#best night of my life was when i saw them in August by myself and i got drunk it was great i cried like a bitch

[ilovebuckers5]

.·:·.✧ Say No pt 4✧.·:·.

NIka Muhl x Fem!Reader

"I just wanted to be yours. can I be yours? can I be yours? just tell me I'm yours"

word count - 2.3k

themes:

-angst (if u squint)

-fluff

-smoking

A/N - this is kind of a filler but then again its not... I really liked writing this part tho 😋

august 5th 2023

My eyes stung the morning after. Not even the feelings of more tears helped because she wasn't here to wipe them away. As much as I wanted to wake up curled next to Nika, faced pressed against her chest. I wasn't. She was still in Paige's room. I kept trying to gaslight myself into thinking that she was down the hallway, waiting for me, but she wasn't. My eyes started to blink open to see a bunch of blankets piled up next to my face. I shoved the blankets out of the way and sat up, supporting my body weight with hands behind me. I gazed around my room looking for a sweater to put on. I finally stood up once I found a black hoodie with the UCONN logo on it. It took me forever to realize that I had slipped on Nika's sweatshirt. The first thing I noticed when I walked out of my room was a couple of the girls sitting in the lobby. On their phones, talking, doing whatever. I started looking around for Paige but before I could find the blonde, I found the brunette. Nika was sitting on the arm of a cushioned chair. Of course she decided to not sit on the actual part your ass should be on. I tried my best to look away but just the sight of her was refreshing after a night without her touch.

Her eyes were glued onto her phone that was being held by her left hand. Her right was hanging off to the side. I watched as her thumb gently spun one of her more loose rings around. I watched the way her heels was kicking against the soft material on the chair. I watched every little movement she made. And suddenly I was back at the beach. When even if she had sand in her finger nails and in her hair, she was still perfect to me and always is. Watching her silently took me back to the first night she stayed in my bed. She laid there so peacefully and all I could was watch her chest rise and fall with each breath she took. Arguments completely break me. Even if this isn't the end it feels like it. To know that there is a point in us that Nika didn't feel at peace when the thought of myself came to her mind. that is horrible to think of.

Before she could catch me admiring her, I moved my eyes to the front door when I heard KK, Ice, and Paige walk through the door holding Panda Express. Ice ran up to me holding a bag in front of me. "I couldn't remember your go to for the life of me and you were asleep so forgive me if I botched your order." She handed me a bag of food that was steaming. "No you're good I love anything from Panda." I grabbed onto the bag and sat down at one of the chair in the lobby. The smell of orange chicken and beef mixed with steam rose up to my face hitting my nose with heat. Luckily there was a table in front of me so I took out everything and set it down before throwing away the bag. When I stood up to walk to the trash can I was stopped by a strong hand holding onto my shoulder. I turned around to see Paige looking right at me "You're gonna talk to her today right? It's so insufferable to see you two not being all up on each other." I nodded silently as I was trying to forget what happened even happened. I came back to my food and noticed a bite of my rice was gone. I knew immediately that it was Ashlynn since when I looked up I saw her running away from my chair. I rolled my eyes and continued eating.

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august 11th 2023

"Did you get your shoes from my room?" Jana yelled out from across the hallway. "Yes we're good!" Today was the day that the team was headed back home. I had just finalized my packing plan and had my suitcases full to the brim. As much as I wanted to help Nika pack, she seemed like she was fully capable by herself. By the way, I did talk to her. At least I tried. In fact I tried multiple times. Each and every time I did, she either ignored me or brushed my words off.

august 5th 2023

I was back at my room now. Leftovers of my food were left in the mini fridge. I remember hearing some girls in the room next to me laughing loudly. Even though I wasn't into smoking or drinking, Nika's tipsy voice made it hard to resist. The book in my hand was almost glued to my bed once I heard her voice. I walked next door and knocked on the door while trying to think of an excuse to just be in the room. The door swung open to reveal Qadence standing in front of me. She had a soft smile on her face when she noticed it was me. Me and Qadence have always been close even if it doesn't show. Once the door was opened wide enough, I saw Nika's smile drop as we locked eyes. My heart dropped to my stomach just at the sight of her not being happy around me. Qadence let me into the room which I didn't expect. To be honest, I just went to the room to get some part of Nika's presence near mine. Qadence shut the door and sat down on the floor next to Paige and Amari. I looked around with confusion, not knowing what to do. The group of girls were clearly wanted me to sit down but the only place I could sit was of course right next to Nika. On a bed too. So I did. I mean its not like it would bother me, it's Nika who would be bothered by it. And Paige who would be amused. Azzi took a puff from her pen before handing it to what I thought would be me but was Nika. Azzi leaned over into Nika's ear and whispered what I'm guessing was something having to do with me. Nika took a hit then handed the pen to me without making any eye contact. It was excruciating to not kiss her right then and there in front of everyone.

"Alright. Take a hit or tell the truth. y/n, did you actually fuck Nika?" Clearly Paige was in a mood. My eyes widened at the very quick start to the night. I let out a sigh and handed the pen to Qadence before answering. "Yep." I tried to be as cold and blunt as possible to make it seem like I didn't give a shit, which I did. My eyes felt like they were going to pop out at how much I wanted to look into Nika's eyes to see if she was looking at me. Paige tilted her head to Azzi, indicating that she needed to ask the next question.

After a couple more questions thrown back and forth, I felt myself getting more dissociated and high. The next question was asked by Amari and it was something I did think she would ask. "I'm gonna break the rules a little here, this is for Nika and y/n. are y'all done?" the room went silent. My brain could barely think about what I was going to say so I silently left Nika to answer first. We still didn't make eye contact. The only thing I saw was her hands starting to fidget with each other. I held my breath until she spoke out. "Only if this one wants it to be." Nika tapped my shoulder shyly which sent a chill down my back. That when I noticed just how high she was because sober Nika would never be that bold after being asked a question like that. Nothing left my mouth but heavy breaths. I wanted to speak but no words were able to form on my tongue. All I could do was leave. So I stood up and rushed through the door and back to my room. This happened to be the second time that I had smoked ever so it was a bit rough when I was back in my bed. I couldn't even stand up so flipped myself over so that my face was in the pillow and all I did was cry. I got mascara all over my pillow but that didn't matter right now.

I want Nika back more than anything in the world. Before these couple days I couldn't even fathom the thought of being without her yet I still managed to fuck things up. Just because I wasn't careful? Fucking stupid. I cried for almost an hour nonstop before Azzi walked through my door. She sat herself on the ledge of my bed and gently rubbed my back as more tears fell out of my eyes and got soaked up by my pillow. The only reason I didn't answer the question was because I wanted Nika back so much that it felt like if I told her that, it would be stressful for her. I want what's best for her not for me. I probably sounded so stupid crying so hard over something like a month long relationship issue but it was as if I knew Nika for 20 years. Azzi sat there and rubbed my back for what felt like hours until I finally revealed my now even more reddened and puffy eyes. Azzi grabbed a tissue and wiped my cheeks and eyes of dark mascara. She pulled me into a long embrace which only made more tears flow out. "I don't want it to be over az." She held me close for a couple more seconds before pulling away to speak. "Then you have to do something so that she knows that."

I eventually built up the balls to stand up and approach Nika who was now running after KK who had taken her phone. KK stopped once she saw me walk out the door and head towards Nika direction. In fact, KK froze in place and just stared at me. "What?" Nika flailed her arms around until she turned around, then her hands rested at her sides. Finally for the first time in a month, we looked at each other. But this time we didn't just look at each other, we focused on each other. I felt the air in my lungs become trapped by the lump sitting at the top of my throat. I cleared my throat and broke the eye contact "Um, could I talk to you. Please." I felt the sense that Nika really didn't want to talk to me but she painfully nodded and followed me back into our hotel room. My hands gravitated to her wrists but she pulled away softer than I expected. "Nika. Can I tell you something?" Nika took her lip under her teeth and nodded. "I really love you. Like, a fucking lot." Nika hadn't even spoke and I felt a tear run down my cheek. "I would never in a million years- no in any years, want to hurt you." I looked behind Nika's eyes and felt nothing but hate with a hint of love in her head. Even if she didn't take me back in this moment I needed her to know that she meant everything to me. I would give up my life to spare her happiness.

august 11th 2023

I was loading everyone's bags into the car when I felt a hand wrap around my waist. Ok maybe not around my waist but a hand touched my waist. I look behind me to see Nika. She had tears ready to fall from her eyes. Things had eased out since the fifth but we still weren't back together. I still had the same love for her no matter what, that wouldn't change. Even though she never wanted to admit it, I could always tell when something was wrong with Nika. The sorrows of having to leave California forced me to try and comfort Nika even if that meant holding her in my arms without dating. No words were exchanged I just felt a couple tears slide down my skin that Nika's face was pressed against. My hand trailed across her back that was halfway exposed by the tube top she was wearing. The second she pulled her face out of my chest, I held her jaw with my hands and looked into her glossy eyes. "I'm...sorry." Her words were laced with even more sobs but that didn't matter. She didn't have to be sorry. Did it hurt being without her? Yes. But nothing changed the fact that it was me who did something wrong. She had every right to be mad at me. "Don't be sorry. There's nothing to be sorry for." a couple more tears fell down her cheeks but I quickly stroked them away with the pad of my thumb. I thought she would pull away now but her hands wrapped around my waist before she slowly inched her lips onto mine. I kissed back and then felt her smile across my mouth. I missed her smile.

I pulled away to peek at her now dried eyes and glowing smile. I pressed my head against her forehead and pulled her close. We held onto each other until I looked up and saw a couple of the girls lurking through the window of the hotel lobby. "Alright everyone's staring at us..." A small laugh left Nika's mouth and just that alone warmed my heart even more. Nika left to go grab a couple more bags to put in the car. I admired from afar as Paige, Azzi, and KK basically congratulated her. I leaned my head back on the trunk door of the car and I couldn't help but bring a large smile on my lips. Now the car ride wouldn't be as painful as I predicted it to be.

#nika muhl #paige bueckers #lesbian #basketball #uconn wbb #uconhuskies #say no #nika muhl x reader #nika x reader

[lilithgreye]

MY SCARY STALKER EXPERIENCES

⟢ from a 8h venus, 11h mars, 7h pluto, 8h chiron, and lilith in 1h person ⟣

note: only fake names are used

i have attracted an insane amount of stalkers in my life because of these placements. also if not stalkers just ppl that obsessed with me in general and that won’t leave me alone even when i ask them to. there’s been lots of guys that i’ve rejected but still continue to pursue me and it doesn’t stop at men because women have prayed on my downfall also and tried to one up me every time they saw me succeed or hurt me because they saw i succeeded in anything as well. here are a few stories i have to tell (out of many):

stalker #1: august

this was one of my worst stalkers

i met august in the seventh grade at my bus stop. he seemed very shy and innocent at first. not creepy at all. he asked for my number the first day he met me so i said “sure, why not?” as i had just moved to a new neighborhood and wanted friends. i was always very busy with school and my siblings (my parents didn’t have time to raise them so i did it mostly by myself) so whenever he texted i would try to answer the best i could but i usually didn’t have time. the first time he started being obsessive was when he facetimed me a total of 33 times because i wouldn’t answer him. then shit got way worse. the next day he came to the bus stop he was already there before me and we were there alone. he pulled out a pocket knife to show me that his dad bought it for him. he then made a so called joke saying “i could technically kill u right now if i wanted to”. obviously this scared me. even if he was kidding why do so many men say things like that? this is when it gets scary though. i would go on nightly runs every day after school. mind u i lived in a very safe gated neighborhood and there wasn’t much crime where i lived at the time. i was running past a bush when i got jump scared because i could see someone’s eyes watching me. i carried pepper spray with me at the time but that was it. i got it out and peered around the bush but by the time i had done that the person had already gone into the forest behind the bush and ran off. i got really scared so i ran home only to later that night hear someone outside my window. i opened my blinds a bit to see who it was and they got down really quick to hide so i couldn’t. i got scared so i told my dad and he went outside to check. sure enough .. it was august. my dad told him not to do that and to leave our property. the next day august asks why my dad made such a big deal out of it and i said “because it’s creepy” and i thought this was when he realized i was most definitely not interested in him but then he proceeded to ask me out. i of course say “no i don’t have feelings for u like that” and he proceeds to say in a very serious tone “if u don’t go out with me i will kill u in ur sleep and u will regret it” i was hoping he was being satire but his face did not change. he did not laugh. he meant what he said. i said “if u threaten me again i will file a police report against u” and he said “ur scared then? u should be”. i was so scared to sleep after this because my room was at the very front of the house and he could easily pull out a gun and shoot through my wall or do a number of different things to me. i slept on the couch for the night and of course he begins blowing up my phone. one of his texts read “why can’t i hear u ur usually taking to ur friends on the phone or going for a run at this time?”. i block him. i then hear the doorbell ring and at the time both of my parents are not home. it’s just me, my old brother, and my two younger sisters. i scream through the door “get away from my house or i will call 911” and he screams “i will kill u before they get here if u don’t let me in”. of course i didn’t let him in. i call 911 immediately but he runs away as soon as the police sirens go off. i try to tell the police what happened but of course they dismissed it and said all i could do was ignore him and have my mom drive me to school to avoid him. he wasn’t in any of my classes luckily but he still managed to come across my path during EVERY single passing period. as i was walking out of school to ride the afternoon bus (which he had never rode before) he proceeds to follow me and say he’s riding the afternoon bus now too. he acts as if nothing has happened initially but then says “why did u block me i did nothing wrong?”. i of course sit there in shock making this 😦 face. like i’m sorry? u did NOTHING wrong? are u actually kidding me? this is when he reaches his peak obsession because when we got off of the bus he followed me home even after i screamed at him to stay away from me the whole walk there.

he continued to apologize but finally when we got there (to my house) he said “ur crazy for the way ur acting. just unblock me” and i said “absolutely not leave me alone” then he proceeded to grab me from behind and slam me to the ground. no one was around at the time but it was in broad daylight so i figured he wouldn’t do something to this degree. he did anyway. he pushed me to the ground as hard as he could and pulled my pants down trying to r*pe me. thank god for my neighbor who walked out as this was happening and rushed over to help me pushing august off of me before he could do anything bad. i told the school and he was no longer allowed to be anywhere near me and had to sit alone at lunch for a week since one of the threats he made to me was on the bus. the rest of the year my mom picked me up and dropped me off at school.

#2: rhett

this story is not as bad as others i have but still pretty bad for how young i was

rhett was my first stalker (or because we were so young i guess just the first “obsessive person” in my life. i met him all the way back in the first grade. it started with him following me everywhere. all around the playground at recess, getting mad when i partnered up with anyone but him in class, and telling me if i don’t sit with him at lunch he’ll tell on me. which does seem pretty innocent for a first grade. he seemed like he just wanted a friend initially which i didn’t mind. i thought he had pure intentions so i didn’t mind. turns out i was wrong. by the time we were in second grade he began making inappropriate comments to me that were sexual. at the time of course because i was around 7 i literally knew nothing about sex so i didn’t understand how bad what he was saying was. then things got even worse and he would non stop talk to my mom at our school parties trying to go on a “play date” with me and my mom fell for it. she forced me to hang out with him and then when he came over to my house he groped me and when i told him to stop he would not. then after i told my mom she never made me hang out with him again but it didn’t stop there because in third grade when we had different teachers he would continuously show up to my classes door every day (i assume lying to his teachers and telling them he had to go to the bathroom) and watch me through the window. it was the first time i discovered what an obsessive person was like and felt uncomfortable around a school mate

#3: lindsey

this is more about an obsessive girl than a stalker

this isn’t a long story but basically i had a crush on this guy in fifth grade who we’ll call asher and it turned out somehow (even though i wasn’t cute and was overweight at the time) he had a crush on me and liked me back. lindsey also had a crush on him (mind u i was not friends with her she only sat at my table). asher told me to keep it a secret that he liked me (most likely because i was fat and he was embarrassed idk why i even liked him but anyway) back then i was a loud mouth so i told lindsey. lindsey had shown obsession with me before like for example i remember one time she opened her camera roll in front of me and all of my instagram videos and pictures were in there. i thought it was a little weird but didn’t pay much mind to it until she copied a lot of my instagram posts captions word for word along with the same poses and this was not the only time she’d done something weird like that. anyway she proceeded to tell him during class that i told her he liked me and when i got mad she broke down crying and went on a huge rant saying “well i’m sorry that i’m not as pretty as u and that no boys like me like that and that ur so smart and have so many friends. i just was jealous of u and wanted to take it out on u i’m sorry”

this is lot even all of them either lol. i may have to make a part 2

#astrology #astrology blog #astrology chart #birth chart #astrology community #astro community #stalker #storytime

[ure-a-sunflower]

Truth, Dare, and Jealousy

Written by ure-a-sunflower

Eddie Munson x reader!all genders (Stranger Things fanfiction)

This is my first time publishing any of my work since I really wanted to gatekeep this stuff to myself. I’ll be honest, I wrote a lot of Eddie fan fics so I’ll see how this one turns out. Please be nice, I beg of you. I just did this for fun back in August of 2022.

CONTENT WARNING: alcohol consumption, mentions of smoking, some swearing, NO SPOILERS

Word Count: 3k

Eddie knew well that you hardly expressed crushes on real life boys aside from your beloved fictional characters. He was fine with that, honestly, because competition with some actually-not-real man that was good as paper and had as much depth as a kids blow up pool was nothing too personal for him. It was probably the dark brooding charm female authors would win you over with or the romantic promises these guys had that were downright unrealistic.

Regardless of that, you and Eddie connect really well and while he didn’t want to admit it, he was starting to develop feelings for you.

(Rest of the fic is below the cut)

This was kinda bad. You had only joined Hellfire a year ago and you got to Eddie real good. The other boys didn’t see it as much, but the way you both would squeal and jump for joy when you would come up with campaign ideas and talk about the most recent news of D&D… he never thought anyone else was like him. That was probably the first time he actually noticed you way past being a member of his club. Sure, you weren’t the biggest metalhead like the others, but when he saw you singing along to Black Sabbath and Iron Maiden in his van, he thought he was hallucinating.

But he was the group’s dungeon master and you weren’t held on the same freak level as him. You still hung out with your other best friends and your choice of aesthetic only dabbled in a bit of punk when given the chance. He thought you looked gorgeous when you would mix both. And considering how good you both got on already, Eddie was afraid he’d ruin what was between you. He couldn’t bear making it awkward.

At the end of a long week before a big school break, Eddie invited you to his trailer to hang out. The other Hellfire members had plans, which left the both of you alone.

“Truth or dare?” Eddie asked, while offering you another shot of the brandy. You downed it after swiping it from his hands and wiped your lips with your shirt. “Um, truth. Got nothing to hide.”

“Uhhh, alright.” Eddie leaned back to think. What useful information can he get out of you? He practically knew everything about you since you act like an open book around him. “Okay, I got one.”

“Shoot, Munson.” You didn’t like the clever smirk on his face.

“Who do you think is the most attractive member in Hellfire?”

Damn, you didn’t expect him to enter that territory. Eddie only took up your offer for a drinking game because you were getting sick of him being short of a human smoke machine. You weren’t planning to confess your stupid little crush on him that you’ve had for months now. What would he think of you?

“Wow, uh, you really wanna know?” you laughed it off awkwardly. Eddie noticed your uncomfortableness and chuckled. “I mean, you can answer my question or pick a worse dare, honey.”

God, his stupid nicknames. He wasn’t tipsy like you at the moment because unlike you, Eddie wasn’t a lightweight. “Let me hear the punishment then. I’ll consider my options.”

“That’s so against the rules but since you’re my favorite, I’ll tell you… I dare you to run around the trailer park, naked, and singing.”

“Eddie!” you yelled. “Are you trying to have fun or have me admitted to the nearest psychiatric ward?!” Soon, he was rollling on the floor, laughing. You couldn’t even bring yourself to imagine what you’d look like. Sure, you’d do anything for Eddie Munson, but that? You’d have to pass.

“So, ‘most attractive member’ then? Come on, sweets, we don’t have all night.”

“But won’t that sound like I’m attracted to them?”

“I mean, maybe. Be as objective as you want.”

You gulped. You really didn’t want Eddie to assume you had a crush on him but you also didn’t want him to think you had one on another Hellfire member. The least thing you’d want him to do is tease you with someone else. On top of things, inflating his already big sarcastic ego would end you.

“Um… huh, that’s tough…” You put your chin in your finger and thought hard. None of the freshmen were on the table. Jeff is sweet but he wasn’t your type— he was more like a brother to you, anyways. Last person left…

Everyone in Hellfire wasn’t afraid to admit that Gareth was handsome. Sure, he still had the baby cheeks and freckles from middle school, but you think his hair is really cute and fluffy even way back then. You always went out of your way to point that out and he’d blush super hard. He also gives you the best hugs, rivalring Eddie’s. Gareth is sweet and nice to you in and out of school, opposite of Grant and Eddie who are total pranksters. You have a soft spot for the guy. If only you weren’t so close with Eddie, you’d probably be fully head over heels with Gareth already.

You took a deep breath and shook your head in between a chuckle. “I guess I’m gonna go with Gareth.”

Eddie’s heart kinda stopped. Gareth? Gareth Emerson? He was already planning in his head how he would react when you’d say it was him. Ready to thank you and graciously shower you with praises while you roll your eyes and tell him not to take it too personally. That’s kind of why he asked the question, if he was being honest. He wanted to hear it from you.

You always loved teasing and calling Eddie your “pretty boy”, playing with his hair and braiding it whenever you both hung out. Once, you complimented his doe eyes while you were both out and about, and Eddie never forgot that moment since. It was the first time anyone has really noticed his features like that. The first time you met him, you even said his style was cool because he looked like a certified rockstar. But you thought Gareth was the most attractive when you were both alone right now? Seriously?

Eddie figured he’ll need to down a whole bottle and smoke himself to death once you go home. Then he just got more worried.

Why did he react that way?

“Eds, you good?” You waved a hand in front of his face as Eddie snapped out of his thoughts. You waited for his response after he kind of just blanked out.

He regretted asking you for the truth now. Should’ve just gone with like ‘what’s your go-to ice cream flavor’ or ‘who’s your favorite dungeon master and rockstar whose name starts with an E and rhymes with teddy’. Now, he just felt like some pathetic loser pouting because he didn’t like your answer. God, he felt like a stupid middle schooler all over again.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m alright.” He looked like he snapped out of his trance but his eyes look everywhere but yours. His hands seize the bottle and he downs some. “So, uh, Gareth huh?”

Completely oblivious, you giggle and shove his shoulder. “Don’t tell him I told you that. Besides, I only see him as a close friend.” You better, Eddie thought. You noticed the tension in Eddie’s jaw and put a hand on his thigh to calm him down. It only had the opposite effect. “Hey. Something’s bothering you, I can tell.”

“It’s nothing. Why did you choose Gareth?”

The way he so quickly changed the subject didn’t slip past you. But you figured it wasn’t worth pressing on more. “I mean,” you scratch your neck, “he’s really sweet and it’s no secret that he’s got good genes.”

Eddie’s eyebrows only furrowed. The grin of disbelief on his face looked less amused and more annoyed.

“Really? I mean, am I not sweet? It’s gotta be the hair, isn’t it?”

You tilted your head in confusion.

“Eddie… are you… jealous?”

You thought he was gonna have a whiplash with the way he snapped his head towards you. “What did you just say?” Despite the utter confusion in his face, you knew he heard you. You smirked and continued.

“Are you jealous of me saying Gareth’s attractive?” His poor best friend Gareth, having no idea that Eddie’s currently dunking his head in a barrel of water in his mind. How dare he look attractive to the person he’s had the biggest crush ever on. Now, they’re onto him.

Playing dumb was his only option. “No, I’m not. Why would I be jealous? Don’t be ridiculous. I’m teasing you about this!” Air quotes and all, you saw through his façade. The defenses were raised and you could tell Eddie was lying. His ears were a brighter pink than before and though you were tipsy, you still had a strong intuition that you just made your best friend envious. The alcohol in your system seemed to not only fuel your courage but also your audacity. You leaned in to mess with him further. “I just figured, y’know, since you reacted when I said that.”

“I did not react.” Such a child. You wiggled your eyebrows.

“Sure…” An idea popped in your head. “Then, you wouldn’t mind if I asked Gareth out after break?”

Eddie thought he was going to faint. Or combust. Whichever was faster.

“Are— Are you fucking serious?!” Eddie jumped in his seat, accidentally banging his knees on the table and staring at you like you’ve grown another head. You were laughing at this point, clutching your stomach and throwing your head back. If only Eddie didn’t hear your previous words, he would’ve thought you looked like a pure angel. But he was genuinely shocked.

“Munson, what has gotten into you?! I’m only joking!” Eddie’s been having heart attack after heart attack with each sentence you uttered. He didn’t know if he should be relieved or pissed off at you. “You really don’t like me going out with him, don’t you? Well, I know how much Gareth means to Jeff. Can’t get in the way of the most legendary bromance in Hawkins.”

Eddie slapped a hand over his face and groaned. He opened his mouth to say something when you beat him to it. “Or does it feel incestuous to date someone from Hellfire? I see why you’re so protective of them. I kinda see the boys as like my brothers—“

“Just shut up!” Playing cards, napkins, plastic forks— they scattered from the table to the floor as Eddie frantically attempts to quiet you. You stopped and stared at him. Usually, you would shrink away and tear up when someone raised their voice like that at you, but you knew Eddie would never mean you any harm. But then again, this was a first. And he sounded so serious.

After no one still said a word, you coughed and decided to change the topic. “… A-Alright, um, that’s enough truth or dare for one night.”

When you were about to leave and walk yourself home, because you were too tipsy as hell to even bike, Eddie insisted you stay. You gave up arguing with him when nothing could convince him to leave you there in the streets all by yourself. He couldn’t drive you either because he was slightly high, never wanting to lose his van because of a DUI arrest, and casually admitted that he won’t be able to sleep knowing you weren’t safe.

You were quite basically trapped in his arms as he cuddled you on his couch.

It was a compromising position, really. You never figured Eddie to be the cuddlebear, but the way he clung onto you was like you were going to disappear from his hands. To make yourself comfortable, you cuddled into him, placing your head on his chest, and Eddie’s heart melted at your gesture.

Your head in his chest, his legs over yours— he was going to be so pissed at himself in the morning.

He knew what he was doing but also not. So did you. This was how lovers would hold each other. It just felt right to be in the other’s arms and not care about the world, a crazy and cruel world. Yes, you were both good friends, but this was just you guys testing the waters of your friendship. No romantic shit. It was just two tipsy best friends cuddling closely on the couch, a thriller movie in the background as soft rain pattered outside. Super platonic. Yep.

You were drifting off to sleep time and time again because of how good of a white noise the TV and rain were, and Eddie couldn’t help but notice. However, he had something bothering him that he had to bring up to you before you start dozing off and become knocked off cold. He couldn’t wait until the morning to tell you since he knew well he’d chicken out again. Perhaps he invited you to drink some alcohol so he could finally confess using liquid courage, and in the case if you’d reject him, he’d just blame it on being drunk. Perfect foolproof plan.

“Hey,” Eddie whispered your name by the shell of your ear. You stirred from your sleepiness and turned up to him. “Hey, um… I’m sorry if I, uh, made an outburst earlier.”

It wasn’t easy to decipher what this was all about, especially when you were half-asleep and in the midst of sobering at this point. “For what? About Gareth? Don’t worry, I know we were being stupid.” You still didn’t understand why he made such a fuss, but you were just trying to move on from the situation. Nevermind figuring out his reasons. Your heart was pounding miles a minute. You were holding your crush like you were partners, and you wanted to be out of there and in between his arms more than ever at the same time. It was worth cherishing this position before you two part in the morning and just pretend nothing happened.

Eddie hated that you said his name again. “Yeah… I just…you know… I guess I was jealous.”

You took a pause to digest what he said. “You were? Oh, Eddie, I know I said Gareth but you’re still the pretty boy! I mean, you know I love your hair and your eyes—“

“No, it’s not that I’m jealous of Gareth’s looks.” Eddie took a deep breath. Yours hitched, waiting for his next words. He tried to look into your eyes but you could see them shaking and he kept averting your gaze. “I… well… shit. H-How am I gonna say this….?”

“… Yeah?”

“I-I got… I got jealous… that you like him.”

At this point you were grasping at sticks. What did that even mean? Was he jealous of the attention? Of your feelings? That another guy was held in a position higher than Eddie Munson, Hellfire’s Beloved Leader? It was starting to get annoying.

“Eddie, we’re so close and we’ve been great friends since I’ve known you. Fucking hell, you’re our Dungeon Master. I know you and Gareth are like brothers and I get it if you don’t want anyone dating in the club. You’ve got nothing to worry about just because I think he’s got looks—“

“No,” he shook his head, finally demanding your attention, “like, I like like you. I have feelings for you and I want to be with you. As your… boyfriend.”

You were certainly stunned.

Maybe you just waited and pushed for him to say it, but you still couldn’t believe it. Did Eddie just confess he liked you? First? You wanted to soar and you felt like you could touch stars. Holy shit. You wanted to pinch yourself to make sure you weren’t dreaming. Was it the alcohol that made you like this?

“…And I know I sound stupid or selfish but I guess I have to make my moves now since you want to ask Gareth out.”

Your mouth was still gaped wide open as Eddie continued rambling about how much he liked you. “—like we were alone in the drama room one night while cleaning and we danced to that stupid jazzy song you put on like my parents used to when I was a kid and I didn’t know it at that time but I think that’s when I realized I was falling really badly for you—“

You had scooted your way towards him the entire time he was going on and on, fully facing his direction, and took his hands that were wildly gesturing the entire time. “Eddie.”

“—because you’re just so nice and understanding and patient with me a-and— huh?” He was staring at you like a baby deer in headlights as you cupped his cheek. You could feel the warmth as his eyes widened. “I really like you too. I’ve fallen in love with you for months now.”

There was just silence. Silence on your end because you can’t believe you’ve finally said that, and Eddie was shortcircuiting with the words you’ve said to him. He had to repeat them in his head to make sure they really meant what he was thinking they meant. “You… You really—? But Gareth—“

“I only said Gareth because I didn’t know if I should confess I like you. I’ve had a crush on you since sophomore year.”

“You liked me for that long?! Wha— Wait, I, oh gosh so you actually like me?”

“Eddie, I want to be yours. I love you. I really do.”

That was the happiest he’s been in forever. If he had to put it in words, it felt like someone lit a firework and his heart was fizzing around the room.

Pulling you to him, he mumbled a “may I kiss you?” and you nodded eagerly. Eddie placed a hand below your chin and locked his lips with yours passionately, absolutely savoring this moment because he’s been waiting for it for sleepless nights and hopeless daydreams. It was finally happening.

He whispered in between kisses, “I love you so so much” which made you giggle. “I can’t believe I have the best, kindest, and hottest partner in all of the world.” When you rolled your eyes, Eddie shook his head disapprovingly and kissed you once again until you were literally gasping for air and telling him “okay! Okay! I believe you! Gosh, I love you so much, Eddie!”

At the next campaign, it was no doubt a surprise to Hellfire when Eddie suddenly announced you were his partner the moment you walked in the door.

#eddie munson #joseph quinn #stranger things #eddie munson x reader #stranger things 4 #gareth emerson #eddie x reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie fluff #stranger things fanfiction #eddie #hellfire club

[sillyrabbit81]

The Fallen Wolves Brotherhood - Part Six

Series Summary: Lori "Babycakes" Tate swore she would never date a biker but when her life is in danger, she is put under the protection of a small club known as The Fallen Wolves Brotherhood. She suddenly finds herself attracted to not one, but five bikers.

A reverse harem, biker AU.

Part Six Summary: Syverson has an unusual request for Marshall which leads him to a decision that could change the fate of the Brotherhood forever.

Pairing: Captain Syverson x OFC, Walter Marshall x OFC, Mike x OFC, Geralt x OFC, August Walker x OFC

Word Count: Approx. 3.4k

Warnings:

Series Warnings: Reverse harem, age gap (OFC 23, ages range from 23 to mid 40s), oral sex (male and female receiving), unprotected p in v sex, anal sex, group sex, masturbation, praise kink, mentions of body fluids, drug use, recreational drinking, sex work, criminal activities, mention of death, violence, use of weapons, mentions of war, mentions of abuse, angst, fluff, probably a lot more that I will add as they come up.

Part Six Warnings: Smutty thoughts, angst, fluff.

Authors Note: Thanks as always to my lovely BBFs (Best Beta's forever) @henryobsessed and @nashibirne. Its been a while since I've written Walter and I've never written his POV so I hope you all enjoy it.

Divider made by me. Edited by me, there will be errors.

Masterlist

Parts Masterlist

Part Five Part Seven

Marshall

When Sy brought her out of the room with his arm around her, both of them were flushed and looked a little tousled. For half a second I felt a stabbing pain of jealousy and I wanted to look away. Then I saw him run the back of his finger down her cheek with a tenderness I had never seen in the Brother. The moment appeared so private and so personal, like it had been when she slept in his arms, it seemed wrong to look at them.

You’ve gone soft Walter, I told myself. But I felt a smile tug at the corners of my mouth. 

Despite all of it, I was happy for him because I hoped he was going to get a chance to make up for some of the mistakes of his past and move through them. He wasn’t all the way healed yet. Like all of us, his scars, his pain, and his trauma ran deep. I spoke to him truthfully last night; he deserved her as much as any of us arseholes did. I wouldn’t stop him and I would hurt any of the Brothers who got in his way. 

I glanced at Walker, yes even him.

Although I didn’t hold the same level of animosity against Walker as Sy did, I understood their rivalry. They were both capable leaders, both could have been president, but in the end, Walker had connections that Sy didn’t have. It wasn’t just Sy being put out that he had to bow to Walker’s leadership though; Walker had never let Sy forget his loss, throwing his position in his face for years until Geralt had a word with him. Sometimes I think we all fucked up and should have made Geralt Pres, but Geralt wouldn’t hear of it.

Sy helped her put her jacket on, her helmet and gloves. Walker revved his Dyna impatiently and Sy threw daggers at him as he languidly got on his bike. His face was mostly covered by his helmet but I could imagine the smirk on Sy’s face as Lori climbed on behind him and held him tight. As soon as she was settled, Walker took off and Mike, who was cruising in the front with him, had to light his back tire up to catch him.

Shaking my head, I looked over at Geralt who was mirroring my gesture. Unspoken, we knew something had to be done about the situation between Sy and Walker before it got way out of hand.

We stopped for lunch at a truck stop. The food was awful but the bathrooms were clean and that made up for a lot. Lori, Sy, Mike and I sat in a booth together while Walker and Geralt sat in another.

Mike talked incessantly, but she seemed to like it, smiling and giggling through his constant chatter. Sy didn’t seem to mind that Mike kept monopolising her attention and looked at the two of them like an indulgent uncle, happy for the younger ones to be getting along. 

Sy kept throwing me looks however, like he was trying to work something out in his head and thought maybe I’d have the answers. 

At one point Lori leaned into Sy and he put his arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple. I saw her close her eyes and it looked like she shivered with pleasure. I squeezed my eyes shut and looked away, avoiding eye contact with both of them until food arrived.

I was in my own world as I ate, trying not to think when I realised everyone was quiet and looking at me.

“Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” I said, putting my almost finished burger down and taking a sip of my coke.

Lori smiled at me while Mike scowled. “Babycakes asked if you ever played football.”

“You mean American Football?” I asked.

Lori nodded. “What other kind is there?”

I raised my eyebrows.

“Here we go,” Sy said, chuckling. “You’ve opened a can o’ worms here, sugar.”

Deciding to take it easy on her, I forewent the explanation of “football” versus “soccer” and answered in the spirit of her question. “No. I played rugby.”

“Oh, I’ve seen that. It’s like football, but no helmets, right?”

“There’s more to it than that, but yes.”

“So you’re English?”

I let myself smile. “What gave me away?”

She laughed softly, dropping her eyes a moment and she tucked a stray bit of hair behind her ear as if she were embarrassed by stating the obvious. Jesus, she was pretty and her throaty laugh warmed me enough that for a second I imagined what her deep mahogany waves would look like fanned over my pillow like a corona as she threw her head back with a moan.

Mike interrupted then, inserting himself back into the conversation and I was relieved when her attention was diverted. But every so often Lori would look over at me and smile. Sy kept throwing those pondering glances and again, I wondered what he was up to.

After we ate, Sy handed Lori over to Mike and lit a cigarette as he called me aside. I lit a smoke myself and followed him out of earshot.

“Walker is sending me on a job when we get back,” Sy said with no preamble.

I was only slightly surprised. I took a long drag on my smoke. “Want me to go instead?”

“It’s a logistics job, so it’s got to be me.”

“How long are you going for?”

“Walker says two days to a week, so who knows. I haven’t seen the brief yet.”

“What about her?”

I took the risk to look at Lori. She was sitting on the curb outside the diner having a cigarette with Mike who was telling her a story, his arms moved wildly. She was bloody breathtaking with her hair all mussed up from her helmet, her long legs bent with an elbow resting on her knee and hand covering her face a moment as she laughed at whatever Mike was telling her. 

Sy took a deep breath. “That’s what I want to talk to you about.”

My eyebrows shot up. “What do you need, Brother?”

Sy sucked in another deep lungful of his cigarette and stared at me. His eyes squinted almost shut as he looked towards the sun behind me and blew the smoke out again before he spoke as if he were still making up his mind what he should say. 

“I wantcha to take care of her,” he finally said.

I felt my brows draw down low as I tried to process what he was asking of me. “You’re gonna have to be clearer than that, Sy.”

He sniffed and glanced over at the girl before he looked at the ground. “Just be there for her. Keep her occupied, away from Walker.”

“Fuck,” I swore under my breath.

“I know what I’m askin’…”

“No, you fucking don’t,” I said harshly. “You’re setting me up to betray you, my Brother.”

Squinting again, Sy looked me in the eyes. “It ain’t betrayal if you have permission.”

I blinked. Completely floored, I stared at Sy my mouth working several times before I was able to speak. “What the fuck are you talking about? She isn’t a whore to just pass around.”

“Fuck, I shoulda asked Geralt,” Sy ran a hand over his close cropped hair, “He was the one who put the damn idea in my head in the first place.” 

He turned away in frustration and I grabbed hold of his arm.

“Wait a minute. What did Geralt say to you?”

“That she could choose more than one of us.”

I took a step back. “Fucking hell.”

“Look, I know we all want her—”

“Syverson—”

“Let me finish, God damn it,” Sy growled. I put my arms up and he continued. “We all want her. Geralt’s of the mind she can have all of us if she wants to, I don’t doubt Mike would go for that too. But, Mike’s too young to stand up to Walker. It’ll still be up to her. I ain’t sayin’ ya gotta force yourself on her or nothin’. Just give her the option.”

“So, this is all about Walker? Are you so fucked up that you’d give up a chance at happiness, just to spite Walker?” I shook my head. He can’t be fucking serious. “She could choose Walker anyway, you know? Then where would you be? Sharing her with him?”

“He only wants her to fuck with me,” Sy growls. “The rest of you, I see it in your eyes, you care about her the same as me. This ain’t a competition for us. And you’re my Brothers, and… Fuck.” Sy grabbed me by the back of the neck, drawing our faces together until he was looking me in the eye. “And I trust you with everythin’, with my fuckin’ life, with hers. Ya feel me?” His jaw jutted forward, and his grip on my neck tightened. “If you’re who she wants, if any of y’all are who she wants, or if she wants us all, then I’ll do it for her and I’ll do it for you. Ya get it?”

Fuck, he was serious. He was actually considering this shite. And not just considering it, he seemed hellbent on it; his eyes burned with a passion I’d rarely seen from him before. 

I put my hands on his shoulders. “Alright, Sy. Alright, my Brother. Relax, okay? She’s looking this way.”

“Fuck.” He let me go and took a few steps back, making sure not to look in her direction. “Is she comin’ over?”

“No.”

“Good.” Sy rolled his shoulders a few times, releasing built-up tension. “So what do you think?”

“I think you and Geralt are living in some kind of fantasy if you think this could possibly lead to anything other than disaster.”

“I thought so too, but…” Sy shrugged, “I don’t know. I still don’t wanna leave, but knowin’ that you’d be with her takes the edge off. Something about it feels right.”

“Syverson, I—”

“Do me a solid and just think about it, alright? For me, Brother.”

I nodded, still too shocked to really argue with him. Sy returned the gesture, turned abruptly on his heels, and walked swiftly over to Lori. He squatted in front of her, resting his chin on her bent knees. Without looking at him, she reached out and scratched at his beard, I could almost hear him purr in response.

He doesn’t mean it. There’s no way. He thinks he does, that’s what it is. He’s so fucking narrowminded when it to Walker that he’d rather see himself share her with another man than risk the chance that he’d lose her to Walker.

“You gonna do it?” Geralt spoke from behind.

“Do what exactly? Throw myself at my Brother’s girl, pretending it's ok cause he wants me to?” I spat bitterly. “How could you put this lunacy into his fucking head?” 

“He’s got no claim on her.”

Slack jawed, I gestured to Sy, still on his haunches in front of Lori, he still hadn't taken his eyes off her.

“Even if he hasn’t fucked her, look at him. He’s a bloody lovesick puppy. I can’t take that away from him.”

Geralt put a hand on my shoulder and made me look at him. “You won’t be. She looks at him the same way.”

“Then what’s the point? She’s made her choice.”

“She looks at all of us the same way.”

I looked at her, really looked at the way she was staring at Mike. Then her eyes drifted to Geralt then slowly to mine, and she smiled when she saw I was looking at her. Fuck, Geralt was right, she’s attracted to all of us.

“I need to think about this.”

“Don’t take too long, or I’ll move in myself.” Geralt said and grinned. “I will anyway. But I’ll let you have the first shot.” I looked at him sharply and his grin turned into a laugh. “That look tells me, you’ve made your mind up, you just haven’t told yourself yet.”

I grunted. I lit another cigarette craving another hit of that antsy rush as the nicotine hit my blood stream. Geralt patted my shoulder, leaving me with a hum and a sinking feeling in my chest.

Pizza was ordered and somehow we all ended up in Lori’s room eating and knocking back a few beers. Except for Walker and his absence was noted.

“Is he always left out or is it because of me?” Lori asked me quietly. 

She was sitting between Sy and I against the headboard of the bed, while Mike and Geralt sat cross legged across from us. The pizza was long gone and I was on my third beer. I should have stopped at one, but after my talk with Sy earlier, I needed the extra buzz.

“I can see there’s tension between Sy and Walker and I don’t want to make it worse,” Lori shrugged, “I know how shit can go when there’s issues between members and it usually isn’t pretty.”

“He could be here if he wanted to. Walker often chooses his own company.”

“Still, I feel kind of bad for him.” She dropped her head a little, scratching at the label of her beer bottle.

“Don’t worry about it, Lori,” I said, lowering my own head to catch her eye. “The issues between Sy and Walker go way back. If it wasn’t you, they’d argue about the colour of the sky.”

She gave me a half smile and nodded before turning her attention back to the guys.

I took some time to really observe what was going on here. The dynamic was oddly normal. Lori slotted into the group easily, almost like she’d always meant to be with us. It wasn’t exactly the same as it was when we first became Brothers, even Mike had changed that dynamic, but like him she enhanced us, as if the four of us had been waiting for him and now her. 

If you had told me a month ago that a woman would come into our lives that we all developed feelings for, I would never have imagined this scene. I would have envisioned a growing animosity between us, a heightened level of competition, of each of us trying to outdo each other for her attention. But again, oddly, it was the opposite. She was bringing us together in a way that I thought would be impossible. It hardly made sense. It seemed to go against every instinct I had and yet… Could it work? Could we all be with her? Would it be enough for us?

The only spanner in the works was Walker. And really, that was an issue for Sy and Walker to work out. Lori didn’t begin the animosity between them, but her presence has accelerated its cancerous growth.

And she had noticed. She was aware of the way Walker held himself aloof from the rest of us sometimes. He was as much my Brother as the others, my loyalty to him was as strong but there had always been a distance between him and the rest of us. For a brief moment, I entertained the possibility that she could be the key to unlocking his final walls, to bring him closer to the rest of us and finally settling the futile peacocking that went on between him and Sy.

But that was a ridiculous thought and I was getting way ahead of myself. 

I finished the last of my beer and caught Geralt’s eye. He seemed to be thinking the same thing I was and dipped his head slightly. 

“Right,” I said, climbing off the bed, “Come on Mike, let's get some rest before our shifts start.”

Mike opened his mouth seemingly in protest, but I gave him a firm look and his mouth snapped shut. Mike glanced at Sy and Lori and had enough sense to yawn and ungracefully stretch. 

“Yeah, I’m a little tired.”

We silently tidied up the empty beer bottles and pizza boxes and when we were finished Lori looked at us a little awkwardly.

“Well, goodnight,” she said.

Mike said goodbye first, giving her a kiss on the cheek and a hug, not as flirtatious as he had yesterday, but he whispered something in her ear that made her smile and her cheeks warm as she stepped out of his embrace.

“Night Geralt,” she said softly, perhaps even a little shyly.

“Lori,” he said simply pausing briefly to nod his head in her direction as he walked past her and followed Mike out the door.

Then she turned her attention to me and wrapped her arms around my waist. I think I hummed as I returned her embrace. I could feel the rise and fall of her chest, the soft tickle of her warm breath on my neck and my eyes slid shut on their own accord. She stood on her toes and suddenly my nose was in her hair, her fragrance unavoidable, delicate and intoxicating in its fresh, sweet, citrusy aroma.

“Good night, Marshall,” she whispered.

My heart was thumping harder than my Fat Boy at idle as I let her go. I held her at arms length by the shoulders. She was beautiful. She had an easy, unpretentious, girl next door sexuality that made me want to crawl inside her and make her filthy. 

Fuck.

As if her skin was suddenly a hotplate, I let her go.

“Night, Babycakes,” I said. My tone was a little deep, but at least it didn’t waver, “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Her brows furrowed, “Aren’t you on duty tonight?”

“We’ll be standing watch outside your room,” I explained. Geralt had a word with Walker and it was agreed that Sy would stay the night with Lori and the rest of us would guard the door outside. How Geralt convinced Walker to allow it, I’ll never know.

“Sy?” Lori said, turning to him.

“I was going to stay with you, like last night,”

Lori looked at the floor and her cheeks flushed slightly. 

“If you don’t want me too, I’m sure I can…”

“No, no,” Lori said quickly, “I’d like you to stay.”

Sy grinned and cupped Lori’s cheeks, tilting her face up to his.

Not wanting to intrude on what was undoubtedly about to take place, I left quickly. However, Sy surprised me by following me outside after telling Lori he’d be back in a minute.

Mike was smoking and Geralt was leaning against the wall, their heads both lifting as Sy and I came out.

“Aren’t you staying with Babycakes or did she kick your old ass ou–Ouch!” Mike grunted. 

Geralt smirked as he dropped his arm by his side and Mike threw him a murderous look as he rubbed the back of his head. I scoffed. If Mike only knew what Sy and Geralt had in mind.

Sy shook his head, and ignored Mike. 

Geralt smirked and threw an arm around the kid. “Come on, little Brother,” he said and took him off to his room. 

When they were out of earshot, Sy spoke to me in a low voice as he pulled a cigarette out of his packet, “Did ya think about what I asked?”

“Yeah.” I said. 

“And?”

“I’ll do it,” I sighed.

Sy took a deep breath and let it out roughly. “Thank you, Brother.”

I crossed my arms across my chest. “Don’t fucking thank me yet. What are you going to tell Lori?”

“I already told her, if she needs anythin’ and I ain’t around she should go to you.”

“I think you should tell her more than that.”

Sy took a long drag on his cigarette before crushing it beneath his foot. “Yeah. I’ll speak to her.”

He stood for a while, flicking his zippo between his fingers. Mike and Geralt had left, no doubt going to get some rest before their shifts began.

“Hey, man. Maybe you should spend some time with her tonight,” Sy said. “Let her get comfortable with ya before I leave tomorrow. I can take an hour of your shift, wait here and—”

“No Brother,” I interrupted. He was really serious. Part of me thought he’d take it all back once he realised what he agreed to and what it would mean for him. “You don’t know when you’ll be back.”

Sy’s eyes were drawn to the motel door. “Yeah,” he agreed.

I patted his shoulder. “Go on, she’ll be waiting.”

#henry cavill #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fanfiction #captain syverson #syverson fanfiction #captain syverson fanfic #captain syverson fanfiction #captain syverson x ofc #syverson #syverson x ofc #cpt syverson #captain sy #august walker fanfiction #august walker #august walker fic #august walker x ofc #walter marshall #walter marshall fanfiction #walter marshall x ofc #walter marshall fic #geralt x ofc #geralt of rivia #geralt fanfic #geralt of rivia x ofc #geralt of rivia fanfiction #mike (hellraiser) #mike hellraiser #hellraiser mike #mike hellraiser fic #mike (hellraiser) fic

[fallinforerling]

*ੈ✩ taylor's songs prompt list ༘♡

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ A/N: What I wrote down are the vibes that each Taylor song gives off FOR ME. But, if you got completely different ones while listening to them, you can list it on the request. I have no problem at all!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ TAG ME IF YOU USE IT!

ೃ⁀➷ masterlist

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ ˛ * 。° 。 •˚.・。.・゜✭・.⋆·˚ ༘ .・。.・゜✭・..・。.・

: ̗̀➛ lover - destined soulmates, perfect match, deep love. | the type of love we all want and manifest while daydreaming. perfect phrase: "i feel like i've known you my whole life"

: ̗̀➛ cardigan - ruined romance, lost chance, hurtful breakup. | the relationship that marked you, and even though you got over it, you'll always remember it from time to time and feel the ghost of the pain. they healed you just to break you again. perfect phrase: "i loved you as much as you hurted me. which was a lot"

: ̗̀➛ august - an affair, a brief romance, secret relationship. | you wanted it to be more, but you were never enough for them; you just wanted to be loved. perfect phrase: "i was up all night wishing you'd call"

: ̗̀➛ style - relinked over and over, same passion, trust issues. | the one person who you can never reject even if you know it's a mistake, years pass and they make you feel the same. they never stay. perfect phrase: "you'll never get over me, i'm unforgettable"

: ̗̀➛ getaway car - rebound, regretting it right away, guilt. | you thought it would make you feel better, but you know you used the other person to get out of a relationship. perfect phrase: "i'm sorry for what i did, i'm sorry about breaking your heart"

: ̗̀➛ paper rings - comitted relationship, finally feeling ready, happiness. | this is your person, you're done looking for anything else because you got everything you ever wanted right here. perfect phrase: "i don't care what happens as long as i'm with you"

: ̗̀➛ don't blame me - love rush, never felt like this before, love of your life. | loving them is like a drug, you never want to leave the honeymoon phase; you're the happiest when you're by their side. perfect phrase: "you're my other half, and without you i'm not myself"

: ̗̀➛ all too well - bad breakup, you lost your self-esteem, why not you? | this one is going to hurt forever and you're going to always wonder what was wrong with you, if it was something you did. you'll curse their name forever. perfect phrase: "i can still remember it like it was yesterday"

: ̗̀➛ anti-hero - bad desicions, self-sabotage, you're the bad guy. | sometimes you're not the victim, and that's okay. you hate yourself for what you'd done. same mistakes over and over. perfect phrase: "i want to, but at the end of the day i'll never learn"

: ̗̀➛ blank space - failed romance, vengence, you didn't loved them. | you have a bad reputation and you like it. you date for fun, so what? and if they did you wrong, you'll just get involvied with their best friend. perfect phrase: "like i care what you think about me"

: ̗̀➛ gorgeous - big crush, obsesed with them, you're too much of a coward, silly jealousy. | they're your friend, but you can't find the courage to tell them how you feel. fake scenarios keep you going. you don't see it, but they flirt with you all the time. perfect phrase: "i wish you notice me at least once, i'm right here"

: ̗̀➛ enchanted - attraction at first sight, crazy chemistry, childish love. | a crush that developed fast and hit you hard. you thought about them all the time since the first time you've met them. they're so dreamy, you wish they could come and confess their love to you. perfect phrase: "i wonder if they noticed how my eyes sparkled when i saw them"

: ̗̀➛ bejeweled - toxic relationship, self-love, validation. | you won't let anyone take you down or extiguish your light because your smile is still the one that brightens every room you step in. perfect phrase: "i don't need you to love me, i already love myself"

: ̗̀➛ the great war - betrayal, resentfulness, stuck in the pass. | you couldn't get over what they did, and maybe you didn't want to either. the scars were too deep to heal. you miss them, but also hate them. perfect phrase: "i can't believe it's possible to love someone as much as you hate them"

: ̗̀➛ delicate - secret relationship, fear of being rejected, deep feelings. | you know you were supposed to be careless and see were does it go, but you like them so much. is it okay to pretend in front of people? you don't know anymore. perfect phrase: "i want you all to myself even though i shouldn't"

: ̗̀➛ karma - betrayal, patience. | they betrayed you, but you know they'll get what they deserve. you're waiting around to corner to see it all. perfect phrase: "i'm sure you knew what was coming. you deserved it"

: ̗̀➛ back to december - guilt, past relationship, you were the jerk. | you still regret how the relationship ended because you two could've been the best couple ever if you just did better; you want them back, but you're not so sure if they want you back. ever. perfect phrase: "if i could back in time i would, but since i can't, i can offer you the promise of something better"

#story prompt #fanfiction prompts #prompt list #taylor swift #taylor swift prompts #taylor swift prompt list

[drowning-inmysleep]

love me while I leave. my persona yours to keep

“Maybe someday your 'maker' will come…haul you away, take you apart, and announce the recall of a defective product. What if all that's left of the 'real you' is just a couple of lonely brain cells, huh?”

[edit: 9.26.23] this has since been edited and updated a month post initial release, edits will be notated in red, feel free to skip them to read the original writing. [/] August 20th, 2023 I played my last show in a town (Austin, Texas) I moved to to be with my at the time girlfriend. We're separating now, as I'm returning home (Saint Louis, Missouri), the place I left behind. During my stay in Texas I had a hard time making friends, though that's not to say they weren't readily available. I intentionally avoided making them, partially because I was afraid of leaving them behind if anything were to change and call me back home. I have a crew of friends (Materia) in Saint Louis - the best I've ever had. When I moved, I wanted to take a leap and leave the place I'd spent my entire life, and try to fix my relationship by moving closer to them.

Leaving behind those who loved me so much was something that affected me in a way I wouldn't understand until much later. Saint Louis is one of the top rated most violent cities in the United States. Growing up there I normalized a lot of the things I saw and a lot of the trauma I gained from being in that environment. It's shaped me as a person, both good and bad. I got good at existing there, as I spent most of my teenage years in the inner city going to DIY shows.

Most of the shows were Emo / Screamo revival, and eventually that's where I started as a musician. I think Emo / Screamo music is so prevalent in the Midwest because the Midwest is a comfortable but at times very bleak and sad landscape. In the city you can see someone get murdered in front of you, and in the plains farmer's kill themselves because the world moved on without them. The veracity and unrelenting emotional outpour of these genres is some sort of ancestral representation of growing up somewhere like that. Paired with the ignorant approach to song writing / sound engineering, it represents the lack of educational opportunities whether it be due to generational financial issues or dismal public schools, paired with familial trauma from living here. It's pure.

I always dreamed of being a musician as a child, if anything it's the only dream I ever had. Once I started working on my solo project, I was having a hard time being booked in Saint Louis since there wasn't a scene for the music I made. So - I decided to make one for myself. That's how Materia came to be. I wanted to bring as many different people together as possible, so we formed the crew in a way that each member represented a different aspect of the Saint Louis music / night life community. Our first shows were in peoples basements, or shitty bars in the bad parts of town. Just like the DIY shows I started out in when I was 19. Over time Materia got big enough to where I finally became recognized as my solo project in my own city, but by the time it took hold I fear I was too jaded to appreciate it. Before Materia, I had been playing shows all over the country, and was recognized globally for what I made and what I was involved in. Even with that being said, playing shows out in places like LA and NYC revealed a dark reality to the dream I had. That reality being that even if you do blow up, the lifestyle of being a internationally recognized musician doesn't create a long-term sustainable lifestyle. What it can / inevitably will create, is a perception of you others hold based on your art and performance of it. At first it felt really cool to have people think I'm a celebrity of sorts, that I am the dark persona I portray in my music. Over time it felt less and less genuine, that being others opinions of me. As I got bigger I built up a slow poison of being paranoid people only saw me for my plays on soundcloud, follower count, or pre packaged brand I created for myself. Eventually that paranoia showed itself as not just being paranoia, it was partially true. A lot of the music and art I make is representative of the difficulty I've endured mentally. I spent most of my childhood/teen years disassociating and hiding away in MMORPGs. I felt more able to genuinely express myself in these digital worlds. In the real world I was being made fun of for looking like a girl, and being forced to fight others to just be left alone. I had to survive, and eventually I started fighting myself. I tried to kill myself multiple times.

These experiences alienated me in a way that my friends that did experience my breakdowns eventually distanced themselves from me, and I don't blame them for it. It's a lonely feeling. I try to replicate that in music, both that feeling of yearning for lost times / feelings of comfort felt in a video game, while knowing that those times are gone and they weren't that good of escape to begin with and - the feeling of knowing the damage you've caused. I can't listen to a lot of the music I've made in the past because it hurts too much, it's like reading a suicide note from a failed attempt. Jumping back to me now, a 28 year old DnB / Trance musician, I am pretty consistently swarmed with people praising and celebrating me. On one hand I really appreciate it, on the other it is the actualization of the paranoia mentioned above. My fans enjoy my music because what they earn from it, they have no idea what I was going through when I made it. I've been told I've helped people going through similar things that I went through as a teenager, and I love that. Last night at my final show in Texas, a genuine fan of mine expressed that I was a good example for them to follow as a trans woman. This is the case in which that paranoia I mentioned is not true.

As I had a hard time making friends in Texas, I also had a hard time getting booked or respected for who I am as an artist. Even though I'm arguably one of the biggest contemporary electronic artists in this city, a city in which there's so many shows it's oversaturated, I was hardly ever booked. This is similarly due to why I did not have friends, as I didn't want to have to put the work in again. I felt like I didn't need to, and that's my fault.

The show we threw last night in Texas was with my crew of people gathered semi randomly through hilariously unplanned circumstances. This crew is called Unreal.

Two months ago, someone on instagram hit me up and told me they had a generator, asked if I wanted to do a show. Through my jaded eyes I almost laughed at the idea, like sure, lets try and throw a show in 2 days. That person became one of my best friends almost immediately. It's like we were meant to of always known eachother. [edit.9.26.23] This friend has gone on to completely isolate themselves from me along with my ex, as they started to hangout only two days after I left. I guess that paranoia mentioned above bleeds into more than just fans right? These are two more people that proved to me they loved me for the caricature presented in my music more than the person I am in real life.

I will do my best to not let this further validate my paranoia of getting close with anyone who know me only as Manapool. [/] I grabbed a friend from a failed show in Texas, my girlfriend and lastly another who arguably was the only friend I had during the almost year I lived here. The first show was a success and we decided to do it again when my girlfriend returned from her trip to Europe. Last night was that show. I'd been working on a album that represented the dark place I'd been in for the past few months, mainly stemming from preparing to leave my partner. This project is called Mana no Uta, or The Song of Mana. While a genuine portrayal of the dark place I'd been in, it was also my attempt of taking a semi ironic genre (Nightcore) and making it painfully authentic. Nightcore is a genre that mainly takes pop songs and speeds them up, with the lyrics usually being romantic or broken hearted in subject manner.

Every now and then I come across a Nightcore version of a song that hits in a much more graphic way than it's origin. I have attempted to bottle that lightning into six songs, pushing their Maker to their nightmarish limit. In a way this circles back to my taste for being punishingly nostalgic. To me, real art not only moves you but haunts you. [edit: 9.26.23] While I genuinely loved my partner, this year I had spent living with them ended up doing an immense amount of psychological damage. I'm doing my best not to write about her in a negative light, but I consistently felt neglected. I wanted things to work, all in all that's why I sacrificed the life I had in Saint Louis in the first place. That feeling of neglection and failure to recognize the effort and love I'd given led to deep rooted feelings of resentment. Eventually this resentment bled into my perception of self, and in a way it poisoned me. I felt guilty for being unable to rid myself of these, regardless, I was constantly in a state of accepted defeat paired with anger at myself for leaving Saint Louis behind just to end up unhappy.

These feelings are what I wanted to represent in this album. Isolation paired with wishing you could salvage the love you have for someone while knowing it's already too deep.

It's part of you. I often felt sick. [/] I wanted people to feel sick listening to it, like you're at the club and you took too much ketamine but you can't go home. Or you're about to play a set but in a fight with your girlfriend. Everyone around you is having so much fun but you're not and you won't. Both the ketamine example and the ladder are things I've experienced in achieving the dream mentioned above. I don't want people to relate to this album. I want it to hurt them. Last night, I played the album in it's entirety as a parting gift to fans like the ones that said such sweet things to me last night. Me and my (now) ex-girlfriend got into a fight on the way to the show. It went over very well, and by the time the live performance phase of my set (Mana No Uta) was over, I began to cry as I transitioned into djing for the last portion of my set. I finished the set and tried to escape to go clear my head. On the way out someone gave me ketamine, I took some and went outside to be alone and get myself together after performing my most emotional piece yet. I wasn't really able to decompress, I kept thinking about how I'd be moving away from here and leaving everyone behind. As this is happening, I'm getting swarmed by people telling me they loved my set, complimenting me, celebrating me. I appreciated it but I wanted to be left alone. Performing that album felt like a instance of public self harm. I was literally going through what I wanted the album to represent. I was the character I created in the screenplay I wrote.

As the night ended the sadness I felt for leaving these new friends and my girlfriend overtook me. It scared me. I'm scared right now. But the worst part is it felt familiar. It felt exactly like leaving Saint Louis. These people will never leave my life permanently, but i'm leaving them behind. [edit: 9.26.23] I will most likely never engage with my ex-partner nor the friend mentioned in the last edit ever again. [/] To reiterate, as I'm realizing this and being consumed by it (at the show) people are coming up to me celebrating me. They're telling me how cool I looked. Telling me how amazing my set was. Telling me how much they love the character I play. I had just played the one of the most genuine sets of my life, and still at the end of it I didn't feel like they understood. My emotion was on my face, my true persona on my sleeve. My eyes were red from crying, my hands were shaking from amphetamines. Still I'm seen as the persona I sold them. Once you release your art to the world, it is no longer yours. The experiences people have listening to it are something I'll never fully understand, as they will never understand me. If they actually knew me, would they still be so impressed with what I've done? Who I've become? [edit: 9.26.23] Looking back on this writing and the album now that's it's finished, and now that i'm no longer in the heart of it's conceptual storm - I can truly say I am proud of what I made. I am most proud of being able to create something that had the emotional relevance that it could even put me in a situation mentioned at the end. In a way creating such a dark piece punished me and I will always love this album for that. I spent a lot of energy on making something that'd make the listener uncomfortable, and being the person to perform it made me just as uncomfortable. That's pure.With all that being said I don't feel as if I won't be able to listen to or play these songs out post release, as while it was based on the miasma I was in, I also wanted to make some dark club friendly Nightcore for the girls to grind to. Without:Me is my favorite song I've made in a very long time. I made it in one sitting on Umami's computer the day of Materia XX. The final song will most likely be the most difficult to revisit, however. I finished the song and then two hours later broke up with my girlfriend. It's titled: In Goodbye. [/]

[puffpasstea]

Matilda

A/N: Hi and THANK YOU so much for reading. Your messages always make my day/week. So please don't hesitate to reach out. As always, thoughts, comments, feedback, criticism etc. always welcome!

Read chapters 1, 2, 3, and 4.

Chapter 5

Christopher and I went out to dinner, and, Over the following weeks, continued seeing each other casually. We texted daily, went out for drinks a few times, and saw each other on set often. While I liked him a lot, and certainly enjoyed being around him, I didn't want the relationship to get any more serious. Which, for the time being, felt okay. I wasn't sure how long this would last but I tried my best not to think too far into the future.

Not thinking too far ahead seemed like a good plan. Things were looking up for me. I suddenly found myself surrounded by incredibly kind and hardworking people, a caring and attentive man, and the work I did for the film added some exciting work challenges in my professional life as well.

Aside from dodging my parents phone calls and continuing to leave them vague voice messages about not being able to attend family gatherings because "I had to work" and that "maybe I'll make up for it by visiting them sometime soon." Everything else ways going great. And, in my defense, I wasn't exactly lying to my parents. I did have to work. Granted, filming wouldn't fall apart without me, if I went out of town for a few days, but Fran might die of boredom at the college library if I'm not there. Besides, even though they would never openly admitted, I knew that my family was always better off without me. I'd only bring the mood down. They all had different lives and shared interests. They'd try hard to make me feel included and yet completely miss the point. Of course, I'm sure they'd say the opposite. To them, I'll always be too picky and unyielding. In any case, being under the same roof as them always ended badly. It just makes sense to stick around here.

I've hardly seen Harry since all of this. We still worked together occasionally on film stuff. At least whenever a literature question came up. And I still went to his after-work dinners a few times. He always had everyone over for dinner, drinks, and even attempted to host game nights a few times. But, apart from the obligatory "hello," we rarely spoke.

At the end of an uncharacteristically cold night shoot, I went by Christopher's trailer to see if he was ready to go home yet, secretly hoping he had a hoodie or a jacket in his dressing room that I could borrow. I had not anticipated this weather in August. When I got to his trailer, he was standing outside with his cast mates, drinking beers and talking amongst themselves.

"Hi" I tapped him on the shoulder to let him know that I was there, interrupting a conversation he was having with one of the actors.

"Well, hello!" He paused mid-sentence to greet me, smiled, put his arm around me, and went back to his conversation.

I didn't realize that we were in the casual affectionate touch phase in our relationship already. Luckily, he was facing his friend and didn't notice the surprised look on my face. Harry, on the other hand, did.

He immediately looked away as soon as I caught his eyes. He'd changed out of his costume and was in Nike joggers and an over-sized black hoodie, which he wore often whenever he wasn't in front of the camera, a kind of uniform to separate in-character Harry from real Harry. His overgrowing curls, which were drenched in hair product and slicked back whenever he was filming, were now loosely held off his face by small hair clip. His face was read in many place. No doubt a result of scrubbing it raw to get rid of the layers of make up. I'd seen the same on Christopher on more than one occasion. Even in his current state, he made standing around with colleagues drinking beer look beautiful.

"Alright, guys, it's getting late." One member of the cast announced. "I'm outta here." Gradually, everyone began to follow suit, until the only people left were Harry, his female co-star Sienna, Christopher, and I.

"I can't believe we're off for the next 4 days." Sienna announced while rummaging through her bag for her car keys.

Filming was on pause until everything was moved to the "new location" which just meant the college, where my real job is. This also meant that I was also off from my real job while we gave them most of the library to prep for filming in.

"mhm." Harry agreed, peeling the label off of his beer bottle.

"So, what's everyone doing for 4 days?"

There was a moment of silence followed by mutual shrugs.

Harry laughed and asked if we'd like to spend those 4 days at his place. Run lines, hike, and swim in his pool. Everyone agreed to meet there at 5 pm tomorrow.

"Found my keys. Alright, see you guys then!" Sienna waved goodnight and headed for her car.

"You look cold. I'll go get the car." Christopher head rubbing my shoulders, trying to warm me up. My body was cold but the fact that he'd noticed made me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.

Harry and I were alone now. He did his best to keep his eyes looking at anything but me. To relieve the awkwardness, I went and stood right next to him. That way, we wouldn't have to be facing each other.

"So, it's been a while, how've you been?" He spoke first.

"Yeah, good. I've been good. You?"

"Same. Good." He nodded contemplatively.

"Haven't seen much of you lately."

"Yeah, well, I've been keeping my distance, cuz you seemed mad at me. Plus, you're with Chris now, so....you're probably too busy to give me private English lessons and all that."

"Mad at you? When was I mad at you?"

"You know, for trying to insist that we talk about-- you know, after the--" He kept letting his sentences trail off.

"Well, I'm not mad at you." I declared, squeezing my legs closer together trying to hold on to any body heat left in me.

Without so much as a glance towards me, Harry promptly took off his hoodie and handed it to me.

"Just take it, Matilda" he rolled his eyes when I attempted to protest. I was glad he couldn't see my smile. He hadn't called me Matilda in a while.

"Anyway, I'm glad you're not mad at me because I've missed hanging out with you. And not just for the English lessons, believe it or not."

" sure, sure." I chuckled.

The hoodie was warm and it smelled like him.

"You'll be there? tomorrow?"

"of course, I mean, you just said you missed me. If I'm not there you'll perish."

"I burn, I pine, I perish."

"Shakespeare." I smiled, amused.

"Wait, you mean that's not just from '10 Things I Hate About You?'" He giggled.

"You are clever, Harry Styles."

"Not just a pretty face, you know..."

"That's right. You're also good for a hoodie."

He laughed fully and warmly.

I spotted Christopher's car making the U-turn towards us, and started to leave. "That's my ride. See you tomorrow?"

"Can't wait."

"Hey darlin', hope I didn't keep you waiting" Chris said as I got into the passenger's seat. "Oh, I see you stole Harry's hoodie off his back." He laughed.

I turned to face the window and inhaled deeply taking in the lingering scent in the hoodie.

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #dom!harry #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry's house #matilda

[mhdiaries]

Diary of Clawdeen Wolf

This is my diary. If you want you life to last longer than in takes to read it. You won’t.

July 14th

I got up late so there was no hot water left then I cut myself shaving this morning cause my razor was dull and I was in a hurry to get out of the freezing water but amazingly enough the day actually went down hill from there… Later on Crescent, the alpha kitty, must have sensed my mood cause instead of spending the night prowling around her curled up in my lap and kept me company while I sorted through my funk.

July 15th

It rained today. I hate the rain. It totally caused my hair to poof out and I was not about to spend the rest of the day looking like a were-poodle. So I grabbed a pair of electric clippers and 15 minutes later I had new ‘do. It’s short, scary cute and perfectly wolfish. I think I’ll keep it for a while or at least until this rain goes away. I have decided that when I control my own fashion empire I’m going to have a stylist on call just for rainy days.

August 4th

I hate, hate, hate! Sharing a room with my sister. Howleen totally growls in her sleep, she wears my clothes and she got sprayed by a skunk last week which means that every time she takes a bath, which isn’t often, it stinks up the whole room. I’d hope she gets fleas but she’d just spread them to me.

August 7th

I’ve got to get serious about planning what I’m going to wear on the first day of school this year. I mean it’s not like I’m worried about some monster showing up and looking more fabulous than me but I feel obligated to set the bar for everyone else. Last year on the first day of school I caused a minor traffic jam just walking across the school parking lot. Its going to be hard to top that but I’ve been experimenting with some new hair styles and I’m considering just asking for a school assembly so that crowd control won’t be a problem.

August 10th

I tried a new hair remover made especially for werewolves. The label says it will totally eclipse unwanted hair and it’s supposed to keep you hair-free for a week…not. It’s expensive, it stings worse than wolfs bane and I still have to shave twice a day! What a rip…I could have used that money for a new belt.

August 15th

Spent the day at Draculaura’s. She’s the absolute sweetest BMFF ever! Although if she doesn’t stop trying to feed me tofu I’m going to bite her j/k ;p. She has like rooms and rooms of clothes. It’s like a fashion museum. So awesome! She always says that we’re going to pick out clothes to give Ghoul Will but she always gives most of them to me. I pretend I don’t need them but with so many brothers and sisters it’s not like there’s a lot of extra money to go around for new fashions. I guess we must have gotten a little loud though cause we woke up her dad. He doesn’t really like werewolves very much but he tolerates me cause I’m friends with Draculaura. Whatever. It’s not like I want to hang out with him either. Anyway, the best thing about Draculaura is that she doesn’t give me clothes because she feels sorry for me, she does it because she’s my friend.

August 19th

When to The Maul with Clawd today. He needed a new football and I needed to get some ideas for my next hair style. While I was there I saw the strangest thing. I was walking past the Witches Kitchen supply store and saw Deuce Gorgon reading a cookbook! I yelled “Yo Deuce, trying to find a recipe for snake?” He dropped the cookbook and looked all embarrassed; at least I think he was. It’s hard to tell what’s going on behind those glasses. I think he would have tried to stone me but Clawd walked up and Deuce chilled. Sometimes it’s cool to have the toughest guy in the school on your side. Thanks bro!

August 21st

If I were a mad scientist, the hairstyle experiment I tried today would be locked away in the lab never to see the light of day again. I flat ironed my hair so it was straight and then I razor cut it. As soon as the curl came back things got ugly. Even Howleen felt sorry for me. It’s a good thing I’m the werewolf equivalent of Rapunzel and my hair will be grown out by the end of the week or I’d be wearing a hat until Halloween.

August 23rd

Draculaura tried to talk me into trying out for the Fearleading squad again. Puhh..leeze. A list of why I’m not a fearleader:

1. I don’t “try out” for anything. 2. I wouldn’t be caught human in those uniforms. 3. -8. Boring and Cleo de Nile 4. While they’re yelling for the boys I’m in the stands flirting with the boys. 5. Boring and Cleo de Nile

I have thought about trying out just to show I could make the team but then I look at my list again and it reminds me why I don’t’ want to.

August 25th

Hung out an the Maul with Draculaura and met a new girl named Frankie Stein. She was shopping with her mom and fortunately for Frankie they ran into us. Otherwise she would have started the first day of school dressed like the Bride of Lame-n-stein. Frankie’s beautiful, and sweet but bit naïve. Fortunately, I’m here to make sure she gets properly educated in the ways of the fierce fashionista.

September 5th

Our annual End of Summer family boo-b-que was today. Mmmmm… fat juicy steaks for everybody. Except for Draculaura of course. She brought tofu dogs, veggie burgers and a human boy named Jackson Jekyll. She’ll always be my BMFF and the sweetest monster ever but ghoulfriend makes some strange choices. Anyway, I could tell he was really nervous, and what human surrounded by werewolves wouldn’t be, until Clawd started talking about football and then the two of them kinda hit it off. I think Draculaura is major league crushing on this guy.

September 6th

I know most monsters are probably dreading starting school but not me. I want to learn as much as I can so that I’ll be totally prepared when I start building my fashion empire. If for nothing else than to be able to move out of the house and get my own place without having to share everything with all my brothers and sisters. Oh no! I think I smell Howleen in the shower! Why couldn’t I have been an only wolf?

#monster high #monster high diary #text post #clawdeen wolf #wave 1

[angeldarkrose]

“I’m sorry.”

You continuously said, “I’m sorry.” But that does absolutely nothing to me. That doesn’t fix anything, doesn’t even make a dent in the damage you did. How was that a good enough apology for what you did to me? Want to know why? Why is it not a good enough apology? Want to know what you did to me? Ig I should start with the notes I made back in June when nothing got through your head. Nobody who was in love should ever feel the way I did when making these notes on June 9th

Before that on May 29th I let my phone die just to get away from you for ten minutes. All I wanted to do was paint in peace and sadly the only thing I could do to get away from your begging was just that. Let it die. I shouldn’t have had to do that. But oh well. June 11th after those notes were made, I cried to my mom about how terrible I felt about myself. I felt disgusted (and I still do). I felt like the only reason you complimented me was so that I would get naked for you. You dragged me in with a nice guy act from the beginning of our time till the end of May. June showed your true colors but I stayed. I wish I could send you videos from May 17th when I was screaming with my best friend about how happy I was to talk to you. The first time we got off the phone, that smile didn’t leave my face for hours. Every time we got off the phone till you guessed it. June. June 22nd with me blacking out should’ve never happened. If you saw how I was, there should have been no pushing. I stayed up till 6am crying that morning while you slept.July 22 your effort slipped completely. What went from getting messages all the time, it went to only getting messages as you walked out the door. I no longer felt important. We had 2 good important conversations between these dates too. But I stayed because I felt too much love for you. July 24 as you saw on my snap story I was so happy. ANY time we talked that's what I looked like. Your voice was the light in my life, so was your laugh. I listened intently to you so I knew what you liked and how you felt at all times. Which is why when you told me a month later that I just wanted to feel included my heart shattered. I just wanted to know you. August 5th. The day my heart was the heaviest it’s ever felt. I was distant that night on the phone because I was going to block you that night when you fell asleep. But yet again I had too much love for you. So I stayed and dealt with everything. Just like you said I had to. I could’ve proved you wrong. You called me at like 3 am that day too and I thought that finally your effort would go back up. I was wrong. August 15th. The day I realized I was nothing but a sex body for you. After not talking for days no matter my mood it seemed like it’s all you wanted. I told you that. But it was blamed on me and your mental health. For months on end I put up with nothing but endless sexualization from you because I wanted you in my life no matter what. But I couldn’t stand to look at myself officially from that day on. August 19th I tried to fix us while you let us drown. My heart sank instead. I stayed through everything just for you to give up. I messaged you in mornings, at night, while riding attractions at theme parks (literally ON them. Riding them), walking around the parks, at lakes. Everywhere I could because I had the effort. I had your city on every widget on my phone. I checked the weather to make sure you were safe. I asked about your hobbies but got nothing but excuses and a stab in the heart back. Even after everything I stayed for you. I defended you to everyone who hated you. But I should’ve let them do what they wanted. I officially dislocated two of my fingers just to save you from the raft because I still believed you didn’t deserve it. Don’t get me wrong. We had manyyyyy great nights, laughs,calls and I’ll always remember them but they’ll be locked up. I don’t want them anymore. I appreciate every single gift I was given. I just wish I had more of your time than your money. You were all I wanted. You were enough for me. Now? As of the 31st I'm still stuck. You’re blocked officially from the 29th. I sobbed so hard I almost threw up after hitting that button. But it had to be done. That whole day it became clear on what happened. I was naive. And I still am. Will always be. People your age seen you for who you are but I couldn’t. But that’s okay. I can handle it now after the week of not being able to eat without throwing up and staying up 48 hours due to heartbreak. Yesterday. Goodness. Yesterday the 29th. I fell asleep at 5am didn’t wake

#personal #honesrly should have known the day you added me with a different name as your accounts something would go wrong

[formeandanycuriousmind]

I went to the Eras Tour!!

So... these days I rarely use tumblr, because I'm pretty busy with adult life and on my free time I like to do other things, but I posted about this in every other social media I have (twitter, facebook instagram), and I really wanted to do a long post talking about it in here.

Two months ago, on august 24th 2023 I made one of my dreams come true, and that dream was seeing @taylorswift live. There's a whole story time about this, I got wailisted by ticketmaster and I didn't get my tickets until two days before the concert, and I got them through twitter! A lot of things happened to me both before and after the concert it was such an eventful day.

But getting to see the eras tour live was one of the greatest experiences of my life, I'm a fan of Taylor since I was thirteen years old, and I consider myself to be a swiftie since the age of seventeen. When I was thirteen and my sister introduced me to Taylor's music, we DREAMED to go to the speak now world tour and saw the DVD multiple times.

I could ramble for hours about my experience but I just wanted to say and post in here that august 24th 2023 was one of the best nights of my life, this has been a pretty shitty years, but those three hours and a half make it all worth it. I laughed, cried, danced, and healed, and it makes it so special to me because it was my first concert ever, and the first concert Taylor ever did in my country. Thank you Taylor Swift, I truly love you, that night was so special

P.S. English is not my first language, sorry if this has mistakes in its redaction, I wrote it in english because I feel like it's the predominant language in here (or anywhere on the internet tbh).

#the eras tour #taylor swift #the eras tour mexico #eras tour mexico city night 1 #me #my face

[oh-munda-kukkad-kamaal-da]

Hey*not here to hate you* .. okay, agreed its a joke and now calm down. Here, have a hug. I like Taylor's music and she is a good person I guess... And it made me so happy when i saw that you send in flowers/good morning messages/asks to your cute lil moots. It was your "funny" opinion and i guess you are one of those okay to being rude and veryy straight-forward.. and btw your music taste isn't even bad, i like a few of the songs you have under Spotify tag. You are cute. Stay hydrated, Vighnesh.*hugs you again AJSKAJAKAJAK*💙

Idc anon. I'll say again, bigger. I've done the best i can to make people happy for the past months. I've had sleepless nights coz someone wanted to rant. I've skipped studying for boards coz someone was anxious and talking about hurting themselves. I wake up every morning and the first thing i check is if it isnt 12 already, go to pinterest download a flower picture and send it to 20 people. For what? It doesn't even give me anything. I just wanted to make people happy with the little love i have coz i never feel loved. No one's there for me when i cry. No one's there for me when i stare at the knife thinking to cut my veins. I just wanted to be that person to others. Ik how it feels when you have no one. Ik how it feels to love an artist. I've spent 2 literal years locked in my home, with people who fed me hate all day, and i had no irl or offline friends. Do yk how that feels? Do yk how it feels to talk to someone after 2 years? Its so weird. I spent 2 years just listening to K391. And you think idk what it is to love an artist. I remember the day when i first listened to K391. It was something in August 2019, i had planned that day to die. I was waiting for my mom to sleep so that i can silently go in the next room and hang myself. That's when i listened to K391. He gave me a dream, he gave me a new life. I promised myself that i would never harm myself and be like him someday. Idk how much you love TS, but my love for K391 will always be more than that. He's the reason I'm breathing, he's the reason I'm alive. Everyday i want to die, and everyday he reminds me that i promised to be like him. But idc if someone talks shit about him. Why does it even matter? K391 for you isnt what he is for me. I dont hate TS, and i dont think she's ugly. I find her really cute tbh. But sorry I'm immature. I didn't know people can get so offended if i say something like that. Coz tbh, people expect others to react how they themselves would have reacted. And i never would have been offended over someone calling K391 ugly, or shit. I probably would have added a lol in that post and scrolled ahead. But I'm sorry, i expected too much of people. You literally judged my character, my personality. You judged everything I've ever done for my so-called friends. You judged me that i would hate my friends coz they're ugly. I mean ofc. For my entire fucking life I've tried to find people who care about me, but i would hate them only because they're ugly. I feel betrayed. Ik I'm wrong. But what's worse is, that everyone made me feel like a pariah, an outcast. This is the only place i called home, and it is a ruin for me now. Because I tried giving every amount of love for people, but they judge me coz i called their favourite artist ugly👍

[cut-small-but-deep]

Enola Rossingol’s Journal:

Rejection (Alternate Version)

This is part 2 of Enola’s Rossingol’s journal entries. This time, it’s if she was rejected by Haytham, instead of giving in to her. I hope you enjoy!

Warning: Angst, Sadness

1755, Green Dragon Tavern, August 5th

I should have wrote this entry yesterday. Though, now I may seem fairly silly and filled with selfish desires that I acted upon quickly that day, I still tend to think to myself, how could I have gone so, so, mindless? This is not the girl I was raised up as, to follow unwillingly another man because of love? How stupid can I be? Very, it seems. Even now, I feel a creeping presence, and this makes my bones quiver.

To Haytham, a letter that will never reach you. I only wish to give you my sincere apologies on how I acted yesterday. I admit to using your vulnerability and manipulate you into maybe, just maybe, have what you wanted with me. You acted in a way that made me realize that I fell in love with the wrong man. Your heart is broken more now, and I have no wishes or desires to break it into more pieces. Haytham, you saw me at my most vulnerable, my most godawful jealous self. Then, the worst happened. Tears Down my face, regretting ever talking to you, not giving you chances to speak as I rushed to leave your… area. Now I wonder what would you have said. What is it about you that made me follow you blindly, that deeply connected my heart to feel pain, feel unworthy of you as you found the love of your life?

For the weeks he was gone, I was Ill shaken with grief of this sudden change. I didn’t realize how much Ziio meant to him until he up and left the group after the fight. When I went into my room, I couldn’t even cry a single tear yet. I was confused, concerned and overall worried something bad must have happened. Then Charles Lee entered the picture, said that he had gone to rendezvous with Ziio once more for the precursor artifact. I sat and waited for another answer from him or anyone.

John Pitcairn was awfully nice. He has a lovely wife of his own, but was there for me like a best friend. Though, the day he left, was the day you came back, yesterday.

Your eyes were so distant, yet so close. When I spoke to you, it felt like you weren’t even there. Something bothered you, and I didn’t understand that.

“Haytham, please.” I asked, arms wrapped around your stern chest, “I only ask that I can be a big part of your life.” “You are,” You said, “I do apologize for being absent here for so long. I had other business to attend. Is there anything else you wish to ask?” “I love you, Haytham. You’ve been a part of my life for so long, a big part. I only wish for more. I beg, please Grand Master, do you… feel the same?”

Your hands clench around mine, putting them in a stance of worthlessness, by my sides. When you let go, your deep crystal hazel like eyes stare. It looks like you’ve been crying. What happened between you and her? I still wonder that to this day, and each time, I remember your stern, cold breathed, shaken answer.

“Enola, you have caressed my cheeks when I was down on my knees, you have cared for my wounds, fought to defend me and my honor when it was weakened. I thank you for Everything you have done for the Order, and for me. But what you ask for cannot be. I see you as a Sister of the Order, a brave and loyal woman to the cause. Understand that I do think you are the most attractive, most wonderful lady I’ve ever had the chance to know best. Though, your love and mine are not the same. I deeply apologize, and I hope tomorrow we can continue our work here. Goodnight, Enola.” To make the heartbreak much, much worse, you plant a kiss on my head, and as I count all the steps you take to your chambers, the tears seemed to fall. I dared not to make a noise from my lips, and let you be.

As I walked to my own room that night, what was on your mind? What was going through it when I asked the simple question? Regret? Sorrow? Annoyance? Even the night seemed dark, like the night itself seemed… empty, lost like me. This rejection, I wonder what I will do for the Order, for you in future days, future nights and years. I might find another hobby, forget about the love I was careless with. I’ll still love you, the ways I’ve always done. You will be the greatest Grand Master Templar the world will ever know, and I will be there to chant your name and drink all my sorrows away.

For you, to you, Grand Master Kenway. Cheers to your health. Though, I may sound obsessive, I swear I’m not. I swear. Maybe I am going out of my mind. Being alone tends to do that to a person.

#haytham kenway #assassins creed #assassins creed oc #assassin's creed iii #assassins creed 3 #assassin’s creed #assassins creed forsaken entry oc version #assassins creed forsaken #assassins creed forsaken entry #Enola Rossingol

[thoughtfulnessme]

30/12/2022 - The year it was.

Tomorrow is the last day of 2022 so I thought I would get in early and write about the year that is was! This year went really quick. It was a challenging year but also one of the best. My husband and I grew even closer to each other and continued to shower each other with love and respect. He truly is my best friend and love of my life and this year reminded me just how grateful I should always be for him. We make the best team together and I know that when we are together we can achieve anything.

January - About a week into January we found out I was pregnant. Within a week, we went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. It was probably one of the most difficult and heartbreaking things we have both gone through - a miscarriage. My husband was by my side and together we got through it. I now know that it happened for a reason but at the time I was just so lost, confused and heartbroken. It was a moment that really shook me because I never imagined that that would be me even though the statistic is 1 in 4 women.

February - In February, I started feeling a bit better and made some goals for myself. I felt motivated to eat healthy and go to the gym as I wanted my body to be as healthy as it could be for when we decided to try again. We went to the beach a lot and just enjoyed each others company.

March - Emotionally, I went through a bit of a rough patch in March. My family came down for a few days and it was really nice to see them and spend time with them. Towards the end of March we booked our tickets to Italy!!! That gave me something to look forward to and I spent most nights and weekends researching and booking things!

April - My 3 brothers came down for Easter so we did a lot of activities together and had a really great time! They went to the casino a couple of times with my husband and won a bunch of money! I also was offered a new job!

May - Towards the end of May, I started my new job and I was so excited!! I went to my friends baby shower and it brought up a few emotions for me. We celebrated my husbands 28th birthday!

June - The best month of the year!! On June 2 we flew to Italy for 3 weeks and we had the most amazing time!!! Our holiday went so smoothly and we had such a great time exploring together, eating and drinking!! We had decided that we would try make a little Italian baby whilst we were abroad and our wish came true!! A couple of days after getting back from our holiday, we found out we were pregnant with our beautiful little rainbow baby!!

July - My morning sickness kicked in and I realised I hated my new job so I quit, had a week off and went back to my old job!! i felt so much happier. We had our first ultrasound - our dating scan - and we saw our precious baby’s healthy heart beat!! We were so relieved and overjoyed.

August - I went back to my old job in the first week of August. We had our 12 week scan in August and towards the end of the month we also popped a balloon and discovered we were having a little princess, a baby girl!!! We were so so happy.

September - We flew up to my family to tell them we were having a baby!! They were all so so happy for us. I told my work and we also announced on social media.

October - Hubby started painting her nursery! We had our 20 week ultrasound we confirmed she was perfect and healthy! I celebrated my 27th birthday and we celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary with a little weekend getaway!!

November - We continued to buy things for the baby! We took progress photos of my belly every couple of weeks. My bump started to get bigger and bigger and I was feeling frequent kicks from her.

December - We celebrated our last Christmas before our little bub joined us. My mum came down for Christmas. We ate lots of yummy food and desert and enjoyed each others company!! Mum and I went shopping and brought heaps of baby stuff!!

We had an amazing year and I am so so excited to see what next year brings for us. I know it will bring us our little bundle of joy and I am so excited to become a parent and to welcome her into this world. I am impatiently counting down the days!! I am 31 weeks pregnant now. I cannot wait to meet her!!

[keikigoodbetter]

....howdy, everyone! Looooong time no see 😅😅

I’m sitting in my room right now, waiting as a friend drives over to spend the last few hours of 2022 with me, and I thought I’d try to put down a few of my thoughts as I reflect on the year. It’s been a while since I checked in for real with y’all and for that I am very sorry. (fwiw I dropped contact with quite a few folks irl too, so it wasn’t just you lol)

2022 repeatedly hit my blindside and hit it HARD. I spent a lot of the year in reaction-mode as surprises both good and bad kept coming at me fast; this year had some of the worst lows of my life, but also some of the best highs. It was overwhelming, to say the least.

At the risk of being too personal, here’s an overview of some of My Notable 2022 Moments:

Start the year about 8 months into a really good headspace, to the point where my psychiatrist agrees that if I’m still A-ok by springtime then I can likely step off my antidepressants!!

Help move my Grandma out of her home and into a memory care facility

Have surgery

May 7: Go dancing with friends I haven’t seen in years, to celebrate being alive and together and that I’ve finally finished my degree

May 10: Find out my parents have filed for divorce and will be selling my childhood home, that our family build by hand, by the end of the summer

May 14: GRADUATE COLLEGE!

May 15: One of my best friends goes in for surgery because her pain-management implant is no longer functional. There are complications and she needs 3 more surgeries before the month is over

Return to martial arts after years away

Help babysit the very sweet toddler-age child of someone I went to gradeschool with. (Have an existential breakdown about how old I suddenly am and how unlikely it is at this point that I’ll get to be a mom)

All summer: help clear out my Grandma’s things from her house, move my dad’s things to his new house, move the rest of our family’s things to my mom’s new house, and do repairs and cleaning at our old house

Have to start reminding myself again to get out of bed and eat and not walk into traffic

A best friend flies in from out-of-state to go with me to a disco night

See the Colorado Avalanche Stanley Cup Championship Parade!

Make a great costume and go to the Renaissance Festival in drag

Officially move out of our house; August and September are time soup

A friend from college that I’ve dearly missed moves back to Colorado

SEE MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE LIVE

My brother gets injured

Our house sells

TWO of my job applications that I was really excited for pan out and I’m asked to interview for both of them. The one I like better calls and offers me the position within 3 days! I’m going to start part-time at the local library in January!!! 😭😆

I spend an amazing afternoon with a friend on a maybe-a-date... 👀

I see many friends and family and have a wonderful holiday season

  ....Realize I might feel ok again soon

 (and, as usual, I also saw a lot of great concerts this year!)

....WHEW. Like I said, it was A Lot All The Time. Sorry to overshare 😅  but I just - idk - I feel like I need to write it down somewhere so there’s a record of all the shit that I experienced in the last 12 months. And I feel like some of you are my legit friends and might care about some of these developments? lol idk 😅 sorry if that’s presumptuous.

Anyways, all this to say that I know I’m not particularly an outlier and that most people have crazy things happen all the time. That’s life! But I hope that if you had a rough year (like me), that things turn around for you soon (also like me?). There is always the promise of something wonderful happening just as much as there is the risk of something terrible; and I think growing up is learning to balance the threat of those two extremes without falling down for too long when a new circumstance hits you.

I grew so much in the last year and for the first time in a long time I’m actually excited about what the future might look like for me! 2023 will be hard and full of new challenges, but I think I’ll be ok. And I think you all will be, too.

💖💖💖

All of my love, forever and ever,

C.

#howdy everybody #I did miss talking to you and I promise to be better next year!! #Also if you ever want to chat pls just let me know I'm ALWAYS lurking even if I'm not posting #Anyways happy New Years and blessings to all of you for the year ahead <3 #My life #2022 #Happy New Year

[robinette-green]

I posted 12,222 times in 2022

That's 12,222 more posts than 2021!

214 posts created (2%)

12,008 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@feralmoonlight

@liliputkalin

@sw124

@dana-chan-the-control-brain

I tagged 434 of my posts in 2022

#glitter rock - 226 posts

#fnaf daycare attendant - 163 posts

#fnaf sun - 143 posts

#fnaf moon - 143 posts

#fnaf fanfic - 117 posts

#sun and moon x reader - 74 posts

#fnaf security breach - 71 posts

#fnaf sun and moon - 69 posts

#digital art - 53 posts

#fnaf fanfiction - 51 posts

Longest Tag: 130 characters

#strongly reminded of the fact that superman’s disguise is literally just a set of glasses but no one ever put two and two together

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Word Vomit

Yo, what’s good!

I have been writing fiction since I was in middle school, starting on the site that was known as Shelfari (before Goodreads ate it). There were several RPG groups that I was a part of, and the writing community there was a joy to create with. I have tried my hand at writing stories on my own before now, but I have only recently become depressed enough to throw myself fully into writing as an emotional outlet (I’m enjoying every minute of it). I cannot promise that there will be no mistakes in my writing, but hopefully, you will still enjoy the stories that are under the mistakes (I am dyslexic, and so I will use the wrong word here and there, and my spelling may be incorrect at times). I want to share my stories in the hopes that others will find the bits that I enjoyed writing as fun as I found them when I wrote them (and when I reread them) ((and then reread them again)).

Also… I do art sometimes.

Here be a link to my AO3

_____________________________________

Current Fanfictions in Progress:

(These are all Fnaf Sun and Moon fanfics 😅)

Fishy Business -MC is a mer who is saved from almost being eaten by Pirate Sun and Moon. 

Two Hunters and a Bloodsucker- MC is a vampire trying their best to live a normal life and Sun and Moon are vampire hunters that attempt to woo the MC. Angst occurs.

Stars in the Darkness- MC starts living in the woods and ends up making friends with forest cryptids Sun and Moon

Jesters and Dragons -The main character is the 4th princess of a large kingdom. Her younger brother, the golden child, is gifted two magical construct jesters modeled after the sun and moon on his 14th birthday. While wishing that they had been gifted to her instead, the main character ends up running into the jesters at every turn, turning her into a blushing stuttering mess as they flirt shamelessly with her. Fluffy fluff fluff fluff. With a smidge of angst.

Monster in the Sea- Sun and Moon are human and go by Solaris and Lucien. The MC is a water dragon. Water dragon reader finds Sun and Moon lost at sea during a storm

((Full list of all my Sun and Moon fanfics))

90 notes - Posted August 31, 2022

#4

People keep doing bug DCA so have a moth Sun.

109 notes - Posted December 5, 2022

#3

See the full post

118 notes - Posted October 16, 2022

#2

ArtFight Attack Number 8.

Was I going to animate this? Yes. Did I? No. Was it partly becuase I had to draw Polar Night 3 times?… maybe…

Polar Night and Midnight Sun are @jack-o-phantom ‘s OCs

127 notes - Posted July 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I have no context for this and I might color it later. I don’t know what he saw but Smiles didn’t like it.

140 notes - Posted April 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[originaldarksoul]

Birthday Disappointment

So basically yesterday, on 19 august, was my birthday and to be honest most people go out with friends on their birthdays, they party and have fun all day long .... nah.... but not my, idk why but yesterday was the worst birthday ever.

so i was up late and it was 12:00 am on 18th august night so basically i was hoping that people will call me and wish me best for my birthday but that was not the case, i waited till 3:00 am hoping for the same but not a single call, i was sad, just imagine how would you feel on your birthday if this happened to you, and well i slept that night knowing that this is reality and nothing can be done of this so i just better sleep...

next day when i woke up and checked my facebook account and saw that there were may wishes for my birthday and i replied to all of them but i wasn't happy still, its good and all that people wished me birthday online but what about real life? i was at home all day waiting and hoping that atleat someone would call me but no one did ... i called and asked some people that i considered my close friends that if they wanna hang out, i didnt remind them of my birthday, they all said that they were busy or they dont feel like it or dont want to hang out. i was soo sad at this point that i was literally about to cry. i cant believe that i cant find a single moment of happiness even on my birthday, it was supposed to be my day but i guess that i was hoping of too much.

at the end of the day i ordered a pizza and fries and ate it alone in my room as a small treat to myself for not dying and making it alive another year.

putting all this aside, i was hoping for a call from someone special on my birthday, my bestie, or atleast i used to think that we were besties, i waited for her to call and if not atleast a text from her on my birthday but to my surprise that call never came and its 20 august today at about 10 pm.

i never thought that i would feel this alone and sad someday but that day finally came, i feel like no one cares a bit about me. why did this happened to me but i know one thing for sure that i will never be able to trust or care for anyone, i am still crying inside while writing this blog.

i hope someday i would really feel happiness T.T

#sad #broken #new blog #post #im crying #alone #crying