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#i had like.... the first half of this done last week....
ghouljams · 23 hours
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Make a Meal
This is for @glitterypirateduck 's Ghost challenge :) I completely misread the "Making a meal for the other person" as "Making a meal out of the other person" and then was too far gone in my writing to reign it back in.
I guess this fits "A lustful moment turns unexpectedly romantic/meaningful" and "Accidentally falling asleep on each other" better...
Simon is eating you out in slow strokes, nestled nice and cozy under a blanket while you read. It's a lovely low thrum of pleasure. There's no rush, no need to make you come, just Simon indulging himself. Feeling you, tasting you, enjoying you. He's always like this when he comes home from deployment. Months in the field with just military rations and his mask take a toll on him, one you can never hope to understand, but you're determined to help with in any way he needs. Which includes helping him find his center again.
When you'd first started dating you'd thought his homecomings would be more explosive. You'd thought all the pent up need and months away from you would harden him, make him fuck you with an animal need that couldn't be sated until you were sobbing into his shoulder. And it was, until you realized how tired he was. Until the first time he's slumped into your embrace in the entryway and muttered about doing right by you later. Then it had been enough just to help him to bed, to lay with him and feel the gentle unspooling of his muscles against you.
He never slept his first night home, and you'd wake up with his hand low on your stomach, his fingers stroking over the soft skin until you asked if he needed anything. He always hesitated before shaking his head. (You're so different from him, always so different, that's why he liked you, why he took to you so quickly. You were nothing like his work, nothing like the people he knew: gentle, kind, quiet when he needed it, and soft in all the best places. He could never get enough of you to last him through deployment no matter how short it was.) It would take him a solid week to get back to sleeping normally with you, a week of asking what he needed and getting nowhere. Really you should have known, Simon's always been a show rather than tell kind of guy.
The first night he spread your legs, sand still clinging to his hands, fresh from the airport, really it was closer to morning than night. He shushed you with gentle reassurances and a promise that he wouldn't disturb you. "Please love," He'd added, "won't even know I'm 'ere." You were half asleep but you helped him get your sleep shorts off, and spread your legs for him, tried to rouse yourself back to wakefulness enough for sex, but it never came. Simon settled between your legs and pulled his tongue against your slit in gentle strokes, letting warmth pool between your legs without any of the immediate need you so often found when you were awake.
His tongue flicked against your clit, gentle, almost teasing, before resuming its careful exploration. The feeling registered and then settled into a constant buzz, a soft heat that ebbed and flowed. Something you could fall back asleep with, he was so gentle with you, worshipful. When you woke up in the morning his head was resting against your thigh, his ribs expanding and contracting with the soft breath of sleep. It was the first time you'd seen him sleep so well, so soon, after getting home. You didn't hesitate the next time he crawled between your legs.
Now it's a routine, one you've done a dozen times at least, and one you've been able to witness the entirety of. It's the sort of thing Simon will do for hours, a meditation between your soft thighs, a reminder that there's something under the mask even when he can't find Simon hiding behind Ghost anymore. He's always gentle with you, his tongue touching you like you're something delicate to be savored. Sometimes you come, often you don't. It's not for you.
You love it though. The times when Ghost gets home in the middle of the day, when you can pick him up from the airport and drive home with his hand settled heavy on your thigh, are the times you like best. When you can enjoy the company more than the sex. When you can feel the way Ghost's breathing softens as Simon comes back to you, the slow drop off of his attention until his head slumps against you and you know he's fallen asleep. Sometimes you'll scoot down so he can rest his head on your stomach, other times you'll find his cheek already pressed to your thigh, still others you lift the blanket and he's face down against the mattress snoring away.
You turn the page in your book, feeling the way the low buzz of pleasure throbs as your eyes skirt over the start of a smutty scene. Simon must feel it, his tongue pausing before he drags it up to suck on your clit. You jerk at the sudden pressure, pull your moan back into a whine that only seems to encourage Simon. His tongue flicks against your clit between hard sucks, tracing purposefully over your slit to wiggle against your entrance. He works you up so quickly after teasing you for so long, and mumbles for you to keep reading, to ignore him. As if you could when his mouth sparks a fire in your stomach that he has no intention of putting out.
You keep your eyes on your book even when they start to go fuzzy, even when you have to read the same sentence twenty times just to get it to stick in your mind. Simon scrapes his teeth against your clit, pushes his tongue into your pussy, squeezes your thighs with huge rough hands, and all but begs for you to come on his face. It always takes you by surprise, the slowly tightening spring he'd been winding snapping under his consistent pleasure, making you whimper and gasp as your hips buck against his mouth. He drinks down every drop, slurps at your pussy obscenely until you try to close your legs.
It's never enough to get him to stop. No, Simon goes until he's satisfied, until he's full of you, sated enough to fall asleep. His tongue careful when you're still sensitive, avoiding your clit as he cleans you up. You make a note of the smut and skip a few pages ahead to get back to the plot, not willing to disturb your wonderful boyfriend a second time.
Your only complaint, if you even can complain, is that he's so damn heavy when he sleeps.
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kamaluhkhan · 2 days
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GUILTY AS SIN?
GLUTTONY — part v of we'll write sins like tragedies
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pairing: luke castellan x nemesis! reader (afab) word count: 3k summary: after a mission gone wrong, you unknowingly take the fall for a friend; you get drunk with the enemy; and you start to think that, if they’re going to crucify you anyway, you might as well indulge in a few fatal fantasies. warnings: set during the last olympian so spoilers for the entire pjo book series; luke + reader get drunk; mention of death + war + reader has some survivor's guilt; smut (unprotected p in v, oral f receiving, kinda sub!luke, brief allusion to knife kink — 18 + MDNI) + angst author's note: not sure how i feel ab this one but i've been workshopping it for weeks so i think her time has come !! also maybe got a bit too deep into book lore oops. also also ive been listening to this song an outrageous amount and i hope i did it justice ANYWAYS lmk what y'all think, thanks sm for reading ♥
♪ "guilty as sin?" by taylor swift
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you’re well aware of how suspicious this looks, rendezvousing with the enemy at a sleazy dive bar in the heart of the city. 
he walks in, and your heart starts to beat faster in anticipation. his familiar deep brown eyes are now striking gold, and a streak of gray is woven through his signature dark curls — evidence of the battles you've fought, on opposite sides, and an ominous reminder of a war that has yet to be over. 
as he casually orders himself a drink and one for you, you keep a hand on your concealed dagger. it’s become an instinct of yours, whenever he’s around.
“i didn’t come here to fight.” he assures, catching the glint of your blade. 
“and what about…..” you gesture broadly at him. 
“we’re not entirely synched yet, so it gives him a break whenever i’m in full control,” he explains as though reciting from a textbook (something like how to betray your loved ones and overthrow the olympians 101). “it’s only me tonight. i swear on the river styx.”
a shiver passes through you.
about a year ago, luke tracked you down in new york. apparently, kronos was pushing him to do something extreme, and luke felt conflicted. 
you thought it had to be some sort of cruel joke, because you could not think of anything more extreme than what luke had already done in facilitating a war between gods and titans. you had no patience for his crocodile tears, not after he played you so well the first time. 
you told him as much, then told him to fuck off. 
to be fair, you didn’t know that would lead to him bathing in the river styx and becoming a vessel for the titan lord himself.
luke wears the curse of achilles well: all strong muscles and sharp angles, his tan skin glowing ever-so slightly, and his body devoid of any fresh cuts or bruises despite surviving an explosion just a few days prior. 
“so….what? you’re the pilot whenever kronos needs to take a really long nap?” 
“i’d say timeshare is the closest way to describe it.” 
“50/50 ownership?”
“more like 90/10.”
you scoff. “sounds like a scam.”
the corner of his mouth quirks up in amusement. it reminds you so much of old times, his boyish charm peeking through whenever a camper would try to pull a prank on him, and then complain when he’d beat them to the punch. 
“it’s just me,” he repeats, but you didn’t need any more confirmation.
you know deep in your gut, from that mischievous smirk alone: it’s not the lord of time, but luke castellan next to you.
the bar is surprisingly busy for a weeknight. there’s a game being shown on TV, and people wearing sports jerseys occasionally groan or cheer or come to the counter to order another pint for their table while keeping their eyes glued to the screen. the jukebox in the corner plays music from the 70s and 80s as a group of friends starts to dance, tipsy after a deadly combination of jello shots and sangria.
for the first few drinks, you and luke are silent, letting these sounds of regular human existence fill the space between you. you half-expect him to ask about law school admissions, or the new tattoo you got on your upper thigh, or your band’s latest show — all fragments of your own mundane mortal life used to distract yourself from demigod realities. 
he doesn’t, though. luke just stares at the hockey game, one you know for a fact he doesn’t care about because the rangers aren’t playing, as he sips his old-fashioned like he has all the time in the world. 
“did you wanna meet so we could just sit here in silence or….”
when you had agreed to this meeting, you had a clear goal in mind: find out who the spy is and clear your name.
it might be too much rum or the crushing weight of recent events, but you no longer have the energy nor the drive to be strategic or even cautious around luke. now, you’re looking for a cure to your bone deep boredom and heartache.
"no. i’m here because….” he falters and runs a hand through his hair. “look, i heard about what happened at camp. and, with beck —” 
“dying?” you finish, taking one last gulp of your drink. all the rage, resentment and grief you’ve been feeling has been lodged in your throat. you’d hope each sip of your dark and stormy would burn through it, but instead it comes tumbling from your lips. 
“honestly, beck would probably still be alive if you didn’t join the dark side. i guess you’re kinda leading the dark side now, aren’t you luke? what’s that like?” 
luke polishes off his drink, too, his cheeks flushed. he gestures at the bartender for a third round of drinks. or is it fourth? 
“don’t be a dick,” luke sighs once a replenished glass is placed in front of him. “i obviously never wanted to hurt you — any of you.”
if you were of sober mind, maybe you’d point out that it’s too late; that luke already hurt all of you the minute he decided to side with kronos.
“i know i did, though,” he adds after swallowing a mouthful of his drink. 
you know that if luke was of sober mind, he would never have admitted that. he seems to know better than to apologize though, hopefully recognizing that the damage has already been done. 
it’s not like your hands aren’t bloody, too. 
“it was supposed to be me, you know?” you let out a watery laugh. “i was supposed to go with percy on the mission, but beck offered to go instead because he thought — he knew — that it would….it would be hard for me to see…. you.”
luke pauses and turns away from you. “you couldn’t have known what would happen.” his voice wavers, too. “beckendorf was looking out for you — it’s what he does. did.”
“i couldn’t even go to the funeral,” you continue. “i feel like i didn’t really get to say goodbye, you know?”
 “yeah,” luke hums sorrowfully. “mourning someone who fought for the gods isn’t really allowed where i am.”
again, you could point out the irony in what he’s saying. given everything he’s done, luke dug his own grave and clearly some for his friends, too. 
tears sting your eyes, but you blink them away. the reality is that one of your best friends died because you couldn’t handle an encounter with your ex-boyfriend, the one you’re currently sitting beside. 
you might not have done what they accused you of, but you’re nowhere near innocent. who were you to give yourself permission to cry?
in the dim neon light, you notice a tear slide down luke’s cheek before he wipes it away just as fast.
he clears his throat. “to charles beckendorf: a hero by any other name.”
you tap your glass against luke’s, and you both drink in honor of your lost friend. you drink to everyone and everything you’ve lost, too. 
beckendorf is dead; chris has lost his mind; clarisse might start her own war with the apollo cabin over a flying chariot; and ever since the princess andromeda mission went terribly wrong, silena can’t go one minute without bursting into tears. 
it was too easy for everything to fall apart, as though this was always what the fates had in store for you — the next generation of greek tragedies. 
thankfully, there always comes a break in the tragedy, and it seems to be now: you and luke, getting drunk off whiskey and rum and old memories. 
you remember countless times sneaking out to the beach after curfew, mixing store-brand soda with cheap alcohol smuggled into camp by luke’s half-brothers; hot summer nights spent fantasizing about existence outside of camp and returning to your head counselor duties in the morning with chiron and mr. d none the wiser. once you started dating, it became routine for the two of you to wander away from the group for some privacy, somewhere far enough away so that no one could hear you scream luke’s name.
those memories still make your skin flush, even as you’re here drinking cocktails at a bar in the city, with one friend gone to elysium and everyone else calling you a traitor.
“i can’t believe you don’t remember that night! mr. d caught a few senior campers getting drunk in his office? they stole a super expensive bottle of wine, threw up all over the carpet, and had to spend the rest of the night cleaning it?” 
you continue shaking your head. you tip your glass back to capture the last drops of amber liquid before confessing:  
“what i remember is spending the whole night jealous of malcolm pace because he got to slow dance with you.”
luke lets out something between a scoff and a laugh, then he’s silent for a few moments.
“i love this song,” luke muses, words blurring together. “i haven’t heard it in a while.” he finishes his drink and sets the glass down, holding his hand out to you. 
your brain is a bit foggy from all the alcohol, so it takes you a few seconds to realize what he’s asking. 
“you wanna dance?”
“yeah,” he answers. “make up for lost time.”
it’s not until you feel luke’s chest pressed against yours, his hands firmly on your waist, that you register what song is currently playing.
“downtown lights” by the blue nile — luke had spent so long trying to find the right song for your first time together. 
you told him not to worry, teased him a bit for planning every detail so meticulously, but deep down, your heart swelled with how much he cared.
the empty hermes cabin during capture-the-flag, both of you pretending to be too injured from sparring practice to play. luke’s sweaty hands fumbling with the condom, you having to step in and rip the wrapper with your teeth. clothes being haphazardly thrown on so you could run back to the infirmary before anyone noticed. silent vows to do it again, and again, and again. 
the more time spent exploring and experimenting, the more you got the rhythm of each other’s bodies, knew how to make the other squirm and throw their head back in pleasure — and that didn’t just go away when luke joined kronos’ army. 
even when your loyalties were more clear, your consciousness was plagued with visions of you and luke together, ones that left your sheets burning, more than the blazing summer heat. you confided in silena about these once, and she assured you that there is no such thing as bad thoughts. 
she did warn you, though: it’s when you indulge in these fantasies that they risk becoming fatal.
now, thinking back and forth between memories with luke and the events of this past very shitty week, you realize that maybe that’s why you’re here.
despite everything you’ve done, you supposedly betrayed people you consistently fight beside, fight for; you were thrown out of a place you once considered home and told never to come back. 
you were doomed from the start — a daughter of nemesis, assumed to be wicked and revenge-seeking since birth. 
well, if they’re going to crucify you anyway…..
once the song ends, you ask:
“you wanna go outside for a smoke?”
your hands start playing with the curls at the base of luke’s neck, hinting at what you were hoping comes next.
luke licks his lips, gold eyes darker than before. 
“guess you’re itching to put that celestial bronze to good use,” he says lowly.
“only if you ask nicely,” you drawl. 
luke blushes. 
you pull away from him, start walking towards the back exit, and pray that he follows you. 
this is why meeting with you was dangerous: there’s no one else in the world – god, titan, or otherwise – luke castellan would get on his knees for, let alone in the filthy alley behind a bar.  
technically, kronos sent luke here to recruit you. 
the scythe charm — the one used to communicate with silena — sits heavy in his pocket. it’s part of the reason why you were exiled from camp, why your friends don’t look at you the same way. why you can’t ever go back home, not really. 
luke imagines you might resent those who threw you out of camp, but you would never betray them. he knew that you weren’t likely to join kronos’ army.
he’s thankful that, at the very least, you still have a penchant for breaking some rules. 
the two of you are a tangled mess of teeth and tongue. luke tastes the spiciness of ginger beer and rum, mixed with sweetness from the clove cigarette you just smoked. you lock one leg around luke’s hip, and the brief glimpse of your lacy black underwear has him throbbing. one of your hands slips underneath his shirt to trace the contours of his abdomen. luke’s breath hitches when your hand reaches down even further. 
“wait –” you pause your actions to let luke finish his sentence, and already he regrets voicing his hollow concern. “i….i probably should not be doing this.”
“me neither,” you concede, breathing steadily.“but, they already think i’m guilty.”  with your other hand, your thumb dances over his kiss-swollen lips and luke feels something ignite in the pit of his stomach. “maybe i am, with how much i think about you.”
luke knows what’s at stake for him, if anyone finds out, but in a booze-soaked haze and with you looking at him like that, he can’t seem to care. 
it’s coming back to him now: that endless cycle of waking up sticky and drenched in sweat over dreams of screaming your name and going about his day like it wasn’t a paradox to be leading kronos’ army and still wanting someone aligned with the enemy to devour him. 
when he agreed, however reluctantly, to be a vessel for kronos, luke had to lock those desires inside a vault deep inside his mind. 
this might very well be luke’s last chance to satisfy his cravings, once and for all. tonight, he’s in full control of his body and mind. 
he’ll happily yield his power to you. 
soon enough, your teeth gnaw on his top lip as luke messily thrusts into you, your underwear hastily pushed to the side. he tries to savor every part of this, of you — the heel of your combat boot digging into his back; the sting of your nails where you grip him; the familiar scent of your skin, sickly sweet cherries and burnt vanilla; the hoarseness of your voice, encouraging him to go faster, harder. following your orders, luke wraps both of your legs around his waist and digs his fingers further into your hips to keep them secure.
it’s a religious experience, watching you throw your head back against the brick wall as your orgasm crashes through you. luke follows a few seconds later, pulling out just in time to paint the inside of your thighs with his cum.
luke grins as he watches you come down from your high, eyes closed, chest heaving, neck engraved with the outline of his teeth.
“sorry, didn’t mean to give you a concussion.”
you open your eyes just to roll them at luke, who’s tucking himself back into his jeans.
“you’re such an asshole,” you jest through labored breaths, registering his shit-eating grin. you fix the hem of your leather skirt and pout dramatically. “and you had to leave a mess behind, didn’t you?”
without another word, luke kneels in front of you. 
he leans his head back to admire how your lips curl into a bemused smile at his antics. your fingers press into his pulse point, no doubt feeling how reckless his heartbeat becomes underneath you. once more, your thumb prods at his lips; this time luke grants access, the cold metal of your ring burning on his tongue. 
“is this how you pledged loyalty to your titan king?” you taunt. 
luke shakes his head, still sucking your digit. 
he did have to bow, but not like this. the only entity he’d worship this desperately is you. 
“i’m honored,” you coo. luke bites back a whimper when you remove your thumb from his mouth, instead tracing the scar on his face, up his cheekbone. “i have to say though: i miss your brown eyes, pretty boy.”
his whole body is on fire with how you touch him, but your passing observation feels like a knife to the gut. wanting to be good for you, to prove he’s still your pretty boy, luke pushes up the bottom of your skirt so it bunches around your waist. 
“luke!” you attempt to scold, concealing a moan when his teeth graze your clit through the damp fabric of your underwear. “someone might see.”
“it’ll be fine, baby,” he assures. “is this new?” luke is mesmerized by the fresh ink on your thigh, fingers trailing over swirling black lines. 
you hum, a goddess gazing down on her disciple. “do you like it?”
luke nods. he replaces his fingers with his tongue, journeying across your skin, tasting salty sweat mixed with his cum drying between your legs. he hears your whimpers for more. he complies and plunges two fingers beneath the lace until you reach your peak. luke places one last kiss to your core, before getting up again.
you crash your lips onto his, and you’re kissing him the way you did back when you really loved him, chaotic and feverish. your fingers snake through his curls, and you tug on them just enough to make luke’s head spin. 
you’re somehow more intoxicating than however many drinks he downed earlier.
he sees something simmering behind your eyes, when you ask if he wants to come back to your apartment. you both know you shouldn’t, but honestly — in the grand scheme of things, what’s one more sin?as the two of you are tangled beneath your bedsheets, you decide to frame it differently, as a mutual vow: maybe just one more time will satisfy this hunger.
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slu7formen · 2 days
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Girl first of all I want to say that I'm OBSESSED with your writing I love it.
Second of all I would like to make a request about Luke so hear me out.
Luke and reader were in a relationship before he betrayed camp and they were head over heals for each other and then he stole the bolt and when Percy discovers he's the thief the reader is there feeling betrayed and specially heartbroken even though Luke ask her to go with him but she doesn't accept it because she's so loyal to camp and her friends.
Time passed and even if she wants to hate Luke she loves him more than anything. And Luke loves her too so instead of asking Annabeth to escape with him he asks reader and she accepts.
I want to see everything in here fluff, angst, everything you think about.
I hope you like this request and make it real for me because I've been having this idea for over a week.
Okay but I feel so bad ‘cause I totally forgot I had this story FULLY WRITTEN and READY to be published (‘cause I LOVED it), I’m so sorry angel, made you wait a lot more than just a week 🥺, but thanks for reading my stories <3
MDNI. luke castellan x fem!reader
warnings: luke´s a traitor, betrayal, use of yn, swearing, kinda angst (?, KISSING, lil book spoiler
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₊˚⊹♡
The crackle and pop of the bonfire filled the air, a comforting contrast to the vibrant bursts of color exploding overhead. The annual fireworks display was in full swing, casting shadows on the faces of your friends huddled around the warm flames. It was a picture of peace, a moment of respite amidst the constant threat of monsters demigod drama.
You stole a glance at the empty space beside you. Luke, your boyfriend, had told you he'd just be back in a minute. A few minutes had turned into an eternity, but you chalked it up to his usual impulsiveness. He'd be back any minute, with his signature smile and an arm wrapped around you.
You knew it.
From the moment you met, you and Luke had been inseparable. You were his confidante, his anchor in the chaos of being a demigod and his messy life. He was your rock, always there to make you laugh, to understand the weight of your heritage in a way no one else could.
The warmth of the fire danced on your skin, but a shiver snaked down your spine. Something felt off. The chatter of your friends seemed muted, replaced by a dull ache in your chest. You couldn’t deny the way you noticed how Luke has been acting lately. So weird and distant towards you the last couple days. You loved him, fiercely and unconditionally. You'd been there for him through thick and thin, especially after his quest left a jagged scar across his cheek and a hollowness in his eyes.
But then he suddenly just, snapped.
A memory surfaced in you , sharp and unwelcome. It had been months ago, a conversation in the darkness of his cabin in a particular cold night. Luke, his eyes filled with a desperate fervor, had confessed his anger towards the gods, his belief that they were cruel and neglectful parents. He'd spoken of tricking the Olympians, joining forces with the Titans to fight for a better life for all demigods.
The anger in his voice, the glint of rebellion in his eyes, had scared you. The scar on his face, a reminder of his failed quest, seemed to burn brighter that night.
You understood his anger. The gods were far from perfect, their neglect and cruelty evident in countless demigod lives. He'd begged you to join him, his voice filled with a desperate hope. But you'd refused, your loyalty to Camp Half-Blood and your friends unwavering. You had spent hours talking him through it as you held his hand, reminding him of all the good the gods had done, no matter how flawed they might be. He'd looked lost at the time, seeking comfort in your touch. You'd thought you'd reached him, extinguished that spark of rebellion.
You really believed that conversation was long forgotten. But there was a reason why you remembered it.
Some movement at the edge of the woods caught your eye. But it wasn't the boy you were expecting. Percy, his face pale and etched with worry, practically stumbled into the fireplace, his chest heaving and his grip tight on Riptide.
A pang of concern shot through you. "Percy?" you called out, concern lacing your voice. You pushed yourself off the ground, walking towards him. "What happened? Where's Luke?"
Percy hesitated, his eyes filled with a storm of emotions. Shit, should he tell you? His silence was a hammer blow to your gut. You knew, with a chilling certainty, that something was terribly wrong.
"What?" you choked out, the question barely a whisper, expecting some kind of answer from the blonde boy, but nothing came from his trembling lips. The air felt dense, with a truth you desperately wanted to deny. You saw Luke getting into the woods with Percy, you saw it. And now, he was nowhere to be seen.
Then, it clicked. A cold, horrifying truth began to dawn on you.
He lied.
Without a word, you pushed Percy aside and started running, towards the woods. Your heart hammered against your ribs, like a trapped bird desperate to escape. You plunged into the darkness of the forest, the path you'd walked countless times with Luke now leading you into the unknown.
"Luke!" you screamed, your voice raw with anger and despair. You wove through the trees, the undergrowth tearing at your camp shirt, but you didn't care. You had to find him, to confront him, to understand why he'd chosen this path, if he chose it, why he'd lied to you.
But with each passing minute, hope crashed over you. The forest grew denser, the silence broken only by the rustle of leaves and the frantic beat of your own heart. There was no sign of Luke, no echo of his footsteps, no smell, no sense of his presence, only the chilling truth hanging heavy in the air.
He was gone.
He had left.
You sank to your knees, the weight of betrayal crushing you as the first tears you ever cried for Luke Castellan, started to fall. The man you loved, the person you'd trusted with your life, had chosen darkness over everything you held dear. He had chosen Kronos over you.
Grief, a cold and relentless serpent, coiled around your heart. And that feeling never seemed to leave.
The year that followed was a blur of sadness and a desperate attempt at normalcy. The silence from Luke was deafening. Not a single Iris-message, not a single sign of the one who once, was your boyfriend.
You knew you wouldn´t be able to return to Camp, at least not for now. Every corner held a ghost of Luke's smile, every sword clang a reminder of his battles and his betrayal. Your friends, the true ones, bless their hearts, tried everything to cheer you up from a distance, but their efforts felt like trying to pick up the pieces of a broken glass in the sea.
You opted to stay home that summer. But even there, away from the prying eyes and hushed whispers, escape from Luke's betrayal seemed impossible. Messages and news found you no matter where you hid. News of Luke leading a rogue army aboard a stolen cruise ship, rumors of him serving as Kronos's right hand while the Titan slumbered – it all reached your ears.
The nights were the worst. The darkness mirrored the hollowness within you. Tears would stain your pillow as you relived the events leading up to his betrayal. You once seemed to dream about seeing him again, and now you only screamed when you saw his face in your nightmares.
The memory of his touch, the warmth of his smile, the nights you spent loving each other with the sheets tangling in your legs, all felt like cruel illusions now. Yet, a part of you, a stubborn, illogical part, still clung to the love you once shared.
And Gods, did you try to keep yourself as busy as possible. You threw yourself into your studies and little courses here and there, seeking solace in facts and logic. You even began working, a boring but well payed summer job. Yet, the pain lingered, a dull ache that refused to subside.
The more you tried to banish these visions, the more vivid they became. You missed him like a starving man craved a feast, a yearning that gnawed at your insides and threatened to consume you. Frustration gnawed at you. How could you still love someone who'd betrayed you so utterly? How could your heart still ache for a man who chose war over you? The questions echoed endlessly within you, a relentless chorus fueling your self-conscious.
How could you be so weak?
These consuming questions were your companions for a whole year. But as the second summer after Luke's betrayal rolled around, a shift occurred within you. The raw, agonizing pain began to dull, replaced by a quiet resolve.
Finally, you decided it was time to take back control again. Camp Half-Blood called, a familiar haven among the storm. You returned a changed person. The vibrant smile that once adorned your face was a ghost, replaced by a guarded expression that spoke about the pain you harbored in silence. The camp's familiar energy felt hollow, a constant reminder of the happiness you'd lost.
Training became your sole solace. You'd disappear into the arena for hours, your celestial bronze sword a blur as you cleaved through training dummies, each swing fueled by a potent cocktail of grief and anger.
Exhaustion became your closest companion too. You pushed yourself to the limits of your endurance, hoping to find oblivion at the bottom of an empty fuel tank. But sleep, when it finally came, offered no escape. You'd dream of him, leading his army of rogue demigods, his eyes filled with a fanatical zeal that chilled you to the bone. And in those dreams, you'd see yourself, standing beside him, not out of loyalty to his cause, but out of a desperate yearning for the boy you once loved, still love.
In the quiet moments, when your friends weren't around, the dam would break. You'd collapse onto your cool and empty bed, tears streaming down your face, a raw, primal sob escaping your lips. The memory of Luke was no joy anymore, it haunted you like a specter.
You hated yourself for the traitorous flicker in your heart, the desperate, illogical yearning for him. It wasn't the war that tempted you; it was him.
You hated how much you missed him.
The scent of rain clung to the humid night air and to you like a second skin as you zipped up your duffel bag. Another summer at Camp Half-Blood loomed, promising a bittersweet mix of nostalgia and pain, but more training. The worst was yet to come, so you needed to be ready.
New York City, with its cacophony of car horns and the anonymity of millions, had become your refuge these past few months. In Manhattan, the memories of Luke seemed to hold less power for some weird reason, their edges dulling with the passage of time. You'd spent the past months in this tiny apartment, the silence deafening compared to the constant hum of life at camp.
Just then, a sharp rap on the door shattered the silence of your apartment. It was past midnight, an unusual time for visitors.
Adrenaline surged through you. Months of living fully alone had honed your senses. You'd become acutely aware of the city's underbelly – the flickering shadows that could hide monsters thanks to the ever-present mist. You'd seen them stalking the streets, stalking you, their true forms hidden to them mortals, an unsettling feeling crawling up your spine whenever their paths crossed yours. They never attacked, but their chilling presence followed you like a phantom.
Grabbing your necklace, you asked, "Yes?"
Silence. You weren't taking any chances. Pulling down at the pendant once, the necklace morphed into your celestial bronze dagger.
You took a step, two. Could it really be a monster? Could it really be some creature trying to get to you, by knocking on the door? With a shaky breath, you cracked the door open just enough to peek through the gap, hiding the dagger behind your back.
The sight that greeted you stole the air from your lungs.
Standing on your doorstep, bathed in the harsh glow of the hallway light, was Luke. His dark hair was windswept, his face etched with a gauntness that hadn't been there before, but his eyes – those were the same eyes that had haunted your dreams for months. They held a desperate plea, a flicker of the boy you once loved struggling to break through the hardened shell of the man he'd become.
“Luke?”
The silence stretched between you, thick with unspoken words and a tangled web of emotions. Time seemed to warp in that hallway, a single moment stretched into an eternity. Luke looked different, yes. The carefree boy you knew had been replaced by a man hardened by experience, his features etched with lines that spoke of battles fought and burdens carried. But his eyes, those brown eyes that had once held a mischievous twinkle, now held a deeper sadness that mirrored your own.
"Hi" Luke finally said, his voice raspy.
You stood speechless, the dagger still clutched tightly in your hand. Years of longing warred with the fresh wounds of betrayal. You wanted to scream at him, to unleash the torrent of hurt and anger that suddenly washed over you. But something held you back, a flicker of curiosity, maybe.
"Um, can I come in?" he continued, his posture pleading despite his attempt at nonchalance.
Jesus. Was that all he had to say? After everything, after what he did, all he could muster was a request to enter your apartment? A tide of anger threatened to drown you. Did he not understand the gravity of what he'd done? Did he not realize the pain he'd caused? But you forced your thoughts down. You weren't a child anymore, throwing tantrums wouldn't solve anything.
"Are you armed?" you asked, your voice flat, devoid of any warmth.
Luke flinched at your question, a flicker of pain crossing his features. "You think I wanna hurt you?" he countered, his tone defensive.
"Last time I saw you," you spat back, your voice laced with bitterness, "was three years ago, and I know your little monsters are keeping an eye on me. The first thing I'm supposed to think about is whether you want to hurt me or not."
He sighed, a long, weary exhale. Unzipping his jacket, he turned slowly, patting down his pockets before turning back to you. His eyes, once alive with mischief and love, were now filled with a desperate sincerity. "See? No weapons. Just me."
You studied him, a battle raging within you. One part of you wanted to slam the door, to let him know that he wasn't welcome. Yet, another part, a smaller, more vulnerable part, couldn't help but cling to the flicker of hope that flickered amongst the ashes of your love.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, you stepped aside, allowing a sliver of space for him to enter. "Fine" you said, your voice devoid of warmth. "But you better have a good reason to come here"
Luke hesitated for a beat before stepping inside. He closed the door softly behind him, the sound echoing through the tense silence. He stood there awkwardly with his hands in his pockets, his eyes scanning the room, landing finally on the packed bags besides the tv.
"You're heading back to camp?" he asked.
You flipped the dagger in your hand, and the celestial bronze morphed back into the golden necklace. "What do you want?" you repeated, your voice still sharp, a shield against the emotions swirling within you.
Luke stood awkwardly in the doorway, the once carefree boy replaced by a man burdened by the weight of his choices. His leather jacket seemed to hang heavy on his broad shoulders.
"I…" he started, then stopped, seemingly unsure how to proceed. He cleared his throat, the sound scratchy and unfamiliar. "You look different" he finally managed, the words tumbling out awkwardly.
You scoffed, a humorless sound that surprised even you.
"Look, yn" he finally managed, his voice barely above a whisper, "I wanna talk, okay? I know what I did was wrong. I know I hurt you."
You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms over your chest. "You could say that again."
His fingers twitched at your bitterness, but pressed on. "I came here because..." He hesitated again, seemingly wrestling with an inner turmoil. "Because I-"
Frustration bubbled up within you. This cryptic approach, this lack of honesty, it was infuriating. "Because you what, Luke?" you demanded, your voice laced with a sharp edge. "Because you decided to grace me with your presence after leading a rebellion against the gods? Or maybe because you just wanted to see if I'm still waiting for you?"
You watched his face harden, the vulnerability replaced by a familiar defiance.
"Don't twist this" he snapped, his voice firm. "I came here because..." He took a deep breath, his eyes locking with yours. "Because I miss you, yn. I miss us."
The air crackled with a tension so thick you could almost taste it.
You took a slow step towards him, then another. He took notes of yourself as you did. The way you had grown internally was so intense that he could sense it everywhere. He might have betrayed you, but that only helped you get on your feet stronger, grow stronger. Become the warrior he always knew you were.
Then, in a move as instinctive as it was fierce, your hand lashed out. The slap connected with a stinging crack, the sound echoing through the apartment like a thunderclap. Luke's head snapped to the side, a crimson handprint blooming on his cheek. Shame flickered in his eyes as he scoffed, quickly replaced by a dull acceptance.
He deserved it, that much was clear.
"How dare you?” you spat, your voice shaking with barely controlled fury, "How fucking dare you come back here after what you've done? After leading a rebellion against the gods, after putting everyone we care about at risk? After betraying me?"
Luke took a shaky breath, running a hand over the burning mark on his face. "I'm sorry” he said, his voice low and ragged. "I'm so sorry. I know I hurt you, and I know a simple apology won't erase the pain or fix things. But you have to believe me, I never meant for things to get this bad"
He stepped towards you, his hands outstretched in a placating gesture, but you flinched back, the space between you a tangible barrier. "Don't touch me" you warned, your voice laced with ice.
He lowered his hands, his shoulders slumping in defeat.
“I know you hate me for what I´ve done. For joining Kronos, I-“
"You think this is all about Kronos?" you cut him off, your voice shaking with barely contained fury. "You think the reason my heart has been broken these past years is because you joined a fucking Titan?"
Luke remained silent, the weight of your words pressing down on him like a collapsing mountain. He knew better.
"This is about what you did to me, Luke" you choked out, tears welling in your eyes. "I was with you, all the time. I was your girlfriend! And you betrayed me. You left me alone” your voice broke so hard that you had to take a second to swallow the big gulp that was forming in your throat. “Everyone at camp looked at me after what you did," you choked out. "They either felt sorry for me, or they insulted me, saying that I was still loyal to you, that I was a traitor."
You closed your eyes for a moment, the pain etched on your face a stark reminder of the devastation he'd wrought. "You were the most important person in my life" you cried, your voice raw and vulnerable. "But you? You let Kronos fill your head with empty promises, and just like that, you forgot about us."
The truth felt like a bitter pill to swallow. He opened his mouth to speak.
"I asked you to come with me" he finally whispered, his voice thick with regret. "I gave you the chance to leave with me."
"And even after I said no," you countered, your voice trembling like the finger that was now pointing at his chest, "you still left. You threw me away like shit. And do you know what the worst part is?" Tears streamed down your face, tracing a path through the dust of old heartache. "That as much as I try, I can't seem to hate you."
A sob escaped your lips, shattering the fragile dam you'd built around your emotions. "I still love you, Luke" you confessed. "Even though it's a love that fills me with pain, it's still there. I hate myself because I dream about you, about the way things used to be. But when I don't, I feel like a piece of me is missing."
You looked up at him, your eyes brimming with tears and a raw vulnerability that left Luke speechless.
What had he done?
"I hate myself because I can't help but pray for your safety, even though you never seemed to care about mine. I hate myself because even after everything, I still love you, Luke."
Your heart felt like a shattered kaleidoscope, a million shards of love, anger, and pain reflecting back at you in a distorted reality. You walked and sank onto the couch, burying your face in your hands as sobs racked your body.
Luke, his heart heavy with a remorse sharper than any weapon, watched you crumble. The carefree girl he fell in love with was gone, replaced by a woman etched with the scars of his own actions. Hesitantly, he reached out, placing a hand on your back as he sat down next to you, a gesture of comfort that felt more like a branding iron on his guilt.
"yn” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion, "I still love you too."
You didn't respond, the sobs coming in ragged gasps as your body struggled to contain the storm within.
"I know I left you" he continued, his voice cracking slightly. "And you didn't deserve it. But… I was so lost, so angry. Kronos promised me power, a solution to all the problems I saw. He convinced me that Olympus was corrupt, that the gods didn't care about half-bloods like us. And when you said no, he-, he told me leaving you behind, said that it would be easier for everyone…"
His voice trailed off. Easier for who? Easier for him, perhaps, to sever the ties that bound him, to plunge headfirst into a rebellion fueled by manipulated ideals.
"But it wasn't" he choked out, a tear escaping his eye, carving a glistening path down his cheek. "Every day, every step I took… it was a constant reminder of what I'd lost. The guilt was eating me alive, yn, you have to believe me”. His hands desperately reached for yours, trying to get your fingers to intertwine by placing his over yours.
Tears welled up in his own eyes. "I regret everything. I mean it. I don't want to do this anymore."
You finally lifted your head, your eyes red-rimmed and brimming with unshed tears. Luke looked different to you now, the bravado and arrogance gone, replaced by a vulnerability that mirrored your own.
"Don't want to do what?" you asked, your voice hoarse.
"This” he gestured vaguely to himself, but you didn’t quite catch it. "Following Kronos. Helping him rise to power. It's wrong. I can see that now."
“Little late to that, isn’t it?” you blurted out.
He took a deep breath, his expression resolute. "yn, there's a reason I came to you. A reason I risked Kronos' trust in me." He paused, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "Kronos wants me to become his host."
And the world seemed to suddenly stop. You stared at him, the weight of his words sinking in. Your mind raced, trying to process what he had just said. Luke, your Luke, becoming a vessel for the monstrous Titan?
"What?" you croaked, fear coating your voice like frost. Your eyes darted around, searching for a way out, a solution, anything. But Luke wouldn't meet your gaze, his jaw clenched tight, a storm of emotions brewing beneath the surface. "No. No, he can't. It's not possible."
The thought of him, Luke, being consumed by Kronos, twisted your insides into knots.
Luke, however, seemed to gather his resolve. "Yes, it is" he said, his voice low and strained. "There are things you don't know, yn. Things I've done."
A cold dread gripped your stomach, a physical manifestation of the terror that clawed at your insides. Your mind raced, desperate for answers. "Then tell me" you only managed to say. "Luke, what have you done?"
He hesitated, looking around as if afraid someone might be listening. "There's no time now" he finally said, his voice tight with urgency. "But I promise I will explain everything. That's not why I'm here."
Taking a deep breath, he dared to reach out, his hand gently grasping yours, finally. The warmth of his touch sent a jolt through you, a stark contrast to the chilling fear that gripped you.
He called your name, his voice softening. "Come with me" he said.
You only feel capable of frowning your brows in confusion. "Go where?" you asked, your voice wary.
"Anywhere" he said, like a plea. "Let's run away, together. It can be just you and me again"
He leaned closer, the air around him crackling with a tension that mirrored the storm within you. As his forehead rested against yours, a jolt of electricity shot through you. It was a familiar warmth, a spark that had ignited countless stolen kisses and whispered secrets back when your world wasn't teetering on the brink of war. His other hand cupped your cheek, the touch a stark contrast to the turmoil raging inside you. His hand, usually warm and comforting, felt cool against your burning skin, a physical reminder of the distance that had grown between you. Yet, despite the chill, a wave of longing washed over you, a yearning for the simple comfort of his touch.
But reason tugged at you, a voice of caution in the midst of the storm. "But Luke," you stammered, pulling away slightly, "If you escape, Kronos will come for you. He'll come for us, and-,"
"I don't care" he interrupted, his voice resolute, yet laced with a tremor that betrayed his bravado. It was as if he was on the precipice, teetering between defiance and the vulnerability of a man on the verge of breaking. "I'll fight everything that comes for us. And if the war happens... I'll fight. I'll fight for everyone, I’ll fight for you. I'm not losing you again, yn."
His words resonated deep within you, a desperate echo of the love you still harbored for him, a love you thought you'd buried beneath layers of anger and sadness. You saw the fear in his eyes, a fear that you sadly shared, but beneath it, a flicker of something else – a raw, desperate hope. And as you looked at him, a wave of relief washed over you.
The relief of knowing he wasn't entirely lost, that a part of the Luke you loved still existed.
"I love you" he confessed again, his voice trembling.
Looking into his eyes, a storm of emotions swirling within them, the truth resonated with you. "I love you too" you whispered, the words tumbling from your lips like a long-awaited confession.
The world did indeed, stop. The rain, a relentless symphony against the window pane, faded into a distant murmur. The thunders became a muffled echo. In that moment, the only reality was the space between you and Luke, charged with the unspoken electricity of your confessions.
He leaned in further, a hesitant question in his eyes. A flicker of fear danced in their depths, a scared boy seeking forgiveness beneath the warrior's facade. You watched him, a bittersweet ache blooming in your chest.
With a sigh that trembled on your lips, you closed the distance. Your lips met in a hesitant touch, a tentative exploration of a forgotten familiarity. Three years of longing, of unspoken words and simmering emotions, poured into that kiss. It was sweeter than you'd dared to imagine, a warmth that spread from your lips and drizzled down your chest.
Unlike the passionate encounters of your past, this felt different; like kissing him for the first time. Luke's lips moved against yours with a reverence that sent shivers down your spine. He held back, his desperate desire tempered with a respect that surprised you. You knew him.
But then, you yielded. Your lips parted, a silent invitation, and his tongue met yours in a dance as old as time. A full, heavy and angry thunderclap erupted outside, a jarring contrast to the intimacy unfolding on the couch. But you paid it no mind, lost in the whirlpool of rediscovered affection.
Your arms encircled his neck, a desperate hold. He, in turn, cupped your waist, his touch lingering on the curve of your hip as he gently lowered you onto the soft cushion. His body hovered above yours. His lips, however, remained glued to yours, a relentless exploration that spoke of a love both fierce and fragile.
The kiss deepened, a slow burn that threatened to consume you both. You felt the familiar rhythm of his heart against yours, a counterpoint to the frantic beat of your own. It was a melody of second chances, of unspoken apologies and nascent hope.
His hand trailed down your back, teasingly brushing under your shirt, sending shivers dancing across your skin. You arched into his touch, a wordless plea for more. But just then, he pulled away, his breath ragged, his eyes a storm of conflicting emotions.
His voice, a husky murmur against your skin, sent shivers down your spine. "I missed this so much," he whispered, his lips trailing down the delicate column of your neck and the dip of your collarbone. His warm breath mingled with your own, a heady mix of emotions swirling around you.
Your fingers tangled in his hair, the familiar texture a stark reminder of the past you both desperately clung to. He reached for your pulse, slowly sucking in before letting it pop.
"I wanted to feel you every night" he confessed. "Every night, I dreamt of you." His words were a stark contrast to the cold, distant Luke you saw in your dreams, the only vivid memory you’ve had of him the past years.
"Luke" you whispered, your voice barely audible as you tried to speak.
He didn't stop. His hand drifted down your torso, his fingers brushing against the exposed skin of your lower tummy. Every touch felt like a brand, a searing reminder of what you had lost and the uncertainty that lay ahead.
"It was a mistake" he said, his voice thick with regret. "A big, fucking mistake. Leaving you, betraying you-, it was the biggest mistake of my life. My life doesn't make any sense without you."
With a strangled sound, Luke deepened the kiss, his lips moving against yours with a desperation that mirrored your own. You clung to him, a drowning sailor grasping at a lifeline. The scent of leather that clung to him was intoxicating, a familiar anchor in this storm of emotions.
"Luke" you managed to gasp between kisses, a flicker of reason breaking through the haze of desire. You needed more than just words, needed a binding promise, something concrete to hold onto if you were to take this leap of faith.
He stared at you, his eyes a storm of emotions – desire, confusion, and a flicker of something that might have been annoyance. But before he could respond, you pressed on.
"Swear on it, Luke" you whispered, your voice trembling slightly. "Swear on the River Styx” you repeat. Luke’s eyes dart back and forth, from your lips, to your eyes, to filling up with confusion. “I’m not-,” you cut yourself off as you feel your eyes filling with tears again. You bit your tongue before speaking, “I’m not letting you hurt me like this again"
You knew it was selfish, a desperate attempt to safeguard your heart. But Luke was here, finally, after all this time. You craved the warmth of his touch, the comfort of his presence. The thought of letting him go again, of enduring another betrayal, was unbearable. Yet, a part of you, still scarred from the past, craved a guarantee, an oath sworn on the most powerful river in the Underworld. It was dangerous, yes, but did you care?
Did he care?
Luke's expression hardened. The River Styx, held a weight that couldn't be ignored. The river he already bathed himself in. It was a binding vow, a promise etched in the very fabric of existence.
He looked at you, his eyes searching yours for a flicker of doubt, a hint of manipulation. But all he saw was the vulnerability, the fear – a vulnerability born from the scars he himself had inflicted.
"I swear on the River Styx" he said, his voice low and solemn, each word heavy with the weight of the oath. "I swear I won’t ever leave you. I swear I love you. I swear I'll fight for you, for us, with every breath in my lungs."
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sequinsmile-x · 2 days
Text
Loquacious
/lo·​qua·​cious./ adjective: tending to talk a great deal; talkative.
Whatever the dentist had given Aaron had apparently made her usually stoic, quiet, husband the chattiest man on the planet. 
-x-
Hi friends!
Some silly, fluffy, and hopefully funny nonsense for you on this Wednesday evening. I'm gifting this to the lovely @em-prentiss because our Hotchniss brain powers somehow connected and encouraged us to both write Aaron high af at the same time haha
I really hope you like this, please let me know what you think <3
-x-
Words: 2.7k
Warnings: Pregnancy, mentions of dentists/dental work
Read over on Ao3, or below the cut
She feels nauseous. 
It swirls in her gut, forcing her to press her fingers against her lips to stop her from retching, worried she’d throw up right here in the dentist’s waiting room if she didn’t. She was almost used to the nausea itself, it had been weeks of it now. Everything seemed to trigger it, making her stomach flip and twist as she tried to breathe through it. She was always oddly proud of herself for pushing through when she could, her other palm pressed against her still flat belly as she tries to ignore the scent of antiseptic in the air that had set her off the moment they’d walked into the dentist’s office. 
“Mrs Hotchner?” 
She looks up from where her gaze had firmly been fixed on the ground and she frowns when she sees the small cup of water being held out to her. The knowing look on the receptionist's face only deepens her confusion as she takes the drink from her. 
“You were starting to look at little green,” the receptionist says, uncurling her fist and dropping a couple of individually wrapped mints into Emily’s other hand, “I was the same way when I had my first,” she says, winking, “The mints help.” 
No one other than Aaron and Emily’s OBGYN knew she was pregnant. They hadn’t been trying all that long yet, only a few months had passed since she’d stopped taking her birth control, and she’d been nothing short of overjoyed when the first pregnancy test she took came back positive. Everything else in her life had been so hard to get, so fiercely fought for, that she thought this would be the same. Another thing for her and Aaron to survive together as they tried to grow their family. 
She was 10 weeks along and pregnancy was kicking her ass. She was exhausted all the time. Emotional. Nauseous. And her boobs hurt so much she felt like she could cry. She was surprised no one on the team had figured it out yet, that they hadn’t realised that over the last few weeks, she hadn’t been to any crime scenes, not when the smell of one almost made her throw up, and that she was largely just doing victimology. 
She knew that they’d have to tell everyone soon, and she was excited to share it with the people she loved, but she would miss this just being something between her and Aaron. A secret they shared in the privacy they so rarely had - his hand pressed against her stomach as they talked about everything their baby would and could be.
Emily stutters on a laugh and shakes her head, “How did you…”
The receptionist smiles kindly, “When you know you now,” she says, standing up straight again, “Your husband is all done, so when you’re ready you can go back and get him.” 
Emily sighs in relief and nods gratefully. He’d only had two teeth removed, a hit from an unsub distributing previous dental work to the point where they couldn’t be salvaged, but she’d been worried. She knew it was a simple procedure, that she’d seen him go through worse. She’d sat by and watched him recover from things most people couldn’t even imagine and she’d done since long before they were together. It didn’t make it any easier - and the hour she’d sat in the waiting room with nothing to keep her busy except the rolling nausea in her stomach and the sound of drills from the procedure rooms had been some of the longest of her life. 
She drinks the water, only sipping half of it so she doesn’t get carried away and make herself sick, and pops one of the mints into her mouth before she heads to where the receptionist had directed her, excited to see her husband. 
She hears him talking before she even enters the room, his voice muffled by the wooden door. As she enters the room, her eyes wide as she looks at her husband. The left-hand side of his face was swollen and numb. The grin he was throwing her, one she could only describe as goofy was lopsided, and his eyes were dazed. 
“Hi honey,” she says, walking over and sitting next to him, relief vibrating in her chest when he squeezes her hand back, “How are you feeling?” 
“Mouth hurts,” he replies, his words slurred ever so slightly, a lisp chasing every syllable as his tongue tries to figure out what the hell is going on. He turns to look at the nurse and points at Emily, “Didn’t I tell you she was pretty?” 
The nurse suppresses a smile, her lips pressed together as she talks over him, clearly aware that he simply wasn’t going to stop talking just because she’d started. 
“Yes, Aaron you did,” she says, turning her attention to Emily, “He’s been talking about you a lot, Dr Harris actually had to ask him to stop so he could extract the tooth.”
It was far from the first time she’d ever seen him on painkillers. They usually just made him sleepy, and more than once he’d fallen asleep with his head on her shoulder on the jet home when he’d been hurt on a case. This, she was quickly realising, was different. 
Whatever the dentist had given Aaron had apparently made her usually stoic, quiet, husband the chattiest man on the planet. 
She smiles softly at him and runs her fingers through his hair, “You’ve been bragging about me?”
He nods earnestly before wincing, “Always.” 
She presses her lips together to stop her smile from getting any wider and she looks up at the nurse, “Is there anything I need to know?”
“Here is some gauze and some more pain meds,” she replies, handing Emily a bag, “He can use an ice pack when needed and as from tomorrow I’d recommend salt water rinses-”
“Gross,” Aaron interrupts, his face screwed up as Emily shoots him a look before she turns her attention back to the nurse.
“No food that will require a lot of chewing, and make sure he is careful when brushing.” 
Emily nods, her eyes flicking to her husband when he reaches for her hand, linking his fingers through hers, “Of course.” 
“What about kissing?” Aaron asks, his brow furrowing in frustration at the sound of his own voice, his tongue heavy in his mouth, “Is kissing okay?”
Emily sighs, ignoring how she could feel the nurse's amusement radiating off of her, “Honey-”
“Kissing is needed,” he says, looking earnestly at the nurse, “Have you seen how pretty she is? I need to be able to kiss her.”
The nurse, to her credit, doesn’t laugh, but she does clear her throat as she nods, her eyes sparkling as they meet Emily’s, “Kissing is fine, Aaron. Don’t worry.” 
Emily squeezes his hand as she looks down at him, “Come on, let's get you out of here,” she says, desperate to get him in the car and home before he says anything else. 
She thanks the nurse and then the receptionist as she walks past, her cheeks warming again as the other woman winks at her. Aaron stumbles ever so slightly when they get outside, as if the fresh air knocks him back, reminding him that he’s pumped full of painkillers and whatever sedative they gave him. She wraps her arm around his waist and smiles when his automatically loops around her shoulder, pulling her closer as if he’s the one providing the support. 
“Let’s go home,” she says as they approach the car, but he stops, still able to use his strength against her even in his impaired state, and she furrows her brow when she turns to see him staring at her, “What's wrong?” 
“I can’t go home, I need to go to work.” 
She thinks he’s joking at first and she laughs but it fades when she realises he’s being serious. She places her hands on her hips and shakes her head at him, “Aaron, baby, you’ve just had two teeth removed. You can’t feel half your face.”
“I don’t need my face to do paperwork,” he says, his attempt at a stern expression somewhat lost when half of his face doesn’t comply. “If you take me home I’ll just drive there myself.” 
She sighs because she knows he would. He’d rest for approximately two minutes before he got in the car and drove himself to work. She rolls her eyes and steps closer to him, making sure she stamps a kiss on the cheek he can feel before she pulls back. 
“Fine,” she says, raising her eyebrow at him, “I just had to marry the most stubborn man on the planet,” she says, shaking her head as she unlocks the car and slides into the driver's side, grateful when he at least doesn’t argue and gets in the passenger seat. She clips her seat belt into place and checks his is secure too when he’s done it, and she catches him staring at her, “What?” 
“You’re so good at looking after me,” he says, his smile still wonky and dazed, “Jack and the baby are so lucky to have you.” 
She leans in and kisses the corner of his mouth, “I think you’ve said more to me in the last few minutes than you did the entire first month I knew you.” 
He frowns, “That’s not true.” 
She hums, “Whatever you say, honey.” 
She pulls her phone out of her pocket and sends two quick texts to the BAU group chat before she locks it and puts it down as she starts the engine. 
As predicted he wants to come to work. If any of you say anything about his lisp or his swollen face I will kill you.
We both know I’m talking to you, Derek.
___
He talks the entire car ride to the office. 
She has to press her lips together to stop herself from laughing more than once, his constant stream of consciousness, mostly about her and how much he loved her, as entertaining as it was embarrassing. 
He’d never been shy about his love for her, not in private anyway. He always told her how much he loved her, how much he appreciated her. But this was something else, unbidden and wild as it spilled out of him without thought, his words slurred slightly by his half-numb face and the pain meds that were making him loopy. 
“Want to know my favourite thing about being at work?” He says as they get out of the elevator, and nods, regretting it when her stomach rolls a little, “That I get to sit at my desk and look at you.” 
She shakes her head lovingly and she stops them, “Want to know my favourite thing about being at work?” 
“I want to know everything about you.” 
She chuckles and bites her lower lip before she leans in, making sure no one would be able to hear her if they walk past, “That occasionally, my husband will sneak away and make out with me in a supply closet.” 
He attempts to waggle his brows at her but fails, “We can do that later if you want.”
She kisses his cheek before she pulls back, heading for the doors into the bullpen, “Baby, I think making out might be a little beyond you for a couple of days.” 
“But the nurse said we could kiss,” he grumbles as she pushes the door open, and she can see the delight that passes over Derek and Dave’s face as they step into the office, but all it takes is her raising her eyebrow at them for them to clear their throats, tight smiles thrown their way as Derek mumbles under his breath. 
“Looking good Hotch.” 
“Do you need help getting up to your office?” Emily asks Aaron, ignoring Derek and the others completely, and she regrets it the moment she asks. The unfiltered love she’d quickly become used to in the last hour or so flashing across his face before he leans in and kisses her cheek, sloppy and uncoordinated as he presses his lips against her skin. 
“You’re such a good wife,” he says as he pulls back, his smile wide, “You’re such a good mom,” he adds, and she knows what was going to happen a split second before it does, his hand reaching out for her stomach as he carries on talking before she can stop him, “I can’t wait to have this baby with you.” 
She sighs and closes her eyes, the moment of silence that follows what he’s said all too brief for her liking before she hears a gasp from JJ. 
“You’re pregnant?” 
Emily turns and looks at the team, and she nods, clearing her throat as she reaches down and squeezes Aaron’s hand before she removes it from her belly, “Yes. I am.” 
JJ pulls her into a hug, and Emily watches as Derek smiles and pulls his phone out of his pocket, sending a text that she’d bet her trust fund on going to Penelope. 
“Congratulations,” JJ says, squeezing her tightly, “I’m so happy for you.”
Emily hugs her back, wrapping her arm around her briefly before she pulls back, “Thank you,” she says, throwing her husband a look, “We weren’t planning on telling anybody yet. But we’re excited.” 
Dave muscles his way in for a hug, before he pats Aaron on the shoulder, “I’m happy for you both. I assume I get to be god-father.” 
“It makes more sense for someone younger than them to be godfather,” Spencer says, smiling when Dave narrows his eyes at him, and Emily turns to Aaron, shaking her head as he watches everyone else. She slaps his shoulder gently, her eyebrow raised as their eyes meet.
“Now you’re quiet?” She asks, opening her mouth to gently berate him, any attempt to be mad at him pointless when he was looking at her like she hung the moon and the stars herself, but she’s cut off by a delighted squeal as Penelope walks into the bullpen. 
“Peaches, you’re pregnant?” 
Emily groans and pinches the bridge of her nose, “I should have just taken him home.” 
___
Aaron grumbles as Emily lifts his head up just long enough to slip in underneath, taking her place back on the couch, before lowering him back down onto the cushion on her lap before she holds an icepack against his cheek. “There’s something wrong with this,” he complains and she smiles, running her fingers through his hair with her free hand. 
“What do you mean?” 
He stretches his jaw and then groans in pain, “My pregnant wife looking after me,” he complains, his lisp almost entirely gone, “I should be waiting on you hand and foot. Bringing you water and ginger ale and rubbing your feet.” 
She chuckles and gently runs her knuckles up and down his good cheek, “You can do that tomorrow when you feel better,” she replies, her smile turning into a smirk, “Plus I think you owe me as many foot rubs as I want after telling everyone about the baby.” 
He grimaces and reaches up for her hand, linking their fingers together as he drags her hand to his lips and kisses them, “I am so sorry, sweetheart.” 
“It’s okay, honey,” she replies, “It’s not how I thought they’d find out. But I’m glad they know,” she says, her smile so wide her cheeks ache, “It makes it feel more real, you know?” 
“I know,” he says, and he turns his head and presses a kiss against her belly before he looks back up at her, “I really love you, Em,” he says, the same dopy smile he’d had all day spreading across his face, “More than I’ve ever loved anyone.” 
Emotion she doesn’t understand, something she blames entirely on the baby, builds in her chest and she blows out a slow breath, “I love you too. More than I’ve ever loved anyone.” 
He smiles widely at her, but it slowly fades as if something is dawning on him and he groans, “You’re never going to let me live today down are you?” 
She laughs loudly and shakes her head, pushing his hair away from his forehead, “Oh, absolutely not.” 
-x-
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xhfics · 3 days
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Hiiii! I know you get a lot of Seungmin requests but this app definitely needs more Seungmin fluff so from the hug prompts, I’ll go with 7+Seungmin — ✨
Perfect opportunity to write a little part 2 to your previous seungmin request
~
It's been a little over a week since the airport 'cuddle session' happened, and neither of you really spoke about it. Which gave you the impression that it was just another platonic moment.
You didn't dare ask him about the kiss atop your head he had given you, even though it was the very first time he'd ever done something like that. Seungmin was always pretty affectionate towards you, but that had never happened before.
Maybe you could ask him soon, as you're on your way to one of his friends' place for a get together. You reread the text Seungmin had send you with the invitation; as cheerful as always and it included the purple heart emoji he often send to you. Nothing has changed so far, right?
It feels a bit weird ringing the doorbell of a house you'd never been before. But luckily your nerves disappear as soon as you see a familiar face open the door.
"Glad you could make it." The guy says, his long and wavy hair in a half ponytail.
"Thanks for letting me come over, Hyeongjun." You reply with a smile, stepping into his apartment.
As soon as you hear the other guys chat in the living room, your nerves come back. You haven't seen Seungmin in a week, as the both of you were very busy, and now you see him again with all his friends there? You kinda want to disappear right now.
"I'm so happy to see you." The voice makes you startle as you hang up your coat, and you turn around to face Seungmin.
"My goodness, you scared me." You say, letting out an awkward chuckle.
"Sorry." Seungmin smiles, and then adds; "also sorry about not being around much this week. I've been meaning to ask you out but-"
"Wait what?" You interrupt him, furrowing your eyebrows.
You see a slight blush on Seungmin's cheeks, and he then pulls you into a careful hug. He wraps his arms around your waist, as you put your arms around his shoulders, and the two of you just stay like that in silence for a few seconds.
"You didn't think I would give you a little kiss and then forget about it, did you?" He then speaks softly. "I've been meaning to talk to you about it. If you want to."
He's wearing the same perfume as last week, and it makes you feel safe with him. You wrap your arms around him a little tighter, which makes him chuckle. And you both know the talking will be postponed for just a few more minutes.
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endless-season · 2 years
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Lucien’s Weibo Posts (2021)
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<< 2020 | [2021] | 2022 >>
2021-1-1
Human memories gradually build up and require markers to organise them into segments. Here’s hoping the New Year will create even more new and happy memories.
2021-1-10
A quiet environment better encourages people to reflect.
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2021-1-15
If one can both enjoy something magnificent as well as share it with someone else at the same time, that is the peak of happiness.
2021-1-22
“I spend so much time alone that silence has become a habit”. Perhaps silence is when you converse with your own heart.
T/N: Quoting ‘West with the Night’ by Beryl Markham
2021-1-29
Silent conversation
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2021-2-5
What one looks like to others is a question for others to answer, there is no need to blindly guess on their behalf.
2021-2-11 (Chinese New Year)
Wishing you a Happy Year of the Ox.
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2021-2-14 (Valentine’s Day SP Event)
🍁 ​​​
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2021-2-23
My jacket experienced the temperatures of two seasons today.
2021-2-27
Beautiful details are captivating even on film.
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2021-3-7
Sharing a picture
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2021-3-16
Why placebo candies can still have real positive effects on mood after being eaten could perhaps be attributed to the brain receiving these cues to release joy.
2021-3-20
Spring goes well with fireworks.
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2021-3-26
Cherry blossom latte is alright but the flavour is a bit strange.
2021-4-1 (April Fools)
Only smart people can see this post, happy holiday.
2021-4-8
Fragrant scent of every spring
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T/N: Quoting ‘Wisteria’ by Lao She
2021-4-16
A fated store
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2021-4-24
It is because of the existence of uncertainty that the confusion before reaching the truth can give rise to surprising possibilities.
2021-4-28
Sharing a picture
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2021-5-1 (Labour Day holiday)
It’s the perfect time for a trip. It would be a shame to miss out.
2021-5-13
Powerful influence.
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2021-5-23
People like to read tragedies alone but read comedies with others. Experiencing pain alone but willing to share happiness, it seems people are naturally community orientated.
2021-5-26
“Moss always points to civilisation”
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Video translation:
It’s been a while since I’ve visited the aquarium. Last time was… *smiles* Looking at the ocean inexplicitly makes one feel lonely - maybe it’s because it’s so vast. I wonder what you, the ones who’ve lived their entire lives within the aquarium glass, think of this? *chuckle* Looks like I still don’t have that kind of empathic special ability. But who knows what the future holds. After all, “Moss always leads to civilisation” and with the progress of civilisation comes deterioration and growth. So I guess we’ll wait a bit and see.
T/N: It really is Spongebob…
2021-6-1 (Children’s Day)
On Children’s Day, it seems all sorts of happiness will be influenced by the atmosphere to become a pure and simple feeling.
2021-6-11
The wrinkles on old books are like scars left by battling through wind and rain, touching them brings a special sense of preciousness.
2021-6-20 (Father’s Day)
Blooming season
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2021-6-29
Across different eras, people have assigned blessings and well wishes to particular objects. Perhaps this is because tangible things are more convincing than intangible things.
2021-7-6
Light and dark interweave under uniform viewfinders.
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T/N: A National Geographic exhibition apparently!
2021-7-12
The phototropism of plants can sometimes create interesting scenery.
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2021-7-20 (Oracle event)
Perhaps to deep seas or perhaps to the shallows
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2021-7-31
To record their own existence, people piece together photos to create a world completely formed from ‘the past’.
2021-8-7
Accidentally found some photos I took a few months ago. It’s as if spring has arrived twice.
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T/N: He initially forgot to write a caption lol
2021-8-14 (Qixi Festival)
Perhaps as your inner expectations increase, the probability of getting the outcome you want also increases.
2021-8-23
Space-time theories are being used to deconstruct antidrama techniques. In certain ways it’s like trying to find order within chaos, and perhaps that truly is the case for many people’s lives.
2021-8-31
Sharing a picture
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2021-9-7
Perhaps in every era there will always be a subset of people who miss the charm of the past.
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T/N: Image from ‘La Ronde’
2021-9-12
Besides the standard date, people will also use temperature, the colour of leaves, the harvest etc to determine when autumn has arrived. Thus, in the same space, there can exist numerous points of time at which autumn has begun.
2021-9-21 (Mid-Autumn Festival)
No matter where you admire the moon from, it will still invoke the strong sense of longing.
2021-9-25
It’s a good time to share tea.
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2021-10-5
It’s like swimming through a painting
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T/N: Summer palace collab event
2021-10-18
Poetry is an emotion as well as an artistic form. People love poems, perhaps because life itself is like writing a poem.
2021-10-23 (Pre Halloween Event)
A boundary separating vitality
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2021-10-31 (Halloween)
It’s the children’s turn to tell scary stories, if I’d known earlier, I should’ve pretended to be scared.
2021-11-6
Happened to see a flock of clouds migrating.
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2021-11-15 (Lucien bday!)
Perhaps the camera lens is not only captured by the clear sky but also the surrounding scenery.
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Xia Lei also commented on this post:
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T/N: “-ge” (lit. brother) is a polite way to refer to older guys.
2021-11-26
When appreciating art, people will tend to project a part of them onto it to understand it and unconsciously see themselves reflected.
2021-12-4 (Near Fourth Anniversary!)
Throughout the seasons, it seems as soon as we arrive in one, we start to look forward to the next.
2021-12-17
Perhaps after life withers, it continues to exist in some other form.
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2021-12-24 (Christmas Eve)
Sharing a picture
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<< 2020 | [2021] | 2022 >>
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vogelmeister · 7 months
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i’m so fucking done with this group assignment
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spikeisawesome456 · 17 days
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.
#I might delete this later but I'm feeling a bit disheartened and want to just put this out there into the world but not super publicly#But like#The worst part of being overweight in my opinion is that it's so so hard to feel cute or pretty or even decent looking#I'm going to Japan with my older brother next week and I've been curating a cutesy Lolita-esque style outfit for the trip and I finally#got the last of the pieces so I tried it all on. And it's just... no matter how hard I try I can't really see myself as cute in it#I don't know maybe pink isn't my color and this just isn't my style. But.#I tried really hard to make an outfit I'd feel cute in and it's devastating to not really see myself as cute#And it's not really that I think I look bad per se it's just...#I don't know#Not what I wanted it to be I guess#And I know that if I posted pictures people would say ''wow you look great!!!'' because people always say that kind of thing#But I'd always think they were lying or were playing it up#Even if they really weren't#I just wanted to feel cutesy and everything and it hurts somewhere deep inside to not feel that way#I'll still wear the outfit in Japan since I spent enough time and money on this outfit but it really dampens my enthusiasm#And this wasn't the first time I've tried on the dress obviously. I've been trying it on periodically all along#But I kept hoping that once it was done and I had the makeup all on maybe I'd finally be able to see myself as cute#But no#I still don't. Not really.#It doesn't help that the dress itself doesn't even fit properly#I got it on sale which is what sparked this whole idea in the first place and it was always a size too small#It never zipped properly but I was able to work around that with an outer corset that held it closed#And a lace shrug that helped hide the weird bunching in the back#I can sometimes get the dress zipped now since I've lost a little weight#But it's a struggle and I can only do it about half the time and it feels like I'm going to break the zipper each time#I'd think to buy a new dress but a) that would cost even more money and I've already spent way more than I had wanted in my endeavor#to feel cute in this dress. And b) all of the accessories are tailored to this dress specifically#It would be hard to find a good replacement and there is no guarantee that would even help#So I just... I don't know#It's just hard.
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todayisafridaynight · 9 months
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never think of ichi getting a haircut and being upset with the result while getting your own hair cut lest you also be cursed with a cut You Did Not Want
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martsonmars · 1 year
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desperately trying not to have a panic attack about university hehehe
#literally the only thing i'm supposed to do is study#am i doing it? nope of course. i have less than a month left to take exams and i should take at least 2 but i haven't opened a book in more#than a month and the thought fills me with dread and i literally physically cannot do it#it's possible that going back to my uni flat would help (it would be a change in scenery for sure) but on wednesday it will be a year since#my father died and there's this fucking church thing and my mother won't force me to stay but i really should. shouldn't i?#after all it's already saturday and i've already wasted 40 days. what's half a week more?#i keep staring at the list of exams and i know that if i spent every waking second studying i could get back on track and graduate when i'm#supposed to graduate but 1. it's not healthy and 2. my brain refuses to study for ONE exam let alone 14 so it's unrealistic#and at this point i should just accept that i'm going to graduate one year late and one year after all my friends because last year i did#absolutely nothing. and last autumn started out great. i moved. i was organised. and then the first week of october my mother was at the#hospital and i had to go home for a week and somehow i let that week screw up my entire semester#and now i'm panicking because i have only 18 days before the exam i'm supposed to take and it doesn't feel enough for everything i have to#study but it's not going to get better if i just let all the days pass without doing anything but i can't i can't i can't#so yeah i should be kind to myself and accept i'll need one additional year for all the exams and take it slowly which is the only way to#actually get things done. but i don't want to. i don't want to tell my mother that i failed at the one thing i'm supposed to be doing#but i really really can't it's hard and i'm failing and my head is screaming that i don't deserve hobbies and yet i keep wasting my days#it's one am and i should either sleep or relax because it's not like i can do anything now and yet i feel like i need to fix my entire life#right this second or i'll explode. i'm so tired of my thoughts.#please ignore all this ^ because i know most of it is irrational or whatever and i DON'T WANT to hear rational things#if you've read until here and really want to say something just tell me that right now i'm allowed to relax#any other comment would make me feel worse#💖💖💖#**one month left to take exams this semester not forever hahaha but then i'd be supposed to take all the remaining exams in the summer#and i can't possibly take 14 exams between now and july which is why i'm panicking (there are other logistically confusing things in what i#said but i wanted to clear this one up at least lmao) (i'm already feeling vaguely better can't you see?)
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a9saga · 9 months
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youtube
the brilliant green - stand by me // the day I run out of tbg videos to post will be the day I stop posting weekly song recs on this blog
#it may be 7am but i know if i don't post this now i probably won't post anything today#and i don't like to have the same pinned post for 3 weeks straight#i wasn't feeling like posting anything too consistently these last couple weeks#i gotta *feel* a song rec man if im gonna queue something i gotta know ill still be playing it by the time it goes up#i listened to the swingin sixties a couple days ago when i was having a lot of anxiety#i think that version of this song may actually be a bit better but you know it's just a good comforting song#bro idek who's getting evicted tonight this is the first week ive honestly been unsure#and i don't even know if i care who goes home!#all i wanna see is how we voted for the superpower competition#i wish either jared or izzy were being backdoored this week tbh over the two actually up for eviction#im done with the way izzy talks to or about people and also jared is saying some gross shit about women on the live feed#that doesn't make the actual cut for the episode#i have two (2) important things i have to do today#one of which is an important virtual meeting at 9 am that my alarm hasn't gone off for yet#yet here i am watching youtube videos and posting songs#i hate being responsible i wish my mummy and daddy had the money to pay for my college in full#and additionally i wish i hadn't been chronically ill for over half my life but here we are doing a damn zoom meeting 🙄#aight yes im pretty stressed as you can tell#the brilliant green#j rock#tommy#90s j rock#tomoko kawase#shunsaku okuda#ryo matsui#song rec#tbt#shut up kaily#also i hope this band does anything ever again i miss them so much i cant even tell you#Youtube
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britneyshakespeare · 1 year
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why does scheduling my work days give me so much stress and anxiety
#i was supposed to do my first day at the high school today but i had literally so much anxiety i could not fall asleep last night no matter#what. i had so much dread. i took so much melatonin lol.#i could shut my brain off till i went into the application and deleted my schedule for the day#ive just been feeling so fatigued and exhausted since i got covid it's crazy. sometimes i'll have bursts of energy where im productive#but yesterday i was just so tired from loading the washing machine. just. fucking sorting clothes and putting them in#that i had to lie down on the floor for a few minutes in the middle of it#not my finest moment#tales from diana#i didn't have anything scheduled for tomorrow and i thought 'maybe if i feel better tonight ill call in'#but i dont feel. super better tonight. and the only thing that i could do tomorrow at my preferred school is kindergarten subbing#for like the main classroom teacher. which i havent done before so i figured 'yeah im not gonna get my anxiety up 2 days in a row'#i deserve to sleep tonight after all and i think if i committed to that i wouldnt be able to#but i am going into my elementary school on wed-thur-friday of this week. wednesday is only a half day but they'll probably find smth for me#to do in the afternoon. they usually do. and im fine w that.#idk im just much more comfortable in my elementary school. i guess bc ive worked there before and i went to school there#as a wittle student waaaay back in the day. like i know the building and it doesn't scare me and i know a good amount of kids there#and the staff don't intimidate me. so yeah.#i did schedule my first job at the high school FOR REAL THIS TIME and it's next friday. hopefully ill be doing better by then.#im working the thursday before it at the elementary so i'll be in the rhythm of that. idk how to explain it but it's harder to go back#to work when ive taken a day off. like that's also why im not going in tomorrow.#friday (4/07) was the first day i worked since i got covid and that was fine but also. i was so anxious just to go in.#and so so so so tired when i got home. and all weekend.#yeah i wasn't ready to start working at the high school today. that was nonsense.#hopefully all will go well on wednesday thursday and friday of this week. im trying to restore my energy and fix my sleep. thatll do wonders#i hope. i hope i hope i hope
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galariangengar · 10 months
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💭
#this girl I was close friends/roommates with during my last year of college just got engaged with her bf of 8 years#while I am happy for both of them… idk I have difficult feelings about her now and don’t see her as a friend anymore#she used to live in the same city as me during the first like year and a half or so of the pandemic#and in that time we got to see/hang out with each other twice#first time we got to catch up for a few hours and we had a good time but it was kinda bittersweet… idk how to describe it#the second time she asked me last minute to accompany her to pick up stuff she got through Facebook marketplace#during one of those two times we hung out/she basically told me to my face that it would be the last time I’d see her#i understood initially cuz she was about to start teaching and she wanted to focus on her relationships with her bf and her family#but not long after she started teaching/she quickly started going out a lot and making new friends#then she moved to another town like 30 ish minutes away cuz her aunt kicked her out in the middle of her first year of teaching#idk I never had a good feeling about things cuz of all of that stuff I stated above#but also since she’s been trying on working to improve her relationship with her mom after everything she’s done to her#cuz we both have shitty moms who’ve said and done shitty things to us and our families#i know it probably won’t happen or won’t happen for like a few years#but in the event she invites me to her wedding/ I’m gonna be deadass with her about how I’ve felt about her#and see if she’s willing to work on improving our friendship before I decide to attend (if she does invite me cuz idk)#oh I also forgot how after she moved after her aunt kicked her out#she had the nerve to randomly ask if I could watch her aunt’s dogs during the week I was starting 3 online summer classes#she didn’t even like say hi/make small talk or ask nicely either#she just straight up was like ‘hey can you watch my aunt’s dogs during (x) week?’#she recently congratulated me when I posted on my Instagram story that I passed my driving text and got me license but I didn’t respond#I just have a lot of difficult feelings about her now/wish I could unfollow her but I don’t wanna start shit & her be all in my face & shit#jazz uses curse! 💜
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svtskneecaps · 1 year
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ayo shoutout to revali for being the champion whose ability i have used the least since obtaining
#i have not obtained urbosa's fury bc sand seals are scary and the camel makes me nervous#i've used mipha's grace at least three times bc i'm bad at the game but i'm also a coward so i don't die but when i DO die. i DIE.#and shoutout to daruk bc i can't parry for shit but i love exploding the spiders#not kpop#shut up vic#that's a lie i'm getting better at parrying i killed at least two walking guardian spider boys entirely on my own#and i can consistently get the decaying guardians first try#but like. i suck. lmfao.#if a shrine is anything above a minor test of strength i literally turn tf around and walk out#like yes medoh was my most recent divind beast but 'most recent' was last week#i have done most of naboris; explored mount lanayru; found a stable i somehow missed; combed the eastern islands; finished eventide;#tidied some sidequests; killed a talus using only bombs; killed another talus; cried in the temple of time; dyed half of my clothes purple;#found fifty more koroks; finally found the second to last memory i need; combed faron woods looking for the spring of courage because#my theory is that it's there (i'm still looking lol); killed a monster camp out of spite; picked a fight with every yiga i saw out of spite;#combed the gerudo highlands; finished two labyrinths; wandered into castle town; wandered into castle town again;#entered castle town with the intention of murdering every guardian i saw; killed the yiga leader; helped build tarrey town; killed a molduga#activated the tower in hyrule field; explored hyrule field in stealth mode bc i'm a pussy and guardians scare me; found and paid the last#great fairy; found and paid the horse god; found and tamed a third horse for the quest at dueling peaks; furnished links's house#upgraded most of my clothes to their highest level; tracked down the other two pieces of the zora armor; found more berserker armor;#killed a lynel because i walked in on it and decided that meant it had to die even if i died too#my point is i've done a lot of shit and in that time i have used revali's gale. twice.#me staring at a wet cliff: well. my only options are to wait it out or go around.#i can't stress that this isn't me willfully sticking it to the birdman i literally just forget i have it i am. dumb.#long tags
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butt-puncher · 20 days
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I wish that I was more
#sad hours at the huskin bee#personal#graduating soon and the animation department is collecting photos of everyone in the drive#and seeing all these group photos of everyone in the program makes me realize how distant i am from them#and how close knit everyone else has become...#ive never been good at making friends and within like the first few weeks of school it was like everyone got to know each other#and the few friends i made in the program left after the first year#i wish my social anxiety wasnt so bad i tried harder to make friends in college#also i have an essay due on monday and i might just not do it#or itll be really half assed#ive been doing well so far in that class so if i dont do it i think the least id get is a C#idk maybe i can still make friends w these ppl after college somehow but itd still feel weird bc i had a completely different shm experience#than they had#ahhhh#i can imagine a future reunion where ppl will talk to be about old drama that was big among this giant friend group#that consists of most people in my year that ill have no idea what theyre talking abt#bc im never in the loop abt anything ever lol#this actually happened at my hs animation reunion except i actually knew and talked to most ppl in that class#i wasnt like super close to most of them but i had a few closeish friends#and i know one of those friends probably werent/arent in the know#also like i did hear abt relationship drama back in the day bc gossip spread p easily#anyways i was told completely new information abt someone getting stalked back then so thats wild#and apparently there was a super handsome guy in our class that i for some reason have zero recollection of#point is i be the last person to know something and if i know smth then everyone probably already knew#which is annoying. i wanna hear gossip too. even in my own family my sisters will tell each other and our mom about shit that went down w#their friends or our cousins and i only hear abt it when im in the room#so i end up hearing a lot but never directly and sometimes not in full#man i shouldve gone on more college field trips#shouldve done a lot more in life that my insecurities get the way of#tbh i genuinely think i might have a form of undiagnosed anxiety; tism; or some other mental disorder
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exopelagic · 2 months
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i will not panic abt my exams
#it will be fine actually#I’m stressed bc they’re in. a month now like a month from today and I’ll be done#but that just means I have a whole month to be making notes I can do a lot in a month#I’m going home on Friday which is stressing me out but it’s just one week I’ll go Friday and leave Saturday/Sunday#and if I can do a handful of lectures while I’m at home that’ll be a useful step no matter what#i can probably focus on like molecular ones which are easier to structure bc I just need to pull out the mechanisms#tomorrow I just gotta read up on two topics really and then I can write the dumb mock exam which I won’t be able to do at home bc its 4 hour#I hate that we have to do that especially bc it’s got shit evil questions but whatever#and I can’t feel bad abt being slow to get back into this bc im an animal with a body and it takes a while to get back into Anything#and I’m worried abt the exam yes bc of how it went last year when I was unprepared but 1) I won’t be THAT degree of unprepared this year#2) it is unlikely that i get as insanely unlucky as I did last year#fucking hell I just. don’t think I’m made for this kinda system I can’t make myself work in it#every single term of my degree so far I’ve been fighting to keep up with everything and had no time to properly prepare for the exams#and then scraped it by working off a baseline level of being good at putting ideas together quickly and strategically working last minute#on whatever will give me the best shot at getting what I need but that’s not possible in these two exams bc I have over 100 lectures to know#I can’t do 100 lectures in a month. it’s just not possible but what I can probably do is summarise some important bits for like half of them#I think I’m bad at the whole sustained effort on a big task over a long period of time#bc this is so huge that there’s no way for me to see progress or move on to anything new bc it’s just. a stack of 100 lectures to deal with#I HOPE I’m better at dealing with project next year bc i think it’ll be more task based#and like I can watch the lectures the first time round bc there’s a set thing to do and an end point#I have genuinely no idea how to approach this in a way that will be useful achievable AND get enough done within the time I have#anyway I can’t stress abt it now bc I have to go to the shop and then home to cook. so#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#luke.txt
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