#i can never make things simple

[angeart]

for the ask thing: 26 and/or 31

Hi!

26. a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

i'm actually struggling to understand this question. if it's about memories, then yeah, but it's those that i prefer not to think about (it do be like that huh?) - but the question says scenario, so i guess this is about something fictional/play-pretend/could-be? or is it about things that happened again and again? (pls help me understand what you want to know here i am confused by this one sorryy)

31. what type of music keeps you grounded?

this is an interesting question! and i am someone who knows absolutely nothing about putting music in boxes and sorting genres, but i'll do my best to answer!

there's different ways to tackle this, depending on what i need.

if we're talking using music to combat general unease/light anxiety/trying to stay focused? i either defer to my playlists that have a mixture of songs i like in varying tones and genres, orrrr... i go to my musical playlist. which is 50% random encounters, i'll be honest with you, bUT it also has things like markiplier's I don't wanna be free, Gideon's songs, PARANOiD DJ (Smile like you mean it), Frankie (Desert Sand), and Lizzie's and Scott's Deal with destiny, to list a few. Just fun, familiar things.

but.

but.

if we're talking about grounding. as in. not-doing-well grounding.

there are two ways to go about it. one is gentler, which is songs like Cavetown: Talk to me, or The Script: Flares.

then there is what i'd go for if i really need to drown things out. i tried to ask my friend to categorise it, and i guess it'd be indie/some kind of rock? i am not sure if that is helpful, so here are some examples:

Måneskin - Gasoline

Lø Spirit - Mind of Mine

SAINT PHNX - Death of me

Once Monsters - Trapped; Take my throne; House of pain

Seb Adams - Nightmares & Flare guns

Citizen Soldier - Monster made of memories

Three Days Grace - Riot

to make things easier (and also because i realised i do not have these kinds of songs compiled anywhere) i made a makeshift spotify playlist:

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the questions are from this >>ask game<<

#ange answers #trust me to overthink #and go on a tangent #i am good at rambling #i can never make things simple #i am so sorry #i hope this answered the question #pls come ask me more stuff #even if i'm like this <3 #(so sorry)

[wykart]

The elder men spoke low. They took a vote and said no. They turned around real slow. Where did they go? Where did they go? And the question oh, the question: can the kid keep his eyes, if the fire doesn't die? They said no.

They Took a Vote and Said No - Sunset Rubdown

#i do this instead of like. making an animatic lmao. this song is so good. the breakdown!! auughhh #doctor who #dw #thirteenth doctor #the timeless child #fanart #digital art #my art #comic #cause the fire never dies so the kid lost his eyes oh that's how it goes :( #the lyrics on spotify are wrong rip #im embracing cringe and choosing life #you can see how this started very simple and then I started putting Effort in rip #so OTHER things can stay alive you say.. much to think about #never getting over this one boys. I'm still deep in the trenches #weeping angels division agents mouri age of shadows something something tardis great house loom. you're welcome #I think this song is about soldiers going to war to prop up empires or something??? which is also fitting

[milfygerard]

but fr outside of my contracted madness i absolutely refuse to give joe alwyn gold rush like how is that song at all related to their relationship the lyrics clearly spell out a relationship that either never existed or only existed in implication and fantasies and maybe-maybe nots and its so bitter and yet desperately soft in the bridge where it almost projects a sense of envy, of wanting to be them as much as you want them. It continues an interesting oft ignored lyrical trend of taylor wanting just as much to be her lover as to have them, envying their easy charisma (you were flush with the currency of cool/i was always turning out my pockets) or quiet dignity (your integrity makes me seem small) dating back to her earliest songs (the kind of flawless i wish i could be). Theres a projected self hatred and yearning to be better that twists itself into both romantic and sexual lust for her partners thats so fascinating and speaks to how all of her songs regardless of who theyre about are also an act of self reflection on who she is and who she wishes to be.

#barry.txt #taylor swift #putting this in the tags as a form of self protection but make no mistake this is a gay thing to do especially in gold rush #which through simple context clues is Obviously About A Woman or maybe even women in general #whivh is a totally seperate post on how taylor constructs and uses gender identity in her music #her girlhood and femininity are earnest but also so carefully constructed and so high effort and kind of desperate #shes a deeply self concious and obsessive person who never looks comfortable in anything ever unless shes #onstage or like. by herself in loose jeans and a tshirt #i think thats one of the things that subconsciously irritate ppl when it comes to her shes constantly and clearly putting in effort #to appear As The Celebrity Taylor Swift and struggles not to self censor or overperform in interviews (when she gives them) #especially present in pre 1989 interviews where the interviewers really didnt have to respect her or worry abt how they frame her #if they didnt want to. Like the fearless era rolling stone interview where she almost has a meltdown over her mom buying eggnog instead of #milk. That whole interview is strange looking back not just bc of the weird misogyny but also because of what it does share #taylor is....weird. She has a strange and desperate vibe and always reacts slightly too much and uses slang poorly #shes media trained and has learned how to socialize but you can feel her discomfort whenever she doesnt have a guitar in her hand #idk these tags have once again gotten so unweildy. i just find it interesting that she finally feels some level of comfortable #in sharing that construction w us in songs like mirrorball and mastermind and imo gold rush #and scene #should i write this up and put it in the swiftieism zine #i should write something and put it in the swiftieism zine

[zishuge]

Today I gave myself feels thinking about Fang Duobing, Di Feisheng, and Hulijing moving on and aging in a world without Li Lianhua. A world where Li Lianhua isn't there — but then again, he is there, in Lianhualou, and in the townspeople who flock to it, bearing gifts for the miracle doctor who once saved a life, fixed a roof, exposed a conman, comforted a child. Young Fang Duobing used to want to know every little detail about his hero, Li Xiangyi. Now Fang Duobing wants to know every detail about his beloved friend, Li Lianhua. The years pass and fewer people come. But if they remember him, Li Lianhua lives on.

(long post, half meta, half fic, bittersweet)

They travel together, with Hulijing, in Lianhualou. Fang Duobing has nothing better to do, so he takes up detective work again. Di Feisheng has nothing better to do, so he comes along. Everywhere they go, they look for Li Lianhua. And in their journeys, it seems like everywhere they go, someone is talking about Li Xiangyi. Li Xiangyi, who had always been something of a legend, but ever since his reappearance and subsequent (re)disappearance, has seemingly been elevated into something approaching godhood.

you should've seen him, people say, floating across the rooftops in red, cold and beautiful, like an avenging hero out of some novel. wasn't he dead? no — of course he wasn't, li xiangyi would never have been so easily killed. but it was bicha poison, i heard nobody could survive bicha poison. yes, he was definitely dead, and came back to life through dark magic. no, he'd been alive the whole time, just held captive by di feisheng. he tried to kill his shixiong ten years ago and failed, and came back to finish the job. no, his shixiong tried to kill the emperor and li xiangyi came to stop him. the emperor? impossible. yes — don't you know, li xiangyi is the emperor's long-lost son?

All of it only amuses Di Feisheng, but it irks Fang Duobing. The same Fang Duobing, who, when he was younger, would've hungered for every little detail about Li Xiangyi and begged to hear more, now finds it maddening to listen to these strangers talk about him as if they knew him. The world might have known Li Xiangyi, but it had never known Li Lianhua.

Li Lianhua, who could wield Shaoshi like it was a natural extension of his arm, but regularly cut his fingers clumsily slicing radishes and onions. Li Lianhua, who would invariably try to shrug off an attack of bicha poison, but yelped and jumped back from hot oil splatters in the kitchen like a child. Li Lianhua, who frowned when a passing carriage splashed mud onto his robes, but knelt carelessly into the dirt and grass to play with Hulijing.

None of them knew any of that.

But as Fang Duobing and Di Feisheng continue their travels, they begin to encounter other people as well. People who come running when they see Lianhualou in the distance tottering their way. People who come bearing gifts — a woman looking for the shenyi who had helped her with her back pain and also exposed the con artist who had tried to trick her daughter into marriage. A young man coming to thank the doctor who had given his father herbs for stress while uncovering the corrupt official who had falsely accused him of theft. An elderly couple looking for the young man who had helped them thatch their roof before a rainstorm and had given them some medicinal cream before he left. (One middle-aged man with a club, looking for the wangba quack doctor who had exposed his infidelity to his wife — he had left after one look at Di Feisheng, standing silently in the doorway with his arms folded across his chest and dao strapped across his back.) People who greet Hulijing like an old friend.

Fang Duobing listens eagerly to every story they tell him, and in return, he tells them about his brilliant, kind, exasperating friend. Di Feisheng rolls his eyes every time, but Fang Duobing notices he never walks away either. They don't talk about it. But it’s as if Li Lianhua returns, however briefly, during those visits; in those moments, Fang Duobing can almost see him standing there, bending down to pet Hulijing alongside these old friends as she grins her little doggy grin and wags her tail. She escorts their guests to the door, and sits in the doorway after they leave, looking out at the world as though waiting. He doesn't ask if Di Feisheng can see him too. They sit and share wine after these visits, and eat the fruit that the visitors bring, until Di Feisheng can stand the heavy silence no longer and pushes Fang Duobing outside to spar. Hulijing follows faithfully, as always.

(fang duobing had brought home a puppy, once. he can't remember where he found it, but he remembers that he had held it in his lap in his wheelchair, eager to show it to his uncle before taking it home to his mother. his uncle had glared, and told him that dogs were only useful to guard the house, and tianji manor already had guards, human ones, and that fang duobing would do better to focus on his swordplay rather than waste time on such useless and frivolous things. he had taken the puppy away and fang duobing had never seen it again. it wasn't until those blurry months as he rode across the countryside looking for li lianhua, hulijing trotting along ever so loyally at his side, that he realized this was just another way that shan gudao and li xiangyi were opposites.)

The years pass, and there are fewer and fewer people who come. One day Fang Duobing wakes up with the unbearable realization that he is now older than Li Lianhua had ever been, would ever be, and is unable to get out of bed for a good half a shichen. Di Feisheng leaves him be.

The years pass, and Di Feisheng grows older too. There are lines on his face, snowy white beginning to thread through his jet-black hair. Fang Duobing wants very much to tease him about it, but the words catch in his throat when he looks too closely at the signs of time on Di Feisheng's face. What a precious and altogether rare thing it is, to age.

The years pass, and Hulijing grows older too. Fang Duobing finds that more and more often, Hulijing can no longer keep up with him when he goes riding. He stops going riding. She gets cold more easily now too, and more and more often Fang Duobing wakes in the morning with Hulijing curled up under the covers next to him, her wet nose shoved into his armpit. He holds her close and thinks about Li Lianhua shivering in his arms.

--------------------

It's been nearly a year since their last visitor, but today there is an old man. He comes in the morning, bringing a basket of plums. A long time ago, he says, a young man who lived here saved my life. I had been poisoned, he says, by my son who wanted my money and my lands. The doctors said there was no cure. But then the young man came and performed a miracle. He saved my life. He saved my life.

Fang Duobing knows it was no miracle that saved him. He asks for the old man's hand and it is given readily, albeit bemusedly. He presses his fingers to the inside of the man's wrist, and is greeted with a whisper-faint, gentle thrum of yangzhouman — a soft hello from a much-beloved friend. You fool, he thinks dazedly, caught somewhere between overwhelmed that here is someone, inside whom a piece of Li Lianhua lives on, and so bitterly angry. What had it cost? Some hours, days, weeks? He doesn't let himself think of what another week might have afforded them in those wild final days, in their desperate search for a cure. Fang Duobing gives the old man back his hand and blinks back the sting of tears. He cannot talk about Li Lianhua today. He apologizes and tells him that the man he is looking for is traveling and won't be back for a few days, but that Fang-mou will pass on the message. Before he leaves, the man leans down to rub at Hulijing's ear. My old friend, he says, like me, you, too, are truly old now.

After the man leaves, Fang Duobing folds himself into a sit on the floor of Lianhualou and gathers Hulijing into his arms. Gently — her joints are stiff now, and he can't haul her around, can't roughhouse with her the way he used to. Di Feisheng comes down the stairs from where he had been listening; he stands behind Fang Duobing and places a warm, steady hand on his shoulder. At the edge of his vision, near the door, Fang Duobing can see the hazy hem of green robes. If he looks up, he wonders brokenly, what would he see? The face of a man forever frozen in youth? Or a face lined with age, snowy white beginning to thread through jet-black hair? He suddenly finds that he cannot bear to find out.

Fang Duobing knows. He knows that the myth and the outlandish rumors about proud, arrogant, beautiful Li Xiangyi will never die. But he also knows that one day, there will be no one else who comes to Lianhualou; no one left who remembers gentle, sly, infuriating Li Lianhua. One day, the old man will pass on and the piece of Li Lianhua that he carries with him will fade as well. And one day�� Fang Duobing presses his forehead against the soft fur of Hulijing's neck where it has gone white and thin with age. He closes his eyes and breathes.

--------------------

Years and years and years later, Fang Duobing is awakened from where he has fallen into a light doze reading in his chair by a soft knock on the door. There is a woman standing outside, holding a small basket of pears. I think I remember this building, she says. I must've only been six years old, but I had run off and lost my parents. I fell down in the street and skinned my knees. A kind gege helped me and gave me a piece of candy. He said he would walk me home but I said I didn't know whether I should tell him where I lived. He laughed and asked if it would help if I knew where he lived. He pointed to the most fantastical and wild house I had ever seen. I think it was this place. Xiansheng, does he live here? Who was he? Do you know him?

Fang Duobing smiles and invites her inside. On the bed, the small white dog that Di Feisheng has named, ridiculously, Baigujing, raises her head and thumps her tail a few times in hello. Di Feisheng looks up from where he is writing a letter at the table. Fang Duobing leads the woman over and waves at her to sit down. He sits across from her, ignoring Di Feisheng's eyeroll, and offers her a piece of candy. He always keeps candy around. Fang Duobing smiles once more and says, if you'd like to know — there is so much I would like to tell you.

#i just... the idea that xiaobao just wants li lianhua to live in any way he can #if he can't live on in reality xiaobao will make damn sure he lives on in someone's memory #something something you die a second death when there is no one left to remember you something something legacy #one day there will only be fang duobing and di feisheng #fang duobing who was li lianhua's friend #and di feisheng who was li xiangyi's equal #but it is not this day #i hurt myself #mysterious lotus casebook #cw: pet death #it's only very vaguely mplied but just in case #my ramblings #how long does transferred inner power stay in someone else's body? *shrug* #that's probably not how the force works #i write economic research for a living why am i suddenly writing mlc fic i haven't written fic in 10 years THE BRAINROT IT IS REAL #in my mind these are simple townspeople not caught up on jianghu things & thus never knew that li lianhua was li xiangyi - whoever that is #baigujing is “white bone spirit” from journey to the west bc i thought di feisheng would find it funny #but did journey to the west even exist yet in lhl time? probably not? IDK i'm uncultured.

[uncanny-tranny]

A really sinister aspect into how people view children and parents is the idea of children being a replaceable commodity.

I've seen this in the way people talk about parents who have lost children but have surviving children... "Oh, at least you have other children," as though a child is just an interchangeable tool, a machine that dispenses what you want from it without it being sentient, whole, and feeling. The fact that people say that in order to comfort somebody shows, to me, how deep this mindset is engraved in people's brains: children are interchangeable items, and they do not fundamentally matter.

#youth rights #child death tw #child death mention tw #grief tw #death tw #death mention tw #ask to tag (genuine) #i won't get into specifics but it's been a huge problem and something you notice if you've gone through it/have a loved one going through i #and it's insulting to the child's memory but also to their siblings... #...because you are treating them like the back-up child. the spare tire. the third wheel. the one who is only cherished when they are Of Us #no longer are they a person. no longer are any of those children actual humans. they're just Things To Be Toyed With #how could that not make you sick to your stomach to even *think* about saying to the bereaved? #i don't think this is just a one-off statement but rather is indicative of a larger problem #because there is a Reason people think it comforting to say 'oh but you have OTHER children; chin up! 😊' #it honestly makes me sick to have even written this post because of how horrific the subject is #but it's still... we need to change this shit. this is plain cruelty. plain and simple. thoughtless and distant cruelty #and yes: people say this to be compassionate and are almost never cruel in their reasoning for saying this... #...that is the PROBLEM though. the problem is that it's seen as OKAY to say this to people whose lives have been destroyed in one fell swoop #the problem's that it's seen as OK to turn children into collectible objects that you can 'get over' like you get over losing a broken glass

[depressedhatakekakashi]

I’ve seen a lot of characters who fit into the ‘grumpy/closed off’ role associated with hating sweets by fandom

And i don’t get it cuz we have one canon character who hates sweets (Kakashi) but he’s also one of the biggest dorks

Nothing states Sasuke hates sweets

Or that Gaara hates sweets

In fact, i think we should headcanon them as loving sweets because they deserve some lil treats. Gaara going out for the first time with his siblings and getting a sweet little treat in Suna that he has never had before, and finding he loves it because it tastes good but also this is one of his first genuinely good memories

#i just find it weird #why? #grumpy characters can like sweets #they don’t need to hate them and it’s weird to see them always being portrayed by fandom as hating them #kakashi canonly has sensitive tastebuds #so it makes sense he doesn’t like overwhelmingly sweet things #dudes fav foods are grilled fish and eggplant #he likes simple foods #the same cannot be said for Sasuke and Gaara #we have no cannon proof they would hate sweets #let them enjoy sweets #choose a happy go lucky character to hate sweets #maybe naruto hates sweets because he never had a lot growing up and now it’s too overwhelming on his taste uds

[iangallagherisadeadman]

post-s11 Tami definitely gets tired of Lip and leaves him.

yes, I do like them as a couple, I think it is an interesting dynamic and that Tami is good for him honestly, even though they lived completely different lives and crash so many times because of it throughout the last seasons.

fact is Lip won't ever change and will keep making the same kind of mistakes and she will get fed up with it eventually. they'll go different ways, maybe keep a somewhat friendly relationship, and she will get a new partner and Lip will have a Sean kind of relationship with Fred: that kid is the most important thing in his whole life and he's constantly hunted by the fear of drinking again and hurting Fred.

#headcanon? #its not that i desire lip to be unhappy and unlovable i just feel like he wont get his happy ending living the way he is #making the decisions hes making treating people the way he does #i feel like he is going to mature by the power of love because of fred i truly believe that #also no fucking way hes going to be poor for the rest of his life hes a genius and a southside he will get up and fix this up #i like him as a mecanic but that one s11 scene that he saves that dude a lot of money in the computer doing a super simple thing #means to me hes not done with the whole engineer thing. he just will need lots of money and labs he used to have acess at college and doesn #anymore but he will do whats necessary and turn things around definitely #maybe he thinks he can pull this off without going back to college and eventually realises he cant and then has to try to pick up his credi #and finish somewhere near? i dont know i dont understand lots about US educational system #honestly my dream is for him to work for debbie so she could be his boss it would be his life karma and make her happy #but that would never happen unfortunately #lip gallagher #tami tamietti #fred gallagher #shameless #shameless us #og. #fic idea

[craycraybluejay]

yes i am an adult male who loves high school dramas this is because i literally never experienced normal coming of age drama like ever and am disconnected from the collective experience of having a relatable peer group forever hope that helps

#i JUST want to experience high school #without like. my whole shitty life thing having gone on #i want to go to high school and have stupid drama and sexuality crises and worries about grades #not... That #i never had that im never going to have that #can i get (one) permission to go a little crazy if i survive into a university #fuck everyone befriend and be-enemy everyone get all up in peoples stupid mind numbingly low stakes drama #i want that sweet golden experience where the worst thing ill ever fear is annoying my classmates #or accidentally spilling something on someone at a dance #i deserve it i deserve to have had a childhood and a young adulthood and a life #i deserve to have dealt with unserious issues to prepare me for bigger ones #rather than serious danger that leaves me permanently severed from normal people and life #and makes me incapable of reacting proportionally or finding it in me to care about less serious problems #like yes it sucks your mom is going to miss college graduation #but i thank my lucky stars that you are not dying or being abused or starved or beaten or exploited #i literally dont know how to take things seriously a lot of the time like im not able to even if i try #because to me the mildest real problem is someone purposefully isolating you and ruining your health #the MILDEST #i try to care ab simple stuff i really do i just CANT #and it sucks so much trying to be a good friend and kind feeling like i cant do enough #the loud thought 'i wish that hapoened to me/i wish i worried about that/i wish the people i love only had that as a problem' #i get so envious. like thank fucking god your parents divorced like normal adults when it should be over #thank fucking god that 'friend' cut you off when they were actively insulting you and betraying your trust #thank the fucking universe that shitty partner dumped you before you fkn hurt yourself over them #yk? #and its a 'mean/cold' way to think about it but i just dont have the capacity to think or feel the little picture #i can imagine my friends subjected to such horror even tho i dont want to

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

The New Titans #55 (1989)

Batman (2010-) #641

…

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2016-) #6

…

…

…

Batman and Red Hood (2011-) #20

…

Batman (2016-) #138

They sure do bAT&Tman. They sure as hell do.

Yet Jason never thought this way about you.

#Don’t you dare kill them with a simple headshot Jason! I have to keep them alive so I can torment them until they wished they were dead #they’ll never use their hands again. this is the superior way #and you should follow in my footsteps as any self-respecting non-criminal vigilante would in order to keep your conscience squeaky clean #also how dare you not be more understanding of the fact that I completely betrayed your trust #and threw your unhealable trauma in your face and shamelessly admitted to it #after I slit your throat in front of the murderer responsible for that same trauma while he laughed in your face a few years back #god you are a terrible son u are so selfish everything I ever said about you while u were dead was true ur being such a burden rn #also I just love how in batman 640 Bruce was going around interrogating Ollie and Clark (ppl who died + came back) #to find a *~rational~* explanation for how Jason was even here #instead of yk. just being glad your child is alive #and when Damian died he does all this shit to Jason to figure *how to* bring Dami back #after he burned his artwork the same way he emptied out Jason’s room #god you flaming turd of a father never change #the fact that lobdell boiled down Jason’s reasoning to ‘he’s the bad guy and you’re the good guy Jason’ #already shows we’re starting off on the wrong foot but #Jason coming back to Bruce in every new comic and saying the same ‘I tried it your way. or sucks’ thing is so silly because #it* #he already learned that decades ago #all the way back in batman 424 lol #you’re just. making him. look like an idiot. but yk what maybe that’s still better than the self-deprecating diversion bs #that’s actually convincing more people ‘yay Jason want redemption this is revolutionary & has definitely never been done a billion times b4 #and is a step in the *right* direction’ #my post

[finexbright]

.

#anyways since i haven't been controversial on main in a long time #notice niall's promo : using his platform for fan engagement and just focussing on the music and making it drive and take off #like he's been teasing it for some time and then he got his industry friends to do some promo #and he can casually talk about kissing lewis capaldi or 1d or harry or louis or anyone #and how even though he has a quite long term girlfriend never once has that relationship been a focus of things #never once has his private life or any aspect of it been a focus of promo. or even his golf career as a matter of a fact #the story is simple : he is releasing an album and he's gonna talk about music that's it #now notice harry or louis' album cycles : always focus on relationships and private lives and barely any talk about the music #or how to drive that music and make it the main aspect of promo cycle #you can argue that harry is a bigger name and people would care about his private life but like. b/w niall and louis clearly niall is more #known and still he never needs to speak about his relationships or personal lives #you can also look at literally any other artists album cycles : dua lipa. taylor. ariana. lizzo. beyonce. literally anyone #and none of their album cycles revolve around their relationships and private lives #which just goes to show just how much harry/louis' teams want to drive it into everyone's heads that they're straight. when they're not #even zayn!! yeah he's never really in the spotlight but none of his album cycles have revolved around his relationship #including mind of mine which as we all know came out when he was linked to both perrie and gigi #i just find it fascinating how these people came from the same band but their album cycles are so different. #niall's album promo cycle vs harry + louis' album promo cycle and the clear stark difference between them. fascinating

[iron-sides]

shaking and frothing at the mouth like a small rabid dog. i have thoughts about the perfect court that do not and cannot exist in any language but what's important here is that you HAVE to under that fundamentally. fundamentally riko moriyama is a scared little boy who has been told since birth that he is nothing, and that the only way he can change this is to be the best: he can be the best or he can be nothing, and the default state here is nothing. and he knows somewhere deep in his gut that he will never be the best. he grew up with kevin day and saw the way kevin lived and breathed exy and knew there was something different about him, knew that they way kevin lived and breathed exy was somehow more than the way he did. and so he lied, he drew numbers on their faces he beat kevin down however he could because he could not stand to be nothing ever again. and it still wasnt enough.

#GODDDDD IM SO NORMAL ABOUT HIM!!!! WORST GUY EVER FOR REAL #DESPERATE TO FEEL IN CONTROL OF ANYTHING HE CAN BECAUSE HE CAN NEVER CONTROL THE IMPORTANT THING #which is to say he will never understand WHY kevin is better than him. because the answer is so simple and so contradictory to everything #he has ever known: #fundamentally riko plays exy because he needs to be something more than nothing. fundamentally kevin plays exy because he LOVES it because #he knows nothing else because its what he has left of his mom because he is incredibly autistic about it #and that level of love of fondness of drive of passion is not something riko will ever have #because riko doesnt love EXY #he loves BEING THE BEST. he loves the spotlight the attention the being more than nothing #this is why hes better with the media than kevin: he plays exy For This and kevin does media For Exy #aaaaaaa. anyway <3 #riko man. im so normal about him #my thots #aftg #also i think its important to understand that (i think) (to me) kevin KNOWS THIS #he knows exactly why riko does the things he does and thats why he makes so many excuses for him #because that's his brother. because it isnt rikos fault he was raised to believe he could be the best or nothing #but its not kevins fault that hes the best. and its not jeans fault he exists #<- because it was never about jean. it was never even about kevin! they were both collateral damage #of the way tetsuji raised riko #and im not totally sure how much of that jean knows ill have to read tsc again #but yeah. anyway ^-^ #kevin day #riko moriyama

[presiding]

What is your favourite thing about Billie Lurk?

(Answers are obvious possibly but i love when people talk about her👍)

thanks for the ask!! YEAH ME TOO I love when people talk about Billie! I can't say I have a favourite thing specifically, but I can explain why she's my fav. apologies for not taking this qn literally, but -

short answer: she’s really cool

& you can stop reading there, or, for the maybe 2 mutuals who might have time to read this my thoughts on her as a character, her meta, and her character as raw potential...

long answer:

i considered making this entire thing a gush so you could read a gush about Billie. but, part of what draws me to her is that she’s not always well written, and in fandom she’s underrated for a literal protagonist.

since you ask...

billie is a cool character

when I played Dh2 (hadn't played Dh1), I was excited to see a black woman with disabilities who was captaining a massive ship by herself. wow.

then I discovered Billie’s backstory with Deirdre, the way she responded to that, then having to survive while living on the run, and her bisexuality. as well as her history with daud & delilah. fascinating!

she’s an outsider who has so much to lose, and knows what it's like to lose everything - having lost everything not once but three times - but nevertheless speaks truth to power. she's so brave! she went and helped Emily & Corvo and she must have known they might kill her! plus, she’s smart, she’s funny, she gets shit done, she’s gorgeous.

but... the meta

mild critique of fandom & arkane incoming.

skip this bit if you want - you've been warned twice now - jump to tired Hayao Miyazaki and read from there if you'd like my thoughts on writing her.

i thought Death of the Outsider was going to be amazing and then... well. *sad trombone* i've written about that before so i won't keep banging on. i figured others must be disappointed too, so I joined a few fandom spaces in hopes of finding camaraderie.

most people with complaints about DotO didn’t like how the Outsider and Daud were handled. which is valid & I agree. but it seemed like most paid no attention to Billie; when people talk about her it’s with respect to Daud, as opposed to in her own right. you could argue for fandom misogyny because people don’t talk about adult Emily Kaldwin that much either, but in Billie's case, it’s misogynoir (compare & contrast with the popularity of thomas, particularly the popularity of thomas portrayed as a white man for no particular reason that i've been able to discern - i keep asking around, is it in the books???).

i think this is a LOT better now than it used to be, which is fantastic. or perhaps i have found the correct echo-chamber? ha.

ultimately, The Fandom is a fraction of the entire picture, and not even the important bit since The Fandom is not who these games are made for. you can't make money relying on only your hardcore fans even if all of them spent a fortune on merch, this is true for any AAA game.

while it's true that Billie is underrated from a fandom perspective - but Billie as an underwritten protagonist is squarely Arkane’s fault.

it was reasonable when she was a side character - the lack of info in Dh2 makes perfect sense (if anything there was more lore in Dh2 which is kind of wild)-

- but as a protagonist in Death of the Outsider?

.... there’s lousy writing, and there’s whatever is going on with Billie Lurk, a black woman who mostly exists as a foil or saviour for light-skinned characters. In her own game there’s barely any of her own lore except where it's relevant to saving two dudes.

lore hints at, but barely touches on what race means in the Dh universe (xenophobia is stronger in Dh1; separate essay i guess), but Arkane has patted themselves on the back for portraying non-white characters, which feels like the same thing as the aesthetic of diversity we're seeing in advertising currently because it’s in marketing trend guides. it's self-congratulatory and it's a missed opportunity for deeper storytelling.

you can see an example of diversity at its most shallow in the way that Billie’s written: there’s little engagement with her as an entire person with history & wants & preferences, and the world she walks through in that game feels like it has nothing to do with her. you could make a case for alienation as a theme, but then, how do you handle the titular premise of 'Dishonored' without ever letting Billie make changes in an environment without a chaos system? it's disappointing from that angle too.

in my opinion, whatever it's worth, it was an accident Arkane created such an awesome character - they needed someone to betray daud. congrats billie.

all this said, it makes her an underdog as far as characters to enjoy & create art & stories for. it's nice to find so many like-minded, switched on people! <3

billie's character potential

she’s got a wealth of unexplored lore, being deeply intertwined with both Karnaca & Dunwall’s fates & criminal underbellies, as well as her connections to the witches & whalers, and three Empresses.

she’s lived a few distinct lifetimes and in the games we get to meet her at two peaks (KoD & DotO) & a low (Dh2 as Meagan).

her voice is very distinct, her dry & often dark humour is entertaining & fun to write. her perspective is really interesting - she’s had the widest variety of void-powers of anyone canonically, and she’s also lived through the highest highs and lowest lows.

she's got everything going for her :) i couldn't really pick a fav thing!

#i assume my followers are cool enough to let me give a brief measured critique on fandom trends and DotO #thanks for the anon question!! what fun! #i love billie lurk <333 #jumped on the opportunity to rant n rave #what part of billie isn't my fav! (im a guy who likes the bad stuff too. mmm interesting meta) #trying to be not unfair or mean- i'm not targeting anyone but rather trends. and it's ok to be disappointed with something you love #fuck it. make it part of the appeal! her writing sucks! plenty of room for me & other creators! #its easier for me to indulge my billie brainworms when it sorta feels like she's not getting as much love as she deserves #you know? i want stories where her history is explored and her agency is important so i guess i'll roll up my sleeves #tumblr is a terrible place for this sort of critique IMO- lots of nuanceless empathy-free guilt-trip-ish rhetoric #so i hope i avoided that. but not so much that i seem forgiving. #that said i'm not tagging this one with fandom tags! no thank you. #i am blaming arkane yes. but that is also not without games industry context #i could complain about amateurish writing but that also never happens in a vacuum. industry problem(s) for sure. #people love to blame writers for things #and yeah a couple really fucking good writers can push a boulder uphill #but its usually a company problem #hire lots of diverse people in your company. give them authority and respect and reasonable workloads. and no crunch. #ah fuck this is a separate essay in tags. again #THIS WAS A SIMPLE QUESTION #*clutches head in hands* #uh if you're still reading at this point im SO sorry and thank you and i love you

[izzyspussy]

i think a lot of people have never been in a truly desperate situation but think they have, and this causes them to pass really harsh judgment on people who made bad choices when either irrational or having no good choices to pick instead, and i really wish people could get some fucking self-perception and work on their compassion skills and not fucking do that as much anymore

#jack facts #people be banging on about empathy this empathy that #and like sure maybe people have a measurable capacity for it but i can tell you what #that sure as fuck don't mean any fucking one of them ever bothers to make use of it when it matters lol #and i mean on the other hand it's hard to conceptualize how you would feel going through something you've never experienced before #i just wish people would be AWARE of the fact they don't know! #or like that there's a difference between ''i can't afford anything but instant ramen'' and ''i can't get any food or water'' #or a difference between being freaked out by spiders and having clinical arachnophobia #or a difference between ''my loved one is sick and i'm really worried about them'' and ''my loved one is dying in front of me'' #etc etc etc etc etc #anyway the longer i live the more i'm convinced that empathy is a garbage concept #and actually a more reliable way to act with true compassion is through at least some capacity for relative objectivity #the ability to say ''i don't know how that feels and i cannot understand it through comparison'' and to be able AND WILLING #to take people's self reports on their feelings thought processes or lackthereof in good faith and with sympathy #and also the ability to acknowledge that doing a bad thing for good reasons does not negate the bad thing being bad #but also should and does change what consequences are appropriate and/or most effective #and also like............... things people do in desperation or other irrational states do not represent Who They Are As A Person #or what it's like to hang out with them in a day to day situation #another thing i keep getting more and more aware of is like. if y'all can't even handle an irrational or impulsive choice that does harm #done by an otherwise ''good'' person under short term desperate situations #that they then do their best to reduce the harm of after the situation is over #i can not even imagine how absolutely unforgiving you must be of anyone who has delusions #and i mean real delusions and real psychosis not the hyperbolic babytalk version lol #like i don't think most of you even know what the fuck a delusion even is the way you act about things as simple & straightforward as like #fear. hunger. pain. #absolutely fucking exhausting

[torosdottir]

wish someone would hurry up and come up with a quick and easy definition of the word "love" and solve so many of my problems

#i feel like i love so many people but i struggle BAD to express it bc. i dont know what that means to them #it feels often like people take it to mean some deeper thing that i never mean at the same time they do #maybe i am simple in many definitions of the word. ive had entire fallings-out with people about it. #people say love is hard love is work people will say they can love someone but not even like them at times #i dont understand it. it leads me to believe i am lacking in this mystical 'love' they describe #but i feel full of love. #i AM simple i feel like i love people the way i love music and food and drink and. idk colours and warmth and. simple things!! #i think it means when something makes you happy!! when you enjoy it when u want it around! #but many people equate it with. things that i would describe differently. #whjatever i just want to tell a million people i love them but i want them to know what i mean. #i mean sure i care for u sure i dont want anything bad to happen to u but i feel that way about almost every human! #what i really mean is u bring me joy and i ENJOY being around u its not hard it doesnt make me feel bad or guilty its good!!! #anyway whatever anthony green just wants me to set myself alight on a fucking pyre. friends in my phone i love u..

[luvring]

i totally get being annoyed/frustrated w x reader writers not adding read mores or tagging properly but hating on them Just Because they write x reader is craazyyy to me like what is inherently wrong w that. u can say u think a lot is written poorly but that has nothing to do w the basic act of writing x reader fics

#💬nia.rambles #x reader #// Rant !!!! #im doing my best to use the 'x reader' tag now / keeping off other tags etc etc but like #JUST for the Act of writing x reader . as if that is such a horrible stupid baffling thing #also. the thing abt being poorly written #like . theres a lot of writing out there that u can consider poorly written. #and in basically any other circumstance id see way more support for beginner writers / writing what makes u happy / etc #just. not here i guess. #like i GET the read mores and tagging. every time i see someone not add a read more i get annoyed #i used to use the main tags btw so My Bad srsly. i get it. its understandable #but like. mannn. u guys hold a lot of illogical levels of hatred in ur hearts i simply dont see the point of #esp if ur fine w ocs or play dating sims/done an optional romance route or have daydreamed abt a fictional chara etc #u r One Maybe Two steps away from the x reader community. at some point u have Understood/Stepped inside. some of u are LITERALLY in it #smth as simple as making hcs abt how a chara would react to smth is literally x reader behaviour like. jesus. let people be happy #also theres so many genuinely good x reader fics. like theres so many skilled creative ppl in this community #sorry if u never experienced nor will experience that. 2nd person pov can b difficult but pays off if done well imo #i dont usually take the aggression towards x reader to heart but it has definitely ruined my day before LOL

[lucalicatteart]

Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 4: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression

(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)

The winning option of yesterday's poll was that the adventurer should offer the Well Creature some bread and soup ….

"Completely unsure how to even begin to interact with the strange creature from the well, The Adventurer recalls reading in a book once that 'food is a universal language', or uh.. something like that.. thus, some hearty soup and bread would surely bridge any communication barriers... probably. He serves the little cannister of broth cold, straight from his bag just dumped into a wooden bowl, mostly because he's far too nervous to try and start a fire with someone watching.. hopefully they won't mind the food not being warmed..

After gently placing a single bread roll next to the soup, he steps back, gesturing towards the meal with an uncertain smile. The creature pauses, sniffs around, then promptly disappears back into the darkness. Just as The Adventurer begins to sulk over his apparent rejection, something stirs behind him... With a rush of creaking and plopping noises, the creature resurfaces, revealing it's massive serpent-like body as it hoists itself over the crumbled stone of the well's edge with it's many arms. It cracks open it's mighty jaw just far enough for a tiny blue tongue to slither out, then politely slurps at the soup, delicate enough not to spill any.

Stumbling backwards in shock, The Adventurer simply sits there staring the entire time whilst the creature happily (and rather quickly) enjoys their meal... Seemingly appreciative of his kind offerings, another strange slinking arm creeps up from the depths of the well, daintily opening a velvet sack with it's claws and laying out a small assortment of items onto the grass. Still a bit shaken, but also never one to turn down a free gift, The Adventurer senses that the creature intends for him to take any single item of his choosing... but, which one?"

#paventure posting #polls #choose your own adventure #what can I say.. I like the trope of a smaller creature actaully being a much larger scarier creature which you just dont see because the #creature is in a place/position where most of it's body is obscured lol #sometimes a little guy is actually secretly a much bigger guy of mysterious origins that spans the length of an entire #underground cave system obscured by the facade of a simple well #AND MOST important of all.. the cat is scared.. :( bapy... #also I hate writing for these it's so impossible for me to be short and simple with writing. I always want to make it #extremely detailed and 500 paragraphs long. Giving myself a limit of like 3 paragraphs and a time limit of 20 minutes #is actually impossible for my brain gjhbjhbhj #but I have to post it anyway otherwise I'd spend forever on it and never actually get these done but..hhhh #Just know I am going into my evil vampire library to collapse onto the fainting chair in anguish each time after I hit post #Telling a chronically longwinded details obsessive rambler to ''keep it short'' is like telling a cat not to meow. not to run around the #house at 3am. not to be round and perfect. It is simply against nature #ANYWAY. These items might be useful later. As he continues on his journey - he does indeed have an inventory in my mind #like he can lose and aquire things. has a limited amount of money. Can change his outfit or etc. depending on the choices #people make in the polls. These may not have an immediate purpose (though some can) they'll be factored in down the road