#i have SO MANY thoughts about neil/robin/andrew

[icebergscrashingtogeather-10]

I watched a video about aftg and I really enjoyed it. Especially how she talks about Nora’s writing and retconing as ‘Fuck it’ and I couldn’t agree more.

I’ll link the video at the end of the post. I just wanted to exspected my thoughts about it in relation to the fans.

Nora’s ‘Fuck it’ attitude i think also has shaped fan culture around the series. Like the fans have head cannoned the hell out of the original books. And from fan to fan it is slightly different but there are many head-cannons that are popular with a large portion of the fandom. Like Renee being lesbian, or Neil and Andrew do get married and move on from their trauma.

Which are all things that nora has said no to in the retcons. But like it isn’t in the books so it has less canonization to it.

But then we will turn around and love some of the retcons, Robin and the cats are ones that come to mind right off the bat.

And then there are the genius fix’s I have read. Like I think because the series is so unique and unusual in the writing style it the characters lend themselves well to AUs and to putting them in really cool stories.

I mean I think some of the most heart wrenching and beautiful five I have ever read have come out of the aftg fandom (passive_phantom moonix and St Josten I am looking at you)

I think the fans of aftg more than any other fandom that I have been apart of play as fast and loose with the canon as the aftg fandom does. Like even info we get in the books, not often, but sometimes gets manipulated or changed. This is kind of in a fix-it-fic way but not really because we sometimes don’t fix plot issues with the canon.

#idk if this makes sense #I just word vomited #nora sakavic #tfc #fan fix #canon #aftg #neil josten #Andrew Minyard #E's two cents

[purpleshadow-star]

What about an AFTG Stranger Things AU fic????? 🤔

I've thought about this!!! I mentioned it before here.

I think most people who have thought about this see Andrew as Mike and Neil as El, but I ship Byler so, in my version, Neil is Mike and Andrew is Will, because Andrew deserves to be the magical one in more fics (also it just fits better). Also I think I'd age up the characters. I think Andrew and Neil would be highschool freshmen, and Nicky would be the oldest as a Junior.

I have a whole outline written for a Stranger Things aftg au that hopefully I'll get around to actually making into a fic.

But as for characters...

The party would be Neil, Andrew, Matt and Renee. Andrew and Neil have known each other since Kindergarten, then Matt and Renee followed, although they are a bit older ( Renee and Matt are a year older). When Andrew goes missing, they'd find Kevin, who has just escaped Tetsuji and the Lab. Neil lives with Stuart, who adopted him when he was young. Before Neil though, Stuart adopted Katelyn as a baby, so Katelyn and Neil are step cousins (and the same age), but they're as close as siblings (a little distant at first, but as more supernatural stuff happens to them, they grow closer). Andrew, Aaron and Nicky, were all adopted by Abby Winfield. Andrew, Aaron and Nicky are all very close with each other and with Abby, who saved them all from abusive houses. Aaron and Katelyn don't really interact with the party too much, but they'll get to know everyone, and each other, more as everything happens. Nicky works to try to help Abby (who's raising three kids on her own) and he's kind of a loner. Abby kinda goes crazy when Andrew disappears and she goes to Chief Wymack, who she used to know, but they're not super close anymore (for now). During their search, they'd accidentally find out more about Kevin, and they'd find out that he's Keighley's kid (Wymack's old girlfriend). Robin would be Matt's adopted little sister, but she wouldn't really get involved until much later.

Eventually Dan would move to town and immediately Matt would be taken with her. Wymack would also take in Kevin, keeping him safe until he can work something out with the government. A few months later, Nicky would go to work at the mall, then Allison (a year younger than him) comes in as his coworker. When Renee goes to them for help, Allison seems to like her very, very much.

Much, much later, Andrew’s family moves away. After almost a year, Neil goes and visits and meets Erik, Nicky's friend (and maybe, eventually, more) from community college. Erik works at a pizza place and drives them all around in the company van.

Bonus: Betsy, Bee, Ms. Dobson, is a teacher at school and they're all very close with her. At the beginning, Katelyn's friend Marissa goes missing as well. She doesn't make it, but her parents don't know that, so they hire a man named Rhemann to find her. Later on, Renee meets a guy named Jean at a summer camp and brings back a radio to talk with him. He's super smart too.

I think this au would be interesting because the aftg characters are a bit more rough around the edges than the Stranger Things characters. They've already been through traumatizing stuff, so I'd love to play around with how they'd react to these supernatural situations.

Alright, I'm sure you weren't expecting this long of an answer, but I got excited. I definitely have many more ideas for this au though.

Thanks for the ask!

#my asks #all for the game #aftg #andrew minyard #neil josten #andreil #purpleshadow's fics #aftg au #the foxes

[themanbehindthecurtains]

I think I’m going to do write ups on books I’ve read and give my thoughts, both as a reader and as a person aspiring to be a writer myself. In the last few years I’ve really begun to read a lot again, which I think is owing to my depression getting better and feeling more clear headed and able to sit down and appreciate a novel without getting the ADHD wiggles.

I have a few to review from the last year that I’ve read:

Shadow and Bone Trilogy by Leigh Bardugo

Six of Crows Duology Leigh Bardugo

The Fascinators by Andrew Eliopulos

A Marvellous Light Freya Marske

The Codex Alera series by Jim Butcher

The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman

I do have a list as well of currently reading/to read:

Misborn by Brandon Sanderson (currently reading)

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (I am horribly late to the game there)

The Rivers of London Series by Ben Aaronovitch 

King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo

Assassin’s Apprentice by Robin Hobb 

The Trap by Melanie Raabe

Leviathan Wakes by James S. A. Corey

One For the Money by Janet Evanovich

The Seven Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton

... And honestly so many more, like Juniper and Thorn and The Wolf and the Woodsman, and to try out some books by Ruth Ware.

I also have some of my favourite books/series I might touch on to ramble about, eventually.

#behind the curtains #book review #book list

[skunked-up-kicks]

I’ve noticed you ship Neil with a lot of people, not just Andrew. I’m also someone who when I’m obsessed with a character I tend to imagine a lot of different potential dynamics in different au’s and multi-ship even when I love the canon romance, so when I see someone else do that I’m always really interested by how they think about it. Could you list all the pairings you like involving Neil and like why/how you enjoy them, can even be by degree (if you want I get if it’s a weird ask lol)

i adore you for sending this anon, fair warning: this is likely gonna be long! i would also like to clarify: NEIL IS DEMISEXUAL❗❗i think he would need to develop a very strong relationship with these people before becoming interested.

neil/andrew: this ones obvious- the mutual understanding? the respect? the communication? the trust? the honesty? both being weirdos? the keys? love that shit. they are without a doubt my all time favourite couple and likely always will be. not to go on forever about these two.. but seriously, one major factor is just how.. accepting of the other they are. especially neil towards andrew who is very misunderstood and judged by many of the other characters consistently. they are the picture of unconditional love to me. that and also the fact that they are very unconventional all just makes me so happy. 🧡 (i would like to add: also, in love with the concept of queerplatonic andreil. and raven!neil x andrew is FUCKING SUPREME)

neil/robin: she's neil's best friend and nora said they do absolutely everything together, attached at the hip. she said the bond between them is unbreakable. and honestly? i see some similarities between crossten and andreil in those aspects. neil sticks up for her when the other foxes bully her. wymack says he is a worse influence on her than andrew ever was lmao. unlike andrew, i think robin would be more open to pda, i still don't think they would kiss in front of people cuz thats just my personal taste but i think they hug A LOT. and i think robin after games will often run and jump into neil's arms 🥺 they are my second favourite ship and i honestly imagine neil dating both robin and andrew at the same time. i've spent way too much time thinking about a poly relationship between the 3 of them.

neil/dan/matt: admittedly i like the neil/dan side of things more than the neil/matt side but i still think they would make a good couple. dan and matt seem to care very deeply for neil (and for each other, and he feels the same way about them) they are so supportive and i think they could really bring out a lot in him.

stay with me on this one okay, neil/seth: ok, i read the ec about how seth and neil used to be close and how seth wears neil's original jersey number and my heart just,, ugh it hurt ok. i've read a few fics where they are friends and i've just fallen in love with their dynamic. i think they have the potential to rlly help each other develop.

neil/allison: you know how everyone talks about the potential of allison and andrew being good friends? because they are so similar?? that's why i love neil and allison together, cuz those ppl arent too far off the mark. further more, neil and allison friendship fics are SO popular. she will literally kiss him, link arms, sit on his lap- i mean omg. they are so close in these fics to dating so i often just imagine they are. neil seems to have so much respect for her in canon and i think that's something ppl dont often give her and i love that about them. there's this one neil/andrew/allison fic that i read which was amazing so i ship that too.

neil/jean: this is much more limited to raven!neil aus where their dynamic is much more interesting and more explored. the fact they would be partners and grow up together... it just... i love it. the fic that really sold me on them is Black As Is The Raven, He'll Get A Partner. (sorry if i remembered that incorrectly) spoiler alert: they don't get together, it's an andreil fic BUT their relationship in it is so fleshed out and its beautiful. canon jean and canon neil i'm much less interested in tbh.

further on from that: in the same fic, theres these ocs called meg and marley and I LOVE THEM. they get recruited to the ravens and are harassed by many of them so neil makes a deal with riko so he (and jean) can be the ones to train them so the others leave them alone. and the dynamic between the entire group, meg, marley, jean and neil is amazing. i ship all of them together i'm ngl.

those are all the ones i can think of rn. just an extra note: any ship that doesn't involve andrew its guaranteed that i imagine neil dating andrew at the same time as he is dating the ppl in the ship.

#i have SO MANY thoughts about neil/robin/andrew #my head is full of them. #also. anon. my beloved. thank you so much for this ask! i wanna hear about what u ship!!! im glad im not the only one who acts like this #andreil is still superior ofc 😌😌 which is why neil MUST be with andrew no matter the context for me #aftg #ask #mine #i actually have more neil x ppl ships oop- #i like him with jack too 😳😳🥴 enemies to rivals to lovers who? #and if im being perfectly honest i kinda like him with nicky too.. my only issue is that i dont want neil dating nicky and andrew at the #same time. cuz thats a bit off for me #uhm.. neil x marrisa too.... #thou ive thought less about them. i dont think it would be a permanent thing... idk? #occasionally. neil x ichirou will pop into my head.. they could rule the mf mafia together bitch. #some fics make them good friends and im like 👀 #if anyone else ships any of these uuh lemme know so im not alone :')

[jingerhead]

omfg I need pieces of The 28th Time, Here There Be Dragons, Memory of Me, and Ghost Soulmates. That's literally as narrowed down as I could get this list rip.

Hi lovely!! Thanks for asking, here's a couple of crumbs :)

Ask me about my WIPs!

The 28th Time - (This one is like very angsty, not necessarily this piece but this whole thingy)

"It's cold," Neil whispered, shivering under his coat. "We can go to my place."

"Why," Andrew mumbled. Not a question, just a word.

Neil already knew why. He'd figured it out 10 loops ago - if he left Andrew alone tonight, they wouldn't see each other again. He couldn't let that happen, because on the 25th try, he managed to save Andrew through the whole loop. He couldn't fail anymore - Neil couldn't watch his friends die again.

"It's warmer," Neil said, sniffing and wiping at his eyes. "And I have hot chocolate."

Andrew hesitated, not even shivering in the cold at Neil's side. He was sure that wasn't a good thing, but thankfully Andrew didn't require more pushing. He nodded, his breaths visible in the cold air, and then turned to follow Neil out of the park, and onto the sidewalk. Neil took off his gloves and offered them, noticing how red Andrew's hands were, and then helped put them on his numb fingers.

"Three packets in yours," Neil said, trying to smile through his shivers. "That's the only way it tastes the best.

"You don't drink hot chocolate," Andrew said, narrowing his eyes.

"Lucky guess," Neil decided. Fuck, he thought, I need to start remembering what I haven't said, yet. Andrew had said that to him on the 25th try, and it had randomly popped into Neil's head because he'd heard it since then. He was close, he knew it, he'd just have to figure out what was really happening.

As they walked down the road, Neil happened to glance to his right, stopping when he saw a dark car drive down the street. The only reason he saw it was because of the streetlamps - it didn't have its lights on. Neil felt nothing but unease when he saw it, trying to remember if he'd ever seen that on any other loop.

"Neil?" Andrew asked, stopping as well. "What?" he asked, much more seriously.

"Nothing," Neil decided, starting to lead the way again.

Here There Be Dragons -

"It's loud," Neil said, taking a step closer to Andrew. "Since when were there so many of you?"

"People?" Andrew asked.

"Yeah. You're everywhere."

Andrew shrugged, continuing to walk down the market square. There were some kids wearing dragon masks and robes playing games through the streets that got in their way, something that definitely surprised Neil. He didn't look comfortable in his human skin, shoulders hunched up and a permeant frown on his face while they walked, staring at every person dressed for the festival.

"How many people were around in your time?" Andrew asked.

"Not this many," Neil said, shuddering. "What's everyone wearing?"

"Costumes," Andrew explained. "They're getting ready for the festival. It's to honor the dragons."

"Oh," Neil mumbled, stopping at Andrew's side. He was staring at a stall selling dragon masks, probably looking at the one that was supposed to be modeled after Naerved - well, Neil - that was beautifully made. It was dark red, had horns tipped black, and painted white teeth along the edge.

"Want it?" Andrew asked, taking a step towards the stall.

"It's weird," Neil whispered.

"It is," Andrew agreed. "It'll be even weirder to see the legend reenactment. Let's hurry so we can get good seats."

Memory of Me -

"He's down there," Robin said, pointing towards the fence. "That's a restricted area. Neil, there's no way we can get in."

Neil looked at the height of the fence, thinking to himself for a moment. "I can get in," he said.

"They have to be covered in repellent. You can't climb it."

She was right. Neil could smell it from here, and already could feel the phantom pain of climbing a fence just like this in the past. It had surprised him that time, so he couldn't finish climbing the fence. Now, though, Neil pulled the sleeves to his sweater down enough so that they covered his hands.

"If I don't go in there, people are going to die," Neil whispered to Robin.

"I know you want to save them," Robin whispered back, a scared look in her eyes, "but they won't thank you, Neil. They're going to kill you."

Neil shrugged, heading towards the fence. "He's too dangerous to be left alive, Robin."

He could hear her quickly get to her feet from behind him. "What about finding that one - ?" Robin began, cutting herself off.

Neil glanced over his shoulder. "Who knows if they're alive," he said. "I'm being realistic, Robin. I've searched, and now there's this. What's more important? Saving people who are alive, or trying to find someone that could be dead?"

"Neil," Robin said sternly. "That's where you..."

Where he'd woken up. Where he'd suddenly come to consciousness, not knowing who he was or what was going on. A deserted town filled with nothing but corpses and supplies, with only a phantom conversation left in his head.

“Don’t presume I can’t live without you. I can move on.”

Neil really hoped they could, if they were out there.

"Don't follow me," he told Robin, running towards the fence.

Ghost Soulmates -

"Leave my cats alone," Andrew told the apparition.

"I will," the ghost replied. "I'm not going to hurt you, okay? I just need you to calm down."

If he were someone else, Andrew might've laughed. "This isn't real," he decided, walking towards the kitchen and putting the knife in his hands back in the block on his counter. "Ghosts aren't real."

"I'm real," the ghost said, suddenly appearing on the other side of the island. Andrew hated that it made him jump.

"You're a hallucination," Andrew told it.

"I'm not," the ghost said back. "And I'm not leaving."

#aftg #aftg wip #jinger's works #andreil #andreil wip #ask me about my wips!! #i just really wanna talk about them okay #thank you for the ask lovely!

[delightfulfiresoulweasel]

DAYdreaming a Kevaaron AU

This is an Kevaaron Singer Aaron! AU I came up with from crazy brain storming and, well, ended up here so I hope it will be enjoyed as much as I enjoyed it in my head. Kevin and Aaron break up, Aaron scribbles down lyrics instead of class notes and his Med school friend notices, takes Aaron to a studio to compose the music and create songs, because its better than Aaron relapsing, and one night without telling Aaron, posts the songs on Soundcloud. And what if Exy finals had half time performances like Super Bowl finals does, and they asked Aaron to perform as Kevin'’ team were in the finals. 

(I will be using songs and lyrics that does not belong to me; songs: MrLoverman, Burning, Falling, Till Forever Falls Apart, One Last Song) 

Kevin and Aaron are dating, Aaron is in med school, Kevin is a successful exy player living in Chicago. One day, while Aaron is visiting Kevin, they fight over something very small, the argument starts getting heated, both of them bringing up the issues they have been repressing. The argument turns into a shouting match until Kevin tells Aaron that he doesn't have time for this. Aaron leaves Kevin'’ flat, books himself a flight ticket on his way to the airport and calls his friend, Jason, to come pick him up. 

They don't talk for a month. Neither of them text or call each other. They don't tell any of the Foxes about the breakup either. But it becomes obvious when Aaron doesn't show up to Kevin'’ game that is in his city.

Aaron used to go to every single one of Kevin'’ games when it was in his city, fly over to the most important ones as support. 

The reporters and sport commenters loved Aaron. He would sometimes join Kevin in his post game interviews, Kevin'’ arm wrapped around his shoulders. The fans also waited for the pre-game kiss that became a ritual for the couple. Kevin climbing the bleachers as Aaron draped himself over the railing to reach Kevin'’ mouth, for a good luck kiss. After the game, the photo would circulate all through twitter, fan accounts making a collage of the gathered photos. 

So when Aaron did not show up to Kevin'’ game that was in his city, the Foxes knew. Aaron'’ phone was blowing up with messages even before the game started. He wasn't at the stadium but he was watching it on TV at home. 

He had many texts from Nicky, asking to know if Kevin and him were broken up.  Matt, Dan, Renee, Allison, Robin and Katelyn were all equally concerned. 

Andrew called him, he picked it up. "What did he do?" "Nothing." Aaron had said. "Nothing?" Andrew had huffed. "Leave it, we broke up but I still love him, no one is to blame." Aaron had said before he hung up. 

He was disconnected in classes, too busy scribbling down words swimming in his head than concentrating in his classes. Jason, his new found friend, which was a foreign concept to Aaron, had noticed. Taking one glance at Aaron'’ notebook, he had realised that these were potential song lyrics. He had an idea. 

Aaron was not happy being dragged by his sleeve by Jason. They were stood in front of a beat-up studio. 

"I have no idea why we are here" he had said. Jason had smiled. 

Sitting on the piano, Jason snatched Aaron'’ notebook from his book. He knew a friend, who knew a friend that owned a studio. Jason had thought it would be good for Aaron if he sang his heart out. He knew Aaron was a good singer from the few times they went to Karaoke together. 

They had spent the whole night at the studio, composing a melody to Aaron'’ first song. 

I am MrLoverman, and I miss my lover man. 

Jason could hear the hurt in Aaron'’ voice, voice cracking, the shaky breathing when he was too close to tears, the tremble in his hands and the distance in his eyes as he was lost in thought, thinking of better times. 

The second song was harder than the first. It was filled with more emotions and truth. It was a pleading, a cry for a voice to be heard. Openly stating that he wanted his lover back. The sweet melody of Aaron'’ voice making the song both a weapon that created a wound in your heart and the balm that licked to wound closed. 

Oh, have you ever called I will burst straight back Give you my forgiveness And the shirt off my back

Jason had asked one night between recording sessions, the studio was their new stop place now. After every class they would rush to the studio, some musicians that were there just to jam had heard Aaron'’ voice, they were captured by it. Aaron was the Nine Muses ( yes all nine of them) and the audience was mesmerised.  He asked if he were to ever release an album that had these songs in it, what Aaron would name it. 

After a pause, Aaron answered between laughing fits that he would name it DAYdreaming, get it, Kevin Day and he was dreaming of him 24/7. Jason laughed but thought it would be a great marketing name. 

As Aaron wrote, the songs were getting more and more detailed and personal, they were all the words he couldn't speak before. 

Forget what I said It's not what I meant And I can't take it back

He had not meant to say half of the things he had said to Kevin a month ago, looking back, he knew they were simple things that could have been solved if they had just spoke, if Aaron had just been brave enough to start the conversation.

But he had been too scared, scare that he would lose Kevin over something so simple, so he avoided the topics, and at the end, he still lost him. 

Aaron had hated California, the place full of memories of his mother, a torturous life Andrew had endured, the missed years both of them could have had as brothers. But Kevin had changed that, the memories were still there but now, accompanied by happy ones Kevin had created for him. 

If the tide takes California I’m so glad I got to hold ya

They had stood on the beach, wrapped in each others arms, looking at the horizon as the sun set, Kevin whispering future plans for the both of them into Aaron'’ ear. Aaron had smiled to all of them, some ridiculous, some too good to be true ideas, but he did not mind, because in all of them, Kevin and Aaron were stood together. 

And if the sky falls from heaven above Oh I know I had the best time falling into love

All of these studio sessions, all of these songs, they were all for Kevin, for over a month, he had dedicated all his time to create the perfect songs that reflected his truest feelings about Kevin, his regrets, his cries for lost love. He loved Kevin, and it did not scare him anymore, his love for Kevin.

Maybe one day I won't sing about you

But he did, he always would, did not matter if Kevin resented him or welcomed him with open arms, he would sing about Kevin for the rest of his life like a broken vinyl.

I know you don't want to talk to me So this is what I will do Maybe you're listening So here's one last song for you

He knew he would never post these songs anywhere, or send them to Kevin, but he had hoped deep down in his chest that somehow these lyrics would be carried out to Kevin. 

They eventually run out of lyrics and music to combine, Aaron knew he had to leave this behind him. His true love, buried away in his make shift song lyrics. He closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep with something missing inside him. Jason did not

That night, he uploaded their album, DAYdreaming by Aaron Minyard and the medics ( get it, med students) on SoundCloud. He had watched Aaron crumble under the loss of Kevin, voice booming into the microphone as if he was calling out to Kevin, hoping his voice reached his ears. Jason hoped someone, a fan, might discover it, and the album got carried out to Kevin. 

What he did not expect was the insane success. Aaron had an angelic voice, now the whole world knew. They were listening to his heartbreak over and over again, tagging Kevin, asking what had happened, millions were relating to Aaron, crying to his hurt, his story, his voice. 

Aaron however was fuming mad, he could have strangled Jason. The Foxes were blowing his phone up, agencies calling him to sing a contract with him, many gig and concert offers. 

He accepted a few small radio'’ interview proposals, with Jason by his side, explaining that he had written those songs only for himself, and his nosy friend had went out of his way to leak them online. 

But the rush did not die, in fact, it only got bigger as Exy finals game was approaching. Kevin'’ team was against Andrew and Neil'’ team. The match alone would have created a big deal, but now with the breakup and the album drama, all eyes were on how Aaron'’ twin would react to Kevin on court. 

Aaron did not want to Foxes taking sides, he had said it to all of them personally, texted in the group chat where Kevin could see, mentioned it in interviews. They were a family, and Kevin'’ and his break up should not mess their hard found family. 

The finals were a big event all on its own, but it got even fired up when Aaron was offered to perform in the half time show. Aaron was shocked, Jason was delighted. He said yes, and Aaron, feeling prideful from the support his songs were getting, said yes as well. 

Andrew was not pleased, Neil was very much amused, and he could imagine that Kevin was fuming. 

Aaron was shaking with nerves on the finals day. Nicky had flown from Germany as support to both Andrew and Aaron. All the Foxes were lined up in VIP seats, but no one was there for the big game and all of them knew it. 

Aaron briefly made eye contact with Kevin right before the game. Kevin was flexing his broken hand, a nervous habit he had, meeting Aaron'’ eyes, he stopped. Aaron smiled at him, a warm, gentle smile. Kevin'’ hand relaxed, he smiled back. 

The first half of the game passed as a blur for Aaron, he was having a hard time focusing on the players and the game as time got closer to half time whistle. Jason was stood right next to him, Nicky'’ hand a grounding presence on his shoulder. Eric was there too, he hugged Aaron tight before he got on stage, in front of millions. 

Aaron did not do this, he was not a singer, he was supposed to focus on his classes and stay out of drama. Not perform for the whole world to see. 

The songs were lined up from less painful to more painful ones, ending with One Last Song.

Under the blinding lights, Aaron could not see anyone else but the microphone in front of him. He sang, with all his heart, he sang. The crowd was wild, screaming his every word back to him. Aaron had never felt this kind of ecstasy, not with drugs, not on Exy court. This was all him. 

The last song, was the hardest to sing, after singing all his heartbreaking songs one after other, laying all his hurt, truth, mistakes and regrets in front of millions, he was emotional for the last song. 

Maybe one day I won't sing about you I'll sing a song about someone new But right here, right now You are on my mind And I think about you all the time I'm sending a message to you And I'm hoping that it will get through

Oh, the message was getting through all right, the person that needed to hear this was standing right on this court, Aaron'’ insides made a move, as if he was going to throw up. He closed his eyes. The part that hurt him most was approaching.

In case you hear this Then know you're the love of my life Want to tell you I'm sorry I miss having you by my side When you were mine

He was getting chocked up, the tears burning, no longer able to contain them behind his closed eyes, he opened them, momentarily blinded by the stage lights. 

He did not see the person climbing up the platform, he did not hear anything over his own heart beating. 

When it was good it was bitterswe...

He was cut short, strong hands holding his shoulders, turning him around, he was facing Kevin. His hair slicked back with sweet, cheeks glistened with tears. 

Aaron knew his was also covered in sweat, tears running down his cheeks. Kevin cupped his face in his strong hands, Aaron leaned into the touch. 

Kevin bent down, closing the distance between them and kissing Aaron, heavy and bruising, too possessive, too longingly. Aaron smiled into the kiss, messing it up, but he did not mind. He wrapped his arms around Kevin'’ neck and kissed back just as hard. 

The crowd was screaming, Jason was whooping from where he was on the stage but none of it mattered, Aaron'’ world was Kevin and Kevin only. 

#all for the game #aaron minyard #kevin day #kevaaron #all for the game imagines #aftg #aftg textpost #kevaaron supremacy #singer au #AU

[ghost-in-the-stalls]

Neil Josten's Playlist Part 1: Andrew

Masterpost and link to the playlist in its entirety

These songs are going to be the biggest chunk of the playlist. Are we surprised?

Okay here we go:

1. Take Me To Church - Hozier

I was not joking about Neil being a Hozier fan. You cannot tell me this boy doesn’t hear this song on the radio and immediately think of Andrew. Every time it came on he’d make sure the radio stayed on the station so he could listen all the way through. It got overplayed but he’s probably the only person in the world who never got sick of it at the time. He got used to listening to the same songs over and over again with his mom, so he's even comforted by repeating songs now.

5. Stay - Rihanna & Mikky Ekko

So one night, after several nightmares within the span of a few hours, Neil wasn’t too proud to admit that he absolutely wasn’t going to get any decent sleep that night. Andrew took him on a long drive without even having to be asked. The silence was shoving Neil even further into his thoughts, so Andrew turned on the radio. He settled on a station that was playing softer music that Neil probably wouldn’t hate, and he just kept driving. Once this song came on, Neil became enamored with it. It’s another one of those songs that makes him think of Andrew, but it’s more because he listens to the lyrics and realizes Andrew has said half of these things to him. It’s now a song that, even years later when he and Andrew are living in separate states and desperately trying to land contracts with the same team, Neil listens to on bad nights.

6. River - Bishop Briggs

Listen... this is just another really solid Andreil song.......... and I’m absolutely positive this is a song that Neil would like. Let me have this.

For Neil everything with Andrew is simultaneously loud and quiet and intense and gentle and hard and soft. He’s never known someone to make him feel so much yet calm him down from panic to nothing so smoothly. Even their intimacy holds so much complexity and weight to it. This is a song I feel like Andrew introduced him to, because it absolutely makes him think of Neil too (not that he'd say that out loud).

8. Dreams - The Cranberries

Renee likes the Cranberries and she got Andrew into them too. Andrew pretends this song doesn’t make him think about Neil but no one is actually fooled by that when they catch him listening to it. Least of all Neil because he feels the same thing listening to the lyrics. Not much explanation past that. Neil vibes with this song right from the opening lyrics (”Oh, my life is changing every day in every possible way”), to the comparison of a lover to a dream (he still remembers when Andrew called him a pipedream, even if he didn’t understand at the time), to the vocal breaks in the middle and at the end where it just sounds like someone singing their soul right out of their body.

Neil is a private person and not someone to ever scream his love from rooftops. But that doesn’t mean the concept doesn’t hit him deep. He’s been through a lot and he’s come out the other end with a love of his own that’s deeper and more than anything he ever imagined. His lack of expressing passion about most things (Andrew) doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel incredibly passionate about certain things in a way that cuts deep. He found love and it’s incredible

12. Easily - Bruno Major

I've mentioned this previously, but I hc that Andrew and Neil almost broke up in Neil’s last year at Palmetto. Not going to get into it, but this song had a big part in pulling Neil through that whole year, ESPECIALLY the situation with Andrew. Maybe I’ll make a separate, more detailed post about that sometime. But basically I hc that neither of them were in good spots emotionally. And Andrew was very close to giving up on everything - including Neil.

They managed to pull through and stop one another from giving up on it all, even when things got really hard.

15. Sunlight - Hozier

No I’m not done with the Hozier songs. Did I say I was done with the Hozier songs? Not gonna happen.

Anyway so the story of this song is he was talking with Allison and Nicky once about music and their SOs (well he was listening more than talking but he wasn’t ignoring them), and Nicky outright asked him if there was a song that made him think of Andrew. He’d heard this one for the first time recently and it was just the most recent of many songs that make him think of Andrew, so he threw it out there to humor them. They hadn’t heard it but were very doubtful that any song titled “Sunlight” could have anything to do with Andrew at all, so he showed it to them. They didn’t really change their minds and instead Allison went on another tirade about how Neil is gone for Andrew in a way that Andrew couldn’t possibly be for him and how she was worried for him. Nicky stood up for his cousin a bit, but ultimately was still agreeing with Allison to a degree that Neil may be expecting more than what Andrew could give him blah, blah, blah.

Neil wasn’t happy. Instead he found himself latching onto this song even further and becoming even more assured that it was a song for Andrew. Just because the others refused to understand who Andrew really is and the ways he’s learning to grow and heal and the fact that he’s someone worth loving god dammit, doesn’t mean Andrew is the monster they make him out to be.

For a while afterwards, he’ll put this song on if he’s ever given the aux cord. Because he’s petty. If Andrew catches on to what he’s trying to do, he never says anything.

19. Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men

This is definitely a song that makes Neil think of Andrew, though he'd never tell him that. They have both played both parts in this song, and it makes Neil's heart ache to think of all the bad nights that they weren't there for one another - whether it was distance or stubbornness or just general shitty circumstance. They both can get so trapped in their own heads in different (and sometimes similar) ways, and they're relationship has really been built in a lot of ways on the depth of emotional support they've learned to give one another in rough times. That steadiness, that presence that stays by you and keeps you grounded even when you want to crawl out of your own skin and hide somewhere far away. That is what they give one another.

24. Day After Day - Badfinger

This is another one he used to listen to with his mother, but he didn't really latch onto it until his final year at Palmetto when he and Andrew were doing long-distance. He learned in that year just how sentimental he had become in some ways. He finds it in the bone-deep longing he gets on late nights when he just wishes he could lie in bed next to Andrew - because he knew that's when he sleeps best. He'd listen to this song and let himself wallow for a little while, and then eventually put it away and carry on because he didn't have the time to slow down and feel things too hard.

Things are much better now and he doesn't feel as bad when he listens to the song. It's just a pleasant sound he leans into sometimes.

26. Don't Dream It's Over - Crowded House

This is another one that he first heard from his mother, but kept for himself without allowing it to be stained with her memory. It is one of those ones he listened to a great deal during his last year when things with Andrew got hard. He committed himself to not letting him go or breaking off what they had unless Andrew ever directly asked him to. He couldn't find it in himself to ever do that.

This song reminds him of that commitment and helps him stay strong with it, for better or worse. Everyone was convinced from the beginning that either Neil was bad for Andrew (Aaron) or Andrew was bad for Neil (everyone else except Renee and Nicky basically). This reminds him that he knows Andrew better. He knows HIMSELF better. He knows they aren't perfect, but he refuses to let himself fall into their blocked mentality where they choose to be blind to the reality of Andrew's character (or his own for that matter). He knows they are good together. He knows they help one another, they don't hold each other back. And he refuses to give up on them unless Andrew asks him to.

28. How Deep Is Your Love - The Bird and The Bee

This is another final-year-at-Palmetto one. He stumbles across this song while listening to one of Robin's playlists while he was driving her to practice. Listen to the lyrics and hear just how Andreil this song is. It fits so well, and Neil has to pull over and collect himself for a moment when he first hears it. It had been an especially rough week and he'd been struggling trying to balance giving Andrew space and support with communicating his own needs. This gives him the push he needs. He calls him later that night to talk and their time apart starts getting a bit more bearable for it.

29. TALK ME DOWN - Troye Sivan

This was Andrew's song that made him think of Neil. In every way. He found it while they were doing long distance. Neil first heard it on a midnight drive they took while he was visiting Andrew. They didn't say anything, but they didn't need to. Neil eventually asked him why he listens to this one when his taste is usually much louder stuff. He was expecting a stoically-delivered joke denying any potential relation to Neil or a comment about how Nicky got it stuck in his head or something while they were video chatting one weekend. Instead, Andrew just responded "You know why."

Neil stored the song away to listen to later on when they were once again sleeping in separate beds in separate states, knowing Andrew was probably listening to it as well.

38. Talking Bird - Death Cab for Cutie

Neil doesn't know why this song makes him emotional (yes he does). He doesn't know what it is about it that feels like it cuts so deep (it's because Andrew sent it to him). He doesn't get why Andrew showed it to him (it's because Andrew asked him to stay, but would never force him to if he ever did decide to run). He just listens and feels comforted.

44. I'm so Tired - Lauv & Troye Sivan

This is another one Neil found when he and Andrew were doing long distance. It was a bit of a rocky time for them and there were several of those make-or-break moments. You know, the kind any relationship has where you either pull through it together and are stronger for it, or end things where they are and go your separate ways. I imagine - during a particularly rough patch - Neil heard this song from one of his underclassmen roommates. He was thinking about Andrew (when is he not) and part of him wondered if Andrew was better off finding guys in bars to take home and have no connection to. It was a spiteful moment of self-pity that he let himself indulge in before coming to his senses and giving Andrew a call to smooth things over a bit.

He still listens back to the song sometimes. It has a nice, soft, smooth feeling to it. Now when he listens to it, he finds himself focusing more on the singer asking their lover to take them home so they can move forward because they're too tired to fight. He remembers how, when he and Andrew have reached that point, they've continuously chosen to fall back to one another instead of pulling away. It's a very comforting thought for him.

45. NFWMB - Hozier

I don't even know if I have to explain this one.

There are a lot of things that Andrew and Neil see in one another, but I think one major thing is how strong they both are in their own ways. Neither of them are someone you want to fuck with. This song is perfect for that.

And, once again I will say, Neil is a Hozier fan and I'll die on this hill.

50. It Will Come Back - Hozier

Another Hozier song look at that

Anyway this is song encapsulates exactly how Andrew feels about Neil repeatedly choosing Andrew (at least, how he feels about it in the beginning of their relationship). And Neil isn't blind to this at all. What he also isn't blind to (but that he knows Andrew forgets sometimes) is how Neil is also the stray Andrew showed too much kindness. Andrew is as stuck with Neil as Neil is making himself stuck with Andrew.

51. Love Lies - Khalid & Normani

If asked why he likes this song, he'd say it's because Matt showed it to him and it reminds him of Matt and Dan's inspiring relationship. There are very few people he'd admit the truth to.

Something about the song feels too typical and approachable to admit applying to him and Andrew. They don't have a "normal" relationship and there are a lot of norms they don't stick to. Neither of them are ashamed of that in any capacity (as they absolutely shouldn't be), and ultimately it just feels very strange to them both to consider what's between them as being on the same level of what other's have. Not necessarily in a better-worse context, more just an acknowledgment of stark differences.

But I think Neil also experiences a certain level of comfort when he catches himself relating to other "normal" people. So when he finds himself thinking of Andrew when he hears this song, he's not going to ignore that or let it go. He may, however, keep it to himself for a while. It just feels nice to do that.

72. 99 Luftballons - Nena

As a general rule, Neil doesn't like loud music. This one is an exception (though "loud" may be a bit of a stretch here) because he once got to hear Andrew singing along to it in the car late at night.

Andrew does that sometimes, sings along to songs when it's just him and Neil. It's never with a great deal of gusto or volume, more so just a soft mumble on a late night drive to ground them both. This song came on on a particularly rough night, but by the end of it Andrew was singing along louder than he ever did. Still not saying much, but it was a noticeable change to Neil.

Neil knows he was allowed to see something special that night - Andrew allowing himself to let out something he was feeling. Neil got to see Andrew in what amounts to a moment of vulnerability for him. It means the world to him.

74. Gooey - Glass Animals

This song makes Neil feel the way Andrew makes him feel. There's no other way to describe it. When it's just the two of them and they have moments of quiet intimacy, there's a specific feeling Neil starts getting - float-y but secure. Like he'd drift away if it weren't for an invisible string Andrew was holding.

If Andrew caught Neil humming this song one night as he fell asleep, unaware, he kept quiet about it.

75. Turn - The Wombats

This song Neil keeps because it's one Andrew specifically sent him. He didn't give an explanation, just "for your playlist, rabbit".

#aftg #my writing #neil josten #andrew minyard #andreil

[sadboyayeron]

AFTG Avatar AU

So i’ve been watching Avatar and I’ve thought a lot about an AU where Neil is the Avatar.

Neil was born as a water bender but his father was basically one of the most powerful fire benders the fire nation next to the fire lord aka the moriyamas. Who knew how to bend his fire like knives.

Neils mother who is also a water bender ran away with him once she found out he was the next avatar to a village full of non-benders but filled with warriors and different types of artist. (He’s 16 y/o)

He learns how to use swords (on some zuko level blue sprit type energy).

His fathers crew ends up finding them and killing his mom (the smell of fire/burning flesh)

He already mastered water bending and one day he knows he will have to learn fire bending but he vows to never use fire that day unless he needs to.

While running away he ends up on the lion turtle. He doesn’t remember how he got there but he must of entered the Avatar state. There he learns how to bend energy, the ability to bend another person's life energy by predating the four main bending arts, the formation of the four nations, as well as the creation of the Avatar.

He then ends up in the Earth kindom. He finds Andrew (17y/o) in a earth bending comption and instantly knows he must learn how to Earthbend from him.

Andrew is reluctant at frist but he realizes this might just be interesting.

Neil learns that Andrews mother tilda had past away (due to reasons). She gave up Andrew and kept Andrews twin Aaron. Tilda was not a bender and abused her son who was. She didn’t allow him to use his bending.

Andrew was kept in a fire nation camp before he figured out on his own to metal bend and ran away at a young age when he found out he had a brother.

He learned how to actually earthbend from the Bagemoles. When he found his brother he taught him how to bend also, though Aaron still had troubles because of his mothers abuse.

After tildas death Nicky (20 y/o) found them before his father could and took them in.

His father is a very rich man who abandoned his sister and was a control freak (toxic parents). They hid together but the twins took turns fighting to get some money for food. Nicky worked in a underground club.

Nicky is not a bender but he has been learning some fighting skills from Andrew who learned them from studying the way fire benders faught (in a way he knows the techniques of fire bending and made his own earth bending skills, including Aaron.)

The cousins were found by Wymack (similar fighter to Iroh) a traitor Fire bender who takes in runaways and kids who need a second chance. They call them selfs Foxes.

He meets Besty or Bee as he calls her, she teaches them all how to calm there mind, teaching them breathing techniques and making delicious hot chocolate or tea. Her teacherings help all them in many ways.

Can’t forget Abby who is a healer, she studied different earth remedies and has perfect water bending healing.

Andrew meets Renee (19 y/o) who is exceptional at throwing stilettos, she learned while being a bandit in the Fire nation. Stilettos are small knives and spring-loaded stiletto holsters concealed in her robes, she is capable of besting numerous benders at once, despite not being a bender herself.

Andrew learns from her how to uses smaller blades in a similar fashion hidden in arm sleeves. He can even throw them using matel bending.

Matt (18y/o) isn’t a bender but he grew up in Kyoshi Village. The worriers such as his mother where women but he learned many skills from her, his father who lives in the Earth Kindom was against her teachings and forces Matt to learn how to survive in the desert. His mother found out and found Matt with sand benders who taught him a different way of fighting. He also was hallucinating the whole time, from one to many cactuses.

Allison (19 y/o) is from the nourthern Water tribe and was considered royalty. She was forbidden to learn water bending and studied healing. Her parents where going to have her Masries off. She went against the rules and water bended and then was banished from the tribe.

Dan (19 y/o) is from the southern water trabe but was taken to prision in the fire kingdom. There she learned how to dance with the water and the skill of blood bending.

Seth (20y/o) is a non-bender from the fire nation. His mother was a fire bender and his father was not. His father was a drunk who kept trying to have kids that were fire benders but non of them seemed to be. So he fourced them into intense training that wouldn’t even do much for non benders. Till Seths brother a year younger then him unknowingly bended fire that burned there father. Seths father then beat his brother to death.

Kevin (18 y/o) only joined resently thanks to Andrew who found him wondering starving in the middle of nowhere with two badly burnt hands. Kevin was from the fire nation and was training with Riko a firebending prodigy and is one of the few living firebenders capable of summoning lightning.

Kevin though was proving to be better then Riko who was slowly going insane and was abused by us uncle

Kevin even found a way to deflect Rikos lighting. Riko brunt Kevin’s hands while he was distracted in anger.

Kevin was taken in by the Fire lords brother who trained the fire nations army, after his mother passed in battle.

Before Kevin rannaway making himself a traitor he found out about who is father was and went on a journey searching for him.

Neil is taken in by this crew of misfits.

Andrew Teaches Neil Earth bending and in exchange Neil shows Andrew what he can do with his swords and Knifes. They continue to exchange truths and learn more and more about each other.

Aaron joins there training a lot and Neil notices how Aaron tends to hold back so he shares his truth about his mother not allowing him to learn other bending techniques and only telling him he’s the Avatar the day she died in his arms.

Aaron takes this in and tells Neil his story, hearing Aaron tell his story fills in details Andrew didn’t know or told. They both take a better understanding of each other.

Neil, Matt, and Renee help Nicky with his fighting skills. All learning from each other and passing it on to the others.

Kevin learns how to fire bend again. While he’s healing he teaches Neil how to bend fire. With the help of Seth and Andrew who both had studied it.

Dan is able to teaches Neil Blood bending but Neil and her both vow to only using is when it comes to trastic measures.

He try to hide it from Andrew but tells him when they become more intimate because he wants him to know he would never use it on him. A promise.

While Kevin heals, Wymack teaches Neil and Kevin techniques no other fire bender would know.

Wymack is able to teach kevin how to breathe fire and better learn how to redirect lighting and even go as far as learning how to absorb it making your fire stronger when reflecting it back.

Neil learns these techniques and even figures out how to bend lighting.

The only problem is learning how to Air bend.

The group not including Wymack, Abby and Bee, have to find the Air nomads temple that was said to be resorted by the fire nation. At least that’s what was said.

On the journey Neil gets drown to a direction where they find a flying bison in side a crave. There they find a Little girl named Robin (14 y/o). They find out she is a Air bending who was trapped somehow and survived somehow for so long.

They take her in and she teaches Neil Air bending. She was never wasable to get the aarows but she had scrolls filled with Air bending techniques. They were able to learn them together.

I was really bored and wrote this, I still need to finish rewatching Avatar 😂!

I’m pretty sure people made an AU about this, I saw art on instagram but haven’t been able to find the fics or art. Drop them in the comments for me if you can please!

#all for the game #aftg #aaron minyard #the foxhole court #tfh #andrew minyard #tfhc #kevin day #david wymack #abby winfield #besty dobsion #danielle wilds #dan wilds #Matthew boyd #matt boyd #seth gordon #neil josten #neil the avatar #avatar: au #aftg avatar au #aftg promt #aftg au #allison reynolds #nicky hemmick

[whatmack]

IF ITS NOT TOO MUCH CAN U JUST UNLAOD EVERY SMALL DETAIL OF FLANDERS FIELDS TY

YOU’RE A GEM FOR INDULGING ME my hangover just hit so lemme find my notebook and flip back thru these illegible notes (my handwriting is. bad)

SPOILERS FOLLOW -Singing Bob was originally Singing Jim, until I hit on the idea of making them be Robin Cross -there were a lot of different versions of Neil’s “finding device”-- unsurprisingly, there was a strong innovative interest during WWI in finding people underground. One I fell particularly enamoured with involved sticking long metal tubes through the ground-- but I had to bow to my own inability to figure out how the FUCK neil would manage to do that, by himself, without people knowing. The history of radar and radar-like tech is fascinating. It really was just on this edge of-- we barely know what the fuck is going on so maybe this will work? Will this help? A lot of the ideas/attempts go back further then people realize. -I wrote a couple versions of the kashrut scene with Abby and Andrew; food is such an important cultural and social thing, and I really wanted to have this discussion about how choosing to be civilized, whatever that means to you, can be a powerful tool in places where civilization is breaking down--- i wanted to build that using food, and family, for Andrew. One of the versions almost made it into the final cut, I really liked it; it involved Abby being gifted a chicken by the gentleman who she trades for eggs, but having to dispose of it because the chicken was already dead when she found it. The differences-- and some of the similarities-- between kosher slaughter and what’s being done to the soldiers in the war-- that was a great puzzle to play with. Unfortunately I just couldn’t fit the scene into the narrative in a way that didn’t seem clunky, but I like to think it happened anyway.

-I pulled a lot of stuff about aaron’s shellshock from the collection “War Neuroses: Netley Hospital, 1917-1918.” It’s.....a difficult watch. The specific thing we call “shellshock” from WWI is not completely the same as what we think of as combat PTSD today; there’s actually debate about to what extent WWI shellshock should be thought of in the same category as PTSD, or if there are some parts of it that should be in a different heading. Like, well, basically everything else in biology, the human-applied taxonomic systems are flawed. -I cannot tell you how much research I did into the wines Kevin would find in that cellar and how they would taste before I realized that this fic’s Andrew wouldn’t fucking know from fancy wines either. Ah, editing -the fic ends in March because I hadn’t done enough with Jeremy Knox to feel worthy of a crack at Bloody April. There would have had to be a lot of extra development added, and I did want some cohesion in the story -I’ve said this in tags before, but Allison and Renee met at a “ladies lookin for ladies” tea parlour. Queer history is Neat -the rather obliquely described sculpture andrew makes out of tubing and medical glassware is.....a giant dick. Classy, man. -Mary and Neil did run away from Nathan, like in canon-- a couple times actually. Because unlike in canon, Nathan dragged them back. Neil....still doesn’t know if Mary’s alive, but it’s likely that she’s not. -Andrew likes to say that Les Miserables is better in English, just to piss Jean off. I swear I tried to fit this in somewhere on-page

-I switched the poetry opener for Part I (Dulce et Decorum Est) with the poetry opener for Part III (Break Of Day In The Trenches) back and forth a bunch. Ultimately I decided that while the subject matter fit them with Break Of Day first and Dulce later, the way they are now is a better representation of Andrew’s emotional arc. Also, Dulce is a fucking powerhouse of a poem, and starts the fic off on the note I wanted right out of the gate (I didn’t realize so many people had been forced to read it in school! But I can see why, whoof).

#i keep randomly remembering stuff #fic: in flanders fields #alcohol // #Anonymous

[nekojitachan]

For the ask meme thing, circus au, with marriage proposals or braiding/brushing hair. (Although I am parshal to a non angsty "it's not you, it my enemies, because, well its *Neil*)

*******

Last one!

Ha, this turned out more like an actual story?

Hmm… well, the last one had braiding hair in it so….

Very brief references to violence and a tiny bit of gore (not explicit), fair warning.

*******

Andrew is content as is possible for him (or so he thinks), traveling with the Foxes’ Court circus; he has his brother and cousin with him, the others know to leave him and his alone, it’s a different city every week or so, and it’s the safest he’s been in his life.

He helps set up and tear down the tents as well as handle any customers who get out of hand, while Aaron assists Abby, the crew’s healer, and Nicky helps draw in the crowds. They each have a job they do well, have found a place in Wymack’s ragtag crew of Foxes.

And then the bleeding heart bastard had to go and hire a new animal tamer.

Neil Josten arrived with a bag strapped to his back, two large felines (a black panther and a mountain lion) and such a strong aura of danger that set Andrew’s nerves on edge at mere sight of the young man.

Nicky said it was just his hormones reacting to a major hottie and nearly got stabbed.

The majority of the Foxes were their usual idiot selves and fawned over their newest recruit, desperate to get Neil to reveal something about himself, but not Andrew. He noticed how Neil was careful to never let any real details about his past slip, how his black hair had an odd sheen to it at times, how the dark strands normally fell onto his (too attractive) face to hide his (too pretty) pale blue eyes, and how he never went without his costume’s mask when the circus was open to paying customers.

How well he treated his overgrown pets (Sir and King, what ridiculous names) and put up with a prattling, attention-starved Nicky.

There was a lot of downtime when the circus wasn’t putting on a show, so Andrew took to hanging out around Neil (normally found with his cats when not dragged off by Matt or Allison). At first Neil ignored him, but when the mountain lion (Sir) showed an interest in Andrew (surprisingly not to eat him), Neil enlisted Andrew’s help with the oversized furballs.

While he pitched in to clean their enclosures, feed them and (safely) play with them, Andrew and Neil exchanged a few simple truths – Andrew being fostered out while an infant, Neil traveling around with his mother, who taught him how to raise and train the cats, various likes and dislikes. He pondered how to get to the real truths (who the hell are you?) when there started to be little ‘accidents’ around the circus.

Accidents like rigging coming loose, one of Dan’s horses escaping its stall, Robin realizing that the safety net for the trapeze act wasn’t set up properly….

Odd how it all started after Neil joined.

Odd how Neil grew withdrawn and took to walking around at night with his cats.

Andrew ‘allowed’ his coworker his space at first; after they set up in Binghamton, he snuck out one night to follow Neil and the cats at a distance, only to watch them run between the tents where Bee read cards and Abby sold her potions. There was an odd sound similar to a choked-off cry, which made Andrew curse and burst into a run himself, visions of Neil being harmed in his head as he rounded the corner to find….

To find King mauling some stranger while Sir batted around… something that had once been attached to said stranger. Andrew gulped then scowled at Neil, who was poking around in a leather bag, and felt a return of that ‘danger’ sense when the bastard smiled at him.

He ended up helping to bury a mauled body that night.

Still, unwanted exertion aside, it helped to break the rest of the ice with Neil, who apologized while shoveling and told Andrew that it wasn’t him making Neil so standoffish, but his enemies. It seemed that he and his mother had really been on the run all those years from his powerful and abusive father, and she’d trained the cats to protect Neil.

She’d managed to kill his father a couple years ago (and died in the process), but some of his people were still after Neil – not many, but some. So he continued to run and hide, and picked them off one by one when they came after him. He’d seen the advert for the circus and, tired of running, thought why not try something new?

After that, things changed between Andrew and Neil (funny what burying a body together could do to a relationship). Andrew told Neil more about his childhood (about the abusive foster homes – not everything, but Neil was smart and figured things out after a while, especially after the ‘please’ truth), spent more time together until Sir allowed Andrew to groom him and feed him by hand.

Until Andrew dared to ask Neil ‘yes or no’ and be told ‘yes’, and discover that Neil could be as careful with him, as mindful of boundaries with him as he was with the damn cats.

The Foxes Court traveled around the country and put on show after show, and every couple months Andrew had to help bury a body (he didn’t understand why Neil didn’t let the damn furballs eat everything, and was told it wasn’t good for them – well, being up half the night burying a pile of shredded human wasn’t good for him… at least Neil made up for it during the rest of the night).

It was during their show outside of Belmonte when the Malcolms struck – the last two loyal followers of Neil’s father. Neil had gone to check on the cats one more time before bed, when Andrew heard a faint knock on the door.

It turned out to be Renee, who’d noticed something ‘odd’ while on her way back from returning something to Dan, and so she’d come to Andrew. Suspecting what that ‘odd’ was, Andrew slipped free a knife and went in search of his wayward boyfriend. Renee, who hadn’t always been the darling of the trapeze (more like the terror of the slums back when she’d been Natalie Shields), quickly followed.

The Malcolms had Neil trapped between them, right outside of the cats’ enclosure; he had managed to fend them off until then, not exactly defenseless without his cats to back him up.

Andrew and Renee were more than adequate substitutes for the furballs.

Renee, the bitch, left without helping to bury the bodies.

Neil was in a bit of a daze for the next few days as it sunk in that with the Malcolms dead, he should finally be free of pursuit from his father’s people. Andrew waited on tenterhooks to see if he’d leave the circus and settle down somewhere, and when a week passed finally worked up the nerve to do something.

He marched into the cats’ enclosure where Neil was grooming King and stood in front of his boyfriend. At first he tried to ignore Sir, who leaned against him and demanded that his ears be rubbed, but it was difficult to do that with such a large cat so he obliged while glaring at Neil and asking the gorgeous idiot to move in with him.

To share the same caravan.

Neil might have only been with the circus for about a year, but he knew what it meant when a couple officially shared the same caravan; he gaped at Andrew for several seconds before he stuttered out if Andrew was sure, if it was a joke or not – and got yanked forward.

Andrew said he was not joking, and asked ‘yes or no’. After a slight pause, Neil smiled, a truly beautiful sight to behold, and said ‘yes’ before he leaned in for a kiss, one which Andrew savored right up until they both went down beneath the weight of two overgrown, purring furballs.

*******

Ah, I had fun with these.

#nekojitachanfics #fantasy mashup prompt #aftg #andreil #neil josten #andrew minyard #circus au #sir and king! #sorta #proposal! #renee walker #courting your loved one through the burial of bodies #mumbling into the void #i think we all can agree that i have issues #but that's fine because these boys have issues too

[sunflower-and-storms]

Read or not: Books Hauled 2020 Edition

Hello gentlefriends! Today I thought that we could go through the books that I hauled this year. In 2020, I discovered a second hand shop for book in English (remember that I live in Portugal) and I was so happy to find cheap books in English. The rest of my books are bought in Fnac (a mostly technology store that also sells books) and from Book Depository, and later after discovering their ties to Amazon, Blackwells. After the cut is a list of the all the books, if you have the patience or are just curious. I wished I didn’t have to buy this many books but my library system is not great, doesn’t have books in English and if it does it’s not books I like. But I’m glad to find so many great second hand books, photo below, since it’s such a eco friendly way to get books.

So... time for statistics! In 2020, I hauled 65 books. 46% for them were read and 54% were not. Of the books hauled, 6% were unhauled. Of the books read, 24% were 5 stars. I hauled approximately 5 books per month. And lastly the unread books hauled this year fill 80% on my TBR.

And now: The List 

Bivar Second Hand Book Store (22 books): Me, Earl and The Dying Girl by Jesse Andrews; The Fifth Season & The Obelisk Gate by N.K. Jemisin; Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman; Albatross by Terry Fallis; We Should All be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie; The Art of Saying No by Damon Zahariades; Give the Dark My Love by Beth Revis; The Secret History by Donna Tart; The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller; Orlando & To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf; Midnight Summer Dream, The Winter Tale & Much Ado about Nothing by William Shakespeare; Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte; Hard Boiled Wonderland and The End of the World by Haruko Murakami; A Deadly Education by Naomi Novik; Russian Literature: A Very Brief Introduction by Catriona Kelly; Dictionary of Kings and Queens of Britain by John Cannon & Ann Hargreaves; Jack of Hearts (and other Parts) by L.C Rosen.

Fnac (11 books): Life Class by Pat Barker; The ABC’s of LGBT+ by Ashley Mardell; ACOTAR, ACOMAF, ACOWAR, ACOFAS & Crescent City by Sarah J. Maas; Heartstopper volume 3 by Alice Oseman; The Binding by Bridget Collins; The Master and Margarita by Mihkail Bulgakov; Tess of the D’Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy.

Book Depository (18 books): The Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson; Crier’s War by Nina Varela; Kingsbane by Claire Legrand; Beyond the Black Door by A. M. Strickland; The Dream Thieves by Maggie Stiefvater; The Library of the Unwritten by A. J. Hackwith; The Wallflower Wager by Tessa Dare; Bringing Down the Duke by Evie Dunmore; Sourdough by Robin Sloan; Loveless by Alice Oseman; Anne’s House of Dreams, Anne of the Ingleside & Rilla of Ingleside by L. M. Montgomery; Throne of Glass, Crown of Midnight, Heir of Fire, The Assassin’s Blade & Queen of Shadows by Sarah J. Maas.

Blackwells (6 books): The Duchess Deal by Tessa Dare; FENCE Rivals volume 4 by C.S. Pacat and Joana The Mad; Girl, Woman and Other by Bernadine Evaristo; A Rogue of One’s Own by Evie Dunmore; Iron Heart by Nina Varela; A Lady’s Guide to Mischief and Mayhem by Manda Collins.

Livraria Barata (2 books): Histórias Extraordinárias by Edgar Allen Poe; Embalando a minha biblioteca by Alberto Manguel.

Lisbon Book Fair 2020 (various shops- 3 books): Ariadnis by Josh Martin; Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid; Conjure Women by Afia Atakora.

Berthrand (1 book): The Kingdom of Back by Marie Lu.

Kingpin Books (comic book store- 1 book): Your name volume 1 by Makoto Shinkai.

Cult (stationary store- 1 book): A livraria noite e dia do senhor Penumbra by Robin Sloan.

Livraria Almedina (1 book): O Último Mugido by Germano Almeida.

#booklr #books hauled #2020 reading #book stats #book haul #books #second hand

[bloodydamnit]

(1/5) hey! so I had smth that im a little nervous/scared to say, in regards to rr season 2? ive been debating mentioning it, & I dont know how to word it exactly, because I ADORE everything yall are doing, dont get me wrong. I ADORE robin, I love how yall are developing her: however, some of the elements feel like homeschooler stereotypes? which may not be the intention, im sure its not, but like,,

Hey there! First of all, thank you so much for sending this message. There’s no reason to be nervous or scared! We really appreciate messages like this. It helps us further develop ourselves in addition to our characters and helps us think about things outside of our own experiences. So this is really really great. 

With that being said, it absolutely was not our intent and while I completely understand where you’re coming from, all the things we’ve used to describe Robin has kind of been in the absence of thinking about her being homeschooled? To be honest, I don’t even really think we thought of much of her homeschooling, besides the fact that she was, why she was, and who took the time to teach her. I dont know if you’re a part of the discord, but last night Robin spoke a bit more about herself in the chat. And there, she said she grew up in the Bronx, NYC. Our point of homeschooling her wasn’t only because it was the only viable option we saw? Considering she did lose 6 years and catching her up would be somewhat of an impossibility, especially since she lost so much of her formative education, but because her venturing out into the Bronx, alone, as a kid with others, wouldn’t have been conducive to her learning or growth. Especially with the few resources the Bronx gave in their area, Robin’s family’s monetary status, and the utter neglect NYC provides to particularly children of color, children of color from underprivileged backgrounds, and in her case a child of color who was so far behind with such a wrought and traumatic past. 

Okay that was a lot. I’m just trying to explain why we had her homeschooled in the first place. As for the stereotypes, Im really sorry it came off that way. It was in absolutely no way our intent. Molding her to the character she is was more based on her parents being overprotective (sometimes justifiably so) rather than anything that could be placed on homeschooling. That includes her not being around many kids, not knowing how to interact in social circles, etc. On the note of her not being around many kids, I don’t know if you’re familiar with the Bronx or Brooklyn, or east Harlem specifically (since everything is becoming so gentrified), but a lot of kids end up being sent out to private schools further in the city so they don’t get caught in the neglection of public schools (by the city) in their neighborhoods. That also includes the prevalence of gangs and other ‘negative’ influences that take hold in the black community in particular. One example I can give is Spiderman into the Spiderverse lol. That’s just something recent that I know most people have seen and can go ‘ooohhhhh’. Same thing with “The Hate U Give” and a shit ton of other movies. It was more of her parents being overprotective in her community due to what happened to her and wanting to keep an eye, rather than our stereotypical view of homeschooled people (I’m friends with many!)

As for Robin’s way of speaking, I completely get how that can be seen as a stereotype. Honestly, we made her that way because 1) we had to separate her typing from the others. Andrew’s very grammatically correct, Neil’s fairly short, Seth uses all lower cases, Allison types how she speaks, Renee is very polite, and Dan is fairly assertive. We had to find something to separate Robin from the group. And what we chose is that her sentence structure may not be perfect in the sense that a lot of her sentences are run-ons and she lacks commas. 2) We chose her lack of cursing more for her own moral code than anything. Her way of speaking is something she can control. How she voluntarily comes off to people is under her control. And after growing up in the Bronx, being a mixed black kid, having a traumatic story, a lot of people will look down upon her and expect the worse. We wanted Robin to sort of rise from the ashes, so to speak. We wanted her to know exactly how she comes off to people and how she can ‘be taken seriously’ in the white pockets she needs to be in order to get her story out. We sort of see it as a very long, committed, code switch. Especially since for so many years, she wasn’t. Hence why she came to Neil and Andrew in the first place. 

I’m sorry that this is so long and if this is confusing or doesnt make any sense!!! It really wasn’t our intent and I’m not trying to clean up and save our ass or anything. I just wanted to explain why we chose to make Robin the way we did and honestly, it was in the complete absence of homeschooling. But I totally see how it can come off that way and I’m sorry! We’ll be more cognizant of it in the future for sure. Perhaps not in changing her character because we feel really strongly about why we’ve made her the way we have, but most certainly in explaining OUR motives throughout the story, etc. Maybe we’ll even have a talk in the story with a character about stereotypes like that. If we choose that, I would love to talk to you more to make sure we get it right!

Again, thank you so much for this. It really helps us become more aware and we appreciate it a lot. Sorry for blabbing for so long!!! And thank you for the support. It means a lot and if we ever do something to make you uncomfortable, please let us know so we can either rectify or change it or at least become more aware!

-BloodyDamnit

#red rabbits pod #rrp #robin cross #aftg #Anonymous

[luvbug724]

woaah original anon here !! wanted to jump in and say (both in response to other anon and ur post) i def think the 4 years neil spent w the foxes wouldve helped him w that urge to run but if other anon sees this im rlly interested in knowing why they think the foxes/andrew leaving would be the trigger for him to run? i feel like hed want to hold on tighter but if u see this anon pls share *___* and in regards to graduation i feel like having the upperclassmen graduate would help neil+andrew be a

bit more prepared for their eventual separation.. they have an idea of what neil will feel bc the other foxes mean a lot to neil too. i imagine theyd have to adjust to communicating long distance and i do think theyll def feel each others absence but i dont see how those troubles would lead to wanting to run since theres no danger/reminder of death but ALSO i just want to say i love u pointing out that its neil calling for andrews help thats important as opposed to the 'andrew' aspect of it bc its a sign of neil learning he has ppl he Can call on for help. i def agree this would later extend to wymack and robin during his final year.. anyway sorry so many parts to this ask but ya!!!

ohoho i love what you said about how the upperclassmen graduating prepares them a little bit for long distance because i never even thought of that but i completely agree. obviously it won’t be as severe as when neil and andrew are apart but at least they’ll know (neil especially) to some extent how it’ll feel and how to stay in contact. and yes!! anon from before!! please i’d love to hear your opinion of you see this post :)

#aftg ask

[jemej3m]

the twins hug

warning for maj character death? but its sweet, i swear

*

It was raining. 

Apt, Andrew thinks. Nicky had always been something akin to sunshine, trying his best to brighten and warm every dark corner. 

He’d passed away two weeks ago, peacefully, at 89 years of age. Erik had died a few years prior. As had Neil. They’d gone in the same year, with Dan following not long after and Matt going within the same week. Wrapped around each other’s fingers, as usual. Kevin had been the most recent, his funeral only a few months ago.

Andrew still missed Neil, like he missed a limb, expecting it to be there and always coming up short when it didn’t. It was easier, now. Time had made the raw grief a little more tolerable. Family had, too. 

“Of course he wanted to be buried here,” grumbled a familiar voice. 

Andrew watched as Katelyn wheeled Aaron closer. He’d relegated himself to a wheelchair a few months ago, something that Andrew’d found rather amusing. He’d been the chainsmoker, and yet here he was, still on his feet. Being a retired pro-athlete helped. Probably. 

The remaining Foxes - the few that were left - were gathered at the old Columbia house, stood on the back porch as Nicky’s two adopted children, and Aaron’s twins, dug a small hole for Nicky’s ashes. Andrew had kept the house all this time, even though no one had lived in it since college: Once a month he’d paid someone for its upkeep, and here it stood, eighty-odd years later. Housing their remains. 

“He was always too sentimental for his own good,” Andrew agreed. 

“You’re both so maudlin,” Katelyn said, fond. She parked Aaron’s chair and kissed his cheek. Andrew missed Neil. So fucking much. “I’m going to talk to the girls.”

Robin, Renee and Allison were all there, chatting over cups of tea.

“It’s almost like Neil’s freshman year,” Aaron mused. “Watching everyone drop like flies.” 

Andrew had to snort at that. Neil would’ve laughed, too. 

“What’s it like?” Aaron asked, glancing without a shred of subtly towards Katelyn. “Outliving them.”

A double bed with too much space. Cooking for two and eating for one. Memories, vast and rich and incredible, keeping him awake. His and Neil’s platinum wedding bands, forever unworn, kept on the mantelpiece. New cats, Prince and Duke, maintaining a normal weight without Neil to sneak them treats and spoil them. Photos of the two of them growing dusty with time, the medals they’d won at each other’s sides merely a reminder of how much Andrew had come to rely on being one half of a whole. 

“It’s shit.” Andrew said honestly, watching as the urn was lowered into the ground. The kids - even though they were all adults, with their own kids - were covered in dirt and rain and sweat, and maybe a few tears. Maybe many. 

He glanced at Aaron. “But it gets easier.”

His twin hummed, slowly hoisting himself out of his chair. They’d both shrunk at the same rates, and now they were both 4′10″. They both had receding hairlines and white hair. Aaron was more wrinkled, stressed as doctors always tended to be, but Andrew had been a chainsmoker once upon a time: he’d invested in dentures about a year ago. 

“You’re not allowed to die first,” Andrew told him. “I didn’t put so much work into looking after your dumb ass just for you to die first.” 

Aaron shook his head, looking away from the scene in the garden as he grew misty-eyed. “Don’t joke about that, Andrew.” 

“We didn’t even know the other existed till we were thirteen, Aaron -” 

“Still,” Aaron argued. “I want to grieve Nicky without dreading the day you’ll pass, too.”

Andrew could sense it was soon. He didn’t know when, but it wasn’t far away. He was 83 now, which is longer than he had the right to be. A miracle, really.

He had no faith in a higher being, or religion, or any semblance of reality past this one, but distantly, he hoped he would see Neil again. He wanted to hold Neil’s hand and see him smile again. He wanted to sleep against the wall with Neil to his chest, the world a million miles away. 

He wouldn’t have to wait much longer. Which was why he reached out and put his hand on Aaron’s shoulder. 

Aaron, to his credit, didn’t make a big deal out of it. Instead he looked at Andrew and slowly reached out his own hand, quickly grasping Andrew’s upper arm. It wasn’t quite a hug, but it wasn’t not a hug, and for a moment Andrew thought about how proud Nicky would be if he saw them. And then he thought about the irony in that. 

And then he laughed, just a little. A short burst that came out of him before he could tamper it down. 

“What’s funny?” Aaron asked, drawing back from his brother to settle into his chair again. 

Andrew looked out to the garden, where it was still raining. Nicky was finally laid to rest, and the kids had circled around, heads bowed as they held onto one another. 

He just shrugged. “Don’t know.” 

Off on the horizon, the clouds began to clear. 

*

i did cry, just a little

#andreil #andrew minyard #neil josten #major character death #post canon #passing of old age #funerals #aaron minyard #twinyards #feelings #im sorry #i would rather they all be immortal too #all for the game #aftg

[adamslynches]

Happy Birthday Kevin!!!! And, Happy day 5 of Kevintines!

Read here on AO3

Kevin had explicitly asked for everyone not to make a big deal out of his birthday, so that meant that of course they had thrown him a party.

Of course, they mostly meant Andrew, Neil, Jeremy and Jean, since they seemed to be determined to make up for a decade or two of awful birthdays that Kevin had had, even if that meant going out of their way to construct the most ridiculous looking birthday party that Kevin had ever seen. There were three separate cakes on the table, with varying degrees of icing skill, and a cheap looking banner taped to the wall with ‘Happy Birthday!’ in holographic letters on it.

Kevin blinked, and then rolled his eyes as the four men all yelled the words at him, although Andrew’s tone didn’t rise above its usual volume. Then, he laughed softly and put down his bag.

“You guys are the worst.”

Neil went to sit on the stools by the counter, tugging Andrew after him, while Jean and Jeremy walked over to take turns kissing him in greeting. He put his backpack down and then let Jeremy hug against his side. “You all have class now, you know, and two of you go to a different university.”

Jeremy shrugged easily, and Jean let out a low chuckle. “And? It’s your birthday!”

Kevin opened his mouth to argue the point, before shutting it again. It was nice, having them there on his birthday. He hadn’t thought that he’d get to see them until the weekend, at least. He wondered how they had even gotten there.

As always, Andrew read his mind. “Neil and I left this morning to get them, we just got back in time to put up these shitty decorations.”

Neil elbowed him, but Kevin laughed and nodded. “Thanks.”

Friendship had come easily to Kevin since the end of his third year, and in his final year he and Andrew had finally reached a comfortable friendship for the both of them. They were both in happy relationships, both in a position to finally heal and grow away from their abusers that had tormented their earlier lives, and it showed.

Andrew nodded, and then crossed his arms. “There’s cake too.”

Kevin frowned slightly, but Andrew just rolled his eyes and corrected himself. “Carrot cake, you freak.”

Neil checked his phone then, a rare enough occurrence that it caught Kevin’s attention. After scrolling, and then typing for a couple of seconds, he looked up and slid it back into his pocket. “The rest are on their way. We didn’t want to overwhelm you, at first.”

Kevin mumbled his thanks, and then he let his boyfriends tug him to the table, where there was a neatly iced carrot cake, along with what looked like two slightly squashed Victoria sponges. There were drinks too, but Kevin didn’t fail to notice the distinct lack of alcohol. It wasn’t exactly a well kept secret that the Foxes liked to drink when they got together, and that hadn’t changed just because Kevin had been sober for the past year and a half.

“Guys, you know I don’t mind if-”

“We mind.” Jean squeezed his hand, and then poured him a glass of cordial. It reminded him of the birthdays he had had as a child with his mother, and he smiled softly at his boyfriend, who pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “You shouldn’t have to deal with people drinking around you on your birthday.”

Kevin reddened, and then nodded, letting his head fall to rest on the man’s shoulder.

It wasn’t long until the rest of the Foxes arrived, and then the party really started. To Kevin’s surprise, the entire original team had come, not just the remaining ones. Dan winked at him from across the room as she came in, her arm curled around Matt’s, and Renee and Allison came in together with a huge box between them. A couple of the newer foxes had come too, Robin and some others, but Kevin had to admit that he barely noticed them in favour of being excited to see his old teammates- his old friends.

Nicky and Aaron reached him first, and Nicky handed him a small, but heavy wrapped gift, while Aaron placed an envelope on top. Kevin eyed them both before opening them, and then widening his eyes. “Guys-”

Nicky had gotten him a little printed book of the history of Exy, while Aaron had gotten him tickets to a history exhibit in New York the following month, on Ancient Rome which was one of Kevin’s current special interests. A pleased blush reddened his cheeks again, and Nicky grinned.

“I take it you like them, then? There’s some pictures of you in there, a picture of your mom..”

He flicked it open, and sure enough there was a picture of his mom just a couple of pages in, holding a sleeping baby- him, she was holding him.

“Guys, this is too much-”

“Fuck off.” Aaron rolled his eyes and then crossed his arms, looking worryingly similar to Andrew in that moment. “You’re our friend, and it’s your last birthday before you go pro.”

Kevin swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. “Thanks, guys.”

They both nodded and then moved along, letting the others reach him to give him the presents they had gotten him. Kevin could hardly believe it- they had gotten him things before, sure, but usually timetables clashed and they couldn’t afford much. They really had pulled out all the stops, it seemed.

Allison and Renee had gotten him a shared present; new training boots, black with a white strip along the side, and some CD’s of a couple of bands that Kevin listened to- Kevin hadn’t realised that they had noticed. Dan had gotten him a book like Nicky, although this one was dedicated to the best Exy plays since the invention of the sport- Kevin was pretty familiar with most of them, but it was nice to have them all in one place. Matt had gotten him gym gear- new kettlebells, a skipping rope.

“Now you can stop stealing mine.” He grinned and then nudged him. “When you’re a big shot Exy star, remember me would you?”

Kevin huffed a laugh, and rolled his eyes. “I don’t think I could forget you all if I tried.”

“Aww, he does care about us!” Nicky grinned and then poured himself a drink. “The Grinch does have a heart.”

Kevin rolled his eyes, and then looked around at his friends. They all looked happy, talking and lounging around all over the room. Even Andrew and Neil were socialising, talking to Renee and Allison while Andrew stole glances at the cake, before sending Neil meaningful glares. Kevin almost laughed- his friends were nothing if not predictable.

“You alright, love?” Jean wrapped an arm around his waist, tugging him closer. “You’re very quiet.”

Kevin cleared his throat and then smiled warmly at him, reaching for his hand and squeezing it gently. “I’m perfect, Jean.”

Jean grinned and then pressed a kiss to his knuckles. “Yes, you are.”

Kevin blushed and leaned against him, taking another glance over the room. He couldn’t remember ever being as content on his birthday, and with such a good group of friends around him, he was looking forward to many more to come.

#kevintines #kevin day #aftg #kerejean #andreil #andrew minyard #neil josten #jeremy knox #jean moreau #foxes #happy birthday bastard man

[minyardcva]

Andrew x Neil 32?

they say that what you do on christmas day, you’ll be doing it the entire year, so i wrote about andreil on this fine christmas day. i know this was supposed to be a drabble, but i honestly don’t know how it got so long.

i think i’m in love with you and i’m terrified

The first couple of days, it was okay. It felt like Andrew’s bad days when his skin felt like crawling with the memory of his past and emotions would threaten to choke him, and Neil had to stay away.

Being separated for a couple of days but anticipating Andrew’s return knowing he’d be back soon was one thing. But Andrew being in a different city, miles and hours away from Neil, never knowing when his schedule would allow him a small visit was another and it put Neil on edge.

Many a time would he enter the bedroom with his phone in hand, wanting to show Andrew some new dumb things he found on the internet, or yell for Andrew at practice to send him the ball. At nights when he was struggling for breath, phantom hands of his father in a chokehold around his throat, and sought after the safety that is Andrew’s hand steadily gripping the back of his neck, the cold and empty side of the bed where Andrew used to sleep once again punched the air from his lungs, and he would often leave the bed and try to outrun his thoughts.

After spending years with only his mother at his back he was familiar and used to the loneliness, but the years with the Foxes lulled him into the comfort of friendship and intimacy.

The freshmen were rowdy and undisciplined and Jack and Sheena were being pains in the ass more than usual. Robin tried to help but not having the original Foxes around him, the people who helped make him a real person, started to take its toll on Neil. His already fraying patience got thinner and thinner, and scathing remarks often turned to venom spitting from his tongue.

The practices seemed to go on forever and Neil was practically buzzing with the need to leave, eager to get away and on the roof. Only could the sound of Andrew’s voice on the other side of the line stop the shaking of his hands and the rush of blood in his ears, and Neil would finally get his body to relax. They weren’t the ones for small talk, but the distance didn’t offer much but deep longing which spilled in his heart like ink, spreading through his veins and making his nerve ends tingle and twitch for a touch. He longed for Andrew’s presence, for the steady grip on the back of his neck, for the smoke tanged kisses and Andrew’s hands slowly taking him apart, but the description of Andrew’s days was the closest visualization he had.

-

Neil’s day was ruined, and it wasn’t even 2 P.M. The practice was terrible and they had only a few weeks until the championship, and he had to impress the scouting agents as to not bring Ichirou’s wrath on himself, he had a pop quiz he didn’t study for and it had started to rain on his way back from the classes. He trudged to the Fox Tower, right foot, left foot, and right again, running on autopilot and counting the days until the championship in his head. His first championship without Andrew to close down the goal, no need for a trade anymore because he would get all the kisses he wanted anyways.

When he got to his room, he threw his messenger bag in the general direction of the couch and made his way to the sink to get a glass of water. On the counter was a six pack of beers. One can was missing, and another stood open. Neil thought that his roommates were in classes and that they had drunk everything they had on their last party, but it was possible that they rushed in for a moment and left it there. Well, their bad. Neil had a shitty day and it was his beer now.

He took the open can and made his way to the bedroom. He was so lost in his thoughts; of possible academic probation because of his lousy grades, of Ichirou’s threats, of snapping Jack’s neck in half, so he only noticed it halfway to his bed. Or him. Andrew. On Neil’s bed. Neil started and quickly put aside the can so he wouldn’t spill it. It took him three times to find his voice, and even then it was much more breathless than Neil would’ve liked it.

“Andrew? What are you doing here?”

“What does it look like i’m doing?” Andrew replied, taking a sip from his can.

“But- What about your schedule? Don’t you have to practice? The championship is-”

“Look at me and ask me again if I care about the championship.”

Neil breathed out a laugh and stood in front of Andrew, who sat so that there was exactly enough space for Neil to settle down. So he did.

“Yes or no?”

“You’re dripping wet.”

Neil quickly took off his sweatshirt and dropped it on the floor. He didn’t miss the quick onceover Andrew gave him.

“Yes.”

Andrew leaned forward, expecting a kiss, but showed no surprise when Neil took his hand in his own, intertwining their fingers, and gently pressed their foreheads together.

Andrew noticed the furrow between Neil’s brows and squeezed his hand.

“Talk.”

“Talk about what?”

“Your head, Josten. Something’s messing with it.”

Neil just buried his head in Andrew’s neck and muttered something unintelligible. Andrew squeezed his fingers again, prompting him to elaborate.

Neil took a big sigh before answering. “I said that you’re messing with it.”

“Last time I checked I hit you in the stomach, not your head”, Andrew said, even though he brushed his nose softly against Neil’s cheek.

Suddenly, Neil brought his head up and the look he gave Andrew was troubled and intense. His palms were clammy and he felt blood rushing in his ears, but he managed to keep his voice steady.

“I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified. I’m terrified because all my life it’s been hit and run. All my life I’ve had to push people away. I wasn’t allowed to have feelings like this for other people. And this”, he paused for emphasis, “is the first real something I’ve ever had. I’m terrified I’ll run away and ruin it, I’m terrified that Ichirou might do something to you because of me. I don’t want anything to happen to you. I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”

Neil expected silence, expected Andrew to retreat his hand from Neil’s, and was ready to give him space, but Andrew didn’t even hesitate.

“If you were going to run away you would have done it years ago. You are not the rabbit you used to be. You buried Nathaniel back in Baltimore, remember? And Ichirou cannot do anything to hurt me. He knows you would present a bigger problem if he killed me off, and he needs you for the money. And what if he tries? What can he do? Send his henchmen? I still have my knives. Let him try.”

He put his hand on the back of Neil’s neck and brought their foreheads together again.

“You’re my personal problem, remember. I wouldn’t wish you on anyone else but a mortician.”

Neil let out a laugh at that and the ink retreated back, back, back where it would sit and wait, locked deep inside Neil’s heart. It wouldn’t really go away, couldn’t as long as Ichirou’s shadow loomed over him, but he pressed his lips against Andrew’s for the first time in months. That was mattered. They mattered. That Andrew was here, pressing bruising kisses to Neil’s lips and grounding him back to the present.

Death, like Ichirou’s threats, was the truth, but so was sunrise, a constant, like new beginnings and new moments with Andrew, and they would get through them together.

#i have a feeling this sucks so bad so i have to apologize #andreil #andrew minyard #neil josten #tfc #aftg #the foxhole court #all for the game #andreil fic #my writing