#because the caption is endless but that book is so interesting I feel like quoting every word

[thebreakdownisthebecoming]

just a place to put things.

Once upon a time I had two accounts here. One, a photography blog that was accidently deleted. The other, a yoga blog, intentionally deleted. The yoga blog was called, “the enlightenment of an aspiring yogi,” and for a while, I actually wrote some pretty beautiful posts. And that’s the problem... “for a while.” Everything about my journaling and blogging is just “for a while.” Consistency is my biggest problem. Which is kind of crazy because I like writing (handwriting and typing) and I love reading. And I am introspective to a fault. Literally, introspection to the point of an anxiety disorder, moderate depression, body dysmorphia, and increasingly more social isolation (which I can no longer conveniently blame on COVID and social distancing, etc.)

So what is the problem with journaling (or blogging as I guess this electronic version is technically called)? Well, several:

1. I always think that I need to have a great introduction. Something that states my intentions and in case it ever is read by a wide audience (because who knows who’s scouring the internet) is captivating and charming and vulnerable and leads to a book deal...

2. I get so lost in my thoughts and analyzing my feelings that my ONE thing I was going to write about suddenly turns into 10 tangents and a never ending entry/post that really justifies 10 separate posts yet is just endless rambling.

3. My brain is ACTUALLY hardwired to not start processing anything about myself until it hits the pillow, then suddenly it’s imperative that I get to the core of every thought and feeling I’ve experienced not only in that day, but my entire lifetime.

4. I actually do a lot better making connections or “assessing the damage” or “realizing my triggers and traumas” or whatever you want to label it, when I am talking- usually out loud to myself in the car.

This last point is actually the most important I think. Even though I know I’m not, I feel like I am the only person that out of the blue will start talking to myself as if another person is in the room with me, telling them about something that hurt or bothered me, today or ten years ago. Just pick up middle of an ongoing conversation I didn’t even know I was having with my subconscious and suddenly have it RIGHT NOW. And it has to be that unplanned element that is the magic of it; when my brain starts putting things together and it all comes pouring out of... my head? my heart? my mouth. Because the minute I tell myself, “no we’re going to think about/work though/handle this situation or feeling” or “we’re going to write about this later...” no more magic. It’s suddenly a thing we have to do.

I also get frustrated because I feel like I’m not explaining it well. If anyone were ever to read this, people today are NOT interested in reading long anythings. We want headlines, quotes, 30 second videos, “stories,” captions... Which means that the space and words you do get, you better make sure you are picking the absolute right ones to get your point across. And that’s a lot of pressure. I know we’ve all heard that when we feel alone in our thoughts/feelings it simply isn’t true because so many can relate... which is hard, because our pain and our stories are just that, OURS, but the bigger sentiment is that we’ve all felt pain and we all want that to be recognized. And to do that, we want to find the words that are uniquely ours. 

The things is, I think there’s a lot of value to journaling (whether others read it or not.) I think I’m programmed to write for an audience, like this post is talking to you not me. Realistically, I know I will be the only one who ever knows of it’s existence and that’s ok. The value is not in how many people read and respond (which is hard to remember in our world of likes and follows) but in creating a space for myself. A place to tackle a thought, leave fresh ones, maybe eventually look back and see a bigger picture, or growth, or healing.

I’ve collected some prompts for myself which I think might be the best way to tackle this (although free form is also “allowed.) And I like the idea of typing because faster and no hand cramps, hello Millennial. 

Here now is also the pressure for the perfect closing- the end to this post but the beginning of a new habit or journey or something... (still doubtful of my consistency.) But here’s the thing, this is just space, and it’s going to treated as such. Space to lay down any words, any thoughts... and to see what’s there when you step back, also what’s there when you get up close and start sifting through. Just a place to put things for now...

#journaling #journal #blog #blogging #blogpost #journalingcommunity #journalingyourway #journalprompts #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #journalingtherapy #journalingmylife

[littlenancydrewthings]

#cluecrewquestionnaire

No one tagged me but I want to do it sooooo

rules: copy and paste, answer the questions, tag 10 people to do the same!

1. What is your favorite Nancy Drew game and why?

ASH 5ever, for reasons I’ve already subjected you to endless gushing about over the years. SHA, because I’m from/in soulmates with the Southwest (the same part of Arizona, actually) and the game captures it perfectly, and is perfect in every other way. MHM, because you can’t beat a quintessential haunted Victorian, and for nostalgia reasons mentioned below.

2. Have you played all 32 games in the series? If not, which ones haven’t you played? If yes, which one did you play first?

All except the original Secrets Can Kill. My first was MHM in 2001. I’d read some of the books, and I’ve always been intensely obsessed with ghosts and mysteries in general, so the title and cover caught my eye at the store. The screenshots in the fold-out cover with their eerie captions captured my imagination. After that it was all I could think about. I talked about it every day for weeks, until eventually I came home from playing and found it sitting on my bed. We couldn’t afford it and I didn’t really expect to get it, so I was beyond excited. Playing in the dark that night was magical. Now I hunt ghosts in Gettysburg with access to an endless supply of haunted houses, but the Golden Gardenia is my favorite.

3. What is your favorite quote from any character in the series?

“It’ll be brief, painful, and full of garbage, but that’s life, isn’t it?” “It’s good to know you’re keeping the mean streets of Pancake City free from crime!” Everything Alexei says.

4. If you could change the ending to any game, which one would it be (no spoilers, though)?

The Silent Spy would have a satisfying ending that did justice to the deep and complex story it had up until then, instead of the rushed, haphazard nonsense we got.

5. Which game is your least favorite, and why?

MED is possibly the absolute worst, for too many reasons to unpack in a paragraph.

6. Which character is your favorite? Why?

do I even need to say it

7. Which character is your least favorite? Why?

Rick Arlen and Tino Balducci. I’ve had to deal with so many of that brand of sleazebag in real life, they make my blood boil. Not in a good way, like how Toni Scallari and Brenda Carlton are entertaining to interact with while being horribly repugnant.

8. How do you feel about the whole Nancy/Ned vs. Nancy/Frank situation? Do you ship her with someone else? Who, and why?

I don’t think Nancy is particularly interested in either of them, or in settling down at all. To be honest, I like the idea of Nancy casually hooking up with hot people she meets on cases, then dashing. I’m especially fond of the idea of her and Zoe having an ongoing rivals-with-benefits thing.

9. Do you have any fun headcanons about any of the games or characters?

Until we met him in person, I used to headcanon that the reason we could never quite catch up with Sonny Joon was because he was on the space station. Jamila blogs about classic sci-fi. My crack headcanon about Alexei being a serial killer is a running joke among my entire household. And in my mind, practically every character is queer.

10. If you could visit any of the game locations, which ones and why?

Japan is my #1 travel goal, so the Ryokan Hiei would be first. I would love to be in Nancy’s shoes when there are no other guests left and she has the whole place to herself. Iceland is my #2 travel goal. I’d own the Golden Gardenia, because it ticks every box on my ultimate fantasy home checklist. I'd spend a couple days at Thornton Hall with my ghost hunting squad. I’d deliberately book a room at Wickford Castle when there was a snowstorm forecast, and do exactly what you do in the game. Shadow Ranch, because out in the middle of the Southwest desert is my place. Alexei’s shop, where we would complain for hours while I bought everything in sight.

11. Did you read any of the original Nancy Drew books? If yes, do you like them? If no, would you consider reading one?

Yeah, I started reading them shortly before I discovered the games. They have that old-fashioned charm, and I enjoy the detailed descriptions of Nancy’s outfits and Hannah’s meals. But they’re also super formulaic and frequently racist. Most of my favorite books are more recent. I particularly love Lights, Camera... and the sequel Action! They’re begging to be adapted for a game.

12. What is one thing any good detective can’t live without?

I’m gonna copy and paste what @nancydrewcomplex​ said, because it’s on point... “A smartphone for taking notes, allowing friends to find your location when you are inevitably kidnapped or entombed, social media stalking your suspects, some quick research, and most importantly the camera for swiftly taking pictures of evidence and journal pages and things you otherwise can’t risk taking the time to read at that very moment.”

13. Which game had the best soundtrack?

CLK’s use of the 1930s sound is 👌👌👌 FIN's music couldn’t be more perfect for a darkened historic theater. It’s mysterious, magical and haunting, like remnants of the music that played in the theater during its 1910s heyday. I love how CAR has carousel music not just on the ride itself, but worked into the many of the songs. Sometimes it’s creepy, sometimes dreamy, like the ballroom theme, which evokes ghostly ladies and gentlemen waltzing around the haunted house that was once the Galaxy Ballroom. And of course, MHM’s soundtrack is a classic. It captures the feeling that the mansion is an isolated bubble of its own history and secrets, unconcerned with the world passing by outside. I love that each room has its own theme, like characters, from the eerily faded saloon music in the basement to the Chinese room to the dark, forgotten sound of the attic.   

14. What is one thing you wish HER would’ve included in any of the games (a conversation, interaction, location, feature, etc)?

More recurring characters. So many of them are way too great to only use once. Also more background on everyone. A big part of the reason I love Alexei so much is that he’s one of the few characters we get extensive background details on.

15. Do you have any ideas for a future game? What is it?

Tons! I’ve posted a couple, with plans for many more.

16. How long does it take you to finish a game from start to finish?

Depending on how many times I’ve played it, anywhere from two to eight hours. Hard to fathom now that my first playthrough of MHM took months. I didn’t yet have the internet to find a walkthrough and would put it aside for awhile when I got really stuck.

17. Did any of the games scare you? If yes, which ones? If no, why?

My first time playing MHM, the “I see you” on the stairs scared me so bad that I never used those stairs again, I took the creaky ones every time. The dog attack in Ghost Dogs scared me to death as a kid. Being outside when the howling started and Red saying “get back in the house” was super effective. It’s hard to scare me anymore, yet I dread going near the burned out ruins in GTH. The bad vibes are so oppressive it’s like static electricity.

18. Why did you join the Nancy Drew fandom here on tumblr?

I didn’t know there was one when I started this blog. I’d seen other “_______ things” blogs and kept thinking of Nancy Drew things. I doubted there were any other serious fans, let alone adults, but figured I’d make the blog anyway if only for my own enjoyment. I was thrilled to hit 20 followers. I was totally blindsided by how fast it took off. I’m continuously grateful and amazed by how good my experience of this fandom has been.

19. What is your favorite Nancy Drew joke (from in-game or even floating around the internet)?

I get a kick out of how SPY is the Ascended Meme game. I did not expect how feelsy they managed to make the horse shirt.

20. Who is someone in the clue crew you’ve always wanted to get to know?

Everyone I used to follow has left :’(

21. What are three unpopular opinions you hold about the games?

Ned is annoying and bland af. I don’t mind Fox and Geese. I’m okay with Nancy getting a new voice actress (not that we’ll ever hear her).

22. Do you have any fun theories about any of the games?

I know the dates don’t line up, but I love the theory about Lizzie Applegate and Diego Valdez being Frances and Dirk under new identities. The prop lady is Nancy as an old lady, which is why the prop room is full of souvenirs from her cases. Aunt Eloise writes about Nancy’s adventures under the pen name Carolyn Keene, hence the box of yellow-spined books in her house.

23. Who was your favorite animal character featured in the games?

Iggy with his tiny outfits >w<

24. Do other people in your life know about your love for Nancy Drew?

To know me is to know about it. It’s too important to keep on the DL. And I’ve gotten all my siblings and even an in-law into it, so no one’s judging.

25. How long have you been playing these games?

Since 2001, when I was nine.

Anyone who wants to do this, consider yourself tagged!

#nancy drew #cluecrewquestionnaire #personal

[belardtheworld]

Do you believe that… everything happens for a reason?

We make so many decisions in life – we are bound to reach a crossroad at some point of life, and feel torn by the many options that life has for us.

When you’re in school, we are constantly faced with these questions: What subjects should I take? What course? What school to apply to?

When we graduate, the pressing question is, which industry do I delve into? What jobs do I apply? Which jobs do I accept?

Sunset at Hakodate, Hokkaido

Do you sometimes feel at a loss?

Oh darling, you are not alone. I feel this way way too often.

I like to believe that everything happens for a reason. Every setback, every challenge, every dilemma, every obstacle, every opportunity, everyone that enters your life. Everyone that leaves. You might not see it now, but when the time is right, on hindsight, you’ll come to realize that these situations were all touch points in your life, to get to where you eventually will be.

Something major has happened in my life recently. One that has shifted the gears of my universe. Just when I thought life is all panned out for me, I realize life is, once again, unpredictable. As I sit at the Club Lounge of Oasia Hotel Downtown at Level 21 alone overlooking Singapore’s skyline, I am pensive once again.

I am not preaching a certain religion – I grew up with the mindset to depend on oneself. While I won’t deny that there may be works of fate at play, I truly believe that you are what you make yourself to be. This particular quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald rings very true:

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” —F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Growing up – making decisions

Visiting Cambodia’s temples.

From the moment I reached the age where I had to make important decisions in my life, I never really knew what I wanted. I chose a secondary school and junior college where I fulfilled their minimum criteria, period. In secondary school, I chose the triple science stream not because I was in love with the sciences, but simply because I could. It was only then did I find out how little affinity I have with Physics.

I encountered girls who used me as a subject of gossip. (What’s high school without a little drama?) In that naive 13-year-old frame of mind, I turned to Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends & Influence People, and it changed my perspective completely. I went through a period where I delved deep into the throes of self-help books on goal-setting, forming habits (The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg) and the likes.

Somewhere between the ages of 17 and 18, I experienced my first love. I fell in love and fell out of love. I was deeply hurt and experienced the lowest point in my life from a love betrayed. More than reprimanding my poor choice or hating my then-lover, I’d evolved to grow from this.

Visiting NYC’s Strand bookstore.

Even my choice of university was based on elimination (“no thanks, boring lectures and business modules”, “no numbers please”, “zero interest in law or engineering”, “for the life of me, I wouldn’t survive medicine”), which eventually landed me in social sciences in Singapore Management University. At least one thing’s for sure – I can, and will, write.

On a side note, I’ve finally graduated from university officially, on 14 July 2017!!

Of course, not every decision can be made through elimination. When I had to submit my university choice for an overseas exchange program, there were so many factors to consider! It was almost overwhelming.

Cost of living, degree of culture immersion, safety, weather, language barrier, distance to town, number of slots available, the types of subjects to take, subjects that are available AND relevant to my course of work, the partner school’s reputation… The list is endless. Even the littlest details matter – Are the locals friendly? Is it a party scene? Is going to school accessible? Will my dorm be liveable?

Exchange in France – The 6 months that made me figure out what I want

The prettiest sights in Colmar, France!

Then there would be situations that befall you in the unlikeliest situations. Like how my plane lost my luggage en route from Greece to Vienna, or how I was so close to getting raped while Couchsurfing in France. My phone battery dying in the middle of the day, leaving me uncontactable with my Couchsurfing host and completely directionless while I was in Strasbourg. Me missing a bus because I couldn’t understand French. How I ended up with someone I barely knew on the first day I arrived in Paris, and he turned out to be the kindest person I’d ever met during my 6-month sojourn around Europe.

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All these situations happen for a reason, don’t they? You could blame it on the bus captain, or the flight attendant, or the sheer bad luck for encountering bad people. You could stereotype certain people for their actions (or lack thereof). Or you could change your perspective and make the best of every situation.

Without embracing uncertainties, you will never be able to live life to the fullest.

You will never have a story tell, your story to tell. You will never know the ending of “could have been”s. You may never meet your lover, your best friend, or your soulmate. You will never really grow.

That is the reason why I tell people that living abroad for an extended period of time really teaches you about life and changes your perspective. When my feature on a local newspaper came out about my 6-month Europe trip and the revelations I’d experienced, I was really disheartened to hear of comments that say I was sugarcoating my experience, or how I took advantage of the fact that I’m a girl (and hence, are more vulnerable) to curry favours.

My interview with TODAY paper.

If I could convince them, I would have them be in my shoes. Because really, you will never truly understand what I say until you experience it for yourself.

Take it from all the other student travellers I’ve interviewed who’ve studied abroad. We are unanimous about sharing how travelling has changed us, and how this experience can even attract prospective employers (well, it worked for me!).

The best part is, you don’t need to be rich to experience all this – just utilise student perks!

It’s okay not to know

Cannes, France

All I really want to drive across is, it’s okay not to know what you are in for. Even the most rational person cannot make a fully informed decision, no matter how logical they are. We simply make the best of what we have.

People tell me I’m lucky I found something I’m passionate about. I tell them, you’ll eventually find your life’s purpose. If you ask me, how did I get to where I am today? Did I know what I want very early on?

When I first started my first job in the communications/ media industry, I didn’t know what I was in for. I only knew I liked writing, hence I landed a role in Gushcloud, doing content writing. It was then that I was first exposed to the world of social media and influencer marketing. I learned how much potential it has to drive business and influence decisions. Prior to that, I was against sharing my personal life in public.

Taking a leave of absence from university to do a stint in Ogilvy Public Relations exposed me to the world of journalists, writers and content producers. Experiences like these provided the impetus for me to take my personal travel blog to a more professional level, and create more informational and inspirational pieces to benefit readers like yourself.

Along the way, I learned all about what makes content work, how to effectively manage social media, photography, videography, SEO, business development and working with other brand entities through first-hand experience and experimenting. My school didn’t teach me any of these; I picked them all up as I went about building Bel Around The World.

I simply follow my interests – in writing and in travel.

Hiking in Flores, Indonesia

Some get it all figured out in the early onset of life. Others just take more time to discover themselves. It’s a process of self-discovery.

Take the time to listen to yourself.

What drives you? What interests you? What do you lose sleep for? What puts you off? Are there instances where you are filled with positivity or other times when you feel like nothing can be worse than being stuck in certain situations or with certain people?

Do I really know what I want?

Chasing cherry blossoms in Hakodate, Hokkaido

Heck, even today, I still don’t. Yet, there are instances where I’ve done things I am proud for. I can make my own decisions, I am more confident of myself than I ever was, and through trial and error, I have a clearer idea of what I don’t want.

Whatever you decide, don’t stay because you are afraid of change, saying goodbye, or ending up alone. There is nothing more harmful to your heart and soul than sharing them with someone not meant for you. – Beau Taplin

We accept the love we think we deserve. You deserve the best love you can give yourself.

How do you make the important decisions in your life? I’d love to know I’m not the only one struggling with life’s decisions. 🙂 

Torn By Decisions? My Advice for 20-Somethings, Through My Life’s Lessons Do you believe that... everything happens for a reason? We make so many decisions in life - we are bound to reach a crossroad at some point of life, and feel torn by the many options that life has for us.

[tessatechaitea]

Justice League #20

All of the Batmen are just pretending to be dead.

Totally inappropriate time to be quoting a cartoon, dude.

It's too bad I just scanned that picture because there's a wayward comma in the dialogue on the next page. Man, I would have really skewered Bryan Hitch in the caption of that one! After the guy uses his Cosmic Jackhammer, Barry flashes back to breakfast with Jessica. But in the flashback, he's all, "Wait. Didn't we already do this?" Then the cafe explodes in that way that cafes explode when somebody just outside of them begins using a Cosmic Jackhammer. The guy is still whinging on about his terrible life. "You killed her, killed them, took all I had away." Blah blah blah! Hopefully he's just insane and not another villain who became a villain because the Justice League failed to save the people he loved. I only mention that because Bryan Hitch has shown he's only capable of writing two stories. One story is where the Justice League believe a person is good and then find out the person is bad and have to stop them. The other story is how a bad person became bad because good guys didn't save his or her family personally. Sometimes both stories get combined into one story so it almost looks like Bryan Hitch knows how to write a third story.

Well, at least we know which story this is now.

It looks like Flash is going to have to Memento through this one as the Cosmic Jackhammer disrupts the way time flows around him. But I guess he's immune to it because of his link with the Speed Force giving him the ability to time travel. Now as the story plays backwards, it will give The Flash a chance to find out why this guy is so angry. Then he'll be able to stop the thing that caused this from happening and all of this will never have happened and Jessica won't die. Now that I've figure it out, can I stop reading it? Do I get a pass? Barry winds up screaming at Jess to not die and lying to her about getting help. Then the angry guy uses his Cosmic Jackhammer again and time reverses even further back in the story. It's a good thing time is flowing this way or else The Flash would never know how to deal with the conflict that needs to be dealt with in this plot. He's lucky he gets another chance at saving the woman he loves unlike that guy in Memento who can only manipulate events over and over again so that he feels some satisfaction in avenging the death of the woman he loved even though his ultimate goal is to save her life which he can't do. That's why he'll never fill that space on his chest with that tattoo declaring he did the thing he can't ever do. When he finally gets far enough in the past, The Flash winds up warning the Justice League about this guy and his Cosmic Jackhammer. So they go to stop him and — guess what?! — they cause the disaster that kills his family by trying to stop the disaster that kills his family! Oh, time travel! What a capricious beast you are! Now how is The Flash going to stop this from happening?! Oh! I know! More time travel! The Ranking! -2! Here is a story that never needs to be told again: something happens that shouldn't have happened so somebody uses time travel to stop it from happening and succeeds so that the bad thing never actually happened. If you don't write that story, it's the same as having written that story. So please stop writing that story.

#Justice League #Bryan Hitch #Daniel Henriques #Other artists uncredited on the cover #Alex Sinclair #DC Comics

[the-record-columns]

May 3, 2017: Columns

Two 20-second sales seminars...

By KEN WELBORN

Record Publisher

We are all selling in one form or another every day.

We are selling ourselves or a product or both. As a kid growing up on Hinshaw Street, there wasn't a lot of ways for a kid to make money, but we worked at it. My family didn't have a power lawn mower, so yard work was out, but I found that every family could always use a few more 10 cent potholders. Our family friend Wilma Prevette supplied me with an endless supply of loops from a textile plant in town and I was in business. Potholders were easy to sell door to door to friends and strangers, and had the added benefit that you could watch cartoons while making them.

A bit later came my stint with the Greensboro Daily News where my route manager always sent five extra papers a day to “sample” new prospects with. I also sold Betty Baker's, The Wilkes Record as well as the Journal Patriot in the years before high school; followed by bagging groceries for Mr. Ball at the Thrift Super Market, and later selling pots and pans door-to-door to young working girls. You need to think about that pots and pans thing—in 1966, the heat of summer, a '57 Studebaker with no air conditioning. No training either, unless you count the admonition not to put your foot in the door. Two guys got their leg broke the summer before trying to sell cookware to strangers for $319.95.

That was not a typo--$319.95. I would pray before I knocked on the door that the girls daddy would not be home, because that scenario so often ended with a stern “Get off my porch boy.”

As an adult, I landed a job with Paul Cashion working in advertising at his radio station WWWC, then a Top 40 giant in Wilkes (see April 12 column). One of my best customers, and a friend as long as he lived, was the Lowes Hardware store manager at the time, B. J. Bare. In those days the store manager basically ran a small business from top to bottom, with authority and flexibility rarely seen today.

It was on one of my visits to B. J. Bare’s office, then on Elkin Highway 268 East in North Wilkesboro, that he sent me to school. He had placed an order for the weekend and I was trying to up-sell him into buying more. It was pretty clear he wasn't interested, but for whatever reason I chose to be a bit persistent. It was at this point that he turned his chair around and said he had some advice for me. It was, in a nutshell, that “...when you get the order, you hush and you leave—there will always be next time for a bigger order.” I felt my face turning red--then and now--but it is very true that many sales are made and lost all in the same sales call. Clearly, I appreciate B. J.'s advice to this day.

Another man who helped me learn about sales was the late J. T. Vannoy with Vannoy & Lankford Plumbing when they were still operating out of an old building at the top of Second Street Hill in North Wilkesboro. In the 70's my brother, T. A., and I had a few houses we rented out, and one Saturday morning I went to Vannoy & Lankford to buy some parts. This was during the time I loosely refer to as my drinking days, so there is no telling what I looked like that morning. I do know that both my hands were bleeding where I had pulled the wrench too hard under an old cast-iron sink and J. T. took note of that. He put his hand on my shoulder and said, “I am going to make you a deal: I promise not to try to sell any advertising if you'll quit trying to be a plumber.” I can still see that smile; I made the deal; and it is still a good deal for my knuckles and my mental health to this day.

And then there is the sign at Vannoy & Lankford. Again, at the old location, posted just outside the door to J. T. Vannoy's little white pine paneled office The sign featured a shaggy-haired, bearded , Neanderthal-looking character with what could have been a dinosaur bone in one hand. The caption read simply, “Sampson slew 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of and ass.” Just under that statement, it continued, “...and 10,000 sales are killed the same way every day.”

B. J. Bare and J. T. Vannoy remained my friends, and I felt very close to both for the rest of their lives. Many is the time I have quoted each of them and thanked them for the two “20-Second Sales Seminars,” that have held me in good stead for over 45 years.

  What to say when people are grieving

By LAURA WELBORN

Although I have experienced sudden death of my father and husband and long term illness of my mother, I still do not know what to say when others are going through loss.

Inevitably I worry about saying the wrong thing and resort to not saying anything - which I do not think is the answer either.  Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant have recently written a book titled “Option B facing adversity, building resilience and finding joy.”

Sandberg talks about how hard it is when people avoid the subject, but on the other side asking “what happened?” Or “how are you doing?” does not seem to an automatic answer that does not acknowledge how shattered you are.  I couldn’t agree more but even though I have experienced loss I am the world’s worse comforter.  Loss becomes like the elephant in the room with people either dancing around the loss or opening you up to “explaining and then jumping in the hole of “too much information” or the standard one word answer of “okay.”  People genuinely are doing their best and trying not to bring on more pain yet provide comfort.  And I often find myself doing the exact same thing when I avoid saying anything or ask the standard “how are you” question.  

Sometimes it’s the standard “it’s going to be ok” response but how does anyone know it’s going to be ok?  When I put my dog to sleep I keep repeating to her “it’s going to be ok” and then I felt like such a heel because I did not know for sure it was going to be ok and I was essentially taking away her life.  

So what do we say?  Sandberg talks about a friend who had cancer and she handled it differently by saying “I know you don’t know yet what will happen and neither do I.  But you won’t go through this alone.  I will be there with you every step of the way.”  By saying this it was an acknowledgement of the stressful and scary situation and yet doing something by checking in regularly. Checking in I have found to mean the quick little conversations that do not demand anything but acknowledgement of the pain.

Sandberg talks about finally figuring out that you can acknowledge the elephant in the room and give people permission to ask questions and talk about how they feel about your loss (not a replay of someone in their life who has had the same experience).  Stick to the person involved as it is too much to think about someone else’s loss. Giving people time, but not too much time before talking about it is important.  I have found that sometimes it is waiting for the right time, where you are just out having fun with someone and then letting them talk when they are ready.  Just getting out is important.  My mother was a widow at 57 and she told me when I was a widow at 43 to never refuse an invitation, because once you do it is so easy to retreat and others take that as a signal and don’t invite you out to a group again.  That was good advice and I often repeat it.  “Make yourself go out- maybe a short amount of time, but go.”

A small thing like hugging someone tighter lets them know you appreciate them caring without the words.  Intentional caring and letting someone know you care can be done without words.

Cards, flowers, “porch gifts” left on a doorstep let someone know you care without the stress of talking about it. “Until we acknowledge it the elephant is always there.  By ignoring it, those in pain isolate themselves and those who could offer comfort create distance instead. Both sides need to reach out.  Speaking with empathy and honesty is a good place to start.”

The book by Sandberg and Grant “Option B” is about putting yourself out there and meeting it head on.  I found that to be the best road and although there will be moments of uncomfortableness, you will be giving people an opening to help.

 Celebrating Our Mothers

By CARL WHITE

Life in the Carolinas

I think it’s safe to say that most of us love our mothers.  If you are a frequent reader of my somewhat organized words, it’s not difficult to know when I’m reminiscing about my sweet mother. The passing of time has mellowed the heartache of not having her on earth now. However, I miss her every day. I have also noticed that it is only her good that I remember so maybe she was a saint.

She always put others first and especially her family, that’s just the way she lived her life. It is not odd for me to meet someone who was inspired by her kind way of being. That’s just the way mom was.

The fortunate among us enjoy the love of a caring mother or the memories of that wonderful mom in our lives. The world is made better by caring mothers. I know we love our Dads, but this story is about the moms in our lives.

One would think that the honoring of our Mothers with an official day would be a logical conclusion. However, it was not quick or easy. More than 40 countries around the world honor mothers with a special day and in the United States the story about Mother’s Day is fascinating.

As with most things it all started with someone’s idea.

In 1905 Anna Jarvis led the effort to establish Mother’s Day as an official US holiday. She was inspired by her mother Anna Marie Reeves Jarvis who was a peace activist who among other things cared for soldiers on both sides of the American Civil War. Anna Marie also created Mother’s Day Work Clubs in the 1850s, to teach women proper child-care techniques and sanitation methods.

It’s interesting that the mother that inspired the holiday used the term Mother’s Day for the Work Clubs more than half a century before our American Mother’s Day become an official US Holiday.

Anna Marie died in 1905, and it was in that same year that her daughter Anna Jarvis started the process to get Mother’s Day officially on the books. In 1908 the US Congress would not entertain the idea with some saying if we have a Mother’s Day we will also have a need to have a Mother-in-law's Day.

However, on a local level, the first official Mother’s Day celebration took place in the southern state of West Virginia in 1908.

The celebration was in the form of a memorial for Anna Reeves Marie Jarvis by her daughter Anna Jarvis. It was held in Grafton, West Virginia at St. Andrews Methodist Episcopal Church, which is now known as the "mother church" of Mother's Day, and was incorporated as the International Mother's Day Shrine on May 15, 1962, as a tribute to all mothers.

With Anna’s continued efforts by 1911, all US states would recognize Mother’s Day as a State holiday, and in 1914 President Woodrow Wilson signed a proclamation designating Mother’s Day, held on the 2nd Sunday in May, as a national holiday to honor mothers.

It was certainly a great day of celebration for Anna. However, as time passed, she became frustrated with exploiting the holiday for profit. She felt that companies had lost sight of the sentiment and turned to greed.

The same lady who fought the battle to recognize our dear mothers now found herself in a great fight. Anna would now spend her time protesting various aspects of what had become the commerce side of Mother’s Day. She would be arrested in the mid-1920’s for disturbing the peace when protesting the selling of Mother’s Day carnations by the American War Mothers.

As we all know life takes all types of twists and turns and in the South many great things have are inspired, invented and shared with the world. The problem being we don’t always like it when people try to change it.

I am grateful for my mother and all the wonderful mothers who care about doing good. I don’t mind folks selling things that we can buy and give to our moms, however, if your mom is anything like mine was, the thing she wanted more than anything else, was a visit from her son.

A big thank you to Anna and her Mother who spent her life doing good for others.

 Carl White is the executive producer and host of the award winning syndicated TV show Carl White’s Life In the Carolinas. The weekly show is now in its 8th year of syndication and can be seen in the Charlotte viewing market on WJZY Fox 46 Saturdays at 12 noon.  For more on the show visit  www.lifeinthecarolinas.com, You can email Carl White at [email protected].          Copyright 2017 Carl White

    How about social justice for Israel?

By EARL COX

Special to The Record

The attainment of social justice has been a utopian goal throughout history. While God created all equal, there is no society in the world where this actually exists.  There have always been advocates and champions for the poor and downtrodden. The call for social justice will not go away.  It seems to be a hook where the young have hung their hats however they seem to be acting on emotion in their call for social justice rather than analyzing the facts such as in the case of the so called “oppressed” Palestinians. Corrupt leadership and misguided goals whereby jihad is more important than lifting their standard of living is to blame for keeping the Palestinian community in poverty.

Despite what the Palestinians would have the world believe, Israel and the Jews are not the cause for their oppressed state of existence. In fact, because of the historic Jewish experience, Jews feel a moral obligation to stand up for the downtrodden.  I sincerely doubt that any of our young generation has ever heard this from one of their professors.  Today’s atmosphere of political correctness does not leave room for positive speech about the Jews and Israel.  In fact, just the opposite. Jew bashing seems to be in vogue and it must stop.  If Israel and the Jews were removed from the earth, the Palestinians would still be poor and desperate just like the poor in Central America, South America and Africa; areas where Israel cannot possibly be blamed.

If those who are crying out for social justice really wanted to see this become a reality, they would be on the side of Israel – the one country in the world which is unfairly constantly condemned by the U.N. and others. The Jewish people around the world are the subject of open hatred and hostility.  Where was the outcry for justice when Jewish cemeteries were being desecrated and synagogues spray painted with ugly words and messages reminiscent of the days leading up to the Holocaust?  But without knowing history, it would be very difficult to discern that the social and political climate that existed in the 1930s and 1940s is again present today.  Through history we learn to recognize falsehoods, misinformation and disinformation. Efforts to achieve social justice will produce positive results if rightly placed.  We must not accept or condone acts of terror, incitement of hatred, or genocidal or brutal acts against humanity. Israel and the Jews are here to stay.  They have a long and rich history which pre-dates all of us by thousands of years.