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aggressive-positivity-network · 3 years

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Do you have any autistic Scout headcanons? :P

Hell yeah!

I’ve actually thought about this a lot. A lot of people might think that Scout has ADHD, but I think he either has both ADHD and autism or just autism.

This is both because labeling Scout as having just ADHD is kind of a low-hanging fruit, and I also want to explore his symptoms a little more. So, in a word, I do, and thank you for asking about them!

*****************

Scout’s Spectrum:

So, where exactly does Scout fall on the autism spectrum?

First of all, he probably has both ADHD and autism, but wasn’t diagnosed with the latter until much later. This means that some of his symptoms were taken into account, but not all.

The ones that were paid attention to ramped up out of control, and the ones he didn’t hear about were stuffed away.

His ADHD symptoms include impulsiveness, need for stimulation, hyperfixations, forgetfulness, and insomnia; his autism symptoms include trouble with social skills, stimming, near inability to remember names and faces, lack of eye contact, hyperfixations again, and sensory processing issues, especially with noise and touch.

He used to have a lot of meltdowns when he was younger, usually about wearing new clothes and the amount of noise his eight brothers generated.

However, he was teased and pushed into masking nearly all the time, and made his whole personality about his ADHD, since that was what everyone accepted.

As he got older, he usually wrote off any autistic tendencies as either his ADHD or just “little habits” of his.

During his middle school years, he used energy drinks to bounce back from being exhausted every day after school. This would work, except those energy drinks would upset his ADHD, and would make it much harder to focus on even basic conversation.

After a while, he got such bad grades and had such a hard time making friends that Scout just stopped going to school altogether.

Baseball helped his focus, and the quick movement and thinking made a lot of sense to him. He never had to wait very long for the next development, and the instant gratification and community it provided supplemented what he never got at school.

With sports on his side, he rarely ever drank any energy drinks (the coach would never let them on the field), and he drank bucketfuls of water during every meet and game. Those teenage years were probably the healthiest he ever was.

However, with the amount of rumbles he got into with his brothers, and the turf wars that constantly raged in those neighborhoods, it was only a matter of time before his crime caught up with him.

After his first incarceration, he was booted from the team, which led to a downward spiral of unhealthy coping mechanisms - which included fighting someone tooth and nail whenever he could.

Even if he lost the fight, it not only catered to his impulsive nature and impatience, but also gave him roughly the same sense of friendship and camaraderie that baseball had.

One thing led to another, and by the time Mann Co. found him, Scout was a monster in hand to hand (and bat to bat) and had racked up quite the criminal record.

A perfect mercenary, ripe for the picking.

On The Team:

Scout very quickly adopted the “stupid, scrappy Boston boy” persona.

It was the only thing that made sense, and it kept him from having to try too hard in both the battlefield and socially.

Besides, that meant that he could be as silly, forgetful, and fidgety as he wanted, and no one would bat an eye.

And if he ever needed to take a break from the team, he figured everyone would appreciate the quiet.

The only thing that ever gave him away was him occasionally dissociating right when battle began, especially if the day had been stressful.

It was usually how he calmed down after a fight when he was young, but now he sometimes slid into that state when he was overwhelmed.

However, a yell from one of his teammates would usually snap him out of it.

Medic noticed this pretty early on, and wanted to look more into it, but Scout would keep making excuses not to get a mental examination.

He would blame it on zoning out, being tired, drinking too many Bonks - whatever it took for people to stop asking.

And, eventually, they did.

Even Medic stopped asking after a while - he couldn’t get a thing out of Scout.

This “try so little that when you do try it’s above average” charade worked for a long time. In fact, it went on for so long that Scout forgot how much he was actually capable of.

He began to internalize the stupidity, the exacerbation, the many comments on how dumb he was, everything.

The only time he ever gave his all was on the battlefield - moving fast, memorizing strategies, doing complicated footwork, knowing exactly how much force it took to crush someone’s skull with his bat.

That was one of the only things that he felt good doing, the only thing he could really work on without him being “found out.”

That and drawing, though he never showed the actual pieces to anyone. It was all stick figures and crooked lines with everyone else.

Sometimes, though, Scout wouldn’t be paying attention and he’d let something slip.

One time, Engineer was looking for his screwdriver, and couldn’t seem to find it anywhere.

Scout, not looking up from his comic, said, “Under the couch cushion, hard hat.”

Engineer bent down and reached into the couch, and his hand came back with his red and yellow striped screwdriver.

“Well I’ll be damned…”

At first Engineer thought Scout had just hid it, but Scout explained, still not paying attention:

“Last time we went out on th’ field, you had it on your belt, like always. But I was walkin’ by your workshop, you were usin’ a quarter to tighten a screw or somethin’. Your screwdriver had to be somewhere between the battlefield and your workshop. Engie, you’re like freakin’ clockwork. Every day, after a fight, you go to the kitchen, get a water, go to that couch, between the second and third cushion from the left, and sit there. Then ya go back to the fridge to get lunch and a beer, and ya go to your workshop until somebody needs you for somethin’. Your back loop in your tool belt is looser than all the others, ‘cause the screwdriver pulls against it when you sit down. The shank was probably in between the two cushions, and when you got up, it fell in. Demo, Pyro, and Heavy all sit on the second or third cushion at some point, so it got shimmied down. And since that’s the only time you sat down, ‘cause you woulda heard it if it dropped on the floor, and I…uh…”

“I’ll be damned,” Engie repeated, and felt the back tool belt loop. It was indeed loose.

Scout finally looked up, and realized what had happened.

“Uh, uh - l-lucky guess, huh Engie?”

Engineer squinted behind his goggles. “Yeah…real lucky…”

What ensued was Engie trying to get Scout to turn into a B.L.U Spy by chasing him around with his wrench. After a few good hits, though, Engineer saw that it was the teammate he knew and loved.

“But…how didja…?”

Scout threw his hand up, the other rubbing the back of his head where he’d been hit.

“I toldja Engie! Lucky guess! Jesus!”

Ever since then, Scout chose his words more carefully.

The Breakdown:

But, unfortunately, Scout could not pretend forever.

There was one week where Scout’s assignment count was so high that, if he wasn’t in a fight, he was on a mission.

Usually, Pauling wouldn’t trust him with so much, but no one else was available - or willing - to do the jobs.

Even when she was getting concerned about the amount of hours Scout was putting in, he blew it off.

“It’s no sweat, Miss Pauling! Their practically givin’ me the pay day. Those yahoos don’t know who they’re messin’ with.”

Over time, though, Scout had a harder and harder time staying focused and alert.

He’d sleep through alarms, stare off into space, zone out completely during briefing (not that he didn’t already do that), have a hard time hearing people in battle - even through his headset - ignore Spy’s taunts, and even forget to bring his bat onto the field.

Nothing seemed to help - Bonk!, warming up, stretching, cold showers, setting reminders, nothing.

And the team was starting to notice.

At first it was with the regular frustration - maybe Scout was just being lazy.

But as time went on, and his condition grew worse, their scorn turned into worry. They implored Medic to do something, but he had no way of getting through to Scout.

The doctor wasn’t above simply sedating him and dragging him into his lab for a check-up. However, he had a feeling that this was more than a physical issue.

The worst came when Scout was doing a routine battle with the B.L.U team on the field.

Everything had started out okay - he even remembered to bring his bad this time - but suddenly, everything was ear-splittingly loud.

He couldn’t focus on more than one sound at once, much less communicate the best course of action to his teammates.

He ended up hiding in a dilapidated shed, in a dusty, dark corner, somewhere between zoning out and panicking.

Scout’s head was in his knees, he was shaking, close to crying, when a sudden splitting of wood roused him.

A B.L.U Soldier had kicked his way into the shed, either having heard Scout or to hide from the other team.

Scout was stunned at first, but something of a blind terror filled him. He picked up his bat, screamed, and started pummeling the surprised Soldier.

At some point, he threw aside his bat and began to swing punch after punch, just like he did in his gang days when he had felt overwhelmed. Still screaming. Still crying.

By the time Scout had dissolved into a rocking, sobbing mess, the Soldier was long dead, with a gigantic pool of blood staining Scout’s shoes.

No one even knew where Scout was until a few hours later, when Spy heard a faint note of “Sexbomb” coming from Scout’s Walkman.

Scout had crawled into the shed’s framework, between the outer and inner wall, and was playing a specific verse over and over and over again, looking like he was on another plane of existence.

Spy immediately called for Medic, who had to lift Scout out by the underarms through a jagged hole in the side of the building. By then, the fight was over, so they could take him directly to the lab.

Medic’s Evaluation:

“I’m guessing zhis is your first mental breakdown?”

“Mental…doc, I ain’t crazy. Wait, you’re not goin’ to put me in a straight jacket, are ya?”

“If you’re not doing anyzhing later.”

Medic started to laugh, but quickly realized this might not be the time.

“No, Scout, everyvun has a mental breakdown at least vunce in their lives. It’s a…how do you say…a vake-up call of sorts. Vhen your body has no other options left.”

“Whaddya mean?”

“For zhe past few months, you health, both physical and mental, has been deteriorating. You eat less. You talk less. Your attacks are lackluster. You have bags under your eyes. You flinch vhen somevun yells for you. You stare off into space. Your routine, vhich usually has at least some changes, has become stringent, as if you can’t possibly expend any more energy into extra activities. You have avoided Demoman on zhe battlefield, even though you usually use him for cover.”

Medic flipped through his notes.

“I have pages and pages of your decline. However, as a scientist, I believe it is caused by zhe same source. And, though I usually respect my patient’s right to privacy vhen it comes to these sorts of matters, I believe you’ve been keeping something from me. Something that I should know as your general practitioner…your doctor.”

Scout shrugged, already shutting out the conversation.

Medic sighed.

“Maybe I tried to talk to you about zhis too soon. After all, you’ve just had a very sudden and exhausting episode. But…perhaps…”

Medic took a sheet of printer paper from his clipboard and a spare pen from his pocket.

“…zhere is an alternative.”

Scout was still unresponsive, but Medic continued.

“Zhere is a patient in my vaiting room vis a metal pole through the chest. It vill take me at least an hour to properly remove it, and a few minutes more to heal zhe area. Vhile I do zhat, vhy don’t you draw how you feel?”

Medic smiled.

“I know how much it grounds you.”

It wasn’t until Medic left that Scout actually picked up the pen, but he began drawing immediately.

For the first time in a while, he wasn’t trying to hide his strokes or scratch up the cleaner lines. No more stick figures. No more pretending.

Five minutes later, he was fully engrossed.

Medic started to walk in at one point, but, seeing how relaxed Scout was, decided to give him a few more minutes.

He deserved it.

#tf2 #tf2 scout #scout tf2 #tf2 headcanons #headcanon requests #tf2 mercs #autism #autistic community #autistic culture #red team #blu team #valve games

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plutoswrath · 3 years

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It's been bothering me for a while so I want your opinion on this: when pluto enters aquarius and stays in this sign for a long while, how will a scorpio venus be affected by the transit square? It got me thinking we haven't had a fixed pluto transit in around 30+ so now fixed placements will no doubt be going through immense changes right?

That's a very interesting thought (especially since you reminded me that it will oppose my natal Venus too ehhhh)! Pluto transits aren't easy to begin with, the transit in Pluto will force people to quiet literally purge their life in the area Pluto touches.

General themes of a Transit Pluto Square Venus:

-> the square of Venus to Pluto in a fixed sign will play a huge role about what believes you hold on in your connections. It will not only be challenging because when things fall apart it will be especially hard to digest for a fixed sign, but also the part of questioning the self and what kind of believe system/values one bases their connections on will be empathized. Here, what has been laying in the dark will be put to the surface, it doesn't have to be a life shattering experience, but it can definitely be a shock, especially if the individual was unaware of anything that had happened underneath the surface.

-> The emotional 'emptiness' and craving Pluto in contact with Venus can create can also be another reason that eventually urges the individual to redefine their sense of self and emotional needs in connections. They can tend to fall into extreme behaviours here and radicalize their new approaches to self, others and money, but at the end, it's really about what held them down in emotional fulfillment, anyone/anything that brings struggle to the area of harmonious connection, intimacy, creativity and money is challenging the motivation and internalized believes of the person that are hindering them.

-> Also important (especially for fixed signs!): Pluto is forcing us to surrender and accept darkness and pain for what it is. Fixed signs easily fall for the unhealthy combo of idealism and control, if they find themselves on the other side - the one of the controler, possibly manipulator and 'extremist' - then it's time to accept their flaws and any areas of pain. They'll hurt others and themselves only more in the process of keeping what is meant to be acknowledged as unhealthy and doesn't serve them anymore.

Themes of Transit Pluto in Aquarius Square Venus in Scorpio:

-> When we talk about Venus in Scorpio and Pluto in Aquarius specifically, then we would have to look at the themes of 'us vs the others' or better said 'power control'. Venus in Scorpio is all about 'you and me vs the world' and even though it doesn't have to fall into the unhealthy, obsessive/possessive connection between people, there is a tendency to hyperfocus. This hyperfixation of power in a connection, may it be as an individual or together as a couple, doesn't align with Pluto in Aquarius concept of power to the people and equal power. Scorpio Venus wants to hold close to a single-minded perception of exclusivity that is can easily fall into the category of ownership, as well as lonliness/isolation even.

-> This also opens the path to let go of any close minded and rigid believes of how love has to be and how much they actually take and demand: Scorpio here becomes painfully aware of their own egos and the egos of others. It's not about becoming detached and only giving, but more about understanding and managing the dynamic between own willpower and the willpower of others and how these themes play out in (intimate) connections. It's also about being able to stick true to the self, without bending anyone to ones own will or being bend by the will of others

#replies #anonymous #astrology #zodiac #transits #pluto transit #transit pluto square venus #venus in scorpio #pluto #pluto in aquarius #venus

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revisedpaper · 4 years

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Mid-way Watch “The Untamed” Thoughts

HELLO it is ME with my HYPERFIXATION on different things, and this time, it’s “The Untamed”!! I have thoughts. Many thoughts. As well as many feelings. But for now!! Just some thoughts on the systemic problems among cultivation society, specifically among the five great sects and how they all SUCK.

(no spoilers past ep 26)

Ok, suck is a bit of a strong word, but honestly, what the heck???? Each of the five sects have their own complicity and role in allowing the cultivation world to reach this state and keep perpetuating the unhealthy system just for the sake of their own comfort and traditions.

1) The Wen Sect. Obviously evil cause controlling dead people puppets and torturing people for funsies (Wen Chao is just a terrible human being), but also, they were the ruling sect for hundreds of years with no checks on their power? Everyone else was just content to say, “Let them chill at the top of their evil volcano fortress” because they were relatively undisturbed? It’s only when the Wens come causing trouble at Cloud Recesses that the rest of the cultivation world starts paying attention to some, frankly, disturbing behavior that they should have seen before. For the Wen clan to reduce one of their own minor branches (Wen Qing and Wen Ning’s) to basically servants and threatening them with their own lives is also just abhorrent and speaks to a power imbalance - medicine and healing aren’t as valued as sheer power - but honestly, my major problem is how none of the other sects noticed or cared?? Honestly, the entire Wen problem could have been avoided if the rest of the sects weren’t so isolated, but that’s the whole problem!

2) The Lan Sect. Still my favorite sect out of the five cause Lan Xichen and Lan Zhan, but ok... can you be any more passive. For all their sense of justice and honor, they are startlingly terrible at actually taking action when it matters. There where so many scenes where the rest of the sects were acting like children, and Lan Xichen, despite being Zuwu-Jun, one of the Twin Jades, just let it happen? Because it’s less dignified to step in? Honestly, though it kind of hurts me to say it, same with Lan Zhan to a certain degree. Both brothers only step in after the words have been said and only in a peace-making fashion rather than actually taking preventative action. You can see Xichen and Lan Zhan wanting to speak up so many times during the Phoenix Mountain arc, but for some reason, they don’t, likely because of their upbringing in GusuLan and in a particular cultivation culture where decorum and the rules come first. It’s better than a lot of the other sects, but this black and white morality doesn’t help situations where action should be taken. Why didn’t Lan Xichen, one of the top cultivators of his generation and one of the most respected, say anything when the Jin sect brought out the Wen remnant to be target practice? Why did he let Jin GuangYao take them to a labor camp? I think Lan Xichen holds more culpability here than Lan Zhan because Lan Zhan is STILL A TEENAGER!! Anyways, their passivity and inaction is the Lan Sect’s greatest fault, and it makes it hard for me to excuse them in any scenes that include arguing between members from other sects since the Lans rarely step in.

3) The Jin Sect. Jin Guangshan........ can I just say..... what a jerk. You, sir, a fully grown adult who has had multiple illegitimate children, are coming down on a TEENAGER who just lost his parents, fought an entire war, and is rebuilding his sect, and pressuring him to disown his own brother?? In front of all the other sects?? And implicitly threatening to ruin his entire sect’s reputations??? AND insulting his parents???? I was fuming the entire time Jin Guangshan and Jiang Cheng were speaking because it was just so so unfair. Wei Wuxian wasn’t wrong when saying the Jins just want to be the next Wen Sect and have all the power. It was such a low blow for Jin Guangshan to target Jiang Cheng like that, knowing that he had to save face for the entire Jiang Sect and that he had never experienced this kind of pressure before. All under the guise of “giving advice,” I may add. With a leader like that, it’s no wonder that the entire sect is nearly rotten to the core. Abusing the Wen prisoners like that, using them as live bait, and unable to see past the need for their own revenge to the fact that they can end the cycle themselves is such an indicative problem of all the conflict in the cultivation world. It’s also not even revenge at this point, it’s just sadism. And why do the other sects let them get away with it? At the very least, why do the Lans with their so-called righteousness let them get away with this? Just... ugh. Also, Jin Jixuan is NOT good enough for Jiang Yanli, and that’s the tea. He might like her after rejecting and insulting her like what, three times, but he also thinks himself above her relationship with Wei Wuxian, her BROTHER, like, hello?? SPEAKING OF THE JIANGS:

4) The Jiang Sect. First of all, Jiang Fengming was not a good dad. Way to show favoritism to your adopted kid without giving your biological care the same affirmation and love that he deserves!!! Also, Madam Yu is terrible. Emotionally abusing Yanli and Jiang Cheng while they were growing up and also physically abusing Wei Wuxian on top of that is not ok. No wonder Jiang Cheng has so many issues. Also, the fact that Jiang Cheng felt the need to save so much face that he couldn’t support Wei Wuxian against the other sects shows the flaws in the hierarchical system of the cultivation world. Wei Wuxian tries to do the right thing, gets mocked and ostracized by all the other clans --> Jiang Cheng is told to take responsibility for him and pressured by older sect leaders from the Jin Sect --> Lan Sect does nothing to overtly support him --> Jiang Cheng gets angry at Wei Wuxian for not considering his position --> Wei Wuxian can’t compromise on his morals --> Jiang Cheng needs to keep playing the political game and.... you get the falling out I suspect is coming soon.

5) The Nie Sect.... Idk much about them other than the fact that I agree with Nie Mingjue about Jin Guangyao. Guangyao is so suspicious....

Anyway, I know the entire point of “The Untamed” and Wei Wuxian’s storyline is that there are inherent and chronic conflicts within the cultivation world that enable all the acute conflicts that are currently happening. And honestly, I think it’s good writing that I got this worked up because I’m not mad at the show - I’m mad at the world within the show. There are so many deeply rooted problems within the Sects, not even covering their isolationist tendencies and bartering with one another in order to keep up their image, that it’s no wonder that someone as unorthodox as Wei Wuxian snapped. The problems really are of their own making, so I hope individuals like Wuxian, Lan Zhan, Jiang Cheng, etc. can rise above it to shape their own generation........

#but i mean #we know that wuxian dies and there's a 16 year timeskip so.....#also not trying to start discourse lol #just have a lot of feels after phoenix mountain arc #ugh i hate politics #dreaming of a world where the yungmeng sibs are happily eating lotus pods #instead of being torn apart by politics #BC THEY'RE LITERAL TEENAGERS #the untamed #me #lolol can't believe i wrote this #it is not coherent or well thought out #but #the thoughts #they are there

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