#i am a relatively uninteresting person

[mintys-playarea]

RUGGIE B. W A DUNCE! PLAYING! LOVER!

You had no idea how you were able to get a man such as him to fall in love with you. He was clever, sweet, a great cook, and an absolute cutie... Ruggie was yours and you were his!

You had many flaws. You weren't very smart, you had tendencies to mess with people... The list could go on. Yet he still loved you.

It was a cool, autumn day. Warm colored leaves fell from trees, leaving the courtyard a blend of reds, browns and oranges. There were plenty students walking and talking happily along with one another, the smell of pumpkin spice wafting in the air. Though you were relatively uninterested before... A particular student has caught your eyes. It was none other than the Azul Ashengrotto walking around, promoting his most recent sale for the Mostro Lounge... This was the perfect opportunity.

The leaves crunched beneath your shoes as you tapped his leg, your icy cold hands sneaking up his pant leg and touching his warm calf. He shivered with a loud yelp, immediately turning around to find no one there. You were hiding behind a nearby tree. You weren't hidden well of course, but Azul couldn't see you. He shook his head, sighing and brushing it off as the wind. As he continued to promote the sale, you snuck up on him again. You tapped his leg the same way as before, except... You weren't fast enough this time. He kicked you and hoisted you up with stern eyes.

"Do you understand how disrespectful you are?!" Azul screeched. He clearly disliked getting his legs touched like that.

You sputtered trying to come up with an excuse, panicking as you see the Leech twins starting to come into view. You squirmed as Azul held still and started walking.

"Excuse me boys, but may you help hand out flyers for me as i return this rascal to their owner? They were very disrupting to me, we wouldn't want that happening with to another," Azul had a slight pout as he continued walking. He muttered something to himself quietly before going into the Savannaclaw mirror.

Leona sighed as he saw Azul waltz up to him. "And how am i responsible for the herbivore??" He said with a tired look.

"Well, aren't they always over here? I'd assume it's because they have something with you?" Azul responded, almost annoyed with the fact he had to speak with Leona.

"No... You'd have to find Ruggie. He's— Right here," Leona groaned before returning to his room.

"Oh, hey there Az! Whatcha doin' here? And why do ya got lovebug there?" Ruggie commented on you being carried by Azul like a critter he finds dirty.

"I found.. er.. Lovebug messing with me during my promotion for the new Mostro Lounge sale... So you're the one taking care of.. this thing?"

"Aye, they're person, you know! Not just a 'thing.' But yes, i am in charge of taking care of Lovebug."

"I'll just hand them over already... You should really keep a watch on them. They're probably going to cause a big problem if you dont." Azul shook his head before leaving Savannaclaw finally.

"So... Lovebug, what was that about?"

You pulled out a to-go box of fresh food. Food you stole from Azul. A goofy smile spread across your face.

"Ahh... I see! I've trained you well... You deserve a treat for that!" Ruggie smiled along with you, bringing you into the kitchen.

"I know ya may not be tha brightest sometimes, but you're a sneaky lil' thang fo'sho! Here, ya wanna help bake some cookies to go with that meal?"

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

TAGS!!: @cheezy-moon

A little note on how the tagging system works:

If I know you like a character and I end up writing for it, I'll tag you in it (⁠*⁠´⁠ω⁠｀⁠*⁠)

Also, I have no clue what to put for name replacements so... I'll just do pet names! :D also I wanted to keep this in second person, but I kept it gn when I had to use the pronouns (*⁠´⁠∀⁠｀*⁠)

I also forgot how the mirrors work (⁠•⁠ ⁠▽⁠ ⁠•⁠;⁠) and I gave ruggie a special way of talking! I like writing him speak like that :3

#disney twst #ruggie bucchi #twst ruggie #twisted wonderland ruggie #ruggie x reader #ruggie x yuu #Twst #twst wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #Ruggie bucchi fluff #The main course ♡ #savannaclaw #azul ashengrotto #azul twst #twisted wonderland azul #Tweels #octavinelle

[exigencelost]

To engage with the show mildly seriously on its own terms for a moment. So much of the whole louis claudia lestat interpersonal situation is defined by the backdrop of how weightless human lives are to them; how utterly entitled they feel to kill humans when it suits them, and i do unequivocally include louis in this. But it's clear that every time a vampire kills or really hurts another vampire that matters, that is violence, it might be weighed by different rules than humans assess violence but it is taken seriously. Lestat's assault on louis was violence. claudia and louis's murder attempt on lestat was violence. Louis says lestat was the only life he ever took that felt like murder. When claudia rips out the eyes of some feral revenant creature in the woods its mother howls in grief and rage and the camera dwells on her, concerned and disconcerted and eerily reverent, until she dies, and the memory of her visibly haunts louis and claudia both for years, whereas earlier that same episode the audience is invited to become quite attached to a human woman who the camera then cuts away from abruptly in the moment of her gruesome death and the story shows no intention of ever revisiting. And I saw a post a couple days ago that I've now lost track of that made the great point that Claudia fails to connect the cruelty vampires show her throughout the story and especially Lestat's cruelty and disregard for her to her own total disregard for the lives and experiences of her own victims; that she does not see those two things as connected; she says she is looking for a vampire that isn't a total bastard and part of what that means for her is a vampire who won't be cruel to her but will never judge or constrain her cruelty to mortals.

s02e03:

And when we meet the Paris coven it is eventually revealed that this distinction is formally enshrined in the laws of European vampires. They are not allowed to kill other vampires, with the single and crucial exception of the coven master, who, Armand would have us believe, is under a relatively immovable obligation to kill vampires as the circumstance demand, but who also apparently more broadly ''holds the power of life and death over all his flock.'' And we see Armand exercise this ''power over life and death'' repeatedly in this episode (s02e03), not just to kill vampires but to not kill vampires who he personally finds interesting, and who no one else is allowed to kill. I'm deeply uninterested in getting into the politics and psychology of capital punishment as articulated by this television show about lying and biting and having gay sex. What I am interested in is the fact that Armand has been a coven master for most of his life. It would be reasonable to infer that he is as accustomed to holding power over the life and death of vampires as the other vampires we see are to holding that power over humans. That maybe centuries of practice might leave Armand inclined to treat vampire lives as cheaply as human ones; that maybe the distinction between vampire and human is less essential to Armand than to the other vampire protagonists and deuteragonists in the story, and instead the distinction most relevant to him is that between himself and everyone else.

#iwtv

[symptoms-syndrome]

I really wish there were more comparative (?) examples of symptoms like dissociation, amnesia, lack of focus etc specifically because there's a misunderstanding that many of these symptoms are by their own merit seen as proof of a disorder, despite many of them being, to a lesser degree, part of many people's Normal Healthy Experience. It would be far more validating, personally, to see examples of normal levels of dissociation/forgetfulness/etc to compare to disordered levels than it is just to be told "well, normal people don't [x]" when they very much do, just not to the degree I do.

For example, it's normal to not remember every minute of a car ride, what exactly you had for lunch a week ago, or the name of someone you met for the first time recently. It's even normal, to a degree, to not remember chunks of childhood. It isn't normal to not remember your home address or your birthday or your mother's name. Similarly, it's relatively normal to daydream or "drift off" in a boring class or meeting, to a degree, but it isn't healthy to do it so often or so intensely that you can't focus at all on real life.

Not to mention, very rarely are symptoms indicators of one mental illness each. Being unable to focus can be a symptom of ADHD, dissociation, depression, or just being tired, dehydrated, or uninterested. People have talked about how mental illnesses are more than just a single symptom, but it's important to remember the inverse as well, symptoms are not in and of themselves mental illness.

I do understand why people make posts about [symptom] not being something "normal" or "healthy" people do, we all need to validate ourselves and our experiences, especially when they're dismissed, but I do worry about the expectation that this kind of thinking presents. It's incredibly unfair both to ourselves and our support systems. For ourselves, it sets up unrealistic expectations. "I will be healed and healthy when I can focus on any task," "I will be recovered when I remember every part of my life," and "I will be done with recovery when I no longer think about my trauma" are all things I've thought or said in therapy, and none of them are true or fair. It sets up this idea that I will be healthy, happy, healed, recovered, etc when I am perfect, but if I will never attain that perfection, that's setting me up to believe I will never recover. For others, it sets the idea that if someone is "healed," "healthy," or "neurotypical," that they CAN achieve these unrealistic expectations. If I am to believe that a person in my support system does not have a mental illness (because they've told me, or because they simply have not disclosed to me,) I might expect them to remember everything, always be able to focus on tasks, or never be in a depressed, irritable, or down.

#actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #actuallyadhd #adhd #braving my way into the tags again #this is the post I talked about posting a few days ago

[wiliowisp]

Take Care of Me ❦

Word Count ➻ 2.2k

Pairings ➻ Sebastian Sallow x masc!MC

Warnings ➻ NSFW 18+ ONLY

Tags ➻ third person POV, aged-up characters, Hogwarts seventh year, smut, sub!Sebastian, subspace, dick-sucking, back-blowing, and a whole lot of moaning

A/N ➻ i am the number one sub!Sebastian warrior. anyway, enjoy this filth before the angst in the new chapter of my longfic on sunday! (hopefully)

୧ send me prompts! i may write them! ୨

Summary:

Sebastian has been looking for something in his partners that they can't give him—until an old friend surprises him. Sebastian meets him in the restricted section, hoping to be taken care of.

Sebastian Sallow needed to be looked after. It’s not as tender as it sounds.

Since the age of thirteen, not a single morning had gone by where he hadn't woken up rigid and wanting. For a young man of his means, he’d satiated this desire. He’d managed to charm his way through many of the more outgoing ladies and gentlemen of Hogwarts. Purebloods were particularly inclined to him; due to the relative purity of his blood and his prowess with a wand. Not to mention the fact they were raised in the more progressive wizarding world.

This was where the issue with muggle-borns came into play. Muggle society was always so tight-lipped around sex and pleasure—which was ridiculous, Sebastian thought. Why would you withhold something as good as sex from yourself? The muggle-born ladies treated his flirting with doe-eyed faces and trembling hands like he might get on his knees any minute—not in the fun way. The men, however, would be nervous in an entirely other way. They were so skittish about being caught with another man, no matter how many queer couples walked their halls. When he pushed them against walls, his tongue finding its way into their mouth, they would push him off until they found somewhere ‘safe’. They hardly allowed him to flirt in class.

Until he did.

The new fifth year, as he was known. Although many years had passed since he was a fifth year, that was for certain. On the cusp of their graduation, the other boy had filled out—grown. He’d matured in a way that Sebastian had noticed, in fervid, desperate moments, when his eyes would lathe over the lines of his friend’s body, would imagine them rid of all clothes. Would imagine him under the other.

It began rather innocently. They had been friends for years and knew things about each other that they would never dare to tell anyone else. Sebastian knew that his friend had never taken any lovers while at Hogwarts. He chalked it up to the fact that the other was muggle-born and uninterested in courting without the purpose to marry; as was the custom. Regardless, Sebastian had an insatiable appetite and found endless fun in flirting with his friends. Ominis had borne the brunt of it for years, oftentimes they had been mistaken for a couple because Sebastian’s tongue reacted far too desirably in public. Their other friend, however, never returned any of Sebastian’s comments. He simply brushed over the words of his flirtatious Slytherin, changed the subject, chuckled and then moved on.

Until he didn’t.

“If those trousers hug your thighs any tighter, you may as well take them off,” Sebastian mewled.

His friend turned around and raised a brow. “Says the man in shirts so tight you may as well wear a corset.”

Sebastian baulked. The other boy smirked, his lips a wet promise.

“Then again, I think you’d look good in a corset,” he commented. Then he shrugged, turned around again, and left.

Sebastian’s cock went stiff startlingly fast. Which was new.

Therein lay the problem. He’d been yearning, desperate, for something ever since he was able to conceive of that want. But despite the number of lovers he’d taken over the years, he never felt full.

The ladies would whimper and moan into Sebastian’s mouth, their lips so pliant and easy to pry apart, to breach. His fingers would work circles into their cunt as they came apart in his hands. Afterwards, maybe they’d touch him, seal their mouth around his cock. But they remained mewling, doe-eyed things, wanting his approval. The men would bend over for him, present themselves as he pumped his pleasure into them, moaning for his assurance, his dominance. Sebastian needed something else.

He realised this when his best friend locked him in place with a simple comment about a corset. Words that sounded like a delicious promise.

I want to see you beneath me.

After that day, the flirting continued for weeks. Sly asides about Sebastian’s body, his sinful mouth, the threats that come wet and fervid off his friend’s tongue. Sebastian found himself brimming with a want that made him hungry. Each night spending up to an hour in the Slytherin showers, a hand pressed into his lips to stifle the whines and mewls that came from his throat. 

As simply as it started, like putting the needle on a disc and listening to the music, it crescendoed. The object of his desire placed a note on his desk one day. Small, folded. Inside it read:

"The Restricted Section. Twelve Chimes."

Heat curled in Sebastian’s stomach. He crossed his legs, hardening cock trapped between the thighs his friend had complimented so many times. He read the same sentence over and over again for the rest of the afternoon.

As the clock chimed in a succession of twelve, Sebastian wandered through the bookshelves of the Restricted Section, his shirt clammy with sweat. His mouth dry with a thirst and a hunger he knew so well. The air still, in anticipation. 

Hands were on his jaw and a mouth was on his mouth on their mouth on his. Sebastian’s back hit a shelf, arching. Hips against hips. Heat on heat. The other boy tilted Sebastian’s head, opening him with his lips until their tongues could taste each other. Everything reduced to the points they touched. Sebastian whined—whimpered—into the other’s mouth; his hips rolled into his friend’s rigid cock.

“Fuck, Sebastian—do you know what you do to me?” His voice was gravelly. Sebastian swallowed the sound.

His lips latched onto Sebastian’s neck. Sucking bruises. Sebastian was still grinding his hips, delicious friction sending fire up his nervous system. Arousal licked at his abdomen. He was aware he was moaning, keening, whining. Every sound from his mouth unbidden.

“I’ve been thinking about you every—aahn—day,” Sebastian stuttered. The other lifted up and ate the moan from his mouth.

His hand flew to Sebastian’s cock, stroking him through the fabric. Sebastian whined against his neck. His fingers grasped at the other’s scalp, clutching to his skin through the clothes. He was incorrigible. Salacious. His body was only an instrument, his friend’s hands bringing out the song.

Then they separated. Sebastian immediately went cold.

“On your knees,” His desire ordered.

His legs bent before his brain could protest. He dropped to the floor so obediently.

“So perfect,” his lover whispered, hand coming to stoke his jawline. Sebastian’s eyes wide. Fawn ears flapping at the attention. Doe legs tucked beneath him so prettily. “You okay with this?”

Sebastian blinked. Was he? What a stupid question.

He nodded. “I want this.”

“Okay.” The other boy started undoing the buckle on his belt. The sharp sound struck lightning through Sebastian’s skin. The thought made his mouth slick. His hands folded on his lap. His lover brought his cock from his briefs, his tight length wet at the tip. I did that to him. Sebastian opened his mouth. 

“Good boy.”

Merlin. This is it. This is it. This is what he’d been looking for.

His lover placed the head of his dick on his bottom lip. Sebastian leaned forward, taking it into his mouth. The other boy moaned, watching Sebastian with glassy, half-lidded eyes—blown with desire. Sebastian took him, letting the heat of his cock warm his mouth. Then, he started moving. Tentative movements, working on instinct, wanting it only deeper. Further. More. Sebastian relaxed his throat. Let the calm and the pleasure pulse through him like syrup. He sunk deeper on his length until his nose was nestled into his lover’s abdomen.

“Oh holy fuck.”

Then, the other started moving. He held Sebastian’s jaw in place, softly grinding his hips into Sebastian’s eager mouth. All cocky, flirtatious quips fucked into his throat. Sebastian moaned with each thrust, his voice raw and carnal—keening.

He was so painfully hard in his trousers, a warm dampness in his briefs but Sebastian only wanted one thing. To please. To be good. His mind was a euphoric blur, all worries, all fear, standing somewhere in the distance. Like an out-of-focus photograph. 

“You’re doing so well, pretty boy…” His friend's demeanour had shifted into a practised role. Sebastian’s puppy eyes shone up at him—lit up from the praise. Meanwhile, the other boy was sloppily grinning as he fucked his throat, red-faced and handsome. “Wanna be fucked, baby?”

Sebastian’s eyes fluttered shut with a moan.

“Yeah—yeah you do,” the other gasped.

He pulled his dick out of Sebastian’s mouth, a pearly string connecting them before breaking. Sebastian’s lips were glossy with spit and lust.

“On the table,” another order, Sebastian’s body attuned to the other like a dog on a leash. Sit. Good boy. Bend over. Good boy.

Sebastian bent over.

His hands were palming Sebastian’s ass, kneading the flesh. Another came in front, unbuttoning his trousers and pumping his cock through his briefs.

“Unnh—please,” Sebastian begged.

“The noises you make, Seb,” he growled, “fuckin’ beautiful.” He pulled Sebastian’s cock from his briefs, gently pumping him. “Look how wet you are, God.”

All Sebastian could do was whimper and shallowly thrust into his lover’s palm. His pleasure balled tight in his gut.

His lover released his dick, earning a cry, before he was pulling both their trousers down. His palm slid down to Sebastian’s hole, his fingers slick with something warm. He pushed in slowly, the stretch making Sebastian shiver. 

“Gotta prep you darlin’.”

A hand went back to Sebastian’s cock, stroking him, while fingers pumped in and out of his hole. His lover crooked them, bending upwards into a spot Sebastian had never been able to reach. Pleasure surged into his fingertips, guttural wails coming from his throat. He no longer cared if anyone found them. Let them watch.

Another finger joined his hole, as the other massaged Sebastian’s prostate; his dick leaked precum that dribbled onto the table. “Please, please, I need you inside—Aah!”

“Yes, okay, yes—fuck.” His lover’s pleasure sat on his tongue and made all the words sugar. “Seb, honey, the safe word is ‘Graphorn’, yes? You want to stop, you say it.”

Sebastian nodded.

“Say it back to me.”

Sebastian gulped. “Graphorn,” he gurgled.

“Good boy.”

Sebastian’s back arched, another pulse of precum leaving his slit and puddling onto the table. Something warm, heady, and wet pressed into his entrance. He heard his lover inhale shakily behind him. 

His dick entered him. Inch-by-inch.

Sebastian’s head thumped into the table, a whining sound erupting in his throat. It burned so good. Seconds stretched as Sebastian took his lover. The warmth thrummed through his bloodstream. Eventually, he felt the flesh of his stomach as the other bottomed out.

“You okay, baby?”

Sebastian panted. “Please—”

His lover pulled back and slammed into him. 

Everything zeroed down. His tip slammed into Sebastian’s prostate in a way that made his toes curl. He started a pace, slowly grinding into Sebastian’s ass while Sebastian moaned into the wood of the table; pushing back into the sensation. A hand snaked up to his chest, fingers running over a nipple. The sensitive bud reacted, jolts of pleasure radiating into his fingertips. 

His pace quickened. Wet slapping echoed through the library, clung between the books, the sound sticky music in Sebastian’s ears. Each pump punctuated by a depraved cry directly from Sebastian’s throat. His mouth open. Eyebrows pursed in rapture.

“God—need to be quiet, Seb.”

Fingers went into his mouth and that’s when it happened.

The pleasant buzz of fog that had overtaken his thoughts went white. Everything fell away. All Sebastian could feel, could think, was reduced to the points they touched. Any inhibitions remaining died against the fingers on his tongue. 

He felt himself come. A tidal wave of utter bliss, warming through his bloodstream. The ball in his stomach snapped open like burst fruit. Some moments later his lover came, too. A thick pump of honeyed ecstasy filled him. Warm. So warm. So peaceful.

Things were happening around him. His body was moved, gently, but Sebastian’s eyes were unfocused. His entire being relaxed. It felt like lying in a bed that smelt like your childhood home. Or being submerged in warm soapy water. His mind was a fog but he didn’t mind. Not when it was so warm.

Slowly, things came back into focus. The lens on his camera clicked as objects and time emerged in the fog. Hands stroked his hair. Anchored his shoulder.

“You back with me, Seb?”

Sebastian hummed.

“Here, baby, drink.”

A cup was placed into Sebastian’s hands. He sipped at it. His lover’s cloak was draped over his naked body. Its owner looked at him with gentle eyes and even gentler hands as he stroked Sebastian’s cheek.

“You feelin’ okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I think so,” Sebastian frowned, “Merlin, that was good. Weird, but also so good.”

The other boy chuckled. “Think I may have fucked your brain out. You’re not hurt?”

“No, I’m okay.”

His lover smiled. He was already dressed again. Cock stuffed into his trousers. He went to grab Sebastian’s clothes, offering them to him. “We can’t stay here—come back to my room?”

Sebastian didn’t usually get attached to his nighttime tirades. But he was still feeling marooned after leaving his brain behind. He wanted to be held. He wanted his hair stroked as gently as his friend had done. He wanted to be looked after.

He would be.

#willow writes #sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow x mc #sebastian sallow x reader #sebastian sallow x you #sebastian sallow fanfiction #sebastian sallow fic #sebastian sallow smut #hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy fanfiction #hogwarts legacy fanfic

[real-fire-emblem-takes]

i really hate the “x character isn’t well written” critique when it comes to FE games (celica haters i am glaring at you specifically). i personally feel like a lot of the franchise’s cast isn’t written spectacularly, and they’re main trait is that they’re written to further their game’s themes.

like in awakening, i don’t find chrom to be all that compelling on his own. but because his ideals align with the game’s core theme (strength of bonds) it makes it more fun to see his ideals develop along with the core message the game is building. he’s relatively bland as far as FE lords go, but i definitely don’t find him wholly uninteresting because he’s a fun character within the context of his narrative.

obviously there are some very well written characters that genuinely shock me with how thought out their personalities and stories are, but a fair majority of the cast is either canon fodder or are like chrom in the case mentioned above. FE games are very rarely going to blow it out of the water character writing-wise.

(i do however find it really interesting how this criticism (from what i’ve seen) is mainly applied to a lot of the woman cast who don’t have the personality of a wet piece of cardboard and who aren’t the perfect example of morality. (celica, edelgard, rhea, etc)

.

#fe #fire emblem #fandom takes

[shuihuzhuan]

to be entirely transparent this is a vent post. nobody's obligated to read it and the only reason it's public is because venting to specific people makes me feel Worse, and i just want to try to put things into Words for myself, you know?

i've definitely been doing some self-isolating Lite (tm) for a while now but haven't quite figured out why or how exactly to remedy it, especially because for the past half year or so i've just felt way too, like, tired, i think is the best word, to put the energy into not only figuring out how to fix it but putting any of that into practice and clearly it's not been doing me any favors, especially when it comes to the fact that i definitely want to make more / better friends with people but am ultimately struck by fear that it's kind of inevitably going to fall apart both because i'm pretty uninteresting (if enjoyable, as i am often reassured, and for that i'm appreciative) and because i find it difficult to muster the energy to try to keep up with people and often feel like i'm left in the dust but have no way to change that without sacrificing the little health and energy i happen to have that i'd obviously prefer to spend on something for Me Specifically. and i guess that's probably eye-rollingly selfish, but at the same time i don't exactly have someone to hold my hand and drag me into doing something different, i have to make myself do it. and making yourself do shit is just like. hard.

i've ultimately found that there's just some kind of fundamental disconnect with the way i interact (or rather, don't, even if i really want to) with people and what i only later really perceive as what they Want from me later on. i unfortunately take things very negatively in a way that i usually describe as just "getting scared" but it feels obvious it's a little more than that, i'm just not sure i have the ability to put it into words, but whatever it is it's in a way that makes it so i just Don't have the ability to make myself bite the bullet and take initiative and i kind of just let whatever happen happen and don't realize i'm making that decision consciously unless one of the people i'm doing it to happens to reach out to me (which they have no reason to feel inclined to do).

this has been both for relatively understandable reasons and reasons that just feel kind of ridiculous when i think about them - of course it makes sense to not want to be further misinterpreted (to put it kindly) without Knowing im being misinterpreted and therefore having no way to fix it, but at the same time just Not talking to new people or not putting myself in situations that scare me isnt the way to go about it, making friends with people who will be able to bring me up to Their level Is, but also if i can't talk to anyone new, i won't be able to find anyone that can help me make that happen. it's a vicious cycle, or whatever.

it's incredibly difficult to continuously present that i want to be spoken to if i've done something upsetting but only really prompt conversation with me in that case. that's the kind of thing that scares people out of talking to me, but i'm not quite sure what to do with it especially circling back to the whole thing about not having much energy at all, you know?

in essence, i'm aware that i'm not really... special? i don't really have anything new to offer at any point and find it difficult to follow things for very long. i'm very head-scrambly in a way that makes it hard for me to follow things even when they're what i have a personal vested interest in (like, even as i write this im jumping back and forth to start and finish paragraphs in a way that probably just makes the whole thing insanely hard to follow if anyone's made it this far). there are a million other people out there with a semi-niche interest that they'll repeat things about over and over again unprompted because they can't remember if they have or can't remember if the people they're talking to don't have any interest in it.

and i guess i've internalized that too much rather than realizing people want to talk to me for me even if i'm Boring not because of what i bring to the table but because of who i am, but if i can't bring myself to talk to them out of fear of being annoying they won't be able to Get anything out of me and then there draws miscommunication From the lack of communication in general, leading people i care about to think i don't want to talk to them for whatever reason when that's not the case (what happens is i start thinking "they don't want to talk to me, i'm pretty sure i'm just annoying them" turns into other people thinking that i think they are annoying because i don't want to talk and then nothing is done about it), but at the same time i'm just unfortunately forcing them to put in effort for something that's not necessarily going to pay off.

something recently got me thinking about the way i Communicate and if i'm like... good at it? and what i'm thinking is that maybe at some point i might have been but i just find it so draining to try to tap into the skills i know i should have to an end i know i should be trying to reach.

i like talking to people. i'm a big fan of it. but i think i'm just used to do so in a way thats just so insubstantial and brush-off-y (even if i'm not trying to be) that when i need to even do something so small as ask someone if they Want to chat i get too scared to and end up thinking that we're both better off if i don't embarrass myself by doing so, and then i dig myself into a hole of making people think i don't want to talk to them when that's not the case.

the paranoia inherent to the Mental Illness Concoction certainly doesn't help, and even though 9 times out of 10 it's not proven and is, obviously, ridiculous and unjustified, the one time in a million that it ends up being correct fools my mind into thinking i need to do more of it rather than think rationally.

i'm also, like, very well aware this comes off as distinctly pity party-ish but to that i'm just like. shrug? not really much to be done about it, especially when doing so takes both energy and courage i don't have. guy who can put in the effort to yap to the void but not to talk to people for real

#if anyone actually got through this whole thing and wants to send an ask about it i invite it but otherwise 👍 have a great day #^ i dont mind whether its positive or negative btw like feel free to hurt my feelings if you feel so inclined #as long winded as this is i don't think its brought me any closer to fixing the issue which is a shame but idk #if anyone who happens to read it has found themselves Confused by my Behavior maybe itll help. or maybe not

[iloveyouemanuelmarco]

Hmm, I've been thinking(Okay so for context, for all my life up to now aka since being born technically, I was raised into a family household that believed in Christianity but mostly leaned towards the Catholicism parts of such since I've heard there are many different types of people of faith with all different names and traditions, customs and cultures of said interest and everything which I think is pretty cool in its own right atleast but anyways- From what I can remember from being apart of my small and average main family system, my mom along with my grandmother from her side of relatives and such, are seemingly the most passionate and active in the church when compared to my dad. My father isn't hateful about such beliefs nor is he even considered an aethetist or agnostic, but he hasn't been following many of the typical "rules" or societal normaly that is considered when being apart of said group. For example, while my mom and grandma go to church every Sunday whenever they can so they can worship our lord and savior of God and his son, Jesus Christ, my dad is often uninterested in traveling to make the literal 5-10 minute journey though he mostly stays inside anyways watching old movies from different foreign countries sooo(No hate to him by the way, if it pleases him then I hope he has fun doing that^^). I'll admit, while I do make attempts to go with my mom, I often find myself unable to due to disinterest, but it's not disinterest in him ofcourse. I would never ad I love him very much and always have, but it feels like even though I do care about our Holy Father and that I haven't directly rejected him, my current daily life atleast as of lately has been feeling like I have currently abandoned him somehow or that I have somehow drifted away from the right path and have become deaf to his word. It honestly makes me very upset since I should be more loyal and honest to him now that I think about it. I used to be such a happy little girl who would pray every day in the morning before school and at every night before bed. I used to go to a private religious catholic school where I would go to church there sometimes too(half of the time it was mandatory on certain days during the hours but still)and even if I didn't understand everything due to my young age, I would quietly sit and listen I'm an attempt to learn more about the holy scriptures and such with my classmates and the other students from different grades/ages. I used to prepare for the moments during one's usual journey, being excited that I would become closer to God by wearing my white dress and getting baptized with other certain selected students(I don't remember what the specific event was called but I remember it being very important to me at the time)and I don't know...I sorta miss it. I miss being so happy and careless of all my anxieties but now I am stuck here...I don't want to stray away from God's love any longer, I don't want my true reality to break away because it makes me afraid of if I somehow commit some sort of unforgivable sin that'll destroy any sense of humanity I have left...(I know that sounds dramatic but please. I am really trying to make a solid attempt at explaining all of this right now so as complex as it may seem, keep in mind that my brain is starting to function again for once in the dying light that is my empty and boring life that while I am still grateful for, has been causing me much hurt and pain in so many ways). Currently I am a 16 year old eurocentric and privileged middle-class white-latino feminine presenting person who is actually a member of the LGBTQIA+ and neurodivergent community too according to doctors/psychiatrists or something(I don't know, that's what my dad has said since my late diagnosis at 12 which is that even late?? It's so confusing at times ughh but that's just how it is I guess haha).

On the internet, specifically here and on the couple of social media platforms that I publicly have, I have used these safe spaces to more accurately and honestly express myself when it comes to my identity not only when it comes to sexuality and gender but also with the intersectionality of my race and ethnicity, my hobbies, interests and talents, my wants and needs and etc. I have said before that I am a privileged and middle-class eurocentric 16 year old white-latino feminine person in real life but actually wants to present as more of who I am being a bisexual(male preference having)aceflux female to male transgender person who to be honest is probably more of a mostly male but still bigender or genderfluid person since I still feel connected to growing up in perceived girlhood but I don't know yet...who does know though at that point???Pfttt...I don't hate my body and I know God made me beautiful in my own way just like all the other unique people he created all through out the history of the planet Earth, but sometimes it can be hard since I think the most queer people see me as is just maybe a bisexual cis girl who might be on the asexual spectrum???I hope I am making some sort of sense with my explanation...somehow so with all that being said, I guess I've had some sort of short epiphany in my brain where I've realized something important for me that I've almost forgotten. I need to actively take steps to come back to God and I know somewhat of how to do it but I would appreciate a little more help from others with more expertise aka experience for those who don't have a big and fancy vocabulary in their inner-mind library haha- I do sincerly apologize if I have caused genuine annoyance for anyone with this post for whatever reason as my normal posts are coming back soon once I get back online but for now, I need to go study and do more research on how I can save myself and others for when he comes again. I know it sounds scary but it's actually wonderful so please don't be scared of him, because he loves us all no matter what and nothing can turn us away from him. Worship him and confess your sins because it's good to be honest and he loves you, after all he knows you best like you know yourself since he created the beautiful building of love and passion got the world that is your soul. It's never to late to choose him and to spread the good word of the gospel<3. Please stay safe and have a good day or night wherever you are and thank you if you've read the entire paragraphs of rambles I've written haha. I really do appreciate your support whether it be here, there or anywhere else!!:)You must keep surviving for you and I, for us and eachother but also for him too...

Also P.S: Hope you guys don't mind but I'm gonna put a nice scenery image here since I like being calmed down and enjoy embracing the beauty of nature, especially when we're lucky enough as humans to photograph the right moments atleast!!Other animals sadly only get to enjoy it in the moment which can be too fast since they're constantly needing to survive actively♡.

#Christianity #Catholism #Christian Faith #Catholic Faith #Christian #Catholic #Beautiful Moments #Faith In Jesus #Faith In God #Epiphany #Realizations #Realizing #Realization #Humanity #Animals #Plants #The Earth #Religious #Religion #Science #Technology #Modern Art #Hope #Staying Strong #Staying Safe #Relaxing #I Am So Happy #Jesus Christ #God #The Father The Son And The Holy Spirit

[meraki24601]

Hello, Meraki! I hope you are doing okay :)

In case you don’t mind writing something new… How about a traveller whumpee? Just a lonely traveller who wanders around the country, maybe even becoming famous among the local innkeepers, aka the one who never stays for more than one day and almost always leaves just before the dawn (or something like this).

Then, there’s another person, Traveller’s friend. This friend is more… prosaic than Traveller and kind of disapproves the latter’s lifestyle.

I actually had a dream once with these characters, where Traveller got sick and Friend had to take care of them. I clearly remember Friend saying: “You should stop letting wind travel through your lungs and head, one day this will kill you.” I know that it sounds old-fashioned, but… could you please consider putting it it the story🥺

Anyway, thank you for reading all of this) Also, you are more than welcome to refuse to write it if you don’t want to, I will understand:)

Hello, Friend! Thanks for the awesome prompt. I'm not sure if this is exactly what you were thinking, but I hope you enjoy!

The Traveler

-----------*-***-*-----------

Traveler was the reason Innkeeper’s Inn and the ones in the larger surrounding towns began collecting payments as people arrived and before each additional night rather than a collective sum at the end of their stay. Of course, Traveler had never failed to pay Innkeeper what they owed, but it made Innkeeper nervous to hear they had left hours before sunrise while all but the drunkards were asleep. 

They would arrive in the morning or early evening to trade in the market. Their wares were never of the highest quality, nor did they trade for anything of greater value. Instead, Traveler was known for bringing goods from far-off lands. Then, they were gone the next day, leaving only the money they owed behind.

The stranger wasn’t a merchant or trader. Their hair was uncut, their clothes too ragged to be a merchant, and they were too honest to be a trader. In the market, they only traded for things they were interested in and to gather enough money for food and a bed for the night. They never pushed to exchange any item they had brought if the townsfolk seemed uninterested. Tales of distant lands and people Innkeeper and the others in the village would never see spewed from their lips for anyone who wanted to listen. So, the people called them Traveler and flocked to the area anytime word spread that they had returned. 

Innkeeper never bothered to follow the crowd. Theirs was the only Inn for several miles; Traveler would come when the day’s work was done, and with them would come the gossiping townsfolk, ready to drink and eat in celebration of the unknown. Like always, Innkeeper would watch from their place behind the bar, serving and taking in what information they found valuable. They rarely spoke to Traveler besides confirming the cost of a room and the call for another ale. They had no need for adventure or the danger that often came with it. 

As Innkeeper knew it would, as Traveler's popularity grew, so did the threats that came with it. 

One quiet, late evening, nearly three months after the previous visit, Traveler stumbled into the Inn. No enraptured shouts of excitement or herds of people followed after. Traveler was all alone. 

“I am sorry, Innkeeper. I have no money to pay, but might I have some water and bread? Please forgive the rudeness of the question. Whatever your answer, I won’t take up much more of your time or the space at your bar.” Traveler’s voice was raw and barely loud enough to understand.

With a deep sigh, Innkeeper gestured for Traveler to seat themself at the bar and slipped into the kitchen. They recognized the bruise causing Traveler’s left eye to swell and the marks covering their arms where their jacket had been torn. Combined with the flatness of their usually bulging travel pack, Innkeeper had a relatively good idea of what the other had been through. Traveler had brought them enough business. That had more than paid for one of the untouched meals they had prepared and a safe place to sleep. 

Innkeeper brought the steaming plate and a mug of ale back to the main hall to find Traveler sprawled in a chair, head down, at the bar. After confirming that the other was only sleeping, Innkeeper set the meal down and stepped outside to bring Traveler’s horse to the stable. Only the horse was nowhere to be seen. Of the two, Innkeeper had always preferred Traveler’s calm and cooperative horse over its master. It saddened them to see the beast missing. 

Stepping softly back into the Inn, they found Traveler was awake and eating at a frightening pace. “My horse is dead. They killed him.” They called without looking up from the plate of food.

“The bandits at Hilford Cross?” Innkeeper asked, sighing at Traveler’s reserved nod. “Eat. I have bandages to treat your wounds when you’re done.”

Traveler was quiet as they finished eating and allowed Innkeeper to bandage their wounds. Only after Innkeeper refilled their Ale and handed them a room key did the unpaying guest speak, “Why are you being so kind to me? When the traders saw my empty bags, they wouldn’t allow me into the market. I have nothing to give you except maybe a story. Though, I fear you’ve already heard most of them. My recent travels have not seemed to end well.”

“You owe me nothing for this night. Your visits have kept my family fed and comfortable through many challenging months. That is payment enough. Though, you could tell me your name. Through the many months you have come and gone, I have never heard your name, only what the villagers call you.”

Chuckling softly, Traveler’s brow rose in question, “What do the villagers call me?”

Innkeeper’s lips quirked up in an unwitting smile, “They simply call you Traveler.”

This time, full-bellied laughter filled the main hall, leaving Traveler clutching their side against the pain. “Traveler. I have been called many names over the years, though that one seems to fit the most. My true name is one I haven’t heard in a lifetime. It seems the thieving winds that try to blow me away as I walk down the winding roads have swept into my mind and stolen it from me. You may as well continue calling me Traveler, as I have no other name to give you. Though, Innkeeper, I do wonder… If you can give me a new name, might I give you one as well?”

“Perhaps. What name would you give me?” 

“Friend.”

Traveler was gone the following morning. The same as every morning before. They tried to visit the village more frequently after that night. Innkeeper always smiled at Traveler’s mischievous wink as they opened the Inn’s doors to allow the flood of hungry villagers following them to enter. 

One thing that changed was that Traveler began going to their room earlier. They would hide away until the villagers finished their food and drinks, then returned to the main hall to sit with Innkeeper. 

Sometimes, the two would simply sit in companionable silence, Traveler exhausted from the day of travel and evening of entertaining the villagers. Other times, the two would talk. Innkeeper would keep the remaining guests' drinks filled, then linger around Traveler to hear the stories they didn’t tell the others— their struggles, as well as the small joys the crowds would find boring. 

Then came a month when Traveler didn’t come to the village. One month became two, then three, and four. Four months became a year. Each time news of a lone stranger in the town spread to Innkeeper’s small Inn, they prepared a new lecture to give Traveler for staying away and leaving their business to rot without their support. Each time Innkeeper was disappointed when a different stranger walked through their door. 

A year and three months passed, and word finally came that Traveler had returned. It was the blacksmith who told Innkeeper the news between giant bites of his lunch. Traveler was back and telling his stories to all who would listen right in the middle of the market. 

If anyone asked, Innkeeper would deny that they ran all the way from their Inn to the market. They had just wanted to get more fish to cook later for dinner, and encouraging Traveler to bring the village to eat was just an extra incentive to take the opportunity to go. Innkeeper wasn’t worried about Traveler or why they had been gone so long.

If they had been worried, it would have been for good reason. The sight before them was worrisome indeed. Traveler stood on the wall of the well in the middle of the market. Though, standing was a bit of a stretch with how heavily they were leaning against the beams holding up the bucket for drawing water. Their skin was pale and covered with sweat as they told their story with half the enthusiasm Innkeeper was used to seeing when they performed. 

Traveler seemed moments from falling backward into the well, so Innkeeper did what needed to be done. They marched through the crowd and, as they yanked Traveler down from the wall, announced, “Thank you all for your attention. Traveler is needed elsewhere.” It took two tries for them to lift Traveler’s bags onto their back and untie their new horse from the post, but soon they were off with Traveler in tow. 

The walk back to the Inn was quiet. Traveler kept their eyes down on their feet, only occasionally glancing up to find their bag and their horse. They stumbled so much that Innkeeper eventually helped them into their saddle to let the horse carry them for the rest of the short walk. Moments later, they were asleep. 

Hidden away in the inn’s stables, Innkeeper let themselves press the back of their hand to Traveler’s forehead. It was burning up. This close, they could see just how much weight Traveler had lost. The sight was frightening. 

Despite Innkeeper’s encouragement, Traveler could only barely wake enough to stumble along, leaning heavily against Innkeeper as they walked Traveler to their personal room. 

Innkeeper stayed with Traveler through dinner and late into the night. They weren’t in good shape. The sickness had a deep hold on them. The fever was worse and a deep cough in their chest made their body lurch in Innkeeper’s bed. It wasn’t until near dawn that the fever eased, and Traveler opened their eyes. 

“Good morning. If you’re thinking of leaving before the town wakes, then think again. You owe me a little more than what you have in that lightweight money pouch for the room and for nursing you back to health,” Innkeeper whispered as they wiped away the sweat from Traveler’s brow.

“My friend. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’m at the Inn then?” Despite the audible sickness in Traveler’s voice, Innkeeper was glad to hear it again. And yet, they found a sudden anger rising in their chest as Traveler attempted to rise from the bed.

“More than a year, you fool. You’ve been gone for more than a year, then come back half dead and still call me friend?” Innkeeper shoved Traveler back down and stood to dump the bowl of water they had been using to dampen their rag out the window and onto the street below. “What happened to you? No stories. Why didn’t you come back?”

“A year.” Traveler draped their arm over their eyes. “The thieving wind. It must have slipped into my mind and stolen the time away. I had no idea—”

“No stories.”

“They wouldn’t let me go. I was just looking for a home. It’s all I want. I thought I’d found it, but they wouldn’t let me leave. Then I got sick… Where is your spouse? Is your son caring for the bar?”

“My son has found a wife and has moved to the town to the south in search of better work. My spouse passed away nearly six months ago. A lot has happened in a year.”

Traveler’s body tensed, but they didn’t move their arm. “I see. I am sorry it has taken me so long to return to you, my friend, but as time has slipped away, wisdom has taken its place. I know now I cannot stay for long. I need to keep looking. I can’t pay you in full for the room, but I promise I’ll pay you the rest when the wind pulls me back to your Inn.”

“You should stop letting wind travel through your lungs and head; one day, this will kill you.” Innkeeper pulled the blankets up around Traveler’s shoulders. “If a home is what you’ve been looking for all this time, can you not find one here? I am an innkeeper. The people who come to see me are always passing through on their path to another town. I could use a friend who will stay around.”

“You would call me your friend?” Traveler’s eyes peeked up at Innkeeper. The fever was back, but their vision seemed clear. 

“I would. If you stick around until tomorrow to let me.” Innkeeper turned down the lantern next to the bed. The sun would soon shine through the window well enough for them to see without it. “Rest, my friend. We’ll talk more when you’re well.”

Part 2

#whump fic #whump scenario #whump #whump writing #hurt/comfort #sickfic #finding friends #searching for something #at some point this became over 2k words #answered ask

[saintflint]

yay to starting hormones soon! i've been on T for almost two years & i couldn't be happier. i waited a while to start it because i was so unsure about it. i was nearly in tears during my consultation appointment because i was so afraid (i felt particularly attached to my trained soprano voice, even though i had vocal dysphoria). i started on gel & switched to shots after about six months, when my initial anxiety & uncertainty wore off & i just wanted to see results asap!! i've found the shots to be mostly fine - definitely more convenient than the gel. feel free to try different injection sites (i started on my stomach & switched to my thighs because i find them less painful).

as for mourning the girl you couldn't be, i feel you. personally, what i've found is that i'm so excited to be unearthing the boy i am that the girl i could have been has become so relatively uninteresting that she's a non-issue. the "what ifs" have fallen away in the face of something so real & true. the reality of me is so much better than the fantasy of her. there's no comparison.

sending you much love <3

dude, this message was so fucking comforting you have no idea…i literally have waited two years since coming out as a trans man for the same exact reason. i even brought up the gel at my consultation but after talking to the doctor, we decided that starting with injections while simultaneously talking to their therapist is the route for me. i’ve also sung my whole life (i’m a mezzo-alto) & while i’m sad to lose my range with certain songs, i’m also excited to gain new range with songs i’ve always wished i could sing…honestly everything you said made me feel so much less alone, thank you so much. sending you so much love, my friend.

#asks

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

Holy crap the post reply about the car colours, that's a good writing job right there. Never stop doing you, love to see it.

Take it as a sign that I don't understand Tumblr culture and possibly never will, but I found it hilarious that you sent this anonymously. Like, you typed all this lovely message and then thought "Eugh, I don't want to associate my name with this".

I am not the most easy person to do, but I don't plan on stopping. Doing anyone else seems thoroughly uninteresting when not just miles beyond me... and even then, what'd be the worth of anything I accomplished as someone I'm not, when looking back I couldn't say "I accomplished it" but "I became someone else in order to accomplish it"? Beyond that, I've stories to tell I value incalculably, and if I stop doing me no one else will tell them for me. And I do want someone like me to be out there for people to find, as I try to be the kind of person and make the kind of things I wish I could stumble into -maybe those I fantasized about stumbling into in my relatively socially uneventful adolescence- so seeing me or my work be appreciated is incredibly motivating, it makes me feel like that's come to fruition.

TL;DR: thank you, it means a lot. :)

#not a thing

[heyheydidjaknow]

I have a very important question to ask about L.

You know that audio where he talk about the different types of monsters? He said he would likely be eaten by the monster "who lies" cause he IS that monster. No matter how many times I tried to understand it or link it with anything that's happened in the anime (I only watched the anime) I could never once understand it. I don't even know where it came from. Any ideas?

The clip comes from the Death Note movies, Death Note: Relight, which is, to my understanding, Death Note the anime but edited into a movie, with supplemental scenes to fill in for all the rest of the stuff you’re going to miss if you take a however long show and condense it down that far. The movie, from the clips I’ve seen, isn’t the most elegantly made thing in the world, and even though there are a couple neat things that they added— see the L funeral scene— it makes a couple decisions that I personally think are a little weird. Having said that, I think that there was intent put into that scene, so let’s do some good ol’ fashioned analysis!

Context: The scene opens on Near fuckin around with some dominos, reminiscing on L and his death and trying to figure out why he was defeated, leading us to a flashback. L is doing a Q&A type deal with some of the kids at Wammy house. One of the kids asks L whether or not there’s something he’s not good at/scared of. A kid tells that one off, saying that L isn’t scared of anything, but L pipes up saying that he thinks that he’s scared of monsters. He elaborates on this, giving the following speech:

“There are many types of monsters in this world: monsters who will not show themselves and who cause trouble, monsters who abduct children, monsters who devour dreams, monsters who suck blood… and monsters who always tell lies. Lying monsters are a real nuisance; they are much more cunning than other monsters. They pose as humans even though they have no understanding of the human heart; they eat even though they’ve never experienced hunger; they study even though they have no interest in academics; they seek friendship even though they do not know how to love. If I were to encounter such monsters, I would likely be eaten by it… because in truth, I am that monster.”

So, let’s start from the top. “Monsters who will not show themselves and cause trouble” can either refer specifically to Mello— the camera points to him during that line— or can be lumped together with “monsters who abduct children, monsters who devour dreams, monsters who suck blood” which would likely refer to the person L is typically used to dealing with in regards to his cases, people who do the things that they do for generally shallow, generally uninteresting reasons. For those lines, excluding when the camera is trained specifically on Mello, the camera doesn’t focus on anyone in particular, instead looking generally at the crowd of children; the implicit message is that these sorts of monsters, in the grand scheme of things, are relatively pedestrian, that while there is the occasional unusual character among them, they are largely uninteresting.

And then we get to the “lying monsters” portion. “And then there are monsters who always tell lies,” focuses on Near, sat a fair distance away from the rest of the children, who visibly pauses at the line. The line, and those to follow, are in reference to four people: L, Near, and Mello, which we know because of the next few shots. “They pose as humans even though they have no understanding of the human heart,” refers to L; we see L (or B, possibly, but seeing as the show doesn’t acknowledge him outside of the LA BB Murder Case I’m assuming it’s L) in the background of the scene, blending in despite his actively moving away from the group as opposed to socializing, unable to relate to them and therefore taking no effort to spend time with them. “They eat, even though they’ve never experienced hunger,” refers to Mello; he sits alone and away from the other kids, ignoring the food in front of him for the chocolate bar in his hand, perhaps symbolic of his general tendency to meaninglessly take and work for things he doesn’t actually need as if he does (ie success and superiority, surpassing L regardless of how it impacts him and his life); this hunger is also why, although he is lumped in with the other kids at the beginning, he was distinctly separate, because while his motivations are selfish and shallow, they motivate him a significant amount. “They study even though they have no interest in academics,” refers to Near, whose entire life is essentially dedicated to becoming L despite however he feels about detective work. He solves cases because he wants to be recognized, not because he has any passion for the work beyond its entertainment value, demonstrated by his only studying with a man over his shoulder, otherwise staring blankly at his computer. “They seek friendship, even though they don’t know how to love,” doesn’t have a clear link, but possibly refers to L and Mello seeing as the pictures children are blind and black haired respectively.

Note that all of these statements, to Near, are also true of Kira: after all, this whole exercise is meant to answer that first question of, “How was L defeated,” with this monologue being somewhat the answer. Kira poses as human and acts as if his motivations aren’t as monstrous as they really are. Kira eats despite never experiencing hunger, murdering those who have acted unjustly despite having never been a victim of serious injustice. He studies with no interest in academics, going about the motions of day to day life for the sake of appearance as opposed to any desire to improve himself. He seeks friendship for the sake of advantage as opposed to any love that he happens to feel towards any of the people he uses. He is, to Near, exactly who L has described as this worst, lying monster, which becomes relevant in the next line.

The camera cuts back to the kids from before, but from a wider angle, showing exactly how distanced Mello and Near are from the rest of the group, with Mello in particular almost looming over the rest of the group. This shot is maintained throughout the next line: “If I were to encounter such a monster, I would likely be eaten by it,” a line that all but Near take at least partial reverence to; after all, to Near, L was a goalpost to surpass, someone he wanted to be stronger than, not any sort of role model.

We finally focus on L’s logo for the last line: “Because in truth, I am that monster.” This line plays off a motif seen throughout Death Note, how L and Light are often reflections of one another. This statement is false: L, unfortunately, actually had some attachment towards people, held some things sacred, cared a bit too much, which is why he was defeated. He believed himself to be colder than he was, belied himself to be more impartial, and for his miscalculation, he was killed. As Near sets down his domino, the message is that Near is what L was not, impartial and uncommitted, half of the monster that could and would finally defeat Kira. He has found the flaw in his reasoning, and will now be able to not make that same mistake by truly becoming the monster necessary to defeat Kira.

But, that’s all speculation. Again, it’s not the most elegant speech: it’s also possible that the writers honestly believe L’s misconception and believe him to genuinely be all those things, which goes a bit against his character. If I had to give an explanation, though, without doing any research, that’s how I would. Hope this was helpful.

Edit: FORGOT TO MENTION THE MUSIC. The music in the scene is a track called “Taikutsu”, which translates to boring/dull/monotonous and contains what I’m calling the Light Guitar, which is the clean guitar that I’m fairly sure is meant to symbolize Light (though don’t quote me on that; I’m making that assumption after listening to the soundtrack isolated, not with any external sources) which is notable for a couple reasons. The first being used in a flashback that Near’s having, and helps reinforce the idea that Near generally doesn’t have an emotional horse in this race and is just quietly analyzing this speech on his own. He cares about all this the same way a student might look at an example paper; he doesn’t want to know why L failed because he himself actually cares about him, but because he doesn’t want to make the same mistakes in regards to Kira (hence the Light Guitars). The other thing is that if this is music that’s for L, it gives the idea that the perceived reality of his existence is one that he has already considered and accepted, and his sharing this information is not particularly of interest to him; he’s not saddened or distraught by who he perceives himself to be, but instead finds the whole thing uninteresting or irrelevant as a whole.

Alternatively, the sound designers on the project picked it because it sounded nice and fit tonally with the scene, which is also a possibility. But I felt like I should include that in case that isn’t the case.

#death note #death note lawliet #light death note #near death note #l death note #mello death note #mihael keehl #near #nate rivers #death note analysis #scene analysis #This is also largely unedited #so if I think of anything else I’ll add it #relight

[onewomancitadel]

I would go along with anti censorship rhetoric and then use all of their rhetoric to ban all the fics they like. Fluffy domestic comfort gives the false impression that all relationships can just be happy without the occasional argument and we need depiction of unhappy relationships to know when to leave. Actually even if you flat-out stop depicting romance do you seriously think people are just making friends in this climate? Close friends are at a statistical low in society. So you're just going to depict a friendless nobody who sits around and does nothing? Okay so you want to make agoraphobes look bad?

This is semi-related to a paper I read recently by Susan Wolf about the moral saint (Moral Saints, 1987) in that trying to depict that in fiction would be uninteresting, sure,

A moral saint will have to be very, very nice. It is important that he not be offensive. The worry is that, as a result, he will have to be dull-witted or humorless or bland (422).

but I'm not even sure possible in terms of using fiction as a didactic model. Like, the moral aspiration of fiction is inherently untenable, because there's actually no way to write something perfectly morally pure not only when each situation is relative to be judged if not itself nonmoral, but that people can have very different takeaways from fiction because of its interpretive nature (which is a little different from a real-life situation you are judging for yourself).

But the point is that if a) antis believe fiction should be of a moral aspirational ideal, and b) it is bad when it is not, if not reflects an emergency, then c) for the purposes of social need (didactic, moderating) it must be as moral as possible, in which case you end up with extremely boring storytelling or something naturally objectionable. In which case, part of the joke here is that I find twee bullshit pretty contemptible - and I am manipulating their beliefs for my own end.

In other words, a person may be perfectly wonderful without being perfectly moral. (436).

I do think this paper dismisses virtue ethics too quickly but that is beyond the scope of this post lol.

At any rate, I think antis can easily proven to be absurd on the point of censorship (particularly when they are fans of a property like A Song of Ice and Fire - quite selective there), if we take them seriously and not as simple crybullies, but this is to prove that you can even do this without an absolutist proshipping framework.

#however a lot of utilitarians advocate for essentially paying off their sins like pseudo-catholics #offsetting their immoral behaviour with donation to charity #peter singer my nemesis

[seraphimroundup]

If you message me and i seem uninterested i promise i am intrested im just really bad at talking to people- i also dont have a high social battery so i might have to like step back everyonce in a while

Hello! I go by Apollo, Loki, Gabriel, and Castiel. I’m 19 and would prefer only adults on my account if possible, I know there’s only so much I can do about that though.

I use mainly It/It’s, Wing/Wing’s/Wingself, Seraph/Seraph’s/Seraphself, Sun/Sun’s/Sunself, Honk/Honk’s/Honkself, ☀️/☀️’s/☀️self, 🐍/🐍’s/🐍self, 🐝/🐝’s/🐝self, 🍬/🍬’s/🍬self, and 🍯/🍯’s/🍯self. I will add a full list of my pronouns and genders under the cut! :) ( it's still being updated and I will try to remember to update on here too )

I'm Otherkin and Fictionkin I think?

I'm a Polymorph Celestial Otherkin, the Celestial part is fictionkin mixed, it's a mixture of our world’s angels and demons, and Supernatural’s angels and demons!

I also think I'm fictionkin as in like, I'm Castiel and Gabriel but I'm still figuring it out :) also Chuck kins please DNI, nothing against you personally the trauma is still a bit fresh is all. If you share a Kin with me or with anyone I love please follow!

I also will not get involved in discourse, I don't want radqueers or anything like that on my page, basically don't be a dick and we’re chill. I won't make a DNI ill just block people because I can't think enough to make one atm.

By @mmadeinheavenn

By me!

By @dxmnsvoid :))

For more context on being forced to leave heaven, i didn’t fall, i left on my own accord due to my father and brothers and im in hiding ( Gabrielkin specific )

GENDERS

MoonHigh

SunHigh

Lovecelestiasic

SKYRIMIC

Riftenhearthic

Occultfloric

Lunaeyn

BPDwitch

Malificae

Liminalschoolgender

Voidpunk

Agender

Crypgender

Hereticaldernic

DESTORIUNE

Cryptidboy

ROCKSTARELIC

Pronouns

a

al/ alt/ mer/ mers/ altmerself

Abyss/abyss/abysself

b

Bloo/ blood/ blood/ bloods/ bloodself

Byte/ bytes/ bytes/ byteself

bar/ bards/ bardself

Bite/ bites

bolt/ bolts

bone/ bones

c

Clown/ Clown/ Clowns/ Clowns/ Clownself

Corpse/ Corpse/ Corpses/ Corpses/ Corpseself

Critter/ Critter/ Critters/ Critters/ Critterself.

Cryp/ Cryp/ Crypts /Crypts /Cryptself

Chao /Chao/ Chaos/ Chaos/ Chaoself

Charge/ Charges

d

Dae/ Dae/ Daer/ Daers/ Daemself

Duke/ duke/ dukes/ dukes/ dukeself

e

Eye/ Eye/ Eyes/ Eyes/ Eyeself

Eerie/ eerie/ eeries/ eeries/ eerieself

f

Fae/ Fae/ Faer/ Faers/ Faerself

Flame/ Flame/ flars/ flars/ flameself

flirt/flirts

g

Glitch/ Glitch/ Gliches/ Glitches/ Glitchself

Guts/ Guts/ Guts/ Guts/ Gutsself

Gore/ Gore/ Gores/ Gores/ Goreself

h

H0nk/ H0nk/ H0nks/ H0nks/ H0nkself

Honk/ Honk/ Honks/ Honks/ Honkself

i

It/ t/ It's/ It's/ Itsself

j

Ji/ jin/ jix/ jinx/ jinxself

Jester/ Jester/ Jesters/ Jesters/ Jesterself

k

Kandi/ kandi/ kandis/ kandis/ kandiself

l

Lau/ rel/ aur/ laur/ laurelself

Lyre /Lyres

m

Mo/ Moth/ Moths/ Moths/ Mothself

Moon/ Moons/ moons/ moonself

n

Ny/ Ny/ Nyx/ Nyx/ Nyxself

Nyc/ nycto/ nyctos/ nyctoself

Necro/ necrom/ necself

Nym/ nym/ nyms/ nyms/ nymself

null/ nulls/ nullself

o

One/ One/ Ones/ Ones/ Oneself

p

Pyre/ Pyre/ Pyres/ Pyres/ Pyreself

Pop/ Pop/ Pops/ Pops/ Popself

Punk/ punk/ punks/ punks/ punkself

q

quoi/quim

r

Rot/ Rot/ Rots/ Rots/ Rotsself

s

Sta/ static/ stas/ statics/ staticself

spark/ sparks

smoke/ smokes

sin/sinself

t

trance/trances/tranceself

u

v

Vamp/ Vamp/ Vamps/ Vamps/ Vampself

Voi/ Voi/ Voids/ Voids/ Voidself

w

wit/witch/witchself

x

y

z

other

.exe/ .exe/ .exe/ .exes/ .exeself

1t/1t/1tz/1tz/1tzelf

?/ ?s/ ?s/ ?/ ?self

!/!/!'s/!'s/!self

[Name]/ [Name]/ [Name]s/ [Name]s/ [Name]self

http/ http/ https/ https/ httpself

🌞/ 🌞/ 🌞s/ 🌞s/ 🌞self

🔥/🔥/🔥s/🔥s/🔥self

🤡/🤡/🤡s/🤡s/🤡self

🌙/🌙/🌙s/🌙s/🌙self

⚡/⚡/⚡s/⚡s/⚡self

✨/✨/✨s/✨s/✨self

🕸️ / 🕸️ /🕸️s /🕸️s /🕸️ self

🚬 / 🚬 / 🚬s / 🚬s/ 🚬self

💉/💉/💉s/💉s/💉self

🔌/🔌/🔌s/🔌s/🔌self

🍄/🍄/🍄s/🍄s/🍄self

⛓️/⛓️/⛓️s/⛓️s/⛓️self

🌾/🌾/🌾s/🌾s/🌾self

⭐️/ ⭐️/⭐️s/⭐️s/⭐️self

I'm also Skyrimhearthic!

#fictionkin #otherkin #mogai #hearthic #mogai community #alterhuman #nonhuman #alterhumanity

[tanoraqui]

💧 for the wip asks!

💧Share something romantic/hot from your WIP, or just something sweet if it's gen.

From The Númenor Job (which I swear I'm gonna work on and finish this summer):

You’re staring at me, Celebrimbor thought idly. I’m halfway across Elenna, Annatar replied, amused. We’re married, and you’re contemplating me in a way that is nearly tangible. I was just considering, Annatar said, and if they’d been in person he would’ve traced the panes of Celebrimbor’s face with one light finger, how beautiful you would be if rendered down to your component atoms and neatly organized by element…and how relatively uninteresting, without the endlessly shifting permutations that the whole, combined form constantly generates. Most, I understand, and can predict with ease. Yet others… You’re so strange, Celebrimbor thought fondly. You always think that, Annatar replied with exaggerated haughtiness. I am an underlying theme of the purest, primal Music of Creation. You are a strange little latecomer, interloper…yet I have watched you defy rhythms that you cannot even comprehend, and emerge, if not victorious, then alive. I have watched you manipulate elements of raw Song and fix them into matter with almost no loss of potency. Have I manipulated you, oh underlying theme of Creation? Celebrimbor asked, leaning into the molten spirit, the immeasurable infinitude, married forever to his. Most certainly. Annatar twisted around him, through him, like a red-hot, contented snake. It’s fascinating.

#theghostinthemargins #ask meme #my fic #celebrimbor #sauron #annatar #silvergifting #this has 0 bearing on the plot and i'd cut it if i didn't love self-indulgent weird flirting #...i might still cut it in the end. i hope not. tbd!!

[abyssthepansexual]

Just a little food for thought in the twst fandom.

1 year age gaps are not the fucking end of the world. They happen irl all the time.

Not every smut writer is an 18+ we have to face the fact that there are teenagers playing the game as well and they are allowed to be attracted to characters their age. Teenagers are gonna be horny just like every other person in this world that isn't asexual or uninterested in sex for other reasons.

Ex: a 16 year old liking the first years or a 17 year old liking the 2nd years. It happens all the time in real life too. Kids liking kids their age or some kids liking ppl maybe a few months or a year older than them.

There are definitely the ppl that shouldn't be writing smut for the first years if they are 18+ as that is weird and concerning but if they are 17 its not the end of the world. I've seen people make the biggest deals over it and honestly look i get it if you feel a little uncomfortable with it but that's not gonna change the fact that it really isn't as big an issue as you are making it out to be.

I am 17 so I tend to write stuff more so for the 2nd years. I usually have a preference towards Floyd since he's one of my favorites but Floyd is my age and as soon as I'm 18 I'm probably not gonna write for him anymore unless the characters actually age by then in game. But I don't intend on taking down anything I write for him or other 2nd years so ppl can still enjoy it.

I'll admit I am even attracted to characters and people older than me sometimes far older a lot of people have had that reaction.

I'm rambling again but truly I think some people over react when it comes to some age gaps and I've seen people react worse to fictional age gaps than real ones and it confuses me a little. Like people will get mad over these fictional age gaps that are like 1 or 2 years apart which is relatively normal and treat it as badly as they do the full on adult characters x minor characters.

Minor x adult is wrong YES!

But and 18 year old x a 17 year old? Or 17 x 16 is really not that bad. I feel like those upper 3 ages are pretty normal but when its 15 and lower I agree that it gets weird. I mean an 18 year old is barely an adult most barely have their lives together and are stressed as fuck.

This is more just me seeing people absolutely rip into younger people for having crushes on fictional characters and I think its ridiculous that they are criticized for writing smut as well as if we don't get horny too. I'm not gonna be all "teenagers are horny we should be allowed to play porn games" no thats something for when we are older but to read or write smut for ppl our age it's ok.

That's my opinion at the very least and I feel that it is reasonable. I apologize though if I've come off as harsh in any way but I'm exhausted and all I keep seeing is people complaining about teens and smut and I felt a little irritated.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst x gn reader #twst x male reader #twst x reader

[callisteios]

How do you make personality quizzes? I adore your questions and results and been wondering how do you make them work.

ummm you know how in maths class they would ask you 'how did you solve this?' and you have absolutely no fucking clue? yeah

most important thing is that i have a theme that i a. know stuff about and b. have ideas/inspiration about.

e.g. greek gods, a topic i know a fair bit about and am very passionate about is an easy one for me.

i like to try and write results first (but i don't always), pick a tone and go with it. funny/sad/surreal etc. if doing a character quiz or whatever that's easier cause you've got set results, you just need to decide what they mean to you first. e.g. zeus is always presented as like the evil one but to me he's a loser ceo who has way too much responsibility and too many chaotic relatives. so write something to that effect. repeat.

it's harder when you're doing something a bit nebulous. for my what are you the god of quizzes.. that took some time. you just got to let creativity strike i guess?

questions are usually easier. i generally don't stick to the theme the entire time, i think it's fun to mix things up. it's especially fun to play with people's expectations. you can spend ten questions asking people their favourite films and still come away with a decent enough understanding of them to tell them something fun about themselves. people like to be surprised

but again the main advice is just, be creative/be inspired. don't force the questions, i think my worst quizzes are the ones where i've just asked stuff for the sake of having a question. it hasn't told me anything new about the person, it hasn't amused them, it hasn't taught them anything. so yeah cut if you're just going through the motions.

also try to break convention where you can, the entire reason i started making quizzes was because i would always take greek god quizzes and get SO PISSED OFF. they all have the same questions

favourite animal [animals commonly associated with the gods ]

what is your temprament [Stormy like the SEAS? peaceful like NATURE? MUSICAL? PASSIONATE?]

do you more value LOVE or LOGIC?

so do not write a quiz where a person who understands the topic can easily game their way into getting the desired answer. even if someone isn't trying to manipulate their result they're exactly aware of what you're thinking. it's dull and uninteresting. write questions about things you know, if all you know is embroidery ask them what their favourite stitch is, if you're a geologist what's their favourite rock, if you like music then what's the best genre. as long as you're interested they should be too

sorry i know most of that was what NOT to do. but like i said at the beginning, i sort of sit down, zone out for a few hours, and find myself with something mostly finished.

Thank you so much for the ask <3 I'm going through a reasonably horrible period at the moment so it's really nice to hear that you like my quizzes!!! i hope this helps you, make a quiz if you ever feel like it! it's actually quite fun. and if you do make one make sure to send it along !

#ask #deaddovehasbeeneaten #i like your url! #im going to stop apologising for writing painfully long answers to asks #i put them under the readmore and i have already demonstrated my incapabilty to not be verbose #it's fine #im NOT sorry