#but i'm like what if i don't end up using it for school that much... i got it with scholarshare or whatever

[ihopeiexplode]

📱 “confessions” [←Previous | Next→]

—

It's been weeks. No matter how hard he tries to make up for what he said nothing's changing it's frustrating him so much. Why won't you go back to how you used to be whenever you two hung out? Did his words affect you that much?

Not only that, whenever you two are together your always silent, you always talk about something whether it be about your day, your interests, or anything that comes into your mind, but now whenever you two hang out you barely speak to one another

He hates it. He misses hearing your voice, he misses hearing your laugh, he misses spending time with you like how you used to before

He's tired. He wants to know what's bothering you that much. But he knows you won't say anything.

—

—

Once you reached there you slowly approached Sukuna feeling skeptical, why would he want you here for no explanation whatsoever?

As you stood in front of him you could notice he felt irritated and pissed

"so what do you need?"

"what does Yuji have that I don't?"

"what?"

"how come you hang out with him more than me? You are supposed to hang out with me, not him. He's not your partner for this project i am"

"so how come you spend more time with him instead of me? Not to mention you're always laughing and smiling whenever you two hang out."

After he said that you'd sigh before running your hand through your hair before staring back at him with a obvious scowl on your face

"does it really matter if we don't spend that much time with each other? Like you said we don't have to necessarily befriend each other for this project, it's useless if I end up mistaking our relationship for friends because as you said, you'll just stop talking to me and we'll be back to how we were after this is over"

"so tell me Sukuna, why does it bother you so much that I'm treating you differently than how I used to?"

With that, he just clenched his fist before stepping closer to you

"Isn't it fucking obvious that I like you y/n? Are you this oblivious? I liked you for years, since middle school to be exact, do you really think I'd make such an effort to plan hangouts you like if I hated you? I did all of this just so we could end on good terms so at least I'd have a slight chance to be with you."

"I said all of that stuff back then only because I didn't know how to Express my feelings. I know no matter how hard I'll try you'll never love me back, I know no matter how hard I chase after you, you won't ever look my way."

"I know no matter how hard I fucking try to move on I can't. No matter how hard I try to tell myself I don't like you I know deep down I do."

After he finished his little rant he stepped back before realizing he said more than he should've. Then he looked at you only to see your eyes widening

"you can't be serious right?"

"I am."

"..."

—

[⛩️] @: Likes & Reblogs R appreciated! ^^

A/N: short part ik 💥💥🔥‼️ I also realized how I'm almost done with those series should I make another one when I'm finished w denial

Taglist: @catobsessedlady @hellomeow12 @0-candlecove-0 @shivzypuff @swirlingcurses @1-800-choke-that-ho @attackonnat @chilichopsticks @getoxmahito @memenojutsu @uhnanix @ichorstainedskin @needtoloveoutloud @love-me-satoru @s-j320 @allthestarsarecloserrrrrrr @goj0sunglasses @svtvrnal @haitanibros0007 @punkhazardlaw @mslydiaa @jayathelostdragon @caileysdead @rixyaaaa @minzxec @rzcnlb

#jjk smau #sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna x reader #jjk sukuna #sukuna x you #ryomen sukuna x you

[writingquestionsanswered]

I used to love writing when I was in high school, but stopped after I graduated because of life. Now, after almost a decade, I want to get back into it but I don't know how. I have so many ideas but I tend to bounce around the same variations and don't know how to stick to one thing, or how to just get back into the rhythm of writing actively. Or even reading actively.

Any advice?

Getting Back to Reading and Writing

What you're experiencing is what I like to think of as "the creative zoomies."

After so long away from actively reading and writing, there's now this flood of ideas, plans, books you want to read, and stories you want to write. You can't settle and focus on a single thing because your brain wants to do ALL THE THINGS, so you keep bouncing back and forth between things hoping something will stick.

First things first... DEEP BREATH.

As I said in an earlier post, remember: there is no ticking clock. It may feel like there is, sometimes, but we're just little ants on a planet doing our things. There are no deadlines unless you sign up for any, and you don't have to worry about that right now.

So... start by taking an honest look at your schedule and your life, and see if you can figure out a realistic estimate of how much time you have in a given week. Where are there slots of time you can dedicate to writing? How about reading?

Next, it can be immensely helpful if you have a comfortable, relaxing space, free from distraction and interruption, where you can go to write. Some people like to go write at a coffee shop or library to get away from family shenanigans or bothersome housemates. If it's not a billion degrees where you are, you might also try your patio, yard, or a nearby park. Listening to soft music or "ambience rooms" (tons on YouTube) through headphones can also help you focus. There are also still some different apps and programs for distraction free writing. Just make sure to save often and keep a master document on your computer to prevent losing all your work in case the app or program gets glitchy. Also: put your phone on silent, turn off your internet if you must, and let people know not to bother you. This is your writing time... don't be afraid to guard it fiercely.

As for choosing ideas, I'm a big fan of the old-fashioned methods... random number pickers, drawing out of a hat, rolling dice... But you can also do a process of elimination based on what appeals to you the most. If you get it down to two, and then you're disappointed with the one you're left with, you know the one you just eliminated is the right idea to go with.

If you're not sure what to write, try doing some writing prompts. There are lots available online and there are some great books with writing prompts. Doing one a day can be a great way to get yourself back in the habit of writing again.

As for reading, start by reading during moments of spare time, such as if you're taking a bath, riding your stationary bike, sitting in a waiting room, or riding public transportation. You can even read during your morning coffee or your lunch break. Also, embrace the world of audio books. This is one of my favorite ways to read, because I can do it while I'm exercising, showering, cleaning, cooking, driving, doing projects... I get through so many more books by listening to audio books. More than anything, just remember that once again, there's no ticking clock. You don't have to finish a certain number of books before the end of the year. Read what you want, at the pace that works for you, and don't be afraid to DNF if a book isn't working for you.

I hope this helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

#wqaadvice

[tarasmithshifts]

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐔𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐃𝐑 𝐔𝐏𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄: 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐅𝐓 part 1

𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐃𝐑. 3 years 𝐀𝐆𝐄. 17-20 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐏: sirius, remus, james, lily, peter, dorcas, marlene, mainly people from gryffindor and ravenclaw

𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐒. taken

「 ✦ 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓻𝓽 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮𝓼 ✦ 」

im crying rn. I AM SO HAPPY TO BE BACK IN THIS DR SOME CRAZY STUFF HAPPENED SOOOOO LETS GET INTO IT. THREE YEARS. gosh this is so crazy

— ୨୧₊˚ click here to read part 1 of my last update

— ୨୧₊˚ click here to read part 2 of my last update

i will write this storytime in 3 parts probably, i am noooooooot ready. NOT AT ALL.

be ready for 2 next parts because in this one nothing really happened, there was nothing crazy or something. let's say it's an interlude to the next 2 parts 🌷🌷🌷

「 ✦ 7th year ✦ 」

𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓮 - 7𝓽𝓱 𝔂𝓮𝓪𝓻

summer - sirius got his own place to live

summer- i bought a house in yorkshire

september - june -> final school year

july - odd proposition

okay so as we know we are in year 1977!! my last year at hogwarts with marauders :'( literally one of my best shifting experiences was hogwarts with my boys and girlssss

okay let's go because this is gonna be crazyyyyyyyyyy

ＳＵＭ ＭＥＲ

— ୨୧₊˚ last shift update ended in may and here i just wanted to say that i of course graduated!!! i just don't like wasting space for that info bc it's so obvious lmaoo

okay soooo i bought my house, as well as sirius!!! we got money from Alphard, who passed away and we split the money in half. i afforded a cottage in yorkshire, where i moved on in july, i was contacting with remus through letters, also because war intesified. then one day in the beginning of august he appeared at my front door and i kneeeeeeeeew something was wrong. and i was like "what is going on???" he asked if he can come inside, i said he doesn't have to ask and that he can ofc come inside, we sat in my living room and HOLY SHIT

lyall lupin is dead y'all.

my jaw was on the floor. and he didn't show any emotion while he was saying me that. and i was there. DEVASTETED. apparently death eaters killed him when he helped some aurors with their job outside of london, and he said that he just got the news from ministry.

and we sat there.

in my living room.

in silence.

gosh you should've seen him. i was not prepared to this at ALL. AT ALL.

so uhhh we decided that he will stay at my place for few days (he stayed with me all summer hahaha) the next day we went over to sirius to tell him, as he knew lyall as well. during next week remus planned, but it was right before full moon so i said to him that i will take care of it. i didn't want him to stuggle even more. full moon happened on 16 of july, remus was in worse state that i expected but we got through it :') the funeral happened few days later, it was a small ceremony, without anybody around us. in documents it was stated that lyall had a heart attack so there wasn't any problems with people thinking about how he actually died. he was buried next to hope lupin :(

we spent whole summer at my house, sometimes visiting his to clean up or move some stuff, and sometimes we visited boys and i went over to lily 💗 i don't have much to talk about here so i'm not going to describe anything lmao

and one of the things that we do at my house is listening to remus mum records from the opera 🥲🥲🥲🥲 it’s so cute and i can confirm, his mum was AMAZING

also i forgot to say that during summer sirius and james encountered two Muggle police officers on FLYING MOTORBIKE. are you kidding me LMAO 😭😭😭

S C H O O L Y E A R

in this school year most of the time we spent learning for our finals :')

i needed to pass 5 N.E.W.T.s so i had a lot of work to do, as i wanted to become auror in the ministry.

also many people we knew from ministry was dying because of war, all of them were mentioned in daily propet, we read it DAILY. we didn't care for it earlier, but from that moment we read it religiously.

i think that we were also scared that there will appear a name of someone that we knew personally.

hogwarts was not the same that year.

also james and lily were made head boy and girl of gryffindor! james was super proud of himself and at the beginning he was telling EVERYONE around how cool he is. and lily is super happy with him which i'm so THANKFULLLLLL they are so cute you need to believe me lmao 💗💗

me and remus were helping each other A LOT during this school year, because of n.e.w.t.s i saw that he was super stressed about them :/

alsooo we had inter-house quidditch cup!!! we had some changes in positions, me and sirius took beaters positions (which is pretty funny because years later fred and george weasley had this position too, and they are also twins lmao) arthur browne took the keeper postition, james, geoffrey fawley and marlene were chasers, and phoebe dawson was a seeker.

also regulus became captain of slytherin team, and gryffindor lost match with them, so we were super angry but it is what it is lmao 😭

also boys did not spend that much time with each other, all of them became more serious about their future (okay, maybe except sirius lol) so they were not doing that much pranks etc. i spent more time with lily, she helped me a lot with potions too, also we sat together on potions because slughorn LOVED HER. literally she was his pearl in the eye,he invited her to his partys etc, gave her books she could learn from even more, which helped me not her LMAO 😭😭😭😭😭😭

ALSO from funny things that happened, one night after mine and sirius' birthday, we were sitting down in boys dormitory, me, ofc marauders, marlene, lily and dorcas, there was silent moment and sudenly dorcas went "is it only me or dumbledore is gay" AND WE WERE LIKE "WHAT" and we had full debate if he is gay or not LMAO and yup the verdict was that he is gayest of all gays ever LMAOOOOOOOOO 😭😭😭😭😭😭

about n.e.w.t.s - I PASSED 6 SUCCESSFULLY IM SO HAPPY AHHHHHHHHHHH

DADA - i totally slayed this one HA

POTIONS - it went better than i thought, so i'm safe with this one

CHARMS - it went even better after dada exams because i was sure it will be easier than dada one, and i was right

TRANSFIGURATION - thanks to mcgonagall, without her i would be screwed with one lmao

HISTORY OF MAGIC - okay this one went worse than i expected but i still got E

CARE OF MAGICAL CREATURES - this one was HELL. literal HELL TO ME because i did not like this subject and learning it for n.e.w.t.s was a torture, but i passed it with E

me and remus decided to move into my house together :')) so did lily and james, they bought a cute house at godric's hollow 💗💗💗

J U L Y

me and remus lived in yorkshire, we used teleportation to see sirius, peter, james and lily from time to time. in the middle of july sirius appeared at our door. we were at home, so we let him in. and he started yapping about some kind of order, he was talking so fast we literally had no idea what he was saying. when we sat him down, he started from the beginnig, and he told us about the order of pheonix. that dumbledore is looking for people that are talented and brave enough to fight against voldemort. and that he wants to prepare us before dumbledore will appear at our door. he said that he already joined the order, as well as peter. he started telling us who already is there, and that he wants to give us more time to think because albus wants immidiate decision.

so after sirius left me and remus were talking for HOURS about what should we say to dumbledore after he will appear. and we both agreeded that joining order will be the best decision for us. we could finally help in war, and not only help other wizards but also save muggles.

in the evening somebody appeared at our door. we heard the teleportation sound outside. out there it was very dark, like every light on the street disapeared. remus told me to stay inside and opened the door by himself with his wand raised, but he only saw dumbledore, and immediately lowered wand. dumbledore looked at him and just said "if it wasn't me, you would be dead already remus."

i stood in the kitchen but observed the whole thing, and finally stood outside so albus would see me too. "you should ask me a question" said dumbledore, still not coming inside. i just stood there and waited for remus to say something, and remus finally spoke "who told severus snape about the secret" obviously he was telling about the prank, dumbledore only smiled and said "oh of course mr. black" and came inside. he looked around and i showed him the way to living room. me and remus sat on the couch, while dumbledore sat on huge armchair that we bought recently. "you need to be more creative next time" he said "they can get such and information" and after that he started to TALK and when i say talk, he talked for like about 30 minutes NON STOP. about the order, about his trust in us, about the need of our magic, about the importance of defeating voldemort. and after he stopped talking, he just looked at us, and we both immediately said "yes".

and from that moment, nothing ever will be the same.

「 ✦ end notes ✦ 」

gosh i finally published this

HELLO IM SO BACKKKKK and i can't wait to tell you more, because this was super short and it was just the beginning of spiral chaos that will happen, so BE READY.

anyways, IM SO HAPPYYYYY and i can't wait to tell you moreeeeeeeeeeee 🌷💫💗

#reality shifting #desired reality #shifting community #shifting #reality shifter #quantum jumping #shifting realities #marauders

[flwrcrxwnlyon]

Des probably shows Pirandellian character traits: fun analysis (SPOILER AZRAN LEGACY)

First of all, I'm just a student who studied Italian literature as a subject at school, so please take all of this with a grain of salt and feel free to add your considerations. (And I hope that my teacher doesn't have Tumblr because it would be very embarrassing.) Also, maybe there are some regional differences, for reference I'll use the italian version of the game.

We all know that Descole is a broken husk of a man; Desmond Sycamore is dead; stuff like that. But I want to share with you guys a personal point of view about his character while using what I studied and STILL STUDYING for final exams ("maturità")

In order to understand what I am going to say, I need to explain a bit of his theories, which are also used in his novels, especially what we call "la teoria delle maschere."

Before talking about it, we need to essentially explain the concepts of life and form:

Life is a continuous change, a stream, and form is the structure where people try to contain life in order to make it more understandable by putting or letting people put a mask on ourselves (for example, a name, a role, etc.) that covers our true selves, our identity, which, just like life, changes and isn't coherent.

But since life is a continuous change, people are destined to face the fact that their identity isn't something stable. Usually it's a peculiar event or some random stuff, and they have different reactions to it. One of them is trying to escape from the form.

An example of this in Pirandello's books is Mattia Pascal, a man with a miserable life who decided to change his identity in order to escape from it, taking advantage of the fact that everyone he knows believes that he died, but in the end he realised that in his new form he couldn't be free, and he couldn't even go back to the old one since everything changed.

Now you may be wondering: What does that have to do with Descole?

His character is mainly centred on the theme of identity, just like Hershel Layton (but he accepts it) and the whole Azran Legacy game, but I wanted to focus on how he was written and especially how his life revolves around this, personally more than Hersh, and how his reaction is different.

Okay, basically the point is that his life is characterised by huge changes, and escapes from the form as a reaction to the event, which lead him to be stuck in an another form.

FIRST FORM: Hershel Bronev

For Pirandello, our first form is the name that our parents gave us. In the case of the Bronev Brothers, they broke pretty easily, and in Des' case, he gave up his name and his form in order to let his baby brother be adopted by the Laytons. This led Theo with a new form that wasn't his and Hershel "not being him" anymore.

SECOND FORM: Desmond Sycamore.

We don't know much about the period after the adoption of his brother. The only information that we have is that he was probably adopted by a family (the Sycamores), and he presumedly met Raymond at this point in the timeline. 

Desmond Sycamore is the name of his new form, perhaps even given to him by his adoptive parents. He acknowledges his past but presumebly tries to move on, in fact by getting married and creating his own family. But the event of the death of his family is going to change him even more. Killing off this form.

THIRD FORM: Jean Descole.

Now we start with the interesting stuff.

After the death of his wife and his daughter, Descole claimed that Desmond had died, and he, a broken husk of a man, substituted him.

On a more superficial perspective, the reason behind this change of personality could be grief, but to be honest, it doesn't explain why he thinks badly of his past self.

Sure, survivor guilt exists, but I don't think that it's the reason behind it.

I tried to reflect on it a bit more, and one of the explanations that I could give was that, actually, he could feel responsible for anything that happened to his family.

Maybe he wasn't present at the time that the tragedy had happened, maybe he found them already dead. Because of his incapability of defending them, he developed hatred and rage, so as a reaction, he created a new form. One that wasn't a fool and was the exact contrary of who he was and also with the objective to escape from the sense of guilt by separating his present self by the past one.

AZRAN LEGACY: Trying to go back.

Since Des needed help in order to solve the mystery of the azrans and what their legacy was, he presented himself as his past form: Desmond sycamore.

But the truth is that he can't really come back to be him. Just like Mattia Pascal, he changed mentally. He's a different man from before.

We can see that especially during his interactions with Bronev in the Nest, when his rage almost explodes just like Descole's.

But at the same time, it is clear that this whole travel with the layton crew changed him.

Maybe there isn't much evidence, but I personally think that he started to get emotionally close to them, and we can see that with the fact that he saved Luke from the laser.

At the end of Azran Legacy, he can't go back to be Descole anymore because of this and it's unfortunate how Level-5 didn't focus on this thing (just like the other relationships between the characters.)

EXTRAS: Aurora and Des confrontation.

[Image translation: "Now my wife and daughter are gone, and with them, that fool Sycamore."]

In the extras, we have this interesting interaction between Des and Aurora, where basically they talk about Descole.

After Des said that he isn't Desmond anymore, Aurora rebuts him, explaining how he was still capable of loving and hoping for the future, and that he can't really escape from his past, from his memories.

She calls Descole a character, a mask that he used to cope with his pain, and after Des tried to say that "Desmond is gone," Aurora remarks how technically still exists through his actions.

This is evidence of how Des identity changed again and how, as I explained before, even Descole isn't the same as before.

The extras concluded with Descole with a hidden desire to follow Aurora's reflection about resisting and basically moving on. Not forgetting his past.

Conclusion: Who is the true des?

Now there's a discussion in the fandom about who des really is, mainly divided in Desmond or Descole.

While descole is CLEARLY formed after a huge trauma, we also need to consider that Desmond isn't a "true form" either. This is also evidenced in the game.

At least in the italian dialogue, des talks how when he was still in Desmond form, he hoped that he could have lived a normal life with his family (and in the next lines said that he hoped that he would forget about revenge).

But neither Hershel Bronev is his true identity either now. That belongs to his brother now.

So? Who's the true form?

The scared child that hoped for a better life for his brother?

The man that couldn't save his family?

Or the husk blinded by revenge?

Maybe it's all of them, maybe it's no one. After all, we learned that the people's identities aren't stuck. They evolve, and they are complex and contradictory sometimes.

Personally, I don't think there's a true truth. We can just analyse and express our personal thoughts about it, we aren't this character, and there are a lot of points of view on this story, so there's anything concrete, just his events and his narrative of it.

#but thats just my thinking #or overthinking idk- #professor layton #desmond sycamore #jean descole #hershel bronev #azran legacy spoilers #professor layton and the azran legacy #pl series #pl spoilers #level 5 #robthoughts

[hopeinthebox]

tagged by the gorgeous and fabulous @cordiallyfuturedwight and @aprylynn for february's roundup:

tagging the usual music favs: @jiminsproof @thvinyl @jimin-gaon @visionsofgideontheninth @spicyclematis @kimchokejin @jihopesjoint @monismochi plus @kimtaegis for the amy macdonald of it all 💜 and also you, dear reader. MWAH

#heads up! here comes the director's commentary: #16 Carriages - now listen. i love texas hold 'em as much as the next daddy lessons supremacist #but holy shit. it doesn't hold so much as a candle to this track. #just unbelievably stunning. i'm begging you to give it another chance if you skipped over it the first time #Don't Forget Me - me and kayla and apryl all having ms rogers in this month's list... i think we might be better than everyone else actuall #End Of Beginning - good GOD we couldn't gatekeep djo any longer but it's worth it if only for all the bear tiktok edits. #and thus i have fallen for this track all over again. yes CHEF #Showtime - now if you've known me long enough you'll know i'm an absolute sucker for british indie rock bands #especially if their frontman looks like they might not make it through another winter #so you can imagine catfish has had an inexplicable hold on me. anyway their comeback single is actually pretty good #This Is The Life - fantastic tune. 2007 if you can believe it? #what a time to be alive and at the school disco and you're singing the songs and thinking this is the life and so on and so forth #Loving You Will Be The Death Of Me - tom odell can do no wrong in my eyes (ears?) anyway. lovely lovely new album #Never Need Me - been loving rachel for a while now and this single is brilliant. highly recommended. #plus the video features florence pugh and if that doesn't sweeten the deal then christ i don't know what will #Baby Now That I've Found You - i didn't even realise this was a cover of the foundations until hearing it again recently #because alison krauss just has an incredible way of making them her own and thus it's been on repeat. #Deeper Well - okay so now i'm seeing the country thread through this month's picks. #this is another lovely new one. hearing it on the radio and the fact that they have to censor “i used to wake and bake” is hilarious to me #shoutout kayla again because great minds.. #Stay For Something - CMAT is phenomenal and if you haven't listened to her yet i can't recommend her entire discography enough. #she had her arsecrack out at the brits last night and well. i would die for her #(speaking of the brits. raye... i literally cried for her. go find the recording of her live at the royal albert hall. #-watch it twice and then come back and thank me) #artists-wise - most of these guys are consistently up there. #katie melua is a new feature this time because all my amy macdonald-ing put me back onto nine million bicycles. #used to get that one mixed up with 99 luftballoons but they're really very different. i'm a fool #so tl;dr: fantastic tunes. do listen #tag #receiptify

[finiel]

ms paint gideon to test my new laptop's palm sensitivity + stylus functionality (poor and acceptable respectively, if you wondered)

#tlt #the locked tomb #gtn #gideon the ninth #gideon nav #tlt art #anyway. as you can see by the time i got to her shirt i gave up entirely on filling things in properly #i don't think she'd mind though #i got this laptop for school - which i start the day after tomorrow - and i've never like. used a laptop for note taking #i'm trying to test all possibilities before school starts but costco's return policy is decent so i'm not too worried #the thing is. i think i like the laptop itself quite a bit. #but i'm like what if i don't end up using it for school that much... i got it with scholarshare or whatever #hm no i probably will need it a lot #even if i don't use it for notes taken in class it'll still be needed for research and homework and stuff #so yes i think it was a good investment #it's the hp envy if anyone wondered lol #it gets a bit warmer than i'm used to and the fans are louder than i'm used to as well #but as long as it runs well i guess that's not really an issue? i hope not anyway #i have yet to look into whether that's a problem with these laptops #if anyone has pointers let me know haha #oh yeah also i did this with my blue light filter on so hopefully the colors aren't too miserable but if they are. i apologize #i mean it's all reds so there's not much to mess up but just in case #finieldraws

[moonchild-in-blue]

Can someone please either validate me or send me to the Corner of Shame? This is very silly but I'm wondering.

So. I was talking to my sister the other day about movies and such, and she told me of one she recently watched with this one actor. And I casually mentioned how much I hated him. Not in a "he's a bad actor" or "he's a bad person" way. Nothing to do with whether I find him attractive or not. Just in a "he looks the most punchable guy on earth and I have this irrational rage against him" way, to the point that I just can't watch movies with him without being annoyed.

My sister looked at me like I was crazy because, "what do you mean you hate the guy". And I told her yeah? That's normal? Don't you have at least one person you can't stand for no reason?

Sister was like 😬😬😬 No??? Which is wild to me, because I could easily name 50 (which I did - not 50 but we were getting close to 20 before i got too annoyed lmao).

Now she thinks I'm slightly insane (/j) (I made myself angry and may have referred to a few individuals as "stupid" and "obnoxious"), and I kinda don't believe I am the only person alive who feels this way. But also she's an incredibly empathetic extrovert, while I'm a very low empath socially anxious creechur so. There's that?? I guess ?? Idk.

Can anyone relate to this? Or am I the weird one?

Also wait. Little disclaimer: I am not generally a violent person AT ALL. Do i get annoyed and angry easily? Yeah. Do I feel like bitch slapping someone right across their stupid face? Yeah, sometimes, sure. Do I do something about it? Not really.

I can be real bitchy and extra sarcastic and petty SURE, but that's the most I'll do if I am legitimately angry. Mostly I just go to my room and cry 🥺 (crying when angry yes it me). So yeah. Before yall think I have unsolved anger issues.

#if you're curious. the guy in question is Thimothée Chalamet #look. from what i've seen he's good at his job and he seems a genuinely nice guy #nothing against him at all like. you go timmy 🙂👍 #i do however have an illogical boiling rage against him #i don't know what it is but i genuinely feel like punching his face everytime he pops up #maybe in another universe we were arch enemies. maybe i was his school bully. maybe HE was my school bully idk #obviously i would never do anything like that but if there's one person that looks like it could use a wedgie is him #and don't get me wrong. i DO feel about about it cus it's not like i'm choosing to be irrationally angry #and this goes for a bunch of other people #i just!!! 😡😡😡 #seeing him (as in his vibe and general presence. nothing to do with physical appearance) #is the equivalent of trying to use cling film while it keeps sticking to itself #you know that one family guy scene with Peter and the cling wrap?? YEAH. THAT. genuinely so annoyed #i've always assumed this was a common thing. as in. there's always at least one person that gets on your nerves for absolutely no reason #but i guess maybe not???? *am* i a hater??? #and btw this ONLY happens with either celebrities (in various degrees) #or people irl i've had some close proximity to <- and in this case it's always justified. i don't generally hate irl people out of nowhere #(okay there is ONE person in specific BUT i do feel slightly justified IMO. and in any case i always make sure to be as nice as possible) #(because poor girl didn't really do nothing wrong. i just have never vibed with her. i tried!! but yeah) #idk where i'm going with this lmao i might just ending up deleting it #whatever. don't worry guys you're all safe i love you very much and wouldn't slap any of you (unless asked you little freaks 👀) #darya talks to herself

[maddy-ferguson]

El and Will's characters get nothing being in a relationship with Mike. Idk why milvns think El breaking up with Mike and being an independent character would be bad for her when it is like one of the best things that will happen to her character. She is so lucky.

i don't feel like arguing because i'm obviously not gonna convince you of anything but i just wanna say that even if mike was the great boyfriend people thought seasons 1 and 2 set him up to be el still should never have been with him when she was coming out of a year of isolation and twelve years of abuse in the lab. it's literally a horror story like mike being one of the people to socialize her and her main introduction to the outside world is so gross her first boyfriend taught her the concept of privacy like ewww👎👎 it's a good story though. just not in the way mlvns think. and it would be gross even if mike had gone on to sign all his letter love, mike. and mlvn breaking up being good for el isn't even about el being independent in a girlboss she's better off not having a boyfriend ever because girls being single is feminism way it's about her identity being so tied to her relationship with mike because, again, he's the first person she formed an emotional bond with when she got out of the lab where she was abused constantly, and about her growing out of that relationship and having a sense of identity outside of it. it's so insane that people call you a misogynist for suggesting that she should have had other experiences before getting a boyfriend and just go well you can grow as a person while being in a relationship as if el had a normal upbringing when six months into their relationship she didn't even know what she liked! she didn't even know she was allowed to like things!!! besides being a hater what was hopper doing bro

#like yes girls don't have to choose between having an identity and being in a relationship. your three-year-old sister says more is a #sentence that's used to describe el five days before mike kisses her and sets the tone for the next three years of her life. also she's 14 #this is a middle school relationship like #otp: i guess it's not #i said the girlboss no bf thing even though a girl not having to have a (male) love interest is still a big deal and el being single at all #at the end of the show mlvn being a bad relationship mike being gay aside would still be a wow thing but like ykwim. maybe #but like even if you hate women and don't enjoy the el not being defined by the male figures in her life (brenner hopper mike) thing the #kid who didn't know anything about the real world being asked to a dance and not knowing what that meant and being kissed by a boy she #thought would be her brother five seconds prior to being kissed is just insane. she didn't know about privacy and her future bf taught it #to her #yes i'm always bringing up the privacy thing. because it's the best example of how messed up it is #or would've been (well no. is) like mike is a normal and yk good person but it just shows how much influence he had on her and how much #power he had over her. well it's just bsy junior bpy #isn't it crazy that i have mike haters following me #ask

[isfjmel-phleg]

It has not been a productive day, but I did get my homework done before tomorrow's session and didn't lose my composure while writing it (not that there would have been anyone here to see but still), so there's that.

#random personal stuff #there's creative stuff I wanted to write but didn't #and analysis stuff I wanted to do but didn't #my boss says that presenting papers at conventions like the one I'm going to at the end of the month looks good on a resume #and basically implied that I should continue doing it #but I've run out of papers from my grad school days and would have to write new ones #but what would I even write about? #everything I have Thoughts on isn't very academic #I've already presented on something literally no one cares about and that was utterly thankless so probably not a good idea again #if I don't get an award at convention it will be deeply embarrassing #(since there are only four papers including mine in the alumni category) #self-evaluations at work need to be done this week and I'm dreading it #I feel like a barely adequate employee and I'm afraid my boss will criticize me and that I disappoint her #and I have so much to read for looming book groups that I somehow got roped into #I feel like I'm forgetting something somewhere #why did I use to want to be an academic? I'm not even in class and my brain can't keep up #but it's the closest to the only thing I can sort of do #do you ever just...not know what you want to do or be #like at all? #there is literally nothing I want out of life #least of all what I want to be when I grow up #of course a lot of us don't know that yet #but I feel like I should by now #anyway wow sounds like I should probably sleep or something #will I do that? ...eventually?

[feluka]

i'll say it again. every SWANA girlie should be entitled to one free patricide per lifetime no charges no jail time no nothing

#devastating news today. #i learned that 1- my dad wanted to start a bet on me dropping out of uni before the end of the year. #he was serious too. thankfully my mom told him to shut the fuck up :)that's exactly what i need while struggling with my studies thanks dad #2- he's now spreading lies about me to my mom to make me look bad #he told her i lie when i say I'm going to sleep and instead i keep the lights on and stay up all night #and that he sees me frolicking around playing and having fun while claiming to be asleep #my mom called him out on being a shitty liar because when i can't sleep i still keep the lights off because i fucking hate the lights #and also she comes to check up on me at night and sees that i am asleep so she told him he's a liar #and now 3- he's claiming my whole mental health lapse thing was me faking depression to get away with having poor grades #which is funny because he took me to the psych hospital himself and told our entire extended family that I've gone crazy. #funny how he changes his story all the fucking time! #and his proof? he 'sees me chatting with people and laughing all the time so i can't be that depressed' #what people you fucking dickhead. do you know how debilitating lonely i am. do you have any idea how much it kills me. #and when my mom tried to stand up for me and say that i don't talk to people #his reasoning was that i'm being secretive about it because i must be talking to boys 😐😐😐😐 #i truly dont understand him. like my guy YOU put me in a girls school and follow me outside everyday to make sure i take the girls' train. #like what boys have i conjured out of thin fucking air. literally what the FUCK are you on about. #also now he's using that as an excuse to 'keep an eye on me' and look in my stuff and follow me around #i know he opens my phone because that absolute idiot accidentally took a photo of himself with it #and i know he follows me this isn't news to me. i just. idk. i thought we were on better terms these days???? #like i truly thought we were being friendly and cool with each other lately??? #then he explodes out on nowhere with this stuff and goes on and on about how much of his money is wasted on me!!!!! #i'm just so sad all the time and i'm truly trying to hold on and not end everything and i dont need him to do this to me right now #i'm so so sad and tired! really i don't see an end to this! #one day i'll walk into the ocean and have him fish my corpse out of the water

[da-proti-toku-grem]

sorry i needed to vent somewhere and ended up explaining my life 😮‍💨

#why am i like this bro? #my bday is in a few days but i don't feel excited about it #i didn't even feel like doing anyhing especial this year and i was so close to not celebrate it #but my mom and my bestie convinced me because “you're turning 18. isn't that exciting” #and also because “most of your friends will move to other places because of uni so you don't know when/if you'll see all of them again” #the thing is they convinced me to celebrate with my friends and close family #nothing too special but at least is something #and now i had to tell them what i was going to do so i had to create a whatsapp group and all that #and i just spent a whole hour just to think of what words to use so it doesn't sound weird #idek why i thought it would sound weird to invite MY friends to MY bday party but i always overthink everything #besides all of this idk why it gives me so much anxiety to just do this whole “party” thing yk #i guess i just hate being the center of attention and the fact that this is “my” day and everything revolves around me makes me anxious #i've always been a very reserved person but this year i've surpassed myself #like with the whole last year of high school thing and the exams to get into uni got me so stressed #and i've spent all school year (sept-june) without barely going out of my house (i literally only went out to go to class) #and i've spent all year saying: i'll go out when all of this ends in summer #but i was SO exhausted by the end of it that i just wanted to stay at home 24/7 #how did this end? well. i've only hang out with my group of friends once in the whole summer and it was on the july 4th #i've practically been ignoring the whatsapp group so i didn't have to make excuses not to meet up #i'm not proud of admitting that but it's not like i talked too much before so i guess it's not such a big deal #thinking about all of this made me realise that i might have social anxiety after all #i'm not at all surprised tbh but i didn't really know what i felt had a name yk #very random but i'm very happy that i was able to get to know JO and Jere thanks to eurovision cause i feel like they're holding me togethe #idk they just make me inexplicably happy and seeing all their content makes me smile even when i feel like shit #(big thanks to everyone on the fandom here btw ily all <3) #anyway i'll stop now cause this is turning out very long #this didn't get me anywhere but at least i feel a bit better ig #maca speaks

[poptartmochi]

unfathomable emotions after showering

also.. i hit tag limit on this, so watch out for a very long post if you hit read more on the tags! 😨

#it is frustrating that overall it is fine for customers to use retail/service employees like punching bags. this guy will have no #repercussions for cussing me out beyond the pre-existing frustration that his order isn't ready because it was placed after our deadline #it is frustrating that you can't really defend yourself because 1) it takes too much time and there's too much else to do. #better to let them have the upper hand in their minds 2) they can take anything you saw and spin it against you in a review #like... 😞 i couldn't even get a word in against this guy. honestly i think he was using me as a stress toy because his kid is getting in #trouble for not having uniforms. which really sucks‚ I understand and empathize with that! but to react in such a way is unacceptable #it's common sense that a mom and pop shop will not process your order until the next business day if you ordered outside of their business #hours. i had to explain the way this particular school's ordering system worked to this guy the last time he was in. i provided multiple #alternatives to contacting us that he never utilized. like.. he had the tools to understand everything and instead of using them he decided #to erupt. and because I'm the poor fuck that works the counter‚ i got to be on the receiving end of this. i should know better than to be #upset about it (the eelness talking. everyone else was mad when he left) but. it's also fair to not want to be cussed out over something as #small as school uniforms! 🤨 #and don't even get me started on school uniforms.. yes my entire job rn is selling them BUT oh my god. i hate them. they shouldn't be a #thing. especially when these schools cost an arm and a leg in admission + then the uniforms easily cost another #*$100. the entire practice seems evil to me but also it's the family business so. 😭. the way these schools do it also undermines the entire #point of school uniforms which is. uniformity! 🤨 i feel like the minute differences in brand and so forth and so on give kids easy ways to #compare each other and potentially bully each other. the differences in what people provide Could be distracting! if your kid is the only #one wearing a plaid jumper while everyone else has khaki bottoms on‚ they're going to stand out! #so what pray tell is the point 😭 imo it's best to let kids have the freedom of self expression and show up to school however they'd like #in an appropriate way ofc. but i digress 😩 this business is just. deeply frustrating + as if the work itself was not overwhelming‚ the #parents have to throw tantrums about it... I'm so tired! 😭 #and they insinuate you fuck around + or say you don't give a shit.. ma'am I've worked so much overtime this year + that's not even counting #the relentless shifts I've worked in my nightmares that occur every night. like.. literally the only thing i do is give a shit about your #order!! at the expense of my sleep and wellness lmao! I don't eat lunch and i barely hydrate because I'm constantly working #but it is thog mode.. thog don't care... 😑 it'd be funny if i didnt care either 🥴😐 #to sum up a long rant ig i entered the shower feeling very depressed and I've left angry 🤯 but this is normal methinks #anyhow l + ratio + you work at your family's store + you work customer service + u trip over yourself when u talk etc etc etc 😑😑 #one day i will blow that store up with every parent ever. it will be so funny 💖😐😩😑 #sriracha.txt #negative cw

[caulo]

i'm trying to remember a book i read for english in either jr. high or highschool, which included a scene of a young black girl starting school and noticing that the book she's been given is in poor condition. and then she notices that the names written in the front alongside the condition of the book start as white names when the condition is new, and turn to black names when the condition is worse.

anybody know what book i'm talking about?

#i'm assuming it's a really well known one since it was school reading #but i'm having trouble figuring out which in particular based on that specific part #and it was something that really stood out to me when i was growing up as a sort of 'OH.' moment so i want to revisit it #cause like i grew up in an afro-latina family. i was told things like 'the cops don't protect people like us' from the get-go #and my mother saying she was glad my skin ended up lighter than hers because it would make things easier for me #but i still very much had a 'it's all about individual hatred of people who look different' understanding of racism #and reading that made something start to click in my baby brain of what systematic oppression is

[astrxealis]

damn i never thought i'd get into stardew valley this much but here we are !! makes perfect sense tho

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #heyy this adds to my roster of games that actually have Evidence #gotta play more soulsborne legitimately soon so i have more evidence of my range LMFAO ... #i love how my. taste in games is really broad tbh! i'm willing to try anything out but i do uhh am less inclined to the more popular ones? #unless i get into them by way of. personal. or without outside influence #but if there's a certain something that makes me dislike a media yeah ... i do end up more indifferent tho. ultimately #i think sdv is another huge example of how me and lune really go all in when getting into smth #like terraria. but we end up forgetting about it pretty soon after. oops! #it depends tbh on how bored we are? how much we have to do. so yeah #xiv was That for a very long time bcs we didn't really have anything else uhh insert hashtag xiv was there for us when nobody was #aaa so thankful to xiv fr. idk. i think about what it has done for me sometimes and i get really emotional! #also funny how things connect. i got back into tumblr bcs of jjk and then connected w others mostly thru gi. and then twt thru a friend i #met thru a school event wholy thru chance. who got me back into twt where i connected with others thru ff(xiv) #and i find it fascinating how people make friends irl! i think its easy for me to feel that way 1. its just who i am lol its in my nature #2. im more of a bystander so. yeah. ez for me to study people and people-watch. idm that much tbh #it's funny... hmm interesting? a bit sad too. wnvr i want to. Take A Step Further. i end up not caring anymore LMFAOOO but tbh it's really #nice in the long run! my outlook on life is pretty weird tbh like uhh... idk. hard to explain. complex #whenever i face a problem i'm. absolutely confident i'll get over it. and unfortunately i feel like that... sense of confidence is rather ra #rare*? idk. and the fact i've always known (always!) i'd love myself no matter what. even if sometimes i would be really insecure. i never #truly hated myself and i sincerely doubt i ever will. but the fact i often suceed and rise from my failures that sometimes they don't feel #like failures doesn't mean that uhh i'll end up facing my downfall through. naive confidence? i try to be self-aware and do my best for no #regrets and it's fascinating how my values in life are shaped by my past. not just me. everyone. damn. i think the formative years of a #person are so goddamn fascinating and also i'm still unsure what i want for college but it's already fucking march HELP #anyway wow. i dont want to be too harsh on myself if the What If bad scenario/s end up happening but i'll really try my best #my aunts on my dad side both got into up diliman and i'll be damned if i don't. i know i can do it. i just gotta put in a ton of effort. #okay rambles bye bye #also i've been staying up until 3/4 ever since break LMFAOOO SDV HAS RUINED ME dw i'll be good again next week lmfao

[noxtivagus]

i'll read more from now on again

#🌙.rambles #so much to just think about n i'm lost in my own lil world #tmrrw gna have to face reality again bcs of school :c but. yk lately this year i think i've already developed lots #this past week has been especially formative. #i crave n yearn.. intimacy so much. i want to just be free like that. bcs i'm safe in my own self n. too much to say but #i think it's lonely. being out a lot today made me realize that. all these barriers in communication is so.. lonely #i want to read so much more for so many reasons but here with what i've already laid out the first reason i'll say is #i want to understand others better i want to even further expand my own thinking n just learn so much more #n then.. goddamn i want to write too. write so much so i could #it hurts. it hurts so much i feel like i know n think n feel more than i should n the wisdom is breaking me apart i don't know how to put it #into words. maybe that's why i've been afraid to start new things despite my insatiable curiosity n passion. #afraid of how it'll fill me with even more & i'm not sure how i'd manage. i feel as though i understand life differently than most.. #most people around me at least. i see myself in musicians. artists. writers. #people who create once they've taken in much as well. people like me but.. it's been rather disturbing when i realize how most of them end #up like. n i wonder. i just wonder so much. n wish n dream that maybe i could end up differently. #i want so desperately to break out of the chains of reality of society of.. all those. idead that are taught to us n internalized ever since #we were born? i don't know how to write it and i don't think words could ever do it justice. but i want to truly be who i am at heart. #and yet being self-aware i suppose is confusing in such a bittersweet way. there's so much more that i do not know and cannot grasp #& then sometimes at the end of the day i just wonder n dream about if ever i would be more connected with reality. with this world. #regardless of how much one may put out to the world.. it'll never be understood or known in the same way as the one it originates from. #it's lonely. sad. but it makes what we can convey and relate with much more meaningful. n i'm so grateful for those things #n there's also just so much that relates to it n. yeah. is part of it like #the unconscious subconscious n conscious mind #for fuck's sake i want to learn so much it's overwhelming. psychoanalysis n neuroscience n #i want to learn more of others too. i want deep conversations. i want to read more books n listen to more music n just consume more n more #to learn more of the people who created them. everything around us is just so full of life n. it's so beautiful n so overwhelmingly painful. #my helplessness in doing more. i'm aware of why. n it just hurts. it hurts so much but i'm #glad at least that lately i've been more free. more myself. more self-aware n aware of the universe in general. n i look forward to #so much more. but.. yeah i still crave to be 'real' n part of this world in a more 'normal' way at times #i. have so much to write. but for now i'll return to reality with the this.. odd feeling in my chest. not enough too little too much. life

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME #there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing #and the writing is what i need to be doing #writeblr #this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to #edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol #i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!! #my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means #i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her) #hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong #i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet. #i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse #i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!! #i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO #i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness #and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it #im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us #i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer #and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art. #i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work #even if it means being miserable #but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.