#legitimately no reason i should post this

[buckttommy]

hrmm. i feel like. there is a conversation to be had about whether or not a storyline is racist that a lot of you are not having and that conversation has a lot to do with intention.

i'm seeing a lot of people call this mara storyline racist and as a literal black woman, i just. do not get it. is mara a brown/black girl? yes. has she been traumatized/retraumatized beyond belief? yes! and that is horrible. but the question i don't see anyone asking is why? was there precedent? did the story just come out of nowhere or was there build? does the event make sense within the context of the story overall? and like. i mean. yeah. it does.

the groundwork for mara's introduction was laid last season with a different little girl, though the premise ("hen and karen are going to be adopting a girl") remained the same. the groundwork for conflict was also laid in 7x2 when ortiz's (an established person in power) son died under hen's care. these events led to the rising action and revenge we saw play out last night. this is a clear arc with a clear and defined progression that could make sense if exchanged for a predominantly white family without any significant changes and with all the same emotional (soul crushing) beats.

versus noah's storyline last season, which existed solely to prop up maddie as the hero white woman while coloring noah—a sweet, black boy—as a criminal. that was it. there was no build. there was no tension. there was no story, except to say "here is a black boy and he is bad." there wasn't any real cause, reason, or structure and that is what makes that storyline rancid. that is why i roll my eyes every single time. it is racially lazy, not to mention just kind of boring, and 9-1-1 can do and has done better.

so. on the topic of, like, "is this story racist or not?" the conversation should not be these characters are black and multiple bad things are happening to them, therefore this story is racist. but rather, the conversation (or critical analysis) surrounding the story should be does this storyline make sense within the context of the story itself? is there enough narrative and structural build to support this storyline or is/are the black character(s) being scapegoated? is this trauma porn for the sake of trauma porn or is there a legitimate story being told for a legitimate reason? (*non-black people are not equipped to answer that last question, as the topic of trauma porn is multifaceted and layered, but that doesn't mean the question still can't be asked and considered)

anyway. the point is. well. the point is, i really don't think you guys are asking the right questions tbh. lol. and that's frustrating to me because every conversation about racism gets swallowed up by what you guys think is racist and none of it ever really amounts to anything except to make people painfully reactionary and angry. both which i'm sure we can agree is not conducive to having a productive conversations about anything. so you see. anyway. that's all i have to say. back to bucktommy posting + eddie/bobby spiraling.

#I'm not answering asks about this #If you're going to be a dick fuck off #If you legitimately want to talk send me a DM #if you're going to agree with me: thanks #white people can reblog #but mostly I just want to say my piece and be done #tv: 911 #jack.txt

[brainrot-of-a-thot]

forward thinking, forward acting.

or, you don’t try to hide your feelings from them, featuring: bofurin + shishitoren

a/n: I decided to try and include more than just 5 characters max, so I had to switch up the format for this (for some reason, the tumblr app only allows a max of 10 pictures on one post, so I’m unable to attach a picture of each character) and I hope it’s not too… plain looking. anyway, on to the head canons!

c/w: language, and some brief suggestiveness. mostly just fluff, headcanon blurbs

sakura haruka.

of course, he’s taken aback by your blatant display of affection. from the instant you’d met him, you were practically throwing yourself at him, smothering him with attention that he’d never received before.

it had been happening ever since he enrolled at furin and wandered into this strange town; handshakes, shoulder pats, head pats, choke holds, even hugs — but that was all friendly or familial affection. and, even as dense and romantically challenged as he was, sakura could tell that your affection had much deeper roots.

you were always complimenting him, bringing him handmade bentos and baked treats, slipping love letters into his pocket or hand, hugging him, and even at times, gifting him with flowers.

it was flustering and overwhelming, but for some reason, sakura didn’t find himself angry about it. affection, admiration, and attention from you felt oddly… natural. and though he would grumble and even at times demand you to knock it off, he secretly loved it — and it made him strive to be a person worthy of that affection and praise.

hajime umemiya.

oh, gods, this man finds it so endearing.

you’re so bold about it, greeting him every day with a bright smile and even the occasional gift. you’re quick to offer any and all assistance to him simply to spend more time with him (which you very readily admit). you listen intently when he rants about his plants and favorite foods, all the while doing so with this look of sheer adoration on your face — like you could listen to him talk for days and never get tired of his voice.

simply put, your brazen affection makes umemiya feel like he’s on top of the world, standing alone as the only man in the solar system. and, to you, he is. and that wasn’t going to change.

hiragi toma.

he’s flustered as shit. I mean, you like him? you? like him? it feels like a fever dream to hiragi — you’re pretty, sweet, upfront, bubbly and charismatic, and he’s — well, him.

you’re always quick to reprimand him when he looks down on himself, and then you proceed to follow it up by every single thing you like about him. you ask him on dates constantly (some he agrees to, some he’s simply too busy to attend), and you shower him affection that could, to some, be described as smothering.

but it doesn’t feel that way for hiragi. truthfully, it doesn’t take him long to fall for you. your attention and love is like a drug — one he’d happily get addicted too.

suo hayato.

is nonchalant and reciprocating on the outside — completely screaming on the inside.

suo was used to hearing girls whisper about him; about how charming and mysterious he was, how strong he was, how much they’d love to get to know him. but they’d never had the gall to attempt to — whether it was because they were too shy or too certain of rejection was lost on suo.

but you — you completely flipped the script. you were brazen, bold, and unapologetic about it. you were immediately complimenting him, immediately expressing your blatant interest with a cheery, “suo, you should go on a date with me! I think we’d get along great!”

and of course, suo wants to play off how nervous and flustered you make him — so he agrees to your dates, reciprocates your advances and compliments back, until, somewhere along the line, he’d stopped doing it just to cover up his true feelings — suo hayato, for the first time in his life, had caught legitimate feelings, and was acting on them.

nirei akihiko.

boy, oh boy is he flustered. in some cases, when you offer him affection, and he’ll look at suo as if silently demanding if somehow the patched man had put you up to this.

nirei doesn’t think of himself as an attractive, pursuable man — but, as you’ve stated before, that’s something that you love about him.

you want to get to know him, not just on a friend level, but on one more intimate. his kindness and logical thinking had drawn you in, you said. his freckles remind you of constellations, and you wondered aloud if he had them anywhere else on his body (cue sakura fainting).

you bought him new notebooks. all the time. when you’d give him a new one, you’d smile at him and say, “watching you indulge in your hobby makes me happy.”

you legitimately liked him for him, and for a while, nirei struggled with that. but over time, he grew to believe in your intentions (how could he not? you were always so forward with them). and before nirei knew it, he was a taken man — and his girl was just as smitten with him as he was with her.

ren kaji.

okay, but why?

kaji isn’t objective to your advances — he doesn’t mind them, but he also doesn’t put a lot of stock into them. upon meeting you at first, he just assumed that was your personality; after all, he’d met his fair share of people who were just naturally flirty.

but it was when you began bringing him tokens of your affection that kaji realized it was different. before he knew it, he had a large bowl full of multi-flavored suckers in his room, courtesy of you bringing him a couple new ones every day, an entire drawer full of little charms and bracelets you’d hand crafted for him — even a couple new pairs of headphones for “just in case.”

you were constantly around him, your face brightening significantly upon seeing him, and you always asked him on dates.

and the moment he finally agreed to one, he wondered why he hadn’t sooner — because, wow, you were one hell of a woman.

choji tomiyama.

he just found his damn soulmate.

man is reciprocating your advances tenfold — you’re just like him, unapologetically brazen and forward with your desires. how could he ever hate someone like that? it makes him want to know you, to discover what kind of person you are, if the two of you can continue to resonate so well.

not to mention, you’re extremely pretty, and your energy levels can sometimes rival his. you indulge him in whatever activity he wants, even if it’s a little childish. when he’s with you, he feels giddy and happy, his chest lighter than ever.

it seems like in no time at all (it was three days) you two are courting with the intention of pursuing a relationship.

jo togame.

he’s smitten with you from the second he lays eyes on you.

you haven’t even approached him yet, but he’s already crushing. at first, he was too nervous to talk around you. the first day the two of you only swapped a couple words. togame had assumed the rest of the days would be the same, but the next morning you ran up to him as if the two of you had been friends for years.

“hey, toga! wait, can I call you toga? I like to give nicknames to the people I like!”

togame’s heart had leapt at that, but he kept his hopes low. he was sure you’d only meant it in a friendly way. togame had never been happier to be wrong.

the cute nickname was just the tip of the iceberg of your affection — it became blatantly obvious that your love language was physical touch and acts of service. you were constantly asking to accompany him whenever he went somewhere, butting into his chore of handing out sodas, amping him up before a fight and tending to his wounds afterwards.

and you were never hesitant to remind him that you liked him, that you hoped that someday explore something deeper than friendship. nearly every day.

you were perfect, in every sense of the word. and though it was difficult to believe this wasn’t just some sort of dream that he’d wake from soon, togame let himself relax and bask in your warmth in its entirety.

by the way, he’s marrying you someday.

#wind breaker #wind breaker x reader #windbreaker #windbreaker x reader #jo togame x reader #haruka sakura x reader #hajime umemiya x reader #hayato suo x reader #ren kaji x reader #hiragi toma x reader #nirei akihiko x reader #choji tomiyama x reader

[illegiblehandwriting1]

humans are funny because we like to eat things that want to eat us. And sometimes it's happening simultaneously, like kiwi and pineapple

#legitimately no reason i should post this #im going to anyway of course #i just ate a kiwi like an apple and it was good #occasionally i do things that remind me of idea that humans are space orcs #which. yeah. #who tf would eat something that dissolves them? #just imagining some human finding a kiwi in space #and it's a known toxin or smth to other people #but the human just says “ooh kiwi! sweet” and snarfs the whole thing down like an apple #cue horrified stares #same with caffeine #chicken scratch #humans are space orcs #i guess

[maryellencarter]

so i can't be arsed to actually give this OP the opportunity to verbally jack off at me, but i just saw a post where someone was complaining (validly) about the ludicrously high hardware requirements for upgrading to windows 11 -- i have a gaming macbook made in 2018 which i partitioned to windows and *that* can't even meet the motherboard specs -- but then turned it into a diatribe on how this was only a problem because you, personally, are too much of a little whiner to switch to linux.

and if i could climb through my phone and slap that person's face right off their skull, you can bet i'd do it. linux is crossfit for nerds. the first rule is that you have to holier-than-thou about it to everyone in earshot at all times, and the second rule is to give yourself a repetitive stress injury failing to make it work. not only is linux completely unsuitable for 90% of what people want to do on a computer, its whole design philosophy is antithetical to many of those things, such as "have a program I can find documentation for" and "work without having to write any code myself".

(and, crucially, "not have to listen to linux dickwads being snide in order to find out how to do things". calibre, the drm-stripping software, is a good example: it's permanently on my shitlist because some years ago, i picked it up to attempt to strip some drm as you do, and discovered that the part of the "manual" which would have told me how to do that was "The exact command line to use has been left as an exercise for the reader." Go jump off the continental shelf.)

i'm not turning off reblogs. feel free to share. but if you feel obligated to defend the honor of linux to me, consider that you've been sucking your own cock for so long you don't even realize your spine is stuck that way now, and don't bother.

#longterm followers may gather that that post triggered me pretty badly #(newer followers would probably find it useful to know that i very much mean that in the clinical ptsd sense) #but i'm not putting that in the main post because it isn't even the point #it doesn't matter that i have *airquotes* a legitimate reason to not use linux #(if any reason can be sufficient for those jerkoffs) #what matters is that they're being assfaces and they should stop (but will certainly not actually do so)

[bubu-pharmacy-doctor]

Ask drunk Baizhu anything for an equally drunk response

Nothing outwardly NSFW but suggestive-ness is allowed.

I'd like to say every time I get tipsy I put my blogs on a wheel and spin it to decide who's drunk, but I just sent a message to my friends saying "I'm thinking Nari or Baizhu" and Baizhu was the first one named.

THe main rules post

(Changsheng and Gui can still be addressed but are not drunk.)

#drunk baizhu era #the event #<- for quick finding later #if it becomes relevent again #i might legitimately make a wheel for this #to decide who get assigned drunk each time #please do note when i'm actually drunk i just don't rp #i don't have the mental capacity to do that #it's the same reason i don't write #i have no idea what shit happens #rules post will be pinned when i decide baizhu should sober up

[steakout-05]

eeuuaghh i would like everyone to know that i apologise if i have not responded to your reblogs/mentions/posts on tumblr, i have really terrible social anxiety and for some reason people talking to me makes my nervous system think i'm being hunted for sport by a resident evil boss. sorry if i havent responded i'm not being rude i'm just having a panic attack :P

additionally: social anxiety is actually the reason why a lot of my old posts from late 2022 had weird spacing and spelling mistakes. i was too anxious to type properly

#sorry this seems like a random thing to post but it has been bugging me for a little bit now and i want to post it #and by a little bit i mean the entire time i've been on this website #as for the reason i have social anxiety: i went to a really terrible high school full of dangerous people- #-who were literally like. the worst most bigoted people ever. not everyone there was bad of course but 90% of them were- #-and that stunted by social development by 5-6 years and now every time someone talks to me i feel like i'm about to get murdered #also primary school was. bad. the other kids could sniff out the autism in me and didn't like me for it #this post isn't directed towards anyone specifically but also it kinda is because there's a DM from someone- #-that i haven't responded to in literally 8 months and every time i think about it i get anxious #i'm sorry!!! i'm not trying to ignore you on purpose and i want to say something but my brain literally will not let me out of fear :( #i'm not used to getting talked to directly so every time i do my entire nervous system starts screaming and running in circles #it's kinda ridiculous because it's like. come on. why are you having a panic attack over a message on tumblr it's LITERALLY just words on- #-a screen what are you freaking out about. but also it's like hhhhh unfamiliar social situation scary. help. #unrelated to that but i am very worried about what people will think of me and like i know i really shouldn't worry about that- #-because i can't control what other people think of me and it really shouldn't be any of my or their business. but also- #-i have legitimate trauma that backs my fears up and every time someone is even slightly critical towards me my brain just goes- #-''see? it happened again i TOLD you it would happen again. idiot. you shouldn't have said anything'' #and then i hide and cry and lay in bed thinking about how i'm going to die until i suddenly snap out of it and think- #-''wait hang on why should i care. i love being a weirdo on the internet why should i let my anxieties stop me'' #and then it happens AGAIN and it's just a viscous cycle at that point #be silly on the internet -> detect slight criticism -> think everyone hates you again -> go back on your bullshit after 3 days of crying #and it makes sense because that exact same pattern happened to me countless times as a child. #be silly in school -> get made fun of for it -> get hated for it -> rinse and repeat until you think everyone is dangerous and they hate yo #if i could put it in a metaphor it would be like me being a little rabbit who thinks everyone is a scary wolf because of their big shadows- #-even though they're all also rabbits and i'm just paying attention to the scariest parts of them because i only know what wolves look like #trauma does fucked up things to your psyche lemmie tell you #social anxiety #anxiety disorder #i'm literally the ''too scared to order food'' stereotype except it's not a stereotype because it's real and every time i look at the 7/11- #-at my campus i go ''hm but what if they hate me for the food i buy there'' even though they're LITERALLY SELLING IT what is WRONG with me #anyway um. social anxiety sucks and i don't mean to not reply ro everyone who talks to me i am sorr y

[engagemythrusters]

begging solely-The Mandalorian fans to find another piece of Mandalorian lore/culture/history/etc to talk about other than a now-defunct laser sword used to keep one asshole family in power

#literally the VIZSLAS kept the myth of the darksaber to say that whoever weilds TARRE VIZSLAS SABER (that the VIZSLAS stole) is IN POWER #and yall genuinely think it is a legitimate form of government #DIN DJARIN IS NOT THE 'RIGHTFUL' RULER ITS LITERALLY JUST SOME DUDES SABER #*he wouldnt even want to be the ruler he would hate it so fucking much* #'but that's what would make him a good--' listen to me. if you think someone should be in charge that DOES NOT WANT TO BE IN CHARGE #that is STUPID #and YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD #that doesnt make good leaders that makes people fucking miserable all around. fiction lied to you about that sorry. #ANYWAY CAN WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE #LIKE THE FACT THAT MANDALORIANS ARE *GREAT* WITH TBIs #AND I SUSPECT THAT EXTENDS TO OTEHR DISABILITIES TOO #BASED ON THE REASONS SURROUNDING IT #ahem sorry #i just fucking HAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE those posts i get recommended #i wont make another mean post like this again im just ANNOYED #star wars: the mandalorian

[eleilinnrallin]

Me: Hey I'm trans.

People: Read The Bible

Me: only finding affirming things in bible study ... Yeah I'm doing that. I'm trans.

People: >:[

#personal #fr it's a little ridiculous #I'm just. so tired of *gestures at the State Of Things* #tired of people saying I'm an ''ideology'' and that I should be eradicated #tired of people saying my friends should be eradicated #tired of people trying to take away our access to safety and medical care and the ability to use the bathroom #like come on I just want to live #just let me be my genderfunky little Christian self #I am legitimately going to be moving to somewhere safer after college because there's no way I'm gonna feel safe here #but even so depending on how other things go... if national stuff goes down hill #it's going to be devastating #(main post only vaguely connected to this ig) #oh but also so many people just. don't get how genuinely hard it is to be queer and Christian #we were ''discussing'' why it can be hard to have faith in sunday school today #and like I brought up some very real reasons I struggle with faith sometimes #(other people. policies actively harming us. being called wrong and bad and whatever when we very much aren't.) #and the group just kinda backed off and was *scared* to have an actual discussion #like they didn't know how to react #and a lot of my queer friends aren't religious anymore so it's hard to have conversations about specific things like this with them #also genuinely when I've been studying in the bible I don't find anything anti-trans #I just find things that are really good to me and helpful *and that are supportive of me being trans* #yet for some reason I'm the bad guy #for some reason ''love others as I have loved you'' #and ''greater love has no man than this; that a man should lay down his life for his friends'' #has turned into ''eradicate trans people'' #''force people to either conform to your idea of Right or be severely punished'' #''it's ok to blatantly misgender and disrespect people'' #i. just. want. to. live. #I want to be a college kid messing off with friends and going to classes and not worrying about getting kicked off campus #I want to be able to sing in a register I can't reach by an octave when I try sing it

[oflgtfol]

it is really unfortunate the way suicidality is talked about nowadays because it’s either all a joke so it’s hard to discuss in a serious capacity or it’s so upsettingly serious that you can’t even discuss it without fear of like being institutionalized

#brot posts #im really glad to say this but ive had such a huge improvement this past month that like #for the first time in YEARS. i am not suicidal #dont know if its permanent but like it genuinely feels permanent because i have not gone this long without #thinking about it at least in passing #to go this long without a single thougjt of it at all feels like its permanent and i have to remind myself its literally been A Month #but anyway #sorry i saw a post thats only tangentially related to this but im like. irked right now #like its hard to stress this in the current har har i m gonna kill myself era. but like if you seriously think negatively about #people who are suicidal or have killed themselves; if you're religious and believe suicide is a mortal sin; if you cannot offer #any sort of reasonable sympathy for someone who is suicidal #then like. im sorry! but that is ableism! #it feels kinda wild to associate ableism with suicidality what with the current environment and weird funny-zation of being suicidal #but like legitimately. this is a mental illness. it is not a laughing matter and it should be met with kindness and an appropriate #level of weight that it deserves - not levity. not annoyance. and not brushing it off for whatever reason #im saying this with the clear head that i now have a month into zero suicidal thoughts after years of daily suicidal thoughts #having that stark contrast in the quality of my life really shines a light on just how utterly fucked it was to live like that #and it really smarts at me to finally reach the light at the end of the tunnel and then have people act like it wasnt as bad as it was #people who have never experienced it before themselves - like who are you to tell me my own life and experiences and illness? #to act like it wasnt even an illness in the first place?

[princesspeach5]

I wouldn't even necessarily mind a layout change if it were good but with the negative association I have with twitter, opening tumblr to the exact twitter layout is actually making me angry + the more time I spend on it it does feel cramped + the notifs on "following" (and now "home") are sooooo annoying somehow it's worse to me than the sparkling store icon and it's harder to just ignore than the notifs on "activity" because at least those max out and stay the same whereas this is constantly changing. the constant glitchy-looking appearing and disappearing of the following/for you bar as I'm scrolling was irritating enough without a changing number on it (also why would it make sense for that bar of all things to follow you down your dash. even if I used the for you tab, why would I switch in the middle of scrolling and lose my place?? it doesn't make any sense). but I'm getting off-topic. I don't understand every website copying all of twitter's famous-for-being-bad decisions right now. I hope all the things people are trying will work. looking forward to the probable xkit fix. thank you xkit devs for everything.

#also it's harder to find everything now! left that out of the post bc that just comes with moving things around but it's still annoying #this is so obvious it almost has me wondering if it's bad on purpose for some reason. except that they're making other bad changes too #tumblr update #this is actually a good reminder that there are probably things I conditioned myself to ignore that I might actually be able to change #with ublock or xkit #sometimes curating your experience also means changing the actual site #legitimately there are some things on a site you get used to and they aren't bad but there are Definitely other things #that when you get rid of them after a long time it's such a relief because it really was bothering you #'if you don't like it try to change it' are words to live by (with anything tech really) and easy to forget. I should look into it #personal

[bumbleblurr]

head in my hands I hate u speed racer reference on blurrs tfwiki page I hate u

#the number of times its made ppl legitimately think blurr & bee are siblings is unreal #one time i saw someone make a video edit of those 2 and i was like :D! #and then they Fucking. put that screenshot at the beginning of it to be like THEYRE SIBLINGS DONT SHIP THEM #and it ruined my day #and on deviantart theres a lot of old comments on blurrb art there #that say theyre siblings too #like girl no theyre not they literally aren't 😭 #AND IT KEEPS HAPPENING STILL #like. i get it if someone isnt that familiar with tfwiki and dont realize that all image captions are jokes #but girl this still happens too much like look at other tfwiki pages besides just 1 singular page already goddamn #plus im p sure theres more image captions on blurrs page that would help someone realize theyre all jokes anyway #idk i just hate how much confusion that caption has caused and i wish i could just change it but thats against the wiki rules </3 #i should be grateful this is the amount if discourse the ship gets bc ppl never think abt blurrb when arguing abt bee ships for some reason #nobody thinks of them except me and like 15 other ppl here #ppl do forget the pairing exists legitimately #which to me its like how has them being a duo romantically or platonically never crossed ur mind at all. how #whatever tho that means discourse does not rlly exist beyond ppl getting confused abt that caption #crossing my fingers that i did not just jinx this now #and that someone wont immediately post abt how blur/bee is problematic based on made up not real info #btw this post is not for pr0shippers i am not ur side go fuck off #🐝 could you repeat the last part? 🟦

[silkylious]

I'm genuinely not trying to be rude so I hope you don't take it that way but I followed you for your writing and you don't even write that much anymore

I'm just saying make a side blog for all the edits and gifs and art because people didn't follow you for that they followed you for writing (which you don't do much of anymore)

you know you can always unfollow this blog, right

#i don't really check my notifications for my main all that much anymore and this is the reason #i get that part of it is because people appreciate my writing and want more of it #but have you considered #i have a life? crazy ik #between senior year and university applications and and traveling to and from egypt i think you should get why i don't have as much time #to finish wips and post them #it bothers me even more than it bothers you trust me lol #not a day goes by when i don't think about how i have so many unfinished wips that i just don't have the time or energy to complete rn #but also like. my future's at stake here lol this is a very crucial period of my life sorry writing fanfiction isn't my priority rn #also ???? what's wrong with keeping other types of fan content on my main LMAO #legitimately don't?? understand?? the problem with that??? they're all fandoms that i write for what's the issue here 😭 #if it's flooding your dash (even though it's presumably from fandoms you followed me for skull emoji) unfollow this blog no hard feelings #don't tell me how to run my blog ty #anyway if you think this in any way shape or form makes me wanna write again i'm sorry to disappoint 💀 #silky smooth chats #anon

[lilgynt]

listen peace and love imma need ed blogs to start killing themselves

#personal #ed warning #like wish y’all the best hope you get into recovery #but i am SICK. of personal posts like #hm recovery is super hard but i’m trying :) ending up with a bunch of thinspo blogs rebloging or liking #bc i mentioned a bad eating habit im struggling with #especially when i say shit like ed blogs don’t interact #or randomly getting followed by them #like i don’t think ed blogs should exist full stop #but i get needing a space to talk freely about that topic #but i don’t know what they don’t get about not interacting with non ed blogs #just don’t! don’t follow don’t like don’t do anything #i don’t want to check on a blog following me and then just get HIT with a bunch of pro ana shit and keeping track of each other #im not triggered or anything but it’s the principle #like getting through my eating disorder was one of the hardest things ever #and i’m still workout through it #everyday for several reasons it’s easier just to do what i used to do #legitimately what’s easier saving money and not cooking or ordering food if needed and cooking when needed? #shits hard and i worked hard for it. my body changed my mind changed everything about me changed #and i’m always struggling with that change. i feel like a stranger in my body with needs that aren’t MINE. #they are but i’m not used to them #just to have some asshole - sick or not you are an asshole if you interact with blogs outside of ur little #fucked up club - come by like hey! blast from the past :) #like i do genuinely wish you all the best but imma need some of y’all to start dying

[unidentifiedfuckingthing]

even though your feelings are always real, they arent always fair or useful. the crime rate is the lowest it's been in decades but the fear of violent crime and belief in your own victimhood is what leads people to call 911 on a black man walking in a neighborhood or be too disgusted to touch or talk to a homeless person. its not cold calculating evil! its real physical fear and the feeling of safety in some associated action. it's a normal & reasonable self-protective instinct, but its informed by a false understanding of what will make you safe or unsafe, and acting on it can hurt other people. your right to feel fear or disgust or safety is sometimes in opposition to other people's health and material safety- and often in opposition to your own real safety, if you constantly live under a fear that isn't realistic or useful and precludes you from enjoying safety you physically have access to.

so: it's in the interest of your own safety and the safety of your community to be aware of the lifestyle your fears lead you to lead and to work toward shedding fears that aren't true or helpful. its difficult because it feels like the most evil thing in the world but you can just decide to stop feeling upset by something whenever you want. it feels bad!! i think theres probably a natural human aversion to changing our minds about fundamental preconceptions about safety because thats what keeps us from getting eaten by tigers. but everything serves an end, and it's good to hold your belief system to a standard of utility and truthfulness, to the best of your knowledge, and when you learn new things about the world, be gracious enough to adjust. a lot of the time, also, if you don't feel comfortable taking a stance because you need more information or have conflicting records of the truth you can find a lot of useful real-world data and opinion on the internet, and here, as in all things, it's vital & greatly expands your world to cultivate good research skills and credulity. now, unrelated trivia: genuine paraphilic attraction to children isnt a reliable indicator or even correlate of past or future attempts to sexually abuse children

#u know i feel like a lot of therapy is about trying to get to this point but not explaining any of the reasons why except that it'll make #you normal which is like..... a good motivator sometimes i guess but fucking stupid when its not #therapists are so funny almost all of them are just so shit at their job #i feel like it's not as much my place to get into but ive been thinking about this a lot in the context of real history of ethnic #oppression being coopted to create & legitimize the amount of racialized hatred and fear toward arabs required to keep the wheels turning #on the military and cultural aggression of the z¡onist project #like theres a long history of manufacturing western fear to justify war in the middle east but i think theres very different connotations #to the fully manufactured racial fears of the white american #this is unrelated. but did you know enough people have tagged posts with 'joe biden is a rabid dog and should be beaten to death with a #stick' that tumblr will suggest to autocomplete that tag. i think thats delightful

[kinemortophobian]

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#the understaffing at my job is insane rn #to the point where im making a vent post on TUMBLR THE APP about it #im like Girl what if i just. died #the fact that im the only one working legitimately half the time is insane!! #all the other students work like. 10 hours. and then theres me #its at the point where im frustrated and angry constantly both at work and outside of work #which is not good for me or anyone else lol #and i just literally do not have time to do schoolwork so im failing like two weeks into the semester #idfk what to do about it other than threaten to quit #i dont even need the money theres no fucking reason i should be working 30 hours a week lol #😀🔫

[fingertipsmp3]

I have no proof or anything but I’m pretty sure this man, who called me twice and left two messages, is now rejecting my calls

#so one thing about me is that probably 99% of the time i have my phone set so that calls not from my contacts don’t come through unless the #person calls twice within a two minute period (this would identify someone who really wants to talk to me) #reason for this is i have really bad phone anxiety which i think stems from when i was a teenager & me and my mom were under investigation #because i truanted so much. the truancy officer at my school would call our house phone incessantly to try to intimidate me into picking up #so that she could guilt trip me and tell me about how my mom could go to prison for not sending me to school #she literally sat outside our house once in a car just calling and calling the phone and then she started knocking on the door as well #i was also home alone and knew the law which was that technically i was an abandoned child and also one that should legally have been #at school at that time because there was nothing visibly wrong with me (mentally though…… that was a different matter) #anyway so i hate answering my phone lol. i only turn off the screening setting if i’m expecting a call #but i find that it causes less problems than you’d think because most people (e.g. this man) who are legitimately trying to call me #will leave voicemails. i also tend to add people to my contacts immediately so that they can get through; even if i don’t necessarily plan #on calling them much. like my doctor; dentist; all my old workplaces; any job i’ve applied for that has a bit of a lengthy process #all will be in my contacts so that the call will come through properly and i will see it’s them and be able to answer #so anyway. this guy called yesterday morning and it didn’t come through so i listened to the voicemail and found out he was calling #in relation to a job application i definitely remember making. great! i decided i’d call him after physio #except after physio i went to my grandma’s and then tesco and then by the time i got home it was 3:30pm and i realised i’d skipped lunch #so i made hotdogs and then checked the post and discovered that the photos i’d had printed of mabel had arrived so it was time to have a cry #then trick or treating started in my neighbourhood. and basically long story short i forgot all about that call #until i missed another one from him 45 minutes ago. this time i was like okay; i’m home alone; let me just call him now and get it over with #i get his voicemail. i’m not leaving a fucking voicemail. i decide to eat breakfast and then call again #tell me why it rings LESS times this time 🧐 but i still get his voicemail again 🧐🧐🧐 #is this motherfucker rejecting my calls because he’s mad that he had to leave two voicemails??? no one asked you to leave the second one #i GOT the first one and i want/need this job. i was going to call you back sooner or later goddamn #anyway tl;dr i don’t know what to do now. i have a lunch meeting which splits my day in half so i think i’ll try again after that #and if i still don’t get through to this man i’ll just add him to my contacts and hopefully he can get through to me if he tries again #personal