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#ive said it before in like an ask answer but now it is right there in the canon:
brutal-nemesis · 4 months
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YWDaC: Turns Out, Forever Is a Long Time
Ayo we have FINALLY arrived at the end of Castys's lil pirate misadventure I hope you have enjoyed all of the delicious lore
←Previous - Castys Masterlist
Ingredients: storm at sea activity, mentioned stabbing, suicide for "convenience" (it's not quite the usual level of he doesn't care but it's still not like bro wants to die yk), a little self harm (once again, out of practicality)
What Castys really wanted was to have something for breakfast, but responsibilities came first, so here he was, delivering a message that he could have ordered anyone else to relay, just so he could go back belowdecks and hopefully grab something on the way back, which made him wonder if he should have been given responsibilities in the first place, but oh well, he didn’t put himself in charge. Now, to get this done so he could eat. Castys knocked on the door in front of him, and upon hearing a noise that sounded like a word, he entered. Captain Izogie was sitting with her shirt partially off and her back to him, exposing the bold patterns of white fire ink curling around her dark shoulders. Alfyn was standing behind her with his hands on her bare back, clearly concentrating. It was a sight he’d seen before, but he always felt a little awkward stumbling upon it. 
“Uh, sorry, didn’t realize it was woman magic day.”
Izogie laughed a little as she turned her head to look at him. “Is that what you lot call it?”
“Less of a mouthful than whatever Alfyn says.”
Alfyn just sighed. “Estrogen production stimulation?”
Castys nodded. “Doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. Anyway, Captain, just thought I’d let you know the sunrise is red this morning, and given the clouds now, we’re all pretty sure it’s gonna storm. And yes,” Castys held up a hand, “preparations are already underway. Just wanted you to be aware.”
Alfyn, finished with Izogie’s treatment, stepped back. “In that case, I have a few things to secure in the med bay. If you’ll excuse me, Captain.”
Izogie nodded as she buttoned her shirt. “Thank you, Alfyn, you’re excused.” He gave Castys a smile as he left. “Thank you as well, Castys.” She gave him a thoughtful look as she pulled her coat on and stood up. “You know, when you first arrived, I wasn’t sure if you were going to last here, but here you are, my first mate, of all things. You’ve grown quite a bit.”
Castys rolled his eyes and smiled, leaning against the doorframe. “Well, yeah, a scared tied up kid rarely looks like he’s gonna amount to anything. And it took you a few years to get that mouth off of me,” he laughed.
“You say that like it’s gone completely,” Izogie said with a glint in her eye, coming up to stand in front of Castys. Despite more than a decade passing, she still towered over Castys, the passage of time only showing in the lines on her face and the gray streaking her hair. He hadn’t grown any taller, but he’d at least gained some muscle and quite a few scars, which was well within the realm of expectation for being a pirate. “Well then, let’s go help out, Castys. This isn’t our first storm, and we need to make sure it won’t be our last.”
“I’d prefer to go down to a sea monster, at least. And I can’t imagine anything short of a hurricane taking you, Captain.”
“I’d like to see one try.” 
The storm that night certainly did.
The rain came down in sheets, driven to needlepoints by the harsh winds. It was more difficult than ever to hear the shouts of the crew as reports and orders were passed around, and Castys’s throat was raw from relaying directions to the men at the helm. He was glad for the storm sails, because even though they hadn’t had time to put all of them up, they were still making good progress through the crashing waves. At least, he hoped so. 
The ship’s bow pierced through another wall of water, and it was all Castys could do to stay on his feet, holding tight to the rope tied around his waist. Shit, one of the men at the helm had collapsed, and there was no one else to take his place. Castys ran up, grabbing the wheel alongside the others as he continued to keep an eye on the angle of the bow and the oncoming waves. It was fine, he could keep this up even as his arms burned from the strain, the hairs that had escaped from his ponytail blowing in his eyes and sticking to his face, making it even harder to see, the ever-louder thunder overhead drowning out the sound of his own voice. Didn’t matter if things were only getting worse, they had to keep-
CRACK
Everything was too loud, or maybe too quiet, roaring and buzzing, he was pressed up against the soaking wood of the deck and there was a ball of dense, sharp agony buried in his chest, making it hard to breathe, he kept coughing, couldn’t stand, couldn’t see, the blackness was coming, fading in and out, and all of a sudden he was belowdecks, blood and rain puddling around him, hands on his chest, pulling up his shirt, the words muffled, his chin moved up, Alfyn’s eyes were gray and full of fear, he hadn’t seen that expression before, or maybe he had, and maybe he was going to die, here, because of the storm, because he couldn’t breathe, time was up, that was it, those thirty-four years were over and done he wasn’t getting that time back no more tries he was satisfied with that right he had to be he couldn’t have any regrets because he wasn’t supposed to but it would have been nice if…if…
Castys woke up to a vast expanse of yellowish-white, which was not the color he expected the afterlife to be. Upon further inspection, though, it turned out that it was just a sheet over his head. After tossing it off and sitting up, he was greeted by a shrill scream that should have come from a young girl but actually came from Alfyn. 
“Chill, dude, you shouldn’t have put that over me if you’d healed me.” Castys narrowed his eyes a bit as he talked. Did his voice always sound like that? Maybe whatever injuries he’d had had damaged his hearing or something. He wasn’t in any pain now, though, so that was good.
“C-Castys you-you’re-how are you-” Alfyn ran over, nearly tackling Castys as he pulled up his tattered shirt to reveal a rather bloodstained but otherwise perfectly fine torso. Castys gave him a weird look, leaning away.
“Uh, you’re the one who fixed whatever it was, weren’t you?” He brushed his wet hair off of his face as he stared down at himself. Why the fuck did he grow his hair out, again? It was annoying as hell like this. 
Alfyn shook his head in disbelief. “I didn’t heal you, Castys. You-you were…both of your lungs had collapsed and I-I couldn’t fix it but-” He looked Castys in the eye, frowning. “You…you look different. Younger.” He ran a hand over Castys’s ribs, and Castys was very glad that he was more than used to the medic touching his bare skin. “There’s no scar from what just-” 
“Hey, what are you-” Castys yelped as Alfyn forced him to lean forward, pulling up his shirt even more to expose his back.
“You still had scars from your first day, didn’t you? When you were flogged?”
“Uh, I think so? I don’t really make it a hobby to look at my back, so you’d probably know better than me.” 
Alfyn sighed, letting go of Castys and standing up. “Well, if they were there before, they’re gone now. You…” He looked around at the patients lying on the cots on the other side of the room. “Do you feel alright, Castys?”
“I think so? I’m not in any pain or anything, but…I dunno, does my voice sound weird to you?” There were a few other things that were bothering him, but he couldn’t really get a solid hold on what they were. He just felt different, his thoughts more scattered, his arms less muscular than he remembered, the persistent ache in his left knee from a battle wound a few years ago completely gone now.
Alfyn nodded slowly. “Now that you mention it, it does seem a little…off.” He frowned again. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you, Castys, but I have more urgent patients to attend to, and I’m going to ask you to stay put until we can get this sorted out.”
“But the s-”
“Fine then, I’m not asking, I’m ordering. Doctor’s orders supersede everything else, you know that. And the storm has almost passed. So stay. Put.”
Castys grumbled and crossed his arms, but he didn’t move to get up. He knew all too well that Alfyn wasn’t above restraining disobedient patients, and he’d rather avoid that today. Bored, he peeked at his chest again. It was very bloody, but there were no injuries anywhere, and poking his ribs didn’t hurt like a bitch, so they weren’t broken or anything. What was weird though was that he still had some scars, just not all of them. The twisted one on his tummy and the clean line over his heart were still there. He slapped a hand on his right cheek and tried very hard to smile, finding that, yup, he still couldn’t really do it on that side, so the remnant of the gash on his face was still there. But the one on his knee, on his arm, and apparently the ones on his back…gone. It didn’t make sense. Unless…
He put a hand over his heart. Every scar he still had now, he’d gotten before…before that day. The day he still didn’t want to believe had happened. Just as he was about to dig up that lovely little box of buried memories, Captain Izogie rushed in, worry etched in her face. 
“Alfyn, is it true Castys is-” she laid eyes on Castys and the tension visibly drained from her body. “Oh thank Mydnar.” She walked over and crouched down in front of where he was seated on the floor, eyeing him suspiciously. “What…what did Alfyn do to you? You look like a kid again.”
“Not my fault!” Alfyn called from where he was working on someone’s fucked-up arm.
“Uh, yeah, I, um,” Castys laughed nervously. “It’s my fault. I think. But I’m okay! All the breathing is happening fine.”
Izogie shook her head. “You’re not making any sense. Laias said a broken piece of the mizzen top yard poked a hole through your chest.”
“It did,” Alfyn said, wiping his hands as he walked over. “Both of his lungs were punctured. I worked as quickly as I could after I pulled it out, but…” he swallowed. “Your pulse was gone, Castys.”
“But I…I’m fine. I’m…” He swallowed. Everything was so cold all of a sudden, that was the only reason he’d be shaking like this, right? Had to be. Unsure if he even wanted to know the answer to this question, Castys lifted his shirt, poking at the scar on his stomach. “Alfyn…what if a person was…was stabbed right here. And the knife was dragged and twisted a bit before being pulled out. And then it went,” his finger was over his heart now, “right here. Would that person…would they die?”
Alfyn looked at Castys in slight horror before slowly nodding. “Without medical attention, in a matter of minutes. Possibly less depending on how much the stomach wound had bled and how much damage had been done.”
Every worry line in Izogie’s face stood out more than ever before. “Castys, you-what are you saying? Are those scars-”
“I think so.” Castys dropped his shirt. “At least, from what I can remember. So maybe I…I already died. Before this. All this time I just thought I might be remembering things wrong, but if what Alfyn said about earlier is true, then…and it might explain why I’m…different.”
“So you think you’re some kind of…” the furrow in Alfyn’s brow deepened, “immortal?”
Immortal. The thought was sort of exciting, as ridiculous as it seemed, but it was also sort of terrifying. Why the fuck was he one, anyway, if it was true? He was just Castys, a random pirate with incurable amnesia about his childhood and hadn’t done anything special besides the whole…maybe this was some kind of fucked-up reward for finishing his mission? But then where had-fuck, okay, no more of that, his brain hurt too much. Why think about things when he could get some results?
“Hey, Captain, could you stab me or something? I wanna see what happens.”
Izogie, who was still clearly trying to process whatever the hell was going on, gave him a very concerned look. “No, Castys, what-even if you think you’ll-you’ll come back what if-”
“Well, I should have died twice now. So I feel like I’ve already gotten a second chance if I was going to be dead anyway.” He glanced over at Alfyn. “Could you-”
“I’m a fucking doctor, Castys. My hands aren’t-I can’t. No.” The other pirates cursed pretty much every other word, but coming from Alfyn, that word might as well have been a cannon blast. Seeing that neither of his friends were willing to stab him for science, Castys dropped the idea and let them examine him for a bit before finally getting cleared to go back to his quarters. The crew gave him odd looks as he passed by, just hammering it in even more that he was different somehow. Either that or they’d heard he fucking died and was now walking around perfectly healthy, which was also probably cause for concern.
Once he was alone, he pulled out his sword and looked at his reflection in the blade. From what he could tell in this shitty makeshift mirror, his face did look a lot more youthful than he remembered. The scruff on his chin and his longer hair did make him look a bit older than the age he supposed his body was now, but the beard was itchy and long hair was a pain in the ass. Part of him wanted to hack his ponytail off right now with his knife, but he’d rather not look like a total mess on top of everything else, so he could wait to ask for a haircut tomorrow. He could shave, however, and he felt a lot better once it was done. 
Turning the razor over in his hands, Castys wondered if he really would come back to life again if he slit his throat or whatever. Well, only one way to find out. His clothes were already super bloody, anyway, so that wouldn’t be a problem. Here goes nothing, then.
Why were his hands shaking so much? It was just dying, he’d apparently done it before, it was fine, he’d come back, he wasn’t leaving anyone behind, just a quick swipe of the blade and then…then…he’d come back, right? Right. A-and if he didn’t, he’d already cheated death before, so it was only fair for things to end now. Deep breath maybe his last-
The blade moved a little more slowly than he would have liked, a flash of pain before-
Castys opened his eyes. He was still in his cabin, lying on the floor, razor still gripped in his hand, fresh blood warm and sticky on his neck. S-so then…he’d died. And come back. And wasn’t in any pain. 
Some sick fascination drove him to slice a deep gash in his arm before turning the blade on his neck again.
He woke up just as healthy as before, no cut in sight.
That settled it, then. Castys…he was immortal. A deep feeling of freedom unlike anything he’d ever known washed over him. He could do anything, go anywhere, not having to worry about wasting his time or being in danger, because fuck that he was immortal nothing would ever stop him again. 
Lying in a puddle of his own blood, Castys couldn’t help but laugh.
He got slapped and lectured the next day for testing things out on himself, sure, but it was nothing in the face of his infinite future. He could go on with everyone forever and e-
Kamon left. 
Alfyn died. 
Izogie retired.
And then, one day, Castys was standing on the deck of the ship, his ship, and he realized he didn’t recognize a single face looking back at him. Well, he recognized them, but he didn’t know them, didn’t remember any of them from his life before the years felt like minutes. There was a divide between them, and he wasn’t sure who put it there.
Immortality was…lonely. Isolating. 
Someone else like him had to be out there, right? So he’d look all over, chase down every lead, even an immortal monster or something would do, he just needed-
Castys felt as alone as he was all those years ago, trapped on that deserted island, the passage of time impossible to follow. 
But no matter what, he’d find that ship on the horizon. 
Castys Cult: @as-a-matter-of-whump​ @blackrosesandwhump​ @fanmanga1357-blog​​ @thehopelessopus​ @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi​ @hearse-song​ @muddy-swamp-bitch @whumpasaurus101 @yet-another-heathen​​ @galaxywhump​ @starnight-whump​ @his-unspoken-words​ @misspelledwitch @suspicious-whumping-egg​ @pumpkin-spice-whump​ @painsandconfusion @i-can-even-burn-salad​​ @befuddled-calico-whump​ @whumpinggrounds @whump-queen​ @whumpedydump @theelvishcowgirl​
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pepprs · 2 years
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meant to post abt this yesterday and ik it’s kinda mean but i think the counselor i have rn is the worst one ive ever had possibly even worse than (or tied w) the one i had over the summer who kept ending our sessions well before the full hour was up when i was going thru a horrible time and kept spending the sessions mostly talking abt herself and her own problems. actually no now that i write that out she was probably the worst (though she was one of the warmest / nicest and our personalities meshedreally well so i feel bad saying that she was the worst). but the one i have now is so…. lke idk. my experience w the worst counselor made me rly want to work w a clinical intern again bc i wanted someone who would like. actuallytake things seriously and give me the time i was paying for and spend all of it talki ng abt the things i was paying to talk abt and draw from the most recent / cutting edge info instead of entirely personal experience (WHICH AGAIN I FEEL SO BAD ABT BECAUSE. my work is all abt healing each other by sharing things like that and i realt did like her but it just wasn’t appropriate i guess bc it was a counseling relationship!) but my current counselor is so… rigid and restrictive. like i think he is trying too hard to apply what he’s being taught and he seems like nervous and talking out of his ass and he masks that by taking up SO much space and spending like 3 minutes responding to every one minute i talk and literally like strongarmimg the convos and deciding what we’re going to talk about and moving us on to a new topic abruptly before i feel ready to move on and like taking time out of our sessions to do paperwork / admin stuff so he doesn’t forget later (and a lot of the time i think he’s doing it while im talking bc i see his eyes moving around his screen and the light on his face like he’s not even listening to me). and it fucking sucks. i want to crack him like an egg so bad and make him realize it doesn’t have to be this way but i know that’s not my responsibility and in our session last night i basically gave up trying to create enough space for myself and just let him steer things bc i was having side effects and it was just rly unsatisfying
#purrs#i know it is entirely within my right to address these things both for my sake and for his / his future clients but im so scared lol like i#don’t want to tell him he’s doing a bad job and making it hard for me to navigate but literally when you keep steamrolling and silencing me#and cutting me off and forcing me around… yeah. also he has to record our sessions and show them to his profs / supervisors and it’s so like#idk. ive been recorded in sessions before and im totally fine w it but there’s 2 things abt this specific instance of it thst distress and#annoy me. 1) when we sign on to our session he says like 2 things to me then starts the recording and is TOTALLY fake and forcing it like#hello tess welcome to our session and he’ll repeat some of the stuff he said but in a more like.. extensive way so it just feels rly fake#to me lol. WHICH ALSO REMINDS ME 1.5) not related to the recording but every time he asks me questions he asks like… 3 questions but doesn’t#give me space to answer the two like it’s just a bridge for him as he&/ working his way to the thing he actually wants to ask me and i#fucking hate when ppl ask me questions and then answer them themselves or like don’t want to hear the answer. i had 2 profs like that in#brighton and it fucking pissed me offff so being around someone who does that again is rly agitating ik it’s just a nervous habit but yeah.#and 2) i am kinda concerned that none of my counselors profs or supervisors have seemed to call him on how he doesn’t give me space or let#me guide the convo. like idk maybe it’s just that all of my counselors before him were too loose w me but i feel like it s not supposed to f#feel this rigid and i am kinda scared abt the implications of no one actually watching these recordings and see how i try to speak but he#almost always talks over me and i just give up. lol. i like him he’s a nice person i just think he’s nervous and trying too hard and it#would be passable for like.. the little kid clients who usually go there but it doesn’t feel good for me a 23 year old who has had like what#6 counselors before him all of whom gave me space and didn’t shove me around. i miss the counselors i had from oct 2020 - jul 2021 and sept#2021 - feb 2022 they were the best ever and i am inches away from terminating here and just trying to go to wherever they are full time now#and working w them again bc they rly got me and i didn’t know how good i had it lol. i guess i don’t need someone as good anymore bc things#in my life are objectively better than they were during those times but my mental health is still bad so i would uhhh… like someone good#and don’t think that’s too much to ask and need to get it into my head that i CAN ask it. ok rant over#*no one actually watching the recordings has seen / pointed out to him how he steamrolls me etc etc
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xxsabitoxx · 5 months
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Fushiguro Megumi hates it when you get injured.
Something about it, no matter how big or small the injury is, just gets under his skin and pisses him off. Which comes off has him being mad at you, unfortunately. It’s not his intention, fuck no, he’s just so upset it happened in the first place.
It’s not till you get injured bad that you realize he’s not mad at you, rather, he’s mad at himself. There is a lingering guilt in Megumi’s eyes when you get hurt, as if he failed you.
“You know this isn’t your fault, right?” You had questioned late one night, laying in an infirmary bed with an IV in your arm because Shoko’s technique and the curse’s attack were not working well together. Meaning you were on strict bed rest until you were fully healed. Megumi hated that too, of course.
He didn’t answer, instead he flipped the page of his book with pursed lips. “I’m talking to you, Meg. It’s rude to ignore.” That got to him, closing his book slowly as he dragged his eyes up the bed to look at you. “You know this isn’t your fault, right?”
You repeated your previous statement, knowing he heard you the first time but he wouldn’t answer unless you asked again. “Yeah.” His tone was low, not convincing whatever. “Liar.” You shot back, moving your arm to rub your tired eyes.
Megumi watched the tube move with you, the dark liquid slowly dripping from the bag down the line and into your veins. “I’m not lying.” He nearly spat, anger bubbling in his gut at the sight of the retched medical machinery you were hooked too.
You sighed, “I’m sorry for getting hurt. I know it’s frustrating and all but li-“ but Megumi was cutting you off with a near incredulous look. “What?” Was all he said, leaving you to blink at him as you tried to wrap your head around his confusion.
“Y-you’re mad cause I’m careless, right? Because I keep weighing you down by getting myself injured?” You stated this as if it were factual, watching Megumi’s face morph into one of genuine bewilderment and mild offense.
“No?! What the fuck makes you think that?!”
"Because... you don't talk to me for like three days after the fact?" Megumi couldn't exactly fight you on that. The more he thought about it, the more he realized it really did come off that way. "I...shit no that's not..." he tossed his book on your bed, hands coming up to rub his face as he tried to collect his thoughts.
"I'm not mad at you. I've never once been mad at you for getting injured. I just..." he sighed, turning to look at you now "...I just get frustrated with myself. I don't like seeing you hurt, it makes me feel like I didn't do enough. Then, I sit here promising myself to do better for you the next time we go out on a mission together, and then we end up right back here. With you in a hospital bed."
Megumi's face had turned a shade of pink. He always felt fidgety having these kinds of conversations. Especially with you, especially about his feelings. "Oh..." you started, mulling over his words carefully before sighing. "You can't beat yourself up over this stuff, Megumi. It's my life and my choice to be a sorcerer. Getting hurt is part of the job." You watched him shift in his chair.
"I know it's part of the job. I just don't like seeing you get hurt. Especially when I'm supposed to be supporting you. We're supposed to look out for each other on these missions and I keep failing you." Megumi's eyes darted anywhere around the room, hands folding neatly as he tried not to seem nervous.
"Megumi." You stated it bluntly, praying he'd look up. He did, of course, he did. For some reason, he couldn't deny you when you said his name like that. "C'mere." you whispered, motioning him to sit on the edge of your bed. He listened, getting up to move the small distance and trying his best to keep you stable as the bed dipped.
"You can't go on with your life quietly beating yourself up for things that are out of your control... and mine for that matter." Your hand carefully reaches up to touch his cheek, smiling at the warmth burning under your fingertips. Megumi looks at you, head-turning reluctantly. "I love you too much to let you feel guilty."
Quiet. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. The look on Megumi's face was utterly priceless. Pure disbelief. No way he heard you correctly. His tired mind and sore back must be playing tricks on him. "You... what?" He croaked, brows furrowing in denial. You smile, huffing out a laugh. "I said I love you, Megumi."
He wasn't sure how to act in that moment. Every word he could think of was fizzling out before it could reach his mouth. Instead of killing himself trying to respond verbally, Megumi did the only thing he could think of. A surprised squeak left you as his lips pressed against yours, hands shaking as they gingerly cupped your cheeks.
The kiss itself lasted maybe twenty seconds, leaving you a little breathless from being unprepared as he pulled away. "I... guess that means you love me too?" you teased him, a grin on your face. Softly, Megumi huffed out a laugh before responding.
"Yeah, it means I love you too."
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Started this a few days ago and didn’t even realize it was Megumi’s birthday today! So, happy birthday, Meg :)
Hope you enjoyed! - May
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hana-no-seiiki · 7 months
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YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO FIGHT ME NOT F*CK ME!
yan! school grass (most handsome/perfect guy)/rival x crossdresser! male! reader x yan! friends - part one
tw/cw: mention of abusive parents (but not reader’s) and yandere themes. also your rival has some repressed sexual urges, he really needs to get laid or some head or something-
just read migi and dali and gahd NOW I WANNA WRITE A WHOLE CROSSDRESS /GENDERBENDER BL NOVEL IM IN HORRID ROTTING
Like I imagine this the best with stoic and/or tsun yans the best. You know those types that want to be perfect but only feels perfect when they’re with reader.
ive always loved these tropes as a kid, from mulan to that one tawog episode where darwin fell in love with fem! gumball and like this was even before i knew i wasnt cis but gahd AAAAAAA
also inspired by @moyazaika ‘s rival work. go read it!!
but anyways have the fic, lowercase intentional for first part to differentiate povs.
it was a dare given by your friend group earlier last weekend. wear the girls uniform and a wig for the entire month. it was easy to get the materials necessary for the most part. your mother had several wigs and was more than happy to style her son in feminine clothing. she was just amazing and supportive about your whims like that.
it didn’t take long for you to realize that no one recognized you in your new look.
the day started like many of your other ones at the school, you’d race your rival as the first one in class and whoever wins gets rights to a smug look on their face until the next thing you guys eventually compete on.
but unlike the crestfallen expression you expected — nay wanted — from that stupid pretty boy, you were greeted by what you could only described as complete bafflement.
“what?” despite having a different reaction from what you imagined, you managed to keep a composed appearance. “cat got your tongue?”
“ah. . .”
and that were the only words he said to you the entire day. nothing else. not a single groan of anger whenever you answered everything correctly, he didn’t even attempt at stopping you mid-way or disagree with you answer simply because he wanted to annoy you.
and so you couldn’t help it, as soon as the bell rang signalling lunch time you swiftly turned around to face him.
“are you alright?”
you inquired. not at all worried about his well-being at the slightest. you hated him with all your being after all and you didn’t make an effort to be soft with your tone either.
“h-huh?” he looked dazed. like his head had been in the clouds and you just yanked him down to ground.
your rival never got distracted.
“you—“ you reached out about to smack his face to keep him in check.
“if you’ll excuse me!” he smacked your hand out of the way, screeched at you, and then left in a hurry to who knows where.
nevermind that was definitely him. that silly brat hated it whenever you touched him. he must have just been having issues at home again or something.
Haoyu was trembling — shaking uncontrollably as his breaths turned more shallow by the second. His heart was pumping blood in places of his body where it shouldn’t have been in the middle of school hours. Sweat lined his entire skin and it didn’t help how the bathroom he rushed into had nothing to keep the temperature down.
Who were you?
You sat at his rival’s seat. That nasty kid that always got in his nerves. No one questioned the boy’s absence and he would have asked the teachers on what had happened if you didn’t suddenly take his breath away.
You were, ethereal. Otherworldy even. When he first saw you he was taken away by the way your hair moved in the wind (if only he knew . . .).
Still, he was far too distracted by [Y/N]’s absence to properly let the feeling simmer.
Then, all that went away when you reeled in his mind back at you again at class. You were incredible, capable, intelligent, and oh so perfect. But unlike that stupid child that usually sat in front of him, he did not feel an ounce of envy at all.
If only who could see your eyes as you spoke; the tone of your voice conveyed so much passion that he wanted to see in those beautiful (e/c) orbs.
And his prayers were granted by none other than the goddess that is you,
“Are you alright?”
Your voice? Oh your voice! Haoyu’s heard it already of course, but each new time you spoke it was like a whole new melody, a new piece that immediately turned into his favorite.
His mind was too fried with these thoughts, thoughts that his parents would no doubt beat out of him if they found out.
His feels the parts down there suddenly move. He wasn’t completely unfamiliar with the phenomenon. He wasn’t without his hormones after all. But this was the first time it ever reacted that way so strongly, like if he didn’t give it attention himself it’d explode.
“Mmph…”
And for the time in his entire life, Haoyu does something he knew his parents would definitely be disappointed if not livid about. A hand on his mouth, and another in his school uniform’s pants.
lunch time.
you usually spent those studying or preparing for the next class as hanging out with your friends always ended with you being too distracted to do schoolwork but today you had to show up with ‘proof’ that you went through with their dare.
“yiran ? yichen ?”
no response.
you sighed. as usual, the twins were late. what did you expect? those two would be caught dead before they could be early much less found in the library.
and so you spent the entire time reading,
unaware of the crowd that formed around you while you were busy studying.
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slasherbvnnie · 1 year
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Until We Found You
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Hello! This is my first time ever posting onto here, so please excuse any mistakes or any tags that may be missing. I wanted to write about a poly!ghostface au and age up all the characters and place them into college. I hope this gets at least a few reads!
Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX
Context: Modern Day College Scream AU, Obsessed AFAB!Reader, Eventual Poly!Ghostface x reader, Eventual NSFW, All characters 18+
You bit down on the tip of your pencil, chewing the metal part of it as you spaced out for the hundredth time today. A few days ago news broke of one of your best friends being killed, Casey Becker, and like every day since that fateful night, news reporters were swarming the campus. Woodsboro University was famous overnight for it, a crazed killer on the loose in the town and no one knew why Casey and her boyfriend Steve were the victims. What made it truly unnerving was that no one knew if they were going to be the only ones.
It didn’t make you scared, not really at least, you were more intrigued than worried if you were going to be the next person to get a mysterious phone call. No, you spent the next morning with Randy and learned all about what happened. How Steve was found bound to the chair, duct tape and blood practically branded onto him, and how the Beckers found Casey. She was one of your best friends, you couldn’t deny you felt like you needed some therapy for not crying for more than maybe an hour over her, but something in you was more interested in who did it.
That was what was on your mind for the hundredth time today, any of Casey’s boyfriends all the way to fucking pre-k could be a suspect, maybe her family, or maybe it was some random stranger who decided to take their anger out on an unsuspecting teenage girl. Randy and you talked all first period about your suspicions on who it could be, even accusing each other of being the killer, it did fit after all, the two horror buffs who knew every goddamn easter egg in every horror movie there was, it seemed perfect.
“Sidney, can you please tell your friend the answer to at least make it seem like she was listening?” Ms. Crane asked, Sidney nudging you and whispering the answer as the class laughed. “ah, um, phosphorus gas.” You answered, looking at Sidney with wide eyes after you answered. “Phosphine, but I will take that. You guys can pack up, let me take role before you all leave.” Ms. Crane said with a sigh.
“What’s up with you? Are you totally sure you don’t want to go to the grief counselor after school? I mean even Tate went-“ “Sid, I’m fine, seriously. I just, it’s freaky is all. I mean not knowing who did it? What if they have a thing for college chicks, I think we fit into that category very well and-“ “And we will be fine, it was probably just a one-time thing…I mean it's more likely that it is, right?” Sidney asked as she packed her bag, putting a comforting hand on your shoulder. “Don’t sweat it, if you want you can stay at my place for the week, my dad’s on a trip and I would kinda enjoy the company,” she offered, smiling at you reassuringly. You gave a nod, “yeah, let me just at least spend tonight at my place, my mom will kill me if I miss dinner tonight and take off for a week out of the blue.” “Are you sure you’re really 19 and not 9?” Sidney asked jokingly, earning a laugh from you.
After dinner you had taken a shower, your parents had gone out for the night to take a late-night date- which you theorized was them renting a motel to not risk traumatizing you. You brushed out your hair as you sat down on your vanity chair, putting it into a braid before you went to bed. Your cat was sitting peacefully on your bed, moving every now and then to change her position before darting out of your room. “Irena!” You called after her, scoffing when she didn’t come back to the room. You put your hairbrush down onto your vanity, taking a look in the mirror before getting up from your seat. “I hope you don’t think you are eating even more food, missy, you got fed so much while I was at class today,” you said, acting as if Irena could really understand you. You made your way to your door, nearly walking out before noticing a paper had fallen onto the ground near your desk. You picked it up, reading the headline, Casey Becker and Steve Orth- funerals to be held on Friday the 27th at 9-11 AM. You sighed and set it down on the other papers stacked on your desk.
You walked out of your room, heading downstairs “Irena! Come on, I wanna go to bed,” you whined out, calling the cat to your room. You found her in the living room, hiding under the couch and refusing to come to you. “Fine, I’ll leave you a blanket out and don’t you dare come scratching at my door at 3 AM,” you told her, going to the hallway closet to get a blanket out for her. Once you had gotten one, you spread it out across the couch for her and said goodnight.
You were about halfway to your room when your phone began to buzz, digging it out of your pocket and seeing your mom's number you quickly answered. “Hey, what's up? You guys heading back already,” You asked, continuing up to your room.
“Heading back? Who said I ever left?” A strange voice asked on the other line, making you pause for a moment as you moved to make sure it was your mom. “Listen asshole, I don’t have more than 15 dollars in my bank account so have fun with whatever hot cheetos and mountain dew you can get with that,” you said before hanging up on them, putting your phone back into your pocket. You were up the stairs now, deciding to use the bathroom before you went to bed for the night but before you could open the door your phone rang again. “Didn’t I already say I don’t have money? What the fuck do you want?” You asked angrily, “Irena, right? Like Irena Dubrovna? Who did you prefer, Simone or Natassja?” The same voice asked you, making you look down the stairs. Irena hadn’t moved yet and no one was around her, or at least from what you could see. “If you hurt my fucking cat I will personally cut off your balls and feed them to he-“ A laugh from the caller cut you off, “I don’t have fun with animals. I’m not Bundy or Dahmer, I like to see my victims, human victims…struggle.” You heard your parent's bedroom door open, letting out a scream before running into your room and slamming the door shut, locking it quickly before the person began to bang on it. You looked around, going to your window and trying to lift it open.
The door cracked, it was like the scene from the shining, except this killer bore a white mask, you recognized it from the Halloween store- father death. You struggled with the window again, before giving up and grabbing the lamp from your bedside table and throwing it at them. The killer moved out of the way before they were hit, pushing their body against the door once more and climbing in through the opening. You could see them fiddle with their knife as if they had held it in their hands a hundred times already and were skilled at fidgeting with it.
You grabbed a glass organizer from your desk, taking the scissors from it before chucking the holder at them. The papers you had stacked before scattered from the throw as they fell down. You rushed to the window as they struggled to get up but never heard them stand. When your head whipped around to check if they were behind you, you instead saw them looking at the papers around them.
Masked killer, Casey and Steve headlines, Maureen Prescott, Cotton Weary trials, even the cutouts you had of Sidney from court. You were obsessed. There were drawings, suspects lists, hell all these needed were red kiss marks and ‘please fuck me mr ghostface!’ written in pink glitter pen ink.
You stared wide-eyed at them when you saw their gaze now on you, their head cocked to the side as a laugh sounded from behind the mask. Just then you heard the sound of gravel being crushed around from the driveway, your parent's car was pulling in, you saw them getting out from your window. When you turned back you noticed the person was gone, you ran downstairs and met your parents at the door, crying and beginning to blubber on about what nearly happened. 
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nyelaexe · 2 years
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*long, deep sighing*
#i was supposed to be finally moving the rest of my stuff out my moms place and getting my sofa from my brother#my brother told us both yesterday that we would move the stuff today and i told my mom#now today she texts me and says not to come over early to get the stuff. but i was asleep and she thought i was ignoring her#so she called and woke me up and asked if i saw her texts. im like no im sleeping and she said love you and hung up#i texted her id let her know before we came to get my stuff and she said she texted and told me to do it tomorrow#and she didnt. she sent like 5 or 6 texts. the first one asked when we were coming over#the second told us not to come early. the third she said im doing me today. the fourth was her asking if im getting her texts#then the fifth was her saying ive been texting you for hours you cant still be asleep#idk why she always does that like...of you dont answer right away she thinks shes being ignored. i went to bed after 6 am#i was asleep when she texted. but anyway 2 minutes after the last text is when she called me#but now she like i told yall to come tomorrow#im like no you didnt none of your texts say to come tomorrow. so she sends me timestamps and im like...ok#none of that says to come tomorrow. then she resends all the texts and im like...OK NONE OF THAT SAYS COME TOMORROW#the word tomorrow isnt even used in any of her texts. i guess when she said 'im doing me' thats what that meant#but how the fuck am i supposed to know that? she said she wasnt going to any stores or talking to any doctors#she never said the words dont come today come tomorrow#she said she doesnt want us over bc shes been drinking all night and she doesnt want us seeing her like that#and im like...you knew we were coming over yesterday why would you drink like that#and even so you can stay in your room all we gotta do is get a few bags my bed rails and a few dishes from the kitchen#itll take like 10-15 minutes.#i dont even know if my brother is off tomorrow. if he isn't im gonna have to wait until next week
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sideblogofhell · 8 months
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a forbidden fruit
summary: pietro eats something he shouldn't have pairing: pietro maximoff x male reader word count: 1.1k warnings: 18+ warning, s3x pollen, blowjobs, unprotected sex a/n: part iv have fun do leave comments if u liked it
masterlist | the repentant's corner
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Pietro dashed around the lot sixteen times to make sure no one was there. You rubbed your hands together for some heat against the chilling night. The grass crackled beneath your feet trying to chase after your partner. You ended up a panting mess next to him, your knees shaking. 
“So I was thinking, after this patrol maybe we could go out sometime?” he said, his breath unwavering. You gulped and tried to let out a word, your voice dry and coarse. You nod, sweat dripping down your forehead. 
“Can you focus?” you said, trying to open the door. He broke open the warehouse padlock with ease, vibrating at a pace that dislodged the gears that kept the lock secure. 
You slide the rusty door open into a dark room. Pietro used a flashlight to look into the path. The warehouse was small, almost the size of a barn, the floor a flat grey concrete, the walls tall and rusted. There were a few broken wooden crates scattered all over the floor, a metal table on the farthest left. 
Your partner zoomed into the room like a faint blue flare. He checked to see the contents of the crates, all seemed empty.  He sat on the metal table, a few newspapers sprawled out and a white dish used as a makeshift ashtray. 
“Look at this,” he pulled out a small ziplock bag filled with different sugar-coated candy like Skittles. He takes one out and puts it in his mouth, licking the sugar off his fingers. You took the bag from him, smelling the contents; sweet and fresh. “Want one?”
“You idiot! I don’t think this is candy,” you took the bag inside your pocket, Pietro smirking. “We have to send this to the lab.”
“It’s fine, fast metabolism remember?” he shrugged. 
The plane ride back to the compound was quiet. Pietro sat away from you and kept to himself, which was very unusual. He would always try to bother you while you flew the quinjet, always teasing and messing around, but right now he was slumped over to the side using his phone. 
You arrived at the compound a few hours later, the airdock marshalls taking over the jet. You asked other agents to rush to Dr. Cho’s lab to send the candy samples. “Pietro and I found this on patrol tonight,” you gave the pack to her assistants before they went on to test the samples. 
Your phone dinged to a message from Pietro. Meet me in the conference room at 4B ASAP. 
“Fine, I’m an idiot,” he said. “My dick has been so hard for the past five hours and I can’t make it go away!”
“Your what?” you looked at the tent in between his legs, his knuckles were pale white as he gripped onto his pants. “Well I knew it was a drug but I didn’t know it was that kind!”
“What are we gonna do?” he said, his silver-gray hair all tousled over his forehead. He zoomed around and around the room, a cobalt blur blew gusts of wind everywhere he went. He stopped in a corner, his legs shaking and his face flushed. 
“We?” you clamored. “How the fuck am I supposed to help?”
“I don’t know you’re smarter than me!” his eyes widened, his voice shaking, sweat dripping down his forehead. He braced for another run but you held onto his arm. He shuddered, his skin was hot. 
“We should tell Dr. Cho,” you said. “Get you medicine or something.” 
“Absolutely not,” he pleaded. “It’s embarrassing,” his eyes wandered all over the room as if the answers were written on the walls. “We should deal with this the way it's intended.”
“Yeah, no,” you said before turning for the door. Pietro suddenly was in front of you blocking your exit. 
“Please draga—“ his lips were dead set. Pietro was an ill-tempered man, his demeanor was quick like his abilities, charismatic but also stubborn. You thought for a second, you’re helping a co-worker that’s all right?
“Well, how do we do it?” you said. He removed his jacket, and his blue shirt underneath. You marveled at his taut chest, the ridged cuts across his abdomen, and the two lines pointing down his sex. You tried to look away, but you couldn’t believe someone could look like that, like a Greek sculpture. 
“Come here,” he said, pulling you into a kiss. His lips were warm against yours, his stubble pricking at your cheeks. Your hands find his chest for stability, snaking around his neck to pull him closer. His large arms circle around your waist, finding the hem of your pants and going through to your ass. 
He spun you around and pinned your hands above your head, using his other hand to pull your pants down. He smoothed his palms on the plump mounds before giving it a spank, leaving it a red blush. He practically rips his pants open, his thick cock hard and leaking. He spits on his free hand, using it to prepare you. 
“I’m gonna go in okay?” he said in a whimpering tone. You nod, your cheeks warm. He spits again to lube his cock before feeling the pressure on your hole. It was sharp for a bit, the pressure easing as he flushed himself in, the base of his cock hitting your ass. He stops for a second, relishing the heat from your body. “So tight—”
You grunted when he pulled out, only to thrust back in. He began to fuck you at a languid pace, the sensation soothing the tingly feeling Pietro got from the drug. He tried to go slower, to make sure you won’t get hurt but he couldn’t. As you tried to move your hips at the same beat of his body he started to—vibrate. 
You let out a gasp, you thought of the toy you had at home, the one you use thinking about him, but the speed and intensity could not rival him. Pietro let out a series of cusses in Sokovian, it sounded like he was pleading to a god. Your knees turned wobbly from his thrusts, his body vibrating at a pace that made your eyes roll back, your own sex hard and leaking in your trousers. 
“Pietro—fuck,” you moaned.
“I can’t control it, you’re too warm,” his words shaking. “And good,” He let go of your hands, shifting to your waist, he gripped so hard you knew it would bruise. He moved quicker, like a piledriver into you, it stung but the pleasure of hitting your prostate compensated. 
When gripping onto your waist wasn’t enough, he wrapped his arms around your body hugging you, and began to thrust into you harder, his silver hair plastered on his forehead wet. Your body tried to keep you up but your legs betrayed you. You fell down, his cock pulling out. “I can’t stand.”
He pulls you to the table nearby, propping you with your legs on his shoulders. He lines himself back into your hole driving back into his thrusts. The vibrating began again, shaking the table as he gripped it on its edge. You let out desperate cries, he tried to soothe you by kissing your lips, drool dripping from the corner of your mouth. “I’m close—” he cried out.
You nodded, the constant stimulation to your prostate was going to make you cum untouched. His thrusts became erratic, still a vibrating mess. Pietro stood up and you marveled at the glistening sight, his abdomen contracting and relaxing on each thrust, his head pulled back and his lids closed. 
And then the climax hit, cum shooting inside you in thick, your own release spewing on your belly. The vibration slows, Pietro a panting mess for once, a side of him you’ve never seen. He places a peck on your lips and mouths praises. 
“So about that date?”
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st7rnioioss · 3 months
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˚ ༘♡ ⋆。 is there someone else?
𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: matt sturniolo x reader
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: you and matt get into an argument, but end up making up again.
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: angsty, argument, happy ending, kissing, swearing.
a/n: hi guys. sorry if this sucks ass, ive never rlly attempted to write angst before. hope i did it somewhat right LMFAOOO.
i took inspo from @evie-sturns 's empty bed!! make sure to check theirs out if u havent already😉😉
───────── 🐇
The last few days had been rough for you. Work had completely consumed all of your time and energy out of you.
Your days consisted of waking up, drinking a redbull, work, redbull, more work, and sleep. This cycle had left you completely ruined Friday night.
Finally, you closed your computer, looking at the clock in your kitchen.
12:46 am. Fuck.
You slowly opened the door into your and Matt’s room, finding him sitting back against the headboard, watching TikTok. You slowly snuggled into bed beside Matt, wrapping an arm around his waist, trying to pull him closer to you. He didn’t budge. You kinda expected him to put his phone down and wrap his arms around you, pulling you into a warm embrace, but no.
“Matt, is everything alright?” you mumbled, looking up at him. He didn’t pay attention to his phone that was playing, but he was avoiding your stare.
“Hm,” was all he said, continuing to mindlessly scroll. This was very unlike Matt, which irritated you. What the fuck had you done to piss him off this much? Normally he wouldn’t keep his hands off of you.
“Alright..” you murmured, almost whispering as you turned your back to him, trying to fall asleep. Of course, you couldn’t. You never went to bed without a “goodnight” or at least a kiss on the forehead. There was silence for God knows how long, until he put his phone down to go to sleep. He turned his back against yours. This kinda pissed you off as well, but you didn’t act on it. Instead, you turned to face his back, running a hand from his shoulders down his back.
“Don’t fucking touch me,” he snapped, pulling away from your touch.
What the actual fuck? 
“Matt, what the fuck is wrong with you? You’ve been acting strange all day! Just tell me what’s going on. Is it me? Work? Your brothers? Fans?” you tried guessing, but he didn’t budge. He didn’t want to join you for lunch earlier, dinner, even when you asked him if he wanted to go for a walk, which he normally never let down.
You were sitting up, leaning over his body that was in a fetal position. He then sat up in front of you, looking down at you, his face serious.
“You wanna know what’s wrong? You’ve been ignoring me all fucking week. We haven’t exchanged a word, you’ve gone to bed without telling me, and we’re eating dinner at different times now, and you’re always on your goddamn phone! Are you avoiding me?” he yelled with a frown, his lower lip quivering. What? 
“Matt, you’re starting to sound like my mom! I’ve been working my ass off all fucking week, don’t put it all on me! I’m sorry that I’m busy working and can’t be all over you all the time, but I actually have meetings to be in, emails to answer, and reports to write!” you yelled back. Tears were now rolling down your cheeks. You didn’t realize it until now, but practically your whole body was shaking, from both anger, but also an intense amount of anxiety. You’ve only been in a fight with Matt once, and it never got to this point.
There was silence for a bit. Your eyes were darting between his, your breaths quickening.
“Y/n, is there someone else?” he then whispered, his teeth gritted. Tears were brimming in his waterline, ready to roll down his cheeks. You stiffened. Someone else?
“What- Matt, no! No, there is no one else!” you were blinking quickly, not even trying to hold back the tears that were forming in your eyes, once again.
“I’ll go sleep on the couch…” he whispered with a slow nod, grabbing his pillow from the bed, and standing up to walk to the couch. Um, what?
You lied in bed for an hour or two. Maybe three. Your mind was still processing what you and Matt had just discussed. Had I really been doing all that unintentionally? Am really such a shitty girlfriend? Then you decided to go down to the living room where Matt was. You just couldn’t agree to go to sleep while being mad at each other. 
Slowly, you listed down the stairs into the living, immediately spotting Matt on the couch, again tucked up in a fetal position.
“Matt? Are you awake?” you whispered, leaning over him to run a hand through his hair. Matt then slowly turned his head, opening his red eyes to look at you.
“Oh, Matt..” you cooed, frowning your brows. He had been crying, hard. Matt’s pillow was basically drenched. You sat down on the couch, cupping his face to pull him into your chest.
Matt immediately broke into sobs, wrapping his arms around your waist, just above your hip.
“I’m so so sorry, Matt. Work has been sucking the energy out of me. I’ve been such a shit girlfriend,” your voice broke a couple of times as you whispered, pressing a kiss to his head. Matt was still crying, nuzzling his face into your shirt (which had been his once).
“No, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have overreacted like that, I know how tough it can be. I’m so sorry, I just- I miss you. I feel like I haven’t spoken to you for a whole week,” he cried, pulling you even closer to him. His fingers were trailing up and down your back, occasionally rubbing circles against your soft skin.
“I know, and that’s my fault. I need to balance work and my life with you. You mean the world to me.” you chuckled slightly through your own tears. “And no, there is no one else. I’m so madly in love with you, you wouldn’t believe it,” you laughed, earning a soft chuckle from Matt as well. 
He raised his head from your embrace, looking up at you with a soft smile.
“I love you, y/n,” he whispered, pulling you closer to him, and leaving a gentle kiss on your lips. A small smile played on your lips as he kissed you. You then pulled away, resting a hand on his cheek, gently wiping the, almost dried-out, tears off of his cheeks.
“I love you even more. And I’m sorry for being an ass, again. I swear, I’ll make it up to you this weekend,” you whispered, a giggle leaving your lips as you realized Matt was blushing.
You ended the night cuddled up with Matt on the couch. The both of you were way too tired to go all the way up to your bedroom, but you didn’t mind. At all actually. The tight space, huge soft blanket, Matt’s body pressed up against yours, his arms wrapped tightly around your waist. Couldn’t get any better. He occasionally left small I love you’s, kisses to the back of your neck, down to your shoulder, and the crook of your neck, which made you chuckle tiredly since it tickled.
“Matt stop, I’m way too tired. We can do this all day tomorrow, I promise, just please let me sleep,” you yawned, trying to push him away.
“Fine,” he huffed, leaning closer to you. “We should go out for lunch on Sunday. I’ll pay,” he mumbled, his voice rasped from the crying earlier, his fingers playing with your hair.
“Is that an invite? Or an order?” you giggled, turning your head to face him in the dim light from the moon.
“Take it as I don’t have a choice, hm?”
“Alright then, as long as you pay you’ve got my attention,” you joked, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. You’re sure he was blushing because the rest he was saying just came out as stutters and nervous mumbles.
a/n: heloo i hope u liked this🤗 i dont know why i linked the song, i just really like the cover LMFAOOOO
taglist: @chrissgirlsstuff @leah-loves-lilies @toriiniie @lacysturniolo @ukiyosturniolo @iluvmattyb @ratatioulle @sturniolho @cupidzsq
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evie-sturns · 4 months
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𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 - 𝘊𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴 𝘚𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘰
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summary: you've been pissing chris off all day, accidentally knocking his stuff over, purposely teasing him in public, to the point where he starts to get seriously mad at you to the point where he has to put you in your place.
warnings: smut, rough!chris, use of safe word, argument, swearing.
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I didn't know that what i was doing was affecting chris this much, I mean, today has just been like any other. I hung out with my boyfriend of 2 months, chris, the whole day with his brothers and friends.
he seem's to be extra on edge today, ever since i broke one of his cologne bottles.
(flashback)
hey chris, im just gonna head downstairs- SMASH
"oh fuck i'm so sorry i'll clean that up now-" i said, getting on my hands and knees and collecting the shards of black glass. "y/n just go downstairs, get out of my room please." chris spoke, glaring down at me. "i'm so sorry chris, i can buy you anothe-" i was cut off by him picking me up and placing me outside of his bedroom.
(present)
me, chris, nathan, nick and matt are sitting on the sturniolos couch as the sun sets through the window to our right, a dim light fills the living room as matt and nick have an argument, god knows what its about.
im cudding up to chris's side, my leg resting over his thigh as he scrolls on his phone aimlessly. ive been sitting here for about an hour, i think chris is still pissed about the cologne bottle incident. i hate to admit it, but chris when hes mad is the hottest version of him.
i move my leg from his thigh up to his lap, using my leg to rub him very softly through his sweatpants. he grabs my leg, pushing it off him "stop that." he whispers, shaking his head at me. "stop what?" i ask, a guilty smile tugging at the corners of my lips as i move my leg back to its original position, applying more pressure on his crotch.
right before he's about to grab my leg again nathan starts - "whos up for top golf!" he says, looking around the room with a smile on his face. "nate its late." matt speaks, leaning back against the couch.
"so you're boring?" nate tuts.
"fine, only if the others go though." nick says, standing up off the couch. "chris, y/n?" he says, looking at us.
im about to agree but chris answers for me "were staying here." he says, his tone angry.
i look at chris with a confused look, but hes back to scrolling on his phone. "well me, matt and nate are going, we'll be a few hours." nick says, grabbing his coat and phone.
matt and nathan follow nick out the door, giving me and chris a small wave before slamming the front door shut.
chris stands up, leaving me on the couch, he faces me "what the fuck is wrong with you!" he yells. "what?" i say defensively, moving back against the couch, my eyes widening from the sudden raise of his voice.
"what!!??" he mocks, before starting
"this whole day you've been on my last nerve, and I'm sick of it. You've ruined half the shit in my room then you start touching up on my dick in front of my brothers?"
my jaw is slack, in pure shock as he flames me, i can't help my attitude start to build up, i scoff "not my fault you've been sensitive and pissy all day, sorry that im clumsy today?" i bite back, rolling my eyes.
chris stares at me "you have no respect for any of my shit, youve gone and shattered my $450 cologne that nick got me and you expect me to be happy? pathetic." he yells.
a few tears drop from my eyes, i don't know why. his words aren't hurting me but he knows i can't deal with people yelling at me. my attitude keeps up though "if you're gonna be so sensitive go cry in your room christopher." i fold my arms.
chris storms out of the living room, slamming the door to the bathroom shut.
i wipe my eyes before standing up, running upstairs into chris's room. its already been decided that im staying the night here by nick, so i decide to get into my pyjamas.
i pull my shirt off over my head, revealing my white lacy bra which i especially wore for chris, i was expecting a different evening with us.
suddenly i hear the bedroom door open behind me, chris storms in before walking up to me, i swing my body around to look at him. he grabs me by my throat, i gasp loudly as he grabs me, throwing me down on the mattress.
i sink my teeth into my bottom lip as i look up at him, before pulling him down into an angry kiss. he pulls away, ripping off his shirt. "built up a bit of an attitude today haven't you?" he mumbles, yanking my shorts and panties off in one motion.
he reaches a hand under me onto my back, flipping me over onto my stomach.
he grabs my ankles, forcing me onto all fours. i whine, desperatly. "so needy aren't you." he says, yanking down his sweatpants. i look over my shoulder at him.
"hand behind your back." he demands, putting his hand out. i put my hands behind my back, chris grabs both of my wrists with one hand. holding them, forcing me to arch.
"chirs.." i groan, squirming slightly, his hand collides with my clit. "fuck!" i yelp, chris shushes me "why do you think you deserve my dick after giving me such an attitude today hm?"
he lines himself up with me, pulling my wrists closer to him, my chest and head are fully off the bed as my back arches more then i knew it ever could.
without warning her slams into me, i let out a loud cry from the sudden stretch. "dont. make. a noise." he says, slamming into me at a brutal pace. i let out pathetic whimpers as i'm held in place by him.
he reaches his spare hand round, shoving two fingers in my mouth.
chris has never been like this in bed, im in total shock as he fucks the attitude out of me.
without warning i clench around him, releasing the knot in my stomach. his thrusts don't slow, i wouldn't be wrong if i said they quickened.
im so sensitive, my vision blurry as he takes what he needs from me.
we've had a safe word established for a while, we made it while we were in a stupid mood, so it has a stupid name. 'dinosaur' , but ive never even thought about using it until now.
"chris.. chris chris." i groan, tears streaming down my face from the intensity. "fuck- d-dinosaur" i cry out, chris stops thrusting instantly, checking to see if he heard right.
"dinosaur.." i whisper.
chris pulls out instantly, he gently releases the painful grip on my wrists, as he collapses down next to me, sitting on the bed, pulling me onto his lap in a cradling me.
"hey hey.. don't cry sweetheart." he whispers into my hair, grabbing his shirt and pulling it onto me. "are you alright baby? too much?" he coos, rubbing my arms. "please speak to me gorgeous."
i nod into his chest, "im fine, just sensitive.." i stammer.
"oh okay i'm so sorry" he says, pure guilt in his voice as he stands up, holding me like a bride.
suddenly i let out a small laugh, he looks down, confusion painted across his face.
"wait.. whats funny?" he questions
"what were we thinking when we came up with that safeword." i laugh into his chest.
——-----------●∘◦❀◦∘●●∘◦❀◦∘●--------------———
this might be my last fic for a few days cause school is starting up tomorrow.
1K notes · View notes
alonetimelover · 9 months
Text
pairing: Harry Styles x booktuber!reader
summary: A new series on ynrecommends channel on YT called Celebrity Book Club grabbed Harry's attention. Now, they are simply joined at the hip. As friends. Right?
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yourinstagram
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liked by harryupdates, yourbestfriend and 17 291 others
yourinstagram hello! i started a new series on my YouTube channel - celebrity book club! my first victim was the one and only - Harry Styles. he has an... interesting library to recommend. click the link in bio if you want to watch me gush over harry, new bookshop I found and the best coffee ive ever made!! byeee, xx
also, you harries are too good with photoshop. i was sure he was reading book lovers...
view all 2 302 comments
yourbestfriend bestie gettin' famous!!!!
⤷ yourinstagram i knew it was a bad idea to listen to you...
⤷ yourbestfriend people need to know how great of a booktuber and reader you are
harryupdates that's a great video! i immediately subscribed to your channel!
⤷ yourinstagram thank you! I hope you'll find something for yourself there, xx
user22 came here from yt! fantastic video
user39 your editing skills are amazing!!
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harryupdates
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liked by hArrysbtch, yourinstagram and 34 402 others
harryupdates yn from ynrecommends on yt did a video where she read all the books that Harry has ever recommended. she is hilarious, very sweet, and absolutely clever. watch it when you have some spare time, you won't be disappointed!!
view all 5 201 comments
hArrysbtch ive been watching her videos for months!!! thank god she finally gets the spotlight she deserves
⤷ harrysmoustache does she (like most of the booktubers) sugar-coat everything or she's just blunt?
⤷ hArrysbtch oh she's super down to earth! she also does those instagram lives where she talks about the latest book(s) she's read. super funny and laid back
⤷ harrysmoustache oh, thank god! i was looking for someone like that! im diving into her channel right now!
yourinstagram thank you so much! thanks to you, you harries are flooding my socials!! (im not complaining) xx
⤷ harryupdates can't wait for another video!
harryshoee she's so beautiful, too! and loves cats!
harrysmylife "harry, if you ever watch it, let's pretend you guys, if you ever watch it, i recommend you diving into Toshikazu Kawaguchi" she has TASTE, let me tell you
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harrymylove
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liked by harryupdates, hArrysbtch and 22 301 others
harrymylove I'VE MET HARRY YESTERDAY!!!! look at him and my doggy Bart. i still can't process it...
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hArrysbtch how was it???
⤷ harrymylove it was so lovely! he was kind enough to take a photo and talk with me for a while!
⤷ hArrysbtch what did you talk about? pls spill the tea
⤷ harrymylove im an English major so i asked him about some book recommendations. he answered with "i didn't have much time to read anything new recently. but was recommended and just bought Toshikazu Kawaguchi's books, so maybe this author"
hArrysbtch Kawaguchi???? after yn recommend that to him in a video???? he watched her video??? yourinstagram
harrysmoustache I've just started reading 'before the coffee gets cold' and looooove it!!
harryupdates do we think he actually watched yn's video?
⤷ hArrysbtch i hope so!
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harryupdates
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liked by hArrysbtch, harrymylove and 45 302 others
harryupdates HARRY'S official YT channel left a comment on ynrecommends latest video!!
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hArrysbtch that bish said 'let me break the internet and use me fuckin phone'
hArrysbtch unbelievable...
harrymylove he watched the video that's why he recommended me Kawaguchi... im melting
harrysmoustache i hope that he loves it as much as i did!!!
harrysmylife 'love, h xx' let me go cry in the corner
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yourinstagram
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liked by yourbestfriend, harrystyles and 67 492 others
yourinstagram hopefully, this date will be successful
view all 9 201 comments
yourbestfriend was it?
⤷ yourinstagram after a couple glasses of wine, we moved to the bedroom
⤷ yourbestfriend STOP
⤷ yourinstagram never praise a ford till you get over...
harrystyles Assuming it wasn't successful, do you have any dates free?
⤷ yourinstagram i'll need to check my calendar, although i only attend when coffee (or wine) and good books are provided
⤷ harrystyles Done.
⤷ yourinstagram i'll think about it 🫣
harryupdates oh those are so tricky!!!
hArrysbtch stop, i also had an awful blind date with a book...
⤷ yourinstagram that's the worst! i just need to read the synopsis and thena few pages to decide if I want to buy it
harrysmoustache why is nobody talking about harry being in the comment section??? ASKING HER OUT??? who is this man??? what's happening
⤷ user93 well, it's clearly not him typing or even controlling it! the managmet took it over long ago!
⤷ harrysmoustache and they say im delulu...
harrysmylife SHUT UP !!! avtivrry is my favourite harry, like??? what do you mean he can type the comment? the flirty one? the one asking a girl out? like???
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harrystyles via close friends IG stories
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harrystyles
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liked by yourinstagram, harryupdates and 4 292 294 others
harrystyles 11.08.2023 📚
view all 23 292 comments
yourinstagram you did not buy them just for yourself
⤷ harrystyles Wouldn't you like to know 😎
harryupdates Well-read king that we stan
hArrysbtch I'm connecting the dots here
harrysmylife welcome back 2013 Harry, how have you been?
harrysfan83 since that girls yt video, he became obsessed with books...
⤷ harrymylove it's called getting a crush on somebody
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hArrysbtch
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liked by harryupdates and 4 492 others
hArrysbtch sooo, this is a still from yn's latest video... that stack of books looks awfully familiar to the one that Harry posted a week or so ago... coincidence? i don't think so. plus!!!! she did say she didn't spend a penny on those books
view all 928 comments
harrysmoustache if they are together, i feel like the fandom would love her
⤷ hArrysbtch i would hope so!
harrysmylife relationship, friendship or whatever -ship it is, im here for itttt
user94 y'all are really reaching now...
harryupdates it's the way she was glowing in that video for me! she looked so happy
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yourinstagram
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liked by hArrysbtch, harrystyles and 76 301 others
yourinstagram when they read your recommendations>>>
view all 8 492 comments
hArrysbtch now let him play patroclus in a movie, i dare you Hollywood
⤷ harrysmoustache who would you choose as Achilles??
⤷ hArrysbtch you know what? let him be Achilles and Timothee would be Patroclus
⤷ harrysmylife this adaptation with this casting would cure me, for real
harrysmoustache he's in his lover era
harrystyles I love reading your copies of books with all the 'cute' and 'slay' and 'I LOVE THEM'.
⤷ yourinstagram it's called active reading
⤷ harrystyles No, its not.
⤷ yourinstagram party pooper
yourbestfriend thanks for inviting me!!!
⤷ harrystyles Do yo want to join us?
⤷ yourbestfriend I knew I liked you for a good reason
harrysfan45 so she is the girl from those pap photos
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harryupdates
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liked by harrysmoustache, stylesbabie and 87 392 others
harryupdates HARRY taking photos of YN in Italy!!
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hArrysbtch melting
harrysmoustache what in the world...
stylesbabie i know exactly what that photo is focusing on
⤷ user42 what?
⤷ stylesbabie (•) (•)
⤷ harrysmoustache in the wise words of Steve Harrington: BOOBIES
harrysmylife so they are dating
⤷ user93 no one confirmed it
⤷ harryupdates good luck with waiting for Harry, confirming that he is/isn't in a relationship
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yourinstagram
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liked by harrystyles, yourbestfriend and 291 492 others
yourinstagram the promised vlog is up on my channel! grab some good drink and a snack for a quick talk about being single, vulnerability, loving your friends more than anything and - of course - some good books I've read in Italy!!!
view all 16 302 others
harrystyles I see the similarities between pictures 3 and 4
⤷ yourinstagram well, one is a cute little creature and the other is a sweet creature
⤷ harrystyles Good one.
hArrysbtch best vlog I've ever watched!!! Good job!
harrysmoustache being single??? what do you mean? i was rooting for you...
⤷ stylesbabie ...we were all rooting for you
harryupdates great recommendations as always!!! my tbr is growing with each of your video
celebrityupdates Single? Our sources are saying quite otherwise!
⤷ user56 spill the tea!!!!
⤷ celebrityupdates Link in bio to all the things you need to know about this romance!
⤷ harrysmylife it's like a man and a woman cannot be friends
⤷ hArrysbtch here we go again...
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a/n: do we want to see more of them?
1K notes · View notes
elordilover · 3 months
Note
Hellooo ✨️ Could you write a friends to lovers walker x reader where reader plays walker's love interest ? Like everyone in the cast can see they like each other but them, and they get jealous when other people show interest in each other? Thank youu ❤️‍🩹
yess! thank you so much for the request!
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“just friends”
pairing: walker scobell x fem! reader
summary: you play walker’s love interest in the pjo series, but is your romance just for the cameras?
warnings: none, not proofread, sorry if this is like my other friends to lovers with walker, it’s my fav trope i can’t help myself 💀
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“cmon just talk to him, everyone can tell you guys like each other!” dior told you.
“yeah i like him but he doesn’t like me i promise, we’ve had this conversation a million times already!” you told her.
“okay but the way he looks at you says otherwise”, she said, trying to prove her point. “Y/N i promise he does, i’ll ask him today”
“wait don’t”, you said quickly grabbing her phone, “don’t ask him, then he’ll know that i like him!”
“that’s the whole point Y/N! we are trying to set you up”, she protested.
—————
meanwhile:
“dude she likes you i promise”, aryan told walker.
“she could have anyone else, she would never date me”, walker said.
“i promise, just talk to her about it. you guys hang out all the time, aren’t you guys hanging out tomorow? just ask her then”, aryan said while putting this plan into action.
“no. tomorrows too early, maybe after the press tour”
“promise?” aryan said while he stuck out his pinky.
“promise.” walker said while bringing out his pinky and sealing the promise.
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it was the day after you and dior had the conversation. you were with walker right now, laying on his bed and talking, randomly showing each other tiktoks. he felt like home.
walker turned his head to look at you, “are you ready for all the interviews?”
“kind of. i’m excited to wear cute outfits, but not excited for dumb questions”, being this close to him game you butterflies. you could see his light freckles and the light pink flush on his cheeks. his beautiful blue eyes shined in the sun. you were sure your cheeks were bright red.
“same, im excited to be back with everyone though” he said while looking right into your eyes.
“same!!”, you said excitingly, “i can’t wait to see aryan again he’s so funny”, you said.
“yeah…. he is”, walker replied seeming more distant, you didn’t know why though. he kind of seemed jealous because you mentioned aryan.
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it was the first day of the press tour, it was the pjo series premier. you got dressed with leah and dior in your hotel room, there was also hairdressers and stylists with you. you were wearing a beautiful blue gown, with lace sleeves. leah was wearing a beautiful gold and blue gown.
you guys met up with the guys before walking the carpet for interviews, walker was wearing a deep navy suit. it complemented his eyes so well. he looked beautiful.
—————
“how did your relationships grow during filming?”, the interviewer asked, she had long beautiful blond hair with a gold dress.
“yeah i definitely grew closer to everyone during filming, especially walker and aryan, since i was filming with them all the time. i consider them my best friends now, they are the funniest people ive ever met. and ive met the coolest people through filming this show”, you replied reminiscing on your filming experience.
“amazing. what was your favorite scene to film?”, she asked noticing how you kept looking toward the left, where walker was being interviewed.
“ummmmm”, you said trying to find and answer. you looked over to walker to find a familiar face. you saw the lights hit his face in a way that he looked magical. you could stare at that face forever. he turned his head and looked at you, your cheeks heated up immediately as he waved to you.
“my favorite scene to film was probably a scene in the last episode. i can’t spoil anything but it was definitely my favorite to film, you’ll guys will see soon!!”
“niceeee well we will let you go! you look beautiful tonight Y/N!”
“thank you! you do too!” you replied.
you walked to the left and walked past walker.
“Y/N!” he called out to you, “come here” you walked back over to him and he stretched out his arms to hug you.
“hey Y/N” the interviewer said, “there’s one question i’ve been dying to ask you both”
“hi! what is it?” you said as walker also said “okay, ask away”
“okay, are you guys sure there’s nothing going on backstage with you guys?” he asked.
“oh um”, you said nervously, you didn’t know what to answer, so you let walker,
“no, there’s not. we are best friends tho! but yeah we keep the romance on screen” walker answers while you nodded to his answer.
even though you guys weren’t dating, that hurt for him to say. it shouldn’t, but it does. you felt betrayed. there was really no reason for feeling this way.
“but are you sure you are “just friends”’ he asked again.
“we are sure, i promise”, you answered to give walker a break.
—————
it was a couple days after the premier, you till replayed walker looking at you and hugging you in your mind. you and the younger kids of the cast were hanging out.
“oh my god”, dior said while she was scrolling through her phone.
“what”, you all said in unison.
“i’m gonna send it, y’all have to see this”, she replied.
you picked up your phone and watched the tiktok she sent all of you. it was a tiktok using the clips from the premier shipping you and walker. your cheeks immediately flushed and you looked over at walker. his cheeks grew a light pink and he gave you an upside down smile.
“stop it right now”, aryan said while slightly laughing.
“i mean it’s a good ship”, walker said quietly while shrugging his shoulders.
“i mean yeah it is”, you agreed as you liked the video and saved it.
“i see these all the time, y’all are cute”, dior said while smiling ear to ear.
“they are!!” aryan agreed.
you looked over at walker and noticed how red his cheeks were, yours were too. maybe he did like you all this time….
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thank you for reading! feedback is appreciated!
*i will most likely write a part 2 for this so send in ideas for it!!*
🎀🪩🪞🛋️💌🖇️🥿🐞🌺🌎🫧🥒🫐🍦🥄🎱🩰
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buckets-and-trees · 10 months
Text
Desperate [Bucky x Reader]
Fandom: MCU Title: Desperate Characters/Pairings: Bucky Barnes x female!Reader Word Count: 3k 
Summary: Enemies? Rivals? It's always been reluctant teamwork between you and the Winter Soldier, but when put in a situation where personal feelings have to be put aside, maybe actual personal feelings are uncovered.
Content Warnings: kidnapping, sex pollen ergo DUBIOUS CONSENT, sexual situations (named acts, non-explicit depictions of vaginal sex), medical elements (needles, IVs, experience of medical distress)
Thank You Notes: BIGGEST SHOUT OUTS to @sgt-seabass who beta loved this into what it is and @vonalyn who helped supply me with some of the vital energy I needed. This was SUPPOSED to be an answer to this little sleepover ask @povlvr had graced me with... but then it became this! Logistical Notes: Filling my eleventh square for Bucky Barnes Bingo @buckybarnesbingo - Y2 "Reluctant Teamwork" and @buckybarnesevents Hot Bucky Summer Week 9 which is technically a "FREE WEEK" but had sex pollen listed as one of the suggested things to play with, so... that's why we're here now.
↠ Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest
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You were an old SHIELD contact that Steve knew before Project Insight. He didn't know you well then, but you had crossed paths a few times. You were an analyst sometimes assigned to Steve's missions. You went to work for the CIA after the Triskellion takedown, where you stayed for a couple of years, before eventually moving into the private sector.
When Steve, Nat, Sam, and Wanda were outlaws on the run, they bumped into you again, and you became an ally and valuable contact in your new area of the country - and ultimately a friend. And trusted enough that you knew about Bucky - and Bucky heard about you.
Bucky didn't love that you were an element in Steve's life. He hadn't met you, hadn't been able to get his own read on you. 
He'd been wary initially about Nat, Sam, and Wanda, but he'd been able to meet them and build his own trust - and they'd all ultimately put their lives and reputations on the line for him. 
It wasn't that he was distrustful of everyone anymore and needed people to put their lives on the line to prove themselves. Those who had sided with Steve over Tony in the Zemo affair aside, he'd also learned to trust others again in Wakanda with so many of the royal family and the royal guard building relationships with him. 
But with you he didn’t know you, and so he didn't like it.
What Bucky loathed even more? 
You didn't blip out. For five years, you were there for Steve when he couldn't be. You were apparently there so much that when Steve left, he fucking said to watch out for you. The punk.
Bucky didn’t know Steve dropped in on you, too, and asked you to keep an eye out for Bucky the day he gave Sam the shield. You promised you would.
You reached out. Not immediately, but in the weeks after.
Bucky was... less than kind.
Frankly, he was surly, ungrateful, short, and rude. 
Pieces were moving and with Bucky's reappearance in the United States, the question of his future was an immediate concern. Public and government representatives were demanding trials, pardons, and all the rest.
You told him you had found an excellent contact for a lawyer.
"No, thanks, I can find my own," the words were polite, but the tone was clipped, flat, low - almost a growl. 
Being so abruptly shut down, you decided to cut the phone call first and on your terms, so you wished him luck - managing to be more polite than him, making it sound genuine - and hung up.
You called Matt Murdock yourself, and told him about Bucky's case.
You did it only because of your promise to Steve.
And a little bit because you knew you were fucking right and that Bucky needed your lawyer contact. 
Matt chuckled, told you he knew about stubbornness, and that he'd go about approaching the Winter Soldier diplomatically and professionally.
Matt pulled off the best possible pardon deal, even if not everything about it was ideal.
When Pepper decided to get back into some of the Avenger support again - after the Flag Smashers business - so she could provide some more trustworthy resources for Sam and Bucky and the old crowd, you were one of the people she ended up scouting and recruiting to come work on the direct home support team with research and tactical support. Sometimes you went into the field with the team, but usually you stayed at home base and relayed with the agents over comms. 
This was not because you weren't outstanding, but because it was clear the less time you and Bucky spent in proximity to each other, the less awkward it was for everyone else on the team. You were both professional enough to keep the animosity out of things during a mission over comms, and that was about it. 
Otherwise, it was silent treatment and resentment.
Neither of you extended the woes of your dislike for each other actively to anyone else on the team, keeping your mouths shut about your feelings, and engaging in only occasional and minimal eye-rolling when either of you was mentioned. Bucky made a point of giving you electrolyte-enhanced waters first whenever you did go into the field on a mission with them, as if you were a toddler who couldn’t take care of yourself. 
Sitting by you at a holiday dinner at Sam’s you almost thought there was a moment of thaw between you and the Winter Soldier, but you didn’t push the almost comfortable silence between you to anything more - knowing it had been long-established he only tolerated you. It was clearly only a temporary pause, meaning very little as Bucky continued to push for you not being put into the field with them. You didn’t need to be around his close scrutiny. He made getting over any initial crush you might have had on him very easy. 
Things were fine like that for a little over a year. 
And then you were abducted on your way back from a mission outside of Paris where you had been part of the local ground team, taken and smuggled out of the airport. It was not HYDRA this time, just leftover cretins who blipped away but now were back, stirring up their own operation which hoped to double down on being even more nefarious. They were interested in testing some of their new methods and resources while also trying to extract some sensitive information.
Why not kill two birds with one stone by snatching up a well-connected and informed analyst at the heart of the neo-Avengers operation?
They recovered files from debunked HYDRA facilities (hard drives were wiped, but motivated hackers knew how to dig beneath what had been wiped to recover remnants - in hindsight, SHIELD should have taken the tech to a secure location) and developed an even more concentrated and powerful form of sex pollen. They were interested in how it would be absorbed in both the aerosol and liquid forms they had developed. Why not try out both forms on you? 
The aerosol was potent enough, but not in a way that would break you for their line of inquiries.
So, they injected it right into your veins.
Compounding with what had already been ingested into your system, everything intensified, and you - much more quickly than they anticipated - moved past what may have been a state where they could've coaxed the information they wanted out of you. 
Quickly you progressed to the point where you were consumed by this toxin, your body raging and desperate for the physical activity that will get you to a sexual release and flush the toxin from your system. You were keening and moaning and crying, covered in sweat, straining painfully against your bonds, unable to focus on anything anyone said to you. 
You were incoherent and not far from feral. 
Having gone beyond the point you could be giving them intelligence, you were still useful to provide information as the test subject, and they kept you on it through an IV drip to see the limits of what an average female body could take before it was completely broken.
You had absolutely no sense of how long this went on, only that you were not even crying tears anymore, just dry sobbing and wailing, because everything in your throat, and in your veins, and in your chest, and in your vagina burned. 
It was an agony you'd never experienced in your life. 
You vaguely registered a cacophony of sound around you, but it was like it was coming to you through a long dark tunnel, distorted and distant, and you couldn’t open your eyes to see what is going on, not that you could even think to or were capable of caring about anything other than the desperate purgatory you were enduring until you finally passed out.
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Bucky and Sam were nearly back to base ops in New York from the Paris mission when the news of your abduction came through, and they turned around immediately. Teams working at home and in Paris - and Bucky in the air while Sam piloted - narrowed your likely whereabouts down to two locations: somewhere near Versailles (because of course evil operations are drawn to the ideas of opulence) or a compound outside of Brussels. 
Time already against them, Sam and Bucky made the tough decision that they needed to split up so they could investigate both options as quickly as humanly possible. Sam dropped Bucky at the well-equipped safe house less than an hour away from the suspected Versailles compound and then headed to Brussels.
After arming himself to the teeth as quickly as he could, Bucky fired up the Ducati in the garage of the safehouse that had been equipped with a noise dampener by your tech engineers, punched in his navigational coordinates, and pushed to top speeds to get to there, stashing the bike half a kilometer away so he could make the rest of the approach in complete stealth.
The operation was much smaller than he anticipated, but because of its size it was almost immediately apparent to Bucky that this was where they had you, and he was also confident he would be able to drop this operation and get to you without as much trouble as he expected.
But in no way could he have predicted the state he would find you in.
He heard your agonizing cries and keening within moments of entering the facility, and he'd already dropped four agents at that point, but the excruciating pain he heard from you was its own form of torture in itself. 
He picked up the pace, tearing ruthlessly through everyone else that came between him and you.
He got the full view of the condition you were in only moments before you passed out. He quickly undid all the bindings and removed everything they had attached to monitor your vitals. He unhooked the IV drip but had the presence of mind to take the bag for testing later. It was inelegant, but he hefted you over his shoulder, and everyone else still conscious who got in his way of getting you out was incapacitated with a single kill shot.
It was close to midnight when he reached the safe house and carefully tucked you into one of the beds. He pulled a secure laptop and some of the base medical testing equipment into the bedroom and kept watch over your catatonic form while he started running tests on the substance you’d been hooked up to and sent the base data for his samples to the bioengineering team back at HQ.
Over the next hour your body experienced a few fits of violent shaking, but you didn’t rouse until almost 2am. When you did, it was with great heaving gasps, and your arms flailed, your hands grasping at the sheets, at your clothes, and then at Bucky when he appeared almost immediately at your side trying to soothe you. He had a theory he hoped wasn’t true – that he knew what was running through your veins – but it was confirmed when you clutched and pawed desperately at him. Then your eyes met his, there was a recognition but coupled with devastating desperation, and you started babbling his name and pleading, “Bucky, please, Bucky. Need. Bucky, help. Bucky, Bucky, Bucky.”
He’d been in distress over you since he first heard your tortured cries hours before, and he knew you needed him.
He wouldn’t deny you. 
He knew the anguish of being a slave within one’s own mind. 
He worked both of you out of your clothes quickly, and then laid you back on the bed and crawled above you. “I gothcu, shh, I know what you need.” You cried, but with a glimmer of relief, when he sunk into your desperately wet cunt. He thrust diligently into you while you clung to his shoulders and wrapped your legs around his waist. 
The first orgasm was quick, and provided a glorious wave of relief that helped, but it was not enough. 
Not even close.
For nearly two hours he let you use him, pulling him into you, riding him, kneeling under him on all fours while he wrapped an arm around your waist and took you from behind. 
It was relentless fucking until you hit the point of being utterly depleted – mercifully coinciding with when the chemicals seemed to have finally been flushed from your system with enough of the endorphins released into your bloodstream from the numberless orgasms. 
If anyone but a super soldier had found you, Bucky genuinely worried they may not have been enough to help. Seeing you at the utter extreme of limits, in dangerous territory, had shaken something inside him he wasn’t prepared to discover. There had been no question in his mind that he had to get you through it. 
He smoothed your hair off your face and let your body gently sink back into the mattress, then got up and went to the bathroom, returning with a warm washcloth. He wiped your brow first, and you sighed in relief, eyes already closed in bone-tired weariness. Bucky gently wiped the sweat from your neck, continued moving down your body, and then with a second warm cloth he’d also brought, he gently wiped away the mess of slick that had seeped down your thighs. He carefully redressed your exhausted form, sliding you back into your discarded underwear and his t-shirt that was close enough to scoop up from the floor, and tucked you into the covers. You were asleep before he had finished taking care of you.
As you rested, he continued his vigilant watch from before. You stirred an hour or so later. It was still dark, but with almost a hint that sunrise would be creeping to the edges of the windows soon. He moved to your side again, this time with water, which he pressed to your lips, helping you to set up so you could drink. You began to gulp it down, but slowed when he tried to soothe you and urged you to slow your intake.
When you were nearly done downing the glass, your eyes opened briefly, but catching Bucky’s wary gaze on you, you shut them again. Not before Bucky saw the flash of anguish, however. You scooted away and turned your back, pulling your knees up and burying your head in your arms.
Bucky wanted to reach out and touch you, but settled for softly uttering your name, trying to coax you to look at him.
You refused, consumed with shame and horror.
Your throat was thick with a different kind of agony. 
That episode of pain and innate need had ended, but this? 
This was a new hell you would have to endure. 
“Bucky, I’m sorry, and I know I owe you my life and probably all of my sanity, but please, please go. Please leave me be and don’t put me through the humiliation right now of being here only because you were resigned to helping me despite hating me. I’ll have to bear that forever, but please, just… please at least leave me to myself until we get out of here.”
He was silent for a moment.
“Fuck, I don’t hate you – I never truly hated you,” he said. It was quiet, but perfectly audible in the silence of the pre-dawn.
You raised your head tentatively.
He took a deep breath and continued. “I only kept it up to save face since I drove you to despise me and was too proud to turn it around.”
You were truly overwhelmed. You wanted to say something but had no idea how to respond to that admission, especially when you were already wrung out to the very edges of your emotional state.
“I’ve respected you for a long time now.” Bucky broke the silence.
“You have?”
“Probably more than respected you, if I’m being honest.”
You were still exhausted despite having slept for the past few hours, but you pushed your mind to think… you started to reconsider the thaw from hostility to civility, that he argued with you in group settings less, how everything had become less grudging. But you knew you’d put up your own protective walls to shield you from his scrutiny because it had hurt too much to have been spurned by him when you’d reached out to try and forge that relationship with him after Steve left initially. 
And so much of tonight had been a feverish haze, but you had small pieces that were stained into your memory, some of which were him and things you couldn’t categorize as the actions of anything less than someone who cared. 
“How do you feel about me?” you ventured. 
The two of you looked into each other’s eyes for a few long moments.
“I don’t know that I can explain it all yet – I don’t think I know the words for it, but… let me show you? No chemicals, just us, see what’s really here?” He reached out a tentative hand to cover one of yours.
You nodded.
You let him move in.
You let him kiss you.
You let him lay you down beneath him again, and this time you sunk into each other. 
You cried again, but this time from the immense emotion. You could feel it rolling off of him and pouring into you, a balm starting to fill in the anguished pieces of your soul. Your spent bodies pushed through any tiredness and desperately moved together again, relentlessly motivated this time to slake the emotional hunger growing between you. Touches that explored, that carved into memory, that expressed. 
This time when you were both only finished by exhaustion, you curled into each other and slept, feeling the beginnings of solace and true peace, a turning of the tide, and maybe the acknowledgement that emotions that had run so deeply between you two were only felt so strongly because you truly valued the other even from the beginning.
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READ THE FOLLOW UP DRABBLE: UNCERTAIN AND SURE
↠ Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest
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str4wkinzi · 7 months
Text
NSFW CONTENT! MINORS DONT INTERACT!!
Your teacher comes over to your desk, putting one hand on your shoulder.
“Stay after class today.”
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Teacher! fav x Reader :3 (comic said change it to any character)
COMIC’S BIRTHDAY BASH HERE!!
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You wait in your seat after class, watching everyone else pack up and leave. He goes over to the door, closing and locking it.
“Your grades have been.. low. Is anything wrong?” He questions as he comes over to your desk.
You say no. Well, you try to say no. You look at him staring into your soul with those eyes. He’s your teacher, you shouldn’t think like this!
He snaps his fingers in your face. When did he get so close? He leans down, he’s so close to your face.
“I think i know what the problem is..” he whispers to himself as he stands up. You don’t hear it.
“Is it me? Are you.. distracted by me?” He says.
You could barely count the number of no’s that left your lips. No. That’s a lie. He knows it. You know it. But maybe you can…
“Maybe i need to… teach you how to pay attention in class.”
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“You can suck cock better than that, sweetheart.” He groans with a slight chuckle.
You never thought you’d be sucking your teachers cock. Well, you thought about it, but who thought it would actually happen?
With his eyes burning into your helpless state. Head bobbing on his cock as his hips meet your lips.
He stops you.
“What’s the answer to this?” He asks, coming out more like a demand than a question.
You hold your fingers up, ‘five.’
You see him smile and grab your hair, lifting your head off his cock.
“That was too easy for you. We both know you’re smarter than basic math, right?”
You nod shyly as you await his next set of words.
“Let’s give you a real challenge.”
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Bent over his desk, he asks you once more.
“Write down the fucking answer.” He demands between thrusts.
You write the answer on the paper, sloppily, but it’s there and its right. He chuckles and stops all movements.
“Answer this question correctly. This is the last one.”
You nod as you whine.
“Are you going to pay attention from now on?” He asks.
You nod frantically, practically breaking your neck trying too.
“Words.” Is all he says before he starts pounding to you. Your words get caught in your throat as he fucks them out of you.
Shaking, moaning, dripping mess. You yell ‘yes’ just as he hits your cervix.
“Yes what? What are you saying yes for?” He chuckles as his thrusts get harder.
You angrily whine and try to mutter out a slur of words.
“I can’t hear you, sweetheart.”
Fuck, he’s driving you insane.
“Yes, i’ll pay attention in class from now on.”
You wish it came out like that. It came out shaky and full of desperate moans. You could barely comprehend your own sentence.
“I’ll let you off easy this time.” He whispers in your ear as he thrusts impossibly harder then before.
Moans, groans, and lewd slapping fill the classroom. What if someone came back to get something they forgot?
A student and a teacher, fucking right over his desk. What if somebody heard your loud moans through the door?
Those are the thoughts you would be having if you weren’t so fucked out right now.
When you both eventually cum he helps you put all your clothes that he ripped off on.
He helps you walk out of the school and into his car. Along the way, you ask him where you two are going.
“Private lessons, of course. I’ll call your parents and say you needed them.”
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STR4WZ STICKY NOTE < guys ive been going crazy.. imagine crying while writing smut its a really good experience - STR4WKINZI anyways everything is going out in the next 4-3 days (hopefully) cuz im not busy :3 except school ofc BYE I LOVE YOU GUYS 3
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technicallyvivi · 11 days
Text
NSFW WARNING!
yeo puts a vib on you until he’s done showering
you weren't gonna lie, you were so horny right now. your pillow between your thighs head thrown back as you grind down onto it, your small and sweet puppy whimpers filled the room. you missed yeosang on these nights more than ever. but he was so busy. and so were you, a little too busy pleasuring yourself that you didn't hear the door unlock. or yeosang's footsteps moving closer and closer towards your shared room. in fact, you didnt even realize he was in the house until your bedroom door opened. your whole body stilled and the orgasm you had worked so hard to get up had left you entirely. and what was even worse was that yeosang catching you getting yourself off got you so wet, you kept going, not caring that he was in the room. he stood there for a couple seconds, thinking of how to approach this situation. but it didnt take him long to start walking to where you were on the bed and grab your hips, stopping you completely. you groaned in frustration. "baby." he said, his voice deep and soft. "what did i tell you about touching yourself when im not home." you climbed off the pillow and attempted to sit on the edge of the bed next to him, but he pulled you into his lap still waiting for an answer to his question. "hm? use your words. or is your dumb puppy brain too fucked out to speak?" you shook your head and whimpered "y-you said im not allowed to touch myself if youre not home." he nodded kissing your neck slowly, licking and nipping at the skin. "that's right." he whispered. "and what did you do?" you already knew what was about to happen, and although yeosang hated giving his sweet pup punishments, it was needed sometimes. "i disobeyed you sir." he nodded once more. "do you wanna know what's gonna happen now?" you buried your head in his neck and he stroked your hair softly. and you nodded. beecause as much as you hated punishments and preferred to be praised and pampered, yeosang's punishments always turned you on. and he would always make sure you were okay before starting, and that you could take it. he reached into the nightstand cabinet and pulled out a vibrator, your favorite one. "since you wanna be such a desperate slut, and not even wait for me to come home from work so i can make you feel good, why dont you just cum over and over again?" he grabbed your chin so you could look at him, tears brimming your eyes. "you think you deserve that?" he asked you and you nodded. "im sorry sir, ive been bad, i deserve whatever you give me" he smiled moving your messy hair out of your face and kissing your temple. "i'll be in the shower. and when i come back you better be ready for more, since you wanna be such a whore, im not done with you." he lifted you up and set you down on the bed moving your knees apart with a tight grip and shoving the vibrator up your tight cunt quickly, leaving you shaking on the bed and gripping the sheets. yeosang walked into the bathroom, to be honest, he was a little worried; he always is when he does these types of things. but he shakes it off and hurries to finish showering so he can finally feel your sweet pussy wrapped around his cock. and your yeosang being able to hear your loud noises from inside the bathroom didn't make his dick any softer. you on the other hand, were struggling to keep up with your orgasms, it had already been 15 minutes since yeosang started showering and you had already cum 3 times. your thighs were sticky and your legs were shaking violently but you kept telling yourself it would be over soon, and yeosang would take care of you properly. you told yourself you had been a bad girl, so you took it until he finally came out. he didnt even have a towel wrapped around his waist, you closed your eyes shut as tight as you could and moaned his name like a mantra. he leaned over your body and held your trembling body, watching as your fourth orgasm crashed down on you. he slipped the vibrator out of you carefully and lifted you to sit up he moved onto the bed and sat behind you so you were sitting on his lap now.
"shh my baby, you did so good. that was hard wasnt it?" you nodded a small sigh escaping your lips. "are you tired?" you nodded again leaning back to put your head on his shoulder. "we dont have to do anything else puppy, you did so good." he said rubbing your tummy slowly with one hand and grabbing a towel from the night stand to clean you off with the other. "but i wanted to make you feel good too..." you breathed out and he smiled "its okay pretty girl, lets just sleep, you can make me feel good tomorrow yeah? wouldnt wanna turn your little puppy brain into mush even more?" he picked you up and set you on the bed, your eyes basically closing by themselves. he lied down right next to you and whispered sweet nothings into your ear until you were both peacefully asleep.
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soxcietyy · 3 months
Note
hii, can i req a older bf + soft dom yuuta please?
Biker Yuta
Age gap, soft dom, Yuta being fine af in general
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It was almost every night, the exact time at 1:30 am where a loud bike would pass by your house. It was so loud that it would wake you up from the deep slumber you where in.
At first you didn't think much about it when you first moved into your new house but now its been months and you kept hearing that loud bike zoom by. At some point you grew tired of it and decided tonight was the night you would confront whoever this selfish individual was. There was tones of roads that person could go on and he decided your street was the one to travel on every night? Did this person not have a job?
Grabbing your coat you slip it on and walk out in your pajama’s that consisted on small shorts and a tanktop. Checking the time on your phone you noticed it was five minutes till one. Walking out the door you stand by the mailbox with your arms crossed. The passing cars probably thinking that you weren't fully right in the head. After a few minutes of standing there you could hear the loud bike from a distance.
How where you supposed to get this person attention? you had no clue but decided to find out once it was time. As the bike got louder you step into the middle of the road. When the vehicle came into view you had to shut your eyes from how bright there headlights. Using your hand to cover your eyes from the light you could feel two hands grab you and pulled you to the side. With a gasp you turn around to see them?!
What was the biker doing here? shouldn't he be the one...
before you could finish that though a car zoomed by extremely fast. Then it hit you, you could of almost died mistaking that car for the biker.
"what are you doing in the middle of the road like that? you could of gotten hurt." A male voice said from behind that helmet.
"I thought it was you!" you say grabbing you heart that almost popped out of your chest
"Me? either way you shouldnt be doing that. Arnt you supposed to be in bed at this time?" He asks as he sat you down on his bike.
"yea i actually am but a loud bike likes to go through my neighborhood, waking me and everyone else up! Do you know how much sleep iv lost because of you?" you say angrily.
grabbing his helmet with both hands he slowly takes it off and shakes his helmet hair before looking at you. "Im sorry I didn't know i was bothering people with my late night rides." he says. "Im usually coming out of work at that time and well this is the way I go to make it home.
"Well how about being more quiet? I would hate for us to have issues." You put your hand on your hip.
"Issues? Now I don’t think that’s necessary. How about I make it up to you?" He mocks you by putting his hand on his hip too.
"How will you make it up to me? Do you know how much beauty sleep iv lost because of you?" You quirk your brow.
"Well before I even give you an answer I need to know about you such as name and age."
"My name is y/n and I’m nineteen." You answer.
"Seven years apart mmh, well how about you let me relieve all that stress you got pent up? If you know what I mean. My name is Yuta by the way." He places his helmet under his arm.
27 and he looks young? He’s also not bad looking at all. It wouldn’t hurt to try something with someone more experienced than you. "Sure but I would hate for your back to give out in the middle of it." You hum
"Hey I’m not that old, let’s see who’s back gives out first huh?" He chuckled as he followed you back to your shared house.
Your roommate was luckily out of town for the week so you had the whole house to yourself. It didn’t take long until he was over you. Smothering you with kisses and the string cologne he wore that smelled rich of leather. His bangs touching your forehead as they dangled over you. He still held his helmet in his hand before he dropped it so he could get a better hold of you.
The kisses were fast but deep. It was almost as if he was so desperate to get a taste of you. As he continued to kiss you his gloved hands snaked under your shirt and fondled your breast. You couldn’t lie and say he didn’t look fine with his blacked out gear. If you knew he looked like this you would have confronted him long ago.
Pulling you closer to him he removed your bottoms and his right hand glove. "Want me to teach you how a real grown man should treat a lady?" He whispers in your ear before sliding his fingers in you.
He long fingers bend and move around inside of you. He made sure to touch every spot causing you to throw your head back in pleasure. Biting your bottom lip you shake your head unconsciously. You didn’t even noticed when he crouched down and began to eat you out. That was until your legs began to shake uncontrollably.
"Yuta" you moan
Hmm? He Hums causing you to jolt from the sudden vibration. Why was he so good at this? Could it be his years of experience? Whatever it was you wanted to thank everything that made it possible for him to be with you tonight. He was eating you out so sloppily that the noises echoed in the room. His tongue glided side to side on your clit as his fingers moved in and out of you. You gripped his hair as you got closer to your orgasm. His other hand grabbed your thigh so you wound the able to escape his grasp.
When you started orgasming you moaned his name once again. Tears rolling down your face from how good it was.
Turning you over on your stomach you could hear him unbuckling his belt. Tilting your head back you could see him adjusting himself to your entrance.
"Arnt you going to take your clothes off?" You ask him wondering why he was fully clothed.
"Wouldn’t want to distract you from the main event." He smacks his hard member on your behind.
He then leaned over you and grabbed your face directing you to look at your pile of stuffed animals in a corner.
"Arnt you too old for those things?" He says amused.
"You can never be too old for stuffed animals" you mumble.
Without saying another word he slammed right into you. Your eyes widen at the feeling of being filled up. You don’t think you’ve ever had something this big inside of you. Squeezing your eyes shut you feel how he slides in and out of you smoothly.
"There you go, you’re taking me so well. Thought you would have been crying for me to stop." He says as he quickens his pace. You grip onto your blankets as he slams in and out of you. Each thrust getting deeper and harder. You could hear him breathing heavily next to you ear. You could also heard how the necklaces and chain that he wore cling together with every move. His non gloved hand moved under you and began to pull on your nipple as he continued with his pace.
"You just so cute." He says as he kisses your head, your cheek and your shoulder. "I think I’m gonna start bothering you even more if it mean we get to do this everytime." He mumbles. "Not going to lie I was having second thought about this but I’m so glad I went along. You feel so fucking perfect around my cock." He wraps his arms around your body and slams you all the way into him until he reached places you never thought were possible.
Your jaw drops as he doesn’t let go. Your eyes rolling back at this new painful yet pleasurable feeling. "Yuu" you cry out trying to catch your breath but him hearing you say his name like that turned a switch on for him. He fucked you while you were still being lifted up. Your feet not being able to touch the ground as he used you like his personal cock sleeve. You squirm in his arms being overwhelmed by everything but he held a tight grip on you. At some point you stopped trying and gave in. Your toes curling as you orgasmed once again coating his member in white.
"Easy now, just bear with me for a minute I’m almost there." He groans.
After a few more slams he finally finished inside of you.
He placed you back down slowly and collapsed on top of you. Breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath.
"Fuck, are you On birth control? Or do you need me to get you a plan B?"
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toournextadventure · 6 months
Text
our little secret iii
Summary: All four of you lost the bet, and now it's time to pay up. Thankfully, Maxine and Bobby-Lynn know just how to make sure Lorraine has to pay up too.
Word Count: 8.9k Warnings: swearing, smut 18+, religious talk (typical of southern states), religious trauma, period-typical homophobia Pairing: Lorraine Day x Fem!Reader (our little secret i) (our little secret ii) (our little secret iii) (our little secret iv)
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“This ain’t sittin’ right with me,” you whispered to Beau as you tried, once again, to get comfortable in the back of RJ’s van.
Despite your best attempts, you, Beau, and Huck were currently sitting with Lorraine’s crew on the way to a location. It had been agreed by everyone - except you, obviously - that you had all lost the bet, so you should all have to own up. Although you still found it profoundly unfair that Lorraine somehow got out unscathed from the entire thing that she had agreed to.
And now you were stuck in the back of a hot, sweaty van with a bunch of hot, sweaty people that were one camera away from having relations for pay.
“We all lost, we all pay up,” Beau whispered back even as he smiled at Maxine. You rolled your eyes; he was such a suck up.
“Lorraine ain’t gotta pay up,” you grumbled, but settled back in your spot anyway.
Admittedly, you were being rather rude. You had barely said hello to any of them, and you hadn’t talked to them since the trip had started. It wasn’t their fault though, it was entirely on you. You just… didn’t know what to say to them. This wasn’t your world, and it was completely overwhelming. You didn’t care what any of them did for a living, but you hadn’t expected to be a part of it.
And if Jackson didn’t quit staring at you, you were going to lose your mind.
“You look awful familiar,” Jackson said with the slightest tilt of his head. He never stopped rubbing Bobby-Lynn’s thighs.
“Ever been a few hours south of Houston?” You asked, shifting in your spot to bring your knees up to your chest.
“Don’t believe I have,” he said with a shrug.
“Must just be a resemblance, then,” you answered.
“Leave her be,” Bobby-Lynn said as she playfully smacked Jackson’s chest. “Can’t you see you’re making her uncomfortable?”
“Do we make you uncomfortable, sweetheart?” Jackson asked.
Oh. Oh, yeah, that was very uncomfortable.
“You were in ‘Nam, right?” Beau asked, thankfully pulling the attention away from you. You supposed he was good for something.
“Yes sir,” Jackson said with a smile, pulling his dog tags out from under his shirt. “Two tours.”
“North or South?” Beau continued. Okay, maybe you didn’t want to hear so much about this anymore.
“South.”
“Y/N’s brother was in South Vietnam,” Huck chimed in. “Maybe that’s where you recognise her.”
Oh, you wanted them both to shut up. You wanted them both to hush right that instant. You looked up and instantly met Lorraine’s eyes from across the van. She was still sitting beside RJ, going over the script and whatever else she usually did. But there was the smallest tug at the corner of her mouth when she looked at you.
I hate you, you mouthed, to which her smile grew before she went back to the script.
“What’s your brother’s name, sweetheart?” Jackson asked, pulling you back into the conversation that you desperately wished would end.
Although you liked the adorable little frown Lorraine sent Jackson’s way at the use of the little nickname. Maybe you were okay with talking with Jackson. If it could get Lorraine’s feathers ruffled, then it was worth it. It was about time the tables were turned.
“Roy,” you said. “Roy Y/L/N.”
“No shit,” Jackson said. “I served with that son of a bitch.”
“Seriously?” You pulled your knees up to your chest and leaned forward. “Which tour?”
“My first,” he said with a smile.
You smiled back. “So you knew him before he…” your voice trailed off into nothing as your eyes slowly lowered to the floor of the van and your smile fell.
Before he went crazy. But you couldn’t say that out loud, could you? Your daddy had done his best to make sure you all knew not to mention Roy’s “affliction.” A test from God, he had called it. He used it as nothing more than a piss poor excuse to remind everyone that that’s what happens when you fall from faith. What would he say about you?
You just kept your mouth shut and rested your chin on your knees.
“He caught the combat trauma,” Huck said in a far softer tone than Beau ever could have managed.
“Now that’s a shame,” Jackson said with a shake of his head.
“Heard it happens more than you think,” Maxine called out from the front seat. It was probably the first thing you had heard from her since… Well, it was the first thing you had heard. “They all come home different.”
Oh, you weren’t so sure you liked this.
“You can’t come back different,” Bobby-Lynn said with a humourless chuckle. “Besides, it ain’t even real, is it?”
“They said it is,” Maxine continued, finally turning around to face everyone. “Put it in their little book last year, called it PTSD or somethin’ like that.”
You didn’t like this topic at all. The hair on the back of your neck stood up and your grip around your knees tightened. They didn’t get to talk about this like it was nothing of impact to you. Hadn’t they just heard Huck say Roy had this… this combat trauma? And they were going to act like nothing was wrong?
Everyone around you continued to talk about this new PTSD thing that was starting to make its rounds. It felt like someone was watching you. Without lifting your head, you looked up and were instantly met with Lorraine staring at you with that look that she had never grown out of. A look that she gave you every time you would be forced to talk about Beau as if he were the love of your life. A look of pity. 
And you hated pity.
“Hey,” Jackson said, a little softer than everyone else’s ongoing conversation. He nudged your foot with his to get you to look over. “If you want me to talk to him, man to man, just let me know.”
His smile was more genuine than you had seen from a stranger in a long time. But there was no comfort in it because his offer was empty. You had no doubt he was being genuine, but how were you going to invite him over and have him talk to Roy without Daddy figuring out? The times were changing, but Jackson was a… certain type of man that you knew Daddy would never happily allow in his home. You and Roy were already scourges upon his land - though he still didn’t know your secret - so how could you possibly invite Jackson over with a clear conscience?
“Thank you,” you said instead, your smile far more convincing than your own thoughts.
The rest of the trip was, by all accounts, uneventful. That blasphemous talk of trauma and war had changed when Lorraine decided it was time to talk about the script. And even as she and RJ went over everything with their stars, and you were faced with the reality that you were truly, painfully alone, you still felt some sort of peace.
You would almost go so far as to say you felt comfortable.
Until you got to the shooting location.
“Are you serious?” You whisper-yelled at Lorraine when you both got out of the van. “You should have told me.”
“Would you have come?” She shot back, quickly shooting a fake smile to Beau and Huck when they passed. “Besides, we’re usin’ the building beside it.”
“You’re full of shit,” you mumbled as you looked up at the steeple of the small chapel.
By all accounts, it was a splendid little church. With a single steeple at the front of the roof and an elevated cross in the back, it almost reminded you of the one at home. Double doors that doubtlessly opened into a small worship room that held eight pews at most before ascending into the podium. A setup not unlike your own church back home, except this one didn’t house the guilt you couldn’t shed.
Beside the church was the parsonage, looking just as you knew them to look. Small, a little run down, painted a white that felt forced upon the environment. The paint was chipped and the window shutters were slightly askew, but it seemed to fit the rather bleak landscape behind it. Not ugly, but not exactly pretty either.
“Whatcha think?” Wayne asked. You jumped, but quickly regained composure. “Ain’t she pretty?”
“It looks cozy,” you said with a shrug. “You’re filmin’ in the parsonage, right? Not the church?”
Wayne laughed. A big hearty laugh that reminded you of all the sweet older men out at the rodeos. The ones that told you you were being ridiculous, but they were going to do their best not to openly tell you. It was a joyous laugh that was both humiliating and comforting simultaneously.
“I nearly forgot Church Mouse said you were a preacher,” he said once his laughter had subsided enough for him to talk.
“Church Mouse?” You asked.
“We’re usin’ the parsonage,” he continued, practically ignoring your question. “We’re not intendin’ to disrespect you.”
He clapped you on the shoulder and cocked his hip. You could see why Lorraine liked him. Overconfident, cocky as hell, but his smile always seemed genuine. Somehow, some way, he had seemed to be in a good mood the entire trip and even now. Optimism at its finest. You wished you could match it.
“Although I do have a favour to ask you,” Wayne said, his voice carrying a lilt that had your stomach churning.
“Yes?” You asked even though you weren’t entirely sure you wanted to know.
“Think you can pray over this little set of ours?” He asked. “Help us break this bad streak we got goin’ on?”
“Oh,” you said with a huff, followed by a nervous chuckle. “Oh, I can do that then.”
Wayne smiled with his teeth and tipped his hat. “Thank ya kindly.”
You kept your eyes trained on the doors of the chapel while Wayne walked away, presumably to help set up whatever it was he was needing to set up. You could pray over the set. It was a little blasphemous to use prayer for something so… risque, but you weren’t a prude. After all, Daddy had always said everyone could use a little prayer.
The handle on the door was a beautiful polished silver; spare no expense for a house of God, of course. Hypocrites, the lot of them. But it was nice to open the doors without even the slightest resistance. Nothing was more terrifying than a run down church with creaky doors. It was like walking into a horror movie.
Your boots echoed off the empty wooden walls of the chapel as you walked down the center aisle, taking in everything about the building. It was a rather beautiful church, you wouldn’t try to deny it. A single, small stained glass window hung above the podium. It would cast a beautiful coloured light where the preacher would be standing on Sunday mornings.
There were three steps up to the podium before you stood behind the lectern and looked out onto the ghostly congregation. Not a single soul was inside the building, but from your spot above the room, you could feel the eyes on you. Momma, Roy, Jimmy. Granma and Granpa were in the back, followed by friends, family, everyone in the congregation that knew you excruciatingly well.
Then there was Daddy, sitting in the aisle of the front pew, watching you with that judgmental look. The one that he gave when he was condemning someone to hell for their sins. And he was looking at you, like he could see through your physical form, all the way to the filthy soul you hid underneath it all.
“You can’t wash away sin,” Daddy said.
You couldn’t breathe.
“I don’t-”
“-There you are.”
The entire congregation disappeared as soon as you saw Lorraine standing in the doorway. Light from the setting sun illuminated her outline, almost a perfect copy of the angel painted above the doorway. And she was. She was an angel, one that you would worship even as you were cast into the pits of hell.
“Thought we lost you,” Lorraine said as she walked down the aisle with far more confidence than she had at home.
Your breath caught in your throat when she finally stepped out of the light in a startling white dress. It looked far too close to a wedding dress. It didn’t make sense, but you couldn’t quit staring. She looked so beautiful. Her smile was illuminating; it left your palms sweaty and your chest hurt-
-you gasped and pulled your hand away from the wooden lectern. The smallest splinter was stuck in your right index finger. It was easy enough to pull out, leaving behind a scarlet drop of blood that grew until dripping down your finger.
“Are you alright?”
You opened your mouth to answer, but when you looked back up Lorraine was in normal clothes. The very same ones she had worn on the trip over. The one she had never changed out of. Right. Maybe you really were crazy.
“I’m fine,” you said with a simple nod. “Just-” you sighed “-doin’ what Wayne asked.”
“Didn’t think he was a praying man,” she said with a frown. “Want some company?”
“Yeah,” you said with a soft smile. “Yeah, I do.”
As you walked down to the bottom of the three steps to meet Lorraine, the blood from your finger smeared across the finely polished wood. You left a stain on that church, same as your own. A stain that, as your Daddy constantly preached, you could never wash away.
—---
“You’re lookin’ a little green, sweetheart,” Huck whispered as he walked up to where you were standing in the back of the room.
“I’m not green,” you whispered back even as you continued to watch the scene unfold before you. “I just- I didn’t know the body could do that.”
“You’re such a preacher’s kid,” he said with a teasing lilt. Thankfully that was all he said before he crossed his arms over his chest and looked forward.
It wasn’t your first time seeing people having sex. You weren’t a complete fool, you had seen it before. Kind of. Okay, maybe it was the most tame sex in the world, but you had seen it! And you weren’t some sort of virgin either, so you weren’t totally in the dark. But you certainly hadn’t seen this before and it was… fascinating.
And a little concerning. Your head tilted. How did it even fit? Did Bobby-Lynn even genuinely find it enjoyable? Well, okay, after that noise you could believe that maybe she did. But all that other stuff, there was no way. No way at all- wait, that actually looked interesting. You wondered if Lorraine would like that.
"You're starin'," Huck whispered.
"I can't help it," you shot back. "It's like when you pass a car wreck. You can't look away."
"I think they would die if they heard you compare watchin' smut to a car wreck," he laughed. It was a little loud, you hoped the boom mic wouldn't pick it up.
"Where's your little boy toy?" You asked, hoping to take the awkward attention away from yourself. Even though you still couldn't look away from the scene. God, you hoped it was over soon.
"Your boyfriend," he said pointedly, "is downstairs talkin' with Maxine."
Oh Maxine. You had only known her for a few days, but you were starting to think she enjoyed stirring up trouble. Within moments of getting set up in the parsonage, she had made friendly with Huck and Beau. A little too friendly. You would have laughed about the whole situation if you hadn’t been attempting to act jealous to keep up the facade.
“Reckon I should go act the part of the jealous girlfriend, huh?” You asked.
“Yeah you should,” he whispered. “Though I doubt anyone will believe it with the way you’re watching your dear Rainey over there.”
You hated him for even bringing it up. So what if you had stopped watching Bobby-Lynn and instead watched Lorraine? The way she gently blew a few strands of hair out of her face while she held the boom mic as steady as you had ever seen. She wasn’t muscular by any means, but you could still see the tone in her shoulders. Or the… the little crinkle between her brows when she focused…
Okay, Huck was right, you needed to leave.
“Told you,” he said as you backed out of the room with a hellish heat in your cheeks.
As soon as the door closed behind you and the pornographic sounds muted, you could finally breathe again. Your mind was clear and you could walk down the stairs without a thought in your head. Well… maybe you had one or two thoughts, but it was okay. You could repent later at the chapel.
Maxine’s laughter was… almost adorable, if she wasn’t trying so hard to seduce Beau. Her nails lazily scratched up and down his bicep, and her face was embarrassingly close to his ear. If you had loved him the way you were supposed to, you would’ve been furious. Should have been furious.
You pictured Lorraine in Beau’s position. Sitting there with Maxine all over her, laughing at the unfunny jokes, leaning a little too close. It made your stomach turn. Your skin was hot and clammy and something pounded inside your head, screaming to be let out. There would have been no shame in your body for grabbing her and dragging her away.
Okay, there you go. Now you had the right feelings.
Your mind had already forgotten Lorraine wasn’t there when you sat in Beau’s lap. Like a good girlfriend should do, you wrapped your arms around his neck and held him close, inhaling his scent. Sawdust. Something you supposed other women liked, which made him a downright tease.
“How’s your first smut viewin’ goin’?” Maxine asked, which instinctively had your nose scrunch before you regained composure. “That good, huh?”
“It ain’t bad,” you said. “Don’t think I really understand the appeal, though.”
“What part is… unappealing to you?” She asked, her voice far softer than necessary. 
The way she leaned in closer, trailing her eyes over every inch of you… and maybe you could see the appeal. It was something about her hand that had moved from Beau’s arm to yours. Soft. Almost too soft, but you didn’t want it to stop. And she held eye contact like it was an art-
-oh, Maxine was dangerous.
“Oh,” Maxine said with a small smile, “so that’s what it is.”
What was that supposed to mean? You opened your mouth to ask, but the stairs started creaking from the heavy footsteps. The skin underneath Maxine’s fingers felt terribly cold when she pulled back. Unfortunately for her, she didn’t pull back before Lorraine appeared, her brows furrowed and eyes glued to her coworker.
Maxine just smiled.
“Am I interrupting somethin’?” Lorraine asked. Anyone that didn’t know her well would have missed the slight elevation in her tone. A dangerous tone.
“Just learnin’ a bit about each other,” Maxine said. Her hand rested on your arm again and you felt a heat in your cheeks. “Since we’re stuck here together and all.”
Like the dutiful girlfriend, you hid your head in Beau’s neck and tried to ignore his slight shake of silent laughter.
That tension didn’t end even as the sun set and stars came out to play. Everyone relaxed and had their fun and it reminded you of nights with just the four of you. Laughing, teasing, seeing Huck and Beau get closer than when they were at your house. Not too close, but it was still enough. Hell, it was almost enough to ease the usual anger from Lorraine being with R.J.
Until a few days later when it was time for everyone to start paying up on their lost bets.
The days had already started off miserably. Since you were “officially” Beau’s girlfriend, you were set to share a bed with him. But when Huck snuck in and you all tried to fit three people on a twin size mattress? Well, that was just borderline impossible. Clearly it wasn’t fully impossible, seeing as how you all made it work, but that didn’t mean you actually slept at all through the night.
Tack onto that Lorraine and R.J. coming down at the same time each morning, and you realised that you were horribly, terribly alone? You would have killed someone to get even just a single blanket and a big empty spot on the floor. Let you lie like a dog while everyone else became stars.
The first to suffer was, of course, you. Now, you would admit, you had offered to pay up first. In your convoluted train of thought, the sooner you watched Lorraine’s scene, the sooner you could forget it. At least that was what you believed would happen. You hoped that’s what would happen.
But in the moment, as you watched Lorraine getting ready, you knew it wouldn’t be quite that simple. You had to watch her move, see the look on her face, listen to her moans. She certainly never sounded like that when you were with her. Was this something that she genuinely enjoyed? Were you nothing more than a pleasant distraction when she was practically forced to go back home?
“I can’t do this,” you whispered to yourself. 
The hair on the back of your neck stood up as everyone watched you back out of the room, practically tripping over your own feet in your haste. Each step felt like the ground was rushing up to meet you, even as you stayed perfectly upright. You wished you would just trip down the stairs, maybe then it would ease the spiraling of your thoughts.
Downstairs wasn’t much better when you were still aware of exactly what was going on upstairs. Did you mean anything to her? Really, truly? Surely you did, Lorraine was hardheaded, she wouldn’t entertain your presence if she didn’t want you there. On the other hand, she kept RJ around for nothing, so maybe you were on the same level.
You picked up one of the books you had found the other day; some book called The Dead Sea Scriptures. It wasn’t all that fantastic, your daddy actually had a copy in his office at the church. But at least it was a distraction. Just like you. Okay, that certainly wasn’t helpful. Maybe you needed a stiff drink too.
The Hollywood grade acting you did was enough to convince everyone you were just peachy. No one batted an eye when RJ, Wayne, and Jackson left the parsonage after finishing Lorraine’s scene. To get some more groceries, they had said. You didn’t care, it really didn’t matter one way or another where they went.
“So,” Maxine said as she sat down beside you on the couch. Well, she practically sat on you. “You’ve got some explainin’ to do.”
“I’m not explainin’ the book of Job,” you said without looking up from your book. “Jackson already believes there’s a dragon in it and I can’t have that argument again.”
“Not about that, silly,” she said; her hand was hot on your knee. “About you bein’ a third wheel.”
Oh you were not getting into that kind of conversation with Maxine. The past few days had been wonderful, and truthfully you had enjoyed it. They were all a bit… extravagant, but they were kind. As odd as it sounded to you, they felt more like family than most of your own family. You could see why Lorraine spent so much time with them even when she didn’t have to.
But you enjoying their company did not mean you wanted to get into the whole relationship conversation with Maxine.
“Your boys are some of those queers, huh?” She asked. “That’s why they’re up there filmin’ some fake scene while you’re down here.” Her hand squeezed right above your knee. “Readin’ some nerdy little book.”
“It was a bet,” you said. “We’ve always paid up, ever since we were little.” She smirked. “And my book ain’t nerdy.”
“It bother you that you gotta share your man?” She asked, as if you hadn’t even said anything in the first place.
“I-”
“-did you really start without me?” Bobby-Lynn asked when she appeared in the downstairs living room.
You did your best to conceal your displeasure when Bobby-Lynn practically ran over to sit on the other side of you. Her legs were bare, her denim shorts barely covering any part of her. She swung them over your own legs quickly, leaving you officially trapped underneath the both of them. You would’ve been lying if you said it didn’t make your stomach flip.
“How far did ya get?” Bobby-Lynn asked. She was practically bouncing in excitement.
“We just started,” Maxine answered with a smile that would have made you squirm if you weren’t so focused on trying to figure out what was going on.
“Don’t y’all have scenes to shoot?” You asked in a desperate attempt to get them to leave you alone before they really got started.
“Don’t you have someone you should be thinkin’ about?” Maxine asked.
You opened your mouth instinctively, ready to argue, especially when Bobby-Lynn continued to lean closer. They both had some nerve to believe they could catch you off guard with their interrogation that was only just beginning. They had known you for, what, all of a few days? And still they thought they could get something like this out of you? They were pornstars, not detectives.
“Of course I’m thinkin’ about her-”
-maybe they were detectives.
You threw your head back against the couch, a groan leaving your lips. On either side of you, both women practically cheered, giving each other a high-five. It was disgusting, were you nothing more than a pawn in whatever game they were playing? Your daddy was right; couldn’t trust sinners.
You actively ignored the fact that you were one of them.
“Why the long face, sweetheart?” Bobby-Lynn asked.
“It’s not like we couldn’t tell,” Maxine said.
What was that supposed to mean? How did they even notice? As far as you could remember, you hadn’t even spent hardly any time in the same room as Lorraine. How could they get some sort of scandal out of that? Let alone the fact you thought you had said maybe three words to her after she had helped you pray over set on that first day. No, none of that made sense.
“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about,” you said as you finally pulled yourself back upright, ignoring that Maxine’s and Bobby-Lynn’s faces were so close to yours they could kiss your cheeks if they wanted.
“You think every girl is fine with their boyfriend hookin’ up with another guy?” Bobby-Lynn asked.
You knew that would be the issue. You knew it, and you had told all three of them that it was shady at best. There was no logical reason for it, even if it was from some stupid bet. It may have been the 80s, but not everyone was as easy going as the four of you were. Not everyone was as understanding, and though that wasn’t the current issue, it still played its part.
“Not to mention all the lookin’ you’ve been doin’,” Bobby-Lynn chimed in. “You certainly ain’t lookin’ at Beau that way.”
“I-” you closed your mouth just as quickly as you had opened it. What were you going to say to argue? What could you say?
“Honey, we ain’t judgin’,” Maxine said. Her hand felt warm on your neck. She was far too close for comfort. “But this whole thing is pretty sad.”
“It ain’t that sad,” you pitifully attempted to argue.
“Darlin’, it’s downright painful,” Bobby-Lynn said. Her going back and forth with Maxine was giving you whiplash. “Ain’t never seen anyone pine like that.”
“It’s a bit pathetic,” Maxine said.
“Hey,” you said, your eyebrows instantly furrowing. “Hold your horses, that’s unnecessary.”
“Don’t be gettin’ so defensive,” Bobby-Lynn said with a smile that was to die for. “We’re here to help.”
“By throwin’ my self-esteem out the window?” You asked.
“Oh no,” Maxine said with a slowly growing smile, “it’s much better than that.”
This time, when your stomach twisted into knots again, you didn’t feel quite so dreadful about the upcoming plans.
—---
After Bobby-Lynn and Maxine had told you about their sneaky little plan, the parsonage had felt a little less like a prison. When all the guys got back and everyone finished upstairs, you almost felt at peace. There was still the lingering tension when both Lorraine and RJ were in the room, but you could work with it. And for once, you didn’t feel quite so bad when you met Lorraine’s eyes.
“How many scenes we got left?” Wayne asked when everyone settled downstairs for supper.
In a very selfless move, you had offered to cook. It certainly wasn’t because you didn’t want to have to look at anyone while Bobby-Lynn and Maxine got to work on their plan. That would have been selfish, and you were nothing if not a good, selfless, Christian girl.
“Only two or three, we can finish them tomorrow,” RJ said from his spot beside Lorraine on the couch.
“Me and Maxine have an addition to make,” Bobby-Lynn said.
“An addition?” Wayne asked. “What kind?”
“Well,” Maxine said, drawing out the word for longer than necessary, “we were thinkin’ our little Preacher would look awful pretty on her knees.”
“Excuse me?” Lorraine asked.
Suddenly, the food you were cooking required the utmost attention. It would be quite the shame if you burned something. After all, everyone back there was working rather hard on their scenes, they deserved a good meal, didn’t they? And if it gave you an excuse to not see the look on Lorraine’s face then, well, that’s just an added bonus.
“Fitting, ain’t it?” Bobby-Lynn asked.
“And we’d take good care of her,” Maxine drawled. Oh, they were really testing the waters.
It seemed to be working.
“She’s not part of this,” Lorraine said.
“Wouldn’t be such a bad idea,” RJ said. “Might draw more attention to the film.”
“It’s smut, RJ,” she continued, “it draws enough attention on its own.”
“Well hold on now, let’s talk this out,” Wayne said.
Everyone started talking - except, you noticed, for Maxine - and you almost wanted to laugh. If you had known this was all it would take to get Lorraine on edge, you would’ve said something like this ages ago. It sounded like she didn’t even care that RJ was in the room. It was… a nice feeling.
“Did you plan this?” Beau asked, suddenly appearing beside you.
“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about,” you said softly with a shrug. “Everyone here has a mind of their own.”
“Well keep it up,” he said as he rested his hand on the small of your back, “because I think it’s workin’.”
“The answer’s no,” Lorraine said.
“Well why don’t we ask her?” Bobby-Lynn said.
Silence fell over the room quickly; it was suffocating. If you could have, you would have slunk away to the room you shared with the boys. Even before turning around you could feel everyone’s eyes on you. Maybe, if you were really lucky, you could get away without actually answering the question.
That possibility was struck down the moment you turned your head to look out into the room.
Lorraine was looking at you expectantly, most likely believing she knew what you were going to say. In any other situation, she would have been right. You wanted no one but her, and everyone was more than aware of it. Well, everyone but Wayne, RJ, and potentially Jackson. Though judging by the way Jackson was looking at you, he knew too.
“Might be fun,” you said with a shrug and turned back around. “I can always repent next door.”
“Are you serious?” Lorraine asked.
At that you turned back around and leaned your hip against the counter. Was she really going to question you? After what she did for a living? Not once had you ever judged her for it, you had even helped her make light of it when she felt guilt creeping in. She had the nerve to question you?
“Like a heart attack, honey,” you said with far more confidence than you felt.
The look Lorraine gave you was deadly.
“Seems we got our answer,” Maxine said.
Lorraine missed the look she gave Bobby-Lynn.
—---
You hadn’t been asleep for long when the door of your room creaked open. Part of you wished it would have stayed closed; it was the first night you weren’t sleeping on the floor while Huck and Beau took the bed. Maxine was becoming a godsend; she’s the one who had convinced the boys to sleep in the van outside.
“Are you asleep?” Lorraine asked quietly after the door had clicked shut.
“Yes,” you said even as you sat up and looked at her.
She was in the nightgown you remembered getting her for her birthday. Her other one had been so old, there was no way it had even been comfy anymore. Not to mention she had made sure to let you know at every opportunity how badly she needed a new one. Clearly RJ hadn’t listened, so you had gotten it yourself. It was mighty cute, if you did say so yourself.
Lorraine tip-toed her way to the bed, whispering a quick “scoot over” before crawling underneath the covers with you. Even though the temperature outside was mild, her feet were freezing. Which she made sure to make you aware of when she stuck them against your legs, her smile taking over when you yelped and shivered.
“Were you serious about doin’ a scene with Bobby-Lynn and Max?” She asked as she reached out to force her folded hands between yours. She was freezing all over.
“Depends,” you said even as you started trying to warm up her hands. “Were you bein’ serious about tellin’ me no?”
“Of course I was,” she said indignantly.
“Then so was I,” you said.
Lorraine groaned. “You can’t be serious.”
“As a heart attack,” you said just as quickly.
Even though you weren’t serious at all. That was never the actual plan. The plan was simply to get Lorraine jealous enough to come into the room and, what would you know, that’s exactly what she had done. Even if absolutely nothing else happened, you would be happy. At least you got to spend a night with her without having to keep it a total secret.
“Why would you want to do this?” She asked. “It’s not like you don’t know how it works.”
“Maybe I want to learn a few things,” you said with as much of a shrug as you could do lying on your side.
“What could you possibly learn from smut?” Lorraine asked. “It’s all fake.”
“Were all those noises you made fake?” You asked. “Cause you never do that with me.”
The look on her face was almost offensive. Her eyes lit up like she was in on some little secret. Was she really going to laugh at you? She never laughed at you, not even when she rightfully should. Her hand now cupping your jaw was not enough to distract from the fact she was laughing.
“Is that what you’re worried about?” She asked. “You think I don’t like havin’ sex with you?”
“Not that you don’t like it,” you said quickly. “Just that,” you sighed, “you don’t like it as much.”
Her thumb brushed against your bottom lip. “You make me feel things none of those guys could even dream of.”
“Well you have to say that now,” you said as you leaned further into her hand. “Otherwise I wouldn’t let you put your cold feet on me.”
Her smile slipped to something a little different, a bit more seductive. You didn’t put up any resistance as she used her elbow to push your shoulder until you were laying on the bed. With the same ease as you had seen numerous times, she followed, her legs on either side of you and her weight resting comfortable on top of you. A position you very much loved, even without the arousal that came with it.
“Is there any way I can convince you not to film tomorrow?” Lorraine asked, lowering her tone in such a way that had you squirming underneath her. “What can I do?”
God you were pathetic, she hadn’t even touched you yet.
It was supposed to be a simple question, but you took it to heart. Of course she could convince you, you weren’t planning on filming anyway, but what could you get out of this arrangement? There had to be something you truly wanted, especially now that you had some sort of leverage.
Ah. That was it.
“Somethin’ we haven’t done before,” you said. “Somethin’ you like.”
Her smile slowly grew as she thought of what she wanted. The weight on top of you shifted until her hands pressed your shoulders further into the mattress. You felt her breath on your lips before you felt her kiss, quick and soft and eager. It was enough to get your heart racing even when she pulled away. She was off you in a moment, practically running out of the room.
You sat up on your elbows and watched the open door. What was she doing? Surely she wasn’t going to just leave, right? No, she wouldn’t do that. Right? That had been one of her more mischievous smiles, and she was absolutely one for payback. But you also knew Lorraine was nothing if not eternally aroused, so surely she wouldn’t just leave.
At least she better not, because if she teased you like that only to go and get back in bed with RJ, you were going to lose your mind. You weren’t usually one to make a scene, but you could always make an exception. The wrath of God, and all that good preacher nonsense.
You’re in a house of sin.
Yes you were, and you were going to partake in it for the night. Repentance was only 50 feet and a few hours away. If Lorraine could remove her cross necklace during scenes, surely you could remove the guilt from your chest for a few hours. God may have been in the walls, watching your every move, but He could look away for the time. You were far past the point of caring.
By the time Lorraine came back into the room, you were already jittery. Her hands were behind her back as she closed the door quietly, the click almost inaudible. that mischievous smile was back, but you noticed the way she tapped her foot against the floor, still in the same spot.
“You promise you wanna try somethin’ new?” She asked, her voice uncertain, carrying over the thick air.
“I’m sure,” you said, “just get over here.”
Her steps were slow, methodical on the straight path to the bed. The whole way her hands stayed behind her back. You wondered what she had, but you couldn’t think too hard. Hell, the sway of her hips could have made you forget your own name.
That familiar weight settled on you again as Lorraine straddled you, placing whatever was in her hands off to the side, just out of your sight. When  you tried to twist and look at it, she pressed down against your shoulders again, her lips instantly finding yours.
Her nightgown rested high on her thighs, and you were never one to keep your hands to yourself. She sighed when you slid your hands under her nightgown, resting on her hips. Her breath tickled on your cheek. You couldn’t hold back your quiet chuckle, which Lorraine returned, smiling into the kiss.
“Don’t tickle,” she mumbled against your lips.
“What,” you said just as softly, “that ain't romantic?”
She laughed again, eliciting the same sound out of you as your hands continued up. Your knuckles brushed against the underside of her breasts, transforming her laugh into something a little more breathy but no less joyful. A sound that, you decided, was much better than anything you had heard during her scene.
“Take it off, Raine,” you said.
“What's the magic word?” She said before sitting up straight.
“Please,” you said breathlessly.
She barely waited for the word to leave your mouth before she pulled the nightgown over her head. Every time you saw her undress was like the first time. Your heart raced as she uncovered every inch of skin, from her thighs to her hips to her breasts. Not a single space had been neglected by you in your times together, and you weren't going to start that night.
You sat up, keeping a hand on Lorraine's back to keep her in your lap. She didn't hesitate to grab your face and pull you into a kiss. It immediately shot a wave of arousal down your spine, pooling in your lower abdomen. And for once, that usual spark of guilt was absent.
“Yours too,” she barely managed to say between kisses.
You couldn't speak, simply nodded as you fumbled around like a teenager. Or course the hem of your shirt would hide from you on the one night you not only had Lorraine, but a bed. She laughed again and pulled away. You tried to chase her - you would always try to chase her - but she pulled back again and placed a finger to your lips.
“Let me help,” she said.
Her fingers were so light against your skin that it tickled. She found the hem of your shirt quickly but took her sweet time pulling it up. Those delectable nails of hers scratched against your skin the entire time. Over your sides, the sides of your breasts, the underside of your arms as you held them up for her to finish pulling the shirt off.
“Is this Beau’s?” She asked.
“It’s comfy,” you said meekly.
She tossed the shirt to the side. “You should wear one of mine sometime.”
“I thought you liked me better shirtless,” you teased.
“Maxine has a word for people like you,” Lorraine said when she pulled you back in for a kiss. “She'd call you a minx.”
“I like it,” you said, kissing her back and running your knuckles over her nipples. Her shiver was delightful. “Sounds downright sinful.”
“Stop talking,” she said.
And oh god you did. How could you even consider doing anything else when you were enveloped by her? Her scent, her taste, the feel of her skin, warm against yours. If kissing her was the final nail in your coffin, you would accept death gracefully and with no regrets.
She nipped your lip when you lightly pinched her nipples. Never hard enough to hurt, no, but just enough to draw the most perfect little yelp from her lips. In return, her hands fell to your ribs, pushing against you until you were laying on the bed again.
You shifted, pulling your knee up until you pressed against her. She let out a breathy sigh, but otherwise kept kissing you. There was just something mesmerizing about the way she tasted. An ambrosia not for the gods, but for you alone. A sustenance for your very mind, body, and soul.
“Take these off,” Lorraine said, pulling lightly against the pants that you had also stolen from Beau.
In your defense, he was your fake boyfriend.
“Will you take yours off?” You asked even though you had already started trying to take your pants off.
She nodded hastily. “I want to feel you for a moment.”
You would've happily let her feel you for as long as she wished. All she had to do was give you the smile she was giving you in that moment. The one she had before the accident, the one she saved exclusively for the times she was alone with you. If she looked at you like that for the rest of eternity, you would be in heaven.
Her skin was hot against yours as she laid completely on top of you. On instinct, you wrapped your arms around her shoulders and back as she tucked her head into your neck. Her breath tickled your collar bone, but you couldn't have been happier.
How could such peace be a sin? Such pure love, something that would not only be applauded but praised if you had but been born a man? What difference could there truly be, aside from the shape of your body. The guilt sparked in your chest once again, but this time, you quickly stomped it out.
You would not be shamed for loving Lorraine. Not that night.
The position you were both in was comfortable and, quite frankly, innocent. But that didn't ease the inferno that was still raging inside you. If you had the ability to have Lorraine to yourself more than once in a blue moon, you would have been satisfied. But the “lust of the flesh,” as daddy called it, was as present and angry as always.
Thankfully, Lorraine seemed to feel the same when you felt her hips move and you felt her arousal on your thigh.
“Wanna try somethin’ new?” She asked, placing a seemingly innocuous kiss behind your ear.
“With you?” You asked. You placed your finger under her chin and lifted her face until you could see her eyes. “Always.”
She smiled and kissed you quickly before sitting up. You tried to sit up with her, but she used her bad hand to push you back down with ease. Not that it stopped you from trying to look around her to see the thing she had brought into the room. Her smile turned nervous, but no less excited as she finally turned back around.
“Is that-”
“-Maxine and Bobby-Lynn used one like it a few times,” Lorraine started to explain while she started pulling straps around your hips and thighs. “I asked ‘em to get me one not too long ago.”
“Jesus, Raine,” you said as she pulled the straps tighter.
“It works the same as-”
“-I can guess how it works,” you interrupted.
Her hands slowed to a stop as she finished securing the… phallic toy in place. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”
“Lorraine,” you said as softly as you could, finally sitting up - as best you could without feeling too awkward - and placing your hand on the scarred side of her jaw. “I’m more than okay with it.” She leaned further into your hand. “If you asked me to wear only my boots and spurs, I would do it.”
“Oh yeah?” She asked, her teasing smile coming back in full force.
“Don’t push your luck, Day,” you said before leaning forward to kiss her again.
She moaned softly into the kiss. “If I did it right, you should feel it too,” she said as she lifted herself onto her knees, hovering over you. “So let me know.”
You nodded and pulled her into a kiss. As curious as you were to watch, you wanted to feel her lips against yours. You knew the moment she lowered herself onto the toy; her gasp was to die for. Shorty, breathy, almost inaudible if you hadn’t been kissing her already. The sound alone was enough to leave you soaking and needy.
But then you felt the toy press against you, and you knew you were a goner. Lorraine stayed still in your lap, catching her breath, and you would have been more than happy to keep her there. If she moved, you swore you would cum on the spot. It wasn’t a feeling that was so much better than everything else, but simply the knowledge that you were both feeling something together.
“I guess it works,” Lorraine teased even though she could barely keep herself in control.
“It does,” you said through clenched teeth as you tried to stay strong when she started moving again.
She didn’t have to move for long before you pulled her into a kiss, holding her tight against you. You did your best to move your hips with her. It was awkward and clumsy, and you both laughed a little when, more than once, you moved wrong and the toy slipped out. But you were okay with that, because it meant you got to hear her little gasp again.
As wrong as it felt, you had to picture Jackson to get a good rhythm going, or at least to get started. Specifically, you thought of the way his hips had moved with each thrust. You knew you got it right when Lorraine moaned, her head falling to your shoulder. If you hadn’t been so focused on not cumming or losing your rhythm, you would’ve moaned just the same.
“Baby,” she mumbled against your neck. Her nails dug into your shoulders; you would have to cover the marks up in the morning.
You knew what she wanted; she only ever truly called you “baby” when she was almost ready to cum. And you were more than happy to oblige. You kept one arm wrapped tight around her waist, holding her in place while your free hand slid down her stomach. Past the almost unnoticeable scatter of scars and through that small patch of hair.
Her hips jolted against your hand when you brushed against her clit. It was sloppy work; you would need to get used to the unusual angle later. But clearly it didn’t matter, because while her moans stayed quiet, they got higher in pitch until she bit down on your shoulder.
You used that as your sign to follow her, not even needing three more thrusts before you tipped over the edge along with her. You held her tight, hyper aware of every inch of her skin against yours. Of the slick sweat that coated both your bodies. Of the sting of her teeth and nails, but you would rather die than have her stop. Of your breaths intermingling between you until you were of one breath, one heartbeat, one soul.
Heaven existed, and it was right in that moment with Lorraine.
“You’re bleedin’,” she said softly. You didn’t have to look to know what she meant.
“It’s alright,” you said, pressing a light kiss to the side of her head. “You can nurse me back to health later.”
Lorraine giggled. A light sound that reminded you of when you were all kids and you would do anything to get that sound out of her. It was a reminder of simpler times, back when you were too young to understand that everyone believed what you felt for each other was wrong. A sin. Back when love was just that; love.
You let yourself fall back onto the bed, pulling Lorraine with you. She made a small noise when the toy moved inside her, but quickly settled back onto your chest. Her nails felt good scratching lightly against your skin, more comforting than ticklish. A nervous habit of hers.
“Did you learn all that from Jackson?” She asked.
“Don’t remind me,” you said; she chuckled. “I ain’t proud to say I had to picture him there for a minute.”
“Well, you gave him a run for his money,” she said.
“Think so?” You asked; you felt her nod against your chest. “Cause you still didn’t make the same noises.”
“Because these were real,” she said. Her voice grew quiet. “Everything with you is real.”
You wished she wouldn’t say things like that. That she could just let you both lie there, comfortable in the silence. Everyone was aware of the situation, but just once you wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening. That you actually did get to love her without feeling shame or guilt.
You just pulled her closer.
“I love you,” you said.
“I love you,” she repeated.
It wasn’t enough, but for the moment, you were going to pretend it was. For the moment, you could pretend this was your daily life. Being in the same bed as Lorraine, showing her just how much you loved her, how much she truly meant to you. Holding her tight until you were of the same body and spirit, because no matter what the world thought, you were.
It wasn’t enough. But it would do.
“Are you really goin’ to film a scene tomorrow?” Lorraine asked.
“Absolutely not,” you said. “Bobby-Lynn and Maxine just wanted to getcha all riled up.”
Lorraine lifted her head from your chest and lowered her brows.
“Are you serious?”
“As a heart attack,” you said with a smile.
“Sometimes I hate all of y’all,” she mumbled, quickly ducking her head back underneath your jaw. You still managed to catch the smile on her lips.
“I love you too, darlin’,” you said, pressing a lingering kiss to the top of her head.
Now this. This was enough.
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