#but for ocd I know quite little and I've only been told by one or two people- so. I'm holding off on that. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

elliottlee23 · 1 month

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{♤Here's a lil about me for anyone curious♤}

♡My name is Elliott Lee!♡

I struggle with alot but here are a list of some

{ ocd } { ptsd } { bpd }

{ generalized anxiety disorder / GAD for short }

{ Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome / POTS for short }

{Ehlers-Danlos syndrome}

{ Here are also some of my interests! }

{I'm a artist I may post some more of my art on here in the future just let me know if you wanna see thatt}

I crochet a bit and a lil bit of knitting but I suck

I make alot of stuff out of clay

Jewelry, figures, mini stuff etc

And I do origami some times

I love games here's what I'm playing currently:

:VrChat: :Stardew: :minecraft: :sims4: :breathe of the wild(again): :tears of the kingdom:

And if you have any suggestions please leave them because I always need more games

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¿Tw? Some stuff I talk about next might be a lil upsetting so beware<3

I've been selfh@rming sense I was 5 it started with hitting myself or thing now its cntting, bnrning, drinking, smoking, not eating, ect

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I've had a problem with food from a very young age also around 5-7 I always had to finish my food no matter what and I had to eat it no matter what it was if I didn't I'd stay at the kitchen table for hours and I'd get yelled at and told I was spoiled rotten and selfish and all that good shit

And I always was the "chubby kid" so if ykyk I got picked on about my weight some but I was always the hardest on myself then anyone else was.

My ed got bad when I was 9-10 that's when I started keeping track of what I ate when I ate how much I was eating I had books and books of my ed logs I used to eat around 800 kals a day and stop eating at 9am I was still just a kid and its really sucky going back and reading all that

I'm 17 now my ed it the worst it's ever gotten but I'm not underweight so to me it doesn't feel that bad it could be worse I'm trying to lose weight still but I have a boyfriend now and when I tell you hes the bestest thing to have ever happened to me I swear on my life hes everything you could ever want in a partner and I'm so scared of fucking this up because of this stupid eating disorder. So at the same time I'm trying to get worse and better what a war to fight huh?

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I surprised I'm even here to be honest no one but my partner knows this but I've had quite a few attempts my last one was the worst dec 14th 2022 I dont think I'll ever fully recover from it and to this day no one knows even tho I was in a house full of people it would break my parents heart I dont think they could handle knowing I might not even tell them one day but who knows right?

Not much else to say but now you know a little more about me maybe we can be friends or maybe this can be some message on the internet you remember for days to come a reminder that it's not always worth it. Doing all this to yourself but it's your life dont live it in mind of other people their thoughts. Opinions. Their choices. Because you only get one body for this life time use it wisely or waste away completely I wont stop you

but what ever you choose know some day somewhere out there, it does. Get better.

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[AS]

#Spotify

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the-ghost-king · 3 years

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Schizophrenic Nico, here's why I think it's possible:

I want to start off by saying these are just my thoughts, there is no one way to be schizophrenic or to have schizophrenia. It's also important to note that many of the schizophrenic symptoms overlap with other mental illnesses/nuerodivergences like ADHD, Autism, Depression, and OCD which I know many people who head canon Nico as having. I'm not arguing schizophrenic Nico is more correct, more canon, or more right, but to explain some thoughts on why I think it's possible/very likely he does so I can use this for future reference in various thing.

I am using the term schizophrenia as a catchall for all "types" of schizophrenia, but not for schizoaffective disorder which I would say Nico probably doesn't have.

Children born in the winter/those who were "sickly" as babies are more likely to develop schizophrenia. It may also be possible if your mother was sick while pregnant with you, or having a father who was significantly older when he had you.

A stressful life, especially trauma, are more likely to develop schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. It likely has something to do with excessive dopamine production, but it may also have something to do with the same genes that control the sleep-wake cycle. Schizophrenia is more common with other mental illnesses or with other nuerodivergences or developmental delays.

Common symptoms include:

Hallucinations

Delusions

Disorganized thinking

lack of motivation

slow movement

change in sleep patterns

poor grooming or hygiene

changes in body language and emotions

less interest in social activities

Now what does this mean for Nico, and why do I think it's likely he has Schizophrenia?

Let's start with Nico's childhood, "children born in the winter/those who were "sickly" as babies are more likely to develop schizophrenia". Although Rick proposed two birthdays for Nico, the fandom generally accepted the January date more fully. We also know that Nico is described as small when he was younger, smallness is common in children who grow up sickly, but it is also common in children who's mother was ill while pregnant with them. We obviously don't know if Nico was sick as a kid, or if Maria was sick while pregnant with him, but again being born in the winter makes these things more likely, as well as consideration for the time period Nico grew up in and the larger variety of illnesses going around at the time. (He is vaccinated against some things though).

Trauma and Nico... do I really have to go into super detail on this one? He spent his childhood growing up in a fascist country that was extremely racist/anti-Semitic/homophobic/etc, his mom died when he was a child- in front of him, his father intentionally gave him amnesia, his sister died when he was a child, he then proceeded to become homeless living/spending lots of time with Minos who verbally (and possibly physically) abused him, becoming aware of his past memories, becoming aware of the fact that many people hated him because of his father and because they thought he was joining the other side (therefore, he was "bad"), he fought in many battles as a child, fought monsters alone, was often faced with life or death situations, went to Tartarus alone (where the goddess of misery told him he was "perfect"), was trapped in a hostage situation with little/no air for a long time while people debated whether or not to save him, was outed against his will, was freed only to travel again fighting monsters and then win a battle, was eventually made to quest with Apollo despite still having lots of healing to do in ToN. So stressful life? Fuck yeah, that doesn't being to cover it.

Genetic factors, obviously nothing here is confirmed so I'm speculating a little bit again, but the common idea in regards to Hades children through the series is that they are "bad". Mental illnesses have been stigmatized for hundreds, if not thousands of years, and often mentally ill people were made out to be weird/bad/etc. It's more than possible there is some sort of genetic factor taking place, also "having a father who was significantly older when he had you". Although I doubt godly genes work the same as mortal ones (trust me I have lots of thoughts on how god genetics/DNA work, but that's not the point right now), I think Hades being the oldest out of all his brothers and having a reputation for having "questionable" children says something... We have no information on Maria's family history at all.

As for schizophrenia often occurring with other mental illnesses and/or neurodivergences: Nico canonically is implied to have either ADHD and/or Autism, and is canonically stated to have PTSD. I think most people would agree that saying Nico has or has had depression isn't a stretch in the slightest.

So canonically we can all agree Nico has severe trauma and coinciding mental health issues/neurodivergences, so out of 4 possible issues I’ve first presented we guaranteeably have two. If I wanted to stretch this a little I would give myself a half point for him being born in the winter and a half point for the aspect of Hades genetics but I won’t do that.

On top of that schizophrenia usually appears during teenage and young adult years in people who receive diagnosis; most people live with mental illness for a few months or a few years in some cases before they're able to receive a diagnosis. Nico being 15 (16 by the end of ToN/shortly following the end of ToN) is about the age that schizophrenia would start to make an appearance. It's also more likely to be found in men, with men also noticing the appearance of schizophrenia appearing early in their lives, and experiencing more negative symptoms in comparison to the higher commonality of affective symptoms in women. That's a really complicated explanation to basically say there's 3 more things that would make Nico having schizophrenia make more sense.

Alright, let’s go back to the list of symptoms I provided:

Hallucinations

Delusions

Disorganized thinking

lack of motivation

slow movement

change in sleep patterns

poor grooming or hygiene

changes in body language and emotions/behavior

less interest in social activities

Once again, some of these are not solely related to schizophrenia and can be the result of other mental health issues, I’m just going to go down the list and add in some moments from the books in which Nico shows some of these traits/behaviors.

Delusions/Hallucinations (more later)

Our best chances for understanding Nico's thought process is in Blood of Olympus where he has a P.O.V... Sometimes Nico's thoughts do derail, or sometimes they get a little confusing, but not always, and when talking to others he is consistent and aware of what he's saying, as well as blunt. Anything "off" about his thought patterns to me just seems like ADHD..

Dietary changes (whether or not you think he has an eating disorder) are behavioral changes (I personally think Nico has AFRID)

Within House of Hades Nico's poor sleep patterns are constantly referenced, and I'll give him a pass on poor hygiene because he's in the middle of a quest but still..

I have extremely complicated feelings on what Will says here, it's possible Nico is an extremely unreliable narrator (unlikely, it seems many people are bothered by him and only maybe a handful aren't), I've also thought at many points this was Rick trying to backtrack some stuff with Nico because he realized he'd made his story a little too harsh for a kids book, it could also be Will's trauma kicking in and that happening... I'm not counting it as full proof about Nico disliking social interactions, but Nico does try to leave even after this conversation and isn't convinced to stay until the last chapter, so maybe there's something to be said about people's dislike of him for being a Hades kid- but I think it's fair to say Nico also dislikes people at least some because he doesn't have interest in trying to befriend anyone either, and is quick to assume all people dislike him (paranoia/low self esteem/and some other possible stuff). There's lots of discussions to be had about this quote and other similar ones, and I don't think a broad brush approach of "Nico good everyone else bad" is accurate it's more, "Nico is good but he fails to try and you have to work on your own mental health everyone won just go to you, and also people dislike Nico for silly reasons and need to get over themselves and make an effort too". (I'm extremely oversimplifying my thoughts and feelings to keep it brief.)

More on delusions and hallucinations:

Now I want to state that lots of schizophrenia symptoms share a lot of commonalities with ADHD and with depression, so although I might include some moments you think are just ADHD/depression I wouldn’t necessarily disagree with you but they could also be schizophrenia or coexisting mental health issues/divergences. I also went through the DSM-5 for schizophrenia (the DSM-5 is just this big book with lists and it’s how doctors diagnose any mental health issue/divergence), I also looked through the DSM-IV (an older book from before DSM-5 which is no longer really used) and the differences between the diagnosis was fairly minimal but they quit categorizing types of schizophrenia and instead rely more on a couple of word descriptions that seem more in line with a spectrum rather than a checkable box.

In order to receive a schizophrenia diagnosis, two (or more) of the following, each present for a significant portion of time during a 1-month period (or less if successfully treated), and at least one of these symptoms must be (1), (2), or (3):

Delusions

Hallucinations

Disorganized speech (frequent derailment or incoherence)

Grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior

Negative symptoms (i.e., diminished emotional expression or avolition).

It’s important to note that only one of these need to be checked off/true if the patient has voices which narrate their actions/behaviors/thoughts or if the person has more than one voice conversing with each other.

Nico deals with auditory hallucinations (2), he believes the voice belongs to Bob, his titan friend he left in Tartarus:

However this isn’t and immediate diagnosis because Bob’s voice doesn’t talk to another voice(s) in Nico’s head, and we don’t know if Nico has voices running commentary on his behaviors/thoughts.

The reason I state we are unaware if Nico has commentary isn’t because Nico hasn’t said anything, but because many people with schizophrenia before their diagnosis believe the narrative voices are just their thoughts and are a normal internal monologue- usually patients don’t realize anything is wrong until the voices start providing commentary on their actions so instead of “washing the dishes now” the voice(s) might say “wash the dishes now, you’re so lazy you can’t do anything, idiot” during a period of psychosis which may help them acknowledge that the voice(s) isn’t the way most people experience internal voice(s). It is very possible Nico is unaware he is experiencing narrative thoughts and simply assumes that his experience is something most people have, but I won’t use this to argue my point because it’s not confirmation of anything.

Returning now to Bob, Nico knows he is hearing Bob’s voice but he believes Bob is calling to him from Tartarus. Now, Nico says the voices are calling to him from Tartarus but there’s no confirmation of this anywhere… What I think is happening is Nico has a guilty conscience. He feels bad for “using” Bob to get out of Tartarus and various other things, so he feels bad that he is still down there. However, we don’t really know if Bob is calling to him or if Bob is able to do that- what I personally think is happening here is Nico’s brain is convincing Nico that Bob needs him because Nico is upset with himself for not helping Bob more, but also because Nico has never “sat still” before without a quest. Nico has also always felt the want to be needed/important...

It very well could be a delusion.

Schizophrenic patients often experience delusions which make them think they are destined for greatness, or that they have some divine/high force calling out to them for help that only they can provide. It’s an extremely common thing in individuals who experience delusions, and is in fact one of the most common delusions experienced. So although Bob could really be calling out to Nico, I don’t think he is, it doesn’t entirely make sense and there’s lots of little things which point to it being not entirely real- like the fact that nobody else knows about it? Or how absolutely sure Nico is that he need to return to Tartarus? It seems like a mixture of PTSD, delusions, and trauma response (returning to the trauma), working against him. I’ll say delusion is very likely (1).

Using these two factors alone there’s sufficient evidence for diagnosis, but let’s keep going just to see.

For disorganized speech (3) this isn’t something Nico seems to struggle with, and even if he did “derailing” could be ADHD or Autism, so I don’t think this symptom pertains to him.

Changes in behavior (4), seem to all be explainable via depression and/or PTSD- he has begun to express emotion again in Tower of Nero upon learning of Jason’s death he is said to be upset by Will and he walks off to be alone, seems like depression to me. Emotional/Behavior changes from schizophrenia tend to relate more to bipolar disorder rather than a depressive disorder, so I would say if Nico has schizophrenia he probably doesn’t have emotional or behavioral changes from it. If he did he might have some catatonic behavior, but this seems to be clearing up some in Tower of Nero so I’m not super sure on that, maybe during bad periods of psychosis behavioral changes occur, but I would lean more towards this isn’t a symptom Nico personally deals with. Negative symptoms (5) tie into this same idea, it’s possible it’s schizophrenia, but it’s more likely PTSD or depression at work.

So why do I care so much about the possibility of Nico being schizophrenic?

I feel like canonically/fanonically making Nico schizophrenic does a few things, firstly schizophrenic rep in media is extremely extremely awful- can you think off the top of your head of a schizophrenic character who isn't from a horror film/a murder/a villain in their own story? Maybe, but personally I can only think of one which is Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower- and even then? That's not canon, it's only implied- and it might not even be true

Schizophrenic media representation always paints schizophrenic people as bad, scary, and evil, and although the horror genre is extremely well known for being super ableist, transphobic, racist, homophobic, and misogynistic (just the final cherry on top) having one of the first- if not the first openly confirmed schizophrenic characters in children's media not only be someone who has lots of character development, and isn't a stereotype, but also be someone people have grown up with, cared for, and sympathized with- would be extremely monumental.

People with schizophrenia and other related disorders aren't something to be scared of or to think of as bad, and often times they're more bothered by whatever they're experiencing than you are.

I don't have schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder or anything like that, but I have various undiagnosed mental health issues which often lead to me questioning reality, or having to set aside time to convince myself that no there isn't a man living in my wall... Having a character have to question those things, work through those feelings, and learn to trust themselves and care for themselves even with those difficulties would be really great to see in media, not just for people with schizophrenia but also for people with similar/related disorders who might share symptoms see parts of their own struggles in a good, educative way.

I have to finish this in two parts because tumblr keeps breaking because there's too many words in my post lmao (2nd part here)

#nico di angelo #pjo #hoo #toa #percy jackson #will solace #solangelo

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doublebird · 2 years

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Matching Making Request Please☺️

I'm a tomboy who loves to roughhouse and swim. Outside of those things, my hobbies are music, writing, reading, TV/moives and video games. Also art, which I actually pretty good at. I won competitions in past.

I bake as well but mostly when it is with family. However, I do make insane pies! I have a pretty big sweet tooth but for chocolate primarily.

I have ADD, OCD, and dyslexia. I can't stand to be nasty. I can also get pretty fixated on things due to the OCD. I can be moody, thoughtless selfish, and impatience. Sadly not my best traits. However, I can be really kind and sweet too. I've been told I'm wise beyond my years and that I make people feel safe. I find that alot of people seek me for comfort and stability. Especially, during hard periods in their life.

I'm kinda reclusive but when I come out of my shell I bring the party with me lol. I'm also pretty friendly for an introvert. My mindset why not have all the friends you can get😄. Fortunately, that mindset has lead me to make friends or good acquaintances with a hug number of people. From conservative right-wingers to flamboyant drag queens lol. I just tend to get along with everybody.

I'm 21 and going to college for psychology. I find people fascinating. I like to know what makes them tick. I also want to help people. My own struggle with my illness has helped inspire me to figure out others and to try and hopefully help them through it.

I also love animals and have three dogs. I love doggies 🐶🐾.

Hey!

I'm so sorry that I took AGES to do your request, but I finally was able to finish it!

I hope you enjoy it! ❤️🌸

~Match-up~

I pair you up with Marco!

Marco would work well with you in my eyes, because of his calm and understanding behavior.

I don't think he would be mad about any of your tics. Not the hyperfixations, not OCD's or whatever. He would understand and try his best being there for you, no matter what!

I believe he could be annoyed because of you being selfish or similar, but he wouldn't yell or anything. Marco would probably ignore you for a bit, just to collect his thoughts again and to calm down.

Marco would be so proud of you for admitting your flaws tho!

I also think the point with you being a safe haven for your friends would be great in a relationship with Marco. I believe he would have the same charisma and it would make you some sort of "wise sympathetic couple"! Oh, and your profession would also match perfect with him being a doctor in general.

The terms of getting along with people, or being a friendly introvert but still being able to party, also reminded me a lot of Marco. You seem quite similar and I thought it would be beautiful to match you two up!

You're not the only one who loves animals, Marco does too! I imagine him still being a little overwhelmed with three dogs, but I believe he would get along with them very well!

Marco would also love if you make art for him or bake something for him! He would feel honored that you spent so much time and love for a gift for him.

#one piece #One piece match up #marco the phoenix #marco the pineapple #One piece marco

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legendlores · 2 years

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Would you mind me asking how your tourettes presents itself?

i don't mind at all ! to start, the severity of my tics is relatively moderate. they used to be a lot worse when i was younger, but i've been able to basically "train" myself out of the ones that caused me the most damage. they can still hurt me, don't get me wrong, but it's not nearly as bad as it was. i think it's also important to note that i have OCD as a co-morbid, which means my tics are more "rhythmic" and "consistent" than they would be for someone with TS who doesn't have OCD as well. this also is not a comprehensive list of every tic i've ever had, but just the ones that present themselves currently. there are many others that i've "grown out of" or, as mentioned before, trained to be something less harmful.

WITH THAT ALL SAID !! i would say my most prominent tics ( besides blinking, eye rolling, and general face pulling ) are what i call my "wheezing" and "neck pulling" tics. the wheezing one is exactly what it sounds like : i wheeze and make little huffing sounds a lot. for a long while, we actually thought i had asthma. my doctors even gave me an inhaler for it . . . but nope ! it was just my tourettes lol. as for the neck one, it USED to be that i would continuously and sharply shake my head back and forth as if shaking my head 'no' ( my mom used to call this my "helicopter" tic ), but i've trained it so that i just tilt my head really far to a side and strain my neck a bit. billie eilish actually has a very similar tic, though mine doesn't last nearly as long as hers seems to — not anymore at least.

there are a few others besides those : people have told me i "squeak" sometimes, and i have another motor + vocal tic where i hold my breath, continuously suck air in, and can't let it out until my brain “decides” i've gotten enough air ( this is one my OCD plays into quite a bit, and it can be really annoying and scary sometimes, though thankfully rare ). i've recently picked up one where i make kissy sounds and click my tongue, which i wholeheartedly blame my cat for lol. i'm sure there are other little ones i'm forgetting, but those are all of the ones that come to mind that i am actively aware of. a lot of people with TS are not aware of when they're ticcing, and i currently live alone so i'm sure there are tics that i simply haven't realized or haven't been pointed out to me yet.

beyond the tics themselves, the only other things to know about how my tourettes presents itself is that stress makes it worse, distractions make it better, it is a part of my everyday life, and it is constantly evolving — sometimes for worse, but sometimes for the better too. it can be invasive and stop me from getting things done, but it can also be something that makes for a funny story or good memory. it really just depends on the day, and i'm okay with that :>

i apologize for how long this response got, but thank you for the question ! i hope i was able to answer it in a way that satisfied your curiosity <3

#answered #anonymous #long post #i TRULY rambled here forgive me lmao #also for an rpc specific note since this is my rpc blog: i would fucking LOVE to see characters with tourettes in groups #obvi handled with care and whatnot and not pulled from what we see in media #( the swearing thing is coprolalia btw and it is very rare within those that have TS so thatd especially be something to stay away from )#but other general tics??? god id love that so bad

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corinneabasta · 2 years

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Digital Journal #1 || Monday, 10.30am, 17th of January 2022, Desktop area

Good morning!

It's a cold cold day today and I love it.

It's been a hot minute since I posted something on here and wow, not only did lots of things had happened in a month but also a lot of things changed within me. Wanna dive in? Let's go.

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I'll begin with losing a friend 3 days after my last post here. On the 11th of December, a used-to-be great friend of mine, cut off our friendship. Should I still dive deeper into the story? I say no. But here's a context as to what happened:

The ex-friend was still hoping despite making it clear that I don't want to be in a relationship with them because of my current situation and other things. They finally realized that they love themselves more. Thus, cutting me out of the scene so they could move on from me.

I was hurt, of course. But I accepted it. I respected their decision of not making myself present in any way may it be through friends or social media. I understood where they were coming from. So, I did why they asked me to do. Because I also wanted to help them move on from me - that's what I also told them before: "I'll do anything for you not to have a crush on me."

Anyway, their goodbye message was bittersweet but hours came when I decided to check their Twitter to see what they might be saying after what just happened - and it turned out to be something I didn't really expect. After all the I love you's on their goodbye letter, little did I know that the I love you's meant I hate you. They were saying different things on social media and that hurt me deeply. They were angry.

But as weeks went by, I've come to fully digest what happened between us and I was beginning to see the positive things in life. I was starting to be healthy and happy. I was starting to learn being at peace. Until the evening of January 5th came like a massive hurricane. But we'll get to that later! :>

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You read that right. Yes! I was starting to learn about having a positive outlook in life. I'll tell you what? I'm already becoming more spiritual and this is the most spiritual I've ever been. I've been loving myself even more and I'm so proud of myself for learning this beautiful thing. I've been meditating a lot too!

I go to therapy once every week and it's one of the things I most look forward to every week. It's a combination of anxiety and excitement every time I wait for my session to come. Excitement dominates my anxiety, though! I still get anxious and I still couldn't figure out why something exciting for me can still get so nerve-racking at the same time. It's most likely tethered to my Social Anxiety Disorder which is something that I am working on together with my amazing therapist.

Uh, what else...

Oh, I've learned that my main or biggest fear is to be rejected. Like, what?! Yeah, I fear of being rejected but i didn't know that it was my biggest fear. I was blown away when my therapist told me that what if 80% of it all was just me rejecting myself and 20% was the inevitable rejection from others. I realized that, wow, I didn't know I was rejecting myself this whole time. I reject myself because I already know that people are going to reject me so I do it beforehand. Everything that gives me anxiety stems from the fear of rejection. Everything that irritates me stems from that fear of rejection. It all comes down to one single fear: rejection. It's something to learn quite slowly and that's okay, I'm not in a rush. I like to learn. At least, I say to myself that I do. It's all about feeding the subconscious! Haha.

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Nothing much happened. Everything is a work in progress. I still get in a depressive state; I still have my OCD and Bipolar tendencies; I still get irritable and negative; and some days can still get gloomy and unproductive and that's okay. I now teach myself the art of acceptance - I now accept that learning things don't have to be fast paced. Life isn't supposed to be perfect and smooth. Life is full of obstacles and it makes it more exciting and less boring. Life is a full prepped meal - it's got all the ingredients that don't taste good when you taste it individually but it's what makes the food delicious. Life is earth and earth is nature and nature is harmony and harmony is ups and downs, highs and lows. Life is, in short, an experience. If we aren't experiencing all these, are we even living? That's the nature of life. It's all about living and surviving. It's tough yet so fun.

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K, what happened on January 5th? Well, as I was becoming happier and peaceful, the ex-friend blasted out and got even angrier at me. They cussed me out and told me, indirectly, so many bad things and so much more! They were telling me that I was being ungrateful for not communicating with them... You be the judge (don't)! Anyway, that moment affected me heaps. Well, only for a week. I'm back on track again <3 I know my truth and that is what's important. I don't need to engage myself in something I won't benefit positive energy from. It's a waste of time. I'd rather help myself than indulge in something unhealthy like I used to. Come on, it's a new year! It's 2022.

Well, as of today, I'm getting back to that positive energy again and I'm so happy to be back in this state. Life is still testing me day by day but that's, again, okay! Bring it on.

---

Alright, that's all I can say right now. I need to do more things to be productive.

I'll make sure to be back again!

Thank you <333

Corinne, 22 :)

12.06nn

#DJCorinne #CDAHerThoughts #DJMCDA

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ilovetosmilepleasemarrymepi-blog · 5 years

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For information and my safety and their sainity,

I do not own any pictures, art, drawings, or epic pieces of art in this story.

All ponies pony names, names of pony songs, pony songs, or any thing else that could get my ass sued. Also all chacters, locations, phrases, items, names of spells etc... They belongs to Hasbro, Hasbro entertainment, and Hasbro productions.

Witch will inevitably be bought by Disney like everything else. So we can get a pinky Deadpool ship!

FINALY!!!

Hello . My name is...well I guess I.. well how about you can just call me Dayrl for now. You see my story ... It is true, very true well the beginning is any way. Oh though how I wish this was a true story. The true story though has not yet occurred. If I'm to change my life would to change my life and find the one I was destined to meet. I'd have to find the one the cupcacake of my eye that for years or more I might of gone without noticing. I'd have to go through hell to find true love. I'd was going to be sent through life's emotional hell.

But that is later

This... is where my story began...for now...

My pony life started in high school. I don't even rember much of it, and I know I did not know about fan fictions back then. What had happened is that I saw this kid with really cool shirt with on and it something really cool on it with a rainbow maybe ?

Yeah that it defintaly not the design that was on the shirt but it is 20% cooler

So I asked the dude about it his shirt I mean he said it was from a short about ponies now at I was uncertain but I'm really open minded and also I was in high school so i think that was at the time where I was more use to watching cartoons so theres that by the way it may now be important but I really love to brag ... So you know the really famous season four tirek episode where twilight had the power of four Alicorns and when she when to battle tirek the stated exchangeing blows and beams energy waves throwing rocks at each other having a good ol time well I watched as .... It ... Aired ... Which alot of people can say that they did that to but ya know like I said l love to brag

#overlyadzaderatedartparody

So now ya know how I came to the fandom that's well and good and I really don't remember alot after that other than ya know watching the episodes now and then but if knew then what I know now ...... Well I often say don't it's not got look at the past unless your looking to learn

Now apparently ..... Very apparently I seem to have falling away from the fandom at sompoint and I think it it a fairly simple reason that I faced a problem that all us bronies have to and will learn to over come if we want in this fan community

Prejudice

Mockink, taunting teasing

Rejection

Eventually if you can't get over something like that and face your problems your fears and lack of self confidence you become ..... Lost alone ....unhappy you will be unable to move on with life... like...

Now eventually after a while I found the fandom again I don't really want to say ... Hoooo....huuummmm I guess if I'm going to be telling this story I'm going to be honest with you

#apples

#honesty

#elementofhonesty

#applejack

So any way here it I'm not what a normal person would call normal ...or at the very least average I have these psychological disorders there called autism, ADHD, ADD, OCD, and plethora of behavior probelems you see growing not the best behaved i had a lot of social issues and trouble making friends on account of my autism and the fact my dad had passed away when I was two and technicaly speaking im still not the best behaved or social

any way I was in this assisted liveing home becaus my mom need a break from me a person with less .... Metal advantages sometimes just can't handel you all the time and one day i was watching tv in the day room nothing on as per ussaul you know I did have my phone back then too and hardly ever watched TV when I did alot of it was Steven universe and any one else who watches that can tell you that hiatused are a Bitch so basically steven universe was hiatuse and there nothing on and I found my self watchin TMNT alot but ya got know there nothing on there's nothing on but one day there was...

Now one thing you have to understand about me is I absolutely love my music all music any music any at and I'm not that picky

#octaviamelody

#vinylrecordscratch

I don't really have that many thing I won't listen to most of the time I only have one rule and that is that I won't listen to anything where I can't understand the lyrics I feel like what the point in music if you can't apeel to everyone and if one person can not what your saying that's one person you did not reach but the point of the matter is that I like and appreciate a lot of music what I'm realling to say is that the music is a big part of why I loved in Steven universe so much like comet, giant woman, it's over isnt it and I will straight up right now say that show deserves ten Grammy's (not to mention the Annie award, animation award, it deserved deserved deserved for best episode paraphrasing the name of the award Mr. Greg instead of that dumb ass adventure time vr episode) but I'm getting off toppic now I like music and what is my Little pony without alot of music

So I'm pretty sure no I'm beautifuly one hunldred percent sure on who I have to thank for saving me from when I was down in my funk the it was none other than the cuti mark crsaders let me explain it is definitely not the first song iv heard in the series but damn shur if it's not one the best I was watching mlp one day and ya know I thought here go just another friendship song ... Fuckin ass then out of no where I was blown away the kiss makeup , the lights, the crashes, the danger, and rock be e de de e dew

All I have to say right now is I don't know where I'd be if it weren't for you the cmc

#imnotzecora

so from the bottom of my heart for as broken and shattered it gets every day thank you

You help me so much

Now let talk about something really serious do you believe in simplicity that things just simply happen an that they are all coincidences maybe you believe in faith it can come from strangest places in apparently very ummm... If you believe in faith how far does that faith go how long are you willing to let the Signs just pass you by ignore faith some people get second chances but some never even get a first and if you do nothing if it something ....or someone that is a greater power or forces .... why not at least play along Just to see where you end up

Ok im a guy so naturally I do what guys do I watch porn and please just stay with me for one minute here because this is probably the most important part this is where I the divine intervention made it's first move it a very crucial part to this story so please just stay with me who know here what the rule 34 is ... Oh come on...

#sweetibellohcomeon

Shut you all know it is everyone knows the rule is it's states if exist it can be sexy and there porn of it

so me being the very lonely guy that I was never had being been in a relationship and alwase watching porn I knew for a fact that they did not show porn on YouTube so showering pornsites for pony porn and finding none (or not look hard enough not find what I wanted or worse just being internet lazy) went YouTube and they had ..... Somethig

Clop

Right now I challenge you to go to someone who is not a mlp fan and ask them to watch clop then ask a brony the exact question and compare just their face reactions yeah I had no idea what it was I did after though

So I got my fill of clop now at that time I was also a big anime fan this is the second event that seems to line up just perfectly to be some kind weird divine intervention I was watching frieza react to the video where pinkie pie beats up all her friends to the theme of the smile song and I'll give you a thousand Guesses what video was in description

cupcakes

Now yeah it was a weird video but I did even here it was a fanfic till way later the next couple of web searches we're mostly fan made songs untill ...

My first fan fiction by scribbler of course

#scribbler

#scribblerproductions

#subcribetoscribbler

Scribbler i dont know who you are but if could only realize what a monumental difference youve made in my life I have goals now because of you on I've found love and pepol can say they are fictional chacters all fuckin day I ve got more than that I want to and need to

So let's go back where all began

Rocket to insanity my first mlp fan fiction ever butt you know I think I've told you quite a bit now so ill save some for next time

That where really interesting ...

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