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cainightfics · 6 months

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can we get an update? are u doing ok? u had such crazy output last year and now u so suddenly stopped

hey! ya sorry i went so mia its been a busy year. im still working on fic but its slow. from when i last updated trotw to april i was working 3 jobs, taking a full uni courseload, and writing my thesis. the thesis in particular honestly burned me out on writing really badly but i did manage to write that one oneshot

then summer was just shit honestly lol. i spent the entire summer working at a restaurant to save up money bc i had to move away in september, and the shift i had started at 6am, so i was almost never awake during my peak writing hours (11pm to 3am). i lost 30lbs in 2 months partially because i was broke and partially because my eating disorder relapsed (probably from stress lol). during that time i was only eating one meal a day in the form of my free staff lunch at work, but the restaurant where i worked was INFESTED WITH MICE :))))) so half the time i was too disgusted to eat thinking there might be rodent shit mixed into my food lol. and then on my days off i just ate like eggs and rice and zucchini bc thats what i got from the food bank. in august i started really genuinely and consciously restricting my calories down to like 500-800 cals per day, plus working on my feet as a waitress doing like 20k steps a day as a result of the malnutrition and rapid weight loss my hair started falling out in massive clumps :))) and i started sleeping for like 12 hrs a day. im eating properly now ofc tho

i moved in september for grad school and am now living in one of the most expensive cities in the world lol so i spend a lot of time just financially struggling. i have a job that will last until the end of december but its under contract so i only make like $600 a month and have to rely on my $14k school stipend and meagre savings for the rest. ive been looking for another job but i either get no interview, have the interviewer ghost me, or most recently, get told i have the job and then just never get scheduled. i have 7 cents in my checking account rn lol. my rent is paid until next month and then after that who knows whats gonna happen to me

last years output was definitely a fluke and only happened bc i was VERYYYY financially stable and could fuck around a lot at my part time job, where i wrote most of trotw. those sunny days are gone 🚬🚬 lol but i dont intend to abandon my works and i promise they will come someday. if anyone here feels like paying my rent itll come EVEN faster!!!

thx for checking up tho, its nice to know i havent been totally forgotten by u guys <3

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toadstool32 · 1 year

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TINY FIC REC

Im making a tiny (pun intended) rec list of crossover fics bc i realized like, yesterday that my fav fics are either time travel fics or crossovers and i think sometimes ppl just skip on those bc idk they r not familiar with the other fandom yknow? anyway this is mostly just me putting all my favs on a list and releasing em into the wild, go check em out if u have similar tastes than me, or not, i dont care. on to the list!!!:

Dedication Through Light And Darkness by lalunaticscribe

Fandoms: Yugioh Duel Monsters and Dresden Files

Rated Teen and up

Summary:

The Door to Darkness has opened. The Light is missing. The Chicago Anarchy-gasm has begun, as Duel Monsters come out to play. As the titans clash,in the midst of it all is...Dark Magician? "There is no way in hell any wizard would wear that, Molly".

I read this one a whiiiiiile back but its like, my fave fic ever, im not even into dresden files i have no idea what happens there but the characters are interesting and the way they all interact is super interesting, the supernatural elements really blend incredibly well and THE DUELS OMG, some yugioh fics dont bother writting duels or just do the minimun but the duels here actually serve a purpose and AUGH its just so good, the author has another 5ds/marvel crossover but i have not read that one yet LOL.

Let the Darkness Bring Us Into the Light by arinrowan

Fandoms: Yugioh Duel Monsters and My Hero Academia

Rated Teen and up

Summary:

Yuugi was never interested in becoming a hero. But he's always wanted friends. Friends who he could rely on, and who could rely on him, no matter what. And after meeting Izuku, Yuugi's determined to support Izuku as Izuku becomes a hero. Even if it means getting involved in heroics, getting dragged into way too many fights, being around way too many loud people, and winding up involved with too many dumb secrets.

this one makes me insane it scratches my brain in a very specific way i loveloveLOVE how its written and its a series!, im biased towards yugi but even from a bnha bg u can enjoy this one! the quirk talk and hero society commentary is amazing and so great, the sequel its on goin and has got even better. read this if u like quirk talk or like seeing yugi and or izuku having friends.

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons by Tenka

Fandoms: Yugioh Duel Monsters, GX, 5DS, Zexal, Arc V, VRAINS

Rated Teen and up

Summary:

It's a small restaurant. They shouldn't be able to get into nearly as much trouble as they do. In which Atem and Yugi run a small business with some eccentric workers in their midst. [Restaurant!AU]

Does it count a as a crossover if its the same franchise? i think so!, remember all those silly "and they all live in the same building" old time fandom thing? this is literally it but they work in a restaurant, its good u dont even need to have watched all of the series to get it this is such silly fun times, unfinished/on going.

King's Jackal by esama

Fandoms Yugioh Duel Monsters and Harry Potter

Rated Teen and up

Summary:

Wrecking all of Dumbledore's plans, the Power Dark Lord Knows Not walks up to Harry in the summer before his fifth year, and asks for directions.

ok i know what u think but i think this is the one that originated the whole shadow court thing? thats such a sick concept man augh what the hell this one is from 2011 so that alone speaks by itself but still! the charm in this one is the ygo characters like theres something goin on here that i like about it i tend to look very closely and just go euugh if anything seems OOC but this one is just fun old fuck the source material (both of them?????) incredible. also yugi is just fun here thats all i rest my case the fics abandoned btw, esama also wrote that one fic where yugi gains more shadows after atem goes away that one made me scream. not a crossover but read that one too

Bye Bye Yesterday by princessesandangels

Fandoms: Assassination Classroom and My Hero Academia

Rated Teen and up

Summary:

After the assassination of Koro-sensei, Shiro survived to continue his experiments. And he kidnapped all of 3-E to be his first test subjects. His first Nomu. But something went wrong. Very wrong. And now, 27 terrified teenagers, one femme fatale and a terminally overworked government agent are waking up in a world unlike anything their assassination classroom could have prepared them for. *** Ritsu looked close to happy tears and Tsukauchi was just staring back and forth between the two of them, shocked. “We’ll get them out, get them safe, I promise,” she said. “We… Ritsu, what are you doing here? Since when do you hack into police stations?” And Ritsu suddenly looked very sad. “Karasuma-sensei… I’m not really sure how to tell you this… But I haven’t seen anyone from 3-E in 232 years.”

part of an on goin series! ive linked this one before, ive made fanart to this, it makes me insane it makes me irrovocably sad it gets my brain thinkin up shenaningans, i love ensemble casts i love when theres just a bunch of guys running around, this fic is both fun and tragic bc of the nature of how the author went around to making it a plausible crossover. good stuff!!

stay in my eyelids for a little longer by stubborn_jerk

Fandoms: Mob psycho 100 and My hero academia

Rated Teen and up

Summary:

"Psychic powers don’t give us Quirks. Being born with one does." Kageyama Shigeo, nicknamed "Mob," had known this at a young age. This did not stop him from applying to two of the most prestigious Hero schools in Japan because, although he seems like an inconspicuous person, he, is in fact, a powerful ESPer.

are u seeing a pattern here? im seeing a patter here, dude what if mob was a UA student, came here for the plot stayed for the domestic terumob, its sweet and its fun seeing mob being mob in a hero obsessed society, part of a series if u want more!

100 Percent Hero by CiscoTheSoto

Fandoms: Mob psycho 100 and My hero academia

Rated Gen

Summary: A boy born with all the power he never wanted, Shigeo Kageyama didn't view himself as a hero. Although he saved innocent people from villains and spirits countless times, he never thought about how many lives he saved. But when he goes to a world where people with powers save others regularly, he will come to realize the impact he could have and what it really means to be a hero.

oh this one is great its on goin btw, while the last one is sweet this one just hits u in the face under the pretense that its good for u (it is) idk man what do i even tell u mob is so fucking sweet and the world around him is so fucking not. it pulls at my shounen protag loving ass.

This is the part where u start to realize i either really like mha or really hate it.

DCstuck by Vinnocent

Fandoms: Homestuck and the DC universe

Rated Teen and up

Summary:

Mr. Crocker raises an eyebrow. “Young man, are you suggesting we blackmail Batman?” he demands.

Read that summary again and tell me that doesnt sound sick as fuck tell me that to my face. Unfinished/on goin its fun times! u dont have to have read a single comic in ur life i actually read this one before even touching a single comic panel, whats better than this, just a bunch of guys running around im like a puppy running after its tail, go read this its like 50 ish chapters long so far

A Lullaby For Gods by inkteacup

Fandoms: Homestuck and Marvel (the movies not the comics but idk the difference)

Rated Teen and up

Summary:

Five gods rent a flat in Manhattan. That sounded like the start of a bad joke. In which Loki Silvertongue is not the only lost god who falls to a world that isn’t his own.

oh this is like, so fucking long, and hurts my brain this feels like homework but like, fun homework u know, i dont care about marvel im here for the kids, this pull in every single character u can think off and gives them a purpose its great , i love when theres just so many characters running around and whats this??? it also has some original human characters! even more guys to meet! its on goin and has 166 chapters so far but u already knew that , everyone and their grandma has read this i think.

"tiny all there are so fucking long ur insane" im not denying that now go read my faves pussy.

thats all for now might update this later bc i remember reading more crossovers i like but these r the only ones i found on my bookmarks,ok bye

#thats all now get off my lawn #tinys fic rec post #ac #feel free to send me crossover fics i like reading those #+if u didnt know

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crave-mp3 · 5 months

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HI okay okay nutcracker costumes rant sorry if this is rather incoherent it's so fucking late rn. ohhh boy. this was the royal opera house's production of it and it was. they missed the fucking mark so badly with the costuming i am just. in awe of how badly they fucked it up. i dunno how much of the plot yr aware of but in the second act in the magical land of the sugar plum fairy each dance is supposed to represent a different sweet treat. theres chocolate from spain, tea from china, coffee from arabia and candy canes from russia. now ill give them some credit the one thing they did do right in this production is that their tea dance at least didn't rely as heavily as usual on the same old worn out exoticised racist depictions of chinese culture i was very pleasantly surprised. HOWEVER. they still somehow managed to make some of the ugliest strangest fucking costumes i have ever seen. never have i seen dancers look more visibly uncomfortable in their costumes onstage the fabric looked like cardboard and moved like it too massive kudos to the dancers for being able to do ANYTHING in that. absolute disaster. and then the russian dance. ooh boy. orange. neon orange. and BROWN. FUCKING TOP HATS. PINSTRIPED PANTS. NEON ORANGE SASHES. BROWN COATS. and don't even get me started on the dresses i cannot even. horrifying. truly horrifying. BUT THE WORST PART THE WORST FASHION CRIME OF THE NIGHT. beige. they made the flowers for the flower waltz. BEIGE. BEIGE. BEIGE FLOWERS. I AM. BEYOND SPEECHLESS. beige with green trim and the tiniest little bit of pink. I CANJOT EVEN. the sugar plum fairy too. wasn't as beige as the flowers but still. WHERE IS THE LIFE. WHERE IS THE COLOUR. WHERE IS THE JOY AND MAGIC AND CHRISTMAS SPIRIT. and aside from how visually disgusting it was the thing is. none of the costumes even matched at all with the sweet treat they're supposed to be depicting NONE. so without really knowing your shit how are you supposed to know what's going on how do you know who's what how do you know that this is even candy land when everything looks so disgusting and unappealing. THE FLOWERS DONT EVEN LOOK LIKE FLOWERS. truly some of the poorest costuming ihave ever seen. rant over this did get a lot longer than i intended lmao sorry about that iehope this is at least semi coherent. goodnight and happy holidays!!!!!

GOD that sucks so bad...... orange top hats and beige waltz of the flowers are you kidding me 😭😭 glad they weren't as racist w the tea dance tho. a few weeks ago me and my friend at my dance school were havung a moment of perspective on how weird the tea dance was when we did it as kids (especially bc we're both asian lol). tbh i think orientalism in the nutcracker could be an interesting thing to explore in an essay.... can't believe they even fucked up the sugar plum rip 😔😔

#also im omw to go see the nutcracker rn!!!! very excited #i did the sugar plum dance in the abbreviated nutcracker my school did this winter and my teacher was v cool about me wanting to make it #more androgynous..... i had this kind of burgundy colored bodysuit with a swishy leg cape thing it was so fun to dance in #carrier pigeons!!

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eggyolk-eyoqy · 3 years

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im sick and tired of having to see discourse abt kaeluc luckae whatever the hell you want to call it bc as someone who likes both kaeya and diluc and is chinese and adopted i have to see so much of it so here are my two cents on it.

(very long bc its all the thoughts that have been stewing in my brain since i found out there was disk horse)

for context before we begin: i am chinese adopted by a chinese family living outside of china (my grandparents grew up in china). i have combed through diluc and kaeya’s dialogue, voice-over lines, and character stories multiple times and in multiple different languages, independently of the disk horse simply bc they’re both on my team and i like them a lot as a result. ive spent tons of effort trying to make sense of both character’s personalities, their conflicts, and what their motivations are.

ok lets start here. how do i view kaeya and diluc? as adopted siblings. why? less serious answer: because im adopted and there are already at least two adopted characters in the game so why not bring it to three. more serious/genuine answer: i personally think kaeya being adopted is very essential to understanding his character and how he views his relationship with mondstadt. i know everyone gets up in arms over the two-character chinese word “sworn brothers/adopted brothers” but even if they were to omit that line entirely, kaeya’s story is very reliant on him seeing the ragnvindrs as his family and a direct contrast to his birth father. here’s how i see it: kaeya was taken in and raised by crepus after appearing at dawn winery. it’s perfectly reasonable for kaeya to see crepus as his father and diluc as his brother. if i were in kaeya’s position, dropped in a whole new country with nothing but the clothes on my back and i was taken in my a dude and his son, that would surely be like my birth family to me.

now, i have read the chinese version, and from what i can see all the words they use to describe crepus and diluc in relation to kaeya are pretty vague (as far as i can tell). the phrase “sworn brothers,” while it refers to a popular bl trope, does also have the meaning of a literal adopted brother. the word used to refer to crepus could mean “adopted father” or “father in law.” (in japanese and korean, they use the exact same words in both instances, no real change.) if im gonna be honest? i think that’s intentional. the devs/writers specifically leave their relationship vague so it can be interpreted by fans however they like; because after all genshin is a gatcha games and partially relies on fan attachment to characters in order to profit. by inviting fans to choose their kind of relationship -> fans dont feel alienated or “wrong” -> more fans who are willing to whale for them or create fan content that will promote their game. im no marketing major so take this with a grain of salt but ive always felt that this was a plausible explanation for why there’s no definite answer and it all seems so vague.

so, do i give a fuck if a random given person on the internet ships them romantically? no. im not paid enough to. do i give a fuck if someone who ships them romantically follows me? no, as long as they dont come onto my kaeya and diluc content deliberately talking abt them in a romantic sense as i make it clear i dont like it. (essentially, “you’re welcome to stay here but idk how much of my content you’re gonna care for.”) “but tumblr user nowwhywouldyoudothat!” you say, “you just reblogged gen art from an artist who ships kaeluc!” i am also not paid enough to do a background check and every simple lovely general art i see of these two. i wont ever reblog anything thats inherently romantic for the two since i dont like it, and why would i reblog things i dont like? i will simply ignore that artist’s ship art and just enjoy the single gen art that i just reblogged. its simple.

this is already crazy long and i might have haphazardly explained things and ill clarify them if anyone even reads this lol. but basically, my bottom line is i dislike kaeluc as a romantic ship and think its strange and weird and i dont get it. when i create something about the two, i make sure to note that it is not intended to be romantic. i dont care if someone who does ship them interacts with it, so long as they arent going “KYAA I SHIP THEM SO MUCH” in the comments of my fic that examines their relationship as brothers. at the end of the day, its pixels on a screen, its not that deep. i am begging genshin fans to stop telling ppl to kill themselves or send death threats or doxx ppl over ships. you’re allowed to disagree with/dislike ships, problematic or not, but please at least act like normal human beings when doing so.

so yeah. thats it. a whole ass essay abt discourse. ive always wanted to say it but i never had enough word count lol or organization.

#just wrote this bc as a chinese adoptee im tired of watching ppl go 'IF YOU DISLIKE THE SHIP YOU'RE DISRESPECTING/IGNORING CHINESE CULTURE'#its kind of annoying lol and i cant enjoy gen content of two of my favorite characters w/o feeling guilty in some way #worrying 'am i enabling 1nc3st' and 'am i dismissing my own culture' at the same time #when all i wanna do is enjoy art of these two with pet tortoises #please leave me alone i am just a normal person that wants to think abt my main team in peace

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catnippackets · 4 years

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I'm 4 chaps into what I thought was going to be a ya book that I'm too old for but now I just have to know if the author is a coward or not. Because I can't tell if the characters are sci-fi autistic and they just don't call it autism anymore because of the benefits to the change in brain structure to space travel (and the fact that they are all bullied is a comment on a lack of societal change??) Or we're not going to bring up the fact that none of these kids are nt? (It's called Bounders)

well to be fair it can be hard to bring up in-story that certain characters arent neurotypcial, as in specifically name-dropping the mental condition, since it’s not really something that comes up in casual conversation...well I guess if it’s prose it can be easier but I guess I’m thinking from a comic perspective that would rely entirely on dialogue

but then there’s also the fact that a grand number of allistic people just have no idea how to write autistic characters on purpose lol there are so many characters I can think of that are so clearly autistic to me but that the writers didnt intend to be read as such bc they just think they wrote the characters as “quirky” or whatever lol (which is probs unfair to say since there are probs allistic ppl who do know what theyre doing but the majority dont)

#Anonymous

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ancient-bruises-ancient-moon · 4 years

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any radfems w/ etsys that have stuff that isn’t only radical feminist themed?

I got some birthdays coming up for ppl in my life I need to get stuff for & I wanna support ur artistic ventures. I can’t spent a lot tho, I have to just get small stuff atm- I overextended how much financial help I give to my struggling internet pals this month & did not end up getting the big art commission I was kinda relying on...spent far more than I intended bc I rly thought I was gunna make a big ass sale. like, rent was stupid late bc Im an idiot and suck at budgeting and forget to write down who I help and how much and super fucked myself. but yeah. Etsy?? lol

(btw for those of u that I help when I can pls pls pls dont feel bad. I offer the help and this is entirely MY fault. I dont want anyone to feel like they can’t come to me when they’re out of food or trying to scrap by to live in a motel or w/e)

I need to order like today btw, tomorrow latest probably

#radical feminist #terfs do interact #terfs please interact #womens art #terf safe #terfs

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jewpacabruhs · 4 years

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hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about.

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do.

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it.

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally.

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020!

#txt #mine

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gayregis · 5 years

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issues with blood & wine

cdpr litcherally took away all the development that vampires got in the book series, despite blood & wine adding more vampire lore, and ill explain how

retcons & just weird differences from canon

blood & wine paints vampires as this big evil secret society and civilization whereas in the books they literally do not have more society than “a bunch of frat guys and sorority girls getting wasted every full moon”

the vampire lore they added with mentions and/or demonstrations of human cattle, bloodthirst as a form of torture, the hierarchy with unseen elders, drinking blood being seen as something much darker and sinister all together instead of a vice of vampires like alcoholism is a vice to humanity, and the whole dumbass retcon about the conjunction of the spheres.

the views on blooddrinking introduced in blood & wine lead to annoyingly misplaced dialogue with geralt and regis like geralt mentioning vampires “treating humans like cattle to slaughter” which, they dont, and which geralt learned in baptism of fire, then remarking disapprovingly that humans are more like an open bar then. this dialogue makes no sense even because that’s NOT how vampires in the witcher function

regis’s torture in la cage au fou is just basically torture porn and is pretty unnecessary. but it’s also overdone because it’s not like regis has been sober for centuries, he broke his sobriety at stygga and therefore has only been sober for 8 years, which... he spent dead. so the temptation of relapse would already be an issue for him, which should have provided enough tension and angst for all of us. the scene in la cage au fou also depicts such a visceral pain of bloodlust and doesn’t show WHY it’s such a widespread temptation and vice for vampires... which imo would be more powerful as both a plot point and statement

side note: not vampire related but geralt and regis literally dont talk about the hansa at all and it annoys me because regis seems depressed for No Specific Reason besides dettlaff’s situation when we know that he and geralt experienced great loss at stygga and are struggling to cope with that

side side note: considering regis broke his sobriety at stygga and could be struggling with thoughts of relapse already, knowing that he’s depressed about the loss of milva angouleme and cahir could provide for some more angst and tension :/

the vampire claws are ugly and not lore-friendly. why not just give them short claws on their hands. when regis and other vampires fight in the books, they barely use their claws anyways. they turn invisible, turn into bats, scream, etc.

the smoke/fog effect annoys me because there’s no mention of that in the books, only of them turning invisible. and you can SEE smoke/fog so tell me what is the point

the op-ness of vampires bothers me because vampires were already op in the books and making them moreso just is annoying because it’s unbalanced. i guess this is partially due to an issue in the books where sapkowski never explained how a vampire could truly be killed, but my interpretation is that sapkowski intended to portray regis as “truly killed” at the end of the series, just obliterated beyond his regenerative ability within the near centuries... i mean it took him half a century to grow back a head, how long would it take him to regenerate his entire body? forever, which is pretty akin to ‘death.’ there wasn’t a need to add social rules about vampires killing vampires because... vampires could ‘die’. but cdpr introduced dettlaff regrowing his hand within like, 3 days, and that was that. i don’t disagree with some of the regenerative things depicted, like regis regenerating after dettlaff spears him lol, that was pretty cool and reminiscent of the battle of the bridge where he regenerated from an arrow piercing in about 2 minutes. but for things more severe than flesh wounds........ i can’t support that because it’s too unrealistic given the canon from the books

i like dettlaff’s monster form, i really do, but seeing as how the books say that vampires turn into BATS............................. i guess it is said that all vampires are unique and have different powers, but come on, what is that, that is not even bat-like, or MAYBE do something with the MOTH aesthetic he was given?? he should have had like, locust powers or something cool, come on....

speaking of animal affinities, this is really nitpicky at this point lol, but regis’s corvids not being shown as birds of omen or some dark motif and instead as just General Helpers......... when they attack stygga in lady of the lake, the birds crowd the fort and circle around it, causing the guards outside to all stir and worry about what ill fate is to befall them. it’s intended to be super creepy and worrying. iirc when regis was around corvids also tended to perch in the trees, sort of ominously signaling that he was around... in blood & wine they’re good boys and i love them, but they’re not entirely creepy enough. think of how regis’s gwent card depicts the corvids as an example of a step in the right direction. what im saying basically is less doctor doolittle and more the birds, please.

honorable mention is regis’s hairline and facial hair. baptism of fire described him as looking middle-aged, so he should look around 45. that is all

the conjunction retcons introduced are just confusing and annoying. regis remarks about the vampires’ “home” wistfully multiple times throughout blood & wine, AS IF he actually saw it at one point. our boy’s like, 400 something years old (436, but who’s counting), so he was born in the 800s (bc the witcher saga and games take place in 1260 something). he’s fucking young compared to someone like the unseen elder, or even for example, AVALLAC’H, who’s older than him by like 2 centuries. the conjunction of the spheres occurred 1500 YEARS BEFORE THE SAGA & GAMES TAKE PLACE, in 200s BCE which is MORE THAN 3 TIMES REGIS’S AGE. so it makes no sense for regis to be talking about the vampires’ homeland before the conjunction because (if regis is considered middle aged by vampire standards) he’s like, 3rd or 4th-generation vampire.

depiction of vampires

i will say that orianna and blood simple was a good move because it shows how vampires’ addictions can manifest in ways other than raiding villages as youth... though i would have liked to see orianna shown as middle aged looking like regis is i’ll let that slide because i know cdpr can’t show a woman who is supposed to come off as attractive looking more than 30 years old

but the strictness of vampire society imposed in blood & wine, through the no killing vampires laws, tesham mutna’s whole hierarchy and structure, is inaccurate in my opinion because in the books the whole THING about the vampires is that while they’re highly intelligent and emotional, they don’t really form social structure beyond drinking parties, which i think was both a nice step away from classic “stuffy manor vampire” types and something unique for the witcher universe...

my biggest issue, though, is with dettlaff and his characterization throughout blood & wine, or should i say, lack of consistent characterization. half of the “good things” dettlaff does isn’t even shown (i.e., resurrecting regis) and is rather explained through word, so the effect on the player isn’t as big. his actual caring and protectiveness of rhenawedd/syanna is overshadowed by syanna’s huge arc about her own backstory so there’s like, NO empathy built up for dettlaff. you actually get to talk to syanna about her opinions and takes, but as for dettlaff you’re relying on regis’s secondhand guessing about his brother’s emotions. regis is also somewhat of an unreliable narrator because it’s not like he can predict everything that will happen... as much as it seems it, sometimes

but the whole point of the books dealing with vampires (and more specifically, regis) was to show that sometimes monsters are more reliable and morally upright than humans. im not saying every vampire in the witcher series should be shown as a paragon of morality, because that’s definitely not the case. but i think for a player who has just met regis, just learned about the vampires in the witcher universe, they need more context and more depictions of Good Vampires, or at least, Vampires That Employ Logic, in order to accept that vampires are NOT some savage beasts like anna and damien argue.

it also doesn’t help with... how regis is depicted. regis is always shown in his humanoid form when he’s proper and kind and geralt is friendly with him, and when he’s in a more bestial form during la cage au fou and tesham mutna, he’s shown as like, a danger [[to geralt]], which is such a slap in the face when you consider how regis and geralt fought side by side at stygga. to even think that regis is somehow untrustworthy tbh literally goes against everything in the books -- in the saga, regis is depicted as yes, a very powerful being, but one that has deep intelligence, emotions, and alliances to geralt and the hansa... when he uses his powers and fights in the saga, it was not only rare, but only ever for Good, to save ciri and yennefer. and he was completely in control of himself and his powers... even when drunk at stygga. not to mention regis was even a self-described ‘coward’ and felt it necessary to avoid battle and conflict because he disliked it so. so when in blood & wine, regis fights during capture the castle like it’s nothing, that’s so alien to his character, idk how to even describe it. he just brushes it off like “looked like you needed a hand, we thought we’d stop by” instead of like, whoa. this is a big sacrifice he’s making by putting himself into this conflict, because he loathes violence. of course there’s also the issue with la cage au fou where regis is shown as Bestially Untrustworthy because he Can’t Control His Powers but those issues have already been discussed.........

also it’s tiring how it’s lazily attempted to explain that vampires aren’t just horrific thirsty beasts of the night and then toussaint is sacked by vampires like a week later. the showing was more impactful than the telling here

back to dettlaff’s inconsistent characterization, it’s annoying how he doesn’t get a chance to explain his thoughts and worries and grievances like syanna does, but also it’s annoying how he’s shown as such a caring person for those he loves (asking syanna if shes okay, feeling guilty that he couldnt rescue her sooner, regretting not being there for her...) but then when he’s betrayed he immediately goes to “sack the city until i can murder this bitch” which is like...... okay, i get it, scorpio vibes, but it doesn’t really make sense without some kind of dialogue between dettlaff and geralt. the player would have to stop and really mull this logic over (it does make sense, but you have to think about it... dettlaff would want to murder syanna because she had him murder those close to him anyways, and dettlaff didn’t know (and never finds out, actually) that the knights were bad people deserving of death anyways). i feel like if dettlaff knew the reality about the knights, then he wouldn’t want to murder syanna....... he would be mad that she didnt communicate with him in the first place, but at least he wouldnt be assuming that he murdered innocents. from dettlaff’s perspective, syanna is a killer who killed some of his best friends, but as the player, we never get to even interact with him or his feelings about the subject. instead we’re faced with an unnecessary dichotomy between the two of them which ends in tears and bloodshed either way, and it’s unsatisfying.

#thoughts #tw3 #bw #regis #dettlaff #omfg big fucking rant goodbye lol #i spent like an hour writing this all out o h my god

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sadtobad · 3 years

Text

unedited 1

this a little ting ting different from numbered posts.

ur gal got many issues; thru these post we will discuss them as they do come up in my head like word vom. i have been learning and unlearning since very young. i still remember, one of the first lessons i ever learnt; i told someone a secret that was shared with me and it ended up in so many altercations and sit-downs and that was, traumatizing really. since then i have analyzed pretty much every social interaction in my head. This can get hella tiring. it can sometimes feel like burning out your own brain, hence the weed, no pun intended lol

this yr, one of my main lessons has been self love. no cap it has been an uphill battle. realizing that self love and self care actually suck. facing my problems head on and being honest with myself, my self worth and getting rid of things that don't serve that - including my first love - has actually sucked so much. uh ohhhh.

i laugh now because i have cried enough. its hard when you have to face a fact that cuts so deep and ruins the reality you've made up in ur head, in order to move forward in the present moment. i became stagnant and forgot i was number one. little things i would always do for myself, came second to me showing up for this dude. he hurt my heart and still now he loves me but doesn't care and that is a fact that i must accept. why should i expect him to be anything other than he is right in this moment. i ask few of my closest friends for their honesty based on skewed stories. i wouldnt say the whole truth because i know in my heart that his actions were 100% trash. every bad bitch has to go thru that sad shit and i think i did great, i take pride in where i am now mentally and emotionally; i also take responsibility at the end of the day for making a meal out of crumbs every time. i was starving and relying on him to feed me in that relationship but bitch where? what do u expect?

im actually quite a smart bitch but this guy made me dumb. he still does sometimes. as the saying goes, you can never forget your first love. dude said friends w benefits and still i cant get a text back. im glad tho bc it forces me to get my own shit together on my own. young dude i could be inlove with till the end of my days but ignorance is bliss however that is something i was not blessed with lol.

at the end of the day, i am mostly grateful that in my story, i experienced so many dreams come true with him in our little love story. some people will go through life without feeling that type of love, lust, butterflies, peace, safety. the opportunity to love that deep is what i appreciate the most from him. alas its all love at the end of the day and we still good as friends. lol famous last words.

for my sadbad tings out there, i feel u. do whats best for u. be honest with urself, take ur time and dont be so hard on urself! u r also learning, unlearning and relearning!!!

All my love,

Sadgal xx

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magehand · 7 years

Note

blupjeans is trans representation tho i dont get why people are kicking off about it. barry and lup could also be bi/pan calling it bad bc its het is just not the right way to go about it

im putting this under a readmore because this is more than them being a m/f couple

blupjeans isnt trans representation, lup is, you can headcanon one or both as bi if you want, hell, i hc lup as bi, that isnt the issue here because not a single word out of griffins mouth has been saying if either of them is mga so that isnt representation

like, yes, as a trans person, i am glad that i can name a canon relationship involving an explicitly trans person (especially a trans woman!! its amazing!), but that doesnt mean its automatically good, that doesnt mean that i dont have the right to criticize how griffin blatantly prefers this m/f couple to any of the gay ones in this podcast

carey and killian are an Apology, they dont get the treatment they deserve because he didnt intend for them to be a thing in the first place!! they only exist because he fucked up and he isnt giving them the focus that they rightfully deserve yet he will monologue about how obviously in love a man and a woman are when only one of them has even SAID anything about loving the other, i dont buy for a fucking second that lup would not have had the same sort of talk that barry had with taako, if not even more than that! hes her fucking brother for fucks sake, her twin, they relied on each other and you want me to believe that she didnt say a WORD to him?

lup isnt a character, shes taako but a girl, she has 4 character traits, one of which being that shes, uh, you know, dead? she was introduced as dead and then the next thing we hear about her is that shes trans, like, i wont act like i wasnt ecstatic about a canonically trans character in something that i love, im still happy that she is explicitly trans and that they asked for advice on how to handle it correctly and that its so popular and Shes Explicitly In-Podcast trans, but why the dead girl, why the dead girl who, in present time, serves as a tragic backstory to two men

i love lup, dont get me wrong, but she deserves so much better as do so many characters in this podcast and im not.. angry, per se, im disappointed, it could have been so great but like, lol what do u expect from a cishet white dude that wrote lucas fucking miller

#the adventure zone #the adventure zone spoilers #homophobia #misogyny #ask to tag #idk man theres a lot here im not sure if i hit everything im bad at tagging #Anonymous

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cutebunnys50 · 7 years

Text

tag meme thing (that i started like last week or something idk lol my sense of time is messed up)

Thanks for tagging me Em I’ll do a bit now and finish later ^^ damn. I started brainstorming 5 ships too and then I remembered I’m not asked that. xD thank god when it comes to me I can spend hours… xD

1. What is a song that defined a moment/event in your life? Why? What was that moment/event?

Damn. xD Starting with a hard-hitter. xD I’m trying to think of video game music or something and I guess what keeps coming to mind is Maplestory. xD It defined my childhood, and if you know me, I’m bound to bring it up sometime. xDD whether it’s by a 5 hour talk with @nyashizura or not, it would eventually come up xDD Maplestory opening- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qj4hgJeSe4

2. If you were a Pokemon gym leader/elite four, what type would you specialize in?

Mmmh. I’m really open lol. I’d throw all of my fave Pokemon at you, not paying attention to type. I’m not a strategic player. xD I just like Lucario and Latios and Latias and stuff. xD I almost said water, but honestly, I’d be miscellaneous. xD I’d rather be the adventurer than a gym leader/part of the elite four. xD I get bored waiting around. xD

3. What is your favorite reptile? Why?

I don’t look up specific reptiles so I’m not sure. xD I like a lot of animals. Maybe a turtle or a dragon. xD For turtle, red-eared slider turtle; my turtle. I hope Speedy’s doing okay!

4. What anime archetype do you think you’d fit the best?

Mmmh… In a slice of life anime, I’d be the boke, I suppose? C: And I’d try to be the outgoing, energetic one. I’ll try to make things fun by asking weird questions and getting everyone to think and go along with my random whims. xD Haha, just being with a cool group of friends would make me happy xD so I wouldn’t know _how_ to act. xD bad puns/jokes and trying to brighten/lighten up the atmosphere tho c: also you can come to me for help xD rely on me xD slightly bunmum xD

5. Do you have a favorite font? What is it? Why do you like it?

Fonts are cool xD I used Comic Sans unironically though. xD I liked it because it was simple and easy to read/use. xD Also if something’s controversial, just watch me keep using it. xDD

6. Which post you’ve made yourself on your current URL has received the most notes? When did you make that post? Why did you make it?

Probably would have to be that Madosaya comic I shared with otpprompts. xD It got so many notes because people looked at it and liked it and reblogged it. xD After I shared it, I fled tumblr for a while out of embarrassment and was surprised to come back to like 100+ notes and very nice comments hhhffngsdh, I made that post back in 2014/2015? And I made it because I was influenced by a prompt in otpprompts (I’d surf it all day, thinking about my OTPs) and I was compelled to make a dumb comic and share it with people. xD thank that blog for sharing my art lol

7. European noodle dishes or Asian noodle dishes?

Asian noodle dishes yes I’m love.

8. What is your favorite flavor of juice?

Listen this is so hard ghjflksj?? I like anything that tastes good pls. I love juice in general… apple, grape, orange… I like it all… (listenn i actually take time to think abt these for a while,, , aahh)

9. Which brand of ballpoint pen is your favorite?

No idea I don’t use pens. xD Pencil ftw xD

10. Have you ever traveled outside your home country? If yes, where have you been? If no, why not?

Yea, to China. I wanna travel more. It’d be cool. xD What if I studied overseas or somethin’ hmhm…

11. Contemporary of Victorian architecture/interior? Why?

Man I ain’t good at architecture even If it’s pretty and a valid form of art! idk man. we haven’t covered that in AP Art History exactly yet xD

10 Facts about me

1. I like to think I’m chill but apparently I’m not I guess lol I just bottle it all up inside and get really agitated/irritated easily if you know where to push my buttons. xD When something doesn’t go my way I get really frustrated/angry to the point that I could start crying lol tb to when I was like in 5th grade or something and I started crying bc I couldn’t get this one long division problem right despite doing it two times. xD (it was resolved.) Old habits die hard I guess. xD

2. don’t get me started on art… (I love it)

3. I’m very lazy I just went back to filling out this meme and I’m not gonna write as much as I intended to xD

4. I’m love girls.

5. I stole my brother’s cat lol

6. I wanna play the trombone

7. im married to my computer we’ve been together for 4+ years

8. Maplestory is my lif e

9. i like to observe things from the side without being directly involved. I make a lot of observations about the other person in my head and make note of small things. The small things are important too lol.

10. I’m very passionate and energetic, I like to think ( owo )b even tho I can be sidetracked/distracted easily/lose interest easily/procrastinate, I’m serious about stuff when I’m serious!! I don’t necessarily have to mention the thing one million times to get the point across, but believe me inside me I have the blazing flames of passion. My obsessions don’t die down; they’re only put on the backburner for a bit and they can be reactivated very hard. xD like my surge of Touhou again xD

My questions:

1. Do you have any pets? Tell me about them! :D

2. Do you have a favorite season and why?

3. What do you think is one of your defining traits? (If someone described you to another person, what would they say/what do people associate you with?)

4. Do you have a favorite object/thing? (toy, clothing, blanket, etc.) Why is it important to you and what is it? A person is fine too. ^^

5. Do you have a favorite emoticon/emoji? What is it?

6. What’s your favorite animal?

7. Do you have a favorite quote? What is it? (Whether it be out of context or inspirational or anything xD)

8. What is your opinion of art?

9. How do you like to spend your free time?

10. If you could visit any place right now, where would you like to go?

11. What is your favorite song? List one of them! :D

Tagging all my mutuals ig? xD @latimerlink @mikantrapper too lazy to list everyone out im sorry i dont wanna leave anyone out xD

#someone tagged me #tag meme thing

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ts-2020-olympics · 4 years

Text

Episode 11 - “I’m Winning This Hoe” - Karen (MERGE)

I’m really fucking mad at Nicole, first she fucked us over in the music challenge. And then she stole my vote? Bitch better be ready to go home

Low-key, I don't really care if I win anymore but I'm rooting for Stoner or Jordan 🤙 The old opposing team trying to be all sneaky and send all the good mornings to keep tabs on me is really annoying. Like, I get that it's more a social contest the later in the game but, eh. Shoo shoo.

Hello, welcome to my moral dilemma. I’ve been kind of quiet in these confessionals because in short everyone hates me, but here’s the situation now. I think they’re going to vote me out, but I have something up my sleeve. *Pulls my tribal skip out of my sleeve for dramatic affect* If this was real survivor Jeff Probst would make them roll back the tape because I forgot to tell you I found this. Anyway. So I found this little tribal skip, BUT I’m really worried about using it. I have a lot of moral issues right now and I don’t know what to do. Jacob is safe, so that’s good. But, there’s bigger problems at large. If I use it, and nobody was voting me, I essentially waste it. But if they are voting me, I waste it AND die. I can play it for three more rounds and what if I need it in the upcoming ones? It’s also the fact that if I jump out of tribal, Kevin would probably go. I’m just nervous. I hope he has something he can use and they get Tommy or Sammy instead. I’m just really nervous. Jordan told me he wants to vote Kevin and I don’t know if I tell him or not. This is a LOT on my mind. Either way I want to use the tribal skip but, I’m nervous I’ll be leaving my allies without a vote and that could change everything. They might also be resentful next round. I’m just....SO STUCK. But I’ll be back with more info later, toodles.

Super excited to be back with Jordan, he’s my main bish and I missed him. After last tribal I’m having a rough time trusting literally anyone because everyone on my old tribe lied to my face

For starters, Pete got voted out the past round, feel a little bad, because I know he was really dedicated towards this game. However, just didn't have trust with him, and wanted to keep in my ally of Tommy a little bit longer, because I find Tommy is a good shield for me to try hiding behind for this merge. Now, Jacob won Immunity, which is fine, I didn't want Jacob going anywhere yet anyways, then Caeleb is also immune due to the gold medal, again it's fine, as Caeleb wouldn't have been my pick of who to go either. Anyways, it's merge now, so I know I got to step up my game a bit, however, I think it's more ideal to try staying under the radar the first couple rounds of merge, just to kind of find a good footing with people, as don't want to start making moves too early, as that could cost me in the future. I need to keep as much trust with people as I can, and that's what I intend to do until the time is right to betray the trust. Lastly, Eve and I talked about how us newbies are all basically getting picked off 1 by 1, so we think it's ideal that us 4 remaining newbies, (Myself, Eve, Sarah & Emma,) all try to stick together to get out some of these returnees, because if another newbie goes out this round, that makes it harder for the remaining newbies. As well, we still have all 5 past winners in this game, and I'm pretty sure nobody wants to go to the end with past winners, except for maybe the other past winners. For now though, just going with the flow, and going to make my strike when I feel the time is right.

youtube

The hunger games are really getting crazy in here

HELLO MERGE! Ugh I’m shook I made it this far but not really bc I’m winning this hoe. So ummmm last round em was coming for my wig but I said no! And now Pete is gone lol. Now this first tribal after merge....its gonna be messy or at least the lead up maybe if people stare scrambling. So I have myself in a tricky spot.... i have me, nicole and Kevin in one three person alliance, me, tommy and Darcy in another three person alliance, I have stoner who wants to work with me as well as Sammy and jp so like ajdjdjdndjdjdj gtg if people find out that I’m gonna be close with this many people. It also means that I’m gonna start betraying them soon bc that only leaves I think 3 people on the outskirts (Jacob, em and eve). I think I want to vote Jacob soon bc he seems close with nicole and kev and I don’t want that to be detrimental to my game. I’m gonna try to think too far ahead in this game though because i have so many options and that’ll stress me out and make me potentially make a bad decision. As of right now, not many names have been said for a vote, Darcy was thrown out by someone, same with stoner’s name which obviously I would want neither to be voted out, also Kevin’s name was dropped too rip. Everyone seems hesitant to say a name which is like worrying bc now I’m prob gonna be the one saying a name. Right now it may be between eve and em, however I’d lean more towards em only bc she targeted me previously and well, eve and I have a Canadian connection that I think I can build off of. So, I’m telling the two three-person alliances to vote em, and then I have jp telling stoner about the vote and Sammy and caeleb I can probably convince (I totally forgot about caeleb lmao I think we’re good, we do have a connection, however I don’t trust him going further into the game). Anyway, the only issue I have and what I’m scared about is that, of the people who wanted to work with me but haven’t gotten the opportunity to (jp, Sammy, stoner) I don’t know what kinds of allegiances they have to other people so I’m afraid if I say a name they will tell that person and then that person either goes after me or they play some sort of advantage and my plan backfires. I’m too nervous for someone who has so many close ties lol this isn’t fun.

What a crazy vote, if all goes well ill not only still be in the game, but just have been proven that my reach of control is exactly as wide as I need it to be. I think my strategy is to have my hands in as many cookies jars as possible without taking a cookie. I have Stoner and sarah my tight 3. A connection with Eve. An alliance with sammy and Caeleb. A deal with Emma. A pack to work with nicole to keep us threats in the game longer, as well as the first deal im breaking tonihgt which is karen and tommy. Karen threw my name out allegedly this morning to nicole, whether it was halfheartedly or not, it shows they are willing to throw me under the bus and im willing to throw them under it first. How the fallout will go i dont know but I am shook

I made Merge and I survived despite my name getting thrown out last round, and already have 1 bitter juror against me. I'm gonna try to play a more passive game strategically so I don't get targeted as a "threat". Rn my main focus is Darcy and myself, Kevin and myself, Karen and myself, and that's about it everyone else I'm still building relationships with. I'd prefer if we get out someone who was on the 2nd Swap Miraitowa first so that way we have majority until at least Final 10 which would be good. Im just hoping I don't head home. Also I threw immunity cause I didn't wanna be precieved as a challenge threat.

This round I’m really putting most of my trust in caeleb and Jordan’s hands. I’m relying on Kevin for information from the other side. I see several trios which makes me nervous. For example, Jordan/Sarah/Stoner Darcy/Tommy/Karen Nicole/Jacob/Kevin so i think I need to make a group with Emma/Caeleb/Eve. I will admit I made the plan of making Nicole and Kevin paranoid but telling kevin that his name was going around to make Nicole think it was just a side name to make her think she was going home. So it would make them two paranoid in case an idol was in play. But in reality we would just blindside karen. The plan ended up becoming common knowledge unfortunately so I had to backtrack. I hope karen goes but at this point i have no idea. I am also in a rush but i had good convo with Kevin today and i trust him more.

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I have a bad feeling, if this is the end of the road and I end up not using this tribal skip I think I’ll be okay with that. If I use it, everyone is going to be angered with me and my trust will be broken with nearly everyone. It’s a cowardly move and I rather go out taking the risk than ducking from the first merge tribal. I really hope I don’t go because 13th kind of sucks BUT it’s a hell of a lot better than having everyone distrust and hate me going forward. I just want to keep playing 🥺 fuck this is scary.

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