#i dont want to hear about how wed be worse off if we hadnt had acces to the internet because i would have killed myself

[dirt-cup-draco]

Fred Weasley x Reader- Better To Have Loved and Lost Part 2/2

Previously:

I really do love you Fred. You thought and hoped some part of him would feel comforted as you prayed he came to understand what he meant to you.

It was better to have loved and lost Fred Weasley than to have continued to love him and been the cause for his misery.

The war had been won and it was cause for much relief but as you wiped the tables at the Leaky Cauldron you pondered over why you still couldn’t smile right, why the laughs that spilled past your lips were cold and haughty, why when you went home to Ian, it still didn’t feel like home. 

You knew the answer but refused to see it, refused to let yourself feel the fury and the loss that came from following your parents’ every wish. They’d been delighted when your sister had introduced you to Ian once the war ended. Turns out the both of you had been helping rebuild Hogwarts and you just hadn’t been lucky enough to run into each other. 

He was sweet and you didn’t mind his attention but it all felt wrong even if there was hardly a bad thing you could say about him. Your sister could have, and you were surprised she hadnt, picked far worse for you. You only wished that she didn’t feel the need to. You’d been happy with what you had, four months of bliss with the redhead who still had your heart, and now you were forced to live a life you resented. 

Ian was much like you, his family ruled his life. You were both the worst sort of coward. In some ways, it made you feel close to him. You had found a friend, at the very least. You told yourself to just be happy with that. 

Working in Diagon Alley made it very hard to be happy with that. 

You saw Fred and George Weasley in their shop but thankfully hadn’t run into them yet at the pub in which you worked, the very entrance to Diagon Alley. It was a godsend their home was above the shop and you wouldn’t have to see them come and go past your door. Despite being removed from their lives, you kept what tabs you could, especially after the war. 

You’d seen Fred with a white sheet tucked over him, the sheet bloodied over his leg and dried blood at his temple. He’d been gone for a moment, George had said. They thought they’d lost him, they almost had. You were lucky to see him only sleeping and healing from his wounds. You’d made George promise that he’d never seen you there. One look at the pain in your eyes and George had nodded and let you go.

Now, you wished you would’ve stayed. You wanted to have held Fred’s hand until he woke and then you wanted to apologize for every lie you’d ever told him. Even now you found it hard to restrain yourself from heading to number 93 diagon alley and running into their shop only to fall to your knees and beg he understood why you lied and left him. 

“Your shift ended ten minutes ago,” A gruff voice came from behind you and you shook yourself from you thoughts, looked to your boss, took your pay for the day, and then exited into the cool air of night. You could just as easily apparate home but you much preferred to walk. You liked to give yourself time to just be you. You didn’t have to pretend you and Ian were in love, you didn’t have to pretend you were happy with your life, you didn’t have to pretend that you weren’t in love with Fred Weasley. 

You let a few tears fall but not enough to cause your eyes to grow puffy or your cheeks to become red. Ian had seen you cry enough as you both lamented on how you didn’t know how to leave one another when both of your families expected marriage, kids, happiness with each other. You didn’t want to make him feel like it was his fault, because you knew you made him just as miserable. 

He wouldn’t expect you until late. 

As you walked past the shop, you noticed that the main lights had been turned out but a few stayed lit on the inside as the twins walked around to catalog their product, clean up whatever mess had been made under the feet of children and adults alike, and then retire to their apartment upstairs. Only a small amount of shame burned in your veins as you took a seat that was cloaked in the shadow of night to watch the boys get to work. George was wearing an orange blazer and Fred had on a purple vest that fit him perfectly. 

“She’s out there again,” George sing-songed to his twin as he looked from the corner of his eye to see your familiar profile leaning sitting on the curb across from their shop. It was cute that you thought the night alone was enough to hide you. 

“Doesn’t matter,” Fred grunted, frown etched deeply into this features as George tried to get a rise from him. “She never comes in, don’t even know why she-” 

“You know why Y/N sits out there,” George stated and Fred wanted to believe that George was right but it was hard to with those four words constantly bouncing around in his head. I don’t love you. 

“She-” 

“Bloody hell, you can say her name at least,” George scolded and Fred whirled around to meet his brother’s eye, stomping the ground with his cane. 

“No! She made her choice and if she wants to right it then she has to take the first step. I wont say her blasted name until she gets the guts to tell me why she did it. I can’t love her if she’s always going to be under her family’s thumb and I’m sure I’ll hear about wedding invitations for her and that skinny bloke before I hear an explanation,” 

“I think she wanted to when you were hurt- apologize and explain I mean,” 

George was a good man and so for your sake he hadn’t told Fred immediately but Fred was his other half and neither of them kept the habit of keeping things from one another. Fred had been sulking in his bed one evening after finding an old necklace of yours mixed in with his things and he wasn’t even sure how the damn thing had managed to come with him from Hogwarts and stay tucked out of sight until he’d stumbled upon it. 

It had thrown Fred for a loop and he’d silently cried into his firewhisky for nearly an hour before George had taken the thin chain from his brother’s hands and told him that you had never stopped loving him. Of course, you hadn’t told George that, but he could tell from the way you went pale at the sight of Fred unmoving. Fred had only been sleeping but the fear on your face had been palpable and heartbreaking. 

It had helped ease the pain then but George knew now that Fred was waiting for something to prove that it wasn’t a lie, that you did still love him, that you’d been made somehow to leave him heartbroken. 

“She’s leaving,” George sighed, nodding his head towards your back as you began to move towards your home which was another twenty minutes walk away. 

“Good,” Fred hissed but as he looked after you he saw the heavy slump of your shoulders and the way your hair was falling loose from your ponytail and George say his twin’s gaze soften and melt. 

“If you dont go and talk to her I’m going to bring her in here,” 

“What? Hey!” Fred began to argue as George decided to take matters into his own hands if neither of you would. Fred had gotten quick enough with the use of his cane and he grabbed George’s arm to stop him from pushing open the door but his younger twin used this to his advantage and opened the door after pushing Fred against it.

“You git!” Fred hollered at the door, George now safely tucked inside with a smug grin. Fred went to grab his wand to unlock the door but George’s grin only grew wider as he waved Fred’s wand at him from behind the locked glass doors. “Let me in!” 

Fred’s voice ricocheted off the buildings and you weren’t so far that you couldn’t hear the voice that you had missed dearly. It was a bit deeper now but you could still tell that it was his. You were frozen, feet paused on the cobblestone as Fred yelled at George. Why had George locked him out? You turned to watch as Fred shoved his shoulder against the door but with a sigh and a swing of his cane that did nothing to change George’s mind, Fred stopped yelling and stopped trying to get back in.

Fred looked down the street and found you were watching. 

“He won’t let me in until I talk to you, you know,” Fred raised his voice just so you could hear him. You weren’t far but he couldn’t see the details of your face, couldn’t see what color shirt you had on under your jacket. Far enough that his voice didn’t quiver like he feared it would as he spoke his first words to you in years. 

Your cheeks grew hot with embarrassment. Of course the both of them had seen you all the nights you’d spent as they’d closed up their shop. You hadn’t tried to stay hidden but you had hoped that a stranger on the street would escape their notice. 

Your voice was caught in your throat but you took a step towards Fred, then two. Then you were arms length away from him and you felt like you couldn’t breathe. “He’s a git,” You finally achieved in speaking and Fred let out a bark of laughter. 

“Years we haven’t talked and the first thing you say is an insult to my favorite person on the planet,” Fred chuckled, shaking his head good-naturedly when a sudden look of worry flashed on your face. “No, I suppose you’re right he is a bit of a git,” 

“Didn’t mean to get you kicked out of the shop,” 

“He was tired of me never saying anything when you....visit.” Fred decided on. Were you visiting? Watching? He wasn’t quite sure what your intentions were when you sat outside but he hoped it meant you missed him like he missed you. 

“Fred I-” 

“Did you know I found a necklace of yours a couple months ago? Somehow it’d gotten tangled on the thread of an old shirt of mine and I just stumbled upon it looking through my closet... Was a bit of a wreck after that. Must’ve been so pitiful because Georgie told me something I don’t think he was supposed to,” 

“O-oh?” You squeaked, eyes growing wide with curiosity and a bit of fear. You still couldn’t read Fred. Was he upset? Was he sad? Or was he completely over it all? You weren’t sure how you’d feel if he had moved on completely. You prayed that what he had felt months ago finding your necklace was still present within his heart. 

“Told me when I was sleeping after I’d been hurt that you’d come ‘round and just sat with me for a second before he’d come over. Said you didn’t want me knowing you’d been there. Why didn’t you want me knowing?” 

His voice had become strained and his honey brown eyes followed your every move as you fidgeted in place, all the color vanished from your face. 

“Didn’t think it would matter to you if I had been there or not, so why confuse you with the news that I had been there and scared to death that you were gone?” You choked out, thinking of Fred no longer being here to live and laugh and bring those things to other people was impossible to bear. 

“I’ve been confused since the day you left me, Y/N,” Fred winced as your name rolled past his lips and you hated that you could see heartbreak in every line of his face and the slope of his lips. 

“Was for your own good Freddie,” You said and you still believed it. “Still is, I know things are different after the war but my family is still- Well my mum and sister are still in control and I can’t-” 

“Yeah, right,” Fred scoffed bitterly but let his eyes soften as he realized your father must have passed in the battle. “You can’t do anything without their permission. How's that going by the way? Does that poor guy you got strapped with realize you don’t love him? Does he even love you? Great way to live, Y/N,” 

“You’ve got a lot of nerve Fred Weasley,” You sniffled, the venom in his words bringing tears to your eyes. “If I didn’t leave you, Emily would’ve destroyed your reputation, destroyed any chance of the two of you and George ever having this shop and destroyed you and I in the process. She’s not the most powerful witch but she’s got my mom’s money lining her pockets and enough of it to convince other people to listen to what she says. I left so you could live out your dream,” 

“What about now? I’ve got the life I want and I’m not scared of your family, so why are you? Don’t you realize we could have figured something out together?” 

“I just...things can’t be different,” 

Fred watched you and he felt his stomach turn to steel. You truly believed nothing could ever change. He shook his head sadly, grounding his cane against the pebbles beneath his feet when his leg grew tired. His knuckles were white and hands cold. How long had you two been out here? Nothing had been solved and when Fred looked at you he felt like nothing ever could be. You’d given up. 

“I want to love you Y/N, I do love you,” Fred admitted, watching your breath catch in your throat. “But when I look at you, I don’t see the girl I fell in love with. I-If I thought that you could leave what-his-name-”

“Ian,” You supplied for no reason other than to keep your tears at bay. 

“If I thought that you could leave Ian and defy your mum, I’d ask you to be mine right away.” 

“Why do you think that I can’t?” You wanted to reach out to him, to tell him you could figure out something, but the pit in the bottom of your gut was telling you otherwise. Even now you were scared of your family. 

“You know why. Or should I ask you to be mine?” 

“I am yours,” You chewed on your lip, unable to meet his eyes as you spoke the truth. “Never stopped being yours, but-” 

Fred scoffed. “Exactly... It’s always going to be something Y/N. I miss you and trust me I do love you but if you can’t promise that you aren’t going to spook at the first sign of trouble from your family then I don’t think we can be together again,” 

“What if I lied to them?” You begged, finally getting enough courage to grab Fred’s arm and you felt your stomach flip as you caught scent of his cologne. He hadn’t changed it since school. 

“I deserve more than that,” Fred sighed. “I can’t be a secret, Y/N. And I know it wouldn’t be everyone but what does that lie mean? Does that lie mean you’ll stay with Ian and I’ll just be a late night call after you’re done with work? Does it mean I’ll only go to your place when he’s gone? I can’t be that for you,” 

“Y-you’re right,” You sighed and Fred felt his heart break all over again. You wouldn’t change, not even for him. 

“Goodbye Y/N,” 

And with that, he was shuffling back into his shop, the door having been unlocked the second Fred had turned away from it. 

Not trying to hide your tears this time, you apparated home and when Ian caught your eye, he didn’t ask. You locked yourself in your bedroom and didn’t come out. 

--

 “It’s too bloody early for this,” Fred grumbled, head pounding and eyes burning as he shuffled from his bed to his apartment’s door. Neither of the twins usually got visitors past the lobby of the shop so he was surprised when a rapid knocking had rung out while he’d been sulking in his arm chair. 

George had awarded him the day off with a, “Get back in bed, you’ll scare off a;; the customers today and I don’t feel like losing the money.” Fred was thankful for it after he’d spent the previous day in bed after he’d spoken with you. Why hadn’t he been enough for you? 

His scowl was ready on his face when he flung the door open. You stood there with a bashful smile and without a second thought, Fred slammed the door closed.

“Haven’t you done enough damage?” Fred asked through the wood. 

“George let me up,” You called back. 

“Doesn’t mean I want to see you,” He shot back and your heart lurched uncomfortably. 

“What if I told you you wouldnt be a secret? That I spent the last two days removing myself from my family and moving to a different flat? That I’m a coward and a fool but I know better now and I don’t ever want to let you go again, if you’ll have me....” 

“I’d say that’s a bit quick,” Fred mumbled, eyebrows knit together as he opened the door back and you let out a breath of relief. He was listening at least. 

“Been wanting to leave them for ages, been ready to just vanish at the drop of a hat but I never had the courage and I didn’t think I had it but you’re right and I’m not living much of a life. I’m tired of being their puppet and I’m tired of breaking the heart of someone I only want to make happy,” 

“Don’t say it if you don’t mean it,” 

You hated seeing Fred so guarded but you knew he had more than enough reasons to be. You’d been terrible to him and made him believe that he couldn’t believe a word you said. The lies were over now. 

“I love you Fred Weasley and I left once to protect your future but now I’m back and asking you to let me protect your heart,” 

When Fred wrapped his arms around you and held tight, you squeezed back just as ferociously. Never again would you make him feel like you didn’t love him with everything within you. If your mother and sister tried to ruin your happiness, you would have him by your side to fight back. 

You finally felt at home.

#fred weasley xreader #fred x reader #fred weasley #fluff #angst #request

[drkcnry67]

title:  Please Don’t Make Me Do This

kink square filled: Knife Play

dark square filled: Knife Play

Heaven & Hell square filled: Demon!Dean

ship: Demon!Dean x reader

rating: 14+

tags: major character death, forced knife play, 

summery (if applicable): its a surprise….

word count (if applicable):

created for @spnkinkbingo @spndarkbingo @heavenandhellbingo 

also this is for a request brought in by @hawaiianohana15 

A/N: please dont shoot me, but cas doesnt actually stay in heaven for what goes down in this story. im sorry for what im gonna put everyone through. i know for me ive put off writing about this particular thing cause it still gives me nightmares. 

tag: @sweetness47 @alexis-m-kruger​

this was possibly the hardest event of your entire life, the hardest day of your life. the day you witnessed the love of your life get murdered on the eve after your engagement. 

you hadnt the heart to send every single person you had invited a letter saying the wedding was cancelled, hell you didnt have the heart o do anything except sit in your old room and listen to all of Dean’s favorites on repeat. 

after about 4 hours Sam had gotten very very concerned, so he made you some coffee and made you up a plate of food and brought it into your room. the sight he saw when he walked inside was something that made him place the food and drink on your dresser and come engulf you in a huge hug. 

course Dean and Sam wanted to take down Metatron, but of course that didnt go as well as expected for it was then that Metatron stabbed Dean. long story short told to you personally through Sam’s sobs… 

Dean had gotten hold of the first blade again after being bruised and beaten badly in a mortal kombat fight type deal with Metatron.

Metatron stabbing Dean through the heart with an angel blade just as Sam came round the corner and Dean of course turned around. 

Sam helped Dean off the ground and tried to make it out of the warehouse but Dean coughed, said he was proud of them and then breathed his last.

Sam had called out for Cas in a loud scream of pain. about 5 minutes later Cas appeared and became terribly horrified at the sight before him. 

Cas: “what happened?”

Sam: “Metatron killed him, we have to get home.. back to the bunker, to YN she needs to know but no one else can… can you get us and the impala back in one shot or is it needed in 2 trips…”

Cas: “it can be done in 1 shot but how will you tell YN… wont she be crushed?”

that was when Cas realized that Sam was gonna tell you after they got back to the bunker… sam was gonna tell you what happened, tell you that Dean died like  hero… that he went down fighting and that his last thoughts werent of her but he knew he loved you.

Cas: “look Sam i know that YN and Dean were a thing but there is something i have to tell you… about their relationship… but she doesnt know, neither of them did… you can’t tell her…”

Sam now intrigued finds the strength to look away from his brothers corpse. Cas took a deep breath watching as Sam now sat looking at him.

Sam: “cant tell her what?”

Cas: “she and Dean fullfilled the prophecy that Heaven spoke over them, they conceived a child a week before the death of a winchester at the hands of Metatron.”

Sam: “YN’s pregnant?”

Cas: “yes, but there is nothing else that can be done here, lets take this show back to the bunker and see if there is anything that can be done about Dean… ill take us all straight to his room, then ill stay here while you go talk to YN before she finds out on her own about Dean…”

Cas teleports Dean and Sam plus himself back to Deans room in the bunker. you were in the library researching a way to get rid of Metatron that would actually be most effective. you didnt hear the boys talking in Deans room. however you only had this feeling like something wasn’t right. 

it stayed with you heavily as you sat there pouring through the books and every page seemed to make time go by alot slower than it actually was… it wasnt until you flipped the page again that you heard your name being called. this made your head snap up…

you went around the corner and Saw Sam walking towards you… 

Sam: “hey squirt!”

You looked around and didnt see Dean, didnt see your man. you turned your gaze back to Sam who walked closer to you…

YN: “where’s Dean?”

Sam: “YN he was hurt badly… there was an accident, it was a bad one… before i let you see him you need to know he might not come back from this one alive… or if alive he wont be himself… the first blade really did a number on him. but his last concious thoughts were of you… YN he wasnt breathing when Cas got to us… Cas is with him now trying to figure this out, but so far no luck…”

YN: “i have to see his body…”

Sam stepped immediately in front of you stopping your entry to the hallway.

YN: “get out of my way Sam… i have to see his body…”

Sam: “no cause if you go in there your not gonna be able to unsee that…”

YN: “there has to be something we can do…”

Sam: “we will find a way but for now lets leave him alone…”

you went back too the library and cracked a bottle of whiskey… Sam stood around the corner for a few minutes and watched you slowly crumble apart… 

Sam went back to talk to Cas…

Cas: “ive healed his major wounds and slowed the death process… how did she take it…”

Sam: “she has started to drink the whiskey… i dont think she will come back from this…”

Cas: “well lets go make sure she isnt gonna do something stupid…”

Sam & Cas take one more glance at Dean’s body before heading out to the library to find you on the phone just kinda out of their hearing patterns.. it was only but a while later that Crowley texted you that he was outside the bunker…

you went to the door and let him inside… you walked down the stairs with Crowley at your tail… both Sam and Cas stood taking defensive position…

Sam: “Squirt what is he doing here?”

You finished walking down the stairs before you answered…

YN: “he is here to help me save Dean… he says he can save him… ergo that is whats going to happen…”

Cas: “dont do this, we cant trust him…”

Crowley: “look ok i have a soft spot for YN and Dean they have become my new favorite couple… but when word got out downstairs about Metatron having killed Dean. i knew it would be only a matter of time before i got a call from YN, but i also knew i might or might not be able to help.. YN show me where the body is… then ill need a while alone with it… for the way this should go may or may not come with alot of side effects…”

you led Crowley to Dean’s room, opening the door this was your first glance at Deans body… this was the only time other than not but 6 years before when you had lost Dean… to your dismay this time looked much much worse.

YN: “crowley do what you have to… just make sure he comes back to me in one piece…”

Crowley: “ill do my best and let me be the first to say congratulatons!”

you left the room wondering what the hell he meant, but still made your way back to the library… you sat on the couch and waited, waited patiently…

—————————

Crowley stands beside Dean placing the first blade in Dean’s right hand and placing both on his chest. 

Crowley: “listen to me Dean Winchester, what you’re feeling right now, it’s not death. It’s life, a new kind of life. Open your eyes, Dean. See what I see. Feel what I feel. And by the way your going to be a father, now lets go take a howl at the moon.”

—————————-

something stirred, you felt it, you felt the house shake, the entire bunker shook with a violent power… it wasnt but a few moments later that the power went out in the entire bunker… no sound could be heard but something inside you stirred, something felt new, arisen if you would… 

YN: “Sam, Cas are you guys okay?”

Sam and Cas are at your sides immediately! 

Cas: “i dont know but i cant leave my power isnt working…”

Sam: “YN you looked a little stunned a few moments ago… what did you feel?”

You didnt know how to answer that, it was a very strange feeling but being bonded with Dean made things easier. during hunts and stake outs… but now it felt like something went horribly wrong… crowley did however say that there may be side effects… 

YN: “i think whatever Crowley did worked but i dont feel normal Dean i feel a much darker force… if that is why the power went out then we need to lock this place down… now and we need to prepare for the worst… lock it down nothing gets in and nothing gets out…”

you, Sam and Cas all armed yourselves, going down the halls till the tri-fork in the hall… each of you took a hall… Cas came across nothing he stayed near the armory for a few minutes to make sure Dean wouldnt be able to easily access it if he came that way… Sam made it down his hall way to the garage, but obviously with the security locked down and the power outage the garage wouldnt be a good escape route… 

you went down the bedroom hallway, the emergency red lights going down the hallway made it to your room, checked it once and cleared it of being offended… then sam’s room along with Cas’ room…. 

the room at the end of the hall, the one room where you didnt think anything was wrong… the one room where the closer you got the more anger and pain you felt… before you could fully encrouch on the room, the door flung off its hinges… you ducked into the darkened bathroom… 

Demon!Dean: “Sammy, YN, Castiel! where is everyone to greet the brother who has come back from the dead? YN baby come give daddy a kiss…”

Dean now walking towards the bathroom slowly, now sniffs the air… he suddenly becomes ravenous for the being who holds the smell of pumpkin pie. the closer he got to the bathroom, the stronger the smell got. 

Demon!Dean: “come on out Baby.. i dont want to hurt you, but i will if i have to… come on out baby… dont you want to celebrate with me about our child… oh yes i know all about that… you can thank Crowley for that… now im gonna count to 3 if you dont show yourself by the time i get to 3, im gonna hurt you baby, i dont want to but i will…1…”

you didnt know what to do, so you stood there behind the door and didnt realize that you were starting to sweat badly your gun was slipping… before you could even react your gun fell to the ground…

Demon!Dean: “ah so you want to have a bit of bathroom fun hmm… well daddy brought a fun little tool… now lets play…”

with that Demon!Dean stalked into the bathroom forcefully pulling the door shut as he now stood there with you in the creepy red lighting, he stood there with his pocket knife. 

YN: “please dont do this, you dont want to hurt me i know you dont… for the sake of our child… please… i didnt know about my being pregnant D… im just finding out about this… look ok it tore me up to see your body like that, so i called Crowley… i knew when the power went out that you had come back… but i didnt expec…”

before you could say another word, his hand covered your mouth… he gently yet firmly ran the knife over your skin, he pressed down in certain tender spots, like your forearms, your thighs, your chest, as well as your cheeks. before stopping at your neck to lean in to sniff your aroma.. 

Demon!Dean: “you know babe, i never pictured myself as a father… i just realized i never told you what i did in Hell the first time i died… i tortured people, i tortured souls… these people didnt deserve it, but i didnt care, i liked it… now i think i’ll torture you similar to them…”

at that moment with lightning speed he ran the knife through all your clothes till you were standing in your Bra and panties. this made you shiver since it wasnt the man you fell in love with standing before you doing this to you. 

at that moment you felt the knife he was holding go into your skin on your thigh, you buckled at the pain, yet Demon!Dean just laughed with amusement. he ran his hands over your body, feeling you tense and un-tense beneath his touch. 

Demon!Dean: “i still have enough sense to know not to fuck a pregnant woman… but that doesnt mean i cant make you bleed…”

before he could finish cutting you in a few more places, the sound of your name came ringing through the halls. 

Sam: “cas do you see that?”

Cas looks straight ahead at the door on the floor…

Cas: “does that mean he is back?”

Sam: “yes but he doesnt have the strength normally to kick in these door which are reinforced with iron… he would have to…”

thats when it hit Sam like a sack of bricks… the shocked look on his face now said everything he connected the dots and soon realized that whereever Dean was you would be too…

Sam: “Dean or whatever you call yourself.. show yourself now…”

then he turned to Cas and in a low whisper adressed him.

Sam: “ok Cas go down the hall and hide around the corner as soon as he shows himself ill keep his gaze fixed on me, use your teleportation to get directly behind him… go…”

Cas ran to where Sam said but heard the same not so distant voice Sam soon did…

Demon!Dean: “ill be out in a second brother, im just taking a leak… then ill come out and talk…”

Demon!Dean finished making you bleed some more watching your body slide down the wall, weak from blood loss as he opened the bathroom door and exited…

Demon!Dean: “hey Sammy… come give your big brother a hug…”

Sam started to slowly back up seeing the blood covering Dean’s hands and clothes… 

Sam: “where’s YN?”

Demon!Dean: “i wouldnt know your the first one ive seen…”

Sam: “then whose blood are you covered in?”

Demon!Dean: “i found a family of rats and slaughtered them… why do you look so scared bro?”

Sam: “thats not rats blood is it?”

Demon!Dean could only bring off a dark smile… as he followed Sam down the hall and away from the bathroom… Cas took his opportunity to come out from around the corner and go towards the bathroom… where he found you… he took off his trench coat and laid it over you…

Cas: “what did he do to you?”

YN: “he called it knifeplay… i have no idea why he did this but he needs something… he needs a good angelic exorcism…”

Cas: “what do you have in mind?”

you explained to Cas that first you needed to get into some clean clothes of some kind and clean up some of this blood… Cas went to your room and grabbed one of your satin gowns… 

Cas came back seeing you limping… he helped steady you while you got dressed… then he took your arm with his hand… he smiled lightly and dove deep into steadying you before helping you into the direction that he watched Demon!Dean & Sam go in… 

he made sure you were alright before he took off to get into his position… slowly but steadily you made your way down the hall… to the sound of running footsteps and the sound of something breaking…

Demon!Dean: “Sam come on lets not play these games… why do you hide from your older brother…”

you steadied yourself and held the colt up high…

YN: “Demonic force that resides within Dean Winchester… i address the entity within thee… please dont make me do this…”

Demon!Dean turns to face you slowly after stopping in his tracks…

Demon!Dean: “YN baby i see you have managed to get up off the floor and clean yourself up… darling you really should be more careful with that, since when did i give you permission to touch that gun…”

YN: “you didnt i took it from your hiding place when i got up off the floor… you need to make sure that you pick better hiding spots…”

Demon!Dean: “and you need to make sure not to snoop…”

YN: “dont make me do this…”

you stayed tall and strong keeping the Colt trained on Dean…

Demon!Dean: “now now babe put the gun down… put it down or take your shot…”

you started to slowly put the gun down but then he charged towards you, Cas came out behind Dean and wrapped his arms around him from behind… 

you took your shot, you shot Dean while he was in the arms of Cas, you watched between Cas’ angelic grace and the bullet from the colt the demonic energy that was within Dean now blinked away… now within the eyes of the man before you, blinked between the demonic force within and the Dean you fell in love with.

Cas: “ready YN im gonna keep holding onto him while you enact the final part of your plan… anytime now…”

that was your cue, you tossed the colt in the air running towards the man who stole your heart a thousand times over… you kissed him, he didnt react right away it was about 5 minutes into the kiss that he started to kiss you back…

thats when Cas let go, it made you feel normal to be back in Dean’s embrace… once the kiss broke you took him over to the security station you had set up and showed him all of what happened… 

Dean: “i know that i wasn’t myself but i hurt you, i hurt the one person who means the world to me… i’m so sorry YN… you don’t deserve a guy like me… i’m a worthless piece of shit… to top it all off, we are expecting a baby… we are expecting i don’t know if i’m ready to be a father…”

YN: “i know your gonna do wonderful as a father, and i also know that when i saw you basically dead, it tore me apart, i dipped so far into the whiskey that i almost blacked out, if the power hadnt gone out, i wouldn’t be awake right now…”

Cas and Sam come back into the room making sure that it was safe first… then Sam took it upon himself to hand Dean his jacket, to which made you look with confusion but you didnt make anything of it.

Sam: “good luck buddy…”

you grab 3 glasses & the whiskey, while the charade continues… but wasnt expecting what happened next…

Dean: “dont touch your glass of whiskey yet…. YN there is something i wish to discuss with you first…”

You stared at Dean curiousity swimming in your mind… Dean took a small swig of his whiskey before he continued to speak…

Dean: “YN in all my years together never have i ever been so amazed by anyone. you’re strong, brave, talented, one of the best with a machete ive ever seen, i never would have seen myself being with someone who is as lovely and smart as you… YN i know we have just been through hell and back and both need a really good shower, but will you do me the incredible honor of marrying me and making me the luckiest man alive…”

YN: “yes yes yes…”

thats when Dean opened the ring box out of his jacket and slid the expensive but not expensive ring on your finger… the toasting lasted for 30 minutes before the cuts on your body cloted, and the blood on Dean crusted, but it was about time when you spoke again…

YN: “Dean no offense but you need a shower…”

Dean: “funny darling i could say the exact same thing about you….”

#spnkinkbingo #spndarkbingo #heaven and hell bingo

[legion1993]

Please Don’t Make Me Do This

title:  Please Don’t Make Me Do This

kink square filled: Knife Play

dark square filled: Knife Play

Heaven & Hell square filled: Demon!Dean

ship: Demon!Dean x reader

rating: 14+

tags: major character death, forced knife play, 

summery (if applicable): its a surprise….

word count (if applicable):

created for @spnkinkbingo @spndarkbingo @heavenandhellbingo 

also this is for a request brought in by @hawaiianohana15 

A/N: please dont shoot me, but cas doesnt actually stay in heaven for what goes down in this story. im sorry for what im gonna put everyone through. i know for me ive put off writing about this particular thing cause it still gives me nightmares. 

tag: @sweetness47 @alexis-m-kruger

spn kink bingo masterlist  Dark bingo masterlist  heaven and hell masterlist

this was possibly the hardest event of your entire life, the hardest day of your life. the day you witnessed the love of your life get murdered on the eve after your engagement. 

you hadnt the heart to send every single person you had invited a letter saying the wedding was cancelled, hell you didnt have the heart o do anything except sit in your old room and listen to all of Dean’s favorites on repeat. 

after about 4 hours Sam had gotten very very concerned, so he made you some coffee and made you up a plate of food and brought it into your room. the sight he saw when he walked inside was something that made him place the food and drink on your dresser and come engulf you in a huge hug. 

course Dean and Sam wanted to take down Metatron, but of course that didnt go as well as expected for it was then that Metatron stabbed Dean. long story short told to you personally through Sam’s sobs... 

Dean had gotten hold of the first blade again after being bruised and beaten badly in a mortal kombat fight type deal with Metatron.

Metatron stabbing Dean through the heart with an angel blade just as Sam came round the corner and Dean of course turned around. 

Sam helped Dean off the ground and tried to make it out of the warehouse but Dean coughed, said he was proud of them and then breathed his last.

Sam had called out for Cas in a loud scream of pain. about 5 minutes later Cas appeared and became terribly horrified at the sight before him. 

Cas: “what happened?”

Sam: “Metatron killed him, we have to get home.. back to the bunker, to YN she needs to know but no one else can... can you get us and the impala back in one shot or is it needed in 2 trips...”

Cas: “it can be done in 1 shot but how will you tell YN... wont she be crushed?”

that was when Cas realized that Sam was gonna tell you after they got back to the bunker... sam was gonna tell you what happened, tell you that Dean died like  hero... that he went down fighting and that his last thoughts werent of her but he knew he loved you.

Cas: “look Sam i know that YN and Dean were a thing but there is something i have to tell you... about their relationship... but she doesnt know, neither of them did... you can’t tell her...”

Sam now intrigued finds the strength to look away from his brothers corpse. Cas took a deep breath watching as Sam now sat looking at him.

Sam: “cant tell her what?”

Cas: “she and Dean fullfilled the prophecy that Heaven spoke over them, they conceived a child a week before the death of a winchester at the hands of Metatron.”

Sam: “YN’s pregnant?”

Cas: “yes, but there is nothing else that can be done here, lets take this show back to the bunker and see if there is anything that can be done about Dean... ill take us all straight to his room, then ill stay here while you go talk to YN before she finds out on her own about Dean...”

Cas teleports Dean and Sam plus himself back to Deans room in the bunker. you were in the library researching a way to get rid of Metatron that would actually be most effective. you didnt hear the boys talking in Deans room. however you only had this feeling like something wasn’t right. 

it stayed with you heavily as you sat there pouring through the books and every page seemed to make time go by alot slower than it actually was... it wasnt until you flipped the page again that you heard your name being called. this made your head snap up...

you went around the corner and Saw Sam walking towards you... 

Sam: “hey squirt!”

You looked around and didnt see Dean, didnt see your man. you turned your gaze back to Sam who walked closer to you...

YN: “where’s Dean?”

Sam: “YN he was hurt badly... there was an accident, it was a bad one... before i let you see him you need to know he might not come back from this one alive... or if alive he wont be himself... the first blade really did a number on him. but his last concious thoughts were of you... YN he wasnt breathing when Cas got to us... Cas is with him now trying to figure this out, but so far no luck...”

YN: “i have to see his body...”

Sam stepped immediately in front of you stopping your entry to the hallway.

YN: “get out of my way Sam... i have to see his body...”

Sam: “no cause if you go in there your not gonna be able to unsee that...”

YN: “there has to be something we can do...”

Sam: “we will find a way but for now lets leave him alone...”

you went back too the library and cracked a bottle of whiskey... Sam stood around the corner for a few minutes and watched you slowly crumble apart... 

Sam went back to talk to Cas...

Cas: “ive healed his major wounds and slowed the death process... how did she take it...”

Sam: “she has started to drink the whiskey... i dont think she will come back from this...”

Cas: “well lets go make sure she isnt gonna do something stupid...”

Sam & Cas take one more glance at Dean’s body before heading out to the library to find you on the phone just kinda out of their hearing patterns.. it was only but a while later that Crowley texted you that he was outside the bunker...

you went to the door and let him inside... you walked down the stairs with Crowley at your tail... both Sam and Cas stood taking defensive position...

Sam: “Squirt what is he doing here?”

You finished walking down the stairs before you answered...

YN: “he is here to help me save Dean... he says he can save him... ergo that is whats going to happen...”

Cas: “dont do this, we cant trust him...”

Crowley: “look ok i have a soft spot for YN and Dean they have become my new favorite couple... but when word got out downstairs about Metatron having killed Dean. i knew it would be only a matter of time before i got a call from YN, but i also knew i might or might not be able to help.. YN show me where the body is... then ill need a while alone with it... for the way this should go may or may not come with alot of side effects...”

you led Crowley to Dean’s room, opening the door this was your first glance at Deans body... this was the only time other than not but 6 years before when you had lost Dean... to your dismay this time looked much much worse.

YN: “crowley do what you have to... just make sure he comes back to me in one piece...”

Crowley: “ill do my best and let me be the first to say congratulatons!”

you left the room wondering what the hell he meant, but still made your way back to the library... you sat on the couch and waited, waited patiently...

---------------------------

Crowley stands beside Dean placing the first blade in Dean’s right hand and placing both on his chest. 

Crowley: “listen to me Dean Winchester, what you're feeling right now, it's not death. It's life, a new kind of life. Open your eyes, Dean. See what I see. Feel what I feel. And by the way your going to be a father, now lets go take a howl at the moon.”

----------------------------

something stirred, you felt it, you felt the house shake, the entire bunker shook with a violent power... it wasnt but a few moments later that the power went out in the entire bunker... no sound could be heard but something inside you stirred, something felt new, arisen if you would... 

YN: “Sam, Cas are you guys okay?”

Sam and Cas are at your sides immediately! 

Cas: “i dont know but i cant leave my power isnt working...”

Sam: “YN you looked a little stunned a few moments ago... what did you feel?”

You didnt know how to answer that, it was a very strange feeling but being bonded with Dean made things easier. during hunts and stake outs... but now it felt like something went horribly wrong... crowley did however say that there may be side effects... 

YN: “i think whatever Crowley did worked but i dont feel normal Dean i feel a much darker force... if that is why the power went out then we need to lock this place down... now and we need to prepare for the worst... lock it down nothing gets in and nothing gets out...”

you, Sam and Cas all armed yourselves, going down the halls till the tri-fork in the hall... each of you took a hall... Cas came across nothing he stayed near the armory for a few minutes to make sure Dean wouldnt be able to easily access it if he came that way... Sam made it down his hall way to the garage, but obviously with the security locked down and the power outage the garage wouldnt be a good escape route... 

you went down the bedroom hallway, the emergency red lights going down the hallway made it to your room, checked it once and cleared it of being offended... then sam’s room along with Cas’ room.... 

the room at the end of the hall, the one room where you didnt think anything was wrong... the one room where the closer you got the more anger and pain you felt... before you could fully encrouch on the room, the door flung off its hinges... you ducked into the darkened bathroom... 

Demon!Dean: “Sammy, YN, Castiel! where is everyone to greet the brother who has come back from the dead? YN baby come give daddy a kiss...”

Dean now walking towards the bathroom slowly, now sniffs the air... he suddenly becomes ravenous for the being who holds the smell of pumpkin pie. the closer he got to the bathroom, the stronger the smell got. 

Demon!Dean: “come on out Baby.. i dont want to hurt you, but i will if i have to... come on out baby... dont you want to celebrate with me about our child... oh yes i know all about that... you can thank Crowley for that... now im gonna count to 3 if you dont show yourself by the time i get to 3, im gonna hurt you baby, i dont want to but i will...1...”

you didnt know what to do, so you stood there behind the door and didnt realize that you were starting to sweat badly your gun was slipping... before you could even react your gun fell to the ground...

Demon!Dean: “ah so you want to have a bit of bathroom fun hmm... well daddy brought a fun little tool... now lets play...”

with that Demon!Dean stalked into the bathroom forcefully pulling the door shut as he now stood there with you in the creepy red lighting, he stood there with his pocket knife. 

YN: “please dont do this, you dont want to hurt me i know you dont... for the sake of our child... please... i didnt know about my being pregnant D... im just finding out about this... look ok it tore me up to see your body like that, so i called Crowley... i knew when the power went out that you had come back... but i didnt expec...”

before you could say another word, his hand covered your mouth... he gently yet firmly ran the knife over your skin, he pressed down in certain tender spots, like your forearms, your thighs, your chest, as well as your cheeks. before stopping at your neck to lean in to sniff your aroma.. 

Demon!Dean: “you know babe, i never pictured myself as a father... i just realized i never told you what i did in Hell the first time i died... i tortured people, i tortured souls... these people didnt deserve it, but i didnt care, i liked it... now i think i’ll torture you similar to them...”

at that moment with lightning speed he ran the knife through all your clothes till you were standing in your Bra and panties. this made you shiver since it wasnt the man you fell in love with standing before you doing this to you. 

at that moment you felt the knife he was holding go into your skin on your thigh, you buckled at the pain, yet Demon!Dean just laughed with amusement. he ran his hands over your body, feeling you tense and un-tense beneath his touch. 

Demon!Dean: “i still have enough sense to know not to fuck a pregnant woman... but that doesnt mean i cant make you bleed...”

before he could finish cutting you in a few more places, the sound of your name came ringing through the halls. 

Sam: “cas do you see that?”

Cas looks straight ahead at the door on the floor...

Cas: “does that mean he is back?”

Sam: “yes but he doesnt have the strength normally to kick in these door which are reinforced with iron... he would have to...”

thats when it hit Sam like a sack of bricks... the shocked look on his face now said everything he connected the dots and soon realized that whereever Dean was you would be too...

Sam: “Dean or whatever you call yourself.. show yourself now...”

then he turned to Cas and in a low whisper adressed him.

Sam: “ok Cas go down the hall and hide around the corner as soon as he shows himself ill keep his gaze fixed on me, use your teleportation to get directly behind him... go...”

Cas ran to where Sam said but heard the same not so distant voice Sam soon did...

Demon!Dean: “ill be out in a second brother, im just taking a leak... then ill come out and talk...”

Demon!Dean finished making you bleed some more watching your body slide down the wall, weak from blood loss as he opened the bathroom door and exited...

Demon!Dean: “hey Sammy... come give your big brother a hug...”

Sam started to slowly back up seeing the blood covering Dean’s hands and clothes... 

Sam: “where’s YN?”

Demon!Dean: “i wouldnt know your the first one ive seen...”

Sam: “then whose blood are you covered in?”

Demon!Dean: “i found a family of rats and slaughtered them... why do you look so scared bro?”

Sam: “thats not rats blood is it?”

Demon!Dean could only bring off a dark smile... as he followed Sam down the hall and away from the bathroom... Cas took his opportunity to come out from around the corner and go towards the bathroom... where he found you... he took off his trench coat and laid it over you...

Cas: “what did he do to you?”

YN: “he called it knifeplay... i have no idea why he did this but he needs something... he needs a good angelic exorcism...”

Cas: “what do you have in mind?”

you explained to Cas that first you needed to get into some clean clothes of some kind and clean up some of this blood... Cas went to your room and grabbed one of your satin gowns... 

Cas came back seeing you limping... he helped steady you while you got dressed... then he took your arm with his hand... he smiled lightly and doove deep into steadying you before helping you into the direction that he watched Demon!Dean & Sam go in... 

he made sure you were alright before he took off to get into his position... slowly but steadily you made your way down the hall... to the sound of running footsteps and the sound of something breaking...

Demon!Dean: “Sam come on lets not play these games... why do you hide from your older brother...”

you steadied yourself and held the colt up high...

YN: “Demonic force that resides within Dean Winchester... i address the entity within thee... please dont make me do this...”

Demon!Dean turns to face you slowly after stopping in his tracks...

Demon!Dean: “YN baby i see you have managed to get up off the floor and clean yourself up... darling you really should be more careful with that, since when did i give you permission to touch that gun...”

YN: “you didnt i took it from your hiding place when i got up off the floor... you need to make sure that you pick better hiding spots...”

Demon!Dean: “and you need to make sure not to snoop...”

YN: “dont make me do this...”

you stayed tall and strong keeping the Colt trained on Dean...

Demon!Dean: “now now babe put the gun down... put it down or take your shot...”

you started to slowly put the gun down but then he charged towards you, Cas came out behind Dean and wrapped his arms around him from behind... 

you took your shot, you shot Dean while he was in the arms of Cas, you watched between Cas’ angelic grace and the bullet from the colt the demonic energy that was within Dean now blinked away... now within the eyes of the man before you, blinked between the demonic force within and the Dean you fell in love with.

Cas: “ready YN im gonna keep holding onto him while you enact the final part of your plan... anytime now...”

that was your cue, you tossed the colt in the air running towards the man who stole your heart a thousand times over... you kissed him, he didnt react right away it was about 5 minutes into the kiss that he started to kiss you back...

thats when Cas let go, it made you feel normal to be back in Dean’s embrace... once the kiss broke you took him over to the security station you had set up and showed him all of what happened... 

Dean: “i know that i wasn’t myself but i hurt you, i hurt the one person who means the world to me... i’m so sorry YN... you don’t deserve a guy like me... i’m a worthless piece of shit... to top it all off, we are expecting a baby... we are expecting i don’t know if i’m ready to be a father...”

YN: “i know your gonna do wonderful as a father, and i also know that when i saw you basically dead, it tore me apart, i dipped so far into the whiskey that i almost blacked out, if the power hadnt gone out, i wouldn’t be awake right now...”

Cas and Sam come back into the room making sure that it was safe first... then Sam took it upon himself to hand Dean his jacket, to which made you look with confusion but you didnt make anything of it.

Sam: “good luck buddy...”

you grab 3 glasses & the whiskey, while the charade continues... but wasnt expecting what happened next...

Dean: “dont touch your glass of whiskey yet.... YN there is something i wish to discuss with you first...”

You stared at Dean curiousity swimming in your mind... Dean took a small swig of his whiskey before he continued to speak...

Dean: “YN in all my years together never have i ever been so amazed by anyone. you’re strong, brave, talented, one of the best with a machete ive ever seen, i never would have seen myself being with someone who is as lovely and smart as you... YN i know we have just been through hell and back and both need a really good shower, but will you do me the incredible honor of marrying me and making me the luckiest man alive...”

YN: “yes yes yes...”

thats when Dean opened the ring box out of his jacket and slid the expensive but not expensive ring on your finger... the toasting lasted for 30 minutes before the cuts on your body cloted, and the blood on Dean crusted, but it was about time when you spoke again...

YN: “Dean no offense but you need a shower...”

Dean: “funny darling i could say the exact same thing about you....”

#heaven and hell bingo #spndarkbingo #spnkinkbingo

[sasuhinasno1fan]

Interesting flight

And here it is, the end of Klance AU Month. I actually did it, I did a story for every day, well except day 10 but I've done a whole series on YouTuber, I think I was allowed to skip an AU I knew I wasn't good at. A big thanks to @monthlyklance  for moding this event of sorts and being very nice as I sent them link after link of my fics because tumblr wouldn't show my stories in the tag search. Don't know if I'll do this again, maybe when I know time won't be taken up by classes. Wasn't my best fic I think but it's been a long day. Free Day (Single Parent AU)

“Are we going to see granny?” Sylvio asked, watching his uncle feed his little sister.

“Yeah, are you excited?” Lance asked, pulling the empty bottle away from Nadia’s mouth and then handing it to the young boy.

“Yeah, I can’t wait to spend my birthday with them. Uncle Lance?”

“Hmm, what’s wrong?”

“Can we go see mommy and papi?”

Lance’s smile faded a little. Sylvio’s parents, his own older brother and sister-in-law, died in a car crash. Lance had been babysitting his niece and nephew, being the only family member living in L.A like Marco, while everyone was in Florida. He’d just put the kids to sleep, wondering where his brother even was when he got a call. Everything had changed in that night. Being the only one of age that was in the area, Lance had gone from an uncle who was going to start working at the local kindergarten to being a stand in parent. It was hard, having to readjust, having to explain to his nephew that his parents weren’t coming back, to try and calm his niece who’d cry for her parents’ way of calming her. Sylvio had finally understood that his uncle was going to take care of him and his sister from then on, he seemed to grow up. He was only 4, Lance hated that he felt like he should be the one help take care of Nadia when all he should be concerned with was living as a 4 year old. Lance had sent the ashes of Marco and his wife Lisa to Florida to live with his parents after he’d find Sylvio staring at the urn for hours.

“Sure buddy. You need to tell them about all you’ve been up to.”

“We’re about to start boarding for Flight 239 from Los Angles to Florida. Please look at your ticket for your boarding group number. We’d like to invite our first class flyers and membership flyers to start boarding.”

“Grab our tickets buddy.” Lance instructed as he fitted Nadia into the front carrier, feeling her little breaths against his chest. “What number we got?”

“1!” Sylvio called, showing off the tickets to his uncle.

“That’s right. You hold on tight to that ok? I’ll hold our bag alright?”

“We now invite group 1 to board.”

“That’s us! Let’s go Uncle Lance.” Sylvio said, jumping from his seat and running to the line. Lance smiled apologetically to the people who’d been cut off by Sylvio. The flight attendants smiled down at Sylvio as they took the tickets and scanned them before pointing then in the right direction.

“Whoa, buddy, not so fast.” Lance said as Sylvio ran down the corridor to the plane.

“Hello little one.” The flight attendant at the entrance said, helping Sylvio onto the plane. “What’s your name?”

“Sylvio. That’s my sister Nadia and my Uncle Lance.”

“Is it your first time on a plane?”

“Yeah! I’m going to see my granny.”

“Oh, well when you go see her, you’ll have to show her this.” The flight attendant pulled out a pin of wings and attached it to Sylvio’s shirt.

“Uncle Lance, look!”

“Looking good buddy. Can you ask her where our seat is?”

“Oh, where are we sitting?” Sylvio asked, letting the flight attendant look at the ticket.

“You’re number 12 B which means you’re on the left. Do you know where your left hand is?”

“Yes!” he relied holding up his left hand.

“Let’s go buddy. Thank you.”

Using his left hand, Sylvio counted the chairs they passed slowly, Lance reminding him which numbers came next. They reached their seats and Lance had Sylvio climb into the seat by the window when he realised he had a problem. Nadia was still on his chest and he had to lift the carry on suitcase into the overhead bin. He could take her off and lay her down in the seats, but he could feel her start to squirm and he didn’t trust Sylvio to keep her still.

“Do you need help?” Lance looked to see the person standing behind him. he only had a backpack on, his sweatshirt drowning him.

“Um, if you could? I don’t want to risk hitting her.”

“Of course, back up a bit.” Like the suitcase weighed nothing, he picked it up and slid it into the overhead bin. Once it was set, he gestured for Lance to sit down. He waited for Lance the sit in his seat next to Sylvio before pulling his bag off and sitting next to him.

Their seat was the one right after the last first class seat so in no time, Sylvio climbed off his seat and sat on the floor. Lance didn’t say anything as it would still be some time until he had to sit his nephew down again and focused on making sure Nadia’s baby bag, that also held his laptop and tablet he’d given to Sylvio for the trip was under his seat. He didn’t want to have to shove it in the overhead bin. He saw that their aisle mate was the same, shoving his bookbag under his seat.

“Excuse me,” one of the flight attendants asked, “we have basinets if you want one for your daughter?”

“Niece and thank you.” Lance said, patting Nadia as she started to whine a little.

“You probably have time to feed her before we take off.” Their aisle mate said.

Lance looked over at him. he’d stripped his sweatshirt, not bothering to fix his shirt, which even its mess showed his fit figure. He also noticed how long his hair was. It was past his shoulders and looked really soft. He hoped Nadia didn’t spot it. Lisa had long hair so Nadia was used to long hair being near her when she was being held.

“She already ate. Thankfully she got hungry before we had to board.”

The guy looked down at Sylvio who was looking under the seats. “You having fun down there?”

“Uh huh!”

He let out a small laugh, smiling at Sylvio. Thank god, he seemed to like kids. “Cute kid.”

“It’s in his genes. We McClains are adorable.”

“I’m sure.”

Everyone was seated and Lance had coaxed Sylvio up to his seat for take-off. Their aisle mate offered him gum to help with the pressure build-up, letting Sylvio take an extra one. Nadia had dozed off and Lance hoped she’d stay like that for a while. Sylvio’s eyes were glued to the open window as the plane went down the runway and started to pick up speed.

“We’re going fast!”

“Keep chewing buddy, it’ll help your ears.” Lance said.

Soon the plane tipped up and they took off. Sylvio’s chewing slowed as he watched the world below the plane grow smaller. Lance glanced down as Nadia’s face scrunched up. He gently shushed her, hoping she stayed asleep. As they got higher though, she moved around more and woke up crying. Lance groaned in his head. Crying baby and they weren’t allowed to move around yet, just his luck.

Sylvio, thank god, turned away from the window and started asking his sister what was wrong. Usually it would calm her down slightly but Lance guessed the pressure was hurting her too much for her to pay attention to her brother.

“Is it the pressure bothering her?” His aisle mate asked.

“Yeah, I’m really sorry.”

“It’s fine, really. I know people get annoyed by it but babies can’t really control these things.”

Lance was extremely grateful of the understanding man. Finally the seatbelt sign turned off and Lance blocked out what the head flight attendant was saying as he undid his seatbelt and was let out by the still slightly ruffled man. “Sylvio, stay here ok?”

“Ok.”

Lance tried to ignore the looks he got as Nadia continued to cry. He hadn’t gotten the chance to grab her pacifier though he doubted she’d keep it in her mouth. He gently shushed her, bouncing as he tried to calm her down. Thankfully her cries lessened but she still whined loudly.

“Shh, shh, you’re ok.” He whispered when he saw the same man coming towards him. he moved away from the bathroom thinking he was heading there.

“Your, um, nephew, asked me check on you?”

“Sylvio yeah. He knows he can’t do it himself. You don’t have to.”

“I don’t mind. What’s her name?”

“Nadia.”

“Nadia.” He called, standing next to Lance. “Nadia.”

Hearing a new voice, Nadia tired looking for it, her whining quieting some.

“Do you want to try holding her?”

“If it’s ok.”

“Sure. Help me?” he asked, pointing to the buckle on his back.

It was unclipped and Lance slipped the handles off, keeping Nadia close to him. he let the other man take her, easily taking her into his arms.

“You’re pretty good.”

“My brother has a kid, I volunteered at their day-care.”

Nadia’s whining stopped as she stared up at the new face. She blinked and reached out her hand.

“Wait, Nadia, no!” Lance said as she gripped his hair, holding it firm in her grip. Her gaze was completely fixed on the long black strands in her fist. “I am so sorry. She has a thing with hair, she doesn’t let – no don’t put it in your mouth! Oh god, Nadia.”

“It’s ok. I mean there are worse ways to spend a flight. I never did introduce myself, I’m Keith.” He said, his hand pulling Nadia’s fist away from her mouth.

“Lance, hi. Um, she’s not going to let go.”

“It’s ok, I don’t mind holding her. Besides, you still have your nephew to worry about.”

“Um, right. Thanks.” Lance pulled off the carrier entirely and lead them back to there seats where Sylvio stared at his sister in Keith’s arms.

“She liked his hair?”

“You know your sister. Do you want your tablet?”

“Yes please.”

“How old is he?” Keith asked letting Nadia stand on his lap so he wouldn’t risk her pulling out his hair.

“4.”

“He talks a lot for a 4 year old.”

“Another gene of McClains, we don’t have an off switch.” Lance said, opening the armrest to pull out the try for Sylvio, letting him navigate the tablet on his own. “So you volunteer at your um?”

“Nephew. I picked him up one day and was asked to stick around to help with something and the next thing I knew, I kept going back. I work in security so kids except my nephew I never thought were my forte. Turns out I’m not bad with them.”

“I can tell. I work at a kindergarten and I don’t think I’ve managed to calm a fussy kid down the quickly.”

“I guess you’d be good with kids. You got Sylvio very worried about you.”

Lance gained a pain smile on his face, “it for a different reason. Their parents died a while back. I went from babysitting uncle to new dad in a night.” Looking over at Sylvio who focused on the tablet. “Sylvio had to understand that so young. When I dropped him off to school on the first day back, he wouldn’t stop crying for hours and of course seeing her brother cry made Nadia sad.”

“That must have been a lot.”

Lance nodded. “It was. Parenting is terrifying enough. It’s hard but a smile from either of these two makes it feel worth it.”

“I know they must apr-Ow!” Keith was cut off when Nadia pulled on his hair.

“No Nadia.” Lance said, pulling her fist open, even though she whined. Keith sat her on his lap and gave her his hand to play with. “Again, really sorry.” He said, pushing Keith’s hair off his shoulders.

“Here’s that bassinet.” The flight attendant came and attached the carrier onto the wall in front of them, pressing down on it to make sure it was stable. “Let’s give your boyfriend’s lap a break.

“Oh, uh, he’s not my boyfriend.” Lance corrected, feeling his cheeks getting hot.

“What’s a boyfriend?” Sylvio asked, Lance frowning at him.

“Now you pull your attention from the tablet. Don’t worry about that silly.”

“Sorry, it’s just she seems so comfortable on his lap and he seemed so nice to you as you were boarding. My apologies. We’ll start the drink service soon.”

“Thank you.” Once the flight attendant left, Lance turned to Keith. “I honestly feel like all I’m doing is apologizing.”

Keith lifted Nadia off his lap and placed her in the basinet, watching her look around. “It’s ok. I can certainly say this is one of the most interesting flights I’ve been on.”

#klance au month #lance adopted sylvio and nadia

[dancingkirby]

In which Bolin plays with toys and Eska fails at flirting

I’m going to have to think up a title for this story soon.  I was thinking maybe “Into Open Waters.”

“How dare she? How dare she?”

Eska paced around the room, trying her hardest to keep her voice low so as not to disturb Kinalik.  The stress of the previous sleepless night, their escape in the wee hours, the sheer physical effort required to waterbend all the way to Republic City with a toddler and luggage in tow, the energy required to interact with people in a strange place…all of it was consuming her.

She collapsed in a chair, her body shaking and angry tears streaming down her face, which made her feel all the worse; like she was no more mature than her daughter.

Did their courtiers think that the twins did not hear the snickers and whispers of “half breed?” And yesterday…they had all looked at Kinalik like she was a monster. They felt that their only option was to get her out of there.

“I was trying to explain, but she wouldn’t listen!” she moaned to her brother.  

“Perhaps she felt the same about you,” Desna offered cautiously.

“Perhaps,” Eska muttered, making an enormous effort to control her crying.  “I have no harsh feelings towards our cousin’s significant other; she is not nearly as uncouth as the others.  I was just…trying so hard not to cry in front of them that I forgot to thank her.   People only seem to care about what I do incorrectly; not what I do the appropriate way.  Yes, I know you are an exception, brother,” she hastily added to ward off his protests.  She furiously scrubbed the tears away.  

“I recommend that we go to sleep right now and ponder the matter further in the morning,” Desna said.

“Yes…that would probably be wise.”

Eska was worried that she’d have problems falling asleep like she often did in locations that weren’t home.  However, the rhythm of Kinalik’s breathing soothed her, and the trio was soon huddled together in a deep slumber.

When Eska woke up who-knows-how-late in the morning, her back was throbbing in pain.  She supposed it was to be expected with all the exercise and lifting that she did yesterday. Even attempting to roll over caused her to moan. Thankfully, Desna had already awoken, and was ready with the bowl of water. He and Eska silently healed each other, then Eska also healed Kinalik, who was uninjured but wanted to do what the grownups were doing.  It didn’t get rid of all the pain, but reduced it enough to allow her to perform the usual morning functions and help Kinalik with hers.

When they got downstairs to the breakfast room, Korra was sitting there alone.  She had finished her own meal, but there was still a pot of tea and a plate of steamed buns filled with bean paste on the table. Eska was impressed to see that they’d remembered about Kinalik’s noodles, and that the child’s chair had a pile of cushions on it in lieu of a booster seat.

“Asami’s in the shower,” Korra said in response to their unspoken query.  “She likes to fiddle around in her workshop first thing in the morning when she’s feeling upset.”

Even Eska could tell that the last few words were pointed.  “Hm,” was all she could trust herself to say in response as she grabbed a bun.

“Does she eat anything else?” Korra asked, referring to Kinalik.  That was a somewhat safer topic, at least.

“Rice. Eggs.  Apples peeled and cut to slices exactly ¼ inch thick.  Arctic hen.  Some types of fish; she seems to change her mind about exactly which types by the day,” Eska answered.  She stopped to think.  What else was there?

“We have been having modest success in getting her to eat kelp,” Desna reminded.

“Oh yes.  The first time she ate that was a triumphant occasion indeed.  And before you ask, cousin, we do give her a daily multivitamin.”

“I wasn’t going to ask,” Korra said quickly.  She took a sip of her tea and said, “I wonder if she’d like Narook’s?  They have a kid’s menu.”

“Is it noisy?”

“Dinner can be…lunch is usually quieter.”

“We will consider it.”

They were spared from doing further chatting for the moment by Asami entering the room, fully dressed but with a towel wrapped around her head.  Korra looked at Eska expectantly.

Eska supposed that this was her cue to apologize.   Damn it.  She’d never cared about the feelings of anyone outside of her family before.

“I’msorry,” she mumbled while looking down at her hands.  This seemed to satisfy the requirements for now.

“It’s okay,” Asami said.  “I know you must have been under a lot of stress.  Now, is this enough food for you?  We could have the cook make something hot…”

“This is sufficient,” Desna assured her.

Asami sat down as well and got her own breakfast, and apparently decided that it would be best to get right to the point.

“So…Korra said that you were concerned about Kinalik’s safety…”

“That is one way to phrase it.”

“So exactly how deep into hiding did you want to go?”

Good question.

“We hadn’t thought things through that far yet,” Desna admitted.  “All we were hoping for was to buy a few days of time to strategize. That was why we chose not to stay at a hotel.”

“Simply arriving at this destination was the main objective.  They will discover our location sooner or later, but I doubt that they would take our lives here.  Nevertheless, we should take precautions,” Eska added.

Korra and Asami stopped to think, and then Korra said, “Well, you do have one thing going for you.  You’re fairly obscure.  Probably all that most people in Republic City know about you is that you’re those creepy twins.”

Eska clenched her jaw, and willed the angry words ready to spring from her back down her throat. She didn’t want another argument to start so quickly.  Desna appeared to be having a similar struggle, but was able to state in an even tone, “We do like our privacy.”

While they had been talking, Kinalik had finished her noodles and was getting bored.

“Down!” she commanded.  Eska rose to help her off the cushions, and sat back down with her daughter in her lap.

“And that’s another thing,” Asami said.  “I didn’t even know of Kinalik’s existence until yesterday, and I don’t think Korra did either.”

“They may have mailed something,” Korra said.  “But I was kind of distracted at the time.”

“We did air a birth announcement on the radio,” Eska remarked.  Granted, it had run only once.  At 6 AM.  Neither the twins nor their advisors had wanted to call much attention to it.

“Well, anyway, if all that the general public knows about you is that you’re twins, we’d want to make you look as unalike as possible.  Plus, the weather’s much too warm right now for your regular wardrobes. We’ll need to shop for new clothes, and one of you might have to cut your hair.”

Asami looked over at Desna, but Eska quickly said, “I’ll do it.”  Desna had done so much for her; it was only fair that she should be the one to make this sacrifice.

“I have to go get the rest of my stuff this morning, but…hold on, let me write this down,” Korra said.”  She retrieved a notebook and pencil from a side table.

“Asami, could you take them downtown this afternoon?  I’ll probably want to rest, and you’re the one with the style sense. And um…I still can’t drive that well.”

“Sure, but maybe one at a time?  Whoever is after them would be looking for twins.”

“No prob. Desna, you okay with waiting until tomorrow?”

“Whatever you think is best,” Desna answered, albeit apparently with some unease about them being separated.  The twins squeezed hands under the table.

“Bolin might want to join us,” Asami remarked.  “You know how he is about makeovers.”

“Oh, yeah, whoops, I forgot about Bolin.  And we were going to do a proper introduction today.”

“I wonder…” Asami trailed off as Korra scribbled away.  

“Hm?”

“I was just thinking about how to make all this more pleasant for Kinalik.  I think I have an idea.  You go over to Air Temple Island.  I can take care of arranging things.”

“’Kay, love you.”

They kissed.  Eska was relieved.  All of the talking had been making her dizzy.

After Korra had finally departed, Asami got Eska, Desna, and Kinalik situated in the living room. Unlike the more formal parlor they’d seen on the tour yesterday, this room was stocked with comfortable furniture, which was a blessing for Eska’s back.  It was decorated with plush carpeting, wooden paneling, several paintings, and a tall bookcase in the corner.  Eska made a beeline for the latter and thumbed through the selection.

While Eska was busy with her browsing, Asami used one of the mansion’s many phones to call Bolin.

“So what do you think about coming over here shortly?  Makeovers may be involved.”

Eska could hear Bolin’s shriek of joy from clear across the room.  Asami had to hold the receiver at arm’s length until he calmed down.

“I take it that’s a yes?  Okay, what time?  Yeah, I think we can do that.  So see you…oh?  What is it?”

She listened for a few seconds, then said, “Well, I’ll ask them,” and covered the receiver with her hand.

“Eska, Desna, Bolin says that Opal wants to come meet you.  Is that okay?”

Eska was intrigued in spite of herself.  She wanted to see just what sort of powerful woman had managed to ensnare her ex’s heart.

“It is all right with me.  Desna?”

“Me as well.”

“Great!” exclaimed Asami.  She turned back to the receiver and said, “That’s a yes from both of them.  See you in a few, then?  All right.  No, Pabu had better stay at your apartment this time. Bye.”

She hung up the phone, then left the room, saying vaguely that she had to “get things ready.”

Eska, in the meantime, had found several recent issues of Republic City Style.  She had first encountered this publication in the storage room of the library back home, and knew that it was trash, but had been unable to stop reading these chronicles of uncivilized famous people and their clothing.  And it definitely wasn’t because she was jealous of them and their hedonistic lives!  No, if ever asked, she would claim that it was simply anthropological studies.

“All right, let’s see who Ginger is dating now,” she murmured as she sat down to look at the pictures with Kinalik.

“May I have one?” Desna asked.

“You may.”

They were deeply engrossed in their reading material, with occasional snorts of incredulity from the twins and squeals of “Pretty!” from Kinalik, when they heard something being hauled down the stairs and dragged into the living room.

“I found that box of t-o-y-s that I was telling you about yesterday!” Asami said as she beamed. She had removed her towel, and looked no worse for wear from the exertion.  Eska wished that she could look that put-together.

“So I was thinking that Bolin could help Kinalik look through these, and that maybe she would warm up to him more if she associated him with a positive thing like that.”

Kinalik perked up at the mention of her name.  Eska thought that this was actually a clever idea, and wished that she could have thought of that herself.

“Shall we see what is contained in here?” Eska asked Kinalik. Her daughter didn’t answer verbally, but appeared happy for the first time since they’d left the palace.

As Asami left to get some scissors with which to open the box, the doorbell rang.  The door was opened shortly thereafter, presumably by the butler…what was his name again?

“We have arrived!” Bolin announced as he bounded into the living room, followed closely behind by Opal.  “And…hey neat, what’s that?”  He gestured at the box.

Asami explained her idea to him as Kinalik removed the first item from the box: a stuffed animal in the form of a cat-owl.

“Great, sounds great!” Bolin enthused as made to sit down right next to Kinalik, then caught himself in time and picked a spot a respectful couple of feet away.

Asami had certainly never been lacking in any amusement as a child; Eska felt a twinge when she remembered how her own toys had been taken away when she wasn’t too much older than Kinalik.  There were stuffed animals of all sorts (yes, including a turtleduck and a koala otter), dolls, and Satomobile models.  Thankfully, nothing was in that box that would pose a choking hazard; Eska presumed that Kinalik was smart enough not to put toys in her mouth, but one never knew for sure.

Kinalik was insistent on doing the unpacking herself, and kept most of the toys to herself, but every so often she would shyly offer one to Bolin.

“Thank you!” he exclaimed at her latest offering of a stuffed animal that was so worn that Eska couldn’t even tell what it was supposed to be.  “Do you wanna know something, Kinalik?  I don’t remember what toys I had when I was your age.  I wish I did.  So this is really as exciting for me as it is for you!”

Kinalik scrunched her nose, and either because she didn’t know how to respond or didn’t have the words, settled for “Okay.”  But she did hand over a toy truck to him.

“Oh, she’s just adorable!” said Opal, which slightly startled Eska because she’d been so focused on the scene across the room.  She was seated at the opposite end of the couch from the twins.

“Yes,” Eska answered.  She and Desna switched places so that there would be no one between Eska and Opal. Then she remembered.

“I have on my possession a copy of Kinalik’s birth certificate,” Eska stated as she took the piece of paper out of her pocket.  “It contains proof that Bolin was not being unfaithful to you.  Not with me, at least.”

Opal didn’t move to take it.

“It’s okay, I believe you.  Really,” she said.

It was just that easy?  Eska had been anticipating a more frosty reception.

“So what do you think?  Can we be friends?” Opal asked as she smiled gently.  She extended her hand, and Eska forced herself to make eye contact while tentatively reaching her arm out as well.  But she only had the nerve to brush Opal’s fingers with her own.

Just then, there was much excitement from the duo on the floor.  Having removed all of the toys from the box, they had reached the best part…the packing paper.  Kinalik reached for a particularly large piece and gleefully ripped it in half.

“That makes a cool sound, doesn’t it?” Bolin observed.

Kinalik studied the two halves in her hand, and then crumpled one up, walked over, and reached up to place it on Bolin’s head.

“Oh wow!  A hat!  Just what I always wanted!” Bolin said with all evidence of sincerity.  He tossed his head ever so slightly, and the paper fell to the floor.

“OOPS!  It fell off!  How clumsy of me!”

Kinalik looked at him, then at the paper, then back at him.  And she laughed.

This was something that even Eska herself rarely elicited from her daughter.  She wished that she could telepathically transmit to Bolin the significance of this event.  But as he glanced over it her, it seemed that he already knew to some extent.

Shortly thereafter, Korra returned, and while the servants transferred her things, Asami herded them all into the main dining room for lunch.  Evidently, Korra had informed her partner of Kinalik’s preferences, because the meal was omelets…plain for Kinalik and with vegetables for everyone else.  Kinalik actually ate most of hers, and even sampled a piece of mushroom from Eska’s plate without spitting it back out.

When that was concluded, Desna put Kinalik down for a nap while Eska ventured out into the great unknown.

For what felt like the millionth time, Eska felt the ends of her now shoulder-length hair.  It felt exceedingly strange to not have it hanging halfway down her back.

Also, the hairdresser had insisted on using hair clips to pin her bangs back.

“You have such a perfectly-proportioned forehead!” the older woman had gushed.  “And such delicate eyebrows.  Why would you ever want to cover that up?”

At least it might work as a disguise.  And Asami and Opal had wholeheartedly agreed with the stylist.  They had tried to get Bolin’s opinion as well, but he held up his pointer finger for silence.

“Please don’t disturb me.  I have attained manicure Nirvana,” he stated in an exaggerated whisper.

When Bolin had finally descended back down to Earth, they went clothes-shopping.  First they got some everyday items.  Eska was rather embarrassed that she had to wear clothing from the Juniors section due to her petite frame, but she managed to tolerate the shopping long enough to attain several new outfits.  The store had a changing room in case one wanted to wear an outfit out of the store, so Eska had changed her regular tunic and leggings for a sky-blue shirt with cap sleeves, white pants that fell just below the knee, and white sandals.  It was odd to have so much of her skin exposed in public, but it was amusing to imagine how the dreaded councilors back home would react.

She was taken aback when she realized that she would have to help carry her own belongings for the first time in her life, but decided not to argue.

Then Asami had remembered about Korra’s party, to which Eska hadn’t realized that she was invited, so they went to a more upscale boutique that specialized in Water Tribe inspired designs to find a dress.  Of course, the one that caught Eska’s eye was too large for her, so she would have to come back later for fitting.

By the time that was over, all of them were loaded with shopping bags and getting tired, and Eska’s back was acting up again.  She still didn’t understand why some girls and women did this for fun.

“There’s a bubble tea shop just down the street.  Let’s stop there,” Asami suggested.

Eska was about to inquire what bubble tea was, but her thoughts slammed on the brakes as a horrific sound rose from the corner next to the tea shop.

“What. Is.  That?” she demanded as she jammed her fingers inside her ears.

“That’s a trombone,” Opal answered.  She and Asami rolled their eyes at Bolin, who was edging nervously closer toward the tea shop door.

Even leading such a sheltered life, Eska had heard of street musicians.  But she had been under the impression that most did it for money.  There was no tip box beside this man’s feet, so either he was just doing it for fun or wanted to cause all pedestrians an agonizing death.  Probably the latter, she thought.

“I am going to ambulate over there right now and inform that man that he must cease and desist immediately,” she declared.

“Maybe…just going inside would be a better idea?” Bolin offered.  “Come on quick, before he sees us!”

Bolin dashed inside, and the three women had no choice but to follow, Opal and Asami both making noises of disapproval.

They got their orders and sat down.  Eska had assumed that the bubbles would be some form of carbonation, but they were actually solid spheres.  She guessed that it was not called “sphere tea” because it didn’t roll off the tongue as easily.  In any case, the spheres had a pleasantly chewy texture.

Meanwhile, Asami was still scolding Bolin.

“He’s a much better person now and you know it!” she said.

“He still scares me!”

“Well, I invited him to the party, so get used to him.”

“You what?  Oh frick…here he comes.”

The door abruptly swung open as if accompanied by a musical cue, and Trombone Man walked in like he owned the place.  To Eska’s relief, he had put away that torture device for the present.  Wait…why was he making a beeline to their table?

“Hi, Tahno!” Asami said cheerfully as Opal waved.  The latter elbowed Bolin, who squeaked out a “Hi!”

The name rang a bell.  Eska tried to recall where she’d encountered it.

“Now who is this lady here?” Tahno the Trombone Man asked.  “I don’t believe that I’ve seen you here with the Uh-vatar’s crowd before.”

Eska assumed that he was referring to Opal.  But after several seconds, she realized that he was looking at her.  Just in time, she remembered how she knew of him.

“I saw you in the magazines,” she said.  “Except then you weren’t there anymore.  And then you were, but not quite as often.”

“Guilty as charged.”

Was he flirting, or just making fun of her?

Eska rose from her seat and affixed her best glare.

“Your subpar pronounciation irritates my auditory receptacles.  As does your so-called musical talent.”

The look she was giving him would have sent a whole room full of courtiers fleeing.  But Trombone Man just laughed.

“Oh, did I offend you, Ice Queen?”

Did he know?  At any rate, Eska realized that he towered over her by at least a foot, despite her drawing herself up to as full a height as her back would allow.  This would not do.

“If I am the Ice Queen, then you are my subject.  I demand that you swear fealty to me by kneeling.”

She heard three sharp intakes of breath.  But kneel Tahno did, after only a brief pause.  He kept his eyes and his smirk on Eska.  Eska remained outwardly composed (at least she hoped so), but her heart was starting to pound…from anxiety or from something else?

“Of course…you do know what this means, Ice Queen?  Now I must kiss your hand.”

Eska barely had time to process the words before Bolin leapt in between them.

“O-kaaaayyy!” he exclaimed louder than he had to.  “I know we’re all having a wonderful time here, and it was great seeing you again, but look at the clock!  We really have to be going now, so bye and see you at the party, I guess!”

He herded the trio of women out the door, drinks, bags, and all.  Eska didn’t know whether she wanted to thank him or throttle him.

“That was interesting,” Eska mused as they walked back to the Satomobile.  “However, I doubt he would show the submission required to be my husband.”

Bolin choked on his last sip of tea.

“Mental images, Eska!  Mental! Images!” he gasped out.

At least he was starting to show his true self around her.

#legend of korra #fanfic #eska #boleska #now you know why I was looking up tahno a few days ago

[shinythingsorpaperrings]

things about my playlist (super long cause i included lyrics whos surprised)

Right Here, Right Now Right here, Right now I'm looking at you and My Heart love the view Cause you mean everything  im always a sucker for a good hsm song but this moment in the movie just really strongly resonates with me, the desire to make the moment last even though everything is speeding around them

Today Was A Fairytale But can you feel this magic in the air? It must have been the way you kissed me Fell in love when I saw you standing there every day just feels like floating like it really is magic honestly

Hung Up I'm not usually the type of guy to call twice And leave a message every time i think ive only left multiple voicemails for my mum like once

Thunder I don't wanna ever love another You'll always be my thunder So bring on the rain something bout boys like girls just always resonates about us but especially this. i used to play it every day when i spent that summer away

Check Yes Juliet Run, baby, run Don't ever look back They'll tear us apart If you give them the chance we all know how shit romeo and juliet when badly idealised but something about this just made me feel really strongly that it was ok cause of all the issues w my folks but i could run from that and itd still be ok

Two Is Better Than One Cause everything you do and words you say You know that it all takes my breath away this song just brings me back to that first night up against the wall honestly

Mine You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter You are the best thing, that's ever been mine another one of those played everyday, not even just the summer, but literally everyday for a long while. this part was the part that clicked most, that you brought me out of my shell

Love Story And my daddy said "Stay away from Juliet" But you were everything to me, I was begging you, please, don't go  swift is kind of a running theme for my sweet summer tunes, but parts of this song reminded me of what my folks would be like, and the constant (poor) secret-keeping and the constant want to be free to be us

Marry You Is it the look in your eyes or is it this dancing juice Who cares baby, I think I wanna marry you i think its kinda self explanatory

Can I Have This Dance Take my hand, I'll take the lead And every turn will be safe with me Don't be afraid, afraid to fall You know I'll catch you through it all this will never stop being the cheesy fall back memory i have, its another soft moment but i love it so

2002 Now we're under the covers Fast forward to eighteen We are more than lovers Yeah, we are all we need When we're holding each other this song just invokes a lot of early memories, of the way we would belt every song out that would come on, the way that wed fix a playlist like no one else was there

Everything I Ask For Oh she makes me feel like shit (it's always something) But I can't get over it (she thinks it's nothing) 'Cause she's everything I ask for gotta agree with john, wearin red when youre feelin hot. its a good colour for you, yknow

Alone Together I don't know where I'm going But I don't think I'm coming home and I said I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead This is the road to ruin And we're starting at the end we started a mess, we ended a mess, were still a mess, and anything we do going forwards is a mess, but its ok

Still Into You I should be over all the butterflies but I'm into you, I'm into you And even baby our worst nights I'm into you, I'm into you Let 'em wonder how we got this far, 'Cause I don't really need to wonder at all Yeah after all this time I'm still into you  i remember when my dad sent me the video to this song just because of what was on haleys tshirt. i didnt think it would come to stick with me for so long and mean so much

Runaway (U & I) I wanna run away Anywhere out this place I wanna run away Just U and I wouldnt be my playlist if i didnt throw electronic into it. a general running (lmao) theme though isnt it? to want to run away, to find somewhere new to start

Ours Seems like there's always Someone who disapproves, They'll judge it like they know about me and you, And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do, The jury's out, And my choice is you another summer jam. no matter what, this is ours. no one can take that away, nobody but us can change it. it will always be ours

Song 2 You I'll give you my song These words to you Sing you what I feel My soul is true. a little victorious doesnt hurt. its a soft song, mostly about a materialistic girl, but the feeling behind it resonates with me. i love how soft it is, i love the meaning behind it. but most of all i love that its still music thats being used to connect people

Stupid For You You're a symphony, I'm just a sour note I'll take what I can get The best is hard to grip when everybody wants you And everybody wants you basically about feeling just a little not good enough, but still chasin and makin it work. id say im pretty stupid for you though

Right Girl I've never been the best with my mouth Try to stay smart but the dumb comes out Maybe I'm shy, I drive an old car Maybe I'm amazed that I got this far you are the best thing to ever happen and i let my dumbass brain panic itself into doing the wrong thing to the right girl

Rock Bottom That you hate me now and I feel the same way You love me now and I feel the same way We scream and we shout And make up the same day everything culminated to this, to being rock bottom and tossing and turning and trying and maybe not trying enough. everythings still low it still feels like rock bottom while still feeling like theres more to fall. its hard to explain

Trigger Why can't we talk about it Why don't we try I think we can change our minds If we could just look at it through each other's eyes Instead of letting bullets fly i wish, at least for getting through this, we could be better at pushing emotions back to talk, that i could be better at pushing emotions back. i wish i was better at taking a step back and seeing it from another perspective before it got too late

I Really Like You Who gave you eyes like that, said you could keep them? I dunno how to act or if I should be leavin' I'm running outta time, going outta my mind i remember thinking how annoying this was when it came on, but it explains so well this state of limbo, this state of “what can i say, what cant i say”

Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic Every little thing she does is magic Everything she do just turns me on Even though my life before was tragic Now I know my love for her goes on my dad used to play this a lot when i was younger and i forgot it for a while, but something about you sparked me to remember it, to want to hear it on repeat, to belt it despite how quiet it is on spotify, to let it wash over me

How You Get The Girl And then you say I want you for worse or for better I would wait for ever and ever Broke your heart, I'll put it back together I would wait for ever and ever i remember how you used to say you didnt like this song but now it kinda feels like were living it, that someones going to show up on someones door step six months down the line in the pouring rain. or maybe someone wont. but it doesnt stop ever resonating with me so deep in my bones

Be There I'll be the warmth in your empty hotel I'll make it right when you're going through hell I'll be the call when there's no one to tell no matter the situation, ill still be there for you. doesnt matter when, how, what, why, ill be there

Anchor If you’re lost And feel like you’re alone I’ll be the one to guide you home You’ll never have far to go just to really drive the point home with a little tritonal, ill be your anchor, maybe not your rock, im not solid enough, or rooted myself. i sway with the tide but ill still be something you can hold on to

My Life Would Suck Without You Maybe I was stupid For telling you goodbye Maybe I was wrong For tryin' to pick a fight I know that I've got issues But you're pretty messed up too Either way I found out I'm nothing without you i dont care how rocky its been, i refuse to let myself be without you, whatever that entails

Dopamine What you do to me is no good But baby, you're good for me, so good for me We break up to build something new Chasing after what I have with you i think no matter what, it will always feel like what im doing is trying to get back what we had, but not the way it was, more the way we fit together, how we could sit together and be content, to fight and curse each other out but still somehow make it ok, thats what id be chasing after

I’m Yours So I won't hesitate no more, no more It cannot wait I'm sure There's no need to complicate Our time is short This is our fate, I'm yours my heart will always be yours, even if you dont want it, it doesnt plan on going anywhere any time soon. i could leave and it would still stay with you

I Want You Back Oh, baby, give me one more chance To show you that I love you Won't you please let me Back in your heart Oh, darling, I was blind to let you go Let you go baby Cause now since I see you it is all victoria justices voice makes it feel more relevant somehow, maybe its the female voice with the same lyrics, maybe its just the way she sings it, who knows, but this rings pretty fuckin true

Just Wanna Be With You I got a lot of things I have to do All these distractions Our futures coming soon We're being pulled a hundred different directions But whatever happens I know I've got you while comedic in the end of year musical, the rehearsal version really i think really captures the heart of the relationship, that everything is happening everywhere and theres nowhere to stop and breathe but theyre still there for each other, and i will be too

Black Butterflies and Deja Vu I lose my voice when I look at you Can't make a noise though I'm trying to Tell you all the right words Waiting on the right words one of my favourites off the album, i hadnt found one i connected with much off the american candy album, except for ‘miles away’ perhaps, but then LLL dropped with this as a single and it just clicked so much with me. i find it so hard to tell you all the things i want to, the right things to tell you, its hard to ask you to be patient for me to get out what i want to, and i always end up sticking my foot in it, but one day ill get it right

Marry Me Forever can never be long enough for me To feel like I've had long enough with you a soft way to end this playlist, a perfect way to end it i think

#jasmine shut up #needed to get this out tbh

[strawberryspeachy]

3 years ago my cat had kittens... i could still talk to my mom kind of.... and... things were ok aside from me being upset over some dumb boy

And i was thinking how i wanna go back. I miss my mom so much i want to go back. And was like. Well that wasnt a good time, a year before was better right?

Leading me to the reason why I was so miserable as a kid.

Look. Im a miserable person - i dont want to blame it all on one person but fuck man...

Everytime i think about times where i was happy, i realize SHE was the reason I WASNT.

Middle school - i had friends. I was smart. I liked school. I had hobbies and dreams. But i never wanted to leave school because i didnt want to come home. I didnt want to come home becauae of HER

I keep saying her like im talkig about my mom. Im not. Im talking about my great grandmother

I just sat here for 10 minites telling myself im stupid and making things up and making things out to be worse than they are.... i bet that thinking comes from her in all honesty

Thinking, “did she love me?” Now. I dont care. I dont miss her. Everytime i think about her its upsetting that i had her in my life... the only good thing i can ever say about her is “i know what its like to have a strict parent” THATS NOT GOOD. like fucking thanks for screaming at me every holiday to eat correctly. Now i know table manners. Thats all you did for me - while making me dread every fucking family dinner which aside from you was wonderful because my family used to be cool.

She ruined every holiday. She didnt want decorations. Were were gonna burn down the house. We were making a mess. We were being loud. She doesnt want this or that in HER HOUSE. She constantly chased everyone out the door because she NEVER had anything nice to say. The second she entered the room everyone made excuses to leave. When shed open her fucking creaking door the laughter would stop, smiles turn to cringes and wed all look at each other with the “welp the funs over” face

She was just so mean. You cant be happy because you’re not doing something she wanted you to do. Or you fucked something up. Theres some reason that youre supposed to be upset or concerned. BUT YOU CANT WIN THAT WAY EITHER - if youre upset - how dare you. You have so many good things you entitled undeserving brat. Fucking appriciate everything. The best way was some mixture where you smile but are ready to be pissed the fuck off in a moments notice. Cause if you wete more pissed off than she was the yelling was cut in half and mostly just her telling you not to give her that attitude - instead of a whole lecture on why you’re a fucking failure.

Everytime i think of a better time in my life. Its not even that much better because of that demon in my life. Constantly teling me shes gonna kick me out of the house. Constantly telling me im a burden to my mom. Constantly telling me im the reason for all her problems and saying that my animals were going to banrupt her.

The only thing i did well in her eyes was that i got good grades in school. She beleived my report card. Thats all. Pretty amazing that she could beleive that but thought i was too damn stupid to graduate college because there was a physical paper in front of her that she recognized

If i cooked or cleaned i did it wrong - if i didnt i should have

Why am i always at my best friends house?! “Her family doesnt want you there!!”

Why dont you play with your animals?!? Stop making noise playing with your animals!!

There was no escaping her. I broke my nose in a car accident and my friends mom took me for surgery. She came running out of the house to complain to my friends mom about how she could have taken me but i didnt ask her and im so awful - right after my surgery. Cause like why dont you want someone whose constantly bitching at you and telling you how shit you are to take you to a stressful surgery?

Conditional love... i already knew that... but its like the first time ive used it myself and havent just attributed the description.

She was my step - great grandmother. Shes all i ever knew but we werent blood related.

She loved my grandfather and my aunt and even my aunts two kids - the way family loves. She was still a bitch but she didnt disown them when they bugged her

The rest of us. Including my mom. Conditional love. Its not like she never did nice things. But she did expecting something in return.

Maybe shes why i dont like dealing with people im not allowed to say no to. Like i have such a deep seeded hatred for that relationship that the second i sense it i just refuse to deal with it again. You couldnt say no to her. You couldnt. If you said no to her about ANYTHING pack your fucking bags and get the hell out of HER HOUSE. that was her favorite two words. She needed my moms and grandfathers help and asked them to move in. But. We were guests in HER HOUSE.

I had some trauma as a kid that I probably would have gotten over if the happy family i knew before we moved to my great grandmothers stayed that way. But my aunt was always miserable. My uncle ran away as fast as possible. And my mom. A people pleaser. You know those old traditions where a man marrys and then he fucks off and does whatever he wants leaving his wife to serve his parents hand and foot. That was my moms life. He cheated on her and the demon made fun of her for everything, apparently constantly telling “dumb poloc” jokes. My mom cleaned everyday and cooked and took care of everyone and took care of our farm basically alone. I tried to help... i was a kid... and she was depressed. You wouldn’t know if you didnt really listen - which no one else in my family did.

And i looked at my mom everyday. I didnt really get it. All i knew was she was a wonderful kind generous happy - all around best human. And yet. Her life sucked. And she was sad. And i wonder if my mom would have been so sad if not for the demon...

My grandfather loved his mom.... but he used to never come in the house. My whole life. He was always out. The moment she died, he was always in the house. Maybe because he missed her and was sad.... but... i dont think so.... he stopped drinking a case of beer every night too

This whole post just to say... im mad that if goven the chance... im not sure if id go back to any of those times where i had to live with the demon... even though everything else at those times were good... the amount of stress and misery she gave me... almost outweigh the good... and. There was alot of good. I miss so many things.

I wanna be with my mom again. Without the dementia. I wanna be with my animals. I wanna be with my friends. I want second chances. I wanna make changes.

I loved her dude...i used to wish good things on her... i beleived she truely cared about me...

When she was dying. She couldn’t talk. Her friend called. I offered to put the phone to her ear. The friend was dismayed when i aswered. The tone of her voice changed. And she went “oh. The granddaughter.” She asked to talk to the demon as though i was holding the phone away from her and like i just wanted to hear whatever secrets she may have and wouldnt actually put it to her ear. She hung up angerly... as though... i wasnt an upset family member... i got preoccupied by the pleading look in my greatgrandmothers eyes. She wanted me to put the phone to her ear... but the woman had already hung up. I told her she had to go but said shes thinking of her. She looked so disappointed that she couldn’t hear it herself. And i felt... still feel bad... for the dying woman in her last days...

But maybe if she hadnt constantly talked about me as though i was the worst person because i dared to live my life the same as my aunt with animals and friends. But then go off to college but take a server job when o couldnt find a better one. Talked about me like i tried to kill her myself and that i was so lazy and rude and terrible. Maybe. Her bitchy friend. Wouldnt have hung up upon even having to interact with me

And then. Even in death. She made sure that i knew my place. she wrote her obituary herself. She put my aunts kids who are 13+ years younger than me, ahead of me, when listing her great grandchildren.

[completelypissed-blog]

Never again will i ever never be me

All my post were about a year or two into the relationship. You can see that I was insecure and unsure how to really take his actions was i wrong to think a certain way was I closed minded because I had never been in a relationship before this. I dont remember it being that harsh in the beggining and maybe thats because it got worse. I pretty much lived with him I never went home. We did everything together and I loved him so much and I thought he loved me and maybe he thought so to but it was a lie. Little things i did would piss him off to the point where he would ignore me completely. He started calling me stupid and useless. Sometimes he would ignore me for days. The worst part is he would play on my insecurities he would make me feel like I was just screwing up all the time when in reality it just wasnt the way he wanted it done. I tried to tell him how i felt but he said it didnt matter that the point was i had made him mad and i had to make it up to him but the way he wanted me to would always change to the point where I felt like i was literally jumping through hoops as he whipped insult after insult at me. If i got mad he would become angry, if i didnt console him and get over my anger by myself at the same time he would threaten to leave. He kept putting everything on me to the point where i truly believed everything was my fault. He became unemployed i started paying for electricity and bills, food...etc. He started talking to a girl and when i got insecure he made me feel worse by saying i didnt trust him that i wouldnt let him have friends. So i let him talk to her even though my instincts told me he liked her and she liked him and one day when i went to work he fucked her that day i felt something was up the shower had been ran it made me feel suspicious then he wouldnt let me touch him saying he had masturbated and his dick was raw...i even had a nightmare where he fucked her and i walked in on them and he consoled me reasurring me that he wasnt intrested in her do left it and he continued to talk to her. He tried to break up with me and broke down and told me and i forgave him I stayed with him...so stupid really. I lost more money in the place we were staying and then due to complications and an eviction notice moved in with my parents. For a while things were great we hardly argued and he was tolerant of any mistake i made just like i was to him as usual. Then he started to ignore me became frustrated at the tiny things people shrug their shoulders at. Expected me to sweep him off his feet everytime he became upset while he hypocritically shoved off my own feelings. I was all about him to the point of even though i lived with my parents i hardly saw them. I spent all my money on him I took him anywhere he wanted to go i cooked when he worked loved on him while he played video games it was never enough. He always said I never showed enough effort. When ever i tried to tell my side of an arguement he called it an excuse and a waste of time. Soon I had to change and he insisted i had to...he never looked in the mirror never wanted to hear my problems with him or things he did wrong only i had to change for him. He would belittle me to try to get me to change ignore me to teach me a lesson and at a few times used the chick he fucked to get inside my head and prey upon my insecurities. I tried to break up he came back and i still loved him. He tried to humiliate me in front of my family which outraged them and for awhile due to them lecturing him we were ok but apparently he wasnt satisfied. He just wanted to appease my parents he still wanted me to change and still refused to think about how he was treating me. I was walking on glass i had lost my confidence i just didnt want to make him angry mu goal everyday was just to have a good one and i never succeded once. Break and egg wrong, look at him a certain way, not apologize correctly there was always something. It got to the point where he admitted he was trying to fix me like i was broken...still i showed no effort in his eyes, and wasting time became his biggest pet peeve. Especially when it came to me trying to explain myself instead of making it up to him in the exact way he wanted me to. He tried texting the girl he fucked just nonchalantly and i became upset but he couldnt wrap his head around why why i wouldnt want him talking to the girl he had stabbed me in the back with. Made me feel bad like i should trust him and be ok with it that i was being closed minded. He didnt understand or didnt care. By now hed had a job amd had quit again he lasted almost two months then i was taking care of him againwhich i didnt mind i loved him. We went camping i was extremely excited it was a family tradition and i had been wanting to experience with him. Worst mistake of my relationship. He asked for a cig then because i dont like people smoking cigs he tried to love on me and didnt hear me when i said i loved him back. When he came back he wouldnt talk to me i cried and vegetated for almost the whole day. When i found out why he was being that way i tried to explain myself thinking if he knew he just hadnt heard me then he would get over it like i normal person...no he didnt believe me as tho i was some spiteful bitch bent on upsetting him and he didnt care excuses were a waste of time i had to make him feel better in the middle of the woods i didnt know what to do. He stayed mad then threatened to walk home if i didnt take him...like i was going to let him walk i had to tell my family we were leaving early after hardly spending anytime with them due to our fight...which to me was like saying fuck you to my entire family. I yelled at him the entire way home but he got what he wanted. He continued to be angry at me belittle me ignore me walk away from me and sometimes he would even mock my crying even when we went out with my mother something would go wrong and wed have a terrible time. I slowly became more and more frustrated and the onesidedness of it all...but i loved him. To him i just started to waste more time explaining things when i should be making him feel better. One day he made lentils and he wanted chips to dip and i didnt and emphasized that fact he proceded to throw chips into my soup and when i looked at him angrily because he had pretty much done the exact opposite of what i wanted something he complained so much about me doing he became mad himself and i had to get over the fact that he had pissed me off and kiss his ass. Which made me even more frustrated. Finally the day arrived we were making tuna sandwiches and i was growing more and more frustrated because he kept taking away the vegetables i was cutting because i wasnt doing it "right" i slowly became less enthused and quieter. Instead of acknowledging which to him is the first step in apologizing he became frustrated with me started asking me degradingly what the next step was and because i didnt know how he wanted it made i didnt know the answer he started to walk away i became panicked i had cracked the glass. I explained that i too was frustrated i wanted him to care he didnt he wanted me to get over it and console him feeling conflicted because i was angry myself and he didnt care i let him leave. He called me told me i was a selfish and stupid bitch going on and on insulting me telling me ge was thinking about leaving me over this shit...i began to cry i loved him he said i needed to figure out how to make it up to him he didnt care if i was upset as well. He mocked me for crying. All this time in the back of my head my past self is resurfacing going wtf and dont talk to me like that im not stupid this situation your ridiculous anger is stupid. So as he yelled at me again to figure it out or he would leave...i snapped i started shouting at the top of my lungs all the unfairness he started to tell me to shut up something he loved to do when i started voicing any opinion he didnt agree with at first i listened then i said fuck u i told him he needed to reflect on his own actions not only mine that he was a hyprocrite and selfish not only for not caring i was upset but also by walking away something i stopped doing for him cuz it upset him. I told him i wasnt stupid the fact that he gets angry over all these little things was ridiculous he as usual refused to listen. He said fine why be together at all and said it was over i repeatedly told him i loved him and i didnt want to end it like this he didnt care. He came got his stuff and left i texted him and called him probably 40 times pleading he come back because i loved him i didnt want to waste almost four years i missed him. And its sad because in two days i got over him in two days i became excited at all the things id get to do again now that i wasnt with him the freedom and happiness i felt now that i didnt have someone bearing down on me making me scared to make them angry or face a bad day. And the tuna sandwiches he made were disgusting. Im more myself in these few days then i had been in that entire 4 yr relationship.

#Bad relationship #emotionally abusive #love #hate #fuck him #ass hat #coward #moocher #reflect #hypocrite #happiness #myself again #freedom #fuck it