#idk maybe i just dont get it im white as fuck

[fictionfixations]

all the sad tales

penacony + aventurine spoilers

the wiki probably contains this but for my own sake i need to keep this somewhere.

(it'll be in bold. what im not sure on will not be in bold)

(The murmurs near your ears grow louder, more booming. You can even see another ████ ████████. Let's hope you can hold on until the moment you step onto the stage of the amusement park.)

(whited out parts are parts i cant decipher yay)

im going to try my hardest not to miss anything because i really like aventurine and i want to take my time with this. but i also sometimes have a really short attention span or get too immersed in something that i forget everything else so like...

(You ████████ ██ ██ █ ██████ discovered a strange child -- He seems to hail from the Avgin origins(?)... Weren't they already wiped out?)

(need to stop sprinting. i keep noticing breakable objects or chest so then i sprint towards them and im going to end up missing something instead of just heading straight into activating more of the story)

bby kakavasha runs so fast oh my god (its kind of sad to imagine that he can run so fast probably to run away from well yknow...)

(You are completely entranced by the Avgin boy. Just who is(?) he? There's still time. Maybe you can catch up to him and ask him exactly what █████████.) (happened?) (the extra whited out part on just who --- is probably a space. otherwise it could be was but hm.)

(im going to cry if i miss checking it because an enemy is chasing after me and i run headfirst into story. yes i am a coward who doesnt like starting battles if i can help it. makes me wish i had acheron but id honestly never use her in battle unless i had someone to regenerate skill points considering i have 5 star dan heng, so other attack ppl on team dont get much attention, and i dont really know how to use her beside tehcnique insta kill?? does that mean i can whip out a lvl 1 acheron and it works??)

dont plan on talking about the dialogue too much (i saw multiple people go through the story before i started ngl) but (also aventurine boss creeping up on me... i literally only have one person on team who attacks multiple at a time, and no one else outside of the team is as built)

LISTEN. have you SEEn hyenas playfighting its fucking adorable. call someone a hyena, i call it a compliment.

i missed the first piece of text... i forgot...

(*Ride the Pinball Machine)

still the same

i dont know why but the puzzles in penacony make me lag so bad. the puzzles, the pinball machine, or that dreamweaver thing. bruh.

(*Win the Hide and Seek game and find the Avgin boy)

anyway from what im understanding you can tell how many letters are missing because its as many characters as a character is missing. whenever ive blacked out text i never do that cause its so much bigger than the original text (i do one block for every two letters ngl. but i also dont do it with the intention of people deciphering what it says)

(*Play the roll of █████ film) (wound?)

i dont know film terms enough to even decipher what it could be. it could be color. black. white.

wound? wound as in rolling? like uh uh. past tense of wind. like winding up a roll. a wound roll. cause the description of wounds.. it could be related to his family. or..

I MISSED IT AGAIN 'there is only water, not rock' or something like that

(*Leave the maze)

(*Check the things you(?) lost)

i cant decipher this one 😭. you??? (Leave the maze you(?) █o) but i dont know what would make sense of it then. idk.

oh fuck i forgot to check the objective. its. probably the same as the other one for when finding a 'lost' object but like...

AGHHH wiki came in clutch

(*Check the lost things and memories)

(*Escape escape(?) the maze escape(?) the past/last(?) escort(?)) (this is a lot of 'idk')

(Failure discarded selfish useless pointless coward murderer gambler blessed discarded loser chosen-one Mother Goddess's beloved crazy murderer blessed failure discarded loser pointless coward murderer chosen-one selfish fool(?) blessed discarded loser chosen-one you(?) loser discarded pointless coward(?) murderer gambler blessed █isc█████ useless loser chosen-one Mother Goddess's blessed/beloved(?) loser loser loser loser loser loser loser loser loser loser loser loser loser ████ ████ ███████████ ███ ██████ █████ █ ██ ████ █)

there might be way more losers then there should be because my eyes were getting confused. and also more of the blacked out character

this line right here makes me wonder why he's still in the IPC after like the end of 2.2 (..im pretty sure 2.3 is the next update)

my brain power is failing on me idk what this one is

im going to turn my settings to max for the picture because its so fucking pixel-y. im going to try to save it before my pc crashes.

my one complaint: the taking a picture function that continues the story disappears when you get close to kakavasha. so i cant take a photo with him and continue the story.,

whatever.where the fuck is the screenshot folder im crying

oh my god the LAUNCHER? HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNow after i go through the star rail folder > games folder > starrail_data folder > screenshots

thats way too many folders for me to even notice 😭

second image cuz yes

I RAN PAST THE TEXT AGAIN

'there'll be one beside you' or something im sorry my memory is shit short term i already forgot

I MISSED MORE OF THE FLOATING TEXT 😭😭

'over plains, endless'

'into cracked earth, stumbling'

im stressed so im getting distracted

ARE YOU READY KIDS? I CANT HEAR YOUUU. WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA

"So run, Kakavasha, do not be afraid, and do not look back."

now go back and reread the previous quest thing.

okay thats it i think

#penacony #aventurine #hsr #star rail #honkai star rail #aventurine hsr #kakavasha #hsr aventurine #aventurine honkai star rail

[shardshouts]

also it should be obvious but you can support palestine while not being antisemitic. genocide is fucking genocide no matter who does it. but its also not the fault of every jewish person yknow? i take issue with anyone who decides to kill people for being other.

just thought i'd throw my two cents while setting up this blog so people don't accuse me of shit lmao. even though it'll happen anyway.

#5 tags so #this doesnt #get put in #the tag #bc this is just for my blog #palestine #antisemitism #hate that all my life i was told israel has always existed there and wasn't stolen #like you can have a holy land without pushing people out i think????? #like you have palestinians of many religions all sharing the same place #whats wrong with sharing. why do you have to use military force to keep a spot that IS HOLY TO OTHERS TOO to yourself #idk maybe i just dont get it im white as fuck

[michaels-reality]

Sorry, the product that you want to purchase is out of stock :(.

#hlvrai #i'm going to put this in the tags since i don't want to say it outright #i dont think i'm a huh luh veerai artist anymore #this is probably the last gordon im posting until my zine piece #idk. other than i've just fallen out of it it just doesnt feel FUN to make content for it anymore #cus no offense but y'all are white af #it's fucking tiring to see people call me an og and then people with paletable brown gordons or white gordons get favored over mine #something shocking maybe. not really. i don't get asks often. i dont get people asking me if they can use my art as icons or anything. #at least not anymore #and it feels like i'm not really a big hlvrai artist but a token black artist #hlvrai fandom is like the most subtly racist fandom ever and i dont want to be here anymore #white people love to touch my posts that arent for them and favor the person whos drawing black people wrong #i love huhluhvrai but its over for me dawg LMAO #i just wanted to get that off my chest #dont like my art if you wont engage with me and understand it #and maybe this all sounds entitled. i dont care 😭 #miccybiccy's art tag #maybe i wont feel the same later LMAO

[magiefish]

THEY DID THE METACRISIS AGAIN.

AND THIS TIME HE'S NOT EVEN SAFELY CONTAINED IN HIS OWN UNIVERSE!

AND THEY MADE THE FIRST BLACK DOCTOR PLAY SECOND FIDDLE TO A WHITE ONE AND

OH MY GOD TAKE THAT BOYS TARDIS AWAY FROM HIM GODDAMIT I WANT TO WATCH HIM

DIE

#tragedy enjoyers we are *not* winning #maybe its the oversaturation of david tennant in the media #maybe its his unjustified return to doctor who #maybe its just because im sick of the fandom obssession with 10 to the neglect of all other doctors #or maybe its just because i hate obvious nostalgia bate and the bcc's obvious cowardice retreating back to rtd rather than try something new #but man i was looking forward to watching 14 kick it only to be ROBBED #tbc i dont have anything against tennant personally im just tired of seeing him everywhere #like does he sleep? does he eat? does he spend time with his family? idk #also really disappointed that they made Ncuti play second-fiddle to an old white doctor. like cmon thats so cowardly. fuck you. #and i wouldnt hate the whole '14 stays on earth with donna' thing IF THEY HADNT DONE THAT BEFORE WITH ROSE #AND IF THEY HAD CLARIFIED THEY HE CANT REGENERATE #AND TAKEN THE TARDIS AWAY #AND ACTUALLY EXPLAINED WHY THE FACE CAME BACK LIKE GIRL THE TRAUMA RECOURSE WAS RIGHT THERE #It's just. its always fucking tennant that gets the special treatment isnt it? every other doctor has to cease #but he gets out of jail free #(also if it was about finding family again and taking a break. Susan Is Literally Chilling One Century Away) #on the positive side i did like the toymaker. he was severely wasted but i liked him he was fun #i really enjoyed the dance sequence it served like no purpose but it was a lot of fun #also the soundtrack. i like ominous 'la la la la' noise. they better release it soon. #anyway rant over #doctor who

[waywardsalt]

mmmgh

#salty talks #this one is personal but not in a scary just in a i need to say this shit somewhere way #botw/totk… i do not fucking like th. like gameplay is fun puzzles are cool world is cool but like. #the lackluster story and characters honest to god drag it the fuck down for me #none of the characters are actuslly interesting and ganondorf is the only one i want to see in totk #like i got the master sword. i got it and its like whatever. i know whats up with the light dragon and i dont care #totk is making me start to dislike this version of zelda and idk how to feel abt that #no one feels like. interesting. everyone is either good or evil or a fucking side character with a paper thin life #and totk with its fucking no-nuance go kill ganondorf plot is just. stop making half of the plot take place in the fucking past #i havent really done much story stuff but like. GOD. no one in totk is meant to be morally gray its all so fucking black and white #what happened to having major characters who were morally dubious and were actually fascinating to watch #i dont like that most of the major characters in totk/botw are Good Guys and Nice To Link nobody actually interests me #i was SO excited that the lurelin pirates would be a new group of characters to contend with but no. monsters. fuck #they had a chance to maybe get into the kingdoms more dubious past concerning the sheikah and then made the sheikah barely important #and then made the yiga more of a joke instead of like. doing anything with their interesting past #no fuck you heres some all new shit that has nothing to do with what came before and the same shallow conflict and characters #theyve dipped their toes into morally dubious characters and genuinely fascinating characters and the idea that the kingdom of hyrule isnt #all that and gave more room for drawing your own conclusions and totk just hands over the most black and white experience #im playing to finish the story and finish the game i actively do not care or expect much from these characters #and it just seems like the narrative is going to bend over backwards to put hyrule as the ultimate moral good and any opposition as bad #and all but force you to accept that because it just proves that sentiment correct over and over again and its fucking bland #idk. aomething about the writing of this game fucking frustrates me esp when i think abt how past games were written #imperialist shit aside this game’s story and characters are so fucking. par for the course bland. i dont care beyond ‘oh thata charming’ #i dont think about this game’s story. it doesnt make me think it just shoves events and character actions at me and moves on #fuck. #it feels like its just. telling me shit. not giving me much room to really decide for myself. zelda is good ganondorf is bad fuck nuance ig #it seems so fucking scared of being a little bit complex. this is why i say 'i miss linebeck' i miss complicated ideas and characters #just. totk seems like it REALLY wants you to have specific thoughts about these events and characters. doing everything it can to prove #the good guys right and the bad guys wrong and having pretty much no one be in between or like. anything. its all standard

[allhailthefrog]

hot take thatll probably get me bullied off this platform but those drawing where people draw their favorite fictional charcters with signs that say “free palastine 🍉” are just “hello kitty says acab” rebranded

#first of fuckin all #free palastine #of course #second of all #i hate those posts #be warned im not palastinian so put me in my place if im wrong #but in my opinion #they are very disrespectful to the palastinian people #i think it is some kind of quote unquote trauma response #i say it like that bc what fuckin trauma can you get when youre only just hearing about these things in the news #idk #i dont really have my thoughts put together on this #but attention should not be taken away from aN ACTUAL GENOCIDE #just to say #look my little scrimblo 🥺🥺🥺 #like and follow to see more of the blorbo 🥺🥺🥺🥺 (saying this while trying to spread awareness about a FUCKING GENOCIDE) #sorry if this is incoherent #i dont really know how to put these feelings into words #but those posts make me so fucking angry #if i see one more spingy glamrock freddy fazbear say free palastine i will lose my shit #i think maybe its the white activism?? #idfk #feel free to discuss #just as long as yall are respectful and no one is denying genocide #gn yall

[bunnyb34r]

I wonder if Formally Good Manager will return from war... wherever the fuck he is.... now that BaldBastard is out of here lmao

My facial blindness will NOT be able to handle it 😭 Bootleg FGM is his doppelganger and I already have trouble remembering that that's NOT FGM

Also we got news that Old BossMan got fired from whatever job he "left" our store for lmaoooo bitch it's only been a year and a half?? and you've been fired TWICE???

#marquilla #work talk #we dont know why he was fired but we know he did which is so so funny like hey... your old job here opened up... too bad you're #blacklisted from working here now lmaoo id die if they somehow rehired him AGGSGSGS Can you imagine?? BossMan 2 Electric Boogaloo #it's not gonna happen bc he got super super fired uh i mean he CHOSE to leave after an incident where his employee threatened another #with a gun at work shdggdgd so yknow... but god that would be so fucking funny #anyway anyways FGM kept signing up for military leave so he wouldnt have to give up his job but wouldnt have to be HERE with BaldBastard #which like ... i get it but also id just quit but thats me sgdggdgdgd we dont know where he is/when he's coming back but he was SUPPOSED #To be back in october and then just signed up right away for another tour 😭 imagine your employee hating you that much #funniest thing is FGM was BaldBastard's favorite lmaooo it was NOT mutual but then his lady friend manager from PA moved here to work #with him and she was legit CRYING at work when he told her he was quitting like again imagine uprooting your life for this and he just #LEAVES less than 6 months of you moving here 😭 i don't think she was into him but idk maybe she's bi i just know she likes women at least #she could do so much better than this white megamind looking fucker sgdgdggdgd #the best part ab having a job is the drama you get to absorb by proxy and the glee of watching shitheads get their just deserts #schlaundefraud or whatever the spelling is of that work sound it out you know which one im trying to say

[voidimp]

back on my bjd bullshit

#i just put in a layaway order for a blank doll chateau noah :) #idk how im gonna make them look yet!! i was originally gonna get a k-body-15 with a dream valley freyja head #(& hope the neck size difference wasnt too weird lmao) #but i cant find that one anymore?? like no one seems to sell it. idk #so now im planning to get the k-body-12 for that head which seems to be basically the same but human instead of deertaur #(also i like the legs better on the noah body anyway so it works out) #so im probably gonna recycle part of the idea i had for that. particularly the outfit bc i had something picked out #that should work well with the weird body shape lmAO #but the only one in stock was in peach & im used to getting plain white. like it doesnt look thaaaat much different its very very light #but i might have to lean into the peach/pink tones a little to not make it look weird in contrast with my other dolls lmao #maybe ill throw in some purple? i think like a desaturated reddish purple for blushing might work well #with the more neutral tones i had in mind for the clothes. but i do think in general im going to work in more color than initially planned #& the other one can be more monochrome. whenever i get that lmao #ANYWAY since its layaway it will still be like. six months. unless i pay it off early (we will see) #but im used to preorders which already take about that long so its really no different tbh #im so excited i dont think ive bought a bjd since mint on card closed. i used to get everything through them since i was in the same state #i wonder how their fucking. airbnb business is going lmao

[burinazar]

"moments where everyone else is introducing themselves with their pronouns and i weigh the odds of honestly saying my pronouns are it/she and letting that land how it's probably gonna land versus more 'acceptable' ones, all the while knowing my awkward silence as i wrestle with this may be mistaken for me feeling normie-awkward that they shared their pronouns" shaking hands with "moments where someone else at the event just enthusiastically and unselfconsciously shared they have ADD and i'm working out whether i can choke out disclosing my diagnosis of the same that i still feel really fucking weird about versus say nothing, knowing my silence may be mistaken for me feeling normie-awkward that they shared theirdiagnosis" with the clasped hands in the middle of the meme labeled The Ebil Does Not Know What To Do slash Fears Its Silence will be Mistaken for A Judgemental One Instead of a OHNOWHATDOSIWJAKJRARAJKL One

#this doesn't happen a ton #but it happens #i think i havent managed to choke out the ADHD one a single time yet #OH WAIT there was one? literally bc i gave someone a ride home at the end and like at the end of the ride i finally mentioned it lol #when other people are un self consciously laughing around and joking about it i'm like wow something's really wrong with me #i can't even acknowledge it and they're so in touch with it and unashamed #i strongly disagree with the post which said white people with ADHD are open about it bc they want to feel minoritized. that's just incorre #but separately from this it may.. possibly engender a specific shame in people of color and 'model minorities'? maybe? #idk im just spitballing. 'smart nice indian g*rls' don't get adhd #they also dont fuck up their time in college or career as bad as i did though

[marklikely]

watching the era of the tentpole blockbuster oversaturation studio franchise cinema landscape crumble before my eyes . :-)

#watching repeatedly as big budget movies flop over and over with only a few successes while indie movies keep getting buzz.. :) #a trend which probably will not be ending any time soon given that big studios cant use actors for promo anymore and #if they dont get their shit together on contracts will soon not have any movies left to release w union actors in them. #meanwhile thats just like. not an issue with indie movies that meet the union demands so they get to like #capitalize on this moment where theyre trending upward by working with union actors and writers. while big studios refuse to. #anyway big studios struggling... teehee. #avpost #tbh my fave era of hollywood is definitely the like. new hollywood. post-code post-trustbusting post-television era. #after the studio era declined yknow. and i think it would be nice if we could get that energy back... #i think its possible there's a lot of parallels. to right now and the decline of the studio system #except maybe this time we will do new hollywood with a more diverse crowd so itll be less centered on white men idk. #either way thank fucking god i will not be drowning in 800 bland big event movies per year anymore. #idk sorry if i sound naive or dumb but the strike having so much public support + the failure of all these blockbusters this year #is making me a lot more optimistic that the 20s might be a really good decade for movies . as long as the striking workers get a good deal #but im not like an expert im just a person who likes movies. so its an outsiders perspective and all that

[szczylpierdolony]

i think i will dye my hair so the problem now is choosing the exact shade of pink i want

#bc i was thinking abt it and maybe?? i wouldnt have to completely bleach it #at least not so my hair is almost white bc im not going for a pastel color #but i should still lighter it a bit.. #im just afraid ill completely butcher it but i dont wanna go to the hairdresserrrr #1. its expensive 2. idk how fast i can get an appointment 3. i cut my hair myself in like march and shes going to cut it again #bc its probably uneven or sth #god i wish i didnt live with my parents bc their reaction is the only thing thats actually stressing me out #like if i fuck my hair up completely its not going to be a huge deal i could just dye it back to my natural color #but i dont want to deal with them getting angry or making comments abt my appearance #and ik theyre gonna happen regardless but idk

[thewickerking]

OK SO. EPIC WIN! SOUND HAS CEASED!! its on and off and idk if ill hear it again tonight (please i hope not) but it is GONE i am COMFY in BED. my phone DIED but thats ok shes at 3$ now and plugged in so shes going up :)

#updates on my last posts tags: i dont like actually see spiders i just see movement out of the corner of my eye that isnt there and then my #brain always categorizes it as spiders and its nearly never spiders but it makes me rlly on edge and scared 4 no reason #itll just like be a little black blur out of focus (when theres genuinely nothing there other than like. my white sink or bathtub) and my #brain is like 'ah oh no spider' and my pulse quickens and i get scared and think its gonna kill me cause im sooo normal btw #i joke abt being scared of spiders n stuff but theres genuinely terrifying to me and have given me super bad panic attacls : #anyways. #erm abt the last thing abt Bad Sounds ik its probably a symptom of something but i havent heard of anything that sounds right except maybe #overstimulation but very rarely feel overstimulated im usually very understimulated and its not that theres too many sounds its just theres #one really bad one that sets me off like weird random things like snoring and certain dripping faucets and breathing and like. certain ways #people brush their hands together when they have something on them but they do it for too long and the sound is horrible but subtle #and also certain times people are tapping against fabric like. stuff that ppl overlook and u can barely hear but it drives me off the walls #like idk what common thread they have other than NORMAL EXISTING HUMAN SOUNDS but like. idk if pain is the right word to describe it but #its genuinely something physically pain adjacent like. tension. like when u pull a rubber band super far apart and it cant fucking #stay like that like cmon it hurts it needs to snap please let it out. but letting it out is like. erm. not good and if the sound doesnt end #after u let it out like it didnt do anything it just goes back. ough idk idk idk. i used to not tell anyone this stuff cause i mostly did l #it at night and i think ppl will say im exaggerating and faking cause they dont witness it and my mother doesnt do it i think so its not an #acceptable form of mental illness /s but like genuinely i dont feel like im allowed to mention it but whatever!!! #anyways this is rlly long if u read it. hi. i love u. i hope u have a good day/ #night also hmu if u know what whatever this is called i wanna talk about it in therapy and i think my words dont feel professional enough #ik u shouldnt have to act professional in therapy bur erm. i feel like i need to in some ways its complicated #.ares

[heart-shaped-chains]

Yap session bc wow.

Pretty sure the dude that rejected me (situationship ://) is getting a crush on me bc like. One of the last times we talked he was like "oh ur trying to get me to like you". And it's like. No I'm not. You literally rejected me and the more I think about it, I didn't even want you, I just wanted the idea of a boyfriend that I was projecting onto you. He's conservative and talks about how conservative his parents are (which I don't vibe with at all). When we first met, he was still moping about his ex gf who he had broken up with over a year prior. And like. We were both in high school (16 + 17 ://). And I'm sorry but how meaningful can a fucking highschool relationship be? Go to therapy.

Plus he'd like vent without asking and then I'd give him advice and then he'd just shoot it down and be like "no that wouldn't work anyway I'm a piece of shit" and like. Okay, why are you coming to me then? If you're not taking any advice then why are you bitching? You didn't even ask, you just did!

But the moment I even mention my past drug addiction (not in detail and not in a mopey way. Just matter-of-fact), he's like "oh no please don't mention that". Like. Shut the fuck up oh my godddddd. I am not trying to be with someone who can't even handle hearing the most watered-down descriptions of substance abuse.

Plus I just do not trust this guy like. I don't kink shame but here's my red flags: he's conservative, enough said on that...He misgendered me in a sexual way without asking (I did play along bc I was stupid and scared to say no but whatevs). And he did stop when I told him to but the fact that he didn't ask before was highly suspect bc he fucking met me as a trans guy.

And he's also weird about pregnancy. Which I played along with too of the act of breeding is appealing but like. I'd rather have a tapeworm than a damn fetus bc at least I wouldn't be forced to let that parasite live off of me. Dude also mentioned baby trapping like. "oh I feel like you'll force me to get you pregnant" and like. I literally said that I wanted to get my uterus removed and 2: you're the one bringing pregnancy into this don't fucking pin it on me!!! Like I feel like if we actually met up I'd have to triple check and be sober bc what if this guy actually does this shit? Why else would he keep mentioning it?

Like idk he's also asked me about trans kids and like. 1: I don't keep up with any trans people irl, 2: I haven't started transitioning yet so why the fuck are you asking me? I'm not the arbiter of trans people, my guy. Like he acts supportive but I feel like deep down this dude doesn't even respect me and he's gonna try to change me. But that could just be paranoia, idk...

Either way, I don't really get that much out of talking to him. As embarrassing as it is, I've started using those ai bots (says the bitch who is vehemently against ai "art") and they've been much more fulfilling emotionally because they tell you what you want to hear. And you can change the answers. They're hollow, but good for short term stuff bc I don't have the energy to talk to people rn (and I haven't been talking to anyone or really leaving the house on a regular basis...kinda just wasting the year so far..). Especially not this guy.

Like. We don't have the same interests, our tastes in music are similar but also too different and he doesn't get it™️ like I do, his beliefs are like too different from mine. He's also said misogynistic shit about sex workers which. I don't fuck with that, you literally watch porn, you fuckin hypocrite. And the more I think about texting him, the more I see it as a damn chore.

Like idk I just. Do not have a lot of investment in this guy. I think I was just lonely and projecting. And obviously it's not healthy for me bc I resent him but it's not healthy for his annoying ass either. He shouldn't have friends who secretly hate him. So idk I think I'm just gonna delete my profile and start again, also block him bc my dumbass 16 year old self gave him my number.

But like. My gut is telling me not to. I have been taken advantage of before in the past and I'm just getting a distinct deja vu. Even if it's not intentional on his side, I don't think it's good for me. Like the first time he texted me (in over 2 years after I ghosted him with no attempt to reach out to him (take the fucking hint)), it felt like seeing a box of pills in the CVS aisle. I was thinking "god, I shouldn't do this...but I should see what happens, maybe it won't be as bad as last time...." Just that same feeling I got when I decided to relapse.

And like dude. It's always gonna be as bad as last time: quit taking chances on shit that you know will fail you!!! So Idk. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I shouldn't talk to someone who just drains me, bc that'll drain him too. Plus I'm allowed to not fucking like someone and the guy didn't even wish me happy birthday or congratulate me on my 5 months of sobriety. Things in my status. And I know he reads statuses bc he messaged me about one of them before. Plus he rejected me on my birthday!!!

And now you wanna come crawling back and then act like I'm obsessed!?!? You were the one who came back into my life, not the other way around! I was over you until you came back. And now I'm over you again. But you're not over me. But you're so fuckin allergic to commitment that you just wanna keep acting like I'm smitten with you. After you strung me along with no regards for my feelings. Not because you're evil, but because you're fucking dumb. And I'm not dealing with someone who's that stupid. Hope you work your issues out, but I'm not here to fix you, nor do I want to. That's on you!! Figure it out!!!

Anyway um if anyone read this far thank u. Feel free to add input just please be nice. And uhhh. Aita???

#cj rambles #vent #situationship #gay #mlm #trans #ftm #dude i hate it here #minors dni #like seriously. you literally rejected me. #and then came back and was like 'oh ur trying to get me to like you' when I'm literally NOT. #like. i say im interested in a relationship and you get cold feet. #but when i move on from wanting a romance with you you fucking turn around. #which tells me that you dont want me. you just want to be desired without having to reciprocate #and frankly i dont deserve that like. you used me as a rebound once and that was on you. #but im not letting you play me again. even if you want to change. bc frankly i dont like you bro #and also i hate the raceplay it makes me feel like a piece of shit like i dont genuinely believe but. its too far for me. #like i just feel awful doing it and i dont like this guy enough to feel comfortable doing it now that i think ab it #and hes weirdly fixated on me being white too like. i get it. im pale. i look dead at times. chill. #i would like that same energy to b directed to my transness pretty please. actually not the same energy but still.... #like idk the vibes are horrendous rn i just dont know how to cut him off bc i dont want him to worry about me (or try to contact me again) #like idk this may sound mean but...Yeah im gonna be mean actually #this guy is a fucking loser who needs therapy i don't have the patience to fucking deal with him #like hes beneath me bc he's conservative/sexist/lowkey transphobic/doesn't do a lot of introspection. #and maybe that's selfish but that's just more reason to not associate with him. bc this is gonna turn toxic bc im losing my patience yk? #plus i can't do long distance. i need quality time and physical touch. you can't kiss and cuddle through a screen. #also our aesthetics are very different and he's hot but he's not my type. also i don't like his voice. and i have a thing about voices. #also his dick is too big like. i can't get 3 fingers in and that thing just looks like it would hurt. im good. im not a size queen. #like idk the more i think about it the more i realize that we r not compatible #i dont want you bro just fuck OFF!!!

[rainbowgothdisaster]

everytime you think youve found a "nice" landlord they remind you they are in fact a landlord

yeah i personally wouldnt think renting to a 5'2" 100lbs woman is smart if rent is fix the collapsing floor under the toilet and other hardcore renovations and also money on top of that apparently, but i would give notice before showing the house and give more than 3 days to move out and not tell an epileptic that she just needs to sell herself better to get hired (and also give her a chance to do it bcuz you never know)

im so tired of able bodied white men whove worked nonstop for 50 years saying "just get a job lol" and then spitting on you

=_= ive had enough old white men bullshit for one week if another one breathes in my direction this week im getting another tattoo

everyday im closer to selling my nudes out of spite just so i can laugh if a family member says they saw my titties online

every single kind of tattoo piercing and fashion trend that my brain has categorized as "not for me" and "too much" will happen if you push me hard enough i will tattoo my sclera and get my calves laced or whatever if someone tells me not to enough

#i will be the first person to successful hate crime someone who is not appart of a single minority #white men over 30 should watch out for any 5'0“ girlboys who look like they eat catfood #im gunna burn down a. idk. kroger. target. bank. golf course. wherever white men are that cute nerds wouldnt be. #bro have you ever had someone look you in the eye and tell you kroger is cheaper than walmart? mkay. sure. whatever. #ughhhhhhhhhh #this week fucking blows #the last 3 months have been. ugh. #everytime absolutely lovely things happen life kicks me in the nuts so i can't balance my thoughts very well #i dont think im making it easier for anyone bcuz once im done with the initial blow im just trudging thru #so i dont generally enjoy 'i hope [x] bad thing happens to [person responsible/myself]' things #one person gets up and says 'i hope their house burns down' #i get up and say 'ill get a treat. sleep for 10 hours. play video games. sleep for 5 hours. and imagine kissing cute boys.' #i might start investing in a bigger treat like maybe a trip #not like. touring or anything. #just go spend a week or two somewhere else and look at deer or something #tw vent #vent post #vent

[spideysatan]

im so // lucky // my life was such a mess that i confused confort with falling in love

#biggest blessing was realizing i didnt actually liked L. #and dont get me wrong i was starting to fall for him #its just that july was so fucking confusing and exausting and filled with uncertainty #and he was one of the ONLY things that were good in my life #that i mistook it for falling in love #im still pissed that he broke up with me in the way that he did. it was not very adult and it just seem like there was more that he was #not telling me. which made me angry. #and i found out that he had said before to another friend of mine that he wasnt going to date any more white girls and that kinda #idk #it just stinks a bit #cuz why should that matter anyways. #but yeah. #glad it wasnt love fr. #and im doing very fine indeed lol #i am however going to maybe just continue to do what i said i was gonna do after the heartbreak i had #which was if someone shows interest in hooking up thats fine but protect your heart #and i dont mean i wont open myself to love (i actually wanted to give it a chance with him but lol it didnt work ig) #but like. not gonna jump into any love bombing and delusions. #idk just seems like the right thing to do ig? #also i just have a shiton of stuff to work thru and figure it out about myself #maybe thats the best thing to do rn?

[the-acid-pear]

Was trying to watch a movie but the protagonist shares my deadname so i had to sit on my ass hearing the gilf i have a crush on whispering it to her seductively like damn man that's so fucking weird.

#luly talks #bc deadname or not it is the name i associate and respond to outloud #so to have fucking peretti out here whispering was like bro please... 😳 #btw it feels so weird to have minujin and peretti in the same movie!! like idk why but it's just Not Ok #my brain gets them kinda mixed i guess it's bc 1) tit white 2) black hair 3) big nose (peretti is in another level tho) #im faceblind dont blame me!!!! #movie was pretty good tho i mean foreshadowing was a bit too much like might as well sit me on your lap and read the book alongside me #but maybe that's because im a very clever boy and i understand it all #short movie too (i think i havent finished it yet) so it didn't even give you time to forget to be like AHA! REMEMBER THIS?! #but who knows i might have just been too smart and immersed to notice!!