i love putting characters through hurt and im thinking right now about the "one that got away" trope, particularly in the context of the katy perry song....
katsuki sitting alone in his kitchen. it's well lit, beautiful really. everything a successful pro-hero could ever hope to have, but he can't help but think about the person he'd originally intended to share it with.
all those years ago on his shitty couch in his shitty apartment, you tucked under his arm with a glass of shitty chardonnay that sloshes every time you laugh with your belly. fantasizing about having the type of open living room that would let you see into the kitchen. about an archway with crown-molding, peering into a warmly lit kitchen. no more renting. talking with you about the type of furniture you'd fill the space with. warm dark wood, an antique dining table, bookshelves and not needing to worry about just how much space they take up.
he can't help but think about how he'd decorated it the way you'd talked about. it was unconsciously done, of course and he only really notices it on late nights like these. when he's alone with a cup of steaming tea and takes a moment to remember where he is. katsuki can't help but feel that you'd like the way he decorated his house. like somehow, on some level, he'd done it for you.
of course, that was years ago. 10 maybe? yeah, 10 sounds right. it may be longer, but if it is, katsuki doesn't really want to think about it. just more wasted time.
he tries to be positive about it, about his good standing in life. fame, wealth, power even. he tries to be grateful for the blessings, for the job he loves, the home he finds beautiful, the friends who pulled him out when you left. katsuki tries to move on, to continue forward. but nights like these make the wound fresh. they cut him open a little bit.
it could have been really good, he thinks. if he'd been a little smarter or a little wiser. if he'd ponied up his courage to... be more. pride's a bitch though and it really only leaves you when what matters most already has. but it could have been good. this house could have been good. you could have sat with him, worried about him. he could have taken care of you.
there have been other people. katsuki has tried, he really has. but he's still a bit too stubborn. it only gets worse with age. everyone has a little bit of you in them. something that reminds him of the way things could have been. snippets of someone too far away to reach. yeah, they all have a little bit of you, but they're not you. that's where katuski thinks he's gone wrong.
he has people that never really leave him. that's just who he is. you're one of them, he supposes. in another life, you wouldn't be the one that got away. he'd look in the mirror at his premature gray hairs and instead of being alone, you'd come up next to him and tell him that you've always liked a silver fox. yeah, that sounds about right, like something you would say.
you're probably married now. katsuki can't really bring himself to check, doesn't really want to. no point in mulling it over, he thinks. his tea's getting cold.
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what looks do you think the westerosi are showing off at the Tourney of Harrenhal?
biggest gathering of the year, first inter-kingdom gathering after winter, first King Aerys public appearance in forever, some peeps expecting a secret meeting with rhaegar about taking over for his father — it was THE party!
oh bitch the girls were turning ouuuuuut!
The Starklings were dressed in very Riverlander-like clothing (early to classic Medieval-ish) for the trip, which were very well made, befitting their status as children of the Warden of The North, but probably way simpler compared to most of the southerners. Probably a muted grey-black-deep blue pallet too, so that Rickard could cement their Serious Stark Vibes at the function. Brandon probably thought it made them look cool. Lyanna had the traditional wide flowing gowns and loose veils that I guess make blonde predators go oh wow I need to kidnap her for a prophecy
Tywin couldn't have his children looking like bums ofc. Cersei was still in the throes of her teenage Higharden fashions era, with a very high waist, pushed up bosom, and puff sleeves. Jamie's doublets all fitted perfectly and was made sure to have his fur-trimmed overgrown fall at just the right angle. And he probably had the best armor at the tourney, gilded with lions and vines. Because even though Tywin would rather kill Jamie than see him in the kingsgaurd, his son couldn't be caught not looking fresh. The tailors at Casterly were worked so hard they probably had the first ever medieval thoughts of unionizing.
Rhaegars bitch ass. Probably tended to wear longer coats/gowns/talbards, except for when he was sparring or jousting of course. They were obviously very well made, but were almost underwhelming for the heir to the kingdom, as he tended towards the simplistic side. Also I think they sometimes bordered on feminine bc he was a fairly androgynous figure To Me.
I think the Daynes were wearing their usual (Turkish) fashions, liking to stand out a bit from the crowd, but didn't stand out so much as the Martells. Ashara was the belle of the ball with her insanely detailed over gowns and fur linings in almost foreign styles. Yes it made Arthur extremely jealous when he saw Brandon and Barrister tripping over themselves around her (yes I'm going with the Dayne incest headcanon sorry). Also, the men in the family wore the traditional tightly wrapped styles as well, except for Arthur who probably slept in his kingsgaurd armor.
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When Al Haitham dreams, it's in shades of sandy blonde and red, metallic gold and feather-blue. His nightmares are colored much the same.
Kaveh leisurely strolls ahead of him, shoes leaving deep treads in the soft desert sand. He keeps a careful distance, arms length, and in return Al Haitham keeps an eye on him, the other man's back dead center in his sights.
He curses the sand in his boots and the long line of footprints he steps into, already the exact shape of the soles of his shoes.
They aren't lost. Al Haitham knows where they are. They've been here before. They are still here.
Kaveh doesn't watch their feet. His head is constantly tipped back with his eyes on the stars and their constellations (of which Al Haitham only knows two, Vultur Volans and Paradisaea). He'll walk right into a cactus like that. Al Haitham yells ahead for him to watch where he's going.
Kaveh reaches up to touch the side of his head in a strange motion, but otherwise there's no acknowledgement. They press on into the dark of night.
Something squelches beneath Al Haitham's boot.
It stops him short, pulls his attention like a magnet and as much as he wants to, he can't ignore it. He doesn't want to lose any more ground. But something won't let him move on. Al Haitham watches as red seeps into the golden sand, spills beyond the border of his bootprint until he slides his foot aside.
It's an ear.
It's a human ear, and there's a heavy earring attached, metallic gold, gems red and green, a familiar shape, a familiar shade-
Al Haitham opens his mouth to yell. Chokes. Swallows the lump in his throat as he quickly restarts his pace. Tries again.
"Hey!"
Another squelch under a hurried footstep. He doesn't stop to look. Al Haitham is pretty sure he knows what it is.
"Kaveh, hey!"
The path becomes littered, little slices and small pieces, fingertips and knuckles, Kaveh's arms once held casually behind his back now strewn along the sands. Every time Al Haitham extends his hand to him, reality warps and bends like the twisted image in a broken mirror, lines mismatched and edges jagged. Kaveh flits just beyond his grasp, fleeting fae, no longer able to hear him or to reach out to him. Al Haitham can only grit his teeth and follow.
His right foot marches forward. His left follows. His right again. His left suddenly doesn't follow, and Al Haitham is thrown off balance and pitches forward, swinging his arms outward to land on his palms and keep his face off the ground, because he's been in the desert enough times to know what a foot suddenly being stuck can mean.
Quicksand.
Al Haitham curses and swears in just about every language he knows as he tries to spread his weight as evenly as possible, stay afloat at the top of it because if he sinks, he knows he'll be done for, and shit, Kaveh.
His neck cranes uncomfortably in his search, Kaveh had only been a few feet in front of him, he can't be sunk much further, and he's in the desert much more often than Al Haitham anyway, he'll be familiar with what to do-
Kaveh stands in front of him, empty sleeves fluttering loose. Still just out of his grasp, still watching the stars. The quicksand is already up to his calves.
"Say, Al Haitham..." It's the first he's spoken this whole time. His voice resonates somewhere deeply nostalgic in Al Haitham's chest, produces a ripple that momentarily stuns his heart.
Kaveh is sinking.
Al Haitham stretches out on his belly as far as he's able, it's quickly up to his knees, Kaveh isn't even trying to redistribute his weight or pull himself out, it's at his thighs, Al Haitham sucks in a breath and yells for him, his hips, yells louder, his waist, Al Haitham's trembling fingertips can almost reach, his chest, Kaveh drops level with him, quicksand about his neck like a noose.
Kaveh's head tips back, back, impossibly far back, until it hangs, angle awkward, and he's looking right past Al Haitham with his tired smile and gouged, blinded sockets full of starlight.
"Do you believe in karma?"
The quicksand swallows him entirely and Al Haitham dives, shoves his arms deep and pushes off with the one foot he'd had left on safe ground, because he can't, he can't, it's not the same without Kaveh, not anymore, he needs him, no one else keeps him sharp, no one else challenges him like Kaveh, if he can just grab him, if he can just pull him back up-
Al Haitham thrashes, against the sands, against gravity, against the hardwood of his bedroom floor. Clumsily scrubs the back of his hand across his face to rub the grit of quicksand and sleep out of his eyes.
Sometimes he thinks he preferred it when the Akasha was still harvesting his dreams.
He pops his head out from under his weighted blanket and lays where he'd fallen out of bed for a moment, blinking blearily against the lamplight shining from his desk in the corner. Deep breaths. His consciousness shifts along the blurred line of nightmare and reality, crosses over the slow transition into wakeful awareness.
He's home, Kaveh is home. It's dark out. The house is dead silent.
He's just going to go check, he tells himself as he peels himself out of his sweat-soaked shirt and roots around for a replacement. He's already losing memories of his nightmare, the details spilling away from him like wet ink, but he knows he needs to see Kaveh. It'll feel better to do something, anything, than try to go straight back to sleep.
He's quiet when he slips out of his bedroom door, because they both keep late hours but their bedrooms are right next to each other, and Al Haitham will never hear the end of it if he wakes his roommate up.
Lights off, door shut. Nothing conclusive. He moves out to the main room.
Kaveh sits on one of those ridiculous sofas he'd ordered three of for some reason, back to him as he tucks a lock of hair behind his ear. A mostly-empty wine bottle stands tall on the table, next to the cobbled-together remains of an architectural model that's been picked and fussed over for four days straight now.
"Kaveh? What are you doing?"
This earns him an exaggerated startle, but Kaveh doesn't turn to look at him, preoccupied with whatever new sketch or blueprint he probably has in his hands. "Ohhh, nothing," he slurs cheerfully. "Just working. Just thinking."
Kaveh has always been the world's chattiest drinker. Al Haitham waits for the rest of it.
"Say, I think...I think I asked you this years ago, back then, but you never answered me." Al Haitham feels all the blood drain from his face in ominous familiarity, drip cold down the length of his spine. Kaveh sinks into the couch until he can tip his head over the back of it, looking up at him with a tired smile and exhausted eyes.
"Do you believe in karma?"
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