#i got tired of everyone shitting on me and the things i like!!!

[thisapplepielife]

Written for the @steddieholidaydrabbles pop-up Graduation challenge.

What's A Little Grand Theft Auto Between Friends?

Prompt: Graduation | Word Count: 1000 | Rating: T | CW: Language, Nudity for Comedy, Smoking, Brief Mention of Underage Drinking | Tags: Post S2, Class of '85 Graduation Party at the Quarry, Randomly Teaming Up, And Then Having Fun Together, Steve Gets an Alternate Introduction to Eddie's Hot-Wiring Skills, Steve Ain't Body Shy, He Spent Too Many Years in Locker Rooms, Pre-Steddie

Coming tonight was a mistake, he's realized, because Steve isn't comfortable with this crowd, not anymore. 

Decision made: He's leaving.

He places his plastic cup down on the open tailgate of a truck he's passing by.

"Thanks for the trash, Harrington," comes the snapping snarl, and Steve stops. He hadn't realized there was anyone sitting in the back of the truck. But there's Munson, in all black, blending into the night. The only thing visible, the cherry on the end of his lit cigarette.

"Sorry, man," Steve says, leaning up against the side of the pickup, "I didn't want to just, you know, throw it on the ground."

"How noble," Munson says, dripping with sarcasm.

Steve's too tired for another snotty showdown. Graduation party at the quarry sounded neutral enough, but he was wrong. He's done dealing with everyone, and everything, from Hawkins High.

Except Henderson and the kids. But they haven't started HHS yet, so they totally don't count, and tonight he can hate everything about the place.

Including the crown prince of shitty attitudes, Eddie "The Freak" Munson. 

Steve takes the few steps back, grabs the cup, slings the beer that was mostly untouched into the grass. Holding up the empty cup to show Munson he's corrected this horrible offense. 

"That's more like it," Munson says, cigarette dangling from his lip.

"Well, that's my cue," Steve says, and keeps walking.

"Wait! Wait a second," Munson asks, no demands, and Steve has no idea why he even thinks about going back, let alone does it.

But he does.

Backpedaling the few steps until he can almost see Munson again.

"What?" Steve asks. 

"You leaving already?" Munson questions, and Steve just bobbles his head, because yeah, obviously.

"Can I get a ride back to town?" Munson asks, and Steve arches an eyebrow.

"Is this not your truck?" Steve asks.

"Nope," Munson answers, and Steve's hand flies up to toss the empty cup right at Munson's forehead.

Munson bats it away, laughing, as it clatters around noisily in the truck bed.

"You're a dickhead," Steve says, but then just wheels his arm around, silently telling Munson to hurry up if he's coming. Munson grins, wide and wolfish, hopping over the side with ease, landing on both feet with a resounding thud.

Then he holds out his arm in a sweeping after you gesture. Steve shakes his head and starts walking back to his car, hoping like hell he's not blocked in.

He is. 

"Well, shit."

"I got this," Munson says, trying the doors of both cars boxing them in, nearly touching bumper. Billy and Tommy, of fucking course. 

The Camaro is locked, but Tommy's isn't, and Munson slides into the driver's seat. Curious, Steve sinks into the passenger seat. 

Munson pulls out a multi-tool of some kind, and before Steve has a chance to realize exactly what he's doing, Munson has the cables pulled out from under the dash.

"Holy shit," Steve says, leaning closer, "where'd you learn to do that?"

"Well, when the other dads were teaching their kids how to fish or play ball, my old man was teaching me how to hot-wire. Now, I swore I wouldn't wind up like he did, but they wanna be dickheads? We'll all be dickheads. What's a little grand theft auto between friends?"

Friends. They aren't friends, and Steve's aware of that fact, acutely. But he'd be lying if it didn't feel kinda nice to hear from someone, even as a lie.

So, Steve grins, "Not a thing. Friend."

Eddie backs up Tommy's car, then pulls the wires, killing the engine. Afterwards, he stuffs everything back up under the dash. 

"Won't that-" Steve starts.

"Yup," Eddie answers, "gonna be deader than shit and he's gonna have no idea why."

"My man," Steve says, holding up his fist, and Eddie eyes him, but eventually bumps it back. "Thanks. This is hilarious, and he'll never suspect me. Like, I can't do that, and Tommy knows it."

"That's why it's good to have shady characters on your side, Harrington."

"Guess so," Steve agrees, and once they're back in Steve's car, Steve backs up, pulling away, easily.

Eddie digs his cigarettes out of his jacket pocket, "Can I?"

"Only if you light me one," Steve answers, watching as Eddie slides the cigarette along his own bottom lip, into his mouth, puffing as he lights it, then reaches over to place it between Steve's parted lips.

Steve feels funny about it, in a way he doesn't exactly understand, just for a second, before shaking it off.

"So, why was King Steve bailing so early tonight?" Eddie asks.

"Eh, I don't know. Guess I realized I'd graduated and had no interest in seeing any of those assholes again."

"Well, I didn't graduate, but same."

"You didn't graduate?" 

"Nah, maybe the third time will be the charm," Eddie answers. "Going from King Steve, to running as fast as you can. I'm proud of you, big boy."

It's so unexpected, Steve's sure he looks stupid, before he busts out laughing, "Well, that's a new one."

"Really? Are the rumors not true? I'll be so disappointed," Eddie asks, looking dramatic, feet now resting on Steve's dashboard. Steve doesn't have the energy to tell him no.

"What rumors?"

"About your big dick, man. Girls talk. I listen."

What? That's. What?

"Well, I gotta piss, so you can take a gander for yourself, I guess," Steve banters, parking and hopping out of the car along the dirt road. 

He knows Eddie doesn't actually wanna look, but two can play this game.

So, Steve doesn't go to the trunk, to the cover of darkness. No, he heads right up front, illuminated by headlights, and takes his dick into his hand. Lays it on his palm, like he's presenting it.

He looks through the windshield, but can't really see Eddie's reaction. Bummer.

But, then Eddie's hand pops out of the passenger window, giving him a big thumbs up.

And Steve tosses his head back, laughing.

If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @steddieholidaydrabbles and follow along with the fun!

If you want to see more of my entries into this challenge, you can check them out in my Steddie Holiday Drabbles tag, right here!

#steddieholidaydrabbles #graduation #steddie #steddie ficlet #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie fic #thisapplepielife: short fic #thisapplepielife: steddieholidaydrabbles

[parasolyaa]

give me rtc character hcs for being in the subway for the first time

i love how this implies that they’ve never been in the subway before. well, since most of them almost never left uranium, this checks.

ocean — she always advocated for public transportation (and for some reason believed it wasn’t widely used, probably because she assumed everyone could use a car and subway was for noble people who cared for the environment), but if she ever went to a big city, she never stayed there for long, and usually walked by foot. when she actually used the subway for the first time, she decided to hand out flyers that said something like “thank you for choosing public transit! here are some other ways you can help the planet (…)”. ended up absolutely overwhelmed and in a taxi, wiping tears with the flyers no-one seemed to like. wonder why.

noel — romanticized the shit out of paris metropolitan, said he researched all about it and prided himself on being more knowledgeable of it than a local. when he got to go to france (probs a family/school trip when he was a teen) he bought an overpriced graphic t-shirt with the metropolitan map and confidently entered the underground. immediately got disappointed it wasn’t all gothic catacombs, and accidentally sat on a wrong train. had to take off his t-shirt and figure out where he was, and after two hours of being chest naked in the french underground and hopping from one wrong train to another even wronger train a kind passer-by pointed out that the print on his tee was of marseille, not paris. he spent an extra hour figuring out the correct map and asking for directions in broken french (the locals despised him). he entirely missed the drag show he waited for, and ever since then grew to hate the french underground.

mischa — is in on a ukrainian inside joke about metro in odesa. successfuly convinced all choir that there’s metro in odesa. there is no metro in odesa.

there’s also a ukrainian book called toreadors from vasyukivka, where two boys want to build a metro in their village, so they dig a big hole in their yard and a cow accidentally falls into it. safe to say their idea doesn’t stick. at some point these boys get to kyiv and immediately get lost in metro there. that’s 100% mischa. he did this i was the cow.

also he always finds ways not to pay for his ride: jumps over the tourniquet’s, crawls under them, squeezes in with a person in front of him etc. sometimes gets extremely bored and hides in a train wagon when it reaches the final stop, and stays in it when it goes to depo.

ricky — his parents drove him everywhere by car, and told the tales about toronto subway being inaccessible, dangerous and full of freaks. he never believed them. at some point (maybe in a trip with the choir) he got to travel by subway himslef. it was, in fact, a bit of an unpleasant experience, but he found out that it sucks on his own terms and was lowkey proud.

also he was listening to some cringefail furry music (i do not know if furry music is a thing but it will be now) and realised his earphones disconnected and he was blasting it to everyone only after he got home.

penny — had a secret hiding spot in toronto subway where she could keep her things and return to see them intact. she and ezra hid there often and spied on people, sometimes picking up what fell out of their purses — like pieces of candy or pennies (get it? penny? pennies? penis?). they never stayed there for long tho cause it was too overwhelmingly loud.

one time she went to that place and realised some construction workers occupied it. she was emotionally devastated.

constance — always saves the seat for the elderly, disabled and other people who might need it, and people always thank her plenty when she does so. actually never ever sat on a train seat unless the wagon was mostly empty. however, one times she had a horribly tiring + devastating + bad day and decided to sit down for once. got called 10 slurs by an old guy who didn’t see there was another free seat and ocean then told her she should have thought about others first. when she got home she wrote an angry vent in her musical diary (yk, the ones that open with a password and then play a one direction song or smth) with a fluffy pen.

+ talia — she is a subway rat. has a love/hate relationship with obolon station. has beef with pochayna station. she herself is from solomyanka region of kyiv where there is no subway. considers it her curse.

thank you folks for reading this, feel free to send me asks for headcanons!

#ride the cyclone #rtc #ocean o'connell rosenberg #ocean rosenberg #noel gruber #mischa bachinski #misha bachinskyi #ricky potts #penny lamb #constance blackwood #talia bolinska #talia moruska bolinska

[witherwallflower]

TWENTY - ONE

🎂🦢🌙

“you’d be the love of my life when i was young”

“i made a mistake and i’ll tell you im sorry,, sorry”

𝜗𝜚⊹₊⋆

summary: taylor devoras makes a song called “21” about her youtube influencer ex, chris sturniolo. can this song bring them back together or make things worse?

warning: hate comments ig?

previously…

COMMENTS DISABLED

~ taylor devora

“CHRIS 🧡🦋 sent you a message.”

my phone read, “what the fuck.”

after me and chris broke up months ago, we never really kept contact. yes we did end it on okay terms, but we hadn’t spoken to each other after that. we would only be around each other when i’d come over to hang out with nick or matt, just sharing small glances.

something in me told me not to open the message but i do miss chris dearly and im kind of curious on what he has to say. i clicked on the notification.

“holy shit” at this point i had zero idea on what to do. reply? leave it on read?

i ended up just sending back a quick

to put my mind at ease, i opened my instagram.

opening the comments was probably something i mostly regret.

“boring ass song”

“oh fuck you 😂. chris deserves better”

“you do not deserve a platform lmaoooo”

and so much more, filled my comment section. my vision started to blur by tears forming in my eyes. hate comments never really got to me this bad but for some reason now, it’s hitting me.

most of these people are part of the sturniolo fandom which makes a lot of sense, but im so tired of this. people nagging me, sending threats, being called names.

out of everything i can do, i just chosen to turn off comments for all my posts.

i’ve decided this is enough for today. sighing, i put my phone down and just laid in bed, slowly letting sleep take over.

~ chris sturniolo

“i missed your 21st birthday….” replays back into my headphones for the hundred time. 

after taylor released her song, i can’t stop listening. no matter how many times i’ll tell people, including myself that i don’t want taylor again, i know im lying straight through my teeth.

i regret ending stuff with her, i regret wanting to put this new lifestyle over her, i regret telling her to just leave. i regret it all.

id do anything to go back to the day we broke up and just change my mind. all of this thinking of her had me picking up my phone, finding her contact and typing out, “hey, the songs fire. i know we don’t talk anymore but im proud of you taylor”

i know maybe sending this could be wrong but i just want to text her again. i hit send. i stared at the message while biting my nails out of being nervous.

it felt like forever until i saw the 3 dot bubble of her typing back.

“thanks chris, it means a lot” i sighed in a bit of relief, because she could’ve said something real worse like to leave her alone or something.

i went onto her instagram and started scrolling through her posts. she looks…happy, which makes me glad. i pressed the comment button and saw the mix of hate and support.

i know i need to speak up for her, she did nothing wrong. but im too hesitant and i don’t want to say the wrong thing.

i got up to go up to matts room. when i reached his door i knocked a couple of times before entering. when i got in he was just on his phone laying in bed.

“matt i need help” i said while sitting down on the edge of his bed

“what is it?” he asked me, still looking at his phone.

“well you know how ever since me and taylor broke up, everyone keeps hating on her and assuming the worse for her?” i said pausing to quickly look at him. he took his eyes off his phone and just nodded at me.

“do you think i should say something about it to maybe help all of the hate towards her?” still making eye contact with him

“i mean obviously… she does nothing to deserve all that.”

i looked down at my feet slightly nodding, because i know he’s right.

mahli talks! HI GUYSSSS!!!! im actually so proud on how much im actually doing for this story, it’s really bringing the writer of me back out and just ahhh!! i want to start a taglist so please lmk if u wanna b part of it! love ya 🩷

#mahli talks! #gracie abrams #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #nick sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #minor gracie abrams #witherwallflower

[bettyfrommars]

E2 % 💛

Jo, my friend, my dearest

Your person is nightmare!Eddie, your Place is a Drive-in Theater, and your Thing is Farrah Fawcett Hairspray

18+ONLY, references to 1950's horror, mention of blood, gender neutral reader, references to gore

word count: 514

The ground fell out from under you, losing all gravity like you were on a rollercoaster drop, plummeting into the ether, screaming into the seemingly vast nothingness.

And then, all of a sudden, you were jolted into a seated position, stunned, plopping down into the passenger seat next to Eddie with a grunt.

In his van, through the windshield, you could see an old black and white film playing on an outdoor screen. Apparently, there was some type of giant blob terrorizing the neighborhood.

"Just in time, this is the best part," he muffled around a fist full of popcorn, before thrusting the bucket at you. "Want some?"

You plucked a single kernel out, still trying to find your bearings after what felt like a freefall from the top of a skyscraper.

"Where are we?" But as the question came out of your mouth, you looked around at all of the parked cars, realizing it was, indeed, a Drive-In Theater of sorts.

You added the "of sorts" because, from what you could tell, there was no one inside any of the vehicles, they'd all been abandoned. Some had flat tires and shattered windows, some were left with their doors wide open. Leaning over to get a better look out the window, you saw something that looked very much like blood smeared over the windows of the Chrysler Lebaron at your right.

"Hey," he said softly. "You good? Takes a minute to adjust to the dimension shift. Take a deep breath for me, okay?"

You were about to ask where everyone was, but when you turned to meet his gaze, you stopped short to stare at him, mouth agape.

From the speaker mounted next to you on the door, the woman on the screen shrieked a long wail.

"Eddie?"

"That's my name, sweetheart."

You frowned in contemplation. "Did you do something different with your hair?"

It looked like he'd taken a blow dryer and a round brush to his locks and really...styled it. The bangs were curled under like a tunnel across his forehead, and the rest was ratted high and wide, framing his face like a Frilled Lizard on the attack.

He patted at it with a cautious hand. "Do you like it? Steve left his hairspray in the locker room at work, and I used a little, just to try it. I I'm not really a hair product guy, you know?"

"It looks..." you searched for the words as if English was foreign to you. "I mean, it looks great? I just need to get used to it I think."

"Oh shit, did you see that?" He was back to shouting at the screen again, eagerly shoving popcorn in his mouth with butter-slick fingers. "Lady, you are so dead."

More dramatic screaming from the speakers.

You noticed there was blood dripping off of the Dodge Omni in front of you, and a severed hand on the bumper.

"Damn, I missed you," Eddie grinned, lips glistening. Was he wearing tinted ChapStick too?

"I missed you more," you lunged to kiss the side of his mouth, sank your hand in for a scoop of popcorn, and then got settle back in your seat to enjoy the rest of the movie.

#Pick Your Poison blurb game #blurb game #Eddie Munson blurb #the nightmare factory #nightmare!Eddie #Jo 🦷

[bailaconox]

i spend an hr upstairs watching tv with my mom and she just said "You Talk A Lot"........ but she also has been complaining for months that i never come out of my room anymore and talk to her.......... okay cool 👍

#personal #ya this is why i dont hang out in the living room anymore 😐 #im just like. talking about things. my interests and whatnot. and every time without fail someone gets annoyed with me for it!!!!!!! #i got tired of people groaning when i dare even look at the remote! i got tired of people leaving when i watch my shows! #i got tired of everyone shitting on me and the things i like!!! #like.. why would i spend time up here when i know i am not actually welcome.. #anyway aha...

[averwonders]

It's about time people need to stop thinking of dialects and accents (especially minority and rural ones) as a judging factor or something to mock. People shouldn't have to feel ashamed, humiliated, insecure or fear of being judged for having a hint of their native dialect/accent while speaking the standard version of a language or even speaking in them completely at a new place.

#I'm tired of the mistreatment dialects and accents get #especially in the cities #like just cause a person is speaking in an accent they become backwards or illiterate? #how stupid is that #we need to embrace our dialects and accents #we need to give them the respect they deserve #this is me crying over the fact that i never learnt to speak my native dialect cause i grew up in different cities and got mixed vocab #although i can understand it cause everyone else in my family speaks it #awadhi my beloved #aver does shit post #dialects #accents #linguistics #desiblr #why are asian societies so judging ㅠㅠ #it's so sad to see dialects and accents being in the list of things that make people feel insecure #someone's accent isn't something to joke about or mock #it isn't cool to find accents entertaining to laugh at #having accents doesn't make someone an alien for you to judge

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

uh, ladies? i don't feel ready to turn 27

#personal #i currently have 68 euros on my bank account bc two of my pays have been late again #upside: my rent is payed! downside: i am not sure i can currently afford breakfast ajkfdshg #and i got humiliated in an auto body shop and spilled stale mozzarella water all over myself #and got yelled at by random guys to not park literally right in front of my building #and work has been shit #and uni as well #and this is just not how i imagined my 27th birthday lol #to be fair it is tomorrow not today #but still #anyway i wanted to scream into the void #i am overworked and tired and i have been ill for over a week #and i feel like everyone is mad at me and i am continuing to make Wrong choices aaskjfdsg #i hope it is Just A Feeling #and not actual reality #adsjfhghjgfdh #anygay i have emerged to be Sad Emo uwu and now i return to my regularly scheduled suffering #pls someone tell me it's normal for your late 20's to feel like this askfjdshjgdfhjd and i can still have nice things

[robinsnest2111]

one of my most irritating and annoying traits: when I'm mentally zoned in on a thing and have all the details in my mind, NOTHING ELSE WILL DO. NO SUBSTITUTIONS, NO APPROXIMATIONS, THIS EXACT THING OR DEATH

#i used to drive my entire family absolutely bonkers with this #like. when i was 13 and totally obsessed with hetalia i wanted a coat and boots Just Like Russia #my aunt took me shopping. we looked all over the city and i tried on some good coats and boots #BUT NONE OF THEM WERE THE RIGHT CUT OR FIT OR DETAILS WERE MISSING #and i ended up going back home empty handed. leaving everyone involved frustrated beyond belief #also several other instances. when i was expecting a certain meal but things changed last minute? i would NOT be eating anything at all #everyone hated me for that. got yelled at so much over it #and now this coat thing augh. not this shit again i am so tired of myself already haha

[janiedean]

i would beg my brain chemistry to magically realign itself on a sensed wavelength before I end up begging for meds i don’t think it’s too much to ask is it /s

#personal for ts #ngl i get why therapist would rather not but god i just cried for twenty minutes #because i couldn’t find the thing you use to put water in the iron #and i looked at the living room desk which is a complete mess and burst out in tears #i’m late answering EVERYTHING I can’t bring myself to get out of bed at the right time in the morning #I need to finish commissions and I can’t do three sentences #and ofc 90% of the relatives think that i either need to calm down and NO NEED TO STRESS or think i have no reason to be stressed anyway #i’m so fucking tired #and like i know that i’m shit at getting over things quick and i just got worse with age #idek what i’m getting at #and i feel ridiculous bc ik what kicked me into the spiral #and i need to get the fuck over it because there is no way i’m getting any closure on that front #i KNOW that #but my brain doesn’t i guess #we’re back at i am this picture and i don’t like ir while staring at stannis baratheon aren’t we #sigh #anyway sorry for the debbiedownering s2g im answering everyone soon

[strangerhands]

mmmmm heyyy👁️. ive basically been gone from tumblr for over two days because ive been feeling like a shitty piece of shit. BUT. i finally saw dune part 2 and ohmygoddddd it was so so good. but yes. i was missing leto so bad the entire time. Father come back pls. i need you.

#it was so good tho #like so cool i was internally freaking out about how cool things looked #the fight scenes🤌 #the environments/settings🤌 #all of the fuckin machinery🤌 #the acting🤌 #the everything🤌 #yum #also i dont find austin butler attractive but funnily enough feyd was the only time ive found him hot😭 yes i have issues. but like. okayyy.. #i watched it alone and i wish doing things alone wasnt seen as such a weird or sad thing like. theres nothing wrong with it #sorta vent-> #but basically ive been feeling like an annoying piece of shit so ive been staying off of here for the most part #because ive been convincing myself no one likes me and everyone in my life would be better off without me😝😝 #just tee bee ehch #and idk i was just feeling like ass and was doing nothing and when i finally would go to use tumblr i was already too tired to do shit #so i just went to sleep #and i was busy today #yesterday* #and ill probably be a bit busy today too but idk maybe hopefully ill catch up a bit #idk ya boys just been hating himself like usual but not as usual bc it was worse but it is what it is #i felt a bit better yesterday though #and also my new antidepressants ive been on havent been doing shit for me so im going back to a previous one i used to be on so yea #hopefully that helps soonish idk #i never vent on here so i feel kinda bad for doing so but i just wanted to puke my thoughts here #also since im already here complaining ive just like. not written at allllllll basically like i got into my head and made myself discouraged #so. that sucks. but also nothing out of the ordinary there #why does Everything i say sound so embarrassingly depressing and pathetic hhhhhhhgggggggggggggghhhghghg #anyways yea i was doing bad im still not doing good but hopefully will be a bit better so ill be back and caught up later today or tomorrow #idk if anyone gave a fuck or noticed but i just like complaining into the void so yea #talkin shit

[etoilesbienne]

qsmp has been so fun for me so far genuinely this is some of the most fandom interaction ive had in like. a LONG ass time that doesn't feel like im the one in charge and having to make fandom content to like appease people (it's happened like... a lot.) it's just like really fun. to just babble on here and people jump around and dance with me about whatever im talking about because we're all a lil bananers. together

#posts from the aether #genuinely every fandom for the last like 5 years ive been in #where i interact a ton #has been in a sense of me making the content for others to be excited about #and after a while that shit gets Tiring #qsmp tumblr fandom is like just small and close knit enough that everyone gets sillay together while being #able to interact together relatively often #also like being able to live react to things helps it feels like we have a movie night going on all the time... its so fun #this got a little long but ily guys 🫶

[bootyful-seventeen]

i am too mentally exhausted to even deal with this shit anymore with my mom and grandma and low key wish i'd go comatose for a few years to be left alone tbh

#had a clean up service come by to see the damage and give a quote on the estimate and my grandma wasnt having it #she got upset and started crying to them about she has only 1 daughter and is trying to help her and they're trying to tell her that keepin #all that junk isn't gonna be helping anyone especially my mom but she wasn't getting it and i said i'm not helping clean the junk that's #all around the house cuz i'm tired of it all and having to manage my emotions since i am for sure emtotionally stunted from my childhood #and have to deal with a schitzophrenic mom and an absent sister who's balls deep in denial while i'm struggling to find a job here #and my grandma always stressing me ot saying she's gonna kick me out isn't fucking helping here at all like she thinks it does #so when they left she spent all day sobbing on the phone how i'm a terrible granddaughter who wants to throw out good stuff #when i'm not gonna keep helping sell shit for my mom cuz my sister can do it as her family contribution since she did nothing since dad die #and the thing is i gave them all options on clearing shit out cuz i know this family by now and shit doesn't get tossed but it migrates #cuz i said months ago i can ask some friends if they could come down and help sort and declutter #grandma said no to that and said she'll kick me out if i do it and she didn't want to pay for my mom's shit to get moved into a storage uni #she leaves the clean up to my mom and i think the backyard got worse but she didn't call anyone to throw out the junk like she threatened t #so i call a fucking hoarders clean up service cuz that's what my family is on my mom's side at this point and the city will be called too #and she has this reaction cries all day and calls everyone to say i'm horrible and yells at me saying i'm the one killing her with stress #when she's already been doing that for months to herself when i'm just tired and possibly mildly depressed or something idk #i barely leave my room and don't go outside except to walk my dog but idk cuz my family's attittude was we don't go to doctors cuz #cuz they're for crazy people but of course it's gotta switch up for my mom and no one else and i'm just sick of it all #grandma doesn't accept free help and she won't accept help that i pay for myself with my money set aside for school so i'm done #unlike her when i say i'll do something i stick to it so i'm not doing shit anymore unless i can call a friend to help with this mess #it's gonna sound like such a horrible thing but i can't wait for my family to die so i can live in a clean home again and get help #like deep serious help cleaning and big time grief councelling cuz i barely had time to process my dad's death and being the one to find hi #and that was just this february like god i am going to need so much fucking therapy in my future it's almost rediculous #and probably say screw my mom's side and visit my dad's side a lot more since they seem to be the normal ones in this shit family tree #at least they're not stupid and leave junk everywhere where one neighbour getting sick of not being able to sit outside and enjoy their yar #without mountains of junk staring them right in the face and landing a notice from the city to clean up especially since #we have chainlink fences and at least 7 neighbours can see the backyard and everyone can see the front porch when passing by #i'm just tired of living in these suffocating households and even wanna file a report myself to kick them into gear #its horrible living like this and no one should live surrounded by junk and things they never use or even garbage

[sailor-aviator]

.

#y'all my anxiety has me spiraling as of late because it just feels like my whole life is falling apart at this point #i got fired from my job a couple of months ago and i've been scrambling to try and find a new one #i work part time at a store i really love but it pays shit #and i've had all of these interviews and no one wants to hire me and i just feel unhireable at this point and it's hard not to despair #and on top of that i'm struggling with my self esteem again #i know i'm not ugly per se but i'm struggling with feeling confident in the way i look as a big girl #and all of my old insecurities are rearing their ugly heads and i want to cry just thinking about it #and i feel like such a failure right now even though i know that life has its ups and downs but my stupid brain just won't chill #and i don't really have any friends in the area because they all either moved away or didn't live here to begin with #and i'm tired of living at home because of my stupid student loans and not being able to afford to live on my own #i have one person i hang out with and we just met and i don't want to scare them off because they're a great friend and person #and i just feel like i'm never going to meet anybody who's going to love me the way i want to be loved because of my looks #also because it's me. and i feel like i'm so flawed as a person that no one will ever fall in love with me #and i've just been feeling really alone lately and i'm trying to do things to make me feel better but it's just so HARD right now #and i love writing because it gives me a chance to explore some of my feelings and it's something i genuinely love to do #and i'm sitting here waiting for the day things start to get better. and i know we all joke and i'm gonna sounds so dumb for saying this #but i feel like i was meant to be famous? or do something great idk and it's something everyone has always told me #and idk if my feelings of inadequacy are because of that or what but i'm scared that my life is going to mean nothing in the end #anyway this was a lot and you can pretend like you didn't read it. i just wanted to write some of my feelings down

[blonkk]

“so sad being a harry potter fan/jkr stan and a transphobe pick a struggle” ok but how’s it a struggle? ?? because weird losers i don’t know will try to bully me on the internet ??? y’all are just smug because you were nobody in high school and now you feel like you win at life because you have internet clout from tweens and perverted adult men plus the duds who jumped on the bandwagon because they have zero values and beliefs of their own …. like stop projecting i promise no one gives a fuck that you’re “different” it’s still annoying and your green shaved head and mushroom tattoo aren’t punk or even really that cool at all….get a grip fr …anyways i’m gonna struggle by A) being objectively right and B) enjoying my childish stories that have no shortage of material (and more on the way!) to keep me entertained

#feminism #jk rowling #harry potter #this applies to everyone #males and females #gay or not #trans identified or not #like so much if this movement is deadass made up of people who were unpopular in high school. and now they get off on being internet famous #and i was a huge loser in high school too so this isn’t some stance on social hierarchy #it’s just the kids who never got over not being cool when it actually meant something #so they’re trying to make it mean something now #and the saddest thing is that you’re still losers #and the biggest tell is that followers will always remain neutral #favouring the side of the cool people #hence the male he amount of silent so called allies #they’re gonna switch sides when this one goes under i’m afraid #anyways like it’s always the people who want attention who are the worst about this stuff #like i’m a huge harry potter fan. i was not popular in high school. people barely knew who i was #that is not something that was cool in the 2010s #but i’m still a fan and i’m not ashamed of that because i’m not just gonna flop on my interests and principles #and i’m not gonna let some weirdo who probably does actual weird shit make me feel bad about like one of the most beloved book franchises #of all time #when they were prob the types of weirdos having orgies under the stairs and grooming eachother and speaking japanese they learned from anime #anyways. i don’t know im just rambling im mad and tired and all seething and i want to bully someone about it

[advisorsage]

I think I've fucked up

#i ranted to my girlfriend and i know she probably is just busy but my brain is screaming that i made her upset even though.. #my rant was about my own situation and how i feel about it and then i apologized for complaining at her and said that i wasn't supposed to #and I'm worried she thinks she's not supposed to complain to me when i just meant that i don't like telling people about my shit #and i know she said i could tell her and that she wants to support me but she and my boyfriend are my first relationships #and i don't want to fuck up and i think i have and i haven't told my boyfriend about my diagnosis yet #and I'm scared I'll complain at him too when i tell him and i don't care that he's told me i can and should complain to him #i don't want to saddle them with my complaints #and i called out of work because of how I'm feeling from my diagnosis and that's what i ranted to my girlfriend about #and i'm terrified she doesn't want to date me anymore because my reaction to being diagnosed with one more thing is so fucking pathetic #and i just need to cry and scream and throw up and i can't do any of those things and i feel like everyone except her is telling me #it's no big deal when it is a big deal and i don't think i got it through to my therapist and I'm just freaked out and i don't want to cling #and and and I'm just. i hate existing right now #i feel like i shouldn't do what i want to at home because i called out from work and i know that's stupid but i don't feel like i deserve #nice things right now despite needing them and I'm just so tired but not sleepy and i feel like I'm going to have a panic attack and #i can't even do anything about it! #fuck #i fucked myself over basically #anyway #drink water you heathens

[dbphantom]

you know if you guys voted for stretch armstrong i probably would have shut up a lot sooner tonight

#so really this is all your fault /lh /j #i love thinking about h2o tho so im happy #VERY FUCKING TIRED THO WISH I COULD SLEEP #i think my brain is kicking into overdrive after being filled with cotton the past 3 days which. hey im glad ur back bud #CAN YOU SHUT UP NOW I NEED REST #i was just thinking because im probably not posting that essay i will summarize here (i saw #that privating it made it lose like 4 recently edited paragraphs and i don't want to type all that out again my memory isn't good enough) #it just boiled down to the pods basically making a self fulfilling prophecy by orphaning their sons and making them increasingly #desperate for connections to other people like them which is why i think erik behaves the way he does esp when ondina is around #like i am not excusing his actions in the slightest dont get me wrong here he really fucked up BUT #his last conversation with ondina before he goes to the chamber kind of sold that idea to me #how he scoffs at her saying rita says it's dangerous because she's 'old school' and of COURSE old school mermaids think all mermen are evil #and then starts adding on how he wants to do this for HER and get her home back for her by controlling it #like a bit of an add-on at the end to try and convince her #i think what he really wants is to be hailed as a hero. you know. validation and acceptance from the ppl who originally abandoned him #the OGs who made him feel like an outsider. the ppl who ripped everything away from him just bc of the way he was born (which is prob why #when he's trying to convince zac to help him he keeps bringing up their ancestors bc that's what unifies them) #i don't think he's an evil dude per se i think he thought stealing the trident stone from rita's grotto would be small peanuts in the past #once he finally got the pod to come home bc he genuinely (mistakenly) believed he COULD control the power of the chamber #i also think that's why the camera keeps focusing on his face when he's watching the others panic over #zac's sacrifice and i think he is feeling jealousy bc they are paying attention to him and not Erik #like that's not the face of someone who deeply regrets what they just did. my guy is just sitting there like 'that should be me rn' #i think that is why he also sounds so desperate to make things right with ondina afterwards. iirc he's just like 'wait no we can start ove #RIGHT?' and she's like 'uhhhh... no??????' (valid). my dude is lonely as fuck and he finally found a group of ppl like him and he messed up #big time just trying to get their attention and affection bc he couldn't just be normal abt it he had to go big or go home #like i kind of feel bad for him in a way #but i feel bad for everyone #i felt bad for denman the other day! that's how bad this is getting!! #i mean come on imagine making the scientific discovery of a LIFETIME only for all that shit to happen in a row #especially after you get your comeback. they just go right back to fucking you over again