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theidiotwhowritesthings · 2 months

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Take Care of You [10]

Sugar Daddy!Joel Miller x Female!Reader

Overall Warnings: slow burn, angst/comfort, power imbalance, age gap, possessive tendencies, eventual smut, #daddyissues, independent reader learns to let go and relax, emotionally constipated Joel Miller learns to be vulnerable; (more specific warnings to be added to individual chapters if necessary)

Chapter Word Count: 5.7k

Mood board and borders by @saradika

Summary: You spent your entire adult life supporting yourself and barely getting by. It’s why a life of ease offered to you by a mysterious stranger sounded so foreign and unbelievable. Joel Miller, dressed in flannels that had seen better days, didn’t look like the kind who could promise you the world on a plate, but he seemed desperate to help out. All he asks is that you let him take care of you. That wouldn’t be so hard. Would it?

[A/N: 🤡. I came back to life to immediately die off again i'm so sorry. here take this next part and all my love. speaking of my love, i already closed beta readers on tiktok but for anyone on here, if you wanna see why i've been so MIA, shoot me a message with your email if you wanna beta read my original work (i do ask that you do a questionnaire afterwards but that's just to help me out). But, imagine a scifi/fantasy where the book 'Six of Crows' meets 'The Last of Us', and I have good sources that y'all like TLOU👀]

[A/N pt.2: I did not edit this to the degree I should have and there is no tag list at the bottom i am so so so so sorry].

10: THE EVIDENCE IS PRETTY DAMNING

The ceiling wasn’t right.

That was your first, foggy thought when your eyes opened. Rather than the bumpy, plaster speckles collecting dust it was smooth and off white. You slowly sat up with a groan, head spinning and mouth dry, and you blinked three times before your situation dawned on you. This was not your bed, not your house. Fuck. You set your hands on the bed to lean back then winced. With a hiss, you pulled your hand up and saw the bandaged injury from last night.

You cradled the hand with your other and turned to hang your legs over the edge of the bed. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed a note on the nightstand. You leaned over. There was a full water bottle and a bottle of tylenol resting on top of a piece of paper. On the paper, in scratchy, nearly illegible, writing was, ‘Come downstairs when you’re ready. Feel free to use the shower and change if you want. ⏤Joel’. You dragged your fingers to trace the words.

With a shaky breath, you grabbed the water bottle and took a couple pills in hopes to nurse the aches and pains you felt. You stared at the words again. Last night, Joel admitted to being married to Sarah’s mom and you had responded by passing the fuck out. You had tried to argue, demand more information, but your body fought against your curiosity. All the drinks you had prior and the fading adrenaline from the fight probably hadn’t helped.

You rose from the bed with a groan and crossed to use the bathroom adjoined to Joel’s bedroom. When you flicked the lights on, you took the first movement to glance around the space. The walls were beige with white tile floors. On one side was a large jacuzzi style tub next to an expansive walk in shower. On the other was ample counter space and drawers with matching him and her sinks. In the back was the small room where the toilet sat and beyond that a walk in closet. The space was lived in. A dirty clothes basket off to the side half full, toiletries on the counter and on the shelves in the shower, you spotted a pair of glasses you had never seen Joel wear resting by the sink on the right side of the counter. That must be the one Joel used most. A toothbrush sat by it and you noticed water by the rim like he hadn’t wiped up when finished.

Also on the counter were a stack of clothes, you stepped toward it and saw it was a t-shirt and pair of sweatpants that must have belonged to him. On top of it was a brand new toothbrush. Your gaze lifted to look at yourself in the mirror and you flinched. You looked a mess⏤ your hair, your clothes, everything. You rubbed at your face with a sigh and slipped into a morning time routine despite the unfamiliar setting.

Celina.

The name rang in your head over and over and over again. It didn’t matter that you had been only half with it last night. You remembered that clearly. As you cleaned up, your headache began to improve and by time you left the bathroom you at least felt human again. A new anger bubbled just under your skin. You couldn’t quite yet put your anger into words, but you knew it was there. After washing up, you traded the clothes you wore to the bar for the ones Joel left you. The shirt was worn out, like it was aged, and navy in color. It read ‘Miller’s Contracting’ with a number on it for contact. It reminded you of the kind of shirt a small company would make and not a multi-million dollar one. You tightened the waistband of Joel’s sweatpants. They were at least joggers so you didn’t have to worry about tripping over yourself.

You crossed the upstairs, open space to the stairs. Faintly, you heard the sound of someone moving around downstairs. A brief wave of nervousness had you hesitating at the top of the stairs, but it slipped away back to anger. It seemed that was where your heart was making camp this morning.

Slowly, you descended the stairs. The wooden floors under your feet didn’t creak or make noise as you padded into the living room first. A few couches were situated in front of a wall that held a large flat screen TV and a fireplace. The back wall was made of glass, a window and door all in one that revealed the back patio where a small pool and deck were, and the space beside it was the kitchen. Just as open as the rest of Joel’s house. The cabinets were made of dark wood with matching countertops and at the center was a large island with chairs.

On the island counter looked like to-go boxes of food. You stared at them a moment longer, but a door hidden just out of view on the wall in the kitchen opened. Joel stepped into the kitchen nonchalantly until he spotted you and did a double take. He froze and stared. The two of you were actually similarly dressed. He had on a t-shirt that looked tight on his broad shoulders and a pair of sweatpants that hung low on his hips. Joel looked exhausted.

“Hey.” He said softly. “Mornin’, sug⏤” Joel stopped himself, it looked like he choked on his words, but he locked his jaw and changed direction. “Mornin’. How did you sleep?” You gave a small shrug and a tight lipped smile. “Right. How’s your…” Joel lifted his own hand. “Your hand?”

You lifted it up to stare down at it. The bandages had been pulled away when you washed up this morning. It didn’t look so bad. “It’s fine. Thanks for the⏤ the tylenol. And the toothbrush. And the,” You motioned to the clothes hanging off your frame, “You know.”

“Can I?” Joel nodded toward you.

“I said, it’s fine, Joel.”

“I…” He sighed and the look in his eyes was agonizing. “I know you’re pissed at me. Understandably so. But, please let me…”

You walked over to sit down at one of the tall chairs at the island counter and set your hand on the marble top. Joel mumbled a quiet ‘thank you’ and disappeared for a quick second. He was back with a small first aid kit again. You twisted your lips when you felt his warm hand cautiously take yours. It was quiet as he reapplied a bit of medicine to the hand before wrapping it up again.

“You don’t…” Joel started then cleared his throat. You never would have used the word anxious to describe the Joel you had gotten to know thus far, but nervous energy seemed to radiate off him. The tension in his shoulders looked painful to keep hold of. “I had breakfast delivered. Some stuff I know you like.” Joel pulled his hand away from yours. “But you don’t have to stay if you don’t wanna.”

“No. I want to.” You replied. Joel looked briefly hopeful. “I want to talk about this. I want⏤ to know. I want answers.”

“Right. Of course.” Joel nodded quickly. “I owe you at least that.” You nodded in agreement. Joel straightened from where he stood and ran a hand over his chest and shoulder with a quiet cough. “Can I make you something to drink? Coffee, tea, juice?”

You gave a small nod, mumbling a response, and watched as Joel put it all together. He poured himself a cup of coffee after serving you. Rather than take the seat beside you, he stood on the other side of the island counter across from you.

“You mentioned the girl from Vegas last night briefly, but how did you know…”

“Yo-yo told me you had a sugar baby before me. That you married her.”

“I did have a sugar baby before you, yes.” Joel sighed.

“Why did you lie to me?” You demanded.

Joel shook his head, “I never lied to you. I just⏤ I never told you, and you never asked.”

“Really?” You scoffed. “That’s what you wanna hang your hat on here? Semantics?” Joel hung his head then shook it a bit. “I didn’t want to believe her, but yesterday Nima texted someone she knows. A private investigator⏤”

Joel’s eyes widened, “You hired a private investigator??”

“I didn’t hire anybody! Nima just texted them and they confirmed⏤”

“You went to a PI before just asking me?” Joel replied sharply. You leaned back in your seat⏤ in shock at his audacity. He must have noticed how you felt because he held up a hand. “I just mean, that’s a huge invasion of privacy and all you had to do was call me⏤”

You pushed out of your seat and turned to leave. Joel called out after you before following. He grabbed your hand to tug you to a stop and you glared at him over your shoulder. You snapped, “If you’re just going to stand there and be defensive then there’s no reason for me to be here, Joel.” You pulled your hand out of his grip and spun to face him. “I understand that getting in contact with a fucking PI was a crazy move, but yesterday I felt a little crazy.” You scoffed. “I felt like an idiot. I felt like a naive, desperate idiot who got played. So, yeah, I let Nima text her cousin’s cousin’s cousin to find an answer because the thought of standing in front of you and asking⏤”

The rest of your words got caught in your throat. You didn’t want to get emotional in front of Joel. More than anything you wanted to keep your cool and be collected. Just in case he did break your heart, you could walk away with at least some of your dignity intact. Joel took a step closer. Thankfully, he didn’t try to touch you, but he did lift his hands slightly in surrender.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m sorry.” He said. “I’m being defensive. Hell, I'm being an ass.” You locked your jaw and let your eyes focus on something over his shoulder. Unable to stare into those deep, dark eyes. “This is… This isn’t an easy subject for me to talk about and I⏤ I panicked. I want you to hear me out. I want you to know the truth.” He shifted in his stance so your gaze was forced to meet his. The longing there made you suck in a sharp breath. “Please. Give me another chance to explain this. I’ll do better.”

You rubbed the back of your neck with your non-injured hand and gave a small nod.

“Thank you. Thank you.” Joel repeated himself. He took a step back but kept his shoulders facing you as if he thought you were a flight risk. Joel motioned to his couch. “Do you wanna sit? I’ll grab our drinks.” You sighed and meandered over to sit down on one end of his leather couch. Joel didn’t move back into the kitchen until after you were seated. He came back with both of your drinks and handed you your own before sitting on the other side of the couch. One cushion of space between the two of you.

You took a sip, trying to gather your thoughts, before nodding once. “I want to know about your wife first. Celina, you said? I want to know about her.”

“Yeah.” Joel swallowed thickly. “Do you remember anything I mentioned about Sarah’s mom before?”

“I didn’t know her name.” You replied. “You said the two of you had dated for, like, three months?” Joel nodded. “She got pregnant, and you worked it out. Things were fine, but two weeks after Sarah was born she left. You never said the two of you got married though.”

“Because we didn’t.” Joel replied softly. “I asked. Proposed to her when we found out she was pregnant with Sarah, and she said no.” Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but he wasn’t meeting your gaze anymore. Joel stared down at the coffee mug in his hands. “I loved her. She was my first real love, actually. I knew our situation wasn’t ideal, but… I wanted it to work. I saw a future with her.” Joel ran his thumb back and forth on the edge of his mug’s rim where it reached. He chuckled, “When Sarah was born… Those two weeks? It was⏤ It was good. But, uh, then she left.” Joel shrugged in a way that attempted nonchalance but did not meet the mark. “Her leaving hurt for a lot of reasons. For one, in no way was I prepared to take care of a newborn.”

You set your drink on the coffee table before leaning back. Joel stayed silent, his jaw clenching and unclenching, and you recognized the look of someone getting stuck in their own memories. You spoke up, “What happened then? When did you get married?”

“Celina is…” Joel began. He rubbed his jawline. “I spent a lot of time being furious with her⏤ hating her. Not just for leaving me behind, but for leaving Sarah. Sarah deserved better.” He shook his head. “But she… she came to me, needing help, and I⏤ I couldn’t say no. Not to her. And not because I still had any sort of feelings for her, but because no matter how angry I was at her she gave me Sarah.” A vulnerable softness filled his features and he finally lifted his head to meet your gaze fully. “Without Celina, I wouldn’t have Sarah.”

You could understand that. You knew that his daughters meant absolutely everything to Joel. More so, despite all the shit going on between the two of you right now, despite Joel arguing otherwise, you knew he was a good man. You had a very hard time picturing him saying no to anyone who came to him for help.

“When did she come to you? And why? What problem is solved with marriage?”

“Three years ago. Just about.” Joel mumbled. “It’s… She was sick. Cancer. The only feasible treatment was going to bankrupt her because her insurance refused to cover the cost. Celina came back wanting to see Sarah. Get to know her before she died.” Your eyes widened in surprise at both the news and the confusion that came with trying to connect the dots. “I told her that was up to Sarah⏤ she was old enough to make that decision for herself and I was gonna support her with whatever she chose.”

You nodded slowly, “Okay…”

“Sarah decided she did want to meet her mom. And I…” Joel paused. He set his coffee mug down on the coffee table as well and laced his fingers together. He was fidgeting. Another nervous tick of his. Joel could never seem to keep his hands still when he was caught in his own mind. It was like his hands so desperately wanted to fix what stressed him out⏤ even if it wasn’t a physical problem they could fix. “I⏤ I couldn’t stop thinking… remembering…”

Joel squeezed his eyes shut, and the palpable pain had you shifting closer. It dawned on you. Words clicking in your mind. You set a hand on his forearm and gave it a small squeeze, “Your mom.” Joel had told you, ages ago, that he had lost his own mother to cancer. “You lost her. I remember you telling me.”

“Yes.” Joel unlaced his own fingers so he could settle one hand on top of yours⏤ still resting on his forearm. The tip of his thumb dragged back and forth against the knuckle of your index finger. Tracing the shape of it. “It wasn’t… It wasn’t the exact same, I know that, but… Sarah technically had already lost her once.”

“Joel…”

“I offered to pay. Pay for the treatment in full.” Joel’s thumb stilled to squeeze your hand once. “I’d cover all the costs, but⏤ but Celina refused. Said she didn’t want,” Joel scoffed with a humorless laugh, “Didn’t want to be a ‘charity case’. Said she didn’t come back for my money, or for me to fix the problem, she came back for Sarah.” Joel shook his head. “We argued in circles for God knows how long. We finally settled on this. If we got married, she’d have my insurance instead of her own. My insurance would cover most of the treatments and she’d pay what it didn’t.”

You understood that. It matched up with what you knew about Joel. “How is she? Now?”

“In remission. Since seven months ago, she’s been in remission.” A small smile flickered on his features. “She lives in Waco. Wanted to be closer to Sarah. One of the only reasons I could stomach all of us coming to LA while Sarah stayed in Texas for college. I knew she’d at least have her there in case of emergencies.”

Your face scrunched in question, “Then why… Why are you still married?”

“I don’t have a reason. Not a real one. Not beyond me just being lazy.” Joel said firmly. He held your hand tight, keeping it pinned to his arm, like it was a lifeline. “Up until now, it didn’t matter to me. It made no difference. That’s it. I swear to you, sugar.” The nickname fell out of his mouth like second nature. “And I’m working on changing that already. You can ask Tommy or⏤ or hell I’ll give you Celina’s number or our lawyer’s number. We started the official divorce paperwork the day you and I got back from Vegas. It was the first call I made after dropping you off at your place.”

You did believe him. As Joel held your gaze, all you could see in those soulful eyes was a deep desperation. An ache seeking the comfort that would come with reassurance. “I believe you.” You said softly and his eyes closed in relief. His entire body sagged as the tension seeped out of it. You really did believe him, and of all the ways this could’ve gone wrong technically you supposed this was the best case scenario. However, learning this made you realize what aspect of this bothered you more than most. You slid your hand out from under his. “Why… Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I was… I was going to. After.”

“Why though? Why after?” You shook your head. “Why didn’t you trust me with this?” Joel’s face fell again. “I know we haven’t known one another for long, but…” You bit back your words before you admitted to the naive truth that you felt some sort of connection to him. That being with him was as easy as breathing and you foolishly let yourself get carried away. “I don’t…”

Joel quickly scooted closer, a hand held up in surrender, “Had nothing to do with⏤ with me not… I do trust you. I do.” Joel shook his head. “Me not mentioning this had nothing to do with you. It was me.” His words reminded you of Vegas. This excuse was sounding familiar and the more you heard it the harder it was to believe. He hung his head and winced. “I need to tell you about⏤ about Erina.”

“That’s…” You began. “Is that your sugar baby?

“Yeah.” Joel nodded. “But it was more complicated than that.”

“So, I’m gathering.” You mumbled. The words of frustration left your lips before you could filter them. In this situation, you felt you had every right to be upset and bitter, but the look of pained guilt that filled Joel’s features made every cell in your body vibrate with regret. It felt like you had just kicked a puppy, and those sad, brown eyes were heart wrenching. “Sorry.”

Joel shook his head quickly. “No. Don’t. You don’t need to be sorry. I do.”

“You’re talking to me⏤ answering my questions.” You replied with a small shrug. “The least I can do is not be petty.” You twisted your lips. “So? Tell me about her.”

“She wasn’t my sugar baby to begin with.” Joel started softly. He turned his head to keep his gaze on the mug sitting on the coffee table, and you found the story easier to stomach without those powerful eyes focused on you. “My company got hired for a job. It was a big one, which is why it came across my desk. Some summer project. A finance guy wanted his vacation house completely renovated in Malibu. I decided to take a more hands on position for the entire thing. Stayed on site to work.” It wasn’t a shock to hear. You were plenty aware that Joel spent most of his work time on site if he could. Joel only donned a tie for the board room when Tess wrestled him into it. “The guy who hired us wasn’t there, but his wife was. At least, I thought it was his wife.”

“But it wasn’t.”

Joel gave out a sad chuckle, “No. She wasn’t. Erina was… lively and energetic. She was fun, and I… It had been a long time since I experienced that kind of light hearted fun. Plus, the client, when he did come around, was such an asshole to her and I⏤” Joel sighed. “She left him midway through the project, but we didn’t get involved with one another until after it was over. When it started, it was great. The honeymoon phase was…” His voice trailed off as a small, sad smile crossed his face. You found your stomach churn in jealousy at him talking about this other woman. It was damn near nonsensical, but the emotion rose up regardless. “The issues started a while in. I realized that we saw the relationship differently. I thought… I thought what we had was real, and she only saw me as her new sugar daddy.”

For a while, we just went on. I didn’t think the difference in how we viewed things would matter. Stupid, I know, but… I thought I was happy.” Joel mumbled the last bit. He lifted a hand to rub at his jawline. “As you’ve probably figured out, I’m not⏤ I’m not good at this. Relationships and…” He tensed. “Some people are just better off alone, but I’ve been too hard headed to accept that.”

“Joel.” You interrupted the flow of his story at his claim. You didn’t believe that and you especially refused to believe it about Joel. “That’s not⏤”

“Things were still working until I…” Joel shook his head. “I told her about Celina. Tried to explain the situation to her, but when she told me to get divorced and I couldn’t⏤ that’s when it all started to crumble. I didn’t actually end the relationship until after I found out she was seeing a few other guys.” You opened your mouth the speak, the beginnings of a sentence you didn’t know how to end slipping from your tongue, but Joel suddenly turned in his seat to face you and the look in his eyes silenced any attempt at speech. He hesitantly reached out and let his hand settle on top of yours. When you didn’t pull away, he squeezed his grip tighter. “You and Erina are not the same. It wasn’t until after we stopped seeing one another that I realized how terrible our relationship had been. So please, please, don’t think I’m comparing you to her because I’m not. I know how she reacted is not some⏤ some default and you wouldn’t necessarily react the same, but… but every time I considered telling you about Celina, all I could imagine was you leaving. And I, selfishly, stopped myself from admitting the truth to you because I didn’t want to ruin this the way I ruin everything else.”

You murmured his name. Early on, you recognized Joel had trust issues, but you had never realized it stretched this far. Joel didn’t trust even himself. It broke your heart that he thought so poorly of himself. No matter how upset you were at the man you knew deep down he was a good. His mistake had hurt you, but it hadn’t been born of malice. You saw that now. Fear and self doubt had brought the two of you to this crossroads.

“Joel, that isn’t true.” You said softly. “You don’t ruin everything.”

“The evidence is pretty damning.” Joel chuckled sadly. You opened your mouth to argue, but he shook his head quickly and held out a hand to stop you. “That’s not the point of… I should’ve told you. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. I should’ve told you, been up front about it all, and I’m sorry.” Joel sighed. “I’m sorry, sugar.”

He had answered a number of your questions and with the truth came the relief of knowing. Plus, the answer technically hadn’t been your worst case scenario. God knew your brain was plenty capable of thinking up some nightmare-ish situations. So in comparison, it would be worse. Still, there was an itch that hadn’t quite yet been scratched.

“Why… Why seek out a new sugar baby?” You asked. His experience with Erina had obviously been less than ideal so why try again? You shook your head, “Why me?”

“Those are two very different questions.”

“How do you figure that?”

“I …” Joel began hesitantly. You could see his thoughts jumbling in his mind as he struggled to string one along. Conversations like this were hardly considered Joel’s comfort zone so you did appreciate that he was trying. That went a long way as well. “Erina came back into my life not so long ago.” You felt your stomach drop and your heart clench painfully. The emotional response was so physical that it nearly made you sick. Joel must have noticed because he quickly reached out and settled a hand on your shoulder. “No. Not like that. She means nothing to me. She came to me wanting to get back together, harassing me about it, but I’ve made it crystal clear to her and everyone around us that I have no interest in restarting something with her. Especially now.”

“Okay…”

“The idea was…” Joel winced sheepishly. “The idea was to hire a sugar baby as a way to show her that I was serious. We were done and I was moving on.” It was ridiculous enough that from anyone’s else mouth you wouldn’t have believed them, but they had been said in Joel’s sincerity. “I know how that sounds.”

“Not good. It sounds not good.”

“I know. Everyone told me it was a bad idea. Tess, Sarah, Ellie.” You found it interesting that his daughters knew about their father’s love life to that degree. It spoke to how close they were and his stance on honesty. Joel chuckled. “Actually, the only person who agreed with me on the plan was Tommy, but I suppose that should’ve been a sign to give it up.” Your lips twitched up mildly in amusement. “But, deep down I knew it would hurt Erina, and I… I wanted to be petty.”

You shrugged, “And I’m apart of this… how? To annoy Erina?”

“No.” Joel said firmly, almost roughly. “Absolutely not. Remember the day you bought me that coffee? I said I had been meeting with some other, um, women?” You nodded and let him continue. “By time I made it to the that coffee shop, I had already half decided to give up the idea. It was obviously going poorly. I was literally just looking for someone I wouldn’t mind spending time with and I couldn’t even do that. But you were… God, meeting you felt like a breath of fresh air.” He messily ran a hand through his hair while his other continued to fidget. “You stayed on my mind and when I spotted you again…”

“I…” You tried to find the right words. The ones he would want to hear. It felt odd to give forgiveness for a misunderstanding, but you knew that’s what he was seeking. Validation. “I forgive you.”

The relief on Joel’s face was staggering and when he held a hand out to you, you knew exactly what he was asking for. You closed the space and let him pull you into a hug. His warm, large hands enveloped you as he craddled the back of your head to hold you as closely to him as you could. You wrapped your own arms around him and lazily dragged your thumb up and down where it rested.

You did forgive him for this. That was the truth and you meant it with your whole heart, but this entire experience was eye opening. You had fallen for Joel so dangerously fast. It made you realize that if this had been a different scenario, one of the nightmare-ish ones you imagined, it would’ve destroyed you. With the speed you were moving in, you would’ve hit the ground at a million miles per hour and shattered. You forgave Joel, but you needed to figure out a way to better guard your heart.

“I’m sorry for reaching out to a PI.”

“No. Don’t be.” Joel pulled back and the hand at the back of your head dragged forward to cup the side of your face. He sighed, “You were right. I should’ve handled this better, but I… I do appreciate you saying so.” The two of you sat in a moment of silence and for the first time since you met him that silence felt awkward. Joel must have felt it as well based on the clearing of his throat and fidgeting. “So… Are we— Are we okay?”

You nodded, “I think so.” The tension left Joel’s shoulders and you quickly stood. “I should… I should go.”

“You’re off today though, aren’t you?” Joel stood as well.

“Well, yeah, but—”

“Stay. Please.” Joel motioned back to the kitchen. “Have breakfast. I called Tommy and he’s gonna bring over your stuff.” Your eyes widened in surprise and he shrugged. “Tommy is gonna bring over your friend who has your stuff I should say.”

You hesitated, nervous after this heart to heart, but Joel held out a hand to you. Equally a peace offering and lifeline. You just weren’t sure if it was a lifeline for you or him. You set your hand in his and he gave it a small squeeze. The smile on his face was soft and open. Two words you knew not many people were able to claim as a description with him.

Joel led you back toward the kitchen and when you turned to try and go back for your mug he stopped you. He settled you on one of the bar stools, hands lingering on your hips briefly, before going back to the living room for both your mugs.

“You know, when I pictured you spending the night here this wasn’t quite how I thought it’d go.” Joel chuckled and grabbed a plate. You leaned on the counter and waited since you knew that plate he was making was meant for you. It took a second for his words to dawn on you. Joel pictures you spending the night in his home with him? Your face and neck warmed at the thought. It wasn’t like you hadn’t had those kinds of ideas, but hearing it from him still made your heart flutter. Even with the disaster miscommunication still lingering in your rear view mirror. “Here. Lemme know if you want anything else.” Joel set the plate in front of you and handed you a fork. After making his own plate, he pulled the barstool beside you closer and sat down. He sat sideways to face you and his knee pressed against your stool. “We could, uh, we could have a day in.”

“Hm?” You took a bite of your food.

“We’re both in pajamas and neither of us have work.”

“You don’t have work?” You asked in surprise.

Joel shook his head. “I already called Tess and told her I wasn’t coming in today. Told her I was feeling sick.”

“Did she actually believe you?” You smirked.

“No.” Joel chuckled. “She didn’t. But she also didn’t call me out on my shit, so…”

He gave you a charming smile, obviously trying to lighten the mood, and you found you appreciated it. Things weren't perfect, but for the sake of what had been you were willing to try.

#joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #the last of us fanfiction #sugar daddy!joel miller x reader #sugardaddy!joel miller #i forgot what tags i used to use #oh lord #uh #reader insert #joel miller

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romana-after-dark · 7 months

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Don't You Worry Your Pretty Little Mind

DBF!Joel Miller x Fem!reader

Sugar Daddy Joel, No outbreak

Masterlist : Taglist

Summary: You need money for next semester. Luckily, your dad's rich friend's eyes follow you were ever you go, and he thinks you're such a good girl.

Warning: DUB CON VIA BRAINWASHING AND MANIPULATION: The sex is v consentual, the breeding is worn down. Breeding kink, age gap (30 ish years), Joel's obsession with gender rolls. The gender rolls and sentiments expressed by Joel and eventually reader are not mine. You do not need to be a mother or wife or care for children to be a good girl. Joel is controlling and manipulates reader away from friends and keeps her financially in the blind but he does not hurt her. If you like this and are okay with DARK DARK DARK you might like The Wrong Way on my masterlist bc Joel housewifes little one up. Cream pie, fingering, oral, but its not super smutty. Most is implied.

Immersability: Joel can pick up reader, reader can have kids theoretically.

This born of me being under extream stress rn and wanting all my thoughts out of my head.

*******************************

Joel was broad, sweaty, and all consuming over you.

His thrusts were growing erratic, sloppy, but that was okay; he’d made you cum 4 times already, so it was his turn. You had no idea how someone his age had so much stamina while you got winded walking up a flight of stairs, but were too tired to think much further on it. As it was, you were falling asleep as his rhythmic thrust rocked you. It wasn’t that you were bored, it was that you were completely and totally wrecked. Spent. Fucked to sleep.

“Please baby, please? I need to cum inside you, need to make you mine.”

“I am yours.” You insisted quietly, fucked out head unable to stay up and nodding to the side. You needed sleep.

Joel continues to grunt, to plead with you. “Not yet, not until you’re stuffed full of my cum, not until your belly swells with my baby…”

It was supposed to be one time. You were so, so close to having enough money for another semester of college… but not enough. You’d been late on payments so often your school required it upfront for you now, and you were just short.

“Hey hun, you alright?” Joel let himself into your family’s home. He had a key right now, with your parents vacationing in Europe the last couple months and gave Joel a key to watch over things. To watch over you.

You check yourself in the mirror once again, everything needed to be perfect, so you shout down the hall. “One moment, sorry!”

“Take your time, darl’n.”

Re-apply lipstick. Wait, no, too much lipstick. It’s too try hard, take some off. Fuck you smugged it! Touch out your cover up, then the lipstick again. FUCK ITS TOO MUCH! Oh fucking well, your were whoring yourself out, might as well look like one. Straighten your dress. Tits out.

You tried to act casual. It wasn’t unusual to see you dressed up for dinner, your parents were big on dressing for dinner especially when guests were over, and Joel had been a friend guest. Him and your dad were close friends ever since your dad represented Joel in his divorce, getting him full custody of Sarah. It ended up being pointless anyway, as his ex-wife stopped taking Sarah for her weekends a year into the divorce. Sarah had been just a pawn for her, but Joel loved her, taking care of everything she needed for college. His business had taken off, moving from not only construction to full on housing and property developments, so he had paid for her college and was paying for her dream wedding as well. You were invited, although you’d only met her a few times. Your parents, despite their success, had no interest in helping you with college when you rejected pre-law in favor of early childhood development, so you’d been paying your own way.

Joel had defended your life choices when your dad attempted to publicly embarrass you, your dad stating that you ‘don’t fucking listen’ and were an ungratful, disobidiant brat at a dinner party, but Joel wouldn’t hear it. He said you were ‘a good girl’, and that it was a beautiful thing to see a woman who cares about children, still in this world. He praised your efforts and your determination.

“Thank you for coming, Joel.”

Joel stands as you enter the room. “Of course, a pretty girl invites me to dinner, how could I say no? Everything's alright here, no one’s giving you any trouble are they?”

“Yes, everything is good, thank you.”

“Anything need fixing while I’m here?”

“No, thank you. Come on, diners ready.”

You lead him to the kitchen, and you don’t miss the way his eyes trail down as you pass. This is what you were counting on.

Joel was quick to praise your food, not holding back on compliments. “This is delicious, sweetheart, you really got a skill here.” and “You’ll make some man very happy one day.”

That last one made you swell with pride. You were happy he thought of you as wife material. What you were about to do wasn’t very “good girl” of you, however. Joel always called you a good girl, while your dad thought for sure you were taking an ‘easier’ major to allow more time for partying. You wanted Joel to think you were good.

After dinner, you and Joel sat down with coffee and a cherry crumble, smoothing your dress over the couch. Conversation was light, easy. It was always easy with Joel, despite him making you nervous. He was just so fucking handsome, so fucking strong, and the way he talked about sarah with a twinkle in his eye… you know he was a good dad, a loving dad. The few times you met Sarah, Joel always took care of her even in adulthood. He gave her gas money she never asked for, told her she looked beautiful, and his face always beamed with pride when he looked at his daughter. He always hugged her goodbye, even if he’d see her tomorrow. Your father hadn’t hugged you in years.

“Is there a reason you brought me here tonight?” Joel asked, sipping his black coffee with a bit of splenda in it, a splash of the dark liquid remaining on his mustache until he dabbed it away.

You squirm a bit in your seat. “Well, yes, actually. Not that I don’t enjoy your company!” Was your fast addendum.

Joel chuckled, smiling into his mug. “Don’t worry sweetheart, I ain’t one of those old men that have delusions of pretty young girls wanting to spend time with them.”

“That’s not it!” You stand quickly, fluttering over to where he sat on the couch and plopping down. “I swear, Mr. Miller, if you say no, I’d want you to stay and finish dessert, I enjoy spending time with you, just as we are.”

Joel was struggling more and more to stave off his orgasm, but he needed this. He couldn’t just cum in you, although you wouldn’t resist and he doubted you’d throw a fit. He had you too wrapped around his finger by now. Young, sweet, naive thing that you were… but Joel needed you to want this too, Joel needed a life with you at his side, his pretty wife, mother of his children… starting tonight.

“Joel, nooooo…” You mutter, tired and worn out. He made sure to get you like this; compliant. “I have to finish school, Joel…”

“Sweetheart, it’s okay. Just tell me what you need, I’m sure we can work something out.”

You wring your hands in your lap, suddenly aware of your proximity to him. He smelled like leather and sandalwood.

“Well, as you know I’m in school…”

He nodded, setting down his drink. “That’s right, Early Childhood isn’t it?”

That made you light up, turning to actually look at him and finding his kind eyes on you. “Yes! I can’t believe you remembered!”

“I remember your dad ranting about it. I told him he shouldn’t have been surprised, good girl like you, wanting to take care of children.”

You nod quickly. “Yes exactly! My school offers a minor in special needs which I added too.” You were happy with his approval of your choice and added that fact on to make you seem more noble. This was a good cause he was investing in. You were a good girl who wanted to help children.

“My oh my, darl’n…” Joel mused. “You really are a sweetheart, aren’t you? Now, what can I do to aid such a valiant effort.”

“Well, school starts this month and I’m close, I’m so, so close to having enough but even with the overtime, it’d looking like I’ll be short about $500 for tuition, and then there’s books and supplies and-”

“Now wait a minute, little lady.” Joel held up a hand, and for a moment you’re disheartened and think he’s about to reject your ask before it’s even out, but his furrowed brow is for another reason. “Your daddy ain’t help’n you pay for school?”

“No sir… not since I refused to go to pre-law.”

“Well that ain’t right… I know how much he makes, he can pay for a few months in Europe but not your school? Fathers are supposed to take care of their daughters.” He looked genuinely disappointed.

Shrugging, you chuckle nervously. “Well, I suppose he doesn’t think it’s very useful, so he doesn’t want to pay for it.”

“You graduate before the second semester.”

“But my dad”

“I’ll handle your dad”

“What about Sarah?”

“I’ll handle Sarah.”

“But the money-”

Joel stopped, mid trust, his cock buried inside you and trying his best to stave off his orgasm.

“Sweetheart… Don’t you know I want to marry you?”

Joel had known Mike wasn’t the most attentive father, but he never thought it was this bad. He always thought you were a good girl, kind hearted and calm, empathetic and caring. It had only been this last year that he’d begun to see you as something more, something seductive, yes, someone who he thought about fisting his cock at those lonely nights, but, that wasn’t the full picture either. You were a caretaker… Maternal.

“That’s fuck’n stupid.” Joel countered, bluntly. “Take’n care of children, that’s the most important job on earth, why, your daddy should but thrilled to have such a nurturing daughter!” His voice was raised just a bit, but not at you. Didn’t your dad see what a prize he had? A woman like that, well, you were of high value. You were a treasure. His bitch of an ex wife never really wanted to be a mother, he knew that now, just like his mother. They had Sarah because that’s what you did when you were married in the 90’s. Joel fell in love immediately… she never really attached, and much like his mother wasn’t mentally present on the rare occasion she was physically… Well, his ex-wife lasted longer than his mother did, anyway. You would never leave your child like that. You would never leave him like that. “Whadya need, sweetheart.”

Your fidgeting continues. “Well… $1000… but… It’s not a loan, I was hoping to… to sell you something.”

Interesting… you had his complete attention, whatever you needed, it was yours. $1000 was nothing, and he’d much sure such a good girl had everything she needed… you deserved it.

“Whatever it it, darling girl, I’ll buy.”

He saw you taking a deep breath, hesitating at first before standing up and walking in front of him. You looked stunning in your red dress, an absolute marvel.

With a deep breath and hands folded in front of you., you answered what you were selling.

“Me.”

“W-what?” You were suddenly awake again, snapping back to reality at his words. “No, no Joel you’re just saying that…”

Joel shook his head. “I wouldn’t like about that, baby. C’mon, you gotta know how badly I want to marry you. You're my good girl. We’d be so happy together, just you and me…” A large, splaying hand on your bare belly. “And our baby…”

Joel stands up, walking over to you and towering his body over yours. “Sweetheart, do you know what you're asking?”

You look up at him and nod. “I do, Joel. Please know I understand what I’m doing.”

He shakes his head. “No, darling girl I’ll just give you the $1000, you don’t have to-”

“I want to.” You eyes shined at him, timid but attempting to look sure. “I can’t just take a hand out.”

“You can-” He reached for his wallet, but you grab his hands.

“I can’t. Joel…” You slide up to him, pressing your body too his. “I’ve seen the way you look at me… I look at you like that too.”

Reaching a hand up, Joel cups your face. “Baby…” He groans, erection growing in his pants already at the thought. “I don’t think I can do this just once… you gotta know that, don’t you? Special girl like yourself…” His eyes darted to your lips, cherry red and beautiful and oh-so inviting.

You look down at his shirt as you behind to feel up his chest. Firm muscles of hard work under the softness of age. “Well, maybe… since my dad won’t help me…” You wriggle your pelvis against his, taunting him before looking up at his brown eyes again. “We can come up with an arrangement?”

Joel was holding on by a thread. “Yeah? You gonna let me take care of you?” His thumb on your face spreads to your mouth, and when it prods are your lips, you open eagerly. Keeping eye contact with his brown orbs gone black, your nod and suck, the message clear. Yes sir.

“Fuck…” Joel mumbles his mouth encasing yours in a harsh, hard kiss and scooping you up with ease, only to lay you down on the couch. Your red dress splays and russles as he does, bending your knees so it slides down to your hips. When you make an attempt to remove the dress, rough hands stop you. “Keep the dress on.”

Your black tights, however, were ripped open to reveal white lacy underwear. “Uh fuuuuck..;. So beautiful…” He marvels at your pussy, so perfectly groomed for him. Falling to his knees on the floor, Joel mouths over the clothed core, his breath adding to the heat as he explored you.

“You don’t have to-”

“I know damn well I don’t.” Joel snaps. “I don’t want to, sweetheart, I need to.”

With that, Joel ripped off your underwear with two hands and dived into you. He couldn’t help but palm himself over his pants as he did. You just tasted too good, and he was a starved man.

His thrusts continued, but with a different rhythm this time. Eyes sharply on yours, he drew back slowly but thrusting in hard. Slowly, hard. Less slow, more harder. Less slow… you were going to come again, eyes never leaving his for a moment.

“Everything you ever need, everything you ever want, I’ll take care of. I’ll provide for you, I’ll love you, protect you, I’ll care for you… only thing you ever need to do is take care of me and this baby, okay? That’s it.”

You were dizzy, you were worn, you were on the precipice of climax and you were in love.

“Okay.”

His eyes light up, a smile spreading on his face. “Yeah, baby? You lett’n me fill you up?”

Joel knew you were ovulating. Of course he did. Joel tracked your periods to make sure he always knew what you needed. Heating pads, tea for bloating, pads and tampons and cups. He said he wanted to know so that he could take care of you emotionally.

Of course he knew when you were ovulating.

The next two hours were a blur of bliss, Joel taking care of all your needs, physical, sexual, even emotional.

At the end, a $2000 check was written in your name and a tender kiss on the head as he parted as well as plans between you to for next time.

For the next several months, ‘next time’ became more and more frequent, more and more demanding but a higher and higher price. Joel began to take care of it all. Your apartment, your food, every single need or want was handled by Joel, and in return every free moment was spent with him. You didn’t desire to see your friends. They just wanted to party. But you, you were serious about your passions. You were serious about helping people. Joel may have mentioned it once or twice when your grades were getting worse, suggesting instead of studying with them, you study at his place. He’d keep you on track. Quickly, your grades improved, and you began studying with Joel more and more. You eventually just stayed with him.

It was like a dream, you had everything you needed, including Joel who whispered his love to you every chance he had. Joel took care of you in the way your father never did, Joel filled those gaps he left.

Joel took away every in convenience. He told you when your friends weren’t good for you, he cooked for you on late nights, he even began making appointments and getting your car fixed. Your parents were none the wiser, but you began to care less what they thought. Only Joel mattered, and the children. Joel took away every worry for you, and all you had to think about was making him happy, and what to do with your upcoming degree.

“Yes Joel.” You whine, desperate to please him, desperate to remain his everything as he is yours. “Wanna be your wife, wanna have your babies, please?”

“Oh fuck,” He panted, holding on by a thread as his brows pursed together. “Gonna fuck you full, little mama.”

Your orgasm hits you, crashing waves causing you to cry out in a rigid scream. “Joel!!!” Your fingers claw bloody on his back. “Make me a mommy, please?”

“Ohhhhh, fuck yeah baby, good fucking girl, gonna put my baby in you, yes, yes yes, FUCK YES!” Joel growled and unloaded into you, painting your inside in his cum and filling you to the brim before collapsing onto you. Heavy and overbearing, Joel consumed your body and every thought in your head and soon, your body and entire life will make room for him.

Your mind reeled, the reality of what just happened setting in. At 22, you were at peak fertility… were you pregnant?

“Joel?” You ask, still clinging to him desperately.

“I know exactly what you’re worried about, and what do I always tell you?”

You smell his neck, reassuring yourself with his mantra. “Don’t you worry your pretty little mind…” Joel always told you not to worry about a thing. He’d take care of it all, he’d take care of you…

“That’s right, sweetheart. I know you’re worried about what I said…” Joel’s body pulls away just a bit, tucking his forehead to yours. “I’m gonna marry you, baby girl. I’m gonna take care of you and this baby. If you’re pregnant, if you really are my good girl, I’ll marry you.” Sitting back, Joel watches his cock slide out of you with a ‘pop’ and laments the cum seeping out of you. As he pushes it back in, Joel brings you to orgasm yet again.

You were, in fact, pregnant. As your belly swelled, Joel became more and more obsessed with you, constantly caressing your belly. You graduated college of course, as you dreamed, but finding a job… it wasn’t really on your raidar There wasn’t really a need. Joel handled it all, and he said he didn’t want you dealing with that stress right now. And who would hire a heavily pregnant woman?

Joel and you married in an intimate ceremony at the 4th month mark in a small baptist church. It was your parents, a few family members of yours and a friend who two who Joel thought were good influences and Sarah and Tommy were there of course. Joel promised you a big, fancy vowel renewal whenever you wanted, but a wedding like that takes time to plan, and you both wanted to me married when you had your baby.

Joel made you happier than you ever thought possible, he took care of everything. Of course, he controlled everything too, but that was okay. You didn’t need a bank app on your phone, all you needed to know was that your debit card would go through, and you knew it would. You didn’t need the routing and account number, you didn’t need to see finances, look at insurance plans, stocks, bills, anything like that. All you needed to do was take care of your body, and soon, this baby.

“I gotta admit Joel, I wasn’t really a fan of this at the start.” Your dad announces one Sunday dinner. He had invited Tommy and Sarah over as well. Extended family. Both had been hesitant at first, especially Sarah, who was a few years older than you… but they saw how you made her dad smile, and how Joel took care of you… how could they not be happy?

“I remember” Joel jokes back.

Your dad continued. “But I gotta say, this has been good for her.”

They tended to talk about you like you weren’t in the room, sometimes, but that was okay. You were Joel’s pretty, obedient wife, and you spoke when spoken too. You were there to support Joel, not meddle in his conversations.

Joel turned to you and smiled, kissing you on the cheek and feeling your 9 month swollen belly. “She’s come a long way, but she’s a good girl, obedient. Best wife I could ask for.”

Joel spoke for you, proudly telling them how after the baby was born and you’d recovered, you had plans to put your degree to use. Not work, oh gosh no! You don't need to worry about something like that. No, you’d be volunteering at a nonprofit. And isn’t that so much better!

You wouldn’t have to have another worry in your head again, outside of being a good mother. Your could give a few hours a week to children in need and then come home to a living family without being exhausted from long days on your feet.

Everything would be taken care of.

Everything would be handled.

All you had to do was be a good girl.

************

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

I hope you guys enjoyed!!!

I am so stressed rn ive been crying for days about work stuff. I dont want to work I want to volunteer and take care of children in need and have a hot husband fuck me and and and and ANYWAY

PLease consider reblogging, it's the only way to spread fics!

I love you all, thank you to everyone whose been raching out to me

@fandxmslxt69 @moriartyyouwhore @hereforthepedrofanfic @alwaysmicado @noisynightmarepoetry @morallyinept @kyloispunk @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @princesslunablogger

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lialalikesdilf · 1 day

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Me all the time but he's three times my age😋

#shtmblr #self h@rm #lizzy grant #spencer reid smut #ghostface x reader #joel miller smut #billy loomis smut #female rage #miguel o'hara smut #i like older men #daddy issues #my man my man my man #kate moss #feels like sugar in me #daisy girl interrupted

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iammorethananame · 10 months

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Me: *financially independent and uncomfortable accepting monetary help*

Also me: *fiercely anti-captalist and anti-rich people*

Still me: *staring wistfully at @theidiotwhowritesthings's sugar daddy!Joel Miller AU* I want one

#Joel Miller x reader #sugar daddy!joel miller #🎶guess who had car problems again 🎶#i guess tcoy!joel is specifically my anti-car anxiety blorbo #for real though he'd have a whole team of mechanics on call just for his family/friends #no phone tag with the towing company #no hold music everytime you call #regular updates so you're not left wondering all day #drop off service so you don't have to wait for your roommate to get home just so you can drive five minutes away to the shop #anyways it's been a bit of a week and i have my car back but i also have ✨ anxiety✨#and that bitch keeps poking me and asking if my car's rEaLlY fixed or if it's going to refuse to start and leave me stranded at work #missing tcoy!joel hours #time to reread!

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thereaperisabitch · 5 months

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My Joel Miller fics recs from 2023

I’ve planned to do this since before Christmas, but life caught me up, so that's why I'm here rushing to finishing this before the reveillon party. 2023 was a very tough year for me, in different ways, and this stories were my refuge and my balm during good times and bad times, so this was the way I found to honor all these incredible authors who made my life better this year.

To the authors: you guys are the most amazing and sweet people ever, I know that I'm not active as other readers and I don't reblog your works enough - and I'm sorry for that, I wish I could shower you with the praises you guys deserve.

Hope this will make up for all the comments and reblogs that I haven't give.

And to the readers who find this recs: most of these stories are series and most of them has age gap and are Joel Miller x fem/afab!reader. I won't put warnings from each fic because it would be a too long post, so click the link and read the author's warnings in each before you start to read - I'm afraid to get into fandoms because of people who give shit to authors, so please, don't be this kind of person.

Someday I'll make a part 2 of other stories that caught me up this year.

That all being said, thank you @morning-star-joy @hier--soir @frannyzooey @joelsgreys @fuckyeahdindjarin @the-ginger-hedge-witch @eupheme @bageldaddy @covetyou @theidiotwhowritesthings @atinylittlepain @imtryingmybeskar @ezrasbirdie

A stranger's heart without a home (complete)

Summary: A one night stand that later becomes a secret affair – or masterpiece of literature – all the poets and great writers ran so Doni could walk.

This is my favorite fic of all times, forever! I read and re-read it so much that I can’t even count how many times I’ve had read it, it’s my 100% comfort fic. Enemies to lovers is my favorite trope, and the way @morning-star-joy developed here it’s perfection in the most pure way.

It’s Joel on his Jackson era and it’s a perfect character development from both sides, how to people who prefer to deal things on their own learn to rely on someone else.

I also highly recommend But you know the killer doesn't understand, which it’s on-going Joel x fem! Reader also post-Outbreak in Jackson, but it’s different and addicting as ASHWAH.

A Lover’s Pinch (on-going)

Summary: a one night stand (do I have a pattern?) at the bar turns to be so much more when you discover that your fling it’s your professor at university.

The professor x student trope might be cliché for some, and by the very brief summary that I wrote above may sound like Pretty Little Liars, but @hier--soir works with those elements and creates something beyond amazing, it is like contemplate a work of art at a museum, but much better.

I’m very much obsessed with this story, that’s why I reread it with more and more frequency.

Can’t even mention the references in this story – it’s truly enriching, it makes all better, truly.

Plus: the playlist it’s amazing!!!!

Short Days, Long Nights (on-going)

Summary: Remnants of a band travelers, you and Joel find a cabin in the woods - what would be the problem with staying?

I’m crazy about this one, it’s my true love and it had 3 or 4 chapters when I started and now we’re heading to chapter 17, blessed be @frannyzooey for sustaining us with this preciosity for so long.

I'm a sucker for when there's one character (Joel) reluctant for his feelings, and if the story was only about this, I would be perfectly glad too with, too. BUT Kelli it's a genius, an amazing writer, giving me all that I didn't even knew I wanted.

It's fluff, with smut from the highest quality - with some tense moments, wich turns everything more addicting.

A Safe Haven (on-going)

Summary: Joel's quickly drawn to the vet of Jackson - even knowing she's married. Will this affair thrive? Or there's more underneath of the vet's story? (Jesus Christ, I’m so sorry for this lame summary, but I refuse to copy from your masterlist and I’m also rushing to finishing this rec today).

I was bought on the infidelity trope and the drama that comes with it. It would still be a nice story, but @joelsgreys it’s so much fucking talented that she wrote the most beautiful thing ever!

It has tooth roting fluff, drenching panties smut and heartstopping angst! All perfectly written and balanced.

I also love how Ellie it's also a crucial character for the couple's history and I really adore how she's attached to Peach.

Special mention to Fall Into Temptation and Strawberry, that lived rent free in my mind since I've read those.

Seams (on-going)

Summary: Joel pays visit to Jackson's seamstress after a trouble with his too-tight jeans – and it's only heaven from that on, won't say more.

Now I call @fuckyeahdindjarin ✨Queen of the Build Up✨ and that's because the way Cee builds up the sexual tension between characters it's undescribable.

Cee is such an excellent writer, not only in Seams but on other stories too she's gives a rich description of details that makes the reading flow better, it's like knowing you looking at gem stone.

Breakout (complete)

Summary: Boxer!Joel AU when he has to train a fuckboy who happens to date a sweet little thing.

Well I'm a fan from @the-ginger-hedge-witch for a while, she wrote one of the best Javier Peña fics ever (which turned into a book and that's fucking A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!) and other amazing stories, but this one got me hooked so bad.

Clearly I have a pattern because I LOVE when there is an obstacle for the characters to stay together, in this case, a relationship (I already spoiled that her boyfriend sucks, but I don't think it's spoils the story development) and Ren just atests she's a wonderful writer - now book writer, blessed be her 🙏🏻

And the idea of Joel using his fists it's already apealing, am I right?

I also recommend Friendly Fire, that I love just for knowing that in this, Ren envisioned an Aries character for reader - but also the premise of the story is great, too.

In The Woods Somewhere (complete)

Summary: living alone in a cabin at the apocalypse gets less dull when a teenager appears with a handsome injured man.

I've read this since a while, but it marked me. @eupheme created such tenderness between the characters - they know he and Ellie can't stay, which makes the affair even more apealling.

I’ll know It when I see it (on-going)

Summary: Joel as a porn star in its golden era who meets Lucky, a rising star in porn - chemestry goes beyond the cameras.

@bageldaddy deserves all the shout out forever because this here it's golden. They're both are porn stars and I could be hot just for this, but of course there's feelings involved - and the way they struggle to fight against these it's what makes this story even more perfect. Shout out to the one shot Sundown, as well, it’s completely wonderful.

Something wretched about this (complete)

Summary: Joel Miller it's a self appointed pharmacist in the QZ, and fucks you when you don't have how to pay for your father's medicine

Whoring yourself for meds sounds bad? In this story it's hot af! It's filthy, each chapter explores different sexual practices and it's THE. BEST. THING. IN. THE. WORLD!!!

@covetyou it's the most blessed being for writing a perfection like this, seriously. I loved every single chapter of this, loved Joel being an asshole and a slut. I can't tell enough how much joy this story has brought me. And lo it's better than Santa, because she provides christmas gifts for the nice and naughty, with Freeze-thaw (smut with fluff) and Baubles (smut with FILTH) - I can't die before I try the balldo, I didn't even knew this, didn't think that this could be possible - but happily it is, and this one shot it's perfect in every aspect.

Take Care of You (on-going)

Summary: Joel it's a sugar daddy in this AU and appears in your life to make all better 👀 He doesn't charges for the sexual part of the arrangement, but he's irresistible - so what will you do?

The ideia of a sugar daddy it's extremely appealing to me because that's all I wanted, you know? Some rich hot guy telling me I don't need to work and paying everything to me - that's living! Okay jk, but I started reading this when things caught up badly at work, so it was a sweet refuge.

@theidiotwhowritesthings it's the perfect writer! It's the perfect slow burn that makes you thirst for more and more!

Apothecary (complete)

Summary: Summary: Joel falls in love with the "witch" from Jackson and it has its perks and struggles.

I LOVE Practical Magic, it's one of my favorites witch movies so to read something inspired on that it's great -but @atinylittlepain it's such a wonderful, talented, amazing writer - so we were all blessed with this masterpiece.

It has fluff, angst, smut - stupid people being scared about what they don't understand and etc. It's very sweet, Joel also doesn't understands about her, but can't help being drawn. And Ellie it's a natural, their relationship here, how they grow to be a family ... it's utterly sweet. Special mention to Only Lovers Left Alive (another movie that I LOVE), The Heyloft and the masterpiece Down to The Ankles (it's perfection and it's inspired in Bones and All, other film that I truly love).

Come home (on-going)

Summary: when you've lost everything and everyone, you reach to Jackson - and meets a ruggedly handsome who you can't help being drawn to.

I've read this for a while, as well, but I still think about this story often. It's a slow burn - which I love (in case you haven't noticed from the stories listed above) - and it's so sweet, the blossom of a friendship that turns to more, their relationship with Ellie ... It's been a while since it was uptaded and I hope @imtryingmybeskar it's okay, because this story it's lovely and I really wish to see and ending for them.

Catalyst

I'm gonna just summarize that it's a threesome with Joel and Frankie Morales from Triple Frontier, that's it - if that ain't reason enough for you to read, idk man.

I didn't even knew that I wanted it, that I needed it - until I read it. I find threesomes hot af, but I don't tend to enjoy when it's with characters that I love too deeply - don't ask me why - but in THIS ONE, GOD FUCKING DAAAAAMN!

It has filth, of course, but there's also fluff - which I find inevitable when it's about Frankie. In the chapter Here, especially, @ezrasbirdie builds perfectly of the struggles that I imagine for a threeway relationship, reading it was sad, hot and lovely.

Hope all the links work, 'cause I don't have time to check now 🙃

Sorry if my comments felt weird, if I forgot to mention something, as I've said above, I intend to make a part 2 of recs someday soon (hopefully).

I wish everyone a happy new year 🎆🥂🎇

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inej-ruination-ghafa · 1 year

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SUGAR - T.M

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Warnings: children, pregnancy, mentions of murder, guns, mention of character death

Pairing: tommy miller x fem!reader

Summary: the man who you never thought you'd see again turned up with some random child to your home with your husband and child

Wordcount: 6.5k

The cold weather was getting harsher and harsher every day and although you loved the town of Jackson, you missed the Texas winters from before the outbreak.

You looked around the town. Sometimes you didn't appreciate everything that you had but as you looked around, you realised how lucky you were to have him and to have this safe haven.

The world was full of criminals and thieves and murderers, titles that you had once held the mantle of, but now you just wanted to settle down in your little slice of paradise.

You and Tommy had been best friends since you were 18 and he was 22, the two of you having met through mutual friends but not really becoming friends until you were 19 and 23.

When the world as you knew it ended, you found comfort in one another and eventually in the fireflies. When that didn’t work out, you ended up here in Jackson where you could finally

You looked up, watching as he worked on the construction of a new building. He looked down at you, his face lighting up at the sight of you, waving in your direction. He flashed you that infamous smile, the one that made you smile even on the darkest days and you fell in love with him all over again.

You waved back at him before walking towards the gate when all of a sudden, you saw a huge crowd of patrolmen riding into town. Everyone watched and they stopped as they saw you standing in the middle of the street.

Maria stepped off the horse, looking at the

“Give me the gun,” one of the men, Richard, said, holding his hand out as he looked at the girl, his gun steady in his hand.

Her eyes flicked between the his gun and her gun and she scoffed, “Fuck no, why do you get one?” She asked, holding it tight.

Joel reprimanded the girl, you assumed that he had already given his weapons over, and she turned to him with a scowl, repeating her statement in anger.

Richard raised his weapon, repeating his statement with the same aggression and you stepped in between them, the barrel of his pistol too close to your forehead, “Why don’t we put the weapon down Richard, Tommy won’t like it if you blow a bullet through my skull,” you said, knowing the leverage you had.

Joel’s heart sped up at the sound of his brother's name, he was here and he was alive and that’s all that mattered. He felt guilty for the way that he had treated his brother, and you, back in the QZ and now it was time for him to repent.

You turned your back to Richard as he lowered his gun, holding your hand out and stating your name, “I’m sorry about him, now can you give me the gun. I promise one day you’ll get it back,” you said.

She nodded, not many people stood up for her like you had just down, ready to take the short end of a bullet for her. She handed her gun over and you thanked her, placing it in the empty holster on your side.

When you looked at Joel, you saw his elated smile, “Where’s Tommy?” He asked and you smiled at him, looking over at where your husband was working. Joel's eyes followed your gaze and when he noticed Tommy, you saw the visible joy on his face,

"Tommy!" Joel called out and the man turned around abruptly at the sound. He hadn’t heard that voice in years but as he turned and looked at his brother, you watched as his face lit up.

The two quarrelled constantly back when you three lived in the QZ and that was one of the reasons why you two left but as you watched Tommy scrambling to get off of the scaffolding, you saw that all of the anger dissipated as he rushed to his big brother.

He ran over to him, pulling him in for a hug. You knew how Tommy felt about Joel, how he wished things had been different with his brother but now he was here and you saw all of his anger go out of the window. Family meant everything to Tommy and finally, after years, his family was intact again.

He pulled away, that wide charming grin that you loved so much present on his face as he chuckled to himself, "The fuck you doing here?” He asked, hands on his brother's shoulders.

"I came here to save you," Joel said with that matching Miller smile that reached his eyes, crows feet turned up.

You missed them being this happy together, like it was before the outbreak. You missed the infamous Miller barbecues where Joel and Tommy would bicker and laugh and just have fun together. And you missed Sarah too.

Joel had this wide smile on his face as he turned around, one hand still on his brother's shoulder as he looked at Ellie on the horse.

"This is my brother Tommy and his best friend for the last 30 years?" He said, stating your name to Ellie, the biggest smile on his face.

The last time you had seen Joel, he had stormed into the apartment that you and Tommy shared in the QZ, arguing with his brother over your decisions to go with the fireflies to a different QZ. You had made a mistake that day by leaving but it had allowed you and Tommy to come here so it was all worth it in the end.

"We already met," you said, a smile on your face as you helped Ellie down from her horse.

The girl wiped her hands on her trousers before looking up at you, eyes narrowed at you, "Thanks for saving my ass" she said.

"He was never going to shoot you, I would have had his ass for it,” you said, looking back at Maria who was getting off of her horse.

“You should come into the tavern, we will get you a meal,” Maria said, leading the group inside and Joel marvelled at the look of it.

It was strange that after twenty years living in a QZ, he was in a bar that looked just like one from back home. You could see the awe on both of their faces as they sat down at a table, Tommy and yourself sitting opposite them.

Once they got the food out, they both started eating rapidly, glad that they had some food. Joel looked up between bites at the two of you and Maria who sat at the head of the table.

"There's more if you need it," Maria said. She was basically the leader of the patrols even though there wasn’t a status quo and Joel had noticed.

He looked up at her, spoon still in hand, "Thank you ma'am, it's been a while since we've had a proper meal,"

"Actually I don't think I've ever had a proper meal, this is fucking amazing," Ellie said, her mouth slightly full of food, a smile on her face.

"Sorry, Ellie, let's mind our manners," he said, turning to the girl. It reminded you of when he would scold Sarah and it sent a pain through your chest as you thought about her.

"I want my gun back," Ellie stated, narrowing her eyes at the three of you. She was a mistrusting child and although you respected that, she had to learn that you weren’t bad people.

Maria looked at you and Tommy before turning her attention back to the girl, "I think maybe y'all got off on the wrong foot," Tommy stated.

"Maria was going to have her guys kill us, that douche bag had a gun pointed at me, she managed to save me" Ellie said, once again believing that you had somehow saved her.

"They were always going to let you in if you weren’t infected, and Richard never would’ve shot you or me," you reassured and Maria nodded.

“Richard was going to shoot you?” Tommy asked, brows furrowed in worry as he thought about it.

You chuckled, hand patting his shoulder lightly, “It was nothing, I’ll explain it later,” you said, not wanting to bother poor Richard getting beaten up by your husband.

"We've got to be real careful who we let in this place, we're just trying to scare off those who want to hurt us," Maria explained, looking at Joel. She had heard stories about the man and she didn't trust him already and it showed.

Ellie's eyes went wide as she spotted the ring on your finger, "That's one big diamond," Ellie said, reaching forward to get a closer look at it and you extended your hand, a blush on your face as you allowed her to look at it.

"Thanks, my husband always had a knack for finding things, this just so happened to be his best find," you said, a smile on your face as you felt Tommys hand rubbing against your knee reassuringly.

"Who are you married to? I'd love to meet him," Joel said with a smile and yours vanished as you narrowed your eyes at him, unsure of how he had never noticed it before.

You and your husband shared a look before you turned back to him, "Joel, we're married, me and Tommy," You stated and he just looked at you, almost like he had frozen in place.

"Oh shit, congrats," Ellie said, her eyes also going wide as she looked at you two, Tommys hand reaching for yours and squeezing it, "Say congrats,"

"Congrats," Joel said absentmindedly and you could tell that he was happy for you but there was something holding him back. You didn't know whether it was the shock or if something had happened that they didn't know about but he seemed distant after that.

"I know it's weird seeing us like that but we've been together for over a decade now Joel, have you never noticed?" Tommy said, his brows furrowed as he looked at his brother.

It was true, you had first realised you loved him around 8 or 9 years after it all started and after that, you kept your relationship under wraps. Not because either of you were ashamed of it but because in the fireflies, you decided that it would be too dangerous in case something happened to advertise it so freely.

"You never mentioned it," Joel said, his grip on the glass tightening as he looked at the two of you. What you didn't know was that the person that mattered to him most, Tess, had died only a few months ago and he never got to tell her how he felt.

There was a guilt weighing heavily on his chest as he thought about Tess, the look on her face when she admitted to being bitten burned into his memory. There were so many things that he wished that he could have said to her but it was too late. That explained the bitter taste in his mouth as he looked at the two of you, happy.

Joel turned to Maria as he listened to her talk to Ellie about not having guns in the area, "Ma'am, we're grateful for your hospitality but do you mind if we have some time just for family," he asked.

"It's okay, how about a tour instead and then Maria can be on her way, yeah," You said, standing up and looking at the group.

You stood up, feeling Tommys hand slip into yours as you walked out of the door together. Joel looked at the two of you, confused as to how he never noticed the way the two of you acted together.

There was this heavy weight in his chest at the sight of you being happy. It wasn’t because he was jealous, it was because it pained him to see how much had changed since the outbreak, it pained him that Sarah wasn’t here to see her uncle and the closest thing she ever had to a mother end up together

As they walked back into the cold, Maria led them around, gesturing to the town around them that flourished with all the people around. It was a real community,

"Me and a few friends settled here a few years ago, just a handful of us. We built the rest of the wall out from there. It stops most raiding parties but we still find pockets of them," she explained.

Joel looked at her, brows furrowed, "No infection?" He questioned.

"Usually smaller colonies that have wandered off from the cities, all this open country makes it like Turkey shooting," Tommy said with a smirk before imitating shooting a turkey.

You hit him on the shoulder, scolding his joke and he just smiled at you. You purse your lips together in an attempt to hold back a smile but like usual, he managed to pass your defences and make you smile too.

"How do you keep this place quiet?" Joel questioned, noticing how there really were no infected.

"Being in the middle of nowhere helps, we don't advertise what we have, we stay off the radio," Maria explained.

That comment made Joel tense up. He had been worried sick about the two of you, you were really the only family he had left, and all this time he could have reached you but this woman had been stopping him. It made him mad.

He was pulled out of his train of thought by you listing the places in town, "House of worship, multi faith, school, that's where I work," you said.

Joel smiled at you, "Your degree is coming in handy," he said, remembering the days that you would come to his and Tommy's house, arms stacked with work.

"Was hoping it would one day," you said, chuckling at the end before continuing to list the places in town, "That's laundry, old bank is the jail but we don't really need it,"

"We drew electricity from the dam, we got sewers, heaters, and light," Tommy explained, proud of everything they'd achieved here.

Joel scoffed in disbelief, "This place actually fucking works," he said, shocked that this was a real functioning town.

They walked towards the outskirts of town, away from the bustling life and towards the farms and the stables.

Ellie broke the silence in the group by turning to Maria "So, you're like in charge?" She questioned.

The woman looked back at her, shaking her head, "No one person is in charge, I'm on the council and so is Mrs Miller here," she said, looking over at you.

You smiled to yourself. You may have been married for just over three years but to hear someone call you Mrs Miller was still a bit of a shock to the system. You could also tell that it shocked Joel just by the way he flinched slightly at the words.

"It's democratically elected and there's about three hundred people here including children. Everyone pitches in and we rotate work except for specialist roles like teaching or doctors," you explained.

Tommy nodded, his hand still in yours as he used the other hand to gesture to the scenery, "Everything you see, everyone pitches in and it's all shared," he explained, nodding his head.

Joel's nose scrunched up as he turned to look at his brother, "So uh, communism?" He questioned.

Tommy made a sound in disbelief, something half between choking and a scoff, "It's not like that," he said, a smile on his face as he chuckled at the absurdity of it.

"It is like that, literally. This is a commune, it's communism," Maria said, looking back at him.

He froze in his spot for a second, his entire life flashing before his eyes as his entire belief system was flipped on its head. He looked like he was going through a hundred emotions in a minute as he comprehended the statement.

You laughed to yourself, hitting your husband's arm jokingly, "Imagine if 29 year old you could see yourself now Mr Desert Storm," you teased.

You started to walk away and he shook his head, trying not to think about the way he lived and started to follow you, arm wrapping around your waist as you stopped at the stables.

Maria showed Ellie the horses and you watched as she grinned at them, petting the horse like she'd never seen one before.

"I've got to go do some work but could you get them settled in?" Maria asked, normally it was her job to do that but it had been really busy recently and you understood.

"Yeah, of course," you said with a smile, "And could you bring Lizzy back, she's over at Linda's,"

"Of course," she said, placing a hand on your shoulder before turning to Joel and Ellie who were still standing by the horses, "I'm glad you guys are here"

Maria walked away and Joel watched her, eyes narrowed. You could tell that he still didn't trust her completely and though it was understandable, Maria was a good person and he needed to learn to trust her.

"So you can all get set up in the house across the street from ours, two bedrooms, it's nice," Tommy said, and Joel nodded.

You looked at him, "I can take Ellie over there if you two want to catch up," you said.

Joel looked at Ellie, the girl's eyes wide almost like she was scared to be separated from him.

"Yeah, okay, you'll be fine," Joel said, nodding his head. After years apart, he was glad to be able to spend some time with his brother.

You chuckled, "Come on kid, I'm not that bad," you said and she smiled at the joke, nodding her head.

You quickly walked over to Tommy, pressing a kiss to his cheek before walking towards Ellie again, the two of you walking away in conversation.

Tommy smiled to himself and Joel watched as his brother pressed a hand to the spot where she had kissed him, almost like a little child who'd been kissed for the first time.

It was the first moment where Joel really saw the love between the two and he smiled to himself, patting his brother on the back as they walked towards the bar.

It was empty when they got there, like it normally was at midday, and Joel sat down at the bar, still marvelling at the fact that it was all real.

Tommy stood behind the bar, pouring a glass of whiskey for his brother, watching as Joel's eyes went wide at the taste of fresh and real alcohol.

'It doesn't seem like you or sugar aged much," Joel stated and Tommy smiled at the nickname. The gang of smugglers you were running with back in the early years of the outbreak had labelled you with it after a series of events that lead to you being branded the nicest person in the gang.

"You on the other hand," Tommy joked as he walked around the bar to get to his brother, sitting down on the stool and taking a sip from his drink.

"How long have you two been a thing?" Joel questioned. He had always assumed that the two of you had feelings for each other but it was never confirmed to him.

He had always seen the way that you’d sleep in the same bed, holding each other after nightmares, going partying in your early twenties before the world collapsed, laughing even when the world was crumbling around you.

"Since 2010 probably, that's when I realised I loved her you know. Then obviously we were in the fireflies so we hid that from them and we've been married since we got here so about four years," he explained, a smile on his face as he reminisced.

He couldn’t imagine a life without you. When the world got too dark, you were the light that brought him back. You were the one who made him smile when the world seemed to be dull and boring, killing all the joy. You were the one who saved him from himself when he got too far into that hole of darkness.

"I'm glad you're happy," Joel said, a half hearted smile on his face. He meant it but there was something in his heart that burned at the idea of Tommy being happy in a world where he wasn't.

"Thanks for still giving a shit about me," Tommy said, raising his glass and the two men cheered to the alcohol.

Tommy watched as his older brother walked around the empty pub as it had not opened yet, he looked around at the decoration, being taken back to the time before the outbreak where this was normal, "How's Tess?” He asked. He knew you would want to see her again because you were both so close before the fireflies and he knew you regretted what you had said to her before you left.

Joel turned around, a vacant look in his eyes but a smile on his face, "She's fine, alright," he said, not mentioning the fact that she was dead because it was too hard. Joel Miller had always avoided the hard conversations.

"Good, you’ll have to bring her here, I know Sugar would like it. Who's the kid?” He asked and Joel shook his head, walking back over.

He shrugged his shoulders, feeling the weight being taken away for just a second, "Some fireflies daughter and she's trying to find her family. I was heading in this direction," he said and Tommy smiled, not noticing how he ignored the mention of bringing Tess here.

For the first time in years, he saw the good man that was his brother before the outbreak, the one that wanted to help, "Good to see your heart," he said, hoping his brother could stay. If he was able to stay then they could be a family again and his children could have an uncle and maybe it would bring some joy back to Joel's life.

"You know where they might be?” Joel asked, taking another sip from his drink as he sat back down.

"There's a base at the University of Eastern colorado but it's a bit fucked up in the weeks ride there," he explained, he knew how dangerous that trek can be with the raiders and the infected, "It's not an easy trip,"

"I made it across the country, the two of us can make it from here to Colorado," Joel said, a smile on his face. He wanted to spend more time with his brother and this was a perfect opportunity to have him back.

"I can't go," Tommy said, staring at the glass, his finger tracing the rim of it. He had too many things waiting for him here and he couldn’t risk his life, he couldn’t let his daughter grow up fatherless.

Joel scoffed, angry that his brother wasn't going to come, "Why, cause Maria won't let you? Is she the one who kept you off the radio, is that why you stopped messaging me back?' He questioned and Tommy could feel his disdain for the woman.

"After me and Sugar left the fireflies, she was in bad shape. I didn't think she'd make it and Maria saved us, that's when I realised that I wanted a normal life with her," he explained as he thought back to it.

You had been shot in a bad fight and he had stumbled across the group of men patrolling and Maria had offered to bring you two back in and help you out after they had determined that you were not infected. Her best doctors had saved your life and Tommy would be forever indebted to them for that.

"They didn't have to take us in and all we had to do was follow the rules," he said as he looked at his brother who stood up, an angry tone to his voice.

"I'm your brother," he exclaimed, looking at him,

"I'm aware, they're very protective of this place and for a good reason," Tommy said, standing up as well to look at his brother.

"I know, the wrong people may show up. Is that what I am? The wrong people?" He questioned, clearly feeling threatened. He knew what his brother did when he felt backed into a corner.

Joel scoffed, "The things you judge me for, I did those things to keep you alive, to keep your wife alive," he said, spitting out the second to last word almost like he was judging him for what he had to do.

"We did those things, they weren't just things. We murdered people and I don't judge you for it. We survived the only way we knew how but there were other ways,” Tommy explained. That was exactly why he had joined the fireflies, because that was another way and when they didn’t work out he came here and he was never planning on leaving.

"If you knew the shit I've been through the last few months-" Joel said and Tommy cut him off,

"I'm a father now," he stated, looking over at the man. He knew how that was going to affect his brother because he knew how much he suffered when Sarah died.

He had wanted to tell him from the start, tell him about his little girl and how amazing she was, how she reminded him of Sarah when she was a baby but he didn’t want to trigger Joel, he was witness to his anger when it all happened. "We've got a little girl, she's two and the missus is a few months along now, we think it's gonna be another girl but she wants to keep trying till its a boy,"

Joel had never seen his brother smile that wide, like there was nothing else in the world that he could ever want. Tommy was genuinely happy. You had given him everything that he didn’t think he deserved, a home, a family, somewhere that he didn’t have to be scared of.

"I gotta be more careful," he said, his voice breaking slightly as he thought about it. He had to stay because he couldn’t bare seeing his little girl like Sarah, bleeding in his arms, "I'm still scared of being a bad father but I feel like I'm doing well so far,"

Joel poured himself another drink as all of the thoughts ran through his head. He felt like he had failed as a father. His daughter should be 32 this year but she wasn’t because he had failed and it scared him that now his younger brother was in his position and he was making the choice he should have made, he should have protected his family better.

"Guess we'll see," Joel said, taking out his anger and frustration in the only way he knew, at his brother.

"Guess we'll see? That's all you got?" Tommy said with a scoff, angry that his brother wasn’t proud of him and that he didn’t care, "I want you to meet your niece, stay around to see the other kid and any more we might have,"

Tommy wanted to be upset that his brother was letting him down again but he had been letting him down since they entered the QZ and it wasn’t going to change now.

"Just because life stopped for you doesn't mean it has to stop for me," Tommy spat out, getting closer to his brother.

"I'll grab some supplies and be out of your hair by the morning," Joel said before storming out of the bar, leaving Tommy there.

The man reached up to a chain on his neck that had a locket, a picture of you and him and your little girl in there, the only picture he had. It was all he needed to remind himself of what he had built here with you, what he was risking even considering going with Joel.

You took your jacket off, watching as Ellie went upstairs to get changed into some of the clothes that you had gotten ready for her as well as some things that you thought would be useful.

As you walked to the kitchen, grabbing two glasses and waiting for Ellie, you looked down at your stomach.

You were five months along now. You had never imagined yourself as a mother when you had met Tommy and you never imagined it when the outbreak started. Now you had this white picket fence life that seemed like something plucked out of a daydream - as long as that fantasy included infected and constant raiders.

Ellie was upstairs, looking at the spare room. You had given her some new clothes and a warm jacket for her to wear and she was grateful thaat you were giving this all to her.

As she looked at the house, she wondered if this was what people lived like back before the outbreak, if this is what her life would’ve looked like if she would have had a family before it all.

Once she was changed, she walked downstairs, looking at the living room. Ellie had never seen a real house before and this one felt like a home, with art on the walls and a comfy looking sofa and kids toys thrown on the sofa - she wasnt quite sure what that was about yet though.

That’s when she noticed the placard on the top of the mantelpiece. It was a sign that had two names of people on it, Sarah and Eliza, the two having died months apart at the start of the outbreak.

She watched as you walked around the kitchen, cleaning up small things on the side as you waited and that’s when she noticed the baby bump that hadn’t been evident before under your jacket.

"You're pregnant," she stated. Now that the girl was thinking about it, she had never seen a pregnant woman before.

"5 months," you confirmed, watching as she came in and sat down at the table, “Me and Tommy have another kid, a little girl, she’s two,”

She nodded her head, “That’s why there’s kids toys in the other room,” she stated ad you nodded, chuckling slightly.

“Yeah, I havent had time to tidy that up yet,” you said, looking at the other room and then at the girl at the table, "Did you get what I gave you?"

Her nose scrunched up as she remembered the menstrual cup that you had left her - Maria had been the one to find the extraordinary invention, "Weirdest gift ever," she stated.

You chuckled at her reaction, "You'll thank me for it one day," you promised, asking if she wanted a drink and then proceeding to pour her a glass of water, handing it to her, "Maria can cut your hair later if you like, she's really good at it,"

"Did she used to be a hairdresser?" Ellie questioned, having assume that she was just working on the patrols.

"No, she used to be a lawyer basically," you stated, sitting down next to her.

She looked at you, watching as you took a sip from your water, "What did you used to do?" She asked and you noticed that the girl was very inquisitive.

"I had just graduated university to be a teacher, I was 25 and then it all went to shit," you explained, remembering it all.

There was a part of you that missed the world before, the partying with Tommy at night and the laughing as you ran through the park, drunk off of your asses, and the laughs at the library even as the librarian scolded you. Now that you thought about it, you two were always destined to end up together.

As silence fell between you two, you looked into the other room, eyes falling on the memorial placard that you had seen Ellie looking at and brought it up, "You were looking at the memorial,"

She nodded, face softening as she remembered seeing it. The kids had been 12 and 22 when they had died, "I'm sorry about the kids," she said.

Your face scrunched up as you thought about it, hoping she didnt think you were old enough to have had a 22 year old in 2003, "They're not mine, Eliza was my little sister. Sarah was Joel's daughter," you stated, “I’m only 45,”

You thought that the shocked look on her face was from your age and before you could be too offended, you realised that she probably didnt know about Sarah and everything that had happened in Joels past.

"You didn't know, shit," you swore as you looked at her. You didnt mean to overstep, you knew how private he was and how he never wanted to discuss Sarah, hell, he didnt want to ever discuss life before the outbreak because it was that difficult and whilst you understand, you also believed he needed to talk about it.

She shook her head, "No, it's okay. I guess that explains him a little," she said, a half smile on her face that was almost apologetic.

"He's a good man even though we did bad stuff together," you said, recalling the smuggling missions that you went on with Joel.

Before the outbreak, he had been one of the kindest men that you had ever met, rough around the edges but soft when he got to know you. After Sarah died, you realised that she was the only thing that stopped him from losing faith in humanity and without her, lost a part of himself.

Ellie looked at you confused, "You were in the gang that killed people?" She questioned, having heard all about Joels escapades.

You nodded, you had done bad things to make your way through the apocalypse, "Yeah, Tommy saved me that night, brought me with him and Joel and Sarah," you explained, “I had to do what i had to do to survive, and that meant hurting people,”

It was difficult to think about that time but since then, you’d grown and tried to find a way to make the world better and when that failed, you ended up here where you managed to make your world better, your world with Tommy.

Tommy had told you that Joel had asked him to take the girl to the fireflies, that he wasn't able to do it yourself and as much as he protested, he agreed. You knew that it was the right thing for him to do, that it was in his nature to help someone and you knew that Ellie would be in good hands with him.

He had said his goodbyes that night, holding you until the sun came up and he had said goodbye to his daughter in the morning, trying not to cry as he walked out of that door. You had sat there for a few minutes, trying to hold back the worry but you knew that you had to go and see your husband one more time.

So as you rushed to the stables, hoping to see him one more time before he left, you saw Joel and Ellie also standing there, “What are you doing here, sugar?” Your husband questioned, looking at you.

You looked between the group who were looking at you and your daughter as she rested on your hip, “I wanted to say goodbye, again,” you said, feeling a little stupid now that you said it out loud.

“Joels going to take her now,” Tommy stated and you nodded, the weight falling from your shoulders as you knew he would be staying with you again.

When you looked over at Joel, he was staring at your daughter with those wide eyes that you had only seen a handful of times. He seemed in shock as he looked at Lizzy, at the way that she looked just like Tommy, the deep brown eyes, the quirk to her little smile.

“She’s ours Joel,” Tommy stated and he nodded, pursing his lips as if he was trying to hold his tears in

You looked down at the girl who was hiding in your shoulder, not looking at the other man, “Baby, this is your uncle Joel. Joel, this is your niece, Elizabeth Sarah Miller,” you explained.

His eyes went wide, you’d both named her after Sarah, “Elizabeth?” He questioned. That was Sarah's middle name as well as your younger sisters full name and he tried to keep in the tears as he thought about it. And the fact that she had been named after Sarah made the tears well up in his eyes.

“Do you want to hold her?” Tommy asked and the man nodded, allowing his brother to hand him the little girl.

Joel held her in his arms, a smile on his face as she babbled to herself, hand coming up to his hair and tugging on it slightly. Tommy apologised, stating that she was on the stage and Joel didn’t care, gently removing the girl's hands and smiling at her.

“She’s named after those we lost,” you said, listening to the girl talk to Joel in broken sentences. He nodded, looking over at you.

Ellie watched the interaction; she’d never seen Joel’s smile be that wide before. That's when the little girl reached her arms out for Ellie, “You can hold her if you want,” you said and her eyes went wide.

She questioned you and you nodded, watching as Joel passed her over, “She’s adorable,” Ellie said, starting an easy little conversation with the girl.

You turned to Joel. Last night, Tommy had told you that Tess wasnt actually waiting back at the QZ, she had died. She had been a good friend to you back in the day and it hurt to imagine the infected finally taking hold of her, but at least she died fighting.

“I heard about Tess, was it fast?” You asked and he nodded.

“Fast enough, she didn't turn so,” he stated. It was the first time he had really discussed her death and maybe that was a step for him.

He was ready to let go of the past and to have this new family, a new start to his life that he didnt have before and that Ellie gave him.

“I’m glad,” you said, placing a hand on his shoulder, “Joel, if you want to come back here, the house is available for you,”

He smiled, “We might have to take you up on that offer,” he said and you nodded, looking over at Ellie who you assumed was the other half of the ‘we’.

You were glad that he finally had another start at having a family and as you and Tommy watched Ellie and Joel ride off into the distance, your husband wrapped a hand around your waist, the two of you knowing that he was going to be okay.

A/N, so as of releasing this, it is not a series yet but i definitely have so many ideas for Tommy and Sugar so if anyone is interested, I was going to write some prequel chapters like outbreak day or them leaving the fireflies. Also, this isn't my greatest work but I wanted to finally finish it and publish it because I love the idea so much <3

#tommy miller x reader #tommy miller x you #tommy miller angst #tommy miller x female reader #tommy miller x y/n #tommy miller #tommy miller fanfic #tommy miller fanfiction #tommy miller fic #tommy miller series #sugar; tommy miller #the last of us season 1 #the last of us fanfiction #joel miller x platonic!reader #tommy miller x wife!reader #tw children #tw pregnancy

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nerdieforpedro · 4 months

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Drops of Sugar

Featuring Joel Miller x Layla (plus size OFC)

Vignettes of their lives together - can be read in any order. See below for different indicators of content:

I’m your fool Sugar (part 1 of 2) 🤗 😘

Let me at them Nylons (part 2 of 2) 🥵 🤗☺️

Wash Day 🤗

His First Drop of Sugar ☺️

Domestic fluff = 🤗

Sweet = ☺️

Light smut = 😘

Smut = 🥵

Angst = 😦

Main Masterlist / Joel Miller Masterlist

#Nerdie’s fics #Drops of Sugar #pedro pascal characters #fanfiction #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fluff #joel miller smut #Joel Miller x plus size ofc

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theywhowriteandknowthings · 11 months

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Rich!SoftDom!Joel x F!AFAB!sub! Reader Pt 2 - Celebrating You

Warnings: General Warnings: 18+, as is the whole of my blog, I will mark anything specific but be aware this is predominantly a smutty blog with plot. DNI if you are a minor. By reading further you have taken the responsibility to do so with the warnings I have given.

Specific Warnings: Mentions of former Sex Work, Drinking, Alcohol, soft!dom Joel, soft Sub/Dom dynamics, Power imbalance (if you really squint), implied age gap but it’s not really important - reader could be any(obviously legal) age, No descriptions of Reader, No Use of Y/N, Reader is former SWorker and an app developer, Spanking, sub/dom punishment (it’s modest), PiV sex (protected), oral sex F!Receiving, public sex/voyeurism (modest), Jealous Joel.

Let me know if I missed anything!

7k+ Words 😅

Part one here: AO3 here:

Summary: You’re up for an award for work, you hate these kinds of things but you had to do it. What you find waiting for you makes it worth your while.

You look at yourself in the floor-to-ceiling mirror next to the large king-size bed of the hotel room. You smooth down the backless, emerald green, halter-neck dress with the scandalous neckline that showed off the valley between your breasts. Your gold closed toed heels were higher than you’d usually wear, but Jenna had picked the outfit for you, so you had no choice but to accept your fate. You pick up your gold clutch purse and take a few calming breaths before checking you had the essentials.

Purse, phone, room keycard, lipstick.

You note the contents of your purse before picking up your black double-breasted coat, draping it over your arm striding out of the door as confidently as possible. You wobble slightly in the heels but recover quickly as you shut the door behind you.

You ride the elevator down to the ballroom and feel the nerves building in your chest, anxiety sitting on your diaphragm like a lead weight. But you tilt you head up high as you stride out onto the marble floor of the foyer. You feel heat rise to your cheeks as you notice the stares and quiet whispers from people around you as you head towards the open doors of the ballroom. A banner over the door reads Innovating the Innovative: Celebrating socially conscious app development.

Your name is called as soon as you cross the threshold and your new boss, Eileen, waves you over to her table close to the stage, the tables were filling up rapidly and you feel the lurch of dread at all the people, you swallow harshly, you were going to be up there, on stage, with so many eyes on you. Eileen pulls you into a tight hug as you reach the table.

“Nervous?” She asks as you sit down together. She’s in a sleek black bodycon with a slit in the thigh to show off her smooth alabaster legs. Her long blonde hair is styled up and you can’t help but check her out. Most of your interactions had been by video call since you started at the new job so it’s nice to really get a feel for the kind of person she is.

“Are you kidding? Of course I am.” You say with a laugh as you scan around the mostly empty table. You note the two place cards to your right, Ellie Miller, Joel Miller. You don’t recognise the names immediately but they had to be important if they were sat with you and the boss.

Joel.

You say the name in your head, fond memories of a hotel not too dissimilar to this fill your mind. A pang of longing tugs at your chest at the lost opportunity. You had forgotten to give him your number, and by the time Jenna reached out again you were too busy to find time.

“You’ll do fine, you got a speech prepared?” She asks, snapping you out of your daydream, as she heralds a waiter over to you to take drinks orders.

“Of course, it’s all up here,” You tap your temple and Eileen rolls her eyes at you, “Who’ve we got joining us tonight?” You ask, pointing to the four unoccupied seats around the table.

“Oh it’s just the Chairman of the board, his brother, and his two daughters.” Eileen says noncommittally and your eyes go wide in panic. She picks up on it immediately and places a warm hand on your knee.

“Don’t worry they never turn up to these things, too busy for these kinds of dog-and-pony shows.” She says with a smile and you feel the tension ease. You order a bottle of champagne for the table as the final seats begin to fill.

“I’m just going to step out for some air, I’ll be back before appetisers are served.” You say before scurrying off through the hotel and onto the streets of LA. You walk a few steps away from the entrance before sitting down on an empty bench.

You sit for a while, watching people pass you by, some giving you wide-eyed stares that both make you feel great and even more nervous all at the same time. You look at your phone for the time and reluctantly head back inside, your mind abuzz as you somehow manage not to trip up the steps to the foyer.

Fucking heels, way too tall.

You approach the table to see three of the empty seats now filled, a handsome man in his forties with a pristine, white, open collared shirt rolled up to the elbows. His long hair is tied back in a loose ponytail. Two women sit next to him, the closest to him has dark hair styled in tight braids, gold beads placed at careful intervals to accentuate her gold sequinned dress. The other woman is maybe five years her junior, her hair is loose around her shoulders. She’s wearing a fuchsia pink suit and black shirt, you see bright white Doc Martens peaking out from under the tablecloth.

You take your seat gingerly, smiling around the table as three pairs of eyes lock onto you.

“Hi I’m,” You give your name and the man speaks first.

“I’m Tommy, nice to meet you honey.” Tommy says with a nod. His Texan accent is silky smooth and you feel the heat flash across your cheeks at the pet name.

“I’m Sarah, and this is my little sister Ellie.” She says with a teasing smile and Ellie huffs, cheeks going bright red.

“I’m not a kid anymore Sarah.” She grumbles but the smile on her lips betrays the laughter at some kind of in-joke you aren’t privy to.

“Nice to meet you all.” You say softly, taking a sip of your champagne as your mouth suddenly feels very dry.

“Sorry I’m late girls, got caught up with a client, glad Uncle Tommy could get you here in one piece, and on time.” You freeze, your stomach fluttering as you realise you know that voice. You don’t turn as he sits down, praying you’re wrong, that it’s another gravelly-voiced Texan named Joel and not your Joel, it can’t be.

It is.

Your Joel sits in the seat next to you, flicking the place card playfully at his youngest daughter who catches it with ease. He still hasn’t noticed you, his full attention on his girls. His hair is slicked back, thick rimmed glasses rest on the bridge of his strong nose. His black suit fits him perfectly, the high collared shirt and no tie suited him down to the ground. His facial hair is trimmed, still patchy, still splintered with silver. Still as handsome as you remember. You rub your knees together in frustration as you feel arousal sting at the base of your spine. You look away, draining the last of your champagne before focusing on pouring another glass.

“Took my seat.” He says with an exaggerated sigh as he turns to look at you. You see his warm brown eyes go wide out of the corner of your eye and you know you can’t keep avoiding looking at him forever. You slowly turn with a fake smile plastered on your face as you try not to react to the look on his face. He’s just as surprised to see you as you are him.

It’s been over a year since he fucked you senseless in a hotel room for an obscene amount of money. A whole year since you had anywhere near as much fun with a guy, in bed or out. But you’d gotten this job soon after, and as appealing as he was, you’d turned down his many attempts to spend another night with him. Much to Jenna’s disappointment.

It was a one time thing, I needed the money, it was a one time thing.

But you’d be lying to yourself if you didn’t think about that night often, the mind-blowing sex, the post-sex cuddling, the ease at which you had just enjoyed each other’s company in that lavish hotel room. It was a perfect fantasy, and that’s all it could ever be, all it would ever be.

“Hey.” Is all he says as his eyes wander over your body, as if trying to believe that you’re really here.

“Hey I’m,” You give your name as you hold your hand out to shake.

“Joel, Joel Miller.” He says as his hand grasps yours. The familiar rough, well worked skin is delightful on your palm. His large hand engulfs yours and you have to suppress a whine as he grips you tightly.

“Pleasure to meet you.” You eek out and you see his moustache twitch at the waver in your voice.

“The pleasure’s all mine.” He says with a wicked grin, which only sends heat driving to your core. At that moment waiters arrive to serve starters and you’re thankful for the distraction, but you suddenly don’t have an appetite. You listen to Eileen fawn over Joel, doing the corporate networking dance of overly praising him, whilst undervaluing herself. He plays along, but all the time he’s stealing glances at you, looking away when you caught him.

Tommy catches your gaze from across the table and gives you a wink. You feel the heat spread across your cheekbones at the action and you feel Joel stiffen next to you. Tommy’s gaze flicks to him and he rolls his eyes before looking back down at his soup, a knowing smile plastered on his face now.

The rest of the dinner goes on without incident and as the desert plates are being cleared you make your excuses and head to the toilet. The bathroom is unisex, with individual stalls lining the wall. You head to the furthest one as you hear the main door open and shut behind you. You don’t look, not thinking about anything or anyone else as you try to find a quiet space to freak out in private.

Strong hands grip your waist as you reach for the latch, you yelp in surprise as you’re spun around. You get ready to scream or cuss out your assailant when you see those soft, chocolate brown eyes magnified by the lenses framing his face. Joel looks at you with a hunger that makes your toes curl painfully in your tight heels. You feel yourself being drawn to him, those soft lips framed beautifully by his moustache.

“Fuck, and I thought you looked good in jeans and sneakers.” He rumbles, his thumbs digging into your hips with force enough to bruise.

“Joel what are you doing?” You gasp, your heart in your throat as you try to reign in the desire to pull him into a stall and let him fuck you against the door.

“Sorry, that was really inappropriate of me.” Joel says as you watch a blush creep over his face as he lets go of you. He steps back and looks bashful, a picture of the day you opened the door to him all that time ago.

“You never did know when to quit, huh?” You say, scraping your mind for an adequate quote, but it’s obscure so you’re not sure if he’ll get it. But the corner of his mouth twitches and you feel the rush of excitement stir in your chest.

“Damned good to see ya, Dutch.” He responds, completing the Predator quote without hesitation.

“Joel I-,” You start but he presses a firm finger to your lips, the sensation is maddening. You want to open your lips and take the digit into your mouth, suck on it and make him groan. You want him as much as you did a year ago, maybe more.

“It’s ok, I get it, you clearly got back on your feet, don’t need creepy old men like me to pay your rent.” He says, suddenly looking small in his expensive suit as he looks shyly at you through his thick glasses. Just like the way he looked at you on the bed.

“You’re not old and that’s not why, well, yes. I did get this job and they pay’s great,” You say with a meek smile, “I like you Joel, I had an amazing night with you and I just felt weird about taking money from you again when I’d have done it for free.” You say, feeling small and foolish as you admit so much to a man you barely know. You’re regretting more than ever not giving him your number.

“I see.” Is all Joel can say as he looks you up and down, clearly mulling something over behind those soft brown eyes. You feel anxiety gnawing at you as you realise Eileen could come looking for you any second. You had to make a decision, fast.

You step forward, hands trembling slightly as you cup his face, his facial hair tickles your thumbs as you rub soothingly against his jaw. You look into Joel’s eyes and watch as his pupils dilate, his tongue darts over his bottom lip and all restraint goes out of the window as you remember how it felt to have that very same tongue buried in your wet, needy cunt.

You both move in tandem, Joel’s hands fly to your hips as you pull him backwards into the stall, your lips crashing together with desperation. Your teeth bump together with a soft click and you both laugh as Joel turns to latch the door behind you. You’re both panting as you stand in the cubicle, the sink and toilet leaving very little room for your bodies.

“Sure you want to do this?” Joel asks softly, as he hesitates to touch you, his hands hovering over your hips.

“Buy me breakfast and it’s a deal.” You say breathily as you wrap your fingers around his wrists, guiding them to your hips. He pulls your hips against his slowly, sliding his hands around to cup your ass through your dress.

“Deal.” He growls as he pins you against the wall, hands sliding down under the hem of your dress as he kisses you. His tongue forcing its way into your mouth as you whimper, his rough fingertips brushing against your thighs as he tracks them up to the waistband of your panties. You were grateful you decided to wear something sexy, a red lace thong and matching strapless push up bra.

“Fuck sweetheart, I don’t have a condom.” He sighs as he presses his forehead against yours, you stifle a laugh. His voice is ragged, desperate, matching the coursing need rushing through you as every touch, every press of his body against yours reminds you of what you’d been missing.

“Neither do I, didn’t intend to get laid tonight.” You laugh, loving the way he sounds, just as frustrated and whiny as you do, as he tries to restrain himself.

“I could make a supplies run, but we don’t have time.” He grumbles but his hands continue to inch up your thighs.

“I trust you Joel.” You whimper but he just shakes his head.

“No chance, I want to do this properly sweetheart, condoms until I get you a copy of a health screening,” He says firmly and the conviction to give you full and clear consent makes you even more desperate for him, “But I’m not leaving this bathroom without taking care of you.” He says as he kisses the corner of your mouth, his lips sucking and nipping at the skin of your jaw. You keen under him arching up against his hard cock, his tight suit pants doing nothing to disguise how hard, and how large he is.

“Joel they’re going to come looking for me, I’m up for an award.” You whine as he sucks firmly on your neck, not hard enough to leave marks but hard enough to elicit desperate breathy whimpers from you.

“Best come quickly for me then sweetheart.” His voice is thick with desire, his hands bunching up the skirt of your dress as he sinks to his knees.

“Joel the floor’s dirty don’t-!” You begin to protest but you’re cut off by the press of Joel’s hot mouth against your clothed cunt. The sensation is obscenely hot as he mouths gently against your clit through the fabric. You groan and roll your hips up into his eager mouth.

“Shh, gotta be quiet.” He breathes against your thigh as he rolls your panties down, he lifts up your left ankle to slip your panties off, followed by your right. He tucks them into the front pocket of his suit before looking up at you, his glasses steaming up as he grins at you. You glide your fingers along his jaw with your right hand, your left bracing against the sink.

“I like you in glasses.” You say softly, his big brown eyes magnified behind the prescription lenses. He turns his head into your palm and the brush of his patchy facial hair followed by the press of his hot, plush lips against your skin makes you shudder, your pussy clenching around nothing as you start to feel incredibly needy. He grips the crook of your knee and guides your thigh over his shoulder, opening you wider for him and you oblige, shifting your weight against the sink to keep yourself upright.

“I like you in green, and red.” He says as he nuzzles against your palm, you feel the tips of your ears go hot as you rub your thumb along his jaw. He kisses up your thigh slowly, the sound of the main bathroom door barely registering as he licks slowly up the seam of your folds, sucking slowly on your clit as he flattens his tongue against it, the stimulation of his coarse moustache electric on your sensitive skin. He pulls back, glasses fully steamed up as he laughs, your arousal coating his lips.

“Gotta take these off.” He explains as he slips them into his jacket pocket, next to your thong. You nod, not trusting your own voice. Joel’s mouth finds your tight, aching hole, swiping his tongue up to your clit and back down again, burying his tongue inside you.

“Fuck Joel, make me feel so good.” You whine, the familiar warmth spreading from your spine to your core as you feel your orgasm building. You bite your lip and pull Joel in closer, guiding his mouth to your clit as you rake your fingernails through the patchy facial hair on his jaw. He notches a thick finger at your entrance and you have to clamp your hand over your mouth as you moan at the slow press of his thick digit against your walls.

You hear your name called from the room beyond the door and Eileen’s voice snaps your attention away from Joel for a brief second. Your eyes go wide and you look down to see Joel’s smile before he covers your clit with his mouth, swirling his thick tongue around it with blinding pressure as you bite down on the flesh of your palm. A knock on the door has Joel’s second finger hesitate as he looks up at you with amusement sparkling in his lust-blown eyes.

“Occupied.” He grunts as his second finger enters you. You exhale violently through your nostrils as you try not to scream at the knee-weakening stretch, the fullness of his two fingers inside you is torturous. Your fingers on the edge of the sink are cramping from holding on so hard, your knuckles white as you feel your walls clench hard around him. The sound of Eileen’s startled apology and the click of her heels on the tile have you letting out a shaky breath.

“Joel you’re a bad man.” You pant, removing your hand from your mouth, the semi-circle imprint of your teeth embarrassingly deep as you examine it. He sees and immediately takes your hand to press a soft kiss to either side of the heel of your palm.

“I know, but you love it,” He winks at you and you clench around his thick fingers as the combination of tenderness and confidence sends heat rushing through you, electrifying your skin, you’re so close, you can feel it, “But later you can be as loud as you want sweetheart, want to hear you.” He growls before latching back onto your clit, flicking aggressive strokes against your clit as he pumps his fingers into you, curling them slightly to hit your g-spot. Your head falls back as you come hard around Joel’s fingers, he keeps thrusting into you, knuckles slapping flush against you until you still around him.

“Fuck, I missed your pretty little cunt.” He breathes against your thigh before removing his fingers. He pops them in his mouth and groans, sucking your arousal greedily before gently removing your thigh from his shoulder. You lean back against the tiled wall, the thrum of your orgasm making you feel lofty, weightless, as you bask in the afterglow.

“Missed those skilful fingers and doting mouth Joel.” You retort as you run a hand over your face, careful not to smudge your makeup. Joel gets up from his knees with a soft groan, followed by a sharp pop. You wince at the sound, but Joel straightens with a playful grimace on his face.

“Happens all the time, knees not what they used to be.” He shrugs and you feel a smile ghost your lips as you hold your hand out for your panties. Joel grins as he fishes them out only to tuck them into the internal pocket of his jacket. You bite your lip playfully at the sight of it.

“Make a habit of eating out women in bathroom stalls and stealing their panties?” You tease and you see the blush creep up his strong neck, spreading to his cheeks as he wipes his glasses on his suit jacket.

“Never, but the moment I realised it was you…” He pauses, as if unsure if he should continue.

“Tell me.” You say softly, taking the glasses from his hands, slowly placing them back to rest on his strong nose. The gesture is intimate, unnecessary, but you wanted to put him at ease, you want him to know you didn’t regret this. There was also something about Joel, form the moment you met him, that made you want to be gentle with him, tender with him.

“I just didn’t think I’d see you again, and ever since you fell asleep with your head in my lap, watching that shitty Nick Cage movie, I’ve wanted more. I just didn’t know how to ask, how to contact you without...” He shrugs, his face clouded with doubt and regret.

“Hey, don’t get caught up in the what if’s now,” You say as you cup his jaw with both hands, tilting his face to make him look at you, “We can talk about the specifics later, but if you want, I’ll be in my room once I can disentangle myself from this party, we’ve got lost time to make up for.” You say grabbing some paper towels to clean up the mess between your legs before straightening you dress in the mirror. You fix your makeup and turn to Joel one last time.

“I do really need to get out there,” You say with genuine regret in your voice, you’d much rather take Joel upstairs and spend the rest of the night with him, under him, over him, but you had shit to do, “Clean yourself up Mr Miller, you’ve got something on your chin.” You lean in as you speak, whispering in his ear for the last bit before hurrying out of the stall. You hear him exhale loudly before laughing softly to himself as you close the door behind you.

You make it through your speech with relative ease, eliciting a few chuckles from the crowd. You notice Joel taking his place a respectable time after you had started speaking and your smile finally felt genuine. You take your place back at the table, the cut glass award placed triumphantly in front of you as you catch a sly smile from Tommy. You feel your face flush with heat as you look away.

“You did great up there,” Eileen says as you order another bottle of champagne for the table, you’d only managed to get a few sips of your second glass before colliding with Joel in the toilets, “You have to stick around for the networking, at least for a bit.” She pleads, as if knowing you were going to rabbit as soon as you got the chance. You feel Joel’s knee bump against yours and try not to react and you answer.

“Alright, but I am really tired, I’ll stay as long as I can manage.” You say as you apply pressure back against Joel’s knee.

“So, what was your award actually for?” Ellie asks and you turn to look at the young woman with an amused smile. She looks nothing like Joel you realise, but there’s a closeness to them that speaks to years of love, familiarity.

“Truthfully?” You say, noticing the way Sarah was looking at you with suspicion, “I have no clue, but I know it’s to do with an app I developed.”

“You developed your own app?” Ellie says with bright eyes, her initially scornful tone now alight with intrigue.

“Yup, there’s been a woeful lack of development around safeguarding solo workers, like care workers, social workers, I’ve even had interest in developing something for police officers and other emergency service workers.” You explain and you even see Sarah’s eyebrows go up in surprise. You tactfully leave out sex workers, because Eileen didn’t know about that side of it and you want to keep it that way.

“So how does it work?” Ellie asks, leaning around Joel as he leans back to let you talk over him.

“I can’t go into the details, or Eileen will have to kill me.” You say with as laugh and you hear Eileen huff behind you but she’s quickly distracted by Tommy complimenting her dress.

“Alright but what does it do?” Sarah asks this time, her deep brown eyes so alike her father’s as you regard her carefully.

“I’ve created a system that allows for solo workers to have points of contact, emergency calling features, schedules and tracking features that work on an encrypted network so that locations shared are kept out of external channels.” You explain, your words getting away with you as you realise the whole table is listening to you in awe. You bristle under the attention as you feel Joel’s large hand rest on your knee. You expect it to send your pulse spiking but the gentleness of it serves to calm you down instead.

“That’s actually really smart, and it’ll save lives.” Sarah says slowly, sipping from her glass as she looks at you. There’s something behind her look that you can’t quite read but you try not to linger on it.

“So what do you two do, I guess you’re just out of college Ellie?” You ask, turning the attention away from you. Ellie takes over with gusto and you lean a little too close to Joel over the table but you don’t thin anyone notices, anyone but Joel, his grip tightens on your knee and you trap it between your knees gently. The rest of the night is filled with laughter, stolen touches, and the hot thrumming in your veins that grows harder to ignore with every passing second.

The hotel door clicks behind you as you take a shuddering breath, you’re abuzz with alcohol, adrenaline, and desire as you turn on the lights and take of your shoes, the relief you feel is immense. You rub your feet aggressively to try and get the sensation back in your toes.

The lavish room reminds you of the room you shared with Joel all those months ago. The bedsheets are darker, the bathroom a little smaller, but it was close enough. You can’t decide if you should wait by the door or sit down on the bed, you opt for the bed, nervous energy making you twitch as you fiddle with the hem of your dress.

The soft knock on the door has you hurrying to the door, you peek through the peep hole and see him, you don’t waste a single second. You open the door and Joel moves to you like gravity drawing him into your orbit. His mouth slots over yours with a desperate moan as you fists your hands in his hair, no-longer caring about messing it up. The door closes with a slam as he kicks it closed, hoisting you up around his waist. You’re a mess of hot, open mouthed kisses, tongues sliding over one another as Joel stalks to the bed.

He presses you down into the bed, the smell of his cologne, sweat, and whisky blending perfectly in your mind as you arch up into him. You whimper as he licks into your mouth, his mouth devouring you like a man starved. His hands roam your body as you frantically paw at his open jacket, pushing it off his shoulders. It falls to the floor behind him softly and you groan as you force yourself to break the kiss.

“You get a condom?” You ask as you come up for air, your eyes fluttering open to the most handsome face you’d ever seen. Joel’s dark eyes are framed by his glasses, already steaming up as you reach for them gently. He smiles down at you as you pluck them from the bridge of his nose. You hold them to your chest gently, careful not to touch the lenses.

“‘Course, no way was I going to miss out on burying myself in that sweet cunt of yours.” He growls, as he tries to take the glasses back from you. You giggle as you hold them above your head, straining to keep them out of his reach.

“Show me how much you want it.” You taunt him, wrapping your thighs around his waist, anchoring him in place as he tries to reach for his glasses. You feel the hard press of his length against your core as your dress bunches up around your thighs. You whine at the friction of his clothed cock against your bare mound.

“Trying to make me beg sweetheart?” Joel looks to the glasses for a moment before back down to where your bodies meet. He sucks in a sharp breath as he sees his tented crotch grinding against your slick folds.

“I don’t try Joel, trying implies I’m going to fail.” You purr, bucking your hips to grind against him and he snarls at the sensation. You tremble as you feel yourself getting close, the white-hot burn of arousal striking forks of lightning up your spine. But you hold on, watching Joel’s jaw go slack as he battles with his own self-control.

“So that submission last time, just playing the role for me?” He grumbles but you don’t sense any real judgement in his tone. He’s just baiting you right back, you grin mischievously up at him.

“Oh no that was all real, I’m just a bit of a brat.” You say before biting down hard on your lip and fluttering your eyelashes at him. Joel’s eyes are near-black as his pupils dilate, a dark smile on his lips as his moustache twitches up.

“That so?” He rumbles as he kneels between your thighs, hands on your hips as he pushes you into the middle of the bed, he steps back and takes off his shirt slowly popping the buttons one by one. You move to get up to help but he shoots you a chastising look, cocking his head as his hands still on the button just above his belly-button. You flop back down onto the bed and he smiles.

“Good girl.” He says as he unfastens the last two buttons, baring his soft belly, his broad chest and thick, muscular arms to you as he runs one hand through his hair. The thumb of the other hand is tucked into the waistband of his slacks. You try not to fidget under his gaze, but the way he looks, shirtless, broad, domineering above you at the edge of the bed has you itching with desire. Every inch of you longs for his touch.

“Dress and bra off.” He orders, his voice deep, authoritative. You reach up to untie the clasp of your halter neck, the ribbons of silky fabric fan out around your head as you pull it down over your strapless bra. Joel hums as the swell of your lace covered tits comes into view.

“So pretty in red.” He groans as the hand that was on his waistband moves to palm his crotch through his slacks, he exhales softly as it brings him a small amount of relief from the desperate need you knew was building inside him.

“Joel.” You whine breathlessly, the tension too much as you shimmy the dress over your hips. Joel tugs the fabric away and tosses it off to the side before looking at your bra pointedly.

“Forgetting something sweetheart?” He asks, eyes dark as he kneels back down on the bed. You arch up off the bed, unclasping your bra with both hands before throwing it off the bed.

“Better.” Joel growls as he lowers his head in line with your glistening pussy, he hums softly as he presses soft kisses to the inside of your thigh, his hot breath fanning against your core and you squirm, you can’t help but clamp your thighs around his broad shoulders and his lips still. You can feel his lips turn up in a smile as his facial hair rubs against your soft, sensitive skin. The anticipation makes you whimper as you wait for his response.

“You’re making it so hard for me not to punish you sweetheart with all these little acts of disobedience,” He mutters as he loops his large hands under your knees, “You going to behave or am I just going to have to make you?”

“I’ll behave, I promise.” You whimper, trying to keep still as his threatening words make you feel like you could explode if he didn’t touch you.

“Last chance,” He warns before leaning in, folding your legs over his shoulders as he palms your ass cheeks with his large, calloused hands, lifting you up slightly to meet him. His mouth hovers over your clit, his hot breath unbearable as you keep yourself still. You tremble at the effort and you hear the soft chuckle right as Joel latches his mouth onto your clit.

“Joel, fuck yes, thank you.” You slur as he laves gently at your clit, dipping down through your folds as he gathers your arousal on his tongue. He groans, a rough, guttural sound as he sucks on your clit, combined with those soft, teasing strokes of his thick tongue he pushes you over the edge. You cry out his name as you clench around nothing, the pleasure rocking through you like a storm, building and crashing with every continued swirl of Joel’s tongue on your overstimulated clit.

“Such a needy thing,” He says softly as he licks a long stripe from your twitching hole up to your clit, sending almost painful jolts of pleasure through your body as you cry out in overstimulation, “On your hands and knees, come on you can do it.” He croons softly as he stands. You hear the tear of foil and you look up to see Joel, bare above you as he rolls down the condom over his thick length.

You’re boneless, limbs heavy from the second orgasm of the night, exhausted from the long day, but you comply. You flop over sloppily as you force yourself into position, you stick your ass out for extra effect. Joel’s large hands fall to your hips, helping you stay up as he lines up behind you, the cool press of the condom against your core has you shuddering in anticipation.

“So fucking eager,” He says softly, his right hand smoothing over the curve of your ass before a he squeezes gently, “I think you deserve a little bit of punishment for earlier, don’t you?” He asks as he swipes his cock through your folds.

“Yes.” You breathe and try not to move as he notches the fat head of his cock in your desperate entrance.

“Let me know if I go too hard, don’t wanna hurt you sweetheart ok?” The softness returns to Joel’s voice and your heart clenches with emotion as you remember just how wonderful he was last time.

“I will.” You squeak and the moment you consent his hand cracks down on your right cheek, the sharp burn of the spank made you weak. Pleasure and pain course through you like a drug, driving heat straight back to your overstimulated cunt. You cry out, head thrown back as you try not to push back, even if it’s all you want. All you can think about is how much you want him to just fuck into you.

“Fuck you’re so pretty,” Joel says, his voice strained as you feel him holding back, “Such a pretty ass.” He croons as he soothes the already reddening skin, the sensation makes your toes curl as his tender, calloused hands take some of the sting out of the blow. Another crack of his hand comes down on the other cheek as he nudges the tip forward into you. A strangled moan escapes you as the stretch of your walls combined with the force of the spank hit you at the same time. You’re panting and whimpering as you fist your hands into the sheets.

“There we go,” He says softy, kneading your ass with both hands, helping you work through the modest amount of pain, “On your back sweetheart, I want to see your pretty little face when I fill you up.”

You oblige eagerly, desire spurring your tired body on as you flip over, thighs spread as you look up at Joel. His eyes are dark with desire but his smile is sweet, caring as he kneels down between your legs, lining himself up with one hand as he strokes the snide of your knew with the other.

“You ready?” He asks softly, his thumb brushing back and fore on your sensitive skin as his tip presses into you slowly.

“Please Joel, fuck me, I can’t take it any more.” You whine, already bucking your hips up to meet him. He smirks and presses into you slowly, stretching you around him as he moans your name. His hands fall to your hips as he leans down, pressing a soft, tender kiss to your lips.

“Even with a condom on your pussy feels so damn good,” He breathes against your lips, “I’m so glad I decided to come to this event.” He says as he rolls his hips into you gently, hitting that sweet spot inside you that makes you tremble, your cunt fluttering around him as you feel another orgasm building.

“I’m glad you did too, missed you Joel, wish I’d taken your number.” You say in between desperate pants, the fullness of Joel inside you driving coherent thought from your mind.

“Well, I’ll make sure we exchange numbers this time, no way am I waiting another year.” He chuckles as he pulls almost all the way out, his nose pressed against yours as he ruts back into you with a sharp snap of his hips. You arch up into him as he picks up the pace, his mouth swallowing your moans as he dips his tongue into yours.

“Joel?” You ask as you both come up for air, Joel’s eyes are hazy as he continues his unrelenting rhythm, fucking you down into the mattress so hard you almost forget what you were going to ask.

“What is it baby what do you need?” He asks as he slows a little, holding back to let you think.

“Can I touch myself?” You ask and Joel groans as he snaps his hips hard, filling you to the hilt as you whine.

“Fuck you’re so hot when you ask permission,” He laughs softly as he kisses the corner of your mouth, “Of course, I’m close baby so want to feel you before I do.”

“Thank you.” You say as you snake your hand down to your clit, you’re so wet with your own slick that you match Joel’s maddening thrusts with hurried circles around your swollen, oversensitive bud. Your breath comes in ragged gasps as you feel yourself getting close. You feel yourself teetering on the precipice and you move your hands to Joel’s shoulders, digging your nails into his muscular form as you tip over the edge.

“Joel- Joel, I’-, I-!” You wail as his brutal thrusts finish you off.

Joel’s thrusts falter and as you clench around him, your mind going blank, euphoria pulsing through you in bursts of overstimulated aftershocks. Joel groans as he fucks down into you twice more, a tight groan escaping his lips as his brow knits together.

His body shudders and stills inside you, his dark eyes blissful as he leans down to kiss you. Your lips fit together perfectly, your tongue intertwining with his as you pull him down to cover you with his body. Your nails scrape down his back and he shudders, pulling out of you with a sharp exhale.

You lie together, Joel’s head tucked under your chin as you come down together, a warm, welcome buzz floating around your chest as you bask in the tenderness of the moment.

“Going to dump this in the trash.” Joel says as he rolls off you and removes the condom, tying the end in a knot before making his way to the bathroom. His knee pops as he straightens up and you can’t help but giggle. He looks at you over his shoulder with a sly smile painted on his plush lips. You roll out of bed reluctantly to clean up. You dance around one another tentatively as you share the space in the bathroom.

It’s a wordless dance of gentle touches, shy looks, and turned heads as you take turns cleaning up before you’re finally wrapped up in bed, leaning back against the headboard, Joel’s arm around you as you lean into his warm body. The television is on, some old Western playing quietly in the background but neither of you are really watching it.

“You want to get dinner tomorrow night?” You ask gently as you trace spirals over the small dusting of hair on Joel’s chest.

“What about breakfast?” He asks, head pressed into your hair as he places a soft kiss to the top of your head. He inhales softly and you shudder pleasantly at the sensation.

“I mean, that was already a done deal,” You say with a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth, “I mean like a date?” You wince as you hear how lame it sounds but you had to, you were already way too invested to stop whatever this was between you now.

“I’d like that, it’s a date.” He hums as he pulls you in tighter against him.

“It’s a date.” You say as you close your eyes, listening to the thrumming of Joel’s heartbeat as you settle into the warmth of his embrace.

Let me know what you thought! I had a lot of fun writing this but stumbled here and there, I hope I stuck the landing! Please leave comments, likes and reblogs if you enjoyed it!

If you want to be added to my tag list let me know!

Tag List: @yvonneeeee @notsosecretspy @jadealicious06 @famouslyanonymous @harriedandharassed @casa-boiardi

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desuidesu · 4 months

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Just a little WIP O wanted to make since reading the latest chapter of ‘ The Girl in IT ‘ and I was immediately floored !!! Your honor! I love them!!! Please go and check out their entire masterlist! @chiriwritesstuff 💗

#gihee 💕#pedro pascal #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #the girl in it #Sugar and Joel 💕

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haileybeehappy · 4 months

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can you or anyone reading help me find the writer here. is was a joel miller smut where he's her sugar daddy, he fucks her bending over the dressing table even tho she's fully ready in a top class dress but he fucks it dirty, he does it bcz she laughed at something which he took as taking his party unserious, and then she had to change her clothes and jewellery all over again while he just simply walks out after putting his dick back in his pants and giving her a 30 min deadline. i know the warning as like---" a walking menace, buys you pretty things in exchange for shoving his cock in you. +18 smut, dub-con, painful and rough sex, p in v sex, degradation, abusive behavior, creampie, dirty talk, dacryphilia, no aftercare, sugar daddy, daddy kink This is NOT okay behavior." pls pls pls help me find it

I don’t think I’ve read this one but I hope you’ve found it!! It definitely sounds interesting and worth the read.

#Joel miller #Joel miller smut #Joel miller sugar daddy #joel miller the last of us

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chiriwritesstuff · 2 months

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My Wife in IT - Sugar's (official) Bucket List! (Part 1!)

Series Rating: E (18+, MDNI)

Well well well... what do we have here? It's Sugar's turn!

My Wife in IT, Releasing on March 18th! Are you all ready? Did your suggestion make the cut?

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theidiotwhowritesthings · 8 months

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Take Care of You [9]

Sugar Daddy!Joel Miller x Female!Reader

Chapter Word Count: 9,950

Mood board and borders by @saradika

[a/n: we back, baby. and we also barely edited so if you catch a typo don't hate me. also this was supposed to end in a different spot but then i got carried away in the middle so i had to split it 🥴]

Chapter Specific Warnings: angst, heartbreak, binge drinking to ease emotional turmoil, mild violence, mentions of blood and injury

09: LET ME TAKE CARE OF YOU

"i still haven't figured out how to sit across from you, and not be madly in love with everything you do." ⏤ william c. hannon

Three years ago, Nima tried to convince you to go skydiving with her. She begged and she pleaded, but you told her ‘no’ on account of thinking she was a crazy person for wanting to jump out of a perfectly good plane. Which was hilarious now considering you were sitting beside Joel wanting to pull open the door and dive out. The irony was not lost on you.

The only reason you hadn’t gone scrambling for the door was because Joel was forced to take a work call a few minutes into the flight. He hadn’t moved away. Joel stayed right next to you with his arm behind you as he spoke, and every few moments he’d glance at you with a silent apology and shake his head. You’d reply with a tight lipped smile and go back to mindlessly scrolling through instagram.

Unfortunately the mindlessly scrolling was not so mindless. Since leaving Vegas, you had a high pitch ringing in the back of your mind like an endless, echoing siren. Married. A married man. Joel was⏤ Your teeth were clenched together so hard you wondered if Joel could hear them grinding against one another. Yesterday had been filled with so much anxiety, and you had managed to work through it by the end of the night. Mostly. But this was worse. This was so much worse.

Married?

Your throat suddenly felt tight, eyes stinging with unshed tears, and you hastily undid your seatbelt and stood. Joel glanced your way and you pointed to the back of the plane and mouthed the word ‘bathroom’ to him. He nodded with a soft smile, and you spun on your heel and practically sprinted to the tiny plane bathroom. You struggled to get the folding door shut and the stewardess who sat not far away stared at you in confusion. You gave her an awkward wave and finally got it latched.

“Fuck.” You shoved your face in your hands, leaning against the wall, and held back your tears. You were confused and frustrated, and you couldn’t even find relief in a good cry because Joel would spot it in a heartbeat no matter how much you tried to put yourself back together. The thought of confronting him about this right now was your worst nightmare. You hadn’t had the time to process any of the wild thoughts pinging around your head yet.

Your mind was at war with itself. On one hand, maybe you were being stupid and naive. For the last month and a half you’ve spent nearly every day with Joel and on the days you weren’t actively seeing him the two of you would talk either over a call or through text. You knew Yo-yo for 24 hours. Sure, she seemed nice and sincere, but what if Rosalind sent her to screw with you? For all you knew, Yo-yo had cruel intentions and was trying to drive a wedge between you and Joel. By taking her word you’d be playing right into that trap. What she said about the other sugar baby and about Joel being married? Maybe it was all fake and you’ve been stressing for no reason.

On the other hand, Joel didn’t kiss you. He didn’t kiss you because he wanted to ‘do right by you’. Joel asked for time. Was it because he needed to get a divorce? Worse. Was he married with absolutely no plans to get divorced and just buying time for something else?

God, if you kept up this line of thought you were gonna vomit. Quickly, you turned to the sink to splash a little cold water on your face in hopes it would help you get your shit together for the next thirty minutes. Half an hour and you’d be on the ground. But then what? It would be a miracle if you kept it together for thirty minutes let alone any longer.

You took in a long, slow breath and tried to clear your mind. When you felt steady enough, you stepped out of the bathroom. As tempting as it was to hide in there for the rest of the flight, it would probably be a red flag for Joel that something was wrong. You wandered back over to Joel and at your approach, and at the sight of you, he covered the bottom of his phone and whispered, “You alright?”

“Mhmm.” You nodded quickly and sat back down.

“I’m sorry. Jus’ another minute.”

You waved your hands at him as nonchalantly as you could and he went back to his call. You leaned back in the seat, phone in hand, and Joel readjusted his arm on the back of the seat so he could settle his hand on your shoulder. As he always did, his thumb was tracing circles on your shoulder. An action you always loved, but now an intrusive thought slammed into you⏤ does he do this with his wife? The question was so startling, so sickening, that you couldn’t bite back the nausea that rolled through your body. You jumped up so fast you nearly stumbled over your feet, and you scrambled for the bathroom.

Vaguely, you heard your name behind you, but you didn’t stop until you reached the toilet. You fell to your knees and threw up. The taste of acid in your mouth made you wince, but getting it all up did bring some relief. That relief was short lived though as you felt a large, warm hand settle on your back.

“Jesus, sugar.” He said in a soothing voice as he rubbed your back. “What’s goin’ on? Have you felt sick all mornin’?”

You spat into the toilet bowl, trying to get the taste of bile out of your mouth, before reaching out and flushing the toilet. You tried to stand, and Joel hooked his arm around you to help you up. He called out of the bathroom and a second later the stewardess brought in a cup of water and a ginger ale. Joel handed you the water and kept his hand rubbing up and down on your back.

“I’m⏤ I’m fine.” You shook your head and took a sip of water to swish and spit into the sink. “Really.”

“Obviously not.” Joel replied. “C’mon, let’s sit you down.”

“Joel…” You tried to argue, but he wasn’t hearing it. He kept an arm around you as he carefully led you back to the seat. He brought the bottle of ginger ale with you and the moment you finished the water he took the cup out of your hand to replace it with the soda. “I feel better now. It’s fine.”

“You’ve been off this mornin'. I was worried.” Joel lifted a hand to feel your forehead. It made sense that Joel picked up on your distress. He had always been so good at reading you. “You seemed fine when we first woke up. When exactly did you start feelin' sick?”

You took a sip of the ginger ale, “I…I don’t know. After breakfast maybe.” You lied. The sincerity in his eyes, the concern in his voice, it was both bringing you comfort and making you sick again all at once. You felt so stupid. Either you were freaking out over a lie a woman you barely knew told you or you were being tricked into feelings by a married man. Either way, you felt pathetic. “Your, um, your work call, Joel.”

Joel shook his head in response and didn’t even bother addressing the work call he stopped. He set a hand on the back of your neck and his thumb was lightly ghosting over your skin. You closed your eyes and took a slow breath in and out through your nose. “Tell me what I can do, sugar.”

“I⏤” You swallowed the lump in your throat. You forced your eyes open, finding Joel’s furrowed brow and worried gaze already on you, and it made you want to cry. You shook your head, “I, um, I think I just wanna lay down for a while. If that’s okay.”

“Course it’s okay.” He replied.

The seat the two of you were sharing wasn’t long enough for you to lay down without laying your head on Joel’s lap. You planned on moving to the other couch seats to lay down, but Joel’s hand was still on the back of your neck and he lightly began to guide you down. Too tired to even try and move, you settled your head on his thigh and curled your body up onto the rest of the seat.

In any other situation, this would be one of the most comfortable spots on Earth. Your head rested on his thick, firm thigh, and Joel’s hand traced where he could reach. Up and down your jawline and neck⏤ his thumb and forefinger would occasionally massage your earlobe. You tried to calm your racing thoughts. The truth was, you didn’t know the truth yet. It was a fact you kept repeating in your head in hopes it would numb the sharp pain of your worst fears, but those intrusive thoughts continued to pummel you.

“I’m so sorry, baby girl.” Joel murmured while his fingers dragged across your skin. “What a shitty way to end this weekend.” You hummed in agreement. This really was a shitty way to close out what started as one of the best weekends of your life.

Avoiding Joel made you realize how involved in your life he was. After landing in LA, Joel tried to drag you to a doctor and only conceded when you told him it was probably a 24 hour bug and you just wanted to sleep. He called you later that night to check in on you, and you managed to talk to him for a few minutes before lying about wanting to go to bed early. Come Monday morning, you went to work despite Joel texting you that you should stay home. Trying to focus at work was physically painful. Enough so that after the nightmare Monday had been, you left midway through the day today claiming to Henry that you didn’t feel well. It wasn’t even a full blown lie. You felt like shit.

Nima threw the folder of papers onto her desk and set her hands on her hips, “I’m gonna hit him with my car.”

“Please don’t.” You mumbled with your chin resting in your palm as you leaned on the other side of her desk. After leaving work, you came directly to Nima’s office. Going home and sitting on your couch, alone with your thoughts, would only make you ten times more miserable.

“No, actually, my car isn’t big enough. I’m gonna commandeer a bus and hit him with that.”

“I haven’t confirmed anything yet. For all I know, I’m being this pathetic over nothing.”

Nima snapped her hand up and pointed at you with a glare, “No. I will not have you shit talking yourself when the only person we should be shit talking is Joel Miller and his wife.”

You groaned and let your head fall to the desk. The words ‘Joel Miller and his wife’ made you viscerally ill. The time you spent not talking to Joel Monday night you spent stalking people on social media. You reached dead ends very quickly though since Joel didn’t have any social media whatsoever. The easiest solution was to just look Joel in the eyes and ask him for the truth, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You wanted to know the truth, but you were scared to actually seek it out.

If you asked Joel for the truth, if you confronted him, then he’d give it to you.

What if the truth was something you didn’t want to hear?

“Alrighty, babe, real talk.” Nima said and you lifted your head, keeping your chin resting on the wood, and saw she had dropped down into her office chair. To meet your eye line, she held her chin on the desk across from you to mirror your position. “I can threaten and plot his demise all I want, but I know I’m not allowed to kill him until this is confirmed or denied.” She twisted her lips. “You deserve the truth.”

You pouted, “How am I supposed to ask him about this, Nima??”

Her eyebrows furrowed in concern, “If you did ask… How sure are you that he’d answer truthfully?”

You pushed up and leaned back in the chair. That was a good question, and with anyone else it would probably be a real concern. However, you weren’t worried about that. You truly, deep down, believed that if you confronted Joel about this he would give you the truth.

“I really think he would.” You answered. “Is that naive of me?”

“You know him better than I do.”

This entire situation made you question that. Did you know him? You knew he grew up in Austin. He had a younger brother, Tommy, and it was just them and his mom for most of his childhood. You knew he attended one year in college when his mom passed away⏤ cancer. Joel dropped out of college to take care of his brother and picked up a job in construction. That’s where he got his start. His first boss saw he had a knack for more than just the manual labor and trusted him with more and more until Joel was running sites for the man. At 27, Joel’s girlfriend of three months got pregnant. They planned to make it work, but she left when Sarah was two weeks old. You knew he adopted Ellie three years later. That he earned his bachelor’s degree in business at home through online classes while raising two young girls and working a full time job. That he started Miller Construction shortly after earning that degree, and it blew up from there.

You knew despite being a tough guy, he didn’t like horror movies.

You knew his favorite whiskey was Lagavulin⏤ neat.

The one thing you didn’t know was if he was married or not.

“I am going to suggest something,” Nima began, “And I want you to listen before you call me crazy.” You shot her confused look and she continued on. “I have this cousin.” You groaned and Nima chastised you to listen. It seemed like she had a cousin available for every situation that arose, and half the people she called cousin weren’t even technically related to her by blood. Anytime you asked her about it all she’d say was ‘Korean moms’ love to talk’, as if that clarified anything for you. “Seriously. He’s dating a private eye. With one text, we can get some answers.”

You shook your head, “Nima, that’s insane.”

“Is it?”

“Yes, hiring a private investigator is insane.”

“Look, it’ll get us reliable answers.” Nima argued. “The truth.”

You rolled the idea around in your head. It was literally the epitome of paranoid absurdity, but you were wondering if that’s the point you were at. Would it be better to find out this way? That way when you finally did confront Joel you wouldn’t be blind sided by the answer. Hell, if the answer turned out to be ‘no, he isn’t married’ then you can chalk up the last few days as time wasted and move on with your life. That being said, it did seem like an invasion of Joel’s privacy.

“That feels…” You paused, “Illegal?”

“It’s not illegal to hire a PI.” Nima countered then tilted her head. “I think. I’m not a lawyer, but people do it on TV all the time, right?”

“Well, that logic is foolproof.”

“I’m not gonna do it if you tell me you don’t want to do it.” Nima said firmly. She crossed her arms and gave a small little shrug. “But you have to do something. Either this or just call him right now and tell him the two of you need to talk.” There was a protective sincerity in her eyes that felt like a security blanket being settled on your shoulders. “I don’t want to see you get more attached to this guy just to be hurt. I don’t want him to lie to you.”

You knew Nima only had your best interests in mind. Technically, Joel had given you no reason not to trust him. Half the time you thought on this topic you convinced yourself you were overreacting and being a pathetic, paranoid mess. Yo-yo, as nice and fun as she had been, was a virtual stranger to you. Her word shouldn’t trump Joel’s. You knew all of that, and you wanted to trust him. However, it felt like some broken part of you was looking for something to be wrong. Joel Miller was too good to be true. Why would someone like him be interested in someone like you? There had to be something else going on. According to your ex, you hadn’t even been worthy of him and Joel Miller was ten times the man he was.

“Okay, do it.” You blurted and hated yourself for doing so.

Nima held your gaze for a second, but you pushed to stand and crossed her office to her private bathroom. You took one of the paper towels, dampening it, and set it on the back of your neck in a poor attempt to ground yourself. For a while longer, you just stood there in front of the sink. Not staring at yourself, but staring forward at a singular spot as your thoughts raced. You needed a positive thought. Just one would do, and you were prepared to drag it out of your thick skull kicking and screaming if necessary.

“Everything is going to be okay.” You mumbled to yourself softly.

The whispered words did nothing for your anxiety. However, the memory of him did. You found comfort looking back at the soft moments spent with Joel and let yourself fall down that rabbit hole. The temporary peace was nice, but it didn't last. Finding strength you didn’t know you had today, you splashed your face one more time and then left the bathroom.

Your eyes immediately landed on Nima who stared back with wide eyes. Nima spoke first, “What?”

“What?” You repeated. “I didn’t say anything.”

“Oh, I thought you said something.” Nima flipped her phone over and settled her hand on top of it. You glanced from her face to her phone and back again. A look of misery flickered across her features. You tilted your head in question. “Are you hungry? I’m hungry.”

“Nima.” You crossed the room quickly. “Did they already text back??”

“No. Yes. Maybe?” Nima shook her head. “Not exactly.”

“Nima.”

She twisted her lips and drummed her nails against the plastic case of her phone. You shot her another look and she blew out a sigh. “He sent me a response, but it’s like half an answer. Half a report. We should wait until he can⏤”

“What did he say?”

“Apparently, he’s working on a case for someone else right now and had a database right in front of him so all he had to do was type in⏤”

“Nima, please.” You blurted. It felt like your heart was caught in your throat. You couldn’t breathe and you didn't feel coherent enough to string together a thought. Her hesitance was an answer in and of itself. You rubbed your throat, your other arm wrapping around your torso in a poor attempt to hold yourself together, and gasped. “Just say it.”

“He’s married, babe.” Nima mumbled. You knew the words had been coming, but they still overwhelmed you. The air left your lungs as if someone had gut punched you and you fell back into the seat in front of her desk. “He said he’d send me the certificate when he could, but he has to finish this job first. I’m so sorry. I am so, so sorry. I⏤”

Nima stopped herself from speaking as she came around her desk and wrapped an arm around your shoulders. You sat in her embrace for as long as your shattering mind could endure and then shook your head, “I need a drink. Drinks. Plural.”

“It’s three in the afternoon, babe.” Nima mumbled in concern. You shot her a dry look and she offered you a tight lipped smile. “Drinks it is! Let’s go. We can go back to my place and⏤”

“No.” You pushed to stand. “I wanna go out.”

“Oh… kay. Where?”

“Anywhere.” You turned and began to leave.

Nima was scrambling to gather her belongings into her strawberry shaped purse before rushing out after you. “Just one drink though. I hate being the voice of reason, but we should limit ourselves to one drink.”

One drink turned into two which turned into three which turned into twelve.

By 6 PM, you were borderline wasted. It was by no means the best decision you’ve ever made, but you couldn’t classify it as your worst considering that, for the first time since leaving Vegas, you didn’t feel sad or defeated. No, those blue emotions had turned into a burning shade of red. You had finally found your anger and all it took was copious amounts of alcohol.

“I mean, married?” You scoffed as you stood at the bar with Nima at your side. “That’s⏤ That’s illegal.” Nima nodded in agreement as she blindly tried to find the straw in her drink with her tongue. You reached out and pushed it toward her lips. “And worse than illegal! It’s fucking rude.”

“So rude.” Nima slurped at the last of her drink and all you could hear was the rattling of ice in her glass. She pulled away to slam the cup down and pointed at you⏤ her pink hair had been let down from the braid to messily rest around her shoulders. “You should get a new sugar daddy!” You stuck your tongue out in disgust and shook your head. “No! This is such a good idea.” Nima began to look around the bar. “Let’s find you a super hot, super not married sugar daddy.”

“I don’t want a new sugar daddy. I want another drink.” You leaned on the bar and waited for the bartender to look your way. Nima and you had bounced to a few bars. The two of you, back when you were sober, decided to start drinking in an area that had multiple bars all within walking distance. The one you were in now wasn’t familiar to you⏤ it wasn’t a place you and Nima had been to before. It was a bit too upscale for your liking. Sober you would not have been a fan. Drunk you? Loving it.

Nima was tapping on your shoulder rapidly and when you looked her way she was pointing across the bar to God knows who. “He looks like he wouldn’t marry someone without your permission.”

“That’s,” You shook your head, “not my situation.”

“Isn’t it?”

“I don’t know.” You shook your head and looked back toward the bartender who was busy with a group of women further down the bar. The sound of vibrating vaguely filled the air and you leaned closer to Nima who immediately wrapped her arms around you in a hug. “You’re vibrating.”

“You’re vibrating.”

You found her purse and opened it so you could rifle through it. It dawned on you then that somewhere around bar two and drink five you had shoved your phone in her purse for safe keeping. When you finally managed to pull it out, Joel’s face was flashing on the screen and you yelped in surprise. You tossed the phone onto the bar and held your face between your hands.

“Oh, no. Oh, no, no.” You shook your head and the vibration stopped. Joel’s picture disappeared and was replaced with a notification of a missed call that joined the notification telling you that you had unread messages. Your eyes snapped to Nima who was trying to drink out of her empty cup again. “Joel.”

“Bastard man.” Nima edited.

“Dinner.” You grimaced. “At 7. I’m supposed to get dinner with Joel at 7. It’s 6:35.”

Nima shook her head and crunched the ice she had shoveled into her mouth, “Bastard man can go to dinner with his wife tonight.”

You grimaced, “I hate all the words you just used.”

The bartender began to wander over and Nima turned to order more drinks. You picked up your phone and leaned against the bartop with your elbow. With a frown and furrowed brow, you opened your text messages. Every unread text was from Joel unsurprisingly. The first came in at 4:29 and it was a simple, ‘Hey sugar, I’m excited to see you tonight’. The next was almost exactly an hour later and it said, ‘Hope your day’s been alright. We still on for tonight?’. Finally, the most recent at 6:15, was just your name with a question mark.

You set the phone back down before the temptation to reply could overcome you. It only sat on the bartop for a second before it began to vibrate violently as another call came in. Joel’s face filled the screen and you felt a wave of sadness drag you under. The fact that you were mourning the lack of his presence to this degree was probably a sign you were doing this ‘sugar baby’ thing very wrong.

“Maybe I should answer it.” You voiced the thought aloud.

Nima caught it and gasped before slapping her hand on top of the still buzzing phone, “No, ma’am! You will not be doing that.” The bartender set two new drinks between the two of you. Nima pushed one in front of you and moved the straw to point directly at you. “Drink.”

You took a sip then spoke, “I don’t even know the whole story⏤” Nima pushed your face back to the straw so you took another long sip. “Maybe it’s a misunderstanding…” This time your lips found their way to the straw on their own accord and you took a sip that could be argued as dangerously long. “I need to talk to him. Confront him. Demand answers.”

“Yes. To all of that. Eventually.” Nima replied with a nod. She reached forward and bopped you on the nose with her finger. “But not tonight.”

“Why not?”

“Because I know one thing in life,” Nima held up the one finger she used to bop your nose, “You do not have serious conversations while drunk.”

You shook your head with a pout, “I thought you said you don’t like being the voice of reason.”

“If it means helping you, I’ll always lean toward reason, babe.”

The two of you went back to drinking. Your vibrating phone stopped and a few seconds passed before a notification for a voicemail popped up. You turned to Nima, “Can I listen to it? That’s not talking. That’s listening.”

Nima chewed on her straw slowly before bobbing her head in an affirmative nod, “I shall allow it.”

You picked up the phone to listen to the message he left you.

‘Hey, sugar.’ Joel’s voice rumbled over the line and you felt your chest physically ache at the sound. You closed your eyes in annoyance with yourself. If you hadn’t fallen so hard, so fast for this man you wouldn’t be in this scenario to begin with. ‘Gotta say I’m a little worried. Haven’t heard from ya all day. Gimme a call when ya get this.’

You groaned and set your head down on the bar. Guilt gnawed at you. It felt childish of you to be ghosting him like this, and that wasn’t your typical go to move. You had enough respect for the people in your life to address them when needed rather than hide behind voicemail. With the guilt was a swirling vortex of anger. You were angry at Joel for not being up front with you. You were angry at Yo-Yo for being the one to plant the initial doubt that started all this. You were angry at yourself most of all. Angry that you felt guilt at all, angry that you had foolishly placed so much trust in a man you barely knew, angry that despite everything there was still a part of you that craved his presence. You missed his touch and his voice. You missed those burning brown eyes and the way his very glance could melt you into a puddle.

“You okay, babe?” Nima’s voice asked softly. You shook your head without lifting it. “I’m sorry. I can break his knee caps if you want?”

“What?” You lifted your gaze.

��What?” She replied innocently.

The phone began to vibrate again startling you. He had just called so you didn’t expect him to call again, but then again you were supposed to be in your apartment waiting for him to pick you up for dinner. You pictured him standing at your door dressed up and holding a bouquet of flowers. Nausea rolled over you in waves, and you grabbed your mixed drink thinking it could cure your troubles.

A few minutes passed before another voicemail was left. You snatched your phone up and shoved it back into Nima’s purse so it would be out of your line of sight⏤ not even bothering to listen to the second voicemail. Tomorrow, you decided. Tomorrow you would confront Joel and have this difficult conversation. You both finished the drinks in front of you as the lively bar continued to thrive around you.

“Why is he married?” You asked suddenly. Nima must have known it wasn’t a question you expected an actual answer to as she stayed silent. You rested your face in your hands and sighed. With your eyes closed against your hands like this you began to feel dizzy. A sure sign that you should stop drinking. Nima rubbed your back soothingly and you dropped your hands to shoot her an appreciative glance. “You’re the best best friend a girl could ask for.”

“I know, babe. And you know what else I know?” Nima squished your cheeks together with a wide grin, “You deserve the universe in a gold hand basket, and any man who can’t see that or who would play games with your big, loving heart doesn’t deserve you.”

You laughed and Nima chuckled herself before letting go of your face to pick up her empty glass. Her tongue struggled to find the straw but once it did she tried to take a big gulp only to get drops and air. Nima pulled away from her straw and furrowed her brow, “Who finished my drink?”

With another laugh, you raised your hand to order two more drinks. At this point you’ve already had so much to drink, what would one more hurt? You knew the hangover tomorrow was going to be a bad one, but a part of you was looking forward to it. There would be no mourning Joel tomorrow if your head hurt too much to even think his name.

Nima successfully managed to distract you again as she drunkenly delved into a story you weren’t quite following, but you enjoyed the way she told it. A low whistle interrupted the moment of peace the two of you had found. You glanced past Nima to see two men in business suits wandering over. Nothing about them stood out to you. One was brunet and the other blond, but they both looked like they never grew out of the frat lifestyle on a college campus.

“We saw you two pretty ladies from over there and wanted to come and offer you our company.” The blond greeted smugly.

Nima turned in her seat to face him and waved her hand at him while taking a long sip of her drink until the ice rattled in the glass. Then she pulled the straw out of her mouth to finally speak with a shake of her head, “Sorry, we don’t speak english.”

“You just said that in English.” The blond chuckled.

“Sorry, sorry.” Nima waved her hand once more. “I don’t understand your accent.”

You snickered under your breath while chewing on your straw. The brunet stepped forward to stand side by side with the other and shook his head, “No need to be a bitch. We just wanted to talk.”

“Oh, you haven’t even begun to see bitchy yet.” Nima pointed her glass in their direction⏤ a bit of ice sloshing out with the exaggerated movement. “I can show you bitchy.” She reached back to swat at your arm. “Tell them, babe.”

“She can.” You nodded in agreement.

The blond set a hand on his friend’s shoulder and tugged him back, “Let’s just go, man.”

The brunet reluctantly let himself get dragged away, but he continued to stare at you and Nima the entire time. Nima spun in her seat and scoffed, “Where was I before I was interrupted by douchebag one and douchebag two?”

“I’m not gonna lie,” You shrugged, “I have no idea.”

“I’ll pick a place then.” Nima said and jumped into the middle of her story. “So, there I was covered head to toe in honey.”

Same as before, you really couldn’t keep track of her tale but it amused you all the same. The two of you chatted for another minute or two before a new face came across the two of you again. Nima had bounced in her seat, excited, and it knocked her strawberry shaped purse to the floor. Your phone clattered out. Before you could climb off the bar stool to grab it, a man passing knelt down and scooped it up. In one tanned hand he grabbed the purse and in the other your phone. The phone’s screen lit up and you swallowed at the sight of the multiple missed messages all from the same person.

“Oh.” The man cleared his throat and straightened his stance. He was handsome with a kind face. Dark hair, a bit on the longer side, was messily pushed back and it matched the scruff on his upper lip and chin. The man wore a pink button up shirt, all the buttons undone, over a white t-shirt. “I suppose this is yours, miss?”

You begun to reach out, “Thanks⏤”

“Hold it!” Nima pointed at the man making his dark, brown eyes widen. “State your intentions, sir!”

“To…return your purse?” He lifted up the strawberry bag.

Nima narrowed her eyes at him and snatched it away, “Likely story.”

“Thank you.” You reached out and he handed the phone over to you. A glance down revealed four missed calls, two unheard voicemails, and five texts. You winced at the sight and set your phone face down on the bar. You were surprised to see the man still standing by your stools. “You…” You narrowed your eyes at him. “You look familiar. Have we met before?”

He chuckled and shook his head, “Afraid not, ma’am.”

It was sitting on the tip of your tongue, but your foggy brain just couldn’t quite grasp it. Nima snapped her fingers and pointed at him. “I got it. He’s that guy.” You lifted an eyebrow at her words and she nodded frantically. “Yeah, he’s that actor! You play in that one show with, like, the zombies or whatever, right?”

“Not at all.” He laughed with a shake of his head. “I ain’t no actor.”

“Well then, I’m out of guesses.” Nima grumbled. She tilted her head, looking him up and down once more, “You seem nice enough. Got a pretty face. You rich? You wanna be a sugar daddy? She’s in the market.”

You rolled your eyes, “Nima.”

“You’re in the market for a sugar daddy?” The man asked in shock. You could hardly blame the man for his confusion and disbelief. This was hardly a normal bar conversation. “Really?”

“No. She’s just drunk.”

“Irrelevant.” Nima argued.

You chuckled then introduced yourself and Nima. The man paused for a beat before nodding and offering you his hand. “Nice to meet you both. My name is Tommy.” It took a second to click, but once the name finally wormed its way through your mind your eyes widened. Tommy chuckled and answered your unspoken question, “Yeah. I am.”

Nima glanced between you two with a frown, “Hold on, I’m not following. You are what? You’ll be her new sugar daddy?”

“No way in hell.” Tommy grinned. “If I even thought 'bout it, my brother’d skin me alive.”

The look on Nima’s face stayed confused until you swallowed the lump in your throat and finally spoke, “It’s… Nima, this is Joel’s brother.”

Her face remained frozen before morphing into one of shock. She gasped, almost comically, and pointed at him. “Oh, fuck.” Her eyebrows furrowed into a glare. “You son of a bitch, your brother is a son of a bitch!”

Tommy didn’t pay her outburst any mind, but his eyes darted back to you. “I asked my brother to come out drinkin' with me tonight, but he said ‘no’ cause he had a date with you.” Tommy stuck his hands into his pockets. “Funny I’m findin' you here without him.”

“That’s because your brother is too busy with his wife to be with my girl!”

Tommy’s eyebrows furrowed in surprise and he glanced back to you, “He already told you about her?”

It was quite possibly the worst string of words you could have heard all day. Only in competition with Nima’s ‘He’s married, babe’. You felt nauseous and dizzy⏤ the breath stolen from you again. Nima was arguing with Tommy, you could hear her voice, but you couldn’t concretely understand a single word that was said. When you finally managed to get a handle on reality, you looked back to see things had fallen apart and more time than you realized had passed in your mental breakdown.

The blond and brunet from earlier, in the suits, had come back and were somehow arguing with Tommy and Nima now. You suddenly began to regret the last two drinks you had. Maybe if you had gone with a couple glasses of water instead you’d be able to puzzle out exactly what was going on right now.

“Get the hell outta here. They ain’t interested.” Tommy snapped.

“Just curious as to why we weren’t good enough for these bitches and you were.” The brunet slurred his words. Tommy stood a step in front of Nima who had slid off her bar stool to stand in front of you with her hands on her hips. “What’s so special about you, bub?”

“Ugh. How about the two of you run off to the bathroom and jack each other off, huh? Then leave us the fuck alone.” Nima sneered.

“Shut your damn mouth!”

The blond tried to push past Tommy toward Nima, but Tommy shoved him back immediately. He grabbed the guy by the collar. “You gonna charge at a woman like that? Fuckin' coward.” Tommy’s voice came out in a gravelly growl that reminded you so much of Joel that it was staggering. “You got a problem, you take it up with me.”

The next moment happened fast. The blond tried to swing out at Tommy so Tommy blocked it with his elbow before tackling the man to the ground. The brunet grabbed Nima and wrapped his arms around her. She howled in anger and squirmed in his arms trying to find purchase to hit him. The brunet spun so his back was to you and you slid off the stool. Without pause, without thought, you picked up your empty glass and smashed it to the back of the man’s head. He released Nima, crumpling to the ground with a groan, and any shred of a fight stopped⏤as did the entire bar.

Tommy was kneeling on the ground pinning the blond while Nima stood off to the side.

“Oh my God.” Nima squealed, amused.

“Oh my God.” Tommy blurted, impressed.

“Oh my God.” You gasped, shocked at your own action.

You were panting, damn near hyperventilating, as the brunet began to rise on shaky limbs. Other patrons nearby converged on the scene to help out and before you knew it you were being ushered off to the side where a few couches and seats sat in a lounge area.

“You’re such a badass.” Nima gushed from beside you. "How’s your hand??”

“Hurts.” You mumbled and stared down at the white cloth wrapped around your hand. Bright red was beginning to seep through. The consequences of smashing glass against the back of someone’s skull. Police had shown up and you knew Tommy was across the room talking to them. But still, your eyes stayed glued on your hand. The cuts weren’t terrible but they stung something awful.

“Babe?” You finally looked up and met Nima’s concerned eyes. She nodded, “You alright?”

You shot her a small smile, “Yeah. Are you okay? I can’t believe he grabbed you.”

“I’m fine.” Nima peeked at your hand then stood. “I’m gonna see if this bar has a real first aid kit we can use. Be right back.”

She jumped up and jogged over to the bar. You sunk in your seat with a sigh and leaned your head against the back of the couch. There had been something very sobering about smashing the glass against that guy’s head. The adrenaline and pain cleared any lingering fog from your previous drinks right out of your head. It left room for you to think about Joel. Meeting his brother certainly didn’t help. Tommy clapped one of the officer’s on the shoulder with a smile and they went separate ways. You lifted your head when you heard his footsteps draw near.

“Well, I spoke to the police.” Tommy stuck his hands into his pockets. “You’re not gonna get in trouble for the, you know, the glass. Won’t have to go downtown with ‘em.” You breathed a sigh of relief. Tommy held your gaze for a few more seconds before scrunching his nose and bobbing his head toward you. “And Joel is, uh, on his way.”

You covered your face with your good hand and groaned, “Can I please just be arrested instead?”

“Sorry, no can do.” Tommy sat down beside you. “You know, I didn’t say it earlier, but it’s nice to finally meet you. Joel never shuts up about you.”

“Please. Don’t.” You blurted. “I can’t… I can’t talk about him right now.”

Tommy nodded, “Right. I, uh, when I called him we didn’t talk much.” He laced his fingers together and rested his arms on his knees. “I mentioned you were hurt and things kind of spiraled from there. That’s probably for the best though. I don’t wanna get in between a lover’s quarrel⏤”

“I’m not his lover.” You snapped, and you hated the way your voice cracked. You shook your head, “Not if he’s married. Not…” The adrenaline was beginning to wear off and you were exhausted to your very bones. “This is so fucked up. I never should've agreed to…

Tommy didn’t immediately reply. He sighed, “I don’t know you, and I don’t got the exact details of what’s going on right now, but… I’m glad you agreed.” He turned and met your gaze with a tight smile. “Joel’s been… He’s been better. Joel was in a rut for a long time. So long that I kind of forgot he was in one. For a while, that was just Joel.” Tommy’s smile grew as he chuckled. “But ever since the two of you met, it’s like this weight has been lifted from his shoulders. We’ve all noticed it, and we’re all thankful.”

“He’s married.” You whispered. “And he didn’t tell me.”

Tommy rubbed the back of his neck, “I know, but it’s⏤ it’s not that simple.” He nervously chewed on his lower lip. “Can you just give him a chance to explain?” You flexed your hand and sucked in a sharp breath as pain lanced up your arm. “Consider it a favor for me.”

“A favor for you?” You snorted.

“Yeah. I kept you out of prison, remember?” Tommy joked.

You cracked a smile and Tommy’s smile widened in victory. Nima skipped back over and dropped into the seat on your other side. She pulled your hand into her lap and carefully unpeeled the cloth away. As Nima rewrapped your hand while Tommy criticized her technique and the two bickered over you. You couldn’t help but flex your hand when she finished.

“Come on, pinkie.” Tommy stood. “I’ll take you home.”

“Uh, I am not leaving my girl here alone.”

“Joel will be here soon.”

“Then I’m definitely not leaving her alone!”

You reached out to squeeze her wrist and gave her a reassuring nod, “I’ll be okay. Gotta talk to him eventually, right?”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t have to be right now.” Nima argued. You pulled her into a hug to reassure her once again. Maybe this was a bad idea, but you had just smashed a glass against a guy’s head so the degree of your bad ideas couldn't possibly get worse. Nima sighed and stood up too. “Okay. You’re sure you’re fine?”

Tommy clapped his hands. “Joel’s a few minutes away. But we can stay until he gets here if you want.”

“No.” You shook your head. The thought of being alone for a minute was kind of nice. “You guys go.” Your eyes locked onto Nima. “If you’re okay with him driving you.” You glanced at Tommy. “No offense.”

He held his hands up in surrender and shrugged nonchalantly. Nima nodded, “We survived a bar brawl together. We’re bonded.” She grinned and pulled her strawberry purse around her shoulders. “Plus, worse comes to worse, I can stab him.”

“You can what now?” Tommy questioned.

“You’ve already offered me a ride. It’s too late to back out now.”

“Fine, pinkie.” Tommy waved her to follow.

You watched them go and sunk in your seat. The sounds of the bar was decent background noise, but it wasn’t enough to drown out the noise in your head. You picked at the edges of the gauze wrapped around your hand. Your eyes felt heavy and if you weren’t careful you were going to pass out on this bar couch surrounded by strangers. It was the sound of a crash that startled you back into the moment, and when you looked up from your hand you realized the door had been thrown open hard enough to hit the wall. Joel stood in the doorway panicked and wild eyed. He wore a suit without the tie and his shirt was unbuttoned at the top.

You stayed silent, sinking further into your seat, and watched as Joel’s wide eyes scanned the room. His gaze finally landed on you, doing a double take, and when he realized where you were you saw his shoulders slump in relief. Joel jogged across the room until he was able to kneel down in front of you. Joel’s warm hands found your face, cupping it softly, as he sighed, “Sugar, what the hell is goin' on? Are you okay?” Joel’s eyes studied your face then glanced down at your hand. “Jesus, your hand. Tommy called me. Sugar, I⏤”

“I’m okay.” You whispered, throat growing tight, “I just wanna go home, Joel.”

Joel tensed and he nodded, “Yeah. Alright. Let’s get you home.”

The ride in the truck beside Joel may have been the most awkward and tense ride of your entire life. It was silent. The only sound coming from the road outside. Joel’s hands were white knuckled around the steering wheel. You assumed his tension had something to do with you ghosting him this evening. His truck pulled up outside your apartment complex and your alcohol soaked brain realized not only did you not have your keys but you also no longer had your phone. Both were sitting in Nima’s purse right now.

You opened the door fully prepared to sleep outside your apartment on the welcome mat like a lost dog, but Joel grasped you by the arm cautiously to hold you in place. “You got your key?” You twisted your lips knowing he wasn’t going to fall for a lie. “Where is your key?”

“With Nima.” You mumbled. “She has my phone too.”

Joel sighed and let go of you to instead grab the truck door and shut it. He buckled you back into the seat and began to drive once more. You wanted to ask where he was taking you, but none of the words would come out. You drowned in your indecision while picking at the bandage on your hand. Joel suddenly reached over and lightly pushed your hand away from the injury.

“Stop pickin' at it, sugar.”

“Where are we going?” You blurted.

Joel shifted in his seat, “My place.”

“I don’t wanna go to your place.” You mumbled.

“Don’t care.” Joel replied gruffly and you lifted your head to glare at his side profile.

The tone of his voice stirred something inside you, and you felt the dormant anger start to reawaken. It had gotten buried under everything that happened, but now it was back full fledged. You sat up, “Take me back. I want to go home.”

“You don’t have your key.”

“I don’t care.” You snapped. “Take me home, Joel!”

“You’re comin' to my place where I know you can safely sleep it off, 'nd then tomorrow we’ll figure out how to get ya back into your apartment. Understood?”

You scoffed, “Don’t talk down to me. I’m not a child, Joel.”

“Oh, you’re not?” Joel scoffed. His tone was angry and frustrated. “Cause you’re sure as hell actin' like one.” He shot a glare in your direction before focusing back on the road. “Are you outta your goddamn mind?! Do you know how worried I was?” You crossed your arms and stared out the passenger window. “I don’ hear from you all day long. You disappear on me with no explanation 'nd then I get a call from my baby brother that you’ve been in a bar fight? And that you’re hurt?!” You stayed silent and Joel scoffed. “And now I get the silent treatment? Very mature.”

“You don’t want to argue with me on what’s mature, Joel.” You said, head whipping back to glare at him.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean??”

“You’re a hypocrite!”

“Excuse me?”

You scoffed, “It’s not very mature for a married man to pay a sugar baby for attention.” Joel hit the brakes and the seat belt caught you as the truck screeched to a stop. You glanced out the window to see his truck had reached a neighborhood and the streets were mostly void of other vehicles. When you turned back to Joel, you found him staring at you in a mix of shock and horror. You shook your head, “What was I, Joel? Some kind of midlife crisis?”

Pain could be seen through the horror, and he reached out to grab your wrist again. “No. No, that’s not…” Joel’s voice was hoarse and broken. He whispered your name. “Please. That’s not what this is.”

You tugged your arm away from his grip. “I don’t wanna talk about this right now, Joel. Either start driving again or I’m gonna get out.”

Joel kept his hands to himself as he slowly went back to driving. As if the awkward silence hadn’t been painful before it was downright agonizing now. You were pressing your thumb into the wounds of your palm just to try and keep from crying. Joel pulled into the driveway a few minutes later, and you couldn’t even get your brain to collect a single feature of the house in front of you. Joel jumped out of the truck and you stayed frozen. The passenger door opened but Joel didn’t move to pull you out. He held the top of the door frame and a foot rested on the running board so he could lean in just marginally.

“Sugar…”

“Don’t, Joel.” You said firmly. “Don’t.”

“Please just let me⏤”

“Are you married?”

Joel’s face crumpled in agony and he hung his head, “It’s… It’s not that simple. Just let me⏤”

“It’s a yes or no question.” You shrugged and tried to ignore the tears welling up in your eyes.

Joel looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack. His eyes were squeezed shut, but he still refused to answer. You whispered his name. Finally, he lifted his gaze back to you and opened his mouth. His jaw hung open silently for a second before he could speak. “...Yes.”

You felt the tears lingering at the waterline drip down your cheeks and hastily began to wipe them away with your hands. Joel gasped and began to reach out but when you flinched he held back. He shook his head, “You’re bleedin'.”

The bandage around your hand was soaked with blood, probably from digging your thumb into the wounds, and when you felt your cheek with your fingertips they came back tinted red. You must have smeared it across your face.

“Sugar, let me… let me take you inside.” Joel murmured. “Please. I know you’re… upset, 'nd you have every reason to hate me right now, but… just let me get you inside.” His hand reached out for you once more, but he stopped himself. “You can leave in the mornin', but for tonight just⏤ just let me take care of you. Please.”

You gave a small nod. It felt weak of you, but you reassured yourself that you had little to no other option. Your hand hurt, your head ached, you were exhausted to your very being, and deep down you were torn between wanting to yell and scream or curl into a ball and cry. Joel took a few steps back to allow you to climb down yourself, but when you wavered his arms shot out to try and steady you. Joel herded you toward the front door without actually touching you.

Your eyebrows furrowed when you studied his front porch. The entire front of his house didn’t look like the typical rich LA style you were accustomed to seeing. In fact, his porch and front door reminded you of a quaint farmhouse. Joel unlocked his front door and held it open for you to walk in. Right inside the house, the foyer had an open style with a set of stairs pressed against the wall just up ahead. It opened straight into a large living room that evolved into a dining room with a matching open kitchen to the side. The entire back wall by the kitchen and dining area was made of glass but the back porch lights were off so you couldn’t see the view.

Joel tossed his keys into a bowl sitting on an accent table against the wall right by the door. You glanced over to a little bench built into the wall on the other side beneath a set of bay windows. The rest of his furniture from what you could see was modern and plain. You were drunk off alcohol and misery, but your brain was still able to take the time to note that Joel’s furniture didn’t match what you imagined him to have.

“C’mon.” Joel motioned you up the stairs. He followed after you and when you reached the top of the stairs he pointed to the left. You stepped into the master bedroom and Joel slid in past you moving straight toward the master bath. While he rooted around for something, you glanced around his room. There was a king sized bed sitting in the middle of the room covered in dark green sheets. A window sat on either side of the bed. The wall to the right was where the bathroom door and the closet door sat, but on the left was a single loveseat pushed against the wall. All the furniture was dark brown including the large dresser against the wall by the door and the smaller bedside drawers on either side of the bed under the windows. You drifted toward one of the bedside drawers where a photo was propped up. It was of Joel and two young girls. Joel had shown you enough pictures of Sarah and Ellie for you to recognize them, but in this photo all three of them were significantly younger.

The sound of a throat clearing made you look up to see Joel standing there with a first aid kit in hand. “Sit down for me?” You sat on the side of the bed and Joel sat beside you. He opened the kit then carefully unwrapped your hand. When he saw the three lines haphazardly cut into your palm he let out a soft hiss. “You hurtin' much?”

“It stings some.” You mumbled. He hummed in response and used an alcohol swab to clean up the cuts. Joel did so with soft touches and his eyes flickered to your features every second or so to check in on your status. You locked your jaw to bite back any sounds of pain that tried to slip out.

“They look bad, but I don’ think they’ll need stitches.” Joel thought out loud.

“Good.” You said. Joel grabbed some fresh gauze and began to wrap it around your hand. You studied his features as he focused so intently on the task at hand. His warm gaze was burned into your skin as his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. You had the urge to trace your fingers through the scruff along his jawline. When he finished, he lifted his gaze and his eyes locked with yours. The two of you stared at one another in tense silence. Pain and longing filled his brown eyes, and you wondered if it could somehow just be a reflection of your own. It made no sense for you to both be so miserable right now. “Where is she?”

Joel tensed, “What?”

“Where is your wife?” You asked more firmly.

“Are you sure you wanna get into this tonight?”

“I just want answers, Joel.” You sighed. “I need something. My mind has been a mess since we left Vegas.” Joel’s face crumpled as he closed his eyes with a sigh. “Yo-yo told me I wasn’t your first sugar baby and then she said you were married to your first sugar baby.” The words were falling out like pouring water now. “And then Nima has a cousin who has a cousin who has a friend or something that was able to find your marriage certificate⏤”

Joel murmured your name in reverence and opened his eyes. He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you from the start. That way there’d be no miscommunication or confusion. I meant to. But… I kept puttin' it off 'nd it got to the point where too much time had passed…” Joel hesitantly reached out for you and when you didn’t shy away he settled his hand on your arm. “I did have a sugar baby before you. It’s a… long story, but I am not married to her.”

Your eyebrows furrowed, “You didn’t marry her?”

“No. Absolutely not. She was… Like I said, it’s a long story.” Joel squeezed your arm. “One that I promise to tell you. In the mornin', when you’re not half drunk 'nd half hungover all at once.”

“Then who the hell are you married to, Joel?”

“I… I am technically still married to Celina.” Joel finally spat the words out. You shook your head in confusion. The name was foreign to you, but Joel heaved another sigh and added, “Sarah’s mom.”

taglist (closed):

@weddingfairy @bfences @jasminedragon @biwitchy @huffle-punk @shelbyteller @anoverwhelmingdin @aheadfullofsteverogers @stagerightlauren @basicoccult @boofy1998 @farintonorth @thepascalofus @amatis-gray @casa-boiardi @northernbluess @jettia @sapphicsoie @spidey-3 @hrtsforpascal @gingersince97 @sentients17 @bigboiseason123 @lunxramour @ktheunready @heyheyheygaypay @keepingupwiththeskywalkers @adoringanakin @come-hell-or-eldren-fire @cherriebat @whitewolfstar01 @alyssa121611 @asreadbyaj @painfullyandprettypoetic @cantobightcafe @str84pedro

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