#idris elba in the back is a whole mood

[itsphillippa]

Suicide Squad 2021 Review

Suicide Squad: 9/10

To be honest I didn't want to watch this film as I enjoyed the original one so much, to me the trailers just looked messy and to be honest I was only there for Harley Quinn. But boy am I glad that I did watch this film. 

This film is the perfect balance between action, humour and violence. At first the violence did take me by surprise but you do get used to it, and luckily there isn't very much of it but the violence you do see is pretty intense. Apart from the humour in this film I would say the best thing about this film was the character development, you could clearly see that the writer's for this film wanted you to get attached to these characters and understand them, showing the characters' pasts helped with this. I would say that there were a lot of unnecessary characters at the beginning of the film. Leading off of this, Peter Capaldi's character needed something more but I can't put my finger on what it is, his character was just very predictable and basic. He didn't get any character development and his motives didn't come through very well in his script or in his actions. The beginning of the film felt rushed and you definitely had to have watched the first Suicide Squad to understand the style that this movie was taking. Once you get a couple minutes into the film everything does start to wrap together and make sense though.

Next, the movie was great and the male characters still had important roles to play but they didn't become the main part of the film, it was pretty split between the male and female characters and no one was being favoured more than the other. The male characters are based off of toxic male tropes but it didn't feel overly toxic or threatening, and these characters improved as they went along which helped keep audiences attached to them.  However, I did feel like we didn't need the big final mission with them fighting the starfish, I felt like that was a completely different movie that I was watching and had a couple more unnecessary deaths in there with characters that had way more potential at character development. You could definitely tell this was a Jame Gunn movie, right from the beginning it had the colours, the comedy, the typical superhero stances and group walking poses, and the soundtrack just reminded me of Guardians of The Galaxy. 1 thing that really bugged me though was the fact that they reverted Harley back into this dumb blonde bimbo type character when she had been given so much character development in Birds of Prey, the part of the film that brought me round again was the part were Harley ends up saving herself and the male characters are outside trying to rescue her and she ends up behind them. This scene is the definition of female supremacy and it just made me laugh too much. 

Even though I have a lot of critical things to say about this film I did find it fantastic and funny and would highly recommend everyone going to see it. 

Top favourite Things:

1. The whole fight scene where Harley Quinn saved herself and didn't need no man. It was the definition of female supremacy and the scene afterwards with the male characters just made me laugh so much. 

2. Polka dot man and Rat catcher 2 have my heart and soul, I will protect them with my life. When watching the trailers and seeing the character list I did think that these two characters, among others, were stupid ideas and that the characters would just look stupid on screen. But boy was I wrong, I love the character development that each of these characters got.

3. Rick Flag deserved better but I would say that it is a very good ending to this character. I have already seen theories that he might not truly be dead and fingers crossed this is true but we will see in the next movie. Either way I am glad they gave him a good ending even if it did make me cry.

4. The style of the film was very similar to that of the first one and they dropped a couple references to other movies in the DC Universe, such as Birds of Prey and the previous Suicide Squad.

5. I loved John Cena’s character and how his plot twist wasn’t predictable at all. I loved that they made his character the bad guy working with Viola Davis’ character. I still stand by the fact that Viola Davis’ character is the scariest character in this film franchise, she is so ruthless.

6. Polka dot man is a big mood and I think everyone agrees with me. He deserved better.

7. I loved seeing Taika Waititi in this film, it did make me laugh even though it's supposed to be a heartfelt moment.

8. I loved the three male characters played by Idris Elba, Joel Kinnamen, and John Cena. I just got the feeling that these three actors had great chemistry with each other and that came across in the film.

#suicide squad #suicide squad 2021 #harley quinn #rick flag #idris elba #joel kinnaman #margot robbie #rat catcher 2 #polka dot man #viola davis #film #films #cinema #cinema review #movies #movie #movie review #film reviews #film review #reviews #reviewer #tv review

[the-cookie-of-doom]

Okay gonna go ahead and go for the biggest fic first because I’m a bit basic, but I’m curious: Estranged, with 2, 4, 8, 13, 14?

You’re not basic, you’re the best, bc i will literally NEVER get tired of talking about this fic, okay, I have put SO MANY SECRET THINGS into it for people to hit on and ask about,a nd also Ily <3 

2: What scene did you first put down?

Oooh you know, it’s actually be almost 2 years since I started this fic (begin it during 2018 NaNo, it completely derailed the original novel I intended to write rip) but I’m PRETTY SURE the first scene was actually the first one of the fic, where Stiles and his dad are in the airport. 

And then I don’t remember the exact order, but the first handful of scenes I wrote were: Mitch taking Stiles to Giovanni’s the first time; there’s a whole Thing where they go to Switzerland on a business trip that I had to take out bc it didn’t work anymore (but I will be rewriting and posting in the Deleted Scenes collection... eventually) and, funnily enough, I’ve had the last scene/chapter written since the very beginning. And it’s hardly changed at all, except for a few minor things such as bed vs. couch. 

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

Ahhh this one I was looking at and I was like, I have no fkn clue. I tend to hit on description more than dialogue lol. SO I’m going to skim through my favorite chapters real quick! 

I will say that the conversation they have about whether or not souls exist in chapter 5 was one of my most favorite bits of dialogue, and I was really excited to post that! But I’m trying to find a single line and I know there are a few, but i can’t fkn find them lmao

Okay I can’t find one single Line, but one of my favorite bits is when Stiles confronts Mitch at the fightclub (heavily shortened for brevity) 

“Are you afraid of me?” Mitch asked nastily, cruel. He grabbed Stiles, forced him back against the wall, hands tight around Stiles’ upper arms and likely leaving bruises of their own.

“You terrify me,” Stiles breathed in the barest whisper, a soft exhale into the scant space between them.

Oh, and this one was good. A perfect ending to chapter 14, I think. All that work, all that progress he thought he made, all for nothing. 

“I am void,” he breathed in a hollow echo.

And I really love the scene where Stiles leaves Mitch in the airport, because I am EMO. 

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

Nope! 

Okay wait, actually, I think I need to take that back. Chiara (Gio’s niece that has a crush on Mitch) wasn’t directly inspired by anyone, but I picked that name specifically because of my best friend (who’s name is not Chiara, btw. it’s complicated.) 

Also I will say that Felix is lowkey inspired by Billy Porter as Behold in AHS, personality wise. And I don’t typically have face claims for OCs, but I imagined him as a kind of blend between Billy Porter, Angela Basset in Black Panther, and Idris Elba as Heimdall. So basically very regal, but also very sassy. (He is also trans, which is something I couldn’t find a way to politely work in; it’s not something Stiles would know as a stranger, it would be weird for Mitch to out him, and Felix likely wouldn’t randomly out himself. But there’s a little meta for you guys.) 

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

For this fic, I typically listened to winter ambiance mixes on youtube. Things like THIS, and THIS. Just gentle kinds of background noise that give off the vibe of the fic. Since Estranged takes place in winter, I like snow, for something like Tree of Life I listen to summery country-side vibes. Also Not Strong Enough by Apocolypta.... that is 100% the Estranged theme song, ngl. 

And I think I have a playlist kicking around here somehwere? Yup, HERE we go. 

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

Uhhh I don’t think so? Aside from discovering that wonderfulness that is Stitch, I didn’t really go into this with any meaning beforehand. But I do really love how a lot of people have hit on Stiles’ path to recovery; how he really is slowly getting better, and that this fic wasn’t just pointless torture porn, when it could have easily gone that direction. So It’s been really great to see some people relate to/be inspired by? that?? And at its heart, Estranged was always about recovery. 

Ty for the questionssss <3 <3 <3 as always, if you have any others, I’m totally down *eyes emoji bc I’m on desktop* 

[princecharmingtobe]

Saw Cats on the big screen tonight

My thoughts on it below

Oof.

You would think, when making a musical, they would put more emphasis on the singing, but god it was just... so lackluster. Half the time they were doing that weird talk-singing where they’re only barely singing at all. I don’t see anyone buying this soundtrack it was just... not good. There were a couple songs that were decent, though they changed just enough to make them not measure up to the old ones.  I was really going to judge Jennifer Hudson’s performance based on the climax of Memory but I think it got fucked by the sound setup in our theater. We got a big blast of instrumentals right over our heads and it sounded like her voice was coming from the front of the room, so we couldn’t hear it. I’ll save my judgement of that for when I can hear it again. Though I do think they should’ve stuck with an older Grizabella, it makes more sense for her story for her to be near the end of her life. Edit: Come to think of it the audio may have just been fucked for the whole movie. I’ll have to listen to it again with headphones and see if it saves it though my hopes aren’t high for that.

A change that was made that I really hate is that they were all singing about themselves. “But Rai, isn’t that what they’ve always done?” A couple of them do. Rum Tum Tugger, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer, and Skimbleshanks originally sang their own songs. But other cats like Jennyanydots, Bustopher Jones, Gus the Theatre Cat, Mr. Mistoffelees... they all had other cats singing about them, most throwing in a few lines here and there. But in the new movie they mostly sing their own song, and it changes the mood of it... When it was other cats singing their praises it made them seem like well-respected and beloved members of the community, and you got an idea of how the other cats felt about them. When they’re singing their own praises they just come across as... idk, braggy, self-centered, “Look at me look how great I am.” That works for Tugger and Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer because they’re these young self-centered in-your-face cats, and in Skimbleshanks’ case it came across more as the other cats wanting to hear about his exploits. But it just doesn’t work as well for the others. 

Surprisingly I did like rebel Wilson as Jennyanydots, though... they tried to do the thing from the stage production where she removes her outer costume to reveal a different one underneath, which on the stage is basically removing a big puffy coat and boots to reveal a slimmer costume for her to dance in.

But in this she just... unzipped her fur to reveal a dance costume over more fur? And, you know, stayed fat because the actress is fat. And it was really weird and kinda creepy... Like they didn’t need to do that...

THEY CHANGED MUNGOJERRIE AND RUMPLETEAZER’S SONG!!! IT WAS SO DISAPPOINTING!!!  Edit: Apparently it’s actually the original version of it, which was changed in later productions (such as the 1998 one I’m most familiar with). Call me biased, I prefer the newer version of it. Has more pizzazz. :P

Something about how he was shown in the trailers made me worry about how they would portray Rum Tum Tugger, because he has a somewhat prominent role in older versions. Funny enough, I didn’t mind his portrayal too much. But his role in the movie was severely reduced to basically just his own song and a couple minor appearances.

On the other hand I liked what little we saw of Macavity in the trailers but didn’t care much for his portrayal in the film. They made it too... idk, comedic? Cartoonish? And kind of pathetic imo, where as in other versions he’s this terrifying monster of a cat who had to be physically fought off by the others in a dramatic cat fight. They robbed me of Idris Elba in a dramatic cat fight! Like I didn’t even mind the added plot of him wanting to be the one to be chosen and so kidnapping the others possible choices, that sort of addition makes sense for a movie like this since before he was just kind of vaguely evil and kidnapped Old Deuteronomy for no obvious reason. Plus they found a way to include Growltiger so that was cool (mom surprisingly didn’t recognize him even though she’s seen more versions of the musical than I have, and I know of at least one we saw together that included Growltiger’s Last Stand). But I just wish they portrayed his character more seriously.

And then there’s  Mr. Mistoffelees... opposite Rum Tum Tugger’s greatly reduced role, Mistoffelees got an elevated role, building up to him bringing  Old Deuteronomy back at the end (and also being Victoria’s sort-of love interest I guess?). Was not a fan of what they did with him either, honestly. They made him very awkward and fumbling and embarrassed all the time, where as I’ve always known him as this sort of posh, dignified cat, only really acting humble when Tugger is singing his praises during his song, though I guess since they had him sing his own song they had to bury his self-esteem so he didn’t come across as a jerk (instead of singing his own praises he was more trying to build up his own confidence). 

And in general the whole thing felt very rushed. The songs themselves felt rushed along, which was jarring and distracting to someone who grew up with them. 

I never expected this movie to live up to the 1998 version I watched religiously growing up. But I expected it to be better than what it was... as mom put it: The bar was set low and they still managed to limbo under it. 

And if anyone was wondering: No, you don’t ever get used to the very human faces. They continue to distract throughout the entire movie.

#just my very biased opinions #cats #cats 2019

[theteaisaddictive]

It just hit me in a flash that i never asked for your thoughts/rankings of the Cats 2019 soundtrack. Please forgive my ignorance and bestow the gift of your wisdom upon us

i have been caught in a whirlwind of events, which is why i have not responded sooner, but i’m currently home sick so what better excuse is there to wax evangelical (evan . . . jellicle??) about the cats movie soundtrack than this precise moment

i. jellicle songs for jellicle cats

i mean. well. first things first, it was recorded in advance (i assume that the 90s version was a live recording, but i could be wrong here) so of course it is going to sound awkward and stilted. this is nothing compared to how awkward and unnatural it is to see a bunch of actors naked save for cgi fur and ken-doll-like crotches singing and . . . uh, i think they’re dancing? -- around the white cat victoria, who did not have nearly so big a part from what i can digest of the 90s youtube clips. my favourite part has to be the fucking techno beat though. god damn. party on, you funky little abominations.

ii. the naming of cats/the invitation to the jellicle ball

yes, i will be smushing the exposition-related songs together unless i feel like separating them. this is my life, these are my choices. idk, it was fine?? i guess? munkustrap (aka The Main Cat Who Isn’t Victoria or Judi Dench and Quite Frankly Deserved Better Because He Was Giving This Performance His All) kind of just says the naming instead of it being a company-wide thing. they did not include bombalurina or demeter’s names in the naming, and this was the point at which i realised that the big name stars were not, in fact, going to lounge around in the background for the entirety of the play like they do in the musical. :(

the invitation also sees my Sweet Boy mr mistoffelees get his first solo line, which is good bc i fell in love with his sweet little face over the course of the film, and bad bc it marks the start of the absurd victoria/mr mistoffelees subplot which i am convinced was put in because of course a plotless weirdmageddon like cats needs a romantic subplot

iii. the old gumbie cat

something that needs mentioning is that idris elba shows up as macavity at various points in-between songs. i’m pretty sure he shows up for the first time here and like, tries to lure victoria away?? i think?? anyway it obviously does not work bc unfortunately we are stuck with victoria for the entire film, so onto the gumbie cat song we go.

what can i say about the rebel wilson song that hasn’t already been said. she unzips her skin. the cockroaches are uncanny in the extreme. there are slater-sized mice played by children. there is no funky tap routine, or if there is it was erased from my mind by the frequent awkward gaps in which rebel wilson attempted to be funny. dear god. 

iv. the rum tum tugger

miiiiilllllkk

ok, ok, fine. jason derulo gave a fun, lively performance and didn’t even have the decency to do a bad english accent, which means there is at least one song which i have to genuinely like and can’t just like ironically. but also miiiiillllkkk why is there a milk bar in london which is perfectly cat-sized whyyyy. 

v. grizabella

i am going to be honest. i think that this song appeared later in the movie, but the soundtrack only lists ‘highlights’ so it doesn’t appear in the track list. idk what to say. there are some girl cats (unnamed, although i think they have names in the stage version) who are mean to grizabella and then they say that she started working for macavity?? i’m not sure if this does or does not imply that he became her pimp, although he certainly has the coat and hat for it, which only raises more questions which i dare not put voice to.

vi. bustopher jones

fuck james corden. what the fuck did he do to the refined, fat old cat who frequents gentleman’s clubs and only dines on the finest stuff?? he made him dig around in the rubbish bins and interrupt the song twice to make ‘jokes’ about how fat he is. god i cannot fuckign stand james corden and i do not think he’s funny so i’m aware i may be biased but still. god. 

oh yes and then at the end macavity lures him over to a giant bin (in full view of the other cats, might i add) and thanos snaps him out of existence, but sadly not out of the movie. rebel wilson also got thanos-snapped earlier i just forgot to mention it.

vii. mungojerrie and rumpleteazer

i understand that this melody is the original melody and that the melody used in the 90s recording was a change made for broadway; however, this was the most boring fucking song in the movie and they should have used the broadway version, good night. also victoria is there while they burgle the house, for some reason, bc having an audience surrogate means she needs to be in Every Fucking Scene, so that was a Choice.

viii. old deuteronomy

a nice, sweet song introducing judi dench, sung by munkustrap in such a manner that i began to wonder if he was like, her boytoy or something. also the nuzzling is, like, out of control. i know there’s nuzzling in the stage version, but onstage they're also all crawling around on all fours and stuff whereas here they’re bipedal most of the time. it makes it look like everyone is constantly going in for a kiss when they’re actually just being sociable, and it is fucking disorienting.

ix. the jellicle ball

by the way, the jellicle ball itself takes place in some sort of cat-friendly dilapidated theatre, and it is both the weirdest and least weird thing about this whole movie. 

idk, it was fine?? oh wait, i actually forgot -- so waaaaay back at the start, victoria has a famous solo which wasn’t actually a solo in this version but danced with munkustrap, which . . . .was a Choice. so now she dances with like five different male cats, and it gets frantic, and Every Single Cat is just tearing it up on the dance floor, seriously the dancers in this are incredible, and then i think they all collapse on the floor in a heap, and it was at this point that i learned to be thankful i was not subjected to watching a cgi cat orgy while sitting next to my horrified sister

x. grizabella the glamour cat/memory (prelude)

like i said, i can’t remember what order this happens on the movie, so i’m taking the tracklist from the olc on genius. anyway victoria sneaks out for . . . reasons, and she sees grizabella. and grizabella is sad, and sings her song in the first person, because demeter got cut, because fuck demeter, i guess. oh yeah, and tom hooper, he of the masterful subtlety, had jennifer hudson sitting at a lamppost with withered leaves collected at her feet which she pointed to at the relevant lines. i’m surprised he didn’t add a sound effect of a moaning wind.

xi. beautiful ghosts

this was the song that taylor swift wrote for the movie and by god can you tell. it is incredibly jarring and serves no purpose (beyond, i guess, the purpose of deepening the nothing character of victoria), and -- ugh. look, it’s a pretty little song, and both victoria and taylor swift sing it well, but it’s thoroughly unnecessary. it’s like ‘suddenly’ in 2012 les mis -- why is this here??

xii. gus the theatre cat

i am not ashamed to admit that ian mckellen ‘singing’ gus the theatre cat was enough to bring a tear to my eye. because, well. the man may not have sung, but by god he acted. i challenge anyone with a heart to sit through all of cats and not even feel the slightest tug at their heartstrings when gus’s song plays. not even judi dench lifting one leg in appreciation could completely break the mood. oh wait. it did. (also gus got thanos-snapped by macavity immediately after exiting the stage)

xiii. skimbleshanks the railway cat

oooooh fuck YESSSSSS this is the single best song in the whole damn film. skimbleshanks himself?? wonderful. iconic. beautiful. his tap routine?? inspired. he’s skimbleshanks the railway cat -- the cat on the railway train! he inexplicably is wearing red dungarees, making him the fourth cat to be wearing clothes for no reason, and at the very end he spins like a top all the way into the air, before being thanes-snapped out of existence (but happily, not out of the movie) by.....

xiv. macavity the mystery cat

taylor swift is there. she’s undressed except for her cgi fur and a pair of stage heels. she starts tapping her little container of catnip over the collective of cats, causing munkustrap to make the sort of face you see reeve!superman make when he’s being poisoned by kryptonite, except that he is a cat being drugged with catnip and it is hard to take him seriously as a result. the song itself is a perfect guilty pleasure. taylor swift’s accent is shitty enough that you can enjoy the ridiculousness of the entire situation. idris elba cuts in to join the final chorus on ‘the Napoleon of criiiiiimmme’ and then he takes off his pimp coat and is . . . distressingly nude for the rest of the film. he dances briefly with taylor swift. it’s a thing.

anyway they thanos-snap judi dench to a boat on the thames bc she won’t let him go to cat heaven and the rest of the cats are left discombobulated. this is when Local Sadboy mr mistoffelees is uh, peer-pressured into attempting to magic judi dench back to the cats. bc mr mistoffelees has an arc now, you guys. and his arc?? is about getting his mojo back.

xv. mister mistoffelees

this song is also sung in first person by mistoffelees, which makes less sense when you get to the second verse, but whatever the movie only has about twenty minutes left let's just do it. it’s a solid song, but they keep pausing after every chorus to see if he can get judi dench back yet, which really dampens the groove that they have going on. anyway, they get her back, mr mistoffelees believes in himself now, yadda yadda yadda. meawhile back on the boat, this dickhead apparently didn’t bother to teleport the other cats back, so they fight their way out and rebel willson unzips her skin again. at this point in the cinema i was praying for mercy.

xvi. memory

memory was a song. it was clearly sung with a lot of emotion. for me, personally?? that emotion did not connect. sorry jennifer hudson. oh yeah also victoria has a verse in this song and i mentally wanted to s c r e am because this is not your fucking moment victoria, let the sad jennifer hudson cat belt her lungs out in peace

xvii. the ad-dressing of cats

god. let it end. let it end. this last ‘song’ was dragged out minute after minute after minute. judi dench looked into my very soul when she told me a cat was not a dog, and i still don’t know what she found there. when she started talking about cream and pie i could see munkustrap, he of the Giving This Performance His All, continue his impeccable acting by making faces of delight at her words. oh, munkustrap. even now, at the very end, you brought me joy. thank you, dear cat. thank you. 

#asks #cinderellasfella #cats #cats 2019

[eldritchsurveys]

376.

01 — Is your mood or the overall tone of your day often affected by the dreams you had the night before? >> Rarely. I mean, I don’t even remember most of my dreams, and when I do they’re usually pretty mundane. 02 — Do you listen to podcasts? If so, which ones? When do you typically listen to them? >> Not usually. 03 — Have you ever used exercise as a way of controlling/releasing your emotions? >> No. 04 — How do you define “beauty,” and to what extent does it matter to you? Do you think that beauty is something that is actually attainable? Do you actively strive to be beautiful, and to what lengths do/would you go to attain beauty? >> I don’t really have a working definition for beauty in terms of people. I think of beauty in terms of like... music, and shit, but not... people’s bodies or whatever. Either a person is attractive or unattractive to me, and that’s that -- and that means literally nothing at the end of the day anyway. I don’t strive to be “beautiful” because that doesn’t mean anything to me. Beautiful to whom? Some random people that I don’t even care about? Why? Like, the whole concept just falls apart when I think about it.

05 — How do you keep track of your finances? >> I just check the balance on my mobile banking app every so often to make sure everything’s on the up-and-up.

06 — Do you remember the very first time you came across surveys or the Xanga survey-taking community? How long after that did you take your first survey or start your own account? >> I don’t remember the first time, no, because it was like 15 years ago. I don’t remember when I first started taking surveys, either, because same reason. 07 — Do you think that there are any positive aspects or outcomes of suffering from a mental illness? If you have a mental illness, do you think it has changed you for the better in any way? >> I think I’ve gained a lot of insight about the variety of human experience by having to learn how to navigate the world in a way that makes sense to me. The “typical” path is unavailable to me because of how my brain is wired, so I’ve had to search for lesser-used paths or carve out my own, and that has been very instructive. It also makes me more tolerant of other people’s paths, because I know there are many of them and we’re all largely doing our best. (I just don’t necessarily want everyone’s path to cross mine, you dig.)

08 — What is your opinion on celebrity culture and celebrity worship? Have you ever been guilty of putting a celebrity on a pedestal? Do you think it’s somehow more acceptable/understandable to obsess over certain types of celebrities (musicians over YouTubers, say) than others? At what point do you think an obsession like that crosses the line? >> I find it a bit unnerving, and I’m sure a lot of celebrities do too. When I was a teenager I indulged in plenty of my own brand of “celebrity worship” but it was mostly self-contained (because, you know, the internet wasn’t yet the social-media beast that it is now), and I do still think of it as something that a teenager might do before they grow out of it. The fact that grown ass people who know full well that celebrities are just shiny humans are doing it is the unnerving part to me. I think it crosses all the lines when people start stalking celebrities or their families (online or offline), or tweeting rude or sexual shit to them directly, or otherwise being totally disrespectful of any boundaries that celebrity may have. People will talk about sexual harassment and shit and then turn around and tweet eggplant emojis at like Idris Elba or whatever. Fuck off with that. 09 — Do you enjoy livetweeting? If so, what sorts of things do you livetweet about? >> I don’t tweet at all. 10 — What are some expectations you had about your education or career, and how do they compare to the reality? >> I had no expectations, which is partly why I have no regrets. I was confused for a while because I couldn’t do what other people were doing (and what I was apparently expected to do), and I wondered if it was some kind of personal failing, but I learned the truth eventually. 11 — If you were to pursue a career in photography and had the opportunity and means to photograph whatever you wanted, what would most like to photograph? >> I wouldn’t want to be a photographer. 12 — Is there a certain type of clothing (outerwear, activewear, loungewear, etc.) that you enjoy shopping for more than others? >> I am really just not happy shopping for clothing at all. I do it because I must, but it’s an ordeal. 13 — Do you consider yourself an insecure person? What things are you most insecure about? >> Nah, not really. I might have moments here and there, but even in those moments I know that shit is unrealistic as hell. 14 — How concerned are you about your internet privacy? What sort of information do you avoid giving out online that others may readily offer up? What do you think of the argument that “I don’t care if [government organization] surveils me because I’ve got nothing to hide"? >> I’m not as concerned as maybe I should be, but I just can’t bring myself to care all that much. There are things that I have finally said “okay, no, I’m done with this” to, like having a facebook account, but also like... I know damn well Google is siphoning my data from me with the biggest vacuum hose possible but I’m not going to quit using Google. I think that “nothing to hide” argument is one that sounds like it makes sense when you say it, and it should, but the problem is that that only works if you have a scrupulous government... 15 — Is there someone in your life who always seems to be looking for your sympathy/pity? How do/would you deal with someone like that? >> No. People like that usually end up feeling very wronged by me. 16 — Do you tag posts for trigger/content warnings? Does it bother you when people don’t do so? >> I don’t. And no, it doesn’t bother me at all when other people don’t. 17 — Do you have any projects that you’ve been thinking of starting for a while but haven’t gotten around to? Are there any ideas for projects that you have that you don’t think you’ll ever get around to? >> ... That damn Walter O’Dim fic concept is still rattling around the back of my mind, but I don’t have anything concrete to build on so it’s just going to have to rattle around until it gives me something to work with. 18 — Are you ever afraid to post your ideas, artwork, photography, etc. online for fear that they will get stolen or not credited? >> No. My only creative output is headcanon and fanfiction and that’s pretty difficult to steal -- and honestly, even if someone did, it wouldn’t bother me. If you can take something of mine and successfully make it your own, then you have my blessing. After all, that’s exactly what I did when I wrote the fanfiction in the first place, innit? (Even if it was an original work of fiction, I would still feel the same way. I just... don’t really care, like with most things. I do think it’s rude to steal other people’s work, or post it without credit, though, because I know I’m an anomaly and most creatives DO care -- which is why I religiously try to find and post sources for uncredited work I see on tumblr.)

#surveys #survey #random survey

[alwanduthando-blog]

The day I found out I was HIV Positive.

I had just graduated and excited that I finally got my qualification and to my mind I had everything figured out and I already knew what I wanted to do after graduating; let’s just say I had a whole bucket list of things I wanted to do but before that I had to go out to celebrate my achievement.

It was supposed to be a celebratory night and everything was supposed to be merry especially after finding out that am gonna be a graduate, but everything turned south at a blink of an eye, and this is my story…

The night that changed everything

I was out and about with my friends to celebrate of course my hard earned achievement and with the mood being high and drinks everything that was happening on the night wasn’t planned which led to some drastic actions and irresponsible actions being done. On the night before my graduation I met a guy who was tall, dark and handsome more like our Idris Elba type am sure the ladies know what am talking about, he was such a perfect gentleman and every girl’s dream I mean he had bold shoulders his arms could fit me perfectly as if they were built for me to cuddle in them, he had a perfect smile with his white teeth shining so bright like he was advertising a Colgate brand or a dentist doctor you’d swear that when he smiles stars could fall from heaven, he had a deep voice that gave me goosebumps.

On that night when he approached me, when he chose our table I felt special I was like…okay am wearing a grad gown and a bonus is an Idris oh my word I couldn’t be less excited I was over the moon, and we just clicked like a house on fire, everything just happened gradually nothing was forced the conversations were matured and I drowned in his eyes every time he engaged in a conversation, when he asked to spend the night with me I didn’t hesitate or think twice I just said yes, little did I know that spending the night with him will change my life forever, little did I know that the night am gonna spend with him will affect me for the rest of my life.

So we went to his flat, had a few drinks started talking and thereafter we started kissing, mmmhh the kiss was just magical as if it was rehearsed, we both started breathing heavily as if we were racing I felt my undies were no wet and he was hard and the more his dick touched me the wetter I got and the more heavily we both breath and the more we couldn’t get off each other and the more we drowned in to the moment and the more we wanted to explore each other and enjoy each other, he started undressing me and I did the same, he gently rubbed my nipples as if he read my mind and knew exactly what I wanted I could feel his body warmth on me, he then went down to suck my girly now I had lost all control of my body and my knees felt like they weren’t mine anymore the more he sucked me the more I wanted him inside of me, he did it as though he was reading my mind he gentle looked me in the eyes and started kissing me on the neck while putting his D*** inside me.

Shit I don’t recall him opening a condom I don’t recall asking him about one, so now am sober-minded and I need to get my shit together what really happened? Did we just…? I never did it raw with anyone and now what if am pregnant? Well, that was least of my worries but the question was what if I have an STI? So I decided to take myself out of the misery I went to the clinic hoping for something different but instead I was told “Ma’am your results came back positive, you are HIV+” I was numb the numbness gradually mutated into anger, it was quite unlike any anger I’d ever felt before and quite literally consumed me. There were two focuses for this anger. First of all, there was me. My diagnosis with HIV provided an opportunity to beat myself up, something which the homophobia I experienced throughout my adolescence and early adulthood had made me expert at.

But most of all I was furious with the man who infected me. Up until I met him, I’d taken excellent care of my sexual health; I’d never even had the most minor STI, I know that people reading this will say, “well, you should have asked for a condom.” But before you pass judgment, ask yourself: have you ever been influenced into doing something you’ve subsequently regretted against your better judgment?

#livelife #beyourowninspiration #ownyourthrone

[selivakyle]

i was tagged by @sapphicsamwilson to do my top 10 movies using gifs! unfortunately my wifi wont work with this gd website so im just going to do small explanations instead :3

i am tagging @redhodd @lesbastard @dykejason @sirius and @wadenathan

1. the grand budapest hotel. one of my go to’s for when im in a bad mood, im bored, i want a laugh. the acting was phenomenal and i can pretend to be a Movie Hoe too. also pretty colours

2. john wick. litcherally keanu saying “im thinking im back” is my comp-het crush specifically. the fight scenes are so good and i nut in the baba yega scene EVERY TIME bc the delivery of it was On Point.

3. star trek beyond. SO MUCH CAN BE SAID ABOUT THIS MOVIE. the soundtrack. idris elba. the growth of the crew and more specifically james t kirk who for his whole life saw himself under the shadow of his father’s death but came to the realisation that he became a captain and stayed as a captain because of his crew - not just for some bet. also that funky lesbian jaylah adds like 70 points to this. simon pegg and justin lin really outdid themselves and im forever grateful.

4. miss congeniality. honestly my entire sexuality awakening can be pinpointed to the moment sandra bullock exits that plane hangar in her violet mini dress tied by a single spaghetti halter neck strap with matching shoes and telling the men hassling her she will shoot her. her arms and thighs look so good and i am so gay. obviously some questionable things about this film, but overall it just makes me feel really happy on the inside. 

5. the martian. the reason i wanted to study geology at university (no lie, how embarrassing, its funny bc that paper was the worst thing to ever happen to me in my life). but to be honest i always cry in the scene where he gets saved by jessica chastain and like the science behind it makes me Nut and overall its just a good movie. it was the reason i also watched gravity which got me a scholarship in english bc of my essay i wrote a few months later. thank you, andy weir

6. 10 things i hate about you. also another filme i had to analyse for hours back in high school for my end of year exams, but for some reason i still love it. is it because im a giant lesbian for kat? most likely, but also spending half a year analysing relationships and camera angles and colour theory about a modernised and bastardised Shakespeare play really gets deep (the same could also be said about she’s the man, which i also love). also the soundtrack slaps sp

7. the edge of seventeen. pretty much every person i know who has watched this HATED it but i cried like a baby and also watched it during a really rough patch during my first year. i have only watched it once but its one of those films that just like. stuck with me. and i always recommend it to my friends to watch bc sometimes we all just need to watch hailee steinfeld’s life spiral for almost an hour before coming to the realisation that actually, not all things suck when u look at them in a diff perspective.

8. hairspray. literally this is just the best musical on earth no one can convince me otherwise

9. three billboards outside ebbing, missouri. bro. i cried i laughed and i also came away from this so INCREDIBLY pissed off with the ending until i realised - oh. that was kind of the point. idk like all of the other movies directed by martin mcdonagh the plot just focuses on one major big thing with very little else happening, but the changes in character development are really subtle and good.

10. mulan. she’s my hero i love the soundtrack i love the story im so proud of that funky nb bisexual like UGH. if only the second stood up to the calibre of the first rip.

+ 11. the nice guys. please just watch it, ryan gosling was a fucking gem in this and its just one of those fucking weird movies that isnt funny unless you watch it twice.

#about #films

[bookwyrmling]

100 Questions

Tagged by @zombizombi (ty dearie) a while back.

below a cut for length!

1. Coffee or tea? Tea, but never black. 2. Black and white or color? I appreciate all forms of light. 3. Drawings or paintings? That I make? Drawings (not well anymore, please don’t ask). Too look at? Why not both? 4. Dresses or skirts? Dresses. I’m lazy. 5. Books or movies? Books. Definitely books. 6. Pepsi or Coke? Coke...with rum and a slice of lime. No, seriously, I can’t drink soda without alcohol to cut the carbonation down. 7. Chinese or Italian? I’m guessing this is about food? Italian tends to be my ‘easy’ go-to but Chinese just tastes so good. If it’s the language, I don’t know either but may be able to use Spanish to piecemeal meaning out of Italian. 8. Early bird or night owl? Is there a bird for people who just like to sleep all the time? (for real, tho, a night owl trying to be an early bird) 9. Chocolate or vanilla? VANILLA. I’d rather not die. 10. Introvert or extrovert? I’m such an introvert it’s painful. 11. Hugs or kisses? Ask first; depends on the mood. Hugs more acceptable than kisses. 12. Hunting or fishing? I was actually off fishing when I was originally tagged in this! I haven’t hunted before, but I’d be up for learning. 13. Winter or summer? WINTER. *is a hot gay* 14. Spring or fall? Fall is gorgeous and cool and wet and comes right after the horror of summer heat and I love it. 15. Rural or urban? Urban. If I don’t live in the middle of things, I become a hermit. When I live in the middle of things I’m only mostly a hermit. 16. PC or Mac? My first comp was a mac and I learned on macs, but then switched to PC when their price point started dropping and I have no clue how to work a mac anymore. 17. Tan or pale? I am so stupidly white *cries* 18. Cake or pie? Cake, but only if it’s buttercream frosting. None of that whipped crap. 19. Ice cream or yogurt? Ice cream <3 20. Ketchup or mustard? Mustard 21. Sweet pickles or dill pickles? Dill is the only type of pickle that exists. 22. Comedy or mystery? Mystery. 23. Boots or sandals? Sandals, tho barefoot is even better. 24. Silver or gold? Silver. Yellow gold looks a little odd with my skin tone. 25. Pop or Rock? I’ll listen to just about anything *shrugs* 26. Dancing or singing? Both. I was a show choir nerd. 27. Checkers or chess? Checkers. Chess is way too intense. 28. Board games or video games? Board games. 29. Wine or beer? Both have their times. 30. Freckles or dimples? I have both. Which do I prefer? *shrugs* People’s faces look nice with or without either. 31. Honey mustard or BBQ sauce? BBQ sauce 32. Body weight exercises or lifting weights? I don’t have weights. 33. Baseball or basketball? Neither? Baseball is way too slow and basketball just never caught my interest. 34. Crossword puzzles or sudokus? Sudoku. I like numbers. 35. Facial hair or clean shaven? No preference? It doesn’t matter to me. 36. Crushed ice or cubed ice? Crushed 37. Skiing or snowboarding? Sledding 38. Smile or game face? Smile 39. Bracelet or necklace? Necklace 40. Fruit or vegetables? Fruits 41. Sausage or bacon? Turkey bacon 42. Scrambled or fried? Scrambled, unless there’s hashbrowns to mix it with, then fried over-medium 43. Dark chocolate or white chocolate? Chocolate allergy. 44. Tattoos or piercings? Considering a tattoo; piercings all closed up. 45. Antique or brand new? *shrugs* both? 46. Dress up or dress down? Down. Have I mentioned I’m lazy? 47. Cowboys or aliens? How about cowboy aliens? 48. Cats or dogs? Cats. 49. Pancakes or waffles? Waffles. 50. Bond or Bourne? Neither ever really caught my interest. I’d love to see Idris Elba as Bond, tho 51. Sci-Fi or fantasy? Yes. 52. Numbers or letters? Numbers. 53. Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings? They’re both pretty okay. I don’t have much attachment to either. 54. Fair or theme park? Theme park 55. Money or fame? Money makes the world go round the world go round the world go round~ 56. Washing dishes or doing laundry? Dishes. You can technically actually finish dishes. 57. Snakes or sharks? BOTH. 58. Orange juice or apple juice? orange juice frozen <3 59. Sunrise or sunset? Sunrise 60. Slacker or over-achiever? Over-achiever with executive function problems 61. Pen or pencil? Pencil 62. Peanut butter or jelly? Peanut butter 63. Grammys or Oscars? Neither 64. Detailed or abstract? Detailed. Highly detailed. 65. Multiple choice questions or essay questions? multiple choice 66. Adventurous or cautious? cautious adventurer (i’m stealing your answer for this one, zombi) 67. Saver or spender? Saver 68. Glasses or contacts? Glasses 69. Laptop or desktop? Laptop 70. Classic or modern? Classic 71. Personal chef or personal fitness trainer? If I could afford? Fitness trainer. I honestly don’t know where to start. 72. Internet or cell phone? Internet 73. Call or text? Text 74. Curly hair or straight hair? If I braid it and let it dry, it’s curly. If I brush it out while it air dries, it’s straight. This stays until the next time it gets wet no matter what you do. 75. Shower in the morning or shower in the evening? Morning 76. Spicy or mild? Spicy 77. Marvel or DC? Dark Horse 78. Paying a mortgage or paying rent? Rent 79. Sky dive or bungee jump? My feet stay connected to something at all times, tyvm 80. Oreos or Chips Ahoy? Golden Oreos 81. Jello or pudding? Jello 82. Truth or dare? Truth 83. Roller coaster or Ferris wheel? Roller coaster 84. Leather or denim? Denim 85. Stripes or solids? Solids 86. Bagels or muffins? Bagels. Real bagels. 87. Whole wheat or white? I make my own sourdough. 88. Beads or pearls? Pearls 89. Hardwood or carpet? Hardwood. Carpet is disgusting. 90. Bright colors or neutral tones? Neutrals 91. Be older than you are or younger than you are? My age is fine as it is. 92. Raisins or nuts? Nuts 93. Picnic or nice restaurant? Picnic lunch, nice restaurant dinner. 94. Black leather or brown leather? Both. 95. Long hair or short hair? Long. 96. “Ready, aim, fire” or “Ready, fire, aim”? Why would you fire before you’ve aimed? Is this a reference to something? If it is, I don’t get it. 97. Fiction or non-fiction? Fiction 98. Smoking or non-smoking? Non-Smoking 99. Think before you talk or talk before you think? Think first. Always. 100. Asking questions or answering questions? Conversations tend to be best when all parties do an equal amount of both.

tagging: @whiskeytangofrogman, @embyrr922, @solosorca, @voxofthevoid, @moonliel

#about linnea

[redlipsanddaydreams]

my thoughts on Lover

(upon first and second listen)

I Forgot That You Existed:

-THE WAY SHE SAYS NICE AND QUIET

AHH and the “indifference” omg

-I love how this is like piano and snaps

-And the laughs!!!

-“So yeah...” same girl

Cruel Summer:

-literally everything about this song is perfection???

-like the beat and the production and the goddamn lyrics

-“devils roll the dice/angels roll their eyes” LIKE WHAT A WHOLE ASS MOOD

-the chorus is so addictive

-the oooohhhh

-WHAT A BRIDGE OH JESUS

-she had to keep secrets and sneak in the garden gate :(

-HE LOOKS UP GRINNING LIKE A DEVIL omg the way she says this ,,,, I think I transcended

-wow A++++

The Man:

-literally this song just spits facts

-this one hurts because she had to and has to face such shit scrutiny and she’s right because she would totally be the man everyone is like “ayyyeee my dude” if she was a man. But because she’s a woman she had to go through this and it just sucks

-Taylor I’m so sorry

-you didn’t deserve to have ever had to feel like this; you don’t deserve to ever feel like this

-you completely deserve your hard earned success

-this one got me emotional damn

-also shoutout to that bridge cuz when I say my mouth dropped i mean BITCH MY MOUTH DROPPED

I Think He Knows:

-SHE REALLY IS AN ARCHITECT. I mean, her bridges??

-bless my soul?? Girl bless my ears, bless my entire being

-shoutout to this bop, it makes me wanna dANCE

Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince:

-first off, amazing title. 13/10

-THESE LYRICS

-is that a you belong with me callback I see??

-I can see this story unfolding!!

-AHHH THAT INSTRUMENTAL ORCHESTRAL PART BETWEEN THE BRIDGE AND LAST CHORUS?? Honey I died that was beautiful

Paper Rings:

-already wanna start dancing

-THE PRODUCTION??? AMAZING

-I don’t even

-like

-this song is fun and very, very sweet and lyrically GORGEOUS

-GOD I LOVE HAPPY TAYLOR

-LIKE PLEASE STAY STAY STAY

-I like shiny things??? Bitch me too

-but I’d marry you with paper rings??? Bitch my heart

-I hate accidents??? Hun that’s a mood

-except when we went from friends to this??? MY SOFT HEART AHHH

-A++++ song wOW

Cornelia Street:

-track 9 lets goooo

-shoutout to self-written songs ayeee

-her vocals COME FOR ME

-the vulnerability in this song is so raw and honest and beautiful and I’m so here for it

-like this love is so important and deep and even though she’s been through heartbreaks in the past and has gotten through them, she knows this one would’ve been different. She couldn’t return. That’s terrifying and magnificent. But thank goodness she can still walk Cornelia Street

-tHE WAY SHE SAYS “again” TEAR MY HEART OUT WHY DONT YOU

-holy lover this song is just..wow

Death By A Thousand Cuts:

-I have so many questions

-who is this about??

-it can’t be about Joe, right? It’s too,,,sad? I don’t even know

-did her and Joe break it off for like a hot minute there or something and it made her realize how much she wants them to be in each other’s lives?? And this song’s about that intermission time?? I don’t know. I don’t know

-but like?

-she says it’s like she wasn’t enough for him which doesn’t seem right??

-also the intensity from “my heart” through to “it’s just a thousand cuts” like that was a wild ride that came for my throat and I loved it

London Boy:

-THAT ACCENT THAT VOICE THAT LAUGH

-IDRIS ELBA MY HUNNI

-she loves faded blue jeans? I hAd nO iDeA

-I, too, love a good London Boy

-god I, also, love the English

-these versus are gETTING ME god I love them

-the chorus is so fun ughhh

-noice

Soon You’ll Get Better:

-god bless Andrea Swift

-I had to pause for about 5 minutes after this because I was so emotional. I cried so much

False God:

-THIS PRODUCTION

-I don’t know instruments very well especially off the top of my head but that one in the opening: YES PLEASE THATS A YES FROM ME DAWG

-kinda reminds me of a Bey Lemonade era song

-in the best way possible

-HER VOCALS TOO

-that “we’d still worship this lo-o-o-o-ve” I think I saw a false god too

-I’m not a religious person but damn this song joined Don’t Blame Me to take me to church huh

Afterglow:

-I’m loving the honesty in these lyrics

-she’s taking ownership and blame and it’s mature and raw, in a way like back to December. But she’s not being passive in this one, she isn’t letting it go. She’s showing that she made mistakes but she is in it for this True Love, and she’s not leaving

-THE CHORUS AFTER THE BRIDGE!!! THAT BEAT CHANGE!!! HUNNI!!!

It’s Nice To Have A Friend:

-i LOVE the composition of this song

-short, sweet sentences

-simple pleasures

-like three stages of a relationship in three verses with no chorus dear god this is my THING

-also that last verse,,,,exCUSE ME TAYLOR WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

-this song is so cute and refreshing and ugh I love the production and the way this is written so much anfjghakw

Daylight:

-NOW THAT SHE’S SEEN HIM AND THOUGHT OF HIM, NOTHING ELSE COMPARES

-ugh I love that

-he IS Daylight, as she is

-“I once believed love would be burning red/But it’s golden/Like daylight” I SCREAMED

-“gotta step into the daylight and let it go” i see you Taylor i see u

-I’m so happy Taylor is happy oh my goodness

-YOU ARE WHAT YOU LOVE (not who loves you)

-What a way to end that

In conclusion:

Holy lover

These songs were beautiful, lovely

Like that’s the word I think of

Beautiful, and lovely

Heart aching and heart filling

Jesus Christ that album was so good

It really was a love letter to love

“You are what you love”

She sings about doubt and fights and secret keeping

And she sings about paper rings and staying and golden love

This album really personifies “to love and to be loved”

And bitch got political and I. Love. It.

Also, notable tears include

-The Man (I got emotional thinking of the shit Taylor has been through and how unfair it is)

-Paper Rings (bECAUSE SHE FINALLY IS WRITING ABOUT LOVE AS SHE EXPERIENCES IN ALL ITS SIMPLE GLORY IT AND ITS GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL)

-Cornelia Street (must I even explain?? iykyk)

-Soon You’ll Get Better (this wasn’t just teary-eyed, it was full on sobbing that required lots of tissues and about a 4 minute pause full of crying before I could continue the album)

This album was whimsical and lovely and full of so many deep emotions that I just,, I can’t find the words to describe. Love, yes, but deeper and somehow more mundane but also simultaneously extraordinary. The rare kind of The Real Deal. The one that will last.

((Also, shoutout to the forward that was incredible to read thank you Taylor)

#you can tell i’m very articulate with my thoughts #everything about this album was so great #every song was meaningful and wonderfully writtwn #*written #gosh i love everything about lover

[burins]

@the-gooftroop tagged me to come up with six movies i can watch any time. i’m gonna let y’all in on a secret? i’m so, so bad at watching movies. i didn’t have a TV growing up and it’s made me bad at media that involves both my ears and my eyeballs. that said, off the top of my head, these are my comfort movies:

1. Pacific Rim

I will never tire of giant robots smashing giant monsters. The visuals in this are excellent, the characterization is strong, and both Idris Elba and Rinko Kikuchi look very good in very different kinds of suits.

2. Howl’s Moving Castle

Hi, yes, please drown me in some good good Ghibli aesthetic. Feed me some good good Ghibli soul food. 

3. Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

This is the ultimate feel-good movie. @shaz110 sat us all down and made us watch it and i’m so glad she did. This is that 100k au you keep coming back to read because it’s just such a nice warm feeling. Kajol and Shah Rukh Khan are delightful. the costumes are peak late-90s. PEAK. please watch this movie. i think it’s on Netflix? go find it. go watch it. 

4. Pride and Prejudice (the BBC version with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle)

I guess technically you could say this isn’t a movie, this is a miniseries. It is not easy to watch in one setting, but my mom and I have managed to hole ourselves up and watch the whole thing from top to bottom. 

5. The Prince of Egypt

turtle mentioned this, but speaking of old Dreamworks animation, would you like to watch a Hans-Zimmer-scored take on the story of Moses that features some of the most beautiful animation I’ve ever seen in anything? “Through Heaven’s Eyes” makes me cry every time I hear it, so. This is also the only movie on this list I have actual childhood feelings about, because we watched it at church camp a lot. One time I watched a German dub during finals week instead of doing any work. Whoops.

6. Jupiter Ascending

fight me

There’s a lot of movies that could have made this list, such as both Magic Mikes, But I’m a Cheerleader and other fluffy gay movies of its ilk (Saving Face, for instance.) There’s also a lot of movies that I love but definitely need to be in a specific mood to watch (Mad Max Fury Road and CATWS come to mind. Rogue One if I feel like crying all over everything forever.)

I’m not tagging anyone bc the idea of tagging people in things is very stressful, but if you see this and wanna do it, consider yourself tagged.

#personal #replies

[fmdtaeyongarchive]

↬ let’s raise the temperature until it’s burning.

date: late 2018/early 2019.

location: n/a.

word count: 1321 words (excluding that one line of lyrics).

notes: creative claims verification. this sucks, don’t bother reading it.

sexy. that’s what they want from him. it isn’t that ash has a problem with making something sexy. there are plenty of files within his collection of work in progress songs that could be easily classified as that. it isn’t a theme he’s uncomfortable with touching on in the creation process. in fact, he’s positive there are plenty of never-to-be-finished pieces that bc would never approve for release in the first place because they aren’t coated with the necessary subtly dusted-over sensuality that came with being an idol. said dusted subtlety came even more as a necessity when his name would be credited on the lyrics in addition to the instrumental. after all, it can’t be too apparent that he’s writing from experience. the whole country seems to have been happy to assume he has experience at this point based on pictures that hadn’t even meant anything, but he still has to avoid too directly confirming the assumptions. it’d be throwing bloody meat out to the sharks, and ash is tired of watching his work being ripped apart for the sake of entertainment.

sexy isn’t the first word ash would use to describe himself, but it’s not the last either. he’s not idris elba or brad pitt (not that either man had ever been his type, but they were the pictures of sexiness in the western society in which he’d been raised, weren’t they?), but he’s an idol, and before that, he’s a dancer. he wouldn’t be where he was today if he didn’t know how to seduce, literally or metaphorically, with his body and his expressions and, by way of music, his voice.

the challenge comes more with the instructions accompanying the song assignment. that’s what leaves him in the studio staring at his composition program for far longer than ideal. the instrumental that he’s worked on constructing so far is fine, but it feels derivative after all of the times he’s listened to it back. they don’t want anything groundbreaking anyway, but it seems like too much of the same thing. it’s expected. low to mid-tempo throughout, layered instruments rolling throughout the track in waves (silently, he prays he won’t be told to do body rolls in the choreography if he ever performs the song live because if he is, he’s only brought it onto himself).

he wants it to be special, but it doesn’t come as naturally as most of the tracks off of his latest album had, regardless of how many times he switches up the rhythm or pitches the melodic line higher with some falsetto in mind.

days later, he realizes it’s because it’s directionless. he’d made the rookie mistake of trying to capture a mood in his music instead of a story, something he thought he’d moved past long ago in his composing and even earlier than that in his playing of music. if even the composition is depersonalized, he has no hope for the final lyrics (ones that will be more meaningful than the empty words layering the track now so he can focus on the compositional side of the song). the detachment is obvious now that he thinks about it, and, in a way, it makes all the sense in the world. it’s become second nature for him to reveal himself personally in his songs about insecurity or heartbreak, whether musically or lyrically, because they’re the image he’s chosen for himself instead of the one bc entertainment has chosen for him. it’s self-victimization he’s draped over himself like a protective blanket a voice in the back of his head tells him, and sexuality that’s already been thrust on him by the company and the public doesn’t fit that ideal so his mind has put a block on it.

he is hesitant, scared even, he realizes, to let himself dip into anything further than the sugar-sweet idea of intimacy he’d tackled with “touch my body”. that’d been comfortable, but even “daydream” had been glazed over with its dreamy instrumental and “dive” circumventing discomfort by pulling at tones of angst. they’d been solo pieces, safe in the box containing only him, but the knowledge bc wanted this to be a collaboration with some female artist they were still deciding on felt like taking it a step too far, his mind mentally blocking his ability to create for fear of the comments that would inevitably come if he leaned too far into sexy.

it hits him that, if he really thinks about it, most of the pieces he’s comfortably composed with more intimate themes were songs he had figured he’d keep filed away in hopes of giving to someone else some day. they weren’t for him because he didn’t want the sword of his own sexualization to fall from bc’s hand into his own.

weeks are spent trying to get over himself before the lyrics began to come together in a way he’s closer to happy with. every line ends up getting scrapped minutes or hours later at first because they either sounded too sleazy or too obvious in their metaphors.

it’s when he brings his latest round of unsatisfactory lyrics to one of bc’s lyricists he knows is down in the studios on the same night as him that he actually starts to make progress. he’d been too proud to ask for help before, always afraid that any shown need of assistance would be the last nail in the coffin of having his hands in his own music at all.

the other songwriter looks ash firmly in the eyes and asks him to explain the meaning behind his lyrics, behind the story, and ash has to think for too long before answering. he can tell by the look on the woman’s face that she’s already identified his problem, but he answers anyway.

“it’s about intimacy. they said they want sexy, but i want it to be more than that. the story, the feelings in the lyrics. that’s what i want to use to make it sexy. i don’t want it to be hedonism for the sake of hedonism. i want it to be,” ash hesitates, thinking as he tries to convey his intentions, “i want it to be sensual, not just sexy.” love. that’s what sexy is to ash, and if he has to do this, he wants it to match where his heart lays. perhaps his struggle had come from how often the sexiness in knight’s music comes alongside heartbreak and toxicity. he doesn’t want to continue down that path. if heated lyrics would stamp him with the seal of doubling down on everyone’s expectations of him, he’d rather they be words he can stand proudly with as his idea of sexy.

“focus on the verses then. we’ll worry about the chorus later. i’ll help you with that, but how are you going to tell a sensual story instead of one that’s just sexy?”

her words stick with him as he scraps all of the lyrics he’d previously written and starts on something new. everything changes but my heart that’s always pointed toward you will not change, is the first line that he finally feels is right, and as its rightness settles into his bones, ash breathes a sigh of relief. it all comes easier after that. lines are still crossed out and rewritten and altered with help, but in the end it’s a story of love. two sides of a couple that intertwine with tension and heat because of chemistry and desire instead of a forced conceptualization of what’s supposed to be enticing. a heightened reality springs from what was once destined to be a caricature.

it still isn’t what ash had planned for his next release, and giving in by presenting the final product to them still feels like losing, but it’s something he’s proud of. it’s a part of himself still, laid out on the silver platter that was music, and he’d rather reluctantly rip out his heart than have none of it in it at all.

#fmdverification #&& bring color to my skies | character development #ignore this i beg of you #&& queued

[brotherhood-of-okay-reviews-blog]

Movie Review

Chris' Movie Review

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Thor: Ragnarok

Rating: 8/10 (Good)

Recommendation: Pay The 8

I hated the trailers. Everything screamed "Cheesy. Filler. Disappointment." And while it follows the lines of the first two, it doesn't disappoint in the least.... Okay in some areas it does.

Thor: Ragnarok stars Chris Hemsworth (Thor), Tom Hiddleston (Loki), Mark Ruffalo (Hulk), Cate Blanchett (Hela), Idris Elba (Heimdall), and Tessa Thompson (Valkyrie).

Plot Summary

Thor has returned home and is doing his best to protect Asgard. After his father's death, his sister Hela, returns to destroy Asgard and to take over the other worlds.

Thor is now in a race against time to not only protect Asgard but to also protect the rest of the universe.

Review

Thor: Ragnarok is the best of all the Thor movies. There's really no competition here. It's just good. Unlike the others where you can argue that they really aren't.

For starters, this film is very funny. There are jokes everywhere. Nothing about this movie feels threatening (Which is a downfall as well), and the film flows nicely from scene to scene. The cast is just having fun and that's something that seemed to be missing from the first two installments of this series.

The acting is great. Chris, Tom, Cate, Mark, Idris, Tessa just knock it out of the park. They are fully engaged with each scene and they make them work with their comedic timing and presence on screen. They use their self awarness to their advantage and bring out the best in each character. It's possibly one of the best acted films in all of Marvel. And speaking of acting, Cate Blanchett, come on down. You're a good villain.

When it comes to Marvel, we all know the villains leave a ton left to be desired. But Cate actually leaves an impression. Now look, she's not going to overly wow you but she is going to leave some kind of mark with you. Cate really gives this character a lot of personality and charism. Which, when you have a villain that's the God of Death, you need someone to give a strong performance with that type of role and Cate fulfills that need.

The CGI is wonderful. With today's technology and Marvel's unlimited funds, it would be a crime if these films didn't look good but they could easily go sideways very quickly. But not here. The scenery is very colorful, fun, and has an 80's presence throughout. Which, again, fits the theme of this movie. It's here to have fun.... But that does also hinder some aspects.

For one, this film is just a filler. I'm sure there's some Marvel fan who will tell me otherwise but this didn't seem like it really advanced the overall story all that much. Yes, Thor loses his hammer and then he learns to use lightning without it, but that's something that could've been done off screen as well. And you can argue "Well he found the Hulk." But I could also say that he could've shown up randomly with the Avengers and there could've been a quick flashback thrown as well.

Again, I'm not saying this film isn't totally unnecessary but when you look at it as a whole, it's not really needed either. (But I guess you could say that about some of the other movies as well.)

There are some slow scenes in this film. After Thor is casted from Asgard, the movie sort of stalls for a bit. Yes, there are jokes to keep the mood light but it just feels slower than the rest of the film. It takes time for the movie to pick up it's pace and get back into the real fun aspects. Again, it's not bad but it's also not the greatest at keeping the flow going.

Lastly, this film might feel a little too cheesy at times. To me, this adds to the charm, but to some, this could wain on someone after awhile. Again the movie is very self aware but if you're looking for something a little bit more serious, then you will end up feeling slightly disappointed. Depending on how serious you wanted your film to begin with.

Overall

Thor: Ragnarok is a fun movie. If I had to rank it, on my list of Marvel films, it would close in on the top 5. I think I need to see it again before I make that decision but it's really close.

Sometimes the movie is too cheesy. There are some slower scenes throughout. And the film feels like "Filler." But the villain is actually good. The jokes are great. And the acting is top notch.

Someday, when I go back to watch this movie, I hope my mind doesn't change too much about it. But for now, I'm just going to enjoy it and relish in how much better this film was than what I thought it was going to be.

As usual, thanks for reading!

[wellmeaningshutin]

Short Story #50: Cruise.

Written: 2/23/2017

Entry #34:

I’m getting fucking tired of this job. Day in day out, I have to sing the same old songs that I could give less of a shit about, just so these couples can dance and feel special while they’re out on the ocean. If they knew how much I was tired of my job, I bet my melodies wouldn’t seem very romantic to them. Also, I wonder how many of these wives are aware that their husbands will sometimes lurk in the bar, waiting for me to get my usual post-performance drink, spouting pick up line after pick up line, none of them charming, none of them clever. At least they will cover the cost of my drinks, which I get for free, but they don’t know that. The on duty bartender just splits the money with me when the night is over, and sometimes I can get several guys to pay for the same drink. So its not all bad I guess. At least I get payed well to be hit on, and all I have to do is sit there.

And I get payed well to sing on this tacky cruise, too. I get free drinks, an alright room, the food is nothing to complain about, and I can relax in the sun whenever I’m not working. So I guess none of it is bad, but why am I so unhappy with all of this? Why is everything inside of me telling me to get off at the next stop, which is some poor, South American town that only makes money from tourists who mainly stop by on these cruises. Why do I hate all of this when this should be the easy life, this should be a great deal.

And I love singing too, so why is it so bad when I have to do it for money? Was my aunt right? She always warned that I should never turn a hobby into a career, because then it will just be work. Maybe I should have listened, but then again this job is hardly even work. How come the things that should make me happy, that sound good on paper, always leave me feeling like this? Am I just incapable of feeling positive emotions?

Maybe I just need to start over, maybe I should just leave this job behind.

Entry #35:

I saw a seagull die, mid air, and it landed in the middle of the pool.

Manuel, who is starting to become my favorite bartender, gave me good advice today. He told me that I should order tonic, and pretend that its an alcoholic drink, so that I can drink more and get more tips, without having to stop from getting too tipsy. It seems like I may run into a problem, since I kind of have to drink after every show, but I guess I can get different drinks. Its not a problem unless I make it one.

What’s with all of these people talking about the war going on? Is there a war happening? I guess there will always be a war, but its just weird to feel out of the loop with these sorts of world events. Its like I travel all over with this job, but for some reason I know nothing about the world. Soldiers go on a tour of duty, I go on a tour of ignorance.

Entry #38:

I was supposed to abandon the ship and start up a new life on today’s stop, but I hesitated at the last moment. Well, I guess it isn’t hesitation if it lasted for several hours. Maybe it was cowardice. I hope I wasn’t making a mistake, but if my mood persists then I can get off at the next town, or the one after that. There’s really limitless options for escape, but that may lead me to never pick any of them. Sometimes it seems like I can only go through with things when I’m cornered, when I have to make a decision.

I was talking to an older woman, who always is out in the sun, wearing a one piece that is much too small for her, so her excess fat spills out around the edges, but she always has her hair up in a scarf, and wears these stunning sunglasses. Its like she was some great beauty from the 1950’s that decided to say “Fuck it” and picked up a life of leisure, staying true to herself the whole time. When I get older, when I get to her age, I want to have that sort of confidence, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to pull it off. I’m not sure if I have enough natural beauty to dampen the effects of that life style.

Anyways, I was talking to her, and she asked a question that was very odd. She wanted to know why nobody ever saw the captain of the ship. It was a strange question, because I realized that I’ve never seen them either. I don’t even know their name. I’ve been working here for over a month and I don’t even know who’s running the show.

I asked Manuel about it, but then he told me to call him Harrison. Apparently he pretends his name is Manuel just to seem more exotic than he actually is, and it tends to bring him in more tips. Apparently he was born into a wealthy family, who was basically an all American bunch. For some reason, when people saw him they never thought of him as an American, which is weird because what is an American supposed to look like. Apparently Harrison was a pretty great tennis player, who competed against a lot of prestigious, private school kids, but he shattered his wrist in a car accident and he lost his ability to play.

I got so side tracked talking about all of that and completely forgot to gen an answer about the captain.

Entry #40:

There are dark clouds in the sky, all the guests are worried about a storm, but the crew keeps telling us its nothing. Then they bring up that our captain is incredibly skilled, and any storm will be meaningless under his command. So which is it? Is it not going to storm, or are we going to be able to effortlessly get through it?

This was the first time, since my first week, that I actually had fun during my routine. There was something magical about being able to make everyone’s worries melt away, to create an environment that protected them from the threats of the outside world, the ominous clouds looming overhead that usually serve as a lazy metaphor for incoming danger. It was like, for a moment, I understood what it was like to be an entertainer during the Cuban Missile Crisis, and it was like I saved

Oh god, I’m really drunk right now. Forget most of what I just said.

Entry #41:

Well, they were right about the storm, or half-right I guess since they had two contradicting statements about it. We passed through it without it coming down on us, it kind of made everyone feel stupid about being so afraid of it beforehand. It also made everyone celebrate even more, and tonight I had a great time during my job. We jazzed it up. Does that sound dumb? “Jazzed it up”. That sounds like something my mother would say to my friends to try to seem like she knew what the “kids” were into. I guess now even I don’t know what the kids are into, so maybe I am becoming more like my mother, but that just might be a universal truth for when people get older in general. People of certain ages act certain ways and don’t act how other ages can act the way they act, and blah blah blah. Maybe there aren’t any universal truths.

There’s this lovely little Jewish couple, and when I say little I mean old and shrunken, who always slow dances whenever I sing, no matter the song. They spend the whole routine doing their slow box step, and then they wonder off to god knows where. Tonight, when I decided to not drink after the act, since the bar was crowded and I had enough fun to not have to drink away any worries, I found out what the couple got up to. Apparently they always give it to each other in one of the stairwells. I know that it happens a lot, because when I told one of my co-workers, they responded with, “Again? Every night we get a report about them. We’d reprimand them, but honestly its mostly just impressive.” When I caught them in the act they didn’t bother to stop, but they just looked over at me.

Maybe I should get off at the next port, maybe I should end on a high note instead of risking more boredom.

Entry #43:

Well, I had my luggage packed any everything, but I guess I can’t go through with it for quite some time. Its a shame, because this time I was actually ready. This time I don’t think I would’ve skulked around on the ship until the boat left and I would just put it off until we arrived at the next spot.

Apparently there’s something wrong with some part of the boat, maybe the engine, I’m not fully sure. All I know is that we’re not moving, but we’ll probably get going any day now, and if we were really stuck we could probably get help from somewhere. I expect that they have something in place to help with these kinds of situations.

If we were rescued and everyone was taken back to the states, I think I would hate that more than being stuck on the ship. I took up this job to leave my old life behind. Hm. Maybe when I leave this cruise, maybe it will become my old life, and the states will become my new life?

Entry #45:

I’ve been skipping days, in this diary, because there’s really nothing new happening. We’re still stuck, everyone’s still nervous as hell, and my songs aren’t really doing much to ease the worry. I feel like I’m letting everyone down by being unable to calm them, like I did when they worried about the storm, but what can I do?

Today is significant because the captain finally made his appearance. I don’t think anyone expected him too look the way he did, which is handsome. Extremely handsome. He seems less like some cruise ship captain, and more like if Denzel Washington and Idris Elba had a child together. Now it seems like you can’t stop seeing him, so maybe he will be able to calm everyone in the manner that I cannot.

I’m still not fully sure about what’s wrong with the ship, but any day now and we should be heading to our next destination. If the problem was tremendous, wouldn’t the captain be dealing with it, instead of socializing with everyone?

Entry #48:

There’s something about that man, I just don’t know what it is but it feels like a red flag.  He’s too nice, you know? Like there’s no way that anyone can be like that. Its inhuman. Yet, I seem to be the only person that doesn’t trust him, the only one who isn’t won over by his good looks and his aura of charm.

I tried to express my opinions to Harrison, who has become my closest friend on the ship, and he got a little angry with me. He got very defensive when I expressed my distrust of the captain. I was almost a little afraid because of how angry he got, but maybe he’s just anxious about the ship not moving.

Although, it seems like people are getting less and less worried about being stuck in the middle of the ocean. The captain is starting to dominate every conversation.

When we get moving again, I’m definitely getting off at the next town. I’m sick of the fucking ocean.

Entry #51:

It seems like the captain is trying hard to win me over, and people are starting to openly criticize me for not being fully acceptive of him. It also seems like when people talk, now, they either only talk about him, quote him, and sometimes mention normal things like relaxing, dancing, dining, cruise stuff. Yet, I don’t see people enjoying themselves as much, there is usually one or two people who are actually at the pool, the game room, the shuffle board area, etc. And it seems like the only people I can find participating in these activities are the others who are also looked down on, like me, but we are few in number.

Maybe I should get all of the outcasts together and we could kill time together so it wont be as lonely. How long has it been? A week? Two weeks? Its felt like forever since I’ve been here, and with Manuel ignoring me, and refusing to let me call him by his real name, I’m dying for some social time.

A weird thing is, it doesn’t feel like the ship is drifting in the ocean, it feels like we just aren’t moving at all. Maybe I don’t know enough about boats.

Entry #54:

I don’t have a job anymore, nobody wants to hear me sing. Now that time slot has been taken up the captain, who keeps giving his creepy, motivational speeches that everyone seems to just eat up. I’ve only heard one so far, but I don’t like where this is heading. After he gave his speech, and I was hanging out with the other outcasts by the pool, he offered to give me a nicer room, to make up for my unemployment. I politely refused. I feel like if I accepted that from him, I’d eventually become obsessed with him, just like everyone else.

He offered the same deal to Norma, and she jumped at the opportunity, then walked away with him. We were all kind of surprised, but she might have been an accidental outcast. The pressures of not fitting in were probably too much for her.

Thomas, one of the other outcasts, a guy who used to work in the navigation room, told us that food supplies are supposedly getting worryingly low. That makes sense. How long has it been? A month now?

Entry #56:

I just figured out why everyone is saying all of this weird shit, apparently its stuff that the captain spouts out during his speeches. Thomas insisted that we go check one out, and he ended up joining the captain on the stage, crying about all of the awful things that happened in his childhood, repenting, and then he was engulfed by the crowd. The captain claimed that he was reborn, that he was now one of the chosen. It was like being in a fever dream.

Earlier today I asked somebody how long we’d been stuck out here, since I’m terrible at keeping track of the dates, and he told me, “We’ve always been out at sea.”

I saw Norma and she started spouting the same nonsense, and I’m starting to get worried. Everyone is treating me like I’m crazy, and I would agree with them if I didn’t have this diary. If I didn’t have proof of what it was like before we stopped.

I spend most of my time hoping for a ship to come and rescue us.

Entry #58:

There’s only me and one other outcast left, the rest have either joined the reborn, the children of the sea, or have disappeared. On the floor above me, last night, I heard Wendell get scream, and scream, and scream. There was some dragging. Now he’s gone. I have to do something, but I don’t know what. All I know is I can’t stay here.

People have started to say, “There is no outside world, this is the world.”

I’ve been stared at more.

Somebody drew a small X on the door of my room, and it was so small that I almost didn’t notice it.

Help isn’t coming.

That was the last entry, and Manuel was frustrated. Where’d she go? There was no hint of it in any of the entries, and he didn’t want to displease the captain. If he failed his duty, then he could have to take up her role in penance. It wouldn’t be very bad, and it was honorable because then you gave life to the rest of the children. What upset him about the process was that it meant that he would never see their father again, but maybe he could at least become a part of the father.

Thinking about it, he realized it would be pretty nice. And he did volunteer, and fail, didn’t he? So why be afraid, what was there to be afraid of. Blank faced, he marched himself over to the captains quarters, knocked three times, then dropped to his knees, waiting for the door to open. He could hear the captain open the door, and stare down at him, but he waited for the father to allow him to speak.

A minute passed before the father asked, “How did your task go? Have you done what your father has asked of you?”

“I was unable to find her father, it seems like she has escaped. I have her diary, but it didn’t give me anything to go on.”

“It is no problem, she cannot hide forever. There is no escape from the truth.”

“No, father. And if I may, I would like to ask something.”

“Ask away, my child.”

“I would like to take up her duties, since I have failed my own. I would like to give my body, during our congregation, so that I can appease my failure by giving life to the rest of our family. By giving yet another day so they must not go hungry.”

#Well Meaning Shut In #Free Write #Short Story #Writers on Tumblr #Vacation #February