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sofoulandfairaday · 10 months

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Do you have any patronus headcanons (if they were able to cast them) for the Black family + in laws?

Ohhhh this anon sparks joy!

These are all soft headcanons by the way, I am very much open to debate on the matter (especially since with the exception of Sirius, who hated the Dark Arts, these people wouldn’t actually be able to cast Patronus Charms which is really fucking stupid imo but whatever, it’s the canon)

Sirius: we know this already, it’s a black dog

Reggie: I am a sucker for those headcanons where Sirius inadvertently finds out that Reggie’s Patronus is a black dog, so definitely that. But on the other hand, I also love black cat Patronus headcanons for Regulus: sleek, quiet, intelligent, extremely magical creatures. So wrapped up in magic as an animal that it would be befitting of a pureblood heir. And it fits his personality perfectly. This art of the Black brothers on this very topic by @likeprongstostars made me emotional, now all of you have to see it. You're welcome.

Walburga: no clue. I want to say something like a big cat, like a panther or something of the sort, but maybe also a manta ray. They’re absolutely huge, imposing creatures, but so beautiful and territorial as fuck. This is my main requirement for Walburga’s Patronus: seeing her reaction to the filth infesting 12 Grimmauld Place makes me think of an animal marking their territory.

Orion: again, no clue. But if I had to pick one probably a crow. Intelligent creatures, loyal, vicious when needed (they can quite literally take your eye out, I can see Orion doing that Kaz Brekker style to someone), but also an omen of death. And to me, the man is a glum sort. I’m sorry but I cannot help but see him a bit like the spectre of the feast (in Italian, literally ‘uccellaccio del malaugurio’, if you know, you know).

Bellatrix: Now. I am convinced that her Patronus is a black swan. This is admittedly not my theory, credit goes to a YT channel called Harry Potter Folklore, but to me, it fits perfectly. First of all, it's a nudge to her father's name, Cygnus (literally ‘swan’), and her loyalty to her family. Secondly, they are elegant, beautiful creatures, extremely faithful and who mate for life, which fits her extreme devotion to the Dark Lord. Black swans specifically are also rare in nature and can symbolize death in some cultures. It's Bella.

Based on this, I'll say that Andromeda and Narcissa's original Patroni were also swans (of the white kind - not that it matters for an actual Patronus since it's made of light, but the distinction is important to me). Both of theirs changed with their respective partners. Andromeda's became a Jack Rabbit (which I headcanon was Ted's: it was also Nymphadora's first Patronus). Narcissa's became the same as her husbands'. Bella was always the most loyal to her family and her sisters and hers stays the same until she dies, fucking fight me.

Lucius: I know you all expect me to say a peacock (and I can see it: territorial, the literal embodiment of vanity, elaborate mating ritual... and you just know Lucius did all of that with Cissy - huge sparkling diamond necklaces and whatnot) but I can also see it being a greyhound - elegant, dogs associated with the nobility, who also represent resilience, and most of all hunting dogs.

Rodolphus: a wolf. My man is wolf-coded, no I will not elaborate. But it's a wolf 100%, just trust me. Also, Rabastan's is a red fox. Non-negotiable.

I would love to hear what you guys think.

#asks #answered #the noble and most ancient house of black #sirius black #regulus black #orion black #walburga black #the black sisters #the black brothers #rodolphus lestrange #lucius malfoy #bellatrix lestrange #narcissa malfoy #andromeda tonks

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cadyrocks · 2 years

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"Weird: The Al Yankovic Story" is a bonafide masterpiece. A glorious parody of hagiographic biopics, we follow Al through a fictionalized version of his life and rise to stardom. At every turn, the degree to which it is fictionalized gets weirder and more extreme, until, without meaning to spoil too much, it reaches a glorious extravaganza of action and violence.

The movie was produced in part by Funny Or Die, and I guess they'll live another day, because Weird is very, very funny. Along with the typical silliness and absurdity you'd expect from a movie like this, it's also riddled with hilarious in-jokes and references to Al's career and to famous moments in rock history that provide a deeper layer to the comedy. That said, even if you know very little about those moments, the surface-level jokes more than carry the film. It's a laugh a minute basically from minute one.

The movie uses Al's music in pitch-perfect ways. We get to see (a highly fictionalized version of) him writing and performing some of the big hits of his career, and these scenes are consistently incredible. I took away a new appreciation for every one of those songs - the moment he whips out "I Love Rocky Road" feels downright transcendant.

Daniel Radcliffe as Weird Al Yankovic is inspired casting. I didn't get it, and then I saw the movie, and I immediately got it within two scenes of him showing up on screen. He perfectly fits the weird, geeky nature of Weird Al, but has no problem rolling with the punches as the fame gets to him and he spirals wildly out of control. Absolutely perfect for the kind of larger than life vibe this movie is going for. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a sucker for Radcliffe (if you haven't seen Guns Akimbo, you should see Guns Akimbo) but he is impeccable in this. As is Riann Wilson giving an aptly demented turn as Doctor Demento. Evan Rachel Wood's Madonna is another gloriously ridiculous performance.

More generally, name a quirky actor or musician you love seeing in movies, and odds are they have a cameo here. Jack Black's turn as Wolf Man Jack is of particular note, in case you needed a reminder that Jack Black is an extremely sexy man who effortlessly owns every scene he's in. Small part, but the charisma on display... Woof. Also, Patton Oswalt shows up for a cameo. I just love seeing that guy in movies.

The lighting and cinematography also deserves special mention. It's all lit and shot in ways to make things look larger than life and surreal, with bright, flashy colors. It's not realistic, but it's not supposed to be. The overall vibe is incredibly effective.

This isn't a perfect movie. There are plot beats involving Al's family that, while needed for the story arc, don't mesh well with the rest of the tone or pace. The way it handles certain beats, while hilarious, are kinda problematic (most notably, it does Madonna pretty dirty and she was not consulted). But when I think about the movie, I don't think of that. I think of the absurdly funny and cathartic "My Bologna" scene, or how much of an incredible heel Madonna is. I think of Pablo Escobar. I think of the wealth of obscenely funny one-liners.

Weird is a comedy treasure. The end credits song notes that it's "technically eligible for Oscar consideration", and frankly, just give Weird Al Yankovic a fucking Oscar, he deserves it. If you like comedy, Daniel Radcliffe, Weird Al, or classic rock history, you owe it to yourself to catch this one.

#weird al movie #daniel radcliffe #weird al

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 4 years

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Michael After Midnight: 88 Lines About 44 Average Movies Not Worth Reviewing

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In the year 1981, Marc Campbell and David Kaufman of the Nails got together and wrote out one of the single greatest songs of all time: “88 Lines About 44 Women.” The song is exactly what it says it is; it is a song, 88 lines long, with two lines each describing a different women. Some of these women are based on real people the two men knew, while other women described in the song are made up. Originally released in 1981 as the first side of the EP Hotel for Women with minimal production - the backing of the song was basically a single droning synth - it was eventually polished up and rerecorded for 1984. The deadpan delivery of the song as well as its general quirkiness and oddball concept has helped make it a beloved obscure 80s song ever since.

Fast forward to… I dunno, the mid to late 2000s? Whenever it was that I watched AMV Hell /0, where it was used in one of the few clips that didn’t feature some absolutely fucked up fetish. It just had good old fashioned bathtub maturation! Anyway, that's how I stumbled across this quirky little song, and fell in love with its odd delivery and peculiar list-like structure. I always wished I could do a parody of it, but it was never meant to be…

Until now! In the year 2020, I came to a decision that would help me finally get a lot of movies out of my system: I’d do a little parody of this odd song and list 44 films that I just don’t think are worth getting a full review with two lines to each film. These are all movies I’ve watched and under any other circumstance would probably make for good reviews… but I just find them too average or just not interesting to talk about to want to dedicate my time to writing out an entire minimum 500 words review. Two lines is what they deserve, that’s good enough.

Anyway, I’m certainly not going to pretend I’m as good as Campbell and Kaufman, but here’s what I managed to punch out by sifting through the mound of perfectly average films I just don’t think deserve elaboration or discussion on my blog... not cuz I think they’re bad or anything, for the most part. I just don’t feel these films engaged me enough for me to make a review of them interesting. Anyway, here we go:

Scorpion King helped launch The Rock It’s a solid Conan clone

My Little Pony is a corny kids film Worth watching for the Smooze alone

Caveman’s an okay Ringo vehicle Decent effects and ambitious at least

Equestria Girl’s a so-so commercial Whose first sequel has it beat

Meatballs, a standard old school camp film By any means, it’s not the worst

Man of Steel is bleak and unfun But Cavill will make you thirst

Prince of Persia’s not that bad But the casting’s rather shit

Yellowbeard has a stellar cast Wasted on a tacky script

Blades of Glory, not amazing But I guess Kanye thinks it’s neat

Smallfoot tackles heavy topics decently Using cryptids with big feet

Nick and Norah is your average Indie cornball romance schlock

I Am Legend would have been awesome If the theatrical ending wasn’t crock

Bender’s Game is a filler film Pointless fluff that’s just not clever

Razorback’s a killer pig flick But other killer animals are better

The Revenant is just okay How did Leo win for THIS?

Illumination’s Grinch is okay Not spectacular, but not shit

Observe and Report is basically Just an edgier Paul Blart

Cheaper By the Dozen’s a bit corny But it has humor and heart

Anchorman 2 is wholly unneeded But hey, there’s Stonewall Jackson’s ghost!

Anger Management’s a Sandler film But not one that sucks the most

Enduring Love’s just Fatal Attraction But just a little bit more gay

For Your Eyes Only’s a Bond outing That’s unremarkable in every way

From Hell’s a Jack the Ripper film That got Alan Moore to rage and rant

The Ring’s ok for PG-13 horror But it won’t make you shit your pants

The Rescuers is a weak film With a few good bits going for it

Soylent Green’s a relevant dystopia But you already know the twist

Fantasia 2000 is like the original Less impressive, but the animation’s nice

Die Hard 2 is just the first film Same shit happened to the same guy twice

The Sword in the Stone would just be a footnote If not for the squirrel girl and Mim

Hugo’s a passable Scorcese kid film Who expected that from him?

The Notebook is a solid romance But the ending’s sadder than the book

Frankenweenie’s not Burton’s best work But it’s mostly cute and worth a look

Hanna’s your standard action thriller You’ve seen this song and dance before

Zack and Mirri Make a Porno With a title like that you’d expect more

Birdman is pretentious wank But Michael Keaton’s performance rocks

Teen Wolf’s a bit of a novelty But who can hate Michael J. Fox?

Urban Legend’s a standard 90s Post-Scream snarky slasher flick

Dogtooth is a hard watch With subject matter that’s quite sick

Super 8 is basically A less engaging Stranger Things

Horrible Bosses is mostly unpleasant But I did enjoy a couple things

Fast Times at Ridgemont High Is cliche, trite, and doesn’t try

Bridge to Terabithia’s main appeal lies In how hard it will make you cry

Jack Reacher’s a bland action film That stars a Scientologist

Manticore, classic SyFy shit I’ll just let it end this list

#Michael After Midnight #Movies #88 lines about 44 women #idk just doing something different tonight

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