#im feeling so anxious i dont know what to do

[matchakuracat]

you know how some autistic people say that life feels like everyone got a manual on how to live except them? i also feel like that but being physically disabled on top of everything else makes it even harder. it's like i have to do all of these things that most people don't have to do and i have no idea how to do them. and i can't ask anyone else about it either because they also don't know. like if i have to go to the dentist for a check up and i need to be prepared on what to do(not the best example but i cant think of a better one right now), i can just ask my mom how to do it because that's something almost everyone does and knows how to do. but who can i ask how to advocate for myself on how to get a mobility aid when im meeting a physiotherapist or a doctor, when i also struggle to speak because of being autistic? i know i can ask other disabled people on the internet for advice which im very thankful for but sometimes my situation is a bit more specific since i also live in a small town in sweden and it's not the same everywhere else in the world.

idk im just so frustrated and anxious and it seems like everytime i try to get help from healthcare they dont want to help me and it just makes my anxiety worse. i literally just want to be able to walk more and be in less pain, is that really so difficult to achieve?

#sorry for being so bitter im just so fed up and exhausted at the moment #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronically ill #actually autistic #disabled #physical disability #disabilities #physically disabled #autistic #disabled rant #vent post #aaaaaaahhhhhh

[nuppu-nuppu]

Ignore if you don’t want to read about me being stupid once again

#pls dont read if you cant handle venting and whining #once again i am here to say that i am the loneliest person alive and i feel like i can’t grasp the basic consept of friendship and do it lol #like idk how to be friends #i feel like i will forever be sad and lonely #and i know everyone will say you can talk to me and i know that but i’ve just been by myself for so long that i don’t remember how to have #actual conversations with people i feel like i am disconnected from reality #i feel like i am an extremely unlikeable person and that’s why i was all alone in highschool and idk i am oversharing on the internet again #because it’s the only place i kind of feel safe doing it #pls take care of yourselves first before comfoting me or anything im sorry i sound very pathetic #how do i start living again #how does one live anyway #im just in my head all the time #this was supposed to be hot girl summer but it’s once again summertime sadness #im so stupid!!! #im so anxious and depressed that i dont know what to do with myself #im so sorry for oversharing i have a therapist dont worry im kind of taking care of myself #but the eternal loneliness just wont let me go #idk how to be a person anymore #i’m just sad #thinking of going to a church and pretend to be a believer so i could have a community again lol

[cathalbravecog]

veep dad comfort art

#veep dad :] #i have Not been well mentally tbh the second im with friends i DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE anyways ill be VENTING A TINY BIT HERE #i need excitement in my life but im like #has no social life #oopsies...! #so i thought yknow what would make me happy rn. My Veep Dad #yea thats it #also ive been struggling with motivations to play ttcc and draw so.... #apologies for being in the game less. especially as im in the post game with almost everything done #im usually kinda really goal oriented in games and yeah having no tasks or close friends to play with #im just kinda THERE and getting that initial push to do stuff is very hard #my motivation has just been at an all time zero (again) and it upsets me bc i do wanna do stuff...not bc ohh productivity but bc #i just wanna HAVE FUNNNN #anyways erm.... thanks for listening to my little rant here again. i dont know where else to express this sort of stuff. feels wrong to dum #it on strangers who i know are there for my art but. whatever. yknow #just wish i was more motivated in general but my life is Just Kinda Sad and im an Antisocial Anxious Wreck Dear Cog #senior vice president #sr vp #veep dad #personal tag if i dont wanna main tag.... #doodles #traditional art #guz art #toontown

[bunnihearted]

lately i've been finding it so so hard to be positive and hopeful. and it's making me so bitter and hateful. i hate it but i dont know what to do about it

#idk it's just all too much to deal w #i have sm pains and physical discomforts. money issues. stress bc my avpd is making school very hard for me to finish #i have suicidal thoughts and really bad anxiety every single day. i've basically begged the mental health care system for help for 7 months #like i've kept contacting them and asking them but they havent done anything at all for me. i dont even get to see anyone and talk #i just dont know what to do or how to handle it #im so stressed abt the future. i have to finish school but then choose smth so i can go to school/get a degree & get a job #im holding my mom down and back and i need to find a way to kove out from her and support myself #i have no friends to meet or hangout with and destress with etc etc and im really feeling the lack of it #idk the list just goes on and on and on #nothing is working and idk how to fix it. but also i know that me and only me have to find a way bc there is no help #i struggle bc of my avpd and mental health but there is no treatment for me to get. they just dont wanna give me *any* help at all #im just so frustrated. and every day is the same. everyday is full of some physical pain anxiety stress worries suicidal thoughts etc etc #i cant break free idk how!!!! my life is so fkn boring and pathetic and miserable #i never get to relax bc all of a sudden last year i got extremely noise sensitive. and it's never quiet anywhere in this city #anyway yeah i could just keep going. and like now im feeling anxious bc my tooth is aching :(( #it -everything- never stops or lets up or relents. and it makes me wanna die even more. #so... idk im just incapable of being hopeful abt anything and that's really killing me idk

[roachemoji]

#bo posting #croutons #but also this is a #vent #i need tbis cat to let me sleep through tge night just ince #im so tired and im waking up just #exhausted emotionally #im so anxious still #im terrified and catastrophizing #forcing myself not to isolate even though ever fiber of my being is screaming at me to #convinced that no one believes or understands the extent of how bad things r rn #and that bc no one believes me #everything i do is seen as.... purposeful #or personal #convinced theres nothing i could say or do that would accurately describe how i feel #and more convinced i already need to know what would help before i can ask for it #and since i dont know i cant ask for help #🫠

[early-october-skies]

Me when we don't speak anymore by bears in trees

#lizzierants #had a sudden unplanned job interview today. i wanted to cry the whole time but managed to keep it together and now the anxiety has suddenly #caught up to me and it feels BAD the sudden thought of that what if my friends just dont actually like me and they like me purely because #theyre worried for what would become of me if they stopped being friends with me when purely of course id be fine eventually but i worry #that cause im on antidepressants people just think im automatically suicidal when something bad goes wrong which is not the case im doing #good i dont want to die but what if all my friends hate me what if this whole time i have loved them so so much and they just tolerate me #someday my friends will die and i had that i hate that someday we wont be friends even if its decades in the future i love all of them with #my heart that sometimes i feel it is overfilling i love them i love them and what am i without them i am everything i have ever loved i am #overthinking however i cannot stop this what if my own best friend is avoiding me? why am i thinking this? what evidence do i have to back #this up? nothing only for the fact my own brain feels as though i love people too much and they are uncomfortable with it i feel awful wtf #i have learned to keep my emotions from people because i dont want them to worry. i dont want people to do something or not do something bec #ause they think it will upset me i want people do do as they please i want to be open for my friends to share their issues i want to help #and im sitting here wirrying if they hate me so i turn here to shout in the void because the only person i know irl who follows me on here #most likely doesnt read these tags and if you are please ingore this i misjudged your terrible attention span also i love you very much #anyway a few weeks ago i realised my worst fear is no longer death. but the death of my friendship with my beloved friend. and thats fucking #terrifying prospect however if they were to be like yo i dont like you anymore id respect that decision and id be okay because their happine #is the most important thing to me and thats okay but i couldnt bare with the fact that they feel like they had to be ffiends with me because #they have to. i hate the prospect of them feeling trapped in a friendship theh dont want to be in. all the while i feel i cannot communicate #this to anyone because how would i go about it im very anxious i am shaking i am having a bad time very bad time actually im going to start #crying but its okay <3 crying is good for stress and health and its been a while since ive cried so maybe this will help me feel better <3 #i will heal and ill be okay <3

[whorenerdking]

Help?

I hate having to resort to this, but I need help getting away from my mom. I’m finally able to return to school next semester, but I need help with the dorm fee. And the only reason I’m asking here is that I’m currently not able to work. This is my one shot to get out of this abusive household, and I’m not going to let it slip away.

I need $500 for the dorm fee, and I’d like $250 for other expenses like food and supplies, but the dorm fee is the most important thing. As long as I have that, I can get out of here.

I’m sorry to ask this, but if you can spare a dollar or two, I would really appreciate it. Even if you can’t, just spreading this around would mean the world to me. Thank you, and sorry again.

PayPal

#signal boost #boost #mutual aid #charity #idk what do i tag this as? #i need help #i feel pathetic and scummy doing this but i dont know what else to do at this point #shes barely spoken to me all day because i cut her off while speaking #when i didnt? #its so quiet in here its terrifying #i feel like i cant move around my own home #and im starting to be constantly anxious and on edge #im sorry i hate doing this

[hellhoundlair]

venting sorry. i get emotional thinking of the media both me and my dad loved growing up and the father daughter bonds that were the highlights of those movies and tv shows to him and i feel like i failed

#my dad and i used to watch adventure time together and my dad LOVED simon and marcy and he learnt daddy why did you eat my fries on the #guitar and i used to sing it with him. and one time when i was 14 ish and severely depressed and anxious we had people over #and my dad was talking about adventure time lmao and was getting his guitar and wanted me to sing it with him and i just said NO. #because i was mad at him. and embarassed. and we never sung it together ever again. its been too long now. that window has closed. #but i wish we could #my relationships with my dad never really recovered after my teen years and its hard to talk to him. #i wish i could talk to him. we are really similar. in the bad ways too #vent #SORRY GUYS i need to find a therapist #my family just never talks abt their feelings. or when they do its when theyre angry. i dont feel like i can bring this up to them. #i just hate knowing i rejected my dad like that. he probably saw me not wanting to sing w him as very personal. not that hed ever say it #AND FUCKIN INTERSTELLAR me and my dad both loved interstellar at a time when i was -again- severely depressed and locking myself in my room #and the father and daughter go have scenes that feel very similar to things that were going on in my house at the time. where shes #baracading the door and not letting people in. it rly hit home is what im saying #and my dad loved the movie i loved it too but the family relationships in the movie were never discussed whenever we talked abt it #but for christmas one year my dad gave me a watch. like the one fuckin matthew mcconoughey give his daughter in the movie #and i wear it all the time. it makes me fuckin cry sometimes that stupid fucking watch. but it means so much. #i just wish hed talk abt his fucking feelings so i wouldnt need a watch to know my dad still loves me #also this post is about transitioning and my dad feeling like he lost that father daughter bond with me but we wont get into all that

[cinnamon-notes]

i wanna find you in a crowd just to hide from you could be either the sweetest or the saddest thing to say as a 34 year-old btw

#“i so dont wanna run into you and im avoiding all the places like death but i keep feeling anxious because you could actually be anywhere at #all so i should really find you first to know what to avoid on what to hide from“ #or #“you interest me so much to the point it's so embarrassing to look at you because i make a fool of myself and i get extremely shy about you #and i do wanna look at you and see you and look for you and find you but i also tend to shy away and i also wanna hide“ #cinnamon notes #ttpd #ttpd era #so high school

[cozybearz]

the fact that neither my mom or my grandparents who are all three in the medical field consider masking important even for people working healthcare jobs (outside of surgery and working with a known actively sick patient) is concerning to me

#its like. i know you guys care about people so how do you not care about this #and what does that mean about their work overall… #its weird #like okay maybe im the one being overly anxious and you guys rlly do know better but like #how is it not just best practice overall… #why does it feel like people rlly dont want it to be best practice #that they dont wanna consider it

[kimmkitsuragi]

i will go crazy if things dont start getting clearer next week. like literally

#i dont know what to do if this wont work out haha : ) #i wont get into the negative self talk rn because im so tired of typing out the same vent all the time lmao #but like beside All That #im just so anxious all the time because Nothing is still clear i feel like i still Dont Know anything #and !!!! the problem is it should be !!!!! #if these things dont get clear soon i dont know how to work the other things out!!!!!! lol #please just. please please plesee please please i dont think i deserve anything but please please please #i know im being so selfish but pleaseeeee #continuing this post is so hard because i said i dont wanna get into the negative self talk #so i wont <\3 but you know . lol #🗒

[snailune]

wiki how do I stop spiraling about my life once every 2 weeks I'm getting sick of it

#personal #i just want to make things so bad #it hurts to even look at something anyones made bc im not doing it #i started so late and its still so hard. i got months without doing anything bc im just exhausted from daily life #if i spend more time with my girlfriends i feel like im closer to them but then i have no time for art #if im making something im spending less time with them #and i like my job so much. i really do. i even considered just saying fuck it and going into library sciences #but i still come home barely able or willing to talk sometimes. and i dont know how to fix that #and i feel so unfulfilled and extremely lonely even tho i have friends #but i can barely get myself to draw or write even when i have so many ideas #i feel so uncomfortable in my body and so tired of trying with therapists and doctors #all of it makes me so anxious i feel sick #so Frustrated i feel dizzy. and then i still cant do anything!!!! #i dont want to live here anymore i just want to be with everyone else. but everyone is moving away or planning to. us included #but no one in the same place. it makes me so sad #i dont know what to do or how to do it when i dont have motivation to do the bare minimum #maybe i just like torturing myself by thinking i can do the things i want instead of aceepting i cant. :/ cringes #for anyone that has somehow read this far ill be ok in like 20 minutes im just having a moment dw. im fine. will handle it like an adult #and not spend to much time thinking about this

[bunnihearted]

sometimes i fantasize abt being the one with the clingy gf instead of being the clingy gf ㅠㅠ

#like... #getting tons of texts all the time. having playlists made for me. uhh what else do the clingy gf do??? #ask me abt every single detail of my day and life and personality. hmm write love letters to me. make a collage book w memories for me #read a book where on girl did that for the others and she belittled it and ridiculed her and i was like WTF?!?!? #if a gf did that to me i would DIE FOR HER!!!!! wtf that is so cute #i dont know sometimes i just think that'd be nice #to instead of being the clinger i'd have her clingy for me #well it's all just daydreams idk i was just imagining a scenario w a gf who blew up my phone when i was at work #i dont have a job but like it was all a fantasy lmaoooo. and ig the thought is nice bc irl #im the clingy one and i feel so anxious bc i mean im so fucking annoying and i talk way too much and i psuh everyone away being so awful #idk if 'she' would be clingy w me i like now i love her and can reassure her #so rlly its just all about me..... hmmm selfcest? 👀

[descriptionofaruby]

my throat feels stingy when i swallow now. this is so epic

#ventposting #it probably wasnt flour right. the bowl was used for cooking so it would have been near flour #but if you wash something out even badly or perfunctorily the flour would probably wash out right #i dont get it. i dont get it. what wasnt washed off properly. what wasnt washed off to make my throat sting like wtf #im gonna kill someone #how do you not know how to wash a fucking bowl #it's called feel the bowl with your hands that you have while youre washing it to make sure its clean #why does it sting argh #if i look anything up i'm going to be insanely anxious for the rest of the day so i cant do that. why does it sting for christs sake

[lightfulonion]

thank you @skijjiki for tagging me!!!! i love these types of tagging games so much!!

last song: Tokyo Calling by ATARASHII GAKKO! (pls watch the music video. its so good 😭) im kind of, sort of, obsessed with this and i have been listening to it non-stop like my life depends on it. anyway

fav color: hmm im really feeling brown right now (wow! that sounds awful! im not changing my answer tho. brown rules.)

currently reading: im able to read only fanfics at the moment because anything that involves a book and new characters feels like too much work for me for some reason and also like im cheating at my classes in university. both of these suck big butt and i hate being like this but it's true. anyway please read a million times along the way by starsqwub. its a bokuaka fic, it hasnt updated since 2022 and it made me cry every chapter. its about love, its about friends, its about being a weird person in a normal world and, more importantly, its about bokuto and akaashi. oh! also manga like chainsaw man and toilet bound hanako-kun!! and some webcomics as well too.

currently watching: the wall mostly but also dungeon meshi! and ive been trying to be up-to-date with the one piece anime!!

spicy/savory/sweet: sweet <3

relationship status: i was reading a bokuaka fic and i was crying. take a wild guess.

current obsessions: listening to Tokyo Calling and ATARASHII GAKKO! apparently and im starting to feel like reading the ending of Haikyuu!! which is probably a bad thing?? (im scared. i really dont want it to end :'((( )

tagging: @livingonyoghurtandspite, @horson, @clementinethekitten, @pierogish, @alcieside, @mars-matrix, @peachybeesplease, @mangatxt.

#get tagged #guys. we get (got?) the movie this year. really scared to ask whats next. #i had goofy funny things to share but i forgot them while writing this im sorry u_u #i went home to my mom for a few days and i had 'the end of the beginning' by djo stuck in my head the whole time #and i visited my friends from high school and im kinda sad about the years passing. a quiet kind of sad but sad nonetheless. #like 'my childhood room is too small for me now' kind of sad and nostalgic #i have many things in my brain that are rolling around like pointy rocks and i need to get them out somehow without hurting myself #anyway #pretend i said something really funny and truly profound here instead of. whatever that is. #also i have listened to ATARASHII GAKKO!'s whole discography and its really really good #and i STILL havent been able to read bnha!! :(( #i havent been able to be up-to-date with chainsaw man or toilet bound hanako kun and i also NEED to read dungeon meshi AND haikyuu and- #i really love dungeon meshi so far. its so good and i got so excited on the last episode when they put falin's bones in order. that was #so cool. and the bath scene............ yeah. #if you dont want to do this guys is okay btw. im always saying this but i do need you to know because i feel anxious when i dont do them bu #also when i dont tag people. i dont want you to feel like that. #onion talks #ok thats all! bye bye!! hope you have a nice day!!!!! #Youtube

[gifti3]

Im cursing [REDACTED] right NOW

#god i better never have contact with this guy again or i might flip out on him #im about to ramble about my past “dating" adventures (we were casual but sheesh cant even be friends with this guy tbh) #im realizing months later how much this guy i used to talk to sucked #like DUDE be a better or stay single FOREVER (ΘдΘ) #and by that i mean learn how to better handle approaching others feelings! #god the way he would just shutdown others ppls feelings and it was just an endless loop of “that doesnt make sense” or “thats dumb” #sure emotions can be irrational but if someone is desperately TRYING to explain why they feel a way (even if theyre struggling to be clear) #maybe dont be so dismissive #like literally one time i was annoyed cause talking to him was grating on my nerves #and i was like ik it doesnt make sense so let me step away cause im annoyed #and hes like trying to logic me out of my annoyance??? #like worstie im literally walking away so i can cool off #leave it be! #god looking back on all this.... #i hope to god whoever hes talking to (if hes talking to anyone) isnt dealing with similar things #ppl can change so ill just hope for that #or maybe he'll meet his match #someone who reflects the same energy he has! #tho im not sure if hed like that haha #the guy seemed to have a lot of relationship problems in general (romantic and platonic) and i wanted to have the benefit of the doubt #but now im thinking maybe his personality was also just clashing with everyone elses #which isnt necessarily a bad thing on its own #gotta get context for everything u know #but in this case....naur #like im a pretty anxious person so how ppl i care about will react to what im doing or saying is constantly at the back of my mind! #so ppl who just come off as flippant about my fee fees annoy me fr #im like “ahh what if i upset so and so” constantly #trying to make sure not to make things harder for them #and they cant even spare me a single thought before doing something and dismiss me when i get upset #but also they wanna come to me when theyre feeling sad about something???