#but i fear i havent even started

[lucabyte]

Hmmm just gonna spit this headcanon out in text post form since A. I don't think I could exposit it well enough in image form and B. It's not actually textually/thematically substantiated and I don't like actually staking my stuff on just vibes alone*

But anyway. I'd say it's pretty evident that all the islanders forgot their names, right? King obviously. Because why the hell else would he do that, but also Siffrin No Middle Names No Last Name.

They're 'pretty sure' they've 'always' been 'Just Siffrin' 'as long as they can remember'. It's a pretty cruel twist of the knife to say that they don't even get to keep their birth name as a memento, which is why I'm saying as such.

My utterly unsubstantiated claim is I think it'd be cute to say that Sisyphus *is* the name Siffrin initially picked, assuming the myth of King Sisyphus is recontextualised as idk, just a play or something in the setting. But I like the idea of Siffrin going 'oh shit 🫵 he's just like me fr' at a tortured fictional character long before the irony kicks in.

As for how Sisyphus -> Siffrin. I think that chronic mumbler and emotional doormat Sif just did not correct people who misheard the name during their time travelling, and went through enough places with incompatible phonologies (pronounceable sounds in the language) without ever really writing it down that it just got kinda. Changed until it was unrecognisable, and Siffrin just went with it until the earlier pronunciations slipped out of their swiss-cheese brain. And they just kinda don't remember any of that.

Also, something something the horrid realisation that Siffrin also named themselves after a King. Just not as blatantly.

*(though I think there's something here about Siffrin, a guy from a belief system that seems to thoroughly disincentivise autonomy and self-motivated choice continuously having their hand forced to make changes/choices they don't want but have no choice but to... It's not solid enough to really back this up tbh, but it informs it.)

Anyway.

#theres also something one of my french-speaker friends said about siffrin's official pronounciation being the feminine way to pronounce -in? #which i dont know enough about to really corroborate and theyre busyyyy and havent started the game yet so i cant really ask #im sure someone else has already voiced this easy-to-come-up-with headcanon anyway but just in case nobody has i decided to post it #isat #isat spoilers #in stars and time #isat siffrin #isat loop #i also personally picture sif (and loop especially) being more hostile to the concept of changing themselves after The Encounter #both of them being big grudge-holders and that 'want' to control your own destiny being clearly against how they interpret the universe #as for whether they should be so hostile? probably not! but they appear to be anxious in fear of some kind of divine retribution should #they like. ever even dare to Want. and uh. well. that certainly went well for Loop. not sure they'd be gung-ho to do it again #so Loop being able to go 'oh well it wasn't my REAL name' as a salve for having to make a new identity AGAIN.... #while sif is explicitly clinging to it as an anchor for Who They Are If Nothing Else.. they can upset each other and also mirabelle i think #lucabytetalks

[hella1975]

all hate to tiktok for taking 'having a space to more openly and actively talk about different cultures' to mean 'cultures are NOT to be shared and we must be vigilantly defensive of our cultures for fear of appropriation, a word that can be applied to any multicultural interaction'. like of course cultural appropriation is a very real problem but ive seen with the access to global multicultural conversation that tiktok provides it's made people TERRIFIED to even interact with cultures other than their own for fear of 'doing it wrong'. like at some point you have to acknowledge that in the real world of the great outdoors, the majority of people are eager to SHARE their cultures. yes there are ignorant questions and biases but also... how do you think those things get unlearnt? i dont understand how deciding that multiculturalism is an elephant in the room instead of a normal thing that should just be talked about and lived with is supposed to benefit anyone? and kids on tiktok are CONVINCED that it's a time bomb of a conversation to have and therefore must be avoided at all costs but like. people generally LOVE their home and their culture and are PROUD of it and want to share it. how have we made it so that showing genuine interest and a desire to understand something so integral to a person's identity is now feared and borderline demonised?

#thinking about this a lot lately. thinking about how fun it was comparing cultural differences in america #thinking of how when i was homesick one thing i found a great comfort in was talking about my home #and how it differed and i really loved and appreciated it when people would ask me about england #in a way that they genuinely just wanted to learn about it and not to take the piss #thinking about how the kitchen at work has chefs from all over europe. we have an irish chef and a spanish chef and an italian chef #and one of the kps is from eastern europe (i havent actually been able to find out where yet) etc and the way they banter with each other #like usually chefs are Problematic bc their humour is VERY abrasive and usually offensive #but this is one instance where it's actually to their benefit bc they're so unafraid to ADDRESS THE FACT THEY HAVE DIFFERENT CULTURES #i feel like the tiktok gen are so petrified of even acknowledging other cultures let alone discussing them #that it's actually sending the conversation backwards. like how does hoarding your culture and pretending it's not there benefit anyone #LET ALONE YOU AND THE CULTURE IN QUESTION. idk it just baffles me a bit that something that started as people on tiktok #genuinely spreading information and talking about the BAD side of this where people DO culturally appropriate or invade spaces that arent #theirs has now become 'for fear of speaking bad about it we will not speak about it at all'. and they'll crucify you if you do. like what #even at uni my best mate is indian and she's too scared to join the sikh society on her own so i regularly go to the events with her #and im typically one of the handful (or the only) white non-sikh there and i get SO welcomed each time #like there's such a genuine excitement to share the culture with someone who is effectively a blank slate #and like yeah ill ask 'dumb' questions or i'll have different experiences (tried a samosa for the first time at one of these events #and the moment that info got out i had like five STRANGERS trying to give me different samosas to try and it was genuinely such #a laugh bc yes they were TEASING me bc 'how have you never had one' but they were also really eager to share MORE as a result) #ugh idk what im saying. i just think it's a shame to watch this happen in real time on the internet #when if people would just go outside and actually TALK to people from other cultures they'd realise 9 times out of 10 the interactions #are actually really really nice for BOTH parties. and actually refusing to talk about this stuff is long-term pretty fucking detrimental #and it also goes the other way!!! like imagine if i - citizen of colonisation motherland herself - didn't interact with other cultures #and didnt ask questions or hear their opinions on whatever shared history we have from THEIR POINT OF VIEW #imagine the kind of shit id be internalising bc i only hung out with other white british people. it wouldnt matter if i was doing it #to be woke or 'respect their culture'. it would still be fucking ignorant. like half my interactions with other cultures #see me as the butt of the joke bc of this like aforementioned irish chef at work VOCALLY slates the english all the time #but it's done in an environment where we're FRIENDS and it's poking fun at each other while still addressing a very serious history. like?? #idk if any of this is worded in a way that makes sense but yeah. i have thoughts #cant believe i got inspired to make an actually serious post bc of the CHEFS AT WORK. embarrassing. no one let them see this

[bunnihearted]

hmm rn i just wnna be someone's gf. living together. cooking together. just hugging them in the scary cold lonely night :(( holding hands while brushing our teeth. cuddling while watching tv... idk just that comfort. i want it >.<

#i was just watching.... andrew nd chris' cooking video and started thinking abt this lol #whenever im in pain i get these feelings even more bc i feel the loneliness of being... alone even more skskksks 💀 #idk i just also like the idea of being able to spend evenings/nights w thme bc we live together so yeah #idk i just want to hug someone nd feel close to them T-T to know im not alone in the world to face these fears nd horrors #wewoeoeowooeoroeowowooeoeoeoeow i haaaaaaate admitting these feelings or talking abt them but yeh #i was just daydreaming abt being a gf and making fucking tea for my partner.. in our kitchen.. at night time #and then when i sit on the counter they'll circle their arms around my waist and hug me tight #while we wait for the kettle to boil da water.... 😳🥴🧍🏻‍♀️ #i havent had a hug in years and i've never had a really close hug #sigh sigh sigh i dont know. idk if i could do this and not die out of embarrassment of being a person but #wth... watching that cooking video started a whole daydream scenario for me like #now me nd my hypothetical partner are playing hide and seek in our home in the middle of the night wtfff..... 🧍🏻‍♀️ #📓💭

[martyrbat]

shaking some of you by the shoulders and forcing you to confront if your self proclaimed pretentiousness is just an excuse to be casually classist or ableist

#i had a big thing in the tags that no one would care about but they boil down to this: #1) sorry for dropping off for a few days its because i didnt wanna spontaneously deactivate because i do love you guys #but sometimes some of you make me want to straight up deactivate because i feel like im being laughed at or judged #and the ‘oh no ransom i didnt mean YOU when i was mocking something that applies to you’ is (surprisingly!) not fucking comforting!! #and 2) havent wrote a word since it because it just made me feel like shit even tho it was unintentional #and made ny little excitement to start back into my wips just turn to that nauseating fear and insecurity again lol #and 3) again. love you. but for the love of god sit with yourself and ask why do you feel a certain way/think thats okay to say. #what was your intention in mocking something that you KNOW applies to other people. not something fictional like a ship or comic or game. #but something that actually applies to their real life and their ability to do or create something. #like be pretentious! whatever!! but if its motivated by you wanting to feel more superior than other ppl then thats just mean and gross!!!

[hyperfixated-homo]

Ohhhh baby I am invested in your horror au already! My favourite genre mixed with my favourite show (seriously the brainrot is real send help) holy moly these look good! I can't wait to see more! I need to know more! Uh please ^^~

(this is my first ever ask I apologise! My little ghost boi needs to know too!)

Hello friend!! So fun fact, I literally had EXACTLY the same thought process when coming up with this au. Hey, what if I combined my special interest in horror stories with my current obsession? And here we are :)

I don't really have much to say about the actual story yet other than random concepts so I'm just gonna drop them here-

My initial idea for the way they cross over is by making them all part of alternate dimensions. The idea there would be that each of them are being tormented in their own universes, only able to escape after... doing something, I'm not sure yet

Maybe facing their worst fears? Or overcoming a certain challenge? Surviving a certain amount of time? Literally just finding an exit? Honestly, there are endless possibilities.

Either way, when they escape they find their way into the lair. I would imagine it being a sort of hub, away from all the absolute nightmares they have to go through in their own worlds.

They would meet each other, other family members, and possibly other characters from rottmnt there. I like to think that everybody else has been there for a long time, but the turtles only managed to escape when they were teens

So everybody else is sort of adjusted and learning how to cope but the brothers are very much still traumatised from their own dimensions

And (because honestly I just crave suffering) they need to go back into their dimensions every now and then because spiritual connections or something like that.

So every week or so they need to go back to their dimensions and find their way back out again. :)

Just for clarification, the other characters have specific genres to deal with too, not just the turtles. I'm thinking body-horror!Splinter, monster-horror!Draxum and splatter!Cassandra. Since they'd ideally have been able to leave their universes much earlier than the others, they learnt how to embrace their specific genre and been able to use it to help them, instead of just scaring them. Ex, Draxum learning how to create monsters and make them do his bidding instead of hiding from them.

Also, just for the lolz, they have magic based on their genres too. Their ninpo basically developed in order to help them stay alive (or sane) in their dimensions! Don't know if their powers are the same or different yet though. They're probably going to be similar, but have some little changes made.

#ty for the ask! #rottmnt #tmnt #rottmnt horror au #im so happy you're intrigued by my little idiots. I've only had them for short time but im already very attached to them skdjkajd #i still actually havent got all the characters set in stone. i mentioned splints draxum and cassie because they were sort of easy lol #idk where to even START with april. that girl fears NOTHING #i also dont know. how many characters i should add into this au? #like if i should include the mutants or not? maybe just have them hang out? #idk. would love some feedback aksjdkadsl #shadow rambles

[kraviolis]

not to get personal and talk about my mental health but im getting personal and talking about my mental health bcus i need to get this off my chest in an indirect way where there is a degree of separation between myself and whoever is listening to my plight. im currently in a strange predicament where i obviously need medical help for my severe anxiety but my anxiety is so severe that i cannot contact any doctors about it

#i am experiencing heart palpitations pretty frequently due to my anxiety #i can often feel my own heart pounding against my ribcage #and feel my heartbeat in my arms & neck so hard that it distracts me #i couldnt sleep last night bcus of how hard & fast my heart was pumping #it was at 100+ bpm while laying down & trying to sleep #and then during the nap i took this morning i had stress dreams of my worst fear rn #and my worst fear is people i am not familiar with entering my home #not even just strangers. the other week my cousin came over but i havent seen my cousin in years #and i avoided her so fucking much that i didnt even SEE her. i didnt apeak to her. i heard her voice ONCE from another room #and hearing her voice was enough to set off my anxiety so fuckin bad i ended up taking a double dose of my meds that i cant get refilled #the last time i had a physical check up in like. 2022. my pulse was at 117bpm while i was sitting down making casual conversation with them #i cant tell if im actually developing a heart problem or if its all stemming from my anxiety #even just typing this all up my hands are shaking and im starting to sweat #krav talks

[atopvisenyashill]

i’m actually really nervous about twow bc i feel like every series i made my whole personality from the ages of 10-17 ended really badly EXCEPT probably farscape and ummmm well…the disney series’ aksksj hsm3 and descendants 3 written by children’s media icon and genuinely amazing director, screenwriter, & choreographer kenny ortega both had really solid endings that fit the characters & themes & also there wasn’t a noticeable decrease in quality of writing. is it unserious to compare grrm to cassie clare, rick riordan, megan whalen turner, or the hacks who wrote once upon a time? absolutely. am i gonna stress regardless? also yes.

#it’s not even just them it’s like. thg & stravaganza & artemis fowl & glee & lost & merlin & the walking dead & greys all had just. #the dumbest endings in the world that made me so fucking mad. #i’m incapable of rereading the queen’s thief bc everything after tat was so terrible i actually went to my sibling and cried over rott 😭 #what if i get twow and i’m like oh. #akskdkdjdjdjd ONE FEAR #getting on my soap box #leverage & bsg don’t count i started those at a much older age #altho EVEN THEN LEVERAGE REDEMPTION WAS SUCH A LET DOWN #I HAVENT REWATCHED IT ONCE

[vulturereyy]

THEY'RE DOING FUCKING WHAT FOR A CROWN OF CANDY????

#literally pissing and shitting myself rn #yall dont even know ive never said on here but d20 aCoC is literally like #the entire reason i started being more confident in my D&D games and i actually started trying character voices #like you can see a notable shift in our session recordings from when i started watching it #i mean u cant bc i dont post them lmfao #but there is a very clear line #is my voice for sorbet 'good' ??? not really but you know what i got over my fears bc of d20 #literally my favorite d&d thing i have ever watched and one of the only ones ive ever been able to get through all the way #like i was HOOKED #i'm going to lose it #i hope its just as good #but also worried because what draws me to d20 vs cr is the vibes the group brings and how it's very very good but not . 'cinematic'? #that may be the wrong word #i also havent watched cr since like season 2 besides clips so i admit i may be wrong dont come for me #but i am really looking forward to this amethar was my favorite #crying screaming frowing up #im going to be so normal about this #a crown of candy #dimension 20

[hassianlovebot]

ik there's a lot of debate about how palia is mixing heavy lore into what's supposed to be a relaxing, coxy life sim but also like,,, i feel like the way they're doing it now is literally fine?

the lore is definitely part of the world and the quests, but there's literally no in game timer or consequences. nothing bad happens if a player doesn't want to complete the temple bundles or skips lore dialogue or puts certain quests on the back burner (and you can choose to not see certain quests on the main ui so there's no stress there either). like,, i get that the lore Is heavy and that some people don't want that in their cute farming sim but again, there's literally nothing forcing players to interact with or care about it. i genuinely do not see the issue??

#like?? im not trying to be mean #if anyone has insight on this and could explain Why its such a big deal thatd be nice! #but i really just dont get it? #like who cares if the cozy life sim game has a dark lore when you arent forced to care about it at all #completing the temples literally just gives you some resources and rewards #there's zero consequences for not finishing the lore quests or the temples #and like maybe im wrong but i seriously doubt the devs are going to add monster fighting mechanics in the future #like Maybe but i really doubt it #and even if they do its probably just going to be like hunting? #idk man like i keep seeing discourse about the lore being too much for the game and its like.. #you dont have to care? youre not forced to interact with it? there is zero consequence if all you do is farm and fish? #so whyyy are people upset or worried about the future state of the game?? #if they meant it to be an intense gory action fighting horror game then it wouldve been like that from the start #like im sorry but theyre not going to add something like that to a game theyve always marketed as a cozy life sim/mmo 😭 #if theres a high demand for it maybe theyll make a second game or create content like a fucking webtoon aldhg #but theyre most likely not going to introduce it to the core game #like i feel like this fear is really unfounded? the devs havent said anything about changing the tone of the game? #theyve always stated that no matter what happens with the lore they want the game to be a safe and comforting space for players #so Why would they add gore or horror or force players to interact with the lore #what!!

[rucow]

sorry ive been so inactive on here lately (and everywhere else tbh), i have a lot going on irl right now and i havent had the motivation to rly work on any art or writing this entire month 😔 but hopefully after things calm down i'll get to draw again 💔

#txt #nothing bad happened just. ive had to be at the vet a lot with one of my cats (shes ok she just had some minor procedures done) #and its been 37-40C every day and my bedroom gets as hot as 33C on the worst days and i just Cannot draw in a sauna #i havent even been turning my laptop on bc i dont want to fry it fhshdd #it has started to cool down now so i can finally!!!! clean my room without dying 😭 and also sit down and draw maybe #also. my mom is at the hospital for a few days (shes getting thyroid surgery) and by christ i loathe living alone #u forget u have psychosis until its nighttime and dark and ur alone and u get paranoid and fearful and cant sleep bc u see things OUGH #i!!! am!!! living!!! a literal!!! fnaf!!!! nightmare!!!! life!!! 😭😭😭 #i survived my first night alone tho its gonna be ok #my mom should be home tomorrow :') i hope she recovers fast oof #i did have. two crying instances bc i hate being alone but im over it now the worst is behind me #(yes i know im 25 but i mentally cannot live alone its too dark and quiet and scary and i am Babey.)

[hella1975]

lord ABOVE what did declan mckenna put into brazil for it to hit like that

#I HEAR THE RIFF LYRICS HAVENT EVEN STARTED YET IM ON THE FUCKING FLOOR #THINKING ABOUT GREEN FIELDS AND MY HOMETOWN FRIENDS AND LOCKDOWN AND HER AND BIG PLANS AND BIGGER FEARS AND AND AND #I HEARD HE LIVES DOWN A RIVER SOMEWHERE!!!! #song rec

[mrfoox]

An girl in my courses was talking about her current bf and it all sounded fine and then...

She said how he regularly destroy his gaming equipment bc he gets so upset, have destroyed other items in the house when he's angry. How he have and will regularly spend HOURS of his time to 'get back' at people who greif him in games (yes hours). And she explained all this and more while smiling and laughing

And I was just sitting there like

#miranda talking shit #Girl thats not cute that's really concerning on many levels and you should not be smiling and laughing about this #Its common to get upset in video games but like if you regularly destroy things bc of it... You need to see someone about that #Granted i have an huge fear of anger especially uncontrolled like this but like... Even our course leader looked uncomfortable hearing this #'oh but hes nice to me and not mad at me' okay for now but if he ever is... Uh... You should be scared #I would not trust that type of person around me period. Just the potential of them hurting me or anyone else yeah no #Anger is an normal emotion and even if it scares me i understand that but uuuuh theres an line of what is okay #When you start acting out in such destructive ways... Something needs to change #She mentioned she was going to 'babysit him' this friday bc he was going to drink and play games with his friends i just ... #Im so concerned. Alcohol can make generally controlled people become aggressive . I'd nkt trust someone #With these obvious anger issues around alcohol... I am guessing she havent been together with him for so long since she seems so #Into him and all... But please ... Girl im begging you run.

[thefoulbeast]

ah suckerpunched by fic idea at the worst possible time... what if. scientific horror of daniil made inhumane by unfortunate experiments...

#its about clinging to what you know even as you feel something is terribly wrong #its about reaching out to someone not quite a friend who you havent met since events of game but have kept correspondence with (burakh) #and asking him to help you figure out where you stand now because you cant trust yourself to go outside lest you start eating people #its about the fear the panic the urges warring with your morals #its about being offput by your new needs but succumbing anyway because the other choice is endless suffering (trademark) #now. most likely i wont actually write this but imagine for a second that i did... #oh the wonderful horror. the gore. the fresh and juicy meat #the eventual acceptance... #text

[wall-e-gorl]

I'd give anything to have spent my whole life in one house

#i dont want to move again #we need to but its always an awful time #everytime we move i lose all my friends and have to start over from nothing and good god i dont want to do that again #i dont even have the safety net of school for it now #did you know that the room i have now is the only one thats been Mine and the only one that i decorated. #im just 21. i only decorated it when i was like 19 because i was going insane from staring at the same blank walls #ive been so hesitant to get new things or do new things because it feels like as soon as i do we will leave #i havent started the college process half cause of debt fear and half cause of horror stories about credits not transferring #i know its not good to pause your life out of fear but what else can i do. make more work for later and waste money?? absolutely not #anyway. day just got ruined this morning. itll be fine. rant over #no need to reply or anything i just wanted to get it out

[tkbrokkoli]

finally this week w that horrible shift that i had to cover at work is over and i can play disco elysium again!!!

#not fandom related #personal log stardate #i have the same shift next week lol. slept like shit all week #and the fact that i haven't taken part in those online classes that i'm enrolled in even tho these classes are why i decided to work 6 hrs #instead of 8 so i will be qualified to do that master's course i've been wanting to do is fucking killing me #like i literally asked my boss if i can swtich from 8 hrs to 6 and luckily she agreed so now i'm earning less money while #having to pay to get a certificate for the classes and i can't even be bothered to actually take part in them lol #i mean. like. i rly want to. but i'm paralyzed w fear. what if it doean't work out what if it won't be good enough for the master's degree #so i'm procrastinating #have been for weeks #this is the reason why Ive gradsually been feeling worse and worse and worse and i'm heading towards a breakdowb #just gotta get a grip and do a few study sessions. just short ones. a few minutes a day. starting w baby steps and wormking my way up #but the fear of failure the fear of failure the fear of failure!!!!! #btw every week someone at work will ask me how my classes are going and ill say fine theyre going rly well when in fact #i havent done shit for weeks :)

[acesammy]

so i love horror but I’ve realized there’s a point of no return for me when i mainline nothing but horror for an extended period of time where I start getting Real Weird

#beein playing a horror game and also watching a Lot of horror movies/tv #in fact #Other than brba #i've watched nothing but horror for at least a month #and i am Feeling those effects #it's not even fear/paranoia #it's just that i get sad about Mean People #i havent done this to myself since 2020 and i was feeling it then too #but also once i get started on a horror kick its really hard to Unhook from it #it just scratches an itch #lea speaks