Tumgik
#at this point I would take a head of lettuce over most world leaders
tippenfunkaport · 2 years
Text
If spinach can send emails, surely lettuce can be the prime minister, I'm just throwing that out there.
602 notes · View notes
alpacaparkaseok · 3 years
Text
The Passport
Tumblr media
Requested by anon - a picture of your request will be at the bottom of the post! Enjoy! Thanks for requesting!
Pairing: Namjoon x reader
Premise: You embark on a memorable journey in an attempt to return Kim Namjoon’s passport. What lengths will you go to in order to return his passport on time?
Warnings: none, this is literal crackhead fluff lol. emphasis on the crackhead.
Word Count: 3.2k 
Tumblr media
It all started in the morning. You knew, leaving the house that morning with a skip in your step and the sun shining down on you, that something was off. Something was bound to go wrong.
It wasn’t until 11:30, sitting at brunch with some of your friends, that you caught your first whiff of trouble. 
Literally.
Rebecca, one of your oldest friends, had insisted on pretending to be rich and fancy for a day. She’d dragged you and the rest of your friends to a penthouse-like restaurant, commanding you to wear your finest ‘casual wear’, whatever that was supposed to mean. 
Long story short, you felt like some sort of avid golf fan in your skirt and blouse. Or maybe a polo fan, cheering on the magnificent horses and their riders. 
You were so consumed in your menu and trying to find the cheapest thing they had to offer without looking like a fraud, that you hadn’t noticed the room falling into a quiet buzz of excitement. Hadn’t noticed any sort of change in the air.
Except your nose had.
You unconsciously scooted in closer to the table when out of your peripheral you saw a group of people making their way over to the empty tables nearest you. They shimmied behind you and the table opposite your own, making sure to not interrupt your dining experience. Then you smelled it.
The most wonderful, fresh cologne you’d ever smelled. The smell was light enough that it had you wondering for a moment if you had just imagined the hint of pine, but another sniff confirmed what your nostrils already knew. 
Whoever had just entered the fancy, no-good for college budgets restaurant knew exactly what worked for them. And it was that cologne. Naturally, you glanced over to see just who it was that graced your nose with such a beautiful smell. 
And that, it the precise moment that you learned that Kim Namjoon, leader of BTS and dimple extraordinaire, smells like roses and pine.
Oh, and the slightest hint of jasmine.
Now, the only problem with that knowledge is the fact that you will never be able to get it out of your head. No longer will Namjoon in blue jeans and a tucked in t-shirt be your greatest weakness, as it had been before. No, that’s ancient history as far as that tantalizing fragrance is concerned. 
“Enjoying the view?” Rebecca croons from across the table, ripping your attention away from the man that just took his seat. From this angle, you have the perfect view of those dimples. 
The rest of the brunch passes by with little to no incident. The only thing that keeps you from staring at the group that’s CD has a permanent residency in your car’s stereo is the fact that you know your friends will take matters into their own hands if they catch you. Rebecca will surely embarrass you, if only because you’ve done the same thing to her countless times.
Leticia to your right elbows you lightly, grinning. “You know, RM keeps looking over at you.”
Your eyes practically bulge out of their sockets. “It’s not nice to tease!”
“It’s true!” Bianca pipes up a bit too loudly. She covers her mouth, looking embarrassed. “I mean, it’s true!” She whisper shouts. “He can only go about thirty seconds without looking at you. Maybe he’s worried you’re going to choke or something.”
You roll your eyes. “Wow, how considerate of him.”
Munching on a lettuce wrap that costs about the same as your statistics textbook, you nearly choke on it as the group finishes their meal and begins to make their way out of the restaurant. You scoot your chair back in, cursing your reddened cheeks even as you prepare yourself for the onslaught of Namjoon’s cologne again. 
“Excuse us,” Namjoon says, the sound of his voice enough to have you staring at Rebecca as though she’s a lifeline. If you can make it through this experience without passing out, you can surely accomplish anything.
“Have a good day!” Bianca chirps, smiling widely. Jung Hoseok - yeah, the sunshine of the world - smiles back. 
“Thank you,” he replies. He glances over at you and then, to your eternal horror, he looks at Namjoon with a pointed stare. 
“Er...” Namjoon stumbles over his words, looking like he would rather eat the tablecloth than have to say two words to you. You try to hide your disappointment, closing your mouth and opting for a pleasant smile. 
It’s the wrong move, honestly. Now you’re stuck smelling in his cologne and wondering how it’s humanly possible for someone to smell so beautiful.
Namjoon fiddles with his sleeves before looking over to you, a lightning bolt jolting your senses at the sudden eye contact. 
“You...you’re very pretty.”
In your own defense, your mouth is not the only one that drops open in shock. No, Bianca, Leticia, and Rebecca mirror your state of shock. 
Bianca recovers all too quickly, playfully pushing your shoulder as she exclaims, “See! I told you he was staring!”
Fighting the urge to flee the scene, you plaster on your most nonchalant expression and turn back to Namjoon with pink cheeks. You’re relieved to see his own cheeks tinted pink. 
“I- thank you!” 
At this point all of the boys have paused in their exit, turning to look back at Namjoon with silly grins. Namjoon notices their attention, nodding his head to you and his eyes dropping to stare at the carpet. 
“You’re welcome, haveaniceday,” Namjoon spits out, thrusting a napkin into your hands before before turning on his heel and making a beeline for the exit. He shoulders past the members who give him pats on the back and laugh a little at their leader’s shyness. 
With one final look over his shoulder and an annoyed sigh at Jin who mumbles a teasing remark to him, Namjoon leaves. 
You stare and stare at the exit, your brain short-circuiting as you replay your short exchange over and over again. In your hands sits the napkin - an actual, cloth napkin that is silky soft - marred (or perfected) by Namjoon’s scrawl. 
It doesn’t say a single word. Just boasts his phone number.
“What,” you breathe out, still staring at the exit, “just happened?”
Your question seems to break the spell that had your friends mute, and suddenly all four of your burst out into giddy laughter. 
“I have no idea,” Rebecca says through her giggles, “But I wish I had that on camera!”
Tumblr media
Leticia is the one to notice it first. As the four of you get up to leave, she sees something laying on the seat where Namjoon sat. You know it’s where he sat, because you’ve burned the image into your mind. 
You’ve also memorized his phone number. As has Bianca, who read it over your shoulder about seven times before sitting back down in her seat. 
“It looks like they left something behind,” Leticia muses, wandering over to their abandoned table. “Oh, no way!” She bursts out into laughter, pointing down at the chair.
The rest of us scramble over just in time to see Leticia hoist the item up into the air. 
It’s a passport. 
Rebecca grabs your arm, looking at me with wide eyes. “This is a sign! I swear, it’s a sign!”
You frown at her, rubbing at the sore spot from where she’s grabbed a hold of you. “What do you mean? How is this a sign? Have you lost it?”
“No, I get what she’s saying!” Bianca shouts, drawing the attention of anyone that hasn't noticed the commotion yet. “He gave you his number, and now you have the perfect reason to text him! And see him again!”
You snort in disbelief even though your heart is nearly pounding out of your chest. “...right. Because people just leave their passports lying around as calling cards these days.”
Leticia flips through the passport, eyes widening at all of the stamps. “I mean...this is Kim Namjoon we’re talking about. Doesn’t he lose his passport all the time?”
“Exactly, so I-”
“So you need to return it to him,” Rebecca interrupts, smiling devilishly. “C’mon. Text him and tell him. He’s probably freaking out right now.”
You groan, but know that you should. Pulling your phone out, you ignore your friends’ cheers. “If I embarrass myself, so help me...”
Tumblr media
You text him. 
Or rather, you begin to type out some form of message before groaning and throwing your phone at Rebecca. Naturally, she grabs your phone and types out a message, sending it off before you can even get a look at it. 
In your despair and agony (yes, you’re aware that you often overreact), you don’t realize what’s transpired until the girls are squealing over Namjoon’s response. 
“Look, look!” Rebecca yells, thrusting your phone toward your face. “Isn't he so cute?!”
Kim Namjoon 😱😍: I’m so sorry, I can’t believe I left that there. Are you available tonight? We could meet up somewhere? Sorry again for the inconvenience.
You groan, snatching your phone back. “Ugh, you people. Can’t even function over a simple text.”
“Oh, you’re one to talk,” Leticia chides. “Weren’t you the one going on about how good he smells for the past thirty minutes?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You do.
Me: Sure, that’s fine! 
Me: Where do you need me to go?
You’ve all piled into the back of Leticia’s car by the time Namjoon responds. What he says makes your jaw drop for the second time that day.
Kim Namjoon 😱😍: About that...do you know where the Grammy’s are being held tonight?
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“What?” Leticia asks, looking back at in through the rear view mirror. “What did he say?”
You furiously type out a response, heart rate picking up. “Umm...I forgot that the Grammy’s were happening tonight.”
Me: I think so...why?
“It sounds like he wants to meet there...?”
Kim Namjoon 😱😍: I’ll get you a backstage pass, if you’re alright with it. Some of the staff will be there to help you out, you can leave the passport with them.
Your heart sinks a little. “But it sounds like I’ll just be meeting with his staff. Makes sense, I guess. He’ll be busy and - what?”
Bianca and Rebecca are staring me down, and you can practically see the gears shifting in their minds. 
“Why don’t we get you ready for this little rendezvous?” Bianca asks, rubbing her hands together like some evil villain. 
“But I’m not even going to see him,” You protest. “And I’m just going backstage! Nobody is going to see me.”
“Doubt it,” Rebecca states. “He just doesn’t want to freak you out. He’ll be there. I’m sure of it. And when he sees you...”
Tumblr media
“He’ll think I look ridiculous!” You shout, staring at your reflection in the mirror with disgust. “This is horrible.”
Indeed, the gaudy red dress was a bit too much. Even the consultant of the shop appeared inclined to agree with you. 
“You’re right,” Leticia sighed. “Try on the next one.”
It hadn’t taken too much convincing to get you to go to the nearest dress store, you friends absolutely positive that you would see Namjoon tonight. When you did, he was sure to be dressed to the nine’s. You just didn’t want to look too out of place.
Casually formal.
If that’s a thing. 
So far, it’s been a nightmare trying to find a suitable dress. Most have been bordering on junior prom vibes, however you try to cling to hope as you try on the next dress. 
It’s a beautiful black dress with flowers stitched onto the lace overlay. The black slip falls to your knees, the overlay brushing against your calves.
When you exit the room, it’s easy to tell that this one is going to be the favorite. Especially once Rebecca chuckles under her breath. 
“Oh, he’s gonna freak.”
One purchase and makeover later, you smile at your reflection in the mirror. You went for a more natural look, your hair falling in gentle curls and light makeup bringing out your eyes. You’re just slipping on your shoes when you get a text from Namjoon.
Kim Namjoon 😱😍: Ok, I hope you’re still ok to meet up! I’m so sorry again. I’ll send over the link for your pass. They’ll just scan it at the main entrance and then again at entrance 3. Sound good?
You take a deep breath, looking to your friends for support. They nod encouragingly, Leticia clutching her keys. All four of you will drive over. Hopefully they’ll manage to keep you sane on the ride over.
Me: Sounds perfect. And really, don’t worry about it. It happens to the best of us.
You’ve barely gotten into the car when Namjoon sends you the link as well as another message. 
Kim Namjoon 😱😍: You know, if you leave right now there should be a few refreshments leftover from our staff. ;) Let me know when you get here!
“Oh, this man is going to be the death of me.”
Tumblr media
The entire area where the Grammy’s are being held are packed with cars and fans clambering to get a look at their favorite celebrities on the red carpet. The red carpet interviews have only just begun, and you can’t help but wonder if Namjoon and the rest of the boys are out there already.
Smoothing out your dress, you can’t decide if you want them to be or not. Your heart is pounding from the overload of excitement and nerves. 
With shaking hands your extend the barcode Namjoon sent you to the security at the main entrance and again at the 3rd. Once the car has been parked, you send a message off to Namjoon letting him know that you’ve arrived. Chances are he’s on the red carpet and isn’t going to see it, but at least you did what he asked. 
“We’ll be right here when you’re finished!” Rebecca calls out as you clamber out of the car. You can’t help but laugh, feeling like a little kid being dropped off for school.
“You look freaking hot!” Bianca shouts, making you rush away and into the hallway crowded with people. 
You follow the signs plastered up on the walls, pointing you toward BTS. Hopefully there are some people that will know you’re coming-
“Joon, we’ve really got to get out there now,” a voice you recognize as J-hope drifts over to you as you make your way toward an open door. 
“I know,” Namjoon’s voice replies, and just like that your stomach is filled with butterflies tying impressive knots in your stomach. “But she just texted saying she’s here. I feel like it’s rude to just leave her to see the staff and not thank her in person.”
Jin’s voice is loud and clear. “Don’t lie to us. We all know that you just want to see her again. I’m starting to think you left your passport on purpose.”
You hold your breath, willing your cheeks to go back to a normal color. It does’t work. 
“Ok boys, 5 more minutes. Tops. You’ve really got to get going, people are waiting.” Someone says over their shoulder as they step out of the room. They’re eyes almost immediately land on you, going a little wide. “Oh, are you here with the passport?”
Everyone seems to quiet down inside of the room, but a few harsh whispers and some footsteps later Namjoon is popping his head out of the door. As soon as he sees you his eyes light up even as he turns a little red. 
“You made it!” He grins. “And wow. You look...”
You look down at your dress, fidgeting under the sudden attention. “A little out of place, I know. I didn’t know if it was ok to show up just in casual wear, so this is kinda what happened.”
Namjoon steps out into the hallway, and you swear you can hear Jungkook whining about how he wanted to see what’s happening. He’s quickly shushed by the others. 
You’re engulfed by that same smell as this morning, and it takes everything in your willpower not to close your eyes and breathe it in. Namjoon must have barely reapplied his cologne. 
“I was going to say you look stunning.” Now arriving just a step away from you, Namjoon smiles softly down at you. “Absolutely stunning.”
Your hands shake as you are at a loss for words, rummaging around your purse until you produce Namjoon’s passport. Staring at his tie and nowhere else, you extend it to him.
“H-here you go.”
As if trying to kill you right then and there, Namjoon’s fingers linger over your own as he takes the passport, quietly thanking you. “Um, this may sound a little strange but...”
You look up at him, a bit distracted by the way his hair is styled away from his face. Only a couple of thick strands kiss his forehead, making him look like he just stepped out of a novel. 
Namjoon’s eyes dance over your face, clearly displaying his nerves. At least you’re not the only one. 
“What is it?” You ask.
“Well, if you’re not busy tonight...would you maybe want to stay?” You barely stop yourself from passing out, digging your nails into your palm to ground yourself. Namjoon chews on the inside of his cheek. “Our staff have reserved seats by us, and we’re planning on ordering some food after-”
“Yes.” You blurt out the word before Namjoon can finish speaking, but he doesn’t mind. In fact, he looks positively relieved at your interruption. 
“Really?” He swallows, playing with his cufflinks even as he stares into your eyes. “I don’t want to pressure you or anything...”
You shake your head, but stop. “I would love to, but...I actually have my friends that dropped me off waiting for me in the parking lot. I can’t make them wait for me like that-”
Now Namjoon cuts you off. “They can come too! And invite them to eat with us after! Really, the more the merrier!”
You blink up at this man, completely floored. “But, they don’t have dresses.”
Checking a watch that you’re sure costs more than your entire year’s rent, Namjoon thinks for a moment before looking back at you. You can’t help but grin at the way his eyes sweep over your figure and face again. 
Bianca was right. You do look freaking hot.
“Do you think they could go change and be back within two hours?”
You mull it over, pulling your phone out and shooting off a text to Rebecca. “I bet they could, with the right motivation. But are you sure that’s alright?”
Namjoon smiles broadly at you. “Oh yeah. It’s more than alright.” He hesitates, rocking back on his heels. “So...you’ll stay?”
You return his smile. “I’ll stay.”
“Great!” Jin’s voice rings out into the hallway, making you jump. “Now will you bring her in here so we can warn her about how weird you are, Namjoon? We’ve only got so much time.”
Laughing at the expression of long-suffering on Namjoon’s face, you take the arm he extends to you. Before you walk through the door to meet the rest of the members, you lean up on your tippy-toes to whisper something to Namjoon. He cranes his neck, listening to your every word. 
"Thanks for losing your passport.”
Namjoon smiles sheepishly, and every thought eddies out of your brain as his adorable dimples make an appearance. “My pleasure.”
masterlist
Tumblr media
284 notes · View notes
yikesharringrove · 4 years
Text
Zoo date as requested by @xgardensinspace
Here is a link to my post about Harringrove for BLM, and here is a link to Writers/Artists Against Police Brutality
Here’s also a link to the Masterlist of Harringrove for BLM coutesy of @harringrovetrashh
Thank you all for organizing, participating, and donating. 
-
Modern au
Please ignore my rhino facts I love them so much
Steve’s encounter with + reaction to the rhino is based on me from a few years ago
-
“Wait, this is, this is where you’re taking me?”
Billy was pulling into a spot in the parking lot of the San Diego Zoo and Safari Park.
“Yeah. You’ve never been to this one, and I know how much you love a zoo.” Steve was vibrating in his seat.
This was one of the best zoos in the country.
He chucked off his seatbelt, making Billy laugh as he scrambled out of the car.
He danced around as he waited for Billy to grab the backpack he had put together for the day, before taking his wrist and dragging him to the ticket counter.
“Baby, I already got us tickets.” Billy shuffled him to the gate, jostling him past the birds at the beginning of the park. “We’re on a schedule, Pretty Boy. Gotta be there in ten.” He led Steve to the Ranger Base, walking up to the ticket window.
“Hi, we’re in the 10 am caravan group.” The woman behind the counter took their tickets, pointed them to another group a little ways away.
“Wait, are we doing one of the tours?” Steve was sitting close next to Billy, all pressed up against him. Billy kissed his forehead.
“You’ll see.”
Their tour leader began explaining a few of the rules of the caravan to them, shuffled them aboard, and set off across the park, leading to the large open African Plains.
Steve cooed at all the buffalo, taking picture after picture of any baby animals they saw, getting yelled at when he excitedly almost stood up in the moving truck.
“So, a few things about feeding the giraffes.” Billy could feel Steve begin wiggling next to him. “You each get three pieces of lettuce. Stand like this, hold the lettuce out, and let the giraffe take it from you. Do not touch the giraffe’s face or neck or anything.”
“Wait, Bill we get to, to feed them?” People had formed a line as one of the giraffes came loping slowly towards them.
“Yeah, this is like, the extra bitchin’ tour. You get to see all the animals real close, and feed ‘em and stuff.” Billy’s mom had taken him when he was little.
Steve was staring up at the giraffe, the first few people posing as the people they were with took pictures of them with the giraffe. Billy pushed him forward a little, taking about a fucking million pictures of Steve looking like a little kid, so fucking excited to feed the tall baby. Billy gave him one of his lettuce pieces so that he would keep smiling like that.
The caravan rattled on, transitioning to the Asian Savanna.
“Oh, my, God. Bill look at the rhino. Bill look.” Steve was slapping his arm. The guide laughed at him.
“You a fan of rhinos?”
“I love them. They’re my favorite.”
“Well, you’re in luck.” The cart stopped as the huge black rhino began lumbering towards them. “So, to feed Edison, our adult male Indian Black Rhino, wait for him to open his mouth, and toss a piece of apple in there for him. Everyone gets four pieces.”
Steve’s eyes were huge.
“You can touch his horn gently, but do not touch his eyes or nose. And he has the jaw power to rip your hand right off, so don’t put any fingers in his mouth.”
Steve’s fingers were tight around Billy’s wrist.
“Indian black rhinos come from northern India, Nepal, and Easter Pakistan. They have one thick horn, whereas African white rhinos have two long thin ones. Unlike most horned animals, a rhino’s horn is not made from bone. It is made from keratin, the same as your hair and fingernails, so it’s essentially like one big fingernail on it’s face.” Steve was nodding along. He knew probably every fact about the different kinds of rhinos. “White rhinos are typically larger, but the black male rhino has an average weight of nearly five thousand pounds.”
The rhino had approached the caravan. Steve was titled over the edge, staring at the thing.
“The Indian black rhino is now longer classified as endangered after the conservation efforts in the Indian subcontinent over the past two or so decades, unlike the northern white rhinos, with a population of two. Here at the San Diego Zoo and Safari Park, we are making conservation efforts in our frozen zoo, where we keep genetic samples from thousands of species. We are currently working on a way to artificially inseminate a female black rhino, or a southern white rhino with a northern white rhino fetus in order to try and grow the population that way.”
Steve was hanging onto his every fucking word.
They let everyone line up before them, Steve was too busy just fucking staring at the animal while he listened to the guide’s speech to move, apparently.
“See, this is why I got us on this one. Knew you’d lose your damn mind if you got to feed a rhino.” The guide handed Steve a few extra pieces of apple, shooting him a wink.
Billy stood behind him as he leaned over the side of the caravan, tossing apple into the rhino’s mouth, patting his horn.
“You’re the sweetest baby in the world. I love you so much. You are perfect, and amazing.” Billy stifled a laugh as he filmed Steve.
When he finally stood up he was fucking holding back tears.
“I just, I love them so much.”
“I know, Baby.” He put one arm around Steve’s shoulder on the ride back to the rest of the zoo.
Steve must’ve thanked the guide about a million times before they set off to do a loop around the park, stopped for close to twenty minutes in the petting zoo so that Steve could pet a little black goat.
Billy lost his fucking mind in the reptile house, spent at least a few minutes with his nose pressed to the glass of every terrarium.
“Stevie, fucking look at that tiny baby.”
The tiny baby in question was a twelve foot anaconda.
Steve kept his distance as Billy cooed over some scorpions, called a Goliath birdeater tarantula a beautiful boy. Steve knew his taste in animals was odd, but then They passed by the giant old tortoises, and Billy went berserk.
“They look like sweet little men. What amazing gentlemen. They are kind and wise.” He was passionately gesturing at the creatures, leaning over the rail around the enclosure.
Steve can’t fault Billy for going all soft at the desert cat nursery, as Steve was shoulder to shoulder with him as they smushed up against the glass to look at the tiny little things.
In the Australia section of the park, Billy only used an Aussie accent, would make Steve laugh because it was actually really good. He would make his voice all deep and say wallaby all drawn out, just to make Steve’s smile get bigger. Steve gasped when they saw the platypus.
“I didn’t think these were even real.”
“Are you serious?” Billy still had that fucking accent.
“Yeah. I mean, they sound so silly. They’re like, a duck and a beaver and a snake. They’re weird little hybrids with venom, Bill. Venom.” They watched the awkward little thing waddle across the field.
“It’s kinda growin’ on me.”
Steve got an amazing picture of Billy with about fourteen butterflies on him in the butterfly pavilion, And Steve got shit on by the parakeet they were trying to feed.
They hit the bird show on their way back to the entrance, would laugh and grab each other’s hands as large birds would swoop overhead.
They finally left the park after spending a minute at the gift shop, Billy surprising Steve with a soft stuffed rhino at the exact moment Steve presented him with a floppy stuffed tarantula. Billy couldn’t wait to put them on their bed.
Billy threw his arm around Steve’s shoulders as they walked to the car, the sun beginning to sink.
“That was a real good day.” Steve was slurping at the remains of an ice cream cone.
“For sure one for the books.” The tops of Billy’s shoulders on either side of his tank top were a little red from the sun.
“Thank you for bringing me. You know how much I love zoos. And getting to, getting to touch and feed a rhino, Billy that made my fucking life.” He kissed the side of Steve’s head.
“I’m glad, Sweet Thing.”
101 notes · View notes
Note
I’m really intrigued by Rayla’s moonshadow assassin peers. I especially am interested in Andromeda because I think she is the only other girl in the group? Do you have any headcanons in how these teen/young adult assassins interacted? Do you think Rayla isolated herself from them because she was always iffy about taking a life? Also TDP finally colored their map and I know you live maps, find any new cool stuff? I especially love how there’s a frozen sea north and a spinning sea south, imagine the powerful Magic’s that channeled to make them.
Okay, so I jumped straight to the map, did 80% of it, and wandered away for a few weeks. I apologize, anon. Let’s get this going again:
I’ve got a few headcanons on the Moonshadow assassins! It seems likely that they hang out mostly with each other, when they hang out, to reinforce their teambuilding and to give them some socialization, since assassins tend to keep others at arm’s length. So I kinda figure they tend to roam as a pack on their evenings out in the village, if they’re not married to a non-assassin like Runaan is.
I think that could be part of the reason that Rayla might not have hung out with the others as much, too: Runaan wanted to be either training or at home with Ethari, so Rayla probably spent a lot of time doing those things just because he did them. And when Runaan was doing more serious training or missions, that’s when Rayla had her free time to run around the forest and make adoraburr friends. 
Runaan could’ve probably insisted that she do something more assassiny with her free time. Shadow an assassin, do more studying, practice certain prescribed skills on her own. But he didn’t. He let her play. Soft assassin is soft!
Listen, anon, I have a fun headcanon for you about Andromeda--and by fun, I mean it’s really angsty half a second after you start thinking about it. Ready? 
What if: Andromeda is Runaan’s half-sister. If they’re both Lujanne’s children by different assassin dads who kept dying in battle, but a Moon mage needs an assassin leader partner to defend Xadia with, and Lujanne knew her son Runaan wasn’t old enough to lead yet, so she burned through three or more husbands protecting him until Runaan was well trained enough to lead the assassins himself and had fallen in love with a mage who adored him and would be his partner in her place.
 Andromeda looks a fair bit like Lujanne, too:
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Along with Runaan, they all have long hair, side tails bound in silver cuffs, and some form of braids. Andromeda’s hair is sectioned in front similarly to Runaan’s. Her accent sounds more British than Scottish, though she only has the one line: My eyes for truth. And Lujanne and Andromeda are the only two Moonshadow elves we’ve met who have medium blue horns, while Runaan’s are dark blue. Almost everyone else’s horns have purple or pink as their base color.
But then, see, Andromeda went on Runaan’s mission, and she died. Her spirit was the most aggressive in TTM, usually closest to Rayla with her sword out, as if she hated Rayla the most. If she had a vested family interest in Runaan’s mission succeeding, and then it went pear-shaped because of Rayla, that would make sense.
No matter if she’s related to Runaan or not, she’s wearing horn cuffs, so she was in a dedicated relationship of some kind, and that’s so sad. Someone’s missing her the way Ethari’s missing Runaan. :’((((
Anyway, it’s just a headcanon, but since you asked, there ya go.
Okay, on to my thoughts on the map, of which I have a normal and healthy amount:
The Map Border: 
Everyone doodles in the borders. I love to see what they put there.
Starting in the upper left and going counter-clockwise, the five human crowns are cool
Cornucopia swirls center left look like an homage to Cabbage Man from ATLA
Bait is staring at Evenere. his home? Or maybe he just wants to eat the dragonfly on its logo
Human defender has a beard. Hairagorn. He's very heavily armored but has no helmet. Long hair is braided to rest on front of shoulder, like the blond elf in the painting at the Moon Nexus. Old timey hairstyle?
He’s defending Katolis Castle specifically. I wonder if the little white building is kinda random or if it’s supposed to represent the Banther Lodge. Nah, I have a better guess: that’s where Viren grew up
The crack in the map looks meta. It's been repaired somewhat. Makes me wonder if it's an in-world map, whose, who ripped it, and who fixed it. Sir Phineas Kurst seems like the kind of guy to almost shred his really cool map
The star behind Zym's egg has seven points
The two ships on the southern waters are western and eastern respectively. Tidebound elves from Singapore? Jack Sparrow would be proud
There is land just south of the Dragontail, wonder what’s there?
The leaves around the human figure are small and numerous while the Moonshadow elf has fewer but bigger leaves
The elf is standing in the way of one of the six leaves growing out of the rune rose and that leaf's curly tip seems to have been replaced with a curl of the elf's very long hair
The human pose is more offense and the elf pose is more defense. But the elf has two swords, and one has some wicked hooks in it.
Elf has 4 fingers instead of 3 so whether it’s in-universe or meta, they were drawn by a human :DDD
The elf's braid winds around their horn and I think that's clever
High collar shirt under protective layer, bracers and elbow gloves, bare biceps, complex shoulder getup, ornate hair that's butt long and partly braided, two long slightly curving swords... horn cuffs too. This is a Moonshadow assassin in the same gear Runaan's got, poised to defend the Xadian half of the map as the human is poised to defend his side
The rune rose isn't a compass. It has a two sided pointer and six primal runes. Just decorative I guess. ;)
More lettuces on right center.
Maybe a portaling caterpillar on the center knot? Little bug pal, I see you
“The Five Human Kingdoms” lettered in red, “Xadia” in blue. Giving me Stratego flashbacks. Even the flowers on their banners are color coded
Banners in the corners are similar but Xadia has more fluttery tips
Thunder drawn all attacky top center, does he have anything to do with the Frozen Sea being frozen?
Compass rose under Thunder’s wing
Dick island near the compass. Well, Duren is the breadbasket of the human lands. A most excellent cartography joke! 10/10 would chortle wholesomely again
The Human Kingdoms:
Neolandia
Capital Eboreus seems to be a lake city below a mountain and I'm here for all the Lake Town refs. 
It's also the eye of the elephant shape
Not a lot of trees, mostly grasses or desert. Only borders Duren across a couple rivers/estuaries/sea channels
Heart shaped island next to elephant trunk
Land generally broken into several sections by sea/rivers 
If it’s rivers, they seem to generate from the capital’s lake and flow in several directions. And they say there’s no magic left in the western lands! ;)
But if there was exactly one source of freshwater in a desert land, it makes sense that you’d find a way, magical or mechanical, to spread that lifegiving water in as many directions as possible so your people can thrive so kudos to Neolandia’s ancestors/Tidebound elves/whoever managed that, it’s brilliant
I can and will make up explanations for anything on a map. I adore worldbuilding
Del Bar
Two named locations. Since Del Bar’s national symbol is a serpent, I guess Serpentongue is the capital.
Hinterpeak is a sweet name. Looks like Helm's Deep with that retaining wall. What’s it for? Are there dwarves in this land? Is it an Earthblood stronghold? Maybe it’s like the Mines of Moria, and the Earthbloods were chased out and/or killed inside and now it’s full of nasty orcses but someone left a MacGuffin down there so *nudges hero* Off you pop.
Nice forests around the southern mountain range but northern DB is more arid or grassy lands like Neolandia. 
Considering that crops grow well in Duren, which is farther north, I assume there is a massive meteorological gyre over the human lands, with a southern wind blowing down over the western realms and keeping them icy until the mountains of Hinterpeak block and divert them, protecting Evenere. The winds don't blow eastward without warming right up-- and causing thunderstorms in Katolis how about that-- because there is a warmer side to the gyre over Katolis and Duren, blowing tropical warmth and moisture north and providing rain for trees and crops alike. Most years, anyway.
How does the weather fail in Duren for seven years in a row, anyway? That seems like a Thunder issue. Unless it’s a Sunforge issue, which I’ll get to below.
Ahem.
Borders Neolandia, Duren, and Katolis across rivers, but most border is coastline.
Serpentongue probably got its name from the two river heads around it
Cluster of dead little cracks spawns a single river. Looks like someone cracked the tub and it drained away. I wonder how much of this landscape has been affected by the Mage Wars. Big watery basins have flooded and other spots seem dead. The lands may or may not actually touch depending on how deep some of these waterways are
Evenere
Looks like someone punched holes in the land with a giant pencil to make it a separate island. Broken outline with scattered islands
That Pawprint Isles has only four toes
Moon-shaped island is very crescenty indeed
Are these isles home to refugees or outcasts from Xadia? Listen, I want pirates and that sea looks pretty Caribbean to me
No capital city, hmmm what's that about? Is it underground, does it move? Maybe Fareeda’s capital is on the back of a world turtle and she’s constantly on tour around the island?
That arm of land ending in a peace sign, please can we get surfers
The hills emanating from that claw shaped headland look like something is sleeping under the island, hello yes I am here for giant immortal creatures please
Katolis
its capital is also called Katolis, the only human realm to use the same name twice
Weeping Bay could be a ref to the tears the humans shed after they reached the west. Or the Moonshadow elves as they left their forest for the east. Or both. Both, in this case, is bad but balanced
Boomerang island next to the Dragontail
The river the Dragaang rode on was going uphill
The watery slash in the land between Katolis and Del Bar is awfully straight. So is the one between Del Bar and Neolandia. I call magical warfare.
Katolis has a bunch of mountains in the east, part of an old natural border before the lava one appeared
Mt Kalik is probably volcanic. It's a standalone mountain and it's really tall. Rex Ignius maybe? Oh, probably not, I think I see him peeking on the other side of the map
The trees of Duren and Katolis are different then the western lands. Softer green, deciduous. And the land itself is yellower, warmer in tone
Forests centered on Mt Kalik
The Moon Nexus looks like an eye on a dragon head near the Dragontail, and Evenere looks like a severed wing (Yes I am still wondering where Luna Tenebris went, why do you ask)
Weeping Bay looks like the most natural body of water in the western lands
Three red little trees scattered around the Katolis map. Fruit trees? How very Moonshadow.
Duren
The only land border among all the human kingdoms is between Duren and Katolis. Maybe it used to be further south along the river?
Capital is Berylgarten, set on a lake. Beryl is a stone that’s usually green, blue, or yellow in color, very gardeny
Second smallest realm but the breadbasket of the human lands. Has several little forests and great tilled fields
Being a farmer in Duren is probably as awesome as being an assassin in the Moonshadow Forest; you do what you do for all your friendly kingdoms
Northernmost land is cold and craggy, named Skall's Hook along the sea
Third ship in the Frozen Sea is icebound and crushed. Looks western, indicating no possible passage
Lots of colored trees and shrubs as if fruitbearing, I keep comparing Duren to the Yakima Valley in Washington State
Where the lava reaches the Frozen Sea, it melts the ice next to Duren's mountains
Northern Xadia:
Lux Aurea
Most of the center lands of this map has warm tones for its ground. Maybe that’s because of the long reach of the warmth and light of Lux Aurea’s Sun Nexus, and only the lands that are just too far from it are truly cold and icy. It would explain why Duren is a breadbasket realm so far north--it’s just across the border from Lux Aurea.
If there’s anything to that, then I suddenly worry for the fate of all the human lands now that the Sunforge has gone dark. It’s early summer now in Xadia, and crops in Duren will be ripening soon... Unless the sun’s magic was helping them grow. This coming winter could be rough. Next winter, people will die. Unless they can purify the Sunforge again.
Also, I have to wonder if Duren’s seven years of famine had anything to do with Sunforge shenanigans. They’d have happened at Khessa’s command, and we know she despises humans. If she was responsible for all the struggles that humans had to go through without enough food for seven years, and then their desperate attempt to fix the problem by invading Xadia for a Magma Titan’s heart which extended and exacerbated the war, I can see why Aaravos might feel Queen Khessa deserved to die
The city’s shaped kinda like an Egyptian pectoral necklace on this map, and that’s super pretty and not at all ominous
Also that’s a lot of gold for a whole city and I wonder how they got it all
The Shiverglades and the Shards
These areas are north of Lux Aurea and seem cold but not very icy, even though the Frozen Sea is right there. More thoughtful glances at the Sunforge over this one. Is it warming the land, or not warming the sea? Both?
Shiverglades is a play on Everglades, so this is a cold swamp, which sounds super fun I’m sure. Permafrost, tundra maybe?
The Shards seem to be rock islands with ice mountains. Glaciers are cool. 
I wonder if something broke those islands off on purpose. Have I mentioned how much I enjoy worldbuilding? Yeah, well, I like world-wrecking, too.
Storm Spire
Has a good view on everything that happens for miles, including Lux Aurea, the Midnight Desert, the Shiverglades, the Black Tundra, the Uncharted Forest, and Drakewood. 
Defensible position, no other tall mountains nearby
Also able to alert others to danger, especially since Avizandum could teleport like lightning
The Midnight Desert
It’s pretty big! And it looks like it’s littered with ruins of columns and dead palm trees. Like something else used to be in that great space and then something Very Bad happened to it. Maybe there was one great city where all the elves could mix together, and then it got utterly obliterated and the elves all fled to their respective safe places around Xadia. A city of black stone, back when Aaravos wore a crown? Now pulverized to dust and surrounded by not one, not two, but three primal nexuses? Hmmm...
All the wisps could be heat from the sand, or spooky spirit hints, or just an ominous sign of danger from the snakes below, but the overall effect is that the land is unhealthy if not cursed
The oasis is marked, and it must contain a spring since it runs a river out to join the river that passes through the Moonshadow Forest
Also the actual oasis kinda resembles a blue lizard which is adorable and probably also terrifying
Moonshadow Forest
The Silvergrove is the only village marked in the forest, so in keeping with the other lands and general map legend rules, it’s likely the capital/central village for the Moonshadow elves
The village is marked by four round-roofed homes between two tall leafy trees that shelter and hide them. It’s a hybrid balance between the blocky manmade castles of the human lands and the actual forest around them, showing a blending with nature that even the Sunfire city of Lux Aurea did not embrace, with all its golden buildings
It’s a good-sized forest, and it kinda stretches thin to the east but there it tentatively connects to the Drakewood Forest
Moonstone Path to the west just chilling in the lava like a blank alignment chart. Moonstone Path is Chaotic Hot.
Southern Xadia:
Ruins of Elarion
Elarion is a city, and it’s been lost to the humans for a thousand years
The building outlines are squared-off towers like the more modern castles in the west, suggesting that humans in Xadia built for strength and defense as soon as they could. They felt vulnerable and created protections in their architecture. The three elven cities we see also play to their strengths, but those strengths include magic. Elarion’s humans had to find a different strength, and they went with craftsmanship and ingenuity
It seems to be the only human city from before the border was drawn
“Ruins” doesn’t necessarily mean no one lives there at all, but it’s been emptied of humans and no one else has maintained it since
It had a great position on a vast lake, with sheltering hills and easy sea access
Sea of the Castout
This inland sea has five inlets and outlets. It’s hard to be sure which is which with some of them, with the way the water is drawn on this map. But I’m kinda liking the idea that all the water swirlies are places where Tidebound magic has been placed over the millennia, so the water can do whatever it needs to do depending on circumstances. That goes for the human lands, too. Katolis backward river, you’re off the hook.
With a name like "Castout,” I wonder if it was some kind of universal toilet to flush away things you didn’t want--including humans--who might wash up near Elarion and start to build there. Yeesh.
The rivers that flow into this sea pass through or near the Moonshadow Forest, the Midnight Desert, the Storm Spire, Drakewood, and the Uncharted Forest. That’s a lot of drainage.
It’s pretty far from the Tidebound Archipelago, so maybe its name is referencing Tidebound elves who have left their home colony
Was this always a sea, or did something that Xadia wanted to forget get flooded and hidden in the depths?
The land around it seems open and hospitable. It could be a good place to build/rebuild in a time of peace.
The Far Reaches
Open grassland with low hills
Two of the hills look like giant boot prints
Several colorful trees which I hope are fruit trees
Bounded by two rivers from the Sea of the Castout
Looks homey tbh, great spot to retire to get away from everything if there were a war that really shook you up
Ocean Point
There’s a Star rune here, and it could mean many things
The closest other marked location is Elarion
If this was where Aaravos lived of his own free will, I can see why he’d take a shine to the humans. They were his neighbors.
If he is imprisoned here, it’s literally the furthest point in Xadia from the other elven realms, with the Moonshadow Forest being the closest one and Umber Tor not too much further but in a totally different direction. If they were trying to isolate him physically with a portable mirror to watch over him, that’s a good spot for it
Possible location that the cube is leading Callum toward? Portal to the Star Touch home plane? Aaravos’s seaside B&B? Trap street?
Eastern Xadia:
Drakewood
Umber Tor looks to be the tallest mountain in all of Xadia, save possibly for the Storm Spire. It’s more traditionally mountainy, with a nice snowcap. Since it’s labeled, I’m guessing it’s the Earth Nexus, under which an Earth Archdragon sleeps
Also there’s a giant yellowish-brown dragon chilling next to the Tor. Yeah, he seems nice. Rex Igneous, I presume?
Or maybe not, since the neighboring forest is called Drakewood. Maybe this woods is just where a bunch of Earth dragons hang out? Ezran and Pyrrah flew off and returned with a crew of Sun dragons from somewhere, so dragons must have communities too
The mountains that edge the sea are shaped roughly like a stone dragon in flight
Drakewood seems to be the forest closest to Umber Tor, with both deciduous and evergreen trees, though there’s a huge swath of wooded land here, to the north and to the southwest. I wonder what the locals consider the border where the Drakewood becomes the Uncharted Forest and why. The way the evergreens are drawn almost looks like a border, a sort of kingswood set aside for a specific use. Rex Igneous’s best toothpicks?
Uncharted Forest
Okay this is a properly magical name, very mysterious. But uncharted by whom? People with charts? This might be a Sir Phineas Kurst name, which is outsidery, and it makes me wonder if the locals/neighbors have their own name for it, which the human explorer never learned, a la “Thunder” for Avizandum
Maybe “Uncharted Forest” just means no one ever turned those trees into charts though, old growth ftw
If no one lives here, will someone move here? If someone lives here, who are they? Earthblood elves? Moonshadow elves? Humans? This mystery, it calls to me
the trees are mostly deciduous and fill basically all of this whole section of land, up against the mountains and the rivers, so it seems very fertile land indeed
Earthblood elves could live here, but there is no city marked. Maybe because we haven’t gotten that far in the show, or maybe that’s the wrong sort of descriptor for how the Earthbloods live and organize. Maybe the whole forest is their city, like Pando, the interconnected quaking aspen clone forest
The northernmost part of this forest lies right between the Storm Spire and the Tidebound Archipelago, so it might get a regular flyover route for migration or messages
Yes, this forest is the most interesting place in Xadia to me, I desperately want to learn more about it
Black Tundra
Yeah this place isn’t ominous
Similar to the Shiverglades, but where that has shrubbery, the Black Tundra has single dead trees and creepy curving spikes. Scorched? Poisoned? De-magicked?
The water north of this area isn’t frozen, and with a lake to the south and a river and a moderate mountain range, the whole area looks like it would otherwise be decently habitable, but instead it’s cold and black
Is climate change a thing here, or will we get a nice horrible disaster instead?
Tidebound Archipelago
These islands have dotted lines around them, like they’re submerged at high tide, or maybe made of shifting sand that literally moves around like sand dunes across a desert, or perhaps they’re exactly at sea level with half their civilization in the air and half underwater or in cool bubbles, or maybe the islands actually float
Maybe the Tidebound elves even sank them on purpose for defensive purposes
The archipelago is about even latitudinally with the Storm Spire Lux Aurea, Berylgarten, and Eboreus so they probably get pretty nice weather
There’s no ice in sight here in any direction along Xadia’s east coast, so presumably the prevailing current is a warm one
do they have bridges connecting the islands? Ferries, animals who give them a lift across?
the islands have quite a bit of space on them. I wonder if there’s a big population, maybe a shifting population? Do Tidebound elves migrate up and down the coast like gray whales and return to the islands for certain holidays or social events?
This is probably the hub of the Tidebound elves’ culture, but the sea surrounds the whole land and infiltrates it with many rivers and lakes. The Spinning Sea and the Frozen Sea are pretty firm Do Not Enter signposts, but a determined Tidebound could get around either one if they wanted to
What I’m not seeing here is a city. Either it’s not been marked yet, or that’s not a thing that Tidebound elves have in their culture. If they don’t have a city, they’re possibly migratory in family groups, or maybe they stick to small villages like the Moonshadows do, but with even less central leadership
26 notes · View notes
violentmouths · 5 years
Text
We Can Do Bad All By Ourselves, Thank you!
Chapter 2:
Sorry I took so long, I got a lot cooking, but hey, here's another chapter. Idky but I like when people get to know the characters before we get to the fighting and conflict.
I'd like to thank you all for the support on the last chapter. I'm deeply touched.
So here's to my buddies @clevermentalitybeliever @birdgirl69 @skvaderarts @krazy06 @dhalia111 @lunafreyastrophywife @lessy86 @thedyingmoon
And let's begin.
***
Chapter 2: El-ahrairah
It was a quiet tea time, Lanea and Grima sat themselves back in the livingroom, waiting patiently to drink their Earl Grey. They were still waiting for moonrise, as well as the call from Dante to receive a mission. Lanea stared at the amber liquid in her tea cup, thinkin of the nickname her five eyed friend said.
The Black Rabbit of Inlé.
It gave her shivers down her spine, yet it tingled on her tongue. She wanted to ask Grima about the name but was hesitant, then again, why should she be hesitant with plant demon? "Grima, " she called out to the demon. Grima, who's eyes were closed, quickly opened and shot in Lanea's direction.
"Yes?" Grima answered, looking around to see of anything was out of place, "That name... 'The black rabbit of inlé' why did you give such an interesting name to V if you don't like him?" Lanea asked calmly, Grima looked around, clicking hoarsely, such a sound rang in Lanea's ears.
"The black rabbit of inlé represents death, if he calls to you... You must go. That 'thing' is quite like him, and yet like many others..." Grima explained, holding up a finger, only to quickly drop it. "He reminds me about El-ahrairah more than anything." She added, "El-ahrairah..." Lanea trailed off, she looked down at her tea before taking a sip, "Who's that?" She asked, quickly looking back at Grima, who brought her legs onto the couch, nuzzling into the soft cushions "El-ahrairah is a character in my favorite book, Watership Down, his name literally means 'prince with a thousand enemies' he was arguably one of the great rabbit leaders." Grima informed, taking a sip of her tea and placing it onto the coffee table. Lanea nodded her head before turning it back towards Grima "Any stories about him?" She asked "If there are any, I'd like to hear one. It'll make time go by faster." Grima began to slouch, she looked at the ceiling.
"Long ago, the great Frith made the world. He made all the stars, too, and the world is one of those stars. He made them by scattering his droppings over the sky and this is why the grass and the trees grow so thick on the world. Frith makes the rivers flow." Grima spoke, she got up and went into the kitchen leaving Lanea on the couch to ponder the information she just recieved. "Frith?" She questioned, "Is Frith God, Grima?" Lanea turned her head towards the kitchen doorway "Well, it's the sun. The rabbits personified it as a god!" Grima called out, she quickly came back with a cheese board filled with many different cheeses and grapes on it.
Grima placed the cheese board down on the coffee table; Grima loves cheese.
Lanea reached over to the coffee table and grabbed herself a handful of grapes as Grima grabbed a block of cheese, sitting back down in her spot on the couch "Continue with the story, Ms. Li, you've got my attention." Lanea advised, Grima nodded her head as she broke off a piece of cheese.
"Let's see um, ah, the rivers..." Grima mumbled, pointing a finger at the ceiling "They followed him as he goes through the sky, and when he leaves the sky they look for him all night. Frith made the animals and birds, but when he first made them they were all the same. The sparrow and the kestrel were friends and they both ate seeds and flies. And the fox and the rabbit were friends and they both ate grass. And there was plenty of grass and plenty of flies, because the world was new and Frith shone bright and warm all day." Grima went on, Lanea snacked gently on her grapes, letting every little fruit burst in her mouth; sweet, crisp, and juicy the grapes were.
"Now El-ahrairah was among the animals in those days and he had many wives. He had so many wives that there was no counting them, and the wives had so many young that even Frith could not count them, and they ate the grass, the dandelions, the lettuces, and the clover. And El-ahrairah sas the father of them all." Grima muffled as she chewed on her block of cheese, the sounds of it mushing between her teeth and lips snacking made Lanea scoff at how much the demon enjoyed the taste of something creamy, salty, yet zangy.
"After a time the grass began to grow thin and the rabbits wandered everywhere, multiplying and eating as they went. Then Frith said to El-ahrairah, 'Prince Rabbit, if you cannot control your people, I shall find ways to control them. So mark what I say.' But El-ahrairah would not listen and he said to Frith, 'My people are the strongest in the world, for they breed faster and eat more than any of the other people. And this shows how much they love Lord Frith, for of all the animals they are the most responsive to his warmth and brightness. You must realize my lord, how important they are and not hinder them in their beautiful lives.'" Grima continued, Lanea took a sip of her tea.
She was astonished how Ms. Li remembered the story so well, but with every good story, there's bad pieces to it. And Lanea was ready for what Grima's story had to offer, "Seems like El-ahrairah is going to put his rabbits through hell with what he just said to the great Frith, huh?" She asked, putting a hand on her face and resting her elbow on her knee. "Now now now, Lanea. I don't do spoilers, I refuse to have unlimited questions during my story telling." Grima replied, she rested her back against the arm rest and looked at the ceiling.
"Frith could've killed El-ahrairah at once, but he had a mind to keep him in the world, because he needed him to sport, jest, and play tricks. So he determined to get the better of him, not by means of his own power but by means of trick. He gave out that he would hold a great meeting and at that meeting he would give a present to every animal and bird, to make each one different from the rest. And all the creatures set out to go to the meeting place. But they all arrived at different times, because Frith made sure it would happen so. And when the black bird came, he gave him his beautiful song, and when the cow came, he gave her sharp horns and the strength to be afraid of no other creature. And so in their turn came the fox, stoat, and weasel. And to each of them Frith gave the cunning and the fierceness and the desire to hunt, slay, and eat the children of El-ahrairah. And so they went away from Frith full of nothing but hunger to kill the rabbits." Grima kept on going with the story, one of her legs were hanging off the couch, swinging back and forth.
She had all of her eyes closed and sometimes opened two on the right side to see if Lanea's face changed. But it remained aloof. "I had a feeling Frith was up to something. Then again, he'd have to be, after what El-ahrairah has said. I'd be out for blood too." Lanea said putting her cup down, she held a finger up and pointed it at Grima, who only nodded her head and waited patiently for the little witch to finish.
"I think most of us would be... Where was I, hmm...?"
"Well, you stopped at carnivores being out for rabbit blood..."
"Oh yes, everyone's gift, thank you."
"I wonder if El-ahrairah will receive a gift..." Lanea trailed off, she leaned forward and rested herself on Grima's large thigh, slowly crossing her arms and resting her chin on them. Ms. Li did nothing, she didn't mind it. "Now, all this time El-ahrairah was dancing and mating, boasting that he was going to Frith's meeting to receive a great gift. And at last he set out for the meeting place. But as he was going there, he stopped to rest on a sandy hillside. And while he was resting, over the hill came flying the dark swift, screaming as he went, 'News! News! News!' For you know, this is what he has said ever since that day. So El-ahrairah called up to him and said, 'What news?' 'Why,' said the swift, 'I would not be you, El-ahrairah. For Frith has given the fox and the weasel cunning hearts and sharp teeth, and to the cat he has given silent feet and eyes that can see in the dark, and they are gone away from Frith's place to kill and devour all that belongs to El-ahrairah.' And he dashed on over the hills. And at that moment El-ahrairah heard the voice of Frith calling, 'Where is El-ahrairah? For all the others have taken their gifts and gone and I have to come to look for him.'" Grima informed, cutting herself another block of cheese. She quickly bit into it, chewing it quickly before swallowing it, then repeating what she did.
"Then El-ahrairah knew that Frith was too clever for him and he was frightened. He thought that the fox and the weasel were coming with Frith and he turned to the face of the hill and began to dig. He dug a hole, but he had dug only a little of it when Frith came over the hill alone. And he saw El-ahrairah's bottom sticking out of the hole and sand flying out in showers as the digging went on. When he saw that he called out ' My friend, have you seen El-ahrairah, for I am looking for him to give him my gift?' 'No,' answered El-ahrairah, 'I'm busy. The fox and the weasel are coming. If you want to bless me you can bless my bottom, for it is sticking out of the hole." Grima muffled, Lanea let out a chuckle. "Bless his bottom, eh?" She groaned "Now now Lanea, the story is coming to a close." Grima cooed, Lanea placed her chin on her forearms, continuing to stare at the spider plant.
Waiting for her to finish another block of cheese.
"Then, Frith felt himself in friendship with El-ahrairah, because of his resourcefulness, and because he would not give up even when he thought the fox and the weasel were coming. And he said, 'Very well, I will bless your bottom as it sticks out of a hole. Bottom, be strength and warning speed forever and save the life of your master. Be it so!' And as he spoke, El-ahrairah's tail grew shining white and flashed like a star: and his back legs grew long and powerful and he thumped the hillside until the very beetles fell of the grass stems. He came out of the hole and tore across the hill faster than any creature in the world and Frith called after him, 'El-ahrairah, your people cannot rule the world, for I will not have it so. All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you, digger, runner, listener, prince with a swift warning. Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed.' And El-ahrairah knew then that although he would not be mocked, yet Frith was his friend. And every evening, when Frith has done his days work and lies calm and easy in the red sky, El-ahrairah, his children, and his children's children come out of their holes and feed and play in his sight, for they are his friends and he promised them that they can never be destroyed." Grima finished, leaving her doll faced friend in awe.
The story made her feel, strong. Although a rabbit is small and weak, it was strong in it's own way.
"Are there anymore?"
"Hmm?"
"Are there anymore stories Ms. Li, surely that can't be the end of El-ahrairah's story."
"There are more stories, but all in do time."
Lanea sighed before getting up from the couch. Grima got up and dusted off her black silked backless romper before looking at the clock; it was passed moonrise. "Alright girl, put ya suit on. We're going out for a little fun." Lanea nodded her head before retreating to her room, as she changed into her outfit she wondered what other stories of the Rabbit Prince Grima would tell next? What made him so great? Were there any other rabbits just like El-ahrairah? But like Grima said.
All in due time.
***
Well, there's that, off to the next chapter with me. Hope you liked it, I thought it be nice since Lanea likes stories. Watership Down is both Grima and my favorite story (It took me four days to read it completely) so you will be hearing her reference a lot of insults, stories, and words from the book alot. Once again, thank you, and I will see you again soon...
Oh, and don't forget to check out @askmrvandmsli any questions you got for them they'll answer as best as they can. So ask 'em whatever... Bye now!
20 notes · View notes
mikemortgage · 5 years
Text
Terence Corcoran: Blockchain’s groundbreaking, world-shaking, life-changing technology revolution has been cancelled
In the “cycle of hype,” a non-scientific concept invented by U.S. tech research group Gartner, new technologies travel through phases on their way to market. Before the final productive phase, new ideas begin with an initial “technology trigger.” In a second phase, the idea moves through a period known as the “peak of inflated expectations.” Then, as the technology’s flaws and limits become apparent and experiments and market tests fail to deliver the promised miracles, the idea slides into a phase known as the “trough of disillusionment.”
After a couple of years at the peak of inflated expectations, the blockchain hype machine and its associated cryptocurrency bubble appear to be sinking deep into the trough of disillusionment. Will they ever recover?
The collapse of the cryptocurrency segment of the blockchain hype cycle is clear. Bitcoin Cash, to pick one example, traded Tuesday at $215, down from $4,000 about a year ago — a shift that somewhat undermines its creators’ claim that Bitcoin Cash is “The Best Money in the World” because it “brings sound money to the world.”
Terence Corcoran: Stop the StatCan bank raid
Terence Corcoran: Next in line for Doug Ford’s powerful disruption? Ontario’s market regulators
Data governance in a digital age: Who makes the rules for the information trade?
Cryptocurrencies are based on blockchain, which in recent years had been flying in its own state of overvaluation as the futuristic technology that would revolutionize business, government and global finance. A 2016 IBM presentation described blockchain as “an enterprise-class, cross-industry open standard for distributed ledgers that can transform the way business transactions are conducted globally.”
But blockchain in 2019 appears to be well past the hype phase and sliding into the trough phase. In a report this week, global consulting giant McKinsey and Co. said that while there exists a “clear sense that blockchain is a potential game changer … there are also emerging doubts. A particular concern, given the amount of money and time spent, is that little of substance has been achieved.”
The bottom line, adds the report’s authors, is that “despite billions of dollars of investment, and nearly as many headlines, evidence for a practical scalable use for blockchain is thin on the ground.” The negative descriptions pile up through the report about blockchain’s “stuttering development,” “relatively unstable, expensive and complex” features, “lack of progress” and “a growing sense of under-achievement.” (See more excerpts at the bottom of this column.)
A few publicized blockchain applications have been identified, although they are far from the promised world-shaking disruptions of the status quo. Walmart and other food retailers say they will use blockchain to track the sourcing of lettuce, chickens and other fresh produce, for example.
Otherwise, it remains mired in the kind of problems described by U.K. blockchain skeptic David Gerard in his book “Attack of the 50 Foot Blockchain.” In an email note, Gerard told me “I am intensely envious of McKinsey naming the problem so clearly. They really hit the nail on the head here. The Digital Transformation Agency in Australia said the same thing: ‘For every use of blockchain you would consider today, there’s a better technology.’”
Boosters insist “it’s definitely coming in six months or next year. Just keep giving us money!” Gerard scoffs. “Everyone says it’ll be great in the future, or it won’t work in their own industry but it might work in someone else’s — but there’s zero evidence of it working in any industry.”
I asked Matt Higginson, one of the authors of the report and a McKinsey partner in New York, about any blowback from the blockchain-booster cult. “At the individual level, there has been barely any negative feedback but a ton of positive feedback for the honesty and candor of the tone — saying what others have been afraid to say in public (after so much investment),” he wrote in an email (the parentheses are his). I asked Higginson to what degree his assessment represents a permanent reduction in expectations — as opposed to a tempering of timelines where blockchain eventually achieves all its expectations, only slower. He said that “in their current manifestation, the blockchain protocols which currently exist offer little benefit over existing technologies for MOST applications, and further, focusing on the technology of the solution (misses) the greatest obstacle to solving some of the more persistent problems in different industries.”
Take real estate, for example. Higginson said attempting to create a blockchain for property titles, insurance, etc. might sound like a great idea, but “the tech solution alone does not address more fundamental barriers, including how to digitize all titles, how to agree (on) the data standards that are acceptable to a whole industry, and ultimately the path to adoption by the majority of participants in an industry.”
The biggest obstacle to widespread blockchain adoption, says Higginson, is what business theorists call “co-opetition,” a fancy word referring to when competitive companies and industries agree to share information. Getting there is a problem. “Resolving the co-opetition paradox and clearing a path to majority adoption seems like the most important obstacle,” said Higginson. Due to the co-opetition problem, the implementation of blockchain pilots is “plagued by either a single player pushing their monopoly solution” or there is “no single organization taking the lead to invest sufficiently to move from pilot to enterprise-scale implementation.”
In the end, though, Higginson points back to the main issue in the McKinsey report and the need to consider the Occam’s razor principle, which is that the simplest solution to a problem is likely to be the best (and also probably the cheapest, I’d add). “We need to adequately answer the question of ‘why blockchain’ as opposed to more established existing technology solutions.” If not, the once high-flying blockchain seems destined to remain grounded in the hype cycle’s trough of disillusionment.
Excerpts from “Blockchain’s Occam problem,” a report released Monday by McKinsey & Co. authored by Matt Higginson, Marie-Claude Nadeau and Kausik Rajgopal:
There is a clear sense that blockchain is a potential game-changer. However, there are also emerging doubts. A particular concern, given the amount of money and time spent, is that little of substance has been achieved. Of the many use cases, a large number are still at the idea stage, while others are in development but with no output. The bottom line is that despite billions of dollars of investment, and nearly as many headlines, evidence for a practical scalable use for blockchain is thin on the ground…
One reason for the lack of progress is the emergence of competing technologies. In payments, for example, it makes sense that a shared ledger could replace the current highly intermediated system. However, blockchains are not the only game in town…
Blockchain players in the payments segment, such as Ripple, are increasingly partnering with nonbank payments providers, the businesses of which may be a better fit for blockchain technology. These companies may also be willing to move forward more rapidly with integration…
Given the range of alternative payments solutions and the disincentives to investment by incumbents, the question is not whether blockchain technology can provide an alternative, but whether it needs to? Occam’s razor is the problem-solving principle that the simplest solution tends to be the best. On that basis blockchain’s payments use cases may be the wrong answer…
McKinsey’s work with financial services leaders over the past two years suggests those at the blockchain “coalface” have begun to have doubts. In fact, as other industries have geared up, the mood music at some levels in financial services has been increasingly of caution (even as senior executives have made confident pronouncements to the contrary). The fact was that billions of dollars had been sunk but hardly any use cases made technological, commercial, and strategic sense or could be delivered at scale…
McKinsey’s work with financial services leaders over the past two years suggests those at the blockchain “coalface” have begun to have doubts. In fact, as other industries have geared up, the mood music at some levels in financial services has been increasingly of caution (even as senior executives have made confident pronouncements to the contrary). The fact was that billions of dollars had been sunk but hardly any use cases made technological, commercial, and strategic sense or could be delivered at scale…
Over recent months some financial institutions have begun to recalibrate their blockchain strategies. They have put POCs under more intense scrutiny and adopted a more targeted approach to development funding. Many have narrowed their focus from tens of use cases to one or two and have doubled down on oversight of governance and compliance, data standards, and network adoption. Some consortia have shrunk their proof of concept rosters from tens in 2016 to just a handful today…
Certainly, there is a growing sense that blockchain is a poorly understood (and somewhat clunky) solution in search of a problem…
Conceptually, blockchain has the potential to revolutionize business processes in industries from banking and insurance to shipping and healthcare. Still, the technology has not yet seen a significant application at scale, and it faces structural challenges, including resolving the innovator’s dilemma. Some industries are already downgrading their expectations (vendors have a role to play there), and we expect further “doses of realism” as experimentation continues.
from Financial Post http://bit.ly/2H5lASs via IFTTT Blogger Mortgage Tumblr Mortgage Evernote Mortgage Wordpress Mortgage href="https://www.diigo.com/user/gelsi11">Diigo Mortgage
0 notes