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darthspideys · 6 years

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Looking back (t.h)

Type: Tom Holland x reader

Word Count: 2607

Summary: Months after you break up, you run into Tom, stirring up old memories

A/N: very long, and very angsty :)

On a warm spring day in central park, you and Tom Holland sat side by side on a bench. He had his arm around you, but the two of you didn’t say anything, you just sat enjoying the others company. For weeks the two of you had been going steady, even moving in together but you still enjoyed the small things about being together Like going back to the spot where you first met, just to sit and revel in what was your relationship. Not to mention it was great to get out of your stuffy New York apartment and get some fresh air.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Tom asked as you stared at the buildings surrounding the park.

“How happy I am.” You replied as Tom planted a small kiss on your cheek. “And it may or may not have something to do with a certain actor who’s in central park right now.”

“Even with me leaving?” He asked.

“You know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. This is what you love, and I love you so I’m not going to hold you back. Plus you have to give those Tumblr fangirls something to watch or I don’t know what they’ll do.

“Perfect answer, I’ll try to remember that when you call me and beg for me to come home.” He smiled, pulling you closer to him.

“Another show of how much I love you.” You replied, snuggling further into him. “Somehow I feel like there is someone here somewhere taking pictures of us. Probably from Daily Mail, they seem fascinated lately.”

“They’re fascinated with anything that walks, has a significant other and has been in a movie or high budget Youtube Video. But don’t tell me you of all people aren’t enjoying the attention.”

“I see you’ve caught onto my vanity.”

“I caught onto it the first time I saw you look at yourself in a mirror, and keep looking for ten minutes.”

“Hey. I was trying to fix my hair okay? It’s hard to live up the curl reputation of the Tom Holland.”

“What?”

“I keep telling you, you have to go to Tumblr and search Tom Holland, you will be creeped out and laugh uncontrollably in the span of two minutes.”

“I think I don’t want to know.”

“Whatever you say.” You laughed, thinking about the things you had seen on Tumblr, you became so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t notice Tom scoot away from you and bend down slightly towards the ground. You turned back to him, “Hey, do you want to go get something to-?” Your eyes went wide, “Tom! Are you-?”

“Proposing-? Not exactly” He smiled up at you. He opened the palm of his hand and revealed a small ring laying on top of his palm, attached to it was a small chain. “It’s a promise ring its supposed to symbolize our commitment to this relationship so it’s not an engagement ring but it’s still pretty important.”

You loved Tom Holland. It was something that months before you had been proud to say but now, after everything, it seemed like something you had to keep to yourself. Something not so easily said after everything that had happened. It was months later and you were still living in your old apartment, sleeping in the now empty bed that used to hold both of you. The apartment that used to hold all your happiness, now empty except for your own loneliness.

You woke up one morning and did your usual getting up routine. Shower, get dressed, eat breakfast go to work. Only you didn’t know that someone else was going to intrude on your regular routine. You were a little late to work on the account of the fact that you had woken up in the morning and then laid down and fell back asleep. You hadn't even had time to eat breakfast you had just rushed out of the house, a cup of coffee in hand, rushing down the crowded New York streets, trying desperately not to be too late.

That's when you ran right into Tom Holland. The impact hit you suddenly, and you almost dropped the coffee before grabbing it right before it hit the ground. “Sorry..” You muttered quietly, compose yourself. You hadn’t even had a chance to look at the man you had run into.

“Wow, you're fast.” but you recognized that voice, immediately.

“Tom-?” You asked in disbelief, you hadn’t seen him in months.

“(Y/N)?” He replied, and the two of you stood there, staring at each other as a deafening silence hung in the air, even with the surrounding chaos of New York.

“I didn’t know you were in the city.”

“We’re filming part of Spiderman 2 here, but I’m off to London soon.”

“Still going between the two?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I-” Still love you.

“It was good to see you, (Y/N).” And with that Tom scurried off, leaving you frazzled and even later for work.

It was the same fight that the two of you had had a million times. You never wanted him to leave, to go film but he had to go. Acting was what he loved to do but he loved you too and he didn’t want to see you upset. So he tried, he didn’t just leave he stayed and he tried to talk to you, tried to make you feel better. Assure you that he was coming back, that he was always going to come back. Only it never seemed to make it better.

“You have to go because I’m not gonna stop.” There were tears rolling down (Y/N)’s face, and she was hyperventilating. “I want you to stay, and I feel like a child, asking their parent not to go to work, and I’m not four Tom so you need to go.”

“I’m not going to leave you like this, (Y/N), what can I do to make it better?”

“You can’t! And that's just it, I want you to stay, I want you to be here with me. I don’t want to have to come home to an empty apartment for three months, but that's just it isn’t it? This is what I signed up for, and I love you but this, this is torture”

“And what you don’t think I miss you too? What that I’m happy to go? I love acting, (Y/N) its what I’ve chosen to do with my life, but it kind of sucks the fun out of it when I’m thinking about my crying girlfriend three thousand miles away.”

“Oh, I’m sorry that I’m ruining this for you. I’m such a burden, your crying girlfriend at home, waiting for you to get back from war, tending to the children and crying every single day.”

“(Y/N), you know I don’t-”

“This is why you need to go. We just end up fighting when you don’t, so I love you okay? I’ll be fine. Have fun. Can’t wait to see the movie.”

You made it to work and told your boss that you had been in the emergency room for an especially bad cold, complete with a fake sneeze and some coughs. Luckily she believed you and you headed right back to your desk, willing yourself to focus on writing the pitches for the studio. You had a lot of work to get done. Only you could barely focus and every other word you typed turned out to be Tom. You would scurry to erase the word before anyone could see it, although no one was looking. That was something you did a lot.

A few hours later, it was time for your lunch break. You rushed out of the building, still hungry from earlier in the morning when you had skipped breakfast-and ran into Tom. You stopped at your favorite cafe, one that you used to go to with Tom but that that point, you were too hungry to even realize that.

On a cold day, you sat in that same cafe, months earlier, eating your food dejectedly. You missed Tom, not so much that you couldn't go on with normal life, but enough that you felt it. You hang out with your friends, you went to work but there always was a Tom shaped hole. When you would laugh and look to your left to see if he was laughing too then you would realize that he wasn’t there.

So there you sat, alone in the cafe, trying to remember if you were going to set after lunch or back to the office. That’s when you heard about 10 shutter clicks and someone scream, “Is that Tom Holland?”

You looked up from your food and saw that it was. There was Tom, smiling as fans stopped to take selfies with him until he looked around the room and saw you. His smile got wider and he said, “Sorry guys just here to collect my girlfriend.”

He walked over and sat across from you at the table. “You look depressing. Eating alone, in our place.”

“What else did you expect me to do? I was hungry, and your the one who cooks.”

“Don't tell me you eat takeout everytime I’m gone.”

“Sometimes I eat ramen.”

“Disgraceful.”

“I thought you were supposed to be gone for another month.”

“We ran really ahead of schedule.”

“And you came all the way back to me?”

“Well, yeah. I love you don’t I?”

“I guess you do.”

At the end of the day, you got home and collapsed onto the couch. Your phone buzzed with a text from your friend, Alex and a link to a daily mail article. You already knew you were in trouble from the title, Tom Holland and (Y/N) spotted together in New York, could a reconciliation be in sight? (Even after that video)

And sure enough, below that was a picture clearly taken on a cell phone of you and Tom in the aftermath of your crash. It looked like the two of you were having a nice conversation, like the two of you had planned on meeting. You sighed, this was exactly what you needed, after everything it seemed like the rumors and stigma surrounding you had finally gone down. Your name had stopped popping on on various celebrity gossip blogs, late-night comedy shows, CNN, and youtube parody videos. Now, this would bring the whole thing up again, and the infamous video would be relayed thousands of times again.

The next day, it was the number one trending video on youtube, again. Your name found itself again on various gossip blogs, TV shows, and Tumblr. You decided that at that point you could just work from home because if anyone saw you they were either going to scream at you or clap you on the shoulder and say you did a good job-again, just had it had been when the video first came out.

Somehow through all of that laying in bed, you remembered that she had never aplogized to Tom. Not really, she had said the hollow, “I’m sorry.” but not what she was sorry for. She had never really, really apologized, never laid it all out and given him the room for him to forgive him. That’s when you came up with a crazy idea, you were going to go apologize to him. It took you an hour but she wrote out an apology in your iPhone notes and got dressed to go to Tom. You practiced what you were going to say in the mirror a good ten times and decided then she was ready to go.

Another twenty minutes later you found herself outside Tom’s new apartment. You had gone there once before to bring Tom something he had left when he moved out. It was dark, and the streetlights were on, as well as the light ion the main living room of the apartment, you could see inside barely, but no one was in the living room. You walked up to the door and almost knocked, but walked back down an onto the sidewalk again. Then you repeated the motion, again finding yourself on the sidewalk. From the sidewalk, you could see Tom and Harrison walk into the living room, smiling and turning on the TV.

It was the third movie premiere you had been to with Tom, and you were still as nervous as it had been the first time. There were so many celebrities around and it was easy for you to feel starstruck and a massive amount of anxiety. You smiled through it, and you wouldn’t let Tom see you nervous because he lived for these, he loved being able to take pictures with fans and talk to his costars and the media.

Needless to say, your emotions were running a little high. So what happened afterward and how bad it got made a little more sense, but only a little. And everyone else found themselves completely surprised and confused.

After the two of you watched the movie, you were heading back out to the car and you stopped at a point at the back of theater that was deserted. That’s when Tom decided to tell you.

“(Y/N) I have something to tell you.” His eyes were serious.

“What?” You smiled back at him.

“I have to move to LA.”

Your smile disappeared and your face dropped. “What?”

“The commute, New York, London, LA it's not working. I have to cut out the middleman if my career is going to work. It’s not all a done deal yet but I want you to come with me.” He took your hands in his and allowed it to sink in.

You would look back on that moment and have no idea what came over you, but in the moment all you could feel was the anger coursing through your veins. “And what? Leave all my friends? My job? What do you expect me to do Tom pack up my whole life for you?”

“(Y/N) I would never ask you-”

“Except that you are!” You tore your hands away from his, violently. “I give so much Tom, I wait for you, and I go to these things. ANd I love you but I don’t have any more to give!”

“(Y/N)-”

“Can you give me a bone? What do you expect me to do follow you around like a puppy? We live together Tom you can’t just expect me to uproot my life, on something you told me at eleven o’clock at night! What kind of one-sided relationship crap is that!”

He stared at you in disbelief. “I don’t think of you that way.”

“Except that you do! It's easy for you to say that Tom when your not the one on the receiving end!” You threw your purse on the ground in frustration, making a loud noise. “You are a selfish jerk Tom Holland, and I’m done! I’m done being your kept women because I can not live like this!” You ripped off your promise ring necklace and there it on the ground. “We are done! So don’t come home, figure it out!”

And with that, you stomped off.

Then the next day the video was posted on Youtube.

You walked up to the door and almost knocked one last time. You looked in the window again, Tom was laughing, Tom was happy, and he deserved that. After everything you had done he deserved that, so you walked down from the door onto the sidewalk and all the way home.

#tom holland x reader #tom holland #tom holland x you #tom holland fanfic #tom holland angst #tom holland imagine #gabbys fics #tom holland fanfiction

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nightincider · 7 years

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A Somewhat Skewed Guide to Listening to Taylor Swift

I wrote this for a friend a year ago who was interested in getting into Taylor Swift and had no idea where to start - this is by no means a formal review, but a casual personal overview on Taylor Swift that I thought would be amusing to post here.

Warning: unfiltered, unedited rambling :’D

Disclaimer: I confess I’m not familiar with 100% of her discography (I usually don’t listen to the bonus tracks/know all of her standalones)

Note: I will be going in chronological order of her discography even though that’s not how my journey through her stuff went

Taylor Swift (2006)

don’t listen to this if you actually hate country music bc this is defs more on the country side of her country-pop crossover (mandolins, banjos, thankfully no annoying vocal twang)

this album is a great insight to her roots as a songwriter but it’s best enjoyed if you already like her, it’s like peeking into the old diary of someone you admire

Picture to Burn - hilarious breakup song trash talking an ex about how his pickup truck is stupid (you think I’m kidding but I’m not), video is awesome and shows her band trashing his house. I once sang this at karaoke and my friend fucking died and she didn’t believe the lyrics were actually a T Swift song

Mary’s Song (Oh My My My) - a really pretty, sappy gem about a long term love

everything else I could take or leave tbh

Fearless (2008)

tbh I still don’t “get” this album bc it’s a bit immature for my tastes but I’m sure young teen me would have loved it if it came out then. But overall I feel like this album only disappoints me bc her later work is so much better. Otherwise it’s actually pretty great

Fearless - the title song for good reason, appropriate way to begin the album and starts off with the attitude of facing love with a, you guessed it, fearless outlook

Love Story - ok the Romeo & Juliet ref and the sappy lyrics are kinda cringeworthy but overlooking that it is probably one of her most well-written pop songs to date in terms of the melody, arrangement, catchiness etc and I will always have a soft spot in my heart for this

Breathe (feat. Colbie Caillat) - understated soft, sad pretty track

Forever and Always - I really love the melody in this one and the mentions of rain. This feels like the precursor to Mine (off Speak Now), except the relationship in the song didn’t actually work out

Change - notably NOT about relationships but about looking forward to positive changes and winning in life whatnot. It’s uplifting and I see it as the prequel to Long Live (from Speak Now)

everything else is not bad but doesn’t quite make my favs like this list. shoot me but I find Fifteen and You Belong With Me way overrated

Speak Now (2010)

supposedly before writing this album Swift wanted to go with the concept “Enchanted” (which is one of the songs as well) but her label told her she needed to show she was maturing and not make an album that was basically Fearless 2.0 so she opted for the idea of “Speak Now”, which is total (sometimes brutal) honesty

This album does indeed speak her mind, in the sad, happy, and even embarrassing ways (coughs the title track is about her fantasizing about crashing her ex’s wedding and stealing him away and makes comments about how the bride’s gown looks like a pastry)

Before Red, Swift released a lot of singles w/ multiple versions, usually a US (read: more country) and international (read: more pop/rock) one.

IMO, the singles on Speak Now (Mine, Back to December, Story of Us) sound way, way better on the international edition. So please try to find those versions!

Mine - please check out the international version it’s miles better than the US version (more driving rhythm/urgency, better guitar riff, the US version is too laid back IMO)

Sparks Fly - a song about undeniable chemistry, the chorus is one of my favs

Back to December - slow, sad, and beautiful. I almost cried over this. I prefer this to Dear John bc it’s not as brutal and more accessible (Dear John is great too but really hard to listen to that often). Again international version is better bc the mandolin part in the US version is annoying.

Mean - kind of childish but that’s why I love it, it’s the pop song equivalent of a kid sticking their tongue out at their bullies on the playground

The Story of Us - not as emotionally wrenching as a lot of the other breakup songs but probably the catchiest and I love the beat

Enchanted - love at first sight type song. I really like the song structure (especially how it builds up) and instrumentation, and the bridge stanza is my favorite

Better Than Revenge - T Swift doing Paramore

Innocent - T Swift doing Evanescence, also I think that song was a jab back at Kanye West lmfao

Long Live - song about taking on the world, proving ppl wrong, having great adventures, I wish I could someday feel worthy of singing this song

the one dud IMO is Never Grow Up (it’s kinda boring plus I think she was too young to write well from the perspective of a parent).

Red (2012)

This was THE album that converted me to the cult of Swift and I hope it converts you too

I confess I only really noticed the beauty of Speak Now bc I went back and listened to it properly after I got tired of spinning Red during my commute

Fun fact: I only bothered to give this album a try after my white hipster bestie (whom I had a huge gross crush on at the time) rec’d it and I was like wtf at first but he was like no really give it a shot, so I did.

Red is every bit as honest as Speak Now but it’s not as bitter or playful it’s more sad and resigned and more nostalgic, wistful, you get it...

It’s painful for me to rec my favs from it bc I’d say the ENTIRE FUCKING ALBUM but I’ll. try. /grits teeth

State of Grace - those drums! that guitar! that whole “we’re on a journey and it’s beginning” feel… this is her strongest album opening track to date (1989 totally bombed in that aspect, fuck Welcome to New York)

Red - I don’t know how a song has literally 2 unique melody lines but still manages to be so amazing. Unfair.

Treacherous - the whole excitement of falling in love with someone that you probably shouldn’t but presented in an unexpectedly tender way

All Too Well - by this point Swift has a trend of making song #5 the sad slow ballad (it’s a thing her fans have noticed). This song hits me hard on a personal level bc it reminds me of my 2.5 year relationship that ended and it’s incredibly well-written, from the lyrics reminiscing on the past to taking you back into that moment during the choruses, also the bridge just breaks me. This is probably the pinnacle of sad breakup songs and you cannot convince me otherwise

I Almost Do - All Too Well’s more timid but no less heartbreaking cousin

Holy Ground - this is kind of the banner song of the album despite not being the title track. While Red is meant to set the backdrop for this album’s themes, this song embodies the core of the album best IMO. And it has a danceable beat to boot.

Sad Beautiful Tragic - I used to skip this a lot after Holy Ground bc it’s a bit of a downer but it has an understated beauty

Starlight - want to see Swift write fanfiction? well here’s your chance. This song is about Ethel and Bobby Kennedy as teenagers. also embarrassing confession: I want to sing this at my own wedding if I ever get married someday. Best part is the piano line that evokes twinkling stars

I’m rather indifferent to the big pop singles in this album (I Knew You Were Trouble, 22, We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together. They’re good but, ultimately the best stuff is the album tracks)

1989 (2014)

the album that converted a lot of pop lovers to the cult of Swift

shows a lot of growth and experimentation since Red, but Red is still personally my favorite, this one’s a close second tho

Swift has said in interviews that Red was a devastating album to write but 1989 is more about moving on from that and focusing on herself and it’s overall both more optimistic (regarding life in general) and calculated and cynical (regarding romance)

1989 is the year Swift was born, btw. Coincidentally the album has 13 tracks not counting the bonus ones and 13 is Swift’s favorite number (she was also born on Dec 13)

I have this whole conspiracy theory level of analysis going on about how this is a sequel to Red and how those two albums are linked in a way that the others aren’t

let’s get it out of the way, Welcome to New York is the obvious dud. sorry to our mutual friends who love NY but the song kind of sucks in itself oops. Like it’s very uninspired and generic

for an actual good song about NY check out Vienna Teng’s Goodnight New York

Blank Space - overplayed but I love the idea of Swift parodying what her critics think of her

Out of the Woods - it’s a song about uncertainty in a relationship and the ending is left up to interpretation and I love the repetitive chorus bc it illustrates the feeling of being trapped in the woods and seeing trees flash by you. The bridge has a personal anecdote (the brakes/stitches mentioned are from a minor snowmobile accident).

All You Had to Do Was Stay - about a dream Swift had where all she could do is say “stay” in a high pitched voice to an ex and it embarrassed her lol. Typical pining song but something about those “stays” sound way more painful than comical in practice.

Shake It Off - a good pick-me-up for the slow days and the only big single of hers I haven’t gotten utterly sick of

I Wish You Would - reminds me a lot of HAIM, and it’s oddly one song that I almost never skip when it comes up on my commute shuffle despite having heard every song on this album too many times. understated but solid.

Wildest Dreams - Swift doing Lana Del Rey better than Lana Del Rey

How You Get the Girl - cute but all I can think of is her cat in the Diet Coke commercial that used this song

This Love - I feel like this is the song tying the album together, it’s the most vulnerable track and the one flame of hope amidst all the jadedness that pervades the album regarding romance. It’s kind of meta in some way like it describes not only T Swift the character in the album but also possibly T Swift the person? This song is very important to me.

I Know Places - kind of a darker sound (for her)

Clean - a song about moving on from a relationship, I’m already biased towards this bc Imogen Heap worked on it but it’s really beautiful, and I love when Heap’s harmonies come in.

New Romantics - the freakin song of our generation, the lyrics are so fucking real I can’t even

misc/standalones

Safe and Sound (feat. the Civil Wars) - from the Hunger Games OST, it’s pure folk goodness

Sweeter than Fiction - the happy ending we all want. has a bit of a beach-rock vibe to it with a very 80s production

Ronan - written for a child who died from cancer, it’s beautiful and sad

Thank you for reading if you’ve even made it this far and I hope I didn’t overwhelm you, happy listening! :D

#Taylor Swift #Taylor Swift Fearless #Taylor Swift Speak Now #Taylor Swift Red #Taylor Swift 1989

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