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queen-of-elves · 11 months

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Armitage Hux x reader - Modern Office AU + some background Reylo

Summary: You have been working for First Order for years now slowly giving up on the idea of your dream project ever gracing your presence until it finally happened, however, there is a slightly cold and rude problem, other team leader Armitage Hux.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN (And I'm begging you to send me some)

A/N: There is not enough classic fanfics for Armitage and almost zero AUs so I am here to satisfy the bitches, it’s me, I am the bitches

+not betaread so be kind

Words: 5.8K

Warnings: some swearing probably, there is always swearing in my fics, talking about f themself cause corporate life is annoying, some inappropriate thoughts

Tags:@l0stinth3nightsky @this-harl0t-shant-be-unalive

Everyone in the company knew how mean and bossy Armitage Hux was, even if you were from a completely different department, but this project was going to pull you in his inner work team and it terrified you to get first hand experience with him. You heard plenty of times how he made new interns cry and the older ones want to commit a suicide. So you weren’t exactly thrilled at working with him even on a project you have literally dreamed of since being accepted to work for the First Order company, the most prestigious company among prestigious companies. The project required two different departments that almost never interacted which also didn’t help.

You were ready for the first meeting between two departments, each under the supervision of completely different people and personalities, to be just a horrendous trainwreck. But Armitage Hux being the team leader of the other one? You didn’t have to be some kind of prophet to know this was going to be painful just to watch. Even though you were anxiously expecting disaster to occur in the first meeting, the sunshine side in you just had to shine through. So you had an exceptionally good morning, you were on time, had a delicious bagel and the sky was sunny, therefore there was no chance of Hux fucking up your day.

The office building was huge but not exceptional among the other skyscrapers littering the city, molding it into cement block maze. The windows provide enough clearance for you to see the busy people already moving around in the offices above, you even noticed some of your own team members anxiously waiting for your arrival while preparing the rest of the documentation for today's team meeting.

You knew you were ready, your team also knew but that didn’t put to rest the anxious little monster growing inside your stomach. Still, you put on your best brave smile and entered the lobby, greeted the receptionist Clara and continued down the hall to wait for the elevator. Beeping your employee card on the scanner, to let you proceed to the elevator, put you right back into your morning routine, well, just for your coworker and a sort of subordinate, Rey bombard you with questions in the waiting line.

“Did you hear it?” Her voice sounded an octave higher than usual or maybe it was just your tired brain not used to loud sounds yet, nothing a good old coffee couldn’t fix in minutes.

“Hm?” Your brain was still too tired to properly answer and so you only mumbled an acknowledgement to her question. Slow sips of your latté seemed to clear your mind a bit, thank god for sales like bagel plus free coffee at the local cafe otherwise you would be unusable these days.

“You know what I mean.” You were sure if you were to meet eyes with Rey, she would pierce you with that intense gaze.

“The merge.” There was no merge, so far you weren’t even aware of any cuts in finances for this year or the one to follow. Whatever Rey was talking about was most likely just a bunch of bored employees gossiping and conspiring together, nothing major, nothing serious. This realization calmed you down even though The Merge sounded quite apocalyptic.

“I can assure you there is no merge, especially not between our two departments, Miss-” A voice interrupted but it did not intend to finish that sentence as if the owner was too busy to learn Rey’s name at all. He turned his attention to you, measuring you over, his calculating glare went over the ink stained hands to your low set black heels with that tiny cut on the left side you were so desperate to hide with black marker.

Armitage Hux waiting in front of the elevator for your arrival was definitely not on your list for today. He looked like a pristine image out of some magazine with men’s suits, his deep blue shaded suit with silver cufflinks perfectly paired with an expensive looking watch he was now checking printing itself in the back of your brain forever. Quite a nightmarish image of a handsome man with such a cold and cruel demeanor.

“You are both late. Meeting room 3 in 5 minutes.” And with that he was gone again, like a ghost, maybe he is a ghost of this building, stackup nitpicking cold monster that was stabbed by his tired employee centuries ago and now has to haunt the rest of you. He didn’t even turn around making you puzzle if he was truly addressing you.

“What’s going on?” Whisperyelled Rey, her wide eyes scanning the surrounding as if Armitage was going to pop up from the corner to remind her she has now 4 minutes left to be present in the meeting room.

“Trouble.” You simply answered your bewildered friend, there was no better answer to it after all. The morning you dreamed of was slowly fading into a nightmarish mess but at least you had now caffeined your brain enough to proceed to normal functions. Plus your team had your back, there was nothing to be afraid of except Armitage Hux and he was simply a man in a suit. Just an ordinary man in a tailored suit with a stoic expression.

And you were right, the team really had your back but Armitage definitely didn’t, he was mean and bossy and nitpicking and just so fucking insufferable. However, the meeting ended with both departments and their leaders arriving at a consensus, not a happy one. It almost reminded you of those messy divorce screaming matches in tv shows, except this was veiled in professionalism and formal language.

Of course your suffering didn’t end just as did the meeting, he was probably a sadist, prolonging your pain with his “Word?”. You were sure it wasn’t even a question, it was just an order for you to follow him straight to his office.

Armitage Hux’s office was neat as it can be, if it weren’t for the few scattered papers on the desk you would guess this was one of those exhibitions of furniture in Ikea. Well, even the Ikea display has more personality, some fakeass photos of happy couple/family. His office is neat until it’s bare, devoid of indicating anything about the owner’s personality.

That’s kinda sad.

“Listen, I know that the project is not top notch of the quality it could be but I think we have a solid plan we can now expand upon.” You had to win this argument, you wouldn’t let him defeat you over a project you so desperately wanted for years. So, if he wanted to fight you were ready to bare teeth at this twig in a suit.

“Oh, and before you say it’s-,” you couldn’t even finish before he interrupted you, “acceptable.”

“What?” You blurted out, completely stunned by his remark. Did Armitage Hux, after all that tousling about in the meeting room, admit the plan your team created is acceptable. Yes, there were few changes happening after the “discussion” of both teams but nothing you have not foreseen already that also didn’t mean you were happy with said changes. But consensus between two completely different departments is everything the leadership asked for.

“The proposal is acceptable, I don’t understand why I should be doubtful, so far you have only proven to be a valuable asset for the company.” Armitage was always the epitome of professional and now he was complimenting you. He was complimenting you, right? Maybe you had too much coffee, maybe you had not enough coffee and maybe God was spinning on his chair and laughing at you up in the sky.

“Oh, thanks. I will take it as a compliment, even though you sound like a formal email impersonator.” Gosh, did you really just say that to him? There was a cold sweat pooling down your back, anxiety ranking up. Was he going to yell at you for such a statement, what you have heard so far it wouldn’t be unusual for him to yell at people over smaller things.

“I don’t.” His expression could be only described as a deadpan expression. It’s actually kinda funny, not entirely scary. He doesn’t laugh, noted, but you do and you also make people laugh and so you set your new target.You almost look around to see a hidden camera or an entire camera crew as if in The office. And while you amused yourself in your mind Armitage sported back his expression to emotionless stare before turning his attention back to the documents on the desk.

“You do.” A small laugh escaped your lips at that moment and with his attention divided elsewhere you took it as an ideal time to run away exit the situation and also the office.

But before you could escape this storm of a man, he had to add. “Until the next meeting I expect you and your team to finish said plans.” And with that the conversation and mess of a morning comes to an end. However, there is still a lot of time for unexpected surprises before the day ends.

And so it began, the little you running circles in your brain over the thoughts of your new co-leader, the cold redhead slowly sneaking in your head again and again. It helped the clock to tick faster which was a good thing but the constant train of thoughts disassembling every part of your interaction with him over the time was like a cold shower every single time.

The last time you checked the clock read 5 minutes after 8pm and with that you started to pack your things ready to head home, have little dinner and continue with the paperwork over a random kdrama playing as a background noise. And as you bid everyone goodbye you noticed Armitage’s crouched figure in his office, going over some even more boring paperwork than was the one waiting on you at home. It was probably true, the first one to be in the office and the last one to leave that was Armitage’s schedule.

Sad.

And so you set your mind on a new plan, a horrible and cruel plan to ruin your late morning and exchange it for an early cold shower wake up and speed walk to a cafe not only for your favorite bagel but also a special delivery of coffee.

God, what am I even doing this early?

When the alarm buzzed you were around 100% sure you were making a mistake. Waking this early should be a crime. No, It is a crime. Especially when you were a busy little bee like you always are and spent the whole night until 3am working. But part of you knew it was going to be worthy, today was the day you were going to crack that tough ice cold exterior of Armitage’s facade.

If waking up this early wasn’t a mistake the cold shower definitely was but in all honesty you were just afraid you would fall asleep on the bus, so cold shower it was. In the end it was kinda worthy, you got your favorite bagel without having to wait in long line; got another free coffee, you had no idea if the sale was still on or if you just looked so terrible they felt sad for you and just had to give it to you; you also got Armitage his coffee and as a big finale you were on time, actually very early overall.

The office was ruefully empty. And there was no Rey to talk to, you knew she wasn’t going to be in the office until 9am but you still hoped even she would find the idea of early start amusing. In reality you expected to get laughed at when she finally decides to grace the office with her presence.

You might have felt alone in the empty corridors of the building but it was not so empty after all. The curtain might have been drawn but you could see a slim light escaping in between them from his office, the artificial light was definitely not sunshine.

He must have stayed up all night.

Mustering courage you knocked on his door before waiting on an invitation to let yourself in. It was useless, there was no sound coming from the office and so you knocked again and then again. Realizing he was not going to answer you decided to open the door and check up on him anyway.

He was sleeping on his desk with his suit jacket over the chair behind him and loose tie around his neck. The dress shirt slightly crumpled at the edges, his red hair tousled around and neck craned in such an uncomfortable position you were sure of his incoming back pain.

“Knock, knock.” You tried to say softly, just lightly waking him up but instead you groaned, your voice still not comfortable from no use this morning, startling him awake.

“I-” His form jolted, eyes flying open and searching the room for the culprit of his rough awakening. Blue eyes finally gazing upon you, Armitage looked boyishly handsome that morning, it was not just the wide expression but the state of disarray you found him in.

You decided against speaking, part of you afraid your blushing form would say something stupid, the stupid thoughts of the redhead not leaving you alone. The, almost like a cardboard, coffee cup made an uncomfortable noise once you pushed it on the table toward its owner, making the moment even more awkward.

He took a slow sip, still not fixing his hair or attire and part of you wished he never would, it suited him and you probably liked it even more than it actually suited him.

“How did you know what coffee I drink?” His voice still hoarse and laced with sleepiness painted your cheeks even more crimson red. God it made you imagine things, you didn’t even know from where the thoughts were coming but there was somehow no way to stopping them. Your view of Armitage Hux completely shattering and rearranging itself into a different image.

“It's just black coffee, Hux, I assumed you would like black coffee, you are like the embodiment of black coffee.”

“Thank you, that's very considerate of you.” His lips touched the cup in a cautious move before he took a sip, trying to hide his small smile but you noticed it, you definitely noticed it and you knew you won. You won Armitage Hux over with a simple gesture of kindness.

”Was it a compliment or?” You wanted to laugh and you wanted to see more of a happier Armitage from now on. You felt like you got closer to Hux at that moment, a possible friendship started to blossom between the two of you.

“Who knows.” Shrugging, he moved on to finally fix himself a little, smirk still apparent on his lips complimenting his tired stare. In that moment you wanted to experience more moments like this and you sure were going to try.

********

Finally it was the day the board would either accept the project or deny it. You couldn’t sleep for two days prior and even before that you slept only around 15 hours in a week, you felt almost dead. Both of you, Armitage and you, were now staring at your notebooks, ready to receive the final answer to your now weeks long struggle.

Armitage's notebook beeped, a notification sounding off, sending you flying across the desk almost into his lap, not even considering it could be a completely different email or even personal thing.

You and Armitage got closer, just as the both of your teams, over the weeks you spent on this project, countless nights together in the office seemed to harden your relationship even more. You had fun, Armitage was not only a hardworking perfectionist and handsome man, he was also very funny, like ridiculously funny in your opinion.

The email was long, like unnecessarily when it comes to formal corporal emails but the end of it was just so promising. Both of you skimmed over the words, searching for the phrases denied. There was none, the only thing in the end it contained was so sweet and wanted approval for your project, relieving you both of disappointment.

You were not sure who was the first, if you or Armitage, but now the both of you were jumping as high as you could while clinging to each other, a victorious hug. It could take only seconds or minutes, you squealing and Armitage yelling, hugging each other and jumping once again, but when it was over, the embarrassment in both parties was apparent.

Anyone could come into this office at any time, it was not uncommon for most of the higher ranking employees to just not knock and barge in and if they saw the team leaders of the current biggest project in the company disheveled and out of breath, who knows what they would think.

There was a common understanding of this premise and so the following actions were understandable, while you tried to smooth your skirt down, Armitage did the same to his hair and also his tie. He was still out of breath and a bit flushed, his look of happiness making you warm again.

“You should trust your guts more.” And again with his disheveled appearance, this man was going to be the death of you for sure. And while he was busy sporting himself back into his usual calm and perfect form you had to admire how far the both of you have come.

“Trust my guts? Armitage, I have a crippling anxiety.” Wholehearted laugh clawed its way out of your throat, making him smile. “That’s like the worst advice ever.” You continued still giggling like a little girl with your cheeks starting to hurt from all the happiness flowing inside you.

“I tried.”

“I appreciate it.” You gave him a small shy smile, your cheeks were still too warm for you to completely concentrate. “Thank you.” You whispered in the end.

“You are welcome.” Nodding fondly over this conversation, Hux gave you a smug expression, which you have completely missed because you turned your attention back to the documents you had to prepare for the next meeting.

“Even though you should be the one thanking me for my amazing advice.” Armitage chimes in, relaxed expression kept in place while he slightly nudged you in the ribs.

“Was it a joke?” Your face morphing into a shocked amused grin, you turned to him, observing the man momentarily. “Did Armitage Hux just make a joke?” You were not aware that Armitage Hux, the cold hearted redhead, could joke but you liked it and hoped it would stay like this for a while.

“I regret ever interacting with you.” You could see the slight smirk forming on Armitage's face when he spoke, unable to contain it. Since starting working on this project you and Armitage really got close, you would even call him your friend now. Yeah, he was still sometimes a cold prick but you could see the appeal of him. Handsome, smart and very passionate for his work with a decent sense of humor, Armitage Hux was definitely a catch. This project really opened your eyes when it came to him.

“You don’t.” Your elbow met what you firstly assumed would be a bony mass but in reality was well defined muscles under what you deemed was branded suit.

“I do.” He couldn’t fight the smirk off now. It was awfully obvious. The past you would probably be slightly horrified over the thought of Armitage Hux smirking. The picture of it being painted under the impression that he is obviously an evil corporate man. However, seeing him smirk now sparked something completely different in you. The silly picture of an evil man from a cartoon you used to hold in your mind when someone said his name was replaced with a charming looking redhead man in a suit with a warm aura around him.

“Nah.” You felt silly, stupid and giddy over this man and how warm he made you feel even though everyone viewed him as a cold and mean man he never was. “You love it.”

“Yeah, I do.” The stare he gave you made something carnal turn in you, it was not an alien feeling but with Armitage there was a new intensity to it. Red liquid heat pooled inside your belly under his loving gaze.

Oh.

“I-I have to go and- inform the team, you know- so they like- know and- stuff.” You titered a bit, unsure how to continue such a conversation. Did Armitage Hux really make your heart skip a beat now? First he jokes and now he makes your heart flutter, the world truly is full of wonders

“Yeah, totally. I-” He seemed absentminded for a second, something you could hardly ever see on the young team leader’s face. Everyone might talk about his cold attitude but no one could deny how dedicated Armitage was to his work. Even though you weren’t from the same department you knew long before this project presented itself in front of you, that he was the first in the office and also the last one to leave. His workaholism seemed even more prominent with his quick responses to your emails regarding the shared project no matter at which hour you would send them. It was something worth admiring and fearing at the same time. And now you were the one stuck in their mind and still staring at him.

“Hey, would you like- to go for a coffee or something?” His voice cracked in the middle, maybe it was trying to stop him from continuing but he still pushed through, the final bits of courage sending him past the finish line, finally asking.

OH.

“Your proposal is acceptable.” You tried to imitate his voice, those words as a reminder to the conversation you had with him after the first meeting.

“Thank god.” The relief on his face was comforting to see. Armitage was really keen to go out with you and it made you happy beyond anything.

Bonus little bits with Armitage’s POV:

He really hoped he could avoid Ben this morning but luck seemed not to be on his side this time. Armitage and Ben have been friend-workers since they both started in the company. They actually knew each other even before since they both went to the same college. At first they were not awfully close, Ben liked to annoy the fuck out of Armitage while he was trying to enjoy his morning coffee, lunch or evening run. Basically destroying nice things he liked but somehow the two of them stuck together and formed a sort of friendship over some time. That of course didn’t change anything on Ben annoying him with every single ounce he had in himself, which was the exact reason he really wanted to escape him this morning. This perfect late morning, he decided to enjoy himself and to read in bed until it was completely necessary to go to work. He never did that but recent sunshine in his office seemed to brighten his life and mood all the time so why not to enjoy a slow morning, he was after all always on time for 5 years straight now.

Armitage could see Ben towering over the cubicles scattered over the big room on the second floor of the company building. Ben was currently laughing over something some brown haired woman said, Armitage recently learnt her name was Rey and Ben was incredibly fond of her. This information was obviously carefully and pragmatically locked down inside his brain to be used later if the time called for it.

And so Armitage hoped he could silently walk down to his office without Ben annoying him so early in the morning, leaving him to reminisce about what today could bring him, especially if it was in the form of a cute co-leader he recently had the chance to meet. He was wrong, obviously, well not really, but yes, he was wrong.

The young redhead was correct when his thoughts browsed back to you and if you would be as cheerful in his presence as you were yesterday. What he however didn’t mean to summon was not only your attention but also Ben’s.

“Armitage!” And there you were, a sunshine smile and loud voice directing everyone's attention, including Ben’s, to yourself before they turned to see him.

He simply nods in acknowledgement without realizing his face was graced with a slowly spreading smile. Ignoring his previous distaste in morning conversation, giving her a small wave didn’t seem so annoying as greeting Ben.

“Well, well, well, who is trying to sneak by.” God, just his voice could irritate Armitage to death on most days but today it was exceptionally nightmare inducing.

“I wasn’t sneaking by. I was simply walking to my office.” He answers curly, not giving even a glance to Ben, his expression still souring into deadpan one.

“You should take your coffee with some milk, you are awfully bitter in the morning.” Ben sniggers, amused at his joke.

“You're the one who is quite giddy today. Did the board meeting yesterday go that well?” But Armitage is ready to fire back right at him.

“Nah, not really.” This finally got Ben to shut up and Armitage to go about his morning in silence.

******************

“I didn’t think you were the type to go crazy over a woman.” Ben’s laugh is loud and childish, echoing on the open walls of the main hall between offices.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” The look he gave to Ben was one of his favorites, offended and beyond believe irritated. It was a perfect illusion for him to uphold, ‘cause in reality Hux’s mind was in a midst of complete panic but still he kept on his killer pace to his office, maybe to lose Ben in the big space where the rest of the desk of their subordinates was located.

How much does he know?

This thought however, stopped Armitage in his walk, contemplating if he should address it more. And finally where he was sure his tongue wouldn’t twist itself in his mouth when he spoke of you, he turned around.

“You talk like a cartoon villain, you know that, right?.” Ben’s tall form was not leaning on the side of one of the tables , his gaze partly fixed at his phone before it’s lifted to assess the redhead’s reaction. It was deliberate, it was all planned out, a humiliating and uncomfortable situation Ben could trap him in easily, to get all the answers he wanted.

Now he knew he couldn’t win against that ridiculous giant, this was always a losing game. If he took it too seriously Ben would admit to only be joking, trying to get a rise out of him, if he continued to ridicule or ignore his questions Ben would only tease him more, a truly lost game in Armitage’s eyes. “God, please go and do your job.” But still he could try to collect any advantage he could get his hands on, the advantage being taking everything and shutting himself in his office until the end of the day.

-collects all his things and gets up to leave

“I am working.” Ben’s cheerful voice still followed him, digging into his back in a teasing manner. “No, You are not!” Armitage was aware how his voice boomed through the office making some employees turn their heads over the ruckus but Ben was quite oblivious to his friend’s voice’s effect. He actually couldn’t help but laugh at his friend for moments still unaware of the attention he was given by his colleagues hidden among the various desks in that room. However, even Ben was deemed to notice the confused look he was given by one of the younger secretaries over the small cubicle wall.

“Sorry.” His hands flew up in an apology or a manner that reminded most of them of surrender, before he decided to lift himself up from the desk and proceed to an elevator. Ben of course caught a glimpse of her, so familiar brown haired woman who was already entering one of the elevators. Feeling his chance, Ben's quick walking, caused by his slight embarrassment from the situation prior, turned into jogging when he thought he was already out of sight for the rest of his colleagues.

“Hi.” The elevator was empty except for the said brown haired woman, she looked pretty, exceptionally pretty. Well, she always looked beautiful and so to level the playing field, Ben put on one of his charming smiles before he glanced her way.

**************************

“You should ask her out.” This was coldly stated in the midst of conversation about going for a drink since both of the men’s projects were going to finish soon. The sentence positively stunning Armitage into a statue with a cold sweat pooling slowly down his back while his dark haired counterpart continued to munch on his sandwich.

“Ask her out or I will.” This time those words were slurred between Ben finishing the prelast bite and attempting to stuff the rest of the sandwich in his mouth. Ben’s tall form was stashed between the seating area and one of the tables, he was crunched over but no one of it helped to not make him stand out in the crowd of eating people with his broad shoulders. Ben always towered over everyone, except over Phasma from accounting actually, but everyone else was a victim to his high stature. It was almost comical just as his words. Still, Armitage fumbled with his hands, dropping from one the document he was reading while not being able to control the other, his grip on the sandwich slipping until it unceremoniously slammed in his lap and into the napkin he thankfully unfolded on it.

“What?“

“Ask her out or I-”“I heard you the first time.” Ben was used to Armitage’s cruel remarks or even interruptions but this was the first time he did so with such a vigor.

“Why did you ask then?” There was a knowing smirk painted on his lips, the redhead falling into his trap one more time.

“I know you won’t ask her out.” This confused Ben greatly. What did he mean? The dark haired man adored teasing his pale friend on a daily basis but it was almost unheard of Armitage opposing him. He did attempt to oppose several times and it was not exactly as playful as Ben wished for, usually it consisted of Hux reminding him to get back to work and where is the fun in that? But this time, this time Armitage had something on Ben and he absolutely didn’t like it.

“Rey wouldn’t like that, would she now?” What was left of the knowing smirk on Ben’s face disappeared seconds after those words were muttered into the air between the two men. This time it was Ben who was left with red cheeks and ears, absolutely flabbergasted and fumbling hands with the wrappers of his now gone lunch.

************************

Armitage didn’t even realize how organized you were but now that he had the chance to see inside your office he was lost for words. Who would have thought someone like you would have neatly organized folders with color marked projects and spreadsheets for time management not only for your team but your work.

“You are awfully organized.” He truly was in awe at how your space looked.

“Thanks?”

“I expected to find a battlefield in your office but it’s- surprisingly tiddy?” He didn’t mean tiddy, he meant a perfect, absolutely and adoringly perfect environment for him to exist, something that almost seems to be made just for him.

“That’s kinda rude, Armitage.” He was not known for making a lot of people laugh, maybe Ben but it was more of a laugh at his own account, with you it was somehow ridiculously easy, apparently.

“I was complimenting you.” He objects, trying to defend his honor, it was not in his intentions to come off as rude as it might have seemed.

“Sure.”

Again with the laugh.

“You should take it as a compliment. Organized people are h-,” he paused, gulping down his words until it weighed heavy in his stomach,”good.”

“Good?” There was a suspicious smirk playing on your lips as if you knew what he wanted to say but Armitage almost sure you had no clue, you simply wanted to tease him a bit more.

But God, what if you did catch his misstep? No, surely you didn’t. He gave you one more questioning look to make sure you were none the wiser.

“Yes.” He had to clear his throat, to compose himself a bit by bit but there was an unbearable weight at his chest, almost too consuming. “For business. Organized people are known to be very reliable and hardworking employees.”

Yes, good. They are good. I totally didn’t mean hot. Because organized women are totally not absolutely hot. And I totally just didn’t realize it’s a thing for me. Ha ha. Please, act normal.

Armitage’s brain must have looked like a scrambled egg now, trying to unravel all his thoughts into a coherent solid state so he could function properly while unsuccessfully avoiding all his thoughts involving you and this office.

“Found it.” You held up a blue folder with a little yellow sticky note poking out of the main pages.

Oh, yes, the scripts for the main document, that’s what brought the two of you inside your office. That’s why he was now stuck between walls adored with shelves upon which sat dozens of cute plants. A complete opposite of his office but very cozy, it was obvious you decorated the room with a clear idea of making it a positive and comfortable environment. The purple sofa in the corner ideal for-

Yep, Armitage was fully aware he was fucked.

#armitage hux x reader #armitage hux x reader au #office au #star wars x reader #star wars fanfiction #domhnall gleeson x reader #general hux x reader #isa writes #reylo #ben solo #rey and ben solo

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whoiwanttoday · 2 months

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So I pre purchased tickets for Love Lies Bleeding for a few reasons. One, it's getting great reviews and has been since it first screened at SXSW. I already liked the idea of it but knowing it works is hugely exciting. If you don't know, Film Noir is one of my favorite genres and every November my friends and I do Noirvember which started a decade ago with them going, "Film Noir seems cool but I don't know anything about it". Well guys, I did know about it and it was about time to put that education to use so that first year I chose 5 movies that I felt would help demonstrate the characteristics of the genre and wrote essays about each one with what to look for and what identifying tropes of the genre were there. Since then I have put in far less effort but every year we try to grab some movies that are significant for various reasons to the genre. My point is, I love Noir and really appreciate French film critics for inventing it after the fact. So Love Lies Bleeding is not a Noir, it is a Neo-Noir but for obvious reasons it's a genre that always interests me for obvious reasons. It's a Neo-Noir because you can't make film Noir anymore, part of what makes it film noir is when it was made and that no one has ever set out to make a Noir, if you are you're making a Neo-Noir. But I love them, too, especially sun soaked ones. Thirdly, Kristen Stewart. First of all, I think she is a tremendous actress who just does great work and her projects just get more and more interesting. They don't always work but man, I want big swings rather than boring. There are so many safe movies I give higher ratings to than interesting failures but those safe, bland mediocre movies all fade into the background, I still think about the interesting failures. So I love that she tries cool projects and the truth is most of her work. She always works in them. But the thing is, when I heard she was doing this I just knew it was perfect. My favorite Noir figure is probably Humphrey Bogart. That's not an out there selection, the guy was undeniably cool. And I was like, yes, let Kristen Stewart be Humphrey Bogart. I think she could 100% pull off that. I mean, I don't think she is in this movie, she's playing a different kind of a mess than the cool character who keeps getting in over his head but when it comes to vibes of someone who can be my favorite sort of Noir protagonist it's her. Which is a long way of saying I have tickets to go see the movie and resisted posting Kristen yesterday cause my brain was like, "We'll post her after we see the movie". Welp, I didn't make it cause she has been all over the place and looking very good. So I caved and made it exactly one day. Today I want to fuck Kristen Stewart.

#Kristen Stewart #brunette #Actress #whoiwanttofucktoday

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lilcatdraws · 6 months

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Some J Headcanons 💜

I felt like ranting about him in my notes today ☺️

J loooves to draw or make any kind of art really. Painting, photography, sketching, etc. It’s therapeutic and it helps him sort out his chaotic brain. He considers himself to be an artist since he sees his “work” as art.

He is super intelligent and creative. He can fix things and explain how they work. He’s even made his own explosives before.

I hc that he has ASPD, PTSD, and insomnia or other sleep problems, I’m not really sure.

Many people think J hears voices in his head but I don’t think he does. The voices he hears are his own thoughts. He has a racing mind and too many things come at him at one time. He has impulsive thoughts frequently but he doesn’t act on them much unless there aren’t any major consequences. This is a factor in his ASPD. He also gets bored easily (which is another symptom).

He has scars all over his body. Some are battle scars from the military and some are from his work.

Songs I think fit him really well - Anger Rising by Jerry Cantrell, Jeremy by Pearl Jam, Lithium by Nirvana, One by Metallica and Rooster by Alice In Chains (these reflect his military background), Once by Pearl Jam, Angry Chair by Alice In Chains, Where is My Mind? by the Pixies, People Are Strange by the Doors, Coming Undone by Korn and Play with Fire by Sam Tinnesz

J’s music taste is very similar to mine, if not the exact same. He’s definitely a metal head, he likes 60s and 70s classic rock, and grunge resonates with him the most cause the angst 😭 His favorite bands are Metallica, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, Alice In Chains, and Pearl Jam. I hc he skateboarded in his younger years and PJ has the perfect music for skating. He likes Led Zeppelin because his mom liked them and he grew up with their music.

Speaking of his mother, he had a very close relationship with her. He takes after in looks except she has blonde hair and hazel eyes. He gets his curly hair from her. When he got big enough he would protect her from his abusive father even if it meant he got his ass kicked. Losing his mom was part of what pushed him over the edge.

He doesn’t drink or take any substances. I used to hc that he drank but now that I think about it, that doesn’t make sense for a number of reasons. He does smoke sometimes. Idk it just fits for some reason. He tries to avoid it when he can though because he knows it’s bad for him.

J is a cat person. He loves both cats and dogs but he loves cats the most. He likes their spunky personalities and he thinks they’re funny. There were a lot of stray cats in the neighborhood he grew up in.

#ledger joker #heath ledger #the dark knight #j headcanons #lilcat writes

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jerzwriter · 1 year

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A Family Affair

Book: Open Heart (Book 3 Timeline)

Pairing: Tobias Carrick x F!MC (Casey)

Rating: Teen

Warnings: Some characters are anti-pride/queerphobic

Summary: Several months into their relationship, Tobias takes Casey to meet his late father's family. Casey is apprehensive. The rich and powerful Carricks occupy a world she is not comfortable with. The evening is tense but bearable until the topic of pride month is broached.

Words: 4,900

A/N: I've been working on this for a while, and OMG, once my dog got sick, writer's block hit hard. It's a very important fic to me, so I hope it did it justice; the brain is still kind of mush, but I don't want to sit on this any longer. I'll likely read it tomorrow, cry, and edit. lol Participating in @choicesficwriterscreations pride bingo, family, @choicesjunechallenge pride month, and @choicespride familial relationships

He had imagined this for some time now. Ever since the night Casey confirmed she loved him every bit as much as he loved her, it took all of Tobias’s restraint not to shout it from the rooftops. He was thirty-seven before the seemingly impossible was achieved: he found a woman that made forever seem like too short a time. Now that she was here, he wanted to tell the world. But the world included his family, even his late father’s side, who he tended to avoid. His father was no longer here, but his family was. So when his Aunt Pauline invited him to a gathering at her Washington, DC home, he jumped at the chance to attend. An act that left him a bit baffled and left Casey a bit terrified.

Today, she was a bright, rising star in the medical world. With an Ivy League education and a string of publications under her belt, everyone knew Dr. Casey MacTavish was destined for great things. But deep down, she would always be that little girl that grew up in South Philly. The one for whom back-to-school shopping didn't entail a trip downtown or to the mall but sifting through her cousin’s hand-me-downs on the living room floor. While she always knew food would always be on the table, it could be… creative at times. Cars and vacations? They only existed on the family’s small, antiquated television that always seemed to be on the fritz. Still, she knew she was rich in many ways. Her loving, accepting family provided her with all the tools she needed to become the woman she was today.

Tobias wasn’t a complete stranger to the life Casey had led; his mother’s family shared a similar background, so he had a point of reference; but he was born a Carrick and lived in another world. A place so foreign to most, it may as well have been thousands of miles away. Old money, accompanied by the power and trappings that came with it. His childhood was filled with homes that rivaled museums. Servants, cars, travel, and excess most could only imagine were part of his daily life. But all that glitters is not gold.

Demanding, unaccepting, and unforgiving of those who didn’t follow family edicts would pay a price. Sure, they were careful to present a united front to the world; polite society required it. But when the doors were shut, a darker picture emerged. Tobias bore the scars of his childhood; still, as an adult, he knew how to navigate his family’s world with ease, even if it was with a touch of disdain. But tonight, the man was too enamored to believe anything could go wrong.

He waited at the bottom of the grand staircase that was the centerpiece of his childhood home as Casey descended. Dressed in the elegant black silk sheath and matching shawl he gifted her, it was nothing a newly minted doctor with a mountain of debt could afford on her own. His mother's geometric gold necklace adorned her neck; it was stunning, even if not exactly to her taste. It looked like a work of art and had a price tag that could back that claim.

She was a vision, and Tobias couldn’t peel his eyes away. Heat rose to Casey’s cheeks under his gaze, and she turned to him with a coy smile.

“What are you looking at?” She teased.

“The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” he answered at once.

“You’re smooth as ever, aren’t you, Carrick?”

“If I’m talking to you, it’s not being smooth; I’m simply stating facts. Are you ready to go?”

Casey let out a deep breath, careful to conceal her apprehension with a warrior’s smile. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

She was uncharacteristically quiet as the couple’s Town Car meandered through the congested city streets. Her eyes were glued to the window, and her grip on his hand seemed to tighten with every second that passed. She could do this; she reminded herself. She could fit into his world, even if it was a world she had no desire to fit into.

Most would consider it a bonus, learning the person they fell in love with came from enormous wealth, but Casey wasn't most people. She had already fallen in love with Tobias when she learned he was one of the Carricks… and she was less than thrilled. But, if she wanted a future with him, and she wanted that with all her heart, she had to find a way to make his world a part of her own… at least when they visited.

"You don’t have to be worried about tonight,” he reassured.

"I'm not," she half-smiled.

"You lie like a cheap rug,” he snickered, happy to see her laugh. Tobias may have been part of this world, but he was a man of his own design.

"It's just...." she stalled with a huff.

"You're nervous... I get it… this side of my family can be a lot, even for me. But remember, no one in that room means more to me than you… and you've already won over the only Carrick who matters."

"Your mother?" she grinned.

"Well, obviously,” he laughed. “But I meant me. Don’t worry, Casey, everything will be fine.”

He told her who would be in attendance in advance to help put her at ease. His Aunt Pauline, the hostess, and her husband, Harold. Any number of their many children or grandchildren could be there. His late father’s brother William, also known as Uncle Bill, and his wife Mandy would be there. They were the safe spot, he advised. When in doubt, stick with them. A multitude of distant cousins were on the guest list, though he didn’t know who would show.

“... and of course, Jordan will be there, so you’ll know someone other than me.”

“I wish your Mom were going,” Casey sighed wearily. “She wouldn’t let anyone mess with me.”

“And you think I will!” he blurted as they pulled up in front of the impressive home. “Come on, sweetheart. We’ve got this.”

For a while, it seemed like they did. Everyone was eager to meet her. After all, she was the shiny new thing. Tobias was finally bringing a woman home, and they were quite certain many showed up tonight just to make sure it was true. While comment after comment was made about how amazed they were; many left her feeling she wasn’t necessarily who they would have cast in the role.

“So this is who Vivian keeps going on and on about….” “You’re also a physician, I hear ….” “I hear you graduated from Perelman.. that’s impressive, especially given your background….” “You grew up in Philadelphia. Were you acquainted with Marses? If you went to the St. Martin Country Club, you simply had to….”

Casey handled it well, despite her desire to return home. Then, William Carrick arrived. His late father’s only sibling, Tobias’s eyes went bright when he entered the room.

“Uncle Bill!” he yelled, earning judgemental stares for his outburst. “That’s my dad’s brother. One of the few people I like here,” he whispered. “He’s going to adore you.”

Casey smiled graciously while shaking the kind-faced, grey-haired man’s hand. He was easy to talk to and immediately put her at ease. His wife, Mandy, was just as lovely. Tobias’s brother, Jordan, arrived and joined the group. Matching his brother’s energy, he threw his arm around Casey with a smile, and for the first time that night, she breathed a sigh of relief; perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Dinner was finally served, and Casey was flanked by Tobias and Jordan. The former joked that he was seated at the kid's section when several cousins, closer in age to Casey and Jordan than himself, sat nearby. After introductions were made, the cousins continued the conversation they were previously engaged in without making an attempt to bring the others in.

“So, you’re working on his campaign,” a flaxen-hared man in an overpriced dinner jacket asked.

“Of course!” his prematurely balding counterpart replied. “Virginia is still a swing state. It’s imperative we do all we can to change that.”

“Your favorite color was always red,” his date replied to a chorus of laughter.

Casey bit her cheek. She was well aware that many present had different beliefs than she, or even Tobias, held. But that wasn’t anything she wanted to bring to the forefront tonight. Tobias caught her eye and gave her a little smirk.

“Don’t worry,” she whispered. “I’ll behave.”

“I didn’t ask you to behave.”

“I will anyway.”

And she did. As the conversation turned to “that dreaded Senator Sanders” and how healthcare for all would destroy the country, she clenched her napkin and didn’t share how the fight for equal access to healthcare was something she worked tirelessly for. A calling she felt as a doctor. She poured another glass of wine just before immigration became the topic of discussion, and this time, someone asked her opinion.

“We all descend from immigrants, did we not?” she said through clenched teeth. “I think it’s important to remember that.”

Tobias’s Uncle Bill shot her a sympathetic smile from down the table and did his best to change the topic to something more benign. But despite his best efforts, it always veered back to something divisive.

“Do they serve anything stronger than wine at these soirees?” Casey whispered to Tobias. “Because I’m starting to think I may need it.”

“Is this too much?” he asked. “We can go if you like.”

“Dessert hasn’t even been served yet. I’m assuming that’s when we’ll have a reflection on the teachings of Ayn Rand…who would want to miss that?”

“Oh, I wish Ma was here to see this,” he laughed. “She’s been dying for some companionship at these events.”

“I’m sure. But how are you?” she asked. “You float among them so easily, but it’s like….”

“I’m a square peg in a round hole,” he finished before downing the rest of his wine. “That’s exactly what I am. Trust, except for Uncle Bill and Aunt Mandy, you won’t see these people more than once every two years… and at funerals.”

“You said funeral with too much delight,” she chuckled.

“Only certain funerals. I’m going to head to the restroom. Care to join me,” he said, with a wiggle of his brows.

“Oh, sure!” She grinned. “Being caught getting frisky with you in the bathroom is not something I plan to do on my first meeting with these people.”

“You’re right,” he nodded as he stood up. “We should wait until at least your third visit for that.”

When Tobias returned to the table, Aunt Pauline met his gaze with a sparkle in her eye.

“Tobias, Casey is just delightful. Please tell me you're serious with her," she swooned.

Tobias placed his arm around Casey’s shoulder and pulled her close.

“Very much so. I have no intention of letting her get away.”

“Is that why we were instructed to lock the doors upon your arrival?” Uncle Bill teased.

“Hey, I’m not taking my chances,” Tobias chortled.

“Well, I couldn’t be happier!” Aunt Pauline beamed. “Your mother was right! She was worth the wait. You’re a lucky man, Tobias.”

“Thank you,” Casey blushed. “But trust me, I’m the lucky one.”

A cousin sipping an after-dinner drink scoffed at her remark. “No doubt you are,” he sneered. While Casey heard him perfectly clear, the remark appeared to go unnoticed by everyone else.

“Pauline, darling,” Her husband, Harold, chimed in. “It’s a beautiful evening. Should I instruct the staff to serve dessert on the patio?”

Pauline harumphed with a wave of her hand. “On any other night, I’d say yes, but not tonight!”

“Why not tonight?” Uncle Bill asked. “It’s the perfect weather for it.”

“It would be,” Pauline replied. “If only we didn’t have to be subjected to the debauchery about to begin outside.”

Casey wrinkled her nose and leaned to whisper in Tobias’s ear. “I didn’t know debauchery was on the agenda?”

“I wasn’t aware either,” he whispered back. “I assumed that was reserved for us when we get back to the townhome later on.”

Casey giggled as she turned back to the conversation, which had continued while they momentarily escaped into their own little world.

“It’s pathetic!” someone else stated. “We can't even enjoy a night outside… we shouldn’t be subjected to this.”

“I don’t disagree,” Pauline grumbled. “Had I realized the date sooner, I would have rescheduled our dinner. But if you get in your cars and head south, you’ll be spared the bulk of the depravity.”

“Depravity?” Casey giggled curiously. “What on earth is going on outside?”

“The neighborhood pride festival,” a cousin answered with disdain.

“There was a time this neighborhood escaped such things,” another chimed in. “But those days are long gone.”

Casey’s jaw went slack and she was sure blood was going to start dripping out of her mouth from biting her tongue all night, and she was nearing her breaking point.

“And how does the festival hurt you, Lars?” Aunt Mandy asked angrily.

“It doesn’t hurt me, per se. But it hurts society. Do you know nearly twenty percent of Gen Z identifies as queer? Twenty percent! That’s up staggeringly from previous generations, and this is why! They’re bombarded with the gay agenda from the moment they’re born!”

Casey sat upright in her chair, slamming her wine glass on the table much louder than she had intended.

“Agenda?” She spat. “Outside wishing to be respected and have the same rights afforded to other Americans, can you please tell me what is on this… agenda? Because I must have missed the memo.”

“The agenda is clear,” Lars replied. “It’s to turn people into… them. That’s why there are so many of them now.”

“Oh, so you’re delusional enough to believe that there were fewer queer people in previous generations. Or do you think that, maybe, people were just forced to live in closets?”

Lars emptied his glass and motioned to a server for another. “Better in their closets than out on my streets!”

“Your streets?” Casey scoffed.

“Lars,” an older relative jumped in. “What does it matter if they’re gay? It’s not as if it’s going to turn you gay.”

Casey briefly thought there may have been an iota of common sense in the room, but that ended quickly.

“But I understand where you’re coming from, and it’s overdone. Gay pride month? Come on… when do we get straight pride month.”

When a rumble of laughter filled the room, Casey unfurled.

“Do you have any idea how insulting that is?” she barked. “Straight pride month? You should be happy that you don’t need a straight pride month? When was the last time you had to forgo holding your partner’s hand in public because it could endanger your life? Has a landlord ever denied you an apartment because they found out you were moving in with your straight partner? Or has anyone gone to court to ask for the right not to sell you a freaking cake? Or to say it’s against their values to provide you with medical care? Medical care! When has being straight ever caused a problem like this for you? Tell me. I’ll wait.”

Her arms were crossed defiantly in front of her chest, and her face began turning their favorite color… red. As silence hung, several looked to Tobias to intervene.

“Don’t look at me,” he shrugged. “Casey asked a question, and I believe the polite thing to do would be to answer. Anyone?”

“Uhm, I see,” Pauline stuttered. “I didn’t… we didn’t realize this was a … a sensitive subject for you.”

“It’s not sensitive. But I do want an answer. If you can tell me why a straight pride month is needed, I promise, I’ll help plan it.”

“Casey,” a relative she hadn’t previously spoken to chimed in. “I assure you, they aren’t bad people. It’s just their… exposure to people different than themselves is limited… they don’t even know any queer people.”

“Oh,” Casey scoffed. “I assure you, they do. They probably don’t feel comfortable enough to let them know it… but they do.”

“She’s right,” Tobias backed up. “But for argument's sake, let's just say they didn’t. Then maybe you should get out there and meet some. Being exposed to different people than yourselves. What a concept? That's how you learn and grow, and that’s not a bad thing. Is it?”

“Casey,” Pauline interrupted, growing uncomfortable with the scene that had emerged. “I would like to apologize. We didn’t know… I assume you have… gay… people in your life.”

“Yeah,” Casey sighed. “I do, and, as of tonight, so do you.”

“I… I don’t understand,” the elderly woman queried.

“I’m bisexual. And until this moment, you really seemed to like me. Does this change your mind? Because I assure you, I was just as bisexual when I arrived tonight as I am now. Nothing about me has changed.”

“Wait…” Lars interrupted. “You can't be bisexual. You’re dating Tobias.”

Casey rolled her eyes. “Do you even know what bisexual means? It means I’m attracted to more than one gender… which includes men. Being that Tobias is a man, he fits the bill.”

“I’m grateful for that…” Tobias injected.

“Well, that’s all right, dear…” Harold stated. “You seem to be a lovely young woman, and this whole…thing… won’t be an issue. You’re with our great-nephew… and… people will assume you’re a normal couple. We don’t need to announce to the world that you are….” His words trailed, and Aunt Mandy stepped in.

“Bisexual,” she offered with a smile.

“Normal?” Casey spat. “If you want normal, you can find that setting on your washing machine. Of course, you’re probably about as acquainted with washing machines as you are with people like me. And sorry, I’m not going back into a closet for anyone.”

“Well,” the old man said, wringing his hands. “It’s just that if… say… you and Tobias should say… get married one day….you’d be a Carrick, and…”

“Oh, that’s the plan…” Tobias jumped in. “I told you, I have no intention of letting her go.”

“Well … we’ve never had this in the family!”

“You probably have,” Casey insisted. “But I have no problem leading the way if you haven't. Hell, it may even help your image! Bring you into this century!”

“But there is no need to announce it,” Pauline pleaded.

“If you Google my name, you’ll see who I am. I’ve been an activist since college. It’s out there…and I’m proud of it.”

“Well, we are a powerful family,” Harold stated. “We could have that all wiped clean well in advance of any potential announcements….”

Casey was about to strike that down, but Tobias beat her to the punch.

“Over my dead body,” he blurted, taking Casey’s hand. “Casey knows who she is, and I’m never going to ask her to be any less. Because she’s just perfect in my book.”

Casey met his eyes with a grateful smile, then turned back to the family.

“I’m comfortable with and proud of who I am. But I’m not comfortable being here any longer.”

“That’s my queue,” Tobias hummed, finishing off his drink before standing up from the table.

“Tobias,” Lars sputtered. “You’re all right with this? You finally settle down and she's... bisexual. Do you want to be cheated on?"

“Whoa…you think I’ll be unfaithful because I’m bisexual? Holy fucked up stereotypes, Batman! Like straight people have cornered the market on fidelity? I’m sure none of the straight folk in this room have ever dealt with that, right?” A low rumble filled the room before she continued. “Trust me, Tobias has nothing to worry about. He’s the person in my life, and I adore him. Hard stop. You have so much to learn, but I’m done teaching today.”

Casey and Tobias were almost at the door when she felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to find Uncle Bill.

“Casey, I’d like to apologize on behalf of my family. You were a guest tonight and weren’t treated very hospitably. Unfortunately, the small-mindedness of some here knows no bounds. I hope you’ll come to visit Mandy and me at our home. We’d like to introduce you to our daughters and grandchildren, even our sons-in-law,” he chuckled. “Seriously, we want to get to know the woman who finally took our nephew out of circulation.”

Bill grinned at Tobias. “I can see why she did. She’s something else, isn’t she?”

“Uncle Bill,” Tobias beamed, “You have no idea.”

He clapped Tobias on the back and pulled him into a hug. “I wish your father were here… he would have been so proud… of both of you.”

“Well," Tobias replied. "He was a bit of a rabble-rouser, too, wasn’t he?”

“Yes!” Bill grinned. “He had no tolerance for this bullshit.”

“Good trouble. That’s what he and Ma used to say.”

“Exactly! Now, come you two. Let me walk you out.”

Alone in the back seat of the car, Casey asked the driver to raise the privacy partition, then turned to Tobias, slightly abashed.

“I’m really sorry that I….”

“Stop,” he interrupted. “You don’t owe me an apology. I think I owe you one.”

“You?”

“Yeah, I avoid the majority of the people in that room tonight like the plague. I don’t know what I was thinking exposing you to them. It’s just… not having my dad here anymore… I thought the next best thing would be introducing you to them. In retrospect, I should have limited that to Uncle Bill and Aunt Mandy.”

“Tobias, do you think I don’t have people like that in my family? You think I don’t run into people like them every day… you don’t have to apologize for their behavior. But…” she stalled. “I suppose we should talk.”

“About what?” he asked nervously.

“I never actually told you I was bisexual.”

“Well,” Tobias laughed, “When Jessica was in town, and you introduced her to me as your ex-girlfriend, I kind of got the hint. .”

“I don’t think it’s something people should have to share. I mean, straight people don’t have to declare it at the start of a relationship, do they? So, I’ve always felt I shouldn’t either. But I really want a life with you, and I need to know if this is a problem for you.”

“A problem? No, it's not a problem. I love you for you, and I meant what I said back there. You are perfect just the way you are. I wouldn't change a thing about you... except maybe the way you're always stealing the covers at night."

Casey reached over and caressed his cheek. “This is just one of the reasons I love you. But if you want to discuss it, you can ask me anything. I’m an open book to you.”

“That goes in reverse. You can ask me anything you want, any time. No secrets between us.”

“Well,” she smirked, snuggling closer to him. “I mean, I love you and all, but we have established you were quite the ho before you met me. I just assumed it was because you were straight.”

“Oh, really!” he laughed heartily. “We will have no slut shaming in this car, young lady… and no disparaging any sexual orientation… including mine.”

“You know I’m joking,” she laughed. “About everything except that I love you.”

“Good, 'cause that’s the only part that matters. But… you know… the way you put my family in place,” he smiled salaciously. “I’m not going to lie; I’m so fucking turned on right now.”

“Are you,” Casey laughed, “then a good thing your mother’s away, and we have the townhome to ourselves.”

Just then, the car pulled in front of the home, and Tobias cursed under his breath.

“What’s wrong?” Casey asked.

“Look,” he pointed to the front steps Jordan was sitting, all man spread with a bottle of beer in his hand. “So much for alone.”

“He’s not staying here,” Casey giggled. “Let's go chat; he won't be here all night. A little patience, Dr. Carrick.”

“Jordan! What’s up?” Tobias asked as they approached. “What are you doing outside?”

“Waiting on you,” he said, handing each of them a cold bottle of beer. “But I went inside to get these first.”

“Sitting on the front steps drinking beer?” Casey gasped. “Isn’t this going to lower the Carrick’s standing in polite society?”

“Like these Carricks ever gave a fuck about that,” Tobias laughed, but Jordan stayed silent.

“Casey, you were really something back there,” he mumbled, staring down at his feet. “You’re a strong woman. I’m impressed.”

“Well, thank you. But all I did was speak my truth. Sometimes it’s not easy, but I’ve found it’s easier than living a lie.”

“Is it?” he asked.

“I think so. Now, I’m not sure if I’ll be invited to the next Carrick family gathering,” she laughed, “But….”

“Pfft,” Tobias spat. “If we are, we’re not gracing them with our presence.”

“Except for Uncle Bill,” Jordan smiled.

“Uncle Bill seems awesome,” Casey agreed. “I think he and Aunt Mandy are the only two Carricks not mortified over having someone like me associated with the family. Hell, it’s 2021. It’s about time the Carricks queered up a little. I’m happy to the first."

“Except… you’re not,” Jordan muttered.

Casey tilted her head in Jordan’s direction. “I’m not?”

“Nope. You’re just the first with the nerve to be honest... and open. I’ve never told anyone in the family,” he looked to Tobias. “Not even you… but I’m bisexual.”

Casey sat down on the step next to Jordan, placing a supportive hand on his shoulder.

“Jordan… I had no idea.”

“You wouldn’t,” he shrugged. “I’ve kept it a well-guarded secret.”

“Why?” Tobias asked. “I mean, I get from the others, but why from me?”

Jordan shrugged. “I’m bisexual; it’s easy to hide in plain sight if I want to. And you know our family. I wasn’t ever planning on letting them know, so… why not keep it to myself.”

“And that’s your prerogative,” Casey said, widening her eyes in Tobias’s direction to stave off the line of questioning she knew was about to begin. “I was much happier once I was out. But that’s only my experience, and it should never dictate yours. When and if you decide to be out... that’s up to you and only you.”

Jordan placed his hand on Casey’s knee and smiled. “And until tonight, my answer to that would have been that it’s never going to happen. But now… I’m not so sure.”

“Well, just know if you decide to do so, you know you have my support….” Tobias assured. “At least, I hope you know that.”

“I do,” Jordan smiled. “Outside of a couple of friends, you two are the first people I’ve ever told, and… you know what… it feels good. I have to process this a little more, but I think I’d like to tell Ma. Do you think she’ll be pissed?”

“You’re her son, and Mom is going to love you no matter what,” Tobias insisted. “Besides, you know Mom’s always been cool about this stuff. She’s not… the Carricks."

“That’s a relief,” Casey sighed. “I’m sure news of tonight's shenanigans will get back to her, and I was worried she might dislike me now. See, this is what sucks. Sometimes people like me until they find out… then I’m shunned. I try not to let it bother me, but…”

“But, you’re human,” Jordan smiled.

“Would you like to go inside and talk?” Casey asked. “I know it’s late, but…”

“No,” Jordan smiled as he rose to his feet. “I’m going to walk back to my place. I have a lot to think about, but I just wanted to get this off my chest. Thank you for letting me.”

Casey stood to give Jordayna hug. “Hey, you’re not excluding me from this!” Tobias smiled as he joined in.

“You sure you don’t want to come in?” Casey asked again.

“Nah. Even if I did, I know my brother,” he winked. “After what you did tonight… standing up to those people... he has to so fucking turned on!"

"I told you!" Tobias yelled as Casey covered her face.

"You sure do know him," she laughed.

"Now, get out of here. Go home, get some sleep.”

“And you get inside…," Jordan grinned at his brother. "And do… whatever you’re going to do.”

Tobias and Casey returned to the steps. He wrapped his arm around her, and she nuzzled her head in the crook of his neck. They sat silent for several minutes as they watched Jordan walk away.

“Well, that was quite a night,” Tobias sighed.

“It didn't go exactly as you expected, did it?”

“Nah, but in this family…I’ve seen much, much worse.” He lifted her chin from his shoulder, turning to look her in the eye. “I love you, Casey MacTavish. I keep saying I can’t possibly love you anymore, but you keep proving me wrong.”

“Mmm. Let’s see if I can keep that up for the rest of our lives,” she smiled. “Now. You mentioned something about being all turned on? That wasn't all talk, was it?"

A wicked grin spread slowly across his moonlit face. “I’ll race you to the bedroom."

Tags on reblog.

#tobias carrick #tobias carrick x mc #choices fanfic #open heart #open heart fanfic #open heart choices #choices open heart #cfwc pride bingo #choices pride #pride 2023 #playchoices fanfic #happy pride 🌈

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youreverydayestj · 1 year

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ESTJ Hate: A Rant From an ESTJ’s Perspective

TLDR: ESTJs are not jerks, narcissists, or arrogant assholes. ANY type can be like that, so knock it off and stop bullying them.

As the title says, this blog/ article is going to be a rant about the type community and their attitude toward ESTJs.

And this hate can be applied to other types, like my fellow ESFJs and any sensor in the community.

But today we’ll focus on the most hated MBTI type: ESTJs (aka my type).

Disclaimer

I sincerely hope that you’ll read this article with an open mind and please try to understand where I’m coming from despite the… heated tone this article has. 😅

I get it if you think I’m mistyped, but I’m not gonna prove my type to you. Take it or leave it. (It's not this article's point anyway).

If I’m wrong about my type, then so be it.

But I hope that this article will take the heat off of ESTJs, because whether I’m one or not – they don’t deserve the hate and bullying. (Nobody does).

So if you hate ESTJs so much that you’re just going to barrage me with hate comments, or if you’re not open to learning more about them, then feel free to skip this article (and this whole blog).

But if you *are* open, then proceed unto the forbidden scrolls of wisdom. 📜 *magical gate opening noises*

Why do people hate ESTJs so much?

If you’ve been into MBTI for any amount of time, you know that everyone hates ESTJs. Like… a lot.

(Fun fact: We’re the #1 most hated type in the community 🥳🙌)

And it’s not hard to see why.

Because, according to the infallable internet, we ESTJs are:

Tradition-oriented/ anti-progression

Bullies, jackasses, and know-it-alls who refuse to admit we’re wrong

anti-INFP (according to a YouTube video thumbnail lmao)

Control freaks and micromanagers

Extremely insecure and obsessed with social status

Unrealistic perfectionists whose lives revolve around work, recognition, and climbing up the ladder

Narcissists and insecure as hell

The enemy and ultimate roadblock to change

Stuck in our ways

Mean, cruel, heartless, hot-tempered

Smacking everyone on the head with a rulebook

Anti-individuality

Obsessed with getting recognition

Stepping on everyone’s toes to get their way no matter what

Stubborn for no reason

Always angry, pissed, and yelling at everyone for no reason

Desperate to be in charge, power-hungry assholes who shouldn’t be in charge

Terrible with people and hated by everyone who has to work with us

Bossy control freaks

The list goes on and on, and so does the endless hate.

*sighs and slides down wall*

If I had a penny for every time someone changed their mind about me as a person after doing a type reveal, I’d be set for the rest of my miserable life. *faint kazoo goes off in the background*

Then again, I can see why people would hate us with these extreme descriptions… even though it’s stupid.

ESTJs have a double whammy in MBTI: We’re both Te users, and SJs.

Let’s face it: Most people wanna be a Ti user, or at least that’s what I’ve seen.

Apparently, Ti means you have a brain and can think for yourself, while Te... is just bossy or domineering.

But, of course, ENTJs and INTJs don’t get any hate because they have Ni, which is supposedly future-oriented and not stuck in tradition. *cough cough, Si can be like this too*

SJs, who have high Si, are stereotyped as… well… traditional.

Si is described as *super* boring at best, and sounds like they don’t have anything interesting going on in their lives.

Apparently, if you’re an SJ, you’re alllll about upholding traditions and that’s it.

Not only do we not change the world, we keep change from happening.

We’re stabilizers, and incapable of having fun, or having deep conversations with people cuz we’re not intuitives.

That’s a giant pile of stereotype-infused crap, by the way. ^

Si is NOT about tradition.

If you wanna understand what Si *actually* is, then watch the following video, and/or read the blog I’m linking below.

Introverted Sensing with Your Chill ISFJ featured on Joyce Meng’s YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8V5NYzCPjh0&t=347s

Exploring Si from Practical Typing: https://practicaltyping.com/2022/10/20/exploring-introverted-sensing-si/

(I’ll link these at the bottom of this blog too, so feel free to check these out later).

So now begins the rant. Enjoy. *deeply inhales like Leorio*

TLDR: ESTJs can be nice, empathetic, open-minded people. We are NOT pissed off Karens who wanna dictate your life.

ANY type can be a control freak, angry, pissed off, controlling, etc.

If you’re typing someone as an ESTJ because of stereotypes and that list of ESTJ traits the internet came up with, you’re typing people wrong.

Stereotypes are fun for a while, but they get old quick – like your favorite food. Or memes.

Instead, if you wanna learn more about MBTI and typology, you need to learn the cognitive functions and learn the nuances.

(Spoiler alert: There are *lots* of them. This isn’t 16 personalities or dichotomies).

Stereotypes are great for starting out and building a foundation.

But you need to go further if you wanna understand type and people (or yourself, if you’re as self-absorbed as I am).

And honestly? It’s way more interesting that way. :P

If you wanna understand Extraverted Thinking in INTJs, ENTJs, ISTJs, and ESTJs, read these two articles.

My favorite article: https://practicaltyping.com/2021/12/06/6-te-stereotypes/

The Dual Nature of Te: https://practicaltyping.com/2020/12/07/the-dual-nature-of-te/

If you’re struggling to find your type, then these could help. Keep an open mind about it, since Te is HEAVILY misunderstood.

Either way, you’ll learn something new and you won’t regret it. :)

So while we’re here, let’s talk about some ESTJ stereotypes and bust them.

Feel free to grab some Ruffles while you’re at it, cuz this is gonna be a long one.

Why are ESTJs so mean?

We’re not. Or at least not on purpose.

Everyone has a different idea of what being nice and being mean are. But if we’re talking extremes, I’m gonna assume you’re imagining us screaming our heads off and making you cry at work.

In that case, that’s not an ESTJ. Anyone can be mean, including feelers. Anyone can lose their temper and lash out.

That’s something outside of type.

If you wanna figure out someone’s MBTI type, you need to find out *why* they’re doing what they’re doing. I cannot stress enough that MBTI is about the WHY and HOW, **NOT** the “what.”

Are they frustrated because they were thwarted and missed a deadline?

Were they having an off day? (Happens to everyone)

Are they healthy or unhealthy?

Are they secure or insecure? What are they insecure or worried about, WHY, and HOW are they dealing with it?

How do they see themselves? What’s their biggest problem and why?

Etc. Etc. Etc.

You need to ask yourself (and them, if you can) questions like those ^ if you wanna type someone so you can get a well-rounded view of them.

In other words: If you wanna get better at finding people’s MBTI type or your own, you need a well-rounded view of them.

And even then, you may not get it right even if you’ve spent a long time observing this person or talking to them. Frustrating, I know.

Typing people is hard because people are complicated and nuanced. I’ll probably write an article about typing people and all that jazz later on.

Anyway, this is turning into a ramble.

The point is: Being a jerk does NOT make someone an ESTJ. And being nice doesn’t mean they can’t be one.

Being a narcissistic, controlling, arrogant know-it-all doesn’t make anyone an xSTJ. Period.

2. Why are ESTJs hated?

Simple: Stereotypes. ESTJs are often described in the worst light humanly possible while other types get a pass or praise for doing the same things we do. *end credits start rolling*

All jokes aside, most people don’t understand what high Te and high Si look like in real life.

They just assume that Te doms are bossy workaholics who love making people cry, and that SJs are stuck in their ways and refuse to change. (This is incorrect).

Combine the two, and you get STJs: the types no one wants to be. (Spoiler alert: NTJs and STJs are FAR more similar than you think).

Sure, every stereotype may have some truth to it, but ESTJs get FAR more hate than any type I’ve seen.

Spend a day on type databases, discord groups, etc. and you’ll know exactly what I mean.

“ESTJs are bossy, mean, controlling, traditional, and stuck in the past. They have no lives or meaning outside of work as a manager, and they hate INFPs. They’re efficient, but that’s the only good thing about them.”

Every blog ever

*rolls eyes* ^ This is just… *sighs*

It’s genuinely ridiculous how much hate an ESTJ gets compared to their glorified intuitive counterpart.

One letter makes a world of a difference. (People do be simping for ENTJs 😩💦). And no, I'm not jealous.

Don’t get me wrong – There are plenty of solid blogs about us out there.

Unfortunately, most people don’t find them or read them, since first impressions mean *a lot.*

Like the list way up there said, ESTJs are described in the worst light possible.

We have way more cons than pros, and the pros we *do* have make us look like workaholics, or at the very best, as managers with no lives or hobbies outside of work. -_-

Don’t get me wrong – we can absolutely become workaholics. I, myself, find most of my fulfillment in work. (Yeah, I’m not helping my case, am I? 😐)

But guess what? ANYONE can become a workaholic. ANYONE can be mean. ANYONE can be a nightmare boss or co-worker to work with.

Instead of assuming that every mean person is an ESTJ, try to figure out WHY they’re that way… or if they even think they’re that way.

Thinkers tend to be direct… assuming they’re not struggling with trauma, low self-esteem, etc. (Which any type can, including ESTJs).

No, I'm not excusing asshole behavior. I'm trying to say that thinkers generally don't see their direct nature as a problem.

But chances are, if you were honest about how they were, they'll stop. Or at least the healthy ones will adapt.

I’d offer another list of scenarios, but that’ll turn into a ramble. And I think you get the idea. 🙃

Side tangent aside, believe it or not: We have lives outside of work, and not every single one of us are career-oriented people or workaholics. :wow:

Lazy ESTJs exist. But chances are, they’re probably mistyped as a different type, since Te doms aren’t described in a realistic light.

And even when they are, they’re pigeon-holed as workaholics. (Which is stereotypical thinking at best).

And even if we were: There’s nothing wrong with that. If you like work, regardless of your MBTI type, go work.

Don’t let anyone bully or pressure you into doing or not doing something.

3. Why are ESTJs so judgmental?

Because we’re human. *flips hair*

Everyone judges everything regardless of their type, whether you like it or not.

I guess the question here is: Why are we so loud and obnoxiously vocal about it? Well, we may not be.

Being vocal about something means you need to be confident in it. That confidence may be true confidence, or just arrogance to mask insecurity.

And believe it or not – ESTJs can go either way.

In other words, this is NOT a type thing! Everyone judges everything, since we all have two judging functions.

And even then, despite being Te doms, we may not choose to share or vocalize our opinions on things if we struggle with low self-esteem, self-doubt, or anxiety.

We can often shut down and choose a passive or cooperative way of doing things.

It just depends on our mood, how confident we're feeling, etc. Te can be used in a supportive way.

It’s almost like we’re humans, and not a stereotype that can only default to one reaction towards insecurity...

Finally, we’re “judgmental” because the internet just wants to paint us in a bad light whenever possible and lift INFPs up. And it pisses me off. (No, I don't hate INFPs).

When an INFP chooses to stand up for what they believe in, they’re praised and glorified as an underdog who’s trying to change the world.

But when an ESTJ does the same or similar thing, they’re shat on for being stubborn, arrogant, angry, and narrow-minded know-it-alls who can’t stand change.

Do you see the HYPOCRISY there?

And no – I don’t hate INFPs. In fact, I have INFP friends I like spending time with. (Yeah. Believe it or not, ESTJs and INFPs **can** get along. It’s about MATURITY, common interests, etc. NOT TYPE).

Why are ESTJs obsessed with social status, looking good, and protecting their reputation?

Because we’re human, and that’s what EVERYONE does to an extent.

I don’t care what your type is. Everyone cares about how they’re seen to some extent.

Sure, you got some apathetic people who have given up on life and decided to F it, but everyone has insecurities and everyone either cares or used to care.

Welcome to being human.

As for being obsessed with social status and image, this could happen for a variety of reasons, but the biggest one is that they're insecure. (Duh).

The important thing to consider here is WHAT they’re insecure about and WHY they’re insecure.

Sure, a Te dom can be obsessed with status and image, but guess what? So can FPs and Ti/Fe users.

However, I will acknowledge that this particular insecurity with how you’re seen and status tends to point to an imbalance between your introverted judging (Ji) and extraverted judging (Je) function.

In other words, you’re more likely to be an EJ or IP if you struggled with this your whole life.

Again, the key words here are “more likely.” Any type can be insecure and image-focused.

Nutshell: An insecure ESTJ can become obsessed with how other people see them, but insecurity and obsessing over how people see you is NOT an ESTJ thing. Any type can do this.

Are ESTJs narcissists?

No. They can be, but being a narcissist isn’t the same as being an ESTJ.

ANY type can be stubborn, gaslight, refuse to change their mind, and display narcissistic behaviors.

Any type can:

Be arrogant

Gaslight

think they’re always right

Manipulate people

beobsessed with their image

Be cruel, humiliate people, become abusive

Be a pain to be around/ toxic

Etc.

ANY. TYPE.

And no – narcissism is not more common in ESTJs. Every type has an equal shot of becoming this way.

If you’re using the ESTJ label, or any MBTI type to justify or explain your or someone else’s toxic behavior, then you need to look somewhere else because being a toxic and difficult person has NOTHING to do with your actual type.

HOW and WHY you do what you do can point to your type. Not the behavior itself.

So slapping a label onto someone who’s like that and calling them an ESTJ is lazy vibe typing at the very best.

So what should you do in that situation? I don’t know. (Yeah, real helpful, I know).

But calling them an ESTJ and shitting on them isn’t going to help you *or* them.

People get stressed out, lash out, and snap. It’s part of being human.

But if they’re a narcissist, and you want advice on how to deal with narcissists, you’ll have to look somewhere else.

Why are ESTJs so bossy?

It depends on how you define ‘bossy.’

Like I mentioned earlier, every neutral trait an ESTJ may have immediately gets put in the worst possible light, and it’s stupid. (Yeah, I’m a little worked up and frustrated at this).

Sure, narcissistic, know-it-all ESTJs exist, but guess what?

ANY TYPE can be narcissistic, arrogant, and a know-it-all who refuses to consider alternative options.

Here’s a possible answer though: Te users tend to sound FAR more set in stone than we actually are.

Therefore, we can *sound* bossy even though we don't mean to.

Chances are, we’re open to feedback and we WILL change our minds if you give us a good reason.

Tertiary Ne *does* make us more open to sudden changes than our IJ counterparts. 🙃

Hell, we’ll gladly put you in charge if we think you know what you’re doing.

(Which is honestly not that hard. I’ve changed my mind about a lot of things, and I like using my Te to SUPPORT people and systems, not necessarily lead).

Why are ESTJs so insensitive and disrespectful?

We’re not. Or at least we don’t mean to be.

Again, it depends on what you consider insensitive, disrespectful, mean, etc.

Cuz here’s the thing: Most ESTJs don’t see themselves that way because they think they’re just saying it as it is.

Unless they had a traumatic past, struggle with low self-esteem, or something that made them soften their Te (which is pretty common) – they’re probably just being direct.

But I can promise you this: A HEALTHY ESTJ WILL change when you give them feedback.

Unhealthy ones may get stuck up, but being stubborn, arrogant, or defiant against feedback are NOT signs you or the person you can’t stand is an ESTJ.

ESTJs have inferior Fi, which can make them incredibly empathetic if they’ve experienced what you did.

People don’t often realize it, but inferior Fi (assuming we haven’t suppressed it) influences us WAY more than most people realize. (And it’s not surprising, since we never talk about it lol).

An ESTJ with decently developed Fi, or someone who was raised to be empathetic, sympathetic, nice, etc. will NOT look like the description. (That’s a good thing, by the way).

I suspect that many conflict-avoidant or even people-pleasing ESTJs get mistyped as other types because of this, including me.

I mistyped as every type except ESTP and INFJ before finding my type because I couldn’t relate to the description at all.

But this article, along with other minor things, changed my mind on possibly being a high Te user: https://practicaltyping.com/2021/12/06/6-te-stereotypes/

Why do ESTJs think they know everything, make you feel stupid, and crap?

I’ll admit that Te can sound a lot more certain and set in stone than it actually is, so this has a little credit to it.

But, in a nutshell, condescending behavior is NOT a sign that someone is an ESTJ.

This know-it-all, condescending, narcissistic image that everyone has of us makes me roll my eyes and it gets tiring.

We’ll probably barrage you with questions if what you’re saying doesn’t match up with what we think or know is true.

But guess what? Every type can do this. It’s called thinking for yourself, which is a good thing.

I’ll admit we can sound arrogant to certain types, and it can feel like we’re insisting we’re right, but we’re just trying to see if you know what you’re talking about.

After all – Te *is* about competence and authority.

TLDR: Any type can do this. It’s not an ESTJ thing.

Why are ESTJs so angry, have a hot temper, and get mad so easily?

I can’t speak for every ESTJ, but I usually get this way when someone gets in my way. If I want something, I (usually) go get it.

So when someone or something thwarts me, it pisses me off.

And if you’re being honest with yourself, you could probably relate to that to *some* extent.

In other words: Having a short temper is NOT an ESTJ thing.

It depends on WHY you or the person you hate has a short temper.

But honestly?

When I am thwarted, my pissed off-ness comes off as frustration most of the time, not necessarily fire-breathing rage. (And even if it did, there ain’t nothin’ wrong with that :P)

Why do ESTJs never change their mind?

Another wonderful stereotype. *rolls eyes*

We can get stubborn about getting something done a certain way because people don’t do it up to a standard. This is generally a GOOD thing.

Standards exist for a reason. Standards create consistency, AND THIS IS A GOOD THING.

Especially in fields where safety is critical, like construction, engineering, or any field that involves maintaining consistency.

We can also get stubborn about our opinions and think we’re right… but so can any type.

I find it funny how ESTJs get shat on for not changing our minds while other types (like INFPs) get praised for having a backbone.

The hypocrisy is stupid at best and makes me wanna roll my eyes at people who think of ESTJs as the devil and INFPs as these wonderful angelic creatures who we torment for fun at work.

On a serious note, healthy ESTJs are open to possibilities and change because of tertiary Ne.

We got a playful contemplative side that can make us mistype as NFPs or any other type.

If you don’t see that side in us, it’s probably because we’re not in the mood, you don’t know us well enough, or cuz we don’t like you.

And ESTJs will absolutely change their mind if they find your reasoning is better, or your process is more efficient.

Funny how people say we’re stubborn and refuse to change our minds while accusing us of being mindless sheep who follow the crowd… *insert gigantic eye roll and facepalm*

Bonus question: Why do people hate ESTJs so much?

Because it’s the internet, and the internet loves pity parties and shitting on a type together.

Stereotyping ESTJs into these angry, narcissistic, arrogant know-it-alls is much easier (and meme-able) than understanding Te, Si, and all that jazz.

And if I’m being honest, I used to care. And if I’m being *really* honest, I still do care.

That’s why I’m writing this stupid article so I can hope that at least *one* person can change their minds about us, or at least consider it.

Anyway, that’ll be all for this article. I know it was super repetitive, but I wanted to be thorough and make a point.

(Point is: Stop bullying ESTJs).

Now, if you have any questions or comments, comment down below or shoot me a dm here on Tumblr!

I’m mostly running this blog for fun to throw my thoughts out, so I won't be super active. I'll throw out more articles and blogs in the future if I'm feelin' it :P

Referenced Articles You Should Check Out:

If you wanna learn more about Extraverted Thinking, read this: https://practicaltyping.com/2021/12/06/6-te-stereotypes/

Why Te users can be nice in the right context: https://practicaltyping.com/2020/12/07/the-dual-nature-of-te/

Video featuring Your Chill ISFJ onJoyce Meng’s channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8V5NYzCPjh0&t=347s

Si from Practical Typing: https://practicaltyping.com/2022/10/20/exploring-introverted-sensing-si/

#estj personality #mbti estj #why are estjs so mean #mbti #cognitive functions #estjs #estj #your everyday estj

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durotoswrites · 2 years

Text

AO3 Stats Quiz

Thank you for tagging me, @emeraldhaze15! 🥰 I forgot there’s a statistics page on Ao3, so it’s been a long time since I’ve looked at it.

➼ What is your total posted word count on AO3?

699,121. That reminds me that I need to move more of my works from fanfiction.net onto Ao3.

➼ How often do you write?

I typically write at least once every few days, with varying degrees of success. Writing’s been coming slowly lately, but using a sprint bot has helped me stop overthinking what I put down. Sometimes I just need that extra little push.

➼ Do you have a routine for writing?

I like to have something to drink at my side, along with some chill music playing in the background. I will change the music to suit the mood if I’m writing something more dramatic, but relaxing typically works best for me. Lately, I’ve been using sprint bots and write in a few fifteen minute bursts. When I’m editing or thinking of new ideas, I don’t have a timer going.

➼ What are your favourite tropes/pairings?

Oooh, I have a lot that I enjoy, honestly. This list is just a taste of the things I like, hehe.

Tropes: Hurt/Comfort, slow burn, friends to lovers, strangers to lovers, found family, angst with a happy ending, fluff, fluff with substance

Pairings: I don’t think it’s any secret that I love Cliff x Claire as my OTP. Outside of that, I have lately been really enjoying mixing the pairings all around. I like canon pairings, rare pairs, and I adore unexpected pairings that are written very convincingly! As long as they can have some fun chemistry, I have fun dabbling and playing around with the possibilities.

➼ Do you have a favourite fic of yours?

The Shy Newcomer has so much of myself, my heart, my life, and my experiences intertwined into it that I’d feel wrong picking anything else. It is truly a labor of love.

➼ Your fic with the most kudos?

The Shy Newcomer. I’m not really surprised, since it’s the one I have had around for so long. I’m so grateful that people enjoy it 💖

I’m a little surprised that the story with the second most is the first lemon I wrote with my OTP. 😳 I look back on it and feel like some of the language was a little clunky, but thank you all for being so nice about it!

➼ Anything you don’t like about your writing?

Ack, this is a dangerous question, as I tend to spiral when I don’t feel confident. That’s got to count as one thing I don’t like about my creative process. For the writing itself, I do wish that I could stop overthinking while drafting and being paranoid people will dislike what I write. It’s not perfect, but whose writing is? I have a few phrases I lean on too heavily and am constantly having to find them and weed them out. I’m sure there are other phrases I’m aware I use a lot, hehe.

I often struggle connecting scenes. That’s honestly what takes the longest to write – how to get from one scene to the next. I can also be a little redundant while writing as well to really drive a point home. I often fear that the words I use are too common and boring and I wish my style were a little more poetic.

➼ Now something you do like?

Another tough question. 😅 I really love writing mental dialogue, and when I receive comments that readers can relate to my characters, it makes my heart soar. I feel that characterization in my strong suit, and I really strive to make my characters feel like real people. I love capturing the excitement, joy, pain, disappointment, and everyday moments in life and putting all those feelings into my story.

Tags: @quartzfox @hikamaus, @krosaceae, @sketch-witch, @chickchickee, @forgetmenotboys, and anyone else who would like to play! (My brain hasn’t woken up yet today and I’m sure I left a bunch of people out ^-^;)

#writing games #tag games #writing

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yuusaris · 1 year

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historical or scifi aus? would you rather read a well written fic of a notp or an otp fic with a dynamic you hate for them? have you ever written a fic in one go? which fandom mischaracterization do you dislike more: dumb cutesy pushover ryou or irredeemable villain tkb? and same question for you because its a great one - have you ever gotten into a thing through fic writing?

...This first one is hard because both genres have a very easy-to-catch habit of giving exposition for everything, and that alone drives me up a fucking wall. And, unfortunately, Sci-Fi tends to attract this more than historical AU's, if only because you really need to understand the world to be on board with the story at all. Whereas you can kind of take the punches from a historical as they come, and a little easier. [That said, Origin of Symmetry (tendershipping) is still fucking phenomenal, and I recommend it, wow the world building is FANTASTIC.] Regardless, I do think I prefer sci-fi to historical, if only because I'd rather hear about new plot gimmicks with my high-society melodrama than my high-society melodrama with very boring homophobia and no electricity.

I have already, multiple times, refused to read and/or stepped out of fics with my NOTP in the background or mentioned in a one-off line. I have done this the same amount of times, if not more, that I have willingly clicked on and read poorly-dynamic'd fics with my OTP. I will continue to do this unless obliged by beta duties or Frenzyprompt. My resolution for the new year is to, in fact, read a fic where I can be okay with them existing like that.

I have - a few in fact! Pyrrhic (Zorc Wins tendershipping) took me, like, maybe half an hour. I really like writing for Zorc, I haven't gotten to do so much outside of my own headspace, so i jumped on this. Wing It (rhack), Imperfect Investigation (Cornered!fic) and Like Operation, But Not (tameshipping) each took me an hour to a few hours, apiece. Wing it and Operation are pretty short, so that makes sense and errs more on an hour or two, but Imperfect Investigation took about three or four? I finished it at... 2? in the morning? I think I got the prompt at, like, eleven or twelve. it took a bit and I went off on it.

Both of these really depend on execution and tone/intent of the fic. If DumbCutePushover Ryou is expected to be a Yami Bakura antidote, then I don't want it. If TKB being irredeemable comes with none of his nuance? I don't want it. But, gun to my head, I think I dislike DCP Ryou more just because I've been reading/writing ygo fic since the early-to-mid 2000's and a lot of tender fics back then did not have the kind of balance the young'n's are getting fed today.

Have I ever gotten into a- DOLLY FIC (tendershipping, SFW) HAS RUINED M -- it was SUPPOSED to be a fun little foray into a KINK I DIDN'T HAVE. It was supposed to be some FUN, INTERESTING SMUT (nsfw). Something DIFFERENT, to stimulate my BRAIN and NO OTHER PARTS OF ME. YET.... HERE I AM..... And, a little more roundabout but - the process of writing and drafting Demon!Fic got me into Urusei Yatsura - it has a lot of allusions to Japanese culture and folklore, something I've been needing to research for that fic, and has really charming charcter humor that I feel inspired by. And it's the first work published by Rumiko Takahashi - Gods perfect pervert - someone I greatly respect and a writer who was a big part of my childhood, regardless of whether or not she should have been. I would go so far as to say I look up to her. So, it's refreshing to be into her stuff again. And, needs be remarked - writing A Different Form, A Different Time really got me into casteshipping for SURE. I was on the fence, I was leaning into it, but that was the hook and line and sinker. They just far too interesting with each other to not want to see a passion play between them, no matter how it happens.

#thank u for the asks #wow these got my gears turning #these made me happy to answer #yaaayy #me flavored soup #my writing

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rooklinensinker · 1 year

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My Work Space

One of my friends helped me finally work today so I thought I could show my working space. I'm really proud of how it turned out and since I'm moving out when my semester ends, I thought it helpful to keep a memory of it somewhere.

I know my pictures aren't the most aesthetically pleasing to look at, but I just wanted to keep a record as best as I could.

This is all I make a point of having in my workstation:

My computer and it's accessories. I got one of those mechanical ones that make sounds every time I'm working (bonus points for the colour model being called "chocolate"). Gives me an incentive to type more. I also got a mouse because my laptop's doesn't work very well. And whenever I draw, I can use my drawing tablet instead. Also a microphone because my laptop is absolutely shitting itself going through multiple organ failures and I'm surprised a senior like it still works well. I love my baby 🥰

My Laptop Stand™ by me because I made it out of a cardboard box and decorated it to look pretty. I may have a problem with aesthetics... But! It was essentially free and it does the job well. I also keep notepads, my pencil case, and fidget toys under there.

Pens in a handy spot. Selected to go with the colour scheme because, again, I have a problem. They're all in an old candle cup I filled with fake leaves because recycling is good and I may be a hoarder too but don't quote me on that. I try to keep a variety although I've been mostly using the same orange and gold glitter pens.

Water and drinks in general. I might show a full room tour later but one of the things that made my life 100x easier was having a hot chocolate/ oatmeal station in my room. For those days where it's hard to eat but I still need to take my meds. I just have a nice small portable kettle, some cups, a bowl and spoons that I sometimes have to force myself to wash downstairs because for some reason my brain thinks walking out my bedroom door is not a valid option. Also I like drinking hot chocolate while I work so that's a plus.

Google Speaker. It wakes me up and a̶n̶n̶o̶y̶s̶ ̶m̶e̶ helps me stay on track. I usually just play music in the background and put a video essay playing alongside it so I can feel less bored. I taught it to help me with routines, pomodoro timers, and getting ready to go out and time tracking when I dissociate. Some times are more effective than others but I like to hear the Family Bell jingles. And whenever I get random thoughts, instead of browsing on my phone and getting lost in the scrolling hell, I ask and it sometimes gives me my answer.

Candles. I need candles. It's one of those things that make me feel cozy no matter the weather. And I may have too many I collect so I better use them. My favourite smells are pumpkin spice and apple and very autumnal sweet ones because they remind me of the holiday season. I also tried cake scented but those just make me hungry and craving food I don't have. I have wax melts but restrict myself to only one candle so I make sure to economise their use. Also they make great lights!

Last but not least: Lights! I used to work during the night when quarantine struck and I found my optimal work times were from 4am to 9am. Which meant, coloured lights helped my brain suddenly decide to focus. Too bad I have to stick to a functional routine now. I still try to wake up at least at 6am but it's not the same. Though the sunrise is good enough to watch.

Other things that I add for fun are decorations like vines and leaves. Also practically stuff like a coaster for the hot drinks and a kitchen rag that I use to both elevate my keyboard but also to cover it so it doesn't get any mess when I eat.

Other than that I'm not sure what else. Hopefully future me gets to decorate their own place with knick-knacks and pretty shiny things too. And if you're reading this from that future, know that I'm proud we got this far. We can do it!✨

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cerebrobullet · 1 year

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Sharpe's Eagle Daily Book Report:

[my gf is coming to see me!!!!! and my brain is fried rn from excitement so i dont know how Daily my book reports may be for a bit]

as 😬 as cornwell can be as writing women/about women, i appreciate that he never writes sharpe as like macho and possessive? like josephina he knows isnt gonna stay with him, but he's not like pissy about it? which happens often with his ladies, them not staying. and idk if that's typical of the genre because i have read zero other books like these ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯. but i like it. like... relationship drama of that type bores me to death. and honestly i have no interest in any girls-of-the-week outside teresa (tho grace was Neat and gets a pass)(sorry lucille i dont know you well enough yet but maybe) but at least there's no endless "will they stay together??!??!?" bullshit when we know they won't lol.

aaaaw lenox helping sharpe out by saying the stocks were lost in battle ;u; rip cool guy.

god hearing "daddy hill" is going to make me uncomfortable every single time. like i get it but also no, you know?

i still love lawford and sharpe's friendship, probably more so in book canon since we, like, actually get to see it. and in the show i had almost no idea who lawford was until my rewatch where i started recognizing him in the background. but he's just so damn genuine and clearly likes and favors sharpe. and throwing in india canon later, where baby lawford actively looks at baby sharpe all 😳, it's a great dynamic.

(semi related to all of this but i'm currently looking at WWI docs at work while listening to sharpe, so every time i come across something talking about the french my first instinct is to think "ah, the enemy!" and then i'm like "wait, no, that was 100 years earlier”)

anyway i also love protective, supportive hogan trying to help sharpe all the time. i 100% believe in there being a trifecta of officers who all think sharpe is Very Special and i bet they get together to talk about him :3c

i appreciate that the show changed what happened to josephina a bit, i think i prefer the show version. because every time i have to hear "his woman" i def go 🤢 lol (also reading about cornwell saying he made different women characters to be "presents" for a male character like.... buddy, no. try that one again). also sharpe gets hurt in the show which is always superior. also i love the officer trifecta pushed the pieces around to specifically give sharpe a chance to kill barry (berry? idk, audio only baby) and that's also great fun. i just find his death in the show more emotionally satisfying. i suppose he does more to be antagonistic overall in the show, too, so it just plays out in a more complete way. like he's barely mentioned in the book and gibbons does most of the bitchyness there, tho idk of book gibbons gets stabby-stabbied by sharpe yet.

well there we go! many thoughts for a short listen because i am v tired today and kept drifting off at work oops

#sharpesession

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distant-screaming · 1 year

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If you watched sotus after bad buddy then yeah, it makes perfect sense you hated it. Personally, I give myself the heebie jeebies whenever I remember I actually enjoyed sotus and 2moons back in the day (oh, the terror 🙀)

Since we're on the subject of Thai bl shows (the good, the bad, the ehhh let's forget it ever happened) :

🪤 What usually draws you in the most successfully? Do you decide to watch a show because of visuals/cinematography, plot, acting, or something else entirely?

🪃 Are you the type to drop a series when it gets too cringe or boring, or do you suffer through it till the end?

🛸 Is there any scene from any show that you'd like to wipe from your memory because of second-hand embarrassment?

SAdipjse that's understandable, anon. Actually, fun fact - I'm currently watching 2moons! I need a trashy (is that too mean??) show to watch rn because I have a ton of work to do, so it's working perfectly as background noise. Currently on episode 2, so far nothing's happened so. I guess we'll see!

(cut for length :D)

🪤 - the first thing that draws me in is plot, for sure! If the plot is good, there's a high chance I'll want to watch it at some point. Also, character writing! This one isn't something instantly identifiable but before watching a show I'll typically do a quick search for a general public consensus, and if the characters are poorly written it's an instant no go. I can't play with them like dolls if they're not well written! Other than that, acting is a pretty low factor for me in deciding what to watch because I'm like, really bad at picking out what's 'good' acting and 'bad' acting?? I dunno, I never really find any acting bad per se. Visuals are also pretty low priority because again, I tend to think any and all visuals are really well done adoipfjesadf. I'm not a very refined palette person, you can tell.

I guess the tl;dr is the plot of any media is the most important thing in my opinion, closely followed by characters!

🪃 - most of the time I watch to the end but I'll skip most of the scenes, so I get a feeling of completion and the general gist of the plot but also. I don't have to watch the actual show. That's actually what I ended up doing with SOTUS and I fear I will do with 2moons soeijwespdgj

🛸 - OH MAN SO MANY. I've mentioned before I'm SUPER prone to second hand embarrassment so pretty much any mildly embarrassing moment I'll skip over (re The Eclipse, I still can't watch the scene in the locker room right before the accidental kiss - it's just. sdipfjsd.). If I had to pick one scene to completely wipe from my memory, though, I think currently that honor would go to Bad Buddy - specifically the main thread of episode 2 with the mistaken identity thing on the rooftop. I actually have not watched that whole scene because I literally cannot, but what little I did watch while skipping was...I'm sure it was cute and plot-important, just me personally I could not watch it.

Apologies if this is incoherent, all my brain juice is being used up for studying today aepitfjes. But thank you for the questions anon, I feel refreshed <3333

#distant screaming screams into the void #anon beloved #I feel like you should answer the questions as well adlifjefio your opinions are always fun to hear anon!#2moons #<- for tracking purposes. I really should tag things more

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missmorosis · 3 years

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sick manager :)

-> feat. bokuto, oikawa, and tsukishima

part 2 with sugawara and kuroo here!

personally i loved writing these, so lmk if you want a part 2 with other characters 👀

TW: PASSING OUT :))

To sum up how you felt in one word, you were exhausted. You were physically overworked; pushed to your limit with tons of schoolwork, stress, extracurriculars, and on top of that, you were your school's volleyball team manager. You were merely a first year, but you did your job well, and the entire team loved you.

You had tried to power through the classes, running with just two hours of sleep. Work was starting to pile up, so you had no time for sleep.

You felt yourself falling asleep during lectures, curling up on the grass for quick naps during lunch, and throughout the day, you had the worst headache.

With luck, you managed to make it through, but you still had hours of volleyball ahead of you. You blinked hard, trying to get rid of the sleepiness clouding your head. Your head pounded, and nothing was really registering in your brain.

There was no denying it, you were sick.

It was bound to happen sooner or later, but it was still annoying. You didn't want to miss the day's volleyball practice, because you had an upcoming game, so you decided to just push through and deal with it.

Ignoring how bad your head hurt, you slung your bag over your shoulder and walked out of the classroom.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Bokuto, someone you recognized as the captain of the team you were the manager for, spotted you from a distance and was already bouncing, beaming as he waved. You smiled back with a small wave. He didn't mind that you didn't match his enthusiasm; he was used to it, so he didn’t find anything suspicious about it.

The two of you walked down to the gym, Bokuto talking animatedly the whole way there in the background. You didn't mind though, it was nice to just listen. However, every word he chirped bore into your brain, seeming to echo.

You didn’t want to be rude, but you couldn’t help but try to drown out his voice by focusing on your surroundings.

A green bush. A tall tree. A group of students.

“Y/N?” Bokuto waved his hand in front of your face, and you looked up at the mention of your name.

“Hm? Sorry, sorry, I’m just... oh, we’re here!” you said, quickly changing the subject. You didn’t want him to worry, and it was no big deal anyways... You could finally see the gym, and you let out a sigh of relief. It felt like the short walk was actually several miles long.

You finally made it-

Shoot.

A sudden dizzy spell overtook you. Shutting your eyes tight, you stumbled on your own feet, your legs giving out beneath you. No, no, no....

"Y/N!" Bokuto yelped as he caught you. He pulled you close to him, and whimpering, you leaned on his chest, trying to stay conscious.

“Sorry...” you breathed softly, just trying to focus on the way Bokuto’s chest went up, and down.

Up... and down. You shut your eyes tighter as a wave of your headache hit. Bokuto’s arms around you were definitely helping you stay standing, and you were thankful. Up... and down.

Then you slumped into his arms.

...

The second your eyes opened again, you were knocked back with a hug. You grunted at the unexpected impact, but smiled when you realized it was Bokuto.

"Y/N! You're awake!" Bokuto yelled, his voice watery with relief. "I thought you died," he sobbed, and you hugged him tight.

"I'm fine, I promise," you said with a laugh. "Just... thirsty." Bokuto leaped to get you a glass of water as fast as he could.

While he was gone, you looked around to see that you were in the nurse's office. You could just imagine Bokuto running with you unconscious in his arms, and you smiled at the thought.

Bokuto came back with the promised water, and he lay a hand on you to check up on your temperature.

"You're really burning up... why didn't you tell me you were sick?" he asked, pouting.

"I didn't want you to worry... I thought I would be fine, and that I would make it through practice." He shook his head.

"I want to know, okay?" You nodded with a smile.

"How long was I unconscious?" He thought for a second before responding.

"Only for a couple seconds, but you were kinda drowsy so we made you rest. It's been a couple hours now." You immediately got up.

"Practice isn't over yet?" you asked, still hopeful. Maybe you could at least stay for an hour? It was better than noth-

"Y/N..." he sad warningly, and you knew going wasn't an option.

"Fine..."

"Good," he responded, satisfied with your answer.

Walking out of the classroom, you met eyes with Oikawa Tooru, who immediately lit up at the sight of you. His smile immediately turned into a frown, immediately noticing something was different about you, given how perceptive he was.

"What's wrong?" he questioned slowly, and you shook your head.

"Nothing's wrong, Tooru... I'm just tired," you said, but he looked at you suspiciously.

“You should take a break,” he reminded you gently, and you shook your head, no matter how tempted you were.

“I really can’t, I’ve got… a lot to do. But I’m fine, I swear,” you assured him, gesturing towards the gym, despite the sick feeling in your body. You swallowed, trying to swallow the dizziness. “Let’s go!” You tried for a smile, and Oikawa responded with a hesitant one, finally deciding to let it go.

Starting to walk towards the gym with the volleyball player following close behind, you shook your head, trying to shake out the growing light-headed feeling that you dreaded. It wouldn’t go away.

Shutting your eyes as tight as you could, you didn’t even notice that you stopped walking until someone tapped your shoulder.

“Hm?” You peeked your eyes open slightly to notice Oikawa standing next to you.

“Y/N-chan?” His face was written all over with concern.

“Sorry, I just…” You laughed sheepishly, trying to shrug it off, but the pain was beginning to be way too much. “I.. just…” you tried to say, but you were unable to finish as you swayed to one side, tripping over your own feet trying to stay standing. You heard Oikawa's yelp as he rushed to catch you, and you blinked slowly before passing out completely.

...

As soon as you woke up, you found yourself in your own bedroom. When you got up, wondering how you got there, you were met with Oikawa's frown.

"When was the last time you had at least seven hours of sleep?" he asked, disapproval in his eyes as he pushed you back into bed. You gave a shy smile.

"Maybe... two weeks ago?" Oikawa gasped dramatically before tutting in distaste.

"You need to sleep, or else your health will plummet," he said, shaking his head. Of course, at that moment, your headache had to come back. You winced and shut your eyes, burying your face into your hands. "What's wrong?" You shook your head with a sigh.

"My head's killing me," you admitted. "It's been like this all day."

"Wha- Y/N," he scolded, leaving the room. Where was he going? Ah. He came back with some medicine and a thermometer.

"Thanks." You swallowed the medicine, and Oikawa immediately forced the thermometer into your mouth.

"103.2?! Y/N, you'll be here for a good three days. I'm not ever letting you leave your bed until you get better, and I won't leave either." You laughed at his motherly antics.

"But what about pract-" you started, but Oikawa shushed you.

"Think of it as a much needed break." You stared at him.

"Did you at least go today?"

"No, of course not! You were freaking unconscious, I can't go and hit some good serves if I know that my precious Y/N could possibly be in pain," he said with a pout.

"Aw, Tooru..." You kissed his cheek. "You're too swee-" He pushed you back into your pillows, pulling the covers up before you could finish.

"Now rest up, Y/N-chan."

You glanced at your phone; you still had an hour until volleyball practice...

A little nap wouldn't hurt, right?

You found a nice, private corner, and huddled up. Using your backpack as a pillow, you fell asleep almost instantly.

Some time later, Tsukishima was walking by, on his way to practice. His eyes spotted you asleep in the corner, and he smirked.

"Idiot," he muttered under his breath, laughing to himself softly. "Hey, get up, Y/N." He flicked his finger on your forehead, and laughed when you began to stir awake.

"Mm?" Your voice was raspy from both sickness and sleepiness, and you blinked your eyes, trying to adjust. You shielded your face from the light with your hand, and you finally made out Tsukki's tall figure kneeling in front of you. "Oh, hi Tsukki..." He held out his hand with a smug smile, offering to help you up.

You groaned when you realized that the nap didn't make your headache go away. Getting up too fast, you swayed for a good two seconds; Tsukki's hands were on your shoulders, trying to steady you.

"Ten bucks you don't make it through practice without passing out," he joked, but you had a feeling he was going to be ten dollars richer soon enough. You nodded sleepily, but quickly froze.

"Wait- am I late for practice?" You frantically dug your phone out, sighing in relief when you learned that you still had ten minutes to spare.

"What, you think I would be late?" Tsukishima said, jokingly. "But anyways, I'm not letting you go to practice today. Clearly you need rest... and..." His hand rested on your forehead, and he nodded. "Like I thought, you have a fever." You swatted his hand away.

"Today's practice is important, I can't miss it. I'll be fine, Tsukki, since when do you worry about me?" You turned around, heading towards the gym, when your head hurt just a bit too much. You winced, and faster than your brain could process what was happening, you were already falling to the ground and everything went dark.

...

"Oh, you're awake." You opened your eyes and saw Tsukishima waiting for you. You were in the nurse's office from the looks of it, and Tsukishima got up with some water and medicine.

"Here, take this." You nodded and followed his command.

"Thanks," you said, rubbing your head.

"Hm. You know how you asked when I started to worry about you?" he asked, sticking a thermometer into your mouth.

"Hm? Oh... yeah." You recalled how you had said something like that right before you passed out. You took the thermometer out and glanced at the temperature.

103.2. You hid the thermometer behind your back, knowing Tsukki would not be happy with your temperature.

"The answer was always; I always care about you, even if I don't seem like it."

"Wow, Tsukki..." It surprised you; you never thought you would hear anything nice coming out of Tsukishima's mouth.

"Also, you act like a five year old sometimes, people can't help but worry about you," he added. You rolled your eyes, but you couldn't help but smile. "Now hand over the thermometer. I didn't forget." Sighing, you reluctantly gave it to him.

"Welp, will you at least cuddle with me until I get better?" you asked with pleading eyes.

"Come on, Y/N. You're contagious..." You pouted, and he sighed. "Fine."

BUT ANYWAYS I HOPE YOU ENJOYEDDDD!! THANKS FOR READING BABE

this is 100% not edited or proofread IM SORRY- IT MAY NOT EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE HAHSJFJRI

ANY THOUGHTS?? IM DYING TO KNOW OMG

send an ask to be added to my haikyuu taglist 👀

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oaklies-side · 2 years

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I’m bored and procrastinating on an animation, so instead of actually doing it, I decided to rant about animation! Here are tons of my tips and tricks for animating. Feel free to use any of them to improve your own works fellow animators! This post will be divided into four sections; Motivation and burnout, Art/drawing tips, Transitions, and Programs. Please keep in mind I am in no way an expert or claiming to be one, however I do art for a living, and I’ve been animating for nearly six years now, so I feel like I probably know a thing or two. Motivation and Burnout: -Take constant breaks however often you need. This can be every 30 minutes, every time you finish a scene, hell, even every time you finish a frame. Stretch, watch a short YouTube video, get something to eat, ex. I personally don’t have a break schedule, just whenever I’m bored, tired, or have finished an amount I feel satisfied with for the day. Find what works best for you! -Listen to something as background noise. This can be songs you really like, a podcast, a musical soundtrack, youtube videos, streams, audio books, or whatever else your heart desires. You can listen to white noise or rain sounds or something like that, but I personally prefer something that engages my brain. (You can also use this to encourage breaks. If you’re at a bit of a podcast that you just can’t focus on whilst drawing, take a five minute break to focus on it alone! Your favorite song to bop out to comes on? Stand up and dance around in your workspace, sing along, just have fun! -Have a food or drink next to you! I always like having something to munch or slurp on when drawing or animating. Make sure these snacks are smaller though, I’d recommend dedicating actual meal time to break time. -This is a bad habit of mine and I’m sure many other artists, but if you’re demotivated, don’t try and trudge through unless there’s some form of deadline. If you’re simply animating for YouTube or something, just take a break! There’s no shame in doing so, and you’ll find that you actually work much faster when you are motivated, so the break helps with efficiency rather than hinders it. -Set goals for yourself! Make them reasonable and not too out of reach. Say something like, “I’d like to draw 20 frames today.”, “I’d like to finish this storyboard by the end of the week.”, “I’d like to finish this scene today.”, “I’d like the animation to be done within a month and a half.” Make some bigger ones as well as smaller ones to give yourself short bursts of motivation, but also to keep that motivation going in the long run. Art/Drawing Tips: -Choose a simple style. This one kind of goes with motivation, but choosing a super complex art style often leads to the product just never being finished, especially if you’re a beginner. -Practice drawing. Bring a sketchbook with you everywhere and just draw. The better you get at drawing, the better you get at animation -Study other artists work. You can even trace! (Don’t post/claim it as your own EVER), but tracing for personal study is absolutely fine. It helps you figure out the shapes the artist used to make their character look how it does. -Never be ashamed to use references, they help a ton. -Color matters and can make an animation really pop. Choose a simple palate, what I normally do is assign one color per character, have a color for background objects, and maybe some others if I really want a certain scene or object to stand out against the rest. -Shape language is a really cool tool. Learn it. -Don’t worry about developing a style. Just draw. The style will come along the way. Transitions: -(First off, please note that in this section, I say the word ‘character’ a lot. However, these methods apply on objects too! Just wanted to clear that up, you can use them on more than just people.) -Yes, frame by frame looks pretty, and you can use it in that sick action sequence, but also, try making things easier for yourself when you can. The following points will be describing some of my favorite easy transitions. -Bounce back effects, the one I use the most. Basically, think of a ball bouncing. This ball will smoosh down against the ground, then spring back up, looking elongated as it does so. Or think of a car jerking forwards, before coming back a bit and to a complete stop. These are both bounce back effects. If your character is just changing poses, I’d recommend doing the ball method. smoosh your drawing down, then spring it back up. If your character is moving across the screen, move them just a bit further than their final destination, then bring them back. This makes animation look smoother and saves a ton of time. -Smear or smudge frames! These are usually used when a character or object is going really fast. Smear the drawing and add a bit of motion blur in the direction a character is going. -Partial movement frames! Not sure what the technical definition of this is, but this is when a character isn’t fully moving, just a small bit of them is, say they’re waving, or their hair is blowing in the breeze. Copy paste the rest without this bit, and only worry about redrawing that part! -Tweening, okay.. I know what you’re going to say, because the animation community these days is so against tweening. I’ll admit, it doesn’t look the greatest when using excessively, but in small amounts? It can look good. Don’t overuse it, but don’t completely avoid it either. (Tweening is when different body parts are drawn on different layers so that movement can be done without redrawing. However, this only really works for simple movements, so use it sparingly.) -Even when you are drawing frame by frame, these methods can be important. More so smear and smudge and bounce back, but tweening in some cases as well. You can incorporate these tricks into your frame by frame animation to make it look better as well. They aren’t just used to trick the minds eye into thinking there are in-betweens when there’s not. Programs: -Study your program. This’ll make things go much faster and allow for shortcuts. Animation is all about shortcuts. -Start out with something cheap or free. You don’t want to spend hundreds of dollars on a drawing tablet and expensive programs when you first start. Draw on your ipad or phone if you have one, use flipaclip, imovie, ibis paint, kinemaster, or other free programs. Animation takes a ton of time and if you find in a month that you hate it and want to quit, you don’t want to have waisted hundreds or thousands of dollars. -That being said, the creative cloud is pretty sweet. If you’re invested and have the money, I’d recommend it. -Procreate is also amazing. I love it and actually use it to this day, even with having the creative cloud. You can’t do any complex editing but you can make some neat stuff on there. -Decide what kind of animation you want to do. Do you want it more frame by frame? Get a program like procreate, flipaclip, or adobe animate. More drawn and edited? Try using a drawing and editing program combo. One of my friends uses ibispaint and imovie on her phone. I used to use ibispaint and kinemaster. I now use photoshop and premiere pro. -Watch tons of YouTube tutorials. Google stuff. Chances are, you may find an easier way to do that thing that’s taken you five hours in the past. And that’s it! Thank you for reading all the way through, I hope these helped! Feel free to ask questions, I’ll try to answer any I may get. Cya! Happy animating

#animation #animation tips #art tips #animator #animatic tips #art rants #art rambles #drawing tips #animating tips #oaklie.rants

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letarasstuff · 3 years

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Showing the Bird

(A/N): This was requested by an anon, I hope you have fun reading it!

Summary: Spencer's daughter always is quick to pick things up she shoudn't do, this includes a certain gesture with her hand and middle fínger.

Warnings: A kid showing her middle finger

Wordcount: 1.6k

✨Masterlist✨ _____________________________

Spencer is a technophobe. That’s why (Y/N) has limited access to any kind of electronics, which is a good thing for a three year old. The only sort she is allowed to use is the TV in the living room and even there her choices are limited to the several DVDs the little family owns and cable TV. Emily is in the process of persuading him to get a subscription to a streaming service for (Y/N)’s sake.

“Ok, Sweetheart. One hour of TV today before eating dinner and getting ready for bed, like we negotiated”, Spencer reminds his daughter before turning it on a kid’s channel. She nods, already engrossed by Peppa Pig hanging up on that sheep for being able to whistle.

Earlier the two Reids made a deal: If (Y/N) got all the states and their capitals right, she is allowed one hour of television. This may sound like he forced her to learn this information, but it’s really just a way to stimulate her brain and the toddler is eager to learn. Spencer only has to make it look like she has a gain in it.

The young doctor doesn’t like to leave his kid alone while watching TV. It’s not because he can’t leave her on her own for a few minutes. Spencer wants full control over what (Y/N) sees and what not. Especially he can tell what effects something has on a child and he doesn’t want her exposed to things she shouldn’t be subjected to at her age.

“Daddy, why are the animals talking to each other? I know they are translating all languages to us, but a pig speaks not sheep language.” Spencer is slightly baffled at her question. It’s mostly cute that she explains most things to herself in such a plausible way.

“Uhm, well Sweetheart. You have to-” Saved by the bell. Or more like the ring of his cellphone. Still he hesitates to get it. It’s Morgan, who probably calls because the team needs help with the case.

Spencer had to stay behind for this one, because he planned on taking his vacation days with (Y/N) to fly up to Las Vegas to visit her grandma. But Diana spontaneously took the opportunity to go on a trip with the sanctorium. Now the two do all the things they don’t have the time for in their regular day.

They already were at the aquarium, visited three different museums and even went to the movies once to watch the latest disney movie. Spencer really had to keep himself from pointing out the inaccuracies to not spoil (Y/N)’s fun.

Now the father debates taking the call. He doesn’t want to leave his daughter alone while the TV is on, but also doesn’t want to talk about a case right in front of her. The option of turning the TV off is also from the table, because this would be just plain mean.

So he answers it, afraid that the voicemail will turn on. “Hey Morgan, wait a second, I’ll have to leave the room”, then he puts his hand over the speaker and turns to the toddler. “Sweetheart, I have to talk to your Uncle Derek real quick. I’ll be right back.” She nods and goes back to her cartoon.

But while her father is in the room next door, the audio gets awfully quiet. Frustrated, because she isn’t able to understand properly what they are saying, (Y/N) looks for the remote. And there it is, waiting patiently for her and her little toddler hands.

But instead of turning the volume up, she accidentally changes the channel to an old cop movie. Curious about what is happening on the screen, the girl leaves it on for a few seconds. Upon entering a room, another man greets him with his middle finger raised. (Y/N) looks at her own and tries to copy that movement. On the third try she kind of gets it.

Getting bored of not knowing what the plot of the movie is, she turns it back on the cartoon she watched earlier and settles back down on her little chair next to the table full of books (Spencer put it there to avoid her sitting too close to the TV and straining her eyes while watching her shows, the distance is perfectly measured).

Just as (Y/N) sits down Spencer re-enters the living room, feeling relieved because he was able to help his team. “Hey Sweetie, is everything alright?” Happily she nods, showing him the bird.

Spencer’s face? Just imagine the shook Pikachu. “(Y/N)! You don’t do that! This is really mean!” He tells her in a stern voice. Where did she learn that from? He doesn’t know it, but the genius is almost a 100% sure she saw someone on the street doing it, (Y/N) always was quick to pick things like these up.

The toddler looks at him with a sad face, close to tears. “I-i-i didn’t know. I’m sor-sorry”, she says, beginning to cry. Oh no, this is not what Spencer was aiming for. “No no no, don’t cry. It’s alright. I’m not mad at you. You just don’t do this, people can get really hurt by your gesture.”

After calming her down, he thinks of something they can do outside of their apartment, to forget the little incident. “Do you wanna go to the office with me? All your aunts and uncles are going to get there soon and maybe we can go eat dinner with them?” Excited by the thought of seeing her family, (Y/N) nods and jumps up to get her own little go bag.

It’s a bright pre-packed backpack with small coloring books, normal books, pencils and other knick knacks she might need when she goes out with her father. The only thing that they have to put in is her favorite stuffed animal of the day. They call it like Spencer’s work bag, because the toddler once overheard the word at the office and refused to call it something different than his.

“Hey, look at who decided to give us a little visit!” Penelope exclaims as soon as the team leaves the elevator. (Y/N) tries to keep up with her preppy step, desperately holding onto her hand to not lose her.

As they finally come to a halt in front of everybody, the little girl smiles sweetly at them. “Hi”, she says in the most adorable voice. But instead of doing her usual wave, she raises her small hand with her middle finger standing out.

You just hear a faint “NOO!” and a crashing noise before Spencer comes along in a jog. He scoops his daughter up, looking her into the eyes. He takes a few steps away from where the team is standing.

“(Y/N), what did we say about this gesture”, he asks her in a serious tone. Instantly tears start to form in her eyes again, but Spencer knows he has to be strong now. “(Y/N), you have to stop doing it. It can really hurt people. Do you remember when Jason made fun of the braids Auntie Penelope put your hair in?” She nods.

Meanwhile the team stands awkwardly in the background, not knowing what to do. They never really witnessed the genius reprimanding his daughter in front of them. Though it’s not directly in front them.

“You were hurt by his words. The same is with the gesture you just made. We don’t do this to people, we don’t want to make them feel bad. Now, I don’t want to punish you, because you didn’t really know the meaning. Just apologize to your Aunties and Uncles. Next time you do it, there will be a hard no on TV for a week.”

Quickly wiping her eyes, the toddler mutters a small “Ok Daddy.” Spencer’s heart hurts a little at that, but he needed to be stern in this one.

She wiggles out of his grasp and slowly makes her way over to the others. (Y/N) gives each of them a hug, apologizing individually to them.

“So, who wants to see the new pictures of Sergio I got on my desk?” Emily asks in a cheerful tone to break the awkward tension. Immediately the girl takes upon that offer and bounces off to the desk with her godmother in tow.

Spencer still stands near the elevator, watching the interaction going down through the glass doors. Hotch pats him on the shoulder. “I know it’s difficult to be mad at them or strict even, but you did the right thing”, he reassures him briefly before making his way to his office. The genius smiles, as a parent you seldom get encouraging words about how you raise your child. It kind of feels like walking down a path with closed eyes. But on both sides are deep rivers with piranhas in them.

Derek takes a place beside his best friend. “You know, as serious as this is, it’s also as funny. I mean how she just smiled sweetly as a cupcake and deadass pulled her middle finger up like nobody’s business? My man, in your case I would keep a close eye on her during (Y/N)’s teen years.” Both laugh at the bizarre situation.

But luckily the toddler learned her lesson from this and stopped showing people the bird as a greeting. This is until she learns the next inappropriate thing, she should rather not do.

Taglist:

All works:

@dindjarinsspouse @big-galaxy-chaos

Criminal Minds:

@averyhotchner @mggsprettygirl @herecomesthewriterwitch @ash19871962

Spencer Reid x child!reader:

@ilovetaquitosmmmm

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #reader insert #spencer reid x daughter!reader #spencer reid #x reader #x daughter!reader #x child!reader #emily prentiss #derek morgan #aaron hotch #penelope garcia

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yslkook · 3 years

Text

good years (1)

mind of mine masterlist

summary: you arrive at hobi’s birthday party, along with some of your other friends. pairing: “badboy” jk x “shy/reserved” oc warnings: alcohol, cursing, excessive use of pet names...bc its me

Being late to events, especially events in honor of your friends, was your least favorite thing. Punctuality was one of your top three favorite things about yourself, and yet here you were- nearly sprinting through the streets in heels because you were an idiot and had gotten the name of the bar wrong.

Instead of the Silver Spoon, you’d ended up at the Silver Tongue. That’s what happens when you don’t check your text messages for confirmation and operate on autopilot. So now, you were about an hour and a half late (as if the absence of the birthday boy and his merry band of friends at the Silver Spoon didn’t tell you enough).

Oh well.

By the time you arrive about twelve blocks away to the Silver Spoon, you quickly make sure that not a hair is out of place before walking into the bar to try to blend in, as if you’d been there the whole time.

“Hobi!” You chirp, finding your friend in the middle of all of the chaos, “Happy birthday, Hobi-”

Hobi turns to greet you, a big (drunk) smile plastered across his face. “You’re late! Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”

“Well, I-uh, this is gonna sound dumb, but-”

You’re interrupted by a few of the guys walking into the bar, causing a ruckus and nearly screeching Hobi’s name. At least you’re not the only one who’s late. And you quickly see Sora in your line of sight, entering in behind the guys.

Sora, your best friend of several years since college. She’s been with you since the beginning, taking you under her wing when you were both young and in college. She had brought you out of your shell a bit, inviting you to parties and inviting you to have dinner with her in the dining hall. The slow convenience of college had blossomed into something real, something that could stand the test of time- also known as the test of post-graduate life.

Her friendship was an adventure to say the least.

“Hey,” You beam at her with drinks for both of you in your hands, “Fancy seeing you here-”

“Hey,” She grins, pulling you in for a hug, “Work was so shitty, like, I had to stay late today. Of all days! I can’t wait to have a fuckin’ drink.”

“Yeah, here’s something funny-” But your words are cut off yet again, by the arrival of more friends. It looks like Sora had invited some of her own friends, friends that you weren’t quite sure liked you very much.

But you don’t dwell on that, instead sipping on your drink and settling on people watching. Settings like this unnerve you- being in a place where you’re not quite friendly with everyone in attendance makes you feel self-conscious. It’s easier to just stay in the background, blend into the walls, so as to not upset yourself-

“Hey, you,” Comes a familiar voice to your right. It’s Yoongi, one of your fellow people watcher enthusiasts. He stands next to you, shoulder brushing against yours.

“Hey, you,” You repeat, flashing him a smile and a playful shove to his shoulder, “How have you been? It’s been a while, Yoongi.”

“You’re the one who’s been hiding,” Yoongi teases, “All cooped up at home.”

“So have you! In your studio,” You protest, poking his shoulder.

“I guess I can’t argue there.”

“No, you really can’t,” You say, “So tell me then, what’s new? What’s coming out of the studio these days?”

You enjoy hearing him speak, the way his passion for his craft pouring through his words. He invites you (again) to stop by the studio if you ever want to. You promise to stop by soon, with his favorite snacks. You usually try to stop by his studio at least once a month to catch up with him. He’s also one of your oldest friends, along with Hobi.

“Hey,” Comes another voice to your left this time. It’s a voice you definitely recognize, a voice that makes you tense up immediately.

Jeon Jungkook has always had a way of making you stammer over your words, ever since Yoongi and Hobi had introduced you to him years ago. He’s tall, nearly always dressed in all black, tattoos and piercings coloring his frame, and something sweet and sinful swirls in his dark eyes.

You don’t know if it’s a look that is reserved for you or if he looks at everyone like this, but honestly, your brain short circuits every time he glances your way.

“H-hi,” You mumble, taking a sip of your drink to ease your jumpy nerves. Jungkook only grins at you, his bunny smile a stark contrast to the rest of his aura.

“Been a while, huh?” Jungkook says, voice smooth and sweet like molasses.

“Y-yeah, been busy,” You mutter. You watch in mild panic as Yoongi walks away, being called away by Namjoon and Taehyung.

“Missed you, baby,” Jungkook winks at you. Somehow, he always gravitates to you at these types of events. Not that you’ll particularly complain- his attention makes you feel warm, even if it’s all for jokes and fun.

As Sora repeatedly has told you.

According to her, he’s the worst- a player, a fuckboy (when he was apparently too old to be one, her words not yours) and this is how he treats any pretty girl. So you don’t take it too seriously, only indulging him a bit and keeping him out of your periphery.

But you won’t deny that his recent use of the pet name might make you swoon a little bit.

“Oh, stop,” You wave him off with heat rising in your cheeks. And he knows it, too, from the self-assured smirk he throws you.

“How’s work been? They got you crunching numbers and all that?” Jungkook asks, ordering himself a beer and a drink for you.

“That’s literally my job, but right now, we just got access to a new database so I’m excited to see what kinds of visualizations and insights we can bring forward. We’re moving forward to proactive analysis, but you know, we’re still a ways away from that, we still react to problems so reactively. Like we’re just putting out fires all the time, it’s kinda tiring but I’m excited-” You cut yourself off at your rambling, sheepishly laughing, “Oh, you should’ve stopped me. I know it’s boring.”

“It’s not boring, not if it’s important to you,” Jungkook shrugs, “Besides, I like hearing you talk.”

“Really? You really wanna hear about the latest and greatest happening in the data world?”

“I wanna hear about anything you have to say, baby,” Jungkook says easily. You squeeze your drink in your hand tightly to ground yourself.

This is why he intimidates you- his affections have only increased in the last few months. It’s like he’s playing a game with you, trying to see how long it takes for you to crack. You don’t know how sincere he is when he turns the charm on- is this how he talks to everyone, or is it just you?

You like to think it’s just you (because you at least dare to call him a friend of yours), but he could get anyone he sets his eyes on. Rather than spiralling down that train of thought, you bask in his flirtations, his gentle affections hidden under his very many layers of black.

Before you can reply to ask him about the tattoo parlor and about his newly purchased motorcycle, Sora interrupts you both. You’re oblivious to the deadly glare that Jungkook shoots her, and the glare that she shoots right back at him.

She whisks you away, an arm tight around your shoulders. You turn your head and look back at Jungkook apologetically.

This is how it always is, especially for the last few months. As soon as Sora sees Jungkook and you speaking, she’ll immediately do anything to intervene. It’s fucking annoying and Jungkook is beginning to dislike Sora more and more each time he has the misfortune of coming in contact with her. He doesn’t really care about whatever personal vendetta your best friend has for him.

He’s always thought Sora was a conniving woman, full of manipulation and tricks up her sleeve. Ever since Yoongi and Hobi had introduced you to their friend group (and you had brought Sora along as well). His instincts are hardly ever wrong, but he hates to see you spiral with her.

But he’s powerless to stop you from walking away from him. Yet again.

tags: @kookdbean

#jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x reader #jungkook fluff #jungkook x you #jeon jungkook x you

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nashibirne · 3 years

Text

Gimme Shelter - 7

Here it is, the last chapter of Gimme Shelter. It took me a while to write it, I kinda had a hard time to let Kat and Henry go... I'm going to miss them. I hope you like the ending I chose for these two. If so, please let me know by leaving a comment, reblog or like. Feedback is much appreciated. 💜

Pairing: Henry Cavill x OFC (Kat Spencer)

Words: ~ 4.5 k

Summary: Henry has to deal with a personal crisis and he finds shelter with his old rugby mate Sam and his sister Kat. She used to be Henry’s best friend a very long time ago. Will they be able to become friends again or maybe even more? Chapter 7: An important conversation, a celebration and lots of love.

You can find the previous chapters and my other fics on my masterlist!

Warnings: RPF, mention of mental health issues, smut, sex (p in v), vanilla, unprotected sex, nsfw, 18+, fluff

UNBETA'ED! English is not my mother tongue, so expect bad grammar, wrong spelling, chaotic punctuation and clumsy language. All mistakes are mine…

I got a little help with a certain paragraph, thank you so much @sillyrabbit81 for your advice and your support. Love ya 💕

Credits: Pics for the moodboard from Pinterest. Face claims: Kat = Jennifer Connelly

Disclaimer: I don’t know the real Henry Cavill or anyone who's related to him in any way, this is pure fiction and a lot of wishful thinking.

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed)

@lunedelorient @inlovewithhisblueeyes @willkatfanfromasia @hell1129-blog @mis-lil-red @agniavateira @kebabgirl67 @omgkatinka @legendarywizarddetective @summersong69 @taebfada @xxxkatxo @artandotherdelights @notabronte @littlefreya @luclittlepond @eldarwen333 @meowpurrbooks @marantha @liliumdream @enchantedbytomandhenry @greensleeves888 @witcherfan @margauxmargaux07 @radaofrivia @m07belzen @a-little-counter-esperanto @starstruckkittyangel @mary-ann84 @sillyrabbit81 @emelinelovesjc @wheretheriversrunintothesea @lam0ureuxq @kingliam2019

Let the grand finale begin....

***********

"There's no need to be nervous, Kat."

Henry gave her a smile before taking a sip of his coffee.

They were sitting at their gate, waiting to board the plane that was going to fly them to Jersey.

"I know", Kat sighed, shaking her head slowly, "but I still am. I haven't seen your family in years, there will be so many people I don't know…"

"And they will love you. Look, Kitty, today is gonna be relaxed. You'll meet my parents, my brothers and their families and that's it. Just a casual dinner. Tomorrow there will be the celebration and I promise you it's gonna be great. My folks know how to party," he winked at her with a grin, "and on Sunday everyone except for my parents will be gone and we have a whole week to relax and just enjoy the island and our time together. Okay?"

"Okay," she smiled at him and took a bite of the muffin she had bought at one of the airport cafes, "I'll try to relax. Just distract me, tell me something... anything."

"That's the text for Instagram. The open letter to my fans and followers."

"Well, actually there's really something I want to talk to you about", Henry said reluctantly. He grabbed his phone and opened his google docs. "I need your opinion on this." He gave her his mobile.

Kat saw that the display showed a long text. "What's that?"

"I see," Kat chewed on her lip, looking him in the eyes, "and you want me to proofread it?"

"I want to know what you think about it."

"Alright. Let's see."

She stared at the words on the screen with a beating heart. Henry had been working on this statement quite a while now and she knew it would include his plans for the future. They had talked about different scenarios but she didn't know what he'd finally decided to do with his life and his work. She was curious but at the same time she was scared because many of these scenarios meant that he was going to leave St. Ives and her life. She took a deep breath and started to read.

The statement was deep and of unabashed openness. The way Henry described what he had gone through in the past year was very touching and she had to fight back tears several times. Relief flooded her when she read that he was asking his fans to give him a little more time to reorientate and that he intended to remain in the background for a little longer, stating that he was very happy at the sanctuary he had found and that good friends had given him shelter. What left her completely amazed was the last paragraph.

"Kal is going to take over your Instagram?"

Henry grinned sheepishly.

"Yeah. For a while. I think it's a good solution. I'm going to post pictures of him with captions that let people know what I'm doing without giving up my privacy until I'm ready to return and face the public again. It's my way of letting my fans be a part of my life although I'm not really present. I want to share what I'm up to but not the way I used to do it. I want to do more than promotion and I want to be more than a thirst trap, Kitty."

"You're much more than that, Hen", she took his hands in hers, looking at him with a frown, "so much more."

He gave her a grateful smile.

"I know that but many people don't and that's my own fault. The way I've presented myself on social media was very one-sided in the last year and it will be interesting to find out how many of my 17 Mio followers still like me when all they'll get to see in the next weeks is my dog. The ones that remain are the ones that count and in the future I want them to see who I am and what's important to me. I have picked three topics I want to concentrate on. First: conversation and protection of species in cooperation with Durrell. Second: mental health, focusing on problems men often face. I want to found a charitable trust that helps and supports men with mental health issues and that raises awareness of that topic. Thirdly: Fitness, because it's such an important part of my life. I want to show how good moving can make you feel but I also want to show the risks of overdoing it and that even very fit people can still have body issues and how I deal with these issues myself."

"First of all I think the statement you want to post is great. It's so sincere and you open up so much... It's a risk because you expose yourself but I think people will appreciate your honesty and I'm sure many can identify with what you've been through. And your plans sound fantastic, Henry. I know how important these topics are to you and you're going to be a great ambassador for all of this because it's authentic. This is you, people will notice and appreciate that." She couldn't help but give him a spontaneous hug. "God, Henry, I'm so happy for you."

Henry let out a sigh and shrugged, looking at Kat with an expression full of doubt and insecurity.

"What do you think?"

He hugged her back, pulling her into a tight embrace. "That's such a relief, Kat. I was worried it might sound stupid."

"Not a bit! It sounds perfect. But what about work? Do you already know where to go with your job?"

He took a deep breath.

"Yes. I want to return to filming but I want to leave my comfort zone a bit and try to get different kinds of roles. I'll have to talk to my agent and hope that he can find some interesting projects for me. I also thought about going on the stage again. Back to the roots, maybe I will find a theater that is willing to give me a chance. But that's just an idea, I'm open to anything. I just know for sure that I love my job. I want to be an actor and I'm ready to work again."

"And you will work again. I'm sure. Are you going to tell your family about your plans?"

"Sure. It will be a great relief for them to see that I'm back on track."

"Of course. It's a relief for me too."

"I know…"

They were interrupted by the announcement that boarding was about to start and so they got on the plane, heading to Jersey with a pretty good feeling.

****

36 hours later Kat was still feeling pretty good. The garden party was in full swing and she really enjoyed the jolly atmosphere, the food, the drinks and most of all Henry's company. His family had given her a very warm welcome and so she had a very good time. The garden was beautifully decorated and lit by countless torches, candles and chinese lanterns. A local band was playing cover songs on a little stage and a clown was entertaining the children.

It was almost midnight when Henry turned to her with a smile.

"Time for the big surprise."

"Can't wait. You've been such a mystery-monger lately."

"I know, but you'll soon know why."

"Well, you want to surprise your mum. Isn't that the reason?" Kat was visibly confused and Henry gave her one of his perfectly imperfect winks.

"My mum and...you. Maybe?"

He went away with a grin and left Kat with a beating heart. What kind of surprise could he possibly have for her? On his mother's birthday? She smoothened out her plain black dress with a nervous gesture before she followed Henry with her eyes, her arms resting on the cocktail table right in front of the stage. When he grabbed the microphone, Kat assumed he wanted to hold a speech, maybe telling his family and friends about his future plans but when he turned to the band leader for a whispered exchange she knew there was more to it. Henry nodded at each of the band members and Kat could tell he was nervous by his body language.

"Hello everyone," his deep voice echoed through the speakers, "I'm sorry to interrupt, I know everyone is having a great time and don't worry, I'm not going to bore you with a speech, but I still have prepared a little something. A surprise."

He flashed a bright smile at his mother, ignoring the teasing cheers and whistles coming from his brothers.

"Mum, I racked my brain over a special present for weeks. What would make you happy? What would surprise you? Eventually I had this idea I knew you'd love but that really got me out of my comfort zone. I worked hard on it and I hope you and everybody else will like the result." Henry cleared his throat with a sheepish smile.

"Come on man, spill it." That was Henry's younger brother Charlie and Kat couldn't help but chuckle when his older brother Simon joined in.

"Yeah, Hen, the suspense is killing us."

Henry shook his head, laughing and Marianne Cavill shushed her sons with an amused smile.

"Okay, well... I'm going to sing for you."

"Oh please, spare us. You can't sing." Charlie again, he'd always been a cheeky guy and obviously he hadn't changed a bit. Henry laughed out loud, pointing his finger at Charles.

"Right, brother, that's why I took lessons. I spent many, many hours at our neighbour's who is a vocal coach. Kat is my witness."

All eyes turned on her now and she couldn't give them much more than a shrug, a nod and a smile to confirm his words. She wasn't able to say anything, but her mind was racing. He had been taking singing lessons with Mel, who had been a music teacher and vocal coach before her marriage. The revelation hit her hard and unexpected, flooding her with relief and a hint of shame. She had been so suspicious all this time without a reason. Nothing had been going on between Hen and Mel, nothing inappropriate, nothing intimate. He had been telling the truth.

Henry's voice interrupted her thoughts and she took a deep breath, turning her attention to what was happening on stage.

The band started to play and Kat immediately recognized the song, Green, Green Grass of Home, and when Henry began to sing she was completely captivated by his full, warm and dark voice. He did great up there and it didn't take people long to pull out lighters and smartphones to wave them in the air to the slow rhythm of the song, creating a sea of lights that illuminated the garden.

"Well...I better get started before I chicken out and change my mind." He nodded at the band with a grateful smile.

"We only had the chance to rehearse two times so please be lenient with me. Thanks guys for playing along and allowing me to take over... Anyway, I've prepared three songs. Enjoy."

Kat looked at Mrs Cavill, no, at Marianne -it still felt strange to call her by her first name- and she was beaming, tears of pride and joy sparkling in her eyes. Kat was incredibly happy and proud too, it just felt so good to see Henry perform, completely at ease with himself, confident and charming as ever.

The next song seemed to be some kind of family hymn. After only a few lines of Neil Diamond's Sweet Caroline everybody was singing along, even the kids, and Kat joined in, soaking up the jolly atmosphere and the good mood that was so infectious. Henry obviously had a great time too. He was smiling all over his face and it made Kat glad to see him so relaxed and happy. Before he began singing the last song, he spoke softly into the microphone.

"The next one is for everyone who's in love. Grab your loved ones and get on the dancefloor, it's time for slow-dancing", and after a little pause he added, "this one's for you, Kat."

I know that you've been hurt before

He looked her straight in the eyes and his words sent shivers down her spine. She noticed the curious glances people gave her and she knew she was blushing but she did her best to pretend to be cool, calm and collected, taking a sip of her red wine. When the music set in, Kat easily recognized the song. It was a slow version -Henry's version- of a Curtis Stigers song and she already loved it after the first few words. She knew the lyrics by heart and thinking about them awoke the butterflies in her belly.

Happy couples filled the dancefloor looking lovingly at each other, dancing slowly to the music. Henry's full voice was perfect for the song and he kept looking at Kat. Their eyes were locked and to her it felt like no one else was around, like Henry was singing just for her.

But that won't happen anymore, no no

Just give your heart to me

And I'll guard it with my life

I don't know what I'd do

Baby, without you

His words found their way right into her heart and for the first time in 22 years she felt ready to finally let go of the past, to completely trust him again, to believe him and to forgive him.

You're all that matters to me

The ground that you walk

The air that you breathe

Someday you'll discover

I don't want no other, believe me

You're all that matters, baby

All that matters to me

She realized that a teardrop was rolling down her cheek and she wiped it away hastily. Concern was showing in Henry's eyes when he saw that she was crying but the smile she gave him showed him it was a tear of joy and relief flooded him. He couldn't wait to finish the song now, couldn't wait to dance with Kat, to hold her in his arms.

Loud applause followed his performance, accompanied by calls for an encore that he declined politely with a shy smile. Henry made sure to tell the band to continue with some ballads and after receiving some very tight hugs and kisses from his extremely happy and proud mother he finally joined Kat at their table.

"Fancy a dance?" He offered her his hand with a charming smirk.

She nodded and took his hand, following him to the dance floor where he pulled her close. They swayed slowly to "You Are The Sunshine of my life" for a while without saying anything, content with just looking at each other, before Kat broke the silence.

"You were great up there."

"You liked it?"

"I loved it, Hen. You have a wonderful voice. Mel seems to be a good coach." Kat gave him a sheepish smile.

"Yeah, she is. Once she'd realized that I wasn't interested in more than singing lessons she was very professional and pretty strict."

Henry grinned at her, gently tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It was supposed to be a surprise and I wanted you to trust me." He shrugged, giving her a tender smile.

"And I didn't. I let you down. I was such an idiot, Henry. I should have believed you, I am so sor…"

"No, Kitty, please... don't apologize, okay?" He looked at her with a frown, seriousness showing in his eyes. "You had every right to be mistrustful, I understand that. Just tell me that you think you will be able to trust me again some day."

"I already do. I…"

They bumped into another couple and it wasn't the first time. The dance floor was crowded and everyone was keen on congratulating Henry on his performance. It felt like every single party guest was watching them.

"Wanna leave?"

"Yes," Kat nodded with a smile.

****

"It's so peaceful, isn't it?"

"It is. It's beautiful." Kat squeezed Henry's hand before resting her head against his shoulder. They were walking down the beach along the dark shore, that was romantically enlightened by a bright full moon hand, in hand. The sea was calm, just giving off its soothing sounds and a cool breeze that made Kat shiver. Henry took off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders.

"Thanks", Kat said with a smile, "not only for the jacket but for bringing me here and for this wonderful night."

"Did you enjoy the party?"

"Of course, it was so much fun and I loved your performance. Especially the third song."

Henry stopped walking and turned to her, taking both of her hands in his, looking her deep in the eyes.

"Every single word was true, Kat. I meant it. I'd never hurt you again. You're really all that matters to me. I know you find it hard to believe me, but…"

"I believe you," Kat cut in, "I felt it. I feel it now."

Henry stared at her. "You do?"

"Fuck, yes, I do!" Kat threw her head back, laughing out loud, feeling incredibly happy and light-hearted all of the sudden. "And I feel the same, Hen. Exactly the same."

She cupped his face with her hands and did what she had been longing to do for so long. She kissed him. It was a gentle kiss, almost shy and when Henry felt her mouth on his, her soft lips united with his, skin on skin, no tongue, just tenderness and love, he was beyond happy and savoured every single second.

When Kat pulled away reluctantly he rested his forehead against hers taking a deep breath.

"I feel like 17 again", he whispered.

Kat laughed softly at his words. "So do I. It feels great."

The next kiss started off just like the previous one, innocent and sweet, but when Henry pulled Kat close to deepen the kiss all the bottled-up sexual tension and energy, all the suppressed passion and desire of more than 20 years erupted and they started to make out hungrily, starving for love and intimacy. After a while things really heated up and Henry was the one to put the brakes on when Kat started to fumble with his fly.

"If you don't want me to take you right here we better take it to the bedroom, Kitty", Henry sighed, his voice thick with arousal and desire.

"Well, I've never done it on the beach…", Kat smirked, biting her lower lip.

"Seriously? Here?" Henry took a look around checking if the coast was clear.

"I was joking, Hen. I hate having sand in every pore." Kat nudged him with a grin. "Just take me home."

They made it to the cottage in record time and started to undress each other right in the little hallway, kissing and fumbling like teenagers. While Kat was unzipping Henry's trousers, he was unsuccessfully trying to open her bra.

"Front clasp, Hen", Kat explained to him breathlessly.

"Fuck", Henry chuckled, "I swear I'm not gonna be that clueless once I'll have you naked."

"Good," she answered with a lewd smile, stripping off her bra when he'd finally managed to open it, standing in front of him in just her panties.

"God, you're beautiful, Kitty." Henry let his eyes wander all over her body while stepping out of his pants. He took off his socks and now he was facing her naked too, except for his briefs.

"You don't look so bad yourself, pop."

She grabbed him by the hem of his underwear, pulling him close for another kiss. Kat gasped when he lifted her up effortlessly, wrapping her legs around his waist, feeling his hard-on pressing against her wet panties. She moaned into his mouth when he moved his hips, dry humping her teasingly. Henry carried Kat to his bedroom and laid her down on the bed. He stripped off her pants before he did the same with his and when they finally were both naked he climbed on top of her, looking her deep in the eyes, before kissing her again. It was a long, slow kiss and Kat let her fingers run over his back till they reached his butt. She squeezed his ass and pulled him close, sighing with lust when Henry started to kiss her tits and to suck her nipples. She reached between her legs and grabbed his dick that was pretty impressive, giving it a few strokes that made him moan loudly.

"Fuck, Kat...I need you…I need to feel you...now."

She brought the tip of his cock to her entrance, bucking her hips, inviting him in.

"Take me. I'm yours, Henry."

"Are you on birth control?"

"I am, don't worry. Just go for it. Please."

Her words weren't more than a hoarse whisper but Henry heard them crystal clear. He moaned again when he realized that it was finally going to happen. He was about to make love to Kat and it was like a dream come true. A hot, sexy, wet dream and he couldn't help but feel a little nervous. He penetrated Kat slowly, gently, enjoying the moment that marked the beginning of their first time.

"God, Hen…", Kat moaned softly as he stretched her pussy, kneading his ass and lifting her hips to meet him halfway, "you feel great."

"I love you, Henry," she whispered before she came with a loud moan. She arched her back and Henry felt the shiver that ran through her body and the contraction of her pussy that tightened around his cock. The feelings that flooded him were more than Henry could take and he cried her name out loud when he got off, releasing an enormous amount of cum and the thought of filling her up like this made him thrust into her cunt hard and deep one last time. "Fuck...Kitty." He collapsed on top of her, gasping and panting, holding her tight, pressing a kiss on her lips. Henry looked her in the eyes with a loving smile.

He started to move slowly once he filled her completely, looking her in the eyes. It was impossible to turn back time. He wasn't her first, she wasn't his first but he still intended to make their first time together feel special, he didn't want to fuck her mindless, he wanted to make tender love to her. He thrusted a little faster and deeper now and Kat followed his rhythm, her gaze resting on his face. They shared another sensual kiss, moving in sync for a wonderful long time, prolonging the intimate moment as much as possible, enjoying the sensation of closeness, their bodies and souls connected.

Henry's moans got louder, turning into raspy grunts which was a great turn on for Kat, who was a panting mess. Breathing heavily she was getting closer to cumming with every thrust that hit her cervix, with every stroke, brushing against her g-spot, with his lower body pressing and rubbing against her clit. She watched Henry, who had his head bent back now, eyes half closed, his upper body propped up on his elbows that were placed left and right of her torso. She wrapped her legs around him, making him go even deeper before she grabbed his head and pulled him in for a sweet kiss. They locked eyes and his gaze was full of tenderness, his pupils tinted black and filled with lust.

"I love you too, Kat."

A few minutes later they were lying side by side, holding hands, their faces turned to each other.

"We should have done that 22 years ago."

Henry grinned at Kat, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

"I doubt it would have been so good. Teenage Kat was very self-conscious and a little prude and I guess teenage Henry wasn't a pro at handling this weapon right from the start." Kat touched his dick and gave him a teasing wink that made Henry chuckle.

"Right. We've come a long way. It just feels like we've wasted so much time...all these years."

"We can't change that, Hen", Kat said, "but we can make the most of the time that's still to come. Let's just be happy together from now on. Let's spend as much time together as possible, let's have lots and lots of fucking great sex, let's have fun, let's share our joys and sorrows, let's share our lives."

****

Epilogue

Two years later.

Kat sat at her desk in her office with a happy smile on her face. Mr. Darcy was sleeping on her lap and she held a letter in her hands. Bringing it close to her nose she took a deep breath, smelling Henry's scent, his tangy, musky cologne. It was a habit they had established in the last years. Whenever Henry and Kat were separated for more than a few days they sent each other love letters. Handwritten in ink, the exclusive, handmade writing paper perfumed with their odours, the lines filled with their love. The letters usually weren't long, most of the time they shared just short poems or simply a few sentences about how their days had been without each other. It was their old fashioned way of showing their affection and of staying in touch in addition to their conversations via phone or facetime.

"A letter from daddy", Kat whispered, stroking her round belly tenderly. Eight weeks to go until they would welcome their first child and a little more than half a year until their wedding. "Let's see what it's saying."

Kat opened the letter carefully and pulled out the thick paper to unfold it.

"My darling Kitty,

Only three days to go until I finally can take you in my arms again. I can't wait to kiss your lips and your belly to greet you and our little bean. I don't have much time, you know how tight my schedule is, but I needed to write down this poem for you. It would make a great wedding vow, don't you think? Just read it and let me know how you feel about it when I'm back.

"Mouthful Of Forevers

I am not the first person you loved. You are not the first person I looked at with a mouthful of forevers. We have both known loss like the sharp edges of a knife. We have both lived with lips more scar tissue than skin.

Our love came unannounced in the middle of the night. Our love came when we’d given up on asking love to come. I think that has to be part of its miracle. This is how we heal.

I will kiss you like forgiveness. You will hold me like I’m hope. Our arms will bandage and we will press promises between us like flowers in a book.

I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat on your skin. I will write novels to the scar of your nose. I will write a dictionary of all the words I have used trying to describe the way it feels to have finally, finally found you.

And I will not be afraid of your scars. I know sometimes it’s still hard to let me see you in all your cracked perfection, but please know: whether it’s the days you burn more brilliant than the sun or the nights you collapse into my lap your body broken into a thousand questions, you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

I will love you when you are a still day. I will love you when you are a hurricane."

Isn't it perfect for us?

by Clementine von Radics

I love you!

Forever yours,

Henry"

***********

The End

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