#but because there is a horrible Sense of Wrongness that will consume us all | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sphireath-wisp · 5 months

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#Amator

Sypnosis: Things they love doing for you - no matter how ridiculous it is, no matter how terrible they are at doing it, no matter how many failed attempts it costs them, no matter how much time and energy it eats up of their day, no matter how much it inconvenienced them.

Warnings: not proofread (as usual)

Notes: The word 'amateur' originates from the word 'amator' which is Latin for lover/to love/love. An interpretation of it could be to do something for the love of it, to do something simply because you love it. Amateurs at loving learning how to love and loving no matter how horrible they are at it.

Featuring: Michael Kaiser, Sae Itoshi, Seishiro Nagi, Reo Mikage x GN! Reader

Michael Kaiser - who plans dates beforehand as he learns more about you, who loves being cheesy and romantic, with flowers and decorations so extravagant that they could be considered tacky.

Kaiser, oh Kaiser. He never fails to surprise and keep you on your toes. He doesn't care when you've grown a 6th sense for whatever he's scheming because it just proves that you've spent a lot of time with him - so much to the point where you recognise that smirk on his face the moment he's planning something.

With a bouquet of your favourite flowers, he masks how he's simply a bundle of nerves - all jittery and antsy - with his usual charming grin. Kaiser ponders if this is enough for you, if this date was too sudden, if he got you a big enough bouquet, but his doubts wash away when your skin meets his. Your kisses leave him breathless, his mind goes blank and the only thought he could process is how he wants more.

"Too much?" He repeats after you, laughing at the idea that something like this is too much when he was just worrying that this wasn't enough to wow you just moments ago. If this is too much, you have no other choice than to get used to it. Get ready for your whole world to be shaken by him since he'll swoop you off your feet without an ounce of hesitation.

"Meine Liebe, this isn't too much," he's firm, confident as usual. He knows that he means every word. Tucking a strand of your hair away from your pretty face, he doesn't realize the way his smile grows.

Perhaps that's what makes him so naturally charming about him - how he's so romantic and old-school it almost makes you want to barf. Cheesy love letters, dancing at midnight in the kitchen alongside an empty bottle of wine, symphonies of hums and laughter fill the room.

When you fall in love with him even deeper, he notices, yet not a word is uttered - no teasing or playful bantering tonight. Good, keep looking at him like that, you're always so enchanting to the point where he'd do this all over again to get another look at your lovestruck face.

Sae Itoshi - whose thoughts are constantly being eaten up by you despite the minimal chances you both get to bask in each other's presence, who poorly imitates the example of so-called 'romantic gestures' until he becomes good at it.

He finds himself at the front step of a local flower shop, mind consumed by you even during his morning jogs. With a hesitant step into the shop, teal eyes wander every bouquet on display. Frequently, his teammates would buy gifts such as this for their significant others, so you would like it if he did the same... right?

Sae is quick to learn that he should prepare something to say beforehand.

"Oh, you bought this for me?" You ask aloud, a little stunned by the sudden act. "Mm," is all Sae replies with, calmly passing you the bouquet. You clasp it in your hands with a touch much more gentle compared to his.

"Thank you, sweetheart," You croon the endearing term you assigned him, something only you call him, something only he allows you to call him, and something that he's grown fond of. Silence sits in the air as he sits down across from you, the piping hot cup of coffee you never fail to prepare for him on the table.

"Something wrong?"

"...Nothing."

"Sae... I can tell when something is on your mind." a sigh, "It's okay. Take your time to open up to me."

He pauses. Scratching the back of his neck, his gaze flickers between you and the cup of coffee. "Sorry, things became awkward all of a sudden. I bought you that bouquet impulsively."

You chuckle, shaking your head. "I don't mind. If that's how you want to show me that you love me, that isn't wrong either. There's no wrong way to love." The rain outside gets heavier, the sound of rain hitting the windows filling the room as you inch your hands closer to his.

"What's your favorite flower?" Sae speaks up, eyes stuck your hands when they encase his, fingers re-exploring every crease of his palm. "I never got to ask before." A newfound determination can be found in the firm grip he has on you, spine straightening.

"I don't have a favorite but I guess... orchids." You grin, "You just bought me orchids after all."

Seishiro Nagi - who's always on your side, who learns your non-verbal cues

"Wow, you're so capable," Your friend sighs, sarcasm evident in their tone. Eyes rolling as you nudge them, laughing along and apologizing. Leaving your bag with Nagi, you turned and made your way back to your apartment - which wasn't so far away.

"Jeez, if we're late, this is going to be all their fault," Your friend leans their weight on one leg, shaking their head in disappointment. "Gosh, they're so forgetful, it's annoying sometimes."

"(Name) just forgot, no big deal," Nagi murmured to your friend. He finds his mood souring when they criticise you, jaw clenching unconsciously at their words when he's usually so nonchalant about things. "We rushed 'em too," he continues, failing to notice how adamant he is about defending you.

"I'm just saying,"

Nagi's usual frown deepens by a bit as he bites the inside of his cheek.

Noticing the stifling tension in the air, your friend opens their mouth but eventually purses their lips in thought, deciding to hold back their retorts. "...Should we just go first? I don't wanna be late. Plus, (Name) knows the way there anyway."

"You go, 'm gonna wait for (Name)," Nagi sits down on a bench, placing your bag on his lap and hugging it to his chest. He doesn't notice when your friend has turned heel and left - or rather, he doesn't really care enough to notice. By the time you find him, he's on his phone and busy playing games.

You tap him on the shoulder. "Where's (Friend's Name)?" He shrugs. "Left first."

"Oh..." Your tone dips.

"Upset?" He notices.

You nod your head, "Kinda."

"It's okay," he replies. What you assume to be a half-hearted attempt at consoling you works out splendidly when he pulls you into a hug. "Don't worry about them, let's go. We could even ditch them and go home if you wanna."

Reo Mikage - who doesn't believe in being 'desperate' when you're too in love with someone to care, who can't believe you when you tell him that he's your dream guy.

"Another one?! I live in an apartment, not a garden, Reo!" An exasperated sigh escapes you, but you can't stay mad at him for long when puppy dog eyes stare back at you. A wide grin spreads on his face, entering your house as if it were his own as he settles the bouquet down on your coffee table.

Since starting your relationship, Reo has insisted on being a gentleman - opening doors for you, carrying your stuff, and learning more about you and your struggles once you're comfortable enough to open up to him. As if he wasn't enough of a dreamboat and too lucky of a catch for you, he never fails to send you flowers every week.

Even on the weeks he's busy, he'll have them delivered, even profusely apologizing because he couldn't meet you face-to-face even though the gesture alone made your heart melt. He excels at everything, and charming you is one of the things he's particularly good at.

"Are they becoming a hassle for you, babe?" Reo asks, strolling around to realize that you've built up quite the collection of flowers. "I could rent out somewhere for you to keep them all."

"That's too much. Plus, I like having them here," He nods at your words, taking quick notice of the sticky note you attached to the stem of each bouquet - keeping track of which date he gave these flowers to you on.

"Are you sure? You don't have to keep them all. Throw them out if you have to."

"Positive. I can somewhat garden now thanks to you."

Taglist: @dewwberry, @saenora, @van1lla-alt

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ghostfanwriter · 4 months

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🧰 💖 𝐃𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐇𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟕 💖 🧰

🧰 Pairing: Joel Miller x Virgin!Fem!Reader

💖 Setting: Lincoln

🧰 Synopsys: Bill found out about you and Joel, and you try to adjust to life without him again.

💖 Warnings: A bunch of angst, sorry.

🧰 Word count: 6.5k

💖 Author's note: This was gonna be the final part, but needless to say I got carried away. Enjoy, I cried my eyeballs out writing this one 🩷 (I love this gif, it looks like he's looking between reader and Bill)

Your eyes are wide open as soon as you process what's happening. Joel underneath you, your head resting against his chest, Frank at the door and Bill standing near the bed, a shotgun in hand.

"Dad, please, put this gun down. Let's talk." You say nervously, supporting yourself on your elbows when you see Bill's shotgun aimed straight at Joel's face.

"Get off your bed." Bill tells you coldly and sternly, calling you by your name, and you obey, uncovering both of you, standing between him and Joel. "Now get out of my way." He says, his eyes fixated on Joel, waiting for him to make the wrong move.

"Daddy, please, I can explain." You try to ease him, your voice shaky and high, and he looks at you, his stare cold and distant.

"There ain't nothing to explain." He says, walking to his side, his aim back on Joel.

"Please." You insist, following him, his gun pointed directly to your chest.

"Joel's on your bed. What else do I need to know?" He asks, his voice low, coated with an angry and impatient tone, one he rarely uses towards you. "Maybe I need to know since when this has been happening? Or maybe how could Joel do this to me? To you?" He asks, his gaze lifting, and you sense Joel getting up behind you.

"Dad, this is not what you're thinking. Last night we were talking, and we fell asleep, and that's all that happened, I swear." You say, fighting the tears that are threatening to escape your eyes, trying to stay calm.

"You know what it seems like... baby?" Bill asks with a sinister calmness. "It seems like Joel is sleeping with my daughter!" He snaps, taking his finger to the trigger, and you press your chest against his gun, your whole body trembling, and Joel's eyes widen, a move his nostril mimick as he feels like he's going through hell again.

A gun pointed at him, and a girl he must protect shielding him.

He can't let this happen again, he can't let you put yourself in danger because of him. He touches your shoulders, trying to pull you away.

"Get your fucking hands off her!" Your dad yells, and you close your eyes, tears now flowing freely down your cheeks in fear of how this is gonna unfold. "Don't fucking touch her!" He yells again, and you press your chest further into his gun, Joel's hands leave your body, staying high to try and ease your dad.

"Bill you're pointing a gun to my daughter!" Frank says nervously, trying to not startle Bill and make him pull the trigger accidentally. "Put this fucking gun down!" He says firmly, his voice now louder, and Bill looks at you, his eyes softening when he realizes your chest is against the gun.

"Frank, you..." Bill starts, then turns his head to look at his husband, his tone again dangerously calm. "Did you know about this?" He asks, and Frank's eyes falter, the anger and nervousness in his face melting down.

"Bill... I... I didn't wanna tell you becaus—"

"You lied to me?" Your dad whispers, and for the first time you sense sadness in him. "You all fucking LIED TO ME!" There's anger again.

"Dad—" You nervously try to talk to him.

"YOU, baby! You lied to me! You... My babygirl... You lied to me. I'm you father, I... I've always kept you safe, healthy, comfortable, away from everything, I... I taught you how to handle yourself, and you... You do this to me? Behind my back?" He says, his crying consuming more of his expression and voice with every word.

And his words make you feel horrible. You're ashamed of yourself. You should've talked to your dad, you couldn't have lied to him. You should've been honest and let him know about your feelings for Joel since they started blooming. You shouldn't — you couldn't — have been so selfish.

"I'm sorry, daddy." You try to say between tears, your voice small and high.

"Bill, it's not her fault—" Joel starts, but your dad cuts him.

"Of course it's not her fault! She's a kid!" Bill snarls, shouting at Joel. "I gave you a house to stay, I gave you food, we made a deal! I trusted you inside this town... Inside my house! And this is what you do to me? To my daughter? Taking advantage of her like that?" He violently spits at Joel, who's staring at the floor, not holding Bill's eyes.

He isn't even defending himself.

It's like he's ashamed of himself, like he agrees with your father. Not for the reasons you do, but because he thinks he should never have touched you.

But you know your father is wrong. Joel wasn't taking advantage of you, you wanted him to do everything he did.

He likes you just as much as you like him, you two share something.

Right?

So why isn't he responding? Why isn't he telling your dad what he told you last night? That he is thinking about staying with you, that he wants to do things right?

"I'm sorry. You're right. I'm sorry." He finally says, his voice sounding small for the first time. "But nothing happened. We just slept, nothing else."

"I don't wanna know what you did or didn't do to her. I want you out of my house, out of my town, out of my fucking sight as quickly as possible or I'm not gonna think twice before blowing your fucking brains." Bill snarls, his voice again in a menacing low rumble.

You've never seen your dad like this. This angry and violent. Not when infected appear near the fences, not even when those raiders tried to invade the town.

And you've never seen Joel so small, so ashamed.

Is he ashamed of being with you?

"Daddy, please, don't do anything." You plead, taking a step towards him, and he takes a step back, not looking into your eyes.

"I want you out of here. Quick. Don't give me time to rethink this." He tells Joel coldly, leaving the room, passing by Frank without looking into his eyes neither.

"I fucking told you to be careful." Frank says after Bill goes downstairs, unable to hide his frustration as he stands in the door, looking at Joel and beckoning with his head for Joel to leave your bedroom. Joel goes without looking back, and you call him.

"Joel, no... I, please... My dad can't do this, he can't tell you to leave like this." You cry, and his gaze softens. This is what he never wanted, to watch you hurt like this. "You don't even have any food left, you have wet clothes on the clothesline... You can't go." You plead.

"Joel, go pack your things." Frank says, and Joel purses his lips before turning back around and leaving your bedroom, his eyes avoiding Frank's.

You sit on your bed, crying copiously. Because of everything. Because you lied to your dad, to an extent you lied to both of them — Frank had no idea you and Joel were this close —, because you saw Joel fall asleep and didn't wake him up.

You're crying because of how Joel reacted, because of how he agreed that he was wrong. You're crying because... Because you love him, and he's going away, and you're helplessly watching him go and never come back.

And you're watching as he shows no resistance whatsoever. He didn't try to explain, to defend himself, he didn't try to ask to stay.

He just agreed that he was wrong and that he had to leave.

Frank kneels on the floor in front of you, holding your forearms tight. "Love, look at me. Stop crying." He says gently yet firmly, but you can't stop the tears flowing down your cheeks.

"Dad, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." You hug him tight, your words muffled by his shoulder, and any leftover of anger in him melts away at your pain.

"Darling. I need you to stay calm, ok? I'll keep your dad in our bedroom and you're gonna help Joel get ready to leave."

"I can't... I can't help him leave me." You cry, and Frank dries your face with your own shirt, using the fabric that's covering your stomach.

"Here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna get up, you're gonna take his clothes that are on the clothesline, you're gonna pack him something to eat and you're gonna give it to him. Put the wet clothes in a plastic bag and make sure he has enough food to go back home, ok? It's a two day trip." He says. "Do that for him. He's gonna appreciate it, ok? You're not helping him leave, there's no choice there. You're just taking care of him one last time and making sure he's gonna be ok." He says, and you agree, nodding and trying to control your tears. "C'mon, let's go." He says softly, taking your hand in his and guiding you downstairs, soothing you when you look at Joel's bedroom, keeping you focused on doing what he asked.

You take Joel's clothes out of the clothesline and pack him a few roasted vegetables, some of your dad's cans of ravioli, orange juice and water.

You take it to his bedroom, stopping at his door. He has his back turned to the door while he packs his things.

"Joel." You cry out from his bedroom door, and he looks at you, his eyes red and regretful.

"I'm so sorry, baby." He says, his voice low and raspy, from sleep and from crying.

"It's not your fault." You say, placing the bags with his clothes and food on his bed. "I saw you fall asleep, I should've told you to go to your room." You confess.

"No, baby. I mean I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for ever touching you, for ever doing everything I did to you." He says, and the regret in his voice hurts you.

Every touch, every whisper, every look... It was all new and overwhelming for you... And regretful for him?

"You regret everything?" You ask, your voice small and hurt.

"No. No, baby, I regret nothing." He whispers, walking closer to you. "You made me feel in a way I thought I'd never feel again." He cups your cheeks, his thumbs caressing the skin under your eye. "But look at what it did to you." He says, wiping your neverending tears away with his thumbs, a few more escaping his own. "This is all I know how to do. Hurt everyone I love. You didn't deserve to feel any of this, my angel."

"You made me feel alive, Joel." You say, holding his wrists. "I'm only hurting so much because of how you make me feel. Because what I feel is new, is real, and because I don't want you to go." You say, hugging him tight, burying your face in his soft and good smelling shirt.

"My baby." He says, hugging you back, his hands on your back and the back of your head, your tears soaking the shoulder of his shirt as you hold him, trying to memorize what his embrace feels like. Not ever wanting to let him go.

"Where you really thinking about staying?" You ask softly, and you feel his chest rumble with his chuckle.

"I was." He squeezes you tighter. "But I don't want you to think about that right now." He says, pulling back to look at your face.

"Why not?" You ask softly, looking up at him.

"No need to hurt yourself even more with what could've been, baby."

"But I wanna know." You plead, and he sighs, smiling softly.

He walks you to his window, holding you close as he points to the house across the street from yours.

"I'd renovate that one. See how much grass it has behind it? I'd put fences there and make a small ranch. Raise some... Sheep, maybe. I'd look for the seeds you wanted. Maybe make a tiny greenhouse, grow some wheat so we could have bread. We'd have even more things to eat." He says, his eyes glistening and his lips in a smile that weakens when he looks down at you, your gaze focused on the house across the street.

It's never gonna happen.

"Would we live together?" You whisper, still focused on the house.

"If you wanted, yes. I'd love to." He smiles, fixing your hair, tenderly playing with it, trying to registrate it's softness and smell as he pulls you closer, his nose buried on your hair.

"Joel... My dad can't do this. You should stay. Stay for a few more days, I promise I'll talk to him and we'll fix this." You say, hugging him tighter, determined to not give up just yet. "He can't do this." You repeat, your eyes welling up again.

"He can. And he's right, it'll be best if I go." Joel says gently.

"Not best for me." You cry, your lips trembling under your emotions. "He can't do it." You say once again, like a mantra, your face darkening this time, as anger consumes you. "He can't keep me from making my own decisions." You say.

"Listen to me." Joel says sternly, calling you by your name, his hands holding your face so you have no choice but to look at him, his eyes as soft as ever. "Your father has his reasons. I need you to promise me you're not gonna hold this against him." He says, and you shake your head. "You won't get mad at him, you won't let this in any way get in the way of the two of you." He says sternly. "Can you promise me that?" He asks, softer this time, and you shake your head.

"I can't... He's making you go. Go back to the QZ, you said your life there is miserable." You say, crying.

"Promise me." He says, once again saying your name, using the same voice he used when his weight was on top of you, his hands all over you, his smell on your nose, his lips on yours, his hot breath on your neck.

The voice that makes it impossible for you to say no to him.

He gently taps your cheeks with his thumbs, raising his eyebrows, asking for a response.

"I promise." You say, and he hugs you tenderly, savoring your presence while he still can.

"That's my good girl." He whispers in your ear before kissing your cheek, and you cling tighter to him. To imagine never feeling his warmth again, his comforting embrace, his presence...

And he's gonna miss you just as much. Your pretty clothes, your bright smile, your citric scent, your cooking, your laughing, your voice, your curiosity and genuine interest and care for him.

You're still indulging in each other's presence when Frank shows up by the door, his already red eyes watering as he sees you two by the window. He clears his throat before speaking, and you two look at him, just turning your heads, not pulling one inch apart.

"Bill's in our bedroom. He agreed to not leave, to let you go." He says, and Joel nods.

"Alright, I'm ready to go." He says, trying to pull you away, but you hold onto him, desperate to not lose this.

"Darling, let him go." Frank says, his voice shaking.

"I can't." You cry, your body not ready to allow this. To allow him to go forever.

"Baby, look at me." Joel calls, lifting your chin, and you let him maneuver you. "Promise me you'll take care of yourself. You'll be careful when you go outside, you'll take care of your parents, you won't be upset with your father." He says.

"Joel..." You cry out quietly, and he gently shakes his head.

"Promise me you'll let me go. You won't hurt yourself with what could've happened. You'll try and forget about all this." He says, his own chest hurting.

"I can't forget you, Joel." You say.

"And I won't forget you, baby." His voice breaks. "I'll think about you everyday. Everytime I feel sad, I'll come back to us, I'll remember you when I need comfort." He promises, making your heart ache. "But I need you to be ok." He says. "Can you promise me you'll try?" He asks.

"Joel..." You cry, feeling powerless and desperate, your chest tight.

"Baby, I need to know you're gonna be alright. I can't have the pain of leaving you hurting like this." He says. "I can't know I let you down too." He cries in a whisper, his voice almost inaudible.

"I promise." You recompose yourself. "I promise I'll try. But I'll hope to see you every day Joel. Every day." You say. "I'll never run out of hope." You promise, tears cascading down your cheeks.

Joel smiles, his eyes scanning your face, his fingers tenderly pulling your hair behind your ear. "I'll always love you, baby. You're forever with me, I'm never gonna hurt alone again." He says, hugging you tight and kissing the top of your head before softening his arms around you.

You cry, releasing your grip around him and sitting on his bed, watching him put his backpack on. He grabs your chin, making you look up at him, his thumbs run over your cheeks, feeling your soft skin one last time, as if trying to memorize your face, and you run away to your bedroom. He looks at Frank, sighing sadly.

He can't believe he hurt you this much. He let this all happen.

"I'm sorry." He tells your dad.

"I'm sorry too." Frank responds.

He walks past your bedroom and you call him.

"Joel!" You say, your voice shaken by your crying. He looks at you, a hint of relief in his eyes; you didn't run from him.

"Yeah, baby?" He asks gently.

"Here. I took a photo of Sarah's photo. You talked about how it was fading, and I wanted to make sure it lasts for a little longer." You say, handing him her photo, his eyes flooding at his girl's smile.

"Thank you, baby. It means the world to me." He says, caressing her photo, feeling that there's another photo underneath hers. He pulls it and finds a picture of you, sitting under the sunlight, wearing a pretty dress and an even prettier smile.

"That one is so you don't forget about me. I sprayed some perfume in it." You smile weakly, and he chuckles, his eyes glistening as he smells the photo.

"I could never forget you, baby." He smiles, touching his forehead to yours and cupping your face the way he always does; your ear between his thumb and index finger while he caresses the skin under your eye. "Take good care of yourself. I'll always be thinking about you." He whispers, pulling back to kiss your forehead before looking at Frank. "Let's go." He says, looking into your eyes one last time before walking down the stairs.

And you watch him go. Trying to keep yourself together to not hurt him, but feeling like there are a million feelings stirring inside you, just waiting for him to disappear so they can erupt.

And as he walks past the gates, and then disappears in the horizon, that's exactly what happens. You collapse onto your bed as you cry. You cry like you've never cried before. You cry until your chest and your stomach hurt. They hurt and they burn in a way that feels like they're never gonna stop hurting again.

You cry until the pain eases. Until your head hurts more than your heart, then you stop crying, trying not to think about him. Trying to not think about what's gonna be of you now.

You have your parents until they die.

And then...?

Loneliness wraps you in a cold and dry embrace, and you fall asleep.

About an hour later Bill leaves his bedroom, finding Frank seated on the stairs. "Let me pass." He says, and Frank gets up.

"Bill... Please don't break our daughter's heart. Don't tell her Joel used or abused her, she really likes him, in ways you still don't know." He says. "And — sigh — I believe him when he said he likes her too.

"You believe he likes her, Frank? He was in our daughter's bed! He was in my babygirl's bed! God knows what he did to her!" Bill growls, keeping his voice low as tears threaten to fall again.

"Bill, I understand, but-"

"Don't defend him, Frank. I haven't forgotten you lied to me. You knew what he was doing and you didn't tell me anything." He says. "You asked me to let him go and I did. I did because I couldn't kill him and have her hate me the rest of her life. But you don't fucking ask me to try and understand him." He says, nudging Frank out of the way and going to your bedroom.

...

He unlocks your door — that you're locking again, now that Joel's gone — and walks in, watching you sleep.

He sits at the edge of your bed, right beside your lower back, and gently caresses your hair. You feel it and wake up, turning eagerly, hurting yourself with the hope that it'd be him.

"Hi, dad." You say, for the first time disappointed to see your father.

Bill looks at you. For the first time he doesn't know how to talk to you, what to say to you. He honestly doesn't even know why he came to your bedroom.

"... How are you feeling?" He asks a few seconds after parting his lips, not finding anything better to say.

You look at him, your eyes burning as they flood again, and you advert your gaze, not sustaining your dad's anymore.

He tries to soothe you, caressing your hair and softening his gaze, feeling bad because of how much Joel hurt you. Because of how selfish he was.

He thought of Joel as a good man. Even if older than you, he seemed to be a good man, a good man for you. He could provide for you, he could look after you. He could keep you happy and safe. Bill knows he made you happy. He saw it in your smile every time you were around him.

The problem is he decided to do that under his nose.

You can't help but cry again. Your dad's touch, that always soothed you when you needed, now stings the skin on its path, like if his own touch knows it took something away from you.

"He lied to me... And look what he did to you, I've never seen you cry like this." He says, genuine worry in his voice.

"I never cried like this because I've never had anything like this, dad. I never had anyone like him, I never felt like this... Loved like this." You manage to say, and Bill's eyes harden, his hand stopping its caress and pulling back.

"I don't know what kind of delusions he put in your mind, honey, but he doesn't love you more than your father and I do." He says sternly.

"I'm not saying that. He never said that." You defend yourself and him. "But for the first time I felt like a woman, not a child." You say, and his eyes narrow.

"Did he ever touch you?" He asks.

You hesitate before answering.

"He never did anything I didn't want him to."

He gets up, angry and exasperated. All under his fucking nose.

"I can't fucking believe this. How could I be so fucking.... Argh!" He screams, frustrated with himself.

How could he be so careless?

"He said you lied to him. Said you told him we've had other people around. When I told him we haven't, and I've never even kissed anyone before, he said he wouldn't do anything to me." You say, your voice starting to crack as you remember that first night... How he felt, how he held you, his strong arms maneuvering you so effortlessly, his beard scratching your skin, his big hands squeezing your body in such new and good ways, his smell, his warmth. How good it felt to finally be kissed.

Your eyes burn as you think about how you're never going to feel that again, how you'll never see him again.

"The worst part of all this is seeing you like this, my love." He says, sitting by your side again and caressing your hair. You need some comforting, so you curl into a ball, resting you head on his thigh and waiting for his hand to come to your hair.

Seeking comfort in the one that's causing you so much pain.

Your crying gets uglier, and your father soothes you.

"He ruined our family." He continues. "We were happy, we were in peace. He came and everything changed, he made you lie to me, do things behind my back. Made you point a gun to your own chest." His voice darkens. "I've only ever seen you so hurt when I got shot by those raiders." He says.

"The only two times in my life I knew I could lose someone." You cry.

You weren't living before Joel, life was comfortable and you were happy and safe, but there was not much more to it than cooking, cleaning and gardening. He gave a reason to want to dress up, to cook something good and different, to wanna play songs on the piano and to feel more hope in your future.

Because even in the comfort of Lincoln's fences, you knew your future held loneliness and solitude.

"And that someone did what he did knowing you could come out of it hurt like this." Bill says. "For that I don't think I'll ever forgive him." He says, holding you.

...

And Joel won't ever forgive himself either.

All he does whole going back to the QZ is think about you. How you're doing, how you're feeling.

He thinks about you all the time. In what you told him.

'I feel so much for you.' You said.

His chest hurts, and he can only think about how yours must hurt too. So he doesn't try to cut his painful thoughts.

Much like he did when Sarah died, he forces himself through self loathing.

Like penitence, like self-punishment for what he did. He knows you're suffering, and he knows there's nothing he can do about it. He knows it's his fault, and thinking about it, suffering about it is the only way he can make up for the pain he's caused.

By suffering along with you. By not sleeping enough, not eating enough, not working enough.

He doesn't deserve a happy and comfortable life.

Not when he failed someone he loves again. Not when he knows how bad you're feeling.

Time goes by, and the deal goes on.

They work together, but Joel can't come near the gates nor call or answer the radio. He stays in a safehouse near Lincoln and Tess comes to talk to your parents while you stay in your bedroom, hoping every single time you're gonna see him. Even if just a glimpse of him behind the gates.

But he's never there, and as weeks go by, you eventually lose your hope.

You're not half as bubbly as you were when Joel was around. Not near as sunny and happy as you used to be before him.

And Bill notices it. The way you don't always play the piano anymore, the way you don't always put perfume on. It's like part of you left with Joel. And Bill can't help but grow even angrier at him because of it.

...

One night after dinner, maybe about one month after he was gone, you're by your window, and Frank comes in your bedroom, leaning against the window, the side of his hips touching the side of yours as he smiles down at you.

"How are you feeling, my dove?" He asks, pulling your hair away from your face and caressing your cheeks, noticing how pale you are and how lifeless your hair seems.

"Better, I guess. There's no point in mourning if he's never coming back. And he asked me to try anyway, so I'm trying." You sigh, leaning onto your dad's shoulder.

"That's good. What's that on your hand?" He asks.

"His plan. I like thinking about it sometimes. Of what he'd have done." You say, showing him a polaroid of the view from your bedroom window, with focus on the house across the street, the one Joel said he'd renovate.

"He wanted to fence it to raise some animals?" Frank smiles, seeing the drawing you made over the photo, with the fences, the sheep, the greenhouse and a few crops.

"Yeah. He said a greenhouse would be good to have more variety. And I thought the sheep would keep him busy." You smile.

"He'd be a great addition to our town." Frank sighs, thinking of what could come of their combined skills and resilience. "He'd be a good addition to your life too." He whispers.

"He would." You smile, allowing yourself to daydream.

Waking up early with him by your side, going to your crops, taking care of your animals, having breakfast, going to your dads' house to talk to them. Go for a run with Frank, maybe convince Bill and Joel to join you. Learn more about the guitar and teach Joel how to play the piano, take care of your dads with him, go hunting, go to the lake, make a pool and let the rain fill it.

There ain't much to do in this life.

But you'd rather do little with him by your side.

Bill's in his bunker, cleaning his guns and organizing some things.

After all the time that has passed he came to terms with you. He understood your side when you showed him you understood his, but Joel's behavior was still not something he could accept.

"Frank?" Joel's voice comes out of the radio.

Bill frowns. He made it clear to Frank that he never again wanted Joel to have any communication with them. Any and every deal or supply related exchange should be made through Tess.

"What the fuck are you doing on the radio?" Bill asks, and Joel's heart loses its rhythm. "I said I never wanted to fucking hear from you again. So what? The fuck? Are you doing? On my fucking radio?" Your dad repeats, and Joel clears his throat before speaking.

"I'm sorry." He says.

Bill hears it, but he doesn't respond.

"Not just for being on the radio." He adds, and Bill looks at the device, as if trying to see Joel's face through it. "I know what you must've felt when you saw us but—" He keeps going, but Bill interrupts him.

"You have no fucking idea what I felt, Joel." He says, and Joel goes quiet. He owns Bill as many chances to vent as he needs. "You have no fucking idea what I felt when I saw my daughter... That I have since she was a baby... That turned diapers into my priority when I only wanted to find more ammo, that I always did everything I could to keep safe... You have no idea of what it felt like when I saw her laying on her bed with you." He says, anger and sadness coating every word he let out. "To find out she lied to me? Because of you? That I trusted you inside my fences, inside my house? That I fed you, that I made a deal with you... And you were touching my daughter behind my back?" He continues, Joel's eyes pouring tears as he puts on Bill's shoes, as he thinks of Sarah.

He knew when Bill pointed that gun at him that he wouldn't shoot. Deep down him and Bill are very similar men, — very similar fathers —and he knew that, if ever in his position, he'd put his daughter in the first place.

He always would.

So he wouldn't shoot the son a bitch that was doing God-knows-what with her behind his back. Not because he believed a man like that was worth of any of his respect or mercy.

But because he knew how that'd affect his child.

So he knew Bill wouldn't shoot him. He couldn't let you have the memory of his brain splattered all over your bedsheets. He knows exactly how Bill feels.

"I know how you feel—" He says, his voice choked by his eminent tears.

"Don't fucking say that!" Bill growls, his voice low and threatening. "Don't you ever fucking say that because you don't know! If you knew what it is like to be a father you wouldn't have done it!" He lets his voice raise a bit.

Thankfully you're far away from your house, sitting besides your crops, looking for anything that requires some extra attention. Away from this.

Bill's words cut right through Joel. "I know how it feels like, Bill. That's why I'm sorry. Because if I were you, I would just not have killed me because of Sarah. Because I know a father wouldn't do that to his daughter, to have her last memory of the man she says she loves to be his brains pooling in her pillow. I'm not thanking you for not killing me because I know you didn't put that gun down because of me."

"Sarah?" Bill asks quietly.

"I know how you feel, Bill. I know what it feels like to be afraid to lose your daughter—" Joel starts, his voice drown in his crying. "There's nothing I ever wanted more than to see my little girl safe and happy... And I'd give anything to have her here with me. But to imagine having her lie to me, having someone taking advantage of her makes my blood boil, makes my skin burn." He continues. Bill is looking around, processing what Joel's telling him. "So I am sorry for what I did. I'm sorry for making her lie to you. You have all the right to never want to hear from me again, and I won't stay on your way." He says.

Bill's eyes are burning, he's feeling his chest tighten as Joel speaks. There's too much honesty in his voice for him to be lying.

The girl in the painting he saw Frank working on... Could it be her?

"You—" he tries to speak, but his voice stays stuck on his throat.

"I'll never take you as wrong for hating me. No. But as hard as it may be for you to believe me, I need you to know I do care about her. I always did. I wasn't going to do anything to her until I talked to you and Frank. I wasn't planning on leaving, because I didn't want to hurt her. I never moved one finger she didn't want me to." He says. "Because I care about her... I want to know she's okay, she's happy, she's dressed in the clothes she likes." He chuckles, thinking about how happy your clothes make tou. "And she's safe. She's safe and she's happy. That's all I care about. And I haven't felt the way I felt with her in so long, but I'd give all that up, I'd keep living in my misery just so she didn't feel those feelings too." He sounds sincere, the pain he's been carrying ever since seeing your face, your despair, being poured on the radio. "Because now I'm even deeper in misery, because I know how she's feeling. And I know she's feeling that way because of me. So I'm sorry for what I did, but I know you can't ever forgive me for making her feel this way, because I won't ever forgive myself either." He says. "Please don't ever think twice before reaching out for anything she ever wants or needs. Anything at all. I'll always be here for anything she needs."

"How'd you lost her?" Bill asks, and Joel freezes. He didn't expect him to wanna keep talking. Or to ask about Sarah.

"Outbreak day." He starts, his eyes burning. "A guard pointed a gun at us and I... I just stood there. I just... Let him shoot us, shoot her." He says, sounding monotonic, almost apathetic as he's shut down any feelings he still had about that day. As he knows you're not there to soothe him and he can't let his feelings overwhelm him.

"How old was she?" Bill asks, his voice shaken by his emotion.

Joel takes a few seconds, when he speaks, his voice is barely understandable. "Fourteen."

"Oh my God—" Bill says, feeling a pang in his chest. "I'm sorry." He continues. "She's... I... Just to imagine losing her I... God." He can't express how painful the loss of a child must be.

The two of them go silent for a few seconds, each processing their own feelings and relentless thoughts.

"I called to say I've found the medicine Frank asked for. We need nothing, Tess and I will bring the medicine to you in a few days." Joel says, recomposing himself.

It takes Bill a second to respond.

"Alright. We'll give you something in return here." He says, and the radio goes silent.

Later that day, Bill and Frank lay on their bed, and Bill can't seem to fall asleep.

"Frank?" He calls his husband, who turns around to face him.

"Yeah, love?" He answers.

"Tell me everything you knew about them." He says, and Frank studies Bill's face before laying on his back, telling everything he saw and everything you've told him.

He tells Bill how happy and in love you were. What he heard from Joel's bedroom the day he left; how he made you promise you wouldn't hold any resentment towards your father.

He tells Bill about how he saw you two kiss before Joel left that one time and how you asked him to paint Sarah. How Joel had the plan to raise sheep and make a greenhouse to provide better food for you. How honest Joel's feelings seemed, and how sad he seemed to have to leave you.

"Bill... You know she's gonna stay alone one day." Frank says, his voice shaken by the tears that threaten to fall from his eyes, all caused by the inevitable. "Our girl doesn't deserve loneliness. She deserves love. Love like the one we have." He says, holding Bill's hand. "Aren't you happier now than you'd be without me and her?" He whispers, and Bill's eyes water, pools forming on their corners.

"You two are my everything." He cries. "I don't know what would've been of me without you."

"You'd still be alive, thriving even. Because you're you." Frank laughs gently. "But that's not everything, is it? It's not fair with her. To be forced into an inevitable solitude." He says. "I understand and respect your decision. We all do, even her, even though all the pain it caused her. But think about her." He says, gently kissing Bill's lips before snuggling close to him.

Bill's quick to return the closeness, wrapping his arms around Frank protectively.

And this intimate moment makes him think of you.

Alone in your bed, with no one to talk to before you fall asleep, no one to dream with, no one to share a life with after him and Frank are gone.

The next day he sits on his bunker, besides the radio, his forehead resting on his hands. His legs shake nervously as he waits for a voice to come up and answer his call.

"This is Tess. Is everything ok?" He hears, and his heart pounds inside his chest.

"Tess?" He tries to not let his voice come out too shaky. "This is Bill. Can you get Joel, please?" He says, doing perhaps the greatest act of love he's ever done.

Please, please tell me what you thought about it, i love reading your comments and reblogs in this series, it makes my day 🩷🫶🏻

The final part is already written, and I'm editing it right now, I hope you all come back to end this story with me, ily all so much 🩷

@cruelfvkingsummer Bill finally blew a fuse 🤧

Tagging people who showed love for this series throughout this whole time:

@yellowbubblewrap @therealmrszenin @luna50 @trishpish-blog1 @zelena89 @ayamenimthiriel @allmyn1ghts @xkyxkyxxlylcylulucuflfluclu @blooodmoonbarnes @thecaptainpandabear @samsamsantos @cleopatra99 @pedritoferg @trishpish-blog @mscolorhead @mrsjavierp

#joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel miller x female reader #dirty hands #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x you #joel miller x virgin reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fan fiction #joel miller angst

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blues824 · 2 years

Note

Can I please request the twisted wonderland dorm leaders with the nezuko reader

And how would they react when they find out why they were a muzzle.

Them being the official sleeping buddy of Leona. them giving headpats to riddle and Idia to comfort them. Them and Kalim being their sunshine selfs. and Azul wanting to use their ability to steal because he knows nobody can be mad at them. Vil having the time of their life dolling them up

(I'm so sorry if I sent many requests I love your work so much)

Stahp 🤭… low-key bout to cry. *gives a classic Nezuko headpat*

Also, I love receiving requests. You’re just a loyal customer. And I used your request from the Obey Me! Dateables as a guideline of the headcanons I’m writing here.

Riddle Rosehearts

He is very shocked to find out you are a demon. He’s read much about them, but he never expected them to look so… cute? You seemed so innocent, and it took him by surprise. But, you seem to have more common sense than some of his fellow Heartslabyul members so he holds nothing against you.

The fact that you are naturally friendly comforts him because somebody isolated him his whole childhood. He finds it very hard to ever be mad at you. You once walked by him in the hall and he greeted you, but you simply gave him a head pat as a greeting. He wasn’t mad, more embarrassed and hopelessly in love.

When he asked about your muzzle, he asked about it in the most polite way possible. You wrote on a piece of paper that it was to control your urges around so many people. That did scare him a bit, but he was glad that you were taking measures to control yourself.

When he found out you could shrink, you were tending to the hedgehogs. You shrank so as to seem smaller to them and it worked. He damn near screamed when he saw you grow back to regular size, but he recovered quickly.

One day he was yelling at Ace and Deuce for getting in trouble again. You rushed into the scene without your muzzle and attacked Riddle. You didn’t do him serious harm, you were able to snap out of it before anything too horrible happened. Later you explained that you saw your deceased family in Ace and Deuce and you sought to protect them from any harm.

He also learns that you regain your stamina through sleep instead of consuming humans, which he is grateful for. He will help you through any questions you have on the homework. He can’t get mad about it: you are much more powerful than he is, plus it’s an excuse to spend time with you.

He would love to help you control your urges, so he helps you practice by using his magic to play both offense and defense. He uses his unique magic to gain a few seconds to grab your muzzle if you get carried away.

One day, you are seen without your muzzle and he is so proud of you. He will invite you over to tea and will love hearing you speak freely rather than writing. He will even let you eat the first tart at your first unbirthday party without your muzzle! However, you always have it on hand if you ever get an inkling that something will go wrong.

Leona Kingscholar

Has this guy ever been surprised? He’s more intrigued than anything. He also doesn’t call you herbivore. He will say that you are adorable. You’re kind of absent-minded at times, but he can overlook it. You don’t cause him too much trouble, so you’re cool with him.

When you meet his nephew, he will be more alert. However, you are very kind and playful towards Cheka. You will gladly volunteer to babysit in place of Leona, and Cheka is all for it. However, you sometimes headpat Leona himself as a greeting. He gets a bit annoyed, but he understands that it’s mainly because you can’t speak with your muzzle.

Speaking of your muzzle, he finds it oppressive. As a beastman, he doesn’t like muzzles for obvious reasons. However, he understands that it might be different for a demon. He’s glad you aren’t going around eating people.

He found out you could change your size when you were playing around with his nephew. You had him on your shoulders and you would grow and shrink so he could reach stuff (like the door frame). As long as Cheka isn’t bothering his naps, he doesn’t really care.

Ace and Deuce once got into trouble with the Savanaclaw kids, and it was Hell in Twisted Wonderland. Ace’s big mouth just couldn’t shut up for 5 seconds. He was trash-talking the Savanaclaw students that just so happened to be right behind him. That’s where you come in:

You jumped into action right away. You saw that the Savanaclaw students would easily overpower your friends, so you tore off your muzzle and attacked. Leona has never been so surprised. Before you were able to do any immense damage, Crowley was on scene and got you under control. Once you had your muzzle back on, you were back to your loving and friendly self. You later explain that you see Ace and Deuce as your family that was killed by demons.

When he learns that you regain stamina through sleep alone, he volunteers to watch over you while you nap. And by watch over you, I really mean be your cuddle buddy. He will hold you in his arms and you will nap for hours.

Savanaclaw is a great place to train your powers. Leona will gladly hold your muzzle in case something happens, but he will make his dorm train against you because you are a great opponent to train with. Tbh, he finds it hot that you can take out that many guys by yourself.

When you are confident enough to go a day without your muzzle, he will walk you to your classes as well as attend his own. He wants to be nearby in case something happens. You told him (he was surprised when he heard you speak) that you kept your muzzle on you in case an incident occurred. He won’t admit it, but he is very proud of you.

Azul Ashengrotto

He’s freaked out when he found out you’re a demon. Then he finds out about your abilities, as well as your non-existent streak for eating people. He still remains cautious, but you seem to be easily manipulatable.

You easily win your way into everyone’s good sides with your friendly and kind disposition. If he could get you under a contract, then everyone would surely follow. That, or get you to come to the Mostro Lounge every so often. He will find it odd that you give headpats rather than a hand wave, but you are just a naturally affectionate person so he doesn’t mind.

Going back to how he wants you to come to the Mostro Lounge, he has this elaborate plan set up… until he finds out about why you wear your muzzle. It is rather unfortunate, but he would rather not be eaten. He stays up at night wondering what your voice sounds like.

He found out you could change your size when you tried to give Floyd a head pat. He was just too tall, so you grew temporarily. The trio were all shocked, but Floyd was a happy eel that day. Azul was very interested in this ability. It must be very convenient for you.

Once, your friends were being terrorized by Floyd’s squeezes. They weren’t in true danger, Floyd was just bored. However, you barged in like the FBI and tackled the eel. You didn’t have your muzzle on, and you would have caused serious damage if his arms weren’t so long. Azul walked in after hearing the commotion and used his magic to hold you temporarily so he could put your muzzle back on. You apologized and said that you saw Ace and Deuce as people you needed to protect.

When Azul learns that you regain stamina through naps, he will offer (for free) to look after you. He will bring you classwork you missed as well as tell you stories of the sea to help you sleep better. Jade and Floyd know to not disturb you unless they want to face docked pay checks as well as your wrath.

He’s a bit too busy to help you train, but he will be there if you need any help emotionally or mentally. He sometimes invites you over so as to train his dorm as well as let Floyd go haywire. Think of it as payment for destroying the Lounge while ‘protecting your friends’.

When he finds you going without your muzzle one day, he is concerned. You explained (he found your voice heavenly) that you were confident in your ability to control yourself for at least a day, but you had your bamboo muzzle on you just in case. He was very proud of you, he treated you to a study date at the lounge.

Kalim Al-Asim

You’re so cute! He doesn’t really care if you’re a demon. He’s the least judgmental person in NRC, so that’s a given. Jamil advises him to be cautious though. However, he doesn’t really listen to Jamil…

You’re basically the same person. You’re both friendly rays of sunshine who are naturally affectionate and happy. You’re sometimes absent-minded but so is he! He loves your headpats and will give you headpats in return. Jamil panics because now there’s two of them!

He once asked about your muzzle over dinner and Jamil was about to reprimand him when you wrote on a piece of paper that you were still a demon and had yet to control your urges. Jamil was freaked out but Kalim was determined to help you gain control.

He found out you could shrink and grow when you were playing around. You were marching around while growing and shrinking and it was very amusing to see Kalim try and ‘imitate’ it. You gone to Cinnabon lately? Cuz y’all being too much of a cinnamon roll

Once, he invited you and Grim over to enjoy the wonders Scarabia had to offer. However, when he shoved crackers into Grim’s mouth, you growled at him. He retrieved his hand and looked like a hurt puppy, and Jamil pulled Kalim behind him. Once you calmed down and made sure Grim was okay, you explained that you have an urge to protect Grim.

When Kalim learns that you nap a lot, he will be sad that it means less time to hang out with you, but he will definitely cuddle with you when he can! He will bring your classwork to you, but he won’t be much help to you. You both tend to get distracted until Jamil interferes.

He will help you train via subjecting his dorm to fierce hours of non-stop working. It was a win-win situation in his eyes, but he was upset that his dorm-mates were easily defeated. He will even train his magic by going through beginner sparring with you.

When he sees you without your muzzle, his eyes become hearts. You were just so gorgeous! Your voice sounded so nice! He followed you around all day until classes started, but after the bell rang he would be right next to you. He was so happy about your progress and he couldn’t help but throw a party for you (this time, Jamil didn’t complain because he knew how hard you worked)!

Vil Schoenheit

He has mixed feelings about you: you’re so cute, but you’re also a demon who could eat him at a moment’s notice. He will keep his guard up around you, but other than that you don’t cause much trouble.

Little by little, you break down that wall of his and you let him dress you up. You being his little doll whenever you both have free time is what he uses to de-stress after a long day. He’s happy that you so willingly let him do whatever he wants to your face and hair, as well as willingly go into the bathroom to change into an outfit he selected.

While he was dressing you up, he asked about your muzzle since the green of the bamboo didn’t fit well with the outfit he selected. You told him that you were still a demon and had trouble controlling yourself around so many humans, and it shocked him. So what did he do? Designed muzzles to go with your outfits!

He doesn’t appreciate your headpats since it ruins his hair, but he does appreciate the sentiment behind it. You give headpats to everyone as a greeting, and he’s glad that you have that personal connection with him, but please just wave. Mans took so long on his hair and he doesn’t want it to get messed up.

He found out you could shrink when an article of clothing didn’t quite fit you since you were a bit too small for it. Then you just grew so that you fit it better. He was quite surprised, but happy that you could model more outfits for him. However, it does get quite awkward when he asks you to shrink or grow.

Once, Vil forced Epel to do his skin care routine and the latter was just not having it today. He was kicking and screaming. You barged in and tackled Vil. He noticed that you didn’t have your muzzle but instead you were trying to snap at him. Epel quickly used a spell to push you away so that Vil could get his pen and hold you in place. You later explained that you had a strong urge to protect Epel from any imminent danger and you couldn’t help but act on that impulse.

Vil isn’t very happy with your sleep schedule, but he understands that you have to otherwise you might resort to eating humans, and that isn’t good at all. So, he brings you your work and will gladly talk you through anything you need help with.

Exercising is very good for your health, so Vil will gladly help you gain control over your demonic urges. He will grab Rook and have him help as well in your training. You make a bunch of progress and you gain more control over your abilities as well as your reactions.

One day, you feel confident enough to go at least one day without your muzzle on, and Vil is right there with you every step of the day. He will walk with you to your classes and check on you after the bell rings and he will invite you to sit with him during lunch. He is so proud of you, and he will reward you with a nice date.

Idia Shroud

This mans is so shy around you. He doesn’t really care that you are a demon (he’s seen so many anime with demons and so he’s not phased by it). You are just his polar opposite, and he’s very anti-social.

He likes that you are very kind towards him, though. You understand that he is very anxious around people, so you are very patient. You gain a good bond with Ortho and it makes Idia happy. He does like your headpats, but he is not used to physical affection. However, he deals with it for you since you can’t speak with your muzzle. After a while, he finds it comforting whenever you give him a headpat.

Speaking of, it’s Ortho who asks about it. Idia was just there in the room as well. You write that you have trouble controlling yourself around so many humans, and that sends Idia into a frenzy because he was human himself. You then have to explain to him that because of the muzzle, you can’t do any serious damage.

He found out you could shrink when Idia shyly asked you to help with upgrading Ortho. You had smaller hands than he did, after all. You shrank even more so that the size of your hands wouldn’t get in the way. He was shocked and almost dropped something, but he quickly recovered.

One time, Ortho went outside to run errands for Idia when he was dragged into trouble with Ace, Deuce, and Grim. They got in a fight with another bunch of students and it was about to be a brawl. Then you charged with the demon blood in you. That was one of the few times Idia has ever been outside. He rushed over and put your muzzle over your mouth to prevent you from doing anything too horrible. You later told him that you attacked because Ortho was in danger.

He doesn’t mind that you sleep a lot. You actually look very cute when you sleep, and he means that in the most adoring way. Sometimes he will sleep next to you, but mostly he’s playing video games. He will help you on school work if you need anything, but other than that he’s kinda just like ‘mood’.

Idia would love to build some robots that you could train with, and you will be able to help him by demonstrating what you can do already. He won’t personally partake in training, but he is glad that he can do something for you in your journey to gaining control.

One day, you go without your muzzle and Idia will willingly join you for lunch in the cafeteria. He will start panicking, but he is able to hear your voice trying to comfort him as you give him the usual headpats. After school, he will reward you with a movie night and all the sweets you could ever want.

Malleus Draconia

He’s not very shocked that you are a demon. He finds you to be very cute, though. He’s not intimidated by you, if you couldn’t tell. He’s very confident in his ability to overpower you, plus he’s not human.

He loves your friendly personality. It’s a stark contrast compared to what he’s used to, but it’s a very welcome difference. He appreciates how you’re not intimidated by him. He also loves your headpats. Usually, no one would dare look his way, but here you are giving him headpats as a greeting. Sebek hates it, but Malleus glares at him.

He asks about your muzzle when you were on your nightly walk. You bring a notepad in case something needs to be said, so you are prepared. You ‘told’ him that since there were so many humans at NRC, you find it hard to control yourself from consuming a human. He doesn’t judge since it’s something out of your control, but he would love to hear your voice more often.

He found out you could change your size when you were invited to the Diasomnia dorm and you were demonstrating all the things you could do. You would go up to Lilia and shrink to his size, to Silver and grow to his size, to Sebek and grow to his size (he yelled at you), and finally to Malleus and grow to his size (minus the horns). For once, Malleus wasn’t the tallest person in the room.

One day, after classes, Ace was going on and on about how Sebek was a ‘teacher’s pet’ and a ‘goody two-shoes’ and the knight showed up at that exact moment. Now, Sebek started yelling at Ace and Deuce and Grim, who were all yelling back. You, not knowing better besides the fact that Sebek is now yelling at your close friends, attacked. You tore off your muzzle so you could try and scare him even more. The young knight was taken off-guard and wasn’t given any chance to recover.

Lilia’s ears caught onto Sebek’s distress and the rest of the group went to go save him. Malleus saw that you pinned Sebek to the ground and tried to get him to stop squirming. You were raising your fist to knock him out, but Malleus grabbed hold of you and pulled you off of Sebek. You later explained that Sebek started yelling at Ace and Deuce, and you got the overwhelming urge to defend your ‘family’. Malleus completely understood everything: he’s a dragon, so he also has those protective urges.

He’s sad that you tend to sleep a lot since that leaves less time to spend with you, but he decides that it is better than going around and consuming humans to regain stamina. Since he doesn’t need much sleep, it’s mostly lying next to you and enjoying your presence as well as making sure nothing happens to you while you are so vulnerable. He will gladly bring you your work and help you catch up since it means he spends more time with you.

He loves training with you. He will volunteer his knights to train with you as a dorm activity. It will help them in the Spelldrive tournaments, and for the future. He personally loves being able to go all-in without fearing for your safety.

One day, he notices that you are walking around without your muzzle and he has that child-like eagerness to hear your voice. He will escort you to and from your classes and he will invite you to sit with him during lunch. He doesn’t want to spend one second without being by your side.

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nose-nippin-fun · 3 months

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Hazbin Hotel Episode 4 Discussion:

I’ve seen a lot of nasty posts floating around today criticizing Vivzie and the show. I’m not here to discredit your feelings, but I think that the darker tone of episode 4 merits some constructive discussion beyond a knee-jerk, pearl-clutching reaction.

From what I’ve seen, the biggest complaint from viewers, myself included, is that this emotional episode with some fairly intense depictions of SA/r*pe was not prefaced with a content warning aside from the usual small text in the top left corner. I truly do believe Amazon should correct this going forward so that viewers can feel better prepared for tone shifts between episodes. That being said, here are my defenses of the show.

Hazbin Hotel has had a huge fan following since the pilot release back in 2019, which set the tone of the show. Between the pilot and Addict music video, people had a pretty clear indication of the adult themes that would be present in the project moving forward. The show is set in Hell, the place where the world’s worst sinners are trapped in the afterlife. This is not an excuse, this is an explanation. There are going to be several characters with tainted morality, some of whom are irredeemable. That’s why they’re in Hell. This show is not meant to glorify sins, but to shine a light on flawed, relatable characters who will grapple with ethics and other struggles and come out changed in the end.

“I can’t believe Angel doesn’t leave his situation and stays stagnant.” Have you ever lived through/witnessed abuse? It is never this easy to sever ties with an abuser. They position themselves in power to control and manipulate, and many times, it’s not physically safe to get away from them. Also, this has been ONE EPISODE, you cannot expect a character with deep trauma to be totally different after a 20-30 minute episode. Angel’s character arc will take time, but his interaction with Husk at the end is an important first step in that direction.

“So Angel is supposed to just get over his trauma because he and Husk sang a song about it?” No. If that was your takeaway, I’m truly sorry you missed the point. Husk is the only person who’s been raw and blunt with Angel (on screen) about dropping the Angel Dust persona and being Anthony. Angel is used to having to put on a flawless, sexy act at all times, so much so that that’s how people really believe he is at all times. Husk sees through this mask Angel developed to protect himself and tell him through their song that imperfect and broken as he feels, Angel isn’t alone in struggling with feelings of powerlessness and addiction. He’s not comparing his loss of overlord status to Angel’s horrible SA, he’s finding common ground and empathizing (the best way a Hellbound soul can). This song wasn’t a solution, it was a gateway to vulnerability and the beginning of change for both characters.

“We’re expected to just ship Huskerdust after Angel has done nothing but sexually harass and push Husk’s boundaries?” No. That’s absolutely the wrong reason to ship anything. While it’s true that in the first three episodes, Angel sees Husk as eye candy who might be able to distract him from his suffering, episode 4 brings a necessary shift in their dynamic. Angel is used to everyone around him wanting Angel Dust, the pornstar. But for the first time, someone doesn’t want that coveted persona, and he can’t comprehend this. Angel has no control over anything except the act he keeps up, so he clings to it as a false sense of power. It’s only after Husk tells him that he likes Angel for everything he is off camera that Angel starts to treat Husk with respect, which will pave the way for any future Huskerdust shipping.

You don’t have to agree with what I’ve written, and I absolutely don’t blame you if you’ve realized this show is not content you can comfortably consume, but please understand that depicting difficult material is not the same as glorifying or excusing it. This episode was hard for me too, because I care about Angel Dust, and I am so eager to watch his growth as the show continues. My heart goes out to anyone struggling from triggering this episode caused. I hope you’re able to safely navigate away from this show while respecting the viewers who continue to watch.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel discourse #hazbin hotel discussion #tw: sa #tw: abuse #tw: long post #spoilers #hazbin hotel spoilers

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slumber--parties · 1 year

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What I really can't wait to see in season 2 is how they will handle the dynamic between Louis and Claudia after they kill Lestat.

Right now they are both using him as a recipient and scapegoat for all their tensions and frustrations. Disclaimer: I of course think he has behaved horribly and deserves everything that they will throw at him. However, looking at Louis and Claudia's personalities and interactions, I find it interesting that - in their obvious love for each other - in a twisted way they still need Lestat to function together.

When Claudia first realizes the actual consequences of her vampirism, she gets mad at both Louis and Lestat. She later forgives Louis because she deems him more deserving of her love. But I think the reason she is able to do that is also that she has a place where to put all her hate and anger cleanly and without remorse: Lestat.

Louis, on the other hand, hates himself terribly and always has. I am not saying that Lestat's recent actions didn't contribute to his unhappiness, but it's pretty clear that he has been inching towards depression and suicidal thoughts since before his turning. The only way he has found for dealing with his current brand of self-hatred without consuming himself completely is to turn almost every negative thing he feels about himself onto Lestat. Everything ugly and twisted and wrong in his life becomes Lestat's fault. The more he hates himself, the more resentful and violent he becomes towards Lestat. I am not surprised that the writers decided to place Louis' decision to kill Lestat at the end of his depressive spiral. Of course in part he is killing him to actually get rid of him. But I think it's pretty clear that subconsciounsly he is also hoping to kill the part of himself he hates.

Moreover, both of Louis and Claudia feel a sense of anger and despair at being so lost in the world and so alone, so isolated. Their humanness stripped away and no one of their kind to understand, apart from Lestat. He is their maker and this makes him almost a stand-in parent figure in context. Both Louis and Claudia are in the youth of their vampiric lives. And when we are young and facing the world for the first time and finding ourselves unprepared, what do we do but blame our parents? We blame them for their failures - that's true - but also for not being able to be the omniscient, omnipotent force we once believed. We blame them for the shattering of every illusion of safety we ever felt.

Just to clarify again, I fully believe that a lot of the blame Lestat is shouldering is deserved and stems from his own actions. But precisely for this reason, he has also become a very easy way for Louis and Claudia to not confront each other and themselves.

So, where will this leave Louis and Claudia when they are alone? When they have no one to blame anymore for every single thing that goes wrong in the world and between the two of them? I am super excited to find out.

#interview with the vampire #interview with the vampire spoilers #iwtv #iwtv spoilers #and I also find it v neat that this ties in so cleanly #with the way Louis's mother does the same to him

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octoberwitchsblog · 9 months

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Idk, the way everyone fights for teams in the hotd fandom is peak example of the media literacy crisis for me. Everyone blaming everyone for loving their favs, people literaly bullying each other over fiction is the purest result of people consuming fiction like it's a football game and not a story with complex themes and subjects. It is fiction ; the fact that people absolutely need to have a strong opinion on it and shame others who don't think the same is so weird to me. Loving Daemon or Alicent or even Aegon doesn't make you a horrible person ; it's fucking fiction. Fiction was never meant to have a sense of moral righteousness to it, especially George R.R. Martin's stories. It's not all black and white ; they're all saints from a certain point of vue but from another, they're all deeply wretched and you should be celebrating such good writing instead of bullying everybody. You can like a fictional vilain for the sole reason that they're well written ; nobody should judge you for that. The things I've seen in here, people going around accusing others to be r*pe apologists because they like Aegon is CRAZY. I always think about how the showrunners were surprised to see people pick sides in such a fierce way because that is not what the show's about ; it's not a little fight between two sides the way you made it to be, it's literaly a family destroying itself and a whole ass continent with it. It's what happens when a destructive force such as dragons is put in the hands of the wrong people. You can claim to be team Black without bullying the shit out of team Green stans and same other way around. It is possible to want Rhaenyra on the throne without belittling other characters' traumas. You can hate a character without bullying the actor or those who love it. It is possible to like Aegon because he is written as the ultimate example of what abuse does to people, just like you can love and support Alicent while condemning the way she treats Rhaenyra after she gives birth. You have been gifted with an incredible show, that is also an incredible adaptation of a great book with magnificent actors and complex writing, and you would rather bully Olivia Cooke or other fans instead of appreciating the deep quality of it all and what it's really about. I am TIRED and I already know everyone's going to be fighting over this because you got so used to consuming low-quality and poorly written media that tells you immediately what to think about the characters, who's the bad guy and who's the good one that you can't see past it to reach the true meaning of a story.

#house of the dragon #hotd #game of thrones #alicent hightower #rhaenyra targaryen #daemon targaryen #aegon ii targaryen #media literacy #george rr martin #olivia cooke #team green #team black #asoif/got #asoiaf

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sapphire-weapon · 10 months

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Final thoughts on Death Island.

First, the less serious and sometimes shitpost/meme shit:

spent a not-insignificant amount of this movie distracted by Leon’s body hair, which is not a thing I ever thought I��d say, but sweet Jesus it’s about damn time

RIP Chris’s tiger shirt. that thing ripped easier than one of Hulk Hogan’s tank tops, man.

I get that she’s a BOW or whatever, but it’s never not going to blow my mind that this series gets away with its darling male protagonist (Leon) punching a woman in the face on screen

in fact, it’s kind of wild that Maria’s only purpose for being in this movie is to just hunt Leon for sport. like she’s literally ONLY there to beat his ass. what a fuckin queen.

I’m not saying that it’s canon that Leon and Jill had sex at some point, perhaps multiple times, between RE5 and Death Island. I’m just saying they were very, very chummy and hands-on with each other, and Chris was seemingly absent from Jill’s life for those six years, so.

actually, you know what. there’s a non-zero chance Leon has actually banged the entire recurring cast by this point. except maybe Rebecca. because she’s smarter than the other three.

Leon and Chris are the most married they have ever been, holy shit they are so fucking married

my reaction to Leon repeatedly saying the word “terrorist” in this movie probably should not have been “oooh say it again~” but it was because “this is no ritual. it’s terrorism” is still the single most ridiculous line that has ever come out of that man’s mouth, and I really felt the absence of it in RE4make, so I’m glad its spirit still lives on

Chris is looking old, dude. he’s beat the fuck up.

but so is Leon. when I wasn’t distracted by Leon’s body hair, I was distracted by the lines around his mouth. so, Chris has obvious wrinkles forming around his eyes, and Leon has them forming around his mouth. but the girls are all pristine. mhm.

OK SO IS INFINITE DARKNESS CANON OR NOT BECAUSE DEATH ISLAND REAFFIRMS DEGENERATION AS CANON, BUT ID AND DEGEN CAN’T EXIST IN THE SAME REALITY DON’T MAKE ME PULL OUT THE FUCKING CORKBOARD AGAIN

Now, the more serious actual commentary:

it’s a little nuts to me how I keep seeing people in fandom say that Leon has no hint of depression in this movie. when Dylan is verbally dragging them all while they’re slowly succumbing to the T-Virus, both Chris and Claire clap back with affirmations that they believe in what they’re doing and that they’re doing the right thing. Leon... doesn’t.

like, Dylan says to him basically “you're stuck in this horrible nightmare that keeps repeating because the people that you fight for put you through it on purpose because it serves their own ends, and it’s got you burnt out, but they just keep using you.” and Leon’s response is basically “I mean, you’re not wrong, but I don't exactly have a choice, so.”

he’s still stuck and trapped and resentful of his position, and he’s reached a point now where he’s just resigned himself to his fate. there’s very much a sense of inevitability about him, which is reinforced at the end when he tells Chris that this is just going to keep happening -- fuckers like Dylan are always going to keep coming back, because they always do.

the man shouldn’t have to be outwardly despairing and visibly drunk for people to pick up on his depressive mindset, but I guess I don’t know what I expected from this fandom.

Leon’s character was actually perfect in this movie. whoever wrote him this time around Gets It. he’s written the way that I write OG Leon and have been writing him for years. his humor-as-a-coping-mechanism is there without being obnoxious (which is where Damnation fucked up), his professionalism is there without being too serious (which is where Degeneration fucked up), his depressive mindset is there without fully consuming him (which is where Vendetta fucked up), and his latent anger at the state of things and at his life in general is there without feeling like it’s dysregulated (which is where Infinite Darkness fucked up).

so, for the anon who asked me what my favorite iteration of Leon is: the answer is Death Island. he is pitch perfect in this movie. straight up.

it did really catch my attention how the movie made it a point to call attention to Leon being burnt out. there’s just something about the way it happened that makes me feel like they’re setting up for Leon’s character to get retired in RE9. I don’t know why I think that, because it makes no sense from a business standpoint for him to be the first of the five to get retired, but. I dunno, man.

the only bit of weirdness in this movie was the whole Chris and Jill thing at the beginning that I already commented on. everything else in this movie was basically perfect. this is the best version of Claire we’ve seen since Code Veronica. like, hands down. Rebecca getting giddy and geeking out over beating the big monster with science could not have been more perfect. everything about Jill was excellent.

like, I have so few things to complain about re: this movie that I’m sitting here going “you know the mocap was kind of wonky in some spots” WHICH IS THE MOST ARBITRARY, NITPICKY SHIT EVER.

but like

I’m just going to throw this out there

but Dylan was super right.

he was so correct in a way that no RE villain has ever been correct ever in the history of this series. I kind of... spent some of this movie actually rooting for him. I was ready for him to kill the crew and wouldn’t have been mad about it if he did; I was like “fuck it, he’s right.” like, I was just sitting there like DRAG LEON AND CHRIS HARDER FOR LITERALLY BEING "THE MAN" DRAG THEIR ASSES FORCE THEM TO FEEL SHAME

in a lot of cases, a story is only as good as its villain, and Dylan being so right was a big part of the reason why this movie worked so well.

Wesker could never.

#resident evil death island #death island spoilers #mostly a #leon kennedy #post #but that's how i do

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fictive-culture · 10 months

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(Not fictive culture ask) What rant did ypu wanna go on about fictives from problematic sources? /genq

!!!!

Okay SO! When it comes to fictives problematic sources basically don't fucking matter. Like if someone is an avid harry potter fan yea that is shitty. However if someone has a harry potter introject and that is the only information you have you can not assume the same of them as you would a harry potter fan.

They could have been a fan when they were a kid and either introjected them then, or since the memory exists within them, they can't just forget everything about the source. The brain decided to introject them later. Even if they are non traumagenic you don't know how or when they got introjected and if they are still a fan of that source today.

By all means, if a source is triggering to you or makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to interact with them, but you can't make it their problem. Simply block them because unless you can easily see they are still a fan of and support the source, the only way to figure out how they got a fictive is to ask incredibly invasive questions and make people defend themselves by talking about their trauma or their past self which no one is entitled to.

Also, this isn't fictive specific, but liking a source doesn't even always automatically mean they're a horrible person. Jk bitch has irreversibly ruined her books but if the books were really important to someones childhood and they just talk about it amongst friends or keep a couple pieces of merch they bought before they learned she was awful to hold on to the good memories. They aren't a bad person? Burning or throwing their merch away isn't going to take the money back from her. If they don't support her and don't buy the merch, don't watch the movies they aren't really doing anything wrong. If you do throw your stuff out because it makes you uncomfortable, that's valid but if you put on a big show of it it's kind of just performative hating the show more than showing care and support for all the people she is against. Just don't be a clown and put your hogwarts house in your description, or people are gonna assume you support her.

People still read and enjoy the various stories by Lovecraft and he was awful. People still watch marvel movies when so much is wrong with various directors and actors.

For a lot but not all things you have to learn how to consume things critically, or you are going to end up being unable to watch anything because at least one person in it's creation was awful or at least one part was kind of problematic. And if it's all or nothing it's going to be so hard for you to tell apart good and bad people. There are probably moms out there that go to pride give out water bottles, free mom hugs and supports her queer kids to the moon and back but obsesses over hp and knits inspired blankets. She's not a bad person she's probably just confused and old.

I hope even like half of this makes sense and I just used HP since basically everyone knows what it is I thought it was neat for like half a year when I was 15

TLDR: Fictives ≠ supporting the source and they don't owe you how they formed. Problematic sources are 98% of the time not even worth 100% canceling you just need to learn to consume things critically.

#not fictive culture #even though i said people dont owe you their origins we like talking about ourselves so feel free to send our main asks if you want info on #any of our sources (main because id feel bad filling this blog with not related content)

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quicksilversg1rl · 1 year

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Hi, I'm the one who requested the new angst for reader taking care of kit walker

i know the similar story you're talking about (which I luv btw), but I actually had something different in mind... like I was imagining more of a reader sneaking into the infirmary or somewhere to take care of kit who is like sick or injured or got in trouble or things like that... basically she getting in a situation she was not supposed to in order to help kit, lol...

I'd really appreciate if you could manage to write something for it pls

Such An Idiot

Kit Walker x Fem Reader

Warnings: angst, sister jude being an asshole

You and Kit were both minding your business, playing a game of boring old chess in the common room; the two of you did this almost every day, using it as a way to pass the time and keep your minds busy, distracting yourselves from the reality in which you were in.

"I won, again. C'mon Kit, you're not even trying, are you?" You said as you smiled at the only good thing that came from this God forsaken place, your boy, Kit Walker.

"You're always winning suga'." Kit said as he let out a light laugh.

You laughed as well but your smile slowly faded as Sister Jude entered the room. Her face was always in a permanent frown, but she looked angrier than usual.

"Everybody up and in a line, NOW!" She said and soon everyone scrambled to their feet, forming a line in front of her. You and Kit quickly left your game of chess and made your way towards the line.

Once every patient was lined up, Sister Jude began walking up and down, giving each and every single one of you a sour look.

"I'm going to ask this once and only once, somebody was in the kitchen late last night when they weren't supposed to be and stole two freshly baked rolls; whoever it was, reveal yourself now and remember God is always watching so he knows everything."

A huge lump got caught in your throat, your hands were shaking, you were so sure no one would notice the missing rolls, but you were clearly wrong. All the colour had drained from your face and the panic had settled in; Kit could sense your nervousness from beside him.

Meanwhile, Sister Jude was scanning the line for any guilty faces, and you knew that once her eyes would land on yours, it would all be over for you. Kit knew this too, which is why he did what he did.

"I took em, can't blame me now can ya, Jude, you all don't feed anybody in here properly and you're surprise somebody's stealin' bread?"

Your eyes widened at Kit's false confession, your heart breaking at the thought of the punishment he would endure, Kit never followed the rules which always resulted in him getting punished and now he was going to get punished because of you. You felt horrible to say the least.

Before you could even try and object to his statement, two large guards hurled towards Kit and began dragging him towards Jude's office.

"Let this be a lesson to the rest of ya, do not ever think you can get away with stealing at this establishment or else you'll get punished accordingly, just like Mr. Walker will." Jude said as her eyes landed on you before leaving the room, everyone dispersing to their previous places.

You slowly made your way back to the chess table, guilt consuming you at the thought of what Kit was about to endure.

****

Time went on and you were all soon brought back to your holding cells, well all of you besides Kit. You began to worry, what was taking him so long. You had heard that he was in the infirmary but what could possibly be wrong that it would take this long.

You paced up and down in your cell, the only thing on your mind being Kit. You slowly thought up a plan to try and get to Kit, preparing tears in your eyes for the performance you were about to put on.

You began screaming at the top of your lungs, clutching your stomach and falling to the floor, no doubt alerting a guard nearby.

"What the hell you yapping on about?" The guard said as he peered in to look at you.

"My stomach hurts and it feels like I'm going to throw up or pass out, please I need to see the nurse." You said as you quickly pressed two of your fingers to the back of your throat, causing you to gag.

The guard pulled his face in disgust as he reached to open the door, dragging you towards the infirmary. He shoved you inside and alerted the nurse on your problem.

She gave him a curt nod as she helped you onto one of the beds, examining you to determine what the problem could be.

"Oh Jude's still giving out that expired food I see." She said, more to herself than to you.

"Alright, well, miss I'll go and get you the correct medicine you need so stay put." All you did was nod at her words, clutching your stomach and letting out a groan for dramatics.

As she closed the door behind her, you heard the lock clicking and you knew this was your chance.

You looked at the only other bed in the infirmary, a curtain surrounding it.

You slowly approached the bed and pulled at the curtain, your heart dropping as you saw Kit, his back covered in large gashes, probably from one of Sister Jude's many whips.

"Oh Kit.” You said as you neared him, your hand rubbing up and down his shoulder. He immediately recognized your voice and did his best to face you. He instantly smiled as his eyes landed on your figure.

"Kit what did she do to you?" You said as you brought your hands to his face, lightly stroking his cheek.

"Same old same old suga, although she did use a different whip this time." He said letting out a little chuckle.

"Oh Kit, why did you do that, you should've never taken the blame for me, look at you! I'm so sorry Kit, I really am, you didn't deserve any of that." You said as tears began rolling down your face, seeing Kit in pain was heart breaking to you, especially because it was all your fault.

"Hey now, don't cry doll, I'll be fine ya don't have to worry about me." He said as he reached up to wipe the tears from your face.

"But I do Kit, I have to worry about you, you're the only thing that keeps me waking up in this awful place and I can't bear to see you hurt, promise me you'll never take the blame for me ever again Kit."

"You know I can't do that baby, and there's no use in arguing with me suga and you know that." He said as he smiled, taking your hand in his and placing a kiss to your palm.

"God you're such an idiot Kit." You said as you looked down towards your lover.

"I'm your idiot though ain't I?" You laughed at his words, leaning down and placing a soft tender kiss on his lips.

Your lips, he loved them, oh so much. When you pulled away, he immediately pulled you back in, trying to savour the taste of you, pushing his lips back onto yours as his hands settled on the sides of your face.

"I love ya so, so much baby." He said against your lips, pressing a final peck to your swollen ones, causing a smile to spread across them.

"I love you too Kit." You said as you leaned your forehead against his, your eyes closing as you savored this moment between the two of you.

****

To the anon that requested this, I really hope this is somewhat close to what you meant lol.

Taglist: @v-love @laynna-mcknight @yes-divine-ruler @demxnicprxncess @hxney-lemcn @evanpetersfav @kitwalkersgfff

Let me know if you’d like to be added or removed to/from the taglist :)

#kit walker #kit walker smut #kit walker fics #kit walkerx reader #kit walker fanfiction #evan peters #evan #evan peters smut #evan peters fanfic #evan peters x reader #ahs asylum #kit walker fluff #kit walker angst #kit walker x reader #kit walker x y/n

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ryuichirou · 9 months

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Hi I just wanted to also throw in my support and let you know that I'm sorry you're dealing with people being horrible. Art is meant to be whatever you want it to be and just because you like something in fiction doesn't mean you like it in real life or are some monster indorsing literal crimes (That's why it's called FICTION). You have an amazing art style and a great sense of humor and even though there are some things I don't like that you make I know all I have to do is skip them. People need to understand the difference between participating in ways to limit real threats real threats (like refusing to consume media made by proven abusers and crinimals) and functionally conservative censorship (even if they don't want to admit that is what they are doing) just because they do not like something or it makes them uncomfortable (especially when that censorship many times comes with unsubstantiated accusations and literal death threats). I'm not one to have the mind set of 'back in my day things were better!' because no they weren't, but one thing my generation did do right was learn how to block and ignore things that they were uncomfortable with instead of deciding that the best route to take is literal cyber attacks (I hate calling it 'bullying' since that doesn't even cover half the horrible stuff I've seen people say and do) on people to the point of wanting them to kill themselves over literal fictional characters in art.

I AM AND ALWAYS WILL BE A FIRM SUPPORTER OF NON-CENSORSHIP! NO MATTER WHAT NAME FUNCTIONAL CONSERVATIVES CALL THEMSELVES.

I'm sorry this was a rant but please know that you do have people who support you and even if I don't like everything you do, ultimately your art isn't for me. It's for you, and no one has a right to tell you what you are and are not allowed to create. I hope that things get better. <3333

Thank you very much for your kind words of support. I always say that, but I mean it: it's super important to hear that there are people who understand where we're coming from and let us know about it and are willing to express their opinion. Your ask actually really cheered us up that day <3

You’ve made a lot of great points, and I agree with you wholeheartedly! An artist has their freedom to draw and post whatever they want, and the viewer has their freedom to look at it or block it and forget it. If you don’t like it or don’t get it, it’s not for you to get – it’s plain and simple like that.

And yes, there ARE ways to limit irl threats and problematic situations! There are groomers, a lot of them are in fandom spaces, but these folks are looking at the wrong people. And they know it damn well, their goal isn’t actually to bring justice or make someone feel safe: if that was the case, they would just have a list of tags to block and that would suffice nicely.

Also you’re right, things weren’t better back then, but people really did seem to mind their business and ignore/block stuff they don’t want to see more often. And even when artists/writers/people in general received shit from others, it was understood by everyone than people doing this stuff were just straight-up trolls whose entire goal was to mess with others. But nowadays people who harass, bully, threaten and send “kys” messages somehow try to make it seem like they are morally superior to their victims??? Which makes them even more closely resemble pro-censorship conservatives. Honestly, it’s stupid how similar these people sound to some of the 70 y.o. fools who run our country and the censorship laws they create. It’s like verbatim sometimes. Sorry, I digress.

Once again, thank you so much for your support <3 I hope you are having a great day.

#replies

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jamesphillimoresumbrella · 9 months

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So. Coming back from bringing my aunt to visit relatives in South Carolina, I had no milk in the fridge (on purpose because I hadn't wanted to leave anything behind that might spoil) and was in desperate need of coffee. And I need milk in my coffee.

I did, however, have tins of milk in the cupboard. But, owing to an unfortunate combination of circumstances in the terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad month of June, I had no can opener. My choice would have been evaporated milk, but it did not have the easy-open, pull-tab top. The condensed milk did.

I need milk in my coffee, but--and this was something of a surprise to me when I discovered that it could be done, coming from a place where 3-in-1 coffee sachets and instant coffee with spoonfuls of sugar is Just How It's Done*--I do not do sugar. However, when other people do condensed milk in coffee, it's delightful (witness barako condensada and Vietnamese coffee). And I thought to myself how bad can it be?

Answer: not bad at all, actually. It's...it's all right.

I say this in the tones of Arthur Shappey describing something as "all right" rather than "brilliant". I might have been better off bringing the coffee into work and grabbing a few little buckets of creamer from the break room (I know no moderation when it comes to milk in my coffee, and dread the day when my system finally goes "nope, you can't have dairy anymore").

So I had an open can of condensed milk that I didn't know how to use, and the next logical step was, of course, to see if I could make bread with it.

(This makes sense. To me, at least.)

I could. I found a recipe. I tried it. And it looked delightful.

"Looked" is the key word here.

I know where I went wrong. It was in trying to frantically multitask before I had to make myself get some sleep before going in to work and blindly trusting the directions instead of seeing how they adapted to the kitchen I'm not yet entirely used to. I ended up with an externally lovely loaf with an unsalvageable gooey interior maybe 2 slices in from the end.

Devastating,

So I ended up not just not having milk, but also not having a fresh loaf of bread. Not that I had a fresh loaf of bread to start with, but the absence of it was more keenly felt. (It was the potential of the fresh loaf of bread, you see.)

I did, however, have a very stale loaf from eons past in the fridge, which was in surprisingly good shape. The next logical thing then was to find a good recipe for bread pudding. Which I did. Because I am a rational human bean, and it made sense to me at the time.

The bread pudding turned out considerably better than the Tragedy of the Condensed Milk Loaf.

I'm still working on that--working on consuming that, I should say--but since I did eventually go and get the milk, I now have milk that I'm trying to use up (and a glass bottle with a $2 deposit that rather surprised me) so I am once again looking for recipes that aren't the one for the milk loaf that I usually fall back on. Because variety is the spice of life and I am in need of some low-key excitement.

This has been the long and bread-y ramble no one asked for.

*I would like to thank "The Hounds of Baskerville" and John Watson's "I don't take sugar" for this revelation. Mind was blown when I tried coffee that way and learned that sweetness wasn't compulsary.

#life; maybe talk to me about life #bread #things I bake

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twistedtummies2 · 11 months

Text

Stuffed (Post-Stuffing/Implied Vore)

This is just a super, Super, SUPER thirsty, rambling little mini-story (of sorts) I whipped up in about a half hour. It was actually inspired by me over-eating at a restaurant recently. Go figure. :P Enjoy, fellow weirdos. BE WARNED: THIS BE VERY, VERY KINKY BUSINESS.

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I belch deeply. The sound thunders through my innards, making something inside of me tremble. I can feel my guts squelch around something that used to be solid, mulching and pulping it further into a mushy paste that rests like the filling of a stress ball inside my belly. I groan, my face feeling warm and flushed. My cheeks must be mottled green and red, like some bizarre holiday experiment gone horribly wrong. The green would be because I. AM. SO. STUFFED. I can’t even move. I don’t WANT to move. My body is just…done. My belly roils and tosses, like the magma brewing in the bowels of an active volcano preparing to erupt. It takes every bit of personal effort I have to simply lift one shaky arm and slap my hand against my stomach. I bite my lip with a mixture of discomfort and pleasure as I feel my taut, stretched, pinkish skin ripple from the blow. The red in my cheeks is the thought of how proud I must make him. I find myself whimpering as I think of how he’ll react when he comes home…my stomach is just aching to be pampered, as well as just plain aching. I hope, almost pray, he’ll give it the attention my body is begging for. I curl my toes, imagining his feather-light fingertips…then imagining how they might change their method from soft, simple strokes and caresses to a full-blown massage. I think of those hands, those beautiful hands, pressing down into my gut…I imagine the way it will feel, sensing the food inside of me being further broken up. Feeling lumps of nourishing goop liquefy as he presses, prods, and fondles my burgeoning middle. I fidget, wondering if he might even decide to kiss my tummy…tell me how good a job I’ve done, eating up every little morsel he left for me to consume. I have to eat it all up. Because every bit of me is going to be part of him. That’s why I’m eating so much. It hurts…but it feels SO GOOD. Not only the sensation of intense, over-embiggened fullness that makes my insides creak and wobble like a battered old windmill machine…but knowing that the more I eat, and the bigger I get…the bigger HE will get to. My blush intensifies, momentarily chasing away the green in my proverbial gills. Maybe…maybe he’ll make it happen tonight. Maybe I’m finally too tempting for him to resist. My heart beats faster as my breath - already labored due to the weight inside my stomach, and the lethargy flowing through my bloodstream - intensifies its own rate and pace. I’m already imagining him drooling over me as he walks into the room, teasing me with how big I’m getting. He’ll probably say something like, “Are you trying to beat my record, little morsel?” or perhaps, “My, my, what have we here? A piece of stuffed pork?” I almost pout. Almost. He has a tendency to say such rude things when he sees me getting ready for my eventual date with his own belly…but I know he’s just being affectionate. There’s no lechery and no malice in those words, just playful teasing. It’s just his way. And I…I feel no real shame. After all, he’s MASSIVE compared to me, even at this point, and he never feels any shame at all. Not when he moans and belches and coos over the good little meal sitting in his stomach…not when he admires his ever-growing mass in the mirror, and murmurs sweet nothings to the tiny pieces of pudge that still remain semi-sentient inside his girth. Folds of blubber he lovingly tends to every day…or sometimes allows me to tend to, with the ever-present reminder I’ll be part of him, like all the others. The bigger I am, and the less ashamed of it I am, the more he praises me, and tells me how proud he is of me. And the happier he is, the happier I am…the BIGGER he is, the more filled with satisfaction I am. My stomach lurches and I groan, the green overriding the crimson once more. I don’t know how he STANDS eating so much, though…he makes it look so easy when he has someone kicking and squirming inside his stomach. He doesn’t seem to break a sweat while they slowly melt away, over days and days, inside his body. He doesn’t seem remotely bothered when the wiggles fade and there’s only him, nothing more. Just him. I whimper and whine, running my fingers over my compact underbelly. Even now, I know that if he were to swallow me, in this very moment…I wouldn’t make a dent in his giant, hulking body…and that only makes me want it so much more. I’ve seen the way he drools over me whenever I eat so much, and lay here, waiting for him to return and tell me if I did a good job. He always does, encouraging me and kissing my cheek, reminding me of how I’m going to give him So. Much. Gas. Burping in my face and teasing me when I belch as well from how bloated my stomach has become. Every day this sort of thing happens, he says some variation of the same thing: “It’s so hard to hold back. I’m so hungry just looking at you. Someday, soon, I’ll take you, and you will be mine. Mine forever. No more you. Only me.” I close my eyes, focusing on the bubbling in the lowest portion of my swollen stomach. As it settles, I feel my lips curl upwards. Something in there just slipped deeper into my intestines…I wonder how long it would take for me to end up in his, to any degree. Maybe I won’t have to wait long. I can hear the door opening and closing downstairs. Now I’m able to sense his footsteps…so heavy…like the footsteps of a giant. Of a God. He’s so BIG. And I’m just here to make him bigger. I’m so eager for when that happens. Please make it today. Please, tell me I’m irresistible. That you have to have me inside of you now. Please, swallow me. Make me more of you. Nothing will make me feel more fulfilled, even if the food you give me does, indeed, make me feel most full AND filled. As the door opens, I’m already imagining his hot, steaming maw, pulling itself wide open before me, for a kiss that will be deeper than any other, and completely without end. I’m already imagining his horrible yet beautiful breath and those sharp, pointed teeth tickling my skin. I’m helpless. I can’t move with this heavy cargo inside my belly. I hope that’s a sign that I’m ready to take the plunge. Am I his dinner, or must I wait longer, and be forced to eat another day so that he can be even more gorgeously humongous, all thanks to me? For me, it’s a win-win situation…but somehow, as I see those greedy, needy eyes peer at me from the doorway, I already know. I’m about to make him feel exactly the way I feel now. Completely. Totally. “UUUUUURRRRRRRRP!” Stuffed.

#kink fic #super thirsty stuff #pov #implied vore #post-stuffing #mini-story

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cultivatingyourfuture · 5 months

Note

after hearing the pitch on your main blog, and scrolling far enough to see the tags you were putting on some posts, i am very intrigued about the everything that is going on (especially with emily) so could i get a brief rundown of the everything pls n thanks you

i spent forever trying to figure out how to tell a "brief" version of this story and this is how i settled on doing it. keep in mind this is the brief version and if you want in depth explanations/analysis on specific parts of the story i IMPLORE you to ask me about it because there is just no way for me to say everything i want to here and I STILL had to omit some details for brevitys sake. ok

content warnings: death. physical abuse. emotional abuse. verbal abuse. violence. implications of sexism. implications of misogyny. body horror. child death. child endangerment. talk of drug addiction. talk of alcoholism. obsession. stalking. kidnapping.

two fucked up siblings [paige jensen, pierre jensen] make a company (regrowth) and make cyborgs about it. first one they make runs away but the data they're still getting from it reveals their tech works like.. extraordinarily well with plant life? they build a tech empire off of this idea. they continue making cyborgs as well but the brother has so much guilt about the first go round he refuses any part in it (but still allows it to happen. his sister is the only reason he has any semblance of power, after all.) the sister continues running new experiments regarding combat and medicine and anti-aging and etc etc with her technology on a variety of subjects-- some willing, some unwilling, some already dead before they could say something either way. notable cases include toni finnigan, a terminally ill woman who engages with the project as a last resort and considers herself indebted to the siblings as a result; neil marshall, a young boy who accidentally saw the siblings first attempt to procure that first subject which went horribly ary and got the wrong guy (who was neils father); emily jyung, the scientist overseeing much of the cyborg testing at paiges discretion who decides she can't live with what she's done and seen and submits herself to the process in order to find atonement; holly pendleton, a girl who signed up for a very simple consumer test, took a wrong turn, and found paige jensen elbow deep in some poor guys chest cavity; and vallen rosamel, an addict and thief who makes the great decision of trying to hit on pierre jensen on absolutely the wrong night. pierres inferiority complex keeps him where he is in his position of power even though the weight of the cyborg project and his involvement is slowly crushing him and paiges fear of failure has her spending more and more time on it in a desperate attempt to make something of herself since pierre (charismatic. likeable. dude) gets all the credit for her (brash. awkward. woman) innovations.

meanwhile in like........ summer 2000 that first runaway cyborg falls into the backyard of this scientist with a really bad caretaker complex named francesca (i never call her francesca/frankie tbh i call her fizzle) who sees this thing with cracked glowing eyes and vines crawling out of its arms and goes oh. okay. and takes it in and starts fixing it up-- culling the plant that's affixed itself to this person's core and repairing the technology and finally fitting a voicebox onto it because it can't speak. this person(?) then relays that it has no idea who it is or where they came from, just that there were two people and this impending sense that they needed to leave, now. because of their lack of memories, they decide on a new name for them and they choosd Cherry, after the type of plant thats now in their systems. cherry uses he/she/they pronouns because fizzle (trans woman) asks him about it and she's like Oh. Um. Good question. Let's... find out? and so they use all pronouns and then never change that because those work well enough.

cherry adjusts well enough but they're really frustrated with their lack of memories because they don't even know if they consented to the process or not, they don't know if they had a family, they don't know what they left behind and what's waiting for them or who's looking (side note-- the only thing that feels any bit of familar are songs. something something foreshadowing something something playlist thats a work in progress). it doesn't help that the time they spent between escaping and coming across fizzle consisted of a lot of people being terrified of them and looking to hurt them (one guy literally shoots them like?? two days before they find fizzle????) so she's got this crushing sense that she's missing a fundamental part of herself that makes her able to be """human"""-- or, at least, accepted by humans. and she decides that whatever that is was probably lost along with her memories. so that really bothers them.

anyways a good bit of time passes and then they start picking up this high pitched frequency and fizzle can't fix it nor figure out the source of it so cherry just has to deal with Robot Tinnitus for a little bit. but they figure out that the frequency changes depending on how far / close they get to... whatever the hell the source is. so they wait till dark and they go out and Follow It, and it lands them at this dingy little nightclub juuust in time to watch someone stagger into the alleyway holding their head like they're in pain. or maybe hearing something very very loud. so cherry slowly approaches as the frequency gets louder and louder and more painful and boop! connection found.

the person she's founds name is vallen rosamel and shit has been WEIRD for him as of late. his hair started growing in a different color about four months ago the plants do that just roll with it, all of the substances he was taking just quit working one day, and theyre having longer and longer gaps in their memory every day. and now there's this SCREAMING in their EARS and oh my god. who the fuck are YOU. so after a lot of confusion and a lot of gentle explaining they figure out that vallens the same thing cherry is. which begs a LOT of fucking questions like What's up with that frequency. Who is making them. How is he just out and about. which are all very very important questions but cherry is so excited to FINALLY FIND SOMEONE LIKE THEM that they forget that for a little bit lmao. but cherry convinces vallen to let their friend do a couple of tests (which are very limited. bc the kind of plant vallens got is a citrus fruit and fizzle has a citrus allergy lmao) and what they figure out is that while cherrys got... like... a fourth of a human brain and LED eyes and cybernetic legs and a cybernetic arm and no digestive system and oh yeah NO MEMORIES, vallens got like. some brain, eye, and digestive modifications. and that's about it. the only thing he can't remember are those aforementioned memory gaps as well as however they came about being a cyborg too. sorry cherry but you haven't exactly found someone like you :( and vallen is like okay I want nothing to do with this. no ones gonna fuckin believe me so i may as well just try to live my life the way i have been (spoilers: that life's not good!) and cherry kind of talks to him for a bit. says she understands how confusing and frustrating it all is. but is also like Man you are my ONE HOPE of figuring out what happened to me can you even just CONSIDER sticking around just long enough for me to know you can't tell me anything new. and vallens like ff. fine. anyways that turns into 1 to three years I haven't decided yet. vallen and cherry (and fizzle) are kind of gay about it. it's fine don't worry about that.

anyways eventually Shit Goes Down. vallen gets activated by some other force, stops responding whatsoever, knocks cherry the fuck out and takes fizzle down too when she tries to stop them. all three of them end up in regrowth. uh oh.

cherry gets confronted by paige who has this whole speech but the basics of it are:

-she purposefully sent vallen out into the world in an attempt to find cherry. was going to just kill them originally but decided to let them linger in case she could ever Use Them for her own purposes and apparently that time has come

-never took direct control of vallen-- any connections they've made with him are more than likely genuine because paige can't handle social manipulation like her brother can-- but she was certainly keeping tabs and certainly knows a couple of things even if she doesn't say it directly (like the fact she's calling cherry 'cherry' and not. whatever his name was before. hm.)

-apparently paige has discovered some shit about pierre that 1. she thinks will DEFINITELY bring cherry onto her side and 2. has made her decide that pierre has to go NOW

-"you can either help me or ill just kill you/wipe your memories and return you to testing" and "you can either get revenge on one of us or lose to both of us" as her main points

cherry is having none of this. breaks the fuck out of her containment and runs rampant through the facility, breaking shit, knocking people out, runs into pierre at one point who just stares at her and calls him a name that........... isnt "Cherry" before she just sprints the hell away, up until he 1. locks himself in an old lab, 2. modifies her cybernetic arm by hand to attach a blaster weapon onto it (painful), and 3. escapes into a vent and finds himself in all the backparts of the facility. ends up seeing more cyborgs during testing and is like Holy shit how many people have they done this to. these people need to go home.

keeping this part brief bc the rest of this will also.... not be. I promise I'm telling the brief version here. cherry finds vallen (has to fight him. doesn't want to. does it anyway.) and gets him out of paiges control via dropping a fucking light fixture on him and shortcircuting him a bit. they find fizzle. they go from the lower parts of the facility where the projects been held up to the company building bc they figure out the servers are there and if Cherry can get into those she can find the other bots' memories (and hopefully enough info to incriminate regrowth?), free those, and get them out of there. they get up there and the buildings been evacuated which makes finding the servers much easier. cherry parses the information and also figures out her memories aren't there + her file is mostly redacted. but theres that name again! the one pierre called him!! and if the memories aren't there then. where are they.

sorry no time to dwell on that bc more cyborgs attack! cherry, fizzle, vallen get them their memories back which overwrites their protocols. good news; thats all the active cyborgs left in the building (gonna give u names right quick-- holly (foxglove), mara (hellebore), enzo (chestnut) ) cherry is like we gotta find you guys an exit. as they do so cherry comes across pierres office and is like......... hey. yall go ahead. i need to. check something. fizzle and vallen are like 🤨 but they're like okay. please be careful. and they Go.

this is the part of the story where I advise you to look at the content warnings up above very carefully

so cherry goes into pierres office and starts rummaging around, looking under placemats and taking apart photo frames n stuff, looking to the password to his computer. she finds some stuff-- other passwords, checks, an image of a girl?, but eventually she just says "fuck it," plugs into it, breaks through the password screen, looks through the files and THATS where she finds her memories. finally. after all this time.

so cherry hides under the desk and downloads all of it. all at once. don't worry about that too much right now but this is a disorienting, horrifying experience for cherry to say the least. and as if the memories themselves aren't bad enough cherry is like... why did he know that name but paige didn't. why were they on his computer. why... was a picture of me... behind one of the photo frames.... on his desk .......

and then the door creaks. and pierre sees them. and explains his side of things. we'll revisit that in a bit. so cherry is horrified and is very much ready to murder pierre. and she, uh. does. she chases him down the hall (because of course he runs. of course.), points her blaster at his head, and fires. she just kills him.

and then, because he's still pissed and terrified, he goes to find paige. paige deploys another cyborg (kudzu; dead body that paige essentially pilots and therefore not considered an "active" cyborg). cherry kills that too (lot easier when youre not trying to keep them alive). cherry finds paige. they talk. they fight. beat the shit out of each other. cherry aims and is ready to kill but realizes that's what paige wants. says she'd rather her be alive for every moment people realize what she's done. lets her go. paige watches him walk away, then gathers juuust enough strength to enter a few more commands into her main console, then collapses.

cherry, while trying to leave the building, is then confronted by a previously "retired" (see: shut down and locked up for years) cyborg, neil (lemon). cherry is horrified to see him-- so horrified, in fact, that she doesn't do anything when he approaches and impales her through the stomach with a blade built into his arms. she drops, and he walks away.

cherry then crawls her way back to the regrowth server room, plugs herself into the system, and uploads her consciousness in a last desperate bid to stay alive. they are found by fizzle and vallen later. reporters and police swarm the building, and they retrieve lemon, having found him curled up in an alcove in the wall of the main trial area for the cyborg project. paige jensen is arrested, cherrys body is retrieved to be repaired by fizzle, and regrowth is no more.

... so. ok. let's take several steps back and fill in some gaps here.

eveline ethel woode grew up in the same town paige and pierre jensen moved to when pierre was about 2 and paige was 10. daughter of a textile ceo and an ex movie starlet, she was very much under her parents thumb. her mother blamed eveline for ruining her career, since she wouldn't have had to have left the business had she never gotten pregnant, and her father's anger at the most likely heir to his company being a woman combined with his own alcoholism led to a lot of physical abuse that left eveline with a permanent limp and a broken nose. this treatment broke eveline woode to her very core. which went almost entirely unnoticed (or at least uncared for) by everyone except for one pierre jensen. because pierre-- pierre was not only perceptive (how else are you going to figure out what makes people like you?), but he was going through something similar to eveline. do you know how comforting that can be, to know you're not the only one? to see someone suffering the same way you are? neither of them deserved that. neither of them deserved to be alone in this. pierre, slowly, fixates on the idea of getting eveline out of her situation-- on saving them both. and maybe, just maybe, he'd finally find someone he wouldn't have to pretend for anymore. maybe he'd finally have a solution to how fucking alone he was, maybe he'd,

and then eveline Leaves. at the age of 16, she pulls the strings to get herself a cheap little rented home for the next year in a town far the hell away that has enough of a reputation of being where no one wants to go, and she leaves. and this... isnt how things were supposed to go for pierre. she was supposed to leave with him. she was supposed to be HIS escape, not her own. this isn't the way things were supposed to go, just who the hell does she think she is, taking his ONE CHANCE of happiness away? it's like she doesn't even care what--

eveline woode lands in a foggy little town in georgia and things are okay. she always loved flowers, and there's enough actual air in the sky here to let them grow. she's as alone and isolated as she's always been, and that emptiness never quite goes away, but at least she's safe now.

anyways, whatever funds she was able to scramble together from her parents isnt going to last forever, so she picks up some odd jobs and through that ends up meeting this guy named scott. scott is a father of two and he's been through some similar shit to eveline so he Notices The Behaviors (and she's about the same age as his daughter which makes him worry about her MORE) (also Why is a seventeen year old living on her own in this shitty town thats worrisome on its own) and slowly eveline starts to become a good family friend of theirs. she babysits his son, housesits, shes invited to things-- anything to make her feel welcomed and loved. which is... not anything eveline is used to. she tries to not think about it, considers it as just doing her job and doing what's right but like. she loves the marshalls. and they consider her as much of family as they can. mason, scotts daughter, fills her in on pop culture and his wife gives her gardening and baking tips and he shows her music he loves from his record collection (and she starts a small one of her own, too!) and theyre Happy. eveline woode is happy.

anyways meanwhile paige jensen is relaying to her brother about her New Ideas for cybernetically enhanced people and how hard it's going to be to find a volunteer willing or otherwise and pierres like ".... otherwise??" and paige is like Oh. I mean. we couldn't do that. i mean, it'd have to be somebody NO ONE cared about that NO ONE ever notices that has NO CONNECTIONS and NO and pierre sees an Opportunity here. and he suggests a target. because she can't be doing that well for herself anyways, right? not without him there. paige has already perfected memory transfers; all he'd have to do is modify them a little and then everything would be the way it was supposed to be. maybe it's a little grotesque, maybe it's immoral, maybe it's too far, but it'd be worth it in the long run. it'd be fine. it'd be fine. it'd be f

pierre finds eveline, follows her for a few weeks, figures out a path she takes at a certain time in the night that's just secluded enough for him to grab her and leave (besides. bad town. lotsa police reports go unchecked. this Can't Go Wrong)

it goes wrong. someone rounds the corner and pierre goes to hit them over the head and realizes it's a man. but the guy gets spooked and falls ass backwards and impales himself on a fence which was NOTTHEFUCKINGPLANHOLYSHIT. and to make matters worse, the guys son rounds the corner too and at 12 years old neil marshall watches his father scott die and gets a good look at pierre jensens face in the process.

so. scott dies. eveline thinks of it as some divine punishment for anything good happening to her. returns to her self isolating ways. the marshalls never see her again. December 18th 1999 pierre jensen goes to her home directly, knocks her out, and drags her away. it's not until december 24th that anyone realizes she's gone and by then there's not many leads besides some missing items, a broken window in the door, and her own blood.

so when subject 0 runs away and pierre is also faced with an ultimatum of kill a 12 year old or submit him to the same fate as his sister that's kind of when he realizes that umm. uh. maybe this was a bad idea actually. because the ONE THING he was in it for is gone and, as far as he knows, dead. but his face is on magazines and he's catapulted into popularity and he has a company to run, doesn't he? and after so long of feeling powerless, of feeling like nothing, can he really bear to give that power up?

so. additional things. neil marshall gets his memories back and ends up spending a lot of time waiting for cherry to get repaired and wake up because he needs to tell eveline he's sorry and that he misses her and also that he's sorry. fizzle and vallen kind of get the fill about eveline from neil bc the poor kids gotta talk through this shit good god. cherry gets repaired and is functional, hypothetically, but she still doesn't wake up.

so from the database he's still in, cherry is the one sending out information about the story. there's this desperation to understand why they're here and how things ended up like this and to make people know what happened to them. what happened to eveline. because cherry has lived their own life with their own experiences that have shaped her own ideologies and attitudes and shes.... not.... eveline. not anymore, anyway. and this crushes them in so many ways because things were getting so much better for eveline for such a long while there and SHES the one who deserves the friends and the family and the revenge and the peace of mind but she DOESNT GET IT. she'll never get it, because cherrys the one who gets it. because eveline woode died on december 18th 1999 and cherry is what has grown through the gaps like an infection and how much of her is even left there, really? something something commentary about haunting the narrative and being considered less of a character and more as a motivation when you always deserved better from the narrative you were stuck into.

anyways. cherry does eventually get back into their body, reconciles with the fact that eveline is not her humanity and that maybe he never was human and that's okay because it's him and that's all that matters, continues to have turmoil about it but it's. fine. rough reconciliation with the marshalls because he's not eveline but they deserve to see eveline alive again so here he is. cherry pushes on and values the life he has and can only hope that that can in some way grant evelines memory peace.

anyways cherry would be 43 years old today and i think he owns a record/head shop and still goes to therapy once a week send fucking tweet

#AUGH. ok.#sorrhy i didnt get a lot of emily in there she kind of. deserves her own post. hope this answers your question! 👍#asks #rosanqro #story tag #meta tag #horror tag #um. things i forgor #pierre doesnt modify evies memories out of guilt but still keeps them bc hes a freak #vallen is an exception to pierres 'i want no part in this' thing bc he was a spur of the moment decision made after a pretty-#bad fucking fight between him and paige so. vallen was. an apology specimen. which should tell you everything you need to know-#about paige and pierres dynamic #cherrys last name is shears because he only has songs to go off of and shears is taken from Sgt. Peppers / With A Little Help by tha beaduls #neils sisters name is mason his moms names amy. evies parents names are warren and ethyl. i have never named the jensens parent(s)#vallen has csb / hypersexuality disorder because some Shit Happened To Him which led them down the path theyre on #vallen uses he/they. eveline dies at 19 and cherrys either 27 or 29 when they storm regrowth (vallens three years younger than them.#they met in their mid twenties. chill)#pierre and evie/cherry are the same age (evie born in late 80 pierre in early 81)#emily is their most senior employee who was literally their very first hire ever #cherrys blaster arm can turn back to a normal arm at will + their right arm is exposed cybernetics while their left arm is completely human #cherrys also got exposed cybernetics on their left calf but its basically just a prosthetic that isnt supposed to come off #neil is taken in at 13 and then around the time hes 15 hes shut down and put up and just Stays Like That for 5+ years #so the last time he saw evie she was 19 and when he meets cherry theyre about 29. to give you an idea of how jarring this all is for it

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ciaossu-imagines · 21 days

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to be honest rhe "choose violence" asks are all compelling! I can not pick one soooo

just pick which you would like to answer! I would love to hear your thoughts on all of it but I want you to decide how much you can and want go answer

Okay, but thank you so much for wanting to hear my thoughts on these and for giving me the freedom to decide which I felt comfortable chatting about. Since no particular fandom was requested, I did just kind of general fandom answers and hope that my answers amuse, cause some thinking, or at least don’t piss off people too much!

The character everyone gets wrong

Honestly, I live and die by the thought that everyone has the right to interpret a canon character however they wish. They’re not hurting anyone, viewing the character differently or even completely opposite to how they’re written in canon. No matter how OOC I think their portrayal of the character is, I don’t think it’s any of my business, as long as they’re having fun. I say this but…there’s one minor exception and it comes back to my days in the Harry Potter fandom. I have seen so many excuses made for Severus Snape, so many rewrites of him as this tragic heroic character, the paragon of knowing what it is to love truly and deeply. Nah, my dudes. Snape was a racist sad sack incel who felt entitled to Lily’s love and called her slurs when she didn’t return it. Having a bad past, being bullied? That’s no excuse for him literally not caring if this chick’s husband and child died, as long as he could have his shot with her. That’s no excuse for him literally joining what was basically magical KKK. That’s no excuse for him growing up to become such a huge bully towards literal children that one of his students literally had him as their greatest fear. Tragic hero my ass. The man wasn’t fully evil and he did do good, in the end. But he wasn’t such things of myths and legends and he can exist as both a horrible person and as someone who did good things.

Screenshot or description of the worst take you’ve seen on tumblr

I really do hate just the recent trend in fandom of not interacting. I don’t just mean that people have stopped interacting with posts and with artists and writers, though that is most definitely true and it’s incredibly frustrating to see. I mean it in a larger sense than that. Going from what fandom was back then to what fandom is now, I really do feel like overall, there’s less interaction between fans. I don’t even know how to explain it but I remember how easy it used to be make fandom friends. There were super active Discord servers, yeah, but even before that, you’d make friends commenting on people’s fics or through writing fics on ff.net. There were active writer’s groups for fan writers where you’d get to talk to people, both about writing fics and fandom in general. There were lots of rp boards. You’d get interaction just making fandom-centric music mixes. You’d get lots of interaction hosting a blog like mine. No matter how introverted you were, you could always find a safe place and friends in fandom. But it feels more and more like it’s hard to find any of those things now. It feels like somewhere along the way, fandom became almost commercialized and now it’s consume this thing, move on. Put out this thing that takes hours of your time for a handful of likes and be grateful for that because you’re only supposed to create for the simple joy of creation (which yes, creating fandom stuff should be fun, but if it was only ever done for the reason of enjoyment, there’s really no reason to share it – people generally share fandom stuff because they’re excited to share it with fellow fans, they’re looking for that interaction and that feedback and for other people to be excited with them) and then move on. It feels like it takes a shit-ton more time and energy now to find those fandom spaces to meet people and make friends in and it’s just not a trend that I’m really the biggest fan of, though this is, of course, just my view and perception of things and maybe I’m wrong.

What was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

People can be rude and mean to me all they want, but being mean or rude towards any of my friends or readers? Instant block from this particular blog. Stealing work also earns you an instant block. On my personal blog, just being ignorant towards people will make me pre-emptively block you, even if we’ve never interacted. I figure if people are that comfortable using this platform to hate, then they’re probably not people I’m ever going to want interacting with me or my art.

Common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Characters do not have to be rewritten so that they’ve never done anything bad, excuses don’t need to be made wildly to excuse every bad thing they’ve done, they don’t need to be rewritten to be perfect – always doing the right thing, communicating so healthily and with proper therapeutic terms to the point you have to wonder when this character went through extensive therapy, super strong mentally and emotionally but still able to be vulnerable, no flaws besides a few superficial ones that everyone easily forgives except for those bad guys to be interesting and ‘good’. Characters can and should be flawed, characters can and should make mistakes and do the wrong thing every now and then. Writing a character who isn’t universally loved and right and good, writing a character who does horrible things or has views that aren’t kosher – none of those things make the character OR ESPECIALLY THE WRITER a bad person. Writing a character with not-so-great views doesn’t mean the writer holds those views. Basically, be able to separate the writer and the character and know that it’s okay for characters to be well…human. To mess up or be massively unhealthy and to still like them despite that. I hate washing down of a character to sanitize them, I really, really do, both in canon characters and OC’s because it just makes them feel flat to me, and I’m really sorry to anyone whom that offends.

Worst part of canon

I completely understand, as a writer, that it’s almost impossible to fully explore every character in your work, to delve into all their backstories and to give them all their days in the spotlight. That’s the worst part of any canon work to me – there’s never enough space and time in a properly done story for us to really get to know all the characters and because of that, there’s always going to be at least one or two characters who remain forever flat and unloved, despite how interesting they look and seem. Thankfully, that’s what fanfiction is for and I’ve often found fics for these characters that really endear me to them and shape how I view them.

Worst part of fanon

You guys all know how I’m going to answer this. You guys all have heard me rant and rave about this a million times – it’s the tendency of fandom to prioritize and make only romantic relationships important. Two characters can’t have a meaningful relationship and bond without secretly wanting to fuck, or so some parts of fandom would have you believe. Two characters can’t be just close friends without secretly wanting to date each other. It completely disregards how important platonic bonds are, how much familial relationships shape us, how strong a bond hatred towards another person can forge, how much we rely on co-worker relationships, on student/teacher relationships, how literally important relationships of all kinds and shapes are. It also kind of erases the existence of aromantic people and characters. Some people are just generally not interested in romance in any sort of way, and they deserve to find plenty in fandom to latch onto just as much as people who love romance do. I am not saying romantic relationships are bad and should be stopped when it comes to fandom stuff. Go ahead, ship, fill your boots, as long as you’re respectful about it of course. Tell me all the fluff and cute things about these relationships. Fine. But I firmly believe that other types of relationships should be more loudly explored in fandom as well, without people automatically taking that discussion and turning it into an automatic ‘well, yeah, that’s because they’re in love with each other, duh?’

Worst blorboficiation

Okay, I’m not answering this one so much as I’m admitting to be an old fuddy-duddy. Leaning on a cane, shooing people off my yard, and grumbling about the new-fangled fancy speech. In other words, I don’t know what this word means, please someone explain it??

That one thing you see in fanart all the time

I will say this plain and clear and take any harsh feedback on this. If you’re only using AI to create ‘fan art’, you’re not an artist and you’re using a tool created through theft of artist’s actual hard work. I see AI art more and more frequently and it vaguely pisses me off every time.

You can’t understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc.)

I really don’t see the appeal of romanticized yandere or of the A/B/O trope, but that’s just me. I ask that people don’t share things along those lines with me and as long as those boundaries are respected, other people can fill their boots with those tropes and enjoy because people are allowed to like things I don’t really get!

You’re mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like…

NOTHING. Repeat with me – cringe culture is dead. I am allowed to like any and everything I like without having to worry about whether it’s ‘cool’. Cool is a social construct that is perpetually changing and feeling guilt or shame because you enjoy something that other people are telling you is wrong to enjoy is a waste of your time and mental energy. Don’t buy into that – enjoy what you enjoy! Talk about it, create for it, let it live in your head and let it make you happy.

Topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

Sorry, not sorry, but it’s shipping. I’d say about 80-90% of fanwank and fandom arguments and drama and fights in fandom boil down to ‘I don’t like what they ship/they ship something different from me/they ship the character I love with themselves and that pisses me off/they’re shipping the wrong way wah wah wah’. Honestly guys, it’s a large part of why I don’t really ship. I mean, growing up in early aughts fandom that 80-90% was 95-99% of fandom wank, since I grew up in the days of Ichigo/Rukia or Ichigo/Orihime and Sakura in the Naruto scene and whether she belonged with Naruto or Sasuke or whether she belonged dead because she was standing in the way of the boys being together and what do you mean, you ship with an OC? And that OC? They’re trash and mary-sue and you’re dumb for making them, especially shipping them with my fave character and after living through all that wank and drama, I just can’t really find it in me to want to ship outside of just shipping all my friend’s OC/self-inserts with their respective fictional others. There’s much less wank when you’re just supporting friend’s ships and getting into them and when there is, I can easily be like ‘I ship it because you see that character there? My friend made that gorgeous beast. Do you not have eyes, Susan? Can you not see how wonderful that character and ship is? No? Go see the fucking optometrist then.”

Common fandom complaint that you’re sick of hearing

Okay, I know the KHR fandom will tear me apart on this one and I sort of apologize in advance. But honestly guys…I want it as much as the next person, since the anime was nowhere near what the manga deserved, but we’re never going to get a reboot. I mean, it’s been 14 years since the anime ended. God, do I feel old typing that out. I do think the best we can hope for at the moment is really just a good English dub, hopefully a full one, that will revitalize the fandom a bit and maybe a couple small one-shot manga’s or spin-offs for other media.

#admin chatter #unpopular opinions #being salty #oops I answered a wrong ask #this is the right one though haha

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