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#but i cant. and i overthink so hard i overthink every interaction i have with him
valpuduzz · 22 days
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im so sorry to my mutuals i promise i dont wanna vent in here all the time because i know it can be extremely exhausting to be around such negativity and i do wanna make more funny posts but shit keeps happening and venting about it in the tags is sorta comforting in a way
#the meowing of a cat 🐱#anyways. it is 5am and i cannot sleep because im not tired and also because i fucking hate myself#i wanna isolate myself from everyone#i really do#i really really really do. but i cant and i wont. dont worry.#actually i think i just wanna isolate myself from my crush because it's the only way i know the feelings will go away#but i cant#and i dont want to#YES IM VENTING ABOUT MY CRUSH AGAIN. I HATE IT TOO OKAY#im such a fucking incel and i hate it i hate it#im literally mister nice guy redditor#because i have so much love to give and i hate the fact he will never reciprocate. he doesnt even see me as a close enough friend#i just want to tell him how much i love him but i cant because i told him once and you cant confess again#that's not how that works#please why cant i accept he doesnt like me back why cant i accept it i just want to accept it#i want to let go i want to let go i want to let go but i cant i fucking cant and i hate it#please please please i just want to learn to live with the fact he wont and never will love me back#but i fucking cant. ive tried fucking everything. ive tried so fucking hard. and i always come back loving him more#wish i could punch my brain and my heart repeatedly. i just want to accept this that's all i fucking want#but i cant. and i overthink so hard i overthink every interaction i have with him#i want to let him know i love him but i dont wanna be a creep. he probably already thinks im a creep#but ofc he's so sweet he will never let me know that#i cant sleep and my leg hurts and my finger hurts and im shaking#i just. i really want to tell him the amount of love i have for him. but i cant anymore#he has been done wrong by many people. i wish i could give him my love. but i cant force someone to love me#god im such a Nice Guy incel.... i hate it#dont get me wrong he makes me so fucking happy. it's just the fact that i know he will never love me#and how i will never get to show my love for him fucks me up#i want to show him so badly but the love for him i hold is so overwhelming i cant possibly do that without being seen as a creep#please i just want to let go i want to accept it i want to accept he will NEVER fucking love me but i cant
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nerves-nebula · 1 year
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2012 has so much room for character analysis. And analysis in general.
I watched it when It was coming out on tv and have been rewatching it for the past couple months very slowwwllllyyyy. Shshsbbdd
Anyway I'm just getting nna ramble my analysis in your direction.
Starting with Mikey! Par tof the reason people sorta cling to Mikey I think is cuz like, splinter sorta ignores him.
It's this sorta odd thing going on where we have scenes like splinter telling Donnie to act more like Mikey cuz he's thinking to much and it's impeding his abilities cuz he's overthinking. Which, is an attempt to address Donnie's anxiety albeit in not the best way but it sorta worked?
Which means splinter is acknowledging mikeys fighting prowess. And that Mikey not thinking to hard and just doing is a good skill to be able to execute.
But ALSO, we get a scene of when the boys first got their weapons, and splinter tells everyone why they're getting what weapon, and why they'll enjoy it. Except Mikey. Mikey just gets nunchucks. Which, is dead ass the hardest weapon to wield there so what the fuck dude?
And Mikey is, so fuckin smart. His brain just in Canon goes too fast for him to remember words and shit. He's so adhd frfr
But Leo is dead ass the golden child. Like, everyone asked to be leader, cuz they are teen boys, but splints chose Leo cuz "he asked for it" and then instills all his ideals in him! He's treated like he's the best at everything and is expected to be the best at everything AND to care for his brothers. And he can only feels like he doesn't really have a life. Which leads into the whole Leo develops a crush on his half sister while not knowing she's his half sister nonsense.
Donnie is just, he's the smart one. He's stressed all the time, but also a. Fucking simp who is never reprimanded by his dad for how he treats april, which he really should be! Having mindmap of every possible way an interaction could go with her is creepy! And literally stalking her!!!! Donnie's also the one who deals with Timothy and he gets in trouble for it with splints despite not even wanting to be dealing with it himself. It's a mess.
Raph has just, obvious anger issues. And splinter does not address them in a healthy way frequently. It's a lot of, "just breathe" and Raph is just: "I want to punch someone or something yesterday."
OH and splint sets his brothers shoot him with plungers while yelling at him and roah like, has a whole ass panic attack. That manifests aggressively cuz raphs anger oh so obviously comes from anxiety. But splinter like never picks up on that.
2012 splints treats the boys like students more then sons ALOT. But also cares about them enough to do shit like, break brain control cuz he didn't wanna kill them ✌️
I could probably word that better but I'm still a little high on laughing gas rn cuz I just had a dentist appointment.
yall be out here writing fandom dissertations & shit after going to the DENTIST yknow what I do after going to the dentist??? lay around in mild agony cause my sensitive ass teeth hurt...
anyway these are fun times.
i still cant get over the fact that i made my neglected turtles stay underground and never go out as a way to reflect my weird family isolation as a kid and then i watched the first ep of 2012 and it was like "yea they're fifteen and they've never left the sewers. they only know each other" and im LIKE!! WHAT!! THEY'VE LITERALLY ALMOST FINISHED PUBERTY AND THEY NEVER LEFT THEIR HOME???? THEY ONLY KNOW EACH OTHER????
i dont think the writers understand how fucked up that makes you and your relationships to people and its just like a part of the turtles story i guess???
LIKE THINKING ABOUT IT, I GET IT, and im sure thats how it is in a lot of tmnt iterations, but thats crazy. these boys would be so fucked up irl.
sorry for the ramble i just aint got much to say about ur analysis, cant say if i agree or not cause i aint even watched much 2012 lol.
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katkafe · 2 years
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HELLO, IVE JUST FINISHED WATCHING WEDNESDAY
because i am the biggest dumbest nerd when it comes to the addams family: ive made a crappy list of why wednesday is everything i hoped for and more and why it is absolutely fucking perfect. spoilers.
im not entirely sure on how to start slow with this one so im getting right fucking into it. enjoy reading the disaster of my thoughts on this masterpiece:
AMAZING CASTING. jenna is incredible as wednesday, catherine and luiz are the perfect morticia and gomez, i adored seeing christina ricci KICKING ASS. gwendoline christie was amazing as weems, fred armisen as fester???? lost my shit he was so perfect. i don’t think there was a single cast member i wasn’t amazed with.
no genuinely i loved all of the nevermore students
fell in love w enid so fast omg i was rooting for her so hard her arc was so awesome (her and ajax are so cute too)
rip rowan you would’ve loved wenclair
THING!!!: its not the addams family without thing, and its especially not the addams family if thing isn’t being a little shit stirrer the whole time. perfect beautiful i love him A++ 
THE WEDNESDAY/PUGSLEY DYNAMIC WAS SO ON POINT they literally have the actual best sibling dynamic
i now know that you have not lived until you’ve seen wednesday addams stuck in a love triangle. she is not a character that you would expect to have a romantic interest but now in my mind she’s just beautifully a-spec and probably demiromantic. yes obviously i love xavier.
don’t get mad at me but i don’t ship her w enid that much?? at least not romantically but hey i would not complain if we had a polycule or qpr!!!
also it was genuinely so cute to see wednesday making friends like. why was i sobbing so much when she hugged enid. holy fuck.
THE DANCE SCENE. SHES AN ICON SHES A LEGEND AND SHE IS THE MOMENT
i am referring to both her actual dancing and ofc “they couldn’t even spring for real pigs blood. its only paint.” so real.
cant even stop myself from mentioning that jenna ortega looks very hot covered in blood which happens a lot in this series. like almost every episode. jesus fucking christ i am so in love with her.
i am a huge edgar allen poe nerd so i fucking adored every little reference to his works. also the idea that he was an outcast is so real to me.
speaking of outcasts: ngl definitely could’ve come up with a better name, “outcasts” just made it sound weirdly like some awkward teen high school drama but you get used to it
wednesday’s visions were so cool??? i loved the whole goody addams thing their interactions were really cool and god i just was not expecting that at all.
ok tbh it was really weird that her name was goody, since “goody” is the puritan equivalent of “mrs.” (its short for goodwife) so idk why they did that but ok i’m still here for it
honestly in general they do a really good job of keeping you guessing. i was suspicious about almost every single character throughout the whole series. 
in retrospect i should’ve known tyler was gonna be an asshole from the start cause. i mean. his name is tyler. no offense to my tylers, but be real when have you ever seen a tv show character named tyler that wasn’t a douche. i’ll wait.
i’ve typed tyler too many times and it no longer looks like a real name
episodes are nice and long but i obviously wish the series was longer, but it was super bingable and i’m probably gonna rewatch it 3 million times until the next season inevitably comes out.
not to be dorky but i loved how every episode title was a pun w the word “woe” 
i have really horrible media literacy in the sense that i overthink EVERYTHING so to me like almost everything in that was beautifully executed symbolism and maybe it was but when i say i lost my shit when i noticed wednesday stand on enid’s side of the room and fsr thats the only example i can think of rn BUT STILL
overall 5 stars 10/10 show i cant wait for more i love the plot i love the characters i love the cast i will be recommending it to everyone ik and more
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bronwiebear-brad · 1 year
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I was in the mood so I knew I had to write something inspired on would you
“Good luck, B” you said hugging him, your arms wrapping his figure like you did everytime.
“Thank you” he kissed the top of your head.
When you looked up he leanned down to kiss you. When you pulled apart he noticed how you left your eyes open during the kiss. And that hurt him.
“Do you still love me?” He asked out of nowhere on a saturday night just as he was about to leave the backstage room for a concert.
“What do you mean?” You asked confused. You were pretty sure he knew how much you loved him because you were always showing him.
“It is a simply yes or no question, Y/N”
“ Yeah I know, but I don’t uderstand why are you asking me that”
“Your answer explains everything” he looked down sarcastically smiling.
“That question came out of nowhere, Brad. Why are you doing this right now?”
“Because i need to know” he looked at you. His eyes were dark. He had a serious expression.
“Wh-“ you wanted to know more about where this conversarion led but someone interrupted.
“Guys, 10 seconds to come up on stage”
“We’ll talk later. Or not. I don’t know anymore.”he turned around and left you.
This was probably the worst thing he could do to you. Leaving you at least 4 hours overthinking about you and your relation. He know how anxious you would get but at this point he couldnt care less.
Everyone went up on the stage and you stood there in the dressing room with the famillies. James stood behind resting, because his voice condition, he noticed the interaction between you and his bandmate. You looked at him and he gave you a pitty look, he was trying so hard to not say anything.
Instead you gave him a reasuring smile and he gentle caressed your back.
Every song he sang that night made him think of you and every time he closed his eyes your eyes were looking straight into his. It was consuming him.
“Thank you Birminghan, that was a crazy show” you heard him say and the venue went crazy.
He looked at them and saw happiness. He remembered when he felt that way.
It was a long time.
He started to notice when you stopped waiting for him on the driveway when he came from work. You used to jump on his arms and hug him tight.
But not anymore.
There were a few times when you refused to go with him to red carpet events, dinner parties amd eventually casual dates.
You stopped waiting for him at the airport arrivals gate when he was away touring.
But when you stopped kissing him goodnight before bed thats when he noticed it.
He had lost you.
The whole ride from the venue to the hotel was silent. The tension between you and him could be cut with a knife. You were pretty sure the uber driver was looking at you through the mirror and wondering why you two didn’t talk.
“When did you stop loving me?” He asked closing the bedroom door.
“Brad we don’t have to do this right now, you need to rest” you said grabbing your things all over the room.
“See? You don’t even deny it!” He sat on the bed defeated.
“I do love you” you stopped what you were doing and looked at him.
“Fuck, I know that I’m never going to stop loving you.” You said.
For a split second his eyes filled with hope.
“So don’t “ he desperately said.
“But I can’t love you the same” you continue and his heart dropped. You sat beside him on the bed. Your knees touching.
“Brad, im tired to be always waiting. I cant live my life feeling that im always waiting for something. I can count on my fingers the amount of times I woke up in the morning and you were there smiling at me and ready to holding me tight…”
“I try to be present…”
“I know babe, it’s not your fault. You can’t compromise your job. Its what you do and you’re pretty fucking good at it.” You tried to make him smile and bumped his shoulder playfully. He lose a little but not enought.
“But I deserve to be happy too. Not spend my life waiting for you. Counting the days I’ll get to see you.”
“We’re going to find a way. I know we will. Just please don’t leave me” he said looking at you and grabbing your hands gently. His eyes were looking straight into yours.
“We tried already, darling” you said. Your hand caressed his face and he closed his eyes feling your touch.
“I can’t be that jealous with myself. And I know you’ll understand” you continued.
“i know that you’ll let go because you really love me” your hand traveled down and touched his chest right were his heart was.
“I can’t let you go, i love you” he said. You noticed his eyes filling with water. And you were breaking too.
“My darling i am nothing without you”
“Brad, you’re incredible without me. You just need to wait to see.”
He was listening you quietly. Few Tears were silently falling of his eyes and you cleaned them with your hands.
“You’ll became this better version of yourself. You’ll see how strong you are.” At this point you were sobbing too.
“And you’ll find someone like you.” He nodded no.
“She will be amazing and she’ll love you a lot, because its impossible not to”
“You’ll find someone like you”
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munsons-maiden · 2 years
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hi, i really need to vent rn and you are literally a safe space for anything eddie/joseph related and i just feel like i have to talk about it.
my heart is broken and ive cried my eyes out for a while now because joe wont be at the german comic con due to issues with his passport. ive spent so much money on tickets and the whole trip to see him. like, all i wanted was one of those hugs he gives everyone and i wrote him a letter and now its all for nothing.
i am so sad and frustrated now because i wont get my money back and i had to fight the entire week to get tickets for him. i almost got scammed two times and now this. no hug, no smile, no nothing :(
im still going and i at least got a ticket for grace, so as long as she wont cancel too, its at least something. but its still so disappointing and i feel so devastated. knowing that id meet him gave me so much motivation to do something and now its all gone again.
im still thinking if its a dck move to ask grace if she will take my letter and maybe gets it to joe somehow. the letter really means so much to me and idk if ill ever get the chance to give it to him now. but im scared that grace might think im only using her, if she even agrees. and if she did agree, maybe the letter would get lost somewhere and any chance of getting it to him is gone...
i really dont know what to do now and im trying to see the positive aspects but its so hard, considering everything i invested and all the hopes i had :(
sorry to dump this on you, i just needed to tell someone
same anon with the german comic con topic here... again i just feel like my last whining session sounded like im mostly frustrated that i spent so much money. and while that is true, i spent it gladly to meet joseph. just wanted to clarify.
the money issue isnt my biggest problem, its just the only thing i can actually be mad about rn, bcs joe has a valid reason to cancel. even if the passport thing is not the whole truth and maybe he ditched because the london cc wasnt going too great (some ppl speculate that he didn't wanna do another comic con so soon after) its his right to do so and i cant be mad at him.
its just so disappointing because i wanted to talk to him and see him interact with fans and ask him stuff. and now the opportunity is gone and it was pure luck that i even had this one chance. its just... i miss him, without ever meeting him? does that make sense?
i feel like his presence must be so nice to be around and i was so ecstatic when i finally got the tickets. and now i think i ruined it for myself because every time i overthink something, i make up 567 scenarios in my head, what could happen, what i could say and so on... and whenever i do this, i jinx it. and the little ppl controling my life, reading my thoughts, built me a path i didnt calculate.
its the same thing that happened this time, its the same thing that happens all the time with whatever situation i am confronted with.
to end this second rant on a note that is actually related to you and not just a random anon escalating in your asks... i could really use some new eddie content right now and i am over the moon, that worlds apart chapter 7 will be out soon and i can drown myself in my sorrow and the new chap ):)
Hi sweetheart! First of all, no worries, my inbox is always open🖤
I'm very sorry this happened, and I totally understand the sadness and frustration about the situation, it's absolutely valid. There's sadly not much of a positive aspect to this except for the fact that they're already talking to Joe about coming to another Comic Con in Germany in October - maybe it's worth a shot to try and get tickets for this one?
As for the letter; it depends entirely on what feels safe/comfortable for you. If you plan to get tickets for the October Con, you could keep the letter to give it to him yourself, since it seems very personal? In the end, you're the only person who can make a decision about that; you could take the letter with you and decide while you're there?
I hope you'll feel better soon, and should you decide to try for tickets for October, my fingers are crossed! 🖤
(And I hope Worlds Apart can contribute a little to comfort you🖤)
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portalradio · 4 days
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i have such a crazy bad habit of overthinking every interaction w people and its genuinely sooo exhausting like i read into peoples actions so intently and overthink everything to such a debilitating degree where if someone doesnt respond enthusiastic enough or they seem to not include me 100% i freak out so bad and have to go somewhere to cry. i know when i think about it purely objectively reflecting on the day its not awful but even when i get complimented frequently and people go out of their way to invite me i get so caught up in thinking about all those subtle signs of rejection and i cant think properly in the moment. it doesnt help that i hate feeling like im caring too much or trying too hard for someone i think doesnt like or slighted me so i withdraw from social situations instantly and just go quiet and i feel like it makes me come off as stand offish and avoidant but i cant help but think it would be better for me to just stfu. idk how to stop overthinking like this its all driving me a bit crazy im ngl
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I cant really relate at all to the idea of just not ever thinking about your issues or going about them casually because I have to think VERY hard every time I interact with the world or else I think I might accidentally hurt someone. So I'm stuck overthinking everything for the sake of everyone around me. I wish I could relax for once but whenever I do, I fuck something up. I want to be in a space where its okay to make mistakes. I want to be in a space where you arent punished severely for accidentally hurting someone. I want to be around people who know how to communicate and handle conflict
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kyaruun · 1 year
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RAAAWR HUG! HUG! qiapyon loves being hugged :3 and squished (is a slime so squish!) hehe you are so nice and soft :>> not at all intimidating
YOU FELT LIKE A BIG BLOG just so very top tier writing. great graphic. whole package deal. there's only two possibilities that happen to follower count when you go ia:
it goes up, because people are finding you
it goes down, because people are not finding you and your followers think you are dead
THE RETURN OF NYA im so excited rawrrrrr tag me in everything
afadsfhsd me big blog... i guess i'm a big blog. i dont know why 1.1k people are still here for my shitposts
ajdslfsdf its only a few,,, a lot of my blogs are ia..... unfortunately.... and i mostly have focused on nazukisser though i literally cant stop writing for enstars its in my soul... i always strive for weekly for every fandom but darn thats really hard with the amount of shit i have going on
WAAAAAAAA i hope YOUR works get the true recognition it deserves (one day you'll write a leo fic that will become known as that leo fic (in a pos sense))
professional.... ate lis told me that i looked professional on my blogs,,, i just try. lots of trial and error and i always try to look fresh. have gone through so many phases its insane. one time i tried replicating an actual site design on tumblr while combining it w my style and it was so hard. stares at my (long gone) tori fs2 theme
RIGHT like the readers were nice, all of the people were so nice... now its too big like who is everyone... but also its kinda dead too like damn... 2023 is not anybody's year... i wish we could return to all being silly....
help me omg big blog. i mean being a writing blog the writing might as well get a pass but the graphics suck and i'm the first one to acknowledge that. i simply don't know what to do with them >< the one and only graphic i'm still head over heels for and is the reason i still haven't remade my theme is the cute cat soren did for me a looong time ago and is my current banner. it's. so. round. so cute. silly but sosososo adorable
i mean my followers have probably accepted i'm a sporadic writer and i don't really have a schedule. it hurts when you try to put out your stuff but it doesn't get attention but aaa this is the internet. there's no point in overthinking that. my one and only concern is that anons that rq something i answer a few months later manage to read their rq :(
JESUS CHRIST QIAN YOU HAVE 1.1K FOLLOWERS?!?!? big big biggest writer indeed. i just checked mine and it's 744 followers which is an insane number for someone who posts so little!! what you said about the leo fic... i can only hope. i personally think i suck at writing leo a lot. and rei. and natsume. my izumi is pretty much a mess too. see? if i love them i can't write them right. but uuuu i'd love to write a series. i've never tried that. i also considered something like a social media au bc that's usually really cute too. i don't think any of my works will ever reach that level of importance buuuuut. i'd love that
i've been working a bit on some sort of new theme for my super due revamp but i hate editing sooo much. whatever you say your themes always look super nice and cohesive <3 they're really nice to look at ;;
the fandom being big and dead (from a writing pov) is just as you said ;; i occasionally go into the tags to look for cute fanart but i don't see any writing and it's very sad. sorry to whoever might be offended by this but x readers actually carried the fandom before engstars. but we all either grew frustrated with the lack of interaction or found new interests
i simply miss that sense of community TT the nuri era... nuri feeding the entire fandom one post a day. bee coming up with the absolute prettiest things (like hello THEIR PROMPTS. i still haven't recovered from those). swanee dropping these insanely talented bombs and leaving us knocking on their askbox like "pls comeback when". soren's blog (which i actually visit from time to time bc there's a handful of fics that carry half of my mental sanity rn). runa ;;;;
see? i miss a lot of people ꒰⁎′̥̥̥ ⌑ ‵̥̥̥ ꒱ on those are only the ones that came first into mind because there are even more moots i miss... that comfy feeling of being able to jump into everyone's askbox and be silly... nostalgia hitting hard ;;; makes me think i should try to join a server(s) to try and interact with people again, even if it's just some talking from time to time
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qualmishx · 2 years
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it’s been years since i last posted here. yet here i am again. same feeling with my blog’s title, scared and scarred. funny how im here whenever im at my lowest. i said to myself before that i should blog about happy moments in my life as well but im so caught up in the moment i always wasn’t able to. so yeah, im here again because i cant handle the pain anymore, maybe im that bad to deserve this pain. i dont know what to do with myself anymore im so fucking hurt and in pain, i cant even sleep properly. and it’s so sad because i have no one to talk to, i cut off and have been in a limited interaction with my friends because thats what he wants. although to be fair, even tho I have them im still not comfortable opening to somone. but now im in so much pain i can’t even put it into words. i just wanna scream it out. please. what did i do to deserve this. sobrang sakit naman putangina :(. am i really that ugly to be cheated on twice? am i really that ugly for him to do that? i dont condemn people who sells or offers lewd pictures or videocalls, i really really dont. there’s nothing wrong with that of course unless you’re a minor, that’s a no for me. but he was in a relationship, he was my boyfriend,,,,,,,, :( its so painful to be in this relationship. its so hard to compose yourself and get on with your day, its so hard to stand up and not think about the conversations that they had... its so hard not to cry, i wish i can transfer the pain physically instead i want to cut so bad just to lessen the pain, i want to sleep so bad so i wont overthink but i fucking cant. what did I do to deserve this :( ive been tolerant of everything he did to me, ive been supportive with every ganaps in his life but i dont know if i can still handle this. pls spare me the pain :( havent i suffered enough already? 
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kazooms · 3 years
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Rant.
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hawkebop · 2 years
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fuck
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princeanxious · 3 years
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For your sideswap AU (anxiety!Logan is adorable btw), are there big changes in their personalities from the original sides or do they act the same for the most part?
Also how about how they interact? Do they like/dislike the same sides or are their relationships different too?
Okay okay okay so this’ll take a lil bit of explaining so bare with me kjhkjbij
my basis of the swap part of the au is that while two side’s ‘cores’ (i.e. Logic, Anxiety, Deceit) are swapped, half of either original character still remains as a base, so theyre each a combined half of eachother in clothing style, personal motivation, *and* personality. So:
Virgil <-core swapped with-> Logan
Roman <-core swapped with-> Janus
Patton <-core swapped with-> Remus
(This got long, hiding the rest under the cut)
For instance:
Anxiety!Virgil & Logic!Logan have become -> Anxiety!Logan and Logic!Virgil, right?
So in this Au, Logan would:
-struggle with social cues
-Be hot-headed
-overwork himself
But also,
-Being anxious, overthinking and overanalyzing things
-being stand-offish on purpose bc he feels he doesnt deserve help
- struggle to trust the others whilst worrying constantly about them and Thomas
Which adds up to him being the type of person who doesn’t care what the others think of him so long as he succeeds in keeping everyone safe. He wont hesitate to start an screaming match argument if it gets the others to hear his point of view, because he often feels pushed to the side and ignored. He has the added bonus of being able to provide rational points of logic in his arguments but struggles to be taken seriously because he cant handle being taunted, and ends up lashing out because he thinks every jab is a serious one because he legitimately struggles with telling the two apart. He’s sort of like, a heightened version of both personal and external insecurity alongside anxiety, yknow?
His redemtion arc probably involved him getting so frustrated and confused by them coming to bring him back from ducking out that he literally burst into tears, because ‘I don’t understand! You all hate me, so much! I know I can’t be perfect but I can’t handle this, this, pity party! I’m not coming back knowing you’re going to go right back to hating every little thing that I do!’ Because he’s convinced himself that theres no possible way the others could even remotely like him. They *do* manage to convince him otherwise, dont worry!
As for Virgil, his character take looks a little more like this:
-Doesn’t have a high self-esteem, and can be awkward with showing vulnerable emotions
-still leans into the dark brooding shtick to be taken seriously but with a quieter demeanor, which doesnt always work
-can easily match and give playful quips, but needs time to explain himself and his reasoning
But also,
-carries a bit more confidence knowing his points and views are backed by facts
-serious insults and snips aimed at him do not land as hard on him as he knows how to brush illogical lash-out’s(like Logan’s) off as emotionally-charged but not done with malicious intent
-is able to keep up a reasonably constructed schedule, and has logical work-arounds for bumps in the schedule.
-definitely doesn’t take as good of care of himself as he likes to lead the others on to believe
I’m kinda running out of steam here to write out Virgil’s character bits all tied together as a cohesive character type but i hope what i’ve given so far will suffice??
As for the character’s interpersonal interactions, I’ll probably have to explain that more in depth in another ask bc.. I kinda want specific examples to work from because, As I said, trying to explain the relationships via the swap, where the ‘light’ and ‘dark’ sides have flipped positions with who i deemed their opposite half, but obviously not swapped each others personalities 100%, it means i’m aiming for all the original standing relationship types between the canon group to stay the same for their core positions, but just altered enough in a way that fit’s the current core-holder’s personality.
(Plus, for anyone whose curious about the au’s ships but is new to the au, it’s Roceit, Intruality, and Analogical.)
For super simple examples:
-if Anxiety!Virgil & Morality!Patton had a Father/Son type relationship, then Anxiety!Logan and Morality!Remus have a Father/Son type relationship(sort of. I’m aiming for brotherly relationship in this).
-If you headcanoned(like I do, for this au anyway) that Anxiety!Virgil had been raised by Deceit!Janus as a father figure before joining the lightsides, then Anxiety!Logan had been raised by Deceit!Roman as a father figure before they joined the lightsides.
This technically sets things up for Patton and Janus to be brothers in this au, for that reason Remus and Roman are not considered brothers. However, this does not mean that shipping Remus and Roman will be allowed in this au. Please do not take this as invitation to do as such.
Now for a bit of added fun, heres this bonus jumble of character math that i’d tried to used to explain this whole mess to ske last like at like 1 am, and some mock character interactions using this math lol:
“(Really tho its like. Solving math trying to just take two swapped characters and be like ‘okay what the fuck do we have now’ i.e Janus and Logan would actually probably get along rly well bc theyre basically swapped prinxiety, but janus and and Virgil would *STILL* have friction bc theyre swapped logince, but patton and logan would have either a raised by Roman as brothers dynamic or simply just chaotic tension bc intru thoughts and anxiety fuel eachother, but Roman and Patton would be a swapped!dukeceit dynamic, yknow??)”
———
A take on Anxiety!Logan and Deceit!Roman’s relationship:
Anxiety!Logan, having just been woken up from sleeping on the table: *hissing irritatedly at Roman*
Deceit!Roman,sitting there in all his dragon glory in still his night clothes, eyebrow raised but otherwise unphased: Good Morning to you too, 21 riots.
Anxiety!Logan: *hisses louder, bc he’s half asleep and hasnt realized it’s Roman*
Deceit!Roman, tossing the tiny feral child over his shoulder: Alrighty, Pancakes or Bacon?
A!Logan, melting into cuddle mode bc ‘oh okay this is Father, not a giant monster, its purring time then’: …Coffee
D!Roman: Pancakes it is
A!Logan: >:(
———
Aaaand a Take on Logic!Virgil and Deceit!Roman interacting:
Logic!Virgil, a lil peeved: “Are you done trying to mess with me, because-”
Deceit!Roman, smiling with a smug grin and a lil head tilt: “No.~”
Logic!Virgil, now angy from being interrupted “*listen here u lil shit*”
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rosaline-black · 2 years
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Hiii there! Hope everything’s good with you and congratulations on the follow count!! I’m happy for you, not surprised tho, cause your writing is 😗🤌 amazing!
Ok, so I’m a girl, she/her and straight and I’d like to request a 🌼 with a guy from the marauders.
I’m an introvert, hard shell to break, I isolate myself a lot, mainly in new friendships, which gives me the smart-quiet-goody-2-shoes stereotype. Socialisation haunts me and I’m shit awkward at interactions. When the shell is broken, I get very talkative. My mind is chaotic 24/7 so I shuffle between topics very fast and I stutter a little and get tangled in my own sentences, mainly when I’m excited. Im blunt and VERY sarcastic and ironic and like to dramatize stuff to make fun of it. Im very kind and put others above me sometimes, which beats my very high empathy and sensibility to pieces but oh well. I can also get very fired up in arguments cause I’m very passionate about my beliefs and values but I won’t cross the line and offend anyone as no matter how stubborn I am (extremely btw) I always try to make amends after cooling down and mediate when I’m not involved. I’m a romantic and a daydreamer. I’m smart and I like to learn stuff and to know how things work and understand them but am an extreme overthinker. I think far too much about every little thing and get insecure. Parties make me really anxious and loud people annoy me so I’d rather stay in. Sometimes I think I’m a little too mature. Like, can we talk about politics and the economic state of the world?? (Pls forgive me, i had to). Im curious but scattered so I’ll easily start a night-in (sponsored by YouTube!) by watching a video on “the most memorable Eurovision entries of all time” and end it with “inside the mind of a psychopath: a deep psychological analysis”. ✨It’s a little bit of everything all of the time✨ which reminds me of how much I love Bo Burnham. In a lot of my free time i listen to his songs or whatch his shows. I love how he’s genially funny but also #deep (I’m sorry) and brutally honest and makes you think. It’s also a good clutch for my anxiety. I consume books at a crazy speed but always love going back to some classics. I love sitcoms and rock music. Sometimes I like to spend time doing online timed questionaries about general knowledge cause I like challenging myself (and I also don’t have a life). Oh, this is very important: my pet peeve is loud chewing and gulping. Please do not eat and drink loudly yall, I beg of you. I’m very observant and have a ridiculously selective memory, I won’t remember my lunch from yesterday but I’ll remember the first words someone spoke to me 10 years ago. Im a firm believer in empathy and doing what’s right and on a completely connected note, I’m a big cuddler. I cant ever tell something funny as I’ll just laugh my ass off and I also have a very long list of musical and cinematic and ¿memematical? references that I sometimes insert all over (initially) nice conversations :) Yeah. Important information right there.
That’s it ig. Can’t think of much more rn. Sorry if I didn’t choose the most helpful information!!
Okay first of all are we the same person? Like fr I’m convinced we are omg. Please dm or something cause I screamed at the jaden smith reference.
Right so I found this one kinda easy but I match you with…
Remus Lupin
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- first of all let’s say this is modern day, Remus would be such a big bo burnham stan like come on
- you both would spend long ass days reading together, imagine you resting your head on his lap reading your respective books. Omg maybe you even have book clubs with just you two (and maybe lily too)
- I think your bluntness would coincide with Remus perfectly. Sometimes this man just needs to hear the honest truth, and he loves you for it.
- you’re both a little awkward, but with Remus having friends that are so outgoing, you benefit just like he did when he met the other marauders. They help with your socialisation problems, weeding you into the idea of a party (which I tbh just headcanon is just you all getting drunk and James turning into a deer for bants)
- imagine you and Remus being the parents of the group; you hear Sirius chewing too loud and talking with his mouth full so you both simultaneously throw pillows at his head
- Remus is also used to putting people above his own needs so he recognises quickly that you’re doing the same. He’s there to be like… no no no, eat this damn chocolate and relax right now!!!
- also one final note; cuddling Remus post full moon>>>>
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unlocktxt · 3 years
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hi 😄 i saw your reblog and i want to ask the same thing: what was your first impression of your moots?
First i want to say that I may of gotten a littleeeee carried away. I wanted to include as many people as possible, but some I don’t have enough to say. Despite this I might add more. I’ve met so many various people on this app and I’ve loved interacting with them all or just seeing them around. So much so that I can’t list everybody. I really love all my moots and there are so many of them that I’ll forever be grateful for. (yes i added a keep reading because this was so long and please excuse my gramtical errors)
@hoes4hoseok - our first impression was playing among us WHICH WAS SO FUN. I don’t remember much about talking to her in the game BUT I do remember that she was the first one to ever make the group chat filled with those who played with us. honestly I’m so grateful that she did that because I wouldn’t have been able to become friends with her and many others. I remember thinking that she was beyond kind and that she was good with trying to include everyone. After that I just remember hearing her voice and then DYING because she has a wonderful voice. I felt as though I related to you just a bit. Now I’ve gotten to see different aspects of her and really value her as a person and friend. She keeps things real and is so helpful. Sometimes I wish I could see what goes on inside her head because sometimes I think she reserves herself or overthinks and I’d like to give her a big hug.
@binniebutter - amie... oh amie 🙄 just kidding 😂 amie well... I also met her while playing among us in that same group. we played a lot with each other and I find that nice BECAUSE I CANT REMEMBER WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT DURING THE FIRST TIME WE PLAYED. I think I do remember laughing about her and gen tho. In our first gc I remember thinking that she had a bright personality and could keep the conversation going. I also find out we live about an hour away so I was able to connect with her about that (I also was so excited just because IVE NEVER MET AN ONLINE FRIEND IN THE SAME STATE) After that we played among us a lot together and I just remember thinking amie was EVIL. She was funny though and I felt comfortable around her. Now... I honestly think I’m pretty close to amie emotionally. It’s very rare that I put down my guard and talk to someone about certain things (I don’t really think I’ve talked to her about certain things tho) I still feel as though I can talk to her or that I can cry or rant to her without feeling judged. I don’t know how much she’s come to me about, but anytime I try to comfort her i feel like I get to know her better. I usually don’t start joking with my friends and being “rude” to them unless I know that they know I love them, which is why I’m starting to show amie sarcasm at times ☺️ I may of written too much 😅
@hyukaite I ACTUALLY REMEMBER MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS OF KAT. oml we’d send asks every now and then and I remember thinking she was a crack head. From the videos I’d see her post to that one drawing. Man if only I could go all the way back to it, but it was monthssss ago. I also remember relating to her about having to help our sisters with math 💀. I wanted to be her friend after seeing her interact with some of my other moots, but I was too shy to actually message her so I stuck with sending in asks every now and then 😂 then we started playing among us together. I remember thinking “NOOOO SHE STOLE YELLOW” which led to me falling in love with the dark green among us color JFKAJFLW. After that I remember getting betrayed by her in the game SO MANY TIMES. she killed me during the Simon says task... to tell you what grudge I hold... I still remember it. ITS SUCH A HARD TASK AND SHE DIDNT LET ME FINISH IT. She also killed me in electrical when I thought she was INNOCENT. Now... kat I don’t even know how to describe her. She has many aspects to her that I love. She also is able to help me think straight whenever I let my anger get to me.
@yawnjunie - I thought she was shy at first because when I first met her she didn’t talk much, so I felt bad because I thought she didn’t feel all that welcomed by us (no specific reason we were just introduced to blu so abruptly 😂) After that I think I was intimidated by her at first JFJAKFJERI. We also compared our schools and our grade mindset which I think really opened my eyes a little bit more. I still believe she’s really smart Zknfaltn. She makes me laugh though and she also started the network moacabinet. She’s really sweet with so many ideas, but I feel bad because sometimes I think she gets stressed easily. She’s not on much, but everytime she’s online I’m blessed with her presence.
@kkuming - gigiiiii! my first impression of gigi was fairly simple. We met on the au group chat and she seemed really sweet. I wanted to try and give gigi a warm welcome and make sure she felt comfortable. I wish I remembered more about our first meeting. I DO HOWEVER remember thinking she was v v innocent. I sat back and watched gigi get thrown into the group and laughed my ass off at how she interacted with kat. I was worried that because the others were already so comfortable with her and joking around about things that she may actually think that the “divorce” or whatever it was that kat and her had would make her upset, so I wanted to remind her that I appreciated her Zofnakfjeof. She also was taking a lot of stressful classes so I could only hope this girl didn’t die underneath all that stress. Now I- she’s crazy guys. Just kidding 😂 she’s still really sweet and jokes around with all of us. I’m glad she’s online a lot more now. she’s also really funny.
@lipbeom - I’m like 99.9% sure rynn was the first person I ever really talked to on tumblr. I thought she was a really good writer and saw that she was a senior as well, so I was glad that I wasn’t the only one on tumblr that was going to suffer through the last year of school. I was so glad when she messaged me first like Y’ALL HAVE NO IDEA. When I first met her I remember thinking she was really sweet AND BEYOND SMART. I’m really grateful for rynn and I actually miss her a lot because I feel like I don’t interact with her as much as I should. She was very supportive and still is. It’s only been a few months since I first talked with her but I’m reminiscing 😂 She also got me hooked on selling sunset WHICH WAS AMAZING but I was talking like the girls on the show for WEEKSSSSSSS.
@bbhyeoliskooks - I don’t really remember how I came across her, but I realized she was a new moa writer and wanted to check her out. My first impression... hmmm I guess you could say that I believed she was very grateful even when she didn’t have to be. Sometimes she makes me feel old 💀 but she’s reminds me a little bit of my sister... just way sweeter. She’s very loyal and anytime you tell her you’ve posted something oml she’s wonderful. She’s the type of person who is really supportive and I appreciate that, but sometimes I feel like I don’t give her enough of ittttt. I really need to go stalk her blog now as for some reason I don’t see her notifs half the time. I’m really proud of her and think she’s one of the sweetest people on tumblr NOT TO MENTION SHE SINGS BEAUTIFULLY.
@txthearteu - oml cj 😂 she is also one of the first people I talked to on tumblr. I don’t really remember our first impression tho :/. I DO REMEMBER I READ ONE OF HER STORIES THO and i sent an ask about it because she deserved the recognition for it. Hmmm at first I believe I was intimidated because she is older than me 😂 however she was so extremely sweet and I loved talking to her. I tried talking about various different things with her because I wanted our conversation to continue hehe. She stays feeding me 😌 and even if I can’t physically eat del taco I get full off of the love and support cj gives me. My eyes light up when I see her in my notifs. I think she deserves the world and I always want to be there for her. I don’t think I can ever repay her for the love she’s given me.
@sung4oon - SAM I SWEAR IF YOU CHANGE UR URL BEFORE I HAVE A CHANCE TO POST THIS! I met her when her url was... 👁👄👁 lixxie sumtin. I think it was lixieebear. I truly don’t remember her first impression 💀 the only thing I remember was thinking that she was also a crack head. She was really funny and sweet and DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE WHOLE BRAINCELL THING. I should’ve given her my brain cells for christmas. I still think she’s really fun to talk to and I literally try to remind myself as much as possible that I need to go stop by and send an ask every now and then. Even so she still says hi to me ☺️
@beomiebear5 - R A I N A. hehehehehehe I actually love this first impression for me. At the time I saw her anon asks to rynn. I saw that she was going to start posting stuff on her blog soon and she gave a hint about how to find her. Ofc I let rynn do that herself BUT I went searching KFJSIFIWFKW I couldn’t help it I saw it as a challenge. My first impression was rlly just that she was sweet. Then after a while KFJAOFJWOF I really love interacting with her and seeing her rants. Gosh she’s so funny and ✨inspires✨ me. I’m always down to talk to her because she’s amazing and sweet.
@magicisland9-34 - lillie ☺️ I honestly don’t remember our first impression? I do however remember when she first sent an ask! I would always get so excited when I got an ask from her 😂 I loved talking to her and she let me ramble on and on. Whether that be about gymnastics or ballet. Once again even lillie is sweet, but she’s betrayed me for siding with amie about Christmas 😤. She’s also one of the people that I try to remind myself to go and visit their blog and see what they’ve posted.
@spookybias - if I remember correctly gen was the first one who reblogged my about me post, which ended up allowing others on this app to see that I was a new writing blog. She was also one of the first people I followed and one of the first who followed me, so I was really grateful and thought she was beyond helpful and nice. I also really believe she’s a great writer and i admired how she would tell things how they are. She’s always been sweet to me even if she’s threatened to shoot me a while back 😤. OH YEAH we also played among us together in that group as well and I always suspected her at one point. IT WAS BECAUSE THE ONE TIME I TRUSTED HER SHE KILLED ME.
@bffsoobin - My first impression of Sara was pretty simple like I found her blog and fell in love. she writes so well and I’ve loved everything I’ve read from her. I thought she was really pretty and pretty funny too. When she’d talk about some of her stories revolving school it honestly made my day as well. I admire her especially because she’s such a good writer and LET ME TELL YOU when she followed me back I think I did a little cheer. I was reading her fics before I even started writing on tumblr.
@soobcxre - I saw Sara around because we had a lot of moots in common and when I saw them interact I would just think about how I wanted to befriend her 😂. When she texted me I got so excited, but I WAS SO CAUGHT UP IN SCHOOL TOO. She’s also really sweet ajfjwkfjw and I’m glad to have met her.
@lovesickchoi - MADDIE 🤩 I.... I don’t remember my first impression of her 🥲. It may of revolved around asks? I think I ended up trying to get to know her more at the time I was trying to get to know yoonie. I say this because I remember always seeming to get their urls mixed up... I think it’s because the h at the beginning. I LITERALLY DONT REMEMBER HOW WE STARTED INTERACTING. She’s also an amazing writer tho! Now I still think she’s sweet and we’ve talked about yeonbin together 😂.
@sunoo-luvs - 🥺 zaara JFJAJRKSKF literally my first impression was “cute.” That still stands btw. She’s absolutely the sweetest and is really considerate of others IM SCARED BECAUSE SHE MAY APOLOGIZE FOR THINGS THERES NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR. Even so she can easily add happiness to people’s day with just a hi and a hug.
@i2gyu - I- first impression: scary. IM KIDDING wait... actually even though that was a joke because she used to stop by and say “boo” I MAY OF ACTUALLY FELT INTIMIDATED BY HER AT FIRST. I think one of the first times we interacted was about a network and at the time I was ready to join a network SO I FELT SO BAD FOR SAYING NO. Afterwards tho I realized how nice she was and I always end up getting a little energetic once I see she’s sent in an ask. One day I’m scared I won’t see her change her url or blog, but that’s if she does again.
@fairycore-gyu - I haven’t interacted with anyone new recently and when I saw kira that obviously changed 😂. I related to her with music taste and stuff. LET ME TELL YOU when someone seems to have the same music taste I JUST my eyes light up. She was really welcoming and I instantly felt like I could message her anytime. I also just realized she’s a pisces 🥺.
@yoonjunie - I just remember thinking ooooo new moa writer! I think anyone who comes across her can say she’s very welcoming and sweet + she deserves everything she has. I really just wanted to support her 😂 I need to interact with her more and read more from her blog.
@hyeyoonwrites - yoonie 🥺 AHHHH okay 😂 first impression: LITERALLY THE SWEETEST. I know I’ve said that so many people here are sweet but yoonie is a different kind of sweet. I don’t know every single time I’ve interacted with her has felt like a soft hug. She’s supported me a lot and I really need to check up on her more frequently I feel guilty about it aifoshf.
@txtextme - gon I- even though we haven’t talked much she’s extremely funny and relatable. she just has this vibe that I love about her. I know I don’t have much to say, but I had to add her because she’s left an impact.
@yeonbins - VIVI HAS WONDERFUL GIFS. Every now and then I’ll see her post some stuff just talking and akfjskf. I mainly remember (I think) Starbucks getting her name wrong. Her names so pretty tho. I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE HOW MUCH OLDER SHE WAS THAN ME. I also played among us with her for a lil... I was scared she was gonna murder me 😂.
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littlx-songbxrd · 4 years
Text
Character analisys: Christopher Lightwood
(Tlh rant part 2)
This is the result of a failed harry potter au and a hell of a lot of overthinking
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So Christopher, althought being one of the mains in the last hour and a well beloved character, doesnt get talked about enough. Neither in the books nor the fandom. His character is more often than not reduced to hes affanity for inventions, and blowing things up. As funny and lightehearted as it is, I just wish we could see him potrayed a little more well rounded. His role as a secondary character althought splendid, ( just with the few interactions we got with him I love him) was mostly, superficial through Chain of Gold. I feel as if we've never had a chance to ,in published material, get down and real with Christophers character.
A fact I'm sure we'll be resolved in later books, but it still pains me a bit when I think about it. I keep refering to his short story back in July last year and he has such a beautiful perspective of the world, such a different narrative from the ones were used to in this world of tsc . Its facinating, and it leaves much scope for the imagination so I overanalized, a bit
Christophers greatest desire in this world is to know. He wants to understand, he wants to make sense of the world that is around him. If he doesnt understand, he'll find an imperical way to make himself understand. Thats hes greatest desire, thats hes greatest need. He wants to understand the world so he can fix it. Because there is so much wrong, so much he feels could be fixed if only people were willing to learn. In his eyes if he understands the world, he can fix the world. Because no one else is willing to even consider outside they're normal methods, it falls on him. It falls on him to make new methods, be the change he wants to see
If Christophers greatest desire is to know, then his greatest fear is the uknown. The things he cant explain, the things that he'll never understand. He fears being useless, being unknowable. He relies on fact, in a way, because facts give him the hope he needs to keep on investigating. He has a hard time grasping what he doesnt understand, to the point he rejects the idea nothing can be done and tries to find imperical solutions to problems that dont have explanations (example when Jesse dies he thinks "This is all wrong. If we had met him, we might have been able to help him. To save him)
He hates not being able to know, thats why science is his armor. When the quarantine started in Chog, the first thing he did was try to make a cure. It was a fact a cure could me made, so he was set ln finding it. Because the demons in the daylight, the sickness, THAT didnt make sense. Finding a cure did, hes way to cope with problems is to focus on what he can do, the thing that makes sense in the middle of chaos. Because thats what he does, because thats what he can do. He wants so hard to understand every aspect in his life that I feel the idea that there are things he will never understand, that he can never make sense of, never fix, would terrify him
Now that we've covered all of this I have a theory, its a pretty wild one but if it were to be true it would be such an interesting concept
Christopher Lightwood, is afraid of death
Here me out! We've already established that if hes greatest desire is to know, then hes greatest fear is the uknown, that of which he cannot understand. What is the biggest what if on this earth than death?
Its exactly everything Christopher hates, its unknown, unexplored and relies solely on interpratation. Hes not afraid to die, as in the act of his life ending. Hes afraid of the concept of what comes after, afraid of all the what ifs that come with death. It would make sense considering the way he reacted to Jesses death (see above) and it would make for such an interesting concept considering that
A. He comes from a race of people who willingly accept death as just another part of life, that regard death as a privlege and tends to die young ("We are dust and shadows" )
B. Considering Christopher was almost at death doors in Chog
We've heard the narrative of so many heroes, unafraid of death. That sometimes seeked it out against the fight of they're group. But we've never heard the tale of one who fears it. With just as much valor and courage, but fearful of the unexplored territory that is death
It would be such a cool concept if this were explored through Christopher, as I believe he is the perfect character to have this fear. CC already said he would behave unexpectedly in the shadow market, maybe this can be signs of how hes dealing with facing one of hes fears the last book?
So many options to explore through kits perspective, and his desire to understand. I just hope we get to see it
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ixqritsu · 4 years
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Do you still take requests? How about headcanons of Midori, Ristu and Mika with an unequired crush on their older in age manager?
tysm for sending in a request !! i use gender neutral pronouns if the ask doesn’t specify any ALSO i almost forgot to mention sorry if it takes a bit to get to your request i'm working on a bunch of things at once and school is also taking up a bunch of my time :’)
midori
poor baby midori !! he probably wouldn’t even know what to do with himself after realizing his crush on his producer
i feel like midori is the type to overthink every interaction he has with you
he would feel awkward about just going up and talking to them, even if it’s about idol work. 
when you check in during ryuseitai rehearsals, he gets even quieter than usual
he’d stand against the wall awkwardly or just excuses himself from the room
he feels really guilty about having a crush on his producer
relationships between idols and their producers are supposed to be strictly for work
he feels so bad about having these feelings for you because he knows it’s unprofessional for him to feel this way about you 
to make matters worse, you were a grade above him. 
he’d be far too embarrassed to tell anyone, especially any of his unitmates
confessing was out of the question— he already knew you didn’t return these feelings for him
it didn’t hurt too bad to know you didn’t like him the way he liked you— it just put him on edge around you
he knew his feelings were pointless and wouldn’t get him anywhere
so why was it that he felt butterflies in his stomach when you were in the room?
why did he put on his biggest smile on stage when he knew you were watching him?
why did you make him feel so… good?
he wasn’t the jealous type, but watching you interact with his classmates/unitmates always made put him in a sour mood
at times he didn’t mind just watching from afar
his crush on you came from a place of admiration, after all
the way you could seemingly talk to anyone about anything at all captivated him
every now and then he let his feelings slip and he watches you with despair in his eyes
you were so incredible to midori
far too kind— far too good for someone like him.
ritsu
ritsu wouldn’t be as shy— he’d actually want to get closer with you
he would just get the slightest bit flustered talking to you
you make him trip on his words and make his brain all fuzzy
he can’t help the warm feelings he gets by you just existing
no matter which way he tried to spin the story, he liked you. a lot. 
he’s never really felt this kind of attraction for someone this quick
having even the smallest interactions with you would make his day
a simple conversation would have him over the moon 
he would cherish the moments you had alone, since there were so few and far between
he’d be good at hiding the fact that he had the biggest crush on you ever and would talk to you normally around his unitmates
he seemed less like his usual lethargic, quiet self when he was around you
talking to you seemed to give him a short energy boost.
you made his heart leap in ways he didn’t think it could
the worst part of all of this was that he could never tell you how he felt
he tried to not be too bothered by the professionalism between an idol and their producer but he still knew he could never tell you how much he liked you
it bothered him knowing that he would have to carry these feelings with him until they disappeared on their own
he wanted to tell you that he cared and admired you but he had to keep his distance
mika
MIKA WOULD BE SO BAD AT HIDING HIS CRUSH ON YOU IT’S SO EMBARRASSING 
it’s kind of blatantly obvious that he likes you a little more than he would like to admit
basically everyone knows about his crush on you— except for you 
he’d go to arashi for advice on how to let you know he likes you
mika gushes about his crush to naru all the time and she thinks its the cutest thing in the world
mika loves talking about you to anyone who’ll listen 
he tries to avoid giving away your name but he does tend to ramble and your name slips out a few times by accident
his face flushes and he can’t seem to make eye contact with anything while talking about you
he gets so embarrassed and feels the need to bury his head in something
shu would tease him relentlessly about it 
he would specifically ask for mika to go find you for him just to embarrass him
“but— oshi-san, i cant— you know i cant-”
“what is it, kagehira?? too shy to talk to your own producer??”
i don’t think it would be physically possible for him to talk to you without going red
even the smallest interactions with him will make him all jittery for hours
he acknowledges that his feelings of affection are generally wrong, since he is an idol
that doesn’t do much to stop his emotions, though
he does get mildly upset when he’s reminded that you don’t return his feelings 
he feels like he’s done something wrong, or hasn’t been working hard enough for you to notice his efforts 
mika’s really hard on himself about a lot of things, and very insecure about people think of him
you are no exception to this 
what if he wasn’t good enough of an idol— what if he wasn’t good enough of a person to you
did you really only see him as another idol-in-training underclassman?
what could have he done differently— how could he have been better for you 
send in anything you’d like me to write here <3
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