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#in my mind peoples genders are just. the way they express themselves.
trans-estinien · 28 days
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i love being autistic cause sometimes i get a glimpse into how regular people perceive things and its like. what the fuck. what the fuck is that? you live like this? and its normal?? i think YOURE the weird one actually. im fine. thanks though.
#THERES SO MANY WEIRD RULES#LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO HOW SOMEONE WALKS LIKE HUH????? WHY????????????#can someone fucking explain the dude head nod thing to me why do we do that. whats that about. ive never seen anyone do that irl before#is that an american thing or do i just hang around too many afab people#i am learning the intricacies of cis people gender rules and i am. what fucking planet have i been on the last 17 years like what is this#was there some like. rulebook they handed out at somepoint they forgot to give to me or something#“best way to learn is to observe the men around you” OBSERVE WHAT. YOU PEOPLE PAY THAT MUCH ATTENTION TO EVERY LITTLE MOVEMENT????#bruh i can barely make eye contact w people...#my ass has never intentionally copied someones mannerisms ever.#i do it subconsciously. but doing it actively feels weird and wrong and like im breaking someones boundaries#“men dont smile at people.” well they should.#ive decided cishet men are the most boring people on the planet#“dont move with your hands” YOURE BREAKING MY POOR THEATER KID HEART#i need to meet more gay men irl to absorb the vibe of cause i only know like two. not counting myself#i want people to look at me and go. ah yes. fruit.#at this point im just going to accept being misgendered for the rest of eternity. id rather die than be boring in the way cishet men are#my flavor of being trans is so influenced by my autism cause my perception of genders is completely off from what everyone else is doing#im like. yeah i want to be a man. and then i look at what the majority of men are actually like and its like. wait no. not like that#shoutout to flamboyant gay men where would i be without them#i think the thing that bothers me the most is that like#in my mind peoples genders are just. the way they express themselves.#its not like. this super big complex deal like how everyone else treats it. if that makes sense? like.#regular people have so many rules for what counts as a man or what counts as a woman or what counts as neither and its like???#you can do what you want???? why do we care????#and ive been doing this since i was little. on account of the autism#i just. dont get why its such a big deal to people.#i cant wrap my head around it at all#not nonbinary not a girl not aegender not a man but a secret fourth thing#(man but i do it my way instead of everyone elses way)#unfortunately doing it my way just. leads to the misgendering dimension. for some reason
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solarisposting · 2 years
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#sooo so often i'll see men like in person or in pictures or film or whatever else#and have intense moments of 'god i wish that were me god i wish i looked moved existed like thag' and so on#but like. i've sat with myself and my thoughts so much over the years since i came out as bi in my own mind#just like. ruminating on gender and identity and how those things work and look in my life#bc like it took 21 years to even entertain not being straight without immediate repression and 23 to come out to myself#so anything's possible!!! but...calling myself a woman feels right and is right. cisgender does feel right and comfortable and good#yet i still have these feelings of...idk wanting masculinity and femininity and androgyny and nothing and everything#while i also feel good and right in my identity as a woman#a queer woman absolutely and of course gender is gonna be more...deliberate i guess when i do perform#aspects of gender as related to my queerness or in certain ways BECAUSE of being bi#and expressing it in how i look act dress carry myself etc#idk man i know i don't have to have an answer or label for everything#but i also feel like all of this is a niggling little itch at the back of my mind#that kind of pops up when i have a moment where i find myself envious of men and also masculinity regardless of the gender of the person#or people performing or embodying it. sometimes in my own mind i 'try on' they as a pronoun. and the deviation from she/her feels important#but 'they' also isn't me i don't think. i know there are endless possibilities for pronouns and they also don't determine gender#mostly i think it's the act of considering how i relate to gender and mine and what it could or couldn't entail more than pronouns in and#in and of themselves#happy pride idk whats happening. my gender and sexuality revolve around 'god i wish that were me' whatever that means!
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neil-gaiman · 8 months
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As a mental health provider working with Gender Diverse teens and adults, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the Good Omens TV series. It's more meaningful than just representation, although that alone has made such a difference. The varied ways all of the characters interface with gender presentation and identity have proven to be such a useful tool to help people talk about and explore what these things mean to them, and to find their way to a more comfortable and authentic understanding of themselves.
It's effective in a way reality isn't, because it's so openly permissive of experimentation and change. So many of my clients feel enormous pressure to "get it right" the first time when trying out new gender expressions. Whether it be a name, pronouns, clothing style, haircut, etc. so many folks are too intimidated to make any moves toward their own comfort for fear they'll "get it wrong" and be seen as somehow less valid if they decide it didn't work for them as well as they initially thought. I love how all of the eldrich beings - but especially Crowley - make changes to their presentation over time or between earth and their respective head offices. And no-one bats an eye. No one even comments on it, they just automatically accept roll with it. That is so monumental and permission-granting for my clients!
So thank you, so very much!!
…also… as a fan and a therapist I would give anything for the opportunity to do couples counseling for Aziraphale and Crowley! This isn't a request or anything, it obviously doesn't fit in-universe. I just giggle every time it crosses my mind.
Much love to you for all your work! (I also adore your novels and short stories. )
I’m so glad. I hadn’t thought of Good Omens as a therapeutic tool.
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bowserwife · 5 months
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The reason the "real vs fake transsexual" divide still exists in the minds of so many trans women is because they are extremely prescriptivist about trans womanhood and more broadly transfemininity. They think there is a correct way to express a certain kind of discomfort with male birth assignment, and it is trans womanhood. Even tgirls who think of themselves as fairly gender-radical fall into this trap. You can see it in the ways they talk about femboys as infiltrators or posers, who are stealing attention and valor from us; or how sissy blogs are gross perverts who harass us, how crossdressers are the same if they're not simply confused and closeted. A lot of these girls would be perfectly fine with crossdressers, sissies and femboys, if they would just wise up and come out as trans women so they could start doing this the right way. And if they're not trans women or don't want to be, then they need to stop acting like we have anything in common, or stop stealing our resources, or stop making cis people hate us more, or some other meaningless complaint. And that's not even getting into how western-centric it is to place transfemininity as the end-all-be-all of AMAB dysphoria expression. It's all the same stuff, it's all essentialism. Crossies and sissies and femboys and whatever else are my sisters and my brothers and I love them.
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ftmtftm · 10 months
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This isn't something I have fully articulated thoughts on yet but honestly? I really do think that transandrophobia and the way people who talk about their experiences with it are isolated is, in part, why transmedicalism existed (exists still? I'm very detached from that discourse now) as a primarily trans man/trans masc dominated ideology.
I'm going to share my own experience and I can only speak for myself here, but when I was a really isolated late teen/early 20-something dealing with a lot of unresolved trauma re: my assault (that happened as a result of me coming out as trans to an ex), some immediate family's reaction to my transition being "well why can't you just be a masculine woman", and frustration about not being able to medically transition yet combined with the mid-2010's pressure to be a non-threatening feminine soft boy, I got sucked into transmedicalism.
I do want to be upfront and recognize a lot of my feelings at the time were a trauma response and projection. I recognize this now but I had no resources to recognize that then. I just want to make it clear from the start that I know my own thinking was flawed, that's why I'm reflecting on it openly so others can potentially recognize something that resonates here within themselves and grow.
Getting back into it though- I felt really triggered all the time in general trans spaces because of that 2010's culture. I felt pressured to be feminine or a woman in trans spaces online, just like I did around my ex or at home. I didn't want to undercut my masculinity or manhood for other people's comfort, especially not for other trans people who I felt should've understood. In contrast to this though, transmedicalist spaces and the trans men within them DID actually offer the support I was asking for. I was actually given space to talk about my assault and the pressures I was experiencing with a bunch of other trans men/trans mascs who understood it for the first time, ever really.
The idea of "there is a medical explanation for gender dysphoria that can be treated with medical transition" was also really comforting to my traumatized mind that kept thinking "if I'm open about my assault someone is going to accuse me of just being traumatized and not actually trans, if medicine is on my side I can prove them wrong" Which - let me be clear again - was a very traumatized way of thinking. I do not think that way anymore thanks to therapy and cultivating a healthier relationship with my body and gender and transness. I was not the only trans man with a history of assault that felt this way in the transmed community at the time though.
And I'm not justifying any of this ideologically right? Like. Transmedicalism is fundamentally flawed and incorrect in many of its ideas about sex, gender, and gender identity. Many people who believe in transmed ideology spout some absolutely horrible, transphobic bullshit on the regular and often align their ideology with conservatism and TERFs. I'm not here to defend transmedicalism.
What I am saying is this: It makes sense that a group of ostracized individuals who felt like they had no space to express their traumas would cling onto transmedicalism because it was the only ideological community giving them space to talk about it. Hate movements thrive on preying upon those kinds of vulnerable, traumatized people.
I'm just thinking about a lot of the friends I met via transmedicalism back then and now they're all either TERFs with a lot of repressed trauma and internalized transphobia that I've since cut off completely or they had a similar realization to myself and discovered their attachment to transmedicalism was rooted in trauma and a desire for trans masc community, addressed it, and now they live much healthier, happier lives.
I'm losing steam fast thinking about all of this because recounting trauma takes a physical toll on one's body BUT tl;dr I really do think if we had healthier spaces to address trans male/trans masculine traumas within the wider trans community via conversations about transandrophobia back 5+ years ago we wouldn't fully be here now wrt: how large transmedicalism became as a movement. I genuinely think I wouldn't have been sucked into that space if there had been more resources and space to talk about the experiences I was having, all of which are things people naming transandrophobia are trying to address in healthy manners.
I think healthy, open, conversations about transandrophobia in wider community spaces can do so much good to protect people who were in vulnerable positions like I was and can absolutely potentially prevent more people from getting sucked into the false support offered by hate movements within our own community.
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simp4konig · 8 months
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König jealous of your dog headcannons
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Word count: Definitely more than 2😎 🗿Honest to God i have no idea whay the word count is 🤦🏼‍♀️These were mewnt to be short headcannons yet as PER USUAL i got carried away 🤡🤡not abt to copynpaste every single paragraph individually into a word counter
*Slow burn
*Established relationship with König
*⚠️Google Translate German!!⚠️ (sorry guys ...💔)
*Not requested 😋😋 just something that's been on my mind.
*Pls dont worru about rqs guys!!😨 Writing two of tjem atm but I jus wanted to post this first (so my profile isnt as barren as the Sahara desert🏜️while i work at a pace that is slower than that of a turtle 🐢)! :)
*Also how tf do people make their bullet points look so good??? is it a formatting thing or sum cuz im ACTUALLT crippled 😰😰
...
König really didn't want to be jealous of your dog. He didn't.
He hadn't anticipated he would ever feel that way, especially towards a dog, of all things.
Despite not being the type to be jealous — at least, not from his perspective; he was only looking out for his darling! — his eyes would narrow whenever a soldier would approach you, being far too handsy with a stranger. His partner. It made his blood boil.
Sure, König would always stare down whoever made the mistake of flirting with you or introducing themselves with playful banter while behind you. Clearing his throat, a tense hand was placed gently yet firmly on your shoulder.
"Hör auf, mit meinem Schatz zu reden, sonst breche ich dir das Genick."
Not understanding a word of what he said, they would cower in fear nonetheless, getting the message with how he'd had spat that sentence and the venom in his voice. Glancing at their wrist despite wearing no watch, they'd insist that they were running out of time and literally run away.
When you'd look up at him in confusion, König looked back down at you innocently, paraphrasing that he had simply said you were taken.
A facepalm from you. "God, König..." you'd groan, unable to stop the silly smirk from stretching itself on your face. "You nearly made that guy shit himself. Please don't do that again."
König would likewise always straighten himself to his full height and cast a menacing shadow at the dummkopf who dared speak poorly of you.
Once they'd mumble rushed apologies and speed-walk away, you'd see him glowing with an adoring expression in his eyes, a complete 180° to the death stare he shot at the recruit and the hand gesture he made at his throat seconds before.
König would always rest a large hand on your lower back to guide you in crowds, keeping you close beside him to further drive in the point that you were strictly off limits.
Really though, he wasn't jealous. Not in the slightest!
He rationalised his behaviour as looking out for you. In no way was he being overbearing or overly territorial; if anything, people were pushing your already established boundaries and he was reminding people of them! He wasn't jealous at all, no.
Behind closed doors, however, he'd be quieter than usual and have a vulnerable look in his eyes, desperate for your reassurance and to hear you say that you loved him.
Deep down, he was insecure.
That good-looking man didn't make you swoon, did he? Why were you laughing so hard at his joke? He wanted to have made you laugh like that. You still loved him, though, didn't you? You wouldn't want to be with anyone else, right? Right?
It wasn't that König didn't trust you. Although this Colonel looked fierce in front of his collegues and used his booming voice to command others with a harsh tone he found it difficult to project at a large crowd, he had always been sensitive in secret. Being bullied in childhood could certainly do that to a person.
You were the only one he trusted to see his insecurities, and would always shower him with love and affection in private, reassuring him that yes, he was still your sweet and handsome König, and yes, of course you still loved him — that guy that got a laugh out of you was only one out of pity, as he gave you the ick anyways.
One afternoon while you two were eating dinner, König had out of the blue been the one to suggest the idea of a pet; a strong, big, intimidating dog that would protect you while he himself couldn't.
In all actuality, he had been thinking this over since the day you two started dating.
After all, as much as he'd had liked to clone himself and have one part of him fighting when duty called while the other part stayed with you to protect you at home, obviously that wasn't achievable. That afternoon seemed most appropriate to bring it up, as he was assigned for a mission in two weeks' time and was already worried sick over you despite still yet to be around you at all times for twelve more days.
You laughed, surprised by his sudden suggestion. In a way, you had already had a guard dog all along, you told him, yet König shook his head vehemently, insistent. "Nein! Was ist, wenn du verletzt bist? What if you get hurt while I am away? I won't allow it!"
Shaking your head in defeat as an amused smile was tugging at your lips, you couldn't really blame your boyfriend for being so paranoid. In a sense, he was justified in thinking so, and you couldn't fault him, him being a soldier — a Colonel — and all.
König himself came to the conclusion that you should have a German-Shepherd — "A big, strong, and intelligent dog" — smiling proudly as he said so. Laughing at his need to prove himself to you and his evident enthusiasm that proved he was deadly serious, you shook your head again with a sincere smile on your face and gave his forehead a kiss. Really, his concern over you was endearing, and you loved him so much.
On the day before the mission of his, he surprised you by leading in a fully-grown German Shepherd into your shared home as he carried a large dufflebag over his shoulder. Although you had wanted to have a puppy, König insisted a trained canine used in the police force and military operations would keep you safe, and he was firm, not budging even when you mustered the best puppy-dog eyes you could. He knew best, and he needed to relieve the anxiety that plagued him when you weren't around immediately. Finally having use for the connections he had made in his position, he was able to bring home on of Kortac's own German-Shepherds.
Standing with a self-assured manner, the dog didn't hesistate in showering you with love once the lead came off, lapping and licking at your face in excitement at seeing his new owner's face.
You laughed out loud when you saw a tactical dog collar around his neck, the same khaki colour that matched König's cargo pants. Another piece of König to remind you of him.
Still standing, König watched with his arms crossed and a huge smile across his face as he saw how happy you were. He was beginning to breathe easy with the knowledge that nothing would come to harm you while he was away.
Tongue out while panting, the dog waited expectantly under you for an order.
You looked up at König, eyes sparkling in child-like excitement. "Can he do tricks?"
Smiling, König's eyes crinkled in his love for you. "Schatz, it can do more than just tricks. It can protect you. And it will."
You looked down at the giant yet sweet dog, and raised your voice slightly.
"Sit." He did so without hesitation.
"Handshake," you prompted, and he offered his paw to you obediently.
"Stay..." you began, a finger in front of his snout, "stay..."
"Good boy!" you squealed, and fed him a dog treat from the one of the XXL bags König had bought for the occasion, along with a mountain of dog toys, and even a bed.
"What are clever boy you are, aren't you? Yes you are! You are!"
König crouched, and pet the top of the dog's head a couple of times, his eyes on you. "What do you want to call it, meine Liebe?"
Pausing, all at once it occured to you. With joyful satisfaction, you exclaimed: "Prince!" You giggled, barely able to contain your happiness. "Our Prince to my sweet, handsome King," you cooed, not failing to notice the way König looked away, his cheeks under the eye holes of his hood reddening at your comment.
While away from you for weeks, even months at a time, he could rest easier knowing that you weren't all alone at home. Although he still worried for you excessively, biting his nails when in his room as he thought over how you could be doing and what you were doing at any given time, at least he wouldn't toss and turn at night thinking over what could happen to you. He'd smile in satisfaction, pleased that his presence would still linger even when he wasn't physically there, finding comfort in the fact that a part of him still remained with you when he was hundreds of miles away.
You, on the other hand, were so happy! Obviously you were overwhelmed with the responsibility — quite frankly, you had never had a dog before, much less one this big — so you struggled to take care of it in the beginning. Knowing what food to feed it, how to keep it entertained, going so often outside you'd flop on a chair in exhaustion was physically and mentally demanding, as you wanted your canine companion to love you unconditionally and not be a bad owner to it at all.
However, it all quickly became routine to you: walking your guard dog as his ears were perked up in alertness, head darting around from side to side; playing with it in the park, and spoiling it with treats when you'd get home; and grooming his soft, dark fur and taking him to vet checkups almost made you wonder how you had managed to live this long without ever owning a pet.
Whenever you'd make yourself some food, you filled his bowl with dog food too. Whenever you had just stepped out of the shower, it would be your dog's turn to be cleaned in the bathtub. Whenever you would lazily lay on the sofa or sprawl yourself on the bed, your dog was cuddled up to you.
It was all fun and games, though, until he'd damn near suffocate you with his sheer mass and make you sneeze from the fur that tickled your nostrils, but you slowly grew used to it, using your German Shepherd as a weighted blanket and hugging it like it was your own child.
Somehow, this furry friend filled a void that König would leave behind, and you practically were both attached by the hip — well, by the ankle and hind leg, actually, but that's beside the point. You two were inseparable, and if König knew that then he'd be surely overjoyed.
When König finally had some precious minutes to himself, the first thing he'd do was call you, wanting to hear your voice and make sure you were alright. He'd nearly trip over his own two feet as he scrambled for his phone to dial your number, nearly knocking over a lamp and falling over some furniture in the process.
You'd pick up on the second ring and would nearly go deaf upon hearing the loud accented voice on the receiver. "Liebling! How are you, my sweet? I have been missing you!"
You two would exchange these sorts of questions and proclamations of love back and forth, so lovey-dovey that some of the more daring operators in König's faction made gagging noises on the other side of the door, while the more serious operators scolded them and reminded them that they were yet to feel the touch of another man/woman.
As König would listen to your ramblings about how happy you were and your lovely German Shepard, however, his ears perked up and he listened more closely.
"Prince is so lovely! He's my sweet baby and I love him so so so much! He's definitely my best friend right now, 100%. Everyone back home is getting pissy with me when I don't answer their calls because I spend more time with him than I do with them but can you really blame me when I have this beautiful prince? I mean, he's so sweet! Whenever I don't wake up at the same time in the morning he's jumping into bed and licking my face and oh my God I cannot cope with this cuteness! He's such a good boy! The very best boy! The best boy of all the boys!"
Meanwhile, König stood there, his mouth agape.
...What did you mean he was your sweet baby? Your beautiful prince? Your good boy?
Why would you call him the — not the best, but the very best — boy, the best of all boys? You couldn't have been serious.
It was just a dog. Why were you so attached to it?
It wasn't like König didn't grasp the concept of strong bonds between humans and animals — in fact, he had always been a strong believer of the "dogs being a man's best friend" common knowledge — but... this? You were coddling the thing, for God's sake! It was supposed to be fierce and threatening, not cute and cuddly. How was it supposed to protect you when all you'd do was hug it and give it compliments?
He felt his jaws tighten when you panned the camera down to show the dog peacefully laying beside you on the bed, you stroking his ears. On. The. Bed. On his and your bed. The bed the two of you would sleep on.
König couldn't believe this; he, a grown man, a disciplined soldier that moved up the ranks to be a Colonel, a 6'10 brutal killing machine who l... wanted you to be calling him those things, wanted you to run your fingers through his hair like that. Not some mutt. You were giving it star treatment and pampering it way too much than you should have.
He laughed at himself for thinking so irrationally and for being so immature. I mean, it was a dog. There was no competition to be won, nothing to prove — his rational thought repeated to him that you still loved him regardless — yet the ultimate prize would be you and your attention.
He chuckled disingenuously as you rambled on about something, and the smile under his hood didn't quite reach his eyes.
When he finally returned after grueling months away from you, those pale blue eyes still crinkled up in happiness whenever they saw you, still picked you up and spun you in the air as you'd shriek like a banshee while your legs kicked freely, still gave you a loving kiss on your lips before showering your face with wet kisses. He'd pull away, a boyish grin on his face, his face flushed, your eyes locked with his in an intimate moment...
...And then his mood would sour as your dog leaped up towards you, not wanting to be left out in the reunion.
You'd fail to notice his hands clenched into fists as your dog took the oh so comfortable spot on your lap, where he should have been laying, how below his mask a scowl was aimed at the dog you'd shower with kisses that should have been for him, how the dog would slobber your face and leave it dripping in drool, almost as if it was proving some point to him and being totally smug about it.
Of course, he didn't seem the least bit bothered to you — he wouldn't let his behaviour show. This was utter childishness, completely ridiculous, and absolutely absurd, yet somehow König couldn't control the jealousy that would stew inside of him hours after you'd fall asleep, glaring at the dog laying in between you when all he had wanted all day was to cuddle up to you and hold you close.
Somehow, his plan to keep you safe backfired, because the dog took his job as your body guard too seriously and would not let him be affectionate with you. He was beginning to despise the creature.
When you'd be walking the dog together and shower it with praise, König's hands clenched into tight fists. When you'd stroke the dog's head gently, running your fingers through his thick fur as his front paws were tucked neatly underneath him, König's nails dug into his biceps as he kept his arms firmly crossed, hating what he was seeing through his peripheral vision. When you'd glance at him as your dog was nestled between your legs, he'd turn his head, hiding the furrowed eyebrows and the clear pout on his face of an annoyed child, behaving like an annoyed child.
• In conclusion: give your König a hug. :( A kiss right on the lips and tell him that he's your sweet baby! Your beautiful prince! Your good boy! Your favourite person in the entire world and the best of the best!
• Reserve that precious spot on your lap *just* for him, and allow him to be putty in your hands!
• Run your fingers through his hair just like you would with your dog, and scratch that sensitive spot on his scalp with your fingernails!
• Don't make him regret ever getting the dog for you :'( As time goes on, it will eventually become the "father that didn't want the pet is now best friends with it and the pet is most affectionate with him" kind of dynamic.
• Just because muscular men and army-hardened soldiers like König were disciplined to be stoic and strong, sometimes they want nothing more than affection and words of affirmation from their lover from time to time. <3
So, you'd now lounge on the couch, content with your two guard dogs on either side of you; your Prince laying to your right, and your King in between your thighs, stroking the top of his head as his chest rose and fell at a steady rhythm.
...
Note: Gonna kms 🤡🔫 i have ro to go back to school tmr fucjing WHY i hate everyoje there 😭So yeah less frequent updates sorry guys 💔💔still going to be writing my long-ass fanfictions but itll take more time and ill probs have like 10 mentsl breakfowns daily 🤪 literallt cannot wait 🥰
My writing process is so incomprehensible tho 😭i jump from the first fic im writing to the second one im writing WAYY too often 🗿but ig its good because in a way im not TECHNICALLY procrastinating and beinf productive with 2 projects at once,, tho idk i guess tbats just a major cope if im beinf honest🤷🏼‍♀️
THANKS FOR 1000+ LIKES AND NEARLY 80 FOLLOWERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🎉🎉🎉🎉🎊🎊💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💕💕💕💕 LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF U AND WISH YOU NOTHING BUT HAPPINESS IN LIFE 🥹🥹🥹❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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dollymoon · 9 months
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🍄Mushroom Oasis - Mychael Facts Compilation🍄
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A facts compilation of Mychael from Mushroom Oasis by @deerspherestudios.
All of these come from what they’ve replied in their tumblr! I write these down as the creator, Cheea, has stated them with a few changes/summarizing in some for easier reading.
There may be some light minor spoilers a tiny bit here and there!
The 1st half will be general Mychael information and then the 2nd half with be more Mychael & MC information.
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💚Here’s a NARRATIVE PLAYLIST [by Cheea] based off Day 1 of Mushroom Oasis and a MYCHAEL PLAYLIST [also by Cheea], if you wish to listen to them while reading~💚
💛What made you want to write such an empathetic and slow burn kind of Yandere? [Source 1 & 2] initially it was gonna be a snail monsterman who steals crops out of your back garden and you go out to bonk him on the head only to invite him into your home. Maybe in the future i'll work on the snailboy dating sim </3
But I think I’ve always wanted a cryptid-like yandere for the gamejam when it all started. It was a very barebones concept about a lonely mushroom man who sets up spore traps in order to ensnare and kidnap company. It was supposed to be way creepier and invasive as a oneshot thing, and was never meant to have multiple days in the story. I’m glad I didn’t go in that direction, though. I’m having more fun fleshing out Mychael’s character.
So when I started Mushroom Oasis, I wanted to go for a strangers-to-lovers scenario, instead of starting out with the yandere already smitten with the MC. That way, he gets to know you at the same time as you getting to know him. Hence, the attempt at slow burn haha. I just thought it’d be interesting to try and express it differently. I don’t know if I’m able to execute my intentions well but I’m doing my best! it's gonna be fun writing him as he starts to spiral :-3c Laddie doesn't know what attraction/attachment feels like. Woe be upon ye
💛Was Mychael always going to be named Mychael, or did he have other names upon his initial creation? And does he have a last name? [Source 1 & 2] Always been Mychael! Lorewise he has a different name but MC wouldn’t be able to pronounce it, so he goes by Mychael. And he doesn’t have a last name :-] He’s just Mychael!
💛What species is Mychael? Is he a faerie? [Source] As much as everyone calls him faefolk, he isn't! He's more… monster-oriented I suppose? Creature or cryptid-like. I'm not sure what to categorize him tbh hahaha.
💛Is Mychael over 18? [Source 1 & 2] Oh he’s WAY over 18. He’s way older than he looks.
💛What’s Mychael’s Height? (Dolly’s note🌹): So initially, Mychael’s height was 5'8 but then Cheea said “Mychael is 5'8 (172cm) in the demo! I just wonder if I should've made him a big boi since the beginning but i held myself back 😔” But they didn’t want to make the decision just themselves; thus they made a poll to keep Mychael as is, or to make him taller, taking into account the fan’s wishes as well. The one that won was making Mychael taller. (54.5% vs 45.5%).
And thus Cheea decided his new height would be 6'2. Cheea also added “I think it’s a fair balance since taller Mychael won the majority vote, but a vocal few really liked his original height, so I decided to go in the middle <3”
So yeah his current height is 6’2 (187cm approximately).
💛His sexuality and gender Identity? [Source] He identifies as male with he/him pronouns. And I’ve decided panromantic asexual fits him best! I just don't find him being too sexual tbh. Graysexual at best. Feel free to interpret it differently.
💛Are you okay with NSFW art of Mychael? [Source] 50/50? I’m an adult and so is he as a character. I’d say I wouldn’t mind as long as it’s properly tagged and only the right people have access to it 👍I will not share it on my main blog though but tag it as ‘mushroom oasis nsfw’ or something so people can blacklist it.
💛Mychael’s Headcanon voice? [Source] Jonathan Groff! Particularly his role as Kristoff in Frozen.
💛Can he sing like how Kristoff does in frozen? [Source] I’d imagine he could! He’s not much for singing though, he’s more likely to hum random tunes throughout the day.
💛Are Mychael's scleras just black or is it like a void/empty socket? [Source] He just has black scleras!
💛Does Mychael have tear ducts in his lower eyes? [Source] They do!! The lower eyes basically work like regular eyes, just smaller below his main ones. They can blink independently of each other too.
💛How does Mychael see if he leaves only one pair of his eyes open? It forms a blind spot but depends on which pair he closes! He sees 90% out of his upper eyes and 10% out of his bottom half. His ability also relies on eye contact, so by having both sets locked onto someone else's gaze the influence is stronger. And here’s an illustrated example!
💛Can Mychael see in the dark? [Source] Yes he can see in the dark; his eyes have that tapetum lucidum layer that reflects light in the dark, so they also glow :-)
💛What's Mychael's skin texture like? [Source] Almost human but you can tell something’s different. Eerily smooth, despite his rough palms. If you pinch his cheeks or poke his sides enough times (if he doesn’t get mad at you for it) you’d be able to tell his skin’s a bit thicker than yours. Also like fungi I imagine his skin has chitin. So a bit tougher maybe.
💛Are Mychael's horns and tail soft and fragile like an actual mushroom? [Source] If you mean the shroom-like caps on his head and tip of his tail; soft but definitely not fragile. Think of those cheap squishies with some give but bounce back pretty quick! They’re susceptible to bruising too. 
💛Is Mychael’s tail poisonous? If not, how would Mychael react if someone bit it? [Source 1 & 2] Nop it isn’t poisonous. And like… a straight up bite out of it?? Or a nibble??? If you bit him so hard it takes a piece of his tail it’d hurt and bleed a lot. It’s full of nerve endings but will heal over and regenerate eventually.
If it’s just a nibble you’d just taste dirt and bitterness I think haha. And depending on how close you are to him, he’d either be flustered beyond belief or just downright very uncomfortable hahaha.
💛Is Mychael’s blood blue because some irl creatures have blue blood due to their blood having copper instead of iron or was it for aesthetic reasons? [Source] It was definitely for aesthetic purposes more than anything, since I wanted him to blush a non-human color. One of the earlier concept sketches had him blushing bright magenta haha.
💛What does Mychael smell like? [Source] I’d describe it as freshly cut grass with a hint of log fires. Like camping in summer if that makes sense.
💛Does Mychael purr? [Source] Since im honestly a sucker for the purring trope i'll say hell yea tbh hahaha. His would be a really low rumble I'd imagine. He can also occasionally let out a low trill or those ‘mrrp’ sounds when he’s caught off guard or surprised but it's rare since he's real embarrassed when he does it.
💛Is Michael ticklish? [Source] Considering he’s never been tickled before,,, I think he’d go into shock if you did that to him💀 But to answer your question yeah I think he’d be the most ticklish person you’ve ever met haha. He’s either gonna accept his fate or go down fighting😔
💛Does Mychael snore in his sleep? [Source] He’d be a pretty quiet sleeper I think!
💛Does Mychael get sick? Since he’s not human, he doesn’t get sick like we do:
He’s aware we call it being sick, but his term is ‘feeling withered/wilted.’
He doesn’t have a temperature, but his skin turns pale and blemished like a diseased plant, and gets kinda slimy and cold like a frog’s. Here's a visual of how he looks like sick.
No energy, no appetite, barely talks. Very zombie-ish.
He gets real drowsy and dazed and the only thing to motivate him is seeking out warmth.
He just needs sunshine and sleep to get better so you’d find him laying out in the sun during the day and hiding away in blankets at night, sleeping it off. He only eats once a day, since his body needs rest rather than sustenance.
He gets sick like... once every few years that's how rare it is but when it happens it knocks him out for like a week </3
💛Does Mychael fear metal? What phobias does he have? [Source 1 & 2] No, he doesn’t fear metal and iron wouldn't hurt him! His phobias/fears are: snowstorms, thunder/lightning and water wells. In no particular order :-) (Oh, and trains/train whistles.)
💛Does Michael have any food that he hates? [Source] Anything spicy! He can handle some spice, but anything that gives heat on your tongue he’d definitely be put off since it makes him physically ill.
💛Mychael's life cycle: [Source] His life cycle is very different from a human’s.
💛Does Mychael have his own languge? If so, what does it sound like? [Source 1 & 2] He actually has his own language, but speaks in English (or your own language if you’d prefer!)
His language sounds very animalistic; a lot of growls, hisses and clicks. It’s like hearing a cat verbally communicate with those sounds. If you guys are familiar with Toki Pona, (here’s a video for reference.) the simplicity is very similar in terms of vocab and sentence structure. Considering the limitations of those same growls, hisses and clicks, plus how little he communicates in his own language, it’s not a complex system but he speaks it regardless. He wont be speaking it in-game hence why im okay answering the question.
💛Can Mychael read? [Source] Yep, he can read! He talks about it some more in Day 2.
💛Can Mychael swim? [Source] He’d be able to swim, yeah.
💛How much does Mychael know of human customs/cooking/inventions? And does he like/dislike some of them? [Source] He knows enough to make a living for himself. He’s really into DIY and crafting, but if anything gets more complex to the point it goes over his head- he’d just abandon it. As for human customs he knows even less; it’s kinda touch and go what he does and doesn’t know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ For example, he's seen cars and phones but doesn't understand how they work. Traditional stuff like crafting/cooking/gardening is easier for him to grasp.
💛Does Mychael have any religion/belief? [Source] I’ve played around with this concept in my head! I did want to explore a unique kind of religion/belief Mychael has but,,, eventually I kinda settled on the idea that Mychael broke off from that way of thinking? Or something like that. It can be accepted that he used to have a religion- or never had one to begin with. it's a tricky subject for me anyway </3 But feel free to have your own interpretation!
💛Does Mychael have any superstitions? [Source] His biggest superstition is respecting the forest and whatever happens in the forest, stays in the forest. (That is until you came along and made him break his own rule. Whoops.)
💛What's Mychael’s wardrobe like? [Source] He’s not much for fashion; as long as he thinks it’s practical and comfortable he’d wear it. He wouldn’t be a fan of clothes that’re less weather-resistent though, since he clearly needs stuff that could stand the wilderness.
He doesn’t accessorize much either, preferring to keep simple and be as drab as possible to attract less attention. But I think he’d love to try nail polish :-)) He has a lot of hats and scarves though.
💛Would Mychael be willing to wear a dress? [Source] I’d like to think he’s tried em before! He kinda had to scrap by when it came to clothes so he wouldn’t be picky in his early days.
Nowadays, he probably thinks they’re nice to wear but impractical for his daily chores, so he mostly sticks to tops and bottoms. But he won’t be opposed to it.
💛When did Mychael start knitting and why? [Source] He’s been knitting for a few years, so he’s kinda advanced. As for why, he finds it relaxing especially after a long day, and usually does it before bedtime. Plus he just loves being bundled up in warm things in general.
💛What is Mychael's favorite thing to knit? [Source] His favorite thing to knit are beanies!! :-D
💛What are other craftsmanship does Mychael do? [Source 1 & 2] He’s tried out woodworking, sculpting, candle-making, pottery etc. Knitting just happens to be his favorite of all the things he’s tried haha. Assume Mychaels an expert at gardening too!
💛Does Mychael ever overwork himself to the point of almost passing out? [Source] He definitely used to! It’s not easy making a living out in the wilderness; especially when he only had himself to rely on. Thankfully he doesn’t need to go through that anymore; he’s made a pretty nice home for himself since then. He's been thru a lot. Sopping wet cat energy.
💛How long has Mychael been in his home/cabin for? [Source] Previously he’d wander around like a nomad before finding himself a home. He’s only settled down into his cabin in the woods for a few years, it’s still a work in progress by his standards.
💛Does Mychael like stargazing? [Source] He’s more of a daytime person tbh! At night he’d prefer to stay cozy indoors. When you spend half your life sleeping outside in the cold. You don't miss it much despite the pretty lights in the sky.
💛What kind of music does Mychael listen to? [Source] Hm! He rarely listens to music, so he doesn’t have a preference tbh. If he had to choose- Perhaps something more upbeat and dancey since it’s a nice change from the quiet, but only for short periods. He’d probably enjoy whatever you’re listening to if you give him the chance :-)! Lyrics don't matter as much to him. He'd just enjoy it based off the sound.
💛What are some of Mychael's favorite scents? [Source] Top 3 would be the smell of old books, honey and (strangely enough) gasoline??? But the last one is soso rare for him he finds it exciting when he happens to catch a whiff, even if he has no idea what it is haha.
If you happen to be the type to wear perfumes/scents, he’d quickly associate the smell with you and have it be another one of his favorites :-)
💛How would Mychael react if he found a lost child in the woods? [Source] He’d be surprised for sure. His part of the woods is pretty untouched by humans, so to find one wandering this far is definitely a shock to him. If the kid was too scared to let him approach, he’d have to use a tiny fraction of his ability to calm them down, so as not to leave any side effects (younger minds are more vulnerable to it). If the kid wasn’t scared and asked if he was some sort of woodland fae/goblin creature, he’d go along with it and say he’s come to rescue them.
After making sure the kid is alright, he’d either try to find the parents straight away or bring them home if they needed food or rest. He wouldn’t dare adopt a child willy nilly, and if there was no other way, he’d probably drop them somewhere like a police or fire station (he can’t really differentiate between them, just that they respond to emergencies).
Overall he’s not opposed to being around children, just not used to it.
💛I see Mychael as a very docile and friendly creature- but in the 3rd ending of the game "Playing Pretend" left me with a doubt... Would he really be a bad guy? [Source] You’re not wrong! Mychael’s not the most violent, even if he is capable of it. In Ending 3 he just… panicked. Though don’t underestimate the things he’d resort to when he realizes how attached he’s getting to you :-)
He’s calm and composed… until he isn’t.
💛How many creatures/people has Mychael found "affected" by those mushrooms that the MC came across? [Source] You’re not the first, that’s for sure! He definitely knows about them, but finds it unnecessary to tell you (at least for now). He was quick to dismiss your doubts on how you lost consciousness, giving you an easy explanation even if he had to lie.
Most of the time he lets the incapacitated creatures be; “it’s the will of the forest,” after all. Although he does break that rule when he finds humans that’re still alive (in this case, you!) in his forest, but that’s very very rare.
💛How would Mychael act if MC introduced him to their friend? MC told their friend that Mychael wouldn't hurt them but the friend is still a little scared and weary of him. [Source] Definitely wary of them too. He kinda trusts you, but can he trust them? He’s met his fair share of humans; not a lot of them were as accepting as you. He can try to lower his guard but your friend would need to convince him themself.
💛Mychael & MC in Day 1 of the game. [Source] Mychael, as a person, is quite solitary in nature; he likes being alone and you’ll find out why. He does however desire company and he’s only realized just how pleasant having someone around can be (hence his reaction for the Bad Endings in Day 1 if you wish to leave/run away).
You grow closer to Mychael as you hang out with him and do little things that he appreciates. Example: The first thing that boosts you to immediate friend status is your willingness to accept his physical looks, something that’s never happened to him before. Little things like that mean a lot to him and motivates him to prolong your stay.
If Mychael met a more grouchy/mean MC on Day 1 he’d probably not be as attached. He’d just save you, feed you and send you home when you ask hahaha. Of course, this will change as he gets to know you better, at that stage he’ll be willing to overlook your flaws like any upstanding yandere.
💛How would Mychael react if the player character was already in a relationship with someone else? [Source] At his current attachment in Day 1 [Friend status], he’d be respectful about it! A little overprotective but mostly curious what dating and marriage is all about. He’s not familiar with it outside of whatever knowledge he happened to pick up.
Now if he’s grown obsessed developed feelings and found out afterwards though…
💛Can you date Mychael in this game? Or not? [Source] I mean that's the goal! ¯_(ツ)_/¯ If his responses in asks currently give off a platonic vibe, that's because they are.
As of Day 1, Mychael's feelings towards you are positive but mostly platonic [Here's a visual affection level chart]. His bad endings show his desperation for company rather than you reciprocating any romantic feelings.
As I update the game, his responses will most likely be more romantically-driven. The game is a slow burn after all :-) He's a yandere- but a yandere who hasn't fallen in love yet. Though I do plan on adding a platonic ending bc sometimes u just wanna kiss a bestie without any romantic feelings attached.
💛What made you think of the pet name ‘Firefly’ for MC? [Source] It honestly just came to me as I was concepting the game ;v;! Other pet names Mychael would’ve used were: turtledove, poppet and sweetpea. He would switch it up in the initial draft but sticking to one makes it more special I think.
💛What does Mychael think about femboys? [Source] He doesn’t really mind nor care how you present yourself :-0! In fact he’d find it strange you asked that at all after you explain what it means dhfjsjf
💛Does Mychael have a gender preference? [Source] Not at all! His favorite genre of human is you :-) Plus gender talk goes way over his head. He's too busy thinking about survival to mind that stuff. Anything you identify with he's absolutely okay with <3
💛How would Mychael feel about someone a lot shorter than him? [Source] He had to admit he forgot adult humans come in your size,,, he wouldn’t think much of it though! He’s just excited to make a friend :-)
💛What would Mychael's "ideal type" be? [Source] I think he’d be more attracted to gentleness, I think. Someone who is kind despite a harsh reality; willing to understand a creature like him and someone he trusts he can drop his guard around.
But even if you don’t fit that criteria, he’d still like you as long as you accept him for who he is! There’s no need to worry about changing yourself to fit his preference <3
💛How did the player get to Mychael’s home? [Source] I always imagined it as piggyback to be honest! But bridal carry, a fireman’s carry, over-the-shoulder, whatever you guys are comfortable with he’s definitely capable of <3 He may be shorter than most (Dolly’s note🌹: His height changed since this ask so maybe not anymore lol so let's change it to 'He may seem weak') but he's strong.
💛Is MC permanently affected by the mushroom ring they stepped in? How much power does Mychael hold against it? [Source] No, MC is not permanently affected by the mushroom ring they stepped in. In one of the bad endings, the influence of it over you is stronger than what Mychael can fight against, hence he releases you as he sees it as the forest already claiming you fully. He can do nothing else to save you.
That’s why he insists on you staying for dinner, and is surprised when you say yes, as he really thought he lost you already for a moment there :-) Past that choice, the mysterious ‘purple’ influence no longer affects you, as Mychael had successfully distracted you long enough for the mind-altering effects to wear off. He just needed the right thing to say to keep you grounded. Lest you wander off and end up in the ground </3
💛If we asked, would he talk to us in his own language? [Source] If he were to talk in it you wouldn’t be able to differentiate one word to another, they all sound the same hahaha.
💛Can we research what type of fae creature Mychael is? Will he be okay with it? [Source] He might be apprehensive at first, but if you ask the right questions he’d probably answer just enough to satiate your curiosity. Don’t be surprised if he leaves out certain things though, he doesn’t want you to think he’s a freak. 💔 He doubts you'd find anything in research though but who knows
💛Do you think Mychael would be a good teacher, when it comes to knitting? [Source] He’s never taught anyone before but he’d be happy to! (He’d probably be a very hands-on teacher cuz he’s bad at explaining–)
💛What if you knitted something for Mychael? [Source] If you knitted something for him he’d probably wear it/look at it multiple times throughout the day getting butterflies in his stomach.
💛If MC brought him to a secret river as a gift would he go? [Source] The thing I’d correct is Mychael would bring MC to a river instead of the other way around hahaha. MC is the poor meowmeow who got lost in the woods on Day 1. Their ass would not!! know any secret rivers
💛How would Mychael react if MC threw him a surprise party, to celebrate his birthday or to celebrate the day they both met? [Source] I think he’d love it a lot!! He’s not one to celebrate much if anything, but he’d be so happy if you threw a little surprise just for him :-) Especially knowing he gets to spend time with his favorite person in the world for such a special occasion <3
💛Is there any fun activities that Mychael would drag MC to? [Source] Oh for sure! He’d probably take you outdoors a lot and show you all his favorite spots in the forest :-)!! He’d probably bring you along to do his daily errands if you’d allow it haha
💛What would Mychael say if I were to take two slices of bread, put his head in between and sweetly ask: "what are you?" The answer lol
💛What would Mychael’s reaction be if MC tried giving him spicy food? [Source] If you try to give him a spicy dish, he’d definitely smell it first before he even tastes it. He’d just politely decline in that scenario.
💛What is his opinion if MC is the type to snore? [Source] He's definitely the kind of person to have the TV on in the room even if their not watching- just to have some noise around the house. So if MC were the type to snore… he’d probably find the sound strangely comforting? He’d find it jarring at first but grow used to it quickly.
It’s nice to hear you and know that someone is around after being alone for so long, especially when he’s up during late nights <3
💛How would Mychael feel about an MC who steals and wears his sweaters? [Source] He’d find it strange why you’d wanna steal when you can just ask– he’d also find it very endearing. Should he be concerned that you're a potential thief?? Or just worry about how cute you look?? a moral dilemma
💛Is there any type of clothing that Mychael likes to see on MC? [Source] I’d imagine he’d like clothes on MC that are more earth-toned perhaps, greens and browns that remind him of his forest and such. :-) Loose clothes are a bonus too cuz it makes you look comfy around him! i think he'd be a fan of animal-themed clothes too; pawprint socks or a fox cap or a rabbit hoodie- something like that.
💛What is Mychael’s love language? [Source] This is assuming MC and Mychael have been friends/lovers for a while; When you’re on the receiving end: Offering Gifts 🎁💖
He’s never had anyone be around as long as you have; he’s kinda new to the gifting thing but does so with a lot of enthusiasm!!
Whether it’s something he made or found, knowing he chose it for you is what makes it soso special.
He just loves the idea of being able to give something that was a part of himself and insert it into your life if that makes sense.
He also loves doing it because he believes you deserve to have nice things with all his heart :-)!
If he’s not sure what to gift you he’d rely on pretty little knickknacks he thinks you’d like but still be on the safe side; flowers, jewelry, decorations and accessories.
But if he does figure out your interests he’d do his best to accommodate! Books, toys, tools and clothes… he has his means of getting stuff he can’t make himself.
The idea of you keeping his gifts as a sign of friendship/love makes him really happy!!
Lowkey if he sees you using/wearing/displaying a gift he gave in the past he’d be purring non-stop.
When he’s on the receiving end; Words of Affirmation 💬💕
We know how he feels about his physical appearance so this is a no-brainer. His self-esteem isn’t the best :’-)
Being alone/isolated as he is, he might confuse physical affection but nothing is more clear to him than words straight from your mouth about how much you mean to him <3
At first he wonders if you truly mean what you say when you talk so positively about him, but then he slowly starts to believe it.
Do not underestimate the impact of one (1) compliment as simple as “You look good today, Mychael.” He’d remember it for at least a week.
It’s a bit of a guessing game to figure out what gets him the best. If you praise his skill at something his response would be, “Oh I guess I got good at it. Thanks, firefly :-)” but if you praise his looks and mannerisms you’ve hit the jackpot.
Blushing, stuttering, avoiding your gaze level of embarrassment.
If you’re really close friends or basically dating, he will absolutely ask for your opinion on how you feel about him from time to time, just to get reassurance from you.
Overall nothing gets him better than just hearing positive remarks from a loving source aka you :-) <3
💛How would Mychael react if we made him some lunch while he was knitting and feed it to him? The cute illustrated answer
💛How would he react to a very clingy MC? [Source] If you mean very clingy, he’d be pretty tense about it, to be honest. He’s not used to physical touch but doesn’t mind it; if you take it easy and ask permission (so he doesn’t get overwhelmed) he’d be more okay with it! Just respect him when he asks you for space every once in a while <3
(Dolly’s note🌹: I can only guess but I think this answer is if you're still in the friend status because if this applies even in the obsessed status, the below Q&A would so funny in comparison)
💛But is Mychael clingy? This guy? Clingy? Nahhh. Nothing to worry about, anon :-)/s Here's a visual of his clinginess, he's very clingy yes lol.
💛Is Mychael the jealous type? [Source] It’s rare for him to feel jealous, but I’d imagine when it does happen he’d feel it very intensely on the inside. But you’d probably be none the wiser 💔
💛How would Mychael react if we confess our feelings to him? [Source] Bold of you to assume he won’t be the one to confess first 🤨
💛Does Mychael like to be kissed? [Source] His kind arent accustomed to physical affection. Does he even know what kissing is??? Thats for me to decide and you to figure out 👀 BUT He’d love getting kisses! On the cheeks especially :-) But careful not to overstimulate him; he’s kinda like a cat when you pet ‘em too much and they get all frazzled. Kisses on the lips he's less inclined but doesn't mind em time to time. Maybe like a peck or two. And here's a gif of pampering Mychael's face with kisses &lt;3
💛Does Mychael know about marriage customs in human civilization? [Source] He’s familiar with human marriage the same way a young kid would be; involves inviting people, dressing up and wearing rings for some reason?? How strange to go to such lengths when you could just be around that same person the rest of your life and still be the same??
He doesn’t put much significance on it personally. Unless…? 👀 💛What would Mychael do if MC took care of him while he was sick? [Source] He’s not used to asking someone to care for him, but in this state if MC offered to help he’d honestly just ask you to keep him warm too with zero assumption as to what you might think. He’s just a little too out of it to be embarrassed about it. Example of providing him warmth.
💛Would Mychael let us hug him when he’s sick or would he push us away? Although, would this make us sick? [Source] He would! I’d say he’s the most physically clingiest when he’s sick. He’s basically sleepy all the time and other than seeking warmth, he doesn’t communicate much.
And no, we can’t get sick from him and vice versa, since our bodies are different from his. So no worries about getting yourself sick when you’re around him!
💛What would Mychael do if the MC got ill? [Source] Oh he’d be worried beyond belief! He wouldn’t leave you alone for a second.
He’s not familiar with human sickness, but he’d do his best to provide whatever it is you need. Hot soup, warm blankets, he’d even risk going to get medicine for you if you ask.
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Some facts I didn’t add as Cheea didn’t give a direct answer to some questions, like Mychael’s family, since they’ll eventually be answered in the game <3
But I hope you enjoy this and that it may be useful to you all!
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depravitycentral · 9 months
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Yandere! Kyojuro Rengoku General Profile
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Yandere! Kyojuro Rengoku x fem! reader
Tw: kidnapping, stalking, violence, he breaks your fingers, Kyo feeds you bird-style and it's pretty gross and gnarly, delusions/detachment from reality, Stockholm Syndrome, masturbation, slight misogyny/traditional gender roles, forced motherhood, allusions to non-con, you and Kyo share a toothbrush ugh, lots of references to death, fem reader, MDNI
I do not condone any of the actions described in this post - this is fiction and should be treated as such. If you or a loved one is in a similar situation to anything contained in this post or my blog in general, please seek help. You're in charge of your internet consumption; please make responsible choices. With that, enjoy!
WC: 11K
DARLING PROFILE:
Caring 
Similarly to most other Hashira, Kyojuro is greatly attracted to honest, genuine kindness.
His world is so full of hatred, death, and pain, and having a darling who is softer, sweeter, more empathetic makes his heart swell.
(And, occasionally, other things will swell when he sees his darling smiling or complimenting or speaking with children - but Kyojuro pays it no mind. So you shouldn’t, either.)
There’s just something so alluring about a darling who genuinely cares for the people around them - he himself is quite positive, if not blunt, and a darling who can match his philosophy of protecting and caring for those who need it would be a perfect match.
He likes the idea of a darling who has the best intentions of others’ at heart; it’s refreshing to see and interact with someone who is so pure and wonderfully kind, because while his fellow slayers are certainly committed to a good cause, his darling is different.
They’re naturally sweet, utterly unaware of the horrors of this world and yet still striving to make others smile, still trying to help undo any wrongs those around them have experienced.
This aspect of his darling is one of the first things he notices about them, and while he’s not a selfish man by any means, he’ll grow to absolutely love when this caring nature is directed at him, particular after long, difficult missions where he’s both physically and emotionally exhausted, only desiring to hold something soft and sweet and warm.
Coincidentally, something exactly like his darling.
Passionate
The specific passion itself is inconsequential – it doesn’t matter what his darling loves, as long as they love something.
He himself is driven by internal motivation and a righteousness to help others, and while his darling doesn’t need to be quite this serious, he likes the idea of them having goals and aspirations.
The most likely way this manifests itself within his darling is through a creative platform – art, music, culinary arts, writing, or any sort of activity in which his darling can express themselves.
He likes that his darling has something they truly enjoy, and he’s the type to want to learn about and indulge in his darling’s passion.
He’ll eagerly listen to everything they have to say, absorbing the information with wide, glittering eyes and a smile, trying so very hard to listen to their words but getting repeatedly distracted by how utterly adorable they look when they’re concentrating.
He can’t stop admiring the way they look when they’re discussing their passion, how happy they become, radiating a sort of joy and glow that only makes him fall harder and deeper, his obsession solidifying with every smile they give him.
And he’ll fully foster this passion of theirs – he’s got access to any resources his darling can dream of, easily providing them and enjoying the way their face lights up, how they become so grateful.
His only caveat is that he has to watch them as they work at their passion, getting a front row seat to watch them enjoy themselves, his bright eyes fixed on them the entire time because god, how are they so utterly perfect?
It’s endearing to Kyojuro because in his mind, his darling looks at him that way, too, with a smile and undying love.
Ambitious
Now, his darling doesn’t need to be ambitious in the sense that they take huge risks, or even that they have high expectations and goals for themselves.
It can manifest this way, sure, but the main core of why he finds this personality trait attractive is because it shows drive.
He likes a darling who has a strong sense of self; he doesn’t want to change his beloved in any way; he wants to be their pillar of support, to offer unwavering help and encouragement for whatever pursuits they’re chasing after, no matter how big or small.
He thinks it’s a wonderful thing to have dreams for the future, just as he does – he dreams of Senjuro once again having a happy family (one he hopes his darling will help provide), and of all demons being eradicated so that the world can live peacefully.
He’ll cherish and respect any dreams his darling possesses, but only if they don’t interfere with what he believes should happen.
He prioritizes his relationship with his darling above many things, and this includes what his darling wants most.
He will be expecting them to dutifully become his loving partner and wife, to bear his children and help him raise them, to be a guiding, loving hand to teach them morality, charity, and all sorts of other things that his darling hardly believes he possesses.
So while he’ll likely crush the ambitions his darling possesses, the mere fact that they have ambitions is attractive to him.
Talkative
It’s not that Kyojuro can’t fall for a quieter darling, but rather that he wants someone who will match his chattiness.
He’s naturally quite loud, truly a boisterous man who loves to interact with others.
He’s constantly peppering his darling with questions, his voice a steady flow as he just talks and talks and talks, throwing compliments and them alongside grandiose declarations of love, all intermixed with small talk about the weather or the flowers on the sides of the village pathways, or even about the pretty birds flying in the sky.
He just likes interacting with his darling, and he needs someone that is willing to return his eagerness to talk.
He likes the way his darling’s attention stays on him when he’s speaking to them; how their eyes stay fixed on his form, how they nod along to his words, how they laugh at his outlandish, unbelievable claims and logic, how they just simply acknowledge him, making him feel comfortable and seen and wanted.
Kyojuro will want to spend hours talking with his darling, and he needs someone who can match this energy. He needs a darling who can pepper him with their own questions, who can keep the conversation flowing and keep the interaction alive.
Besides, Kyojuro has this unwavering, unsatiable curiosity for his beloved, one that can only be partially quelled when his darling is revealing more and more about themselves.
And he’ll eagerly listen, mentally storing away each new piece of information, remembering absolutely everything because everything about his darling is important, something that must be remembered and cherished and worshipped.
They’re just perfect, and if they’re naturally chatty, it only furthers his obsession. 
GENERAL YANDERE TRAITS:
Delusional 
Generally speaking, from the moment that Kyojuro’s feelings for you fully form, he’s absolutely, utterly under the impression that every emotion, desire and draw he feels towards you is returned fully. He honestly believes that you’re just as in love as he is, that the connection he’s so acutely aware of between the both of you is mutual, that you’re just as desperate and eager to be his partner, his lover, his wife and the woman he’ll spend the rest of his life with. 
He doesn’t have any real romantic experience - he’s been attracted to women before, sure, but he’s never courted someone before you simply because when he courts, he intends to wed. 
And as a result, his only real reference for romance is his own parents’ relationship. And while it was loving, beautiful, healthy while his mother was still alive, time and his changing father have left Kyojuro with a bit of a warped view of love. 
And this is where his delusions stem from - he’s confident, desperate for you to return the passionate feelings he holds for you, and he manages to convince himself of your growing love for him every day. 
He’s so sure, in fact, that even as his obsession with you forms (slowly, as he’s a bit picky about partners and can be a bit oblivious even towards his own feelings), so do the beginnings of his detachment from reality. As he slowly begins realizing that he enjoys being in your presence more than most other people, your smiles and greetings of oh hello Rengoku, I didn’t know you’d be here will seem more and more like you expressing your glee at having him by your side rather than a simple, platonic welcome. 
As he realizes that hearing you laugh makes his palms sweat and his heart race, he begins thinking your laugh is really for him, that your chuckles are stronger when they’re directed at him than compared to others. 
He’s imagining your pretty face lighting up with that radiant smile behind closed eyes when he’s falling asleep at night, and slowly he begins concluding that your every quirk of the lip towards him must mean that you’re happy with him, that his presence alone fills you with a sort of joy that you simply can’t hide. 
(And, perhaps you know that it’s you that fills his thoughts at night – maybe you’re purposefully plaguing his thoughts, trying to tell him something - perhaps you want him to think of you and your lovely mouth, the way your lips look when you say his name, how your tongue flicks out to wet them just so…) 
It’s mostly innocent in the beginning; his delusions manifest more as simply misreading the signals you send him, honest mistakes that aren’t too uncommon – but, as the relationship (or, at least the one Kyojuro is trying so very hard cultivate) progresses, these slips in judgment become more and more profound, more and more difficult to ignore. 
When he’s wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you into his chest as he inhales deeply and enthusiastically greets you in a voice just a bit too breathy for your liking, Kyojuro sees your discreet attempts at ending the far-too-long hug as you merely trying to get comfortable. 
Surely you just want to feel more of his body against your own, or want him to be closer so that there’s nothing separating you from him, from the love he’s oh so willing to give you. 
When you bite your lip and avert your gaze as you politely ask him to stop staring at you so much and following you home, Kyojuro will simply smile, placing a hand on your shoulder and giving you a firm don’t worry, I don’t mind protecting you! It’s my place as a Hashira, after all, so don’t needlessly fret! 
He honestly doesn’t understand why you’re not as happy as he is, and frankly he can’t even really fathom the idea that you aren’t happy – how can he, when he’s been searching for so many years for a partner to love and spoil? 
How can he, when your body just seems to perfectly fit against his own, your voice like honey and your name a drug as it slips from his lips? 
How can he, when he’s seen his father so harshly decline, when the memory of his mother is still so fresh, when he wants so badly to build a family of his own, to give Senjuro another family to call his?
How can he, when you become the sole reason he begins valuing his own life during missions, not being as reckless because he needs to come home to you - you need your lover and husband, of course.
(In more ways than one - who will protect you? Provide for you? Pleasure you?) 
Kyojuro honestly latches onto you, his every thought and emotion revolving around you you you, to the point where even once he’s locked you away, deep inside the Rengoku residence with your shared bed and lovely, expensive new kimonos neatly folded in stacks upon stacks (all in shades of reds and golds, of course, to signify your status with him), he still won’t recognize that you’re always crying because you’re scared. 
He won’t realizethat you flinch when he touches you because you don’t want him anywhere near you. 
He won’t connect the dots that you spend each and every night curled up in a ball weeping because you just want to go home, please Kyojuro, please… 
Try as he may, he just can’t fathom that you aren’t as madly, desperately in love – so don’t bother, really, because it’s much more hassle than it’s worth, and in the end he’ll get what he wants. He always will get what he wants, so why don’t you just give in? 
He’ll never let you go, never believe any of your pleas to be freed from him, so why don’t you just accept his love? 
Protective 
Honestly, your personal combat abilities are irrelevant - in Kyojuro’s mind, you’re weak. Defenseless. Laughably unable to keep yourself safe and out of trouble - incapable, even, though it sounds a bit harsh.
He believes that you’re too fragile and sweet and wonderful to be anywhere near a demon, a human with bad intentions, or anything of the sort.
Your strengths lie not in battle, but in your charm and beauty - you’re so sweet, your words melting him like butter and leaving him as putty in your hands, his heart doing backflips in his chest as his fingers twitch to do anything and everything just to keep you smiling.
Your talents lie in the way you effortlessly intrigue him; your words ensnaring his attention no matter the topic, your touch sending electricity up his spine, even your most mundane actions making him stop and stare because every little thing you do is important.
You simply aren’t made for the battlefield, or for confrontation in general - he’s sure of it, and he’s arguably the most trustworthy source of judgment you could find. He’s a seasoned Hashira, seen more death than you can imagine, slaughtered more demons than you can count, so could he really be wrong in his assessment of your abilities?
He sees you as a bit of a baby, in all honesty, because while he’s more than aware of your womanly charms (the not so subtle way his eyes rake over your figure when he forces you to bathe with him is enough to convince you of that, if the way his hands ghost over the bulge of his trousers when you speak to him wasn’t enough), he still can’t shake the paranoia that you’ll one day be hurt.
He’s terrified that you can’t really take care of yourself as well as he can. And frankly, the paranoia isn’t unfounded – it’s difficult to fault him for his overprotectiveness when you think of his past, how often he sees death, and how often he’s the cause of it.
He’s too accustomed to seeing others’ lives lost, and he absolutely refuses to allow you the same fate, so long as he’s breathing and has enough finger strength to grip his sword and send air rushing through his lungs.
He’s determined to a disturbing degree to keep you safe; with every demon he decapitates, internally he’s sighing in relief because that’s one less monster that could potentially sink their claws into you - every demon dead is a step towards keeping you safe, healthy, alive, his.
He’s patronizing in an odd way, because while he doubts your capabilities, he doesn’t treat you like you’re a child. He’s just hovering, always, with his eyes glued to you and that same unnerving, wide smile on his lips that never seems to go away when you’re around him.
His gaze is wide and excited as he sees how you bring the bowl of soup to your lips to sip, the intensity of the way he watches making your hands tremble and a bit of the hot soup spill down to your chest.
He’ll let you feed yourself - for now - but as soon as you flinch, the heat and wetness making you cringe as you get up to clean yourself, he’s on you – a flash of yellow and red as he tut-tuts and uses the sleeve of his haori to wipe up the mess, a thumb against your lip and his face much too close to yours as he tells you to be careful, don’t hurt yourself, my flame.
He’s not letting you touch anything with sharp edges, for fear that you’ll trip and cut yourself, nor does he allow you permission to speak to anyone new that he hasn’t already extensively vetted in his own way.
(This comprises mostly of just simply observing someone, and the moment he sees something even slightly unfavorable - like a snarky comment or even having their hair be messy - he’s deciding that they’re not good enough to interact with you - you’re better than them, and speaking with them would only taint you, bringing you down from the pedestal he places you on.)
 He’s controlling, not allowing anyone into your life that isn’t himself, to the point that he’ll simply show up the second another man or woman begins speaking with you, a strong arm around your waist with fingers digging in much harsher than they should, that familiar smile tight on his lips.
He’s terrified that he’ll one day lose you, and in a lot of ways keeping you safe is his own way of living up to the expectations of his mother.
You’re weak, so damn weak, and you need someone to care for you, to be there for you and take care of you in your time of need, and Kyojuro is more than happy to take on the role, to take responsibility of your life and safety.
It’s a bit overwhelming, how he’s always offering to do tasks for you, interrupting you halfway through to take over with that broad grin of his, that laugh and a rambunctious what kind of lover would I be if I didn’t carry your groceries for you making it difficult to stop him.
And really, eventually you’ll get to the point of relenting and letting him to do as he pleases, because as much as the man may intimidate you, scare you or disturb you, there’s just something about his desperation to please you that’ll get you feeling oddly flattered, flustered simply because of the lengths he’s willing to go.
Because really, while it may scare you how his hand always seems to find a place at your hip, don’t all the stories and movies have chivalrous male leads helping guide the girl through crowded areas, a steady hand to help keep them grounded, just as Kyojuro does?
Sure, it’s weird how he knows the order from every restaurant in town that you like, how he’s always able to show up at just the right time with a steaming bowl of udon or whatever you’re feeling, but doesn’t it feel nice to be cared for, that he thought of you and made the stop to buy you something?
It may be disturbing how he gulps and smiles wider every time he sees you bend over, but isn’t it flattering to know that he finds your body attractive?
He won’t allow you to place a finger on anything or anyone that could hurt you, so you’d better get used to the life of a pampered housewife – because while it will take him a long while to allow you to cook with any sort of heat, there’s something oddly therapeutic about being your big, strong partner that provides for you, while you keep his bed and heart warm, all with that natural charm he finds so alluring. 
Clingy
Because Kyojuro’s perceptions of your relationship aren’t exactly realistic, he’ll come off as extremely, extremely needy to you. But it’s in a strange way – he’s not constantly clinging onto you, needing your reassurance and needing your eyes to stay focused entirely on him.
(He certainly won’t discourage this kind of behavior, of course, but he isn’t that outwardly desperate, and he isn’t the type to physically grasp your chin to keep you looking at him. He’ll perhaps grasp your hand or your waist to keep you at his hip, but he’s not quite that blatant.)
Instead, his clinginess manifests in how he’s simply always around you.
His presence will become a constant in your life – you’d be hard pressed to not see those familiar blond and red locks in your peripheral, or to hear that booming voice ringing in your ears. It would be difficult to find yourself in a public situation where Kyojuro isn’t standing diligently at your side, that blinding smile spread across his face, turning just a bit softer and a bit more earnest when it’s aimed at you.
Really, he simply hates being away from you. Not having you within his sight makes him nervous, anxiety itching at his stomach because where are you?
It’s not possessiveness, not a paranoia that you could be talking to other men, but rather an honest, genuine, horrible fear that you could be hurt, that someone could’ve taken you and injured you and touched you and possibly even have killed you.
And frankly, the fear isn’t too unfounded – you’ll understand why he's always rushing to you, literally running to catch up with you when you wander away from him, a steady hand pressing into your back as he pulls you into a hug, the faint smell of woodsmoke and musk filling your nose as the hard planes of his chest press against you.
It’s understandable, so you won’t really wonder why he’s always insisting on accompanying you every free moment he has, his presence acting as your shadow but much, much louder. It might make you uncomfortable, sure, because having someone always by your side is a little disorienting and overwhelming at times, but you’ll tolerate it – how can you tell Kyojuro no, anyway?
He’s so radiant when he’s giving you that smile, his eyes sparkling and his hands soft and gentle as he grasps onto yours, telling you that he’s so excited, we must try the new ramen shop down the street! I’ll order your favorite, you needn’t remind me what it is! I think we should share one, and perhaps a second or third…
(It’s probably not worth mentioning to him that you never even told him what your favorite is, he just seemed to know it, a fact that initially unnerved you, but you’ve found that guessing what you’ll like seems to be a talent of his. It’s not, of course, because he’s spent hours talking with any family members or friends of yours to learn every possible scrap of information about you that he can, introducing himself as your fiancé and charming them enough to get even the most sensitive secrets out of them, including your menstrual patterns, your bathing routine, even your temperament as a child because he’s convinced it will give him insight into the temperaments of your future – and inevitable – children together.)
You’ll disregard his penchant for always staying by your side in the beginning, but as time progresses it’ll become more difficult to let his behavior roll off your back.
Accompanying you to the market is fine, but you’ll bite your lip and find the courage to speak up when he ends up straying a good five feet behind you, his bright eyes burning holes into the back of your head as he keeps pace with you.
(When you turn around to ask him why he’s not walking with you, but rather trailing behind you like some sort of stalker, he’ll just laugh and tell you in that familiar, boisterous voice that he can protect you better this way! Besides, the view from this angle is excellent! Dissecting that last comment will only make you more uncomfortable, so you simply nod and keep walking, picking up your pace and desperately wishes you’d be arriving sooner.)
Him wanting to meet all your friends and acquaintances is fine, but when he’s pushing his way into the conversation and snaking an arm around your waist, you’ll feel just as awkward as your companions, disturbed by the casual manner with which Kyojuro handles you.
(This almost always leads to the assumption that the two of you are together, which you’ll frantically shake your head to, spouting some nonsense about being just friends that makes Kyojuro’s brows cock inwards, sending a glance at you with quizzical eyes. Just friends? You are certainly friends, but you’re more than that – friends don’t daydream about each other, and friends certainly don’t spend nights with ragged breaths, bucking hips, and the other’s name slipping from their lips like a prayer.)
He’s just a lot, and while you knew this from the beginning, time will only increase his behavior, pushing him more and more into spending time with you, into writing you letters while he’s away on a mission (they’re mostly detailing how much he misses you, telling you of each object and person that reminded him of you, and while it would be sweet, the sheer volume and frequency of these letters will make you loathed to open them), even into pushing past your boundaries and being much, much too familiar with you.
(You’ll bid him goodnight after he’s walked you home from the meal he insisted you share, but he doesn’t seem to get the hint and instead waltzes straight into your modest home, settling himself at your tableside and beaming at you, telling you to join me, my flame, I wish to hear about your deepest desires! He won’t insist on staying the night, as that would be too inappropriate for a not yet married couple – which he seems to be insinuating the two of you are – and will eventually take his leave, but not before gently grabbing your hand and pressing a kiss against your knuckles that’s much, much too wet, and far too long.)
His clinginess can be suffocating, of course, but once you’re stuck with him, forced to live in the Rengoku estate and call him your husband?
Well, if you thought he was needy before, it’s nothing compared to the way he treats you then – constantly wandering hands (concentrated mostly at your waist, hips, and squeezing your thighs), compliments that toe the line between heartfelt and disturbing (you are so very beautiful, particularly when you’re asleep – did you know that you smell a certain way when you’re unconscious? It’s sweet, like ripe fruit; I wish to smell it at all times), and those eyes always, always focused on you.
Every free moment he has goes into attending to you, whether you want it or not, so don’t even bother trying to get some distance from the Flame Pillar.
He will invade your space and he will not be regretful, his delusions most often barring him from even realizing that you’re uncomfortable.  
He’s simply a man who ardently admires and desires you, and at the end of the day, you can’t even really blame him. Because, as they say, love makes one do crazy things, and he’s certainly, certainly in love with you.
DEALING WITH RIVALS:
When it comes to jealousy, Kyojuro is surprisingly relatively unaffected, all things considered.
He’s not someone who’s biting at your heels the moment another man spares you a glance, and while he obviously doesn’t like the way other men interact with you, he’s not nearly as suffocating regarding his possessiveness as some of his fellow Hashira.
He tends to give others the benefit of the doubt, and while he’s still very protective over you and would immediately step in if another man posed a threat to your safety or comfort, he doesn’t automatically assume that any man who interacts with you has nefarious intent.
And so, he doesn’t immediately grow jealous and snarl at any man stupid enough to come within a few feet of you – he’s not as depraved, at least in that sense.
(In others, absolutely, but if Kyojuro has one redeeming quality, it’s his judgement of character.)
However, this isn’t because of some moral high ground the Pillar possesses, or a firm sense of lucidity – in fact, it’s quite the opposite, as his delusions drive most of his indifference regarding other men giving you attention.
He’s so, so confident in the idea that you’re meant for one another that he honestly doesn’t even register that you could interested in another man, that you could be stolen away from him willingly, that you could fall in love with anyone but the Flame Hashira himself.
He just doesn’t get it, and so he isn’t as suffocating as he could be in these situations – no, not by a long shot, something you’re admittedly equal parts lucky and unlucky for.
Because really, while you won’t have to deal with the isolation that comes with extreme levels of possessiveness, being Kyojuro’s darling is certainly not an easy ride – how can it be, when he’s so blatantly unaware of the signs in front of him that a man is coming on to you, that he’s smiling and flirting with you and reaching out to brush the hair away from your eyes while you bashfully grin and laugh at his lame jokes?
How can you not be unsettled with the way he’s so unaffected, always spouting nonsense about how in love you two are, how perfect of a match you are, how no man would ever dare take you away from me – how could anyone break such a real bond of love?
It’s disturbing, and as time passes slowly you’ll come to realize that while he won’t drag you kicking and screaming away from another man trying to get more than familiar with you, the alternative of watching him broadcast what he perceives to be your ‘relationship’ to every stranger who makes eye contact with you will get old very quickly, the feeling of him almost trying to show you off making your skin crawl and a cold sweat break out over your hairline.
Kyojuro isn’t subtle, not in the least, which is why the minute another man approaches you, you should be ready – the embarrassment will be thick, as will the discomfort of everyone involved (except the Hashira himself, of course).
So you might as well stop trying to converse with other people – after all, Kyojuro has no problem acting on his intuition, so won’t you just not give him a reason to be so extravagant? 
The moment the man in the small market stall shoots you a shy smile and approaches you, there’s already a sinking feeling settling in your gut, the knowledge that your self-proclaimed ‘lover’ is only a few stalls down making you bite your lip in anxiety.
He’s polite, by all accounts – full lips a pleasant pink color ask you about your opinion on the newest shipment of melons, the fruit laid out in front of you in a pleasing display. There’s a respectful distance of a few feet between your bodies, and his voice is soft, calming, the complete opposite of the boisterous, loud slayer you’ve come to be so close with. It’s refreshing, and you shoot him a smile as well as you point to a certain melon on the display.
This one looks ripe – you can tell, you know, by the markings on the fruit. The more yellow spots, the better the texture will be.
The man’s still looking at you, but his gaze shifts to the fruit as he nods in agreement. He laughs a bit, then reaches out to pick up the melon. I’ll trust your advice, then.
 The interaction is somewhat short, sweet and innocent, and though you get the feeling that the man finds you attractive (the light blush on his cheeks tells you as much), you don’t feel particularly uncomfortable.
But all too soon the peace of the moment is ending, and a familiar call of your name has your spine stiffening, your throat bobbing as you heavily swallow. The call comes again, and all too soon there’s an unfortunately familiar hand settling on your waist, Kyojuro’s muscular arm wrapping around your body and pulling you flush against his side.
Being so close in public would normally embarrass you, but you can’t find it in yourself to care when you know what’s coming.
My flame, who is this? A friend of yours? Kyojuro asks, and before you can open your mouth to answer, the stranger does.
Oh, um, I’m Takeru.
He’s visibly uncomfortable, and as you try to subtly squirm out of the slayer’s grasp, Kyojuro’s smile only widens.
He nods his head lightly, his smile growing even brighter. A pleasure to meet you, Takeru! I am Kyojuro Rengoku, thank you for helping keep her safe at this busy market place!
The man – Takeru – shifts awkwardly, unsure how to respond to such a strange comment, but it doesn’t seem to stop your unwanted companion.
You see, she has such a habit of wandering away in crowded places, and it makes it hard to keep an eye on her! You’d be amazed at how often I’ve seen her trip and fall in places like these!
 He laughs at that, and you feel a new kind of embarrassment eat away at you. Does he really need to be sharing all this information?
Yes, it’s very crowded, Takeru agrees, and you silently send him a pleading look. He blinks at you, discomfort clearly swimming in the black depths of his dark eyes, and internally you beg Kyojuro to just drag you both away from the stranger.
She can be so forgetful, but that’s the wonderful thing about love! Despite her clumsiness, she is still graceful and elegant to me, and that’s a sign of true love, wouldn’t you agree?
Takeru nods, hesitantly, and you grit your teeth.
Kyojuro sighs dreamily from beside you, squeezing you even tighter against his side. And I do love her, of course! She is my soulmate, the future mother of my children, and every time I gaze at her, my devotion only grows deeper!
You’re visibly embarrassed now, trying to cover your face and desperately willing the interaction to just be over, but Kyojuro doesn’t seem to hear your silent prayers.
He grabs your wrist gently, his lips pressing kisses against the inside of your wrist, and immediately you’re eyes grow wide. Surely he wouldn’t, not in a public setting –
He cuts your thoughts off with a press of his lips against yours, the groan that he releases against you making you shiver in anything but pleasure. Your eyes are still open, and you see Takeru staring with a dropped jaw, evidently shocked at Kyojuro’s blatant display of affection.
Your brows furrow, and as he slips his tongue past your lips, you find yourself only able to focus on the way Kyojuro is growing louder, his groans getting more pronounced as the kiss grows hungrier, more desperate, feeling less like a tender, heartfelt sign of love.
After a good two minutes he finally pulls away, your lips feeling sticky and wet from his saliva. He stares down at you with heady eyes, his tongue licking his lips as he whispers your name under his breath.
You go to say his name, to ask him if you can just leave the market, but he cuts you off with a laugh.
Oh my flame, where did Takeru go? We must have scared him off with our display of passion! My sincere hopes that he’ll one day find a love like ours.
You very much don’t wish that, but as Kyojuro grasps your hand and guides you to the edge of the market place, passing through the spot Takeru had departed from during your sudden and overtly steamy kiss, you’ll find yourself sighing.
The blatant act of romance was unwarranted and unwanted, of course, but somehow your lips are tingling, your heart racing in shamefulness and something else – something that grows stronger and Kyojuro turns to look back at you, a grin stretching across his lips, his cheeks tinted pink as he gazes at you.
It’s wrong and you’ll hate it, every part of you screaming to not be fooled by the boyish look he’s giving you; he’s a slayer, a grown man who very clearly doesn’t understand that you are not future spouses, that you are not in love.
You’ll hate yourself for it, but even as he leads you back to your home, guiding you and not letting your hand go the whole way (even though you you’re very familiar with the route and don’t need his navigational help), you’ll find yourself almost, almost wishing he’d kiss you again – just not in front of a stranger this time.
TAKING HIS DARLING AWAY:
Because he’s on the more delusional side, Kyojuro’s view of your relationship is warped.
He’s already eager in the context of romantic relationships, but in yours, specifically, he’s rushing through all the steps, too excited to get that gold ring on your finger and his last name replacing yours to really take his time with you.
And this becomes problematic particularly because you will have no idea, at least at first, that the Flame Hashira believes you’re courting one another, that it’s simply a matter of time before you’re keeping his bed warm and nursing his children.
And because of this quick timeline of your relationship, Kyojuro is actually quite quick to propose living together. Of course, it’s a bit taboo to be living under the same roof before you’re wed, but he’s willing to bend the traditional rules a bit if you put up any sort of opposition.
If you decline his blatant requests to live with him, he won’t relent. Initially, he’ll bluntly ask you in the middle of a shared meal if you’d like to move your belongings into the Rengoku mansion - I can have a few servants come to assist in the moving process, if you’d like, and of course I’ll be there to help carry anything heavy!
When you stare at him like he’s grown two heads, he’ll be a little confused, and curiously asks you why you seem to be shocked.
When you honestly respond, at a loss as to why he’s asking you to live with him when you’re very, very firmly just friends, Kyojuro will only laugh in response, his hand coming down to slap his knee because oh, you’re so funny, you sweet, coy little thing.
He’ll drop the subject that day, moving on to ask you about your thoughts about the weather or your favorite color or anything at all, greedy to hear your voice and bask in your attention.
But the next day, when he suddenly pops out of nowhere and accompanies you on your walk into town to buy a few necessities, the question is prompted once more.
I only have two separate futons, but I’m sure we could push them together! Similarly, I only have two blankets, but I’m sure my body heat will keep you warm!
You’ll be confused, giving yourself just a hair more distance between your bodies (he’d gotten very close without you noticing), throwing him a glance and worryingly asking what are you talking about?
He’s so nonchalant when he answers our sleeping arrangements, of course that it makes you wonder if you’ve missed something, if you’re somehow not in the loop because when the fuck did you agree to sleep in the same room as him, much less in such a position where you could feel his body heat?
You’ll negate his questions and try to change the topic once more, but Kyojuro is relentless - everyday there will be a new question of when you’ll inevitably be living together, and with every day he gets more and more restless to finally have you in his arms as he sleeps, to come home to you after long missions, to relish in the sight of you peacefully reading or crafting in the morning sun, wearing his clothing and smelling like him.
He’s a patient man, yes, but even Kyojuro has his limits - and he finally reaches this limit when one day he can’t seem to find you anywhere.
It’s like you’ve disappeared off the face of the Earth - he’d wanted to spend some time with you (really, he’d just finished his allotted training for the day and had been idly daydreaming about holding your hand the whole time, and was now in desperate need of finding you to intertwine your fingers with his), but your home was empty and none of your neighbors seemed to remember seeing you leave.
Immediately worry is eating away at him, because his sole job as your future lover and husband is to keep tabs on you and protect you, and he’d been too busy focusing on himself and getting stronger to fulfill his duty.
He searches for you in all the common spots he knows you visit, and with each empty location his desperation gets a bit more extreme, his panic slowly engulfing him because where the fuck could you be?
Eventually he’s sprinting around the general area you reside in, running mile after mile as his smile slips away and his entire body grows sweaty, his heart racing and even a few tears threatening to well in his eyes because he can’t stomach the thought that you’ve been hurt somehow, that someone has stolen you, that you’re simply gone.
It’s not until the evening that he eventually stumbles upon you, your pretty kimono stained with a bit of dirt as the bottom hem and your shoulders a bit slumped from the heavy bag slung over them, your limbs aching from the long journey it’d taken to visit a friend a few villages over.
He happens to run by you along the path, and immediately he’s stopping and staring, his chest visibly heaving, his eyes wide and vulnerable as he blinks, pinching himself to make sure this is real, that you’re really standing in front of him, that you haven’t been devoured like he’d been imagining.
But all too soon he’s rushing forward, the wind knocked out of your lungs as he tackles you to the ground, clutching you against his chest as he bombards you with questions, slurred and rushed as he asks if you’re okay, are you hurt? Where were you? Why didn’t you tell me you’d be gone today? Did you speak to anyone? Did anyone touch you? Were you scared without me?
He’s speaking so quickly and loudly into your ear that you can’t even get a response in, his voice slightly uneven and betraying the influx of emotion swimming through his chest. He’ll pull back to gaze at you, thumbs brushing over your cheek, before smiling softly and pressing a soft, long kiss to your forehead, whispering to you that you’ll be safe now, my love, forever.
Then it all goes black, and you wake up dressed in a much too nice kimono, sleeping in an ornate room in a futon you don’t recognize, familiar eyes trained on your form as his seated figure watches you slowly wake up beside him. 
As a captor, Kyojuro is mostly just suffocating.
Because he still heavily believes in the delusions he’s been nursing since the beginning of his infatuation with you, he doesn’t see anything wrong with what he’s done. He doesn’t see his relocation of you as kidnapping, nor does he understand why you seem so unhappy to be with him.
It was inevitable that you’d be sharing the same home and bed, didn’t you know?
Why do you seem so surprised when he wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you flush against his body, spooning you and sighing your name into your ear with just a bit too much reverence?
Why are you flinching away from him when he pulls you close for a kiss, his calloused fingers gently grasping your chin as he whispers between wet, loud kisses that he loves you, that he’s more in love with you than you could possibly imagine, my flame, you are my light in eternal darkness.
He’s sappy and too much and always hovering around you, his presence smothering you in every sense of the word. He’s clingy and needy, always wanting to be watching you and simply observe you, because even though he now spends nearly every hour of every day he has off in your presence, everything you do is still special to him, interesting and wonderful and important, and he has no sense of boundaries.
He will be standing close to you, practically breathing down your neck. He will ask you all sorts of personal questions, ranging from things like your greatest fears and most embarrassing moments to your menstrual cycle and which spots feel best when you’re touching yourself to the thought of him.
(He assumes you must pleasure yourself while thinking of him, because he does, too, religiously, every night, your pretty face and voice and body at the forefront of his thoughts as he paints his fist white over and over and over.)
He doesn’t see any reason why there should be any sort of barriers between the two of you, because you’re soulmates - made for one another, destined to spend your lives together, your fates irrefutably intertwined and brought together by the unyielding, passionate love you possess for one another.
And, unfortunately, this lack of barriers manifests itself in some pretty undesirable ways - you’ll be sharing one singular toothbrush, for example, Kyojuro insisting that it’s romantic and sweet and becoming of a young couple to share everything with one another, even their saliva.
He’s having the two of you share undergarments; they’re all made of soft, smooth cloth, in a variety of neutral colors that he’ll wear for the day, then shuffle up your legs the next day, smiling and licking his lips because the fabric that spent all day pressed up against him is now pressed up against you.
(And, on days where you’re particularly unlucky, sometimes Kyojuro lets his thoughts run a bit wild once he’s wearing them, his eyes fluttering closed as he imagines you and subtly ruts against his palm as he waits for nightfall in the small village his next mission is in, the time passing slowly until he’s gasping your name and staining the undergarment with wet warmth, already giddy and excited to have you wear them tomorrow, unwashed.)
He’ll even sometimes share food - and not in a sweet, romantic way, but rather in a raw, connected way; he’ll take a bit of food and chew it, then press his lips against yours and push it into your mouth, encouraging you to chew as well, before eventually kissing you once more and swallowing it all himself, his grin nearly blinding because now he’s eaten both the meal and you, or at least a bit of your spit.
He’s just weird, and while he’s constantly showering you in compliments and spoiling you with anything and everything under the sun, it’ll be hard to adjust to this new, strange lifestyle simply because he doesn’t really allow you time to adjust.
He’s expecting everything to be sunshine and roses from the moment you wake up as a freshly kidnapped darling, his expectations high that you’ll be pliant and willing and happy to learn that you’re finally, finally together.
And while it takes a lot of disobedience from you to snap him out of his rose colored view of you, Kyojuro is doing everything in his power to make sure that your relationship is perfect, that he’s taking good care of you and loving you as he should.
Which leads to another important aspect of being his darling - he doesn’t see women is inferior in any way (Shinobu and Mitsuri alone have dispelled that image), but he likes the idea of you being his housewife, fulfilling traditionally feminine duties.
He likes the idea of you taking care of the home, making sure dinner is cooked and served for him in the evening (he’ll often send a crow your way when he’s heading home after missions, just so that you can prepare for his arrival - normally, this means a meal and very little clothing adorning your frame, so that he can feast on your delicious food and then your delicious body), and attending to his every need as he does you.
He likes the idea of you keeping the mansion clean and eagerly awaiting his return home when he’s away, your devotion to him keeping you motivated to make sure everything is perfectly in order for him.
He’s trying for children very, very early on, his thrusts slow, deep and meaningful as he kisses you and promises that this will finally be the load that takes, because the mere idea of you swollen with his child and needing his help to do things even as simple as sitting down makes him giddy and unbearably excited.
And he doesn’t want just one child - oh no, he wants many, as many as you’re willing to give him.
He wants the perfect family with you, and as your captor, he won’t try to hide this wish. You will be made aware that he wants you to dote on him, that he wants you to spread your legs and conceive his child, that he wants you you you.
(He’s discussing potential names with you within the first week of having kidnapped you, his fingers idly tracing over your stomach as he tells you that the first born must be named Shinjuro, then perhaps we’ll have a daughter, and she can be named Hana! But we must also have some named Takeru, Ucharo, Nakagome, Watabe, and of course Shigeru! And after that, if you have any names in mind, we can surely name the following children them!)
 Kyojuro isn’t necessarily bad, per se, as he does genuinely spoil you and give you all the time and attention and physical affection he can, but you’ll feel weighed down, crushed, drowning in the way he always seems to take and take from you.
But eventually, you will grow dependent on him - how can you not? He’s still so sweet with all the compliments he gives you (a little deranged, perhaps, but the sentiment is there), the reverence in his eyes when he gazes at you, the gentleness and eagerness in his touch when he has his hands on you.
He’s complicated, yes, but life with him will be so very simple - just bend to his whims, and perhaps you’ll even enjoy the way he hugs you so tightly it nearly hurts, or how he limits the number of servants who are allowed to speak with you - he just loves you, and is it so wrong to enjoy being loved?
PUNISHMENTS:
As his darling, you’re somewhat lucky that Kyojuro is as delusional as he is, if only because it keeps him mostly blind to any misbehavior and attitude you can throw at him.
Of course, he has his limits, but in general he’s able to write off any snarky comments of yours or slight attempts to put distance between the two of you as you simply you trying to be funny, barking out a laugh and moving even closer to you, pressing into your space even more, making sure there’s not an inch of space between your bodies.
Or, sometimes, he interprets your very blatant rebellions against him as you simply trying to test his resolve – he thinks you’re trying to force him into showing just how deeply he loves you, as if you’re testing just how strong his feelings for you are.
And while he finds this just the slightest bit offensive (you’re doubting his love for you – his passion for you; can you not tell that his heart beats only for you? Can you not see that alongside his duty to the Corp, you’re the reason he breaths, the reason he wakes up in the morning, the reason he’s alive?), it mostly serves as motivation for him to love you harder, to become more expressive with his feelings.
It pushes him to hug you tighter, his fingers nearly leaving bruises with the strength of his grip around you, the hugs going much longer and getting more intimate, if the brush of something big and hard against your thigh is any indication.
It pushes him to compliment you more, the words falling from his lips with such conviction that it’ll almost make you flustered, if the content wasn’t so unnerving.
(There’s lots of you are so beautiful, my flame, but there’s also a lot of you look so peaceful in your sleep, it makes me want to lock you away forever and keep you mine and deep inhales followed by your scent sets me on fire, my love, you don’t know what you do to me.)
He views most of your rebellions as simply you trying to catch his attention, perhaps being a sign that you feel you’re being neglected by all the missions he must leave you and attend to.
And frankly, Kyojuro doesn’t blame you – he wishes he could give you more attention too, because although he feels his job is wildly fulfilling and the morally correct thing to do, a more selfish part of his heart yearns to spend his days with you in his hands instead of his sword, your body curled up against his while he keeps you warm and tells you how deeply he loves you.
And because of all the different avenues he employs to simply disregard any negative behavior from you, punishments with Kyojuro are extremely rare. It takes quite a bit to push him into reality for even a brief moment, to force him to come face to face with the fact that you aren’t happy and that you don’t love him.
He only has a few triggers that can be powerful enough to force him into this mindset – you harming yourself, and you attempting to escape.
When you injure yourself, it’s difficult to rationalize why you would have done that, but he’s normally able to scold you (with condescending words and tone, that same smile stretched across his lips), telling you to be more careful and let me prepare your bath next time, all burns from hot water must be avoided in the future! But you trying to escape is not so easy to twist into a pleasing fantasy of his.
It’s much harder to understand why you’re ceaselessly trying to break open the windows of the estate, to the point where your knuckles bleed and your elbows bruise. It’s harder to understand why you try to work at the lock keeping the main doors sealed, your poor fingernails splitting and aching from all the tugging and pulling.
He’s not sure why you’re going through so much trouble – surely there must be easier ways to get his attention. Surely there must be less painful and pitiful methods to get him fawning over you and proving his dedication to you – so why aren’t you taking them? Why are you choosing this difficult path, one that makes him apprehensive to leave you alone for more than thirty seconds?
(Not that that’s the only reason he’s hesitant to leave you alone – his clinginess and desire for your physical touch is the bulk majority – but it’s still a major player.)
And when he asks you, with his arms wrapped around your abdomen, your own arms flailing and your legs kicking at anything you can reach, your answer will have him pausing for a moment, an unwelcome feeling of reality washing back over him.
Because I hate being here, I want to go home! Please, let me go home!
His spine goes straight at that, his eyes widening ever so slightly, your punches and kicks to his shoulders and thighs doing nothing to faze him. You want… to go home? But aren’t you already home, by his side?
His grip tightens on you, a sort of displeased hum ringing in your ears. He’s carrying you away from the front doors and down the convoluted hallways of the estate, his grip on you never weakening.
Your words repeat over and over in his head, each replay confusing him more and more. You aren’t happy being here? With him? He bites his lip, bright eyes glancing down at you in his arms, with big tears slipping down your cheeks and your shoulders shaking with poorly concealed sobs.
This doesn’t seem like an attempt at gaining his attention – why would you go through such lengths? In all his time of falling in love with you, he’s never known you to be such a good actor.
Your tears look real, as does the sound of your voice when you whisper his name and weakly pound your fist against his chest, begging him to let me go home, I can’t be here any longer, I can’t stand it!
He sets you down onto the bed of the bedroom he’s brought you into – the bedroom where he forces you to sleep beside him, your nightclothes sticking to your skin with the heat that radiates from his body and the sheer proximity his forced cuddling creates.
He’ll watch as you scramble away from him, curling your knees to your chest and looking up at him with such raw, pained eyes, and for a moment it makes Kyojuro’s heart clench, genuine regret rushing through him.
Has he made you this upset? Is he the reason for your anguish? It makes something heavy and uncomfortable settle into his chest, and it’s that driving force that pushes him to come closer to you, matching your every scoot away from him with a step towards you.
Eventually your back hits the wall and he kneels before you, his face mere inches from your own.
Tell me, my flame, why are you so displeased?
 His question makes you gulp, but before you can stop yourself your mouth is already moving, every repressed thought and emotion you’ve felt the last few weeks you’ve been stuck with him finally coming to light.
Because you’re a monster! You’ve kidnapped me and forced me into being your wife, and you have the audacity to ask me why I’m upset? I can’t stay with you, Kyojuro, not here, not anywhere! We aren’t in love – you’re mistaken, I don’t love you and whatever this is, it’s not love, so don’t tell me you love me! Please, just let me return to my home and family, I beg of you.
You cut yourself off with a small sob, and as your eyes flutter closed for a brief moment, your blood runs cold when they reopen.
You’ve never seen Kyojuro look like this – gone is that familiar grin of his, instead replaced with a harsh, straight, tight lipped expression. His eyes no longer hold any of the warmth and adoration he normally gazes at you with – rather, they seem unbearably cold, the heavy weight of his stare making you shrink in on yourself despite your rather brave speech. And something about his presence feels much larger than you’ve ever experienced it – it’s in this moment that you realize just how defined and huge the muscles he’s sporting across his upper and lower body are, the man before you holding more strength in his pinky finger than you in all of your body.
It’s crushing, the sick, horrible feeling that something is terribly wrong making your every hair stand on end, your breath ragged as you wait for his next move. Kyojuro nods slowly, his expression not changing.
I see.
You bite your lip, anxiety making a pit form in your stomach.
You need to be reminded of what’s important, my flame. You’ve become misguided – but don’t fret, I will help guide you back to the path. This will hurt, but with time you’ll understand my actions and perhaps even thank me for them.
His words have red flags raising immediately in your mind, but before you can really even process your own questions, his hand is shooting out grasping on of yours, fingers pressing against the pad of your index finger and pushing pushing pushing –
There’s a sickening crunch noise that fills your ears, and everything feels numb for a moment before white-hot, acute agony rushes through you, your finger already swelling and throbbing from the broken bone now within it.
Kyojuro watches as you sob harder, your eyes red and puffy as you look at him, your gaze weak and, quite frankly, pitiful. He only takes a deep breath, his Adam’s apple bobbing, before moving to the next finger, a matching crunch sound only making you cry harder.
Eventually, each finger on your left hand is broken, his hands already moving to start on your right. He’s quick about each break, not letting the pain linger any longer than absolutely necessary, but it doesn’t matter.
By the time he finishes with your right thumb, you’re nearly numb from the pain, your tears having run dry as you shake and jerk with every hiccup and sob that wracks your frame. The sight hurts Kyojuro, truly – and he’ll tell you as much.
Shh, oh my flame, don’t cry – I know it hurts terribly, but so does my heart. Do you see now? Do you see that I love you? I’m showing you that our love is real and pure – I will nurse you back to your proper health. I will be your hands when you cannot touch, and I will stay at your bedside every free moment to keep you company and ensure a quick recovery. Do you understand now? This is your home – no one can care for you in the way that I can.
His voice is soft, with a certain condescending lilt to it that only makes you dumbly nod, the pain still rendering you numb to your surroundings. And as Kyojuro carefully picks you up once more, moving you to your shared futon and gently tucking you under the covers, he’ll quickly gather some small sticks and medical gauze, wrapping each finger and cooing at you all the while.
And as he places a kiss onto each finger tip once its wrappings are complete, you’ll find yourself considering his words.
The conviction to individually break each finger of your lover is certainly no joke – perhaps he could be correct? Is this love?
Is the way he'll carefully feed you your meals as your wounds heal a sign of his truly undying feelings for you?
Is the way he bathes you (with wandering hands and stuttered breaths) a sign that he does truly care for you?
Is the way he helps you use the restroom without the use of your own hands a sign that he’ll truly stand by your side through darkness and light?
Your brain screams no, every ounce of your independence fighting the stream of questions, but some part of you finds comfort in the notion, in believing Kyojuro when he says that he loves you.
And as the days pass and your injuries slowly heal, your captor’s constant presence by your side helping to keep you clean, healthy and well fed, you’ll find that part of you growing louder and louder, drowning out your mind.
Because really, does it even matter? Kyojuro Rengoku is a man of dedication and unwavering devotion – and if he wants you to love him, isn’t it only a matter of time before he succeeds?
After all, who are you to stand your ground in the face of someone like him?
OVERALL DANGER:
 6/10
Kyojuro isn’t necessarily dangerous, or at least in the sense of being a threat to your life. He’s clingy and needy and out of touch with reality, of course, but he doesn’t enjoy the notion of hurting you. He’s willing to, if it’s his only choice, but you’ll never need to worry that any hidden sadistic tendencies of his will emerge. He’ll never suddenly develop the desire to see you cry, nor will he suddenly discard you should his feelings dissipate.
Once his infatuation begins, Kyojuro is committed to making sure that you stay healthy, happy, and – most importantly – by his side.
He’s convinced that he’s the one that can make you happy, that he can give you the most perfect, loving future, filled with laughter, kisses, stolen touches and even a few children with bright yellow and red hair running around the estate.
He’s convinced that he can make you happy, that he already does make you happy, and it will be extremely difficult to snap him out of this fantasy he’s created for the two of you.
He’s an influential man with extreme importance, and you’d be extremely hard pressed to find anyone who would even believe you if you were to somehow escape him, if you were to somehow catch on to his nefarious intentions before he’s stolen you away.
It’s the combination of being surrounded by death, and a yearning to be happy and build a loving family that pushes him to pursue you, developing a future with you feeling so fucking important that he simply can’t resist the drive to court you, to wed you, to see your gorgeous smile and the pretty golden ring with flames engraved on it around your finger.
He’s simply a man in love, and if that love means his hands on your body, pulling you closer and closer and closer until you can hardly breath, so be it.
It’s only natural for something as powerful as love to create such a strong devotion, and isn’t it oddly romantic, in a way? To know that someone as powerful, important and revered as Kyojuro is in love with little old you?
Doesn’t it make you feel good to know you have the Flame Pillar wrapped around your finger, that he’d get on his knees for you at just the merest flutter of your lashes?
He’s truly in love, so embrace it with open arms – he sure is, and things will be much, much better for you the sooner you accept the love he’s so frantically delivering to you.
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gothicayomi · 2 months
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Edit: I made a post about Alex’s reponse: Here
Okay. The Alex callout is so fucking wishy washy that I’m genuinely getting whiplash. When I first read Ven’s callout document several days ago, I honestly skimmed it because I’m the type of person who has always just assumed callouts are fully honest. And siding with the victims immediately is always a must, especially if it’s about grooming minors, or severe abuse. At that time I was also under the impression DB was a minor, thus I automatically denounced Alex Kister. However, last night I wanted to see any updates regarding this development and I’m so glad I saw Ven’s tumblr post before he updated it, because it provided vital information (such as reminding everyone DB is an adult during all this) and I was able to see people’s responses to it. I decided to reread the document with this new, updated information in mind and I’m very upset with how badly this has gotten. Particularly about how feeble Ven’s doc is and how some of the things they said rubbed me the wrong way. For now, I’m just pointing out some things that really stood out to me with how much it didn’t make sense or it was particularly antagonizing toward Alex.
So… in the tumblr post Ven made, they were saying that the point of the doc wasn’t to say Alex was a groomer. And yet they made it VERY CLEAR that Alex’s gender identity was, in their opinion, a way for Alex to “lure victims”. Basically calling a transfem a predator cuz she expressed her gender identity AND sexuality relative to her gender identity to her partner and not minors. but Ven was also backing up from that claim, which clearly was the whole point of the doc???? But it was never stated in the introduction of the document. So first of all, I thought that was weird. It just said “Alex’s predatory and manipulative behavior.” Here we go.
So. Apparently a content creator wanting to make friends and connect with people is parasocial? Sure, content creators have to be aware of their “high status” or whatever, but i think people are also weird for idol worshipping in the first place. Alex (which I’ve seen stated uses any pronouns) has been self aware about parasocial relationships from the beginning and he’s not saying he never was aware of it. 😐 but several screenshots of him explaining himself tells that he never even thought about the potential power imbalance— he wanted some fucking friends.
These screenshots would show someone expressing their discomfort and assert their boundaries. And Alex always seemed very genuine in their apologies and would acknowledge the person’s feelings wholeheartedly. None of it was brushed off by her in the screenshots. She never downplayed anything. And yet you guys are still offended???????????????? Let me get this straight. You want someone to own up to their mistakes and apologize for making you feel weird, but when they do, you’re somehow still upset? Hm. Make it make sense. Like what the fuck you want, blood from a rock??????
By the way, what’s transphobic to one trans person might not be transphobic for someone else. As a gender-fluid person, I’m not going to be pissed off if a different gender fluid person “”“changes their gender every day”,””” (i say this particular thing because I’ve seen people act very upset over it while others aren’t) because it’s not my fucking business and it doesn’t affect me or my daily life. If they’re comfortable and happy, that’s all that matters. I have no say in what other trans people makes them comfortable with themselves. What’s transphobic is invalidating another trans person’s gender identity, expression, and sexuality, (which CAN co exist by the fucking way) and demonizing it just because you don’t like that person or you don’t want to try and understand them. Just so you know. :) that’s like misgendering someone on purpose just because they’re a terrible person, or saying neopronouns are invalid.
Here’s the thing: when you’re exploring gender identity, you’re not going to get it on the first fucking try. From what I’m seeing in the docs, this was Alex around the time they were first stepping into that comfort zone. They were trying new things. Wanting to feel comfortable. Wanting to be validated. Wanting to connect with other trans people. That’s what every trans person wants. You seriously shamed her for that? To the point where Alex admitted they felt so ashamed of their gender expression that they lied about saying it was joke? All to reassure everyone and make people feel better? Fuck you. You don’t fucking get to say what someone should and shouldn’t do regarding their body and gender— he wasn’t saying explicit things to the minors. Not stuff similar to what was said to Ven or D8 so why the fuck is anyone tripping??????
I will say that I understand why Ven would be concerned about this in the first place since when they dating Alex, Alex did make sexual comments about wanting to wear their clothes and look like them. I get it. But Ven, you were his partner, obviously when you guys were comfortably having intimate discussions that he’d be willing to share vulnerable desires with you regarding gender identity woven with sexuality. But why did you automatically, outside of your personal conversations with him, try so desperately to search for that in his convos with other people? When they had nothing to do with you I understand wanting to be concerned and looking out for other people but this was so blown out of proportion that it’s insane.
Alex trusted you so much. And one thing I was really disgusted by was the creepy ass way of you posting screenshots of his sexual fantasies. If Alex does decide to post YOURS you sent to HIM, you have no fucking right to be upset over it, okay? :) fair’s fair, my dude.
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So this screenshot being posted after Ven writing in the document “venting to a minor about his sexual frustration” all I have to say is Ven what the fuck are you talking about? being touch-starved isn’t Inherently sexual. Why the fuck is Ven saying this is sexual frustration. ?????????????????????????????????????????? So it’s sexual when it’s said to a minor? Oh okay, good thinking, Ven. /sarcasm. I didn’t know cuddles and hugs were bad. I guess grown adults shouldn’t cuddle their children, or adults can’t hug their child family members. Idk what to say about the “I wish you lived closer thing” tbh because i don’t know what the person said— it could have been taken out of context. Which brings me to my next point.
Ven stated there were people who came forward with their own screenshots of what Alex said. But if someone is going to crop them into tiny little boxes and obscure what the victim said before and after, it’s going to be pretty fucking difficult to even make a proper judgment on whether or not the context is inappropriate, or if it was said to the actual victim themselves in the first fucking place. Sure, the screenshots aren’t fabricated, but we don’t know who the fuck they were sent to. That’s on y’all.
Btw I’m so fucking convinced none of these ppl have ever experienced normal, healthy friendships or relationships, oh my fucking god. No fucking basis for proper judgment, imo.
One thing that also pissed me off was Ven targeting Alex’s mental health and symptoms throughout the doc. They targeted Alex’s paranoia and suicidal tendencies. First off, I’m pretty sure everyone part of tmc + the fandom know that the most prominent themes of tmc are SUICIDE and religious trauma. I once saw Alex post a tweet about various poetry written during his high school years venting his depression and suicidal ideation. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had been struggling with depression and suicidal ideation way before that. I’m gonna be so honest, after seeing the way Ven twisted a lot of this around, when I look back on Ven saying “Alex said he’d kill himself if I broke up with him” makes me think Alex could have said something like “you mean a lot to me and I’d be devastated if we split.” like. I can’t be the only fucking person who thinks this. Alex has always been self aware. I know he’s really struggling right now.
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LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO BITCH YOU ARE SO STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!! You either genuinely don’t know what paranoia is (symptom of mental illness) or you, of course, are genuinely trying to demonize an aspect of someone’s symptoms they can’t control. All to justify your bullying against Alex. Maybe research what paranoia is, and you’d be more understanding of Alex.
Mental illness doesn’t fit into your neat little boxes, by the way. And everybody experiences mental illness differently, so don’t act like you 100% know what someone is going through. I understand wanting to see the people you care about getting therapy and professional support. But you don’t have the right to demonize them when they aren’t being outright shitty.
Not to mention, every single fucking time Alex would explain their feelings and perspectives, Ven, you would shut them down in the doc. Invalidating Alex’s feelings. That’s the sort of thing manipulative people do, just so you know, Ven!! The same type of person you claim Alex is!!! Don’t throw stones in glass houses. That’s coward behavior, and projection is damaging to both parties.
Im gojng to be so deadass right now. If I could nitpick every single little detail in Ven’s document that I found weirdly uncomfortable or suspicious or confusing, I’d be making my own goddamn google doc which would be two or three times as long as Ven’s.
This entire matter genuinely could have been dealt with privately. Alex even expressed that and Ven shut him down!!! Do you know how fucking frustrating that is? And no, Alex never shut you guys down so don’t even try and twist the blame back onto him. You wanted him to own up to what he’s done and said, but y’all don’t want to do the same. Sigh!
Also, what the fuck is the takeaway supposed to be? Y’all said he isn’t a groomer. Ven said somewhere in the doc that people aren’t trying to be transmisogynistic. But clearly you are fucking using Alex’s gender identity against her. I hope you burn in hell. Also, since none of the minors were being groomed, what the fuck are you trying to prove?????????? That wanting friends is fucked up and evil???? That you and D8, grown ass adults who were consensually engaging in sexual conversations with Alex, were fucking manipulated? Evidence shows you guys were comfortable with expressing your discomfort and asserting boundaries, but like I said, y’all are still pissed off Alex took accountability. You’re adults. Act like it.
I could go on and on about this shit but these are the key points I wanted to bring up. I saw the post that donut made and I read through it thoroughly but since there is no evidence suggesting Alex was grooming minors, and he was genuinely apologizing for making Donut and other people uncomfortable, it honestly came off as a kid (kids shouldn’t even be in online without a fucking parent’s supervision anyway) being a kid: immature. So I genuinely do not give a fuck. Have your parents watch what people say to you online.
I’m a 23 year old adult who’s been in both toxic and healthy friendships and relationships with people and I can honestly say y’all are fucking stupid for even writing these dumbass callouts. I’m looking forward to Alex’s response and I will be supporting him unless there is substantial evidence showing Alex is a bad person. Ok?
Feelings and perspectives are valid and important on both ends. You don’t need me to tell you that. The point of this post is that the doc was very feeble and lacked proper documentation at numerous points. you shouldn’t purposely misconstrue Alex’s words and actions just to make him look bad, especially if your evidence (screenshots, in this case) isn’t consistent or fully exposed. I will mention what I said earlier: plenty of people here, from what I saw, were able to express their feelings and assert boundaries just fine and Alex was completely open, and whoever needed that help definitely got it. Despite everything that has happened, I’m glad people did have others who understood what they felt.
I may be editing this post if I find I think certain things need to be (re)addressed or corrected. Because like I said, there are various things I want to point out. Stay updated or not!
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psychelis-new · 10 months
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pick a pile: "What will/do you like the most about them"
take a breath and choose the photo/number that calls you the most to read about one or more of your current/next partner, fs/fp, destined person's quality that you appreciate or will appreciate the most. I feel this reading may work better for singles but I want to keep it open for people in a relationship too. If I have to be honest: this started first as an 18+ idea so I might get hints about that side of theirs too, but I turned it into a reading for everyone and I'll do my best to keep it so.
I will use present tense (despite I may fall into the future tense here and there too lol) just keep in mind it's cause it's for both situations.
don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one, there may be messages in each of those piles.remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.
(photos found on unsplash)
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pile 1
They are passionate, they're pure emotions. They are deep and... scorpionic(?). They are also mysterious, it's not easy to read their heart and mind. I think you may wonder how many people they have been (or are) with or if they are able to love at all (it depends, for some they may look a bit too "harsh"/closed off). For some, this person may be a bit "too private", like they don't let people in easily (but it's not that this has to be a bad trait at all). They may be pretty hot/fascinating and always surrounded by people (people tend to be really easily attracted by them); kinda gives player vibes (no matter their gender) but ofc it can only be vibes. May have also an important job (prob. finances)/be very ambitious/wealthy. They can transform a lot, maybe they know how to get people to like them cause they're very good to read them (a little bit manipulating?). They mostly seem this way though, especially to those who don't know them well or they're like this in their job (to clients). But they don't care. I don't think that's their true core anyway. You'll like the fact that they're more themselves with you and show you a side nobody else is really aware of. And you'll like the passion (*ahem, 18+ too*) and "bad" type-vibes they express. They may have been through some rough stuff, you'll like how strong and not scared to go deep down within themselves they are. They put their heart in all they do.
song: glowing in the dark | emily rowed
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pile 2
You'll like their shape. How they look. You'll also like how adaptable they are. The're also not scared of being themselves, of making mistakes (eventually), of just being out and about and letting parts of themselves stay/stand out. Not scared of being seen for who they are. They're vulnerable (at times to a fault). You'll like that openness, that truth coming from them. "That's hot" I keep hearing. They seem in control of their life and to not care much about the obstacles on their path. Something as "You like me, good; you don't like me, good too". They seem to not care much about others' opinions or let those hinder them. they're very determined, they have goals and want to get there/have/realize them. But despite this huge masculine energy of theirs, they're also very tender and nice (they probably recently healed this part of them). They're not scared of letting their feminine energy out cause they know it's backed up by their masculine. Their mind is very interesting, they seem very collected, and bright. Smart (even book smart). Top grader, for some. They're creative and have beautiful ideas as well. You'll like their mind a lot. They also know how to wait for results. They also are very good with words and not scared of wording their emotions: they may often tell you what they think, also about you even at the most unexpected times (especially that they love you). They look very full of surprises for you. They'll surprise you a lot.
song: for you | liam payne, rita ora
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pile 3
You'll love their purity. How emotional they feel. How giving to you they are. They would give you the moon and the stars if they could. You'll love how they love you. Even from the little things they do, the little attentions they give to you, how they remember the smallest details about you (you're not used to this). They are very determined to love you how you deserve, probably to teach you how to love yourself too. It's like a mission to them. They want to help you see your worth. You may meet them in a difficult time or they just like to be around to support you anytime you feel down. They like to take you by the hand and help you go on in your darkest hours. They really care deeply about you. They will help you be more brave, as they are. They aren't afraid of challenges, nor of changes. They seem very fulfilled emotionally so they love to give to you. You'll feel very blessed to have them around. Not sure if it's a romantic thing for everyone or it will be so for long, it could be a friend turning into romantic or vice versa. It feels kinda related to a specific time of your life (not for everyone though ofc). OR it may mean they'll bring a new chapter in your life and help you change yourself once and for all, be more out and about, be more in tune with your emotions and not scared of/overwhelmed by things (or you) not always being "perfect". They probably also have a more s3xual side to them not everyone is aware of and that may come out when you are ready too.
song: watch me burn | michele morrone
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pile 4
I think you like the care/delicacy they show with you and your feelings. They don't rush, they understand and give you time. They are healing to you. You're probably a bit closed off atm, but they seem to be able to find their way right through you or aren't scared to put in some work to get to you (honestly it could be them too: for a few, they may be closed off and you'll need to put in some work to reach them). They support you and protect you too. They seem very very delicate with your emotional side. Very very sweet too. Really balanced between their masculine and feminine energy but very in touch with the feminine so to be welcoming and caring. They are able to see things from different perspectives, and they'd like for you to let them in. So be open with them, they won't judge you, just wanna help you (it may feel triggering at first cause you're not used to trust that much). They like to help people in general (may be their job too, somehow). You'll also like how stabilizing they feel to you, how grounding. They also feel very funny and enthusiastic, very positive in general, how good they are in letting go, and you probably will realize you missed that side in your life. They seem to be a teacher of yours for certain aspects of your life. You'll like how comfortable they feel, and you'll like they feel like a dream come true as well.
song: slow burn | kacey musgraves
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lasirenatarot · 11 months
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-I am backkk! Mentioning this again, if traditional gender roles don’t apply to you convert to masculine and feminine energy,thank you.💋-
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What does your person find attractive about you?{kind of a not so mini PAC}
Pick a Naomi Campbell picture:
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Pile 1.
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This PAC was not intended to be $€xu@L, however it will get & the person about whom people who chose pile 1 are thinking of, in my opinion, may have some double standards going on. (Not for all, but for some, this may resonate). This person is probably far from a puretan having in mind all the $€x suggestive cards that fell,but they probably like you to be more modest in front of others while at the same time, in front of them and only them, to be more open with your $€xu@lity and wearing more revealing clothes. They want you to be $£xu@l but to appear more innocent,fragile and inexperienced (as in the sense that you “need”their guidance & protection) at first glance. OR they may like that you are not promiscuous (nothing wrong with it, but it’s just what i am getting) and are very selective about who you sleep with/engage with emotionally and physically. You may have an ethereal/fairy vibe that they like. (Reminds me of Pisces energy).
As for physical attributes they like about you;
Some of you may have naturally curly hair that they like, or if you don’t, they may like you when you’re wearing your hair down & curls in your hair made with an iron or whatever method..
Definitely @$$, that appeared in few of the cards.
Makeup wise, they may like on you Victoria’s secret bombshell makeup for example: glossy lips, gold-ish highlighter, rosy cheeks, highlight in the inner corner of the eyes, overall glowy complexion. I am mentioning this, bc it gives you an angelic look they may be into or like specifically on you.
They probably like your legs as well, especially if you wear garters, lacy socks and high heels or you just happen to have long legs lol.
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Channeled song:
I can’t make this up I played spotify on shuffle ahahhaha
“…in the land of Gods and monsters I was an angel looking to get f#cked hard..”
(Last thing I feel like I need to mention about this pile is that I mentioned the sentence “double standards” because some may not be that ‘pure’ themselves but moral policing you in a way and being possesive&controlling, as I do get that this person is quite dominant which is a masculine trait normally. Ofc that is the unhealthy manifestation of the situation & the shadow side of it all, that may not resonate with a lot and the SP in mind may just have a k*nk to play a protector/savior or whatever..)
Pile 2.
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This pile is very different from the first one lol. This person likes you the way you are. You may be more wild and expressive, may think you are stubborn, a bit hard to handle but they actually like that. They like that you know exactly what you want and you know how to get it, that you are not willing to compromise with yourself. They find attractive in you also the fact that you may be very confident and seductive, also very $€xu@l without having much restraint,shame or insecurities about that or they may like when you appear that way (even if you fake your confidence no one will ever know so who cares..) . You may have Leo energy or an aries rising, as that means that the 5th house of pleasure/flings/fun&expressiveness in your natal chart is in leo. You are honest and have no secrets and they love that. They also like that you’re balanced, you’re not completely chaotic, you know how to behave&when, time and place. They like in you that you’re a bit of a hedonist, you seek to indulge in all pleasures in life & are a free soul. You may have young energy even if you’re not young and that’s also one of the reasons they enjoy your company.
/some of you may have capricorn placements which gives balance to your fiery attitude/
As for physical attributes they like about you;
Your face/ lips more specifically, some of you may have M-shaped lips (no idea why Im getting this) , if you accentuate that they may love this. *example of ppl with such shape lips who do that are Rihanna&Monica Bellucci*
Your gaze. Not the eye color itself, but more like the looks you give them.
Legs. that is shown on several cards, I wish I could also post them for you to get the full picture but tumblr will shadowban me as they have 18+ imagery on them.
Unlike the previous pile, they probably would like you wearing just perfume if I could say it like that😂 no fancy underwear or garters, or whatever.. they find charm in simplicity. They would also prefer a more classic makeup look on you.
Also they like your b0.0bs/breast area (sry thats what I get..)
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Channeled song:
“… baby I'm fist fighting with fire; Just to get close to you; Can we burn something, babe?
And I run for miles just to get a taste; Must be love on the brain; That's got me feeling this way.”
Pile 3.
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Right of the bat, I feel like this person may have been a bit emotionally unavailable due to previous dissapointments in love, up until they met you. They see you as a wish fulfillment, they may idealize you and the relationship, because they haven’t felt like they could be fully open and intimate emotionally with other partners before you. You may be a gentle/fragile (like a flower not like bomb haha) and sensitive person or they see you as such and love that about you. You may have air sign energy which makes you logical and rational, which also can make you teach them how to handle and process their emotions in a healthy way maybe? They appreciate this quality of yours as well. They like that you’re person they can trust with their deepest wounds and darkest secrets.
As for physical attributes they like about you;
They like your facial features. Didn’t get anything specific.
For some reason I think they would like 90s supermodel style makeup on you; nude/brown-ish lips, brown eye shadow, Cindy Crawford pepsi commercial blowdry hairstyle as well (on two of the cards there are women whose hair is messy bc of the wind so it makes sense, see?😂)
Your hair. So many cards pointing to exactly this.
They find black lace to look good on you; dress, underwear, doesn’t matter.. also jewelry, more specifically necklaces and earrings (Im thinking about those with crystals/diamonds,for some reason.)
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Channeled song;
-Google the lyrics, I feel like it may resonate for some of you.-
Decks used: ‘Amor et Psyche’ oracle deck by Georges Barbier and Rachel Paul; ‘Manara’ €rotic tarot deck by Milo Manara/ Lo Scarabeo;
That was all from today’s PAC💋 thank you for reading! Hope it resonated.💞 Don’t forget to follow for more.
- La Sirena. 🌹
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starryknight-tarot · 11 months
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𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓯𝓾𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮 𝓼𝓹𝓸𝓾𝓼𝓮 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝓪𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾?
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pile 1 -- > pile 2
pile 3 -- > pile 4
my masterlist<3 . paid readings
Hi! I'm Star⭐️ This is my first tarot reading on here so please be nice and let me know if the message resonates with you. Remember to take what resonates and leave what doesn't. If you have a hard time picking a pile, try meditating on it and pick the card that calls to you the most.
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Pile 1
Cards: King of Pentacles, Two of Swords, Queen of Swords rx, Ace of Wands, Three of Pentacles rx, The World rx, Seven of Swords, The Sun
Back of the deck: The Hermit rx
I am getting that your future spouse will love your extroverted nature. If you aren't an extrovert, I feel like you might be the kinda of introvert that really opens up to the people that you are close to. I am getting that your fs loves how you can light up any room you walk in. Your fs adores your smile, they see it as brightest most beautiful smile ever. I am getting the thought that you are the sun to this person's moon. Pile 1 you are so cute! Your fs sees you as innocent and adorable. Your fs thinks you look like a cute bunny with the energy of a hyperactive puppy. Your fs loves how independent and strong you are. I feel like your fs knows they can rely on you. You know how to deal with haters and know when to walk away from bad situations and your fs really admires that about you. Like I am getting the imagery of you girl bossing (regardless of your gender, anyone can girl boss lol) and your fs watching in awe with hearts in their eyes. Your fs loves how you seem fearless and strong. I am getting that you have an addicting or unique laugh which gives your fs serious butterflies. I feel like your fs is a very reserved or shy person and it can be hard for them to express themselves but they feel like they can be themselves around and act more free and silly. You might also be shorter then them and they really like the height difference. Your fs also loves how determined you are to make your dreams a reality. You could be an artist just trying to make a career in something more creative. Your fs is your biggest fan and love watching you succeed in your goals and dreams. I am getting that you haven't met your fs yet or they love how you are always ready to try something new and introduce them to new things.
Advice cards:
The universe supports your stance and decision
Bring something new into your life
The key is the application, Practice!
Reflect on your blessings
It is time to take appropriate action
Practice the pause
Channeled Songs:
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Pile 2
Cards: Seven of wands, Nine of Cups rx, Six of Pentacles rx, Strength, Three of Cups rx, The Moon, The High Priestess, Temperance
Back of the deck: Page of Wands rx
Your fs is absolutely enchanted by you. I am getting the phrase I've got you under my spell. You make your fs nervous in the best way possible. Just shuffling the cards I could feel how your fs's heart races as you make eye contact with them. I feel like you have dreamy but sharp eyes. I am getting if looks could kill lol. You have a very mysterious aura that people just wanna get to know. You could be a witch or like to wear dark clothes. Your fs loves how classy and clean you look. I just heard they like the way you smell haha. You might have a resting bitch face. Similar to Pile 1, I feel like your future spouse will love how independent you are but unlike pile 1 you give off more of a lone wolf vibe. Pile 2 your fs is an absolute simp. I am just seeing them drooling over you and willing to do anything you ask. Gosh darn it Pile 2 your fs sees you as sexy af. I keep hearing step on me lmao. Your fs doesn't just love your looks, they also find your mind very sexy. You are very intelligent and wise and your fs loves to listen to you speak your mind and talk about your interests. They love to see the passion in your eyes as you do the things you like to do and put your all into your work. Your fs loves when you can be vulnerable with them and share your struggles with them cause all they wanna do is help you. Their love language is most likely acts of service. Your fs loves your unwavering confidence in everything you do and the mystery of never knowing what's next with you.
Advice cards:
Put your tasks and goals in order
The conditions are primed. Yes it can happen and if you believe, it will!
Release all attachments that don't serve you
Get clear about what you want
Your acts of love, kindness, and unlimited forgiveness bestow grace upon you
Align your body, mind, and spirit with your heart
Channeled Songs:
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Pile 3
Cards: Knight of Wands rx, Page of Pentacles, Seven of Cups, Ten of Wands, The Sun, Five of Cups, Eight of Swords rx, Knight of Pentacles rx
Back of the deck: Ace of Pentacles
Your fs loves how hardworking you are. They admire sparkle in your aura as you put your all into what you are passionate about. I am getting that they love watching you believe in yourself and push to achieve your goals. It's giving the energy of someone that has their whole future planned out in front of them. I heard you are the person of my dreams. You are the Amy Santiago to this person's Jake Peralta (some of you may be Brooklyn 99 fans). I am getting that your fs just loves being in your presence. Your fs loves your sense of humor and they feel like they could joke around with you for hours. Your fs loves how free you are. They aren't the kinda of person to hold you down and prevent you from doing what you are passionate about. Your fs love the way you communicate and express yourself. I am getting that your fs may have been raised in an environment where the communication was really unhealthy and hard to speak your mind. I feel like you will help them learn what healthy communication is and they are really thankful to have you in their life. Your fs will love the quality time that they spend with you just being yourselves. I feel like your fs may like to slow dance with and feel close to you. You look like you came out of a victorian painting to you fs. They see you as very angelic. I keep seeing rosy cheeks so you could have very rosy cheeks or they just can't help but blush in your presence. I am getting that they can see themselves starting a family with you. They can see you growing old together. Overall, your fs love your partner in crime dynamic and love how you are their other half.
Advice cards:
Hold your life from a sacred viewpoint, Witness the universal picture
Get clear about what you want
It is important to understand and value your own energy
Give yourself your own approval
Create a plan and take the first step
No better time to exists than right now
Spend some time in stillness to reflect
Channeled Songs:
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Pile 4
Cards: Six of Wands, Four of Swords rx, Ace of Pentacles, Six of Pentacles rx, Ten of Cups, Three of Swords rx, The Hermit rx, King of Cups
Back of the deck: Queen of Swords
I am getting soulmate vibes for this pile. Your fs feels like they won the lottery getting you. They love how you live rent free in their head. This person may have dreams about you or even have daydreams of you before they even meet you. I feel like your fs may have had a crush on you for a while now. You could have gone to school with them. Your fs loves that you are very eye-catching. They love your fashion. Kinda random but I am getting some of you might be associated with jazz. Some of you may smoke which isn't for everyone but if you do they find it very attractive. Your fs wants to be your knight. You might like to play video games and your fs loves to play with you and get lost in the game for hours. You are the Zelda to their Link. Your fs loves to prove their love for you everyday in the small things they do for you. I feel like your person may have been through a lot of heartbreak but you taught them what real love is and could feel as the more time they spent with you, the more their heart started to mend together again. They feel like they were born to love (ugh so cute). I heard my heart belongs to you and time stops when I am with you. Oh my gosh pile 4 your fs is such a poet. They might write songs about how they feel about you and it is all they cutest cheesy lyrics you have ever read and love it cause you know all of their words comes straight from their heart. Your fs loves how you open up to them and be yourself around them.
Advice cards:
You can if you think and believe you can
In harmony your inner self, you are free to do or be whatever you choose
You may need to take a break from the situation or simply take a rest
You are greater than your story
Pay attention to your breathing, It is reflecting your life
Look closely at what is going on around you
Channeled Songs:
Thank you for tuning in ₊‧.°.⋆🫧•˚₊‧⋆.
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0oxalieno0 · 5 months
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Drunken Nights (Hobie Brown x Reader)
Gender neutral reader
Word count: 2.1k
Sum: Hobie takes care of you after a long night out. Liquid courage reveals some hidden feelings. Reader has anxiety (Reader is a jumper (of conclusions :)) Fluff. Also, everyone is 18+ in this scenario. Some nakedness is involved but nothing crazy. Hobie is a big acts of service guy <3. Also, reader is a sweet, sweet summer child.
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You were nervous, to say the least.
As you stood in line, waiting to get into the venue, you couldn’t help the racing thoughts that filled your head. Sure, you and Hobie had been seeing each other for a couple months now, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that your surprise appearance at his gig might be a bit too intimate for what was, initially, supposed to be a casual hook-up.
Coming out here, and seeing him perform in a crowd with his friends, felt like a step towards uncharted territory.
With a quick glance at your ID and a nod from the bouncer, you make a quick beeline to the bar. You order and chug your drink in quick succession, trying to calm your nerves and the spiral your mind seems determined to take you on. As you get started on your second drink, a pair of bright red Jordans comes into view.
“Sick shoes” you comment. Normally you would keep to yourself, but it seems your mouth and the double-shot vodka cran you just drank, have other plans.
“Thanks” the boy replies. Getting a better look at him he barely looks 18, and by the way his gaze darts around the room nervously, seems to feel just as out of place.
‘Welp’ you think while taking a sip ‘might as well keep the conversation goin’
“So, what are you here for? The booze? The people?”. Looking out into the hoard of heavily tattooed and pierced bodies and back to the boy in what seems to be… a school uniform? with red and black gloves?
“Though, I’m gonna take a wild guess and say that you’re not in it for the crowd”
The boy glances down at his outfit, then back up at you, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. “Actually, I’m here to see the band playing tonight, but I got caught up with a ro-“ he startles as if saying something he shouldn’t have “I mean studying, that I forgot to change”
“Really?” You fix him with a surprised expression “Wouldn’t have taken you for the punk rock type, you a fan or something?”
The boy smiles to himself “Yeah, I guess you could say that”
“Well, the name’s Y/N” You hold out your hand to shake “and you? Fanboy”
“Miles,” he says sliding his hand into yours “Miles Morales”
**(the cutoff word is robbery) Also Miles is wearing black and red gloves cus he forgot to change out of his suit, oh miles, lol**
Just as you down your second drink and turn to the bartender to get a third for you and your new best friend, ear-splitting microphone feedback fills the room.
“Hello, hello, hello” the speaker on the mic calls out.
You’d recognize that voice anywhere. With your third drink in hand, you turn and look up to see Hobie Brown, looking unbelievably gorgeous under the bright spotlights. “The name’s ‘Obie, ‘Obie Brown and this is my crew” he waves a ringed finger at the musicians behind him “we call ourselves, Eradication!”
The crowd erupts into cheers and you swear you see a few girls swooning in Hobie’s direction. You take a deep swig from your glass, this, is going to be a looong night.
And with that, the band begins throwing themselves into the music. Everyone is amazing, especially the pink-haired drummer in the back, but nothing, or rather no one could compare to Hobie. Sure, he sounded amazing in the confines of your bedroom, but the stage was where he truly belonged. For the next few songs, you can barely take your eyes off him as he seems completely enraptured in a complicated guitar solo, sweat dripping off his forehead in a show of pure concentration. His piercings glint in the light as he head bangs and dances around, absolutely commanding the stage. He is, truly, mesmerizing to watch.
A nudge at your side breaks your rapt attention, and you turn to see Miles half-smirking at you.
“Someone’s got a little crush”
You scoff, trying to brush it off, but say nothing. He truly had no idea. God knows the alcohol has gotten you loose-lipped already and you don’t want to risk revealing more to Miles than he needs to know. Even with your silence, Miles seems to take this as a silent acknowledgment and chuckles at your blushing face, turning his attention back to the show.
By now the night is winding down and more often you notice the chemistry between Hobie and the drummer, as they jam out and steal winks and smiles at each other in-between songs.
Maybe it was a bad idea to come here. You take a look at your half-finished glass and begin throwing the rest of it back, because 1. Mama didn’t raise no quitters and 2. You weren’t about to let any of your 12$ investment go down the drain.
In the time it takes for you to finish and start paying off your tab at the counter, the band has already stopped playing.
“Thank you, thank you everyone. We hope you’ve enjoyed the show, Eradication out!” A final wave of cheers is heard from the audience, as the band jumps off the stage before they circle the band in a sort of meet-and-greet fashion.
Now! Now’s your chance to escape! Before you can even begin making your way towards the exit, a hand grabs your wrist and pulls you through the crowd.
“Hey, Hobie!” Miles greets “This is Y/N, they’re your biggest fan” he teases.
“Y/N?” a low voice questions.
You turn, maybe a bit too quickly, and stumble right into the arms of the person you were trying to escape. Maybe that third drink was a bit overkill. You steady, then look up to see Hobie’s lips curved up in a curious smile.
“Hey” you say shyly, your face heating up, but you’d sooner blame it on the alcohol than on the effect he has over you.
“Hey” he echos back. “I didn’t know you were coming, no calls or texts” he lifts his phone in mock hurt.
“I was trying to surprise you” you whisper, unable to meet his warm eyes.
“Well, you are without a doubt, the prettiest surprise I’ve ever received”.
And without breaking his gaze, he lifts your hand and places a soft kiss against your knuckles. Your heart stalls before remembering to beat. Hobart-fucking-Brown would surely be the death of you.
And with that, Hobie places a gentle hand around your waist and turns to introduce you to the rest of the team. There’s Fish on bass, Cedric on the keys, and finally the very talented Gwen on drums. Absolutely nothing can prepare you for the tight embrace Gwen wraps you in once the two of you are introduced.
“Oh my gosh, you’re the Y/N!!!” She squeals, giving you a wide smile and squeezing you even tighter than you ever thought possible.
“It is so good to finally meet you! Hobie talks about you all the time” she rambles “In fact, I just caught him grinning at his phone the other day, over a pic of the two of you. And sometimes I even catch him mumbling your name in his sleep after practice. It’s honestly too cute, he really is in-“
“Okayyy” Hobie interjects, cutting her off “that’s enough out of you Gwendy”
“Oops” Gwen snorts “sorry bout that, I can get a little carried away sometimes”
You turn to grin at Hobie, half-whispering “I like her honesty”. Hobie just shuts his eyes, shaking head in utter disbelief.
The rest of the night goes without a hitch. You all do a round of shots together (which might be a bad idea, but fuck it). You and Gwen bond over female rock bands and tease Miles over his obsession with action figures. And Hobie holds your hand the entire time, looking at you fondly as you become one of the crew.
As you stifle a yawn, Hobie begins to stand, picking you up along with him.
“I think that’s our cue” he says, holding out your jacket for you to shrug on “I’ve got to get this one home, you got a place to stay tonight Gwen?”
“Yea, I’m gonna crash at Mile’s tonight so you two go on ahead”
You think it’s odd of Hobie to ask where Gwen’s staying, but you’re honestly too bleary-eyed and buzzed to question it further.
“Bye everyone” you wave tiredly.
“Bye Y/N! Bye Hobie!” they echo back.
Then the two of you are out the door. At nearly 2am the streets of London are quiet and the two of you walk in comfortable silence, hand in hand. It isn’t till you hear water splashing and gulls overhead, that you realize you aren’t heading towards your apartment at all.
“Where are we?”
Hobie guides you carefully down a set of creaky wooden stairs, down to the docks, and finally stops at a giant canal boat.
“This” he gestures, waving an arm outward “is my home”
But Hobie never brings you back to his place. It’s always yours, that you end up spending the night at. As you look on at the ship in slight awe, Hobie wraps his hands around your waist, and lowers you down onto the deck, before jumping down next to you. As he leads you through the boat you realize it really is a full-on floating house. There’s a kitchen, some twin guest beds, a couch with a TV, and finally, you end up in the master suite, Hobie’s room.
It’s so him, from the guitars lined up against the wall, to a god save the Queen poster, and even a funny spider doodle on some of the walls, everywhere you look, there he is. As you marvel at the museum that is Hobie Brown’s room, he unzips your jacket and begins to make quick work on your button-up.
“What are you doing?”
He cocks an eyebrow your way but doesn’t show any signs of stopping as he reaches for the zipper at your waistband.
“Getting you, ready for bed” his eyes linger slightly as he helps you shed your clothes, but it isn’t the same one of hunger you usually find when you’re in this situation, instead it’s one of pure affection. After the two of you undress, he leads you to the bathroom.
“You have a shower on this damn thing?!”
He gives you an incredulous look “Do you think I’m some sort of heathen? Of course, there’s a bloody shower”
It’s a tight squeeze, but the two of you manage to fit comfortably pressed up against one another under the shower head. As the warm water heats you up from the cold London night, Hobie takes a bit of shampoo and begins rubbing it into your scalp, making funny shapes with your lathered up hair. Each of you take turns with the conditioner until finally you step back out into Hobie’s room, all toasty and clean.
As you detangle your hair with a hot pink hairbrush you can only assume is Gwen’s, Hobie shows up by your side freshly dressed, holding an oversized (or rather for him, appropriately sized) t-shirt and a pair of boxers.
“Arms up” he instructs.
Doing as you’re told, Hobie slides the Spider-Man t-shirt over your head. Then kneels down, to let you use his shoulder as a crutch while you step into the plaid boxers. He presses a kiss against your inner thigh, making your breath hitch, before rising back up and pulling you towards the bed.
Under the covers, in the darkness, there’s a moment of quiet before-
“Hobie?”
“Yea, love?”
The endearment makes your heart flutter.
“We’re dating, right? Like boyfriend, (preferred romantic title), level dating?”
Another beat of silence lapses, until Hobie abruptly turns the bedside lamp back on.
“Have you not known that we’ve been together for the past two weeks?” He looks at you in disbelief.
“Well, you always said you hated labels and we never really talked about” you wave your finger back and forth “this”
“Shit, that’s true" he admits sheepishly "but I’ve been calling and introducing you as ‘babe’ and 'darling' whenever we’re out”
You share a look, then laugh at the total lack of communication skills between the both of you. After sharing a quick kiss, Hobie reaches out to turn the lamp back off.
“Hobie?” You call out again.
“Yes, Y/N?”
“I love you”
This time there are no beats of silence or hesitation.
“I love you too”
——————————-
Time frame: Hobie + Reader have been seeing each other a little under 3 months and actually dating-dating for 2 weeks.
OMG my first fanfic!!! I hope y’all enjoy and please feel free to leave any comments <3
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aswaki · 2 months
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his rib tattoo peaked out and i almost got dumb..... i need to see it in full. and— matthew's such a performer. baby did so well at the fancon. you wouldn't notice he was nervous. anyway this little scene needed to be out of my head. LIKE SERIOUSLY, imagine matthew still on high from the concert so he hurries backstage so he could play with you. he doesn't want his night of fun to end. he needs to put his dick inside you as soon as he gets off the stage. it's a routine at this point. he likes knowing your eyes were on him the whole event and you were as horny as he was. he could just ravish you in front of the crowd. post concert fuck!!!!!!!!
seok matthew x reader | flashfic | borderline explicit
contains: no gendered term for reader, idol matthew from 240323 fancon, suggestive tone, pet name ("baby")
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matthew thrived on stage. he'd be drunk on the fans' cheers, blinding lights, and the music. it was thrilling for him as it was for you. seeing him perform was always electric.
one would think after getting to burn that much energy, he'd be exhausted but resting was the last thing on his mind whenever he finished an event. not when you were there.
after his performances, he'd meet you backstage where you would be dutifully waiting for him.
“my matty!” you exclaimed as he rushed to you. his toned arms wrapped themselves to your waist as you gave him a hug.
the world disappeared in the background as you reveled in the warmth he emanated. his body was still covered sweat but you didn't mind especially when you had have him this close to you. you could feel every dip and muscle on him.
“you were incredible! almost too hot, honestly.” you told him, as his hands caressed your sides. he grinned at your praise. it made you happy to be hearing so many people scream his name. he really was getting there.
matthew's eyes darkened as you called him hot. he chuckled at your words, “my number one fan. it always will be you, baby.”
he kissed your neck. his lips brushing against your skin sent shivers through your body. you sighed contently as his soft lips attached itself to you, as if it was leaving a promise.
okay, he was too hot on stage. not an almost. he actually was.
it's not his fault he had so much charisma. but in turn, it made you hot and bothered in your seat when you see him on stage do body rolls and other dance moves that made you want to eat glass. he would find ways to tease you during the performances, such as his eyes locking into yours when he'd wave his body or do something simple as wiping the dampness away from his chest.
his tattoos even found themselves peaking out tonight, especially his latest rib tattoo. the way it teasingly appeared and disappeared behind his clothing through the night made it sexier. your hand instinctively went to his ribs and rubbed the spot where his tattoo was on. it wasn't hard to slip your hand underneath his loose sleeveless shirt.
this filmsy top was an accomplice to his crimes tonight. it had his strong arms on full display that made you want to bite into his muscles. it had revealed his tattoo. it had also given people a nice look of his toned chest. all the while he'd be interjecting aegyo while looking this fine. these things were enough to drive you mad.
you wondered how many people felt the same thing as you did.
these thoughts left your mind as soon as he grinded against you. his fingers traced the line of your waist down to your hips. he rolled his hips once more to you, wasting no time to express his arousal. you gulped down the excitement in your throat when you felt his hard on. the adrenaline that coursed through both of your veins made it impossible to resist each other.
matthew had a lot of energy left from performing that he always wanted to use it on you. the thing was he'd be so impatient and needy.
he locked eyes with you and in a seductive tone, he whispered, “let me give you your own private performance, yeah?”
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a/n: so we have two idol stories consecutively! (here's the other one) i'd probably rewrite this to a longer & better one when i get to properly sort of my thoughts and if y'all want it. (but i also want to be able to learn how to settle with flashfics/drabbles & hcs too wahh) (update: i made a flashfic from an anon thought in which it can be seen as a continuation from this of some sorts.)
divider credit: crazyfrm
image credit: matt _0528_0710 on twitter/x
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fixing-bad-posts · 2 months
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Heya, I really really hope this doesn't come off as particularly rude, but I was wondering, why would bisexual women be considered lesbians sometimes and I think you also brought up transgender men and genderqueer ppl? For bisexual women, I just am kinda confused, they can be in lesbian relationships and lesbian spaces, but just describing them as lesbians seems kinda confusing because lesbian denotes specifically sapphic attraction at least from where I've always heard it, so wouldn't it be kinda confusing. And for the genderqueer folks or trans folks, wouldn't that just bring their genders closer to feminine and at least from what I've heard from some pple I know, they don't like non binary being seen as more womanly (I've heard it being described as woman-lite before annoying) and instead seen as a more inbetween which it sometimes isn't, because of bigotry and other things since nbs can be both fem or masc or androgynous, but wouldn't non woman lesbians kinda push it to be seen as kinda more fem or that person as more fem? I don't know and frankly I'm just kinda confused. I'm really really sorry that this probably comes off as super rude and I hope you forgive me. I frankly just want to learn a little more and have been reading up but wanted to know what you thought. And I just realized how long this was, so so sorry
hello anon! these days, i usually don’t answer asks like these because i’ve already done so several times, but you seem very well-meaning and confused, so i’ll do my best to help. first of all, please check my faq for resources and links about mspec labels and bi lesbians.
second of all—generally—here is my advice for when you encounter a queer label that confuses you:
1) literally just ignore it until you...
2) meet someone in your life who uses that label, at which point you might (respectfully) ask them what using that label means to them specifically, and why it’s important. i’ve done this in real life. the script is something like,
“it’s really cool to get to talk to someone in real life about this stuff—if i may ask, what does identifying as [insert label] mean to you, personally?”
you might also say,
“i’ve never met someone who identifies with [their label] before. would you mind giving me some pointers on the important things to keep in mind in order to respect your identity/make sure you feel respected by me?”
i’ve also never asked anyone to correct me if i mess up and say something rude, but i’m working on the confidence and charisma to be able to say that, because i owe that to others.
all of that said, i wanted to respond to some of your specific questions, and clarify a couple of things below the cut. to clarify:
1. “describing [bisexual women] as lesbians seems kinda confusing because lesbian denotes specifically sapphic attraction”. to be clear i am not the one describing bisexual women as lesbians, in this hypothetical situation. when i post about bi-lesbians, i am posting in support of people who—for whatever reason—chose that label for themselves. what i am not doing: advocating to redefine the classically understood definition of lesbian for the entire populous.
2. “wouldn’t it be kinda confusing”? yes! i understand it can be confusing, and i commend you for expressing your confusion instead of reacting in disgust or anger. there are so many things in the queer community that are confusing, even to me, and you don’t need to feel guilty for asking questions as long as you come from a place of genuine curiosity. being confused isn’t bad, and defining yourself in a way that confuses others is, likewise, no transgression.
3. “for the genderqueer folks or trans folks, wouldn’t [identifying as a lesbian] just bring their genders closer to feminine […] wouldn’t non woman lesbians […] be seen as kinda more fem”? the answer is: sort of. it depends entirely on how and why the person using this label came to these words. you wrote, “i’ve heard from some pple i know, they don’t like non binary being seen as more womanly”, and i have definitely also heard that! so, for people who feel that way, they probably wouldn’t want a label that evokes womanhood and/or aligns them with femininity assigned to them. but every person is different—so for some nonbinary people, they absolutely do not want to be seen as “woman-lite”, whereas for other nonbinary people, they might want to be seen closer to femme than masc, while still nonbinary. this goes back to what i said at the beginning: best practice is to ask the people in your life how they want you to respect them.
closing thoughts: i hope this clarified some things, but i understand that the topic may still be confusing—feel free to message me if you want a non-judgmental queer to talk things through with. i promise i’ll take you in good faith <3
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grandlinedreams · 6 months
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Hiii, long time lurker first time requester here!! (on anon bcos tumblr is my safe place, I hope that’s okay :3) I was wondering if I could submit a request before you close them? 💕
I love how you write lighthearted scenes with Law, it’s always the perfect balance of comedy while staying true to his character! So, may I propose: the fake relationship trope with Law x reader?? Yknow the iconic scenario when two characters who are definitely not dating find themselves in a sticky situation so the reader pulls the ‘oh this is my boyfriend/girlfriend’ card completely out of the blue and the other person just has to kinda go along with it so as not to blow their cover?
Idek how that would even come about in a scenario involving Law but I just know he would be so exasperated but still committed to going along with it hehe
Anon your mind is 😙👌🏼 chefs kiss I love that trope and I hope that I made it work well bc i wanted to go the humor route but decided that the Kaz/Inej coding of reader and Law needed some more food so ㅡ
[heads up!: spy!reader, reader is not specifically gendered but they do wear a dress, angst, Law's a lil dumb okay]
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The party is beautiful. 
Soft orchestral music plays over the soft din of conversation, the sway of couples in lavish clothing and practiced weaving of staff through the clusters of socialites, trays of food held aloft and offered at various intervals.
Flute of champagne in hand, you watch from your place near a pillar, half-studying the people around you, half watching the fizz of tiny bubbles in your glass. 
"Not much of a dancer?" The speaker's tone is light and conversational, and when you look over, you half-recognize the man now standing next to you. He's the grandson of the man hosting this entire soiree ㅡ and you turn towards him.
"Unfortunately no," you answer with a demure smile, then dip your head to look through your eyelashes, tapping the rim of your glass against your lip. "I'm waiting on someone." 
You know his type, playing right into the invisible appeal as his gaze flickers, then brightens as he offers you his arm. "Perhaps I can at least offer a dance in the meantime?" 
Your smile widens just a little, the careful bat of your eyes. "Perhaps you can."
Your flute is set down in favor of tucking your arm into his and allowing him to sweep you out further onto the floor with the whisper of your dress against your legs. It's heavy and far from what you're accustomed to, but worth the extra beri for the way you fit right in amongst the others.
The press of his other hand is warm against your back, just shy of touching exposed skin ㅡ and you welcome the touch of dizziness from the champagne to keep from balking at the idea of him touching you. 
"This person you're waiting for," your partner says as he leads you through a graceful arc past another couple, "shame on them for keeping such a lovely creature such as yourself waiting for so long."
Your skin crawls, even as you laugh softly. "I assure you, they'reㅡ"
"There you are." A familiar voice makes you turn, finding sharp gold eyes focused on you, then your partner. Trafalgar Law looks less than thrilled about much at any given moment but right now, he looks livid, jaw taut as he watches you and your partner scramble for something to say.
"My apologies," your dance partner says, his expression shifting to mask his discomfort at Law's sudden appearance. "I take it that this is your…"
"My boyfriend," you answer smoothly, sheepish and apologetic as you disengage your arm from his and step towards Law. "It was lovely to dance with you. But if you'll excuse us for a moment?"
You don't give him or Law a chance to answer, grabbing the latter's hand to pull him with you as you hurry away as quickly as your dress and situational awareness will allow you. You're still working, after all, even if Law showing up has potentially jammed a wrench into the cogs. 
What is he even doing here? You want to demand answers, furious that he'd decided to show up unannounced ㅡ like he doesn't trust you. That alone both stokes your fury and douses it in cold water, an odd juxtaposition that ultimately just makes you feel sick.
Law lets you drag him down the hallway, the hard click of your shoes against the marble floor, studying the bounce of your carefully styled hair, the way the jeweled end of your hairpin sways with your movement. 
You'd been lucky enough to weave your web of deception strong enough to secure yourself a place to stay close to your target, and you let go of Law's hand in favor of fussing with the door before yanking him inside.
Law watches your shoulders sag with visible relief as you shut the door, then turn towards him. "What were you thinking? I had this under control." 
He knows. He knows you're more than capable of handling things like this, have proven yourself time and time again ㅡ he doesn't need to check in on you. But he doesn't want to admit the real reason, that he'd been jealous of someone else's hands on you, touching you the way he should be. 
Of course he'd never admit that, he'd rather take it to the grave with him than offer the open wound of vulnerability when he isn't sure you'd return his feelings. 
"You know what?" You say when he's quiet for too long, tone sharp with hurt wrapped in exhausted disbelief at his actions, "I don't want to hear it." 
He should apologize. Tell you that he hadn't meant to almost blow your cover, that he hadn't been thinking ㅡ but instead he watches you cross the room with the rustle of your dress, trying to clean up the clutter of just hours before.
"I just wish you'd trust me," you say, and Law can tell that it's more than just tonight that's bothering you. 
"I do trust you."
You scoff, silence broken by the hard click of plastic cased cosmetics that you toss roughly back into your bag and then reach to tug the pin out of your hair. "Could have fooled me."
Your tone is scathing, all raised hackles and sharp teeth ㅡ remnants of the wild thing you'd once been and in some ways still are. You, for all your sharp edges and uncomfortable truths, still find a way to nestle in his chest, tuck yourself in his heart in ways that terrify him. 
Your huff of frustration breaks Law out of his thoughts to find you struggling with the zipper at the top of your back, and he crosses the room without thinking.
The silent bat of his hand against yours makes you stiffen, hands moving to the bodice of your dress as he pinches the key of the zipper between his fingers.
"I do trust you," he repeats softly. He struggles, the drag of the zipper teeth agonizingly slow. "I apologize if I haven't made that clear." 
You stare at the mess of your bed. "I don't understand what the issue is, then." Your words are a knife you know how to wield and do it well, tight grip on the hilt and sharp tip at proverbial underbelly. "You do your job, I do mine. It's simple."
And yet it isn't. As much as Law wishes that it were, it's far from it. Because he cares about you, cares for you in ways he's trying so hard not to. 
The slow gap of your skin exposed, soft and unguarded that entices him, makes him want in ways he knows he shouldn't. You should pull away, demand he leave, that you'll see him later when you return to the Polar Tang. 
You don't. Instead, you let him pull the zipper down further. And maybe, if he were a different man, that would be enough. 
It isn't. 
The ghost of his fingers against your back makes you stiffen, but you don't discourage him. They slide along the slope of your shoulders, make an invisible path he entertains the brief fantasy of following with his mouth.
And maybe he could, maybe you'd let him ㅡ after all, you'd told those party goers he was your boyfriend. It'd been hasty, quick thinking on your part, but brilliant ㅡ as always. You never miss a beat, always thinking ahead. What he admires about you is the same thing that drives him crazy ㅡ you're always ahead of him, even in this. He knows, and is aware all he has to do is meet you in the middle.
He pulls away. 
"Do you regret allowing me to join your crew, Law?" Your voice, ever that blade, slices through the uncomfortable silence to twist deeper into the ache of his chest. "If you do, this is the perfect time to tell me to leave. I'm sure you can come up with something to tell the others."
You're offering him an out. A way to escape this complicated tangle, let him deflect and deny until you're nothing but a distant memory and a handful of reminders left around the Polar Tang. He should let you leave. 
"I want you," he says instead, and he means to follow that up with something, but it falls flat in the now stilted gap between you. 
You exhale. "You want me." 
You turn towards him, moonlight against the slope of your neck, the dip of your collarbone. Your eyes gleam, flashing with emotion. "And how would you have me, Law? Fully clothed, head turned so our lips can never meet?" 
That knife slips between his ribs and up, punctures his heart, lets him silently bleed out between every breath. He's reminded that you don't wear the boiler suit, your clothes unadorned with his jolly roger ㅡ a reminder that he does not own you (nor does he want to. He just wants you to stay.), and you are not his. But you could be, you tell him silently. You need him to meet you in the middle. That's all.
Something in your face shifts, breaking in his silence. "I will have you without armor, Trafalgar Law, or I will not have you at all." 
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