#it & i still have to fucking shower

[deelovesbooks]

ko-fi

#burrow's end #burrow's end spoilers #d20 #dimension 20 #lmao this came to me while in the shower #and is honestly a fairly accurate representation of my expression after that first episode #like 'what do you meeeaaannn the show with the ominous title isnt just gonna be a heartfelt stoat season' #lmao when we first learned of the season and some people were all 'well is d&d 5e really the right system for this? #theyre cute animals theyre probably not even gonna be battles there are better systems suited for just cozy animal ttrpg' #how are u feeling after that fucking bear in ep 2 eh? 😂 #have trust and faith in Aabria #theres still 8 fucking episodes to go this is gonna be crazy #i am prepared for the emotional turmoil it will cause in me #my textposts

[shower-phantom-ideas]

Danny saving Villians because he doesn’t want them as ghosts in his realm.

“I aint letting you bring that into my house nuh uh”

#thats it tumblr post it #danny phantom #idk what au this could be fore #I just put an e in for might be time to exit the shower #as ghost king it would cause so much of a headache to deal with them #like hes got to rehabilitate them probably and thats so much work #plus the paper work that comes with people who have killed a lot. #yes this is ghost king #r we not all on the ghost king train? #danny saves like idk some sort of villian and is like ‘’get yo shit together before you die’’ #what the fuck else do you do when the king of all the dead saves your life and tells you to clean up your act or else it’s a time out #who knows what a ghosts timeout is #people be like ‘’welp death said I gotta do better before I die so I better’’ #idk im so tired at this point but still have three hours to go #pogo lol #boingt boingy boingy #goodnight everybody hahahaha

[vaguely-concerned]

after some reflection I've reached the conclusion that to my mind nona the ninth did need to be its own book -- not in terms of delivering the plot or character developments, necessarily, but to be a thematic mirror to harrow the ninth in a way I don't think you could have done if this was also trying to do its job as the last book of a trilogy.

harrow the ninth is about the horror of nothing changing -- the grim, unending slog of mental illness, the inexorable method in madness grinding along, grinding you down, moment upon moment; it's about how grief can seem to create its own pockets of eternity. it's about how some things can only be remembered in forgetting.

nona the ninth is about the horror of everything changing all the time forever -- the people you love, until they aren't quite the people you loved any more, the places you love, until it's become somewhere you can never go back to, the world, every day -- you, until you die one way or another, in truth or in no longer recognizing yourself. you go to school for the hour of science and noodle every day, until one day you just don't anymore, and nothing can be done about that. nona is about 'life is too short, and love is too long', but also 'you can't take 'loved' away'. pyrrha, who's tried for ten thousand years to kill her feelings but "Don't worry, kiddie. I'll keep loving you -- my problem is I don't know how to stop." even when it just hurts us, we love. we just can't help ourselves. and at the end alecto remembers herself (itself?), which means forgetting nona.

the strange paradoxical comfort of madness vs. the unbearable loneliness of sanity. harrow is mad, and for all her suffering it keeps her from having to face the most inconceivable, the thing she can't live with: a universe without gideon. cam and pal are so so sane, and they can't bear it. they die to live in a way they can... uh, well, live with, and it's a crazy thing to do but it's the kindest thing they could find for themselves. the world of harrow the ninth is so dead and deadened, and the world of nona is so unbearably alive.

(ironically ntn was a much more difficult read for me than htn, because the way htn works is already so close to how my own mind works (yes, unfortunately, really. no, I'm not okay, but not in a way anyone can do anything about with any immediacy so let's ignore that for now lol). I understand the logic of it intimately, for all it looks confusing if you just see the surface. but the ongoing nature of the restless dread in ntn -- the way you love these people, and through the book they keep drifting away from you so steadily and gradually that you can't even put your finger on exactly when you really lost them as they were at the beginning. at the end, when pyrrha is carrying nona because she can't stand anymore (carrying her in 'the halo of her arms'...... god. yes, that is what a parent feels like for a child huh), I vicariously felt what I suspect is pyrrha's train of thought as well that like... what if you could just hold her close enough, love her hard enough, that she won't have to go, that she could get to live. what if you could just refuse to let go of her, what if you could be strong enough for that. and one person in this universe is that strong-- why would you let someone go -- away from you -- untouchable? John's obsession with being able to touch his loved ones, except he's so profoundly fucked up he doesn't understand any way to do it but to make them into extensions of himself, to consume them and transform them into himself, the very hungry caterpillar style -- he wanted to touch so he made them his hands, and he doesn't understand why it doesn't fulfil him. and thank god pyrrha has the soul and sense to understand why you can't just eat what you love, narrowly, but I still wanted her to be able to still hold nona and protect her from everything including death so fucking bad, and of course she can't. that's the tragedy of it, that's the beauty of it. love doesn't change anything, and we just can't help but love anyway, and it changes everything, and it's all we can do sometimes. fuck I'm going to need a lot of lying face down on the floor for a few hours to process this book huh lmao)

#nona the ninth #nona the ninth spoilers #ntn spoilers #the locked tomb spoilers #nona spoilers #the locked tomb #harrow the ninth #tl;dr: nona the ninth fucked me up okay don't look at me lol #harrow the ninth is still my favourite of the series because that book recognized me in a way few other things have #but muir is Doing Some Shit in ntn holy fuck #the locked tomb meta #I'm. I'm going to go have a shower to calm down probably I think haha

[mystical-one]

WARNING IM GOING TO BE HONEST AND EARNEST HERE. i really unironically unconditionally liked now and then

#like honestly i listened to it 2794288 times in the shower and came to the disgraceful revelation that like. oh my god it is a fucking beatl #es song and theyre 81 and 83 and 37 and 52 and theyre still ON the same song and fuck shit yes i get the solo is NOT georges and it makes me #a little upset but its still done in his memory and his style andthis is PAUL we are talking about and of course he is going to run away #with a project like this and going to do the solo but EVEN then he made the solo with george in mind and tried to emulate his style whether #it was an accurate representation or not they still care so fucking much. theyre the FUCKING beatles releasing music TODAY what the fuck #i will definitely feel different about this tomorrow morning but ive listened to this thing through on repeat since it released and buddy. #who care. like SO fucking much everyone care but WHO CARE!!!!!!!!! OLD MAN BEATLES YAOI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TODAY IN 2023!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #sorry does this make sense. like im a george defender until i die but i could heard his guitars enough to be moderately pacified and #honestly im too tired and excited and emotionally drained to care anymore. tjey tried so so hard to do something and they DID it #i have a much MUCH more nuanced opinion that i could go into. but i dont want to rn🙏🏻 #emi's meandering jotts

[kuroananosanji]

Why is Sanji the only male Strawhat who doesn’t age 😟 Bro why does Zoro have wrinkles at age 40. Someone give that man an SPF 50 PA+++++ sunscreen 😟 Bro aged poorer than the French guy with 0 melanin.

#gang who showered daily and have a skincare routine aged the slowest?? what a concept 😱😱 #40!Luffy is hot ngl but ZORO??? He should fucking watch it #he’s still hot disclaimer disclaimer I love dilf zoro I just want him to take a trip to innis free or something #roronoa zoro #black leg sanji #vinsmoke sanji #one piece

[marclef]

surgery update time fellas, i finally got my drains taken out and my binders/gauze stuff and

holy fucking shit

MY CHEST MAY BE SCARRED TO HELL AND SORE AND HEALING BUT OH MY GOD IT'S SO DIFFERENT SEEING IT THIS FLAT

I SPENT HALF THE DAMN CHECKUP JUST STARING AT MYSELF THINKING HOW WEIRD IT FELT

i still have to wear at least one binder for a bit for healing but, getting the bigger one off was such a damn relief though, legitimately felt so nice not being squeezed like that any more

thanks to everyone who's had such nice things to say too, i love y'all very much and it means so much to me 🥺❤❤❤❤❤

#hello another long rambling post but AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH I'M FREE I CAN TAKE A GODDAMN SHOWER AFTER A WEEK #I CAN SLEEP IN MY BED TONIGHT!!!! MY BED!!!!!!!! I DON'T HAVE TO SLEEP IN THE GODDAMN RECLINER ANY MORE #I'M SO MUCH MORE FREE NOW AND IT FEELS SO FUCKING GOOD EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THERE'S A LOT MORE STILL COMING #my chest is also like. weird and numb. i mean it's probably gonna be like that 'til the scars heal more but. oouuuooghhhhgh it's different #my gay trans ass staring at my scarred marker-covered bruised chest though like 👁👁

[mistycmice]

A sudden thought that came to me

#crk #cookie run kingdom #white pearl cookie #crimson coral cookie #crk spoilers #ok hear me out #white pearl didn't want lord oyster to drown so that's why she begged crimson to stop but also #he went overboard before and she legit saved him from drowning/soggyness #just do That here in the first place. bam abalone stops being a problem early and lord oyster doesn't die #'but what about oyster's family on the ship-' man fuck his family they already died later anyway #i bet if this happened white pearl coulda given him the pearl without the threat of abalone manipulating him into selling it away #or cutting off house oyster from their business partners bcuz you KNOW it was him that did that #white pearl would still have to contend with her lack of powers but now she can without the lack of Chaos and Trauma that turned her to bp #idk this just popped into my head in the shower #i do wonder what this would mean for sea fairy but i didnt think that far

[syn4k]

something something an artist becoming more and more disheveled and unkempt as their creation gets closer and closer to finally being done. thats a sacred thing i think. thats holy. thats a category of devotion

#ray's tag #finally finished filling in the final stripe at 9pm exactly #i've been wearing this shirt for the past two days. these pajama shorts have been in rotation for the past week #i havent taken a shower recently my hair is oily as fuck and unkempt and my nail polish is starting to crack #im adding a small detail to the back of the jacket and i have never felt better for some reason #we r so close and it's only 9:30 i can get a shower and do my laundry and still be up to toast the new year at 12am!!!!

[sparkly-skies]

@reserved-fruit thank you for the link to this video with Kris' heart ring (goes perfectly with Keep Me Grounded, Keep Me Calm, just saying 👀 do you like friends (Bojan and Kris) comforting each other and jokingly proposing while still being deeply serious about how important their friendship is? Go read this!).

Here's some screenshots to look at with me, why? Because I'm a touchstarved bitch and scream and cry at any sighting of physical affection. Thank you Bojan for providing enrichment in my enclosure.

Also this one. Because I see a mention of friends spending time together because they love each other and love spending time together, I scream and screech in missing my friends noises.

#i'm half convinced alistair has saved me on discord as touchstarved fuck or something #anyway. do these fuckers know how LUCKY they are to have their friends this close at any given time? #I spent 2 1/2 weeks at my parents' during christmas and I saw friends I think... three maybe four times #plus a visit at a friend's place across the border for two days #which i was very happy about! i was really happy about the times i did see friends! #but it also sucks that everyone's so busy with their own lives and responsibilites and whatnot that it's this hard to see friends now #plus that one friend who just doesn't answer anyone anymore. just TELL US if you don't want to see us anymore #that's okay. it would still hurt but sometimes a friendship has come to its end and that's okay even if it hurts. but don't just #ghost your entire friend group while still sending snaps and then not answering if we answer there #okay that turned into a rant #because like bojan in the shower with kris i am incapable of shutting the fuck up in the tags #go read that fic! #mine #joker out

[hella1975]

there's a very specific kind of vibe that comes with living with your friends in final year that it just does not have in first year or even second year. like as a fresher it's usually the first time any of you have lived away from home let alone with SO MANY people your age and it's terrifying and exciting and randomised to boot so it's generally carnage for a whole year in the best and worst ways, and then second year you pick who you're living with and it feels like for the first time you're doing this adult thing PROPERLY. you have a place of your own now. these are the people you've chosen to live with. studying gets serious etc. but it's still fresh. it's still new. you still don't know how to navigate it. but final year? final year is when you actually get it right. you know how to manage your time better. you know what works for you and what doesn't. studying is the main focus and you've been out in the world for three years now and it's not loud and boisterous like it was in first year and you're not exciteable and awkward like you were in second year. you're comfortable. every single one of my flatmates has their own friend group and we mainly keep to our own social circles, but we'll still meet each other back at the house after a night out and sit in the kitchen or my room to do the debrief. sometimes i'll go days not seeing either of them despite sharing a house but every now and then someone will softly call up the stairs that 'the heating's on!' or one of us will sneeze and the other two will yell 'bless you!' through the walls. the lack of interaction isn't interpreted as dislike in ways it would have been even last year, because we're all just old enough to be past that now and settled enough in our friendship not to worry about it. idk. uni is very loud and unsettling a lot of the time so it's been really sweet to see how almost boringly comfortable final year is.

#like my day today was literally drag myself out of bed at 10am to meet my econ friends bc we're in a group together #and i spent two hours with them writing a fucking TRADE REPORT before coming home #and the rest of the day was kinda lost. i showered. i put a wash on. i had a nap. i mainly stayed in my room #which sometimes is the End Of All Things but today was quite nice #and i can hear in their rooms how my flatmates are doing the exact same thing. pottering about and getting on with uni #and we've barely spoken all day but earlier my one flatmate ran into my room all excited to show me her nails #bc she's been teaching herself to do gels and it took her 2 hours but im still one of the first people she wanted to show #and just now we all went to use the bathroom at the same time and it led to one of our Stair Sessions #where we all inexplicably just gather on the stairs and chat for no reason with a cup of tea #idk it's just nice. it's such basic shit but i can't belive in first year i used to spend EVERY DAY with these girls #and we were one single friendship group and that was all we had #and then in second year one girl branched off bc she lived in a studio and got into her societies #but me and the other girl lived together again and it was the same thing of she was a friend before she was someone i lived with #and weirdly that can actually be detrimental to a dynamic. but this year we're all just very solidified and confident in ourselves #and where we stand and yes we all have our own friendship groups outside of the house now #but there's still that love and simple comfortableness around each other that you only get with time and a hell of a lot of proximity #and a sense of being settled that maybe is just what happens as you get older #idk it's just really nice. if i had this exact same day in first year (doing economics and barely leaving my room) #it would've been a really bad depressive day for me so the fact i can find such contentment from it now is really heartening #i love my little life here im very proud of what ive been able to achieve :) #hella goes to uni #feeling nostalgic because SOME BITCH decided to ribs post

[carryonmylovelies]

sometimes a sweet holiday short story will straight up murder you and kill you. for fun.

#the way that i just COMPLETELY broke down and fell apart and disintegrated into a fucking puddle of misery when i read that..... #PEOPLE HE GAVE HIM HER KISS #HE DID IT #WE'VE LITERALLY COME FULL CIRCLE FROM CARRY ON . IM GONNA START SOBBING I CANT DO THIS AGAIN TODAY QKWNSKSNSJ #IT ONLY TOOK 7 YEARS #IM GONNA GO LAY DOWN IN A GRAVE #its like a fundamental part of myself has been missing for years and years and years and now its finally in its place #i was 13 when i read that scene for the first time 😭😭😭😭😭 now im almost 20 and im STILL THIS FUCKED UP ABT SIMON AND BAZ #the snowbaz brainrot is eternal #that shit will not only stay with you but you will GROW UP ON IT #i have to go stare blankly at a wall for awhile goodbye #simon snow #baz pitch #snowbaz #snow for christmas spoilers #scattered showers spoilers #the snow for christmas sickness

[sailor-aviator]

Just spent the past hour and a half redoing the same five rows on this project because I kept FUCKING THEM UP

#Liz’s personal tag #I still have to shower FUCK #send help

[shower-phantom-ideas]

Like always cold? Maybe his ghost half is keeping his human half too cold. Like a deep cold he can’t ever get warmed from? His body is working double time to try and keep him warm so he eats a lot more to keep up with the energy burned.

Or never cold. His ghost half now makes him immune to the cold and he just can’t feel it? Shorts in the snow with a tanktop kinda guy. His ghost core is keeping his body temp down but also his ghost powers have combined with his every cell to change him on a molecular level. He could feel the cold if he had control over this power but I doubt he will ever figure that out. Just a “oh I don’t feel cold anymore. Neat” kinda vibe and never try to actually correct it. I like to think his skin would still turn blue if exposed to extreme cold but thats just me

#danny phantom #I have the flu please kill me #it has been a fucking week for me #monday I fell down a flight of stairs #Wednesday I slipped in the shower and twisted my ankle #then christmas eve I get the fucking flu #still was forced to cook half the food btw #I was going to be sleeping now but my nose is trying to give bolt a run for his money #I bet it’s going faster than danny can fly #miss you guys #I do read all comments and tags and I love yall so much

[protosstar]

.

#tw suicide #tw overdose #tw suicide attempt #a close friend of mine overdosed for the 4th time in as many weeks last night and i just dont know what to feel anymore #she was sent home from the emergencies the 1st time and was staying with me for the 2nd which i still feel guilty about #how i was an idiot for not hiding any meds while i was in the shower #spent the full day at the hospital with her to make sure she was taken into inpatient care and not just dismissed #then yesterday morning shes released from the hospital and winds up in the same place that dismissed her the 1st time in the evening #and now isnt replying to any of my messages #and im just oscillating between feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety and nothing at all #and then feeling guilty when i feel nothing #or guilty that im angry at her because she purposefully did and said thing to hurt me #but shes hurting and i need and want to give her some slack but i just felt that attachment i had to her fade after the last thing she did #and i cant even bring it up with her bc last time i did she spiralled and didnt talk to me for a week #which is fucking worrying when shes so unstable #but ive not been eating or sleeping and just feel awful and anxious #at least now i have xanax for the panic attacks and dont have to rely on alcohol anymore but god #i just want things to get better #vent #delete later

[worldssilliestserpent]

All the recent upsetting anon posts have been tagged as "hate anon" that's egg on my face for not tagging them I just didn't want those posts to be searched on my account easily dfkjgkd I didn't think to tag em, my bad y'all

#I'm so fucking tired #I JUST got done with work and I still had to work overtime with resetting equipment for tomorrow's job #I only have enough time to shower. eat and then sleep. I gotta be up at 4 ughhh

[expressionless-fr]

eatinf expired mayonnaise

#oh no am I suicidal again #god I haven't showered. but if ai go i cut if i dont i still have blood on my ass help #i stink >:( #depressikn thinks he's barbatos fucking me in the ass noncon style #doggy style perhaps #oulh #vent