#her whole like creative brain ? is so youthful in that like

[sickgraymeat]

Modern human au bubbline adopt a pet and can’t agree on a name bc all of Bonnie’s are like Fancy Guy the Tuxedo Cat and all of Marcy’s are like Gloopy or smth

#adventure time #both of these are great names actually…. #Bonnie is a pretty literal namer of things most of the time #but like with her curious childlike whimsy on top #I feel like marcy picks unusual names that might not be appealing to other ppl bc she likes that abt them #*schwabl also being like a bit challenging to say and spell if it’s unfamiliar #but would also fight you if you said Hambo was a weird name shdhndne #bubbline #princess bubblegum #marceline the vampire queen #bonnibel bubblegum #marceline abadeer #jus talkin #her whole like creative brain ? is so youthful in that like #she observes things in the world and interprets them scientifically but also in kind of a fairytale way #and then because she’s so isolated she’s like This Is Correct #it’s like idk a really like data-heavy dissertation but written in gel pen and there are stickers and washi tape all over the margins #which is interesting also looking at marcy who is so much like a typical human kid #she doesn’t like try to understand things the way bonnie does like she doesn’t look deeper into them #she takes it all in stride which is so how kids are (Elise being freaked out by the weird apocalypse stuff and Marcy has never known #anything different so she’s able to see the fun parts?? the beauty? the similarity to herself and her life?? where all Elise sees ofc i #is danger!!!! dangerous thing arojnd my baby!!!!!!!! #:( but yeah the walrus in an overcoat is a moment that feels similar to kid!bonnie in a way #the idea of ‘that’s silly! my silly thing isn’t silly tho’ ​like also very much real kids but an interesting contrast based on #their influences and their surroundings at that point #and how their ideas are challenged or whether or not they are #like marcy having only the company of someone who’s taking care of her vs bonnie having only the company of someone she’s taking care of #so bonnie observes all this stuff and Neddy stays home #Marcy observes all this stuff and Elise already knows about it #ok sorry I’m sleepy lol

[mod2amaryllis]

just gonna sliiide into your inbox to be like. got any complicated relationship with motherhood recs?? cause I'm👀

👁️👁️ b i s c i a.

the first rec is always for all time The Broken Earth trilogy by NK Jemisin

talk about books that changed my brain chemistry and boosted my writing, especially the fifth season, which pulls a narrative trick with its 3 main character perspectives that still has me reeling and makes me resent the fact that not every protagonist is an exhausted middle aged mother who's haunted by choices and horrors of her own making!!

The Devourers by Indra Das

a take on werewolves that's at times genuinely sickening to read, esp for my body-horror-scawy ass. lot of upsetting themes fyi, like. all the themes. are upsetting. but i was left feeling like I'd just gotten the world's most dire hug. also trans allegory out the wazoo.

i feel like this one is really obligatory like yeah no shit Beloved by Toni Morrison but still: Beloved by Toni Morrison

I've never felt smart enough for this book but i think about it constantly, not just because the contents are so traumatic but the way it's written..... even now i feel like such a dunce trying to say anything about it but it's like. it broke rules in my brain about how books are supposed to be structured and understood. there's a chapter that ends in a stream of thought that's borderline incomprehensible and it's in my head forever.

ok little different now and largely positive mushy gushy mom stuff, but a lot of Brandi Carlile's songs, especially The Mother:

and her whole In These Silent Days album. particularly it's celebrating lesbian motherhood. Mama Werewolf is awesome and introduces that complication that makes me ravenous, but my favorite is her love song to her wife, You And Me On The Rock

there's a song exploder podcast episode about it. she talks about how it's an homage to her good friend Joni Mitchell, how it's about this very feminine love she shares with her wife and daughter (and now also her son) and how she spent some of her youth grappling with that femininity.

speaking of song exploder!!!!!! the episode for Song For Our Daughter by Laura Marling

Laura Marling and her partner don't have children. this song is a hypothetical about the trauma of being a girl and having your boundaries crossed when you're young. but what absolutely destroys me is that there's a string section, which was written by a violinist to whom she gave creative liberty, and in his strings he says, "i wrote this to be the character of The Daughter, so she's here in the song soaring over everything" and it just. hearing the context and then listening to the song........i show this episode to anyone who's stuck in a car with me 25 minutes.

on the subject of music, of course there's Florence + The Machine's 2022 album Dance Fever, particularly King

like hell yeah let's get primal with it

and ok this is gonna clock my grew up as a theatre kid ass but still, to this day, Next To Normal.

listening to this show as a teenager who was just starting to hate my (wonderful awesome love her) mom was like......hoooooo. it blew open the my-parents-are-human empathy. idc about like whether or not this musical lives up to the insane hype it got in the late 2000s it just meant a lot to me personally.

also there's movies i guess! but if you're not already on the Everything Everywhere All At Once train idk what we're doing

then my oldest mom-centric media of all, so old that I'm not even sure how well it holds up to my current person sensibilities, Fruits Basket

the way her death is the inciting incident for everything that happens after, and how she's a ghost that haunts the rest of the story, at times a protective spirit and at other times a traumatic poltergeist, is like. i thought i was a 13yo reading a magical high school romance what's happening to me.

then of course the current rec, Priestdaddy by Patricia Lockwood

Lockwood is a poet and this is her memoir about growing up with a Catholic priest for a dad, something that in itself seems contradictory. it's phenomenal. i can't believe someone exists who's this good at writing. her relationship with her mother is hilariously, tenderly depicted and it's questioning and resentful and loving and there's a chapter about them called the cum queens of the hyatt palace and it's the funniest thing I've ever read

oops too many words

motherhood in media borders on fixation for me lol i don't always seek it out but when it's there I'm like AAAAAAAAH, AAAAAAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAH AAAAAH IS ANYONE ELSE SEEING THIS GRAAAAAHHHH!!!!

........oh and undertale. how could i forget Undertale.

#m2a #m2answers #not tagging all this shit lol yeah right!!!!! #i get into parent stuff in my writing every chance i freaking get #stream joat ch114 The Mother like comment subscribe for more toriel content

[thesongweave]

The Street Urchin (Or, Thea tells Gale about her earliest memories)

In which Thea spills her guts about her past to Gale after telling the companions something a little more fairy-tale ish. She's a bit sad about it (eh?) but has feels about her earliest childhood memories.

I'd been working on this one a bit - I was gonna try to get Kidnapped part 2 / 'Renewal' (the followup to The End / The Beginning) done first, but. I've been sick, am getting over it, but have no energy to fuel the creative brain juice right now.

Also, Thea, Gale, and blooming feels. Gale adopts Thea's nickname, too. Takes place in the Underdark.

Oh right, uh. Tragic backstory incoming.

The Street Urchin

They'd finally stopped for a rest - it was hard to tell if it was day or night, here in the Underdark. But, they'd had quite a day, so stop they did, to rest and nurse their various wounds. They’d travelled far, to say the least, finding first the myconid colony, then an abandoned wizards tower. Unfortunately, that tower still had some working defenses.

It had been…interesting, to say the least. Alathea was glad she had thought to pluck the sussur flowers earlier on, even if it had meant not having Gale to terribly close, lest they damnpened his magic.

Nevertheless, the flowers had come in handy, and were now far away from where the group made camp, just outside of the tower’s perimeter. The bard and friends would finish exploring the tower after resting, and then press on.

Alathea’s musings were interrupted when scents of dinner wafted past her nose. With a small smile, she dropped down from her perch atop the crumbling stone wall and headed to the fire pit.

Gale was on dinner duty that evening. The whole company always generally looked forward to the wizards cooking the most.

Hah, Alathea had thought when he first declared his knowledge of cooking, a wizard that cooks. There's a sight I had not thought to ever see.

But, cook he did, and rather well, too.

It was all ready in fairly short order - a stew, made from a mix of whatever rations they had, plus whatever they had managed to scrounge up. Mostly odd vegetables.

Karlachs boisterous laughter next to her snapped the elf out of her thoughts, dragging her gaze to whatever had her friends attention. Karlach was talking the others with a story of her youth, a rather obnoxious tavern brawl.

Alathea managed a smile - she was bone tired, but tried not to show it much around the others. They all seemed to lean on her for guidance, support, and leadership, and she was not so keen on looking like she could not handle it.

"What about you, Alathea? Surely you have a few wild stories to share." Wyll grinned, still chuckling over the ending of Karlachs tale.

The platinum blonde quirked an eyebrow. Sure, she had stories, but…

"What kind of story are you wanting? I've more stories than one may count, of course." She retorted with a smirk. It was hard to turn off the 'bardic charm', as Astarion called it, even here.

"Oooh, tell us – tell us about your childhood!' Karlach exclaimed. Her molten eyes turned to " 'Thea" with a grin. 

If Alathea was honest with herself, she was closest to, of all people, Karlach. 

And Gale. But that was so much more complicated. Or, it was getting that way.

"Indeed. Regale is with a escapade of your youth." Gale chimed in with his own laugh. 

Curse the wizard, the elf thought, that those big doe eyes and that charm could convince her to do anything…

Alathea cleared her throat. She'd shared very little of her past, despite the fact they had all been traveling together for – gods, how long now? A month, maybe two?

She was as good as dodging questions as she was at asking them, most days.

"Tch," came Lae'zels disapproving commentary. "Tell us how a performer comes to fight as you do."

Now, that was an easier question to answer. Thea could have kissed the githyanki just then.

"Well! When I was just a tiny thing–"

"You're not very big now, 'Thea." Karlach snickered. The tiefling barbarian was right – Alathea was not very tall, for an elf. Or all of her friends were just exceptionally tall. Either way, she came up right around Gale’s chin, and Karlach stood a good head or so taller than the wizard.

Alathea had to admit, Karlachs love of life and overall happy, passionate disposition, even when exhausted, could always cheer the bard up.

In a very dignified response, Alathea stuck her tongue out at the tiefling - her self proclaimed bodyguard. After all, she had said once, it would not do for the leader of our band to go and not have someone watching her back.

"As I was saying!" The others laughed. "When I was a girl, and had begun my training as a bard. My mentor had me running a message that day for her to a client. On my way back to our lodgings, I found myself surrounded by a group of other children. Urchins, the whole bunch, but all older than me and twice my size…."

Gale sat back casually, sipping at a glass of wine as Alathea told a rather dressed up story about a childhood scuffle when she was but an apprentice bard. The wizard lifted a brow at the antics.

For all that he enjoyed her stories, he had learned some of her quirks over the time they had all travelled together.

He could tell when the pretty bard was…embellishing a story.

Which was curious that she would bother, but such are the way of old habits, he supposed.

As she finished up her story, a question from Wyll caught his attention.

"Well, now that we have had a few fighting stories…I'm still curious, Alathea. You've never told us much - about your family, history,anything." The warlock turned devil had a rather intense express to his face. "You've mentioned you are from Baldurs Gate, but little else."

Gale frowned, mostly to himself. It was a good question, but not one he felt Wyll should be pushing if the elf did not want to share. The human wizard glanced at Alathea, but her expression was…off. Smiling, sweet, but…unreadable. A perfectly good performer’s expression, he thought, when she did not want to give anything away.

Alathea sighed rather dramatically. "Really,Wyll, it's nothing terribly -interesting-. But if i must…" the others in camp shifted, a bit eagerly to hear this story.

"Once upon a time, a young elven maid dreamed of adventure. She had a passion for music, and poetry, and yearned for freedom.  Baldurs Gate had become to confining - the parts she could get to, anyway. So, one night, she packed a few treasures and things, and snuck out of her home."

There was a dramatic pause as she took a sip of her drink. The companions eagerly awaited her to continue, enraptured in the tale.

Gale pondered that she wasn't using a charm spell of some variation - he certainly hadn't detected any use of magic, but the way that the group ( himself included, to an extent…) hung on her every word, it made him wonder. 

Alathea had a very practiced silver tongue. He had watched the bard charm anyone and everyone they had come across, whether it was promising aide, soothing a child's fear of harpies, or seeking information. 

Even so, he could not help but feel the there was something…hollow to the story she now told. 

"As she travelled, she fell in with another elf - a bard by trade, who had been seeking just the right apprentice. And 'lo, she took the young maid on, and taught her everything she knew. They traveled the Sword Coast, performing to the delight of all who heard them."

With a dramatic gesture, Alathea signaled the end of her story. The others clapped and chuckled, covering yawns that signaled the end of the evening. Slowly, they all dispersed to their bedrolls.

As Gale went to his tent, a movement caught his eye. And who would it be but Thea slipping away into the darkness. Curiosity got the better of him -so he followed, as quietly as he could. He was not so practiced at sneaking as Alathea or Astarion, so Gale winced at every sound caused by his boots.

She did not go far, just to a nearby cove of giant mushrooms. Briefly, he thought maybe he should leave her be, but… something gnawed at him. So he followed that instinct instead.

Within the small cove, he found Alathea at the edge, which opened up to a cliff side with a rather spectacular view of the Underdark below. The elf in question either didn't know he was there, or simply did not yet acknowledge his presence. 

Minutes passed, and soon an idle.plucking of strings reached his ears; Thea had brought her lute. Often enough he had found her,off by herself, plucking the strings of the well worn instrument.

"If you're going to stand there, wizard, you might as well come sit with me." She called at last, startling Gale out of his musings. "Unlike Astarion, I will not bite."

"Are you sure of that, Alathea?"

"Only if a wizard asks nicely." There was some amusement to her voice, even while she seemed miles away. Regardless, it did make him smile and chuckle, just a bit.

Gale picked his way over, taking a seat near the bard - but not to close, much as he wanted. Any closer and heay be tempted to.. well, those are thoughts for some other, far off day.

Instead, he watched her idly plucking at the strings a moment before speaking again. "That was a rather fantastical, charmed set of stories you told at dinner."

"Mm." Alathea did not stop plucking at the damn strings, stopping every now and then to turn a knob at the top of the lute.

Gale bit back a huff, shifting a bit to get more comfortable. When she did not immediately respond, he turned to look out at the valley below.

"It was all bullshit, of course. But they enjoyed it, so. Mission accomplished, I suppose." She finally said, interrupting the silence in a low, hushed tone.

Gale turned to her again, making a study of her facial expressions then. Well, what he could see, anyway. Softly, he muttered the words for casting Darkvision. 

There, that was better. Now he could make out the bards features. Rather than what he'd come to associate as her more.'public' self - the silver tongued charmer - she was…much more sedate. Thoughtful, even.

"Over the month - months, now?- of travel, it seems that you know a great deal more about us than we do you, Thea. They are simply curious, is all." Gale supplies.

"And you are not?"

"Oh, terribly so. But pressing you to share.. well. I think we've had that conversation."

They had, indeed,had such a conversation back in the Grove.

The memory made Thea smile. "Yes, I suppose we did. Respecting privacy, and all that." She went quiet again.

Gale took a long, deep breath. He was desperately curious, but he was trying not to pry into what was obviously a sensitive topic. "I do believe the phrase you used - and like to remind me of - was…what was it? Ah, "only taking what you were willing to give".

The bard was harder to crack than any spell he had ever tried to master. "Mm. Close enough. But that was more me speaking to you, you know."

"It works both ways."

Thea looked up at him, studied the wizard a long, uncomfortable moment. Finally, she dropped her gaze, releasing a deep sigh.

"It is easier, sometimes, to give others the soft, pretty lie they want to hear, rather than a harsh truth." She muttered, almost like a quote. "One of my first lessons as a bard, by the way. Mynthia was adamant on that one. A bard is a performer, our life a performance. We shroud ourselves in at least as much mystery as rogues, you know. Keeps the crowd guessing and wanting for more."

"Your friends are not a crowd to appease with a performance." Gale frowned.

"I know."

Alathea set the lute away, settling it on the ground next to her.

"You have been honest with me, Gale. And I suppose I owe you that in turn." He picked up the hesitance in her voice. The nervousness. "But are you sure you want to know?"

Gales frown softened. He understood the want for privacy, secrecy, even. He stood, then, resituating himself to sit beside the bard, almost shoulder to shoulder.

"Yes, quite sure. But only if you want to share, of course." His voice was soft, soothing, even.

Thea had her lute in her lap again, almost like a shield, Gale noted. He had noted before she almost hid behind her instrument at times, usually when she was nervous or unsure of something.

There was a prolonged silence, and he began to think she had changed her mind when she finally spoke again.

"My earliest memories are of a woman - my mother, I suppose - she was a two-bit whore for a hole in the wall tavern called the Hovel, in Gutter Row." It was almost a whisper when she spoke. Gale had almost missed it, and would have save that her voice was the only thing that broke the silence. “The very dregs of Baldurian society.”

He looked at her, then, rather surprised at this revelation, but she only stared at her lute, fingers silently touching but not plucking at the strings.

"When she wasn't whoring, she was drinking. And when she wasn't doing either of those, she was angry. Saddled with a bastard brat she didn't want, well." Alathea shrugged - through the tadpole connection, Gale could feel the ache, like an old wound that never fully healed, but one had learned to live with. "She liked to work that anger out. And often. Especially on the days she didn't, ah. Have enough work."

It made his heart ache for her. Hesitantly, he held up an arm in an unspoken offer. 

Thea glanced up, finally, at the rustle of cloth. Seeing the offered arm, she leaned in, resting her head on the wizards shoulder as he settled his arm around her.

"I learned how to be real quiet, and hide very well, given her temper. Then, one day…she was sick. A plague was spreading through the Row. I didn't know that then - I was…nine, maybe ten years old?" She made some non committal noise.

"She coughed for days - hacking, wheezing, before the blood and bile started coming up. I think it took three or four days before she was still and dead."

Thea's gaze was far away, staring out at nothing. It used to hurt, thinking back to those earliest of memories. She didn't really ever speak of them to anyone.

Gale wanted to say something, anything, to ease that ache. He opened his mouth, meaning to tell her she did not have to continue if she did not want, but Alathea pressed on before he could.

"The Fist had quarantined the Row, so to compound people, you know, dieing…we had nowhere to remove or put the dead. So bodies were piling in the street. Just made it all worse. Harper's were sneaking priests of Illmater in from the nearby temple, and they brought what food and aid that they could…"

"Thea–"

"Hush, now." She tried to sound light hearted about it, but really, the effort was weak at best. Gale gave her shoulder a squeeze he hoped was reassuring, and fell silent again.

"So, we had dead piled in the streets, the sickness was getting worse; people were starving, and angry. The place was a matchbox, really, kindle ready to light up. And light up it did. Not sure what happened, but one night the whole Row caught fire. By some luck, some Harper's were there - they'd been smuggling out anyone they could that wasn't sick that they could find. And here I was, stuck in a ramshackle lean-to with a week old corpse I couldn't move, and fire tearing down the little bit of world I knew. One of those Harper's found me, just as that little lean-to about to collapse."

Alathea paused, then, taking a deep, shuttering breath. It was easy, talking to Gale. They'd shared many discussions over the time they had been travelling together, many laughs and many secrets.

This, though, was a new level of trust, at least for the bard. But, she felt, he had given her that level of trust a while ago, trusting her with the information about his condition, even if he had feared she would turn him away, and he had alternatively offered to leave. 

Of course, she didn't - couldn't- turn him away. She wasn't sure now what had kept her from sharing her story with Gale sooner, save that she feared what his opinion of her might be once he knew.

Alathea scooted in, just a bit more into Gales one armed embrace. He smelled of old books, magic - rosewater and lavender. It was nice, comforting, to be held.

Safe.

It was so hard to feel safe these days.

"So, there you go. A little gutter-rat nobody is all I am, really." She murmured.

Gale shifted,turning so he was almost facing Alathea, which made her straighten up. He kept his hand on her shoulder.

Again, she refused to look up, to meet his gaze.

The wizard tucked the fingers of his free hand under her chin, gently tilting her face up. "You are hardly a nobody, Thea. Especially not to me."

Surprised, she met his gaze then, curious and confused at what she saw there. Where she expected pity and maybe disgust, she saw understanding, sympathy, and something else she wasn't sure of.

It was the first time he had called her Thea. The bard swallowed, feeling a lump in her throat even as something fluttered in her chest.

"I, well — uhm." Gale had her at a rare loss for words. "Thank you."

Gods, she could melt in that smile and those brown eyes.

Gale had wanted to encourage her, inspire and reassure her, as she had been doing for him, but the words died on his lips. Instead he leaned forward, eyes half lidded, reaching out through the tadpole connection, using it to let her 'feel'.

A shiver passed through Thea's spine at the connections, both mental and physical. Green eyes fluttered shut completely, absorbing and reveling in the closeness.

"We should.. probably head back. It is late." Gale murmured softly at last. He was loathe to break the connection, but weariness from the day had finally caught up with him.

The wizards breath tickled at Thea's lips, they were still sitting that close. It would be so easy to lean in, and…

She jerked back as the thought occurred, red staining her cheeks to the tips of her ears. Had he seen that, like before in the Weave?

Gale just smiled that mysterious smirk as if he knew a secret he shouldn't. Even so, he stood, brushed himself off, and offered a hand to help Thea up.

"Shall we?"

She nodded, gathered her lute, and slipped her hand into his. His touch was warm and welcome, and held on to her as they walked back to camp. Only when they reached the edges of the camp did their hands part.

"Goodnight, Thea."

"Sweet dreams, Gale. And… thank you."

#bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #gale of waterdeep #tav x gale #gale dekarios #gale x tav #bg3 companions #bg3 gale #gale bg3 #gale romance

[tactlesstuesdays]

so i wrote smthn (one chapter) ages ago for this fic idea i had with teacher bose and parent mika so in absence of my writing, have this old piece of work that i don't like

Bose had never wanted to be a teacher. Seriously. The profession had never once crossed any corner of his mind. It's just that when he got to University, there had been a teacher training course and he'd thought fuck it. He was informed he had the capability (something he'd never been told before; he was basically putty in the Head of Education's hands then) and he took a course in Education and learnt to teach the youth. Because how hard could it be?

Of course, he knows now how hard it is. He's addicted to coffee, his eyes permanently glazed over until his body is buzzing with the addictive caffeine. Parents never have any spatial awareness because no, he doesn't want to discuss their kid's behaviour at nine in the evening. Plus, Bose has never enjoyed being the centre of attention. He's cried at every single birthday party he's ever had and his parents just kept on inviting more and more and more. It got him the nickname Blubbering Bose; not his finest moment, definitely.

Though it wasn't all bad. At any holiday, he'd trek home with his baskets full to the brim of chocolates, candies, anything festive at all, and a favourite teacher mug. Since he started teaching, he's never had to buy any of his own mugs. Some kids are genuinely surprising, too; it was no surprise to have a few nutcases or bad eggs, but an academically thriving child was a rainbow after a fucking storm. Sure, he only taught second grade, but he knew a brain box when he met one. Like this one kid, 'Theo' was an absolute whizz, destined to be one of the greats and, if given the chance, could teach the class a whole lot better than Bose could. Bose had only known the kid for one semester (his old school offered a lower salary than his current one, so a transfer was inevitable), but he was incredible. Just like she was, presumably, still is. Bose hoped she was doing well.

But all of that couldn't efface the day every teacher dreads. Parent's evening. It'd be alright if the parents didn't consider themselves as entitled snobs just because they didn't choose to teach as a profession. Bose is half way certain that if they could, they'd make him eat his degree and overall regret his entire higher education. He tends to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Too kind for your own good.

Bose pauses. Stuck at this classroom's sink. His mug half haphazardly lowered in the sink, coffee still swimming in it. He loathed the way her voice sounds now. Distorted and ugly. Something that his memory doesn't allow her to be. She could've broken his bones. Over and over. Could've broken every single 206 of them and he'd have still crumpled at her feet and beg forgiveness. She wouldn't allow him, though. Too kind to be wicked. Too ambitious to stay. He rolls his head on his neck, enjoying the low crack that follows. She wasn't wicked. He had to stop portraying her like that.

Bose crashes his cup down with a thud before deserting the sink. His mind still swirling. The room is loud and eerily echoing with the parents muddled in the room and teachers verbally bashing children politely, or atleast as much as they can. Bose forces a tight line on his lips to avoid a harsh bark of laughter. He glances down with shaking hands at the stack of papers. Ranging from actual important information on the children to drawings done secretly in lesson time that they can't scold for because it would hinder creativity. Bose clicks his tongue. The kids couldn't even draw a stickman if they wanted to.

With his brows furrowed, his eyes begin to brush the children's printed names, blurring red lines pierced through all the previous names. A name sits neatly on the page 'Theodore Buckley'. The grin that frames his cheeks in a precise crease is implausible. Theodore is easy to brag about. He doesn't know the parents' names. Theodore doesn't talk much about them. Refusing to if mentioned. And if Bose was to overhear Theo's conversation, only his Mom would receive a pedestal. His father was vacant in everything.

A sharp and unexpected cough pierced the silence that had started to swarm Bose. Bose's heart leapt to choke his throat and his fingers froze. He cautiously raised his head to the source of the sound. His face automatically slack and his eyes bulging out of the sockets.

Shit.

"Mika?"

#danger force #bose o'brien #mika macklin #writing #bomika #i hate this #but have it #just because i feel bad #teacher bose tho #also my hatred for the school system #and parents evening

[haywire-cebus]

Linked Universe Soul Eater AU

i coouuullld work on the long linked universe fic i have been slowly chipping away at

but instead ive decided to type of the lu soul eater au ive had cooking in my brain since i first got covid. it is the nature of all humankind (me) to have soul eater au/headcanons for all things i like. lu is no different. please feel free to talk to me about this im obsessed with it

sky: he is a meister. at first, it was him a sun against the world (meaning, in class at dwma). sun is a shield weapon, and while that made fighting-styles need to get creative, they always managed. however, during an adventure, they find a student named fi, a sword-weapon, and she joins them as sky’s sword. so now he’s like a full, cool knight. during that adventure, however, Something Happens, and the kishin Demise they were fighting traps fi in her sword form. it’s horribly tragic, and sky and sun can feel her getting quieter and quieter as time goes on. they don’t know how to stop it, and its scary. they also team up with groose, whose two weapons (his friends in the game) are gun/cannons. i just feel like groose deserves a gun.

four: he is one guy, a meister. (i was tempted to make him his split brothers pretending to be twins and not four of them, and theyre all weapons tho) but really, its four. he went on his first adventure with a much older weapon (the minish cap enzlo) as a mentor, but at the end enzlo basically said ‘its time for me to retire.’ four then moved to death city to figure himself out, and immediately got wrapped up in a witch’s plan, vaati, who wanted to figure out what makes meister and weapon souls tick. he kidnapped four and broke his soul into pieces. at first, four thought it was only four pieces, but eventually realized vaati ripped a piece of him out and infused it with some black blood, and poof! out comes shadow, a weapon. (kinda like crona, but separate body). the soul fuck-up also, temporarily, split four into four people (because. idk. magic. and soul eater bc. let me have this ok.) and while at the end, four fused back into himself, shadow stayed separate, though he can hop into four’s shadow at will. four then goes back to death academy, and tries to hide shadow as best he can. the deku tree finds out, of course, but lets him keep it a secret. they pretend like all that happened was he got turned into a weapon, and so shadow hides because theyre all scared of people hating him for being the pure essence of black blood (when the chain finds out, its obviously all sympathy and love and a little “holy shit thats awesome”)

shadow mostly turns into a scythe, because thats what vaati wanted in a weapon (he took the term “death scythe” too literally), but he can sometimes turn into a glaive/staff that holds pseudo-elemental attacks, and him and four are working on him holding that form more bc hit makes him more comfortable. four also cant split anymore, but the four pieces of himself are still separate. sometimes they work together smoothly, but sometimes its a cacophony of noise and yelling and migraines.

also due to his... i hesitate to call it adventure. but due to everything four is very good at reading souls. he figures out twilight and midna’s whole deal right away, and pieces together warrior’s fairly quickly. he can tell legend and wild have more forms than they send to show off, and can read hryule’s soul better than hryule can for himself (and learns things about hyrule that he doesnt even know about himself.) but four is a good kid and keeps this all to himself (and yet, still doesnt tell the others about himself. bc hes scared of them being freaked out)

time: he and his wife, malon, are a badass duo, honestly. malon is a death scythe, though her real form is a huge, sickass claymore. they live on campus, and spend most of their time tending to the garden and outdoor parts of campus. they occasionally go on missions, but try not to because they went through enough as youth (taking on a full-fledged kishinn(majora and the fierce deity stuff) and absorbing part of its soul into your body to stop it will make you a little tired of fighting, and that was only their second adventure). time, however, cant stop himself from bonding with and wanting to protect all these new students, and it doesnt help the hero worship a lot of them have towards him.

as for times past, he was dropped off on the academy’s doorstep as a baby, and raised by the deku tree himself. when he was old enough to begin classes, he was a little... out of touch with people his own age because of this, and some folks were pretty mean to him. and then he met malon, and had the biggest case of puppy love/crush possible (but he couldnt figure out his own feelings). they teamed up for a while, got far in their schooling, saved the world. the normal stuff a student does there. that first adventure took it out of him though, so he just kinda... disappeared for a while without telling anyone. malon got pissed, of course, but not fully at him, more at... the world for not being better about helping everyone after these horrible adventures. she goes after him, finds him fighting a kishin by himself, no weapon, mostly a soul-battle, and helps him finish the fight. he’s now missing an eye, has half a kishin in him, and she expects him to be even more broody and awkward, but hes just so happy to see her. (he doesnt confess then, though). they go back together, take a little time to rest and heal, graduate, malon becomes a death scythe, and only then does time confess. malon gives him a “i was waiting for you to be ready :)” and theyre very, very happy. or, as happy as you can be in this world.

legend: he is a weapon, and he can transform into tons of different weapons, like wild, but while wild’s are more... traditional weapons, legends can turn into a sword, a shield, and the most random weapons one can conceive of (meaning, the cooler more flashy ones you see in soul eater, and also his massive amounts of tools in lu). this poor kid has gone on so many missions, mostly entirely by himself, as his own mesiter, basically. he fought with ravio for a while, when they met, because they were soul-compatible, but ravio quickly decided being a meister wasn’t for him. they still room together in death city (also may rename this deku city if i rename the school to deku weapon and meister academy. even if it is funny to have the happy big tree’s city named death city). legend was on his own for a while in school, until he met hyrule

hyrule: he is a meister. he never found a weapon he was compatible with, and instead carried around just a regular sword while scraping through his classes (other students were like, is this allowed??? but death (the deku tree, bc i think its funny to make the deku tree death in this au) was like ‘lmao he’s managing to complete all the missions we send him on, so why not.’) hyrule and legend are eventually on a mission together, and in a jam, hyrule is like ‘please let me try to fight with you’ and legend is like ‘fucking fine. you burn your hands bc i’m not compatible with anyone, thats not my problem.’ and then it works and they kick fucking ass together, tho hyrule struggles to use legend in any form other than sword, and legend hates being in sword-form (bc past trauma he refuses to talk about until it messes with their compatibility. they have a little character arc and hyrule trains using legend in other forms and legend is more comfortable in sword form. and yes the trauma is marin-related. when he partnered with ravio, he never went into sword form)

hyrule is also good at soul resonance and attacks and stuff (like maka and stein). he just has no real training on it bc where he grew up, all the weapons stuff and soul stuff was seen as taboo, so even as he’s actively learning about it all in his classes and knows his kind of abilities are seen as cool and useful, he doesnt want to tell people. (legend eventually finds out and helps him find someone to teach him about it. that someone is time. hyrule quickly becomes super good at it all)

twilight: while not a witch, he is the child of a witch and a human. he was abandoned in a village as a baby, and they raised him communally as their own (though, of course, rusl takes him in the most) he doesnt have any magical powers, but when a witch (zant) came to his village and cursed everyone, he managed to survive by just being cursed into his wolf-form. he had never trained to use a weapon, but quickly meets midna (zant’s half-sister. shes technically a witch, but shes also a weapon. shes a very very weak witch in terms of magic.) on his journey. what follows his basically what youd expect, but he never loses midna companionship in this au. the two of them go to death city and enroll in classes and begin training. only time and the deku tree/death know about his wolf form, which he keeps hidden due to the prejudice again witches in the school. when he first meets wild, who has no memories and is so confused with the world, he just got back from a mission. he immediately latches onto him and helps him figure things out.

also midna turns into these cool as gauntlet/gloves things. with them, twi can hookshot (launch one and the fist goes out and retracts), punch so so good, and charge up for Shadow Blast things for ranged attacks.

warriors: He is actually a weapon, though he hides this from literally everyone. before he came to death academy (which im considering renaming Deku Academy, bc the deku tree is death in this au), he was guilted into being the weapon for a girl named cia. her sister always suspected something was off, but lana never spoke up bc her sister was always there when she tried. eventually, he learned that cia was helping a kishin and was going to try to feed him human souls so they could be powerful (and together) forever, and he got the FUCK outta there. he told himself he would never turn into a weapon again, and he met athena (his zelda. i like that name better for her bc shes literally the goddess of wisdom and warfare), a rapier weapon who could also turn into a bow. (yes i like when the weapons turn into things. its cool also also lets me keep more sword imagery while still giving the boys different weapon options) he teams up with her and they fight, and no one suspects wars is also a weapon bc of how good he is at disguising his soul (he’s only good with his own tho, he can’t read others for shit).

wind: a meister. he grew up in a coastal town, training with some older weapon and meister duos but never really focusing too much on it, until a bird-witch kidnaps his sister. he teams up with his childhood friend, tetra, to get her back. tetra doesnt know shes a weapon at this point (i dont remember if thats how that works in soul eater but shh my au my rules) until she discovers that during the mission. she can turn into a hammer, which functions (obviously) like a hammer, but also as a hookshot (the top flings off, turns sharp, and then retracts), or the sides of the head of the hammer open and suck/blow wind very powerfully (like the gust jar). they get his sister back and wind and terta are like “that was fucking awesome wanna do that forever?” and then they go to death city to go to school.

wild: he is a weapon, like tsubaki, and can turn into basically any weapon he chooses. his zelda, flora, is his meister. they first met when wild first showed that ability to his parents, and wilds family brought him to flora’s father so she could be his meister. this is the past, because i want it to be. so flora’s dad is rich and pays his family for him to be flora’s weapon. wilds family isnt malicious about it, theyre just struggling to get by. they technically give wild a choice in it and ask him if he’s okay, but wild is young and knows this is how he can help his family, so he doesnt really see “no” as an option. he figures he can rise up in station here (tho this is only 100 years before everything else, so the world isnt too “social classes are you stay where you were born unless you become a knight and we still have noblemen and stuff,” but it’s still there. its actually fading, which is why flora’s dad is so intent on her being a good and powerful meister, and why he’s picking a weapon from a lower social class at all (its also bc wilds ability is rare)).

so wild is raised side by side with flora, who hates him like in canon (meaning she doesn’t hate him, just hates how easy it is for him to access his different forms and he he goes along with his lot in life. she just wants to go to school and be her own person, but her dad wants her to be a world-famous meister). hes still not treated super well (he’s not floras equal in the eyes of her father), but he can go visit his family on their days off from training and stuff. eventually, they go on a mission to stop a well-known kishin. flora is extremely good at soul stuff, and basically locks him in place when he mortally wounds wild. wild is taken away by their battle companion impa and her meister, to Death Academy (where they had gone to study occasionally, but still mostly stayed with flora’s father and his private tutors), where he is put into stasis and sleeps for a hundred years. flora and the kishin, known as Calamity, are locked away as the soul-battle rages in in their minds. one hundred years later, wild wakes up with no memories but a voice calling out to his soul. he trains, on his own, because no meister can hold onto him, and goes out on his own to get flora back. he fights by himself with only parts of his body transformed, gets flora, and takes her back to the school, where the two of them rest. now they get to acclimatize to life 100 years in the future. flora struggles because she should be sad- her dad is long gone, wild doesnt fully remember her, everything is different, but at least she can study like she always wanted to.

she still wields wild like a badass, though wild tends to take missions on his own without telling her so they pass the fighting-oriented classed while flora focuses on her studies. she notices only half the time (not for a want of trying tho, wild is just really sneaky)

as of now, i dont have any real... plot with these. just everyones backstories and stuff. but i love the idea of the deku tree making time and malon take all these students on a field trip, which quickly spirals into a whole adventure.

#linked universe #lu wild #lu legend #lu time #lu twilight #lu warriors #lu hyrule #lu wind #lu sky #lu four

[bangtae-sohotddaeng]

tripping on skies, sipping waterfalls | k.th.

pairing: art-student!taehyung x creative-writing-student!reader 

rating: m (18+)

genre: angst | smut | fluff | humor | college!au | established relationship!au

summary: One drink too many at Hoseok’s Halloween party, and you’ve blanked out on the entire night that followed. Now, who’s gonna fill you in when Taehyung looks one second away from breaking into tears when you bring it up with him? From running across the university campus in remnants of your vampire outfit, to dealing with your downtrodden boyfriend’s disappointed stares - you’re left with one hell of a day, and zero recollections.

warnings: swearing + talks of alcohol (literally the whole tHEME of the story) + casual use of the word “amnesia” by careless college students + sexual situations (nudity, semi-public sexual acts, really explicit makeout sessions, dry-humping, lil bit breast play, lil dirty talking, fingering) + love bites galore.

word count: 19.2 k

note: so. issa a humongous beast, i know. i literally cannot fathom how i wrote these many words without posting anything in between. also, believe it or not, i fleshed out the plot for this fic all the way back in June, 2019. it's taken me nearly two years and a HELL LOTTA editing to the basic storyline to finally be able to finish this off. also, i extended this AU to include all the boys, so...kinda had to rope in their stories, too, lol. hope you enjoy this while i go slave off on the rest of the six fics~ 🥺💜

💟 YOUTH – 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

— masterlist

— feedback is always appreciated!

A knock sounded, seemingly coming from the end of a miles long tunnel. You groaned, pursing your lips against the pounding that echoed in your head in response.

Gosh, what was this? Why was your mind so freaking foggy? What did you do last n—

"Angel? Are you in there with hyung?"

You wrinkled your nose, always hating how your boyfriend's entire group of friends had taken to address you by the pet name he gave you—to the limit where you legitimately didn't always remember that "angel" wasn't your name. They said it was somewhat of a "norm" in their group that came into practice when Jin forbade them all from saying his girl's name. Or getting too friendly by calling her “noona” in a really creepy way.

You'd had eight months' experience of this idiocy now, but that didn't make you cringe any less whenever you heard the address.

You tried swallowing past the sand in your mouth, eyebrows wrinkling as you willed your brain to interpret what the voice said beyond your "name."

And then it registered.

In there? With hyung? 

What the hell?

"What? No, hyung, I can’t just rattle the knob to check—what? I might have heard some... wait. Why? What? No! Noona is—no, she's an adult, I'm sure she can make her own decisions! I’m not going to—I'm disconnecting the call, Namjoon-ssi, this is so uncomfortable!"

Your eyes fluttered open in pitch black darkness. 

Namjoon-ssi? Who was referring to your dumbheaded best friend with such respect?

Wait, wait, wait.

…noona?

Only one person called you…

"Jungkook?" you muttered, wincing at how horrible you sounded.

Releasing a deep breath, you came to the conclusion that you were dealing with a hangover. A really, really bad hangover, because your recollection of how you got to this point was nil.

Blinking, you opened your eyes wider, looking around in an attempt to catch bearings of where you were, because the overwhelming heat wrapped around your body definitely didn't remind you of your cold ass dorm room.

You squirmed, attempting to stick your feet out of the warm covers that seemed to be stifling you whole, specifically your legs and your midsection.

"Nuuuu~nghhh…"

You froze.

What the—?

The voice—well, more of a groan that you couldn't really comprehend—had come from somewhere near your rib cage. 

You pulled your arms down from where they were rested under your pillow, wincing at the soreness that'd taken residence in them. With slight shaky fingers, you reached over to where you hoped the nightstand would be. To your luck, your fingers brushed over a smooth table top before bumping into what felt like a button that could belong to a bedside lamp.

Swallowing the cotton wool lodged in your throat, you pressed down with your index and middle fingers, immediately hissing in discomfort when blinding light burned your corneas.

"Whaaa~nuuuuu…"

Something soft brushed against the underside of your boobs. Your eyes immediately snapped open wide, disregarding the killer headache that ensued. Your heart was pounding hard, fear climbing up your windpipe as you looked down.

Your naked boobs greeted your line of vision, followed by a mop of black hair.

You heaved in a huge gulp of air.

No. 

No, no, no, no, this couldn't—

Was this—

Did you—

Were you naked?

You didn't realise when your eyes had squeezed shut, but they fluttered open when a contented hum echoed around you, a small gust of warm breath brushing against your stomach.

"Uh…" You wanted to say something to the fluffy, dark hair moving around over your abdomen, but you were at a loss. 

Why was he lying over your naked body? God, was he naked, too?

What the heck had happened last night?

"Whoa." The fluffball on your abdomen moved completely, and a pair of round, pretty eyes connected with yours past your bared breasts. "What a beautiful sight to wake up to. Good morning, baby."

You involuntarily shivered at your boyfriend's gravelly morning voice. The damn pitch that was deeper than the ocean on the regular, tended to penetrate the layers of the earth itself when he woke up.

But…

Oh, God. You had only ever seen him topless. And only seen, not even touched. Or more. So, waking up to being topless and under him was making your heart beat out of your chest, and your body burn with sparks, all over.

"Um, Tae…"

"Hmm?" Plump lips connected to your skin, dragging over the sides of your breasts.

Your breathing was immediately unsteady even when your eyes widened in alarm. "T—Tae, wait…" You swallowed thickly when he climbed up your body and set his hands on the bed next to your pillow, his face hovering inches above yours.

You breathed in, preparing to speak past the bundle of nerves in your throat, and—froze. 

A corner of your lips twitched.

His eyes were surrounded by huge pools of black, that you could now recall was eyeliner that you'd meticulously applied on him, last evening. The bright red lipstick he'd gone for in order to finish off his vampire look, was now smudged all the way down to his chin. 

Despite the killer throbbing in your head and your panic at your state of undress, you couldn't hold back a fit of laughter at the sight. "Tae, baby—your makeup…" You managed to mumble between bouts of uncontrollable giggles.

Taehyung just grinned at you, shaking his head in silent humor. "As if you're any better. Ooh, look at this!" His eyes suddenly widened, focusing on your neck. "Your neck looks like you got attacked by a vampire, baby."

You smacked his chest with a harrumph, ignoring the warm, firm feel of it, rolling your eyes when he broke into laughter. "Pretty sure you were the one that did it, smartass."

"Well. I don't see a problem with it. We were supposed to be vampire mates, after all." Flashing you a smirk that would've been a lot more irresistible to you if it weren't for all the smudged lipstick on his face, Taehyung rolled off your body to sit at the edge of the bed. "This headache, though… ugh…" He groaned, massaging his forehead with a hand. "How much did we have to drink, Angel?

You slowly sat up in bed, dragging the sheets to cover yourself all the way up to your neck. Your brows furrowed in concern. How much did you have to drink, for real? The way you couldn't seem to recall literally anything from the party last night was kind of a sign that it had gone beyond your limits.

Clearing your throat in nervousness, you lifted the edge of the sheet to take a peek at yourself, breathing a tiny sigh of relief on finding your panties still wrapped around your hips. So at least you hadn't gone all the way, right?

Right?

"Hey, Tae," you called out, stopping your boyfriend on his way to the bathroom. He was clad only in a pair of boxers that accentuated his plump butt, which was also a first time experience for you, but you figured that it was better than nothing. "We, uh, what did we do last night?"

Taehyung looked at you over his shoulder, brows slightly creased in confusion. "What? We went to Hobi hyung's Halloween party, baby, dressed as vampires. Hence the makeup…?"

You shook your head, gulping down your nerves. Taehyung had completely turned around to look at you, now, arms crossed against his bare chest. In spite of the ridiculously smudged makeup on his face, he made a damn appealing sight. You willed your gaze to not stray down to his sculpted thighs for the sake of your own sanity.

"Angel?"

"I—I mean...after," you mumbled with flaming cheeks. 

Your asshole of a boyfriend grinned wickedly at that, moving his hands to place them on his hips. "Uh huh. After, baby? What do you think?" He gave you an exaggerated wink.

You looked down at your fingernails, your entire body almost shivering out of nervousness and each one of your nerve endings inducing sparks all across your body. You were pretty sure you were blushing all the way from your ears, down to your chest.

Soft thumps of feet padding across the floor echoed around the room. You felt his warmth near you before his fingers tapped beneath your chin, prompting you to look up.

You did, eyes widened and breathing halted.

Taehyung's brows were lowered and lips pursed together as he looked at you with soft, concerned eyes. "Do you…do you not remember anything?"

The hesitation in his voice almost caused your heart to stop beating. Why was he being like this? Had the two of you actually done it, last night?

And…you didn't even remember anything?

"Angel?"

"Oh, God, Taehyung! Why do I not remember?" you suddenly cried out. 

"Hey, hey, baby, it's okay!"

What? No, it wasn't.

You'd had sex with your boyfriend for the first ever time after eight months of dating, four out of which you'd spent dreaming extremely lewd and inappropriate dreams about him, and now―and now you didn't remember it!

"I'll go take a shower, and then we can talk about last night. Okay, baby? Hey, look at me," Taehyung softly spoke to you, carding long, elegant fingers of one of his hands through your hair. He cupped your cheek with the other. "Don't worry, Angel, you're just hungover right now. I'm sure it'll all come back once your head's feeling better."

You swallowed thickly, kinda pissed at yourself for feeling so emotional about this, but kinda more pissed at your drunk self for doing the do with the love of your life when she knew she was too far gone to retain the memories.

"I love you, baby," said love of your life murmured to you, leaning in to peck your forehead softly.

"Love you too, baby," you mumbled back, watching, from the corner of your eye, as his shapely ass made its way down the room and into the bathroom.

You exhaled, loudly. Even though you loved him beyond measure and trusted him completely, you didn't wanna talk to Taehyung, right now. He remembered everything from last night, and the torn, hesitant, kinda hurt look in his eyes made you feel insecure and disadvantaged.

You knew you had to cure your hangover first, vent out about how dumb you felt, and have someone reassure you that forgetting about your first time with your boyfriend wasn't the end of the world, before having that conversation with Taehyung.

And you also knew how you were gonna accomplish that.

You needed your best friend.

You’d already pounded on the door like crazy twice by the time you first heard movement from inside. What the hell was Namjoon busy with now? Hadn't he called Jungkook up just a while earlier, causing the boy to wake you up?

It was one o'clock on a Sunday morning, anyway. There was no way someone like Namjoon was busy.

Wait. Hadn’t he been at the party last night, too? You couldn’t really recall, to be honest.

God, what was Hobi serving last night? 

Tapping your feet impatiently, you scratched at your cheek. The water base, super dry moisturiser you’d stolen from your boyfriend’s roommate was definitely not meant to suit your skin type. But you had no choice. You were in a crisis. You had needed to escape the dorm before Taehyung came out of the bathroom, and you couldn’t have exactly walked out with the remnants of last night’s vampire makeup all over your face.

You looked down at your ridiculous attire consisting of the leather shorts you wore last night, topped with a huge, off white sweatshirt you'd found lying over the living room couches. You guessed it was Taehyung's, but you were, embarrassingly, not completely certain and it very well could have been Jungkook's. Either way, it didn't really matter, ’cause, as mentioned before, you were in a freaking crisis. Your feet were wrapped up in the spare pair of bathroom slippers you kept at Tae's.

Exhaling loudly, you pulled up your arm to bang heavily against the damn door, again. "Where the fuck are you, Namjoon? Open up!"

Mere seconds later, grumbles seeped through the door to you, and then it was slowly unbolted.

You were gonna straight up fall into Namjoon and legit beg him to comfort you until your body melted—

"Well, hello there, sexy cheeks! What a pleasant surprise!"

You groaned aloud. Just what you needed to make this morning a bigger headache—your best friend's roadside romeo, can-never-keep-it-in-his-pants, creep of a roommate. "Jackson. Get the fuck out of my w—"

"And, FYI, I was referring to your ass cheeks."

You gritted your teeth. "Where's Joon?"

The cocky guy in front of you shifted to set his hips against the doorjamb. "Sleeping. He came in late, last night. That damned loser was at the party till two am on a Saturday night, and didn’t even bring a girl back home. What a fucking waste."

You squinted at him. "Bullshit. He called Jungkook earlier."

"Yeah, well, he went back to sleep after that. It's Sunday, sexy cheeks, even a nerd like Joon is allowed to sleep in today. He's been working his ass off at the library for a couple nights, anyway."

"Stop stereotyping him." You rolled your eyes. "Will you move?"

Jackson's silver blonde hair moved across his forehead as he tilted his head to look at you with a sly grin. "What if I refuse?"

"I'll stab you and walk over your body."

His eyes momentarily widened, but then he gave a nervous giggle. "O–oh? We won't want that to happen now, would we? Come on in, sexy cheeks!"

"Stop calling me that!" you snapped, walking into the dorm and heading straight towards Namjoon's bedroom.

"What? But that's my pet name for you! I don't wanna call you Angel like the rest of the fucking college!"

"It's just seven guys, Wang, jeez. Also, I actually have a name?" you yelled over your shoulder, fiddling with the awful door knob on Namjoon's bedroom door that was almost always jammed. Like it was right now. Good God!

"Your name? That's so mainstream, babe, have some respect for my vibe, at the very least."

"I'm not your babe!"

"But you could be!"

"I'll slap you, Jackson, shut the—" you broke off with a grunt as the doorknob finally twisted free. But your relief had a super short life, because then you had to nearly cause your shoulder to rupture when you tried to get the door to budge. "Why does this idiot not complain about getting this shitty fucking door changed? He'll get stuck in there someday and die, I'm telling you."

"Whoa. You're contemplating way too many murders for a Sunday morning, sexy cheeks. All okay?"

You shot him a glare over your shoulder. "You want me to actually commit one of them?"

Jackson's eyes widened and he slowly retracted his steps to the kitchen, where he presumably was before he came to open the door, given the apron he'd tied over his muscle tee and the random patches of white powder that covered his exposed upper arms. You rolled your eyes once again, and gave a particularly hard push to the door, making yourself stumble in as the door suddenly opened.

Namjoon stood on the other side, though, eyes barely open and silver blonde hair mussed. 

He was shirtless, in the process of trying to unwind a twisted up t-shirt. "Whoa, whoa—hol' up—when did I say you could come in?"

You paused. Your eyebrows lowered. Your eyes narrowed. The audacity?!

"I've seen you pantless, Namjoon," you deadpanned. 

"Wha—is that even a word—"

"Dude, I've seen your penis when it wasn't as big as my pinky toe!"

"Okay, hang on now, it's got to be at least the pinky finger—"

"We were four. It was the pinky toe." You exhaled when Namjoon gave up and went back to getting into a t-shirt over his plaid shorts. "Are you not looking at me, right now? Do you not see what kind of a wreck I am? What sort of a best friend are you?"

"Uh, a sleep deprived one? And, for the record, I actually am not looking at you, 'cause my eyes aren't exactly open and functioning at the moment, anyway."

You shot him a glare, but then exhaled and slumped down on his bed with your shoulders drooped. "I fucked up, Joonie."

Namjoon stopped in the process of blindly hunting for his glasses in the top drawer of his nightstand. He looked at you, complete with his swollen ass eyes and bee stung lips. You would have laughed if your own tragedy wasn't laughable in itself.

"Stop gawking!"

Namjoon shut his mouth and straightened up. "I, uh… You fucked up? Kinda hard to swallow. You're an inspiration to everyone, babe. Angel never fucks up."

You groaned a little upon hearing the wretched "pet name" tumble so smoothly from your best friend's lips. "Angel? Really, Joon?"

Namjoon shrugged, standing on his toes and extending his arms above his head in a full body stretch before he settled on the twin bed next to you. "I've got to, hun. You know how Jin hyung gets when he hears any of us call you anything but Angel."

"He's not here right now, though, is he?"

"Well, I'm trying to practice." He shrugged a shoulder. "So, are you here to pointlessly argue with me, or are you here to discuss how, exactly, did you fuck up? You were with Tae last night from what I gathered out of Jungkook's flustered half-sentences. Did something happen between you guys?"

"Yes?" You grimaced. And then you thickly swallowed. "I… I had sex with Taehyung.”

You looked at him when Namjoon had been silent for too long. He was blinking at you. "I don't see any fucking up happening, Angel, only fucking Tae."

Oh, how you'd slap him into the next galaxy if you had the energy at the moment. "Kim Namjoon, I swear to God—"

"Okay, okay, sorry. So. How does having sex with your boyfriend equate to fucking up? What'd I miss?"

You sighed. "I was completely hammered, and don't remember a single thing."

Namjoon's eyebrows rose very slowly. "Wait…what?"

You frowned. "Don't make me repeat it, Joon."

"I'm not, girl, but. Just. I—I don't seem to comprehend."

"I had sex with him for the first fucking time, Namjoon, and I don't remember a single detail! You know, I wanted to know how it all went down, how intense, sexy and gorgeous he looked on top of me. I wanted to save it to my memory. If he was on top. Otherwise, what he looked like when desperate and begging below me."

"Wait—"

"But I remember nothing! I'm so embarrassed, Joon! Maybe he put those gorgeous ass fingers of his to good use. I bet he did!"

"Hey—"

"I don't even know if he ate me out or if I sucked him off, because I would have loved to, before we—"

"Holy fuck, stop! I don’t wanna hear that, gross!" Namjoon pressed both his palms against his ears, his face pulled into an expression of utter disgust. His mouth opened, probably to give you a piece of scolding, but then his gaze dropped to your exposed collarbones and his eyebrows raised. He removed his hands with wide eyes. "Now, I don’t know about those dirty freaking details, and I don’t want to—but I can guess that your night was definitely passionate. Maybe a bit rough."

You frowned, following his line of sight—

And then sprung to your feet with a loud gasp. "Holy fucking shit! What the hell—"

"Whoa—"

You gripped the neckline of the hoodie and tugged it away from your chest. "He left bruises, Joon, these aren't just bites!"

"Wait, wait—"

"God damn—" You struggled to wrestle the hoodie off your body.

"No—"

"I need to fucking see, Joon—"

"But I don't!" Namjoon squeaked. 

You managed to remove the hoodie completely, your hands busy patting around your boobs to feel for bruises. You looked up at your best friend to find him turned away with both his palms pressed up against his eyes.

It took you a moment to realise that he was throwing a fit about you being topless in front of him. You exhaled. "Must I remind you that you've seen me pantless, too, Joon?"

"We were kids! And now we're not! I don't wanna pop a boner for my childhood best friend that I've shared poops with!"

You grimaced. "You won't, Joon. It's as you said—we've shared poops. It's physically impossible for us to get turned on by each other."

"I'm still a straight guy, though, and boobs are boobs."

You clicked your tongue, choosing to walk into his bathroom to, partially, save him from dying out of panic, but mostly analyse your upper body in the mirror. 

You hummed to yourself when you found a blossoming patch of pink right under your left boob, and an almost navy spot above your right nipple.

You fought a whimper of despair. Sex with Taehyung seemed like something that’d get you wet by memories alone. But you'd already missed your first chance to make them.

You grumpily stomped back to Namjoon's bed and collected the hoodie you'd tossed on it. Pulling it over, you smacked a turned away Namjoon upside his head. "I'm dressed, loser."

"Not wanting to see your boobs makes me a loser?"

"Making a big fucking deal out of it while I'm stuck in a very embarrassing and kind of an impossible situation does!"

“Oh my God, fine! Let’s just talk about that stupid, overthinking brain of yours.”

Your mouth falls open. “The fuck? I’m not overthinking, Joon, for the love of—”

“Okay! Just—stop with all the cursing, you sound like Yoongi hyung!” Namjoon pinched the bridge of his nose. “Let’s get the basics down, then. Observe, analyse and calculate. You’ll tell me about how you feel in certain...areas of your body, and then we’ll conclude if any sex even actually happened or if you’re fussing over nothing. ’Kay?”

You dumbly blinked. If any sex even actually happened? You didn’t need any testing for that, Taehyung’s face had been more than enough to tell you. “No?” you sneered at Namjoon. “I know it happened. I need to know how to recall the details. Do you know, like, some brain exercise or something? Like, running a mental disk defragmenter of sorts?”

Namjoon sighed. “Listen—”

“Also, can you please dye your hair and stop twinning with the asshole next door? I feel like I’m talking to him and it makes me wanna puke.”

Namjoon sighed again. “He’s gonna dye his hair to match mine like he always does, it’s pointless.”

“Then shave it off.”

“Ouch, woman.”

“What?” You scowled at him, rummaging through his wardrobe to try and make yourself slightly more presentable. “And get ready. We’re gonna go get some breakfast. Greasy and cheesy. And you’re gonna tell me what to do. And I’m calling Munchkin to join us.”

As you carried a pair of sweatpants into the bathroom, you heard your best friend murmur something like, “this is gonna be a long day.”

Taehyung sat sprawled all over the living room couch, barely looking up when Jungkook's room's door opened. His eyes kept digging holes into your phone that you'd left behind when you made your—very obviously hurried—exit while he was in the shower. Why, though?

Taehyung was fucking confuddled.

"Oh, finally!" Jungkook's surprised voice floated over to him moments before the boy himself rounded the couch to look down at him, entering his peripheral vision with a water bottle in hands. "Where's noona? Tell her to call Namjoon hyung, he rang me up…worrying…about her…um. Hyung? You okay?"

Taehyung blinked, raising his brows as he hummed in question, refocusing his gaze on the younger boy. "What?"

"Did you, uh, hear anything I said?" Jungkook looked at him cautiously, taking wary sips of water.

"Yeah, I heard." Taehyung looked down at his hands. "She's not here, she left."

"Left? On her own? You didn’t drop her off?" Jungkook sounded innocently curious. He chuckled. "You still hungover, or what?"

Taehyung sighed. "Well, no. But she didn't ask me to drop her. Didn't even tell me she was leaving. Also left her phone behind, for some reason."

"Maybe she was in a hurry to get away from you after last night?" Jungkook's eyes were wide in alarm even before Taehyung shot him a glare. "Sorry, I didn't… Um. That was a stupid joke, I don’t even know why I said that when I don't even know anything. Um. Sorry."

"No, you're probably right," Taehyung regretfully mumbled, raking a hand through his hair. "She was gone within five minutes."

"And is that why she stole my hoodie, too?"

Taehyung's head snapped up, again. What did he mean by that? He found Jungkook frowning at one of the armrests of the couch. "The fuck did you say?"

Jungkook's big, innocent eyes looked at him in panic. "I—I mean, I left it here after I spilt ketchup on it! Remember yesterday's lunch burgers? And now it's…well. Not here."

Taehyung rolled his eyes, secretly exhaling in relief, while at the same time annoyed at himself for thinking stupid shit. And also at Jungkook for making him think it. "The hell, Kook? How does that mean she took it?"

Jungkook squinted at him. "Okay, so then did you take it? Because I sure as heck didn't touch it, hyung."

Taehyung stilled, realising that the boy was probably right, because the top you'd worn last night was still lying on his bedroom floor. He bit his lip. Had you actually been in such a hurry to get away? Get away from him?

Did you…hate him for last night? But you'd very clearly reassured him that you wanted it and were ready and you looked actually excited about it. 

You’d looked really excited about it.

But maybe you were too sloshed to think then, but were trying to avoid him with your mind sober. Maybe you regretted agreeing.

Oh no. Oh no.

"We were drunk off our asses, last night," he tried to fruitlessly dissuade Jungkook, his voice coming out tight. Because what did it even matter if you'd already changed your mind? "Maybe your drunk ass used it to clean up your whizz and then threw it out your window and forgot?"

Jungkook's gaze turned even more speculative. 

Taehyung looked away, eyes landing back on your phone. Distress gripped him.

"Um."

Taehyung rolled his eyes. "Say it."

Jungkook cleared his throat, awkwardly scratching the back of his head when Taehyung looked up to meet his shifty eyes. "Did you, uh. Did you and noona have a fight?"

Taehyung slunk lower in his place. "No, but we would now."

Jungkook cleared his throat in response before soundly gulping down water.

Taehyung almost laughed at his discomfort. The younger probably felt Taehyung needed some sort of counseling or suggestions, but he really didn't. And it wasn't just because he and Jungkook were not the best of friends despite being roommates for nearly a year now and part of the same group of friends for nearly six. No, he actually did not want it because that would make him worry that much more. He'd rather talk to you—apologize to you and try to make you understand as much as he'd be able to—whenever you decided to contact him.

Not that Jungkook would be good at consoling him, either way—the boy was horrible with words and had zero tact. His world revolved around gaming and studying music and minimal human interaction, a complete contrast to everything Taehyung was. Which was somewhat of a reason why they worked out so well as roommates.

"Uh…we…um. Nevermind." Jungkook turned to leave.

Taehyung mustered a chuckle. "Say it, Kook." 

"Do you wanna go to Jin hyung's?" he spoke in a single breath.

Jin—the oldest in their group of friends and also the one Taehyung was the closest to—lived in a four bedroom apartment shared by Yoongi, Hoseok and Jimin, and often, Jin's girlfriend, too, which was owned by a family member of Hoseok's. Namjoon, your best friend and the final member of the group, lived in a dorm on the other side of the campus, similar to Taehyung's own, with a school friend of his.

Now. Jungkook, being the youngest of the entire lot, was extremely insecure and conscious of himself around Jin. And so, despite nearly licking the very ground Yoongi walked on due to the guy's musical prowess that Jungkook was a fan of, the younger boy always tried to avoid visiting the house if not for extreme case scenarios when the entire group gathered there for activities that he was not allowed to skip. He usually just called Yoongi over.

And he was suggesting they visit? This had to have taken some guts.

Taehyung raised an eyebrow at him. "You wanna go to that house?"

"Well, not really." Jungkook's cheeks tinged pink. "But you look like you could use Jin hyung's advice and stuff. He also, um, makes yummy hot chocolate. Jimin hyung and Hobi hyung could cheer you up, and. Um. Yoongi hyung could help me with my…semester project?"

"And here I thought you were being thoughtful!" Taehyung let out a laugh. “You just want Yoongi hyung’s help, you selfish brat.”

Jungkook ducked his head. “A little bit of both?” He clicked his tongue, whining. "Come on, hyung, I'm trying here!"

"I know, I know." Taehyung rolled his eyes but nodded, ending Jungkook's misery.

He eyed your phone and released a shaking, nervous breath. 

“Well, I'm sort of driving myself nuts by sitting here. Let’s just go.”

“This is a disaster.”

You thumped your head against the table, groaning. “Gee, thanks, babe. Makes me feel so much better. I should’ve just gone back to the dorm. Wendy would’ve given me ice cream, at least.”

Your other only-best-friend-in-this-world—other than Namjoon, that is—rolled her mascara laden eyes. “It’s not my duty to make you feel better. I’m here to show you the mirror and be honest, not give you ice cream and kiss your boo-boos like your pussy roommate. That’s not helping. That’s ignoring the problem.”

“Fair point.” You sat up and looked down in your lap. “So. Do you honestly think I’m doomed?”

“I honestly think you’re stupid.”

You shot a glare at her.

“You’re making a big deal out of nothing! You yourself said you both had your lower regions covered, right?” At your nod, she clicked her tongue. “So you’re not even sure if you had sex, in the first place. And even if you did, so what? He’s your freaking boyfriend, bitch! Grab him and do the do whenever!”

“Will you tone it down?” 

You jumped. And then scoffed when Namjoon settled on the empty chair on your other side, putting the tray of your frothing, steaming beverages down between you three.

"Tell me why you nicknamed this one munchkin and not guerrilla, again?" Namjoon grumbled, scowling at your girl best friend. "She's got their lung capacity."

"Because she's got munchkin legs," you mumbled, hurriedly bringing the styrofoam cup to your mouth to taste nirvana. “Ah, this is so good! And she walks super slow, like a freakin’ munchkin.”

"Oh, so that's also an insult?" Namjoon looked at your best friend with gleaming eyes. "I thought it was a pet name!"

Her eyes narrowed at Namjoon for a second, before her expressions dropped into a lascivious smile. "You thought it was cute, didn't you?" she dramatically batted her lashes, leaning closer to Namjoon, pushing her voluminous chest out. “You think I’m cute too, dontcha, Joon bug?”

Namjoon, immune to her dramatic, completely unnecessary seduction, blew a raspberry in her face. 

“Ew, you animal!” she shrieked, flinching away as droplets of spit rained on her face. “Gross!”

“You asked for it,” Namjoon deadpanned, sipping from his cup. 

“Guys,” you began. “Can we please talk about what I should do?”

“Uh, can I please also mention what you should not have done?” Munchkin squinted at you. At your noncommittal shrug, her expressions morphed into a sharp glare. “Sneak out. I mean, he’s your damn boyfriend of nearly quarter of a year, babe! Why the hell would you want to confide in Captain Dumbass, over here, and not him?”

“My IQ’s greater than you, but other than that—valid point, dude.” Namjoon turned to stare you down. “When it all winds down, and you end up sorting it out, he’s still gonna be hurt that you ran away, man.”

You bit your lip. You hadn’t thought of it that way. “I forgot my phone at his place, too, so I couldn’t even text him.”

This time Munchkin turned her horrified gaze at Namjoon, and Namjoon at you. “What?” he squeaked. “You haven’t even texted him this entire time? Why didn’t you ask for my phone?”

“It’s almost three,” Munchkin mumbled. “He’s gonna be so pissed.” Her eyes suddenly turned wicked. “Imagine the angry sex.”

You snorted, bitterly. “How? I got fucking amnesia after our first time together, remember? I don’t even know what to imagine.”

Your best friends groaned in unison.

The second Hoseok invited them in, Jungkook went off like an arrow towards the direction of Yoongi's room.

Taehyung gave a dry chuckle, raising his eyebrows at Hoseok’s puffy eyes as he waved his hand before the guy’s face in greeting. “Good morning, hyung!” he said with fake cheeriness to grate on the elder’s nerves. 

Hoseok gave him the most venomous scowl Taehyung had ever seen on the guy’s face and walked away.

“He was cleaning up till six am and then Jin hyung woke him up at nine to go grocery shopping!” Jimin called from his slump on the couch, past the entry hall. “Poor guy didn’t even get to get his dick wet in his own party.”

“Of course you’d mention that,” Taheyung snorted, moving to join Jimin in what seemed like a Netflix marathon. “What’s this?” He nodded towards the 50-inch.

“Pretty Little Liars,” Jimin mumbled, lifting his feet enough to make room for Taehyung and then rested them back in his lap. “It’s a story of some girls. Who lie. Because that is all that girls fucking do, apparently.”

Taehyung, despite his mental disposition, found himself snorting in amusement for the second time. “Where’s Jin hyung?”

“Dropping noona off at Jackson’s. They’re in a fight, so don’t ask him about her.” Jimin raised a brow. “All okay?”

“They're fighting? How're you handling it?" Taehyung teased, well aware of Jimin's fear of conflicts between the group's oldest couple, and got a glare back. "And, not all's okay. Kinda had a shitty night.”

“Could not have been shittier than mine. You came in with your babe, made out in every corner of the house, held her when she did a keg stand, leftmaking out—what could go wrong?”

Taehyung grimaced but didn’t protest. “When did Jin hyung leave? I didn’t see him on my way over. Why’s Honey noona even friends with that pretentious jackass Jackson, nobody likes him,” he chose to comment on Jin’s girlfriend’s questionable life choices, instead.

“Nobody but Namjoon. Don’t forget they live together. And he and noona are family friends, you know that.” Jimin frowned. “Why’re you so eager to see Jin hyung? He didn’t really say when he’d get back. Maybe he and Honey noona are…making-up. If you know what I mean. I sincerely hope they are,” he added with a despaired stare skywards as if tossing a prayer up to God.

“Shut up, pervert. I'll just text him.” Taehyung waved a dismissive hand, pulling out his phone.

Jimin cleared his throat. “At least ask me why my night was shittier, you ass.”

Taehyung rolled his eyes, shooting Jimin a flat look. “You didn’t get laid, I already know it.”

“Well, that, yes. But also, the circumstances leading up to me not getting laid? Ugh.” Jimin scrunched his nose. “So there’s this cute, little, busty babe, okay? Shaking her boobs up in my face, and I know she wants to fuck, but. I can see how sloshed she is, so I, you know? Hold back.”

Taehyung raised his eyebrows, still typing away on his phone. “Doubt that.”

“I did, okay? Wait till you hear the rest of it.” Jimin’s head dangled off the armrest, upside down and Taehyung could only see his neck as he spoke. “She comes on too strong, and at one point—I can’t resist. But when she’s on her knees, she’s so confused that I… man, I felt so bad. She was wasted, dude!” Jimin pulled himself back up, nestling his head against the armrest as he frowned at Taehyung. “So I tell her no. She cries. I try to comfort her, but she just keeps sobbing. And then she fucking throws up all over my carpet and—I still fucking try to take care of her. And, you know, after I’ve given her hugs and a water bottle and so much pep talk—her phone rings and she says she has to go. Now, get this.” Jimin sits up, now scowling at Taehyung. “She has a fucking boyfriend.”

Taehyung couldn’t hold back the laughter that burst out of him, his head rolling back against the back of the couch as he held his stomach. Just the one time in his life Jimin tried to be a gentleman, it backfired. But it served Jimin right for trying to get into everyone’s pants. He told the guy as much.

Jimin scoffed. “I don’t try to get into everyone’s pants, dude. I’ve never tried to turn the charm on you, have I?”

“’Cause you know you’d fail.”

“I would not and you better believe that, Kim Taehyung.” Jimin suddenly licked his lips and sat up to get into Taehyung's personal space. “You see these lips? They—”

“Yah, Park Jimin! Get your paws off my dongsaeng!” Jin entered the house with a booming yell.

Taehyung sighed in relief, grateful for more reasons than one. “Morning, hyung!”

“It’s afternoon, brat!”

“I thought he was your dongsaeng?” Jimin mocked. “And for the record, he’s mine, too.”

“I’m barely three months younger, Jimin, fuck off.”

“Tae! Leave this idiot be and go wait in my room. I’ll join you in a bit.”

Taehyung stood up to locate Jin to find the older one heating something up in the microwave, aggressively pushing things around. It was a strange sight. Jin’s temperament was always cooler than a cucumber. And he especially tended to his kitchen appliances and utensils with an impossibly tender hand. He was clearly agitated, completely unlike how he normally was. Was his fight with his girlfriend that bad? 

As if sensing his gaze, Jin looked up, concern shining in his eyes when they met Taehyung’s. Taehyung imagined his own must have reflected it back. “You okay, hyung?”

Jin sighed. “Been better,” he tiredly mumbled, running a hand down his face. “I saw your texts. I gather you haven’t eaten?”

Taehyung nodded, silently, walking around the couch to join the older in the kitchen. Settling on a stool, he observed Jin's furrowed eyebrows and set jaw. Something had to have happened recently, or he'd have noticed something in Jin's behaviour earlier.

“I haven’t eaten either, hyung,” Jimin yelled from the living room, sounding offended instead of whiny or seductive, for once. “This sort of favoritism is too much, even for you.”

Jin narrowed his eyes at Jimin. “You know, every time Honey ignores me, I'm immediately reminded of how you could have taken that blonde to your own room, Park Jimin. So no, the favouritism isn't too much. And for the record, you’re more than capable of feeding yourself. This one? Not so much, right now.”

Taehyung hung his head, curious about what all Jin just said to Jimin, but also immensely floored by Jin’s concern for his own well being. Despite clearly not being in the right state of mind himself, he was still caring for Taehyung. He mentally thanked Jungkook for bringing him here.

Clearing his throat, Taehyung placed his hands on the kitchen counter. “When I didn't see Honey-noona at the party last night, I thought it was work related. You two often skip parties to catch up on your beauty sleep and all that. Is something the matter, hyung?"

Jin extracted some sort of noodles from the microwave and shut his eyes. "She's mad at me."

Taehyung's eyebrows rose. Jin and his girl had been together for over five years, now. They were past the stages of fighting over petty things. It had to be serious. "Oh?"

"And it was triggered by something that idiot did!" Jin finished, pointing an accusatory finger at Jimin.

The latter clicked his tongue. "For the last time, hyung," Jimin called out, sounding exasperated, "she’s mad over something else. The sooner you figure that out instead of blaming me every time you meet her, the faster your fight would be resolved.” He peeked at Jin over the couch's back. "And can you please make a quick work of it? I hate this phase…"

Taehyung’s eyebrows lifted up. Escaping the blame—classic Jimin. “What, exactly, did you do, Jimin? What blonde didn’t you take to your own room?” he asked, repeating Jin’s words from earlier.

“Irrelevant. He’s actually correct,” Jin interrupted, walking out of the kitchen. “You'll understand when I tell you. But right now, let’s talk about your problem. Come on.”

Although Taehyung was both curious and worried about Jin’s fight, he was more downtrodden due to his own situation at the moment, so he decided to follow the older boy upstairs, to Jin's room.

On entering the room, Taehyung slumped into Jin’s armchair while the man himself turned on the lights and made his way towards Taehyung with a water bottle and a huge bowl of reheated chicken noodles in hands.

Taehyung uncapped the bottle as soon as it was handed to him, not realising how badly parched all the worrying had gotten him. 

“I, uh, went to the shop you texted me. Have you guys really talked it through?”

Taehyung’s head snapped up. “What?” he asked, swallowing a huge gulp of water.

Jin cracked a smile for the first time. “One of the thirteen texts you sent me was about this shop, remember? It was on the way, so I dropped by to look around, but I couldn't really choose—”

Taehyung’s phone rang, interrupting Jin. It was Namjoon. They both frowned.

What if the guy was still calling to ask about you, like he did this morning? Taehyung had assumed that you’d have talked to Namjoon, at least. His eyes widened when it hit him — you’d left your phone behind, how would you contact anybody?

He looked at Jin. Jin crossed his arms in front of his chest, gesturing to the phone with his eyes. “Pick it up.”

With sweaty hands, Taehyung picked up. “Hey, Joon hyung.”

Silence. He frowned.

“Hello?”

More silence. And then a hushed, indecipherable whisper sounded in the background which was followed by what sounded like a slap. Taehyung’s breath hitched.

“Angel?”

A sharp intake of breath filtered through the speakers to him. But then nothing else.

“Whe—” He cleared his throat when his voice broke. “Where are you? Are you okay?”

“Tae.” Your voice was light, airy, almost like a whisper, but it managed to weigh down on his heart. “I’m okay.”

Of course, you were. You’d chosen to see Namjoon, apparently. Why wouldn’t you be okay?

“I—I’m sorry for leaving like…that. I hope you didn’t take it the wrong way.”

Taehyung was at a loss. “Wrong way? Angel, I…” He exhaled, shutting his eyes. In what way had he taken it? In what way was he supposed to take it? “Why did you leave, baby?”

No response. Taehyung’s heart seemed to keep on sinking.

“When can I see you again? We need to talk about last night. You know that, right?” He licked his lips and looked up at Jin. At the elder’s nod, he continued, “we need to finalize what we discussed. You get me?”

“I’ll see you tonight, Tae.” Your voice sounded tightly wound with emotions.

Taehyung took that as a good sign. “That’s great. I’ll be…I, uh. Just text me when you get to the dorm. Your phone’s on the coffee table. I’m at Jin hyung’s, I’ll come immediately.”

“Okay, I’ll do that. Um. Tae? I love you.”

Taehyung could breathe again. “I love you, too, Angel. I love you so much.”

He’d barely disconnected the call when Jin grabbed him by the shoulders. “Get some food in you and come with me. I went to the shop, but couldn’t really make the right purchase. You’ll have to do that yourself.”

Taehyung’s eyes widened. “But I already told her to come see me! You nodded!”

Jin rolled his eyes, taking a spoonful of noodles and stuffing them into Taehyung’s mouth that was hung open in surprise. “Because we have plenty of time, genius! It’s three in the afternoon. We’d be able to make it back before six, at any cost. Don’t worry about it.”

Taehyung took the bowl of food from him, his appetite announcing itself as soon as a bite of savoury deliciousness touched his tongue. Stuffing his face, he nodded at his phone. “Could you please put that to charge? It’s almost dead.”

And then he smiled to himself. He was gonna make everything right, tonight.

“I’m pretty sure five o’clock doesn’t count as ‘night’ in any culture across the globe.”

You ignored Munchkin’s sarcastic remark as you stepped out of the car, and gave Namjoon a grateful peck on his cheek. “Thank you for bringing me here, Joon.”

“Great. Ignore me and then cry when there’re consequences.”

Waving a butterfly wave at a fuming Munchkin and a chuckling Namjoon, you stepped into Taehyung’s dorm building. You knew you were early, but your nerves didn’t allow you to sit still at Namjoon’s place. You didn’t dare go back to your own dorm, knowing how chaotic Wendy tended to get and not able to muster the energy you usually needed to deal with her.

Taehyung lived in the larger, spacier and definitely pricier North Dorms. They were more like mini-apartments, with individual rooms and a living room area along with a whole kitchen instead of the tiny kitchenette you had with your own South Dorms. Namjoon lived in the East Dorms, similar in design to these, but in a wackier condition and slightly less pricey.

Taking a deep breath, you knocked on the door. You would take your phone, text Taehyung to inform him of your arrival, have a glass of water, and patiently wait. Jungkook wasn’t much of a talker, anyway, so you’d have some time to yourself before Taehyung for here, which you planned to utilise by giving yourself mental pep talks. 

You were gonna come clean to your boyfriend and tell him that you remembered none of last night, profusely apologise for panicking and running out on him, and then, if the mood allowed for it, request him to give you a refresher that you’d be sure to memorise properly, this time.

The door was opened. Jungkook immediately jumped, eyes nearly popping out of their sockets when he saw you. “Oh, my God!”

You gave him a tight lipped smile. “Hey, Jungkook. May I come in?”

He gaped at you for a few more seconds before shaking his head as if to break his shock induced trance. “Ye—uh. I mean, yes, you could, but hyung’s not home.”

You nodded. “I know.”

Just as you’d made to move ahead, Jungkook stopped you. His eyebrows were arched. “Unless, you don’t wanna see him and are here to grab your things—in which case, I really won’t let you in.”

You frowned. “What? No, I need to get my phone so that—”

“Absolutely not!” Jungkook blocked the door with an arm. “You’ve got to talk to hyung once before making any rash decisions, and I won’t—”

“Wait, what? Rash decisions?”

“—might be a bit young and inexperienced, but I will not be an accomplice in the ploy to get Tae hyung’s heart broken—”

“Heart broken?” You balked at him while Jungkook kept on spewing stuff that made absolutely no sense to you. “Jungkook?”

“—no clue what actually happened, but because you really should’ve stayed to talk instead of running away from hyung—”

“Jungkook!”

“—not been emotional, but this really kind of hurt me, too, and you have no idea how much hyung was—”

“For fucks sake, Jungkook!” You held the guy with both his shoulders, making him immediately shut up. “Are you even listening to me? Stop speaking!” 

He blinked. “Um—”

“Stop!” You held a finger in front of his face. “Zip it up. Zero noise. Absolute silence.”

At his nod, you retracted your hands and pushed past him to enter the dorm. Collapsing onto the couch, you picked up your phone which was kept on the coffee table—just as Tae had told you it would be—and opened your chat box with him.

Tae❤ hey babe, im here ik im a bit early but dw, take your time i will wait i love u 🥺

SENT at 17:03

“I have come to talk to Tae and apologize, Jungkook,” you finally said, turning to face the guy who was still awkwardly standing at the open door. “Now please shut the door and go back to whatever you were doing. I’m gonna be here, waiting till he comes. I’ve texted him.”

Jungkook closed the door, very slowly, still looking at you warily. “You aren’t going to break up with him?”

“What? Of course not! I love him!”

He visibly relaxed, even letting a hint of a smile swim onto his face. “That’s good to hear. I thought I’d messed up.”

You frowned, scrunching your nose up in confusion. “Wait a second, you had messed up? How?”

Releasing an immensely loud sigh, Jungkook walked up to sit next to you on the couch. “Uh…” He bit his lip, fidgeting with his hands. “Well, you all know how horrible I am with words, right? It’s half the reason why I don’t talk much. I get too upfront, accidentally, and it gets horribly worse if I’ve deduced a situation wrongly and spoken about it.”

You gave a small chuckle. Jungkook was adorable, at times, looking way younger than his age. Not that you knew his exact age. You were certain he called you noona just because Taehyung was his hyung, and not because he knew your exact age. You could turn out to be younger than him, and he’d give you the same amount of respect and formality. “You just did that to me, a few minutes back.”

Jungkook shut his eyes with a wince. “Exactly. I did something similar this morning, and said stuff that I had no way of knowing facts about. And…” he trailed off again, this time squinting at your...well, boobs.

You immediately straightened. “Yah! What are you looking at?”

Jungkook looked up with rounded eyes. “That’s my hoodie.”

You looked down at yourself and physically cringed. You were the worst girlfriend in the world to not be able to tell the difference between your boyfriend's hoodies and his roommate’s. “Oh, God. Oh no, I’m so sorry. This is so embarrassing.”

Jungkook gave a small, awkward nod. “It’s fine, you’re okay.”

You shook your head at yourself. “It’s been a horrible day, Kook.”

“I’m gonna have to agree with that."

You both sat in silence for a while, and you recalled how you’d imagined you’d get peace and quiet because Jungkook didn’t talk much. You mentally snorted. The guy hadn’t exchanged as many words with you in eight months, as he did today. 

Your eyes fell onto the TV in front of you. You squinted at the animated, white-ish balloon-ish things.

"Is that Soul?" you speculated.

Jungkook's cheeks and ears pinked. "Um, yes."

You lifted the remote and wordlessly unpaused the movie.

Settling on the carpet on the ground next to the coffee table, Jungkook munched on some nuts as you both watched. 

The movie was good – really good and engaging, so much so that you didn't check your phone for over an hour. When it pinged with a message, you suddenly recalled that Taehyung hadn't responded to your text. Sitting up, you grabbed the device to check.

18:23 Munchkin😾 (1 new message) 

You sighed in disappointment. 

Scrolling past your best friend's inquisitive message, you got to your chat with Taehyung. You frowned. The message hadn't been delivered, yet.

"Want some?"

You looked up with a start to find Jungkook's hand holding the bowl of nuts to you, his head still facing the TV. You cleared your throat. "Um, no, I'm good."

He retracted his hand without a word. "You okay, noona?"

You bit your lip. "Taehyung hasn't received my text, yet."

This time Jungkook twisted his neck to look up at you. The odd angle made it difficult to discern what expressions he held, but knowing him, it was probably surprise—his resident facial expressions, next to only occasional grimaces.

"He said he was at Jin oppa's and would come here as soon as I texted him, but…"

Jungkook hummed, turning back. "He is there, yes. We went together, but I left early because Yoongi hyung had to go to his studio. And I don't like to hangout with anybody else in that house."

You snorted at that, sobering the next second. You exhaled. "I think I should call him."

Jungkook gave a simple nod. You stood up with your phone to your ear. But then you stopped, mid-step. Taehyung's phone was switched off.

This was very unlike Taehyung. 

You pursed your lips in concern. He'd sounded fine—if not more than a little low—when you talked on the phone. He didn't sound angry, that is to say. Did something happen in the meanwhile? You wondered what it could be, because as far as you knew, you hadn't done anything wrong other than running off to Namjoon for help. But it had been nearly three hours since your talk, so you couldn't really be certain about Taehyung’s mood anymore.

You were at a loss. What the hell were you supposed to do? Just stay here and wait? 

But what if Taehyung was really mad for some reason and didn't come at all, and you had to stay the night? You were certain he wouldn't appreciate you staying in his dorm with his male roommate alone, overnight. Taehyung was far from an insecure or controlling boyfriend, but put in his shoes, even you would be irked if he were staying over at your dorm with just Wendy around.

You groaned at your chain of thoughts. What were you even thinking? This was so stupid. He would be here any minute, and this would all come to an end. You really wanted to slap your drunk self for putting you into this mess. Or, you realised, you could slap Hoseok for throwing the stupid party with memory wiping liquor, in the first place.

You sat back down on the couch with a thump. You were being unreasonably paranoid.

You took a few deep breaths, looking from your phone to the TV screen, and then at the back of Jungkook's head. "Jungkook?"

He hummed in response.

"I need some advice."

Jungkook turned to look at you, eyes wide in evident alarm. "No. Please no. I'm horrifyingly bad at that."

You clicked your tongue. "Tae's phone is switched off. He never turns his phone off, Jungkook."

Jungkook looked taken aback as well. He probably knew the fact. "Maybe it got discharged?"

You sighed. "Jin oppa's house has plenty of chargers and charging points."

Jungkook looked uncomfortable at that, fidgeting with his hands as he trained his gaze at your feet. "Um. I… I am not sure what…" he trailed off, biting down on his lip, looking beyond lost. "I don't even know what happened."

You shut your eyes and massaged your forehead with both hands. "What happened is that I got extremely embarrassed about…well, yesterday. Something—something happened which made me too nervous to face Tae. Coming here after so many hours, I thought I was ready to apologise and talk it through, but the longer it's taking him to get there, the more uncertain I'm getting."

You took a breath after you'd poured it all out. Jungkook was the last person you'd expect to understand your situation and give advice. But he prompted you to tell him – and it flowed out.

You shut your eyes tighter.

"If—if you think you're not ready," Jungkook suddenly began after a heavy silence of a few extended seconds, "you can step back and take a breather. Take some time to yourself, analyse and then build up the courage. In my experience, saying the wrong words can be worse than keeping mum." 

His words gave you a pause. Namjoon and Munchkin's words came back to you. Taehyung was your boyfriend—you could talk to him, whenever. Why were you making such a big deal out of it? Well maybe because you didn't want the situation to deteriorate further. Jungkook was right. You should rethink your decision of coming clean to Taehyung, lest you create more problems between the two of you by upsetting him.

"Does… does any of that help?" Jungkook hesitantly asked you.

You gave him a big smile "I think it does."

As if on cue, the sound of a key turning in the door reached you. Jungkook's head whipped around to look at it.

You breathed in, preparing yourself.

“Why’s your phone turned off, hyung?” Jungkook accosted him at the door.

You saw your boyfriend over Jungkook’s shoulder. He was frowning, and was seemingly yet to notice you. “My phone?” He brushed a hand over his trousers’ pockets, dark, curly bangs brushing his eyelids as his head bent. You bit your lip. He was irresistibly handsome without even trying. “Oh fuck,” Taehyung enunciated, looking up at Jungkook very slowly. “I left it at Jin hyung’s. Did you say it was off?”

Taehyung stepped into the dorm, wide eyes immediately colliding with yours. “Um. Hey,” you squeaked, standing up.

“H—hi,” Taehyung stumbled on his words, eyes roving first on your face and then the rest of you. He momentarily frowned, probably recognizing Jungkook’s hoodie on you, and then met your eyes with a hesitant expression on his face. “How—how long were you waiting?”

You bit your lip. He seemed to be feeling guilty already. You reckoned it would be better to not add onto it. “Not long,” you simply responded.

Taehyung took baby steps towards you, while Jungkook glided around the place, shutting the door, turning the TV off, and then exited to his own room. You looked down at your feet, only looking back up when Taehyung’s own entered your vision. “Angel,” he whispered, his breath fanning your face. His deep brown eyes looked like pools of dark chocolate. “What happened?”

The simple question made tears prickle the back of your eyes. 

It was always so simple with Taehyung. He was never pretentious, never impatient, never expected the world out of you—and yet you did not share things with him like he deserved. Why did you always have to be so self conscious?

Something must have shown on your face, because the next second had Taehyung frowning and stepping forth to cup your face in both his palms.

“Hey, hey, what is it?” he murmured very softly, swiping his thumbs at your cheeks to wipe off the wetness trickling down your eyes. “Shh, it’s okay, come on,” he soothingly whispered before collecting you in his arms.

You rested your forehead on his collarbones, pulling your lower lip in to grab a hold of your emotions as you wound both your arms around his shoulders. “I love you so much, Tae,” you mumbled into his skin.

He inhaled and then exhaled, almost as if in relief. “I love you too, baby. I love you too,” he whispered into your hair, pressing a soft kiss into the crown of your head.

Pulling away, Taehyung held you by your upper arms and bent to peer into your eyes. His olive green Cuban collar shirt swayed with his movement, giving you a delicious glimpse of his toned chest. Realising how highly inappropriate it was to be thinking lascivious thoughts with tears in your eyes—when your boyfriend was trying to comfort you—you swallowed and focussed back on his eyes. 

“Now, tell me. What happened this morning?” Taehyung questioned you with a boundless softness in his gaze.

You cleared your throat. "Can we – can we move this to your room?"

Taehyung nodded, readily, wrapping his elegant fingers around your elbows to lead the two of you into his room. 

As you settled on the edge of his bed, your eyes caught your top from last night's outfit placed neatly folded at the top of Taehyung's dresser. You pursed your lips.

“So.” Taehyung sat down next to you on the bed, bumping his shoulders into yours.

You licked your lips, gathering courage. “I…this is gonna sound bad, babe, and, um, insulting even, but…” You turned to meet his eyes, desperately searching for any recognition. But you were met with cluelessness, and a subtle hint of apprehension. You sighed. “I — I had too much to drink last night, Tae.”

You felt him stiffen. His eyes gave away nothing. You waited for a couple heartbeats, expecting some indication that he was catching onto what you were trying to imply. Taehyung said nothing, though, and his face remained unmoving.

You looked down at your lap, wringing your fingers together. “I don’t know if I had too much, or if the combination made it so, but… I don’t—” You cleared your throat when your voice broke, chancing a glance at your boyfriend who was still as a statue. “I don’t remember a thing from last night. It’s all…a blur.”

Taehyung seemed to have stopped breathing, too, he’d gone so still. Very anxiously, you lifted your gaze to look at him.

You almost wished you hadn't, though. He looked shattered. Crushing disappointment was all over his face, hitting you like a lead arrow, and he wasn’t even looking at you. 

You felt like running away, your cheeks and ears burning in embarrassment. You tried to put yourself in Taehyung’s spot, employing your trusted tactic to discern how someone else must be feeling, but your head was too fuzzy with the unease you felt. You were mortified.

Taking a staggered breath in, you stood up on shaky legs. “I’m — I’m sorry, Tae,” you uttered, unsure if you were heard. “I really wish—”

“It’s fine, it’s okay. I understand,” Taehyung cut you off, suddenly, obviously trying to save face given the tight smile he had pulled up to flash at you beneath his saddened eyes. “It’s okay.”

You swallowed, shaking your head very slowly. “No,” you said. “It’s not okay, Tae. I — I wanted to make it memorable, too. Cherish the memories for life, however cliché might that sound. But I… I really blanked out, Tae.”

Taehyung’s brows got a slight crease in them by the time you were finished. But his eyes—those damned pools of love that you’d gotten so used to seeing boundless love in—looked strangely defeated. It almost felt like you’d done more than not remember a night of sex. 

But then you reprimanded yourself by underlining how it wasn’t just any night of sex—it had been the first time you and the love of your life became one. Knowing how sentimental Taehyung was, it had to have hurt him tremendously. This time you were very easily able to put yourself in his place and realise that you’d be pretty pissed if he had no recollection of something precious to you. You took a step away, suddenly overwhelmed by immense guilt. 

“Did nothing come back to you?” Taehyung asked, lips pouted and eyes rounded. “After so many hours, too?”

You shook your head, slowly. “I really tried, baby.”

Taehyung looked unconvinced, taking you by surprise. 

He didn’t, by any means, think that you were lying about it, did he? You wouldn’t put it past your boyfriend’s overthinking brain.

“I think I — I need a break,” you blurted out, watching in horror how any remainder of color left Taehyung’s face. Jungkook’s words came back to you: saying the wrong words can be worse than keeping mum.

“A break?” Taehyung gawked at you.

You quickly shook your head. “A breather. Space. Some — some time to get over my embarrassment.”

Taehyung looked confused, but you couldn’t bear to wait and extend this conversation. Twisting in place, you rushed out of there, on your way to your own dorm, this time. 

Taehyung sipped on Hoseok’s cheap beer, unseeing gaze stuck on the TV as some football match played on the screen. Next to him, Seokjin and Hoseok sat with their own bottles in hand. They were, decidedly, much more aware of the game than he was. 

“Gah! That was a red card, come on!” Hoseok suddenly exclaimed at the referee.

Seokjin snorted. “This referee is blind.”

“Or sold,” Hoseok grumbled.

Taehyung blinked, unable to focus on the game however hard he stared. Shaking his head, he took another gulp of the bitter liquid.

His soul had almost left his body when you'd said you needed a break. You wanting to be away from him after last night would have been his biggest nightmare come true.

But then you asked for space. To get over your embarrassment.

Why were you embarrassed? He couldn't, for the life of him, decipher that one. Did you really regret last night that bad? Had you changed your mind? Or was it something else altogether?

But what the hell could it even be, then?

Hoseok cleared his throat, drawing Taehyung's attention to the redhead. "You could try out a new painting, Tae. It'd be a nice outlet, and, y'know? They say you create your finest art when you got a heavy heart."

"Pretty sure that's not what they say, Hobi," Seokjin deadpanned.

"Something along those lines, hyung, catch my drift." Hoseok scowled at Seokjin. “Art’s supposed to take your mind off stuff, right?”

Taehyung exhaled, proceeding to chug down the rest of the drink in his bottle. "I can't," he murmured. "Angel is…" He stopped, shut his eyes and exhaled. "She's been my biggest muse ever since I met her, hyung. I can't paint when we're fighting."

Seokjin noisily exhaled, puffing his nostrils up. "Then maybe you could—ah, I don't know, invest in a different sort of art?"

Taehyung frowned at the guy in confusion. Hoseok, though, seemed to have gotten onto something. His head of flaming red hair bobbed erratically. "Yes, yes! Great idea, hyung! You should come with me to the rehearsal hall for some time, Tae. It's been ages since you've been there. It'd be a good distraction, take your mind off all this disappointment and hurt."

Taehyung clicked his tongue. "I'm not disappointed. I'm—I'm just… just hurt."

Seokjin sighed. "You mean you aren't even the slightest bit irked that she used the excuse of missing memory to evade your…well. You know." He gesticulated with a hand around the other. "You are, aren't you?"

"Not really." Taehyung frowned and shook his head. "I mean, well. yes. Of course, I would've preferred if she didn't try to evade it and just talked to me. But maybe she really can't recall anything, I'm not entirely sure. I mean, what's the difference, either way? It all boils down to the fact that she has backed off. And that is what's…" He broke off, taking in a shaky inhale. "What's hurting," he finished on an exhale.

They all went silent for a while. Seokjn hummed. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. You love dance and you love Hobi’s routines, so… it could be therapeutic to you. But don’t force yourself, we’ll think of something else.” 

Taehyung exhaled, swiping a hand down his face. He really did love Hobi’s routines and it really had been ages since he’d been to the rehearsal hall. “No. No, I want to. I’ll join you tomorrow, Hobi hyung.” He passed the man a half smile, and got a full back. He huffed out a breath. “You guys wanna crack open something stronger than this?” he asked the two older guys, gesturing to his empty beer bottle.

Seokjin raised his hands in surrender. "I've got work, tomorrow."

But Hobi, the resident booze-man, grinned like a cheshire cat.

Your day had been hell, and your night was going to be, too.

After ignoring your calls for an hour, your best friends had texted you back telling you they were too busy to take your calls. They would have known, of course, what you’d talk about and prioritized their personal businesses above it.

You weren’t bitter about it, or anything…

Okay, you were. You were really really bitter.

Because Munchkin was at a party, trying to rope in some guy she’d had her sights on for a while. Needless to say, she was gonna be busy for the night. And Namjoon was working on some project for extra credits for his class tomorrow.

Your relationship being at the verge of splintering was, apparently, less important than a coveted hookup and extra fucking credits.

Your mother had sent you her customary checking in texts asking about your well being, and you'd made a whole hypothetical situation to ask her if temporary amnesia could be cured with some brain exercise.

Did you drink too much at that party you were going to? Are you okay?

You huffed a breath out, irritated but at the same time feeling really loved at your mother's accurate deduction of the situation. You texted her you were okay, she asked about Taehyung's well being, you said he was okay, too, and at the end she suggested you see a doctor if this felt too uneasy.

You thought about it for a while, but then realised a doctor wouldn't take you seriously. 

yeah right, mom! if docs started treating everyone with temporary amnesia on campus, he'd be dealing with nearly the entire student population

The conversation with your mother certainly failed to help in any way. You had no solution at your hands and your mind wasn't taken off it, too.

You stress-ate a pint of choco-chip icecream for dinner and watched reruns of Victorious on your laptop. You cried when Beck and Jade broke up. And then you slept with your laptop still running the show in the background.

You had a fitful night’s sleep, riddled with horrible nightmares switching between you begging Taehyung to tell you what you’d forgotten but him just crying because he was so hurt that you forgot in the first place, and Taehyung never wanting to talk to you again because he thought you were lying about forgetting your special night.

You finally sat up in your bed at close to six am. Having had enough with the mess in your head, you decided to beg your best friends to help you out, one more time.

Seventeen minutes past six of the morning saw you on a conference call with Namjoon and Munchkin.

“I went to bed at four, bitch, have some mercy—”

“And I didn’t sleep at all, I’ve been working on the project the whole night, and—”

“Guys!” you wailed. “Please help me out here! I am at my wit’s end, I can’t eat, can’t sleep, and I don’t know who else to talk to! I swear if I did, I would not be bothering you two like this!” You exhaled when they’d both quieted down. “Not that you’ve been much help, so far,” you added under your breath.

“I did not sign up for being insulted first thing in the morning!” Munchkin protested. “And Joon, what the hell is up with all your late night working sessions, lately? Don’t you get enough time during the day?”

The comment had you momentarily distracted from your own issue as you furrowed your brows. “Good point. He’s been spending more odd hours than usual at the library, too,” you said, recalling how Jackson had told you about Namjoon’s frequent nightly visits to the library.

“What? I—I do work during the day, guys,” Namjoon jumped to his defense, “but… the work’s a lot, okay? Also, almost the entirety of my Sunday went into comforting Angel. Being an economics major just eats up your time, okay? And—and I really need a couple extra credits—”

“Stop, you’re rambling,” Munchkin interrupted, sounding bored.

“And obviously lying,” you added with a shrug, even though they couldn’t see it.

“What? What? I’m not—”

“Honestly, Joon, nobody has time for your theatrics, okay? If you’re sneaking around with a girl—although I’m willing to bet my nail extensions you’re not—it’s cool. Do whatever,” Munchkin sounded half asleep, but what she said rang true with you, too.

“Absolutely. We won’t pry, and won’t judge.”

“It’s not a girl, guys, come on—”

“Already bet on it.”

“You mean it is something, then?” You squinted.

“Wait, how did this conversation go from Angel’s crisis call to a semi-intervention on me?” Namjoon protested, bringing you back to the ground.

You groaned. “Oh, yes. No, sorry, we don’t have time for diversions, right now. Help me resolve my crisis first.”

Munchkin clicked her tongue. “I still really fail to see what the big deal is? So drinking gave you amnesia like a total weirdo. Yeah, okay, it kinda sucks, but it’s not the end of the world! You two love each other! Move past this! Make new freaking memories, and get over it!”

You bit down on your lip. “I… I would have done that, eventually, but… you guys don’t know what happened last night.”

“Yeah, we do. Sort of. You left thirty seven messages in the groupchat, so we get the gist,” Namjoon reminded you.

“Okay, so you do know. So. Guys, it’s become a big deal because Taehyung has made it into one. His behaviour last night…” and you launched into a retelling of your whole encounter with Taehyung at his dorm.

For the better part of an hour, your dear best friends listened to you go on about how Taehyung seemed heartbroken because of your missing memory, and how you felt he didn’t even fully believe you when you said you didn’t remember anything. You also brought up, time and again, how this one incident was gonna end your relationship. 

“Okay, okay, hold on!” Namjoon finally interrupted your rampage. “This is all rubbish!”

You stuck your bottom lip out, turning to your side in your bed. Wendy had been out the entire night, last night. You wondered what she was up to because she wasn't the type to sleep around or go to parties. Maybe she had a sleepover with some of her girlfriends. You honestly couldn’t strain your mind over this on top of everything else, so you shut your eyes. 

“Firstly, Taehyung isn’t gonna break up with you because he suspects you’re lying about the memory loss. That’s just stupid and unlike him, and I’ve known him longer than you,” Namjoon continued. “Also, I still think the key to this whole issue is communicating. You need to open your mouth and ask the guy what happened last night. Don’t be demotivated by his saddened face, push through.”

“But… you know, Jungkook said to me that sometimes saying the wrong words can be worse than keeping mum. And I literally said the absolutely worst combination of words I could to Tae, last night! Almost made him think I was trying to break up with him. How shitty—”

“I bet he’s not even thinking about it right now. I bet my hair extensions on it,” Munchkin interrupted with a snort. “He’s probably sleeping off another hangover. Boys always end up drowning the conflicts in their lives in alcohol.”

You rolled your eyes. “As opposed to what you do? And stop betting your extensions on things.”

“But, she’s kinda not wrong, Angel,” Namjoon intervened, “you’re definitely overreacting a bit. Jungkook has hardly ever known what he’s talking about, all through his life. You’re letting his words affect you? All you can do, right now, is have a decent conversation with Tae where you hold his hand, look into his eyes and ask him to tell you what exactly happened last night.” He paused. “The night before, now, I guess, ’cause it’s morning…”

You sighed, opening your eyes to blink at Wendy’s empty bed. “I don’t know, guys… He looks so freaking shattered and disappointed every time I try to talk to him, it just feels like a slap to the face.”

“Ugh, stop thinking so much about everything,” Munchkin groaned. “And if talking to him seems like such a humongous challenge, then talk to someone you know he would have confided in.”

You sat up at that, eyes open wide. “Jin! Jin oppa! Tae shares everything with him, and he even went straight to his place after I left his dorm, too! He would know everything.”

“Now, now,” Namjoon began with a nervous lilt, “I don’t think it’s such a great idea to ask around when you could ask—”

“Shut up, Namjoon, it’s a fantastic fucking idea,” Munchkin cut him off.

“Yes. Yes, it’s a fantastic idea!” you exclaimed, checking the time. “It’s past eight, he would’ve left for the restaurant. I can make it after my Scriptwriting class and catch him during his lunch hour! Thank you, guys, thank you, so much!”

“Great to be of service. Now let me go back to sleep, I’m skipping all my classes today,” Munchkin muttered into the phone.

“For the record, I still don’t think it’s such a great idea—”

“Nobody cares, Namjoon, go back to sleep. You have a boring-as-fuck class in less than two hours.” With that, Munchkin disconnected your three-way call.

You tossed your phone to the side and laid back on your bed. This could actually work out. You could ask Jin to fill you in on what’s been going on in Taehyung’s head, and then go talk to your boyfriend with full preparation.

Noon couldn’t come sooner.

Jin’s face was pretty expressionless when he got into his usual lunch booth and met your eyes instead of his girlfriend’s. He didn’t look surprised, at all. He literally didn’t even blink, just gave you a once over and reached for his bag to fetch his lunch out. That should have been your warning sign, but blinded by your own selfish goal, you missed it.

“Oppa, hello,” you respectfully greeted him, wringing your hands in your lap. “I hope you don't mind me dropping by unannounced, but I wasn’t sure you’d be welcoming if I told you beforehand. You know why.” You looked down at the table, at Jin’s lunch of some salad and a smoothie. “I—I think you do, at least.”

You waited for Jin to say something, but he simply kept chewing. His eyes looked at you so blankly, he almost seemed to be looking through you. This was nothing like the Jin you knew. Either he was in a really disturbed state of mind, or he was really mad at you for what happened between you and Taehyung. 

You suspected it was the latter.

“Um,” you couldn’t find the right words to say. “I—I tried talking to Tae about this, but he gets really upset and unbelieving and I… I lose courage.” You swallowed. You were losing courage now, too. “So—so, oppa, did he… Taehyung, he… what did he say about last night?” You bit your tongue. “I mean the night before. Hobi—Hobi oppa’s party’s night.” You focussed your gaze at your sweaty hands resting in your lap. “I drank God knows what combination of alcohol, and…and can’t seem to recall the events that followed us leaving the party. Taehyung is really worked up about it all, so…” You looked up to meet Jin’s flat stare. “Will you tell me what happened that night? What—what Taehyung’s been so worried about?”

Jin sipped at his smoothie, smacked his lips, and had just opened his mouth to say something, when a familiar voice rained down on the two of you from the side. “Well, this is fabulous!” 

You jumped, snapping your head to the side to see Jin’s girlfriend standing close to your booth in her waitress outfit, lunchbox in hand and rage on her face.

“So, now you have engagements during lunch, too. Great. Just great.”

“Unnie, I…” You trailed off as the woman silenced you with a sharp glare. Tossing another one at her boyfriend, she twisted on her heels and left the break room. “I… what did I do wrong? She—she did recognize me, right?” you nervously asked the stoic wall sitting before you.

“Taehyung is upset because you’ve been hiding behind the excuse of this fictitious memory loss—that doesn’t happen in real life, mind you—to get out of the promise you made to him while drunk,” Jin told you in a slightly high pitched, obviously enraged, and nearly unrecognisable voce. 

You gaped at him. “I really do not remember, oppa! Why would I want to forget about my first…” You slowly came to a halt as it hit you. “Wait, what did you say? The promise I made to him? What promise?” you rasped, bewildered.

Jin scowled at you. "What first time were you going to speak of? I don’t know about the intimate details of your relationship, and I don't want to, because that isn’t material here.” You ducked your head as your cheeks pinked. “You two drunkards were getting all emotional about loving each other a lot and wanting to stay together forever, so Tae proposed the idea of sealing it with a ring.”

You gasped. “I—a promise ring?”

“Mm hmm,” Jin hummed with pursed lips. “And then, when you got sober and realised you shouldn't have made that commitment in a haste, you ran out on him, instead of telling him straight up. And since then you’ve been confusing him with mixed clues instead of properly talking to him about what you want.” Jin’s jaw was set. “Why can’t you just have a proper talk, huh? Why do you women have to be so mysterious and expectant about things? Use your freaking words, for one damn time in your life! Men can’t get into your head to guess shit! Say it, and maybe we’ll be able to resolve it! Use words to describe what you actually want, and maybe I'd be able to get it done!”

Jin was breathing hard, his eyes were blown wide and a few veins in his forehead looked close to popping. You swallowed, feeling nervous, confused, dumbstruck and a tad bit scared for your life, at the same time. “Uh… you?”

Jin blinked, and the hazy, mad look lifted from his gaze. His lips parted and he sighed very noisily. “No, not I. It’s just… I started to project my personal issues onto you. Sorry about that, kid.” He forwarded a hand to pat your shoulder in apology. “You got what you came here for, though, right?”

“I… yeah, I guess. Although…” I cannot believe that that is what I forgot. No wonder Taehyung looked so downtrodden.

Gosh, you were a fool!

“Thank you so much, oppa!” you announced to Jin, getting up with a new spring to your steps. “I’ll get going, now.”

You bounded out of the restaurant. You literally could not believe what you’d just learned. Smacking a palm against your face, you shook your head at yourself. 

You concentrated, again, this time to recall conversations from last night instead of actions. And surprisingly enough, some of the fog cleared away as you started recalling things…

…you are beyond toasted in this shimmery polyester top and leather shorts you’d worn as your costume. The minute you step into Taehyung’s room, you are scrambling to get out of them.

Your boyfriend chuckles as he locks the door after himself. “You’re more than welcome to take it off, and more, babe.”

Your mind has gotten kind of hazier than you’re used to. But knowing how Tae always makes fun of you for being a lightweight — which you’re really really not, Tae just holds his liquor better than you do — you avoid bringing up your state of mind. You laugh at his teasing remark.

Within seconds, you have thrown off your top and shorts, and are snuggled between Taehyung’s covers. He himself has stripped down to his boxers. You give a lazy smile as your eyes rove his torso. “What happened to wearing pajamas when we cuddled?” you tease, sleepily.

Taehyung gets in bed next to you, rolling over to pull you to his chest. He smirks down at you, complete with his vampire makeup. “Too balmy tonight. And too tired to find pajamas.”

You giggle, burrowing yourself into the warm, soft skin of his chest. You poke a finger into his pectoral muscle.

“Ow!” he yelps.

“You’re muscly, babe. Those oversized clothes hide you well,” you observe, licking your lips as your hands smooth over his chest and stomach.

“And you’re sexy,” he responds in a rasp, eyes stuck on the cleavage exposed by your bra. “Do you usually sleep with this on?” he asks, snapping the strap against your shoulder.

You wince, shaking your head. “It’s too hot to wear a shirt, so…”

Taehyung pulls you in closer, staring deep into your eyes. “Do you trust me?”

Despite all the ridiculous makeup, your heart skips a beat at his intense stare. You nod.

His hands slide behind you to unhook your bra. You gasp when the clasp is released. “Relax, baby. It’s just me,” Taehyung whispers to you in a soothing voice. “I won’t even look if you ask me to. You know that, right?”

You do. But you also do. Want him to look, and more. As the garment is pulled away from your body, slowly, Taehyung’s eyes remain stuck to yours. Your own water at the love, admiration and respect you feel for him in the moment. Actually, not just in the moment. Always.

A sob escapes your lips. You rush to wrap yourself in his arms, again. “Baby?” he sounds worried. “What—what happened, sweetheart?”

“I just love you a lot, Tae,” you speak into his skin in a nasally, snot-filled voice. “A lot. You’re my most precious gemstone in the whole world. Never leave me, baby. Never ever.”

Taehyung presses a multitude of kisses to the crown of your head, and you feel wetness seep into your shoulder when he nuzzles your nape. “I love you too, my babylove. And I’m not going anywhere. Not now, not ever.”

“Promise?” you mumble. “This is forever?”

You feel him nod against you. “Forever, baby. I promise.” He pulls away from you, eyes still on your face as he wipes away your tears and the obviously ruined makeup if his own is anything to go by. “Do you want to seal it? With a promise ring?”

You gasp. This is the stuff from teenage romance novels that you’ve always dreamed of. “I… Yes! Yes, Tae, oh my God, yes, yes, please yes!” you happily chant, grabbing both his hands and wringing them around as you roll in the bed.

Taehyung chuckles, calming you down by pulling you in for a kiss. The familiar heavenly feel of his pillowy lips has you quieting down and kissing him back. His palm slowly travels up the curve of your waist to curl around the side of your breast. Your breath hitches.

Taehyung brushes his tongue against your lower lip, and pulls back. “Is this okay?” he asks, giving a slight squeeze.

You almost squeak at the sensation, rapidly nodding your head like a dummy. Smiling, he captures your lips again and massages his palm over the peak of your breast, squeezing when you moan into his mouth. You lose yourself in his taste and touch.

His lips travel lower to your jaw, peppering kisses on their way. You release a sigh of bliss, hands carding through his hair. His teeth scrape over your collarbone, quickly latching onto the skin of your neck. You cannot hold back the whine that leaves you, sensations travelling down to the bottom of your stomach.

“Mine,” he breathes into your skin, sponging kisses over the bite he has just left. “Only mine.”

“Only yours, baby,” you breathe out, rolling on your back as he presses his face against your sternum.

“You’ve made me the happiest man, bub,” he breathes onto your chest, a finger drawing patterns around your navel as he cuddles into you. “I’ll get you that ring and prove myself to be the best boyfriend, in the world. I’ll love you more than you ever thought was possible.”

Tears trickle down your eyes at his words. “And I’m gonna be the best girlfriend in the world to you, baby. You’re my dream come true. My real life prince charming.”

He doesn't say anything for a while, just hugs you tighter. His lips feathers soft kisses to the tops of your breasts, and a hand plays with imaginary patterns on your stomach. And then you feel his head getting heavier. You want to ask him if he’s sleepy, but you cannot even open your eyes with how heavy they’ve gotten. You breathe out as he holds you closer, and slowly drift into sleep...

Your eyes watered as the scenes played out in your head, everything you’d been unable to recall gradually coming back. You realised you’d been going about it the wrong way, trying to recall your passionate moments, when it had all been an extremely emotional affair.

You bit your lip as you called Taheyung’s cellphone. You were gonna beg for his forgiveness and then kiss him silly. You loved this boy so much, oh God.

The phone was picked up after three rings. “Hi, kiddo!”

You blinked at the unexpected voice and greeting, but then recognised it to be Hobi’s. Oh how you wished you could yell at the guy for making your life miserable by mixing drinks at his damn party. You exhaled, though, and tried to clear your head. “Hobi oppa, hey. Where’s Tae?”

“At the Kappa rehearsal hall with me!” Hobi cheerfully told you. “We’re doing a k-pop routine today. You know how he gets with those, right? He’s been practising this one move that he can’t get right for so long, ugh. Do you need a message conveyed?”

You frowned to yourself. It had been a while since Taehyung visited the rehearsal halls. Was he trying to distract himself from the disaster you’d brewed up for him? Very likely. “No, no, I’m gonna…” You stopped yourself. Maybe an element of surprise would work better. “I’ll call later, when he’s done,” you said, instead, already mapping a way down to the university campus and the rehearsal hall as you hailed a cab.

You received Hobi’s text on your way, stating that they were all leaving for the ice cream parlor opposite the building and that you may contact Taehyung now if you wanted to. You were kind of grateful they’d all left the rehearsal hall. You weren’t sure how you’d call Taehyung aside in an echoing hall with mirrors and Hobi’s dance team. And what would you do if he refused you? You weren’t prepared for that kind of humiliation. An ice cream shop, you could do.

On reaching your destination, you exited the cab, determined. You looked up at the striking capital K embossed in gold atop the Kappa rehearsal hall. Then you turned to look across the street and spotted a quaint, cosy looking ice cream parlour painted in beautiful pastels. You crossed the road with hurried steps.

You took a deep breath in. You were gonna apologise your butt off, and then kiss him in the middle of this very place if you had to. God, you felt so guilty! You were gonna make this right.

As you pushed the door open, the entry bell tolled, alerting the girl behind the cash counter of your presence. As she flashed you a bright smile, you realised she looked familiar. She had a really kind face. Maybe you’d seen her around the campus, maybe she was one of Wendy’s friends. 

You stepped in and returned her greeting with a small smile of your own. Then you looked around to spot Taehyung and Hobi’s group. Hobi caught your eye first, standing out with his fiery red hair.

You walked over. “Hey… everyone,” you greeted the table, awaiting Hobi’s reaction and hoping he’d be kinder than Jin. Although half of Jin’s ire seemed to have come from his personal troubles which you really had known nothing about beforehand. You smiled when Hobi’s surprised eyes met yours. “Hi.”

“Oh! Hey, kid!” Hobi greeted you with a huge grin, easing your worries. “You, uh, you came here, whoa!”

You gave a bashful shrug, awkward because you didn’t recognise anyone other than Hobi on the table.

And then you did a double take at the table. You didn’t recognise anyone, indeed! Where was Taehyung?

Hobi noticed your searching eyes. “Oh, Tae went back to the hall, he’d left his phone. He’ll be back in five.”

You exhaled. That wouldn’t do. “I’ll catch him back there, no problem.”

Hobi shrugged his shoulders, without question. “He’d be in hall G.”

Nodding him a quick thanks, you took off, leaving the ice cream shop, and crossed the road back to the rehearsal hall. As you stepped foot onto the linoleum floor of your university's most coveted rehearsal hall, you realized you’d never been here before. Past the revolving gates, you encountered a small reception area where you had to show your college ID to get yourself checked in.

When the man passed your ID back to you over the counter, you made your way down the corridor which was lined by various gates that were numbered alphabetically. These were probably the individual halls. The corridor, you noticed, ran quite long. God, how huge was this place?

On reaching the door marked with a G, you stopped. The door wasn’t fully shut like all the others you’d walked past, right now.

You gave it a slight push, peeking in. Taehyung’s shapely butt greeted you as the guy leant over on the floor, rummaging around for something. Probably his phone. You gaped at the sight for a few extended seconds, before realising how you were being a creep.

You cleared your throat and gave the door a firmer push, opening it wide enough for you to step through. Taehyung’s wide eyes met yours in the mirrored wall he was sat before. You sucked in a sharp breath as his attractiveness smacked you in the face, yet again. Dressed in plain black joggers and a loose fitted t-shirt, he should have had nothing on your white colored high waisted shorts and pale blue button up, and yet he looked like a freaking Greek God, while you...well. You really just looked like a potato trying to play dress-up in front of this guy, swear to God.

He straightened up, running a hand through his dark hair, his eyes following your movements through the mirror as you stepped in. His gaze seemed apprehensive and he really didn’t seem to be in the mood to speak, anytime soon. “Hi,” you whispered through a scratchy throat.

Taehyung’s eyes travelled down your body, making you blush from the inside out as they lingered on your legs. “Hey,” he finally said, audibly exhaling as he sat down, this time, to rummage through some towels and water bottles lying on the floor next to the wall length mirror. “You done with your breather, overnight, then? Can you give me a ring? I can’t find my phone.”

You bit your lip at his caustic tone and taunt. And also at the lack of an address. No babe, no angel? You’d really hurt him. “Uh, yeah, sure,” you quickly said, holding back the flood that was filling up your heart as you fished your phone out from your pocket.

The buzz of a cellphone’s vibration filled up around you. Taehyung bounced back to his feet, attentively kicking off a soaked towel, and there, on the floor, you saw his phone. You disconnected the call as he picked the device up. “Thank you,” he mumbled, breaking your heart with the formality and the repetitive lack of address.

He walked up to you on careful steps, eyes scanning your face as if accessing something. You breathed in. “Tae, can we talk?”

His eyebrows did a thing where one of them rose and the other lowered, very slightly. You nearly creamed your panties. “Depends,” he gruffly said, looking away to inspect his phone. “Are you gonna run off in the middle of it, again?”

You winced, ducking your head in shame. “No. No, absolutely not. Never again, I promise,” you mumbled. You looked up and caught a brief glimpse of his shattered expressions before he pulled on his mask of indifference mingled with slight bother. You felt like shit. “I’m so so so sorry, baby,” you said without any ado. “I acted like a complete idiot and—and really hurt you.”

Taehyug’s whole body seemed to deflate. With his lips pursed and eyes shut, he shook his head. “That you did, babe. That you did.”

You clamped your lower lip between your teeth. “Forgive me? Please?” you breathed out in a really desperate voice, ready to beg on your knees if you had to.

Taehyung opened his eyes with a tired sounding, noisy exhale. “It’s… well, of course, I’ll forgive you, Angel. You’re the love of my life,” he said with a small smile while his eyes still emanated immense sadness. He looked so heartbroken and lost that you just wanted to give him a tight hug. “But, baby. Why? Why did you go through all this trouble of faking memory loss? You ran out on me twice within twelve hours, you know. It hurt like a bitch that you couldn’t just talk to me about wanting to back out. I would’ve understood, baby. You were drunk and emotional, and I—”

You gasped when it hit you. Faking memory loss? Wanting to back out? Oh no. “Tae!” you interrupted him, stepping forth to put both your palms against his chest, resisting the urge to splay them and push them into his toned flesh. “You’ve still got it wrong. I didn’t fake any memory loss, baby. I genuinely did not remember. I promise. I didn’t lie.”

Taehyung frowned, looking confused. “What? But…why did you leave like that in the morning, then?” he asked in a soft voice, looking vulnerable as his hands came up to loop around your wrists.

Your skin as well as your heart warmed at his familiar touch, and this time you did splay your fingers out a bit on his pectorals. “I…” You felt your cheeks and ears heating up when you realized you’d have to actually tell him what you’d assumed you’d forgotten. “Um, Tae, we—uh, we were nearly naked when we woke up, you remember?”

Despite the situation, a corner of his lips ticked up and his hands left your wrists to wrap around your waist. “Uh huh, vividly. What of it?”

You felt the heat climb down your ears, to your neck. You looked down at his beautiful collarbones to avoid the intensity his eyes suddenly shone with. “Well, it — it made me think that maybe, you know… stuff might have happened between us. Um, you know…?”

When you felt his hold slacken, you looked up to find Taehyung gaping at you with his jaw dropped really far down and eyes as round as golf balls. “You thought we had sex?” he squeaked, face contorting in horror. “No…you thought you forgot that we had sex,” he corrected himself, horror growing on his face as you pursed your lips in silent acquiescence.

“I felt horribly embarrassed,” you quietly confessed, making his grip on you tighten again. “Our first sexual encounter was — well, is going to be something I remember and cherish for the rest of my life. I hated myself for blanking out on it.”

“But you could’ve asked me!” he desperately said, shaking his head as if in disbelief.

“Yeah, about that.” You narrowed your eyes at him. “I kinda did, but somebody just gave me suggestive glances and confuddling freaking words that concreted my doubt of us having had sex!”

Taehyung grimaced. “Yeah, I was tryna tease, but it came back to bite me in the butt.”

You rolled your eyes with a small chuckle, sliding your palms past his shoulders to grip his neck.

“As it stands, I’m sorry, too.” He looked at you with parted lips and big, innocent eyes. “I shouldn’t have doubted you like that.”

You looked in his now regretful eyes with love bubbling in your chest. “How could you ever think I would wanna back out, baby?” you whispered, leaning in close enough to taste his favorite strawberry milkshake on his breath. “You really are my most precious gemstone in the whole world, Tae,” you relayed your words from that night, making his eyes widen. “My dream come true. My real life prince charm—”

With a growl Taehyung captured your lips in his. You melted in his embrace, nails digging into the back of his neck as you drank your fill of him. Your lips moved in sync, the most natural rhythm in the world to you. You had missed this, missed him so much, in just a day. You really couldn’t live without this boy. He was your whole world.

His tongue swiped past the seams of your lips to delve deeper, and you allowed him entry with a deep moan, going lax in his arms as he plundered your mouth. You felt him move you around, and then a cold surface was pressing into your back. Taehyung sidled up to you, his planes molding smoothly into your curves. You sighed into his mouth, tasting him to the fullest as you ran your own tongue over the ridge of his upper teeth. His chest vibrated with a groan, making you shiver.

You closed your teeth around his lower lip and sucked, making him gasp and push against you harder. His own teeth scraped against your upper lip. Goosebumps spread all over your body.

His arms left your waist to pull at your own, slowly travelling down your shoulders, to encircle your wrists and pin them next to your head. He pulled away with a heaving chest, and you gasped in a large breath. Your eyes fluttered open.

He looked good enough to eat with his eyes shuttered, dark hair brushing his miles long lashes, and lips cherry red with your kisses. “I love you so so much, my babylove,” he whispered, strawberry scented breath washing over your face.

You inhaled his essence. Your eyes watered at the love reflected in his own. “I love you, too, Tae. I love you forever.”

Pinned between him and, you could now tell, the mirror, your heartbeat quickened when he licked his lips. Without another word, he leant down to sponge open mouthed kisses down your neck.

“Tae,” you breathed out, “we’re in...publi—ah!” you broke on a gasp when he licked a strip up to your jaw.

Your eyelashes fluttered as he came back up to look into your eyes with his own darkened in lust. “You didn’t cover the marks, did you?”

Your breathing almost stopped at his deep octave. Nearly trembling in his grasp, you shook your head. “I w—w—wore a shirt to… hide ’em,” you managed to breath out, going insane under his heated stare.

He let go of your arms to unbutton the collar of your shirt. You looped your fingers through the waistband of his joggers, chewing on your lower lip when he undid another button. And another. And then another. “You look really fucking sexy today, by the way,” he grumbled into your neck, leaning in to lave his tongue over the deep purple marks he’d left there. “Love the shorts.”

You bit back a whimper when his teeth scraped against the flesh just beneath your collarbone. 

“I happen to remember another mark,” he spoke into your skin, nose dragging down your sternum and sinking into your cleavage. One of his fingers came up to drag against the top seam of your bra. In a swift motion, he scooped the cup down to free your right boob. One of his fingers came up to encircle your nipple, making it peak immediately. Humming in satisfaction, he moved the shapely digit up to rub against the mark you remembered he’d left there. “Would you look at that.” His voice was now a growl, hot breath warming the skin of your breast as he spoke. “My baby looks so pretty.”

That was your last warning before Taehyung was engulfing your peak into his mouth. You stopped breathing. Frozen in place, your thighs tingling at the sensation and your core clenching in anticipation, a breathless heave left you when his tongue flicked against the pebbled nipple. You desperately clutched onto him for dear life, one hand grabbing hold of his shirt at the waist and the other coming up to grip a tuft of his hair. “Tae...hyung,” you whined, eyes screwed shut as he sucked hard.

He let go of your boob with a pop, only to tease his mark with kitten licks. You were gonna die. 

One of his hands glided over one of your thighs, hooking under your knee to lift your leg up and slot himself further into you. Your eyes flew open when you felt the stiffness between his legs. He felt hard. And he felt huge. Gulping, you tugged at his hair to pull him away. He separated from you with dazed eyes, blinking rapidly as if to focus on your face as he breathed through his wet, rosy, parted lips.

Sexy fucking beast.

As you looked into his crazed eyes, he pressed harder against you, pushing his length against the crotch of your shorts. You whimpered, your fists tightening on him when the zipper of your shorts bumped into your clit. Taehyung’s eyes lit up with interest. He repeated the motion. You threw your head back, giving up when he picked up pace, rubbing against you with his own breathing laboured.

Sweat beaded your forehead, and his hand came up to support the back of your neck, palm of the other still holding up your leg to provide him with the required leverage. You let out a guttural moan when he leant in to lick at your nipple with the flat of his tongue. “Tae…” you sighed, attempting to collect some semblance of your sanity, but failing.

Taehyung sped up, almost rutting against you, and you rolled your hips against his to match the pace. His mouth latched onto your neck, shooting off sparks down to your core and fueling the fire bubbling in the pit of your stomach. You were about to combust. “My baby,” he grumbled into your ear, scraping his teeth against the flesh behind it. Your entire body shuddered. “Only mine,” he growled again.

You nodded blindly, gasping when he bit down on your flesh. His hand suddenly left your neck to brush down your front, tweaking your nipple, and settled onto the waistband of your shorts. His eyes met yours through the haze of lust you two were choking on, and you gave him a nod of consent. He deftly unbuttoned the garment, hips not ceasing for a moment as his fingers glided down your abdomen. 

The first contact his fingers made with your clit was explosive. Your back arched off the wall, mouth falling open on a silent scream. He nudged against your bundle of nerves twice, before moving down your wetness to sink two of his gorgeously slender fingers into you. You had been flooding your panties since the moment your eyes met. Both his fingers slid right in. His hips stuttered to a halt, lips falling open on a gasp. Your hand left his head to clutch at his shoulder, pulling him in further when he let go of your knee.

“You are soaking, baby,” he breathed, awe and surprise spilling off his throaty timbre. His fingers curved in you, rubbing against that spot inside of you that had taken you months to locate properly. He did it in under five seconds, and now he was playing you like a violin. You were gonna die!!! Your eyes fell shut again. His fingers were merciless, massaging your insides and pushing against your warmth. “Yes, you like that? Do you like that baby, hm?”

You managed a broken nod, gasps layering on one on top of the other. “T—Tae…Tae…”

“Come on, my love. Let go,” he whispered, swiping his tongue over your trembling lips before latching onto them.

A stroke of thumb against your clit, and you fell apart with a vibrating groan into his mouth. The knot tightening in your stomach suddenly expanded into a tsunami of sensations that travelled down to every single nerve ending in your body. Your walls clenched around his fingers as waves over waves of blinding, white pleasure crashed into you. Your legs jittered beneath you, spasming beyond your control.

It took you longer than a few seconds to come back to the land of living. You were not used to this.

You opened your eyes excruciatingly slow, as if waking up from unconsciousness. But when you did, Taehyung had already extracted his hand back from you, righted your bra, buttoned up both of your garments, and was now licking your wetness off his fingers with his eyes shut. The sight made you thump back against the wall, jolting his hand that was holding onto your waist and making him open his eyes in surprise.

You looked at him from under your lashes, your chest rising and falling with heavy breaths. “What…” you panted, “the hell…”

Taehyung had a starved look in his eyes when he met yours that, despite just having had the best orgasm of your entire life, made you wanna throw him on his back and ride him to the high heavens. “I take it you liked that,” he murmured, cradling your waist in his arms.

“Liked it? Are you insane?” you scoffed. “Taehyung, I…” you heaved a breath out, picking up your leaden arms to rest against his shoulders. “I couldn’t breathe. It was unlike anything I’ve ever felt,” you whispered, feeling vulnerable and at the same time protected.

Taehyung, contrary to your expectations, gave you a sincere smile instead of the smirk you’d envisioned. “Makes me the happiest man. I love you so much, you know?”

You giggled, pulling your lips in. “I love you, too, you insanely insanely sexy man,” you teased, making him scrunch up his nose in embarrassment. Something poked your thigh when you shuffled closer to him, and you gasped. “Babe, what about you… your… um.” Your wide eyes pointed down at his nearly fully erect member. 

Taehyung gave a laugh. “Well, we can always go back to the dorms and take care of it together,” he suggested, making your cheeks flame up and your battered pussy reignite in excitement. “I was dry humping you like a thirteen-year-old. Couldn’t let our first sexual encounter be about that.”

“You were lucid enough to think about all that?” you asked him, genuinely curious.

“No, that was a lie.” Taehyung gave you a bashful shake of head. “I was a goner, babe. I just…” His tongue came out to lick at his lower lip. “I just had this sudden urge to feel you. Couldn’t control it.”

You shakily exhaled. “Your fingers are amazing. No, you are amazing,” you mumbled, leaning in to press a kiss against his lips. You suddenly pulled back with your eyes wide. You looked around the hall, frenetically. “Wait, this place doesn’t have cameras, does it?”

Taehyung laughed with his lips pursed. “Of course not, darling. Who do you think I am?”

“A really sexy guy who missed his girlfriend?” you teased again, and this time, he kissed you in retaliation.

Pulling away, he looked at you with stars in his eyes. “Wait,” he mumbled, reaching into his pocket for something.

You had a guess what it could be. 

Pulling out a plastic case that obviously housed a ring, Taehyung sucked in his lower lip as he looked at you. Pinning you against the mirror, he popped the box open between your faces. Your eyes left his to look at the ring — a simple, silver band with a dainty knot embossed on it. Your eyes watered.

“It’s beautiful,” you mumbled through a clogged throat.

“My angel, my other half, the love of my life,” Taehyung whispered, paying no heed to the tear that travelled down his cheek, “do you promise to be mine forever?”

You sobbed. Clamping a hand over your mouth, you nodded, frantically. “Yes. Yes, I promise. I promise to be yours forever.”

He plucked the ring out of the box and slid it on your finger. Sobs wracked the two of you as you hopped into his arms, tucking your legs around his waist when he lifted you off the floor. “I love you so much, oh baby,” he sobbed into your neck.

“I love you, too, my love, I love you, too.”

Fifteen minutes later, after crying for a while, admiring how cute the ring looked on your hand, ensuring that Taehyung wasn’t even the slightest bit hard, and nearly leaving his phone behind again, the two of you exited rehearsal hall with your entwined hands swinging between you. 

“So,” Taehyung suddenly commented, a sly smirk on his face. “Bet you can’t get amnesia about coming for me in Hobi hyung’s rehearsal hall, huh? Even if you tried? Mission accomplished!” 

You gasped, raining down smacks on him right there, on the side of the road. He was gonna tease you about your wrong interpretation of that night, forever, it seemed.

“Hey, I was kidding!” Taehyung exclaimed, sheltering himself with his arms. “Let’s go ask hyung what he mixed with the vodka that gave you amnesia in the first place!” 

You stopped with your attack. That seemed like a great idea. You were dying to ask the man that, yourself. “Let’s.”

As you two walked back to the ice cream shop, your ring glinted, reflecting sunlight. You looked at Taehyung who was grinning to himself. 

You were the happiest, today, that you had ever been in your life.

note: angst by the virtue of miscommunication is my fav sort of angst to write. in the original draft, this story was to end when OC got back to Tae's dorm to sort things out, but then my mind said naAAHHH. mORE ANGST!!! lmao, anyways. thank you for reading! jin's story should be up next, if all goes according to plan. wait around~ 😘💕

© bangtae-sohotddaeng | 2021

#vantaenet #bangtanarmynet #thebtstown #taehyung smut #taehyung fluff #taehyung angst #bts smut #bts fluff #bts angst #bts v #bts kim taehyung #kim taehyung #bts imagines #taehyung imagine #*mine #tossw #youth series #IM SO FUCKING EXCITED ABT THIS SERIES YAAAAASSSSS LEGGOOOOO

[fandomregina]

Can we talk about the scene when Mirabel finally stands up to Alma and Casita breaks? (This is going to be a long analysis post so you have been warned) I also apologize now for the bad GIF quality

(I will not be posting all of these at once but, hopefully, they won't be too far apart. The GIFs just take so long lol)

Part 1- this one!

Part 2

Part 3

Part ?

Extra symbolism and things I saw

Ok.

Starting off just after Mirabel and Isabela finish Isabela's "What Else Can I Do?" Number. She has around her blue (calmness, peace, comfort, happiness), red (strength (which is probably why Luisa has a red hair ribbon) passion, determination), and purple (transformation) (also bi colors!) flowers around her. I'm pretty sure they're Dahlias (symbolize elegance, inner strength, change, creativity, and dignity) and Primulas/Primrose (a sign spring has arrived=new life after suffering (winter); youth, femininity, and safety and protection).

Now, when Alma gets there, starting off with Mirabel, she just looks upset that the time with her sister has ended and is upset and concerned because she probably know what's about to go down. Isabela looks terrified. She flinches when she hears Alma. She looks down at her clothes. They're messy, colorful, not perfect. This girl is terrified.

["Abuela? It's okay! Everything's... We're gonna save the miracle. The magic..." "What are you talking about? Look at our home! Look at your sister!" "Please just... Isabela wasn't happy and she didn't-" "Of course she isn't happy. You ruined her proposal."]

Here we see these flowers dying. Isabela gets rid of them. She's ashamed. She tries to clean herself up. She's glancing nervously between Mirabel and Alma and making sure that what they just did isn't able to be seen around the house. She doesn't know what to do. She stands there as Mirabel starts to argue with Alma. The lighting of the scene also begins to change. The sun has set and it's getting darker. The house is getting darker and the only light really is at the center of the house where Alma and Mirabel stand and the candles surrounding them.

["No, no, no. She needed me to ruin her proposal. And then we did all of this! And the candle burned brighter and the cracks-" "Mirabel." "That's why I'm in the vision! I'm saving the miracle!"]

We see Isabela move to Alma's side. Taking her side. After Mirabel says she needed me to ruin her proposal she glances nervously over at her like she doesn't want Alma to know that she does want to marry Mariano. She doesn't want her "perfect" image that her Abuela has of her to go away. As she walks towards Alma, she also tries to wipe her face. Mirabel is trying her hardest to explain to Alma what's going on but she just isn't listening, as always.

["You have to stop, Mirabel!"]

Stop what? Influencing her siblings? Standing up to Alma? Trying to change things and make them better? Trying to figure out how to help the family? At the beginning of the movie, while everyone is setting up for Antonio's gift ceremony, Mirabel tries her best to help. While in the town, she sings "The Family Madrigal". Alma asks her "What are you doing?" Then, she gets in the way a bit when she enters the house, Isabela telling her to stay out of the way. She then tries to set up the candles and paper outside of the doors and Alma tells her "Maybe you should leave the decorations to someone else?" When she burns Alma's paper. She continues saying "Mirabel, I know you want to help, but tonight must go perfectly. The whole town relies on our family, on our Gifts. So, the best way for some of us to help is to step aside. Let the rest of the family do what they do best." Alma is pretty much telling her because you don't have a Gift, you can't help anyone so step aside. I mean... here, she's just telling Mirabel to stop trying to help the family because she's doing nothing but being in the way. Mirabel, at this, recoils and furrows her brows. You can see the wheels starting to turn in her brain as the last of the pieces fall in to place.

["The cracks started with you. Bruno left because of you."]

Although she's technically right that Bruno left because of Mirabel, it wasn't because of Mirabel. It was for Mirabel. He knew that if Alma saw the vision of the house breaking behind Mirabel, because Bruno often saw the future and it had bad outcomes, he broke the vision and left to protect Mirabel. Alma pretty much stalks towards her. Mirabel continues to shrink and move backwards. As she moves backwards, so does all of the progress she's made to help the cracks and the miracle. The cracks start again. She's scared. Upset. Alma's yelling at her. To me, I think this is to sort of remind us that Mirabel is only 15 and Alma is ranting about how everything bad that has happened in the last 10 years is because of her. (She also seems to have a nervous thing of picking her nails/holding her hands together)

["Luisa's losing her powers. Isabela's out of control. Because of you!" I don't know why you weren't given a Gift, but is is not an excuse for you to hurt this family."]

They look ashamed. Because of Alma yelling about their issues (powers and un-perfectness/no obedience) or because their younger sister is standing up to Alma and they aren't on her side. The two are powerless (and literally about to be).

[I will never be good enough for you.]

(I'm going to put these 3 GIFs together).

The cracks start to get worse, get more violent, foreshadowing what's to come. Mirabel finally understands how her Abuela sees her. Nothing more than a nuisance hurting the family. No matter how hard she tries, no matter how far backward she bends, no matter what she does, because she doesn't have a gift, Alma will never see her how she wants her to. And she's hurting the family? If anything, she's helping it. She listened to Luisa. She lets Isabela be free and non-perfect. She helped Antonio get his gift. She figured out how to stop the cracks. She warned Alma about them the night of Antonio's gift ceremony. She was the only one who tried to seek answers on how to help Casita. But Alma is so set on keeping things the way they are, not changing them, that she rather push all of the blame on Mirabel than to try and step away and listen to someone else. I know this is because she doesn't want to lose her home, her family, again. But we can't just say that it's ok for her to act like this for 50 years and not change. We have to hold her accountable for her actions while also remembering the trauma she has. Again, this movie deals with generational trauma. We see this in the last song where Abuela apologizes and starts taking the steps to better herself and start communicating with the family better about her fears and changing her perspective on what she needs to do to protect her family.

["Will I?"]

Now, we see Mirabel's parents come in. Everyone is technically on Alma's side.

Part 2

#the family madrigal #madrigal #encanto analysis #the family madrigal analysis #analysis #alma madrigal #isabella madrigal #maribel madrigal #julieta madrigal #luisa madrigal #encanto #angst

[hinagamoizaf]

Odaiba Memorial Day 2021

My first Odaiba Memorial Day while being an active part of the fandom, and it’s high time I write an essay about my crackhead obsession with Yakari.

(*There will be some swearing & f-bombs in this post) As a kid, Yamato was like the ‘blue and cooler Taichi’ to me, like he doesn’t exist without being adjacent to the gogglehead. Also my family didn’t have the full Dark Masters arc in our CD collection, so I literally knew nothing about Yams’ emotional meltdown. But now, I adore this overly sensitive dork, and I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. Maybe I’m biased in this reading, but I think Yamato has had to push himself to mature faster than his peers; and he’s very much a mini-adult at a young age. For all these grand monster battles, the main cast are still children; among them Yamato is a kid dealing with a lot of unresolved issues but he’s got a lot of heart, he’s passionate about those he holds dear but he just doesn’t know how to process this. Another thing that goes hand-in-hand with Yamato is the fact he’s a musician. Again, I could be reaching way into my ass here; but there’s this mumbo jumbo real life idea of the ‘depressed creative’, and Yamato works his way out of that dangerously romanticised label. The kid’s got a passion for music, he’s literally been playing the harmonica since Takeru was in diapers .Without spoiling DA:LEK, Yamato still holds onto that flame into adulthood but it’s not something he can actively work on; and that takes its toll. I love Yamato because he’s someone who cares so much about those around him and what he does; and he’s just a kid who’ sorting things out and wanting to better himself and well fuck, if that isn’t relateable. Even with the flaws that the Tri films have, I think it’s a natural progression for Yamato’s character journey. I see people saying how ‘they just turned him into a tsundere’ or ‘he’s so snappish now’. But seeing as most of the Tri cast are in High School and general teenagers are assholes to each other, yeah it’s not unreasonable to see why Yamato’s the way he is now. He didn’t lose his touch with the Crest of Friendship; when the literal world is up in flames, there’s still the same loyal and compassionate Yamato who understands the importance of being there for and with his friends. Yamato’s a big mushy boy who has a hard time conveying what he feels and his needs; Hikari isn’t any better and this was how I grew to love the concept of them being together. She’s not the Chosen Child of Light for nothing, Hikari’s symbiotic partnership with Tailmon is a very shoehorned metaphor of being an angel from Heaven and I absolutely eat that shit up. Fans have pointed out Hikari’s so mysterious with her role and powers as late member of the team, the same can be said for her personality. You see Hikari, you think ‘sweet, little girl’ and in part thanks to the 02 dub, she grows into being this sassy brat. 

A brat who has trouble asserting herself and is prone to literally get dragged into an ocean of depression. Like any respectful human, Hikari cares for her friends and family; but a mixture of that and a tendency to devalue herself is Hikari’s fatal flaw. She’s too self-sacrificing to a fault, and this reflects the other extreme end of her crest. In my own overly pretentious words, I think Hikari has self-imposed on herself for ‘being the light of the team’; like she carries herself as a doll whose job is to bring others out of darkness when she’s still stuck in the shadows herself. Hikari doesn’t allow herself to verbalise her wants, let alone her needs because she doesn’t want to inconvenience others; she just goes with the flow and puts on a mask of toxic optimism. 

I am aware this analyse could be me scraping the bottom of the barrel, but it’s how I interpreted Yamato and Hikari’s character; and now I’ll articulate my brain rot  with how the fuck are these two being shipped.  

You have these two people who already have this history and experience of being Chosen Children, but there’s also an underlying sub-connection of them being each other’s brothers’ best friend. As many Yakari fanfics have headcanon, it’s not unreasonable to think that Yamato’s at the Yagamis’ apartment frequently because A) Taichi is his best friend and B) The Ishida apartment is prolly empty ‘cause Hiroaki’s out being a workaholic. The Yagamis become the family that Yamato didn’t have growing up, and they welcome him with open arms. At their apartment, things are warm and rowdy, he doesn’t have to be alone with his thoughts and they treat him as a second son. Listen, I've been a diehard Takari shipper too, but I genuinely think Takeru and Hikari can be platonic soulmates. They know each other like the back of their hand, they’re cosmically entwined and their Digimon are in sync; they’re also legit a pair of best friends too. I know early 2000’s fics depict Yakari as being this big drama; but I have a weak heart and I’m here to say Yakari can be cosy and comforting and they’re just two idiots in love who need to be honest with each other.

I imagine their courtship not to be this grand display of fireworks and ‘the chase’, but a very subtle experience with slow burn. For me, Yakari is very much the first blossom of spring. They represent new beginnings and youth, the gentle lull of Mother Nature tending to the earth, something that’s natural but the routine has existed for centuries. Yakari is very much a gentle love, and with everything I’ve said about their characters; these two learn to embrace and nurture the other until they have a whole garden of spring’s blossoms. 

This crackship has the surface-layer appeal of ‘brooding lone wolf’ and ‘sweet angel’, so when you peel the layers to find these two very private characters who just need that one-on-one reassurance/affirmation; this ship is a warm blanket of fluff and yes that’s basically the plot of my fics. It’s the charm of slice-of-life, the endearment of growing and improving yourself with the one you love with the occasional reminder that this is a series founded on puppies evolving into angels. 

I’ve had enough of tragedies and melodramatic love affairs. I write about Yakari because as cliche as this sounds, I want more stories about ‘the light of friendship’. Yes that was a god awful line, but it captures why I have brain rot for this pair. To celebrate my first OMD, I have uploaded a special chapter on my AO3 fic titled ‘Mon ange’; it wouldn’t be August 1st if I didn’t half-hazardly work on this leading up to the big day. It couldn’t fit on Instagram, but this rambling piece is part of a bigger essay on my tumblr, so that’s also up and running. I hold Digimon near and dear to my heart, and I go about sharing that love by gushing about Yakari.

#Yakari #Yamakari #Odaiba Memorial Day #August 1st #Digiweek2021 #Hinaga Moizaf #Yamato x Hikari #Odaiba Memorial Day 2021 #1st August #Crackship #Crackfic #Digimon Fandom #Digimon Fans #Creative Writing #Archive of Our Own #Ao3fic #Digimon Last Evolution #Digimon Tri #Digimon Adventure 02 #Digimon Adventure #Hikari Yagami #Kari Kamiya #Yamato Ishida #Matt Ishida #Nostalgia

[soliverse]

cinderella and the mystery of the red lipstick (sfw version) - d.sc

reader x roommate!winwin

genre: fluff, humor, (optional smut below)

warnings: a bunch of swearing, mean insults and a bit of gaslighting

word count: 2972

synopsis: this is another Cinderella fic, except for the fact that she left lipstick stains instead of glass slippers

tags:

@byutafy for the short notice beta reading. love you!

networks:

@nctcreations @kdiarynet @kpopscape @kwritersworld @culture-cafe @neowritingsnet @neoswitchnet @czennienet @nct-writers

prompt:

The song it was based on was Lips by NCT 127 (although it leaned towards the demo version more)

It was also a bit upbeat because the song Cinderella by CNBLUE (the Youth With You version) has been stuck on my head for ages now.

Enjoy reading!

Love, Ellie.

It was already two in the afternoon but Winwin still stayed lying in bed, clutching his blanket close to his body in an attempt to prevent the chill of the afternoon breeze from coming in contact with his bare skin.

The plan was to stay in bed until all remnants of the vodka and last night's shenanigans have washed away. Or until he dies from starvation. But his roommates have other things in mind.

"WINWIN HYUNG!"

He was jolted awake by the loud noise coming from his bedroom window. Half-awake, he peeked through the sheets to see what the commotion was about.

The first thing he saw was Lucas holding his now broken doorknob in one hand, happily waving it around like a lightstick. Hendery was happily mumbling some bullshit that he didn't care enough to comprehend. Xiaojun was holding a tube-like contraption that he assumed was confetti, Ten and Yangyang were on the side, dancing like the game show girls while holding up each side of a handmade banner stating "Congrats on getting laid!" badly written with a green crayon. Meanwhile, Kun at the end of the line, leaning back at the door frame with his arms crossed while watching all of the chaos unfold right before him.

"Fuck off..."

Winwin grunted and grabbed the pillow under his head, throwing it with full force so that it ended up hitting Xiaojun on his chest.

They seem to have taken the hint because they all scrambled outside, laughing their asses off as they try to get away and avoid getting their asses kicked by a martial artist.

Meanwhile, Winwin buried his face under the thick sheets, trying his best to block the light coming from outside from reaching his eyes, heightening his already throbbing headache. He was planning to stay in bed no matter how loud his stomach grumbled, but his resolve is weaker than he expected. Begrudgingly, he dragged his tired ass out of bed to take a cold shower, hoping that will shake his hangover out.

///

“Holy shit.”

This wasn’t the usual statement that he says to himself whenever he would look at himself in the morning. However, as soon as he lifted his head in the mirror to wash his face, he might as well be an extra for a horror movie.

All over his upper body, especially the neck and chest area, was filled with red smudges. He also found tiny hints of it at the corners of his lips. Upon closer inspection, he realized that it was lipstick.

Whoever he made out with (or had sex with) last night must’ve gone wild and tried to mark every part of him that she could place her lips on.

Winwin felt his heart sink. He couldn’t, for the life of him, remember who he was last night. Just like his body, the memories of her red lips lingered on his mind. But that’s about it.

It took him a long time to squint his eyes and try to recall the moments leading up to him getting on the bed with someone, but it only made his headache worse. Defeated, he chose to let everything go and proceeded to hop in the shower just like he initially intended.

He opened the shower, letting it get to his desired temperature before he stepped in and let the water flow from his hair to the rest of his body. He didn’t move, instead of leaning one of his hands on the wall for support as he closed his eyes and tried to soothe himself with the water pressure from the showerhead. He took a deep breath, letting the air come out slowly of his lips, eyes still heavily shut.

That’s when the memories kicked in.

He finally remembered being in that same position, in a familiar corner of their dorm, as he leaned over to kiss the girl with the red lips. He also remembered the heat, the intensity of the kiss as his subconscious made him remember that he was gasping for air afterward. And so, he resorted to kissing her jaws instead. She willingly returned the favor, which is probably where he’d gotten the smudges that he found that morning, and how her red lips formed a proud smile as she kept on going, painting his fair skin with her rouge.

He sucked in another lungful of air before opening his eyes and hopping back into reality. He’s still clueless as to how the girl looked like, but he was determined to find out who’s the owner of those red luscious lips, and he would love it all over him again.

///

Sicheng came out of his room already dressed up, water still dripping from his hair to the towel that he placed on his neck. He made his way to the kitchen and he found the rest of his friends sitting around the table, smiling like idiots.

“What?”

He asked, already annoyed about how they’ve been acting all day, or at least, for the past two hours.

“Yangyang saw you enter your room last night. With a girl,” says Kun.

“Uhh, duh?” Ten replied, raising an eyebrow at the older as he grabbed the butter knife and spread peanut butter over a piece of bread.

“How sure is everyone that it was a girl?” Hendery squinted his eyes, trying to look intimidating as he interrogated his friend for further details about last night.

“Why is everyone so concerned if I fucked a girl or not? Or if I fucked at all?” Winwin replied in annoyance, coming out almost whiney, hoping that they would cut the questions out and leave him and his breakfast alone.

“You don’t know either, do you?” Xiaojun tried not to laugh as he stuffed a sunny-side-up egg in his mouth, failing at the last minute to the point that he almost spat some of it out.

Winwin sighed. He knows they will plague him with questions until next week and will do anything to squeeze it out of him at the best of their abilities. Him getting laid feels like some event to be celebrated because out of all the guys, he was the least interested in women. Not that he doesn’t like them, it’s that he just refused to do it unless he’s genuinely interested in the girl.

Or guy.

Was it a guy?

Winwin resorted to stuffing his mouth with as much food as he can because it would give him an excuse to not speak further and answer their questions. For how long he can keep it up is a question that he’ll have to face once his plate full of food is decimated.

///

By the time you get into your brother’s dorm, the whole place was so trashed that you even hesitated to proceed inside. However, your mother asked you that morning to come over to your brother’s dorm as he refuses to reply to her texts and respond to her calls that morning.

“Ssup, nerd.”

You always cringe whenever Hendery calls you that nickname. Not that it affects you or anything. It was just so… old-school. You’re a big fan of insults and you would certainly be happier if the nickname was a bit more creative.

“Ssup, failure.” You replied, sitting right beside him as you grabbed a plate and helped yourself with the food served at the table, courtesy of Kun. He’s the only one that’s competent enough to fry eggs that beautifully.

“Mom’s been calling non-stop since last night. I didn’t tell her I wasn’t with you. I couldn’t come up with an excuse so I just told her you slept early because of morning classes.”

Hendery snickered.

You and he have very different lifestyles. He was supposed to be two years ahead of you in college, but he’s always caught up in partying and having fun that he missed some subjects that he had to retake that year. One more fuck up and you’ll be joining him in classes next year. And as your parents’ only hope, you feel compelled to stay away from all the fun stuff until you graduate. That is also the reason why Hendery felt it was his moral obligation to shoo you away from last night’s party, despite sharing the same room as him.

At least that's what he told you. You have a reason to believe that he shooed you away last night just so he can do whatever he wanted without you around to snitch on him.

“Everything’s fine, kid. I already told her the same thing last night. You and I share the same brain.”

“Yes, except one of us has his brain fried by substance abuse and the other has a perfectly functioning human brain capable of making future science discoveries.”

Your eyes then diverted to the guy sitting right across you. He looked sickly and pale, his organs probably screaming inside asking to die.

“What’s up with him?” You asked your brother.

“He had done the deed with a guy last night.” Winwin, with an expressionless face, was quick to throw a flying spoon in Hendery’s direction. The milk splattered everywhere, but Hendery was able to evade it, laughing maniacally as he wiped the milk off of his arms.

“Hey, you’re good with this investigation stuff, right? Maybe you can help prince charming over here find his Cinderella?”

///

"Tell me what you can remember."

Winwin thought you looked ridiculous when you grabbed a pen and a notepad, looking like some low-budget investigator in the movie. He wasn't in the mood to play along, but he might as well humor you and find out what happened last night.

"This may not help at all, but I can't remember jack shit except for one thing," He paused. You raised both eyebrows expectantly, signaling him to answer faster. "Red lips. That's the one thing I haven't forgotten about."

You scribbled the word, red lips in your notepad.

You scribbled a few more words and nodded as if you understood its implication.

"Well, that doesn't narrow down the suspects at all."

You placed your notepad in your pocket and stood up from your seat.

"We shall now go and investigate the crime scene."

///

You decided that the crime scene was Winwin's bedroom since this is where he found himself last.

Winwin saw that you're very detail-oriented, looking at every nook at cranny to see traces of the mystery person around and aid in the investigation.

His room was cleaner than you'd expected, so finding things that stick out or are out of place will be a clear sign of the perpetrator.

You searched high and low, from the shelves to the bed, but you're only able to find two things that might help his case.

As soon as you lifted one of his pillowcases, you saw traces of red smeared across its white surface. Some of it even transferred in the bedsheets.

"Your story checks out. It is red lipstick." You lifted the pillow and walked towards Winwin, who's just sitting at one of his bean bags and mostly just observing you doing your stuff.

You pointed out the smudges to him and he nodded. You then proceeded to grab one of your magnifiers from your backpack and looked at the stains for closer inspection.

"Seeing its transferability, I can say that the lipstick in question has a satin finish. The shade, as far as I can see, is somewhere in between orange and bright red." You grabbed your notepad once again and listed down your observations.

"Know anyone who wears that often?" He proceeded to shake his head.

"Alright then. Now, we ask the witnesses."

You were about to leave the room when Winwin called you out to call your attention.

"Hmm?"

"I think there's something under the bed."

He stood up from his seat and proceeded to walk towards his bed, kneeling as he tried to reach for something below.

You were surprised to see what he found, though. In between his fingers is a piece of thin, lace material, glowing red just like the lipstick shade. It was someone's underwear.

"Yeah… I think we should keep that from the witnesses."

///

"Where were you at the time of the incident?"

As it turns out, the rest of the boys are no more helpful than Winwin. You just finished interviewing Kun, Ten, Yangyang, Xiaojun, and Lucas. The boys themselves barely remember what they did last night, let alone whatever their friend was doing. Meanwhile, the victim (aka Dong Sicheng) sat there right alongside you while you asked the questions. You asked them if they were helpful at all, but alas, nothing resonates to him.

"Hey, aren't you going to ask me about last night?"

Hendery popped out in the makeshift interrogation room (aka the living room) and sat down right beside you, peeking in at your notes.

"Nope. I only interview reliable sources. You can barely remember your stuff sober." You stuffed your notepad back again at your backpack, hugging it close to your body to keep it from your brother.

"I saw Winwin with someone though. He was making out with someone right just a few meters away from his bedroom."

"Go on…"

"I didn't see her well though. She was pinned across the wall and Sicheng hyung's body was blocking the view."

You sighed.

"See. It was pretty useless information."

He was about to say something else, but you cut him off.

"I'll keep them in mind, thank you very much."

///

You’ve finally sat down back again in the kitchen to give yourself a moment of peace to piece the things you found together. Winwin is just right beside you, just quietly observing just as usual.

Everything is laid out across the kitchen table, your notepad, the pillowcase, the underwear (which is kept in a ziplock bag for hygienic purposes).

“You still don’t remember anything?”

“I do remember seeing those before, but nothing is still coming out. I still can’t remember who she is.”

You can tell that Sicheng was getting a bit frustrated. He was trying his best to remember as he once again shut his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows, seeing if there is anything that he is missing.

As he did this, Hendery popped in again in the kitchen, this time holding a full laundry basket.

“I would just like to let you know that I am being a good brother and roommate by doing your laundry.”

“Yes, yes. Thank you Hendery. You did well." You smiled at your brother to acknowledge him, but you mostly did it just to shoo him away from the investigation room. He seems to have gotten the idea and left as soon as he showed the basket to you for one last time.

He shut the door and you were met with a deafening silence once again. This time though, you felt weird energy coming from the guy right in front of you. He stared at you for a long time, specifically your lips, and then he started to break down right in front of you.

"Shit."

"Hmm?"

You asked him what the problem was, but all that came out of his mouth are grunts and a string of curses.

"You alright?"

He was now going between laughing and frustration, rubbing his hands on his face as he lets out all emotions.

"It was you all along. You're red lips girl."

You smiled as you looked at your phone to check the time.

"Five hours. I'm impressed. If that was my brother, it would've taken him a week or two."

"Why didn't you just tell me? I feel stupid."

"And take the fun out of it? Nope."

You then watch him react, different kinds of emotions flooding in at the same time. You laughed as you stood from your seat and patted his back.

"What gave it away?"

He stopped reacting for a while, composing himself as he relayed his deductions to you.

"I had my suspicions when you opened your bag to get the magnifying glass. I saw a red lipstick tube scattered across but I dismissed it since any girl would have lipstick on her bag. I was also confused when you refused to acknowledge the underwear. I saw it from my point of view, but it's like you purposely didn't look under the bed just so you won't find it. You know it was there, didn't you?"

You finally grabbed a seat right beside him, interested to hear what he has to say next.

"And then there's Hendery's story. You didn't ask him to mess with him. It's because he did see us. I remember now, it's what got us in this mess in the first place…"

You nodded to acknowledge him. You've always known that he's a bit smarter than the other guys, but he was very observant as well. That's why he was quiet all the time.

"Lastly, when Hendery came in with your laundry, there was something sticking out," He picked up the ziplock and held it across your face. "The bra that came with this, it was sandwiched along with your other clothing, but the bright color stuck out to me."

"Mhm… " You nodded in approval. You didn't even notice that last one, but he was able to pick that as well.

"And then I stared at your lips for a while. That's when it hit me. It was the same lips that I claimed last night. The red lips that drove me crazy…"

You gave him a small round of applause as he finished his spiel.

"Honestly, you were on point on everything. I'm just sad that you can't remember anything."

His moment of clarity was shut down and he smiled apologetically.

"Want me to tell you what happened?"

He nodded profusely.

It was already two in the afternoon but Winwin still stayed lying in bed, clutching his blanket close to his body in an attempt to prevent the chill of the afternoon breeze from coming in contact with his bare skin.

The plan was to stay in bed until all remnants of the vodka and last night's shenanigans have washed away. Or until he dies from starvation. But his roommates have other things in mind.

"WINWIN HYUNG!"

He was jolted awake by the loud noise coming from his bedroom window. Half-awake, he peeked through the sheets to see what the commotion was about.

The first thing he saw was Lucas holding his now broken doorknob in one hand, happily waving it around like a lightstick. Hendery was happily mumbling some bullshit that he didn't care enough to comprehend. Xiaojun was holding a tube-like contraption that he assumed was confetti, Ten and Yangyang were on the side, dancing like the game show girls while holding up each side of a handmade banner stating "Congrats on getting laid!" badly written with a green crayon. Meanwhile, Kun at the end of the line, leaning back at the door frame with his arms crossed while watching all of the chaos unfold right before him.

"Fuck off..."

Winwin grunted and grabbed the pillow under his head, throwing it with full force so that it ended up hitting Xiaojun on his chest.

They seem to have taken the hint because they all scrambled outside, laughing their asses off as they try to get away and avoid getting their asses kicked by a martial artist.

Meanwhile, Winwin buried his face under the thick sheets, trying his best to block the light coming from outside from reaching his eyes, heightening his already throbbing headache. He was planning to stay in bed no matter how loud his stomach grumbled, but his resolve is weaker than he expected. Begrudgingly, he dragged his tired ass out of bed to take a cold shower, hoping that will shake his hangover out.

///

“Holy shit.”

This wasn’t the usual statement that he says to himself whenever he would look at himself in the morning. However, as soon as he lifted his head in the mirror to wash his face, he might as well be an extra for a horror movie.

All over his upper body, especially the neck and chest area, was filled with red smudges. He also found tiny hints of it at the corners of his lips. Upon closer inspection, he realized that it was lipstick.

Whoever he made out with (or had sex with) last night must’ve gone wild and tried to mark every part of him that she could place her lips on.

Winwin felt his heart sink. He couldn’t, for the life of him, remember who he was last night. Just like his body, the memories of her red lips lingered on his mind. But that’s about it.

It took him a long time to squint his eyes and try to recall the moments leading up to him getting on the bed with someone, but it only made his headache worse. Defeated, he chose to let everything go and proceeded to hop in the shower just like he initially intended.

He opened the shower, letting it get to his desired temperature before he stepped in and let the water flow from his hair to the rest of his body. He didn’t move, instead of leaning one of his hands on the wall for support as he closed his eyes and tried to soothe himself with the water pressure from the showerhead. He took a deep breath, letting the air come out slowly of his lips, eyes still heavily shut.

That’s when the memories kicked in.

He finally remembered being in that same position, in a familiar corner of their dorm, as he leaned over to kiss the girl with the red lips. He also remembered the heat, the intensity of the kiss as his subconscious made him remember that he was gasping for air afterward. And so, he resorted to kissing her jaws instead. She willingly returned the favor, which is probably where he’d gotten the smudges that he found that morning, and how her red lips formed a proud smile as she kept on going, painting his fair skin with her rouge.

He sucked in another lungful of air before opening his eyes and hopping back into reality. He’s still clueless as to how the girl looked like, but he was determined to find out who’s the owner of those red luscious lips, and he would love it all over him again.

///

Sicheng came out of his room already dressed up, water still dripping from his hair to the towel that he placed on his neck. He made his way to the kitchen and he found the rest of his friends sitting around the table, smiling like idiots.

“What?”

He asked, already annoyed about how they’ve been acting all day, or at least, for the past two hours.

“Hendery saw you enter your room last night. With a girl,” says Kun.

“Uhh, duh?” Ten replied, raising an eyebrow at the older as he grabbed the butter knife and spread peanut butter over a piece of bread.

“How sure is everyone that it was a girl?” Yangyang squinted his eyes, trying to look intimidating as he interrogated his friend for further details about last night.

“Why is everyone so concerned if I fucked a girl or not? Or if I fucked someone at all?” Winwin replied in annoyance, coming out almost whiney, hoping that they would cut the questions out and leave him and his breakfast alone.

“You don’t know either, do you?” Xiaojun tried not to laugh as he stuffed a sunny-side-up egg in his mouth, failing at the last minute to the point that he almost spat some of it out.

Winwin sighed. He knows they will plague him with questions until next week and will do anything to squeeze it out of him at the best of their abilities. Him getting laid feels like some event to be celebrated because out of all the guys, he was the least interested in women. Not that he doesn’t like them, it’s that he just refused to do it unless he’s genuinely interested in the girl.

Or guy.

Was it a guy?

Winwin resorted to stuffing his mouth with as much food as he can because it would give him an excuse to not speak further and answer their questions. For how long he can keep it up is a question that he’ll have to face once his plate full of food is decimated.

///

By the time you get into your brother’s dorm, the whole place was so trashed that you even hesitated to proceed inside. However, your mother asked you that morning to come over to your brother’s dorm as he refuses to reply to her texts and respond to her calls that morning.

“Ssup, nerd.”

You always cringe whenever Hendery calls you that nickname. Not that it affects you or anything. It was just so… old-school. You’re a big fan of insults and you would certainly be happier if the nickname was a bit more creative.

“Ssup, failure.” You replied, sitting right beside him as you grabbed a plate and helped yourself with the food served at the table, courtesy of Kun. He’s the only one that’s competent enough to fry eggs that beautifully.

“Mom’s been calling non-stop since last night. I didn’t tell her I wasn’t with you. I couldn’t come up with an excuse so I just told her you slept early because of morning classes.”

Hendery snickered.

You and he have very different lifestyles. He was supposed to be two years ahead of you in college, but he’s always caught up in partying and having fun that he missed some subjects that he had to retake that year. One more fuck up and you’ll be joining him in classes next year. And as your parents’ only hope, you feel compelled to stay away from all the fun stuff until you graduate. That is also the reason why Hendery felt it was his moral obligation to shoo you away from last night’s party, despite sharing the same room as him.

At least that's what he told you. You have a reason to believe that he shooed you away last night just so he can do whatever he wanted without you around to snitch on him.

“Everything’s fine, kid. I already told her the same thing last night. You and I share the same brain.”

“Yes, except one of us has his brain fried by substance abuse and the other has a perfectly functioning human brain capable of making future science discoveries.”

Your eyes then diverted to the guy sitting right across you. He looked sickly and pale, his organs probably screaming inside asking to die.

“What’s up with him?” You asked your brother.

“He had done the deed with a guy last night.” Winwin, with an expressionless face, was quick to throw a flying spoon in Hendery’s direction. The milk splattered everywhere, but Hendery was able to evade it, laughing maniacally as he wiped the milk off of his arms.

“Hey, you’re good with this investigation stuff, right? Maybe you can help prince charming over here find his Cinderella?”

///

"Tell me what you can remember."

Winwin thought you looked ridiculous when you grabbed a pen and a notepad, looking like some low-budget investigator in the movie. He wasn't in the mood to play along, but he might as well humor you and find out what happened last night.

"This may not help at all, but I can't remember jack shit except for one thing," He paused. You raised both eyebrows expectantly, signaling him to answer faster. "Red lips. That's the one thing I haven't forgotten about."

You scribbled the word, red lips in your notepad.

You scribbled a few more words and nodded as if you understood its implication.

"Well, that doesn't narrow down the suspects at all."

You placed your notepad in your pocket and stood up from your seat.

"We shall now go and investigate the crime scene."

///

You decided that the crime scene was Winwin's bedroom since this is where he found himself last.

Winwin saw that you're very detail-oriented, looking at every nook at cranny to see traces of the mystery person around and aid in the investigation.

His room was cleaner than you'd expected, so finding things that stick out or are out of place will be a clear sign of the perpetrator.

You searched high and low, from the shelves to the bed, but you're only able to find two things that might help his case.

As soon as you lifted one of his pillowcases, you saw traces of red smeared across its white surface. Some of it even transferred in the bedsheets.

"Your story checks out. It is red lipstick." You lifted the pillow and walked towards Winwin, who's just sitting at one of his bean bags and mostly just observing you doing your stuff.

You pointed out the smudges to him and he nodded. You then proceeded to grab one of your magnifiers from your backpack and looked at the stains for closer inspection.

"Seeing its transferability, I can say that the lipstick in question has a satin finish. The shade, as far as I can see, is somewhere in between orange and bright red." You grabbed your notepad once again and listed down your observations.

"Know anyone who wears that often?" He proceeded to shake his head.

"Alright then. Now, we ask the witnesses."

You were about to leave the room when Winwin called you out to call your attention.

"Hmm?"

"I think there's something under the bed."

He stood up from his seat and proceeded to walk towards his bed, kneeling as he tried to reach for something below.

You were surprised to see what he found, though. In between his fingers is a piece of thin, lace material, glowing red just like the lipstick shade. It was someone's underwear.

"Yeah… I think we should keep that from the witnesses."

///

"Where were you at the time of the incident?"

As it turns out, the rest of the boys are no more helpful than Winwin. You just finished interviewing Kun, Ten, Yangyang, Xiaojun, and Lucas. The boys themselves barely remember what they did last night, let alone whatever their friend was doing. Meanwhile, the victim (aka Dong Sicheng) sat there right alongside you while you asked the questions. You asked them if they were helpful at all, but alas, nothing resonates to him.

"Hey, aren't you going to ask me about last night?"

Hendery popped out in the makeshift interrogation room (aka the living room) and sat down right beside you, peeking in at your notes.

"Nope. I only interview reliable sources. You can barely remember your stuff sober." You stuffed your notepad back again at your backpack, hugging it close to your body to keep it from your brother.

"I saw Winwin with someone though. He was making out with someone right just a few meters away from his bedroom."

"Go on…"

"I didn't see her well though. She was pinned across the wall and Sicheng hyung's body was blocking the view."

You sighed.

"See. It was pretty useless information."

He was about to say something else, but you cut him off.

"I'll keep them in mind, thank you very much."

///

You’ve finally sat down back again in the kitchen to give yourself a moment of peace to piece the things you found together. Winwin is just right beside you, just quietly observing just as usual.

Everything is laid out across the kitchen table, your notepad, the pillowcase, the underwear (which is kept in a ziplock bag for hygienic purposes).

“You still don’t remember anything?”

“I do remember seeing those before, but nothing is still coming out. I still can’t remember who she is.”

You can tell that Sicheng was getting a bit frustrated. He was trying his best to remember as he once again shut his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows, seeing if there is anything that he is missing.

As he did this, Hendery popped in again in the kitchen, this time holding a full laundry basket.

“I would just like to let you know that I am being a good brother and roommate by doing your laundry.”

“Yes, yes. Thank you Hendery. You did well." You smiled at your brother to acknowledge him, but you mostly did it just to shoo him away from the investigation room. He seems to have gotten the idea and left as soon as he showed the basket to you for one last time.

He shut the door and you were met with a deafening silence once again. This time though, you felt weird energy coming from the guy right in front of you. He stared at you for a long time, specifically your lips, and then he started to break down right in front of you.

"Shit."

"Hmm?"

You asked him what the problem was, but all that came out of his mouth are grunts and a string of curses.

"You alright?"

He was now going between laughing and frustration, rubbing his hands on his face as he lets out all emotions.

"It was you all along. You're red lips girl."

You smiled as you looked at your phone to check the time.

"Five hours. I'm impressed. If that was my brother, it would've taken him a week or two."

"Why didn't you just tell me? I feel stupid."

"And take the fun out of it? Nope."

You then watch him react, different kinds of emotions flooding in at the same time. You laughed as you stood from your seat and patted his back.

"What gave it away?"

He stopped reacting for a while, composing himself as he relayed his deductions to you.

"I had my suspicions when you opened your bag to get the magnifying glass. I saw a red lipstick tube scattered across but I dismissed it since any girl would have lipstick on her bag. I was also confused when you refused to acknowledge the underwear. I saw it from my point of view, but it's like you purposely didn't look under the bed just so you won't find it. You know it was there, didn't you?"

You finally grabbed a seat right beside him, interested to hear what he has to say next.

"And then there's Hendery's story. You didn't ask him to mess with him. It's because he did see us. I remember now, it's what got us in this mess in the first place…"

You nodded to acknowledge him. You've always known that he's a bit smarter than the other guys, but he was very observant as well. That's why he was quiet all the time.

"Lastly, when Hendery came in with your laundry, there was something sticking out," He picked up the ziplock and held it across your face. "The bra that came with this, it was sandwiched along with your other clothing, but the bright color stuck out to me."

"Mhm… " You nodded in approval. You didn't even notice that last one, but he was able to pick that as well.

"And then I stared at your lips for a while. That's when it hit me. It was the same lips that I claimed last night. The red lips that drove me crazy…"

You gave him a small round of applause as he finished his spiel.

"Honestly, you were on point on everything. I'm just sad that you can't remember anything."

His moment of clarity was shut down and he smiled apologetically.

"Want me to tell you what happened?"

He nodded profusely.

(link to the optional smut right here)

#nctcreations #kdiarynet #kpopscape #kwritersworldnet #neoculturecafe #neoswitch #neowritingsnet #cznnet #nct-writers #nct #wayv #wayv smut #wayv fluff #wayv imagines #wayv humor #dong sicheng #winwin #winwin smut #winwin fluff #winwin fanfic #winwin au #winwin x reader #winwin wayv

[allthingsmustfall]

For @rockscanfly ‘s prompt of “charles gets to watch arthur do embarrassing shit all the time. whats one time that arthur saw charles do something embarrassing?” which ate my brain and made me cackle incoherently to myself.

This is the ‘like thieves in the night’ verse, after they get to Serendipity and before John’s in the know:

Arthur’s been loitering near the stables, avoiding Hosea’s endless dickering to make nice with some a new foal and its weary momma, so it’s only seeing Charles’ back go rigid that makes him glance up.

It’s a bright spring morning, just barely out of the grip of winter, and they’d ridden down to the Smit’s ranch to pick up a few head of cattle for the farm, something that Arthur figures should’ve taken ten minutes, but with Hosea there’s always twenty minutes of small talk and an hour of haggling over prices, so he’d settled in for the long haul while Charles inspected the herd.

Arthur leans out of the barn to get a better look at Charles, who’d been leaning against the fence, smiling vaguely as he looked out over the rolling hills. He’s not doing that now - his hackles are up and he jumps back from the fence like he’s touched a live wire, furtively casting around like he’s looking for cover in a firefight.

Doesn’t seem to Arthur that anything’s changed, really, Hosea’s still up on the porch with the owner, and it seems his eldest daughter has stepped out to join them. She’s a nice enough girl, just turned twenty with no ring on her finger, and she’s plush and soft in the way Mary was, like she’d break should Arthur so much as look at her wrong. Matilda, Arthur remembers suddenly, her name’s Matilda.

Glancing back to Charles, he finds the man has jumped the fence, making for the side door of the stable, creeping along like he’s hunting game.

“Charles!” Matilda calls from the porch, her voice bubbling with the kind of excitement that only comes with youth. She dashes down the steps, her skirts in hand. “Daddy didn’t mention you’d be coming down too!”

From where he’s leaning, Arthur can see Charles’ face through the side window as he’s caught, and his eyes go rabbit-wide, and he mutters a curse that Arthur has only ever heard him use when he’s talking about the Army or Dutch.

“Heey there, Matilda,” he says, voice strained as he turns on his heel, still backing away slowly.

Matilda is fussing with her hair, straightening her dress as she comes up on the fence. “I told you,” she teases, “My friends call me Maddie.”

Charles makes a strained noise and backs into one of the struts holding up the stable’s overhang. “I - yes. Sorry, Maddie. I was just - just going to take a closer look at the herd -”

“You know,” Matilda says, like she’s being subtle or shy, “I never did get a chance to thank you proper for seeing me home after Glenda threw a shoe.”

Charles throws up his hands, “No need for thanking,” he says quickly. “Just - being neighborly.”

“Lending me your coat,” Matilda goes on, oblivious, “Letting me squeeze up behind you on the saddle - “

Purposefully, Arthur bites down on his knuckles to stifle a laugh .Somehow, Charles has neglected to relate this particular little story of neighborly good-deeding. Funny, that.

“I just - the weather was real bad,” Charles says, still backing away. Arthur has seen him less wary around rattlers. “Just - best for all that you got home safe -”

“It was just so - heroic,” she says, wistfully. “Daddy says you’re an American? You used to be a cowboy out on the frontier?”

“Oh no I - I just - I - just ranching, mostly,” Charles lies, because if the girl wants heroic stories, then Arthur’s got a few dozen to fill her head up with. “Nothing interesting -”

Matilda sighs gustilly, fanning her chest as she positions herself in a way she must think looks enticing, but mostly seems uncomfortable. “It sounds so romantic.”

“It’s not,” Charles says, almost plaintively. “It’s really -”

“Oh no,” she says, purposefully letting an old handkerchief flutter into the muddy paddock. “I dropped my handkerchief.” She leans over the fence, making as if to grab it, but even from this angle Arthur can tell she’s just shoving her breasts together as she leans over, deepening her cleavage with a lot of creative positioning and hope. “Would you be a dear and grab that for me?”

Charles stills, looking from the girl to the pile of manure it’s landed in and says, deliberately, “I’d just as soon leave it, miss, I think it’s ruined.”

Arthur just about has to shove his fist into his mouth to silent a peel of laughter at that, almost doubling over.

The girl pouts, but goes on unperturbed. “You know, I’m a really good baker,” she says hopefully, perking up. “I’d love to come by Serendipity sometime, just to show my appreciation. Momma says no one makes pie like me, you know. Would you like a slice of my pie, Charles?”

Charles just about yelps, probably because he backed his way onto a loose, rusty nail in the side of the barn, cowering back like he’s never done for lawmen or O’Driscolls or the god damn US Army, but it’s just as well, because that sends Arthur to the ground, wracked with silent laughter, and the shout covers the noise of him sinking to the ground.

“I don’t - like pie,” Charles says shortly, which as far as metaphors goes, ain’t even a little bit wrong. “I. My. I been stepping out with Tilly Jackson for a long while now, and she makes, uh, some real nice biscuits, though -”

“You mentioned her,” Matilda says, her voice going a bit suspicious. “I saw her ‘round the market last weekend and she seems real surprised you told me about the two of you -”

I bet she was, Arthur thinks hysterically, another peel of laughter trying to claw its way out of his throat.

“Oh no,” Charles whispers to himself, quietly. Arthur claws his way back to his feet just to see how wide his eyes have gotten, and he’s not disappointed. There’s small rodents living out in the desert with less fear of hawks than Charles has for Matilda Smit in this moment.

“-and she told me you two called things quits? She said you’re a real gentleman but you broke her heart.”

“Did she,” Charles says darkly, in a tone of voice that promised later retribution.

“I think any woman would be lucky to have you, Charles Smith,” she says, earnest and sweet, blinking big brown eyes at him like a fawn in spring.

“That’s - uh, that’s real kind, but really, it was Miss Tilly who broke, uh, my heart,” he says quickly, “I’m just. A broken man about it.”

Tactical mistake, Arthur thinks. In his misspent youth, Arthur has used that line to the exact opposite effect that Charles is hoping for.

On cue, Matilda makes an anguished noise. “Oh you poor thing,” she says, hitching her skirts up to climb over the fence. “Oh, women can be so, so cruel, you deserve yourself a good wife, and lots of babies running around -”

“No, no, no, miss, please!” Charles says, pure panic in his voice, “You’ll muddy your skirts. You just. Stay over there.”

“You’re such an gentleman,” she says, almost as if it pains her, but she at least stops trying to go over the fence. “I was thinking, maybe you’d like to come around some evening,” she says, and her voice goes sly for a moment, “You know, my daddy is driving the herd down to Montreal the end of the month -”

If he was a good man, Arthur would stop this, but thank god he’s a bastard because the anguished noise that Charles makes at that invitation is one that will bring Arthur joy for years and years to come.

“I wouldn’t want to - to presume, Miss Smit -”

“Maddie!” the girl says sharply.

“Maddie! I wouldn’t - I wouldn’t want to bring you any trouble-”

“I like a bit of trouble-”

“And I just - the farm needs me -”

“You’re so responsible -”

“And I, I, uh, uh -”

“No need to get flustered, Charles,” the girl says, all sweet and understanding, “We both want the same thing-”

“Arthur!” Hosea calls jovially, striding into the barn and drawing up short when he finds Arthur doubled over, barely holding back tears of laughter. “What on earth are you-?”

“...Arthur?” Charles growls from the other side of the wall, suddenly glaring in through the window at the pair of them. “You been there the -”

“Mister Matthews,” Matilda says, sounding put out and sour, “Charles and I were just - “

“I’m real sorry, Miss Smit,” Charles says quickly, “We best be on our way. Gotta drive the cattle home -”

“Think Hosea and I could manage it the two of us,” Arthur says helpfully, palming away tears. “If you wanted to -”

“No!” Charles says, then more calmly, “No, no, I think it’s best we all three of us go, just to be sure. Sides,” he says, glaring at Arthur, “We got things to discuss when we make it home.”

Arthur flashes him a sharp, innocent smile, shrugging. “Don’t wanna get in the way of young lo-”

“I’ll go see to the horses,” Charles snaps, heaving himself over the fence and stalking away to where they’d reined up the horses, but not so fast that Matilda doesn’t have the opportunity to lean over, whisper too loudly, “End of the month!”

“What on earth was that about?” Hosea asks, frowning faintly after him.

“Oh, don’t you worry, I’ll tell you the whole thing,” Arthur says, laughing despite himself. Charles was gonna skin him alive, but there wasn’t a force on earth that could stop him telling everyone back home.

~A few hours later~

Lenny is laughing so hard he can’t breathe, doubled over on the ground, looking near to passing out, and Sean and Karen ain’t much better off, both leaning against each other to stay upright.

“I think it’s entirely fair I said what I said,” Tilly says, unrepentant. “What on earth were you thinking? You know I’m thinking about letting Beau Montreau step out with me, and he’s skittish as a cat -”

“I’m just telling her I’m an invert,” Charles says wearily, headown on the table and, taking pity on him, Arthur quietly refills his glass. “It was a nice life here, but it’s time we moved on.”

“And break her heart?” Lenny manages, weeping with laughter. “You scoundrel.”

“Now I ain’t a jealous man,” Arthur says, enjoying this far, far too much, “But if you’re leaving me for her, best you just come out with it, do it quick like setting a bone.” Arthur makes a show of marshalling himself. “Do it now, quick, while I’m ready.”

Charles’ lashes out, but Arthur ducks the smack deftly, catching his hand and pressing a kiss to his unresisting knuckles, only dropping it when the door creaks open behind them. John struts in looking pleased with himself, fresh back from town with the groceries. “Ya’ll will never guess what I heard down in town - seems Charles’s finally got himself a woman - hey, hey! What’s so goddamned funny!”

#prompts #my fic #charthur #like thieves in the night #completely self indulgent #and i have no regrets #rdr2

[vickyvicarious]

So having just finished watching The Bank Shot Job, I have realized another thing I adore about Hardison.

His confidence.

And not just in his computer skills. Those are obviously well-founded and given his reputation it makes total sense he'd be cocky and overconfident about them. Except it isn't overconfidence, is it, when he always backs it up.

No, what struck me here was his confidence with people. He isn't a grifter like Sophie, he isn't an especially great actor. He says ridiculous stuff like "we just got back from handling a chupacabra situation" and overacts his emotions to the point of comedy. His characters aren't necessarily very nuanced. But he gets away with it, every time, and why? Because he is so confident in himself, he railroads right over the logical part of people's brains going "....wait a minute."

One of my favorite early scenes from the Mile High Job is when Hardison enters the elevator as a janitor, blatantly blocks the other guy from coming in, changes clothes on the way up, and then accuses the guy of being racist so he doesn't catch on to Hardison being the same guy. He SAW his face, he KNEW it was the same person. Hardison raised a fuss, talked quickly and over top of him, then got out while he was still reeling.

And even that guy, by the end of the episode, didn't question that Hardison worked in the building for a while before this. He gets people so caught up in his pace that they just go along with him, and that is carried purely by his confidence.

We see it with the whole crew to some extent, of course. While Parker is the one most obviously worried about grifting, everyone has their own moments when they hesitate. Still they all have confidence and plow through to achieve their objective - but none with Hardison's flair. He never just takes up space, he owns it.

And part of it is simply the fact that he is such a genius. He knows it, and uses it, and his skill, intelligence, and creative mind help him through everything. But it would be so so easy to go the route of having the genius hacker be socially awkward or have confidence issues when compared to someone like Eliot. And Hardison just never does.

He proudly proclaims "age of the geek, baby," gets annoyed at Eliot mocking the geek stereotypes. He likes all the typical geeky stuff (scifi, WoW, Doctor Who have been specifically namedropped already) and isn't as comfortable in a physical altercation. There are other things that make him feel out of his depths too, on occasion. But that doesn't seem to bother him on any deep level, he doesn't feel lessened by it. Someone's gotta beat up the injured guy and he's fine with it being him, he says. And he isn't actually a skinny weakling, just not well versed in fighting.

Just as Eliot subverts the gruff manly tropes with his interest in cooking and his respect for the women he's slept with, or Sophie with the femme fatale being the mother figure, Hardison subverts the socially awkward genius and the hacker uncomfortable outside of their computers. He dislikes when the option to solve things with hacking is taken away from him, sure, but the same goes for everyone else on the team with their respective skills and they all face situations where they have to adapt.

The writers made a very deliberate choice to make Hardison, not just NOT awkward, but very comfortable with people. He has fun with his cons, throwing in silly and ridiculous details for his own amusement, grinning at people, befriending them easily. They write him being taught how to get along with people into his backstory, and it's not just to contrast with Parker or support her learning how to connect with others though that is a part of it. I'm sure meta on his emotional intelligence and his relationship with her has been written, most notably the "pretzels are waiting for you whenever you want them" scene, and that all holds true.

Hardison is a genius. He's pretty young, which could also play into this usually, the overconfidence of youth (except he never faces a harsh lesson and loses that confidence, not really - gets less brash maybe, more technique, but doesn't lose that base layer of confidence). He is skilled with computers, but he is also well-rounded. Not just in the 'exposition-dropping because I'm smart and I know a lot of stuff' way, though that too. He is an artist, a musician, he likes to learn and likes to create and likes to share his work with people. He is not at all a loner, and flashbacks show that even if he didn't always have close friends he wasn't an introvert.

He knows his talents (and they are many) and believes in himself so much, and it's so clearly not some act covering deep insecurities, that whenever he does hesitate or doubt himself the scene instantly gains so much more weight. It doesn't happen often; it doesn't need to. (Not in any major way, not more than the usual moments of uncertainty the entire crew has on occasion.) But when he does really doubt himself, we really do feel it - and then the others reassure him because he always comes through, and then he does just that. Because it isn't false confidence at all, just honest skill at the end of the day.

After he shows Sophie the edited footage of the bank robbery in this episode (done on the fly, out in the open, while ordering around the cops), she teasingly tells him, "You're still a geek."

Hardison just grins and says, "Power of the geek." He knows that is not an insult. Even if someone ever said it to him meaning it as one, he would know they were wrong and wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

Because he knows his own capabilities, trusts in himself, and walks confidently through life.

(And the whole team are so good about supporting one another and, teasing arguments aside, clearly respecting one another's skills. They all are wonderful with this but I especially want to thank Hardison's Nana because she clearly did so much right by him.)

#leverage #rewatch #alec hardison #my meta #watching hardison makes me realize how tired i am of those tropes #i just love seeing that confidence #i love characters who put on a confident front but have insecurities #but this is so so wonderful

[novantinuum]

Clutching Destiny + 2 and 9 if you want~

Gawd, I really do need to actually WRITE more LoZ fics so there's more I can be asked about siudhsdnghj XD

Bc that's where my Big Excite brain is living right now, but alas 20K of my written work for this dang fandom is literally living in my brain and nowhere else ahahah. Which reminds me... I also need to finish chapter 3 of this. I wrote the first two chapters RIGHT before I started officially working on the prose for the main fic, so I kinda got a bit sidetracked. Might make that my May goal, once I finish my word count goal for Camp NaNoWriMo.

But anyways-

Fic I'm babbling about: Clutching Destiny

(Sir Arwel Haywood, loyal knight of Hyrule's royal guard and proud father of two, has never considered himself a particularly religious man.

Regardless, he can't help but fear the kind of deity who would condemn a mere child to being an instrument of Her endless war.

(Or... the story of how Link's father comes to learn about his son's fateful destiny.))

__

2: What scene did you first put down?

Hah- I actually wrote the first chapter in a two hour fit of creative chaos at like, 1 am. I started musing about the idea for this story while I was doing some backstory work for my current long-fic project. I wanted to muse upon what kind of man I wanted Link and Aryll's father to be, and that led me to think... y'know, what better to show a father's true colors than to present him with the horrifying reality of his son being chosen by the gods for a destiny that he fears will only lead to hardship and ruin, and see how he reacts?

I honestly wasn't sure HOW I wanted to portray Arwel at first, but the moment I started writing him I knew I definitely wanted him to genuinely love on and support his kids. He's a caring father, on the whole. Later on, there's definitely stuff I'd love to dig into pertaining to his training of Link, though... I have the idea that these two are both equally driven and stubborn, with one-track minds once they really get into a task. In addition, Link is a swordplay prodigy, and Arwel takes his role as teacher and royal guard very seriously. So when they're training together, Arwel can often lose track of the fact that he's practicing with his 12 year old son, and not another soldier. Link’s mother Kelra often worries that one of them will end up getting hurt one of these days, and chides on her husband for not taking it slower... for not allowing more breaks... for encouraging Link to push himself so hard at such a young age. So... a good dad, yes, but certainly still has his issues.

Later on, I think Arwel can't help but wonder if the sword would've chosen his son at all, had he not so eagerly guided him down the path of swordplay as a youth.

__

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

At this point, I feel like the alternate version of this fic will be the version of chapter 3 I imagined when I first wrote out my notes for chapter 3, because that was so long ago that I'm pretty sure my thoughts on Kelra (who will show up in this chapter once it exists) have diverged since then, ahah XD

#jen rambles #loz #the ballad of aryll #(associated fic universe) #arwel #kelra

[hanadolphieron]

HOGWARTS AU~

a/n- i do not support jk rowling. this is your (my beautiful, show-stopping, magnificent followers’) christmas gift and i hope she’s annoyed by the fact that a liberal pansexual and a lesbian fanfiction writer wrote a giant post centered around a universe she created ;)

another a/n- i hope all of my oomfies enjoy this, i spent an entire month writing it because i love you guys so much! you have made my year so much better!!!!!!!! big heart!

another another a/b- i started writing for ateez after i finished this, so that’s why they’re not on there. i would put them in, however i have written fifty-four of these and am a wee bit drained :)

_______________________

GRYFFINDOR~

colors; scarlet and gold

traits; bravery, daring, nerve, chivalry

element; fire

symbol; the lion

head of house; chungha

members; nayeon, chaeyoung, jisoo, yeji, ryujin, yuna, mia, sakura, yujin,  heejin, chaewon, chungha, winter, somi

_______________________

HUFFLEPUFF~

colors; yellow and black

traits; hard work, dedication, loyalty, patience, fair play

element; earth

symbol; the badger

head of house; haseul

members; sana, dahyun, rosé, lia, e:u, onda, chaeyeon, chaewon, nako, wonyoung, jinsoul, haseul, chuu, yeojin, giselle, ningning

________________________

SLYTHERIN~

colors; emerald and silver

traits; ambition, leadership, self-preservation, cunning, resourcefulness

element; water

symbol; serpent

head of house; eunbi

members; jeongyeon,  momo, jihyo, jennie, sihyeon, eunbi, yena, minju, yves, olivia hye

________________________

RAVENCLAW~

colors; blue and bronze

traits; intelligence, curiosity, knowledge, creativity, wit

element; air

symbol; eagle

head of house; mina

members; mina, tzuyu, lisa,  chaeryeong, aisha, yiren, hyewon, hitomi, yuri, vivi, kim lip, hyunjin, choerry, karina

________________________

PROFILES~

<im nayeon>

nayeon is a prefect, of course, she used to be the head of house but chungha succeeded her after nayeon decided to focus more on her studies

headcannon that nayeon and chungha are are lowkey besties

they don’t talk much, but they respect each other and always like to have nice chats about the school

but other than her leadership roles, nayeon is like the older sister of the gryffindor house

sort of has no idea what’s going on sometimes but tries her best because everyone asks her for advice

cries at graduation because she loves hogwarts so much

ends up working at the ministry of magic

she’s so perfect help🥺

________________________

<yoo jeongyeon>

definitely has a hufflepuff s/o

i refuse to believe anything else

is everyone’s crush, ryujin follows in her footsteps

is the slytherin seeker, probably flusters the other seekers because she’s intimidating but so gorgeous and charismatic

sorry for projecting my love of jeongyeon but i had to

is excellent at potions and has taught the class at some point

really enjoys hogwarts and takes advantage of all the fun magic it has to offer

is always in the library finding mystery books to read

dark, gothic academia hhhhh

snuck in two kittens along with her owl because she didn’t want to choose

nobody noticed because everyone’s too scared to go into the slytherin common room

________________________

<hirai momo>

famous for bringing a whole ass snake as a pet instead of you know, the legal pets like toads, owls, and cats

starts a dance team

except everyone’s mildly terrified to join because she looks really intimidating

when in reality the only bad thing she’s ever done is stealing sana’s cat because she wanted something to cuddle

and when sana took her cat momo dragged sana over inside to snuggle

as a first year she cried in front of her class one time for some reason that her brain has forgotten to protect her because she freaked the fck out

because she was afraid of tarnishing her scary slytherin reputation

now, she’ll have a good swig of butterbeer and wipe a tear away over how good it tastes (because finals)

________________________

<minatazoki sana>

has most adorable cat, like seriously it’s almost as cute as her🥺

gets drunk on butterbeer constantly

it’s becoming a slight issue

but it’s hard for anyone to stop her, as she works part-time at the three broomsticks and will make you pay more taxes if you annoy her

acts like a slytherin sometimes

because she’s good at everything the slytherin’s do

but sana’s a true hufflepuff at heart, she’s always looking to make people smile

her pranks are always to create a good atmosphere, not to aggravate people

makes hand-made scarves for everyone at christmas

________________________

<park jihyo>

thought she was a gryffindor her entire life

and then the sorting cat called out “slytherin” the second it touched her head

jihyo went 👁👄👁

but she ended up loving her house, and fit right in with her new friends

hates all the cats but they cling to her for spite

(she highkey actually adores them)

LOUD because she’s obsessed with quidditch

like seriously, obsessed, she will never shut up about the chudley cannons (i hope that’s their name) and will talk your ear off for hours just chatting about one game

sits in the library for peace and quiet, but sighs constantly and keeps getting glared at

couldn’t care less though, she needs deep breaths to sustain her sanity

________________________

<myoui mina>

everyone loves her!

she’s one of those people you bring up in conversation just to compliment? because she’s so respectable and wholesome and nice and beautiful and perfect?

leads ravenclaw so well :(

will stay up all night helping younger kids with their classes or subjects that they’re wildly interested in

makes quizlets for everything, her account lags because so many people are using it at one time

goes into the forest at night and dances as a way to relieve stress (we love an aesthetic queen)

________________________

<kim dahyun>

gets into trouble so much 

will risk her education to make people laugh

everyone respects her for it, even the teachers, so she never has many consequences because everyone needs some laughter in their lives

a beater for hufflepuff we love to see it

painted her bat like a badger and calls it tommy

has fallen off her broom more than once because she gets really distracted

the only class she truly focuses on is transfiguration

she loves it for some weird reason and does extra lessons with professor mcgonagall

no one questions it though, because she’s kim dahyun

________________________

<son chaeyoung>

the one who comforts everyone in gryffindor

sometimes expectations to be brave and self-assured can be too much for her fellow house-mates, so chaeyoung takes the role of making them feel safe and helping them relax

the expert at caring for the cats

something about her makes them flock around her feet

they’re always swarming around her feet

one time she actually tripped over one them and broke her shin

but luckily, professor sprout (aka her best friend) helped her through it with some medicinal herbs and long conversations about plants

always wearing comfy clothes

wears a scarf in the dorms for some reason

________________________

<chou tzuyu>

has the prettiest owl to ever exist

and its eyes match up perfectly with hers

everyone has a headcannon that they’re actually twins 

which would entail that tzuyu was born a bird but somehow turned into a human

but no one really dwells on that

caught mina when she was dancing in the forest at night

but vowed never to tell anyone

and now mina invites her to come watch and dance herself

tzuyu actually drew her one time and mina just about melted of embarrassment and  pride and happiness because tzuyu? just drew a picture of her? and it makes her feel so cool and magical?

________________________

<kim jisoo>

empress cat (along with hyunjin and chaeyoung)

those three have the sweetest relationship, you can always find them cooing about the cats together (while holding the cats themselves)

has an obsession with the whomping willow

always sits next to it after she managed to tame it 

reads and does her studies there

is undisturbed and loves it

knows all the staircases for some reason, like has given them names and nobody knows how she’s memorized them all

but if you’re ever lost, jisoo will appear out of nowhere to help

________________________

<kim jennie>

somehow manages to make time for everything

spends most of her time in the library, but also excels at quidditch? and makes it to all of the practices? like jennie stop being so talented (but please don’t we love it)

everyone’s like what an ambitious slytherin smh

cast her patronus on the first try

and screamed because she had a snow leopard! and they’re so adorable!

probably started crying just being honest

intimidates everyone but is a huge softie

has a close-knit group of friends

reminds me of a wolf? for some reason

________________________

<park chaeyoung>

a master at quidditch!

plays chaser on the hufflepuff team and is the captain as well

along with those leader positions, chaeyoung is also prefect

basically, she loves to p r o t e c t

what a hufflepuff smh

laughs so much it’s worrying, you can always hear her giggling throughout the halls of hogwarts

brought a frog

does not regret it at all, she loves zucchini (the frog) with all her heart

keeps it in her jacket pocket

ribbiting noises erupt in the middle of class

________________________

<lalisa monoban>

a beater for gryffinor i mean what were you expecting

was the first person to join momo’s dance team

which scared even more people away (youth with you anyone?)

but lisa is still so sweet, always helping people out

smiles at every single person she passes

her cheeks hurt by the end of the day, partly because of what i just mentioned and partly because rose makes her laugh so much

chases all the cats around

they act tormented but when have cats ever been honest when they like something a human is doing for them

they need the exercise, rose feeds them too much

________________________

<hwang yeji>

looks like a slytherin because of her eyes

but is a true gryffindor at heart, always being brave and kind to her friends and standing up for everyone

almost all of her friends are in gryffindor :) except for lia, who is arguably the most chaotic but stops them from doing anything too dumb

and chaeryeong, who helps more with the excitement management

yeji is a chaser on the gryffindor quidditch team (we been knew) and scores so much the point keeper (?) loses count

definitely has a cat

who snuggles with her in the common room and everyone wants to cry over how cute they both are

everyone talks about how she looks like her cat ;0

is pretty popular, although she’s still so humble

________________________

<choi jisu>

gosh this ADORABLE HUFFLEPUFF

will tackle you if you wrong her, her friends, her plants, or steal her food

got lost on her first day and missed the whole day of classes

was so embarrassed and probably cried poor jisu

but haseul to the rescue! came and comforted her, we love a supportive hufflepuff family

daydreams all the time

professor sprout (is that her name i haven’t read these books in a while) is her best friend and she eats lunch with her sometimes🥺

all the teacher’s love her

except she’s pretty quiet in class, except for her maniacal laughing at chaeryeong sometimes

her and chae are The Best Friends TM

________________________

<shin ryujin>

everyone’s crush who are we kidding (fboi ryu)

a beater, always protects yeji and she loves it, always getting flustered over ryujin

even though ryu’s been doing it for years (however the winks she throws in yeji’s directions would make anyone falter)

the best in class at defense against the dark arts 

got her patronus, a black bear, within a few minutes after learning the lesson

and everyone was like 👀 but honestly not that surprised, because come on it’s shin ryujin herself!

shows off her skills (in everything she attempts) all the time and everyone loves it

in general very well liked, her vibe is so comforting and realistic, and she always says the rights things

________________________

<lee chaeryeong>

patronus = ostrich

chae was so annoyed with this honestly, i mean she’s trying to be this cool light academia ravenclaw and her patronus is an ostrich...

like really. really.

everyone laughed at her disappointing patronus, but chaeryeong didn’t care, she was actually beginning to love its uniqueness

throughout the school, chae is known for her adorably caring personality akin to a hufflepuff along with her wisdom

she helps everyone :(

friends with everyone despite being introverted

probably eats lunch with professor flitwick

she’s just too nice

her aesthetic, as i said, is light academia and she pulls it off so well

organizes all the chants at quidditch games

________________________

<shin yuna>

fred and george but one person

the gryffindor common room is in absolute chaos whenever she’s present

her laugh is contagious and can be heard all throughout the dorms, creating a beautiful sense of togetherness and happiness

keeps everyone’s faith in humanity

the loudest at al the quidditch games

teases her friends 100% of the time but will always hug and comfort them when they’re down

can make anyone smile within a few seconds

hangs out in the kitchen

terrorizes all her dormmates cats

they still sleep with her at night though, her bed is covered in cat fur

________________________

<park jiwon>

spends all of her time in the kitchens

her friends are always begging her to bring food back to the common rooms

and she normally does

in fact, she bakes pastries or cooks something for them most of the time because she’s sweet like that

ran into a painting one time and got yelled at by the person in it

it was the sole most terrifying experience in her life

she almost fell down the stairs

now, she’s actually friends with the people in the painting

and they have (maybe) forgiven her for smacking into their tea table and ruining their lunch

 (which they’ve been eating for years but jiwon did not mention that)

________________________

<kim sihyeon>

on the quidditch team

changes positions every single year for some reason (she’s such an ace)

because she has BIG TALENT

loves being a seeker the most (obviously, because she gets all the glory and she’s a leo with a scorpio mars)

has a black cat with the exact same personality as her

one time it ate her ramen and boy was she mad

but the cat, who was named orange (despite not being orange) really liked the noodles

so jiwon convinced sihyeon to let her make feline-friendly noodles for the cat

which sihyeon agreed to

because seeing orange slurp up a bowl of noodles really makes her day

________________________ 

<han eunji>

is professor mcgonagall’s child

i mean not literally, but still

eunji has been taken under her wing

in fact, she actually taught mia how to be a metamorphmagus

eunji managed to turn into a badger

which wasn’t exactly enjoyable at first, since being a badger doesn’t have many benefits other than being able to dig a hole faster than anybody you know

however, eunji used her badger form as a way to relax, because she could escape from all her problems by turning into a woodland animal and going to take a comfy nap in some flowers

her friends were ecstatic when she told them she had become a badger

e:u immediately made her morph into said animal so she could give mia a hug because fluffy

________________________

<jo serim>

accompanies jiwon to the kitchen most days and prevents her from getting bored with her antics

these “antics” involve things like crouching on the counter next to jiwon and crunching down on carrots

to which jiwon just shakes her head and pulls the carrot right out of her mouth 

loves the toads! she has a speckled one and treasures it with all her heart

steals jiwon’s pastries to feed to them

serim is also always in different places

she’s completely unpredictable, moving all around the school throughout the day

you can’t find her in the same place twice (except for the kitchens)

everyone thinks she��s part fairy because of this and her compassion

________________________ 

<heo yoorim>

spends all her time daydreaming while looking up at the sky from the observatory

i don’t blame her, it does have an exquisite view and even sports a bunch of cushions and blankets on the floor for the sole purpose of taking naps in the sun like a cat

anyways, yoorim is lost in her head most of the time

but always takes a trip back to reality during the day, where’s spotted encouraging her friends 24/7

and laughing nonstop at them

(especially sihyeon)

because while she’s a ravenclaw, loved ones are the most important things in her life

________________________ 

<wang yiren>

joins aisha in her imagining sprees up in the observatory

but gets bored and leaves to go sneak into the slytherin common rooms because she wants to spot the giant squid

who she has made friends with from her constant trips to see it

its name is jerry, for anyone who’s wondering

the slytherins have adopted her as one of their one

and yiren takes great pride in it

because she now has a massive posse of people ready to protect her from anyone who would dare to make her sad

________________________

<kwon eunbi>

keeps everyone in line because she finds everyone annoying

collapses on the sofa at the end of the day

probably snores

has the best self confidence of the whole school

i mean some of it is because she wants to be a good role model, but she really just doesn’t care at this point

her owl would rip any enemies to shreds

because it is pretty fearsome, even if it’s the smallest one professor mcgonagall has ever seen

and she’s seen a lot

probably a tutor ngl

________________________

<miyawaki sakura>

the most passionate gryffindor you’ll ever meet

sakura definitely makes a name for herself cheering at all the quidditch games

and with the fact that she won the triwizard tournament!

keeps the cup in the gyrffindor common rooms

because she sees it as something the house should be proud of, not just sakura

so sweet i can not with her

actually didn’t bring a pet and now regrets it

but she’s busy so she wouldn’t have time to care ofr it

but still

🥺cats🥺

________________________

<kang hyewon>

the seventh years surrounded her on her first day because of her “must protect” energy

and the fact that her toad escaped as soon as she came through the door

which resulted in school-wide panic

they found the toad luckily

well, it actually came running back to hyewon

for some reason, it actually bit her! which made her laugh

the devious amphibian apparently had a habit for escaping, which hyewon learned about after multiple attempts from it at running away

which never worked

because hyewon would get so sad and said toad would feel bad

thus meaning it would turn around and bound back to hyewon

________________________

<choi yena>

immediately fell in love with hogwarts once she saw the great hall

one, because it was full of food

and two, because it’s so pretty! and the starts reflect on the ceiling! and magic!

tried to bond with the sorting hat

and it most likely worked because she is choi yena and can do things like that

a social butterfly without realizing it, everyone wants to talk to her all at the same time and she is b i g s t r e s s e d

helps with homework even if she has no idea what she’s doing

it aides her in picking up the subject because no that she’s having to explain it it clicks in her mind

strategy peeps

________________________

<lee chaeyeon>

the sorting hat knew she was a hufflepuff the minute she walked through the door

her bright energy and happy-go-lucky charm made her a friend magnet, everyone wanted to be her bestie

dances to cheer people up

is friends with all the ravenclaws and joins them in their all-nighters when they’ve discovered a new obsession

wins every single lottery/game/anything that involves chance

her nicknames is felix felicis (i hope i’m spelling that right)

racks up all the house points because the professors can’t help but praise her for everything

and she deserves it to, always running around helping others

________________________

<kim chaewon>

the seeker for hufflepuff

surprised the class and left everyone open-mouthed with her quidditch skills

had no idea she was so good, but after a while begins to take a lot of pride in her talent

the sorting hat considered slytherin for chaewon, but decided against it

which may seem like an odd combination, but it wasn’t uncommon 

befriends all the slytherins and has them head over heels in love with her

same with the gryffindors

in fact, chaewon doesn’t know actually know many hufflepuffs, she’s always gotten along better with the other houses

________________________

<kim minju>

joins vivi in at night whenever she’s in the astronomy tower

has an admirable amount of ravenclaw friends and has practically become one at this point

goes in the common room all the time because she can figure out the riddles

smh their security system really isn’t that good

becomes obsessed with random subjects

has a different best class every year

comes up with her own spells

hogsmeade weekends are her favorite :(

and minju stuffs herself with butterbeer every time

eunbi’s the only person who can keep her in check

________________________

<yabuki nako>

i mean all hufflepuffs are cute-

but nako really takes the cake 

because no one can look at her adorable smile and not think she’s the cutest human to ever exist

drew on the walls of the hufflepuff dorms because she accidentally drank a potion yuri had been brewing

which caused her to go loopy and delirious

eunbi was summoned and forced to tuck nako into bed so she could sleep it off

lights up the room whenever she walks in

everybody swears that the candles actually brighten whenever nako appears

________________________

<honda hitomi>

loves the ravenclaw tower with all her heart :(

almost fainted when she first saw it because of how pretty it was

peak house spirit

ravenclaw only wins the house cup if hitomi has a good year

because she’s just so happy to be a ravenclaw and all the teachers are like yeh hitomi yeh and give her lots of points

became a prefect the first chance she got

doens’t get anyone in trouble though

but no one takes any chances because they don’t want to disappoint her

________________________

<jo yuri>

a master at potions

spends half her time concocting liquids to do a bunch of (benevolent) things

has suspicious stains on her robes

nobody questions it

because she’s a ravenclaw, which means she will feel extremely put off at any sort of accusatory remarks and you won’t be able to understand her answer because of her big brain words

jumps 10 feet in the air if you interrupt her magic

screams too

makes you swear to never tell anyone

but it’s happened to everyone so at this point it’s just common knowledge

________________________

<ahn yujin>

a beater for gryffindor and goes beast mode whenever ravenclaw is playing

because for some reason they make her eye twitch

even if she’s friends with a bunch of them

she’s still just BIG GRR

spends all of her itme in the gryffindor common room

greets everyone when they come in

is on a first-name basis with the entire school and no one knows how she can remember them all

and she’s so sweet to people? how does she deal with it

whenever she comes in the room there’s a chorus of “ahn yujin, the woman, the myth, the legend!”

________________________

<jang wonyoung>

thought the common room actually had badgers in it

and was extremely disappointed when she found out they didn’t

haseul felt bad seeing wonyoung’s sadness and invited her on a badger hunt

they found two

and bonded with them by feeing them food

i don’t know what badgers eat so i won’t specify

but the badgers followed the two home and now the hufflepuff house has two pet badgers

wonyoung takes great pride in that accomplishment

even more than when she (effortlessly) won the triwizard tournament in her sixth year

________________________

<wong gaahei>

super into astronomy and astrology

will stare at the stars all night

has seven telescopes and has no shame

seems quiet at first, but the ravenclaw dorms are always filled with the sound of her laughter (even at 3 in the morning)

daydreams in class all the time

and is confused over everything

but still makes it through with her sweet personality

fell off a broom the first time she ever got on one

because she was so busy watching the instructor that she didn’t realize her head was tilted so far to the side that it unbalanced her and caused her to slip off her broom

________________________

<ha sooyoung>

snako right here wanted to play quidditch her whole life

but sadly, she wasn’t too good at it

however, yves soon realized her true talent transfiguration

seriously, she can change anything into anything

zapped lippie into a mouse one time

professor mcgonagall was not happy

just kidding she was ecstatic and gave sooyoung a detention to teach her how to perfect her skills on turning people into mice

just not jungeun

holds a grudge against the gryffindor quidditch team but won’t ever admit it

but everybody knows

but it’s okay, because sooyoung can get away with anything (and no one wants to be turned into a mouse)

________________________

<jung jinsoul>

famous for winning the triwizard tournament 

because first of all, she didn’t even want to apply, yves and heejin had forced her to as a joke because there was no way she was going to be picked

but low and behold, she was picked

and somehow managed to win every task with pure luck

(and an ungodly amount of encouragement from chuu)

this has made everyone scared of her

which she doesn’t mind a lot of times, because it’s nice to be left alone

and she can easily filter out peole she doesn’t want in her life

but still

to people who aren’t aware of her winnings

she’s about as terrifying as a duck eating lettuce

________________________

<jo haseul>

overworked as the head of house but deals with it because she loves taking care of her fellow puffies

i miss her so much

was on the quidditch team at some point

she can’t remember when

third year maybe

her first four years went by in a blur

she was so enveloped in her studies and loved learning about magic with all her heart

100% got a job at the ministry once she finished her seventh year

there was zero question when choosing the head of house for hufflepuff

everyone immediately nominated haseul

________________________

<kim jungeun>

The Scary Ravenclaw TM

no one messes with her or her posse

a beast at magic has legit something like an 8.0 GPA

everyone’s like jungeun that is hecking impossible

not for her apparently

whipped for all the hufflepuffers and is known to trudge into their common room whenever she’s grumpy

because she knows at least sixteen people will volunteer to hug her

(preferably chuu is in that group)

denies it though

like heck no i hate hugs what are you talking about

________________________

<kim jiwoo>

the definition of a hufflepuff

was the talk of the school the first day because of how big of an impact her positivity and cheerfulness made

she turns heads and doesn’t even notice it😔

didn’t bring a pet, surprisingly

but steals everyone else’s

no one bothers to reprimand her whenever their cat disappears and is found cuddled up next to chuu

because honestly if i was a cat that’s what i would do

her patronus is probably something like a pufferfish

which she thought was the best thing ever

because “it goes poof whenever i stop the spell!”

________________________

<jeon heejin>

A CHASER FOR GRYFFINDOR AND EVERYONE AND THEIR DOG IS WHIPPED FOR HOW WELL SHE PLAYS QUIDDITCH

acts like she struggles with school but is actually top of her class

spends a bunch of time with her professors because she loves talking to them

such a libra smh

brought a toad

was so embarrassed at first but is now shameless 

about the fact that yes, she does kiss her toad on the forehead before she leaves for school each morning

even if most of the time she keeps the toad in her pocket all day because she doesn’t want to leave it alone

________________________

<kim hyunjin>

head owl caretaker

spends all of her time with hagrid :(

there are multiple stains on the floor from when they’re drinking tea together and hyunjin does something that makes them both spit out their drinks in laughter

fang cleans it up though

the animals are her favorite thing

created a spell to remove fur/hair from her clothes because she gets bad allergies

steals whole loaves of bread from the kitchens

the cooks turn a blind eye

________________________

<park chaewon>

has eaten all the crackers in the kitchen in one go

no one was really mad (except for jiwon) because how could you be upset with her?

her crunchy voice is adorable, even if she’s lying and blaming it all on yeojin

does her own thing most of the time

one of those people who will memorize 1800 spells but tell no one

and then shows everything off at the perfect moment

loves watching quidditch

will go to the practices just to see people play, she’s that enamored

a HUGE fan of the chudley cannons

________________________

<choi yerim>

friends with all the hufflepuffs

stole their badgers one time because she wanted to test the theory of “hufflepuffs are good finders”

they would have found their pets

but were too scared to accuse choerry

even if they knew it was her

choerry felt bad and sneakily returned the truffle-hunters during the night

she heard chuu disgruntledly ranting to haseul about how rude it was to steal some poor defenseless badgers

she turned them invisible shortly after that for another prank

but gowon exposed her

yerim’s never forgiven her for it

________________________

<son hyejoo>

the sweetest slytherin you’ll ever meet

loves to sit in the common room and stare at the water in the lake

but always gets scared by people walking in

even though she’s used to it because it happens every 10 minutes 

but it’s still

ahh!

wanted to be on the quidditch team so bad when she was younger but now does not see the point she would much rather sit in the charms room and make up dumb spells with chuu

professor flitwick helps them

and always has cupcakes on handy

________________________

<im yeojin>

the mind of a slytherin and is the head prankster

no one suspects her because she looks and acts to sweet to do anything

but despite their “fair play” thing going on

hufflepuffs are the best jokers you’ll find

yeojin has started a pranking service

makes a bunch of money off it

enough to buy all 11 of her besties bags of candy at hogsmeade

(along with getting herself one because she deserves it)

oh!

and some for hufflepuff’s badgers too!

________________________

<yoo jimin>

i put her in gryffindor at first because aries

but she really has the personality of a ravenclaw :)

and she definitely brought an eagle/hawk to school

convinced everyone it was an owl

i mean no one really thought it was an owl because it obviously was a different kind of bird

but 

how the heck do you take away someone’s bird and prevent it from going back to them?

and where do you put it?

that was karina’s plan

she knew no one could outsmart her

the riddle thingo at the entrance to the ravenclaw dorms was very proud of her

they’re friends

________________________

<uchinaga aeri>

the sorting hat spent five hours deciding on whether to put giselle in slytherin or hufflepuff

i’m exaggerating but you get the picture

because she values all of the things that the houses represent?!

but hufflepuff was still the best fit

loves to wander around the halls and staircases so she can discover the infinite amount of corridors and rooms inside hogwarts

she’ll never find them all

which is a little dissatisfying

but it’s still fun!

and ningning accompanies her a lot of the time, which can be incredibly distracting because neither of them end up going the direction they want to because they see something cool and go !!??

________________________

<kim minjeong>

a chaser for gryffindor

although no one knows about it? 

winter just never mentions it so whenever she plays there’s an uproar because that’s minjeong out there!

she loves the compliments from the outcome/ending of her accomplishments rather than the encouragement along the way

an ace at sneaking around the school

has gotten into all of the houses’ dorms 

no one found out

although the fat friar did see her and lecture her on privacy

she sort of listened

by which i mean she stayed out of the hufflepuff dorms and instead wen to the ravenclaw ones

________________________

<ning yizhuo>

the pride of hufflepuff for her quidditch skills

she’s so good at it

no one really expected this from her, but her determination blasted away any competition

and the team needs her badly 

for her quidditch skills

and her constant encouragement and cheering

giselle ended up giving her a microphone to wear during games so the whole school could hear how amazing and sweet the hufflepuff house is

smiles at everyone she walks past and the entire population of hogwarts knows her name

________________________

<kim chungha>

mcgonagall’s favorite

a role model for everyone, chungha has a posse of first years surrounding her at all times

her becoming head of house was no surprise, everyone expected her to and no one was jealous or envied her position since she did such a good job of leading gryffindor

used to be on the quidditch team as a blugder

which no one expected from sweet chungha

she was average, not a prodigy but not bad either

ended up quitting in sixth year to focus more on her studies, namely charms

________________________

<jeon somi>

in about 18 clubs

started 15 of them

for some reason she just loves the thrill of being part of a group more than others

and really enjoys having people around her

excellent at charms! it’s her best subject and professor flitwick uses her as an example all the time

she loves it

probably had to give her animal away to someone else (big sad) because she’s so busy

it was hyunjin who took it

now they’re really good friends and somi can see her cat whenever she wants to

________________________ 

#<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 #hogwarts au #electra #maia #merope #twice #blackpink #itzy #everglow #loona #izone #somi #chungha #twice imagines #twice reactions #itzy imagines #itzy reactions #everglow reactions #everglow imagines #loona imagines #loona reactions #blackpink reactions #blackpink imagines #izone imagines #izone reactions #somi imagines #chungha imagines

[whump-town]

I need hotch whump. Dad rossi being a total dad and the team helping hotch through his deep seated emotional trauma. Just the team helping hotch be emotionally open and maybe some crying and him getting hugs n shit?? And if you can, at least 3k words cuz hes sad and needs to use his words

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

(Fair warning, I feel like I couldn’t get Hotch’s script right. He has a unique way that he speaks and I just feel like I missed that. I hope I didn’t drop the ball but I’ve been working on this non-stop so I’ve kinda passed a point in my ability to tell. Bonus, this fits really well for a fix-it for this post that I made that hurt everyone. You can find that post here)

Word count: 5,452

He can feel himself falling apart. His thoughts are more than often filled with deterioration and self-deprecating harm. He knows it’s getting worse but he excuses it. If he can rationalize his thoughts, condone them, and recognize them then there’s no need to ask for help.

Especially, when he doesn’t deserve it.

The breath is kicked from his lungs as he opens the file in front of him. He’d gotten the call from the Dallas police department that morning and fielded the consult to himself. Normally, this would be the type of case JJ would handle but as soon as he heard the victims were blonde’s in their thirties he couldn’t let the case go to her. Except, a very important factor had been left out.

They were all mothers.

He finds himself looking down at half a dozen women who all look too much like Haley. 

Panic bubbles in his chest and a trembling hand pushes the case away. It’s not enough. He stands to his feet, leaning heavily on his desk to stop his knees from caving from beneath him. He’s paper left too long in the sun, warping. His print is no longer legible. His glue peeling away.

On the floor of his office, a step away from his desk, he falls to his knees. His breath is caught in his throat-- his tie an ever-tightening noose that leaves his mouth dry and his voice stuck. Logically, he can recognize his own symptoms. It’s a panic attack. Triggered because he’s never worked through his feelings. Never got over Haley. His incompetence. 

His failure. 

His brain can recognize that the pain in his chest shouldn’t kill him. His mind still draws the parallel to his own father. A chronic alcoholic who died in his office of a heart attack. An abuser. An asshole. 

What was that the team had said about him?

JJ had called him a bully.

Reid said he was a narcissist.

The hurt in Emily’s eyes as she deduced he doesn’t trust women as much as men.

Morgan said he’s a drill sergeant. 

So… maybe Hotch didn’t hit Jack. He’s never laid a hand on his son so he’s different from his father in that sole regard. He’s not a good father though. He’s not a good boss.

His team must loathe him.

Which means he’s not all that different from his father.

What does that leave? What does that make him besides a suit and tie? A terrified, sweat-soaked coward on an office floor. 

And there’s no wonder that he’s never made the time to work through his problems. Who is to talk to? Haley had known of his father. Enough to leave that subject alone. Even when he sat bolt upright in their bed, lost to his youth spent outrunning the hands of his father. She’d comforted him enough to get him back to sleep, holding him to her chest but never inquiring. Never pushing. 

The others have their own problems. Dave is a father without a son. Reid has a mother who’s taken care of for the better part of his whole life. Prentiss wants a child, a family so badly but she continues to have that torn from her grasp. JJ feels like she’s failed, Henry. Garcia is plagued by the images she sees daily. Morgan feels torn between his loyalty to this team and doing better for himself. 

So when should he fit in that time for himself? When does he silence them to talk about himself?

His phone vibrates on his desk. It’s a low, hollow sound but it snaps him to attention. The kind of sound that he could not ignore any more than a cry of pain from Jack. A case, more than likely. Maybe even an email from the Director or Strauss requesting his presence. 

His knees cave beneath him, a frustrated grunt leaving his mouth. He takes his fist and beats it into the carpet, hoping the pain that spikes up his arm will ground him. The world spins but he manages to stagger to his feet. Even if that means nearly losing his footing as the world dips suddenly. Curling that arm, pulling it protectively to his core, he manages to cross the room.

Except, there is no call to duty.

He’s greeted by a picture and an unknown number. 

It’s a newborn baby in the lap of someone but the important detail is the hospital bracelet on picture taker’s wrist and the distinct newness of the baby. The sight invokes a pang in his chest, reminding him of when Jack was that small. A youth blind to injustice and death. Before Hotch had gone and messed it all up.

A moment later, his phone goes off again. A single line of text but he knows immediately what it means.

“Learning how to smile again... I hope you are too.”

Elle.

He's not sure if he’s meant to respond so he doesn’t. It does spark a certain flame in his lungs-- he wouldn’t call it a breath of life but for once the inhale his raged lungs pull in doesn’t hurt. He falls into his desk chair, cradling his phone in his hand.

“You know,” JJ’s voice breaks through the silence of his office. She steps into the room with that blatant disregard that most of the team has. A mutual understanding that he’s given them-- as long as his door isn’t shut, they’re free to come in. 

As far as he sees, that openness is well understood by JJ, Morgan, and Garcia. He suspects their understanding comes from a creative source. A kind that Prentiss and Reid have taken their time in understanding.

He sees the way the two of them hesitate before knocking and announcing themselves. For what, he might ask if he did not already know the answer. The answer is on the tip of his tongue each morning as he shaves his face. It’s his last thought as he drifts off.

You don’t trust women as much as men.

“You’ve ruined me for all future employers.” JJ continues. Unaware of the fact that her audience is a bit lost.

I choose Aaron Hotchner. He’s a classic narcissist. He thinks he’s better than everyone else on the team.

JJ moves closer, her arms falling from their defensive place across her chest. She smiles, her eyes dancing between his. There’s a flash there, of what she’s uncertain but as soon as it’s there it’s gone. She sees the bone-tired, ragged look of his large frame and she wonders when the last time he got a good night’s sleep was.

“You--” Hotch’s eyebrow’s knit together as he stutters to put together what she’s said. “I--I ruined you?” His brain is still reeling from the panic attack. He’s too exhausted to put together whatever trivial meaning her words are meant to have.

JJ chuckles lightly, perhaps she should have opened that better. “You didn’t ruin me, literally,” she explains with a smile. Honest, she loves him like a brother but he can be as thick as mud sometimes. For someone who’s entire job revolves around understanding people, Hotch often misses the point. 

Not that she minds explaining that to him. 

“I mean,” she says, sitting herself down in one of the chairs in front of his desk. She pulls her legs underneath herself, not afraid to take the time to get comfortable. “You’re too kind. You give so much to this team that if you ever leave I’m not sure how any of us will function without you.”

He blanches. This seems out of left field to him. 

She smiles at his reaction, reaching across his desk to squeeze his hand. “Hotch,” she reminds him softly, “yesterday you brought me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You made it for me because you knew I hadn’t taken a break.”

He can hardly understand how making someone a peanut butter and jelly sandwich constitutes a pat on the back. He does it all the time for Jack. When he was making JJ one yesterday he’d ended up making one for Reid and Prentiss as well. The two of them poking and badgering him until he’d relented. 

“Bosses don’t do that,” JJ assures him. “Not normal ones anyway.” Sensing that he’s not really putting this together, she rises from her chair. Stepping into his personal space she can see just how awful he looks. With all the tenderness she can manage, she presses a kiss to his cheek. Encircling his shoulders in her arms, she realizes that he’s trembling. “I love and appreciate you and I’m just… None of them tell you how much you mean to us. I just want to make sure you remember that.”

It takes him a moment but he hugs her back. Where his body is stiff with tension, she’s warm and soft. He breaks for just a moment, allowing her words to warm his chest before resigning himself back to his darkness. To his self-hatred. 

JJ gives his back a quick rub before pulling away. “You need to take a nap,” she informs him. “You look like shit.”

He smiles, mustering up all his energy into convincing her that he’s not on the knife’s edge of falling over into darkness. “I’m fine,” he assures her. Besides, he motions to the file on his desk. “I’ll get some coffee and finish this consult. Then I’ll go home.” 

She looks at the file in question and decides to save him the trouble. She picks it up despite his anxiety-filled voice calling her name out. What she finds shocks her but not for the reason he’d thought. These women do look like her but their resemblance to Haley is… “Oh, Hotch…”

He can’t look at her. “They…” he clears his throat. “I didn’t want you to see it because I knew they were blonde and that kind of stuff really gets to you but--” He’s said too much. He’s admitting that he knows they look like Hailey. Maybe even that it bothered him as much as it’s bothering her.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about,” JJ whispers, her emotions getting the best of her. Of course, he looks like shit. He’d done something kind to spare her and ended up looking at dead mutilated women who look too much like Haley. “You’re too kind for your own good.” She tucks the file to her chest, where she knows he won’t make a quick grab for it. 

“JJ…”

She shakes her head. “Go home. Go get coffee. Take a nap. I don’t care what you do but you are not getting this file back because I promise that whatever seeing these women will do to me is going to be less damaging than seeing them is to you.” She doesn’t spare him a second more before leaving his office. Leaving him to do what he pleases just not allowing that file to be one of them. 

She turns in the doorway to his office, offering him a smile. “By the looks of you, I’d recommend taking that nap.” 

He doesn’t but her words stick with him for days. 

I love and appreciate you. It’s most unlike the voice in his head reminding him that he’s a bully. A narcissist. 

When he goes to bed, arms wrapped around his chest and tears threatening to spill down his face… he thinks about those four simple words. His cheek stings where she’d kissed him and for a moment his chest burns again with an unfamiliar light. 

He remembers these words over and over. 

He starts to believe them but that doesn’t mean he changes. 

Then a case sends him home. His hometown is hardly an hour away from Quantico. Standing in front of the team, his hands buried in his pockets to hide the way they tremble, he tells them they won’t need the jet or the GPS. He knows where they’re going. 

He knows it too well.

Prentiss doesn’t start second-guessing her boss until he pulls off the main road. Reid will testify, he second-guessed Hotch the minute the man told them he didn’t need a map and turned the GPS off. Neither says anything but Hotch is still aware of the weight of their silence. He doesn’t feel comfortable offering them the reassurance that he knows where he’s going so he chooses to say nothing. The whole car opts to not comment on how it is that he knows where he’s going.

“Detective Carter!” Garcia is the first person out of the second car jammed packed with the other members of the team.

In the second car, there was a lot of aired criticism. Ninety-eight percent of which came from Morgan but upon pulling into the station, thirty minutes before the GPS estimated arrival time, he can’t complain. It does leave him curious. It’s not often they drive to crime scenes from Quantico but they never stray from the GPS. 

“I’m Penelope,” she explains to the older man. It’s clear the detective is taken aback by the sight of Garcia but the old man just smiles and takes her hand. Kindly he smiles and Garcia only beams that much more. “These are the agents I told you about.” She turns back to the others, lined up like a kindergarten class rather than a ragtag group of highly trained professionals. “JJ, Dr. Reid, SSAs Prentiss, Rossi, Morgan, and our prestigious and very handsome leader-”

“Aaron?”

Prentiss had noticed Hotch’s hesitation the moment he put the car in park. He masterfully hid anything that might have given her a why but she’d still seen his stress become gradually more apartment as he got closer to the precinct.

“Jesus,” the detective shakes his head. He doesn’t give Hotch the opportunity to step away or even get a word out. The mood shifts as Hotch can’t hide the way he flinches as the man pulls him into a hug. “You were fifty pounds soaking wet the last time I saw you,” the detective admits.

Hotch can’t look at the detective and he can’t look at his team. 

Mercifully, Prentiss calls out to the older man. “I hate to push here,” she lies, “I would like to get working as soon as possible. I’m not sure how many more dead girls I can stand to see.” There are a few mumbled responses from the team, all agreeing with Prentiss. 

Hotch doesn’t notice. He stands in the spot the detective left him in. Eyes on the gravel, he’s struggling but he pushes it down. He has a job and the job has always come before physical comfort. 

He hangs his head and he gets through the day knowing that he’ll be allotted his personal time in a hotel room soon enough. He can break down there.

And he does. 

And then he has a nightmare that wakes up the entire team. 

He’s shaking so badly when he finally opens his door that he can’t even play it off. They know. 

“Let it out son,” Rossi whispers, holding Hotch tight to his chest. “It’s alright, it’s okay.” He rubs his hand down Hotch’s back. Something in his chest locking tight and stiff at the way Hotch melts, unable to even stand. Dave has always known, in one way or another, that Hotch’s childhood was a litany of things done wrong.

He’d seen the kid’s back, the crisscrossing pattern he’d only ever seen on dead people. Scars. Someone had hit Hotch so hard as a child to leave marks on his body into adulthood. If Dave had to guess, he’d say a belt. Given Hotch’s soft accent and tendencies, Dave knows he’d probably be right. Belts are loved by Southerners. 

Beat the sin out of your children. 

See if they ever come home. 

Rossi looks at Hotch, the man struggling to pull himself back together. Sometimes they do come home and that’s worse.

“This place,” Hotch whispers, eyes falling to the carpet. “This town is…” His eyes move to the window on the adjacent wall. If the sun were up, he would be able to see the house he spent his youth in. The drive-way where his father bounced his head off the gravel for dropping a can of green beans. The window by the main door that his father broke smacking his mother against it. “It’s an awful place and I-- I will be glad when we’re able to leave it.” 

Reid, of all people, is the first person to offer a condolence, a way out. He clears his throat, anxiously moving from foot to foot. “You could go back home,” he offers. “It’s not a long drive, you would be back with Jack before the sun even comes up.” Seeing that his idea isn’t being torn down but rather the others seem to agree this is actually a perfectly good solution, he continues. “You could work from the office with Garcia. We’ve all done it. I certainly wouldn’t think differently of you if you went home.” 

Reid sucks his bottom lip between his teeth, stepping forward and sitting on the edge of Hotch’s bed. “This town gives me the heebie-jeebies, anyway.” His small shiver lightens something in Hotch’s chest because not even Hotch can twist the genius’s actions. Reid is being sincere and Hotch hasn’t messed up. They don’t hate him. They don’t think he’s weak. 

“It does, doesn’t it?” Dave speaks up, shaking his head. “I feel it creeping into my bones.”

There seems to be a unanimous decision made in that immediate moment that no one’s going to push him. They’re not frustrated about being woken up in the middle of the night by his terrified screams. No one is going to force him to tell them about the detective. 

They solve the case and rescue the last girl from the clutches of their UNSUB. This time, Detective Carter does his job. He doesn’t send an obviously beaten and abused boy back home to his father. 

They save the girl the way no one ever saved Hotch but he doesn’t consider himself irreparable anymore.

He closes his eyes and remembers what it felt like when Dave held him.

Son.

I love and appreciate you.

I wouldn’t think differently of you.

He starts to feel loved and he’s so broken-- there’s something in his mind that just equates their affection for a need for him to be better-- he decides he has to prove he’s worth it. 

JJ has formed a habit of squeezing his elbow when she passes him. 

Rossi pulls him into one-armed hugs.

Reid brings him a coffee and smiles shyly when they pass one another in the halls.

But he can’t do anything right.

“Prentiss!” 

He doesn’t clear the second room properly as they raid a house and all he can do is put himself between her and the danger. There’s only a split second to think about it. She’s a head shorter than him. So the shot that would take her head off hits him center mass. 

There’s a sickening crack that rings through the room as he hits the wall behind them. His head bouncing off the wall. He doesn’t hear her cry his name out.

Prentiss’s hands shake but her own shot hits its mark. The UNSUB falls limply to the ground just as Hotch had. Despite every fiber of her wanting to double back and make sure Hotch isn’t dead, she moves forward. She can see her bullet embedded in the opposing wall. The hole in the UNSUB’s head is visible proof but she can’t walk away from him until she finds no pulse and moves his gun away.

“Agent down,” she calls shakily. Her knees almost give out from beneath her when she turns to see him. 

All six feet of her boss is crumpled into a limp pile. His neck is bent, chin resting against his sternum. She can’t tell if he’s even breathing, the vest strapped to his chest swallows any movement that might or might not be there. “Hotch?” She calls, hoping that he'll stir. That he’ll make a noise or something.

She sees blood.

“Hotch is down,” she cries over the radio. “Hotch is down and we need medics.” She pulls at his tie, swallowing down her own need to cry. To sob as her friend’s blood covers her skin. “It’s a--a-” she pulls the tie around his neck free and the blood starts to flow twice as fast. “Fuck,” she places her hand over the wound. Her hot tears stinging her eyes. “It’s a neck wound.”

A death sentence. 

She can feel his pulse against her palm. Each beat a little fainter than the last.

“Don’t you die,” she rasps. Her emotions are bubbling to the surface as her panic and adrenaline get worse. “Come on you stubborn bastard,” but her insults are laced with worry. “Hotch,” she pats his pale cheek. Attempting and failing to rouse him. On his cheek, her hand is left perfectly preserved by his crimson blood. 

“Agent,” the medics come in. Someone puts a hand on her shoulder but she can’t pull away. She can’t let him bleed out. “Agent we’ve got it.” 

I love and appreciate you.

Those words are the last thing Hotch thinks before his head hits the wall. He just has to hope she meant it. 

“Hey.”

She has to wait days to wring him out. To give him a proper piece of her mind. They are supposed to be passed this. They did pass this a long time ago. Time and time again he’s proven that he does trust her. After Foyet, they’d become the semblance of friends. She considers him family. 

Instead of offering him the immediate bitchfest he’s more than deserved, she offers him a passing-- “Hey, yourself.” Seeing him awake settles her but she has to be mad with him. She is mad with him. Even if she wants to hug him. He is her friend and she values him. It hurts to see him in pain.

After a moment, she looks up from the book she’s reading. Paying him just enough attention that she notices how uneasy he is. It makes her question her chosen silent treatment. It’s clearly not helping and the last thing she wants is to stress him out more. So she reaches between them and takes his hand. “You’re life isn’t less important than mine.” 

Her words take him by surprise. She can see the words make their impact. His brows furrow in confusion but he doesn’t say anything. Not for a long moment. He’s stalling. “I didn’t say that,” is what he settles on. 

She looks up at him and she’s disappointed. They’re profilers and he settles on deflection. She can’t say she’s surprised, he always chooses deflection. She’s just as stubborn as him though and she’s not afraid to push a little. “Your actions did.”

“Prentiss, I couldn’t--”

She lets go of his hand. For a moment, her anger gets the better of her. He gets the message and stops talking but the damage has been done. Of course, he’s not going to say that his life has less value than hers. He’s not stupid. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t think it.

“We’re partners, right?” She sits forward in the chair. “You trust me?” She already knows the answers. She knows everything he’s going to do. 

Hie scowls and he opens his mouth before he shuts it. He shakes his head as he says, “of course.”

She reaches back out to him, taking his hand again. His fingers are cold, his body still not fully recovered from the blood transfusions he needed. She needs something like this to never occur again. “Then it’s your job,” she tells him. “To cover my ass when I mess up and it’s my job to cover yours.” 

He doesn’t look at her. He can’t. He could have gotten her killed. Can’t she understand that? She should be furious at him for putting her life at risk. Not trying to go over protocol. He understands, though, that she’s trying to make a point so he nods his understanding. 

“I trust you with my life,” she whispers, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “Why don’t you trust yourself with it?”

She’s right of course. If there was time for him to step in the way, there was time for her to move out of the way. A thousand things could have happened and, in the end, his actions weren’t warranted. This hits his chest in a tight, painful bundle. He has to look away from her. Clenching his teeth against the tears threatening to sting his eyes.

“Hotch, you gave me a family.” She squeezes his fingers, feeling her own emotions bubbling right back to the surface. It’s out of character, she can recognize that but something happened in that house during the raid. Something she never wants to happen again. “You are a part of my family, whether you like that or not.”

He turns to look at her, his mouth unable to tell her that he knows and he does like it but that’s okay. They’ve always been able to understand passing glancing. He offers her a lopsided, forced smile when she rubs her thumb over his rough hands. 

“I love you,” she says with a roll of her eyes because she’s Emily Prentiss and she can’t take herself seriously for too long. She stands from the chair at his side and knocks the back of her hand against his shoulder. “And,” she adds, “don’t take any bullets to the neck for me, alright? I’m starting to feel like I owe you.”

He nods his understanding, still not trusting his voice.

Just as JJ did, she presses a kiss to his cheek. 

Prentiss feels pretty safe at that moment. He’s high as balls and she doubts he’s capable of anything more than a grumbled complaint. 

He’s full of grumbled complaints but this time he doesn’t offer her one. 

He doesn’t spare Morgan the same courtesy. 

“Hotch,” Morgan manages, taking a deep breath to stop himself from losing his cool. “I love you, man. You know I do but if you don’t stand still--” Honest, Morgan’s seen Henry and Jack behave better. The soft corrector does the job though and Hotch lets Morgan shoulder some of his weight. Leaning into Morgan as they walk.

He knows he asked Hotch to lean into him. He said it would be okay but to feel the way Hotch trusts him, the way he stiffens in pain instead of masking it… Morgan has to clear his throat. “Hotch?”

Hotch is limping the whole way. Getting shot in the neck sucks but hitting a wall and breaking ribs isn’t any better. Through gritted teeth, he replies, “yes.”

“Don’t scare us like that again, alright?” Morgan keeps the pace going, forcing Hotch to keep moving even when he pauses as Morgan’s words take him by surprise. Morgan’s on a roll, though, and he’s got to get it off his chest. He can’t let Hotch think that Morgan wants this. “I can’t… This team…” it’s harder than he wants to admit. “I’m not ready to lead this team. I don’t… I don’t want to, man.”

Hotch remains silent. He’s not sure what he’s supposed to say but he’s exhausted and he’s not sure he’s got it in him to tell Morgan that won’t happen. It might. 

“We left you the couch,” Morgan changes the subject. He steers Hotch through the opening of the jet, forcing him in the direction of the couch. As soon as Hotch is seated, Morgan excuses himself. He ducks away, taking his own seat and putting his music on. 

A proper distraction from the emotions burning his throat.

David Rossi knew the moment he met Aaron Hotchner that he would take the world by storm. Through the years, Rossi watched that rip him apart. Being unyielding and selfless is good in measure but too often Rossi found himself holding the younger man together. His hands interlaced over a bullet wound, holding him upright as his lungs rebel from smoke inhalation, and, on more than one occasion, watching him push himself past the point of no return.

David Rossi also knew Aaron Hotchner was going to be a problem child. Unlike the other interns, Hotch was married, had gone to law school, and had a successful career. A state attorney turned federal agent… Rossi was initially skeptical. He got a wise-crack, no-nonsense, hot-headed nerd dressed in mediocre suits but, Rosis had to hand it to him, the kid had spunk. So Rossi put in the time. 

He trained a prodigy and he watched that prodigy fail and break. 

But Hotch never quit.

Not after Gideon and the bomb that killed nearly their whole team. 

The Fisher King and Elle Greenaway.

Tobias Hankle.

New York and Kate Joyner.

Strauss.

Foyet… 

On the jet’s couch, some twenty-- hell, maybe thirty-- years after their initial meeting David Rossi is gently combing his fingers through that bull-headed new kid’s hair. His thoughts are actively drifting away. Back to times when he was the Unit Chief and Hotch was a lanky kid. Prone to accidents of spilled coffee stains on crisp white dress shirts and knocking files off his desk with his elbows. Dave and Jason had an ongoing joke that the poor kid should have come with a warning label sewed into the ass of his suits. 

He cracks an eye open, aware of a shifting presence. Emily. He offers her a small smile, “anything I can help you with, bella?” His voice is deep, bothered with exhaustion, and tinged with an unsettled sadness. 

But that’s all part of the job.

They get the bad guys and stop them from hurting people. Only, sometimes they become the hurt-- the victims. 

Hotch just added his name to another serial killer’s list of victims. His name is starting to appear a lot these days. 

Prentiss shakes her head. She’d been sitting on the other side of the jet and for a moment it occurred to her that from her vantage point she couldn’t tell if Hotch was breathing or not. Panic struck her center mass and she’d risen to her feet, clearing half the jet to get to him. To be close enough to see his chest is rising. To see if he's still breathing.

“I thought he wasn’t breathing,” she tells Rossi. “I just… it freaked me out.”

Rossi nods his understanding and shakes his head sympathetically, but not for Emily. 

He’s not sure what Garcia has planned but he’d put money down on the fact that Hotch isn’t ready for it.

Hotch is not even through the glass doors at BAU when the sound of heels prefaces Penelope Garcia shouting down the hall. He takes a step back, glancing at the others in confusion as they chuckle. Like they know what’s about to happen. He moves back to the hall, nodding his head at a rapidly approaching Garcia. 

“Sir!”

He raises an eyebrow, “Garcia.”

She comes to a stuttering halt, taking a deep breath as she steadies herself. 

Something about it, he can’t explain it, strikes him as humorous. He shakes his head and smiles. Next thing he knows she’s thrown her arms around him. Hotch raises an eyebrow, his confusion not muffling the smile still spread across his face. “Whatever was that for?” He wouldn’t lie by stating the feelings he has at this moment are anything other than happily surprised. 

Garcia’s smile is a twisted happy smile laced with sadness being overtaken. “You stopped smiling for so long, I-- It just made me so happy to see you happy.”

And he realizes she’s right. 

He hasn’t smiled in a long time but… slowly, his team has wormed their way into breaking that. 

Son.

I love and appreciate you.

I wouldn’t think differently of you.

You’re a part of my family. 

I love you, man.

"Please, " Garcia says softly. "Don't ever do that again, okay? You scared me--" she sucks in a breath and it sounds so much like an approaching sob that he reaches out and pulls her back into a hug. 

"I'll be more careful, " he promises. "No more close calls." 

She squeezes him gently, aware of his ribs. "Good, " she whispers, "because I'm tired of losing people I love."

And he remembers that next time he sinks. He reminds himself constantly. 

Aaron Hotchner is loved. He has a family to come home to. They need him. 

And he doesn't always have to be the strong one.

[tatyana-dreaming]

Eugene Onegin: Finale Analysis

*apologies in advance for a LONG POST! any TYPOS! and also that the Russian has been latinized (is that what we say?)*

I have often read opinions and observations about the finale of Eugene Onegin along the lines of “there’s no new theme;” it’s “not as intense as the Letter scene;” it’s “anticlimactic...” etc. (those last two comments are found in Eugene Onegin: The Opera Lively Guide by Luiz Gazzola).

Clearly, these are just opinions and I’m not here to disprove anything... but I am here to retaliate with a whole lot of love for this particular 14 minutes of music so buckle up :) I’m going to try to mainly be objective here and just offer my observations/analysis. Maybe you’ll find some newfound appreciation along the way...and please pitch in if you have your own comments or have noticed things I haven’t necessarily picked up on!

Before we start, you may want to pull a recording of the finale (this one is my favorite of course), and potentially your favorite CD/recording of Eugene Onegin, if you want to listen along and compare. If I had more time and skills I would have done this for you in a video or added trimmed audio bits throughout this post but alas. Maybe one day! For now, enjoy these screencaps from the 2007 Carsen production at the Met with Fleming and Hvorostovsky.

1. Gazzola points this out in his book - and thank goodness, because I’m not sure I would have made the connection myself. The final scene opens with a motif that is more or less a repetition of Gremin’s theme (in rhythm, at the very least), “Lyubvi Vsye Rozrasti Pokorni/Love conquers all ages,’” foreshadowing Tatyana’s decision/steadfastness to the mature, stable love or contement, or whatever we want to call this - we can have an analysis of ‘love’ in Eugene Onegin in another post! Already I’m thinking back to the opening of the opera when Larina and Filipyevna sing in unison “Privichka svishe name dana, zamyena shchastiyu ona / Habit is sent us from above in place of happiness.” Tatyana’s mother used to read and dream like Tayana herself and was even in love, but eventually had to marry someone else and “became resigned and settled down.”

And as @lizlensky​ recently reminded me, of course Filipyevna did not get to marry for love either, not that Tatyana was really listening to her story. In fact, maybe I’m looking far into deeply, but it seems to me the strings underneath this “Gremin motif” at the opening of the finale and also when Tatyana eventually sings to that tune “Onegin, ya togda molozhe/Onegin, I was younger then”  are also mimicking the strings underneath Filipyevna when she sings the morning after the Letter Scene, explaining how her mind is getting older and reflecting upon her youth (I’m generalizing a bit - Tatyana certainly isn’t complaining about having an old brain but she is thinking of the past). Make of that what you will! But it gave me chills.

2. Oh no, I’m already getting ahead of myself though. Before Onegin even comes on the scene, we also hear what some call the “Fate motif” but what I prefer to call the “Dream motif” (if it is fate, why does it follow Tatyana all over dreamy Act I but disappears except for this tiny reminiscence? But of course, up for discussion as it’s the prelude/introduction to the opera, and it comes back when Yevgeni does, haunting her like a ghost, which I suppose is fate-y). Here it is again when Tatyana sings “Kak budto snova dyevochkoi ya stala/It’s as if I’m a young girl again” - which is then followed by what I might personally call the fate theme, since it foreshadows the anguish Tatyana will face when she is rejected in Act I, and before she rejects Onegin in Act III.

This is where I wish I had an audio clip but I think you know what I mean; it’s the really dramatic climax that comes right when Tatyana enters the stage in Scene 3 of Act III (before “Zdyez on, zdyes on, Yevgeni!”) and right before Onegin comes onstage in Act III, Scene 2. Or ha, maybe this is just “Onegin’s Arrival Theme” since there’s a similar kind of orchestral panic before he arrives in Act I (though of course, not in Scene 1 of Act III since it is Tatyana who enters rather than Onegin who was in the room already, at least in the productions I’ve seen.)

3. Okay, so now Onegin’s here, what does he have to say for himself? We hear a bit of the Onegin aria theme -  “Mechtam i godom nyet vazvrata, nye obnovlyu dushi moyei/Dreams and years cannot return, I cannot renew my soul!” as he (in some versions) falls to Tatyana’s feet, exclaiming “O, szhaltes, szhaltes nado mnoyu!/ Have mercy on me!”  Clearly has some srs regerts. But also perhaps Tchaikovsky foreshadowing what is to come... not only that we shouldn’t expect Tatyana to act with any less honor (or prudence/reason) towards Onegin as he did towards her in Act I, and that indeed she sings “proshlogo nye vorotit/you cannot bring back the past.”  I know I’m grinding a lot out of this particular moment, but... would you expect anything less from me? Or (thinks of Petya) HIM? :)

4. As Tatyana reminds Onegin how he rejected her and begins to question why he is suddenly in love with her now, we get to revisit some of the music from the Letter Scene - at least in the orchestra. Tatyana’s line differs slightly than her original melody in the Letter Scene when she sings “Togda, nye pravda li pustine, vdali ot suyetnoi molvi/There in that backwater, far from vain society” - and just so, as it is far from its dreamy, romantic parallel in her letter - “Y v eto samoye mgnovyenye ne ti li, miloye vidyenye/And in that very moment, wasn’t it you, beloved vision [...who whispered to me words of hope].” I find this throwback incredibly clever and gutwrenching, as I believe it’s clearly a bitter and ironic jab at the hope that Onegin crushed, even honorably as he did, and now the two of them have changed positions. Whose dreamy hopes (which are... questionable at best at the moment) are getting schooled now? Cmon’ Onegin, “learn to control yourself....”

5. Let me take a moment to admit and agree with many analyses/critics (although Tchaikovsky knows what he is doing, convince me otherwise) that Onegin is pretty fragmented and lacks a coherent theme, and certainly has no original “love theme” of his own to offer Tatyana  - after all, Onegin as a character, especially in the book, is pretty hollow, someone who isn’t so much a “self’ as a person who knows how to go through the motions of life... He’s intelligent but not creative, full of potential but lacking any real direction. (Ohhh I am going to cry because that’s so sad but also so relatable, but crying is coming up next so I’ll hold off). The opposite of Lensky’s “poet spirit” that lives life romantically, and is in love with life itself, seeing the infinite everywhere rather than seeing life so pessmistically (with the mask of pragmatism/”maturity”) as Onegin does, a mask that keeps Onegin from truly engaging with life or his own sense of self.

So as Onegin sings, we hear that lack of originality, though I will pull a Valery Gergiev here and say one “cannot be impartial” to Onegin’s music here (*clutches chest - that’s Tchaikovsky, even though I think it’s clear Onegin is not his fav) - Onegin may not be original, but there is no less truth or heartfelt emotion in what comes through. Luckily, Tatyana knows that it’s still not a good choice... he’s still not very substantial, at best, and at worst truly is only infatuated with her because of her reputation. It would mean ruin for her either way so :( (read: Anna Karenina) (here are some sad Onegin pictures just for fun because it’s all been Tatyana mainly but also: sorry this is Tatyana’s big moment so)

6. Time for tears! Do you hear a familiar theme when Tatyana sings “Ya plachu/I’m weeping?” It’s Lensky’s aria theme making a comeback- what!??! And particularly, the same melody as these two phrases, when Lensky sings: “Shto dyen gradushchi mnye gotovit/What does this day hold for me?” and perhaps more salient to this moment: “Pridyosh li, dveya krasoti, slezu prolit nad rannei urmoi/ Will you come, maiden, to shed a tear over my untimely urn?” Ahhh, I see what you did there, Petya.

But wait, Onegin hates crying! This isn’t explicitly in the opera of course, but Onegin in the novel all but tells Tatyana that her tears (as he rejects her) only vex him - another reason marriage would be a torment for them (not a bad reason and look, we always respected his honesty, right?). But now? I think it’s a crucial moment; it shows there has indeed been some development on Onegin’s part and uh oh, he’s actually in love (ironically in a very Lensky - that is, poetic - way)  even if it’s not for the best of reasons.

7. Fun (pain) pact: “Tak blizhko! [happiness was] so close!” is the only time Onegin and Tatyana sing together or are on the same page, so to say. Nice. (*cries*) The only other times people sing completely lined up together like this in this opera, choruses aside, are when:

Larina and Filipyevna sing “Privichka svishe name dana, zamyena shchastiyu ona /Habit is sent to us from above in place of happiness”  in the opening scene

Onegin and Lensky sing “Nye zasmeyatsa l nam, poka ne obagrilasa ruka, ne razoitis li polyubovno? Nyet... /Shouldn’t we burst out laughing, rather than staining our hands with blood, shouldn’t we part as friends? No...”  before the duel

Moments of truth. And mostly pain. :) Again, please chime in if there are others, I’m sure I’ve missed something.

8. Time for Tatyana to refuse! This is where I completely disagree that there is “no new major theme” in the Finale; Tatyana’s “rejection theme” holds its own in my books. Interestingly, it’s in D-flat major, just like the main themes in her Letter Scene (”Puskai pogibnu ya/Let me perish,” and “Kto ti? Moi angel/ Who are you? my [guardian] angel..” aka the descending/Russian 6th theme). Tatyana is just as earnest/decided/resigned* (yes, all three of those adjectives) in her decision in the finale as in the Letter Scene, so maybe that has something to do with it. (I always remember her words in the Letter scene: “Uvi, nye v silakh ya vladyet svoyei dushoi!/Alas, I am unable to subdue my soul!” but just like Onegin learning to be endeared by tears - she has indeed learned to subdue her soul, or perhaps she has simply matured and her priorities have changed. (And of course, who lectured her to subdue her soul in the first place, even though he meant well? Yours truly!)

*resigned might seem an interesting way to describe the Letter Scene, but don’t forget “No, tak i bit! Sudbo moyu otnine ya tebye vruchayu/So be it. Henceforth my fate belongs to you....”  I tend to interpret that as Tatyana actually taking her fate into her own hands and deciding to go all in with her decision, despite the words that seem to make her position passive. In the finale, she is ‘resigned’ in a similarly active manner - this is not a passive resignation. But I still would use the term resigned, if only to draw the parallel between Tatyana and her mother....  “I became resigned and settled down.”  And so she has, even if she has to struggle to push Onegin away from the settled life she has, loving him all the same.

And in comes some of my favorite music of all time - Onegin’s desperate, even malicious pleas and a good dose of mansplaining how Tatyana “can’t” abandon him, quoting back her letter. Extra ouch, because do you remember in Tatyana’s letter when she tells Onegin if he has any pity, “vi nye ostavite menya/you won’t abandon me.” And what does she have to beg him to do over and over until she finally runs offstage? “Ostav menya!/Leave me!” heheheheh *laugh-cries*  everything is fine.

9. And we’ve nearly reached the very end. Almost a year into listening to this particular piece of music and I only recently realized what was going on - yeah, I know. When things get really heated at the end and pain reaches a maximum, Tatyana sings “Gluboko v syerdsta pronikayet, yevo otchayanni priziv no, pil prestupni podaviv/His anguished cries penetrate my heart, but the fire of passion has been extinguished” (well, I’m still not quite sure on the ‘correct’ English translation but it doesn’t sound good for Yevgeni regardless...)

That melody in that last line calls us back to its twin sister at the end of Scene 1 in Act I when Onegin is talking about how bored he was with his uncle, waiting for him to die. So a) I hear this as Tatyana “ending things once and for all” (parallels between the death of Onegin’s uncle, and the death of their relationship), as well as possibly (again I read 10,000% too much into things) b) Tatyana realizing that Onegin’s words to her back in the garden were true - habit [routine] would kill their love; they would become bored (or at least he would). The passion would burn out.

Which brings us back to c) heaven sends us habit in place of happiness [=passion?]- which, OH, RIGHT, OF COURSE has the same rhythm of the aforementioned “boredom” theme and “the fire of passion has been extinguished.” But you all probably already realized that because oF COURSE.. that’s how the opera OPENS... and now how it is CLOSING... AHHHH!!!

I know I’m not original or anything for realizing that parallel, but yeah. I’m pretty happy about it.

Tchaikovsky is absolutely genius. Unbelievable. And paired with Pushkin? I’m not surprised I’ve clearly lost my mind over this masterpiece.

Anyways, this was an extremely long post but I hope you enjoyed it immensely, especially if you read this far!! Please chime in with your own comments! I LOVE THIS PIECE OF MUSIC!

#wow people are gonna hate me if they track any of these tags :) at least you can push the 'this post isn't for me' button #long post #eugene onegin #tchaikovsky #opera #that was 2000 words everyone thanks for reading and no offense if you didn't #writing tag i suppose #myedits: stills