#i really wouldn't have made it through the last 3 years without this community i deeply appreciate all of you

[namchyoon]

i love u guys so much i hope u all know that <3

#i'm okay don't worry i just. this is a long overdue feeling your emotions thing <3 #i really wouldn't have made it through the last 3 years without this community i deeply appreciate all of you #i really do remember everyone who interacts w my posts regularly i do notice when you guys change ur pfps and ur urls- #-regardless of if ur a mutual or not and i know all of ur tagging systems hehe <3 #sometimes i can predict exactly who tagged what without even seeing the url and i hope u know u all make my day so much better <3 #ok now i'm going to log out for a bit (by that i mean like. a couple of hours max fjfjdkdk) #please don't worry about me or send me asks about this i promise i'm fine really <3

[j0elmill3r]

Pre outbreak joel getting a cold where he can’t go to work so he stays home and his baby girls take care of him

Roles Reversed

Pairings -  Joel Miller x Daughter!Reader, Sarah Miller x Sister!Reader

Summary - Joel gets sick, and his baby girls take on the role of looking after him for the first time - Especially his youngest. 

Word Count - 1.4k Words

Warnings - Literal tooth -rotting fluff.

A/N - Take this as an apology for my last spate of depressing fics...I'm sure it'll be back to regularly scheduled programming in no time

Joel Miller Masterlist

Joel groaned as he woke up, turning onto his side as he looked at his alarm clock. Most mornings, he didn't usually find it so hard to wake up in the morning, since you had finally grown out of the stage of not sleeping through the night - But there was something about today that felt different, he felt more tired than usual, sore and blocked up. Joel loved you, but he really hoped that you wouldn't come bounding into his room as you usually did every morning without fail. Luckily for him, Sarah had woken you up this morning to try and give your dad a rest from you, since turning 3, you had become quite the handful - Joel had thought this phase would have ended after the terrible twos.

"When is daddy wakin' up?" You asked Sarah, trying your hardest to mix the eggs that Sarah had cracked into the bowl. You were now going through your clingy phase, and since you were lacking in a mother figure, you just became more clingy towards your dad. Sarah giggled as she looked back at you.

"He should be up soon, I promise," Sarah assured you, taking the bowl and whisk from you. "You know what? A for effort," You smiled widely at the praise, even though you didn't quite get how backhanded it was. You looked over at the stairs as they creaked, smiling at your dad as he came down the stairs - Sarah frowned slightly at the sight of your sickly father.

"Daddy!" You yelled out excitedly, waiting for Sarah to lift you down from the kitchen counter. Reluctantly, she did, feeling sorry for your dad as you ran full pelt towards him. Joel grunted as you ran directly into your dads legs, waiting for him to pick you up, looking up at him in confusion. "Daddy, up," You demanded, a pout on your face as you met your father tired eyes. 

"Sorry, baby," Joel apologised, groaning as he bent over to pick you up. "Daddy isn't feeling too good." He sniffled, his nose blocked up. Sarah slid him a glass of orange juice.

"No coffee this morning, you need some vitamin D," Sarah told him, she wasn't taking any mess from him this morning. Joel happily took the glass, holding the glass in one hand, and holding you with his other arm. "You need to go lie down, and not go to work," She gently scolded him, Joel laughed, laughing at the big sister bossiness she had adopted since you'd been old enough to verbally communicate with her. "And me, and Y/N will look after you today." Sarah told him with a smile, taking you from your dad's arms. 

"I made you breakfast, daddy," You told him. Joel looked at Sarah, slight panic in his eyes at the thought of his 3 year old in charge of making his breakfast. "No, we made you breakfast." Sarah corrected you, settling the panic in your fathers eyes. "Here, scrambled eggs, with extra shell, courtesy of Y/N." Joel chuckled as he took the plate from Sarah.

"Oh great, my favourite."

Joel did have to hand it to Sarah, she was great at getting you ready for the day. She had gotten you ready in the time it had taken him to take a long shower and get into fresh, comfy clothes, and settle onto the couch in a comfy position. You sat on the floor in front of the TV, some cartoon playing, it completely had your attention. Joel, instinctively, moved you back from the TV, considering how close you were to it.

"Daddy," You whined.

"No baby, you'll get square eyes if you sit so close," He warned you. Sarah had gone to the store to get supplies for your dad, since all that was in the medicine cabinet was child's Tylenol and NyQuil, which wouldn't have been much use to your fully-grown, adult father. 

"Sarah, honey, I'll be fine to go," Joel tried to convince his oldest, who was already sitting on the bottom step, slipping into her shoes as she looked up at her dad.

"No, go and lie down dad," Sarah gently pushed him back to the living room, watching as Joel got back into his position laying on the couch. "I won't be long, and I have my list so I know what to get you." She said, a satisfied smile on her face as she looked over at you and your dad, Joel's eyes dropping with sleep at every passing second, and you sitting in front of the TV, your attention glued to the TV. Sarah waved goodbye to you as she left. Joel, determining that you were pretty satisfied to watch your cartoons, he concluded that he could afford a bit of shut eye - but only 5 minutes, he told himself. It was only 10 minutes later when you noticed that your dad was out cold, starting to snore. You giggled, climbing over your dad and grabbing one of the blankets that sat behind the couch, trying your hardest to throw it over your sleeping father. You sat down in front of him, just in case he needed anything.

"Sleepy daddy," You whispered quietly, watching your dad as he slept. Joel stayed asleep, and as the front door open, you looked over to your sister as she came through the front door carrying a CVS bag. She saw the excited look on your face, but held a finger up to her lips, motioning for you to keep quiet as you ran towards her. "Daddy fell asleep." You told your sister, pointing into the living room towards your sleeping father, also showing her your feeble attempt at putting a blanket around him. 

"I see that, did you make him comfy?" She asked you, grinning as you nodded in proudness with the attempt of comforting your father. Sarah picked you up, realising that it was just past your nap time, she carried you upstairs to your bedroom - watching you yawn as she put you down in your unmade bed. "Aw, you're sleepy." Sarah asked you, tucking your teddy in beside you as she pulled the covers up. You whimpered as she went to leave, reaching out for her as she made her way out of your room.

"Stay," You whined, trying to wriggle out of bed. Sarah, reluctantly sighed and headed back to your bed, getting in beside you. You cuddled into your sister, who put both arms around you, holding you protectively. A while later, Joel woke up, in a bit of a blind panic, since you and your sister were nowhere to be seen. Spotting the CVS bag on the kitchen countertop, he realised that Sarah had maybe just taken you to the park for a bit to give him a bit of peace and quiet. Okay, maybe Sarah had been a bit overboard in what she had bought - Joel had told her the basics, pain killers, cold and flu, and tissues - But she had gotten at least two of everything, and 3 boxes of tissues. After taking what he needed and locking up the house, he went upstairs to your room, knowing that you had bedding that needed washed. 

Going into your room, he saw both you and Sarah, curled up in your bed. He smiled at the sight of the two of you, cosied up together and smooshed into your toddler sized bed. Joel didn't quite know what overtook him, but he picked Sarah up first, carrying her down the hall to his room, laying her down on his bed - He then did the same for you, laying down in bed beside Sarah, while still holding you. Sarah cuddled into his side, putting her head on his chest while he still held you with one arm. Joel smiled.

He wasn't quite sure why, but he smiled, happy to have both his baby girls with him.  If you woke up at 3am complaining that you were hungry, then that was fine, he'd make you something to eat. Anyway, Joel was smiling until the next morning, when you both you and Sarah woke up with both chest and head colds.

#joel tlou #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller hbo #joel miller x daughter!reader #x daughter #x daughter reader #x daughter!reader #hbo the last of us #fan fiction #fanfiction #fluff #fanfic

[whaledenwtf]

Vegeta x Reader -

Hihi!! The last fanfiction I wrote was the Kratos x Reader. I love Vegeta, so I'm writing a fanfiction. This has also been cross-posted on AO3 here: Link Enjoy this Smut-fest.

Warnings: afab!reader and Male Smut, Breeding Kink, Creampie, Choking, Dom/Sub dynamic, Use of Pet names/Nicknames, Praise and Degradation, Oral (Male and Female Receiving), Fighting, Blood, etc. Porn with Plot, basically 

Vegeta is also a little OOC, especially after seggs, so warning for that too!

WORD COUNT: 6197 Words (Jesus Christ)

Hope you enjoy this story ~

It had been probably, the WORST week of your life. You got evicted because your landlord ended your lease - can landlords even do that? what a dick, you thought to yourself. That, plus the massive training block you've been experiencing AND the fact you had just ended the worst date have really made you crave a night of forgetting everything. You're so grateful for alcohol and Bulma. Both were incredible distractions and can help you forget everything.

"Thanks again for letting my stay here until I could get back up on my feet." You tell her after taking a sip of your rum and coke. She waves you off, lifting her feet up onto the couch, tucking them under herself and getting comfortable.

"(Y/N), I'm serious when I say you're welcome to stay as long as you'd like. You don't understand how much I need a friend in this house." You giggle.

"What do you mean?" Bulma groans, and takes a massive gulp of her vodka sprite.

"My parents... are my parents-" That, you could understand. They are a handful. "And Vegeta's always been a pain in my ass. Especially since I got back with Yamcha-" You almost spit out your drink.

"WHAT?!?!" You gasp out loud, before whispering, as if you were conspiring. "Since when? What happened to 'working things out' with Vegeta?" You were curious, as she went on and on... and on and on about fixing things with Vegeta for the sake of Trunks.

"I mean, there's definitely love for him as the father of my son. But that love can only get me so far. We understand that we aren't meant to last. Plus Yamcha has gotten better at communicating his feelings and his wants. He's definitely not the same person who cheated on me years ago." Bulma stated matter-of-factly. You furrow your brows.

"So why's Vegeta still live here?" Bulma takes a sip of her drink and ponders her response.

"Well... At the beginning it was because I would miss him too hard, and I couldn't imagine a world without him in it. Now, its partially because of Trunks, and partially because-" She leans in close, and whispers in your ear. "I feel bad for him. He really only has Trunks now..." She bites her lip as she moves back to her spot.

"He'll find someone. He's... very attractive and sets his mind to things and sticks to it. I mean, sure, his pride is his greatest weakness, but he definitely has more pros than cons, especially now." You always found Vegeta attractive, but that was a given. Both Saiyans (and Broly, when you think about it) are very attractive beings. You wonder if its Saiyan genetics that make such handsome men, or if it really is just pure luck.

"Ou~" Bulma purrs. "Want me to set you two up? I'm sure he wouldn't mind. He can already tolerate you and has complimented your strength-" Your eyes widen.

"What has he said?" You lean in, excited. Bulma smirks knowingly.

"Maybe this planet isn't doomed after all." She puts on her best Vegeta impression, which makes you giggle.

You spend the rest of the night chatting and getting drunk with Bulma, by the time you both head to bed, its almost 3 am. You stumble through the halls, bumping into different doors. You open your bedroom door, and walk to your bed. When you collapse, your eyes are closed and notice that your bed is warm... and hard?

"Woman! Is there a reason you're in my bedroom? It's 3 AM, some of us train around here." You snuggle deeper into the mass.

"S-ry 'Geta. M'drunk." You slur out, with zero environmental awareness.

"GO IN YOUR OWN ROOM!" He whisper yells, trying to push you off. You whine, cuddling your face into his neck and inhaling. He instantly freezes up, and you feel heat pool up his neck towards his face. Eyes still closed, you smile softly.

"Mmm... smell good." You lay your face directly on his pulse point, blissfully unaware of the speedy pitter-patter of the Saiyan's heart.

"Woman-" He whisper-yells. "Please get out of my room." His voice is pleading, and your mind seems to begin feeling guilt.

"Can't. Can't walk. 'M too drnk." You whisper into his neck sadly, sniffling as tears spring to your eyes. Your body was vulnerable, especially so under the effects of alcohol, and Vegeta feels concerned. On the one hand, he is uncomfortable with physical touch, but on the other, the way your breath hits his pulse point has brought his Saiyan instincts out, and he does not want to take advantage of one of the only women in his life who finds him tolerable- semi tolerable? he thinks to himself. He sighs.

"Lemme carry you then." You hum.

"Thank you, Princey." You leave a small peck on his neck. Insignificant to you, probably, but meant too much to Vegeta. From his limited understanding of Earthlings and their tolerance to alcohol, it lowered inhibitions, but also could bring out instincts. Do you trust him? That question unloads a can of worms in Vegeta's head, as he lifts you in a bridal carry and walks towards your room, which is a short walk from his door. Despite this, it feels like centuries. He watches your face as you slowly fall asleep to the rocking of his movement as he carries you. What if you DID trust him? Vegeta knows he is not a good man, perfectly shown through his relationship with Bulma, or lack of. He couldn't keep a woman, who, he would never admit, helped him through a lot and even gave him a son. A son he hasn't even taken care of much! Vegeta's brow furrows and he stops walking in the middle of the hallway, which stirs you from your light slumber.

"'Geta?" You ask him confused, still drunk. He looks into your eyes, and can't help but admire their colour.

"Almost there-" He whispers softly. You gaze at his face, before reaching a hand to his forehead. The soft touch to his face makes his eyes widen.

"You should smile more. You're handsome when you do." You whisper, before your hand falls from his forehead, and lingers on his cheek, holding him softly. Vegeta's brow unfurrows, as he watches you. He then walks you to your room, and prepares to leave you at the door.

"Tha-nk y-ouuu 'Geta." He helps you out of his arms so you could land on your legs, though you did so a little unstable. You kiss his cheek quickly, and giggle before opening and closing the door behind you. Vegeta is stunned in place, holding the cheek you kissed as a raging blush flushes his entire body.

"Ugh, my head." You groan as you walk into the kitchen, where Vegeta and Bulma are bickering.

"Yeah I'm in pain too. Wish I could use a Senzu bean-" Bulma jokes, but Vegeta cuts her off.

"What a stupid use of a Senzu bean. You'd be wasting it to get through something ridiculous." He bites at her, and she rolls her eyes.

"Normally, I'd fight you, but I'm in too much pain and care too little about your opinion." You wince, and can tell those words hurt Vegeta a little, no matter how much he hides it.

"Woah Bulma, 'ts a little much. Let's all just have coffee, breakfast, and then we'll all feel better." You speak up as you walk past Vegeta, brushing his shoulder with your hand as a sign of respect, and defense. Vegeta looks at you with an eyebrow raised, and you raise one side of your lip slightly, smirking at him. You loved Bulma, but sometimes she says things she regrets, especially when hungover. She groans.

"Coffee sounds great." You giggle, as you make coffee for you three. You pass everyone a mug, and take a sip and sigh into the warm mug.

"I'll make us breakfast. What do you want, Vegeta?" You ask, looking at him over the rim of the mug. Bulma raises a brow.

"Why are you asking him?" You hum looking at her.

"Cause he's gonna be eating the most portions. I'm already making eggs and bacon, but he'll probably want something else, right 'Geta?" Your eyes switch from Bulma to Vegeta, and you can see the tips of his ears blushing, before he crosses his arms and turns to look away from you.

"Tch. Make me three steaks on the side, woman!" You roll your eyes at Bulma, who chuckles.

"All right, your highness. I'll make them rare and also feed them to you?" He smirks at that.

"Finally, someone who can understand the worth of a Prince-" Bulma rolls her eyes.

"Being the prince of 3 people is like calling me the queen of nothing." Vegeta's head snaps to her, and he growls.

"What a fitting title for someone who brings nothing to my life-" Bulma's eyebrows raise, and so do yours.

"Okay Vegeta, let's calm down~" You hold his shoulder, and rub it, eyes widening as you can see his hair flicker between blonde and brunette quickly.

"Tch. She's insufferable!" He cries out, effectively calming himself down.

"You're BOTH insufferable, actually. Both of you need to fucking relax." You tried not to swear often, but they were annoying you. Both of them shut up, eyes wide.

"I'm gonna finish cooking, we are going to eat calmly and quietly, and then I can go train for a bit before I-" You're taking the bacon out of the oven when your phone rings, and Vegeta grabs it for you.

"Who's calling?" You ask him as you grab the device from his thick hand.

"Tinder James? What kind of a first name is Tinder?" Vegeta raises a brow and you cough, eyes wide.

"He's calling you back?! PUT HIM ON SPEAKER." Bulma shouts, excited. You roll your eyes, but answer and put him on speaker while you cook.

"(Y/N) here." You respond.

"Hey sweetheart. Sorry I had to cut our date short yesterday, you know how it is haha-" You roll your eyes as Bulma mimics the movement of vomiting. Vegeta stays silent, watching your face. You had a date yesterday? He's upset at this information, but would never tell you that.

"Its fine-" You start to respond. "I mean, if you wanna continue the date tonight I'm game." He cuts you off.

"Continue... our date?" You ask confused.

"Yeah? I didn't hit so I thought you'd want me to hit it-" Both you and Bulma actually guffaw at that.

"Something funny?" He asks confused.

"Listen here, sweetheart-" You start sarcastically "You weren't gonna hit. You spent the whole date checking your phone and texting. I'm not stupid and I'm not someone who you can push around. We aren't gonna fuck, so stick your dick elsewhere. Oh! And delete my number." You hang up before blocking the number, turning to grin at Bulma. She laughs and high-fives you after you turn off the stove-top, eggs ready. You pile the eggs and bacon onto plates and get going on the steaks while handing the plates of food to Bulma and Vegeta. They start eating, and by the time you finish the steaks, Vegeta has finished his portions.

"Here you go." You hand the pile of steaks to him, and eat your meal. He doesn't touch his food, and looks at you expectantly. He harrumphs to get your attention.

"Yes?" He raises a brow.

"Why aren't you feeding me?" You laugh in his face. You pick up a piece of bacon from your plate before shoving it in his mouth. He choke on it, eyes wide looking at you.

"Eat your damn steaks." You tell him as you shovel eggs into your mouth and wink at him. Bulma laughs at him, as she picks up the empty plates and puts them in the dishwasher. Vegeta stays quiet and starts to eat his steaks, but you can see that his hairline is flickering blonde, but he wears a small smirk on his face.

The next couple days you don't see Vegeta at all. Normally, it wouldn't affect you, but you felt... saddened by the lack of his presence.

You are walking past the Gravity Chamber when you hear a massive explosion, and shouting. You sprint towards the Chamber, worried.

"Stupid Earthlings and their stupid creations!" You smirk at the angry Saiyan, who is hugging a robot, his hair a dark blue.

"Cute look, Vegeta. Is she your new girlfriend?" You tease, smirking at him. He turns to looks at you, and the tips of his ears turn pink.

"Woman! How dare you joke about the Saiyan Prince and his taste in women?" He grumbles loudly, walking closer to you. His hair goes back to brunette, and you can't help but admire his handsome looks.

"It's okay Vegeta. I won't tell Bulma~" You say in a sing-song voice, winking at him. He drops the robot before crushing it with his feet. You raise an eyebrow and smirk at him.

"These ridiculous jokes must end! Where is the respect for royalty? An understanding of- of greatness?" He asks you, getting closer. You look up at him, and bite your lip.

"I apologize for my humour, my prince-" You tell him, as you curtesy. "I'll make sure to only sing my praises of your existence, your majesty." The tips of his ears are deepening into a dark blush, and his cheeks are also discolouring.

"That's more like it, woman! Though, Saiyans always greeted me on one knee-" you cut him off, grinning.

"You want to see me on my knees? Dirty prince." His whole face turns red, and you can feel his Ki rise significantly.

"Y-you vile woman! Such tactless behaviour- such a dishonourable sneak attack!" He stutters angrily, his eyes becoming a beautiful teal and his hair a vibrant blonde, once again. You giggle before rubbing his chest to calm him down.

"I'm only kidding 'Geets-" he grumbles looking away from you, face still flushed. He snaps out of Super Saiyan, and his blush lowers significantly. "Hey, wait a minute! Why don't we train together?" His head snaps back at you, intrigued.

"Why should I train with you?" He asks unkindly. You roll your eyes at his attitude.

"Well, for starters, your little playroom is broken-" his eyebrows furrow and he is reminded of his loss. "Secondly, I've had the worst training block in my life. I can't do anything right and having someone like you train with me will surely help!" He ponders this for a moment.

"Fine. But only because, as you put it, "my playroom is broken"." You smile at him, and grab his wrist to drag him to an open field far away from Bulma's ire.

"Tch. We could've flown here." He crosses his arms, raising a brow.

"Yeah, but sometimes walking through nature helps clear the mind, and prepares me for a battle." You say, as you roll your shoulder and stretch your body.

"C'mon Vegeta, I know you've said that I am a competent fighter-" Vegeta cuts you off angrily.

"Does that putrid woman share all my secrets?!" He goes back into Super Saiyan, getting into fighting position. You giggle as you also stance up.

"She's being harmless, 'Geta." He comes towards you first, fist almost breaking through your block.

"Jesus Vegeta. You need to slow down so the rest of us can catch up!" You huff out, faces close together. You blush as your eyes wander to his lips.

"I will never "slow down" so that a mere Earthling can catch up to the Prince of all Saiyans-" You punch his gut as he speaks, and he barely reacts to it, eyes widening. You aim a kick to his ribs, but he quickly grabs your calf, and spins you. You use your other foot to kick his sternum, and fly up in the air. You dodge and hit eachother, nothing that would really need a Senzu. Then you decide to up the stakes.

"I've been practicing this technique- CATASTROPHIC CANON-" [note: idk man im trying] A massive ball of red-hued Ki shoots towards Vegeta. In his mind, the move sounded idiotic, so surely he could handle its power. The ball then splits into three and hits him from all angles. He's never seen a move that did that! He was impressed, but it could be stronger.

"That was cute, woman! Let me show you a real show stopper- GALICK GUN!" You tried to dodge, but it was too late. Like a meteor, you crash into the ground under you, creating a crater around your body. Vegeta's eyes widen as he flies towards you, worried.

"Woman!" When you don't answer, he walks closer, concerned.

"Woman?-" Your eyes were closed, but your chest was still moving. "Y/N?" He's right next to you now. You grab his ankle, and flip him so you land on top of him. You sit on his lap, and hold his arms up over his head, panting loudly. Blood is dripping down a gash from your forehead, and he can't help but find you to be the most beautiful being he's ever seen.

"I-" You inhale. "Win-" exhale, looking deep into his eyes. He tries to break out of your hold, but you grip his wrists tightly, and he flinches.

"That was dirty!" Vegeta protests, blushing. You get closer to him, your breathes mingling.

"I'll make sure to play nicely next time, Prince Vegeta-" His lips catch yours in ah instant. Your lips mold to his perfectly, and the small moan you let out is not unnoticed by the Saiyan. Your grip on his wrists loosened, and he takes advantage of your vulnerability to flip you under him. Your thighs wrap around his small waist, and you pull him closer to you, grinding up to him.

Your open your mouth and you begin another battle. His tongue and yours lash against eachother, and you further explore his mouth, tracing your tongue over his teeth. Your tongue caresses over his canines, which were sharper because of his Alien heritage. You puncture yourself on them, and he moans out when a drop of your blood lands on his tongue. You pull away to look him, eyes wide.

"Please-p-please Vegeta." You whimper. He looks at you, panting slowly.

"Call me by my real title, sweetheart." You moan, pushing forward to kiss his neck. You lick up and down his pulse point. He moans into your hair, and you feel a rush of slick leave your body. He sniffs the air around you before groaning.

"I can smell you sweetheart-" You whimper into him, before licking up to the shell of his ear.

"Please Prince Vegeta. Please touch me." He pulls you up off the ground, still grinding into you softly.

"As you wish, princess-" He shoots off the ground, flying quickly back to Capsule Corp to continue what you had both started. As he flies through the skies, you continue to lick and kiss his neck, before biting down on junction between his neck and shoulder. He growls in your ear before pulling away to look into your eyes.

"Do that one more time and I'll make sure you can't ever walk again." His focus goes from one eye to the other, and you can't help the surge of need that flows through you from his attentiveness.

"That better be a promise, my prince-" Before you could end your sentence, he's already landed on his balcony, and has slammed the door open with his foot. He kicks the door shut behind him and lays you on the bed. He watches you for a moment, as you wriggle to lean on your elbows and look up at him.

"Why are you staring at me?" You ask curiously, a blush forming on the apples of your cheeks. He bites the fingertip of one of his gloves, pulling it off, before mirroring the action for his other hand.

"You remind me of the women from my planet-" You roll your eyes at him.

"Usually during sex, you don't tell the person you're about to sleep with they remind you of someone else." He barks a laugh at that, trailing his hands near your ankles, pulling off your shoes and working his way up your legs, caressing the muscles there.

"You're strong- physically and mentally. You're talented in many trades, multi-faceted. Powerful-" he begins to kiss his way up your torso, his warmth bleeding through your clothing. "Intelligent. Beautiful. Alluring. You have an air around you-" He cuts himself off then, having kissed his way up to your face and stopping.

"You possess much more than any of the women of this planet. You call to me in ways the people of my planet never did. You're much more than the sum of all these things together. I've always thought this." He murmurs as he looks into your eyes. He sees your eyes shine before you speak up.

"I've always admired your strength-" You begin to say as you caress his arms, before pulling his calloused hands towards your lips and kissing each fingertip, each scratch and mark that makes him, Vegeta. "You're much more than your physical prowess Vegeta. You're mental fortitude, after everything you've been through- continue to go through-" You exhale loudly. You hold his face in your hands.

"You are the ultimate warrior. You always compare yourself to Goku but in my eyes you will always be more than he is." You thought you saw his eyes water, but he burrows his face into your neck before taking a deep breathe.

"Princess, I need you. I've wanted to conquer this body like the thousands of planets I've conquered in the name of the Saiyan Army. I want to watch you quiver underneath me as I take everything you have to offer- and much more." He growls out, showing his teeth. You whimper, once again getting wet at his words. He plays you like an instrument- and he's the maestro. You quickly pull off your clothing until you are naked under him. He admires your body quietly, before looking into your eyes.

"Fuck me Vegeta. Breed me like I'm yours." He bites his lip looking at you.

"You already are mine. I'll make sure to mold your body to mine, woman-" You bite down on his neck, as a form of chastising him.

"Don't call me woman-" You warn him softly. He groans in your ear and his hands roam your curves. His fingers find the peaks of each breast, twisting and rubbing with the pads of his fingers. Your hands wander across the planes of his body that are still covered by his blue training gear.

"What should I call you, Y/N?" He asks you softly, before taking your right nipple in his mouth.

"F-Fuck Vegeta. Please call me yours, call m-me princess~" He groans at your words, his arousal showing through his clothes. "Show everyone who I belong to-" You never felt so dirty in your life; pleading for a man to call you his, never in your life could you imagine the submissive turn this took. You want to take control back, so you flip yourself back on top. He looks up at you, biting his lip.

"Such a good princess for me. Pleasing your Prince like a good girl~" You growl at that, grinding down hard into the clear outline of his heavy cock. You begin to tug on the collar of his training gear.

"I'm gonna rip this off of you and ride you. I wanna be a good girl for my Prince." He smirks at that, before his eyes widen at the ripping sound his gear makes. You pull the tattered fabric off his body, nails lightly scraping the surface of his skin.

"So handsome, and strong. Perfect for protecting me~" You whisper in a sing sing voice, before kissing down his body. You start from his lips and work your way down. You can tell your bites and hickeys are already mostly healed, so you leave a couple more before kissing his pecs and lavishing his nipples in attention. He covers his mouth to muffle a moan, as he squeezes his eyes shut.

"Don't shy away from me now Vegeta. Let me hear you." You tell him, pulling his arm away. He pants at you, eyes wide.

"T-these damn sneak attacks!" You grin at his words.

"I'll show you a sneak attack-" You begin the sentence, before gripping his cock in your hand. Its girth is unimaginable, your hand barely closing around it. His length is above average, and you could already tell you would spend many days worshiping his cock if you could.

You slowly thrust your fist up and down his length, watching how his cock pulsed under your hand. You could tell there was something peculiar about it, like the small ridges near the head and the particularly thick vein on the underside. Your other hand goes to his balls, which seemed to have already been straining for attention.

He whimpers as you touch him, but swears as soon as your tongue touches his slit.

"Fuck~ just like that princess-" You moan around his cock, taking the head into your mouth and giving it small sucks and kitten licks.

"Such a good little Earth whore for her Saiyan Prince- f-fuck. Can't wait to fill you with my royal seed." You didn't realize Vegeta was so vocal during sex. You pull your mouth off him and sit on your haunches, slowly stroking your up and down his cock.

"W-why'd you stop?" He asks angrily, hair flicking to blonde for a moment. You hover over his body, before grinning.

"Let's put that mouth to good use-" You sit on his face looking down at him. You hear him inhale through his nose deeply, before he looks up at you, lust prominent in his eyes. You bite your lip before tugging on his hair, and in a moment his fingers latch onto your thighs, and his tongue takes a wide lick up your slit. You look into his eyes to see him staring at your face. His tongue continues to take wide licks, before it enters inside your pussy. He licks up the juice that leaks out of you, groaning under you. You moan out his name as he does so, and hear him muttering under you.

"Taste so good for your Prince. Such a good girl-" You moan out loud, before you have to use your left hand to hold yourself up. You stretch your right arm behind you, and grip his cock, before giving him a sloppy handjob. He grunts under you, before unhooking his left hand from your thighs and spreading you open. You caterwaul when his tongue finds your clit, swirling and giving it attention while he lets his thick middle finger stretch you out by entering in and out of you slowly.

"F-Fuck Vegeta." You knew you were being too loud, and were worried about an audience outside the door.

"That's right princess. Tell everyone who this pussy belongs too." The slurping noise he makes is whorish, and your mind instantly clears of all thought.

"Fuck-fuck-FUCK!" You begin to grind on his face, slick leaving you in waves.

"That's right Y/N. Tell me what you want-" He enters a second finger inside of you, the stretch delicious.

"Want to cum- need to cum so badly Vegeta! Please please please-" You beg him, your hand and body moving in tandem with one another.

"Gonna make this pretty pussy cum all over my tongue-" He mutters, grinning. You look down and see the predatory look in his eyes.

"Please Daddy- please let me cum~" You're just blabbing random words, brain short circuiting at the intense pleasure between the apex of your thighs.

"Daddy?" He grunts at that.

"Want me to be your daddy?" You don't answer him right away, but he gets a response out of you when he takes his mouth away from your pussy and bites down on the side of your thigh, canines breaking skin. You groan in pain, the pleasure being elevated by his roughness.

"Answer me princess." He demands, fingers still entering and exiting your body languidly.

"Y-yes Vegeta. Be my Daddy, my Prince. F-fuck. Just let me cum!" You beg him, tears in your eyes at the edging Vegeta put you through.

"What a good girl. Such a good girl for daddy-" His lips latch onto your little pearl, sucking and licking, with his canines bumping into the sensitive bundle of nerves. The attention serves to be too much, and your sight goes white. You cum on his face, but more than that you squirt a little. He continues to suck on your pussy, the twitching and wailing from the body above him not stopping his actions.

He licks up your mess, enjoying that all his senses are surrounded by you. When your body goes lax he releases you, laying you under him to continue his caressing and kissing on your body. He pays particular attention to the junction of your neck, where he leaves a deep bite. The bite snaps you out of your euphoric ride, eyes widened at the sudden pain. You must've made too much noise, because Vegeta covers your mouth with his hand, as he licks up the mark. You can already feel the skin begin to mend itself, as his Saiyan saliva speeds the healing process. His hand releases your mouth when you're no longer whimpering in pain.

"Now everyone will know who you belong to-" He grunts at you, his hands caressing your torso and the undersides of your breasts. You look into his eyes, panting at his attention.

"Fuck me." You tell him, touching him on his forearm. He grins at you, sharp canines stained with your blood.

"Excuse me?" He asks you, acting galled at your words. Without answering him, you push him to sit on his haunches between your thighs. As you do so, his eyes wander your body, his tongue reaching out between the seam of his lips to lick them. Your hand trails down your body, and as you begin to pant with need, you spread your pussy open, and his eyes widen at the sight of your slick leaking out.

"Fuck me, Saiyan." Your voice was authoritative, and without warning, Vegeta growls and pulls your thighs closer to him.

"With pleasure, princess." He pushes your legs all the way down, your knees bumping into your shoulders. You grab your legs by the backs of your knees, and he takes his cock in his hand and strokes your pussy. When his tip would bump into your clit you'd moan loudly and he'd chuckle at you, breathless.

"Look at you; your crumbling resolve left you cock hungry for the Prince of all Saiyans." He begins to push himself into you, the stretch of his cock nothing like the stretch from his fingers. You find yourself flinching at the intrusion, and Vegeta notices. He pushes himself all the way in slowly, before putting you both into a mating press. Your nipples were sensitive dragging against his chest. He looks into your eyes and whispers.

"You're doing great, sweetheart. Such a good princess for daddy-" His hand snakes between your bodies, and begins to rub your clit as he begins to move. The minor pain from the girth of him begins to ebb away, and pleasure begins to take its place.

"F-fuck Vegeta. So b-big." He chuckles, before groaning.

"Princess. You're so fucking tight. Gonna fuck this pussy good. 'N make you squirt again." He mumbles out, words slurred by the feeling of your pussy squeezing him. You whimper at his words, beginning to grind into his cock as he moves.

"H-harder Daddy. Fuck me good. P-Please-" You beg, almost weeping with tears running down your cheeks. . He wipes your tears before using both hands to brace himself onto the bed.

"Anything for you." He says passionately. It struck a cord in you, the sincerity of his words making you gaze at him with love. The intensity of your coupling is one you've never experienced, and your body and soul feel overstimulated by everything Vegeta. His thrusts are strong, and your legs slip out of your hold as you grip the bedsheets under you, needing something to ground yourself.

Your legs wrap around his hips, and the heel of your foot bumps into the patch of fur at the small of his waist where his tail used to be. He moans out, his voice loud. You notice him blushing as he looks into your eyes. His thrusts go harder, and he grabs both your hands to lock his fingers with yours.

"Just like that princess- fuck." He grunts. You reach up to lock your lips together. Your bodies have become one at this point, with a feeling of oneness you had never felt in your life. You begin to purposefully rub the heel of your foot into the patch of fur, as you near your release. After a couple strokes of your foot, he shouts into your mouth, cumming into your pussy.

The twitching of his cock triggers your release, and you cum around his cock. You stay together for a moment, tongues languidly rubbing against eachother. He pulls away softly, panting. He begins to pull himself up, to watch where you are both connected. He groans again.

"Look at you princess. Creamed around my cock. Such a messy girl-" Your pussy twitches and he bites his lip. His eyes flicker teal for a moment.

"Don't tempt me to ravage you again, (Y/N)." You grin at him, acting coy.

"Sorry my Prince." He smiles softly at you, pushing hair away from your face. He then pulls out, and you whimper at the feeling of cum leaking out of you. He pushes his fingers into you, scooping up his seed and filling you back up.

"None of my seed should go to waste. You're the perfect mate." He growls possessively.

"Is that so?" You ask him. He nods. After a couple minutes of silence, he pulls his fingers out slowly, and you moan softly. He chuckles at the sound, before going into his bathroom. He closes the door for two minutes. You sigh, turning yourself so your laying on your side, leaning your head on your hand. You watch the door, eyebrows jumping when you hear a bang and a muffled "shit" through the door. Not a moment later, Vegeta leaves the bathroom with boxers on and a damp hand towel in his grip. He comes towards you, and slowly pulls you into his lap.

"What's all this?" You ask him softly, voice hardly louder than a whisper.

"After a Saiyan mating bite, the male is supposed to take care of the female. I'm going to clean you up and take care of you." His voice has mellowed out, with a softness which you haven't ever heard from Vegeta.

"Mating bite?" You ask curiously. Vegeta slowly wipes your neck, before moving to the apex of your thighs, cleaning your combines releases from you.

"Saiyans don't normally mate for life, but when we do we bite each other. Some scars, like mating bites, don't heal and we use them as markers of possession. Its to make sure female Saiyans don't get taken advantage of. It also helps mix our scents." You hum softly, eyes fluttering closed at his gentle strokes on your weak body.

"So I am yours?" You ask gently. He hums, before his other hand goes to stroke your hair.

"For life." Your eyes widen as you look at him. He looks nervously at your face. You pout and huff angrily. He flinches at your anger, and before he could apologize you cut him off.

"Well that's not fair. How am I supposed to mark you back?" His eyes widen.

"You're.. not upset at me?" You smile up at him, taking his cheek in your hand and rubbing it with your thumb.

"Out of all the people on this planet I'm the only one who can handle you most of the time. If that isn't an admission of love I really can't think of one-" You get pulled into a hug, and you hear him sigh sadly. You rub his back up and down.

"Listen Vegeta, I meant those words I said before. I really do admire you, and I do want to stick by your side. I mean, a warning would have been nice-" You say jokingly. He huffs a laugh. "But I really love being with you." You pull him away from you, and you see a small tear in his eye. You pull him forward and kiss his forehead.

"But never call me woman again!" You tell him warningly. He laughs out loud at that, and smiles widely.

"Alright, princess." You both lay back down, cuddling and spending the rest of your day in bed, ignoring the outside world.

END

---

BONUS:

"Vegeta isn't answering his phone-" Goku says worryingly to Bulma, who he bumped into while looking for the missing Saiyan.

"Yeah, he was busy." Bulma answers, before a full body shiver goes through her. Goku looks at her worried.

"Are you sick Bulma? And Vegeta knows we are training today-" Bulma snaps her fingers in his face.

"Goku, he's with (Y/N)." Goku looks at her confused.

"Are they training?" He asks innocently.

"Horizontally." Bulma says chuckling, before walking away. Goku looks down and thinks.

"Is that a better way to train?" He asks himself.

#vegeta x reader #vegeta x y/n #vegeta x you #dragon ball #Vegeta #Dragon #Ball

[lovely-peace]

Burning moon 1.

Summary: The reader is devastated at Remus nothing saying answer and thinks of it like an rejection. To overcome this they try to forget their love for him but is failing miserably. But Remus doesn't react to their coldness like they expected...

Warnings: self hatred, unrequited love?, angst, Sirius( jk I love him), over thinking, bad communication

~If you see this and haven't read Part 1 I advise you to read it before reading this so you understand what is happening. This part is simply a sequel to part 1 and isn't bound to the song like the first part

masterlist part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6

I was glad the year was almost over after... I confessed. I could go on with my life and go out of his way. Lily was trying to make me go out with the others, but I had plenty of reasons I could tell her why I couldn't go.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah Lily, my stomach hurts pretty bad and I don't think I should go. "

Of course after one week of excuses she would grew suspicioun, but the year was over.

I could go home. I would have some time alone.

It was like I had some luck in my misery.

I really tried to ignore my feelings. I really did, but it was like a really persistent bug that wouldn't fly away. Whenever I heard Remus' name my heart would beat faster. My cheeks went red, and my thoughts circled around him constantly.

It was disgusting. I was disgusting.

I didn't look at him. I didn't sit next to him at lunch like I always did. I didn't acknowledge his existence.

And still. He was still everywhere I went.

At the last day of school we were going to the train station like always. Of course with Remus. Their whole friend group said bye to each other including myself and Remus. It was awkward, really.

I had always hugged everybody and cried when I had to say goodbye.

Not this year.

The most I could do was to say goodbye to everyone.

"Is our little princess not sad she has to leave us behind, this year??" Sirius said with a grin, but he had this look in his face I couldn't read.

"What can I say? You are pretty annoying Sirius and I have to return to my kingdom!" I joked and tried to smile and laugh.

It was the fakest laugh I ever heard.

"Don't forget to write! It always gets so boring without you." Alice said. She was a really good friend and even tho she wasn't good friends with the marauders, she still came to them from time to time.

"Of course Alice! I can't ever forget to write you." I exclaimed and smiled at her. The train was about to start. I always sit with Lily and Mary in one cabin so we always said goodbye to each other before the train started.

Then Remus looked at me. His eyes seemed to bore through my soul and I felt like he saw everything that was going on inside of me.

And I hated him for that.

I hated his pretty eyes and how they made me flush. I hated that I couldn't think straight in his presence after everything I did to overcome him.

I hated that he still had control over me.

"I hope you have a great Sommer. Don't overwork yourself, alright? You can always write me too, if you want to talk." he said. He smiled at me and seemed so sincere.

And I just said :" Yeah, bye." and got on board of the train.

I know that was unfair. He was so nice to me and I just ignored his presence. I didn't even look him in the eyes when I said that.

But I was hurt. No scratch that.

But I was angry. Angry at him that he pretended everything was normal. But more importantly I was angry at myself. At my weakness for him. At my constant thoughts about him. At my love for him.

Lily and Mary followed me after they said goodbye themselves. I sat down inside of an empty Cain and waited for them.

I felt tears in my eyes. It was burning. But I swallowed them before the others came in. I just looked out of the windows while they put down their things.

There was a tense silence.

Mary broke the silence first.

"What was that?" she said.

I didn't look away from the window. I just replied :"What was what?". Even though I knew what she was talking about.

"Come on you know. That between you and Remus!"

"I don't know what you are talking about."

Now Lily stepped in. "We are not dumb, Y/n. We know you are ignoring him. And that out on the train station? That was just cold." she said.

I remained quiet.

"Look whatever you are mad at, talk to Remus about it! He is really worried about you." Mary exclaimed.

They didn't know. Anger boiled up inside of me. It seemed like they made Remus the victim of this situation. They didn't know. They knew nothing about my pain in the last months.

The months I hoped he would answer me. The months I hoped for his love.

I wanted to Scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to tell them. NOW.

I smiled at them instead.

"It is really nothing. I just didn't want to miss the train."

Lily raised her eyebrow. " Yeah sure."

The tense silence was back and filled the room.

This time Lily broke it.

"Why... Why aren't you talking to us? Are you mad at us too?"

That caught me off guard. Was I mad at them? I realized that I was. Yeah, I was furious, because they didn't know anything. That they didn't look for me when we were at hogsmead. And I know that's stupid, life doesn't revolve around me, but we were friends.

Friends cared and looked after each other.

Like Remus did,because I am his friend nothing more.

The tears came back and I began to tremble. What was wrong with me?

" What is wrong? You know you can tell us." Mary said and her kind and gentle voice brought me back to reality.

She was right. I could tell them.

But should I?

They were also friends with Remus. I know we were good friends, but in the end they maybe would tell him why I was ignoring him. And I didn't want him to know.

I felt ashamed of myself. Of my weakness.

But in this brief moment I didn't listen to my thoughts. I just said :"I am angry at you, because you didn't look after me. In hogsmead."

When i saw Lily's wide eyes I immediately regretted what I said. I didn't want to guilt trip them. I was stupid, stupid, stup-

"I'm sorry."

What?

"Remus told us you weren't feeling well and that you went to the toilet. He told us he will stay behind and look after you."

Stop talking about him! Stop saying nice stuff about him!

"I didn't know you were having a tough time... But I should have at least asked after you. I'm deeply sorry." Lily said.

In this moment I couldn't stop the tears. I cried like someone died. And maybe someone did. I didn't even recognize myself.

They stopped asking questions about remus. I wasn't in the right state to tell them, but I would tell them eventually.

When the train arrived, I took my things and ran off the train. I could not see him again today. Not after this conversation. I ran away into the holidays. Away from my problems just somewhere else.

And the sun didn't see the burning look in the moons eyes as he saw his sun ran away.

Taglist:

@juleshadalittlelamb @fluffybunnyu

#marauders #marauders era #remus lupin #remus lupin angst #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x reader #dead gay wizards

[vivyen-qwq]

Can we please talk about Knuckles history/ past?

I just saw a tick tock video, which topping was sad history and showed pictures of Movie Sonic, Tails, Knuckles (and that fanmade movie Shadow version).

That made me think.

When I was a kid, I always saw Knuckles as my favorite character because he was cool, red, and strong. But today, he is my favorite because of his sad story. And I personally think that he has the most sadest story of all Sonic characters. Allow me to explain:

1. He has no real family. His entire race died because they wanted to use the Chaos and the Master Emerald for evil stuff. They all died, and Tikal sacrificed herself to seal Chaos. So Knuckles had to grow up by himself, hunting/ finding food, without a mother or father or anyone, all by himself, alone for 16 years. I mean, yes, the little Chaos are there to keep him company, but they can't talk or take care of him much of him.

2. His feelings: He is naive and believed Eggman several times and teamed up with him, despite knowing that Eggman was evil, but still tried to see the good in him, which was all for nothing, because Eggman used him. Then we have Rouge, the flying bat thieve who is trying to get the Master Emerald. She would fight and flirt her way through to get what she wanted and now image. This boy never had someone to love him, so he doesn't really know what love is (I guess) and now imagine how it would feel to have a girl flirting with you, but not being sure if she is serious about this or just wants the Master Emerald. This makes Knuckles even more insecure than he already is because he is constantly alarmed when someone calls out Rouges' name like we saw in the Tails tube video.

3. Angel Island: Like I mentioned in the first point, Knuckles' ancestors wanted to use the power of chaos for evil stuff, so Knuckles wants to fix his ancestor's mistakes by guarding and protecting the island without any help from others. But the problem is, if he doesn't take the other's help, then he will never be free from that burden. Everyone can be on earth and go wherever they desire, but he can't. He is trapped on the island because he knows that no one except him will guard the Master Emerald without even a "thank you". A lot of people are not seeing how much Knuckles does to protect others by staying on Angel Island and protecting that Emerald.

Also, he is the only one who can communicate with the M.E. to neutralize the Chaos Emeralds' power. He will forever be bound to that big responsibility, whether he likes it or not. He is never going to be free, and he knows it. That's why he sees no real purpose in life except for having fun and doing your best (what he said in the Twitter takeover). I mean, yes, he leaves the island to watch "One Punch Man" at Cream's and Vanilas' place, but guess who will probably use that to his advantage: Eggman.

4. His friends: Sonic seems to be the only one who really cares about Knuckle's lonelynes. When they had that short, deep talk during Frontiers, Sonic said that his friends were there to support him. But in the last Twitter takeover, when it was mentioned that Knuckles had a fan, he talked very low of himself, seeing himself as a character who doesn't or shouldn't have fans. Sonic told him to be nicer to his fans, and Amy asked him about his personality, where he replied that everything sucks. It was quite obvious that Knuckles spoke very low of himself, but Tails tried to brush him off.

Why wouldn't his friends try to be more supporting, maybe saying that it wasn't really his fault? Or trying to make him see the good things in himself?

Like, Tails got into a big group hug when they were told that Tails didn't have a home back then. Or when they talk about Maria when Shadow is there, it is a sensitive topping, and they are making sure not to hurt Shadow's feelings. Or when Sonic had that dream about him saving the city and no one noticing, they gave him therapy.

But Knuckles doesn't get that treatment?

Yes, Sonic talked to him in Frontiers, but why not in the takeover? Why not get more support for him?

So yeah, that's what I've been thinking.

Knuckles sure had some character development, but it doesn't change his history or the fact that he will forever have to stay on the floating island.

I really would like it if someone stayed by his side and visited him sometimes so Knuckle could have some rest or simply would have someone to talk to for at least once in a while.

#knuckles the echidna #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #dr. eggman #tails the fox #miles tails prower #amy rose #Knuckle's history #give this boy some therapy a hug and a best friend!

[cellsshapedlikestars]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @hilarychuff

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

honestly, I'm sometimes embarrassed by how much I've written in the 3 1/2 years since I started posting. Currently 66

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,350,298. yikes.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

at this point, Jonsa. we do not talk about The Prior Fandom

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

a fairytale ending (by a WIDE margin)

the mating game

take me out

moth's wings

ever fallen in love (on national TV)

(shocker, it's all my romcoms lmao. also, let's not talk about how the top 4 are all fake dating fics. I can't help myself)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to. I used to do it on all fics, but as discussed above, I'm a wordy bitch and at points responding to all comments on, for example, one shot event fics that I would post back-to-back got overwhelming. So I allowed myself to stop responding to comments on one shots. Recently I had quite the mental health dip and didn't respond to any for a while, but I think I'm back.

Part of the reason I like fandom is the sense of community. I started responding to comments on my first fic because I hadn't resurrected my tumblr from the grave yet, so it was the only way to interact with the fandom. Then I continued to because I appreciated the comments, even if they were simple and I had nothing else to say except thank you. I still try to on chaptered fics because, let's face it, without comments and without community, I wouldn't be posting my stories.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably my WWI one-shot

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I try to write at least *hopeful* endings for all my fics. I don't know if I can quantify "happiest", because I think that's different for everyone.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

of course. I feel like it's a rite of passage on ao3 to get some shitty hate comments

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

*through clenched teeth* I sure do

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I'm not really a fan of crossovers tbh

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I'm aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

not that I'm aware of

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope! I don't think I could tbh. I'm sort of a control freak and I even have problems letting people pre-read things, I have no idea why. I think the only people I've let pre-read anything are @hilarychuff (who is my brainstorm buddy) and @greenhikingboots (who is the reason the last chapter of the ghost inside made any coherent sense)

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I mean, Jonsa. I honestly don't ship that often

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

sigh. white knuckles.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm very fast at it lmao. Like, seriously. I type very fast. I'm also somehow really good at starting a fic off with only an inciting incident, no other real plans, and somehow coming up with a full plot/ending that I'm satisfied with, while posting it as I develop the story

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

outlines. smut.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I can barely handle English my guy

19. First fandom you wrote for?

hmmm that depends on what the criteria is. First fandom I wrote for was Sailor Moon, I just never posted it anywhere. Harry Potter was technically the first fandom I posted for, but it was one chapter and I never continued it and I genuinely can't even remember what it was called, all I remember is Harry melted Voldemort with a bucket of soapy water like in the Enchanted Forest Chronicles.

The first fandom I was actually active in and wrote more than just a chapter was... A secret. I'm actually a little embarrassed about it and my fics are still floating around out there and some of them make me cringe sooooo hard. I don't think I've ever admitted to it here on tumblr dot com and I don't think I will now

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

help me out of the shape I'm in

I'm always so anxious about tagging people and leaving people out and making them feel bad, but I'll try to do it anyway. @greenhikingboots @sibyldisobedience @thewolvescalledmehome @esther-dot @periwinkle39 @eruherdiriel and anyone else who wants to do this! (also, no pressure to anyone I did tag lol)

#ask game

[silly-little-noodlee]

Many people have recently been discussing the KOSA law that is most likely going into effect in 2 days. If it does pass, I will no longer be active here or on main. I just want to say that this community is the safest I've felt in a long time, and I made so many amazing friends that I may never see again after Sunday. I've been able to be myself with very little fear, and I don't think I'd get the same safety in most other communities.

Rant below (CW: Slight mentions of suicide, skip to the other red text to avoid it)

I remember when I made my first real friend online back in October 2020. I was playing Human Fall Flat on a random server and I met 2 people, Cyan and Ram (not real nicknames). All 3 of us were big fans of Undertale at the time and we friended each other on Steam. One thing lead to another and I was in a large friend group. I also met someone named Spice (also not real nickname) who became my best friend for 2 and a half years. I'm no longer in contact with anyone in that friend group but that group basically saved my life. While I knew them I was going through a lot and I nearly attempted multiple times, but they were what saved me.

While the internet isn't perfect, and it did cause some of my trauma, it did so much for me and without it I would most likely be a carbon copy of my mom. I wouldn't know anything about myself and this might sound like an exaggeration, but there's a chance I would be dead. Social media helped me discover my interests, my identity, and pretty much everything about me, and I've learned so much the 7 years I've had access to the internet.

End of longish rant and TW

If KOSA really does pass, I will lose a lot of what has made me myself, I'll lose contact with a lot of my friends, and I don't know if I'll be prepared for it. However, this does not mean I won't stop spreading awareness. I'll fight until the very last second.

This really may be a forever or at least temporary goodbye, so I just want anyone I'm strictly friends with online to know I appreciate them so much. I'll be replaying every memory in my head for as my brain allows me to hold onto them. Every time I made my friends laugh, every fake argument, every game of Putt Party, every time my art was rudely eaten, and all the amazing experiences I had along the way.

As a potential last contribute to Tumblr, I present Mums the Clown.

#noodles says stuff #semi tk content? #stop kosa #kosa law #kosa act #stop kosa act #fuck kosa #internet freedom #kosa bill #fuck the kosa bill #bad internet bills #my art #clown art

[these-detestable-hands]

HELLO I'm so normal about my guys. Here's a post going into detail about Ira and Edith's relationship! This includes how Volkaire ruins it

NOTE: when I call Edith a republican, I mean this definition of the word:

"an advocate of republican government.

"those who favored the continuance of the republic made every effort to defeat the monarchists and to have republicans elected in their places""

(source: google dictionary, third definition)

I am NOT referring to the modern US American meaning of the word. I would beat you senseless if you implied for even a second that Edith supported the republican party.

Ira and Edith have vaguely each other for about 15 years but have only been friends for the last 11 or so.

Edith has always been aware of Ira's close friendship with the emperor but didn't really have a problem with it because, A, Volkaire used to be more normal and, B, Volkaire was only a prince when he befriended Ira.

Now, it upsets Edith a lot and they've drifted apart a bit. Ira feels that he cares more about Volkaire but it's clearly a sort of one sided friendship because Ira cares about him deeply but Volkaire only uses and manipulates Ira for selfish goals.

Had Edith and Ira become friends when they first met, Ira wouldn't be a royalist at all.

I think with them drifting apart, there isn't really anyone to blame but Volkaire. Ira was never taught any better and obviously cannot recognize that he is being manipulated. Edith didn't know how badly Volkaire was treating Ira until it was too late to try suggest he stops hanging out with Volkaire.

They've only been drifting apart for the last year though because Volkaire has only been emperor for about 18 months at this point. There's a good 10 years where they're very good and close friends.

Judgement I / pre canon

Honestly I kinda wanna say they were in a qpr for the second half of those 10 years. You just KNOW Edith reads over paperwork while Ira naps on her lap like a cat. This makes Volkaire basically tearing them apart much worse. They meant everything to each other for a while there and then that stupid asshole Volkaire ruined it :( they're my characters though, I'm having fun hurting them :3 anything to make Edith's death more sad amirite. Also now as I'm writing this post I've decided Edith is aroace

Judgement II / during the story

By the time Edith gets arrested, Ira does feel a little bit weird about her. He still absolutely loves her but he's worried about her because he thinks she's gone mad. She keeps telling him about her republican ideas but he's firmly a royalist

Ira doesn't think Edith should have been sent to prison. This is also kinda when Ira starts doubting Volkaire, just a little bit.

"Edith only spoke out against you. Yes it's rude and none of what she said was true, but she didn't physically hurt or harass anyone so she committed no crime."

"Is it not wrong to speak against your fellow man? Is that no longer a crime crime? Or am I different? Is it suddenly okay to slander me because I am the emperor?"

You get the idea.

Edith, on the other hand, just feels very frustrated. She wants to be with her dear friend/partner/??? Ira but the emperor keeps them apart and she's frustrated and upset because she knows that Volkaire is using Ira but she can't tell him or even imply it without Ira getting upset. It's just a very sad situation.

Judgement III / end

By the last few chapters, they've almost completely drifted apart. They've talked twice since Edith was arrested but argued both times. They've communicated a bit these last few weeks, but very indirectly. It would all happen through a messenger, they'd either repeat what the other wanted to convey or hand over a letter. The letters were always very impersonal and professional.

After this when they begin the march on the mountains, they still can't talk. Ira desperately wants to see Edith but she doesn't want to. Finally, the day before the battle, Edith agrees to see him for a bit.

They talk about the weather and battle strategy. It's been so long and the upcoming battle have them both on edge so neither really knows what to say. At the end, Edith finally breaks and tells Ira she missed him. She says she's excited to spend time with him again after the battle. Since the arrest, Edith hasn't talked much to her family. She invites Ira to come with her when she talks to her parents and he agrees.

Actually the interaction doesn't end like that, I changed my mind. They do battle planning with the rest of the group and afterwards then Edith pulls Ira aside. The conversation starts really impersonal but Edith breaks and talks about how much she's missed him. They talk and talk for hours and catch up. They cuddle and fall asleep together.

Next morning they'd probably be inseparable, they've missed each other and want to be together again. They're not even remotely close to each other during the battle due to the formation so they split up around noon and promise to spend a quiet, uneventful month together when they have time.

After the battle, everyone is searching the battlefield for corpses. Ira is probably walking around with Elijah and Mila, crying tears of joy because it's all over and they're free. He sees Edith's corpse in the mud and immediately freezes. She's pale, clearly been dead for at least an hour. Her body's been trampled on too, people kept running back and forth and did not have time to look at what they stepped on. No one had seen her when she was shot. The arrow that killed her wasn't even on a part of her body that would have been an instant or even quick death. Had she just gotten medical attention, she could have easily survived. Instead, she bled out on a muddy plateau, hundreds of kilometers from her home and with no one to even watch as she drew her final breath.

Ira stayed in the capital for a few months for Edith's funeral and to talk to her friends and family but left the first chance he got. The plan was that he would be part of the new government that was to rise from the ashes of the old monarchy, but he changed his mind and went to the countryside to go back to a life of farming, similar to the one that was laid out for him when he was a kid. Ira isn't very much without Edith.

#Unsolicited oc lore

[sunskate]

CPom on Polina Edmunds's podcast pt 2:

Choreo from last year- what did it feel like to have the newness in choreography and those names inspiring you C: they're the best choreographers in the world - they produce good programs after good programs - it was a dream to work with them, they bring such a creative energy every day, from Marie-France, Madi, Sam- they have such a vision and a genius about skating. it's a dream to work with A: last year I was coming from an injury and a shortened off season, so everyone came together to strategize what the best music was and how to connect everything together. We're really happy to have had the team we had, because it made my comeback very good

Last season was a breath of fresh air after a couple challenging seasons- missing Nationals in 2020 because of covid, then 2021 finishing 7th at Nationals, Anthony's injury, though you finished the season strong at 4CC with a bronze medal- You came back brilliantly this season- you went to your first Worlds - talk about the impact-

They were in contact with someone who had covid and found out 3 days before they left, didn't have covid but couldn't go to Nationals. C: i wish my test came back positive because at least then would be missing because i was sick. perfectly healthy but had to sit at home. was crying all the time A: pretty devastating - felt like they were in the best shape they could be in. wanted to redeem themselves from not the best performance at Skate America that year. so having that opportunity taken away was devastating. that was when we made the decision to move on from Igor. hard times make better people, but it was hard. also wouldn't have my dog George if it wasn't for that. C: when they got the call [that they couldn't go, Anthony] didn't say anything, but stood up, said I'm getting a dog, and left my house A: i stayed off social media that week [of Nationals], and as soon as it was over, i drove to Ohio to get my dog, George

Support systems- what was it like to move to Michigan without your parents at a young age- how has that impacted your life? C: when I moved, I didn't really speak English (!!!) was really hard communicating with people, i missed my parents so much. now I'm grateful for the experience- I'm super independent, I can easily live by myself, it's taught me a lot, but back then it was hard A: for me I lived with a host family for 2 years. so it was definitely different but it wasn't a big shock. once i moved away around the age of 15/16, it got difficult quickly, because I missed that family dynamic. I missed my parents, my brother - I took it for granted before. time difference [to California where his parents live] made it difficult. learned a lot of valuable lessons. learned independence earlier

Anthony's injury, what was your mental state through surgery -- A: ankle - 2015 a bad sprain early in their career. neglected it. were finally getting international competitions, didn't want to take valuable time away - fought through the pain, some days it was really bad. got worse year after year. got opinion after opinion saying get surgery. then finding time to do it. figured the end of the olympic quad was the best time. and it was a great decision because able to do things now he wouldn't be able otherwise. [about mental space] - we just had had a pretty rocky season. it was a really difficult 3 months of recovery- really was unsure where the partnership was going, if I even wanted to continue skating. took a lot of evaluation of my life, where I wanted to go. beneficial to take a step back and look because i established clear goals for myself and my life To Christina, what was your mental space then- how did you approach the following season after-- C: the transition season from changing coaches was really difficult. the approach to training was so different from what we were used to. before we did it to please other people or out of fear (!!!) and then once we moved, we didn't have that aspect any more. you kind of have to do it for yourself because you like doing it and because you want to get better yourself. and learning that transition was really hard, and you saw that struggle in most competitions. and getting to Nationals, that was a really hard Nationals, The offseason was hard for me as well - there were a few shaky moments, and I was training by myself, long and sometimes it's boring, but once we made clear goals for the following season and got together, we approached training with a completely different mindset, we dove into what the coaches were saying, of trusting their process, trusting their training and really giving everything we have, and it's really paid off. I'm happy we had that rocky season because it's taught us so much, and now our mindset for training and competition is so different than before

What were the goals you set out- C: we had some results goals, but we mostly focused on trusting the process. trusting what we were given that day, if we were tired, that's ok, it's normal, just trusting what our coaches wanted. that was one of our main goals. approaching competition differently -doing it for ourselves, whatever the outcome with judges, points - as long as we're happy with what we did, that was enough. Results- make the world team. we always told ourselves, if we don't make it but we skated our best then that's ok, and it just didn't work out, we'll try harder next season. those were our goals

And you guys did it, congratulations, high five

#i didn't know Christina's not a native English speaker #minutes 14-26

[spacecadet-ticklesinspace]

Our First Christmas

Summary: It's the first Christmas the three Peters get to spend together.

(For @otomiya-tickles! Merry Early Christmas from your squealing santa 😁 I had seen you before in the tickle community, but this assignment let me learn more about you and the amazing work you do! Keep up the amazing work ❤️ Have a Merry Christmas and a wonderful new year!)

Peter 1 blinked in the early morning light. For a moment, he groaned over having to face another day in adult life. Then another figure shifted beside him. He rolled over to find Peter 3 asleep next to him.

One bolted up. "It's Christmas."

The first Christmas without May, but the first Christmas with his brothers. And he was actually excited to make some new memories.

One gently shook his older brother. "Three . . . Three!"

"Mmm . . . five more minutes," the older brother mumbled.

"But Three, it's Christmas!"

The middle brother blinked his eyes open. "What?"

"Wake up! It's Christmas morning!"

Peter 3 lifted himself up. "Is it?"

"Yeah!"

Three pulled the youngest towards him. "Then let's sleep a little longer."

"Nahahoo!"

"Buhut I want cuddles!"

Peter 1 squirmed out of his hold. "Buhut dohon't you want to celehebrate?"

"Wehell . . ."

"Come ooon!"

Three snickered. "Thehen what should wehe do?"

The youngest paused. The three brothers hadn't really talked through ideas on how to celebrate their first Christmas together. "Oh . . . Well, what do you normally do?"

"Sleep."

"Three," One whined.

The middle brother laughed as he sat up. "Ahalright, lehets make some nehew traditions."

"Yes!" One bounced out of bed and pulled his older brother's hand. "Come on, come on!"

Peter 3 let himself be pulled out of bed. "To doho what?"

"Umm . . . Can we make pancakes?"

"Sure!" Three headed to the door. "Let's go get Two and---."

The youngest suddenly stopped. "Can we make it a surprise? For Two?"

Three halted. "Like Two sometimes does on visits?"

Peter 1 nodded eagerly. "Yeah!"

The middle brother grinned and ruffled his younger brother's hair. "That sounds like a great idea Bug."

Both younger brothers tumbled downstairs to get started with breakfast. Throughout the process, One buzzed with excitement. This reminded him of the memories he used to make with Aunt May. They would always wake up early together and make a huge breakfast. And now he was getting those moments with Peter 2 and 3.

So, he playfully bickered with Three as they debated on what Christmas Playlist to listen to while they worked. He happily danced around the kitchen and sang slightly off key while they waited for everything to cook. He even eagerly agreed to adding the leftover Christmas cookies to the breakfast along with the pancakes.

While he prepped the table, a figure wrapped their arms around him in a hug.

"Eep! Three!"

"Guhess again Bug."

The youngest turned his head. "Twoho!"

"The one and only." Peter 2 kissed his forehead. "What have you two been up to this morning?"

"We made pancakes!" Three exclaimed as he set down the last plates.

"Without me?"

"It was suppohosed toho be a surprise," One added while wiggling around in Two's hold so he could hug the oldest. "Merry Christmas!"

Peter 2 returned the hug. "Aww, thank you Bug. You and Three give great surprises."

"Come on you two, before they get cold!" Three teased.

As the three Peters ate, they chatted about what they wanted to do today. It felt odd for Peter 1. Normally Christmas was planned out to a T. It made his heart hurt a little to know his friends and family wouldn't be here to see all of this and in that moment, he wanted one of his Anut May's hugs. Instead, he slid his chair closer to Peter 2 and shifted closer to his side.

The oldest wrapped an arm around his youngest brother and gently squeezed him in a side hug. "Ahare you getting impatient Bug?"

One shook his head. "Just needed a hug."

Two gave him a knowing smile before shifting the youngest closer to his side.

Peter 1 gladly held on tight. It felt good having another presence to hold on to.

"Hey Bug? Why don't we move this hug to the living room and we can open some presents?" Two asked.

Peter 1 lifted his head. "Really?"

"I'm game," Three replied while backing up his chair. "Let's go!"

The three Peters hurried into the living room where they gathered the presents they wanted to give. After much debate, Peter 2 pulled seniority and decided to go first.

He handed each brother a candy cane striped package that resembled a burrito. Inside each was a chunky blanket.

"Wow! These are awesome!" Peter 3 exclaimed while settling into his new blanket. "Thanks man!"

One kept stroking the soft yet firm material. "Did you make these yourself?"

"Yeheah. I love making these types of blankets."

One reached over and hugged the oldest. "Thank you so much. We love it!"

"Awahaw." Peter 2 returned the hug while pulling in Peter 3 from the other side. "I'm glad you like it."

After a quick cuddle, Peter 3 pulled away. "Me next?"

"Go for it bud."

Three happily held out a small blue box to each of his brothers. Inside each was a different fidget.

"I know they're not handmade, but I knew they would be fun to try out."

"Thanks Three." Two spun the outer band of his fidget ring. "It's perfect."

"You'd be amazed what you can find on Amazon."

Peter 1 started happily testing out his new tangle. "This is awesome! Thank you!"

"Aw, you're welcome bud." Three ruffled his hair. "I figured you would like that one."

One looked down at his tangle and then over at the gifts he had yet given to his older brothers. He blushed. "You might not like my gifts. They aren't as perfect."

"It's the thought that counts bud," Peter 2 soothed. "I'm sure they're fantastic."

The youngest Peter hesitantly handed the gold wrapped boxes over to his older brothers. They were about as long as a watch box, but much lighter with a small part rattling a little inside.

"What are the---?" Three paused when he opened the box.

The first thing he and Two pulled out were tiny lego Spiderman. When they looked closer, the older two noticed the figures had been painted.

"Is this us?" Two cradled the tiny figure in his hand.

One blushed. "Yeah, I did it myself."

Two and Three were quiet as they stared at the Lego figures.

One's face fell. "I'm sorry I---."

"Bug?"

"Y-yeah?"

Two's arms wrapped around his brother. "These are incredible!"

The youngest Peter started. "What?"

"We love them Bug." Peter 3 gently pulled One into his lap. "That was so thoughtful of you."

Peter 2 reaffirmed his own agreement before planting a kiss on the youngest's nose.

A smile beamed across One's face. "I'm glad you like them."

"You nailed the design perfectly! Ihi am so putting this on my desk at work. Otto will lohove this!"

"Ihi have one for him too. I just haven't given it to him yehet."

"Oh he is absolutely going to love his!" Three picked up the box again. "Ihi want to see his face when you doho!"

"Mehe too." Two reached into his box. "Though, I'm kind of confused on the second part you included."

One giggled as the older two lifted the feathers from their boxes. "Theheyre pahart of thehe suhurprise."

While the older two puzzled over what that meant, One wriggled out of his brother's lap. He hurried over to the tree and pulled a feather of his own out from amongst the branches.

The youngest Peter turned back to the older two. "Hahave yohou figured ihit ohout?"

Two smirked. "Ihi think I have. What about you Three?"

"Oho, I definitely hahave." Three held up his feather. "Is it ihit a tickle fight?"

One nervously giggled. "Mahaybe."

The older two shared a look.

"What do you say Three?" Peter 2 stood. "Older brothers versus younger brother?"

"What!"

The middle Peter stood beside Two. "I think that sounds like a great idea."

Peter 1 gulped.

"Since it was your Christmas gift, you can have a 10 second head start."

"W-wait!"

"10."

"How is that fair!"

"9."

"But---."

"8."

"Okay okay Ihim---."

"7."

"Ihim gohoing!"

"6."

The youngest backed toward the stairs.

"5."

He grabbed for the railing.

"4."

One foot stepped on to the step.

"3."

His giggles began to pick up.

"2."

Both sides paused. Peter 1 gulped.

Two chuckled. "You should have run. . . .1!"

The youngest squealed and bolted upstairs. He probably shouldn't have stalled, but where was the fun in bolting too early? One turned the corner and hurried into a nearby room. He got as far as the bed before he was tackled to the floor.

"Oof!"

A grinning Peter 3 pinned One on his back on the floor. "Gotcha."

Peter 2 joined them by sliding One's feet into his lap. "Now let's enjoy this Christmas present together."

"Uh-oh."

The middle Peter twirled his feather. "I 100% agree."

The next sound to leave One's mouth was a squeal as two feathers began attacking him. One feather lightly traced his toes while the other feather scurried across his neck and ears. The lighter tickles kissed his skin and made him wriggle adorably. They were torturous yet fun.

Then the feather attacking his toes slid up and tickled under his knee.

"AHH! TWOHOHO!"

"Aww, hehe's a kihicky buhug," Two teased.

"NOHO!" The youngest snorted. "NAHAT KIHICKY BUHUHUG!"

"Noho, hehes aha snohorty buhug."

"SHUUHUHUSH!"

Three's feather wiggled under his chin. "Buhut yohoure soho cuhute Buhug! We gohotta tehell you!"

"NOHO YOHOU DOHOH-OOOOOON'T! TWOHO!"

The youngest turned into a cackling snorting mess as his oldest brother attacked a sweet spot under his toes.

"Oo, yohou gohot aha sweet spot Two," Three teased.

"Ihi guess Ihi did."

After a few more minutes of torture, the older two finally stopped.

The youngest caught his breath before sticking his tongue out at the oldest. "Meheanies!"

The oldest Peter smirked. "Something tells me you need aha little more."

"Noho!" With a little effort Peter 1 slipped free and grabbed his feather. "Myhy tuhurn nohow!"

The youngest Peter began to attack Peter 3's knees. The taller Peter squeaked and collapsed onto the floor. Once he was down, Two crawled over to help pin the taller Spiderman in place.

"Dohon't hehelp hihim!" Three exclaimed.

"Ahall's fahair in love ahand tihickles," Two replied.

In an instant, Three was reduced to a giggly mess as two feathers tickled him silly. Peter 1 and 2 didn't stop until they had gotten every snort and giggle out of him. After Three was thoroughly breathless, the younger two then attacked the oldest Peter.

"Nohow ihits yohour tuhurn!" One exclaimed as both of their feathers attacked Peter 2.

The playful interactions went back and forth between the three Peters until they all became a pile of happy giggles on the floor.

Three hugged the youngest. "Thahanks buhud, thihis wahas aha greheat Chrihistmas prehesent."

Two rolled over. "Ihi hahavent hahad thihis muhuch fuhun ihin aha whihile."

One grinned at his brothers. "Mehe neheither."

"We need to make this a mandatory Christmas tradition." Peter 2 yawned. "It'll be perfect."

"Here here!" Peter 3 stretched and settled in place.

The three Peters laid in the cuddly heap until one by one, they drifted off to sleep. Peter 1 was the last one to doze off. He wanted to enjoy the cuddle for as long as possible. He didn't have high hopes that this first Christmas would be a good Christmas.

He thought the days activities would remind him too much of those he had lost, but instead, it had become one of his favorite Christmases by far.

And with that happy thought, the youngest Peter drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

#switch peter 1 #switch peter 2 #switch peter 3 #squealing santa 2k22 #sfw tickle fic

[liz-and-the-blue-bird]

Good evening to me

Since I've gotten some new followers: "Good ___ to me" indicate long personal posts. You don't have to read them ofc, they're mostly for me down the line.

This is kind of a weird one, it's mostly reflective stuff today. I don't usually make these without a lot of negative or at least melancholic emotions to work through. Regardless, I want to stop writing about the recent ex, but a lot of this is going to be tangential to her, so she'll pop up a few times. However, I want to focus on some personal thoughts that I've been thinking about.

Here's a song.

Right at the end of February, I took an OCEAN test or a "Big Five Personality" test. This is actually unusual among personality tests, it is actually supported by Psych research. Results tend to not change over a long period of time, etc. etc. You can take it yourself here, and be sure to share with me your results! I'd love to see them. In the meantime, here are my results:

The Extraversion and Openness to experience being so high is unusual, I think. It means a lot of what makes me comfortable involves art and people, or perhaps as an extension of that, expressing myself and communicating. With this context in mind, I've started to look back at my personal history. Moments where I'm sad or melancholic, I tend to write. When I was very young, it started with poetry, but now it has evolved into these journal entries. And I guess the reason I prefer to make them public is because of that extraversion, that longing to communicate with people my ideas or emotion.

Speaking of, I found a bunch of old notebooks the first week of March. So I've been reading through them all. And by a lot, I mean a lot:

And then, even older notebooks.

You can tell these are older because I doodled things on them. I never doodle anymore.

The first batch, the moleskins and stuff like that are primarily journals. Or at the very least, notes on what happened. The one that is open actually started 4 days after the ex 8 years ago. After a week of being sad and noting every single thing that has been happening, it abruptly jumps 8 months to me complaining about something else because I was not a very consistent note taker.

Meanwhile the one with the bird on it is actually a poetry notebook, before I started preferring to write exclusively online aka in the tumblr editor. The last poem written in there is Sucks. Then I stopped writing poetry for a very long time, and a lot of my writing energy became these journal entries, as well as other stuff on this blog, usually regarding anime.

The older notebooks, the spirals, are pretty much all poetry notebooks back from middle school and early high school. Though there's a few where I just doodled a bunch. They date all the way back to end of middle school.

But the poems SUCK. Like they're REALLY BAD. Most of them are actually on DeviantArt however, so they actually had an audience. Had.

I enjoyed looking through them. Interestingly, a lot of the love poems in them are reference to my first first girlfriend in middle school/high school. There was even a photo of us from back then, which was a big surprise. I don't remember much from her other than, well, making out a lot. I liked making out. I still do, but it started there.

We were a problem. We made out on all the band trips home. We would be late to band practice because I had brought her to a quiet corner of the school to just make out with her straddling me or me grabbing her butt. We made out so much in the practice rooms that the band directors ended up putting up signs in the band room saying to limit PDA ("no purpling" I think is what they said).

But I digress. I don't know her anymore. And she has such a common name that I wouldn't be able to stalk her if I wanted to.

Here's an indie song I just learned about and have recently been obsessed with.

I already kind of feel normal. I have spikes down but I've started waking up at 7/10 instead of 3/10 and winding up. 7/10 is about my default state. 10/10 is like... On a date with a girlfriend who I know is excited to be with me. 1/10 is trying to decide if life is worth living. 7/10 is "would dance to One Direction if it started playing right now".

I had a moment about a month after the break up where I just had a really bad breakdown. It was a combination of some more bottled up thoughts about the relationship that I had trouble finding a reason to write down or tell anyone and how poorly I had been taking care of myself and my surroundings because of my mental state. And I told it all out to a very old friend of mine. She comforted me but she said something that has made me feel better the most since the break up happened.

"But the fact that you're here, telling me this in this moment, just shows how much you cared and how much you can care for people."

It made me feel better. A lot better.

My capacity to care.

I care about a lot of things, very deeply, and often for very little reason. Stuff like the most efficient route to work, or my specific boba order that tries to get the "most drink per drink." How I tend to pause and stare at the sky for no real reason other than it's there and I won't see another like it. How I overthink things and memorize useless things. But this is the first time that that I've been told and thus realized, that it is no weakness or weirdness.

It's a strength. It's just me. A tremendous capacity to care.

I've been holding on to that ever since. I hope I don't forget it. Because from my old poetry and journal entrees, I tend to let girls and myself gaslight me into thinking that me caring about them so much, "too much" is a fault of my own. It isn't.

It isn't. It isn't. It isn't.

It is simply me.

But anyway.

I've started talking to a new girl. I've made it clear I just got out of a relationship, just to be fair to her, and tbh I'm not super certain on her, but it feels like I just want to see where this goes. I just really really want to meet people right now.

I think I have always had this fetish for nostalgia. Where I couldn't fall in love with anyone who I hadn't known for a long time. I think I learned about this very recently, and was why I was so aromatic until I re-met the ex. When I realized it, I started thinking I needed to grow out of it in some way. Especially if I'm actively trying to meet someone new. It's not that I wouldn't open up to people, I've always been a chronic oversharer (see, um, this entire tumblr post series), but rather I wouldn't feel supremely comfortable with people until I knew them for years.

But then a friend told me that my music taste is nostalgia. After I linked her that song I just linked. Because a lot of songs I send to her have this nostalgic feeling, even between different bands, genres, languages. Sometimes it's sad nostalgia, sometimes it's happy nostalgia, but it's definitely a longing for something deep and sentimental.

And I had just learned about that song.

This changed my feelings towards my "nostalgia fetish." I don't think I am looking for people who I have known for years. It just so happens that lot of my closest friends are that because I'm old and that's just how friends are when you're old. But I think it's moreso I'm looking for someone who has this same sentimentality. This same depth of emotion when looking at something old or close to them. My fetish for nostalgia isn't nostalgia for the person, but nostalgia in the person.

At least, I hope so.

Whatever, I'm looking forward to meeting new people.

Last song.

Many years ago, I remember the first time I felt normal after that break up. It was like 10 or 11pm and I was bringing someone home. They lived in Round Rock but I lived in downtown Austin, since I was a UT student at the time. After dropping them off, I still had like a 20 minute drive and I had just learned that The Summer Set's album, Legendary, had a deluxe edition, which that song I just linked is a part of. I look them up on youtube and hit play.

And on that drive home I found peace, somehow. I remember stopping before getting to the highway, next to a unkempt grassy field, and standing there, looking at the sky. I missed the sky and stars. I missed that hour drive home from her house when it was getting dark and you could see the constellations because I was between 2 medium sized cities. I missed that bumpy road that seemed perpetually under construction and twisted and winded and didn't make sense. I was a lonely boy who didn't have a place that felt like home and didn't know where he was going to end up. But I knew and, at least in that moment, was fine with it.

I still am that boy. But that constantly under construction road got finished in the past 8 years. That starry sky was gone, I noticed, from our drives to Austin together—too many small towns and buildings had popped up, too much light pollution. I thought I found a place person like home but it was a dusty extended stay motel that I ended up staying at for 5 months, with too high of a rent and a crummy landlord.

Last time I felt over her, I remember saying that my daydreams no longer had a girl on my shoulder. I felt really aromatic. Really antisocial. I became an island. And I don't know if I'm trying to replace her or what, but I don't think that will happen this time. I might be fine without a partner, but I know I am better with one. I know I'm ready.

For anything, really.

#the kyoukai no kanata gifs are important to me too #for some reason i associate it deeply with college and the ex #i have weird associations i think #i mean i describe songs with taste flavors #when i was in uni i made playlists named after drinks #anyway i digress #to me #this might be the last one for a while #thank you everyone who spends the time reading these #as well as anyone who just spends time interacting with me #i consider you all friends

[nocompromise-noregrets]

five good things

I'm off work for three whole weeks now (I save my leave up so that I can take a good long time off at this time of year because I know I'm going to need it), and then for my first two weeks back I'll be working at home because I have a database-wrangling task to do and I can concentrate so much more easily at home.

I have a study at long last! We finished it last weekend, and I've spent a good bit of time in it and somehow I feel a lot more motivated to do stuff when sitting at a desk (except this afternoon but never mind, we can't have everything). Photos when I've sorted out everything that's going on the walls - probably at the end of next week, as I won't have the chance before because...

...tomorrow I am heading off to Heathrow and early on Wednesday morning I have a flight to Hamburg to spend a week with my lovely friends who live deep in the Schleswig-Holstein countryside. HOORAY! It's really crept up on me, but I've just packed my case and everything fits (so far) and it only weighs about 15kg out of my baggage allowance of 23kg. A minor miracle. Keeping my fingers crossed that the baggage handlers' strike today and tomorrow doesn't have too much of a knock-on effect on my bag going with me on Wednesday, and that the Border Force strike doesn't have too much of an effect on me clearing passport control when I come back next Thursday as I forgot I was coming into terminal 5 rather than terminal 3 and only have an hour between my flight arriving and my coach leaving, OOPS.

I have rediscovered the scarves I was knitting for our local homelessness charity while I was off work sick seven years ago (sigh), and found that I still had yarn for three more scarves, so I'm in the middle of making them. It's a super simple pattern, extra chunky wool and big needles so they're knitting up nice and quickly and it's extremely therapeutic. I dropped the first batch (two carrier bags full) into the charity's community cafe/warm space in town last week, and they wouldn't let me go without taking cake with me, as 'nobody leaves here empty handed' in the founder's words. They do fantastic work all year round and quite honestly the guy who founded it deserves a knighthood. I'll be going back in the new year with more scarves. :D

I've finished all my festive fic challenges, plus another prompt-fic, and am hoping for plenty of inspiration while travelling/waiting for my flights/etc. I suspect there will be at least one lazy, quiet afternoon while staying with my friends, so am hoping to get some knitting and writing done.

Not to mention studying, as I've got a bit to catch up on and an assignment to start thinking about. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed as I'm really struggling to remember the terminology, but I had a tutorial on Saturday and the tutor explained a few things in a way that finally made them make sense - and she also said that there have been a few people feeling overwhelmed in the forums, but that it's pretty usual for this part of the course as we've had so much new information piled on us in a short time (I'm already 50% through the course, more or less O.O ) - so I went and checked out the forum threads and found lots of encouragement from the student buddies, who have studied the course before, and the teaching staff - one of the prior students said she never did memorise all the terminology and was using crib sheets right up to the final assignment. Which is reassuring - and at least I can do that with this course, since none of the assessment is in real time.

I have the Job Number Two Christmas party this evening - which is a treat for the staff of both estates, laid on by the family we work for/the estates (my other job is local authority so we don't get a paid-for do - but this one is always rather nice), and is taking place in the main location which is a real honest-to-god castle that has appeared in many film and TV productions :D :D :D Drinks in the Long Drawing Room at 7, and dinner in the Great Hall at 7.30. I feel properly fancy every time XD The missus is giving me a lift there and back too, so I can have a couple of glasses of wine, which tends to take the edge off having to talk shop all evening (I usually end up sitting with one of my volunteers, or with one member of the family or another, and I don't know anyone well enough to talk about anything else XD it's usually entertaining sitting with any of the family though).

ANYWAY. Festive greetings to all of you, a very happy Hanukkah to those of you who are celebrating, and Solstice blessings and a Merry Christmas and all good wishes to everyone else. :D

#five good things

[cmyknoise]

i am glad that some ppl can find the final disc confrontation as a solid ending to the dsmp, at least for tommy and tubbo, but i can't.

to me it isn't a satisfying ending, sending dream away to prison with so many loose threads and empty promises.

i think there's genuinely good stuff that would come from events thereafter for their characters as well, and i don't think revivebur/cwilbur is as bad as some people think he is. i think the problem is genuinely the timeframe everything happened in and how because of that it made things happen that wouldn't have or things that should've didn't happen.

i think, especially direct post revival, revivebur was a great character and i think the potential between him and ranboo could've been great, and the foundations they laid for their characters to learn something from each other was very very well done and good, it just never came to fruition, and wilbur had to write a book to catch us up on things no one else would do.

i think that some of the closure tommy had begun to get, such as slowly opening up to people like quackity or wilbur or his friends, or doing things he loved again was a very good thing for him.

i think that even some of the tragedies post disc finale were immensely interesting, like our glimpse into limbo and everything that would happen between sam and tommy's relationship, etc.

genuinely i think there were good things, good plans, and it all worked out when they worked together to do them. even the lore over the last few days, i think, although not ideal and clearly rushed, still has very good elements to them and because they were communicated through and talked out, it shows.

i just wished this all happened like, 6 months ago. i wish the finale for wilbur and tommy would've happened back in spring or summer or even earlier, if these 3+ month gaps in between streams didn't happen, because i think that's what really killed it. the missteps in writing and flaws wouldn't be as obvious if things had continued to happen consecutively. i think there are lots of problems with the lore and things that have happened over the last few months but i genuinely think it's not the writing that is the problem but the timing. it's like if you had a tv show season that was supposed to run for 20 episodes but they only aired maybe 5 a year. you forget what happened last time, the details, you've lost the hype and excitement, or you've analyzed the last bit of content so much that your expectations will simply never be met.

i, unfortunately, don't find the final disc confrontation as an easy fall back. i can't just pretend that that was the ending, because to me, it doesn't conclude it well narratively. in the grand scheme of things it wasn't as huge a win for tommy and tubbo, not after all they went through. dream didn't die he went to prison. there were still people around that hated them. he lived under the pretense that wilbur would've been revived, and if it would've just ended there would've been so much that they never got to talk through that they eventually did.

im glad some people can do that, but i cant. and i dont know how the finale for tommy and tubbo's characters will go tomorrow, i've only been watching clips and reading recaps and once they're available, i've been skipping through vods.

i don't know how much hope i have for tomorrow. tommy once said he wanted us to have a good ending. by the way it looks it looks more like they're setting up a promo for dsmp s2 and i hope to god it's not that. i hope something happens. i hope that something, anything lets tommy not die tomorrow.

regardless of how it does end, i'm glad it's over, and i hope that they can do new, brighter things in the future. i hope they make new smps or bring back other ones. i hope people stop hounding their chats about the dream smp and lore and let them play minecraft without mentioning it. i hope they can play other games, bring back old series, play with more people they havent much, god fuck anything please.

i hope that what they do next they can view as having fun, and not something they do out of obligation or for job reasons.

i hope they can have fun after the dream smp and that we get content that they want to show us, and that they enjoy creating with as much passion they did 2 years ago.

#fandom neg #fandom crit #<- just in case

[mindajane-blog]

This blog post is coming from where I am now. I'm healing.

Healing takes time- longer than I would like. I can feel it these last few months and in healing, I am growing. It is uncomfortable.

In pain, I was closed off and stunted from growth by the walls I put up to protect myself.

I'm learning to trust again. I became untrusting and leery twenty years ago. My fear of people grew. I had reason to fear people at fourteen years old in church. I lost my church friends at a hard time in childhood, basically all my friends since my sister and I were homeschooled. We'd moved from our childhood home, lost a grandparent, and i developed a disorder called trichotillomania (hair pulling). Then, the girl friends i'd made in childhood at church stopped being my friends once we hit youth group. I will say exactly the situations that happened at youth. When my sister and I would join peers in a row, they would get up and leave the row, and if we sat in an empty row they wouldn't join us. We switched youth groups to one at another local church for the rest of highschool.

The fear of people and mistrust had taken root, though. I learned recently that's a root of rejection. I was stuck watching my life through those lenses for too many years. I never truly forgave. I was hurt and afraid, so afraid, especially in church. I KNEW without a shadow of doubt that God is was real. God is love. I also was wrestling and wrestling.

It was a lot. Life was a lot to carry. I can't go back, but if I could I would tell younger me to trust people again, love with all your heart, forgive fully. Yes, some people might hurt you really bad, BUT living afraid and hurt and feeling alone is VERY crappy and isolating. In fact, that life is worse than the life you could have if you move past fear and hurt into forgiveness and into love.

I know this is true, because it's my experience. I'm still sometimes scared now, but I see it is already worthwhile.

Jesus LOVES and Jesus forgives. He died to forgive all sins, my sins and yours, everyone's. I don't need to carry any hurt and offenses at all, I can feel them and forgive, give them to Jesus any time they cross my heart or mind.

I feel His love so deeply. I rebelled in my twenties and sinned in ways I knew were sinning. I thought it didn't matter so much because really I was so closed off and feeling so separate from Christian community. I thought that I would be happier just doing as I pleased. I liked things I did, but I wasn't happier. I loved people as much as I always had, because that doesn't change. I did really love and care about all the friends and family I had and have when I was hurting. I just was loving in my closed off ways.

I'm going to go on a small tangent here. If you aren't a Jesus follower you aren't expected to feel some type of way about sinning in your conscience... I'm not expecting you to live to the Bible or to Christian "standards" or "rules" and I'm not judging you. You're free to choose to live as you like.

Anyhow, back to what I was saying... I didn't feel free when i was sinning. I felt sad. There was loneliness and shame. I was more alone than before. I wanted to belong and doing things I wanted had felt freeing initially, but they weren't.

Last year changed me. Losing my Grandma changed me. Becoming so depressed last spring and summer changed me. I had to be totally broken to see that I was broken.

I had to leave my home church where I felt lifebound to by deep loyalty. I was dedicated there as a baby and I take loyalty to things far too seriously, haha, I'm not a minimilist, so you know that loyalty overflows into most aspects of my life, but I digress. Changing churches helped me finally really see the metaphorical glasses i'd been wearing and looking through for so long!

Glasses make things bigger, so those rejection glasses I'd had on just magnified slights, perceived or real, for YEARS. That is SO bad, I know it is.

I do want to say this, I'm really sorry to all I judged, mistrusted, and pushed away.

I forgive anyone who did hurt me back in youth years.

I'm not carrying those anymore. Jesus took both of our hurts and hurting to the cross.

I learned also that I'm free, so much more free and have so much more joy and love within me when I obey Jesus. He gives eternal life. He loves me! Living for Him is freer and fuller life than I ever was living for my flesh wants and desires.

Psalm 121 A Song of Ascents. 121 I lift up my eyes to the hills.     From where does my help come? 2 My help comes from the Lord,     who made heaven and earth. 3 He will not let your foot be moved;     he who keeps you will not slumber. 4 Behold, he who keeps Israel     will neither slumber nor sleep. 5 The Lord is your keeper;     the Lord is your shade on your right hand. 6 The sun shall not strike you by day,     nor the moon by night. 7 The Lord will keep you from all evil;     he will keep your life. 8 The Lord will keep     your going out and your coming in     from this time forth and forevermore.

[agent-7-at-your-service]

My Ode to Splatoon 1

Nintendo peaked for me during the WiiU.

Gameboy, Gameboy SP, the Gamecube, the DS, the Wii. All those consoles left me as a fan of Nintendo for years. And over the years, I enjoyed the history of how the company got to where it is. My favorites were Super Mario World, Super Smash Bros Melee, Starfox (Up until Assault) Pokemon (Up until Heart Gold and Soul Silver), and Legend of Zelda (Up until Twilight Princess).

Then there's the WiiU...

When the WiiU came out, it was a mixed reaction for me. And my status as a fan waned along with my interest. I couldn't really catch up with anything and I heard of the flaws that the WiiU had. I moved onto Playstation and then PC and indie games (with Undertale being the gateway). I struggled to thrive in Patapon and Homestuck. I was also going through a philosophy stage with the Bioshock games.

This was also during a time that I was developing my Multiverse stories that would become my series, "In the Stargazer's Garden." I needed new content and I didn't expect the WiiU to give me that push.

Aside from Smash sort of saving the WiiU, Splatoon was a new IP that came into my life.

I didn't think much of the game until I kept seeing more art for it.

So, I gave it a try and delved into the story and art; I even went as far as making an RP account even before getting the game.

Then I finally got WiiU and the game that came with it. I got me to love third person shooters as shooting games all over again (Last game was Uncharted: Drake's Fortune and Killzone 3 on the PS3.)

I loved the Squid Sisters, I loved the faint lore of a post apocalyptic Earth, and I loved the storyline of the Great Turf War and it's aftermath.

Here on tumblr, I made new friends and enjoyed the lore of other's Splatoon OCs. I loved the art and stories. (But there were some hiccups and embarrassing moments with some drama along the way. I can only blame my teenage self's childish behavior.)

But it's also here that I've faced a reality that shattered me.

Cancel culture, witchhunts, drama, and social justice forced me to make a lot of difficult decisions. It felt like battle lines were drawn and friendships were shattered. People showed true colors while other broke up over things I just couldn't understand at the time. Today I know better

Splatoon community felt like a wasteland because of all this. But in the end, I just wanted to enjoy what is supposed to be a game. Now that I'm in my late 20s, I can't help but take those things as a learning lesson and thank Splatoon and it's community be more better than wall that happened.

I had stories to tell, art to draw and express, and turf wars to play with friends.

Today, I can't imagine what I can do without Splatoon 1.

Agent 7 and his Splatoon, and the Splatoon that I depicted in my stories (along with the Future Story Arc and the famous Project Titanomachy) wouldn't have existed without this game. And the same can be said with the Splatoon OCs you guys made; they were welcomed into my Splatoon stories and I fit them well like actors in a Hollywood set.

And even though some have cut ties with me for one reason or another, and there are those who I failed to keep in touch, I still consider friend after that.

So, thank you Splatoon, thank you Splatoon Community, and thank you Nintendo for this game.

-Agent 7 Mun.

#Mun #Splatoon 1 #RIP #Thank you

[sassypotatoe1]

I think where my therapist and I went wrong when we tackled my childhood trauma is her fundamentally misunderstanding what I need from this recovery, and me not being able to effectively communicate it.

When I told her what I'd been through I didn't need her to tell me how resilient I was, how well I was coping considering, or how valid I was for feeling my feelings. I know there's value in being told that you're allowed to feel sadness, anger, grief, and there's value in being told that you made it this far so you're capable of still going, and there's value in being told what you're doing right. Maybe it works for most trauma patients, but I'm autistic. All I am is aware of myself.

All I am is aware of how I'm coping, what I'm feeling, that it's valid. I learned very early on in my life that emotions and feelings are out of my control and developed a sort of vicious possessiveness over my emotions and feelings. No one is allowed to dare to question or tell me how to feel because not even I can tell myself how to feel.

I'm also intensely aware of the actions have consequences aspect of life. If I do this to cope this will be the outcome, and that's undesirable so I need something better. I learn from others' mistakes before I make them too. A friend has an eating disorder for 3 years and then develops epilepsy. I educate myself on nutrition and battle my own ARFID heavily and strictly, forcing myself to put in effort to process foods I struggle with so they're less horrible to consume, because I know I need those nutrients. I have a severe lapse during my final year of university, losing so much weight that a congenital heart defect I've never known about and which was never discovered makes itself known.

I find a meal substitute that I can consume when my ARFID is at its worst. A friend has frequent panic attacks and self harms. I start to see the campus therapist for my anxiety when I start to notice self harming behaviors in myself before it escalates. I start Journaling, use grounding techniques I found on Tumblr, exercise, start anxiety medication. I make these decisions myself and then discuss the efficacy with my therapist to adjust the techniques where needed. I'm proactive in my own treatment.

A friend tells me about cptsd, how unlike with regular ptsd that comes from a single major traumatizing event that lasted a couple years at most, cptsd is the continued and persistent culmination of a variety of small traumas over a long period of time. Chemically virtually the same, effectively much different. I go through my entire life and every small thing that's stuck with me and built up in my behaviors and thoughts with my therapist, how I'm grieving a childhood I never got to have.

What I needed was to know how to not be so angry, so disgusted and so stuck over small things that happened years ago. I didn't need to know that I'm allowed to be angry that the daycare worker taped my eyes shut because I wouldn't sleep during nap time. I know I'm allowed. I want to know how to think about it without wanting to violently assault the person whose actions made me think about it.

I didn't need to know that I'm really functional for someone who's had severe undiagnosed, unaccommodated, and untreated adhd and autism for two decades. I know I am. It's a point of pride for me that I learn from everything and everyone around me how to live the most effective life with the least amount of trouble, because my disabilities cause enough trouble as it is. I needed to know how to not want to throttle a friend because she bought a couch on lay-by while still owing me money. I don't even care about the money, I'm just irrationally angry about how irresponsible she was, because my dad was always irrationally angry about irresponsible financial decisions and I don't want to be like that.

I didn't need to know that I'm allowed to grieve the childhood I never had. I know that. I also know that a lot of what I missed out on I now have the opportunity to do because I'm medicated, educated and accommodated. What I needed to know was how to not hate children for being young, irresponsible and badly behaved, because I was never allowed to be young, irresponsible and badly behaved.

And maybe it was on me for not communicating my needs properly, but it resulted in probably the worst mental health spiral I've ever had because at the time it felt like there was no solution. That I'd just be hurt and bitter and angry for the rest of my life with no reprieve.