#iam so depressed :)

[achilleslyre]

gojo dying might single handedly bring me out of this depressive episode i’m not even joking i have been experiencing so much joy since i woke up and saw the leaks

#i’ve been in this depressive episode for like two weeks now but iam so good right now #sorry to my mourning jjkutuals but #everytime i see another post about it i start giggling #i’ve been praying on this for months #jjk spoilers #jitter bugs u

[sampilled]

dress i ordered for my uncles wedding didnt fit, might kill myself

#tw ed #<to be safe ig. vent in tags #ohhhhhhhhhhhhh #im so upset about this i could actually cryyyyyyyyy #i have ruined my body #and now i just have to fix it on my own as well #trying to improve my relationship with food and get better from BED #at home #with only youtube videos and tiktok dieticians to help #i might actually kill myself #ive been trying so hard to be positive about this but idk if i can keep it up :| #i tried to talk to MORE THAN ONE mental health professional about it but they all shut me down cuz they were clearly uncomfortable with it #which... whatever im a big girl but why become a therapist if you cant deal with such a common issue WHATEVER #i am eating healthier and im more active than ive been since i was like 13 and its showing #just very slowly #which is good cuz fast weight loss doesnt last and im trying to like meaningfully change and stuff #butttttttttttttt iam going to be fat for the next 2 years at least #and thats with no setbacks and it just feels like :( like sad face emoji #i am going to be fat at my uncles wedding that i DONT want to go to i dont have anyone to bring as my plus one #and i hateeeeee my cousins and im DEPRESSED #but i dont wanna take antidepressants and i WONT #and i feel sick and anxious all the time and ive lost 40lbs but im still FATTTTT #because i fucked myself #i literally used to eat til i threw up #5000 calorie binges every other day and it has lowkey ruined my body fr #not jsut in looks like yea im over weight but in so many other ways too #it wrecked my confidence and im still young enough that my health is mostly fine i just know everything would #easier if i had never done it #and then tried stupid shit to UNDO it like brotherrrrrr yoyo dieting is NOT the move #starving yourself for days then binging is not the moveeeeeee

[babufactory]

.

#man love to be an annoying ass :)) truly wondering why people do not hate me everytime when I open my mouth lol #wish i could just shut up forever lol sjsks and not exist aaa (dont worry its not suicidal thought or such of kind) #just bet i am truly being the pain in the ass to deal with ha.. #i am fine #i hate how iam mindset wise worst with anti depression pills than without them #i guess one bonus thing is from that i can do some work finally in these five months yey #lol #yey indeed #anyway dont wanna bother my friend but dont wanma cry hours with overthinking and fake scenarios in my head #so putting it here for a moment and then i will delete it

[pepprs]

i wish i’d kept pushing the point (<- vagueposting). im so tired i’m hitting a wall. but why is the answer to feeling bottomlessly lonely just to love myself and be loved by myself? isn’t that only more loneliness?

#purrs #i know being by myself is not aloneness. but like seriously are you actually serious that there is no one coming to save me? that I have to #walk around with this giant gaping wound forever and no one will be able yo close it? i need total nurturance and comfort badly and to have #any less than total is.. well i don’t want to say it’s as bad as having none at all because obviously it’s not true. but it’s still bad. it #makes it harder to ask for more when you already have some and have reached the limit of what you can ask for. i just feel bottomlessly #lonely. i know things will get better. but what i really need is a long hug and a good cry in someone’s arms. not isolating myself in a #cabin for a week (though i know i desperately need that too). like we’re human beings and we can do that for each other so why don’t we? why #can’t we fix each other? why can’t we be nurturing like that and fill the voids for people who have them. and i know it’s rich coming from m #me bc iam skittish like a horse around emotions and also that it’s pitifully expected from me bc i am reading too much into normal experien #nces most people have. but how am i supposed to just accept that i didn’t get the love i needed (even if im romanticizing m*therlove lmao) a #and then move on as if that’s fine? how can i just snap my fingers and be an autonomous adult when ive spent years accruing psychological #damage with the most limited kind of cushioning? when every second brings with it a potential jab to my River of Pain nerve? idk. #i was deeply violently depressed abt this stuff earlier this week but tonight im just quietly sad. i want the stability and certainty of #(unconditional) love. i want my whole future safe and warm and now or at least the ability to trust it will exist which is also called hope. #i don’t want to be alone and wretched anymore.

[transylvanianfamilies]

starting to think that my recent Insane mood swings have been because ive been taking my meds on and off . whowoulve imagined this could happen

#im always like well theyhave no effect im just always feeling the same and numb . and then i dont take them and act surprised when my mood #changes from suicidal to euphoric to homicidal in the span of 2 hours and is left someqhere between angry and incredibly depressed #iam so silly.. #𖦹

[nomnomonom]

hello tumblr

#iam so tired #new account #edtblr #adventure time #depression is a hell of a drug #hello it's me

[kiwi-channn]

In your warmth

Simon Riley × fem reader

∆ Simon almost died in a mission and he comes back home depressed and reader comforts him ∆

(reader referred to as "she")

~~~~~~~🌸🌸🌸~~~~~~~~~

She feels him entering the bedroom... And he sits on the floor beside the bed... Looking at her calm sleeping face... And she Opens her eyes a bit and sees him... He is still wearing his balaclava... She can only see his dark eyes in this dark room... His eyes full of depression.. and looks exhausted...

"Babe?... You are back..." Says quietly as she moves a bit to get up..

but he holds her shoulder to stop her from moving... And she feels confused.. then she just stays still.. laying on her side... Looking at him...

"What is wrong?... Why are you not saying anything... Simon?..." Whispers softly as she feels her heart aching... She knows that there's a problem

.. he always become so silent when there's something serious going on in his head...

"Simon !.. please.. talk .... Tell me... Did something happen?..." Says quietly as she gets more worried...

He finally speaks.. his voice barely out...

"I am sorry... We should break up..."

Her eyes go wide... Her heart stopping for a moment... And she frowns sadly...

"What?... What happened?... Why are you saying that all of a sudden?... I don't understand... Did I do something?.." she mumbles nervously as she doesn't understand what happened...

"No.. you didn't do anything... It's me... Iam ...I..."

"You what?.. talk to me... But Don't do this... Don't... Simon..." Says quietly as she extends her hand and touches his cheek over his balaclava... Her eyes looking deep into his...

He sighs tiredly...and looks down... Avoiding her gaze...

"Iam no good... I don't deserve you... You deserve better..."

She warms up to him... And she looks lovingly at him...

"Why are you saying that?.. Simon... You are the best thing in my life... Dating you is the best... Don't leave me... Don't you love me anymore?..."

His jaw clenches... His hand trembling a bit... And she moves a bit.... Then she softly and slowly takes off his balaclava over his head.. her eyes full of warmth... The warmth he knows well... The love she gives him is unlike anything he felt before...

She puts the balaclava on the bed beside her... and looks carefully at his features ... Then she cups his face gently... And she moves closer to him little by little.. she closes her eyes and pecks softly on his lips... He closes his eyes and feels her soft lips on his... His frustrated heart settling down to her warmth ...

"I love you..." She whispers so quietly against his lips...

He feels overwhelmed with emotions... And he carefully brings her closer... Wrapping his strong arms around her upper body... His cheek pressing against her own cheek.. and she holds onto his shoulders softly.. their eyes closed as they just feel the warmth of each other... If he can, he will keep her inside his heart.. just to always feel her..

"I love you too.."

#simon riley #simon ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x fem reader #simon riley x female reader #simon riley x you #ghost x reader #ghost cod #ghost #call of duty #cod #cute #angst with a happy ending #lieutenant riley

[chansfavouritechild]

Straykids 9th member

Word count: 0,516K

pairing: skz x 9th member f!reader

warnings: depression,pills, drugs, mental illness,angst, if you are struggling with those kind of things please don’t read this ff (Iam always there to talk abt it<3)

Genre: sad

Summary: How straykids would react when they find out that sarang are depressed for 3 years and take anti depressants(pills)

How they would react when they find out you take anti-depressant pills

All of you nine were at the dinner table and ate dinner.

Every member had a hard day, so Lee know and Chan decided to eat dinner together in your dorm.

 Lee know cooked and you helped him a bit. 

At dinner Felix and Seungmin made fun about Chan's age and everybody was laughing, yeah everyone except Sarang. Then suddenly, her phone started to ring. 

You thought it was a call, but It wasn’t.

 It were the timer for your pills. They helped you to stay motivated and keep going. 

Your doctor gave them to you with a note:” only max a half per day”. 

As every day, you took a glass of water and drunk it with your pill. 

It were like every time. 

The members asked what that was, you always tell them it is a vitamin. 

You didn’t even feel guilty for lying to them because it is the best for them, you  don’t want them to worry about you.

Sarang finished dinner and go to her room. 

While standing up, her pills fall out of her pocket and she didn’t notice.

 Bangchan who sat next to you picked them up. 

Yeah, obviously he trusts you like the other members but with those pills…. It was a bit strange cause every time they got in the near of those you got nervous.

 One little look wouldn’t be that bad, he thought he had them In his hand and was very confused. 

He read it again and again and stare at it. 

Thousands of questions in his Head: Why does she take those pills? Aren’t they drugs? Where did she have them from? Does she have depressions? Why did I not know about this? Does the other members know this? Since when does she take them? Because of what is she depressed?… Not only that, but he was about to cry, all the members stopped talking and Felix asked Chan what were wrong.

Without saying something, he showed the pills to Felix. 

Changbin and Hyunjin asked directly for them. 

Felix were too shocked to speak. 

So Lee Know took the Packet, he was so frustrated at that moment. 

“What is wrong?” Han shouted, Lee know showed the bottle, so everybody could see it. Bangchan were already trembling. Seungmin told everybody to stay calm.

 I.N where so sad, he said” how can we stay calm when our Nona try’s to kill herself”. Changbin said that Felix should go to Sarang with Bangchan to asked her about it. 

Hyunjin would love to talk to her, but he understood Changbin because Sarang just trust the Aussies the most

Part 2?

bye

#9th member of stray kids #straykids #9th member #skz ot8 #9th member of skz #ot8 x reader #love you guys

[sadlylamalive]

Iam so depressed. The attack on Charles is unbelievable. Iam starting to dread the gp week because everybody is just waiting for Charles to make a mistake to start bashing him. It was Ferrari's decision to let go of Carlos, why does Charles has to pay the price!!!!!? beside everybody is acting like Charles is p20 constantly or something when he hasn't finished outside of points for the last i don't know how many races. Iam also mad at Ferrari because they build a good car but it's not suited to Charles driving style, while it suits Carlos better. Mean Carlos won what do they want from Charles?!!!just leave him alone, bullies!!! Iam just too depressed to function. But i love Charles and i will always support him and he's a world Champion.

#charles leclerc #ferrari #formula 1 #carlos sainz

[blaster-fagot]

Hello and welcome to my account

My name is benji or davi i don't really care and i am finally makeing a pined post after haveing this blog for almost a year. iam a minor who is extremely neodivergence i have HDHD depression anxiety dysgraphia and pica iam a satanist so if that makes you uncomfortable feel free to block and unfollow ^^

Some of my interests include

Doctor who

Steam powered giraffe

Hazbin hotel

My other accounts are

Editing blog @timepetals-edits

Selfshiping blog @self-shiping-heaven

My random side blog @p0werdbys0da

DMS are open idk what else to put hear with out reaching the over sharing line

BLINKYS at the top were made by my amazing friend @shoyakirimo go follow them ^^

Old pind

#intro post #introduction #blog intro #introductory post #pined post #pinned #pinned post #pinned intro #pinned info #new pinned #new pin post #introvert #steam powered giraffe #doctor who #hazbin hotel #fnaf movie

[confesspinkfloyd]

This is embaressing, but i'll say It. I have like a really fucked up depression ans I tried suicide a couple of times and I creste scenario in my Head that after my attempt , like,Syd Barrett would talk tô me and say that ebrything would be alrigth . I imagine Syd Barret like, talking to me, and I open up to him and he Just Hug me and let me cry and cares. I like to make scenarios in my head that i met him othrr pink Floyd members and they Just care about me. Is so fucking embaressing becuse I try to make scenarios in my Head that iam special and Beutiful and cool and the people I admire think iam smart and inteligent , and they Just care, like really cares. I think Syd would understand me.

#syd barrett #pink floyd

[gatekeeper-watchman]

Daily Devotionals for April 17, 2024 

Proverbs: God's Wisdom for Daily Living

Devotional Scripture:

Proverbs 14:20-21(KJV): 20 The poor are hated even by their neighbors, but the rich have many friends. 21 He that despiseth his neighbor sinneth: but he that hath mercy on the poor, happy is he.

Thought for the Day

Verse 20 — The fact that the poor are hated even by their neighbors explains why there is often so much violence in poor neighborhoods. The Bible calls poverty a curse. It breeds many problems, such as filth and sickness. In many areas, the poor do not have access to healthy foods, and their poor nutrition results in poor health. It is demoralizing to live in a poverty-stricken region. Poverty crushes any hope for improvement. Depressed people stop trying to better themselves. This breeds irresponsibility, which becomes a hotbed for rebellion. In some cases, the poverty is so extreme that total exhaustion and starvation strip the people of any desire or hope for life. The only way to break the cycle of poverty is to bring the gospel to the poor and support those ministries that will bring the needed provisions to those who lack them. We can be redeemed from poverty and anything else that misrepresents God to the world. God blesses His people when they follow and obey Him (Deuteronomy 28:1-6).

We cannot keep God's commandments by ourselves; we can only keep them by enabling the Holy Spirit. If we rebel and go our own way, the law of sowing and reaping will bring a curse upon us. Poverty is a part of that curse. Money is not the answer to poverty, since it only takes care of the surface problems. As the American government has discovered; throwing money at the issue through welfare programs only compounds it. Money never solves the root problems of hatred, violence, irresponsibility, or fear. Only a change of heart that comes from knowing Christ can accomplish that. When hearts are not changed, the curse continues (Deuteronomy 28:15-20).

Verse 21 - The rich man has many friends; but love for his money and what it can obtain for them, is at the heart of many of these friendships. The rich man's money can also make him proud, causing him to sin against God, his fellow man, and himself. Christ owns the earth and the entire universe. He gave up His position of supreme power and wealth and became poor to save us, that we might become rich in His blessings (2 Corinthians 8:9). Those who are merciful to the poor are happy and blessed, for they follow in the steps of Jesus Himself.

Prayer Devotional for the Day Dear heavenly Father, I am so grateful that I know You. You have blessed me greatly, and I am thankful for that goodness toward me. Father, strengthen me to walk in obedience to Your commandments daily. Lord, help me also to be sensitive to the needs of others. I desire to be a giver and reach out and help those who are poor. Help me not to ever demean or look down on those who are less fortunate than I am, but rather let me lift them and give them hope and encouragement. Help me to trust You for daily provision and to give of those things that I do have. I can always share a smile, encouragement, faith, love, and prayers with others. I ask this in the name of Jesus. Amen. From: Steven P. Miller@ParkermillerQ,  gatekeeperwatchman.org Founder of Gatekeeper-Watchman International Groups, Tuesday, April 16, 2024, Jacksonville, Florida., USA.  X ... @ParkermillerQ #GWIG, #GWIN, #GWINGO, #Ephraim1, #IAM, #Sparkermiller, #Eldermiller1981 GROUP: https://www.facebook.com/groups/Sparkermiller.JAX.FL.USA

[girlwithfish]

ive been suffering for so long and i feel crushing guilt.for not being able to help myself or get help sooner. i want to die bc im 22 and im more a mess than ive ever been. guess its bc im too crazy to be in a relationship mayne id be fine if i was alone but i probably wouldnt bc im just a depressed person overall ive never been fine for like a while which sucks but isnt that normal IDK lol ive been self harming a lot ive been not sleeping good or eating great or feeling good ive been splitting severely and havjng really bad episodes that im too ashamed to talk about and i dont know what to think of all these bad thjngs ive done does that.make me a bad person. am i a bad person for not getting proper mental health care. am i a bad person for being a burden to all the ppl who habe been affected by me. am i a bad person for acting out bc of mental illness. overall i just feel like a bad person a horrible failure i havent progressed in life im unhappy im unstable i cant see any good in who iam or myself i just feel like i am unworthy and im inadequate and undeserving and im bad and im failing in every possible way

[kiwi-channn]

Scared to love

John price × fem reader (nurse)

∆ reader has trust issues and doesn't admit her feelings ∆

(reader referred to as "she")

.........🪻🪻🪻..........

She doesn't understand that man at all... With his weird mustache...and the hat he rarely removes...

She has been a nurse in the military for two years... And since she started working with 141 task force... She started feeling more and more upset by every passing day... All because of this man... John price... She sometimes feels that he is so nice to her... Treating her specially... She hates it...

She thought working in the military will get her away from romantic feelings... But she was wrong...

Since he stopped a few soldiers from pestering her .. she can't stop looking at him since then... She can't get him out of her head... His warm blue eyes.. his kind smile (she really thinks it's so cute) ... The way he always smokes his cigars... looking dangerous The way he always covers his head with that hat .. and how he gets angry when he loses his hat or one of his cigars ... The way he talks.. the way he looks at her... The way he asks her if she wants anything at the end of his work... the way he checks on her every now and then during the day ... She hates it...

~I don't know if Iam ready for love again... I mean the last two times I tried, it didn't work out at all... Every time iam left... With a feeling of being unwanted at all... I don't believe that anyonr can love me ... No matter how good iam.. no matter how hard I try... It never keeps anyone... I don't wanna even think about being with someone anymore... I just wanna stay safe ... I wanna protect my heart... Yeah.. sometimes I feel so lonely... So lonely to even eat my meals...~

~But when he talks so nicely to me... When he do small good things to me, like defending me when someone annoyes me.. or help me feel better when iam depressed... encouraging me when iam feeling down.... Those little things push me through my day... Make my heart warm... It make me feel alive... But Iam scared... I don't wanna be hurt... I don't wanna feel the same way I felt before.. I don't wanna be someone's second option again...~

~He is just a man like all men... At the end of the day, he will do the same thing.. he will just abondon me little by little... He will just break my heart ...~

~Iam never gonna fall for this again.. iam not gonna fall for a man just treating me softly... I won't fall again for a man's lies... I will never believe him... Nor trust him...Never...~

She won't give up to her feelings and thoughts ever....

#john price x reader #captain price x reader #price x reader #captain john price x you #john price x female reader #john price #captain price #call of duty #price #captain john price #angst #trust issues #romance #romantic

[destinyc1020]

Omg they look soo happppyyy ilvthat for them 😍🥹 and i loveeee party animal zendaya (: i want to see her moreee like that go out and have fun with people and iam sure tom like that 😏🤭😉iam not a greedy person but iwant more videos of them clubbing and enjoying their life it give happiness ❤️💃🏻

They do look happy.... I'm so happy for them. 🥰

BTW, smthg you mentioned Anon made me want to clarify smthg.....

Idk why ppl have this idea that Zendaya never parties. Ummm hello, she throws her Thanksgiving/Friendsgiving party every year at her house. Her family is huge and loud lol 😆

She also had a HUGE surprise 25th birthday party last year at a mansion.

She went to Beyoncé's New Year's Eve party a while back and there were tons of pictures.

Like, idk why some of you all think this girl lives in a closet with no social life. I also don't know why some fans feel that Zendaya needs to live some wild, party girl, getting-drunk-every-weekend lifestyle in order to be a "fun" person. 🙄😒

You don't have to be either extreme you know. You CAN be someone who's just in the middle.

She's just an introvert who appreciates small groups/quiet time and doesn't drink alcohol, but it doesn't mean she's anti-fun or is a boring person to be around.

I see this same underlying sentiment all the time in my inbox.....🥴

"Z should go out to clubs and hang with girls more"

"Z needs to get out of the house more"

"Tom needs a woman who's a party-goer like himself..... he's gonna get bored of Z" 🙄🙄

Why???? Why does she need to do any of this? If she's HAPPY with what she's doing, and her friends don't mind her the way she is, why do YOU care? 🥴 Her friends and her bf love her JUST the way she is.

I feel like sometimes extroverted people try to force introverted people into being carbon copies of themselves instead of just realizing that people are different, and as long as that person is happy and well-adjusted, they don't "need" to be forced to go out if they don't want to just because you want them to.

Let people live, my goodness. 🤦🏾‍♀️

This girl has an insanely busy schedule, to the point where I don't even know how she manages it with sanity, and so if she wants quiet time with her bf, or family, or personal assistant, then she should be allowed to have that and just BE... without judgment.

Let women BE. 🙏🏾

As long as she's happy and not depressed, she can do whatever she wants as far as I'm concerned.

Tom probably appreciates the fact that she's DIFFERENT from him, because she probably keeps him grounded and less impulsive. She keeps him sane and level-headed.

Meanwhile, Zendaya probably appreciates the fact that Tom is DIFFERENT from her because he probably brings out her more unpredictable, spontaneous side, and he probably encourages her not to over-think things as much as she does.

If you ask me, they actually compliment each other VERY well. ❤

Jmho 🤷🏾‍♀️

#sorry for the dissertation #I'm just sick and tired of people not just letting this woman BE

[k--havok]

@starlit-hopes-and-dreams suggested I share my cat-related horror stories that have scarred me for years to the point that, to this day, I refuse to own a cat.

I have 2 stories, one a little longer than the other.

TW: My stories contain the neglect of cats (and a beta fish), so if you're sensitive to that... I suggest not reading further.

--

Story 1

As I mentioned before, I am very sensitive to "cat smell" which is what I have dubbed the ammonia-like stench that seems to permeate most houses and people who have cats. I'm so sensitive to it I can smell it whenever one of my local pet stores has a "caturday"

A person who I was friends with at the time dragged me to one of these caturdays one a day we were planning on hanging out due to her dad randomly deciding they could get a cat.

There was no prep for the house to get a cat. They already owned two senior dogs, one of which was blind, who did not grow up with cats and were never really around cats.

I took her to the pet store after she got some cash from her house and helped her buy all the supplies for said cat... and then she had to actually pick out a cat. She eventually picked up a tabby who did not like being put in the cardboard carrier. Driving her and the cat home nearly gave me a heart attack I am pretty sure. Especially sine I am very protective regarding my car and did not want the cat to bust out and possibly hurt itself, us, and my seats. There was also the cat-smell. Which stayed in the car for several days after this trip. Eesh.

Anyways, after that kerfuffle I let her get settled with her new pet... feeling a bit worried for the cat. This girl was well-known to forget to feed her beta fish for weeks on end. Why her parents decided she could get a cat... I do not know.

This cat made multiple escape attempts, which was not hard as they had a doggy door for the two senior dogs.

As bad as the cat escaping was, its litter box conditions were bad. See, she did not clean it all the time (even tho she promised her parents she would) and they made her move it out of the laundry room (which kinda makes sense for a litter box) into her carpeted room. Next to her bed.

I visited her one night and her room stank. I could barely breathe. Not only that but litter was everywhere. In the carpet. On the TV stand. Even in the bed. I decided to go sleep on the couch as I could not stand how nasty everything was. And when I got home I washed my clothes and took the longest shower I could. My clothes were permeated with cat-smell and I had to wash them twice to get it out.

I fell out of friendship with this person due to how... childish she was. When all this was taking place, she was like. 22 years old. Her disposition really affected our friendship and it had to end. I don't know what happened to the cat but I do hope it was ok. Despite the gross litter box, and it escaping twice, it wasn't in any danger. It was chunky, the dogs ignored it, and the parents seemed to be keeping an eye on it.

I will note, before I go to the next story, one other incident. She kept buying like... Iams or purina or whatever. And listen, I don't know much about cat food, but I do know dog food and what shitty dog food looks like. And it was shitty cat food I'm pretty sure. Well the cat kept getting sick so she took it to the vet and long story short she had to change to a different food that actually had nutrients in it. And she bitched about how the new food cost more. She bitched about this constantly.

And she was not destitute! She worked a full-time job and the majority of her budget was spent on fast food daily and clothes. She did buy the new food but boy she would not shut up about how much she did not want to. Like... girl having to pay for a pet is like. Pet Owning 101.

Anyways.

Story 2

This one is a little... sadder. I had a friend who had two cats that he got to help with his depression and to make his apartment feel less lonely when he was kicked out of his parent's house. And in the beginning years the cats were very well taken care of.

But then the pandemic hit. Personal life and mental illness hit him. And his life was not the same.

His now-wife's grandfather passed away suddenly and he had to help her and her family drive across the country to attend the funeral. Her parents are very cheap and did not want to get plane tickets, even tho the drive would be over 20 hours. On top of that, his wife cannot drive, so he also went to make sure they got up there safe and could switch around drivers since they were going to drive straight up there with no overnight stops.

They would be gone for at least a week, maybe more, so he asked me and my partner to watch the cats for him. I went in the evenings and my partner went in the mornings.

Now the last I saw this apartment it was a little messy but nothing worse for wear. When I entered after years of not visiting due to the pandemic... holy hell. The cat-smell hit me before I even opened the door. I could smell it standing on the other side.

And... god. It was a hoard home. That could not be denied. Things were everywhere. Rotting food in the kitchen. Clothes and trash piled up in corners and all over the floor. And worse, the floor was carpet.

He, like my friend in story 1, kept the litter box on carpet. Except this litter box was an open one with no cover. And the cats were not the most well behaved and liked to kick the litter out. Litter was all over the floor. And so was poop. Cat turds were everywhere, some just sitting there, some smushed into the carpet. And speaking of the carpet... he fed the cats both wet and dry food. The wet food he did not put in a bowl. He just peeled back the little containers and set them on the carpet. And the cats would knock over the containers, the wet food spilling out, and would smush it into the carpet as well as they ate it. The entire carpet was brown rather than beige and crusty as well.

The dry food went into a flat, oval-shaped dish. When I first went to feed them, I picked up the dish and looked for a trashcan to dump out the old food. Well my friend left his trash can full. And he had no trash bags. So I had to go get trashbags. And when I did go to dump out the old food... only part of it came out. Half of the food was completely crusted to the bottom. I went to find a papertowel to scoop it out. No paper towels. So another trip to the store.

I could not get the food out. It was crusted so badly that it would need to be deep cleaned. But... I think ya'll get the picture. No dish soap.

Now, another part of this story is how skittish these cats were. They would flee like cockroaches as soon as I entered the apartment. So I decided to Pavlov' them. They came whenever I shook their treat can, so I made an effort to give them treats whenever I first entered the apartment, whenever they came up to me willingly, and whenever I left. The first cat only took 2 days to catch on. She'd be meowing at the door for treats as soon as she heard me unlocking the door. The second took almost all week, but by the end of it, I could pet both of them and have them come up to me sans-treats.

Now the second cat, when he finally came up to me, I realized he had some matted fur. Both these cats were long-haired. And his matted fur was around the neck area. I looked for a brush and... okay, yeah ya'll know what is coming next.

Well, I fed him treats, and using my fingers, I did my best to gently brush out his fur. I couldn't get the entire knot out, but I did manage to smooth his fur out somewhat.

When my friend got back, I gave him an earful about brushing the cats fur. He said the male cat did not like his fur being brushed. I told him to buckle up butter cup cause it still needs to be done even if the cat did not like it. He had no answer regarding the full litter box he left me and my partner nor the food crust or anything else. His now-wife agreed with me on the state of the apartment and said she'd been bugging him about everything but... yeesh.

Well, he moved from there and I briefly visited his new place. In the new place, the cats are only allowed in one of the bedrooms. Altho he had only lived there for a month, the cat-smell punched me yet again.

There was no poop in the carpet, but there was litter and wet cat food already starting to crust.

Besides the fur and gross living conditions, the cats seemed fine. Claws weren't overgrown, healthy weight, normal behavior (even tho they were skittish).

I did not really know what to do in such a situation. I just let him know how I felt and chewed him out. He said he would start cleaning out their bowls better, claimed he cleaned the litter box every other day (lies but I don't own cats... and maybe his do poop that much....), and promised to start brushing out their fur. He really does love his cats, but I also know he is not taking care of them, or himself, as well as he should. As gross as the living situation was, he was also living in that mess too. But its still incredibly sad. I thought about calling animal control or some society to take a look at the situation, but sadly, there are already too many animals out there in foster homes. And besides the living conditions, the cats were fine. Up to date on all shots and everything. Unless they were physically being harmed or had signs of neglect minus some knotted fur (like being underweight or had wounds), I figured not much would be done.

Either way, I did what I could. I avoid this friend a lot now. And furthermore, the second situation is what scarred me. I cannot overstate how disgusted I was. To this day, I do not own a cat. And I cannot see myself owning one anytime in the near future either.

#shutuplanx #about me #anti cats #but not really #tw cat neglect #long post