#i am so annoying to myself sometimes

[zhaenya]

literally have to wake up in less than three hours and yet here i am. browsing tumblr. why am i always like this? it's like i have this undeniable urge to just stay awake for as long as possible and then if i do end up falling asleep, when i open my eyes it's already like 3pm. good lord.

#i have no clue how i'm going to function once i get a job #and i KNOW that i can have a good sleeping schedule #i know i can maintain it #i know it would improve both my mental and physical health #but why am i always choosing the worst option? #that being denying myself good things #i always end up doing that no matter what #be it sleep or something else entirely #i am so annoying to myself sometimes

[doli-nemae]

sketches with our chaotic coterie that I forgot to share really love how our coterie works out currently tho I feel like a blind kitten at the game :.D

#vtm #vampirethemasquerade #vampire the masquerade #ravnos #tremere #ventrue #gangrel #vtm ocs #vtm art #vtm oc #artists on tumblr #vtm ravnos #vtm tremere #vtm ventrue #vtm gangrel #dolinemae #they're so fun and the game is awesome omg #i feel dumb OFTEN but I reassure myself with fact that it's my first time playing vtm #AND THAT I'M ONLY 4(??) SESSION IN #i hope i;m doing fine in eyes of others and am not annoying haha #also there's so much stuff on my pc that I haven't posted oh my god #FOR NO REASON BTW #LIKE I DON'T KNOW WHY #it's sometimes just hard to post stuff I guess #char: Sofiia Kotliarenko #char: Winter Wells #friens char: Minah Weissman

[batfossil-fr]

I’ve been really thinking of reopening my art shop soon… I’ve been taking some practice doodles (hence all the posting lately) while I shake off my rust and I’m finding things I enjoy working on again. I miss trying my hand at more dragons/OCs and colors. my shop’s so broken rn lmao but that’s a problem for a later date it’s just nice getting back into art

#my mental health is starting to improve a bit #took a couple years but I found some meds that finally work better for me #ofc things aren’t 100% but I was really in a pit for a while #like ‘did not leave my house in months and slept 14 hours a day’ kind of pit #so. any improvement is better lol. but nah I’ve been making real improvement and im doing better. a lil shaky sometimes but that’s expected #diagnosed with chronic fatigue too. which is unfortunate but not unexpected. i am indeed god’s sleepiest soldier #i feel like a raisin slowly rehydrating but considering i was in a desert before any hydration is welcome #just learning how to enjoy things again overall #one thing I just couldn’t get myself to do (and enjoy) was art. doodles here and there but nothing to post #and it’s kind of funny because I feel like that downtime actually gave me a chance to think about what I wanted to work on #even when I wasn’t actively practicing #just paying attention to things I guess. enjoying art styles #i genuinely think my experimenting with stained is helping me learn colors #i spend hours in the scryshop im glad it’s paying off lmao #i want to tackle bigger things but i just gotta ease myself into the hang of things again #for now im having fun and that’s coooool. thank you all for your nice comments #i read all tags while kicking my feet and giggling. thank u all #that’s the update on Me tho. more to come hopefully #starting next month/julyish I will have a significant amount of time to dedicate to drawing which i intend on doing #so who knooowwwsss #rambles #funny enough coloring has become my favorite part of the process now. it used to be lineart. now lineart annoys me LOL #i also feel like i kinda lost my ability to write which has been frustrating but im focusing on art first #anyways that’s a whole different tangent rant over

[fuckyeah-bears]

Sometimes I just stop and giggle at how incredibly stupidly silly and ridiculous I am with the whole bearotonin, fuckyeah-bears, swearotonin thing. I really am unhinged but I amuse myself sooo much lmfaoo

#I am so ridiculously silly #So dumb #so absurdly unhinged #and yet I can’t stop laughing about it #I am not an intrinsically intentionally funny person in real life #I’m funny because I —my entire life and existence— am absurd not because I try to be funny #Normally I just annoy the fuck out of myself #But I am soooo amused by all this bear nonsense #This complete and utter silliness #I find it so delightfully funny #Sometimes I just gotta sit here and giggle about it #Lmao

[novantinuum]

Anyways, I declare this era as Steven Universe Fixation 2: More Fun, Less Bullshit

#the fandom is more peaceful finally #there's less people being noisy with takes i disagree with #my fics are going to get less traffic thus less chances of rude commenters #i am Not majorly active in any SU servers #i do Not have to deal with my ex friends #instead this is a happy and joyous time for creativity #like legit... i got seven pieces of art done in the past two weeks #and i've written over 5K words since the beginning of the year #it's been so nice to reconnect with old stories #and to start dreaming up new one-shots #i just feel like sometimes i need to grit my teeth and go 'it WILL be different this time' #bc there's nothing i'd hate more than to drag myself into the same patterns and let the same things bother me again #so nope! #we're going to be Better than that #we're going to block when things mildly annoy me #we're going to stop looking at youtube comments #we're going to stop looking through the tags #we're going to focus on creativity instead of comparing to others #so speaketh jen #jen rambles

[sweetandsourcookies]

lying here in bed and thinking abt how alienated out i feel in the cookie run fandom. and then theres a polish sitcom playing in the background from a different room.

#mostly like. i feel so alienated out for like. having such different views of chars. #dark choco is a char i find myself to relate to a lot. i see so much of myself in him. #and yet. i cant get fully interested and that makes me feel. am i even a true fan of his character #if my interpretation is so vastly different from the fandoms #and how his kingdom is probably my least favourite out of all the ancients' kingdoms #for how i feel like ppl and the narrative tend to forget how dark cacaos kingdom is so flawed. #like the whole “no sweet meals” thing. i am not talking abt irl influences and how it impacts the presentation of the kingdom but more like #i feel like ppl tend to perfectionize dark cacao kingdom while ignoring a ton of systematic issues in it. #then theres my opinion on hollyberry. i love her. shes my favourite ancient. but i wish we got a more serious storyline with her #im not all catched up on the lore but i just wish rlly wish we got more of the hollyberry kingdom. and see holly display a wider range of- #-emotions. #i hope the eternal sugar update will get us some hollyberry kingdom angst because i need some more serious characterization for her that r- #-not just snippets #then theres. white lily. i feel like im the only person who liked the fact white lily got her own kingdom and was split into two versions. #it DID come out of nowhere but like. i feel like its sort of more interesting than just white lily being fully DE? #her update was a fiasco with how shadow milk stole the show that was meant to be hers. #but like. so many of my opinions are different than the fandoms that i just cant help but feel like an intruder sometimes #i dont want to sound like a pick me or someone who thinks they r special for being different. because im not. #i do not like this feeling. but i needed to be open abt it ig #cookie chat #theres also like. the lack of proper characterization for carrow besides “good loyal soldier”. #that annoys me as hell too #fyi i DO NOT hate dark cacao kingdom to be clear. i love it a ton. the cultural influences are so interesting and i love the setting. #i just wish ppl didnt brush off a lot of systematic flaws abt it.

[evansbby]

.

#random and emo and will prob delete but #sometimes i feel so lonely in this fandom 😔😭 #like amongst the writers of this fandom I mean #like it feels like all the cevans writers are friends with each other and I’m the local weirdo on the other side like 🤠 #obv I talk to some people and am mutuals with some people whom I loooove but like #idk I’ve always felt this low-key 😂😂😂 #it’s bc I’m so awkward and I think that they all think I’m annoying #like I automatically assume most of the big writer blogs hate me lol #which is deffo just in my head and I’m insane yall know im fucking insane and jump to conclusions 😂😂😂 #but idk sometimes I just feel sooo lonely #well not LONELY bc I love my anons and my mutuals and I’m always on here yapping about something or the other 😅😅 #but I feel like I’m not part of that amazing writer community where everyone’s friends with everyone #MAYBE BC I NEVER FUCKING TALK TO ANYONE BUT THAT IS BC I AM SCARED SO I NEVER PUT MYSELF OUT THERE #😭😭😭😭😭 #but yeah lol #no fr tho why can’t I be normal lmaoooo

[itspileofgoodthings]

so funny because my emotions are a strength of mine (also their strength in particular is a strength) but they’re also a huuuuge weakness and downside and pitfall as well, and not just because they make me suffer. they also just, like, get in the way of so many good things.

#they’re part of my eloquence/persuasive powers! #such as they are #and people respond to the passion! but I actually think they get in my way more often than not #and just make my points so much less valid and interesting #when I can look back at a thing from the vantage of emotional hindsight and talk about it quickly and simply and analytically #when I’m not actively WRESTLING with something I feel like I do my best work #but idk. maybe that’s just how it feels from the inside and isn’t actually so #nah it is so. at least with negative emotions. I am only off-putting and annoying and disagreeable when I’m speaking on a thing negatively #and even positively sometimes that first flush of emotion that’s carrying me along has to die before I can really speak honestly #like me speaking on Jonathan byers with SOOO much overflowing emotion and warmth and love #akksksjdjejejejejejjejeje #but there was stuff I was missing and wouldn’t look at!!! #it was all conviction and warmth but then I was wrong #TLDR: I think I’m most persuasive when the emotion has passed or at least is not immediately present and I’m speaking about things #more rationally #Because I like to think my rationality is still not cold! It’s very alive but it isn’t so weighed down by emotions #It’s why I need to restrain myself from speaking bitterly (at least publicly) when I’m mad about stuff #i just say all the ugliest and in many ways LEAST true things about whatever I’m talking about #even as I’m reaching for clarity #again. Teaching helps with this. #time mellows the first waves of emotion appropriately. still giving my takes life but not overpowering the vision (hopefully) #but then idk. sometimes I have a take and many very very smart people hate it so much #so it’s just like #shrug emoji #Maybe I AM wrong #I can’t be the judge of my own takes turns out. Not really #but I guess I’m learning to have them anyway #if it’s organic and hits me like a wave of revelation #it’s always those takes people hate the MOST though aksjsjejejeje #again except for my students. because they don’t know to hate them so they just follow where I lead (mostly)

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

What would he have made his priorities after being the king? I mean politically? If he had worked at all that is.

GREAT QUESTION it frankly drives me kind of insane that we never get any hint whatsoever about how he’s running the country while he does briefly take over from S&S through R&R. Like what are his POLICIES!! What is he DOING??

But also, realistically, he is not going to cancel wars with the Shadow Fold threat lol. Like that is only the beginning of a really long and drawn out foreign relations catastrophe. I talked about this a little bit in a different context awhile ago but he doesn’t strike me as a character with a firm end goal… ever. There’s always going to be more to do.

But like a civil war is going to fuck up the country no matter what. So I’d assume, regardless, there’s going to be a fair bit of immediate picking up the pieces economically. He doesn’t at all seem like he cares about public opinion, beyond being scary enough so people know not to fuck with him. So he’d probably have no qualms with making drastic and highly unpopular reforms lol.

We really don’t know enough about his stances but he seems to be primarily: a nationalist, an autocrat, prioritizing military strength, distinctly favoring Grisha interests, and also shdhfgfd against industrialization and technological advancement. He also favors the perceived good of the many over the interests and well being of any individual, and is very happy to make sacrifices of many, many lives to achieve fairly petty goals. He's a fantasy fascist basically.

The books somewhat superficially equate him with Russian revolutionary figures. But I don't think there's enough... actual ideology to back that up very much. And rapid industrialization and transitioning the Soviet Union from a primarily agrarian based economy was itself a key part of it? So... he's not much of a Stalin. If we're trying to sus out his policies I could see him being something of an anti Peter the Great, where instead of forced Westernization, you have an incredibly set in his ways immortal autocrat trying to drag everyone back to the values and traditions of his youth. (Which would also make narrative sense, considering Nikolai, as the Darkling-lite foil, seems to have def been based on some aspects of Peter the Great's youth and interest in innovation, if not his personality)

So for example, he seems like he'd favor isolationism. His idea of "peace" is "don't fuck with me or I'll make my monster filled interdimensional rift eat you." And we know Ravka is in intense debt! I could easily see him seizing the nobility's wealth and using it to pay off any debts owed to foreign countries. And then if anything's left over to stockpile resources towards making Ravka more self sufficient. Maybe even melt the gold and silver out of churches to that purpose.

(I forget which historical figure literally melted down church crosses dfghj but that was a thing! iirc incidentally he also stripped the silver from the currency, absolutely destroying its value...)

By RoW he seems to have embraced the entire like religious propaganda side of things. But in the trilogy proper he seems to hate the church. So resources going to it in any way will probs be diverted. And I could even see him gradually trying to repurpose the buildings for other things. They're on the tail end of a civil war, there's probs a lot of displaced people that could be put there for a start.

S&B meanwhile establishes that he has some pretty distinct opinions about how all the Grisha need to pretend to live like peasants so as not to forget their roots or whatever. I think he *would* enact really harsh regulations and reforms on court life just because he hates it so bad lol. Taxes on parties, insane sumptuary laws for everyone but his favored Grisha soldiers. He's had centuries and centuries to hate changing social norms. I think he'd go nuts if given the opportunity to dictate everything. Generally I think there would be a mix of skyrocketing taxes and reforms to an actual purpose (bolstering the economy and stripping material power from the nobility) but also just to be a petty, temperamental autocrat.

Def also criminalizing dissent and making examples of any opposition immediately. Can't have another revolution threatening his revolution. Again, here I'm annoyed by how little the world is fleshed out, because we get nothing about the nobility. Noble families with any sort of longstanding ties or known friendship with the Lantsovs would probs get executed day one. Stripped of titles and lands etc and then taking those and giving them to his own supporters. (Who are they? Good fucking question! He has one Ivan and then even he fucking dies. But realistically... he would have... supporters?)

He'd probs want to get a firmer grip on West Ravka stat, and maybe invest in some military expansion to control more ports. An issue I forever have with the Grishaverse worldbuilding is that it's just so small? There are only like five countries? Trade and foreign policy just aren't going to Look Like That or mimic a nineteenth/twentieth century vibe if there are only five fucking countries dfghjkl but whatever. Whatever.

I could also see him favoring exports over imports. Stopping all trade seems destabilizing af so I doubt he’d go there but seems likely he'd try to decrease any dependency Ravka has on other countries in favor of self sufficiency and isolationism. Maybe taxing imports so bad that it's just not worth it. Regulating the exact details of what can be imported, when, why, etc.

Speaking of the earlier impending foreign relations catastrophe. I think if he’s scary enough he might manage to avoid an all out war on all fronts? Might. Because there’s also a really good case to be made for attacking Ravka while its still weak and reeling from the civil war. But if he’s lucky, the surrounding countries will take a “wait and see” stance. But like there will be consequences eventually. Consider the Shadow Fold an in-universe fantasy nuke in the hands of a power hungry ruler who has zero qualms with any scale of loss of life or just murdering civilians for the lols. He’s proven himself to be unstable and unreasonable so even if there isn’t an immediate declaration of war there is going to be a response to that. No one’s going to be chill!! And like SoC and KoS context tells us that there is parem on the horizon, along with the Grisha super soldiers in Shu Han, the druskelle getting wayyyy more sophisticated and a general trajectory of rapid military industrialization and advancement through out the world. Those are playing pieces that would be on the board regardless, but it’s just going to get so much uglier under those circumstances. And especially with the knowledge and context that the Darkling is completely fucking unreasonable and ready to war crime anyone who looks at him funny.

I guess siding with Fjerda in S&S could hypothetically be advantageous to him here actually? Like we do not know the terms of that alliance at all, and I doubt it would hold for long. But it breaks up the framing of everyone vs Ravka. And opens things up for anyone else to respond by trying to get on his good side against their own enemies. And once again. There are only five countries lmao. So a tense balance of powers situation might be feasible, but I think it would hinge on him not looking like he’s completely insane. Possibly ironic, but the fact that he seems to have only war crimed his own damn country is likely also useful here. Other governments typically don’t care/won’t get involved to a degree of outright declaring war over that. And it leaves some room for arguing that he’s capable of some restraint. So how quickly things go to hell probably depends on whether he goes back on any alliances or makes good on/is cornered into making good on his Shadow Fold threat.

So I don't know, basically I think there's a ton you could extrapolate from his personality, actual world history, and like fascist takeover 101 sdfghj but it's also somewhat unsatisfying to speculate about because it's impossible not to constantly run into thin points in the worldbuilding. But basically I think he would probably rule with an eye for sweeping, harsh reforms, consolidating power, and chipping away at any opposition or potential adversary, with a general decided disinterest in the popularity or lack thereof of any of his policies. And I also think unless someone got him to take a deep breath and chill out for five minutes and relearn the value of diplomacy things would get. how you say. really fucking bad.

This was incredibly unorganized I hope it answered your question at all sdfghj

#every day I am annoyed with myself for having this many opinions #but russian history specifically and general discussions of politics and governance and worldbuilding are unfortunately interests of mine #so. #grishaverse #shadow and bone #grisha trilogy #meta #aleksander morozova #the darkling #I ramble sometimes #all the bendy punctuations #a mysterious stranger has appeared #one day I’ll get better ask tags #I decided on these like ten years ago and have been too lazy to change them since #long post

[brocedesbenz]

life is crazy cause if you'd have told me a couple of years ago that I would be giggling and kicking my feet over a man finishing 2nd on a race, I would have told you to shut up.

I simply wouldn't have believed you

#BUT HERE I AM #giggling over lando's post race interview #I'm so annoying sometimes I surprise myself istg #lando norris #formula 1 #azul yaps f1

[kafkaguy]

havin a gender crisis at the train station lol #epic

#reading some lesbian comics and marvelling at the butch experience.......... and then also going into Brain Explode Mode bcos #of how similar it is to the transmasc experience #understanding why so many trans dudes are like 'oh what im just butch or a very masculine woman' #and butches are like 'oh what if im a trans guy' #THE VENN DIAGRAMS BRO. INTERSECTIONS AND CONNECTIONS AND SHARED EXPERIENCES #we are FRIENDS but also its making me feel all . What If She Pronouns. What If More Nonbinary Than I Thought... #cos the thing IS as a bisexual i do feel like my sexuality and gender identity are so intertwined its sometimes annoying #so i cannot think of it as like Ah Yes I Like Men Therefore Im a Homosexual #its a like. i like EVERYONE therefore i am EVERYTHING cos ALL my attraction feels Gay with a capital G #im gay for women im gay for men im gay for everything in between and outside #but i dont see my attraction to women as attraction to the opposite gender cos i dont see women as Opposite or necessarily separate #and vice versa i dont see my attraction to guys as . excuse the outdated language - 'same sex attraction' #because i dont necessarily see myself as A Man . yknow? #the binary is fucked identity is everchanging and ever molding and i am just a little wavelength of light floating through space #THEREFORE. idk where i was going with this #i just think that queerness and humanity are so much more complicated than any of us realise #and sometimes it is so frustrating and tiring seeing other people like me and wjth the same experiences as me #being so conservative and so assuming and trying to generalise something so personal #i am not Doing Trans Wrong . there is no wrong to be trans imo #and i also think we need to be kinder to detransitioned people + transmasc lesbians / transfem gays + nonbinary bisexuals ok thanks bye

[abstractlesbian]

Find someone slightly annoying but in really small harmless ways so I decide none of the behaviours are worth bringing up with them → realizing: hey, Im also annoying! solidarity! → realizing we have a lot in common and starting to bond → finding out other people find this person annoying and are vocal about it behind their back → finding out this person has ADHD like me that's (at least one reason) why we have all these traits in common → fear.

#trying to be as vague as possible even tho this is someone I know offline and no one involved follows me online #on one level I get it that relying someone who is forgetful and does things slower/differently than you can be frustrating #but like its a medical condition. and u dont need to know someones medical info to have some empathy instead of assuming malice/incompetence #i just found out they have adhd today but day one i was able to go 'wow i did not like the way they handled that but i dont think they were #being hurtful/careless we just handle this task differently. rhey didnt do anything wrong and i can let this go and adjust my expectations' #not to say im perfect and never ableist towards others. my first reaction to seeing traits i dislike in myself (from my disabilities) #in others is often to get annoyed and needing to adjust my thinking #i get annoyed with myself when I cant focus / cant be coherent or concise / cant finish tasks quickly etc #→ get annoyed sometimes when I see others doing that → realize thats not fair to them → realize thats not fair to myself #→ assume good intentions and find ways to communicate/collaborate better with them → get along better and maybe make a new friend! #sorry i am rambling #idk its scary seeing someone being disliked for adhd symptoms/traits that im mostly doing a good job of managing/hiding in this #social environment so far and knowing that could happen to me in the future #but im also like ready to have this persons back #me 🤝 them: prioritizing the wrong tasks and overexplaining things and struglging to get our points across #and not noticing when we talk too loud and forgetting tasks halfway thru etc #not to be that guy but : without love it canmot be seen!!!! #lifes so much better if u just assume ppl arent doing things a certain way to be annoying + let go of / adapt to the thing that are annoying #but not harmful #thats not exactly what without love it cant be seen means but thats one of the ways i apply it in life #just like dont assume malice. assume u dont have all the info. approach ppl/situations with empathy. #or youll make yourself more miserable needlessly #again like only for shit that's not harmful obv #i need to shut up and go to bed

[love-at-first-bite]

Laios wouldn't judge me or make me feel bad for being excited about things I enjoy.

#victor beeps #sometimes i feel guilty for being happy #i hate feeling like too much all the time #i always feel too weird for my best friend. i could tell i was annoying her tonight but switching topics so much #and when i got in i was infodumpping to my mom about resident evil and she just waved me off #we were watching that ''welcome to raccoon city'' movie and it made very grumpy #NOT the topic for today but i do NOT like that movie #just. i wouldn't get rid of my autism for anything it's a part of me and makes me *Me* #but it is still a disability and makes a lot of things hard for me and makes me feel Not So Great sometimes #i love my best friend and gc friends so much but i still feel like i can't be 100% myself around them #but laios would finally be that person! #he'd *get* me. we'd just get each other so well #he wouldn't get annoyed when i spoke really fast and bounced around on topics #he wouldn't wave me off or just want me to shut up #i think i'd finally feel truly loved and accepted and wanted #i didn't expect laios to remind me so much of myself! #to everyone else he's weird and off-putting and annoying #and i am too #but to each other we're so wonderful and perfect #we could be in love with each other in peace without ever worrying that we're too much for the other

[pineware]

i saw some post where people in the comments were talking about their prophetic dreams tendency and it was the first time i've seen so many people speak about that one specific experience i have and i thought oh thank god i'm normal lol..

#my prophetic dreams are always very mundane but #i already have extremely vivid dreams and remember my dreams each day which recently people have told me is highly unusual?? #not sure if that's actually true but. my dreams are vivid so if one of them is 'prophetic' i totally remember it happening in my dream #and since i remember all of them i also get my dream memories mixed in with my irl memories. which can be annoying honestly🤦‍♂️ #i can obviously distinguish them but sometimes it takes me a moment #ooh also. i am rarely ever myself in my dreams. i'm most often a different person or creature. or sometimes i dream in 3rd pov like a movie #oops sorry for rambling i love talking about dreams it's fun

[woolydemon]

i am so apathetic to popular male transformers characters, but i have a simple trick to make me care abt them: i turn them into robot women then i suddenly start seeing their appeal

#grimlock would be so awesome as a butch woman. DO YOU HEAR ME DOES ANYBODY HEAR ME HELLOOOO #also crazy in depth conversation i had abt this made me think abt why i get rlly. apathetic abt popular tf characters #esp when i realize all the popular characters im Whatever abt are all men #but i always have interest in the female ones and also the niche little weird guys #you are looking at rare scrounge fan. rare wheelie fan. and Number 1 Fan of Blurr* #*when hes a dorky weird anxious guy. yknow the ones ppl dont care abt bc hes “annoying” and “ugly” #i dont give as much of a shit abt the handsome cocky racer blurrs #i realize. because tf fandom has a weird thing abt only caring abt how attractive a character is #and tends to gravitate to male characters for that aspect #like lets be real here. there is such a high priority in this fandom for what characters look best in porn. im right. #and ppl love the yaoi robots for that. #and i. am on the aroace spectrum. and do not find as much attraction in men (though i do sometimes. just less so) #so this doesnt appeal to me #so i find myself so incredibly apathetic or a hater to a lot of the tf fandom bc of this #in turn i do not care so much for the popular characters or straight up see them as red flags (admittedly im a bit irrational for this tho) #a lot of times i get a feeling like “ok whats so special abt this guy. its just another conventionally attractive man" it feels boring to m #so that might explain why i become more interested in these characters if they arent men #this is all being said from a nonbinary person that leans more transmasc btw. just noting that. #rando thoughtz

[hundredowls]

silly oc doodle..... ballroom yuri

#ocs #ok so im gonna ramble/complain in the tags for a bit bc i love to complain its mostly not even gonna be relevant to the ocs but anyway ok #yknow that diagram abt art skills thats like ability to see/ability to draw #im at the BAD PART OF IT RN #i wanna draw fanart so bad but then i get annoyed bc the fanart doesnt look as good as the source material GHRG which is a totally #unreasonable thing to think bc source material is drawn by Professionals but you know how it is. Art Hard etc etc complain etc etc #need to do more studies etc etc #i wanna be able to draw really good so i can draw the things i love!!!!! even if its hard and tedious i wanna practise!!!! i love art!!!!!! #dont think about whats easy think about whats fun - bokuto koutarou etc #anyway everyday i am sad i have to sit in front of a desk for 8 hours instead of practising drawing :( i wanna table at a con this year.... #but is there even time..... #ANYWAY this is somewhat relevant bc in an effort to be less hard on myself mayhaps i will try draw more oc things so i dont feel pressure #(self imposed) #to make it perfect kjskjkd #or at least not as much #and hopefully get over my brain's tendency to Compare Everything #i have like 3 vague sets of ocs (one less vague than the others ive posted one of the characters from that on my main art blog before sjdks #these two are from the next less vague set there is a plot premise and some side characters too. shdks #i thought abt them a couple months ago but then i watched strictly ballroom w sophie n i was reminded of them again #anyway im not good at coming up w fully fleshed out stories i just like to doodle ppl n think of random connected scenarios sometimes sdjk #i did a mini free online life drawing course in the break n i tried to apply what i learnt here.... i will keep practising when i can..... #well. if u read all the way to the end. hello :) KJASKA #im going to shower....