#it would be really really weird if trans people didnt exist did you know that? all the kinds too like nb genderfluid agender genderq demi

[euniexenoblade]

since we're talking about call outs lately, i've been called out many times, most of which are made from lies and sometimes by altering screenshots, but the most effective call out i ever got was like, in early 2015 there was a tumblr user everyone knew was a terf, but she would say "actually i support trans women" this was before crypto terfs were as talked about so the language wasn't really there to say "hey this person is a crypto terf." but yeah some people put posts of this woman on my dash and i made a random post on my blog "why do yall reblog her shes a terf" and of course she searches her own name daily, found my post, and replied to it that me calling her a terf was racist. that was it. no other interaction. but she went on all night talking about me being racist and just making things up as she went "oh i bet she says the n word all the time irl" kind of shit that had, like no basis? But her follower base took it 100% and i literally had thousands of anons telling me to kill myself, trying to goad me into being racist (didnt work), and the most concerning thing was i got hundreds of anons being like "what was the point of doing hrt if you still look like that, you should kill yourself." It was like, violent and overwhelming. and on top of it I'd get random young teenager trans people who followed her and bought into her bioessentialism showing up in my messages being like "you give trans people a bad name" "you're why transphobia exists" etc etc it was fucking crazy.

but i lost like, no followers because everyone around me understood, this woman was a terf. this all set up the real one though.

later in the year a teenage "communist" trans girl made some snarky comment about me being racist on a post of mine blowing up. i ignored her cuz like, who cares it's just some random teenager. but i guess people were looking for a reason to hate me cuz that blew up, lots of people just took that at face value no need to investigate. when someone finally did send the girl an ask being like "hey how is she racist" she replied "I dont remember but I know she is" and even more people just took this as 100%. the thing is, i do remember her being one of those "you make trans people look bad" terf following young trans people, it's not that she didn't remember, it's that she didnt want to admit she followed a terf and she believed a terf just saying shit. I lost like 3/4s of my followers, i had a lot of people i thought were my friends just stop talking to me, and going forward every time i got a call out there would usually be a line of like "also she's racist, everyone already knows this" all cuz this girl needed to make a snarky comment cuz she just loves terfs.

the thing about the "i dont remember" bit is it made some weird game of telephone. "I dont remember" became "oh she's racist, i think she says the n word" which became "she called black bloggers the n word" like people just made shit up about me and connected it to this call out. and when id be like this isnt true id be met with a "this is just known, youre a known racist" and it's like, to this day i will still find people be like "hey good on you for growing as a person and not doing that any more" and its like I NEVER DID IT TO BEGIN WITH

#ranting

[vermwerm]

very normal queenkaard headcanons 2/2

Subservient: prepared to obey others unquestioningly Less important; subordinate He has suspicious knowledge of chemicals He likes cats, and cats like him He strictly calls those off brand spiders (aka daddy long legs) “harvestmen” and refuses to use their more commonly known nameHe likes the number 34 for no particular reason He writes 7s like i do, weirdly He gives very “stick to the question” answers, a lot of people have constantly given him the “i dont care” when he adds extra information about a topic after answering someones question. He would smell vanilla extract and chug it The first few times Queen complimented him, Rou took it as a joke and awkwardly laughed it off bcuz he genuinely believed (technically believes) he didnt deserve such a thing from someone so superior to him If he had sugar tolerance he would love apple pie with vanilla ice cream He constantly has nightmares about when he almost entirely turned to stone He likes to ice skate, and he wears very specific figure skate shoes or whatever Rou, to try and desperately find purpose, makes it so that he can just be used and discarded at Darkners/Lightners leisure, Que tries to get him out of this habit, but occasionally(read: a lot of the time) he slips back into this habit of just being this useless object thats only there for a minimal amount of things He loves candles, his favorite scents are pumpkin and linen Hes very bad at typing, bcuz he has long nails Oh right i forgot to add on this list, that he has long nails, theyre naturally black :) He can wink but in the unsettling way He hates the words failure and mistake, theyve been used so often to refer to him he hates the way it comes out of peoples mouth He ironically likes the word error, not when referring to him but he likes the way its said and spelled Ok but what if he purred?? Is that too cringe? Well too bad i already have too many headcanons He uses mint flavored toothpaste cuz hes boring Im gonna slap a “you tried” star sticker on his big ass fucking forehead Rou would either have a very flowy silk gown or steal queens clothes to go to bed, no inbetweens Why do i imagine this senario where swatch gets all up in rous face but bcuz king is a fucking dickhead he has a flight or fight response and punches swatch He is very starved for positive affection… so when Que complimented him for the first time he put it off and saw it as a joke yes, but he started wanting to hang out with her more because of said compliments (also he had the biggest crush on her, like he still has the feelings too, but theyre just dating now yippee!!) Yeah he has mommy issues He immediately got tired of the “trans-parent” joke, in general he just doesnt like puns (skill issue) He always gets really happy when Queen compliments him He had this short period of time dating Queen where he would kind of just exist as a yesman to everything Him and lancer both would like the rainbow slug (if you know you know) He can draw, if you peaked in his sketchbook itd be entirely bugs and a lot of Queens He loves iridescent fabric and when he finally decides to sew he likes using the fabric he has to make outfits that fit the iridescent clothing he already has (i hate this wording what the fuck) He kind of likes, sea salt and vinegar, chips He hates the fat on meat and has to spit it out or else he will lose his appetite He sometimes just soaks in a bathtub for too long, i also imagine his weird slime skin is sponge like. Ok maybe ill remove the sponge aspect that was a joke brought on by the question of if he could mold Child rou gives “mom i frew up” vibes His voice claim is the vocaloid voicebank Kevin, a good song is UNCANNY by GHOST/Ghost and Pals :) He probably calls spoiled milk “vintage milk” Rou probably did that bobbin lacing thing, but he dropped that hobby in his 20s

Que

Queen is very warm at all times,very huggable She can cook and is very good at it She loves mistranslated shirts, and has set out to get as many as she can I do maybe fully believe that she would half ironically half unironically call Rouxls “babygirl” Queen has. Good posture Yeah she does his makeup She gives Rou, forehead kisses, or just in general a lot of positive affection She makes the best food, ever She paints Rous nails sometimes She very much constantly compliments Rou My biggest flex is unintentionally predicting AI art /hj; i think that Que cant properly create art and can only really copy or take parts of other peoples art and mash it into one, she can also perfectly replicate art. She draws like a printer too She very easily gets tricked by optical illusions I feel like she would say “holy fuck, holy fucking fuck, that body of yours is absurd” to Rou at least twice

#queen deltarune #rouxls kaard #deltarune #deltarune headcanons #aueue #queenkaard

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 165

Blood Brother/Let’s Kill Hitler

“Blood Brother”

Plot Description: After Dean’s vampire companion in Purgatory, Benny, gets brutally beat up by his own kind, he calls Dean for help in going after his maker

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: No. I don’t think I’d put up much of a fight if several vampires wanted to attack me. And not in the fun way. In the “guess I’ll die” way

You know…Benny is probably also A reason Dean let the girl go last episode

Holy shit…Benny did kill them all. FUCK. Also him calling Dean while heavily injured and Dean dropping the “Winchester Holy Grail Close the Gates of Hell Forever” quest (in Sam’s near exact words) to go to himmmmmm. Look, Destiel is real to me and canon to Spanish speakers, but this isn’t NOTHING between them

Step one: find Kevin Tran. Step two: ___________. Step three: Prophet.

Oof. You know…I was gonna be on Sam’s side because WHO could Dean know who needs his help that Sam doesn’t also know (WE know who), but then Dean came back with him having taken a year off of the job and Dean’s only taking a day

Dean, maybe don’t have these flashbacks WHILE YOU ARE DRIVING

The differences between Dean’s year and Sam’s is so stark

Now they’re just making up pointless stuff for Sam to do while Dean’s hunting

Vampire pirates. Vampirates. It is the third thing you say, sorry Benny (I’ve been waiting for that line)

Benny’s tragic backstory would be cool to actually watch. It’s beautiful and romantic and it ends so bloody

OMG HIS CREATOR DIDNT KILL THE WOKAN HE LOVED. HE TURNED HER.

I like that she’s risen in the ranks but I don’t like how the writers made her get there

Oh…Sam and Amelia were just two

Eugh…I don’t like how weirdly young the progenitor of this vampire nest looks. He’s not doing a good job of acting ancient…

When your ex-something kills your even older flame……..yeah, guess you do go through a bit of an existential crisis

Did Dean just commandeer that boat?

Mmmm, yeah. I’m not surprised Sam’s not happy with this turn of events once he found Dean.

“Let’s Kill Hitler”

Plot Description: the search for Melody Po sees the TARDIS crash land in 1930s Berlin

You know, upon rewatch, it’s rather obvious Mels is Melody/River from her introduction

Mels and Rory not super liking each other is so funny to me. They’re just kind of meh about each other’s existence

Oh right. The shapeshifting robots piloted by miniaturized people. I forgot about them

Interesting. I really would have thought that they’d have the Doctor listed as the war criminal not River.

Ok…she was trained to kill the Doctor. But she couldn’t have been doing that for long, and then she grows up with Amy and Rory, and then……..she regenerates into River and she goes right back to wanting to kill the Doctor?? It just seems a bit weird

Having two forms of techno-Amy repeatedly telling you you’re dying must be a fucking trip

There’s just a lot of stalling and pleading in this episode. It’s a good one but…it’s just like…there’s one thing that happens at the beginning and then the end

The Doctor gifts her the journalllllllll

#hellsite nostalgia tour 2023

[7fckingidiots]

Would you be alright with writing some HCs about the brothers and a MC who's a trans guy? Sorry if it's a tall order or too vague, they're a big comfort for me and I'd like to see what ideas you have bcs your headcanons are fantastic ;w;

HELL YEAH DUDE!!!! IM ALSO TRANS!!! AH!!!!! demigirl rights :3 but i also find a huge comfort in the boys and i hc all of them as trans because no one can Stop Me •• but i really hope you enjoy these and remember you’re valid and i care u so much! Also i hope you don’t mind but i kinda made it gender neutral so every trans folk could enjoy!

The Brothers With A Trans MC

Lucifer

He didn’t know until you came out to him honestly. He knew all his other siblings were trans but with all the work Diavolo gave him and adding new students from different realms on top of that he hadn’t really had time to notice any minor changes in you.

He feels guilty about this and immediately makes sure(like everyone else)to ask for your pronouns, name, and how you would like to present yourself from now on.

Fixes your ID cards and your papers with Diavolo right after dinner

God. He’s such a dad and he gets you things that have your new name on them. You wake up to see you have a new pencil case with your name embroidered on it with matching pencils. God.....he’s so weird i love him so much

Asmo does most of your clothing shopping but for formal wear he takes you shopping! He’s not about to buy you some cheap tux or gown ok it’s gonna be over 2000 grim and he’s gonna get you three of them STOP HIM

He’s not the best with verbal affection so he writes down notes that are like “you looked very handsome/pretty today.” or when he first starts writing them they’re like “you’re a boy/girl/kid. i’m proud of you.” Thank u mr morningstar

You want surgery or to start hormones??? He will stop all his work with Diavolo and spend forever looking up things for you, he wants you to be as safe as possible(pls he almost fainted after he realized you’d have to give yourself a shot like everyday dhdhdhjdhd hc that demons/angels don’t have to do hormone therapy i’m so JEALOUS)

Practices saying your pronouns in his study when you first come out. He just wants to make sure you feel as safe as possible in his care(and he remembers how terrible it felt to be misgendered)

Guess what....he loves you no matter what :)

Mammon

You’re blind as hell if you couldn’t see his top scars but I respect it

King DOES slip up on your pronoun change but always immediately corrects himself. Satan has a spray bottle that he sprays Mammon with when he does it. Mammon is NOT amused but the same can’t be said for Belphie.

Gender affirming activities??? Oh yeah like robbing a bank?? That’s pretty gender neutral and trans right?? Yeah!!! Wow such a good supportive brother.

If you want you can wear the formal wear Lucifer bought you to the said bank heist. Boom trans rights

You can practice painting his nails or doing his makeup if you’re too nervous to do it on yourself first!! Dw if it’s bad he also can’t do makeup or paint nails so once you let him return the favor you’re both laughing and Asmo is distraught.

KING at dying hair he will get you whatever you need and if you want an entire different hair cut entirely he’s ON it

Very used to being Loud and Brash but if you need someone to talk to about anything really he always calms down and sits down to listen to whatever you have to say.

Lots of gendered gifts from him. This said for men??? Oh ok adds to cart. Oh pink??? For ladies??? yeah that can go in there too

You’re never gonna believe this.....But he loves you and supports you :)

Levi

He was the first one to come out to you at the house!! He was just so excited! Same hat!!!

Gets literally any video game where you can design the protag/have custom pronouns and will play games like that with you for hours

Would you like a pride flag.....for u.....He has too many.....Please take the trans flag please he has no room....he bought in bulk for a pride event and didn’t consider the consequences of his actions

Miku binder but irl. He will get if for you but unironically.....thanks King. He just likes binders with patterns and i respect IT

Dysphoria?? He gives you his hoodie bc that was his trademark dysphoria hoodie and i GUESS for you he can share............he would give u anything just ask nicely he’s sensitive

Reads any character that matches up with your gender and is like!!!!! That’s you!!!! OMG!!!! You in da IRL

Goes back and edits his tweets if they use your old name or pronouns(also has he/they in his bio. this is for nothing just makes me :D)

If you haven’t chosen your name he’s gonna suggest so many fictional characters. POV levi kin assigns you.

You listen to music together that just has Trans Vibes.....maybe u cry together but there’s no judgment!! It’s just nice :)

God it’s wild but! He loves u and thinks ur great :)

Satan

Enby Satan. That’s all :)

He’s very quite about it, he supports you! He’s just not loud like his brothers

He brings you book about gender studies and LGBTQ history that he thinks would interest you(there some of his favorite books and they’ve made him feel the most comfortable in his gender)

Gives you a name list if you haven’t named yourself yet! He cares about you and wants to make sure you have the right name that suits you

He’s the one that tells you that it’s ok if you’re still figuring it all out, learning about yourself is a very tricky process and if anyone knows that it’s Satan

Any of the brothers would kill anyone who misgendered you but with Satan that shit is ON SIGHT

Asks you how you know and what were the signs that gave it away to you, but only if you’re comfortable telling him!! He just finds everyone’s experience interesting and would like to know yours as well.

Spells for fucking DAYS Satan personally kills body dysphoria the best he can(mainly bc he’s HIGHKEY afraid of you getting surgery he hates knives so much)

Makes your comfort food for you when you’re feeling down about yourself and will read whatever you want to hear outloud to you.

!!!!!! GET THIS !!!!!! He loves YOU :0

Asmo

Fucking excited!!!! This means you two are going to buy so much clothing together and he gets to style you let’s GO

Buys you whatever you want but he will make you try it all on so be CAREFUL what u wish for.....ur gonna be there till the store closes yeah......

Paints your nails with the trans pride flag!! Also does your makeup and gives you tips on how to look more masculine or fem!!

VOICE LESSONS

He will help you lower or raise the pitch of your voice if it KILLS him. It eventually becomes like a mini class after school

Helps with internalized transphobia! Hes dealt with his fair share and knows how awful it can be and he will NOT being having you experience that as well we r practicing Self Care now

Picks apart any one who misgenders you until they’re crying he has NO fucking time for that behavior in this HOUSE

Sometimes self care is eating whatever you want and sitting in the dysphoria hoodies while watching chick flicks with Asmo

He likes dressing you up but he’s always sure to set boundaries so he never puts you into something that makes you feel uncomfortable

ALSO edits his posts and takes down anything that makes you uncomfortable!!

He loves you so much!!!!

Beel

another one to hand you The Dysphoria Hoodie and it’s very large and comfy!

he’ll help you make out a work out routine that will help you get the body you want and it makes him really happy to work out with you :)

he’s gonna hold your hand if you have to take shots and will give you puppy eyes if you don’t let him. He’s just worried!!!! He wants to help

stands behind you whenever you’re nervous about coming out to someone, he will NOT have someone making you feel bad or misgendering you

he’ll see food with trans pride colors and gives it too you, probably doesn’t even know what it is half the time but it made him think of you so he makes sure to get it for you

he doesn’t trip up on any of your new pronouns or name and makes it seem like he never even knew them. dead name???? what’s that??? a type of sauce?????

will let you vent to him whenever needed and will always make you a sundae after you’ve finished. it’s comically huge but it’s tasty and does make you feel a lot better, thanks beel

makes sure you remember to take off your binder if you’ve been wearing it for more than eight hours! and if you’ve been wearing heels to feel more fem he reminds you to take those off too and has a pair of slippers for you in his room that you can wear instead

hey! get this! He loves you so, so much :D

Belphie

you’re trans? ok kid join the club. he doesn’t make a big deal at all

are you still gonna cuddle with him and join him in his quest to make lucifer’s life difficult? yeah? ok then cool what’s ur name 

if he hears someone misgender you he waits till you’ve left the room and just kills whoever did it, dude’s unhinged what did you expect from him honestly

he’s actually really curious about any hormone therapy you’re on and likes listening to you rant about it to him. he likes seeing your face light up and it partly reminds him of lilith

calls your hormones something stupid like “oh dude, your gamer girl juice arrived.” or “hey your little man potion is here.” ...thanks belphie

will NOT let you sleep in a binder or push up bra!!! not healthy!! let ur chest breath guys 

like mammon, he gets you gendered gifts but they’re so fucking weird? you didn’t need a girls version of a collectable hot wheels set???? he got you blue lightning mcqueen sheets?????? those EXIST here????!!!!! when does he even shop......

introduces you to new people like “this is our resident boy/girl/human. they don’t do much but i think they’re cool.”

he really does care about you but he remembers when he came out he just didnt want people to make a big deal about it so he’s just doing what would have made him feel the most comfortable, but you can still see how much love he has for you when you look into his eyes

he loves you, so, so much :)

#obey me shall we date #obey me #obey me swd #obey me luficer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me beel #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie #lucifer x reader #mammon x reader #leviathan x reader #satan x reader #asmo x reader #asmodeus x reader #beel x reader #beelzebub x reader #belphie x reader #belphegor x reader #obey me hc #obey me headcanons

[qwertyfingers]

Hi, I'm curious, could you elaborate on what things people in SPN fandom produce that you wouldn't have been able to filter out as a teen? I'm not really sure what you're referring to. Problematic porn? Bad takes? Wanky fan activity?

okay uh CSA, incest, and suicide trigger warnings for my answer here lol

first off i dont. really think you actually need me to explain this to you and the way this is worded really feels like either an attempt to minimise some truly atrocious shit or like, imply that i think highly of myself which is not true? i'm full of bad takes bro. i don’t care what people are posting as long as it’s not harmful. but there’s a few layers to the issues i was referring to yesterday

1) while it’s gotten a LOT better over the years, the defense of john’s parenting still happens fairly frequently, and as a kid who related extremely deeply to dean’s specific brand of Menhol Eelness that kind of defense of abuse would have really messed with my headspace! it’s messed up in and off itself to defend people who harm their kids - even unintentionally! - but the way that it specifically affects children who are still being abused is the worst of it. every kid with CPTSD who’s ever had to see someone defend behaviours they recognise from their own abusive family as done out of or as excusable because they had a good reason remembers that shit for the rest of their LIFE

there are echoes of what happened to me in dean, both in the abuse and trauma itself and the way it affects him in the aftermath. to see those things minimised by fans can be really re-traumatising for people. i’m very glad that my exposure to it comes at the end of several long stints in hospital and several years of intensive therapy. i don’t know that 18yo me who attempted suicide on a near weekly basis and hallucinated my abusive step father in my house all the time could have coped with takes like ‘its okay because john was drunk and alcoholism isn’t his fault’ or ‘john wasn’t abusiv he was just grieiving’ or ‘john didn’t abuse dean, everything he did was reasonable for their lifestyle’ without becoming deeply unwell. 

2) we also all already know how much deeply fucked up incest content gets made and shared in spn circles. like, okay,  have made peace with the existence of incest shipping. i blacklist that shit and i move on. most of it is avoidable and i can kind of forget about it if i’m being careful. but some of spn fandom is on another level. people write and draw some shit that is like, actively triggering on the ‘call my therapist and beg to be sectioned’ level. i had to renew my lorazepam prescription for the first time since lockdown started lmao.  one of the fandom darling artists literally posted graphic dean/jack porn on their blog next to their really popular castiel art like. i’m not kidding when i say that would have made me hurt myself when i was younger

3) there are a LOT of really weird interactions btwn minors and adults in this fandom and while thats noit something that the corner of tumblr/discord i move through has any real problems with, i still see shit go down in other circles / servers, and the things i saw on the  periphery when i was younger tell me it used to be wayyyyyyyyyyyy worse. adults actively encouraging like 13yos to read/write porn, children being pressured into incest content, 30yo+ people having intensely sexual interactions with minors like. 

as someone who is generally of the belief that ‘minors n adults shouldnt interact online’ is the dumbest shit i’ve ever heard, supernatural fandom does sometimes make me think im wrong and wish i could set everyone under the age of 18 in a safe enclosure away from some of the insane people that go here like. 

in general i think that teens having adult friends in fandom is good becuase it allows an avenue for discussing legitimate issues you have and they can be really helpful to help rpotect young people! I literally owe my adult fandom friends from my own childhood for giving me the lagnuage to talk about the abuse i faced and they were the first people who ever made me feel like i had a way out of my situation. without older online friends i might never have found out that the reason i had no interest in sex was because of trauma, or figured out that the reason reading fic about women or trans men upset me so much was because i was projecting my trauma onto them, and with cis mens bodies i didnt have that issue. i owe all of those things to adults who in the modern day might be chastised for being friends with me because i was young, but i needed them! 

all this is to say that i think the breadth of inappropriate adult/minor interactions over the years have led to an environment where a generation of 20-somethings are now terrified of interacting with teenagers (for fear of becoming the adults who traumatised them), and a generation of teenagers who are largely terrified of talking to adults (for fear of being traumatised) and miss out on guiding hands that some of them really need. if the adults in your physical life harm you, and you cannot turn  to adults on the internet, what do you do? 

4) i’m so tired of people writing underage porn, bro. there are enough adults in this show, grow the fuck up

[theworldsoul]

Uhh warning VENT!!! Talks about self harm and shit... also religious bullshit and gender bullshit??? Like I'm really trans and also Catholicism really fucked me up so if ur uncomfy with that just... skip this post. Also if ur Christian and can't handle seeing ur shit defaced then skip this post. Also if ur gonna clown on this post as "cringe atheism" then fuck you because I'm literally coping with pain lol

:readmore:

Anways now that the disclaimer is over... here comes the real shit.

I... have been going through a LOT lately, jesus christ. I was HAPPY today, yknow? I thought I was gonna be happy the whole day.

I was dancing today. That's how happy I was. For the first time in like... a whole year... I was really so happy. I thought I was gonna cry. But then I got home. And well,,,, I did cry. But not from happiness. I just got my math grade back. A fucking 49 percent. MY AVERAGE RIGHT NOW IS A 57 PERCENT. I MIGHT FAIL MATH 20. I MIGHT HAVE TO RETAKE IT. oh my god I'm such a failure I cant do anything ever i try SO fucking hard but honestly??? I cant fucking do this. I can't, I'm not mentally capable. "Just work harder"... BITCH I AM WORKING AS HARD AS I CAN. I AM SPENDING HOURS AND HOURS OF MY LIFE STUDYING AND PRACTICING. I'm starting to think that how hard i try doesn't even fucking matter because I'm STUPID and all i know how to do is PAINT SHIT!!!! NOBODY CARES ABOUT ART!!!! IF I FAIL THIS CLASS I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE A HOUSE IN THE FUTURE!!!! A HOUSE!!!!!

I dont even want to be a fucking orthodontist. Okay??? I wanna do what I love: painting. But NOOOO. I have to get a "respectable" job that will "pay me enough money to live". WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO MAKE MONEY TO LIVE??? WTF??? THATS LITERALLY SO FUCKED UP. everyone deserves to live (unless they like murdered someone? I guess? Idk) BUT LIKE I DIDNT KILL NO ONE SO WHATS ALL THIS BS ABOUT WORKING TO LIVE???? WTF??? I rly gotta do all this shit I hate, all this shit I'm mentally incapable of doing... so i can have a house. Fuck this. Yknow with my average at a 57... I might fail this class even if I get a really good grade on my next quiz. Can you fucking believe it??? I'm literally so fucking stupid I cant even pass a dumb fucking math class god i hate myself. I cant fail this class. I've NEVER failed a class. Almost failed... but never HAD TO RETAKE A CLASS. that's the ultimate failure. I think my parents would hate me if I failed this.

And on top of that... I'm really struggling with uhhh, dysphoria and body image... and it's so fucking horrible man I want to rip all my skin off I want to suffocate god I want to KILL him I want to MAKE HIM SUFFER. I want to gouge his eyes out and force him to eat them. WHY WOULD HE MAKE ME LIKE THIS????? WHY????? WHATS THE POINT IN MAKING A CHILD SUFFER SO MUCH???

What did I ever do that was so wrong I deserved all this punishment???

Well FUCK YOU and fuck your stupid book and FUCK THESE STUPID FUCKING SAINTS. WASNT THERE SUPPOSED TO BE A WHOLEASS ANGEL WATCHING OVER ME?? PROTECTING ME??? WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT BITCH NOW?? WHERE WAS THAT BITCH WHEN... when I was being bullied? When I literally wanted to kill myself?

Where was that guardian angel when I kept making THE SAME MISTAKE over and over again and I KNEW it was wrong but I kept doing it anyways because it was the only way I could feel like soemone cared about me????

I bet that angel motherufcker KNEW they didnt care. DID THE ANGEL EVER ONCE HELP ME??? NOOOO. all those times I was bruised and broken... all those times...

Man, I was just a kid. I was SO fucking young. And I would come like a lamb to the slaughter and kneel. I would pray... ask for guidance. I would pray the rosary too, I would read the bible and try my very best to understand it, I would go to church and volunteer at church and do my best to be a Good Boy and never sin. I did EVERYTHING right. I literally fasted at some point, like a religious fast. I was devoted...

Honestly though? I think it was the same mistake I make over and over again, except not with a real person.

And you have me NOTHING. GO GIRL, GIVE US NOTHING!!!!!!! I literally used to self-punish for the sins I couldnt bring myself to confess. At my communion, there was one sin I didn't tell because I knew it was unforgivable. I still hate myself for that. But man, I used to try and do all sorts of things to somehow cleanse myself of it. I figured THAT whole ordeal was why I was constantly being tortured.

But I was stupid and I am stupid and that makes NO SENSE because if the thing I'm being punished for happened when I was a child, WHY DID THE PUNISHMENT BEGIN AT MY BIRTH????

They used to tell me that god handcrafted every part of me specifically for some sort of grand reason.

Why.

Really? This bitch really "handcrafted" me just so I could cry and cut myself nearly every night??? Fuck that. Like why would you make me this way. It hurts more than you can IMAGINE. The only reason I'm not dead yet is because of ME, MY strength, not any of the bullshit YOU gave me. I hate when people say "oh, god made u so hardworking" or "oh, god made you so passionate/hopeful/full of love/fiery/whatever" LIKE STFU BITCH THAT WAS NOT SKYDADDY THAT WAS ME!!!

you wanna know what he made me?

dysphoric, ugly af, yeah.... but the worst part?

He made me feel.

That doesn't sound bad, right? Well it's the worst thing on the list. It is my downfall, my Achilles heel or whatever. This emotions shit??? It RUINED my life. My whole life I was cursed with a fucking monster inside me. I kept trying to tell everyone that it wasnt me!!! I kept telling them that it felt like I was being possessed. But adults are SHIT. I hate adults. I want to kill them all. They failed me and their god failed me. None of them every listened to me. All they knew how to do was punish, punish, punish.

It's like giving an allergic kid some peanuts and then getting angry at them for going into anaphylactic shock or whatever. Nobody ever thought "hey, why don't we stop giving the kid peanuts?"

ALL THE ADULTS AROUND ME ACT LIKE CHILDREN AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE ACTED LIKE CHILDREN FUCK ADULTS

Anwyays that's how I ended up with all these unresolved issues,.... emotion is a tough one, like I literally dont have the ability to control my emotions at all, I can try and like, repress them but I cant make myself actually feel less.

My emotion hurts more than anyone else's and nobody ever understood that. I would tell them that it hurts, it PHYSICALLY HURTS, and they would say I just wanted attention. I would tell them I literally couldnt control what my body said and did, I would tell them I felt like A PUPPET ON STRINGS and no one believed me. Fuck them.

Healthy coping mechanisms? I literally self ship with Snape to cope. I literally self ship with characters my brain made up and put in my dreams to cope. I used to hurt myself so much trying to feel loved and cared about irl. Fiction is so much better. I sound like a loser but its TRUE. The sort of thing I need, the sort of love I need is like... a parent. You can't go looking for a parent in a romantic partner, it fucks everything up and you end up... well, let's just say it proabbly wasnt the most legal thing, but I wasnt thinking strisght at all I mean dude I was So fucked in my head when I did all that...whatever...anyways so thank u for fiction!!! I love fiction. Want to kill someone? Draw it. Then you'll feel much better!!! And you dont go to jail!!!

Well the pics here... idk, it was really calming to do this. It's new, painting over religious shit. I was gonna do the whole bible but I already burnt that shit so.... and I was going to cut but I'm trying really hard to stay clean... like really hard. It's so weird and like, addicting, once I hit styro I don't want to stop, but also it kinda transfers the emotional pain to physical pain, making it way easier to deal with. I just can't keep doing that because I KNOW it's bad and look I thoguht I was clean for a whole year but then I fucked up and WOW, GUESS WHAT MADE ME RELAPSE??? MATH CLASS!!!!

Whatever anyways here are my wonderful works of art I made while crying and cursing god (like I'm so pissed at all this catholic bs I believed in him again just to swear at him lol)

.... but imagine for a moment, a better world. One in whcih these saints whose images I've defaced are actually good people... a world in which they SEE ME AND THEY HEAR ME... and I go unpunished.... and I am embraced by someone who UNDERSTANDS.

I think I would cry.

Too bad that world doesnt exist and I just made it up to try and feel a bit better. Whatever, whatever. I painted the things, they're gonna dry. I work hard, I'm gonna do good on my quiz, I hope. I just have to be making it through, that's all it is, work work work without a break but I can proabbly do it. I'm really slipping I admit like the mental health is slipping it's getting worse like I havent had a "fuck I am afab" moment in such a long time so yeah...

Anwyays I feel so much better now that I did my little art project yknow???

#ughhh #parent your fucking kids #religious bullshit #adults dont fuck up the children you are in charge of challenge #religion don't fuck up trans kids challenge #good dick really breaks a motherfucker #vent

[nerdpiggy]

Tell us about your ocs!! I'm genuinely curios bc of the tags

[ID: Meme of Hatsune Miku smiling. Top text reads "Thanks for sending me a message". Bottom text reads "You're very cute and I will be replying to you".]

Robin "Robbie" Fuller: The character i play in a DND campaign.

they/them pronouns. they're nonbinary and asexual and don't care to label their romantic attraction.

They're 22 years old and 5'9" (175cm)

Their birthday is November 12th. they're a scorpio

They started off as a Mundane MOTW character and they're now a level 7 warlock in DND. They're a human

They live in a small coastal town in massachusetts called Holyoak and they go to the local college to learn culinary. They live in a single dorm and they have a cute widdle black cat named Chickadee

One day (for various reasons) their life was flip-turned upside down with discovering the existence of monsters, portals, different dimensions, and rifts in spacetime

One of the reasons for them discovering all of this was them meeting a man named Thomas who's a human from a different dimension called the Palisades. He's a well-known Judge over there. (Thomas is @bevtastic 's character)

Robbie gets an offer to join the Interdimensional Defence Agency (IDA), says fuck it and accepts, and Robbie and Thomas stay friends by virtue of their similar jobs.

Robbie is tasked to go to a different dimension (A half-medieval half-wild west desert town called Argyle) to stop a threat that was growing there. Threat turned out to be a massive mind-controlling dragon who wanted revenge for the rest of her dragon species that were killed off by medieval "heroes". Robbie was not cut out for this as their first job. They (with help) subdue the dragon eventually but not before she burned down multiple towns including Argyle to a crisp. Robbie feels very bad about this.

Robbie, Thomas, and the rest of the party receive a mysterious letter leading them to an old abandoned mansion in Holyoak and get roped into a rescue mission to save Thomas's old friend Percy who has apparently been bodysnatched by a bad guy and trapped somewhere for what felt like thousands of years. This is the arc where we switched from Monster of the Week to DND, and Robbie gets connected to a nature deity Adelaide through a purple necklace. They also get a familiar, who is an owl with pitch-black feathers and glowing yellow pupilless eyes that Robbie named Mr. Muffins.

Robbie and Thomas become very good friends :)

Thomas dies.

Robbie goes to the Palisades to find out what happened to him. Turns out he wanted to reveal the secret of interdimensional travel to the public and work to make it open, free, and safe. The people in charge did not allow him to do this by legal means so he aimed to do it illegally, which was when he was murdered by a group of bandits.

On top of that, one of the main reasons why he wanted to reveal the different dimensions is because there is a HUGE interdimensional threat coming our way, and we need to act on it if we want to live.

Percy finds Robbie and asks them to help with this threat, who apparently is a singular person named Siris that has been locked in a prison for thousands of years and somehow got out. Robbie doesn't have much of a choice and accepts.

In the Palisades, there are monsters called Behemoths. they emerge from people who get bitten by a behemoth or who touch the black tar-like substance that runs like rivers in certain areas of the Palisades. During a battle, Robbie gets bitten by a Behemoth, and now they're a candidate for Behemism (aka turning into big giant monster syndrome).

Because Robbie has Behemism and Siris is part of the reason for Behemism existing, they're mind roommates now. Robbie and Siris do not get along very well.

There's more to Robbie but this is their main backstory!!!

[ID: a drawing of Robbie holding a chrysanthemum. They have short pink curly hair, and they're wearing a yellow floral button-up and a purple necklace. They have bandages on their freckled face and they're looking down at the chrysanthemum with a neutral expression.]

Emile Azarel: A character i play in a different campaign that does MOTW.

He/him pronouns, he's trans, demisexual, and demiromantic.

He's 19 and he's 5'3

He doesn't know his actual birthday but the day he celebrates is January 23rd

His MOTW class is The Expert. He's a fire genasi

He was born in central Russia but he doesn't know his parents well because when he was ~8 months old there was a big monster attack that unfortunately killed his parents. A monster hunter named Avery Azarel found Emile, took him in and raised him.

Emile learned to hunt monsters with Avery and the two traveled around together as monster hunters.

Eventually Emile wished to have a solid place to live rather than constantly traveling, because he wanted friends. He found a town in the pacific northwest called Salmon Peak that had everything he wanted: Russian culture, a fairly small easy-to-get-around layout, and some very weird mysteries going on. (Just because Emile wanted to settle didnt mean he wanted to stop monster hunting!)

He moved to Salmon Peak and has met a bunch of new friends! He's also learning more and more about the town, which is turning out to be somehow even weirder than he expected.

Emile is a very sweet, polite boy, but considering the fact that he's only ever been around one person mainly for his entire life, he has a bit of a ways to go when it comes to interacting with people. The monster hunting life means that when there's a monster, you kill it and that usually solves all your problems. Emile has transferred this logic to people as well (if they're a monster, kill em!) and he's learning through friend influence that maybe human lives are a bit more sacred than that.

His favorite color is blue because he loves the sky!

A lot of people underestimate his skills because he's little and looks very young, but he is a very good monster hunter. Because of Avery (the best monster hunter in the biz), his last name has a bit of a reputation.

Emile is blind, autistic, and has vitiligo!

I have much more planned for Emile but I can't say it here because it is MAJOR spoilers!

[ID: a drawing of Emile walking forward. He is wearing a blue shirt with stars on it, blue jeans, a fluffy white jacket, a belt with a star on it, star earrings, a moon necklace, and black shoes. His blue hair is swaying behind him and he's holding a white cane with a red tip. He's smiling slightly.]

Avery Azarel: Emile's parent! I've not played them as a character yet but I've made a character sheet for them.

they/them pronouns. They're agender, aromantic, and pansexual

their age is (???) and their height is 5'7

they have a birthday but nobody knows when it is

Their MOTW class is The Chosen. they appear human

They're widely considered the best monster hunter in the biz. Their name is well-known and they're requested for help all around the world

Because of this, they're constantly traveling and having a house would not make sense. They just pack their things, stay at motels/hotels/etc., camp in the woods and move around to wherever people need them.

Since they've been pretty much everywhere, they always seem to know at least one person from each town. They never seem to get too close to anyone, though

They are fluent in many different languages!

In the past they were paired up with another monster hunter and they made a great duo. That was a couple decades ago; they go solo now.

Years ago, an unexpected and incredibly destructive monster rampaged a small town in Central Russia. Avery came as fast as they could (they were nearby in the area) but they still couldn't finish off the beast before it tore the whole town to shreds. Dozens of homes were crushed, but surprisingly most people survived, with the exception of a couple of people who died under the rubble. Avery felt awful (this was their biggest failure in a while), and as they were searching through the rubble for any more casualties they found little baby Emile, miraculously unscathed. They took him in and raised him from then on.

Nobody, not even Emile, knows very many details about Avery's childhood, their family, their age, or really any information about them. (Emile has been trying to figure out Avery's birthday for AGES so they can celebrate, but Avery has refused to budge)

Their main weapon is 2 pairs of bolas! those are those chains with 2 balls on either end, usually made to be thrown at people's legs to restrain and trip them. they use the bolas both as restraining tools and as their main weapon, because i think weapons where you spin them really fast in front of you are cool

There's a scar over their left eye; whenever someone asks how they got it they always spin a different elaborate tale of an epic monster battle. Nobody knows which (if any) is the true story

there is a WHOLE LOT that I am leaving out if you couldn't tell. There's a huge chunk of their past that I'm leaving out because it's all a big bundle of spoilers. Someday I will be able to elaborate more on Avery!

[ID: a picrew made by djarn of Avery. They're smiling, their head is tilted slightly, and there's a scar over their left eye. Their hair is tied half-up half-down. They're wearing a black shirt with "òwó" on it and a blue jacket with an aromantic flag pin and a pansexual flag pin. the background is an agender flag.]

These are my main OC's! I have more (Orion, Nottwyrm, "Noodlearms", etc.) but these 3 are the main ones that I post about. :3 thank u for asking!!!

If you have any questions about any of my characters I always welcome asks!!! 💖

#oc robbie fuller #oc emile azarel #oc avery azarel #pinned post #i have never used a read more before and idk if i did it right #GOD i hope it works #if it doesn't im so sorry #thank u so much for asking !!!

[crystu-cii]

Y E AH LIKE HELLO I NEED TO BREATH E

XDD YESSS-- YEAH FOR FREE-- we weren't even gonna GET a pet in japan but they found a post about her and were like "...okay fine" and she is so sweet 💕💞❤️💖💞💕💞 oms XDD mood-- oh so what you're saying is you should get a dog with the same color hair as you so you can't tell the difference? XD you'd have no problem with a little extra shed fur-- w h e eze true some people hate loud animals-- I don't, but I do have sensitive ears, which I.. did not take into account when getting a pet ;w;; good luck with getting a pet in the future!!! Again.. I recommend doggos--

XDDD it is SO TASTY-- it's got sweet potato mashed and mixed with brown sugar, with more brown sugar and pecans over the top, then marshmallows on top of those :3c

WOWWW HOW-- THAT'S INSANEEEE-- DAMN THAT'S SOME ROTTEN LUCK-- yeah school budgets? What's that XD yeesh tho that's some awful luck crys-

It is SO AWESOME-- But cRYsSssSSs Portal 2 has a co-op mode!!! And the puzzles aren't too hard-- you even have an in-game polite guide!!! Also I saw a thing today saying "so we obviously can't please EVERYone with a game but I gotta tell you I ain't ever seen a mfer complain about Portal!" WHICH IS SO TRUE LIKE EVERYONE LOVES PORTAL--

Yesss!!!! YEAAAA GLADOS SAYS TRANS AND ENBY PEOPLE ROCK AND ARE VALID!!!!!! I'd like you to know, when I initially discovered it, I had been trying to fall asleep and Couldn't so my mind was wandering, and I was like "....is there a Glados says trans rights thing on the internet?" and I was gonna do it in the morning but I couldn't sleep anyways so I just. Looked it up. At like 2am. Because it was That Important that I couldn't sleep until I looked it up(and then I fell asleep pretty fast, so.. hm--) XDDD

YEAH like wHERE ARE YALL-- XDD

Wellllll what are we supposed to do? Just move it to our dms? gestures vaguely to the length of theses posts You think discord can handle this?? It couldn't even handle me rambling about the cores with it's cowardly 2k character limit! /lh

aawhhh 😭💞💞💕💞💞

and PFTT that would be a lot more chaotic XDD literally right after i vaccum my floor in my room there many strands back on the floor anyway- gosh i have no clue whats up with my hair ;0;; and yeahh- my friend who used to be my neighbor had birds and they would ALWAYS make sound and im like "oh man-" xDD and the BIRDS WERENT EVEN FRIENDLY like- i was there when they first got the birds arrived to them and i was expecting the birbs to be nice but they legit repel from human contact- whenever i would stick my finger in the cage they would hang on the the opposite side of the cage xD so far i imagine they just let them live and dont interact with them at all- doesnt really sound fun to be honest ;w;;

and OOOO MAN that sounds so awesome :0 ooO i should also say how my dinner went yesterday, since it was kinda our belated thanksgiving- we got take out from a chinese restaurant! might sound a little sad that we didnt cook anything- but take out is a very common thing in our family xD and i FINALLY GOT MY CHEESECAKE I DESIRED YAAAAASSSS- and my bro also got cookies! (they were from a high quality place as well) and one of the flavors was pumpkin pie (the cookie even looked like a pie!) and i was happy cause that shall replace the actual pumpkin pie i also wanted xD and it was GOOD?? LIKE MOM- PUMPKIN PIE ISNT BAD xD so that was my night!

and LEGITTTT LIKE- oh my god i can LITERALLY go on and on about how horrible that year was from my previous year- and THEN THERES COVID TO TOP IT ALLLL OFF UGHHHHWUFOAJ

and WHHH IT DOES?? I thought that was a seperate game :OO and oHHH that sounds cool! and BAHHA- fACTSSS xDD and omggg i feel that- i would always search up random things of a fandom and see if they exist or not XDD IM SO GLAD A "TRANS RIGHTS" GLADOS EXISTS XDD i also actually do have a Portal instagram folder where i save portal related posts- OKAY AT THE MOMENT I AM WRITING THIS SENTENCE i looked back wt the folder (its the last one out of all my folders because i havent saved any posts in it for a LONG time) and there arent many posts as there are with my other franchise folders- BUT LITERALLY (ALMOST) ALL THE POSTS ARE WHEATLEY AND IM LIKE PFPFNTKAHFIANJD there were also some chell x human!wheatley there because the way people drew those two were in a very cute art style so i liked it- i hope me liking the ship doesnt sound too weird though- xD ;w;; bUt THATS my experience of being in the portal fandom(?) XDD

and oh yeaH YOURE RIGHT- i keep forgetting that discord has a character limit but at the same time it always gets me- whenever im trying to show my friends a fanfic i wrote discord is all like "IMMA STOP YOU RIGHT THERE" and its shitty- my friends dont even comment on my fanfics anyway- xDD

#the rambles of crystu

[punchholesinthesky]

I didn't know you could just be a boy

I was listening to a podcast today, about a girl who stood up to her parents at the tender age of four and told them that she was a girl and that she'd chosen a name. I'm in awe of this little girl being so damn sure of herself. I got super emotional listening to it and it got me thinking about my own childhood. It was NPR’s radio ambulante, the episode called “yo nena”.

I knew I was different from a young age but I didnt know how.

I just felt it. And probably cause I visited a lot of doctors and i guess most kids don't do that?

I learned that my brain was different but not the details. I had some vague notion of being adhd. I would not learn it until much later by googling different developmental disorders and learning about being neurodivergent and autistic.

I would later on go on to learn I was queer too, and though I had read the word genderqueer once and thought it fit, I hadn't given it much thought.

I was assigned female at birth, and though I have never liked it, I thought I was stuck with it, that I just had to make the best of it.

I remember wishing to be a boy so many times. Identifiying with male characters, creating ocs and alter-egos, acting the male parts (it was an all-girls school, someone had to), and begging mum to let me cut my hair short, and being so happy when people thought I was a boy.

I never liked traditionally female things, never had a barbie, hated dresses (there's still a photo of a tiny grumpy me being forced into a dress one of my grandmas gave me) and my school uniform was trousers 99% of the time. The other 1% was like official acts, maybe the first and last day of school, stuff like that. I hated it, but at an all-girls catholic school I had much biggers issues that complaining about wearing a skirt a few days out of the year. I remember the gym uniform being a problem. Not sure what the problem was. Something about tights maybe?

I never felt like a girl. But it wasn't something I could properly explain so when I tried to talk about it, with my parents or friends what they usually got out of it was the usual self-steem issues of any girl. Mum tried to help by helping me choose new clothes, telling me how good I looked. And trying to get me to be more feminine, teaching me about 'girly stuff',

But that wasn't it. I understand it better now .

See, it's not that I have self-steem issues about my appearance. I know I'm conventionally good

looking. And if I gave 1/10 of a fuck I can be a very hot girl. I have photos of pasts attempts to prove it. But it never felt right. It never felt like me.

I can put on a bikini and I'm young, thin, fit, I'll look good. But that doesn't mean I'll like what I see in the mirror. I don't feel uncomfortable because I think the person in the mirror looks bad but because I don't know who that is.

I feel exposed. Vulnerable. Bikinis are uncomfortable by design, meant to exploit feminine bodies and for someone who's already uncomfortable having one? A bloody nightmare.

And there's a lot of understand. Why the hell am I being punished for the crime of having a female body by being constantly uncomfortable ? Why are clothes so terrible? Why is so hard to find something basic and decent? Why are bras the worst?? On and on and on. questions I never got the answer to. So much confusion about girl stuff that every other girl i knew seemed capable of navigating.

For a long time I blamed it on me being weird (ie, neurodivergent)

Like, all my friends started caring about boys, parties, romance, alcohol and drugs.

I'd always struggle in school and one year I got literally left behind.

I struggled with depression. I tried hard to fit in and be like them. I tried to be normal, followed their strange rituals. I let my hair grow out, i went on dates with boys, I drank too much and made out with strangers. I got into trouble. I wore a dress to my graduation and invited a boy I'd been talking to.

It was one of the few times I wore a dress voluntarily. Another one was a christmas dinner. And a new year's party. I also wore a skirt to dress up as kate bishop. That's about all I recall. I did buy a dress to cosplay clara oswald but never did it.

I wonder, what if I had told my parents I was a boy and I wanted to be treated like one before? How would they have reacted ?

Laughed it off probably. As they did when I pretended to be a boy for a game as I often did.

I can't imagine them taking it seriously, even now.

I don't know when I found out trans people existed, or who was the first one I heard about.

But I do know I thought it meant you like hated your body or yourself and wanted to be totally different.

And that didnt fit me. I had never hated myself. I hated how the world treated me. I hated arbitrary rules based on gender.

My scout group was mixed-gender, but we were divided in troops and these were single-gender and divided by age.

But we all learned the same things. Whether it was building a fire, tracking, or cooking, we got the same lessons. Sometimes we competed and we slept/bathed separately.

In TECHO it was all mixed-gender. Well, except bathing, but often we'd shared the same bathroom. We slept, cooked, and worked together.

And nobody ever looked down on girls as 'the weaker sex'

That was cool.

My actual education was the opposite. Academically, it is better for a school to be all-girls, at least for girls. But socially, not so much.

As a teenager, I hadn't quite forgotten how much I wanted to be a boy as a kid, but idk I thought I had left it behind me. That what I craved was freedom, independence, the benefits of being a boy, not actually being one.

Later I would discover terms like 'internalized misogyny' and think that was the problem. Cause I liked Lucy and Arya, not Susan and Sansa.

Yet here I stand, years later. Having done a lot  of work. Recognising the value of Susan and Sansa. Appreciating Peggy Carter, in a gay and feminist way, and still not wanting to be a girl.

It just doesn't fit me. It's not a rejection.

I'm a feminist. I think women are great.

I understand there are many ways to be one.

That I don't have to be feminine to be one.

And yet, it just doesn't feel right.

After I learned of what 'gender dysphoria' was I though, 'oh I can't be trans I don't have that'

And then, I learned about 'gender euphoria'

And that finally opened my eyes

Trying to be a girl always felt like an ill-fitting costume, no matter how hard I tried. Like I was playing a part and didn't know my lines.

I remember cutting my hair short, like kstew, and going WOW upon seeing my reflection.. I looked more like myself than I had in ages.

I bought different clothes. Boy's clothes. I'm too small for men's clothes but I can fit just fine in clothes meant for 12 years old boys.

I cut my hair, put on new clothes, bought tight sport bras, and when I looked in the mirror, I wasn't sure who the person staring back was but I really liked how he looked.

My parents, for ages, tried to get me to 'dress nicer' to 'act like a lady' and so on. I cared enough to shower and put on clean clothes. I bought a lot of nerdy shirts which I at least liked. Did some experiments. Occasionally I'd make an effort but otherwise I was pretty basic. Loose-fitting jeans and hoodies.

Family kept gifting me nicer girly things I'd wear once and often ignored later.

It wasn't till I gave myself permission to truly dress how I wanted, and yes to shop in the boy's/men's section that I started to actually care about how I looked and putting more effort in.

I never thought I could be a boy, because I didn't know that was a thing you could do.

if I had been like that little girl and said 'i'm a boy' I think they'd havebeen at a total loss.

would they have asked my shrink? What would he have said?? It felt as though they were always on my case to be more lady-like but I know that's unfair. They were generally pretty okay with me being a tomboy, at least until puberty. And even then it was never that huge a thing. More of a constant annoying issue. There were many more pressing ones.

It's 2019, and I bet most parents would still be at a loss. There's not exactly a lot of rep or info.

I'm a lot happier with how I look now, but I still haven't found the right words to explain myself to my parents. I know I have to eventually, I want to stop hiding, to be visible, to change my name.

#Gender euphoria #trans guy #Text ramblings #Trans rights #Representation matters #Coming out #My face #Trans masc

[someone-always-cares]

[image description: a q&a for the webcomic someone always cares. full desc under the cut because its long and wordy sorry]

post chapter 3 Q&A

first - previous - next

thanks for yalls questions!! it was fun to answer! if anyone still has questions feel free to ask whenever i am always 100% down to ramble. even if i did go slightly off topic in some answers

additional: went off topic with the hair question a bit. their bright hair is all part of the transformations. regular hair dye does exist though. best way to tell is that if the eyebrow matches the hair its probably not dyed. also, quartz’s hair is naturally ginger.

also for more on ages, check out the character bios here

also was gonna keep this in the tags but thought i might as well actually try to answer it: the question i found it hardest to answer was someone the song one. my taste in music is. a mess really. ive been listening to like the same 5 songs on repeat all day. more under the cut because i was rambling again and now its uhhh half 1am

if it helps at the time of answering that specific question i had home by cavetown on repeat, and that song reminds me of both rami and lewis. but that may be because i project onto those two a lot, and as a aro trans dude. who sucks with people skills, yeah of course i love that song.

specifically the vibes of like not knowing how to communicate (rami is fine with his friends but other people are different), the lines “ Turn off your porcelain face, I can't really think right now and this place, Has too many colors, enough to drive all of us insane” idk what the porcelain face line is supposed to mean but im picturing it as like. a mask. that you need to take off and stop hiding and rami does tend to hide when hes feeling upset, and the next two lines kinda could tie into that, like the feeling of when youre overwhelemed and just want the world to stop so you just hide somewhere. also the colours could go with chapter 3 with the chromatic abberation.

also the bit with “ my eyes went dark, I don't know where, my pupils are, But I'll figure out a way to get us out of here” just kinda sums up ramis whole hero thing with his powers and all. anyway this has turned into less what songs rami would like and why this particular song reminds me of him and lewis (lewis specifically has the hair cutting/chest hiding, [big transmasc mood], and also messy haired trainwreck who doesnt know who he is yet. also the ghosts bit)

i did end up picking upbeat songs because ramis a dude who like to try and be upbeat even if things arent. even if hes not really feeling it he will pretend to.

[full description: Anonymous said to someone-always-cares: “hi ily!!! do characters like quartz who have colored hair have that naturally or did they dye it?”

“its both natural and not! while most supers can do a magical girl ish transformation, including a change in hair colour, there are some exceptions.”

theres two small full body drawings of rami, one in civilian clothes, one fully transformed.

“if a superhero were to have a biological child, the child will inherit the powers of the parent(s). however, the child will not inherit the full transfromation. they do inherit any physical transformations, but not the outfit.”

theres a drawing of a woman in blue, quartz’s mother, fully transformed, holding her mask in her hand, smiling down at a much younger quartz as a child. hes smiling back up at her with the same blue eyes, pointy ears, and blue hair, but hes still in normal clothes.

“in the case of quartz, both of hisparents had superpowers, and he inherited those powers and the physical transformations.he can also pick and mix whatphysical traits to change.“

next is a headshot of adult quartz, his face split down the middle with one side having hair and eye like his mother, the other like his father. theres a list of traits from each parents, blue hair and eyes and pointy ears from his mum, and purple hair and eyes and pointy teeth from their dad.

 “Anonymous said to someone-always-cares:  Are all the characters the same age? If not, how old are they? Are they irl friends or just superhero friends?”

theres some headshots of rami and his team lined up with ages labelled: cam is 15, rami himself is 17, lin, mateo, and dante, are all 18, and cap is 20.

“rami and xandra were somewhat friends before she got superpowers, so when, after the incident with her old team, she found rami had developed powers, xandra stuck close to him. their other teamates started off as superhero friends but soon turned into irl friends too”

theres a headshot of lewis and jade. theyre both 17

“when lewis first decided to start being a vigilante,jade quickly found him and decided to help train himand offered to be a mentor of sorts, as they both have similar powers. that quickly derailed.”

“ cinder5555 said to someone-always-cares: How long does it usually take to make a comic page? I'm curious because they're so freaking good that they must take FOREVER”

theres a drawing of myself, a fluffy hair tired bastard in a hoodie, smiling

“Thanks! Ive been doing this shit since like 2017 and i still have no idea how long it takes me. i can get a page done in a day if i have nothing else to do or if its a simple page, but if i have work then maybe 2-3 days? i spend like, most of my free time doing this.“

another drawing of me, now looking frustrated muttering “how the FUCK does time work”

“but i can never do it all on one sitting.i will inevitably get distracted and zone out daydreaming mid drawing so its very hard to get an accurate read on how long it takes. so however long a piece of string is i guess“

the only qustion not from tumblr is a discord message from RuneStone Cabin:

“Q: Can you talk about the incidence of superpowers in this world? Like many people are supers, which powers are more or less common, how long they've been a thing for, stuff like that. Also does Omen know I'd die for them “

theres a drawing of omen pointing at a date circled on a calender marked “decembuary”, theyre saying “i know. i already wrote your death in my calender.”

then a giant wall of text reading: “Supers have only existed for a relativly short time, since the early 1940s. momento mori was the second person to have ever gained powers.

Only a small number of the population are supers! the chances are higher in more populated cities, but unusally london has oneof the higher percentages of supers. while nobody in universe has any idea of the origins of superpowers, it does seem that powers are more likely to occur in people who would actually use their powers.

as for what powers are most common, after making a badly catagorized spreadsheet of every superpowered character ive made for this world (70% of which will probably never even be seen), turns out that elemental powers are the most common. although not all elemental powers manifest as the straight up 'controling this element' as seen in characters like lin or tsunami. for example, iris's powers would fall under shadow elemntal powers, but theyre a lot more weird that just controlling shadows.there are some abilities that have never been seen before,such as ressurection or full on time travel (aka anything that could bring a character back to life), but powers are certainly allowed to toe the line eg healing, powers involving undeath, immortality, pausing or manipulating time.

aside from that, anything goes. you could get plain old superstrength, but you could also get the ability to create dogs with your mind. other not quite rules, more guidelines are that supers are immune to their own powers hurting them (unless they were pushing themselves too hard), although the way the imminuties occur may be inconvinient to the super.

while some powers may be 'more powerful' than others, powers dont really get to be way underpowered or overpowered in comparision to others. sure being able to talk to animals may feel a bit useless compared to someone who can lift 4 tanks at once, but nobodys going to end up with a power like 'can turn into a goose but only once' or 'can grow toenails twice as fast' or 'if i sneeze i can change my hair colour'. at the same time, youre not going to get someone with the power to snap their fingers and level a city, or instantly blow up the moon or whatever.

“Anonymous said to someone-always-cares: I love rami PLEASE tell me his favorite song(s) and why. I will die for you”

a drawing of rami saying out loud “i dont really have any specific favourite song, really? i just listen to whatever sounds catchy and then listen to that on repeat for hours until i hate it. i guess i do like upbeat songs? ones that make you feel happy even if the lyrics are sad”

“ un1c0rnhh said to someone-always-cares: tell me,,, please,, cam,,, are they a cat person or a dog person?? ily"

theres a drawing of cam a metre away from a cat lying down. she has her arm out and is making ‘psspsspss’ noises at it. end id]

FUCK i am so glad i didnt hand write all of that, it would have been a major pain in the ass to write it all and then have to transcribe all that next. but nope i could directly copy paste the asks and word answers. cheers if anyone made it this far down. if anyone wonders why this is uploaded late, you know now.

#sac #someone always cares #sorry to my friends i rambled to about the previosly mentioned attempt at catagorizing powers #i made a fucking spreadsheet and everything #it was awful #also it probably obvious but i still have yet to download the font i use to this computer #did i ever mention what i named the font when i made it #because its called 'dicks out for the void' or something #it was funny back in mid/late 2017 ok

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

K-Pop life lessons (2 year old blog anniverary project)

I believe that music is something that can bring people together. I believe that the musicians we listen too and the things they create can teach us things. This goes for every genre, not just K-Pop. But there is a stigma around K-Pop of it just being men and women dancing around singing about ice cream, rainbows and happiness. It can be that, but it can be incredibly meaningfull and the artists teach us things. 

Here are some things I have learned: 

Monsta X , BTOB and Seventeen taught me that family isn’t just blood, it can go further than that. Your friends can become your family. 

SHINee and VIXX taught me that it’s perfectly fine to go against the grain of what others do. As long as you stay yourself. 

Day6 taught me that it’s okay to feel alone sometimes, but in the end you are never truly alone. 

Sistar, Girl’s Generation, AOA, Mamamoo etc have taught me that it’s okay to be confident and speak my mind when I feel like I am being done wrong. 

Here are some life lessons that other Kpop fans have chosen to share with me

“stray kids taught me that it's perfectly okay to be sad, depressed, or have anxiety because there's always a light at the end of the tunnel and so there's so many people just like me”

-@lysss-xo

“Super Junior taught me how to smile and laugh again after I had spent so much time barley going through the motions.”

-signed, A Shy Male ELF.

“VIXX and BTS taught me that even when you might feel down and think that nothing matters, eventually everything is going to get better.”

-        @michelleherrera16

“Day6 taught me that’s it’s okay to go at my own pace and everyone can feel lonely and thats okay Stray Kids thought me that everyone feels lost at some point and going into adulthood is scary and longing to go back to the easier days is normal”

-@its-simply-me19

“BTS taught me that I can't always think about everyone else, I'm young and I have my own dreams to go after. If I need it, I'll take the time to sort my sht out. That's thanks to SUGA's 'Nevermind'. Mikrokosmos made me realize I have a reason for being here right now, and my existence does matter. These two songs had lyrics that pulled me out of suicidal thoughts i'd been dealing with for 6 years. It’s so weird that certain lyrics had that effect on me. Although I still have depression and social anxiety, I’m slowly getting over it. I’m finding myself.”

-@moonkiddionysus17

“This is pretty basic, but BTS and Got7’s Jackson are teaching me to love myself since I hate myself to my core. It’s a long road but I know I’ll get there eventually ❤️⭐️”

-@broken-scene-queens 

“I know this isnt strictly what you asked butVixx and esp, Hakyeon inspire me. I see him being a leader and helping his members, vlogging, serving his country, moving out, spending time with friends and family, doing charity work in a very super low key way, being kind, gracious and just a lovely human being and it reminds me that's what I need to be. I want to inspire and carry myself with the level of maturity and grace he has.”

-anon

“Wanna One taught me the right way to life with memories, to not get stuck in the past holding onto memories crying because they're not coming back, instead I've learned to treasure memories and see them as something beautiful without pain, but with a smile on my face.”

-Anon

“VIXX and BTS showed me that there is nothing wrong with being sexually dominant and identifying as a woman -- their subby concepts gave me metaphorical wings. (my name is Coral but I don't have a tumblr I just check yours sorry)”

-Anon

“Monsta x and Dreamcatcher taught me to never give up on your dreams, no matter what anyone says, the amount of pain and heatbreak, or how long it takes. Dreamcatcher specifically taught me that it is okay to start over if what you were doing in your life did not turn out to be what you wanted. Sometimes it takes a little more time to figure yourself out before you are happy. ( Their story of how they went from Minx to Dreamcatcher really inspires me)”

-@brieflycraftycollectoruniverse 

“N.flying taught me that it’s okay to be weird, out of the box, and different. Taught me how to accept my weird personality and find others that accepted it as well.”

-anon

“So for me, it was VIXX. They were my first group and they came into my life at the right time. I had hit an all time low with my depression. 'Error' distracted me from the bad in the world and it was through them that I learned that there was still beauty in the world. Their lyrics inspired and Ravi in particularly inspired with his own struggles and his outlooks on life. I don't think I would be here or at least as happy as as stable as I am if it wasn't for them.”

-Anon

“A lot of the groups have fought me the families don’t end in blood, that you can make your own if needed, mainly 17 and Victon”

-🦋 anon

“iKON, EXO, and Monsta X taught me what a real family looks like, and how to support my fam through thick and thin. The most important lesson is that family doesn't end with blood, and sometimes it doesn't even start with blood. After all, the blood from a pact with your real family will always be thicker than the water of the womb.”

-@wynnewriteshq

“Red Velvet didn't really teach me much, but they gave me a reason to smile. Wendy said this on VLIVE a little after RV's 5th anniversary: "I will always be there for you, I will be there even when you leave because you can always come back to me." (paraphrasing) It made me cry a little on the inside because I found them the summer before I started high school. It was really rough but I had their music to make me happy.”

-Anon

“Tbh I got into kpop at a crazy time I'm a young mom and I felt so out of touch with who I am. It was more than one group, but the combination of "fun thing for me " and BTS had just started the love yourself series... it meant the world to me to remind myself that the me that exists under "mom" was worth love too.”

-Anon

“Got7 taught me that it's okay to have fun while chasing your dreams and ambitions. You're not doing anything wrong while having fun cause you're still on the path you wanna go. Even if there are people that don't believe in your dreams remember that you're doing for yourself, not for them. Do what makes you happy.”

-@ahgasedaa-mark

“Blackpink taught me to be the badass woman i am today. I think without them i would still be in my shell of depression and fear. Got7 didnt teach me anything they saved my life. Their music calms me and makes me feel loved with saying how beautiful, amazing, and perfect you are in their lyrics. I know it may sound cliche but their music has helped me a lot feel beautiful and good about myself. Bts did the same. both got7 and bts had taught me that i deserve better. They became my safe space when i have panic attack. They both helped me get me out of sexually abusive relationship and helped me gain the friends i have today. I have great friends that arent toxic and a closer relationship with my mom. I even met my boyfriend because without got7 and bts words i would have never gotten out of my house, get on dating sights, and go to japan. They have helped me immensely when i used to be shut in.”

-@kpopluvwriter

“RM of BTS reminded me that I love writing poetry to express the things I can't tell anyone. TOP of BIGBANG showed me that someone with anxiety issues can still do anything. Most of all, most of the groups I love have given me a community I can trust with more than just Kpop stuff- I feel safe telling fellow Kpop stans that I'm trans and nonbinary because I've seen such a supportive and loving community here.”

-Anon

“Kpop fan culture has taught me that you will always have a friend if you need one. Also that if someone is in distress another WILL come to help. Stray Kids, Bts, Seventeen etc.: have taught me that it’s okay to love myself and that if they love me I should love myself too.”

-@skylarrae168

“Stray kids taught me to never give up no matter how long it's going to take, it's okay to take your time and that no matter what I'm going through everything is going to be okay. Bts taught me that's it's okay to not have a dream and to just do whatever makes me happy and they also taught me how to be myself...like I should be always be myself and that there is nothing 'wrong' with me...if that make sense”

-@paigsa

“Kpop has taught me a lot of things subtly over the past couple years. But the ones I can really pick out are that. It taught me how not to give up on life when things get tough but just step back. It taught me how and when to cut out toxic people from my life. It taught me that I can still do so much despite my mental health and that my mental illnesses don't define me. It's also inspired me to start drawing again after a long bout of art block.”

-@z-stitch

“Kpop as a whole has taught me to be myself, to live more creatively and not to hide anymore.”

-@harmonal

Alot of these brought me to tears and I am so glad you all decided to participate in this and I really appreciate it. Please stick with me for the years to come ♥

#ithinkilikeit-reaction blog project #apink #bts #blackpink #day6 #stray kids #exo #mamamoo #sistar #exid #clc #kpop #btob #seventeen #got7 #vixx #shinee

[insertdisc5]

Yet Another Zelda Roleswap (the masterpost)

✨what's this AU?

Check THIS POST I DID that started it all and also the AU’s tag

✨in this au, the previous legends about the triforce are the same, aka “zeldas are princesses links are heroes and ganon/ganondorf is always the same guy and the big bad”! BUT THIS TIME DESTINY DID AN OOPSIE and ganondorf forgot all about his previous lives while link is the one who remembers them all!!! zelda just wants to travel and read cool legends and didnt expect to be part of one

✨ZELDA STUFF

-trans girl, found the name zelda in very very very old royal records

-she's like 16 or something

-seventh heir to the throne who wants to prove herself, so she goes on an adventure to save the world!!!!

-adventurous and impulsive and naive

-main weapon is bows, she also knows magic and sheikah techniques

-has six siblings who dont really pay attention to her. shes probably the youngest

-her point of view is very black and white at first

-even when she gets in the middle of link and ganon’s story she still doesn’t believe she is The Zelda of legend

-how could she she’s just a zelda, one among many, just a kid playing at being a princess

-(she IS the zelda)

-she gets a bird AND a white horse!!!!

-if she sees a weird cave she WILL go into it 

-would probably eat moss if dared

✨LINK STUFF

-genderfluid, uses he/they

-hes in his early twenties

-a man zelda meets during her travels, who seems to know a lot about old legends

-he can see koroks and fairies, who can’t be seen by most people

-gets all his past lives' memories after he gets the master sword, over a period of a day or two

-maybe link does remember his past deaths along with his past lives, but past deaths are maybe more muted…. less like he experienced them and more like someone told him about it. still fucks him up tho

-i feel like he’d be pretty nice and sleepy all the time, until you mention something that has to do with his memories (aka, ganondorf, but also like “oh ive heard some hero in the legends went back to being a kid to save the world or whatever) and he’d get this super serious, focused look… something like that, little things that would make zelda go :^?

-he just really wants to kill ganondorf ya dig

-SO MANY BOSS FORMS probably one per main title (kinda like xant’s battle in TP) (strongest/hardest to fight is majora’s mask link), and final form is definitely some twisted looking fierce deity

-as for his past selves he has all of their memories and its kind of… they’re not him, he’s him, they’re just memories that he has, but when he is very very stressed its “memories become actual personalities for a sec” time. 99% of the time its just him and then ganondorf is there and its like WILL EVERYONE SHUT UP IM TRYING TO MAKE A MURDER HERE

-he’s not controlled by malice or anything because it would feel like a deus ex machina to me

-in the end he doesnt die and he gets redemption because he didnt hurt anyone he just tried to kill ganondorf a few times hes good, and also zelda is his friend and an heir to the throne he’s got immunity. poor guy just needs help processing all those lives and needs a cabin in the woods with some fairies!!!

-re: his past lives, oot link SUPER HATES ganondorf while ww link is more sympathetic. links who havent fought ganondorf are ambivalent about him

-endgame ship is either with ganondorf OR beedle. beedle is the secret ending

-will eat moss

✨GANONDORF STUFF

-he's in his twenties i promise he just has resting old man face

-zelda’s old childhood friend

-doesn’t remember anything about his past lives

-gerudo king, very serious but fairly well loved

-lets not talk about malice it either doesnt exist/this ganondorf doesnt have any/this ganondorf knows how to control it. either way its not gonna affect the story

-”what are you wearing today king” “oh, just whatever” (its not whatever he spent hours finding the day’s outfit)

-found out about his past lives while reading a very very very old book, probably read it and stayed in his room for a week and then promised himself to never ever ever turn out like that

-genuinely a good person

-would never eat moss

✨RELATIONSHIPS STUFF

-zelda and ganondorf actually knew each other as kids! Both being royalty and all. legends do talk about a hero a princess a beast or whatever but don’t use link or ganondorf’s names since it’s been so long- it takes zelda and ganondorf both finding old, old books on their own to be like “AH OOPS”!!! Ganondorf learns about his past lives much earlier than zelda, who finds out during her adventures, and she goes from seeing ganondorf as a dear friend to being like “…but what if he’s really bad though”

they’re old childhood friends, you know, the kind that were best friends before and then grew up and saw each other less often (different kingdoms and all) so they kinda grew apart, and then zelda starting her quest made them reconnect again! Ganondorf is a little older than zelda so he always saw her more as his little sister who just jumps into mud because she totally saw a sword there i promise, and zelda sees ganondorf as her cool older brother who actually pays attention to her, unlike her actual siblings

-when link and zelda meet, zelda’s like “weird dude but probably harmless” and link is like “weird girl but probably harmless” and then she’s like “oh my name is zelda” and link goes “ah just likeWAIT” and he kinda observes her to… gauge her abilities? My Zeldas Were Better kinda thing. i guess during their final battle he’s like “you’re really a zelda, after all” and its bittersweet

the second zelda figures out link is also part of those legends she goes full hero worship mode, which makes link’s fall from grace… really… hard on her. ive been admiring you and wanting to be a hero like you all this time, turns out you’re not a hero and also Not Okay

-re ganondorf and link, after everything that happened uuuh

human brain: it probably takes them both a long while to get used to each other, given that one was almost killed by the other and the other has vivid memories of having their world(s) destroyed by the one, but after a while they probably bond over their shared uuuuh memories i guess. link visits gerudo city once in a while and they catch up and become friends and

lizard brain: after 100k words they DATE

no i wont write how it happens you will NOT make me embarrass myself in front of everyone because i earnestly wrote about how link visits ganondorf every time he’s in gerudo country and at first link just passes by to give ganondorf news about how zelda is faring as queen and news about the world, and as time goes and years go by  they start talking about their lives and struggles and just taking walks across the desert together and having sand seal races and everyone in ganondorf’s court is like “so when’s that little voe coming back” and ganondorf is like “i neither know nor care that its been three months since his last visit” and everyone’s like (smirk) “okay” and when has he even started to look forward to link’s visits anyway how did this happen and then link comes back and smiles gently and shows ganondorf this cool rock he found that looks like ganondorf’s face and ganondorf is smitten

takes them both Y E A R S to realize their feelings and then date tho. slow burn or bust

✨WORLD STUFF

-takes place in a time where the games’ adventures are only known as legends where they didnt even write down ganondorf’s and link’s names

-now that im thinking about it it wouldnt happen like THOUSANDS OF YEARS after any game because then ganon and link wouldnt be that worried about their destiny??? so maybe like 100-200 years after a game??? and the ppl writing down the legends were just terrible bookkeepers who couldnt even think write down link and ganon’s name

-(smash voice) EVERYONE IS HERE!!!!!!!! tingle and agitha the bug princess and sidon and especially groose who is uuuuum zelda’s rival who is totally not in love with her

-i think in botw its implied koroks are only seen by people like link and zelda??? so id say only people with uuuuh magical power??? can see them???? so koroks are just doin their thing, playing pranks, helping people without them knowing, and, in the case of makar, playing romantic music around couples

#Yet Another Zelda Roleswap AU #zelda #ref #im gonna put most questions ive answered on private so this tumblr remains pretty much art #but i might as well do a post with all the stuff ive said!!!! #i LOVE your questions and i still have some to answer but i usually put ask tags on private after a few days so #PLEASE SEND ME MORE QUESTIONS IF YOUD LIKE!!! #will update this post as time goes on

[sanguinarius-archive]

Hey! Could I get to know some of your headcanons about dickfigures/your designs for them? :D

ya ya sure!!!!

i already have my designs for them up if you havent seen, here they are!

as for headcanons idk how long this post will be so ill just add a read more for anyone who might not wanna scroll thru it all lol

red!!!!!

his real name is rowan bc i thought it was cute, also it means “little red one” which is eVEN BETTER

he’s nonbinary masc and bisexual! the self projection is REAL

he has adhd

most of my headcanons kinda flow into my own version of dick figures because i’m not very Satisfied with canon NJSJDNSKM so like. for example red doesn’t just kill people or whatever. he gets into fights and has scars and wears bandaids a lot bc of them

he graduated college with blue, he got a bachelor’s degree in fine arts (honestly idk how college works bc im a grade 10 baby so if thats like totally wrong just let me know also im. canadian so idk how american school system works LOL)

red got suspended a lot in high school but never expelled. mostly bc he got in fights that were mainly him protecting stacey from shitty people (he sees her as his sister so he was rlly protective) and the school wasnt really sure what else to do so they just. you know. suspended him a bunch of times hoping itd do something but it didnt

he hates his dad! reason being is bc when he was born, his dad was actually an alien able to disguise himself as human, so he wanted to take red back to his home planet cuz red turned out to be more powerful than anything his dad had ever seen. but red’s mom was like Nope, so she snuck out with him and his plush cat (kitty amazing) and they were never found. red is very close with his mom and is scared of his dad coming back someday

we know he canonically likes rlly loud music so im just gonna project here and say he’s a metalhead. at least, some form of it. he likes the alt scene music and industrial rock. examples being deftones, nine inch nails, skinny puppy, rage against the machine, kittie and others. it keeps him focused and calm

bLUE!!!

we know blue was bullied as a kid but i dont wanna say red also bullied him bc i feel like thats just wrong to me? MAYBE ITS NOT ACTUALLY but it just makes me sad so like. lets say red, being as protective as he is, stood up for blue a lot cuz he was like “oh this kid cant fight” so he knew what to do

blue dated pink for awhile but they mutually agreed to break up after blue realized this wasnt what he wanted (he came to the conclusion that he was gay, well, he knew for awhile but it was Internalized Homophobia)

he grew up in a very conservative family so to see the world completely differently by meeting red, ems (lt), pink and stacey was a very good thing for him. unfortunately even tho his family did love him, it was conditional so they stopped talking to him after he came out. thankfully he’d already graduated high school by that point

despite being emotional blue isn’t very good at understanding how he’s an emotional person. he’s able to distinct one feeling from another and analyze them, but it’s just... hard for him to kind of. process WHY he feels a certain way? which is what’s led to a lot of his struggles in getting closer with ppl

he loooves reading and writing we already know this but i mean come on. he also got a bachelor’s degree in english/ela. so he’s able to become a teacher ig but he doesn’t really want to? at least not for awhile yet

blue was ems’ first friend. at first he couldn’t understand why they had tics but decided he shouldn’t get into someone else’s business. he didn’t find it weird, just cool!

he and red would always pair up for projects if they had classes together!!!!!! blue would do the writing/research and red would do the illustrations. they always turned out really good even if it ended with red cramming it at the last minute

surprisingly hates broseph more than red. well i mean its not surprising, because broseph was always a huge DICK to him

blue’s real name is wyatt!!!!! i forget the meaning but i felt the sound of it and the meaning fit him well

piiiiink!!!!!!!!!!

she’s still in college, getting her doctorate to be an astrophysicist!

pink is very very smart and will help anyone who’s struggling with something in school. she was basically the genius who always got in the honor roll every year. but, she actually was really anxious especially with exams

pink encourages stacey to go back to school, and sometimes stacey does, but she always ends up leaving again. it’s a little stressful but pink has hope for her

she’s never drank one sip of alcohol in her entire life. she smoked weed once, but it felt weird so she didn’t do it again

ever since she and blue broke up she’s been very supportive of him bc she herself is bisexual!!! so she sees nothing weird about it. in fact, about almost a year later she started dating stacey

pink’s real name is lily. when she became friends with blue she met red through him and she was like “can i join your nickname thing” and they said “sure” so they called her pink. stacey sometimes calls her pinky or just pink but mostly lily

pink helped red with academics. even tho he was sometimes insufferable to work with (/j thats a Joke i promise she’s a very patient person) she didn’t give up on him!!!! in return he helped her out with some fitness stuff cuz pink was always insecure about gym, and later when she graduated she actually got into exercising bc of red!

she loves travelling and going for walks. she owns a lot of houseplants and she’s given them all names and takes very good care of them! she also owns an albino ball python named Velvet

STACEYYY!!!!!!!

stacey is nOT actually all about sex this time ok. i don’t like that. i mean she did have some personality in canon but it wasn’t much? anyways she just really likes to express herself thru tight/”risque” clothing like fishnets and leather and pleated skirts and thigh-highs and platform boots, all of that. basically she’s a goth girl but doesn’t really “act” like one

she’s really intelligent when it comes to animals and insects and will tell you anything you need to know. when she goes back to college she gets a degree in environmental science

stacey can play the electric and bass guitars!!!! she was in a band back in high school but it never really went anywhere beyond performances at parties in someone’s garage. not that she didn’t like it, looking back on it makes her feel happy, but she wished it continued. probably why she has a hard time going back to college bc she’s not sure what she really wants

stacey is a trans woman btw!!!!! unfortunately it was a little difficult in high school to be who she was bc some kids were jerks, but there were a lot of others who supported her which is good

she views red as her brother as well and they still hang out a lot

i haven’t really had time to focus on stacey and make headcanons and stuff for her so i don’t have a lot but... let’s say, secretly, she’s a scifi nerd. and for the sake of debate, let’s say she’s a marvel fan. if you count being a fan of deadpool as being a fan of marvel

LOVES GIRLS.... loves pink!!!

has very similar music taste to red’s!!!!!

emssss!!!!!!! (lt)

instead of being a stereotype of ppl with tourette’s syndrome, it’s just a normal thing that isn’t focused on a whole lot. it doesn’t make ems swear but if they get really really frustrated they’ll curse while doing one of their tics

ems is agender, i’d say they’re also ageless but i don’t really want to make them too “nonhuman” because i feel like that’s dehumanizing to people with tourette’s. so let’s just say most laws of existence don’t apply to them

they’re very friendly!

they’re an aspiring musician, just like in canon

ems is also big into horror movies believe it or not. they’re pretty critical of them though like most horror movie fans, and only like specific ones (i’m not a horror movie fan myself so i can’t say what Specific Ones they like ajsdhbjn just imagine they have good taste okay)

they r very artsy too and like doing crafts cause it gives them something to focus on. it’s just a hobby though it’s not something they’re Professional at

they love nature and flowers and trees and all kinds of plants and animals!!! they like to document what they see when they travel thru nature and stuff so they bring a camera with them (and their phone, but, you know whatever)

ems was never really affected by things people said to them regarding their syndrome. to them it was something they were born with, so they couldn’t bother to feel bad about themselves. in certain situations theyre able to control it but 90% of the time they don’t care about what ppl think

aaaand there u go!!! as for minor characters like raccoon, jason/trollz0r, broseph, dingleberry, they all exist (raccoon isnt a racist stereotype tho), i just dont focus on them a whole lot. most of my hcs for stacey and ems here were thought up on the spot since i havent had time to lay out all my ideas for them but i hope what i have here is good !!!!

also, red and blue ARE dating, and pink and stacey ARE ALSO dating. gay rights

#asks #dick figures #Anonymous

[shoezuki]

So this is the second time im writin this shit out but. I been thinkin a shou n ritsu bein nonbinary A Lot so im gonna write it again but uh

Heres some nonbinary shou n ritsu hcs cuz why not

Shou his Whole Damn Life was Very defiant of any like. Gender based expectations and the 'girls do this guys do that' bullshit

Didnt have any support from his parents. Didnt know the Vocabulary for how he was feelin, his identity

You Know touichirou wouldnt know Any trans terms and identities fuck that cishet

Shou always Knew he wasnt a boy. More in a sense of 'im just shou' and leavin it at that most his childhood. He had other things to worry about

Wasny until after the world domination arc that shou Really had the mental space and time to consider himself more

Hes never been Uncomfortable being seen as a boy, per se. More because He knows who he is, hes sure of himself, thats what matters

He doesnt fuck w labels. Doesnt give a shit what pronouns r used for him. Just refers to himself as Nonbinary cuz he doesnt Feel like hed need to fit himself into a more specific label, that his gender or how he Feels bout it changes

At some point just got used to doing 'boy' things cuz thats what touichirou expected of him and like. Was Very Adamant on shou 'acting like a boy'

One day shou is just hanging out post wd arc, and he is just like 'wait a fucking second'

Queue shou having a pink phase. Hair pink. Nails always painted. All kinds of sparkly hair clips. Makeup and skirts. He starts messin round w what he wants to wear and how he wants to present himself and expression

Doesnt consider himself to be Masculine or Feminine. He doesnt fuck w that. What he wears and does is just Things he Likes. Him wearin skirts isnt Girly. Or him wearin scuffed up sneakers isnt Boyish. Its Him

As i said before. Pronouns are Whatever. But serizawa has had to calm shou doen Many times if someone specifically refers to him as a 'boy' or a 'girl'. He is willing to get into scraps for that without a doubt

Serizawa and later Ritsu are the Only ones to really Know hes nonbinary

Moreso he just doesnt care or ser a point in like. Explicitly Coming Out to ppl. He things its unnecessary. So if its not brought up casually, he says nothing bout it

OH and shou didnt come out to ritsu until like. Two months into them dating

And it was like. A Realization one day. That ritsu Probably thinks he's dating a boy. Esp since ritsu is gay. And that Bothers Him

Ofc hes not gonna like. Let it Show that it bothers him

So the whole Coming Out thing was nasically like. They were having one of their Videogame Nights. Its late as all hell. Ritsu is gettin his ass kicked half asleep beside a rabid shou.

Hou just blurts out like 'oh by the way im not a boy im nonbinary so like. Yeah'

Shou voice: oh cool thats out and done cool

Ritsu voice: wait a second hold on hold on HIM TOO????

And like. Ritsu fuckin Freezes. Absolutely shocked. Pauses the game and looks at shou like "oh my god im not a boy either"

Queue a lot of screaming, loud yellin, things flying round the room, ritsu's parents losin their shit, the works

For ritsu being nb and Realizin hes nb was really different

He knew from the get go he wasnt a girl. As soon as he could he rejected 'girly' things and bein labeled as a girl

His family, as Soon As he said 'im not a girl', they were like 'oh okay son :)' and supported him

But like. Even tho ritsu was definitely more comfortable w masculinity n being seen as and called a Boy it still didnt 100% feel right

But again. Motherfuckers dont talk bout nonbinary genders (assholes....) so he didnt have the Words to say how he was feelin. Plus trying to argue that No he Wasnt a boy completely would get his parents confused

It seemed to him it was Either youre a Boy or a Girl so he chose boy.

Even when he looked into it himself, never really Vocalized his identity. Wouldnt even refer to himself as nonbinary in privacy. Didnt come out to his parents or brother

Ritsu is a demiboy, altho im not 100% sure on what identity and amd considerin maybe he'd be bigender? Hmmmm

He Did put a lot of thought into it. More so like 'im going to do this and wear that and express myself like this when i move out' kind of thinking

Like. He put A Lot of thought into his gender

Doesnt mind being seen as a boy. Its more comfy. He goes by he/him and they/them.

When shou came out to him it was the Wildest thing for them. Ritsu never knew anyone else to be nonbinary. Shou technically knew minegishi but he couldnt hold a convo w them without staring at their lack of eyebrows and gettin weirded out by it

'So if youre gay And nonbinary does that mean you only like other nonbinary people? Or like. Is that how you found me ritsu? You were drawn in by my wicked good looks and nonbinary vibes?' Ritsu, who has spent nights awake wondering just this 'i like boys and nonbinary ppl dipshit'

They really help each other open up about their genders. Like shou becomes more vocal about Not Being A Boy, even if its just w jokes. And ritsu feels so much more at ease. Somethin about havin the fact that Hes Nonbinary exist somewhere else outside of Just his mind is warm feeling

Gender Talks between them contain a lot of 'oh my god ME TOO' and 'oh wow same???'

#ritshou #mp100 #mob psycho 100 #ritsu kageyama #shou suzuki #my writing #headcanons #im tired as fuck goodnight #this was all written on my phone so sorry the formattin is shittu #i never really Publically like. hc characters as nb or trans besides just 'oh theyre nb' #cuz like i always am paranoid ill Say Something Tr.ans.ph.obic for some reason #like. i guess its cuz on Multiple occasions. esp w my ex. if id talk bout my Own experiences id get 'corrected' or told im Wrong #like i Still remember. how i consider that i Was a girl at onr point. my ex flat out was like 'uhm you mean BEFORE you came out right :))))' #but yeah. here have these hcs. shfkshfkdhdl #if i get coldfeet ill delete it

[calm-me-down-oh]

How about all the questions ;)

skdsjf ofc u would get me back for that, under a readmore bc theres a lot!

When was the last time you masturbated? Yesterday! Had a.. very hot convo w my gf

Do you enjoy being fingered/fingering? Uhh the only time Ive had it done to me the person had to stop bc they got uncomfy with it and it was overall just a bit odd,, wait it happened a second time and their nails were too sharp also sdkfhsdh I feel like I could get to like it though? If its like, actually properly done rather than my current experiences sdhfk

How do you feel about food during sex? nno thanks mostly? I guess it can kinda depend on the food though idk, like if my gf suggested somethin I might not mind trying it out depending on what it was yknow

What do you do directly after sex? um.. well afaik just kinda lay/sit in a daze for a moment, mayb have some water, get real clingy, kind of have to be nudged into doing stuff bc i guess my brain just stops working skjdfkj

Cuddle with the tip in? Hell yeah. cuddle with it all in. sounds good.

What’s the nastiest sexual thing you’ve done? I don’t think I’ve really done anything nasty sdjkfsj all the sex ive had has been quite brief and vanilla idk

Name a follower you would fuck. @you-better-make-me!

Name a follower you have fucked. None..

What’s the sexiest part of your body? Idk man I guess my thighs are ok people seem to like them anyway

FuckMarryKill: DJ Khalid, Rick Ross, Fat Joe Am i supposed to know who these people are

Would you ever be with a trans person? i think the real question is would i ever be with a cis person (yes i would be with a trans person i am with 2 trans people and i am trans and i havent dated anyone cis since i was like 15)

Riding dick or doggy style? yes

Ever fucked in a school? Nope

Most random place you’ve had sex? havent really had sex in a random place lmao just beds

Would you ever be part of the mile high club? maybe..? thats having sex on a plane right. idk. maybe

Name three of your spots. what does this mean fkjd

Fuck on the first date? Depends

Do you suck dick? I’m sure gonna try!

Do you eat ass? Idk maybe not skdfjhsjk

Do you eat pussy? Haven’t yet, nearly did, got too nervous sdkjfh

Do you like kissing? So much!!

Is farting during sex sexy? I.. I mean its not sexy but like im also not gonna have a negative reaction. unless its me. that is something im admittedly very nervous about fkjd

Ever fucked in the shower? Nope

How old were you when you lost your virginity? Uh............ good question. 19 or 20 i forget if it was before my birthday but within the last year. unless you only count penetrative sex, then I haven’t yet

Do you prefer sex in the morning, afternoon, or night? Y..yes? I suppose afternoon/night is usually a better time, morning is jsut sleepy and trying to remember how to exist hours

Do you like drunk sex? Haven’t had it but I do get horny when I drink, wouldn’t be against trying it with someone I trust

Do you like high sex?  Again never had it! And I haven’t really been high either so Idk

FuckMarryKill: Nicki Minaj; Cardi B; Kash Doll N..none for any

When was your first kiss? I was like 13 I think

How did you meet the person you lost your virginity to? College

Have you ever faked an orgasm? Nope. Wait maybe. Kind of. Idk when I was younger I was with this guy who would try get me to touch myself n I hadn’t figured out how to make it feel good so I’d just lie and say I was when i wasnt bc i didnt wanna do it so maybe at some point i said i came when i hadnt sdfhks

Ever painted/been painted on? Yeah but not in like a horny way, my ex would paint on my hand as kinda their way of flirting with me

You like sex toys? Sure

What’s your favorite sex position? Personally think missionary is underrated bc that closeness and being able to cling just sounds v good but also getting fucked from behind face down ass up also sounds,, v good lately

Sex on a bed, couch, or floor? beddd, maybe couch, floor just seems uncomfortable

Do you like car sex? Never had it, just seems a bit awkward but I guess I’d be open to trying it

You get instantly horny; what happened? My neck got bit!

FuckMarryKill: Trey Songz, Chris Brown, August Alsina. Kill chris brown. idk who the others are

Describe your crush. Don’t have one!

Woukd you ever be with someone with an incurable STD? Uh... Idk? I mean, theres preventative measures for basically all std’s right? So as long as those are taken so i dont also get it I guess it’d be ok

Rate your head game. No clue dkfhdsj

Rate your sex. Awkward!

Would you fuck someone outside of your race? ?? yes. what kind of question is this

Describe the type of freak you are. idk what this means but what first came to mind was ‘pet’ so take that as u will

Ever tasted your own nut/cum? Sure

Into golden showers? Nope

Body count: Under or Over 25? Wayyy under

How do you feel about nipple play? Uh depends! Not into being harsh like clamps etc just seems like itd hurt n not in a good way, but playing w/ them w ur hands and sucking on them. very good

Where do you like to be nutted on? chest/stomach seems good

Which are you better at: topping or bottoming? bottoming

What do you consider “too small?” Idk man dick is dick idc

Is play fighting foreplay? It sure can be!

Do you like angry sex? In concept maybe, in reality itd just kinda scare me

How long should a quickie be? Idk.. quick

How long is “too long” to have sex? Idk sex ends whenever one of u wants to stop, don’t think u can go too long if ur both comfortable with it

How long is “too long” to go without sex? Listen i.. am not the person to be asking this I’ve had sex maybe 3 times spread out over almost a year. i have never regularly had sex

Is “no” relevant in a relationship? Incredibly relevant!! Always!! Unless you’ve discussed beforehand that its ok to ignore it and have a safeword in place instead!! and then that safeword is not to be ignored!!

Do you believe in no-strings-attached sex? Sure but idk if i could do it

Would you have sex in a public bathroom? mmmaybe....

Would you have sex in a changing room? mmmmmmmmaybe

Who was the last person you had sex with? My ex

Describe your type. Idk I have the weirdest type i think they have like nothing in common then theyll all turn around and be into the same stuff or something its v strange

Name 3 turn-ons. Biting, just making out sometimes tbh, skin contact in places usually covered by clothes or under clothes..

Name 3 turn-offs. Umm. i definitely have turn offs but whenever im asked my mind goes blank. I guess being overly rough, hair pulling im undecided on tbh, and oh i usually dont like having my ass smacked but idk if itd change if it were like.. in the middle of sex

Name something that would make you stop in the middle of sex. Bad pain or panicking or it seems like the other person is uncomfortable. or someones knocking on the door for some reason sdkfjs

Would you answer a phone call during sex? no omg

Would you ever pay for sex? Nah.

Would you accept money for sex? Uh. Maybe? Wouldnt ask for it tho

How do you typically feel after sex? Mostly affectionate and good, but w the last person i was with sometimes it seemed like they just wanted it over and done with so i would get kinda nervous and guilty over that,, idk

Do you like your body? Nah

Ever sent nudes? Yep

Have you ever cheated on someone? Yeah he was abusive

Have you ever been cheated on? Idk, maybe, wait i think the guy i cheated on tried saying he cheated on me too but idk if he was just trying to get back at me so

Would you have a threesome? If I trust the people sure

Would you have a foursome? Same as above

Would you take part in an orgy? Uhh idk maybe, same as above applies tho

Would you let’s train be ran on you? Again if I trust the people yeah sure

How often do you masturbate? Idk it really depends sometimes im really horny and its like daily maybe more than once a day and then sometimes i just dont for like. a while

Sex with the lights on or off? on.. how are u meant to see what ur doing otherwise sdjkhfs

Sex with music or tv in the background? Sure, idc really. Though i have a thing if its like.. kids stuff.........dont do that..........

Do you have a cousin you’d fuck if you weren’t related? wtf no

In your last relationships, rate the sex? Uhh... good? I mean, good at the time, though like i said sometimes felt a bit rushed, and that now makes sense and i have very mixed feelings on it but mostly guilt bc the person i was with has since said they werent really into it. so.

Do you sleep naked? Nah I at least have underwear on

How often do you go commando? Never

Are your nipples pierced? If not, would you get them pierced? Nope

Do you dive right into sex, or converse first? Uh, depends? Talking about it beforehand or even during can be good though. But i guess it doesnt have to be Right before it, it can be a bit in advance

After taking your clothes off, what’s the first move? Kiss.. touch,, etc,,

Do you make the first move? Um. w my ex i kinda had to bc as i said, i later found out they werent really into it. other than that i generally dont tho bc im very nervous abt all that, kinda especially after that discovery hdfbghf

Have you ever had sex with more than one person in a day? Nope

Do you like dryhumping ? Sure

Can you twerk or do a split on a dick? Probably not

Have you ever been recorded during sex? No but I’ve had a dream abt being recorded sucking someones dick it was weird

Do you watch porn during sex? W. who does that. how can u focus on that. why would u watch sex when ur having sex skdjfhsjdk

After fucking, do you try becoming friends with a one night stand? Never had a one night stand

What’s your kink? Praise! Marking! Collars!

Would you hook up with the same hook-up again? I don’t think i could have a hook up tbh so no

Ever made a relationship from a one night stand? nope

How romantic are you during sex? uh.. idk havent rly had chance to try being romantic during sex but soft sex sounds v good imo

Describe your sex in 5 words or less. in my experience so far? nervous and kinda awkward

#god rip to my gf when every question i answer abt what its like having sex w me is just 'uh! awkward!' #Anonymous

[jinglyjangly]

I hope what obsidian has learned from fnv, and i hope why they arent actually doing romancing companions even in new games, is that it has honestly been just a cheap cop out for videogame companies to bank on “shipping culture”. Bc obviously people are going to ship their ocs with npcs regardless, but i think that little incentive that its “canon” gets people really really obsessed. Even with fo4, it was obvious people dont really care about actual depth when it comes to a storyline/quest that’s specifically for getting to know them more at an romantic level because it was LITERALLY just a flirt button. Nothing changed if you romanced a companion or not,except for...some minor dialogue and a limited perk when you fall asleep near them. Yet people were obsessed with them being romancable, and even more obsessed with the humanoid companions that werent romancable.

But whats really important and keeps long term fans engaged is having a diverse, in depth cast. It felt obvious that the same people who are obsessed over “romancing” also dont give a shit about lgbt people because while i saw so many people/articles claim all the fo4 campanions are bi/pan, the only people i saw pointing out there isnt a single gay/lesbian person in the game were gay/lesbian/didnt care about romancing and knew what playersexual was. Honestly bi/pan “representation” doesnt matter if possible lesbian/gay representation gets snubbed for some cop out romance option that makes everyone “happy” since no ones “left out” of the option. And honestly, like, seriously, how do people not see making everyone playersexual or “bi/pan” as underline homophobic/biphobic? its literally saying gay characters shouldnt exist because straight people cant have them and saying bi characters should only exist if its for everyone. oldest biphobia in the book tbh 🙄

So I hope obsidian and obsidian fans realize that romancable companions aren’t necessary (and stop obsessing over that option) but lgbt npcs definitely are. And if they arent scrubbing their new games entirely of romance/sex completely (which would be weird tbh) then you cant just cater to f/m with full quests and sexual encounters but leave lgbt people, especially m/m, in the dust like they did with fnv. It really is telling when they have plenty of options for male PCs to sleep with female npcs, but no female npcs/lesbians exclusive to female PCs, and few male npcs for female and male PCs.

Idk i just love how fnv had a lot of casual gay npcs. The industry is really pushing boundaries lately with inclusion of lgbt npcs, and fallout had been the forerunner. So i hope obsidian goes above and beyond in their newst games when bethesda took 10 steps back with the fallout series...maybe even include trans characters...especially since interplay was cofounded by a trans woman to begin with :/