#harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now.

[genekies]

screaming in the club

time for another vent in tags

#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO #i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe #n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th #ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a #utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai #ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell #like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc #then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no #food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it #harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now. #the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats #fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS. #all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY #SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf #the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther #es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much. #i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the #bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and #no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh #it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression #i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat. #im so close to snapping on them at this point #i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT #everything has gone to shit #vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.

[richterscales3652134]

Seductive Spin Class

Seductive Spin

My 4 p.m. Timberlake spin class is about to start and all I can think about is the path my life has taken. I, Benjamin, a once bad-boy with a fetish for bees used to brothel hop and go to matinees alone to use only the most buttery of popcorn to relieve myself in times when my flesh light was stolen. It wasnt until I hit rock bottom half way through what I thought was flight of the bumblebees, when I realized I was masturbating to Akeelah and the Bee and tearing up along with Laurence Fishburne as Akeelah correctly spells logorrhea, when I decided to turn my life around. Trading matinees for daily spin classes, I have devoted my life to healthy eating, exercise and the LA lifestyle. Although my life is now back on track I cant help but have cravings for large breasts, dripping pussies, and holding my cock watching it blow with the force of one thousand fire hydrants – now thats some good shit.

I eye all my clients as they come in the spin room – the environment not unlike one of a vagina—dark, moist, and pulsing to the beat of Justin Timberlakes voice. Looks like the normal group of spinners, until I laid eyes on her. She was the sturdiest woman I have ever seen. Hot like Megan Fox, but body strong enough to withstand a World War. Hair just down to her shoulders, breasts the size of a newborn baby and an ass that I knew that just wouldnt quit. She looked slightly Bulgarian – I love myself a Balkan who knows her way around a glass of Rakia.I looked up her name on the spin chart – Gaby.

Alright guys time to start spinning! Today were spinning along to Justin Timberlake! Just remember to pedal to the beat. DONT FORGET TO TURN YOUR RESISTANCE UP AND ENGAGE YOUR CORE!

As I pedal, I cant help but glance at Gaby, watching her tits bounce with every step. I feel my cock start to move around in my pants; it begins to harder and my semi-erect cock starts to push against the compression shorts Im wearing. There are so many things I could do to her right now. No one would know. I know I cant though; Ive cleaned up my act and one more slip like this….

COME ON LADIES LETS DO THIS!! SING ALONG, DIRTY BABEE YOU SEE THESE SHACKLES BABY IM YOUR SLAVE

I jump off my bike and round the room getting the ladies pumped. I get to Gabys bike and conveniently theres no one sitting around her. The Justin lyrics are starting to push me over the edge -- You see these shackles, baby Im your slave Ill let you whip me if you misbehave…

Hey Gaby, couldnt help notice your form, let me help you, I purr.

I start a slow gradual descent down her back, rubbing my hands down her arms until I reach her fingers grasping the handles of the bike. I can tell her grip is getting weaker as I kiss the back of her neck and rub my now entirely erect penis on her tail bone.

Benjamin what are you doing! There are people around!

I couldnt help notice you when you came in. You know youre the sexiest girl in here. Come on listen to Justin, get your sex on, I coo in her ear.

Gaby starts to moan as I move my hands down her back onto her butt, massaging every inch of her until I get to her dripping pussy.

Ohh yeah, okay but as long as no one else notices Gaby purrs.

The song switches to What comes Around Gos Around.COME LADIES STANDUP AND ENGAGE YOUR CORE, LETS GET THROUGH THIS ONE SLOWLY.

As Gaby stands up I slowly pull down her gym shorts while easing my cock into her pussy, and start to fuck her slowly. Her body begins to arch as I go deeper and her breathing turns into panting, becoming unsteady and exasperated.

Oh baby dont stop, she murmurs.

I look around the room and the other spinners have no idea whats going on. The rush of the secret fuck is making me so hard I need a hat for it. I pick up my legs and wrap them around her body, holding my feet on the handlebars for support. I can feel her trembling tight body and my cock swimming in her drenched pussy. She tries to turn around but I dont let her – it would be too obvious. Instead she kneads my thighs with her hands working her way up to my asshole. She licks her finger looking back at me tickles my puckering hole with it.

Im about to cum, she whispers.

Not yet, I want to keep going,

I slowly pull out and kneel to the floor, pretending to pick up weights. I start licking in the inside of her thighs and make my way up the juiciest pussy Ive ever seen. I start licking her clit and she cant stop quivering.

Gaby you have to stop trembling its too noticeable!

I cant stop. Benjamin your tongue feels so good, ohh dont stop oh dont fucking stop. Да! Не спирайте!

You Bulgarian tigress!

My tongue darts around, swirling and sucking, making sure Im getting every last drop.

Now you stop! IM about to come, come behind me, Gaby begs.

I go behind her and gently rub my mushroom tip on her crevasses, not going in but letting her juices drip right down to the floor.My pre-cum starts to spray on the bikes surrounding but I just dont give a fuck.

Oh Baby just finish me off PLEASE! ХАЙДЕ СКЪПА!

I ram myself inside of her.

COME ON GUYS LAST SONG. REALLY GIVE IT YOUR ALL, I yell as 4 minutes by Justin Timberlake comes on.

I grab her body and pull her in and out of me, grabbing her tits, and pinching her nipples making them so hard anyone in the room could see. I grab her pussy and start fingering her innards around my cock, playing with her lips making my way into her clit. As Madonnas verse comes on I know Im about to cum. With every stroke our bodies become more rigid and our hidden pants turn into loud yells.

OH YES FUCK ME BENJAMIN, FUCK ME.

My cock is swelling and about to burst, her hands are clawing at my thighs in anticipation. Our moaning and screaming became yells and as I was about to climax my cock had a mind of its own.

OHH YEAH we both scream in unison as my cock fires round after round of hot steaming cum into her pussy.Our bodies quiver as we fall to a silence, and look around us. Oblivious to our surroundings we realize everyone has left the class and the manager is standing in the front of the room. The Manager walks over to our naked bodies and looks us up and down.

Benjamin you are fired.

Needless to say Gaby was a fucking smoking hot woman and I regret nothing.

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[thewritingstar]

Until My Heart Stops Racing

Pairing: Mitch x Mike (or Bitch as I like to call them, ya know cause Believe x Mitch.....nvm lol) 

Fandom: The Powerpuff Girls 

Note: This was a commission for the wonderful @lisathefan who gave me the cutest prompt and I know she loves her crack ships. I hope you enjoy my dear and thanks to my beta, Faxx for helping me! 

Word count: 5538

---

The car whipped into the parking space, dirt flying around us and I felt my heart rate finally go back to its normal beating. I looked over to Butch who had a goofy grin and ignoring everything he just did.

“Butch your driving is terrible. Now I get why you fly everywhere.” I groaned as I finally got out of the car. “I swear if Brick saw how you drove this thing... actually I don’t want to think about it.” I thought that speeding was illegal but apparently if the cops can’t even see your car, it's a free pass. And being in touch with the puffs might be a bonus we all have.

Butch let out a laugh before locking the car. “Relaxe Mike, what Brick doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” He shrugged and sometimes I wondered how he could even say that. Brick could kill someone with just a glance but when you are a superhuman, and his brother, maybe the effect doesn’t work.

Maybe I should ask Blossom about that.

The beeping of other cars brought me out of my trance as I followed him on the dirt path.

“Anyways, why did you drag me all the way out here?” I turned to see the lights and the signs. “The fair?”

In front of me was the entrance to what could only be deemed as a somehow legal way to make people shell out three hundred dollars on cheap food and even cheaper ride systems. Every kid wanted to go to the fair and, yeah, it was fun when you were five, but now that we had just graduated high school, it seemed more dangerous than fun.

“Yeah, why not?”

I glanced at him and he only smiled widely but something in his eyes had mischief written all over it. “What's the deal?”

He sighed and smirked.

“A little birdy told me you got heart eyes for a certain someone.” Butch threw his arm around my shoulder. “And as the king of romance, I’m gonna help you out.”

Theres always a small tinge of fear whenever Butch gets an idea. It either ends badly where someone gets hurt, usually him or bad in the way that we all get in trouble and the notorious Powerpuff Girls have to get us out of it. But this...this was much worse.

“Butch, what did you do?” I said through gritted teeth. He only laughed at me instead of answering and pushed up towards the gates.

“Relax. Look they are here.” He pointed.

I followed his sight and walking up towards us was Buttercup, Robin and Mitch. Butch let out another laugh, probably because he could hear my heartbeat. Fuck superhearing. Of course Robin opened her mouth. You tell a girl while you’re throwing up that you have the biggest crush on your best friend who wears dark leather, has piercings and makes your heart swoon and think that she can keep her mouth shut. But no, she can’t.

“Hey guys.” Butch waves to him before leaving me to wrap his arms around Buttercup and ignore the public by kissing her square on the lips. PDA is always gross unless you’re the one doing it, so I can’t blame them. Also it's funny to watch her smack his arm.

“Sup Mikey.” Robin smiles smugly. Little demon.

“Hey. Hi Mitch.” He gives me a wave and a nod of the head and I have to mentally tell myself not to blush. Stupid hormons.

“Come on you two.” Robin says and grabs my arm and Mitch’s and forces us towards the carnival’s entrance. “Lets go!”

One of the perks to being besties with the puffs is the mass amount of freebies. Buttercup swiftly pulled out a ticket for each of us and handed it to the ticket collector.

“Sweet, free entrance.” Mitch smiled at me and held up his hand for a fist bump.

I gladly returned the gesture and every time I did so, I wondered if he could feel the electric spark between us. God, I need to stop reading romance novels.

“Alright losers. We’ll see you all later tonight, meet up for fireworks at 9?” Buttercup said and apparently everyone already had a plan that I was not aware of.

“Sounds good to me!” Butch smirked. “BC and I are going to do coupley stuff no one wants to see and Robin said something about henna soooooo.” He looked at me. “Guess Mitchy boy and Mikey are on their own.” I didn’t miss his wink and before I could protest, everyone was walking away.

My mind was now racing as I tried to comprehend what was happening. I realized in this moment that the group had ganged up on us, well specifically me. Mitch probably didn’t even think twice as the group broke up but they were out of their minds if they thought something was going to happen.

“Wanna hit the rides?” He asked.

I take a breath before nodding. We turn into the direction of the ride area and I have to remind myself that he is just a friend. A friend. Nothing more, nothing less. I usually have my emotions in check but for some reason, they want to act up now. All I have to do is get through tonight without embarrassing myself or giving Butch the satisfation of him being the king of romance. As if that were possible.

The area is buzzing with so much energy. There’s little kids whining and screams coming from the various rides. The smells of corn dogs, popcorn and, oddly enough, waffles mixed in the air and I can’t tell if it smells good or not but I know my pockets are gonna be much lighter by the end of the night.

We get into the shortest line for the tickets and it's truly a scam that each ride is a separate cost.

“I don’t feel like dying tonight so I think two rides is good for me.” Mitch says and I laugh a little because it's true. Just watching the swings makes me feel like one of them unhinge and plummet to the ground but that's what I get for being a paranoid person.

“I feel you. How about the rollercoaster and ummm... the spinning ride?” I suggest.

“Sounds good to me.” He smiles and god fucking dammit, those damn dimples.

The line moves as we chat about the newest horror movie coming into theaters and how Mitch saw a certain pair of redheads making out in a car.

“Wait for real?”

“I swear to god dude.” He raised his hand. “Unless some other chick wears a big ass bow, it has to be them.”

“Interesting.” I smile and soon we get called next.

“Hi there boys, how many tickets can I get ya?” the older woman asks.

“Ten.” Mitch says and I reach into my pocket to grab my wallet, that may or may not have a photo of all of our friends and definitely not for the reason that I can see his face at any given time, but Mitch stops me and places the cash in the tin. “I got it.” he says casually and something inside me felt all warm and fuzzy as the row of blue tickets was handed to him.

“Have a nice date night.” The woman says as we walk away and I almost do a double take thinking I heard her wrong. But when I look over to Mitch, he seems unaffected by the words so I just let it slide.

The rollercoaster isn’t as grand or cool as the ones at the theme park, it doesn’t even go upside down but it has a good bit of hills and bumps to give some air time so i guess it will do. The only problem is that these workers don’t care and make Mitch and I sit in the same cart as these two younger kids.

After we get the bars onto us, the ride starts to go. In front of us the girl grabs the boy's arm and I give a small eye roll as we start to climb the lift hill.

“Babe I'm scared.” She cries and he wraps an arm around her shoulders and I’ve never been so jealous of middle schoolers before.

“These carts are so damn small.” Mitch complains. And it's true. The two of us squished in this together leaves no space for our arms. The pressure of our shoulders touching isn’t too bad but it's to the point it almost hurts. “Hold on.” He says and I feel him pull his right arm away from mine and throw it behind us. “Sorry this is better.”

“No, it's cool bro.” I say even though I realize that this boy really just made it ten times harder to breath now.

I can barely grasp my surroundings as the rollercoaster takes its first turn before the drop. I can see the ending of the track as we go down but the only thing my brain is processing is the fingers tightening on my shoulder.

“Holy shit.” I mumble hoping that Mitch doesn’t know how he's affecting me.

We let out screams and shouts as we go up and down, flying around on the track and I try to enjoy myself, I really do. Before long, it's over and Mitch reaches his hand out to help me up and I take it with silence.

“That was fun.” He smiles and I am really happy he ignored his moms protests and got that lip piercing. It suits him.

“Yeah.” Is all I can muster and he gives me a look before walking towards the next ride.

Luckily as we enter this ride, there’s more room. Only our knees touch as we buckle in the seatbelt and I feel myself being able to breathe better.

“Good thing we didn’t eat before getting on here.” I laugh as the lights start to flash.

He snorts and nods. “Robin would have blown chunks either way.”

The ride is a simple circular track with small hills. All it does is follow the path and goes around pretty fast. Simple but a classic. The music begins and soon we feel the cart shift. I'm sitting on the right while Mitch is on the left, next to the exit and he wiggles off his black beanie just for good measure. His light brown hair, slightly damaged from dying it black back in freshman year, is ruffled from hat hair and my god is it cute.

“Fucking love this ride.” Mitch smiles and it begins to pick up the pace.

Soon, we are at full speed, which is fine. Perfectly fine. Except for the fact that the gravity from the ride is pulling me towards Mitch and no matter how tight I hold on, I end up smacked against him. Shoulders touching and I can clearly smell his cologne. It's the scent of sandalwood and campfire and my god does it smell heavenly. Men just smell like nature and I am more than okay with that.

But Mitch doesn’t mind, because why would he? Instead he's laughing and truly enjoying the ride. I smile and laugh too because honestly, it's just fun to spend time with him. The ride is over faster than I wanted and we hop off, slightly dizzy and I walk a little out of line but he catches my arm and pulls me to him.

“Easy dude.” He chuckles and I nudge him playfully and ruffle his hair before he plops on his beanie. Goodbye cute hat hair.

All of a sudden, my shoulder is hit. It was a pretty hard smack and my body jolted to the side as Mitch grabbed me from falling.

“Look a bunch of homos.” I look up and realize that it's some assholes from our school.

Duke Jones and Mark Dalton. Some of the few people who actually try to be douchebags on the regular.

My eyes do heavy eye rolls and I want to scream at them but I've never been a confronting person. My voice is in my throat but Mitch takes a step forward, his hand never leaving my arm.

“And what of it? Really dudes? You think some lame insult is gonna hurt our feelings. You’re lucky I don’t just kick your ass, better enough I can call Buttercup in a second and have your bodies all the way across this place. Grow the fuck up and maybe don’t choke on your toxic masculanity.” He sneered and sometimes I forget that Mitch can be pretty intimidating.

Their eyes widened as Mitch pulled out his phone to show BC’s number. They mutter something before turning and rushing off in a hurry.

“You okay?” He asks me.

“Yeah.” I say. “Sorry you got caught in that.”

“It's not a big deal.”

But it is. It's not a secret that I'm out and proud. Yeah its cool and all to not have to be closeted, even Princess came out last year so its nice to know that someone higher up won’t pick on me, but even then, it sucks. No matter where I go in life, someone will be there with a flame thrower of slurs or anger for something I didn’t choose. As for Mitch, theres something about him being called gay and him not having a hissy fit about it that makes me feel safe. Uhh fuck.

I take a second to recollect myself and Mitch just pulls me from the herds of eyes that saw that fiasco.

“Lets go here.” He points to the hall of mirrors and for some reason it's beginning to get extremely hard to be around him.

But I take a deep breath and push those feelings to the side once again.

--

The hall of mirrors was by far the lamest thing the fair could have done. Sure, as a little kid it was cool and slightly scary but now, all of our heads could see just above the tips of the mirrors making it lose the effect. It probably would have been more fun if the others were there. Butch would hide behind the mirros trying to scare us before Buttercup sent some lasers his way causing them to bounce everywhere and making us duck and cover. Good times. However, it was just Mitch and me.

While Mitch was walking, I couldn’t stop thinking about those jerks just now. Of course everyone already knew about my preference but Mitch seemed unbothered by being referred to as gay. Probably because he's not some asshole that thinks it's a bad thing, I mean if he did, why would he be friends with me for all this time? He’s just a good person, that's all.

Not to sound like the coming of age kid, but I knew I was into dudes before I could comprehend the idea of love or romance, I just thought they were pretty to look at. Moving to a new city at such a young age was hard for me, not to mention the whole invisible friend that tried to kill everyone. But after everything was said and done, I did in fact make some friends.

The famous superheroes had become my pals and when Buttercup introduced me to Mitch, I think that's when it all went downhill. We became the dynamic duo and everyone always paired us as the best friends, which is true but...it makes me feel guilty.

He turned a corner and I stopped walking. All of a sudden I was lost and staring at a mirror. Just me in my beat up sneakers and the uncertain face I seem to be wearing a lot lately. There's always a time in your life where you stop and contemplate everything, question all your decisions and how nothing truly matters.

“Hey you stopped walking?” Mitch said to me and I looked at him with a shaky smile.

“Sorry. Lost in thought I guess.”

“Care to share?” He asked and leaned against one of the mirrors.

I laughed to myself thinking about what I could possibly say. “Yeah sure Mitch, why don’t I just tell you that I’m in love with you and how it pains me to wake up to know that you will only see me as just a friend. Why don’t I just rip out my heart and put it on a silver platter for you to squash or just confess and kiss you here, ignoring all the states and hopefully pissing off some people?”

“...What?”

My eyes shot open and my eyes met his. He looked at me with confusion and shock. His mouth hung open slightly and it took me a solid three seconds to relaize that my dumb ass had just blurted that all out.

Panic. That's all I could feel as he stared like a deer caught in headlights. I could feel myself on the verge of tears and suddenly the air was too thick as I turned and ran, not caring about the employee telling me I was going the wrong way.

Mitch’s voice echoed behind me but I couldn’t stand to turn and look towards him. To hear the pure rejection and probably the disgust. Throwing away years of friendship for some stupid feelings? What was I thinking?

After nearly hitting my head several times, I made it out and ignored the weird stares and glances people were giving me. All I wanted to do was find Butch and get out of here and hope that I can just pack up and move away for college. Maybe even change my name.

Instead I found myself pushing my way into the bathroom stall and biting my arm to stifle my sobs. I felt like my heart was about to shatter, that all my nightmares where coming true all thanks to my stupid mouth. I was a fool to think that someone like him would even consider me as something more, a complete and utter fool.

“Mike?” A voice called and of course the sneakers peaking outside the stall belonged to Butch.

“What?” I spat bitterly. “Go away.”

I barely heard his sigh. “Dude, I don’t know what happened but suddenly Buttercup saw you burst into here. Really dude, is everything fine? At least come out and talk to us. Plus it smells really bad in here and there's a line of dudes.”

There's some truth to the matter and I wiped my face and pushed open the stall with a little too much force but luckily he grabbed it and just nodded towards the exit.

Robin and Buttercup are standing outside and luckily, I don’t see Mitch.

“Wanna explain what happened?” Robin asks as she hands me a tissue from her purse.

“No. I just wanna go home.”

Buttercup looks arounds then back to me. “Where's Mitch.”

“Probably somewhere and never wants to see me again.” I mumble.

“What?” She asks and looks towards Butch then back to me.

Butch raised his brow. “Mike, did you tell him?”

“Tell him what?” Buttercup asked.

It was at that moment that Buttercup didn’t know that I was practically in love with her best friend. Maybe Robin and Butch planned this together but it didn’t matter, not anymore. I would be losing two friends after this. Great.

“Look. It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t feel the same way.” My throat is dry and it hurts and there's no doubt that my face is red and flushed with tears. “I'm just gonna call my mom to come get me.”

“Come on Mike don’t go.” Robin asked and she padded my arm.

“You don’t get it, Robin.” I spat. “You don’t understand what I just did. Thanks to someone’s dumb idea, I now lost my best friend. And for what? Did we really think he would like me back? That he could even see me in such a way? I don’t even know if he’s gay or let alone into dudes. But who gives fuck? I don’t.”

Butch took a step towards me but my anger only rose. “C’mon Mike I'm sure-”

“This was a stupid idea Butch!” I yelled and at that moment I didn’t care what anyone thought. I was embarrassed and hurt. “I just want to be alone.” I pushed past him and the others, ignoring everything they were saying because it didn’t matter any more.

It didn’t matter that my friends tried to help something that shouldn’t have even been considered. It was just a stupid crush. Nothing more, nothing less. Hopefully by the new semester, it would be gone and out of my system…. hopefully. A stupid crush that I’d been harboring for years and titling on a scale of something more.

It wasn’t long until my tears dried and I found myself among the section of carnival games. All of the rigged and hard to win and if you did win, it would be a small sappy prize that you would toss into a garbage bag or try to sell for a nickel at a garage sale.

There were darts and guessing the weight of a small pig. The basketball tossing and hitting the giant hammer looked tempting but instead I walked to the game that no one had ever won. Ring toss. A game of chance and so incredibly rigged, it's a miracle if one prize is won in a year.

Without a second thought, I gave up a fresh twenty dollar bill and the girl working, who clearly hated her job, handed me the biggest bucket of rings. Enough to keep me entertained until I call my mom or muster up enough courage to ask Butch for a ride back like a dog with its tail inbetween its legs.

I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I could be okay with this. But I was stupid. Stupid to think that the boy I had a crush on, one of my best friends, would like me back, or even be into dudes for that matter. But no, instead of having my secret crush kept, ya know, a secret, the one person who shouldn’t know, did.

I tossed another ring into the sea of bottles, the high pitched clinking echoed for just a moment as another was tossed. Maybe this was pointless. Maybe trying to figure out feelings was a waste of time because in all honesty, I never knew.

Like the plastic rings people pay way too much for, you jump and you think you’ll land on that bottle, secure the prize and show everyone up. Prove that you can do the impossible.

But then you miss and reality comes back. The bucket dwindles down and soon you’re left with nothing but regret for trying and shorting eight bucks.

“Hey.”

I turned, of course he would follow me. Why wouldn’t he? He was probably here just to tell me to let it go and sweep it under the rug, and say it's not weird when it totally is. Or he was going to come out and say that maybe our friendship has come to its expiration date.

“Oh. Hey.” I threw another one, missing again.

I tried not to care as he stood next to me but I passed him the bucket and he took his own shot, missing, just like me.

“Have you been crying?” He asked and there was no way around it.

“Yep.” I popped the p and threw another ring. “Look Mitch, I’m sorry what I said-”

“Don’t be.”.

Oh

“Most guys would just push someone like me away if that happened.”

He hummed and tossed a ring, missing. “Well, I’m not like most guys and I thought that was pretty clear. Especially after those jerks. I value your friendship too much to get worried or upset.”

I looked over at him, and that in itself was a mistake, because it would be just my luck that the other carnival games with their bright flashing lights would surround him and make it seem like he was glowing. The lights soften his features, a small twinkle on the black orb of his earring and making those very so light freckles appear.

Almost like a painting hung up in a museum. You think the trip is boring, and for the most part it is. A few interesting things here and there but just as you are about to leave, you find a room you hadn’t explored. It could be nothing and you could leave, forgetting everything in the last three hours and moving on with your life.

Or it could be life changing. As if when you walked in there, the most captivating painting was on that wall and you wonder how you skipped it in the first place. You stare at it, taking in the picture itself and the meaning. Stepping closer and looking at the paint strokes, the time taken to make this is clear and it's full of questions and mystery. The small plaque on the wall fails to answer.

He picked up the last ring. It twirled in his fingertips unsure of where to go.

“I kept thinking, you know.” He said. “I remember watching a show, a random cartoon and an ad for a pride festival popped up. I thought nothing of it, didn’t know what it meant at the time but my father did. He was outraged and changed the channel, screamed and shouted saying that if his son ever was caught doing something like that…” Mitch paused and closed his palm.

I could see the hurt in his eyes as he sighed.

“Then he would have no son. So when I found out what it all meant and learned about myself....I thought it would be best to never act on it. No matter how much I wanted to look towards another guy, I couldn’t.”

“I’m sorry Mitch, I didn’t know.” And it was the truth. I wanted to mentally slap myself for not realizing that he was, in fact, gay as well. Way to go Mike, your gay-dar is broken. But then again, you can’t just tell a sexuality clear as day. I can’t blame him for hiding it, after everything with his dad.

He sighed again. “But when you told me that. Told me you wanted me, I think I started to realize that I would rather have something I want no matter what others think of me. I envy how you can just come out and be proud, as you should, but I wish I was that brave instead of a coward.”

“Mitch.” I slid my hand on top of his cautiously. He didn’t flinch or have any indication of pulling away. “I’m scared every day. Scared that someone might yell something offensive or even try to hurt me. Just like those assholes did earlier.But I can’t stop those things from happening but I can choose to not let them affect me. It's hard but you know you’re surrounded by people who care about you. Plus your best friend is an actual superhero.”

“I know, I’m sorry. You probably don’t want to date such a fuck up like me.”

Fuck up? Did this boy really think that?

“I would never see you as that.” I said honestly. “It's normal for us to have conflicting feelings when someone in our life isn't supportive. It's never gonna be a walk in the park or smooth sailing but when you're with someone who cares about you, it makes it easier.”

He sighed for the hundredth time. It was clear the gears in his mind were running at full steam and he looked at the ring in his hand then to the bottles.

“I guess you’re right Mike. I guess I was thrown off that the dude I've liked since kindergarten likes me back.” He looked towards me and tossed the ring, not bothering to pay attention. “I just hope you haven't changed you mind-”

The next thing I know, my hand is tugging on his worn leather collar and his lips are pressed to mine.

I never thought that my first kiss would be as enchanting as this. You always think it's magical and fulfilling but in reality it's probably a mess of lips that don’t move quite as well and somehow there's a tongue doing whatever it wants. I guess I can’t count this as my first kiss because Robin had peaked me on the lips in third grade, also giving me the clear sexual awakening of how I never want another woman to come near me again, but this was different.

He tasted like cotton candy which I should find gross and oddly weird but I didn’t mind one bit. At the beginning there was a bit of hesitation, or maybe he was caught off guard since I did interrupt him but I couldn’t help myself. Stupid hormones. He wasted no time kissing me back and I even felt a hand on my waist pulling towards him. Although it lasted only a few mere seconds, it was like a lifetime of waiting had lifted.

When we pulled apart, loud speakers and alarms went off above us. I looked towards the game, I noticed one single plastic ring was stuck on the bottle. The worker smiled at us before nodding.

“Wow, I can’t believe you made it, especially without looking.” She said and I looked to Mitch who just shrugged.

“What? You kissed me, I just threw it.” He smiled brightly and I hugged him.

“So what will it be?” I asked him and he turned towards the prizes.

“Well, what about that dinosaur?”

“I love dinosaurs.”

Mitch smiled. “I know.”

The worker used a ladder to climb and retrieve the massive blue dinosaur prize. As a kid, i used to dream of winning such a cool thing but know, I think I got something better. Mitch handed it to me with a blush and I looked at it with just as much pink on my cheeks.

“Ya know.” Mitch started. “I have enough tickets for one last ride. Maybe the ferris wheel?”

“That sounds good.” He reached out his hand and I took it. Before I could blink, I felt his lips press against my cheek.

“I don’t like to see you cry.” He said.

I simply hummed and we walked hand in hand to the ferris wheel before deciding to give the prize to some kids. He handed the tickets to the worker as we climbed into the cart and began to go up. He threw his arm over my shoulder like he did on the rollercoaster, but this time, I leaned against him and let those emotions I tried to keep at bay, run wild.

“I’m really glad Butch dragged me here.” I said honestly and Mitch only laughed and silenced me with his lips pressed against mine.

“Me too.”

When we pulled apart, a few questions still lingered in my mind.

“You mean, you’ve liked me this entire time? And you knew I was gay?” I asked hesitantly. It wasn’t a secret, the last part at least.

He scratched the back of his neck, a nervous tick he's had since he was little. “I mean I wasn’t hundred percent sure, I thought maybe it was a one time thing or just happened occasionally. But as we got older, more specifically high school, I think that's when it hit me.” He sighed. “All I knew was that I wanted to be with you until my heart stopped racing.”

His eyes met mine. I’ve always hated when people didn’t see the beauty in brown eyes. They think they are dull and lifeless, only one hue but that's far from the truth. Mitch’s eyes had spots of gold and a slight tint of green, breathtaking to say the least.

“I mean it’s a shame we spent our high school years just as friends.” My hand went on top of his. “But I’d rather have you as my friend instead of losing you so I understand. But what about your dad? Will be okay with us dating-or well I assume we should-”

“I don’t care about his opinion of us. Plus we would be idiots not to date at this point. If he doesn’t accept. That's his loss not mine.” His gaze went to the sky where a firework exploded.

The colors lit up in the sky and we realized we got lucky as our cart stopped at the very top. It felt unreal to be sitting next to my best friend and now, boyfriend. There's always moments in your life that you feel like were meant to be. Maybe it's the career you chose or the person you marry. Milestones that are already set in stone and fate just happens to bring you together, all that stuff. And as I looked at him through heavy lashes I thought that maybe, just maybe, the stars aligned on this one.

That or I would have to admit that Butch is the king of romance, even though he did literally nothing today and this was all me. Either way, Mikey boy’s got a man.

--

I hope you enjoyed love!!

#Mitch x mike #mike x Mitch ppg #ppg #ppg fic #fanfic commissions

[awellboiledicicle]

I want to clarify that i’m not surprised the world is on fire right now. 

Like, literal fire and not just... [gestures to 2020]

Because it happens every year. It gets worse, every year. Partially because of climate change--ok a lot bc of climate change--but also partially because people get used to it. 

It’s not “oh sometimes there’s a fire in summer” its “Oh it’s warm, fire season’s here. Better check if i need to wear a mask so i don’t inhale dust and have that kicking around in my veins. Woop, time to put the sprinkler on the roof because its windy as hell and there’s a fire visible. Gonna call that in real quick... now, what’s on tv?”

Like if you live in places that burn easy, or places that are becoming like that, you get used to the scratch of ash in your lungs in the morning. You get used to wiping said ash off your car because you got shit to do and unless the sherriff or local FD ring you up and say get out, you’re just gonna have to deal. Everyone who physically can leave on short notice has a fire plan, or should. Its sort of an unspoken “yeah this happens” that just... 

People are so used to hell breaking loose that they don’t tell people new to the area unless it gets brought up. And it will probably only get brought up when a burn ban happens and someone from like new york has to process that yes, your bonfire WILL spread if you don’t make a pit/don’t watch for embers, and yes you will be why someone loses their home and possibly their life. 

This is such a fact of life out here that indifference is the default. It cannot be the default. 

Even if covid19 didn’t happen, we’d still be seeing the spike in homeless and elderly people succumbing to heat stroke and smoke inhalation. Because trust me, if you live out here and haven’t thought about getting a mask for the smoke, you’re already well aware of how shitty you feel after going outside in summer. And people still don’t take THAT seriously, even when standing outside gets you a layer of ash. We’re seeing people getting dehydrated and having heatstroke because they don’t account for how godawful hot it gets, or how hard the sun hits here.  And people assume thats normal. Just because its common, we can’t let people view this as ok. 

There are always going to be people who will fight a fire to protect their family, their community. There are always brave people willing to do that, because humans generally like to not roast to death if we can help it. But there’s not always enough people where they’re needed, and if there’s a need there needs to be pay so people can feel okay taking off from work to go keep people safe. Pay periods have been getting worse over the last decade, not to mention the reliance on prison crews---which are a whole different kettle of fish labeled slavery and being blocked from later employment-- means there isn’t that security. So people stay home, so fires don’t get fought or they get fought by fewer people over longer hours. Which leads to 18 hour days in heavy gear, in situations you can very much die in, with 4 hours free to eat, sleep, and take a piss. Maybe. This leads to accidents, and general shitty working conditions, and things get even more dangerous. Sickness in the camp--because they bring together hundreds of people into a small area--is a common issue, and with covid everyone sits there for 2 weeks if they can to get paid, then track it home or they’ve tracked it from home and go down on the fireline. 

The mismanagement of not only the land in this country--and im limiting my scope here, because this is what i know--has been happening for a long time. This has been decades in the making, and its only going to get worse.

Because in real life, fire season isn’t a one and done where the heroic firefighters put down the blaze and go home. 

The fire season comes, people risk their lives for a paycheck they can’t really 100% trust will come. The burn scars are open to erosion, and if you get a lot of rain--which is common in high fire danger areas because big rain leads to rapid plant growth which then dies and leaves fuel-- you then get mudslides. Even without a lot of rain, you can get landslides because the roots of everything growing there have died. You end up with flooding because theres nothing else absorbing rainwater, so the ground gets saturated faster. Then the abundance of water means more growth that gets cut off once the water dries, which means a bumper crop of fuel. Which means worse fires. 

Unlike in a movie, or the sort of apathy induced assumption that it just happens and stops, these things compound.

I haven’t been surprised about these things for almost two decades. Part of this is because i’ve had to personally help my parents out of what they wore to a fire because they were fighting for 20 hours and physically can’t take their own boots off. I’ve watched kids while their parents were on firelines for days, sleeping in the cabs of engines because the 20 min nap where they could be back on the line sooner was better than taking the resources to leave. I’ve sheltered people in my house as we watched fire take over the nearby mountains, and had meetings on evacuation plans. 

I have the privilege of information, and therefore i have the privilege to know how much is just not possible to know without a concentrated effort to know. 

This country, and honestly the world but i don’t have that kind of reach, needs to do better in a lot of things. But one that would be painfully easy would be awareness campaigns. Send people out to thin brush and trim back tree limbs so its harder for a fire to spread through branches. Better funding for departments and a more united front on how to respond to fires. 

I just wanted to clarify, because the nature of informative posts can occasionally lead to discontent being read as a reaction to new information instead of a continued disquiet. Fancy shit aside, i know shits fucked and it hurts knowing that shits fucked. Because there are steps that could be taken but they’re not because money and also because that would mean admitting people need help and god knows people in charge don’t want to hear that. 

I’m tired and i’m positive there are legions of people much more fed up with this shit.  Stay safe and watch out for one another 

#mok rant #idk man #wildfires #long post

[autisticmob]

HELLO everyone i am now ten days out from my tiddy surgery so i think while everything is still fresh-ish in my mind I should get a rough timeline of how things went for me, just so anyone having similar stuff done in the future can have it as reference?? 

so under the cut is how shit went down, warning we are gonna be tmi about it for Max Information Dissemination, i will be talking about IV placement, Needles, Bleeding, Bruising, Bathroom Stuff In General, etc. so like. Be Warned.

OKAY SO what did i have done and how did i get it:

- i got a bilateral breast reduction with a “T,” “keyhole,” or “anchor-shaped” incision. this procedure, unlike double-incision top surgery, does not detach your nipples at all, but it DOES leave a decent hunk of breast tissue behind to avoid the nip graft. this connecting tissue keeps your nip attached and supplied with enough blood to survive. that means with this one, theres basically a limit to how much they can take off, and it depends on how big you are to start off with. 

- i went with the T-incisions because as a NB person, I wanted to sidestep the “gender-confirming surgery” route with my insurance. technically, I believe it would have been covered if i had gone through the process of talking to a therapist and getting a note that the surgery WOULD help confirm my gender, but i suspect it would have taken much longer, and I was afraid that my doctor and community resources would not have ended up approving me FOR the surgery since I don’t exactly fit the typical trans narrative. and luckily for me i had Massive, Spine-Bending G Cup Tiddies to contend with. so every doc that took a look at me said “yeah, you need those taken care of for medical reasons.” so i thought hey, let’s see how far this will get me!

- i talked to my primary care doc about my back pain and mentioned i’d like to look into a breast reduction, and she referred me to a local surgeon who could do the procedure. at the time i was still entertaining the idea of double-incision, but as it turned out, this surgeon just didnt do that. but i knew for certain my insurance would cover him, his results were good, and he was local, so i said yes to the T-incisions, which he said would likely get me down from a G to at least a C. it wasnt my ideal scenario admittedly, but frankly the back pain was getting to be too much, and i needed it to be addressed sooner rather than later.

- i had a consultation with the surgeon in early december, and they took pictures and measurements to send to my insurance so they could confirm the tits WERE in fact Too Bomb To Live. Doc said that it varies between insurance companies, but most will have a minimum amount of tissue that needs to be taken off, in grams, from each breast. he was like, “your insurance needs at least 1000g total removed, which’ll leave you on the small side, is that cool?” and i was like “My Man, take AS MUCH as you possibly can, im sick of these” and he was like “cool, makes my job easy then.” 

- it took my insurance like 1.5 to 2 months to get back to me, but late january the surgery place called me and we set a date for february 5th, 2020!!

PRE-OP:

- before i went into surgery, the hospital made me go over my medical history with them over the phone, informed me of all the risks, and gave me a special scrub kit to shower with at home for the last 2 days before the surgery

- fun fact this soap will make your whole bathroom and body smell strongly and exactly like a hospital and it is gross as hell if you hate hospital smell

- i also had to go to my primary care doc to get the OK that i was healthy enough to go under general anesthesia, and also get some blood tests and a urinalysis done. i fucked up the urinalysis tho (which is a whole other story) so i had to redo that the morning of the surgery when i got to the hospital anyway. 

- when i scheduled my surgery they also gave me a list of things i had to NOT DO before i went in. this included stuff like avoiding herbal medications and non-prescription supplements and not drinking any alcohol for like 2 weeks prior to surgery, and not eating anything after midnight the night before surgery.

- then it was SURGERY DAY!!!

- i went in with uhhh a LOT of anxiety about what everything would entail, ngl. i knew i had to do it because staring down the barrel of life with tiddies forever was way scarier than surgery, but yknow whenever you go under general anesthesia they legally do have to let you know that you could die and thats just a lot to consider, PLUS the whole thing involves just, really mangling your torso so like. its a lot! its okay to be scared!

- both my parents went with me for moral support which i appreciated a lot, but i didnt actually see them much since they had to spend a lot of it in the waiting room.

- when i went back with the doc they had me Wash The Tiddy Off with some antiseptic and change into a gown. i got some grippy socks out of the deal which is probably not a universal experience, but this hospital did it so shoutout to them for the socks i guess

- then they asked me all my medical history stuff again and checked me for any like, rashes or open sores or anything. i had some Tit Zits but they did not seem to be worried about that.

- then the surgeon came in and drew lines on me for the incisions. bro when i saw how high up my nips were gonna be i was losing my damn mind. this is one of the really exciting parts, because you finally get to really visualize what your end size is gonna be!! 

- once he was satisfied with how everything looked, they started really Prepping Me For Surgery.

- they hooked me up to a blood pressure cuff, a heart monitor, and some compression leg thingies that would inflate and deflate intermittently around my calves to help me not get blood clots. this felt weird but tbh also like kind of a nice massage

- then the iv placement. bro im not lying when i tell you this is the worst part. the nurse numbed me with some lidocaine before placing the needle and let me tell you that shit HURTED. lidocaine Stings and Burns when it hits and this was arguably the most painful part. but the good news about that is it means nothing else after that is all that bad. and i got THREE lidocaine shots because these two nurses could NOT find my blood anywhere. they finally called in their ringer (an EMT named kirk, s/o to kirk) who got that sucker in my arm with NO numbing and NO pain in like, 2 fucking seconds. i pray you all have a kirk. kirk knows where your fucking blood is and hes not gonna fuck around getting to it because he JUST wrestled a drunk dude into an ambulance like an hour ago and compared to that this is nothing. kirk had sleeveless scrubs. im obsessed. anyway.

- then they put a plastic, inflatable, heated blanket over me? it was between two regular blankets so it wasnt as uncomfortable as you might imagine, but it was strange. warm tho so that was nice.

- THEN they wheeled my bed down to surgery. i was having so much anxiety at this point it was like... dreamlike. getting wheeled into the OR was just surreal. i was like, no thoughts head empty, just taking everything in.

- once i got there the surgical team was very cool about keeping me calm tho. they were playing their like, pump-up music and one of the guys was like “hey fyi about halfway thru the surgery we will be turning the lights off and having a rave, just in the interest of full disclosure. promise not to leave any glowsticks in there tho” and i was like what no i would LOVE glowstick tiddies

- i had to kinda roll from my bed onto the operating table, which was significantly harder and smaller. that kinda made things feel real, so i got a little more anxious at that point.

- to help me calm down they had me breathe in some straightup oxygen thru a mask while they hooked my iv to the fluids and such, and the guy was like “WHOA you got some lungs on you dude” and i was like yeah thanks im recovering from hyperventilating

- then they let the anesthesia into the iv, letting me know the whole time what was happening, talking to me until i was just OUT, which was not a lot of conversation time because i was out in like 5 seconds or less. they didnt make me count down or anything, but i promise you it was nigh instantaneous.

POST OP

- it really was instantaneous. i know everyone says that but it really is the truth, it feels like the whole thing takes seconds. like one moment youre laying there in the OR feeling the drugs Hit, and the next youre waking up in the little wake-up room feelin kinda groggy with a nurse talking to you, and youre still druggy so youre just rambling to her about how fucked your voice sounds right now and as soon as shes contented that youre basically lucid they start wheeling you to your room where youll ACTUALLY stay while you recover.

- THE THING I WAS THE LEAST PREPARED FOR WAS MY THROAT

- your throat will Hurt afterwards, but even more than that, you will be producing So Much Mucus. my surgery took about 2 hours and during that time, all my muscles were paralyzed by the anesthesia, including my lungs, so i was on a breathing tube. my throat, understandably, hated this, and started producing Gallons Of Fucking Mucus to protect itself. it then continued to do this for the next two days or so. the nurses were encouraging me to breathe deep and cough Hard to combat this, and avoid getting pneumonia, so i did. but THAT hurt the tiddies. it was really a vicious cycle. but its necessary because god if i had to have pneumonia on top of all the other recovery shit?? god. 0/10 wouldnt recommend. so it might hurt but dont worry your tiddies wont bust open or anything.

- i spent basically the rest of the day still hooked up to all the machines i listed earlier, PLUS a thing that would beep at me if my heart rate went too high, which it did a lot because i have anxiety, but luckily the nurses didnt seem too concerned. it really kept my breathing on track though because if i didnt breathe deep enough my heart would shoot up super fast and it’d beep and god that was just annoying and im pretty sure that was The Point. you kinda have to get used to breathing again, and the beeping trained me.

- they gave me like a bunch of crackers and a huge mug of water to work on at my leisure. i actually had lunch pretty quick after waking up? i know a lot of people have nausea issues from anesthesia but i didnt experience any of that. i DID move like a fucking sloth while i was eating tho. the pain meds and general grogginess of recovery slowed my whole body down sooooo much. my mom was actually like “are you okay??? like neurologically??????” and i was, totally, i was just. on slo-mo.

- anyway i didnt have to get catheterized for this procedure thankfully but they DID make me measure my pee every time i went to the bathroom. like i had to pee in a little bucket attached to the toilet and the nurse had to come check it every time and i felt really weird about that. so idk just be prepared for that i guess lmao

- also idk if it was the pain meds or the anesthesia itself but post-op, i couldnt shit for like a week. the constipation is real so get u some fucking laxatives asap when you get home, this is not a joke lmao

- they also had me put on a belt every time i got up so the nurse could hold onto me in case i decided to fucking biff it. they got me up a couple times throughout the day/night to walk up and down the hallway outside and get my body used to being upright again

- oh speaking of i never got to lie down completely flat, they had my bed locked at like a 30 degree angle minimum to help with... something. im not quite sure what, but im not gonna question it

- when i got up the next morning they had a couple nurses come in and help me un-bandage so i could shower and finally look at what the tiddies looked like for the first time!! and it was exciting but i didnt cry like i expected lmao i think i was too drained and too distracted by the bleeding

- the bleeding wasnt too bad actually, just little beads kinda coming out of parts of the incisions between the stitches. but once i got in the shower obviously stuff started getting diluted in the water and it looked like a lot more than there actually was, so dont be alarmed by that! 

- SHOWERING: its a little complicated. youre not supposed to soak the incisions, and youre not supposed to apply direct water pressure or actually touch them at this point. so what i had to do was get a washcloth wet and soapy (with antibacterial soap, i think it was hand soap honestly. hand soap’s what ive been using at home so........) and then just kinda. squeeze it at your collarbone and let it drip down over everything kinda minimally. its kind of a process but it works fine. washing your hair and like, tbh literally everything else is gonna be hard. reaching over your head is hard and scary at this point. i will admit my hair care Suffered the first week. 

- then i got bandaged back up and they got me back into my own clothes and ready to go home! they also put a bra on me over the bandages in my new size. i was only there for about 24 hours total, since i didnt really have any complications. 

- on the ride home i had to make sure the cross-chest part of the seat belt was NOT touching me. if whoevers driving you hits a pothole, your soul WILL exit your body tits-first for a moment. im sorry if you live somewhere like here in nebraska where the roads are garbage but its not gonna be fun.

ONCE YOU’RE HOME!!

- i live at home with my mom and sister and if you live alone, id try to have a friend basically move in for the first week. you will need Help with things. basic things. you’ll mostly want to sleep because of the pain meds but those made me pretty dizzy so it was cool having my mom around in case i like. fell on the way to the bathroom and died or anything like that.

- changing bandages is really kind of a 2-person affair too, and youll have to do it at least once a day post-shower, so keep that in mind. 

- the bleeding is like, not that bad after that first day honestly. i never had to change the bandages more than just the once per day. 

- basically from here the procedure is just to take it easy, get up every few hours and walk around a little to keep the blood clots at bay, and enjoy yr new silhouette basically

- worst thing about recovery honestly? im a stomach/side sleeper, and i cant manage anything other than laying flat on my back with my arms at my sides right now, and thats just like.... idk i really cant sleep like that. its not comfy. ive had to set up kind of a pillow fort around me to keep me from rolling over in my sleep bc im afraid i might hurt myself accidentally like that, but idk how well-founded that fear is.

- i will say as someone who did have back problems before this, the difference is IMMEDIATE. i literally had better posture like Day 1. im still a little hunched over because the stitches create a bit of tension in your chest, but like literally it was instantaneous. god. once i got healed to a point that i could like, kinda relax and not be so fucking tense all the time? back pain has basically just been GONE. 

- other fun things to notice: i had some pretty significant stretch marks before, and now they are running in a completely different direction. i crossed my arms over my chest the other day and they actually touched my torso for the first time in like, well over a decade. if i close my eyes and try to grab my tiddy from muscle memory, i stop like a full 3 inches from where my tit actually starts now. the size i am now, just like, freeballing it? this is how i looked when i wore a binder before. if i wore a binder now i imagine id be completely flat, and honestly if i layer up at this point you cant really tell that i have anything more than the average chubby dude’s moobs, which as a kinda chubby person is totally fine. 

its a trip relearning what i look like and what im supposed to feel like but its just. such a fucking improvement over where i was. absolutely no regrets, regardless of how hard recovery has felt at times. anyway i hope this information is at least interesting and maybe helpful to anybody considering anything similar!!

#words #top surgery #breast reduction #info post #again yall lemme know if you have questions abt anything i didnt cover here i tried to hit all my bases but u never know #teat yeet

[zoeygreensimblr]

Tied Together with a Smile (Episode 18)

"My head feels like it's going to explode" I greet Angus with in the Kitchen Saturday morning and he offers me his blended hang over cure, it's green, it's nasty but it works.

"Next time you need to eat more and not drink on an empty stomach" He kisses my forehead.

"I'm sorry I ruined your night and made you leave early" Guilt riddled me

"Baby you didn't ruin my night, you made my night fun, I love dancing with you and I was glad we left early, we were up at 5am remember"

"But you had to take care of me and you didn't get talk to Caleb" I protest

"I talk to Caleb often and having us there was enough for him, as for taking care of you, it wasn't an issue, you were having fun, I like seeing you have fun" He assures me

"It was fun, I love their music, can we go again?" I ask

"Of course we can Princess"he strokes my cheek, "How are you feeling now?

"My hangover is lifting but I'm a bit hungry"

"Bacon and eggs at the cafe on the corner will cure that, shower first then we eat" He leads me to the bathroom, helps me undress and turns the water on.

"Are you joining me?" I ask him, he smiles and removes his boxers. We climb into the shower together, he reaches for the loofa behind me, squeezes some strawberry body wash on it and begins massaging it into my skin.

"Zoey?"

"Hmm?"

"Why did you ask me if I only love you?"

"Drunk ramblings"

"Ok but if Ive done something to make you feel insecure then you can tell me. Theres only you Zoey" He looks me in the eyes when he says it, sober me is angry at drunk, insecure me for bringing it up.

'What are we doing today?" I ask in an attempt to change the subject

"I was thinking we could just do a lazy day here, read books, order lunch, play a little, you're going to put that red skirt back on" He details and I smile

"Im halfway through The Seduction by the Sea" I tell him, he smiles because he knows I've read some pretty dirty writing and I blush.

"So we should visit the lighthouse one night?" He suggests, smile spreading across his face

"Have you, ever, done that, at the lighthouse before?" I ask shyly

"No baby but I like being by the water, you know you can stay there overnight, they have rooms you can book, I'd like to stay there with you one night so we can hear the water crash against the lighthouse" He explains

"You make it sound sexy and not at all dirty"

"It will be sexy and not at all dirty" He promises, "Finish the book, it's more than just sex"

After breakfast we come back to the apartment, it's an unusually warm, sunny, winters day.

"Grab your book, we will sit in the garden and read" He tells me, I grab the book and meet him outside, we take our seats on sun loungers and just happily read.

"I like the captain, he reminds me of you"I announce to him and he laughs

"How so?"

"He's sweet and loving and kind but he's been hurt"

"But she repairs him, she loves him"

"You're my captain" I tell him

"Always your captain" He promises

"I love your garden, I like the serenity out here, so quiet, I can see why you come out here in the mornings" I tell him

"I like to come out here, do sit ups, crunches, read, spend time with my fruit trees, you know, normal guy stuff" He laughs

"So that's why I always wake up alone, you leave me for your books and trees"

"Zoey you sleep til 10, I'm awake at 5am every morning"

"Sorry"

"Why, I have no issue with you sleeping in, I should be apologising for leaving you there to wake up alone. I'll make you a deal, tomorrow I'll be there when you wake up" He promises and I smile, stand up and hold out my hand to him, he takes it and and uses it to pull himself up

"Where are we going Zoey?"

"Upstairs but your pants are to stay here" I demand, stopping to remove my own panties at the base of the staircase

"Are you keeping the skirt on?" He asks

"Of course"

We reach the lounge room, I lead him to the lounge

"Sit, stay" I order him and he does as I ask, I run off to the bedroom, open the drawer of the bedside table and grab protection, I return to where I left him, straddle his lap and wrap my hand around his cock and feel it come to life as I stroke.

"There's something new I want to try, I read about it in the book" I announce to him

"What would that be Princess" He asks

I slip to the floor, sitting up on my knees and take his long shaft into my mouth, he lets out a long groan and gets harder in my mouth as I work it along his shaft.

"You need to stop" He begs me and I pull away from him alarmed

"Was it bad?" I ask, ashamed

"Not at all, in fact it was amazing but I don't want to finish that way, I want to be in you" He says, pulling me off the floor and grabbing the condom I'd thrown beside him, rips it open and rolls it on, I guide him into me and feel every electric charge come to life, my skirt pushed up around my waist and I ride him hard and fast, his thumb on my clit and I feel my muscles inside me squeezing him as my orgasm builds

"I can't hold it, cum with me baby" He says through groans and I feel myself lose control but he's there to catch me as I fall into him. I open my eyes to see his beautiful smile

"I wasn't expecting that" He says

"I like that book" I tell him, smiling

"I have a whole new appreciation for that book now too" He says, kissing me

"It was ok though?" My insecurity creeping in

"Well I've got nothing to compare it to but it felt pretty awesome"

"I'm the first? Steph didn't do that?" I don't know how to feel now

"Oh fuck no, never" He laughs

"Oh" I put my head down in shame, I feel a bit dirty, he puts his fingers under my chin and lifts my head up so our eyes meet

"Steph was always about having her own needs met, I didn't get a look in, you're not like that Zoey, we work as a partnership. I never wanted to ask you to do it because I wanted you to feel comfortable, you did nothing wrong baby and I love that you did that for me" He puts me at ease, "Now lets shower and get lunch, I know I said we will order in but I loved the look of the grazing plate last night at The Stargazer, you know, the one you hardly ate from?"

"I was too busy dancing but that did look good, meats and cheeses. I love cheese" I tell him.

The Stargazer on a Saturday afternoon is completely different than the night before, it's filled with more tables and happy couples feasting. We order a grazing platter and juice. We take our drinks and find an empty sofa, away from the crowds. Our grazing plate doesn't take long to be served and I start picking at the cheese.

"You really do love cheese" He laughs at me

"I really do and it comes in so many different varieties, hard, soft, vintage, cheddar, swiss and it goes with everything too, it's the perfect food" I gush

"Blue cheese is nasty though" He says and I nod in confirmation

"Isn't this very carby though?" I ask concerned, I don't want him to go off track because of me

"Actually this is all pretty low carb, still only in moderation though but it's not as bad as you think" He tells me

"I had no idea" I'm somewhat surprised, "So we've done everything today on your list, we've read, we've played, we ate and it's only the afternoon. I've had a great lazy day with my perfect boy"

"Did you assume we are done for the day my girl? My list isn't complete yet"

"What else is there?" I ask confused

"We could watch movies, we could play some more, we could swim" He suggests, big smile flashing across his face

"Oh you're real subtle, hiding it between movies and swimming, thinking I wouldn't notice" I smile back at him

"I don't hide anything from you baby" He says and I let the words wash over me, he is hiding the fact that his ex girlfriend keeps contacting him. Silence forms between us and I continue to pick at the cheese. I feel his hand on my knee and I look up, I don't want to make things weird, we're having such a good day

"What movie will we watch?" I ask

"Something old. The Breakfast Club?" He suggests

"Yes, I love that movie." I kiss him

"I love you Zoey girl"

"I love cheese" I say, picking more from the platter, he laughs at me

"Fuck you're cute baby"

"I love you too Angus, you and cheese"

#sims4 #sims 4 discover university #simblr #simblog #sims 4 san myshuno #sims 4 cats and dogs #sims 4 get to work #sims 4 get famous #taylor swift #wickedwhims

[cisco-fics-4-all]

Sleeping All The Time

Hey everybody. It’s RJ. I’d like to say I’m back, but I’m not sure if that’s true, so I’ll settle with I’m here for now. It’s been a wacky ride, getting on my new meds, taking on more shifts at work, trying to get through the day with bitchy customers and a head full of psych meds. It’s honestly been exhausting, and I’ve been doing all I can to muster up the energy to come back, but it’s frustratingly harder than I anticipated. This little piece is a product of a long nap, and a few FOB songs to get me in the spirit. I know there are still a butt ton of requests waiting to be filled, and some asks waiting to be answered, and I’m not gonna ignore them forever. But for right now, I’m taking it one step at a time. So as a sort of...apology for all that, heres a small Cisco fic, hope you all like it.

“Cisco!” Pablo called as he bounded up the stairs, brandishing a very confused cat in his arms, “Cisco check it out, I taught Iggy a new trick! Cisco!”

“Shhhh!!!” Pablo froze, met with a scowling Francisco, the confused Iggy cat scrambling from Pablo’s arms. “Do you have no concept of an inside voice?!” Francisco demanded, gripping the tops of the banister so tightly, his knuckles were white.

Pablo eyed his doppelganger’s grip on the wood, and imagined Francisco would rather it be his neck, but was restraining himself. “S-sorry,” Pablo mumbled meekly, “I was just...I didn’t mean to-”

“Lay off him Francisco,” Cisco instructed firmly, “she’s still asleep.” Francisco did as he was told, but shot a lasting, smoldering look of warning in Pablo’s direction  before turning and dropping dejectedly on the couch. Cisco managed a small smile at his more chipper doppelganger, “what is it you wanted to show me buddy?” he asked politely, calmly, but Pablo knew Cisco, and even if he didn’t, he knew himself. All of the Cisco’s had similar nervous tells.

First was the hair tucking, whenever something was going a little sideways, you could find any Cisco with his hair down tucking it behind his ears carefully. Next was a common one, lip biting, nervous Cisco’s tended to nibble on their bottom lips, sometimes without noticing, which Cisco prime was doing right now as he looked down at Pablo. Third, and possibly less common among the four of them, but still obvious, was the pocketing. The two of them that were career engineers tended to be animated with their hands when speaking, but when they were nervous, those animated hands got tucked securely in pants pockets, probably Pablo guessed, to avoid worse habits like nail biting, or knuckle cracking. Cisco was displaying all three indicators, hair tucked, lip in his teeth, and hands snug in his jeans, and Pablo knew that a nervous Cisco was never a good sign.

“What’s wrong?” Pablo aked, ignoring the question about what he’d wanted to show his doppelganger.

Cisco seemed surprised at Pablo’s intuition at first, but then shook his head realizing it probably wasn’t too hard to piece together from his perspective. “Nothing,” he lied, shrugging his shoulders, “Francisco and I were just worried you might wake RJ.”

“Wake RJ?” Pablo repeated with a frown, “I thought she was awake, I just saw her eating cereal an hour ago.”

Cisco nodded and began to open his mouth to explain something, but Francisco butt in. “She went back to bed idiot, I didn’t realize that was such a hard concept to grasp.”

“Hey, thats enough!” Cisco snapped back, “you don’t get to treat him like garbage just because you’re worried. You know he’s not like us.”

‘Not like us’ stood out to Pablo, making his stomach turn with his own nervousness, his lip finding it’s way between his teeth. “Did you guys vibe something about RJ?” he asked softly, “something bad?”

Francisco made an exasperated noise, but kept his mouth shut. Cisco let out a weary sigh, giving his doppelganger another small smile as he shook his head, “No Pablo, we didn’t vibe something bad about RJ.” He glanced back down the hall towards RJ’s room, a place where all four of them used to congregate quite regularly, but now hardly ever saw. The twisting in Pablo’s stomach got worse, and Cisco seemed to sense it. “Come on, lets go outside for some fresh air ok?” Cisco suggested, nodding towards the back deck door, “I’ll explain it to you out there, alright?”

Pablo nodded hesitantly, climbing the last few steps he’d been stopped on, and following his doppelganger out onto the deck. The sun was bright and warm, and the sky a pretty shade of blue, with massive fluffy white clouds drifting lazily by. Normally a view like that could brighten Pablo’s day in a snap, but with all this strange secrecy about a problem Pablo had yet to know about, the view was unimportant to him. “Is RJ gonna die?” Pablo blurted out the question before he had time to stop himself, the worry in him bubbling to the surface like mentos in coke.

“What? No!” Cisco assured him quickly, “Jesus no...it’s nothing that serious,” he said the word ‘serious’, then seemed to back track and added, “ok well...it’s nothing that detrimental, I should say.”

“Cisco...” Pablo whined, tears brimming in his eyes, “I don’t want RJ to die, I don’t want her to be in pain at all, I just want her to be happy and healthy like always, I don’t want-”

“Slow down buddy,” Cisco quickly intervened, putting a hand on each of Pablo’s shoulders to steady him. “I just said she’s not gonna die, so take a breath and let that sink in before we continue, ok?”

Pablo nodded, doing as instructed while Cisco did the same. He held his breath for a count of ten, then let it out slowly, the twisting in his stomach eased only a little. “Ok tell me,” Pablo said swiftly, squeezing his eyes shut, “what’s wrong with RJ?”

He heard Cisco sigh again, felt his hands fall from his shoulders, then heard “There’s nothing wrong with her,” his eyes snapping open in a confused and accusing look at his doppelganger. “Ok well there is something wrong, but not like wrong wrong...it’s more mentally wrong than physically?” Cisco tried to explain it better, but knew he was failing, after all it was difficult to talk about someone elses’s struggle, you weren’t in their place, you didn’t know the extent of it. Cisco took in another breath, “Ok look, you know what depression is, right?” he asked, hoping Pablo wasn’t as much of a Disney prince as he seemed, and was familiar with the concept of such all consuming negative feelings.

Pablo frowned as if trying to do a particularly hard math problem in his head, “Yes…?” he replied slowly, “I mean...sort of...that’s the thing that you have because...well because of...umm,” He glanced sideways nervously, then whispered the name he wasn’t sure Cisco wanted to hear, “Dante.”

To Pablo’s surprise, Cisco smiled, even while nodding in the affirmative that Pablo was right. “Yeah ok, I do have it, and some of it is from losing Dante, but there’s other parts to it as well,” he nodded to the chairs positioned around the deck table, taking a seat himself.“The important part is that you know what it is,” Cisco continued, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees as he explained, “depression is a mental illness, it’s sort of like...you remember when we had that Harry Potter marathon?” Pablo nodded, not sure how Harry Potter was involved, but listening intently to what Cisco had to say. “Ok, well it’s like being attacked by a Dementor,” Cisco went on, “all the happiness is just sorta...sucked out of you, and you just feel like nothing is worth while, and nothing is good, and nothing makes you happy, and everything makes you tired, and just-” he paused realizing he was rambling, then shook his head, “basically it sucks, and there’s no cure for it, but you can sort of wrangle it into remission with medication and stuff.”

Pablo nodded, absorbing all of this information, and applying it to RJ. “So...RJ has depression?” he asked, wanting to clarify, “that’s whats wrong with her?”

Cisco nodded, “Yup,” he replied, then sighed as he sat back, “and right now, she’s having a hard time wrangling it, so she went back to bed because...well because it seemed like the best thing to do.”

Pablo nodded, then nodded some more, looking almost like a life size bobble head until he asked, “Isn’t she on medication?”

Cisco sighed again, nodding as his eyebrows drew together. “Yeah, she’s on new medication though, and it sometimes takes a while for depression meds to work, if they work at all.” He drew his lip up between his teeth again, gazing thoughtfully into space, “That’s why Francisco is so grouchy, he wants the meds to work for RJ, but theres nothing he can do to make sure they work, and you know him, hes always got a back up plan, only theres no way to have a back up plan in this scenario, so he’s stuck waiting it out and it’s driving him up a wall...it’s driving me up a wall too.”

Pablo frowned at Cisco, watching a sadness come over Cisco’s eyes as he continued to gaze at nothing in particular. He leaned forward, placing a hand on Cisco’s knee. “She’ll be alright though,” Pablo said rather than asked, “she’s always alright in the end, so she’ll be alright this time too.”

Cisco’s eyes focused on Pablo’s face, taking in the determinedly confident little smile Pablo had. “You think so?” Cisco asked, a small smile of his own quirking his lips.

Pablo nodded, “I know so,” he assured Cisco gently, “I mean, she’s got us, so we can make sure she is.”

Cisco’s smile fell slightly, “Pablo, theres no way we can make sure she’s -” but Pablo cut him off.

“Sure there is!” Pablo declared with a wider smile, “I mean no, we can’t do anything about her medicine, but we can do it in other ways,” he was practically grinning now, “we can keep her company, make sure she eats, make sure she sleeps well, make sure she smiles every so often,” he shrugged as if he were listing the simplest tasks in the world, “she’ll be right as rain in no time!”

Cisco let out a soft chuckle at Pablo’s enthusiasm. “You really think we can help her that much?” he asked.

Pablo nodded, “Absolutely,” he replied, “it worked for you didn’t it?”

Cisco smiled at that, “Yeah...yeah I guess it did.”

Pablo smiled back, “See, we can do it, one step at a time.”

“What are you guys so smiley about?” Cisco and Pablo turned towards the door, a groggy RJ gazing down at them.

“I’m sorry darling, I told Pablo to be quieter, but you know how he is-” Francisco was apologizing behind her, but Pablo had jumped to his feet.

“RJ, you’re up!” he rushed her with a hug, “I’m sorry if I woke you, I didn’t realize you needed more rest,” he took a step back, smiling at her the whole time, “do you need anything, water, a snack? Oh, did you wanna see the new trick I taught Iggy?”

RJ blinked at him, the sun and his chipper attitude almost blinding her. “Um...I am thirsty...” she admit, managing a small little smile.

“Ok, I’ll get you some water, or did you want something else? Tea? Coffee?”

RJ smiled a little more, “Tea sounds lovely actually,” she decided, “Earl Grey with milk and honey?”

Pablo nodded, “Coming right up,” he declared. He moved past her carefully, shooting a smile at Francisco as he glared suspiciously at him.

RJ squinted out at Cisco, “Were you two talking about me?” she asked running a hand through he sleep mussed hair.

Cisco nodded, “Yes,” he told her honestly.

RJ frowned, “Nothing bad I hope?”

Cisco shook his head and smiled., “No, nothing bad.”

RJ nodded, “Ok...good.” She scratched her head again and yawned, “Sorry I’ve been sleeping so much lately, I just -”

At that Cisco stood, shaking his head, and taking her face in his hands. “You have nothing to apologize for,” he assured her earnestly, “you get all the rest you need, we’ll be here when you come back.”

RJ gave him a pouty little smile, batting her sleepy lashes at him. “You promise?”

Cisco nodded, “Promise.”

#Cisco Ramon #the Cisco quartet #cisco-fics-4-all #depression #medication #one day at a time #sorry not sorry #fall out boy rox

[lucidiasansgaster]

The Aftermath

Refuge, a place she knew was a safe place she could rest. She could only hope that Flaps was home.

Panting and, with a grunt, Lucidia was barely even able to crawl, forcing herself to move to get closer to the space. There had to be someone there, theres always someone.

"F...Flaps? Someone...? A-Anyone!"

* [The door is quick to open - and while Flaps doesn't answer, that little black and green kiddo is standing there. They look... Upset? Angry? It's clearly not at Luci, but it's present in their expression nonetheless.]

* [They rush out to help her to her feet, as far past the doorway as they're able.]

She was fighting the urge to lose her vision, struggling onto her feet with the help.

As soon as she was past the door, her legs buckled under her and she fell back to the floor, the orange flickering in her eye socket. Maybe she went a little overboard with the magic. Maybe..

* [Yeezus fam. They help her into a sitting position - their projection flickers violently and they look pained for a moment, but then it's gone and they're sitting next to her. A plate of food appears in their hands, and they offer it to her silently.]

Luci wasn't coherent for the moment, till she was sitting up. Yes good, she needed to stay awake and alert. Now that she was looking over towards them, a hint of recognition flashed on her features. An old friend.

Her gaze turned towards the plate of food and she softly nodded a silent 'thank you', already trying to eat.

* [They give a soft smile in return! a soft pat to her leg.] * { lotta shit went down, huh. you, uh.... eat up as best you can, okay? i don't think flaps is going to be back for a while. }

In a way, even if they weren't Flaps, she was relieved to see a familiar face, even in this place.

"...yes, indeed there has been." She murmured, taking a moment inbetween bites to speak. "I hope I could see him but, I understand. It is...good to see you again, Room."

* { good to see you, too. } [real soft smile.... but then they frown.] * { .... he died, you know. not... not flaps, but. } * { this whole mess, trying to save cubesy, it. really was kinda hopeless in the end. } * [oh.... are they???? they wipe at their eyes a bit,]

That...wasn't the news that she was expecting to hear.

Her grip faltered on the plate, like a heavy stone dropped within her gut. He..died? She was so focused on trying to save Eight, to repay the favor that she owed the fragment so long ago, that she hadn't been able to keep track of her friend. The news was quite unsettling and, clearly it showed. And even the scarlet red coat that she wore, given to her by him himself, was gone.

Lucidia didn't know what to say...but she was quite upset.

* [They just.... lean against her a bit.] { i'm - sorry, i should've... waited to tell you. i just. }

* { it's. i dont know. m'sorry. }

* [they're really!!! really upset, and in a good bit of pain. But they're definitely trying to not show it, as best they can.]

"...I...knew he'd done terrible things.." Lucidia whispered, trying to keep back tears welling up in her eye sockets. "But..he didn't deserve death."

Setting the plate of half-eaten food, she moved an arm around them, perhaps of comfort for the both of them. "I saved one..b...but...not the other.."

* { eight's the one who should be fucking dead. }

* [THAT NAME IS SPAT WITH ABSOLUTE VENOM..... YIKES.]

* [they lean into that hold though! they're just Angry and Hurting.]

She wasn't expecting the venom in their voice, silently swallowing back her words. She knew Eight possibly deserved it more, but the fragments, and SIX.

"...the favor I owed him was paid...I did what I had to. What I could."

* [DEFINITELY NOT THE FRAGMENTS..... Just Eight man.]

* { i... i know. i'm sorry. i just.... }

* { he went out of his way, he killed. probably thousands upon thousands of completely innocent fragments, and he's not getting anything back from that. cubesy died, and eight's off scot free for now. Protected, even. }

* [there's a BIG sniffle. they're...... definitely crying now,]

* { he was - h-he was getting better, you know??? he was Changing, and he wanted to fix all the wrongs he did, and now its just - he's just gone. he's gone and eight won and i cant - i c-c ant even trust ANY of them anymore- }

"Shhh...I know Room..I know.."

She couldn't hold back the tears now, holding Room in her arms. The poor woman was shaking even, feeling like she was to blame for this.

"I...I know that Trois was improving, I saw it myself, the times I stayed with him and Loyalty.." Loyalty, what had become of him? She feared for the worst.

* [UNLESS SHE ASKS.... they aren't even going to say. of course they know! they saw all that went down. but they don't want to upset her further.]

* [instead of talking more, they just.... start full-out sobbing into her arms. they're doing a BIG cling.]

Lucidia doesn't release them, only tightening her arms around them. Seemed like both of them were crying.

"....I'm sorry...I'm sorry I...I couldn't save him.."

* [there's a little hiccup!!! they manage to calm themselves a bit, after a minute or so.]

* { its - th-this isn t your fau lt. even..... ev en if you had gone w-with him. it's not your fau lt. }

"H...he ran..b.before I could get there. Un, I-I had to help Un.."

She shivered but, the tears didn't stop. This really hit her much harder than it should of. Luci knew fragments perished in the Void, by multiple means. This, she didn't like at all. "...Trois..called to me, asking for my help to save Eight. I-I had no choice, I owed him."

* { he.... h-he knew he was going to die. that's.. why he told you t-to help eight. }

* [they're still real shaky, but... it's starting to subside. they're just getting quiet.]

He knew? If only she could of seen him one last time..

"....even after everything, h-he..wanted me to save Eight." It still doesn't help soothe the pain in her soul.

* [they nod softly.]

* { ... i don't know. how long it'll last, though. him being safe. }

* { i don't even know if he'll try to fix things. }

Luci couldn't even think straight, the more she thought on it. In the end, there was nothing either of them could do.

"I....I don't know. I can't tell with how Eight is. Even if I came when Trois called for me..now.." She didn't want to finish it. She was once more trapped within the Void.

* [they pat....]

* { .... i'm sure you'll get back out. }

She softly nodded, lifting a hand to wipe the tears from her cheekbone. It felt...alien, to not wear the coat she had grown quite fond of.

"I...I n..need to rest. I used too much of my magic."

* [they nod quietly.]

* { do you want me to show you to a bedroom where you can get some proper sleep....? there's beds up here, or i can show you to like. a proper bedroom. up to you. }

She wasn't sure if she could trust her legs but, softly, she nodded.

"Please? I..truly thank you Room. Of anywhere in the Void, this place was the first..that came to mind for safety."

* [WELL.... they did not get an answer on WHICH, but they'll show her to the room of beds on this floor. it's just a couple feet away, after all - and it literally is. a room of beds. the entire floor is just made up of beds all connected to one another. REAL COZY.]

Luci had managed to stand and being led off to the beds, already choosing one to sleep in. It definitely was cozy.

"Thank you again. Perhaps rest will help rebuild my magic."

* { i hope so, yeah. } [weak lil smile...] { just, uh... say something if you need anything, okay? }

"Alright, I will. I do hope Flaps is alright.."

She nods, yawning before getting comfy in the bed. Before she knew it, she was out like a light.

* [goodnight.... the lights in the room click off, and they vanish the projection before the door shuts softly.]

#flapsinhands #Lucidia and Room #this is what happened after Lucidia managed to escape Eight's lab #and transported herself outside of Flaps' void space #bolded the text and such for Room to make it easier to read

[dontselloutbuyinblog]

Shocking news

Mercedez pov “What the hell are you doing here and why am I slammed against the wall dude.” Im here because “your gonna tell me what you know about alex and him being in a gang do you know anything about that at all.” He says what do you mean in a gang he’s not in a gang he works in a office and he just got a raise and why would he be in a gang he’s not like that at all.“ I say also you broke into my house and you expect me to just let you slam me against the wall and ask me questions about things like come on and talk shit about my boyfriend and tell me he’s in a gang and has been doing crimes this whole time I mean no fucking way he’s not killing people and doing crimes.” Yes he is just accepted the facts and move on alredy.“ The man says well “I’m tired of this I miss my boyfriend and I can’t believe he’s gone and I will not believe for one second he’s in a gang and his sister and my best friend died because of him.” I say crying “well I’m sorry that he’s been lying to you this whole time.” The man says well im gonna call the police on you and get you Arrested for breaking and entering.“ “Okay go ahead and call the cops your gonna be going to jail for a long time too for walking into an active crime scene,and I thought you were a smart cop.” The man says “shut up okay leave me alone.” “Well it’s your lucky day im leaving now so see you around and if you find anything out about the gang tell someone.” The man says running to the open window and jumping out of it.“ And going to the top of the roof. “Fuck!” I scream then I see a shirt from my boyfriend and I grab it and leave my house and go to y/n’s car and I drive back to her 🏠. Then I run to the gust room and lay on the bed and cry with the shirt in my arms. Y/n pov So then Seth stared to kiss down on my stomach and starts to lick my clit and I started to moan. “Well you like that don’t you.” Seth says then going back to licking my clit then he adds a diget to my pussy and I start to moan “oh Seth please I need you.” “Yeah I’d rather pleasure you instead.” So then he started to finger duck me again adding another finger. “Ooh fuck Seth keep going.” “Okay.” Seth says kissing me on my lips. Then I put my tongue in his mouth And our tounges wrestle for a little bit and then I win and I we pull away to catch our breathe. Then he pulls my legs on his shoulders and pulls my pussy towards his face and starts to eat me out. “Oh shit.” “Fuck.” Then I feel his tounge enter my pussy and I start to lose it “fuck!” “Uh I’m gonna cum soon enough.” I say “then cum.” Seth says so I let it out and he kisses me on the lips again. Okay well I’m glad you came.“ Then he takes off his pants with his underwear. And grabs a condom and opens it.“You sure you want to do this?” “Yes I am very sure that I want to do this.” So he puts on the condom and puts himself inside of me. “Fuck me already.” “Okay.” then he starts to thrust into me. Go faster daddy faster harder fuck.“ Then he goes to my ear. "You look so hot when your sweating and calling me daddy say it again."daddy.” “Yeah say it again.” “Daddy!” “Fuck I’m gonna come” Seth says “fuck” he says slowing down. “Uh so am I.” I say coming the same time as him. “Well I’ll see you at work tomorrow.” I say grabbing my clothes.“how are you getting home tonight.” Seth says “I can get an uber.” I say putting on my underwear and pants then my bra then my shirt. “Don’t worry with sex that good I’ll be seeing you soon.” I say walking out of his room putting on my shoes. So I grab my phone off his table and order a Lyft and walk outside of his house and it gets here in about two minutes so I finally made it home and I knock on the door and no awnser . “Hey mercedez open the door.” “Uh fine.” so I grab the spare key and open the door.“ Then I see the gust bed room door open and mercedez laying there asleep. Hey you okay then I take a close look at her face shes been crying. So I pull the covers over her and walk out of the room and close the door.” Then I go to the bathroom and take a shower. Aleister black pov “You did what to her dude you crazy.” Well they don’t call me psyco for nothing.“ The man says "okay your right but come on dude you can’t say stuff like that.” “Well I can and will say what ever I please to.” The man says "fine what ever dude also where did you leave the paper you send me?”“oh I put it in one of the draws.” “oh cool well im goingcto sleep now so ill talk to you later.” “Yeah good night.” Unknown pov “Im not gonna ask you agian where’s the bosses money?” “I already told youi dont have the money so fuck off.” “What did you do with the money then?” “I never had any of the money.” “Shut up okay stop lying to yourself you stole the bosses money and you spend it on something. ” “no I didn’t spend any because I never had any money.” “Shut the fuck up okay you had the money stop lying.” “Hey the boss is on the phone he wants to talk to you.” “Alright hand me the phone.” “Hello boss whats up what do you need?” “Two things one is he cracking or is he still lying?” “well not yet but we will get him to do it soon okay.” “You fucking better or else I will have to take matters into my own hands.” “Whats the second thing you need boss?” “I need someone to sell my guns tonight can you and your boys do it for me you guys are great at that.” “Sorry still tryna get this fucker to crack were taken turns how about ambrose he would love to do it.” “Yeah your right I totally should get him thanks for the suggestion talk to you later.” “Hey get me the pipe.” “your gonna crack now you fucker.” “do it I can take the pain motherfucker.” *hit to the hut with pipe* Y/n pov *alarm goes off* “fuck I dont wanna get up im still tired.” “Hey get up we need to get ready for work.” Mercedez says “yeah oh hey what time is it?” “Its 5:00 why.” “Oh because I usually go on a run on the track before work.” “Cool well I made breakfast and lunch for us so you don’t have to worry about that and also I wanted to thank you for letting me stay here and stuff.” “Theres no need to thank me for anything it was the right to do.” “Yeah I guess but I was about to go get ready so do you have an extra towel?” “Yeah I do its in the cabinet in the bathroom.” “Okay talk to you when you get out.” Mercedez pov “Why was alex lying to me all these years this whole time ive been with him through the worst of times and he wants to lie to me like that, I mean what a dick move, but I love him so much, even though he lied for all of these years aout where he works. I hope that hes not hurt because I would be so hard on myself knowing that afer the argument we had that night.” Flash back mercedez:“hey are you here yet im waiting still?” Alex: “im gonna be a litte late sorry my boss made me stay late.” Mercedez: babe i wanna go home please.“ Alex: I cant my boss is soo strict if I leave I will get in trouble.” Mercedez:fine whatever ill wait then thats exactly why I need my own car.“ Alex: I know babe just wait a little.” Mercedez:fine I said ill wait.“ Alex pov "Thanks agian for this I can’t believe that you got me this deal on this car.” “Its the least I can do for you dude your my friend that what friends do for each other.” “Thanks shes go nna love it a lot.” “I know shes a nice girl how you too meet again? ” oh well we were in high school and she always been there when I was ubset even when we weren’t friends.“ "Oh and how did you two start to date.” “ well I ask her out and she said yes. ” “oh well thats very boring.” “Yeah I know well thanks agian.” “Dude I just wanna tell you now hes gonna catch on to your little scam sooner than later alex.” “What do you mean scam?” “I mean your money scam dude hes gonna find out so I suggest you get all that money back now dude.” “dude hes not gonna find out anything becase im not taken the money.” “Yeah okay ill believe that when I become the mayor of California.” “Okay fine dont believe me then I thought we were friends. ” “we are just I dont want to be considered to be a part of your little scam okay its not gonna help me or you, he will hurt your love ones okay so be careful.” “Hes not gonna hurt anyone OK over my dead body hes not gonna touch my sister and girlfriend.” “No he will hurt them hurt them both just to prove a point.” “Well hes gonna have to get through me first.” “He will get through you okay he will and hes gonna hurt everyone you love.” “Yeah I get it okay so please stop.” “Stop telling you the truth.” “So what happens when this is all happening to you okay.” “Well its not.” “I have to pick up my baby so can you drive this to my house and then ill pick her up.” Fine I will but don’t say that I did not warn you.“ So I got inside my car and I drove to the police station to pick up my girlfriend. I saw her standing there waiting. "Finally there you are im about vtired of you being late.” “I know babe so how was your day?” “Terrible theres this asshole tommaso and he was being a dick all day to me and I was being nice to him the whole day until he stole my phone.” “He took your phone is he a little kid or something?” “Yeah in the brain but I think that he has problems.” “Well the only problem he has is not seeing that you’re the best friend someone could have.” “Aw babe I love you I am aren’t I.” "yeah yourbthe only onlyone that was thete for me in high school.” “I. Know people were assholes.” Unknow pov So I was parking the car alex just brought for his girlfriend. I got out of the car and I started to walk to doors for his apartment when I heard screaming. “Hey you moter fucker.” “Oh hey boss whats up dude what you want.” “Well I want my fucking money” “I dont have any of your money.” “yes you do give me my money.” *slammed against wall* “no really I dont have any of your money I swear.” “okay then how about you tell me wheres the money at tell me or I will kill you.” “Okay alex he has the money hes been taken the money from you.” “Alright wheres this fucker at right now.”“he’s probably selling drugs at that bar down by your house. ” “OK lets go there now.”

#wwe #nxt

[themoneybuff-blog]

The Five Enemies of Your Financial Success

The path to financial success is actually surprisingly simple. Spend less than you earn. Do something sensible with the difference. Thats it. If you do that each month, each year, each decade, youll have quite a lot of financial success. Debt will melt away. Retirement savings will go up, up, and away. If its that simple, then why doesnt everyone do it? If its that simple, then why are 78% of Americans living paycheck to paycheck? The reason is simple: Although the path is incredibly straightforward, there are many enemies along the way that will knock you off of that path. They pop up constantly, in different forms and in different numbers, and if youre not ready to handle them, you will fall right off the path to financial success. These enemies come in many, many different flavors, but they can mostly be boiled down to five groups, with different tactics for handling each one. Enemy #1: Bad Habits In other words, you have bad day-to-day routines in your life, ones that add up to a bunch of unnecessary expense. Those bad routines by themselves wont entirely disrupt your progress, but they will slow you down and they will make it easier for other enemies to knock you off the path. These bad habits and bad routines wear many faces. They take the form of your monthly bills some are overinflated (like your energy bill), while others are unnecessary (like your cable bill). They take the form of ordinary expenses that you incur multiple times a month without really thinking about it, like eating out for lunch or hitting the coffee shop or buying convenience foods at the grocery store or skipping over the store brands that youve never tried in order to use the more expensive name brands. People are creatures of habit. Once you firmly establish a routine, youll probably stick with it for a very long time, usually until something disrupts that habit. Disrupting a habit without some big life change (like moving) is hard. Here are a few tactics for defeating this enemy. Keep track of where every dollar goes. At the end of each month, sit down and go through your bank statements and credit card statements and identify what exactly each and every purchase was for. Was it a sensible purchase? Did it add real value to your life? Can you even remember what it was for? (Hint: If you cant remember, it was probably a bad purchase.) Look for patterns in what youre observing, especially in the less worthwhile expenses. Are the bad expenses popping up regularly in certain locations? On certain websites? Those are bad habits that you should be breaking. Reconsider every single regular expense; if it repeats, particularly once a month (like a monthly bill) or more, carefully re-evaluate it. If a specific expense is repeating in your life, like a monthly bill or a thrice-weekly stop at a coffee shop or a once-weekly stop at a hobby shop, ask yourself seriously whether that expense needs to continue and, if so, whether or not it can be cut in some fashion. Cut down most of those expenses to the bare minimum, then build them back up as needed. Once youve identified a bunch of regular expenses, its a good idea to trim them to the bare minimum and then, if you find that this isnt working for you, restore just the expenses youre missing. Try switching all of your regular purchases to store brands, for example, and then only switch back if the store brand doesnt work. Try making cold brew coffee at home in the fridge (its easy and cheap) and then switch back to the coffee shop if youve tried it a bunch of times and cant make good coffee (I really doubt this will happen). Enemy #2: Bad Advice (from Everywhere) When people think of advice, they tend to think of themselves asking for help or looking for help on something that troubles them in life and then finding someone they trust to give them an answer. Typically, thats good advice but thats not what were talking about here. Were talking about bad advice. Were talking about advice or suggestions that have no real consideration of your actual life, your actual wants and desires and goals. Were talking about suggestions shared in the media for products you need (but dont actually need). Were talking about lifestyle suggestions that have nothing to do with your actual wants or desires or life. Were talking about marketing ideas that are far more about selling a product than about improving your life. Bad advice is everywhere. Its on television. Its on the internet. Its on social media. It can come from the mouth of your best friend or from an overheard conversation on the street. How can you defeat the enemy of bad advice? Cut down on your media diet. Spend less time watching television. Spend less time online. Spend less time on social media. Replace that with actually doing things. Go on a hike. Make a great meal. Read a book. Learn a new skill. Have a party. Start a garden. Do something anything just cut down on your media intake. Find ways to spend time with friends that dont involve spending money. If youre going to do something social, make sure that its not something oriented toward spending money or talking about products or things you want. Avoid retail therapy. Do things at each others homes or at a free public location like a park. Look for multiple sources of advice, including experts, before you make a financial move. Whenever youre considering making a financial move or looking for strategies for improving your situation, look for a number of different sources before making a major move. Dont just trust the word of the salesperson or agent, and dont just trust the word of a single article in a major publication. Look around for several sources of advice and go with what they suggest as a whole. One single point of advice might be wrong; a bunch of different points of advice, mostly in alignment with each other, are much more likely to be right. Enemy #3: Temptation Were all tempted in our daily lives. Were tempted to be lazy. Were tempted by treats and perks and pleasures. Were tempted by the good thing we can have right now. The catch, of course, is that temptations are distracting. They grab our focus and pull us away from the big picture. They demand fulfillment right now without any real concern about what might come later. Spontaneity can sometimes be fun, sure, but when spontaneity drains away lots of resources and cuts off future plans, it becomes a problem. When giving into temptations means giving up on big plans and goals and dreams, its usually a bad choice, even if it seems really really desirable in the here and now. How can you tackle temptation? Practice the 10-second rule. The 10-second rule is a wonderful little trick you can practice any time youre about to make a purchase of any kind or about to put something in your shopping cart. All you have to do is pause for 10 seconds, and during those 10 seconds consider reasons why you shouldnt buy this item. Dont think about why you should buy it, but why you shouldnt. Do you really need it? Could you get it cheaper elsewhere? Is there a better option for your needs? Couldnt this wait until later? Most of the time, non-essential purchases will go right back on the shelf. Practice the 30-day rule, too. This is a nice supplement to the 10-second rule above, and it pertains very nicely to nonessential purchases of any significant magnitude (for me, the minimum level is the price of a book, about $10). If you have the desire to buy a nonessential item, simply give it 30 days to rest. In 30 days, consider the item again do you still want it? If so, then start bargain hunting for it, and you can do it patiently because youve already observed you dont need it right away. If not, then just forget about it. I find that about 90% of my wants just go away if I apply this 30-day rule to it. Delete your credit card number from online accounts, and dont keep your account login information saved. One very easy way to give into temptation before having a chance to think about it is to simply order things with just a click or two online without having to enter payment information. Theres nothing wrong with buying online, but when you can go from impulse to ordered item in just a few seconds, its really easy to just let temptation run the show. For example, I often run into this with Kindle books I know very well that I order more than I should, and this depletes my monthly hobby spending more quickly than Id like. The simple step of removing credit card and account information in as many places as I can keeps me from a lot of little impulsive purchases. Enemy #4: Bad Perspective Human beings have a few psychological quirks that served us very well in life up until roughly the industrial revolution, but dont serve us particularly well today. One of those quirks serves as a giant enemy on the road to financial success, and thats our natural tendency to focus strongly on the short-term perspective rather than the long-term perspective. We put far more weight on today and this week than we do on next year and the rest of our lives. Sure, were able to think about and consciously plan for our future, but its often very nebulous thinking and planning. Most of the time, we play it by ear, and even when we have the best of intentions, short-term objectives and desires will trump long-term objectives and desires unless were very diligent about focusing on the long-term perspective with our thinking. How is that bad? If we focus on the short term as a top priority rather than the long term, it becomes so much harder to save for future goals like retirement. The benefits of saving for retirement are incredibly obvious and important, but because its a long-term goal, the average person doesnt do it very well. A large portion of Americans have nothing saved for retirement, and among those who do, many just have a trivial amount thats often just what their employers automatically put aside for them. Were bad at long-term thinking in the moment. How can we change that? Consider your spending choices from a five-year perspective. If youre about to spend money, ask yourself whether, five years from now, you would consider that expenditure to be a worthwhile one. Will your future self think that this purchase was really worthwhile at all? If your future self would think of this purchase as not a very good use of money, then you should strongly consider leaning against it. What Ive found is that this line of thinking tends to push me toward minimal spending on myself, though it does encourage social spending and self-improvement spending. I often pair this thinking with time use, something which Ill get back to in a few paragraphs. Consider what a series of unfortunate events does to your life, and come up with a realistic plan for handling most of that impact. What exactly happens to you if you lose your job and your car breaks down on the same day? How do you handle that? What if youre suddenly diagnosed with a serious illness at the same time that your oldest child moves back in with you? How do you handle those kinds of extreme events? If you dont have an answer that will help you handle a large portion of the impact, then you need to be planning ahead for that impact. Start a big, healthy emergency fund, for starters, and start taking steps to strongly reinforce your career. You should automate those plans by, for example, setting up automatic transfers from your checking to your savings account (for an emergency fund) and scheduling and blocking off time for career improvement. Make it as easy as you possibly can to keep moving forward with those plans. Consider how you spend your time in a given week and ask yourself if theres not a more personally fulfilling and worthwhile way to spend that time. How much of your time is just wasted in a way that you cant even really identify? How much of it is wasted on things that provide no long-term value and little short-term value (like aimless social media or web surfing or watching unplanned television)? That time is just lost, with no purpose. Start finding ways to cut that lost time, and start using that time for things that will provide value to you now and over the long term of your life. Learn things. Exercise. Get in better shape. Take on tasks that will save you time later, like preparing meals in advance. Enemy #5: Lack of Knowledge One final obstacle that stands in the way of financial success is simple lack of knowledge. You might be able to identify that theres a financial problem in your life, but you really dont know how to fix it or how to ensure that it doesnt happen again. Usually, financial solutions are pretty simple, but if youve never been exposed to the solution to your problem, solving the problem can feel like a tremendous obstacle. This is the value of education it can take an unanswered question that seems incredibly difficult and complex and break it down into something simple that you can understand and handle and put into action. Heres how to do just that. Read personal finance books and independent personal finance sites. If youre struggling with personal finance as a whole or dont understand broad topics such as investing or debt repayment, the best approach is to grab a personal finance book from the library and dig in. If you thrive on seeing those solutions through the filter of a persons real life, then an independent personal finance blog (like this one) is a great additional tool. Both can teach you what you need to know the books provide the core knowledge and the blogs provide the examples and relatability. If you hear about a financial topic that you dont understand, take the time to understand it and integrate it into what you already know. So often, people will start learning about a personal finance topic, understand 75% of it, and then get lost on the other 25%. Rather than stopping right there and fixing that deficit, they nod and move on. Dont do that. Whenever you come across a point or a subtopic that you dont understand, stop and learn more about it. Dont come back to the bigger topic unless you understand the specific point thats being made. Why? Its often the case that later points build upon and rely upon earlier ones, so if you dont understand the earlier ones, you almost never understand the later ones. Plus, its much easier to stop and learn about a point when you first encounter it, because learning about that single point when you first find it is likely to be quite easy in comparison to trying to figure out where you went wrong later on. Dont inherently trust the words of an advisor; do the research and figure things out on your own. You should never, ever make major financial decisions based on the advice or ideas of a single person, whether its a book or a blog or a financial advisor. Dont take one persons word for it if its a major decision that will have big ramifications in your life. Before making a choice, consult other sources. Verify what a website is saying by looking at other websites and at books. Verify what an advisor is saying by looking at websites and books. Verify what youve learned from books with other sources of information. Dont just rely on one source (and, yes, that includes The Simple Dollar). Final Thoughts: Fighting the Battle The real challenge of personal finance success in the modern world isnt following the path to success, which is easy, but in fighting the many different enemies that block your path and force you off of it. It is those who overcome those enemies and keep on the path that find financial security and, eventually, financial independence. You wont be successful in every battle no one is. However, if you manage to turn a few losses into wins, youll find yourself moving faster and faster down the path, with more confidence and momentum than ever before, and that alone will go a long way toward bringing you the success you desire. This is your journey. There are many who stand in your way. Are you ready to take them on? Related Articles: https://www.thesimpledollar.com/the-five-enemies-of-your-financial-success/

[inequilibrium]

this is really unasked for and i hope is not a burden and if it is im truly sorry but i need to talk to someone. In addition to it, i want to maybe warn you if you don´t want to read this ask im going to talk about mental health and concerns i have.[ ------ ]----- Lately i´ve been struggling with depression an anxiety, as it is; the main reason is because i couldnt find what i wanted to do with my life, or if its even worth it. Being honest i never wanted to board that issue, not even when (1)

everything is under a cut!

(2) i had to choose a major, and rn when im about to finish it i realized i messed up, i dont know what i want to do because my drive to keep studyind that major wasnt because i wanted to do that for life not even because i enjoyed it, i did it because it was ‘the right thing to do’ ‘something i always wanted’ and it kept me busy with the idea that at least i wasnt being lazy, i was doing something, my life had a meanig and a gold, for who? who knows (2)

(3) and now that i find myself finishing it, and i have to choose again something to specialize and get my degree i started thinking about why keep doing it, i dont want to get a job according to it, i dont even like it, i dont hate it either but i truly dont see myself doing anything related to it. And it hit me, really hard and it hurt so much, the fact that i actually trew away five and a half years of my life, thinkig it was the right thing to do and being unhappy, for what (3)

(4) i was avoiding the whole thing and i dont even know why, but the moment i found myself thinkig about where i wanted to go, getting a job and why i wanted to finsih my carreer; i realized that, because i wasnt brave enough to face my problems and reallity i could be stucked forever doing something i dont love, spending more and more of my time instead of actually investing it. I made a mistake and it felt really awful, how many more years was i going to be okay throwing away (4)

(5) and now im stucked on a different place, now i want to find something im willing to spend my life on but i cant think of anything. I havent fully forgive myself for acting the way i did, it really really hurt those 5 years of waste, and i dont want to keep loosing time that wont come back. I try to make peace in the sense that okay, theyre gone but im still young, theres so much more i can do; but is not easy. Ive been feelling so lost and hopeless. i want to have a reason, a purpose (5)

(6) i dont want to stay till but rn i cant find a reason to even get out of bed, why would i get up, get dressed, eat. If i dont have something i want to do or get, either acomplish; and the things i have at the moment i dont want them because even thinking about them makes sad each and every day. It sounds really bad since im on an advantageous position, i have health and i am abled but my mind doesnt let me go. I dont know what to do now, i know its a matter of picking again and (6)

(7) and start working but when i try to ask myself, i found a blank space. Its the worst ive been in years because even if i think of starting a new major, i got such a negative conception of college as an institution and experience, all the sadness ive been feeling, imprinted a lot of negative feelings to it; that now even going back just triggers my anxiety and depression. I really dont know what should i do, or if anything would even worth it. i think im not completely helpless since (7)

(8) im still willing to try, but my depression and self judgement peeps and i cant seem to get out of it. Now i dont even know what i like or enjoy, what im actually willing to do, or what is the right thing to do or even if i should finish this major in the mean time. There was a point where i wanted to stop trying. and even now, even if im willing to try i dont know towards what i should run. I wnat to think im doing better that the past days, at least i stopped crying all and judging and (8)

(9) blaming myself, but my appetite is still gone, and the things i used to enjoy just feel like a burden to me atm, listening to music, reading; i dont feel interest on doing it anymore, i stil get distracted and cant seem to concentrate. i dont know what to do, how does one fall back again on the track of life?. I dont wat to get stucked but im stucked right now. I want to try and think but my mind is messed up and blank, if the things, the small ones i ised to enjoy i cant seem to be able (9

(10) to even do them anymore, how am i supposed to find a purpose, a gold. something i like and am willing to invest my time on. I feel confused and sad. and i really dont know where to start. it was so sad when i found myself surrounded by people who seem to know what they wanted, or why they were doing that major, how it made them feel acomplished, i realized something was really wrong because wasnt even one bit excited. and it made me think, and blame myself to no end (10)

(11) im afraid of choosing again,messing up,being that wrong. But for more that i want to move on my mind wont let me,and i dont know anymore.[ ] Im really sorry for doing this, and by no means i want to give my problems to someone else, i dont intent to load anything on anyone i just needed to talk to somebody,we dont know eachother but i dont feel like you are a complete stranger to me since ive been following your blog and i read about what you share,talk and write,for quite sometime now(11)

(12) im truly truly sorry,

okay firstly, never say sorry for feelings and for wanting to express them. you’re always allowed to feel.

i don’t know why you picked me to share this with but i’m honoured.

i’m not the best at advice, i think i’ve made too many mistakes in life to really know anything about what’s going on. but i do know one thing, the major you choose, any choice you make, that doesn’t have to be the be all and end all of things. there’s always another road, a way to make a u-turn, and a way to rectify things.

there’s nothing wrong with not knowing where to go next or what to do or even why you chose the major you did. it’s a little unfair of the world to expect young people to know what they’re doing when sometimes even people who have lived far longer lifetimes seem to just be faking it, isn’t it?

when i graduated college, it was with a science degree, because back then, i liked science and i was good at it. unfortunately, by about a year before graduation, i already knew i never wanted to go near a science lab or a science book ever again. by then, it was too late to change. so, i made a different choice when looking for a job, and in a roundabout way, i’m now in mass communications; a writing job. exactly what college-me didn’t know i wanted.

it’s okay to be stuck and not know what to do, no one ever knows, that’s the beauty of life, we’re all making it up as we go along.

take a first step, just…maybe see what’s out there, what you can do, what you want to do. look for what they’re looking for, if maybe it’s general enough that you fulfil the criteria. i don’t know what major you have right now, but i think many jobs don’t necessarily need a very specific degree, they just need a certain level of education. then you gotta take the leap, and try.

easier said than done, i know. but i believe you can.

no one ever makes perfect choices, that’s why there’s chances in every stage of life to make a u-turn. if you’re wrong, it’s okay, what matters is you try to fix it. and i think you have a heart to do that, even if it’s a little bit harder right now.

and that’s my attempt at advice ahhh. i hope it helped a bit but please disregard everyTHING if it didn’t. i hope it gets easier as time goes by, and i hope you find a road and opportunities that will help. (msg me offanon if you want tho)

#ask #oh man i'm so sorry if i fucked this up #but oh don't give up on yourself never give up on yourself ;;;

[survivor-marianas-trench]

“How Am I Supposed To Sit On My Fat *ss And Do Nothing If There’s No Tribal Immunity?” - EPISODE 1

i wont say names bc if these get released at the end i know the psycho wont leave me alone but theres a certain someone that never leaves another certain someone alone and theyre actually so annoying and they look like a balding foot and if i have to be in the same tribe with them i will definitely end up fighting them

so...cole walking on day 1? because he didn't want to be in a game with Julia wow. I am shook to the core. 

1st off why are there 30 people here! 2nd off why are we all in a chat together! And 3rdly at least someone already took themselves out of the game. I didn't get last!!! I know setting the bar high. I'm very excited to play everyone is super nice and also I think my tribe is great. I got Sam and Liana on my tribe whom I played with during Atlantis. Sam and I were in an alliance but obviously it wasn't super tight...since I voted her off. But I love her dearly and hope we can work together again. Also excited for Liana because I always remember that she was good in challenges and she has already told me she won't want to throw any challenges this time. Haha. I already appreciate her so much. She is so sweet! Carson k is also on my tribe. Carson k is also a sweetheart and I'm sad that I didn't trust him much during Malibu and I hope that it can change here. Hopefully there is a survivor trivia challenge because he is so good with survivor trivia. Everyone else on the tribe seems really cool too as we aren't involved in the drama of the one world chat. Haha we have all of our members still and we are ready to win some challenges! #YouWishYouWereATasi also. Kait is here!!!! Omggggg I'm not ready. She messaged me last night and I was like oh god how do I talk to kait????? Like ugh ahhhh scared. No. Nothing against kait she just scares me! And I feel like she can tell....*gulp* but billy is also here and I love billy too. And Luke!!! Honestly so many amazing people who hopefully won't vote me off. Everyone in the community has been so supportive of me and has really helped relive some of the anxiety I've been having. But queen kait is here so I don't know how long it will last. 

what the fuck am i doing i don't even know if im making a confessional for the right game....like i'm in a 3 survivor games and  a big brother game and i've never wanted to kill myself more i was talkin with kait and i was like "omg i love karen!!" and KAREN ISN'T EVEN ON OUR FUCKING TRIBE. SHE'S DEADASS IN ANOTHER GAME. omg and this ninjohn bitch cracks me tf up so yeah thats about all i've done bye

tbh! what is going on in this game!!! The only people that I know and want to work with are Sam G, Dan, Amanda, Billy and Christine tbqh! I don't know anybody on my tribe except Billy so we're gonna be a cute duo. I think the twist is kind of fun, it's gonna make people need to be on their toes 24/7 and not get too comfortable hiding behind tribal wins because they just don't exist. Uh first boot from my tribe? Idk,...maybe me> maybe chrisssa? who knows!

On 3/6/17, at 9:54 PM, veronica [ hoenn host ] wrote: > how am i supposed to sit on my fat ass and do nothing like nicholas did if theres no tribe immunity >.> but also i really like the cast in this game and i know its gonna be lit this is like one of my fave survivors already and im in like 4 rn

set my soul on fire pls

YES MA'AM! This is Kelsey Mikaelson, representing BBCAN and Vampire Diaries, checking into Mariana Trench Survivor, is you good? Is you happy? Because I's wants to know, ok. Entering this competition was a quick shock. The tribe I was on is very friendly and we all got along quick and I'm living, I seem to get along well. Obviously, I'm the loud one, but I think that overall, I'm not too much which is good! You know what is too much though? Literally both other tribes OTHER than Tasi. Seeing how crazy they are during the One World makes us seem a lot more mellow which makes me seem a lot more quiet which is absolutely a great factor for my game.  Anyways, next twist: triple elimination each week. Girl...I came here for a fresh new game that would be welcoming to newbies. This is literally death. I'm literally dead. *sigh*...Whatever. There are people in my tribe I've clicked with early on. Carson, Liana, Sam, Shea and Seamus have all been rather nice to me. However, one person that I have definitely gotten along with thus far is Lilly. She's so explosive and she's also so logical in everything she tells me, she's a great counterpart to me in this competition. I would say I trust Lilly the most, yes, I would. And going into this first tribal, I'm interested to see how our relationship will translate into gameplay. Hopefully, in a positive way~! Now to the challenge...I want to remain a team player, an innocent virgin, an airhead with  nothing but loyalty with everyone. I don't want to manipulate, I want to slay. So, I'm going to put a rather safe score for myself. As long as I'm not on the bottom end of the powers, I'm fine. I just hope that this first tribal doesn't eat me alive...against my gut instinct, I'm not bringing strategy up for these first days. I just hope that people actually come to me like I'm expecting...otherwise, I gotta start making them moves, mama! Wish me the best of luck! From Canada with Love, -The ORIGINAL...Kelsey Mikaelson, muah!

I'm so nervous. I feel like knowing that you're going to tribal no matter what makes this all more nerve wracking. I'm trying to feel out who people want to go and what they want to do without making anyone feel like I'm jumping the gun or being too forward. Plus I think Darian is probably gunning for me, since I know he doesn't like me. I really don't wanna be first to go, but I feel like it's too risky to just immediately go after him. I'm hoping someone is inactive or will give us a reason to vote them out so that this first one is an easy one. 

http://youtu.be/PTJUoasIy_Y

...moments later

If i learned anything from Rakiura, it's that I need to make a list or something of peoples' point values and possible advantages since people will forget about them come merge and then the person with all the advantages will win the season. :)

I'll call them out!

https://youtu.be/gK_YU4BaKyc

WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN MY TRIBE 

So like this is a weird position to be in. I like everyone on my tribe????? Like how the fuck am I supposed to vote one of these hoes out when I like them? I'm clearly the prettiest, but like I love them all. This is a tragedy because if it was a normal damn game, I would be able to slay with my tribe. My plan so far is to just be super social and find the majority. I don't know how to play one world because usually the world revolves around me so. 

So this season hasn't been that exciting at all so far for our tribe due to Cole's, not surprising, quit. I want to try harder than the last few skype/Tumblr games I've played since I definitely was inactive in the last few. I'm trying to socialize and need to expand my social surroundings since I haven't approached many yet. I have been talking to Luke however but he's terrible at responding. I don't mind if you're busy and can't respond quickly but when you message in the main chat and have the online symbol by your name you might want to respond back to a tribemate. That doesn't bode well for track records. 

Things are weird. What do I do. Who do I talk to. Where am I. Okay now that I've gotten that off my chest I just tribes are weird. We aren't even really a tribe. I know we will have to just keep voting people off of our tribe. So what do we do? I have no leads. Except I kinda want a girls alliance so I would prefer a guy out this week just to play it safe. I feel like I could talk to Liana and Sam about this but also nervous. Idk. I'll do something soon but this is a lot to process. I also hope that not too many voting things will affect tribal. I'm not ready for it. That is all. Good day. 

Hello!!! Alright so this first week has just been....a mess. Like, y'all really put me in a group with 30 people...with one world in play...I'm gonna go insane. Although it's not entirely a bad thing. I have my Queens Kait and Jenn to keep me sane. I had Cole......for like 2 hours until he left WHICH I'M STILL BITTER ABOUT. I love him so much it's not even funny. Anyways for the people on my tribe, I absolutely adore Dan so I can definitely see us working together. Sam G. is here as well and WHEW. A Queen. I love her so much. If I had a dream alliance within this tribe it'd probably be Dan, Sam, Kelsey, Lily, Carson and myself. I haven't gotten the chance to talk to Seamus or Liana and trying to start a conversation with Shea is a bit like pulling teeth so far so...yeah, that's how things are looking right about now I'm so scared for this tribal cause I don't know what to expect??? Like I probably should've just went all in for immunity but I didn't cause I didn't wanna go overboard...so much for that huh. Wish me luck for now I guess!

...30 minutes later...

I'm screaming apparently Shea's already brought my name up to people but suddenly changed it to Carson when I started talking to them??? Something smells fishy here and I'm not here for it. I've got my eye on Shea, that's for sure. In all honesty I'd rather target Shea than Carson cause Carson's actually chill while Shea's probably gonna get a little messy along the way which makes me nervous but Dan trusts him for now so I guess I just gotta go with the flow for now...

Hi Ricky! Super excited to be safe this round, just gotta sit here and look cute!

the furrys are on the prowl, yiff yiff. there are quite a few furrys in this game lmao. so basically on my tribe i really like veronica and am teaming with her. shea really likes me and veronica so we r gonna try and work with them. i think i want to vote for sam this round bc like i like everyone else and the noobs in our tribe seem kinda easy to push around so im excited!

My tribe is so BORINGGGGG tbh no one talks in the chat anyways here's an analysis i promised Ricky <3 When something more happens youll get more out of me but literally nothings going on OH I HAVE AN ALLIANCE WITH DAN AND LUKE BUT YOU BUT US ALL ON DIFFERENT TRIBES WHICH IS GROSS The end. heres my analysis of my tribe woo Andie - Love him we've been friends for a while and he wants to work together so thats cute af Daisy - Super nice we've talked quite a bit so far. I like her Darian - He seems super nice to me and we talked a bit but ive heard he's a shitshow and ive been warned so i know to tread lightly Emma - I'm not gonna like when i saw Emma was on my tribe I was about to beat someones ass because I felt like she hated my guts last time i was around her and it was a rough experience but she like came to me and apologized and shit saying she was having a rough time and idk if that was just to cover her ass for this game or what but im gonna forgive but not forget at this point...or at least until swap/merge lmao Kait - i fucking love Kait she's super straight to the point which is great when everyone else sugar coats the hell out of everything. We seem to work well in PI so here's to hoping it works out this time and we can be a dynamic duo lolol Rhea - Last Week in another game she said she didnt like playing with me and my friends...im not really with my close friends in this game so idk if itll be different but like we've played together a ton and i dont think we ever worked together. She's the nicest person in the world but we like never click together so i wouldnt be surprised if she wanted my ass gone Rob - I dont think we've talked? oops lmfao Sam R. - Hes so chill. We played Myanmar together and we worked together while also targeting eachother? it was so fucking complicated ahahaha but i love him as a person so i hope we're okay in this game??? idk yet tbh Steven - We've talked a bit in the past. He's chill but we arent super close. I dont think he'd target me though so thats a plus

Wooo! I guess taking -10,030 points was worth it! I won immunity from the raffle and I also have the 30% advantage! Couldn't be more happy about the outcome of this challenge. I honeslty don't know who to vote for and I sure as hell won't be scrambling. I know it's not me and that's all I care about 

i am gad we were safe week 1 thanks to Cole quitting again it's insane that he did that but i am glad it gave us safety this week. I hope i can stay longer because immunity wins aren't relying on everyone to win together so if i am bad they won't think i am a threat..

well! tasi WAS peaceful, until little shea decided to target me ONCE again in a game. id like to see him try, because i am NOT going premerge. and, if i have anything to say about it, his ass is GRASS!

So, everyone this tribal has said they are voting Carson, which I have no problems with. I feel like the blame is being put on me for this vote which I don't want. If people flip and I go home, so be it. 

Daisy seems to be the first target and I don't want her to leave. I'm going to see if we can get the votes back on Amanda.

.

http://prntscr.com/ehnjlj

So, tonight is making me super nervous and I don't know what to do.... I feel like this twist fucks me and that's not good. I have played sooo many PI seasons that  I feel like I am an easy target. Also this one world twist is legit making this game THAT much harder and I honestly don't like this shit. I don't know what the fuck I am going to do, and it sucks  so much. I feel like I am a mess and it sucks more so than anything. I just want to make it past this tribal, and I am not sure that I willl. 

Whew I need to write a confessional but also I'm watching Survivor! I am really nervous for this vote! Everyone has been so quiet and I haven't talked to that many people. The plan is supposed to be for Carson. Lily, Liana, Dan, Christine, and I were supposed to create an alliance but we haven't. I'm hoping we will later and no one is actually trying to vote me out. Seamus did say  'Christine or Sam' but he meant Carson? Okay sure hopefully he did! 

Sooo, this has been a wild round, and im not even gonna get into the cole thing other than to say, I'm glad you and your negative bitch ass is gone, and maybe come for me with more accurate shit next time :))). But since this "lovely" soul quit, I didn't have to go to tribal, and I also beat him AHAHAH. BUT I've been chit-chatting with Gabriel alot and I love Gabriel they are soooo chill tbh. And I also am kinda lucky since I know so many people know this season whew. Okay bye

#deeperdarkerdanger

[dsmroleplay]

#DragonsNVampires #DSM #SPN #BDB Crossover Part One

Written by: @OutcastBrother @DeanWinchester_ & @XsNextVictim 

Qhuinn: Qhuinn settled back in the bar of #ZeroSum. The news have been getting worse with the discoveries of the damn Lessers, plus Rhage's Beast form. I scrubbed my eyes as a sliver of unease slithered down my spine. #Vishous was trying his hardest, but we all knew we were fucked.

Colt: -Two weeks earlier he'd been in a briefing, something they'd never seen before had made youtube. While both good and bad the recent developments about the spotting of a "purple dragon" were to say "disturbing" to the hunting world. I mean what else, fucking unicorns next? Colt had flown over to New York to investigate the sighting and get a feel of what was happening there. He'd gotten the feeling he'd just stepped off into the deep end of something. Leaving a voicemail for his father ( @TridentHunting ) even though he was down in Colombia. "I think we may a serious problem in New York, headed to a club that keeps coming up. "Zero Sum".

I'll let you know when I have more. Be careful down there." Driving a Grey Maserati Gran Turismo he pulled up in front of the club and could feel the bass from music as he got out of the car and handed the keys to the valet. This place had a reputation for being a vampire hang out but the word was these vampires weren't the sparkling variety or the really anything he'd hunted. Maybe not the best idea going in alone without Sammy or some backup but Sammy was busy doing his own cases and he didn't want to bring in operators where tensions could be high and start a war. Dressed sharp in a grey suit he nodded to the bouncer as he was let in. Strobe lights set the music off and he looked around getting a vibe of seriousness and deadly.-

Qhuinn: I hoped V would get this shyte dealt with soon. It was getting harder and harder to deal with this war without having to fucking deal with these damn little ants called humans. Something shifted in the air when the door of ZS opened up. Blinking, I looked up and scanned the Room, and didn't like what I was feeling. Well...fuck. Taking the smell of liquor, sex, and everything else in the club, I didn't smell the distinct scent of baby powder, which was good. So I relaxed slightly but waited to see the danger that lurked, I looked over at #Xhex She nodded, understanding my look. Something was brewing, I stood up, the sound of a scooting chair echoed in my ears. Tonight was not going to be a good night. Ir this may be the fight I needed since #Blay was fucking my cousin. ::::::::::: Colt: Colt: -He casually scanned the room and felt this whole thing was off somehow, maybe he just hadn't been out enough lately but who knows. He took a seat at the bar and ordered whiskey even though he planned on not drinking it tonight. The point was to have a look around and he'd need to be sober to do that. In his younger years, he and Jake had hung out in places like this or similar. They'd been wild as fuck back in the day, turning to face the dancefloor he watched the hot bodies rubbing up on each other and silently wondered was this place a  den of vampires or just a whole a BDSM hotspot. He still couldn't get over the reports of a "dragon" shaking his head he thanked the bartender for the drink and eyes fell on a guy who looked to be coming this way.- :::::::::::::::::::: Qhuinn: Taking another drink, some guy stood out to me. He was adorable. Standing up, I finished my drink and made my way through the sweaty bodies. As I got closer, I  was able to read this male, and something seemed dangerous. He wasn't a Lesser, that would have had Rehv, Xhex, and me Going after the sweet smelling bastards. When he caught my gaze, I narrowed my eyes on his and slipped my hand into my jeans for my dagger and slipped it up my sleeve. ::::::::::::: Colt: -Tracking the guys movements he could of swore he saw the glint of a blade of some kind. He hadn’t brought a weapon in because for one he’d never made it past security and two he didn’t want to start shit unless he had too. He sat his drink down though and stood. Hopefully   the welcome community wasn’t out for blood.- ::::::::::::: Qhuinn: I kept studying the male as I set my drink down and made my way over to the newcomer. However, there was something about him that seemed like trouble. My eyes narrowed, he was no Lesser, that was for sure. I wasn't going to lie, he was adorable. As I made my way through the Sweaty bodies on the dance floor, before making eye contact with Xhex, keeping my dagger from sight. "Can I help you?" I asked the stranger. :::::::::::::: Colt: Uh... no, I mean unless this is a private club and you’re part of security and bounce my ass out of here. -Grins.- ::::::::::: Qhuinn: Quirking an eyebrow. "No. This is not a private club, but I have yet to see you in here before. If I throw you out, then I would have to deal with her." Points to @XsNextVictim, "I personally don't want to ." ::::::::::::::: Xhex: Narrows my eyes at Q and drag my hand across my throat. Silently warning him from starting shit in my club. :::::::::::::::: Qhuinn: I nodded slightly with a tilt of my chin, before glancing at the newcomer and tapped my nose. Hoping she understood that I didn't trust newcomers. With that shyte with Rhage, I wasn't trusting anyone V didn't vet for. :::::::::::::::::::: Colt: -Looks from one to the other.- Yeah that looks like a woman who’d kick both our asses. ::::::::::::::: Qhuinn: A chuckle.left my.lips, and I shook my head. "Want a drink?" I asked. ::::::::::::::: Colt: -Colt stood, offered the guy his hand.- I got one but can I buy you one. I’m Dean, but everyone calls me Colt. ::::::::::::: Qhuinn: I held out my hand and clapped it against his gently and gave his hand a shake. "I'm Qhuinn. However, you can call me Q. And I'd appreciate it." I turned to make my way to the bodies. ::::::::::::::: Colt: -Firm shake. Picks up his drink and follows the guy. First time in my life I felt dwarfed. What the fuck do they feed this guy?- ::::::::::::: Qhuinn: Making my way through the crowd was tedious. Everyone knew danger when they felt it, but trying to keep a low profile sometimes, was a bitch. My mismatched eyes looked around before looking behind me at the new comer. I didn't trust the fucker, but I'd be nice. For now. :::::::::::::: Colt: -Colt got the feeling this guy wasn’t happy he was around but he had a job to do and he’d do it.- So this your place? :::::::::::::::: Qhuinn: "This city is my home. What made you come around here?" I asked, before grabbing an empty seat and sitting on one. Motioning for him to take the other empty one next to me. :::::::::::::::: Colt: -Colt followed his lead and took a seat.- I’m here on business. ::::::::::::: Xhex: *Follows Q and his new friend, a newcommer I'd never seen. What the hell was he up to now. Some of the Brother's and their warriors needed a short leech. Q could sometime be one of them.* :::::::::::::: Qhuinn: "Oh? What kind of business brings you into a small town like Caldwell?" My fingers squeezed my Dagger harder, if he mentions that YouTube video, I was going to kill him. I won't let Rhage get hurt for something he had no control over. :::::::::::::: Colt: I’m in security. Mostly government officials that kind of thing. What do you do? :::::::::: Qhuinn: The scent of the lie was strong on my tongue,  but I let it slide. "Protection. My brothers and I protect this town." :::::::::::::: Colt: No offense about what I’m about to ask but you don’t fit the bill for a cop. So like a gang? :::::::::::::: Qhuinn: "No Cops, no Gangs. Nothing that unorganized." Although we are disorganized, and we have an ex-cop. "So what police business do you have to do in Caldwell?" :::::::::::::::::: Colt: I’m not a cop. Least not today. I’m looking into some potential threats in case we have clients in the area. Heard of anything? ::::::::::::: Qhuinn: "Theres always a threat. Whether it be animals, humans, or anything of the sort." I snorted,  "Here you got to eat bit more specific.:

#DSM SPN BDB RP