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whatsk-poppinhomies · 2 years

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𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐬 𝐓𝐨 𝐊𝐚𝐢

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 : 𝐘𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐣𝐮𝐧 𝐱 𝐈𝐝𝐨𝐥!𝐅!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 : 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭/𝐅𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐬𝐡

𝐓𝐖 : 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭 ; 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 ; 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐩𝐬 ; 𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐞𝐬??𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 ; 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐝 ;

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 𝟏𝟗.𝟑𝐤

𝐀/𝐍 : 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡, 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐈'𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐭 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈'𝐝 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐜, 𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐤𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐧𝐝, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈'𝐦 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝. 𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞? 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐬 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐈'𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐜, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈'𝐦 𝐬𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈'𝐦 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝, 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐭. 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐲 𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞-𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈'𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐢𝐭. <𝟑 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 <𝟑

The new girl group signed under BigHit, it was going to be exciting, everyone was ready for it. All of the hype that had been built up around the debut of the group was phenomenal and everyone was waiting with anticipation to see the members of the new group, the faces behind what could be the next big girl group in k-pop.

Waiting and waiting… and then the introductions dropped. Everyone loved the members, everyone loved you. Days passed, and then the group introduction video was released, just as the videos had come with the band that came before you, the band that you had yet to meet.

While everyone was getting excited, theorizing what kind of songs you and your group would put out, the sound that you’d have, you and the other members in your group were going through rigorous training. The dances had to be perfect, your vocals had to be top notch to match with the sounds produced by the other groups under the label. Such a high standard was set, and you couldn’t help but wonder if your group would fall before it even got a chance to take off.

Worry on top of worry, aches and pains in your back and your legs from the dances that had to be on par with everyone else’s, dance routines that had you and the other girls in your group lying on the floor panting for air, thanking whatever you could think of for the little break that you were receiving. It was exhausting, but you had signed up for it, you had agreed to it, and although at the time you were blinded by the bright lights that led you down the path to potential stardom, you wondered if it was all worth it.

With the release of your group's first mini album came a lot of praise, but also a lot of hate. “Unoriginal” “Just another girl group that sounds just like the rest” “BigHit could have chosen a better selection of girls, they’re not even pretty”. It seemed like the negative comments outweighed the positive, or maybe it was just the fact that your eyes were glued to the negative comments, almost as if you were seeking them out.

“They hate us…” The leader of your group mumbled under her breath as she slammed her laptop shut, sliding it across the coffee table until it teetered on the edge, her face in her hands as she slumped over herself. “We’re never going to be able to compete with the guys. What’s the point of having a girl group under the label anyway?” She wasn’t exactly wrong, she was speaking the same thoughts that you had had so many times, but seeing the way her words affected the other members of the group made you wish that she had kept those thoughts to herself just as you did. “How much harder are we supposed to practice? How much more are we supposed to do to make people happy?” She grumbled, and you knew exactly how she felt, but the more she spoke, the more hopeless she was making the other girls feel and they didn’t need that, not right now, not at all.

You shook your head, sucking back the urge to agree with her, forcing a smile on your face although you had read all the same comments she had. “We can’t let these comments hold us back, we can’t let them affect us like this.” You took on the role of leader for just a moment, trying to spread a little bit of hope through the small dorm living room that you all were sitting in. “We’re not the first group that’s ever gotten hate, and we definitely aren’t going to be the last. If we give up now, that’ll be too easy for them. It’ll prove them right. We’re not going to give up, we’re going to keep going and we’re going to put out more albums, and if they continue to hate us then so what, but we’re not even giving them… we’re not giving us a chance to even be liked.” The last thing you planned on doing today was giving your group a TED talk, but it seemed like your little speech was raising the hopes of the other girls in the room.

It would mean more practicing, nights spent in the practice room of the building even later than you were before. Singing until your throat was sore, dancing until your legs felt like jelly and your clothes were drenched in sweat. Working until the practice room became more of a home to you and the other girls than your actual dorm was. It would be exhausting, but it would be worth it, because even though you were tired, even though you were questioning whether you still wanted to do this yourself, the other girls wanted this and you didn’t want to ruin their dreams.

“You all are here before we come into the office, and you’re still working when we leave for the night… Are you guys okay?” Huening Kai stood in the doorway of the practice room, his face wrinkled into one of worry as he watched you and the other three members of the group bent over yourselves, hands on your knees as you all tried to catch your breath. “Maybe you all should take a break. It’s okay to take a break sometimes.” He said, although it sounded more like he was urging it instead of requesting. “Come on, we’re going down to the lunchroom to eat, you all should come too.”

Neither you or the other girls had ever actually spoken to any of the members in TXT before, and while everyone had their reasons for not talking to them, the main reason that was shared among all of you was that you were all just nervous around them, the guys seemed almost superior to you and the girls. They had so many fans, they were loved internationally, they were perfect, and being under the same label as not only them but BTS as well, it made all of you feel inferior. You were sure that they, or, at least most of them didn’t actually feel that way, but you couldn’t really keep yourself from thinking those types of things when you’d catch one of their vlives and see how many people were watching in comparison with your own or one of the other girls.

Of course, you all had a long way to go. Being a girl group under a label that has had only boy groups, two successful boy groups at that, it was a lot on your shoulders, and you were sure that anyone else in your shoes would feel the same way. “Do you want to go down and get lunch with them?” Your leader asked breathlessly after Huening Kai had left, still trying to calm down from the dance routine that you all had just gone through for what felt like the billionth time. Everyone’s eyes in the room dropped, like they were ashamed or embarrassed, and you could almost read on their faces the way that they felt. They felt like they weren’t worthy of even being in the same building as them, let alone eating in the same lunchroom. “Alright, we can just go for lunch when we’re sure that they’ve left.” Huening Kai had already left, his offer lingering in the doorway that he had just been standing in.

You felt the same way, you had the same worries and the same fears of being looked down on by the already much more famous bands, but just like before, you couldn’t let the other girls think that way. It was one thing for you to feel like that, but you hated to see the other girls visibly feeling the way you did. “How about I just go down and bring lunch up for us, or maybe… Maybe they’ll call me over to their table and ask where all of you are. I’ll scope it out.” Martyrdom, that’s what what you were doing could be described as, sacrificing yourself just for the sake of your group members, for the sake of your sisters so they wouldn’t have to go through the potential embarrassment of being rejected or cast out.

“Don’t do that…” Taeun whispered, and it almost sounded like she was scared of what would happen to you, it was what you’d expect to hear from someone if you were about to walk into the line of fire and not just a lunchroom filled with other staff members and fellow group members. “We don’t have to eat yet, we have to keep up with our diet anyway.” The excuse that came from her only tore at your heart more. She was young, not the youngest, but she carried the role of the maknae with how innocent and sweet she was. She cared way too much, and you could remember when she was chosen from the multitude of trainees to debut with you and your other two group members. She was a sweetheart, and her heart was filled with love for you and her other members that she already looked at as her sisters.

The last thing you wanted was to see her get hurt if the guys ignored you or looked at you strangely, that’s why you were willing to go down there yourself. “Don’t worry, it’s just to get lunch. We need to eat or we won’t have any energy at all. Just text me what you all want to eat and I’ll bring it up.” Her eyebrows scrunched together with worry and you forced a giggle to try to ease her mind, shaking your head and waving your hand in the air, motioning for her not to worry. “I’m going to be fine. What’s the worst that’ll happen?”

Some questions were better left unasked, and that’s something that you realized when you had finally made your way down to the lunchroom, a task that, in itself, was difficult. The building was huge and you found yourself lost more than once. The map on the wall was hard to understand, but once you had finally made it, you thought that it would have been better to stay lost.

The lunchroom was massive, but it seemed like you were spotted instantly, Huening Kai running over to meet you at the entrance to the lunchroom that you hadn’t even stepped foot into before today. “You finally made it! Where’s everyone else?” He asked, looking behind you and around the lunchroom before his eyes landed back on you. His smile was wide, and it gave you a small sense of reassurance that maybe you and the other girls were overthinking, that everything would be okay. “You can still invite them down if you want… Our table is over there…” He pointed in the direction of where he had been sitting, the other four members of the group were already there. Almost all of them were focused on the apparent conversation that was being had, but one in particular was looking at you, not just looking though, it almost seemed like he was glaring at you, but you weren’t sure why.

“Oh uhm… I’m just going to grab our lunches and take them back up to the practice room.” The look that you were receiving from the member at the table had you feeling like you had just been knocked down to size. You were but a small crumb of a massive company that was putting out insanely popular groups. You were just a speck of dust and you felt like you could be swept away at any moment. “Thank you for offering though.” You nodded your head to him, forcing a small smile as you tried to brush by him as politely as you possibly could.

He didn’t follow you over to where you stood in line to order the food, pulling your phone out to read through the text that had the list of what the girls wanted to eat. You were sure that he was done trying to talk to you, and while you knew that you had most likely made a fool of yourself for not having the courage to go over to the table where they sat, you would have felt like a bigger fool if you had gone over there just to potentially be patronized or crapped on for not being on their level. “Do you need help carrying any of that up?” The voice came from beside you as you walked through the line, and you slowly lifted your head to see Huening Kai standing there, but it wasn’t just him, it was Beomgyu as well, both of them beaming at you.

It shocked you, but not as much as it would have if any of the other members had gone up to you. Out of everyone, you had the feeling that those two would have been the nicest and you hadn’t been wrong. “You’re Y/N… from the new girl group… right?” Beomgyu asked, the sound of excitement in his voice didn’t exactly fill you with pride like it should have, but you were glad to know that he knew your group, and that he seemed happy enough with it to have that type of tone when speaking about it. “I listened to your debut album, all of it, it’s so good. Your sound is amazing and we're all really looking forward to seeing you debut on stage. We’ll be watching.” While you were sure that he was being earnest in what he said, you just couldn’t really believe that they’d all be watching, especially Yeonjun, who was still glaring at you with what could only be described as disdain, or maybe even disgust, although you still weren’t quite sure why, and you were fairly certain that neither of them knew or would tell you even if they did.

“Well… You don’t have to… We’re just going to eat fast and go back to practicing anyway. I wouldn’t want you to feel like you’re wasting your time.” You murmured, taking one step closer to where you’d place your order. “I really do appreciate the offer though.” You added on quickly at the end so you wouldn’t sound rude. You truly did appreciate the kindness that they were extending towards you, but you weren’t just looking out for yourself, you were looking out for the other girls and you didn’t want to put them in the position where they felt awkward around the guys.

Kais smile fell slightly as he shrugged in defeat. “Maybe another time then? Soobin and Taehyun really wanted to meet you all and, they’re just too shy to actually come over and talk to you and ask. I’ll let them know.” To hear that the other two also wanted to meet your group, that was a shock, it was a piece of information that you never thought you’d actually learn, especially not from someone so close to the source. If you had heard it from anyone else you would have said they were lying, but there was no reason for Kai to lie about his own members like that, right?

Soobin and Taehyun, Beomgyu and Huening Kai, they all wanted to meet you and the other girls. Out of all of them, there was only one name that you still hadn’t heard, and that was Yeonjun. Were you really going to let one of the members affect how close you got with another band? That would be the support that you and the girls needed to get through the tough periods, it would be emotionally and mentally uplifting to know that members of such a famous group were behind you, to know that they supported you. “Let me text them… See if they’re up for it.” You practically whispered, like your nerves had taken hold of your vocal cords and you were barely able to speak. You hadn’t been expecting it, and you were sure that the girls would feel just as shocked as you did right now. You needed to give them the time that you didn’t have to prepare to meet them. If they agreed to it, they’d appreciate it.

It didn’t take long for the girls to agree to meeting the guys, as if their moods had made a complete 180, they were all on board and you could see through their messages alone how excited they were for this opportunity. You on the other hand were shaking with nerves having the five of them following behind you as you made your way up to the practice room. Beomgyu and Huening Kai were carrying a few of the bags of food that you had gotten, and they were all talking amongst themselves about things that you couldn’t really tune into because the only sound you could hear clearly was the sound of your own heart beating.

You were able to find your practice room pretty quickly with the help of the guys, and as soon as they were in the room, it was like there was never any awkwardness or shyness or nervousness about a situation like this at all. The girls were naturals at being friendly and making it seem like the only reason they didn’t go down to the cafeteria was because they were tired from all of the dancing. It was crazy to think that not even thirty minutes ago, Taeun was worried about you being in the same room as Huening Kai and the rest of the guys, and now she and the other girls were hitting it off with all of them… well, almost all of them.

Yeonjun stood off to the side, his arms crossed over his chest as he looked over the interactions that were taking place, the familiar look of disgust practically plastered to his face. His eyes glazed over the room until they met yours, narrowing just enough before turning on his heel and heading towards the door. You were so sure that he was leaving, and you weren’t sure whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, but when he paused in the doorway to look back at you, you realized that he wasn’t actually leaving, he just wanted to talk to you.

Why was it you? Why were you the one that had to deal with the most awkward and stomach turning situations? How was it that you hadn’t been picked as the leader for the group? Not that it mattered much, you knew that at the end of the day, Hwanyoo was the best choice for leader, but damn you wished she was here to take the cold stares that were being shot in your direction by Yeonjun, you wished that it had been her that was walking out of that door with him instead of yourself. “Is there… something wrong?” You asked nervously, your fingers rolling over each other as you clasped your hands in front of you. His eyes felt so cold, and you couldn’t for the life of you understand what you could have done to possibly make him so angry.

“We worked hard to get where we’re at. I don’t want our reputation to be tarnished just for talking to you. Word spreads, and it spreads fast, especially in this industry.” He had to be joking, did he really think that lowly of you and the girls, so lowly that simply associating with the four of you would dampen the career that they had built? “You all are trying, and I respect that, but all of the work that you’re putting in isn’t getting you the results that this company likes to see. I don’t want to acquaint myself with a group that won’t make it far past debut anyway, and I’m just trying to protect me and the guys that I’ve watched work for this way longer than you have.”

It was like a gut punch, a smack in the face, a kick in the stomach. It was like his words were beating the crap out of you and all you wanted was to go run to the nearest bathroom and throw up and cry. It wasn’t warranted, what he said, it wasn’t necessary in the least, yet here he was saying all these things that you had already worried over for so long. You thought that you were finally getting somewhere, like you and your group were finally getting noticed by the big guys, by the bands that had already worked so hard and continue to work. You thought that your group was finally going to get recognized for all the work that you all put in, but instead you were just being told a little more of the same. “I didn’t tell them to come to the practice room. I didn’t ask them… They wanted to. You didn’t have to come.” You wanted it to sound like a retaliation, but instead you just sounded upset, weak, like your dreams had just been smashed right in front of you, and they had.

“Well sadly, the rest of the girls in there have what it takes…” You felt his eyes look you over, and you already felt it coming, what would be the final nail in the coffin, the words that would have you giving up and quitting. You never thought of yourself to be a quitter, you always tried to persevere and make it through whatever challenges life threw at you, but this was different. Your perseverance in this case could potentially hold the rest of the girls back from reaching their goals, from achieving their dreams. You couldn’t be selfish. “I’m not trying to be rude, but your dances are lacking the same energy the rest of your group has. I’ve watched your vlive streams, and you have significantly less viewers than the other girls do. There’s a time for giving up… I’ll just leave it at that.”

He never went back into the practice room, he never waited for your response, instead he turned around and headed back to wherever he needed to be. It was almost comical how he had said he wasn’t trying to be rude but then followed it up with shattering every single dream you had in what could only be looked at as the rudest way possible. Did he mean well? You weren’t so sure, and while you were standing in the hallway fighting back tears, it surely didn’t feel like he had meant well at all. How were you supposed to walk back into a practice room filled with happy people when you had just had your star stomped out before it even had the chance to burn as bright as it could have? How were you going to look them all in the face and even attempt to fake a smile after what you had been told. It seemed impossible, everything seemed impossible now.

But you couldn’t stand out in the hallway forever, you couldn’t just let yourself give up that easily. You could walk in there with your head held low and tell everyone your goodbyes before going back to the dorms and packing your things up and leaving for good, but you wouldn’t. You’d prove to him, and you’d prove to yourself that you were good enough. If there was a problem with what you were doing, surely your managers would let you know. You hadn’t been kicked out of the group yet, and you definitely weren’t going to be the one giving yourself the boot. He was right, there is a time for giving up, but right now isn’t that time.

“Is everything okay?” Beomgyu asked as you walked past him through the practice room. You had been trying to avoid him, trying to avoid everyone as you made your way to the bathroom that was on the far side of the room. You didn’t want him or anyone for that matter to see just how upset you were, even though you had said you weren’t going to give up, that didn’t mean that what Yeonjun had said didn’t hurt.

His hand waved in front of your face to try to get you out of the zoned out state you were in, a small chuckle emanating from him as you finally came back to reality, although it wasn’t a reality that you actually wanted to come back to in the first place. “Yeah, I’m fine.” You lied through a fake smile, hoping that he’d just take your answer and let you go on your way, but you were easier to read than a picture book, and he picked up on your mood as soon as you had spoken.

With a tilted head and softened eyes he looked at you, trying to figure out what the problem could be without having to actually ask you, but it proved to be more difficult as your eyes darted around the room in an attempt to not make any eye contact with him and hoping that no one else would come over and start asking questions. “No, really… Weren’t you out there talking to Yeonjun? Did something happen?”

You inhaled quickly, the maneuver causing you to breathe in the saliva that had built up on your tongue. Coughing loudly, your eyes watering from the force of it, you backed away as you shook your head, your hands held out in front of you. “Nothing… I’m fine… Really.” You gasped out in between fits of coughing spells that you couldn’t seem to control, walking backwards towards the bathroom, everyone’s eyes glued to you just like you had tried to prevent.

The guys had been going down to visit the new girl group so often that the only time he actually did see them was during their own practice and recording sessions. He was sure that they’d get caught hanging out together, that at some point the carelessness would backfire and they’d end up as another scandal that the reporters could put out. He expected better from Soobin, the one who was supposed to be the leader of the group, yet he was suckered in just as much as the other guys were. He just couldn’t understand it, he didn’t know what could be so intriguing about all the girls anyway. There were a ton of girl groups, what could possibly be so good about this one?

It had been weeks since they all started hanging out, it had been weeks since he had told Y/N what he had, and while he didn’t feel that what he had said was exactly wrong, now that he thought back on it, he could see how it could have been upsetting, but he meant well. There was nothing wrong with warning someone of what could potentially happen, and maybe, just maybe what he said wouldn’t happen, maybe she’d do better than all the other girls in her group, he wasn’t sure, but what he said could have been the push she needed to go in that direction.

“Man…” Soobin sighed as he fell back onto the couch next to Yeonjun, him and the rest of the guys having just come back from hanging out with the girls yet again. “I don’t know what’s up with Y/N… The girls have been saying that she’s acting differently.” Yeonjun hummed quietly, feeling like he knew exactly why she was acting that way, but he couldn’t be 100 percent sure. “I mean, we haven’t known her that long, but the girls say that they’re pretty worried about her, like it feels like she’s giving up.” Soobin shook his head, tsking his tongue as he did. “I hope she’s not, she’s really good at what she does.”

Yeonjun narrowed his eyes at the leader of his own group, wondering where all of this was coming from. By the sound of it, it almost seemed like Soobin had some sort of crush on her or something, and while that shouldn’t bother him, for some reason it did. “What do you mean? Have you been watching her practice or something?” He asked, trying not to sound upset or make it seem like he was jealous because those were two things that he absolutely wasn’t. There was no reason for him to even feel those ways, not after what he had said to her, but he couldn’t really help it.

Soobin shrugged, leaning back into the couch to fully relax. “Sometimes… I mean, when I get the chance to, I try to check in and see how they’re doing.” If Yeonjun hadn’t been looking at him, he would have thought that what he had said was true, and while it was probably partly the truth, he could see that Soobin was blushing a little, his eyes wavering as if he didn’t want to make any sort of eye contact.

For some reason, a reason that he still couldn’t make sense of, seeing Soobin react like that had him irritated. He knew that there was something more in the reasoning behind Soobin stopping in to watch them practice, and he was hell bent on getting to the bottom of it. “You like one of them, don’t you? You have a little crush on one of the girls?” It was a basic question, no names were said, he wanted to hear from Soobin himself who it was, if any, that he might like.

The leader of the group chuckled sheepishly, running his hand through his hair as he looked over at Yeonjun. “Don’t say anything to the guys… The only reason I’m even telling you is because you don’t come with us… They'd tell her the first chance they get…” Yeonjun was becoming impatient with the explanations, nodding his head quickly to try to urge Soobin to just spill it. “I mean, I don’t really talk to her a lot, I say hi and she says hi back, that’s about it… But every time I see her walk into the room it’s like I can’t take my eyes off of her. I get so nervous around her, and when I get to see her dance… Or when she’s singing… I could listen to her sing for hours. She’s just so beautiful, and I hope that she isn’t actually giving up… maybe she’s just sick or something.” Yeonjun didn’t need a name at this point for him to know exactly who Soobin was talking about, he knew it was about Y/N, and now that he knew, his irritation only grew.

“So… what are you going to do about that though?” Yeonjun asked, trying to get a feel for what his leader might do now. It wasn’t right for him to feel nervous about what might happen next, and he surely shouldn’t feel jealous either. Everything that he was feeling right now was completely irrational, that he was well aware of, and Soobin had every right to feel the way he did about her, and Yeonjun had no right to try to intervene or ruin whatever might come to be, but that didn’t change the fact that the thought of you being with Soobin made him feel sick. It wasn’t even the kind of sick that he was used to feeling either, it was the kind of sick that made his stomach turn with anxiety, wondering if he had blown his chance before he even thought that he had one.

Soobin shrugged, a hint of a smile pulling at his cheeks, completely unaware of the feelings that were brewing within his friend that sat right beside him, absolutely oblivious to what was going on in Yeonjuns head right now. “I’m not sure right now. Maybe I’ll ask her to go get coffee with me one day, just so that the two of us can be alone together, then maybe we can talk. I’d really like to find out if she’s alright.” He was so caring, so kind, and Yeonjun knew that even if the potential coffee date didn’t really go as planned, Soobin wouldn’t be that upset about it, and that in the long run, Soobin truly cared about how she was feeling.

That didn’t mean that Yeonjun didn’t feel any less threatened, which in itself was a foolish way to feel considering she wasn’t even his and she most likely wouldn’t even want to be his anyway, it didn’t change the way he felt. “I don’t know… Taking her to coffee? That might catch some attention with people, you wouldn’t want anything to come out, would you?” It seemed so hypocritical now, to use the reason that he himself didn’t want to be seen with her as a reason to keep Soobin away. It wasn’t to be mean, it wasn’t to try to take Soobins chance away from him either… Yeonjun just wanted to give himself a fair chance, the slightest opportunity to try to get to know you, to try to apologize for what he had said before.

“You’re right…” Soobin reluctantly agreed after a moment of thought, his fingers drumming on his knees as he tried to think of the next best course of action. “Maybe I’ll just take her to the lunch room, we can get coffee there. I really just want to be alone with her, I want to talk to her without the guys breathing down my neck. I’m sure you understand.” He chuckled quietly, and it was completely unknown to him just how much Yeonjun understood. The same tactic would be deployed by Yeonjun himself to get her away from not only the other guys, but from Soobin himself.

Laying in bed later that night, his phone vibrated with the notification from VLIVE, she was on now, and as embarrassing as it might seem, he always watched her streams. It didn’t start just now either, he had been watching them since the beginning. Everything that he had said to her, it wasn’t all true, most of it was completely false to be honest. From the beginning, her personality was bright and sunny, and while he could see that she was kind of shy in front of the camera, it was only to be expected from someone just starting out. After what he had said to her though, it seemed like her cute, innocent personality turned to one of completely shut in, barely even talking unless she was answering comments. What was worse was that since her personality shift, the comments had only gotten worse, most of them asking if one of the other girls could take over the stream.

He wouldn’t allow those comments to break her down, not anymore at least. With the thought of Soobin in the back of his head, he felt the need to protect her, even if from the sidelines. His sudden urge to be the one to cheer her up, to bring some sort of smile to her face when everyone else seemed to want to tear her down. He was sure that Soobin wasn’t doing something like that, he was sure that Soobin wasn’t even watching the stream having heard him and Beomgyu in the other room playing video games.

With her stream pulled up on his phone screen, her took a moment to look at her, to see her in a different light, to see her the way that Soobin saw her. It didn’t take much and it didn’t take long for his vision to seemingly change either. Her hair was pulled up into a loose bun on the top of her head, loose strands tucked behind her ear and her face completely bare of any makeup. She looked comfortable, but at the same time, he could see from the look on her face as she read the comments that were streaming in that she was uncomfortable. It took no less than a second for him to glance down at the comments and find the reason for the upset look on her face, and sadly she was alone for this stream, none of her other members were there to tell her that all of the comments that were blatantly trying to put her down were all wrong. That’s where he came in though, because he might have been the initial cause for the sadness that could be seen in her eyes, he’d be damned if someone else was going to continue making you feel that way.

He’ll never once state that he’s the best man for her because a better man would have gone to her himself and apologized for what he did and he was just too scared to do it out of fear that she’d reject him, and why wouldn't she? If he were faced with the person that had basically told him to quit before even taking off, he’d tell them to go take a walk and never come back. That’s why he was doing what he was doing now, finding a way to be there for her without actually having to face her. It was cowardly, he’d outright admit that, but at least he wasn’t being an asshole.

Reading through the comments was probably the hardest part for him, seeing what people were saying, seeing that they didn’t even seem half as bad as what he had said, at least in his mind he saw it that way. The way those comments made her look, the way they seemed to take any trace of happiness from her eyes… Is that the way that she looked when he was saying all of his nonsense, and if so, why hadn’t he noticed?

“Idk why you were picked for the group, you’re not even pretty.” “Why does she even still do VLIVES when she knows that no one wants to watch her??” The comments were blood boiling, and he wanted nothing more than to reach through the screen and grab up the person that was writing those things about her. They needed to have some sense shaken into them, they needed to see that not only was she gorgeous, but to him, she was the prettiest one in the entire group. He couldn’t reach through the screen though, he couldn’t shake sense into them, but he could see that the comments were only bringing her down more, and if he couldn’t get the other commenters to shut up, he’d have to lift her spirits himself.

With rapid fingers moving across the keyboard of his laptop that was propped up on his lap, he started writing his comment, doing his best to keep his anger in check, making sure that the comment focused solely on her. “I think she’s absolutely gorgeous, and I watch all of her VLIVES. Anyone who doesn’t think the same way shouldn’t be here anyway. If you’re planning on being an asshole then you can just leave.” He wrote, proud of himself for not going off completely although it was hard as hell to keep control of his emotions.

Her eyes seemed to scan across the comment section and he could have sworn he saw a sparkle and the hint of a smile pulling at her lips as she did, undoubtedly reading his comment, or at least that’s what he had hoped. She never acknowledged the comment though, instead going on and talking about what her and her group had coming up. Even if she didn’t acknowledge the comment, he could hear a new found sense of confidence in her voice as she talked, her head seemed to be held higher, she was sitting up straighter, she sounded proud of the work that her and her group were doing. He loved hearing it, he loved knowing that he was the reason for that new attitude that she had, but he was split on just how proud he should feel of himself, knowing that he was the reason behind the way she had felt in the first place.

“Hey, we’re heading out. The girls wanted us to meet them for breakfast before we had to practice. Do you want me to bring you back something?” Soobin asked, the rest of the guys already out the door, Soobin was standing in the threshold, one foot already out as he gripped the doorknob, expecting Yeonjuns answer, ready to close the door behind him and leave his hyung behind while he and the rest went out to meet up with the girls.

What Soobin, what neither of them expected, was for Yeonjun to get up off the couch and slip on the nearest pair of shoes and start walking towards the door. “I can go with you all.” Yeonjun stated surely, well aware of the puzzled looks he was getting from the rest of his members. It’s not that he had ever told them specifically that he didn’t like hanging out with them, and none of them had ever heard of what he had said to Y/N, but they could sense the irritation that he used to have whenever they’d leave to hang out with all of the girls, the sense of disregard that he had towards all of them. It didn’t take much for them to pick up on it, so to see him so willingly coming along when he had been offered breakfast was shocking to say the least.

Yeonjun could see that Soobin was internally panicking too, and he knew that the reason for that inner panic was the fact that Yeonjun was the only one that knew about Soobins feelings, Yeonjun was the only one that could ruin what Soobin was planning, and as messed up as it seemed, that’s exactly why Yeonjun was going. “Are you sure? I can bring your breakfast back to you, you don’t even have to pay me back.” The leader said hesitantly, glancing between Yeonjun and the other three members who only seemed to grow more and more confused, especially with the way that Soobin was acting. “You don’t have to come with us.”

He nodded in understanding, grabbing his jacket off the hook and slinging it over his shoulder as he moved past Soobin to stand with the rest of the guys in the hallway, smiling almost too proudly as he looked to his leader. “I know I don’t have to, but I want to. So where are we meeting them?” He asked, and the irritation that was radiating off of Soobin was almost palpable, but it didn't seem like the other members picked up on it as well as he did, offering up the location of the meet up as Soobin pulled the door shut and locked it, stalking forward without another word as they made their was to the front door of the building.

Sitting at the table in the Hybe cafeteria, you shared in the conversations, adding in little bits and pieces where you could, but you mainly listened to what the leader was saying. For the first time in a while you felt happy, you felt proud to be part of the group and you felt like you really belonged. It’s not that any of them had ever given you the slightest feeling that you didn’t belong in the group with them, it was quite the opposite actually, but after the conversation that you had with Yeonjun you couldn’t help but doubt yourself. It was almost pitiful, the fact that one small comment on your VLIVE stream was enough to have you feeling this way, but after so much hate surrounding you, the smallest little thing was enough to have you feeling like you were on cloud nine. In your mind, there was someone who liked you, there was someone who thought that you did belong, and that one person was enough to give you a sense of hope that maybe at some point they’d come around. That was all you needed.

You’d occasionally glance up at the doorway, waiting for the guys to show up. You never would have thought that you and your group would end up so close to them, at least the four that actually came around, but they had become such a staple in your path to debut and every step you and your group took afterwards that you couldn’t imagine a day without them. They came to visit almost every single day, even if it was for a split second just to pop their heads in the room and tell you and the girls how well you all were doing. They were always there, and you were beyond grateful for it because you weren’t sure how you would have made it without the guys there to help take your mind off of the things that were bothering you, or to keep you from giving up when things got too hard. They cheered you on, they seemed like your group's biggest fans, and sometimes you thought they really were. When it felt like the rest of the world was against you and saying you’d never make it, the guys were always there to get you back on your feet and tell you that you were going to make it, especially Soobin.

Just as the thought of him had come into your mind, he had walked through the door of the cafeteria, his presence only boosting the happiness that you already felt. His smile grew as he spotted you at the table, and you instinctively got up to run to him, your arms outstretched to hug him as he always did when he saw you. The shock on his face at the fact that you were the first to do it today was comical, and as you reached him and wrapped your arms around his waist, you couldn’t stifle the giggle that had been building in your throat. “You’re in a really good mood today…” He pointed out what seemed to be obvious, at least it was obvious to you and the rest of the girls, but he seemed to be a little shocked by it, although in a good way. “Did you already order your breakfast, or…” He began the question, but you quickly shook your head, pulling away from him to look up and see the bright red blush that dusted his dimpled cheeks.

“We were waiting for you and the guys to get here.” You said, wearing a smile that matched his own, a smile that fell instantaneously when you saw that Yeonjun was standing right behind Soobin. It had been two months since he had talked to you, two months since you had last seen him. It always seemed like he would avoid you and the rest of the girls when you’d all pass each other in the hallways of the building, and you had come to assume that he wouldn’t grow to like you or your group the way the rest of the guys did, and that’s why you were so confused about him being there today. “Uhm…” You hummed out, trying not to act too bothered by his presence, instead heading over to the counters to order food with Soobin following behind you. “Do you know what you want to eat?” You asked, hoping that your voice didn’t give away just how nervous you were to have the oldest member of the boy group around.

As much as you hoped your nervous demeanor wouldn’t be picked up on, Soobin wasn’t one to overlook even the smallest change, especially when it came to you. “Are you alright? You’re acting differently now…” He was always one to point out those things, and you weren’t sure why you had thought for even a second that it would get past him, but you simply nodded, hoping that your silent answer would be enough for him. “Hmm…Well… Do you want to sit down? I can order the food if you’d like. Maybe we can… sit at our own table today… just the two of us…?” He seemed so shy now, and while you would have thought more into it any other day, you couldn’t think about much of anything other than Yeonjuns eyes which seemed to be boring into you as you stood in line with the leader.

Almost robotically, you nodded your head and backtracked out of the line to start looking for a table, which wasn’t the biggest dilemma. The amount of empty tables were vast, especially with it being so early in the morning, what was the real problem was the fact that Yeonjun seemed to be watching every single move you made. You knew that you were the only one to notice it too, what with the girls being preoccupied by the rest of the guys at the main table and Soobin at the counter ordering the breakfast. In that moment, it seemed like you and Yeonjun were the only ones who noticed each other in the entire room.

You hoped that he wouldn’t actually follow you, you hoped that he’d stay where he was next to the main table. You were hoping for a lot of things, and you didn’t even take a look back as you started walking towards one of the empty tables in the very far back to make sure he wasn’t following you. The worst part was that your day had started out perfectly, you had gotten such a sweet comment on your VLIVE that stuck with you all night into the morning, and you’d be damned if he’d show up on this day just to ruin it again. His timing was impeccably awful, you could say that much.

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” His voice was soft as he stood beside the table, not inviting himself to sit down yet, although you knew that if you said yes he’d most likely do just that. “It won’t take long, I just feel like maybe we got off on the wrong foot… And that was entirely my fault.” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at such an obvious statement, but for some reason, a part of you wanted to hear what he had to say, you wanted to hear his reasons for why he was so rude to you, if that’s what all this was about in the first place. With a heavy sigh, you nodded your head, motioning for him to sit across from you at the table, and he quickly obliged.

For some reason he seemed nervous, which didn’t seem much like him at all. The Yeonjun that you were familiar with was confident, outright and forthcoming, at least that was the Yeonjun that you had gotten to know from that one day that you had talked to him. Now, as you sat across from him, his leg bounced under the table anxiously, his hand was running through his hair nervously, and his eyes darted around the room that was otherwise empty aside from your two groups. “I don’t want an apology if that’s what you came over here to do. I’m over it…” You said, hoping that your words would pop the invisible bubble that seemed to encompass the two of you, the bubble that was filled with tension and nerves that were on edge. “And if it makes you feel better, you were right. I don’t have what it takes, and I’m not nearly as good as the rest of them… My streams are only getting more hate now that we’ve finally debuted. I haven’t told the girls, and I’m not telling the guys yet… But… I’m sure you’ll be happy to know that I think it’s that time.”

You had been holding it in for so long that a part of you was happy to have Yeonjun around, someone that you could actually break the news to. You had expected his reaction, at least you thought that you knew what was coming, but instead of the “I told you so” that you thought was coming, instead you were looked at with eyes filled with shock, his mouth hanging open only to emphasize the look he was giving you. “What?!” His eyes blinked rapidly, his head shaking just as fast. “No… That’s not… I was wrong. I was never right and I shouldn’t have said what I did. I was trying so hard to protect the guys and myself, I was stupid, okay? Your group is doing amazing… You’re doing amazing. I don’t want you to care about what people say on VLIVE because they don’t know you and they’ll never know you. I know what it’s like to be hated, to not be the favorite. You can’t let that get to you…” To say that you were surprised by the sudden overload of emotion that he had would be an understatement. Yeonjun was the last person that you expected to come to you like this, yet here he was. “You’re gorgeous, and… As embarrassing as it might sound… I watch all of your VLIVES. I see the comments that they leave, and they’re… they’re just assholes, and if they can just leave, because you don’t deserve that.”

It was the last thing that you had been expecting and you were stunned into silence, a silence that allowed your brain to work through what he had said, to process it all, and then, as if a lightswitch had been flicked on, you stared at him with wide eyes, a newfound sense of shock rushing over you. “The comment… You’re the one who wrote the comment…” You whispered, unable to get your voice above it, tears stinging at your eyes as you stared at him. “Why are you just coming to me about this now?” You questioned, and you weren’t sure whether you were upset by the fact that he had taken so long, or happy that it had finally happened anyway.

He shrugged, his eyes glancing over to Soobin who was just beginning to walk over to the table where the two of you were sitting. “I just needed to get it off my chest… And I know that it doesn’t make any sense… I don’t know you the way the other guys do, but I want to get to know you, I want to get closer to you and the rest of your group. I want us all to be… friends.” He swallowed thickly, but the way he seemed to hesitate with the word friends made you question what he really meant. There wasn’t much time for you to think about it though as Soobin finally reached the table and placed the tray of food down in the middle of the table.

“Is everything alright?” He asked, looking down at you first before casting his eyes over to Yeonjun on the other side of the table. “I left your food at the other table, I didn’t think you’d be eating with us…” There was a hidden tone in his voice, an edge to it that sounded quite close to jealousy or irritation with the oldest member. “I kind of wanted to be alone with Y/N and talk to her…” He pushed the issue, and for a second, Yeonjun didn’t move, instead looking between you and Soobin as if he were waiting for you to say something or for Soobin to give up and just let him sit at the table as well.

Neither you nor Soobin said anything though, you were too flustered from Yeonjuns sudden confession and nervous from Soobins sudden appearance, and Soobin seemed flat out annoyed by Yeonjuns presence at the table in the first place. The silence only made the tension that much more palpable, but Yeonjun didn’t wait long to take the hint that was being thrown at him by his leader. “I hope that you’ll take me up on the offer…” He murmured as he got up from the table, shooting you a quick smile before walking past Soobin who seemed more angry now than confused.

“What was that about?” He asked, taking the seat that Yeonjun had just gotten out of, grabbing his breakfast from off the tray but never breaking the eye contact that he had made with you. “Was he bothering you? I mean… I really don’t know why he decided to come down anyway, I told him that we’d bring his breakfast to him.” It seemed like the more he spoke about Yeonjun, the more agitated he got, and the last thing you wanted to do was ruin the dynamics of a group that was doing so well, a group that seemed more like brothers than just members in the same band. With a small chuckle, you shook your head, motioning your hand for Soobin not to worry about it, because honestly, there didn’t seem to be much for him to worry about in the first place.

“It was nothing, I guess he just wanted to see what everyone does when we get together…” You peaked over your shoulder to watch as Yeonjun disappeared through the entrance to the cafeteria. It seemed like you were the only reason he had come down and with Soobin sitting right in front of you, it didn’t seem like you had much time to try to make sense of it all just yet. “I mean, we are the coolest people in the building, it was only a matter of time before he decided to hang out with us all.” It was a weak attempt at trying to ease whatever tension there could potentially be between the two oldest members in the group, it was honestly the only reasoning you could come up with. It didn’t make it any easier to hold any truth to that reasoning with the way Yeonjun left either, but you hoped that maybe Soobin would just let it go.

“We are pretty cool… But uhm… I didn’t just want to hang out with all of them today.” Soobins irritation seemed to fade immediately, being replaced by a sudden shyness that took hold of his body movements and facial expressions. He was like an open book, you could read him so easily, your entire body tensing up as you expectantly waited for what he was about to say. “I really wanted to be with you today… just you. I mean… we’ve been hanging out for two months already and, I feel like you and I have gotten pretty close… I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go out on like… a date… or something…?” It was the question that you had been expecting, you knew that it was coming just from his shift in attitude, but you weren’t ready for that kind of question, not yet, not after what you had heard from Yeonjun.

It felt like you were having an internal battle with yourself over this, and it wasn’t a battle that would be easily won on either side. On one hand, Soobin had been there for you the entire time, he had become your best friend, there was a lot to gain if you were to start a relationship with him, but there was also a lot that could be lost. On the other hand, Yeonjun had opened up to you about everything, he had, in a sense, cleared the air, and while what he had said would never be forgotten, you could begin the process of forgiving him. He wanted to fix things, he wanted to become friends, although you still felt like there was some hidden meaning behind the words, you chalked that up to you just being nervous around him. “A date…?” You repeated, gnawing on your bottom lip as you mulled over what he had asked and all the possible scenarios, your mind practically playing them out like mini movies in your head. “I think I just need a little more time to think about it…” You whispered, closely watching him and feeling like your heart shattered along with his as you watched his face fall. “It’s not because I don’t want to.” You quickly added, hoping to mend whatever was left, hoping to potentially put together what you had so obviously broken. “I just don’t want anything to be said that could ruin your career, and with all the hate I already get… I just don’t want you to be added to those peoples list. Plus… I care about you a lot, and our friendship is perfect…. I don’t want anything to ruin that.”

His head nodded slowly as he listened, his eyes cast down to the table, staying silent until you finished speaking. “It wouldn’t ruin anything…” He murmured once your explanation had ended, his eyes slowly lifting until they met yours. “We have a lot of MOAs, and they’d defend both you and I if we were to start seeing each other, so you shouldn’t even be worried about that. As for our friendship… Nothing would change… I’d just get to be closer to you and… I’d be able to say that I’m lucky enough to be with the prettiest idol.” His lips pursed together causing his dimple to appear on his cheek as he looked at you, his head tilted in the hopes that he had gotten you on the same page. “I’ve heard a lot of people saying that relationships should feel like you’re with your best friend and… you’re my best friend… so I don’t see how it could go wrong…”

For some reason, it felt like you wanted to cry. You wanted to protect him, you wanted to protect his group, you cared about him and the guys so much, you didn’t want him to potentially sacrifice everything just to be with you. It wasn’t fair to him or anyone else. “I know… I know, I just… I just need time to think…” You swallowed thickly before taking a deep breath, pushing yourself away from the table and standing up, trying not to get too worked up while you were still in front of him. “I think I should head to the practice room, I really need to get the dance down… I’ll see you later.”

Quickly walking away, your breakfast left behind you on the table, you walked out of the cafeteria, going to the nearest elevator and slamming your finger against the button. Your morning had been perfect, and while you thought that Yeonjun would be the one to throw you off, he had, in a strange way, made it better. You shouldn’t have expected it to stay that way, it was silly of you, and what was worse is that if Yeonjun hadn’t shown up, you would have agreed. You were torn, and that was the craziest part of all.

The front door to the dorms flew open, and Yeonjun was sure that one of the guys would be coming in with an attitude, it would be the only way to explain the way the door was opened, but instead, Soobin slowly came in, his head hung low as he walked over to the couch and slumped down beside him. “Everything alright?” Yeonjun asked, worried about the leader of the group, but Soobin simply shook his head, a quiet hmph leaving him as the rest of the guys streamed in.

“I don’t think his breakfast is agreeing with him. He probably just had a tummy ache.” Beomgyu said, stifling his chuckle at the apparent misfortune of Soobins stomach. “Do you want something for it?” He asked, pausing in the middle of the room as the two youngest walked towards their rooms, but Soobin just grunted out a sound that sounded much like a no without having to actually say the word. “Alright, well… Hope you feel better.” He said before turning to walk into his own room.

Once the youngest members were gone he sat up, turning to look at Yeonjun with both a questioning and irritated look in his eyes. “What did you talk to her about? Did you tell her that I liked her? Is that why you came down?” He was immediately assuming things, and it was actually quite funny to Yeonjun considering the fact that what he had done was quite the opposite. He couldn’t laugh about it though, he knew that if he did it would create a bigger issue than the one that was already at hand, so he shook his head, a simple, yet silent disagreement, knowing that if he opened his mouth to say anything he’d burst into a fit of laughter. “I just don’t know why… Maybe it was my fault… Maybe I just asked too soon. I don’t know… I just thought that maybe it was the right time to ask her and… It wasn’t.”

Soobins body sunk deeper into the couch, but the new information had Yeonjun sitting straight up, his body tense as he stared at Soobin. “You asked her out?” He just wanted to be sure that he had heard him right, that he was piecing things together properly. The last thing he wanted to do was get irrationally annoyed over something that possibly didn’t happen, but Soobins head nodded dejectedly. “Did she… say no?” Of course it was obvious that she clearly hadn’t said yes, but Yeonjun desperately wanted to hear that the answer was definitive, that there was no chance for Soobin and a greater chance for him himself.

“No… She didn’t say no…” Soobin said, almost defensively, and it was clear that the lack of a definitive answer was embarrassing, no doubt, but the lack of an answer also meant that there was a chance that she could say yes, and the longer Yeonjun waited, the more the chance of her saying yes to Soobin would be. “She said that she didn’t want to ruin the friendship… I don’t think that would happen… we’d be great together… don’t you think?” The question threw Yeonjun for a loop because he didn’t know how to answer. Soobin wasn’t a bad looking guy, and Y/N was gorgeous, the two of them would look great together, and their friendship is strong, they’d be the perfect power couple… But that was the last thing that Yeonjun wanted to say out loud, it would only make it harder to keep Soobin from trying to ask again.

The only thing that Yeonjun could do was try to use the truth that Soobin had given him and spin it as a reason for him not to continue trying. “I mean, your friendship is really good… I’m sure she’s just worried that a relationship could ruin it. There’s a lot of people who start out as really good friends, then they start dating and for some reason the relationship doesn’t work out and… Well… It’s just too weird for them to be friends anymore.” He explained it as if it were something that Soobin should already be aware of, as nonchalantly as possible, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, and while he had his own reasons for saying what he was, and for doing things like this, what he was saying wasn’t exactly false either.

Soobin sighed, the sound of disappointment was there, and Yeonjun knew that that wasn’t what he had wanted to hear from him. It wasn’t what anyone would want to hear in this kind of situation, and Yeonjun knew that if he wasn’t harboring feelings of his own for Y/N, he either would have told him exactly what he wanted to hear, or it could have been much worse. If he hadn't grown those secret feelings, he probably would have told Soobin that asking would be a waste of time, that it would look bad on him to be seen with someone who was just starting out. There were a lot of different things that he could have said, but in the end, he chose the words that would end up helping himself. Was it selfish? Absolutely, and deep down he felt bad about it, but he couldn’t just sit back and let Soobin get the girl when he hadn’t gotten the chance to even see if there was a shot for himself.

“Maybe I’ll just… give her a little time… I understand what you’re saying… I just don’t think that things would end up bad. I can see why she’d be scared of that though… Thanks Yeonjun.” It had taken a moment for him to finally speak, apparently deep in thought after what his hyung had said, but he was persistent on trying, just to see if things would work, because down down, he truly felt that they could, that they would. It was shocking that he was still willing to try, and that only made Yeonjun want to try harder, although that in itself would be a hard task to go through with. He had only just apologized, and while he had worn his heart on his sleeve as he sat across the table from her, he knew that it would take more time to actually get close enough to her, to get her trust, to at least give himself a chance to be told yes.

It was late, and he knew from the guys just how late the girls stayed in the practice rooms, so he took the opportunity to go there and meet her. It would be a surprise to her, if she were to be expecting anyone, it would probably be Soobin, but he needed to work fast, he needed to be steadfast and steady. He wanted to prove to her that he wasn’t just some guy who completely put her down when he had first met her and that the whole thing at the cafeteria wasn’t just some elaborate ruse with a hidden motive.

With a quick text to the guys that he was going out to the store to get something to eat, he walked out of the dorms, his feet moving faster than usual so that none of the guys would be able to catch up with him. If they knew what he was doing, they’d definitely tell Soobin, and if Soobin found out… Well, that would be a trainwreck. The last thing the group needed was to be torn apart by this kind of drama, and that was the thought that had him pausing outside of the building, looking up at the windows that were still lit up with the light from Beomgyus computer monitor. Was this really worth it?

As he thought, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He was sure that it would be one of the guys, either Beomgyu or Kai asking him to pick something up for them while he was out, but then his phone vibrated again, the same way it would if he was getting a phone call, and he quickly pulled it out of his pocket to see who it was. An unknown number, one that he was quite sure had never called him before, was now lighting up his screen, and he was hesitant in answering it, but he slowly brought the phone up to his ear as he answered. “Hello?” He whispered into the receiver, low enough to hear the breaths on the other end of the line. “Beomgyu, is this you? Don’t mess with me man.” He scolded, although he knew that he was only saying it to make himself feel better about getting an unknown call in the middle of the night as he stood outside under the dimming light of the building.

He was about to hang up when he heard someone take a deep breath, and then they started speaking. “I’m sorry… This is probably a really bad time to call… I just… I really need to clear my head and I need to talk to you specifically.” It was a voice that he would have been able to pick up on in a crowd of people as crazy as it sounded. She sounded just as timid and shy as she did on her VLIVE streams, like she was nervous talking to him, and why shouldn’t she be? “This is Y/N by the way…” She added, and he almost chuckled because she didn’t have the slightest clue that he knew her voice so well that he could hear in his dreams just as clearly as he could hear it right now through his phone speaker.

“I know it is…” He responded, a small smile twitching at his lips as he began walking towards his car. If there was any sign that what he had originally planned to do was the right thing, this was the sign. She wanted to talk to him anyway, and there was no better way to talk than face to face. “Do you want to meet up and talk? I think that would be easier… Plus, my phone is dying and I don’t want it to go out mid conversation, you know?” She hummed in agreement, and it felt just as bad lying to her as it did to lie to Soobin. His phone was fully charged, if she had wanted to talk on the phone the call could have lasted for hours before it even got down to fifty percent, but he wanted to see her so bad, he couldn’t just let this opportunity slip by.

The sound of her tongue clicking against the roof of her mouth sounded out before she spoke again, her voice mingling with the sound of key jangling. “Can we meet at the cafeteria? The girls and I just got done practicing… I told them I’d be home a little later… I just really needed to talk to you about something, they don’t know that’s the reason though, so don’t tell the guys or they’ll tell the girls.” He murmured a quick agreement, thinking to himself just how ironic it was that both he and her were hiding their meetings, as if they were something that shouldn’t be happening at all, and maybe they really shouldn’t be, but it felt a lot like Romeo and Juliet, and that’s apparently the greatest love story of all time… Aside from the whole dying at the end part.

“I’ll be there soon.” He assured her, closing the car door and starting up the engine as he hung up his phone. It was exciting, secretly meeting up with her, the chance to finally be alone with her and just talk without having to worry about Soobin or the guys or any of the girls from her group interfering. He was on edge, his fingers gripping onto the steering wheel as he pulled out of his parking spot, heading straight for the Hybe building, the headlights illuminating the road that disappeared at lightning speed underneath the car. What if the whole meeting was just to talk about Soobin? Why would she want to talk to him about it? Did she feel that she could trust him more, or was it just that it was easier to talk to him about it because she didn’t think he’d care? It was only a matter of minutes before he would find out, and for some reason, he was more nervous than ever now.

You sat in the cafeteria, the muffled sounds of conversation and echoing clanging of dishes were the only sounds that could be heard in the vastly empty room. It was eerie, and you knew that you didn’t have much time before the entire building would be closed up, the last of the employees that had worked over would be heading home as well, and you’d be told to leave the premises along with them. You were unsure of how long it would take for Yeonjun to make it, and you knew that it was silly to ask him of all people to come talk to you about this kind of thing, but you knew that if you had gone to the girls, they’d just spread the news quicker than the reporters could.

Soon enough, the quiet sounds of the closing crew were silenced by the sounds of heavy footsteps running down the hall outside the cafeteria, the sound of it echoing off the bare walls of the building. “I’m here!” He shouted as he turned the corner into the cafeteria, the entrance both startling you and amusing you at the same time. It was a loud enough entrance that even the workers in the back had come out to see who it was, and most of them looked annoyed at the possibility that they could be asked to make something else, but Yeonjun quickly eased their worrying minds. “Don’t worry about it, I’m just here to talk to someone.” Everyone’s eyes glanced over at you, and you quickly dropped your head to avoid any kind of eye contact.

He was over to the table in an instant, pulling out the chair and sitting across from you, his chin resting against his knuckles as he tried to meet your eyes. “Where do the guys think you are?” You asked, making the meeting that was currently going on seem more like a government meeting rather than just two friends talking. It wasn’t really that serious, but to you, it was. You didn’t want anyone else to know about what was going on, it would just make things harder, and you knew that the girls would pressure you into saying yes to Soobin, even though they’d probably do it out of the kindness of their hearts, you just weren’t ready to deal with that, you didn’t want to deal with that.

“They think I’m at the store, they’re probably sending me lists of things to get them… Good think my phone is dead, right?” His smile was almost mischievous when he said it, but you knew that he was just being funny to try to brighten the mood which was so tense, it was almost suffocating. “So what’s wrong? I mean… I didn’t think you’d actually want to talk to me about something that seems so serious.” It probably was confusing as to why you picked him to talk to, hell, if you were him, you’d be confused too, but you just couldn’t talk to anyone about it. Plus, in some strange way, he was involved as well, even though he didn’t even know it yet.

You shrugged, your eyes darting around the room just to make sure for the hundredth time that it was actually empty before beginning. “I can’t talk to anyone else about it because they wouldn’t understand… I don’t even understand… You probably wouldn’t understand either…” You sighed softly, shaking your head as you tried to make sense of what you were feeling, but the more you thought about it, the more jumbled your thoughts became. “Soobin asked me out…” You blurted out, your eyes wide as you finally met Yeonjuns. “And… He’s really sweet, and I like him… I do… But then you came into the picture…” His eyebrows furrowed as you said the last part, his head tilted quizzically, as if what you were saying wasn’t adding up, and you were sure that by the time you were finished telling him everything, the equation would still be unsolved, but you needed to get it all out there. “He’s my best friend, but… He’s never watched my streams, he’s never done what you said you did, you know? When I’m upset, he’ll try to cheer me up, but… I don’t know… I just feel like he’s there for me the way a friend is, and I cherish our friendship, but I don’t think he and I would work as anything more than that…” Yeonjuns eyebrows were lowered, casting a shadow over his eyes as he listened to everything you said, but it seemed like he was waiting for more. “And… I don’t know why I feel the way I do… But… Maybe I’m so desperate to be liked by someone that hearing that the comment was from you made me fall for you instantly… I don’t get it… But I don’t want to hurt him.”

Yeonjuns hands fell from beneath his chin to allow his mouth to fall open, his eyes wide now and unblinking as he stared at. It felt like he was judging you, and why wouldn’t he be? You basically told him that you loved him just because he had given you some sort of attention, and the embarrassment from that thought alone had you tearing up, holding your breath as you got ready to bolt from the table and run out of the building. “So… You didn’t say yes to Soobin… Because you like me?” He asked, summing up everything that you had said so easily, you felt like a fool for rambling so long when it could have been said just like that. With one swift nod you answered his question, and you were ready for him to start calling you an idiot, saying that you were foolish for letting one simple thing sway you from being happy with Soobin, but then you heard the sigh of relief from him. Glancing up you saw the brightest smile on his face, his head held back as he murmured out a small yes. “You don’t know how good it is to hear that.” He said in between chuckles, and now you were even more confused, wondering just what he really meant. “I was actually on my way here to meet you before you even called… I… I don’t understand my own feelings… But I know that I do like you. When Soobin told me about you and the way that he felt, I couldn’t hold them back anymore, I needed you to know and… God, you don’t know how relieving it is to hear that you like me too.”

Your mouth hung open like a frog awaiting flies, even more shocked than you were earlier by the sudden onslaught of confessions from him. You had started your career thinking that he hated you, you had spent two months just assuming that he absolutely loathed you, that your group itself was repulsive to him, only to find out that it was the complete opposite. “So… you only came down here this morning to try to sabotage Soobins plan to ask me out… Because you didn’t have the courage to come to me before that? This whole thing was fueled by your jealousy that Soobin had gotten closer to me and you didn’t want him and I to be together?” His teeth sunk into his bottom lip, clearly thrown off by the way you had put it, but his head slowly nodded in agreement, although you could tell that he felt bad about it even underneath all the happiness. “Oh my god… He’s gonna be devastated… He’s gonna be so pissed off too and… Oh man, he’s gonna hate you and it’s gonna ruin the group and…” You continued rambling, going on and on about how awful this could be, how awful it would be if you and Yeonjun actually started seeing each other. He listened for a while, letting you get it all out before reaching across the table and grabbing your hands, squeezing them tight in his own.

“It’s not gonna ruin anything. Everything is going to be fine. All of us guys, we’re like brothers, and there’s nothing that could ruin the bond that we have. It’s going to be alright. Soobin is going to be alright.” He tried to reassure you, but you couldn’t help the uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach. This was the calm before the storm, surely it was, it had to be. “There’s nothing for you to worry about, I promise. We’ll keep things on the down low for a bit, at least until Soobin gives up, alright?” It seemed wrong, it didn’t feel right to lead Soobin on that way, but you wouldn’t allow yourself to be the cause of their group breaking up, you didn’t want to be the cause of any drama between the guys, so you nodded slowly, reluctantly, not sure if you were making a good choice or not. It was just something you’d have to wait and see.

Three months in and you were still sneaking around with Yeonjun, your relationship as lowkey as it had been when you first started dating. You never thought that you’d be with him in the first place, and there was something that still felt strange about it, after everything that happened at first, you never would have seen yourself with him, yet here you were. The feelings were there, and most of the time those feelings of what seemed like love overpowered the strangeness of the whole thing, and that made you feel like it was worth it.

The guys still hung out with you and the girls, and now Yeonjun came every single time. He played the act better than you did, the one where he had to be friendly with all the girls and if one of them flirted with him, he had to playfully flirt back although his eyes were glancing at you the entire time he did, letting you know that everything he said carried no weight, that it had no real meaning. While he was off pretending to be interested in what the other girls were saying, Soobin was still stuck by your side, just as he was before, like he always had been. There was nothing different about it, there was nothing different about him. The only person that had changed was you, and as he continued to sit right beside you, your legs brushing against each other and his arm draped loosely around you over the back of the sofa, you could only hope that he didn’t notice how awkward you felt.

He still asked you, although not as forwardly as he did before, but he seemed hell bent on being with you which only made you feel worse about the secret that you were keeping. Yeonjun had it easier, even though they still had to live together, he wasn’t the one being asked out every other week, he wasn’t the one who had to come up with a brand new excuse with a straight face as to why a relationship wouldn’t work. It was becoming too much, and you knew that at some point you’d break, you’d end up slipping up and telling him the real reason which would ruin everything anyway.

The truth of the matter is, you and Yeonjun could barely see each other anyway. There were a couple nights where he was able to slip out of his dorm and you out of your own and he’d pick you up and you’d both sit in the car in the middle of practically nowhere just to spend some sort of time together, but those opportunities came far and few in between. Fleeting kisses shared in random hallways of the building, hoping that none of the cameras would catch the two of you together. It was work, and it was starting to feel like it was more work than it was worth. No doubt, you liked being with him, but you had to weigh it out for yourself, ask yourself if the stress of keeping everything under wraps was really worth two or three nights a month.

“Hey…” Yeonjun quietly called to you, out of breath from the jog from his practice room to the hallway that you were hiding in. His hands cupped your face as he leaned in to kiss you quickly, and you could feel the smile tugging at the corner of his lips as they pressed against your own. “I’ve needed this too… You’re usually not the one to initiate the meetings though.” He joked as he pulled away, leaning against the wall and finally looking at you, his face dropping to one of concern as he tried to read your expression. “What is it? Did you get hurt during practice?” He was protective of you, making sure in his own way that you always took care of yourself. It was one of the things that you’d miss about him, and the way that he was acting right now made it harder for you to even begin forming the sentence that you knew you needed to say.

The tears were already beginning to sting your eyes as you looked at him, shaking your head before lowering it, trying to gain the courage, the same courage that he had gained to come to you, you needed it more than ever right now. “I can’t keep doing this… I can’t keep going around like this…” You murmured, trying to keep your voice steady so he didn’t know just how much it hurt for you to say it. “It’s getting harder and… We’re never going to be normal… We’re never going to have anything normal because we have to keep hiding. I don’t want to have to hide this… whatever this is.” You motioned between him and yourself, finally looking up to see him and wishing that you hadn’t. The broken look in his eyes was a reflection of his heart being broken into pieces in his chest and you couldn’t bear to look at him much longer than a few seconds.

“Don’t say that…” He pleaded, his voice strained as he pushed himself away from the wall, striding over to you and cupping your face in his hands, making you look up at him. “Don’t… I’m trying… I’m gonna tell him, I’m gonna tell everyone. I just need time. I don’t want to hide it either… You know that I don’t.” He took a shuddering breath and you could see that his own tears were forming, glossing over his eyes and reflecting the image of your pained face back to you as you stared into them. “We can have something… Something better than this… You know how hard it is with what we do and… And the guys aren’t making it any easier.” His explanations piled up, being choked out, stumbling over his own words as he tried to make you see whatever it was he was seeing, the supposed light at the end of the figurative tunnel. To you though, it never seemed to get brighter, it was a never ending darkness no matter how far you walked. There was no use being in a relationship if you couldn’t be proud of it, if you couldn’t be happy in it, it was just more of a hassle.

Reaching up, you wiped away one of the tears, quickly dropping your hand after his cheek had been cleared of the tiny drop. “It is hard… Like I said, it’s only getting harder… And it’s not worth it. I want the both of us to be happy, and we can’t, not like this.” You looked around the hallway, shaking your head as you did. Every aspect of your relationship was kept a secret, to protect you, to protect him, to protect the groups and to protect the company. There was nothing happy about it, there was nothing to look forward to. Every time the two of you were in the same room together, it’s not like you could be next to each other, you couldn’t be like a normal couple, not even around your own friends. The facade that the both of you had to keep up was wearing you down, you didn’t want to have to keep up the act anymore, and you knew that it was the only way the two of you could keep seeing each other, so it was better to end it all together. “We deserve better, Yeonjun… And this isn’t it.”

His hands slipped from your face, running through his hair as he took a step back, his jaw clenched and his eyes squeezed shut. “It’s not simple… I wish it were… God, I wish that I could make it easier for you. Do you think I’m having a good time sneaking around like this? I’m not.” He huffed loudly, pacing the small length of the hallway, irritation mixing with his desperation, his emotions jumbling together to create a tumbleweed of havoc inside of him. “I don’t know what to do, I don’t… I’m doing my best… I’m trying. I want to see, I want to be with you… Just… I just need a little more time. I’ll talk to the guys, I’ll talk to Soobin… I need you to stay. Please…” He paused in the middle of the hall at his last word, glancing over at you with puffy red eyes, the tip of his nose as red as Rudolph’s, his chest rising and falling shakily as he tried to hold back his tears. “Please…”

There was a time for everything, a time for giving up, just as he had said to you before, it didn’t feel like that long ago that he had given you that talk in the hall outside of the practice room. It was a much different talk than the one you were having now, but it carried the same weight, it held the same emotions. You were giving up on something that you loved, not because you wanted to, but because you felt like you had to in order to protect everything else that you loved. With your arms wrapped tightly around yourself, holding yourself together and bracing yourself for what would come next, you shook your head. “It’s been three months, and we’re no closer to getting what we want than where we were when we first started. It’d be one thing if we were hiding from the fans only… But we’re hiding from our friends, from our family, from everyone. We can’t keep going on like this and pretending that it’s okay for either one of us… Neither of us are happy doing this… Please, just… Try to understand.” You took a deep breath, quickly wiping away the stray tears with the back of your hand and putting on a fake smile that felt way too strange to wear under the circumstances. “I have to get back to practice… I’ll see you around…” You said the words quickly before walking away, turning around the corner to get away from him, to get away from the man that you left behind you, broken and crying in the middle of the hallway. You felt like crap, and you didn’t want to go back to practice, all you really wanted to do was go back to the dorms and lay in bed and cry it out, but just like everything else pertaining to the relationship, you had to go back to practice and pretend like nothing ever happened.

It had been a month since she had left, a month worth of thinking, a month worth of wallowing away in his own despair, a month of watching her VLIVES and watching as the comments rolled in, comments that broke her down and left her just as shattered as he felt. It had been a month, and while he didn’t comment anymore, he’d report each and every one of them, marking down their names and making sure they never showed up in the comments again. She didn’t have to be with him, he knew that the feelings were still there, at least on his end, and the least he could do was protect her. Even that was done secretively though, just as she had said. There was nothing public about the relationship, not even in the sense of the other members of the groups knowing, and that’s why he’s been thinking so much.

The other guys still went to see the girls, and he had taken a step back, something that the guys had noticed and something that Soobin seemed a little too relieved with. Had he already known that something was going on? Did he already know about the relationship and just wasn’t saying anything about it? He couldn’t be sure, but he could tell that something was different with Soobin every time he left to go see the girls and Y/N. That relief would soon wash away though because he was tired of hiding out in his room and crying into his pillow. He at least needed to see her, he wanted to see that she was happy in her decision, to see that she was doing well because from the looks of the VLIVES, she was no different than the way she was when he had first started watching her.

“Oh cool! Yeonjuns coming!” Beomgyu cheered from the front door, watching as Yeonjun slipped on his shoes and slung his jacket over his shoulder. “We’re meeting the girls at their dorms today, you don’t know how hard it was to get the managers to agree to that.” He rolled his eyes as he said it, holding open the front door to let the other members start walking out. “You’ve missed a lot while you’ve been working on that song though. I think Soobin likes Y/N, he’s been really trying to get closer to her, and I think I heard him ask her out. Crazy right?”

Yeonjun bit his tongue, trying to retain his anger at what Beomgyu had said, knowing already that Soobin had a massive crush on her, but it was the jealousy, the envy at the fact that Soobin could so openly show the way he felt, but he couldn’t. It was all done to protect the leader, but at what point did Yeonjun have to forget about protecting anyone else but himself and her? “Yeah… that’s crazy…” He muttered, patting Beomgyus shoulder as he walked by him, walking down the hall and straight for the elevators where Taehyun and Kai were waiting, the last thing he heard was Soobins voice asking if he was really coming now.

Even after three months of dating her, he could never contain the butterflies and feeling of warmth that filled his stomach whenever he saw her. Whenever he did, he could just imagine all of the things they could do together, all of the things he’d love to do with her. He’d love to see her eyes sparkle like the snow that would fall from the sky in the winter, watch her move across the shore and wade into the ocean during the summer. He could see her everywhere, and everywhere that he saw her, he saw himself as well.

As he walked further into the dorm, he could feel her eyes on him, but he didn’t stare, he couldn’t even look at her longer than five seconds without feeling like he was going to cry. She wasn’t his anymore, she wasn’t his to cry over, yet he could feel the lump building in his throat as he found a chair on the other side of the room and watched the other guys go to the girls, all of the guys, including Soobin, settling in and getting comfortable, all of them except himself.

The butterflies that had been swarming all seemed to die in an instant, falling into the pit that formed in his stomach as he watched Soobin scoot closer to Y/N, his arm wrapping around her and pulling her against his side. His shoulder twitched with anger, his fingers digging into the arm of the couch, his teeth grinding together and his blood boiling as he watched her head lean against his shoulder. “Hey… what’s wrong?” Soobin asked, and Yeonjun was tuned in specifically to the conversation, waiting to hear what her response would be, but she only shook her head, forcing a smile that he could already tell was fake as she looked up at him. “You’re not a very good liar, Y/N.” He teased, squeezing her shoulder before letting his hand drop to land on the couch next to her leg, his fingers dangerously close to the skin of her thigh that was exposed beneath the shorts she was wearing.

He kept watching, highly aware of the way her legs seemed to inch further and further away from Soobins hand, the way her eyes continued to glance in his direction. “I’m fine… really. I’m just tired.” She said, faking a giggle that was supposed to put Soobins mind at ease, and it seemed that for a moment it did. He didn’t ask her any more questions, instead he stayed silent, leaning his head against the top of hers which only pissed Yeonjun off more. They weren’t even dating and Soobin got to act like with her in the open, he got to be closer to her than Yeonjun ever was around the guys. It wasn’t fair, and he knew that the longer he waited, the closer they’d get, and he was sure that soon enough, Soobin would ask again, and he didn’t know if she’d finally just say yes. He couldn’t let that happen, he wouldn’t let that happen.

There was a time for everything, there was a time for giving up, and there was a time to stand up and finally show everyone the truth. He wasn’t going to give up, he wasn’t a quitter, and he wasn’t just going to sit there and watch as his best friend snuggled and got closer to the girl that he was head over heels in love with. After a couple deep breaths and a mental pep talk, he finally got the courage to do it. Pushing himself up off the chair and taking those couple steps across the floor, the few steps feeling more like a marathon, his forehead beaded with sweat from his nerves as he stood in front of her. She looked up at him, and so did Soobin, both of them had different looks in their eyes, one was a look of annoyance and agitation, much the same as it had been in the cafeteria the day that he had first told her how he felt, and the other look, her eyes, they were filled with something akin to hope. Maybe this was what she wanted too, what she had been waiting for, and if that were the case, the first thing he’d do would be apologize for making her wait so long.

“I love you…” He professed, everyone in the room had gone quiet, it was so silent that you could have heard a pin drop in the next room over. All eyes were on him now, but he didn’t care, he didn’t care about what would happen next, all he wanted was for her to be his girlfriend again, for her to know that they didn’t have to hide anymore, that he would let the world know that she was his girlfriend and he was the luckiest man in the world to be able to say it. “I love you so much… And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t smart, and I’m sorry that I made you hide it, and I’m sorry that I ever made you feel any less than loved or if you felt like you weren’t special. I can’t spend another day pretending that I’m not torn up about you leaving me, and I can’t go on another second watching my best friend make moves on you because he doesn’t know anything about what’s happened.” He took a deep breath, shoving his hands in his pockets, completely ignoring all of the eyes that were on him right now, only staring into your own and finding his home there, a home that he felt he had been away from for far too long. “I can’t stop thinking about you, and I know it’s stupid of me to think that I can just walk back in here and say this and think that you’re going to take me back immediately, but even if you don’t… I just needed everyone to know that I do love you, and that those three months were probably the happiest three months of sneaking around because I got to go to bed knowing that you were mine…”

A collective gasp left the guys and the girls that were standing behind him, but the two that sat in front of him were silent. Her eyes were filled with tears as she leaned back against the couch, but Soobin was sitting straight up, staring lasers into the side of Yeonjuns face. “So… the entire time… I’ve been asking her out and she’s been saying no… It wasn’t because she didn’t like me… It was because she was with you?” He asked, and Yeonjun knew that this was coming, but he had been hoping that it could have been saved for when all of the guys returned back to their own dorm. Apparently Soobin didn’t want to wait though, he had his own pent up emotions that he needed to let out. “You knew that I liked her back then… You knew the way that I felt. I came to you! I trusted you… and then you go behind my back and you start dating the girl that I love! You didn’t even know her! You weren’t there for her like I was, you never came around, and then you just waltz in and… and… you get her! That’s not fair… that’s not… I can’t… I can’t be here right now.” His entire body was shaking with what could only be rage at the situation, and while Yeonjun was upset at the way he was acting, he also had a point.

The rest of the guys seemed torn on what to do, their heads darting in both directions between Yeonjun and Soobin as their leader stormed out the front door. No one had ever seen him so upset, so angry before, and they didn’t even know who to be upset with, whether they should be upset with anyone in the first place. “Dude…” Kai whispered, looking over at Yeonjun who was staring at the door that had long since been slammed shut, no one knowing where Soobin went, although they were all hoping that he had just gone back to the dorms to try to cool down. “What do we do?” That was the main question in everyone’s mind at the moment, unsure of whether to go after him or give him his space, not sure whether things would be okay or if Soobin wouldn’t want to work with Yeonjun at all after this. Everything seemed to be hazy, especially the future of the group, and that had all of the guys terrified.

As Yeonjun looked back down at her, he could see that she was on the verge of tears, he felt like he had just messed up again, he couldn’t seem to do anything right. Hiding the relationship was making her upset, and now that he finally expressed his feelings in front of everyone, it caused an outburst that only seemed to upset her more. “I’m sorry… I’m a fuck up, right?” He mumbled, dropping down onto the couch beside her, his head in his hands, too ashamed to look at her or any of the guys that were talking amongst themselves about how to calm down Soobin.

“No…” She responded matter of factly, although he wasn’t sure whether she was responding to his question or flat out denying his apology. “I just think that maybe you should have gone to him… And actually talked to him about it first instead of embarrassing him in front of all the girls and the guys. You let your jealousy talk for you which in turn humiliated him… That doesn’t mean that you’re a fuck up… You just let your emotions get the best of you. I think the same thing happened to him when he stormed out.” She lightly bumped into him with her shoulder, trying to get him to look up at her which he quickly did. Behind her pained eyes, he could see the sincerity, and he could tell that she wasn’t mad at him, she was upset for her friend, of course she would be, but there was the hint of happiness that sparkled in her pupils as well, happiness brought on by the fact that the relationship didn’t have to be hidden, that their love for each other didn’t have to be kept a secret anymore. “I think you need to talk to him, you’re the only person that could make him understand right now. Just, try not to fight, please.”

He nodded quickly, knowing that she was right. It shocked him that she wasn’t the leader of the group that she was in, she spoke so much sense, she always seemed to know what to say, and she never took one side over the other, she saw things the way that they were, she was unbiased and up front about everything. “We won’t fight… Don’t worry… And when I’m done talking to him I’ll call you just to let you know that everything is alright.” She smiled slightly, but her concern was written across her face in bright neon letters. She loved both the guys, although in different ways, he knew that it would hurt her to find out that anything happened to either of them, especially if she thought that it was because of her. That’s why he needed to make sure this talk went well, he needed to make sure that everything went smoothly, and at the end of it all, he needed to make sure that Soobin didn’t hold anything against her. “I’ll call you as soon as I’m done… I love you…” He kissed her temple, the action drawing out a quiet chorus of awws from the rest of the guys and girls in the group, and in any other situation he would have told them to shut up, but right now he didn’t care, he had too much on his mind to even worry about anyone else.

Sweat dripped down from your forehead as you stood beneath the blinding lights, the crowd that surrounded the stage all cheered the names of you and the girls around you. Your comeback stage had gone great, you and your group had worked so hard to get the album out, and preparing for the first show after that had been exhausting, but seeing the fans made it all worth it.

It had been a year since you had first debuted, a year and eight months to be exact, almost two years and while the work was hard and nights were long, it was so rewarding at the end of the day to know that you and the rest of the girls had people standing beside you and cheering you on, most of them having been there since day one, and all of the work you and your group did was for them. It wasn’t just the fans though, it was the people that you kept beside you, the ones that picked you up when you fell down, the ones that made you and the rest of the girls believe in yourselves when it felt like everything was going to shambles. These were the people that you were sure you wouldn’t be able to live without at this point, the ones who brightened a room as soon as they walked into one with their smiles and their laughter. They were your best friends, they were like family.

“That was great! I knew it would be, but you guys really killed it out there tonight.” Soobin said as you and the rest of the girls walked off the stage. Him and the guys had been waiting backstage the entire time, and now that your show was done, they were handing you bottled waters while complimenting the performance that they had been waiting so long to see. “Oh, here you go, don’t want to forget this. That would kind of suck.” He chuckled lightly as his hand dove into his pocket, pulling out the little silver ring that you had handed to him to hold onto during the show. “When do you think the fans should find out?” He asked as he slipped it back onto your finger, smiling softly at you as he did. “Don’t you think they should know now?”

You shrugged, giggling softly as he let your hand drop back down to your side. The engagement had been big news around the building, but everyone had basically been sworn into secrecy about it until the managers thought that it would be safe to let the rest of the world know. It wasn’t just about keeping both groups popular or trying to keep the fans either, it was about keeping both groups safe from fans that might become angry at the news. “Not yet… I don’t want someone's dreams of marrying their ultimate bias to be crushed… Plus, it probably wouldn’t be the best news to break so close to our comeback. I’m sure the world can wait a little bit longer to find out.” You joked, earning yourself an eye roll from Soobin at the ultimate bias comment, but he knew that you were right, you always were. That kind of news coming out right now would completely overshadow the work that your group had put into your new album and the comeback show.

“Wait a little longer to find out about what?” Yeonjuns voice came from behind you, but before you could turn around to face him, his arms had snaked around your waist and pulled your back against his chest. Your hands immediately moved on top of his, and you felt the vibration in his chest as he hummed softly, having noticed that the ring was back on your finger. “Ahh, there it is. I really do hate when you have to take it off, but I know I can trust Soobin to keep it safe. Thanks for holding onto it.” He said, his chin resting against your shoulder as he looked at the leader. “Maybe you can be the ring bearer along with the best man at the wedding, you’re the only one I can trust to keep the rings safe.” He joked, earning himself a loud HEY from across the room that was surely Beomgyu.

Soobin snorted loudly, but he nodded in agreement, letting out a quiet sigh that sounded almost bittersweet after his laughter had subsided. “Yeah… I can do that. I’m really happy for you guys.” He murmured, and you knew that he meant it. There was always going to be that thought in the back of his head, the question of what could have been if Yeonjun hadn’t come around, but over time, things had gone back to the way they used to be. You were like Soobins sister, and he looked out for you the way a brother would, and if Yeonjun ever did anything to upset you, Soobin would be the first one to tell Yeonjun that he was messing up. Not just that though, but he had found happiness for himself, he had found someone to give him just as much love as he was able to give. He deserved it, and to see the happiness in his eyes whenever he was with his girlfriend, whenever he even spoke about her, you knew that he had found the one, the one that lit up his life the way that Yeonjun lit up yours.

Everything was perfect now, although you’d never say it out loud, not wanting to jinx it, but you truly felt like everything had fallen into place, the puzzle of your life completed. It had all been so confusing at first, none of the pieces made sense, but now that you looked at the finished picture, you couldn’t imagine it being anything but what you had right now. The greatest friends, the greatest boyfriend, a family that wasn’t defined by blood or relation, but a family that had been built off a friendship that all started with one kind heart asking if you and the girls wanted to have lunch. It was crazy, and what was even crazier to think of than that, was the fact that it was all thanks to Kai.

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whatsk-poppinhomies · 2 years

Text

♡ June 14th, 2020 {4:52PM}

♡ Word Count : 3.1k ♡ TW : mentions of an abusive relationship, not in detail ; mentions of yandere type qualities in an ex ; suggestive content ; heavy makeout session <- / masterlist / ->

It didn’t stop him from going though. When he said that he wanted to see you, he hadn’t been lying. He truly did want to meet up with you, to hang out with you, to get to know you better. It was crazy how one person could completely nullify all the rules that he had been following for so long. He didn’t even know what it was about you that had him acting so careless, so reckless. Maybe it was the fact that you were so new, or maybe it was because you were just… different. All he wanted to do was see you, that much he did know, and he wasn’t going to let anyone or anything stand in his way, especially some dude who was on the complete other side of the globe who still thought he owned you.

“ Text me when you need to be picked up.” Hoshi said as he pulled up out front of the apartment building, his fingers drumming on the steering wheel rapidly, almost as fat as Seungkwans heart was beating. “And remember to keep your head down, your hat low, and your hoodie up. Don’t let anyone see you.” Seungkwan rolled his eyes at the suggestion, not because it was ridiculous, it was actually the smartest thing Hoshi had said the entire car ride, it’s just that Seungkwan had come up with it first.

He nodded, climbing out of the car and inhaling deeply, letting the fresh air fill his lungs before stepping inside of the building, making a b-line for the emergency stairs, not wanting to risk someone coming out of the elevator and recognizing him. It was a shame that you lived on the fifth floor, if it had only been the first or second, he would have risked the elevator, but there were too many floors in between where he was and where you were at. Anyone could hop on at any time and he didn’t want his cover to be blown.

“Fucking stairs…” Seungkwan mumbled as he finally reached the fifth level landing, catching his breath as he stood beside the door that opened up into the hallway. Luckily it was Sunday, nobody was out of their apartment it seemed, and it didn’t look like anyone was heading home from work right now. Most people were probably inside their apartments resting up for tomorrow morning, something he would usually be doing if he wasn’t here. One week truly did turn the tables of his life upside down, and he wasn’t sure at the moment whether he minded it or not.

Doing a double take up and down the length of the hallway, he made sure it was clear before heading to your door, and in the moment, he was the pure visual definition of hauling ass, his fists coming down on your door harder than he had planned and he could only imagine how shocked, or how scared you must be from the sound of it. “Ah… christ… I’m coming!” Your voice shouted from the other side of the thin barrier that kept him from you, and now his hands were sweating in the pockets of his hoodie, his chest puffed out as he held his breath, waiting for you to open the door.

Your white shirt had become see-through and there was a massive water stain down the front of it, your hair was pulled up into a bun on the top of your head, and you stared at him incredulously, clearly shocked that he was standing right in front of you. “Hey…” He murmured, left speechless as his eyes were drawn to the darkened color of your shirt down the center and then the lack of anything being worn underneath it. “Uhm…”

“Get in, quickly.” You ordered, stepping away from the door so he could walk through before glancing up and down the hallway and then shutting the door behind you, leaning against it as you crossed your arms over your chest. “First off, how did you find me? Second… this is twice now, you’re gonna start owing me clothes.” He swallowed thickly as he stared at you, and there was something about the way you looked now, he just couldn’t stop staring.

He had seen you at work multiple times, and you always dressed up, making sure to look presentable, and you looked absolutely stunning obviously, but seeing you now… It was the casualness of it, the pajama shorts and the baggy t-shirt that now clung to your body as if for dear life, outlining the shape of your bare breasts. “Tilly told Hoshi and Hoshi told me.” He spilled quickly, watching as your eyes rolled adorably before you pushed yourself away from your door, heading somewhere else in your apartment, leaving him standing in the entrance like a lost puppy. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to come unannounced, but I know that if I told you I was coming, you’d tell me not to and you’d be even more upset.”

You continued walking, going straight into one of the doors, and he truly didn’t know what to do. Did he follow you? Did he keep standing there? Now the door to the room you went into was shut and he was even more confused. “I’m not upset…” You called out, and he let out a quiet sigh of relief. “I just don’t know why you’re trying so hard. Is this like… some kind of test, to see if I’ll follow the rules?” You asked as you walked out of the room, a brand new hoodie on that was so large it seemed to swallow your frame completely.

“It’s not a test, I swear!” He said defensively, still standing in the same spot, his feet practically glued to the floor. “Did you ever think that maybe I just want to be around you?” He asked, his eyes following your every move as you walked around your apartment, grabbing two glasses from one of the cabinets in the kitchen and setting them down on the counter. ‘Mmmm, nope’ You murmured out from where you stood, filling the glasses with tea before turning to look at him. “Well I do…”

You smiled softly, walking over and stopping right in front of him as you handed him the cup. “Doesn’t seem like it since you haven’t moved out of the doorway since you’ve been here.” You teased, causing a chain reaction that had him kicking off his shoes and following you into the living room to drop down onto the couch beside you. “She’s so mouthy… She told him my address so easily… If someone else were to ask…” Your light attitude diminished quickly as you curled into yourself on the couch.

“You mean Niko…” He filled in the blanks that you had left open and you simply glanced over at him as you brought your cup up to your lips, sipping on the beverage quietly. “You didn’t tell me that he was violent.” He continued after a moment of silence that he thought you would have filled, and you sighed softly, placing your cup down on the coffee table and turning your whole body to look at him.

“That’s not a very cool text message to send out to one of your biggest crushes, you know? I didn’t know how you’d react to it.” Your smile was so forced, he would have much rather have seen you pouting. It was more devastating to him that you tried so hard to make it seem like everything was okay even though he knew it wasn’t. “I’m totally okay though, you don’t have to worry so much.” You nodded your head for emphasis, turning straight once more to grab your cup, but he wasn’t just going to let the conversation end there. He knew you were faking being okay, and he didn’t want you to have to fake it, he wanted you to truly be okay.

“I was pissed when I found out, just letting you know.” He responded, watching as your teeth sunk into your bottom lip, rolling the pink flesh nervously as you listened to him speak. “And don’t tell me not to worry about you. I heard that your friends are terrified of him, and I know for a fact that you’re scared of him, but for some reason you still care about him enough to keep him around.” He shook his head, in disbelief at the words he had just said, it was truly impossible for him to fathom why you’d care about someone like that after what they had done to you.

You shook your head, your cheeks hollowing as you continued to stare forward, blinking rapidly, and he caught a glimpse of the reflection of the sunlight coming through the windows on the stray tear that trickled down your cheek. “I don’t care about him… I care about my friends and my family. That’s why I keep him around, because I know he’d just hurt them to try to get to me. I don’t want to be the reason they get hurt, so I deal with it, I deal with him. You don’t understand.” He didn’t understand, not at first, but now he was beginning to grasp it, and it only pissed him off more. “I’m not allowed to be with you, or around you… He’ll call the company and I’ll lose my internship and I’ll have to go back home… to him.”

Tugging at the sleeve of your hoodie, you blotted at your eyes, taking a shaky breath as you tried to calm yourself down, but now he was one filled with emotions, seething with anger as he thought of all the things that this friend of yours was doing just to keep you scared enough to stay with him. “What if we do it secretly? We were planning on doing it like that anyway… We just hide from the company and Niko…” He saw the corner of your lips twitch up, although the small glimpse that he had of your smile disappeared just as quickly as it came. “I’m quite happy that I spilled your water on you last week.”

The snort that came from you was unexpected, but you fell back against the couch, your body vibrating with now silent laughter. “Oh I bet you are, I saw you looking.” His cheeks felt red hot and he was sure that you could see the blush on his cheeks now that you were looking right at him. “And I saw you staring at me earlier. I think you just like the view and that’s why you keep spilling my drinks.” You winked at him and even if it was simply teasing on your end, he felt like his heart was going to burst through his chest while his body melted into a puddle of nothing from how hot he was feeling. Not only that, but the more you talked about it, the more the images flashed in his mind, his pants getting tighter and tighter the longer he thought about them.

“I don’t!” He sputtered out, but then he shook his head. “I mean I do! I… They’re nice! Great… I love them… But… I didn’t mean the water thing, not my fault! I’m sorry I was looking and I kind of really want to see them again… Ah! Shut up!” Your laughter twinkled through the room as he sunk into his seat, feeling like an absolute idiot. He talked too much, especially when he was put on the spot like this, but the sound of your laughter was also precious to him considering how upset you were just a moment ago.

Your hand reached out to pat his thigh and he swore the entire lower half of his body burst into flames from your touch alone. His eyes were squeezed shut so you couldn’t see his eyes rolling into the back of his head, and he hoped to everything that you couldn’t see his pants slowly rising higher and higher the longer you touched him. “You’re cute…” You whispered, and he really wished he could see your face right now, but he was too scared to open his eyes in case you were judging him. “I don’t do that kind of stuff on the first date though.” Your hand slowly slid up his thigh and he was gritting his teeth together to keep from letting out any of the ungodly sounds that were building in his throat, but all you did was squeeze the top of his thigh lightly before pulling your hand away.

“What do you do?” He asked, immediately regretting the question. It sounded so rude, so condescending, and while he was too scared to look at you earlier, he felt like he needed to see you now, just to be sure you weren’t angry at him. The smile on your face was beautiful, your head was tilted to the side, and it looked like you were actually thinking, but a part of him felt like you were just pretending based solely on the way that you seemed to enjoy teasing him.

You hummed softly, tapping your chin lightly before letting your hands drop down onto your lap. “I don’t mind a kiss.” You answered, and you sounded so sweet but your eyes contradicted the innocent tone that your words carried. Was he going to actually kiss you? He wanted to, he really did, but what would that mean if he did? It was only one kiss, right? “I’m joking, Kwannie… You don’t have to. How about I order us a-”

It was a spur of the moment thing honestly. He didn’t want you to change your mind, and he didn’t want you to think that he didn’t want to, and he practically pounced on top of you in his effort to move across the couch quick enough to stop you before you got up. His lips crashed against yours, and he didn’t really know the definition of a kiss. Did it mean a peck, or however long two people could keep their lips together before pulling back for air?

He wasn’t this kind of person, not usually, not at all really… But you brought out something in him that made him act this way, and he didn’t have a problem with it, he actually enjoyed the rush of adrenaline that coursed through him at the thought of something like this going on without anyone else knowing. The thrill of keeping something like this a secret was exciting, and he hoped that you felt the same way too, he didn’t want it to end so soon.

You didn’t try to push him off, a soft gasp escaped you once his body landed on top of yours, and the compromising position that the two of you were now in only made it harder for him to control the growing problem that was getting harder to conceal in his pants. It took all of two seconds for you to relax beneath him though, your lips moving in rhythm against each other as your fingers snaked themselves into his hair. His own hands worked to keep himself up, but he soon got lost in the moment, allowing his body to drop against yours.

A quiet moan escaped you and your hips jerked up instinctively at the feeling of him against you. The sound only had him pushing further against you though, wanting to elicit the same sound from you, wanting to hear it over and over and over again, the vibration of your whimpers against his lips egging him on, but the moment was short lived as his phone vibrated in his back pocket. “Shit…” He cursed, pulling away from you and taking a short second to admire how bruised and puffy your lips were, how absolutely stunning you looked lying beneath him, your eyes now wide with shock and the bun that had been sitting on your head falling apart, loose strands of hair falling around your face.

“I… I’m so sorry… I…” You stammered, quickly collecting yourself and getting up from the sofa, situating your hoodie before collecting the cups off the table to go into the kitchen. You were apologizing again for something that he had started, and now that his mind wasn’t clouded with lust, he was brought back to the main issue at hand. Were you that way because of your ex? But now there were even bigger problems. Did you still want to see him again? Had he overstepped his boundaries?

“No, no, it’s my fault… I… Do you want me to go?” He asked, his hand hovering over his pocket where his phone had finally ceased vibrating, his eyes filled with hope, but his heart and his brain were finally on the same page in assuming that he’d probably get kicked out right then and there.

“Do… Do you want to go?” Of course he didn’t, not after that especially. It would feel wrong to just leave after what had happened, and while most people would say it wasn’t much, it felt like a lot to him. “You can if you want… I got carried away and… I’m so sorry…” You continued apologizing and all he could do was shake his head, his own lips puffy and red, slightly parted as he continued staring at you.

You were standing at the kitchen sink, the water running as you rinsed the two cups, and he wondered if you were doing it just to keep yourself from having to see him walk out, something that he didn’t plan on doing anyway. Instead, he made his way over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist as he rested his chin on your shoulder, kissing your cheek softly before nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck. “I don’t want to go….” He whispered, letting himself rest lazily against your shoulder as he absentmindedly swayed both of your bodies back and forth.

He didn’t know what this was, he didn’t know what it would be. It felt like things were moving fast, maybe a little too fast, but he didn’t have you for long. Even if things worked out perfectly, he’d only have you for three months, and if anyone ever found out, it would be shorter than that. The time he had with you wasn’t long and he wanted to make the most of it while you were here with him.

taglist : @butterfliesinthenightsky @thedeeppoet @jcngh0-hq @seungkwan-s @yuzuxq

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