#like ??? please care about me thats all i want

[krak3n23]

Aus I want to see for AFTG but i don't have the writing juice (depression straw is currently more powerful) to write them myself at present however I do want to write these. If you know of fics that are these Aus, please tell me and I'll astral project to kiss your forehead.

Shadow and Bone- Neil as Alina is not required but whoever is Alina better not end up with whoever is Mal. I'm a Malina hater first and foremost boys not gonna lie. I would also appreciate any Six of Crows Aus for the Foxes as well. Neil as Kaz makes logical sense to me ya know? Andrew obviously as Inej. Everyone else idk.

Secret History- I have no idea how I'd do this as a direct mirror Au (character for character), but something like how If we were Villains is an Au of this book, that could work better I think, put Exy in place of the area of academia, have them murder a guy. If we go character for character... Neil obviously as Richard, Nicky works well for Francis, Kevin as Henry OR Camilla, Aaron as Charles, Andrew as Camilla OR Henry, Riko as Charles OR Bunny. Pick a Bunny based on weather you wanna utilize an in universe death (Seth), or if you don't understand the grey morality of the murder and hate Riko (Riko), or if you are a Riko apologist but do understand the grey morality of the story (Riko), or you wanna really highlight the grey morality and want specifically AFTG fans to get it (Dan or Renee). Everyone else? idk.

The Great Gatsby- This would be such a hear me out fic. Similar to previous it depends on how you analyze both stories. Kevin could be Daisy, Tom would be played by Riko, Gatsby as either Neil or Andrew, Nick as either Neil or Andrew, idk about Jordan, Myrtle as Jean or Seth. And it all depends on who you ship in the original novel and the series, this could be a great Kandriel fic I think, (Daisy is based on Fitzgerald's wife and the narrator is not just her cousin, he's also Fitzgerald's author insert so they have a lot of tension). The benefit of a Gatsby fic I think is the sheer angst at the end.

Dracula- I don't care how, I just want to see it.

Anyways thats a non extensive list of Aus I may never write but that I think about sometimes.

#aftg #tsc #jean moreau #andrew minyard #kevin day #neil josten #all for the game #I want them in situations #I hate Mal a lot man #Alina fucked up the easiest game of fuck marry kill I've ever seen #Large polycule fic for dracula... Andrew is Jonathan Harker #Kevin could be Lucy.

[rxttenfish]

while aaravi remains firmly within "yeah miranda has a difficult personality and isn't very easy to get along with + has many rough edges which are slowly being worked on but still going to be an issue" after having been very much so within the camp that miranda is a Vexing Bitch upon first contact/getting to know her, she DOES go from "miranda is unpredictable and dangerous as a merfolk and large macropredator and her emotions are inscrutable and random" to "merfolk aren't very hard to understand or predict and it's very easy to stay on the safe side if you keep basic rules in mind and don't freak out the second something unexpected happens"

#all the care guide says is 'biomass' #miravi.txt #just. thinking about it! #thinking about specifically how merfolk (like most other animals) growl/hiss specifically as a deterrent #like if you start really upsetting miri and she wants space and you to Please Stop #she will probably turn her face away from the other person or turn her body away from them #while growling or hissing and pulling her fins back #and will open her mouth to bare her teeth or gape her mouth open to show her teeth (including heavily panting) #where the point is ''i will hurt you if you touch me/get closer/dont stop so please dont do that'' #but a lot of people read it as her being either obtuse (if she turns away from them) #or outright aggressive for the showing of teeth and growling #when shes really not. shes being very polite in merfolk terms in giving multiple chances to avoid violence #shes going ''i am worried i might have to hurt you so please reconsider'' in a way thats very readable if youre another merfolk #who will then step away or give her her space and switch the tone of the conversation #to see whats wrong #whereas her being more deliberately aggressive/violent usually comes with minimal vocal cues at all #or (if shes specifically threatening someone such as in the case of getting aggressive over perceived threats to her social bonds) #she will often turn towards them and open her mouth and flare her fins #often deliberately closing the distance and making herself appear Extra Large #she WILL growl here but will never hiss (hissing being a more defensive sound) #and will often smack her tail against the ground or show her claws or otherwise demonstrate how large and how scary she is #as a deliberate point of ''you crossed a line and this is what is going to happen to you if you dont make it up right now'' #which! both require VERY different responses but might look similar to a human! #and might end up coming off as unpredictable or random in her actions and cruelty! #when shes not! shes just doing things the way a merfolk does them #which means aaravi realizes VERY quickly after learning about all of this #just how many cues miranda gives that people are starting to make her uncomfortable and feel Not Okay #that are ignored or written off because theyre merfolk cues #merfolk are very tolerant of stress but have basically no concept of escalation of violence for that reason #because if youve ignored every chance to prevent something dangerous up until the point it goes too far

[arsenicflame]

hey does anyone wanna bounce bellhands/they all went to pirate school together ideas with me? im trying to figure out the missing pieces of my personal set up and it might be easier with someone else!

#if youve never spoken to me before please be aware i will type a whole paragraph in response to one (1) sentence #but if ur down for that! please. #ive got like. the start and the end and a couple bits in the middle fleshed out but it doesn't f l o w #this is the problem with trying to condense more than a years of ideas into one cohesive narrative. i usually swap and change things as #and when it suits so im like. i don't know what i need in this #its just for my silly little tumblr post but #i would appreciate it <3 #i can send you what ive wrote and we can go from there or we can start from scratch bouncing ideas or u can just ask me questions #or something to help fill in gaps idk whatever works for u! what ive got is like. a fuckin mess honestly its ramblings and half finished #thoughts and just. its. a complete state and thats not even touching on whats missing (like. anything that matters in the middle basically) #nyxtalks #ofmd #bellhands #sam bellamy #izzy hands #israel hands #if you're unfamiliar with the concept: its Hornigold era stuff; jack + ed + izzy + sam all sailing under him and learning the ropes togethe #im not trying to go into too many details; just the underlying structure that is what I think of when i think of them #its probably not something anyone else cares about but i think i need it for some of the more fun 'what if Izzy went with sam' posts #i realised if i wanted to say what the divergence point was i Needed to establish all this lol #'oh yeah its when izzy chooses sam after the mutiny despite their argument' NYX WHAT ARGUMENT. you need to tell us what u mean

[motordyk]

maybe this vacation was a good idea

#cw abuse #cw child abuse #the more i think on it the more i start to remember #i cant believe id forgotten about this part of my life. its really starting to come back to me #i dont remember the finer details but i am remembering that asshole kid and that he didnt treat me very well #he was very frustrating to be around and i really didnt like him #posting this here because god knows i dont have the energy to send it to each individual server that i want people to see #and im alright with having this be public knowledge. even with the risks that come with it #all i ask is that if you want to ask me anything about this or if you want to know anything at all #please #please please please please PLEASE for the love of god be gentle with me #i literally just found out about this like an hour ago so the shock is still very much fresh #if youre a friend of mine im more likely to trust you but if youre on anon consider your words VERY carefully. very carefully #im thick-skinned when it comes to stuff like this but even now im still a little bit rattled #i think thats all i have to say on this. i love you guys <3 please take care of yourselves

[shedidntevenswear]

Here’s where I think we get how we talk about Taylor’s song inspirations (or what @namemarjorie has called Muse Politics) wrong: while early days I think they were probably a lot more literal, we also know that she’s been making up stories for songs since she was like 12 and that she’s incredibly skilled at writing GOOD songs, not just 100% historically accurate songs. 

Back in 2010 I was at a Parachute concert and ended up chatting with a member of the band (not Will Anderson sadly, I may have passed away if it was) after he commented on my Speak Now shirt and asked about what songs Will had written about Taylor, and he said something that really stuck with me. Will, like most songwriters, takes inspiration from a lot of different places so *parts* of songs are about a person, and the whole song may be capturing the emotions felt with that person, but not very many songs are factually about one single person. 

I think this absolutely is how Taylor writes. It’s diaristic, yes, but not in the way that every word and phrase can be mapped back to a real historical moment in time for her. There are, of course, real things that are public knowledge that she references in songs so we know they are grounded in fact, and probably a lot of private moments grounded in fact that we’ll never have confirmation of. But there are also metaphors and imagery and just things she spun up that sound nice and paint the emotional picture she’s trying to convey. She’s an artist, not a reporter. Dissecting every word to every song and then claiming ultimate knowledge of every relationship she’s had is a wasted exercise, and, in my opinion, missing the point of the art. 

#amanda please #and for reference the answer to what parachute songs reference taylor #its white dress and kiss me slowly #also if anyone wants to get on the topic of how this also applies to scripture i could go OFF #like you gotta look at what youre supposed to learn from the whole story not just take one verse super literally #also please dont take this as me saying all speaking of who songs are about is off limits or dumb or anything #because i think there is value in understanding the context a piece of art was created in so that you can better liken it to you #thats like the point of plaques next to art in museums to give context #but if you end up caring more about the plaque than the art that defeats the purpose

[astranauticus]

ok i like rushed through the whole orv webtoon way too fast so now i have thoughts going in like 5 different directions but ep121-123 drive me so fucking insane actually. every time i think about those two conversations i have to sit down

#orv #orv liveblog #like i feel like depictions of childhood abuse in fiction tend to depiction the relationship as some version of #'the one evil violent parent and the one good parent trying their best (it wasnt good enough)' #see: the twins parents from lc s2 is the obvious one but also like #going back to my roots lol but enji and rei todoroki? or hell even fire lord ozai and ursa #yknow theres this idea of like theres the one who was trying! and the one who fucked it all up #well yeah rei's the one who scarred her sons face but thats so obviously framed as like a trauma response outside of her control #like its not something youre reeaally meant to blame her for yknow #the WHOLE idea with kim dokja's conversation with yoo sangah is whether he's supposed to blame/forgive lee sookyung #wait ok those conversations drive me so insane like im feeling the alevel literature urge to fuckin close read quotes #that one line where he thinks like this is the vilest form of violence he can use against sangah goes by SO fast but it hit me SO hard #the idea of asking her to put herself in this nightmare situation she has no frame of reference for understanding or empathising with #and then asking her as someone who she rly cares about! to be the judge in this situation she cannot possibly fully grasp #and all of that being framed as an act of violence towards her. like asking her to do this knowing she cant possibly do it #but also 'did you want me to seem pleased to see you' 'a little (lie)' and 'do you think of me as a mother' 'a little (lie)' #like the pretense of a normal relationship over the yeah we know our relationships fucked over the #unfortunately we still talk and think in the same way and we understand each other way too well #ok wait but circling back to the original point. i saw this fucking incredible fanart on twitter that sort of goes into the like #how do you?? handle?? not knowing if youre supposed to blame your parent for something that they did that hurt you #like its this little animation thing thats all in kdj's internal monologue except for one line where its him saying #'im terrible. i deserved what she did to me' #and its like. yeah that would be easier huh. like the self loathing is easier to handle than the confusion and cognitive dissonance #full disclosure i saw that fanart literally a year ago before i knew jack shit about orv and the sentiment hit me SO HARD i just #havent been able to stop thinking about it for a whole year. like as soon as i finished 123 i immediately went to look for it in my archive #i checked the artist has a tumblr but that art is not on it and it bugs me so much i want them to know that they somehow like #managed to make art so painful it defeated both my non-orv reading self and my lifelong severe memory problems #i mean in comparison that line (that also went by alarmingly fast) about how without twsa back then like kdj would not be here today #like not so much to dig into just. Yikes #and him telling ysa all of this with that fucking smile on his face like thats the part that really gets to me just his *fucking expression

[elurin]

schools in the US (at least the ones I attended) present such glowing view of earthworms and people get such a bad impression that they're always good for the environment and it makes me so sad. like. please. why are you teaching that in this state (mn). every earthworm in this state is invasive and some of them are ruining our forest ecosystems but you guys are out here convincing people its okay and even good to release earthworms into the wild. there's basically nothing that can be done about them once they are somewhere so we just need people to stop spreading them. please. why are we teaching the kids earthworms good for environment always. they're gonna pour their parents' extra live bait into the forest floor. their parents think the same thing so they might do it anyway. they are so slow to spread if we don't do it for them.

#earthworms #invasive species #minnesota #anywhere in north america that had glaciers probably has no native earthworms they're all invasive #if you have borreal forest the earthworms are probably super bad for them #i'm minnesota so thats what i'm sure about though. if you're in minnesota please keep your earthworms to yourself esp up north #if you're: #fishing #composting #mulching #gardening #please be careful #jumping worm is the current big problem and lots of people are working on it #if you can and you're in minnesota researchers are trying to track where they are and aren't this fall so you can check your yard #and let them know if you want!! #this post brought to you by: #really trying not to bring my earthworm thing up to people irl again #someone mentioned earthworms and like 4 people looked at me so maybe it is a problem #i am not an earthworm expert

[dyketubbo]

oh also this is mostly so it can go down on record but clarification with the note abt shipping in my intro post abt not minding shipping unless its done with jaiden: i still consider qprs to be shipping as i always have because theyre still intimate relationships that you dont just like.. have with just anybodu. but if you see (ic) roier and jaiden as qprs i dont mind since they have iirc called themselves partners just not married/romantic. so while qprs are still shipping to me nonetheless since its pretty close to what theyve described themselves as in canon queerplatonic roier and jaiden enjoyers are fine by me

#also in part saying this because ill be honest im still like. affected by what the qpe techza drama did to me #i genuinely still get anxious and like. i dont know i start having a genuine trauma reaction when i think about #how people treated me because of that. all bc i said i saw qprs as shipping and wanted people to think more critically #about how they depicted and talked about qprs and how people would treat qprs as a way to get around shipping boundaries #and how all the people who shoved that stupid fucking clip in my face clearly didnt give a shit aboht listening to me #or even gave an actual shit about qprs. because not a single one of them pointed out how shit the explanation was for that dono #im forever grateful phil researched it on his own and came to his conclusion based off that research #and i forever fucking hate every single person who treated me like shit and genuinely saw no problem with acting like #'platonic soulmate headcanons' was the best way to describe qprs #fuck everyone who treated me like shit for saying qprs are shipping #fuck everyone who spread misinfo and claimed *i* was the one saying qprs are 'just friends' #fuck everyone who cared more about proving a point and having their little white mlm ship #than actually fucking listening to me and the others who were desperately trying to get qprs to be treated seriously #because i can fucking assure you the people i saw did not treat them seriously. not at fucking all. all it was to them was romance /p #and thats disgusting and i hope the qpr roier and jaiden people are better. please be better. and please respect me about this #thank you #mask mews #qsmp #roier #jaiden

[anaalnathrakhs]

"people love you uwu people care about you" okay? not my problem. love me less. can we work out a reasonable level of care where it's obviously not cool if horrible things happen to me, a human being, and you won't do any horrible thing to me, but you don't feel obligated to fuss over anything out of the ordinary i do and i have to shut up about it and perform Normal Human Emotions lest i commit an awful social faux pas and hurt your feelings?

#like idk. can you care about stuff that matters? i guess is what i'm asking? #sorry that my own self-directed problems hurt you <3 #sorry that i'm a horrible person if i talk about it and a horrible person if i don't <3 #i just shouldn't have problems i guess cant believe i didnt think abt that #sorry i don't really care if people would be sad to see me die #would actually be pretty nice to get past the huge feeling of guilt over not being helpful all the fucking time #like i can't go through life being a service dog for everybody around me #(and i dont to be clear. it's not possible and when i say i feel guilty over not doing it it doesn't mean i do 100% of the time) #(i do try to be helpful and useful and i hate missing an opportunity but also i don't have 24/7 free of obligations) #(and i can't magically spot and correctly understand what could need help) #(but i feel like it does take up a good portion of my life. mostly bc everybody around me has Problems rn) #(and because the overlap of ''things that feel good for me'' and ''things that are good for other people'' is pretty small so far) #it's just. yknow. i would like it if for once i could express a negative feeling without it being a huge offense to people around me #ejhrkthrjeh i know i'm just asking the universe if pretty please my actions could have zero consequences and it's overall unrealistic #but like. god. i wish for once it was met with indifference. casual vibes. not a huge deal yknow. #some of my friends do sometimes! it's nice! but of course i can't talk abt the problems that directly include them #i know it makes me so shit at reacting to ppls problems. like either i overcompensate with the worry cuz i feel like thats what they want #or i react coldly and dont provide anything useful to the situation #broadcasting my misery #vent

[dirt-str1der]

Yaoi has poisoned all of your fucking brains !!

#Yakuza HATEblog #i dont want to hear about the new yakuza trailer where kiryu proposed to soemone he wouldnnever do that thats so scary #also they refered to sayama as the cop lady like please show some respect to her she didnt be annoying for you to forget her #ive become homophobic now because i hated seeing a particular post so much like that will never happen you are crazy #like no this isnt how kzmj can win they have never even once considered a future together because kiryus foreplanning ended when he lost #his brother and majima has spent half her life waiting for saejima to come back like they have more important things to worry about #and kiryu is not able to share his kids with anybody he cant simultaneously raise haruka with someone he has to either be a single dad or an #absent dad no in between and sometimes haruka is left parentless in the middle of that mess but its not kiryus problem hes driving cars amd #beating people up .... well he does care sorry for insinuating he doesnt ... he thinks about his kids every day #but i guarantee you he does not think about majima every day i swear it to you he does not care about her that much !!! i have to forever #stress this doesnt mean that he hates majima but it simply means that shes not his priority AND SHE WILL NEVER BE !!! kiryu will never #risk it all just for a suckle on that majiwilly like he doesnt like her that much ... if kiryu didnt even give majima so much as a phonecall #when he was ignoring her the entirety of y3 AFTER tossing her back to the wolves just so he can play house at okinawa.. hes not going to #suddenly realise that he wants to spend the rest of his life with majima hes going to be pondering how miserable he is while beating the #fuck out of people because sorry i didnt actually pay attention to the gaiden stuff is kiryu a hitman now or some sort of mercenary either #way its so hot that hes paralleled by y0 majima because hes so depressed and wants to kill himself and forced to wear a nice suit and do #things he doesnt want to while being kept on a tight leash like hohooho ... have sex with me ...!!! #im going to kill him myself to put him out of his misery if i have to ... just let kiryu run off to america and join the cia im kidding but #wait i just thought of him actually running off and sayama pulling some strings in the force to keep people from looking for him because #shes like a bigshot cop now ... i think she should be able to cradle him gently and keep him like a show cat #a shivering wet penis in the rain and she takes him in and gives him a loving home ... i feel a little embarrassed talking about hetships #but the concept of kiryu just being in her house and living with her is making me laugh like wow ... hes straight now.... like obviously hes #still not going to be like lets get married 🥰 but sayama would want to... i believe that she could forge their documents so kiryu isnt an #illegal immigrant anymore and she gives him an american name so john yakuza can become real ... its like a fake dating au but they really #arent dating theyre just having sex and acting out scenes from a kdrama but eventually kiryu will have to go back because hes so sad #without his kids and he needs to see them one last time to pass away peacefully. sorry i just remembered how much older kiryu was than #sayama like thats a bit funny ... like i still think kiryu should be into older guys or girls but like we cant always have that happen #like how majimas options for getting fucked by creepy old guys are getting lesser year by year because those old geezers keep dying and hes #old now too ... like theyre so old thats fucked. i know ive been saying how kzmj can never win but i do think majima should breastfeed kiryu

[bitchfitch]

So, Conrí and Gwyn went through a few major story iterations before I settled on their current 'Isekai but it's about a giant wolf man trying to get home to his kids while an old wizard and the wizard's roommate slow him down' but I still have all of my original draft fragments and I found one of them again last night and have been kinda. picking at it. Because there was something There.

These two rival kings with a long standing feud between their families. As different as two men can physically be from each other. Notions of honor and revenge and grudgingly respecting the other despite all the bad blood. There's a Vibe.

A massive wolven monster in a snow storm, its fur just as white as the snow. a young man in red who has Everything, and everything to lose.

But I couldn't make it work. for over a year, I couldn't Find It. the angle. The thing that would make this worth telling.

But Finally. FINALLY. I've found the three things that needed to change to make the story work.

1. They don't meet as equals. The wolven king is aged and settled into his throne, his territory thrives under his reign. The human one is young, his crown still sized to fit his father instead of him, his country is at war and he knows they have no hope of winning it if he can't find an ally to fight with them.

2. The wolven king is still an arrogant cock of a man, but his cruelness is heavily tempered by the fact he's only mean when people are looking. The newly crowned kinglet isn't who has wronged Wolf King even if he is going to use him to get back at the rest of the family. Human King's own arrogance is now tempered by his lack of experience, he acts the part but is fully aware that he doesn't know what he's doing and needs guidance from someone who does.

3. The bad blood is that once upon a time Wolf King had a Wolf Queen, and she dumped him for Human King's (much older relative) bc Wolf King sucks and to this day he Still believes she was forced to leave him and not that she just got tired of his shit and left 100% of her own accord.

I haven't come up with names for the secondary and tertiary cast yet but Wolf King is Maelgwn, and human king is Erasyl. When I have time and brain space for it I'm drawing them and bitching about having to name them that instead of Conrí and Gwyn. bc like. These were the characters Those names were chosen for originally and they fit these guys better than the Isekai guys.

#anyways the thing i needed was the plot of 'your family stole someone important from me so im stealing someone from them' #Thats Maelgwn's motivation. #also hes just lonely. Hes still holding out for Wolf Queen and hasnt pursued any other relationships and kinda needs the excuse for like #being able to hug someone and be vulnerable with another person from time to time. and to like not wake up totally alone in the world #And also he became a much more fun character to write with the personality adjustment from 'grr im a big mean wolf man' #to someone is in the room: Im big and scary and the Master in this relationship this is my Pet who i domt care about at all / #alone w/ Erasyl: Are you ok? Do you need anything? if youre tired Id be happy to cary you Do you want to cuddle maybe? please dont leave me

[robbyykeene]

Long rant about season 4, Johnny Lawrence, and the deterioration of the writing below so feel free to ignore this, but I just feel like I haven’t actually coherently expressed my main gripe with season 4 here.

In season 1 johnny is introduced and he’s racist, misogynistic, bullies kids based on their physical appearance, etc. etc. etc. And these are clearly his Bad Traits that are explicitly condemned by the narrative. When not portrayed as something that has explicit negative consequences (ie basically causing Hawk to go full incel), at the very least the story mocks and pokes fun at him for having such backwards ideals. And as the character grows through the story, so do his values. The show explicitly shows him moving past his racism in regards to Miguel, his sexism in regards to Aisha and then Tory. The story clearly articulates that these are all things Johnny learned from Kreese, and as he distances himself more from Kreese and his teachings, he learns and grows and leaves a lot of that ignorance behind.

And then season 4 comes along, and all of that just…goes away. And I don’t mean to say that Johnny necessarily regresses. But the way the narrative depicts him has completely changed. Johnny goes to Piper talking about how Karate can empower women, but it just turns into a joke about how he “learned feminism for this.” This is not meant to poke fun at Johnny, but to poke fun at feminism. The entire joke is as basic as “haha, of course Johnny’s not a feminist! Why would he be?” Later on, he makes a gendered statement to Sam and apologizes and corrects himself. But then the narrative literally undoes that by having Sam validate him! Tells him it’s fine, she understood what he meant and he didn’t need to change. Later this season we are even explicitly told that we should just accept Johnny as he is. Johnny’s ignorance has gone from being something explicitly condemned by the narrative to something they want us to love and accept him for.

And you know what? I don’t. Because Johnny Lawrence is not a real person. He’s a character in a story. I don’t have to accept the negative parts of him, because as an individual I don’t care about him at all. And that’s not to criticize him for being a flawed character, a flawed protagonist is fine—it’s great, actually! But when the show itself goes from criticizing those flaws to treating them as anything but, that’s where I take issue. Because I really don’t care about any of these characters as individuals. I care about the story that’s being told, a story I used to love about toxic masculinity and radicalization and cycles of abuse and how they all interplay with each other. A story that actually seemed like it was trying to say something important. But season 4 watered it all down so much to the point where I can’t even find a coherent central theme in the show anymore. At least not one the writers seem to have a solid stance on.

#so yeah theres a bunch of shit i didnt like season #but this is my main gripe bc it all ties back into this #the story has now decided it wants us to acfept johnny for who he is #and thats why characters felt so off and made decisions that seemed insane #because the central theme of the season may have been that johnny and daniel need to find a middle ground #but the actual narrative didnt even back up that perspective #whatever #this is why i wont watch season 5 #also you’re allowed to disagree w me obviously but this isnt smth i feel like debating bc these are just my thoughts and if you feel #differently thats fine but i dont care enough anymore to listen to other peoples perspectives on this #bc thats all ive been doing since s4 came out and ive really tried hard to see what some of yall are seeing #and i just dont see it #so lets agree to disagree and keep the commentary off this please #which is why im not tagging it as anything either #except #ck negativity #just to be safe #im just sick of getting messages everytime i post or rb smth critical of the show accusing me of hating johnny or daniel or robby or miguel #etc. etc. etc. #bc it literally isnt about that #I’m annoyed by all of those characters stroylines this season sure #but at the end of the day they’re characters. not people. i dont dislike the characters i dislike the writing #and how its all become so warped this season

[cowboy-robooty]

now that wiener has changed me i can show my true colors to you all. this is the equivalent of me posting my little prince on the internet okay because i genuinely think this is cringe and stupid but i cant help it i have autistic rage and everyday i fight against it. anyways the reason why its so big i like wieners itapan is bc this is how i actually feel about itapan

its okay though because everyday i fight to cure myself of these aids (once i opened my social media app and saw itapan and my day genuinely felt significantly worse. ruined even. i am fighting so hard).

#BECAUSE I FOR REALSIES THINK ITS SO DUMB TO GET ACTUALLY DEADASS MAD AT FICTIONAL SHIPS #WHO THE FUCK CARES #AINT NOBODY CARE ABOUT THAT SHIT SHUT YO DUMBASS UP!!!!! #but my weakness... is itager... because idk im ill abt them its not a joke #ive been this way for like 6 years now #i can handle reading fanfics of germany x other characters bc germany literally never loves them #like all the fics i read of him x other characters is just him being tortured by them and he doesnt even like them #the only way he reciprocates their affections is literally after white room torture and getting turned into a different person #i believe that i think thats true thats the only way he could possibly show romantic affection to someone other than italy #i only can tolerate and sometimes enjoy content of germy/itatard x other people if its onesided and they dont love the other person #bc then im like yeah seems legit cuz theyd only love eachother in all universes #and i feel this way abt basically all of my ships i care abt bc im a monoshipper #but usually i wont give a fuck if i see them with other people im like that sucks lol but not my house not my soup! #BUT ITAGER....... IT MAKES ME CRAZY #IT MAKES ME ACT LIKE A FREAK ! I DONT ENDORSE MY OWN BEHAVIOR #thats why this is my shame............. this is my one true cringe and something i genuinely consider a flaw of mine #one of my few if not only autistic rage inducers............. please accept me for who i am. i am trying to fight this (ngl im losing but #we still try our best bc i want to have no weaknesses) #one of my few weaknesses..... #robooty dick pic

[scaredofmyocs]

I love it when i accidentally stay up on the night im supposed to be catching up on sleep it totallly doesnt make me feel horrible all week long

#talk post #i love this blog i want to live here #I cant!!! i just cant!!! go to bed at a normal fucking time istg #but noooooo the wild grinders wiki no some stupid bullshit no one has ever cared about before #WHEN I DONT GET ENOUGH SLEEP MY MENTAL HEALTH GETS WAY WORSE!!!!! IF I DONT FIX IT WE ARE GOING TO GET TOO SILLY #(yelling at a mirror) #seriously bothers me tho that Im always worried about how intense my negative feelings have been lately #and im like “oh ill just get more sleep” and then immediately fuck it up the next night making me tired all week #making me feel SO bad in the mornings and at night and increasing my paranoia and other such thoughts #and in trying to tune it all out just forget about it again leading to me fucking it up again #this is a bit dramatic its only happened 2 weeks in a row #but that feels like a lot because thats like 10 nights where i felt like i blinked and i had to wake up and go to school #and not only deal with my shitty social skills but the results of said thing #and also try to fight the thoughts that are like “this shits pointless im not doing this” LIKE PLEASE pretend to be normal for one year #and also that one teacher i have who demands every students attention while he teaches like i already finished the work sheet shut it #like i do well in that class just let me do what i want im not being distracting like girl i have at least an 87 dw about me #PLUS most of the time im not even on my phone he just really wants me to look at the board but girl as i said I ALREADY DID WHATS ON THERE #i feel like i never get to relax but i do all the time so i dont know what i mean #i keep saying “its ok as long as i can bury all my thoughts and just keep going while filling what free time i have with things i enjoy” #but things only work for so long #i hate the passage of time #anyawy erm wrong my guitar is in my mind (stupid ass guitar riff) #walks over to my bed and trips on the way falling asleep on the floor #ramble #hit post

[nt3000s]

i think this increasing normalization or i should say this constant normalization thats existed for a long time of self hatred humor is starting to become incredibly hard to bear and i know that im not exempt from this i need to do better at being kinder to myself and getting out of this near constant usage of language like that but the real thing that just makes me feel bad all the time is just how much people pretend that its okay and maybe im a little baby but so many good people are so so mean to themselves ruthlessly and its really upsetting and the thing that comes with the territory of normalizing this behavior as humor is that people will just be so rude to themselves and their worth and pass it off as a joke to resist the idea that they deserve to be treated better than this no matter how much you try to be kind and change it and i guess its like everyone knows the ‘treat yourself as good as you treat other people’ and stuff and i know these days we all have self worth problems i do really and its hard to just stop having them which isnt what im talking about i guess i just wish the world was kinder and we don’t all have to live in this sarcastic nihilistic world where you have no worth and no talent and everyone else around you does i cant hate myself because i dont want to put all of the people around me on this pedestal that theyre better than me while i make everyone around me feel bad because i think everything i do is shit and i dont let them console me i just want people to realize they need to matter as much as everyone around them please love yourself and those around you please dont hate your art your photography your writing your music your work your worth please realize love exists not for you to give only but for you to also receive not just from others but for yourself. please be kind to yourself. genuinely genuinely kind. i love you(reader). sorry if thats too earnest and cringe.

#Talking #so many peopl on twitter and tumblr and life and im upset i guess my message is i love uou okay and i dont care if we've never talked or onl #y talked once i dont care. i love you okay #not high not drunk not delirious just built like this #its hard being alive. its hard to pretend and to lie to yourself about things that you feel like you were born with i know that #but i love you. i love you i love you i love you. please believe that. i dont caare what the context of your life is i love you. thats all #i want to say ill be mad at myself in the morning for posting smth like this like man youre crazy #but idk i just want to say i love you whats wrong with that. let me live in peace

[welcometoteyvat]

read baizhu’s stories. he wins for most balanced character of all time

#and i mean this in terms of lore vs plot relevance and personality traits #i still haven't pulled him but thats fine (coping) sigh he's so idk enriched as a character #like his stories are obv focused on. well himself but they have a lot of nice lore details like his contract w changsheng and some immortali #immortality mentions ig. idk how to describe it also the elaboration on the r/ship between life and death >>>>>> #can't believe he goes to dinner at wfp sometimes lmao?? him and hu.tao be like 'cant stand this bitch 1 min later me and the bestie' /jjjjjj #just kidding i could never water down a nuanced relationship to a joke meme #when they mentioned how he hu tao and zhongli come together and only truly meet heart to heart when conducting last affairs... good stuff #anyways i like him. please come home now i dont want to have to go to 80 pulls for you #back to the lore relevance its nice that his story quest also elaborated on like how god remains affect people and callback to the chi of yo #yore world quest wayyy back #think im pretty satisfied for how his character personality etc turned out after 2 yrs of waiting like some of the hate was so bad lol just #bc of qiqi's stories but like his stories did a nice balance between selfless but sees all transactions as useful ones and does good but wit #with knowledge that it will also benefit his own reputation and image. selfishly selfless search for immortality clever but caring etc etc #he's got a solid head about him and now i want in depth character analysis fics when there are none on ao3 pensive pensive #ramblings! #baizhu