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nicoise · 22 hours

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a kiss to prove you dont have feelings for them !!!!!!!

In an unexpected turn of events, Blaine was manning the kissing booth.

It was possible he’d lost a bet. But he sat behind the counter looking completely at ease among the chapstick tubes and the breathmints and the stupid little privacy curtain. A tacky pink sign decorated with glitter hearts read, PUCKER UP TO SUPPORT MUSIC NITE. It was a dollar for a cheek kiss, five for a “friendly peck,” and ten for “ten seconds in heaven.”

Blaine was an equal opportunity kisser and the booth was quickly becoming a main attraction of the club fair. Kurt found it inexplicably embarrassing, like finding out an indie artist you kept to yourself had gone mainstream.

“It’s really weird that you’re not lining up with the rest of them,” said Santana. “I thought you’d be salivating at the chance to plant one on his doe-eyed oblivious face.”

Kurt bristled. “You make me sound like such a pervert.”

“Well, aren’t you? I bet you couldn’t follow the rules if you were paid to.” At Kurt’s pointed look she said, “What, you think admin would let this happen unchecked? There’s no touching, no tongue, and no going past ten seconds. They have a timer and everything. Literal buzzkill.”

“That’s not what I meant. I can be normal about kissing Blaine,” Kurt said, offended. “I am so normal about kissing Blaine. I just - don’t want to.”

Santana looked unconvinced. “Because you’re incapable of being normal about it.”

“No. Because - because…” Kurt had the feeling that everything he said was playing into Santana’s hands. Santana was about to say something smug but he cut her off. “Shut it. Give me ten dollars and if you’re right I’ll pay you back twenty.”

“Thirty.”

“Twenty five.”

Santana pouted. “Fine.” She fished out a ten dollar bill from an implausible pocket in her skintight dress and did the annoying thing where she held it out to Kurt but hung onto it until Kurt snatched it from her. “Stay safe,” she yelled obnoxiously after him.

So Kurt found himself lining up behind a guy from his music theory class and a group of girls he recognized from Blaine’s social circle. He told himself he could always step out of line and make off with the money but he knew he wouldn’t.

Actually, Kurt let himself be so easily convinced because he felt that one kiss, surrounded by people he knew in passing and constricted by the bureaucracy of a fundraiser, would cure him of romantic delusions. Kurt had too much experience with unrequited love to make the same mistake again, and for all Blaine smiled at him and opened doors for him he was like that with everyone. So it wasn’t a crush. Just an illusion Kurt meant to break.

Kurt was almost at the front of the line when Blaine saw him and gave him a quick blinding smile. Then Blaine turned to take the ten dollar bill from the music theory guy. Was it the same smile he’d given Kurt? There was no time to wonder. Kurt watched as Blaine said something that made the guy give a flustered little nod and then Blaine kissed him. It looked slightly awkward, over the counter, otherwise not touching. Then it was over. Nod, smile, parting wave, not even a trace of a blush on Blaine’s face.

Kurt had signed up to be given the same charity kiss, the same nod, smile, wave. He stepped up to the counter.

“Kurt, hey! Are you here to support the music festival or did you come to see me?” Blaine grinned shamelessly.

It was a joke. He was joking. Kurt retorted, “Are you here to support the music festival or did you lose a bet?”

“Well, Sam was originally supposed to do it, but he has mono, so…” Blaine shrugged, slipping back on script. He gestured at the pink sign. “You have the choice of - “

Kurt slid the ten dollar bill across the counter. There was nothing he felt he could say.

Blaine glanced at it, then at him. There was something oddly heavy in his gaze before it smoothed into what Kurt could only call customer service. He went over the rules while Kurt thought of Sam, and Finn, and the music theory guy, and how there were no stakes in this, no destination.

“Do you want a breathmint?”

Kurt shook his head.

“Okay. Are you ready?”

Kurt was lost for words. What was this, a flu shot?

Blaine caught Kurt’s look of disdain and genuine humor slipped through the protocol. There he was, amused, beautiful. He leaned in, inches away from Kurt’s face. “I’m going to kiss you now,” he whispered.

Kurt stood paralyzed, trying desperately not to let on that his heart was in his throat, waiting, unwilling to want. Then they were kissing.

It was the most anxiety Kurt had ever felt kissing someone. Usually it was easy. It was something to do well, to make good. This wasn’t like that at all.

Blaine’s lips were soft from chapstick. He kissed closemouthed, but so tenderly it felt inappropriate, and he trembled in a way that couldn’t be construed as casual. Kurt couldn’t help himself and broke the hands-off rule to put his hands on Blaine’s shoulders, and Blaine relaxed into the kiss so sweetly with just that one touch it made Kurt’s head spin.

There was no way it was like this for anyone else. The crush, or whatever, that Kurt didn’t want to feel, or only felt occasionally, became undeniable like this, breath caught painfully between them, a sweetness so sharp it stung.

The timer went off. Ten seconds. Kurt let go of Blaine and stepped back, feeling like all the blood in his hands had rushed to his face. He was aware of every point of contact on his skin, the way his clothes rested on him, and wanted so badly to touch Blaine on the other side of the counter that it felt like he’d develop telekinesis willing it to happen.

Through the white noise of the catcalls, Kurt managed to say, “That wasn’t a charity kiss.”

“No,” Blaine admitted. “It wasn’t.” He was dazed and flushed down his neck. Probably everyone was staring. “You should take your money back. I don’t want it.”

“It’s Santana’s money.” Kurt knew he was being awful but clung to it as a way out. “She convinced me - ” He couldn’t say it.

“Don’t try to tell me that meant nothing,” Blaine said, but he said it uncertainly, like he was asking.

It was terrifying, what that did to Kurt. He opened his mouth to say those exact words, “it meant nothing,” but his gaze caught on how Blaine was running his tongue over his lips like he wanted another taste. A gut-punch of longing stole his breath. Kurt leaned in, heart pounding, feeling half crazed, and said in Blaine’s ear, “If I told you to abandon your post right now, would you do it?”

Blaine was nodding before Kurt was even done talking. He flipped the sign to CLOSED, pulled Kurt around to his side of the counter, and slid the privacy curtain shut in front.

Kurt saw what he meant to do. “You’re crazy,” he said, laughing, helpless, but let Blaine take him by the hand as they made a run for it through the back of the booth.

Then they were outside. It was a blazing sun-soaked afternoon and Blaine let Kurt push him against the wall in the middle of the hall and kiss him and kiss him until they ran out of breath, and if there was a destination Kurt felt with stunning certainty they had arrived.

still taking prompts if anyone wants to send me any !!

#klaine #klaine fanfiction #thank u for the prompt this was so fun to write !!!!

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confirmeddead · 23 hours

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Hello!

I very much enjoyed reading your theories about Devil’s Minion so if you don’t mind I’ll add some thoughts? Would love to hear what you think! I’ve found some hints online - so there might be spoilers so feel free to skip obviously if you’d prefer!

1. I agree that if Daniel is turned it’s going to be Armand who does it. Nothing else really makes sense to me, especially since the show has emphasized the maker-fledgling bound to such an extent. Armand’s possessive tendencies have also revealed themselves already. If Armand wants Daniel to be turned, I don’t think he would feel comfortable having anyone else do it.

2. I don’t believe Daniel will be turned this season. Listening to EB on a podcast recently he made a comment, following explaining how wanting to play a vampire basically lead him to the show, about how on these shows almost everyone who is around vampires gets turned in the end. Which is true, but more importantly this kind of speculation and the way EB spoke about it made it sound like this hasn’t happened to Daniel yet. That he doesn’t actually know if and when Daniel is getting turned.

3. I do think however that Daniel might be bitten. Can’t really justify it, but I feel like something will happen to Daniel in the finale. Might be bitten by a vampire, maybe by Armand - maybe this triggers some more memories. Thus far Daniel’s memories have been triggered by similar noises/actions. In episode two when Louis started recounting the facts of a “shameful” memory this triggers Armand doing the same in San Francisco. In episode four Armand leaning forward and the noises of Louis slamming the binders of photos on the floor seem to heighten his memory of Armand walking around in that room/leaning towards him etc. I’ve seen some speculation about a medical event happening, but I’m unsure. I just feel something will happen…

4. When asked in an interview with the Nerdist EB replied when asked if viewers will see anything of Daniel and Armand’s complex relationship this season: ”We’re going to have to leave that to your imagination because there is a lot coming. But I guarantee there will be some cool stuff happening by the end of the second season”. And: “But, it’s also going to be heavy. There’s going to be a lot of heaviness.” This could just be the trauma and torture of episode five but I would say it seems to hint that something will happen in the season finale between them - or something will be revealed. The romantic in me think it’s revealed that they were in love, that some of Daniel’s memories of Armand has been mixed up with Alice and that the feeling freer in Paris thing might be about Daniel’s internalized homophobia. He felt freer in Paris because either it was long away from home (so no one would know him) or because Paris was less homophobic (not sure if accurate though). And Armand might have had someone who saw him at his worst but still loved him, i.e someone who loved and accepted him fully. The heaviness could then be the separation, be it due to Daniel’s addiction, want to be immortal, Armand believing him to be better off living a full life - or something completely different. All of this does however sound a little to wholesome in a way for iwtv tbh. So to adjust expectations, the comments could very well just be about Daniel’s trauma in episode five.

What do you think? Also, if you would speculate where do you think the show is going next with the DM relationship? What would you like to see? Thank you!

Hi! Thanks so much for sending your thoughts. Let’s discuss!

1. Yes! I think the majority know this will stay the same. They haven’t changed anyone’s maker as of yet so why start now?

2. No, he won’t be turned. I’ll reference Rolin’s words from last week when answering a question at the Texas panel. It seems a lot of stuff is up in the air regarding DM and he exasperated the point that it’s three books ahead. So, in saying this, we know he wants to do TVL for season 3 meaning QotD would be season 4 (possibly). Of course they could change things but I think he wanted to really drive home the point that they have a lot to do to get to the point of Daniel being turned.

3. Going back to one of my theories, I do think Daniel’s SF memories will be a big trigger for Louis. Learning the extent of what happened might really upset him (whether it was his attack on Daniel or what Armand proceeded to do). As for the sounds triggering memories, this is a great point! And it seemed every glance at Armand triggered Daniel’s memories.

So about the medical event… I’ve seen people theorize Louis will attack Daniel. I genuinely don’t think this will happen but if Daniel were to be hurt (book falling scene in trailers), I could see either Vampire rushing to his aid. I’d say only Armand would but I think Louis cares for him enough to help him.

4. Okay, so when I hear heaviness I hear trauma, I hear broken hearts, I hear a LOT. I think a lot of Daniel’s trauma will be addressed next episode or even episode 6, so what is left for the final two episodes? Revelations. The interview is ending, Armand and Louis’ relationship is probably ending, but the rest is kind of… unknown. The trial is happening episode 7 and the secrecy of the title of episode 8 and what even happens has my brain scrambled. The “surprise character” Rolin (?) mentioned appears at the end of the season is likely Lestat or someone else entirely.

So what’s left regarding Armand and Daniel? I think a lot of people want to see Armand as controlling and straight up evil, but in the books HE left Louis. He left Louis because his (Louis) passion for anything was gone and Armand knew there was nothing he could do to fix that and it was dead in the water. Who is there to turn to? The flame whose memories you erased? I could see Daniel comforting him and so begins the chase (again).

Of course that last part is just a theory but I think this is the “end of the season” event that might happen. Daniel is a different person now. The internalized homophobia of his youth is gone. He’s an old man with all the triggers that come with it. He’s twice divorced and an empty nester. What’s there to lose? I always go back to the first scene of Daniel and how bored and over it he was with his life.

#iwtv #interview with the vampire #daniel molloy #the vampire armand #armand #devil’s minion #IWTV theory

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itstimetojellyfish · 4 hours

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Haven’t I given enough? ( Yes , now rest) ( Dan Heng x reader)

It sucks , how you always run around , and help people . And once you’ve done the work, they think that have the right to push you around to becoming their personal servant . An

That was only Belabog , the Lufou was worse .

Well, not for you . Dan Heng had it way worse than you . He was forced to get off the train to help his friends only to be attacked and unwillingly revealed his past .

Also the astral express plus the dozing general fought Phantilya ! That’s a very hard task to complete!

Mean while you just ran around helping people , enduring their insults , and getting tired , that was nothing compared to them !

Geez… how useless are you?…..

However , as time flies by , the memories you buried at the back of your head , came back . The memories of flesh and blood being torn from you just to save other people .

The memories of what used to be friends turned into betrayal . What used to be just a potion , was a curio that was destined to burn scars into your flesh . Now , you can’t view anything the same as before . Everything had a dark side and now you’re wary of everyone .

March coming into your room unannounced? Sword to her throat .

Caelus being loud? An outburst for him to be quiet .

Welt attempting to soothe your nerves? A suspicious move that may be trying to lead you to your death .

Himeko brewing coffee for you? A poison that’s trying to end your life .

Just how stupid are you? You try to calm your nerves, saying that their friends , but the mind can forget , the body and subconscious can’t however . Soon your in the archives sulking in a corner despising yourself for how utterly rude you’re being with Dan Heng warily looking at you from his spot .

(He’s the only one you haven’t lashed out on yet)

You don’t blame him for being suspicious of you . You refuse to show any skin , any past , or anything about you now . You snap at people and almost insult them .

( You wish you weren’t alive so you wouldn’t hurt people like this)

You pick at your fingers as you feel his stare boring into your soul and hear his thoughts about how disgusting you are. It’s honestly deserved .

Soon , you move to another corner where he can’t see you and start to cry silently. You hate yourself for being so rude .

( But haven’t you given enough?)

( You’ve went around helping people while they insult you . You blindly trusted your friends only for them to betray you and leave you as they escaped . You swallowed a so called medicine when in reality it was a curio that almost killed you and made you experience excruciating pain for months)

( So tell me , haven’t you given enough?)

You thought that was just a voice in your head but in reality, Dan Heng was right next to you crouching down and holding your head , gently wiping away your tears.

“ Wait what?…” You stare at him in shock as you try to come up with a reasonable response why he knows all of this .

He looks at you for a few seconds and then gathers you into his arms while revealing his true form to you . A cool , teal tail gently wrapped around your waist and rubbed against you .

“ I did some researching , there was a legend about a person , who faced great obstacles. Both mentally and physically. Friends betraying them , flesh being torn out of their own will to save others .

There’s a lot . There’s even one where a potion was supposed to help them but it was actually a curio . Basically they were used as a meat shield and testing subject “ He caresses your cheek .

“ If my theory is correct , based off the reactions you give and the reactions in the legend . Is it safe to assume you’re the person who is mentioned in the story?”

You freeze , then all the memories come rushing back , the faces that were so blurry became refined in detail .

But with memory of friends , comes the memory of pain.

You break down sobbing as you remember everything single thing that happened to you . You’d expect Dan Heng to stay still but he doesn’t .He coddles you and keeps you warm , gently draping a blanket over you .

“ So I was right….” He murmurs to himself .

You start to tire as your exhaustion hits you like a truck . Dan Heng notices this and just rocks you to sleep as you drift off .

You struggle to stay awake but he just continues to coddle you and just says . “ Rest, you’ve given enough “

Once the reassurance is given that he wouldn’t hold it against you for sleeping , you close your eyes and fall asleep .

Soon , neon blue eyes are glowing and a dark promise is given .

“ I won’t let you suffer again .”

————————————————————————

Thanks for reading! Have great day!

#dan heng x you #dan heng x reader #dan heng hsr #dan heng imbibitor lunae #imbibitor lunae #dan heng il #Reader is self deprecating #Dan Heng is trying to figure them out #honkai star rail #Reader is a character in a legend #Reader has no memory of past until now #Mildly Yandere

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tls123 · 2 years

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i know wei wuxian is first pick as god/personification of death etc. etc. (duh, perfect choice, so sexy) but i would like to propose jiang cheng for the part. in the same way elizabeth swann is death from that one post about her kisses damning the men she loves

in the way everything he touches and everything he loves seems to be doomed (sect, parents, sister, brother)

wei wuxian as life!!! as god of life!!! coming back, unkillable. life giving (core transfer, wen ning, etc.)*

jin ling doesn't die because at the end of the story, at the guanyin temple, wei wuxian is there too. to protect him the same way he protected jiang cheng

and this is why he (wei wuxian) has to go back to being yunmeng jiang's head disciple, in this essay i will—

*i'm not saying he lives well, but he lives! he fucking claws and crawls and fights his way out of the burial mounds, he just doesn't fucking quit** you know what i mean

**until he does, but that's a choice he makes.

#now i know the problem here is that wei wuxian loves and wants to protect the same things that jiang cheng does #and so why aren't /they/ safe? and i'm here to say: idk #this is not a complete theory. this is nothing at all actually #maybe because he's young and scared and sad and traumatized #or maybe it's because he thinks he doesn't deserve the love of these people idk #take jiang yanli's death for example. idk idk like i said i'm.. i'm just shooting shit out of my mouth #even that aside it doesn't work ALSO because jiang cheng saves and raises his dead sect back from its ashes. he Very Much(tm) does that.#edit: adding this in bc i had this in my drafts for literally two weeks now i wrote it in a rush after going to bed #i was half asleep already when the thought came to me so i just typed this out in a rush before going back to sleep and like idk what #to add to it. idk how to polish it. it's nothing!! but i can't delete it. i tried i just can't it's like an itch i can't scratch #i have to set it out into the world. don't @ me i know i've made better posts #untamed.txt #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #yunmeng shuangjie #fra.txt

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shannonallaround · 2 months

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After pondering on it for several days, I have officially decided I did not like the direction of KFP4 and have banished it from my brain. It is no longer canon. KFP4? What's that? Don't know what you're talking about.

#spoilers ahead #it wasn't all bad #I really truly loved the scenes with Li and Mr Ping they were wonderfully hilarious #and the music was great #BUT #I just did not like the direction they took Po's story at all.#and I'm kinda furious they subtly undermined Shifu's character #by making him “fine”/“not fine” with Oogway picking Po as his successor instead of him.#it was only a thing for 2 seconds for the sake of humor but it completely undermines his inner peace character development #first off why can there only be one successor #and second off why can't Po take primarily the fighting side and Shifu take the spiritual side #It FITS HIM #don't know if most people would notice that shifu's character was undermined but because he's one of my favorites I sure did and it HURT #also um the furious five WHY didn't we have them be the main characters with Po instead of the fox chick no one cares about #literally their interactions with Po that's WHY WE'RE HERE DREAMWORKS #also it's become really obvious to me that the fox girl was literally written just so they could cast a specific voice actress in a big rol #nothing against that actress I love her in other stuff but that was a bad move Dreamworks #and another thing #the movie's message about change not always being bad is perfectly fine and good in theory #but such character change is only satisfying from a storytelling perspective if the audience actually WANTS the character to change!!!#I don't WANT Po to stop being the dragon warrior! I don't WANT him to pick a successor! That wasn't satisfying!! like whyyyyyyyyy #Plus he's like way too young?? to be worrying about this??? Oogway didn't worry about it until he was literally 900 years old #Shifu is what in his 60s? 80s? and he hasn't picked one #why would they make shifu worry about po doing that any time soon literally at all #so there dreamworks #I banish this movie #I banish it for one thousand years #kfp4 #kung fu panda 4 #po kung fu panda

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rotisseries · 1 year

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it's a little funny when some of you say you're gonna leave the fandom if it takes too long to get new content because you can't just keep talking about the same thing forever, and I'm not judging, I don't completely blame you, my fixation on byler is burning out and I'll probably be lost to you all forever once I have the new zelda game in my hands, but it DOES make me wonder what you guys plan on doing when season 5 is over

#also like. you don’t have to talk about the same things forever actually #that's actually why aus are a thing. but. well. no I'm not gonna say nothing #ok but fandoms cannot survive if you guys constantly need new content. just saying #stranger things #byler #also um. there's nothing wrong with theory and analysis but the fact that so much of the byler fandom seems to be so focused on it #MIGHT contribute to feeling like we're talking about the same things over and over #because if you're not one of the people theorizing to special levels of crazy #(not naming names but some of you. pushing believability. you are saying completely new shit though. so congrats)#then all that's left is reiterating the same points that we already know and have talked over #which if you've been here since may-july it's all VERY old news and you're probably tired of it

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arimiadev · 9 months

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if they were a venn diagram they'd almost be a perfect circle

#if you're the type that when someone mentions a cartoon series you go “oh did you hear about this dark theory”-- sorry we can't be friends #I've met several of those kinds of people and they're all BORING #if someone brings up smth & your 1st input is to go “yeah but what about this theory that's based off nothing that's completely different”#you need to watch different stuff #but I've also found that these are the types who just don't think deeply about other types of media #because these aren't theories they crafted #these are all simply videos they watched and have regurgitated #the people who talk only about “edgy lore” are the type who do not consume actual media criticism nor engage in it #if you didn't see symbolism in stuff until it was explained to you thats fine! but the important part is to be engaged enough to seek it ou

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starrycat123-blog · 5 months

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oksies hi starting a new thread of get to know you

haii I'm moth and also thea you may call me any nickname as well <3

I love musicals so so much (niche and popular!! basic-shaming is lame)

I am superhero obsessed (augh pied piper)

doctor who is my autism (yay river sonf!!!!)

good omens heoughhhhhhhh

super excited to meet you <3333333

Hi moth!! You can call me tetra. Don't worry that's not my real name or anything tho. I took it from the concept of tetrachords in music.

If we're generous about what we call superheroes, then maybe most of the things I like are superhero based. I mean obviously there's marvel and dc, but then there's stuff like dpxdc, sonic the hedgehog (idk if I've ever heard him called a superhero but he kinda is), if we count magical girls then like. Sailor moon and madoka magica

I haven't seen any episodes of good omens, but I read a really good fanfic of Crowley going to therapy a while back, and a couple funny ones with like yelp reviews of Aziraphale's bookstore. Plus I love the good omens analysis posts on here. I feel like maybe I half know some of what's happened in the show but also probably haven't scratched the surface. I'm kinda bad at watching TV shows, so there's a lot of stuff that I know from fandom but haven't seen. For another example of that, I've only watched one or two episodes of Sonic Prime. I reblog posts for it and it sounds good but idk. Just bad at it.

I'm a much more casual fan of musicals, I think for the same thing as above where I just struggle to sit and watch something on purpose. But I listen to the music from them sometimes, I've read transcripts online of a couple, and i swoon whenever I see a post analyzing the meaning of a musical song, especially when they go beyond lyrics and start going into the music theory in the tune. I don't have the skills or knowledge to do that myself but I love it so much

(when the singer changes their technique to enhance the meaning,, when this or that chord is a step outside the key to symbolize change or isolation or anything,,, using instruments as symbols for this or that character,,, tbh it doesn't have to be a musical even shout out to that youtube video by Scruffy on how fnaf's audio and sound effects make it scarier)

Lately I've been bouncing back and forth between Sonic and DPxDC. With hints of Slay The Princess in there bc I saw part of a playthrough of that awhile ago and loved the concept. I reblog madoka magica stuff whenever I see it (except magia record bc I know next to nothing about it) because that stuff makes me lose my mind. The love the pain the hope the despair!! Homura is probably like my ultimate blorbo but I love all the five girls they're so cool. I actually read the manga instead of watching the show though so I'm not as familiar with all the music. Plus I think the show had some extra scenes. Although it's a little confusing bc I think some of the extra scenes I see are magia record so idk.

Also I'm a fan of arts and crafts and will reblog that kind of thing once in a while, along with cute cat stuff.

Super excited to meet you too!

#sorry about the late response. got nervous and then put it off for awhile #hopefully it's a good one though?#it's unedited bc if i think stop and think harder/worry more now i'll never escape the think stage and i will post nothing #and i don't wanna do that #if there's anything you wanna know just ask #actually maybe i should think of some questions for you #oh like who's pied piper? i haven't heard of a superhero with that name just the child-stealing legend #unless you consider that guy a hero which like. i guess you could interpret it like that? teaching the value of not exploiting your workers #and i've read at least one story based on the legend where he takes the children somewhere nice #i feel like stealing children is not the ideal solution to that issue but it is a bit iconic if you think about it right #maybe he couldve taken some crops instead tho like thats the village income. it'd be more similar to money than kids.#i mean i guess in those days kids were also workers. and somewhat exploited generally.#so i guess i could see it as the guy getting exploited and then grabbing all the other exploited workers in town #i'm not really a history buff am i off base with this theory completely #i know kids used to have to work to help their families and that there are child labor laws for a reason #but also. not like there was a ton of free entertainment in the olden times.#i mean the parents almost definitely didnt pay kids money but chores aren't exploitation #maybe i should leave this up to interpretation #or just say it depends on situation and some kids probably were exploited while others weren't #hmm. this whole thing is probably just bs. i don't know what i'm talking about #oh well i hope you didn't mind it

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blodeuweddschild · 5 months

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Autism moment I wanted to go upstairs and be in bed by 11 but I’ve only just realised it’s 1 in the morning after after getting so absorbed in my work but hey I finished part of it

#posterzine is essentially done!#now I just need to create a font and fill out a 40 page progress book #don’t you just hate graphic design?#genuinely tho I got into and am still kinda in a bad place mentally #and I didn’t work on this project for ages #but I’ve managed to get so much done in like 5 days. the deadline is this Friday and I’m actually optimistic lmao #I have. issues with it. and some things I’m not able to do with my posterzine and I wouldn’t have been able to do anyway #for example I would want one poster to have nothing on it except the design is raised like braille is #and you can only experience it through touch #and then have a qr code that leads to a website with all text and image ids for screen readers #but I got to make sure the colours would be accessible to colourblind people. and the font is accessible to dyslexic people #in theory this would be completely accessible to all

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pussy-ache · 10 months

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i probably shouldn’t read about bpd before bed

#cuz now it’s 330am and i’m crying cuz i have no way to actually mentally process love effectively #like it’s so weird to realize that as much as romantic love and intimacy interest me as concepts #i crave it until the exact moment where i can get it for myself #and then the craving dissipates #like how do i say ‘’hey i know we’ve been having fun for years and you seem to be falling in love with me #but i have no desire to actually be loved by you or touched by you in an actual real way’’#especially because the attention i receive is the only dopamine i get that gets me out of bed #so essentially i just use people and string them along knowing i’ll never actual want more than surface level anything #and this is what i mean when i say i do not love right. like on paper i seem fine. in theory i seem fine. in practice not so much #there is something so deeply cracked about my desires sexually and romantically completely disappearing #like it really hurts him that he craves my touch and love and i crave. nothing.#like he always craves video chats and calls and loves seeing me and talking to me and idc if i ever have that. i don’t crave it at all #the roleplay of intimacy is fun and then it’s not anymore when people expect me to actually seriously want to spend time with them #i feel like i want to want someone because i’ve been taught i should #the way i operate romantically and sexually falls completely in line with BPD #i will probably be alone for the majority of my life #and i know i can do that but i was promised to some degree that the normal thing to do as an adult is cohabitate / be intimate with someone #and now i’m like ‘’well no one prepared me for a reality where because of a mental illness i might not actually be able to do that’’#i wasn’t prepared for the possibility that i truly will live life alone because of this #and now it’s like 4am and i’m staring at the wall and having it hit me like a ton of bricks #it’s like in order to actually fall in love at all i’m going to have to beat back this mental illness at any given moment forever #and that’s IF and only IF i’m able to even fall in love in the first place #it doesn’t seem like i’m actually capable of falling in love

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bredforloyalty · 1 year

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category 5 alcoholic moment

#booze alleviates some of the anxiety but completely prevents me from any kind of productivity.. while the emotions just flow bc #the dam's burst #while coffee in theory should help me focus but actually it just makes me so anxious and restless i tear all my hair out #so i'm supposed to hack this with nothing in my system? 😧#lol #kata.txt

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teruthecreator · 2 years

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i dont usually watch deltarune theory videos bc i think everyone lacks the proper tools to analyze media except for me and my chosen few (and also bc the youtube deltarune/undertale scene is Fucking Insane) but i rlly liked that guys video on the dr narrator bc it does kinda bring up the fact that diegetic narrators arent necessarily a commonality, and just bc toby fox did it once does not mean he needs to do it again

#ignorance cloud on #tho i do think that nothing can be said for sure until the game is actually completed #bc we all lack hindsight and the ability to recontextualize the given content #since we do not kno how this story ends #he brings up the narrachara theory from undertale and how certain flavortext sorta solidified the theory as mostly legitimate #but a lot those flavortexts come at the End of the game in new home #which then allows the player to recontextualize everything thats been in flavortext given the knowledge we get by the end #do i think there will be a similar reveal of the narrator in deltarune? no #in fact i think the biggest reveal will come from the relationship between kris and the narrator #since it is very obvious to me that the narration is something kris hears/sees and understands as being the outside force #but i do think the end of the game will give proper insight to then analyze all the given flavortext from the whole game

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dmclemblems · 2 years

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I have to politely disagree to your reasoning of why Dimitri spared Edelgard at the end of AG. My reading was that he figured that she has already suffered enough because this time he has an idea of what TWSID have done to her and/or because now that she mentally regressed to twelve year old Edelgard, she's no longer the Edelgard that started the war in the first place.

I'm not sure if you saw my post after that one, but I mentioned a theory that basically there was dark magic on top of dark magic; that being, in this game specifically, maybe Edelgard had dark magic used on her to begin with (and was part of why she forgot about Dimitri), so in a way it could be that the "new" personality started there and the "real" personality was "asleep" that whole time.

When Thales used his dark magic to control her during AG, that would be the second time in this theory that he used it on her and I guess took her memory away to some extent, since she couldn't remember what happened over the course of six months.

If that happened it would be like, once Thales died and his dark magic on her was released, that the time she lived from back then to the present was possibly just gone. In a sense, you could say the Edelgard we know was possibly totally erased and that she's starting over from the moment her memories were first wiped/altered.

And I think it's totally valid that you have your own idea on what the final scene meant! To me I think it could be a combination of both the ideas we have, because while I think it'd make sense that maybe he's letting some things go since she may not have been totally in control and all that and the blame for most of his pain was due to Thales' desires, I think it would be hard for him to reconcile with her mentally by then. I think there's still probably some part of him that will struggle to look at her and not feel anger for things she did (especially the war). In time I think he might be able to forgive her if the theory I mentioned above is accurate/somewhat accurate and like you said, she regressed back to being a child.

Since it's an open ending on that stuff though, it could be possible that maybe she remembered him but still has her memories of the war and whatnot? Like maybe all that happened is her old memories are accessible to her now but she's returned to being who she was throughout the war, but she's remembering "oh shit, it's Dee who I've been at war with".

Because it's an ambiguous ending I think there are any number of possibilities as to why he walked away tbh. Basically the way I've been seeing it is what I wrote just above - that she might finally remember him but may also be just now realizing exactly what she's done. Perhaps a part of him was at the time still too bitter and he had to address the armies that they'd won first before trying to get into anything emotional with her.

You could kind of say with how I'm thinking of it that like, imagine you were talking to someone online and didn't know who it was. You ended up in this fight with them and bad things happened, only for you to find out later that it was another person you cherished and kind of had that oh shit moment, but the fact still remains that you had this fight with that person due to a conflict of interests without knowing who it was. You did things you normally wouldn't have done to that person, but because you didn't know it was them you did do those things.

If Edelgard had just completely regressed and was living her life over again from the age of, mentally, twelve, and everything from that point after was truly erased, I'm sure Dimitri would reconcile with her, though I'm sure he'd need some time to let his feelings work themselves out.

What he'd do after imo would really depend on which Edelgard she is at the end: twelve year old Edelgard or a combination of her memories from back then but also the person we knew in game.

Thank you for being polite about it though! I don't mind discussing opposing thoughts/opinions. Usually it's just angry stans who have no actual discussion to add and just throw insults and angry comments, so I'm not gonna bother having a calm discussion with them when I know they won't listen. Ima just tell 'em to hop off my blog if I say anything to them because they have nothing nice to say and no actual discussion to offer. I don't mind talking to fans of her (not sure if you would consider yourself a fan or if you just see the scene differently) and I've talked to a small few before who don't mind a casual conversation. The only time I actually mind it is when people have a fit and don't know how to do anything except combust and malfunction. At that point it's like, if you can't calmly explain your view to someone then you need to just ignore it and accept that someone has a different opinion. I don't talk to hardcore Dimitri haters because I know nothing I say will change their mind (and most are just gonna shit on him anyway lol), but I'm also not gonna waste my time getting mad at them one on one when I could be posting something positive about him.

#Three Hopes Spoilers #I think the ending is at least good post war fic material if nothing else #It's open ended enough that there are lots of interpretations and I know there are #people who are fans of both characters who would like to see a world where they do reconcile #so I think this ending is actually good theory/fic content for those people #tbh Edelgard would probably have to start her life all over if she did regress completely #to the point of having no knowledge anymore on what she did since Thales got to her #I do think it'd still ultimately end with Ferdinand taking over the Empire since like #either Edelgard has regressed to being a twelve year old or she just lost the war (with memory of causing it)#and I really doubt Dimitri actually wants to unify the continent or their lands in any way #I don't think he'd try to take over and be like the Empire is part of Faerghus now #There would probably have to be some kind of official meetings if she had all her memories now #as far as what to do with her after having started and lost the war #and I think if she didn't remember they'd just have to find a way to integrate her back into society somehow #I think if the war ended then and there with Thales defeated that they'd have a lot to discuss about her #but I think the war would ultimately just be over bc I'm not sure I see Edelgard just #getting back to the war and continuing to target Rhea/trying to conquer Fodlan #after remembering about Dimitri based on the way she sounded/her tone of voice #like would they have had her speak to him that way and then be like And Then She Continued The War (tm)#i mean i don't think so but then this is also intsys so who knows what bizarre ending they'd cook up lol #DCB Ask

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kamaluhkhan · 6 months

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you are so gorgeous (it makes me so mad)

pairing: young!coryo snow x fem!reader

summary: clemensia dovecote has a theory that you and snow are destined for an enemies to lovers arc. you're sure it's completely, absolutely not true...right?

warnings: 18 + smut; biting + mention of blood ; both reader and snow are not the best ppl and have some very classist/elitist opinions

a/n: finally!! i wrote one of the ideas that has been haunting me ever since i've been back in my hunger games obsession + watched tbosbas...needless to say this will likely be a series inspired by taylor swift's reputation album. also i am so sorry this is unedited bc ofc it's 3am when i had the motivation to write this but i hope y'all enjoy ♡

i've had enemies so intense it felt like love, so mutual it felt romantic (chelsea hodson)

"what in the name of all the gods is he doing here?"

you're practically seething when coriolanus snow walks into your foyer. he's wearing an ensemble made with crisp white silk and intricately embroidered with gold thread - elegant, eventhough its silhouette would have been fashionable last year. a single white rose sits in the pocket of his jacket. he surveys the crowd, like he's calculating who's most worthy of his attention, platnium blond hair perfectly curled and practically glowing under the light of the chandelier. he looks beautiful, almost angelic.

you absolutely hate it.

"oh, i invited him," clemensia dovecote informs non-chalantly.

coriolanus makes eye contact with you from across the room, and you turn your head sharply to your best friend.

"why would you think it was okay to invite him?"

clemensia smiles mischeviously, grabbing two champagne flutes from a passing silver tray. she hands one to you.

"i know the two of you have your petty squabbles — "

"they are not petty, nor are they squabbles," you grumble, taking a sip of your drink.

your contempt towards coriolanus was perfectly reasonable and absolutely mutual. he had some ridiculous notion that snow had to land on top, that it was his right to be there instead of yours. your relationship, if you could call it that, was limited to nothing more than snide remarks, sarcastic comments, and scornful stares. you both hyperaware of the importance of keeping up appearances, but the older you got - the closer to life outside of the academy and the higher the stakes - the more any sense of civility between you two faded. just earlier this week, you'd gotten into such a heated debate about the best way to increase viewership for the upcoming 10th annual hunger games, that your professor excused you both from the class early due to the disruption. it seemed that no one knew how to make you burn with anger quite like coriolanus snow.

clemensia rolls her eyes. "whatever you want to call it, i actually think the two of you would get along if you really tried."

one of the things you admired - and, frankly, loathed - about clemensia was her determination to always prove herself right. she had this theory - one you would call ludicrous - that the tension between you and coriolanus had nothing to do with academics or status and everything to do with wanting to rip each other's clothes off.

your eyes catch coriolanus' icy blue ones again and you down the rest of your drink. obviously, clemensia was wrong about this. so, very wrong.

"well," you huff, setting your empty glass down on another silver tray that passes by. you brush invisible dust off your dress - a deep red lace, short and form fitting with exaggerated long sleeves - and add: "you'll be lucky if i invite you to my next party."

clemensia might have had the sense to apologize then, but you walked away before she had a chance.

you allow yourself to weave through the crowd, greeting every guest with an equal facade of enthusiasm and grace. you smile as brightly at one person as you do the next, showing off your newly bleached teeth and making sure that everyone feels special. silver trays of food and drinks appear and reappear throughout the crowd, being carried by nameless waiters. there's a table overflowing with gifts concealed by crisply folded wrapping paper - you expect at least half of them will be worthless.

you put up a good front, but soon enough your lipstick needs reapplying and your hair readjusting, so you briefly excuse yourself lest anyone notice a crack in your perfectly constructed image. the door to your room is slightly ajar, and you open it to reveal none other than the person you'd deliberately, but not so successfully, tried to ignore all night, his white silk shirt stained a dark crimson that happened to match your dress.

coriolanus was furious when he found out you'd invited the entire graduating class, except him, to your birthday party. you'd even invited sejanus. it wasn't that he particularly wanted to celebrate you, of all people. you were the most brilliant, biting, enfuriating person he knew, but to be excluded in such a way was insulting. when clemensia extended him the invite, he jumped at the chance to prove to everyone, to you, that he belonged here. tigris curated his outfit, and it would have been perfect had arachne crane, vapid creature she was and ever the lightweight, spilled an entire glass of red wine on him. he hurried away before anyone could see him in such a humiliating state. coriolanus is in the middle of calculating his options when you walk into what he now realizes is your bedroom.

you don't say a word at first. you haven't said one to him all night. instead, you close the door behind you and your eyes graze his figure.

"you show up to my party, late no less, and now you're parading around in what looks like a bloodstained shirt that is far too outmoded to be appropriate attire for this occasion," you remark, displaying that signature fierceness. "are you trying to ruin my birthday, snow?"

"don't blame me," coriolanus scoffs. his shoulders tense and he makes a point to stand up a bit straighter. "blame arachne for not being able to hold her alcohol while she's complaining about the food."

"oh?" you raise an eyebrow. "what did she say?"

"something about people in the districts having better options."

"vapid bitch," you mutter under your breath. you walk over to your closet, disappearing for a few seconds before bringing out a fresh shirt. you extend it to him, but he doesn't take it.

"i can't very well have a good time when one of my guests looks like he just got killed in the hunger games," you huff. "so either you put this on or your leave my party. now."

coriolanus holds your gaze, his jaw clenched, before giving in and taking the shirt from you. he goes to undo the buttons of his shirt, but stops when he notices that your eyes never leave him.

"some privacy would be nice," he says sharply.

you roll your eyes, muttering something about it being your house and your room, before sitting across the room at your vanity. as he undresses and throws his soiled shirt on the floor, coriolanus watches you closely. you meticulously apply lipstick, the shade of red almost as dark as your black nails.

you were attractive, there was no denying that, but ultimately dangerous. because you weren't carelessly cruel like arachne, nor did you wear your heart on your sleeve like sejanus. you didn't use your family's status as an excuse to avoid hard work like felix, nor were you a spineless know-it-all like clemensia. no, you were different from the rest. you had a fiery ambition and a sharp tongue, a wicked streak with just enough charisma to lure people in. sometimes when he thinks of you, coriolanus recalls stories his grandma'am once told him and tigress, about sea monsters who would tempt sailors with their bewitching voices and enchanting beauty, enticing them to risk everything - to jump into the ocean and never be relevant as anything more than a midnight snack. you were a constant, suffocating reminder of how quickly he could lose everything if he lost control, if he gave in.

coriolanus watches you set down the tube of lipstick before picking up a compact. you lightly brush the shimmery powder inside over your face to accentuate some of your gorgeous features.

the desire that burns throughout his body now has to be a side effect of the few glasses of liquor he managed to drink, allowing himself the appearance of having a good time alongside everyone else without losing control.

your eyes leave your reflection momentarily, and you finally catch coriolanus staring at you. you wink at him from across the room just as he's finished with the last button. the way you look at him makes the collar of his shirt feel tighter.

he can not give in....but what's the harm in admitting, just for one night, that he would let you drown him? devour him? beg on his knees to give you pleasure, and then thank you after the fact?

coriolanus clears his throat. "this feels wrong. i should be the one gifting you with a new shirt. it's your birthday, after all."

you let out a breathy laugh, setting down your makeup. you walk over to him, until there are only a few inches between you despite the vastness of your bedroom.

even you had to concede that coriolanus snow had such a gorgeous face for such a vicious person. you're infuriated by how elegant he looks now, in your shirt. your hands busy themselves in smoothing down his already perfect collar and you take note of the intensity of his heartbeat. you notice the way his jaw remains clenched, his posture stiff, his skin flushed. you realize that he must be trying so hard right now to retain his composure around you and you feel something that can only be described as triumph.

you smile at him, sickly sweet, and remove your hands from his body. "the best birthday present i could get is winning the plinth prize over you, snow. we both know you're not good enough, let alone better than me."

he hesitates slightly before responding.

"sorry, valerius. that's the one thing i can't give you. is there anything else you'd want from me?" he whispers, words dripping like honey.

"that depends, is there anything you want from me?"

he hums, moving his hand to cup your cheek. he begins to trace your lips with his thumb, ruining the look you had so meticulously crafted.

if only you knew.

"you're the birthday girl, sweetheart," he chides. "i'm supposed to be the one giving the gift. you do know how birthdays work, don't you?"

he's mocking you, you know that. he's trying to make you feel weak and small. you had the power a second ago, his heartbeat in the palm of your hand, and normally you wouldn't stand for him turning the tables. you'd push him away, storm out the door. but right now all you want is to tug on his perfect blond curls, to bite the smirk off his lips. maybe it's the way he's so close and can't seem to take his eyes off your lips or the calculated amount of wine you drank that's made your head a bit foggy, made you put your guard down. made you start to entertain the idea that maybe possibly clemensia's theory had some truth to it.

"why don't you surprise me?" you suggest.

coriolanus surges forward and kisses you with such ferocity, he might as well be a man starving. teeth on teeth on tongue. you instantly tangle your hands into his hair, pull on some curls just to see what he'd do. he retaliates by biting down on your bottom lip, hard enough that you taste the metallic tang of blood mixed with the remnants of honeyed wine on his lips. you whimper and pull away slightly. he holds your face firmly between his two hands, so you cannot go too far.

"sorry." but he smirks, and you know he doesn't really mean it.

eventually, you've both stumbled onto the bed half-naked. coriolanus positions himself above you, effectively caging you in with his arms and legs. you take note of his lean thighs, his bare torso with skin taut around his bones. you're almost taken aback by how frail he looks - like a malnourished teenager from one of the districts. you reach out to trace the outline of his ribs, your nails scraping against his skin, and he shudders. your hand moves lower, teasing the waistband of his underwear. he stops you before it slips underneath the material.

instead, coriolanus begins to indulge in his deepest fantasy. he kisses and sucks and bites down your body, his tongue trailing down your chest, over your breasts and around your nipples, across your stomach. he laps up your soft whines, the curses that tumble from your lips for him to do something more. you sink further into the silk sheets when he arrives between your thighs. you raise your hips, desperate to find any sort of relief, and you feel his nails dig into your hips.

"patience," he teases, his breath fanning over where you needed him most. "so needy." you could practically feel coriolanus roll his eyes.

"i swear to god snow, if you don't do something soon. i-i'll go find someone else to fuck me. felix, or maybe sejanus --"

you yelp when his teeth sink into your inner thigh. he looks up at you, eyes the darkest blue you've ever seen them.

"don't," coriolanus warns, and he gets back to work, lips actually arriving at where you needed them most.

after you've reached your high, he comes back up to kiss you, allowing you to taste yourself. when he pulls away, you take note of how his lips and nose shine with remnants of you. the way he looks at you while he licks his lips shows you that he wants more. you move your hand down, and you're deeply satisfied when you feel him half hard, already sticky with his release.

"oh." you smirk. "you already finished."

his eyes widen, skin flushing pink. you could feel his heartbeat grow faster above you. you could imagine he was debating the best way to restore his dominance from before. yet, here he was, nothing but a horny teenage boy who came untouched as he was eating out his worst enemy. you find it in you to not call him pathetic, but instead decide, in your post-orgasm haze, you find it endearing.

"i-i didn't mean to, but --"

"i'm just that sexy when i cum," you suggest, running your hands through his curls to calm him down. "how about we try again, pretty boy?"

soon enough, he's sitting up with his back against your headboard and your legs wrapped around his waist, his length fully nestled into your warm cunt. coriolanus' blunt nails graze your hips, moving lower to your ass to guide you with each thrust. you love seeing him underneath you, seeming completely mesmerized by how your breasts bounce up and down in front of him. he leans forward to wrap his lips around your nipple, but you beat him to it. you bend forward and suck bruises onto his skin, everywhere and anywhere: underneath his chin, across his collarbone, where his neck meets his shoulder.

his moans are so loud, and you're sure he's not going to last much longer. you're also worried that some of the other party guests might catch you, so you pull his head away from your shoulder and crash your lips back onto to his. you swallow his moans as best you can, tongues fight for dominance, but he lets out a deep groan, and lets you win. you bite down on his bottom lip just as you reach your climax, causing him to let out a deep groan once more.

you gasp when he suddenly flips you over, pulls out of you and stokes himself a few times before painting your body with his release. coriolanus all but collapses on the bed beside you. you're both breathing heavily for a few moments, on your backs looking up at the ceiling, before he turns on his side towards you. coriolanus trails hs fingers down to your abdomen, sticky with his cum.

"i told you: snow lands on top."

"was that a joke, coryo?" you guffaw, genuinely surprised at the mischievous but playful glint in his eye. a bit surprised at yourself, too, for using his nickname that you'd so carefully avoided. you had to remind yourself that he was still the same coriolanus snow you'd grown to hate.

the boy tangled in the sheets beside you, his messy curls translucent under the light of your chandelier, his skin glowing with sweat and decorated with lipstick and rose-petal bruises. the boy who now smiles at you with dazzling blue eyes, leans closer and whispers:

"don't get used to it. it's a special occasion." coriolanus kisses you sweetly, and you shiver before he adds: "happy birthday."

this boy in bed with you now is the same manipulative, power hungry snake who would stab you in the back if need be. and, the truth of the matter is: you aren't much different, either.

you get up to grab his wine-stained shirt, use it to wipe off his release and toss it back down to the floor.

his eyes follow you the entire time, even as you come back to straddle him again. almost instantly, you feel him harden underneath you. you hold his head in your hands, kiss him deeply, tease his bottom lip between your teeth as you pull away.

"snow lands on top, huh? not for long, if i can help it."

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astarion-obsessions · 8 months

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Hold on, there is something I thought about. When Astarion approached Tav with "all his favourite lines" of flattery, leading to fake confessing his love to them, I was genuinely hurt to see that he would play with Tav's feelings like that, just for the sake of entertainment.

But now that their relationship progressed and Astarion actually confessed that he developed feelings for Tav, but still claims to not know how he would define their relationship, I get the feeling that he made the choice to fake confess beforehand for another reason than entertainment or seduction altogether. Hear me out.

Why does Astarion fake confess his love to Tav?

When I get a scene with Astarion, I always reload a thousand times to try out all the routes and see all his reactions, so what I'm about to break down will be no less than heartbreaking.

First let's take a look at what Astarion has to say. He starts the conversation with a clear goal in mind: he wants to seduce us again and he says so right away. He continues with very openly displaying his skills at charming people with honeyed words, seemingly enjoying himself while doing so. But what we have to keep in mind is that he's done that thousands and thousands of times already. I think it's safe to assume that he's perfected this mask of a smug, flirtatious man enjoying all this debauchery.

But after giving us one suggestive line after another, he does something that does not match the tone of the conversation so far: his fake love confession. I mean, just look at him.

He goes from completely exaggerated facial expressions and gestures:

When I'm with you, I feel practically alive, yet I crave only to die again with you.

To this:

I love you

We get a closeup of his face and see that he gets serious all of a sudden despite the fact that the conversation has been all fun and flirty just a moment ago. He draws his brows together, tells Tav "I love you" and then just looks at us with this serious and almost sad expression. Completely different from before when he was just toying around.

And yes, I just said he's very practiced in playing pretend, but just the difference between shallow and cheesy lines about craving to die together and their perfect body whispering temptation in contrast to a simple "I love you" and then on top of that the difference on how he conveys it - for me it just doesn't fit together, this isn’t Astarion pretending. And furthermore he gains nothing from adding this confession. The flirty lines would have been enough to seduce Tav once again and therefore ensure their attachment to him, so that his protection is granted. And that is all he wants, at least in the beginning.

But then, why would he voice this fake confession in the first place? And that's where my theory sets in. I don't think he would risk the trouble of getting more feelings involved than necessary in his "nice simple plan" - seducing Tav, sleeping with them, manipulating their feelings. For doing so, he simply wouldn't need a love confession.

With saying "How about I say those little words. Everyone's favourite" he already suggests that he's said them to a lot of people already. And this surely is a way to charm and seduce people very fast, but with Tav he doesn't need to rush. They're tied together for an indefinite amount of time, he doesn't need to seduce them in a matter of hours or days before serving them to his master. And he's already seduced Tav successfully before, so my guess is this:

My explanation for the fake confession

The real confession scene, where he admits to having started to genuinely feel something for Tav, came a bit out of nowhere for me. (And don't get me started with our options to react to his real confession. I talked about that here.) I don’t think he would just willingly tell Tav that he's grown fond of them, when a few nights before he threw the fake confession their way without giving a damn about Tav's feelings - that just felt very out of character for him in my opinion.

But what if he started to fall in love with Tav even before the fake confession? Think about it, he has slept with Tav once - successfully seduced - so all he has to do is sustain this kind of relationship. Saying all his favourite lines at Tav and trying to get them to sleep with each other for a second time would have been just that - sustaining the relationship at present. But then he says "I love you". And I say he does so purposefully. It's a test. Having someone like you enough to sleep with you is one thing. Having deep and complex feelings like love involved is something else entirely. So he tests the waters with this confession. He hides behind all of these flirtatious lines and places the confession at their end to throw a veil over its real meaning.

It may be a lie either way - saying it just for entertainment or saying it to see if Tav is open for deeper feelings - but I think he exaggerates on purpose to trigger a reaction that speaks for itself. Does Tav care about these words? Is Tav hurt to see that Astarion is apparently willing to play with their feelings like this? Or do they not care about such vanities?

I want to emphasise the fact that Astarion hasn't had the luxury to allow himself anything resembling these kinds of feelings for at least two centuries. Naturally, he would not just come around and open up his heart to Tav when all he's done until then was charming them just for his plan. He would want to reassure himself that this wouldn't turn against him if he dares to show such great vulnerability in front of anyone. He says it himself when he properly confesses that it is intimidating for him to make decisions on his own again. And confessing his feelings is exactly one of those intimidating decisions.

Interpreting Astarion's reaction

To back up my take I want to take a closer look at Astarion's reaction when we reject him after the fake confession. After he laughs the confession off in one way or the other, he insists on having sex with you again. Here he sticks to exaggerated facial expressions and gestures, just like before with his honeyed words.

Now, as much as I relish standing around and saying all my favourite lines at you, I’d much rather we got to experience each others’ full portfolio of talents once again.

But if Tav then turns him down with saying “I don’t think I really want this”, this is his immediate reaction:

Well, well, excuse me while I die of a broken heart.

He takes a few seconds to process what Tav said, and then instantly responds with another exaggeration accompanied by fitting gesticulation, ending with a fake smile. After that he just looks at Tav for another few seconds and his demeanor changes again:

In all honesty, it's a shame. That time was special to me. I've gotten on my back ten thousand times or more, and forgotten half of them.

He loses his fake smile, averts his gaze and starts fumbling with his hands nervously. He can't hide his disappointment, but he tries to keep his face neutral - even if it doesn't work all too well. He tells us we were special before giving us a scrunched fake smile once again. It's really hard to watch…

But you… you I'll remember.

For usually being rather quick to react and respond, we can see how difficult it is for him to react to Tav in this case.

Have a fine evening, dear.

He pauses yet again, lifts his gaze to the sky and just looks so lost. Mere moments ago he was flirting and laughing, and now he seems so utterly desperate. And then, he can't even keep up his attempts of masking his sadness when his expression slips in the end and his face scrunches painfully for just a second before the whole scene ends. This really broke my heart.

Conclusion

This is definitely not the reaction of someone who was turned down for just another round of sex - even if this meant that Astarion's plan of assuring his safety didn't work out. Because then he could have just tried to get Tav to change their mind with another one of his favourite lines. Or he would have at least reacted like he does when you tell him to stay at the camp ("Oh darling, I'm hurt" which he obviously isn't). But he doesn't.

Because this is the reaction of someone who dared to get his hopes up. Someone who thought that maybe, just maybe, these unwanted, complicated feelings for Tav which had slowly crept up, nullifying his nice simple plan, could genuinely lead to a relationship he didn't know he needed so desperately. Someone who is so devastated by a rejection at this point, that he doesn't even question it. He just accepts that Tav isn't interested in sleeping with him, let alone having feelings beyond sexual desire. It's just as it always has been. It's not as if Astarion remembers anyone caring about him, so why should it be different this time…

And that's why I think this whole fake love confession was a way for Astarion to veil his growing feelings for Tav under the pretence of flirting, and had the purpose to find out if he could more or less safely confess his true feelings to Tav.

Gods, this is so heartbreaking. I need to pat Astarion's fluffy head in my dreams as a redemption.

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