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feanorianethicsdepartment · 3 years

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more of tauriel’s hellfamily adventures! there’s still a couple of gaps in my conception of this au, which is why these are bullet points and not an actual fic, but i think i’ve got enough to progress the plot, such as it is. certainly got a bunch of anecdotes i think are funny

i’m not even going to bother explaining how tauriel ended up in one of the fëanorians’ boltholes being treated for mild injuries

nothing super serious, but enough that she’s out of action for the rest of the night. the palace is on fire

the bolthole opens, and celegorm (who’s doing first aid) turns his head. his preemptive scowl melts away instantly. ‘hi elrond!’

the former lord of imladris just sighs. ‘please tell me you idiots haven’t abducted tauriel’

legolas has concerns, apparently. he saw celegorm vanish into an alleyway with her slung over his shoulder and immediately started panicking

‘i've talked him into delaying his rescue mission until i had the chance to check that she was safe’ elrond finishes, sounding absolutely exhausted

tauriel confirms that she is doing fine, as much as she can through the concussion. celegorm’s like ‘if he’s so worried about her why doesn’t he just come up here’

elrond disappears, and a few minutes later legolas scrambles inside

he’s glaring at celegorm. celegorm tells him where the first aid kit is, punches him on the arm, compliments his tracking skills in a vaguely threatening manner, and jumps back out to assist with the chaos

legolas collapses by tauriel’s bedside, still clutching his bow. tauriel pats him on the thigh reassuringly

neither of them are surprised elrond knows the fëanorians - they stayed in his place in tol eressëa for a while, dude knows literally everyone - but they don’t really know why

closer to dawn, elrond’s voice drifts up into the hideout. he’s going on this long irritated rant that climaxes in an extremely exasperated ‘valardamnit dad!’

maglor cackles. tauriel’s like ‘huh didn’t know that.’ legolas makes a face like he accidentally swallowed a spider

by this point, tauriel’s known the brothers hellspawn for long enough legolas has been unnervingly close to a kinslayer way more times than he’d like

this is the longest he’s spent in proximity to them by far, but it’s not the only time he’s interacted with them. they seem to like tauriel, and he knows she can take care of herself

but like still

it keeps happening, though. as tauriel further ingratiates herself with these awful awful elves, her two separate social circles keep bleeding into each other

take the time legolas and co visited the aulendili

before they left middle-earth, gimli whipped round every dwarf they knew and assembled several volumes of complaints. they refuse to confirm or deny whether aulë is the maker, but they are determined someone’s gonna hear their grievances

and thus a small wagon train of wood elves head up into the mountains. including tauriel

tauriel offhandedly mentioned the upcoming trip to the twins, and amras was like ‘hey we’ve got family up there!’ a few messages went up and down the funicular, and now gimli and crew have a place to crash up there

they’re put up by some of the fëanorians’ less murderous (if equally loud) relatives. it’s a pretty interesting trip

half the town is redheads. several people still mistake tauriel for a fëanorian. it’s been happening a lot in the wider noldorin territory lately, it’s weird

caranthir stumbles up into town about halfway through their visit. he gets into an extremely long philosophical argument with gimli that somehow ends with a mutual dwarven nod of respect

he also ends up fighting back-to-back with tauriel in one of those debatebrawls so common among the noldor. neither of them is quite sure how it happens

that’s the way it goes, isn’t it. there’s no big official moment when tauriel becomes part of the family

she just grows closer to them over her time in valinor, as they do to her

she merges into their social world. she develops a rapport with maglor’s wife - a first age mountain sinda and a third age forest avar don’t have that much in common, but they are both looking at noldorin culture from the outside. they have so many injokes about ridiculous bling

(it goes the other way too. this childhood friend oc of hers i’m developing - pretty sweet guy, the token sane man in the legolas-tauriel-him trinity - gets along really well with celebrimbor)

this one time tauriel punches a guy out for calling elrond a traitor. it doesn’t matter that he’s like three times her age, he is babey

she gets chewed out by maedhros and tests out new devices for curufin and drops in on nerdanel for tea. even though she doesn’t permanently live in the definitely-not-fëanorian quarter, she has her own personal space in its innermost warren

she’s one of them long before anyone consciously realises it

what causes that realisation is, admittedly, partially the conspiracy theories. if you say something often enough, you’ll start to believe it, and while the tauriel origin stories circulating through the noldorin rumour mill vary a lot in the details they all agree she is a fëanorian

but that’s a gradual long-term thing. it’s one more thread that leads to the moment

because there has to be an inflection point, i think. the fëanorians have plenty of family friends within the ranks of their definitely-not-minions. some are even as close to them as tauriel’s become

something has to happen to show she’s something more. fortunately, as demonstrated by the darkening and the númenorian invasion, no matter how peaceful it seems, history never stops

shit goes down. the exact details i’ll admit i don’t know yet, but at some point some sort of massive crisis rocks all of valinor. it’s during that crisis that tauriel does stuff that makes it blindingly obvious she’s not just on her side, but one of them

what stuff? again, i don’t know yet. i have this mental image of her leading a strike team that’s half definitely-not-minions and half legolas’ people through a burning city to do... something badass, but that’s as specific as i can get atm

what i am certain about, is that throughout the unfolding of the crisis, tauriel is permanently on the fëanorians’ side, just like they’re on hers

it’s one thing to be someone’s friend in bright happy days. it’s another thing to stick by them when everything’s falling to pieces and the whole world is against them. it’s in the depths of this crisis that both parties have the chance to fully prove their worth to each other

that probably wouldn’t be enough on its own, but combined with the friendship and the conspiracy theories and just the general way she is, once the dust settles it’s blazingly clear that tauriel is a daughter of the house of fëanor

there’s a little debate about where exactly she fits on the family tree, but not much. our sample size is admittedly small, but third generation fëanorians tend to have the slightest modicum of common sense? elrond and celebrimbor both have a fair degree of self-awareness and at least a few brain cells

tauriel does not. tauriel is mad, bad, and dangerous to know, just smart enough to understand that her sheer chaoticness is something she can channel but not nearly close to regularly thinking through the consequences of her actions. she’s loud and violent and does whatever she wants whenever she wants without a single thought towards what people will think of her

and more than that, she doesn’t relate to the second generation fëanorians the way the third generation does. she’s their friend and partner-in-crime, not one of their precious perfect must-protect children. she gets jerked around and bullied and does all that stuff right back, and while she doesn’t have a solid place in the second generation’s internal hierarchy yet she would easily slot in

no, tauriel’s a second generation fëanorian, one of fëanor and nerdanel’s horrible children. the fact that fëanor is currently indisposed and unable to provide an opinion on the matter doesn’t seem to bother anyone

she gets inducted into the family in a massive group hug, and from then on out the brothers hellspawn are the siblings hellspawn

her new family doesn’t replace her old one, of course, she has a long talk with elrond wherein she hashes this out. she’s still a silvan of the greenwood

she’s just also the little sister of the most bloodthirsty elves in history

(that sound in the background is legolas screaming)

#silmarillion #tauriel #feanorians #house of feanor #the feanorian tauriel saga #my terrible fic #this is late because i needed to sleep last night #extremely panicky background legolas #the worst part is he can't even deny it #current plan is looking like one more main entry and a couple of errata #there's a scene i don't think i'll be able to fit in and a little minific about why tauriel doesn't believe in maedhros

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razorblade180 · 3 years

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Interdimensional Moms: part 1

Intro <-

Yang:So how we doin this? Drawing straws or... well we actually don’t have straws here so-

Weiss:It’s obvious that you wanna go first.

Blake:Extremely obvious.

Ruby:All over your face.

Yang:Hey now, don’t call me out like that! We all have so much to sort out here. I don’t even know where to begin. Differences could start and stop anywhere for all we really know.

Blake:From what it seems, Beacon itself would have one or two minor changes, but the real changes start after the fall. At least, for you three that is.

Weiss:You saying you’re different?

Blake:Unless you three started going on dates with Jaune at Beacon, then yes, I’m different.

RWY:(They’ve been together that long!?)

Yang:Okay, starting from Beacon...nothing really stands out too much. Jaune and I were just friends. *cringes* Back then, a certain faunus caught my eye.

Blake:Ah...right. I guess that tracks in practically every universe.

RW:Oh yeah it does. You two are joined at the hip.

Yang:Haha, really? Glad to hear it. My Blake and I are best buds! Remnant has never seen such a dynamic duo! Can’t say it didn’t take a lot of time effort after a rough patch. We actually dated in my world.

Blake:Same.

Yang:What!? How long?

Blake:I don’t know, it was pretty on again off again.

Yang:Well for me it was after Haven. Both of us had gotten pretty serious. All the growing we’ve done together and apart had brought us closer. However, Adam unintentionally put a wedge between us. His attempt to change and the problems that came with it were-

Yang stopped midway and saw the confused faces of her otherworldly teammates. They were shocked, confused even. Especially Blake, who looked the most shocked of all.

Yang:Umm did I say something odd?

Blake:Adam, he...isn’t dead?

Yang:Oh, well I guess that’s the start of the major changes then. Blake and I fought Adam at Argus. Stabbed him through the chest and watched him fall down rocks into a river.

Ruby:That lines you with my world. Dude died that day. Like any normal person should.

Yang:Well Adam is anything but fucking normal. Man has the craziest luck. A young women, the winter maiden in fact, she saved his life. She’s not exactly normal either. The maiden, Jacquelyn, ended up sticking by him to see if she could change his ways. This naturally meant we’d run into them again. And that’s how things fell apart.

Blake:What do you mean?

Yang:You were fully committed to seeing if Adam could actually change. I wasn’t, so we constantly butted heads in any situation involving him. Then we would fight about things that had nothing to do with at all. Eventually, we broke it off. We remained on decent terms but I was pretty heartbroken about the disconnect. Enter our lovable blonde idiot. Jaune did everything in his power to cheer me up.

Weiss:Sounds like him. Always such a bleeding heart. That boy just can’t help himself. Let me guess, his kindness and concern made you feel all warm and fuzzy?

Yang:Hehe, guilty. It was more of his willingness to laugh at my puns. Jaune’s always been interesting to talk to. He tries to act cool and calm even though he’s terrible at it, then comes clean right after. Before I knew it I was telling him things I hadn’t talked about with people before. I could tell he looked at me like most guys do, but also genuinely wanted to listen to me. Talk about playing unfair; he got defenseless. Suddenly I was smiling again. Anytime with him was time well spent. Then one day, I kissed him.

Ruby:Happily ever after?

Yang:Not even close! Hahaha!

Weiss:Why do you sound proud?

Yang:It’s funny looking back at it to a certain degree. Gods, I was such a brat. More than a few fights are on me. Between Blake, Raven, and other experiences, my insecurities flared up in ugly ways over nothing. It even got us to break up too. I was officially done with dating. My Ruby was out in an uncomfortable position.

Ruby:I bet! I’d never want you two fighting. Especially in my world. Picking between the person I love and my sister!? I don’t know what will happen.

Yang:I kinda do. *sets up* You’d start dating Jaune because you’ve looked at him since Beacon. The two of you would confide in each other and share a special kind of love, but it would be bittersweet. All because your sister still pines for him and never met to make him leave, and Jaune never says it, but he hates how things fell apart. He’s faithful to you and would never do you wrong, a guy to truly cherish. So... you let him go. Watch him walk back to your sister like you asked, because my happiness was worth that much to you.

Ruby:....

Yang: In my world at least. Honestly it’s still the most amazing thing I’ve seen you do. We must’ve cried over that conversation for hours. I felt so guilty and you only smiled, hugging me tight. Jaune and I had a few more stumbles. Nothing serious though. Eventually we moved in together when the world was saved. You and Oscar got together officially which made me happy. Even made our weddings a competition of who’d make dad bawl his eyes out the most. You won by the way; Raven came back into our family and into dad’s arms. Last but not least I had a baby. Yujin Xiao Long, my fucking pride and joy from above.

Weiss:Wow, that’s a lot.

Blake:What am I doing? Did I marry Sun?

Yang:Yep. You and blondes Blake, I tell ya.

Weiss:Hold the phone! Who am I with!?

Yang:Pretty sure you’re technically single. Buuuut, Neo and your have gotten pretty friendly from what I managed to interrogate out of you.

Weiss:That’s, highly unexpected. For a number of reasons.

Yang:Better believe it. Besides Cinder, a few crazies, and Salem, a few people made something of themselves. Dying sucks after all.

Ruby:You have a dead Cinder?

WBY: You don’t?

Ruby:*crosses arms* Hmph, I’ll wait my turn. Yang, you said you’re the only mother from our team. If Blake and I have been married for quite some time then what, we don’t want kids?

The joyful sunshine from Yang slipped into grayer skies. Her smile faded and it increasingly got harder to look at this Ruby without thinking of her own.

Yang:Are you sure that’s something you wanna know? I’ll tell you, but I didn’t want to bring down the mood with the problems where I from.

Blake:Problems? How big of a problem.

Yang:The biggest we’ve faced. It’s...a lot.

Ruby:Well we’ve listened this far. *takes hand* Lay it on us.

Yang:Pfft, oh boy. So...umm...another secret war came up. One that caused us to leave our friends and family for over a decade.

Weiss:A decade!?

Blake:What gets worse after Salem!? Who tries anything after a grimm queen!?

Yang:So a majority of Remnant was still unaware of her, but a fight like that can only be kept under wraps so tightly. Plenty of people still learned fractions of the truth. A few of those people weren’t exactly nice guys. They idolized her efforts and became her followers that wanted to keep her will alive, starting with taking revenge on the people who defeated her. We were so unaware. So caught up in normalcy. They ambushed us, and I mean everyone. We...we didn’t come out unscathed. Ren was crippled badly. Weiss, you almost your brother. Jaune’s family got hit but thankfully lived. The real casualties were aimed to hurt Ruby.

Ruby:Oh, of course. S-So, either you’re about to say I had no time to start a family, or...

Yang:...

Yang:When I tell you the look you made when you learned what happened to Oscar, to Qrow... that’s the moment it felt like my little sister left forever. Till this day you don’t smile like you used to. Very recently, now that it’s finally over, you’ve started looking better, but those ten years were hell. We choose to go out and fight again, avoiding contact with family. I haven’t had a real opportunity to be in my daughters life.

Ruby:How old is she?

Yang:Sixteen soon. Left her when she was four so you know. *tearing up* I missed everything. Just about anyways. Ironically it was Raven and Adam that helped her through the years with Jaune and Dad. Eventually we came back and ooohh boy was Yujin not thrilled in the slightest. Hehehe. Her right hook is really strong. I only had about a week with her before things got complicated again. *wipes eyes* But it’s okay. We left on good term. Something I definitely don’t feel like I deserve.

Blake:I can’t believe a thing like that would be possible.

Yang:Cults are a huge problem in Remnant now. You’re definitely aware of that. You actually oversee a little group from the shadows to deal with them in secret. An idea you got from experience. Adam works for you and everything. Hate to admit, but he’s become the guy you wanted him to be. Even has a family. I’m grateful to him. He personally kept my girl safe.

Blake:To think I’d hear you say that. Now I know this isn’t my world.

Yang:Don’t get me wrong, I still will hit him if given the chance. My life hasn’t been charmed and sacrifices too great were happening way too many times but it finally has gotten to a point where everyone feels like we’re taking steps towards a better future.

Weiss:Moving forward?

Yang:Yes, I was trying to avoid the phrase but yes Weiss, we’re moving forward. Still... *looks at Ruby*....

Ruby:W-What?

Yang:It’s unreal seeing you like this. My Ruby has become so strong and endured but hasn’t really picked herself up completely. All her tragedy stemmed from the loss of Oscar and Qrow; her last talk with Oscar was fight about kids too. That’s the entire reason she went off alone in the first place. Looking at you I can’t help but question my own choices. If...I just let her stay with Jaune, then maybe-

Ruby:Nope.

Yang:Huh?

Ruby:Look, if I know anything about your world, then it’s gonna be me and I can tell you without a doubt your Ruby doesn’t blame or would consider her own happiness without you. She loved you enough to take the chance to find love again. You really think there’s anything you could’ve done differently at that point. That girl is as stubborn as they come! *smiles* So buck up cowgirl. You deserve it.

A sense of warmth came over Yang as she heard those words. This other Ruby smiled at her with the same love as her own; completely caring about Yang’s feeling before her own. Yang felt so...unburdened. She couldn’t help but cry a little, laughing softly as she did. Who would’ve thought love could transcend worlds? It was so vindicating, therapeutic even.

Yang:Ruby, you’re something else entirely, you know that?

Ruby:It’s my curse. All I ever wanted was normal knees but the world said “no, special eyes!”

Yang:Well I guess I should thank the world then?

Weiss:You said your Ruby is getting better? That’s good. Still, it must be pretty weird looking at Jaune. Can’t imagine how lonely it must feel losing a love twice.

Blake:It never numbs.

Yang:Geez you two, lighten up. We can’t all be depressed. Ruby also didn’t lose Jaune. Actually....there may or may not have been an interesting...arrangement for a brief period of time.

Ruby:Ehhh what?

Yang:Hehehe well, hahaha, ummmm a decade is a very long time without feeling any kind of pleasure in a bleak situation. And you know me, I have to share things with you all my life.

Ruby:OH MY GOD!!!

Blake:*grinning* Yooooo! You loaned out Jaune!?

Weiss:That’s....accurate; in a lot of ways.

Ruby:That’s so scandalous! How could you!?

Yang:I didn’t force it! I gave the option, you said no, then you changed your mind because things got real stressful. Like come on, a decade of death and loneliness.

Ruby:Sigh...yeah. I can see it. Still, it’s so filthy. He’s a married man. What, so I’d just look at you and say “Yang I’m gonna sleep with Jaune, don’t come in the room.”

Yang:....

Ruby:What?

Yang:....Nothing.

Ruby:Bullshit! What is it!?

Yang:*scratches head* Well, I was lonely too, and a week is only so long-

Weiss:Oh so it was a group thing!!?

Ruby:WHAT!?

Yang:Only sometimes!

Ruby:SOMETIMES!?

Blake:HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! THAT IS AMAZING!

Ruby:Why are you laughing!?

Blake:Because that’s just so extreme, and not, all at the same time. I could totally see that happening.

Weiss:Same. Dang, Jaune slept with sisters. That’s dangerously close to being like your dad.

Ruby:That’s different!

Blake:Is it though?

Yang:Eh, I don’t see the problem. We’re all grown and make choices. Plus I’m the one who guided you through awkward teenage changes. It not like we didn’t share a room for years.

Ruby:That doesn’t make it okay.

Yang:Eh debatable.

Ruby:*red* It isn’t though! How could I do something so bold!? So taboo!?

Weiss:It isn’t like you’re the one who did it. Just a version of you.

Ruby:Not better!

Yang:Awwww it’s okay Ruby. Let’s hug it out. Hehehe *opens arms*

Ruby:Don’t touch me!

Weiss and Blake laugh until their sides hurt as Ruby tries escaping the bear hug that terrorized her. Yang’s world found interesting for sure. Weiss finally decides to help Ruby out.

Weiss:Got a picture of Yujin?

Yang’s eyes lit up and pulled out her scroll. Her team huddled around her and collectively cooed like that parents they are at the sight of a blonde young girl with gorgeous blue eyes with a black combat school graduation cap and gown and a certificate proudly raised up high. If it wasn’t for those eyes and shoulders length hair, they might’ve mistaken her for Yang.

Yang:She’s going to Beacon early because she’s fucking awesome like her mom.

Ruby:I think you mean her aunt?

Yang:I know what I said.

Weiss:I bet she’s just as hardheaded.

Blake:What do you think your kid is up to right now?

Yang: Well...*smiles*

xxxx

The girl in question sat at a work bench with oil on her face and her hands busy tinkering with gauntlets. She looked over at blueprints in a journal. If they were right, then she was definitely doing something wrong. How her mother made something so complex was crazy!

Yujin:Come on Yujin. You can fix a car, making gauntlets into a sword that don’t break should be easy!

Footsteps came up from behind her and a plate stacked with sandwiches. She looked up and smiled at her dad that gave her a wink, then kissed her forehead.

Jaune:Haveing fun, you grease monkey.

Yujin:Jokes on you, I like monkeys. Just a few more attempts and I’ll have the coolest weapon in Remnant. That entrance exam is as good as aced.

Jaune:Not if you don’t have a landing strategy. Tomorrow we’re going on a trip.

Yujin:Does it happen to be near a cliff?

Jaune:Who can say? Rule one of being a huntsman, be prepared for everything.

He ruffled her hair and left, laughing evilly. Yujin could tell he’s been waiting for this day. She pulled out her scroll and searched through a collection of videos labeled “mom” and found a super early one. She hit play and watched her mother give a peace sign to the camera as trees increasingly got closer from below.

Yang:Beacon rules!!!! Wooohooo!

The camera flipped and focused on a familiar blonde flailing through the air like a doll in the distance.

Yang:Oof, hate to be that guy! Wait, that’s vomit boy! Hahah, hope he survives. He owes me shoes. Poor dude. I guess he needs more training in flirting and landing. Wait, eugh I think he barfed again! Hahaha!

Jaune:Stop watching that one!!!!

Yujin:Hahaha but it’s the best one. The ending is priceless.

Jaune: *walks back down*

Yang:Well if he survives this I guess I can off him at least I can offer him mints and company. Fake it to ya make Jaune. Between me and Ruby, at least you’ll look like a player. Heh, nah, I don’t think I can support a bunny onesie.

Yujin and Jaune:*grinning* And then she did! *high-fives* Arc charm, baby!

#rwby #rwby au #jaune arc #ruby rose #weiss schnee #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #rwby dragonslayer #yujin xiao long #rwby lasting embers

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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I ask you because you’re good at articulating your thoughts but why do you like BB? I just wanna know the hype behind this ship, I’ve seen people outside the fandom either say they’re waiting for it to be canon to get into the show or they claim it’s the only good thing about it.

Hey, anon! Ah, getting a lovely compliment about articulating thoughts while I sit here struggling to articulate my thoughts lol.

Okay, I want to start by saying that I personally like Yang/Blake about as much as the majority of the ships I have. Meaning, the 95% of fictional characters I enjoy seeing as a canonical couple and/or imagining as a potential couple, excluding the 5% that I get really, really into. I've got OTPs and I've got casual ships. BB is the latter. Why is this important? Because I think BB has been under an extreme amount of pressure over the years, with that pressure only increasing as time goes on and that... kinda sucks. They represent the growing demand for explicitly queer relationships. They're tied to a webseries and a fandom rather infamous at this point for its heated, controversial content. They're a part of an era where fans are more focused than ever on canonical status, whereas back in the day you just enjoyed ships for the hell of it, regardless of their chances of getting together on screen. It used to be that people unironically adored ships for characters who had never exchanged a single greeting. Nowadays, you need a ten page essay explaining why the ship is supposedly The Best. Blake/Yang is bound up in all of that, resulting in a community that, yeah, hypes things up to an arguably unnecessary degree. We've reached a point where this couple supposedly makes or breaks the entire show; it's either the greatest ship to every grace the small screen, or it's the ruin of the entire franchise. In reality, Blake/Yang is just... a ship. Like any other ship. Some people like it. Some people don't. It should be far more casual than it is. Which isn't to say fans aren't justified in being invested in the politics of the queer relationship — I am — or even just emotionally invested in a ship they really enjoy, but rather that I think the hype is due more to these external factors than the relationship itself. Blake and Yang arguably aren't unique in what makes them an attractive couple. Are they important in terms of that representation for an American webseries? Yes. Are they exceptional in regards to these two character types being shipped by a fandom? Not by a longshot. I could give you hundreds of ships that look just like Blake and Yang.

And that for me is part of the appeal. I like many of the same sorts of things in my ships. One of those is the "opposites attract" setup, where we have the brash party girl coupled with the quieter bookworm. They balance each other in a number of significant ways, from fighting styles to their backgrounds. And, for fic purposes, that balance can also provide great conflict for them to work through, resulting in a stronger couple down the line. Going off of that, I enjoy that they're already partners at the (near) start of the show. The different definitions of "partner" is always fun, but beyond that — and despite the before mentioned shipping of characters who have never interacted — there's a tendency to pair of the duos who have already been paired up by the story. There's a sense of inevitability about it (fate, perhaps?) alongside the practical benefit of them getting a lot of screen time together. There's a reason why Blake/Yang and Ruby/Weiss got popular, with the former arguably surpassing the latter only because of its likelihood of becoming canon. We reached a point where the show is actively pushing Blake/Yang in a way they never did Ruby/Weiss — their coding is far stronger — and that creates a snowball effect: popular ships keep getting more popular the more attention they're paid; you pay the popular stuff more attention. Round and round we go. But I also enjoy their awkward flirting and tender moments, no matter how many problems might be attached to those in the story's context. I like how they tease and push one another — even if, again, the story has largely failed in that regard. They have a lot of good potential, shall we say, which is all a fan ever needs. Whether you're analyzing one of their clearly coded moments, or just running with the balanced color scheme — Yang has purple eyes with Blake wearing purple, Blake has yellow eyes with Yang wearing yellow — there's a lot in the show to connect them together, making the already easy job of shipping even easier.

Blake/Yang is a solid ship. They just also happen to be a ship bearing most of the weight of their show. I've made the comparison before, but it's not unlike Dean/Cas becoming the cornerstone of Supernatural. You reach a point where the story itself is such a mess that the most popular pairing becomes the supposed answer to all these problems: it's either the saving grace, or the reason for the show's destruction. It'll either save RWBY or function as the explanation for its downfall. Yang/Blake is heading more and more in that direction, either built up or torn down to an extreme degree as it tries to bear that weight. But honestly? I don't think it's any better or worse than those hundred other ships I could toss out. Ignoring the f/f rep, they're a pretty classic setup, a dime a dozen, and the important takeaway is that there's nothing wrong with that. There's a reason pairings like Blake/Yang got popular in the first place. Saying "I've seen it before" isn't a bad thing because fans like familiarity. But it simultaneously means they're not the best thing since sliced bread. They're neither the devil nor the angel the RWBY community has made them out to be.

So basically, my own casual enjoyment aside, I don't think the external factors propelling the love/hatred for the ship means the ship itself is actually that astounding or horrific. In a better written show, a less controversial show, setting aside those fans who have Yang/Blake as their first OTP and are pouring all that intense love into it, etc. I think the ship would still be popular... but we wouldn't be in this "it's the only good thing about the show"/"this was the show's downfall" territory. Pretty much every large fandom is going to develop that one, popular ship — just look at how fast Loki/Mobius happened — which shows that Blake/Yang is not unique in regards to getting the majority of a community's attention. It's just that other shows are solid enough to let ships be ships, without expecting any one ship to prove the show's worth. Or herald its downfall.

#rwby #mymetas

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lokiondisneyplus · 3 years

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Loki is the latest Marvel Studios TV series in the long-running franchise and it’s currently ongoing with five episodes so far available to stream on Disney+ Hotstar Malaysia. For previous breakdowns of Loki episodes, check out Episode 1 here, Episode 2 here, Episode 3 here, Episode 4 here and Episode 5 here.

If you want a non-spoiler guide to Loki, you can head on over here.

Courtesy of Disney+ Hotstar Malaysia, we were lucky enough to be the only Malaysian media to participate in a roundtable interview with Loki Costume Designer Christine Wada and Loki Production Designer Kasra Farahani.

This interview with Loki Production Designer Kasra Farahani has been edited for clarity.

Keep in mind that we’ll be discussing some elements from all five episodes of Loki so far, so there will be spoilers below:

Q: You’ve previously worked on Black Panther and other MCU movies. How different was the experience of working on a TV set instead of a movie’s? Were there limitations?

Yes, I’ve worked on several Marvel projects. For me, this is the most fun one, maybe because I’m in a different position than I was on the other ones. But also, just because this project is unique in a couple of ways.

Number one; it’s literally in its own timeline from the rest of the MCU. It’s separate from the stories we’ve all enjoyed and seen in the MCU so far. The other thing that this one has that’s really great is the amount of visual and narrative variety. We have this kind of base in the TVA that we spend a lot of time in but also we have all these exciting different places in the world that the story takes us to. These were great worlds to design and to imagine.

In our case, there was no difference. The thing about the Marvel series is that it’s pretty much like Marvel movies; in terms of their creative ambition, in terms of the way they’re scheduled, the fact that we have one director.

There was not much about it (Loki) that resembled an episodic project, except for the fact that it was six hours of content that we were trying to make, so it’s a very long project.

In terms of resources, I didn’t ever feel that we were unduly stretched. Always, when you get a creative brief like this, there’s always a period at the beginning of every project where you’re reconciling the creative brief and the resources that you have. That has been the case for every project that I’ve ever worked on regardless of the size. There’s this beginning phase where that’s the case and oftentimes, it’s in that process where you come up with some very great creative solutions that are a direct result of some of the limitations, actually.

Yeah, I wouldn’t say that we had some extraordinary limitations in this case (for Loki), but that’s generally true for all projects, in my experience.

Q: What were you inspired by when making designing the sets of the TVA with its retro-futuristic and anachronistic aesthetics?

In the source material, the TVA had a lot of different things going on, but one of the strong themes also was this armada of desks, which is kind of typical of a post-war era bureaucracy look. There was a grain of that in the source material but a lot of it also came from the show’s creator and writer, Michael Waldron, who described in the original document I read before interviewing for this job.

He described the TVA as a kind of mix of Mad Men meets Blade Runner. Part of these two strong visual references for us. On top of that, me and director Kate Herron, even before we met and spoken to each other, were inspired by Terry Gilliam’s Brazil also as a strong influence because of the anachronisms that that story had and also because of the clear presence of this strong monolithic bureaucracy, which is something that we have in the TVA also.

For the TVA, we were looking a lot at wanting to create a world that had a paradoxical feeling, being an imposing monolithic architectural space that has brutalist elements in them and had almost Soviet modernist elements to them. The colour palette and the materials and the whimsical patterning were much more like American style modernism.

The result was hopefully when you’re in an environment like this, you don’t know whether to feel terrified or invited. Hopefully, it creates that feeling in both the characters and the audience; this kind of cognitive dissonance in not knowing whether they can trust the TVA or not. That’s the narrative objective.

The writers came up with these ideas and the idea with that was to kind of create the bubble gum wrapper in the Renaissance era (Loki Episode 2) and the futuristic shovel in the early 20th-century farm field (Loki Episode 1). These ideas were placed there to create a trail of clues for the TVA to follow before they have clarity on Sylvie’s identity. But for the anachronisms generally, that was something we tried to do throughout the TVA to have all kinds of strange things from different timelines and different worlds popping up in terms of props, like the Infinity Stones in the mail cart and stuff like that.

Q: What was it like working with Tom Hiddleston, who is a producer on Loki?

It was very exciting to have this opportunity to take the character and his storyline in a different direction. It became all the more exciting when I read the scripts and I saw the type of journey they were going to take the character on.

Tom is a professor of Loki, basically. After all, ten years or so of playing the character; he knows it better than anybody and he has an in-depth understanding of the character and his backstory; the character’s family relationships and he was really helpful in giving a little talk to all the department heads about the background of his character, which was very informative.

Q: Recently, Loki series director Kate Herron said that 90 percent of production sets were physical. Does this include the world of The Void, and can you tell us more about how you brought it to life?

That’s true. That was what was unique about this show, because of my own design approach, and my goal in creating this large monolithic brutalist environment, I felt strongly that the sets needed to be built kinda wholly and that they needed to have the ceilings in-tact. This was also supported by Loki cinematographer Autumn, in that the way of her own style of photography is very wide and low-angled photography, which is why for both of our creative goals, it made a lot of sense to build these sets like completed and 360-degree environments.

For the TVA, that was almost always the case, with the exception of when you saw outside a window. With the Void (in Loki Episode 5), a lot of that was built practically as well. What I can tell you is that we build a large piece of this landscape on a soundstage, which was about 150 feet by 200 feet of undulating wilderness terrain. In that, we would bring in these different scenery elements on different days to make it feel like different places within the Void.

For example, one day there was the bus stop terrain where we meet Loki. One day it was the giant head. One day it was the drive-in movie theatre where we find Sylvie. All of these things were brought in and we shot there over the course of seven days. The terrain was designed in such a way that depending on what angle you shot, it felt like a very different place. Backgrounds were put in during post-production in visual effects. The Loki palace, where the Loki variants kind of hang out, the bowling alley, all of that was also a 360-degree built set as well.

Q: What was the most challenging set of the entire Loki series that you had to work on?

We had a lot of very ambitious sets but I think the city of Sharoo at the end of Loki Episode 3: Lamentis was a very technical set. The goal was to create this virtual one-in, that appears as a single shot. This was a very involved and elaborate process of choreography, basically.

All the different departments were involved to make this happen because as we watch the sequence, we see tons of actors running around, there are explosions happening, the camera’s panning up to see the planet above crumbling and asteroids pelting the surface.

There was a lot of planning that went through at the very beginning. We brought the paper models of this to Autumn, our cinematographer and creative director, to use to plan some of their shots. One day, we had some more information that fed back to the art department where we developed more involved and elaborate drawings and models which again, fed back to them. In this way, we had kind of an iterative conversation to arrive at what the design was.

So, as we start to build the set, many of the department heads came to visit and check the progress. We rehearsed what the shot was going to be, so we could exactly fine-tune the set to meet the needs of this shot and see where the edits needed to be. In order to do this, we needed to adjust the exact width of the roads or move a piece of scenery here and then figure out exactly, okay, there’s going to be an explosion coming out of the ground here and another explosion coming out of the building here and this is when the camera looks up to the sky and sees the planet explode. This is where the window breaks and this is where the guy jumps out and grabs him and there’s a fight.

There are many, many people involved; Monique Garderton, our stunt coordinator, Kate Herron, the director, and also the special effects team, and of course, visual effects, deeply involved, and Richard Graves, who is kind of our AD (Assistant Director), the circus leader of all of it, organizing everybody to kind of work on this thing altogether. It’s the sort of thing that involves so many different departments that it can only really be discovered when working in a big group together.

I would say that was maybe the most challenging technically because there were so many logistical parameters and so many moving parts.

Q: What are your thoughts on diversity in the production of the creative industry?

I think that it is critically important. As somebody who is myself an immigrant, I was born in Iran and my family moved here when I was quite young. I’m super happy to see the direction that the industry is going in. I think Marvel has been particularly excellent in providing leadership in this way and I honestly have to give a lot of credit to Kate Herron, our director.

Almost more than any other project I’ve been on, she prioritised inclusivity and diversity. I mean, lots of people, don’t get me wrong, it’s on every project and on everyone’s mind, but I think Kate went above and beyond because it’s so fundamental to her worldview and she’s such a sensitive soul in this way. One of the many ways in that it was such a joy to work with Kate and I’m very proud of the many different ethnicities we’re representing, and how many women we’ve had. In our art department, we had close to fifty men and women.

It’s important and leads to better creative results that are more fully realized and more representative of what the fans really want.

#Kasra Farahani #production design #Loki #interview

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walkerwords · 4 years

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“The Savior Sessions” Part 1 of 33 - Negan x GN!Reader

IMAGE CREDIT: Gene Page/AMC

SERIES MASTERLIST

Summary: This will be a collection of conversations set before the events of season 9 in which the reader speaks with Negan while in his cell as they recount events and memories from their time in the Apocalypse as well as stories of his own.

Word Count: 2417

Warning: None

Song I Wrote To: “Open Season” by Josef Salvat

Note: These are going to be smaller stories that I will be updating randomly. Each fic will be a conversation/situation about Negan in his cell in Alexandria. Some maybe very short, others not. I am still working on the other stories, but I wanted to post this as I work on those as well. Thank you for your kind words about my family, I really appreciate it.

------

“I just don’t know why you’re asking me to do this, Michonne.”

You stood across from Alexandria’s head of security in her kitchen. Michonne meticulously cleaned her Katana as you spoke, remaining calm the entire time. When she had asked you to meet her today, you never imagined this would be the reason.

“Gabriel is worried about his state of mind,” Michonne said, “He thinks somebody should be speaking with him on a regular basis.”

“Isn’t that already Gabriel’s job?” you asked. “He’s always the one who’s down there.” Michonne sighed, sliding the blade back into its sheath.

“He believes that he can no longer get through to him and that they’ve become too familiar with each other,” Michonne said, placing her sword down and bracing her hands against the kitchen counter, “I also think we can benefit from it and I suppose he can as well.” You frowned.

“You’re asking me to become Negan’s therapist,” you pointed out. “How is any of that beneficial?”

“Whether we like it or not, Negan did run an entire community unchallenged. He may have insight into this world that we don’t and I have started to think that perhaps keeping him so isolated isn’t doing anyone any good,” Michonne explained. “I am asking you because you don’t have a relationship with him. The two of you never interacted during the war and you made sure to stay out of his line of sight for most of it. You’re not a total stranger, but he doesn’t know you like he knows Gabriel, me, or even Aaron.”

“So, basically, you want someone he can’t push around by pushing their buttons,” you concluded and Michonne grimaced.

“You were also a teacher, (Y/N),” said Michonne, “that is something you two have in common. Maybe that will get him to open up or at least… God, I don’t know what I want the outcome to be, but Rick wanted Negan to be a symbol for how we can grow as a society. I don’t know if he can ever be redeemed, but if he can even a small amount, then it may start with you.”

“You pulled out your Rick card,” you said with a sigh, “not fair.” Michonne smiled with a shrug.

“I knew it would come in handy someday,” she said and you finally gave in.

“Okay, I will be the big bad wolf’s confidant, but if he tries anything or pisses me off to a degree that makes me want to commit murder, that’s on Gabriel,” you said with a wink and Michonne visibly relaxed.

“Thank you, (Y/N),” she said, relieved. “I’m going to let you run it the way you want to, but try not to piss him off if you can.” You smiled at her brightly.

“Oh, you know me, Michonne, something like that is inevitable.”

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When you arrived at the cell an hour later, you dismissed the guard who stood out front.

If you were going to be talking to Negan to gain insight and trust, you didn’t see the need for a chaperone. As the guard left, you pushed open the heavy door and sealed it behind you.

“Gabe, if you’re here to give me another life lesson, you can save it. I’m not in the mood,” Negan said in the darkness of his cell. You had never been this close to the man before. You had fought against the Saviors of course, but always at an outpost or in a larger fight. Rick had also used your talents with the sniper rifle and kept you up high most of the time. This whole situation was alien to you and while it was unnerving to be so near to a killer, you didn’t let that stop you from stepping out of the shadows.

“Then it’s a good thing I’m not Father Gabriel,” you said, dragging a chair from the wall and centering it before the jail cell. Negan, who had been laying on his bed with his back to the door, slowly sat up and turned towards you.

In the cool light of the room, you could see him clearly now. His hair was shorter than the last time you had seen him which was when Rick had dragged him into this cell about five years before. He still had the stubble on his face, but the cocky grin that you had gotten used to seeing through your scope was nowhere to be seen.

“Have we met?” he asked, tilting his head in curiosity. You shifted slightly in your seat, trying to get comfortable.

“Not officially,” you told him. “I’m (Y/N).” Recognition dawned on his face then.

“Yes,” he said, sitting forward on the edge of his cot, “Little Miss Grimes has mentioned you before.” It wasn’t news to you that he spoke to Judith. Most people knew that she visited Negan often. The only person who probably didn’t know was Michonne. Judith had confided in you that she wasn’t scared of the man and that all she wanted was for him to know he wasn’t some kind of wild animal. You now started to realize that her reasoning was exactly why you were here. “So what can I do for you, (Y/N)?”

“I’ve been sent by the overlords of Alexandria to be your new best friend,” you explained, crossing one leg over the other.

“Is that right?” he asked, leaning forward. “Gabe get too bored with little ole me?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t ask,” you told him, “but I am here as a favor for Michonne so how about we just accept the new normal?” Negan bowed his head slightly.

“Well then, what exactly do the big shots upstairs want us to do? Compare breakup stories? Organize a block party?”

“I see you haven’t lost your wit,” you pointed out, leaning back in your chair.

“We all have our things, (Y/N),” he said, “I am curious, though,” he went on, “where were you when your people were trying to kill all of mine?”

“Usually on a rooftop,” you explained, “Grimes always had me up high with the guns.” Negan seemed genuinely thrilled by the thought of that.

“And you never got me in your cross-hairs and took a shot? Damn, that is incredibly terrifying.”

“I was never ordered to,” you told him. “I was more surveillance than an assassin.”

“Either way, my men never saw you watchin’ me,” he said and it sounded like a compliment. The way Negan was looking at you reminded you of kids staring at a lion in a zoo. Ironic seeing how he was the one in the cage and not you. Every glance was out of curiosity and you thought you noticed a bit of gratitude in his eyes. Perhaps Michonne and Gabriel were right after all. The man just needed someone to talk to.

“Okay, how about this?” you said, after a moment of silence. He waited for you to continue. “You and I are just gonna talk. You can ask me anything you want and I’ll answer and hopefully, you will return the favor when I want to .” Negan raised a single brow.

“It’s that simple?” he asked.

“Do you want it to be difficult?” you asked. “I think I could add some really brash and annoying terms to the arrangement if you want."

"You are a very strange person," Negan said.

"I'm going to take that as a compliment."

"As you should," Negan said with a cheeky grin. "However, I am curious about one thing. Don't you hate me?" You mulled over his words for a few seconds before shaking your head.

"Hate, it has caused a lot of problems in this world, but has not solved one yet," you quoted easily. Negan's eyes lit up.

"Morrison?"

"Angelou," you corrected.

"Ah," he said. "Wise woman. So what you're saying is that hating me isn't going to solve anything, am I right?"

"Pretty much," you agreed, crossing your arms.

"But I killed your people," he reminded you. Negan was clearly trying to put you off, but you had expected this.

"And I killed your people," you said. "Do you hate me?" Negan scoffed, leaning back on his hands as he watched you through the bars.

"You're good," he complimented.

"You didn't answer my question," you said. Negan licked his lips before shaking his head.

"No, I don't hate you. Although, I don't even know you so that could change." This time you let out a quick laugh that was pure instinct at this point.

"Fair enough," you conceded.

"Alright, (Y/N), if you are so inclined to answer questions, answer me this: how did you end up with this merry bunch of survivors?"

"Simple," you said, "I saved Carl Grimes from a Walker." Negan's face dropped at the mention of the late teenager. You knew about the soft spot Negan had for Carl. It wasn't a mystery, hell, Carl wouldn't have lived long after he attacked the Sanctuary if Negan didn't like him.

"You saved him?" Negan asked, pulling you from your memories.

"Yeah, I met Carl and his mom, Lori, shortly after everything happened," you began, "They, alongside other survivors, were camped at a quarry outside of Atlanta. I was on my own, trying to make it to the coast when I came across their campsite. I was wary of people, of course, but I knew I wouldn't make it far on my own. I stayed around the edge of camp for a while, just gettin' a feel for the people when Carl ran off when Lori wasn't looking. He was running around with another kid from the group." You paused, unsure if you should divulge much more, but Negan was staying entirely focused on your story.

"Carl was with Sophia...Carol's late daughter." Slight surprise entered Negan's eyes, but he remained quiet. You went on, "The two of them got turned around and then Carl being Carl, decided to run off alone without Sophia. He was near me when the Walker came out of the trees and grabbed him. I didn't really think at that moment. I just ran for the kid. I shot the Walker in the head and the next thing I know, I had a crossbow pointed at my back."

"Let me guess, Daryl?" Negan figured.

"Damn right. Son of a bitch thought I was shooting at the kid, but luckily Carl spoke up and explained. They took me back to their camp and Lori insisted I stay so that's what I did."

"And here you are," Negan said, impressed.

"Here I am."

"That kid was pretty damn special," Negan said fondly. "This world really does take the good ones, don't it?"

"I always think that it would have been easier if a person had killed him instead of a Walker, you know? At least then we would have an enemy."

"What, you don't think the Walkers are the enemy?"

"They're just a part of the new world," you explained. "Can't really call them an enemy if they didn't intend to be here in the first place."

Negan was quiet again as your words sank in. In fact, you were surprised that he hadn't spoken over you whenever he got the chance. According to the rest of your friends and family, the man loved to hear himself talk. You stored that new observation away for later.

"In your opinion," Negan said slowly, "what kind of person classifies as an enemy, or rather, just evil?"

"I've seen darkness, Negan," you told him. "We all have and it was before we even heard your name. If you're trying to ask me if I think you’re evil, the answer is no, I don't. Most of us here like myself, Daryl, Michonne, we've all seen what happens when someone has lost all trace of humanity. Seen what they do to other human beings and trust me, those are the evil people of this screwed-up world. You haven't lost your humanity, Negan, and I pray you never will."

Negan leaned his forearms onto his knees, rubbing a calloused hand over his bearded face. Something had clicked inside his head, that much was apparent, but you weren't sure what.

Yet.

"Sounds like you've been through hell," Negan whispered.

"And back," you finished. "Multiple times."

"You gonna tell me that story? About the loss of humanity?" His question wasn't overly eager, instead, it was all curiosity and you were starting to think that was the main characteristic of the man who once called himself the "big bad wolf".

"One day," you nodded. "If you'll let me come back again."

"I get to decide?" he asked, intrigued.

"Yeah, no point in coming down here if you won't talk to me. That would be wasting both of our time."

"Then by all means, (Y/N), feel free to drop by," Negan said, spreading his arms wide in a welcome gesture. You rolled your eyes but nodded.

"If it means anything," you said as you stood from your seat and turned towards the door, "Carl once told me that you were the only person he always trusted to tell him the truth, and coming from him, that's a lot."

Negan looked at you for a long moment before bowing his head. "Thanks for that," he said softly. You gave him a small smile, one more out of understanding than anything. Whether people hated him or not, nobody could deny that he cared about Carl Grimes and that the teen's death had affected him as well.

"I'll see you tomorrow," you told him as you pushed open the heavy door and stepped into the sunlight. Negan didn't call you back as you climbed the steps and began walking home.

You watched as Alexandria spun on, unaware of the emotions that ran deep through you at the moment. Gabriel and Michonne had been right, after all, Negan needed to talk to another human being, but perhaps that was exactly what you needed as well and you had a feeling this was just the beginning of an odd relationship.

TAGS: @thanossexual

#the walking dead #twd imagines #twd imagine #negan imagine #negan #negan x reader #reader insert #daryl dixon x reader #y/n #negan x y/n #the walking dead imagine #TWD fanfiction #the walking dead fanfiction #walkerwords

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shijiujun · 4 years

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[SPOILERS KIND OF] TLTR2 - Thoughts on the last 10 episodes + EVERYTHING

Ahhhhh the found family trope gets me every single damn time!!! Honestly Zhu Yilong’s TLTR is the best I’ve seen!

Okay first things first, TLTR as a whole was EXCELLENT in terms of characters, script, twists, SETS (wow damn TLTR creeps me out episode after episode) and the whole premise seems a little far-fetched but actually melds together really well. Pacing could be slightly better (HAHAHAHA like Wu Xie was stuck in Warehouse 11 on his own like FOREVER in the first half) but they remedied that with S2, the pacing was spot on and I was literally jumping on my feet EVERY WEEK. Reunions? Check. Xiao Ge badass catwalk from the shadows every time Wu Xie is in danger? Check. TEAM BONDING WITH LIU SANG WHUMP?! CHECK. HAPPY ENDING?!!! CHECK (could have done with an alive Jia Ke Zi to be honest, but we’ll take what we can get).

And one thing TLTR does really, really well is like touching, reminiscing scenes? Even with Er Jing?!!! And of course everytime Pang Zi and everyone else thinks Wu Xie is dying, and when Wu Xie himself thinks he’s literally going to die the next moment, wow the script is amazing?!!! I cried (okay but I admit that I cry really easily) soooo many times?!

On Er Jing - The Mole

The moment when Wu Xie recalls Er Jing saving him when he was younger, and how much he trusted Er Jing, and I do feel so sad for both Er Jing and Wu Xie? Like I don’t believe each moment for Er Jing was spent like scheming and tbf he’s not that good of a schemer, ISTG his greed and glee shows up EVERY SINGLE TIME the second he steps into warehouse 11 and Pang Zi is right, “It’s so obvious it’s Er Jing please.” Wu Xie says it as well - if Er Jing truly was a scheming little bij, he would have been seen throughout the 20 years?! So Er Jing perhaps through the years, did think about Er Shu and Wu Xie as his family, I do believe that. It’s just sad af that he chose treasure that he never saw over riches with Er Shu ya know?!

Not sure if Er Jing and his band of crazy friends are dead or alive? Seems at the last episode Wu Xie asked to send doctors down to treat them, but I guess...

On Liu Sang

In the book apparently Er Jing isn’t the mole but Liu Sang (in a different setting, not the same situation if I recall correctly), but San Shu admits that he was drunk or smth when he was writing the ending and Liu Sang and Xiao Bai ‘disappeared’ LOLOL but San Shu has been supportive always in Liu Sang’s character, so I am soooooo glad my Liu Sang BB is pure, innocent, sometimes scheming, always whump?!! AHHHHH LIU SANG!!!!!

Liu Chang as Liu Sang is fricking amazing damn I LOVE HIS LOOK? Honestly, Liu Chang is my new obsession, I love this man. I really, really do. I love his hair, I love him with glasses, anything tbh.

And he’s so protective of Xiao Bai?!!! LIKE LEGIT GENTLEMAN?!!! The first time when he tried to save Xiao Bai from Boss Jiao’s people in the cave, and then in the last ep, when the black thingys came flying over, he shielded her with his coat?!!! Not that it would have made a difference but damn, my pure, competent bb Liu Sang.

Also Liu Sang still DOES NOT GET HIS HUG FROM XIAO GE ISTG?!!! XIAO GE HUGS EVERYONE BUT HIM. DAMN. I REST MY CASE.

On IRON TRIANGLE + 4th sister Xiao Bai

Wu Xie is amazing. ZYL is damn frickin amazing too, and Chen Minghao as Pang Zi IS GOLD. HE’S SO DRAMATIC ASS?!!! And young Huang Junjie as Xiao Ge, damn. This is the best trio I’ve ever seen. This is the best trio you need. All the brotherhood shit, all the meaningful stares between Xiao Ge and Wu Xie, COME ON!!!!

And also Pang Zi taking care of Xiao Mei?!!! And Xiao Mei calling him dad?!!! I love it. AHAHAHAHA

Xiao Bai, I don’t even know where to begin. I think it’s cute, her and Wu Xie, and when Wu Xie called her and she didn’t pick up and in the last ep when Xiao Bai left him behind to run towards Pang Zi and the rest and Wu Xie’s AFFRONTED LOOK, I think he’s fond of her somewhat too. Although to what degree, in what sense, well... I just think it’s cute (ALSO DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT MAO XIAOTONG WHO PLAYS XIAO BAI IS THE SAME AGE AS ZHU YILONG?!!! LET THAT FARKING SINK IN. THEY ARE BOTH 32 YEARS OLD OKAY?!!)

Hei Yang Jing, Huo Dao Fu, Li Jia Le, Kan Jian, Xiao Hua

AHAHAHAHA I just wanna laugh at these few - LJL especially was so mean in Warehouse 11 but the moment S2 starts he’s just a cute, clumsy bun bun who keeps getting KO-ed, glad he’s alive tho!!! Kan Jian too, so skinny and crying all the damn time, who loves his boss so much, he’s the cutest. I see a lot of fics shipping Kan Jian and Liu Sang, and tbh, in S1 I did see it quite a bit.

Hei Yan Jing and Chu Chu is frickin alive?!! Damn Xiao Hua, I knew you would have done something. Honestly, if you have so much damn money, and you let Chu Chu go without a fight after warning her that you take HYJ’s request to keep her safe seriously?!!! DAMN THE REVEAL IN THE LAST EP. Hope they meet. Baron Chen is... gosh, I love this man. Also Baron Chen and Huang Junjie were in The Pillow Book tgt and oooooof I love it I love it.

And all of you know just how much I love YOUTIAO DOC?!!! He was such a major side character in the second half of like S2 and I am all for it. His sass, his eye rolls, the way he takes care of Wu Xie and does things for him even tho he grumbles about it?!!! Damn. I need a friend like that.

On Er Shu

Honestly Er Shu was the mastermind in the novel? If I recall, it was his plan basically to get Wu Xie to go to Thunder City to get himself cured, because Wu Xie would not have done it otherwise. In fact, everyone except Wu Xie knew it was Er Shu’s plan to get him to go and that he schemed it all?!!

And when the reveal happened, everyone was like “yeah we knew it was him and that we’re all part of his plan but we didn’t say anything” because no one knew which roles they were playing in Er Shu’s plan?! And then yeah Liu Sang turned out to be a mole but I didn’t manage to see why, but he was kind of a morally ambivalent character? And Wu Xie in the novel at one point said that he believes in the kind of person Liu Sang is and that he’s not all that bad after the reveal, so... anyway, ER SHU WAS MEANT TO BE MORE BADASS THAN THIS?!!!

I’m so sad he was really paralysed ;-; I legit thought when he stood up in Ep 29 it was really him and I freaked out but it was HYJ CRIESSSS

Overall this was definitely a drama of friendship? Forged over creepy tombs that were a mix of Frankenstein, The Mummy Returns, Aliens vs Predator and Indiana Jones?!!! FRIENDSHIP!!!! At the end of it all, Wu Xie found so many new friends that are definitely going to come running the next time they have to find another tomb?

Like I was sad Liu Sang didn’t turn up in the last scene but he’s alive thank god, and you can imagine that the next time they need help, Liu Sang will roll his eyes but turn up?!!! And LJL also maybe?! And HDF, everyone!!!!

One thing I wanna know is what the hell is going to happen to the Wu family business?!!! Wu Xie looks like he not going to deal with the power shit, argh IDK he’s back to hobo-ing with his bros which I guess is best life.

EVERYTHING WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT IF ER JING WASN’T A MOLE ARGH I’M SO MAD. AND IF JIA KE ZI DIDN’T DIE?!!

I’D WATCH THIS WHOLE DAMN THING AGAIN. 10/10 FOR BROMANCE, FRIENDSHIP, FAMILY AND CREEPY ASS TOMBS.

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taekooktimeline · 4 years

Text

Ask

Kayla will focus more on the latest VCR’s while Sara will do so on the one where TK appear under a blue light.

Kayla: Hello! 💜I miss questions like this🥺thank you so much for submitting it, and that means a lot that you appreciate hearing our interpretation of things💜I loved this question so much🥰

Before I start, as always, please keep in mind this is simply my interpretation of things! ☺️

I agree both VCRs seem to heavily hint to deeper things with taekook. Let’s start with Jungkook’s “my time”. He has said consistently this song is about his lost childhood and growing up in the spotlight. However, I do personally think there’s a secondary meaning. I understand some are sensitive to analyzing songs, and no not every song in a member’s solo discography is directed to his lover, but here’s what made me pause - the chorus - “I can’t call ya/hol’ ya” and then, at the end, it changes to “I will call ya/I will hol’ ya”. It fits his struggles in the spotlight - the inability to reach out due to multiple difficulties (busy schedule, saesangs, etc) and eventually he is able to reach out, call, touch. In this instance, the chorus could be considered towards relationships, like a special someone. I don’t normally like Quora, but Helen Xu, an interactor on the site, is very insightful and has said something I agree with. She directly answered a question about “my time”. Below are snippets but I highly encourage reading the entirety of her answer here - https://www.quora.com/Do-you-think-My-Time-by-BTS-Jungkook-is-about-himself-I-respect-and-trust-BTS-what-they-say-but-I-can-t-help-but-feel-that-this-song-is-for-his-significant-other-I-really-hope-so-tho-because-I-love-that-for-him-but

Keeping in mind this, we can examine the VCR a little more closely. Jk looks at a lot of clocks on the walls.

But only a handful are singled out and on a nightstand close by him. For me, this indicates great importance to these specific clocks.

One I am still working on figuring out is the one to the far left of Jk, right behind the phone. I can’t determine if it says 3:09 or 3:10. If it says 3:09… that’s very interesting, as it’s Yoongi’s birthday. Keep in mind, Yoongi wrote letters to only taekook in 2018 that, in Tae’s own words, made him cry for 10 mins. The members joked Jk’s letter must be a “copy paste” of Tae’s, meaning the same letter:

Jk singled out both Tae’s character, Tata, and Yoongi’s character, Shooky, to be the ones supporting Cooky directly in the ring for his 2020 B21 skit.

If the clock truly says 3:09, this is the second time Jk has directly singled out Yoongi in 2020, as well as Tae when factoring the other clock. Disclaimer - Please note this part is shaky since I can’t determine the time enough to feel confident.

But what we can deduce - as a lot noticed, 2 of the 3 clocks next to Jk show his birthday, 9/1 - 9:01, and Tae’s 12/30 - 12:30.

The fact these are singled out from the other clocks and are closest to Jk imply to me great importance to him. He picks up the third clock closest to him.

This one has the time - zero o’clock. He holds it up and smiles at it, as if he’s embracing the new time.

Zero o’clock is about starting a new day and forgetting what troubles you. For me …factoring in the two clocks being placed in a prominent position (denoting Tae’s and Jk’s birthdays) + Jk then performs “my time” right after + my suspicions that align with Helen Xu, that the song has a secondary (hidden) meaning …for me, this indicates Jk has found his time. His time has come, he’s ready/at peace and he’s welcoming it. He’s leaving his former struggles behind and will live more freely, less restricted.

The other part of the VCR was very interesting. Only Taekook paint their faces in black. I spoke to a few different people, who were firm that painting oneself with black indicated stigma, sin, being different, in their culture. It can also be viewed as their shadow, as BTS have discussed this extensively. Tae covers his eye while Jk covers his mouth. This reminded me of “see no evil, hear no evil” in the sense their differences/“sins” are not seen or spoken about by society. Society chooses to ignore what they’ve tried to show and say.

Jk paints his mouth black while Tae paints his eye.

After, both smirk.

For me, this indicates they’re embracing their shadow/difference. They are not bothered any further by society closing their eyes and mouths to their stigma. They have come to terms with it. They will no longer hide in their shadows/darkness.

They also showed the shadow closing on Tae (going backwards, reverse effect, not fully closing since the door still opens for him) and the light opening on Jk - parallels of each other, and again, they are the only two with this symbolism.

What I find very interesting out of all of this is how taekook are singled out as different from the group. There is a reoccurring pattern. We saw it at MAMA 2019. Both were in blue light then, based on standing order, both were in black. (As a side note - i couldn’t find a capture that encompassed Jin in the below blue/red light):

The others are in white while Taekook are black, still hidden, in their shadow.

We then saw them be singled out as different again in the On MV. Both were the only ones that had thorns, Tae’s on his neck and Jk’s around his wrist.

Thorns also can be symbolic of sin, just like the black paint in the VCR:

Jk even says he was cast out of society for being different.

My personal thinking which isn't necessarily applicable to the VCRs and heavy hinting: a taekook subunit is coming by the end of the year. We’ve said this consistently since about the spring, as noted in the main timeline, based on the first few vlives, some festa promo shoots and the order of the festa board.

There have been some other, more recent, indicators, but this has been my consistent stance - 1) Taekook 2) Yoonmin + Jin 3) Hobi and Joon. We’ll see! I know some have a differentiating opinion on this based on the BTS YT live with two subunits, not three + photo cards but my stance remains the same from spring. And if you disagree it’s ok! It’s only theory- it can be wrong or right. In asks I feel safer theorizing more freely since we don’t have to place as much importance on being “right”. Either way, even if I’m incorrect on the other subunit pairings, I still think Taekook will be a unit.

BH is working to normalize - to some degree - TK after years of restricting on camera interactions. Part of normalizing, for some, will be a subunit. I feel strongly it’ll happen for that reason. Whether it’s on a BTS album, or KTH1 or JJK1, I’m not sure. But I think by December or, at the latest January, the subunit will happen on one of those three (if it doesn’t happen in November for BE).

But I want to make it clear … I don’t think singling out Taekook from the group is solely for their subunit. Whether the subunit is on the BTS album or a mixtape, I feel very strongly we are getting one. But the reoccurring pattern of showing them as different from the other five members, with symbolisms of shadow/stigma/sin (and now embracing that)... to me indicates something even bigger is possibly brewing. I’ve got a lot of mixed thoughts I’m sorting through regarding the company’s stance right now so some of that conflicts and I just need to see in time where things go.

Please remember this is merely MY opinion / theory on this topic, which is subjective and open to individual interpretation. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong :) theory is theory for a reason and I know some disagree on the subunit part (so please don’t flood the asks with stances - I know this is a varied opinion💜😅). All we can do is wait.

——————————

Sara: I´ve never paid too much thought to concert VCR´s because I wasn't sure if they had enough substance...but now as I pondered I'm quite excited to share my findings. We all know Taekook were the only ones to have a blue light casted over them right? Well, this is extremely important and I’ll tell you why.

BTS have made references to the blue & red pill dilemma from matrix on multiple occasions, the first time that I recall being in their MV for “N.O.” where they take the red pill & fight the system.

In sum, if you take the red pill you face the harsh reality while if you take the blue pill you stay in a dream-like illusion, a fake and perfect one. In the music video for “Shadow” you can see Suga singing on top of the scenario covered in blue light while everyone filmed him. This is his persona. The persona, for psychiatrist Carl Jung, was the social face the individual presented to the world—"a kind of mask, designed on the one hand to make a definite impression upon others, and on the other to conceal the true nature of the individual" = an illusion = blue pill.

Afterwards, his shadow that was hidden among the crowd takes over and everything turns red as he faces his true hidden self = harsh reality = red pill.

What is the shadow? In short, the shadow is the unknown side. The shadow represents all the personal traits we have ignored, denied, or cut off from ourselves. Because one tends to reject or remain ignorant of the least desirable aspects of one's personality, the shadow is largely negative. There are, however, positive aspects that may also remain hidden in one's shadow (especially in people with low self-esteem, anxieties, and false beliefs). Being LGBTQ would fit into this last case as it’s not negative in nature. Jung’s concept is that the aim of one’s life, psychologically speaking, should be not to suppress or repress, but to come to know one’s other side, and so both to enjoy and to control the whole range of one’s capacities; i.e., in the full sense, to “know oneself.” That process is called “individuation” and a necessary step is to become aware of the shadow and integrate it’s hidden aspects into the consciousness.

At first the blinking blue light suffocates Tae who can be seen suffering, running around and hugging himself. Something in his interior wants to be set free.

At the end of the VCR Tae is finally standing calmly as he faces his truth, accepting it (red) -

That’s what Sinclair does in the book “Demian” that BTS based their series “Wings” on. He recounts his experiences with the two realms, two worlds of which he was aware at the time—one of darkness, and one of light, one of day and one of night. The realm of day was everything "good", straight, and Christian. The realm of night was the world of scandal and mystery, drunkenness and murder, deceit and illegal activity. The realm of light was the world of Sinclair's parents and sisters. Though living in the realm of light, he was curious about and attracted to the realm of darkness. He was tempted by Demian, who acted like an inner voice leading him to self-discovery and individuation. In the Below pic the black ink represents temptation and “sin”. Jk takes it to his mouth (in this 2016’s trailer for the Wings tour, other members use different symbolism like sinful apples, blindfolds, curtains, etc).

Jk takes a taste of this world of darkness in BS&T. The world of the previously unknown and denied shadows.

Dialogue from “Demian” that played in this scene from BS&T: “He too was a tempter. The evil world with which I no longer wanted to have anything to do”. The balloon is let go which represents lost innocence - surroundings covered in red.

As I said, the shadow is not always inherently negative, but it’s always perceived as such by either society, the individual, or both. The intro for “Wings” was “Boy Meets Evil”. When the lyrics give into the temptation the walls are painted red.

When performing this song in MAMA 2016 we can see the two realms on opposite sides. When we mix them we get a purple color representing the whole, the dichotomy of human nature (which tormented Sinclair until he accepted himself).

What are they trying to convey with this picture below?

Well, other members are letting their shadows be seen, but Taekook are showing us their carefully drafted public persona, hiding their truth. All of them do this to some extent, but this image implies Taekook’s real self drastically contrasts with the illusion that they create by wearing their masks. They have to conceal more than the rest, even if they already accepted themselves. What you see is a pretty lie = blue. They only show us their “good” side. Just like “Fake Love’s” lyrics (a song directed to army): “Mold a pretty lie for you”, “Try to erase myself and make me your doll”. Also, In Singularity Tae sings about silencing his voice and trapping himself into a frozen BLUE lake.

He wears a mask. The red part of his head (shadow, hidden truth) has an earring that reads “loved”. Forbidden, secret love?

Yoongi recently talked about this topic while In The Soop. He said that he talked with Bang pd nim and that, if someone has to do it (for a greater good), he himself would choose the red pill. He would sacrifice. The matrix is an ongoing theme.

About the latest VCR’s where TK have black paint, I basically agree with Kayla. They were introducing the shadow-themed section of the concert so every member was portraying the shadow in different ways but it’s definitely interesting that Taekook represented the shadow with the exact same symbolism put back to back - arguably the most visually impactful out of them - placed near the end of the VCR as it reaches it’s peak in intensity before slowly falling into quietness again. Taekook share a common aspect of themselves that is considered negative and carries a stigma and therefore - as their blue public colors indicate - is part of their red hidden shadow. They really highlighted Taekook’s scenes, so it indicates their shadow is of greater significance. It’s a bigger deal. As mentioned earlier, the black ink is related to sin.

Now JK’s VCR that introduced his song. “My time” by Jk is certainly about his crazy life while growing up in the spotlight. It’s not only about his lost childhood, but also about a “limited love”, losing the capacity to love freely during his teens and beyond. The chorus - the part of the song that delivers the main message - sings about a relationship with many physical limitations. The chosen words are pretty romantic: hold, touch, etc (discard fans as it’s a personal song). Since we talk about the spotlight, it can be understood that they can’t do those things while having eyes on them. He says “happy that we met each other” so it’s not about his family. He’s waiting for “the time” they’ll be able to love freely which he has promised will come (“I will hold ya and you know”). If we take the previous VCR’s into account it’s quite suspicious that Taekook’s clocks are placed right next to each other in the most important spot angle-wise. It does seem like a connection between Jk’s song and Taekook.

What does all this ultimately mean? What’s the purpose of showing these hints? Well, not sure. Could be related to them coming out in the future and finding their time to live their lives as a couple without pretending, taking off their masks and revealing their truth. For the time being a TK subunit would be neat though :P

#discussions #taekook #taekooktimeline #theories #vcrs

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misrihalek · 3 years

Text

This is for one person in particular. Well, maybe two people.

...I wasn’t good for you, was I?

You found me at a pretty low point of my life, I’ve said that before. I was trying to do what the world told me, trying to be a good little boy, get that job, earn my place in the world and...I failed. I was lying on a bed in a house in the suburbs, flatmates fighting in the ungodly hours of the morning, desperately trying to escape from the world. That was how you found me and for some reason you saw something worth a damn.

And then I proceeded to bleed you dry. I didn’t know how to get myself out of my hole and so I just started dragging you down with me, using you as just another means of escape and demanding so much of you...far too much. How many times did you lament that your love wasn’t enough to help me stand on my own two feet? How many times did you think that you were inferior because of it? Did I make you hate yourself because of my failures?

That’s not to say that it was all bad: we wouldn’t have lasted as long as we did if we didn’t click on some level, after all. The talks we had, the things we shared between us...it would be disrespectful to say that they meant nothing: maybe their value to us makes this whole thing worse in retrospect, who knows. What I do know is that, even if only ashes remain now, you were the best friend I ever had: you were kind, funny and passionate and your presence in this world stood in defiance of the forces that sought to bring you low. You fought for your right to exist, so maybe it makes sense that you waited for so long for me to do the same. I’m sorry I let you down.

That’s the crux of the matter, isn’t it: why didn’t I leave that hole that I found myself in? I can blame outside forces (and I often did), but the fact of the matter is that I just didn’t know how. I didn’t know how to be the person that the world demanded of me and no-one seemed to be able to tell me, so somewhere along the way I just grew comfortable in that wretched hole, at home in my misery. I started pantomiming my own life, living as if death would never come and not really living in the process, and it was this awful piece of theatre that you ended up being an unwilling part of: despairing about the future that I couldn’t see and slowly wearing yourself away. I imagine the tipping point came after those three weeks together ended and you saw how little things had changed.

Those three weeks...before long it will have been two years since that trip to see you and it’s...weird to think about. I know that time has lost a bit of its meaning since then, but even then it’s hard to believe that it was really that long ago. I still remember the elevator up to your apartment, walking to the tramlines and going to that one tea shop - and you bet your ass I remember that hike uphill to the castle. The emotions have faded over time, but I have no qualms in saying that those were quite literally the best days of my life: I know that the word “literally” has kinda lost its meaning in this day and age, but I can confidently say that no experience before or since has compared. So why didn’t it change anything? Why did I go right back into my hole when I got back?

I don’t think either of us knew at the time, but come a few months later it didn’t matter all that much anyway. You found someone else and left and, now that I look back, I really can’t blame you for trying to find a less bleak fate than what was in store for you. I remember you saying to me how scared you were of a future where you had to support the both of us: why wouldn’t you be? I had demonstrated no ability to be a functioning human being and I would have inevitably become a burden...well, more of a burden. What kind of future is that, for either of us? And so you left to find a brighter one.

It was ugly and painful and I have no doubt that it still hurts you, just like it does me. For a decent amount of time I was blinded by my own pain and I said things that I can no longer stand by in good conscience: I blamed you for how things had gone and eventually cut you out of my life so I could best deal with my wrenching sorrow. To some degree that action has proved successful: being able to live without having reminders of my failures at the forefront of my mind has let me claw back pieces of myself and move forward with my life, even if it has taken some time. I cannot however defend the reasons why I did it though, born as they were from an inability to reflect on my own deficiencies.

It turns out that there might’ve been a reason for that inability, actually. You remember me talking about my Asperger’s Syndrome diagnosis? It was something that I got told about as I was growing up and it was basically conveyed to me as a low-strength form of autism, something fairly surmountable in comparison to the more traditional forms. Last year though, I found media that suggested that Asperger’s Syndrome was a less-than-credible condition from a doctor that quite literally collaborated with Nazis and further research revealed that the term was no longer in official use. I talked to my mother about this and she casually dropped into conversation that I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.

ADHD! So many goddamn things clicked into place once she said that and I imagine that the same might be happening for you right now. No wonder I had so much difficulty functioning in that job, how infuriating it was to focus on things, how I would sally forth into different trains of thought mid-conversation. My mother’s general mistrust of the medical system also meant that I’d been dealing with these things all my life without any sort of medication, the usual way that other people with ADHD make themselves co-operate with the strictures of society. No wonder things went to fucking pieces the moment I stepped into the real world.

I’ve had to do some serious thinking since then, not least of all about my future. I tried to keep on the jobsearching grind for a while after that bombshell dropped, but after months of no luck I snapped and decided to take an alternate route, one that I couldn’t consider while we were together. Since then I’ve moved away from home and I’m studying to maybe one day be a social worker: to one day have the tools to help people like me, people stuck in their own holes and unable to get out without the helping hand of someone who understands what they’re going though. No doubt you’d say that you’re happy for me and I don’t doubt that statement: you’re a better person that I was and even through all this you’ve wished no ill towards me. You’re a good person like that.

These days I’m doing decently okay: I’m living with 3 flatmates who I get along with pretty well and my studies are progressing as they should. I’m trying to write a bit more as well, although about the only thing I’ve done lately of any tangibility has been...well, this. Even with the progress I’ve made, what happened between us still bobs to the surface from time to time and I have to process things all over again: it gets easier as time marches onwards, but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy. That probably explains why I reacted so violently to the message you sent me, among other things.

What I said there was true: I can’t face you while things are the way they are. I’m not strong enough to watch you be happy with someone else, because it’s a reminder that I can no longer elicit that same joy from you: a reminder that our time has passed because of my failures. It’s knowledge that hollows me out from the inside. I tried to be strong - tried to ignore that hollowing out and remain friends - and failed over and over, coming close enough to nothingness to feel it encroaching on my soul, so now I put up my walls to protect it.

I need to be okay. And I can’t do that with you around. It’s an awful thing to say and you don’t deserve it, but it’s the truth. Once more you suffer for my deficiencies as a human being.

I’m sorry that I couldn’t be the person that you needed: I guess the deck was kinda stacked against us from the beginning, considering what I didn’t know about myself and, y’know, the whole long-distance thing, so don’t go thinking that any of this was your fault. You remain one of the best people I have ever met and I am eternally grateful for the time we shared together: do not doubt that you are worthy of love, even in your lowest moments. You’re a damn good human being and you deserve to have good things happen to you, better things than me.

I imagine you’re expecting me to say this, but oh well: I’d prefer it if you don’t send me a response to what I have written here. Beyond just safeguarding my own wellbeing, I’ve been meaning to write this for a long time now and what you see is pretty much every single thing that I can conceivably say in regards to all that has transpired between us. I don’t really have anything else to say and after this I will hopefully not think about this so much anymore and get on with my life. I would implore you to do the same.

I wish you all the best.

...

...there’s a small piece of me that doubles back on what I’ve written here, seeing if it can instill its will within the paragraphs wherein it can wend its way to you. It’s the piece of me that still loves you, that holds out hope that I may one day see you again and that we can rediscover what was lost. It tells me to leave my heart open to the opportunity, to hope against hope that things change. This last paragraph is my concession to it in the vain hope that it’ll finally fucking shut up.

#...

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hot-mess-choices · 4 years

Text

Fixing The Nanny Affair

I’ve had it with this book. I’m not against “naughty” romance novels, but please do them right. I beg you.

This stuff has been in my brain for a while now so this will be long and messy.

First up: this isn’t a single LI book anymore. That’s a train wreck of a concept for an app that’s basically an overpriced choose-your-own-adventure book.

Who would the LIs be?

Starting with the obvious: Sam, who will remain gender customisable as the “main LI”

Next is Robin (duh) I’m on the fence regarding their gender but I’d stick with the “whatever gender Sam is” thing.

Then I’d suggest two entirely new characters:

First addition: An intern at Dalton Enterprise (how this is relevant will follow later on), I’d prefer this character to be female (definitely not to make an all wlw book possible *cough*) but a male intern would also be okay I guess. (Alternatively whichever gender is opposite of the MC)

And 2. *drumroll please* Sam’s wife who’s not dead at all in this new and improved version. ‘Cause that’s how you write about an actual affair Pixleberry, you cowards! I’m so sick of authors using the dead spouse trope without doing anything with it. She deserves to be in this story. However she’d be a “surprise” late entry as it’s important to the story to build tensions.

Who’s the MC

The MC, gender customisable of course, is still a recent graduate with a degree in chemistry and a passion for science. They do not, however, go to Dalton Enterprise to get a Job as a Nanny, no, they are on their way to interview for an illustrious internship!

The Story

The story starts of the same. MC has a sexy dream about their (hopefully) new boss, however you get dialogue options to feel very weirded out by that. Not only is that your future boss, they are also happily married as the gossip magazine you browsed the night before suggests. Sam and their wife are a business power couple (think the Beckhams or BrAngelina rip) and get an insane amount of media coverage.

It comes to MCs attention that they’ve overslept and rush to Dalton Enterprise. A receptionist tell them that they are too late and the position is already taken. Enter Sam and Intern LI who worships the ground Sam walks on and thanks them profoundly for this once in a lifetime opportunity. Sam notices MC and asks if they are the no show, Intern LI takes a light jab at their tardiness; you get the option to flirt with them. (Intern LI is basically something like Jaylen from Platinum or Aurora from OH, but done right and a LI. Rivals to lovers? We love to see it!) Sam asks if MC is still interested in an interview because they might have a position in mind for them.

The interview is beyond weird with Sam asking for the MC’s thoughts on children, about their living situation etc. Eventually you get to call them out on that and they confess that they only have company funds for one intern and even though the MCs application was a standout and their personal favourite, they can’t hire them. That’s where they propose a compromise: MC becomes their Nanny, as they are in need of one due to recent changes in their personal life, and they get to pay them out of their own pocket. The MC gets the opportunity to work at Dalton Enterprise on the days she doesn’t have to watch the kids.

As you accept you wonder why that is, but don’t dare to question them further as you don’t want to seem ungrateful. That night you come by the apartment to meet the boys, who in this version are a bit more weary of you, but you bond over a chemistry experiment. After they are put to bed you get to the office scene with Sam. You ask when you’ll meet their wife and that’s where you find out what’s really going on here. Sam and their wife are having troubles, severe enough that she packed up and moved out a few months ago. They are trying to work things out but it looks bad. Not only is their personal life affected by this, their relationship is a huge part of their respective public image and even just saying the word divorce out loud makes them see Dalton’s numbers drop into the red. They still keep up appearances, stayed on good terms for the twins but this is just a partnership of convenience by this point and secretly they’re both sick of it. They got married straight out of college, had the twins by their mid-twenties and are approaching their tenth wedding anniversary, the spark’s gone and they crave something new and exciting but are too scared to move on from the known.

Character Arcs

1. Sam: They are a huge science nerd at heart, they never held big business ambitions and are mostly in it to help improve people’s quality of life. If it were up to them they’d slave away in a lab, happily isolated from the stress of public relations. Years of training went into their suave persona, but deep down they are still an insecure dork. Sam is struggling to adapt to the changes in their life and can’t bring themselves to take that leap of faith and start a new chapter. Their arc would include cutting back at work and focusing on the things they’re passionate about like lab work and spending more time with the twins. With a romanced MC their story would be loaded with tensions of Sam clinging to the past. MC feels like the unfavourable side-piece as long as Sam keeps the facade of their marriage up and the constant threat of their relationship becoming public lingers over everything. In addition there’s the question of Sam’s true motives. Is this just a convenient rebound or more?

2. The Twins: Mason and Mickey have a hard time dealing with their parents’ separation. Their pranks are more channelled into “parent trapping” them into getting back together. They don’t really understand their parents separation of public and private life and are mostly confused by how hot and cold they are with each other. After their initial scepticism towards MC they see them as a confidant with their problems. MC gets to champion for the twins needs and force Sam and their wife to see how much their behaviour is hurting their kids.

3. Robin: Robin’s been living in Sam’s shadow for all their life and they are so sick of it. Everything they have feels like a constant fight, every snippet of appreciation or recognition is earned through blood, sweat and tears and still not good enough to measure up to their older sibling. They built this careful ‘I don’t care’ façade and have kept it up for all their life. That is until they meet MC. They bond pretty quickly over their struggles to reach unreachable expectations and find a close confidante in one another. Depending on the players choices this will be a friendship or a romance. As Sam’s arc comes to a close with them cutting back at work Robin finally gets to step up and do what they always wanted. They are quick-witted, extroverted, business savvy and well connected. Unrecognised by their father they’ve been the better candidate for the position Sam was in all along.

4. Intern LI: From the get go they aren’t a big fan of the MC. In their eyes, they’ve worked for all the life to get where they are now and feel like the MC was just handed their position. MC and Intern are aware that they are basically two people working a one-person job and are both trying to be the best at it. You get the option to play into this rivalry or make it a team effort. Getting closer you find out that your background isn’t so different after all and that it’s silly to try and hold the other one back. Their love language is still very teasing and snippy but never without an affectionate smile and rare but genuine compliments will come later in the friendship/relationship. A big setback is when they find out that you are living with Sam and they far that that’s an inevitable unfair advantage for you, which it is, but they learn to trust their abilities more than others connections.

5. Sam’s Wife: You’ll first meet her maybe five or six chapters in. Up until then she’s build up to be this perfect, idealised, flawless being. She’s supposedly fearless, fought to be in the position she’s in now, a self-made woman who turns everything she touches into pure gold. As you meet her you are more than intimidated but she’s just pleasant to be around! A ray of sunshine, positive to the bone. You get the option to ask about her and Sam and she sadly has to admit that sometimes people just fall out of love. She tells MC that she needs Sam to move on, so she can move on and nudges them into their direction. Her romance heavily focuses on her fear of leaving Sam behind in her progress but she can’t help her feeling. Her arc in general focuses on recognising Sam and herself as individuals and not two parts of a whole.

This is crazy long already, but just some major events the story would cover:

A company picnic

The ten-year wedding anniversary

A Dalton Enterprise charity gala

Telling Sam’s parents about their future

Insides on the work at Dalton

Time with the twins

Sorry for the long post, thanks for reading this far!

#playchoices #choices #choices stories you play #The Nanny Affair #choices tna #tna

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theholycovenantrpg · 3 years

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CONGRATULATIONS, MIMZ! YOU’VE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR THE ROLE OF RAPHAEL.

Admin Rosey: I never really thought that Raphael’s application would be so f u n to read. Macabre? Absolutely. Impassioned? Of course. But hilarious to the point where I was giggling? Definitely unexpected but that is what made this so enjoyable and it is ultimately why this application received a r e s o u n d i n g yes from each of us. There was a perspective that I always envisioned for Raphael but was never able to articulate it myself until you laid it out, word by word, with this application, Mimz. Raphael is such a multi-faceted and character that holds so much potential, and the way that you wove it into every aspect of the application made this so fun to read. Thank you so much for taking the time to produce such a wonderful application! Your faceclaim change to Kendrick Sampson has been approved. Please create and send in your account, review the information on our CHECKLIST, and follow everyone on the FOLLOW LIST. Welcome to the Holy Land!

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias

mimz

Age

Personal Pronouns

she/her

Activity Level

i’ll typically check the dash every day, and i try not to keep replies stewing for longer than a couple of days! that said i can be a little slow, especially around exam seasons.

Timezone

pst

Triggers

REMOVED

How did you find the group?

miss minnie bleubeard’s blog

IN CHARACTER

Character

raphael, with a fc change to kendrick sampson

What drew you to this character?

short answer: divine amorality sexy HAHAHAHA

long answer: there was something i read a little while ago about some of the best surgeons being able to dehumanize their patients to a rather frightening degree. there’s a level of abstraction that you need in order to not let your empathy get in the way of the practice of medicine; ultimately, a body is a body is a body, right? and then there’s the moral quandary of healing - it is a doctor’s duty to heal, but what does that actually mean? to what extent is a doctor’s duty to relieve suffering? to obstinately prolong life? if the body heals but the mind still ails, is a person healed? what i’m getting at, here, is that in some ways the healer is the most dangerous character of all.

when i read raphael’s bio, there was a quote in that article from a surgeon named david cheever that came to mind: “as a result of anaesthetics, the surgeon ‘need not hurry; he need not sympathise; he need not worry; he can calmly dissect, as on a dead body.’” to me, raphael is an explosion and expansion of this concept. raphael is, quite literally, a medical ethicist’s worst nightmare, and to me, that’s absolutely fascinating. without sympathy, what separates a healer from an educated control freak with a god complex? with raphael, we can extend this concept to its furthest extreme. raphael isn’t even human - how could he even begin to sympathize with an experience so foreign to him? why would he worry about something trivial as human suffering when it essentially exists as a theoretical concept to him? divine beings have no reason to play by human rules, and as a creature raised by god’s side raphael was so far removed from the concept of human suffering that it’s sort of a no-brainer that he developed a sick fascination with it, like a child who managed to con their parent into buying a grand theft auto game and is obsessed with running over pedestrians because the stakes never quite feel real. it’s a perspective i’d absolutely love to explore in a group rp setting because the nature of rp means that it’s kind of...completely unsustainable? like as writers we’re shoving these characters together, which means that raphael will have to be exposed to mortals. there’s room for a lot of character development there, and it seems like something extremely interesting to explore.

BUT HERE’S THE THING⁠—and this is where the character gets really fun, in my opinion. i’ve talked a fair bit about god complexes already, but when applied to raphael an interesting question is raised: how much is a complex, and how much of it is actually being divine? what really made me want to get my grubby little hands on the reins of raphael’s story was seeing the disconnect between the way his connections are written from raphael’s perspective versus the other character’s perspective. it’s a fun little hubristic shade that makes him an unreliable narrator and infinitely more interesting than a simple morality thought experiment. i think it’s easy to see raphael as this super cool, all-powerful master manipulator (i think that’s a pretty accurate take on his self-image, in fact), but he’s not the only player in this game. for every pawn he’s trying to move, there is someone else trying to use him in a similar way, and i don’t know that he truly understands the ramifications of that. see, i think it’s easy to reduce raphael to the points i discuss in the previous paragraphs because that’s what he wants you to think of him. but this is a world of gods and superpowers and magical political intrigue and game of thrones doesn’t exist so nobody can tell him that he’s on the path to becoming a cersei lannister (admittedly i haven’t watched got so this reference might not be right but i feel like it’s right so uh. yeah!). maybe i just like to see arrogant men getting knocked down a peg? this might be a projection of that. i dunno. i just know that there are quite a few mind games and mental gymnastics to untangle with raphael and that’s fun. he’s fun.

also. i would like to once again reiterate: divine amorality sexy. it’s not good, to be clear, and i don’t condone it, but i’m just saying.

What future plots do you have in mind for the character?

WHEN THE CITY CRUMBLES AROUND YOU AND YOU HOLD ITS VESTIGES IN YOUR HANDS, WHOM DO YOU BLAME?

i think Raphael’s big character arc revolves around a simple question: how far are you willing to go to achieve what you want?

ostensibly, it’s an easy answer: very far. but when your desire is antithetical to your very purpose, when chasing it puts you at odds with the thing you’ve worked to build, do the goalposts move?

(the correct answer is that raphael did not build caelum. he simply destroyed god.)

let’s say, hypothetically, that raphael gets what he wants. the world is thrown into war and chaos and destruction, yadda yadda, raphael gets his blood and his suffering, great. he’s lived through this before (a couple times, actually), so you think he’d realize by now—eventually, the dust will settle. people will tire of suffering. and where will that leave raphael? how many times will you remake the world to watch it burn? can you ever be fulfilled chasing a temporary high?

(the correct answer is no, but raphael is an immortal being. more importantly, he is a patient one. he will wait a million days for rome to be built, if only to witness the single day in which it will burn.)

i think raphael needs to reckon with these questions. i think he’s lived far too long with his mentality unquestioned and that has made him both insufferable and a major threat to society. this is a long and pretentious way to say that raphael honestly kind of needs a hobby whatever the thc-verse equivalent of therapy is, but i think any sort of positive character development is contingent upon a recontextualization of suffering and chaos and raphael’s masks.

of course, this isn’t to say that introspection will only lead to positive character development. perhaps a raphael who looks deeper into his psyche will come to understand that his desires outweigh his role; perhaps such thoughts will push raphael over the edge of propriety and into something more outwardly despicable. no matter what, though, i think that the direction of raphael’s character development will be largely shaped on how he decides to prioritize his⁠ roles and goals.

FOR WHOM DO THESE HANDS HEAL?

let’s discuss the archangels, shall we? despite it all, raphael genuinely loves his brothers. i would argue, even, that raphael believes that his scheming is in service to the other archangels; he’s not blind to the way complacency has softened the angels. at this point, the only true threat to the angels is themselves—if michael wants to to unlock a state of sanctifying grace, it will happen at the hand of one of his kin.

i spoke earlier about raphael’s goals ultimately being futile. this is largely because they are diametrically opposed to michael and gabriel’s goals, and while raphael knows this intellectually, i don’t think he’s quite thought about what the long-term implications of that conflict entails. he’s so caught up in the conflict between michael and gabriel that he’s neglected to consider how he factors into the dynamic. could he be the common ground that brings michael and gabriel together? could he be the final straw that breaks them apart? he is excited for the fighting, the fallout; but has he stopped to consider what the long-reaching effects of such a rift may be?

raphael is breaking his family apart because he loves them. will that be enough, when he is sent to pick up the pieces? whose side will he fall on, if he is to pick a side at all?

DID PYGMALION FALL IN LOVE WITH THE BEAUTY OF HIS CREATION, OR THE BEAUTY HE CREATED?

i said this in the previous section but i’d like to reiterate it: i think a big reason raphael is Like That is because the stakes have never quite felt real to him. raphael’s a pot stirrer, but he’s not a creature of action. to this, i say give him real stakes. to be honest, i don’t know exactly what that entails, because i could see a number of ways in which tangible pressure manifests itself for raphael. perhaps his meddling with michael and gabriel steps too far, and his brothers perhaps the angels become suspicious of his maneuvering, in which the spider is drawn into his own web of intrigue. maybe we apply positive pressure, where the ails of the world require a healer and raphael is tapped to higher purpose⁠—and higher power. maybe raphael will find himself tempted by the very demons he holds in contempt.

the point is that raphael has largely been a character who acts through others. even now, we see this through his grooming of romilda, with his subtle manipulation of michael and gabriel. i want him to become a more active character, either by his own volition or by his hand being forced.

similarly, i’m extremely interested in seeing how raphael navigates the political elements of this verse. i expect it stings a bit to be the only archangel not given a position of leadership; perhaps he holds lingering resentment toward zadkiel for being given a role raphael had expected to receive. does he subtly undermine zadkiel’s leadership? i want to watch him play up tensions with the vices, to hide a vicious war-hawk perspective under the guise of a concerned healer. i want him to smile in abaddon and samael’s faces and plot their suffering in his mind. i want to see the snake slither in the grass, to return to his original form as a spider spinning a web of intrigue across his court. yes, i want a more active raphael, but i think the political drama is ripe for development, as well.

WHEN I SPIT UP MY SINS AND BEG FOR REPENTANCE, WHAT WILL COME UP?

this one’s a long shot, but i could maybe...see...raphael……..falling. i can guarantee you that the idea has never even crossed raphael’s mind, and that he would literally rather be smited than be cast out of caelum, but i can see it. i think he might be happier, actually; if he fell, he could really lean into the chaos and suffering thing without any compunction.

of course, this is something infinitely easier said than done. were raphael to be cast out of caelum, he would have nowhere to go. infernum would never take him⁠—he’s made far too many enemies among their ranks. he could wander the holy land, but he’s far too proud to bind himself to its existing social systems. (he wouldn’t be able to look gabriel in the eye.)

raphael would have absolutely nothing.

but he would also be free.

that’s right, i think that a horsemen-style liberation arc would be an absolute banger for raphael. again, i don’t think it’s feasible unless a very specific set of circumstances happen, but just imagine a raphael with nothing to lose, free to go absolutely apeshit. his only prerogative is to make sure you have a bad day. he is free to sow whatever chaos, whatever suffering he so wishes across the land. WHEW.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character?

yes, but i don’t see him going down easily.

IN DEPTH

Driving Character Motivation

entomological curiosity, in short. consider: why did god leave the apple in the garden of eden? why do humans keep animals in glass cases? why do children burn ants with magnifying glasses?

raphael wants to observe the world. a good healer must understand his patients at a fundamental level, and such truths are only revealed when the subject is broken down to its basest parts. you see, raphael was weaned on temperance and virtue; there is a lush decadence to emotional extremes that he finds most fascinating. they are debased. they are crass. they are wantonly sentimental, in a garishly beautiful way.

but this is not all. he wants to stave off boredom, and these are the tools he has to play with. for all of his machinations, raphael is a simple being. raphael has no grand ambitions, no lofty ideals, and that is what makes him so dangerous. he wants to be amused. he wants to be stimulated. he wants to observe a world in which things happen.

ostensibly, this is not as selfish a motivation as it may seem. as a healer, raphael knows something that many do not: serenity cannot exist in perpetuity. it is impossible for the world to remain unchanged⁠—even if the change is not evident, it is happening. an eternal peace is all but a stagnation of the kingdom; the only thing stagnation breeds is degradation. the angels are weakening because they are not being challenged. michael and the virtues may be doing extensive research to find an alternate explanation, but raphael knows this to be the truth.

of course, the irony underlying the selfless explanation of raphael’s motivations reveals the truth of the matter: it is a farce. perhaps it is a lie that raphael has even convinced himself he believes, but it is farcical nonetheless. raphael claims he wants to invoke change because stagnation is dangerous, but riddle me this⁠—if this is true, why has raphael never changed? centuries upon centuries have passed, and the world has changed around him, but raphael himself has remained largely unchanged. he is the orchestrator of change, not its agent nor its subject, and that is just the way he would like things to stay.

Character Traits

CHARISMATIC - there’s a reason very few have cottoned on to raphael’s true nature, and it’s not (just) his pretty face and magical girl-esque aura. there’s something effortlessly captivating about raphael, a pace to his cadence that has you hanging on to his every word, a lightness to his smile that makes you want to coax it out whenever and however you can. everything about raphael puts people at ease, except for his eyes, which tend to put people on edge if he’s not careful. he’s not gregarious or the outgoing sort of charismatic by any means, but he does manage to exude an overwhelming charisma.

PATIENT - it’s important to remember that before raphael turned on god, he waited for him. raphael performed healings for centuries and never raised a hand against his father in that time. think of all the angels that fell, that rebelled; raphael was not among them. no, raphael played the dutiful son, allowing his resentment to fester and boil deep underneath his skin, but never to surface. for centuries he served loyally, biding his time. remember: lucifer fell. raphael did not. which one killed god? as i mentioned in the plot section, raphael will wait a million days for rome to be built to witness the single day it burns. prolonged suffering is perhaps the most beautiful of all. fortitude goes hand-and-hand with patience.

INTELLIGENT - in a few ways. raphael is well-studied, with extensive knowledge of biology and chemistry and history and politics. raphael is emotionally intelligent; he hides his true nature behind a veneer constructed to meet expectations. he may not be as talented as gabriel in this regard, but it is a skillful construction nonetheless.

MANIPULATIVE - i mean. yeah.

ARROGANT - he thinks he’s smarter than god???????????????? tbf god was a bit of a headass in this universe but we’ve all read enough tragedies to know where this kind of hubris ends up going.

CRUEL - there’s a bit to unpack here. i’d argue that there are two types of cruelty: malicious cruelty and callous cruelty. raphael is certainly capable of both, but i think he embodies the latter. with certain notable exceptions, raphael’s cruelty is rarely personal; it is a thoughtless sort of cruelty, the type inflicted upon beings considered expendable. raphael is selfish and petty and powerful, and these traits coalesce into a casual cruelty.

In-Character Para Sample cw: light gore

Look at how they look at him. God’s good little lambs, lined up all in a row, passive and pliant and patiently awaiting benediction. Patiently waiting for Raphael.

Raphael hates them.

No. This is false. It is difficult for Raphael to muster up stronger feelings toward mortals than a vague sort of amusement, the sort of affinity one might have for a particularly stupid kit when it does something surprisingly clever. In this regard, he understands that he differs from his kin. Gabriel, in particular, has developed a particular fondness for the mortals. Why anyone would wish to strip mortals of their most fascinating behavior⁠—to the point of openly defying their Father⁠—is beyond Raphael. He has given up on trying to reason with his brother on the matter.

The first supplicant is beckoned forward. They pray to the Lord and Raphael touches their forehead with one palm, cups their chin with the other. His fingers splay carelessly around a throat all but bared to him and the ceremony is so mechanical Raphael allows his thoughts to wander⁠.

How easy it would be to tighten his grip. How beautiful it would be, to watch the lamb’s naive adoration flash into fear, to watch fear darken into betrayal and resentment and the most beautiful emotion of all: despair. He can feel the pulse at his fingertips. It would quicken in a stress response, he knows. It would quicken, then it would pound, and then maybe it would stop. It all falls to Raphael’s whim. In this moment, Raphael holds their life in his hands. They have all but laid on his sword for the promise of absolution and when they look up at Raphael with their dumb, trusting eyes he can see the sparkling tracks where tears once fell, down the hollow of a cheek into the pool of a collarbone. He finds himself overcome with the desire to trace the fall with his tongue. “Give me your pain,” he murmurs. Let me taste it. Let me understand.

He takes it. He does not taste it. He does not understand.

He releases the mortal. Those beautiful tear tracks are already fading. “The Lord be with you,” he says, and perhaps he even means it. His Father’s gaze burns into his back, even from a world away. He’d laugh at the irony, were he free to. Is this the weight you so desire? he wants to ask the devotee. No, Raphael knows the truth: God’s love is a shackle. God’s love is a leash and it is holding Raphael back from his fullest potential.

“And also with you,” the lamb responds. Their head is bowed obediently in prayer and they shuffle away, appropriately awed. The next supplicant is beckoned forward.

The light of Raphael’s presence obfuscates the darkness in his eyes.

—

Later, much later, Raphael finds himself studying his hands. He flexes them, balls them into fists, stretches his fingers as far as they will spread.

How easy it would be to tighten his grip.

The hand is at once an individual unit and a summation of individual parts. The hand contains twenty-seven bones and thirty-four muscles connected by over a hundred ligaments and tendons. Wrists connect to metacarpals, which connect to carpals, which taper off into delicate phalanges. Individually, each of these parts are largely useless; were Raphael to take a scalpel and drag it through a tendon, across the joints, the strings would be cut and the puppetry would cease to dance. You would be left with a small pile of carpals and metacarpals and phalanges, loose strings of muscle and tendon. At times, it is difficult to fathom how such mundane component parts are the instruments of extraordinary acts.

Raphael flexes his hand, watches bone shift under skin. If he remembers correctly, mortals have an idiom about knowing your hands, or something along those lines. He will not pretend to be familiar with mortal culture. Did you know that, wings aside, mortals and angels all have the same bone structure?

Of course you did. It is common knowledge that God made all beings in His image, or so the story goes.

This is an easy answer, but one with interesting implications. Let us extrapolate. If mortals and angels are essentially biological mirrors, and each are made in the image of God, does that mean that God will bleed like His creations? Slide a scalpel across God’s knuckles—will His puppets cease to dance?

Raphael could find out. It would take only a single blade, sliced through a single tendon.

Now, Raphael is not so arrogant to believe himself the blade. He would not even consider himself the hand. Such a role requires a particular kind of conviction—

( —and that sort of conviction is made manifest in bitter disillusionment⁠—the sort inflicted upon Michael. How easy it would be to find himself in his brother’s ear, whispering of their Father’s capriciousness and the unnecessary cruelty that resulted for the poor, poor humans— )

( —and that sort of conviction is made manifest in righteous anger⁠—the sort inflicted upon Gabriel. How easy it would be to find himself in his brother’s ear, whispering of their Father’s neglect and the unnecessary cruelty that resulted for the poor, poor humans— )

( —and that sort of conviction is made manifest in a whetted hunger⁠—the sort God gifted to each of His angels. Hunger breeds hunters and heaven is full— )

—that Raphael simply cannot embody. Rage has never been his forte.

Consider, however, that the hand is controlled by nerve impulses. A spark is all the hand needs to transform from a collection of bone to an agent of action. Yes. He clenches his fists. Here are the bones, the veins, the tendons, the muscle. Angels and mortals all share the same bone structure.

Does God?

Extras

pinterest.

raphael has classically beautiful wings. i’m talking TEXTBOOK cherubic angel wings, with the sweeping white feathers and all. raphael kind of hates them, though he takes a great deal of pride in them.

raphael doesn’t have a signature weapon. he’s proficient with blades, yes, and fights with a surgeon’s precision, not the strongest nor the fastest but eerily efficient in his blows. but he is a healer—at the end of the day, his empty hands are all he needs. (his empty hands are what you should fear.)

raphael hates the heretics pro forma but. but. he cannot deny a certain...fondness for them. the heretics exhibited such dedication to a futile cause; they believed their suffering to be something noble. it’s a laughable notion, certainly, but a sentiment so distinctly human it’s almost charming. should they wish to return, to throw themselves on the knife over and over and over, well. raphael shall not complain. he shall smile beatifically, perhaps abate their suffering, even⁠—and watch them do it again.

in a modern au, raphael is a reality tv producer. ok actually he’s probably a surgeon but i think he’d make a very good reality tv producer. alternately, there is a universe out there where raph fixated on like...baking, or k-pop, instead of suffering. those are good timelines, i think. maybe not the k-pop stan timeline.

raphael is the living embodiment of that dwight schrute “we need a new plague” meme.

#accepted #accepted: raphael

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roborights · 4 years

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RULES: List five tropes applicable to your character, then tag others to do the same. (Tropes Wiki) REPOST! DO NOT REBLOG.

Tagged by: shhhhhhh Tagging: anyone who wants to do it!

RIDICULOUSLY HUMAN ROBOT - Robots in television — particularly comedic television — are usually human-like in ways that very few sane programmers would deem useful. It can be something as simple as being philosophical (wanting to understand human emotion, wondering if they have a soul, etc.), but can extend to such things as robot social cliques, robot food, robot entertainment, robot religion, and even robot sex. It doesn't matter if it makes no sense in the context of a mechanical servant, or even if it's truly undesirable, the designers have put it in there for some twisted reason. This will often take the form of having a robot that looks exactly like a human. The degree to which this is actually "ridiculous" varies depending on the setting. In some cases they get a free pass — it may be that an intelligence, artificial or not, needs to be vaguely human-like in its basic outlines, with emotions, interests, motivations, et cetera simply to be functional for certain tasks, such as those requiring a great deal of long-term autonomy. On the other hand, perhaps humans prefer Sexbots not to behave like automated teller machines. It may be, if human intelligence itself is merely an evolved set of functions held together in an evolved psychological architecture, that any society with sufficiently ubiquitous and flexible automation will necessarily have the means to produce something human-like, or it may simply be that emotions, desires, and curiosity are unavoidable side-effects of full sentience. Whatever serves the needs of the well-reasoned plot or setting. In these cases, Ridiculously Human Robots make sense. Also, a few illogical design choices are a small price to pay for keeping robotic characters out of the Uncanny Valley. However, it's rare that a series explicitly spells this out, and often, these human-like AIs are put right up next to similar, yet emotionless equivalents that function perfectly.

PEOPLE PUPPETS - Not Mind Control - body control! Some guys just feel the need to be in control... of everything. Including you. No, not with possession, not through manipulation; we mean literally controlling your body, forcing you to move as he wishes, and turning you into his personal People Puppets. Such a character, usually a villain, can control his victims' limbs as if they were marionettes on a set of strings. Sometimes he'll actually have a puppet-theme, and many a Demonic Dummy has powers like this to play on the irony of a person being puppet-ed by the puppets; but other times a character just happens to have this ability along with related Psychic Powers. In either case, those controlled will often move in Marionette Motion. Either way, he can manipulate others' bodies while they're still in 'em, much to his victims' dismay... as said victims are usually conscious, confused, and complaining (sometimes loudly, to inform allies — and the audience — that "I ...can't... control my... body!") Or maybe they Can Only Move the Eyes. Most times, they haven't been Brainwashed or anything, as they're protesting mightily — it's just that there's not much they can do about it. For some reason, many character's mouths seem to be immune to this, as they will often protest whatever it is that they're being made to do. This may be related to Voices Are Mental.

NEW POWERS AS THE PLOT DEMANDS - Some superhero comics authors seem to get bored of the same old powers. They add new ones to the same characters whenever they feel that a new power would open up a new story, or a new danger needs a new response, or what the hell, whenever they feel like it. Sometimes a retcon, a power upgrade or some bit of Phlebotinum is employed to explain the new power, but often the character just does something they've never done before and when their friends say, "I didn't know you could do that!", they come back with either "I've never needed to, till now," or worse, "Neither did I!" Generally speaking, this trope is far more forgivable earlier in the story — with a character who has only recently been empowered and is fully justified in not knowing what he can do. Likewise, "neither did I until now" in an experienced character can be reasonable, if it's happening in some circumstance or special condition that the character has never encountered before.However, this is sometimes employed as a form of Deus ex Machina — having written themselves into a corner with a villain or situation that's too overwhelming for our heroes to handle with the tools they've been given, the writer decides to have the hero instantaneously learn the one ability he needs to save the day or bring a character Back from the Dead. Frequently, without any form of Foreshadowing to suggest that he or she can do that. It gets worse if they conveniently forget this ability when it would come in handy in a later situation. This is often the case with a Mary Sue/Marty Stu.

HOPE BRINGER - We have two sides of a conflict - The Empire is opposed by La Résistance or just common folks they oppress, The Legions of Hell fight with Church Militants, the Galactic Conqueror is in a war with The Federation, the Multiversal Conqueror fights against the Guardian of the Multiverse, the Scary Dogmatic Aliens are opposed by The Men in Black and Space Marines. And one side has a giant advantage; they win on every front and it's only a matter of time before they utterly annihilate their enemies. This is the Darkest Hour for the weaker side, but fear not, because Hope Springs Eternal. Then in come these nobodies. Hope Bringers are living proof that one person can make a difference and even the odds. By their actions, they restore hope in the hearts of their allies and lead them into the fight and victory. They can be the Big Good, the Magnificent Bastards, The Chessmasters, The Ace, the Rebel Leader or the People Of Mass Destruction - whatever makes them so special, it works. They can make the two sides not only fight on equal ground again, but even reverse the situation and make the side they help repay the other one for everything they did. The Hope Bringers’ motives may vary. They can help the good guys because they believe in justice, love their fatherland, want revenge, tend to their flock, spread the Good News or just Because Destiny Says So. Often the Hope Bringer is the Chosen One. Note that this isn't always a good thing, since Hope Is Scary and sometimes leads to a Hope Spot. And occasionally the hope bringer is a Dark Messiah who’s willing to do anything to bring hope- regulations, brainwashing, manufactured reality, whatever.

HEROIC SACRIFICE - A character saves another/others from harm and is killed, crippled, or maimed as a result. A bad character who was once good can redeem themselves in the last act by Taking the Bullet that was meant for The Hero, thus expunging all their previous evil, avoiding forcing The Hero to arrest or confront him, and avoiding any real life penalties like disgrace and jail. This is like Redemption Equals Death. In this case, the death and redemption come in a single act. There are essentially three kinds of Heroic Sacrifice:

The one at the beginning of the story, which sets the tone for the rest of the tale.

The one in the middle of the story, wherein the Heroic Sacrifice leads to new heights of badassery, or new depths of depression, in the characters who are affected by it (depending on the story.) Sometimes both.

The one at the end of the story which serves as a Grand Finale, an example of "This character is Too Cool to Live", or the kernel of a Downer Ending or Bittersweet Ending. The "Too Cool to Live" Heroic Sacrifice is the most common type in American movies. Often, The Hero Dies in a heroic sacrifice at the end.

A Heroic Sacrifice usually requires that a character be Not Afraid to Die, even declaring It Has Been an Honor. If the Heroic Sacrifice was pre-planned, it's a Self-Sacrifice Scheme. Often preceded with a Sneaky Departure from the team, or a More Hero Than Thou dispute. A Friend in Need often requires it, and doing it proves your love for them. Contrast Villain's Dying Grace, when a dying villain decides to save a life. The Doomed Moral Victor fights a battle where the outcome is clear from the beginning. If the character has time to say some last words before dying, they often do so in an Obi-Wan Moment. Often a Dying Moment of Awesome. There's also the case where Someone Has to Die, which takes this Up to Eleven.

#『 you can prove anything you want by coldly logical reason—if you pick the proper postulates. 』/ headcanon #;long post for ts #『 it is the obvious which is so difficult to see most of the time. 』/ dash games

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bigskydreaming · 4 years

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Hey feel free to ignore this ask if it's too personal, but could you explain more about how ADHD can help you check out from/survive abuse? Because as someone recently diagnosed who also had an abusive childhood, that sounds very familiar, I am definitely curious about that. Again, ignore this ask if it makes you uncomfortable, and thanks for posting so much about ADHD, it's literally because of recognizing myself in your post that I brought it up to my therapist who diagnosed me lol

No problem! As far as I’m aware, we’re mostly in the realm of more theory than hard confirmation because its not really something you can get much data on other than anecdotal, and when we’re talking the really young end of the showing-signs-of-ADHD spectrum and also in terms of regular or at least persisting experiences with abuse, all that anecdotal data isn’t gonna be current and empirical, its more than likely going to be years old.

So, all that said, my understanding as its been explained to me, is C-PTSD, or complex PTSD, which is technically what I have as it stems all the way from early childhood, like....it literally affects the hardwiring of our brain. When the abuse or trauma occurs early enough in life that the brain is actively in its developmental stages still, the resulting brain patterns and neural pathways of say, an abused kid pretty constantly living in a heightened state of fear or wariness, like....they’re going to be different than those of a kid who thankfully has lived a fairly sheltered life.

This is where things like hyper-vigilance come from.....I’ve had it as long as I can remember, because like, its essentially our fight or flight instinct dialed up to a constant eleven.....and since that’s pretty much where it was for me back when my brain was still developing, that ended up solidifying as my ‘default’ setting, pretty much. That level of vigilance WAS my normal, so my brain by the time it finished developing, was hardwired to TREAT that as normal.

And thus, anything that would trigger a fight or flight response in most people, for me is just.....amped up more than it is for most people. Like, its literally just having more of a hair trigger, being quicker to leap to that physiological and mental response and state of mind....and at a heightened intensity.

My point in going into all of that is to illustrate just one of the many ways childhood abusive experiences can actively affect and shape our developing brains. Someone like me, our trauma quite LITERALLY leaves a lasting impression, because the pathways in my brain that developed as what my brain considers normal, or regular, or just another Tuesday....are geared around the fact that while my brain was developing, Tuesdays pretty much sucked giant donkey balls.

Like, the trauma isn’t just bad memories, the trauma is why someone else hears a car door and their brain goes “oh Mom’s home,” whereas I hear a car door and my brain goes “quick, hide in a closet.” My childhood experiences and C-PTSD literally trained and hard-wired into my brain that this IS normal. that this IS the appropriate, safe, sane response to that stimulus.

Now, where the ADHD comes in, is when I was trying to focus on a single task and get it done? Yeah, it could and still can be a pain and get in the way of that happening. But by the exact same token.....if the only thing in front of me at the time or situation I was immersed in wasn’t something I needed to accomplish, but rather just...an actively unpleasant experience....here’s where my brain’s tendency to take unscheduled vacations no matter WHAT’S going on in front of me or around me, like....was likely an active asset to me.

Because by making it unlikely or even impossible to keep my attention focused entirely on how much a situation might have sucked for me, no matter how bad it was or how long it lasted....the hard-wiring that otherwise would have happened according to the blueprint that situation was mapping out for my brain and attention was interrupted. So it just didn’t happen.

Obviously, this didn’t happen every time, or otherwise I wouldn’t have C-PTSD, but if that’s what was happening at all, to any degree, it means what my brain ended up set at as considering ‘normal’ ended up not being AS dominated by simply traumatic experiences as it otherwise might have.

The sheer fact that I’m as likely to get distracted even from intense pain as I am from a task I’m trying to accomplish means that instead of JUST the abuse and trauma taking the clear lead and being the only defining influence in the matter of shaping my developing brain and neural pathways....my brain ended up being the end result more of a random sampleage, as befits the way my usually scattered focus is just as likely to land on anything else and fixate, as it is on just an extremely crappy situation or experience.

So, in essence, even though I’ve got plenty of even physiological lingering after-effects of childhood abuse, let alone bad memories....its entirely possible that if not for my ADHD, I would have ended up with more. And I mean, frankly, I have enough to deal with in terms of the after-effects I do actually have, lol, so I’m pretty happy to not have even more on top of or besides that.

Hopefully that made enough sense to follow, and helps you in some way or maybe put certain things from your own past in a different context or perspective.

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amandaoftherosemire · 5 years

Text

Bulletproof -- Part Twelve

Fandom: Marvel/College AU

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader, Platonic!Steve Rogers x Reader

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Gamora, Peter Quill

Author: @amandaoftherosemire

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 6,383

Format: Series (Complete)

Warnings: Language, angst, fluff

Summary: Bucky goes to Steve for advice. You go out of your way to get Bucky alone.

A/N: Here it is, folks! So many of you have asked for it, and I’ve loved every single scream of agony as y’all did so. But it’s finally here: the chapter where people actually talk to one another!

Banner by @hellzzzbelle

Part Eleven here

Part Twelve

Bucky locked your apartment door behind him on his way back to his own and immediately regretted it. He swore, viciously, under his breath on his way down the hallway to his door, wishing he'd turned around and woken you up to deal with all of this once and for all. He cursed himself for a coward as he unlocked his own door.

He didn't know what to do. He wanted to push, to make you listen to how he felt and tell him how you felt. The only thing stopping him was the knowledge of what you'd done when Thor had confessed to deeper feelings than an FWB should admit. Should he force you to deal with the fact that he was in love with you, he was far from sure you'd respond with anything more than kindness.

Especially now that he'd realized how far he'd truly fallen in your estimation. It wasn't only that you thought him merely promiscuous or unreliable, but you'd come to associate him with the very thing that had been used in an attempt to incapacitate and violate you. You'd left only his name on a bottle of the substance that had almost destroyed you. Whether you'd thought that deeply about it or not, he couldn't stop, and he was making himself sick to his stomach.

Which is why, when he saw the light on in Steve's studio, his first thought was relief that he didn’t have to be alone. He could talk to Steve, tell him what had happened and ask for help. Bucky assured himself that he didn't have to talk about being in love with you to get his best friend's input and advice on how to fix what he’d done. Moving on instinct, he didn't think twice about walking in with only a perfunctory knock.

Steve had deliberately stayed home to finish his big project so he could ask Peggy out for Saturday night guilt-free. Since he knew Bucky would be out until all hours and would most likely collapse straight into bed, if he came home at all, Steve had devoted the entire evening to a final big push. Which meant he had everything out as he put the finishing touches on all four works, and he hadn't bothered to lock the door.

"Steve, do you got a min--" Bucky came to a screeching halt at the sight of his best friend surrounded by sketches, drawings, paintings, all of you and all in varying states of undress.

"Shit." Steve was already turning around, but not in time to avoid Bucky's fist in his face. He twisted in desperation, grabbing Bucky as he went and tumbling to the floor to avoid damaging the canvas he'd been working on at his friend's inopportune entrance.

The two of them rolled over the floor in a tangle of limbs as Steve tried to defend himself without harming his friend or knocking over any of the paintings. By the time they came to a stop with Bucky crouched over Steve, his metal fist in the blond's shirt, his other hand shoving a sketch of you laughing naked in a bed of clover in Steve's face, they'd managed to scatter paper everywhere.

"If the next words out of your mouth aren't 'she knows about this,'" Bucky growled, "I'll do more than bloody your nose."

The sheer insult that took over Steve's face had Bucky's hand loosening before he'd even responded. "Of fucking course she knows!" The shiver of relief that ran down Bucky's spine was in sharp contrast to his breaking heart and pure confusion, especially when Steve dropped his head to the floor with a thud. "But no one else is supposed to. She's gonna be so pissed at me."

Bucky pushed himself backward until he was sitting on the floor, one leg stretched out and the other bent at the knee for him to brace a forearm. He stared as Steve scrambled to his feet to check the canvas he’d been working on with worried eyes.

“Why?” Bucky asked, not sure what to say but desperate for any kind of explanation as to why there were a thousand images of you staring at him. Without context, Steve looked like the unhealthiest of stalkers.

Steve wasn’t paying attention, too worried about his painting to hear the layers to the question. “She nagged me to lock the door and I told her to shut up,” he answered absently. When he was satisfied the mermaid was unharmed, he stepped back and crossed his arms with a sigh. “She's never going to let me hear the end of it.”

Bucky was standing at this point, staring at a completed drawing in pastels of you in a golden gown that barely veiled the glory of your body, your face drawn into proud disdain. He'd seen that look before. Usually when you were about to say something cruel or cutting to him. "She's your model." Bucky was smiling a little when he turned to meet Steve's eyes, and so was shocked to see horror there. The next thing he knew, Steve was bundling him out of the room in no uncertain terms.

"Ah, come on, punk." Once out in the hallway, Bucky tried a cajoling tone and a wide grin. "Let me see the rest."

Steve planted himself in front of the door with a scowl and crossed arms. "No. No one can see them until she does, jerk."

Bucky glared at Steve for a moment, who glared defiantly back. He thought about needling Steve some more, but ultimately conceded, too familiar with his friend's stubbornness. Bucky figured if he couldn't make Steve do anything when he outweighed him by a hundred pounds, how in the world could he manage it now? Instead of pushing it any further, he faked toward the door, then laughingly let Steve push him down the hall.

"So that’s why she’s in our apartment in her robe all the damn time," he said smiling, but with an accusatory finger as he flopped onto the couch, splaying out to get comfortable as he teased his best friend. He was so relieved to finally have an answer to your and Steve's weird behavior, he could almost forget about what you'd said that night.

Steve dropped into the recliner next to the couch and raised a brow at Bucky. He could see the distress under the cheerful teasing and wondered what had finally brought his friend to him, grateful for it even if it meant he’d have to face your wrath for not being more careful. "How do you know that?" Steve accused. "You're supposed to be in class."

Bucky snorted. "And I've never skipped class, ever." He didn't know how to keep going, to ask the questions he needed to ask, to confess the things preying on his mind. He opened his mouth, but nothing sprung immediately to mind.

Taking pity on him, Steve only let him sit there with his mouth open for a couple of seconds before rescuing him. "So," he asked, genuinely curious as to what had sent Bucky bursting into his studio at nearly two AM after a frat party. "What did you need?"

"Shit. Nothing important." Bucky's courage completely failed him, unsure what it meant that you were Steve's model and not sure, now that he was faced with it, how to talk to Steve about what was bothering him without giving away how he felt about you. He threw his arm over his eyes, trying to give off the impression of someone who had nothing more on his mind than a nap after a long night.

Which is why he didn't see the eye roll that would have warned him that Steve was about to lose his patience. "Come on!" Steve cried, exasperated, causing Bucky to sit up and stare at him. "What is going on with you? Why don't you just talk to me about y/n already?"

Bucky could tell by the question and its tone that Steve had already guessed plenty, probably knew way more than he'd given him credit for. Bucky could also tell by the hurt on his face that he genuinely didn't understand why Bucky wouldn't talk to him about it.

He heard himself say, "Y/N got happy drunk and chatty and said a bunch of shit I didn’t want to hear." He sat forward, rubbing his hands over his face as he finally confessed, to a degree, giving Steve the gist of the conversation surrounding your Bottle of Poison without hinting at anything regarding the physical change in your relationship.

"She's not even mad about it anymore," Bucky finished, "but I can't stop beating myself up over it."

"Did she explain the bottle at all?" Steve frowned on the outside, but a part of him relaxed at the first honest answer he'd gotten out of Bucky about how he felt in months. Though he hadn't realized it, a part of him had been growing steadily darker and sadder the longer his friend shut him out.

Bucky took heart at the fact that Steve sounded genuinely surprised. Though your opinion of him may have soured, perhaps Steve hadn't thought so badly of him. "I would have helped you kick the shit out of Brock if I'd known why you were doing it, Steve."

"I was pissed at you," Steve admitted as he sat forward with a shrug and a smile, "and though I'm not pissed anymore, I wouldn't change it." He looked back fondly and wondered what would have happened if he'd zigged instead of zagged. He would always think of the pretty redhead as the one that got away. "Natasha had my back there. I don't know that Nat and I would be the kind of friends we are without that fight."

Bucky tilted his head and wondered at the story in Steve's eyes, but the answer made him feel better. His friend didn't hate him for all of his mistakes. "I was selfish, and I hurt y/n because of it." He reached out and grasped Steve's shoulder, his eyes blazing as he went on. "But I don't think I realized how much I fucked up a lot of other relationships by doing it. I'm sorry."

Steve smiled sweetly, happy to already see the beginning of mended fences. "You're fixing it," he replied, and his face turned teasing with the next words out of his mouth, "and you've been doing a good job, considering how happy she's been lately."

Bucky let go of Steve's shoulder as his cheeks flamed, thinking about the hand he'd had to clap over your mouth to muffle the moans spilling out as he fucked you from behind in a closet during a party. He didn't know if that counted as "fixing it" or a "good job" but he could not and would not deny it seemed to make you happy.

To cover, he went on to explain what had set him off that night, sobering quickly as he thought about the things you’d said. "I carried her home tonight, dropped her off in her bed, and as I'm leaving, I spot the Bottle of Poison." He flopped back in frustration; now that he was talking to Steve, he wasn't able to stop. "I ask her about it, she drops that whole bombshell on me, then rolls over and goes to sleep. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?"

Steve, by now, was grinning at Bucky in sheer delight, both because he was happy to have his friend opening up to him again and because he'd always known you'd drive Bucky happily mad. "Yep," he replied and leaned back, his hands behind his head, "she's an asshole."

Bucky scowled at the other man without lifting his head from the arm of the couch where he lay sprawled, not entirely certain how to take the fact that Steve sounded like a loving but exasperated brother. "The point is she thinks I’m poison, Steve." Bucky sighed sadly, making Steve’s lips twitch in amusement until he continued. "How do I argue when you were here saving her life while I was off screwing some girl whose name I remember only because I lost y/n over her?"

The grin had faded from Steve's face to be replaced with a soft smile, one rich with compassion. Bucky had made mistakes, but Steve could easily see he felt bad, wanted to learn from them, make up for them. It made it easy to give his friend a hand. "Well," he said thoughtfully, "she never wrote the word Bucky on that bottle, so that's something to think about."

Steve's warmly teasing tone had Bucky's head lifting to see the kindness on his friend's face. Once their eyes met, Steve was going on. "She doesn't think you're poison, Buck. Maybe she did, at one point, but she would never have gotten drunk and let you take care of her if she still didn't trust you."

"Why didn't you guys ever get together?" Bucky couldn't believe he'd finally asked the question he'd had burning in his brain for what felt like forever, but now that it was out, he held his breath waiting for the answer.

'Steve.' He'd finally gotten up the courage to press his lips to yours and he couldn't make himself do anything. Your lips were soft and sweet, but he couldn't kiss you for real, nor could he answer the wry sound of his name coming out of the corner of your mouth. 'Steve, are you gonna kiss me or…?'

'I am kissing you. Shut up.' His gruff retort had you beginning to giggle, forcing Steve to settle his lips more firmly against yours.

'Oh god.' You'd pulled away to snort gleefully up at him. The two of you were sitting on his bed, awkwardly giving making out a try. 'You don't normally kiss like this, do you?'

'No.' Steve sounded insulted, which only had you giggling harder. He shook his head and scowled at you. 'Dammit, will you shut up?' With that, he grabbed your face in his hands and held his mouth to yours, just trying to get you to stop talking or snorting or--

'This isn't kissing, Steve. This is resting your lips against mine. This sucks.'

Steve couldn't take it anymore. He pushed you away from him with a sigh of exasperated frustration. You fell backward, giggling, and Steve wondered why he put up with your ridiculous ass when you wouldn't take anything seriously. 'You are just the worst, you know that, right?' he sneered down at you.

'It's not my fault!' You cried out in mock outrage, still helplessly trying to stifle the giggles, your hand over your heart and your eyes narrowed. 'You're being weird!'

'You're weird!' Steve had cried back. The bickering the two of you had devolved into from there ruined any further experimentation, either that day or any other.

Steve snorted at the memory, then laughed out, his face crinkling sweetly. The awkward frustration, the exasperation with you, the amusement at the ridiculousness of it rang out in that genuine laugh. He didn't even know how to describe it, so he simply said, "It just didn't work out. We were always gonna be better friends than anything more."

"I find that hard to believe." Bucky's eyes were narrowed, but despite his words and expression, he was starting to believe it. Steve's laugh had begun to convince him.

Steve snorted again. "That's because you don't seem to think she's an asshole." He lifted a brow at a scowling Bucky. "She is. But for some reason, you don't notice." The wry tone Steve with which infused the words for some reason had Bucky blushing.

His heart in his throat, he asked the question point blank. "You're seriously telling me you're not in love with her?" Bucky knew Steve's answer could change everything for him, but he couldn't spend another moment not knowing for certain.

Steve's answer had Bucky's heart clenching in despair. "I love her." Steve shone with it, beautiful and pure. "With all my heart. But I'm seriously telling you I'm not in love with her." The expression on Steve's face melted into sly amusement at the misery all over Bucky shifting swiftly to joy. "I doubt you can do the same."

"Steve," Bucky sighed, with a relieved grin, "I'm stupid in love with that girl."

The light streaming through a crack in the blinds directly into your eyes woke you at around 10:30 the next morning. You opened your eyes into that piercing ray of sunshine and felt like you were being stabbed in the brain. You’d done a decent job of staying hydrated the night before, so you’d escaped most of the nausea, but light was your enemy, making your head pound like a drum.

You hissed and slammed your eyes shut in response to the light, rolling over to bury your head under the covers. You vaguely remembered chattering at Bucky about all sorts of embarrassing things, but you also remembered his happy answers. You may have gushed and fawned all over him, but he had been just as sweet and adoring to you.

Something worrisome snickered at the back of your mind, however, reminding you that the conversation hadn’t stopped at sweet nothings. You carefully lifted the blanket to peer at your desk, not entirely certain you hadn’t dreamt the last part but hoping desperately that you had.

Your hopes were dashed as soon as you saw your Bottle of Poison out of its place. You definitely remembered telling Bucky what it was, but you remembered nothing of an explanation as to why it had his name on it. You were terrified that you’d done irreparable damage last night by simply not telling the whole story.

With a groan of frustration and pained disgust, you threw the covers back, grossed out by the smell of smoke and beer that emanated from you and now your sheets thanks to sleeping in the clothes you’d partied in. You made yourself get up and strip the bed; you absolutely had to change the sheets. As soon as that was done, you shimmied out of your dress, letting it fall to the floor with an unexpected thunk.

Realizing you’d slept with your phone in your pocket, you pulled it out and remembered the video Natasha had sent you. Your stomach sinking a little in dread at the admonition to watch to the end and to contact her with any questions, you pressed play.

As soon as you saw the video was recorded in a laundry room, presumably the one in Quill’s frat house, you knew the identity of the man with his mouth on someone other than you. Though it was awkwardly framed, obviously being taken surreptitiously, the video was remarkably clear. In that first second, your heart shattered all over again and you knew you’d gone back on all the promises you’d made yourself.

You’d told yourself you were bulletproof, that you could take Bucky on without fear. You told yourself that you could play with him, enjoy him, and walk away relatively unscathed as long as you remembered that Bucky was for fun, not for keeps. You’d lied to yourself, and because you’d wanted to believe it, you had.

But you’d been vulnerable from the first moment you let yourself care. Bucky was your weakness, always had been. You simply loved him too damn much.

In the next second, you were remembering your promise not to shut him out and your determination, because of that promise, to keep things between you casual and undefined. No matter how it hurt you, no matter what he'd done, you could not walk away. You were seriously considering punching him in the face, however. Or the dick.

The next second, you were seeing Bucky yank the woman away from him and the expression on his face was most definitely not happy or aroused. You knew what Bucky looked like when he was an eager participant; this wasn't it. Then your heart was soaring as you heard muffled words like “no means no” and “not interested.”

By the time the video was over, you were laying on your bare mattress, your phone pressed to your chest as you stared with starry eyes at the ceiling. Then you watched it twice more, obsessed with the phrase “involved with someone.”

Because you'd promised Bucky that you would stay his friend no matter what, you'd refused to put any labels on whatever was happening between you. You were operating from the logic that he couldn't cheat on you if you weren't his girlfriend. Even should the worst happen, you could find it in your heart to forgive him as long as he wasn't technically unfaithful.

Examining how you'd felt in those brief few moments when you'd thought the worst had happened and he'd technically-not-cheated on you, it was crystal clear that you’d broken every promise to yourself, every rule you'd laid down for dealing with Bucky. You'd known you were going to get hurt, but you'd hoped being logical would prevent the worst of the heartbreak. You knew now you'd been hopelessly naïve, that you could no more prevent Bucky from breaking your heart than you could stop time. At this point, you’d given him all the power; whether you liked it or not he held your heart in his hands.

You didn't know when it had happened, but you'd apparently begun to trust him again, believe in him again. Those brief moments when you'd thought you were witnessing Bucky betray you had been shocking, a complete and utter surprise. That shock told you more than anything else about how much faith you'd already placed in him. You'd questioned whether you could trust Bucky again, but your heart had evidently already made the decision for you.

You also examined how you felt upon watching the rest of the video, the part where he lived up to the trust you'd begun to place in him. Going from shattered to elated so quickly gave you whiplash, but also forced you to confront how deep you'd already fallen, how much power you'd already given him.

Pushing up into a sitting position, you looked at the bottle on your desk and thought about the sinking feeling you felt in your stomach when you thought about what little you'd said in regards to it and how easily Bucky could misconstrue its true meaning. You couldn't help but feel a little touch of panic at what Bucky might be thinking and feeling after the abbreviated conversation you remembered having.

That thought had you taking a deep breath and admitting to yourself that you weren't the only one vulnerable, that he wasn't the only one with the power to cause pain. That dangerous thought led to others until your heart was racing with hope and anticipation. You didn't know what was going to happen next, but you were determined to fix whatever was broken rather than accept that it had to be that way.

You wanted Bucky. It had always been him for you. When you thought it impossible, you’d tried to move on, but a part of you had never been able to stop grieving for what couldn’t be. The bright, gorgeous idea that you’d been wrong, that Bucky wanted to be yours had you leaping to your feet. You may have been pale, naked, and headachy, but you knew what you wanted and were determined to fight for it.

You wanted Bucky, so you were gonna go get him; it was as simple as that.

Now that you had a goal, all you needed was a plan. You smiled, slow and wicked, at the almost empty bottle of Jameson, the first glimmers of an idea forming. Slipping on your robe in case Gamora had company, you grabbed your phone and the sheets to head for the washing machine and the shower. You had a lot of shit to get done if you were going to pull this off, but you needed to text Steve first.

Step One in Operation Poison Control? Get Bucky alone.

Steve had told you he was skipping the party to push on the project. You also knew if he'd gotten everything finished, he planned to try to get a date with Peggy. You had your fingers crossed that he'd managed both when you texted him around noon.

So? Did you finish? Are they done?

Steve felt guilt already crawling up the back of his neck as soon as he saw your name on the text. He wanted to confess immediately, to tell you that he'd fucked up and Bucky had seen some of the drawings. He didn't want to confess over text, however, knowing you'd be less likely to hold a grudge if you could berate him in person and right away.

I did and they are. You wanna come see?

You’d been hoping Steve would say yes for the purposes of furthering your Bucky agenda, which is why you were blindsided by the urge to rush over and look right away. You reined it in, though the anticipation of seeing the finished work was genuinely exciting. You reminded yourself that you had higher priorities at the moment.

YES!!! I really can’t right now, tho. What are you doing tonight, 8ish?

Steve cursed under his breath. He had really been hoping to get you over to look at the finished works that afternoon so he could be done with all the subterfuge once and for all. He wanted to tell Peggy the whole truth about the project, show her what he'd accomplished with your help. He had a feeling about her, knew he had a shot at something spectacular with her.

He also didn't want to leave Bucky alone in the apartment with temptation. He didn't think Bucky would go into the studio now that Steve had explained that you hadn't seen them yet and you had dibs, but he also didn't want to push it. If he could only have shown you before he had to leave, he could have confessed and taken off guilt and worry free.

I’ve got a date with Peggy. I ran into her at the gym this morning and she offered to buy me dinner to celebrate the end of the project. She’s amazing.

You were busy spreading clean sheets over your bed as you set up your evening. When you saw Steve's text confirming he'd be out of the apartment at exactly the time you wanted to be cornering his roommate, you grinned wickedly and began to plot in earnest.

Though nothing in the message mentioned it, Steve had, often enough, that you had an idea of where his head was at. Even if it wasn't, you knew he'd appreciate it, regardless, so you shot a quick text to hopefully make his date a little less stressful. And then another simply to squee over how freaking adorable they were.

I know it's been driving you nuts, so go ahead and tell her the whole thing. But I still get to see them first!!

I love how happy you are! She’s so great! And you guys are so great together! Goddammit! Agdhhdkfkfkjsh!!!

Steve grinned at your response, the relief huge enough to almost drown out the scream of guilt. He knew he should tell you right now that Bucky had seen at least one of the finished paintings and a ton of the sketches, but he was terrified you'd take it back and he really wanted to tell Peggy the whole truth. He vowed to tell you everything and beg for forgiveness. Tomorrow.

THANK YOU!!! Stop congratulating yourself.

No! I rock! I am the Queen of Matchmakers!

Yes, fine. Thank you, your majesty, for introducing us.

By the time you were done with the quick banter, you were sitting at your desk, making a checklist of all the things you needed to get done to make your plan work and also not fail your finals. Anxiety crawled up your neck as the list got longer and longer.

But you also REALLY wanted to see Steve’s paintings.

You’re so totally welcome. How about tomorrow afternoon then? I should be able to take a break.

Steve breathed a sigh of relief. He’d only have to hold on for one more day. He’d talk to Bucky again, get his promise that he’d stay out of the studio. Then, tomorrow he’d show you the paintings, apologize for not locking the door, and everything could hopefully go back to normal.

Sounds good. I’ll text you around two?

Perfect.

Perfect was exactly right. Steve would be gone, and Bucky planned to stay in and study for finals. At least, that was the plan as of last night. You hoped nothing had changed because…

Step Two of Operation Poison Control: Full-on seduction wear. The rest of your checklist complete, and that had been hell to accomplish, you dug into your closet for a dress you’d only bought at Nat’s insistence. She’d been sure she’d be able to talk you into it during the coming summer nights when you went clubbing. A short skater dress with cutouts for cleavage, an abbreviated hemline that stopped just south of your ass and fabric that tightly hugged your torso before flaring out at the hips, it was both incredibly revealing and wonderfully flattering. You couldn’t wait to see Bucky’s face.

You pulled out all the stops with your hair and makeup, going for tousled and sultry with pouty lips and bedroom eyes. When you were done, after a day of laundry, studying, and careful plotting, you stood in your bathroom, looking at your reflection and taking a few deep breaths.

When you stepped out of your bedroom on strappy stilettos, the Bottle of Poison in your hand, Peter Quill was sitting on the couch in your living room next to Gamora. The two of them turned at the sound of your bedroom door, but their expressions could not have been more different. Gamora’s face spread in sly satisfaction; she could see the determination and the optimism all over you.

Peter, on the other hand, gave a full-on jaw-drop before he wolf-whistled. Opening his mouth with a smirk, he said smoothly, “Damn, y/n, you look--"

“Peter, if you hit on my best friend you won’t even make it to that first date. You’re on probation, remember?” Gamora's voice was sharp and unamused, but you could see the twinkle in her eye that told you she was having a perverse kind of fun.

Quill held up a hand, his voice carrying the offense of the maligned innocent, “I was gonna say… that she looks hot but come on!” He was laughing as Gamora stifled a smile and smacked his arm. “Look at how hot she looks! It’s not my fault!”

She rolled her eyes at him before fixing you with a piercing stare. “Are you finally going to listen to me? Actually talk to him?”

You lifted the bottle. “Yes, ma’am.”

Gamora gave you a quick once-over. With a nod, she smirked. “You do look hot. Go get him already.”

As you walked out of your apartment you heard Quill say, “Uh, Gamora? That wasn’t the look of a woman planning to talk.” You were cackling wickedly as you shut the door behind you.

With their stamp of approval, you were certain that you'd accomplished your goal, which was to sex it up enough that there was no way you wouldn’t succeed at…

Step Three in Operation Poison Control: Get through the door.

Bucky sat at his desk with his head in his hands, his eyes on the diagram in front of him, trying to shut out thoughts of you so he could concentrate on memorization. He was almost grateful for the knock on the door because he was failing miserably.

He couldn’t stop thinking about you, had already grabbed his phone to text you a dozen times. Knowing you were just down the hallway was absolute torment, but he didn’t know what he’d say even if he gave in and knocked on your door. Steve had been little help, advising him to tell you he was in love with you, but Bucky couldn't explain to his friend all the reasons that was a minefield.

And the first was staring him in the face when he swung open the door to find you in a dress seemingly designed to give him an instant hard-on. The problem was that he was pretty sure he was addicted to you, and the sight of you standing at his door in straight fuck-me wear with a smile on your face to match did not help his affliction in the slightest.

His voice already aching, he breathed, "Babygirl. Where you going looking like that?" Bucky gave you the lopsided half-smile that always preceded bedroom eyes and a lowered voice. "And can I come, too?"

Careful to keep the bottle behind your back, you stepped close, biting your lip and laughing sultrily. "That depends on if you’re alone. And if I get to come first."

Bucky couldn't have said no even had he wanted to. He'd never been so happy Steve had a date. "I’m all by my lonesome tonight." He stepped back to hold the door open wide in welcome for you. "Why don’t you come inside, and we’ll see what we can do about the rest?"

You let your arm fall to your side as you sauntered by on your way to the kitchen. You tossed over your shoulder as you went, "You take care of the rest and I’ll let you come inside."

Behind you, Bucky was rolling his eyes in appreciation for your ability to turn him on with just your smart mouth when he spotted the bottle in your hand. He thought he recognized it and his stomach sank in dread as he followed. "Whatcha got there?"

You moved to the cupboard where Bucky and Steve kept their glasses, taking down a couple of mismatched shot glasses. "A peace offering," you answered, moving to the counter and setting them down. "I realized this morning that I'd explained some of this," you lifted the bottle and shook the little bit of liquid in the bottom, "but not all of it." You poured what was left into one of the shot glasses, then picked it up to pour half into the other. You offered the empty bottle to Bucky, a soft smile on your face as you explained.

"This is how I did it, how I cut you off for years." Your face was soft and sad and made Bucky's heart clench in misery as he took the bottle from you, though he wasn't sure what you were trying to say. "I convinced myself you were bad for me. That you were poison. I never let myself forget it."

Bucky knew it wasn't enough, but he'd apologize a thousand times if you needed it. “Y/n, I'm sor--”

"But you're not bad for me. You’re not poison." You cut him off, knowing where he was going and not needing or wanting to hear it again. "Bucky, I'm sorry."

Of all the things he expected to hear, that was the very last. "What?!"

"You shouldn't have run from me," you said with a teasing smile, "but I shouldn't have hidden from you." You picked up both glasses, offering one to Bucky. "Forgive me? I'd say let's trade, but you've already apologized, and I've already forgiven you."

Bucky took the glass from you, hoping he understood correctly. "I don't need an apology," he said seriously.

You smiled sweetly. "Need or not, you deserve one. I promise to never cut you off again." You lifted the rim of your glass in offering, to toast on the last of the poison together.

Bucky hoped he understood what you were offering, not only forgiveness, but a clean slate. He clinked his glass to yours and spoke what he hoped was only the first of a thousand promises. "And I promise to never let you go without a fight."

Bucky could see that had been exactly the right thing to say as your face lit up with a smile so sweet and sparkling it took his breath away as surely as the whiskey that burned down his throat. He was pretty sure it was only you making his head spin, however, as you came around the counter to grab his hand and pull him toward the living room as you pulled your phone from the little pocket in your skirt.

"Next order of business," you said with a mischievous smirk as you pushed him into the recliner, "I want to show you a video I received last night, but I didn't see until this morning."

Once he was seated, you slid sideways onto his lap, one arm behind his neck, the other holding the phone up as you showed him the video Natasha had sent you.

Bucky had been grinning at your playful attitude, happy to welcome you into his lap. His metal arm behind your back, his flesh hand had already started to climb up your leg when he realized what he was looking at. Panic setting in immediately, his hand tightened almost painfully on your thigh as he heard himself begin to speak without a clue what he was going to say. "Y/n, I swear--"

"Shh." You cut him off with a finger to his lips, then a kiss to the tip of his nose, effectively silencing him. "Listen." Once the video came to a close, you stuffed the phone back in your pocket and linked your hands behind his neck, turning your body towards his and leaning in.

"So," you smirked into his happy, hopeful face, your lips a breath from his, "you're involved with someone?"

Bucky laughed a little, breathlessly, and wondered who he had to thank for sending you the video. "Involved doesn't begin to describe it."

Your smile sparkled again and made Bucky's heart race. "Really?" Your voice was smug as you snuggled further into Bucky's lap. "Anyone I know?"

Part Thirteen here

Taglist:

@learisa @angieptt @mia-at-work @midnightdream83 @wwecrazed2010 @allandoflimbo @emaywhyayy @cheekygeek05 @lovely-geek @diinofayce @suz-123 @hellzzzbelle @olukewarmo @fairchild21 @thefridgeismybestie @fandomsstolemylife00 @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @australianhorrorstory @buckybarneshairpullingkink @c-ly-g @wishingforahome @strangersstranger @whiskeyandwashitape @eyesfixedonthesun22 @ingenue-q @joe-mazzello-is-my-dad @irritated-bisexual @fashionworld12 @lbouvet @rishlo @bibliophile1773 @miraclesoflove @nerdy-bookworm-1998 @destiel-is--endgame @peaceinourtime82 @badassbaker @walkingtravesty97 @firefly-in-darkness @sleepingspacedragon @lydklein1 @marvel-lucy

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disasterhumans · 5 years

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This post originally started out as a reply, of sorts, to tags made by @theregoesmylurkerstatus on this post

#its very interesting to me honestly #he's still so closed off after all this time #its almost like one if the Nein betrayed him he wouldn't be that hurt? #no 'why's or 'how could you's #just immediate survival kicking in #hardening himself towards it #i think the only betrayal that would cut through that and into shock would be jester

But, as is often the case with things like this, I got carried away, and it just seemed to make more sense to make this a standalone post.

Fjord is, in some ways, a contradiction in terms. While all of the Nein love and value each other to varying degrees, I think it’s fair to say that Fjord is the person who values loyalty and community as ideals the most. He has a history of systemic abuse and bullying, but also a history of working as a part of a crew. I think Fjord had a lot of complicated—and perhaps contradictory—feelings about his life as a sailor, but by and large he seems to remember it more fondly than, say, Beau does her time at the Cobalt Soul. All of the Mighty Nein have had pasts marked by loneliness, but Fjord is the only person who found a community (of sorts) in the aftermath of that loneliness that wasn’t the Mighty Nein. So he knows what it is and he holds it dear.

We don’t know what Fjord was like as a sailor. From what Fjord’s said of that portion of his life, it seems like he didn’t have any particularly close bonds aside from Vandran. But that doesn’t really mean he wasn’t slightly more open then than he is with the Mighty Nein now. It feels like we might still be missing some specifics about his relationship with Sabien—maybe in spite of their early childhood antagonistic relationship, Fjord actually tried to open up and become friends with Sabien. Maybe he truly grew to trust him. Maybe he truly cared for him. And then Sabien went and destroyed the stability that Fjord had come to rely on (that stability seems to be the thing Fjord liked most about being a sailor), and also literally killed him.

And then Fjord washes up on shore with a falchion, new powers, and weird dreams.

And the next person he meets is Jester. Who is the only person of the entire group who is—and who has always been—an entirely open book. It’s been heavily implied that Jester and Fjord both know most—if not all of—each other’s backstories. And I think half the reason Fjord was able to open up to Jester (aside from her being generally pleasant and supportive), is because she probably opened up to him first. And because she so clearly has nothing to hide except her sadness. Fjord’s not good at reading people, so someone who is so open and genuine feels safe. And there’s also the fact that she’s the first person he met after his entire life changed. As Liam’s talked about re: Caleb sharing his background: it’s likely that at least part of the reason that Fjord shared his past with Jester is because he needed the catharsis.

There’s also Beau, who tends to answer people’s questions about her fairly straightforwardly, especially one-on-one (it’s just people often don’t ask her...) She’s not an “open book” in the same way Jester is. And she definitely has a certain amount of skill in deception. But she’s frank and honest in a way that I think Fjord probably found refreshing. Not “safe” in the same way he found Jester safe, but comfortable enough that he still feels like he can share the person he is now with her. Outside of Jester, Beau is the person who will consistently check on Fjord, and Beau is the person Fjord will consistently go to. I think there might be some contexts where a Beau betrayal may not “shock” Fjord in the same way a Jester betrayal would, but in a situation like the one down in the tomb, I think he would have been.

But every single other member of the Nein is closed off and twitchy and secretive. And Fjord isn’t the best at reading people—and I think he knows he’s not the best at it. He can tell when people are generally shifty and hiding something, but he can’t pick apart whether what they’re hiding are their motivations, or something else. Fjord has the same problem reading other people that certain parts of the fandom have reading Fjord—he keeps a lot close to the chest, and hides seemingly meaningless (to an outside observer) details, but is ultimately doing so out of shame and self-loathing. Given that uncertainty in being able to read others effectively, and also given that Fjord’s been burned by the betrayal of an ally before, it makes sense that he is generally reticent to grow close to people. Tens of episodes and several in-game months in and Fjord still doubts Caleb’s dedication to the group (granted, so does Caleb). It’s telling that the thing that’s gotten him closest to opening up to someone other than Jester, is Caleb offering to open up about himself in turn.

But, Fjord is a person who wants to be a part of a community. He wants the group to work (he’s like Molly in that respect). It’s what he and Caleb initially bonded over (and have circled back around to bonding over)—it’s also what he and Caleb had their biggest falling out over. It’s just that, for Fjord, The Group as an entity is sometimes more important than the group as a collection of individuals. He cares about all of them, he really truly does. But it’s a care that he’s carefully crafted a firewall for. If something goes wrong he can slam that wall up and safely keep separated his feelings for The Group, and his feelings for a member of The Group. I agree, that if any M9 member aside from Jester (and possibly Beau) did something to betray the group, that Fjord would have a similar response. He’s scared of being vulnerable in the same way he was after Sabien—or even after learning about Vandran.

But I think that connection is something Fjord wants. Fjord and Caduceus are similar in that they both seem to care for The Group as an entity, but also seem to be more emotionally detached. But where Caduceus’ detachment (as other meta-writers with a better grasp on Cad than I do have pointed out) comes from the fact that he already has a family, Fjord’s detachment is primarily a coping mechanism. A survival instinct. And it’s one that I don’t think he particularly wants most of the time. He doesn’t want to share his past, because he wants the Fjord he is right now to be the version of himself that the Nein love, and respect. I don’t know if Fjord fully realized how much other party members feel like they don’t really know him until Caleb brought it up (this in contrast to both Beau and Yasha, whom Caleb has few factual life details about, but with whom he’s had genuine and open conversations, and formed specific rapports).

All of this to say that I think it’s both true that Fjord is constantly prepared for people to betray and/or abandon him (see: his doubt the other’s would save them from the Iron Shepherds’; his doubt Caleb would want him as part of the team if he didn’t have powers), and also that Fjord would likely take that betrayal more personally than a lot of other members, regardless of who was doing the betraying. He might not be as emotionally devastated as Jester was/would be. He might not even be as angry as Beau would be (though if the succubus fight was an indication, Beau might just be sadly resigned if it was Caleb doing the betraying). But I do think he is internalizing Yasha’s apparent betrayal in a way the rest of them are not. Fjord immediately and specifically turns his castigation inwards for not being able to see and know that this betrayal was coming. He should know better by now after all, shouldn’t he? At a certain point, in Fjord’s view, if you keep getting betrayed it’s your own fault for being too stupid to see it coming (”fool me twice, shame on me”). And the more it happens, the more Fjord keeps wanting to throw up walls to protect himself from the hurt and self-hatred he feels, while at the same time one of the things he still wants most is to be accepted as part of a group. It’s a vicious cycle that keeps Fjord maintaining an arms’ length distance from the party, even while he is one of the first to take on responsibility for keeping the group as a whole safe, and “righting the ship.” It’s a constant push-pull of—I want to be accepted and cared for, but I can’t risk the danger of getting too close. Which makes Fjord’s reaction to leaving Yasha behind one of the most tragic, in my view. He’s lost a friend, but he’s also lost just that much more hope, or faith in the idea that one day someone might love and accept him without eventually turning on him

(Also as far as “whys” and “how could yous” go—I personally missed it during the stream, but I’ve seen at least a couple people point out that Fjord did ask Yasha “Why” when she attacked him. But by the time the group was talking about it as a whole, he had definitively settled on “she betrayed us, how could I have missed this. His emotional breakdown over her betrayal was small, and silent.)

#critical role #c2e69 #cr meta #fjord #sometimes this is a fjord meta blog #also this is so not what you asked for when you added those tags but boy did i get carried away with thoughts and feels

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kartoon12 · 4 years

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What Does God Need with a Space Station?

Okay guys, this is probably going to sound like the weirdest post I've ever made, as this is a subject I don't talk about too often---that being dreams. Most of the time, I don't remember having any, or I'm able to recall tiny snippets here and there, with the rest disappearing into a fog. There's really only a handful of very long, very vivid dreams I can remember having, and all of them were wacky, but mostly funny thinking back on them. And they almost always involve fandoms in some way. If anyone's interested in hearing more about those, feel free to message me. (The one where me and the bridge crew of Star Trek: TNG were trying to escape a hospital with Captain Picard yelling at everyone because we were making him late for a party is a particularly fun one.)

However....just a few nights ago, I had a dream that....REALLY takes the cake, which is putting it mildly. This is one time I really felt the need to make this public, as I seriously, really want to try and see if anyone out there can help me analyze this, as this dream contained subject matter I've almost NEVER dreamt about before, and certainly not to an intensity and specifically detailed degree such as this. I wouldn't call it a nightmare, but neither was it fun. It was spooky...but more for the oddity and sheer level of "what the f**k?!" -ness to it.

I also feel the need to open with a disclaimer: I was raised in a Catholic household, and though I haven't attended a mass in quite some time, I still at least say my prayers every night. But I have friends of many different sections of faith; I totally respect other people's religious beliefs, and I'm not trying to force mine on anyone here. I try to keep my mind open to other interpretations of "what lies beyond" and such. Why this disclaimer? Well, you're about to find out. Strap in, folks. This is gonna' get lengthy....

So the dream opened in third person view, as though I were watching a movie. Somewhere in the middle of outer space, two giant robots are just sort of hovering there, fighting with each other. (I'm talking like mecha in the style of Transformers or Gundam or the like.) It's also worth mentioning that this whole opening section of the dream was presented like a cartoon. (The art style of "My Life as a Teenage Robot" is the closest I can get to describing what it looked like.) One mecha was an orange/red color, the other was blue and white. Note that I said they were fighting WITH each other, not attacking one another. That's because the "camera" (for lack of a better word) then shifted to show this HUGE spaceship off in the distance, slowly making its way towards a space station. (But not like, a realistic NASA space station or anything---this looked all sci-fi/future-y like something out of Star Trek.) The Star Destroyer from Star Wars is the closest I can get to describing what this starship looked like in terms of size and scope. Although it wasn't outright firing lasers or anything, in dream-world, my mind already knew the backstory that that Star Destroyer thing was on its way to attack the space station.

So naturally, red and blue robot have been sent out to stop the thing. Except the two of them were bickering amongst each other, arguing over the best course of action. Blue Robot keeps insisting they have to work together; Red Robot won't listen to reason and thinks his plans are better. Finally, Blue Robot gives up trying to argue and flies off to fight the Star Destroyer thing alone. A voice over the radio (probably someone back at the station) pleads with the two to work together and that Blue Robot doesn't stand a chance and can't do it alone. Blue Robot responds with, "Well I'm gonna' have to try." And disappears into the distance.

Considering my love for movies and comics and stuff, so far, this is par the course for dreams I've had in the past. But THIS is where things take a turn for the truly bizarre.

The "movie" then cut to inside the space station (very futuristic and high tech looking. All white walls, furniture and equipment. Very slick and clean looking.). Everything's now in first person view, so obviously from my viewpoint now. There's a guy frantically typing at a control panel (I'm assuming he's the one communicating with the robots.) All sorts of alarms are blaring and going off. The entire station is shaking and vibrating as it starts coming under attack. I think to myself, "I gotta' get out of here!" So I race to the nearest automatic doors and have to pry them with both my hands just to get them to slide open.

The second I crossed the doorway, everything stopped being an animated cartoon, and from here on out, for the rest of the dream, everything is now normal/live action/real world. I started running all through the station trying to find help, until eventually, I hit upon an idea. I kid you not, the only thought that came to me at that point was, "....I have to find God."

Yes. You heard me. "I have to find God." Hang in there. It only gets freakier.

So I head off, trying to find anyone who can help me look for God, as by this point, He's the only one who can get us out of this mess. Couple important things to note here:

1.) Despite being on a space station, none of the people aboard are in any sort of discernible uniform. Everyone I encounter is wearing normal clothes like jeans and T-shirts and stuff (save for one person, but we'll get to HER in a second....)

2.) The deeper I go into the station, and the farther I get away from that docking bay area I started off in, the less the station shakes, and the alarms gradually get quieter, until eventually, the attacks stop completely.

And 3.) A large portion of the crew (or passengers?) I initially come across are all Chinese (or of some Asian descent thereof). Whether this station was built or funded by China, I don't know.

In any case, no one seems to be able to speak English, and no one seems to be scared or bothered, or even aware of what's going on outside. But they can tell I need help, so they point in the direction of this lady that I'm assuming is the leader or figurehead of some sort. I assume so, because she's the only one dressed differently from everyone else.....and she's dressed like something out of the Feudal Era. A geisha, I think they call it. A red robe with gold flower patterns. Hair done up in a bun. Face painted white. Red lipstick. The works. Queen Amidala look, ya' know?

Of course, dream-me doesn't question this at all, and I plead with her to take me to where God is. I then started repeating the phrase, "you know?! Heart, mind, soul?!" to her, over and over again. During which, I'd point to my heart, then my head, then trace a circle in the air with both index fingers for emphasis, hoping she'd get what I was asking her. Please note that in real life, I have NO clue what Chinese religion or mythology entails, nor have I ever studied it, and I'm 100% sure what I just described is completely wrong and total bulls**t. But apparently, this is how it worked in dream world, and apparently, I knew just the right sign language to make, because Geisha Lady finally got a look of understanding on her face, smiled and nodded, and said something in her own language that gave off the message of "oh, okay. I'll take you to Him."

So she takes me by the arm, motions for me to follow her, and I let her lead me through the rest of the space station. All the alarms and chaos from earlier has totally stopped by this point. Her dress/kimono thing is so tightly wrapped around her that she had to take fast little baby steps, and you'd think with her penguin-walking it would've taken forever, but it actually took no time at all to get where we were going. During which, I look around, and notice that, at that point, the hallways of the station started looking more and more like the isles of a department store. She weaves me through rows and rows of shelves stacked with all sorts of stuff. Some shelves are full, others have some stuff but were clearly picked through, and some shelves are completely empty.

At long last, Geisha Lady shows me into a large waiting room of sorts, bowing and sweeping her arm out as if saying, "well, here we are." I look around, and there's a long line of people all waiting to get into an adjoining room where God is. Only then do I finally start seeing other races of people besides the Chinese from earlier. Black, Hispanic, Japanese, White---a mixture of all sorts from seemingly all over the world are in line. And every single person has some kind of item in hand. Books, potted plants, a wooden spoon and whisk (guess that person liked cooking?); any kind of knick-knacks you can think of. (Which I guess sort of explains the department store place from earlier and why stuff was missing.) I then walked past the line and peeked into the adjoining room to see what everyone was waiting for, and.....

Well.....um.....I found God.

The room was a very plain looking bedroom, with beige-colored walls, a queen-sized bed, and a single nightstand, but nothing else, not even a lamp, which would explain why the room was so dimly lit, with the only available light coming in from the doorway. I took a step closer to try and better see the....well....'being' occupying the bed. Or pair of beings I guess I should say (more on that in a second). At the foot of the bed was, what appeared to be, a Hispanic man in his 20s or 30s, with short scruffy black hair and tanned skin, and wearing nothing but a plain, white T-shirt....because he had no legs. His body ended at the torso, and he was propped up with a ton of pillows so he could see the visitors better. More pillows were situated on the floor for the people to kneel on, and at that moment, a lady and her kid were kneeling in front of Him, and everyone was speaking in super hushed tones, so I couldn't really hear what they were talking about. Though, every so often, I'd hear the amputee guy (that I'm assuming was God) speaking in a calm, reassuring tone, saying things like, "Don't worry. You're going to be okay. Everything'll be fine." And so on. No stereotypical big booming voice or anything like that.

But I probably wasn't paying much attention to what they were saying because I was then focused more on the OTHER being occupying the rest of the bed. Lying at the top of the bed, directly behind the Hispanic guy, was another humanoid shape cut off at the torso. I say humanoid because this....thing....was more hidden in the shadows due to its position in the room. I could make out a head, neck, arms, hands, and chest....but no discernible clothes. It was more like....a dark blob that took the rough shape of a human....and it had no face. Or maybe it did, but....anytime I tried to look directly at it, its head seemed to be encased in a kind of fog, with the face area constantly shifting and blurring. If you've ever watched police or crime shows where they interview someone who wants to remain anonymous, and they blur their face out, that's basically what it looked like. And seeing this half-a-humanoid lying above the Hispanic guy, making it look like they were stacked on top of each other, almost kind of reminded me of Vishnu a bit. (The being from Hindu mythology who looks like a human with multiple arms.)

Anyway, so I'm just standing there, taking this all in, when someone who was waiting in line (can't remember if it was a guy or lady) came up next to me, and they must've saw my confusion, because they leaned in and whispered, "Every couple of years, they pick a new person to represent Him." This is the only wording I SPECIFICALLY remember, EXACTLY. Whoever the "they" is that this person was referring to, I have no clue. The robots? The Chinese? The people waiting in line? Who knows.

The person then explained a little more, and unfortunately, I can't remember the exact wording, but they basically said something like, "It's strongly recommended that you bring Him a present." Guess that would explain why everyone in line was holding stuff. Finally, this person whispered to me, "I hear that books are His favorite." And I remember thinking to myself, 'Considering this dude's got no legs and is probably stuck in bed all day, yeah, he probably needs something to do.'

And though I can't remember whether I thought it, or said it out loud, my last thought was, "Damn. I should've brought my books with me." (And if you know anything about me, I was most likely thinking of my self-published comic books.)

And that's when, quite suddenly, I woke up.

No, I'm NOT on drugs. I have NEVER taken any drugs; recreational or otherwise, nor do I drink. Thanks for asking.

So.....what in the name of all that is holy does this all mean???

Like I said in the intro, this is something that is SO far out of my wheelhouse when it comes to what I normally dream about that I felt that I HAD to put it out there somewhere. I mean, I've gotten a bare-bones taste of other religions and cultures, mostly via movies and stuff, but it's not like I'm actively studying Feudal Era China or Hindu legends all the time, nor was I reading up on any sort of material right before bed or anything. I guess what I'm getting at is that the whole religious aspect of it is what really threw me, to the point of almost feeling prophetic in a way. I had goosebumps upon waking up, and I just couldn't stop thinking about what I experienced for the rest of the day.

I've managed to come up with just a few theories, though this could totally be off base, so bare with me.

The only part I'm really sure on is the beginning part with the robots, since one was red and the other blue. And that whole part was in the style of a cartoon (while the rest of the space station was in "live action/real world"). My guess is that the robots are representing the Democratic and Republican parties, and how both of them have been reduced to blathering, cartoon caricatures who can't work together at all to fight something that's threatening everyone. (With the star destroyer as a stand in for the virus, I guess?)

Then, what's with the people lining up with gifts and the section that looks like Wal-Mart? Is this supposed to mean that society's become super greedy and materialistic, to the point of thinking we can buy favor with someone? Or bribe our way into Heaven? Then again, at least in the dream, I had little doubt that the beings in the bedroom WAS God, since He seemed like a pretty chill dude who spoke kindly and was being comforting. So maybe the gifts people were bringing were like....representations of their hobbies or something? Maybe the vibe was supposed to be more like, "Hey! Thanks for creating me, God! Here's something I made with the talents you gave me!" Like a kid showing off their macaroni art to their parent or something like that. OR, maybe it was supposed to mean something like, "In order to follow Him, you have to give up your love for material things?" I don't know.

And then there's that weirdly specific line that still haunts me. "Every couple of years, they pick a new person to represent Him." I have a feeling the humanoid blurry shape that I wasn't able to clearly see the face of was the real God, while the Hispanic guy was His avatar of sorts. Still don't know who the "they" is, though. Or was this meant to mean something along the lines of, "Society has become so focused and desperate for a savior that they're starting to see celebrities and politicians as false gods? Thinking that one guy can fix everything, when really we should be bettering our inner selves?"

"Every couple of years, they pick a new person to represent Him." I mean, with phrasing like that, and with a certain presidential election coming up.....

*sigh* I'm just going to end it here before I start opening up a whole other can of worms. Thanks to anyone and everyone who stuck with this all the way to the end. The whole dream actually felt like it lasted all of ten minutes---it just took me a bit to explain all the details is all. I haven't had any similar dreams since. But still.....if anyone out there can help me interpret this thing, I'd love to hear from you, as I have the biggest gut feeling this all means SOMETHING important. I just don't know quite what. But if this IS a premonition of some kind, I just hope to God it's a good one.

#dreams #dream interpretation #someone please help me with this #what the hell does this mean?

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