#im just full body exhausted

[oathfeared]

I'll be back to normal soon my lovely doodles. Things just have not been good on the home front and I need to take care of them first so I can relax enough to be here. I love & miss you all.

#im hoping to get some actual sleep tonight #im just full body exhausted #ii 。 out of character

[lemontongues]

[to the tune of your body is a wonderland] my body is a nuclear wasteland

#sage talks #started my period like an hour and a half ago and ohhh my god its kicking my ass o(-( #i almost never take pain meds when im on my period bc the pain never gets worse than like. moderate with moments of moderate-high #but we are in full moderate-high with moments of WHAT THE FUCK territory so. i took an advil and now im gonna try to take a nap skdbfkd #and this on top of just. my usual 'what the fuck is wrong with my body why am i exhausted etc etc'

[thisloveforyourmom]

"STOP LOOKING UP PUZZLE SOLUTIONS STOP SPOILING YOURSELF YOU'RE RUINING GAMES FOR YOURSELF YOU'RE DOING IT WR-" if i hadn't already known hollow knight's story i never would have played it and if i hadn't googled how to do some of the puzzles i wouldn't be as far in it as i am now. some of us prefer the enjoyment of coming into community more than the satisfaction of solving a puzzle and some of you guys need to learn to cope with that

#for gods sake i am a filthy casual with a job who doesnt want to also spend my off hours being frustrated that i dont know what to do #hollow knight #genuinely. im having a good time #i dont know why its so weird to think that i can enjoy experiencing it even if on some level i already know whats going to happen #yall rewatch movies all the time! you replay games and reread books! obviously the mood has not been killed! #like it would drive you guys insane to know i dont get much joy out of defeating a boss ive been trying for an hour #i just get exhausted and glad it's over with #occasionally a little clever but not enough to justify all the anger and frustration #yknow what i do enjoy? having the full game context so i can engage with fanworks and run around doing silly little tasks #with my silly little bug body!

[girlwithfish]

been sick as fuck and i dont get lunch im so tired i dont have energy to do anythingg

#think my body is just exhausted from the past two days of puking and period cramps and diarrhea 👍👍👍 #and ive barely eaten full meals bc im too scared of getting sicker etc

[mikoriin]

man....sometimes i wish i could quit my job and go back to freelancing but i literally cannot make enough off of freelancing to make ends meet. i pay rent, buy my own groceries, and pay my bills. plus my medicine. like i do Not get commissions and stuff when i charge what i actually think my art is worth...so im stuck working at my very taxing job that exhausts me to the point of not being able to partake in my passions because i am just so fucking. tired.

#i work in fast food so u can imagine my body pain and exhaustion at the end of the day #and tbh i dont know how im gonna pursue my dream of art if im working there full time #plus i think they wanna promote me to manager someday so im like uhhh.... #i just rly miss my art #my stories #consuming media #hours are being cut rn and im stressed about that too cause i only make fun 12 an hour #vent tag #sorry idk im just blah

[aropride]

i need to eat more but when i eat more one day u know what happens. the next day i have to do it all again. and guess what fucking happens the next day. sick of it

#text #i need food to feul my body but dear god it is exhausting #nothing looks good and im never hungry and when i am hungry i get full so fast and its EXHAUSTING!!! #i had a normal dinner today AND a breakfast AND a snack. youre tellingn me i have to do all that again tomorrow #and then every single day after that for the rest of my life. whatbthe fuck. #cant i just gain weight nd muscle without trying please #sighs. #ed tw #disordered eating tw #arfid my best friend arfid. jumps off a cliff

[e-6000]

°

#I'm hungry but I can't make myself food when there are people in the kitchen and there are never not people in the kitchen and I'd like to #have a scream about it tbh bc I think I'd be far less tired if I actually ate full meals and shit #but I can't do that if im being observed in the kitchen jfc #I live with my grandparents and they spend practically all their time in there since the kitchen is also the living area #and I know it's unfair of me to be irritated about it because my grandmother is recovering from hip surgery rn but I just can't keep doing #this. I shouldn't be this exhausted all the time there's no reason #food should not be this much of a struggle I am so tired of dealing with body maintenance

[bibleofficial]

turns out it’s probably a small fracture ❤️ gotta call orthopedics tomorrow to make sure it’s nothing worse 🤩

#stream #i’m literally just #can i go a single year without going to the fucking er or a health problem of some kind #like oh my god #so i’m just going to break something every year #like ok thanks once i hit 30 im going to b the fish in the full body cast w glass jones & paper skin #like physically mentally & emotionally my body has been broken down #& i fucking HATE asking for help or getting help like #i fully intended on coming home today & doing laundry & shit but i fucking can’t bc i can barely stand #i’m hopping around 1 legged i’m in this fucking brace so i can’t bend my knee at all i’m fucking immobile & i rely entirely on my family & i #fucking hate it im absolutely fucking miserable like i HATE having to be dependent #but now i’m having to accept the help bc i physically cannot do anything & i feel fucking worse bc i’ve such a bad attitude bc im fucking #miserable i can’t smoke cigarettes i’m breaking down i’m nearly out of weed im exhausted in general im just #y’all #like i can’t do this anymore 😭😭😭 #like ok i can’t have my health i can’t have my sanity bro i can’t even have MONEY what CAN I HAVE #AGENCY ?? GONE #anyway #i cant even fucking drink w the amount of ibuprofen i’m taking now #lord knows my stomach can’t take THAT #IT CANT TAKE ANYTHING SINCE SHE GOT WRECKED TOO

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#today in things that stress me out. my academic interests have diverged significant from what i do in the lab #which is nice on one hand bc i am v passionately interested in something sciency again and it feels like its been a while since that #happened. but on the other hand it means that my workaholic tendencies are no longer being applied to my actual job #like im kind of just doing normal hours for like actual job stuff. which stresses me tf out bc i never feel like im doing enough #and my overdoing it has transfered over to drawing way too much in one sitting while listening to paleo podcasts and trying #to memorize the geologic time scale #so im still overextending bc im focused all the time and i dont sleep enough but its not applied to my job #and part of my brain cant handle that so it forces me to suffer no matter what. sigh. stupid exhausting brain #and i know im being irrational about it which somehow makes it worse #but idk i guess maybe its a little more healthy bc im trying to do something i like in my free time. even if im still overdoing it #like idk if i can express how exhausting it is to like something but ur brain forces u to think abt it all the time and feel guilty abt #thst being ur focus but u cant help it. and its like grinding chalk into the sidewalk. i just burn out on the things i like so fast #bc i cant regulate. im astounded that ive been on this narut0 kick for like 7months bc so often my obsession makes me so tired #but here i am. still staying strong dattebayo hahaha. nah it has been nice not to find anything new tho lol #sigh... idk i just got way way too close to like full on mental collapse with my photosynthesis measurements so im trying to get the #warmth back into my body before i have to jump back into that frozen water #i think i have at least another month before the machines get back and then ill have at least 3 or 4 projects to run samples for #was it wise of me to agree to doing all that? no absolutely not. but the data will be interesting #and itll be helpful. and literally no one else wants to do it so here i am. damaging myself for science. ay ay ay #whatever. im going off to do field work next week with my boss so maybe thatll get me out of my head #unrelated

[cinnamon-grump]

Sorry to all my neighbors who just heard me have an absolute mental break on the porch and scream my lungs out at 10pm…

I’m tired of me too

#shut up ashwyn #now.. punching a planter and splitting a knuckle for the first time in my life..? u might not do that #but i sure did… #im so fucking exhausted #and this bitch is making my every waking moment a nightmare #as if the shit at work wasn’t bad enough #no where is safe and no moment can be peaceful #and idk what this bitch EXPECTS from us when she blatantly disregards every polite request we make #and everything we say PLEASE DONT she does it ten fold #but then we’re the assholes #for every reason under the sun but ESPECIALLY because ‘i dont feel like i can use my own house’ #well that sounds like bullshit bc you use it constantly #and ONLY ever fucking go to clean up or do things when it is absolutely the most inconvenient time #ie: it’s 10am on a Friday and it is well established that this is one of very few SCHEDULED times we ask for quiet #and she decides to get up and do shit in the kitchenat EXACTLY the moment I’m just getting close to sleep #and then i’m up for at least another hour while she bangs shit around #and because we’ve asked her not to it feels flat out malicious.. #so this last time i fucking confronted her and now she’s salty with me and cornered me to ask ‘when its safe to use my kitchen’ #bitch first of all we TOLD you already.. in physical format so u could reference back…. anD YET #i had a stress induced.. fucking idk full body muscle spasm?? like idk if it qualified as a siezure but it was near debilitating #i was shivering uncontrollably for an hour while she did shit in the kitchen #idk what im saying anymore im so fuckin burnt out and everything hurts #and she gets to just sit in her room and watch some show and pretend she’s the victim all because i got fed up and spoke up for myself #i just want to fucking leave this place #i never want to see her stupid fucking face again

[orcelito]

Thankfully the only injury I got was the leg bruise.. but that wasn't even from the shipment lmao. I was trying to find smth from our storage room to prop the hallway doorway open with & there is this like.... idk, INCREDIBLY heavy box of like. Linoleum tiles I think?? It's only like a foot squared by like six inches high. Not very big but oh LORD it's heavy. Perfect for propping a door open!

Or so I thought. Got down in a crouch, gave it a hefty lift... but that thing Has to be like close to a hundred pounds bc I can lift 50 pounds with ease. I lifted it, but it was still Way Too Much. So I fumbled it, & it hit my leg as I dropped it to the ground.

I went and found a smaller box of coconut milk that was MUCH lighter & used that to prop the door open instead lol

#speculation nation #the bruise is soooo annoying. a good 6 inches long of a bruise. i can feel it anytime i crouch. #but im glad i didnt get hurt any other way. aside from a few lightly squished fingers. #moving That many boxes... injury is definitely possible #there were a good 700+ boxes in that shipment. neighbor store lent us their electric pallet jack thank God #bc it's a long hallway with hills up to our store. made it easier to get up there #but we had to move a lot of things to try to consolidate pallets. and oh yea NONE of these were pre-packed pallets #we had moving help to pack them from the truck onto the pallets. but we only had 2 of the 4 guys we were supposed to have. #a full fucking semi truck of free boxes. so of course the pallets of boxes werent wrapped or anything #WHICH meant a lot of the boxes were precarious. and did indeed fall off. #and we didnt have enough fucking pallets so we had to move So many fucking boxes once we got them to the storage room #to try to put them in every nook and cranny of the room #im just a tiny lil person but i was there lifting aaall these boxes above my head. holy shit. #my body rebelled so hard bc it was sooo angry at me for pushing it past the point of exhaustion lol #rly hoping the ppl who worked as movers get bonuses for that shit bc Wowwwwww that was pretty fuckin awful lol #havent gotten a shipment this big in like 2 years. Man.

[rainswings]

.

#idk i feel like there are specific problems that crop up for other people around specific disabilities #thay doesnt mean people woth disabilities are evil or that causing them makes you a bad person #but there is a form of emotional abuse that occurs more frequenrly woth depressed people than in other situations #living with a full size person with body difficulties that needs help from you can cause body issues for you #i remember my grandfather getting his hip messed up because he was the full time carer for my nona ehen she started going #i DO think theres depression abuse actually. and i do think narcissistic abuse exists too. #not that theyre inherent nor that thwyre exclusive!! #but that they're more commonly associated together #also frankly just fucking exhausted after hours with my severely autistic cousin #shes 17 and acts about as mature as the 9 year old. oftentimes less mature #and the toll she takes on the family can be a lot. doesnt make her less of a person or a bad person or whatever #but that shes a lot #idk. i get this is the site for having the problems but i do think talking about the effects on other people is fair. #im tired #glad to go home tomorrow

[polaraffect]

"to get rid of sleep deprivation headaches, you should sleep between 7-9 hours at night-" no fucking shit google, do you think i would be googling this rn if i could sleep???

#damien.txt #day 4 in a row of not being able to sleep at night and having to go into work with god awful headaches #i know i've seriously fucked up my sleep schedule and so it's a bit my fault but like. jesus fucking christ brain can we please #have one nice thing. just one nice little time where we sleep and it's all good and fine #i literally have an exam today /: and it's a 3:30 class so im going to be dead on my fucking feet #and technically i have a night class from 6:30-9:20 but i've already decided im not going because i think i will actually pass out in it #this is really bad for me because so genuinely caffeine doesn't work on me. so i am full raw-dogging the exhaustion #and every single day this week has gone at a snail's pace bc i've been so tired. and none of it feels real. like im not processing it #which is so bad bc literally im like a week and a half away from finals. i have SO much to do. but my body has given up fr #probably Because im so stressed. but it's making me more stressed #everything is so cyclical. fuck. i just want to sleep. but i have to get ready for work #wish me luck /:

[euphoricfox]

It's been over 3 weeks now that I've been feeling sick and exhausted with a fluctuating temperature thats been over 99 most evenings.

#and i cant think #tired of being behind on things #i broke down sobbing yesterday because ive just been hurting and miserable for so long #full body exhaustion on top of my stomach issues i always have and im supposed to keep up with my schoolwork somehow #covid rant #personal #life just sucks so fucking much right now

[writingbrainrot]

I see we (society) are still fetishising people who have a lower income and standard of living than us.

How pleasant/s

#frolicking in the fields and picking berries my ass #fuck off/gen #my bug allergy alone ensures i can't fucking frolick #it's more like being kitted out in full bee protective gear or literally shaking my entire body every 10 seconds like im a fucking horse #there is nothing pleasant about that in fact it's exhausting and i'm bedbound the day after #so lovely~/s #and just in case it's not clear #ofc i wish i was able bodied enough to be able to just enjoy nature but that's not the point #the point is people holding something unachievable by most if not all as a standard that should be the norm when it would literally harm #so. many. people. #(also i might be wrong but i think a vast majority of people dont like parasites or getting bugs flying into their mouth) #(so idk how they think they can only get the flora of the world and not the fauna)

[vanillabat99]

I've been remembering my nightmares a lot lately and they're starting to get to me a little bit. (CW for brief descriptions of violence/assault/unreality and venting)

Last night's was a weird one. It was the first time in my nightmares where me saying "no" was even remotely respected. I'm so used to having my begging be ignored and ending up experiencing something I do not want to think about. I don't know how to feel about it. It's a really weird mix, having something like that happen and also moments later watching people get their skulls drilled open while they are awake and screaming ._.

The other day, my nightmare included a rotting man in a moldy and disgusting bunny costume, where he would stand perfectly still until I got close and then he would lunge out and grab me. I think he's gonna be burned into my brain for awhile.

Ever since one nightmare, I've been getting the occasional hallucination of everything tasting like lighter fluid. It's disgusting. A different nightmare has caused me to feel sick at the sight of meat.

I feel like I've tried everything when it comes to dealing with nightmares. Therapy hasn't had any impact and medications made things worse. With the way my dreams work, "changing the channel" (or similar strategies) is not possible. I've tried changing my environment, my diet, my schedule, and nothing works. I feel like I will never be rid of the nightmares.

It's so hard when I never know if I'm dreaming or not. My nightmares and memories are all mixed up and I can't always tell them apart. Everything I experience in my dreams feels so real, and it stays with me when I wake up. It's so awful.

I hope tonight isn't so bad, but it's not like there's anything I'd be able to do about it ._.

#im okay im just so tired ._. #its been like this my whole life. so as awful as it is. im used to it. #the only thing that can sometimes make me feel better is (ironically) horror media. #i find a lot of comfort in horror due to my nightmares. seeing characters go through similar things as my dreams. #finding horror that makes me feel normal is the best thing for dealing with post-nightmare grossness. #it doesnt feel good to engage in positive/wholesome stuff when my head is full of awful images. #but seeing body horror. monsters. violence. that remind me of my fresh dream? very comforting. #ive been experiencing Skin Bugs a lot lately and its been stressing me out. which isnt helping with the usual nightmare stress. #again im safe and okay. just exhausted in every capacity. #thanks for reading this. means a lot. #batty blogging #text