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takuyakistall · 4 years

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I recently re-read his Dorm SSR personal story here! A few questions and thoughts lingered inside my head as I read it and it collectively got worse when @poisonepel started questioning things too. Which ultimately led to me writing this down while running on half a brain cell and a spoonful of rice for lunch. This isn’t necessarily an analysis but more of just me questioning a lot of stuff. I already pointed out things that are already obvious so it might get repetitive. Placed under the cut since it’s a bit lengthy! I tried my best to be coherent in the very least.

Rook’s Nickname for Jade - Rook calls Jade “Monsieur Mastermind” and perhaps you’re already telling me right now that I shouldn’t look deeper into this since it doesn’t look like it matters anyway but let me tell you right now that I tend to overanalyze things when it comes to Jade. I find it a bit odd how Rook calls Jade the mastermind, presuming that we’re talking about the Octavinelle trio, when it’s often Azul that’s shown to be as such. Of course, it’s been revealed that Rook analyzes or stalks nearly everything that happens to catch his interest (Jade’s Gym Personal). So it’s safe to presume that his judgement is, if not entirely correct, accurate. “Your staple food, your habits, your walking speed, when you sleep, your heart rate, how many times you blink… those and many others I have recorded perfectly.” Just by reading this line alone I became pretty sure that he observed something deeper than that--which is his personality.

The question is, why is Jade the mastermind instead of Azul? Why is Azul’s nickname “Roi du Fort” instead of being the mastermind? Well, it might be common knowledge but Jade, in a way, controls Azul despite what it looks like to the public which is Azul controlling Jade since he, as the higher authority, has power over him. I read a popular post explaining why Jade probably undertakes the role of a servant rather than taking the position for himself knowing that he has the full capabilities to do so. This will be explained further later in a different note.

What I’m trying to imply is that behind the scenes, Azul isn’t really the mastermind behind everything despite what it seems. It’s Jade who’s really in control of things, by picking up the act of a servant or butler.

“If the entire hierarchy collapses just due to the absence of a single person, then that proves that they aren’t all as great as they seem.” - I just had the need to point this particular line out since it just seemed so… Jade. Everything about this line just screams out the same vibes he radiates, cold and severe. I know he’s faking the whole thing about having a falling out with Azul and wanting to join Pomefiore but I think it is true that without him, Octavinelle won’t nearly be as great from when he was still there.

First of all, He’s Octavinelle’s vice-dorm leader. Surely, being in such a high position, he carries a lot of duties that only he can do as the acting vice leader. There’s also the fact that he does it superbly than other people which is why Octavinelle is the way it is right now, it would be hard to replace him. They would have to look for someone who’s on par with Jade, in the very least.

Secondly, he’s somewhat an emotional pillar to Azul. Judging from their childhood and current relationship as of now, I like to think that a big reason why Azul is the way he is right now, is because of Jade and Floyd acting as his emotional support or whatever even though they insist that their relationship is purely just for business and will drop it if it’s no longer beneficiary to them. The main reason why I think that way is because of the Octavinelle CM which has a scene of Azul holding a bubble in between his hands. Inside the bubble were the twins in their eel forms. The next thing that happened--the bubble popped and disappeared, along with the tweels inside it. We could see the horror on Azul’s face when it happened in that scene and slowly led to the overblot scene which says a lot about how Azul views the twins. Have a more detailed explanation regarding their relationship here! Summary, Azul will lose his shit if Jade were to disappear. Now, where is Octavinelle in all of this? Probably a mess in the corner right there with their dorm leader not in his right state of mind. In short, Octavinelle will probably crumble under the absence of Jade. The reason why Octavinelle is still functioning under Azul’s command during this whole stunt Jade is making is precisely because Azul knew that it was all an act.

"Jade’s excellence in everything he does is renowned even among the Dorm Leaders. He might be a super secretary or something to be able to answer Azul's difficult requests." - Vil's words to Rook during their little talk about letting Jade into Pomefiore. This stuck out to me because back then I didn't really give this much thought but now that I'm re-reading this, it makes me wonder how good is Jade at his job as a Vice Dorm Leader? These words coming from Vil hold a certain weight I can't describe, for him to say that his excellence is renowned even among the Dorm Leaders and to be described as a Super Secretary.

For Jade to have earned this kind of reputation despite being in the land for only two years so far is quite a feat! I would've expected less from someone else but this is Jade we're talking about so, ignoring his terrible weakness in flying, I can assume that Jade worked hard for him to have reached this kind of performance level in such a short time. To be recognized by almost all of the Dorm Leaders isn't an easy feat.

Jade as an attendant - During his first day as Vil's attendant, Vil mentioned how off-putting he is from the fact that Jade was almost too good for someone on their first day. "You managed to get on such friendly terms with the stuffy and straight-laced people of the industry in such little time; and you were also perfect when it came to helping out with the shooting. You've worked much harder than I thought you would." His words. I think this is due to the nature of Jade's silver tongue, which is being able to speak in a way that makes other people do or believe what you want them to do or believe. It seems very fitting for a character like Jade.

Because of the recent personals that got released for Jade, namely the Birthday SSR, they talked about family there and it got me thinking quite a bit as to how Jade can speak so eloquently especially now that I've read that he managed to get on the good side of people who are probably way older than he is and straight-laced, no less. He vaguely mentioned their family background when he was telling a story from his childhood and said how different people would come over to their party and offer them presents. I'm assuming that these people are possibly older than he is, judging from the fact that one of them attempted to give the twins liquor despite them being at a young age, and I thought that maybe Jade grew up used to being surrounded by adults to the point where he picks up a lot of speech patterns and habits. Which inevitably leads to what he is right now. Nothing is confirmed yet, this is a mere thought I had.

Jade's past with Azul - It's briefly mentioned here in the story. Jade mentioned how there weren't as many mer-folk as there are humans so they were all basically put in the same class together during elementary school. Azul didn't catch his interest back then, it seems. He mentioned not being able to remember the very reason why the three of them—Jade, Floyd, and Azul—ended up together currently in Night Raven College.

I am genuinely curious as to what actually made the twins interested in someone like Azul. Correct me if I'm wrong but they did mention it in Chapter 3, right? Was it the growing interest when they finally took notice of Azul using his unique magic on basically everyone who fell into his trap? Someone tell me the details if it was ever mentioned, my memory is failing me.

“Tenebres” - The shoe brand Vil wanted to get his hands on but unfortunately did not obtain, particularly, the Mirror Shoe. "Tenebres" apparently only sells their products to people who they deem worthy for designs, even the designer themselves has yet to make a public appearance as they are shrouded in mystery. Vil didn't have enough time to acquire it but, surprise! Jade Leech has somehow managed to get his perfect hands on the pair of red shoes Vil wanted so much. Frankly enough, Vil was impressed he managed to obtain something he could not—alone, no less.

This is just me pondering but this particular line made me wonder, "Heh, they did some at the cost of a bit of trouble. No matter, how about you try these on instead of dwelling on the matter?", to what lengths did he actually have to go through to obtain just a pair of shoes? Or rather, what connections does he have to be able to obtain this so easily and brush it off with a mere, "cost of a bit of trouble" when clearly Vil already expressed the difficulty in obtaining these?

Another note I have to make but not completely sure if it's relevant is his family. As I've said before, they mentioned that they deal with a lot of people due to the nature of their business and that made me wonder if the designer/owner of this certain shoe brand is one of them? Perhaps Jade was able to easily contact them because of connections his family has although Floyd's wish in the event Stars & Wishes contradicts this possibility.

In Floyd's wish, he mentioned wanting a pair of shoes and Idia immediately asked him why he couldn't just buy them. Floyd answered with a simple, "I can't usually get them." Because of the price. Which, again, contradicts my theory about the Leech family being connected to the shoe brand. Although! Vil did mention how the shoe brand only sells it to people they deem worthy. Perhaps, Floyd isn't…? No—it still wouldn't explain how easily Jade got the shoes and had the brand get Vil a job there as an ambassador. Surely, that isn't due to just any normal connections anymore. Definitely shady, I want to know more.

Jade is in control - As I've said earlier, Jade is somewhat in control despite playing the role of a servant. Prime example is when Vil told him his throat was parched, Jade immediately acted upon it fully knowing what his original intentions were. He gave Vil a drink that the Mostro Lounge was apparently serving without having Vil question it further and even went as far as to let Jade take a picture and post it—even he decided the caption for the post! With a simple flow of events just like that, Jade has managed to manipulate Vil without him knowing. He did it all while taking in the role of a servant and that in itself says a lot about how he does things

I think it's worth it to take note of the fact that Jade does not like bringing attention to himself and merely brushes it off as mere shyness of some sorts when really, all he wants to do is lay low and draw as little attention to himself. It makes his job easier that way—perhaps that's the reason why he lets Azul take the spotlight all the damn time.

Another thing to take note of is something I saw from a post in Tumblr which basically sums up the whole reason why Jade is always adopting the butler persona wherever he goes. It's because he likes to be in control that way—you'd let down your guard around him and let him serve you. You want a drink? He'll serve you a drink but-! He is in control over what you will get. That's exactly what happened in this exact scene, Vil waltzed right into the center of Jade's palms.

Vil never noticed - I'm not saying Vil is dumb, because he is most definitely not. Although through the very end, I don't know if it's just because Vil got carried away with the feeling of achievement taking over him due to recent events but he did just brush away the reason why Jade was in Pomefiore in the first place and let him go away peacefully, "So long as he doesn't bare his fangs at us." In other words, Jade managed to outsmart Vil and possibly, Rook.

This is probably one of the reasons why I am confident enough to say that Jade truly is one of the most cunning bitches in the entire game because this whole ordeal just pretty much proved it.

Aftermath - There we go! We got an explanation about how Jade managed to manipulate and use Vil for his own gains err, in this context, probably Azul's. When Jade took a picture of Vil with the drink and posted it, he did it with the intention of taking advantage of Vil's popularity and viewer reach. Jade expressed his thankfulness when he mentioned how Vil saw him as "useful" perhaps his reputation prior helped him reach his goal?

Azul praised Jade with something along the lines of "As expected of you, Jade. You're the best Night Raven's College has to offer when it comes to sneaking into another's pockets after all." Which really just backs up some of the statements I made earlier about how Jade manipulates people by letting people let their guard down around him while thinking they're the ones who have power over Jade when clearly it's not as simple as it seems. Azul mentioning that only Jade could pull off something like this just puts me off for some reason but I'll leave it be for the time being.

After that, Jade and Azul had a conversation that started with Azul asking him if he had any difficulties during his stay in Pomefiore and if he had any troubles keeping up with Vil. Jade, jokingly(?), responded that it was nothing compared to Azul's demands and orders and his time at Pomefiore was actually a vacation of some sorts for him. Which really makes me wonder what jobs does Azul usually give him if this one was somewhat of a break for Jade? A task that seemed impossible to Floyd, Jade said it was a vacation. It's a bit frightening but I guess that's his charm? Hard-working is one way to put it.

That's the end of my Dorm SSR mini-analysis, I guess! Thank you for sticking with me till the end even though a lot of these might be repetitive. I'll probably add more depending on future brainrot but for now, this is fine. Feel free to tell me what you think about this!

#twst #twisted wonderland #jade #twst jade #jade leech #twisted wonderland jade #vil schoenheight #i mean #he appears in the story #twst theory #not really a theory but eh. . ..

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iamanartichoke · 3 years

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I completely agree with your post about Tom. People’s entitlement over their favourite celebrities goes to far. And tbh I really hate when fans act like they know for sure how he feels and what he’s thinking based on very ambiguous “evidence”. This is usually done so people can align Tom’s views with their own which requires most of the time someone else to be villanised. What I mean is that fans have no actual proof that the writers, producers and director of Loki are bad people and that Tom is unhappy with the directions the show took. There is usually nothing to be inferred about who these people are beyond their merits as professionals. But fans present their assumptions as facts anyway and that has evolved into actual harassment of the production team. All the while piggybacking on this idea that Tom thinks exactly what like them. And I am saying this as someone who hated TR and thinks Loki was deliberately made weaker/less important so Thor could shine more. And someone who hates pretty much all of Mike Waldron’s previous work on Rick and Morty. But is still feels very presumptuous to act like these people deliberate compromised the their own work because they hate Loki and his fans. And that they are filled with every prejudice know to man. And it’s also very demeaning to victimise Tom in the process. Of course some of the people involved suck but most of the time these assumptions have no basis whatsoever. And there is also an over-identification going on between some fans and Tom which isn’t healthy for anybody.

Sorry it took me several days to get to this, anon. It took me a minute to get my thoughts in order. But in a nutshell, yeah, I agree with a lot of the things you pointed out here - especially with fans acting like they know for a fact what he's thinking or feeling.

Under the cut for length and a bit of wank and disagreement w/ the "Marvel hates Loki" discourse so please skip if you don't want to see it.

A lot of the Loki series wank is rooted in whether or not Tom actually likes the series and significantly contributed to it, or if he's just saying what he has to say for publicity and his ideas and contributions were largely ignored. None of us will ever know for sure, bc none of us are Tom and none of us were directly involved in the series, so it's moot speculation, really. But it seems to basically come down to people trying to reconcile their feelings about the show with their feelings about Tom.

I don't necessarily think there's anything wrong with believing that Tom's hands were tied to an extent and/or he just says things that he has to for promotion, but I also don't think that it should be treated as fact and then used as, like, ammunition against other people working on the show. I personally have not seen anyone I know or am friendly with taking their complaints to the level of harassment of actual people irl (that seems to be more of a twitter thing, as far as I can tell, and imo comes from an entirely different place than just hating the show [I think there's an inherent meanness in people whose instincts are to harass and bully bc they want to actively make others feel like shit]) but I do see it posted as fact, time and time again, that the showrunners had a personal vendetta against Loki and were intent on making the series as bad as possible, and that Tom was helpless to do anything about it.

Which I get, in a way, bc I personally believe that the Russos had, if not a vendetta, an active dislike of Loki and a vested interest in getting him "out of the way" in a manner that would make him look pathetic in IW - but, I certainly can't say that's the case for sure, and I also think it's a little different bc Tom's contractual obligations for his film appearances were likely very different than what he (and/or his people) negotiated for the show.

That's neither here nor there but my point is, I can understand where the theories come from but I just don't think that's the case here, and seeing it so often makes me feel kinda uncomfortable (for a lot of reasons but also) bc, imo, it undermines Tom's autonomy for fans to act as if he's little more than a puppet on a string, just saying whatever he has to say to please the powers that be. Like, yes, there are legally binding contracts that probably limit how candid he can be, and we all know that he sugarcoats things and never says anything bad about anyone, which can make him seem like a bit of an "unreliable narrator" when he gushes about the show -

- but, he's also a big name celeb (I mean, the studio has always banked on his name being attached to the project bc he's the one who would draw in the most viewers). He's got clout (is that the right word?) to back him up - they wanted him, specifically, to play Loki in this series. Without Tom, there's no show. So why would they want to alienate him, silence him, or dismiss him when he comes to the table and says "here are my ideas"?

My point is, it's unfair and, yes, demeaning to act as if Tom is this voiceless, powerless victim who has no choice but to act in a series he hated that was purposefully trying to destroy his character, and then to turn around and mindlessly sing its praises while promoting it.

I think that the truth is somewhere in the middle - Tom's creative control was likely limited bc he wasn't the director and wasn't the showrunner or head writer, and no one person is ever completely in control when it comes to the end result that we, the audience, end up seeing on the screen anyway. He may not have been entirely happy with every writing or directing choice that was made. But it's also very unlikely that he had no say at all or that any input he had was dismissed (or 95% of it, as it were); again, the series is banking on his name being the draw and he has the advantage of being an authority on Loki while also being intelligent and eloquent enough to convey his perspective on the character. I think that the real issue is that Tom's current perspective and/or interpretation of Loki no longer aligns with his interpretation of OG Loki from 2011-13. Which is, admittedly, a very hard pill to swallow.

Anyway, this may have veered off in another direction and idek if you wanted this answered or to have a conversation or maybe you were just venting - but, here we are.

To make it less about Loki specifically and more about Tom in general, though, yeah, ultimately I just wish his fans wouldn't feel so entitled toward him and his opinions, or his career choices, or his love life, or his clothes. I was browsing one of the Tom ask blogs (or maybe it was a Zawe one, I don't remember now) the other day and I find it really creepy, for lack of a better word, at how invested people are in Tom's, like, day-to-day whereabouts. Someone saw him at a restaurant in NYC - I wonder if he's still there today? Where's he staying? Is he there as a tourist or for work reasons? Who could he be meeting with in New York? A producer? Another play? Will he host SNL? Is Zawe still with him or did she go back to London? etc etc like, it really goes back to my original point in my original post which is, basically, who caaaaaaaares, why are you investing so much of your day trying to figure out what Tom is doing with his?

Now I'm just venting, but yeah ... shit's weird.

#asks #a nonny mouse #charlotte replies #tom hiddleston is my favorite unicorn #disclaimer - i know a lot of my mutuals feel this way about tom and my disagreement with those takes is not meant as a personal attack #but again if my opinions hurt your feelings or make you feel like you can't trust me #please just unfollow so i don't have to keep feeling the need to apologize all over the place #for shit i post on my own blog #long post

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sailor-muno · 3 years

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Hi and welcome to my new series called: Mixing D&D with the Black Clover Universe

In this series I will be taking elements, mechanics, and other random things that I like from D&D and figure out how these things could work/be implemented into the Black Clover world. With that being said please add on your own thoughts and ideas to this topic because I want more stuff to think about. Also do not be afraid to suggest a D&D concept to me because it’s all valid here. With that being said let’s get started!

The topic: Classes - The Bard

“Words and music are not just vibrations of air, but vocalizations with power all their own....They say that the multiverse was spoken into existence, that the words of the gods gave it shape, and that echoes of these primordial Words of Creation still resound throughout the cosmos.” - D&D Players Handbook

Section 1: What is a bard?

Typically, we think of bards as magical musicians, but that’s only a narrow wedge of what a bard can be. Bards are experts, performers, and craftsmen, worldly travelers who can win the day with a smile and a careful selection of words where bladed steel cannot. Their spells lean toward charms and illusions rather than blatantly destructive spells. With a wide-range of knowledge in many subjects and a natural aptitude that lets them do almost anything well, Bards become masters of the talents they set their minds to perfecting, from musical performance to esoteric knowledge.

However, not every minstrel singing in a tavern or jester cavorting in a royal court is a bard. Discovering the magic hidden in music requires hard study and some measure of natural talent that most troubadours and jongleurs lack. It can be hard to spot the difference between these performers and true bards, though. A bard's life is spent wandering across the land gathering lore, telling stories, and living on the gratitude of audiences, much like any other entertainer. But a depth of knowledge, a level of musical skill, and a touch of magic set bards apart from their fellows.

Only rarely do bards settle in one place for long, and their natural desire to travel—to find new tales to tell, new skills to learn, and new discoveries beyond the horizon—makes an adventuring career a natural calling. Every adventure is an opportunity to learn, practice a variety of skills, enter long-forgotten tombs, discover lost works of magic, decipher old tomes, travel to strange places, or encounter exotic creatures. Bards love to accompany heroes to witness their deeds firsthand. A bard who can tell an awe-inspiring story from personal experience earns renown among other bards. Indeed, after telling so many stories about heroes accomplishing mighty deeds, many bards take these themes to heart and assume heroic roles themselves.

Cassiea - OlchaS

The Bard class takes inspiration from the Norse skald, the warrior-poets and historians of Scandinavia; the Celtic bard, honored storytellers who reportedly followed heroes into battle to retell their deeds and also acted as neutral diplomats; and the southern European minstrel, musicians who entertained royalty.

In medieval Ireland, the bard was a highly respected profession of poets, storytellers and historians. Bards trained for many years, and held the important role of learning and retelling history in memorable poetic form, in a time before reading and writing were commonplace. By some reports, the bards held the highest social caste in society, and it was taboo to refuse them any request; one even asked for the king's brooch, who was forced to comply, though the brooch was later returned.

When it comes to Bards in Black Clover I would see them as pretty much the same thing. Historians who have a passion for stories and knowledge. They’re the documenters of all knowledge that isn’t related to spellcasting (think grimoires, making magic items, anything Julius would be interested in, etc.). This means that they are in charge of taking care of documenting things like the history of the kingdom, popular folktales and songs, news articles and basically anything else that one would consider to be a historical resource. They are the lore keepers of the kingdom and as such they often have a large presence all about the Clover Kingdom and can be found in all social class districts.

“Anybody can make history. Only a great man can write it.” - Oscar Wilde

Section 2: Magic and the Bard’s College

When it comes to black clover and it’s magic system, we all know that the only way to cast spells of significant power is with a grimoire. This will never change and I will not change it within the context of adding classes to the world. However, with that being said I still believe that while we can’t change the core foundation of how a spell is learned and stored, we can change what the caster uses their magic for. When we think about classes in this context all of a sudden we no longer see them as a different way of casting magic but instead we see it more like a school. How we use our magic in this world is dependent upon our education, like fine-tuning a weapon a class takes your sword and sharpens it m into a fine point.

To go along those lines I now must address The issue of bards only being able to cast their magic with music. In the world of black clover instead believe that bards can cast magic in any way they see fit, as long as they are using their magic in an artistic way. This could be painting, cooking, singing, dancing, or any other artistic medium. when we put the class under these definitions there are actually quite a few characters in the show that could be considered Bards. Some of these characters include but are not limited to:

Kahono

Kiato

Puli Angel

Rill Boismortier

Marx Francois

Charmy Pappitson

Vanessa Enoteca

Kirsche Vermillion

Catherine

Samantha Kravitz

Elvira Aguirre

Damnatio Kira

David Swallow

Langris Vaude

Dorothy Unsworth

Dominante Code

these are just a few of the characters that I believe are bards. something interesting to know about this list though is that a lot of the characters on this list or female, more specifically they’re witches. well I cannot give a solid explanation for why this is I can give my own theory on it.

Witches have an innate ability forecasting artistic spells. Based off of what we’ve seen from most of the witches in the show a lot of their magic is based around the idea of Creation or illusion magic. With Elvira and Samantha both having a form of illusion magic that manipulates sound and sight. I like to think of their magic being like the Minor Illusion spell in D&D. Vanessa having threat magic and using it to make dolls and sew clothes is another bard like trait that helps fit this theory.

When it comes to bards in this world and their magic we often find that their magic in it of itself is very showy and performance like. While any magic can be interesting to see some mages are just gifted or taught how to use their magic in a way that is particularly showy or dramatic. For those who are not gifted with artistic magic, and struggle to teach themselves how to use their magic in a creative way there has to be a place where they can go to learn how. This is why we have the Bard’s College.

“What sculpture is to a block of marble, education is to the soul” - Joseph Addison

Section 3: The Bard’s College

The way of the bard is a gregarious one. Collecting songs and stories and sharing them with each other in an effort to spread knowledge. It is for this reason that the bards college was made, it is a place for bards to come together and share their finding and store them somewhere they can be taught to future generations. It also serves as a place of learning, teaching its students various mediums of art along with how to properly preserve and document history and record the world around them. While they may not be magical scholars, they certainly are the clover kingdoms finest anthropologists and non-magical historians to date. The college is also home to the biggest Historical Archives in the Clover Kingdom. These archives are treated very much like the Vatican Library and will be explored in the next section.

Now in D&D there are 8 different colleges a bard can attend (including the new Unearthed Arcana college because it’s cool): The College of Creation, The College of Eloquence, The College of Glamour, The College of Lore, The Collage of Spirits (UA), The College of Swords, The College of Valor, and The College of Whispers. Rather than putting all 7 college into the Black Clover Universe I have decided to take these 8 colleges and merge them together to make one college with 8 different “degree plans” one can take. This section will provide you with a generalized overviewed of each of the eight schools. If you wish to look more in depth at either of the colleges from a more mechanical viewpoint rather than a lore point I have provided links to each of the different colleges above.

Bard of Creation

Bards believe the cosmos is a work of art - the creation of the first dragons and gods. That creative work included harmonies that continue to resound through existence today, a power known as the Song of Creation. The Bards of Creation draw on that primeval song through their art as they try to spread the Song of Creation and its meaning to all life on the planet. Usually Bards in this Path either have a love for their art or an already artistic magic such as voice or painting magic. This path is one of the most difficult routes for a non-artistic mage to take on, but it isn’t impossible.

While studying under this practice most mages learn how to take non-magical items and infuse them with Mana to serve as a arcane focus for their spells. Taking their magic and concentrating it into a fine point that is easier to control and direct (think like Noelle and her wand.) along with this the Bards of Creation also put a heavy focus on Creation spells, helping their casters hone and fine tune their spells to perfection. Most Bards of Creation go on to either work in the noble realm as scribes for the nobility or become performers in small towns, collecting villagers stories and immortalizing them through their craft.

Some Characters that I believe are Bards of Craation would be:

Rill Boismortier

Dominante Code

Telian Springbreeze - College of Creation

Bard of Eloquence

Bards of Eloquence master the art of oratory. Persuasion is regarded as a high art, and a well-reasoned, well-spoken argument often proves more persuasive than facts. These bards wield a blend of logic and theatrical wordplay, winning over skeptics and detractors with logical arguments and plucking at heartstrings to appeal to the emotions of audiences.

Bards of the Spoken word most people in this group tend to be Debaters. Always looking to be the winner of an argument these bards are almost unparalleled when it comes to knowing what to say and when. Spending their time studying vocabulary and reading they learn to retain lots of memory and also learn how to regurgitate it properly for any situation. Most bards of this type often go on to become politicians or work for the Magic Parliament as a lawmaker and negotiator. They also end up becoming Royal Advisors in order to help with lawmaking.

Some Characters that I believe are Bards of Eloquence are:

Damnatio Kira

Marx Francois

Valorant Rose - College of Eloquence

Bard of Glamour

The Bards of Glamour are regarded with a mixture of awe and fear. Their performances are the stuff of legend. These bards are so eloquent that a speech or dance that one of them performs can cause captors to release the bard unharmed and can lull a furious dragon into complacency. The same magic that allows them to quell beasts can also bend minds. Bards of this college instead use this power to gladden the downtrodden and undermine oppressors. The can also use their magic to inspire their allies and keep them going through the worst of times.

Often times bards in this school are taught how to use their magic to captivate people and serve as support characters in a battle. Being able to draw on their mana as a source to take their art and use it as a method of passing their spell buffs to their allies these bards often times are found as support roles in their communities. A majority of them finish their training and then apply to join the magic knights, they’re often highly sought after to serve as combat support and occasionally as healers (though this is less common) .

Some Characters that I believe are Bards of Glamour are:

Kirsche Vermillion

Charmy Pappitson

Antigone LaRue - College of Glamour

Bard of Lore

Bards of Lore know something about most things, collecting bits of knowledge from sources as diverse as scholarly tomes and peasant tales. Whether singing folk ballads in taverns or collecting the stories of people at the old folks home, these bards use their gifts to hold audiences spellbound. When the applause dies down, the audience members might find themselves questioning everything they held to be true, from their faith in the priesthood of the local temple to their loyalty to the king.

The loyalty of these bards lies in the pursuit of beauty and truth, not in fealty to a monarch or following the tenets of a deity. The Bards of Lore are the protectors of the archives, serving as it’s curators and guardians. As this is such, a majority of the Bards of Lore prefer to stay with the archives and study rather than leave out for adventure. However some bards do go out and these aren’t the ones that spend their time looking for stories to add to the vast collection of tales in the archive already.

Some characters that I believe to be Bards of Lore are:

Samantha Kravitz

Elvira Aguirre

Bonezo the Undead - College of Lore

Bard of Spirits

Stories of the past are powerful; they hold lessons of history, philosophy, and magic. Bards of Spirits seek the stories of those from beyond the material plane. Using seances and rituals, they reach out to hear their stories, but the bards have no control over what story they find. These bards are closely tied to otherworldly powers often being able to tap into the astral plane (dream dimension) and the threads of fate themselves. Some speak to the dead while others become oracles and masters of fate.

Bards in this school often end up training themselves to use their magic see into the other planes of reality. All bards in this college need to have a gift for the sight in order to join because their magic needs to be tied to the planes. Here they learn how to use their magic safely and correctly so as to avoid any dangers that come from speaking with things outside of the material plane. Most of these bards go on to become oracles or fates. Traveling the countryside easing the pain of lost souls and misguided individuals.

Some characters that I believe to be Bards of Spirits are:

Dorothy Unsworth

Vanessa Enoteca

Tristan - College of Spirits

Bard of Swords

Bards of Swords are called blades, and they entertain through daring feats of weapon prowess. Their talent with weapons inspires many blades to lead double lives. One blade might use a circus troupe as cover for nefarious deeds such as assassination, robbery, and blackmail. Other blades strike at the wicked, bringing justice to bear against the cruel and powerful.

Blades who abandon their lives as entertainers have often run into trouble that makes maintaining their secret activities impossible. A blade caught engaging in vigilante justice is too great a liability for most troupes. With their weapon skills and magic, these blades either take up work as performers or will join the magic knights in order to take their two lives and finally merge them together. Seen as skilled combatants and magic users these bards are not a force to be reckoned with.

Some characters that I believe to be Bards of Swords are:

Kiato

David Swallow

Sierra - College of Swords

Bard of Valor

Bards of Valor are daring skalds whose tales keep alive the memory of the great heroes of the past, and thereby inspire a new generation of heroes. These bards gather in mead halls or around great bonfires to sing the deeds of the mighty, both past and present. They travel the land to witness great events firsthand and to ensure that the memory of those events doesn't pass from the world. With their songs, they inspire others to reach the same heights of accomplishment as the heroes of old.

These bards are taught the stories of dead heroes and in turn a lot of them end up going on to write music about them or use their stories as inspiration for their magic. Often using their knowledge to help inspire their friends in combat and bring hope in bleak battlefields. A majority of the Bards of Valor go on to join the magic knights in hopes of finding their own hero to write and tell stories about. Seeing this as their shot at becoming Chaucer or Geoffrey of the world (Chaucer wrote A Knights Tale and Geoffrey wrote the stories of King Arthur)

Some characters that I believe to be Bards of Valor are:

Kahono

Puli Angel

Hype - College of Valor

Bard of Whispers

Most folk are happy to welcome a bard into their midst. Bards of Whispers use this to their advantage. They appear to be like any other bard, sharing news, singing songs, and telling tales to the audiences they gather. In truth, the College of Whispers teaches its students that they are wolves among sheep. These bards use their knowledge and magic to uncover secrets and turn them against others through extortion and threats in order to seek out justice.

Many other bards hate the Bards of Whispers, viewing it as a parasite that uses the bards’ reputation to acquire wealth and power. For this reason, these bards rarely reveal their true nature unless they must. They typically claim to follow some other school, or keep their true nature secret in order to better infiltrate and exploit royal courts and other settings of power. However they can also use their powers for good, often times bards of this school can use their power to help bring justice and equality to a flawed system or to bring justice to those the law cannot touch.

Some characters that I believe to be Bards of Whisper are:

Catherine

Langris Vaude

Ichiro - College of Whispers

“Stories have to be told or they die, and when they die, we can’t remember who we are or why we’re here.” - Sue Monk Kidd

Section 4: The Archives

Miles upon Miles of shelves full of nothing but books and thousands of feet dedicated to this one library located deep below the college. Centuries worth of national history folklore legends no one‘s heard hundreds of years live buried beneath the dirt and cobwebs of this dank and mystic labyrinth of books. These are in the royal Archives. most people don’t even know this place exist however, the bards and nobles of the kingdom are very aware of its existence... and of it’s secrecy.

Now you may be thinking “Hey this sounds just like the Vatican library“ but unlike the Vatican library, the archives are open to anyone wishing to seek knowledge. The only reason a lot of people don’t know about it is because no one really cares to ask. If we’re being real here, a majority of the books in that archive are really just diaries written by old people that are really hard to read because they’re either in a different language or they just have poor spelling because people back then were illiterate. However some of the stuff within the walls of the archive it’s rather interesting. Ancient maps leading to long-lost treasures, legends that have faded and been forgotten with time, stories of war love and loss.

It is within these walls that we find that only the country‘s history but it’s very soul. We find the story of our people hidden deep within these tombs of books. Well it is very rare for somebody that isn’t a barred to visit the archives if one is really out seeking knowledge the archive is open to them. I would like to believe that Gauche and Gordon have both visited the library at least once right after the seabed temple arc.

The grounds of the archives are guarded heavily by the bards of the college. Not only are they guarded but they are also highly protective of the knowledge there. One of the worst things that could possibly happen is the destruction of the archives. It would be on the same level as the burning of the library of Alexandria. It is for this reason that anyone wishing to enter the archives must first pass a test of character. If you are perceived as a threat you will be turned away from the archives but not banned, nobody should ever be denied access to knowledge.

“A society that has no respect, no regard for its bards, its historians, its storytellers, is a society in steep decline, a society that has lost its very soul and my never find its way.” - Laurence Overmire

Section 5: Conclusion

I’ll keep this section short and sweet because it’s been a long read and I just wanna give my thoughts. Honestly I thought that Rill and Kahono had such a unique style of magic that it almost felt like a crime to give us a taste of bard magic without making it something that was common. Plus I felt the clover kingdom needed historians to archive their history so I felt that this was a fun thing to put together to solve both problems!! I hope you enjoyed it! Please feel free to add your own thoughts and contributions to this post because I really wanna hear them!

#black clover #bard #seriously tho this was so much fun to write I’m sorry it’s so long I couldn’t help myself #I think I wanna go into monks next time #I was originally gonna say grey was a bard but she doesn’t have the charisma to do it. she’s more of a Druid anyways

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mochuelovelli · 3 years

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Lilith for the character ask?

Oh boy, a controversial character! Gotta say, I stan James Charles /J

How do I feel about this character?:

On a real note, I do like Lilith as a character. When we first meet her, she's pompous and proud. Oozing with entitlement, she's easy to route against and you like to see her get worked up and "brought down" to Eda's level as the wild which so eloquently put it. Later on, but not too much later that it feels disingenuous, we really get to see her show that she cares for her sister. One might believe it is *Eda* being ridiculous, as far as the audience is aware, Lilith's offer holds little downsides. Eda would be cured and be afforded the luxuries of the upper class AND keep her magic. All she had to do was be the Emperor's soldier.

As to not get off track by talking about Eda, (im sure Lilith herself would loathe that lol) Lilith's reveal to have cursed her sister over a spot in the emperor's coven was...controversial to say the least. I don't think it's unpopular to voice that, yeah. It could've been communicated better to the audience since I saw plenty of commentators and regular fans themselves either thought Lilith cursing her sister was *needlessly* petty and not at all thought out (which yeah it kinda was).

From where I stand on that issue is, yeah, Lilith's whole reason to curse her sister could've been avoided by just talking to her sister and asking her to let her have this. BUT, I think a lot of people forget that the Emperor's coven would want to limit the number of powerful witches in their coven. Sure, Belos would want to be protected by a bunch of loyal soldiers, but he wouldn't want too much of the population to ever have a much power as him. So limiting the number of members in not just his coven but possible in the other major covens, would aid in controlling that population.

This might be pure hogwash but like, there are a ton of other "lesser" covens. So in my mind, it's more likely that the general population of witches gets sorted into one of the various miscellaneous. If you think limiting yourself to only practicing Illusion magic sucks, imagine only practicing whatever the fuck the "swag coven" does.

Lol gonna add a page break this shit is getting too long

Romantic Ships for this character?:

Hm, it's only s1 and we haven't seen her interact w/ many characters outside of her fam/Belos/actual children. I kinda jokingly ship here with Steve lol. Kikimora and her also have a funny dynamic but in all actuality, I don't ship her w/ anyone rn.

Non-Romantic Ships for this character?:

Her and Hooty lol. I mean Eda is an obvious answer but like, Hooty fucking with Lilith is too funny to not want to see. Her and King would be great too, probably get some good B plots out of it. It would be a good contrast since they both can be petty but in different ways and I think that would help flesh out their characters a bit more and maybe cause some introspection (at least on Lilith’s end lol)

Unpopular opinion about this character?:

Lol. I feel like she is such a divisive character in general that most opinions about her aren’t too out of the main stream. I guess a more meta take is that when she’s portrayed in fanworks, usually fanfic but not exclusively, very...one note lol. She’s usually a pretty flat, boring character in an attempt to highlight the contrast between her and Eda. She’s the straight-laced, “responsible” sibling who has a chip on her shoulder. In fanon, that equates to her characterization to either be like, completely and utterly apologetic to the point where it becomes unbelievable for any person to do. Her apologizing or making amends is usually quickly forgiven by Luz/and or Eda. Sure, Luz is very forgiving person naturally but like?? She’s wasn’t mad in canon too much about THEIR well being (almost getting impaled), she was specifically pissed about Lilith betraying Eda.

So, if Lilith is a big part of your story (and it’s working in the realm of canon), then this should be a problem which doesn’t get resolved by just ONE big action. I also feel like her being on better terms with Eda would come BEFORE Luz since Eda’s main gripe with her would be about her being annoyed by Lilith’s controlling nature and the fact that she didn’t trust her enough to talk about her feelings back when she was first cursed (also her using Luz against her but I feel like that would probably be a hurdle that wouldn’t really be over come until Lilith in turn would be willing to sacrifice herself for Luz while also making an effort to care for Luz as a person not just see her as a “pet”). Hhhh this section is so long and its kinda bleeding over in the next question so-

Something I wish will happen or would have wanted to happen in canon?:

yall if you are still reading I am so sorry sksk

I want Lilith in general, not to be forgiven by either Luz or Eda. Eda probably early on stating about how she is unsure if she could EVER forgive her sister for what she has done. BUT, critically, Eda would see that Lilith is trying and she is willing to work with her (with a unhelpful dose of teasing) because at the end of the day she still loves her sister. For the relationship they had before everything with south, for knowing her side of the story even though she believes it doesn’t justify her actions. She understands and sympathizes, she’s grown a bit softer thanks to Luz, which is very funny since I want Luz to be the one who is the hardest to convince Lilith actually had a change of heart but more on that later.

Before I move on to what I want her path towards forgiveness with Luz looks like, I want to bring up a parallel that I haven’t seen many people make. Fans always talk about the parallel between the Clawthornes and Luz/Amity, and rightly so because there is a lot to extrapolate there, but I think another interesting dynamic that might be interesting to see in s2 would be an episode that focuses on lost friendship/sisterhood with the Clawthornes and Amity and Willow. It’s kinda funny that Amity and Willow’s friendship was ruined because Willow was too “weak” while Eda was too “powerful”. In a potential episode, it can show the progression both Eda/Lilith and Willow/Amity are making in rekindling their relationship with each other. For Eda and Lilith this would be a lot more rough around the edges since it both be either the first or one of the first attempts at doing so while Willow/Amity would maybe be further along yet still have some major/minor hang ups with one another. With Willow/Amity, their relationship would either be rounding the bend of fully moving past the “idk how to feel about you stage” or it is stated outright that Willow forgives Amity, (and by forgive, I mean in the “we both know what you did, you’ve actually changed. we won’t have the same relationship that we once had but I’m okay with trying again”). In contrast, Lilith and Eda would reach a understanding and come up with some ground rules on how to handle each other (Eda’s main take away from this “episode” would be what I previously stated in the last question), ones that will be more like guidelines cuz its Eda lol. Also what separates the Clawthornes conflict from the Willow/Amity one (besides the obvious) is that the Clawthornes both know how the other works. Which buttons to push and all that so both of them are going to have to learn to resist doing that, at least a bit, in order to actually progress.

ANYWAYS, I also want Luz to be the one to regard Lilith the coldest. Luz refusing to let Lilith teach her anything despite probably having more practical/book smarts knowledge on magic theory than Eda because she doesn’t trust her. If they are gonna use that masked dude as a spy, I want Luz to assume Lilith is somehow a coconspirator. This plot thread doesn’t have to be going at 100% the whole time, (in fact I would want it to be a temp thing maybe lasting a couple eps at most or like, just something that is hinted at but not dived deeply until the second half of the season). Really, Lilith has a hard time because Luz straight up doesn’t give her the opportunity to really express her regret/remorse. Lilith probably won’t at first give her a ton of reasons to forgive her as she usually attempts at coming back at Luz’s snide remarks with her own quippy comebacks. Sksk a really angsty end to an attempt could include Lilith saying something to Luz after going on a small talk with her (where yeah Lilith has improved but still needs noticeable work) that she “reminds her a lot of Eda” and Luz bites back with something like “Oh yeah? You going to curse me too? You want another person you can force to do what YOU want?”.

Hell maybe “parental problems” could have Lilith poke at, either on purpose or accidentally, Luz’s feelings about going back to the human world and Camila. Lilith reminding her, maybe unknowingly, reminds her a lot of her mom and that causes her to blow up on her. Luz would hate that comparison, thinking about how similar her mom and Lilith are to one another. That because she still has such a strong dislike of Lilith, it bleeds over into how Luz views Camila and vice versa. In that, both Camila and Lilith value respect, an adherence to the rules, have a great sense of wisdom (arguably for Lilith lol /hj), and (eventually for Lilith once she gets to know Luz better) a genuine want for Luz to succeed and belief in her even though they are critical of her actions at times. Sure Eda reminds her of that more, motherly protective kind of love, in which she would do anything for her to be happy and healthy. Lilith can be the other side of that, the worry and slight doubt. That familiar way they each go about trying to understand and get close to Luz yet not quite getting it yet would still do whatever she’d ask for her sake. Luz at first would take Lilith being disappointed in her actions as an accomplishment. As they grow closer and the more Lilith reminds her of her mom, it becomes scary. The disappointment hurts and in an effort not to feel like that again and to not want to think about the comparison between Lilith and her mother she will snap back at her. Eventually Lilith would then have to change again and reassure her that she cares and by extent, her mother cares to. It is here Lilith is willing to let go of being so constantly controlling and learns to encourage first (or do some form of the compliment sandwich) and Luz comes to peace with her feelings about her mother and understands her position better. To be able to love herself even if she knows that she will always try to do her best.

oh my fucking god you made it im so sorry i guess i had a lot of thoughts. fffffff

#TOH #lilith clawthorne #the owl house #character ask meme #luz noceda #edalyn clawthorne #yall im so sorry #this is very fanficy an long rip #if you read all this you are a champ but also no i cant cover your insurance lol

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autumnblogs · 3 years

Text

Day 9: Troll Time

Time to get trolled.

https://homestuck.com/story/1527

This is the first of the events that I’ve noticed enough to talk about in Homestuck that alludes to the Alpha Kids. While Roxy on the other side of the scratch is the one actually responsible for the disappearance of Jaspers and the Pumpkins, at this point in the story, we have some pretty good suspects for exactly who disappeared both of them.

I could see myself guessing that Jade’s penpal is one of the trolls, but it wouldn’t be my first guess. I’m going to pay close attention to all of the events on one side of the scratch that are caused by the other side of the scratch, because my theory is that a Scratched Universe, more than anything else, is really terminated rather than truly being retroactively erased. Too much doesn’t make sense from a causal perspective (not necessarily from a temporally linear one) if a scratched universe is actually erased entirely, or even if it is closed off from the rest of existence - why can information enter and leave a Scratched Universe at all from an outside perspective, for example?

Are Side A Side B teleporters, appearifiers, and so on and so on, loopholes? Maybe it has something to do with the nature of Void, the Furthest Ring, and their seeming exclusion from the rules the rest of Paradox Space is required to follow.

The Doylist answer, which in Homestuck is also allowed to be the Watsonian answer, might be that while a Scratched Universe is *materially* erased, information about it is still permitted to propagate through narrative contrivances such as the author. Fenestrated planes can easily be considered narrative contrivances, but if we use this as our theory, it seems like Appearifiers and Sendificators would also have to be Narrative Contrivances (which I’m going to spell with a capital NC from here on out.) I... actually don’t have a problem with this hypothesis, so it’s what I’m going with. Also, since a friend of mine who’s reading this liveblog asked, I’m going to post a link to the tvtropes article on those two terms at the start of this paragraph for anyone who doesn’t know what I’m talking about.

Perhaps, given the proclivity for the Void to preserve lost information in the form of dreams and memories, and given the nature of Space as the medium through which events normally propagate (as well as the fundamental medium of storytelling from which all other storytelling mediums derive their medium-ness), and their proximity on the Aspect Wheel, Narrative Contrivances are objects which have are shared between these two domains - as objects associated with the Void, Narrative Contrivances are permitted to follow their own set of rules which to someone outside of the universe are obvious, but to anyone inside the universe are a complete black box, and as objects associated with Space, Narrative Contrivances function as a means by which to propagate information in such a way as to preserve causality, the logical topology of Paradox Space, and with them, the self-fulfilling nature of Paradox Space. They allow the world-line of objects travelling through the narrative to remain consistent, even when they would violate material geographical conventions.

This description of Narrative Contrivances makes me think a lot of things could be Narrative Contrivances, like First Guardians, for example, who can violate the speed of light.

This is all a lot of silly bullshit, but it’s fun to come up with theories to describe and predict Homestuck (and future Homestuck works, even though I’m not terribly invested in them.)

This has been a long Cold Open. More after the break.

https://homestuck.com/story/1529

John gets cyberbullied!

Man. Cyberbullying has really gone from being an individual concern to being an apocalyptic issue. Who knew? Maybe in writing the trolls and their cyberbullying as being inextricable from the apocalypse, Andrew Hussie predicted this.

I’m not trying to understate John’s issues by comparing them to stuff like massive social media disinformation campaigns - receiving Death Threats as a thirteen year old is terrifying, and on a general level, the fact that this kind of horrible shit was commonplace in the earliest days of social media should have been a big indicator that what was yet to come was going to be so, so much worse.

I’m also not trying to jocularly exaggerate the threat that almost completely lawless social media has on society. If you haven’t already, check out the excellent documentary The Social Dilemma, and then delete your Facebook account if you haven’t already (and since you’re reading my extremely anti-capitalist anti-patriarchy liveblog on tumblr, you’ve probably already done that. If you have, good for you!) And your twitter for good measure, come on, you know who you are. Mabe your tumblr too while you’re at it.

Cyberbullying is part of a larger theme in Homestuck, another one of those things that it’s Capital A About. As a work that is not only about growing up, but specifically about growing up in the information age, Homestuck is repeatedly about the ways that Social Media don’t just bring us together, but keep us apart from one another. Cyberbullying is one of the effects of Social Media pushing people apart - it’s so, so much easier to threaten to kill someone when you don’t have to look them in the eye while you’re doing it, and when you have the anonymity of a string of alphanumeric characters as a name to hide behind.

https://homestuck.com/story/1537

The Black Queen is a very bad woman. It’s always intrigued me that the Queens allow their counterparts’ agents free movement through their territory like this even on the eve (or the advent?) of full-scale war between their kingdoms. PM is just allowed to wander around Derse unsupervised.

I suppose that if even God and Satan can afford each other a bit of token civility while discussing the fates of sinners, so can Prospitians and Dersites.

https://homestuck.com/story/1542

@zeetheus John’s definitely proceeds Rose’s bluh.

Rose sips her Mom’s martini for the same reason that she later falls prey to alcoholism. Trying to grow up without help, Rose interprets the martini as a symbol of parental authority, the same way that she interprets the partaking of beverages in general as being a ritual of intimacy with her Mother. Empty signifiers.

https://homestuck.com/story/1549

Jack Noir’s grating voice is so outrageously distracting that it prevents itself as an intrusive thought in the Narrative for PM.

Actually, come to think of it, *all* of the Carapacians talk pretty much exclusively via narration. I wonder if that’s representative of an altered relationship with their narrative reality, which is the first time ever I’ve had that thought pretty much at all.

I always just chalked it up to one of the quirks of Andrew’s writing style, but especially when we take into account the fact that Homestuck is as metanarrative as it is, and that Carapacians are the only characters in Homestuck Proper who interface with the narrative prompt except for the audience, Andrew, and Caliborn himself, I can’t help but wonder. Maybe as living gaming abstractions, in spite of their limited intelligence and abilities, Carapacians have a unique relationship with the narrative laws of Paradox Space (perhaps in the same way that Narrative Contrivances do?)

https://homestuck.com/story/1569

Riffing a little more on the “Fetch Modus as analogous to thought processes” motif previously introduced, Jade’s excellent visualization abilities and vivid imagination serve her well as a Space Player, but tend to misfire, running wild, and seeing patterns where they don’t exist (intrusive thoughts make her see Johnny 5 in her Eclectic Bass and whatever the fuck mecha she’s about to accidentally imagine, I don’t know, I’m not a weeb.) Jade sure does think about robots a lot.

https://homestuck.com/story/1579

I have to say, I consider Terezi’s manipulative abilities to be genuinely pretty strong. I have never known a better way to strongarm me than by pointing out traits that I don’t know whether I feel good or bad about - it just terminates my thought processes.

Although in John’s case, it helps that he is, in fact, a weenie, a stooge, and most importantly, a nice guy. All these facts make him extra manipulatable.

https://homestuck.com/story/1584

I have no reason to believe everyone in Homestuck’s universe isn’t stupidly badass, but I choose to believe that no one is as stupidly badass as the leads because it makes me happy to imagine that these kids are just ridiculously OP superhumans.

(That said, it’s kind of fucked up the level of violence that these literal children are involved in, maybe I shouldn’t get so excited about it. Should we be enthusiastic about the kids’ triumph over their dangerous enemies? Horrified by the travails they are being put through? Probably both motherfuckin’ things.

https://homestuck.com/story/1588

I think about this page a lot.

Rose Lalonde is a very dangerous young lady. She is ruthless, pragmatic, calculating, and cool. She’s even a killer, and literally just killed two imps before fighting this Ogre!

Why is she choosing to show mercy to it now? Is she just trying to get Dave’s goat? Maybe the answer is, deep down, she doesn’t really want to hurt anyone or anything.

https://homestuck.com/story/1589

Kanaya and Dave have a great relationship and I love them as friends very much. I wish dearly that there was more of them in the webcomic. They have approximately the same relationship with authenticity, which is to say that they don’t have an insincere bone in their respective bodies, but practice insincerity nonetheless to impress someone they care about.

For Kanaya relating to Rose, I think it’s a lot more innocent.

https://homestuck.com/story/1590

The least eloquent character in Homestuck has his brief, and I’m pretty sure only encounter with the most eloquent character in Homestuck.

Poor, poor Tavros. While Rose is pretty much always on this level, it seems a lot more innocuous when she’s talking to her friends, or the more mean-spirited and (relatively) competent trolls, the way she treats Tavros almost feels like bullying because of how obviously pathetic he is.

That said, he turns right around, and invokes exactly what’s coming to him. Y’know as much as Tavros is an authentic abuse victim and Vriska gaslights him into thinking a lot of the bad things that happen to him are his fault, there are a lot of times where he does stupid shit that invokes the justifiable wrath of the people around him.

https://homestuck.com/story/1592

While I could pontificate about the fact that Kanaya and Rose are my favorite couple, and squee enthusiastically, instead I will call attention to the fact that, by way of mixing her metaphors, Kanaya has been the victim of an authorial pun - she’s a Fruit Ninja. (Unless Fruit Ninja didn’t exist at the time of writing? It may very well not have.)

https://homestuck.com/story/1596

As the Page of Breath, Tavros sucks at communicating. Here, he sucks at communicating because in spite of his objectively pretty sick rhymes... he is talking to someone who just can’t be arsed.

https://homestuck.com/story/1602

This is one of those absurd moments that at first blush seems meaningless, but I think helps to decipher the kinds of things that John Egbert cares about. It’s one of the moments where he ritualizes an action that one of his heroes takes - John Egbert thinks that Nic Cage is cool, and wants to be like him, so he roleplays Nic Cage for a little while.

https://homestuck.com/story/1603

We’ve barely met the trolls, and they are *already* using the humans as a convenient method to troll each other instead of staying on task.

Karkat also establishes his love of RomComs before his introduction even rolls around.

https://homestuck.com/story/1618

Conceding ground to implacable enemies is generally the correct means to win in Homestuck, usually by getting them to destroy themselves or each other purely by their own unsustainably wicked or stupid conduct. Only a being as powerful as Lord English is sufficient to destroy the Significance-hoarding antagonist that is Vriska, as she threatens to overshadow everyone else in the universe by her own inflated self-importance. Only Vriska, so arbitrarily lucky, could possibly get into position to destroy Lord English. They were made for each other. They deserve each other.

One of my favorite dialogues in the whole comic. Man, I sure love Act 4. There’s something indescribable about the dialogue Andrew writes for this part of the comic. Homestuck at its best whiplashes from silly to scary to heartbreaking to heartwarming, and back to silly again, from beautiful to ugly, and I don’t think that even Act 5, as it piles up layers upon layers, well past the number of parts needed to make a whole, captures the essence of Homestuck as well as does Act 4.

Homestuck is different in every part, of course, and for everyone who says that Act 4 is peak Homestuck you will meet someone who says that Acts 1 through 3 were peak Homestuck, or who says that Act 5 was Peak Homestuck, or that Act 6 was Peak Homestuck. I do not mean to demean any portion of the work by saying that Act 4 is my favorite. The things I like in Homestuck the most are just the most themselves in this portion of the story.

https://homestuck.com/story/1627

I’m feeling less and less intelligent as I read more and more of Homestuck, because honestly, my theories read less like honest-to-god insights, and more like somebody who just wasn’t paying any fucking attention. Here, Jade spells out basically what I’ve been saying.

https://homestuck.com/story/1640

We’ll pause here for the evening. Reading was a little sparse today, but it’s a good place to leave off, especially since for some of these I wrote just stacks of theorizing.

Until tomorrow, Cam signing off, Mostly alive except for a bit of a cough, and not alone.

#liveblogging #commentary #watson and doyle #narrative contrivances #trolls

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gaiapaia · 3 years

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Kermit and Friends: Regulus

This week’s special guest was Aaron Ozee, author of the very popular children’s book Regulus. The book was such a hit that it was made into an animated film, also titled Regulus. You can purchase the book here and rent or buy a digital version of the film here.

Regulus is about a ‘Rat King’ who refuses to share his cheese with the mice he considers beneath him. Unfortunately for the Rat King, he loses his King status and the bully then becomes the bullied.

The book has a very strong anti-bullying message, and Elisa’s first question to Aaron Ozee was about that. Aaron would explain how he was bullied growing up and how it deeply affected him in a bad way, only then to use it as motivation in an effort to help others going through the same kind of bullying he suffered as a kid.

Bullying would be a strong theme throughout the rest of the show. Elisa got bullied for the shirt she wore, she was verbally abused by her fiancé, accused of exploitation by a moron, dogged by multiple KAF Wrap-Up show hosts... I mean, Elisa was catching flack from all angles this week for little to no reason. It was unbelievable and a bit disheartening if you’re like myself and care about Elisa.

Andy Dick is simply out of control. After trying to con Elisa out of $650 earlier in the week, he called her a “Fat whore” among other horrible names at The Grove in front of strangers and children on Saturday. He even got his ‘boyfriend’ Lucas to join in on the harassment. Just an awful situation that no one deserves, especially Elisa who has treated Andy like absolute gold these last couple of months.

Elisa finally seemed fed up with Andy’s abuse, but it wouldn’t last long. After claiming she was done with him, Andy actually appeared on the show just as Elisa was getting ready to end it. He was being nice and I could tell right away that Elisa would let him back in her good graces.

Andy would give a half-assed apology for his actions from the previous day, only then to call Elisa crazy and psychotic, only again to apologize after that. Elisa not only accepted his apologies but then offered to take him out to eat after the show. It seemed like she wanted to shift all the blame on to that Lucas guy, letting Andy completely off the hook.

People who don’t like Elisa will look at this behavior and call her weak, or they will say she’s hanging on to Andy no matter what he does just because he’s famous. The idiots who say that would be very wrong.

Elisa doesn’t have an angle. She’s been in abusive relationship after abusive relationship. I’m afraid Elisa doesn’t love herself so she’s more attracted to people that treat her like crap. Elisa will turn 33 in June so she’s old enough where this isn’t some wild young woman phase. My theory is subconsciously Elisa believes she deserves the abuse. It could possibly stem from her parents shipping her off to a demonic boarding school where it stuck with Elisa that sort of treatment is what she deserves in this life. She doesn’t deserve it, though. Not at all.

Elisa may not agree with me but I feel I’m right about this because I’m speaking from personal experience. I deal with the same self-loathing issues I believe Elisa has, but it’s easy for me to sit here and say Elisa should start loving herself more than to look in the mirror and tell myself the same. One of the many reasons why I will never look at Elisa in a bad light is because I can relate to the inner-struggle she’s been going through all these years. I just wish there was a way Elisa could see herself in the same spectacular light I see her in.

Elisa talked about these grandiose visions she had of herself and Andy, being featured on the cover of Forbes magazine, creating hit music, starring in movies... the works.

Just think about this... if you’re reading this blog, you already know how talented Elisa is, even if you don’t like her. You know she’s already achieved a level of success that not 1% of the population will achieve in the entertainment industry. So why does she need someone like Andy freakin’ Dick in order to vision herself on the cover of Forbes magazine? Imagine if Elisa set the goal without a man or anyone else’s help by her side... could she do it? I 100% believe she could if she gave it her all. I understand success isn’t anywhere near as fulfilling when you don’t have anyone to share it with, but you should at least strive to share your success with someone who treats you well.

Anyways, I apologize for jumping out of the review to share my personal feelings. I’m not happy with Andy, I’m not happy with that relationship. I want Elisa to have fun and create a show she can be proud of. It’s easier to accomplish that with a wacky outgoing famous guy like Andy Dick, I get that... but at this point, in my opinion, it’s not worth it if this is how Andy is going to treat Elisa.

Elisa is a grown woman though capable of making her own decisions. I will always love Elisa and wish the best for her because I know she has a beautiful heart/soul and her intentions are always good. There’s more I want to say about the situation but I’ll move on.

Back to Aaron Ozee... he gave a fantastic interview. He’s a very positive guy with big goals but also humble and polite. T-Bob tried to ruffle Aaron’s feathers with a couple of asinine questions about Black Lives Matter, and Aaron couldn’t have handled it more eloquently, even winning Trumpster Bob over (no easy feat). I was extremely impressed. On top of that, Aaron was respectful and non-judgmental to every KAF regular he talked to. Just a truly swell guy and I hope to see him more often on the show.

Kermit made a couple of new friends this week. One was Johnny B’s alter ego, Joannie B. Think Robin Williams as Mrs. Doubtfire and that’s Joannie B. Very humorous stuff. A guy in some kind of Star Wars helmet named White Kanye also made his debut on Kermit and Friends. Apparently he’s been in some escapades with Andy Dick and told some stories. Unfortunately, it was impossible to tell if he was being truthful.

Chris Christine blessed the show with her presence again. She opened up about the 20 years she spent in the American military and how it led to some traumatic mental anguish. Chris credited an Andy Dick Cameo she received as to why she didn’t commit suicide a couple of years ago. She was incredibly sweet and even offered to pay Andy that $650 I mentioned above. Chris also said a lovely prayer for Elisa and Andy. What a sweet soul Chris is all around, she’s easily one of my new favorites.

Sharmin and Dr. Roy joined us in Miami. They’ve been having a vacation together and they helped Elisa sort through her feelings regarding Andy. It was awesome to see them having fun and looking so happy.

Eric Riggs had another sex video presented on the show, this time involving a pen and his rear end. Eric called in and made Elisa shut off the video before the conclusion. He was fine with last week’s sex tape but I guess this week he felt embarrassed. Eric would later read a poem about some woman named Mindy that owes him money, which also somehow involved Elisa’s vagina and horseradish. One of the weirdest poems I’ve ever heard but hey... that’s Kermit and Friends.

Barry “Boss” Mezey called into the show to accuse Elisa of exploiting Kermit’s friends. Barry fails to realize that Elisa gives a platform to literally anyone who wants to make use of it, and the people who garner the most interest from the audience are the people Elisa will feature the most, just like every other reality show in human existence. Barry’s phone calls could not have been more wrong, shame on him.

Lastly, Elisa sort of snapped this week on a chatter by the name of Nikki. Nikki criticized Elisa’s shirt and then said she could have a more popular show than Kermit and Friends if she tried. I think Elisa had some pent up frustration regarding Andy and sort of it took it out on Nikki, which by my estimation Nikki honestly deserved anyway. I just wish Elisa had that same fire not to put up with Andy’s BS. But Nikki has said some very mean things about Elisa in the past, both on Discord and on other Kermitarian related streams, so it’s not like Elisa attacked some innocent princess who made one bad comment. Nikki can be funny but she’s not a nice person at all, so while I commend Elisa for apologizing and feeling guilty over her words to Nikki... sometimes the bully gets bullied just like in Regulus.

The show ended with Elisa playing yet another tremendously creative music video from her talented co-host, Sugar. Overall it was a good show. The interview with Aaron was very professional and well done, and the Andy stuff I’m certain was entertaining for most people. KAF continues to deliver every week, just as I’m sure it will next week. 'Til then, I sincerely thank everyone for reading and I hope you all have a superb week... well, unless your name is Andy Dick, in which case you deserve a very bad week with another bite to the face from my main man Fozzie.

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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James & Ava

James: Good morning, how are you? Ava: 😊 All the 🌞 for hearing from you Ava: how are you, James? James: I'm happy to hear that James: meanwhile I'm busy, but unfortunately not solely with hours dedicated to missing you, which is in itself dangerously close to a regret Ava: I know what you mean Ava: the universe doesn't allow nearly enough opportunities for pining at open windows or reflective musing whilst staring into bodies of water, or mirrors, depending on the mood Ava: impressive you can think up any beautiful words in such circumstances Ava: what are you busy with? James: I can't remember the last time I looked into a reflective surface that wasn't a kitchen appliance, but considering how few hours of sleep my present universe allows, that's perhaps for the best James: there is only so much a caffeine fuelled bloodstream can produce and therefore no new paragraphs of the novel are forthcoming either James: I'm steeping your in disappointments to begin your day, I'm afraid James: and you're not the only one, as what I am overwhelmingly busy right now is cancelling plans Ava: I'm sure I'll survive them all though Ava: as you will the lack of sleep and caffeine jitters, with a bit of help Ava: what can I do? Ava: Which is to say, what plans are worth keeping cancelled, and which ones should be salvaged from the ❌🗑 James: all I am left with are the activities which I cannot bear to erase from the schedule, therein lies my dilemma in its entirety Ava: Lay it on me Ava: two heads are better than one James: she is supposed to be here & isn't, which is of no surprise to me & wouldn't be of any consequence if I were capable of being in two places at once James: but I am not, nor do I have words to spin this into a story that doesn't end with a child having even less routine or structure when what she wants is more of both Ava: Right, and naturally, she's left it too late to contact any grandparent to be a stand-in? Ava: is it something I could do or not? James: I did try my mother but her reaction to being asked to enter the swimming baths was as hilarious as it was unhelpful Ava: I can imagine Ava: if that wasn't a waste of imagination James: I should have foreseen that they'd end up sharing the same unwillingness to get their hair wet Ava: but swimming caps are so fetching Ava: 🙄 James: of course James: & it's entirely about them, not the children's enjoyment Ava: or that swimming is actually a pretty vital skill Ava: you think people who like to spend so much time doing water-adjacent activities, yachting, sailing etc, would realize said importance but half my friends can't swim, only take the poolside pictures Ava: but seriously, if you think they'd be okay, I'm happy to keep watch on whichever kid would be more agreeable with me doing so James: Jay loves swimming, but I'm sure she'll outgrow it & prefer to pose apathetically on a lounger in designer sunglasses given a few years & the force of my wife's will James: that's how things work in this universe Ava: Not everyone is like that Ava: and your wife's will can be broken by the horror of damp hair, it can't be that much of an unstoppable force James: her will isn't the one being tested, but point taken Ava: No, I know Ava: I bet none of her yummy mummy friends take their kids though, do they? James: all of her friends have foreign au pairs that they barely have to financially compensation for raising their children full time Ava: so Ava: we can pretend I'm your enthusiastic...Swedish is perhaps a little too cliche Ava: Dutch? Ava: au pair James: what language do you actually take in school? James: they might hypothetically try to voice their complaints to you & expect you to respond in kind Ava: Such a shame the obligatory Latin won't come in handy, as per with dead languages Ava: I take French though, some of them might be Swiss James: it's inconsequential really, I can't ask you to help me when I haven't even asked what your plans are Ava: I offered, you didn't ask Ava: and I wouldn't have offered if I was busy with anything of consequence James: yes you would Ava: Nothing in my life is that important, not currently James: this isn't important to you James: & it doesn't have to be Ava: It's a life skill, like I said Ava: I don't mind doing it James: what am I supposed to say? Ava: if you think it's a bad idea, it's not like I'll be offended or anything silly like that James: it isn't that it's a bad idea Ava: What is it? James: it's that I feel bad, if this is what I can offer you James: because ours isn't supposed to be a sob story & it seems like I've only started a conversation with you to file my complaints Ava: it's not all you can offer me Ava: or all you do Ava: you have responsibilities, plenty of them, I knew that before Ava: and it's not a negative, even with it meaning we spend more time missing each other than we'd like James: it is however painfully stereotypical, 'my wife doesn't understand me' & so on Ava: well, yes Ava: at least you aren't alone in that pain Ava: 2/3 marriages, isn't it James: you're not supposed to be a sounding board for my mistakes, or hers, is all I'm trying to say Ava: I don't feel like one, I promise James: I just wish we could exist independent of this James: but there's no way not to feel equally as bad for wishing for a different world as I do for dragging you into this one Ava: I know Ava: but that wouldn't be a real world at all Ava: it could only exist within the pages of the novel Ava: it'd be perfect but James: I know that too, all of it James: ignore me, I'm tired Ava: I couldn't if I wanted to Ava: and I don't Ava: maybe you'll find a lilo to catch some 💤 on James: sadly I'm not taking any of you swimming at the villa Ava: You would have to tell me if I needed my passport as well as my swimsuit James: one day Ava: yeah? James: if you want to Ava: I don't need to pose apathetically in another sun lounger Ava: but of course, I'd like to be anywhere with you James: you won't be, that isn't even the hypothetical holiday I have in mind James: you know I want to experience things with you Ava: Then we will Ava: and it'll be much more than a photo opportunity James: okay, good Ava: Where would you most want to go together? James: I don't know James: but I like snow Ava: We can work with that Ava: top of a mountain, maybe James: that would be an undeniably good photo opportunity Ava: okay, so the view doesn't count 😅 James: I'll be relying on that, taking mental pictures is all well & good for now but you're a very lovely view Ava: oh 😌 Ava: you're lovelier James: no, you're impossibly beautiful James: all I can do is my best to put suitable description to it Ava: you're just Ava: I want to help you today Ava: but it's undeniably a bonus that I will get to see you James: I'll make some time purely for you James: I don't know when, but as soon as I can Ava: I'll take it Ava: whenever it is James: there's a chance I can use my mother's unwillingness to help me now as a insistence to do so later Ava: potentially Ava: promise her hair won't get wet, that'd be a start James: thank you, I'll open with that Ava: 😏 Ava: there must be something she'd like to do with them Ava: that won't also be entirely torturous for them, because certainly counterproductive James: I'm not sure there is James: but at the very least she's capable of feeding & putting them to bed Ava: then I can do the same for you Ava: more or less James: by then, it'll be my turn to do something for you Ava: which would you rather 🛏 or 🍽? James: it's not my decision, it's yours Ava: I'll cook for you James: I think that's wise Ava: I just want to see you, we don't need to go anywhere unnecessarily Ava: my place is often empty James: I'm happy to hear that in this instance, because of how much I want to see you too Ava: It has its perks Ava: you can take as long as you like putting me to bed, also James: can I? Ava: Yes Ava: I very much hope so James: I don't think you've anticipated how long I would like to spend doing so James: in a perfect world Ava: in this world Ava: we can go to bed very, very early, so you'll still be home by the time you need to be James: & if I don't need to be anywhere else, can I stay? Ava: yes Ava: you can stay as long as you can James: I'll try & stay until we can say good morning face to face Ava: I'd really like that James: me too Ava: You make me smile, you know James: I look forward to seeing it, should traffic ever allow Ava: Oh, I could've got myself there James: I know but I want to spend as much time with you as possible, just in case James: it's already been highlighted how unreliable all of my childcare options are & just how dependent on ridiculous whims Ava: I'm not going to complain, trust me James: you'd be entitled to, when you see how much energy these girls have compared to me James: they make me appear a level of exhausted that I haven't yet reached, honest James: it's horrifically unjust Ava: If I know anything about having kids, it's that any complaint I might have doesn't even register in comparison Ava: and you're still beautiful, even if you're very, very tired James: in theory possibly, but actually, your every sound & silence registers with me Ava: in that case, I'll make every one count James: I believe you Ava: not that I promise my words will be as good as yours Ava: that would just be foolish James: I don't doubt your vocabulary either, you're extremely eloquent & capable whatever the circumstances James: a very worthwhile skill in a protagonist Ava: you could make me the swooning type and it'd be valid Ava: perhaps not very likable or inspirational though James: unless you've changed your mind about seeing me, I don't have the time for such a drastic & unnecessarily out of character rewrite James: there aren't enough hours in the day to finish the saga, never mind turn us into the next Bella & Edward James: what a great disservice that would be to you anyway Ava: That would be so out of character, I couldn't possibly, we'd find ourselves in the same situation regardless Ava: and whilst I'm happy to miss you and do some pining for the cause Ava: I'll be happier to see you, of course Ava: no need to exile yourself to Italy, though I can see the pluses of that for you/Edward James: not to mention, the age gap is already enough of a potential concern Ava: at least you aren't re-doing high school for the nth time Ava: that would be alarming James: there's an argument to be made that I should Ava: if you picked a better school, maybe James: at the top of a mountain, perhaps Ava: yes Ava: though, distracting as you would be, I wouldn't be mad at an excuse to see you every day James: there is nothing more distracting than the thought of the blush of your cheeks in the cold air, which is what I'm considering right now Ava: James James: Ava Ava: I'm going to have to be cool when I see you, aren't I James: yes Ava: okay Ava: then I better compose myself James: such a heartbreaking sentence will never make it into the final draft Ava: it's okay, I like swimming James: you'll enjoy it when I can promise you a hot spring Ava: I'll love it then James: I hope so Ava: I will Ava: but I could be anywhere with you and feel 🌞 James: I can't help but feel as though this swimming lesson will put that to the test Ava: screaming kids are nothing Ava: I'm 💪 James: you can have the baby then, there's more heavy lifting involved Ava: alright Ava: I can do that Ava: she must be like a little 🐠 James: she looks like one with her 🐠 hooded towel on Ava: that's adorable James: [sends her a picture from a previous swimming lesson of that adorable bub wearing it because that's not cheating evidence Chlo, we're safe] Ava: Bless her Ava: she's precious James: you'll do fine, she enjoys a compliment Ava: I feel that James: well, it'd be amiss if I didn't flirt with my au pair & we don't want any raised eyebrows Ava: Exactly Ava: got to play your role James: if there was ever one I was seemingly born to play Ava: you don't want an actual au pair? Ava: not for flirting purposes, obviously James: I'm not allowed one, for flirting purposes or otherwise Ava: Ahh Ava: I see James: yet another cliche Ava: you shouldn't need one Ava: she doesn't work, right Ava: or uni, or anything James: of course not, but we would hypothetically need one because, as you just highlighted, she doesn't do anything Ava: yeah Ava: maybe you could find a man Ava: or a really unappealing woman James: I'm not handing her someone else to sleep with, least of all someone who's supposed to be busy watching the children James: & I don't think a woman unappealing enough exists given that my imagined track record clearly surpasses the actual Ava: and it would just be cruel to force any queer guy to be her built-in gay BFF Ava: 🙁 James: oh god, that would be the cruellest fate imaginable Ava: couldn't wish that on anyone Ava: I just Ava: wish I could help more long-term James: all you have to do is be here, that is helping me both short & long term James: more than you know or I could feasibly let you know Ava: but you can try Ava: and I will very much enjoy you doing so Ava: later James: I miss you James: I want you to know that now Ava: I miss you too James: I'll be there soon though, whether or not that helps or makes the feeling worse for you Ava: we'll see Ava: at least I can let you know 💬 James: I'll take my own opportunity to compose myself before you do Ava: 😇 James: 😈 Ava: it will be hard not to be James: it always is Ava: yeah Ava: one day, you won't have to be James: but this morning, I'll try to please everyone Ava: and you will James: you're the 😇 darling Ava: but you are very, very good Ava: you should know, I want you to James: thank you Ava: you're 🥇 James: I will only accept the accolade if I can share the honour with you Ava: you're too generous Ava: you deserve it James: so do you Ava: nah, not really James: yes really James: I don't deserve you happening to me James: I'm in awe of everything about you, Ava Ava: That's not true Ava: you deserve me Ava: and a lot more besides James: irrespective of the difference of opinion, I don't want anything more than you Ava: anything? James: what could I possibly desire more than you? Ava: you're Ava: are you nearly here? James: yes, but I can take some kind of impromptu detour if you'd rather the answer was no Ava: I can definitely compose myself again Ava: becoming quite an expert James: which is why you deserve a 🥇 James: I know how difficult it is to do Ava: at least we share in it Ava: that makes it, not easier but at least worthwhile James: still, I wish there was something I could do to make it easier for you Ava: it'll help when I get to see you in the pool Ava: or make it a lot worse in a kinda fun way, anyway James: oh James: I haven't stopped to consider what you're going to be wearing for this Ava: It's probably best you don't Ava: forget I said anything James: hm, what you're done is, you've essentially guaranteed I can't & won't Ava: it's okay, you have the whole ride there to think about it before you really need to concentrate James: except I meant it when I answered yes to being nearly there & as soon as I am, time will speed up as it tends to do James: around you there are just never enough moments Ava: I miss you before you've even got here too Ava: no amount of time seems suitable James: I'll write us days, weeks, months & years but there's every chance you'll still feel cheated by it Ava: that's just life isn't it Ava: there's no time for half the things we want to do, but we have to carry on in earnest anyway James: the fraction alters from person to person, depending on the life lived & what gets prioritised but I don't believe there's anyone satisfied that they've experienced enough of anything they still want Ava: right Ava: the best you can hope for is doing some of it and having no regrets about if you could've done any more with your allotted time James: in not doing regrets, I'm halfway there Ava: could be worse James: I'm aware it could also be better, don't worry, I won't make you say it Ava: who's couldn't though James: anyone I care about, if the 🖋 were mightier than the ⚔ or indeed intentions counted for more than words on paper in the 1st place Ava: good intentions might not exactly be doing good, but it's still much better than doing bad James: they might also be dangerously close to a fool's errand but I've definitely made a fool of myself for a lot less Ava: I think its noble James: do you? Ava: Yes Ava: of course Ava: I mean it, really mean it, when I say I think you're lovely James: it's just that I'm not used to hearing it James: give me days, months, weeks & years Ava: Done Ava: the only reason I'd stop was if you wanted me to Ava: even then, I might try again, a few more times James: I have no intention, be it good or bad, of stopping you from doing anything you want to Ava: as long as you want it too James: even if I don't Ava: I wouldn't want that James: give yourself days, months, weeks & years James: the point is, my limitations aren't yours, you can do whatever you want & I won't be something that prevents you Ava: I'll still have time and space to say and mean it, whoever I am, because it will still be true and you'll still deserve to hear it James: okay, I'll work on accepting that James: but I make no promises about getting that work done during this particular car ride James: nonetheless, if you're still willing to, you can get in Ava: [come through gal, say hello to them babies] James: [depending where we're putting this on the timeline it could be the first time you have] Ava: [very well could be, Jay just like whaaa] James: [she's like new phone who dis] Ava: [just like I too wanted to swim so I'm coming with, is that cool?] James: [cue excited chatter about swimming and all the other sports and activities she likes because she's a sporty bitch from cradle to grave hence her personal trainer future] Ava: [just taking an interest like your own mother never, so rude] James: [I like to imagine the baby joining in by making excited sounds like she's trying to chat too] Ava: [just replying like yeah girl, same, like you understand] James: [I love it when that's a thing] Ava: [so do babies] James: [already better with her than her actual mother is] Ava: [sad but true] James: [we know the bar is that low, no shade Ava we also know you'll be an amazing step mum and mum so] Ava: [but seriously, we aren't being that extra rn that would be weird, we're just being not shit lol] James: [exactly dr phil and we know this swimming lesson will go great cos I'm only gonna be evil after and not let him get away to spend the night with her cos forever rude] Ava: [that's real and fair] James: [you lowkey don't get to have anything you want rn lads it's just the era we're in] Ava: [true tea, can skip to that] James: the later we wanted is going to have to happen moreso than we thought James: I'm really sorry James: I've tried everyone, both my siblings even Ava: Oh, okay Ava: that is a shame James: It's not okay, you were wonderful earlier & I James: well, I'm hardly that, unless we're giving out marks for effort in the last hour Ava: I'm definitely counting it Ava: if it can't be done it can't be James: not tonight Ava: then it's, not okay but just a fact Ava: we'll find time James: what are you doing tomorrow, maybe we can find some time then? Ava: I'm going to another Uni taster day thing James: which uni is it? Ava: LSE, so I will be about the day after on James: & you'll tell me what you think of LSE when it's over, right? Ava: Of course Ava: it's 1st for journalism but I'm not sold quite yet James: the tour might swing it for you if they take it more seriously than the one I gave Ava: I happen to be fond of the tour you gave, thank you very much James: Yes, The Vault will forever hold a special place in your heart Ava: Exactly Ava: be swinging by whether I'm alum or not 😏 James: I'll bear that in mind should I ever need to find you Ava: you only have to ask James: or whistle, not your namesake's immortal line, but I'm sure it'd be effective Ava: I have two, should you ever like to try again James: I'll bear that in mind as well Ava: Are you named after your dad, or granddad? James: II not III Ava: might've skipped a generation, if he was feeling particularly ruthless James: that would be a fun anecdote, but no Ava: that's a shame Ava: how do they pick the second boy's name James: I assume my mother just named Teddy what she would have named me if my father's ego hadn't got in the way Ava: that makes sense James: how they chose me sister's name would be anyone's guess, were it not stolen from the royal family Ava: surprised they'd commit the faux pas Ava: never have you 'round now, very awkward James: or very much a relief Ava: Poor Charlotte is pretty awkward looking James: looking like your grandmother can go one of 2 extremely different ways James: the more greats you add, the more you're rolling the dice Ava: 😅 Ava: at least there is some mystery in that Ava: no prizes for guessing who I come from James: but hand on heart I can profess to being thrilled that neither of my daughters resemble any of their grandparents Ava: they look like you James: Jay does Ava: yeah, moreso Ava: little ones change so much James: yes, she's an unfinished work Ava: that's a good way to put it James: it's better than being a shelved one, as I am Ava: I can deploy tiptoes if necessary James: thank you for what will be a cherished mental image Ava: it'd be cuter if I was smaller but in relation to you James: you couldn't be any cuter, in relation to anyone Ava: I'm glad you think so James: of course I do Ava: no of course about it Ava: you're totally gorgeous yourself James: first you're comparing our heights & now follows the rest of our attributes James: it's okay, I'm sitting down Ava: well I'm glad to hear you're getting somewhat of a break Ava: I'm just saying, it was still very unlikely, if not star-crossed James: you don't think we looked right together earlier? Ava: I love how we looked James: is there a but coming? Ava: only in the sense I wish it wasn't such a predictable cliche scene around here Ava: but it's neither of our faults that employment is seen as an actual form of flirtation by some James: it was a convenient excuse, I couldn't have wished for more than that under the circumstances Ava: I know Ava: it did the job James: if you want to come again, we know it works Ava: do you think I'll be invited back? James: I don't see why not Ava: I did okay then James: you did better than okay, we're all in agreement here Ava: good James: you haven't been worrying about this since you left, have you? Ava: not worrying Ava: but I don't want to mess that up, so I'm glad I didn't James: I understand, but I meant what I said about being in awe of you, you know James: this wasn't any different Ava: You really do always know what to say Ava: I know it was only swimming, but I'm glad they got to go James: well it's obvious that you always know what to do because you were perfect James: I was worried I shouldn't have agreed to you coming with us, but I'm glad you did James: they would've missed out for no reason if I'd panicked needlessly Ava: it wasn't needless panic though, you were left properly in the lurch Ava: and on paper, does not sound like the best idea James: I'm used to that, but less used to us existing off the page, particularly when it isn't just the two of us James: I asked you what you thought about how we looked, but it's something I try not to think about Ava: because of what other people might think Ava: or because you don't like the thought James: because of everything about my life that makes it difficult for us to be an us James: & because of your age & theirs Ava: You aren't that much older, even if your life means you have to act it Ava: but I understand Ava: thinking about it too much makes you think it might only ever be a nice thought, a daydream on the page and in our heads James: I know but Jay is 6 & you aren't old enough to have a child of that age James: which is why you don't James: I can't help thinking about that Ava: Well, yeah, I don't get having kids, there's no denying that but I'm not trying to say I do Ava: most people your age don't have kids either James: of course they don't, that's the thing, there's not an excessive age gap but there is a huge discrepancy when it comes to our lifestyle Ava: I know James: I don't want to alter yours, that's all Ava: You aren't just going to Ava: my lifestyle is up to me James: okay, just don't let me rewrite you Ava: you won't Ava: you don't want to, and I won't let you Ava: don't worry, okay James: I'll try not to Ava: it's needless, we can use that word here instead James: it's only a worry because I like you exactly as you are Ava: those aren't your words, sir James: do you only accept original speeches? James: it's very much a sentiment that applies to you and how I feel in this instance Ava: as long as you stick to the classics Ava: Mark Darcy, Edward Cullen James: an easy promise to both make & stick to Ava: then I'm happy Ava: 😊 James: I'm happy to hear that Ava: I like it when you're happy James: I'm happy with you Ava: good Ava: that's a good start Ava: we'll see each other soon, but maybe we can call before then James: I'd like that James: when? Ava: whenever you can Ava: I'm going to have a quiet night in James: as soon as I can then Ava: perfect Ava: what are you doing now? James: everything you would if you were my actual au pair Ava: Awkward when I am just a pretty face James: you're not but you're also not on my payroll thankfully because that would be more awkward James: what are you doing? Ava: making some dinner Ava: then I'll see how long I can make a bath last, I reckon James: are you making the same thing for yourself as you were going to make for me? Ava: I would've made you something special James: you've earnt special too though Ava: I'll do a different kind of special then Ava: comfort food James: I normally can't stand compromises but that admittedly sounds like a lovely one Ava: aren't compromises key in kid negotiations though? James: I think that depends what kind of parent you are Ava: and you're the structure and routine, so you're the boundaries and rules that aren't up for discussion too James: whether I wish I could just give in sometimes or not Ava: you're the love too though Ava: you can tell they both adore you James: for as long as being everything doesn't wear me down to nothing, I'll keep being exactly what they need me to Ava: does anyone help Ava: like, give consistent help James: her parents are the closest I've got Ava: sounds really fucking stressful James: it was easier with one Ava: yeah Ava: now you're outnumbered James: & everyone helped more when Jay was younger because we were too James: I'm expected to know what I'm doing by now Ava: don't reckon anyone ever does though Ava: cop-out response, I'm aware but genuinely Ava: it's just everyone has the responsibility of fucking up their own kids James: every child is different & I'm not remotely the same person I was either James: an additional cop out response but true anyway James: the way I handle things now, or don't, is a world away from how I coped then so James: new challenges Ava: well, I can't say about then Ava: but you're nicer now than lots of dickheads 'round here that wait 'til they're 30-40 odd to have theirs James: thank you Ava: whatever missteps, having a parent that's a decent person is an advantage lots of kids don't get James: are yours? Ava: yeah, I think so Ava: like, they aren't storybook parents and they never have been that type, they're too fucked up for that Ava: but they did and would do anything for us, nothing we could bring at them would be too much, and my siblings have definitely put that to the test in recent years James: storybook parents tend to lead you into the woods using a trail of breadcrumbs or do nothing while you're placed under a curse anyway James: which sounds more like the school of child rearing my parents would subscribe to Ava: oh you're right Ava: the ones that aren't dead are usually terrible James: I need to write some better bedtime stories once the novel is finished Ava: you'd be perfect at that Ava: I can tell Ava: you can turn me into whatever animal sells best but it better be cute or I won't be able to help being slightly offended James: you'll be adorable & clever & kind, of course James: the good ideas can come from your animal counterpart as they always do from you when you're yourself Ava: very 🦗 Ava: she likes 🐕 a lot though, and I can handle that James: I was considering a water creature because you love swimming & are intending to be in the bath as long as you possibly can James: perhaps 🦦 Ava: see Ava: you're amazing at this Ava: that would be so cute James: you haven't seen the pictures yet, an amazing artist I am not Ava: we'll get you an illustrator James: male or unattractive? Ava: I'm not your wife, I don't need to make those sort of stipulations James: strictly hired on their ability to draw an adorable 🦦 it is then Ava: 👍 thinking James: [I was thinking he should send her some totally beautiful and expensive pudding because she said comfort food so that needs to arrive before she's in the bath otherwise that'd be annoying instead of sweet] Ava: James James: Ava Ava: how am I ever going to thank you? James: oh good, I thought you were say you didn't like it James: *about to Ava: I love it Ava: how are you just as sweet Ava: it's ridiculous James: it's ridiculous that I can't see you for days at a time James: I want you to know that you're in my thoughts more often than that Ava: if she knew how lucky she was, none of this would even be an issue, that's what's ridiculous Ava: but I'm sort of glad she doesn't Ava: selfishly James: she isn't lucky to have me, that's the obvious issue James: because to say that we don't work as a couple or aren't sweet to each other is an oversimplification Ava: did you ever? James: no Ava: I'm sorry James: I don't deserve any sympathy, I haven't always tried very hard Ava: It's still sad James: It's sad for them, I'd like to think that maybe one day they'll describe me as 'fucked up but...' as you did your parents though James: I'd happily settle for that Ava: I don't know how thrilled they'd be Ava: but there's not really a higher compliment so Ava: as far as goals go, it's a good one James: realistic goals are the only way forward Ava: I'll drink to that James: 🥂 since I can't actually Ava: I'm just eating my pudding, obviously James: very amiss of me not to send you 🍾 as well James: noted Ava: Shh Ava: it was perfect, you are Ava: there's always enough 🍾 'round mine to bathe in, should I feel so inclined James: I remember Ava: yeah Ava: I remember too James: I won't ask you to fill in the ensuing gaps in my memory, don't worry Ava: I tried not to pay that close attention, naturally James: 😇 naturally Ava: Hardly Ava: Buster was just pretty embarrassing James: I remember that as well James: though I took the 👑 in that regard so there's little room for me to say anything Ava: you aren't my brother so I guess it didn't really register James: it may have more closely registered had we stayed friends, I suppose Ava: He didn't stay, period James: precisely Ava: 🤷 James: if he had & we were still friends, there wouldn't be a you & I so Ava: depends how good friends you were Ava: think you'd have to be much better than you were, right? James: it would be an added complication regardless & there are more than enough of those Ava: very true James: no offense to your brother but I would rather have your company than his Ava: 😂 I should hope so James: you could improve your ⚽ skills but James: Jay'll help you Ava: Slander Ava: I could be semi-pro, you don't know 😏 James: 😂 Ava: I'm not though, don't want to get anyone's hopes up here Ava: definitely come back to bite me if I try and impress you with my dribbling skills 🙄 James: I won't wait for you to indignantly explain the off side rule to me, it's okay Ava: we're both better than that cliche James: I hope so Ava: besides, I have ZERO interest in being a sports journalist thank you Ava: not putting that out into the universe James: or a WAG presumably Ava: not unless he has an interesting personality to go with the ball control James: some of them must Ava: probably be better going with a female player but I doubt they're girlfriends go in for the WAG label Ava: not invested enough to champion it solo James: it'd be a slightly less stereotypical existence Ava: except every lesbian is either a footballer, cop or farmer James: I'll have to take your word for it Ava: yes, I'm very reliable James: well I'm sorry, you can't be the novel's narrator Ava: I like your words too much, that's fine James: you're too kind to me Ava: no James: yes James: because it's another failing of mine that I can't get inside your head in order to write those words Ava: I like when you tell them to me Ava: with your voice James: can I call you? Ava: yes James: [does and I vote it lasts for hours and hours because they are cute and high key] Ava: [agreed]

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owlways-and-forever · 5 years

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Summary: Lily Evans thought her life would be normal. Well, as normal as it can be for a muggle-born witch in England. But when her boyfriend turns out to be the prince of the wizarding world, and tensions begin to rise among factions of wizarding society, Lily must find her way in situations she never anticipated, and try not to lose sight of her identity. Word Count: 2,023 (5,316) Links: ao3 | FFnet | Tumblr: Ch 1

A/N: Welcome back and happy Saturday! We have a slightly shorter chapter today, but it's a pretty important one. This is probably the shortest chapter of the story by quite a bit, so you have long chapters to look forward to. I think that's all my notes for today. I sincerely hope you enjoy this chapter, and I look forward to reading your comments!

Chapter 2

Professor Flitwick had come down with a nasty case of phoenix flu so Charms lessons had been cancelled for the week so that he could spend time recuperating in the hospital wing. Professor McGonagall had offered to cover some of his lessons, but he had insisted on giving his students the time off. They had been working hard, he had said, so it would be a nice treat for them. He had set them some extra reading, and a long essay to be turned in when lessons resumed, but the seventh years still had their Thursday and Friday afternoons free, and that had given them all a rather exhilarated air.

James had approached Lily as soon as they’d gotten the notice, asking if she wanted to spend some time with him, maybe walking around the grounds. He had slipped his hand into hers as he asked, and she felt warm and happy as she accepted his offer. And so, Thursday afternoon, Lily found herself strolling arm in arm with James, laughing lightly at his jokes and enjoying the feel of the autumn sun on her skin. As the light started to fade and the sun dipped behind the trees of the Forbidden Forest, they sat down on a red and white checkered blanket that James conjured. He seemed lost in thought, unusually pensieve, but Lily just leaned back and waited for him to decide whether or not to share the thoughts swirling in his mind.

“Lily, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” James said quietly, his fingers playing with her hair delicately, tracing the sunlight as it danced across the strands. “It’s not... I don’t usually share... but I trust you and I... I care about you and I want you to know the truth...”

His words captured Lily’s attention and she sat up so she could look at him and see his face. He looked tortured, like whatever he was about to tell her was hurting him to say, and the idea of it tugged at her heart a little bit.

“You can tell me,” she answered softly, stroking her hand lightly across his chest, and he let out a very small purring noise.

“I know about Marlene’s notebook,” he sighed, and Lily looked at him quizzically. “She’s right, theory #5. Hit the nail on the head with that one.”

“What?” she breathed, hardly understanding a word he was saying to her. “What do you mean?”

“I was born James Charlus Linfred, Prince of the Magical Kingdom of Britain. My parents are King Fleamont and Queen Euphemia. One day, hopefully not for a very long time, I will be the king. And I don’t want,” he winced, scrunching his nose at the words, “I don’t think it would be fair for us to continue with this,” he waved his hand vaguely between them, “without you knowing all the facts so that you can make an... informed decision.”

“James,” Lily answered, the corners of her mouth turning down in a frown, “I appreciate that but, this is just –“

“Don’t say it’s nothing, Lils,” he practically begged, propping himself up on his elbow so their eyes were level. “You know this is something.”

“But we’re only sixteen, and we’ve only gone on a handful of dates, James, it’s far too soon –“

“It’s not. Everyone moves at their own pace, and I just know.” He seemed agitated, and he began running his hands through his hair feverishly. “I know that it’s you and me, Lils, I just do. And it’s okay if you don’t know it yet, but you will some day, and I need you to know the truth about the man that you’re falling in love with before it happens.”

“Love?” she balked, a fierce blush rising on her cheeks and across the bare skin on her chest.

“I don’t mean...” he sighed, trying to slow his thoughts. “I just meant that if you did fall in love with me, and then you found out, you might feel betrayed, lied to, and I don’t want that to happen. I want you to know now, and if you do love me some day, I want you to love me with full knowledge of who I am.”

Lily didn’t have words to answer that, it was so eloquent and so sincere, and she could tell that it was not a conversation he had ever had with another girl, and that it was one he had agonized over for a while. And she loved the words, loved the sentiment behind them, loved that she meant enough to him for him to share his secret. But she wasn’t sure if she loved him yet. Maybe if she was honest with herself, the answer was yes, but the thought scared her. It was too soon to be throwing words like love around. Instead of saying anything, she leaned forward and kissed him, not their usual heated, devouring kiss, but a sweet, tender thing. Her lips moved softly against his, and she tried to convey her undetermined feelings in that action. She thought he understood, because he seemed to relax in her arms, swooning at her touch. They pulled away after a moment, both smiling warmly.

“You can ask me anything, if you want to,” James added after a moment.

“Hmm,” Lily hummed, lying back in the grass with a light laugh, “has anyone ever told your father that he has a ridiculous name?”

“Once or twice,” James chuckled, lying down next to her and reaching for her hand. “I might have even said it myself.”

Lily laughed, high and bright, before serious thoughts returned to interrupt it.

“What does this mean for you, for us?” she asked, hesitantly. In all honesty, Lily wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer to this particular question. “How does this change things?”

“It means that if we continue to see each other, at some point our relationship will become very public,” he answered. “So far I’ve been given as private a life as I could have led so far, but when I graduate, that changes. I’ll have to start fulfilling my obligations, living a more public life. The wizarding world needs to know who I am if I am ever to be accepted as their monarch. If we... if we got married, it would be a spectacle, everyone of importance would be invited. People you don’t even know. Our children would be royalty, and I would strive to give them the same level of privacy that I enjoyed, but there’s always a risk. One wrong step, Lils, and the world would have known exactly who I was. So much went into protecting who I was so that I could have a normal childhood. It was exhausting at times, for myself and for my parents.”

“How did they do it?” Lily asked, suddenly overcome with curiosity. “Keep you hidden in plain sight?”

“The house in Godric’s Hollow, the one you visited over the summer, that’s where I grew up,” he explained. “There’s a direct line in the Floo Network from Whitehall in London to Hollow House. I lived in the Hollow with my nanny, Maylis, mostly apart from my parents. They came to see me or I went to see them nearly every day, but I was still apart from them quite a lot. They had business to attend to in London, or were on state visits, and they couldn’t exactly be seen coming and going from the same house as me. And on important events, or at least just enough to keep reporters from digging too deep into things, they would truss me up and bring me out to be photographed and shown off. Always careful to make sure I looked different enough not to be immediately recognized.”

“I don’t think I could do it,” Lily said, snuggling closer to James. He seemed upset at the thought of his upbringing, as though he wished it had been different, and Lily could understand why.

“I’m not sure I could either,” he answered honestly, “but in truth there’s not much choice. It’s the only way, as far as I see it, to let me grow up and make friends without people knowing right away who I am. And it’s not like they were cold or distant. I always knew they loved me, I always felt loved. I just wasn’t around them as much as most kids.”

“Well, aside from maybe having to rethink the childrearing strategy, I don’t think any of that sounds too awful,” Lily said with a smile, playing with James’ fingers. “It might take some getting used to, but I don’t think being in the public eye is a dealbreaker.”

“Lils, you don’t understand,” James said, shaking his head, “there’re rules to this way of life.”

“So tell me,” she answered, taking his concern very seriously.

“There are rules for what you can wear and who you can socialize with, there are rules for everything,” he sighed. “You wouldn’t be able to have a job – charity work is the most you can do. You wouldn’t be able to be political.”

Lily sucked in a breath. She hadn’t realized that. On some level she should have known. James had always been very careful who he expressed his views in front of, and it was the same way in the Muggle world. It was important that the monarchy remain an impartial component of the government and Lily could understand why. The monarchy would always be the same – same family, probably similar views being handed down. But the government would change constantly, and they still had to be able to work together regardless. It was logical. And yet, Lily had a hard time envisioning a world where she gave up her politics, especially with the turmoil that was spreading through the country.

“War is coming, James, and soon,” she answered, looking at the sky, “I can’t just ignore that. And it would only get worse if we... People like Voldemort, like Sev’s friends, they would only be more infuriated that a Muggle-born was their princess. Do you honestly think they would sit back and let it happen? Do you really think they wouldn’t come for me, for us?”

“We would be safe, Lily, I promise I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you,” he assured her, but Lily only shook her head in agitation.

“It’s not just about safety though,” she persisted, getting frustrated. “James, do you honestly think that I could just sit back while a lunatic and his followers systematically murder people like me, while they murder our friends?”

“No,” he said, his voice sounding heavy. “You have no idea how difficult it is, not to be able to do anything.”

“There must be exceptions,” Lily pressed, determined to find a compromise. “After all, Prince Philip served in the military during World War II, and that was certainly political. It could be like that. Military service against Voldemort.”

“I don’t know, Lils,” he answered, reaching up to run his fingers through his hair again. “I want to believe it’s possible, but I can’t promise that.”

“We’ll make it work,” she replied, surprising herself by meaning both the issue of politics and their relationship.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She snuggled into him again, and was content to close her eyes and breathe in his scent for a moment.

#hp #marauders #jily #james potter #lily evans #royalty au #gen writes #ATtTR

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javis-beretta · 6 years

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Calculus

i’m terrified for my maths exam tomorrow and i desperately need a davey jacobs to love and hold me, so i wrote a thing about that, and also about how annoying my hair is, so sorry if you don’t have a fringe and can’t relate to my pain. enjoy! <3

It felt like you were drowning. Your work, in isolation should not have been overwhelming, but it did not exist in isolation. You were working hard to do well in exams, to get into university, to graduate well, to get a good job and to live happily ever after. That was the plan. And, if you couldn’t do this one thing, if you couldn’t figure out calculus to pass maths, your entire plan would be derailed. You knew, intellectually, that everything did not rest on this moment, but, it certainly felt like it did.

It felt like you had been staring at your textbook for hours, although it probably hadn’t been more than ten minutes. You were near your breaking point – not at it, yet, but getting there soon. Formulae looked like a foreign language and you wanted to sink into a ball and cry, until you had no more tears left, but you could not. This was what you needed to do. You needed to keep the plan intact, in order. You needed to learn this.

You felt as though flicking your fringe out of your face had become a nervous tick. It was always there, just slightly obscuring your field of vision. You flicked it out of your eyes and a few moments later it was there again. Your neck hurt. Your back hurt. Your everything hurt. You needed a break, but you needed to pass calc more. A few years earlier, before you had learnt that having a high reading level in primary school, didn’t mean you would be a genius in high school, you would have cried if you couldn’t get an A. Now, when you woke with the realisation that you were not especially intelligent – that at your sardine-full high school, you were just about average – you would do anything just to pass. It was suffocating, the always wanting to succeed.

You didn’t know when you started crying, the words on the page just gradually began to get a bit blurrier. You were so busy languishing in your self-pity, that you almost didn’t hear the front gate swing shut behind someone.

Had you been expecting guests? No, you were sure you hadn’t, you must have been mishearing. You were sure you were imagining the sound of footsteps, and the sound of your bedroom door creaking open, but you turned to check anyway. There was Davey Jacobs.

He was your best friend, and he fit in your room like the furniture. The two of you spent most days that you weren’t at school together, splitting your time between the Jacobs’ and your place. He looked good, like he always did. His hair was fluffy, and he had a Tupperware in his hands. His face was frozen in a smile, as though he was about to greet you, in the same sweet way that he always did.

He had seen you cry plenty of times: when you finished your favourite book, when your goldfish died, and pretty much every time you forced him to sit though Infinity War with you, even though Captain America was the only superhero that he actually liked. He had seen you cry many times, but he had never seen that look of hopelessness in your eyes.

He was the realist, and you were the dreamer. You pushed him to think beyond theories, and he loved you for it. He loved you for, well, everything about you, really, which was why his heart felt so tight when he saw the dimness in your eyes.

“Hey, Jacobs, what are you doing here?”

Your voice was weak, and wavery and your question fell flat.

“Your mom let me in. I brought brownies. Are you okay?”

You were sure that those sentences were supposed to be separate, but the words rushed out of his mouth in a single string. Davey, ever-eloquent Davey, only spoke like that when he was worried. You started to stand up, but he shook his head and crossed the room, reaching your desk in a few short strides. You cursed his endless legs, and twisted your chair back round, so you were facing away from him, looking at the pages strewn across your desk, again.

“No, no, you don’t have to get up. You wanna talk to me?”

You nodded, you always wanted to talk to him, but the words came out mumbled and teary, this time.

“I just, I need to do well in this, Davey. It feels like the whole world depends on it, and I know it doesn’t but I just. I need to do well, and I can’t do well if I can’t get fucking differentials through my head!”

You raised your voice at the end, and if you had swung around in your chair to look at him, you would have seen him flinch.

“Look, Davey, I love you, but I don’t have time to hang out with you right now. I just, I have to get through this and afterwards I’ll call you and we can talk or, just not talk or, whatever. I just need a moment, right now.”

“Hey, hey, listen,” he cooed the words softly, as though he was speaking to a startled animal. “I don’t need to talk, or anything. Sarah made brownies, and I knew you were nervous for calc tomorrow, so I figured I’d drop some off. Help you with your stress-eating.”

He moved nearer to you, as he spoke, and he put the Tupperware on the desk next to you, and his hands on your shoulders. You tried to turn around, but he gently shushed you, and your eyes started to slip closed as he rubbed your shoulders. How did he always know exactly what you needed?

No, no. You didn’t have time to think about how warm his hands were, even through the fabric of your sweater. You didn’t have time to think about how, if you were standing up, your back would be right against his chest. You didn’t have time to think about how, if this was any other day and any other boy, you could just twist around and kiss him. You had to study for calculus.

You snapped your eyes back open and jerked your shoulders a little, so he dropped his hands. If he could see your face, he would have seen the softness in your eyes.

“Hey, Dave, thanks for the brownies, but you should go. I have to work.”

His lips twisted to the side in the way that they did when he was thinking.

“You know, if you’re gonna call me tonight, anyway, I don’t mind sitting here until you’re done. I’m not writing calc tomorrow, and I can help quiz you if you need it.”

He was so sweet, you didn’t deserve him. Before you could answer, he was already kicking his shoes off and sinking down onto your bed, to the left of your desk.

You swung your head and gave him A Look.

“I’ll be quiet as a mouse, I swear. I’ll read and be here when you need me. Besides, your mom always says that your house is mine, so I’m here. I’ll be here, for you.”

You nodded. He was right. It was comforting, just to have him near. It would always be comforting. That was one of the many effects he had on you. You concentrated on not looking at the way he lay on your bed, as comfortable as if it were his own. If you thought too hard about that, you would be affected in an entirely different way.

You paged through your book and flicked your hair out of your eyes. The words were still blurry. You flicked your hair out of your eyes. You tried to understand what the textbook was saying. You groaned in frustration and flicked their hair out of your eyes.

Without a word, Davey got up and slipped out of the room. You ignored it, you ignored him. He was back a little bit later, with a familiar box in his hands, and he did not return to the bed. He slipped up behind you and, this time, his hands did not move to your shoulders. He put the box down and pulled out a little purple barrette. It was the kind you hadn’t used since you were a little kid, but it was familiar. You think that maybe it was a gift from someone, once upon a time.

Wordlessly, he slipped his hand onto your forehead and swept the hair out of your eyes. He twisted it around his fingers and clipped it back, out of your face. His hand ran down your hair, and rested on your shoulder, right where it met your neck.

“You remember that clip?” he asked, in a low voice that you almost missed.

You shook your head, gently.

“I got it for you for your birthday, when you turned seven. I had no clue what to get, and Sarah picked it out, with a pack of stickers and other stuff. It was your favourite shade of purple.”

It all flooded back to you.

Almost eleven years ago, he had practically buzzed with excitement when you unwrapped it at your birthday party, after all the other kids had gone home. It was your favourite present and the two of you spent the next few hours deciding where each sticker belonged. You had worn that barrette, and the matching set of hairbands that came with it, as often as your mother would allow it. Your fringe had been pesky, even back then.

“It was my favourite present, too,” you replied to him, after a moment, putting your hand on top of his on your shoulder.

The room was silent, and there was a strange kind of tension. You knew, that if you let it hang there for any longer, Davey would clear his throat and pull his warm hand away, and he’d shuffle back to the bed, and hide his rosy cheeks in the pages of a book. You knew you’d still be able to see the redness at the tips of his ears. You had lived this moment, or, at least, moments like it, before. You and Davey had straddled the line between friend and more since you were old enough to know what a crush was. He had kissed other girls, but his mind always orbited back to you. You had dated other boys, but always wished that it was him. It was a strange dance, around a something that you knew you both could feel.

You turned your neck to look at him.

“Remember when Crutchie was still in his wheelchair, and we decorated it with those horrible stickers, as a surprise?”

He laughed, lightly.

“We thought he’d hate it, but he loved it. Made us buy him new stickers when he got his cane.”

You smiled at the memory and rested in the sound of his voice. You put your textbook down and stood up, looking him in his eyes. He gulped, and his pupils widened a little.

“I,” you started, not sure where your words were going. “Was I rude earlier? I’m sorry, I’m just terrified for tomorrow. I hardly know what I’m saying.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I’ve seen you stressed before, I figured you could use a little support, even in the form of baked goods.”

You smiled a small, private grin.

“You didn’t need to come here, I know you’ve got better things to do than watch me study.”

“I’d be sitting at home reading if I wasn’t here. I might as well do the same thing and be there for you. Two birds with one stone, and all that.”

“I,” you swallowed your words. “Thanks, Davey. Most people wouldn’t worry.”

“Hey, I’m not worried. You’ll kick calculus’ butt. I’m just here for moral support.”

He grinned, brightly, but you could see it falter.

“Just moral support?”

“I- Yeah, I guess.”

You thought of your plan, and where Davey would fit in it all. Your future was looming, but you couldn’t imagine growing up without him by your side. You were running out of time to cross the line that you had been straddling, full of fear, forever.

“Davey, I-I gotta tell you something,” your voice was softer than it had been before.

He dipped his head in a nod, and his eyes, dark green and flecked with gold, looked a little unfamiliar.

“I-I’m not saying this, because I’m stressed for calc, I just, I’ve been thinking about how high school is ending and everything else is beginning and I don’t want to face that everything else without you.”

His hand fluttered at his side for a moment, and then grabbed onto yours.

“You won’t have to face anything without me, Y/N. I’ll always be your best friend.”

His voice was gentle and earnest, but you huffed in frustration.

“What if,” you took a deep breath, it was now or never. “What if I want to be more than that?”

His eyes widened, even more, and he looked a little panicked.

“I, I just, I like you, Davey, and I don’t think I’ve ever not liked you and I think I might even lo-“

The words were caught in your throat, as he grabbed your face and kissed you, desperately. You didn’t hesitate to kiss back. For a moment, that was all there was. You and him, alone in the world. The good kind of alone, though. The kind of alone that you wanted to be. Alone with him.

He pulled away after a moment.

“You know, I lied before. Sarah wasn’t just baking. I begged her to help me bake them for you. I had this feeling that you needed me. And brownies.”

You laughed, helplessly delighted, and he dipped his head down to meet your lips with his again, smiling against them. You knew that soon, you would have to get back to calculus and, soon, you would have to think about your future and your plan, and everything that you were uncertain about. But, just then, when you kissed him, and he kissed back, with all that he had, you were sure of one thing: wherever you went and whatever you did, you would have Davey Jacobs by your side. Calculus be damned, you were sure, in that moment, that he was all that you really needed.

#davey jacobs x reader #davey jacobs #newsies x reader #newsies: the musical #newsies fanfiction

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nightcoremoon · 6 years

Text

theological conspiracy theory time

this is assuming that judeochristianity in the eyes of a post-baptist post-evangelical non-catholic non-unitarian modernist-methodist is true so I want jews and muslims to not jump on me because I don't know the first thing about the torah and quran and I want atheists and the "I'm not religious I'm spiritual" types to shut the fuck up for five seconds. please note that I'm a christopaganic unitarian with splashes of native american, buddhist, shinto, & luciferian belief. in fact, this might actually be the basis of some strained of luciferianism but I digress, let's go.

okay so we know that absolute power corrupts absolutely as lord john acton so eloquently put it a few hundred years ago, and writers like george orwell popularized a few decades ago. that much is true. we've all seen it happen. we also know the basics of god & satan, and how they were friends until satan betrayed god and became a fallen angel and blah blah blah ruler of hell blah blah blah appropriating shit from pan the satyr, hades and the underworld, oh yeah and dante aligheri's the divine comedy. [hot damn do christians steal a lot of shit] we also know all the things the bible allegedly call sins, how much of a EGOTISTICAL FUCKING ASSHOLE he was in the old testament, and of course the basics of christian dogma. with that in mind, let's now continue.

what if:

god in the old testament really was an asshole who hated women, the poor, the disabled, and minorities, a bully with a magnifying glass who burns ants for fun, who created this universe out of some sick perverted fantasy to make a race of people and fuck with them, torturing them for his sadistic pleasure. the angels he made to keep things running smoothly in place. they were fucking nightmarish monsters with faces entirely comprised of each component of a chimera, or 30 intersecting gyroscopic rings, or babies covered in pus-filled boils and other weird shit like that. what if he's cthulhu levels of evil and lucifer was like "uh hey god maybe you should quit being an evil motherfucker to these people" and god was just like "fuck you" because as the ultimately powerful being in the observable universe he could very well be the most evil entity as well? after all, we humans were allegedly made in his image and if we're all a bunch of evil assholes who murder and lie to and rape and oppress each other... plus if god made satan and god is infallible and makes no mistakes, that's kind of paradoxical. and in this hypothetical situation (as it is purely 100% hypothetical and does not accurately reflect my full beliefs), satan left god not because he was evil, but because he rejected the evil instead.

expanding on this theory, we all know the dumb religious bullshit being spouted today. gays and trans people will go to hell, people who commit suicide will go to hell, people who don't accept jesus as their savior will go to hell, people who have premarital sex will go to hell, people who don't give enough money to the church will go to hell, women who so much as sneeze inside a church when they aren't given permission to do so will go to hell, yadda yadda yadda. basically hell will be full of people who don't deserve to be there. what if that's true? what if all of the people who can't make it into heaven's narrow field of acceptance do go somewhere else, to the realm of satan... but that's not a bad thing?

what if hell is a pretty cool place that satan made because, like, if god doesn't want the souls of the flesh heaps who didn't become mindless salivating slave golems who just sit and pray for 25 hours a day when they aren't too busy protesting soldier funerals and pride parades, satan could be like. "don't worry, my child, I'll take care of you. I'll take you with me. I'll love you. and if you come over here you'll see that there's plenty of others who are just like you." he'll walk through the afterlife and comb through the ones left behind and denied entrance to heaven and so doomed to walk the land of purgatory for eternity. all of the people born in countries not touched by the plague of missionaries and so would never have even had the opportunity to know god or jesus, all of the children who died tragically before they could be baptized, all of the women who were raped at six years old and abandoned by their family because she was no longer a virgin ready to be sold to a lecherous old bastard for a tidy dowry, all of the non-cishets, everybody who pundits declare unfit for joining their personal heaven, all embraced and accepted and redeemed in the eyes of lucifer.

what if satan quite literally faces god and walks backwards into hell with middle fingers in the air, taking the souls of those god rejects with him? if we turn around and also analyze many demons we see they're really not evil for any reason other than "because they're demons and god says that's evil". prince stolas the owl is just a dude who likes rocks, plants, and stars. meanwhile azrael the angel of death, made up of eyes and tongues and steals the souls of humans god commands him to take? THAT SOUNDS REEEEEALLY FUCKED UP MY DUDE. we know that angels and demons are both counted in legions, let's take this further and suggest that there's a war.

what if god wants to kill satan and then come in and destroy the souls of those he created but no longer wished to exist any more, purging them from existence, a fate an eternity worse than death. what if satan gathers up demons to PROTECT us? what if satan is the last bastion of protection from the greatest evil conceivable by man, the lone rebel against corruption, our true savior? god painting satan as evil through propaganda and lies would make perfect sense to destabilize his power on earth, making shit up as he goes along, generating people or even having angels masquerade as humans to cause things like goat skulls and dead baby fetuses to be associated with him, using fearmomgering to turn more and more people to the side of god rather than that of satan, and utilizing the ultimate form of propaganda, sending a piece of his own soul down pretending to be his son, going through the rigamarole of cricificion to, forgive the phrase, hammer in the final nail? what if jesus was a lie, a farce, used merely to turn yet more potential troops to his side away from satan's glowing, loving embrace?

what if god truly does hate those of us who refuse to conform to the hive mind mentality, and damns us to hell, not realizing that it's the best thing he could possibly do for us? putting all of the "sinners" together under one roof, oh yes, a lot of thought went into that plan.

but I digress.

that's merely what could be truthful. no doubt the theory is so full of holes it could pass as a religion under the moniker of Swisscheeseium because I am no expert on judeochristian faith. but i think it certainly seems like a cool concept to explore in the realms of fiction. definitely not something I'll devote my time to worshipping, however.

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dare2flourish · 2 years

Text

As I find myself close to wrapping up what has taken me 3 years to write.

I really want to go for a stroll with Arne Dekke Eide Næss.

Wikipedia describes him as an inspirational figure within the environmental movement of the late 20th century...a prolific writer on philosophical issues.

As of the late, with COVID and all. I really would love to share a cup of hot chocolate with Arne and just say these things.

Firstly thank you.

Secondly sorry.

I've been a bit angry with your ideas on deep ecology.

I just....

Anyway let me try and explain my thoughts.

Because

To be honest

I wish I could be speaking to you right now.

Really...

Wish I could read your facial expressions when I try to argue

That

Deep ecology is a bit flawed.

Nature is in fact all around us. If we were to trace our heritage as a species...as our geography and physics and other science books teach us...

Then we as an animal species are made of

Stardust (fun fact).

Just as all material, objects or subjects are on our planet earth.

We are all interconnected,

Plant, animal or microbiotic...kingdoms if you will.

Deep ecology is an interesting philosophy none the less

But similarly to all colonial philosophies.

It may have missed an important point.

The question of love. Which the Greeks describe so eloquently.

In English Love is an emotion, right.

Without love as humans we whould live insignificant and complicated lives.

So it is not the laws of physics or biology or chemistry that feed our human need to nurture...our drive our curiosity to explore...

To learn better...

To understand more.

What drives every species or natural organism is quite basic.

Survival.

And I don't mean a Darwinian "nightmare" version of survival.

I mean our abilities as animals, plants and microorganisms to adapt,

To cooperate to depend on each other

To compensate for our weaknesses

Or our lack thereof.

So there is no such thing as deep-ecology

Without Human-ecology.

The idea of fresh-air

The freedom to ramble

To walk

To explore

Is a privilege.

It is not a freedom...

Because fresh air is not free.

Humans are in fact not free.

We have never been free since we started counting the years as BC and AD.

Borders.

Countries.

Are all constructs of territories that belong to no one.

No one deserves to own an army.

No one should need to pay money towards war.

Towards weaponry and defense against...

The fellow human.

So if we believed in the real value of freedom to roam

To walk

To actually guarantee all human beings a sense of

Feeling free...

Of freedom.

Well...

Then we as a human race

we would not consciously agree to funding (collectively) research, knowledge etc in the name of war.

In my view that would be the most honest version of your theory of deep (human) ecology.

One where all public money would be used to fund health care,

Human honest and legal technology.

Free public libraries (thank you Einstein - Alexandria and Timbuktu etc...)

Shelter and housing for all human beings

First.

Then nature...

Then I believe we would all take better care of eachother at a neighbourhood level.

So tusen takk for being the one who left his window open.

I wonder if you ever walked along the plateau of the mountains in Ethiopia.

If so...

Happy Timket from all the Habesha folk out there praying for peace and hoping to return home some day without the pains and aches from decades of forced displacement.

It's testing times so I pray that those with decision making powers are doing the right thing to ensure we don't all have to suffer the effect of social control, physical distancing and the continued spread of COVID.

A pandemic that experts had predicted decades before it happened.

So today is not about science fiction

Today our every day is really

About deep HUMAN ecology.

Surviving and staying in the present.

Not letting fear turn us into animals with no heart.

I really hope the future for my son is brighter than the nightmare that millennials and generations after have had to endure so far.

Takk from Oslo.

#sustainability #socialbusiness #future #selflove #ethicalfashion #recycle #handmade #socialenterprise #fashionforward

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muneerahwrites · 6 years

Text

The Rain in Spain

[I was trying to be clever but there was no actual rain - rain meaning my tears LEL. I want to share contents of the lessons too inshaAllah but this will come slowly and surely. Bc there was really A LOT. This post is dedicated to my unsorted-out feelings – an attempt to rationalize and understand why I felt what I felt and to attempt to move forward with clarity of heart.]

Came back to SG from Granada to find myself plunged into deadlines and unfinished work. Grappling with jet lag, acne, a worn out yet, invigorated soul, and an unsettled mind, I dragged my body to work for the past 4 days trying to refocus and get myself into my comfortable SG work routine.

I haven’t had the time to reflect properly on my Ramadan and then, the 2 weeks Critical Muslim Studies – on what I’ve learnt and about myself. Why was I crying so much everyday? I mean, I cry occasionally but Spain was something else. I felt like I was ALWAYS crying lol. I couldn’t speak without tears bubbling beneath the surface. The garden behind the school became a regular witness to my tears (and on one occasion, the whole class but I’d rather bury that in the depths of my mind.)

I did not fully understand it at that time, but I concluded in Spain that it was probably for four reasons:

1. PMS is real.

2. I came to learn about decolonial theory and largely expected “head-work” about Critical Muslim Studies. Instead, there were discussions about dealing with the metaphysical catastrophe of coloniality, the counter to that being weeping and praying (Fanon), embracing other ways of being (the soul as a way of decolonising) and that I’ve been approaching the Qur’an or my faith (something I hold so dear to and I thought was the anchors of my always changing life) incompletely, maybe even self-indulgently. I realized that I usually leave my soul out the door when I enter “secular” spaces. Of course, I hold on to prayer and du’a but the reminder that the soul is there with your mind and body as a way of understanding and communicating was such as shock to my system. As I realise this, my body was so still but I felt so moved. Therefore, the tears.

3. I felt inadequate. What was I doing in this space? Neither activist, content producer nor scholar, I entered the space positioned as a student, only to be overwhelmed by everyone else. I felt that I was not fit to talk about decolonisation or liberation theologies. What limited struggles have I gone through as compared to everyone else in the space? I shut my mouth, I listen, I took in everyone’s pain. I felt so much guilt that I did not have my own pain (or I thought I didn’t). What have I done in my life? I have nothing to share that is important in this space. Bc of these negative thoughts, I brought up all my weaknesses as excuses not to engage. I am not critical enough, not eloquent enough, my heart beats too fast when speaking in front of many people. Anyway, everyone needed to speak so I shouldn’t, whether inside or outside class. I concluded that I shouldn’t be here. I felt even more guilty because it’s Allah’s will and plan that I was in Granada and I felt that His plan was wrong. I retreated. Therefore, the tears.

4. Another level of inadequacy was from the fact that I was from Singapore. I have nothing to contribute coming from Singapore. Who cares about Singapore anyway? Was I even Singaporean, being away from Singapore for 5 years of early adulthood. What does being Singaporean even mean?? *Existential crisis* Other experiences seemed more valid, more pressing, more outwardly violent. The need for social justice in other parts of the world was more pressing because people are constantly dehumanised and stripped of dignity. What is Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo to Singapore’s ISA and prisons? What is racism and white supremacy in the US and UK/Europe compared to racial politics in Singapore? Was my experience not important? Or was it relegated as unimportant? Did I do this myself or was this another power dynamic that is playing out? I was confused but also, I am not a personality who insists that my voice be heard. (WHY MOO? I need to examine this more?) I was frustrated. Therefore, the tears.

As the classes come to an end plus the long trip back home, I realised that I was crying because of all those reasons and then some. I was mainly crying because I was so uncomfortable. I realised through the classes, my reflections, my interactions with the other participants and with my interaction with Granada as a place, that I am still colonised. It’s not just a theory I use in my research or studies. My self, my being and thoughts are so unchecked and it’s suddenly being called out in Granada. The process of decolonisation of the self, that the summer school was pushing me to do, was/is an extremely uncomfortable one. Therefore, the tears.

Colonial domination is often understood as a historical process that has ended with independence of nation states. It is easy to recognise that there are legacies in our political, education, economic systems but I don’t think I understood the far-reaching creeping fingers of coloniality – it is in the domination of mind, body and spirit. But coloniality didn’t end in 1963, when the British left. It is not just concerns of “unfortunate Third Worlders” and diasporic communities in distant lands, battling corruption and poverty because they lacked the vision and the statecraft of a Lee Kuan Yew. The logics, practices and legacies of colonialism disrupted our local/faith/indigenous epistemologies (ways of seeing, being and understanding), our social orders and norms and forms of knowledge.

Singapore was colonised but emerged as “crown colony”. Someone from Guardian even wrote a whole article about how we “benefited” from colonialism LOL: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jan/04/colonialism-work-singapore-postcolonial-british-empire We’re so good at being a “modern nation-state” with our policies based on race and hierarchies created by meritocracy – but always framed as having the promise or intention of equality. We (or rather, I will say I myself, Idk about other people) just internalised coloniality (the colonial mindset) so much that we became model global citizens. White masks, yellow, brown, black skins. Wanting to be “modern”, to imitate. But as someone who has multiple levels of otherness (global south, woman, muslim, brown, introverted etc), when I imitate, I never feel enough or belonging to anywhere.

Discussions came up about how we should not to compare issues, but to be relative. And that’s when I realised: The logic of coloniality remains the same – whether we are talking about clear individual acts of Islamophobia in the UK or the state control of our asatizah in Singapore. No matter how it is being framed.

So returning back to discomfort in decolonising the self. The solution was not to retreat to the soul or to some pristine, native state of being. I was called to recognise the narrowness of my “broadened” mind: whose standards are you trying to meet? Whose questions are you answering? What are your own questions? What are the standards and values decreed by Allah? Why did I think or feel my personality, skills and socialisation not enough? Why do I think that I could not offer anything when everyone else could (especially those from the West?) How was I reproducing coloniality even in the way I was thinking about myself in relation to others? I was called to take my sensing and knowing beyond dominant ideas of what was natural, true and good.

Also, I don’t think my highly introverted self was ready for how short of a time, intensely close and intimate spaces (physical, mind and heart) I would share with so many diverse women (mostly Muslim WOC from everywhere). Everyone was so loving, embracing, warm, spiritual but at the same time, brave, strong, eloquent, unafraid of their thoughts and femininity, critical and aware of power and power dynamics and so quick to call out BS and violence when they saw it. They are honestly so aspirational and I have so many conversations/advice embedded so deeply in my mind (or heart? Allahu ‘alam). So honoured and grateful to have met every single one. Farid Esack (an absolute legend) advised us: “our interactions with other people are sacred. No matter how you differ, do not pee [desacrilise] on this sacred space.” Jasmin Zine (or was it Amina Teslima?) also read this hadith at the start of class which explains why some souls feel inexplicably drawn to other souls: The Prophet (pbuh) said: "The souls are (like) an army joined (in the world of spirits) whichever souls knew each other (in that world) are attracted towards each other (in this world) and whichever remained distant and indifferent (there) are disinterested to each other (in this world)" (Saheeh al-Bukhaari)

It was truly a blessed group to be around. I regularly got advice and reminders that were so on point and poignant, I wish I had just took out a notebook to write all of it down. One of the ladies shared Audre Lorde’s concept of self-love as a radical act. I found the quote: “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” A few other girls too had a discussion over salty seafood paella haha that self-love requires us to accept our flaws and understand that as Muslim women, Allah is there to forgive us and complete us for anything lacking. Our flaws aren’t meant to be overcome or pushed away, its meant to remind us of our humanity, how everyone is flawed. We can use what we think as “flaws” as strengths. When our life isn’t in alignment or we aren’t what we expect ourselves to be, we shouldn’t blame ourselves. Rather, it is an opportunity to grow and learn, make a change. Listen to yourself, how do you feel. How is your body responding? How is your heart? I need to learn how to cherish my authenticity and forgive the times I forgot my strengths and my power. Rather than treat myself as a blank sheet that can constantly be recreated everyday to be my ‘best self’, I must realise that I have a history, experiences, pains and triumphs that make me complex and valuable, if not to society, then, to God. “Make your voice the clearest and centred in this creative space”, another wise lady told me during the trip.

[Ok I will conclude for now]: Being in St Andrews as someone from “the rest” (from Southeast Asia, Muslim and woman) in a distinctly white space, I never felt fully “integrated”. In a way, I am grateful I didn’t. My sanctuary and solace was being with women of colour after uni and during Fridays. SOAS was interesting for me to dip my feet and see what using post-colonial and decolonial theory looks like in academia. But I think, if I am deciphering my thoughts and feelings correctly, Granada was a proper introduction for me into what a decolonial/liberation/social justice space looked like, it is not only a space for pain to be shared but also one of empowering resistance, love for each other and self-love. It also taught me that decolonising the self as well as histories, faith traditions, etc is going to be a long and uncomfortable process, with a lot of learning, praxis as well as reflection.

what about this theory.

the fear of not being enough,

and the fear of being ‘too much’

are exactly the same fear.

the fear of being you. (@nayyirahwaheed)

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call-me-jennn · 3 years

Text

WHAT ARE THE CHANCES, IS THIS FATE?????????

Also, adding in that his message starts the way my last post ended. I was gonna delete it but that’s so trippyyy.

I immediately FaceTimed him and accused him of reading my blog and trying to bond with me. He hadn’t and he wasn’t. He really coincidentally just watched the movie and loved it. What. Are. The. Chances.

tumblr’s a bit of an outlet for my obsessions because when I get into things I get quite overexcited and rant endlessly and it’s quite embarrassing irl. When someone expresses a common interest with me it’s like opening a floodgate, that poor soul. So I just got so excited and talked on and on about all my thoughts about the movie to him. I kept pausing, saying “am I talking too much?” But he was so nice saying “no, I like your thoughts.” When I got to the part of telling him about how my old feelings betray my logical thoughts, he told me he felt the same. That after watching the movie, he said he felt so soft and texted a girl from his past.

I’m so jealous. I wish I had that kind of brazenness to pull the cold call. You know in my alternate universe daydreams, I regularly wonder how I could or would go about doing something like that. I just don’t have it in me. Nowadays, I have such healthy habits I can’t even count on a bad day to push me to reckless behavior as a coping mechanism. Liquid courage hasn’t helped much either, I’ve tried testing that theory of lowering my inhibitions and it doesn’t make me dumb in the ways I’d hope for unfortunately.

Can I admit something embarrassing? I think this is what I do instead. I write about it here. It’s my way of putting things out to the world. With very very secret but probably apparent hopes that it’ll be read by the right person. Is that awful? It makes me feel like a fraud, like maybe I embellish my words to make myself seem like a deep person when I'm really just a faux intellectual and a coward.

If I’m being honest, I think part of the reason why I haven’t just gone for it is because I’m afraid things won’t live up to the idealization in my head. It’s quite telling that I think about something that has no chance of happening unless I make it happen. It’s not like we’re gonna run into each other. It can’t fail on its own. That way, I can just continue to enjoy the idea of something that won’t happen and also pretend to be hung up as a side benefit for when I get asked why I’m single. I’m a coward.

I don’t just write for that one reason. “You're either born simple, or you’re born… me.” I have all these thoughts all the time. I wish I could turn my brain off. Sometimes it’d be nice not to have a strong opinion about every single thing. It'd be nice to see a movie and just think, oh, it was good. Instead of wanting to analyze every scene and lighting and dialogue. I think that all of this all the time is too much for most people so I try to hold myself back. Should any one person honestly talk about lamp posts as much as I do? But I do wonder if there is anyone who feels the way I do. I want to write something that speaks to someone. Everyone everywhere is so cool and posts the right pictures and walks without tripping over their own feet. I feel out of place all the time. Why is there literally nothing cool about me? I’m not asking this with a hipster, against the current type vibe. I'm really asking. Like why do I trip when I walk (over people, things, even level ground), and why am I so unattractive to the camera (I sent Andrew a bunch of headshots and he asked me what was wrong with my face) and I don’t think I could ever write something as beautiful as the independent romantic post. But I want to write something that speaks to someone. I obsess over movies and quotes because I wish I could say something as deep as the things I feel all the time. “There are things that I sing that I'd never have the confidence to say“ and “if I knew what love was, I would quote myself“. But I’m unsure, so I borrow other people’s feelings and I try to piece things together. It’s lame and a long shot cause I don’t know who’s reading this, but it’s the most eloquent version of me. Maybe someone will read it and feel the same. And maybe he’ll read it and feel the same.

Probable reality scenario though is that he did read everything and his response was the anonymous “I’m rooting for you and Nick the IT guy”. dammit.

PS. I’d been kinda nervous to write this for awhile because I watched an episode of Criminal Minds where a psychopath gets obsessed with people’s blog posts and thinks it’s about him and so he stalks them and says I’m the one who sees you like you wanted, but that’s not what they wanted and so he murders them. I just wanna say, if you are a psychopath and you’re reading this: I’m not talking about you so please don’t stalk or murder me, it’s not what I want. But feel free to like and subscribe.

Quotes: “You're either born simple, or you’re born… me.” - Christina Yang, Grey’s Anatomy, S7:E1 “There are things that I sing that I'd never have the confidence to say“ - Line By Line, JP Saxe “if I knew what love was, I would quote myself“ - Ellie Chu, The Half of It

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mistralrunner · 7 years

Text

Trespasser Liveblog, Part Two: Explosions of more than one variety

In which Menel is tired of everyone attacking instead of talking, and heads off to the library to get his questions answered.

I get the feeling this is not the first time Cassandra or Menel have said something sappy during this whole trek through the Deep Roads cause they haven’t seen each other in a while and between that and the Deep Roads Varric is so done

Kind of feel bad for this Templar dude. Had a conscience, left Meredith, and ended up under another lousy murderous boss

But hey, we get to explode things! I’m far more excited about that than Menel.

It's a shame we can't reference any Descent things, such as deja vu with the shaking earth, the whole lyrium is Titan's blood thing

I have to admire the Qunari for defying the world rule of “only dwarves can mine lyrium” and engineering a new way. The rampant casualties from such an attempt not so much.

"I see you. Do you see me?" I see you've been practicing catchphrases, assassin

Assassin stabs me in the back, I knock her off a cliff

Okay that is a creepy elven song in that journal what did the Creators do to the dwarves

SAAREBAS ABORT ABORT

Actually that wasn't that bad. Yet.

"I wish whoever fights in the name of the old wolf was around to fight when the darkspawn took my clan."

No he's too busy napping and then insulting the people who actually do fight the Blight cause apparently they could have fought it better. Stupid Egg

Can Rhovan adopt the Dalish journal writer please. Pretty sure they're dead like most people we read the journal entries of but still.

I’m just really amused by the dramatic assassin one-liners

"There's so much you don't see"

"You are blind, Inquisitor"

So melodramatic. Admittedly the Qunari can be rather eloquent with imagery despite their stoic reputation.

Bit of an adrenaline rush heee explosions and then running away as everything floods

Aww why do all the good Templars die

Yeah, at this point Teagan really does have a right to be angry especially under my headcanon of an arrangement between the Inquisition and Ferelden cause right now it looks like the Inquisition might be betraying Ferelden

From his pov the Inquisition likely led them on with false promises so they’d be less prepared to fight, and then constructed a new crisis that justifies the continued existence of the Inquisition,

Even if it’s kind of hilarious that he’s reacting so aggressively to the Inquisition troops occupying an Orlesian palace

Duke Cyril possibly isn’t a bad person, although he’s probably using the good cop appearance to win favor cause this is Orlais and Games and maskes, but even if has good intentions we’re not letting the Orlesian empire get augmented with the armies and spies of the Inquisition

Ah right, this is the part with the guard and the servant who are both spies not that Menel knows either of these things

Menel’s internally crying there’s no proper way to do this.

Either action is a poor move politically, unfortunately why can’t we just talk rather than arresting people...ended up detaining the servant cause intuition and the barrels looking familiar after the Deep Roads even though that is probably the worse one politically

Aaah Sera your journal keeps giving me feels

"Not all right! Wait and help. Somehow."

Awww her feelings for Dagna are so sweet

Of course the library level would be past a bookshelf

Time to bring the book club of Cassandra, Varric, and Dorian

Another vanishing guy right in front of me Leliana you're nearby did you see that no she's looking away

Oh hey there's that scar on the sky where the breach was

Once more through the eluvian!

Time to get distracted by books

Oooh Xebenkeck reference.

So they were banished? I guess it makes sense given they’re ancient so they would have been around during the time of Artlathan.

I wonder if Forbidden Ones are the same as the Forgotten Ones? I still prefer my Forgotten Ones are the Old Gods theory.

All these memories are so vivid there’s a chance Menel was close to crying. He might have received knowledge from the Well but even the memories of countless priests probably only captures a slim fragment of a vast civilization.

Rkejrkrkttkrkejrjtjrn

Enchantment!!!!!

Sandal’s journal is the best.

*goes to enchant things*

I’m worried about Sandal now. Yes, every time I’ve found him he’s been surrounded by a room of dead bodies but the camp is presumably abandoned and there are Qunari around please be okay.

Menel you failed in your duties as protagonist by not finding Sandal in a room filled with corpses

I’m so glad the archivist spirit calls Menel “Honored elvhen” so much better than Abelas but then again that makes sense given the spirit is one of learning and exchange

All the knowledge????

Eeeeeee

Menel is just nerding out with all this knowledgeeeee we still have a mission you know

"I have not thought with myself for some time" is such an amusing line. Well, amusing out of the tragic context.

Hey look at that fresco in the distance isn't the artistic style familiar *cough*

Dorian notes the anchor is flaring up near elven magic and Menel notes it doesn’t happen when he casts cause that is also technically elven magic. Just not ancient elven magic.

Ugh it’s so obvious in retrospect this maze of eluvians is a trap with these energy channelers there to make things worse. Plus if you were to try to slow down/trap Menel an ancient elven library is the perfect place.

Menel's just like wait what the Beyond was part of the waking world and Fen’Harel created the Veil itself what this aligns with the stories of Fen'Harel sealing away our gods but how does this work with tales of the Beyond

Come on I'm pretty sure Menel at least suspects Solas given these frescos and how he talked about the Fade

Love people being worried about Menel

Haha Dorian wanting to reverse engineer eluvians and Varric is just like, not again

Seriously though, Merrill needs to know about all this.

Excuse me the Dalish canonically read ancient elven, especially a Keeper in training like Menel was. Ugh, Bioware.

Librarians are terrifying. I really wish we didn’t have to fight them though.

The librarians throw spiders on you? Poor Menel

ACTUAL FEARLINGS BAD DAY

Again I can barely translate the elvish and that makes me sad

Menel is falling unconscious so much this is a scary fight

I did the whole end of the library section going into the climax but then realized I hadn’t found the Taken Shape and thus reloaded and ran about finding all the other eluvians cause I didn’t want to do all the side things once things got really serious cause that would disrupt the narrative flow

There's another halla statuette but in the Crossroads and with a map whyyyy I thought we were done with these statuettes

The Deep Roads caverns being flooded is kind of cool. Not surprised Varric says he can’t swim, swimming in any waters around Kirkwall sounds like a terrible idea.

Well, that giant mural of a shattered Titan sure isn’t disturbing.

I really hope Valta and Menel can still remain friends cause Valta is awesome but honestly her “I would never hurt you” line was just jinxing it and now I have further evidence cause if the Titans want vengeance we’re in trouble.

Love how Hawke a while back mentioned she’s not sure she can help unless we’re facing a horde of rampaging Qunari and of course we face one after Hawke leaves

And it’s fitting that the game begins with Menel surviving an explosion and ends with him stopping one. Good bookends.

I can’t believe that veilfire rune on the floor released a fear demon and actual giant spiders Menel is having a very bad day

Anyway, climax next time cause that was exhausting

#running plays trespasser #Menel Lavellan

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