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angel-deux-writes · 4 years

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Now that Honor Compels Me is finally done, I wanted to do a round-up of all the things I remember that made me say “I feel like I need to tell someone what almost happened here” or “I should probably explain this later lol”, along with my reasons for cutting the last few chapters/what would have happened in them. It’s prob going to be very long, which I apologize for, but I’ll bold the headings so that you can skip to the parts you’re interested in!

I’ll reblog it and add more as I think of them, but for now:

Dark Dany: VERY originally, like way back in the OG plotline from 2017, Dany was an antagonist, and Margaery Tyrell was Robb’s queen. Dany would have died fighting Cersei in Kings Landing, with the same result (Cersei was ALWAYS going to go out by wildfire lmao). I changed it both because a) it seemed like too many Conveniently Alive people for one story and b) after the shitty ending Dany got, I decided I would try my hand at writing a Dany I could actually root for! For years I’ve been a big proponent/fan of the idea that Dany is eventually going to be an antagonist in the books, but the way it was handled in the show was so irredeemably stupid (gassing her up and gaslighting/scolding her fans later who didn’t see it coming, making her switch at the drop of a hat for the majority of the general audience just for the sake of a twist, etc). I ended up really loving the version of Dany I created. I tried not to soften her TOO much, which is why I had her wrestle with herself even up to the very end (like thinking “I won” after the explosion in Kings Landing and hating herself for it). I didn’t want all the flaws that make me not support canon Dany to disappear just because I started to like her! I do think that writing this story made me like Dany more overall. I still don’t support her canon actions, and I also probably won’t in the books, but I came to find her more compelling as I wrote her. I’m a lot less afraid to write her now than I have been in the past, though I’ll continue to add warnings to all my stories that feature Dark Dany, bc yall Dany stans have been through enough.

More Death: At various points Dany, Theon, Bran, and Arya were going to die.

Dany was already pointed out.

I had Theon die in the Long Night in the plot outline just out of laziness/in keeping with canon, until I remembered that Redemption = Death is stupid and I wasn’t gonna do it.

Bran was going to die after warging into Drogon and being caught in the explosion of the Red Keep. That actually stayed in until a few weeks ago! I told a bunch of people that Bran was going to die! It was the plan all along! And then I realized that “somebody has to die” was a shitty way of looking at it, and I changed it. I think a lot of this process of changing things was me trying to write what I thought people wanted vs what story I actually wanted to tell. Sure it’s a little fairy tale ending this way, but it’s my story, and who cares? Happy endings are nice. Fuck off.

Arya...I probably wouldn’t have ever actually gone through with it, because I am a coward, but there was an idea of a VERY heavy-handed “revenge is bad” message with Arya where Arya was much more savage and instead of turning back into Arya, she was turning farther and farther away from her. She couldn’t reconcile with the Lannisters, she rejected her bonds with her family. In the end she would be unable to let go of her list, would refuse to grow and change and realize that she had other things to live for, and she would have set off one of Qyburn’s traps in the Red Keep, igniting the whole thing, killing Drogon and Rhaegal (and Bran) and leading to the deaths of thousands. AGAIN I was like “that’s too dark” and scrapped the idea, but it was definitely toyed with. I love Arya as a character, so this plotline for her would have definitely been more a reaction to fans of her who seem to want her to hold on to that vengeful seed inside of her.

Prophecies: Listen, I do not give a fuck about any prophecies. I really don’t. Every fantasy universe has some kind of involved backstory that some fans love to get mired in, but I am not one of those fans. Still, I tried to deliver on two of them lmao.

Azor Ahai ended up being Jaime, with Ice/Oathkeeper and Maiden’s Heart being Lightbringer. Originally, I had Brienne killing the Night King, without any thought to the prophecy at all, but that was another case of “people will like it if Brienne kills the Night King” and I realized that I would like it better if it was Jaime. I’m not sure how it checks out literally, but I figured it worked with a) tempering in water = splitting Ice. b) heart of a lion = Jaime’s change of heart after the Highgarden Battle. c) Nissa Nissa = Brienne’s “maiden’s heart” breaking during the Highgarden Battle. It was Brienne who did the stabbing, but it was Jaime who made it happen, so I figured that made sense. I made sure to mention Brienne’s tears and all the smoke when Jaime was wounded, so he could be “reborn amidst salt and smoke” or whatever, and I had Bran mention a rebirth for him in the next chapter. Which was maybe a little on the nose, but IDK GUYS I FEEL LIKE IT CHECKS OUT!

I know the show never dove into the Valonqar prophecy at all, and I think we all know that I absolutely HATE the idea of Jaime being the Valonqar, so I would rather not think about it AT ALL. But Bran AND Rhaegal were both kind of responsible for Cersei’s death in the end, so take your pick of which Little Brother actually did the deed!

Deleted Chapters: I promise you, you are not missing anything with these deleted chapters. They were always messy, and no matter how many times I edited them, they felt too forced and “now let me explain the ending”.

Sansa: Sansa’s chapter followed Jaime’s and was primarily about her going to Robb and Dany and the three of them talking about the future of Westeros. The Dany/Robb conversation about it was originally absent--the last Robb chapter was added to fill in the gaps when I deleted this and the other chapters--so this would have been the first time it was discussed. It then would have had a time jump and a wedding scene, which I could never make work! It was such a jarring time jump in the middle of a chapter, and I didn’t think the wedding was particularly exciting to write about lmao.

Tyrion: Tyrion’s chapter would have been Dany being crowned and announcing to everyone that she and her people are going to be dismantling the monarchy and setting up a new government. I think I had her give a period of a few years in which she and Robb would rule, but they were going to be transitioning governments in that time. Kind of the same idea as in What a King Should Look Like. Bronn also showed up, DID in fact get a minor holdfast, and was mocked by both Lannisters for bowing out before he could have earned himself a better one. Olenna found some bastard daughter to legitimize and continue her house.

Brienne: Brienne’s arc was a lot more drawn out in the original draft, and I ended up editing it a few times and making it shorter. VERY originally, this chapter would have been her wedding with Jaime, at which she has the “wow he actually loves me, huh?” realization. Which I thought was funny as I plotted it out, but in execution it wasn’t as good as I wanted it to be, so I moved the realization to an earlier chapter. The original was also going to be Jaime giving up his name entirely, and Brienne cloaking him, but as we have discussed before, I am in fact a coward, so I just deleted the whole chapter lmao. In all seriousness, at this point the endings just felt like Return of the King, and Into the West was actually the chosen song for this chapter, because I knew even as I was writing it that I was doing Too Much lmao.

Robb: Robb’s last chapter was essentially just a total wrap up chapter. Just Robb and Dany being sappy, Robb being happy he was still alive, and the two of them planning the future. They were at Riverrun for this part, i’m pretty sure, or it might have been Dragonstone? I had trouble even filling this chapter with enough words for it to be a full chapter, because it was basically just an epilogue. As the story progressed, this chapter felt more and more like I was just performing to the “Robb’s Alive” crowd, which I didn’t particularly want to do, because Robb being alive was always a feature, not the focus, of this story.

That’s all the stuff I can think of for now! If anyone has any particular questions you can message me or inbox me about them and I’d be happy to talk about it!

#angel does nanowrimo #honor compels me #this is maybe Too Much but idk here you go in case anyone wants it!!

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lesbeet · 4 years

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not to be a nerd but i accidentally just wrote a whole impromptu essay about editing ndjsdksksk im throwing it under a cut bc it's fucking inane and really long but honestly... i just want other people to become as passionate about editing as i am lmaooooo

i also recommend 2 books in the post so if anything at least check those out!

quality books about editing... *chef's kiss* a lot of the basic ones (including blog posts online n such) are geared towards beginners and end up repeating the same info/advice, much of it either oversimplified or misrepresented tbh. but i read one yesterday and i'm reading another one right now that really convey this passion for editing + consideration for it as its own sort of art and i just!!

it's such a weird thing to be passionate about lmao but i AM and i've spent a lot of time the past year or so consciously honing my craft (ik i mention this like 4 times a week i'm just really proud of how much i've learned and improved) and kind of like. solidifying my instincts into conscious choices i guess?

and these GOOD editing books have both a) taught me new information and/or presented familiar information through a new perspective that helped me understand something differently or in more depth, and b) validated or even just put into words certain preferences or techniques that i've developed on my own, that i don't normally see on those more basic lists i mentioned

btw the book i finished yesterday is self-editing for fiction writers: how to edit yourself into print by renni brown and dave king, and the one i'm reading currently is the artful edit: on the practice of editing yourself by susan bell.

the former was pretty sharp and straightforward. the authors demonstrated some of their points directly in the text, which was usually funny enough that i would show certain quotes to my sister without context

("Just think about how much power a single obscenity can have if it’s the only one in the whole fucking book." <- (it was)

"Frequent italics have come to signal weak writing. So you should never resort to them unless they are the only practical choice, as with the kind of self-conscious internal dialogue shown above or an occasional emphasis."

or, my favorite: "There are a few stylistic devices that are so “tacky” they should be used very sparingly, if at all. First on the list is emphasis quotes, as in the quotes around the word “tacky” in the preceding sentence. The only time you need to use them is to show you are referring to the word itself, as in the quotes around the word “tacky” in the preceding sentence. Read it again; it all makes sense.")

and like i said, i also learned some new ideas or techniques (or they articulated vague ideas i already had but struggled to put into practice), AND they mentioned some suggestions that ive literally never seen anyone else bring up (not to say no one has! just that ive never seen it, and ive seen a lot in terms of writing tips, advice, best practices, etc) that ive already sort of established in my own writing

for example they went into pretty fine detail about dialogue mechanics, more than i usually see, and in talking about the pacing and proportion of "beats" and dialogue in a given scene, they explicitly suggested that, if a character speaks more than a sentence or two and you plan on giving them some sort of dialogue tag or an action to perform as a beat, the tag or action should be placed at one of the earliest (if not the first) natural pauses in the dialogue, so as not to distance the character too far from the dialogue -- bc otherwise the reader ends up getting all of the dialogue information first, and then has to go back and retroactively insert the character, or what they're doing, or the way they look/sound while they're giving their little speech

and like this was something ive figured out on my own, mostly bc it jarred me out of something i was reading enough times (probably in fic tbh) that i started noticing it, and realized that it's something i do naturally, kind of to anchor the character to the dialogue mechanic to make sure it makes sense with the actual dialogue

so like. ok here's an example i just randomly pulled from the song of achilles (it was available on scribd so i just looked for a spot that worked to illustrate my point djsmsks)

the actual quote is written effectively, but here's a less effective version first:

“Perhaps I would, but I see no reason to kill him. He’s done nothing to me," Achilles answered coolly.

see and even with such a short snippet it's so much smoother and more vivid just by moving the dialogue tag, not adding or cutting a word:

“Perhaps I would, but I see no reason to kill him.” Achilles answered coolly. “He’s done nothing to me.”

the rhythm of it is better, and the beat that the dialogue tag creates functions as a natural dramatic pause before achilles delivers an incredibly poignant line, both within the immediate context of the scene and because we as the readers can recognize it as foreshadowing. plus, it flows smoothly because that beat was inserted where the dialogue already contained a natural pause, just bc that's how people speak. if you read both versions aloud, they both make sense, but the second version (the original used in the novel) accounts for the rhythm of dialogue, the way people tend to process information as they read, AND the greater context of the story, and as a result packs significantly more purpose, information, and effect into the same exact set of words

and THAT, folks, is the kind of editing minutia i can literally sit and hyperfocus on for hours without noticing. anyway it's a good book lmao

the one i'm reading now is a lot more about the cognitive process/es of editing, so there's less concrete and specific advice (so far, anyway) and more discussion about different mental approaches to editing, as well as tips and tools for making a firm distinction between your writer brain and your editor brain, which is something i struggle with

but there have been so many good quotes that ive highlighted! a lot of just like. reminders and things to think about, and also just lovely articulations of things id thought of or come to understand in much more vague ways.

scribd won't let me copy/paste this one bc it's a document copy and not an actual ebook, but this passage is talking about how the simple act of showing a piece of writing to someone else for the very first time can spark a sudden shift in perspective on the work, bc you'll (or at least i) frantically try to re-read it through their eyes and end up noticing a bunch of new errors -

or she talked about the perils of constant re-reading in the middle of writing a draft, which is something i struggle with a LOT, both bc i'm a perfectionist and bc i prefer editing to writing so i sit and edit when i'm procrastinating doing the actual hard work of writing lmao

it's just this side of fake deep tbh but i so rarely see editing discussed like this--as a mixture of art and science, a collaboration between instinct and technique, that really requires "both sides of the brain" to be done well.

and because of the way my own brain works, activities that require such a balanced concentration of creativity and logic really appeal to me. even though ive seen a lot of people (even professional writers) who frame it as the creative art of writing vs the logical discipline of editing. but i think that's such a misleading way of thinking about it, because writing and editing both require creativity and logic -- just different kinds! (not to mention that the line between writing and editing, while mostly clear, can get a little blurry from up close)

but like...all stories have an inner logic to them, even if the writer hasn't explicitly or consciously planned it, and even if the logic is faulty in places in the first couple of drafts. when you're sitting and daydreaming about your story, especially if you're trying to figure out how to bridge the gap between two points or scenes (or, how to write a sequence of events that presents as a logical, inevitable progression of cause and effect), the voice in your head that evaluates an idea and decides to 1) go with it, 2) scrap it, 3) tweak it until it works, or 4) hold onto it in case you want it later? that's your logic! if an idea feels wrong, or like it just doesn't work, it's probably because some part of you is detecting a conflict between some part of the idea and the overall logic of your story. every decision you make as you write is formed by and checked against your own experiential logic, and also by the internal logic of your story, which is far less developed (or at least, one would hope), and therefore more prone to the occasional laspe

but while ive seen a number of articles that discuss the logic of writing, i don't see people gushing as much about the art of editing and it's such a shame

the inner editor is so often characterized as the responsible parent to the writer's carefree child, or a relentless critic of the writer's unselfconscious, unpolished drivel

and it's like... maybe you just hate thinking critically about your work! maybe you view it that way because you're imposing external standards too fiercely onto your writing, and it's sucked the joy out of shaping and sculpting your words until they sing. maybe you prefer to conceive of your writing as divine communication, the process of which must remain unencumbered by lessons learned through experience or the vulnerability of self-reflection, until the buzzkill inner editor shows up with all those "rules" and "conventions" that only matter if you're trying to get published

and like obviously the market doesn't dictate which conventions are worth following, but the majority of widely-agreed-upon writing standards, especially those aimed at beginners, (and most especially those regarding style, as opposed to story structure) have to do with the effectiveness and efficiency of prose, and, in addition to often serving as a shorthand for distinguishing an amateur from a pro, overall help to increase poignancy and clarity, which is crucial no matter the genre or type of writing. and even if you personally believe otherwise, it's better to understand the conventions so you can break them with real purpose.

so editing shouldn't be about trying to shove your pristine artistic masterpiece into a conventional mold, it should be about using the creative instincts of your ear and your logic and experience-based understanding of writing as a craft to hone your words until you've told your story as effectively as possible

thank u for coming to my ted talk ✌️

#long post //#editing #wref #sefa rambles

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breadforhowl · 5 years

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writing papers in college

hey everyone! here’s another college advice post. this one is for writing papers. not everything listed may work for you, but hopefully something helps. my degree involves a lot of research and writing. i haven’t had a final exam or tests in any of my required classes, but i have had to write several ten page papers in place of a final exam. here are the things i have found that help me when writing an essay.

-start early. i’m not kidding. you can write an essay the night before it’s due, but it really is a lot of unnecessary stress. i like to plan out a timeline of all the things i need to do, and i like to hand essays in at least two days early so i don’t feel rushed, especially if the essay is due during finals week when i generally have four other final papers to write.

-thoroughly read the assignment given to you. take note of the requirements like the questions you need to address, formatting, and required length of the paper.

-start brainstorming. if you have a choice in topic, choose something that interests you. writing papers can suck, but it’s a lot worse when you aren’t interested in the topic. (example: in my legal and ethical issues class, our final paper and presentation needed to be about a court case relating to the issues we covered in class. i chose to focus on the united states v. the mask of ka-nefer-nefer for my paper because i am interested in repatriation, stolen art, and ancient egypt)

-bounce your ideas off of your friends in your major. i have two close friends in my year and i am really close with the peer advisor for museum studies. every time i have an idea, i talk to them about it. they come up with some really good suggestions and make sure i address everything i need to.

-do research into the topic. it is completely okay to skim wikipedia to get a general understanding of what you are researching. talk to your librarian bc they are here to help. if your school has an online database, use that as well. take note of all the sources you look at in case your teacher requires a bibliography instead of a works cited. create some form of notes and quotes that you can use for your paper. check with your professor to see if there is a minimum amount of sources you need. some professors even require certain types of sources like at least two print and at least three online.

-draft a thesis. your thesis doesn’t have to be a three-pronged one like you were probably taught in high school. all it needs to do is provide the main idea of your essay. (example: Public memory of the Salem Witch Trials has been affected by historical inaccuracies that influence the tourism industry that further increases the amount of historical inaccuracies; this has led to a negative response from the citizens of Salem in regards to their history and representation.)

-create an outline. some professors require one, and it is really helpful to make one (especially if you use full sentences). it lets you organize your thoughts and easily see if there are areas that you have too much information on or too little. i use the rule “if there is an a, there must be a b. if there is a 1, there must be a 2.” when making your outline, i highly recommend adding your sources in with your paraphrases and quotes. it helps a lot with the actual writing.

-if your professor allows it, check with them at this stage. if you have an outline and sources, they are able to give you a lot of useful feedback. they can tell you if you need to address something more or if you need to refocus. they can also suggest sources to you that can help bring even more information in.

-start your draft! i like to double space my drafts, but that is a complete personal preference. with your draft, it does not matter if your sentence is worded so beautifully that it would make F. Scott Fitzgerald cry. get your thoughts on the paper. write as informal as you need to. i have literally put “the British Museum is a bitch because they will not repatriate any of the artifacts that they fucking stole like the parthenon marbles and the rosetta stone.” just get something down on the paper. if you don’t know how to word a sentence but need it in your essay, put the general idea you have in brackets or colored text [like this]. then keep writing.

-edit, edit, edit. i do several rounds of editing. the first round i do is by myself. i fix the grammar and change any wording. i make sure to check parallelism and to look for contractions and overusage of words. second round i generally get my mom to check grammar and word usage because she has a masters in english. third round i show to two friends, one in my major and one outside of my major to see if it makes sense and if i am explaining things well enough. the last thing i do is use the speak feature in the review section of Microsoft Word to listen to the essay. it becomes super obvious if i have made a type or a grammar mistake. if you don’t have word, copy and paste parts of your essay into google translate and read it.

-hand it in! some of my professors like physical copies and some prefer it to be submitted through email or the website my school uses. enjoy the sweet sweet relief and all your extra free time.

#studyblr #studyspo #college #college tips #how to #essays

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arcanelaurels · 6 years

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Can you write something whete Taako does something that makes Madame Director really miss their sibling relationship during the stolen Century...but she has to be the boss now (sorry for the specificity 😅)

Listen,,, I read this ask and was literally like “Is this person reading my goddamn mind right now??” Because I’ve literally had almost a full fic for this exact concept hanging in my drafts for a week now but I haven’t had a chance to edit and post it until you blessed me with this request so thank you.

Please don’t ever apologize for requesting Taako and Lucretia dynamic bc I love that shit and could write a five page paper on why it should’ve been more of a thing in the actual podcast

(also it just occurred to me that this may not be as lighthearted as you might’ve been hoping for but feel free to request a more lighthearted one if you want)

“Taako, are you well?”

“Yeah, I’m fine! You’re not my mom!”

Lucretia bit her tongue to prevent from outwardly reacting to that. It was uncanny how often these boys would react to things the way they used to when the whole crew was together, despite their memory loss. The first few times it had happened - back when they’d first joined the Bureau - she would have moments of panic and wondered if they actually remembered some things, if there were things she’d forgotten to remove.

They didn’t, though. The voidfish did its job well. Still, Taako’s words threw her off a bit. It wasn’t the first time he’d ever said that to her, but she knew he wouldn’t remember the actual first time.

Cycle 4 was the first time Lup died. The world they’d landed in was in a post-apocalyptic sort of state, and was largely unpopulated, save for a few survivors. A couple months in, the crew had decided that the location they’d landed in wasn’t ideal, and moved the Starblaster. When they landed again, Taako and Lup had been sent out on a scouting mission to further detail what surrounded them. The two had unknowingly wandered into a rogue’s territory, and he got the drop on them, stabbing Lup in the heart. Taako had immediately rounded on him and killed him, but the damage was done. Lup was dead before the rogue hit the ground.

Everyone knew by then, of course, that death wasn’t permanent. Not for them. Still, in the early days it was hard to deal with it when someone died. And Lup’s absence was felt more than anyone had previously anticipated.

Back then, four years had seemed like a lot of time to the crew that had yet to know just how much time they were going to spend together. By that point, everyone had thought they knew pretty much all there was to know about each other. What no one knew, though, was how different Taako would be without Lup.

For weeks, he was sullen and stuck to his cabin. Everyone understood. Well, they tried to. No one really knew how to understand the bond that existed between the twins. But they understood that he needed time to come to terms with Lup’s absence, even if it was only temporary.

After about a month, Taako started reappearing, and on most days he seemed almost back to normal. But there was a definite lack of energy from him without Lup to bring him out of his shell. And there was the occasional day where he would retreat into his cabin and refuse to eat or talk to anyone.

On one such day a few months after Lup’s death, it was just Lucretia and Taako on the Starblaster. Everyone else had gone off on separate missions, and the two had been left to stay with the ship, just in case.

Taking a breath to brace herself, Lucretia balanced the tray she was holding in one hand and used the other to knock on Taako’s door. “Taako?”

No response. She let herself in. Taako was lying on his bed, facing the wall that it was up against. He didn’t turn around to acknowledge her as she walked in, but she could tell he was awake.

She hesitated for a moment before speaking. “I...brought you some soup.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You haven’t eaten since yesterday.”

No response. Lucretia frowned and placed the tray on the end table near his bed. She gingerly sat on the edge of his bed, turning her head a bit so she could see him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine! You’re not my mom!” He sounded annoyed.

“I-I wasn’t-” Lucretia sighed, turning so her back was to him. She folded her hands in her lap and stared at them, trying to figure out how to word what she wanted to say. She was much worse with her words out loud as opposed to in writing. Maybe she should’ve written something out beforehand. No, it probably would’ve seemed less genuine.

She took a breath. “Taako-”

“Save it.”

Surprised at the interruption, Lucretia turned to face him. He was still facing the wall. “Sorry?” She asked.

“I’ve heard the speech a hundred times from everyone else,” He said. After a beat, he twisted around a bit so he could look at her. “I know Lup’s coming back after this cycle, okay? It doesn’t make it any easier.”

Lucretia frowned. “That wasn’t what I was going to say.”

Taako stared at her for a moment before turning back to face the wall. She turned her back to him again.

“I-I was just going to say...” She trailed off, trying to figure out her wording. “I know that none of us can really understand what you’re going through. I’ve never had siblings, myself, but my moms...” She trailed off again. “When we left our homeworld and I left them behind and that...that thing that’s following us attacked, I actually, uh, cried myself to sleep every night for months.”

She heard Taako move - maybe to turn and look at her again - but she didn’t turn around to face him. It was easier to talk when she didn’t have to see other people react.

She continued. “But I, uh, now I think of you - and Magnus, and Lup, and everyone else of course - I think of all of you as my family, now. And that...that makes it just a bit easier for me when I wonder what happened to my parents. What happened to everything that thing consumes. And I-I know that none of us could ever replace Lup for you, but-”

Her words were cut off when Taako unexpectedly threw his arm around her from behind, his head buried in her shoulder. She felt her eyes tear up reflexively, and blinked rapidly in order to quell them. Taako was only a casually physical person; he would prop an elbow on others’ shoulders while standing or even lay across people’s laps when he was bored. But when it came to emotional touching, he preferred to avoid it, so Lucretia knew that this hug wasn’t a small gesture for him.

“I’m sorry,” He murmured into her shoulder, so quiet she almost didn’t hear it.

She swallowed, praying that her voice wouldn’t break when she spoke. “For what?”

He let go of her and she turned to face him as he leaned back against the wall, sitting up now. He crossed his arms and looked away, his ears flattening as if he were embarrassed that he’d just hugged her.

“I’ve never thought of that,” He said. “Of how you - all of you - everyone else had family that was left behind when we had to escape. Family you couldn’t save.”

Lucretia was conscious of how odd it was to hear him speak without his usual added-in phrases. Taako took a breath. “For most of my life, Lup was all I ever had for family, but at least we managed to stay together. I can’t imagine if I’d had to leave her behind.”

Lucretia recalled how the twins had fought to both go on the Starblaster. The IPRE had originally only allowed for six crew members, but when only one of the twins was accepted (the rest of the crew never knew which one), they both fought tooth and nail, arguing that the ship needed two Arcanists/Chefs until the Institute relented.

They were both silent for a while, neither knowing what to say. After a few moments, Taako reached over and picked up the tray that Lucretia had set down on his bedside table. He took a spoonful of it and put it in his mouth, then promptly spat it back out.

“What the hell is in this? It’s awful!” He said, laughing.

Lucretia felt her face burn. “I-I’m not really a cook. I just threw some stuff in the pot.”

Taako made a face and gingerly put the tray back on the table. “Well, we need to fix that immediately, homie.” He pushed past her and stood up. “I know Magnus can make a decent pot roast, but if none of the rest of you chuckleheads can cook and Lup and I both beef it next cycle, you’re all up shit creek.”

Lucretia couldn’t help but chuckle as she stood up to follow him out of the room.

He turned his head slightly as he walked. “And you better bring a fresh journal, ‘cuz I know you love to take notes and apparently I have a lot to teach you.”

After that, Taako was more or less back to normal for the rest of the cycle, though he was still a bit distant. After it ended and Lup was rethreaded back onto the ship, the first thing Taako did was tackle her with a hug while everyone else moved closer to welcome Lup back.

“Aw, what? Did you miss me or somethin’?” Lup asked her brother.

“Pfft, no,” Taako rolled his eyes, letting go of Lup and moving to prop an elbow up on Lucretia’s shoulder. “In fact, I replaced you,” He said.

Looking back, Lucretia realized that she should’ve known how much losing Lup would change Taako. She wished she could redo it somehow, but she knew that wasn’t possible. What’s done is done.

She pulled herself out of her thoughts and back to the present, to the mission she was about to send these three on. Merle was saying something about how she always referred to them as “boys" and they were complaining about all of the training she’d been putting them through.

Lucretia struggled to find her words. “I, I know and I’m… I’m sorry for leaning on you as hard as I have been lately, I just...” She sighed. “I know what’s waiting for you on your next mission and I just want you to be at peak performance.”

She continued on, confessing the truth about what had happened to her in Wonderland and sending them on their way. For a moment, when she’d taken down the illusion on her portrait for them, she was afraid that seeing her younger self would somehow jog their memories. But it didn’t. Of course it didn’t. You can’t jog memories that aren’t there anymore.

She sighed and put her head in her hands after they left. If they came back - no, when they came back, she corrected herself, as if changing the wording of her thoughts would make it more probable. When they came back, she owed them an explanation. They deserved to know the truth, and they were going to find out eventually. It couldn’t stay hidden for much longer.

She looked back on the memories that she had, bonding with each of them on the Starblaster. She knew it would never be the same after they found out what she’d done. Taako would never forgive her, especially after he realized that Lup was...

Lucretia was going to have to live with it. After all, how could she expect Taako to forgive her when she knew she could never forgive herself?

#taz balance #the adventure zone #taako #taz lucretia #taz stolen century #laurelscribbles #fairylightsinautumn

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