#d:isnafhyf

[hungline]

i said never apologize for how you feel

pairing: namgi  genre: heavy angst, light fluff, past lovers au, rated pg13   warnings: homophobia, past major character death  words: 666 

summary: The sun doesn't apologize for being the sun.

The rain doesn't say sorry for falling. 

Feelings just are. 

"You know, maybe if the world was a little different, we could all be happy, hyung."

Yoongi laughs at Namjoon's words, peering up into the taller boy's eyes to check for any redness. "Are you high right now?"

"Nah," Namjoon replies, laughing too when Yoongi rolls his eyes at him while grinning. "Well, maybe. I feel high on life, actually."

Yoongi leans back on the trunk of the tree, watching the wildflowers shift with the summer breeze in the meadow they are hiding in. "High on life? You sure you didn't just sneak one of those 'special' brownies Hoseok-ah always keeps on him?"

Namjoon laughs again, leaning back as well before he reaches out to interlace their fingers together at the base of the tree. "Promise I didn't, hyung. I'm just...really happy. You know? Or maybe you don't. I don't know, it's more like a thought than a feeling, to be honest."

"Well, Mr. Pothead, you want to share that thought with the class?" Yoongi chuckles, holding their hands up so that he can press a kiss to the back of Namjoon's hand.

Namjoon smiles, his gaze on the flowers. "I just, I don't know, hyung. I think the world would be a lot better if people stopped feeling sorry for how they feel sometimes. Not, like the shitty things, the bad things or whatever, but the good things. Like love. Love between two people of the same gender."

Yoongi nods, waiting patiently for Namjoon to continue while his lover keeps watching the meadow surrounding them. Namjoon tilts his head to the side in thought, his brow furrowing as he thinks over his next words before it smooths out again and he is smiling once more.

"The sun doesn't apologize for being the sun. The rain doesn't say sorry for falling," Namjoon murmurs quietly, his soft voice raising goosebumps on Yoongi's arms. "Feelings just are."

"That was lovely, Joonie," Yoongi mutters back, turning to smile at his favorite person in the world. "Who said that?"

Namjoon turns to look at him, smile as soft as his voice. "Iain S. Thomas. Intentional Dissonance."

Yoongi nods, making a note to look up it later on his phone. "So, you think people would be happier if they just came to terms with the way they feel about other people?"

"I don't think it," Namjoon says, still smiling even as he shakes his head. "I know it. I know that there'd be so many happy people in this world if they let themselves love one another freely. If they stopped holding themselves back and stopped judging others who do love freely."

Namjoon doesn't say it, but Yoongi knows what kind of people he's talking about when he says those words and Yoongi swallows down the lump in his throat, willing himself to speak.

The smile that spreads across Yoongi's face feels forced now, the words in his mouth bitter. "Namjoon, I'm sorry."

But Namjoon only shakes his head, smiling kindly at Yoongi. Too kind. "It's okay, hyung. I know what would happen if you outed yourself. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. I just wish the world was a little different is all."

"Me too, Joonie," Yoongi mutters, tears springing to his eyes when the image starts to shift as it always does once his dream reaches this particular point.

When he wakes, it is to his cold bedroom, to the empty reality of his life with no Namjoon in it. With no one to call his own anymore, because Namjoon is gone and all that remains are his memories. All that remains is the dream that makes Yoongi wish he could freeze time and spend the rest of his days with Namjoon right at that moment.

But Namjoon's last days have already passed. He is gone.

Yoongi is alone.

"Me too, Joonie," Yoongi whispers to himself in the darkness of his bedroom, wishing that it was Namjoon who could hold him right now. "Me too..."

#namgi #sugamon #hyunglinenetwork #btswritingcafe #btswriterscollective #kwritersworldnet #kwordsmiths #btsguild #betareadernet #bts #angst #drabble #p:yoongi/namjoon #d:isnafhyf #m: fic