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theartoflivingalways · 4 years

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i’ve been awake for over 24 hours

I haven’t been on tumblr in years. i stopped using it after high school, but I don’t know why. but now I’m back tonight, because I needed someone to talk to, but I have no one to listen. i have friends, i have family, i have a boyfriend. i have a therapist. but no matter what: i feel so unheard, so unseen, and so ignored by everyone in my life that i literally feel like i have no one to truly turn to. for anything. so, here i am. hope i get a warm welcome!!!

here’s the thing: i’m NOT a depressed person. i’m not sad, i don’t have any major mental health issues apart from anxiety and some adhd. and before you take that the wrong way, please don’t. i just got my master’s degree in social work and i’ll be starting my new job as a therapist in a couple of weeks.

but, i’m also NOT a happy person. tbh, i can’t really describe my overall ~mood~ or whatever you wanna call it. i kinda just wake up and survive the day, every day. i take it one day at a time ... kinda like what AA says to do; but no, before you ask or the thought crosses your mind, i’m not an addict. at least not a alcohol/other drugs addict ??? sorry

maybe this is why there’s no one to listen when i need them to. i fucking ramble about literally nothing before getting to the point.

it’s weird that i’m writing right now (ok, typing???). i haven’t done this since i was little. it feels good to do this, to have some sort of outlet when you feel so fucking unseen and unheard by every. single. person. around you.

so i haven’t slept in over 24 hours. it’s my own fault for sure and i have adderall to thank for that (yes i’m prescribed). i decided to start a blog again because i’m sitting here, still wide awake in my apartment, alone, while my boyfriend is sound asleep in my bedroom.

so what’s my fucking problem??? why do i want someone to talk to?? i don’t know honestly. i just feel like lately all i do is listen to others, help others, give myself completely to others. and in return, i get nothing. nothing even close to what i give, or to what i’m capable of giving. which is sad. not for me particularly (maybe?), but for others, yes, i think so.

i’m not saying that i expect anything in return for helping others, because i don’t. i didn’t enter the field of social work for the fucking money. and i know a lot of fucked up shit is going on in the world right now, and in no way do i want to minimize ANY of that. i’m just feeling a little lost and lonely, so i’m hoping this is a new outlet for me to sort out those feelings.

the last couple of hours, i’ve had a LONG string of thoughts. if you read through, you’ll eventually found out how they started. but one of the things i’ve been wrestling with in my mind is the type of person i am.

you see, it’s difficult to be “that” person for others your whole life, especially all the fucking time. if you’re anything like me, you know what i mean by that. and if you aren’t anything like me, well, first of all congrats!!!!, and secondly, i’ll explain what i mean.

when you’re “that” person for others, like myself, it’s easy for other people to walk all over you. take advantage of you, take you for granted, expect you to ALWAYS be there no matter the cost. and of course, why wouldn’t they? you’re always there to help. you’re ALWAYS there to offer support, guidance, and advice. you’re nurturing. you listen. you’re a fucking irreplaceable, loyal to death friend. if you’re VERY much like me, you’re also the one person in your family who isn’t a total fuck up (at least not publicly?)

you’re also nonjudgmental, and you were blessed with the curse of being empathic towards others at all times. empathy of course is beautiful and a very good thing to have in this life, but do you know how hard it is to feel for every single person around you.. and not have anyone feel for you???? damn

also, you never let anyone down!! ever. you’re reliable, dependable, trustworthy to the point where it’s almost sketchy because like??? who can be that way to everyone else at all times? you guessed it- people like me and people like u!! (if this is even semi-relatable, i’m sorry)

but people like us, like you, like me, tend to do this thing where we keep the same shitty fucking toxic people around that have hurt us, continue to hurt us both indirectly and directly, and who have let us down time and time again, because we continue clinging on to the fucking useless hope that “someday they’ll change”. someday, they’ll realize how fucking important you are to them and how shitty their lives are, and would be, without you in it.

you- we - also live by honesty and truthfulness, and assume others just live by this as well. but then you’re proved wrong over and over and over again, yet you never fucking learn your lesson because you are STILL hopeful that somewhere, somehow, deep down, other people DO stand by the morals you try so hard to stand by in life. most of the time, though, you’re completely avoiding the reality of other people and their experiences and who they really are, only to try to fit your own narrative of how you see things and how you think things should be.

if this sounds anything like you... i’m sorry. i know it all too well.

i grew up as the “golden child” in my family. not just my immediate family. my entire fucking family. the pressure to be perfect has lead me to develop debilitating anxiety in my 20′s, and it is what it is, but like, why the fuck couldn’t i have anxiety in high school like a normal teenager? why now?

so yeah my anxiety’s pretty bad. it’s pretty bad tonight, which is why i turned here. to tumblr. to try to write out my thoughts. which, by the way, i’m sorry, because this is an absolute fucking mess and makes no sense. if you are reading this, though, thank you. thank you for listening when no one else seems to.

anyway. growing up with the pressure of being *perfect* has a cost. at least for me it did: 1) anxiety of course, and 2) perfectionist tendencies. these have literally- LITERALLY - ruined my entire college and graduate school experience. perfectionism combined with anxiety is a recipe for fucking disaster, and i’ve been cooking it for years.

i am deliberately writing this without proper punctuation/grammer/whateverthefuckyouwanttocallit, not capitalizing my letters etc., because i want to not have to be so perfect all the time on here, if this is something i’m going to stick to. i know that sounds silly but it’s actually been very difficult for me to write in all lower-caps and i’m very worried that no one will even read this and HEAR ME because of my literacy negligence (i have no idea if that’s even a real thing or if it even has meaning but it sounded right)

do u want to know why i decided to write this though, truly? what lead to me feeling like i’m “spiraling” - apart from no sleep in over 24 hours now? well, get ready to laugh, because i truly think i’m pathetic and going crazy.

i went to dinner tonight with my boyfriend and his fam. our waitress was a girl i used to know years ago in high school. my boyfriend knew her too. in fact, he knew her VeRY well. for the sake of my anxious overthinking, i don’t feel like going too much into the details of *that* situation, so thanks in advance for understanding.

anyway. this corny bitch made a joke about the current political environment. i won’t say what exactly, because i’d really like to keep my identity as concealed as absolutely possible on here. but long story short, no one really laughed - every one just kinda smiled awkwardly. but you know who did laugh? my boyfriend :)

TO ME, it seemed intentional. she wasn’t fucking funny, for one. she made a bad - no, a very bad- joke. like one of those corny dad jokes. not even a dad joke actually. a step-dad joke, except your step-dad is a loser that you hate, who treats ur mom/dad bad, has no sense of humor or a horrible sense of humor and idk, just fucking sucks you know ???

sorry that got kinda dark and it was unnecessary but do u know what i mean??? and no, that was literally not relevant to me or my family system/structure in any way. just kinda came to me, ya know? ...writing works in mysterious ways man

alright so if you don’t agree, that’s fine. i already told you to get ready to laugh, because i am well aware of how insane i fucking sound. but you know what makes anxiety & perfectionism 100x harder to cope with? insecurities. and i’m FULL of them.

so anyway. we left dinner. him & i were driving home. i will admit that i did have some wine at dinner, and i wasn’t drunk but i definitely was feeling cocky enough to stir the pot with him. so, i casually said, “hey... didn’t you date _____?” *insert annoying waitress’s name who i knew once upon a time*

i said it very calmly. very coooool. v collected and nice. he said “no? i’ve never even talked to or hungout with that girl”.

i wish u could see my face as i’m writing this right now bc i cannnot. like i gave u a choice.... the opportunity. tHE SIMPLE opportunity - a chance - to be fucking honest................................

this dude. straight up. lied to my face. about this fucking girl. ???????

YEARS AGO, they most certainly did talk. a lot. in fact, my crAZy ass searched their names on facebook to find their old little love notes to each other that they posted on each others’ walls. which were very cringey but nothing that made me feel jealous or insecure (for once). after all, they were from years ago- i’m talking 5+ - so likeeee.... why would he lie (:

oh and they definitely did hang out because.... i remember clearly.... a PICTURE OF THE two of them *together* *hangin* (prob bangin too) (sorry) years ago in this now-waitress’s bedroom. i believe it was a ~webcam photo~ that they took on the new mac computer her parents prob bought her. so this photo is now NO WHERE to be found. and believe me, i looked. no, i LURKED. i went to the beginnnning of her instagram posts and deep into her uploaded facebook pictures. ok, not ‘deep’, i literally got to the first pic she ever posted on FB just to try to find this damn picture. and it took me for. fucking. ever. because this bitch has prolly posted a million pictures in the last 5+ years like who does that???

but i swear to fucking whatever the fuck that this picture exists. i have fucking seen it. i’d describe it in perfect detail right now as if i saw it today, but, once again, i’m concealin my identity, yo, so i can’t do all that. v sorry

anywho. this dude - who i call my boyfriend (and yes i love him very very much and our past is absolutely fucked but that’s a whole other story for a very different time) - had the nerve, the audacity, to tell me to my face, that he “definitely doesn’t have a picture with her” because “they’ve never hung out or talked before” ... ?!??????

obv i sent him screenshots of the dirt i dug up on facebook from 5+ years ago (i.e., the old posts between them in case ya forgot during my rambling) bc like, caught ya in a lie sir. red handed.

i might be late on mentioning this part, but here’s the fucking kicker (and i’ve never used that phrase and i don’t know why i said that but ok?): TODAY, for the first time in MONTHS, literally!!!, bc of the virus and the quarantine and all that, i got ready today for dinner with his family. like actually got ready. i spent HOURS doing my make up. i don’t even remember the last time i did my make up, ok. i dressed in a really cute outfit. i felt fucking very good about myself. i thought for sure when he’d come pick me up to go to dinner he’d at least say something. at least acknowledge it. he has literally only seen me in raw form for too many days now. like, complete bare face and sweat pants basically every day since march.

but. did he even look at me twice?!!? no. did he mention anything about how i looked? how it was drastically different from my everyday attire the last couple months? did he take 2 seconds out of his day to say something corny or flirty to me? even just, “you look beautiful”??? honestly i would’ve even appreciated, “you look beautiful, for once” ???

did u guess the correct answer? well if u didn’t, it’s N O.

but u know who he did look at twice.

our waitress at dinner.

i think i wrote enough for one night. if u think this is my anxiety/perfectionism/insecurities combination spiraling out of control after being tamed incessantly for 20+ years, PLZ TELL ME.

but also, if you have a fucking brain, you’d know that:

1) this is definitely NOT the first time i’ve responded to something like this the way i did, and

2) i really just needed to ramble on and vent about all the shit that’s been going through my mind the last 2 1/2 hours, so there’s that.

have a good night get some sleep!!! thank u for ur time.

#why #me #cantsleep #upfor24hours #adderall #waitress #insecure #perfect #anxiety #sorry #helpme #help #needsleep #dontwanttotho #goodnight #getsomerest #ily #thanku

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thestudyfeels · 6 years

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Failure. Such an awful word, isn't it? You might've flunked that test Miss Honey set last week (in my defense, Genghis Khan's goatee was giving me nightmares) or maybe your sis ate up all those donuts you bought on your cheat day. Either way, it’s easy to get hit by a few L's along the way because life loves throwing in lemons. Oh, just noticed, life and lows... they even start with the same letter L! (hobo logic, COMING RIGHT THRU)

But what if I told you that failure = success? And that sometimes, failure > success? Isn't that rad as eff?

What’s the time? Don’t look at your watch! It’s time to conquer our failures.

You’re probably thinking along the lines of: "Ok… failure. *scrunches face* Hmm, don't want to experience that! I mean the letter F has better words... Like food! And omg fishies!! BRB. Gonna get food." Stop. Also, since I’m so kind, I'll get you the first appointment with my counsellor.

Failure is simply a deviation from the ordinary. Things didn't go as you had planned. Oh, please. I'm an excellent planner! I planned for my fishies to fly, and they will! Um, hi. Welcome to the real world. Fishies don’t fly around here. And if they did, an eel would prob smack you in the face while doing so.

But believe it or not, failure provides countless opportunities for growth. How? Because it’s only in our darkest times that we are willing to go the deepest. Good days, we skim through them. Only when the seas get rough do we sit down to try and figure out why things turned out the way they did.

And even though experiencing a low sucks, it is necessary sometimes. Think about this. Without failure, success would truly have no meaning. If you can’t ever lose, what counts as a win? If you can’t make mistakes, everything becomes ‘ordinary’ as there are neither any highs nor any lows.

Now! If you are all warmed up, let's sit around the bonfire and have a story time about my failures. Bring some marshmallows too, it's gonna be a long one.

In my life so far, I have gone through many failures. Most were small ones, nothing to cry upon (my sis did take my cookies which I'm NOT happy about but I think I’ll let that pass). Two failures, however, completely changed my life:

Fail no #1: Two years ago, I was a completely naive and ignorant teen. I had a bunch of so called “friends”, was hella popular, and was basically living the life of a queen (at least that's what I thought at that time). Well, in between that, I had my first boyfriend (poor guy) and hey, it was another feather to add to my cap. It didn't however, last long.

We broke up and a few days later, I tumbled into a really dark hole. Went down in the dumps and became depressed (And that starts with the same letter again! Oh, I’m so good at this, all hail me). My ‘friends’ left me to pick other ones and I had no one whom I could trust or talk to. I was completely alone. (Gosh, looking back, I was such a sad child.) Now I don't talk about weird shit like this because I am grateful that I’m out of it and am now a lil’ happy unicorn. Those days weren't fun.

Anyways, during my days in the dark hole, I realized something profound. I couldn't love someone else with all my heart because I hadn’t learned to love myself. Heck, I didn't even know who I was. I was a complete loser.

Fail no #2: Months later, my family shifted states (around the time I started this blog). By now I had grown to be wiser and stronger. Popularity didn't mean anything and I found my solace in perfect A’s all over my report card. Everything was going fine and dandy, but then I was showered with a bagful of lemons again (no wonder I’m allergic to them). I met Prashasti.

Now, most of you know her as Prasati grandma who helps me with the Interviews (read: here!) and about whom I talk a lot, whether in awe or annoyance. She’s a grannie with sass. Coming back to the point, she had joined freshman year in the same year as I had and well, we become friends. (BTW, she’s editing this article for me so shout out to my binch! I love you!)

Um, ok. Anyways, after we talked (like grannies do, lmao) about life and shit, I realized that I was doing it completely wrong. Sure, I was happier and not a loser anymore, but I wasn't even close to using the potential I held. I'd gotten up after falling off my rocker (or horse, if you like horsies) and dusted my hands, but now I was just sneezing all over the place. I hadn't taken the reins just yet. I was still in what philosophers call the ‘bubble’ (read: The Bubble Trap for more on this).

Feeling like a failure? Commence part two.

Truthfully, failure hurts. I will neither try to minimize the pain nor tell you that it is easy to bear. Instead, I will try to make you realize that failure is important to experience in order to become more wise, kind, compassionate, and in the end, a better human being.

Now, consider this. When you break a jar full of water (reminder, your mom is about to kill you so hide while you can), the glass shatters and the water pours out, now free. In the same way, life sends failures to crack open your outer, fake shell and to allow your values, your emotions, and your finer self to come out and experience the sunbeams outside.

Failure is beautiful and sine qua non (and I’m poetic, thanks for pointing out Sally). But ironically, many fail to understand that there’s honestly so much to learn from it. I mean, you get to stay at home, eat burnt popcorn for breakfast, and cry your heart out, doesn’t that sound like fun? Here, let me explain.

Lesson from fail 1: I learned my most important life lesson which was to love myself completely. Another thing I realized was that everything is temporary; friends, boyfriends, everyone is going to play their roles in my life and move on someday, citius aut serius. There is nothing wrong with that, it’s a fact of life. I simply had to embrace that and make the most out of our time together. This failure also hinted at my non-existent communication skills, which I had to fix. (Now I’m Bob the Builder! Ah, childhood.)

Lesson from fail 2: I learned that you can truly be what you want to be. Life is full of opportunities and trust me, life wants you to win. Don't just live, though. You must take a step back occasionally to see where you are going. Most don't do that, they are too busy checking off tasks from their to-do and moving onto the next one. For them, everything is just a chore to get over with. They turn a blind eye to the freedoms that lie ahead of them. You are capable of doing everything you want, go wherever you want, be the person of your dreams. Isn’t that freedom enough? Most are scared to take responsibility for that and hence they play small and are willing enough to sacrifice their true dreams, settling for stuff that doesn't excite them.

You see, some say I’m a bit too wise for my age. I‘ve even had people send me asks ‘advising’ me to wait till I’m eighteen before I give advice on so called ‘adult’ topics, like failure, life etc. Pah.

Do we not experience failure when we are young? Or do they not matter, huh? One golden rule of nature is that what you resist will persist. If you don't learn from your failures which come in smaller doses when we are young, a much bigger failure is going to hit you smack in the face later on. Teens don't learn from theirs, and lo and behold, we find ourselves a few years later in depression, midlife crises, and whatnot. How fun.

THAT'S the reason I don't listen to what those asks say. I mean, sure, I could ignore my failure now, they are not big ones. But do I look like dumb to you? Life is a wonderful teacher and I choose to learn. And so can you.

So coming to my point, failure hurts. But remember, failure teaches more life lessons than I’ll ever be able to teach you (welcome to life lessons 101, taken by Nani). Ergo, point to note, failure doesn't stop you, it's the quitting that does. It doesn't take your faith away, it TESTS it. Decide whether you want to pass or- once more, fail.

So does that mean you shouldn't feel the pain, sadness or remorse the failure brings? Nah. You should never hold back your emotions. Cry, beat up yo’ pillow, kill fishies if you have to, I support you (the campaign starts, #SaveTheFishies).

But don't let your emotions rob you of your growth. Learn to let go when you have to, and then use your failures as a slingshot to catapult you closer to your ambitions. Pluck up the courage to face failure and your fears, it's as easy as plucking those lemons.

See, there will always be an excuse NOT to learn from your failures. I could have stayed in that dark hole which no doubt wouldn't have been very fun and would have ended up becoming suicidal. I chose not to. I could have left Prasati and her wise philosophical shit to pick other friends while continuing to live inside the bubble (I still love you prash, put down that knife please). I chose not to.

In the end, even though your destiny is roughly mapped out, it all depends upon the choices you make. Whether you choose to learn or not. Thus yes, failure is not the opposite of success, it becomes a part of success.

So please, by all means, fall, dear friend. Fall, and then choose to get back up.

here are some related materposts if you want to read more:

One way to change your life: your perspective (out new!)

Musings on The Bubble Trap + how to get out of it

Why should you conquer: the value of your life (popular!)

Read my Interviews with my friend, Prash!

Want instant motivation? Here’s my #ThursdayPickup!

Well, it’s a wrap! I post new articles every week (the schedule’s here) so you can follow me if you are into killing the game & conquering life. I’ll do my best to help you in the tough yet amazing journey called life. ✨

If you want to go thru my blog, I would rec picking your choice of post from my masterpost list! Or, if you want to read something insightful on your cozy afternoon while chilling under blankets, I would rec reading one of my interviews. Feeling spoilt for choices? Here’s another! If you want to implement the ideas I share in my masterposts by taking action, take on one of my challenges! + you can also request a blog post! For that, leave your question in my ask box.

I hope you are well, stay strong and conquer life, you conqueror.

- Nandini (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

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gilbertandanne · 6 years

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Katie please go off on how much Lucas respects Riley in GMW like in the crossover episode "we'll go when you're ready" and then in girl meets bear "After you" like my fucking heart Katie

Ohhh, we all know how much he respects her and he’s proven time and time again that when it comes to their relationship, he lets her take the lead:

GM Sneak Attack: He knows she’s not ready to go out on a date yet. Part of the episode is her realizing that she’s not ready to take that crush to that level yet, and he sees that. He’s a year older, so he’s probably ready to go out on dates and whatever, but he recognizes that she isn’t, so what does he do? He tells Missy that they’d “have more fun hanging out together”. He’s willing to wait.

GM Truth: “My moment will by my moment.” -- Clearly letting her and the audience know that he’s waiting for the right time.

GM First Date: Throughout the first season, we see their friendship growing as they become more and more comfortable around one another. Fast forward to GM First Date. Riley announces to the entire class that “I will decide who I will go on my first date with at such time as somebody asks me.” That was what he needed to know. His hand goes up, my heart melts a little, and well, cue the theme song.

Farkle: So, are you gonna ask one of them out?

Lucas: Maybe I will. Someday.

He’s still waiting for the right moment, but Maya comes in with her grand scheme and forces his hand. He asks Riley’s father’s permission (who DOES that?!) and then asks her. Aside from Ski 2, this is the only time he really takes the lead in their relationship by asking her out. Cue the ooey-goodness and the look that still leaves me shook™ and their first and only screen kiss.

GM New World: Perfect example of what happens when everyone else kind of forces them into rushing into a relationship. I have conflicting opinions on whether or not Lucas was ready to try being in a relationship with Riley at this point, but either way, it becomes apparent in this episode that he sees (I mean, how could he not) how uncomfortable she is. He knows they’re being pressured into it and knows that it’s affecting their relationship. It’s the last thing he wants. As we find out later (Ski 2), his favorite thing in the world is talking to her, and they can’t even do that anymore. So, what does he do? He breaks up with her because they aren’t ready. He wants her to be comfortable with whatever they are, so, once again, he lets her take the lead (which is apparent when she addresses the students at school at the end of the ep: “{...} nobody is moving too fast here”

GM Semi-Formal: “Charlie, you may not know this, but Riley and I kind of have an unofficial thing going.” He didn’t think he had to ask her to the dance. He assumed they would be going together because he thought their unofficial thing was more official than that. “I just naturally assumed that we were going together. I thought we were going together. I’m...I should have asked.” This episode is truly one of my favorites of the series for several reasons, and one of those reasons is because (for me), it seems apparent that he took their unofficial thing fairly seriously considering how their conversation at the semi-formal went:

Riley: “Why did you assume we were going to the dance if we’re not officially together?”

Lucas: “I don’t know. Why would you make a big deal about it if we’re not officially together?”

Between the events in Yearbook and the events in Semi-Formal, confusion about their relationship and what it is (or isn’t) forms because their lack of communication with one another. All the while, there Lucas is, still waiting for his moment, waiting for her to be ready to make that unofficial thing official, but here comes another issue: Charlie. Does she like Charlie? Where does that leave them? Lucas, being Lucas, doesn’t push the issue.

GM Rileytown: As my bf so lovingly put it: “Damn, is Lucas gonna beat up a chick?” Protective AF, but when it came down to it, when she told him not to get involved, he backed off, and let her handle the situation how she wanted to.

BFW - Cyd & Shelby’s Haunted Escape: I LOVE how Riley and Lucas are written in this episode. I really do. There are so many little moments between them that show how their friendship as progressed like how Lucas loves the show Cuddle Bunnies, and Riley knows he watches it everyday. Their comedic timing was perfect in this one.

The “we’ll go when you’re ready” is quintessential Lucas. He never wants to push her into anything she doesn’t want to do, even if it’s something he doesn’t quite understand: like wanting to stay in an escape room.

GM Rah Rah: He's proud her, but he also doesn’t want her to get hurt/disappointed by potentially not making the squad. Even when she decides to continue, he’s there supporting her with everyone else.

GM Texas 1, 2, 3: This post is already getting long, and I feel that Texas is pretty self explanatory. “If it wasn’t for you, I don’t know if I would have survived in New York.”

Ok, this thing is really going off the rails into something you didn’t even ask about...

GM New Year: No-chill Friar. Trying very hard to keep it together because he thinks she wants to be with Charlie-----until he finds out she doesn’t.

GM Legacy: He steps back from her because he doesn’t “want this to be the end of us.” He can’t hurt either girl because no matter what happened, he would end up hurting them both.

GM Jexica: “I’d recognize you anywhere.”

GM Triangle/GM Upstate: I’ll forever maintain that he realized what was going on with Maya during the jellybean scene and before he announces that he’s made his decision. He wasn’t surprised by Maya saying that no matter who he picked, it’d be Riley since she had been acting like that. He might’ve not known why she did it, but I think he figured it out. But, out of respect for both girls and their friendship, he decided to keep his decision to himself until Maya became herself again.

GM Ski Lodge 1, 2: No-chill Friar returns. They realize that conversation is the most important part of any relationship (to which he prob already knows since a lot of the drama could have been prevented had they just communicated, but whatever). He’s trying to get them all to agree to a decision because as I mentioned before, if he hurts one of them, he hurts both of them, and he could never hurt them. Once he feels like he’s able to have that conversation with Riley, he does, and the things he says are so incredibly respectful. He’s quick to let her know that she can talk to whoever she wants to (that her talking to Evan wasn’t what made him upset). “So, you’ve been thinking about this too?” “I choose you, and I really want you to choose me.”

And, of course, he finally had his moment.

GM Bear: Obviously him and Farkle wanting to bail on finding the bear toward the beginning of the episode was there for comedic effect, but he was right next to her as they searched for it. He told her about his little sack of gold and helped her to realize that sometimes things needed to be let go of in order to grow up. Then he was completely adorable and asked her to go to the movies with him.

GM GLONY: Deleted Scene: Riley thinks she rambling on about these Russian nesting dolls, so she stops and apologizes. Lucas tells her "No, keep going. I like it when you keep going.”

GM She Don’t Like Me: Literally picked her up and carried her to class because she was too depressed to do it on her own.

GM WOT 3: He lets her handle her conflict with Maya in her own way, but sticks close by just in case.

GM Sweet Sixteen: “I’m hopeful for us too, Riley.”

I don’t think any of this made sense. I went off the rails, and didn’t cover everything, but I’ve worked on this for awhile now, and I’m just gonna post it.

ANYWAY, Lucas respects the hell out of his girlfriend, Riley Matthews, and it’s a beautiful story that ended WAY before it should have.

#my chaotic ramblings #if you understand this then bless you #i'm not even gonna re-read it #so this is unedited #madelinecoffee

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