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vrishchikawrites · 3 years

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Its a prompt! (And dont worry about it, absolutely love reading your writing XD) Okay so dimension travel, so we all agree in a world where WWX was raised in another sect (like Lan/Nie) That he would be absolutely adored by them and everyone, healthy relationships( even Jin Zixuan and Wei Wuxian wouldn't be on a bad term much because no WWX JYL interaction) so! Canon!WWX from post ssc timeline gets transmigrated/summoned to one of these worlds where hes raised by either Lan or Nie so 1/2

They're a bit confused seeing WWX in black clothes, and seeing his gaunt/tired appearance and him being so on guard around them (since he's usually open and loved) that they ask him why is it so? Does he not know Lan Xichen/Nie Mingjue back from whicher place he came from, and Wei Wuxian goes 'Ive met them/we're not close' they ask 'sorry if its a bit personal but who were you raised by?' and WWX replies the Jiangs and cue everyone horrified cuz Jiangs areopen in their heavy dislike of WWX2/2

'It's my fault.' Nie Huaisang thinks as he frantically collects all the materials needed, 'It is my fault, I need to fix this.'

His er-ge was gone. His brother, Da-ge's pride and joy, the shining star of the Nie Clan.

Gone. Just like that.

One minute they're on an easy nighthunt and the next, Wei Wuxian is pushing him away to take an attack straight to his chest.

He knows his brother is gone. His body may be alive, but just barely. He's drowning in his own blood and there's nothing Nie Huaisang can do. There's no cognition in his eyes, that bright silver gaze is dull and blank.

He has to do something.

The ritual may not work. It came with so many warnings that Nie Huaisang lost the patience to read them all the way through. If something goes wrong, it goes wrong.

"Huaisang! What are you doing?!" Da-ge's voice is loud but Nie Huaisang doesn't pay any attention to it. The room is sealed and it would take da-ge some time to break through it.

"Nie Huaisang!"

Good, Lan Xichen is here. He'll take care of da-ge if something goes wrong.

"Huaisang!" There's a loud crash but he doesn't pay any attention to it, "Stop! Don't do something stupid."

"I need to save him. It is my fault, I need to save him!"

"Huaisang!"

There's a bright red flash and it drowns out everything.

---

Miraculously, he survives.

His fledgling Golden Core has shattered and melted into nothing, but he has survived.

And he has done it.

"Does your stupidity known no bounds?" Da-ge demands as Lan Wangji kneels by er-ge's bed and feeds him potent spiritual energy.

Wei Wuxian is alive. His cognition is intact and his Golden Core is stable but he's soaked in Resentful Energy.

"You destroyed your Golden Core, Huaisang! There's no recovering from it!"

"Wouldn't you do the same?" He demands, turning around to look at his oldest brother. He ignores Lan Xichen's alarmed voice and focuses on Nie Mingjue, "Is his life worth less than my Golden Core?"

Da-ge locks his jaw but doesn't reply. Of course, Wei Wuxian's life is worth more than a Golden Core.

"Huaisang," Lan Xichen sighs, "a-Xian wouldn't have wanted this."

"Look at Wangji-xiong and tell me that again." He says bluntly. He is tired and drained but no one can convince him that reviving er-ge wasn't the right choice.

Xichen-ge doesn't reply because no one can look at the devastated expression on Lan Wangji's face and say it wasn't worth it.

Huaisang doesn't feel the absence of the core as keenly as someone else might. He had only developed it during the Sunshot Campaign, after all.

He isn't like er-ge or Wangji-xiong, with their powerful cores and potent spiritual energy. The loss would've been devastating to them but is only an afterthought to him.

---

They realize something is off when Wei Wuxian opens his eyes and looks at them with distant wariness instead of familiar affection. He looks around and is instantly on guard, "Where... Why am I here?"

He looks directly at Wangji-xiong, "Lan Zhan? What are you... Have you brought me here?" He demanded, his expression shifting to something hostile, "Are we in Gusu?"

"Wei-gongzi," Xichen-ge calls for his attention, "I know you're very confused but please don't be alarmed. We're in your home at the Unclean Realm, not in Gusu."

Er-ge narrows his eyes and Huaisang recognizes that expression, even though it has never been directed towards them. A look of cool calculation as er-ge tries to decipher their motives. "My home?" He asks.

Wangji-xiong knows er-ge almost as well as they do. He reaches forward, "Wei Ying, let us explain, please."

It appears that this Wei Wuxian is just as vulnerable to Wangji-xiong as his brother had been because he softens immediately. His body is still tense but he seems to be willing to listen.

"You died in this world, saving Huaisang's life." Da-ge begins gruffly. Huaisang winces at the bluntness but er-ge seems to appreciate it, his sharp gaze focusing on their elder brother, "Yes, this world," Da-ge confirms, "Our didi decided he wouldn't tolerate it and decided to use one of our forbidden rituals to revive you. He didn't read things clearly. The ritual dragged your soul from another world and placed you in his body."

Er-ge's expression is skeptical, "Our didi..."

Wangji-xiong sucks in a sharp breath, "Wei Ying," His brother's gaze moves to his 'best friend', "You are Wei Wuxian, 23 years old, the Head Disciple of QingheNie Sect, the adopted younger brother of Nie Mingjue and older brother to Nie Huaisang. You were adopted by the former Nie-zongzhu when you were six years old."

Er-ge stares at Wangji-xiong in stunned disbelief but there's no denial in his expression.

No wonder, Wangji-xiong never lies. That must be true in his world as well.

"a-Xian," Er-ge winces and looks at Xichen-ge, "You need to rest and recover. Your Golden Core is stab-"

Er-ge gasps and immediately sits up, placing his hand on his chest. He closes his eyes and almost violently summons his spiritual energy.

"Wei Ying!" Wangji-xiong calls out in alarm but his brother doesn't pay any attention, his focus entirely inward.

"I have my Golden Core back..." Er-ge breathes, astonished but his skin goes white and he loses consciousness.

They exchange stunned glances before scrambling forward to check on him.

---

No one can deny Wei Wuxian has changed. It takes a month for his body to recover but his heart is still unsteady. He puts on every appearance of being alright, but Huaisang has grown up with this man. He knows something is off.

It is only when er-ge decides he needs to start training again that things start to become clear. Er-ge has trained all of his life to fight with a Dao. His movements are powerful and aggressive, designed to overwhelm the enemy.

Er-ge's mind, however, is accustomed to the traditional Jian. He seems to expect his movements to be lighter, faster. More agile and less powerful.

The dissonance makes him clumsy and he loses his first fight against Lan Wangji in a long time.

"Wei Ying?" Wangji-xiong frowns, "Your movements."

Da-ge has his concerned scowl on and he grabs Baxia, stepping into the training field, "With me, Wuxian."

This fight is faster and more brutal. Huaisang almost wants to protest but he can see er-ge adjust and adapt quickly.

His eyes gain a razor-sharp focus and his battle instincts come to the fore. "Good," Xichen-ge observes, "He's accepting his body."

Indeed, he is. Against da-ge's overwhelming force, there's nothing er-ge can do but react instinctively. They engage in several bouts and keep at it for over a shichen.

By the end of it, er-ge is exhausted but faintly triumphant.

"Lan Zhan, again!"

"Wei Ying, you need rest." Wangji-xiong says with a shake of his head, "Don't strain yourself."

"Why were you fighting like you wanted to wield a Jian, didi?" Da-ge asks sternly, "You were hesitant and weak in some strikes."

Er-ge grimaces and Xichen-ge steps forward. It has been over a month and though er-ge has seen how much they all care for him, he remains wary.

"a-Xian," Xichen-ge begins gently, "You weren't a part of the Nie Clan in the past, were you?"

Da-ge's scowl deepens at the thought of er-ge belonging to anyone else but them. They had suspected something like this, of course. But they had hoped that er-ge would've still been a part of the Nie Sect if not the Clan.

Er-ge remains wary but sighs, "No."

"Not the Lans," Xichen-ge observes astutely, "Not the Jins either. Were you a rogue cultivator? Or from a smaller sect?"

Er-ge studies him before shaking his head, "I was the Head Disciple of the Jiangs."

"What?" Wangji-xiong asks, his voice uncharacteristically sharp, "Jiangs?"

Da-ge looks furious and Xichen-ge seems pained. No wonder, given how... problematic the Jiang situation is. That family is entirely unsuitable for someone as loving and giving as his er-ge!

Jiang Wanyin is a complex mix of pride and insecurity. He lags behind all sect heirs, though Huaisang is fairly certain their batch of cultivators is particularly skilled. Er-ge and Wangji-xiong are exceptional in every way and Jin Zixuan is barely a few steps behind.

In the face of such competition, skilled but ordinary cultivators can't help but be overshadowed.

Jiang Fengmian, according to da-ge, is a meek little imitation of his former self. The man that pursued er-ge's mother had been strong and wise. He had the skill, political acumen, and grace to be an admirable Sect Leader.

His marriage to Yu Ziyuan ruined him.

And Yu Ziyuan is a nightmare. The one time she met Wei Wuxian, she had left such an impression that da-ge had cut all ties with the Jiang Sect until its Madam apologized to the Nie Sect Head Disciple.

That hadn't gone down well and the relationship between them is still sour.

"Do you want to return to them?" He blurts out, unable to help himself. If Jiangs are this Wei Wuxian's family then maybe-

"No."

They still because that's a very firm no. It is a complete and utter rejection of the very thought of it.

"No."

---

Getting the whole story out of er-ge is like pulling teeth but between Wangji-xiong's pleas, Xichen-ge's gentle questions, da-ge impassioned demands, and his own begging, they manage.

This Wei Wuxian doesn't love them yet but he sees their love for him clearly. That softens his heart and they get to hear every painful, excruciating aspect of his past life.

Wangji-xiong looks furious, da-ge paces, Xichen-ge is pale, but all of that doesn't matter.

He recognizes the look on er-ge's face. He has never seen it on him before, but he recognizes it.

Er-ge expects them to reject him. To abandon him for his 'sins'.

"Well, I don't have a Golden Core. Can you teach me Demonic Cultivation?"

"Huaisang!" Is yelled from almost every direction but he only has eyes for his older brother.

He sees those tired silver eyes study him for a moment before they soften completely, turning into the color of liquid moonlight. "You brat," Er-ge murmurs affectionately, "The thought of you wielding that power is nothing short of terrifying."

"But er-ge! Can you leave me defenseless, just like that? Don't you feel sorry for me-"

"Huaisang!" Da-ge snaps, "Stop trying to manipulate your brother!"

"Really, a-Sang, it isn't right for you to-"

Er-ge laughs. It's familiar, loud, and openly joyous. Silver eyes sparkle as he looks at them, "Don't worry, da-ge, he's a hundred years too early to manipulate me."

Wangji-xiong huffs, "Wei Ying."

"Lan Zhan," Er-ge teases, "How is that you manage to reprimand me by only saying my name? Shall I try it too? Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan!"

"And they're flirting again." He murmurs under his breath, drawing an amused look from Xichen-ge.

"Perhaps we really need to start betrothal negotiations," Xichen-ge says and da-ge scoffs.

"Not going to happen unless you're willing to part with your brother. Mine is my heir. He's not marrying into the Lans."

"Da-ge, be reasonable-"

Huaisang tunes them out and waves his fan in front of his face, his mind whirling.

He doesn't care about er-ge's marriage negotiations. He has bigger fish to fry.

Really, those Jins and Jiangs are getting too bold.

#short prompts #nie!wwx #wei wuxian #nie huaisang #lan wangji #lan xichen #nie mingjue #anti jiang cheng #anti jiang sect

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anarkhebringer · 4 years

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hi i'm back, can i get some more modern felix stuff please? just anything you can think of would be perfect!

Hiiiii nonny, welcome back~~~

But anyway yee, you may have a lot of random modern Felix stuffs. I’m always happy to deliver. I’m gonna try to not make it too long, but it’s already a mile long now by the time I’ve made most of the main points so I might as well just roll with it a bit. This is definitely gonna be a very long read.

Living with his aunt for the number of years he has eventually led him to developing an occasional southern drawl when he speaks, since his aunt has one. It’s a very rare thing though, and almost never happens. When it does though, he HATES IT.

The influences on his speaking from his aunt mostly shows in his wording of things, since sometimes when he gets spirited about something he says “y’all” and such all the time. One time when Sylvain was just being Sylvain, and neither Felix nor Ashe could calm him, Felix just muttered “y’all’re gonna bleed me dry someday…” Sylvain and Ashe thought it was the cutest fuckin’ thing, and Sylvain calmed down after that. Neither mentioned the drawl though since they quickly learned from hearing stories that Felix will get really pissed if you tease him about it or even mention it too much for his tastes. Which is just mentioning it at all.

He’s not easily scared at all, but just walking past him wrong can make him jolt from being startled sometimes. That’s something from his traumas that’s finally starting to come to the forefront that couldn’t before, since he could suppress everything that hindered his progress in combat, but he can’t do that anymore.

He’s gotten to be a person who can really enjoy his leisure due to his really deep dive into depression that happened after he got his ability to be in combat taken away from him. He and Linhardt could have had a competition to see who can fall asleep while standing up and stay standing the longest. He has medication that helps keep him awake enough to not be able to do that anymore though, but he has really bad insomnia now as a result of his completely chaotic and inconsistent sleeping schedule. His stress wrinkles in the inner corners of his eyes are completely covered by the dark circles under them now that really shows his wear and exhaustion.

He won’t at all complain if he’s given a task to do by someone that isn’t in his household, and it’ll keep his mind active and keep his mood in a positive place if he isn’t overworked. He does get drained way easier now though if what he’s asked to do involves socializing or interacting with anyone in any way too much.

When he’s drained socially, he becomes very aggressive and unstable. He’ll get like he used to be and completely isolate, and lash out if you interrupt what he’s doing and you don’t want to actively participate. He’d still get mad that you interrupted him though, and he probably won’t let you participate unless you’re among a certain handful of people.

Ashe and Claude are the only two people who don’t mentally drain him whatsoever, and he could see them literally every day if they wanted to do that. Ashe because Felix cares for him so much, and Claude because they’re so similar. He and Claude don’t drain each other because they can go literal months without speaking, then pick up on what they left off on like they only stopped talking for a day or two. Same with Ashe, though Felix becomes slightly noticeably more down and sad when he doesn’t see Ashe for too long a timespan.

He has a secret love of cuddling, and also hides his full support of platonic PDA, cuddling, and even kisses and such if there’s enough mutual trust between the ones involved. He’s very touch-averse and sensitive to others touching him, so he only really lets Ashe, Claude, and Sylvain touch him to show affection. Only Ashe can do much, and he only really tolerates Sylvain’s occasional one-armed hugs or quick pats on the shoulder as he walks by. Ashe however can hug him (after making his desires to do so known of course), hold his arms, and even his hands, since Ashe is the kind to show affection by physical means whenever he’s allowed to do so. They even cuddle at night when Ashe stays overnight at his apartment.

He actually lets Sylvain cuddle with him too when Sylvain really needs the affection during hard times, though he never returns it unless he does so while he’s asleep. It’s become a comforting thing to wake up to, feeling the warmth of Sylvain against him and his arms wrapped around Felix’s frame, even though Felix didn’t really want it to become that. At first, anyway.

His depressive rut wasn’t all bad in some cases, and because of the isolation he went into, he’s become extremely artistic and tech savvy since he didn’t have much to do to occupy himself. Being extremely brainy as is really helped him get going with these things.

He’s also learned to hack and code on the computer from that rut too, and he could get you into anything you wanted him to. He knows all sorts of ways to hide himself under all sorts of circumstances, and clear his tracks if he’s found, so he could actually be extremely dangerous if he were to use this knowledge and skill for anything shady. The most he uses it for is to make modifications to games and explore the Dark Web as anonymously as possible when his morbid curiosities get the best of him, though.

Well, there have been times where he’s used his skills to scare people. There have been times where people have threatened his friends (namely Claude and Ashe), and to scare the bullies off, he hid himself and hacked into their devices to make text documents warning them to stay away or else there would be trouble, because they’re always being watched. That always managed to scare them off on the first try, and he’s never done anything more than that, because there was no need.

He’s super protective of what few friends he has. He’d willingly put himself in danger for them all the time, unless of course they got themselves into the mess they’re in and he feels they don’t really deserve to be helped out of a situation that’ll be them learning their lesson. Otherwise, he’s borderline obsessed with his friends’ safety and happiness. It’s hard to really see that outside of sudden outbursts from him, since he’s so averse to socialization and unable to understand/express emotions well, but if he’s really needed and he can mentally handle it, you’d best believe he’d be completely focused on doing whatever he could do to help a friend in need for as long as they needed him.

Stuff like this has his friends really knowing who he is eventually, and he doesn’t like that. He’s actually really nice, but his way of showing it isn’t exactly common. Onlookers would think he’s just indifferent unless he’s feeling particularly chipper and/or manic, but his friends get to be on the receiving end of conversation and see him do more personal things compared to others, so they know he’s far nicer than even he thinks he is. He’s become oddly patient compared to his old self, and can hold a conversation for a while longer than he used to. If you get him talking about certain topics, though, you could manage to talk with him for literal hours on end.

He’s overall pretty chill now. Depression has taken the constant explosive anger out of him. He’s still always angry and bitter to some degree, but not to the point of lashing out at every little thing that upsets him. He’s still just as blunt as he was before, but he’s become a lot more passive-aggressive and/or condescending when it shows, instead of sudden outbursts and hurling insults around at all turns. And to those who have received both from him, the current version of his aggression hurts them a lot more, since he shows so little emotion during the times he throws something out to hurt them. All they see is (sometimes) in his body language, and the bitter fogginess in those eyes from how empty he’s become. Even his tone has changed. He’s not as aggressive sounding unless he’s more angry than usual, but he’s got a bitter tone. Or worse, he sounds almost monotone, like he feels absolutely nothing. If he’s got the tone of voice he used to have before, know that he’s on the verge of snapping and lashing out, and that goes from angry sounding to yelling at any time. And he yells loud.

He tends to cry a bit more than he used to now, since he gets overstimulated really easily. He can hold it in around other people most of the time unless it’s particularly overwhelming and getting even worse. It sometimes reminds Sylvain of when they were kids, but then he feels bad thinking of it like that since Felix has more going on in his head than he did back then. He’s trying to work on stopping that association, and he’s starting to get better at not thinking of Felix when he was a kid when he cries.

He used to parade around talking about how he wasn’t one to laugh and joke, but nowadays he’s not like that anymore. He still won’t joke often, and jokes go right over his head and he doesn’t get it and may ruin it usually, but he lets himself laugh at things he finds funny. Not around other people, though. Unless it’s from something else he finds funny, like a YouTube video. His laugh is like an odd mix between Vinny from Vinesauce, Bluesdank, and FPS Diesel. He’s the rare kind of person that’ll laugh in 10 different ways in one sitting and them all be real laughter. The sound of his laughter isn’t too consistent at times.

There’s another reason he can’t do much anymore aside from his depression, and that’s because a year or so ago he had a fit of smaller seizures that shocked his system really bad because of how long it lasted. After that, his mental regression that was already happening because of what he has has gotten much faster in its progression.

Despite these new growing limits he has, he’s still doing his best to keep going and existing on doing what he can do with what he has, and he’s shifted from being solely focused on a person’s skills in battle to how much heart they have due to it. He won’t care about combat skills anymore if you aim to impress him, he cares more about what you bring to the table. Your skills with a sword don’t show what you put your heart into in life and what you do for yourself and others. If you wanna impress him, give him a gift from the heart, not anything store bought. Do something nice for someone. Draw him a picture, write him a letter, pick him some flowers you think he’d like. Maybe take him to the park? Talk to him about your interests, voice your opinions on what you enjoy. Something that you can put your heart into, and I can’t stress it enough. He cares about a person’s core more than their fighting prowess now. He’s sworn off of focusing so much on fighting forever since he got the ability to do so himself taken form him, and he refuses to still dwell on it with others, too.

Alright, that’s gonna be where I cut it off for now. Hopefully that was a good read. I’ve made Felix go through some shit in this AU, but hey, he’s one of the characters I picked to put a theme of healing and strength onto, so I gotta give him some lore to get him to the point of being so different now. Plus a softer Felix makes me warm inside, so I wanted to incorporate that in, too.

#asks #anonymous #long post #Fire Emblem AU #FE Modern AU #Fire Emblem Three Houses #Felix Hugo Fraldarius #FE3H Felix #AU info #AU headcanon

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claud-iad-blog · 5 years

Text

Session IV - VII – The Free Flow Seminar

The Free Flow Seminar offers us BA students an opportunity to gather feedback and discuss potential BA topics while simultaneously getting to know our mentors better. The two day seminar was spent at the Atelierhäuser am Waldrand in Gockhausen. Amidst the forest and surrounded by farm animals, the wheels of the BA thesis project was set in motion.

Day I - The Fog Thickens

Foggy Ideas Before the Free Flow Seminar, I had spent some time looking into potential BA topics. I considered the subject of sleep, after having read the book “Why we Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams” by Matthew Walker (2017; Scribner) over the summer holidays. The book emphasised how important sleep actually was and how today’s society neglects its significance. I instantly felt drawn to this topic, as I am much interested in solving problems that may have a positive impact on people. Parallel to that, I had been in discussion with Stefan from Scientific Visualisation. We’ve participated in several interdisciplinary modules over the last two years and have found that we work very well together as a team. With this in mind, we are both interested in collaborating. We had only just recently picked up the conversion and had kept the subject open so far. But with the necessity from his side to work with a scientific collaborator, I was concerned that I may end up becoming the “tech-bimbo” whose sole job is to transform the project into an interactive exhibition or alike. Over the last few weeks, other ideas had also accumulated due to the theory modules. That Apple AirPods are being used by young teens to spy on others was a topic that I had not yet heard of and shocked me immensely at first. Maybe this could also be something worth looking into - in what form, I was not yet sure of. However, nothing had yet been set in stone. And with these few foggy thoughts in mind, I attended the seminar, not knowing what to expect.

The Walk The main activity of the first day consisted of a 2 hour walk. Its purpose is to encourage first conversations with mentors and other students; to ignite and develop first sparks of inspiration. I initially expected the walk to be somewhat awkward and forced, having to approach the mentors and talk to them about our basic ideas. But I was surprised to find that it was not the case. The conversation flew rather freely and comfortably, a refreshing approach to initiating a tête-à-tête with a mentor.

The conversations I had were very thought-provoking. I brought the subject of sleep to Joëlle and later on to Luke. Their comments were encouraging, but somehow didn’t reassure me. I realised then that I hadn’t yet been able to figure out what exactly I wanted to achieve with the topic. I was still stumbling in the dark. Now, retrospectively perhaps, I think I could sense some uneasiness towards the topic at the time. There was nothing to dislike about it, both Joëlle and Luke encouraged it, but nevertheless, I didn’t feel more confident in the topic afterwards. In fact, by the end of the day, my insecurity grew. Towards Luke, I also shared the idea of dealing with the AirPods-espionage. He instantly showed a lot of enthusiasm, saying that it’s a very interesting topic. Instead of depicting the surveillance by governments and companies, I could shed light on the communal surveillance - that by our friends, neighbours, acquaintances and strangers. It’s not necessarily a new phenomenon (listening to other conversations by pressing your ear against a door for example has always intrigued us), but I could show how modern technology enables us to conduct surveillance more easily. I, myself, started to share his enthusiasm. Shortly afterwards, however, I wondered whether it was too abstract - or to be more specific, maybe just a bit too abstract for my liking. I realised then that I wouldn’t enjoy following an abstract BA thesis topic. Naturally, some freedom for experimenting and discovery is of necessity for a creative process. Nevertheless, I am leaning towards following a topic with some set target on its horizon to which I can set my course.

Once having returned from the walk, Joëlle shared two different types of advice to the whole group:

“Consider what you want to learn over those months. Are there new tools, methods or knowledge that you want to acquire?”

“Keep in mind what you want to work as later? In the past, some students have found job opportunities via their BA work.”

Both of these comments really resonated with me. So far, I had focused on finding a topic which I could see myself enjoy working on for 6 months. But I had completely disregarded the fact that six months are a long time and offer a great frame to try out new things and to learn something from scratch. And in that moment, I suddenly felt completely lost. My thoughts and feelings were in total disarray. It’s not that the talks hadn’t helped me. In fact they’ve been really useful, however, not in the way I had initially expected.

Lost With this new sense of being lost, I sat down to participate in the next exercise: we were instructed to continue our discussions with students and mentors alike with whom we’ve not managed to have a chat with yet, while simultaneously sketching these out on paper. As I felt rather discouraged, I became rather reserved, mostly also because I didn’t quite know what to say. I desperately felt like I needed to sit down by myself and sort my dishevelled thoughts.

Nevertheless, I managed to chat to Martin. Having just been influenced by Joëlle’s previously shared advice of doing something “work-related”, I expressed my experience and interest in human-centred design, innovation, design sprints, design thinking and service design. I explained that I would very much like to continue pursuing these aspects, but couldn’t quite imagine how. Martin pointed me to a previous BA project by Nora Gailer and Mona Neubauer called “Pop-Up Forum”. They had worked closely with developing methods for communal discourse - he advised me to look into it, saying that such formats can also be followed as a project. To a certain extent, I felt a bit reassured by this suggestion as it showed me that a purely “method-based” approach could be something to consider too. Additionally, Martin recommended me to think backwards. What would I like to exhibit at the BA exhibition in June? How should it look like at the end? Maybe that could help me to find my path and interest.

Day II - Stuck in Mud

The second day of the seminar was intended for delving into the topics and ideas previously discussed the day before. This wasn’t of much help to me. Over the last 24 hours, I had pretty much discarded the two topics of sleep and the AirPod-surveillance. The former because I no longer felt confident in the subject itself, the latter because I considered it too vage for my liking (maybe this was a bit too hastened but I believe it was my gut feeling that urged me to do so). Nevertheless, I participated, half-heartedly did a performance and later on wrote a few lines upon the subject of sleep. But I felt stuck. I desperately needed to spend some time to look over everything that I had gathered over the last few hours.

Post Seminar - The Fog Breaks

During the seminar, I felt like I was going backwards than actually forwards. I returned home with questions instead of answers. A thick fog had settled over my thoughts. But since then, I’ve had some time to reassess my ideas and impressions of the seminar. I’ve come to realise how helpful the first day especially was. Sure, I had no topic to show afterwards but I’ve managed to identify some criteria for myself:

Having a topic that I enjoy working on is a good incentive, but I think it shouldn’t be the only criteria on which I should base my search on for the BA thesis.

I am more and more inclined to follow a project with which I can learn something new. Six months are a great period of time to acquire new skills. In concern to what I had just mentioned above, this could be a second incentive.

I’ve come to realise that I don’t want to deal with a subject that is too vague. I need something to look towards to throughout my process. Maybe Martin’s suggestion of thinking backwards could help me there.

I should trust on my gut feeling. If I’m uncertain about something already now then I should probably not go for it.

Use current interests as a foundation for the BA thesis. Focusing on something that already interests me should help me find a topic that I’m motivated and encouraged to pursue.

If you’ve managed to read through all this blog entry on the seminar - congrats! I myself am surprised how much I had to write on the seminar - while writing, I suddenly realised that there was much to think about and share. Therefore, writing has helped me quite a bit. I’ve revisited my uncertainties and confusions, have reshuffled questions and answers and managed to structure them more clearly for myself. I can tell that the fog is slowly lifting, but it will still need some time until it’s fully gone. But honestly, I am happy with that.

Big thanks to Fiona Good for allowing me to use some of her pictures.

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myrishspell-blog · 5 years

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Statement of Intent: Mastery Journey This journey is a start to a lifetime achievement. I plan to own and operate a music venue that will offer lessons to disadvantaged students and create long lasting relationships in the community. In doing so, this will bring a sense of hope and security for these students, giving them solace that any dream they dream is possible. Over the next 12 months, I intend to implement a plan of discipline and passion that will help me move to the next active step in my journey: pursuing a job within my field. As I pursue this degree online, I also plan to actively seek mentorship that will guide me through how to achieve this. I will continue to perform and teach but I will also explore options for a new job in my field such as executive assistant, a&r specialist, or creative director. I do not have experience in these fields but obtaining my master's degree can compensate for that as I will have more concrete knowledge on this subject. Taking this step will leave room for growth and hands on experience that will be applicable to my business. I hope to learn valuable skills that will push me to the next phase of my journey. Understanding how to interact with business and negotiate contracts will be of great use to my goals. Learning how to develop my brand will also help in understanding my target market as well as developing a loyal relationship with customers. Valuing my own personal development and working to better myself throughout this experience will boost my self-confidence and allow me to learn more about myself and how I manage situations. In gaining this insight, I plan to achieve this childhood dream of being my own boss and spreading wealth all around me via performance and music education. Mastery Journal: Project Management Planning this project has opened my eyes to even more possibilities on how I choose to execute this goal. My original objective is to create a music venue where students are able to participate in master classes with visiting artists. During the week, the students facilitate the jam sessions, and on weekends, artists visit to perform a concert and teach a clinic to members of Rea’s Corner. This idea is still in the works, but when creating the project plan, I envisioned the concert being exclusive in order to build rapport and tenure for the venue. Releasing the performing artist details hours before the concert/clinic is scheduled will create a unique environment for everyone participating. It will be exclusive to members, building a relationship that will carry the business on its shoulders. This course made me open my eyes to different possibilities of what could be Rea’s Corner. Working throughout this plan has taught me how plans can be modified and should be until you’ve molded exactly what you plan to offer the world. The tools taught in this class will definitely be a guide in bringing this project to life. Understanding the different PM methodologies will cater well dependent upon your project. I feel running a music venue works well with Agile methodology as there is something always subject to change. Furthermore, testing it at each stage guarantees that you’re correcting mistakes as soon as they are made. The turn-around for this allows you to quickly identify the problem so that it doesn’t tremendously affect the timeline of the project. The skills I have learned during this class will transfer over to my day-to-day routine. This class has taught me that planning is essential to productivity. Creating work breakdown structures and management plans are things to consider when achieving my short-term goals. It is a step in the right direction , and I’m looking forward to using the skills I’ve attained to push the dream forward . Mastery Journal: Business Finance This course was beneficial to me as it opened my eyes to content I hadn’t considered regarding my business. It also created ideas for me to consider in opening my venue. For example, I didn’t think too deep into the financial side of things because Ive always planned to hire an accountant. However, it would be nice to be familiar with the jargon of the business so I know whats happening. As a musician, too many people are only musicians and not business savy. I plan to be both. This class also opened my eyes to different ways the business could be started. I am a person of little patience, and I believe sometimes I overreach in believing whats possible in a certain amount of time. For the longest, I’ve had the vison of my business operating as a venue/studio from the very beginning. This is still my vision, but realistically I think I need to start my business solely as a venue to see how well received the business is in the beginning. Before this class, I never thought to start my business operations at home. If I start the business as a venue, it can start off as me renting a building once a month for a jam session for local artists while I still teach my private lessons at students’ homes. In that time, I can build rapport with the student’s parents as well as a relationship with the students. Also, I could gain a name around the community as someone hosting a session once a month for artists to share their creativity. By starting off slow, I am able to give myself time to truly gather what I want to see in the future for my operations. School is here to push us further and open your mind to ideas you wouldn’t have thought otherwise. This class did exactly that. In the future, if this is the best option to start my business I would certainly test it to see how it goes. If it doesn’t and I’m able to blossom right into my dreams, that’s awesome too. Just having the open mind to control patience and have several options will also be to my advantage as a person and business women. Mastery Journal: Digital Marketing My originals goals for this course were to effective run social media platforms, break barriers within my target market, and utilize brand development within social media. I believe some of my goals were met by this class. I learned how to optimize search engines to consistently get hits on my website. Learning about long tail phrases and how they impact search results helped me gain a better understanding as well as the use of keywords/phrases. In researching about competition, I learned what strategies worked for my business as well as what not to do. This course also gave me valuable information about my target market. As a teacher, I have more insight on the students I will be working with in New Orleans. Learning about the city’s demographics and challenges within their charter school system put a lot in perspective, and now I know how to approach my market and develop a plan that will gain access to them. I also gained insight into who my secondary market was. I was so focused on providing this venue for students that I totally forgot who my audience would be for concerts. Now, I know how to market towards music lovers as well. This information contributes to how I consider my marketing plan to include both markets. I found the marketing calendar to be very helpful. I’ll be able to keep track of performance - what we get accomplished and what we don’t. I am not great at planning, and this honestly will change my personal lifestyle as well. Also, learning about the different programs available for emaial marketing was interesting because I am able to relate it to what happens in life. The weekly email I receive from different companies about promotions track their performance just like I would. they track the amount of emails that are opened plus potential sales from promotions. It was cool to get the information and relate it back to things I see everyday. This class was helpful in my journey towards my degree. I learned worthwhile information that will play a role in how my business progress. Mastery Journal: Negotiating & Deal Making Going into this course, I expected to learn how to successfully reach a deal based off of respect and both parties receiving what they intended. So far, this course has helped me understand the jargon associated with negotiation and deal making. For example, I wasn’t aware of certain terms like bargaining positions or underlying interests. The different communication styles were very helpful to learn because now I am able to approach a negotiation with those in mind. I am able to observe how the other person in interacting so that I make the best choice in responding. Furthermore, learning about avoiding negative emotions can save so much time and respect within the negotiation. For example, if a person is responding in an unprofessional manner, I can mitigate the situation by acknowledging their point of view. Hopefully in doing so, they feel respected and we are able to reach a mutual agreement. This class can definitely help in real-life situations. Whether it is personal or business, it is good information to have so you’re able to handle the situation in a professional manner. For example, this past weekend I went to the French Market in New Orleans where I applied the information I’ve learned in this class. Observing the merchant’s communication style and understanding his position within the negotiation helped us reach an agreement where we were both satisfied. I also found that in learning how to negotiate, you have to make sure that you are not taken advantage of. You also have to acknowledge that there is a way for both parties to get what they want out of the negotiation. If these two factors are kept in mind, negotiations can be less stressful and easy going. This class has been eye-opening and I’m excited to go into negotiations with the jargon learned and the ability to make decisions confidently. Mastery Journal: Product & Artist Management This course helped direct me towards my passion. Not that I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but this confirmed it. I enjoy playing trombone, but I enjoy the business side of music just as much. This class pushed me to think more creatively about my business. For example, I was very lost in choosing what to do for my product planning project. However, it was the perfect time to brainstorm so that I may have grounding ideas when it is time to launch my business. It opened my to possibilities I hadn’t thought of, and I am grateful for it. During the course of the class, there was an assignment to evaluate two talent agencies. It was interesting to learn how two different business excelled at the same rate. I decided to compare a huge company to one that is just starting out, and despite their differences, both are successful. This exercise helped me understand the importance of experiences and connections. This second business that just started excelled so quickly because they knew what they were doing. They had failed enough times to know how to approach the business. As a small business owner, it is my responsibility to understand the industry and how i fit inside of it. This course will be great to reference when starting my business post graduation. I believe it has shaped my ideas how it could function if approached with the right intentions. Mastery Journal: Advanced Entertainment Law Upon entering this class, I expected to learn about different cases that related to entertainment law. I wasn’t expecting to research them myself, however it was more fulfilling. This in itself taught me how important it is to research information yourself so that you are sure that you have a reliable source. For example, if I contracted someone to write a jingle for my company, I would have to know if they used a sample in the recording so that I could acquire the proper licensing for that. It is my responsibility to know those details so that I hold myself accountable. This class was very useful to future endeavors. Whether I’m registering a trademark or in court for copyright infringement, I am now aware on how to approach it. So many musicians are oblivious to how the business side of the industry works, so it’s imperative to not be taken advantage of. This class also helped me in identifying different types of liabilities that my company could be responsible for. I gained understanding in how to be cautious when offering a service. The example used of the contest review shed tons of light on how you should approach your customers/future prospects. Learning about intellectual property and how it can be misused in crucial in this industry as well. In selecting the cases to research different court opinions, it was beneficial to see how the industry changed over time and how those different opinions were decided because of that era. Therefore it’s necessary to understand the history of intellectual property. Using what I’ve learned in this class will only further my success within the business. Mastery Journal: Entertainment Media Publishing & Distribution In taking this course, i thought we would discuss the generic ways of obtaining a record deal and how distribution works through a record label. I was shocked and when learning how to distribute and publish media as an independent artist. Learning about the different distributors definitely help in determining who I should use. For example, I’ve heard so much about TuneCore because it is so popular. So many artists I know use it. There have been several times where I plan on setting up my account with TuneCore to distribute my music. However, now that I know about DistroKid, it is to my benefit to use their service. It was a lesson in learning just because it’s popular, doesn’t mean it’s the best choice. This class has also taught me jargon I was not aware of. For example, writing the query letter was kind of difficult because you had to make it interesting enough for the viewer to continue reading. It was great practice in case I ever find myself having to write one. Preparing a press kit is something I’ve had to do for a while now, but there’s no such thing as too much practice. This course helped reiterate certain documents I would need in order to book a gig and introduced some new topics I have no experience in. Nonetheless, I’m excited to use this knowledge in the real world. Mastery Journal: Business Plan Development My original goal for this course was to go in depth about things in the business plan. For example, now that I know my target market, how do I reach them? What resources am I able to use to make my idea a little more tangible? Writing a plan will help me keep track of progress, but I would’ve liked to focus more on how to make these “plans” a reality. One part of this class that I really enjoyed were the motivational videos we watched of Jayson Whitmore. I think it’s very important to remain humble before and after your success. I think it’s crucial to your continued success. His approach on professionalism was synonymous with personality or a lifestyle trait. It’s something that should stay with you for your life. Showing up on time, being prepared, and having a good attitude should be things you strive for everyday, so to incorporate them in your lifelong dreams shouldn’t be a problem. It is definitely something I will take heed to. As an undergrad, I studied the same material, but I feel I have a clearer understanding of how I want to pursue my business. This class helped me shape my ideas at a more mature level, and that I am happy for. Mastery Journal: Final Project: Business Plan This program has shined a light on my ability to endure in the face of adversity. If I’m being candid, this program was a struggle for me. Although my grades were affected, I learned how to be resilient and push myself to focus when I was struggling mentally to maintain day to day life. Nonetheless, I’ve learned much about distribution. I’ve learned how to negotiate. I’ve learned how to understand my target market. I’m excited to release my music because of the information I was given through this program. I’m also excited to relay my first impression upon people. Because of this program, I am more prepared and learned about things that make me excited to get up in the morning to do my job. This class in particular brought all of the pieces together. Understanding integral components in the business plan is what will help me in my process of starting my business. For example, knowing that finances are what investors are interested in (which is valid) will make sure I approach this venture in the right manner. I’m thankful for this journey, and excited for my future.

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aliencrybby · 5 years

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Nov/Dec 2018 Monthly Tarot

1. The Chariot VII

2. The Emperor IV

3. The World XXI

4. 10 Wands (reversed)

5. 9 Wands (reversed)

6. 7 Pentacles

7. Page Wands

8. Queen Swords

9. The Magician I

Conscious (Ideas, dreams & aspirations)

Past: The Chariot

Present: The Emperor

Future: The World

Card 1, Conscious Past: The Chariot

The Chariot is a card of willpower, determination and strength. You have discovered how to make decisions in alignment with your values with the Lovers card, and now you are taking action on those decisions. When the Chariot appears in a Tarot reading, take it as a sign of encouragement. You have set your objectives and are now channelling your inner power with a fierce dedication to bring them to fruition. When you apply discipline, commitment and willpower to achieve your goals, you will succeed.

Now isn’t the time to be passive in the hope that things will work out in your favour. Take focused action and stick to the course, no matter what challenges may come your way – because, believe me, there will be challenges. You may be pulled in opposite directions and find your strength and conviction tested. Others may try to block you, distract you, or drag down the pursuit of your goal. But the Chariot is an invitation to draw upon your willpower and home in on what’s essential to you, so you can push past the obstacles in your way.

If you are curious about whether you have what it takes to achieve your aim or complete an important project, the Chariot is a sign you will be successful so long as you keep your focus and remain confident in your abilities. You need to use your willpower and self-discipline to concentrate on the task at hand. You can’t cut corners or take the easy route, or you will fail. Instead, see this endeavour as a test of your strength and conviction, and recognise that victory is within reach, but it’s up to you to follow through.

The Chariot calls you to assert yourself and be courageous. Be bold in expressing your desires and laying down your boundaries; otherwise, you will not get your way. You need to have faith in yourself and know fundamentally who you are and what you stand for (thus building off the personal belief systems and values established through the Lovers card).

In a very literal sense, the Chariot can represent travel, especially driving or taking a road trip. You may even be considering selling your home and buying an RV so you can head off and roam the country!

Source: ‘The Chariot Card Meanings’ by Biddy Tarot

This card speaks to me about the efforts I have made this year to fight for my career & artistic direction, particularly after a low blow in a menial job and finding myself unemployed 2 months after moving to a new area on my own. It also makes me think about the arduous process of my recent arts grant application which saw me putting myself out there by sharing my vision & ideas with other working artists & practitioners. The grant application-writing process tested my discipline & made me seriously contemplate my desires & motivations regarding my creative practice. I had to ask myself who I want to be as an artist & why? What do I want to achieve; how do I want to achieve it; what purpose does it serve? Which communities does it speak to & why? Completing the grant application & project outline meant actioning things I didn’t think I could do, contacting people who I thought were ‘out of my reach’ or ‘too important to talk to me’. That might sound like no big deal to some ppl; but as a working-class immigrant WoC outside the gates of accumulated privilege or white liberal arts circles of academia, this is a big deal. I had this division in my mind about who I was allowed to reach out to, what I had access to. I allowed myself to believe these lies due to repeated conditioning & systemically enforced idealogies. But I made it easier for it to permeate because deep down I feared my own failure/success. For a while now, I’ve been working to shift this perception. And I’m in the constant process of dismantling this ingrained colonialist idea in my life. Hopefully, my efforts can help others do the same too.

In a spiritual sense, I’ve done a lot of work to rise above & grow beyond the limitations of past traumas and hurts. I’ve worked this year like a dang boss to seek the roots of my anxieties & fears, in this life & in other iterations, addressing my experiences and the legacy of intergenerational trauma.

I’ve done an excavation of my dankest inner sludge built up from years & many years of traumas and bottled up hurts. I turned the soil inside my soul and planted new seeds of health, love, strength & courage. I befriended my shadows and learnt to trust my darkness as precious to me, teachers and friends just as much as my light.

Before the helm of the chariot are four figures, each with the face of a lion, a bull, a man, and an eagle… The figures represent the four directions and four corners of the physical plane that the Chariot traverses. The lion, bull, man, and eagle also represent the four fixed zodiac signs in astrology—Leo, Taurus, Aquarius, and Scorpio, corresponding with the four elements, Fire, Earth, Air, and Water. Fixed signs in astrology are the signs of divine order.

Source: ‘The Chariot with Benebelle Wen’ via Biddy Tarot

Card 2, Conscious-Present: The Emperor

So after so many years of hating on the Emperor, I decided to step up, take back my power and become the Emperor: I gave myself the position of CEO of my own life. I was to be my own Emperor. I stepped into the role with not very much confidence at all. I was like a Page of Cups work-experience kid, all nervous and knocking things over.

But when you embrace your inner Emperor, suddenly no one is there to judge you, reprimand you or roll their eyes when you spill your tea down your front. No one but you can decide how ridiculous or fabulous you are. Now that’s freedom.

Embracing my inner Emperor has given me courage, helped me to stand in my own power, allowed me to believe in myself and given me the drive and ambition to learn and develop the business skills I needed to take New Age Hipster from blog to successful business. And all with no one else’s approval needed.

The Emperor has taught me that although there will always be dumb council decisions, uni profs who don’t get your point and bosses on power trips, no one is in charge of my life but me.

The Emperor reminds us that we all have the power to rule our own lives. Whether we work for someone else, run our own biz or look after little ones at home. Whatever we do, we can do with the Emperor energy. Your boss may be a hard task-master, but he will never control your thoughts, what you have for lunch or how you spend your time out of the office. That’s all you baby!

The Emperor asks you to stand up to those who would try to pull you down by saying you’re not the boss of me, instead of blindly following someone else’s rule…

The Emperor understands that in order to be a successful leader of your own life you must balance the logical with the heart. You must follow your heart and work towards your dreams by taking focused action, having fab time management skills, get the work done, be able to minimise conflict and also gain the love and trust of your people (i.e. yourself).

So next time this guy comes up in a reading, don’t freak out that your boss is going to start being more demanding or that the new guy you just met is a total control freak. Perhaps it’s simply a sign from the universe for you to start running this ship that is your life.

Source: ‘The Emperor with Vix’ via Biddy Tarot

The Emperor card never really resonated with me either until I read this write-up. It’s so timely that he shows up as my Conscious Present card now when I’ve been thinking a lot about career direction, art practice, lifestyle & relationships, authenticity and basically: TAKING CHARGE OF MY LIFE.

Ofc the gears are always set in motion long before we feel any outward movement so it’s honestly impossible to define a clear start to this shift. Every experience is a lesson after all. But if I had to try, I’d say my 28th birthday marked the start of a conscious awakening. The Lion’s Gate opened and my spiritual ascension began. I felt the magic stirring. Looking back now, it’s so clear to me, that was the start of my levelling up. A new consciousness awakened like a new way of seeing — a way of sensing, really — though I know it’s always been inside me, just waiting until I was ready.

Now I’m at a certain peace with myself, where I’ve learnt to listen to the water and know it’s always flowing even when the surface seems still. I’ve journeyed inwards and pushed myself where I needed to. I’ve worked to forgive myself & others where holding on was holding me back. I wept, slept and waited when it was right to and stood to face my desires and fears when it was time. Now I feel ready for the next step and learning to glide. Continue with this work, commit, be courageous and before long, I have a feeling I’ll be learning how to soar and fly.

He sits upon a large stone throne, adorned with four rams’ heads (symbolic of his connection with Aries and the planet Mars). In his right hand, the Emperor holds an ankh, the Egyptian symbol of life, and in his left is an orb representing the world over which he rules.

He wears a red robe, indicative of his power, passion and energy for life. Underneath it, he wears a suit of armour, suggesting that he is protected from any threat (and any emotional response or vulnerability). His long white beard is symbolic of his age-old wisdom and experience, and along with his gold crown, he is an authority figure who demands to be heard.

Behind his throne looms a tall, impenetrable mountain range, signifying that he is backed by a solid foundation but resistant to making any changes unless he deems it necessary. Beneath the peaks flows a small river, giving some hope that despite his tough exterior, he is still an emotional being – it will just take a lot of digging and trust to open him up to his softer side.

Source: ‘The Emperor Card Meanings’ by Biddy Tarot

The Emperor points to the role of providing for family, protecting & defending loved ones. This is super in key with what I’ve been experiencing as an adult child this year in particular. A Gemini Moon child is said to often have difficult relationships with their parent/s (it normally says mother but I guess it means ‘caregiver you are emotionally closer to’). The Gemini Moon’s parent is normally said to have issues with mental or emotional instabilities (e.g. depression), often positioning the Gemini Moon child in the role of parent to their parent.

My mama raised me as a single mother, an immigrant with low socioeconomic status in a xenophobic society with terrible bias against Asian women. She raised me without a network of family to rely on in this country, though she has constantly done all that she can to help them in whatever limited ways from across the seas. She has survived domestic, psychological, emotional and financial abuse at my papa’s hands. Now she suffers from a diaspora which she cannot name. It affects her self-belief, her access to livelihood, work and friendships. But she is full of strength, joy, wit, love & laughter. She gets a real kick out of cooking and gardening. I believe she is a born creator.

My papa grew up traumatised by the Japanese occupation of Hong Kong in WW2 at a time when boys could not easily talk about their pain and men even less so. Throughout his life he has accomplished a lot and shared his wealth and prosperity with many of his friends & family who are in need or haven’t been as fortunate. Yet he has also led a life of his own emotional untruths. His relationship with my mama and the anguish it caused for his wife & sons has lived like a toxic elephant in his home all these years; and I don’t believe any of them have ever tried to look it in the eye. I know he has suffered emotional, financial and, it’s becoming increasingly clear, physical abuse, at his wife’s hands for close to thirty years.

Now as an adult child, I often parent my parents, specifically emotionally & mentally. I hope I give them some kind of spiritual nourishment giving them someone to talk to who will not judge them, but loves them & seeks to understand them. I was never ready before now. And yet now it seems to come with ease. It’s definitely not easy, but that’s difference between easy and ease.

You have a clear vision of what you want to create, and you organise those around you to manifest your goal. You listen to the advice of others, but you prefer to have the final say. Conflict doesn’t scare you, and you won’t hesitate to use your power to protect those you care about. And in return, those people will repay you with the loyalty and respect you deserve. Claim your authority as leader and influencer and don’t let others put you down.

This comes back to career/creative/life direction for me. I floundered about for so long finding work where I could hide my gifts & not risk my passions. I flopped about unfocused on a path I couldn’t find or follow. I ignored my skills, downplayed my desires, and sold myself short to match the unspoken expectations of others. I made myself smaller, made myself ‘easier’ to categorise as a ‘quirky Asian’ with a whitewashed tongue in order to make them feel ‘comfortable’. To be less of a ‘threat’ to their preconceived order of things.

Then for a few years I took the total opposite approach as I learnt more about the intersectionality. I would explore at people for ignorant opinions and take their views to heart (there are so many ways to respond instead of react). I called out every man & his dog for every racist, classist, sexist, gender-essentialist thing uttered — even if it was just for their sport and I was just amusement, even if I was upsetting myself, even if it was a total waste of my time. I don’t regret all of it though. I learnt a lot about myself in this period. And I will always stand in between rich yt folks calling the cops on elderly and disabled PoC. I will never let rich yt capitalist class-loving colonisers work me over and paint me as a bully for calling out racism in their workplace. I will never let those same colonisers get me to do their dirty work when trying to fire me for it. But the point is, I taxed myself dry. I needed direction, something productive to channel this into. I needed to face myself and ask, what’s the anger behind the anger? What lies behind the obvious? Figure it out, seek the source and figure out what ways exist within your power to address it.

I’m angry at the injustice, obviously. Angry at the enormity of these colonial, capitalist structures & even angrier at the passivity, denial and wilful ignorance oozing from cushy, comfy ‘nice’ folk with all the privileges in the world. But I can’t control any of that. I can’t control them. But I had let it control me.

What I needed was to take back control of my self. The things I can choose: my actions, my words, my thoughts, my energetic output, my boundaries. My connection to Sprit & this entire earthly universe. This is the fucking cornerstone of decolonising but it eluded me for years!

This year I began to interrogate my self with love & patience. I looked at myself & my hidden motivations with an unflinching eye. I didn’t aim to paint myself out as an intersectional WoC hero or a spiritual saint. I looked at myself as a complex human woman wanting to know her humanity better and realign with her Divine.

Among many things, I came to understand the best way to serve is by using our skills, talents & passions. That’s how we learn/unlearn and grow. It’s how we do our work here. As Diane di Prima said, “No one way works. It will take all of us shoving at the thing from all sides to bring it down.” We must all do our work in this fight for Earth & Great Spirit against the murderous systems of exploitative capitalist colonialism. We can only do it by living in authenticity & honesty in all things and in all facets. That means addressing our complicity, putting our flaws into the light and having the courage to create as a being rooted in Truth.

The Emperor reflects a system bound by rules and regulations. You create law and order by applying principles or guidelines to a specific situation. Create calm out of chaos by breaking down any problem into its parts and then mapping out the actions you need to take to resolve it. Be systematic, strategic and highly organised in your approach, and stick to your plan until the end.

The Emperor card also signifies world knowledge and expertise. Through the course of your life, you have gained valuable wisdom and life experience, and now you enjoy offering guidance, advice, and direction to someone who might benefit from it. You may be a teacher, coach, boss, or just a good friend who likes to take what you have learned and pass it on so that others can be as wise and powerful as you.

For me, drawing The Emperor in this spread is like a direct call to action. Step boldly into your destiny, bisssh!!!

Card 3, Conscious Future: The World

The spirit having form is a dance of sorts. It is the blending and sometimes the clash of different rhythms and desires. Our bodies crave comfort, our spirits crave growth…

The World Trump card reveals this vital and visceral integration of our passion and talents within the Mandorla, the blending of the two spheres of the Spirit and Human. The Mandorla (the elongated oval shape which provides the sacred stage for the World Dancer) is a sphere where the love of our own life gives and receives fully with the love of Life, the greater source and connection of us all. It is very much like the dancer becoming the music becoming the audience. It is the point of sacred merging and remembering. In some ways, the Mandorla itself is a world between the worlds. It represents that “orderly arrangement” of magic.

My very good friend Beverly Haskins once told me that the World card is essentially service. Once you have reached a certain prime and potential, it is important to give back to others. With the continuing journey of truly loving your life, help others with the love you do discover.

Source: ‘The World with Nancy Antenucci’ via Biddy Tarot

What a follow up to the previous card!! I talked about nurturing & cultivating passions & talents as the essence of our Divinity here on Earth and here she is singing her confirmation.

If the Emperor is about stepping into the role of Datu of my life, then The World is an invitation to dance in it.

The World card shows a naked woman wrapped in a purple cloth, dancing inside a large laurel wreath. She looks behind her to the past, while her body moves forward to the future. In her hands are two wands or batons, like the one the Magician holds. It is a symbol that what was manifested with the Magician has now come to completion with the World. The wreath is circular, symbolising a continual cycle of successful completion and new beginnings because, as the woman steps through the wreath, she is completing one phase but beginning another one almost straight away.

Around the wreath are four figures (a lion, bull, cherub and eagle), similar to those in the Wheel of Fortune. Both the World and the Wheel of Fortune speak to the cyclical nature of your life and your progression through its cycles. The four figures represent the four fixed signs of the Zodiac—Leo, Taurus, Aquarius, and Scorpio. They are symbolic of the four elements, the four suits of the Tarot, four compass points, four seasons, and the four corners of the Universe. They are here to guide you from one phase to the next, bringing balance and harmony to your journey.

When the World card appears in a Tarot reading, you are glowing with a sense of wholeness, achievement, fulfilment and completion. A long-term project, period of study, relationship or career has come full circle, and you are now revelling in the sense of closure and accomplishment. This card could represent graduation, a marriage, the birth of a child or achieving a long-held dream or aspiration. You have finally accomplished your goal or purpose. Everything has come together, and you are in the right place, doing the right thing, achieving what you have envisioned. You feel whole and complete.

Source: ‘The World Card Meanings’ by Biddy Tarot

Part of my vision of my life is one with community, healing, creation and reciprocal, self-sustained spiritual empowerment. I define myself as an artist and a person through this lens, even though at the moment I still feel like I’m in a transitional phase (forreal, when are we not tho). Relating this back to the Emperor once again feels like encouragement to find my bliss in new experiences, in rising to new challenges, in learning more, giving back more, and stepping boldly into my destiny.

Now, the World card invites you to reflect on your journey, honour your achievements and tune into your spiritual lessons. Celebrate your successes and bask in the joy of having brought your goals to fruition. All the triumphs and tribulations along your path have made you into the strong, wise, more experienced person you are now. Express gratitude for what you have created and harvested. Finally, make sure you don’t rush into the next big project; celebrating your journey will set you up for success when you are ready for your next challenge.

If you have not quite reached this point of completion, then you are very close! You may still need an added level of understanding to graduate to a higher level and enjoy real success. Look back at your past experiences and acknowledge how far you have come and what you learned along the way. It may surprise you to look back at your progress and see how much you achieved. This reflection may also be what you need to bring your project to its final stages.

If loose ends still remain, the World card asks you to bring them to completion. In doing so, you will clear the space for new beginnings and opportunities to emerge.

More literally, the World can mean world travel, particularly on a large scale. You may be lucky enough to embark on a six-month overseas trip, or are working, studying or living overseas for an extended period. This card reinforces Universal understanding and global awareness, and you will you will find a new appreciation for people and cultures from across the world.

P.S. YES PLS TRAVEL HMU

Material Realities: Current state, day-to-day life

Past: 10 of Wands (reversed)

Present: 9 of Wands (reversed)

Future: 7 of Pentacles

Card 4, Past Reality: 10 Wands (reversed)

Reversed, the Ten of Wands indicates that you are unnecessarily holding on to this burden when you do not need to. If you are feeling weighed down by your present circumstances, look at different ways you can lighten the load. Can you delegate certain tasks and responsibilities? Are you worrying about matters that do not concern you or cannot be changed? Do not become a martyr and take on more than you can realistically handle.

If you are going through a challenging time, then the Ten of Wands reversed indicates that this time will soon pass and you will feel less of a burden weighing on your shoulders.

You may be actively identifying those activities that do not bring you any value in your life and you are starting to release yourself from these unnecessary responsibilities. You may even be going through a purging process, clearing out old clothes and selling old furniture, in order to de-clutter and simplify your life. You will benefit from better organisation and prioritisation at this time.

Sometimes, the reversed Ten of Wands indicates that you are avoiding responsibility and making it even more difficult for others who must take on your share. Thus, the saying, “You have made your bed, now lie in it,” is very appropriate for this card.

Source: ‘Ten of Wands Card Meanings’ by Biddy Tarot

As I talked about in The Emperor, I used to burden myself with this self-appointed task of Racist Micro-and-Macro-Aggressions Officer, trying to ‘teach’ people who didn’t want to know, instead of concentrating on what I could do to feel fulfilment in the work to raise the global consciousness. I went through extreme burn out during this time, also relating to difficulties in my long-term relationship, feelings of isolation, smoking too much and just being generally unhappy without getting at the root cause. Since actively identifying what did not bring value in my life and actually brought pain, agitation and frustration into it, I released myself of them and freed up space in my soul for better things to grow.

Card 5, Present Reality: 9 Wands (reversed)

The Nine of Wands reversed suggests that you may be hesitant to make a long-term commitment. You may be feeling as if life is all work and no play, and you may feel overcome by responsibilities or a lack of support from those around you. You may also be lacking the necessary resources, such as finances, skills or time, in order to deal with the challenges head on. As such, you are hesitant to make any commitments in fear that your responsibilities will become all too much.

You may also be more inclined to be a little ‘on edge’ and on the defensive. The boundaries you have set around yourself are now becoming your cage, locking you into your old habits and behaviours. Be careful of dwelling on past frustrations and grievances. Just try to let go.

The Nine of Wands reversed asks you to be mindful not to make assumptions or hasty judgements. Lighten up a little and return to the Eight of Wands where you take life as it comes in all its various forms. Go with the flow and release yourself of the pressures you are feeling. A holiday or a break might do you some good where you can re-energise and rejuvenate yourself.

Sometimes, the reversed Nine of Wands can indicate extreme paranoia or even schizophrenia. You may feel as though you are constantly under attack or are being watched. Oftentimes, this is indicative of a fear from within, rather than an actual external threat. Counselling or psychological help is advised.

Source: ‘Nine of Wands Card Meanings’ by Biddy Tarot

I’ve experiences a few ‘firsts’ this year, working in box office & ushering at a theatre and as an artist’s model to make ends meet. I’ve also been working to cultivate and maintain relationships with arts organisations & practitioners in the hope that exciting opportunities might open up. This might sound simple enough but it’s pretty anxiety-inducing for me, having varying degrees of social anxiety and being born outside the privileged walls of capital-A Arts institutions & white academia.

On top of this, I’ve been working on illustration commissions and poster designs; trying to run my small online business; find employment as an arts worker with a living wage; as well as trying to organise my next videopoem & other video content — while also enjoying some cute social times.

This time last year, I moved further away from the city to a beautiful place where the rents are cheaper, the people are more ‘low SES’, a lot of the land hasn’t been built on (yet), and it’s easier to hear the spirits in the trees. This has been hugely beneficial for my development & overall health, but it’s a fair way to travel so I spend a lot of time at my lover’s house during busy periods when I need to be closer to work & the city. Which I’m so grateful for. But I also love the comfort of my own space and my bed, and have had less and less time to spend in it.

What I’m saying is, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed, especially during this end-of-year period where all industries are a frazzle, sliding over each others’ slick dripping pussies in the fight to the bottom line for consumerists’ throbbing D.

But there is light at the end of the money-making tunnel (please Gaia, pleaase). As of December, I’ll be freeing up my schedule a bit and setting some goals & plans for 2019. This should help me realign and reevaluate what needs to go, what needs to stay, and what needs working on. The more tension, the worse for the MH. So keeping up an awareness, even during hectic times, is key.

Card 6, Future Reality: 7 Pentacles

In the Seven of Pentacles, a man leans on his hoe, staring down at his abundant crop. He has worked long and hard, tending to his garden, and can now finally take a break to enjoy the fruits of his labour. However, he also looks tired and exhausted – even a little bored and ‘over it’ – from having worked so much to create this successful harvest. This card comes as a reminder that success comes from hard work and patience, but be careful not to overdo it and exhaust yourself.

The Seven of Pentacles shows that you have a strong desire to invest in those things that will provide long-term benefit and sustainable results. You understand the value of putting in time and energy now for longer-term rewards, and you are not necessarily looking for ‘quick wins’. You also want to make sure that you are focusing your attention on the right areas that will give you the biggest ‘bang for your buck’ instead of wasting time on areas that will not deliver any value. When this card appears in a Tarot reading, it is an invitation to step back from the day-to-day operations and look at the bigger picture. Appreciate and celebrate what you have created, and assess and evaluate your progress so far. Are you on track? Are you focused on the right tasks that will lead you to your goal? Similarly, if you are planning for the future, the Seven of Pentacles shows that you are taking a long-term view and you are assessing where you can best invest your time and energy for the maximum output. You do not want to keep putting your heart and soul into something if you are not getting the rewards for it and, no doubt, you have started to see that there are some areas in your life that are just become energy-sappers but without the reward. If you have been working extra hard or putting extra effort into something, it will finally pay off. Your effort will definitely be worth it, and you will see the results and rewards for your labour. You may have been working on something quite challenging and important for the last few months, and this is likely to come to a culmination. You are likely to see financial or other tangible rewards for all of your hard work. Sometimes, however, the Seven of Pentacles can indicate frustration with slow results. You have been labouring away at something important, and you may be starting to feel concerned that you will never be rewarded for your efforts. Be patient and appreciate the progress you have made so far. If your hard work has not yet paid off as planned, remember that your expectations may be unreasonable. There are no guarantees. Be grateful, focus on the present and do what you can with what you have.

Source: ‘Seven of Pentacles Card Meanings’ by Biddy Tarot

I really, really hope this speaks of good things to come! Hard work paying off sounds amazing. Let’s do that one please!!!

To me, this is a reminder of what I spoke about before: knowing the difference between what can be changed and what has to be released. Being present, working IN the moment, is a reward in itself. This is important to remember, especially during moments of frustration or stagnation when impatience and not-knowing gets the better of.

I think this is also a reminder that energy out is energy in; we must work towards our goals. Manifesting isn’t wanting something and sitting back to do nothing (that’s privilege yall). Manifesting is Intention, Action, Commitment & Energy!!

Unconscious: Undercurrent shaping the situation, where we come from & what baggage we drag with us

Past: Page of Wands

Present: Queen of Swords

Future: The Magician

Card 7, Past Unconscious: Page of Wands

The Page of Wands is similar to the Fool in that he is a free spirit who represents change and new beginnings. He has a true passion for life, despite his understanding of this world is not yet fully developed. He has not yet been weighed down by the burdens of the material world, coming and going as he pleases, and usually encouraging change wherever he goes. He is like the catalyst that inspires changes that might be impossible in any other situation.

The appearance of the Page of Wands indicates that you are experiencing a creative restlessness within you that is just waiting for some sort of expression, or, you may be on the verge of some sort of discovery or new phase of life. The Page of Wands represents the sudden creative spark that comes to you, suddenly and unexpectedly, and that starts you down the road of a new creative vision. Thus, he encourages you to express yourself and your individuality with light-hearted abandon. Listen to your unconscious mind and follow your creative urges, even if you are worried about being the lonely voice crying out in the wilderness. With persistence and a balanced perspective even the immature desires of the Page of Wands can be transformed into a beautiful creative vision that can change the world… You are enjoying being busy and involved in various activities and projects. You like the freedom of being able to choose what you will work on today, and hopefully it is different from what you worked on the day before… While you may look to this Page as an immature or child-like presence, he actually has a lot to offer you if you open yourself up to the possibilities that he shares with you.

Source: ‘Page of Wands Card Meanings’ by Biddy Tarot

This is spot on describing my inner state/unconscious earlier this year. I was a little naive about some things, maybe, because I was yet to fully understand the depths of my process/journey. How can you really know until you’re in it? This sense of hopefulness & optimism is still alive in me, although maybe a little more tempered with a bit more experience, though I also think I’ve moved on from the restlessness associated with the Page. Now I seem to be seeking some form of stability, being established in my own rights & being able to embark on new adventures from a place of direction & purpose. I used to like the aimlessness a lot more, but now I feel I want to be building something more tangible now, seeking the manifestation that comes after the initial sparks of possibility!!

Card 8, Present Unconscious: Queen of Swords

The Queen of Swords sits high on her throne with a stern look on her face indicating that no-one can fool her. In her right hand, she comfortably holds a sword pointed to the sky, and her left hand extends as if she has something to offer to others. Behind her is a spring sky, different from the winter settings on most other Swords cards, and this has an emergence and growth quality to it. The sky is clear, representing her clarity of mind as she considers matters of the intellect. The bird above her head symbolises the mind’s ability to soar above day-to-day issues in order to arrive at appropriate solutions.

The Queen of Swords represents the sternness of a mature intellect which is devoid of emotion. In mythology, the feminine is associated with emotion, yet in this card the woman is stern and composed, and without much feeling. This card therefore represents the intellect’s ability to judge and discern impartially, without the influence of emotion or sentimentality. She likes to know the how, what, why, where, when and who of everything to help her make sense of her environment and to better understand others. It is not that she does not care about others but she connects to other people through an intellectual understanding rather than an emotional understanding.

The Queen of Swords is a sign that you need to be independent in thought and in judgement. You must use your unbiased intelligence in order to make a judgement of a particular situation, drawing upon every piece of information and fact that you have gathered along the way. Empathy or compassion towards others may distract you from the task at hand, so it is important that you think with your head and not with your heart at this particular time. Do not let emotion get in the way. Rather, use fact and logic to make your decisions.

The Queen of Swords also has an innate ability to tell it like it is. She is a quick thinker and highly perceptive, and as such, she can cut through the noise and confusion to get straight to the point. There is certainly no ‘beating about the bush’, or ‘softening’ of her comments, opinions and thoughts. She is upfront and honest about her opinions, and expects the same from others. The best way to interact with the Queen of Swords, therefore, is to remain as impartial as possible, and to present your thoughts and opinions concisely and honestly.

Source:

This card has always kind of stumped me, although tbh she comes up in readings fairly regularly. I believe very much in the heart as a compass, so maybe I need to get more real with how I intellectually process situations to do with decision-making. I’m a sentimental gal so this feels like guidance telling me that while emotional connectedness is key, it’s also important to not let sentimentality become a cage.

This could apply to a lot of things: my attachment to my lifestyle away from the city could get in the way of doing the work that I love, or applying for a job. It could be saying yes to projects due to emotional attachments when really I don’t have the time, faculties or resources to bring it to fruition. Right now, this card feels like a message about discernment in decision-making, ensuring I am using my intellectual strengths in balance with my emotions to make the best choices for my life. Queen of Swords helps me remember that I must utilise all my skills, gifts & passions — and to remember the importance of intellectual rigour in my life.

Card 9, Future Unconscious: The Magician

“I wanted guidance and answers as to what I could do to make my situation better. It was then that the Magician began to jump out and consistently plague me. At first I’d pick the card up, sigh, and place him back into the deck feeling done and frustrated with the answer that I had received.But he continued to show up- jumping, falling out of the deck, even so much as getting mysteriously stuck to my slipper as I walked around the house miserable and lamenting…. I noticed first the infinity sign hovering above his head: infinite possibilities, the endless movement of energy, and also everlasting love.

“Do all things through and with love, Jess. For your Self and for others.”

The powers above are working through you- meaning that where you are being guided is no longer solely about you but a higher purpose, whether the topic of your question be about the work you feel called to do or a love that you are ready to share.

The hand held above his head is symbolic of assertion but more than that it works as a channel from God to man. “Allow the Provider to work through you and move you to this greater calling/direction.”

The hand gesturing to the ground brings that energy to be shared to the earth.

The Magician moves with purpose and with clear intention. He knows what he wants and what to do to manifest and direct energy because he has been inspired and then guided. All of what he needs lies here in front of him at his table.

“You have been given incredible gifts. Use what you were given to direct powerful intentions that lead to positive and desired outcomes.”

There’s a reason this card is one of the first of the story of the unfolding of the journey of the Major Arcana.

This is the card that holds the power directly within its hands- enough power to carry us through the journey of the other four suites and the Majors within the entire tarot deck.

This is the card of incredible manifestation- the beginning, the point in your life where you instinctively rise up and know that you are and have been empowered. Your choices and vision are supported by an incredibly benevolent universe/Provider that is reminding you now how very powerful you are when you step into faith, use your God given gifts, and take responsibility and action on creating the life of your dreams. With this card anything becomes possible and you are gifted the chance to see, feel, and own your potential knowing that no matter what lies ahead of you have been given all the tools at birth that you will need to live out your divine and unique life path filled with moments of adventure that include deep love, happiness, and incredible purpose.

This card is the shapeshifter.

“I can be ANY thing. There is nothing that I cannot do or be. It starts with me here. It starts with me now.”

Source: ‘The Magician with Jessica Wiggan’ via Biddy Tarot

I only started reading Tarot around two years ago but unlike Jess, I was enthralled when The Magician first appeared to me. Maybe it’s the illustration by Serena Rocca in my particular deck* but, to me, the card instantly felt alive with promise & potential. It seemed to speak to me of the power of balance in all things and the process of manifestation. Naturally, I was all about it.

Like Jess, after the first time I met The Magician, the card would reappear continuously and soon became a regular in my readings. Now, I usually take a photo of her and use it as my lock screen everytime she shows up. It reminds me of my own powers of manifestation and my responsibility (response-ability) in this life to use my gifts and passions and not squander the abundance given to me on this Earth.

The Magician card is numbered One – the number of new beginnings and opportunities – and associates with the planet of Mercury. He stands with one arm stretched upwards towards the Universe, and the other pointing down to the earth. His positioning represents his connection between the spiritual realms and the material realms. The Magician uses this relationship to create and manifest his goals in the physical realm. He is the conduit that converts energy into matter. The Magician’s robe is white, symbolising purity, and his cloak is red, representing worldly experience and knowledge.

On the table in front of him are the four symbols of the Tarot suits – a cup, pentacle, sword and wand – each symbolising one of the four elements – water, earth, air and fire. It is also a sign that he has all the tools (and elements) he needs to manifest his intentions into being. Above his head is the infinity symbol, and around his waist is a snake biting its own tail – both of which signal that he has access to unlimited potential. And in the foreground is an array of foliage and flowers, symbolising the blossoming and fruition of his ideas and aspirations.

As a master manifestor, the Magician brings you the tools, resources and energy you need to make your dreams come true. Seriously, everything you need right now is at your fingertips. You have the spiritual (fire), physical (earth), mental (air) and emotional (water) resources to manifest your desires. And when you combine them with the energy of the spiritual and earthly realms, you will become a manifestation powerhouse! The key is to bring these tools together synergistically so that the impact of what you create is greater than the separate parts. This is alchemy at its best!

BALANCE, BB!!

Now is the perfect time to move forward on an idea that you recently conceived. The seed of potential has sprouted, and you are being called to take action and bring your intention to fruition. The skills, knowledge and capabilities you have gathered along your life path have led you to where you are now, and whether or not you know it, you are ready to turn your ideas into reality.

In your quest to manifest your goals, you must establish a clear vision of what you will create (and why) before you act. It is not enough to be motivated by ego (money, status, or fame) – you need to have a soul connection to your goals and intentions. You are a powerful, creative being, and this is your opportunity to bring your Higher Self in alignment with your day-to-day actions to create the future you want most.

When you are clear about your ‘what’ and your ‘why’, the Magician calls on you to take inspired action. You will need focused attention and intense concentration to bring your goals to fruition. Focus on the ONE thing that will move you towards your goal. Commitment to the task is essential, so drop any distractions that may draw your focus away from what you want to achieve. Be methodical in your planning to make sure that you stay on track and carry out your tasks.

One of the first times The Magician popped out to say hey to me, I remember writing down a list of my priorities (outside of family & community), then narrowing the list down until I was clear about what was important to me. This clarity was perception-altering at the time; it helped me realise what my next steps should be on my path.

In this reading, I feel like this is a huge affirmation of my efforts to reevaluate, realign & refocus as the end of 2018 draws near. The next year is going to be huge and I want to make sure I go into it with a clarity of focus and intention.

No more wasted efforts, no more beating myself with a proverbial stick and hoping for candies to fall out. No mis-manifestations, no downplaying, no playing it safe, no bowing down or out due to cowardice or fear.

I have faced my own shadows. I will continue to face them always knowing them as parts of me, as guidance, as friends.

I will not hide from my own light. I will not let my fears dull it. I shine with the love of the Divine & my ancestors — and they are with me every step of the way.

P.S. The Magician & Queen of Swords cards came out simultaneously and could be read interchangeably as Card 7 & 8.

*The Tarot deck I use is the Group Tarot Deck by Girls Drawin’ Girls available here.

Tarot Wishlist

KAPWA Tarot (Pilipino Symbology and Ancestral Teachings) by Jana Umipig: http://www.janalynnecreativeproductions.com/shop

FAIRYTALE Tarot (Myths Legends and Deities From Around the World) by Yoshi Yoshitani: http://yoshiyoshitani.storenvy.com/

DELTA ENDURING Tarot (Southern Cartomancy) by Egan: http://www.deltaenduring.com/store/

FLAGSHIP Tarot by Trungles: http://www.trungles.com/flagship-tarot/

MODERN WITCH Tarot by Lisa Sterle: https://liminal11.com/2018/04/25/the-modern-witch-tarot/

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harlequindreams-blog · 7 years

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Can Massive Knowledge And AI Fix Our Prison</h1>

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