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fairycosmos · 4 years

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holy shit so im korean and i got monolids and I FUCKINF HATE THEM SO MUCH..... the white boys in my school think its funnt to pull on them whilw the girls poke fun at how i have “kpop eyes” and masacara gets Everywhere and Fuck Im so pissed that i cant afford those eyelid surgeries brcause i hate myself and my stupid fuckinf ching chong useless mono-fucking-lids sorry for rant im just. done!!!!!

FUUUUCK the racist dumb fucking white boys at your school, holy shit. what the hell is wrong w people. you have every right to be hurt and mad about this, even if it's painful. it's totally natural to be annoyed, pissed off, sad etc and to process those emotions however you need to. cry about it, write about it, talk about it. im fuckin proud of you for getting to this point and still going to school and making an effort. i know confronting this type of issue is usually a lot more nuanced than simply trying to ignore them or whatever. so is there any way you could talk to a teacher about this, report it for what it is? bullying, racism ignorance and absolute delusion - seriously, these assholes are so fuckin brain dead it's unreal. they have nothing going on in their heads. and you don't deserve to have to put up with that. at the same time, they need to be reprimanded for their behaviour somehow. and maybe if you ask the school for help, they'll be able to support you and keep you out of their vicinity as much as possible. their priority should be your safety and education, there has to be something they can do. i don't know what your school is like and i get that a lot of them are useless when it comes to this sort of thing, but it's always worth a shot. there's policies they must abide by and procedures to put in place. if there's any adult offering help, a teacher or a counselor or even your parents to begin with, don't be afraid to tell them what's going on. it's scary at first, and maybe your mind will want to reject the idea, but it'll make your life easier in the long run. you truly don't have to deal with this alone. the initial act of reaching out is the most difficult part, but it doesn't have to be a huge deal to do right by yourself. please just consider it for now, and know that it is always an option.

i understand that bullying can really fuck up your self esteem like, ive been out of school for like a year and what i experienced still gets to me. but with personal growth, focusing on your mental health and a network of support your perception of yourself will improve over time. it's inevitable. confidence and the ability to self soothe comes with age, sooner than you realize. when you begin to accept who you are bc you can't change it, when you learn that seeing yourself as an object is a scam you're brainwashed into cause it's profitable, when you recognize all of the ways you can experience this world that have nothing to do with appearance and pleasing others - everything changes. your mindset shifts bit by bit. you're just young rn so this feels like everything, and it absolutely is a big deal but it's not all that you are. school is such a bubble. point is, it genuinely won't always feel like this, no matter how permanent it seems in the moment. at the end of the day the behaviour of these racists is literally a reflection of them and the type of people they are, it has nothing to do with you or what you look like or anything you've done. it is not your fault and your identity is not dictated by their words. they'd find a 'problem' with anyone because they're the ones with the issue and they're insecure as helllll. not only that, but you get to live with the knowledge that you're a better, kinder, smarter and cooler person than they'll ever be in their whole lives. maybe that doesn't matter to you right now but it's a significant underlying fact. i really hope you're able to get to a place of appreciation for your race, your appearance and most of all yourself regardless of what these idiots think. again, im not sayin you're wrong to be effected bc obviously that's not the case. but even trying to accept that your worth doesn't hinge on other people, or whether or not you have monolids, is a good place to start. im seriously rooting for u. these kids will get what's coming to them eventually. try to focus on confronting one day at a time, and when that feels like too much, one hour at a time. even a minute at a time is good enough. and always remember that you have a choice to lean on those who care for you even if you don't want to. you have nothing at all to be ashamed of. anyway this got long i could go on forever bc i just can't fuckin believe but.....if you need a friend or if you want to rant, i'll be here. sending a lot of warmth and strength to you love.

#anon

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