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sortofanobsession · 6 months

Note

If you look up Lionel Messi and soccer, you’ll find a bunch of articles about his problems with gagging and vomiting during matches. I’d like to plant a story idea in your head about Jamie having that same issue.

Author's Note: I know I promised this earlier, and I know I promised a birthday sequel, but this is the most chaotic week of my entire year for work. So the other might be a bit delayed. Sorry about that.

Zava is a bit out of character in this. He's meaner than he actually was on the show. I did that because I needed a sort of trigger for Jamie's anxiety. Jamie is confident, or at least presents himself to be, and absolutely sure of his own abilities, Zava in the show does make him doubt himself, but not enough to create this level of anxiety. My husband has the same type of anxiety, especially when it comes to his job. He went thorough a program to help him, but my husband was dealing with it for the first time. Jamie, I have him set to have sort of dealt with it before, because with Jamie's history he probably would have. But again, this is all canon divergent.

Pairing: RoyJamie

Word Count: 6k+

Content warning: Anxiety, vomiting, nausea, panic, fear, manipulation, verbal harassment, physical violence, bruising, injury, blood, head injury, ultimatums, concussions, stitches, angst, anger, swearing/cursing/cussing.

With a little help

Jamie used to be better at managing his anxiety. Or at least he thinks he was. Maybe he was just better at, what had Keeley called it? Right, compartmentalizing, a weird word, but yeah. He really didn't know much about this stuff. Maybe it was just easier when he was a prick and didn't care what anyone thought. He knew he was the star, and he was fucking brilliant. But now, he had so much more to lose. Sure, it had wracked his nerves thinking he couldn't lose and his dad would punish him. But the anxiety over that was manageable as long as he was winning. But things are different now. Zava was the star. Zava was taking his friends from him. His dad must be pissed about that. Jamie feels like he’s going to be sick for, well, he’s lost count.

Roy looks around the locker room and everyone is there and eager for the match, all but one.

“Where the fuck is Tartt?!” the coach demands.

“Loo,” Jeff tells him.

“Again?” Sam asks.

“The fuck you mean ‘again’?” Roy did not like the sound of that.

“Been in and out of since he got here,” Colin says.

“Does he plan to play sick because that is not a very good idea,” Jan Maas says.

Roy heads to find him, and Jan Maas might be on to something because he can hear Jamie throwing up. Something uneasy shifts the coach’s own gut. But Roy knows what he is feeling, just now why. He knocks on the door. He hears a bunch of noises, including rushed movement and water. Jamie rushes out and glances at the clock. And Roy does not like what he sees. Jamie is already sweating and shaking slightly.

“Shit, sorry coach, I’ll go-”

“Nope,” Roy states. “Cockburn can start, you-”

“I'm fine, coach, I can play,”

“Not if your fucking sick, if it's contagious-”

“It's not, I swear, coach, it's not like the flu or something,” Jamie tried, but Roy knew what he heard. He eyes Jamie skeptically and surprises himself as he reaches up to feel Jamie's forehead. Roy ignores the odd feeling in his chest at seeing Jamie’s cheeks color.

“I-I told you,” Jamie insists. “It's not like that, not a fever.”

“Something you ate?” Roy asks.

“...maybe?”

But Roy isn't sure if he should believe him. The coach sighs. “Get cleared by the med team, and you can go in, but until then, Cockburn goes in.”

And Roy is a bit surprised when Jamie doesn't fight him.

The team is too busy getting ready and listening to Zava for Roy to tell them.

“You're going in for Tartt,” Roy tells Cockburn.

“That bad?” The forward asks.

Roy grunts but doesn't give him a direct answer as he goes to the whiteboard and makes a few adjustments. Not that it changes much but the team finally notices.

“Cockburn is in,” Roy tells the other coaches.

“What happened? Is Jamie okay?” Ted asks.

“Waiting to see if fucking med clears him for the second half,” Roy states. “Fucking Tartt.” But as annoyed as he might be, he doesn't like the idea of Jamie not being alright. The team was finally set up to have a real chance at winning. Jamie Tartt had seen to it. Hopefully, he'd get it out of his system. But it wasn’t just that. Some part of Roy was just not happy that Jamie was unwell. He’s just not sure that bugs him so much.

“How is he?” Roy asks Gail at the half.

“A bit dehydrated, but good to go,” she tells him.

“Fucking good,” Roy says, and he means it because he feels more relieved knowing Jamie is okay than he had expected. “Let's go, Tartt! You're going in!” The match goes well, but Roy can tell something isn’t right with Jamie Tartt. So he decides to keep a closer eye on the forward.

It happens again before a few training days. And Jamie brushes it off as adjusting to a new morning routine. Again, Roy doesn’t really believe him, but he doesn’t force the issue. Not when Jamie is still up and training. But he can’t ignore it during their next match. Jamie actually throws up on the pitch and gets pulled from the match. Roy glares daggers at Zava as the newest striker complains about Jamie being a distraction. And it's not the first time he has. Roy makes his way to the treatment room and waves off the med team. So it is just him and Jamie.

“Alright, Tartt, fucking out with it,” Roy says. His arms crossed over his chest like he was trying to keep how worried he'd been growing inside his chest.

“Think I already did on the pitch,” Jamie winces.

“We both know that isn't what I fucking meant,” Roy tries to keep it together because he knows Jamie's history. He knows about Jamie's father. But Jamie isn't helping himself here, so.

Roy is going to have to be the one to do it. “Tartt, I need to know what is going on with you because this isn't the Jamie Tartt I know. And I don't fucking like it one bit.”

The way Jamie sinks deeper into himself has Roy quickly adding. “You fucking dying or something? You're fucking freaking me out, Tartt.”

“I’m not dying,” Jamie tells him. “Not even actually sick.”

“Then tell me what the fuck this is,” Roy says, and Jamie doesn't answer. Roy ignores the voice in his head with worse-case scenarios and moves to stand right next to Jamie. “Jamie,” he says in a softer tone. “I cannot help you if you don't talk to me. I need you to-” Roy doesn't even get to finish before Jamie sobs. Roy is momentarily gobsmacked before, without even really thinking, the coach pulls Jamie against his chest.

“Fucking hell,” he mutters more to himself than Jamie, but Jamie must think it's directed at him because Jamie just cries harder. So Roy just holds him tighter. Everything inside Roy Kent is telling him that he needs to do something. Because seeing Jamie like is like a knife in the heart, he'd do anything to cheer the striker up. And his brain doesn't seem to have much input either because Roy hadn't even realized his hand had gone up and was running through Jamie's hair, over and over to help calm him. But he doesn't stop because it actually seems to be helping as the sobs slowly turn into sniffles.

“I've got you, Tartt,” he says as he does. And when the treatment room door opens, and Jamie goes to pull away, Roy doesn't let him. The last thing he wants is for Jamie to close off and shut him out.

“I…uh…just need to grab a few things,” Gail says. The look on her face is one of surprise and slight amusement. “You're good.” She grabs what she needs and leaves.

“Well, that was embarrassing,” Jamie sniffles, it's muffled in Roy's shirt. And Roy huffs a laugh.

“It's fucking fine, just breathe and maybe tell me what is wrong.”

Jamie shifts, so it’s mainly just his forehead against him, and he takes Roy's advice. He takes a few deep breaths. He doesn’t pull away yet. Not fully. He’s almost too scared to look at Roy. But the way Roy's hand is now rubbing soothing circles on his back has him shifting and glancing up at Roy.

“Will you tell me now?” Roy asks.

“It's…it's just anxiety.”

Roy’s hand stills as that sinks in, but he recovers. His hand moves again because he doesn't want to make it worse. Doesn’t want Jamie to think that upsets Roy. He knows how Jamie gets when he thinks he’s upset someone.

“Okay, that's…okay,” Roy says. The coach is trying really hard to police his actions now. “Is this new or just worse than it was?”

And Jamie isn't sure if he'd ever heard so many words without the older man swearing, ever. And Jamie isn't sure how to feel about it. He didn't know if he should tell him that it was because of Zava.

“It's not new, but I thought I beat it ages ago,” Jamie says honestly.

“Okay, what changed?” Roy asks. And the coach can feel the striker’s muscles tense as Jamie starts to pull away. That didn't bode well. So Roy changes his tactic.

“Jamie,” Roy starts. “Tell me how I can help you?”

And that surprised Jamie. “You…you want to help me?”

“Of fucking course I do,” Roy says honestly.

“Because you're my coach?”

“Because I need you to fucking be okay. So what do you need from me?”

“Help me?” Jamie says. And the sad way Jamie says it grips Roy’s heart. He puts a hand on the back of Jamie's neck.

“Fucking easy, done. Just tell me how.”

“Train me?” Jamie asks, and Roy nearly laughs because if Jamie just needs some extra one-on-one to get past this, he will spend every minute he isn't with Phoebe or the team training with Jamie.

“Fuck, yeah, we can do that,” Roy grins because he has had worse-case scenarios going through his mind, and this, this is something he can and will do. “We can start tomorrow if you want.”

“Yeah, really?”

“Yes, Tartt, really.”

They train every morning before joining the team for official training. It's mostly just conditioning and talking. Roy hopes it helps Jamie get a handle on his anxiety and gets his confidence back.

Roy goes to Jamie before their next match.

“How you feeling?” Roy asks him.

“I'm okay,” Jamie says.

“You sure?”

“I think so.”

“Well, if that changes, let me know.”

“Sure, coach,” Jamie nods. When he turns back, the striker notices a few of his teammates looking at him funny. “What?”

“He didn't swear once,” Cockburn points out.

Jamie just shrugs. And Jamie thinks he might be okay until right before the game.

“Try not to lose your lunch or the game this time,” Zava nudges Jamie's shoulders as they head out.

And that has the knot in Jamie’s stomach returning. And he thinks he might get sick, so he slows down as they exit the tunnel. But Jamie hadn’t noticed that Roy had been watching him like a hawk. And the look on Jamie's face for just a moment before the striker can mask it is all Roy needs to see. The coach has to count to 10 to avoid murdering Zava on Sky fucking sports. He goes straight to Jamie.

“Whatever the fuck he said, ignore it,” Roy tells him.

“I don't know if I can-”

“Jamie, look at me,” Roy grips Jamie's shoulders. “You are Jamie fucking Tartt, and unlike that prick, you don't need to take your teammates down to be the star.”

“But I used to,” Jamie argues.

“But you matured, got better. He is a massive fucking prick. He wants to fuck with you because he KNOWS you are the only threat to his stardom on this fucking team. Stay focused on doing your job. Ignore him. And if you get the ball, do what you think is best.”

Jamie nods. “Okay, yeah, thanks, Coach.”

The match goes well, Zava still has to have the most attention, but Roy doesn't give him any. Ted and the others can manage that. Roy goes to Jamie.

“Well done, Tartt,” Roy tells him.

“I didn't do much, barely got the ball,” Jamie says with confusion.

“But you played without incident,” Roy insists.

“Guess training is paying off,” Jamie says. “Thanks, Coach.”

Roy smiles. Jamie’s stomach flips, but not due to anxiety or feeling sick. No, this is different. This is a good feeling because Roy fucking Kent is smiling at him and telling him he did well.

“Training tomorrow still?” Jamie asks.

“I think you earned a day off,” Roy says.

“What if I don't want one?” Jamie says honestly.

Roy considers it. He still has to meet the rest of the coaching staff to go through tapes. And oh boy does Roy have a point to make during that, but the last thing he wanted was Jamie backsliding.

“Tell you what, we can go over the match over breakfast,” Roy offers.

“Deal,” Jamie nods.

Roy thought they were finally getting in front of the issue as Jamie seemed to be doing better. Until one morning, Jamie fails to meet him for training. And he wasn't answering his door. Roy had never been so glad he had talked to his sister about Jamie's anxiety. She had insisted Jamie give someone a spare key. Because someone, mainly someone who lived closer than Manchester, to help make sure that his issues don't escalate. That someone needs to make sure Jamie isn't a danger to himself. Jamie picked two someones. Roy and Keeley. And without hesitation, Keeley had agreed to help. But this was the first time Roy had considered using the spare key Jamie had given him for emergencies.

Roy's heart is pounding in his chest as he opens the door. He begs the universe that this isn’t one of the worst-case scenarios his sister had told him after he asked her for help. He closes Jamie's door.

“Tartt?” He calls out. Nothing but silence greets him, and that makes his stomach churn. He digs his phone out of his pocket and heads straight for Jamie’s bedroom. He hoped he wouldn’t need his phone, but just in case, he pulled up the call screen.

“Jamie?” He calls out again. Nothing at first. He calls again and hears a noise in Jamie's bathroom.

“Jamie?” He says and knocks. He hears a sniffle. “I'm coming in.” And before Jamie can tell him no, Roy opens the door and finds Jamie leaning over the sink. His grip is so tight his knuckles are white on the edge of the sink. From a slight distance, Roy does his best to look Jamie over for any sign of injury. No blood. That was good. But he could tell this hadn’t just started by the bloodshot, red-rimmed eyes that looked at him with regret and possibly fear.

“Overslept,” Jamie manages. “Sorry.

Roy takes a deep and calming breath. Jamie is in better shape than he had expected, but the what-ifs still nag at him. He hauls Jamie into a hug.

“Roy?” Jamie asks in confusion.

“It's fine,” Roy says. “Everything's going to be fine.” Jamie isn't sure if he is saying it for him or not, but he doesn't fight it. He grips Roy's jacket tight. They stay like that for a bit.

“Come on,” Roy says, tugging Jamie by the wrist. “In,” Roy says, gesturing to Jamie's bed.

“But we have training,” Jamie says with confusion.

“Not for a few hours,” Roy states.

Jamie opens his mouth to argue, but his brain fails him when Roy removes his jacket and kicks off his shoes. “You going to stand there like a fucking prick, or you going to do as you're fucking told?”

Jamie silently crawls into his bed. He then watches in shock as Roy does too. Roy checks his phone, sets an alarm, and looks at Jamie.

“Fucking relax, Jamie,” Roy says, then lays down. Arms open in invitation. “You look fucking knackered, and you had me fucking worried. So make up your mind.”

Jamie is not sure if he is dreaming, but he isn't going to argue. He cuddles into Roy's chest, and Jamie has never felt warmer or safer in his life.

“Sleep, Tartt,” Roy tells him. And he does.

Jamie wakes up warm and content for once. He reaches for his alarm but realizes it's on the wrong side of the bed. Then he remembers what happened. It was Roy's phone. Roy was the warm body beside him. And Jamie's heart soars. Roy had been the only reason Jamie has been able to function recently. He really adores Roy.

“Feeling better?” Roy ask.

“Mmhmm,” Jamie hums.

“Good because we have training, so up you get,” Roy says.

Once Jamie is up and dressed, he heads down to find Roy in his kitchen drinking a cup of tea. He holds out a shake because he's gone over Jamie's routine with him multiple times. And Jamie knows he is officially lost on Roy fucking Kent. And Jamie knows there isn’t a way he is coming away from this anything but in love with his coach. Well, more so than he had been most of his life. He had fancied Roy for ages, but that had been that. Now Roy is in his kitchen and has spent the last hour sleeping in Jamie's bed with Jamie.

“Jamie?” Roy calls, snapping Jamie out of his thoughts. He shakes the drink again. “Yes or no? If you can't, then we-”

Jamie accepts the shake with a quiet thank you. And Roy watches Jamie. He seems to be doing alright now. But Roy doesn't want him to get antsy, so the coach looks down at his tea.

They head to Roy’s G wagon, Jamie not even arguing. It's quiet until Roy parks at Nelson Road.

“Now, you don't have to tell me what happened to cause what happened this morning, but…” Roy says, looking at Jamie.

“Just something Zava said yesterday got under my skin. You said to ignore him, and I'm trying. It's just not easy. Didn't sleep well, but I'm okay now.”

“Okay.” Roy reaches over and grips Jamie's shoulder. “If you need a break, tell me. We can take one.”

“Thanks,” Jamie smiles at him.

Shouting in the locker room has the coaches rushing out of the office. Dani Rojas and Colin Hughes stand between Jamie and Zava.

“The fuck is wrong with you?!” Jamie spits.

“I saw you with -” Zava starts, but Roy isn't having it.

“Everyone shut the fuck up!” Roy shouts. Jamie's eyes snap to his. And Roy sees a red mark on Jamie's face and would have lost his shit if Beard hadn't gone to check Jamie's face. Jamie lets him. Beard doesn't miss how the striker keeps glancing at Roy.

“Nothing broken,” Beard assures them.

“What in the blue blazes is going on in here?” Ted demands.

No one says anything—a number of players glancing at an irate Roy.

“Fine,” Ted says. “Beard, maybe a few laps will jog their memories.”

The team groans, but they go out.

“Not you,” Ted says to Jamie. Roy glares at the gaffer. The assistant coach swears he sees Zava smirks as he leaves.

“You fucking kidding me?” Roy snaps, but much to Jamie's surprise, it isn't directed at him but at Ted.

“Look at his fucking face, and he's the one that in-”

Ted shakes his head. “You strangling the team’s wringer in front of them might damage morale a bit, coach.”

Roy grunts but doesn't say anything else because Ted has a point. If Zava had opened his mouth again, he’d have the imprint of Roy’s boot all over him. It’s a dangerous thought but an undeniable one. Zava touched Jamie, and that is just not fucking okay in Roy’s opinion. He’s still fucking livid though.

“You alright, Jamie?” Ted asks the player.

Roy’s anger gives way to concern at the way Jamie’s hands bunch up in his kit. The striker looked like a kid who got caught stealing biscuits.

“Jamie,” Roy says as he goes over and tips Jamie's face up to look at him. A slight bruise forms and that has a mix of emotions swirling in Roy’s chest. “How much does it hurt?” Roy needs to know.

“‘m fine, Roy, nothing I can't handle it.”

“You used to handle broken ribs and not tell anyone,” Roy counters. “I need more than that, Tartt.”

Neither of them sees how shocked Ted is as he watches the pair. Roy went from furious to soft spectacularly fast in the gaffer’s book. And he isn’t sure he’d ever seen his assistant coach this gentle with anyone other than Phoebe.

“The team ended it before it could get worse,” Jamie says.

That gets Ted’s attention. “What exactly was ‘it’?” the head coach asks. Jamie looks between the coaches. Roy just reaches over and rubs Jamie's back. And Ted has even more questions now. But he knows he needs this answer first.

“Zava told me I should be benched, that I'm a distraction, especially…” Jamie hesitates, looking up at Roy. Roy just nods. Jamie looks back to Ted. “Especially to Coach Kent.” Roy lets out a bitter laugh but doesn't say anything. His hand did not stop its repeated course along the striker’s spine.

“How did that lead to you having a bruised face?” Ted asks.

“He had leaned into my space to say it, and you know me, I'm in and out of everyone's space always. So it shouldn’t have bothered me, but I didn't like it. I didn't want him there. So I shoved him back towards his spot. He didn't like that.”

“So a scuffle broke out until the boys stopped it,” Ted finishes.

“Not exactly. It was more the team scrambling to protect Zava, and I don't know who, but I took an elbow to the face. I…I don't think it was intentional.” They look up as the door opens. A couple of members of the med team enter. “But he kept saying that he knew. Didn’t make any sense.”

“Right, okay,” Ted says. He waves them over to look over Jamie's face. He taps Roy's shoulder and nods at the office. Roy nods. Ted goes to the office.

“You good?” Roy asks Jamie.

“Yeah,” Jamie says, offering the coach a weak smile. “Not like I'm going anywhere.” He gestures to the medics.

Ted closes the door once Roy is inside.

“Something you need to tell me, Coach?”

“Zava's a fucking prick and has been giving Jamie a hard time.”

“That’s it? I thought you helping train Jamie was working,” Ted says. “That he was right as rain.”

“I thought so, too, but he missed training this morning. Turns out Zava got under his skin yesterday like he just fucking did now, and with the anxiety Tartt already has, he barely slept. Found him crying and fucking gripping his counter like he didn't trust his own fucking legs. I got him to get a bit more sleep.” Ted didn't need to know that he did so by joining him in bed. “He is off his game already, and Zava just tipped the fucking scales. And now Zava thinks he fucking won. I'm not going to fucking sit here and let that prick isolate and bully-”

“And what is Jamie to you, huh? What's your next word, Roy? Your what?”

“Player,” Roy growls. “My fucking player. Because whatever you are implying, well, you can fuck off. And I'm fucking disappointed in you, Lasso. You made me put an end to the hazing of the kitman that fucking betrayed you. Betrayed all of us. But now that it's Zava targeting Jamie, who has been a fucking punching bag his whole fucking life, and you know it, it's nothing. Not on my fucking watch.”

“Alright, fair point,” Ted says.

It is painfully silent until Ted goes to check on Jamie.

“He's good to play, just a bruise,” the medic tells them.

“Great, let's get you out there,” Ted says, clapping Jamie on the shoulder. Jamie looks at Roy.

“Right behind you,” Roy assures him.

Ted decided to keep a close eye on Zava, especially when he was anywhere near Jamie. Things went fine during drills. He didn't miss the way a few players glared at Jamie as they finished running laps. Ted called Beard over and sent him inside after a few words. Isaac had confirmed that Zava had been talking to Jamie, Jamie shoved Zava, and the team stepped in. No one owned up to knowingly elbowing Jamie. So Ted had them run drills. More glares. Jamie’s shoulders slumped, but he looked over at Roy. Roy went over.

“They're fucking idiots,” Roy tells Jamie. “He’ll fuck up eventually. Tip his hand. Don't let him drag you down. He did this. Not you. Keep going.”

Jamie nods and joins the team.

Ted isn't sure he likes how Jamie keeps his head down. And Roy was right. Whenever someone glares at Jamie or ignores the other striker, Zava doesn't stop them. Zava seems to find it amusing. That was not good.

A bit later, Beard comes out with a tablet. He waves Roy over. Jamie's attention is drawn to the coaches when he hears Roy swearing and leaving the field. Jamie fights the urge to follow him. He turns to head back to drills when a ball hits him in the head painfully hard.

Roy hadn’t even reached the tunnel. When hears several people shout Jamie’s name. Roy's blood ran cold as rushed back to the field.

“He was distracted,” he hears Zava say, and the only reason Zava isn't picking his teeth up off the pitch is because Beard catches him, followed by Will.

He knows what happened without even having to look. Although Jamie was waiting with all the other players, the drills were running away from him. Jamie had gotten hit. Hard. This means someone did it intentionally or had gotten very bad at the basics.

“Jamie needs you,” Beard says. And that doesn't quell the other assistant coach’s rage, but it does change his direction.

“How is he?” Roy asks as he reaches Ted.

“Conscious,” Ted tells him.

“For Zava's sake, he better stay that way. I swear-”

“I know, Roy,” Ted says. “Go with him. We’ll handle it.”

“You fucking better,” Roy grits out before following the med team as they take Jamie away.

“Roy!” Keeley joins him where he is waiting in the hall. He was watching the med team work through the glass window. “Rebecca said it was Jamie. What happened?” Roy hands her the tablet he had retrieved. Much like the locker room video, the video of what happened on the pitch was sent to him. Keeley played the video and gasped. Zava had kicked the ball directly at Jamie. And the striker had one hell of a kick. Jamie went down instantly. Jeff and Sam were there in seconds, followed by most of the team.

“Poor Jamie,” Keeley says as she hands him the tablet.

“Stay with him,” Roy instructs as he walks away.

“Where are you going?” she asks.

“To make sure this is fucking handled!” He spits back.

Rebecca startles as the gaffer’s door is thrown open.

“Roy,” Ted says as the manager drops back down in his chair. “The wall didn't deserve that, but I think we can ignore that for now.”

Rebecca frowns but agrees.

“How is he?” She asks.

“Three fucking stitches and a concussion at least,” Roy says, going to grab a number of things from his desk. “Maybe worse, they were still with him.” He kicks his drawer when it doesn't close—the pair wince.

“Why aren't you?” Ted asks.

“Keeley’s there,” Roy states.

“That's good,” Rebecca says.

“You say that now,” Roy tosses the tablet on the desk. The video paused on Zava kicking the ball.

“Roy…” Ted starts.

“Don't fucking, ‘Roy’ me. Fuck no. This fucking prick goes, or I do, Tartt too. I fucking told you he was fucking with him.”

“You don't mean-” Rebecca starts, but Roy cuts her off.

“Fucking do it, or I will send that video to Sky fucking sports. I am FUCKING DONE!” Roy slams the door as he goes into the locker room. The handful of players in there flinch. He isn't sure if it's a blessing or a curse that Zava isn't there.

“What’s going on, Coach?” Sam asks as Roy moves to collect Jamie's things.

“Is Jamie hurt bad?” Dani Rojas asks.

“Like any of you fucking care,” Roy angrily states.

“It's Jamie,” Dani says. “Of course we do.”

Roy bitterly laughs. “Could have fucking fooled me.” Once the coach is sure he has what he needs, he turns towards the team.

“I have never been so fucking disappointed in any fucking team in my life. This is exactly what he was terrified would happen. You fucking pricks didn't even fucking notice.”

The locker room was unusually quiet as the team prepared to leave after training. Zava isn't even there anymore. And no one has heard anything about Jamie yet. Roy had not come back.

Sam checks his phone.

“Oh no,” he says.

“What?” Colin asks. “What is it?”

“Check the team chat?”

Colin frowns.

One by one, the team is shocked that Roy and Jamie's numbers are removed from the team chat.

“That's not good,” Jan Maas says.

“No, it isn't.” Sam agrees.

Keeley had been keeping Jamie company after the med team said he could go when the coach got back. She smiles at the way Jamie sits up as there is a knock at the open door, relaxing when he sees it’s only Roy. Jamie’s never been truly afraid of Roy, but she knew that Roy being there made Jamie feel safer. Like nothing, and no one is getting past Roy to get at him. It was actually rather adorable. Roy was like that with people he cared for, especially those he loved. And she had a feeling Jamie was now one of those very select few. Roy loved Jamie. Jamie loved Roy. She knew it. She just hoped they’d figure it out sooner rather than later.

“Time to go,” Keeley says. She gets up and kisses Jamie's less injured cheek. “Call me if you need anything. Get better, babe.” She pats Roy’s cheek as she passes him.

“Here,” Roy sets Jamie's stuff. “Can't have you in your bloody kit. Then we can head out.”

Jamie goes to stand up and wobbles on his feet, and Roy knows that's not going to work. He kicks the door closed. “Right, let's get this done.” He carefully helps Jamie change. He avoids making eye contact with the striker as he does because that was a line Roy couldn’t cross now. He wasn’t sure his fucking heart could take it. A bruised Jamie Tartt, shirtless and trusting Roy to look after him. That did fucking things to Roy that Roy was not ready to deal with. Especially since Jamie had a concussion.

“Thanks,” Jamie mumbles since his system is flooded with painkillers.

“Ready?” Roy asks.

“Yeah,” Jamie says with a nod. He winces at the flair of pain that causes.

“Alright, words are fine. No need to rattle your brain even more.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Jamie barely says anything as Roy drives to Jamie's flat. He manages to get the injured striker inside, cleaned up and in bed. Jamie is in and out of it most of the day. It's not until the following day that Jamie really wakes up, his head throbbing, and realizes that Roy has spent the night and has been taking care of him. Jamie finds pills and water beside his bed and a note telling him to take them and come downstairs. Jamie can barely look at his own face in the mirror as he does what he needs to in the bathroom. He shouldn't be surprised to find Roy in his kitchen again, but this time Roy moves to meet him as Jamie makes it down the stairs.

“Morning,” Roy says. “Seem more steady on your feet already.”

Jamie hums and shuffles to the kitchen.

“Sit,” Roy tells him, and Jamie does. Roy gets him a cup of tea and a plate of food. “Eat.” Jamie looks unsure.

“Jamie,” Roy says, lowering himself to Jamie's eye level. “You need to eat, or those pills will tear up your stomach. And with all the stomach issues you’ve had recently, we don't want to make it worse.” Jamie agrees and eats. That's when he notices the time. The team would be well into training. And Jamie understands why he isn't going to training. But Roy should be there.

“Not going in?” he asks.

“No,” Roy states. Jamie can't see all that well right now, but he can still tell that Roy doesn't look happy.

“Roy, you don't have to babysit me,” Jamie insists.

“Your loss,” Roy says. “Phoebe thinks I'm a fantastic sitter.”

“She's 8, and you are her most favorite person in the world,” Jamie says.

“Yeah, because I'm the best fucking sitter,” Roy says with no sign of sarcasm or humor.

“You're serious, aren't you?” Jamie asks.

“You're head's fucked enough, you don't need me being a prick.”

“Okay, but-”

“I'm not going in because I told them if they don't fucking deal with Zava, then I'm not going back.”

Jamie can’t believe Roy gave them an ultimatum because of him. “You have to go back,” Jamie tells him.

“Not really,” Roy assures him.

“The team needs you,” Jamie argues.

“The team needs not to have a fucking asshole that does this kind of shit on fucking purpose.” And Roy knows he fucked up when Jamie rushes to his feet. Roy follows Jamie as the younger man barely reaches the toilet to lose what little he has eaten. Unfortunately, that means his meds too. And between the pain and the anxiety, Jamie can't take it. He sobs, and Roy holds him tight.

Roy doesn't move other than to comfort the injured man. Only when Jamie can breathe without gasping does he even consider it.

“Why?” Jamie manages to ask.

“Why would I not go back?” Roy asks for clarification.

Jamie nods.

“Because I'm not going to work for a fucking hypocrite. Lasso made me deal with you when you were a prick, and you changed for the better. He let Zava do the same shit too long, and it's only because he pulled this shit in front of the whole fucking team and was caught on security cameras; it’s a problem. Told them to deal with it, or I would send the video to Sky Sports.”

“Is that even legal?”

“He knew what the fuck he was doing,” Roy tells him. “And so do I. Zava wants to keep his fucking reputation, then he has to fucking leave.”

“And if we start losing again?”

“Is the league worth the fucking pain? Seriously, this fucking idiot is beyond fucking help. I won't watch him ruin your life just so the team wins. I'm sure the team would agree if they knew.”

In the afternoon, Jamie's phone is practically blowing up with messages, and his head hurts. So Roy tucks him back in and takes his phone so he can let the pain meds work and get some rest.

“The fuck did you do?” Roy answers his phone.

“Hello to you too, Coach,” Ted says. “How is he?”

“I had to take his phone away because he threw up his morning meds, and it was constantly going off.”

“We showed the team the video,” Ted says. “So they could understand why Zava is off the team.”

“So he's gone, good. Fucking took long enough.”

“Had to ensure he wouldn't try to turn this around on us. Or worse, you and Jamie.”

“If any of those idiots show up here and ring the doorbell, I will make them miserable.”

“They shouldn't. They know he needs to rest and heal.”

“Good.”

“I’ll tell him when he wakes up.”

Roy sits on the edge of Jamie's bed. He gives in and runs his hands gently through Jamie's hair to wake him. He can’t lie to himself any longer. He cares for Jamie a lot more than he should, but he can’t help himself. He smiles at the way Jamie hums and leans into Roy’s touch.

“Got good news,” Roy says, which seems enough to wake Jamie the rest of the way. “Zava's off the team, and the team’s more worried about you than anything.”

“He's gone, and they aren't mad?”

“Not mad at you, for you, maybe, but not at you.”

“Not mad at you either, right?”

“Maybe, but only because I took your phone away so they couldn't talk to you.”

That makes Jamie chuckle.

“This means you're going back, right?” Jamie asks.

“Yes, now up you get. Food. Meds. Then you can have your phone.”

Jamie hates sitting on the sidelines as the team struggles to score match after match. Knowing he's the reason Zava is gone twists something in his stomach. And knowing that the team has a friendly in fucking Amsterdam, of all places, makes him even more anxious. Roy is worried even before anyone packs for the trip. Keeley had texted Roy that she was supposed to help him pack since she hadn't spent much time with Jamie recently, but Jamie's not acting like his usual self. He might get to play in Amsterdam, so they both figure it's nerves about getting back into it. So Roy goes over. The three of them get dinner, but Keeley has to leave after. Roy thinks Jamie's doing okay, but the minute the coach asks what Jamie's going to do outside of the match in Amsterdam, he sees how Jamie starts to sweat and pale slightly.

“Jamie, look at me,” Roy says, and when Jamie seems to be too in his own head, Roy grips the striker’s face as gently as he can since he is still a bit sore. “I'm here, Jamie. You don't have to be scared of anything. You can tell me or don't tell me. But I'm not going to leave you like this. Fuck, I'll pack your fucking bag, you might not like it, but I will.” That earns a breathy laugh from the player. “I'll be with you every step of the way if you need me to.”

Jamie can't help it. He leans his forehead against Roy's and closes his eyes. Because that actually is extremely helpful. It does make him feel so much better.

“Fuck it,” Roy mutters. With a hand on the back of Jamie's neck, he shifts until his lips find Jamie’s own. He feels that Jamie shutters at the sensation before it's like the younger man puts all his energy into returning the kiss. When they break for air, Roy checks to ensure Jamie's cuts don't reopen. Jamie crawls into Roy's lap and kisses him.

“Feeling better?” Roy says, a slight grin pulling at his features.

“Fucking fantastic,” Jamie grins.

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bluebirdslove · 2 years

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so today i was at the DWD screen in mexico. well it's something that everyone knows but the movie is too simple i only liked 3 scenes (the best of the whole film) so i'll give my opinion here.

1. the dinner (which literally we all already saw it bc youtube) is very good the healing of Chris and Florence, it's one of the important scenes of the movie and as someone said it doesn't make sense that miss cockburn post it before when it literally was the best scene lol

2. after dinner (lol) when they are about to escape and Harry starts with "i'm sorry", "fuck" HIS BEST SCENE! it was amazing just like everyone else who has watch it already he does it greats and i loved him!

3. not a scene but the visuals the eye games and all stuff (thanks matthew libatique) was great.

the movie is very predictable and just like everyone else. there is no female power at all let alone female pleasure😭 the sex scenes appear the first 20 minutes of the movie lol.

and just like everybody what the fuck with Olivia. she has more screen time than Chris Pine himself!!!?!? 😭 i mean like when chris was talking and they put O's face 🤣🤣? or when gemma was giving the speech and they switched to O? man... be serious🥴 plus Gemma and KIKI (especially)!!! they deserve a lot. personally thanks to kiki the plot of the movie is unleashed. and the fact that they didn't give her that much credit.

and yes there are a lot of scenes where harry is in and you shouldn't laugh but you do laugh it's unavoidable. Especially when they appeared in reality 😭 my poor baby (honestly we all laughed. the whole room laughed every time those scenes came up like 3-4 times).

honestly it's boring, if i was from GP and had read all the articles without knowing anything i would be so disappointed (as some who have seen it already are lmao) it doesn't entertain you, it's simple, predictable and boring i feel sorry for florence and harry.

edited:

also when harry dances 🫶🏻 he looked so cute i loved that scene! and i also took him as a puppet you know? he was frank's puppet he was dancing bc frank told him. even though he's guilty for what he did to alice and even though he felt bad (it just seems but we know jack really is to blame for everything) yk he kept doing that to alice (kidnapped and non-consensual stuff) and listening to frank and blah blah (don't pay too much attention to me on this i just saw it that way hajshaha)

another thing i don't like that florence is supposed to wake up with jack dead... like we DON'T KNOW what happened 😭 we only know that she wakes up (bc it's obvs) but then what, what happens to the other women? what does she do next with jack's body, does she help the other women? they free themselves? or is gemma the one who takes over now? but now with woman power (i think). because when she kills chris she says "stupid man, now it's my turn".

well anyway that's all. maybe it's repetitive because many of u have already read or watched it on so many screen she has done lmfao but i just wanted to say my opinion :)

#Spoilers #DWD #actor harry #mine

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finexbright · 2 years

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Half of this article is about disliking larries and defending Olivia. It's sad and frustrating.

i completely disagree. it's not that he's bashing the larries or anything, he literally directly spoke about how sometimes fandom dynamics can get toxic and he is right about it. every single one of us knows how fandoms can be toxic sometimes. and ever since he was a teenager, we've seen it enough and more times that he does get affected by the public criticism and that he is working on it and himself and if being off social media helps that then why not.

as for miss cockburn, he didn't defend her at any point. in fact, he basically said just because i'm photographed with her doesn't mean i'm with her. if you read the article you'll realise that it's miss cockburn defending herself like all of her quotes are in a way presenting herself as a good person and a competent director when she's neither of those things. that throwaway comment about her movie having a bidding war between 18 studios? bullshit. about how harry was intended for the role ever since the beginning and that it was because of his tour they had to hire shia? bullshit. all she does is try to constantly change the narratives without even looking back at the timeline once.

the stark difference between how the part about dwd is literally just the director's quotes and harry saying "i just wanted to act again" and how the part about mp is harry actually stand up for the queer community and talking about queer love as normal love and not just a fetish and how deeply connected he was and how emotional it was should tell you everything you need to know about what really matters.

now you can go ahead and call me delusional for this, or maybe i'm just a person with actual reading comprehension, but yeah that's just how i see it.

#the last comment isn't for you anon it's just a thing i wanted to say before i get hate anons for this #non non

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fallingsunflower · 1 year

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Then maybe you can explain why Anne even bothered to hit the like button? It means nothing right? So literally why do it? Y’all can use every excuse in the book but ultimately liking a post made by someone as problematic as Olivia Cockburn says a lot about Anne.

Ok and what about the times Anne literally ignored Olivia at Harry's show? Or when she looked really uncomfortable when Olivia rested her head on her shoulder? Or when it took her about a year to follow her son's "girlfriend" and literally right after the drug rumours started? It's just a like. If you think her and Olivia are besties because of a simple like don't you think she would've posted pics with Olivia. A selfie with her maybe? What about a birthday post for her? I know she doesn't post Harry on her page but I'm pretty sure Olivia wouldn't mind if Anne posted pics of her. How on earth can a like determine what a person is actually like? Yes of course it's annoying that she's following a problematic person but if you want to blame someone for that blame Harry. She only followed Olivia because of Harry. All of them were dragged into the circus mess because of him. They wouldn't have had to play happy families / besties with her if Harry didn't agree to stunt with her. Ok fine he made a mistake stunting with her the first few months but he literally agreed to extend the contract and drag the mess for much longer. They're not to be blamed for this. But what's done is done so there really is no point playing the blame game. I'm sure Harry has (hopefully) learnt his lesson. And we all know how Olivia is. I mean look what she's doing right now. It's been a month and she's still bringing him up for no reason in her paid articles. I don't doubt there's been a lot of manipulation from her hence why A LOT of people got involved and yes they got involved to help Harry out. Mitch literally followed her a couple of weeks before the bua. Why did it take him almost two years to follow his friends ex girlfriend? She was at alot of shows wasn't she? Surely she would've been close with his band members. I have distant family members that I follow on social media and I barely speak to them but I still like their pic. It doesn't mean I'm close with them in real life. I only seem occasionally (mostly during special occasions) and that's it. All I do is like their posts when I see it and they like my posts too. That's it!

I'm honestly getting sick and tired of explaining again and again. I think this is the third blog I've had to go on a rant and explain why people need to stop paying attention to her. Harry's ignoring her and doesn't care what his circle are doing why do you guys care so much? Just because THEY liked a post of hers it doesn't mean it "proves" what kind of person Harry is. Forget what the people close to him are doing and focus on Harry. Also why does what his close friends and family do affect you guys so much?

thank you

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ladysisyphus · 1 year

Text

So maybe the most important thing you need to know about this mix is that we've been adding to it since 2002.

The original, CD-length version of it (in 2005!) was a mix based on the beats of the anime, which then got separated into Vash and Wolfwood mixes. Then those got rejoined into a single mix and reshuffled to fit the beats of the manga, and then got expanded upon. I think its last major revision was ... 2011? Sure, that sounds about right. The biggest change in recent memory was when we moved it over to Spotify and lost all the songs that aren't on Spotify (including the song the title comes from, though the title remains).

Which means the second most important thing you need to know about this mix is that it's a collaboration, put together by two queer people who were best friends when its creation started, and now have been married for fourteen years.

Tracklist beneath the cut, but you can draw your own conclusions.

Eric Weissberg & Steve Mandell - Dueling Banjos

Los Fabulosos Cadillacs - El Matador Matador, te están buscando / Matador te están matando

Tom Waits - Way Down In The Hole When you walk through the garden / You gotta watch your back

The Wallflowers - Bleeders Gotta keep this together / Maybe next time is never

Greg Brown - Lord I Have Made You A Place In My Heart And I hope that you leave it alone

Ha Ha Tonka - What Shepherds Of These Hills!? We know that history will be the harshest judge

Our Lady Peace - Supersatellite And nothing dazzles me, I am in his dreams / And nothing is shocking, transparent human being

Electric President - Elegant Disasters Now we know what you look like / We know your facade is cracking

Bush - Little Things I'd die in your arms, if you were dead too

Cloud Cult - The Tornado Lessons You got your finger on the trigger / Though you never wanna fight / Put your belly up and aim / For the sky, sky, sky, sky

Cowboy Junkies - Highway Kind Then I'll meet the ones between us, be thinkin' 'bout you / And all the places I have seen and why you were not there

Bruce Cockburn - Use Me While You Can Bullet in a sandstorm / Looking for a place to land

Sting - It's Probably Me You search the city / For your only friend / No-one would you see

Paul Simon - Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard Goodbye to Rosie, the queen of Corona

Stealers Wheel - Stuck In The Middle With You Well I don't know why I came here tonight / I've got the feeling that something ain't right

Ha Ha Tonka - Giant Strides Chomping at a bit I can't spit out / Some people just need to let it go

Lyle Lovett - Promises If God is my witness / Then God is my savior / But if you are my judge / Then I'm already damned

Bush - 40 Miles from the Sun I need to lose to make it right / I'll confront the stars tonight / I will babble, I will bite

Okkervil River - For the Enemy They'll tie us down / With those fine thin threads / And run their knives / Up and down our skin

Toad The Wet Sprocket - Whatever I Fear Did we expect these things to change / By waking up and suddenly there they are

Radiohead - Sit Down. Stand Up. Walk into the jaws of Hell

Matchbox Twenty - Bed of Lies I know that it's weak, but God help me, I need this

Indigo Girls - Starkville If you were here in Starkville / Well the local girls they wouldn't have a prayer

Emmylou Harris - I Don't Wanna Talk About It Now I wanna go down

The Mountain Goats - Have To Explode You name one thing about us two, anyone could love

Johnny Cash - God's Gonna Cut You Down But as sure as God made black and white / What's down in the dark will be brought to the light

Bush - Machinehead If I had it all again I'd change it all

Counting Crows - Cowboys Oh, I, I will make you look at me / Or I am not anything

Ha Ha Tonka - Dead Man's Hand All around me are wasted plans / Everywhere you look no matter where you stand

Bob Dylan - Not Dark Yet But it's getting there

Wilco - Via Chicago I dreamed about killing you again last night / And it felt all right to me

Matthew Good - Non Populus You know we could have stayed / Instead of crawling off into the wilderness

Psalmships - Heart Carries Blame I'm full of shit but I mean it

W.G. Snuffy Walden - Project Blue

O'Death - Ourselves Alone dear, I know where I'm leaving / Dried up, into the storm

Radiohead - Idioteque We're not scaremongering / This is really happening

Soul Coughing - $300 I need to feel it when the drug starts coming on / I know you lord are a jealous lord

The National - You Were a Kindness There wasn't any way for anyone to settle in / You made a slow disaster out of me

O'Death - Don't Come Back

Radical Face - Ghost Towns But all this time, I been chasin' down a lie / And I know it for what it is / But it beats the alternatives / So I'll take the lie

Joe Pug - I Do My Father's Drugs If you see me with a rifle / Don't ask me what it's for / I fight my father's war

Drew Bunting - Gin I meet him / Half-delivered / But he calls me brother, joy and lover

Dave Matthews Band - Bartender If I go, before I'm old / Oh brother of mine, please don't forget me if I go

Nina Simone - I Think It's Going to Rain Today Broken windows and empty hallways / A pale dead moon in the sky streaked with gray

Okkervil River - The Velocity of Saul at the Time of his Conversion But enough of “the fight,” enough “you and I” / Enough of “prevail” or “walk in the light”

The Flaming Lips - The Ego's Last Stand A man holds a gun / There's no explanation / Oh, he shoots at the sun

The Mountain Goats - High Hawk Season I saw the streets fill up with people that I knew / People who looked like you

Explosions In The Sky - Catastrophe and the Cure (Four Tet Mix)

Jonathan Coulton & Suzanne Vega - Now I Am an Arsonist Touch the sun, my eyes wide open unbelieving / Catch a breath, the only one who's left is leaving

William Elliott Whitmore - Rest His Soul We were living proof of a dying dream / The truth is no one saw us coming / There's always one more song left to sing

#trigun #trigun maximum #fst #i made this #spotify playlist

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limmastyles · 2 years

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i know you said ignore cbo but their recent stories give me so much anxiety and if it turns out to be true we're all fucked , it's terrible!!! I'm gonna have panic attack for real ...

Okay look, her recent posts were like:

She said that we're gonna see three stunts at festival in London and guess what? - NOTHING HAPPENED!

She posted fake pics with Niall from Harry's show in London to pretend that she was with him and guess what? - WE GOT PICS WITH NIALL AND HIS GIRLFRIEND AMELIA!

She "predicted" holivia engagement in NY a couple of months ago and all the time when DM or holivians started rumors about it and guess what? - NOTHING HAPPENED!

She said smth about Styles family trip with Cockburn in this summer and guess what? - NOTHING HAPPENED!

She's just speculating on rumors and fan posts that she's seeing in Twitter, Tumblr or Insta. She didn't say anything serious. So stop believe in every shit that she says

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goldenfharry · 1 year

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I already saw people empathize with Olivia and call Harry an ass for "playing with her feelings like that", "he gives her hope and then kisses her friend" SHE MAKES ME SO MAD!!!

Question: What exactly did Harry do to give #her hope?

According to princess, she's a girlboss who was ready to move on and get on with her boss life and now all of a sudden her narrative changes ALL because of that one video.

And are we forgetting how literally a couple of days ago (just before that video released) she was hanging out with her allegedly "abusive" ex. The same ex she was so scared of being near that she left her house and her kids with him to stay in a hotel?

Just face it Cockburn. You're frustrated that Harry has moved on and forgot about your existence as we (well some of us 🙄) all did aswell so you thought you would take advantage of the situation to get people talking about your irrelevant ass again.

Listen I'm not a huge fan of Emrata. In fact I dislike her very much. But I won't deny the fact that she's gorgeous and I see why Harry might have been attracted to her. And I won't lie but that video makes me so happy because I know it makes #her so angry and that's what I love to see 😁 two years of pissing us off and now she's the one getting pissed off by Harry. Love it!

Damn… maybe we’re thinking a little bit too much about that lady? I know I forgot her name so I could never have that reasoning 😂😂😂😂

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ravenadottir · 3 years

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some thoughts on cmm:

ok, so i played the episodes in between classes, and i'm-

here's the dialogues i think went down on fusebox hq's:

"henrik is not gonna be at the cmm, might as well make the other blond really stupid." "chelsea?" "no. gary."

"i wanna confuse the players... rahim is gonna arrive in a horse." "why?" "because that's gonna be confusing." "ohhhh..."

"lucas is gonna go from "daddy" to "father" real fucking fast."

"chelsea is not gonna invite hope because... there's no reason, so we'll say she's busy."

"priya has to be an li in cmm, but like, not really. let's make her as straight as possible."

'marisol is gonna tell people she doesn't wear a bra anymore." "why?" "reasons."

"bobby is gonna pretend he doesn't talk like a scottish person despite being born and raised there."

"bobby is gonna be wilma cockburn because some players said he's pegged constantly."

"let's make noah a reference to a funny character from a sitcom." "99?" "no! 'friends'!"

"priya has to look like a f!pimp or no dice."

"the others like carl and henrik are not that popular, so they won't be at the cmm episodes." "what about rahim?" "what about him?"

"we know our players pretty well, so let's give them a bedroom scene RIGHT AWAY." "are noah, lucas, rahim and marisol..." "just gary and bobby." "but the others are married to mc..." "just gary and bobby." "but..." "JUST GARY AND BOBBY!"

"chelsea now organizes parties." "why?" "because some fans wrote fan fiction about it and it makes a lot of sense." "oh, right."

also, whatever this jakub+kassam mash is, that reminds me of Lurch:

also also... if they don't make a joke with handcuffs, i don't even know anymore. in my head this theme is "murder mystery" because of that punchline.

and i'll say this: i like it! a lot! since season 2 ended fusebox lost the touch for humor there, but this is actually fun to play. i'm actually excited to see what happens, and i can't stress this enough, i love that chelsea is commanding this party.

#litg #litg murder mystery #litg murder mystery spoilers #spoilers #fusebox #love island the game #queue

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talkingharrystyles · 2 years

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This stunt is wearing me out. This whole mess regarding Cockburn and Jason is my last straw. I don't know if harry doesn't want to release the bua cause it will confirm they were a couple or if he has a different reason, but I think he should just give up, really. After all they've done in the past 1.5 years, she'll be forever listed as one of his exes, there's no way back now and he should run cause, although it's already late, it might get worse. He has an album to promote and I'm sure that a controversy like this one is not the kind of promotion he wants for it. I don't know if they have any control over what the leech does, but he and his team should never have let her release any new articles like the one we just got tying him to this damn mess cause there's no way he's leaving this unwounded and it sucks to think it's a situation he could have easily escaped from if this shit show hadn't been extended. Hope someone smacks some sense back to him and makes him end the stunt. I know it's a contract and he'll have to deal with the consequences of breaking it, but it's literally the last thing he should care about. It's gotten to a point where doing nothing will be worse than ending things. And I hope he doesn't get involved in stunts ever again, and if he does, hope they at least make some research about the person to be sure they aren't a problematic asshole like ykw.

I love harry, but I'm so mad at him. The only reason I'm still active in the fandom is because he's booked and busy with his album, tour and movie, cause if the stunt was the only "content" we were getting, I'd have left him already

(sorry for the rant)

You can rant all you want angel 🌸💗

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sortofanobsession · 1 year

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hi! i’ve genuinely read every single one of your roy/jamie fics and i’m obsessed with your writing!

i’d love an angsty established relationship fic — they get into a fight or break up but they’re trying to not have it affect the team or jamie’s playing but it’s hard when they have to see each other everyday. so the team + coaches try to parent trap them back together x

A/N There was a second ask that added this: i just wanted to add i love the way u depict darker themes so diving into their respective unhealthy coping mechanisms for dealing with the breakup would be amazing to read! x

I honestly wanted to keep what breaks them up vague, because I thought it was bit more interesting wondering. I have what I think it was, and I drop hits. But I might save that for it's own thing...maybe not sure.

Word count: 6k+

Ao3

Ted Lasso Masterlist

Paring: Roy x Jamie (Romantic), Jamie x Ted (platonic), Roy x Ted (platonic), Keeley x Jamie (platonic, formerly romantic), Jamie x AFC Richmond Himbos (platonic, duh, but Sam, Dani and Jamie are besties)

Content warning: Anxiety, nausea, mentions of vomiting, heavy drinking, mentions of violence, fear, paranoia, manipulation, injury, self-esteem issues, ptsd, self-deprecation, swearing/cursing/cussing, jealousy.

It’s Phoebe, so yeah

Roy had been staying with his sister until he could find a new place, and as much as he loved his sister and Phoebe, it was frustrating.

"Just admit you miss Jamie," his sister said as she sipped her tea as her brother prepared for training.

"Like a hole in my head," Roy says.

"You don't think just abruptly stopping his training will mess with his game?"

"So you think I should have stayed in a failing relationship so he doesn't suck?"

"I am just saying, don't take shit out on him or the team. You aren't the only one miserable here," his sister says.

"You think I'm that unprofessional?"

"You took your shit with Keeley out on Jamie, but the difference is, back then, he was a willing participant. Just don't ruin your career as a coach because you and your boyfriend had a spat and broke up."

Jamie is fucking miserable. He hates being alone. Dread had already had his morning shake threatening to make a reappearance twice before he made it to the Nelson Road car park. But he had nearly two decades of hiding his pain and misery. And heartbreak couldn't be as hard as hiding bruised ribs or broken toes, right? The team didn't have to know they split. How would they know that Roy had left him? Roy wouldn't tell them. He didn't like people knowing about his life. All Jamie had to do was go in, change into his kit, do his job, and he could go home and fall apart. He jumped slightly when someone knocked on his window.

"You good, bruv?" Isaac asks when Jamie gets out.

"Yeah, just a rough morning," Jamie says. He is already ruining his own plan.

"Try and shake it off. We have a brutal match tomorrow," Isaac says.

"Yeah, 'course," Jamie agrees as they walk into the building. "I'm sure I'll be fine once we get on the pitch, normalcy, yeah?"

"There we go, good vibes," Isaac says as they enter the locker room. Jamie keeps his head down and goes through the motions of getting changed. He mentally talks himself through the well-rehearsed process to keep his mind from wandering so he doesn't think about anything else. He must mutter something out loud because Cockburn gives him an odd look.

"Miss training this morning?" He asks Jamie.

"What?" Jamie asks, shocked he was so terrible at hiding shit these days.

"You are usually a ball of energy, but you're like a…live wire today," Cockburn says.

"Oh, yeah, slept like shit, so yeah, no training." He didn't have to tell him that it was because Roy didn't want to see him anymore. That Jamie had fucked up and ruined everything again. And now he was risking fucking up the team again. And he hadn't been this anxious for training since he came back to Richmond after getting booted from Man City. Yeah, he just keeps fucking up.

"Well, channel that shit into the ball. You're good at that."

"Yeah, thanks," Jamie says before he finishes changing. When his boots are laced, he doesn't wait to be told to head out. He just does. Maybe Cockburn is right, and he can work his shit out on the pitch. He is already out warming up by the time the team joins him. He doesn't notice the way Ted and Beard look at each other as Jamie silently joins them.

Roy does everything he can to avoid looking at Jamie. He won't admit it out loud, but he's a bit concerned about what he will see when he finally does. He hadn't missed what Cockburn had said or how Jamie had responded from where he was waiting on Ted by the office. He thinks about what his sister has said, and then Cockburn calling Jamie a live wire. But this is Jamie Tartt. Sure, he might have an off day, but he's young. He's talented. He'll bounce back in a day or two. He ignores the tiny voice of doubt in the back of his mind that points out Jamie never got over Keeley. If he did, it was because of Roy. So he might not get over it until he finds someone new. And that made something twist in Roy's stomach. The idea of Jamie with anyone hurt, even though Roy was the one that walked out. He had no right to be mad at a hypothetical version of Jamie. So he tried to focus on doing his job. He was thankful that Ted called for 11 on 11. That meant Roy wouldn't have to try and coach Jamie and the other forward players directly yet. Because he isn't sure, he is ready. That little voice is back, asking him if he ever will be. He has to finally look at Jamie when he misses an easy shot. And just looking at him, he can already tell Jamie is being harder on himself than anyone else could be. He knows that from the way Jamie waves off Dani and Sam, trying to cheer him up. Normally, Roy would go over, hype Jamie up, and get him over whatever is in his head, and it would be fine. But Roy's the problem this time. He knows it. He is the one that packed his shit and walked out on Jamie. And he can't do that to Jamie. He doesn't want to be that couple that breaks up constantly. No. He has to stay away from Jamie. It's for Jamie's own good. He's young. Being with Roy could fuck up his career. The little voice points out he already has. Jamie's a mess, missing wide-open shots and shutting out his friends. Jamie’s backslid, and it's Roy's fault. Roy really needed a drink. As soon as he got out of training, he was going to the pub.

Jamie is wound tight like a spring and rung out like a rag by the time training ends. He doesn't say anything to anyone. He just changed and goes home. At home, he doesn't eat or even change out of his clothes. He face plants on his bed, which still kinda smells like Roy, and tries to shut his brain off. He stays there until he eventually falls asleep after hours of tossing and turning. He wakes up, and everything is dark except for his phone. His phone is ringing.

"Hmm?" He answers.

"Jesus, Jamie, I've been trying to get a hold of you for hours. The team is freaking out. What is going on?"

"Roy broke it off," Jamie tells her.

"I'm sorry, babe, how you feeling?"

"Like shit," Jamie admits.

"Right," Keeley says as she thinks about it. "You get some sleep tonight. I'll let Sam know we talked. He's worried. And I'll come by tomorrow night, and we can talk, yeah?"

"Okay," Jamie says. He hangs up, double-checks his alarm, and goes back to sleep.

Roy goes to the pub but ends up just getting food and leaving. He was not in the mood to deal with annoying fans. Normally he just tells them to fuck off, but he just wants to eat his dinner and drown his sorrows. So he goes back to his sister’s, goes to her liquor cupboard, and grabs a bottle, not really caring what it is. He pours a glass of whiskey and eats his dinner. Phoebe joins him, and he goes through the motions of listening to her. He tries, but he just doesn’t have it in him to entertain her. But he doesn’t send her to her room or get mad at her. It’s her home, and he’s just crashing there. The glass doesn’t stay empty for long. He drinks a bit more than he probably should before he passes out on the couch. He wakes up with a hangover. He finds a bottle of water and painkillers left for him by his sister. And he hates himself for being so stupid and being a burden on his family.

Jamie’s stomach threatens to reject the small breakfast he managed to eat. But like the day before, he pushes through.

"You look like shit," Colin says when Jamie walks into the locker room to prepare for the match, they have later in the day.

"Good to see you too, Colin."

Jamie takes a nasty tackle during the match. He is so pissed at himself that nothing anyone says registers as he makes his way to the locker room. He'd come down hard on his wrist, and it was already swelling by the time he gets to there. The med team splints it and gives him an ice pack. He sniffles when he is alone in the treatment room. A voice that sounds suspiciously like his dad mentally berates him for being weak, for being soft, and a crybaby. He looks up to see Ted approaching him.

"Should be fine in a bit, don't use me hands in the game anyway, so should be good to go in-"

"Not sure that's the best idea, Jamie. Took a heck of a hit. You should rest."

"I'd feel better if I was back out there."

"Somehow, I doubt that."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, you have been struggling before that hit. Have been since yesterday. I figured you'd talk to someone eventually, but clearly, it is starting to impact your ability to play-"

"You're benching me because of this?" He gestures to his splinted wristed.

"I'm benching you because you don't look well, Jamie. And I tried to see if you could sort it out on your own, but short of calling your mom, I'm not sure how else to get through to you. Take a day or two and try and sort yourself out. Call someone if you need to."

"You're serious," Jamie says in disbelief.

"Go home, Jamie, rest up. Heal up. Check-in with you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yes, sir," Jamie says, his tone a bit cold. He goes back to the locker room and changes out of his kit. He leaves before the team even knows he's out of the game.

"You what?!" Roy shouts at Ted.

"Sent him home, he's injured, and clearly he-"

"He needs his support network, not to be sent home to overthink every mistake he made."

"For someone that walked out on the guy, you sure seem to be mad."

Roy has no comeback for that. All he can do is send a text to Keeley asking her to check on Jamie. And Keeley leaves the match early to do so.

"When was the last time you ate?" Keeley asks him when he lets her into his flat.

"Earlier," Jamie says.

"Did you eat after they gave you pain meds?"

"Not hungry."

"Tell that to the future ulcer in your stomach from taking painkillers on an empty stomach."

"If I eat a sandwich, can I go back to bed?"

"Jamie, I know you are hurting, but you can't just sleep all day."

"I'm not allowed to train. I can't focus on shit. I'll heal faster if I sleep, so seems fine to me."

"You aren't resting to heal. You're depressed. I know breakups are hard, but you can't just-"

"Yes, I can," Jamie says.

"Jamie," Keeley was shocked by how defiant he was being. He had been a prick in the past, but this felt different. This was him determined to wallow in sadness.

"Sorry," he mutters before going to make a sandwich he didn't even want but would eat because Keeley said so. "No guarantees it stays down," he adds.

"Are you sick?" She goes over and feels his forehead, and he lets her. But he knows he isn't sick sick. It was just in his head.

"I'm not that kind of sick," he points out. He taps his head. "It's in me head. I just, I think about having to go to training. About having to see him. About letting the team down again. I feel like I'm back trying to get accepted at Richmond all over again, but I just keep fucking up, and everyone is going to hate me. And I can't even train to be better because he was the one training me, and I try to eat, but my stomach won't let me. I try to sleep, and I can't and-" He doesn't realize he is crying until Keeley hugs him.

"It's understandable to be anxious, babe," she drags him into the living room and sits him down. She gets out and orders him something she thinks he can eat to be delivered and something for herself because she has a feeling she isn't going anywhere for now.

After they eat, Jamie falls asleep snuggled against her on the couch. Her phone buzzes, and she checks it. She rolls her eyes. It's Roy asking if Jamie is okay for the sixth time.

Keeley: if you are so concerned why not see for yourself

Roy-o: I'll only make it worse

Keeley: how

Roy-o: because I am the reason he is this way

Keeley: no shit

Keeley: that means you could also fix it

Keeley: you're an idiot and a right prick you're both miserable

Keeley: you could fix it for both of you but you won't

When Roy doesn't respond, she gets frustrated. She texts Ted.

Keeley: I got Jamie to eat, take something for his wrist, and sleep.

Ted: how bad is he?

Keeley: he is an anxious and heartbroken mess that has himself worked up that he is letting the team down

Ted: which only makes it seem like he is failing more which makes it worse and he's caught in a spiral of bad. Got it.

Keeley: I'll stay with him tonight but I have to work tomorrow.

Ted: don't sweat it. We'll handle it.

Keeley: thanks Ted

Roy is the last one in the office, and the locker room is empty. Everyone else had gone home after the game. No one was in the mood to celebrate. An injured and benched striker could really hurt their chances in the league. Roy had thrown his phone across his desk after rereading the texts from Keeley. He gets a bottle of scotch out of his desk drawer and pours himself a drink. He wanted to check on Jamie himself. He wanted to make sure that Jamie wasn’t beating himself up for someone else tackling him. But he knew he couldn’t. He had been the one that put Jamie off his game. His phone goes off.

Ted: You’re right. He needs his team.

Ted: He will still be at training but he is not allowed to train.

Roy leaves him on read and drains the rest of his drink before heading back to his sister’s place.

Keeley is trying to coax Jamie to eat the next morning when his doorbell rings. She finds a smiling Dani Rojas and a concerned-looking Sam Obisanya.

"Oh, hi," she gives them a tired smile.

"Coach said Jamie needed friends," Dani says.

"And breakfast," Sam adds.

"He does," she nods and lets them in. "Look who dropped by, Jamie."

Jamie immediately gets up from his spot on his sofa but relaxes a bit when he sees it's just Dani and Sam.

"Hi guys," Jamie says.

"I have to run home before work. Text me if you need anything." She hugs Jamie. "Let them help you," she whispers to him. "They care about you like I do. Don't fight them." She feels him a nod. She gives Jamie a kiss on the cheek, which earns her a small smile. "Okay, babes, see you all later."

"How is your wrist?" Sam asks as he sets the takeaway containers on Jamie's coffee table. Dani hands him a paper cup. And Jamie smells the lovely scent of coffee, and he almost cries because Keeley is right. His friends are there because they care. They don't hate him. He hasn't actually ruined his relationship with his teammates. Maybe it was all in his head.

"I…fuck, it's good to see you guys," Jamie says, and he does have tears in his eyes.

"Of course, mi amigo," Dani smiles. "All you have to do is ask. We will be here."

"But we cannot help you if we don't know what is wrong," Sam says. And Jamie tells them everything because he can't keep it in, and he is a fucking mess. But Dani hugs him and tells him he is okay that he isn't bad or a failure.

"You haven't ruined anything," Sam says. "Well, nothing that cannot be fixed. If you need someone to train with, just ask. Might not be 4 in the morning, but a few extra hours could be good."

"And we can do it together," Dani agrees. "Always more fun with more friends."

"You guys would do that for me?"

"Of course we will, you are our friend and our teammate, and this could help all of us be better, but not until after your arm is healed. Until then, we can still keep you company." Sam finds the remote and turns on the TV. He finds some mindless show that will work as background noise or a distraction. And they all settle in to eat.

A few hours later, Sam has to leave to help his dad at Ola's, but Ted swings by to take his place for a bit. Dani and Ted fill the quiet and put Jamie's mind at ease until Dani leaves in the afternoon. Leaving just Jamie and Ted.

"How you feeling?" Ted asks as they eat a light dinner.

"Better, actually. Like my thoughts aren't so loud, and I can eat without it coming back up."

"That's good, Jamie," Ted smiles at him. "You know I didn't send you home as punishment, right? I knew you were struggling, and I was going to call and check on you after the match. I was worried, but being with the team was making it worse, so I figured you needed a breather. Maybe I should have waited until after the match, but you do need rest, Jamie. Maybe not the time away from the team, but you need to let yourself relax. And I know that being alone ain't helpful when your head gets caught up in everything, but running yourself into the ground isn't good for you. You don't have to hide it, though. No one will think less of you for being in a rut. You have friends. You haven't failed anyone. You've worried them, but the team knows that this isn't the normal you. They aren't mad. They want to help. Let your team help you."

"It's just hard because…" Jamie can't say it.

"Because Roy is there?" Ted finishes for him. Jamie nods. "I can't imagine that is easy to deal with. But you aren't alone. You have the team. They're a good buffer and a great distraction. Now that Sam and Dani know, they'll help you. Keep you out of your head. Hopefully, keep a few of the others from asking questions."

Jamie groans because he knows the whole team is going to know now, and they will probably blame Jamie or Roy, and it could get even more awkward. He doesn't want anyone to be mad at Roy. He wasn't even mad at Roy. He missed Roy, and having to see him every day didn't make it any easier not to miss him. He was so fucking close, but it wasn't the same, and it hurt Jamie's soul.

"Jamie," Ted starts. "This is just another obstacle you have to learn to navigate. Can't be avoided, but it can be overcome. You might need a bit of a boost from your buddies, but you can, and you will get past it. It just takes time. It will get easier."

"Thanks, Coach," Jamie says.

Roy gets a text from Ted that Roy's going to be working with the defenders and reserves for the time being. And Roy knew this was coming. When Keeley told him, he was an idiot. His sister was right. He needed to find a way to make this work, or he'd have to leave Richmond. He couldn't let his issues ruin Jamie's career. And Richmond was good for Jamie. Yeah, it was Roy's home, but Jamie thrived there. He was hours away from his fucking old man. So he was safe from that bullshit. He had friends on the team that loved him. And he had Ted. Roy could find a new team if he needed to. He didn't want to, but he wanted Jamie to get better. And he did want Jamie to get better. But fuck, he didn't know how else to fix this. Jamie deserved better.

A few days go by of Roy coaching the defenders. He tried to ignore the way Sam and a few of the team members would look at him. It made Roy feel uneasy. Most, if not all, of the players, knew that he'd left Jamie, and that is why Jamie was struggling. They knew Roy could see Jamie suffering, and as Keeley figured, he was just being a prick by letting it go on. They didn't know that they had fought over stuff they do all the time. That Jamie would be better off with someone that wouldn't ruin his career if the press found out. That Jamie deserved to be with someone his age. The nights are filled with liquor, and Roy’s mornings are usually a blur from being hung over.

Keeley and Sam meet Ted and Beard at the Crown and Anchor.

"We have to do something," Keeley says as she takes a pull off her drink. "They are both miserable, but Roy thinks Jamie is better off without him, even though Jamie is clearly not better off."

"How do you know Roy thinks that?" Beard asks.

"Because his sister told me so, that and he has been drinking more than usual, and as much as Phoebe loves having her uncle around 24/7, his sister knows it isn't good for Roy."

"Okay, so what do we do?"

"Make them realize they are idiots in love and are at their best when they are together."

"You want to Parent Trap them?" Ted asks.

"Exactly!" Keeley grins.

"But how?” Sam asks. “Neither of them are parents."

"Technically, they aren't,” Keeley states. “But I know at least one child they both would do anything for, and her mum is willing to help."

Keeley drops by training with Phoebe a week later. The match the day before had been a draw, and tensions were high. But they all knew something had to give. She leaves Phoebe with Ted and goes, as planned, to see Rebecca.

Roy has no fucking clue how it happens, but one minute his niece is fine kicking the ball around with a few players. The next moment she is crying. Jamie is, of course, faster than he is and is physically closer to her. He is there before Roy even realizes what is going on. Even with his splinted wrist, Jamie picks Phoebe up and takes her inside. Ted tells Roy to go with them, and he'll find out what happens. Roy doesn't need to be told twice. He finds them in the treatment room with the med team looking over Phoebe's ankle. She sniffles, but Jamie is on the treatment table next to her, talking her through it. Her small little hand was in his. Jamie gets up when Roy enters and looks like he is about to leave. "Your Uncle's here now. You'll be-" Jamie starts to say, but Phoebe interrupts him.

"No!" Phoebe shouts and sniffles. She whispers something neither can hear to the medic, and the medic leaves. Both Roy and Jamie gape at Phoebe as she hops down off the table and hurries out the door. It slams closed, and they hear it lock behind her. Roy tries the door, but it doesn't open.

"Phoebe, open the door," Roy demands.

"No! Not until you two fix it," Phoebe's muffled voice shouts. "You love each other. So fix it!"

"Open the door now, Phoebe!" Roy shouts, and Jamie winces at the volume in the small space.

"No!" She repeats.

"Did we just fall into a trap set by an 8-year-old girl?" Jamie asks. And Roy grunts.

"She has a key," Roy points out. "Which means she had help."

"Is it even legal to have a door lock like this in a public building?" Jamie wonders.

"Probably not, but she had help, and if Beard was in on it, then we are fucking stuck."

Jamie goes to put his hands in the pocket of his trackies and winces as it moves his sore wrist.

"She didn't make it worse, did she?" Roy asks, now worried Phoebe just made Jamie's life even more difficult than it already was.

"It's fine," Jamie says, now fiddling with the velcro on the splint and staring at the floor. "She's not that heavy."

"I know," Roy starts. "But if it's bad enough you can't play, then-"

"It's fine, Roy," Jamie repeats. "It's Phoebe. Wasn't just going to sit there and do nothing."

"Even if it made your injury worse?"

"It's Phoebe, so yeah," Jamie shrugs. "You might not like me anymore, but I'm not going to-"

"Who says I don't like you anymore, Jamie?"

"Leaving with your bag and avoid me like the plague since has made that crystal fucking clear," Jamie says. "I'm going to visit my mum after the match in Blackburn. So you can get your shit if you want."

"Jamie," Roy starts, but he doesn't know how to finish. It is awkwardly silent. Because Roy asked for this, he wanted Jamie to move on. But even when Jamie was a prick to him and literally toasted to Roy's death, it didn't hurt this much. Because he hadn’t loved Jamie back then. And now, Jamie was guarded. Cold. He made Jamie this way.

"Thought so," Jamie muttered. He pushes past Roy to the door. "Phoebe, I know you mean well, but can you please open the door? No matter what happens, you still have me. You have my number. You can use it. And I'm not mad you tricked us. And your uncle won't be either if you open the door," Jamie kept his tone just loud enough for her to hear through the door but not in an angry shout because he wasn't mad. He was numb. It was quiet for a minute before they heard the door unlock, and then it opened. Jamie gives Phoebe a sad smile. "Thanks, Phoebs." He pats her head with his good hand. "I owe you a quid," Jamie says, and he heads to the locker room.

"Are you mad?" Phoebe asks Roy.

"Not at you, kid," Roy says honestly.

"Are you mad at Jamie?" She asks.

"Fuck no," Roy says. He sighs. "I'm mad at whoever gave you that key. And myself, because I think I did more damage than I thought I did."

"Oh, is Jamie's hand okay?" She asks.

"I think so," Roy assures her. "He doesn't mind if it is sore. He cares more about you than he does his wrist. And he's right. No matter what happens, you still have both of us. If you want to talk to Jamie, you can. Be kind of shitty of me to take away another person in your life."

"I know," she says, her tone sad because both Roy and Jamie were still upset.

"Let's find Keeley, and you can make her get you ice cream."

"Okay," Phoebe says.

"Fuck you," Roy glares at Ted as he throws the key Phoebe had given him before she left with Keeley. Keeley had already received a full Roy speech about using his niece in a childish plan. Roy goes and pours himself a drink because he is beyond done. His day is fucked, and there is no way he can do without something to take the edge off.

"Hold on, let me-" Ted starts to say, but Roy is not having it. He growls as he slams the drawer of his desk and is back in the main office.

"Fuck both of you!" Roy shouts at Beard too. "What gives you the right to fucking do what you did? She is a fucking child. You had her fucking lie to me. My own fucking family! You risked Jamie Tartt hurting his wrist worse because, of fucking course he wasn't going to let an injury stop him from helping Phoebe. He loves her like his fucking own. If you ever think of involving Phoebe in your fucking Rom-Communism bullshit again, I will punch you in the throat. She is a child!” He glares at Ted. “You are a fucking father! You should fucking know better! And this isn't a fucking movie! Things are never that simple, and you only made it worse! Because now he fucking hates me more! Made that perfectly clear! So stay the fuck out of it!"

Roy storms out of the office. A few players and staff members hurry to get out of his way.

"Well, that's not good," Ted says, looking over at Beard.

"Nope," Beard agrees.

"Hey, Ted," Keeley says later that day when she calls him. "I need to warn you that-"

"Roy is very angry, I know," Ted sighs.

"Well, yeah, but I think we did some additional damage to Jamie." She says.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I called to ask if he wanted me to pick up dinner and come see him, but he said not to bother. He just wants to get his stuff ready for Blackburn and for going to his mum's. Told me he wasn't mad, but he is just done."

"What do you mean done?"

"I don't know," Keeley admits. "He says he cleared it with Rebecca and Higgins to take the week after the Blackburn match off. He's going to Manchester. Just wanted to give you a heads up."

They load the bus for the 4-hour drive to Blackburn, and it is oddly subdued compared to the normal liveliness of the team. Everyone knows Jamie wasn't going to be returning with them. He'll be at the game, but he is taking the train to Manchester after. Jamie had assured his friends he'd be back in Richmond after a week. He didn't see his mum much, and with his wrist being fucked anyway, he was going to stay with her.

The trip there was an uneasy one.

Jamie and Dani Rojas shared a room. Normally he roomed with Sam or even Roy, but Sam had admitted to helping Phoebe with her plan, and Jamie had said he wasn't mad, but he still wasn't happy. He forgave Sam before the match, but nothing changed.

Roy paces around his hotel room after the match. Jamie had told him he was going to see his mum. But knowing he was and seeing him leave were two very different things. He had watched the team say goodbye. Some members of the team gave Roy pitying looks, and a couple of them glared at him. But Jamie had barely looked at Roy. And that had Roy's chest feeling painfully tight. He still loved Jamie. He couldn’t deny it. He’d already eaten the food he ordered and more than one beer. Only stopping when he realized how stupid it was to keep drinking like that. Jamie didn’t mind if the people in his life drank. But he was not a fan of drunks. Jamie’s father had thrown a few too many bottles at him while pissed. Roy ended up leaving the rest of the pack in the hotel room fridge untouched. He needed to get his shit together and drink until he passes out because of the idea of falling asleep without Jamie beside him fucking hurt.

After a mostly sleepless night, Roy made a decision. He had everything set before most of the team was probably even awake. He went and knocked on Ted's door.

"I am going to Manchester."

"What?" Ted was half awake.

"I'm going to Manchester. I won't be on the bus."

"Going after Jamie?" Ted asked hopefully.

"Might end up a fucking disaster, but I'm going to go."

"Good luck," Ted says. "Let me know how it goes."

Jamie thinks he's losing his mind when his mum answers the door, and he can swear he hears Roy. He makes his way to the hall and hears her arguing with someone. When he rounds the corner to the stairs, he freezes. It was Roy.

Roy's eyes meet his, and he can see how tired Roy looks.

"Fine," Jamie hears his mum say. "But you upset him, and I will throw you out. This is my house."

"Understood," Roy says, looking back at Georgie. She disappears down the hall and into the kitchen. Roy steps further into the entryway and closes the door behind him. He looks up at Jamie again.

"Hi," Roy says.

"Eh…hi," Jamie says. "What are you doing here?"

"Can we talk?"

"Sure," Jamie makes his way down the rest of the stairs and leads Roy to the living room. Jamie waits silently.

"I don't want to get my shit. I don't want to find a new flat. I…want to go home."

"You want me to move?" Jamie asks, annoyance in his tone.

"Fuck no," Roy says. "Not really home if you aren't there."

Jamie just stares at him. Roy sighs.

"Phoebe was right. I need to fix this." Roy gestures between Jamie and himself. "I know I fucked up. I just keep thinking you would be so much better off with anyone else. Someone that isn't an angry and broken idiot."

"But what if I don't want anyone else? What if I'm happy with an angry and broken idiot?"

"Are you happy?" Roy asks bluntly.

"Been a shitty few fucking weeks," Jamie says. "But I was happy before that."

"Even when I pick fights for stupid reasons?" Roy asks.

"Even then, because when we fight it out, the sex is fucking awesome," Jamie grins but it fades. "Not so much when you leave and don't come back. Even when you had the chance."

"I didn't want to make things harder for you," Roy admits.

"Harder? Roy, I couldn't eat or sleep unless Keeley, Sam, or Dani stayed with me. I fucked up my wrist and couldn't even play. It was already too fucking hard. And after what happened with Phoebe, I didn't even want to see them. I just shut down. Went numb."

Roy grimaces. "I thought it would be better for you in the long run if you had the team. You would find someone new."

"I don't want anyone new!" Jamie shouts. "I just want you."

"I know but-"

He is cut off by Jamie grabbing his wrist and dragging Roy upstairs to his childhood bedroom. "Fucking look!" Jamie gestures to Roy's poster on the wall. "I told you I fucking loved you. Loved watching you play. Then I said I love you for you. Fucked up knee and-" Jamie goes over and takes the plastic whistle off the wall. "And your stupid fucking allergy to whistles." He throws it at Roy. He points at the poster again. "You fucking think I would want anyone else? I used to fucking dream of this, you fucking prick. Quit trying to fucking fight me, and let me love you."

Roy stares at the whistle as everything Jamie just said sinks in. Jamie loves every version of Roy. He can see that now. And it's a violent and terrifying feeling of love at times. But he feels it. And Roy is moving before he even knows what he's doing, but he just needs to be with Jamie. He feels like shit when Jamie isn't there. He pulls Jamie in and kisses him.

"I can't fucking sleep either," Roy tells him. "Could only drink until I could actually sleep. Seeing you struggle and not being able to help was eating away at my fucking heart. Fucking shattered it when you told me you wanted me to move out."

"I never wanted you to leave, and if I was there when you came to get your stuff, I'm not sure I could have kept it together. I'd have lost my shit and either begged you to stay or just cry. So I gave you an out."

"I don't want an out," Roy puts a hand on Jamie's cheek and wipes away a few stray tears that were there. "I want you to be happy."

"I'm happy with you, you fucking bellend." Jamie kisses him desperately, hoping to make his point. "No one is ever happy all the time, not even Ted. It's how you handle the shit times that matters. You can't just run away, Roy."

"I know, and I won't. Not like this. Not again." Roy holds him close.

"Fucking good," Jamie says. He even nudges Roy until the older man is sitting on his bed. Jamie goes over and kicks his door closed. "Now fucking prove it."

"Fulfilling those childhood dreams of yours?" Roy grins.

"Fuck yeah," Jamie says as he straddles Roy's hips.

"I fucking missed you," Roy growls before pulling Jamie into a kiss.

"Missed you too," Jamie says against his lips.

"Fucking love you, you know that, right?" Roy grunts when Jamie shifts his weight, and he hits Roy's clothed and half-hard dick.

"Yeah, I do," Jamie grins. "Fucking love you too. Now shut up before my mum hears you." Jamie kisses him. Roy swallows Jamie's moan when in a quick move, Roy pins him to the bed.

If Jamie's mum hears them, she doesn't say anything when they finally make it back downstairs. She gives Roy another lecture about taking care of her son before telling Roy he is welcome to stay. Roy thanks her but says he booked a hotel. She even serves him tea.

"For how long?" Jamie asks.

"Didn't want to assume you'd just accept me back," Roy says. "Or that your parents would even let me in."

"Thought you'd have to prove it, yeah?" Jamie says. The striker smirks when Roy chokes on his tea. Jamie had told him to prove it in his bedroom, and Roy had fucked Jamie under Roy's Chelsea poster.

"Goodness, Roy," Jamie's mum took the mug of tea from him as he coughed. "Are you alright?"

Roy nods. His eyes were watering. "Yeah, I'm good," Roy manages when he can breathe again. "Sorry," he says.

"No need to apologize. Just try not to inhale it this time," Georgie insists. She hands him back the mug.

"Thanks," Roy says. Jamie laughs.

"Fucking finally," Someone says as Roy and Jamie walked into the locker room together a week later.

"Fuck off," Roy glares.

"We're just happy for you," Sam says. "Feeling better?" He asks Jamie.

"Yeah, thanks, mate," Jamie grins and puts his hand over his heart. "Didn't know you all missed me so much. I'm touched."

That earns a mix of laughs and boos.

"Well, I'm glad you are back, mi amigo," Dani hugs him.

Jamie hugs him back. "Me too, mate, me too."

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daydreamrry · 3 years

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You know, I'm not one of those people who believe Haylor was a stunt, but I do believe that it was milked to the ends of the earth for PR, and Taylor sensationalized it massively with 1989, the songs almost threw out a narrative that they were eternal soulmates or some shit like that and then the second that era was over, any mention of Harry and their marking, whirlwind romance was never heard of again in her discography.

But again, Taylor is the sort of person who likes to romanticise everything and exaggerate real details to turn them into a greater than life version of it, and that is a trait of a good songwriter. However, it's undeniable that the promo that 1d and TS both got from the hype around 1989 and then the way everyone was talking about Harry when the songs in the album were first heard, benefitted them heavily.

This means that this tactic could definitely be used in a relationship that has no true aspects to it. Like let's say Harry finds someone that he publicly seems to have a utopian compatibility with and appears to be absolutely enamored by them to an extent that he has an excuse not to mention O in HS3, that's the best case scenario for us, but unless that happens, there definitely would be an ostentatious stunt song in HS3 that would stand out the way Cherry did in FL and Style and Out if the woods did in 1989. And that song would get talked about like Style and ootw did, because people love that kind of shit among celebs.

But guess who else would get talked about along with it, yes, Cockburn.

The masses get so pumped up when a famous songwriter has a public breakup because they expect all the deets of the relationship in her next projects. People for this very reason couldn't wait for 1989 to come out and the boost of high profile relationship like Haylor being associated with it truly helped the album become as famous as it did. This could be the fate of HS3 too, which would be great, but the problem is, Holivia is immensely famous too, if not as much as Haylor because O is irrelevant, but the overexposure of the stunt, the yacht photos being everywhere, and how big Harry is right now all adds to it.

This is a big opportunity for Harry, and he needs to be very careful in using this aspect to his career's advantage while also not blowing up O, because she simply doesn't deserve it.

When people are served a song from inside the private love lives of two famous people in a silver platter (i.e when a particular song(s) is super obviously about the ex lover, like Style is basically a pun from Harry's name and Cherry has Camille's voice in it) then they get fed and they blow that shit up in a second's time, analysing it (even when it's the easiest song to analyse since everyone knows what it's about) and have a fawning session over the broken up couple or something like that.

So I think for a last PR step, H might be forced to write a song about O if he's in no other relationship between Holivia and the release of his next album, because not doing that would just be sus.

He could base the theme of the album completely on self discovery or something like that, but the thing is at the end of the day, everyone in the industry looks for profit and someone with an image like Harry's can't put out an album with no love songs in it, barely any artists do that today.

On the brighter side, he could write vague songs and leave people speculating for years without anything directly being about redacted because then it wouldn't necessarily make a lot of headlines and attract too much attention for O, the way Cherry did to C for a long time and Style did to HS and so on.

Also, I think it's best if HS does to O what Tay did to Calvin Harris. Ik this is a Harry blog so sorry for bringing up Taylor so many times, but incase you didn't know, Taylor dated Calvin Harris sometime after Haylor and then the Kanye drama happened and TS wanted to get out of her relationship with CH so she used Tom Hiddleston as a getaway car from him and then dumped Loki for her current boyfriend Joe Alwyn.

So honestly Calvin was a jerk (Olivia can relate to that) so I think the whole thing that TS did was a badass move(other than the part where she broke Tom's heart, Loki I can treat you better).

But anyways, Taylor didn't mention Calvin in any of her songs in her next album despite the duration of her dating, and she's mentioned Tom more than him who she dated for only a couple months. The funniest part? She wrote a song called "I forgot that you existed" which is widely speculated to be the only song on her discography about Calvin.

This prevented him from getting a major career push from being mentioned on the songs of someone as popular as Taylor, and so his career's sinking now even though he'd gotten some of his biggest hits while he was associated with TS. You see, this is the right fate for O, H shouldn't give her any more promo after they're done.

The Swiftie fandom has forgotten Calvin ever exited because Taylor did, and as for us HS fans, we want nothing more than to forget about Olivia Wilde's existence. We don't want a good song ruined because it mentions her, I would never be physically able to listen to it, picturing Cockburn's horrifying, enlarged forehead floating infront of my vision, I'd feel sick.

Maybe Harry would get some attention from the critics for it, but it would mostly benefit O and nobody wants that, please H.

I feel like H should try this, dump O and get someone genuinely nice (and maybe even a poc, please consider it if you're reading this H) and then only talk about how much he adores this new person on his next album and act like O never existed, or that he wasn't happy in the "relationship" at best (and maybe even throw a little shade at O, but knowing the unhealthy level of polite and drama free this man is, he'll probably not do that.)

Consider it, the hysteria around the new project could get Harry 1989 level of success which he deserves, but nobody knows the contents of it before they listen to it. The hype would matter, it would be great promo as all tabloids write about it, speculating.

When the album's out, this would enable Harry to attain massive success from the gp who would initially scour the album for traces of his personal life because Holivia made them care about it suddenly (the way Haylor was like a fever dream for pop culture, and also bare for the world to see and the media wouldnt shut up about it so Taylor bashed the fans and paps in like three of her songs straight. But anyways, this made sure that the public who barely knew anything about these popstars suddenly saw them canoodling at a popular public spot and got interested in it, and thus got excited for 1989) while also having only vague or non-existent mentions of O in it actually which would make the talks around her fade away completely and focus on the new person, who he would make the new album completely about.

They would also come across some great music in the process of listening to the album just for gossip in the first place, so in turn H's fanbase would increase.

I'm sure we'll find Cockburn crying on the floor of her bathroom if this happens, and that's reason enough to do it.

Sorry this is so long, I was just having ideas.

WAIT I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!!! AND THIS CAN LEAD TO HIS REP ERAAAAAA OHMGMFMF YOU ARE A GENIUS 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 THIS WOULD BE SO ICONIC OF HIM AND WOULD DEFINITELY GIVE HIM A LOT OF PUBLICITY!

@jeff, i know you’re stalking me, take notes.

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