#isn't that a fucking trip

[glassfullofsass]

Queen of the Rodeo - A Ronance AU

Playlist

Nancy Wheeler grew up in the saddle. She's spent more time on horseback than on her own two feet, and she's loved every second.

But on the other side of forty, it's getting harder to ignore what it's cost her.

She'd done her time as rodeo queen like her mother before her, but unlike Karen, Nancy hadn't married up and settled down when her year was done. Instead, when it was time, she passed the crown on to the inimitable Erica Sinclar, and kept competing.

She'd had a good run, too, winning more breakaways than she scratched and constantly breaking her own records on the barrel races. But then her roping partner Barb had taken a bad fall and quit the arena all together, leaving Nancy to face the circuit alone.

Since then, Nancy's been the only rider on Coach Hopper's roster, and the old sheriff has been hinting at his own retirement for a while. Even his lady, the legendary Joyce Byers, idol of every cowgirl west of the Mississippi, had given up rodeos younger than Nancy was now, though she even still worked hard as a rancher.

Joyce certainly hadn't started riding roughstock at thirty like Nancy did, seizing an open slot at a back country rodeo that didn't care too much about propriety. And since then, Nancy’d driven two or three states over any time the WPRA could pull together enough competitors.

Nancy doesn't regret it, even when it hurts, even when she loses.

But it's starting to hurt more often than it doesn't, and she's losing more often than she wins these days. Plus, Barb isn't the only friend Nancy's run off; she burned a lot of bridges and broke a few hearts to earn her place at the top. She still loves the rodeo like nothing else, but it's getting to be lonely.

It’s also a long way down. She's not sure the Harringtons will keep her on as a ranch hand if she's not bringing prizes to their stables, and if she has to leave behind ranching on top of leaving the rodeo…

Something has to give soon, though. Nancy can read the writing on the wall: she's slowing down and even though it's only in milliseconds, it makes a difference on the breakaway.

If Nancy could let go and trust that she'd land on her feet, maybe she could get out of her own way. She's pushed away friends, family, and lovers, but if she'd risk being vulnerable just enough, she could still reconnect with a community – and one woman in particular – that still loves her.

Robin Buckley's parents made a number of decisions about her life that were supposedly for her safety. The wisest was, probably, never letting her near a horse.

So, though she grew up out in ranch country, surrounded by brush and cowboys, Robin's never so much as given a colt a sugar cube, let alone ridden a full grown mare or – heaven forbid – a stallion.

That doesn't mean she doesn't appreciate a good rodeo. Or the riders, anyway.

But being an admirer – particularly of a woman's sport – doesn't pay the bills. 

Nor does an associate's degree in Spanish, as it turns out. So much for her late nights at the community college.

Once upon a time, Robin had bigger dreams. And it's not impossible to still chase them. Steve'd offered to take her, to load up his truck with their bags and just drive until they got somewhere. 

Robin knows she could do something, if she was somewhere. But that means leaving, and as much as Robin once thought she had to, it doesn't feel as necessary as it once did. And it’s a little more frightening, the idea of starting over, now that she’s no longer young and restless.

She has a place here now. She has regulars at the diner, and regulars at the bar, and Steve.

And yeah, sue her. She has some unresolved heartbreak courtesy of the local rodeo queen emeritus. It's been more than a few years since she and Nancy had anything between them, but messy and flash-paper quick as it was, Robin still carries a torch for her.

Hell, Robin has carried a torch for Nancy since they were both thirteen, and Robin wheedled her aunt into taking her to the rodeo for the very first time.

Nancy had been glorious, all red bows and silver thread, lightening quick around the barrels in a perfect clover leaf, strong and steady on a beautiful gray horse that thundered around the pen, kicking dust in its wake.

It's not like Robin had been naïve, going into things. Nancy wasn't the first cowgirl Robin had hooked up with, and she'd known she was hardly Nancy's first partner either. So Robin knew what she was getting with Nancy, the night she'd looked Robin over with those deep brown eyes and smiled honey-sweet.

She knew it wouldn't last, and that was fine.

Until it wasn't, because it did last. Longer than Robin expected, long enough that she forgot to hold back. Long enough that she forgot why she shouldn't fall in love.

She'd gotten burnt pretty bad, for that mistake.

Still, it had been years. Robin had moved on, had other partners, other relationships, had even been in love again.

Her breath still catches when she sees Nancy, and she's learned to live with it. She's just not sure she could live without it.

If she could find the resolve, Robin might find fulfillment elsewhere, where her ear for languages might be appreciated as more than a party trick and she wouldn't be dependent on tips to keep her lights on. But if she'd take a chance and risk her heart one more time, she'd find that the cowgirl of her dreams might be ready for a change of pace, too.

#Stranger Things #no upside down au #older au #isn't that a fucking trip #Rodeo au #Cowboy is a gender #Nancy Wheeler's gender is Cowboy #Ronance #Nancy Wheeler #Robin Buckley #In fucking JANUARY I was listening to Juice Newton and texted Min “if not ronance cowboy au why so many glittery cowboy heartbreak songs?” #Happy Pride #Thanks to Min for hosting the spotify playlist. and for being my sounding board over every bit of this. #if y'all don't listen to the playlist you are MISSING OUT #I spent fucking HOURS agonizing over the songs and the order and it is SO GOOD #I am aware that I wrote 1k and am not calling it an actual fic but listen. It's a multimedia art installation. #1k #Please ask me about any of this i would love to go into minute detail on every single lyric and sentence and idea #Spotify #Nancy Wheeler/Robin Buckley #I hope the playlist link works? #Spotify is being difficult

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

*tries to organize my thoughts*

*remembers i'm not in school and therefore beholden to neither heaven nor hell nor any man's grading system*

*joyously shredding & tossing all my carefully arranged 3x5 mental notecards into the air like so much beige confetti. raising my arms in victory, cheering raucously until i accidentally inhale bits of homemade confetti*

(*coughing up itty bits of paper like a cat evicting a hairball with a firm understanding of tenants' rights*) wait wat happens next

#i marie kondoed my thoughts and *i* feel great. but now my stream-of-consciousness has escaped containment #so many innocent bystanders at stake #every time i try to organize my thoughts i run out of plastic bins and have to make a trip to the container store where i get even more dis #racted so. you can't just hand me THIS brain and NO catalogue OR library classification system #and expect me to single-handedly sort through all this nonsense? bad form but fucking form not in my job description #aNYways. formal education sure did a FUCKING NUMBER on us huh #(a number i measure not in gpa or dollars of student debt. #but in the number of therapy sessions & medical debt it will take to recover.) #seriously folks. our education systems are...innately traumatizing for a huge number of students. and we NEED to address this. #the fact that it is culturally common for adults to have anxiety nightmares about school/exams...even decades later? #that is not cute. it is Alarming. #no one--much less entire generations--should be spending their developmental years in an environment of chronic stress & pressure & strain #and yet that is the reality for millions and millions of pre-teen and teenage and young adult students #this isn't healthy and it serves and empowers NO ONE #...except of course the many exploitative educational & financial & debt-collecting institutions thriving from the current balance of power #and of course it's a nefarious and powerful way to sabotage/erase the middle class #which billionaires and the wealth-inequality creators they finance couldn't possibly have any noteworthy interest in whatsoever #it's not like there's an elite group of people with huge financial incentives to drain/steal resources from the masses... #anyways sorry for going all Conspiracy Theory on you. #obviously the billionaires who control the vast majority of our resources and news and political campaign funding #are not tied to every single itty bitty social issue and i'm a silly billy to imply it #please tell elon musk to ignore this tweet i am so subservient and acquiescent #mr musky u r so good at inheriting slavery-built mining fortunes & buying other people's companies #& building rocket ships & fancy cars that do NOT explode/catch fire & also NOT running billion dollar companies into the ground #mr musky u r so talented genius billionaire playboy with 10 kids and ex-wives who find you creepy af babe u r basically iron man

[magpiesketchins]

I'm sorry I didn't sign up to be emotionally eviscerated by Sam Vimes reading to his son.

#Thud! #sam vimes #This book is going to be a trip for someone with a Bad Relationship With Their Father isn't it #Sam fucking Vimes man #Truly the most character ever #This is my first read through of the city watch series and it has consumed me #discworld #He's a good dad!!!! #I'm emotional about it!!!

[sergle]

culture clash punched me in the face when i read that you don't have a passport. like WHA

like why would I have a passport when plane tickets from the states into Any Other Country cost upwards of 1k, i don't go on "holiday", bc i don't have that kind of time, and my family doesn't even have the money to replace the 2003 PT Cruiser we've been driving into the ground

#sergle answers #like WHERE am I going and with WHAT money???? why would I have a passport #like yes I see other motherfuckers being like omg taking a 1 week trip to ireland! #visiting japan for a few days! #i'm going to amsterdam! liveblogging from italy! #i can't fucking do that and that isn't real #like being able to SCOOCH AROUND with such frequency that you even need a passport is such a massive privilege #and it's one that I DON'T have and will probably never have

[anto-pops]

Oh, Mother, the things I would do Sebastian's hands...

I would start on my knees, looking up through my lashes with fuck me eyes, softly kissing his fingertips and knuckles, nuzzling the back of his hand affectiontely as I slowly kiss my way to his wrist. I lick his radial pulse before kissing it passionately, sucking and nibbling, feeling it thrum against my tongue. I caress his forearm before giving it the same attention as I did his hand, rubbing my cheeks against it like a needy cat, feeling the rough, coarse hair against my face before I start mouthing along straining muscles. I trace the bulging veins with the tip of my tongue, gliding all the way up until they disappear beneath the inside of his elbow. Then I kiss his brachial pulse, sucking and nipping at the thin skin until I leave my mark before working my way down to his wrist again. I start to suck hungrily at his fingers, starting with his thumb, batting my lashes at him as I clean the salt off his skin, finger after finger, moaning softly until he takes my cue, hoping he'll force at least two digits down my throat so micro tears could wet my lashes as I fight against my gag reflex.

Imagine how I'd worship his hand when he's on the bed. :)

GOOD LORD SHOULD I LEAVE THE ROOM LMAOOOAEKFJASGH

#asks #localravenclaw #I FEEL LIKE I'M INTRUDING ON AN INTIMATE MOMENT BY READING THIS BUT DAMN IF IT ISN'T IMAGINATIVE #1000/10 HAND KINK CONTENT THIS IS THE SHIT I'M AFTER #LOAN ME YOUR BRAIN PLEASE I JUST NEED 10 MINUTES WITH IT #I can't fucking wait to be home from this Tahoe trip I need SILENCE and PRIVACY to unleash the utter debauchery flooding my mind now #THANK YOU FOR THIS BTW I GENUINELY LOVE HOW DESCRIPTIVE IT IS

[terrainofheartfelt]

the thing that is really getting me with the wga/sag-aftra strike, and the corporate greed that brought us all to this place, is that for my entire life, as someone who has always wanted to be an artist of some kind, the conventional wisdom is that becoming an artist means resigning yourself to a life of poverty and forfeiting a future that allows you to live in basic dignity and human comfort.

and isn't that so fucked? that the unspoken thing about working in the arts is that because you chose it over something else, you don't deserve to live comfortably? because, why, you didn't choose to be a business major? or didn't choose to be generationally wealthy?

except it's not unspoken anymore, because artists are asking to be compensated adequately for their work, and studio execs are saying that they will wait to starve them out like fucking 14th century serfs. because that's what you get for not being corporately savvy enough to choose a vocation in the arts.

I'm just, I'm really tired of talking around the issue in every circle, which at the heart is this: there is one side that says every human being, no matter their field of expertise or age or stage in their career, deserves to live in dignity and not poverty, and the other side is saying that for the sake of their own near-sighted comfort, an unquantifiable number of people deserve to suffer. and i'm really tired of the fallacy that's been fed to me all my life that I can either be an artist, or live with the basic dignity of a home and meals and healthcare.

anyway. yes strikes yes unions fuck the amptp xoxoxoxoxo

#i started this rant in the tags of something but then decided my unorganized thoughts should have a post of their own #wga #sag aftra #just 'oh you want a career in music? enjoy being poor lol' i'm so fucking sick of it #i'm not singing anymore because the psychological toll of never having enough money was literally killing me #and isn't that fucked? because. i'm really fucking good. #bastille day is coming up........maybe we should like........storm some things............ #i'd like to wish studio execs a very one way submersible trip

[finnpeach]

Sand and Dust - Trigun Stampede

Yeah... I don't have any words for this one really. Vash has been living rent-free in my head and I need to get all my ideas out before I forget them, so please enjoy this hiding/allergy scene that definitely should've happened but unfortunately didn't. Set between episode 4 and episode 5. I love this little family and Vash duh <3 Comments and tags and feedback are always loved and appreciated as well ☺️

After their escape from the worm, the band of journalists and outlaws stop at an desecrated shanty town to search for fuel and supplies. It's small, with only a few buildings standing as proof that people ever lived here. The place looks like something out of a horror movie. 

Meryl is the only one who wants to keep going. Something about this place doesn't feel right to her. “The radar says there’s a populated outpost fifty miles from here. We shouldn’t stop here, it looks abandoned.” 

“I’d like to stretch my legs,” Roberto says, one of the first to hop out of the vehicle. Wolfwood and Vash follow shortly after. “And it looks like it’s three to one, newbie.“

“We won’t be here for long,” Vash reconciles gently, opening Meryl’s door for her. “It’ll be better to search here first, in case the next outpost isn’t welcoming.” 

Meryl grumbles something about wanting to go one day without getting shot at or eaten by something before she hops out of the car, following behind Roberto. 

“Vash and I will search the shops for supplies. Roberto, you and the kid find some fuel for the car,” Wolfwood says as he lights another cigarette, his cross weighted across his back. “Meet back here in forty five minutes.”

The two groups split up and head in opposite directions. Roberto and Meryl walk towards what looks like a service station while Wolfwood and Vash search a dilapidated store for bullets and supplies.

“This place looks like it’s been abandoned for years,” Wolfwood says as they saunter inside. Golden flecks of dust dance through the air, like shimmery diamonds. Just the sight makes Vash’s nose itch.

Wolfwood kicks over a box and rummages through the contents. “Wonder what happened.”

“There’s no plant here… but it doesn’t seem like there ever was one to begin with. Maybe  they just couldn’t keep supplying the town.” Vash looks around the store. The windows are shattered, the shelves toppled over in a heap. The place has been ransacked, either by bandits or something else.

He starts to investigate for any information or signs of life while Wolfwood kicks another box over. Vash's gaze lands on deep, long scratch marks on the floor that lead out the door. They’re about a meter long and are cut deep into the wood.

“Was someone dragged out of here…?” It doesn’t look like an animal made this. He looks closer at the walls. There’s smatterings of blood near the baseboards and pieces of the wallpaper have been ripped apart. More signs of struggle.

Suddenly, the earth begins to vibrate, deep and slow. Vash freezes as the walls begin to shake and the broken glass on the floor starts to chatter. Dust billows off the tops of the shelves in waves. 

Vash slides quickly over to the broken door and presses against the wall, peering outside. Something is here.

“Wolfwood,” he hisses, searching for him in the store. The undertaker appears silently beside him, like a ghost, and Vash nearly yelps in fright at the surprise.

“We’re being hunted.” Wolfwood’s breath is low and quiet. “Another worm, or something of the same size. See the sand over there?” He points to the enormous, sharp ridges rising like waves at the edge of the town. 

Vash gasps when he realises where it's crawling to. “It’s heading for Meryl and Roberto—“ He moves to lunge towards the door, but Wolfwood is quicker and shoves him roughly against the wall, his hand pressed tightly to Vash’s chest.

“Idiot! Do you want to get swallowed up again? If they hide and keep quiet, it won’t know they’re there. We just have to wait it out.” 

Vash heaves an irritated sigh but relents. Wolfwood is right. The worm might know they’re here, but as long as they stay put, it should pass on. He tries not to imagine the poor human who made those scratch marks on the floor, a helpless victim for the worm’s appetite. 

They wait, pressed against the wall as the sand starts to shift towards the store rather than the service station. Even though it's now headed for them, Vash feels hope blossom in his chest at the fact that the worm has changed course from Meryl and Roberto. He shuts his eyes and sniffles, eager to get out of this dusty store. 

The earth rumbles again, sending sheets of dust and sand off the shelves again. The aftermath hangs suspended in the air directly around Wolfwood and Vash, surrounding them like a fog.

Vash rubs at his nose. The itch that blossomed in his nose when they walked into the store has become more persistent, rooted. His eyes are starting to water and he can feel his throat becoming tight as the dust enters his sinuses. This is not a good time for his allergies to act up. He tries not to breathe, but that just makes the itch worse and makes his nose start to run. The rumbling gets deeper as the worm approaches. It feels like there’s a tingling, burning fire in his sinuses. He presses his head back against the wall, breath catching in his chest as the itch becomes too much to hold back.

“Hih… hh… hihhh…!” His eyes slip shut as he hitches, eyebrows pinching together in sneezy irritation. He’s going to—!

“H’NDKT!” Suddenly, there’s a warm hand pressed against his nose, pinching his nostrils shut and forcing him to stifle. He releases a shaky breath and opens his teary eyes to see Wolfwood staring daggers at him.

Don’t. You. Dare. He seems to say with his gaze. Wolfwood's hand is still clasped around Vash’s nose.

The worm rumbles past them, the vibrations growing lighter as it moves on. 

Now that the imminent danger is out of the way, Wolfwood releases Vash and grabs him by the collar of his jacket, pulling him up so that Vash is just dangling in the air by Wolfwood's fists. He chokes in surprise and grips his wrists.

“You dumbass! You’re going to get us killed!“ He hisses, pushing Vash back against the wall. 

“S-sorryhh… ihht’s the duhh.. duhhst…- heh! H’IGKT’uh! Hih’IGKTsh!

Wolfwood has dropped his grip on Vash’s collar to press his hand around the blonde’s nose again and catch the two sneezes. They both freeze as the rumbling of the earth comes to a sudden halt. They've been heard.

They’re chest to chest now, silent. The only sounds Vash can hear are their heartbeats pounding rhythmically in their chests, waiting for the inevitable.

In an instant, the worm races back in their direction again and the earthquakes resume in greater intensity.

Wolfgang presses him so tight against the wall that Vash can barely breathe. They need to stay silent. He can only drink in small sips of air around his hand, which is probably for the best because every breath just ignites the itch deeper in his sinuses. He rubs his nose against Wolfgang’s hand, desperate for relief. He’s so itchy. He has to… he’s going to—

“Vash—” Wolfgang stutters as he watches Vash’s features twist again. This is a battle that Vash is going to lose.

“H’ihTSSHHhiew!” Vash sneezes loudly against Wolfgang’s hand, unable to hold the sneeze back despite the support. Wolfgang curses under his breath as the spray coats his hand and pulls his hand back, readying his cross. The rumbling of the earth intensifies.

The itch has multiplied in his nose, flecks of dust and sand pressing themselves deeper into his sensitive nostrils. He sneezes again, and again, and again.

“H’TSCHhh! H’ITSCHh’tssh! Hh-ih… H’aHTSSCHhh’ue!”

“You absolute dipshit!” Wolfwood shouts and punches him in the chest. Vash grunts against the blow and leans against the wall. Any remaining glass on the window shatters as the worm screams beneath the sand.

Wolfwood grabs his machine gun cross and rips off the fabric, twisting the cross across his shoulders. He takes aim as the worm peaks above the sand with a roar. The building shakes and the ground starts to give way beneath them.

“Run!” Wolfwood kicks Vash in the ass out the door, sending him falling on his face and into the sand. He sneezes again but scrambles to his feet as the worm rams its enormous neck into the store.

Wolfwood fires off a round at the giant beast’s head, leaping towards solid ground before racing after Vash. His bullets make direct contact and penetrate the beast's hide. The worm roars and sinks back into the sand, bloodied and angry. The earth shakes again.

“If we survive, I’m going to kill you!” Wolfwood smacks the back of Vash’s head as they near the vehicle. Roberto and Meryl are already in the front seat, searching for them.

“Drive!” They both shout as they tumble into the backseat. Without missing a beat, Meryl shoots the car forward and they take off. 

Vash is in the middle of a sneezing fit as they drive away from the town, holding his head in his hands. "H'idTSHh! Heh... H'ipTSHhhiew! Hih-hih-hh..! H'ITSSHhhh'ue! Snfff..."

He takes a deep breath and slumps against the seat, exhausted, but not before one final, "Huh.. hahktschh..." It's no more than a release of air and is a testament to how tired he is. He snuffles again and scrunches up his nose as the itch subsides.

"Enough! Will you shut up already!" Wolfwood snaps, pressing his body tight against the car door. He looks like a sibling who wants to do nothing more than to get away from his younger, annoying brother. Anger rolls off of him in fiery, unrelenting waves.

In the rearview mirror, Meryl watches as the general store sinks into the sand and the worm rises above again, its cries splitting the sky. It decides not to follow them, luckily.

“Jeez. No wonder that town is abandoned,” she says, turning on the radio. “I told you guys we shouldn’t have stopped there. We could’ve been swallowed up again!”

“Blame needle-noggin over here,” Wolfwood mutters, pressing a cigarette to his lips. He casts a glare at Vash out of the corner of his eye, who is pawing at his irritated nose.

“I told you I’m.. I-hh.. h’ITSHHiew!” He sneezes again, the spray catching Wolfwood’s thigh. “Sndff! I told you I’mb sorry!” 

“I don’t care! And would it kill you to cover your mouth?!” Wolfwood punches Vash’s arm and turns to glare out the window, mumbling something about how disgusting Vash is and how he wishes he’d left him with the worm. Vash just smiles and rubs at his arm, chuckling sheepishly.

“Hey, boys, no fighting. Be nice,” Meryl chides, angling the rearview mirror to look at both of them. 

Vash gives her a shy smile and waves, his nose a bright rosey pink. Wolfwood glares at her reflection and flips her off before turning his attention out the window again. She laughs, and turns up the radio as they race across the dunes of sand.

#hmm I hope this was ok #I feel like it was better than the first fic #but also still so short for me idk #anyway I love when theyre in the car dhjhfjkerhklda it's such 'siblings on a long car trip' vibes #wolf wood's like mooooom vash sneezed on me again tell him to stop!!!! #my writing #allergy fic #snzfic #snzblr #sneeze kink #I don't know if I necessarily ship wolf wood and vash just bc I love his friendship w livio #but hey I can be convinced either way and if you ship them and want to carry this idea on where they fuck afterwards then I am all for it #meh I feel like my writing isn't as good with these characters but I find vash really hard to write bc he's just him. and it's daunting to #try and write someone so perfect #anyway I hope you enjoyed please let me know if you did <3

[franeridan]

reading volume 105 and I had forgotten we actually got mihawk's bounty and on page acknowledgement that he's a better swordsman than shanks??? they have half a billion difference in bounty mihawk's is still over half a billion above luffy's this is absolutely fantastic to me for many many reasons but especially because by god zoro seriously fought him ten volumes in. he really tried to fight someone with three times king's bounty with only one named sword and three weeks of experience as a pirate. he actually left his village at age sixteen specifically looking for him and went up to him at age nineteen convinced he was gonna win. and he had the guts to complain about mihawk using the butter knife to fight him too how is he alive he's so lucky mihawk felt like adopting that day

#i have already extensively lost my mind over final boss mihawk cruising the waters of the plot since the early chapters for #absolutely no reason whatsoever and tricking you into forgetting he's an actual god walking between ants #but when i read these things in the manga it fucks me over all over again like #yes sure shanks was there first chapter too but not as an enemy??? not sitting smack in the middle of the shichibukai #nearly all of them luffy defeated when he was still nothing more than a rabid chihuahua??? #insane!!! mihawk is insane!!!! #but the fact that he has only half a billion difference with shanks ESPECIALLY trips me cause #strength isn't the only factor in deciding a bounty in one piece!!! #influence! power on the seas! number of territories and subordinates!! the type of crimes they committed!! #they all play a factor in deciding someone's worth together with their strength #and shanks has all of that #all of that factors in his four billions bounty #but mihawk has none of that!!! no power! no territories! he doesn't even have crewmates!!! #he's alone doing his thing by himself!!!! #he /was/ called the marine hunter so I'll guess he does have the incidents to make his bounty increase #but aside from that it's all calculated on his strength??? his strength alone is worth 3.5 billions????? #how high would his bounty even be if he had a fleet and territories like shanks does?????? #dude #dude I'm obsessed with mihawk #in case that wasn't clear or obvious enough #......he's pretty much worth the added bounties of marco king and katakuri i cannot wrap my head around this #he straight up says he doesn't want to be an emperor is this why he isn't one it is isn't it dude made it so himself #oh i LOVE him when is he becoming relevant already #if oda doesn't give me either a fight between him and shanks or with them allied fighting side by side before the end I'll cry fr

[presiding]

What is your favourite thing about Billie Lurk?

(Answers are obvious possibly but i love when people talk about her👍)

thanks for the ask!! YEAH ME TOO I love when people talk about Billie! I can't say I have a favourite thing specifically, but I can explain why she's my fav. apologies for not taking this qn literally, but -

short answer: she’s really cool

& you can stop reading there, or, for the maybe 2 mutuals who might have time to read this my thoughts on her as a character, her meta, and her character as raw potential...

long answer:

i considered making this entire thing a gush so you could read a gush about Billie. but, part of what draws me to her is that she’s not always well written, and in fandom she’s underrated for a literal protagonist.

since you ask...

billie is a cool character

when I played Dh2 (hadn't played Dh1), I was excited to see a black woman with disabilities who was captaining a massive ship by herself. wow.

then I discovered Billie’s backstory with Deirdre, the way she responded to that, then having to survive while living on the run, and her bisexuality. as well as her history with daud & delilah. fascinating!

she’s an outsider who has so much to lose, and knows what it's like to lose everything - having lost everything not once but three times - but nevertheless speaks truth to power. she's so brave! she went and helped Emily & Corvo and she must have known they might kill her! plus, she’s smart, she’s funny, she gets shit done, she’s gorgeous.

but... the meta

mild critique of fandom & arkane incoming.

skip this bit if you want - you've been warned twice now - jump to tired Hayao Miyazaki and read from there if you'd like my thoughts on writing her.

i thought Death of the Outsider was going to be amazing and then... well. *sad trombone* i've written about that before so i won't keep banging on. i figured others must be disappointed too, so I joined a few fandom spaces in hopes of finding camaraderie.

most people with complaints about DotO didn’t like how the Outsider and Daud were handled. which is valid & I agree. but it seemed like most paid no attention to Billie; when people talk about her it’s with respect to Daud, as opposed to in her own right. you could argue for fandom misogyny because people don’t talk about adult Emily Kaldwin that much either, but in Billie's case, it’s misogynoir (compare & contrast with the popularity of thomas, particularly the popularity of thomas portrayed as a white man for no particular reason that i've been able to discern - i keep asking around, is it in the books???).

i think this is a LOT better now than it used to be, which is fantastic. or perhaps i have found the correct echo-chamber? ha.

ultimately, The Fandom is a fraction of the entire picture, and not even the important bit since The Fandom is not who these games are made for. you can't make money relying on only your hardcore fans even if all of them spent a fortune on merch, this is true for any AAA game.

while it's true that Billie is underrated from a fandom perspective - but Billie as an underwritten protagonist is squarely Arkane’s fault.

it was reasonable when she was a side character - the lack of info in Dh2 makes perfect sense (if anything there was more lore in Dh2 which is kind of wild)-

- but as a protagonist in Death of the Outsider?

.... there’s lousy writing, and there’s whatever is going on with Billie Lurk, a black woman who mostly exists as a foil or saviour for light-skinned characters. In her own game there’s barely any of her own lore except where it's relevant to saving two dudes.

lore hints at, but barely touches on what race means in the Dh universe (xenophobia is stronger in Dh1; separate essay i guess), but Arkane has patted themselves on the back for portraying non-white characters, which feels like the same thing as the aesthetic of diversity we're seeing in advertising currently because it’s in marketing trend guides. it's self-congratulatory and it's a missed opportunity for deeper storytelling.

you can see an example of diversity at its most shallow in the way that Billie’s written: there’s little engagement with her as an entire person with history & wants & preferences, and the world she walks through in that game feels like it has nothing to do with her. you could make a case for alienation as a theme, but then, how do you handle the titular premise of 'Dishonored' without ever letting Billie make changes in an environment without a chaos system? it's disappointing from that angle too.

in my opinion, whatever it's worth, it was an accident Arkane created such an awesome character - they needed someone to betray daud. congrats billie.

all this said, it makes her an underdog as far as characters to enjoy & create art & stories for. it's nice to find so many like-minded, switched on people! <3

billie's character potential

she’s got a wealth of unexplored lore, being deeply intertwined with both Karnaca & Dunwall’s fates & criminal underbellies, as well as her connections to the witches & whalers, and three Empresses.

she’s lived a few distinct lifetimes and in the games we get to meet her at two peaks (KoD & DotO) & a low (Dh2 as Meagan).

her voice is very distinct, her dry & often dark humour is entertaining & fun to write. her perspective is really interesting - she’s had the widest variety of void-powers of anyone canonically, and she’s also lived through the highest highs and lowest lows.

she's got everything going for her :) i couldn't really pick a fav thing!

#i assume my followers are cool enough to let me give a brief measured critique on fandom trends and DotO #thanks for the anon question!! what fun! #i love billie lurk <333 #jumped on the opportunity to rant n rave #what part of billie isn't my fav! (im a guy who likes the bad stuff too. mmm interesting meta) #trying to be not unfair or mean- i'm not targeting anyone but rather trends. and it's ok to be disappointed with something you love #fuck it. make it part of the appeal! her writing sucks! plenty of room for me & other creators! #its easier for me to indulge my billie brainworms when it sorta feels like she's not getting as much love as she deserves #you know? i want stories where her history is explored and her agency is important so i guess i'll roll up my sleeves #tumblr is a terrible place for this sort of critique IMO- lots of nuanceless empathy-free guilt-trip-ish rhetoric #so i hope i avoided that. but not so much that i seem forgiving. #that said i'm not tagging this one with fandom tags! no thank you. #i am blaming arkane yes. but that is also not without games industry context #i could complain about amateurish writing but that also never happens in a vacuum. industry problem(s) for sure. #people love to blame writers for things #and yeah a couple really fucking good writers can push a boulder uphill #but its usually a company problem #hire lots of diverse people in your company. give them authority and respect and reasonable workloads. and no crunch. #ah fuck this is a separate essay in tags. again #THIS WAS A SIMPLE QUESTION #*clutches head in hands* #uh if you're still reading at this point im SO sorry and thank you and i love you

[theygender]

Going to visit the more conservative side of my gf's family who she's 0% out to sucks but it's also kinda funny bc like. I only have three presentation modes I can possibly pass as: turbodyke, genderfucker, or cis man. I can't look like the first one around that side of her family since she's not out as a woman to them so my presentation automatically loops back around to one of the other two in trying to avoid it, and since I'm specifically trying to NOT look queer it usually means I get read as a cis man—which completely defeats the purpose bc then I get people asking if I'm her gay boyfriend. Last time we were preparing to visit them I put on an unassuming T-shirt and jeans, looked in the mirror, and just told her "I don't think I'm beating the gay boyfriend allegations"

#choosing whether it's safer to be interpreted as a gay man or a Transgender or an inconceivably masculine straight (failed) woman #is a fucking trip let me tell you #it's one that i have to deal with to some extent any time i go outside #but adding my gf's conservative family to the mix makes it even worse #bc then i can't let people (correctly) interpret me as a dyke or even hope to pass as a straight man #and no matter what I'm interpreted as i risk outing her as some level of queer #surprisingly it seems like letting people believe I'm her gay boyfriend has been easier so far than being interpreted as her girlfriend #'fairly respectable cis gay couple' seems to be easier for them to wrap their heads around than #'too-feminine nephew starts dating a hairy & offensively masculine woman who seems like she should be a dyke but somehow isn't' #😮‍💨 #rambling

[i-drop-level-one-loot]

Where in the heck do you work were there's a shitting problem of that magnitude?

#retail #like #a regular ass retailer #i used to live in an area with a lot of junkies #so ive seen some shit #but never literal shit on the walls #ive seen it on the stall #like they got it on their hands and got it on the door trying to leave #but the wall?? #and that much?? #yeah there are more junkies here #but most of the customers are upper middle class #they drive cars worth more than my soul #i watched a young man do coke in the parking lot #but his vehicle was nicer than anything ive ever seen up close #humans just suck man #at least where i used to live i could understand #it's easy to have sympathy for people actively tweaking out #it isn't easy having sympathy for people dropping over a thousand dollars in one trip #saying “oh i thought it would be worse haha” #then shitting on the fucking wall

[caeslxys]

Poison Ivy #1 is out and it's fantastic and also looks like This

#the ART. drooling #poison ivy #and the HARLIVY SET UP #sorry to the people who think that the obvious and continual emphasis on Harley's importance to ivy's connection to humanity #and the trip back to her origins in consent lacks 'nuance' bc she *checks notes* #Isn't the superman of plant life #I for one am THRILLED. this was SO GOOD #harlivy #Oh this picture quality got all sorts of fucked up. anyway talk to me about my wife

[gxlden-angels]

I need Americans that were never Christian™️ to realize that the average conservative cult christian's thoughts are basically that one episode of Spongebob where he gets elected Hall Monitor and gives a speech with "Crime and Punishment. Punishment and Crime"

#christians see themselves as the hall monitors of the earth essentially #and everyone needs to be punished and have their good noodle stars taken else they'll commit arson #they genuinely believe that as soon as you stop policing people they'll delve into their deepest darkest fantasies and start committing sins #that even Jesus Christ himself didn't think of #they come from the idea that they are the only group capable of keeping things steady until Sky Papa can make his way down and fuck shit up #So when you do something bad it's because you fell into the pull of destruction #But when they do it's the equivalent of stepping on your dog's foot because they almost tripped you #I still think it's funny a bunch of christians are creationist tho lmao skill issue #My grandparents are but my dad isn't #he believes evolution essentially occurred over the same time the earth was being created #and the story of adam being made from dust was a metaphor and literal #he was made from dust made from decomposing animals and plants which he used to create us as a more perfect being #so now we continue to evolve because we're connected to the dust and can continue to try to improve #so my dad believes in evolution and went to college for biology and chemistry at the biggest HBCU in the US #That evolution/creationist tangent was completely unrelated but all twitter is for me rn is ppl freaking out about our rights being taken #I avoid twitter most of the time but like to look at my friends' and fav artists' tweets #and recently I think little joel made a video about the evolution video that was trending so yea #n e ways have a nice day y'all <3 #I've been wanting to make more hehe hahas but everything in my brain rn is Undergraduate Thesis level shit #so I haven't really been reading or writing things I can talk about on Tumblr.Com ya know? #most of it is sociological textbooks memoirs and similar stuff that Id feel talking about on my casual blog #maybe Ill make a blog. like Blog blog for my essays one day #ex christian #religious trauma

[moinsbienquekaworu]

Housemate is letting one of her rabbits walk around at night again :/

#girl he's cute but that means i gotta leave the lights on #i can guess she's not asleep because there's light in her room and her smart tv was still pinging my phone with the casting notif #but like. you can let your own pet rabbit wander around the house with your door closed! #he's your bunny! you didn't say anything about it! #not even talking about the risk for the lil guy because this is in spirit a student house #like i'm the only full time student but we're all at that student-ish age and living consequently #by which i mean there's lots of crap on the ground that doesn't get cleaned often #the bunny is not safe walking around. he isn't. also i keep almost tripping on him #and it stresses me the fuck out personally to have to keep the lights turned on all night across the house #just because jasper's out and rabbits don't have night vision and i don't want him to be alone in the dark #but also there are for real screws on the floor of the bathroom just hanging out #like. this is not a house that is safe for rabbits to roam free around. it just isn't #and she's filled the only shelf in the bathroom with more hygiene products than anyone else #and and and and. she's a shit housemate i won't miss her when i leave to go back home #man i can't wait for the day i am not sharing living space with her. i like my other housemates! #mostly because they pick up after themselves #and they're aware that when they make a mess they have to take care of it afterwards #she just kinda does stuff and then doesn't think about it #if she lived on her own i would not give a shit but it's impacting my day-to-day life as well! #ARGH #anyway #wow i have a ramble tag now #england adventures

[toastytrusty]

if u have any more romelukas headcanons to share I would love to hear them 👀 this ship is so underrated

oooooo okokok omg

to #me they started getting close before the gojo deal, with rome kinda seeking lukas out now and then when he needed to get away from Family Drama (tm), and lukas always let him because at least with roman around things are a little less boring. personality wise they keep each other in check really well, roman having a kind of delusional manic optimism towards the world and lukas having a much more nihilistic realistic worldview. they balance each other out yk. i think lukas probably had a thing for rome pretty early on but rome is so oblivious to both lukas' feelings and his own and also is on the aroace spectrum (ace panaroflux) and just. does Not pick up on Anyyything so they suffer the necessary queer situationship for like a year. rome is also probably very flippant and dismissive of lukas trying to connect, because he is just. so scared of attatchment and being genuine. but they'd do mundane shit like watch movies and play video games and go boating on that bigass lake. lukas would try to get rome to open up to him but he never would, not yet at least.

i think romes explosion on the mountain started a kind of a temporary fall out period; lukas realized rome was not like. in a good enough mental place or situation with his family to persue any real relationship so they both kinda back off but but it also makes lukas want the company even more bc he realizes how badly rome needs out of it.

after the gojo deal i think rome takes a lot of time away from the company and his family and everyone he knows in general, maybe for about a year, just kinda traveling the world and learning how to be a person without anyone else's influence, because he needs that. get a dog, eat some steak, yk. not talking to anyone, just off on his own. i think what would eventually draw him back is shiv's baby; it would probably take him a few months to actually see them, but once he did he would realize how badly he missed having people around him, and even though he didn’t regret his journey of self discovery, he knew he was done with it. after spending a few weeks with shiv and baby, he would find himself reaching back out to lukas, and eventually make his way to wherever tf lukas lives in sweden, and kinda just. never leaves.

i imagine roman would move in without ever really making it a thing? he would just show up one day and follow lukas around, and lukas would never really comment on it or ask where he was or why he suddenly wanted to stay. maybe he had a guest house or guest room waiting, hoping that rome would come back eventually. rome never reapplies for waystar or any of lukas' various assets, he is chronically unemployed and just. hangs out. they give each other something to do; hiking and late night campfires and general company through all things. it's like a petty unspoken challenge to see how long they can go without either of them acknowledging that there is anything past Pals going on. like gay chicken except they are actually gay. i see them as endgame in the way that they never really. Acknowledge? anything between them? they just kiss and hold hands and sleep in the same bed every night. but like, in a bro way. totally. don't think too hard about it. over time they come to understand each other better than anyone else and spend like all their time together.

i can totally see roman spontaneously proposing out of the blue one day, in the way he did with both tabitha and gerri, a kind of insecure need to be reassured that he isn't going to be abandoned, as well as having this kind of transactional perspective on relationships and being deserving of love. i feel like they could adopt a kid at some point, and compete to see who could be the better parent. roman would try sooooo hard to be a better dad than logan was and end up being really indulgent, and lukas would have to be the voice of reason. while roman would go for overcorrection to try and make up for his shitty childhood, i feel like lukas would be a lot more timid to be super involved, but would ease into it and do a really good job.

#rome turns to lukas one day and says “i think you're my best friend” #lukas says “oh we're friends are we? i thought you didn't have any friends” #rome tells him to fuck off #theyre my favorite boybestie boyfriend husbands #this isn't quite relevant but i love the idea that lukas owns a shit ton of land in the middle of the mountains in sweden #and he's a nerdy tech guru who goes on long hikes and is really in touch with nature #anyways #romkas camping trip when #succession #lukas matsson #roman roy #succession hbo #hbo succession #romelukas

[dredshirtroberts]

i have acquired a mystical and powerful ointment (hydrocortisone cream) from the village herbalist (rite aid) to assist with the curse set upon my bloodline from many generations ago (eczema)

#feel free to reblog #ironically this is the one thing i know the least about and it's the one i've known about for sure for the longest #never seen a doctor for it (everything online says you probably should) because my parents never took me #they told me that's what it was because that's what my dad had and it looked close enough #they also said i'd grow out of it like my dad did (just as he was growing back into it hmmmmm) #so i'm not like shocked that this is cropped up again i'm mostly like. annoyed? and sad. #i'm annoyed because like - they treated it so casually it was a non issue #get some anti-itch cream moisturize etc #and be quiet about it until it goes away #so it came back every now and then and i stopped telling them i was getting flare ups i'd just get into dad's cortizone and put some on #until it went away #there was never like a plan or a regimine in place for how to deal with it #dad's whole routine was preventative (lots and lots of baby oil) with the steroid cream you pick up at the pharmacy if there was a flare #and i didn't even know when he'd get a flare because it never got brought up - so i didn't know to look for patterns or anything #and now it's hitting me and has been for probably longer than i realized and i'm just like #*how do i take care of this???* *why is it not going away???* #and like yes i absolutely should also still see a doctor about it just to like. Fucking get shit in my records #jesus christ the realization that eczema isn't even probably in my medical records fucking hell #IT'S IMPORTANT BECAUSE IT'S AN IMMUNE RESPONSE AND DOCTORS PROBABLY NEED TO KNOW I'VE GOT A FUCKY IMMUNE SYSTEM IF THAT'S A THING #LIKE CHRIST IN HEAVEN MOM AND DAD A TRIP TO THE DOCTOR IS LIKE NORMAL FOR SMALL CHILDREN #FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY DID I NEVER SEE A DOCTOR AS A CHILD FUCKING MARY MOTHER OF GOD MA WHAT THE FUCK