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acourtofidiots · 7 months

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Kinktober Day 1: Breeding & Creampie [Rhysand]

DAY ONE LETS GO!!!! Honestly, I've been super super behind on writing for Kinktober and this is probably going to be the longest piece I'm going to write. Between work, and my ADHD meds on backorder, my attention has been GONE every time I try and sit down to write, so hopefully I can at least get a few things going on my days off so I don't have to scramble together and fall behind on prompts.

warnings: breeding kink, creampie, dirty talk, inappropriate use of daemati powers (idk the word for this lol)

Kinktober masterlist | askbox | main masterlist

18+ ONLY

“Cauldron, you looked absolutely ravishing tonight, my love,” Rhysand purrs, teasing the tip of his cock along your drenched folds. You whined, wiggling your hips back to get some friction, but your mate tuts, holding you still with a hand on your hip.

“Patience, my dear Y/N.” You can practically hear the smirk in his voice, the damn male knowing how weak his teasing made you.

“Rhys,” you whined, voice catching in your throat when he started to tap his cock against your clit. “Please!”

“Please, what?” Your mind was spinning, and it took your energy to respond to him.

“P-please, I need your cock so badly. ‘M so empty it hurts!” And with that, he slides into you, one glorious inch at a time, moaning at your slick walls clenching.

The world is holding its breath, anxiously awaiting for the High Lord and Lady of the Night Court to make their move, show Pyrthian the power they have over their court. Your hands clench at the quilt, nails digging in to restrain yourself from wiggling your hips.

“Oh, my darling,” Rhysand breathes as he places feather-light kisses up your spine before gently biting the crook where your neck and shoulder meet. “I cannot wait to fuck a child into you, have you practically dripping at the end of the night with my seed.”

You clenched at his filthy words and could feel his claws tap at your mental shield. You let it down briefly, only to be shown what he was thinking: You, your arms holding a small bundle of joy as Rhysand chases another child around the House of Wind. Your heart swelled at the sight of your mate scooping the child up with a laugh and placing a kiss on their head. The two turn towards you, and Rhysand takes your child’s small hand in your direction.

You groan at the sight as your mate retreats from your mind, hips slowly thrusting in and out of you. “Rhysie, please. I need your cum. I need to cum on your cock.” You could practically feel yourself start to shake the longer he kept his leisurely pace. It would be a matter of moments before you grew frustrated and would take matters into your own hands.

Teeth grazed your neck, the dragging of his cock against your sensitive walls was driving you more and more out of your mind, and you didn’t know how much longer you could take. “Hold on tight, darling.”

You practically exploded when his pace increased tenfold, the lewd sounds of skin slapping against skin and groans filled the air, and you were thankful to have a place of your own. You wouldn’t hear the last of Cassian’s teasing if he walked in.

You could feel the telltale signs of your orgasm, your hands digging into the blankets beneath you, walls clenching around your mate’s cock that was hitting the right spot over and over again. But it all came crashing down the moment you felt Rhysand bring his fingers down to swipe over your clit once before rubbing it in harsh circles.

“Come, Y/N. I want you to come for me. Let me fill you up,” Rhys groans, and you let out a particularly loud moan at his words. “Let me put a baby in you.” The world comes crashing down around you, waves of pleasure flying through your veins as you come undone. Your mind was racing, unable to comprehend your mate reaching his own peak and shooting his load deep inside you.

The room was silent for a moment. Only your collective pants filled the air as you both took time to come down from your highs. Placing a kiss on your bare shoulder, your mate pulls back, and you whimper as his cock slips from your sore pussy.

“Shh, it’s ok, my darling.” You hear him coo behind you before you feel calloused hands grip your cheeks and pull them apart, watching a mixture of your releases slowly drip down your thighs. He sucks in a breath before slowly inserting two fingers back into you, making sure to press as deep as he could.

“Can’t let anything escape,” Rhys purrs, and you shiver.

#actoar #acotar x reader #acotar x reader smut #rhysand smut #rhysand acotar #rhysand x reader #julia.writes #julia.kinktober

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thevestigeofvanillaan · 1 year

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billy hargrove x pregnant/mom!reader.

content: mentions of smut, alcohol use, the kid isn't billy's genetically, friends to lovers, swearing, mention of smoking.

i'm probably gonna make several different versions of this where it's different situations but idk yet. oh and i changed red text (in the content section that refers to words or things that may be triggering for some readers) to green because i didn't like how the green and red looked together. oh and sorry if i don't post so much, it's honestly because of school and mid terms and like i kinda wanna do good on that lmao so that's what i'm focusing on rn. it's likely that the next few posts will be drafts.

Billy fucking Hargrove being the first one to find out about your pregnancy had to have been the stupidest but best decision in your life.

You'd gotten pregnant by someone, whom you hadn't known because who's to shame you for being an adult with sexual needs?

Letting Billy know you had something important to tell him and for him to head over to your apartment, he got there in his breaking record of three minutes. Barging in through your door, no warning whatsoever still wearing his work uniform.

"You can't just walk into my house like that." You scold, though all you're doing is sitting on your couch reading a magazine.

"Your door is open.." He'd say in that sarcastically rude tone he'd always use as he takes his spot beside you on the couch. "So what's up?".

Sighing and standing up, walking over to the tv table rested across the room to pick up a test and a picture. Handing the two items to your friend who looks at them in confusion. "What?"

"Are you fucking stupid?" You'd dramatically point at the place on the test where it says "pregnancy test" in bold lettering.

"Did someone come by and drop that off to you? Tell you to show me?" He'd say with a concerned expression and you'd sarcastically laugh at how stupid he is.

"No you idiot. Wait– did you? Nevermind, no. It's mine." You shake your head and sit beside him as he examines the picture of your uterus.

He sits for a moment before opening his mouth, his back falling back expressing that he understands as he lets out a big "Ohhh."

"Yeah, ohhh." You repeat in a soft whisper and he looks into your eyes.

"Who's the dad?" Is his first question. Which you'd expected him to ask. Often times the two of you would talk about your sex life to one another as you'd been close friends and to put it bluntly both of you were whores and had all the gossip of how such and such is in bed. Common to find yourselves on the couch taking shots talking shit about certain people's way of going at it and falling asleep in eachothers arms.

You don't say anything, a small smile starting to form on your face and he immediately understands, the two of you giggle together.

"Seriously though, I need help. What do I do?" You ask, shoving his shoulder slightly as he places the test and picture on the glass table that rests affront the two of you.

"What do you want to do?" He asked, referring to if you want to keep it or not. You had to think long and hard about your decision.

If we're being honest, all you could think about was who you were going to have sex with when your tummy starts showing. Which is ridiculous, but it felt important. And you're sure to voice that to Billy.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" He laughs and you giggle back. You were like two bestfriends talking about their crushes at a sleepover.. except, this was way more serious than that.

——Start - 2 months——

And thats how it began. Billy took care of you, bringing you home food after work and talking to you until you would fall asleep. He brought you pain meds and heating pads when you were complaining. He really was your bestfriend. And you knew he would act like this.

What you weren't expecting was his reaction to your hormones. You thought maybe he'd just leave you alone when you were horny to masturbate, but no. Because when you complained about being horny mid regular conversation on the phone he'd tell you "Be there in like.. 5." before hanging up.

You were confused but like he said he would be there, he just walked into your door with some bag in his hand while you were curled up on your couch reading your magazine wearing just panties and one of Billy's shirts that'd been at your house.

"I told you, you can't just walk into my house, Billy." You smile when he throws you an annoyed expression.

"Not my fault little miss 'nobody wants to fuck a pregnant woman' complains about being horny all the time." He wasn't wrong, you complained about it a lot and almost every time he'd tell you to get with someone and you'd argue the same thing every time.

"Well what are you gonna do about it mr 'I can just walk into your house because of something you said over the phone'?" You laugh and stand up on wobbly feet.

He walks over to you and rubs his hand over your small but obvious little bump, his other hand going to push a strand of hair behind your ear. "Let me take care of you mama." He'd smirk down at you when your breath hitches at his request.

"Pretty sure you saying 'mama' just made me cum so I think I'm good actually." You giggle and bring your forearms to rest on his shoulders and tangle your hands in his curly blonde locks.

Pulling his head down so you could feel his hot breath colliding with your own, looking into his eyes and grabbing a better grip on his hair before he leans down into your lips.

At first it's a simple kiss, lasts a few seconds then you release. But your lips chase eachothers and find them creating contact again. His cold hands rubbing under your shirt causing goosebumps to form on your skin and you moan into the kiss, giving him time to slip his tongue into your mouth.

Your knees hit the back of the couch and you sit down, laying back and he hovers over you.

That night he gave you the best god damn sex you've had in all the 23 years of life you've lived on this planet. You knew he would be good, but that good? Could just be the hormones but wow.

——6 months——

"You suck." You'd say, chest falling up and down as Billy falls naked be your side on your bed, throwing a heavy arm to rest just above your now big belly. A low vibrating chuckle leaves his lips. "At this point you're the one who has me knocked up by how many times you've came inside me.. kids gonna come out looking just like you." You joked.

"You're already pregnant why would I pull out?" He smirks and pecks your lips softly.

——8 months——

You'd been about 8 and a half months pregnant when you starting going to the community pool that Billy worked at during summers. It became his side summer job since highschool, you used to go with him all the time and talk to him while he's working so he's not so bored.

Laying on one of the chairs that rests in the sun, reading your magazine like always with a lollipop in your mouth. You resorted to lollipops rather than cigarettes while pregnant, and so did Billy.

Before his shift started he'd make sure to come out and sit on the end of the chair with your feet in his lap, rubbing them softly as you complain about how expensive the shitty hair sprays were in the magazines.

"Can you put sunscreen on me?" You ask, handing him the bottle of lotion with a knowing smile and he'd take it from you with a dramatic groan. But he knew damn well he enjoyed doing it for you. All the moms reactions when he'd rub your big belly and massage your back, sneakily rubbing hands between your thighs just to "make sure they won't get burnt" admiring the hickies he'd left the night prior.

And the new lifeguard girl that begun working there since Heather stopped would head off her chair, walking past the two of you saying "Your shift, dad." throwing you a wink.

He'd laugh and loudly whisper to you "Call me daddy." and get up, not before pecking your lips softly. Heading over his chair where he's meant to be watching the kids but he can't keep his eyes off you.

——Delivery——

Billy's in the room when you deliver. All the kids such as Max, El, Lucas, Dustin, Will, and Mike sat in the waiting room until they got the okay to head in. Nancy, Jonathan, Steve, and Robin where there too as they were pretty good friends of you and Billy.

The younger kids came in first as a big group and you were convinced that wasn't allowed but didn't care when you saw the smiles on their faces as they came and stood beside your bed where you were holding your daughter. The only one who didn't stand by your bed was Max, who was sitting in a chair patiently next to Billy, making conversation.

They'd cascade you with questions that you didn't answer. Things like did it hurt, who's the dad was a big one, and are you okay was the one you answered.

"I'm fine guys, really. Just can't go up stairs for a while." You smile softly. It was a c-section, rather than vaginal. Again, something you decided on because of sex.. Not completely though, knowing that you didn't want vaginal birth anyway.

"So.. who's the dad?" El would ask, just curious unlike others who may have just wanted to hear the gossip.

You eye Billy and smile, "He is." you nod your head in reference to him and they all gasp in shock except El and Max.

"Are you guys slow or something? Why do you think he was in the room this whole time?" Max would roll her eyes and stand up, pushing them out of the way to see her niece that she waited patiently enough to see.

Her features soften and she sighs before asking "Can I hold her?".

You smile softly and make space for her to sit down on your hospital bed before handing her your daughter. She handled her with so much love and care, and you've honestly never been happier.

——Following Week——

Billy ended up moving into your apartment, he was there almost all the time anyway. Besides, decidedly he was the father to your baby. And he was a damn good one.

——2 months——

You hear the cries of your daughter at a little past midnight. Sitting up and wiping your eyes to go get her, your boyfriend sits up quicker than you can take the blankets off.

"Hey, go back to sleep baby. I got her." He'd get up and walk his half naked self to your daughter's room. Not long after you hear the door open and sit up again, you couldn't find yourself falling back asleep.

"Is she okay?" You ask with a small voice and Billy chuckles, standing by the bed.

"She's fine, baby. Thought you were gonna go back to bed." He says as you crawl over to him, sitting yourself on your knees and you take his hand. You nod your head no and he asks why.

"Not tired no more." You shoot him a pretty smile and you stay on your knees, just lifting your body up to where you're eye level with Billy. You kiss him softly. "Can we take shots?" You ask with a smirk on your features.

He nods his head as he chuckles, placing his hands on your waist before kissing you again. "Just one though." He says inbetween kisses and you smile into the last one.

You make your way off the bed and follow him in a little jog to the kitchen. You felt like a teenager all over again, taking shots with Billy and giggling together about whatever was going on in your lives. You missed that, more than anything while pregnant. And you were scared. Scared that if after he had sex with you it would be awkward. But no, it changed your life for the better. And you couldn't wish to be with anyone else.

#vanillaan #stranger things #billy hargrove #stranger things smut #billy hargrove smut #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove imagine

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the-s1lly-corner · 5 months

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Caine and kinger x reader with ADHD

Caine and Kinger x reader w/ ADHD

yahoo!! gonna knock out some requests today !! this is gonna be based off of my own experiences btw !! not much else i can think to put in this authors note so! ill just get on with it note from the future, little longer than i intended but thats mostly because admin started relating TOO much wuh-oh

CAINE:

caine is honestly really good about keeping you on track when theres a task at hand. i dont know about you, but i tend to wander about when im working on something; to check on something else repeatedly then coming back to what needs to be done and just go back and forth.(shit im even doing it now, the getting up and checking on things thing even though i know the thing is fine/complete) i like to think that caine would be pretty okay at making sure you get the thing you need/want to do done! i dont think theres meds in the digital world, i mean yeah sure you can ask for them but since theyre digital theyre not going to actually. do anything. but lets say in a hypothetical au where this all takes place in the real world and caine is a real person, he would make sure you take them consistently and on time. honestly this hc isnt really part of the ask but; i generally like to think that caine likes to follow routines and schedules as closely as he can... maybe its the ringmaster thing since hes tasked with keeping everything running but... shrugs

very supportive when you make a small mistake in something (like this is just a general thing, though) and isnt too obnoxious with trying to hold or regain your attention is something happens to the side and steals it away. very patient and polite with it, i think

last minute addition because it hit me like a sack of bricks. time blindness. fucking time blindness. you know how i mentioned that caine is good at keeping you on track? i think he would be good with helping you out with that, at least some of it. mostly logging your activities and him keeping an eye on the time (which he already does so its not like an extra habit he needs to pick up.. though if it werent he would pick it up in a heartbeat. literally anything for you, he loves you a lot)

KINGER:

honestly he might start to mimic your stims and fidgets! he doesnt mean to mock you, no i just think he would start to reflect your actions after spending most of his time around you to make sure you're okay! while caine keeps you on track, kinger is likely to go with you when you wander off to check/do something else. really unless its something time sensitive or really important is when hes going to start outwardly reassuring you that the other thing is fine. honestly, in an au with the real world i was originally going to say he would have a chance of forgetting to help remind you/ask if you took your meds (if you take them) but i think he would take stuff like that way too seriously to even DARE forget. like yeah sure you're not going to d1e if you forget to take them for a single day but still. he'd probably be like this with any meds tbh, so if you're prone to forgetting youll be fine as long as you have kinger around! gibes you pillows for fidget stuff, if you are feeling restless. or perhaps even goes on a walk with you around the circus grounds. like idk about yall, or if this is something completely unrelated, but my legs HURT when i sit too still. like down to the bone, if i dont get up every now and then its agony; sleeping is hell and on days its worse than others (like im talking sometimes i need to be in near constant movement) (also jerky arms and legs) (anyways)

also very polite with returning your attention to where it needs to be but honestly given that kinger himself is shown to space out at least twice in the pilot i think sometimes you guys both get side tracked and struggle to remember and/or get back into the flow of what you were originally doing

ponders

tldr; caine keeps you more on track with schedules whereas kinger embraces your flow a little more but both are respectful of things and dont really make you feel less than + remind you to take care of yourself

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #kinger x reader

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sihtricfedaraaahvicius · 1 year

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I have been thinking of ways to make it a fun read for those who want to know about my comic con trip. This is the best I could do.

it was my first time going to a con alone, I have massive social anxiety and am still trying to learn how to live with adhd/sensory overload issues

this was a really, really big deal as I have never done this for any other series/group of actors

At 10AM their Q&A panel started

I was in disbelief seeing Alex, Arnas, Mark and Timothy

In real life?????? WHAT?????

They are ALL beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!

No, really, so beautiful?? And for what???

also funny as hell

It eased me knowing how good their energy was

After the panel Arnas walked past me

He didn't look at me tho (well my back was turned to him at first)

but I did fuck up the text message I was writing when I saw him so close once I looked up

My first photo op was with Arnas an hour later

Boy I was nervous

Legit thought I would pass out seconds before

He said HELLO

And suddenly I was looking into his eyes

HIS!!!! EYES!!!!!!

I was so flustered because wow?????

WOW!!

also he looks taller on tv???

But JUST AS BEAUTIFUL IRL

"Do you want to pick me up?" I blurted out

"I? you? SURE!" he stammered

Mans really went for it and picked me up

I thought we were posing already

But lil dude leaned in closer to me

Supported me with his thigh too???

Oh man those thighs….

Whewhhh

Also after the pic I saw my leg had rested onto his leg too???

But yeah so basically he had me in his arms AND in his lap??

He felt so warm

And soft

So comfortable…

what was I saying

OH, right, the picture so yes

After he put me back on my feet we both looked a lil??? Lost???

And I asked for a quick hug which he gave and HHHHH

I thought I looked really silly in my pic but when I saw it I nearly screamed

I love it

Okay then my picture with Mark and Arnas

I was still nervous but also hyper as fuck at that point (bc my meds kicked in)

You had to wait around a lil corner before your pic got taken

The group pics were taken all together, so Alexander was there and I think Timothy too but honestly I didn't see him because well:

I walked in the booth and did my regular HELLO *jazz hands/deer in headlights*

What was I thinking???? Lmao

And I locked eyes with Alexander and WOW

Beautiful man

But he got shoved away by the staff because I only had a photo with Mark & Arnas

sorry

Mark: wow that was high energy (he chuckled aaaaahhh)

"YOU!!!!" Arnas yelled with big eyes

Mark: do you have a pose in mind?

Me: no, I'm just?????

Mark: okay we'll-

Arnas blurted out(and I type in caps so you understand how hyper he was and how FAST he rambled): I HAVE AN IDEA!!! YOU COME STAND HERE *he pointed next to him* AND WE LIFT YOU UP BY YOUR HANDS LIKE THIS *he grabbed my hand!!!!* IS THAT OKAY? *looking into my eyes* ARE YOU- ARE YOU SAFE????? *he nodded with a lowkey concerned look*

Mans was really double checking if I was comfortable with his idea

Arnas really wanted to lift me up again huh????

They took my hands

Mark placed his hand on my upper arm

Arnas wrapped his hand around my elbow

luckily everything went so fast I could not think about that one fic request in my messages which I almost finished about a threesome with Sihtric and Finan

ANYWAY

I looked at Mark

Who gave me a mild concerned smile????? dude????

"Just don't drop me" I whispered under my breath

And they lifted me up and for some reason everyone in the room went like "ooohhh" admiringly

???? idk why

Probably because they lifted me very graceful and smoothly

Once I was back on my feet again I thanked Mark as Arnas ran to the photographer

Arnas: wait, I think I looked down when you took the photo, let me see??

I froze midway, looking at Arnas, and I shrugged like??? Is the pic good???

Everything seemed fine and I thanked them again and walked off

I like to believe Arnas just wanted to take the pic again so he could lift me up once more HAHA

Just kidding

I didn't noticed during the pic itself but Arnas stood adorably close to me while Mark was more casual

and MARK'S FACE LMAOOOOOO

I just crack up every time I see the pic

Mark really squished my arm tho

Also why does Arnas look so good??

I don't even know what his expression is but yes please

Also, Arnas, clean your sneakers baby boy

AUTOGRAPH TIME (only Arnas tho, I'm a broke girl)

I brought the Lords of the North book for him to sign (first book Sihtric appears in)

Arnas: wauw!!! Lords of the North!! Can I- is that inside?

Me: ehhh I would prefer it if you uhh like on the cover…

(I misunderstood him, I only noticed when I heard our conversation back, he meant if it was really the book inside the loose cover, but I thought he wanted to sign inside the book)

Arnas: just an autograph? or???

Me, feeling confident: you can write an entire poem if you want

Arnas: I can write a poem?

Me: go nuts…

Arnas: Sanne, Sanne… in the sky…. Sanne, Sanne…. Sanne, Sanne, like the sun… this is gonna be weird. Sanne, Sanne, like the sun… shine upon us, will you hon?

hon????????????????

Yeah I died

I watched him write and noticed how he writes like me

Me: I love how he just gradually gets larger handwriting

Arnas: that's my like-

Me: NO BUT SAME (I feared I offended him, I speak without thinking sometimes)

Arnas: No, no, but the people are- they say you have mental issues if you like- if your writing goes like this

Me: no! But it's, yes! But I think it's an ADHD thing, which is what I have

Arnas: you like… like… yeah

Me: And since my childhood they were like "your handwriting is…it's really bad"

Arnas: Yeah! Yeah, I've been, always been told that.

Me: and I can't write like this… I always write every letter together

Arnas: I know! I've someth- when I, if I j-journal I usually do that, but I'm, I'm trying to copy my dad because his handwriting is… *gets distracted by his poem* shine upon us…

Arnas: taking a lot of space. I did write a poem! I don't know, you told me to. I hope I didn't mess it up.

(I reassured him he didn't)

I asked if he wanted to take the selfie after that

Arnas: absolutely! SANNEEEEEEEE!!!!

Here we just both had the zoomies

He fumbled with the popsocket on my phone and I lowkey gestured apologising?????

Arnas: I love these. *wrapped his arm around me*. No, no, I just wanna put my finger in this(the popsocket!!). Cause I always, I always rip them off

Me: oh don't do that

Arnas: well, cause, OH

He accidentally took the photo already as he was rambling

He took a few pics

Arnas: give us a hug *he leaned in*

Me: distracted as he had just handed my phone

Arnas: GIVE US A HUG

Me: wAIT of course

*he pulled me in*

Oh my god?????

Me, after hug: I also wanted to tell you that-

Arnas: you smell nice!

?????????????????????

Me: oh thank you! But I wanted to tell you that I recently saw Deadly Code, because my boyfriend is from Lithuania too so-

Arnas: OOOOH I saw you!! You lived there, right????

Me: wait, no, what???

Arnas: because I saw the pictures on instagram! I mean you tagged me and you had pictures of Lithuania, right?

Me, somehow very boldly: were you stalking my page? (jokingly)

Arnas: WELL… you tagged me in something and I was like "who is this girl?" and then I went to your page and I saw the pictures

Please know that I only tagged him in a few of my insta stories about TLK, and I know he only saw the first one I tagged him in, which is nearly two months ago now????? So it had to be that time he went to my page and why tf did he remember

I'm crying

Asdhbfjkhk

He then asked my boyfriend's name and told me to greet my bf in Lithuanian

I thanked him in Lithuanian and he said it back to me, and said something like he'll see me next time again (guess I kinda have to meet him again now huh)

After that I went to Alexander his line, next to Arnas, for a selfie

Arnas looked at me several times again as I was waiting there

It made me nervous so I tried to avoid his eyes LMAO

ALEXANDER

Oh my, so sweet, so calm!!!!

Complete opposite of Arnas his chaotic energy

Such an angel

All of them are angels btw

And then I went home bc tired

Later that night I made a lil insta post about the day and explained to my followers how it went and how I handled it, as they know what big of a deal it was for me to do all this on my own

Then Arnas liked my post the next morning

And he fucking commented: WELL DONE

And now I'm here….

Still smiling like an idiot

Also my bf was legit a bit bitter about Arnas his behaviour and his words to me

oopsie

Anyway

yeah that was it... this post is way too long. I don't have the digital pics yet so yeah this is it

#the last kingdom #arnas fedaravicius #alexander dreymon #mark rowley #finan #sihtric #uhtred

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mantasunray-art · 2 months

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ok no one cares about what i have to say but im gonna say it anyway. i don't think it took it all with as much force as a lot of people because 1 i've been very much back on my klance era those last 3 months and i'm watching the office and f1 so i have other stuff to care about (which i didn't have back in oct 2022), 2 since i moved to tumblr i've been spending much less time doomscrolling over this community and reading everyone's thoughts about everything which made me more detached from it all and made me see that i'm doing much better now (i feel less anxious over missing stuff and not knowing everything all the time), and 3 i honestly don't think george is that huge monster that some people are making him to be like that was irresponsible and shouldn't have happened at all but it's not like he has a history of stuff like that or even much worse stuff like yknow some actually terrible abusive people around. so yeah i seriously could see me coming back to some extent. but i just don't think i will because holy fuck the fact that i didn't have to take my anxiety meds nor cried over this in comparison to other times in this fandom makes me see that i can be free??? i have to embrace being out of this unstable hellhole because it was taking a toll on me mentally. before i couldn't because the pros oughtweighted the cons and it was pretty much my only interest so not having it made me wanna kind of die lol and that's why i panicked so much. i was overly dependent on it. of course putting a lot of your happiness onto famous people is a terrible idea but i didn't have any other option at the time. but now i finally have something else (for example klance is my roman empire seriously. first fandom and left it for this one) so i'm gonna embrace it !!! or at least try i guess. so yea those are my thoughts and regarding this acc idk what im gonna do yet but i'm not abandoning it i think. twitter though im most definitely not coming back but that has been basically dead for idk 5 months hahahah

tl dr: i like other stuff and that made my mental health pretty stable over this whole thing and now that i have other stuff to make me happy i really don't wanna go back to throwing up with anxiety over famous rich people that don't even know me even if they're very dear to me and made me happy a bunch of other times

#b.ramble #uhhhh my thoughts about everything #idk how to tag

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graciegoeskrazy · 1 year

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not my first rodeo

pairing: Bucky Barnes x Teen!reader

word count: ~630

content/warnings: death scare, HYDRA(lol)

AN: heya. Inspo struck so here you go. Idk if i like it honestly but here u go. enjoy to the best of your abilities.

The news hit hard. All you could do was panic as the words fell from Steve’s lips. There was no way this could happen. There was no way he could leave you like this. You couldn't live without him. Bucky was practically your father, maybe not by blood, but by heart, and as far as he thinks, that is much more important. He loved you more than anyone else could. Both of you were HYDRA’s pets. Seen as nothing but things to be used to their advantage. He was determined to give you a life outside of HYDRA. A good life- a normal one. Living with the Avengers and having a super soldier as a father wasn’t necessarily “normal”, but it was your life, and you were forever indebted to bucky for giving it to you. He saved your life, and you praised yourself you would always do the same for him.

You left Steve in the large lounge room where you had resided and ran straight to the elevator. The ride to the med bay seemed to be going at a snail's pace. The dings that sounded on every floor started to test your patience. Once the door slid open, you ran as fast as your legs could carry you toward your father.

“Bucky?!” Once you slid into the room, you spotted Bruce in a lab coat, probably running some kind of test. He spotted you and gave you a somber look, feeling bad for your worrying. You however could only register the look as a bad sign. “Where is he?!” Before Bruce could answer, a familiar voice sounded in the room, “In here doll.” You ran into the room next door and were met with the tired eyes of your father. You barely took in his appearance. You tackled him into a hug which took him back. “Woah, doll. You alright?” Your eyes went wide as you still clung to him. “Are you kidding me?! Are you okay?!” He let out a slight chuckle. “Yeah, why wouldn't I be?”

He can’t be serious.

“YOU WERE STABBED GOD DAMN IT! HOW ARE YOU OKAY?!”

He slowly started to peel away from you. “Woah, hold on, y/n. Take a breather.” As his gaze fell on you he took note of the worry and tears painted all over it. “Sit down and breathe will you?”

You sat beside him. He used his not-stabbed arm to wipe away some of your tears and push some hair out of your face as you calmed down. “There’s my pretty girl.” He said with a small smile which you returned as well. It took a second for your breathing to even out. “Why are you so worked up, my love?” You swallowed, trying to speak without having another breakdown. “Steve said you were stabbed in the shoulder and arm! It scared me so I came down here to find you!” Bucky started laughing a little.

“Hey! Don’t laugh. I thought you were gonna die.” He sighed, “y/n, it's the metal arm.”

Ohhhhhhhhhh

“Whoops.” was all you could say before you both burst out into laughter. “But what about your shoulder?!” He sighed, “Yeah they got me there, but it's nothing I haven't dealt with before. Plus, I got Bruce over there helping me out. I’ll be fine before you know it. Your eyes wandered down as more sad thoughts consumed your mind. “Hey, don’t make that sad face. I’m not dying or anything, okay?” You shrugged. “Steve made it sound like you were.”

“No, I didn't! You didn't let me finish my sentence!” he said from the other room. You both laughed. “Nothing that can’t be fixed. Don’t worry so much, will you?” He said as he brushed your hair with his working arm. “Whatever.”

#bucky barnes x teen!reader #bucky barnes #sebastian stan x daughter!reader #sebastian stan #bucky barnes x daughter!reader #marvel #sebastian stan x teen!reader #x daughter!reader #aesthetic #music

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lamonnaie · 19 days

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Get to Know Me Tag :)

Thanks for the tag @cornflowershade and @qt-qtoey !! <33

do you make your bed? very rarely lol, i can't be bothered most days 🫡

what's your favourite number? 7

what is your job? i do private tutoring + work at a tutoring place

if you could go back to school, would you? uhh i mean i'm still in uni, med school's rough so idk if i'd wanna ever come back 😭 Although i took a linguistics unit once and it was rlly interesting, maybe i'd like to go back at some point (in the very distant future) to do more of that for fun :))

can you parallel park? nope, still on my learners and i haven't gotten around to learning lol

a job you had that would surprise people? hmm honestly haven't had any particularly surprising jobs? just the regular minimum wage retail stuff <//3

ooh but if we go with something adjacent that people would find surprising, i think irls would be very shocked to know that i write fanfic 😂

do you think aliens are real? Potentially? I feel like there's surely something somewhere out there, idk in what capacity though

can you drive a manual car? nope

what's your guilty pleasure? nothing's a guilty pleasure if you're shameless enough about your interests 😌

tattoos? i like the idea of them but i don't think i'll ever get one :)

favorite color? purple!! hence all the question colours hehehe

favorite type of music? osts of whichever show/movie i'm watching at the moment, that's pretty much the only music i've been listening for the last 2-ish years 😭 i guess most of that will count under pop music!

do you like puzzles? yesss!!! i love any and all types of puzzles <33

any phobias? idk if it's a phobia but i'm definitely NOT a fan of bugs/creepy crawlies, pls stay away from me 🙏🙏

favorite childhood sport? ahahaha i hated sports class with a passion all throughout school 😪 but i liked watching swimming and tennis a lot, i still keep up with tennis sometimes !!

do you talk to yourself? mostly just in my head, i'm surrounded by people most of the time so i wouldn't wanna talk out loud lol

what movies do you adore? i'm not rlly a big movie person, but some movies i've rewatched many times: Tenet, Tell Me How I Die (it's this horror movie with Ryan Higa of nigahiga fame that i was obsessed with when it first came out because i was going through a nigahiga phase 😩), Barbie and the Diamond Castle (the og barbie movies stay superior 💯💯), We Are Champions (only watched this recently, it's a taiwanese movie with my fav fandy fan in it <3 it's a very solid sports movie :))

coffee or tea? Coffee !!! although i like tea too. iced coffee and iced tea ftw

first thing you wanted to be growing up? i don't rlly remember? probably author or teacher :)

tagging @dramalets @xinhua-jun @kess-in-the-perthchimzone @quodekash @buckystilinski @gaiaxygang @moeblobmegane @telomeke @dropthedemiurge + anyone else who sees this, no pressure !! :D

#tag games #thank u for the tag lovelies <33

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bomberqueen17 · 9 months

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what fresh hell

ugh so remember that post about my thumb and cellulitis

well i finished the ten-day course of antibiotics onnnnn July 27th, I've just counted it out now.

Yesterday, August 4th, I noticed a mosquito bite on my hand was exceptionally itchy. By the afternoon I had narrowed down that it was on the same thumb where I'd had the infected cut. By evening i was starting to suspect that it was not a mosquito bite, because the other bites I'd received that day had all calmed down and this one was only itching more.

This morning, August 5th, it is distinctly swollen, with a darker red patch at the center of the almost-blister. It is radiating pain out to the main joint of my thumb and around the back of my hand. This is not a mosquito bite. There was no reinjury. This is the infection recurring at the initial site, apropos of nothing as far as I can tell.

I am deeply unimpressed with the situation. I guess I'll try Urgent Care. Of course I'm 300 miles away from my primary care physician.

Upsettingly, when I went to google maps and typed in Urgent Care, it was clearly displaying me paid results-- only facilities from one particular company showed up, including closed sites. I was thinking of a specific one, so I scrolled manually on the map to the site where I know it was, and it showed me the neighboring businesses, so I zoomed in and zoomed in and zoomed in until finally it showed me the name of the urgent care where I'd been before-- which, I might add, had a name that contained the syllables "urgent care" spelled correctly, which the company it was preferentially showing does not-- and even then the name it showed me, that I had specifically zoomed in for, was not clickable and i had to go and manually type it into the search bar.

To discover that yes, that site does open today, in about an hour. So I think I'll go there, even though they get mixed reviews and didn't do a fantastic job on my stitches when I was there in April. (According to Google. You last visited in April. You don't think my search algorithm should show me places I've visited when I search for that thing again? *cough* Could it be any more transparently not an algorithm for my benefit?) They did fine, and that's all I care about really, and also if they say "this is outside our abilities" like the urgent care in Buffalo did when i showed up with the cellulitis streaking down my arm, the nearest hospital is much closer to that one than to the place Google wants me to go.

IDK I just feel like there shouldn't be manipulation of urgent healthcare results that make you travel farther. I honestly feel like there shouldn't be paid placement in maps at all, especially not ads that unsafely disrupt your use of a thing you're meant to use while driving, but obviously I do not make laws. But really, hiding the closest urgent care, to which I've been before, from me when I searched for it is a bit much, don't you think?

Anyway I'm throwing this into the queue and if I know anything more before it posts I'll update-- oh yes, update, the urgent care PA first wanted me to try allergy meds for a possible insect bite despite how large and swollen this was, but then i took off my watch and discovered that it is streaking down my wrist again, and she believed me then that it's a recurrence of the infection. she prescribed me the kind of antibiotic that makes you allergic to the sun, but if it gets any worse I have to go to the ER to get a culture from it to find out what kind of critter it is that's definitely haunting me.

Official diagnosis: Haunted Thumb

#about the author #fresh hells

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bluedalahorse · 6 months

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Updates below the cut, as I expressed the story of yesterday in somewhat comedic terms, but I’m sure the subtext was concerning.

So yesterday I went into work under a lot of stress about the various deadlines I have to meet. I also noticed I was developing an ear infection. I get those a lot because I have tiny ear canals and sometimes with congestion from fall allergies the whole ENT system gets fucked up. As such I know what an ear infection feels like, so I figured I’d leave work early, go to the urgent care down the road, get some antibiotics, and go home to rest and meet my writing deadline.

Well, I went to the urgent care and after waiting three hours or so they were like, you have an ear infection but your blood pressure is super high, and we need to send you to the ER to lower it. (I have a family history, and with the amount of stress I’ve been under lately, I imagine genetics decided it was time to kick in.) I was freaking out at that point because I hadn’t had dinner yet, and what they were talking about sounded like… idk, how long was I gonna be in the hospital? Forever? And that shit is expensive even with insurance, so, you know.

So I asked if I could call @coruscantrhapsody to come get me. I knew I needed to go to the ER but also that I didn’t want to go, and that I would try to get out of it because I was scared and tired and yet try to make myself appear competent at all costs. I also knew she could convince me to go. So she came to me at the urgent care right away, and she brought plush Sara and plush August, and we made plans to go to the ER together.

And honestly, she got me through it like a champ. We coped through silly jokes and dark humor, and a little bit of singing of Disney songs. When the nurse took my blood sample (which came back in good shape, thankfully) she said it was totally appropriate for Halloween. Then she got me home before midnight and now is working from home today while I stay home. I’ll probably be taking tomorrow off too. I’m going to walk to the pharmacy soon to pick up the meds they prescribed me and then I’m going to come back home and not deal with logistics until the afternoon at least.

I still have some deadlines to meet, but they’re going to be shifting now and I think I can get some extensions for the stuff I need to get extended on. And I think this is the basis of a conversation with my employer about like. Idk. I woke up today 95% grateful for the people who love and care for me and who helped me out yesterday, and I’m also grateful that I lucked out with doctors and nurses that night because the medical system is honestly terrible, but 5% of me is like Fuck The Grind that got me here. You know? And I can sort of bookmark that idea and come back to it when I’m ready. Which I will do. But first, it is time to rest. I can deal with everything else after I rest. And I got home in time to listen to the old War of the Worlds radio play tonight and enjoy it, and that’s incredibly important to me.

Tl;dr I spent an evening in the emergency room last night, hooked up to machines and holding an August Horn plushie in my lap, but I’m ok now thanks to my best friend’s care and all-around amazingness.

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mandana-the-service-pup · 4 months

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Methotrexate Update

Doctor got back to me about my labs. My absolute monocytes are high but she isn’t concerned. She didn’t explain why (my best guess it’s bc my exercise has increased so drastically in such a short amount of time but idk) She says I can stay at the same dose and she doesn’t need another lab for three months. I have been doing GREAT on it. Hardly any negative side effects.

The stomach pain I’ve had every night for a year is gone.

My post-exercise chest pain that I’ve been going to cardiologist and ER for since Oct 2022 is completely gone (playing and shoveling snow 100% would have set that off)

TMI // My period has been freaking purple since Sept 2022 and I’ve been bleeding so much that the OBGYN thought I had a fibroid rupture. Well I just had my first period on Methotrexate and it’s all back to normal now and the amount was 1/3 what it has been which is a huge relief. It still hurt but I was able to eat and drink which I usually struggle with for the first few days. Maybe the pain will get better over time.

My gums don’t bleed any more when flossing. It just stopped as soon as I started methotrexate.

I’m able to eat and drink a lot more than I was which is great.

I have way more range of motion in my joints (which is making me have more problems with my hypermobility but whatev)

I still have muscle and joint pain but I honestly think most of it is bc I’ve been able to do so much more. I was taking 600 mg ibuprofen 2-3 times a day and my pain was still 7-7.5/10 and now I’m not taking any ibuprofen except maybe once every couple days and it’s a solid 6-6.5/10

Oh and I can take deeper breaths. Like I’m still having low oxygen show up on my oxymeter but for most of my life my ribs have felt like I’m wearing a corset and they can’t expand when I breath in and that has improved so much that I just walk around the house thinking “wow. I can take a breath. Wow” I’m not sure if this is due to my joints and ribs having more range of motion or if it’s connected to the hyperinflation of my lungs that showed up on the X-ray. Idk but it’s awesome and I’m making an appointment with pulmonologist again to double check lung stuff

The only con I’m currently having is the high absolute monocytes which my dr says is fine and I’ve been having really bad night sweats (actually I’m sweating a ton all the time) but I think my body is just like…recalibrating. Usually effects are really seen after a few months so I’m super excited for 2024!

Mandana’s Health Update

Surprise surprise the new vet doesn’t want to prescribe LDN/s

I get why. There are no studies on using LDN for pain in dogs (there are a few cancer studies in dogs which include LDN for pain relief and QOL but whatev) I humored her and tried to use Carprofen but Mandana doesn’t do well on pain meds and always gets an upset stomach after a couple days. This time was no different and she was miserable and vomiting so I took her off it. We discussed all of our options which I’ll list now for reference:

Decrease carprofen from 75mg twice a day to 75mg once a day // not gonna work bc the original dose wasn’t even very effective for managing her pain and I imagine if she’s already having problems with NSAIDs then taking even a small dose every day for years will hurt her.

Try a different NSAID called Meloxicam // we expect the same problem we have with carprofen

Try a different type of pain relief called Amantadine // Used along side NSAIDs (which we can’t do) so not very effective on its own and can have a side effect of urine retention which Mandana is prone to (she gets this as a “rare” side effect of both apoquel and Benadryl so I would rather not risk it, esp since Proin gave her high blood pressure and we had to discontinue it so there would be no back up if she got incontinence again)

Try the new type of pain relief that was just approved in the US called Librela // This is what we’re going to do next. She has an appointment for her first injection 1.5 weeks from now.

Consult with a Neurologist and get an MRI // After we get her back pain approved by our PetsBest insurance we will make an appointment for a neurologist consult and MRI. The two X-rays we have are 9 months apart and show a narrowing of the disc space between L4-5 but the general consensus is that it shouldn’t be causing as much pain as she is in so an MRI will give us a better idea of what’s going on and the Neurologist might have more treatment options for us.

We really want to wrap up some of these big health concerns for both of us before 🐾2025🐾👀 and we are already making a lot of progress so I’m super hopeful!

#belgian malinois #3 years #canine rehabilitation #sick dog #vetblr #service dogblr #dogblr #new medicine #methotrexate #disability blog #good health day #2024 #inflammatory polyarthritis #ehlers danlos syndrome #hashimoto thyroiditis #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #dysautonomia #gastroparesis

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ferniliciousness · 5 months

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Ok part two of Mass Effect chaos run... And things are interesting... To say the least lmao

To start out with, the council meeting actually went... Well. Esmea yelled at Saren and got a little sassy but was otherwise amicable. Stay neutral through most of it. She did not however want to recruit Garrus in any way.. she has a thing against Turians apparently 🤦(how I have no idea something is def wrong with her)

She was very nice to Udina and Anderson. Like extremely nice to them. (Ass kiss)

She met Harkin and I was honestly amazed she didn't punch him for his comment, but her niceness lasted for five seconds. As soon as he called her princess it was over lmao. She was nice to Wrex when we saw him.

After this she went to the med clinic. Biotic slammed everyone there lmao, then was an absolute bitch to dr.michel. idk why since she obviously doesn't like Garrus but what ya gonna do. When Garrus said he wanted to join the dice got vetoed and he was added to the crew. After that she was pretty nice to him, airing on neutral.

She went to pick up Wrex next and was pretty nice to him, but I don't think she knows about Krogan sarcasm lol. She decided not to take him to get Fist, didn't want to deal with him trying to kill him and what not. Managed to get everyone in the bar and scared the shit out of the warehouse workers. Impressed Garrus😏. She spared Fist simply because she didn't want to deal with him.

After this she ran off to save Tali, and when we found her they quickly became besties. I swear Tali was the person she has been the nicest too the entire time. Then they all went all the way back to the council and Esmea was mortified with the conversations Ashely and Tali were having behind her. Like... Ashley.. really... Garrus was nicer to her. Council finally saw sense and Esmea went full bitch mode over them not believing her and not taking Saren seriously. Took Spectreship like a boss lol.

After all of this she went wide mission crazy, or at least tried. Most of the time she didn't want to deal with people's problems. 🤦 (Goodbye xp)

She was convinced to help Jenna at the bar however and Chellick and her... Well let's just say they didn't get along... She did finally agree to help him but then... I honestly don't know what happened. She took the shipment and then just refused to pay him... Her excuse was that... She didn't like him.. and then proceeded to have a full blown fire fight in the market... So... That was fun..

That's the most of what happened today lmao. Other then her just being an absolutely terrible person to Ashley my god. She has not said one nice thing to her this whole time I swear.

#mass effect #mass effect chaos #mass effect dice challenge #this is chaos #literally #wtf is happening #i have one paragon point #one

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writhe · 1 year

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i have had such a good day:

relatively lowkey morning and made some ice cream for friends - green tea flavored, i owed them one for watching halliwell when i took a day trip to visit family for xmas, but i think it was the best i’ve done / most confident i’ve been making the custard base and it came out really yummy

some frustrations refilling my meds. i will probably be unmedicated for a few days if not a week or so. i don’t like that i and so many people i know are consistently unable to get their medication regardless of what it is

went to the grocery store to get ingredients for soup

on the way home decided it was too nice of a day to do any work (even if it was stuff i’m excited to do) so parked at a familiar haunt, derailed this derailment even further by deciding to fuck around at the castle instead of doing a proper walk around the lake. only meant do do this for about 30 minutes but i think i was out for almost a couple hours. had a lot of big feelings and chased a train

stopped at a 2nd store to pick up the ingredients the first store didn’t have

got home and immediately got a text confirming the plans i’d made with a friend so headed right back out. another walk in the woods. it was such a nice time, it’s someone i’ve known for years and i feel like because of covid and the context we know each other in (punk shit) we haven’t actually had a lot of one-on-one time and i feel like we’ve been teetering on that “i know you and have for a long time but not that well and conversations tend to be stilted a little” edge but it felt like that barrier finally broke and it was really nice and felt more familiar and exciting and we walked for a long time and, idk, i felt like we got to connect a lot more? also i gave them some of the ice cream to try (jury is still out)

took on a commission i’m really excited about (tour poster!)

got home and was finally going to get into cooking but a friend texted yesterday about a ride and i forgot i gave them a ‘maybe’ on but i could do it so i picked them up and by then it was dark and, idk, something pleasant in the mistly and weirdly warm air and they gave me free chicken wire and it seems like we might both be doing something together (using some shop tools at a makerspace) kind of by happenstance

got home and COOKED! also decided to make a surprise treat for a friend that i’m excited about. made this soup, which is like...i’ve wanted to try it for years and never have because i didn’t feel like i could justify buying all the ingredients but i made it and it’s so fucking good (here’s the recipe - i added smoked salt and a lot more miso paste. i was also pretty generous with the spinach and probably used extra) eating it with this really good crusty sourdough after i finish writing this

i’m going back to the boxing gym i used to go to before covid hit and i’m pretty out of practice with HIIT-type routines. i have a weight routine i sometimes do and in the summer i run and i hike all throughout the year but regardless i think i’ve lost some strength/muscle and i’m excited to regain that. also a good channel for stress. i’m REALLY sore but in an exciting way, excited to progress and feel a little more grounded in my body through exertion and it’s exciting when things stop hurting and the strength begins to feel functional. pushed myself yesterday to be chatty with people because i’m not the gym rat type and honestly had a really good experience

had a very productive day yesterday and a real big conversation last night and i feel the afterglow from olive having visited and i feel hopeful that some stagnation has cleared in a lot of different channels. it’s like, i maybe feel a little less futile? a little less desperate?

halliwell is bone tired

#long post i wanted to write it down #i do not want to forget this day

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bidisaster-peanut-romano · 1 year

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What do you think a post-meds/post-therapy (bc he obviously needs both), mentally healthy Gary would look like? Most of what we see in-game is off-meds-and-super-paranoid Gary, and it made me wonder how much of his personality is genuine and how much is borne from megalomania and paranoia. Idk - I saw your anon answers about Petey/Jimmy and I thought that you would probably have a really interesting take, so here we are!

sorry if this ask took so long to answer, anon!!

first of all thank you sm for your nice words????? promise i'll try my best <3

so, somehow i think that we mostly got a quite close picture during the initial missions of chapter 1 (maybe up until halloween???), maybe just a bit more cruel - but i still do think that he's. generally quite mean?? i think it's implied that he gets along quite decently (or at least is able to communicate) with derby harrington, and honestly that does mean something. like he's still an unhinged sixteen years old trying to have fun in high school, except this time he's actually trying to have fun instead of... what he went through during the game

i don't think he'd be any less witty than we generally see him also. he'd love cracking stupid and even mean jokes, at the expenses of others, too. and also causing someone to get at each other's throats to slip away himself and witness the shitshow- like that time that he got wade and the bullies to come at casey and they were all sent to the principal's office instead of all the cliques against jimmy and each other, for example

i keep the stance that he would have. zero emotional intelligence. like he's very smart and, although all of his interpretations of everyone's thoughts were heavily fueled by paranoia, he's still good at understanding others' tought processes. i can still see him knowing the exact remarks to make to unsettle someone, or organizing elaborate pranks just a bit less radical than taking over the school. but he'd still have a hard time coming to terms with how he can hurt other people with words, esp when it's about small things and unintentional coincidences.

(gary: "i mean, i just made a joke about handcuffs." pete: "gary, his brother was arrested yesterday, of course you hurt him." jimmy: "the question now is, do you care?" pete, who's trying desperately to make gary Think About Others' Feelings: "JIMMY. PLEASE")

also i think a healthier gary would also be tendentially introvert?? i think he'd be a bit less interested in hanging out with or even understanding kids he's not especially close to, preferring instead reading or playing videogames (he feels like a horror games player to me??? it's a nice headcanon shall i say); once he's established the relationship with someone though he might as well text them in the middle of the night to tell them a thought he's had, an idea or really just anything he might want to share

(also like. what he first thought was making him better than everyone else, superhuman and above everyone else is, now that his mania is gone feels actually a bit... lonely? like he's found out that it makes him neither worse or better than others, so him feeling on a wholly different wavelength of thought than most other kids is a bit tiring sometimes. but he learns to kind of just. vibe along with the other people of the environment???)

more in general, i figure he'd be kind of the kid in the back of the classroom, occasionally cracking jokes or throwing paper planes but generally just . getting along with the others or pulling stupid pranks to have a laugh, then going up to his best friends and being like “hey how do you think it would look if we set a drop of hand sanitizer of fire? just a drop no massive fire i promise” (idk if you ever tried but that is funny to watch actually) and hanging out in the afternoon

#this was so nice to answer!!! also tough time bc me trying to Understand How Healthy People Work #like at some point i had to FORCE MYSELF not to project. Not Knowing Social Skills is tough #and also quite alienating???? its a heavy thing to explain but. i took it and i laid it all on gary so. whattaboutit #gggggr i am super unsatisfied like i feel i said basically nothing/nonsensical and inaccurate stuff??#also nonnie im sorry it took me days to answer. its been a couple of Rough Days #gary smith #headcanons #bully #bully canis canem edit #bully cce #bully scholarship edition #bully anniversary edition #odyposts

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againstme · 4 months

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today was kind of mainly just nothing. our “case management” group was really nothing but a patient bitching, there was too much talking for me to get anything done. the next group was just us vaguely talking about self care goals for the week? that staff member talks for sooooo long but at least it makes the group go by kind of fast? super overstimulating though.

then i had trauma therapy, which was rough. i did good, like i was able to dig through what we were talking about and i was able to recount and remember more things about the situation, things that i thought that i had forgotten.

and i also was told by her that it’s very common for me to feel like there’s no point in doing the therapy, and that it’s just something i can get over by myself, and that’s just the brain’s way of trying to run away from doing the hard work because that means that i wouldn’t have to bring things up and hurt doing uncomfortable work. and that it’ll find any excuse it can to stop the work. and also, that if i could’ve just worked on this by myself without therapy, i would’ve done it by now.

after that i had lunch, where i didn’t eat anything but chips, again. and then the patient that hates me was being mean to me and talking shit about me.

oh yeah, in the group in the morning, while a staff member had stepped out of the room, he said “can you stop breathing the same air as me, chase?” just completely unprompted. there’s more things he said and did but i’m too tired to try to go into it now. i think i took a screenshot of things i said though, i’ll post them in a reblog.

so that made me very sad and too uncomfortable to want to go to group. i think i kind of have exhausted all the sources i had in my body for crying because cried so much last week. and now i’m just kind of feeling numb, or i’ll feel tears welling up in my eyes, but they aren’t able to come out. which is annoying, honestly.

and also, staff just kind of told me that gabe (the guy who hates me) is just gonna be gabe, and basically that i should just keep my distance and not engage. i’m literally only going downstairs when i have to eat, take my meds, or do my chore, and he’s still finding ways to be so mean to me during those times. especially when staff aren’t around. i’ve started recording things when he starts on his bullshit.

the groups after lunch were also kind of nothing, i barely remember them. i didn’t go to the next group because i didn’t want to be around gabe after he was so upset with me, so i stayed in the other group room. and then the next group was the loud staff member again, where we went around Again about the self care thing and only got handed out a piece of paper talking about commitments like 6 minutes before the group was over. and then in the next group, also with him, we did this thing where we all wrote a word on the whiteboard to make a sentence that sounded stupid. at least it wasn’t about israel this time, that happened last time.

and then in the last group we just watched pirates of the caribbean.

so yeah. today was kind of just nothing. i guess it’s better than it being super intense? idk. got home, watched youtube for a second, ate dinner, laid back down, went on a wikipedia rabbit hole about linguistics (very fun tbh), did my chore of cleaning the bathroom, took my meds maybe 2 hours ago, and i’m waiting on them to kick in.

hopefully tomorrow is okay

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