#i know i way missed the grace period but i've been working very hard on this for the past couple of weeks and better late than never right? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

veliseraptor · 2 months

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Fic Writer Interview

I was tagged by @anghraine - thank you!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

under my main pseudonym that I actually use these days, 610. total, across pseuds, we're looking at 1,013.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

4,930,564, which is so close to 5 million!!! we'll see if I hit that threshold this year, I might if all goes well with big bang fic

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I thought I could do this from memory and I was so close, only missed two.

Life in Reverse (13,990)

With Absolute Splendor (10,436)

some good mistakes (6,551)

The Villain Wrangler (4,445)

half a league onward (4,437)

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do not, because I don't know what to say, get overwhelmed, fall behind, get more overwhelmed, and ultimately end up with a backlog I don't feel capable of dealing with so I just don't. I feel bad about this periodically (often) but I don't do anything with that feeling. Just kinda feel bad.

5. What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

I've written a lot of fics with angsty endings but I might have to give this one to Mercy, because that was a very mean fic on the whole. arguably even meaner than my other murder/suicide fic.

6. What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

I have a hard time with this question because I feel like most times my happy endings are at least touched with some kind of bitterness or loss or at least underlying open door that could be a problem down the line, or, like, lingering trauma.

but on the other hand I'm sure I have written generally happy endings in my backlog of fics, there's just a lot of fic in there so it's hard for me to pull them out, because they're probably also the ones that I find less memorable.

in some ways I think With Absolute Splendor might get this one, because it feels like it has ones of the strongest sense of earned catharsis, even if everything isn't all the way fixed. there's probably happier endings in terms of world state, but that's one where the ending feels happier because it doesn't start that way. but how this grace thing works is also one of the fics where I feel like it's on the whole softer/tenderer than my usual work.

7. Do you write crossovers?

not really! I wrote a few once upon a time, and a couple pastiches (one fandom in the style of another fandom), but those are years behind me and I'm not generally a crossover person as a rule.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

oh yes. most of it more entertaining than truly upsetting, but there are a few exceptions. my favorite remains the person who was really bothered by the fact that my Black Jewels Trilogy fic wasn't High School Musical fic. still no idea what was going on there.

9. Do you write smut?

sure do. I haven't been writing as much these days (but then, I haven't been writing as much these days, full stop) and I've never been all that much of a pwp writer but it's still very much a part of my writing.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

once, some time ago - I think it was Life in Reverse got posted on Wattpad. oh, though there was also another MCU fic that got reposted on AO3, but the person deleted it pretty quickly when I commented to inform them I didn't appreciate their doing so.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! into a few languages and it's always super cool and flattering to me.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have the one in progress but never anything I've finished/posted. I've done a lot of RP over the years but I always kept it pretty squarely separate from my fic writing.

13. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I've had a lot of all-time favorite ships, and there are plenty for fandoms I'm no longer really in that stick around in my head for longer than I'm really participating in the fandom (Celegorm/Aredhel is notable for this), but I think I will say that Xue Yang/Xiao Xingchen occupies a very particular kind of sort of insane place in my brain that feels relatively unique. so I'll give this one to them.

14. What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

oh lord, so many of them. mostly various MCU wips I'll probably never finish but where I'm like "this was a good idea and I like what I have of it so far, too bad the MCU killed my caring about the MCU." outside of those...I'm so loathe to accept that things will or might remain unfinished, so I'll go with one of those and say the "Hela is around when Thor and Loki are growing up" one, which would've been so good and I still sometimes toy with the idea of returning to, only, you know. aforementioned "caring about the original canon" issue making it hard to actually do the writing thing.

15. What are your writing strengths?

I've been slowly filling out this meme for a while and I left this question conspicuously blank almost to the last. I think my strongest area is probably dialogue, though I worry that I'm giving myself too much credit there. I think I'm pretty good at writing it, though. it certainly is one of the pieces of writing that comes most easily to me.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

description and action, for sure. I tend to skimp on description in a way that probably weakens much of my writing (I have so much respect for writers with good descriptive language), and I loathe writing action scenes the way that I loathe writing few things - it always feels like wrestling a bear. I usually know what I want to have happen as a result but getting there is just. very hard.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

something you gotta be very careful with. I was going to say I almost never do it, but the one exception to that is Lymond Chronicles where I do it a lot, but that's because it's a fairly important part of the style of canon and I'm just. following that lead. otherwise, I tend to shy away from it personally, partly because I write from pretty deep in a character's head and if they don't understand what's being said in another language then that's what I want to convey in the story, rather than giving the reader privileged access to what's being said that the character doesn't have.

does that sound really pretentious? probably.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

technically I wrote a cracky Harry Potter fic first, but I consider my first actual fandom to be Wheel of Time.

19. What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

either bingjiu or beefleaf are two pairings that I love and have a lot of strong feelings about but haven't actually managed to write anything for, and both are on my list as like...just #waiting for the right idea.

also hua cheng/mu qing, which is a tiny pairing of my heart that Needs Me (or whatever) and I know the kind of fic I want to write for it but actually executing it is, as usual, proving harder.

20. What's your favorite fic you've written?

it fluctuates wildly depending on mood, but I'll give this one for now to the backyard is full of bones - it was the first project I bound into a book, which I feel like says something for it.

tagging @gloriousmonsters, @curiosity-killed, @mikkeneko, @brawlite, and @feralkwe; not actually sure how many people I'm "supposed" to tag on this one so if you want to do it consider yourself tagged as well.

#lise memes #confessions of a frustrated writer #memeing instead of dealing with my bad feelings

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crownmemes · 8 months

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The X-Files Sentences, Vol. 4

(Sentences from The X-Files (1993-2002, 2016-2018). Adjust phrasing where needed)

"I don't want to scare you, but I think I'm madly in love with you."

"You ever experienced a period of missing time?"

"You ever had the suspicion that you've been abducted by aliens?"

"Love. Is that all you men think about?"

"Does it ever bother you? Being alone?"

"I appreciate your concern, but there's no need for you to get involved with this."

"You live under this misguided notion that silence is strength. You've built a wall to keep everyone out."

"There were contradictions that I couldn't reconcile, which meant shutting down part of myself just to do my job."

"Has anyone ever told you that you have a great problem coming to the point?"

"I'm not even going to grace that statement with a reply."

"The truth is, you need me."

"I see more questions here than I do answers."

"You presume to dictate duty to me?"

"Men can never be free because they're weak, corrupt, worthless, and restless."

"Don't unlock doors you're not prepared to go through."

"I've seen too many things not to believe."

"You put such faith in your science, but the things I've seen, science provides no place to start."

"Nothing happens in contradiction to nature, only in contradiction to what we know of it."

"The fiercest enemy is the man who has nothing left to lose."

"I've been here twenty minutes and I still don't know what the hell is wrong!"

"No one would kill you. You're just a little puppy dog."

"If you find the right starting point and follow it, not even secrets of the darkest of men are safe."

"I work very hard to keep any president from knowing I even exist."

"What's the matter? Don't you believe in miracles?"

"Your lies have killed more men in a day than I have in a lifetime."

"You're the most dangerous man alive. Not because you believe in your actions, but because you believe these actions are all which life allows you."

"Life is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for."

"I can kill you whenever I please, but not today."

"It is my experience that lawyers ask the wrong question only when they don't want the right answer."

"A dream is an answer to a question we haven't yet figured out how to ask."

"What are you saying you believe now?"

"The truth is, nobody cares."

"I haven't taken a day off in four years."

"Why don't I have a desk?"

"So, what is it you want me to keep an eye on?"

"As long as I'm with you, no one will ever hurt you."

"I did as I was told, as always."

"You can't tell what's going on in somebody's head just by looking at them."

"You can't ask the truth of a man who trades in lies."

"Pick out something black and sexy and prepare to do some funky poaching."

"You think I'm the Devil?"

"There's always another way, if you're willing to pay the price."

#rp meme #rp memes #roleplay meme #roleplay memes #rp prompts #roleplay prompts #sentence starters #specific;#crime drama;#scifi drama;#filmtv;#classics;#xfiles;#supernatural drama;

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prof-peach · 3 years

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Hello professor! Recently I've gotten my own place, and miss the pokemon I grew up with in my childhood home. Problem is, I happen to be epileptic. I saw that you mentioned absol, but are there any others you might suggest? For context, I have to avoid deep water in case there's an episode. I also imagine an easily spooked mon wouldn't be a good choice in case they're with me if something happens. Would a pokemon be able to understand if I tried to explain my condition? Thanks, love the blog!

Epilepsy shall not stop you hon, theres a butt load of good pokemon to help you manage your condition, and to give you great company!

Now first things first I must say, you will need to find a rather intelligent pokemon for them to understand what you’re dealing with day to day. This is a given with ANY support pokemon, they must grasp what they need to do, and what you're going through at any given time. Because of this factor along side Epilepsy specifically, I always advise psychic types, they have heightened intelligence, an unusually high tolerance for human activity, and a 6th sense for their trainers thoughts and feelings. It’s not quite Telepathy, because psychic types cannot always read just anyone’s mind, they need prolonged time with you, living beside you to bond and eventually strengthen the mental link you will come to share. This link will be your emergency lifeline should you have an episode, and the reason I suggest psychic types with Epilepsy? They can lift you, hold you steady, shift you with no physical efforts into a safe position (many pokemon can learn and remember the recovery position), they can hold you off the hard floor, get you away from potential danger.

The biggest issues I hear folks talk about when discussing this condition are based around the individuals safety. If you go down real hard all of a sudden, and you hit concrete? Not good. Having an episode and smacking your head on the floor, on furniture, on whatever’s close, can be hella dangerous, especially if you don’t feel the episode coming (some people say they can feel it coming on, others mention that it can be quite random, either way, this still applies for ya). With the right partner, this can become a very small issue, AND over time psychic types that have bonded to their trainers will learn to see an episode coming before it hits you. The activity in your brain is something they can track and read, and are able to alert you before an episode starts, so you can get into a safer position, and they can take on the role of helping you stay safe during the seizure itself. Pokemon that i’ve seen others use for this vary widely, intelligence is the only necessary aspect, but heres a few psychic types that you could find with relative ease, that over time will grow to be very helpful for you.

Solosis - low care, high intelligence, very sweet and kind, you may need to work with them until their 2nd evolution before they’re able to fully assist you. Espeon - not effective as an eevee to help much, they grow to be very compassionate for their trainers, and can be a great help on through those rough weeks.

Muuna - the fog that this pokemon produces is actually very handy for folks with any conditions that induce seizures, as they shorten the length of them by around 30%, and give individuals a boost in recovery speed too. The chemicals within its mist are distilled and used in many modern medicines.

Indeedee- fantastic support pokemon, sturdy, adaptable, smart enough to help day to day, and varied in personality. They show great concern for their trainers and have the skills to back that up.

These are just some ideas, Absol of course has been mentioned as a support pokemon for Epilepsy before, and while they can certainly alert you to oncoming episodes, they cannot then help you while you’re going through it all. It may be wise to get two pokemon in your life, small and functional, even a little Natu is enough, but having two makes the pokemon’s life much better. They both will need time off, and if you need support or have a lot of episodes close together, they could become tired alone. having two means you can sub one out and let them take a day off, while the other supports you, plus it gives them a friend to play with while you're busy working or hanging out with friends or family.

I’d suggest meeting each potential pokemon first, get to know them, you're looking for the right personality to match you, and of course you would want the pokemon to want to be with you too! this grace period at the start where you two just hang out is so important, you’ll know when the pokemon you’re with is the right fit, and from there you can start to grow a good bond with them. the stronger the bond, the better they can help you. You’d be right to not go for timid or jumpy pokemon, but thats a personality trait more than a species trait.

I’d not for a second forget to suggest checking out your local adoption centres too, older pokemon can sometimes be more intelligent and really can hear the call to help when they find a human they bond with, you can also find older psychic types who have more developed skills, thus being more effective when helping you.

This is all just a guideline to help you, ghost and fairy types can also often levitate people well enough to provide you with help and safety during an episode, even if they don’t have that mental bond that psychic types gain with their trainers. keep an open mind, and hopefully this will lead you to finding the right partner for you!

#pokemon #prof.peach #peach talks

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oatmilkovich · 3 years

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Willa, I cried so much watching Come From Away earlier. They way they filmed the beginning, like of NY and everyone walking into the theater, it really just hit me how much we haven't had live theater and going to watch things like that with large groups of people. I genuinely didn't realize just how much I missed that until then. I think people in the future, who didn't live through covid and lockdown, being able to watch this recording of Come From Away and seeing all that beginning footage before the show is really important. I think it does a really good job showing how much of an impact covid has had on everything, especially live theater. Kind of how in a similar way, Inside does a really good job of showing how it's been for people in the future to see.

And the show! I've never had the pleasure of seeing CFA in person, so I've ever only seen it from a bootleg. And as much as I appreciate that, we all know that boots aren't the best quality. CFA is my all time favorite musical, and seeing a proshot like that really just took my breath away and it really made the whole meaning and everything of the show hit hard. Not to mention it's the 20th anniversary, as well as everyone having been in a very shitty world the past year and a half.

Come From Away truly is just the perfect show. It's funny as hell, heart wrenching to the point you'll cry, so happy you'll cry, and full of so much love. The choreo, the lighting, the music, the characters, the band, it's all just so magnificent.

anon!! ❤️

this made my heart so so happy. come from away is one of the most wonderful, heartwarming and emotional shows i've ever seen. i was lucky enough to see it in london a few years back and it's at the top of my list to see in person again when i finally get round to it. i completely agree, it's a perfect show. there's such a wonderful balance between the characters, the music, the subject matter – there's no leading role and i think that's what gets me the most. it's truly an ensemble show about humans coming together in a time of need. i bawled my eyes out from the beginning to the end from being so impacted by it – right from the get go with welcome to the rock (which is one of my favourite opening songs from any musical ever).

the show deals with such a difficult period – one that's risky to create work around – and yet they did it with such grace and humanity that you can feel the love bursting at the seams. i'm so so happy that you were able to watch a pro-shoot, it's so important for art like that to be accessible – especially when it deals with such things. and you're right, after such shitty two years it's nice to be reminded how good people can be – love is at the core of us all.

looking back at this recording in a couple years is going to be very special, it's hard to put into words how important it feels being an audience member again. live theatre suffered severely in the last two years – it breaks my heart to think about it – but come from away is the perfect show to come back to.

thanks for sending me this, it really made me so happy. please feel free to come here whenever you want to chat about anything theatre related ❤️

#asks #come from away #it's one of my favourite musicals of the last ten years and it's a travesty it didn't win best musical at the tonys #while i'm also a big great comet fan too #but really come from away 🤝 fun home 🤝 great comet #being the best new musicals of the last 10 years #i don't talk about musicals there that much but i am truly their bitch

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verobatto · 4 years

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Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XLII

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Just You and Me

(9x06)

Hello My Friends!!! How are you? I'm here again with another meta from this series. This time is time for a very Destiel one, episode 9x06 Heaven can't wait.

I know is a very analyzed episode, well known by all the FANDOM, so I will be quick with some scenes, just mentioning things that we all know, and pointing mostly how the characters felt during the different scenes.

I want to say thank you to my friend @agusvedder , she made the gifs for this meta and discussed with me the episode. Thank you girl! 😘💕

Pain-Lost-Depression

I'm gonna start talking about the Rit Zien (in enochian means HANDS OF MERCY), this different class of angels assisted in the battlefield helping angels wounded to heal, and giving peace (by ending with them) to those who were past saving, wounded with emotional damage.

Let's swim now through his victims in this episode and why he chose Castiel like one of them.

The first victim was a man who had lost his wife, so, he was depressed, he couldn't handle his lost, the love of his life. He had a huge pain he even called to suicide line. The Rit Zien appeared a vanished him, into micro molecules, and the color was PINK.

You know pink represents Happiness, so, we could infer this angel tried to give the pain a relief. To transform it into happiness in Heaven.

The second victim was a girl, who had just break up to his boyfriend, and she was saying this exactly words .. pay attention...

GIRL He dumped me, Jace. (pause) In the cafeteria. In front of everyone. It's just like ... who does that, you know? Like, why couldn't he just dump me on Facebook like a normal person? (pause) I've been destroyed. Socially and romantically … totaled. (pause) I know. I'm just so embarrassed, Jace. I could just die.

She's recalling us to Castiel, and how Dean dumped him from the bunker. And she's describing her feelings, so we can think Cas is feeling dumped, destroyed and embarrassed.

So... Then... Cas must be very upset with Dean. As we will see in the next point, he is.

But now, when the Rit Zien heard her asking for death, he just gave her death, and happiness in Heaven, as we could see when he transformed that girl in pink color.

So, two cases about two people in love, one had lost his wife, and was deeply depressed, and the second one was dumped by her boyfriend, feeling embarrassed.

And if you pay attention too to Castiel's singing to the baby, the lyrics are very melancholic... Flying away in a wing and a prayer... He misses being an angel, he said it again while he was trying to calm the baby, touching his forehead...

After talking with the baby about how it felt being a human all of the sudden, he says...

CASTIEL: (...) You know, it wasn't that long ago when all I'd need to do to ease your pain was touch you.

So... This is melancholy, sadness...

But let's come back to the logic of the victims... As I said first one... Two cases related with lover lost, a girl dumped by his boyfriend...

Then... Castiel being the third victim, shouldn't surprise us at all...

CASTIEL: It's a fever, Ephraim. It will pass.

(Cas thought the angel had came for the baby)

ANGEL (EPHRAIM): You remember my name? I was just a nobody when we met, but you – you were a legend. You've been here before. This is my first time, and it's ... intense.

The Rit Zien remarked Cas was a legend, so he felt honored he could remember his name, but also, and this is very interesting, he's talking about being surrounded by humans, and Hyman's feelings SO INTENSE. I'm pointing this, because there's a scene in the car with Dean in which Case says everything is different, about feelings, about being a human. I just want you to keep this in mind for the next points.

CASTIEL: How'd you find me?

EPHRAIM: Because you're warded? The same way I find all my patients – I just followed the sound of your pain. You have no idea how loud it is. I could hear you for miles

This has to caught our attention. Castiel is in pain, huge pain. He's depressed. He lost his grace, he had to for through being homeless, starved, facing our most deep decadency. And then he had to suffered Dean's rejection. Castiel, who had learn now what his feelings were. As a human, he's sure now that strong feeling he had for Dean is LOVE, and being dumped by him, leaving him in the streets again, is a deep pain, a deep wound, just as painful like losing his grace. So, his pain was loud.

Cas is mad at Dean, and Dean wants see him desperately

Okay, now that we talked about the case, let's focus in Destiel.

Castiel called Dean for the case... And Dean noticed Cas was kind of... Weird, and maybe mad, this made him anxious, and he decided to go to that case ALONE, and find Cas, just in case...

But really, the conversation they had by the phone is hilarious. First of all, Dean stood up and walked away from Kevin and Sam, when he realized it was Cas. Looking for privacy??

DEAN: Hello?

CASTIEL (calling from the Gas'n'Sip) I may have a case for you. (CASTIEL is cleaning the slurpee machine while he talks.) Four missing in Rexford, Idaho. (DEAN stands up, walking away from the table.) Presumed dead, but no bodies have been released to loved ones. And, there were reports of a strange substance at the scenes.

Okay, we'll just stop here, notice how Dean says HELLO but Castiel doesn't, he just goes straight to the point of his call, this is the first sign that he's mad, he wouldn't call, but he has this case, so he had to. Not a nice thing to do for him, because he would prefer no to pass for this. Not to talk with the one that dumped him.

DEAN: Oh, well, hello to you too, Cas. How are you?

Dean noticed that too, and he insists with the HELLO, and he asks how Cas is doing. He knows Cas must be mad at him.

CASTIEL: I ... am busy.

Cas cut him. He was actually, nervously trying to... Do something with the smoothie machine.

DEAN shakes his head.

DEAN All right. So, how do you want to do this?You want to meet up at the latest scene? You want me to pick you up? What?

Dean is proposing see each other, he wants to work with him, Dean wants to see him.

CASTIEL's efforts with the Slushy machine are not going well. A flood of liquid blue slushy mix spills out over the machine and onto the floor. DEAN hears the trickling sound and looks puzzled.

CASTIEL Um … I've got my hands full over here. I just – um...

And this is when Cas gets flustered and the machine is a mess of blue liquid all over the floor. Is not coincidence that when Dean offered Cas an encounter, the mess with the blue fuold happened. Is a consequence of Castiel feeling nervous, an encounter with Dean is something that gets him flustered. Nervous. Anxious. Now that Castiel is a human, he understands clearly what happens in his heart with Dean. He knows that feeling is LOVE. So, isn't that easy, being dumped, get mad, and now calling him, and now seeing him again? Too intense.

DEAN Cas? Hello?

Dean is convinced now that Cas is mad at him, so he decided to go ALONE to see him.

He invented some excuses because Sam wanted to go with him, he tries to minimize the importance of the case, but that made it more suspicious, so Sam asks...

SAM: So, he said nothing about where he is or – or what he's been doing?

DEAN: This is Cas. In case you forgot, he's not exactly Chatty Cathy.

SAM (incredulously) And you're not even gonna see him when you're in Idaho?

DEAN: Well, like I said, as long as he's catnip for angels, he's keeping his distance.

DEAN turns to continue walking, now leaving the room.

SAM: So then, what's the point, Dean? I mean, it's barely even a case.

Sam couldn't understand why his brother was almost running to that "not case" so fast, answering all his questions with not very truly answers.

DEAN (from a balcony, talking down to the other two) That's why I'm just gonna go have a little look-see, and … we're not gonna waste a whole lot of manpower on a big pile of nada.

And then Kevin gave him the perfect excuse...

Dean must be thinking... Thanks Kevin, over there... Finally alone, just Cas and him.

Jilted Lover and pining boy

We know Misha Collins said producers asked him to play this scene like a jilted Lover, and he did it perfect.

We had this classic Destiel scene... Dean talking with Sam by the phone, outside the Impala, drinking a coffee, we don't see more... Till this happens...

Dean lowered his head, because he had it covered, he doesn't need his brother help, because he has Cas. And he wants to be alone with him, this gesture, he gets a little nervous over there, like... Anxious... Why? Because he's doing this... This is his cover...

This is pining, my friends, no friend stays out of the window CONTEMPLATING his handsome best friend working, like... If this isn't pining what is is then? Why he would stop by Castiel's work, watching him for so long?? He wasn't afraid, because when he finally made his dramatic entrance, he wasn't ashamed, so, he just does it because he wanted to contemplate him. Because he is pining for him. Because he contemplates the man he loves. People that are in love do that. Period.

When Dean appears in front of Cas, Castiel's fav is priceless. He's surprised, but it seems like of his heart just gave a jump! Like OMG! HE'S HERE! WHY?

Look at the deception in Dean's face, again Cas is not saying him hello. And he was waiting for a better response. But, okay, Cas is mad, some maybe not a good response, but at least a HI.

After this, Castiel gets mad again because Dean is disappointed to find him working there and not hunting. Cas names the whole situations he had to go through, because he can't believe Dean shows up as if dumping him from the bunker was nothing...

CASTIEL: My Grace is gone. What did you expect? Do you have any idea how hard it was? When I fell to earth, I didn't just lose my powers. I – I had nothing. Now... I'm a sales associate (proudly)

Castiel is proud, he's showing Dean LOOK HOW I GOT THIS WITHOUT YOUR HELP. I DID IT BY MYSELF.

But Dean doesn't want this for Cas and mostly, he needs him back with him, even if it has to be just for one case. So he will try to convince him, just like the old times.

Then... Nora enters in the scene. At first Dean made his wtf and jealous face when he sees the heart eyes. And then he plays the NO HOMO BUDDY right there.

Trying to get some info, and the result is Cas has a date!

Flirting

After recognize the case was about a Rit Zien, Dean wants him to be aboard with him to stop the angel... But Castiel says this...

CASTIEL: But he just got here. The ebb and flow of human emotion – Dean, I've been on earth for a few years, and I've only begun to grasp it. To him, pain is pain.

And then this...

That's why I said before keep in mind the INTENSE word about Human's feelings. Cas is getting now what is this all about. He's getting know the intensity of the feelings... Love, hate, pain, depression, sadness, joy. He is experiencing all of them. That's why I truly believe he understood what he felt for Dean.

I readed once @amwritingmeta post about this scene here, and the second meaning of I NEED A RIDE and the face Dean made... And I laughed so hard, because she showed in that post the wishfully and lustful face Dean showed. Priceless. Pay attention... When Cas says I NEED A RIDE, Dean's imagination was... To... Where? Cas having a good ride? By whom? Him? Okay. Too hilarious, but Jensen did it. Jensen made that face in Dean's skin... Dirty pining boy for his ex hot angel.

Then he turned to Cas to see if he realized what he had just Sayed, and of course he doesn't!

So... Second meaning for flirting... Is not gonna work Dean...

Tony Manero

When Cas and Dean were in the car, and Castiel was about to get out on his date, Dean says this words that generally are used when someone who's in love with the person is about to having a date with a third one, says to stop him. And our hearts stopped right there... But Dean Winchester made it NO HOMO again, talking about the wardrobe.

Even Cas has a hint of hopes in his eyes, why Dean would choose those words right there? Because he was feeling like that, he was still flirting with him, he was jealous, and he didn't want to let the angel go. But his repressed feelings won't let him verbalize it. So... He plays it...

DEAN: Okay. Uh, lose the vest.

CASTIEL: What are you –

Even Cas doesn't get what Dean wants, not even Dean knows it either...

Okay this was very gay, very. And Dean drooling face calling his friend TONY MANERO like the pining boy he is for his gorgeous and hot ex angel friend.

Comparing Castiel with Tony Manero, Made us go to that movie immediately, and to one scene in the car between John Travolta (Tony Manero) and his friend, Stephanie. (Thanks to Agus for show me the scene and discuss with me this). And I know this had been talked largely in the fandom, the frames and the position of the actors were the same like Dean with Cas, but is very interesting the dialogue. Tony was helping Stephanie to move on into a new house with a married man who was using her. When Tony detects this, they both had a conversation in the car and Tony made a jealous scene. Asking for that man, saying her he was using her, and she breaks talking about how that man helped her, that she was alone. You don't know what I had to go through. Is a huge Cas parallel, when Dean starts to recriminate him about his job in the Gas'n sip. And a Jealous Tony is compared with jealous!Dean about Nora. And don't forget, Nora was using Castiel like baby-sitter.

So because Dean was jealous... He was acting like the best friend giving his buddy advices about the date. But he was being ambiguous, like half flirting and acting gay and half giving advices and no homo. The truth was, he was drooling for Cas, pining for him... Even my mom saw that!

But let's return again to Cas in his "date"...

We saw how Dean contemplates Castiel again while he was walking towards that door, collecting a rose, smiling like a dummie because Cas looks so cute doing that. And the writers showed us Cas sucking his finger because one spine hurted him? Like? Why show something so sexy while Dean is watching? Do I need to add more here?

This was a huge romantic Destiel scene, with reference to a romantic movie, and we were witness of that!

Good Bye

Another Destiel scene, and this will be the last, sorry for the extension of this meta, is the goodbye scene. We had Dean with a half I'm sorry (because he couldn't say the truth, and Cas being so sad.

Pay attention when Cas is leaving, Dean's painful expression, the guilt and the repressed feelings... He really wants to tell Cas everything and bring him home with him, desperately... But he can't, and is so painful to him. Castiel is sad too, their faces are... Just sadness and pain. They don't like to be apart from each other... Damn...

To Conclude:

Episode 9x06 was a very Destiel chapter. We had the reference to Castiel's depression for lost his grace and being dumped by Dean.

We had a desperate Dean to fix things with his angel, running at his first call, insisting for his help, desperate for having a hint just the two of them. Being jealous, flirty, and very in love with his ex angel buddy.

The car scene with the reference to Tony Manero (a bi vives character in one of the most famous romantic movies), and the two CONTEMPLATING THE LOVE OF MY LIFE scenes, marked this episode like one of the most romantic episode in the whole show.

I hope you like this meta, see you in the next!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20 @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica

If you want to be tagged, just let me know.

If you want to read my previous metas about s9, you have the links here and here.

Buenos Aires, December 18th 2019 7:37 PM

#destiel #destiel chronicles #vol. XLII #destiel meta #supernatural meta #season 9 meta

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biggy-habes · 4 years

Text

So another year came to an end. But not just the end of a year, but the end of the decade! The '10s have come to an end. With the end of every year there is always a reflection. What happened? What was great? What really sucked? What could I have done differently? What do I hope for in the new year? Well, this was not just a single year but an entire decade to process! In the past 10 years I have lived in 3 different states. I've worked 4 different jobs. And like a typical drifter, I am a bit private with my past. I seem to just appear at a new job in a new state every couple of years and apart from some lingering drama I seem to have an undisclosed past. There are many of you who did not know me before I came to North Carolina. There are quite a few of you who did not know me before I was in recovery. And only a few of you who knew me before I lived in New York (the first time). I have lived several lives and have displayed countless shades of personality. Well, here is your chance to catch a glimpse of what my life has been like. Well, for these past 10 years anyways. The ups, the downs, the shitty heartaches, and the bitchin' experiences. A lot has happened and my memory is absolutely horrible, so I will recruit the assistance of my timeline on The Facebook and a few Spotify playlists. I have added a few songs to give a soundtrack as you are reading. I carefully selected these to be specific to the time period as well as where I was during that era. So now, here is a walk down memory lane. The Tens of Haber.

I welcomed 2010 in at a 12 Step Recovery function in Lawton, Oklahoma. I had recently moved back to Lawton after spending a year working in Washington, DC. You see, I had grown roots while stationed in Oklahoma during my time in the service. Life apparently felt like that I needed a second tour, but this time as a civilian. I had carried a lot of emotional baggage with me from my year living in Maryland, and I believed that running and starting a new life was the best course of action. When I returned to Lawton I was losing my mind. I was straight off my rocker! I was at the height of one of my worst mental breakdowns. I recently moved back to Lawton, Oklahoma. By choice. From Maryland. Yeah. See the previous statement. Anyways, I was waist deep in 12 step programs and played a very active role in my local Narcotics Anonymous group. But one thing that I had always had was a weakness for women. I would fall hard for girls that I had no business being with. At this particular time I was messing around with girls from the local halfway house. And I was getting the results that you may expect. I had fallen hard for a girl named "Lori" (no need to drag her real name into this), who I allowed to tear into my life and my heart like a goddamn tornado! She had recently started coming to meetings after ending up how most addicts end up in the rooms. The courts. She was what you would refer to as "adorable". Short dark hair that seemed to reflect light with its shine. She had deep, sultry blue eyes with long, fluttering eyelashes. When she started to show attention to me I was immediately became hooked. When things came crashing down and my heart got crushed I started sliding down the slippery slope of sanity. Fortunately I had an amazing friend, Nicole, who lived in Oklahoma City. Nicole is one of the most enjoyable people that I have had in my life. We briefly dated and she has played an incredibly important role in my story! I have so many wonderful stories and experiences involving us. Stories that I will save for another post.

Anyways, Nicole and I share the same birthday, and we both love to go big so we both took a trip to Boston to celebrate my 31st birthday. As it turns out the Yankees were in town so I fulfilled a lifelong dream of watching the Sox and Yankees play in Fenway Park! We got lost in downtown Boston and had to find our way back to our hotel using public transportation in the middle of the night. Nicole, who has lived in Oklahoma all of her life, got to get a wonderful glimpse of the not-so-nice parts of South Boston. It was a great birthday weekend for the both of us.

I got back from our trip with a clear head and I decided to get my ass back in school. I remained active in my NA group (shoutout to Different Way in Lawton, OK! That place was my home for a long time!) I may appear salty sometimes when speaking of my time in NA, but recovery mad a lot of positive changes in my life. One of those changes was gracing me with the motivation to complete my Bachelor's Degree. My apartment was an 8 minute ride away from the local university (Cameron University…GO PIONEERS, BITCHES!!!). I was able to focus my energy on studying. I have always had a knack for school, and I really enjoyed studying psychology and sociology so I was easily able to focus on my schoolwork. I was working a side job as a per diem psychometrist for a neuropsychologist named Dr. Hamil. I have so much credit to give to him for taking me on as a mentor. He saw something special in me. He saw talent. And I was happy to work for him whenever he needed me to. I was taking a lot of trips to Oklahoma City for testing assignments in assisted living facilities. And to be honest I was making a decent amount of scratch doing it. Now my full time job was working with the trainees going through Fort Sill that were having a difficult time adjusting to military life. On slow days I would have plenty of opportunity to work on the testing data that I had collected over the weekend. One day while scoring testing paperwork that I had sprawled all over my desk there was a knock on my office door. It was the chief of the clinic giving a potential psych tech the grand tour. "Mr. Haber, I would like you to meet one of the interviews for the tech position." She was slim and stylish, with long, dark hair and a smile that seemed to radiate comfort. And that was the first time I laid my eyes on the woman who I would eventually ask to be my wife. She extended her warm, slender hand. "Hello! I'm Amanda."

Our first encounter was short and sweet. And to be honest, it really did not leave much of an impact. A few months would pass before I would learn that she was hired. So this would be the first time that Amanda would actually enter into my life. By the time she was hired I was back working at the main behavioral health clinic on Fort Sill. I shared an office with several other psych techs. At any one time there could be 8 or more of us fighting over a computer. I walked into the clinic and was told a crop of newbies had started. I went in to introduce myself. And there she was. I reintroduced myself and blushed a little when she told me that she remembered me from our first encounter. We commenced with the getting-to-know-you chit chat. As the weeks went on we talked more and more, and flirting began. She knew about my side job in the city and asked if she could sit in on a session with me to learn more about what I do. So one night after work her and I drove to OKC for a 4 hour testing session with an ADHD child who was bouncing all over the room. Afterwards we stopped at McDonalds on our way back to Lawton and shared a 20 piece Chicken McNugget (because yo boy Haber is classy!). I would later find out that she had no interest in learning about psychometry. She just wanted a reason to spend time with me. Anyways, while driving back I mentioned that MC Hammer was going to be at the Oklahoma State Fair and if she would like to go. And that, my friends, is how my relationship with Amanda began. At an MC Hammer concert! In TRUE Haber form!

Eventually Amanda and I started dating. And it was incredible! She was a great woman. And she was great for me. When we had met I was going through a lot of internal strife, and being with her was calming me down. That November, after discussing the idea with Amanda (and after we got back together following a HUGE argument and eventual "break") we decided to adopt a pup. I went to the pound on Fort Sill. I walked down the row of cages and looked at every one of the hopeful pups. I stopped at this scrawny auburn-colored little shit who was barking as loud as he could as he put on his meanest look. But there was something in his eyes that told me that he has been in some shit and he was just needing someone to love him. I could relate to that. I asked the Poundtender (I'm really not sure what the manager of a pound would be referred to as, so we will go with this) about him and he told me that he was surrendered by an elderly couple for being too aggressive. I asked if I could take him for a walk in the yard. I sat on the grass and reached out my hand and he timidly came over to me, not certain whether to trust me or not. This was all it took for me. On November 8, 2010, I took Fennie into my home and into my life. Which means that it has been him and I for an entire decade! Women and jobs would come and go, but he has remained by my side through all of it. He truly is my Ryde or Die!

The winter this year was unusually harsh in Oklahoma. It seemed as if at least once a week work was closed due to ice and snow. I was living in a shitty 1 BR apartment on the borders of the Lawton hood and the heat just was not capable of handling the cold temperatures for so long. There were several days where Amanda, Fennie, and I would just huddle around the fireplace and turn the oven on to keep us warm. December rolled around, and we were still in the still-kinda-dating-but-not-sure-where-this-is-going phase so I chose to spend Christmas with my family. My sister had been living in Georgia at the time and my mother had recently moved up there as well. Two days before to make the long drive to Atlanta I received a call from an old friend Jake. Jake and I had worked together at a treatment center in Tampa. He informed me that a mutual friend of ours, Emilio, was reported missing. Emilio was a gentle soul who, like most of us that got deep in the drug lifestyle, had his share of demons. But he was a kind and fair man who had a heart that was filled with love for others. He was a new daddy and one night he just vanished. While walking into Moe's to have dinner with my family Jake called to let me know that Emilio's body had been found. I will never forget that Christmas. I sat in front of my loaded burrito with a dazed feeling all over my body. Emilio was a remarkable human being, and the world lost a great man the day that he was taken from us.

2011 began with Amanda and I…well…shit was getting kinda real.

Amanda and I ended up making the decision that I would move into her apartment. The reasoning that she gave was that it would be more economical, but I am sure that her being afraid of staying at my shitty apartment played a major role. Around this time I also started getting an itch to do something more with myself. I was one year away from completing my Bachelors degree and I was starting to question what I was going to do with myself now that I had no schoolwork to complete or classes to attend. This was when the idea came to me….BAM! I am going to become Dr. Haber! So this was when I made the decision to pursue my PhD in Psychology. If I had only known how much of an uphill climb the next 3 years would be on me because of this decision, perhaps I would have reconsidered. I developed a plan of action. I would boost my vita with extracurricular positions and accolades. I was asked to join the psychology honor society and attend the Psychology Club meetings. I worked with an outstanding neuropsychologist and mentor named Dr. Jason Albano, who pushed me to be the best PhD candidate that I could possibly be. I would spend hours in his office just asking for direction and recommendations. He suggested that I take the Psychometrist Certification exam, the gold standard in the field of psychometry. Dr. Albano would help me find time to study and my colleagues were an invaluable resources.

I will get more into the certification exam. But first, I am aware that I dropped a bit of a twist earlier with the Starting Attending Mass Again comment. As you could probably deduct from my postings on The Facebook that this just ain't me! Well, let me tell you about my Catholic Jon phase. Gowing up I attending Mass every Sunday with my grandfather. This was mostly due to the fact that he would buy me McDonalds afterwards. I never really had a strong belief in a god. Even as a kid I remember reading my CCD workbook and would think "Hey, wait a second. Something does not add up." It was once I got sent to rehab that I slowly started to build a belief in a higher power. We would get taken to 12 Step meetings and I would hear everyone talk about how you can't make it in recovery without a Higher Power. So, I guess I better get one of those! So I would work with my sponsor and talk about it at meetings and eventually I had some sort of Higher Power of my own. It hit all of the qualifications that they told me. It was loving. It was forgiving. It was greater than me. Cool cool cool. Let's go full speed ahead with this whole recovery thing. It wasn’t until I started seeing a girl named Jill in Oklahoma that I was able to call it by the name God. I would attend church with her and one day I decided to go up and get "saved". And ever since then I started learning more about Christianity and my idea of God would change as I grew. I started going back to Mass after encouragement from a friend who was heavily into the Catholic Life. One thing about me is that I latch onto something and go deep into whatever that might be. Catholicism was no different. Before too long I was absorbing anything involving Catholic Dogma that I could get my hands on. Every night I would pray the Rosary. During Lent I would practice self-mortification. When Amanda and I started she started attending Mass with me and it became a fairly strong bond in our relationship. She was accepting of my zeal towards my beliefs at the time and would support me however she could. This was something that I would eventually take for granted, and what would be a major factor in the demise of our relationship.

And that is where I will end this chapter. I will get further into all of the changes that 2011 would bring. I will label this period the "Amanda Era".

Now I will say that there was a lot of heartache involved in the ending of our relationship. However, I will only write about her in a positive light. She played a very important role in my story, and there were so many great memories in my story that involved her. At this point time has faded most of the hurtful memories and the good ones are what remained. So stayed tuned for the next chapter where we will tag along with Amanda and Jon on their journeys around the country.

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