#but I don't think i've ever seen anyone talk about the specific pain of going through the same things women do but not having a community t

[quotes-and-recs]

There's a special kind of ecstasy I feel when I read an Andrew Joseph White book and his protag unapologetically talks about the horrors of being a woman (without pulling any punches), and talks about the horrors of being a woman when a woman is not what you are

#his books are so so special to me #I see posts all the time that talk about how hard it is to be a woman #and it is! #but I don't think i've ever seen anyone talk about the specific pain of going through the same things women do but not having a community t #support you #i never feel more seen or included than when I read his books #andrew joseph white #hell followed with us #the spirit bares its teeth #compound fracture #my post #gender queer #this is a little bit of a rant post #Mr white I owe you my life

[kaisacobra]

Let You Go - Tara Carpenter

Summary: It's been a while since Tara has seen you. She misses you, but maybe she's broken your relationship to a point beyond repair.

Warnings: Violence, blood, mentions of death, angst

Word Count: 7.9k

a/n: thank you so much for the ride guys! Here we have part 3 of second best, which (kind of) ends this trilogy. Of course, I'm still writing the alternate ending so stay tuned if you're interested!

third part of Second Best

It was two in the afternoon when Tara began rummaging through that box she kept at the back of her closet, sorting the contents into "burn" and "don't burn," all in line with what her therapist had advised. She needed to overcome the past, even if in small steps, and what better way to start than by burning traces of when everything started going wrong?

She looked into the box, examining the contents that would survive the purge. To no one's surprise, most of the photos contained you.

Tara reached for a specific photo among the others. A polaroid depicting a hug between the two of you, both with radiant smiles and faces so close that your cheeks touched. Mindy had taken this photo just before you both visited an amusement park that had been in town for a while. Tara's heart throbbed painfully. She missed you. A lot.

The girl sat on the bed with slumped shoulders, clutching the polaroid as if it were a precious possession. She couldn't take her eyes off the image of the two of you, with a happiness and innocence that would soon be ruined by her own actions. With a tired sigh, Tara closed her eyes, remembering her therapist's words.

The initial sessions were slow and unproductive, mainly because Tara kept her guard up and refused to talk much about her life to a stranger. Over time, the man became a pleasant presence, and Tara began to see him as some sort of a grandfather figure trying to advise his granddaughter. That's when she started sharing her problems and actively sought solutions.

"Do you think she'll forgive me?" she remembered asking, looking at her hands with shame. The bright white light in the room made the sweat on her palms stand out on her tan skin.

"Tara..." The man sighed, taking off his glasses as if he was preparing for a battle. "Don't you think you should worry about forgiving yourself first?"

The girl frowned and looked at him as if he were crazy. If anything, she was guilty of not only ruining her own life but also becoming a problem in everyone else's. She had no right to see herself as a victim. "What do you mean?"

"From what you've told me, I've realized you harbor a lot of resentment towards yourself on the inside." He pointed to Tara's chest, and she noticed no hint of judgment in his expression. Still, she felt strangely exposed. "Have you ever really reflected on this internal conflict you feel? About feeling guilty for things beyond your control?"

Tara scoffed and leaned back until her shoulders rested against the chair again, crossing her arms and staring at the walls like a stubborn child avoiding conflicts. "Beyond my control? I was awful to the best person in my life! I let a murderer into our life for-"

"See? You're doing it again." He smiled with a patience that bordered on irritating for the girl, crossing his hands on the glass table that separated them. "I'm not saying you're not at fault for being rude to your friend, but I'd like to focus on your past. That girl's attacks, parental abandonment... You're not to blame for that, Tara, but it doesn't stop you from carrying the pain anyways. Don't you think it affects you?"

She remained silent, but now her head was bowed in embarrassment. Her arms, once crossed, now enveloped her elbows in a half-hug, as if that would protect her from something. Without more exchanging words, the therapist followed the cue and continued speaking in a gentle tone, as if trying to educate a wounded animal.

"Tara, have you ever talked about your concerns with anyone, or have you just kept all these grievances inside until they exploded? Have you ever had any healthy coping mechanism?"

I don't deserve one. That's what she wanted to say, but didn't, because she knew it would make the situation even worse.

"Do you think I don't recognize the signs? Troubled young adult refuses help out of fear of abandonment and ends up driving everyone away, taking the opportunity to take out your emotional wounds on others? You won't be the first or the last person I've seen with this pattern." He spoke as if he could read her thoughts, leaving the girl a little scared.

Sitting up straighter in the chair, Tara turned her gaze back to the therapist, momentarily becoming interested in the conversation again. "Okay, what do I do to end this? What do I do to not be like this anymore?"

Broken, she wanted to say.

The man smiled gently and pulled open a drawer in the wooden cabinet to his left. Tara watched impatiently as he took out a black notebook and placed it on the table between them, looking between her and the object with a certain expectation. "I thought you could start documenting your feelings on paper, instead of keeping them locked within you. I think it can help you in the long run."

"Do you think writing in a journal will make me less of an ass and make y/n forgive me?" Tara replied with a sarcastic tone.

"I think it can influence a change in behavior, yes." The therapist reaffirmed, deliberately ignoring the girl's foul language. "And this exercise is not about y/n; it's about you. How do you expect her to forgive you if you can't do it for yourself?"

As stubborn as Tara was, the words had truly left an impression on her. That's why, on top of her messy desk, was the damn black notebook. The calluses on her hand throbbed with the memory of the force with which she wrote each new entry, trying to release her negative feelings onto paper.

She knew that your name was probably the most repeated word on all the pages, like a sacred mantra that she had to honor. Tara couldn't escape the fact that many of her emotions were so directly intertwined with the idea of you, and honestly, she accepted having to carry that burden as her own Sisyphean stone. She deserved it, after all.

Looking again at the polaroid, she sighed and slowly ran her thumb over the smiling image of your face, almost wishing she could offer you the same affection in person.

She was going to change. She had to change. For you.

_

"That was pretty good!"

The floodlights on the university’s sports field lit up as it began to get dark, allowing the young athletes to continue their training even at night. There weren't many people around, but you could see that the track team seemed to be gearing up to practice for the 100 meters a little to your left.

"Kate, I hit the white part." You grumbled in response to your friend's encouraging words. Kate Bishop had convinced you to attend one of her archery practices to "see her talents firsthand," and at some point, she thought just watching wouldn't be enough, and that you had to experience the sport for yourself.

That's why you were now on the archery training field with her, holding a semi-professional bow that was much heavier than you expected, proving over and over again that you were definitely not a natural at this.

It didn't seem to discourage Kate, however, as the girl still smiled with enthusiasm while looking at your target with a single arrow stuck in it. "At least you hit the target! You're improving; it could be worse."

"True! You could have hit someone's foot, like Miss Bishop did once." One of Kate's teammates, Yelena, commented with a laugh. The two, along with Maya Lopez, made up the Blackmore University women's archery team and were surprisingly good at it, having won all the recent competitions.

You laughed along with the other two while Kate gradually turned redder and assumed a betrayed expression. "Hey!" She protested.

It was amazing how people you had known for such a short time could make you feel so good. You couldn't even remember the last time you had laughed so freely since the incident with Tara happened, and that was already a significant victory for you. It's not like being with Mindy, Chad, Anika, and the others didn't make you happy, but it was hard to enjoy the moments with them when you remembered that, in any other situation, Tara would be there with you too.

Your phone vibrated in your pocket, and you leaned the tip of the bow on your foot, letting its weight rest on your shoulder so you could reach the device with your hands. Through the lockscreen, you could see a message notification from Mindy, as if she had read your thoughts.

Best Twin: Movie night at the Carpenters' house, are you coming?

Best Twin: Sam misses you

Best Twin: We all do

You sighed deeply and looked at the notification with a grimace, not sure exactly what to do. Of course, you would love to spend time with your friends, and you definitely felt guilty for avoiding Sam by extension, even though she understood the reason. But your palms started to sweat just at the thought of sharing a small space with Tara again.

Mindy had already told you that Tara had started therapy after the encounter you had in some of the university’s corridors some time ago, but she had also said that it was entirely valid if you still didn't feel ready to see Tara after everything.

It was a strange feeling, as if two forces were fighting for dominance within you when it came to Tara. On one hand, just thinking about her made your chest ache. A wave of anger, sadness, and pure humiliation invaded you, and your eyes threatened to well up. What she did to you, what she said to you, marked you like a painful burn that might never stop pulsating.

But on the other hand, you wondered if there were still traces of that other Tara who loved and treated you well. The Tara who made you soup when you were sick and promised never to leave you. Maybe it was your foolishness, but you didn't want to believe that that part of her had simply gone away forever.

"Are you okay?" A soft voice reached your ears and quickly snapped you out of your thoughts, causing you to loosen the tight grip with which you had involuntarily held the phone. Looking up, you came face to face with Kate's kind blue eyes, patiently waiting for your response.

Kate Bishop had been an angel in your life, fitting in perfectly at the moment you needed her most. You had met her in the waiting room of the counseling center after spending a week living like a zombie following everything that happened with Tara, and you could barely comprehend that you were sharing the same space with someone like her.

At first glance, Kate Bishop didn't seem like someone who needed to be in a counseling center. She carried herself with confidence, always with impeccable posture and a calm expression on a model-like face. Always dressed in neat clothes that you were sure were designer and carrying a sports bag indicating her athletic background.

But when she approached you and started a conversation, saying she needed to talk to someone or she'd explode with anxiety before her first appointment, you began to realize that Kate might not be what you expected. She was, in fact, much kinder and more attentive than you could have predicted.

You talked a lot that day, and the next day, and the day after, until there came a point where you got along well enough to consider her a friend. Kate listened to everything about your issues with Tara and provided advice and emotional support. In return, you listened to her vent about her problems with a father who died in childhood, a mother imprisoned for fraud, and an inherited company she didn't want to have to run at that age.

They were quite different dilemmas, just as you were quite different people, but still, you felt at ease in her presence, and it was good to have someone who truly noticed you for once in your life.

"Hm? Okay. It's fine, yes, I just..." You searched for words but gave up, opting to speak the truth about what was bothering you. "Mindy invited me to watch movies with the others, and it's at Tara's house, and I didn't want to have to refuse, but I don't know if I'm ready for-"

Kate widened her eyes and raised her hands as if asking for a pause, interrupting your rapid and anxious flow of words. "Woah, hold on, champ. You don't have to go if you don't feel okay. They'll understand."

"Yeah, I know, it's just that..." You sighed, looking down at your feet planted in the field's grass. "I miss them, but... I can't."

As much as it hurt and was embarrassing to admit, you knew it still wasn't the right time. Not when you sometimes still woke up crying in the middle of the night with nightmares involving her.

"Then how about this?" Kate began to suggest, getting closer to you and gently shaking your shoulders. Physical touches had always been her way of offering comfort. "There's a party at my place tonight with some of my childhood friends, and I'm officially inviting you. You can tell your friend that you'll be busy spending time with a very beautiful, charming, and talented company."

You smiled as you let yourself be shaken by the cheerful girl in front of you. "A very humble company, apparently." You teased, poking her ribs playfully. "I don't want to disturb you, but thanks for the invite."

"Disturb? I'd be the one disturbing your illustrious evening by forcing you to hang out with my friends! Believe me, it's torture listening to Peter for 2 hours when he gets excited about his nerd stuff." Kate tried again, and by the way she looked at you with the expression of a begging puppy, you knew there would be no escape. "Please? It'll be nice to have you there."

There were two available possibilities. In the first, you could go back to your dorm, watch a bad movie alone, and spend the rest of the night thinking about how your friends would be having fun, specifically wondering if she would be having fun. In the second, you could take another step in getting rid of your codependent friendship (if it still existed) and enjoy the night with new people and a person who was becoming more and more important to you every day.

If Tara didn't want to be stuck in the past, you also had the right to do that. You deserved it too.

So, you accepted and only remembered to inform Mindy when you were already in the passenger seat of Kate's black Audi RS7.

_

Tara was distraught. Actually, saying that she was distraught was an understatement.

Last night had already started off as garbage from the moment Mindy announced that you wouldn't be coming to see them at the apartment. Sure, she should have expected it, but that didn't mean she didn't have any hope. She couldn't stop thinking about what you might be doing, the reasons why you hadn't come, how everything would have been better if you had.

But mostly, she felt relieved that you hadn't been there, because that meant she hadn't put you in danger again with another ghostface attack. It was a selfish thought. Quinn, her roommate, had died in front of her, Anika had her belly almost cut from end to end and was now in surgery, and all Tara could think about was finding you to see with her own eyes that you were okay.

She urgently searched for your face in the midst of the crowd of students walking through the Blackmore University campus, seeking the slightest fragment of your presence anywhere. She cursed herself again for not being able to just call you like she would if she hadn't messed up and made you block her in practically every possible place.

Finding you and making sure you were okay, in addition to delivering the terrible news, was her obligation. Mindy and Sam were with Anika at the hospital, and Chad had gone to check Ethan's alibi in the damn economics class. She needed to find you.

Fortunately, her prayers seemed to be answered by whatever entity it was. She saw you in the distance, radiant as she hadn't seen you in a long time. Tara's heart skipped a beat, and she opened her own smile after yours. It was bittersweet, the feeling of seeing you so happy but knowing that this happiness would be ruined the moment you laid eyes on her.

In a moment of distraction, a new wave of people passed in front of her, blocking her view of you. Fucking height. She thought with some annoyance as she tried to make her way through the students, trying to get closer to where you were.

When Tara finally managed to locate you again, the scene was quite different from before. Instead of laughing, looking forward, you had your back turned, seemingly struggling while a girl wrapped her arms around your neck. Tara felt a wave of anger rise through her veins and marched in your direction, ready to free you from whoever that crazy bitch was.

The younger Carpenter approached you with a speed she couldn't quite explain, and her motivation only seemed to grow when she noticed that the mysterious girl looked a lot like that senior she had seen with you in the hallway some time ago. Choosing to embrace her negative feelings, she used her strength in a way that would make her sister proud and aggressively pushed the girl away. "What do you think you're doing?!"

"Tara?!" You exclaimed in shock, your voice carrying surprise, and your expression wavering between anger, astonishment, and anguish. "What do you think you're doing, are you crazy?!"

Tara saw you getting closer to the girl (Karen, Kendra, she couldn't remember.) and gently placing your hand on her shoulder, as if checking her condition. That small gesture made more anger bubble in her stomach. She wanted to scream, throw a fit, damn, she wanted to destroy something just to get rid of that rotten feeling corroding her from the inside.

But she looked into your eyes and could see a glimpse of the sadness she had caused in the past by this same line of thinking. She couldn't do this to you again, especially because that wasn't even why she had come looking for you. Tara swallowed hard and clenched her fists, deciding to save her frustration to take it out on calluses on her own fingers later.

"She was attacking you," Tara mumbled reluctantly, knowing that the explanation sounded stupid but that she also owed some reasoning for her actions.

You clearly didn't seem satisfied with her motivation, as you only stared at her with a frown and crossed arms. "Kate is a martial arts expert, Tara. She was just showing me how to escape from an arm lock."

Well, how was I supposed to know that? Tara thought, but she decided it was better not to worsen the situation. Before you could ask why she had been clearly looking at you for some time, she decided to explain.

"Look, I'm sorry. There was a ghostface attack in the apartment yesterday, and I just needed to know if you were safe."

"What?! An attack?! How- Are you guys okay?!" You asked exasperated, and Tara saw it. She saw the exact moment when you had to restrain your arms by your sides before doing something you would regret.

Tara remembered that being the first thing you did when you could see her after the surgeries last year. You ran to her on the gurney and held her face with both hands, as if she were fragile. You ran your thumbs over her cheeks, right above the freckles, wanting to make sure nothing was injured. She remembered feeling well cared for and loved.

But that was before she messed everything up. Now, all that was left was that. You restraining yourself from offering your heart to Tara, and she wanting to die realizing the damage she had done between you two.

"Sort of. Anika is in critical condition in the hospital, and... Quinn died." Tara delivered the news with a solemn voice, trying to control her own tears as she remembered what happened. She saw when Kate raised her arm to offer a comforting stroke on your back, and, for the first time, all Tara felt was emptiness knowing she couldn't comfort you in that way.

You let out a few sobs before trying to compose yourself. It was clear that you had been affected by the events, and Tara knew you well enough to know that you would want to go after the others to comfort them. "Which hospital is Anika in? And where are Sam, Mindy, and Chad, I... I need to talk to them."

Tara felt a bit of pride in realizing that she still knew your way of dealing with things, even though she was worried that your priority was always to take care of others' pains. Of course, much of that was her fault, and a knot closed in her throat every time she remembered that fact. "Sam and Mindy are at the hospital waiting for Anika to be discharged. Chad went with Ethan to handle something about an alibi."

"I can take you if you want," Kate offered you  in a chivalry that almost made Tara vomit. "It will be faster if we go by car."

"Or maybe it would be faster for her to take the subway with someone who knows the address, like me." Tara retorted sarcastically, crossing her arms to try to cause, at least, the minimal intimidation to her rival. It didn't seem to be working, which made her even more irritated. "Speaking of addresses, where were you last night, Kate?"

Feeling that the conversation would only escalate, you quickly shook your head. "Stop it, Tara. There's no way Kate could be the ghostface."

"And why not?" The girl asked defensively, with an offended tone almost similar to one she would have if you had accused her. It was frustrating for Tara that you seemed willing to vouch for a person you had barely known. "She suddenly appeared in your life, got so close to you in such a short time, don't you find that a bit suspicious?"

"This might sound a bit surprising to you, Tara, but some people actually like having me around." You retorted with irritation, throwing daggers at the girl with a look so intense that she almost stumbled backward. "Kate can't be ghostface because I spent the whole night with her, okay?"

Suddenly, Tara felt dizzy, with a buzzing in her ears. Apparently, you hadn't had the best problem in overcoming your feelings for her. She felt weird inside, as if something were stuck in her throat. "Oh, I didn't know you guys..."

"No! Not like that, I just..." You widened your eyes and hurried to correct the double meaning of the sentence, waving your hands frantically in a way that made Kate open a smile in amusement beside you. "...I slept at her apartment, but not with her. Not that I owe you an explanation anyway."

Your phone vibrated with a notification, and all three pairs of eyes turned to the device. You quickly checked the message and let out a sigh of relief. "It's Sam. She sent me the address of the hospital; I'm going there now. Without any of you, please."

"Okay. Just be careful, alright? And call me if you need anything." Tara watched reluctantly as Kate pulled you closer by the shoulders and planted a small kiss on your forehead. She swallowed the envy and looked away, trying to think of the last time she had offered you any kind of affection.

You said goodbye to Kate with a warm smile and a hug. For Tara, your lips pressed into a line, and you nodded briefly, almost as if you were greeting a stranger.

She wondered if that's what you two were now.

The Carpenter girl prepared to leave, maybe to find Chad and help him or just take a walk to ease the tornado swirling in her chest. However, she was interrupted by a hand on her arm. Kate Bishop tried to get her attention, wearing a conflicted expression on her face.

"What is it?" Tara grumbled, shaking her arm to free herself from the other girl's touch. She was used to being shorter than most people, but with Kate, it became even more annoying, especially when she had to look down at her.

"Look, I know you don't like me, and, to be honest, I don't like you one bit, but I need you to do something for me," Kate said seriously, putting a hand in her pocket and retrieving an object that Tara could only identify as a car key.

The shorter one scoffed. "Listen, I know Y/N and I are on bad terms, but I don't need you to ask me to take care of her. I'm going to do that anyway because I care about her, believe it or not."

Kate rolled her eyes impatiently. "I know. I can see that in you the same way you can see it in me."

It was true, as much as it bothered Tara to admit. She wasn't blind, and she had enough experience in reading people to know that the way Kate looked at you was sincere, and the girl genuinely cared about you. Putting aside her own jealousy and envy, Tara was relieved to know that there was someone good enough to show these feelings for you. You deserved it, after all.

The girl continued, "This device here is a prototype from my mom’s—my company. It's for security." She raised the object and placed it in Tara's hand, who could now see the details of what she had previously thought was a car key. It was a black oval keychain with a single button in the middle, also black. "I pulled some strings and turned it into an emergency button. As soon as you press it, a signal will be sent to police cars and ambulances, and it will be their priority to get to you. That's one of the advantages of being rich and having contacts, I guess."

Tara turned the button in her hands, feeling the object weigh more now that she knew its function. "And why are you giving this to me and not Y/N?"

"Because I know she would use it on anyone but herself." Kate sighed in frustration. Tara knew it was implied in the sentence that you would use the button for her. "I'm giving it to you because... despite the fighting and you being a jerk..."

"Wow. Thanks for the honesty."

"... I can still see that you care." The taller one finished her sentence without caring about the interruption. She looked between Tara and the button with a bit of uncertainty. "When you press it, a signal will also be sent to my phone, and I'll come running wherever it is."

There were more implicit intentions in that sentence that Tara could pick up. I'll come running to help Y/N. I'll take her away from you. I can protect her better than you can.

Tara just offered a short nod and turned to leave, with the emergency button weighing as much in her pocket as her heart weighed in her chest. Thousands of thoughts filled her head, and all of them were about you and your safety. It was Tara's duty to keep you safe, first because it was her fault that you were even in that situation, and second because she had already hurt you enough.

It was her mission to protect you. To prove to herself that she could still be good for you. To prove to you how much she still cared.

And if she couldn't, if she had to press that button... well...

Maybe it would be the sign she needed to understand that Kate Bishop deserved more of a place in your life than she did.

_

The lobby of the abandoned cinema ironically looked like something straight out of a horror movie that Tara would hate. Dust had piled up in heaps on all surfaces, and the orange lights were so dim that they threatened to go out at any moment.

The others were in the center of the other room, where Richie Kirsch, being the maniac he was, left his extensive collection of items from stab movies and real life ghostfaces. Tara, however, thought it would be a better idea to follow you wherever your feet and lost expression took you, just so she wouldn't have to leave you alone, of course.

You had your back turned to her while leaning on the filthy counter with your elbows. Tara couldn't tell what you were thinking, but obviously, you were not okay, just like everyone else in that situation.

From the corner of her eye, she saw a box of Milk Duds on the other side of the counter that seemed untouched, just a few inches to your left. She approached with light steps, not wanting to make any sudden movements as if that would scare you away, and reached out to bring the box closer. "You like these, right? You can have them if you want."

You didn't respond to the joke, and you didn't even turn around to look at Tara. She felt your indifference like a stab to the chest, but she continued nonetheless. "Or not. This must be like a thousand years old anywa-"

"Tara, shut up." You finally responded sharply, making the younger girl look down in shame. She really needed to get used to your new treatment of her. You ran your hands over your face, covering it as if you were tired.

"Sorry." Tara whispered back weakly. She deserved it, but more than anything, she wanted to be able to offer you some kind of support in that difficult moment, just as you had given her all the support she needed in the past.

You scoffed, in a gesture so hostile that the younger Carpenter almost couldn't believe it came from you. You were still facing away from her, but now slowly taking steps away with tense shoulders. "Did you learn a new word? Didn't know it was in your vocabulary."

Tara felt the anger in your voice, and it made her hands begin to tremble with anxiety. You were right, and it was long overdue for you to know that. "I’m sorry, Y/N. I know it's too late for this, but I'm sorry for everything I did."

"Do you even care? Seriously, Tara, do you really feel sorry, or do you just miss having some idiot around who would do anything for you?" You retorted, your voice rising even as your vocal cords trembled. A dam had just burst open between you two, and now it was time to deal with the flood.

"Of course, I care, I love you!"

"SHUT UP!" You shouted in response. Tara recoiled from you with a start, startled as she had never seen you raise your voice at anyone. You were still facing away, but Tara could see that, even though you had wrapped yourself in a hug to control your reactions, it wasn't working. Your entire body was tense, as if your brain was struggling to choose between fight or flight, and the result was the tremors that seemed to spread through your system. "You have no right to do this to me! To play with me like this!"

"I'm not lying!" The shorter one retorted, and in an impulsive move, she grabbed you by the shoulder and forced you to turn until your gazes met. Tears were already streaming down your eyes like waterfalls, and your entire face seemed contorted in excruciating pain. Tara wished she could absorb all your hurt for herself. "I know I messed up, but I really love you!"

"You're toxic, Tara! That's what you are!" You shouted back with strength, holding the girl's gaze as if it were a challenge you needed to win. "You hurt me! And I was getting better, damn it, I was getting better away from you!"

"I know you were! I know! That's why I'm apologizing, okay? Because you're the best person I've ever met, and I ruined you like I ruin everyone! Because the best moments I've ever had were with you, and I feel like tearing my eyes out when I remember that I hurt you by being this way!"

"Tara..."

"No! Please let me finish." She rejected your interruption, taking the opportunity to relieve all the pain and guilt she felt inside her. "I'm getting treatment, okay? And I know you're not obligated to forgive me for anything, but I want you to know that I'm trying to be better for you! I'm trying to fix my shit to be someone you and Sam and the others can be proud of!"

"Tara..."

"And I know I hurt you a lot, but please don't doubt the love I feel for you because it's the only good thing left in me. I won't blame you if you never want to see me again, but..."

"TARA, GET DOWN!" You shouted, and before Tara could react, you were already pushing her toward the dusty wooden floor.

Everything was happening too fast for the Carpenter's mind to process. She hit the ground with a grunt of pain and a potential bruise on her arm, but she could see the exact moment when an arm covered in a black cloak descended toward your leg, making a deep cut in your thigh.

You screamed in pain, and Tara screamed next, watching your blood soak through the fabric of your pants and start dripping onto the floor. In a surge of adrenaline, the small girl ran to your side and almost reached for your arm when she was suddenly engulfed in a tight grip, with her two arms pinned to her back and a hand holding a knife to her neck.

She struggled against the masked person holding her, futilely trying to break free to get to you. Tears streamed so quickly down her face that she could taste the saltiness invading her senses. "Let me go! Y/N, run! Please, run!"

A sinister laugh reached her ears like the hiss of a snake. "Oh, Tara. Did you think it would be that easy?"

She recognized that distorted voice with effects all too well. She still heard it in her nightmares, calling her name in the dark. Ghostface was back. "I'm going to kill you, you motherfucker!"

"Oh, but I don't think so." The voice spoke in an amused tone as another killer, wearing the same mask and black cloak, approached your figure on the ground. Tara wailed like a banshee when the other pulled your hair forcefully, forcing you to stand up as he placed a knife on your neck.

She struggled a little more. "Leave her alone!"

"And where's the fun in that?" The ghostface holding her responded, almost as if they were laughing. "Come on, Tara. Weren't you the one who liked to release your anger by hurting Y/N? Why should only you have that privilege? Let's see, where was it that you got stabbed again?"

At the same time, as if reacting to a code, the ghostface holding you advanced in quick and precise movements, gripping you by the waist with one arm while thrusting the knife into you with the other, just above your kidney.

You let out another gasping scream as the blade pierced your skin, and Tara felt your body sagging as if you were about to collapse. She herself wanted to fall to her knees and plead for you to be released, but she couldn't. Whoever was holding her had great strength.

"Don’t you want her to feel the same pain you felt, huh, Tara? Don't want her to suffer what you suffered?" The voice continued to growl in her ear, sounding increasingly excited by the escalating violence. The knife on Tara's neck kept her head in place, so she couldn't look at anything other than your agony.

"No, I don't. Please, PLEASE." Tara pleaded with a tearful voice as another stab was delivered to you, this time in the center of your abdomen. Your shirt gradually turned into a pool of blood, and Tara feared you would faint at any moment.

"Tara..." You could barely pronounce her name, your voice choked and your own blood streaming down your lips. Tara's gaze met yours, and she shivered when you shook your head. She knew what that meant.

You looked feverish. Sweat and blood mingled on your skin, creating the most disturbing of the paintings. Your eyes were vacant, and Tara was so afraid they would close at any moment, never to open again.

And yet, with that nod of your head, Tara understood that your top priority at the moment was to make her understand that it wasn't her fault.

The girl's knees threatened to give up as the knife entered you one, two, three times. She shook her head but couldn't close her eyes because she needed to see you, needed to see that your eyes were still open, that you were still alive.

You couldn't die. You promised not to leave, even if everyone else did. You couldn't die. You couldn't die. You. Couldn't. Die.

"I love you. I'm sorry for loving you, I'm sorry," Tara whispered because she had no strength to speak louder. She felt on the verge of giving up and letting those maniacs do whatever they wanted with her. Nothing mattered anymore if you weren't here, and it was all her fault.

The ghostface holding her laughed with a deep voice. "You know, I could turn this into a Romeo and Juliet scene, but I think it would be more fun to kill you while Sam is watching."

With that, Tara felt her body being thrown backward, and she hit the dirty wooden floor again, this time landing with her head in a wound that would undoubtedly become a concussion.

She got up in a frenzied pace, in an adrenaline rush, thinking she could try to save you now that she was free. But, looking ahead, she realized she was outside the lobby’s door, and the maniac murderer already held the handles. Despite Tara's attempt to advance, the ghostface had already sarcastically waved and locked the doors, creating a deadly separation between you and herself.

Tara pounded on the hard wooden door, ignoring the pain in her knuckles. She hit and hit and hit, feeling cuts open on her skin and burn from the repetitive contact. She was crying, screaming, punching, cursing, doing things she couldn't even rationalize because it didn't matter anymore.

Nothing mattered anymore. Not without you.

She collapsed on the floor, tired, injured, and desperate for you. Her sobs echoed in the seemingly empty hallway, and she was too afraid to put her ear to the door and hear screams of pain like your last breath. Tara felt lost until she remembered that she was no longer trapped.

Rushing to reach the device in her pocket, she sighed in relief to find it unbroken. She pressed the button multiple times without a second thought. If she had a chance to maybe save your life, she would grab it without a doubt.

Tara remembered what she had thought before, how pressing that button might symbolize that she shouldn't be in your life. She stood up and leaned against the wall, trying to rid herself of the wave of nausea, and left the button hidden near the door. If help came following the signal, the first place they would look would be where you were.

If help came and you made it out alive, that was a promise. Tara would finally leave you alone. That's what you deserved.

---

Tara was almost sure she had developed a hospital phobia since the events of last year.

There was no other explanation for why she felt uneasy in that environment, even after they had taken all precautions for her. She still hated the white walls and the smell of chemicals and couldn't wait to get out of there.

For now, she decided to ignore this feeling and continued following Sam through the corridors of fluorescent lighting. It was important for her to stay inside until they finally found the doctor who could tell them what they wanted to know.

She checked her hands again, finding the tanned skin covered in some bandages but free from the mixture of her blood and Ethan's after she... lost control.

After she was separated from you, everything happened so fast that Tara could almost think it was all a delusion. All the revelations, the attacks, her adding another victim to her count, the police arriving... All of that had taken a back seat because nothing was more important than you.

It was as if her life had turned into a black and white movie in the moments she was without you. Everything felt colorless, purposeless. Fortunately, she was pulled out of her own spiral of melancholy when she saw you being taken out of the old movie theater on a stretcher by paramedics. She tried to get closer, but it was needed to give you space so that nothing touched your wounds and caused an infection.

Tara tried to go in the ambulance with you, but she and Sam were pulled for another checkup, and you needed to be rushed to a surgery room urgently if you wanted to have the slightest chance of survival. So, Tara let you go, but there was not a moment when you weren't on her mind.

That's why now, she desperately searched for your surgeon with Sam. No one seemed to know about your condition, and she already felt like tearing her hair out from anxiety. Tara just needed to know if you were at least breathing.

"Dr. Isley?" Sam called the attention of a red-haired doctor who was passing by them in a hurry. Tara sighed in relief that her sister was paying attention to her surroundings because her mind was in a completely different place. "We were informed that you performed emergency surgery on a family member. Her name is Y/n Y/L, admitted with multiple stab wounds."

"Oh, yes. Miss Y/L." The doctor replied in a professional tone, but there was impatiency all over her body language. "It was a difficult surgery, and she lost a lot of blood, but fortunately, no vital organs were hit. I won't lie, the recovery will be painful, but at least she survived the operation without any apparent severe collateral effects."

This was the best news Tara had heard in days. She opened a smile and didn't even try to hide her own happiness as she prolonged the conversation. "Is she in any room? Can we see her?"

"Miss Y/L is in room 604, but I'm afraid only one person is allowed in at a time to avoid any disturbance."

"No problem, we can take turns." Sam pointed between her and her sister. Despite seeming much calmer than the younger one, Tara knew Sam was just as relieved as she was to know that you were still alive.

"No, you didn't understand. There's already someone in Miss Y/L's room." Dr. Isley warned and, seemingly losing the rest of her patience, she began to walk away. "Sorry, but I have other patients to attend to."

The two Carpenter sisters looked at each other alarmed. Who could be in your room? Chad was still in his own surgery, Anika had gone to stay with Mindy while she received some stitches, and frankly, your parents had never been present enough to travel between states so quickly for your sake.

They walked down the corridor, moving as fast as possible without disturbing the other people being treated or working in the area. Tara's heart threatened to jump out of her mouth as she looked from door to door, searching for the numbering of your room. 601. 602. 603.

Tara stopped so abruptly at the door that she and Sam bumped into each other, their sneakers making noise against the shiny white floor. The simple door had a small window through which it was possible to see the inside of the room without necessarily entering. Tara looked inside, ready to break the handle and force her way in if necessary.

But it wasn't, because Tara Carpenter recognized exactly the girl sitting next to your bed, holding your hand gently and stroking your hair, even though you were sleeping. She remembered, with a tightness in her chest, that Kate Bishop would be notified the moment she pressed the button.

And, in her own words, she would come running to take care of you.

"Tara, who-"

"I have to go." Tara interrupted her sister's words, looking at the scene in front of her without blinking. She knew what she had to do; there was no reason to fight the facts.

"What? What do you mean? You just got here." Sam asked, partially annoyed and partially confused by the younger one's actions.

"You heard the doctor. Her recovery will be painful, and if I stay around, all I'll cause is more pain." Tara opened a small smile just to try to pretend that she wasn’t dying inside. She knew Sam could see the truth, that she could see her broken heart and internal conflict, but she also knew that was the only possible solution.

"Tara..."

"Sam, you know I'm right. You told me that yourself a few days ago, remember? I hurt her." The girl shook her head in surrender and took a few steps away from the door. Away from you. "She needs peace, Sam. And the only way she can get that now is if I'm not around."

Tara took one last look inside the room, seeing how peaceful you looked. Sleeping, without any worries, and with an incredible and caring person by your side, ready to help you in whatever you needed.

Someone much better than her.

Perhaps that was the first time Tara had made a selfless decision in a long time, but she didn't feel deserving of any credit for it. What she had to do now was get better. Maybe more entries in her journal and more visits to her therapist would eventually fill the void she felt within her.

For now, she just turned around and started walking away from room 604. Each step hurt, like a razor cutting her skin, but it was the right thing to do. Tara had hurt you for far too long, and now...

Now it was time to let you go.

#scream #scream vi #scream 2022 #scream x reader #tara carpenter x reader #jenna ortega #jenna ortega imagine #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega x you #scream imagine #tara carpenter x you #tara carpenter imagine #tara carpenter #Spotify

[bonefall]

God I am so tired of Bramble fans who refuse to use critical thinking and believe that brambleclaw and squilf are equally bad. Many also hate on moonkitti's video which they most likely haven't even watched or misconstrued points in it. You can like a character without defending all their actions please I'm begging you

And people will sometimes jump to their defense, saying that people just dogpiled them for liking a character the fandom doesn't like, and while that can happen, sometimes people are actually dogpiling them for ignoring abuse and insulting creators with different opinions

(Some discourse happened on Twitter recently about this but it's something I've seen happen before, I'm not specifically talking about anyone)

I'm going to be honest and drop my feelings.

Never have I ever actually SEEN a Bramblefan "get dogpiled" for liking Bramble.

I come out here on my massive soapbox every couple of weeks and drop whole essays on this guy, I chat casually about how important he is to me as a character, both as someone who was abused in a way similar to Squirrelflight AND as someone who can relate to Bramblestar's situation, and before BB got so large and my attention was easier to divide I even ran an AU called Sweet Nothings which had a "big brother" Bramble take in it.

There is no shortage of Bramblestar-related posts around here, yet, I have never, NEVER gotten shit for when I talk positively about Bramble.

In fact, he's commonly cited as one of the favorite cats to see on this blog from my audience. I get praise for addressing him with nuance, explaining how his actions are abuse while also keeping him human, talking about how his life is a painful cycle of self-doubt that makes him double down on his worst decisions. Every time I post about him, I get an influx of comments centered around how my takes on him are appreciated.

What I DO see is people who make art where they try to bothsides him and Squirrelflight, or say something completely false about his behavior, or straightup post DARVO tactics to defend their fav's honor. When someone makes a comment that goes "uhmm? Bit strange innit?" they call it "harassment." Or when people block them, they call that "receiving hate."

OR when someone makes a vaguepost like "Heyyy, DARVO is an abuse denial tactic where the abuser or their apologists Deny the abuse took place, Attack the accuser, and then Reverse Victim and Offender to claim they were actually the person harmed. Bramblestans are playing this out, step for step, and that's bad!" they call THAT dogpiling.

Meanwhile Moonkitti got death threats and was actually harassed for posting Bramblestar Is Worse. To the point where she is hesitant to ever make another video on the topic.

So y'know what? Hot take? The stans don't actually like Bramblestar. They like the vague idea of a sadboy character who broke free from his dad's legacy so they slurp up the framing of the notorious abuse apologist writers, and they get mad when people who have critically engaged with the books don't see what they desperately crave.

How can you really LIKE a character if you can't engage with their actions? If you need to surround yourself in an unpoppable bubble and can't accept anything he's done in the 20+ years he's been active? How can you truly love a man without all his mistakes?

It's sooo hard to be me, Tumblr User Bonefall, the ONLY one who likes Bramblestar correctly. It's rough out here.

#bone babble #Bramblestar #abuse apologia #tw abuse

[dross-the-fish]

I found myself thinking of Jekyll today and wondering if it causes him physical pain to have to fake a smile. To what extent is Henry Jekyll, pleasant doctor and sophisticated upperclass gentleman a painful mask he has to wear and does the discomfort ever feel physical?

I was at the local aquarium today (this is the perfect time of year to go because it's open but there are no tourists so it's never crowded and admission is cheap) hanging out and doodling on one of the benches while I watched the fish. I had on headphones to listen to an audio book and to provide a buffer between myself and anyone who might try to talk to me and I had been looking forward to relaxing for a couple of hours when a family walked up and the father waved his hand in front of my face to get my attention. The minute they started asking me questions about what I was drawing I was filled with what I can only describe as intense dismay.

Obviously the family being present isn't in of itself an issue, it's a public aquarium, it's aimed at families and parts of the aquarium are geared specifically at children, but the family noticed me drawing and stopped to talk to me.

I reiterate that this was not something they did wrong, they were just being friendly, but I was really not prepared to have a conversation and I found the whole ordeal to be...well an ordeal. They were interested in what I was drawing (a sketch of Henry Jekyll because he's been on my mind off and on) and just the thought of having to explain who this character was, hoping they got it, and having to potentially explain why I was drawing him felt overwhelming.

And it was, they did not know who Henry Jekyll was, they were vaguely aware of Jekyll and Hyde but weren't the type of people to read classic literature and had never heard of the musical or actually seen for themselves any movies featuring the character. The mom commented that he looks like "a Disney villain from back in the 90s" which...fair assessment, I can't pretend I don't see why she would have thought that. The older kid was probably the most interested and wanted to see more of my drawings which made me really uncomfortable but I let him look through my sketchbook anyway because his parents kept saying he was interested in drawing and he loves art and I felt too anxious to say no.

I made small talk with the parents for a while, all the usual, "what's your name, where you from, what's your job?" (I hate those questions, they are usually the least interesting things about any people, myself included) and I wondered if this is what Henry does on a regular day. Has ordinary conversations with reasonably nice people and feel completely like a fish out of water the whole time. I felt pretty terrible about it too, I didn't have any hard feelings or resentment but the whole time I was thinking "Stop touching my things, go away, please fucking leave so I can get back to my audio book and my drawing. I just wanted to sit with the fish for a few hours because it's supposed to be quiet here this time of year."

No one ever seems to catch on that physically talking to people is an effort for me. I've gone my whole life and no one has ever noticed that I'm anxious or uncomfortable in situations where I have to speak out loud because I've gotten good at faking small talk and I know how to make my voice sound pleasant.

It's strange because I express myself easily enough in writing and I like messaging with people over text but the minute I have to be verbal with people I don't know I feel like I'm putting on an immense effort. I have to consciously choose a tone, figure out what words I want to say, be ready with an explanation in case I'm asked questions and I have to do all of it in real time on the spot. It feels like improve, like I'm constantly doing an improve routine and I know most people would say "Just be yourself!" But myself doesn't want to be doing this at all. Myself wants to be drawing and looking at fish. Even as a child I was never very social, I liked to doodle or daydream or build with my lego sets. I got reprimanded a lot for being too quiet. So I made myself more talkative and learned how to hold conversations. I learned to blend in but it's so tiring at times and I can swear when it's at its worst it feels almost physical. The discomfort becomes a suffocating "texture" on my skin and in my brain and I have to keep pretending like I don't notice it because every time I try to articulate how I feel people don't understand it. It's just not a thing they experience.

So I just keep "acting normal," and wonder if there's something wrong with me, like I'm operating on a different frequency from the people around me and I'm the only one on that frequency so other people don't even know it exists. It's...incredibly isolating at times. Even my partner doesn't seem to hear the world as loud as I do or experience the "texture" it's just a strange THING that I'm stuck with by myself. I wonder if it was the same for Henry Jekyll? Except instead being of too quiet he was too loud, too boisterous, threw tantrums, didn't know when to stop rambling about anatomy and weird gross medical facts. So he learned how to cover it and move through life pretending to be interested in everyone else but keenly aware they could never share his interests because his favorite subjects were too grisly and if he started talking about diseases he'd put everyone off. I head-canon Jekyll loves what he does, but he doesn't love it for reasons a doctor should, he doesn't care that much about healing the sick, he cares about conquering illnesses, he likes to learn about symptoms, he enjoys the disgusting viscera of his work. But he can't let on that this is what he enjoys about his work because that's not noble or heroic, it's something most people would find creepy of him. So he buries it and pretends he cares about curing the sick. He pretends he enjoys talking to people who don't know anything about who he is or what he does but they think they do because they are aware of doctors and understand that medicine exists. All the time he loathes it, it exhausts him and he can't even indulge in activities he enjoys to blow of steam because he enjoys things like brawling, doing drugs, and fucking. All things a man of his status shouldn't be seen doing. There's an image people associate with Henry Jekyll and it's an image he can't afford to tarnish...

but it's not really HIS image, it's just a buffer he keeps up to make himself more palatable. I wonder if that ever hurts him physically, if the mask ever feels like a "texture" muffling him.

there are times when I feel like it's no wonder he wasn't repulsed by Hyde when he first saw his reflection. Because I can only imagine by the time Hyde showed up he was already completely burnt out on being Jekyll.

#kind of a vent #kind of headcanon talk #jekyll and Hyde ponderings

[bbygirl-aemond]

When villainizing Alicent backfires (or, how victimizing Rhaenyra can actively make her look worse)

Hi everyone! There's something I've seen happening a lot within the fandom that really frustrates me. Before anyone starts, this post is very explicitly pro Rhaenyra, and I'm going to be arguing that Rhaenyra is actually more intelligent than most people give her credit for. I've seen a lot of fans, in an attempt to defend Rhaenyra by villainizing Alicent, rob Rhaenyra of both her intelligence and her agency.

It's a pretty common criticism of Rhaenyra that she's not good at playing the game of politics, so I think it's interesting when fans who support her will go out of their way to make her seem like a helpless victim in situations where she's not only actively playing the game, but winning. I'm going to discuss one example of this and explain why it actually makes Rhaenyra look better, especially as a future Queen, to let her be antagonistic right back towards Alicent rather than pretending that she was only ever tricked or outsmarted.

I'm talking about the scene where Rhaenyra takes Joffrey to see Alicent right after giving birth. So many people claim that Rhaenyra was only acting here out of fear for her children, which does succeed in making Alicent look bad, but misses the genius of what Rhaenyra's actually doing. Alicent was trying to make a power play here; she was trying to rub it in the court's faces that Rhaenyra was repeatedly having children via an affair. Rhaenyra not only foiled this plan, but actively turned the tables against Alicent. So let's discuss further below the cut:

Rhaenyra does not go with Joffrey because she genuinely thinks Alicent will physically hurt him. At this point in time, pre-Driftmark, Alicent has literally never done anything to suggest she would physically harm a child, let alone a newborn. Stop acting like Alicent was planning on smothering him with a pillow or something equally ridiculous. It's not in Alicent's character (she's quite passive when it comes to violence), and Rhaenyra also doesn't have any information to suggest this.

Rhaenyra goes with Joffrey specifically to shift the court's attention off of Joffrey being a bastard, and onto Alicent being unreasonable. This is the DEFINITION of malicious compliance: She knows it looks bad if the court thinks Alicent demanded Rhaenyra personally bring the baby to her. She WANTS people to see her sweat, she WANTS them to see the trail of blood, and she wants them to think Alicent did this to her, rather than Rhaenyra doing it to herself. She also brings Laenor with her specifically to add to the public perception of legitimacy.

Alicent wanted Rhaenyra to come away from this looking like a shameful harlot, but Rhaenyra turned the tables and came away from this seeming like a hero and a dutiful stepdaughter who bravely endured the pain Alicent forced on her, while simultaneously making Alicent seem evil and unreasonable. This is a calculated political move to shift blame onto Alicent and to paint her as crazy. And from the reactions we get as Rhaenyra walks to and from Alicent's chambers, I think she succeeds.

There's one other example where I think Rhaenyra plays the game of politics against Alicent and wins, and where a lot of fans ignore Rhaenyra's intelligence in favor of trying to make Alicent look as bad as possible. It's the scene where Rhaenyra suggests the betrothal of Jacaerys and Helaena, which I'll talk about eventually since I got an ask about it. But basically: Rhaenyra made a proposal that she knew would look good on the surface but that she knew Alicent couldn't accept without endangering her children, ensuring that when Alicent turned it down she would look bitter and crazy. When I make the post, I'll link it here.

TLDR: If your favorite character's biggest source of criticism is her political ineptitude, don't go out of your way to dumb her down in the scenes where she demonstrates remarkable political intelligence. I promise it'll make your character look better if you allow her these instances of agency and competency.

#hotd #house of the dragon #rhaenyra targaryen #rhaenyra #alicent hightower #alicent #team black #pro rhaenyra #joffrey velaryon #joffrey strong #laenor velaryon #laenor #show #hotd meta #meta

[kachikirby]

GranEssex Chronicles: Chapter 7 - The Hivemind

As shown by the tags, this chapter has themes readers might find more disturbing than the normal content for this series. Reader discretion is advised.

-

A few months had passed since the incident with the space pirates. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened since then. Outside of that, it was simple days of training and going out on standard assigned missions. Today, Meta heard that he in particular would be doing something different than usual from Kurabe, but he didn't find out what it was until his mentor came to his room. Almost immediately, he regretted it, as his mentor was fussing over his appearance for nearly an hour.

"Please remember to stand up straight, Meta. It'd be rude to slouch. Remember that you're the representative of all my students and you must act like it."

He only pouted in response. In his eyes, this wouldn't help with all the teasing he had to endure from a few of his fellow students.

"Sensei, is this party we're going to really that important? Couldn't just you and Mercury go?" He asked with a sigh.

His mentor gave a slight giggle. "What? Can't I show off my adorable student?"

The youth pouted at that. If there was anything he hated, it was being treated like a child.

"Sensei, I would appreciate it if you treated me like my age... and I'm supposed to be a soldier! Not cute!"

"You can be both."

"But I don't want to! Besides, why aren't you dressed up?"

"Because my armor looks formal enough for important events and deadly enough to wear on the battlefield."

Meta just groaned, not having a good argument for that. "What's even the point of this party anyway? You just told me it's important without explaining why."

"Well, it's being hosted by one of our biggest financial backers, Heimham. He was the financer and the one who built many of our battleships, including the GranEssex, so it's seen as an important courtesy to him. Oh, and Reedy is also coming, so be on your best behavior as well."

Meta just kept grumbling. He didn't necessarily hate Reedy, but he certainly wasn't a fan of him. He could stand being in the same room as him at least. The sane could not be said for the rest of the party goers. Ever since that mission on Artik, Meta had a severe dislike for royalty and the rich. The way they all looked down on others just because of the fact they were rich really got under his skin. They were all the same: cowards with undeserved egos. He then felt a hand be placed on his hand.

"Meta, you don't have to talk to anyone if you don't want to. Just stay with me and Mercury... or even Reedy, I guess, if it makes you feel better, ok?"

"I already planned on it, sensei. I still don't understand why I have to be the student representative."

"Meta, it's unfortunate, but the fact of the matter is that you will have to attend events like this throughout your life. Think of it as training if you must."

He only silently nodded.

"Oh, and I guess I can mention it to you, but Reedy's wife will also be coming with us. So, he should be less of a pain than normal."

Meta didn't outwardly react to this, but he was always curious about Reedy's wife. More specifically, it was what she saw in Reedy in the first place. All he saw was a smug man who was occasionally nice.

"And... there. Now we need to just wait for Mercury to finish."

Meta looked in the mirror to see no difference in his appearance outside of his hat being straighter on his head. Then they both heard knocking on the wall, turning around to see Mercury.

"I've been ready for the past two hours Kurabe." She said, a hint of annoyance in her voice.

The moment Meta saw her, he could feel his cheeks turning hot. She was wearing a beautiful dark blue dress with a black shawl and bright blue hairpiece. It was a much more elegant contrast to her standard uniform, which was best described as being strangely formal and casual at the same time.

Kurabe was the first to speak. "It's been a while since I've seen you wear that, Mercury. It still suites you."

She then gently nudged Meta as if saying "go on, say something.".

He slightly jumped a bit.

"You... you look beautiful... Mercury..." He uttered, feeling his face become even hotter.

Mercury smiled. "Thanks, Meta. Now hopefully Reedy will get off my case about it. He's been hounding me about wearing a dress today for the past week." She said, slightly adjusting her shawl.

However, Kurabe and Meta knew she was happy about wearing this dress. The smile on her face was too genuine. Honestly, the youth could understand it somewhat. She looked extremely beautiful in it and couldn't take his eyes off her.

"Well, now that we're all ready, we should get going then." Kurabe suddenly said after clearing her throat.

"Sensei, should I bring a weapon just in case?" Meta asked.

In truth, he wanted to bring a sword with him. He couldn't really explain it, but he felt more at ease when he held a weapon or at least carried one on him. Kurabe had a thoughtful expression and pulled out a fancy sword from the closet, showing it to him.

"This is a ceremonial blade. It doesn't have an edge to it, but it certainly looks good with you, Meta. It's sheath even matches your outfit."

He took it in his hand, looked at it, and then nodded as he put it on his side. "Thank you, sensei. This makes me feel a lot more comfortable."

"You're welcome, Meta. Just don't threaten any of the guests with it." She said with a smile.

Meta couldn't tell if she was being serious or not.

---------

An hour later the GranEssex party of three arrived at the location of the party. It was being held at Heimham's personal mansion, though from Meta's perspective it looked more like a castle.

"Now presenting, the Lady of Shadows Kurabe and her party." One of the butlers announced as they entered the main ballroom.

Almost immediately, he felt the gazes of many people fall upon him.

"The moment I can, I'm running back to the ship..." The youth thought to himself, already annoyed by the atmosphere and gazes.

"Do it and see what happens, Meta." Kurabe whispered.

He gave a slight flinch, noting the deadly way she uttered that. As much as he wanted to question what would happen, he already knew. His mentor would be absolutely furious. It seemed like his only option would be staying with her and Mercury. Even Reedy would be better if it meant he didn't need to be around these irritating nobles much. If anything, hopefully Kurabe wouldn't try to embarrass him. He looked around the interior of the mansion. It truly was an impressive place, and it was obvious that a lot of love and care was put into building and decorating it. Though he noticed something that quickly angered him. Many of the party goers were glaring at Mercury, eyes filled with disgust.

"...I'll explain it to your later." He heard his mentor whisper. However, he could sense that she had also noticed this and angered by it.

"Sensei?" Just as he asked that, he was suddenly cut off by yet another announcement.

"Introducing the Silver Tactician Reedy and his cohort."

Immediately, the group turned back to see it was Reedy, but locked in his arm was a small, winged woman wearing a fuchsia dress and red bandana that covered her yellow hair.

"That's probably his wife." Meta thought.

He also noticed that Reedy was also receiving glares. While neither Mercury nor Reedy seemed to care, it still annoyed him. It was to the point where he just wanted to pull his mentor to the side and ask her about it. However, there was no time, as the pair had been making their way towards them.

"There you are. I see you look beautiful as ever in that, Mer." Reedy said, pushing his glasses up.

"Reed, are you really going to say that while Raita's here?" She replied with a giggle.

"Oh, you don't need to worry about me, Mercury. Reedy spent the entire trip here complimenting me."

"I'm sure he did. That's just how he is."

The man just shyly averted his eyes.

Meta only continued to silently gaze around. "...do they just not notice all of the glares? Or are they... just ignoring them...?" He thought.

"Oh, I believe you haven't met Meta yet. Allow me to introduce you." He was suddenly broken out of his thoughts by Reedy's voice.

"Raita, this is Kurabe's student, Meta. Meta, this is my wife, Raita."

"It's nice to meet you." He responded shyly.

The woman gave a big smile.

"Aww, you're a lot cuter than I thought you'd be! I know Reedy said you were a Star Warrior, but he never said you were this cute!" She said, shaking his hand.

Meta just internally groaned. Yet another person calling him cute. At least she was polite about it.

"I don't think I've seen any of your kind around..." He then uttered, trying to push the conversation away from him being cute.

"Oh, that's because I'm a fairy!" She replied simply.

"A fairy?" She tilted her head.

"You haven't heard of fairies before? We're a species that populate a planet known as Ripple Star."

Admittedly while Meta has researched different species, he only read about species with combat abilities. If they didn't fight, he just skipped the entry in the research book he had.

"Well, I guess that doesn't matter." She then said before giving a slightly dreamy sigh. "Ah... Ripple Star. It reminds me of when Reedy and I first met."

"Raita, I believe we should take our seats now for the meal. We should be at the same table as Kurabe." Reedy quickly cut her off.

"We can discuss this when we seat ourselves!"

Meta silently nodded, honestly hoping that they would be leaving immediately after eating.

---------

The two groups sat down to each other and awaited the meal. Meta at least was somewhat looking forward to this, but he doubted any of it could beat Kurabe's cooking.

"May we have your attention please, everyone? Mr. Heimham would look to say a few words to you all." One of the butlers said.

A man of average height and stature walked forward and gave a quick look around. His eyes landed on the GranEssex group, and he gave them a warm smile. Curious, Meta read his emotions and none of them were negative.

"Maybe some rich guys are alright…" Meta hesitantly thought to himself.

"First of all, I would like to thank you all for coming on this very special day. Not only is this the celebration of the completion of this mansion, but this is also the celebration of the 70th anniversary of Heimham Corporation. As you know, this company was run by my father, and we have been on the cutting edge of space transport for several years…" He continued to go on and on.

Kurabe and Raita were glued to his speech, while Meta was just bored. He looked Mercury who had a look of worry on her face. This confused the youth, as the woman was her usual cool self the whole time. He then glanced at Reedy who also looked concerned. What was going on? Then, the expression on the woman's face turned slightly fearful as she dabbed part of her face with her napkin. Suddenly, the man looked at her and quickly said something to her in sign language before they stood up and walked to a private corner of the ballroom. Meta wanted to follow, but one glance from Kurabe kept him from moving in his seat.

---------

Once they were a safe distance away from everyone, the two began talking.

"Reedy, what are we going to do? It could be anywhere, for all we know it's already replaced someone else!"

"We're going to have to ask for an emergency administration of the Reedy Exam, Mercury. I think that's the best option to root it out."

The woman gave an uneasy look.

"I don't think that's possible. There's no doubt this whole party will erupt into chaos if we just tell them."

"Maybe, but I'm sure people will be fine with it if we tell them that their lives depend on it... because it does."

Mercury still looked doubtful.

"Reedy, not everyone uses their brains when under pressure. The more likely scenario is that the majority will accuse us!"

"The majority might, but who will the majority listen to?"

"Mr. Heimham."

"Exactly. We talk to him and then he'll announce the news." He then took a look up at the stage where the host was talking. "Speaking of which, he should be done with his speech in a bit. I'll go tell him about it. You should go back and stay with Kurabe."

Mercury still looked unsure.

"Mer, it will be alright. I promise."

"It's not that I don't trust you, Reed, it's just... I'm afraid. Surely, it must sense that we're here as well and it's going to target me because I'm the weaker Limet..."

"Which is precisely why I want you to get back to Kurabe. She's the strongest person here. The hivemind would have to be either incredibly brave, stupid, or desperate to try anything with her around."

The woman stared at him silently before nodding. "Please be careful, Reed."

She then made her way back to the table. Before Meta could ask anything upon her return, Kurabe spoke first.

"It's a hivemind, isn't it?" She questioned in a matter-of-fact way, as if she already knew what was going on.

"Y... yes." Mercury replied with a shiver.

"...hivemind?" Meta asked his mentor.

Kurabe looked conflicted. While she wanted to explain the situation, she didn't want to make Mercury feel any more uncomfortable than she already was.

"It's ok, Kurabe, you can tell him." The woman whispered.

The warrior nodded in response before turning to her student. "Simply put, someone at this party is a hivemind Limet."

Meta's eyes widened in shock.

"There are two types of Limets in this universe. There are normal ones like Mercury and Reedy, who have their own thoughts, feelings, and peacefully co-exist with all races and species. Then there are hivemind Limets, who exist to do nothing but expand their numbers and spread their influence. They're terrifying beings who assimilate and mimic entire living beings without prejudice. Those with higher power levels could even destroy an entire planet."

Meta didn't exactly know how to process this information.

"Wait... without prejudice? So, it'll attack other Limets for no reason?"

That explained why Mercury was so distressed at the moment.

"They especially love to target other Limets since the squishy metal on the outside of their core gives them more material. In other words, more ways to hide themselves."

"That's horrifying."

The youth wasn't easily frightened or disturbed, thanks his harsh upbringing. But this... this was truly something else.

"Wait, is that why everyone kept glaring at Mercury? Because they think she's some kind of monster?"

"That's exactly it. While it has toned down fairly recently, there still exists people who hold a stigma against Limets due to the hiveminds."

"But that's stupid! Mercury isn't a hivemind, so they have nothing to be afraid of!"

"I know, Meta. But remember that fear tends to be more powerful than logical thinking in some situations."

Meta couldn't refute that, but he definitely didn't like it. He then felt Mercury place a hand on his shoulder.

"Thank you for sticking up for me, Meta, but for now we have more important issues to worry about. Reedy should be done talking to Mr. Heimham any minute now."

After a few minutes of waiting, Reedy then returned to the table as Heimham went back up on stage.

"Attention everyone, I have an announcement to make. I don't how to word this in a proper manner, but it must be said. A hivemind has infiltrated the party and before you begin to accuse our Limet guests I have already confirmed they are not working with it." He said with stern eyes, his mood completely different from before.

The gathered crowd began to chatter incomprehensibly. While Meta couldn't exactly pick up all the conversations, he did note that there was a great increase of animosity within the room, more than likely directed at Mercury and Reedy.

"Now, before we go any further, I'd like for everyone to take an emergency Reedy Exam. This is a simple test with a fail rate of 0.01% that will be able to determine who the hivemind is. Unless you would like to be so brave and show yourself immediately."

"Why should we do something made by a Limet?" One of the guests asked.

Before any of the GranEssex crew could object, someone did it for them.

"I dunno about you all, but I'd rather not risk my life because of a bunch of whiny idiots. Sign me up for the test!" Yelled out a blue penguin wearing a green robe.

"...sensei, you wouldn't happen to know who that is, would you?"

But before she could respond, the penguin stomped up to the stage, followed by a ball creature with no mouth and a dark navy bandana, and took the microphone from Heimham.

"Look, if you guys are so desperate to die, go and be my guest! But if you ask me, I wanna live to see tomorrow! And if you want to see tomorrow, you better take it, too!"

There was a moment of silence before someone else from the crowd shouted. "Who the hell are you?!"

"You don't know ME?! The great and mighty King Bebebe?!"

"Good to see you haven't changed at all, Bebebe." Kurabe said to the loud penguin.

Without missing a beat, he turned to her while still speaking into the mic.

"Greetings, O Lady of Shadows, how are you?"

"I've been quite well. Much busier than last time we talked, but nothing I can't handle."

As they continued their casual conversation, Meta turned to Mercury.

"Mercury, who is that man? He seems... strange."

"That's King Bebebe. He's a king that Kurabe often takes missions from."

"Not only that, but he's an avid supporter of the Organization. We're on good terms with him and his country." Reedy explained further.

Meta just blinked at this. "What country?"

"The Crescent Kingdom. A peaceful kingdom inhabited mostly by penguins like Bebebe, but other races do live there as well."

Meta nodded in understanding. Then he heard Heimham clear his throat and take the microphone from the king.

"That's enough, all of you. We need to focus finding the hivemind before something-"

Suddenly, all the lights in the mansion turned off, covering everything in darkness. Then just as quickly as they disappeared, the lights came back on.

"IT'S THE HIVEMIND! THE HIVEMIND IS DOING THIS!" One of the guests shouted.

"It's those damn Limets!" Another one chimed in.

Mercury moved closer to Reedy and Kurabe, slightly shuddering in discomfort.

"...for the hivemind to be able to hide this well, there's no doubt it's a rank 10..." Reedy uttered under his breath.

Suddenly. there was an ear-piercing shriek.

"HE'S DEAD!" Someone shouted.

One of the party goers was indeed dead and it looked like all of his energy was completely drained from him. That wasn't the worst part however, as the victim's face was horribly disfigured, making it impossible to tell who the victim even was.

"Sir, we need to do the test, NOW!" Reedy yelled urgently.

"R-right!" The man then turned to the crowd. "Everyone, calm down. We need you to do the test!"

The crowd was too much in a panic to listen. Kurabe sighed as mana coursed through her body.

With a mana charged shout, she yelled. "SETTLE DOWN UNLESS YOU WANT TO DIE!"

That caused everyone to become silent and stare at her.

"Now, let's calm down and talk this out like adults. We're all going to take the Reedy Exam, it's the only way for us to completely guarantee we can find the hivemind. Unless you'd rather the other option..."

With a single clack of her heel on the floor, the entire surrounding floor area was now covered in ice. Everyone shook their heads in fear.

"Good. Reedy, please explain how the test works."

"Very well." Reedy then took the microphone.

"Can't we just heat up a hot wire and test everyone's blood?" A random guest asked.

"Do you really think we have time to test the blood of everyone here? Besides, that's only effective for telling the difference between Limets and non-Limets." Reedy said bluntly. "Plus, not every species has blood. So, a test like that would be pointless."

"Then what do we do?"

"I was going to explain that before you interrupted me." The man replied in an annoyed tone. "Normal test administration is a pair of two aspects: Asking questions to elicit an emotional response and forcing a hivemind body to react using electricity, or extreme heat or cold in dire situations. As Heimham noted, this test has a 0.01% fail rate, which makes it nearly impossible for a hivemind to pass except for under extremely rare circumstances that I doubt would happen."

"Then why don't you go first, huh!? Show us you aren't actually the hivemind!" One of them asked.

"I shall. Kurabe, ask me a question."

The warrior nodded. "Alright. Why did you decide to marry Raita?"

"Starting strong I see. That's very you, Kurabe. Very well. It starts with my first meeting with Raita. I was out on a mission, and I was wounded rather fatally. I would have died if not for a certain wandering medic. Raita found my half dead body and managed to heal me back to full health. I asked her why she would risk healing me, seeing as she had no idea if I was hostile or not. She responded with "all living creatures deserve compassion". Then I asked if even a monster like myself deserved kindness. For reference, back then, I had a myriad of issues I'd rather not talk about it. She told me that if I really was a monster, I would have killed her instead of talking with her like I had been. Since that day we would always make time to meet up and eventually I stopped viewing myself in such a negative way. Raita saved me in more than one way and that is why I will always love her."

Kurabe nodded. "I see. I believe that is sufficient proof that you are not one."

"While it should be, may as well do the cold test, for efficiency's sake."

She then hid a smirk.

"As you wish."

Tracing a rune and opening her mouth, a blast of cold air came out and surrounded Reedy. While it was clear he hated it, he didn't react violently to it either.

"Ok, ok, you can stop now, Kurabe." He groaned.

"Really? But I'm having so much fun with this."

"I know you are, woman, but we still have to test every guest! We don't have time for this childishness!"

That seemed to snap her back. "Ah, right, right. So, who should be next, then?"

"Do me so I can leave already!" Bebebe yelled out.

"Alright, since you volunteered, you can go next." Reedy nodded.

But just as they were about to perform the test, they were interrupted.

"Reedy, do you mind if I go to the bathroom?" He immediately knew the voice was Raita's.

The man slowly looked at her with an annoyed expression.

"Honey, I'd rather you didn't. We need everyone present for safety reasons."

"I'll go with her." Mercury said, standing up.

Meta quickly turned to her, as if shocked. "Mercury, are you sure it's fine if you go on your own with her? I-if you want, I can go with both of you!"

The woman shook her head.

"I appreciate the concern, but I'll be fine, Meta. Besides, you'll be helpful to Reedy with the tests, seeing as you're talented with reading others. Also, it's the girls room." She said, laughing at the last part.

He opened his mouth to protest, but then shut it in embarrassment.

"Ok..." was all he said.

She gave a slight nod and headed towards the exit with Raita.

"Mercury, just please promise me you'll come back safe!" The youth suddenly shouted.

"I will, Meta!" She replied with a wave as she exited.

"So, are we gonna get on with this test or what?" Bebebe grumbled, arms crossed.

"Oh, right."

Kurabe then did the cold test on Bebebe. The Waddle Dee assistant stared blankly as the king was turned into an ice cube for a brief moment.

"...I think he's not a hivemind."

"I knew that already. He was too impatient to be one."

---------

As Raita went in to use the restroom, Mercury waited outside on her own.

That bad feeling still was present, and it shook her to the core. While all hiveminds were frightening, there was one detail about this one that made it particularly that to her: it was a level 10 on the strength spectrum. In other words, it was on Reedy's level of strength. There was no doubt that encountering it would be fatal for her, due to her strength being that of a level 8. She clenched her shawl uneasily. It wasn't just this feeling of loneliness despite Raita being nearby or the idea that a hivemind is present that made her uneasy. It was the atmosphere of this hallway. It was dimly lit, a bit chilly, and simply made her even more frightened. A part of her wanted to take Meta's offer but she was against it full heartedly. She was right when she said he'd be more useful helping Reedy. That and she didn't want to risk him getting attacked by the hivemind. He was strong for his age, but nowhere strong enough to handle the hivemind. He would die for sure, and she wanted to avoid that. It was the same with Kurabe. While she would be able to handle herself against the hivemind due to her powerful ice magic, she was better suited to helping Reedy. Not only that, but Mercury would simply never be able to forgive herself if something happened to her. Honestly, she wanted Kurabe to just freeze the entire mansion, but she knew Kurabe wouldn't do that. The amount of power needed to freeze every inch of this place could potentially kill herself and Reedy. Kurabe would never risk that. It made her feel... helpless.

"Raita, how much longer are you going to be?" She suddenly asked. She just wanted to get back with the others as soon as possible. At least if she was with Kurabe, she would feel somewhat safe.

"Sorry, Mercury, I'll be done soon!"

"Please make it quick, Raita, I'm getting tired of waiting."

"Lucky for you, you won't have to wait much longer."

A new, terrifying voice said from behind Mercury.

"WHO ARE-!?" She couldn't even finish that sentence.

The moment she looked behind her, she saw a formless and vaguely humanoid mass. It was the hivemind. Her heart stopped. How... how was it here already? She didn't even hear any movement this entire time! Her instincts were telling her to run and scream for help. She tried to move, but she couldn't. She tried to scream, but she couldn't. It was like her entire body was paralyzed with fear. But she had to try her hardest. Just at least let someone know.

"SOMEONE HELP-"

"Now, now, none of that, my dear." The hivemind said while covering her mouth and pushing her into the wall.

The moment Mercury squirmed and attempted to scream for help again; she felt her lips begin to fuse closed as the liquid metal within them began to be absorbed. Suddenly, she heard Raita's voice from inside the bathroom.

"Mercury, is everything ok out there!?"

"Everything's fine, Raita. Take your time." The hivemind said, using Mercury's voice to answer.

Mercury's eyes widened even further. This was it; this was how she died: Slowly losing everything that made her who she is.

"Now, little Mercury, time to hand over that core of yours. Don't worry, I'll take good care of it."

Why did it have to ask that? It was going to take her core whether she wants it to or not. Before she could think anything else, she felt the hivemind's fingers take hold of her core and Mercury began to feel indescribable pain, all while her liquid metal body was slowly being absorbed into the hivemind's, shrinking ever so slowly. She could feel it digging deeper and deeper into her chest as it did, scraping away all the liquid metal surrounding it and absorbing it into its body, as if to show that she was completely defenseless and there was no escape.

"Please... stop...!" That was the only thing she could think.

The pain in her core only began to increase, as if giving a response to her plea to stop.

"Nghh... it hurts... it hurts... it hurts...!"

"There's nothing to be afraid of, Mercury." The hivemind spoke as it began to develop a strange, fishlike eye that stared at her unblinking. "You'll live on as a part of me. Doesn't that sound nice?"

"No, it doesn't you monster!" She tried to scream but was simply unable to due to her mouth being fused.

Her consciousness began to unravel. Her core shrilled even more with pain that was even worse than before. The metal on her body further melted and was absorbed. She had to do something, anything to get away. She couldn't die, not now! She needed to keep her promise to Meta. She needed to see her family again! She couldn't die full of regrets. But with each passing second, the faces of her family and friends were slowly fading away from her memory. Her consciousness was becoming fuzzier, with all of her thoughts becoming more and more incoherent. Tears were now flowing from her eyes, eyes that were slowly being absorbed with the rest of her face. At this point, she was just numb. There was no pain... or if there was, she could no longer feel it. Or was she simply desensitized to it? No, there was no way she would become desensitized to that much pain. But there was another question that came across her mind: Was this what it was like to be assimilated? If it was, it was the worst experience she'd ever had. At this point, she was almost completely absorbed. This was it. This was how she died. Her thoughts began to scramble even more as she panicked. She had to do something, anything to get away. With the last of her consciousness, Mercury noticed the hivemind was loosening its grip on her core, probably thinking it already won. With all the remaining energy she had, Mercury managed to snatch her core out of its grip and shot it out of her body like a cannon. The core flew straight down the hall, covered with a small amount of metal, enough to at least form into her base, slime-like form. The hivemind, who quickly took Mercury's appearance, just stared down the hall.

"No matter, I got what I needed. I can hunt the rest of her down later." It said with a sinister chuckle before walking back towards the ballroom.

Meanwhile, Mercury herself remained still. She was slightly dazed as she began to process what happened. Then she felt it. The immense pain that emanated from her core.

"It hurts..." She whimpered as she slowly inched along the floor.

"It hurts..."

Tears began to well up in her eyes.

"It hurts..."

She gave a slight shudder. Just... focus on finding metal. Then she could safely return to the group. She travelled down the hallway, as if in a trance.

"It hurts... it hurts..."

Getting further down the hall, Mercury came across the mansion's kitchen. Thankfully it was completely empty so she could absorb metal in peace. Well, Heimham wasn't going to like losing multiple pots and pans, but she had to absorb them. Well, at least that would be the case at first. There was no doubt he would understand everything once it was explained later. She needed as much metal as she could get to return to a more mobile form and tell the others about the hivemind. Unless... it had already reached them and killed them! No, she shouldn't think like that. But on second thought... why shouldn't she at this point, though? One of the biggest worst-case scenarios have already happened! What's stopping her from thinking about much deadlier ones? Nothing, that's what. For all she knows, everyone could already be dead, and it would all be because of her. All because... she was just like that monster. No, she shouldn't think like that. Kurabe wouldn't die that easily. Neither would Reedy or Meta. No matter how much it hurt for her to exist, she had to try. She needed to see her family's faces one more time. With a renewed determination, Mercury began to absorb all the metal she could.

---------

Meanwhile, Meta was growing even more concerned as time went on. None of the people he helped test were the hivemind and Mercury had yet to return with Raita. He then felt a hand on his head and looked up to see it was Kurabe.

"It's going to be fine, Meta. I'm sure Mercury is still ok. She promised that she'd come back."

"I know that, sensei, but I can't stop being worried about her. I've never seen her act so afraid before." Meta replied, his tone full of sadness.

"I'm worried, too, but we have to trust in her, ok?" She said before triggering another ice spell on some guests.

He only silently nodded.

Suddenly, the door to the ballroom slammed open and there stood Mercury, barely standing, her dress tattered, and looking extremely disheveled.

"M-Mercury!? What happened?!" Reedy was the first one to shout.

"The hivemind attacked me, but I was barely able to get away!" The woman quickly responded, stepping further into the room.

Reedy, Kurabe and Meta looked incredibly shocked, but before they could react to the news, a second Mercury appeared from the opposite side of the ballroom, her dress also tattered and looking equally disheveled.

"Don't listen to that monster! That thing is the hivemind!"

"Damn it, we've reached a worst-case scenario." Reedy grumbled urgently as he placed a finger on his chin.

"Why's that, can't we just freeze both and see which one reacts violently?" Heimham asked, hiding behind the group of interrogators.

"Unfortunately, no. When a hivemind manages to absorb even a small amount of another Limet, the surge in power temporarily removes that weakness. It's still weak to cold but it won't react violently like it would before." The man quickly explained, a grim expression on his face.

"Then I'll try reading their emotions!" Meta yelled, desperate to find and help the real Mercury.

However, to his surprise, he couldn't sense anything from either of them. Both the Mercurys' emotions were too scrambled for him to get a proper reading.

"I... I can't tell a thing..."

"That's exactly what I was afraid of. The real Mercury must have been reasonably traumatized, so it's impossible to accurately read her emotions." Reedy continued his explanation.

Meta froze up when he heard that. Just the thought of Mercury going through something like that made him sick to his stomach.

"Reedy, Kurabe, Meta, you all know I'm the real one! Please stop the hivemind!"

"Don't you dare try and deceive them, you monster! They'll never fall for it!"

"Why would I need to deceive them when I'm the real Mercury?"

"You will never be me!"

The Mercurys kept shouting at each other while many of the party guests ran out of the mansion in a panicked frenzy, leaving only Kurabe, Meta, Reedy, the two Mercurys, and Heimham behind. For a moment, the warrior stared at the argument silently before she flicked her wrists to create runes. It was then that the two Mercurys were encased in two individual boxes of ice.

"In case you both have forgotten; you have one more test to complete... one that will no doubt prove who the real Mercury is. The questioning round."

She calmly stepped down from the stage and stepped in front of them.

"I'm going to ask you both a few questions... questions that only the real Mercury could answer. If your answers are wrong... well, I don't think I need to tell you what will happen. Do I make myself clear?" She finished coldly.

While Meta wanted to ask why his mentor was acting like this, he could already sense the fear and worry emanating from her. This was merely an act she was putting on to make herself seem brave and focus herself on finding the hivemind. One Mercury had a confident grin while the other looked on edge but nodded her head.

"To the real Mercury, I'm very sorry about this..." Kurabe whispered low enough so no one can hear it.

"First question: Why do you like being in your humanoid form rather than your blob form?"

The on-edge Mercury quickly answered. "All Limets are born looking mostly the exact same. I hated being just another face in the crowd. I wanted a form that allowed me to express who I actually am."

Kurabe then glared at her. "...and?"

"...I like being tall." The woman finished shyly.

She then turned to the one that grinned.

"And what is your answer?"

"Self-expression. I always hated being a blob. Being so small and defenseless. In this form I can actually be Mercury instead of a Limet named Mercury."

Kurabe glared at this Mercury. Unfortunately, both of these statements are accurate to the real Mercury, so she gave a slight sigh.

"Second question, what made you want to become my friend and eventual vice-captain?"

The one that grinned spoke first. "We were comrades in arms, were we not?"

The one on edge gave a genuine smile. "You saved my life. I would have died that day if not for you, not to mention how you were always quick to defend me when someone accused me of being... a monster." Her face fell after the word "monster" left her mouth.

The warrior nodded again. "Third question: what was the happiest day of your life?"

The grinning one immediately stopped and actually had to think. The other one, however...

"That's easy. It was the day you asked me to be your partner. Up to that point, I only joined the organization because I wanted to prove not all Limets were evil. But it was tough, every day another person would insult and ridicule me. You helped put a stop to all of that. When I joined your team, I felt like I could actually be happy for once. Even if I didn't deserve it."

Kurabe then nodded. "And what about you?"

"The day I came up with my humanoid form. That was the day I could truly be me."

Kurabe seemed to glare doubtfully. "Fourth question: How do you feel about Reedy?"

"He's overbearing at times and can be quite a pain, but I still look up to him and love him like a brother." The previously on edge Mercury answered instantly. It seemed as if she was slowly becoming calmer with each passing question.

She then turned to the other Mercury.

"He's my brother. He's helped me a lot throughout my life, and I'll always be grateful for that."

Kurabe exhaled once more.

"Fifth question: How do you feel about Meta?"

The calm Mercury quickly answered. "At first, I wasn't sure what to think about him. I thought he was a good kid when we first met but now, he's like a little brother to me. Watching him slowly develop the past few years has made me so proud of him."

The warrior then turned to the other one. "And what about you?"

"He's a... good friend."

Kurabe then became silent for a moment before speaking once more.

"Final question! This is the ultimate question that only the real Mercury could answer!" She shouted, pausing for the sake of tension. "How did Meta propose to you!?"

The calm one lost her composure, and her face became red.

"Kurabe, what the hell are you talking about!?" She shouted.

"That's easy, with a ring and a bouquet of roses." The grinning one answered.

Instantly, several spikes of ice shot through the grinning one's chest.

"That was a trick question. It never happened." Kurabe said coldly with a single, red-eyed glare.

That Mercury slowly morphed back into its original form, still grinning. A grin void of any emotion. In fury, Kurabe traced another rune, covering the entire inside of the box with spikes. Then, the spikes began to grow larger and larger, slowly encroaching to pierce the core.

"I'm going to make sure you suffer before you die." Kurabe uttered with a slightly sinister chuckle.

"Kurabe before you administer the killing blow, I have one question for the hivemind."

She looked back to see that it was Reedy who interrupted her. He adjusted his glasses, as if looking down on the hivemind.

"What was your plan? Why this party and why Mercury?" He then asked, not even bothering to hide his anger.

"That's quite simple. I've learned of this party while scavenging for food. I always enjoyed the taste of the rich and greedy. You can imagine my surprise when I saw... not only one Limet, but two! My original plan was to absorb the weaker one and maybe even absorb you. Then when I gained a few of her memories I hatched another idea. I would sneak my way into the GranEssex and kill everyone on board, starting with the so-called Unkillable. Unfortunately, I didn't account for the real Mercury to regenerate that quickly."

"I see." Reedy said coldly. He then summoned a bow and arrow and fired it, obliterating the head. "Kurabe, please finish the core."

"Don't need to ask me twice."

With a quick flick of the wrist, the hivemind's core was completely destroyed by ice, leaving nothing behind. At the same time, the true Mercury was freed from the ice box and was quickly wrapped up in a hug from Kurabe. After a short moment, the woman began to speak up.

"Kurabe, I'm-"

"Shhh... don't apologize, Mercury. It wasn't your fault." Her voice began to tremble. "If this is anyone's fault, it's mine. I should have gone with you..."

"No, if anyone is to blame, it's me. I should have objected more than I did. I failed you, Mercury, and I know I can never make it up to you." Reedy uttered, kneeling down beside her.

"No, it's my fault! I should've gone with her!" Meta then shouted.

Heimham quietly watched on, his eyes slowly watering. He blamed himself for this mess as it was his party that brought that monster here in the first place.

Mercury couldn't find the words she wanted to say. She was overwhelmed by the love and support she was receiving, even if she believed she didn't deserve it. She quietly allowed Kurabe to keep holding her tight, before falling asleep.

The warrior smiled despite the tears forming in her eyes. "Sleep well, my sister."

Slowly the rest of the guests came back in after being told it was safe to return to the party.

Then Raita entered.

"Hey, guys, is Mercury here? I didn't see her outside the bathroom and-"

She then saw the group together, with Reedy carrying a sleeping Mercury in his arms. Immediately, she flew up to her husband.

"Reedy, what happened to her? Is she-?"

"I'll explain later. We're leaving now."

He then turned back to Heimham.

"Mr. Heimham, on behalf of both me and the Lady of Shadows, we would like to formally apologize for causing this trouble and to pardon us for leaving early." He quickly said with a bow.

"Nonsense. Neither of you have anything to apologize about. Please tell Miss Mercury that I'm deeply sorry for what happened when she wakes up."

Kurabe simply nodded. "Very well, I will."

"Why are you just letting that thing get away-?!"

One of guests started to say before being immediately cut off by Meta pointing his sword at them. "Be quiet. The only monsters here are the ones I'm looking at."

The party guest only stared in silence as Meta gave another glare towards him and followed his mentor out.

---------

Upon reaching the ship Mercury started to regain consciousness and saw that Reedy was carrying her.

"I'm still alive?"

"Yes, you are. And to make sure of it, Raita was healing your injuries on the way back." He replied.

She then looked at the fairy, who quickly bowed. "Mercury, I'm so sorry, it's all my fault that-"

"Please don't apologize, Raita. Don't blame yourself." Mercury said as she shook her head. She then stepped onto the ground herself. "Everyone, I'm sorry I..."

She shook her head.

"Thank you for taking me back here, everyone. I'm just going to go to sleep now... I feel so tired..." She began to stumble on to the ship.

"Mercury, are you sure you're ok?" Kurabe asked, stepping forward to attempt to assist her.

"I'll be fine. Don't worry." She gave a smile in response.

The warrior wanted to stop her and talk but she also knew Mercury needed to sleep. She looked like she could collapse at any minute.

"At least allow me to walk you to your room."

"Thank you, but I can walk on my own."

Kurabe just stared at her doubtfully. "Mercury, please sleep well."

The woman nodded back.

"I'll try to."

She then left to head to her room.

After a moment of silence, Reedy spoke up. "Kurabe, if you don't mind, may I stay on your ship for a few days?"

"Permission granted. I'm going to need all the help I can get." She replied with a simple nod.

Meanwhile, Meta was just looking quietly at where Mercury was standing in concern.

---------

After a bit of struggling, Mercury managed to make it to her room and shut the door. She slowly ambled her way to her bed and simply collapsed, having barely any energy left.

"...it hurts." she whispered.

Slowly, she morphed into her blob form, unable to... or rather, unwilling to stay in her humanoid form. Visions of what the hivemind did to her kept flashing through her mind, one aspect sticking out more than any other: assimilation. A horrible, disgusting process that she herself was capable of doing. It absolutely sickened her to no end fully knowing that she shared anything in common with that monster.

"It hurts..."

The pain was still fresh in her memory. It was sharp and agonizing, it made her genuinely feel she was going to die. Is that really how it felt? Is that what she did when she assimilated? Is that what everything felt when they were assimilated?

"It hurts..."

Then her core, her heart. It was attacked violently, there was nothing more to say. Simply put, she felt completely and utterly violated. Or... maybe that was just payment for being born as such an utterly disgusting creature. One that could do such a disgusting and horrible practice that only made her sick the more she thought about it. The faces of family again flashed through her mind, but she couldn't see their smiles anymore.

"I'm sorry, everyone."

She let out a quiet sob.

"...I'm a monster."

--

Toyhouse pages for characters first appearing in this chapter:

Raita

King Bebebe

Morimura Dee

#kirby fanfic #granessex chronicles #meta knight #mercury kirby #kurabe #raita kirby #reedy #king bebebe #morimura dee #art of rikka #tw: assault #tw: dark themes

[adragonsfriend]

Do or Do Not, There is No Try

I have seen, I think, the full gamut of misinterpretations of this phrase, so, I'm going to take a crack at breaking down its meaning, and also look a little at its impact on Luke, because someone once tried to tell me that Sidious couldn't've conquered the galaxy without Yoda, and I'm here to say that that's *so funny*, because actually Luke couldn't've saved Anakin without Yoda's teachings.

Let's look at another, simpler example first, to establish my method of analysis. Pretty much, it's about context. Lets take the sentence,

"Hey, don't cry, don't cry."

Let's ask some key questions:

Who would might be saying this and who might they be saying this to? An adult or older child might say this to a young child.

When might this be said? When the child is distressed, and either crying or potentially about to start crying.

What might the older person's intention be in this scenario? Comforting the child.

What is the cultural context? Crying can be caused by a wide variety of intense emotions, but (in modern western culture at least) it is most strongly associated with sadness or pain, negative emotions. There are sometimes negative attitudes about crying being a sign of weakness, but that's not a uniformly held idea, and young children generally get a pass on this.

We can debate about whether saying "Hey, don't cry, don't cry," is the best way to comfort someone who is crying and whether it does or doesn't reenforce negative ideas about crying, but phrased the way I've phrased it, and said in a generally comforting tone and accompanied by other comforting actions, it doesn't literally mean, "I command you to stop crying immediately."

It means, "I see that you're sad/hurting. I wish that you weren't experiencing those negative emotions that are causing you to cry, because I care about you and how you feel. You're going to be okay and this is a situation that we can handle."

(If anyone has, like, specific trauma around this phrase, please note I'm not saying you're not valid for having whatever feelings you have about it, I'm looking at it in the situation described above where intentions are all around pretty positive)

See? Context.

Now let's look at our phrase,

Do or do not, there is no try.

First, a list of common misinterpretations, some of which (I believe) come from people trying really hard to make sense of this phrase but coming at it from the wrong lens, some of which take it very literally, and some of which are cop outs:

it's not just advice about how to use the Force

it's not saying that effort doesn't exist, or that trying really hard is stupid

it's not saying that putting in your best effort is worthless if you don't succeed

it's definitely not saying to only do things you already know you can succeed at

it's not a meaningless platitude, and it's not totally open to any interpretation you'd like

So, context questions:

Who is saying this? Yoda, a life-long teacher of the Force, of lightsaber dueling, and of philosophy. Also a life-long leader, humanitarian, and warrior. He is also a Jedi.

Who is Yoda saying this to? Luke, his student, who aspires to face defeat a terrible evil--the empire--and generally help people where ever he goes. He intends do so by becoming a Jedi.

What is Luke doing when Yoda says this? He is talking about how he really needs his X-wing to not sink into the swamp so he can get off the planet, at the same time as he's saying, "But I don't really know if I can do anything about that so I'm gonna half-try and then give up," and, "My X-wing is very important but I can't have it but I need it so I'm not going to seek out any other solutions to my problem either." In this moment, Luke is whining, and not facing up to his problems (he got it from his dad).

What is Yoda doing when he says this? He's lifting Luke's X-wing out of the swamp with the Force, thereby solving Luke's most obvious outward problem--his dependence on his ship for transport. He's a teacher showing his student the capabilities of the Force, addressing another of Luke's outward problems--his lack of knowledge of the Force. He's also, because this is how both movies and teaching work, addressing Luke's main inward problem: his lack of perseverance and conviction. In this moment, Yoda is helping, and teaching.

So it's a phrase that, along with Yoda's demonstration, is meant to teach Luke something about conviction and effort. Well, we probably already knew most of that, so let's ask some more questions:

Is there a larger context of this phrase? Yes, this phrase is being said in a movie, and so Luke isn't it's only intended audience, and Yoda isn't the only one saying it. The other audience is us, the literal audience, and the writer is George Lucas. All the cues in the movie tell us the audience that Yoda saying this is an important moment we should be paying attention to.

What are his opinions of/intentions for Yoda and the Jedi? Extremely positive. He does not say they are perfect--the conclusion of RotJ says that Yoda and Obi-Wan were wrong about something--but he does say that Jedi are people striving very actively to help others and to be their best selves. These are characters through whom a lot of his beliefs about what goodness is and how people should live are being transmitted. So as this idea of Yoda's is not the one challenged by the conclusion of RotJ, we can assume it is meant to be interpreted positively.

What were George Lucas' cultural inspirations for Jedi culture that relate to this phrase? A combination of christianity, buddhism, and his own unique ideas. To oversimplify: Christianity gives us the light vs. dark, true evil and true good both exist and we should strive for goodness part, buddism gives us the mastery of self, non-attachment, and meditation parts. I am not an expert in any religion, and definitely not in buddhism--I was at least raised christian--but even I know enough to know I'm about to make some sweeping generalizations, so grain of salt, if you please. But disclaimers aside, I believe his phrase, and the way it is phrased, are and indication it is being inspired more by the buddhism side of things. The way christian texts, specifically the Bible, are written typically goes "here is a story/parable about some people doing something, and here is how big G god and/or Jesus reacted to that." There are plenty of metaphors sprinkled in, but they are mainly there to clarify points for readers. Buddhist texts on the other hand (and lots of other easter belief systems as well, like daoism, hinduism, etc. It's an important note that these belief systems don't necessarily conform to the western idea of what a religion is, and often their original languages don't even have a word which is equivalent in meaning to "religion") use metaphor and poetic language in often deliberately contradictory ways, to both express and make the reader/listener (lots of these "texts" were (and still are) oral traditions before they were written down) think about things which are considered impossible to fully express in words and which defy description in other ways as well. The ongoing, unresolved struggle to reconcile contradictory descriptions is the point. Importantly, this doesn't mean those texts can be interpreted however a reader would like. There may be more than one right interpretations, but there can also be wrong, or lacking, interpretations.

Our phrase has a positive/useful message (you can debate whether you agree with that message later, if you'd like), it can't just be about the Force since a very non-Force having audience it meant to gain something from hearing it, and it's not meant to be taken entirely literally.

From here, it's me taking the context and running.

Do or do not, there is no try.

Yoda is making a statement about being decisive, about commitment, and about the unexpected power that can be found when you really put all your effort towards a goal.

Yoda is giving a lesson much more important than 'How to lift things 101,' and much more relevant than how to use the Force.

He's telling Luke to stop whining and make a decision about what it is that he really wants to do, and telling him that when he does know that that is, he needs to put all his effort behind that goal.

Star Wars is telling all of us to stop whining. To decide what we believe in and to act on it.

(If there are any Doctor Who fans who've made it this far, there is a really similar theme across Doctor Who, especially for the 12th Doctor--my personal favorite. Yoda and the Doctor would make wonderful chaos friends.)

And guess what? Luke takes this advice to heart. He decides he's going to redeem his father and he puts aside all doubt, all hesitation, everyone--Yoda, Obi-Wan, Leia, all of rebel leadership--who would tell him it's impractical or foolish or not worth his time.

Do or do not?

Luke is going to do this.

He's not going to say, "Eh I'd really like it if my father redeemed himself, but I don't know if I can do it or if I should try or how I should go about trying."

He makes the decision that he's committed to that path and then stakes his life on succeeding.

He may be going against Yoda's specific opinion on Vader, but he's absolutely doing so in accordance with the commitment which Yoda helped to teach him.

#star wars #sw rant #luke skywalker #yoda #do or do not #jedi philosophy #religious philosophy #literary analysis #star wars yeeteth

[lovedazai]

This is gonna be such a turn from your usual sweet asks. I'm deathly scared of being cheated on even though I've never been cheated on before but I've read about and seen the damage it can do. What do you think Dazai would be like if his significant other had the same fear? Because I genuinely always worry about it even though I have absolutely nothing to fear. I can understand my fear is irrational but it's there you know?

I want a partner like Dazai, his personality specifically because I feel like when it comes to personality I've realized I have a type and it's always been an eccentric and goofy pretty boy who can't help himself yet someone who has a depth to them that they'd only show you and they'd understand everything about you without you having to tell them first, they just pay attention to you, observe you.

That's one of the things I love about Dazai, he seems like the type to understand things about you without having to ask. He'd observe his partners fears, their ticks, if they have trauma, he'd know, if they have a fear, he'd pick up on it, if they like ordering the same thing everytime they eat, he'd pay attention to it, if you're more prone to forgetting things, he'd remind you, if you're anxious, he'd instantly tell, I hate those headcanons(not yours obviously because I don't think you've ever written something like this) that are like "if you had anxiety or a panic attack or your period or mood swings, Dazai wouldn't know what to do," because I genuinely think he would.

He's always reassuring, whatever fears you have especially about him, he'd reassure you. I've never seen him as the type to cheat, he seems like he'd probably save anyone the pain of that and just break up(I definitely do believe he needs to work on his unhealthy habits), but I completely believe based on his character (what we know and see in the SHOW) that if he got someone he is in love with completely, he'd never want to hurt them, Dazai is a "all or nothing" lover to me, he'd never half ass his love for you. The second he realizes he loves you, he'll stop flirting with women, he'd just stare at you intensely, I think he'd have a smile, a smile you won't understand at first but in your relationship, you'll soon realize that smile is "I'm looking at the person I love with stars in my eyes and a radiant glow to my smile."

The things he did for Oda, I'm talking Beast Dazai, making an entire change on a cosmic level just for the person he loves to survive and write his book, there's NO WAY this man would cheat nor half ass his love for someone. When he loves he LOVES. Him in love is scary for him but necessary, he literally won't be able to live without you, it seems codependent but I think it would go both ways, it's not in an unhealthy way but in a "I wanna be tied to you by our souls on every plane of existence there is." I'm sorry if this is long btw or too much☹️ I went a little overboard and I hope it's not bothersome 😭.

nonnie im so sorry it took me so long to reply i just wanted to wait until i had the time to properly respond :< !! u weren’t bothersome at all i promise!! <3

i think if u had a fear of cheating, dazai would prob use it as a way to flex his romance skills a little bit. takes it upon himself to show u how good of a boyfriend he can be & how u have absolutely nothing to worry ab !! & u rlly do have absolutely nothing!!! to worry ab, if hes dating u he worships the ground u walk on

i agree w u, dazai is super observant when it comes to his s/o !! i think dazai isnt entirely clueless when it comes to taking care of other ppl, i remember theres this part of one of the light novels where he calmed a little girl down (although i didnt read it myself i heard ab it from one of my mooties :< ) & he even kinda helps kyouka calm down too during her entrance exam. i think he has a softer side for his s/o, his protective instincts prob go into overdrive when it comes to them being hurt / upset & that applies to panic / anxiety attacks too ofc !!

ive seen a lot of ppl think dazai would be a cheater & i just dont agree at all > < i know im biased a little but its not even cus i love him !! i feel like theres no way he’d commit himself to a romantic relationship unless he was rlly in it ykwim? i know hes flirty but i dont think he’d hurt or betray someone he loved like that on purpose

hehe beast dazai is def in a league of his own but i so agree w everything u said nonnie!! he’d be such an affectionate & dedicated boyfriend, absolutely whipped for his s/o <3 <3 !!

#valentines #dazai love club ⊹ 𓂃 ｡ ‧ ₊

[sunnykeysmash]

Ok so, the new trailers got me curious, especially here with the whole... trap thing.

Let's just go on a little chill journey about it together, no strings attached.

So... something I do casually to pass the time while deep in sunny fixation is keyword searching in episode transcripts, to see if there's fun connections I can do. So naturally, I look up "trap", to see where else it comes up outside of Gets Romantic and Flowers for Charlie (the first two episodes that come to my mind when talking about traps).

What I found was an interesting connection between three specific episodes:

Mac is a serial killer

Dennis looks like a registered sex offender

Flowers for Charlie

And I wanna go through it. Kind of in random order because I don't know how to structure this (lmao).

Now, these episodes obviously have come out in seasons throughout the years, with the earliest two on s3, and I'm gonna be talking about things I think might happen in relation to these episodes. Parallels, metatext, about things that haven't aired yet. So I may be wrong. Let's get that out of the way. Usual disclaimer, get out now if you don't like rambling, and I'm not responsible for building anyone's expectations, that is on you. This is how I have my own fun. Let's move on.

But talking about these episodes in such a way requires me to acknowledge macdennis as something that's been not only intended, but planted, am I gonna be arguing that this was all intentional the whole time? ...No. ...Yes? Maybe. This pains me to say more than it pains you to read, believe me.

Now by planted I don't mean they ever really planned to have it happen necessarily. I'm talking about the trap aspect of it all. The will they, won't they. The question, the mystery of what's inside the crate. You get me.

I wanna start from the fact that there's fifteen severed heads in the fridge. Severing heads being a metaphor very prevalent in season 15 as we've seen, but especially...

And that's the scene.

Yes, I'm aware.

I'm done. I was in character before, but I'm me now, so you can tell me how good I was.

Oh, okay. Well, you just cut in front of 15 other actresses.

You're welcome. I took a gander at 'em and... ( sever head gesture )

Plus, I do feel like that's what the character would have done, and I've been in character all day. As a matter of fact, don't want to brag, but I've been in character all week.

Fifteen, like the seasons? It could be they were hoping to reach that number to break the record, just like Charlie is shown doing at the start of DLLARSO, attempting to break a record to see how long he can hold his breath for.

Dee: What is going on in here?

Mac: Just laying low and breaking world records. Don't even think about breathing, b¡tch.

Dennis: All right, so here's the deal. Got rid of that child molester. The sеxual predator guy? Yeah, he's gone. He's out of the situation, so my problems are solved. You had a thing too, right?

Dee: Mac's dad. I want your dad out of the bar.

So three things, breaking records, the second Dennis leaving (you know, Dennis Double Life thing), and I do think Luther might be dying this season, as well. It seems to line up to me... we know Mac is going to "collect his inheritance", which he wouldn't really have unless a parent died like Charlie's. He also walked out, so.

But that's impossible, that's season 3. I thought so too.

So I want to bring another example of severed head onto the table... Chardee Macdennis 2. Season 11.

They're asked to sculpt "clues" for the game, and what does each of them sculpt?

Mac: "Cupid's arrow". Which Charlie keeps calling a penis, and which looks strikingly similar to a RPG missile to me, I'll add.

Frank: A heart. Like the heart shaped lock?

Dennis: A woman's head in a freezer, which he says, and I quote, represents "the preservation of love forever and ever".

Keep in mind, there was no theme given for the sculptures, the whole goal was for the teammates to guess what the other was sculpting. Now why are they... love themed?

I just want to say right out of the gate, I don't know what everything means, I'm more so here to draw parallels that I've noticed. I think it's interesting that everyone can draw their own conclusions too.

So, to summarize all three episodes:

In Mac is a Serial Killer, the gang see Mac acting weird, so they start suspecting he's a serial killer.

(I do want to point out Carmen scratches Mac (during sex), which is one parallel with Dennis, but not my overall point.)

Frank and Charlie scour for clues in Mac's apartment, while Dennis tries to use Dee as bait to catch the serial killer. Frank gets a confession out of Mac's mom, and then the gang starts to hatch a scheme (which they call a trap) to "catch" Mac about this, and drive a confession out of him. The truth though, is that Mac is dating Carmen, and doesn't want the gang to find out.

In Sex Offender, Luther is finally out of jail and is visiting a bunch of people. Mac and Charlie see that Luther has a list with their name on it, and panic thinking he's been killing these people and is gonna kill them next. What is really happening though, is that he was actually making amends with the people listed (something that comes back in S16!), and had a surprise prepared for Mac, who "ratted him out". The B plot has Frank moving out because he thinks he can do better than Charlie, so he gets with Bonnie, his "bang maid". Both Charlie and Mac hatch a plan (again called a trap here), a romantic dinner, with very different goals. Charlie wants Frank back and to expose his mom as a cheater (in a situation that actually reminds of the s15 dinner, with the turd in the soup), Mac wants to pair his parents back together so they can raise "happy boys". In the end, Luther gets with Bonnie, which coincidentally does drive Frank back into Charlie's arms, but in the end Luther gets carried away by police. Additionally as we've discussed, there's a second Dennis in this episode, a fake, who is threatened into leaving at the end of the episode.

In Flowers for Charlie, scientists are running an experiment on Charlie who becomes their lab rat, while Dee Mac and Dennis are dealing with a rat problem in the bar, discussing ways to catch and kill it. Charlie starts thinking he's too good for his friends and notices that "they've been using him", Frank enlists the help of the Waitress by setting up a dinner between them, hoping Charlie's deep infatuation with her will pull him away from his new life and the corner he's turned and back to Frank, and when that doesn't work, Frank tells Dee Dennis and Mac that he wants to "drag him back down into the sewer where he belongs". Dee thinks she's stuck to the rat glue trap, but after the rat eats the cheese and scurries away unaffected, thanks to Frank's help she finds that by letting go of the trap, she becomes unstuck. In the end we find the experiment didn't make Charlie smarter, only more arrogant, and perhaps more fascinatingly some other things, like he believes to be a mathematical genius, and writes:

X = 9 + 9 = Box... that's where the cat is.

(9 + 9, like 18? Like the seasons we have confirmed, 18?)

And more.

And in the space of an hour, the subject has lost all interest in a woman with whom he had been in love for years, because of a perceived upidity relative to himself. Perhaps the most interesting were the series of side effects that he believed himself to be having. Uh, debilitating aches and pains. It was all in his mind.

According to this, the more arrogant someone is, the more he forgets about the people he loves, and the more he suffers various pains. Therefore, you need to knock someone down a peg to remind them of their feelings, and make them feel better.

In Mac is a Serial Killer, at the end, Mac is also accused of being two people.

Charlie: I'm sorry, Mac. You can't keep running from this thing. You gotta face this head on! (whispers) I'm gonna get you off this. Don't be afraid to show me your ugly side. All right. Put that away, Frank. You don't need a chain saw. You're talking to an innocent man. All right, Mac. I'm gonna ask you now 'cause I'm tired and hungry. I want to go home. I want to wash my hands of this whole stinking mess. Did you or did you not snap into an alternate and distinct personality... causing you to go on a serial killing rampage?

Mac: What? No.

Charlie: What? Yes, you did. You... All right, Mac. You're crazy, right? You're a crazy person. Sometimes you're two people. Let's see the other guy. Let him out.

Mac: Let who out?

Charlie: The serial killer, Mac! Let the serial killer out!

Mac: I'm not a serial killer!

Frank: Then why all the shady behavior?

So, what is the trap... so far, we've seen that you trap someone either to set them up with someone else (the romantic dinner in DLLARSO, but also the trap in Gets Romantic, and also when Dee sets them up in Break Up by using a lady with giant breasts as bait!), or to draw a confession out of them (like in MIASK, but also Catches a Leprechaun). Perhaps both, at the same time, as there may be multiple people scheming the same thing with different end goals, or different things with the same end goal. Either way, that's the conflict of the trap.

Brief intermission to talk about another episode where the trap comes up. Charlie's Home Alone.

Charlie empathizes with a rat, and saves him from a trap.

'Cause I know what it's like to be caught in a trap now, and it's not okay. I won't let you get caught in a trap, okay?

Takes him in his hand, and eats him (DLLARSO also has talk about Luther looking like he eats people, but I don't have a thought on that yet aside from basic cat eat mouse type stuff, also not everything is Something, but I digress!).

Later a real trap is introduced as part of the rituals, and Charlie steps on it and must free himself. The release lever is at the bottom. He frees himself, but once Brady has the ball, he has to step right into the trap again.

This stepping in and out, again it reminds me of Dennis in Gets Romantic, but since it was a season 13 episode, it may also be Glenn about the show.

But here's something I think, just to spice it up, I think the trap may also be, more in general, a relationship. Right? Dennis has been in one (with Maureen), didn't like it, yada yada. Now Mac talking about banging, that's one thing. Mac getting in a relationship? Suddenly he's ruining everything, getting locked in, that's different. And the scene between him and Dennis in Flowers for Charlie, implies to me that we have two rats and one bait, that the trap involves two people. Like a relationship. Now am I married to this idea, pun not intended? Not really, but it's possible.

Either way, the trap is something that catches rats. Thanks to Flowers for Charlie, both Mac and Dennis can be rats, due to said dancing scene...

Dennis: He scurried away.

Mac: All right, well, when he comes back, I'm gonna smash him up good. Dennis: No, no, Mac, come on. We're smarter than that. That's just gonna spread rat blood and disease all over the place. It's not about brute force. It's about seduction. See, I'm gonna place some enticing tunes for the little guy. And then I'm gonna bait this glue trap with some Brie cheese.

Frank: Because drawing a confession out of someone... is like doing a beautiful dance... a beautiful dance with a chain saw.

When Charlie is framed as the rat in Flowers for Charlie at the beginning, he's dead set on getting the cheese he can't have, and has no interest in the one under the green light. Which reflects the chase. Like cat and mouse.

This experiment, that's being talked about as groundbreaking and that will revolutionize the field, is all about making the subject feel smart due to the constant encouragement, but the subject really isn't.

Mac is not the serial killer. He's not smart enough. He's a dumb person. And dumb people are not capable of serial killing.

In Chokes, it's said that Dennis will see through the ruse, because he's smart, but the truth is that he didn't, because he isn't. It's Mac that heightens his confidence, and it always has been.

And in the sideplot of Flowers for Charlie, Dee Dennis and Mac end up watching "cat and mouse" cartoons to understand how to solve this rat problem. But... a cat was never introduced in the episode prior to this?

The mouse always wins. There's... there's, like, no winning with mices. Cat keeps getting hurt. He gets hurt. Well, it's dangerous, yeah. What the hell are you guys doing? We're trying to watch cat and mouse cartoons to find out how kitty cats deal with their rat issues.

But historically, the cat has always been Dennis... the cat in the wall (through framing and dialogue), and then ongoing with like the painting in s15 and the dead cat in the room and so on. This cat may get out of the wall, or he may die in there. That duality belongs to Dennis. But how can he both be a cat and a mouse? No, I don't have an answer, but perhaps it's up to confidence. If you bring it down low enough for both Dennis and Mac, they're finally both little mouses, and you can catch them in your trap. Not that the trap ever works? In all episodes where it comes up, it either fails (Flowers for Charlie), is painful (Charlie's Home Alone), complicates things (Gets Romantic), or a combination of those (Serial Killer and Catches a Leprechaun).

It's also about method.

How do we lower this guy's confidence, how do we reach rock bottom.

In Flowers for Charlie, Mac's solution is to bash the rat.

In Mac is a Serial Killer, they want to draw a confession out of Mac by torture when they catch him. Using a chainsaw even.

And in Dennis Looks Like a Registered Sex Offender, Dennis takes a good beating because he's mistaken for an awful man that looks like him, as per Dee's plan.

And this in Mac is a Serial Killer:

Dennis: This is the fun part, Dee. This is the part that we've been working up to. This is what all the work has been for. We're gonna follow our victim. And then we're gonna jump her. And then I'm gonna strangle her and you're gonna chop her into pieces.

Dee: Okay, but what are we really gonna do?

Dennis: Huh?

Dee: We're not really gonna kill her. What are we gonna do?

Dennis: Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. That's a bummer. Yeah, you're right.

Dee: Let's just follow her for a little. We'll throw a good scare into her. Figure out what to do later.

Plus, in Charlie Catches a Leprechaun, which is another episode in which a man gets captured with the goal of driving a confession out of him...

Mac: Nasty little son of a b¡tch, isn't he?

Charlie: There's, like, a real bite to him.

Mac: You know what I think we should do? We just rough him up a little bit. You know, just get the truth out of him, just a little bit.

Charlie: It's a great idea.

Mac: We don't want to bruise him up, I just wish we had, like, a hose or something. You know, we could blast the truth out of him. Right?

Charlie: That'd be good...

Setting aside the episode insisting a lot about ancient authentic irish traditions and other parallels I don't have time to get into, this ALL reminds me of course of the plan from the castle about the irish doctor in S15, you know, pour scalding liquid from the murder hole (a predecessor to the glory hole!) and char him.

Dennis: Yeah, so you'll lure him under the hole, where I will, uh, douse him with boiling oil or hot tar or really any scalding substance.

Frank: Wait, you're gonna char the guy? Gonna char him up?

Dennis: Yeah. I'm not gonna kill him or anything, but it's got to be hot enough to be annoying as shit, right? You know what I mean?

Frank: Yeah. Burn him.

Dennis: Uh, he's gonna get burned. But, I mean, Charlie's got to see him lose his cool, so we can expose him as the child-abandoning monster that he really is.

In s15 later, Dennis talks about that incident as "taking care of him". We all giggled at the gay implication of that, but the thing is, Mac is a Serial Killer and Dennis Looks Like a Registered Sex Offender both play with that duality of meaning, as well.

Dee: Could you come take care of me?

Charlie: I'll allow it.

Mac: Uh, yeah. Yeah, I can take care of you.

Dennis: What were you planning on doing to Sandy?

Mac: What do you think, dude?

Dennis: Well, according to this phone transcript, Mac... you were going to "take care of her"?

Mac: Yeah. Take care of her.

Mac: He told me these are people from his past, and he's got to take care of them. And once he takes care of them, he's gonna take care of me.

And it really is like that sick extended metaphor where on one side we have Mac and Dennis, on the other we have death. Same as Dennis' Double Life. You know, "give me dong or give me death". That you can either love someone, or kill them. It reflect the concept of the trap, I think.

But speaking of which...

Frank: Stay away from my bang maid.

Charlie: Damn it, Frank! This isn't about them... Charlie... or Mac or anyone else... this is about you and me, bro. This is about dudes living together, hanging out, sharing their bed and their life...

Mac: No. That's not what this is about! This is about people meeting back up after many years and sparks flying... and families getting back together and raising little boys so they can be happy again!

Much like Clip Show, that same duality. On one side living with Mac (dudes living together, plus Charlie and Frank are often a parallel for Mac and Dennis), on the other, raising Brian Jr (families getting together and raising little boys).

Charlie: Shut up, Frank. You don't know what she wants any more than she knows what you want. You know who knows what you want? I do. I've always known what you want. And I can give you want you want. Just let me give you what you want.

I don't like jumping into specific event predictions because I always get them wrong, and I don't find any fun in that. And while the trap and rats meta is real, I may be completely off with it here. I just like drawing connections.

But speaking of traps and ruses, here's another bit of dialogue that comes to me, in times of need.

Charlie: I see you all fell for my ruse.

Dee: What ruse? You asking us to go on a hike with your dad, and us saying "yes"?

Charlie: Oldest trick in the book.

Dennis: Asking someone to do something?

Charlie: Exactly.

Dee: And then, them doing it?

Charlie: Precisely, yes.

I think traps usually are something you hatch to uncover a ruse.

That's why in all of these examples, the goal of capturing someone is to draw a confession out of them. But they don't work that way, because what the capturer and the captured hold as truth doesn't align. Mac is a serial killer, they expect him to confess to serial killing, but he was just dating Carmen. Catches a leprechaun, they expect him to admit that he is, but he really isn't. Even in Worst Bar in Philly, another ep where they kidnap a guy, they are trying to extort a fake review from the journalist.

So if the trap succeeds, it'll have a different result than intended by who hatched it, and uncover a truth that wasn't the expected one. Just based on statistics, I guess...

If the intended goal is really to hatch a plan to humiliate Dennis, char him or whatever, then what it may actually do is break his cold, calculated shell. But I don't know...

Frank, I am thinking on the physical level, the metaphysical level, the pataphysical level.

So we've all talked about meta and that's fun, but let's talk pataphysical too since Flowers for Charlie mentions it.

That's difficult, as there are over one hundred definitions of pataphysics according to wikipedia.

A few are:

"Pataphysics will examine the laws governing exceptions, and will explain the universe supplementary to this one"

"Pataphysics is patient; 'Pataphysics is benign; 'Pataphysics envies nothing, is never distracted, never puffed up, it has neither aspirations nor seeks not its own, it is even-tempered, and thinks not evil; it mocks not iniquity: It is enraptured with scientific truth; it supports everything, believes everything, has faith in everything, and upholds everything that is."

"Pataphysics "the science of the particular" does not, therefore, study the rules governing the general recurrence of a periodic incident (the expected case) so much as study the games governing the special occurrence of a sporadic accident (the excepted case). Jarry performs humorously on behalf of literature what Nietzsche performs seriously on behalf of philosophy. Both thinkers in effect attempt to dream up a "gay science" whose joie de vivre thrives wherever the tyranny of truth has increased our esteem for the lie and wherever the tyranny of reason has increased our esteem for the mad."

"Pataphysics is science, albeit one with an aesthetic sensibility; it regards “humor” and “the serious” with the same imperturbable gaze. "

"Pataphysics is simply an awareness that everything, including our very selves - is what we pretend it to be."

In other words, truth is not what's actually real, what we do or our past, truth is what we believe it is. Much like identity.

One more.

"You have seen that far from regretting the past I would simply suggest that we improve it…’Pataphysics will always be plunging ahead, precisely because it is static in time, and because time, itself, is retrograde by definition."

So if one is dissatisfied with their past, they can simply change it... by going there. This concept is played around plenty in Clip Show, but I want to talk about something else. I want to talk about Dee Day.

That is the episode where we take off Dennis' make up, but there's something else too.

This is where Dee talks about wanting to do a "retrospective" of her characters.

And the plan to make the ordinance pass, includes the gang stealing the councilwoman keys and setting her clocks back so she would miss the vote.

And look, we do have one flashback promised to us, in the bowling episode if I recall correctly.

"But is there any other canonical way of viewing the future (whether one calls oneself serious, in the profane or pataphysical sense of the word), than as a bouquet of imaginary Solutions – that is, potentialities?"

I forget if I've talked about potential in sunny. The seeds, the puppies, the eggs... always about the potential of life. I think it's fascinating. Like there is an infinite branch of ways in which macdennis could happen, right? And that's the potential. And by bringing it into the text, you're effectively killing it.

But are you, really?

The first time round is a bitter pill

But the second chance is better still

And then we find new seeds to sow

To grow our love we didn't know

There's always new seeds to plant...

But I'm not done with the pataphysical. Oh no, there's more.

There's also the fact that Flowers for Charlie talks about the structure and the foundation. When asked where the foundation is, they respond "on top", but Frank corrects them, on the bottom.

I have a feeling both answers are correct, just like both of Dennis' lives are true, and here's why.

Concepts that embody pataphysical include:

Antimony: An antinomy is the mutually incompatible. It represents the duality of things, the echo or symmetry, the good and the evil at the same time.

Clinamen: A clinamen is the unpredictable swerve of atoms that poet Christian Bök calls "... the smallest possible aberration that can make the greatest possible difference". An example is Jarry's merdre, a swerve of French: merde ("shit").

Syzygy: The syzygy originally comes from astronomy and denotes the alignment of three celestial bodies in a straight line. In a pataphysical context it is the pun. It usually describes a conjunction of things, something unexpected and surprising. Serendipity is a simple chance encounter but the syzygy has a more scientific purpose.

Absolute: The absolute is the idea of a transcended reality.

Anomaly: An anomaly represents the exception. Jarry said that, "Pataphysics will examine the laws governing exceptions, and will explain the universe supplementary to this one." Bök calls it "... the repressed part of a rule which ensures that the rule does not work".

Pataphor: The pataphor is a term for an unusually extended metaphor based on Alfred Jarry's "science" of 'pataphysics'. Whereas a metaphor compares a real object or event to a seemingly unrelated subject to emphasize their similarities, the pataphor uses the newly created metaphorical similarity as a reality on which to base itself. In going beyond mere ornamentation of the original idea, the pataphor seeks to describe a new and separate world, in which an idea or aspect has taken on a life of its own.

Once again this rings true for Clip Show in general, as a concept, but I would maybe dare say this applies to macdennis regarding many associated concepts such as the trap or the crate. In particular, Macdennis as a concept has been morphing and evolving separate to the textual plots, due to heavy metaphor use.

In particular, they're always placed in the role of married couple, in multiple episodes. Break up, Suburbs, Gets Romantic, Mortgage Crisis. It doesn't just say "you are like a married couple", it shows them behaving as one. Therefore, if looked at under a pataphysical lense, that's what they are. That's the reality of it.

Of course, since this whole spiel is born from one word in a single episode from season 9, there's no telling how much it actually matters. It may be a happy coincidence. Does it really matter? (Not in pataphysics).

In a similar sense, we spoke Mac into coming out as audience, because we believed in it as our reality.

And another thing, since I'm riffing a lil bit at this point.

But since Dennis has been intentionally led to portray two separate and apparently opposing realities, the audience is equally divided on him, and as a result both realities keep appearing as true.

So in DLLARSO Mac is stealing Dennis' car and using it without him knowing. If we go with the whole "Dennis' car is his identity" which is very dear and near to me and I basically think of as true at least since Misses The Boat (and this is a s3 ep, which is why I'm saying IF), I'm wondering how this extends in season 16.

Well for starters, we see Mac behind the counter twice just in trailers. That has been, typically, Dennis' spot as the bartender. Very rarely does Mac cross behind, even less so on his own. Notably, it happens in Mac Fights Gay Marriage AND Dennis Gets Divorced (which btw, these two parter titles make it sound like they're the two that got divorced lmao, but um).

Another way in which we see him possibly take Dennis' place (or walk in his shoes! wear his skin, whatever you want to call it), is by the fact Dennis is teaching him the DENNIS system (an altered version I assume?), like passing the torch on to him (and Dee, who wants that place in the gang hierarchy as well...).

Finally, something that may not be a thing at all, but he meets Chase in S16, only Chase thinks he already met Mac. Because Dennis gave him Mac's name in Stranded. I'm expecting some name shenanigans of some kind. (perhaps Mac will use Dennis' name? I'm not banking on that, but how's he gonna explain? that is, unless someone else already did, in his pursue to make amends... well, who knows. you know what they say about assuming)

It's funny because Stranded is an episode all about how saying no brings you misfortune, while saying yes brings you luck. And money. 10.000$ of them specifically, both in Stranded and, casually, the original amount won by Mac with the scratcher.

The amount that... after all the bills, ends up being only 14$ dollars. (like the seasons?)

Stranded is also interesting on its own... Frank avoiding the main road because he doesn't want to pay the toll... Okay, that's enough. Getting off track.

So, final notes, since this is a more speculative and rambly post, and I'm under the impression the metaphors discussed (rats, traps, severed heads...) aren't complete (meaning they're gonna expand on these more in S16), I'm very much hoping everyone chimes in with their thoughts and speculations... perhaps other episodes that you think may fit this... let's throw away the oars and get into it, like, who cares if it ends up wrong, you know? I may come back to this too after the season airs to see what else there was...

#iasip #it's always sunny in philadelphia #s16 spoilers #always sunny #macdennis #macden #analysis #meta #RARE macdennis meta post from me... I've been burned before by being terribly wrong about something #and since then i dont do event predictions anymore. aside from ''i think macdennis is real. heres why.'' #this post makes me sound like a flat earther #and i didnt even get into the whole power bottom = lowest in the structure but highest in power. #the ultimate pataphysical duality!! #and also.... flipping things upside down which is a vibe i got and cant articulate. mostly from that one ep where they flip the pyramid #and woop it's a scheme #how could the bottom be on top? you flip it #similarly sunny right now is ''flipped'' aka we are at the LOWEST OF LOW which for us means we're near peaking #but literally thats just conjecture. like bash me with a stick idk thats just what i believe #please add input so i dont look dum. something about rat eggs found in holes like jumper. anything really #i love connecting dots i recommend it as an activity to everyone #if rcg reads this they're gonna pay for my therapy finally. i count that as a win tbh. mental health day serve #ALSO IN STRANDED DENNIS SHOWS CHARLIE A HICKEY THAT HE SAYS HE GOT AFTER GETTING UNEXPECTEDLY CAUGHT IN A RAINSTORM #lil nuggets of gay dennis that i take whenever i can #the truck driver who has a wife and kids but is secretly gay is also kinda sus. what an ep to be threading in s16 #''lex what's threading'' i invent my own terms bc im crazy but thats when an ep themes connect w a future ep themes. i also call it echoing #if u even care #will mac pay the troll toll to get into the baby boy's hole? tune in next season to find out! #if ur wondering i think the ruse is gay marriage so i do hope he says yes. idk who ''he'' is. maybe theyre both planning to propose #i once read a fic with that plot. they were trying to one up one another with the proposal. i think that person should sue rcg #ok I'll shut up now. annoyin ass

[poisonedfate]

To Love Me, I Would Die For You

SO sorry it took me a while to answer, a beam of every possible ship this could be applied to knocked me off of my feet.

at the end of the day, it's sacrifice, right? and what's love in camelot without a little sacrifice? 

just so we don't go completely crazy here, we'll talk about three - merthur, merwaine and morgwen (the holy trinity if you ask me)

merwaine: anyone who's seen my posts lately knows what i'm about to say, but - breakup arc! with this title the breakup arc would go CRAZY. it would start with the big fight between s3 and s4, or i guess a little before that, honeymoon phase merwaine, all sweet and flirty and finally close by.  i can imagine the fight going a couple of different ways, but in this scenario i think i'd make it about gwaine's anger about magic - more specifically, his refusal to watch merlin put himself in danger again and again and again (though a good portion of it would be due to miscommunication about the whole thing), with merlin on the other side telling him he's been doing this for years. i thought about sprinkling something else in there, but this alone has enough drama in it. whisper fights and pained glances and scoffs every time either of them puts their life on the line. also, i'd get to incorporate my favourite imagined scenario where the line "playing soldiers" from 04x07 is said first by merlin during the breakup arc, essentially telling him to stay in his lane. it would all boil down to choosing to protect their own hearts over the possibility of losing one another (n gwaine's case) or hurting the other further (in merlin's case). gwaine would be all old romance about it, pining and hurting, whilst merlin would have burning aches between his bones, pain buried under anger. and so gwaine would assume that that's all there was left - anger. aftera while, he'd start following merlin every time he thought merlin might be putting himself in danger, especially because now he'd no less and less about merlin's whereabouts at any given time . of course, merlin would catch on fairly quickly, pushing back and accusing gwaine of doing it for the wrong reasons. i could ramble on, but to make a long idea shorter - gwaine would end up going on a suicide mission to save merlin from a situation (morgana, perhaps?). an injured gwaine or one miraculous escape later there would probably be something like "it's the big gestures that count, eh?" said, before the actual Big Resolution. 

OKAY. morgwen. i'm gonna try and keep this shorter, but i imagine this as somewhat of a fairytale kind of arc set early in morgana's magic storyline. although i love the idea of evil women, i also enjoy the idea of wlw saving the day (kind of). i'm thinking metaphors of princesses locked in towers paralleling morgana's anger and her world crumbling around her. gwen has always been one to figure shit out for herself, so she'd realise what was going on pretty quickly. they'd have a couple of good fights over it, gwen's ever-lasting belief in kindness and morgana's loss of trust etc etc. from there it could go a couple of ways - a push and pull between the "good" and the "evil" or a continued descend into the darkness. thoughnot to make this so very angsty like i've done with all else, i think a great story would be morgana choosing what she thinks is right or rather necessary, and by the time gwen actually gets through to her, it's just a little too late. i think maybe gwen would be caught with morgana and thus accused of being an accomplice, which would then result in morgana giving herself up for both gwen and all she stands for. (insert big big big romantic speech here)

i should really stop, but quick little merthur here - this one's easy, i mean it's merthur, but big merlin sacrifice in whatever form you please, specifically with a lines about not doing this to show arthur that he loves him or anything, but because he loves him. "it's selfish, really, i can't watch you die, but i can't wait for you to keep loving me" (or a little less cheesy version of that).

give me a self-made fic title and i'll tell you what i'd write about

#so so sorry #i was consumed by thoughts #hope you like at least one o7 #thank you for asking friend!!!! #hugs and kisses #ask game

[keerysquinn]

Title: Puppy Love Pairings: Steve Harrington x Chrissy Cunningham Word Count: 1.2k Summary: When Chrissy goes to pick up her dog from doggy daycare, the last thing she expected was to meet the owner of her dog's best friend. CW/TW: a single mention of a dog being mistreated, but there are no specifics A/N: something short and sweet to end the week! thank you to everyone who's read anything I've written this week. you guys are the best <3

When Chrissy entered the doggy daycare center, there was already a man talking to the woman working at the counter, so she took her place off the side to wait for her turn. The worker noticed her and motioned for her to come to the counter as well though.

"Oh good," she said. "You're both here. This works out perfectly for me because there was something I was hoping to talk to you both about."

"Did Daisy knock over another dog again, Laura? I thought I'd finally gotten her to stop jumping on other dogs and people, but she just gets so excited, and I don't think she realizes how big she is," Chrissy rambled on as the man next to her sighed and spoke simultaneously.

"What did Harold do this time?" he asked.

As they heard each other say their dogs' names, they both paused.

"Wait. Harold is your dog?" she asked. Chrissy had heard plenty of stories about Harold throughout the year that she'd been bringing her pitbull Daisy to this doggy daycare. Daisy and Harold were practically attached at the hip and spent pretty much the entire time they were there playing together. Chrissy even had a photo of the two of them out in the yard together that the center had given to her as her phone's lock screen. She'd only met the dog once before, but she adored the lovable golden retriever almost as much as her own pup.

His owner wasn't anything like she'd expected though. With a name like Harold, she'd expected a little old lady. Instead, standing before her was a man that couldn't have been much older than she was.

"He is. And Daisy is yours?"

"Not what you expected?"

"Not really. When I picture pitbull owners, I tend to picture bikers. No offense."

"None taken. I think her original owner actually was a biker."

Chrissy turned her attention back towards Laura.

"So what adorable chaos did our dogs get up to today?" she asked.

"Well, Daisy had a bit of an accident actually," she started. "Before you start worrying, she's completely fine. She got stung by another bee during outside time today. We took the stinger out and treated the sting the same way we did the last time, and she was back to being her friendly, happy self after an hour. I have the most adorable photo to show you though."

Laura pulled out her phone and unlocked it to pull up a photo of Daisy and Harold together. Daisy was laying on her side with a damp washcloth draped over her shoulder blade where Chrissy assumed the bee sting must have been. Harold was laying beside her with his head resting on her hindquarters.

"He didn't leave her side the entirety of the time she was resting after we took care of her. It was maybe the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Please send that to me as soon as you can,” Chrissy requested. She hated to see her baby in pain, but she didn’t look like she was hurting at all in that photo with Harold. She thought that maybe the photo was cute enough to become her new lockscreen, but she hadn’t decided yet.

“The thing I wanted to talk to you both about was that you’ve both mentioned to me that you’d like it if your individual dogs could socialize more outside of work, but we’re not in the habit of giving out customer information to just anyone even if I truly believe that your dogs might be soulmates. But, since you’re both here, I don’t have to break company policy to get you to be able to set up a playdate. I’ll go get your dogs and leave you to chat for a bit.”

With that, Laura exited the lobby and moved into the back where all of the dogs were kept. Chrissy moved to sit on the bench in the waiting area, and the man moved to sit with her.

“I’m Steve, by the way,” he said as he offered her his hand.

“Chrissy.” She shook his hand and smiled over at him. “So, you aren’t what I was expecting from Harold’s owner either.”

“Lemme guess. You thought I was a little old lady who’d named her dog after her late husband?”

“Maybe not her late husband, but that was the demographic I was picturing,” she said with a small laugh.

“My roommate named him, and that was what she hoped people would think when they heard his name. She’ll be happy to know she fooled someone else.”

“A clever prank.”

“What about Daisy? That’s not the name I’d expect for a pitbull either. Did you pick it, or did her last owner name her that?”

“Oh, that was all me. I don’t even know if her last owner gave her a name. Technically, my best friend probably stole her if I’m being completely honest. His neighbors weren’t exactly treating her the best, and she wasn’t chipped, so it was easy enough for him to just claim she was a stray. He’s always been more of a cat person, and I’d been saying I wanted a dog for a while at that point, so he gave her to me as a birthday gift. I named her Daisy because she was still kind of skittish around people because of her last owners treating her so poorly, but she would always come right up to me for snuggles if I was wrapped up in this daisy patterned blanket I had. It was my favorite, but it’s all hers now.”

Just then, Laura came out with both of their dogs who were very eager to be reunited with their owners. Daisy made it to Chrissy first, jumping to place her paws on her mama’s shoulders and lick the side of her face.

“Well, hello to you, too, baby,” she said as she cupped Daisy’s face in her hands. “Were you so brave today when you got hurt? I’m gonna have to take you to get a special treat for being such a good patient. Yes, I am.”

She glanced over and saw that Harold was waiting expectantly for her to give him some attention, too.

“And thank you, Harold,” she said to the other dog. “I think I owe you a treat, too. For taking such good care of my pretty Daisy.”

Harold rested his chin on her thigh, and she moved to scratch him behind the ear. Steve’s heart melted at the sight of this woman giving so much love to his boy, too.

While still petting both of the dogs, Chrissy turned her attention towards Steve.

“There’s a dog friendly cafe around the corner, and they sell the cutest little cookies for dogs. If you’re not busy, maybe we could go there now? I could buy our dogs a treat, and we could exchange numbers so we could plan some playdates for them in the future?”

“Only if you let me buy you a coffee. If you’re treating the dogs, I’m treating you.”

“That works for me.”

“Then I’d love to.”

As the two walked out of the doggy daycare together and started to make their way around the corner to the cafe, Chrissy couldn’t help but think that maybe their dogs were the perfect matchmakers.

#cheerscoopsweek23 #cheerscoops #steve harrington #chrissy cunningham #my writing

[anghraine]

Another grab-bag of answers to fic questions I've gotten! This one's the P&P fic edition:

First Impressions & Love, Pride & Delicacy:

1— In First Impressions, why is Catherine willing to go to so much trouble to interfere, as a woman, with Bingley's marriage to Jane?

A: This is one of the creakiest elements of the story, but it's a mixture of really wanting him to marry Georgiana and having Emma-like managing tendencies in general.

2— Is Catherine really in love with Hal in that fic, or does she just want to keep her property?

She's in love with him. She has to marry someone, but she had plenty of other, more suitable-on-paper options about who it might be.

3— The proposal seemed kind of forced. Wouldn't it have been more natural to have Catherine do something different?

Yeah, probably. I wanted to re-tell P&P with that fic, though, not to detour very far into what-if territory—that's what Love, Pride & Delicacy is for. (Over ten years later. Anyway.)

4— Why does Elizabeth still believe Wickham in LP&D?

I thought about which way to go on this, but at the end of the day, I don't think Elizabeth was only fooled by Wickham because of Darcy—I think she was genuinely attracted to Wickham and susceptible to flattery from most quarters. So I concluded that she'd have a few more trickles of doubt (she thinks he's a bit of a drama queen), but she still does buy into his allure and powerfully resents Catherine.

Season of Courtship:

1— Are you the one who wrote Season of Courtship?

Yes, a very long time ago.

2— Why is Darcy blond in that fic? Isn't the character supposed to be dark-haired?

I did it for shits and giggles, and no, he's not.

Adaptations and stereotypes have convinced a lot of people that he's dark-haired, but his hair color is never mentioned in P&P (nor is anyone else's). I wrote him as blond to push back against the sheer force of the fanon and amuse myself.

In reality, I imagine him with black hair and dark blue eyes.

3— Is he a virgin in that fic?

Not quite, though I've seen people say he (the specific Darcy of Season of Courtship) is.

4— Why do some of the names/titles keep changing in different chapters?

You must be looking at an older version. I kept changing my mind about which I wanted to use, and revising chapters was a pain at ff.net and DWG, so I just didn't. Later versions like the one at AO3 should be consistent.

5— Did you change some things about the Fitzwilliam section? I could swear there used to be different characters...

I did (though that was also a very long time ago now!). For awhile, I always used the same cast of OCs and near-OCs for any of my fics dealing with the Fitzwilliams. But I eventually wanted to distinguish some specific fics dealing with that "edition" of the Fitzwilliams from my other fics, esp canon-compliant ones, so I re-wrote that part of Season of Courtship to be mainly a fusion with Lady Susan. I also tried to dial down the melodrama a bit in the revision.

6— So that whole thing about Mrs Bennet's talk with Elizabeth and not Jane ... she's not actually right, is she?

Maybe, maybe not.

Subsequent Connections:

1— Will you ever continue SC?

Probably not. I have an outline and I had some ideas I was really attached to, but the fundamental premise came from another fic rather than canon, and every version eventually just became an original fic that could as well be about anyone.

2— There were two versions of this one, too, right?

Yes. Partway through the first one, I realized I wanted to split off before the Hunsford proposal rather than afterwards, and do more with some of the relationships and characters, which took quite a bit of overhauling. I prefer the later version by a long ways, but I know quite a few people don't.

3— Are Darcy and Elizabeth really cousins in the fic?

Yes.

4— Were Darcy and Elizabeth even going to end up together?

Absolutely.

Such Terms of Cordiality:

1— So Mr Bennet and Lady Anne were in love at some point in that fic?

Yes.

2— Why is Lady Anne even alive?

Because I felt like it. In fact, so much of that fic is governed by "because I felt like it" that, like with SC, it just felt too far removed from canon to write as fanfic any more.

3— Was Mr Bennet ever going to come around?

Yes. Elizabeth and Darcy would get married, and be in love, before their canonical character arcs could happen. The actual point of the story was basically to write a forced marriage scenario without the forced marriage. I got derailed by sheer self-indulgence.

tolerably well acquainted:

1— Are you going to continue it?

Yes.

2— Does it ever actually go AU?

No, it's canon-compliant. It started just because I thought it'd be fun to expand on Elizabeth's developing feelings at Pemberley—shock, approval, affection, attraction, etc. I considered it drawerfic originally.

Eventually, I got past the Pemberley section, but by that point I didn't want to wrap things up when her feelings had so far left to go! So I, um, didn't. I probably should have phrased the summary differently, though, because if you don't read the tags it does sound like an AU.

3— Will we ever get a Darcy POV in it?

Probably not. I wrote part of a chapter with a Mrs Gardiner POV and even that felt too far from Elizabeth. It's really her story.

Other:

1— Why do you use "Lady Anne" for Darcy's mother instead of "Mrs Darcy," her married name?

Darcy's mother is "Lady Anne" in canon, not "Mrs Darcy." As the daughter of an earl married to a commoner, she had the prerogative to keep using her courtesy title, and we know did so. For the same reason, her sister is "Lady Catherine" and not "Lady de Bourgh."

The idea that Darcy's mother was known as "Mrs Darcy" actually comes from a casual remark invented in the 1995 P&P, not the novel.

2— Well, okay, but her brother should be "Lord Matlock" instead of "Lord Ravenshaw."

The Fitzwilliam title being "Earl of Matlock" is also from the 1995 P&P.

In the book, Austen never actually gives the title of the Fitzwilliam earldom. Unusually for her, she redacts the title as "Lord —" instead (it's through other details that we even know it's an earldom). I took "Lord Ravenshaw" from Mansfield Park because it amuses me to think Lord — and the theatrically-minded Lord Ravenshaw are the same person.

3— Fine, but her husband's name is George Darcy. Georgiana is George + Anne, so why do you keep giving him other names?

"George Darcy" is not canon. It's commonly assumed that his name was George because his daughter is Georgiana while his godson is George. And it would make sense for them to be common namesakes! But it's still fanon.

Georgiana isn't a mash-up name, incidentally—it's a feminine variant of George that some well-known aristocratic women bore, most famously Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire, who would be a near neighbor of the Darcys.

4— And Mrs Bennet isn't Fanny?

That's the 1995 P&P again. Her first name is never given in the novel. I headcanon that it's Jane, just because eldest daughters often shared their mothers' names.

#anghraine babbles #fic talk #long post #fic talk: first impression #fic talk: love pride and delicacy #fic talk: subsequent connections #fic talk: season of courtship #fic talk: such terms of cordiality #fic talk: pemberley and such #austen fanwank #austen blogging #genderbending

[smolstarthief]

Hi! I've been following your tumblr for a little while now, and I think your different takes on the characters are so interesting! Especially your stuff on Zenkichi and Maruki (Your phantom thief! Maruki is a personal favorite). I was wondering what your thoughts on our boy Joker are since I haven't seen a lot with him specifically. I was also curious if you could ever see him developing a palace a la Maruki or Zenkichi in your Prison of Grief story. If so, what would it be about and how do you think it would trigger?

Hello and thank you! I am actually thinking about doing a small redesign with PT Maruki at some point so keep an eye out for that!

As for Joker, I don't really talk much about him because of the different ways his character can be intrepreted (toxic or otherwise) but yeah, I can see him developing a Palace somehow like in me and CreepyMarsh's fic. The trigger and look for it I'm not exactly sure on though (the most common idea is a theater though).

But my takeaway for him as a character is this since it makes the rounds very often: I personally think his own traumas should have been addressed for certain but I feel like it's more prominent in the base game and manga adaptations with Strikers having him recovering and going through Post Traumatic Growth as opposed to full on PTSD like people would frequently do. It's there but he's getting better. It helps that Mona was staying with him at home too so he had someone to talk to or even vent. Plus I feel like he was more expressive and being more himself in Strikers as well. As I put it on my Twitter: He's like a feral cat that would go, "fight me" on occasion.

A lot of his dialogue options with Zenkichi is interesting too because they can range from snarky to neutral to concerned and then welcoming when he joined when he had every right to turn him away and not show sympathy due to his ties with law enforcement. Same with Maruki, the man even asked for Joker's consent to vent when the fist fight phase happened and all of his options were accepting and even understanding.

And that's a core aspect Joker that I feel like people overlook: He is kind and can be forgiving but not to the point of naivete. Even to those who wronged him (unless they go way too far) like Maruki, Zenkichi, Akechi, hell some of the other Thieves who blackmailed him before joining. Also, he DOES go apeshit. His case is just more calm and subtle and that's honestly much more intimidating than outright screaming like Akechi. Hell, there have been moments where he ended intimidating someone without even trying unless he states otherwise. He's a dork but can be scary if you piss him off.

The boy went through a lot but his trauma alone isn't his whole character. If anything, he's accomplished so much despite it and is slowly healing. It helps that he has a strong and stable support system in the form of the group and his confidants, something that antagonists like Akechi, Maruki, and the Monarchs lacked which contributed to their trauma and pain worsening. Even Zenkichi lacked one since Akane hated him and he could hardly trust anyone in the force until meeting the group. That could contribute as to why Joker sympathized with him, Akechi, and Maruki because he knows what it's like and wants to help.

Bottom line since I'm rambling: He's traumatized by what he went through but that's not his core personality as that would undermine his accomplishments despite it and can even come off as infantilizing if one takes it too far (there should be a balance there). He's also kind, even to those he had every right to hate (especially if they wronged him specifically) but he's also not dumb either and will go into protective mode when people he cares about are threatened. Especially those he considers his family. But he can be a little shit sometimes too. He can even act/come off as guarded or cold due to past experiences but is the sweetest soul when he lowers his guard. Like I said, he's kind but not dumb and can even be cautious due to what he experienced.

Joker is a precious occasionally feral cat but isn't a "uwu soft delicate traumatized boi" either. He's someone who was in a fucked up situation but rose above it despite all the pain. He can handled himself sometimes. Sure he may have potentially bottled it all up to avoid disappointing his friends but based on his behavior in Strikers, he's gotten better about it (again, Mona stayed with him so there might have been venting prior). His friends seeing and protecting him no doubt reassured him and cleared his own doubts and he's happy. That's all that matters there. I love this kid and the depth he has and how he can be inspiring for some. Especially in regards to trauma. ^_^

#persona 5 #p5 #persona 5 strikers #p5s #persona 5 royal #p5r #starchild rambles #ren amamiya #akira kurusu #starchild answers #answers #asks #sorry for the long answer! #there was just so much to say there surprisingly #i've seen people freak out over him getting a baton keychain from Zenkichi which is a pretty overblown reaction #like: *gasp!* Joker's gonna have a panic attack over it how dare that old man! #and I'm like: Bruh... Man's just dense and it's not meant to be that deep. especially when it's entirely optional #tone deaf? yes but still not meant to be deep #but eh it is what it is

[emeraldwhump]

Thinking about Viv /Jasper dynamic so I put together some ramblings I have about it.

Officially they are friends with benefits nothing more.

But from Jasper's perspective,

He has the biggest crush on Viv but trying so hard (and failing so hard) to keep this casual and not to let anyone (including himself) see that (the funniest thing is that Jasper tells /convince himself that no one can notice too) and it would generally look something like this:

His friends trying to be supportive : "whaaat? No of course its not obvious, look at me I'm so shocked right now when you told me you have a crush on her. So. Shocked"

Jasper himself being like: "hmmmmm I don't want to see her in any pain /distress ever and I care so much about her being comfortable,,, I wonder what's this about"

"What do you mean me calling her feyechka means something? I have cute pet names for all my hookups, there's umm curly haired chick, a redhead green eyed dude, and that one wierd person... See everyone gets one"

"So maybe she is the prettiest, funniest girl I've ever seen, with the most amazing hair on this side of the globe,,,, it's normal to be a bit attracted to the people you sleep with..."

His friends just respond with:...... Dude.

Jasper: "yeah just friends with benefits nothing more going on on my part whatsoever but do you think she likes me god I hope she likes me"

Friends :......... D U D E

Generally Jasper being completely oblivious that his crush is very obvious to everyone:

"I look through all my flings social media to find out what flowers they like and buy it to them..... Completely normal casual one night stand behavior"

Said to a friend of his: "Hey you stop looking at her like that! She's mine non-exclusive, fuck buddy not yours, so keep away!"

Friends banging their heads on the table: "just ask her out already please we beg you we can't take this wierd pinning or whatever is this anymore"

Meanwhile Jasper "I'm a master of Emotion™... Anyway do you think asking her how her day's going after I sent her goodnight and good morning text is overdoing it??? Naaah it can't be, maybe I'll throw a meme in there to show how truly casual I am about this relation...You know as I said Master of Emotion™"

Friends are taking bets if he's going to talk to her like a normal person or if he will blurt out "i love you" or "marry me" one day without warning

Akskeke Jasper looking at sleeping Viv: " isn't she just the most perfect person to ever live? In a causal way of course, the same casual way I composed a melody inspired by how light plays in her hair"

everyone : "omg buddy so good you told us about your crush on her we would have never guessed"

This might be a spoiler alert but I plan on writing it someday but, Viv getting sick while guys are out of town, not like flare but just common cold.

Jasper later to his friend who said "I think you like her": "what do you mean <dude it's so fucking obvious at this point > I would invite every single one of my hookups to my place to make sure they aren't alone and cook them a healthy warming vegetable broth because they don't eat meat, and spent the day making sure they drink enough and have plenty of rest and specifically buy tea for them because I don't drink it but she, I mean that theoretical person does, I would also cancel my plans and spend my day with them on the couch playing video games so they won't be bored or marvel at their amazing embroidery skills because wow they really are so talented... Checking if they have a fever every five minutes is normal too. It's just called basic human decency, and good manners you uncultured swine "

" Um sure thing buddy"

From Vivianne's perspective

I really think after Jude, drugs and everything her confidence in relationship at least is literally below the ground at this point, because she's convinced that she probably just makes him mad with whatever she does and like as soon as he finds someone without the baggage/problems it's over and just sort of preparing herself for it

Generally Viv being the only one to believe Jasper's cool collected guy exterior because she was the only one who hasn't seen him talk for 20 minutes straight about how pretty her hair is

Viv talking to a mutual friend who definitely had to listen to Jasper talk about her one too many times: "I mean I like him a lot but I'm scared of a relationship and I don't know if he even interested in me that way, I mean I feel like I only create problems for him and he's bored of me or will be soon, he would probably laugh me off if I asked to be something more, and that's not what we agreed on so he would just get mad about me running it...

A friend: Please Just Take My Word For It when I say he's "probably" interested

Viv being insecure about how Jasper would even want to spent time with her at all leave alone a relationship with her: Do you think he's just with me out of boredom, and will move on once he finds someone nicer without all this problems???

Mutual friend reading a five paragraph essay text from Jasper about how pretty light in Viv's hair looked this morning : hmm I don't really think so

Friends probably take notes during jasper's ramble sessions to just quote him later and having a rant ready about every possible complex Viv could have

"my nose is too big/hooked I bet he would prefer a girl with a button nose" - Jasper's rant about how pretty and unique and special her nose is

"I still look like a bag of bones after all that wouldn't he prefer someone with something to look at??" Jasper gushing about how he picked her up from the couch and carried her to bed this one time and how he would love to just carry her everywhere"

Later when they manage to get into a relationship I know two cute details for sure: Viv likes to flirt i think after Jude she was doing that just coldly mechanically at work, but if she felt more secure with Jasper I guess it would start coming back so Viv would get flirty in public and Jasper literally responding with: 😍😍

Also I imagine Jasper just picking Viv up in bridal carry randomly and carrying her whenever he wants her to get, idk i feel like he would enjoy it and Viv would probably laugh /don't mind so.

Jasper's friends being like "dude we're really supportive of your wierd crush whatever but there might be as slight problem here"

"Yeah what?"

Cue Cole entering the cafe putting his knife back and complaining about blood on his shoes

When it comes to Viv side with Sasha and Cole I think something like this:

"ummmmmm"

Sasha walks in behind him with his usual Glare™

Jasper : "ummmmm you know what it's too early to talk about it yet, I wouldn't like to scare her away....

It's after Jasper met Vivianne so obviously Cole had to say he has a twin /bring her with him before so all of them would know about her but to him Jasper just knows Viv from that one meeting.

I imagine Cole describing an argument they had with Viv where she was obviously in the wrong and Jasper is just like

"I don't know it seems like your sister might have a point, and even if not you shouldn't talk to her like that! What were you thinking disagreeing with her?! .. I care about relationships between siblings,,, my parents are divorced and all...."

"Guess not all people can sw that she's literally the most incredible... girlfriend... Umm... date.... ooopps, I mean sister - the most incredible sister one could ask for..."

After Cole leaves, one friend:"I mean I know she's his twin but honestly idk what's all this fuss is about, she's not that hot and tbh she seems like a bitch...."

Jasper outraged gasp "you take that back! She's the hottest sweetest person ever! I mean she's our friend's sister it's rude to talk about her like that! You clearly don't deserve to be with her,.... I mean to be graced by her presence" ooffff saved it that sounds cool and casual

So just in general two very oblivious people very in love.

I don't have time for a moodboard so take some Jasper's faceclaims

Tagging: @painful-pooch @whumper-in-training @egg-writes-whump @for-the-love-of-nsfwhump @whumpy-arts-and-crafts @whump-world @winedark-whump

#Viv/Jasper #ship dynamic #whump ship #whump ship dynamic #Vivianne #Jasper

[celestialmango]

Tw because imma talk about religion. Specifically mine. Was told I needed to just let myself be seen, show all of me.(within reason when it comes to online, still allowed to keep myself pretty much anonymous.) With this post I have cracked myself open to show you some of the deepest parts of my heart.

Fuck it. Remember how I called the clove water a potion in a past post? Well I pushed intent into it, Sibby used it and it banish their night terrors for a little bit.

I'm pagan, it really was a potion of sorts. Protections and cleansing seem to be my forte.(seeing a protection I put on my Sibby as a kid after an entity attacked them is still friggin there, cloaking their aura and kept a fucking goat man from getting close to them)

Also, I don't care about anyone's religion. All the gods are real and they don't fucking care if you like vore or not. They aren't perfect, they are flawed, they are people. You don't need to strive for perfection, just be you.

....I killed a negative entity, tore it apart during a cleansing over several days but I did not do it alone, Nyx helped me, Khaos helped me, some sort of entity that's been at my back(literally, never lets go and is always looking over my shoulder) helped me.

........I keep getting told I need to get sand, and also I got fucked with when I was thinking of taking seaweed from the beach for spell work. I was told "you'll need to thank the ocean." I was going to look stupid because you're actually supposed to thank God of the ocean, not the ocean itself.

Sibby told me that. I was going to get pranked by a non-human entity and I can hear the bastard spirit attached to me cackling in my right ear.

Again, don't care about religion, you worship who you want to worship if you want to worship anyone at all.

Who told me to show myself as me? The gods.

What type of pagan am I? A natural born healer is the best way to classify it. There are many forms of healing, can be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual. All I've ever wanted to do is help, make people smile, comfort them...and it seems this year I have been pretty successful in doing that since I have reach my hands out further than I ever have before so to speak.

Knowing that my writing brings any of you comfort makes me the happiest I could ever be. It's the greatest joy I've ever felt and I give these things freely, I will never ask for payment. Knowing I helped you in some way is enough for me. That's all I really need.

(Sure I wrote angst that hurt but no writer can ever truly control which direction their muse wants to go.) Make of it what you will, I won't judge you for it, nor will I hate you. I can feel angry, hurt by it, but hate is an emotion I've never felt. It is both a wonderful and horrible thing if you truly understand what that means. My emotions are so much, some are at extreme levels and that means the hurts can hurt physically. Love is an emotion that is never quiet for me. It's something I feel at all times. That's what's so wonderful and horrible.

Because even if people hurt me I'm not able to stop, I don't hate them, I can't hate them, so it just hurts, like my heart is being stabbed or squeezed and slowly crushed. Love can be bliss yes, but it can cause some of the worst pains.

#mango speaks

[annbourbon]

The Ssum - My diary with Harry Choi.

⚠️⚠️Spoilers ahead⚠️⚠️

First it was cloudy.

We got to know each other. My feelings for you were nothing more than love-hate relationship. I could not even put up with you and you were so annoying. but funny in a way.

30 days after knowing each other i still didn't feel like falling in love with you. But i kept playing and tagging on with your adventures.

Then it was burny. My heart started to skip beats around you. you were a bit mean at the beginning trying to scare me. you did scare me. TT that painting now is haunting my nightmares.

You decided to have a tattoo. I chose the moon. Because of my love for the moon. Because of the ever changing moon. The one that can help the tide rise even though she's far away. Because of my love for sailor moon. and because of Selene and the legend of prince Endymion.

Tbh i didn't even think through. all i thought was, i want you to have something that reminds you of me on your skin. i want you. i want to mark you as mine. but.... ohhh... i should have seen it coming. day 44. lol

TBH still don't love you. just.... not yet. i don't think i ever realized of my own feelings.

Other things happened and i was more focused on Teo than thinking about you. I wanted to know more about Zen's life too.

2 months into you and I just keep thinking to myself that we're good friends now.

Then Pi planet came.

You learned to apologize. Sincerely. And i didn't even force you.... but that day was.... very special to me. I started to like you. For real.

You put on cat ears. You went to the amusement park for me. And took the longest and fullest line just to ride on my favorite rollercoaster. You liked it. You liked my suggestions. You didn't enjoy the people, but you liked my suggestions. you ate what i picked for you too.

It was quite fun. we are 62 days into.

Day 68. i realized your heart belongs to someone else. i don't know why but i cried.

I realized that it's never gonna be me. i decided to not pursue you.

You talked about miracles happening. i'm confused but i will keep following you around. quietly. i don't want my feelings to be a burden to you. actually~ sincce the day you rejected me... i never ever said anything else about it. i hope you notice that at least. i think i'm accepting being a second character here.... even though i yearn for love. more specifically, your love.

Day 71. my heart skipped a big one this time. I saw you and myself under a different light. you told me i should be selfish. that i'm way too kind. i just wanted to let you sleep.

i blinked through tears again. my father has been calling me selfish and ungrateful since i was a baby/toddler. i never realized i could be called kind and selfless. i'm shaking. and you kind of cured a big scar for me. i think i'm falling for you.

Day 79. you decided to start baking. and we talked. and talked. and talked.

Day 80. you're behaving a bit different today.... why don't you want to let me go? lolol it's fun but i have other things to do... i was confused that day.

Dayy 85. you protected our carrots. i'm definitely falling for you... i can't help it. i can't help myself.

Day 87. ..... my heart is a big mess. there's an angel. he said you're gonna break my heart. i.... i received a call from your future you. you hate me so much.... i've been shaking and crying for three days now. all the time. i barely eat. and now i cannot and i don't want to get close... just being around you makes me shiver.

makes my heart break into pieces.. i can't breathe. i never realized how painful it was. no one ever said that they hated me.

I guess i'm lucky... lucky because i've been living my whole life through and people around love me. like really love me. going to extremes sometimes. but they love me.

I.... want to apologize to everyone i have ever hurt by saying that i hated them or despised them. i want to hug them. and sincerely say that i'm sorry. i don't think anyone deserves to be hated. it's so painful it crushes you.

Day 89. i've been quite distant. you're noticing it.

Day 90.... that was flirting. i'm quite sure you were flirting. why!? you don't like me.... not in a romantic way... i don't understand... but made my heart skip a beat again. you made me blush. and somehow i feel like, maybe? maybe i can~ maybe i have you. the present you. and maybe i can change the future? maybe? maybe you won't hate me~? i'm confused and i step out a bit. i'm crying again but i feel lighter. i have hope now.

Day 93 and 94. you're gorgeous. and you're enjoying and i'm enjoying. tain is noisy but it's fun lol

Day 95. i remember the pinapple i chosenthe other day. again. for you. another tattoo... it's heart melting....

Day 97... is it today? i learned some spoilers by accident. my heart is trying to pull it off... it wasn't. i'm happy....

Day 100 and 101..

You confessed.... you confessed you didn't want me to go away. you want to live with me. And you want to live under my constellation. And you were quite romantic about it. i had the perfect opportunity to say that i love you. i didn't. i just enjoyed the moment. i was a bit afraid to say it first. you just said you like me. can i just enjoy that? yeah it's enough. you don't hate me. you like me. and me above else it's gonna live with you. my heart is skipping a lot of beats today. and i'm blushing. i might enter into cardiac arrest lololol

uhhh my constellation~? *looking into it because doesn't know my own constellation lol* Harry seems to know me better than i do sometimes

i tried to call you honey. it only made everything awkward. i myself didn't feel like, i want to call you that. we're not like that. it felt off and fake. yeah, let's not.

Day 103... you love to feed me don't you? lol pls stop because if i get fatter it'll be all your fault.

i love how much effort you put into it all tho

Day 105... i'm getting jealous and highly suspicious of everyone around you who (~Lover, Taylor Swift) you're so hot and gorgeous.... i love you so much...

Day 106... oh~

i wasn't prepared. i ended up crying. i was stuck in my house and carrying water and i got wet and there was a huge mess. and it's been a couple of bad days for me but you have a way to make them good. today was not the case. my heart is~ not feeling well..

I ended up crying. and i'm not sure why but i think i'm gonna cry a lot tomorrow too...

tomorrow is my birthday... but you're going to ruin it. don't you?

i don't want to enter. i want to avoid you all along. but it's my birthday. i want you to say something to me...

So i enter. knowing it's gonna be a lot of drama. *sighs* i made a playlist about you. it doesn't end in a happy note though.

♡~Birthday call~♡... I joked about it you know? I never actually expected of you to say it. But my heart skipped about a mile when you said I love you.

You asked me to wish upon something. I don't think I have something to wish for... maybe because we're in a different universe. But if I had a wish... I wish... I wish for~

Day 107: I tried to be angry. I tried to be jealous. I couldn't. You said you wanted to hug me and that you found the whole situation disheartening. That calmed me in a way I never thought it'd be possible. I usually get angrier when things go south. And no one is able to calm me. You just did it. I have you. It's all that matters. I won't be bothered by that. I love you. Finally my heart can have some peace.

"I don't want people to get curious about you" Is he that jealous~? lol I can't say if he's jealous or not.... maybe protective of me? uhmmm the other reason would be too painful....

☆ I'm editing this through the whole journey. Just not often. Because I can rant a lot sometimes and I want this to be just the most important and noteworthy things I experienced through.☆

#annabourbon #harry choi #the ssum #falling in love #spoilers